| 1 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 2 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 3 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 4 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 5 | ♪ WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY, YOUR WEEK ♪ |
| 6 | ♪ YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 7 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 8 | ♪ WHEN THE RAIN STARTS TO POUR ♪ |
| 9 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 10 | ♪ LIKE I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE ♪ |
| 11 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 12 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME, TOO ♪ |
| 13 | THERE'S NOTHING TO TELL. |
| 14 | IT'S JUST SOME GUY I WORK WITH. |
| 15 | COME ON. YOU'RE GOING OUT WITH THE GUY. |
| 16 | THERE'S GOT TO BE SOMETHING WRONG WITH HIM. |
| 17 | SO, DOES HE HAVE A HUMP? |
| 18 | A HUMP AND A HAIRPIECE? |
| 19 | WAIT, DOES HE EAT CHALK? |
| 20 | JUST 'CAUSE I DON'T WANT HER TO GO THROUGH |
| 21 | WHAT I WENT THROUGH WITH CARL. |
| 22 | OKAY, EVERYBODY RELAX. THIS IS NOT A DATE. |
| 23 | IT'S TWO PEOPLE GOING OUT TO DINNER |
| 24 | AND NOT HAVING SEX. |
| 25 | SOUNDS LIKE A DATE TO ME. |
| 26 | SO I'M BACK IN HIGH SCHOOL. |
| 27 | I'M STANDING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE CAFETERIA |
| 28 | AND I REALIZE I AM TOTALLY... NAKED. |
| 29 | I'VE HAD THAT DREAM. |
| 30 | THEN, I LOOK DOWN |
| 31 | AND I REALIZE THERE IS A PHONE... |
| 32 | THERE. |
| 33 | INSTEAD OF..? |
| 34 | THAT'S RIGHT. |
| 35 | NEVER HAD THAT DREAM. |
| 36 | ALL OF A SUDDEN, THE PHONE |
| 37 | STARTS TO RING |
| 38 | AND IT TURNS OUT IT'S MY MOTHER |
| 39 | WHICH IS VERY, VERY WEIRD BECAUSE... |
| 40 | SHE NEVER CALLS ME. |
| 41 | HI. |
| 42 | THIS GUY SAYS "HELLO. |
| 43 | I WANT TO KILL MYSELF." |
| 44 | ARE YOU OKAY, SWEETIE? |
| 45 | I FEEL LIKE SOMEONE REACHED DOWN MY THROAT |
| 46 | GRABBED MY SMALL INTESTINE, PULLED IT OUT MY MOUTH |
| 47 | AND TIED IT AROUND MY NECK. |
| 48 | COOKIE? |
| 49 | CAROL MOVED HER STUFF OUT TODAY. |
| 50 | All: OH... |
| 51 | LET ME GET YOU SOME COFFEE. |
| 52 | THANKS. |
| 53 | OOH. UGH... |
| 54 | NO. OH, NO. NO, DON'T. |
| 55 | STOP CLEANSING MY AURA. |
| 56 | NO, JUST |
| 57 | LEAVE MY AURA ALONE, OKAY? |
| 58 | I'LL BE FINE, ALL RIGHT? REALLY, EVERYONE. |
| 59 | I HOPE SHE'LL BE VERY HAPPY. |
| 60 | Monica: NO, YOU DON'T. |
| 61 | NO I DON'T. TO HELL WITH HER. |
| 62 | SHE LEFT ME. |
| 63 | AND YOU NEVER KNEW SHE WAS A LESBIAN? |
| 64 | NO. OKAY? |
| 65 | WHY DOES EVERYONE KEEP FIXATING ON THAT? |
| 66 | SHE DIDN'T KNOW. HOW SHOULD I KNOW? |
| 67 | SOMETIMES I WISH I WAS A LESBIAN. |
| 68 | DID I SAY THAT OUT LOUD? |
| 69 | ALL RIGHT, ROSS, LOOK |
| 70 | YOU'RE FEELING A LOT OF PAIN RIGHT NOW. |
| 71 | YOU'RE ANGRY. YOU'RE HURTING. |
| 72 | CAN I TELL YOU WHAT THE ANSWER IS? |
| 73 | STRIP JOINTS! |
| 74 | OH, COME ON. YOU'RE SINGLE. |
| 75 | SEE, BUT I DON'T WANT TO BE SINGLE, OKAY? |
| 76 | I JUST, I JUST, I JUST WANT TO BE MARRIED AGAIN. |
| 77 | AND I JUST WANT A MILLION DOLLARS. |
| 78 | RACHEL? |
| 79 | OH, GOD, MONICA, HI. THANK GOD. |
| 80 | I JUST WENT TO YOUR BUILDING AND YOU WEREN'T THERE |
| 81 | AND THEN THIS GUY WITH A BIG HAMMER |
| 82 | SAID THAT YOU MIGHT BE HERE, AND YOU ARE. |
| 83 | CAN I GET YOU SOME COFFEE? |
| 84 | DECAF. |
| 85 | OKAY, EVERYBODY, THIS IS RACHEL |
| 86 | ANOTHER LINCOLN HIGH SURVIVOR. |
| 87 | THIS IS EVERYBODY. THIS IS CHANDLER |
| 88 | AND PHOEBE, AND JOEY |
| 89 | AND YOU REMEMBER MY BROTHER ROSS? |
| 90 | SURE. |
| 91 | HI. OH! |
| 92 | SO, YOU WANT TO TELL US NOW |
| 93 | OR ARE WE WAITING FOR FOUR WET BRIDESMAIDS? |
| 94 | OH, GOD. WELL, IT STARTED |
| 95 | ABOUT A HALF HOUR BEFORE THE WEDDING. |
| 96 | I WAS IN THIS ROOM |
| 97 | WHERE WE WERE KEEPING ALL THE PRESENTS |
| 98 | AND I WAS LOOKING AT THIS GRAVY BOAT-- |
| 99 | THIS REALLY GORGEOUS LIMOGES GRAVY BOAT-- |
| 100 | WHEN ALL OF A SUDDEN... |
| 101 | SWEET AND LOW? |
| 102 | I REALIZED THAT I WAS MORE TURNED ON |
| 103 | BY THIS GRAVY BOAT THAN BY BARRY |
| 104 | AND THEN I GOT REALLY FREAKED OUT |
| 105 | AND THAT'S WHEN IT HIT ME |
| 106 | HOW MUCH BARRY LOOKS LIKE MR. POTATO HEAD. |
| 107 | I MEAN, I ALWAYS KNEW HE LOOKED FAMILIAR, BUT... |
| 108 | ANYWAY, I JUST HAD TO GET OUT OF THERE |
| 109 | AND I STARTED WONDERING, "WHY AM I DOING THIS |
| 110 | AND WHO AM I DOING THIS FOR?" |
| 111 | SO, ANYWAY, I JUST DIDN'T KNOW WHERE TO GO |
| 112 | AND I KNOW THAT YOU AND I HAVE DRIFTED APART |
| 113 | BUT YOU'RE THE ONLY PERSON I KNEW |
| 114 | WHO LIVED IN THE CITY. |
| 115 | WHO WASN'T INVITED TO THE WEDDING. |
| 116 | OH, I WAS KIND OF HOPING THAT WOULDN'T BE AN ISSUE. |
| 117 | ...Elijarme la mano, aquellos criminales. |
| 118 | Monica: NOW, I'M GUESSING THAT HE BOUGHT HER |
| 119 | THE BIG PIPE ORGAN |
| 120 | AND SHE'S REALLY NOT HAPPY ABOUT IT. |
| 121 | DADDY, I JUST... |
| 122 | I CAN'T MARRY HIM. |
| 123 | I'M SORRY. |
| 124 | I JUST DON'T LOVE HIM. |
| 125 | WELL, IT MATTERS TO ME. |
| 126 | Chandler: SHE SHOULD NOT BE WEARING THOSE PANTS. |
| 127 | I SAY PUSH HER DOWN THE STAIRS. |
| 128 | All: PUSH HER DOWN THE STAIRS! |
| 129 | PUSH HER DOWN |
| 130 | THE STAIRS! |
| 131 | ALL RIGHT! |
| 132 | COME ON, DADDY, LISTEN TO ME. |
| 133 | ALL OF MY LIFE |
| 134 | EVERYONE HAS ALWAYS TOLD ME, "YOU'RE A SHOE. |
| 135 | "YOU'RE A SHOE. |
| 136 | YOU'RE A SHOE. YOU'RE A SHOE." |
| 137 | AND THEN TODAY I JUST STOPPED AND SAID |
| 138 | "WHAT IF I DON'T WANT TO BE A SHOE? |
| 139 | "WHAT IF I WANT TO BE A PURSE? |
| 140 | OR A HAT?" |
| 141 | NO, I DON'T WANT YOU TO BUY ME A HAT. |
| 142 | I'M SAYING THAT I AM A HAT... |
| 143 | IT'S A METAPHOR, DADDY! |
| 144 | YOU CAN SEE WHERE HE'D HAVE TROUBLE. |
| 145 | LOOK, DADDY, IT'S MY LIFE. |
| 146 | WELL, MAYBE I'LL JUST STAY HERE WITH MONICA. |
| 147 | WELL, I GUESS WE'VE ESTABLISHED SHE'S STAYING HERE WITH MONICA. |
| 148 | WELL, MAYBE THAT'S MY DECISION. |
| 149 | WELL, MAYBE I DON'T NEED YOUR MONEY. |
| 150 | WAIT, WAIT! I SAID MAYBE! |
| 151 | OKAY, JUST BREATHE. THAT'S IT. |
| 152 | JUST TRY TO THINK OF NICE, CALM THINGS. |
| 153 | ♪ RAINDROPS ON ROSES ♪ |
| 154 | ♪ AND WHISKERS ON KITTENS ♪ |
| 155 | ♪ DOORBELLS AND SLEIGH BELLS ♪ |
| 156 | ♪ AND SOMETHING WITH MITTENS ♪ |
| 157 | ♪ LA LA LA SOMETHING ♪ |
| 158 | ♪ WITH STRING, THESE ARE A FEW... ♪ |
| 159 | I'M ALL BETTER NOW. |
| 160 | I HELPED. |
| 161 | OKAY, LOOK, THIS IS PROBABLY FOR THE BEST. |
| 162 | INDEPENDENCE... |
| 163 | TAKING CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE. |
| 164 | AND HEY, YOU NEED ANYTHING |
| 165 | YOU CAN ALWAYS COME TO JOEY. |
| 166 | ME AND CHANDLER |
| 167 | LIVE RIGHT ACROSS THE HALL |
| 168 | AND HE'S AWAY A LOT. |
| 169 | STOP HITTING ON HER. |
| 170 | IT'S HER WEDDING DAY. |
| 171 | LIKE THERE'S A RULE OR SOMETHING? |
| 172 | ( intercom buzzes ) |
| 173 | PLEASE DON'T DO THAT AGAIN. |
| 174 | IT'S A HORRIBLE SOUND. |
| 175 | Uh, it's-- it's Paul. |
| 176 | BUZZ HIM IN. |
| 177 | WHO'S PAUL? |
| 178 | "PAUL THE WINE GUY" PAUL? |
| 179 | MAYBE. |
| 180 | YOUR "NOT A REAL DATE" TONIGHT |
| 181 | IS WITH "PAUL THE WINE GUY"? |
| 182 | HE FINALLY ASKED YOU OUT? |
| 183 | YES. |
| 184 | A "DEAR DIARY" MOMENT. |
| 185 | RACH, WAIT. I CAN CANCEL. |
| 186 | PLEASE, NO, GO. I'LL BE FINE. |
| 187 | ROSS, ARE YOU OKAY? |
| 188 | I MEAN, DO YOU WANT ME TO STAY? |
| 189 | THAT WOULD BE GOOD. |
| 190 | REALLY? |
| 191 | NO! GO ON! |
| 192 | IT'S "PAUL THE WINE GUY!" |
| 193 | HI. COME IN. |
| 194 | PAUL, THIS IS... |
| 195 | EVERYBODY. |
| 196 | EVERYBODY, THIS IS PAUL. |
| 197 | All: "PAUL THE WINE GUY!" |
| 198 | I DIDN'T CATCH YOUR NAME. |
| 199 | PAUL, WAS IT? |
| 200 | SIT DOWN. |
| 201 | TWO SECONDS. |
| 202 | I JUST PULLED OUT FOUR EYELASHES. |
| 203 | THAT CAN'T BE GOOD. |
| 204 | SO, RACHEL, WHAT ARE YOU UP TO TONIGHT? |
| 205 | I WAS KIND OF SUPPOSED TO BE HEADED FOR ARUBA |
| 206 | ON MY HONEYMOON. |
| 207 | SO, NOTHING. |
| 208 | RIGHT. YOU'RE NOT EVEN GETTING YOUR HONEYMOON. |
| 209 | GOD... |
| 210 | NO... ARUBA. |
| 211 | THIS TIME OF YEAR, TALK ABOUT YOUR... |
| 212 | BIG LIZARDS. |
| 213 | ANYWAY, IF YOU DON'T FEEL LIKE BEING ALONE TONIGHT |
| 214 | JOEY AND CHANDLER ARE HELPING ME PUT TOGETHER |
| 215 | MY NEW FURNITURE. |
| 216 | AND WE'RE VERY EXCITED ABOUT IT. |
| 217 | THANKS, BUT I'M GOING TO HANG OUT HERE TONIGHT. |
| 218 | IT'S BEEN A LONG DAY. |
| 219 | OH, SURE. OKAY, SURE. |
| 220 | PHEEBS, YOU WANT TO HELP? |
| 221 | I WISH I COULD, BUT I DON'T WANT TO. |
| 222 | I'M SUPPOSED TO ATTACH |
| 223 | A BRACKETY THING TO THE SIDE THINGS |
| 224 | USING A BUNCH OF THESE LITTLE WORM GUYS. |
| 225 | I HAVE NO BRACKETY THING. |
| 226 | I SEE NO WORM GUYS WHATSOEVER. |
| 227 | AND I CANNOT FEEL MY LEGS. |
| 228 | WHAT'S THIS? |
| 229 | I HAVE NO IDEA. |
| 230 | DONE WITH THE BOOKCASE! |
| 231 | ALL FINISHED! |
| 232 | THIS WAS CAROL'S FAVORITE BEER. |
| 233 | SHE ALWAYS DRANK IT OUT OF THE CAN. |
| 234 | I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN. |
| 235 | ROSS, LET ME ASK YOU A QUESTION. |
| 236 | SHE GOT THE FURNITURE, THE STEREO, THE GOOD TV. |
| 237 | WHAT DID YOU GET? |
| 238 | YOU GUYS. |
| 239 | YOU GOT SCREWED. OH, MY GOD. |
| 240 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 241 | I KNOW. I'M SUCH AN IDIOT. |
| 242 | I GUESS I SHOULD HAVE CAUGHT ON |
| 243 | WHEN SHE STARTED GOING TO THE DENTIST |
| 244 | FOUR AND FIVE TIMES A WEEK. |
| 245 | I MEAN, HOW CLEAN CAN TEETH GET? |
| 246 | MY BROTHER'S GOING THROUGH THAT NOW. |
| 247 | HE'S SUCH A MESS. |
| 248 | HOW DID YOU GET THROUGH IT? |
| 249 | HE MIGHT TRY ACCIDENTALLY BREAKING |
| 250 | SOMETHING VALUABLE OF HERS-- SAY, HER... |
| 251 | LEG? |
| 252 | THAT'S ONE WAY OF GOING THROUGH IT. |
| 253 | ME, I WENT FOR THE WATCH. |
| 254 | YOU ACTUALLY BROKE HER WATCH? |
| 255 | BARRY, I'M SORRY. I'M SO SORRY. |
| 256 | I KNOW YOU PROBABLY THINK |
| 257 | THIS IS ALL ABOUT WHAT I SAID THE OTHER NIGHT |
| 258 | ABOUT YOU MAKING LOVE WITH YOUR SOCKS ON |
| 259 | BUT IT ISN'T. |
| 260 | IT ISN'T-- IT'S ABOUT ME. |
| 261 | AND I DID... |
| 262 | HI. MACHINE CUT ME OFF AGAIN. |
| 263 | ANYWAY... |
| 264 | YOU KNOW WHAT THE SCARIEST PART IS? |
| 265 | WHAT IF THERE'S ONLY ONE WOMAN FOR EVERYBODY? |
| 266 | WHAT IF YOU GET ONE WOMAN AND THAT'S IT? |
| 267 | UNFORTUNATELY, IN MY CASE |
| 268 | THERE WAS ONLY ONE WOMAN FOR HER. |
| 269 | WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? |
| 270 | ONE WOMAN. |
| 271 | THAT'S LIKE SAYING |
| 272 | THERE'S ONLY ONE FLAVOR OF ICE CREAM FOR YOU. |
| 273 | LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING, ROSS. |
| 274 | THERE'S LOT OF FLAVORS OUT THERE. |
| 275 | THERE'S ROCKY ROAD AND COOKIE DOUGH |
| 276 | AND BING CHERRY VANILLA. |
| 277 | YOU CAN GET THEM WITH JIMMIES OR NUTS |
| 278 | OR WHIPPED CREAM. |
| 279 | THIS IS THE BEST THING |
| 280 | THAT EVER HAPPENED TO YOU. |
| 281 | YOU GOT MARRIED. |
| 282 | YOU WERE LIKE, WHAT, EIGHT? |
| 283 | WELCOME BACK TO THE WORLD. |
| 284 | GRAB A SPOON. |
| 285 | I HONESTLY DON'T KNOW IF I'M HUNGRY OR HORNY. |
| 286 | THEN STAY OUT OF MY FREEZER. |
| 287 | EVER SINCE SHE WALKED OUT ON ME, I... |
| 288 | WHAT? |
| 289 | WHAT, YOU WANT TO SPELL IT OUT WITH NOODLES? |
| 290 | NO, IT'S MORE OF A FIFTH DATE KIND OF REVELATION. |
| 291 | OH, SO, THERE'S GOING TO BE A FIFTH DATE? |
| 292 | ISN'T THERE? |
| 293 | YEAH, YEAH, I THINK THERE IS. |
| 294 | WHAT WERE YOU GOING TO SAY? |
| 295 | WELL, WELL... |
| 296 | EVER SINCE SHE LEFT ME, UM... |
| 297 | I HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO PERFORM... |
| 298 | SEXUALLY. |
| 299 | OH, GOD. I'M SO SORRY. |
| 300 | IT'S OKAY. |
| 301 | BEING SPIT ON |
| 302 | IS PROBABLY NOT WHAT YOU NEED RIGHT NOW. |
| 303 | UM... OOH. |
| 304 | HOW LONG? |
| 305 | TWO YEARS. |
| 306 | WOW. |
| 307 | I-I-I'M GLAD YOU SMASHED HER WATCH. |
| 308 | SO, YOU STILL THINK YOU, UM... |
| 309 | MIGHT WANT THAT FIFTH DATE? |
| 310 | YEAH. |
| 311 | YEAH, I DO. |
| 312 | I, Joanie, take you, Charles |
| 313 | as my lawful husband. |
| 314 | Do you take Joanie... |
| 315 | SEE, BUT JOANIE LOVED CHACHI. |
| 316 | THAT'S THE DIFFERENCE. |
| 317 | GRAB A SPOON. |
| 318 | DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG IT'S BEEN |
| 319 | SINCE I GRABBED A SPOON? |
| 320 | DO THE WORDS "BILLY, DON'T BE A HERO" |
| 321 | MEAN ANYTHING TO YOU? |
| 322 | YOU KNOW, HERE'S THE THING. |
| 323 | EVEN IF I COULD GET IT TOGETHER ENOUGH |
| 324 | TO ASK A WOMAN OUT |
| 325 | WHO AM I GOING TO ASK? |
| 326 | ISN'T THIS AMAZING? |
| 327 | I HAVE NEVER MADE COFFEE IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. |
| 328 | THAT IS AMAZING. |
| 329 | CONGRATULATIONS. |
| 330 | WHILE YOU'RE ON A ROLL, |
| 331 | IF YOU FEEL LIKE YOU GOT TO MAKE A WESTERN OMELET |
| 332 | OR SOMETHING... |
| 333 | ACTUALLY, I'M REALLY NOT THAT HUNGRY THIS MORNING. |
| 334 | MORNING. |
| 335 | MORNING. MORNING. |
| 336 | MORNING. |
| 337 | MORNING, PAUL. |
| 338 | HELLO, PAUL. |
| 339 | HI. PAUL, IS IT? |
| 340 | I HAD A GREAT TIME LAST NIGHT. |
| 341 | Paul: THANK YOU. |
| 342 | THANK YOU SO MUCH. |
| 343 | WE'LL TALK LATER. |
| 344 | YEAH. |
| 345 | THANK YOU. |
| 346 | THAT WASN'T A REAL DATE. |
| 347 | WHAT THE HELL DO YOU DO ON A REAL DATE? |
| 348 | SHUT UP AND PUT MY TABLE BACK. |
| 349 | Joey: OKAY. |
| 350 | ALL RIGHT, KIDS, I GOT TO GET TO WORK. |
| 351 | IF I DON'T INPUT THOSE NUMBERS... |
| 352 | IT DOESN'T MAKE MUCH OF A DIFFERENCE. |
| 353 | SO, LIKE, YOU GUYS ALL HAVE JOBS? |
| 354 | YEAH, WE ALL HAVE JOBS. |
| 355 | SEE, THAT'S HOW WE BUY STUFF. |
| 356 | YEAH. I'M AN ACTOR. |
| 357 | HAVE I SEEN YOU IN ANYTHING? |
| 358 | I DOUBT IT. |
| 359 | MOSTLY REGIONAL WORK. |
| 360 | UNLESS YOU CAUGHT |
| 361 | THE WEE ONES PRODUCTION OF PINOCCHIO. |
| 362 | "LOOK, GEPETTO, I'M A REAL LIVE BOY." |
| 363 | I WILL NOT TAKE THIS ABUSE. |
| 364 | YOU'RE RIGHT. |
| 365 | I'M SORRY. |
| 366 | ♪ ONCE I WAS A WOODEN BOY, A LITTLE WOODEN BOY. ♪ |
| 367 | SO HOW YOU DOING TODAY? |
| 368 | DID YOU SLEEP OKAY? |
| 369 | DID YOU TALK TO BARRY? |
| 370 | I CAN'T STOP SMILING. |
| 371 | I CAN SEE THAT. |
| 372 | YOU LOOK LIKE YOU SLEPT WITH A HANGER IN YOUR MOUTH. |
| 373 | I KNOW. |
| 374 | HE'S JUST SO... |
| 375 | YOU REMEMBER YOU AND TONY DEMARCO? |
| 376 | OH, YEAH. |
| 377 | WELL, IT'S LIKE THAT-- WITH FEELINGS. |
| 378 | OH, WOW, ARE YOU IN TROUBLE. |
| 379 | I AM JUST GOING TO GET UP, GO TO WORK |
| 380 | AND NOT THINK ABOUT HIM ALL DAY. |
| 381 | OR ELSE I'M JUST GOING TO GET UP AND GO TO WORK. |
| 382 | WISH ME LUCK. WHAT FOR? |
| 383 | I'M GOING TO GET |
| 384 | ONE OF THOSE JOB THINGS. |
| 385 | HEY, MONICA. |
| 386 | FRANNIE, WELCOME BACK. |
| 387 | HOW WAS FLORIDA? |
| 388 | YOU HAD SEX, DIDN'T YOU? |
| 389 | HOW DO YOU DO THAT? |
| 390 | SO, WHO? |
| 391 | YOU KNOW PAUL? |
| 392 | PAUL, THE WINE GUY? |
| 393 | OH, YEAH, I KNOW PAUL. |
| 394 | YOU MEAN, YOU KNOW PAUL LIKE I KNOW PAUL? |
| 395 | ARE YOU KIDDING? I TAKE CREDIT FOR PAUL. |
| 396 | YOU KNOW, BEFORE ME, THERE WAS NO SNAP IN HIS TURTLE |
| 397 | FOR TWO YEARS. |
| 398 | OF COURSE IT WAS A LINE. |
| 399 | WHY WOULD ANYBODY DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT?! |
| 400 | I ASSUME WE'RE LOOKING FOR AN ANSWER |
| 401 | MORE SOPHISTICATED THAN "TO GET YOU INTO BED." |
| 402 | IS IT ME?! |
| 403 | IS IT LIKE I HAVE SOME SORT OF BEACON THAT ONLY DOGS |
| 404 | AND MEN WITH SEVERE EMOTIONAL PROBLEMS CAN HEAR? |
| 405 | GIVE ME YOUR FEET. |
| 406 | I JUST THOUGHT HE WAS NICE, YOU KNOW? |
| 407 | I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS A LINE. |
| 408 | GUESS WHAT? |
| 409 | YOU GOT A JOB? |
| 410 | ARE YOU KIDDING? |
| 411 | I'M TRAINED FOR NOTHING. |
| 412 | I WAS LAUGHED OUT OF 12 INTERVIEWS. |
| 413 | YET YOU'RE UPBEAT. |
| 414 | YOU WOULD BE, TOO, IF YOU FOUND JOAN AND DAVID BOOTS ON SALE |
| 415 | 50 PERCENT OFF. |
| 416 | OH, HOW WELL YOU KNOW ME. |
| 417 | THEY'RE MY NEW I-DON'T-NEED-A-JOB, |
| 418 | I-DON'T-NEED-MY-PARENTS, I'VE-GOT-GREAT-BOOTS BOOTS. |
| 419 | HOW DID YOU PAY FOR THEM? |
| 420 | A CREDIT CARD. |
| 421 | AND WHO PAYS FOR THAT? |
| 422 | UM... MY FATHER. |
| 423 | COME ON. YOU CAN'T LIVE OFF YOUR PARENTS YOUR WHOLE LIFE. |
| 424 | I KNOW THAT. |
| 425 | THAT'S WHY I WAS GETTING MARRIED. |
| 426 | IT'S HARD BEING ON YOUR OWN THE FIRST TIME. |
| 427 | THANK YOU. |
| 428 | I REMEMBER WHEN I FIRST CAME HERE. |
| 429 | I WAS 14, MY MOM HAD JUST KILLED HERSELF |
| 430 | AND MY STEPDAD WAS BACK IN PRISON. |
| 431 | I GOT HERE AND DIDN'T KNOW ANYBODY. |
| 432 | I ENDED UP LIVING WITH THIS ALBINO GUY |
| 433 | WHO WAS CLEANING WINDSHIELDS OUTSIDE PORT AUTHORITY |
| 434 | AND THEN HE KILLED HIMSELF |
| 435 | AND THEN I FOUND AROMA THERAPY. |
| 436 | SO I KNOW EXACTLY HOW YOU FEEL. |
| 437 | THE WORD YOU'RE LOOKING FOR IS... |
| 438 | "ANYWAY..." |
| 439 | ALL RIGHT. YOU READY? |
| 440 | I DON'T THINK SO. |
| 441 | CUT. CUT. |
| 442 | ( chanting ): CUT. CUT. CUT. CUT. CUT. |
| 443 | ( cheering ) |
| 444 | WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD. IT SUCKS. |
| 445 | YOU'RE GOING TO LOVE IT. |
| 446 | ( "Star Spangled Banner" playing ) |
| 447 | THAT'S IT. |
| 448 | YOU WANT TO CRASH ON THE COUCH? |
| 449 | NO. I GOT TO GO HOME. |
| 450 | YOU GOING TO BE OKAY? |
| 451 | YEAH. |
| 452 | HEY, MON, LOOK WHAT I FOUND. |
| 453 | WHAT? |
| 454 | THAT'S PAUL'S WATCH. |
| 455 | PUT IT BACK WHERE YOU FOUND IT. |
| 456 | OH, BOY. |
| 457 | ALL RIGHT, GOOD NIGHT, EVERYBODY. |
| 458 | Both: GOOD NIGHT. |
| 459 | HMM. |
| 460 | OH, SORRY. |
| 461 | OH, NO. GO. |
| 462 | SPLIT IT? |
| 463 | OKAY. |
| 464 | THANKS. |
| 465 | YOU PROBABLY DIDN'T KNOW THIS |
| 466 | BUT BACK IN HIGH SCHOOL I HAD A... |
| 467 | MAJOR CRUSH ON YOU. |
| 468 | I KNEW. |
| 469 | YOU DID? |
| 470 | I ALWAYS FIGURED YOU JUST THOUGHT |
| 471 | I WAS MONICA'S GEEKY OLDER BROTHER. |
| 472 | I DID. |
| 473 | OH. |
| 474 | LISTEN, DO YOU THINK-- |
| 475 | AND TRY NOT TO LET MY INTENSE VULNERABILITY |
| 476 | BECOME ANY KIND OF A FACTOR HERE-- |
| 477 | BUT WOULD IT BE OKAY |
| 478 | IF I ASKED YOU OUT SOMETIME MAYBE? |
| 479 | YEAH. |
| 480 | MAYBE. |
| 481 | OKAY. |
| 482 | OKAY, MAYBE I WILL. |
| 483 | GOOD NIGHT. |
| 484 | GOOD NIGHT. |
| 485 | SEE YOU. |
| 486 | MM-HMM. |
| 487 | WAIT, WAIT. |
| 488 | WHAT'S WITH YOU? |
| 489 | I JUST GRABBED A SPOON. |
| 490 | I CAN'T BELIEVE WHAT I'M HEARING. |
| 491 | ♪ I CAN'T BELIEVE WHAT I'M HEARING. ♪ |
| 492 | I SAID YOU HAD... |
| 493 | ♪ I SAID YOU HAD... ♪ |
| 494 | WOULD YOU STOP? |
| 495 | WAS I DOING IT AGAIN? |
| 496 | All: YES! |
| 497 | WOULD ANYBODY LIKE MORE COFFEE? |
| 498 | DID YOU MAKE IT |
| 499 | OR ARE YOU JUST SERVING IT? |
| 500 | I'M JUST SERVING IT. |
| 501 | YEAH. YEAH. YEAH. |
| 502 | KIDS, NEW DREAM. |
| 503 | I'M IN LAS VEGAS. |
| 504 | I'M LIZA MINELLI. |
| 505 | |
| 1 | WHAT YOU GUYS DON'T UNDERSTAND IS |
| 2 | FOR US, KISSING IS AS IMPORTANT |
| 3 | AS ANY PART OF IT. |
| 4 | YEAH, RIGHT. |
| 5 | YOU SERIOUS? |
| 6 | OH, YEAH. |
| 7 | EVERYTHING YOU |
| 8 | NEED TO KNOW IS IN THAT FIRST KISS. |
| 9 | ABSOLUTELY. |
| 10 | YEAH, I THINK FOR US |
| 11 | KISSING IS PRETTY MUCH LIKE AN OPENING ACT, YOU KNOW? |
| 12 | IT'S LIKE THE STAND-UP COMEDIAN YOU HAVE TO SIT THROUGH |
| 13 | BEFORE PINK FLOYD COMES IN. |
| 14 | YEAH, AND IT'S NOT THAT WE DON'T LIKE THE COMEDIAN. |
| 15 | IT'S JUST THAT THAT'S... |
| 16 | THAT'S NOT WHY WE BOUGHT THE TICKET. |
| 17 | THE PROBLEM IS, THOUGH |
| 18 | AFTER THE CONCERT'S OVER |
| 19 | NO MATTER HOW GREAT THE SHOW WAS |
| 20 | YOU GIRLS ARE ALWAYS |
| 21 | LOOKING FOR THE COMEDIAN AGAIN. |
| 22 | I MEAN WE'RE IN THE CAR, FIGHTING TRAFFIC. |
| 23 | BASICALLY, JUST TRYING TO STAY AWAKE. |
| 24 | YEAH, WELL, WORD OF ADVICE-- |
| 25 | BRING BACK THE COMEDIAN. |
| 26 | OTHERWISE, NEXT TIME |
| 27 | YOU'RE GOING TO FIND YOURSELF SITTING AT HOME |
| 28 | LISTENING TO THAT ALBUM ALONE. |
| 29 | ARE WE STILL TALKING ABOUT SEX? |
| 30 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 31 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 32 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 33 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 34 | ♪ WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY ♪ |
| 35 | ♪ YOUR WEEK, YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 36 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 37 | ♪ WHEN THE RAIN STARTS TO FALL ♪ |
| 38 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 39 | ♪ LIKE I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE ♪ |
| 40 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 41 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME TOO. ♪ |
| 42 | Ross: NO, IT'S GOOD. |
| 43 | IT IS GOOD. |
| 44 | IT'S JUST THAT, HMM... |
| 45 | DOESN'T SHE SEEM A LITTLE ANGRY? |
| 46 | WELL, SHE HAS ISSUES. |
| 47 | DOES SHE? |
| 48 | HE'S OUT BANGING |
| 49 | WOMEN WITH A CLUB, WHILE SHE SITS AT HOME |
| 50 | TRYING TO GET THE MASTODON SMELL OUT OF THE CARPET. |
| 51 | OKAY, OKAY... |
| 52 | MARSHA, YOU SEE THESE ARE CAVE PEOPLE. |
| 53 | THEY HAVE ISSUES LIKE |
| 54 | "GEE, THAT GLACIER'S GETTING KIND OF CLOSE." SEE? |
| 55 | SPEAKING OF ISSUES |
| 56 | ISN'T THAT YOUR EX-WIFE? |
| 57 | MY..? NO, NO. |
| 58 | YES, IT IS. |
| 59 | CAROL, HI. |
| 60 | YES, IT IS. HOW ABOUT I'LL CATCH UP WITH YOU |
| 61 | IN THE ICE AGE. |
| 62 | HI. |
| 63 | HI. |
| 64 | SO... |
| 65 | YOU LOOK GREAT. |
| 66 | I UH... |
| 67 | I HATE THAT. |
| 68 | SORRY. THANKS. |
| 69 | YOU LOOK GOOD TOO. |
| 70 | AH, WELL, YOU KNOW, IN HERE ANYONE WHO... |
| 71 | STANDS ERECT... |
| 72 | SO, WHAT'S NEW? |
| 73 | STILL, UH... |
| 74 | A LESBIAN? |
| 75 | WELL... |
| 76 | YOU NEVER KNOW. |
| 77 | HOW'S UM... HOW'S THE FAMILY? |
| 78 | MARTY'S STILL TOTALLY PARANOID. |
| 79 | OH, AND THAT'S... |
| 80 | CAROL, WHY ARE YOU |
| 81 | HERE, CAROL? |
| 82 | I'M PREGNANT. |
| 83 | PREGNANT. |
| 84 | Ha! It looks like she didn't leave in such a hurry after all. |
| 85 | I THINK THIS IS THE EPISODE OF THREE'S COMPANY |
| 86 | WHERE THERE'S SOME KIND OF MISUNDERSTANDING. |
| 87 | OH, THEN I'VE ALREADY SEEN THIS ONE. |
| 88 | ARE YOU THROUGH WITH THAT? |
| 89 | YEAH, SORRY. THE SWALLOWING SLOWED ME DOWN. |
| 90 | WHOSE LITTLE BALL OF PAPER IS THIS? |
| 91 | OH, THAT WOULD BE MINE. |
| 92 | SEE, I WROTE A NOTE TO MYSELF |
| 93 | THEN I REALIZED |
| 94 | I DIDN'T NEED IT, SO I BALLED IT UP... |
| 95 | AND NOW I WISH I WAS DEAD. |
| 96 | SHE ALREADY FLUFFED THAT PILLOW. |
| 97 | MONICA, YOU ALREADY... |
| 98 | BUT IT'S FINE. |
| 99 | I DON'T WANT TO GIVE THEM ANY MORE AMMUNITION |
| 100 | THAN THEY ALREADY HAVE. |
| 101 | YES, AND WE ALL KNOW HOW CRUEL A PARENT CAN BE |
| 102 | ABOUT THE FLATNESS OF A CHILD'S PILLOW. |
| 103 | MONICA? HI. |
| 104 | UM, MONICA? |
| 105 | YOU'RE SCARING ME. |
| 106 | I MEAN, YOU'RE LIKE ALL CHAOTIC AND TWIRLY, YOU KNOW? |
| 107 | AND NOT IN A GOOD WAY. |
| 108 | YEAH, CALM DOWN. |
| 109 | YOU DON'T SEE ROSS GETTING ALL |
| 110 | CHAOTIC AND TWIRLY |
| 111 | EVERY TIME THEY COME. |
| 112 | THAT'S BECAUSE AS FAR AS MY PARENTS ARE CONCERNED |
| 113 | ROSS CAN DO NO WRONG. |
| 114 | YOU SEE, HE'S A PRINCE. |
| 115 | APPARENTLY, THEY HAD SOME BIG CEREMONY BEFORE I WAS BORN. |
| 116 | EW, EW, EW, EW, EW! |
| 117 | WHAT? |
| 118 | UGLY NAKED GUY GOT A THIGH MASTER. |
| 119 | All: EW... |
| 120 | HAS ANYBODY SEEN MY ENGAGEMENT RING? |
| 121 | YEAH, IT'S BEAUTIFUL. |
| 122 | OH, GOD. OH, GOD. |
| 123 | OH, GOD. OH, GOD. OH, GOD. |
| 124 | NO, DON'T TOUCH THAT. |
| 125 | OH, LIKE I WASN'T DREADING TOMORROW ENOUGH. |
| 126 | HAVING TO GIVE IT BACK TO HIM. |
| 127 | "HI, BARRY. REMEMBER ME? I'M THE GIRL IN THE VEIL |
| 128 | THAT STOMPED ON YOUR HEART IN FRONT OF YOUR ENTIRE FAMILY." |
| 129 | NOW I'M GOING TO HAVE TO RETURN THE RING WITHOUT THE RING |
| 130 | WHICH MAKES IT SO MUCH HARDER. |
| 131 | EASY, RACH. WE'LL FIND IT. |
| 132 | WON'T WE? |
| 133 | OH. YEAH. |
| 134 | ALL RIGHT, WHEN DID YOU HAVE IT ON LAST? |
| 135 | DOY. PROBABLY RIGHT BEFORE SHE LOST IT. |
| 136 | YOU DON'T GET A LOT OF "DOY" THESE DAYS. |
| 137 | NO, I HAD IT THIS MORNING |
| 138 | AND I KNOW I HAD IT WHEN I WAS IN THE KITCHEN WITH... |
| 139 | DINAH? |
| 140 | OH, DON'T BE MAD. |
| 141 | YOU DIDN'T. |
| 142 | OH, I'M SORRY. |
| 143 | I GAVE YOU ONE JOB. |
| 144 | OH, BUT LOOK HOW STRAIGHT THOSE NOODLES ARE. |
| 145 | Chandler: MONICA, YOU KNOW |
| 146 | THAT'S NOT HOW YOU LOOK FOR AN ENGAGEMENT RING |
| 147 | IN A LASAGNA. |
| 148 | I JUST CAN'T DO IT. |
| 149 | BOYS? |
| 150 | WE'RE GOING IN. |
| 151 | HI. |
| 152 | OH, THAT IS NOT A HAPPY "HI." |
| 153 | CAROL'S PREGNANT. |
| 154 | OOH, I FOUND IT! |
| 155 | WELL, WHAT..? |
| 156 | WHA-WHA..? WHAT..? |
| 157 | YEAH. |
| 158 | DO THAT FOR ANOTHER TWO HOURS |
| 159 | YOU MIGHT BE WHERE I AM RIGHT ABOUT NOW. |
| 160 | KIND OF PUTS THAT WHOLE PILLOW THING |
| 161 | IN PERSPECTIVE, HUH, MON? |
| 162 | HOW DO YOU FIT INTO THIS WHOLE THING? |
| 163 | WELL, CAROL SAYS SHE AND SUSAN |
| 164 | WANT ME TO BE INVOLVED |
| 165 | BUT IF I'M NOT COMFORTABLE WITH IT |
| 166 | I DON'T HAVE TO BE INVOLVED. |
| 167 | BASICALLY, IT'S TOTALLY UP TO ME. |
| 168 | SHE IS SO GREAT. |
| 169 | I MISS HER. |
| 170 | WELL, WHAT DOES SHE MEAN BY "INVOLVED"? |
| 171 | PRESUMABLY, THE BIGGEST PART |
| 172 | OF YOUR JOB IS DONE. |
| 173 | ANYWAY |
| 174 | THEY WANT ME TO GO DOWN TO THIS SONOGRAM THING |
| 175 | WITH THEM TOMORROW. |
| 176 | WHAT WILL YOU DO? |
| 177 | I HAVE NO IDEA. |
| 178 | NO MATTER WHAT I DO, THOUGH |
| 179 | I'M STILL GOING TO BE A FATHER. |
| 180 | ( clattering ) |
| 181 | THIS IS STILL RUINED, RIGHT? |
| 182 | OH, MARTHA LUDWIN'S DAUGHTER IS GOING TO CALL YOU. |
| 183 | HMM, WHAT'S THAT CURRY TASTE? |
| 184 | CURRY. |
| 185 | MMM. |
| 186 | I THINK THEY'RE GREAT. |
| 187 | I REALLY DO. |
| 188 | YOU REMEMBER THE LUDWINS. |
| 189 | THE BIG ONE HAD A THING FOR YOU, DIDN'T SHE? |
| 190 | THEY ALL HAD A THING FOR HIM. |
| 191 | OH, MOM. |
| 192 | Monica: I'M SORRY. WHY IS |
| 193 | THIS GIRL GOING TO CALL ME? |
| 194 | SHE JUST GRADUATED, AND SHE WANTS TO BE SOMETHING |
| 195 | IN COOKING OR FOOD OR... I DON'T KNOW. |
| 196 | I TOLD HER YOU HAVE A RESTAURANT... |
| 197 | NO, MOM. I DON'T |
| 198 | HAVE A RESTAURANT. |
| 199 | I WORK IN A RESTAURANT. |
| 200 | WELL, THEY DON'T HAVE TO KNOW THAT. |
| 201 | ROSS, COULD YOU COME AND HELP ME WITH THE SPAGHETTI, PLEASE? |
| 202 | YES. |
| 203 | OH, WE'RE HAVING SPAGHETTI. |
| 204 | THAT'S... EASY. |
| 205 | I KNOW THIS IS GOING TO SOUND UNBELIEVABLY SELFISH ON MY PART |
| 206 | BUT WERE YOU PLANNING ON BRINGING UP |
| 207 | THE WHOLE BABY-LESBIAN THING? |
| 208 | 'CAUSE I THINK IT MIGHT TAKE |
| 209 | SOME OF THE HEAT OFF ME. |
| 210 | WHAT THAT RACHEL DID TO HER LIFE. |
| 211 | WE RAN INTO HER PARENTS AT THE CLUB. |
| 212 | THEY WEREN'T PLAYING WELL. |
| 213 | I'M NOT GOING TO TELL YOU |
| 214 | WHAT THEY SPENT ON THAT WEDDING |
| 215 | BUT $40,000 IS A LOT OF MONEY. |
| 216 | WELL, AT LEAST SHE HAD THE CHANCE |
| 217 | TO LEAVE A MAN AT THE ALTAR. |
| 218 | WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN? |
| 219 | NOTHING. |
| 220 | IT'S AN EXPRESSION. |
| 221 | NO, IT'S NOT. |
| 222 | DON'T LISTEN TO HER. |
| 223 | YOU'VE ALWAYS BEEN INDEPENDENT. |
| 224 | EVEN WHEN YOU WERE A KID |
| 225 | AND WERE CHUBBY, AND HAD NO FRIENDS |
| 226 | YOU WERE JUST FINE. |
| 227 | AND YOU WOULD READ ALONE IN YOUR ROOM-- AND YOUR PUZZLES. |
| 228 | LOOK, THERE ARE PEOPLE LIKE ROSS |
| 229 | WHO NEED TO SHOOT FOR THE STARS |
| 230 | WITH HIS MUSEUM AND HIS PAPERS GETTING PUBLISHED. |
| 231 | OTHER PEOPLE ARE SATISFIED WITH STAYING WHERE THEY ARE. |
| 232 | I'M TELLING YOU, THESE ARE THE PEOPLE |
| 233 | WHO NEVER GET CANCER. |
| 234 | I READ ABOUT THESE WOMEN |
| 235 | TRYING TO HAVE IT ALL |
| 236 | AND I THANK GOD OUR LITTLE HARMONICA |
| 237 | DOESN'T SEEM TO HAVE THAT PROBLEM. |
| 238 | SO, ROSS, WHAT'S GOING ON WITH YOU? |
| 239 | ANY STORIES? |
| 240 | NO NEWS, NO LITTLE ANECDOTES |
| 241 | TO SHARE WITH THE FOLKS? |
| 242 | OKAY, OKAY. |
| 243 | LOOK, I REALIZE YOU GUYS HAVE BEEN WONDERING |
| 244 | WHAT EXACTLY HAPPENED |
| 245 | BETWEEN CAROL AND ME, AND SO, WELL... |
| 246 | HERE'S THE DEAL. |
| 247 | CAROL'S A LESBIAN. |
| 248 | SHE IS LIVING WITH A WOMAN NAMED SUSAN. |
| 249 | SHE'S PREGNANT WITH MY CHILD |
| 250 | AND SHE AND SUSAN ARE GOING TO RAISE THE BABY. |
| 251 | AND YOU KNEW ABOUT THIS? |
| 252 | FOLKS ARE REALLY THAT BAD, HUH? |
| 253 | WELL, YOU KNOW, THESE PEOPLE ARE PROS. |
| 254 | THEY KNOW WHAT THEY'RE DOING. |
| 255 | THEY TAKE THEIR TIME. |
| 256 | THEY GET THE JOB DONE. |
| 257 | I KNOW THEY SAY THAT YOU CAN'T CHANGE YOUR PARENTS. |
| 258 | BOY, IF YOU COULD |
| 259 | I'D WANT YOURS. |
| 260 | MUST PEE. |
| 261 | IT'S EVEN WORSE WHEN YOU'RE TWINS. |
| 262 | YOU'RE A TWIN? |
| 263 | YEAH. WE DON'T SPEAK. |
| 264 | SHE'S THIS HIGH-POWERED, DRIVEN, CAREER TYPE. |
| 265 | WHAT DOES SHE DO? |
| 266 | SHE'S A WAITRESS. |
| 267 | ALL RIGHT, GUYS. |
| 268 | I'VE KIND OF GOT TO CLEAN UP NOW. |
| 269 | YOU'RE AN ONLY CHILD, RIGHT? |
| 270 | YOU DON'T HAVE THIS. |
| 271 | WELL, NO, ALTHOUGH I DID HAVE AN IMAGINARY FRIEND |
| 272 | WHO MY PARENTS ACTUALLY PREFERRED. |
| 273 | Rachel: HIT THE LIGHTS, PLEASE. |
| 274 | HOW LONG WAS I IN THERE? |
| 275 | I'M JUST CLEANING UP. |
| 276 | OH, YOU, UH, DO YOU NEED ANY HELP? |
| 277 | UM, OKAY, SURE. |
| 278 | THANKS. |
| 279 | ANYWAY, UH, SO YOU |
| 280 | NERVOUS ABOUT BARRY TOMORROW? |
| 281 | UH, A LITTLE. |
| 282 | MM-HMM. |
| 283 | A LOT. |
| 284 | MM-HMM. |
| 285 | SO, GOT ANY ADVICE-- |
| 286 | YOU KNOW, AS SOMEONE WHO'S RECENTLY BEEN DUMPED? |
| 287 | WELL, YOU MAY WANT TO STEER CLEAR |
| 288 | OF THE WORD "DUMPED." |
| 289 | CHANCES ARE, HE'S GOING TO BE THIS |
| 290 | THIS BROKEN SHELL OF A MAN. |
| 291 | SO YOU SHOULD TRY NOT TO LOOK TOO TERRIFIC. |
| 292 | I KNOW IT'LL BE HARD. |
| 293 | UH, OR, YOU KNOW, I CAN, UH... HEY, I'LL GO DOWN THERE |
| 294 | AND GIVE BARRY BACK HIS RING |
| 295 | YOU CAN GO WITH CAROL AND SUSAN TO |
| 296 | THE O.B.G.Y. N. |
| 297 | YOU'VE GOT CAROL TOMORROW. |
| 298 | UGH, WHEN DID IT GET SO COMPLICATED? |
| 299 | GOT ME. |
| 300 | REMEMBER IN HIGH SCHOOL? |
| 301 | YEAH. |
| 302 | DIDN'T YOU THINK YOU WOULD MEET SOMEONE |
| 303 | FALL IN LOVE |
| 304 | AND THAT WOULD BE IT? |
| 305 | ( sighs ) |
| 306 | ROSS? |
| 307 | YES, YES. |
| 308 | UGH. |
| 309 | MAN, I NEVER THOUGHT I'D BE HERE. |
| 310 | HMM. |
| 311 | ME NEITHER. |
| 312 | HI. OH, SORRY I'M LATE. |
| 313 | I GOT STUCK AT WORK. |
| 314 | THERE WAS THIS BIG DINOSAUR THING. |
| 315 | ANYWAY. |
| 316 | HI. |
| 317 | ROSS, YOU REMEMBER SUSAN. |
| 318 | HOW COULD I FORGET? |
| 319 | ROSS. |
| 320 | HELLO SUSAN. |
| 321 | GOOD SHAKE. GOOD SHAKE. |
| 322 | SO, UH, WE'RE JUST WAITING FOR... |
| 323 | DR. OBERMAN. |
| 324 | DR. OBERMAN. AND IS HE..? |
| 325 | SHE. |
| 326 | "SHE," OF COURSE. |
| 327 | SHE, UH, FAMILIAR |
| 328 | WITH OUR SPECIAL SITUATION? |
| 329 | YES, AND SHE'S VERY SUPPORTIVE. |
| 330 | GREAT. OKAY, THAT'S GREAT. |
| 331 | NO, I'M... OH. |
| 332 | THANKS. |
| 333 | ( laughs ) |
| 334 | QUACK, QUACK. QUACK, QUACK. |
| 335 | QUACK, QUACK, QUACK. |
| 336 | ROSS... |
| 337 | THAT OPENS MY CERVIX. |
| 338 | BARRY? |
| 339 | COME ON IN. |
| 340 | ARE YOU SURE? |
| 341 | IT'S FINE. HE'LL BE HERE FOR HOURS. |
| 342 | HUH? |
| 343 | SO... |
| 344 | HOW YOU DOING? |
| 345 | I'M... |
| 346 | I-I'M OKAY. |
| 347 | YOU LOOK GREAT. |
| 348 | YEAH, WELL... |
| 349 | Woman: Dr. Farber |
| 350 | Jason Greenspan is gagging. |
| 351 | BE RIGHT THERE. |
| 352 | BE BACK IN A SECOND. |
| 353 | I DUMPED HIM. |
| 354 | OKAY. |
| 355 | SO, UH... |
| 356 | SO HOW'S THIS, UH... |
| 357 | HOW'S THIS GOING TO WORK? |
| 358 | AHEM. YOU KNOW, WITH US? |
| 359 | YOU KNOW WHEN, LIKE |
| 360 | IMPORTANT DECISIONS HAVE TO BE MADE? |
| 361 | GIVE ME A "FOR INSTANCE." |
| 362 | WELL, I DON'T KNOW. |
| 363 | HOW ABOUT WITH THE BABY'S NAME? |
| 364 | MARLON. |
| 365 | MARLON. |
| 366 | OR "MINNIE" FOR A GIRL. |
| 367 | AS IN "MOUSE"? |
| 368 | AS IN MY GRANDMOTHER. |
| 369 | STILL, YOU SAY "MINNIE," YOU HEAR "MOUSE." |
| 370 | UM, HOW ABOUT, UM... |
| 371 | HOW ABOUT "JULIA"? |
| 372 | JULIA. |
| 373 | WE AGREED ON MINNIE. |
| 374 | WE AGREED WE'D SPEND OUR LIVES TOGETHER. |
| 375 | THINGS CHANGE-- ROLL WITH THE PUNCHES. |
| 376 | I BELIEVE JULIA'S ON THE TABLE. |
| 377 | OH. |
| 378 | SORRY ABOUT THAT. |
| 379 | SO, WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN UP TO? |
| 380 | OH, NOT MUCH. |
| 381 | I GOT A JOB. |
| 382 | THAT'S GREAT. |
| 383 | WHY ARE YOU SO TAN? |
| 384 | OH, I, UH, I WENT TO ARUBA. |
| 385 | OH, NO. |
| 386 | YOU WENT ON OUR HONEYMOON ALONE? |
| 387 | NO. |
| 388 | NO, ACTUALLY, UH... |
| 389 | I WENT WITH, UH... |
| 390 | NOW THIS MAY HURT. |
| 391 | ME? |
| 392 | NO, NO. |
| 393 | I WENT WITH MINDY. |
| 394 | MINDY? |
| 395 | MY MAID OF HONOR, MINDY? |
| 396 | YEAH, WE'RE UH... |
| 397 | KIND OF A THING NOW. |
| 398 | OH. |
| 399 | WELL, UM, I... |
| 400 | YOU GOT PLUGS. |
| 401 | CAREFUL THEY HAVEN'T QUITE TAKEN YET. |
| 402 | AND YOU GOT LENSES. |
| 403 | BUT YOU HATE STICKING YOUR FINGER IN YOUR EYE. |
| 404 | NOT FOR HER. |
| 405 | OH. |
| 406 | LISTEN, I REALLY WANTED TO THANK YOU. |
| 407 | OKAY. |
| 408 | A MONTH AGO, I WANTED TO HURT YOU-- |
| 409 | MORE THAN I'VE EVER WANTED TO HURT ANYONE. |
| 410 | AND I'M AN ORTHODONTIST. |
| 411 | WOW. |
| 412 | YOU KNOW, YOU WERE RIGHT. |
| 413 | I THOUGHT WE WERE HAPPY. |
| 414 | WE WEREN'T HAPPY. |
| 415 | BUT WITH MINDY... |
| 416 | NOW I'M HAPPY. |
| 417 | SPIT. |
| 418 | WHAT? |
| 419 | ME. |
| 420 | ANYWAY, UM... |
| 421 | I GUESS, UH... |
| 422 | I GUESS THIS BELONGS TO YOU. |
| 423 | AND THANK YOU FOR GIVING IT TO ME. |
| 424 | WELL, THANK YOU FOR GIVING IT BACK. |
| 425 | HELLO? |
| 426 | OH, PLEASE. WHAT'S WRONG WITH HELEN? |
| 427 | "HELEN GELLER"? |
| 428 | I DON'T THINK SO. |
| 429 | IT WON'T BE HELEN GELLER. |
| 430 | THANK YOU. |
| 431 | NO, I MEAN |
| 432 | IT'S NOT GELLER. |
| 433 | IT'S GOING TO BE "HELEN WILLICK?" |
| 434 | NO, ACTUALLY WE TALKED ABOUT |
| 435 | "HELEN WILLICK-BUNCH." |
| 436 | WELL, WAIT A MINUTE. |
| 437 | WHY IS SHE IN THE TITLE? |
| 438 | IT'S MY BABY, TOO. |
| 439 | REALLY? I DON'T REMEMBER YOU MAKING ANY SPERM. |
| 440 | YEAH, AND WE ALL KNOW WHAT A CHALLENGE THAT IS. |
| 441 | SEE, SEE? |
| 442 | YOU TWO STOP IT. |
| 443 | NO, SHE GETS CREDIT, I'M IN THERE TOO. |
| 444 | ROSS, YOU'RE NOT ACTUALLY SUGGESTING |
| 445 | "HELEN WILLICK-BUNCH-GELLER?" |
| 446 | THAT BORDERS ON CHILD ABUSE. |
| 447 | UH, OF COURSE NOT. |
| 448 | I'M SUGGESTING "GELLER-WILLICK-BUNCH." |
| 449 | SEE WHAT HE'S DOING? |
| 450 | NO ONE WILL SAY ALL THOSE NAMES. |
| 451 | THEY'LL WIND UP CALLING HER "GELLER." |
| 452 | THEN HE GETS HIS WAY. |
| 453 | MY WAY? YOU THINK THIS IS MY WAY? |
| 454 | BELIEVE ME, OF ALL THE WAYS I EVER IMAGINED |
| 455 | THIS MOMENT IN MY LIFE BEING-- THIS IS NOT MY WAY. |
| 456 | YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 457 | THIS IS TOO HARD-- I CAN'T... |
| 458 | HOW ARE WE? |
| 459 | ANY NAUSEA? |
| 460 | A LITTLE. |
| 461 | YEAH. JUST A LITTLE. |
| 462 | I WAS JUST WONDERING ABOUT THE MOTHER-TO-BE |
| 463 | BUT THANKS FOR SHARING. |
| 464 | UH, LIE BACK. |
| 465 | UH, YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 466 | I'M GOING TO GO. |
| 467 | I DON'T THINK I CAN BE INVOLVED IN THIS PARTICULAR FAMILY. |
| 468 | ( heartbeats ) |
| 469 | ( heartbeats continue ) |
| 470 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 471 | LOOK AT THAT. |
| 472 | I KNOW. |
| 473 | ( heartbeats continue ) |
| 474 | ( heartbeats ) |
| 475 | ISN'T THAT AMAZING? |
| 476 | WHAT ARE WE SUPPOSED TO BE SEEING HERE? |
| 477 | I DON'T KNOW, BUT I THINK IT'S ABOUT |
| 478 | TO ATTACK THE ENTERPRISE. |
| 479 | IF YOU TILT YOUR HEAD TO THE LEFT AND RELAX YOUR EYES |
| 480 | IT KIND OF LOOKS LIKE AN OLD POTATO. |
| 481 | THEN DON'T DO THAT, ALL RIGHT? |
| 482 | OKAY. |
| 483 | MONICA. |
| 484 | WHAT DO YOU THINK? |
| 485 | MM-HMM. |
| 486 | ARE YOU WELLING UP? |
| 487 | NO. |
| 488 | YOU ARE. |
| 489 | YOU'RE WELLING UP. |
| 490 | NO, I'M NOT. |
| 491 | YOU'LL BE AN AUNT. |
| 492 | ( sobbing ): SHUT UP. |
| 493 | HI, MINDY. |
| 494 | HI, I-IT'S RACHEL. |
| 495 | YEAH, I'M FINE. |
| 496 | I-I SAW BARRY TODAY. |
| 497 | UH, YEAH, HE TOLD ME. |
| 498 | NO. NO, IT'S OKAY. |
| 499 | REALLY, IT'S OKAY. |
| 500 | I HOPE YOU TWO ARE VERY HAPPY, I REALLY DO. |
| 501 | UH, OH, AND MIN, YOU KNOW |
| 502 | IF EVERYTHING WORKS OUT AND YOU GUYS |
| 503 | END UP GETTING MARRIED |
| 504 | AND HAVING KIDS AND EVERYTHING... |
| 505 | I HOPE THEY HAVE HIS OLD HAIRLINE AND YOUR OLD NOSE. |
| 506 | OKAY, I KNOW IT WAS A CHEAP SHOT |
| 507 | BUT I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER NOW. |
| 508 | |
| 1 | HI, GUYS! |
| 2 | HEY, PHOEBE! |
| 3 | HEY, OH, HOW DID IT GO? |
| 4 | UM, NOT SO GOOD. |
| 5 | HE SAID, "WE SHOULD DO THIS AGAIN." |
| 6 | ( everyone groans ) |
| 7 | WHAT? "WE SHOULD DO IT AGAIN." |
| 8 | THAT'S GOOD, RIGHT? |
| 9 | NO, LOOSELY TRANSLATED |
| 10 | "WE SHOULD DO THIS AGAIN" MEANS |
| 11 | "YOU WILL NEVER SEE ME NAKED." |
| 12 | SINCE WHEN? |
| 13 | SINCE ALWAYS. |
| 14 | IT'S LIKE DATING LANGUAGE. |
| 15 | YOU KNOW, LIKE, "IT'S NOT YOU" MEANS "IT IS YOU." |
| 16 | OR "YOU'RE SUCH A NICE GUY" MEANS: |
| 17 | "I'LL BE DATING LEATHER-WEARING ALCOHOLICS |
| 18 | AND COMPLAINING ABOUT THEM TO YOU." |
| 19 | OR "I THINK WE SHOULD SEE OTHER PEOPLE" |
| 20 | MEANS "HA, HA, I ALREADY AM." |
| 21 | AND EVERYBODY KNOWS THIS. |
| 22 | OH, YEAH... CUSHIONS THE BLOW. |
| 23 | LIKE WHEN YOU'RE A KID AND YOUR DOG DIES |
| 24 | AND THEY SAY IT WENT OFF TO SOME FARM. |
| 25 | THAT'S FUNNY. |
| 26 | NO, BECAUSE OUR PARENTS ACTUALLY DID |
| 27 | SEND OUR DOG UP TO LIVE ON A FARM. |
| 28 | UH... ROSS? |
| 29 | WHAT, HELLO? THE MILNERS' FARM IN CONNECTICUT? |
| 30 | THE MILNERS HAD THIS UNBELIEVABLE FARM. |
| 31 | THEY HAD HORSES |
| 32 | AND RABBITS TO CHASE |
| 33 | AND... |
| 34 | OH, MY GOD, CHI CHI! |
| 35 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 36 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 37 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 38 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 39 | ♪ WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY ♪ |
| 40 | ♪ YOUR WEEK, YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 41 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 42 | ♪ WHEN THE RAIN STARTS TO FALL ♪ |
| 43 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 44 | ♪ LIKE I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE ♪ |
| 45 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 46 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME TOO ♪ |
| 47 | Chandler: "SO HOW DOES IT FEEL KNOWING YOU'RE ABOUT TO DIE?" |
| 48 | "WARDEN, IN FIVE MINUTES MY PAIN WILL BE OVER |
| 49 | "BUT YOU'LL HAVE TO LIVE WITH THE KNOWLEDGE |
| 50 | THAT YOU SENT AN HONEST MAN TO DIE." |
| 51 | HEY, THAT WAS REALLY GOOD. |
| 52 | YEAH? THANKS, LET'S KEEP GOING. |
| 53 | OKAY. |
| 54 | "SO, WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME, DIMONE... HUH?" |
| 55 | "I JUST WANT TO GO BACK TO MY CELL |
| 56 | BECAUSE IN MY CELL I CAN SMOKE." |
| 57 | "SMOKE AWAY!" |
| 58 | I THINK THIS IS PROBABLY WHY |
| 59 | DIMONE SMOKES IN HIS CELL, ALONE. |
| 60 | WHAT? RELAX YOUR HAND. |
| 61 | LET YOUR WRIST GO. |
| 62 | NOT SO MUCH. |
| 63 | ALL RIGHT, NOW, TRY TAKING A PUFF. |
| 64 | RIGHT. |
| 65 | OKAY, NO, GIVE IT TO ME. |
| 66 | NO, NO, I'M NOT GIVING YOU A CIGARETTE. |
| 67 | DO YOU WANT TO GET THIS PART |
| 68 | OR NOT? HERE. |
| 69 | ALL RIGHT, NOW |
| 70 | DON'T THINK OF IT AS A CIGARETTE. |
| 71 | THINK OF IT AS THE THING |
| 72 | THAT HAS BEEN MISSING FROM YOUR HAND. |
| 73 | WHEN YOU'RE HOLDING IT, YOU FEEL RIGHT, YOU FEEL COMPLETE. |
| 74 | DO YOU MISS IT? |
| 75 | NO, NOT SO MUCH. |
| 76 | ALL RIGHT, NOW WE SMOKE. |
| 77 | OH, MY GOD! |
| 78 | THEY SAY IT'S THE SAME AS THE DISTANCE |
| 79 | FROM THE TIP OF A GUY'S THUMB TO THE TIP OF HIS INDEX FINGER. |
| 80 | THAT'S RIDICULOUS. |
| 81 | CAN I USE EITHER THUMB? |
| 82 | ALL RIGHT, DON'T TELL ME, DON'T TELL ME. |
| 83 | DECAF CAPPUCCINO FOR JOEY. |
| 84 | COFFEE BLACK. |
| 85 | LATTE. |
| 86 | AND AN ICED TEA. |
| 87 | I'M GETTING GOOD AT THIS. |
| 88 | EXCELLENT! |
| 89 | VERY GOOD. |
| 90 | GOOD FOR ME! |
| 91 | ( muttering ) |
| 92 | YOU OKAY, PHOEBE? |
| 93 | YEAH, NO, I'M... IT'S NOT EVEN WORTH IT-- |
| 94 | IT'S MY BANK. |
| 95 | WHAT DID THEY DO? |
| 96 | IT'S JUST... OKAY. |
| 97 | I'M GOING THROUGH MY MAIL |
| 98 | AND I OPEN UP THEIR MONTHLY STATEMENT! |
| 99 | EASY! |
| 100 | OKAY, I KNOW. |
| 101 | AND THERE'S $500 EXTRA IN MY ACCOUNT. |
| 102 | OH, SATAN'S MINIONS AT WORK AGAIN. |
| 103 | NOW I HAVE TO GO THERE AND DEAL WITH THEM... |
| 104 | WHAT? KEEP IT! |
| 105 | IT'S NOT MINE. |
| 106 | I DIDN'T EARN IT. |
| 107 | IT WOULD BE LIKE STEALING. |
| 108 | YEAH, BUT IF YOU SPENT IT, IT WOULD BE LIKE SHOPPING. |
| 109 | OKAY, OKAY, LET'S SAY I BOUGHT A REALLY GREAT PAIR OF SHOES. |
| 110 | DO YOU KNOW WHAT I'D HEAR WITH EVERY STEP I TOOK? |
| 111 | "NOT MINE, NOT MINE, NOT MINE." |
| 112 | EVEN IF I WAS HAPPY, AND SKIPPING, I'D HEAR |
| 113 | "NOT, NOT MINE, NOT, NOT MINE..." |
| 114 | WE'RE WITH YOU, WE GOT IT. |
| 115 | I'D NEVER ENJOY IT. |
| 116 | IT WOULD BE LIKE THIS GIANT KARMIC DEBT. |
| 117 | Monica: CHANDLER, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? |
| 118 | HEY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING? |
| 119 | WHAT IS THIS? |
| 120 | I'M SMOKING, I'M SMOKING. |
| 121 | YOU'VE BEEN SO GOOD |
| 122 | FOR THREE YEARS. |
| 123 | AND THIS IS MY REWARD. |
| 124 | THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU WENT THROUGH THE LAST TIME YOU QUIT. |
| 125 | OKAY, SO THIS TIME I WON'T QUIT. |
| 126 | PUT IT OUT! |
| 127 | I'M PUTTING IT OUT. |
| 128 | OH, NO! I CAN'T DRINK THIS NOW. |
| 129 | I'M GOING TO GO CHANGE. |
| 130 | I'VE GOT A DATE. |
| 131 | WITH ALAN AGAIN? |
| 132 | HOW'S IT GOING? |
| 133 | IT'S GOING PRETTY GOOD, YOU KNOW. |
| 134 | HE'S NICE, WE'RE HAVING FUN. |
| 135 | WHEN DO WE MEET HIM? |
| 136 | LET'S SEE, TODAY IS MONDAY. |
| 137 | NEVER. |
| 138 | NO, NOT AFTER WHAT HAPPENED WITH STEVE. |
| 139 | WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? |
| 140 | ( imitates lisp ): WE LOVED SCHTEVE. |
| 141 | SCHTEVE WAS SCHEXY. |
| 142 | SORRY. |
| 143 | I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT HIM. |
| 144 | LET ME FIGURE THAT OUT. |
| 145 | THEN CAN WE MEET HIM? |
| 146 | MMM... NO... SCHORRY. |
| 147 | Monica: I MEAN, WHY SHOULD I LET THEM MEET HIM? |
| 148 | I BRING A GUY HOME |
| 149 | AND SOON THEY'RE ALL OVER HIM. |
| 150 | THEY'RE LIKE COYOTES PICKING OFF THE WEAK MEMBERS OF THE HERD. |
| 151 | LISTEN, AS SOMEONE WHO'S SEEN MORE THAN HER SHARE OF BAD BEEF |
| 152 | THAT IS NOT SUCH A TERRIBLE THING. |
| 153 | YOUR FRIENDS ARE JUST LOOKING OUT AFTER YOU. |
| 154 | JUST ONCE I WISH I'D BRING A GUY HOME THEY LIKED. |
| 155 | WELL, YOU DO REALIZE THAT THE ODDS OF THAT HAPPENING |
| 156 | ARE A LITTLE SLIMMER |
| 157 | IF THEY NEVER MEET THE GUY. |
| 158 | LET IT GO, ROSS. |
| 159 | YEAH, WELL, YOU DIDN'T KNOW CHI CHI. |
| 160 | Monica: DO YOU ALL PROMISE? |
| 161 | All: YEAH, WE PROMISE. |
| 162 | WE'LL BE GOOD. |
| 163 | CHANDLER, DO YOU PROMISE? |
| 164 | YOU CAN COME IN |
| 165 | BUT YOUR FILTER-TIPPED LITTLE BUDDY STAYS OUTSIDE. |
| 166 | Ross: HEY, PHOEBES! |
| 167 | "DEAR MS. BUFFAY: |
| 168 | "THANK YOU FOR CALLING ATTENTION TO OUR ERROR. |
| 169 | "WE HAVE CREDITED YOUR ACCOUNT $500. |
| 170 | "WE'RE SORRY FOR THE INCONVENIENCE |
| 171 | "AND HOPE YOU'LL ACCEPT |
| 172 | "THIS FOOTBALL PHONE... |
| 173 | AS OUR FREE GIFT." |
| 174 | DO YOU BELIEVE THIS? |
| 175 | NOW I HAVE $1,000 AND A FOOTBALL PHONE. |
| 176 | WHAT BANK IS THIS? |
| 177 | ( buzzer buzzes ) |
| 178 | OKAY, IT'S HIM. |
| 179 | WHO IS IT? Alan. |
| 180 | CHANDLER, HE'S HERE! |
| 181 | OKAY, PLEASE BE GOOD, PLEASE. |
| 182 | JUST REMEMBER HOW MUCH YOU LIKE ME. |
| 183 | ( knocking at door ) |
| 184 | HI, ALAN, THIS IS EVERYBODY. |
| 185 | EVERYBODY, THIS IS ALAN. |
| 186 | HI. |
| 187 | All: HI, ALAN. |
| 188 | I'VE HEARD SCHO MUSCH ABOUT ALL YOU GUYS. |
| 189 | I'LL CALL YOU TOMORROW. THANK YOU. |
| 190 | OKAY... OKAY, LET'S LET THE ALAN-BASHING BEGIN. |
| 191 | WHO'S GOING TO TAKE THE FIRST SHOT? HMM? |
| 192 | COME ON! |
| 193 | I'LL GO. |
| 194 | LET'S START WITH THE WAY HE KEPT PICKING AT... |
| 195 | YOU KNOW, I'M SORRY, I CAN'T DO THIS. |
| 196 | WE LOVED HIM. |
| 197 | All: WE LOVED HIM! |
| 198 | WE'RE TALKING ABOUT SOMEONE THAT I'M GOING OUT WITH? |
| 199 | All: YES! |
| 200 | AND DID YOU NOTICE? |
| 201 | Men: YEAH, IT'S GREAT. |
| 202 | YOU KNOW WHAT WAS GREAT? |
| 203 | HOW HIS SMILE WAS CROOKED. |
| 204 | YES, LIKE THE MAN IN THE SHOE. |
| 205 | WHAT SHOE? |
| 206 | FROM THE NURSERY RHYME: |
| 207 | "THERE WAS A CROOKED MAN WHO HAD A CROOKED SMILE |
| 208 | "WHO LIVED IN A SHOE FOR A... WHILE." |
| 209 | SO I THINK ALAN... WILL BECOME THE YARDSTICK |
| 210 | AGAINST WHICH ALL FUTURE BOYFRIENDS WILL BE MEASURED. |
| 211 | WHAT FUTURE BOYFRIENDS? |
| 212 | NO, I THINK THIS COULD BE... |
| 213 | REALLY? |
| 214 | I'D MARRY HIM FOR HIS DAVID HASSELHOFF IMPRESSION. |
| 215 | YOU KNOW I'M GOING TO BE |
| 216 | DOING THAT AT PARTIES, RIGHT? |
| 217 | YOU KNOW WHAT I LIKE MOST ABOUT HIM? |
| 218 | WHAT? |
| 219 | THE WAY HE MAKES ME FEEL ABOUT MYSELF. |
| 220 | YEAH. YEAH. YEAH. YEAH. |
| 221 | HI. |
| 222 | HOW WAS THE GAME? |
| 223 | WELL... |
| 224 | All: WE WON! |
| 225 | FANTASTIC! I HAVE ONE QUESTION. |
| 226 | HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE? |
| 227 | ALAN. HE WAS UNBELIEVABLE. |
| 228 | HE WAS LIKE THAT BUGS BUNNY CARTOON |
| 229 | WHERE BUGS IS PLAYING ALL THE POSITIONS |
| 230 | BUT INSTEAD IT WAS FIRST BASE, ALAN; |
| 231 | SECOND BASE, ALAN; THIRD BASE, ALAN. |
| 232 | I MEAN, IT WAS LIKE HE MADE US INTO A TEAM. |
| 233 | YEP, WE SURE SHOWED THOSE HASIDIC JEWELERS |
| 234 | A THING OR TWO ABOUT SOFTBALL. |
| 235 | CAN I ASK YOU GUYS A QUESTION? |
| 236 | DO YOU EVER THINK THAT ALAN IS MAYBE SOMETIMES... |
| 237 | WHAT? |
| 238 | I DON'T KNOW, A LITTLE TOO ALAN? |
| 239 | Rachel: OH, NO, THAT'S NOT POSSIBLE. |
| 240 | ONE CAN NEVER BE TOO ALAN. |
| 241 | YEAH, IT'S HIS INNATE ALAN-NESS THAT WE ADORE. |
| 242 | I PERSONALLY COULD HAVE A GALLON OF ALAN. |
| 243 | HEY, LIZZY. |
| 244 | HEY, WEIRD GIRL. |
| 245 | I BROUGHT YOU ALPHABET SOUP. |
| 246 | WITHOUT THE VOWELS? |
| 247 | YES, BUT I LEFT IN THE "Y"s |
| 248 | BECAUSE YOU KNOW, "SOMETIMES Y..." |
| 249 | I HAVE SOMETHING ELSE. SALTINES? |
| 250 | NO, BUT WOULD YOU LIKE $1,000 AND A FOOTBALL PHONE? |
| 251 | WHAT? |
| 252 | OH, MY GOD! |
| 253 | THERE'S REALLY MONEY IN HERE. I KNOW. |
| 254 | WEIRD GIRL, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? |
| 255 | I WANT YOU TO HAVE IT. |
| 256 | NO, NO, I HAVE TO GIVE YOU SOMETHING. |
| 257 | NO, IT'S FINE, YOU DON'T... |
| 258 | DO YOU WANT MY TINFOIL HAT? |
| 259 | NO, BECAUSE YOU NEED THAT. |
| 260 | PLEASE, LET ME DO SOMETHING. |
| 261 | OKAY, ALL RIGHT, I'LL TELL YOU WHAT. |
| 262 | YOU BUY ME A SODA, AND THEN WE'RE EVEN, OKAY? |
| 263 | OKAY. |
| 264 | OKAY. |
| 265 | KEEP THE CHANGE. |
| 266 | THANKS, LIZZY. |
| 267 | SURE YOU DON'T WANT A PRETZEL? |
| 268 | NO, I'M FINE, THANKS. |
| 269 | SEE YOU. |
| 270 | HUH! |
| 271 | A THUMB? |
| 272 | EWW! |
| 273 | I KNOW, I KNOW, I OPENED IT UP |
| 274 | AND IT WAS FLOATING IN THERE LIKE THIS TINY HITCHHIKER. |
| 275 | MAYBE IT'S A CONTEST, LIKE, COLLECT ALL FIVE. |
| 276 | DOES ANYONE WANT TO SEE? |
| 277 | All: NO! |
| 278 | OH, HEY, DON'T DO THAT. |
| 279 | PUT THAT OUT. |
| 280 | COME ON! |
| 281 | IT'S WORSE THAN THE THUMB. |
| 282 | HEY, THIS IS SO UNFAIR. |
| 283 | WHY IS IT UNFAIR? |
| 284 | SO I HAVE A FLAW. BIG DEAL! |
| 285 | LIKE JOEY'S CONSTANT KNUCKLE CRACKING |
| 286 | ISN'T ANNOYING? |
| 287 | AND ROSS WHO OVERPRONOUNCES EVERY WORD; |
| 288 | AND MONICA WITH THAT SNORT WHEN SHE LAUGHS. |
| 289 | I MEAN WHAT THE HELL IS THAT THING? |
| 290 | I ACCEPT ALL THOSE FLAWS. |
| 291 | WHY CAN'T YOU ACCEPT ME FOR THIS? |
| 292 | DOES THE KNUCKLE CRACKING BOTHER EVERYBODY? |
| 293 | WELL, I COULD LIVE WITHOUT IT. |
| 294 | OH, WELL, IS IT, LIKE, A LITTLE ANNOYING |
| 295 | OR IS LIKE WHEN PHOEBE CHEWS HER HAIR? |
| 296 | NOW, DON'T LISTEN TO HIM, PHOEBES. |
| 297 | I THINK IT'S ENDEARING. |
| 298 | OH, YOU DO, DO YOU? |
| 299 | ( laughs then snorts ) |
| 300 | YOU KNOW, THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH SPEAKING CORRECTLY. |
| 301 | INDEED, THERE ISN'T. |
| 302 | I SHOULD REALLY GET BACK TO WORK. |
| 303 | OTHERWISE SOMEONE MIGHT GET |
| 304 | WHAT THEY ORDERED. |
| 305 | Joey: OOH, WELL! |
| 306 | OH, HO, HO, THE HAIR COMES OUT AND THE GLOVES COME OFF. |
| 307 | ( general arguing ) |
| 308 | DID YOU EVER GO OUT WITH A GUY |
| 309 | YOUR FRIENDS ALL REALLY LIKED? |
| 310 | NO. |
| 311 | OKAY. WELL, I'M GOING OUT |
| 312 | WITH A GUY MY FRIENDS ALL REALLY LIKE. |
| 313 | WERE WE TALKING ABOUT THE COYOTES HERE? |
| 314 | ALL RIGHT! |
| 315 | A COW GOT THROUGH! |
| 316 | CAN YOU BELIEVE IT? |
| 317 | IT'S JUST... YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 318 | I JUST DON'T FEEL THE THING. |
| 319 | I MEAN, THEY FEEL THE THING, I DON'T FEEL THE THING. |
| 320 | HONEY, YOU SHOULD ALWAYS FEEL THE THING. |
| 321 | IF THAT'S HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT THE GUY, DUMP HIM. |
| 322 | I KNOW, IT'S JUST GOING TO BE REALLY HARD. |
| 323 | HE'S A BIG BOY, HE'LL GET OVER IT. |
| 324 | NO, HE'LL BE FINE. |
| 325 | IT'S THE OTHER FIVE I'M WORRIED ABOUT. |
| 326 | DON'T YOU RESPECT YOUR BODY? |
| 327 | DON'T YOU REALIZE WHAT YOU'RE DOING? |
| 328 | I'VE HAD IT WITH YOU GUYS AND YOUR CANCER |
| 329 | AND YOUR EMPHYSEMA AND YOUR HEART DISEASE. |
| 330 | SMOKING IS COOL AND YOU KNOW IT. |
| 331 | CHANDLER... IT'S ALAN, HE WANTS TO SPEAK WITH YOU. |
| 332 | REALLY, HE DOES? |
| 333 | HEY, BUDDY, WHAT'S UP? |
| 334 | OH, SHE TOLD YOU ABOUT THAT, HUH? |
| 335 | WELL, YEAH, I HAVE ONE NOW AND THEN. |
| 336 | WELL, YEAH, NOW. |
| 337 | WELL, IT'S NOT THAT... |
| 338 | WELL, THAT'S TRUE. |
| 339 | GEE, YOU KNOW, NO ONE'S... |
| 340 | NO ONE'S EVER PUT IT LIKE THAT BEFORE. |
| 341 | SO, WELL, OKAY, THANKS. |
| 342 | GOD, HE'S GOOD. |
| 343 | IF ONLY HE WERE A WOMAN. |
| 344 | YEAH. |
| 345 | And Lamb Chop and Hush Puppy... |
| 346 | HOW OLD IS THAT SOCK? |
| 347 | IF I HAD A SOCK ON MY HAND FOR 30 YEARS |
| 348 | IT'D BE TALKING, TOO. |
| 349 | OKAY, I THINK IT'S TIME TO CHANGE |
| 350 | SOMEBODY'S NICOTINE PATCH. |
| 351 | HEY! |
| 352 | WHERE'S JOEY? |
| 353 | JOEY ATE MY LAST STICK OF GUM |
| 354 | SO I KILLED HIM. |
| 355 | DO YOU THINK THAT WAS WRONG? |
| 356 | HE'S ACROSS THE HALL. |
| 357 | THANKS. |
| 358 | THERE YOU GO. |
| 359 | OOH, I'M ALIVE WITH PLEASURE NOW. |
| 360 | HEY, PHOEBES, YOU GOING TO HAVE |
| 361 | THE REST OF THAT POP-TART? PHOEBES? |
| 362 | DOES ANYONE WANT THE REST OF THIS POP-TART? |
| 363 | HEY, I MIGHT. |
| 364 | SORRY. |
| 365 | YOU KNOW, THOSE STUPID SODA PEOPLE GAVE ME |
| 366 | $7,000 FOR THE THUMB. |
| 367 | $7,000? |
| 368 | AND ON MY WAY OVER HERE |
| 369 | I STEPPED IN GUM. |
| 370 | WHAT IS UP WITH THE UNIVERSE? |
| 371 | WHAT'S GOING ON? |
| 372 | NOTHING, I JUST THINK IT'S NICE |
| 373 | WHEN WE'RE ALL HERE TOGETHER. |
| 374 | NICER WHEN EVERYONE GETS TO WEAR THEIR UNDERWEAR. |
| 375 | UH, JOEY. |
| 376 | OH. |
| 377 | OH, OKAY. |
| 378 | ( protestations ) |
| 379 | PLEASE, GUYS |
| 380 | WE HAVE TO TALK. |
| 381 | WAIT, WAIT. |
| 382 | I'M GETTING A DEJA VU. |
| 383 | NO, I'M NOT. |
| 384 | ALL RIGHT, WE HAVE TO TALK. |
| 385 | THERE IT IS! |
| 386 | OKAY, IT'S ABOUT ALAN. |
| 387 | THERE'S SOMETHING |
| 388 | THAT YOU SHOULD KNOW. |
| 389 | I MEAN, THERE'S REALLY NO EASY WAY TO SAY THIS. |
| 390 | I'VE DECIDED TO BREAK UP WITH ALAN. |
| 391 | IS THERE SOMEBODY ELSE? |
| 392 | NO, NO, NO, NO, IT'S JUST... |
| 393 | YOU KNOW, THINGS CHANGE, PEOPLE CHANGE. |
| 394 | WE DIDN'T CHANGE. |
| 395 | SO THAT'S IT? IT'S OVER? |
| 396 | JUST LIKE THAT? |
| 397 | YOU KNOW, YOU LET YOUR GUARD DOWN |
| 398 | YOU KNOW, YOU START TO REALLY CARE ABOUT SOMEONE |
| 399 | AND I JUST... I... |
| 400 | LOOK, I CAN GO ON PRETENDING... |
| 401 | OKAY. |
| 402 | NO. |
| 403 | IT WOULDN'T BE FAIR TO ALAN, OR TO YOU. |
| 404 | YEAH, WELL, WHO WANTS FAIR? |
| 405 | I MEAN, I JUST WANT THINGS BACK |
| 406 | YOU KNOW, THE WAY THEY WERE. |
| 407 | I'M SORRY. |
| 408 | OH, SHE'S SORRY. |
| 409 | I FEEL BETTER. |
| 410 | I JUST CAN'T BELIEVE THIS. |
| 411 | I MEAN, WITH THE HOLIDAYS COMING UP. |
| 412 | I WANTED HIM TO MEET MY FAMILY. |
| 413 | I'LL MEET SOMEONE ELSE. |
| 414 | THERE'LL BE OTHER ALANS. |
| 415 | OH, YEAH, RIGHT. |
| 416 | WILL YOU GUYS BE OKAY? |
| 417 | HEY, HEY, WE'LL BE FINE. |
| 418 | WE'RE JUST GOING TO NEED A LITTLE TIME. |
| 419 | I UNDERSTAND. |
| 420 | WOW! |
| 421 | I'M REALLY SORRY. |
| 422 | YEAH. I'M SORRY, TOO. |
| 423 | BUT I GOT TO TELL YOU, I AM A LITTLE RELIEVED. |
| 424 | RELIEVED? |
| 425 | WELL, I MEAN, I HAD A GREAT TIME WITH YOU... |
| 426 | I JUST CAN'T STAND YOUR FRIENDS. |
| 427 | REMEMBER WHEN WE WENT TO CENTRAL PARK AND RENTED BOATS? |
| 428 | THAT WAS FUN. |
| 429 | YEAH. |
| 430 | HE COULD ROW LIKE A VIKING. |
| 431 | HI. |
| 432 | ( all mumble ) |
| 433 | SO HOW DID IT GO? |
| 434 | UH... YOU KNOW. |
| 435 | DID... DID HE MENTION US? |
| 436 | HE SAYS HE'S REALLY GOING TO MISS YOU GUYS. |
| 437 | ( sighing ) |
| 438 | YOU HAD A ROUGH DAY, HUH? |
| 439 | YOU HAVE NO IDEA. |
| 440 | COME HERE. |
| 441 | THAT'S IT, I'M GETTING CIGARETTES. |
| 442 | All: NO, NO, NO! |
| 443 | I DON'T CARE. |
| 444 | GAME'S OVER, I'M WEAK. |
| 445 | I MUST HAVE THE SMOKE. |
| 446 | Phoebe: IF YOU NEVER SMOKE AGAIN |
| 447 | I'LL GIVE YOU $7,000. |
| 448 | YEAH, ALL RIGHT. |
| 449 | |
| 1 | OH, THAT'S GOOD. |
| 2 | ALL RIGHT, PHOEBE. |
| 3 | OKAY. IF I WERE OMNIPOTENT FOR A DAY |
| 4 | I WOULD WANT, UM, WORLD PEACE, |
| 5 | NO MORE HUNGER, |
| 6 | GOOD THINGS FOR THE RAIN FOREST. |
| 7 | ...AND BIGGER BOOBS. |
| 8 | WELL, SEE. YOU TOOK MINE. |
| 9 | CHANDLER WHAT ABOUT YOU? |
| 10 | IF I WERE OMNIPOTENT FOR A DAY |
| 11 | I'D MAKE MYSELF OMNIPOTENT FOREVER. |
| 12 | SEE, THERE'S ALWAYS ONE GUY. |
| 13 | "IF I HAD A WISH |
| 14 | "I'D WISH FOR THREE MORE WISHES." |
| 15 | HEY, JOEY |
| 16 | WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF YOU WERE OMNIPOTENT? |
| 17 | PROBABLY KILL MYSELF. |
| 18 | EXCUSE ME? |
| 19 | HEY, IF LITTLE JOEY'S DEAD |
| 20 | THEN I GOT NO REASON TO LIVE. |
| 21 | JOEY, UH... |
| 22 | OM NIPOTENT. |
| 23 | YOU ARE? |
| 24 | ROSS, I'M SORRY. |
| 25 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 26 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 27 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 28 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 29 | ♪ AND IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY ♪ |
| 30 | ♪ YOUR WEEK, YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 31 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 32 | ♪ WHEN THE RAIN STARTS TO FALL ♪ |
| 33 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 34 | ♪ LIKE I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE ♪ |
| 35 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 36 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME TOO. ♪ |
| 37 | HOW DOES SHE DO THAT? |
| 38 | I CANNOT SLEEP IN A PUBLIC PLACE. |
| 39 | WOULD YOU LOOK AT HER? |
| 40 | SHE'S SO PEACEFUL. |
| 41 | ( stirs ) ( screams ) |
| 42 | WHAT? WHAT? |
| 43 | HI. |
| 44 | IT'S OKAY, YOU KNOW. YOU JUST NODDED OFF AGAIN. |
| 45 | WHAT'S GOING ON? |
| 46 | I GOT NO SLEEP LAST NIGHT. |
| 47 | MY GRANDMOTHER HAS THIS NEW BOYFRIEND |
| 48 | AND THEY'RE BOTH KIND OF INSECURE IN BED. |
| 49 | AND DEAF. |
| 50 | THEY'RE CONSTANTLY REASSURING EACH OTHER |
| 51 | THAT THEY'RE HAVING A GOOD TIME. |
| 52 | YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW LOUD THEY ARE. |
| 53 | WELL, IF YOU WANT YOU CAN STAY WITH RACHEL AND ME TONIGHT. |
| 54 | THANKS. |
| 55 | ...95, 96, 97. |
| 56 | SEE, I TOLD YOU. |
| 57 | LESS THAN 100 STEPS FROM OUR PLACE TO HERE. |
| 58 | YOU GOT TOO MUCH FREE TIME. |
| 59 | HEY, THERE'S THE BIRTHDAY BOY. |
| 60 | ROSS, CHECK IT OUT. |
| 61 | HOCKEY TICKETS, RANGERS-PENGUINS |
| 62 | AND WE'RE TAKING YOU. |
| 63 | HAPPY BIRTHDAY. |
| 64 | WE LOVE YOU, MAN. |
| 65 | THAT'S FUNNY. |
| 66 | MY BIRTHDAY WAS SEVEN MONTHS AGO. |
| 67 | SO? |
| 68 | SO, I'M GUESSING YOU HAD AN EXTRA TICKET |
| 69 | AND COULDN'T DECIDE WHO GOT TO BRING A DATE. |
| 70 | WELL, AREN'T WE MR. THE-GLASS-IS-HALF-EMPTY? |
| 71 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 72 | OH. IS TODAY THE 20th, OCTOBER 20th? |
| 73 | I WAS HOPING YOU WOULDN'T REMEMBER. |
| 74 | ( groans ) |
| 75 | WHAT'S WITH THE 20th? |
| 76 | 11 DAYS BEFORE HALLOWEEN-- |
| 77 | ALL THE GOOD COSTUMES ARE GONE? |
| 78 | TODAY'S THE DAY CAROL AND I FIRST... |
| 79 | CONSUMMATED OUR... |
| 80 | PHYSICAL RELATIONSHIP. |
| 81 | WITH SEX. |
| 82 | YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 83 | I'D BETTER PASS ON THE GAME. |
| 84 | I THINK I'LL GO HOME AND THINK ABOUT MY EX-WIFE |
| 85 | AND HER LESBIAN LOVER. |
| 86 | TO HELL WITH HOCKEY. LET'S ALL DO THAT. |
| 87 | COME ON, ROSS. |
| 88 | YOU, ME, JOEY, |
| 89 | ICE, GUYS NIGHT OUT. |
| 90 | WHAT DO YOU SAY, BIG GUY? HUH? |
| 91 | HUH? HUH? |
| 92 | WHAT ARE YOU DOING? |
| 93 | I HAVE NO IDEA. |
| 94 | COME ON, ROSS. |
| 95 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 96 | MAYBE IT WILL TAKE MY MIND OFF IT. |
| 97 | WILL YOU BUY ME A BIG FOAM FINGER? |
| 98 | YOU GOT IT. |
| 99 | LOOK. LOOK. LOOK. |
| 100 | MY FIRST PAYCHECK. |
| 101 | ( cheering ) |
| 102 | LOOK. |
| 103 | THERE'S MY NAME. |
| 104 | HI, ME. |
| 105 | I REMEMBER THE DAY |
| 106 | I GOT MY FIRST PAYCHECK. |
| 107 | THERE WAS A CAVE-IN IN THE MINES. |
| 108 | EIGHT PEOPLE WERE KILLED. |
| 109 | WOW. YOU WORKED IN A MINE? |
| 110 | NO. I WORKED AT A DAIRY QUEEN. WHY? |
| 111 | OH! ISN'T THIS EXCITING? |
| 112 | I EARNED THIS. |
| 113 | I WIPED TABLES FOR IT. |
| 114 | I STEAMED MILK FOR IT. |
| 115 | AND IT WAS TOTALLY... |
| 116 | NOT WORTH IT. |
| 117 | WHO'S "FICA"? |
| 118 | WHY'S HE GETTING ALL MY MONEY? |
| 119 | I MEAN, WHAT..? |
| 120 | CHANDLER, LOOK AT THAT. |
| 121 | OH. THIS IS NOT THAT BAD. |
| 122 | OH. YOU'RE FINE FOR A FIRST JOB. |
| 123 | Ross: YOU CAN TOTALLY, |
| 124 | TOTALLY LIVE ON THIS. |
| 125 | Phoebe: YEAH. |
| 126 | HEY, BY THE WAY, GREAT SERVICE TODAY. |
| 127 | All: YEAH. |
| 128 | All: HOCKEY! |
| 129 | Guys: HOCKEY! |
| 130 | RACHEL? |
| 131 | ( gasps ): OH, MY GOD! |
| 132 | ( screaming ) |
| 133 | I'VE SEEN BIRDS DO THIS |
| 134 | ON WILD KINGDOM. |
| 135 | WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING HERE? |
| 136 | WELL, WE WERE IN THE CITY SHOPPING |
| 137 | AND YOUR MOM SAID YOU WORK HERE |
| 138 | AND IT'S TRUE! |
| 139 | LOOK AT YOU. |
| 140 | YOU LOOK LIKE YOU'RE IN A PLAY. |
| 141 | GOD, LOOK AT YOU. |
| 142 | YOU ARE SO BIG. |
| 143 | I CAN'T BELIEVE IT. |
| 144 | I KNOW. I KNOW. |
| 145 | I'M A DUPLEX. |
| 146 | SO WHAT'S GOING ON WITH YOU? |
| 147 | WELL, GUESS WHO MY DAD'S MAKING |
| 148 | PARTNER IN HIS FIRM? |
| 149 | ( screaming ) |
| 150 | AND WHILE WE'RE ON THE SUBJECT OF NEWS... |
| 151 | ( screaming ) |
| 152 | LOOK. LOOK. I HAVE ELBOWS. |
| 153 | ( screaming ) |
| 154 | McTAVISH CROSSES THE BLUE LINE |
| 155 | PASSES TO LEECH |
| 156 | LEECH SPOTS MESSIER IN THE CREASE. |
| 157 | HERE'S THE PASS... |
| 158 | WE'LL TAKE A TIME OUT |
| 159 | WHILE MESSIER STOPS TO LOOK AT WOMEN'S SHOES. |
| 160 | CAROL WAS WEARING BOOTS JUST LIKE THOSE |
| 161 | THE NIGHT THAT WE... |
| 162 | WE FIRST, YOU KNOW... |
| 163 | IN FACT, SHE, UH, NEVER TOOK THEM OFF. |
| 164 | ( laughs ) |
| 165 | SORRY. |
| 166 | I CAN'T BELIEVE KEENAN... |
| 167 | ( groans ) |
| 168 | WHAT? |
| 169 | PEACH PIT. |
| 170 | YES, BUNNY? |
| 171 | PEACH PIT. |
| 172 | THAT NIGHT WE, UH, WE HAD... |
| 173 | PEACHES? |
| 174 | ACTUALLY, NECTARINES. |
| 175 | BUT, BASICALLY... |
| 176 | COULD HAVE BEEN A PEACH. |
| 177 | THEN WE, UH... THEN WE GOT DRESSED |
| 178 | AND I WALKED HER TO THE... |
| 179 | THE BUS STOP. |
| 180 | ( sighs ) |
| 181 | I'M FINE. |
| 182 | HEY, THAT WOMAN'S GOT AN ASS LIKE CAROL'S. |
| 183 | WHAT? |
| 184 | I THOUGHT WE WERE TRYING TO FIND STUFF. |
| 185 | COME ON, YOU GUYS, TELL ME ALL THE DIRT. |
| 186 | WELL, THE BIGGEST NEWS IS STILL YOU DUMPING BARRY |
| 187 | AT THE ALTAR. |
| 188 | ALL RIGHT, LET'S TALK REALITY FOR A SECOND. |
| 189 | WHEN ARE YOU COMING HOME? |
| 190 | WHAT... I'M NOT. |
| 191 | COME ON, THIS IS US. |
| 192 | I'M NOT. |
| 193 | THIS IS WHAT I'M DOING NOW. |
| 194 | I'VE GOT THIS JOB... |
| 195 | WAITRESSING? |
| 196 | I'M NOT JUST WAITRESSING. |
| 197 | I MEAN... I, UM... |
| 198 | I WRITE THE SPECIALS ON THE SPECIALS BOARD |
| 199 | AND I... I, UH... |
| 200 | I TAKE THE DEAD FLOWERS OUT OF THE VASE. |
| 201 | OH, AND SOMETIMES ARTURO |
| 202 | LETS ME PUT THE CHOCOLATE BLOBBIES ON THE COOKIES. |
| 203 | WELL, YOUR MOM DIDN'T TELL US ABOUT THE BLOBBIES. |
| 204 | Monica: HOW WAS IT WITH YOUR FRIENDS? |
| 205 | ( screaming ) |
| 206 | OKAY, HOW WOULD YOU LIKE SOME TIKI DEATH PUNCH? |
| 207 | WHAT'S THAT? |
| 208 | WELL, IT'S RUM AND... |
| 209 | OKAY. |
| 210 | WE THOUGHT WE'D HAVE KIND OF A SLUMBER PARTY THING. |
| 211 | WE GOT SOME TRASHY MAGAZINES. |
| 212 | WE GOT COOKIE DOUGH, WE GOT "TWISTER"... |
| 213 | ( phone ringing ) |
| 214 | OH, AND I BROUGHT "OPERATION" |
| 215 | BUT I LOST THE TWEEZERS SO WE CAN'T OPERATE. |
| 216 | BUT WE CAN PREP THE GUY. |
| 217 | RACH, IT'S THE VISA CARD PEOPLE. |
| 218 | OH, GOD, ASK THEM WHAT THEY WANT. |
| 219 | COULD YOU PLEASE TELL ME WHAT THIS IS IN REFERENCE TO? |
| 220 | YES... THEY SAY THERE'S BEEN SOME UNUSUAL ACTIVITY |
| 221 | ON YOUR ACCOUNT. |
| 222 | BUT I HAVEN'T USED MY CARD IN WEEKS. |
| 223 | THAT IS THE UNUSUAL ACTIVITY. |
| 224 | LOOK, THEY JUST WANT TO SEE IF YOU'RE OKAY. |
| 225 | THEY WANT TO KNOW IF I'M OKAY. |
| 226 | OKAY, THEY WANT TO KNOW IF I'M OKAY. |
| 227 | OKAY, LET'S SEE... |
| 228 | WELL, THE FICA GUYS TOOK ALL MY MONEY. |
| 229 | EVERYONE I KNOW IS EITHER GETTING MARRIED |
| 230 | OR GETTING PREGNANT OR GETTING PROMOTED |
| 231 | AND I'M GETTING COFFEE, AND IT'S NOT EVEN FOR ME. |
| 232 | SO IF THAT SOUNDS LIKE I'M OKAY |
| 233 | THEN YOU CAN TELL THEM I'M OKAY. OKAY? |
| 234 | UH, RACHEL HAS LEFT THE BUILDING. |
| 235 | CAN YOU CALL BACK? |
| 236 | ALL RIGHT, COME ON... |
| 237 | LET'S PLAY "TWISTER." |
| 238 | SORRY... SORRY... SORRY. |
| 239 | UH-OH. |
| 240 | WHAT? |
| 241 | THERE WAS ICE THERE THAT NIGHT WITH CAROL? |
| 242 | PLASTIC SEATS? |
| 243 | 4,000 ANGRY PITTSBURGH FANS? |
| 244 | NO, ACTUALLY, I WAS JUST SAYING |
| 245 | LOOKS LIKE WE'RE NOT SITTING TOGETHER. |
| 246 | BUT NOW THAT YOU MENTION IT, THERE WAS ICE THERE THAT NIGHT. |
| 247 | IT WAS THE FIRST FROST. |
| 248 | WE WERE... |
| 249 | SIT, SIT... SIT DOWN, SIT. |
| 250 | YOU SHOULD FEEL GREAT. |
| 251 | YOU'RE DOING THIS AMAZING INDEPENDENT THING. |
| 252 | MONICA, WHAT IS SO AMAZING? |
| 253 | I GAVE UP, LIKE, EVERYTHING. |
| 254 | AND FOR WHAT? |
| 255 | YOU ARE JUST LIKE JACK. |
| 256 | JACK FROM DOWNSTAIRS? |
| 257 | NO, JACK AND THE BEANSTALK. |
| 258 | AH, THE OTHER JACK. |
| 259 | YEAH, RIGHT. |
| 260 | SEE, HE GAVE UP SOMETHING |
| 261 | BUT THEN HE GOT THOSE MAGIC BEANS |
| 262 | AND THEN HE WOKE UP |
| 263 | AND THERE WAS THIS BIG PLANT OUTSIDE OF HIS WINDOW |
| 264 | FULL OF POSSIBILITIES AND STUFF |
| 265 | AND HE LIVED IN A VILLAGE, AND YOU LIVE IN THE VILLAGE... |
| 266 | OKAY, BUT PHEEBS, PHEEBS... |
| 267 | JACK GAVE UP A COW. |
| 268 | I GAVE UP AN ORTHODONTIST. |
| 269 | I KNOW I DIDN'T LOVE HIM. |
| 270 | SEE, JACK DID LOVE THE COW. |
| 271 | BUT, SEE, IT WAS A PLAN. |
| 272 | IT WAS CLEAR. |
| 273 | EVERYTHING WAS FIGURED OUT |
| 274 | AND NOW EVERYTHING'S KIND OF LIKE... |
| 275 | FLOOPY? |
| 276 | YEAH. |
| 277 | YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY ONE. |
| 278 | HALF THE TIME, WE DON'T KNOW WHERE WE'RE GOING. |
| 279 | AT SOME POINT, IT'S ALL GOING TO COME TOGETHER |
| 280 | AND IT'S JUST GOING TO BE... UN-FLOOPY. |
| 281 | LIKE THAT'S A WORD. |
| 282 | BUT MONICA, WHAT IF IT DOESN'T COME TOGETHER? |
| 283 | PHEEBS? |
| 284 | WELL, CAUSE YOU JUST LIKE... I DON'T LIKE THIS QUESTION. |
| 285 | OKAY, SEE, SEE, YOU GUYS-- |
| 286 | WHAT IF WE DON'T GET MAGIC BEANS? |
| 287 | WHAT IF ALL WE'VE GOT ARE... BEANS? |
| 288 | Ross: GET HIM, GET HIM. |
| 289 | GET HIM, GET HIM. |
| 290 | YES! |
| 291 | YOU'RE NOT LAUGHING NOW, |
| 292 | ARE YOU, PAL? |
| 293 | THAT'S ALL YOU NEEDED-- |
| 294 | TOOTHLESS GUYS HITTING EACH OTHER. |
| 295 | WELL, PASS IT! |
| 296 | PASS IT. |
| 297 | Joey: HE'S OPEN. |
| 298 | SHOOT IT! |
| 299 | SHOOT IT! |
| 300 | SHOOT IT! |
| 301 | OHH... |
| 302 | HEY, LOOK, WE'RE ON THAT TV THING. |
| 303 | HEY, LOOK AT THAT, HEY! |
| 304 | EXCUSE ME. |
| 305 | IT SAYS TO CALL THIS NUMBER |
| 306 | IF YOU'RE NOT COMPLETELY SATISFIED |
| 307 | WITH THIS CANDY BAR. |
| 308 | WELL, I'M NOT COMPLETELY SATISFIED. |
| 309 | LISTEN, IT'S KIND OF AN EMERGENCY. |
| 310 | WELL, I GUESS YOU'D KNOW THAT |
| 311 | OR WE'D BE IN THE PREDICAMENT ROOM. |
| 312 | ( laughing ) |
| 313 | HOLD ON. FILL THESE OUT. SIT OVER THERE. |
| 314 | LOOK, I DON'T WANT TO MAKE ANY TROUBLE |
| 315 | BUT I'M IN A LOT OF PAIN. |
| 316 | MY FACE IS DENTED. |
| 317 | YOU'LL HAVE TO WAIT YOUR TURN. |
| 318 | HOW LONG DO YOU THINK IT'LL BE? |
| 319 | ANY MINUTE NOW. |
| 320 | HEY, MISS... |
| 321 | UH... |
| 322 | OH... |
| 323 | I'M SO SORRY, YOU GUYS. |
| 324 | I DIDN'T MEAN TO BRING YOU DOWN. |
| 325 | NO, YOU WERE RIGHT-- I DON'T HAVE A PLAN. |
| 326 | ( knocking at door ) |
| 327 | PIZZA GUY! |
| 328 | OH, THANK GOD. |
| 329 | FOOD! |
| 330 | PHOEBE? |
| 331 | WHAT? |
| 332 | DO YOU HAVE A PLAN? |
| 333 | I DON'T EVEN HAVE A "PLA." |
| 334 | HI. ONE MUSHROOM, GREEN PEPPER AND ONION? |
| 335 | NO, NO... NO, THAT'S NOT WHAT WE ORDERED! |
| 336 | WE ORDERED A FAT-FREE CRUST WITH EXTRA CHEESE! |
| 337 | WAIT. YOU'RE NOT G. STEPHANOPOULOS? |
| 338 | MAN, MY DAD'S GOING TO KILL ME! |
| 339 | WAIT! DID YOU SAY G. STEPHANOPOULOS? |
| 340 | YEAH. THIS ONE GOES ACROSS THE STREET. |
| 341 | I MUST HAVE GIVEN HIM YOURS. |
| 342 | BONEHEAD! BONEHEAD! |
| 343 | IS THIS A SMALL MEDITERRANEAN GUY |
| 344 | WITH CURIOUSLY INTELLIGENT GOOD LOOKS? |
| 345 | YEAH. THAT SOUNDS ABOUT RIGHT. |
| 346 | WAS HE... WAS HE WEARING A STUNNING BLUE SUIT? |
| 347 | AND A POWER TIE? |
| 348 | NO. PRETTY MUCH JUST A TOWEL. |
| 349 | OH, GOD. |
| 350 | SO YOU GUYS WANT ME TO TAKE THIS BACK? |
| 351 | WHAT? ARE YOU NUTS? |
| 352 | WE'VE GOT GEORGE STEPHANOPOULOS' PIZZA! |
| 353 | HERE. |
| 354 | UH, PHEEBS... |
| 355 | WHO IS GEORGE SNUFFLEUPAGUS? |
| 356 | THAT'S BIG BIRD'S FRIEND. |
| 357 | I SEE PIZZA! |
| 358 | I WANT TO SEE! LET ME SEE! |
| 359 | HELLO? WHO ARE WE SPYING ON? |
| 360 | YOU KNOW THE WHITE HOUSE ADVISOR? |
| 361 | CLINTON'S CAMPAIGN GUY |
| 362 | WITH GREAT HAIR, SEXY SMILE... REALLY CUTE BUTT? |
| 363 | OH, HIM! THE LITTLE GUY! |
| 364 | OH, I LOVE HIM! |
| 365 | UH, WAIT. |
| 366 | WAIT. I SEE A WOMAN. |
| 367 | TELL ME IT'S HIS MOTHER. |
| 368 | IT'S DEFINITELY NOT HIS MOTHER. |
| 369 | OH, NO... |
| 370 | WAIT. SHE'S WALKING ACROSS THE FLOOR. |
| 371 | SHE'S WALKING... SHE'S WALKING... |
| 372 | SHE'S GOING FOR THE PIZZA... |
| 373 | HEY, THAT'S NOT FOR YOU, BITCH! |
| 374 | EXCUSE ME. WE'VE BEEN HERE OVER AN HOUR |
| 375 | AND PEOPLE LESS SICK THAN MY FRIEND HAVE GONE IN. |
| 376 | I MEAN, THAT GUY WITH THE TOE THING? |
| 377 | WHO'S HE SLEEPING WITH? |
| 378 | OH, COME ON, DORA, DON'T BE MAD. |
| 379 | I KNOW WE BOTH SAID SOME THINGS WE... |
| 380 | DIDN'T MEAN, BUT... |
| 381 | THAT DOESN'T MEAN WE STILL DON'T LOVE EACH OTHER. |
| 382 | YOU KNOW, I... I FEEL LIKE I'VE LOST HER. |
| 383 | BAH! |
| 384 | LIGHTS STILL OUT? |
| 385 | YEAH. |
| 386 | WELL, MAYBE THEY'RE NAPPING. |
| 387 | OH, PLEASE. |
| 388 | THEY'RE HAVING SEX. |
| 389 | Both: SHUT UP! |
| 390 | SO... WHAT DO YOU THINK GEORGE IS LIKE? |
| 391 | I THINK HE'S SHY. |
| 392 | YEAH? |
| 393 | I THINK YOU HAVE TO DRAW HIM OUT, AND THEN... |
| 394 | WHEN YOU DO, HE'S A PREPPY ANIMAL. |
| 395 | I REMEMBER THE MOONLIGHT |
| 396 | COMING IN THROUGH THE OPEN WINDOW. |
| 397 | HER FACE HAD THE MOST |
| 398 | INCREDIBLE GLOW. |
| 399 | YES, THE MOON, THE GLOW, THE MAGICAL FEELING. |
| 400 | YOU DID THIS PART. |
| 401 | COULD I GET SOME PAINKILLERS OVER HERE, PLEASE? |
| 402 | HE'S RIGHT. ENOUGH ALREADY. |
| 403 | WHAT IS THE BIG DEAL ABOUT TODAY? |
| 404 | SO YOU SLEPT WITH HER FOR THE FIRST TIME-- SO WHAT? |
| 405 | YOU SLEPT WITH HER FOR SEVEN YEARS AFTER THAT. |
| 406 | IT'S JUST A LITTLE MORE COMPLICATED. |
| 407 | IS IT THAT SHE LEFT YOU, THAT SHE LIKES WOMEN |
| 408 | THAT SHE LEFT YOU FOR ANOTHER WOMAN THAT LIKES WOMEN? |
| 409 | A LITTLE LOUDER, OKAY? |
| 410 | THERE'S A MAN ON THE 12th FLOOR IN A COMA |
| 411 | WHO DIDN'T QUITE HEAR YOU. |
| 412 | THEN WHAT? |
| 413 | MY FIRST TIME WITH CAROL WAS... |
| 414 | ( mumbling ): MY FIRST TIME. |
| 415 | WHAT? |
| 416 | ( louder ): IT WAS MY FIRST... TIME. |
| 417 | WITH CAROL? |
| 418 | OH... |
| 419 | SO IN YOUR WHOLE LIFE |
| 420 | YOU'VE ONLY BEEN WITH ONE... OH. |
| 421 | WHOA, BOY, HOCKEY WAS A BIG MISTAKE. |
| 422 | THERE'S A WHOLE BUNCH OF STUFF WE COULD HAVE DONE TONIGHT. |
| 423 | OKAY, I GOT ONE. |
| 424 | DO YOU REMEMBER THAT VEGETARIAN PATE THAT I MADE |
| 425 | THAT YOU LOVED SO MUCH? |
| 426 | UH-HUH. |
| 427 | ( chuckling ) |
| 428 | WELL, UNLESS GOOSE IS A VEGETABLE... |
| 429 | OH! OH! |
| 430 | OKAY, FINE, FINE. |
| 431 | NOW I DON'T FEEL SO BAD ABOUT SLEEPING WITH JASON HURLEY. |
| 432 | WHAT?! YOU SLEPT WITH JASON? |
| 433 | YOU'D ALREADY BROKEN UP. |
| 434 | HOW LONG? |
| 435 | JUST A COUPLE HOURS. |
| 436 | OH, THAT'S NICE. |
| 437 | OKAY, OKAY, I GOT ONE. |
| 438 | ANYWAY, THE VALENTINE TOMMY ROLLERSON LEFT IN YOUR LOCKER |
| 439 | WAS REALLY FROM ME! |
| 440 | EXCUSE ME? |
| 441 | OH, HELLO? LIKE HE WAS REALLY GOING TO SEND YOU ONE. |
| 442 | SHE WAS A BIG GIRL. |
| 443 | REALLY? WELL, AT LEAST BIG GIRLS |
| 444 | DON'T PEE IN THEIR PANTS IN SEVENTH GRADE. |
| 445 | I WAS LAUGHING! |
| 446 | YOU MADE ME LAUGH! |
| 447 | ( both arguing ) |
| 448 | THERE HE IS! |
| 449 | WHERE? |
| 450 | RIGHT WHERE WE'VE BEEN LOOKING ALL NIGHT. |
| 451 | OH, HE'S SO CUTE. |
| 452 | OH, GEORGE, BABY, DROP THE TOWEL! |
| 453 | DROP THE TOWEL. DROP THE TOWEL. |
| 454 | WOW! WOW! WOW! |
| 455 | MAN, CAN YOU BELIEVE HE'S ONLY HAD SEX |
| 456 | WITH ONE WOMAN? |
| 457 | I THINK IT'S GREAT. |
| 458 | YOU KNOW, IT'S SWEET, IT'S ROMANTIC... |
| 459 | REALLY? |
| 460 | NAH. YOU KIDDING? THE GUY'S A FREAK. |
| 461 | HEY! HEY, BUDDY! |
| 462 | HUH? HUH? |
| 463 | OH... THAT'S ATTRACTIVE. |
| 464 | OH, I THOUGHT YOU WERE GREAT IN THE SILENCE OF THE LAMBS. |
| 465 | OH, COME ON, ADMIT IT-- YOU HAD FUN TONIGHT. |
| 466 | FUN? WHERE WAS THE FUN? |
| 467 | TELL ME SPECIFICALLY WHICH PART WAS THE FUN PART? |
| 468 | WHERE'S MY PUCK? |
| 469 | OH, THE KID HAS IT. |
| 470 | THE KID? |
| 471 | EXCUSE ME. THAT'S... THAT'S MY PUCK. |
| 472 | I FOUND IT. |
| 473 | FINDERS KEEPERS, LOSERS WEEPERS. |
| 474 | YOU GOT TO DO IT, MAN. |
| 475 | OH, YEAH? WELL, I'M RUBBER, YOU'RE GLUE. |
| 476 | WHATEVER YOU... NAH. |
| 477 | LISTEN, UH... GIVE ME BACK MY PUCK. |
| 478 | NO. |
| 479 | YES. HOW ABOUT? |
| 480 | NO! NO! |
| 481 | GIVE ME MY PUCK... |
| 482 | HEY! NO ROUGHHOUSING IN MY E.R.! |
| 483 | GIVE ME MY PUCK! |
| 484 | NOW, THAT WAS FUN. |
| 485 | OKAY, MONICA, "RIGHT FOOT RED." |
| 486 | WE COULD HAVE PLAYED MONOPOLY, BUT NO... |
| 487 | ( knock at door ) |
| 488 | THANKS. |
| 489 | OKAY, PHEEBS, "RIGHT HAND BLUE." |
| 490 | GOOD. |
| 491 | ( phone rings ) |
| 492 | HELLO? |
| 493 | OH, UH, RACHEL, IT'S THE VISA CARD PEOPLE. |
| 494 | WILL YOU TAKE MY PLACE? |
| 495 | ALL RIGHT. YES, THIS IS RACHEL. |
| 496 | NO! |
| 497 | HELLO? OH, YEAH, I KNOW. |
| 498 | I HAVEN'T BEEN USING IT MUCH. |
| 499 | OH! WELL, THANKS, BUT I'M OKAY, REALLY. |
| 500 | TO THE GRAY, TO THE GRAY. |
| 501 | I'VE GOT MAGIC BEANS. |
| 502 | NO, NO, NEVER... NEVER MIND. |
| 503 | ( all yelling ) |
| 504 | I'M FINE. |
| 505 | |
| 1 | WILL YOU LET IT GO? |
| 2 | IT'S NOT THAT BIG A DEAL. |
| 3 | IT'S AMAZING, OKAY? |
| 4 | YOU JUST REACH IN THERE |
| 5 | THERE'S ONE LITTLE MANEUVER |
| 6 | AND BAM, A BRA, RIGHT OUT THE SLEEVE. |
| 7 | AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED |
| 8 | THERE IS NOTHING A GUY CAN DO THAT EVEN COMES CLOSE. |
| 9 | Rachel: OH, COME ON! |
| 10 | YOU GUYS CAN PEE STANDING UP. |
| 11 | WE CAN? OKAY, I'M TRYING THAT. |
| 12 | YOU KNOW WHAT BLOWS MY MIND? |
| 13 | WOMEN CAN SEE BREASTS ANYTIME THEY WANT. |
| 14 | YOU JUST LOOK DOWN, AND THERE THEY ARE. |
| 15 | HOW YOU GET ANY WORK DONE IS BEYOND ME. |
| 16 | OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT I DON'T GET? |
| 17 | THE WAY GUYS CAN DO SO MANY MEAN THINGS |
| 18 | AND THEN NOT EVEN CARE. |
| 19 | MULTIPLE ORGASMS. |
| 20 | Joey: THERE YOU GO. |
| 21 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 22 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 23 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 24 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 25 | ♪ WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY ♪ |
| 26 | ♪ YOUR WEEK, YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 27 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 28 | ♪ WHEN THE RAIN STARTS TO FALL ♪ |
| 29 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 30 | ♪ LIKE I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE ♪ |
| 31 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 32 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME TOO ♪ |
| 33 | SO, SATURDAY NIGHT, THE BIG NIGHT |
| 34 | DATE NIGHT, SATURDAY NIGHT, SA-TUR-DAY NIGHT! |
| 35 | NO PLANS, HUH? |
| 36 | NOT A ONE. |
| 37 | NOT EVEN, SAY, BREAKING UP WITH JANICE? |
| 38 | OH, RIGHT, RIGHT. |
| 39 | SHUT UP. |
| 40 | CHANDLER, NOBODY LIKES BREAKING UP WITH SOMEONE. |
| 41 | YOU JUST GOT TO DO IT. |
| 42 | I KNOW, BUT IT'S JUST SO HARD, YOU KNOW? |
| 43 | I MEAN, YOU'RE SITTING THERE WITH HER. |
| 44 | SHE HAS NO IDEA WHAT'S HAPPENING. |
| 45 | YOU FINALLY GET UP THE COURAGE TO DO IT |
| 46 | AND THERE'S THAT HORRIBLE AWKWARD MOMENT |
| 47 | WHEN YOU'VE HANDED HER THE NOTE... |
| 48 | WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BREAK UP WITH HER? |
| 49 | BE A MAN. |
| 50 | JUST STOP CALLING. |
| 51 | IF YOU WANT, I'LL DO IT WITH YOU. |
| 52 | I THINK SHE'D FEEL LIKE WE'RE GANGING UP ON HER. |
| 53 | NO, I MEAN, YOU BREAK UP WITH JANICE |
| 54 | AND I'LL BREAK UP WITH TONY. |
| 55 | YOU'RE BREAKING UP WITH TONY? |
| 56 | YEAH, I KNOW HE'S SWEET, BUT IT'S JUST NOT FUN ANYMORE. |
| 57 | I DON'T KNOW IF IT'S ME OR HIS HUNGER STRIKE, OR... |
| 58 | DOES ANYBODY WANT ANYTHING ELSE? |
| 59 | OH, YEAH. |
| 60 | LAST WEEK YOU HAD A WONDERFUL |
| 61 | NUTTY, CHOCOLATY KIND OF A CAKEY PIE-THING... |
| 62 | NOTHING. JUST, JUST... I'M FINE. |
| 63 | WHAT'S THE MATTER? |
| 64 | WHY SO SCRUNCHY? |
| 65 | OH, IT'S MY FATHER. |
| 66 | HE WANTS TO GIVE ME A MERCEDES CONVERTIBLE. |
| 67 | THAT GUY... HE BURNS ME UP. |
| 68 | YEAH, WELL, IT'S A MERCEDES IF I MOVE BACK HOME. |
| 69 | UGH, IT'S HORRIBLE! |
| 70 | HE CALLED ME "YOUNG LADY." |
| 71 | I HATE WHEN MY FATHER CALLS ME THAT. |
| 72 | DID HE GIVE YOU |
| 73 | THAT "YOU'RE NOT UP TO THIS" THING AGAIN? |
| 74 | OH, YEAH. I ACTUALLY GOT THE EXTENDED DISCO VERSION |
| 75 | WITH THREE CHORUSES OF "YOU'LL NEVER MAKE IT ON YOUR OWN." |
| 76 | ♪ UH-HUH, UH-HUH. ♪ |
| 77 | HI, JOEY. |
| 78 | OH, MY GOD-- ANGELA. |
| 79 | WOW. BEING DUMPED BY YOU OBVIOUSLY AGREES WITH HER. |
| 80 | ARE YOU GOING TO GO OVER THERE? |
| 81 | NO. YEAH. NO. |
| 82 | OKAY, BUT NOT YET. |
| 83 | I DON'T WANT TO SEEM TOO EAGER. |
| 84 | ONE-MISSISSIPPI, TWO-MISSISSIPPI |
| 85 | THREE-MISSISSIPPI... THAT SEEMS PRETTY COOL. |
| 86 | HEY, ANGELA. |
| 87 | JOEY. |
| 88 | YOU LOOK GOOD. |
| 89 | THAT'S 'CAUSE I'M WEARING A DRESS |
| 90 | THAT ACCENTS MY BOOBS. |
| 91 | YOU DON'T SAY. |
| 92 | SO, RACHEL WHAT ARE YOU... |
| 93 | WHAT ARE YOU DOING TONIGHT? |
| 94 | OH, BIG GLAMOUR NIGHT |
| 95 | ME AND MONICA AT LAUNDERAMA. |
| 96 | OH. YOU, UH... |
| 97 | YOU WANT TO HEAR A FREAKISH COINCIDENCE? |
| 98 | GUESS WHO'S DOING LAUNDRY THERE TOO? |
| 99 | WHO? |
| 100 | ME. |
| 101 | WAS THAT NOT CLEAR? |
| 102 | UH, HEY, WHY DON'T, UH... |
| 103 | WHY DON'T I JUST JOIN YOU... BOTH... THERE? |
| 104 | DON'T YOU HAVE A LAUNDRY ROOM IN YOUR BUILDING? |
| 105 | YES. |
| 106 | I DO HAVE A LAUNDRY ROOM IN MY BUILDING. |
| 107 | UH, BUT THERE'S A RAT PROBLEM. |
| 108 | THEY'RE ATTRACTED TO THE DRYER SHEETS |
| 109 | AND THEY'RE GOING IN FINE |
| 110 | BUT THEY'RE COMING OUT ALL... |
| 111 | FLUFFY. |
| 112 | ANYWAY, SAY, SEVEN-ISH? |
| 113 | SURE. |
| 114 | FORGET IT, JOEY. |
| 115 | I'M WITH BOB NOW. |
| 116 | BOB? MM-HMM. |
| 117 | WHO THE HELL'S BOB? |
| 118 | BOB IS GREAT. |
| 119 | HE'S SMART, HE'S SOPHISTICATED |
| 120 | AND HE HAS A REAL JOB. |
| 121 | YOU, YOU GO ON THREE AUDITIONS A MONTH |
| 122 | AND YOU CALL YOURSELF AN ACTOR |
| 123 | BUT BOB... |
| 124 | COME ON. |
| 125 | WE WERE GREAT TOGETHER |
| 126 | AND NOT JUST AT THE FUN STUFF |
| 127 | BUT, LIKE, TALKING TOO. |
| 128 | YEAH... |
| 129 | YEAH, WELL, SORRY, JOE. |
| 130 | YOU SAID "LET'S JUST BE FRIENDS" |
| 131 | SO GUESS WHAT? |
| 132 | WHAT? |
| 133 | WE'RE JUST FRIENDS. |
| 134 | FINE. FINE. SO, WHY DON'T THE FOUR OF US |
| 135 | GO OUT AND HAVE DINNER TOGETHER TONIGHT-- |
| 136 | YOU KNOW, AS FRIENDS? |
| 137 | WHAT FOUR OF US? |
| 138 | WELL, YOU KNOW, YOU AND BOB |
| 139 | AND ME AND MY GIRLFRIEND, UH... UH... |
| 140 | MONICA. |
| 141 | I'M TELLING YOU |
| 142 | THIS GUY IS PERFECT FOR YOU. |
| 143 | FORGET IT. |
| 144 | NOT AFTER YOUR COUSIN |
| 145 | WHO COULD BELCH THE ALPHABET. |
| 146 | COME ON. |
| 147 | THIS GUY'S GREAT. |
| 148 | HIS NAME'S BOB. |
| 149 | HE'S ANGELA'S... BROTHER. |
| 150 | HE'S SMART, HE'S |
| 151 | SOPHISTICATED, AND HE HAS A REAL JOB. |
| 152 | ME, I GO ON THREE AUDITIONS A MONTH |
| 153 | AND CALL MYSELF AN ACTOR, BUT BOB IS... |
| 154 | OH, GOD HELP US. |
| 155 | WHAT? |
| 156 | UGLY NAKED GUYS LAYING KITCHEN TILE. |
| 157 | EEW! EEW! |
| 158 | LOOK, I'M ASKING A FAVOR HERE. |
| 159 | YOU KNOW, I'M THINKING |
| 160 | IF I DO THIS THING FOR HER BROTHER |
| 161 | MAYBE ANGELA WILL COME BACK TO ME. |
| 162 | WHAT'S GOING ON HERE? |
| 163 | YOU GO OUT WITH TONS OF GIRLS. |
| 164 | I KNOW, BUT... |
| 165 | LOOK, I MADE A HUGE MISTAKE. |
| 166 | I NEVER SHOULD HAVE BROKE UP WITH HER. |
| 167 | WILL YOU HELP ME? PLEASE? |
| 168 | OKAY. BYE. |
| 169 | WELL, MONICA'S NOT COMING. |
| 170 | IT'S JUST GOING TO BE ME AND RACHEL. |
| 171 | ( chuckling softly ) |
| 172 | WELL, HOLD ON THERE, CAMPER. |
| 173 | YOU SURE YOU'VE THOUGHT THIS THROUGH? |
| 174 | IT'S LAUNDRY. |
| 175 | THE THINKING THROUGH IS PRETTY MINIMAL. |
| 176 | SEE, IT'S JUST YOU AND RACHEL, JUST THE TWO OF YOU? |
| 177 | THIS IS A DATE. |
| 178 | YOU'RE GOING ON A DATE. |
| 179 | N'UH-UH. |
| 180 | Y'UH-HUH. |
| 181 | SO, WHAT ARE YOU SAYING HERE-- |
| 182 | I SHOULD SHAVE AGAIN, PICK UP SOME WINE? WHAT? |
| 183 | WELL, YOU, UH, MAY WANT |
| 184 | TO RETHINK THE DIRTY UNDERWEAR. |
| 185 | THIS IS BASICALLY THE FIRST TIME |
| 186 | SHE'S GOING TO SEE YOUR UNDERWEAR. |
| 187 | DO YOU WANT IT TO BE DIRTY? |
| 188 | NO. |
| 189 | OH, AND, UH, THE FABRIC SOFTENER? |
| 190 | OKAY, OKAY, NOW, WHAT IS WRONG WITH MY SNUGGLES? |
| 191 | IT, WHAT? IT SAYS I'M A SENSITIVE, WARM KIND OF GUY |
| 192 | YOU KNOW, LIKE A LITTLE FUZZY BEAR. |
| 193 | I CAN GET SOMETHING ELSE. |
| 194 | THERE YOU GO. |
| 195 | THANK YOU. |
| 196 | SO, WHAT DOES THIS BOB GUY LOOK LIKE? |
| 197 | IS HE TALL, SHORT? |
| 198 | YUP. |
| 199 | WHICH? |
| 200 | WHICH WHAT? |
| 201 | YOU'VE NEVER MET BOB, HAVE YOU? |
| 202 | NO, BUT HE'S... |
| 203 | OH, MY GOD, JOEY |
| 204 | THIS GUY COULD BE HORRIBLY... |
| 205 | HEY, JOEY! |
| 206 | HORRIBLY ATTRACTIVE. |
| 207 | I'LL BE SHUTTING UP NOW. |
| 208 | WHERE ARE THEY? |
| 209 | WHERE ARE THEY? |
| 210 | THIS IS NICE. |
| 211 | WE NEVER DO ANYTHING JUST THE TWO OF US. |
| 212 | IT'S GREAT. |
| 213 | MAYBE TOMORROW WE CAN RENT A CAR |
| 214 | RUN OVER SOME PUPPIES. |
| 215 | I DON'T WANT TO DO THAT. |
| 216 | HERE WE GO. |
| 217 | OKAY, HAVE A GOOD BREAK-UP. |
| 218 | HEY, JANICE. |
| 219 | OH, MY GOD I AM SO GLAD |
| 220 | YOU CALLED ME. |
| 221 | I HAD THE MOST SUPREMELY AWFUL DAY. |
| 222 | HEY, THAT'S NOT GOOD. |
| 223 | CAN I GET AN ESPRESSO AND A LATTE OVER HERE, PLEASE? |
| 224 | WE GOT THE PROOFS BACK FROM THAT PHOTO SHOOT-- |
| 225 | THE ONE WITH THE LITTLE VEGETABLES-- |
| 226 | THEY PRETTY MUCH SUCKED |
| 227 | SO I BLEW OFF THE REST OF THE AFTERNOON. |
| 228 | I WENT SHOPPING, AND I GOT YOU... |
| 229 | I'M LOOKING, I'M LOOKING... |
| 230 | I'M LOOKING... |
| 231 | I GOT YOU... |
| 232 | WHAT?! |
| 233 | WHAT? |
| 234 | WHAT... DID YOU GET ME THERE? |
| 235 | I GOT YOU... |
| 236 | THESE. |
| 237 | BULLWINKLE SOCKS. |
| 238 | THAT'S SO SWEET. |
| 239 | I KNEW YOU HAD THE ROCKYS |
| 240 | SO YOU COULD WEAR BULLWINKLE AND BULLWINKLE |
| 241 | OR YOU COULD WEAR ROCKY AND ROCKY |
| 242 | OR YOU CAN MIX AND MATCH. |
| 243 | MOOSE AND SQUIRREL. |
| 244 | WHATEVER YOU WANT. |
| 245 | WELL, I'M GOING TO GET ANOTHER ESPRESSO. |
| 246 | MORE LATTE? |
| 247 | NO... NO, I-I'M, I'M STILL WORKING ON MINE. |
| 248 | ( braying laugh ) |
| 249 | THAT'S IT? |
| 250 | YEAH, IT WAS REALLY HARD. |
| 251 | OH, YEAH, THE HUG LOOKED PRETTY BRUTAL. |
| 252 | OKAY, YOU WEREN'T THERE. |
| 253 | Woman: COMING THROUGH. MOVE, MOVE. |
| 254 | OH, EXCUSE ME. |
| 255 | I WAS KIND OF USING THAT MACHINE. |
| 256 | YEAH, WELL, NOW YOU'RE KIND OF NOT. |
| 257 | BUT, I-I SAVED IT. |
| 258 | I-I PUT MY BASKET ON TOP. |
| 259 | OH, I'M SORRY, IS THAT YOUR BASKET? |
| 260 | YES. |
| 261 | IT'S REALLY PRETTY. |
| 262 | UNFORTUNATELY, I DON'T SEE SUDS! |
| 263 | WHAT? |
| 264 | NO SUDS, NO SAVE. OKAY? |
| 265 | WHAT'S GOING ON? |
| 266 | HI. UH, NOTHING. |
| 267 | THIS HORRIBLE WOMAN JUST TOOK MY MACHINE. |
| 268 | WAS YOUR BASKET ON TOP? |
| 269 | YEAH, BUT THERE WERE NO SUDS. |
| 270 | SO? |
| 271 | YOU KNOW, "NO SUDS, NO SAVE." |
| 272 | NO SUDS, NO..? EXCUSE ME. |
| 273 | HOLD ON A SECOND. |
| 274 | THIS IS MY FRIEND'S MACHINE. |
| 275 | HEY, HEY, HEY, HER STUFF WASN'T IN IT. |
| 276 | HEY, HEY, HEY, THAT'S NOT THE RULE |
| 277 | AND YOU KNOW IT. |
| 278 | ALL RIGHT, SHOW'S OVER. |
| 279 | NOTHING TO SEE HERE. |
| 280 | OKAY, LET'S DO LAUNDRY. |
| 281 | THAT WAS AMAZING. |
| 282 | WELL... |
| 283 | I CAN'T EVEN SEND BACK SOUP. |
| 284 | WELL, THAT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE SUCH A SWEET, GENTLE, UH... |
| 285 | UM, UH, DO YOU, UH, OH, HEY |
| 286 | YOU MUST NEED DETERGENT. OH! |
| 287 | WHAT'S THAT? |
| 288 | UBERWEISS. IT'S NEW, IT'S GERMAN |
| 289 | IT'S EXTRA-TOUGH. |
| 290 | RACH, ARE YOU GOING TO SEPARATE THOSE? |
| 291 | OH, GOD. OH! |
| 292 | AM I BEING, LIKE A TOTAL LAUNDRY SPAZ? |
| 293 | I MEAN, AM I SUPPOSED TO USE ONE MACHINE FOR SHIRTS |
| 294 | AND ANOTHER MACHINE FOR PANTS? |
| 295 | HAVE YOU..? |
| 296 | HAVE YOU NEVER DONE THIS BEFORE? |
| 297 | WELL, NOT MYSELF |
| 298 | BUT I KNOW OTHER PEOPLE THAT HAVE. |
| 299 | OKAY, YOU CAUGHT ME. |
| 300 | I'M A LAUNDRY VIRGIN. |
| 301 | UH, WELL, DON'T WORRY, I'LL USE THE GENTLE CYCLE. |
| 302 | OKAY, UH... |
| 303 | BASICALLY, YOU WANT TO USE ONE MACHINE |
| 304 | FOR ALL YOUR WHITES |
| 305 | A WHOLE NOTHER MACHINE FOR, FOR YOUR COLORS |
| 306 | AND, AND A THIRD FOR YOUR, UH... |
| 307 | UH... DELICATES, AND THAT WOULD BE |
| 308 | YOUR BRAS AND YOUR UNDER... PANTY-THINGS. |
| 309 | OKAY, WELL, WHAT ABOUT... |
| 310 | THESE ARE WHITE COTTON PANTIES. |
| 311 | WOULD THEY GO WITH WHITES |
| 312 | OR WITH DELICATES? |
| 313 | UH, THAT, THAT... |
| 314 | THAT WOULD BE A JUDGMENT CALL. |
| 315 | ( all laughing ) |
| 316 | SO, WHERE DID YOU GUYS GROW UP? |
| 317 | BROOKLYN HEIGHTS. CLEVELAND. |
| 318 | HA. |
| 319 | HOW DID THAT HAPPEN? |
| 320 | OH, MY GOD! |
| 321 | WHAT? |
| 322 | I, UH, SUDDENLY HAD THE FEELING |
| 323 | I WAS... FALLING. |
| 324 | BUT I'M NOT. |
| 325 | SO, YOU AND ANGELA, HUH? |
| 326 | YEP. PRETTY MUCH. |
| 327 | YOU'RE A LUCKY MAN. |
| 328 | YEAH. |
| 329 | YOU KNOW WHAT I MISS THE MOST ABOUT HER? |
| 330 | THAT CUTE NIBBLY NOISE SHE MAKES WHEN SHE EATS |
| 331 | LIKE A HAPPY LITTLE SQUIRREL OR... |
| 332 | OR A WEASEL. |
| 333 | I... I NEVER REALLY NOTICED. |
| 334 | OH, YEAH, YEAH. |
| 335 | LISTEN FOR IT. |
| 336 | MONICA... |
| 337 | MONICA IS GREAT. |
| 338 | YEAH. YEAH, SHE IS. |
| 339 | BUT, UH... IT'S NOT GOING TO LAST. |
| 340 | SHE'S TOO MUCH FOR ME IN BED. |
| 341 | SEXUALLY. |
| 342 | I'VE GOT TO TELL YOU. |
| 343 | BOB IS TERRIFIC. |
| 344 | YEAH. ISN'T HE? |
| 345 | IT IS SO GREAT TO MEET A GUY WHO'S SMART AND FUNNY |
| 346 | AND HAS AN EMOTIONAL AGE BEYOND, LIKE, EIGHT. |
| 347 | YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE? |
| 348 | HE'S UNBELIEVABLE IN BED. |
| 349 | WOW. |
| 350 | MY BROTHER NEVER EVEN TOLD ME WHEN HE LOST HIS VIRGINITY. |
| 351 | HUH. |
| 352 | THAT'S NICE. |
| 353 | YOU CAN DO THIS. |
| 354 | IT'S JUST LIKE PULLING OFF A BAND-AID. |
| 355 | JUST DO IT REALLY FAST AND THEN THE WOUND IS EXPOSED. |
| 356 | GO. GO. |
| 357 | JANICE... |
| 358 | HI, JANICE. |
| 359 | OKAY, HERE WE GO: I DON'T THINK WE SHOULD GO OUT ANYMORE. |
| 360 | JANICE. |
| 361 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 362 | WELL... |
| 363 | WELL, THERE YOU GO. |
| 364 | STOP IT. STOP IT. |
| 365 | STOP IT. |
| 366 | OKAY. I KNOW THIS IS GOING TO SOUND REALLY STUPID |
| 367 | BUT I FEEL... I FEEL THAT IF I CAN DO THIS... |
| 368 | YOU KNOW, IF I CAN ACTUALLY DO MY OWN LAUNDRY |
| 369 | THERE ISN'T ANYTHING I CAN'T DO. |
| 370 | THAT DOES NOT SOUND STUPID TO ME. |
| 371 | LIKE THE FIRST TIME I HAD TO MAKE DINNER FOR MYSELF |
| 372 | AFTER CAROL LEFT ME. |
| 373 | ( buzzing ) |
| 374 | THAT'S ALL THE TIME WE HAVE. |
| 375 | NEXT, ON ROSS... |
| 376 | OKAY. UH-OH. |
| 377 | WHAT "UH-OH"? |
| 378 | UH-OH... |
| 379 | UH-OH... THE LAUNDRY'S DONE. |
| 380 | IT'S A... IT'S A SONG. |
| 381 | THE LAUNDRY SONG THAT WE SING. |
| 382 | ♪ UH-OH, THE LAUNDRY'S DONE. ♪ |
| 383 | ROSS, WHAT'S THE MATTER? |
| 384 | NOTHING. |
| 385 | ♪ LEE-LO, THE LAUNDRY'S DONE. ♪ |
| 386 | COME ON. SHOW ME. |
| 387 | IT'S JUST THAT YOU LEFT A RED SOCK IN |
| 388 | WITH ALL YOUR WHITES AND NOW... |
| 389 | EVERYTHING'S KIND OF PINK. |
| 390 | OH. EVERYTHING'S PINK. |
| 391 | YEAH. |
| 392 | EXCEPT FOR THE RED SOCK, WHICH IS STILL RED. |
| 393 | DON'T BE UPSET. |
| 394 | IT COULD HAPPEN TO ANYONE. |
| 395 | BUT IT DIDN'T. IT HAPPENED TO ME. |
| 396 | GOD! I'M GOING TO LOOK LIKE A BIG MARSHMALLOW PEEP. |
| 397 | WHAT AM I DOING? WHAT AM I DOING? |
| 398 | MY FATHER'S RIGHT. |
| 399 | I CAN'T LIVE ON MY OWN. |
| 400 | I CAN'T EVEN DO LAUNDRY. |
| 401 | ( making nibbly noises ) |
| 402 | SOMETHING WENT WRONG WITH UNDERDOG |
| 403 | AND THEY COULDN'T GET HIS HEAD TO INFLATE |
| 404 | SO, ANYWAY, UM... |
| 405 | HIS HEAD IS, LIKE, FLOPPING DOWN BROADWAY, RIGHT? |
| 406 | AND I'M JUST THINKING... |
| 407 | HOW INAPPROPRIATE THIS IS. |
| 408 | UM... I'VE GOT SOMETHING IN MY EYE. |
| 409 | JOEY, COULD WE CHECK IT IN THE LIGHT? |
| 410 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 411 | WHAT? |
| 412 | HELLO?! |
| 413 | WERE WE AT THE SAME TABLE? |
| 414 | IT'S LIKE COCKTAILS IN APPALACHIA. |
| 415 | COME ON. THEY'RE CLOSE. |
| 416 | CLOSE? |
| 417 | SHE'S GOT HER TONGUE IN HIS EAR. |
| 418 | OH. LIKE YOU'VE NEVER GOTTEN A LITTLE RAMBUNCTIOUS WITH ROSS? |
| 419 | JOEY, THIS IS SICK. |
| 420 | IT'S DISGUSTING. |
| 421 | IT'S... IT'S... |
| 422 | NOT REALLY TRUE, IS IT? |
| 423 | WHO'S TO SAY WHAT'S TRUE? |
| 424 | WHAT WERE YOU THINKING? |
| 425 | ALL RIGHT, LOOK. I'M NOT PROUD OF THIS. |
| 426 | WELL, MAYBE I AM A LITTLE. |
| 427 | OH! |
| 428 | I'M OUT OF HERE. |
| 429 | WAIT. WAIT. WAIT. |
| 430 | YOU LIKE HIM. I WANT HER. |
| 431 | HE LIKES YOU. |
| 432 | REALLY? |
| 433 | YEAH. |
| 434 | I'M THINKING IF WE PUT OUR HEADS TOGETHER |
| 435 | BETWEEN THE TWO OF US WE CAN BREAK THEM UP. |
| 436 | I'M SO SORRY. |
| 437 | I CAN'T BELIEVE I DID THIS. |
| 438 | I JUST COULDN'T STOP LAUGHING AT YOUR NORMAN MAILER STORY |
| 439 | ( making nibbly noises ) |
| 440 | WAITER, ONE MORE PLATE OF CHICKEN WINGS. |
| 441 | HERE'S THE THING, JANICE, WE'RE DIFFERENT. |
| 442 | I'M LIKE THE BING, BING, BING. |
| 443 | YOU'RE LIKE THE BOOM, BOOM, BOOM. |
| 444 | OW! |
| 445 | MY GOD! |
| 446 | I'M SO SORRY. |
| 447 | ARE YOU OKAY? |
| 448 | OW. |
| 449 | IT'S JUST MY LENS. |
| 450 | I'LL BE RIGHT BACK. |
| 451 | OW. |
| 452 | I HIT HER IN THE EYE. |
| 453 | I HIT HER IN THE EYE! |
| 454 | THIS IS THE WORST BREAKUP IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD. |
| 455 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 456 | HOW MANY OF THOSE HAVE YOU HAD? |
| 457 | I DON'T KNOW. |
| 458 | A MILLION? |
| 459 | CHANDLER, SHH. |
| 460 | EASY. EASY. |
| 461 | GO TO YOUR HAPPY PLACE. |
| 462 | ♪ LA, LA, LA, LA, LA, LA. ♪ |
| 463 | I'M FINE. I'M FINE. |
| 464 | I'M FINE. |
| 465 | I'M NOT FINE. |
| 466 | HERE SHE COMES. |
| 467 | JUST WAIT HERE, OKAY? |
| 468 | BREATHE. |
| 469 | HOW DO YOU DO THAT? |
| 470 | IT'S LIKE A GIFT. |
| 471 | WE SHOULD ALWAYS, ALWAYS BREAK UP TOGETHER. |
| 472 | OH, I'D LIKE THAT. |
| 473 | YOU GOT THE CLOTHES CLEAN. |
| 474 | NOW, THAT'S THE IMPORTANT PART. |
| 475 | OH, I GUESS. |
| 476 | EXCEPT EVERYTHING LOOKS LIKE JAMMIES NOW. |
| 477 | OH, I'M SORRY. |
| 478 | EXCUSE ME. |
| 479 | WE HAD THIS CART. |
| 480 | YEAH, WELL, I HAD A 24-INCH WAIST. |
| 481 | YOU LOSE THINGS. |
| 482 | NOW, COME ON. |
| 483 | GET OUT OF MY WAY. |
| 484 | MAYBE I WASN'T BEING CLEAR. |
| 485 | THIS WAS OUR CART. |
| 486 | THERE WEREN'T ANY CLOTHES IN IT! |
| 487 | HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY! QUIT MAKING UP RULES! |
| 488 | LET GO! |
| 489 | ( arguing ) |
| 490 | ALL RIGHT, LISTEN, MITZI. |
| 491 | IF YOU WANT THIS CART |
| 492 | YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO TAKE ME WITH IT. |
| 493 | YES. |
| 494 | DID YOU SEE THAT? |
| 495 | YOU WERE INCREDIBLE. |
| 496 | A BRAND-NEW WOMAN, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. |
| 497 | I COULD NOT HAVE DONE THIS WITHOUT YOU. |
| 498 | OKAY, UM... UH... |
| 499 | MORE CLOTHES IN THE DRYER? |
| 500 | I'M FINE. I'M FINE. |
| 501 | ARE YOU SURE? |
| 502 | NO. |
| 503 | ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE OKAY? |
| 504 | YEAH. |
| 505 | DOES IT STILL HURT? |
| 506 | YEAH. |
| 507 | WHAT A NEAT IDEA. |
| 508 | ALL YOUR CLOTHES MATCH. |
| 509 | I'M GOING TO DO THIS. |
| 510 | HI. |
| 511 | HEY. HOW DID IT GO? |
| 512 | EXCELLENT. |
| 513 | WE RIPPED THAT COUPLE APART |
| 514 | AND KEPT THE PIECES FOR OURSELVES. |
| 515 | WHAT A BEAUTIFUL STORY. |
| 516 | HEY. I'M FINE, BY THE WAY. |
| 517 | OH, I'M... |
| 518 | HEY. WHERE'S CHANDLER? |
| 519 | HE NEEDED SOME TIME TO GRIEVE. |
| 520 | I'M FREE! I'M FREE! |
| 521 | THAT OUGHT TO DO IT. |
| 522 | |
| 1 | THERE'S JOEY'S PICTURE. |
| 2 | THIS IS SO EXCITING. |
| 3 | YOU CAN ALWAYS SPOT SOMEONE |
| 4 | WHO'S NEVER SEEN ONE OF HIS PLAYS BEFORE. |
| 5 | NO FEAR, NO SENSE OF IMPENDING DOOM. |
| 6 | THE EXCLAMATION POINT IN THE TITLE SCARES ME. |
| 7 | IT'S NOT JUST FREUD, IT'S FREUD! |
| 8 | SHH. THE MAGIC IS ABOUT TO HAPPEN. |
| 9 | ( with German accent ): WELL, EVA |
| 10 | WE'VE DONE SOME EXCELLENT WORK HERE |
| 11 | AND I WOULD HAVE TO SAY |
| 12 | YOUR PROBLEM IS QUITE CLEAR. |
| 13 | ( piano intro playing ) |
| 14 | ♪ ALL YOU WANT IS A DINKLE ♪ |
| 15 | ♪ WHAT YOU ENVY'S A SCHWANG ♪ |
| 16 | ♪ A THING THROUGH WHICH YOU CAN TINKLE ♪ |
| 17 | ♪ OR PLAY WITH OR SIMPLY LET HANG. ♪ |
| 18 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 19 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 20 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 21 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 22 | ♪ AND IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY ♪ |
| 23 | ♪ YOUR WEEK, YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 24 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 25 | ♪ WHEN THE RAIN STARTS TO FALL ♪ |
| 26 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 27 | ♪ LIKE I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE ♪ |
| 28 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 29 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME TOO. ♪ |
| 30 | ( cheering ) |
| 31 | ( moaning ) |
| 32 | I FEEL VIOLATED. |
| 33 | WAS I THE ONLY ONE WHO WANTED TO PEEL |
| 34 | THE SKIN OFF THEIR BODY |
| 35 | TO HAVE SOMETHING ELSE TO DO? |
| 36 | ROSS, 10:00. |
| 37 | IS IT? FEELS LIKE 2:00. |
| 38 | NO, 10:00. |
| 39 | WHAT? |
| 40 | THERE'S A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN AT 8:00, 9:00, 10:00. |
| 41 | Ross: HELLO. |
| 42 | SHE'S AMAZING! |
| 43 | SHE MAKES THE WOMEN I DREAM ABOUT |
| 44 | LOOK LIKE SHORT, FAT, BALD MEN. |
| 45 | WELL, GO OVER TO HER. |
| 46 | SHE'S NOT WITH ANYONE. |
| 47 | WHAT WOULD MY OPENING LINE BE? |
| 48 | "EXCUSE ME... |
| 49 | ( blubbering ) |
| 50 | COME ON, SHE'S A PERSON. |
| 51 | YOU CAN DO IT. |
| 52 | COULD SHE BE MORE OUT OF MY LEAGUE? |
| 53 | ROSS, BACK ME UP HERE. |
| 54 | HE COULD NEVER GET A WOMAN LIKE THAT |
| 55 | IN A MILLION YEARS. |
| 56 | YOU KNOW, YOU ALWAYS SEE THESE REALLY BEAUTIFUL WOMEN |
| 57 | WITH THESE REALLY NOTHING GUYS. |
| 58 | YOU COULD BE ONE OF THOSE GUYS. |
| 59 | YOU THINK? |
| 60 | YEAH. ABSOLUTELY. |
| 61 | I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M EVEN CONSIDERING THIS. |
| 62 | I'M VERY AWARE OF MY TONGUE. |
| 63 | COME ON. |
| 64 | HERE GOES. |
| 65 | YES? |
| 66 | HI. |
| 67 | UM... OKAY NEXT WORD WOULD BE... |
| 68 | UH, CHANDLER... |
| 69 | CHANDLER IS MY NAME. |
| 70 | AND UH... UH... HI. |
| 71 | YES, YOU SAID THAT. |
| 72 | YES, I DID. |
| 73 | BUT WHAT I DIDN'T SAY... |
| 74 | WHAT I WANTED TO SAY WAS |
| 75 | WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO OUT WITH ME? |
| 76 | THANK YOU. GOOD NIGHT. |
| 77 | CHANDLER... |
| 78 | HEY! I DIDN'T KNOW |
| 79 | YOU COULD DANCE. |
| 80 | WAS IT GOOD? |
| 81 | I DIDN'T KNOW YOU COULD DANCE. |
| 82 | COME ON. IT WASN'T THAT BAD. |
| 83 | IT WAS BETTER THAN THAT THING WITH THE TROLLS. |
| 84 | AT LEAST YOU GOT TO SEE MY HEAD. |
| 85 | YOU'RE RIGHT. |
| 86 | SAW YOUR HEAD. |
| 87 | SHE SAID YES! SHE SAID YES! |
| 88 | GREAT! |
| 89 | AWFUL PLAY, MAN. |
| 90 | WHOA! |
| 91 | HER NAME'S AURORA AND SHE'S ITALIAN |
| 92 | AND SHE PRONOUNCES MY NAME "CHAND-LER." |
| 93 | "CHAND-LER." |
| 94 | I LIKE IT BETTER THAT WAY. |
| 95 | THE USHER GAVE ME THIS TO GIVE TO YOU. |
| 96 | "ESTELLE LEONARD TALENT AGENCY." |
| 97 | AN AGENCY LEFT ME ITS CARD. |
| 98 | MAYBE THEY WANT TO SIGN ME. |
| 99 | BASED ON THIS PLAY? |
| 100 | BASED ON THIS PLAY. |
| 101 | HEY, KIDS. |
| 102 | HI, CHANDLER. |
| 103 | THIS LINE IS PASSION. |
| 104 | AND THIS IS JUST A LINE. |
| 105 | I'VE BEEN HERE SEVEN SECONDS |
| 106 | AND YOU HAVEN'T ASKED ABOUT MY DATE. |
| 107 | HOW WAS YOUR DATE, CHAND-LER? |
| 108 | IT WAS UNBELIEVABLE. |
| 109 | I'VE NEVER MET ANYONE LIKE HER. |
| 110 | SHE'S HAD THE MOST AMAZING LIFE. |
| 111 | SHE WAS IN THE ISRAELI ARMY... |
| 112 | LUCKILY, NONE OF THE BULLETS HIT THE ENGINE BLOCK. |
| 113 | SO, WE MADE IT TO THE BORDER |
| 114 | BUT JUST BARELY, AND I... |
| 115 | I'VE BEEN TALKING ABOUT MYSELF ALL NIGHT LONG. |
| 116 | I'M SORRY. |
| 117 | WHAT ABOUT YOU? |
| 118 | TELL ME ONE OF YOUR STORIES. |
| 119 | ALL RIGHT, ONCE... |
| 120 | ONCE I GOT ON THE SUBWAY, RIGHT? |
| 121 | AND IT WAS AT NIGHT |
| 122 | AND I RODE IT ALL THE WAY TO BROOKLYN |
| 123 | JUST FOR THE HELL OF IT. |
| 124 | WE TALKED TILL 2:00. |
| 125 | IT WAS THIS PERFECT EVENING... |
| 126 | MORE OR LESS. |
| 127 | ALL OF SUDDEN, WE REALIZE WE'RE IN YEMEN. |
| 128 | I'M SORRY. SO WE IS? |
| 129 | WE WOULD BE ME AND RICK. |
| 130 | WHO'S RICK? |
| 131 | WHO'S RICK? |
| 132 | MY HUSBAND. |
| 133 | EW! EW! EW! |
| 134 | OH, SO YOU'RE DIVORCED? |
| 135 | NO. |
| 136 | OH, I'M SORRY. |
| 137 | SO YOU'RE WIDOWED... HOPEFULLY? |
| 138 | NO, I'M STILL MARRIED. |
| 139 | SO, TELL ME, HOW DO YOU THINK |
| 140 | YOUR HUSBAND WOULD FEEL ABOUT YOU SITTING HERE WITH ME |
| 141 | SLIDING YOUR FOOT SO FAR UP MY PANT LEG |
| 142 | YOU CAN COUNT THE CHANGE |
| 143 | IN MY POCKET? |
| 144 | DON'T WORRY. I IMAGINE |
| 145 | HE'D BE OKAY WITH YOU |
| 146 | BECAUSE REALLY HE'S OKAY |
| 147 | WITH ETHAN. |
| 148 | ETHAN? |
| 149 | THERE'S AN ETHAN? |
| 150 | ETHAN IS MY... |
| 151 | BOYFRIEND. |
| 152 | All: WHAT?! |
| 153 | EXPLAIN SOMETHING TO ME. |
| 154 | WHAT KIND OF RELATIONSHIP DO YOU IMAGINE US HAVING |
| 155 | IF YOU ALREADY HAVE A HUSBAND AND A BOYFRIEND? |
| 156 | I SUPPOSE MAINLY SEXUAL. |
| 157 | HUH. |
| 158 | I'M SORRY IT DIDN'T WORK OUT. |
| 159 | WHAT NOT WORK OUT? |
| 160 | I'M SEEING HER ON THURSDAY. |
| 161 | DIDN'T YOU LISTEN TO THE STORY? |
| 162 | DIDN'T YOU LISTEN TO THE STORY? |
| 163 | THIS IS TWISTED. |
| 164 | HOW COULD YOU GET INVOLVED WITH A WOMAN LIKE THIS? |
| 165 | I HAD TROUBLE WITH IT AT FIRST TOO |
| 166 | BUT I GET ALL THE GOOD STUFF. |
| 167 | ALL THE FUN, ALL THE TALKING, ALL THE SEX |
| 168 | AND NONE OF THE RESPONSIBILITY. |
| 169 | THIS IS EVERY GUY'S FANTASY. |
| 170 | THAT IS NOT TRUE. |
| 171 | ROSS, IS THIS YOUR FANTASY? |
| 172 | OF COURSE NOT. |
| 173 | YEAH. YEAH, IT IS. |
| 174 | SO YOU DON'T MIND GOING OUT WITH SOMEONE |
| 175 | WHO'S GOING OUT WITH SOMEONE ELSE? |
| 176 | I COULDN'T DO IT. |
| 177 | GOOD FOR YOU, JOEY. |
| 178 | I NEED TO KNOW THAT I'M GOING OUT |
| 179 | WITH MORE PEOPLE THAN SHE IS. |
| 180 | WELL, YOU KNOW |
| 181 | MONOGAMY CAN BE A TRICKY CONCEPT. |
| 182 | I MEAN, ANTHROPOLOGICALLY SPEAKING... |
| 183 | ( all snoring ) |
| 184 | FINE, FINE. NOW YOU'LL NEVER KNOW. |
| 185 | WE'RE KIDDING. GO. TELL US. |
| 186 | Joey: COME ON, ROSS. |
| 187 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 188 | THERE'S A THEORY PUT FORTH BY RICHARD LEAKEY... |
| 189 | ( all snoring ) |
| 190 | TA-DA! |
| 191 | ARE WE GREETING EACH OTHER THIS WAY NOW |
| 192 | BECAUSE I LIKE THAT. |
| 193 | LOOK. |
| 194 | I CLEANED! I DID THE WINDOWS. |
| 195 | I EVEN USED ALL THOSE |
| 196 | VACUUM ATTACHMENTS |
| 197 | EXCEPT FOR THAT LITTLE ROUND ONE |
| 198 | WITH THE BRISTLES. |
| 199 | I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT'S FOR. |
| 200 | NOBODY KNOWS. WE'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO ASK. |
| 201 | WELL, WHAT DO YOU THINK? |
| 202 | VERY CLEAN. |
| 203 | REALLY, IT LOOKS GREAT. |
| 204 | OH, I SEE YOU MOVED THE GREEN OTTOMAN. |
| 205 | UH-OH. UH-OH. UH-OH. |
| 206 | HOW DID THAT HAPPEN? |
| 207 | I DON'T KNOW. |
| 208 | I THOUGHT IT LOOKED BETTER THERE. |
| 209 | AND ALSO IT'S AN EXTRA SEAT AROUND THE COFFEE TABLE. |
| 210 | IT'S INTERESTING. |
| 211 | BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? JUST FOR FUN |
| 212 | LET'S SEE WHAT IT LOOKED LIKE IN THE OLD SPOT. |
| 213 | JUST TO COMPARE. |
| 214 | LET'S SEE. |
| 215 | WELL, IT LOOKS GOOD THERE TOO. |
| 216 | LET'S JUST LEAVE IT THERE FOR A WHILE. |
| 217 | CAN'T BELIEVE YOU TRIED TO MOVE THE GREEN OTTOMAN. |
| 218 | THANK GOD YOU DIDN'T TRY |
| 219 | AND FAN OUT THE MAGAZINES. |
| 220 | SHE'LL SCRATCH YOUR EYES RIGHT OUT. |
| 221 | GUYS, I AM NOT THAT BAD. |
| 222 | YEAH, YOU ARE, MONICA. |
| 223 | REMEMBER WHEN I LIVED WITH YOU? |
| 224 | YOU WERE LIKE A LITTLE... |
| 225 | ( imitates music fromPsycho) |
| 226 | THAT IS SO UNFAIR. |
| 227 | OH, COME ON. WHEN WE WERE KIDS |
| 228 | YOURS WAS THE ONLY RAGGEDY ANN DOLL |
| 229 | THAT WASN'T RAGGEDY. |
| 230 | OKAY, SO I'M RESPONSIBLE. |
| 231 | I'M ORGANIZED. |
| 232 | BUT, HEY, I CAN BE A KOOK. |
| 233 | ALL RIGHT, YOU MADCAP GAL. |
| 234 | TRY TO IMAGINE THIS. |
| 235 | THE PHONE BILL ARRIVES |
| 236 | BUT YOU DON'T PAY IT RIGHT AWAY. |
| 237 | WHY NOT? |
| 238 | BECAUSE YOU'RE A KOOK. |
| 239 | INSTEAD, YOU WAIT UNTIL THEY SEND YOU A NOTICE. |
| 240 | I COULD DO THAT. |
| 241 | OKAY, THEN YOU LET ME GO GROCERY SHOPPING |
| 242 | AND I BUY LAUNDRY DETERGENT |
| 243 | BUT IT'S NOT THE ONE WITH THE EASY-POUR SPOUT. |
| 244 | WHY WOULD SOMEONE DO THAT? |
| 245 | ONE MIGHT WONDER. |
| 246 | SOMEONE'S LEFT |
| 247 | A GLASS ON THE COFFEE TABLE. |
| 248 | THERE'S NO COASTER. |
| 249 | IT'S A COLD DRINK, IT'S A HOT DAY. |
| 250 | BEADS OF CONDENSATION ARE INCHING |
| 251 | THEIR WAY CLOSER |
| 252 | TO THE SURFACE OF THE WOOD. |
| 253 | STOP IT! |
| 254 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 255 | IT'S TRUE. |
| 256 | WHO AM I? |
| 257 | MONICA, YOU'RE MOM. |
| 258 | ( gasps ) |
| 259 | ( imitates Psycho music ) |
| 260 | UH-HUH. |
| 261 | OH, MY GOD! |
| 262 | OKAY. |
| 263 | OKAY, I'LL BE THERE. |
| 264 | THAT WAS MY AGENT. |
| 265 | MY AGENT HAS JUST GOTTEN ME A JOB... |
| 266 | IN THE NEW AL PACINO MOVIE! |
| 267 | WHAT? YOU'RE KIDDING. |
| 268 | THAT'S GREAT! |
| 269 | WHAT'S THE PART? |
| 270 | CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS? |
| 271 | AL PACINO! |
| 272 | THIS GUY'S THE REASON I BECAME AN ACTOR. |
| 273 | "I'M OUT OF ORDER? |
| 274 | "YOU'RE OUT OF ORDER. |
| 275 | THIS WHOLE COURTROOM'S OUT OF ORDER." |
| 276 | SERIOUSLY, WHAT'S THE PART? |
| 277 | "JUST WHEN I THOUGHT I WAS OUT |
| 278 | THEY PULL ME BACK IN." |
| 279 | SERIOUSLY, JOEY, WHAT'S THE PART? |
| 280 | UH... |
| 281 | ( mumbles ) |
| 282 | YOU'RE ( mumbles ) WHAT? |
| 283 | I'M HIS BUTT DOUBLE, OKAY? |
| 284 | I PLAY AL PACINO'S BUTT. |
| 285 | HE GOES INTO THE SHOWER |
| 286 | AND THEN I'M HIS BUTT. |
| 287 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 288 | COME ON, YOU GUYS. |
| 289 | THIS IS A REAL MOVIE, AND AL PACINO'S IN IT |
| 290 | AND THAT'S BIG. |
| 291 | OH, NO, IT'S TERRIFIC. |
| 292 | YOU DESERVE THIS. |
| 293 | AFTER YEARS OF STRUGGLE |
| 294 | YOU'VE FINALLY CRACKED YOUR WAY |
| 295 | INTO SHOW BUSINESS. |
| 296 | OKAY, FINE, MAKE JOKES. |
| 297 | I DON'T CARE. |
| 298 | THIS IS A BIG BREAK FOR ME. |
| 299 | YOU'RE RIGHT, IT IS. |
| 300 | SO, YOU GOING TO INVITE US ALL TO THE BIG OPENING? |
| 301 | ( knocking at door ) |
| 302 | YEAH? |
| 303 | HERE. I NEED TO BORROW SOME MOISTURIZER. |
| 304 | FOR WHAT? |
| 305 | WHAT DO YOU THINK? |
| 306 | TODAY'S THE BIG DAY. |
| 307 | GO INTO THE BATHROOM, USE WHATEVER YOU WANT. |
| 308 | JUST DON'T EVER TELL ME WHAT YOU DID IN THERE. |
| 309 | THANK YOU. |
| 310 | WHERE'S JOEY? HIS MOM'S ON THE PHONE. |
| 311 | HE'S IN THE BATHROOM. |
| 312 | YOU DON'T WANT TO GO IN THERE. |
| 313 | OH, COME ON. WE'RE ROOMMATES. |
| 314 | ( screaming ) |
| 315 | MY EYES! |
| 316 | WHO IS BEING LOUD? |
| 317 | THAT'D BE MONICA. |
| 318 | CAN I BORROW |
| 319 | A COUPLE THINGS? |
| 320 | I'M MAKING BREAKFAST FOR AURORA. |
| 321 | YOU GOT THE WHOLE NIGHT, HUH? |
| 322 | WELL, I ONLY HAVE 20 MINUTES TILL ETHAN, SO... |
| 323 | DO I SENSE A LITTLE BIT OF RESENTMENT? |
| 324 | NO, NO, NO RESENTMENT. |
| 325 | BELIEVE ME, IT'S WORTH IT. |
| 326 | YOU KNOW HOW IN A RELATIONSHIP |
| 327 | YOU HAVE KEY MOMENTS THAT YOU KNOW YOU'LL REMEMBER FOREVER? |
| 328 | WELL, EVERY... SINGLE... SECOND IS LIKE THAT WITH AURORA. |
| 329 | AND I'VE JUST WASTED 35 OF THEM TALKING TO YOU PEOPLE. |
| 330 | SO, UH, MONICA, CAN YOU HELP ME WITH THE DOOR? |
| 331 | SURE. |
| 332 | UH, CHANDLER, YOU KNOW |
| 333 | THE OLD MONICA WOULD REMIND YOU |
| 334 | TO SCRUB THAT TEFLON PAN WITH A PLASTIC BRUSH. |
| 335 | I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT. |
| 336 | OKAY, EVERYBODY READY? |
| 337 | I JUST WANT TO THANK YOU FOR THIS GREAT OPPORTUNITY. |
| 338 | LOSE THE ROBE. |
| 339 | ME? |
| 340 | THAT WOULD WORK. |
| 341 | OKAY. LOSING THE ROBE. |
| 342 | OKAY. AND THE ROBE IS LOST. |
| 343 | OKAY, EVERYBODY, I'D LIKE TO GET THIS |
| 344 | IN ONE TAKE, PLEASE. |
| 345 | LET'S ROLL IT. |
| 346 | WATER'S WORKING. |
| 347 | AND... ACTION. |
| 348 | AND... CUT. |
| 349 | HEY, BUTT-GUY, WHAT THE HELL YOU DOING? |
| 350 | WELL... I'M SHOWERING. |
| 351 | NO. THAT WAS "CLENCHING." |
| 352 | WELL, THE WAY I SEE IT, THE GUY'S UPSET, YOU KNOW? |
| 353 | I MEAN, HIS WIFE'S DEAD, HIS BROTHER'S MISSING. |
| 354 | I THINK HIS BUTT WOULD BE ANGRY HERE. |
| 355 | I THINK HIS BUTT |
| 356 | WOULD LIKE TO GET THIS SHOT BEFORE LUNCH. |
| 357 | ONCE AGAIN, ROLLING. |
| 358 | WATER WORKING. |
| 359 | AND... ACTION. |
| 360 | AND... CUT. |
| 361 | WHAT WAS THAT? |
| 362 | I WAS GOING FOR QUIET DESPERATION. |
| 363 | BUT IF YOU HAVE TO ASK... |
| 364 | GOD, I LOVE THESE FINGERS. |
| 365 | THANK YOU. |
| 366 | NO, ACTUALLY I MEANT MY FINGERS. |
| 367 | LOOK AT THEM. |
| 368 | LOOK HOW HAPPY THEY ARE. |
| 369 | OH... OH, MY GOD, I'M LATE. |
| 370 | NO, NO, NO, NO. |
| 371 | DON'T GO, DON'T GO. |
| 372 | OKAY, OKAY. |
| 373 | DON'T GO, DON'T GO. |
| 374 | NO, I HAVE TO. |
| 375 | LOOK AT THAT-- SHE'S LEAVING. |
| 376 | I'M SORRY. HE'LL BE WAITING FOR ME. |
| 377 | WELL, I THOUGHT YOU TALKED TO RICK. |
| 378 | IT'S... NOT RICK. |
| 379 | ETHAN SPENT THE WHOLE DAY WITH YOU. |
| 380 | NO, IT'S... IT'S ANDREW. |
| 381 | I KNOW THERE'LL BE MANY MOMENTS IN YEARS TO COME |
| 382 | WHEN I'LL REGRET ASKING THE FOLLOWING QUESTION, BUT... |
| 383 | AND ANDREW IS..? |
| 384 | HE'S... NEW. |
| 385 | SO WHAT YOU'RE SAYING |
| 386 | IS YOU'RE NOT COMPLETELY FULFILLED |
| 387 | BY RICK, ETHAN AND MYSELF? |
| 388 | THAT'S NOT EXACTLY WHAT... |
| 389 | MOST WOMEN WOULD KILL FOR THREE GUYS LIKE US. |
| 390 | SO WHAT DO YOU WANT? |
| 391 | YOU. |
| 392 | YOU HAVE ME. |
| 393 | NO, NO, JUST YOU. |
| 394 | WHAT DO YOU MEAN? |
| 395 | LOSE THE OTHER GUYS. |
| 396 | LIKE... ALL OF THEM? |
| 397 | COME ON, WE'RE GREAT TOGETHER! |
| 398 | WHY NOT? |
| 399 | WHY CAN'T WE JUST HAVE WHAT WE HAVE NOW-- |
| 400 | JUST TALK AND LAUGH AND MAKE LOVE |
| 401 | WITHOUT FEELING OBLIGATED TO ONE ANOTHER? |
| 402 | AND UP UNTIL TONIGHT |
| 403 | I THOUGHT THAT'S WHAT YOU WANTED TOO. |
| 404 | YOU KNOW, PART OF ME WANTS THAT |
| 405 | BUT IT'S LIKE I'M TWO GUYS, YOU KNOW? |
| 406 | ONE GUY'S SAYING, "SHUT UP! THIS IS GREAT!" |
| 407 | BUT THERE'S THIS OTHER GUY-- |
| 408 | ACTUALLY IT'S THE GUY WHO WELLS UP |
| 409 | EVERY TIME THE GRINCH'S HEART GROWS THREE SIZES |
| 410 | AND BREAKS THAT MEASURING DEVICE?-- |
| 411 | AND HE'S SAYING, YOU KNOW |
| 412 | "THIS IS TOO HARD! GET OUT! GET OUT!" |
| 413 | SO WHICH ONE OF THE TWO GUYS WILL YOU LISTEN TO? |
| 414 | I DON'T KNOW. |
| 415 | I HAVE TO LISTEN TO BOTH OF THEM. |
| 416 | THEY DON'T EXACTLY |
| 417 | LET EACH OTHER FINISH. |
| 418 | WHICH ONE? |
| 419 | THE SECOND GUY. |
| 420 | I SEE. |
| 421 | WELL... |
| 422 | CALL ME IF YOU CHANGE YOUR MIND. |
| 423 | SORRY. THE FIRST GUY RUNS THE LIPS. |
| 424 | ( sighs ) |
| 425 | LOOK AT IT THIS WAY-- YOU DUMPED HER. |
| 426 | RIGHT? THIS WOMAN WAS UNBELIEVABLY SEXY |
| 427 | AND BEAUTIFUL, INTELLIGENT, UNATTAINABLE... |
| 428 | TELL ME WHY YOU DID THIS AGAIN? |
| 429 | HEY, MOVIE STAR. |
| 430 | HEY, WEREN'T YOU THE GUY WHO PLAYS THE BUTT |
| 431 | IN THE NEW AL PACINO MOVIE? |
| 432 | NOPE. |
| 433 | NO? WHAT HAPPENED, BIG GUY? |
| 434 | "BIG GUY"? |
| 435 | IT FELT LIKE A "BIG GUY" MOMENT. |
| 436 | I GOT FIRED. |
| 437 | OH... |
| 438 | THEY SAID I "ACTED" TOO MUCH |
| 439 | WITH IT. |
| 440 | I TOLD EVERYBODY ABOUT THIS. |
| 441 | EVERYONE WILL GO EXPECTING TO SEE ME... |
| 442 | JOE, NO ONE WILL BE ABLE TO TELL. |
| 443 | MY MOM WILL. |
| 444 | THERE'S SOMETHING SO SWEET... |
| 445 | AND DISTURBING ABOUT THAT. |
| 446 | YOU KNOW, I'VE DONE NOTHING BUT CRAPPY PLAYS FOR SIX YEARS |
| 447 | AND I FINALLY GET MY SHOT, AND I BLOW IT! |
| 448 | MAYBE THIS WASN'T YOUR SHOT. |
| 449 | YEAH. I THINK WHEN IT'S YOUR SHOT |
| 450 | YOU KNOW IT'S YOUR SHOT. |
| 451 | DID... DID IT FEEL LIKE YOUR SHOT? |
| 452 | HARD TO TELL. |
| 453 | I WAS NAKED. |
| 454 | I DON'T THINK THIS WAS YOUR SHOT. |
| 455 | YOU DON'T GET JUST ONE SHOT. |
| 456 | I BELIEVE BIG THINGS WILL HAPPEN FOR YOU. |
| 457 | YOU'VE GOT TO JUST KEEP THINKING ABOUT THE DAY |
| 458 | THAT SOME KID WILL RUN UP TO HIS FRIENDS AND GO |
| 459 | "I GOT THE PART! |
| 460 | I'M GOING TO BE JOEY TRIBBIANI'S ASS!" |
| 461 | YOU THINK? THAT'S SO NICE! |
| 462 | OH... |
| 463 | I'M SORRY, JOEY. |
| 464 | I'M GOING TO GO TO BED, GUYS. |
| 465 | GOOD NIGHT, MONICA. |
| 466 | YOU'RE LEAVING YOUR SHOES OUT HERE? |
| 467 | OH. |
| 468 | UH-HUH. |
| 469 | REALLY? JUST CASUALLY STREWN ABOUT |
| 470 | IN THAT RECKLESS HAPHAZARD MANNER? |
| 471 | IT DOESN'T MATTER. |
| 472 | I'LL GET THEM TOMORROW... OR NOT. |
| 473 | WHENEVER. |
| 474 | SHE IS A KOOK. |
| 475 | Monica: MM-HMM. |
| 476 | THEY'RE ONLY SHOES. |
| 477 | IF IT BOTHERS YOU THAT MUCH, JUST GO OUT AND GET THEM. |
| 478 | NO. DON'T DO THIS. |
| 479 | THIS IS STUPID! |
| 480 | I DON'T HAVE TO PROVE ANYTHING. |
| 481 | I'M GOING TO GO GET THEM. |
| 482 | BUT THEN EVERYONE WILL KNOW. |
| 483 | UNLESS I WAKE UP REALLY EARLY AND PUT THEM BACK. |
| 484 | I NEED HELP. |
| 485 | [Captioned by The Caption Center WGBH Educational Foundation] |
| 486 | |
| 1 | EVERYBODY? SHH, SHH. |
| 2 | CENTRAL PERK IS PROUD TO PRESENT |
| 3 | THE MUSIC OF MISS PHOEBE BUFFAY! |
| 4 | HI. I WANT TO START WITH A SONG THAT'S ABOUT THAT MOMENT |
| 5 | WHEN YOU SUDDENLY REALIZE WHAT LIFE IS REALLY ALL ABOUT. |
| 6 | OKAY. HERE WE GO. |
| 7 | OKAY. |
| 8 | THANK YOU VERY MUCH. |
| 9 | WHAT THE..? |
| 10 | OH, GREAT. |
| 11 | THIS IS JUST... |
| 12 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 13 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 14 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 15 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 16 | ♪ WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY ♪ |
| 17 | ♪ YOUR WEEK, YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 18 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 19 | ♪ WHEN THE RAIN STARTS TO FALL ♪ |
| 20 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 21 | ♪ LIKE I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE ♪ |
| 22 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 23 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME TOO. ♪ |
| 24 | WOW, THIS IS SO COOL. |
| 25 | THE ENTIRE CITY IS BLACKED OUT. |
| 26 | MOM SAYS IT'S ALL OF MANHATTAN, |
| 27 | PARTS OF BROOKLYN AND QUEENS, AND THEY HAVE NO IDEA |
| 28 | WHEN IT'S COMING BACK ON. |
| 29 | WOW. YOU GUYS, THIS IS BIG. |
| 30 | PANTS AND A SWEATER? WHY, MOM? |
| 31 | WHO AM I GOING TO MEET IN A BLACKOUT-- |
| 32 | POWER COMPANY GUYS? ELIGIBLE LOOTERS? |
| 33 | CAN WE TALK ABOUT THIS LATER? |
| 34 | OKAY. |
| 35 | CAN I BORROW THE PHONE? |
| 36 | I WANT TO CALL MY APARTMENT |
| 37 | AND CHECK ON MY GRANDMA. |
| 38 | SURE. |
| 39 | WHAT'S MY NUMBER? |
| 40 | WELL, I NEVER CALL ME. |
| 41 | OH, MY GOD. IT'S HER. |
| 42 | IT'S THAT VICTORIA'S SECRET MODEL-- |
| 43 | SOMETHING "GOODACRE." |
| 44 | HI, MOM. IT'S JILL. |
| 45 | SHE'S RIGHT. IT'S JILL, JILL GOODACRE. |
| 46 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 47 | I AM TRAPPED IN AN A.T.M. VESTIBULE |
| 48 | WITH JILL GOODACRE. |
| 49 | IS IT A VESTIBULE? |
| 50 | MAYBE IT'S AN ATRIUM. |
| 51 | YEAH. THAT IS THE PART TO FOCUS ON, YOU IDIOT. |
| 52 | YEAH, I'M FINE. |
| 53 | I'M STUCK AT THE BANK IN AN A.T.M. VESTIBULE. |
| 54 | JILL SAYS "VESTIBULE." |
| 55 | I'M GOING WITH "VESTIBULE." |
| 56 | I'M FINE. |
| 57 | NO, I'M NOT ALONE. |
| 58 | I DON'T KNOW. |
| 59 | SOME GUY. |
| 60 | OH! "SOME GUY." |
| 61 | I AM "SOME GUY." |
| 62 | "HEY, JILL, I SAW YOU WITH SOME GUY LAST NIGHT. |
| 63 | YES. HE WAS SOME GUY." |
| 64 | HI, EVERYONE. |
| 65 | AND OFFICIATING AT TONIGHT'S BLACKOUT |
| 66 | IS RABBI TRIBBIANI. |
| 67 | WELL, CHANDLER'S OLD ROOMMATE WAS JEWISH, |
| 68 | AND THESE ARE OUR ONLY CANDLES. |
| 69 | SO, HAPPY HANUKKAH, EVERYONE. |
| 70 | EWW, LOOK. UGLY NAKED GUY |
| 71 | LIT A BUNCH OF CANDLES. |
| 72 | OOH... OOH... |
| 73 | All: OOH! |
| 74 | OH, THAT HAD TO HURT! |
| 75 | ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. |
| 76 | IT'S BEEN 14 1/2 MINUTES |
| 77 | AND YOU STILL HAVE NOT SAID ONE WORD. |
| 78 | OH, GOD. DO SOMETHING. |
| 79 | JUST MAKE CONTACT. SMILE. |
| 80 | THERE YOU GO. |
| 81 | YOU'RE DEFINITELY SCARING HER. |
| 82 | UH, WOULD YOU LIKE TO CALL SOMEBODY? |
| 83 | YEAH. ABOUT 300 GUYS I WENT TO HIGH SCHOOL WITH. |
| 84 | YEAH, THANKS. |
| 85 | ( ringing ) |
| 86 | HELLO. |
| 87 | HEY, IT'S ME. |
| 88 | IT'S CHANDLER. |
| 89 | ARE YOU OKAY? |
| 90 | YEAH, I'M FINE. |
| 91 | ( mumbling ): I'M STUCK IN AN A.T.M. VESTIBULE |
| 92 | WITH JILL GOODACRE. |
| 93 | WHAT?! |
| 94 | ( mumbling ): I'M STUCK IN AN A.T.M. VESTIBULE |
| 95 | WITH JILL GOODACRE. |
| 96 | I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU SAID. |
| 97 | PUT JOEY ON THE PHONE. |
| 98 | WHAT'S UP, MAN? |
| 99 | ( mumbling ): I'M STUCK... |
| 100 | IN AN A.T.M. VESTIBULE |
| 101 | WITH JILL GOODACRE. |
| 102 | OH, MY GOD! |
| 103 | HE'S TRAPPED IN AN A.T.M. VESTIBULE |
| 104 | WITH JILL GOODACRE! |
| 105 | CHANDLER, LISTEN, LISTEN! |
| 106 | ( mumbling ) |
| 107 | YEAH, LIKE THAT THOUGHT NEVER ENTERED MY MIND. |
| 108 | Rachel: OKAY, SOMEBODY, SOMEBODY. |
| 109 | I'LL GO, I'LL GO. |
| 110 | SENIOR YEAR OF COLLEGE ON A POOL TABLE. |
| 111 | POOL TABLE! OOH-HOO! |
| 112 | THAT'S MY SISTER. |
| 113 | OKAY, OKAY, OKAY. |
| 114 | MY WEIRDEST PLACE WOULD HAVE TO BE... |
| 115 | THE WOMEN'S ROOM ON THE SECOND FLOOR |
| 116 | OF THE NEW YORK CITY PUBLIC LIBRARY. |
| 117 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 118 | WHAT WERE YOU DOING IN A LIBRARY? |
| 119 | HEY, PHEEBS, WHAT ABOUT YOU? |
| 120 | OH, UM, MILWAUKEE. |
| 121 | UM, ROSS? |
| 122 | DISNEYLAND, 1989-- |
| 123 | "IT'S A SMALL WORLD AFTER ALL." |
| 124 | NO WAY. |
| 125 | YEAH, THE RIDE BROKE DOWN |
| 126 | SO CAROL AND I WENT |
| 127 | BEHIND A COUPLE OF THOSE MECHANICAL |
| 128 | DUTCH CHILDREN. |
| 129 | THEY FIXED THE RIDE |
| 130 | AND WE WERE ASKED NEVER TO RETURN |
| 131 | TO THE MAGIC KINGDOM. |
| 132 | OOH, RACHEL? |
| 133 | COME ON, I ALREADY WENT. |
| 134 | YOU DID NOT. |
| 135 | YES, I DID. |
| 136 | COME ON. |
| 137 | ALL RIGHT, UH... |
| 138 | THE WEIRDEST PLACE WOULD HAVE TO BE |
| 139 | OH... THE FOOT OF THE BED. |
| 140 | STEP BACK. |
| 141 | WE HAVE A WINNER. |
| 142 | I'VE NEVER HAD A RELATIONSHIP |
| 143 | WITH THAT KIND OF PASSION |
| 144 | WHERE YOU HAVE TO HAVE SOMEBODY RIGHT THERE IN THE MIDDLE |
| 145 | OF A THEME PARK. |
| 146 | WELL, IT WAS THE ONLY THING TO DO THERE |
| 147 | THAT DIDN'T HAVE A LINE. |
| 148 | WELL, SEE? BARRY WOULDN'T EVEN KISS ME |
| 149 | ON A MINIATURE GOLF COURSE. |
| 150 | COME ON. |
| 151 | NO. |
| 152 | HE SAID WE WERE HOLDING UP THE PEOPLE BEHIND US. |
| 153 | AND YOU DIDN'T MARRY HIM BECAUSE... |
| 154 | DO YOU THINK THERE ARE PEOPLE THAT GO THROUGH LIFE |
| 155 | NEVER HAVING THAT KIND OF..? |
| 156 | PROBABLY. |
| 157 | REALLY? |
| 158 | BUT I'LL TELL YOU SOMETHING-- |
| 159 | PASSION IS WAY OVERRATED. |
| 160 | YEAH, RIGHT. |
| 161 | IT IS. EVENTUALLY, IT KIND OF BURNS OUT |
| 162 | BUT, HOPEFULLY |
| 163 | WHAT YOU'RE LEFT WITH IS TRUST AND SECURITY |
| 164 | AND, WELL, IN THE CASE |
| 165 | OF MY EX-WIFE, LESBIANISM. |
| 166 | SO FOR ALL THOSE WHO MISS OUT ON THAT PASSION THING |
| 167 | THERE'S ALL THAT OTHER GOOD STUFF. |
| 168 | OKAY. |
| 169 | BUT I DON'T THINK THAT WILL BE YOU. |
| 170 | YOU DON'T? |
| 171 | HMM. |
| 172 | SEE, I SEE, UH... BIG PASSION IN YOUR FUTURE. |
| 173 | REALLY? MM-HMM. |
| 174 | YOU DO? I DO. |
| 175 | OH, ROSS, YOU'RE SO GREAT. |
| 176 | IT'S NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN. |
| 177 | WHAT? |
| 178 | YOU AND RACHEL. |
| 179 | WHA... ME AND RA... WHA..? |
| 180 | WHY NOT? |
| 181 | BECAUSE YOU WAITED TOO LONG TO MAKE YOUR MOVE |
| 182 | AND NOW YOU'RE IN "THE FRIEND ZONE." |
| 183 | NO, NO, NO, I'M NOT IN THE ZONE. |
| 184 | NO. ROSS, YOU'RE MAYOR OF THE ZONE. |
| 185 | LOOK, I'M TAKING MY TIME, ALL RIGHT? |
| 186 | I'M LAYING THE GROUNDWORK. |
| 187 | YEAH, EVERY DAY, I GET JUST A LITTLE BIT CLOSER TO... |
| 188 | PRIESTHOOD. |
| 189 | ROSS, I'M TELLING YOU, SHE HAS NO IDEA |
| 190 | WHAT YOU'RE THINKING. |
| 191 | IF YOU DON'T ASK HER OUT SOON |
| 192 | YOU'LL END UP STUCK IN THE ZONE FOREVER. |
| 193 | I WILL, I WILL. |
| 194 | I'M JUST... SEE, I'M WAITING FOR THE, UH... |
| 195 | THE RIGHT MOMENT. |
| 196 | ( sighs ) |
| 197 | WHAT? |
| 198 | WHAT? NOW? |
| 199 | DUH..! |
| 200 | WHAT'S MESSING YOU UP? |
| 201 | THE WINE, THE CANDLES, THE MOONLIGHT, HUH? |
| 202 | JUST GO UP TO HER AND SAY, "LOOK, RACHEL..." |
| 203 | SHH-SHH-SHH! |
| 204 | SHH-SHH-SHH! |
| 205 | WHAT ARE WE SHUSHING? |
| 206 | WE'RE SHUSHING BECAUSE... WE'RE TRYING TO HEAR SOMETHING. |
| 207 | WHAT? |
| 208 | SHH. |
| 209 | DON'T YOU HEAR THAT? |
| 210 | AHH! |
| 211 | SEE? |
| 212 | WOULD YOU LIKE SOME GUM? |
| 213 | OH, IS IT SUGARLESS? |
| 214 | NO. SORRY, IT'S NOT. |
| 215 | THEN, NO THANKS. |
| 216 | WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT? |
| 217 | IF JILL GOODACRE OFFERS YOU GUM, YOU TAKE IT. |
| 218 | IF SHE OFFERS YOU MANGLED ANIMAL CARCASS, YOU TAKE IT. |
| 219 | Phoebe: ♪ NEW YORK CITY HAS NO POWER ♪ |
| 220 | ♪ AND THE MILK IS GETTING SOUR ♪ |
| 221 | ♪ BUT TO ME IT IS NOT SCARY ♪ |
| 222 | ♪ 'CAUSE I STAY AWAY FROM DAIRY... ♪ |
| 223 | ♪ LA-LA LA-LA-LA-LA-LA... ♪ |
| 224 | OKAY, HERE GOES. |
| 225 | YOU GONNA DO IT? I'M GONNA DO IT. |
| 226 | WANT ME TO HELP? |
| 227 | YOU COME OUT THERE YOU'RE A DEAD MAN. |
| 228 | ROSS... |
| 229 | GOOD LUCK, MAN. |
| 230 | THANKS. |
| 231 | OKAY. |
| 232 | OKAY. |
| 233 | WHERE YOU GOING? |
| 234 | OUTSIDE. |
| 235 | YOU CAN'T GO OUT THERE. |
| 236 | WHY NOT? |
| 237 | BECAUSE OF, UH... THE REASON. |
| 238 | AND THAT WOULD BE? |
| 239 | I, UH... I CAN'T TELL YOU. |
| 240 | JOEY, WHAT'S GOING ON? |
| 241 | OKAY, LISTEN, YOU GOT TO PROMISE |
| 242 | YOU'LL NEVER, EVER TELL ROSS THAT I TOLD YOU. |
| 243 | ABOUT WHAT? |
| 244 | HE'S PLANNING YOUR BIRTHDAY PARTY. |
| 245 | OH, MY GOD, I LOVE HIM. |
| 246 | AND YOU BETTER ACT SURPRISED. |
| 247 | ABOUT WHAT? |
| 248 | MY SURPRISE PARTY. |
| 249 | WHAT SURPRISE PARTY? |
| 250 | OH, STOP IT. |
| 251 | JOEY ALREADY TOLD ME. |
| 252 | WELL, HE DIDN'T TELL ME. |
| 253 | HEY, DON'T LOOK AT ME. |
| 254 | THIS IS ROSS'S THING. |
| 255 | THIS IS SO TYPICAL. |
| 256 | I'M THE LAST ONE TO KNOW EVERYTHING. |
| 257 | YOU ARE NOT. WE TELL YOU STUFF. |
| 258 | YUH-HUH. I WAS THE LAST TO KNOW |
| 259 | WHEN CHANDLER GOT BIT BY THE PEACOCK AT THE ZOO. |
| 260 | LAST TO KNOW YOU HAD A CRUSH ON JOEY |
| 261 | WHEN HE WAS MOVING IN. |
| 262 | WHAT? |
| 263 | OH, LOOKS LIKE I WAS SECOND TO LAST. |
| 264 | MMM, SO NICE. |
| 265 | MM. |
| 266 | HEY, I HAVE A QUESTION. |
| 267 | WELL, ACTUALLY, IT'S NOT SO MUCH A QUESTION |
| 268 | AS MORE OF A GENERAL WONDERING... MENT. |
| 269 | OKAY. |
| 270 | OKAY. |
| 271 | UH, HERE GOES. |
| 272 | UM, WELL, FOR A WHILE NOW, I'VE BEEN WANTING TO, UM... |
| 273 | OH... |
| 274 | YES, YES. |
| 275 | OH, WOOK AT |
| 276 | THE WIDDLE KITTY. |
| 277 | WHAT? |
| 278 | ( yells ) |
| 279 | ♪ ...TOP OF THE WORLD LOOKING ♪ |
| 280 | ♪ DOWN ON CREATION ♪ |
| 281 | ♪ AND THE ONLY EXPLANATION I CAN FIND ♪ |
| 282 | ♪ IS THE LOVE THAT I'VE FOUND ♪ |
| 283 | ♪ EVER SINCE YOU'VE BEEN AROUND... ♪ |
| 284 | THIS IS JUST BACTINE. |
| 285 | IT WON'T HURT. |
| 286 | OW, OW. |
| 287 | SORRY. THAT WAS WAX. |
| 288 | THIS POOR LITTLE TOOTY |
| 289 | IS SCARED TO DEATH. |
| 290 | WE SHOULD FIND HIS OWNER. |
| 291 | LET'S PUT THE POOR LITTLE TOOTY IN THE HALL. |
| 292 | DURING A BLACKOUT? |
| 293 | SHE'LL GET TRAMPLED. |
| 294 | YEAH..? |
| 295 | ON SECOND THOUGHT, GUM WOULD BE PERFECTION. |
| 296 | "GUM WOULD BE PERFECTION"? |
| 297 | "GUM WOULD BE PERFECTION." |
| 298 | COULD HAVE SAID, "GUM WOULD BE NICE." |
| 299 | COULD HAVE SAID, "I'LL HAVE A STICK." |
| 300 | BUT NO, NO, NO, NO, FOR ME GUM IS PERFECTION. |
| 301 | I LOATHE MYSELF. |
| 302 | OH, NO. THE MELLMANS. |
| 303 | THEY HATE ALL LIVING THINGS. |
| 304 | ( sighs ) |
| 305 | HI. WE JUST FOUND THIS CAT. |
| 306 | WE'RE LOOKING FOR THE OWNER. |
| 307 | UM, YEAH, IT'S, UH, IT'S MINE. |
| 308 | IT SEEMS TO HATE YOU. |
| 309 | ARE YOU SURE? |
| 310 | YEAH. GIVE ME MY CAT. |
| 311 | WELL, WAIT A MINUTE. |
| 312 | WHAT'S HIS NAME? |
| 313 | UM, BU-- BUTTONS. |
| 314 | BOB BUTTONS? |
| 315 | UH-HUH. BOB BUTTONS. |
| 316 | OHH! |
| 317 | YOU ARE A VERY BAD MAN. |
| 318 | YOU OWE ME A CAT. |
| 319 | HERE, KITTY, KITTY, KITTY. |
| 320 | HERE, KITTY, KITTY. |
| 321 | WHERE DID YOU GO, LITTLE KITTY, KITTY, KITTY? |
| 322 | ( making kissing noises ) |
| 323 | KITTY, KITTY, KITTY. |
| 324 | COME HERE, KITTY, KITTY, KITTY, KITTY |
| 325 | KITTY... KITTY... KITTY... KITTY... |
| 326 | KITTY... |
| 327 | HI. |
| 328 | BENE SERA. |
| 329 | OH, WOW. |
| 330 | COME ON, LUCKY SIXES. |
| 331 | EVERYBODY? |
| 332 | THIS IS PAOLO. |
| 333 | PAOLO, I WANT YOU |
| 334 | TO MEET MY FRIENDS. |
| 335 | THIS IS MONICA. |
| 336 | HI. |
| 337 | AND JOEY. |
| 338 | HI. |
| 339 | AND ROSS. |
| 340 | HI. |
| 341 | ( speaking Italian ) |
| 342 | HE DOESN'T SPEAK MUCH ENGLISH. |
| 343 | MONOPOLY. |
| 344 | ( laughing ) |
| 345 | LOOK AT THAT. |
| 346 | SO, UH... |
| 347 | WHERE DID, UH, PAOLO COME FROM? |
| 348 | UH, ITALY, I THINK. |
| 349 | NO, I MEAN TONIGHT, IN THE BUILDING... |
| 350 | SUDDENLY INTO OUR LIVES. |
| 351 | WELL, THAT CAT. |
| 352 | THE CAT TURNED OUT TO BE PAOLO'S CAT. |
| 353 | ISN'T THAT FUNNY? |
| 354 | HA! |
| 355 | THAT-- THAT IS FUNNY |
| 356 | AND RACHEL KEEPS TOUCHING HIM. |
| 357 | I LOOKED ALL OVER THE BUILDING |
| 358 | AND I COULDN'T FIND THE KITTY ANYWHERE. |
| 359 | I FOUND HIM. IT WAS PAOLO'S CAT. |
| 360 | AH, WELL, THERE YOU GO-- LAST TO KNOW AGAIN. |
| 361 | AND I'M GUESSING SINCE NOBODY TOLD ME |
| 362 | THIS IS PAOLO. |
| 363 | OH, PAOLO. |
| 364 | THIS IS PHOEBE. |
| 365 | HI. |
| 366 | ( speaking Italian ) |
| 367 | YOU BETCHA. |
| 368 | ALL RIGHT, OKAY. |
| 369 | WHAT NEXT? |
| 370 | BLOW A BUBBLE. |
| 371 | A BUBBLE'S GOOD. |
| 372 | IT'S GOT A BOYISH CHARM. |
| 373 | IT'S IMPISH. |
| 374 | HERE WE GO. |
| 375 | NICE GOING, IMP. |
| 376 | OKAY, IT'S OKAY. |
| 377 | ALL I NEED TO DO IS |
| 378 | REACH OVER AND PUT IT BACK |
| 379 | IN MY MOUTH. |
| 380 | GOOD SAVE. |
| 381 | WE'RE BACK ON TRACK, AND I'M... |
| 382 | CHEWING SOMEONE ELSE'S GUM. |
| 383 | GOD! OH, THIS IS NOT MY GUM! |
| 384 | OH, MY GOD! OH, MY GOD! |
| 385 | AND NOW YOU'RE CHOKING. |
| 386 | ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? |
| 387 | OH, MY GOD, YOU'RE CHOKING! |
| 388 | ( groaning ) |
| 389 | BETTER? |
| 390 | YES. |
| 391 | THANK YOU. THAT WAS... |
| 392 | THAT WAS... |
| 393 | PERFECTION? |
| 394 | ( speaking Italian ) |
| 395 | BLAH-BLAH-BLAH- BLAH-BLAH. |
| 396 | BLAH-BLAH-BLAH- BLAH-BLAH-BLAH. |
| 397 | BL-BL-BL-BL-BLAH. |
| 398 | HEY, WHAT DID HE SAY THAT WAS SO FUNNY? |
| 399 | I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA. |
| 400 | THAT'S, THAT'S CLASSIC. |
| 401 | MY GOD, YOU GUYS, WHAT AM I DOING? |
| 402 | THIS IS SO UN-ME. |
| 403 | IF YOU WANT, I'LL DO IT. |
| 404 | I KNOW. |
| 405 | I JUST WANT TO BITE HIS BOTTOM LIP. |
| 406 | BUT I WON'T. |
| 407 | WHEN HE FIRST SMILED |
| 408 | THOSE THREE SECONDS WERE MORE EXCITING |
| 409 | THAN THREE WEEKS IN BERMUDA WITH BARRY. |
| 410 | DID YOU RENT MOPEDS? |
| 411 | 'CAUSE I'VE HEARD... |
| 412 | IT'S NOT ABOUT THAT RIGHT NOW. OKAY. |
| 413 | I KNOW IT'S TOTALLY SUPERFICIAL AND WE HAVE NOTHING IN COMMON |
| 414 | AND WE DON'T EVEN SPEAK THE SAME LANGUAGE |
| 415 | BUT, GOD! |
| 416 | PAOLO, HI. |
| 417 | ROSS. |
| 418 | LISTEN, UH... |
| 419 | LISTEN, UM, SOMETHING YOU SHOULD KNOW. |
| 420 | UH, RACHEL AND I ARE... |
| 421 | WE'RE KIND OF A... |
| 422 | KIND OF A THING. |
| 423 | THING? |
| 424 | THING. YES, THING. |
| 425 | YOU HAVE THE SEX. |
| 426 | NO. |
| 427 | NO, NO, UM... |
| 428 | TECHNICALLY THE, THE SEX IS NOT BEING HAD |
| 429 | BUT THAT'S, UH... |
| 430 | SEE, BUT THAT'S NOT THE POINT. |
| 431 | SEE, UM, THE POINT IS, UH... |
| 432 | WELL, RACHEL AND I SHOULD BE, UH... |
| 433 | WELL, RACHEL AND I SHOULD BE TOGETHER, YOU KNOW? |
| 434 | AND IF YOU GET IN THE, UM... |
| 435 | IN BED. |
| 436 | NO. |
| 437 | ( laughs ) |
| 438 | NO, NOT WHERE I WAS GOING. |
| 439 | UH, IF YOU GET IN THE WAY... |
| 440 | WAY OF US BECOMING A THING |
| 441 | THEN, UH, I WOULD BE, WELL, VERY SAD. |
| 442 | OH, OH. |
| 443 | SO DO YOU, UM... |
| 444 | CEVICHE? |
| 445 | SI, SI. |
| 446 | SI? |
| 447 | SI. |
| 448 | OKAY. |
| 449 | SO YOU, UH... YOU DO KNOW A LITTLE ENGLISH. |
| 450 | POCO. LITTLE. |
| 451 | DO YOU KNOW THE WORD "CRAPWEASEL"? |
| 452 | NO. |
| 453 | NO? THAT'S FUNNY |
| 454 | 'CAUSE YOU ARE A HUGE CRAPWEASEL. |
| 455 | GRAZIE. |
| 456 | CHANDLER, WE'VE BEEN DOING THIS FOR AN HOUR. |
| 457 | NOW WATCH. |
| 458 | OKAY. |
| 459 | READY? |
| 460 | MM-HMM. |
| 461 | OKAY, NOW TRY IT. |
| 462 | NO, WHIP IT. |
| 463 | OH, LOOK, LOOK, LOOK, LOOK. |
| 464 | THE LAST CANDLE'S ABOUT TO BURN OUT. |
| 465 | TEN, NINE |
| 466 | EIGHT, SEVEN... |
| 467 | MINUS 46, MINUS 47 |
| 468 | MINUS 48... |
| 469 | ( blowing ) |
| 470 | Ross: THANK YOU. Monica: THANKS. |
| 471 | Ross: KIND OF SPOOKY WITHOUT ANY LIGHTS. |
| 472 | Joey: MWAAAHH! HA-HA-HA! |
| 473 | Monica: MWAAAHH! HA-HA-HA! |
| 474 | Ross: GUYS, GUYS, I HAVE THE DEFINITIVE ONE. |
| 475 | BWAAAAA! |
| 476 | HA-HA..! |
| 477 | ( groaning ) |
| 478 | UH, ROSS, |
| 479 | THIS PROBABLY ISN'T THE BEST TIME |
| 480 | TO BRING IT UP |
| 481 | BUT YOU HAVE TO THROW A PARTY FOR MONICA. |
| 482 | WELL, THIS HAS BEEN FUN. |
| 483 | YES, AND THANKS FOR LETTING ME USE YOUR PHONE |
| 484 | AND FOR SAVING MY LIFE. |
| 485 | WELL, GOOD-BYE, CHANDLER. |
| 486 | I HAD A GREAT BLACKOUT. |
| 487 | SEE YA. |
| 488 | HI. |
| 489 | I'M ACCOUNT NUMBER 7143457 |
| 490 | AND I DON'T KNOW IF YOU GOT ANY OF THAT |
| 491 | BUT I WOULD REALLY LIKE A COPY OF THE TAPE. |
| 492 | |
| 1 | HEY, GORGEOUS. HOW'S IT GOING? |
| 2 | DEHYDRATED JAPANESE NOODLES UNDER FLUORESCENT LIGHTS. |
| 3 | DOES IT GET BETTER THAN THIS? |
| 4 | YOU'RE NOT DATING ANYBODY, ARE YOU? |
| 5 | I MET SOMEBODY WHO WOULD BE PERFECT FOR YOU. |
| 6 | AH. YOU SEE, "PERFECT" MIGHT BE A PROBLEM. |
| 7 | HAD YOU SAID "CO-DEPENDENT" OR "SELF-DESTRUCTIVE"... |
| 8 | DO YOU WANT A DATE SATURDAY? |
| 9 | YES, PLEASE. |
| 10 | OKAY. HE IS CUTE |
| 11 | HE'S FUNNY, HE'S... |
| 12 | HE'S A HE? |
| 13 | WELL, YEAH. |
| 14 | OH, GOD. |
| 15 | I JUST... I THOUGHT... |
| 16 | YOU'RE NOT. SO. |
| 17 | GOOD, SHELLY. OKAY. |
| 18 | I'M JUST GOING TO GO FLUSH MYSELF DOWN THE TOILET NOW. |
| 19 | OKAY. BYE-BYE. |
| 20 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 21 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 22 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 23 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 24 | ♪ WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY ♪ |
| 25 | ♪ YOUR WEEK, YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 26 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 27 | ♪ WHEN THE RAIN STARTS TO FALL ♪ |
| 28 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 29 | ♪ LIKE I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE ♪ |
| 30 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 31 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME TOO. ♪ |
| 32 | Chandler: I MEAN, IS THAT RIDICULOUS? |
| 33 | CAN YOU BELIEVE SHE ACTUALLY THOUGHT THAT? |
| 34 | UM... |
| 35 | YEAH. |
| 36 | WELL, I MEAN, WHEN I FIRST MET YOU, |
| 37 | YOU KNOW, I THOUGHT MAYBE... POSSIBLY YOU MIGHT BE. |
| 38 | YOU DID? |
| 39 | YEAH. THEN YOU SPENT |
| 40 | PHOEBE'S ENTIRE BIRTHDAY PARTY |
| 41 | TALKING TO MY BREASTS |
| 42 | SO THEN I FIGURED MAYBE NOT. |
| 43 | DID ANY OF THE REST OF YOU GUYS THINK THAT |
| 44 | WHEN YOU FIRST MET ME? |
| 45 | I DID. |
| 46 | YEAH. I THINK SO. |
| 47 | NOT ME. |
| 48 | NO, NO. ME NEITHER. |
| 49 | ALTHOUGH, UH, |
| 50 | YOU KNOW, BACK IN COLLEGE, SUSAN SALIDOR DID. |
| 51 | YOU'RE KIDDING. |
| 52 | DID YOU TELL HER I WASN'T? |
| 53 | NO. |
| 54 | WELL, IT'S JUST 'CAUSE |
| 55 | I KIND OF WANTED TO GO OUT WITH HER TOO |
| 56 | SO I TOLD HER, ACTUALLY YOU WERE SEEING BERNIE SPELLMAN |
| 57 | WHO ALSO LIKED HER, SO... |
| 58 | WELL, THIS IS FASCINATING. |
| 59 | SO, UH, WHAT IS IT ABOUT ME? |
| 60 | I DON'T KNOW. |
| 61 | 'CAUSE YOU'RE SMART, YOU'RE FUNNY... |
| 62 | SO IS ROSS. YOU THINK THAT ABOUT HIM? |
| 63 | YEAH! RIGHT! |
| 64 | WHAT IS IT?! |
| 65 | ( laughing ) |
| 66 | OKAY, I DON'T KNOW. |
| 67 | YOU JUST... HAVE A QUALITY. |
| 68 | YES. EXACTLY. |
| 69 | YEAH. A QUALITY. |
| 70 | "A QUALITY." GOOD. |
| 71 | BECAUSE I WAS WORRIED |
| 72 | YOU WERE GOING TO BE VAGUE ABOUT THIS. |
| 73 | ( phone rings ) |
| 74 | HELLO? |
| 75 | HELLO? |
| 76 | OH. RACHEL. |
| 77 | IT'S PAOLO CALLING FROM ROME. |
| 78 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 79 | HE'S CALLING FROM ROME! |
| 80 | BUON GIORNO, CARO MIO. |
| 81 | SO HE'S CALLING FROM ROME. |
| 82 | I COULD DO THAT. |
| 83 | YOU JUST GOTTA GO TO ROME. |
| 84 | MONICA, YOUR DAD JUST BEEPED IN |
| 85 | BUT CAN YOU MAKE IT QUICK 'CAUSE I'M TALKING TO ROME. |
| 86 | I'M TALKING TO ROME. |
| 87 | HEY, DAD. |
| 88 | WHAT'S UP? |
| 89 | OH, GOD. |
| 90 | ROSS. IT'S NANA. |
| 91 | HEY. |
| 92 | OH, HI. |
| 93 | OH, ROSS. |
| 94 | HEY, DAD. |
| 95 | SO, UH... |
| 96 | HOW'S SHE DOING? |
| 97 | THE DOCTOR SAYS IT'S A MATTER OF HOURS. |
| 98 | HOW ARE YOU, MOM? |
| 99 | ME? I'M FINE. FINE. |
| 100 | I'M GLAD YOU'RE HERE. |
| 101 | WHAT'S WITH YOUR HAIR? |
| 102 | WHAT? |
| 103 | WHAT'S DIFFERENT? |
| 104 | NOTHING. |
| 105 | OH. MAYBE THAT'S IT. |
| 106 | SHE'S UNBELIEVABLE! HER MOTHER IS... |
| 107 | RELAX, RELAX. |
| 108 | OKAY, WE ARE GOING TO BE HERE FOR A WHILE |
| 109 | IT LOOKS LIKE |
| 110 | AND WE STILL HAVE BOYFRIENDS |
| 111 | AND YOUR CAREER TO COVER. |
| 112 | OH, GOD. |
| 113 | ...THE FUZZY LITTLE MINTS |
| 114 | AT THE BOTTOM OF HER PURSE. |
| 115 | OH! YEAH. THEY WERE GROSS. |
| 116 | OH! YOU KNOW WHAT I LOVE? |
| 117 | HER SWEET 'N LOWs-- |
| 118 | HOW SHE WAS ALWAYS STEALING THEM FROM RESTAURANTS. |
| 119 | NOT JUST RESTAURANTS-- |
| 120 | FROM OUR HOUSE. |
| 121 | MRS. GELLER? |
| 122 | Ross: SHE LOOKS SO SMALL. |
| 123 | I KNOW. |
| 124 | AT LEAST SHE'S WITH POP-POP |
| 125 | AND AUNT PHYLLIS NOW. |
| 126 | YES. |
| 127 | GOOD-BYE, NANA. |
| 128 | BYE, NANA. ( groans ) |
| 129 | ( yells ) ( screams ) |
| 130 | ROSS! |
| 131 | WHAT IS GOING ON? |
| 132 | YOU KNOW HOW THE NURSE SAID THAT NANA HAD PASSED? |
| 133 | WELL, SHE'S NOT QUITE. |
| 134 | WHAT? |
| 135 | SHE'S NOT PASSED. |
| 136 | SHE'S PRESENT. |
| 137 | SHE'S BACK. |
| 138 | WHAT'S GOING ON? |
| 139 | SHE MAY HAVE DIED. |
| 140 | SHE MAY HAVE DIED? |
| 141 | WE'RE LOOKING INTO IT. |
| 142 | I'LL GO SEE. |
| 143 | THIS ALMOST NEVER HAPPENS. |
| 144 | NOW SHE'S PASSED. |
| 145 | I JUST HAVE TO KNOW, OKAY? |
| 146 | IS IT MY HAIR? |
| 147 | YES, CHANDLER, THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT IT IS. |
| 148 | IT'S YOUR HAIR. |
| 149 | YEAH. YOU HAVE HOMOSEXUAL HAIR. |
| 150 | HEY. |
| 151 | HEY. |
| 152 | HI. |
| 153 | HI. |
| 154 | SO, UM, DID SHE..? |
| 155 | TWICE. |
| 156 | TWICE? |
| 157 | OH, THAT SUCKS. |
| 158 | ARE YOU GUYS OKAY? |
| 159 | I DON'T KNOW. IT'S WEIRD. |
| 160 | I MEAN, I KNOW SHE'S GONE |
| 161 | BUT I JUST DON'T FEEL, UH... |
| 162 | MAYBE SHE'S NOT REALLY GONE. |
| 163 | NO, NO. SHE'S GONE. |
| 164 | WE CHECKED. |
| 165 | A LOT. |
| 166 | NO, I MEAN, MAYBE NO ONE EVER REALLY GOES. |
| 167 | EVER SINCE MY MOM DIED |
| 168 | EVERY NOW AND THEN I GET THIS FEELING |
| 169 | THAT SHE'S, LIKE, RIGHT HERE, YOU KNOW? |
| 170 | OH! AND DEBBIE |
| 171 | MY BEST FRIEND FROM JUNIOR HIGH |
| 172 | GOT STRUCK BY LIGHTNING ON A MINIATURE GOLF COURSE. |
| 173 | I ALWAYS GET THIS REALLY STRONG "DEBBIE" VIBE |
| 174 | WHENEVER I USE ONE OF THOSE LITTLE YELLOW PENCILS |
| 175 | YOU KNOW? |
| 176 | I MISS HER. |
| 177 | OH. HERE, PHEEBS. |
| 178 | WANT THIS? |
| 179 | OH. THANKS. SURE. |
| 180 | I JUST SHARPENED HER THIS MORNING. |
| 181 | NOW, SEE, I DON'T BELIEVE ANY OF THAT. |
| 182 | I THINK WHEN YOU'RE DEAD, YOU'RE DEAD. |
| 183 | YOU'RE GONE. YOU'RE WORM FOOD. |
| 184 | SO CHANDLER LOOKS GAY, HUH? |
| 185 | YOU KNOW, I DON'T KNOW WHO THIS IS |
| 186 | BUT IT'S NOT DEBBIE. |
| 187 | I THOUGHT IT WAS A CLOSED CASKET. |
| 188 | WELL, THAT DOESN'T MEAN SHE CAN'T LOOK NICE. |
| 189 | OH. |
| 190 | YOU THINK YOU CAN GET IN THERE? |
| 191 | I DON'T SEE WHY NOT. |
| 192 | ( yells ) |
| 193 | HERE'S MY RETAINER! |
| 194 | I WAS JUST THINKING |
| 195 | WHEN MY TIME COMES... |
| 196 | DAD! |
| 197 | LISTEN TO ME! |
| 198 | WHEN MY TIME COMES... |
| 199 | I WANT TO BE BURIED AT SEA. |
| 200 | YOU WHAT? |
| 201 | I WANT TO BE BURIED AT SEA. |
| 202 | IT LOOKS LIKE FUN. |
| 203 | DEFINE "FUN." |
| 204 | COME ON! |
| 205 | YOU'LL MAKE A DAY OF IT. |
| 206 | YOU'LL GET A BOAT, PACK A LUNCH... |
| 207 | AND THEN WE THROW YOUR BODY IN THE WATER. |
| 208 | GEE, THAT DOES SOUND FUN. |
| 209 | EVERYONE THINKS THEY KNOW ME. |
| 210 | EVERYONE SAYS, "JACK GELLER, SO PREDICTABLE." |
| 211 | MAYBE AFTER I'M GONE, THEY'LL SAY, |
| 212 | "BURIED AT SEA. HUH." |
| 213 | THAT'S PROBABLY WHAT THEY'LL SAY. |
| 214 | I'D LIKE THAT. |
| 215 | HEY, GORGEOUS. |
| 216 | HEY. |
| 217 | LOOK, I'M SORRY ABOUT YESTERDAY. I, UH... |
| 218 | DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT. |
| 219 | OTHER PEOPLE HAVE MADE THE SAME MISTAKE, SO... |
| 220 | OH! |
| 221 | OKAY! |
| 222 | PHEW! |
| 223 | SO, UH, WHAT DO YOU THINK IT IS ABOUT ME? |
| 224 | I DON'T KNOW, BUT YOU JUST HAVE A... |
| 225 | A QUALITY. A QUALITY. RIGHT. |
| 226 | IT'S A SHAME |
| 227 | BECAUSE YOU AND LOWELL WOULD HAVE MADE |
| 228 | A GREAT COUPLE. |
| 229 | LOWELL? FINANCIAL SERVICES LOWELL? |
| 230 | THAT'S WHO YOU SAW ME WITH? |
| 231 | WHAT? HE'S CUTE. |
| 232 | WELL, YEAH. |
| 233 | HE'S NO BRIAN IN PAYROLL. |
| 234 | IS BRIAN..? |
| 235 | NO-- I DON'T KNOW. |
| 236 | IF YOU WERE GOING TO SET ME UP |
| 237 | I'D LIKE TO THINK YOU'D SET ME UP WITH SOMEBODY LIKE HIM. |
| 238 | WELL, I THINK BRIAN'S A LITTLE |
| 239 | OUT OF YOUR LEAGUE. |
| 240 | EXCUSE ME. |
| 241 | YOU DON'T THINK I COULD GET A BRIAN? |
| 242 | BECAUSE I COULD GET A BRIAN. |
| 243 | BELIEVE YOU ME. |
| 244 | I'M REALLY NOT. |
| 245 | THIS ONE? |
| 246 | NO. |
| 247 | I HAVE SHOWN YOU EVERY DRESS WE HAVE. |
| 248 | UNLESS YOU WANT YOUR MOTHER TO SPEND ETERNITY |
| 249 | IN A LEMON-YELLOW PANTSUIT, GO WITH THE BURGUNDY. |
| 250 | WHATEVER WE PICK |
| 251 | SHE WOULD HAVE TOLD US IT'S THE WRONG ONE. |
| 252 | WE'LL GO WITH THE BURGUNDY. |
| 253 | A FINE CHOICE. |
| 254 | I'M COMING OUT. |
| 255 | WAIT! WE NEED SHOES. |
| 256 | OKAY. |
| 257 | HOW ABOUT THESE? |
| 258 | THAT'S REALLY A DAY SHOE. |
| 259 | AND WHERE SHE'S GOING, EVERYONE ELSE WILL BE DRESSIER. |
| 260 | COULD WE SEE SOMETHING IN A SLIMMER HEEL? |
| 261 | OKAY. I HAVE NOTHING IN AN EVENING SHOE |
| 262 | IN THE BURGUNDY. |
| 263 | I CAN SHOW YOU SOMETHING IN A SILVER THAT MAY WORK. |
| 264 | NO. IT REALLY SHOULD BE BURGUNDY. |
| 265 | MM. UNLESS WE GO WITH A DIFFERENT DRESS. |
| 266 | YES. |
| 267 | WAIT! |
| 268 | WAIT. I MAY HAVE SOMETHING IN THE BACK. |
| 269 | AH. |
| 270 | MY GOD. |
| 271 | IS EVERYTHING ALL RIGHT, DEAR? |
| 272 | YEAH. YEAH. JUST... |
| 273 | JUST NANA STUFF. |
| 274 | YOU GUYS READY? |
| 275 | MOM ALREADY CALLED |
| 276 | TO REMIND ME NOT TO WEAR MY HAIR UP. |
| 277 | YOU KNOW MY EARS AREN'T MY BEST FEATURE? |
| 278 | SOME DAYS IT'S ALL I CAN THINK ABOUT. |
| 279 | HI. I'M SORRY I'M LATE. |
| 280 | I COULDN'T FIND MY BEARINGS. |
| 281 | OH. YOU MEAN YOUR EARRINGS? |
| 282 | WHAT DID I SAY? |
| 283 | ARE THESE THE SHOES? |
| 284 | YES. PAOLO SENT THEM FROM ITALY. |
| 285 | WHAT? WE, UH... |
| 286 | WE DON'T HAVE SHOES HERE? |
| 287 | MORNING. |
| 288 | WE READY TO GO? |
| 289 | DON'T WE LOOK NICE ALL DRESSED UP? |
| 290 | IT'S STUFF LIKE THAT, ISN'T IT? |
| 291 | IT WAS A REALLY BEAUTIFUL SERVICE. |
| 292 | IT REALLY WAS. |
| 293 | OH... COME HERE, SWEETHEART. |
| 294 | YOU KNOW... |
| 295 | I THINK IT MIGHT BE TIME FOR YOU |
| 296 | TO START USING NIGHT CREAM. |
| 297 | WHAT? |
| 298 | NOTHING-- JUST YOUR OVERCOAT |
| 299 | SOUNDS REMARKABLY LIKE BRENT MUSBURGER. |
| 300 | CHECK IT OUT. GIANTS/COWBOYS. |
| 301 | YOU'RE WATCHING A FOOTBALL GAME |
| 302 | AT A FUNERAL? |
| 303 | NO, IT'S THE PREGAME. |
| 304 | I'M GOING TO WATCH IT AT THE RECEPTION. |
| 305 | YOU ARE A FRIGHTENING, FRIGHTENING MAN. |
| 306 | OH, NO! |
| 307 | MY NEW PAOLO SHOES. |
| 308 | I HOPE THEY'RE NOT RUINED. |
| 309 | GOD, WHAT A GREAT DAY. |
| 310 | WHAT? WEATHER-WISE. |
| 311 | I KNOW. |
| 312 | THE AIR, THE TREES... |
| 313 | EVEN THOUGH NANA'S GONE, THERE'S SOMETHING ALMOST... |
| 314 | I DON'T KNOW... |
| 315 | ALMOST LIFE... |
| 316 | ARE YOU OKAY? |
| 317 | ROSS! |
| 318 | I'M FINE. I'M FINE. |
| 319 | OHH. |
| 320 | I'M JUST... JUST... |
| 321 | HAVING MY WORST FEAR REALIZED. |
| 322 | OKAY, DON'T WORRY. |
| 323 | I'M CHECKING TO SEE IF THE MUSCLE'S IN SPASM. |
| 324 | HUH. |
| 325 | WHAT? WHAT IS IT? |
| 326 | YOU MISSED A BELT LOOP. |
| 327 | OH, N-N-NO. |
| 328 | OKAY, IT'S IN SPASM. |
| 329 | HERE, SWEETIE. |
| 330 | I TOOK THESE WHEN I HAD MY GOLFING ACCIDENT. |
| 331 | OH, GO. |
| 332 | SORRY. |
| 333 | HI, I'M ANDREA. |
| 334 | I'M DOROTHY'S DAUGHTER. |
| 335 | HI, I'M CHANDLER, AND... |
| 336 | I HAVE NO IDEA WHO DOROTHY IS. |
| 337 | Phoebe: HEY, LOOK WHO'S UP. |
| 338 | HEY. |
| 339 | HOW DO YOU FEEL? |
| 340 | I FEEL GREAT. |
| 341 | I FEEL GREAT. |
| 342 | I FLEEL GREAT. |
| 343 | WOW, THOSE PILLS REALLY WORKED, HUH? |
| 344 | NOT THE FIRST TWO, BUT THE SECOND TWO-- WHOO... |
| 345 | I LOVE YOU GUYS. |
| 346 | YOU GUYS ARE THE GREATEST. |
| 347 | I LOVE MY SISTER. |
| 348 | I LOVE PHEEB. |
| 349 | THAT'S SO NICE. |
| 350 | CHANDLER... |
| 351 | HEY. |
| 352 | I LOVE YOU, MAN. |
| 353 | AND LISTEN, MAN. |
| 354 | IF YOU WANT TO BE GAY, BE GAY. |
| 355 | DOESN'T MATTER TO ME. |
| 356 | YOU WERE RIGHT. |
| 357 | RACHEL. |
| 358 | RACHEL... |
| 359 | ( groans ) |
| 360 | I LOVE YOU THE MOST. |
| 361 | WELL, YOU KNOW WHO I LOVE THE MOST? |
| 362 | NO. |
| 363 | YOU. |
| 364 | OHH... |
| 365 | I DON'T GET IT. |
| 366 | WHAT HAVE YOU GOT THERE? |
| 367 | UH... JUST A, UH... HEARING DISABILITY. |
| 368 | WHAT'S THE SCORE? |
| 369 | 17-14, GIANTS. |
| 370 | THREE MINUTES TO GO IN THE THIRD. |
| 371 | BEAUTIFUL. |
| 372 | ( sighs ) |
| 373 | PHEEBS... |
| 374 | COULD YOU MAYBE HAND ME A CRACKER? |
| 375 | YOUR GRANDMOTHER WOULD HAVE HATED THIS. |
| 376 | WELL, SURE... |
| 377 | WHAT WITH IT BEING HER FUNERAL AND ALL. |
| 378 | NO, I'D BE HEARING ABOUT |
| 379 | "WHY DIDN'T I GET THE HONEY-GLAZED HAM?" |
| 380 | OR I DIDN'T SPEND ENOUGH ON FLOWERS. |
| 381 | IF I SPENT MORE, SHE'D BE SAYING |
| 382 | "WHY YOU WASTING YOUR MONEY? |
| 383 | I DON'T NEED FLOWERS. I'M DEAD." |
| 384 | THAT SOUNDS LIKE NANA. |
| 385 | DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO GROW UP |
| 386 | WITH SOMEONE WHO IS CRITICAL OF EVERY SINGLE THING YOU SAY? |
| 387 | I CAN IMAGINE. |
| 388 | I'M TELLING YOU. |
| 389 | IT'S A WONDER YOUR MOTHER TURNED OUT TO BE |
| 390 | THE POSITIVE, LIFE-AFFIRMING PERSON SHE IS. |
| 391 | THAT IS A WONDER. |
| 392 | SO, TELL ME SOMETHING, MOM. |
| 393 | IF YOU HAD TO DO IT ALL OVER AGAIN-- |
| 394 | IF SHE WAS HERE RIGHT NOW-- |
| 395 | WOULD YOU TELL HER? |
| 396 | TELL HER WHAT? |
| 397 | HOW SHE DROVE YOU CRAZY? |
| 398 | PICKING ON EVERY LITTLE DETAIL |
| 399 | LIKE... YOUR HAIR, FOR EXAMPLE. |
| 400 | I'M NOT SURE I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE GETTING AT. |
| 401 | DO YOU THINK THINGS WOULD HAVE BEEN BETTER |
| 402 | IF YOU'D JUST TOLD HER THE TRUTH? |
| 403 | NO. |
| 404 | I THINK SOME THINGS ARE BETTER LEFT UNSAID. |
| 405 | I THINK IT'S NICER WHEN PEOPLE JUST GET ALONG. |
| 406 | HUH. |
| 407 | MORE WINE, DEAR? |
| 408 | OH, I THINK SO. |
| 409 | THOSE EARRINGS LOOK REALLY LOVELY ON YOU. |
| 410 | THANK YOU. |
| 411 | THEY'RE YOURS. |
| 412 | ACTUALLY, THEY WERE NANA'S. |
| 413 | Men: NO! |
| 414 | OH, MY GOD! |
| 415 | NOW I'M DEPRESSED. |
| 416 | EVEN MORE THAN I WAS. |
| 417 | HEY, WHO'S THIS LITTLE NAKED GUY? |
| 418 | UH, THAT LITTLE NAKED GUY WOULD BE ME. |
| 419 | AW, LOOK AT THE LITTLE THING. |
| 420 | YES. |
| 421 | YES, FINE. |
| 422 | THAT IS MY PENIS. |
| 423 | CAN WE BE GROWN-UPS NOW? |
| 424 | WHO ARE THOSE PEOPLE? |
| 425 | GOT ME. |
| 426 | OH, THAT'S NANA RIGHT THERE |
| 427 | IN THE MIDDLE. |
| 428 | LET'S SEE. |
| 429 | "ME AND THE GANG AT JAVA JOE'S." |
| 430 | MONICA, YOU LOOK JUST LIKE HER. |
| 431 | HOW OLD WAS SHE THERE? |
| 432 | LET'S SEE... |
| 433 | 1939. |
| 434 | 24, 25. |
| 435 | HUH. |
| 436 | IT LOOKS LIKE A FUN GANG. |
| 437 | OOH, LOOK, LOOK, LOOK, LOOK, LOOK. |
| 438 | I GOT MONICA NAKED. |
| 439 | Monica: LET ME SEE! |
| 440 | NO, NO. THAT WOULD BE ME AGAIN. |
| 441 | I'M, UH... JUST TRYING SOMETHING. |
| 442 | HEY, LOWELL. |
| 443 | OH, HEY, CHANDLER. |
| 444 | SO, HOW'S IT GOING |
| 445 | DOWN THERE IN FINANCIAL SERVICES? |
| 446 | IT'S LIKE MARDI GRAS |
| 447 | WITHOUT THE PAPIER-MACHE HEADS. |
| 448 | HOW ABOUT YOU? |
| 449 | GOOD, GOOD. |
| 450 | LISTEN, UM... |
| 451 | I DON'T KNOW WHAT SHELLY TOLD YOU |
| 452 | ABOUT ME, BUT, UH... |
| 453 | I'M NOT. |
| 454 | I KNOW. THAT'S WHAT I TOLD HER. |
| 455 | REALLY? |
| 456 | YEAH. |
| 457 | SO, YOU CAN TELL? |
| 458 | PRETTY MUCH. |
| 459 | MOST OF THE TIME. |
| 460 | WE HAVE A KIND OF... RADAR. |
| 461 | SO YOU DON'T THINK I HAVE A... |
| 462 | A QUALITY? |
| 463 | SPEAKING FOR MY PEOPLE... |
| 464 | I'D HAVE TO SAY NO. |
| 465 | BY THE WAY, YOUR FRIEND BRIAN FROM PAYROLL... |
| 466 | HE IS. |
| 467 | HE IS? |
| 468 | AND WAY OUT OF YOUR LEAGUE. |
| 469 | OUT OF MY LEAGUE? |
| 470 | I COULD GET A BRIAN. |
| 471 | IF I WANTED TO GET A BRIAN, I COULD GET A BRIAN. |
| 472 | HEY, BRIAN. |
| 473 | |
| 1 | TERRY, I KNOW THAT I HAVEN'T WORKED HERE VERY LONG |
| 2 | BUT DO YOU THINK IT WOULD BE POSSIBLE |
| 3 | IF I GOT A HUNDRED-DOLLAR ADVANCE ON MY SALARY? |
| 4 | AN ADVANCE? |
| 5 | IT'S SO THAT I CAN SPEND THANKSGIVING WITH MY FAMILY. |
| 6 | SEE, EVERY YEAR WE GO SKIING IN VAIL |
| 7 | AND, NORMALLY, MY FATHER PAYS FOR MY TICKET |
| 8 | BUT I'VE SORT OF STARTED THIS WHOLE INDEPENDENT THING |
| 9 | WHICH IS ACTUALLY WHY I TOOK THIS "JOB." |
| 10 | RACHEL, RACHEL. |
| 11 | SWEETHEART. |
| 12 | YOU'RE A TERRIBLE, TERRIBLE WAITRESS. |
| 13 | REALLY, REALLY AWFUL. |
| 14 | OKAY. I HEAR WHAT YOU'RE SAYING. |
| 15 | I'M WITH YOU. |
| 16 | UM... |
| 17 | BUT I'M TRYING REALLY HARD |
| 18 | AND I THINK I'M DOING BETTER. |
| 19 | I REALLY DO. |
| 20 | DOES ANYBODY NEED COFFEE? |
| 21 | OH, LOOK AT THAT. |
| 22 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 23 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 24 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 25 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 26 | ♪ AND IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY ♪ |
| 27 | ♪ YOUR WEEK, YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 28 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 29 | ♪ WHEN THE RAIN STARTS TO FALL ♪ |
| 30 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 31 | ♪ LIKE I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE ♪ |
| 32 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 33 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME TOO. ♪ |
| 34 | EXCUSE ME, SIR. |
| 35 | YOU COME IN HERE ALL THE TIME. |
| 36 | I WAS JUST WONDERING-- |
| 37 | COULD YOU POSSIBLY GIVE ME AN ADVANCE ON MY TIPS? |
| 38 | HUH? |
| 39 | OKAY. THAT'S FINE. |
| 40 | HEY, I'M SORRY ABOUT THAT SPILL BEFORE. |
| 41 | ONLY $98.50 TO GO. |
| 42 | HEY. |
| 43 | ROSS, DID YOU KNOW THAT MOM AND DAD |
| 44 | ARE GOING TO PUERTO RICO FOR THANKSGIVING? |
| 45 | NO, THEY'RE NOT. |
| 46 | THE BLYMANS INVITED THEM. |
| 47 | YOU'RE WRONG. |
| 48 | I AM NOT WRONG. |
| 49 | YOU'RE WRONG. |
| 50 | NO. I JUST TALKED TO THEM. |
| 51 | I'M CALLING MOM. |
| 52 | HEY, HEY. |
| 53 | HEY. |
| 54 | AND THIS FROM THE CRY-FOR-HELP DEPARTMENT-- |
| 55 | ARE YOU WEARING MAKEUP? |
| 56 | YES, I AM. |
| 57 | AS OF TODAY, I AM OFFICIALLY JOEY TRIBBIANI |
| 58 | ACTOR SLASH MODEL. |
| 59 | THANK YOU. THAT'S SO FUNNY |
| 60 | 'CAUSE I WAS THINKING YOU LOOK MORE LIKE |
| 61 | JOEY TRIBBIANI, MAN SLASH WOMAN. |
| 62 | WHAT WERE YOU MODELING FOR? |
| 63 | YOU KNOW THOSE POSTERS FOR THE CITY FREE CLINIC? |
| 64 | WOW! SO YOU'LL BE ONE OF THOSE |
| 65 | HEALTHY, HEALTHY, HEALTHY GUYS? |
| 66 | YOU KNOW, THE ASTHMA GUY'S REALLY CUTE. |
| 67 | DO YOU KNOW WHICH ONE YOU'LL BE? |
| 68 | NO, BUT I HEAR LYME DISEASE IS OPEN, SO... |
| 69 | GOOD LUCK, MAN. |
| 70 | I HOPE YOU GET IT. |
| 71 | THANKS. |
| 72 | WELL, YOU WERE RIGHT. |
| 73 | HOW CAN THEY DO THIS TO US? |
| 74 | IT'S THANKSGIVING. |
| 75 | OKAY. HOW ABOUT IF I COOK DINNER AT MY PLACE? |
| 76 | I'LL MAKE IT JUST LIKE MOM'S. |
| 77 | WILL YOU MAKE THE MASHED POTATOES |
| 78 | WITH THE LUMPS? |
| 79 | THEY'RE NOT ACTUALLY SUPPOSED TO HAVE... |
| 80 | I'LL WORK ON THE LUMPS. |
| 81 | JOEY, YOU'RE GOING HOME, RIGHT? |
| 82 | YEAH. |
| 83 | AND I ASSUME, CHANDLER, |
| 84 | YOU'RE STILL BOYCOTTING ALL THE PILGRIM HOLIDAYS. |
| 85 | YES. EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM. |
| 86 | PHOEBE, YOU'LL BE WITH YOUR GRANDMA? |
| 87 | YEAH, AND HER BOYFRIEND |
| 88 | BUT WE'RE CELEBRATING THANKSGIVING IN DECEMBER |
| 89 | 'CAUSE HE'S LUNAR. |
| 90 | SO YOU'RE FREE THURSDAY, THEN? |
| 91 | YEAH. |
| 92 | OH! CAN I COME? YES. |
| 93 | RACH, ARE YOU STILL THINKING YOU'LL MAKE IT TO VAIL? |
| 94 | ABSOLUTELY. |
| 95 | SHOOP, SHOOP, SHOOP. |
| 96 | ONLY $102 TO GO. |
| 97 | I THOUGHT IT WAS $98.50. |
| 98 | IT WAS, BUT I BROKE A CUP. |
| 99 | WELL, I'M OFF TO CAROL'S. |
| 100 | OOH! OOH! WHY DON'T WE INVITE HER? |
| 101 | "OOH! OOH!" BECAUSE SHE'S MY EX-WIFE |
| 102 | AND WILL PROBABLY WANT TO BRING HER "OOH! OOH!" |
| 103 | LESBIAN LIFE PARTNER. |
| 104 | ( knocking ) |
| 105 | HI. |
| 106 | HI. IS CAROL HERE? |
| 107 | NO, SHE'S AT A FACULTY MEETING. |
| 108 | OH. |
| 109 | WELL, I JUST CAME BY TO PICK UP MY SKULL. |
| 110 | WELL, NOT MINE, BUT... |
| 111 | COME IN. |
| 112 | THANKS. |
| 113 | CAROL BORROWED IT FOR A CLASS |
| 114 | AND I HAVE TO GET IT BACK TO THE MUSEUM. |
| 115 | WHAT'S IT LOOK LIKE? |
| 116 | KIND OF LIKE A BIG FACE WITHOUT SKIN. |
| 117 | YES, I'M FAMILIAR WITH THE CONCEPT. |
| 118 | WE CAN JUST LOOK FOR IT. |
| 119 | OKAY. |
| 120 | WOW, YOU GUYS... |
| 121 | SURE HAVE A LOT OF BOOKS ABOUT BEING A LESBIAN. |
| 122 | WELL, YOU KNOW, YOU HAVE TO TAKE A COURSE. |
| 123 | OTHERWISE, THEY DON'T LET YOU DO IT. |
| 124 | HEY. |
| 125 | HEY, YERTLE THE TURTLE. |
| 126 | A CLASSIC. |
| 127 | ACTUALLY, I'M READING IT TO THE BABY. |
| 128 | THE BABY THAT HASN'T BEEN BORN YET? |
| 129 | WOULDN'T THAT MEAN YOU'RE... CRAZY? |
| 130 | WHAT, YOU DON'T THINK |
| 131 | THEY CAN HEAR SOUNDS IN THERE? |
| 132 | YOU'RE NOT SERIOUS. |
| 133 | I MEAN, YOU REALLY... YOU REALLY TALK TO IT? |
| 134 | YEAH. ALL THE TIME. |
| 135 | I WANT THE BABY TO KNOW MY VOICE. |
| 136 | DO YOU, UH... |
| 137 | DO YOU TALK ABOUT ME? |
| 138 | YEAH. ALL THE TIME. |
| 139 | REALLY? |
| 140 | BUT, UM... |
| 141 | WE JUST REFER TO YOU AS BOBO THE SPERM GUY. |
| 142 | LOOK, IF SHE'S TALKING TO IT |
| 143 | I JUST THINK I SHOULD GET SOME BELLY TIME TOO. |
| 144 | I MEAN, NOT THAT I BELIEVE ANY OF THIS. |
| 145 | OH, I BELIEVE IT. |
| 146 | I THINK THE BABY CAN TOTALLY HEAR EVERYTHING. |
| 147 | REALLY? |
| 148 | I'LL SHOW YOU. |
| 149 | THIS WILL SEEM WEIRD |
| 150 | BUT YOU PUT YOUR HEAD INSIDE THIS TURKEY |
| 151 | AND THEN WE'LL ALL TALK |
| 152 | AND YOU'LL HEAR EVERYTHING WE SAY. |
| 153 | I'D JUST LIKE TO SAY I'M... |
| 154 | I'M TOTALLY BEHIND THIS EXPERIMENT. |
| 155 | IN FACT, I'D... I'D VERY MUCH LIKE |
| 156 | TO BUTTER YOUR HEAD. |
| 157 | Ross: HI. Monica: HEY, RACH. |
| 158 | DID YOU MAKE YOUR MONEY? |
| 159 | NO, NOT EVEN CLOSE. |
| 160 | FORGET VAIL. |
| 161 | FORGET SEEING MY FAMILY. |
| 162 | FORGET SHOOP, SHOOP, SHOOP. |
| 163 | RACH... HERE'S YOUR MAIL. |
| 164 | THANKS. YOU CAN JUST PUT IT ON THE TABLE. |
| 165 | NO, HERE'S YOUR MAIL. |
| 166 | THANKS. YOU CAN JUST PUT IT ON THE TABLE. |
| 167 | WOULD YOU JUST OPEN IT?! |
| 168 | OH, MY GOD! |
| 169 | OH, YOU GUYS ARE GREAT. |
| 170 | WE ALL CHIPPED IN. |
| 171 | WE DID? |
| 172 | YOU OWE ME 20 BUCKS. |
| 173 | THANK YOU. THANK YOU SO MUCH. |
| 174 | CHANDLER, HERE YOU GO. |
| 175 | GOT YOUR TRADITIONAL HOLIDAY FEAST: TOMATO SOUP |
| 176 | YOUR GRILLED CHEESE FIXINS |
| 177 | AND YOUR FAMILY-SIZED BAG OF FUNYUNS. |
| 178 | THIS IS WHAT YOU'RE HAVING FOR THANKSGIVING? |
| 179 | WHAT'S WITH YOU AND THIS HOLIDAY? |
| 180 | ALL RIGHT. I'M NINE YEARS OLD. |
| 181 | AW, HATE THIS STORY. |
| 182 | WE'VE JUST FINISHED THANKSGIVING DINNER. |
| 183 | I HAVE-- AND I REMEMBER THIS VIVIDLY-- |
| 184 | A MOUTHFUL OF PUMPKIN PIE. |
| 185 | AND THIS IS THE MOMENT MY PARENTS CHOOSE TO TELL ME |
| 186 | THEY'RE GETTING DIVORCED. |
| 187 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 188 | YES. VERY DIFFICULT TO ENJOY THANKSGIVING DINNER |
| 189 | ONCE YOU'VE SEEN IT IN REVERSE. |
| 190 | UH, HI. |
| 191 | WE, UH... |
| 192 | WE USED TO WORK TOGETHER. |
| 193 | WE DID? |
| 194 | YEAH. AT MACY'S. |
| 195 | YOU'RE THE "OBSESSION GIRL"? |
| 196 | YES. |
| 197 | I WAS THE "ARAMIS GUY." |
| 198 | "ARAMIS |
| 199 | "ARAMIS |
| 200 | ARAMIS." |
| 201 | YEAH, RIGHT. |
| 202 | I GOT TO TELL YOU-- |
| 203 | YOU'RE THE BEST IN THE BUSINESS. |
| 204 | GET OUT. I'M SERIOUS. |
| 205 | YOU'RE AMAZING. |
| 206 | YOU KNOW WHEN TO SPRITZ. |
| 207 | YOU KNOW WHEN TO LAY BACK. |
| 208 | REALLY? YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS TO ME. |
| 209 | ( sniffing ): OOH. |
| 210 | YOU SMELL GREAT TONIGHT. |
| 211 | WHAT ARE YOU WEARING? |
| 212 | ( quietly ): NOTHING. |
| 213 | LISTEN, DO YOU WANT TO GO GET A DRINK OR SOMETHING? |
| 214 | YEAH. THAT'D BE... |
| 215 | OH. |
| 216 | WHAT'S WRONG? |
| 217 | I HAVE TO DO SOMETHING. |
| 218 | OH, WHAT? |
| 219 | UM... |
| 220 | LEAVE. |
| 221 | WAIT, WAIT, WAIT! |
| 222 | ( all chuckling ) |
| 223 | ( clears throat ) |
| 224 | SO I GUESS YOU ALL SAW IT. |
| 225 | SAW WHAT? |
| 226 | NO, WE'RE JUST LAUGHING. |
| 227 | YOU KNOW HOW LAUGHTER CAN BE INFECTIOUS. |
| 228 | HEY. |
| 229 | SET ANOTHER PLACE FOR THANKSGIVING. |
| 230 | MY ENTIRE FAMILY THINKS I HAVE V.D. |
| 231 | TONIGHT, ON A VERY SPECIAL BLOSSOM... |
| 232 | MMM, LOOKING GOOD. |
| 233 | CIDER'S MULLING, TURKEY'S TURKING, YAMS ARE YAMMING. |
| 234 | WHAT? |
| 235 | IT'S JUST NOT THE SAME WITHOUT MOM IN THE KITCHEN. |
| 236 | GET OUT OF MY WAY AND STOP ANNOYING ME. |
| 237 | THAT'S CLOSER. |
| 238 | I GOT THE TICKETS. |
| 239 | FIVE HOURS FROM NOW... |
| 240 | SHOOP, SHOOP, SHOOP. |
| 241 | YOU MUST STOP SHOOPING. |
| 242 | I'M GOING TO GET MY STUFF. |
| 243 | CHANDLER, WILL YOU COME IN ALREADY? |
| 244 | I PREFER TO KEEP A SAFE DISTANCE FROM ALL THIS MERRIMENT. |
| 245 | LOOK OUT. |
| 246 | INCOMING PUMPKIN PIE. |
| 247 | ( imitating airplane engine ) |
| 248 | OKAY, WE ALL LAUGHED WHEN YOU DID IT WITH THE STUFFING |
| 249 | BUT THAT'S NOT FUNNY ANYMORE. |
| 250 | MONICA, I GOT A QUESTION. |
| 251 | I DON'T SEE ANY TATER TOTS. |
| 252 | THAT'S NOT A QUESTION. |
| 253 | MY MOM ALWAYS MAKES THEM. |
| 254 | IT'S A TRADITION. |
| 255 | YOU GET A LITTLE TURKEY ON YOUR FORK |
| 256 | A LITTLE CRANBERRY SAUCE AND A TOT. |
| 257 | IT'S BAD ENOUGH |
| 258 | I CAN'T BE WITH MY FAMILY |
| 259 | BECAUSE OF MY DISEASE. |
| 260 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 261 | TONIGHT'S POTATOES WILL BE BOTH MASHED WITH LUMPS |
| 262 | AND IN THE FORM OF TOTS. |
| 263 | I'M OFF TO TALK TO MY UNBORN CHILD. |
| 264 | AH! |
| 265 | MOM NEVER HIT. |
| 266 | OKAY, ALL DONE. |
| 267 | PHOEBE, DID YOU WHIP THE POT... |
| 268 | ROSS NEEDS LUMPS. |
| 269 | OH, I'M SORRY. |
| 270 | I THOUGHT WE COULD HAVE THEM WHIPPED |
| 271 | AND THEN ADD SOME PEAS AND ONIONS. |
| 272 | WHY WOULD WE DO THAT? |
| 273 | 'CAUSE THEN THEY'D BE THE WAY MY MOM USED TO MAKE IT |
| 274 | BEFORE SHE DIED. |
| 275 | OKAY, THREE KINDS OF POTATOES COMING UP. |
| 276 | OKAY, GOOD-BYE, YOU GUYS. |
| 277 | THANKS FOR EVERYTHING. |
| 278 | OH, LOOK. |
| 279 | OH, SORRY. |
| 280 | THE MOST UNBELIEVABLE THING HAS HAPPENED. |
| 281 | UNDERDOG HAS GOTTEN AWAY. |
| 282 | THE BALLOON? |
| 283 | NO, THE ACTUAL CARTOON CHARACTER. |
| 284 | OF COURSE THE BALLOON. |
| 285 | IT'S ALL OVER THE NEWS. |
| 286 | HE BROKE FREE AND WAS SPOTTED OVER WASHINGTON SQUARE PARK. |
| 287 | I'M GOING TO THE ROOF. |
| 288 | I CAN'T. I GOT TO GO. |
| 289 | AN 80-FOOT INFLATABLE DOG LOOSE OVER THE CITY? |
| 290 | HOW OFTEN DOES THAT HAPPEN? |
| 291 | ALMOST NEVER. |
| 292 | GOT THE KEYS? |
| 293 | OKAY. |
| 294 | ANYTIME YOU'RE READY. |
| 295 | OKAY. |
| 296 | OKAY, HERE WE GO. |
| 297 | OKAY, WHERE AM I TALKING TO HERE? |
| 298 | I MEAN, THERE IS ONE WAY THAT SEEMS TO OFFER |
| 299 | A CERTAIN ACOUSTICAL ADVANTAGE, BUT... |
| 300 | JUST AIM FOR THE BUMP. |
| 301 | OKAY. |
| 302 | OKAY. |
| 303 | OKAY, HERE GOES. |
| 304 | YOU KNOW, I CAN'T DO THIS. |
| 305 | THIS IS... |
| 306 | IT'S TOO WEIRD. |
| 307 | I FEEL STUPID. |
| 308 | SO DON'T DO IT. |
| 309 | YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO IT JUST BECAUSE SUSAN DOES IT. |
| 310 | HELLO, BABY. |
| 311 | I LOVED THE GIANT DOG SHADOW OVER THE PARK. |
| 312 | DID THEY HAVE TO SHOOT HIM DOWN? |
| 313 | THAT WAS JUST MEAN. |
| 314 | RIGHT ABOUT NOW, THE TURKEY SHOULD BE CRISPY ON THE OUTSIDE |
| 315 | JUICY ON THE INSIDE. |
| 316 | WHY ARE WE STANDING HERE? |
| 317 | WE'RE WAITING FOR YOU TO OPEN THE DOOR. |
| 318 | YOU'VE GOT THE KEYS. |
| 319 | NO, I DON'T. |
| 320 | YES, YOU DO. |
| 321 | WHEN WE LEFT, YOU SAID, "GOT THE KEYS." |
| 322 | NO, I ASKED, "GOT THE KE-EYS?" |
| 323 | NO, NO, NO, YOU SAID, "GOT THE KE-EYS." |
| 324 | EITHER OF YOU HAVE THE KE-EYS? |
| 325 | THE OVEN IS ON. |
| 326 | I'VE GOT TO GET MY TICKET. |
| 327 | WE HAVE A COPY OF YOUR KEY. |
| 328 | GET IT! |
| 329 | THAT TONE WON'T MAKE ME GO ANY FASTER. |
| 330 | JOEY... |
| 331 | THAT ONE WILL. |
| 332 | AND EVERYONE'S TELLING ME, "YOU'VE GOT TO PICK A MAJOR." |
| 333 | "YOU'VE GOT TO PICK A MAJOR." |
| 334 | SO, ON A DARE, I PICKED PALEONTOLOGY. |
| 335 | AND YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I'M SAYING |
| 336 | BECAUSE LET'S FACE IT, YOU'RE A FETUS. |
| 337 | YOU'RE JUST HAPPY YOU DON'T HAVE GILLS ANYMORE. |
| 338 | LOOK, YOU DON'T HAVE TO TALK TO IT. |
| 339 | YOU CAN SING TO IT. |
| 340 | I AM NOT SINGING TO YOUR STOMACH. |
| 341 | HOW'S IT GOING? |
| 342 | ♪ HERE WE COME ♪ |
| 343 | ♪ WALKIN' DOWN THE STREET ♪ |
| 344 | ♪ GET THE FUNNIEST LOOKS FROM EVERYONE WE MEET ♪ |
| 345 | ♪ HEY, HEY... ♪ |
| 346 | HEY, UH, DID YOU JUST FEEL THAT? |
| 347 | I DID. |
| 348 | DOES IT ALWAYS..? THAT WAS THE FIRST. |
| 349 | KEEP SINGING. |
| 350 | ♪ HEY, HEY, YOU'RE MY BABY ♪ |
| 351 | ♪ AND I CAN'T WAIT TO MEET YOU ♪ |
| 352 | ♪ WHEN YOU COME OUT I'LL BUY YOU A BAGEL ♪ |
| 353 | ♪ AND THEN WE'LL GO TO THE ZOO ♪ |
| 354 | I FELT IT. |
| 355 | ♪ HEY, HEY, I'M YOUR DADDY ♪ |
| 356 | ♪ I'M THE ONE WITHOUT ANY BREASTS ♪ |
| 357 | CAN YOU GO ANY FASTER WITH THAT? |
| 358 | I GOT ONE KEY HOLE AND A ZILLION KEYS. |
| 359 | YOU DO THE MATH. |
| 360 | WHY DO YOU GUYS HAVE SO MANY KEYS IN THERE ANYWAY? |
| 361 | FOR AN EMERGENCY JUST LIKE THIS. |
| 362 | ALL RIGHT, LISTEN, SMIRKY, IF IT WASN'T FOR YOU |
| 363 | AND YOUR STUPID BALLOON, I WOULD BE ON A PLANE |
| 364 | WATCHING A WOMAN DO THIS RIGHT NOW |
| 365 | BUT I'M NOT. |
| 366 | I SWEAR YOU SAID YOU HAD THE KEYS. |
| 367 | I WOULDN'T SAY THAT UNLESS I HAD THE KEYS. |
| 368 | AND I DID NOT HAVE THE KEYS! |
| 369 | ENOUGH WITH THE KEYS. NO ONE SAY "KEYS." |
| 370 | WHY WOULD I HAVE THE KEYS? |
| 371 | ASIDE FROM YOUR SAYING YOU HAD THEM? |
| 372 | BUT I DIDN'T. |
| 373 | YOU SHOULD HAVE. |
| 374 | WHY? BECAUSE. |
| 375 | BECAUSE EVERYTHING IS MY RESPONSIBILITY? |
| 376 | ISN'T IT ENOUGH THAT I'M MAKING |
| 377 | THANKSGIVING DINNER FOR EVERYONE? |
| 378 | EVERYONE WANTS A DIFFERENT KIND OF POTATO. |
| 379 | SO I'M MAKING DIFFERENT KINDS OF POTATOES. |
| 380 | DOES ANYBODY CARE WHAT KIND OF POTATOES I WANT? |
| 381 | NO! NO! NO! |
| 382 | JUST AS LONG AS PHOEBE |
| 383 | GETS HER PEAS AND ONIONS |
| 384 | AND MARIO GETS HIS TOTS. |
| 385 | IT'S MY FIRST THANKSGIVING |
| 386 | AND IT'S ALL BURNED AND... |
| 387 | ( high pitched ): AND I... |
| 388 | OKAY, MONICA, ONLY DOGS CAN HEAR YOU NOW. |
| 389 | THE DOOR'S OPEN. |
| 390 | OH, GOD. |
| 391 | WELL, THE TURKEY'S BURNT. |
| 392 | POTATOES ARE RUINED. POTATOES ARE RUINED. POTATOES ARE RUINED. |
| 393 | ♪ HERE WE COME ♪ |
| 394 | ♪ WALKIN' DOWN THE... ♪ |
| 395 | THIS DOESN'T SMELL LIKE MOM'S. |
| 396 | NO, IT DOESN'T, DOES IT? |
| 397 | BUT YOU WANTED LUMPS, ROSS? |
| 398 | HERE YOU GO, BUDDY. YOU GOT ONE. |
| 399 | GOD, THIS IS GREAT. |
| 400 | THE PLANE IS GONE |
| 401 | I GUESS I'M STUCK HERE WITH YOU GUYS. |
| 402 | WE ALL HAD BETTER PLANS. |
| 403 | THIS WAS NOBODY'S FIRST CHOICE. |
| 404 | OH, REALLY? |
| 405 | SO WHY WAS I BUSTING MY ASS TO MAKE THIS DELICIOUS DINNER? |
| 406 | YOU CALL THAT DELICIOUS? |
| 407 | ( all shouting ) |
| 408 | STOP IT! STOP IT! |
| 409 | NOW, THIS FEELS LIKE THANKSGIVING. |
| 410 | EW! |
| 411 | WHAT? |
| 412 | UGLY NAKED GUY'S TAKING HIS TURKEY |
| 413 | OUT OF THE OVEN. |
| 414 | ( all groan ) |
| 415 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 416 | HE'S NOT ALONE. |
| 417 | UGLY NAKED GUY |
| 418 | IS HAVING THANKSGIVING DINNER |
| 419 | WITH UGLY NAKED GAL. |
| 420 | I'VE GOT TO SEE THIS. |
| 421 | ( all gasping ) |
| 422 | ALL RIGHT, UGLY NAKED GUY! |
| 423 | UGLY NAKED DANCING. |
| 424 | IT'S NICE THAT HE HAS SOMEONE. |
| 425 | SHALL I CARVE? |
| 426 | BY ALL MEANS. |
| 427 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 428 | OKAY. WHO WANTS LIGHT CHEESE? |
| 429 | AND WHO WANTS DARK CHEESE? |
| 430 | I DON'T EVEN WANT TO KNOW |
| 431 | ABOUT THE DARK CHEESE. |
| 432 | ANYBODY WANT TO SPLIT THIS? |
| 433 | OH. I WILL. |
| 434 | MAKE A WISH. |
| 435 | MAKE A WISH? |
| 436 | COME ON. YOU KNOW-- THANKSGIVING. |
| 437 | OOH! YOU GOT THE BIGGER HALF. |
| 438 | WHAT'D YOU WISH? |
| 439 | FOR THE BIGGER HALF. |
| 440 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 441 | I'D LIKE TO PROPOSE A TOAST. |
| 442 | LITTLE TOAST HERE. |
| 443 | I KNOW THIS ISN'T EXACTLY |
| 444 | THE THANKSGIVING THAT ALL OF YOU PLANNED. |
| 445 | BUT FOR ME, THIS HAS BEEN REALLY GREAT. YOU KNOW? |
| 446 | I THINK BECAUSE IT DIDN'T INVOLVE DIVORCE |
| 447 | OR PROJECTILE VOMITING. |
| 448 | ANYWAY, I WAS JUST THINKING, IF YOU HAD GONE TO VAIL |
| 449 | OR IF YOU GUYS HAD BEEN WITH YOUR FAMILY |
| 450 | OR IF YOU DIDN'T HAVE SYPHILIS AND STUFF |
| 451 | WE WOULDN'T BE ALL TOGETHER, YOU KNOW? |
| 452 | SO I GUESS WHAT I'M TRYING TO SAY IS |
| 453 | THAT, UH, I'M VERY THANKFUL |
| 454 | THAT ALL OF YOUR THANKSGIVINGS SUCKED. |
| 455 | All: THAT'S SO SWEET. THANK YOU. |
| 456 | AND HEY... |
| 457 | HERE'S TO A LOUSY CHRISTMAS. |
| 458 | AND A CRAPPY NEW YEAR. |
| 459 | HERE. HERE. |
| 460 | |
| 1 | GUYS, THERE'S SOMEBODY I'D LIKE YOU TO MEET. |
| 2 | WAIT. |
| 3 | WHAT IS THAT? |
| 4 | MARCEL. WANT TO SAY HI? |
| 5 | NO, I DON'T. |
| 6 | OH, HE IS PRECIOUS. |
| 7 | WHERE DID YOU GET HIM? |
| 8 | MY FRIEND, BETHEL, RESCUED HIM FROM SOME LAB. |
| 9 | THAT IS SO CRUEL. |
| 10 | WHY WOULD A PARENT NAME THEIR CHILD BETHEL? |
| 11 | HEY, THAT MONKEY'S GOT A ROSS ON HIS ASS. |
| 12 | ROSS, IS HE GOING TO LIVE WITH YOU? |
| 13 | IN YOUR APARTMENT? |
| 14 | YEAH. IT'S BEEN KIND OF QUIET SINCE CAROL LEFT, SO... |
| 15 | WHY DON'T YOU GET A ROOMMATE? |
| 16 | I THINK YOU REACH A CERTAIN AGE |
| 17 | HAVING A ROOMMATE IS JUST KIND OF PATHE... |
| 18 | UH... I'M SORRY. |
| 19 | THAT'S "PATHET." |
| 20 | SANSKRIT FOR "REALLY COOL WAY TO LIVE." |
| 21 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 22 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 23 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 24 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 25 | ♪ AND IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY ♪ |
| 26 | ♪ YOUR WEEK, YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 27 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 28 | ♪ WHEN THE RAIN STARTS TO FALL ♪ |
| 29 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 30 | ♪ LIKE I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE ♪ |
| 31 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 32 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME TOO. ♪ |
| 33 | I'M DOING ALL NEW MATERIAL TONIGHT. |
| 34 | I HAVE 12 NEW SONGS ABOUT MY MOTHER'S SUICIDE |
| 35 | AND ONE ABOUT A SNOWMAN. |
| 36 | MIGHT WANT TO OPEN WITH THE SNOWMAN. |
| 37 | HI, JOEY. |
| 38 | HEY. |
| 39 | HI, BUDDY. |
| 40 | SO, HOW'D IT GO? |
| 41 | I DIDN'T GET THE JOB. |
| 42 | ( sympathetic groaning ) |
| 43 | HOW COULD YOU NOT GET IT? |
| 44 | YOU WERE SANTA LAST YEAR. |
| 45 | I DON'T KNOW. |
| 46 | SOME FAT GUY'S SLEEPING WITH THE STORE MANAGER. |
| 47 | HE'S NOT EVEN JOLLY. |
| 48 | IT'S ALL POLITICAL. |
| 49 | SO, WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO BE? |
| 50 | I'M GOING TO BE ONE OF HIS HELPERS |
| 51 | BUT IT'S JUST SUCH A SLAP IN THE FACE, YOU KNOW? |
| 52 | DO YOU GUYS KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING |
| 53 | FOR NEW YEAR'S? |
| 54 | ( all groaning ) |
| 55 | WHAT IS WRONG WITH NEW YEAR'S? |
| 56 | NOTHING FOR YOU. |
| 57 | YOU HAVE PAOLO. |
| 58 | YOU DON'T HAVE THE PRESSURES-- |
| 59 | THE DESPERATE SCRAMBLE TO FIND ANYTHING WITH LIPS |
| 60 | SO YOU HAVE SOMEBODY TO KISS WHEN THE BALL DROPS! |
| 61 | MAN, I'M TALKING LOUD. |
| 62 | PAOLO IS GOING TO BE IN ROME THIS NEW YEAR'S |
| 63 | SO I'LL BE JUST AS PATHETIC AS THE REST OF YOU. |
| 64 | YEAH. YOU WISH. |
| 65 | IT'S JUST THAT I AM SICK OF BEING A VICTIM |
| 66 | TO THIS DICK CLARK HOLIDAY. |
| 67 | I SAY THIS YEAR, NO DATES. |
| 68 | WE MAKE A PACT-- JUST THE SIX OF US. DINNER. |
| 69 | SURE. FINE. OKAY. |
| 70 | I WAS HOPING FOR A LITTLE ENTHUSIASM. |
| 71 | WHOO! YAY! |
| 72 | SOUNDS GREAT. |
| 73 | PHOEBE, YOU'RE ON. |
| 74 | OKAY, HI. |
| 75 | LADIES AND GENTLEMEN |
| 76 | BACK BY POPULAR DEMAND |
| 77 | MISS PHOEBE BUFFAY. |
| 78 | ( applause ) |
| 79 | HI. |
| 80 | THANKS. HI. |
| 81 | UM... I WANT TO START WITH A SONG |
| 82 | THAT MEANS A LOT TO ME THIS TIME OF YEAR. |
| 83 | ♪ I MADE A MAN WITH EYES OF COAL ♪ |
| 84 | ♪ AND A SMILE SO BEWITCHING ♪ |
| 85 | ♪ HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW ♪ |
| 86 | ♪ THAT MY MOM WAS DEAD IN THE KITCHEN? ♪ |
| 87 | ♪ LA, LA-LA, LA, LA-LA... ♪ |
| 88 | ♪ ...MY MOTHER'S ASHES ♪ |
| 89 | ♪ EVEN HER EYELASHES ♪ |
| 90 | ♪ ARE RESTING IN A LITTLE YELLOW JAR ♪ |
| 91 | ♪ AND SOMETIMES WHEN IT'S BREEZY ♪ |
| 92 | ♪ OR IF I'M FEELING SNEEZY ♪ |
| 93 | ♪ AND... ♪ |
| 94 | EXCUSE ME. EXCUSE ME. |
| 95 | NOISY BOYS. |
| 96 | IS IT SOMETHING THAT YOU WOULD LIKE TO SHARE |
| 97 | WITH THE ENTIRE GROUP? |
| 98 | NO. NO, THAT'S OKAY. |
| 99 | WELL, COME ON. |
| 100 | IF IT'S IMPORTANT ENOUGH TO DISCUSS WHILE I'M PLAYING |
| 101 | THEN I ASSUME IT'S IMPORTANT ENOUGH |
| 102 | FOR EVERYONE ELSE TO HEAR. |
| 103 | THAT GUY'S GOING HOME WITH A NOTE. |
| 104 | AHEM. AHEM. |
| 105 | I WAS... I WAS JUST SAYING... |
| 106 | COULD YOU SPEAK UP? |
| 107 | SORRY. I WAS... |
| 108 | I WAS SAYING THAT I THOUGHT |
| 109 | YOU WERE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN |
| 110 | THAT I'D EVER SEEN |
| 111 | IN MY LIFE |
| 112 | AND THEN HE SAID... |
| 113 | YOU SAID YOU THOUGHT |
| 114 | DARYL HANNAH WAS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN |
| 115 | THAT HE'D EVER SEEN IN HIS LIFE |
| 116 | AND I SAID, "YEAH, I LIKED HER IN SPLASH A LOT |
| 117 | BUT NOT SO MUCH IN WALL STREET." |
| 118 | I THOUGHT SHE HAD... |
| 119 | A HARD QUALITY. |
| 120 | AND, UH... WHILE DARYL HANNAH |
| 121 | IS BEAUTIFUL IN A CONVENTIONAL WAY |
| 122 | YOU ARE LUMINOUS WITH A KIND OF A DELICATE GRACE. |
| 123 | THEN THAT'S WHEN YOU STARTED YELLING. |
| 124 | OKAY. WE'RE GOING TO TAKE A SHORT BREAK. |
| 125 | THAT GUY'S GOING HOME WITH MORE THAN A NOTE. |
| 126 | PHEEBS, I CAN'T BELIEVE HE HASN'T KISSED YOU YET. |
| 127 | I MEAN, GOD, BY MY SIXTH DATE WITH PAOLO |
| 128 | HE'D ALREADY NAMED BOTH MY BREASTS. |
| 129 | WHOA, DID I JUST SHARE TOO MUCH? |
| 130 | JUST A SMIDGE. |
| 131 | DAVID'S, LIKE, YOU KNOW, A SCIENTIST GUY. |
| 132 | HE'S VERY METHODICAL. |
| 133 | IT'S ROMANTIC. |
| 134 | DID YOU EVER SEE AN OFFICER AND A GENTLEMAN? |
| 135 | YEAH. |
| 136 | WELL, HE'S KIND OF LIKE |
| 137 | THE GUY I WENT TO SEE THAT WITH. |
| 138 | EXCEPT... |
| 139 | EXCEPT HE'S SMARTER AND GENTLER AND SWEETER. |
| 140 | I JUST... I JUST WANT |
| 141 | TO BE WITH HIM ALL THE TIME. |
| 142 | YOU KNOW, DAY AND NIGHT... |
| 143 | AND NIGHT AND DAY |
| 144 | AND SPECIAL OCCASIONS. |
| 145 | I SEE WHERE THIS IS GOING. |
| 146 | YOU'RE GOING TO ASK HIM TO NEW YEAR'S. |
| 147 | YOU'RE GOING TO BREAK THE PACT. |
| 148 | SHE'S GOING TO BREAK THE PACT. |
| 149 | NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. |
| 150 | NO. |
| 151 | YEAH, COULD I JUST..? |
| 152 | YEAH, 'CAUSE I ALREADY ASKED JANICE. |
| 153 | COME ON. THIS WAS A PACT. |
| 154 | THIS WAS YOUR PACT. |
| 155 | I SNAPPED, OKAY? |
| 156 | I COULDN'T HANDLE THE PRESSURE. |
| 157 | BUT THAT WAS, LIKE, THE WORST BREAKUP IN HISTORY. |
| 158 | I'M NOT SAYING IT WAS A GOOD IDEA. |
| 159 | I'M SAYING I SNAPPED. |
| 160 | HI. SORRY I'M LATE. |
| 161 | TOO MANY JOKES. |
| 162 | MUST MOCK JOEY. |
| 163 | NICE SHOES, HUH? |
| 164 | AH! YOU'RE KILLING ME! |
| 165 | OH, ROSS. |
| 166 | HE'S PLAYING WITH MY SPATULAS AGAIN. |
| 167 | LOOK, HE'S NOT GOING TO HURT THEM, RIGHT? |
| 168 | DO YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO BRING HIM HERE? |
| 169 | LOOK, I DIDN'T WANT TO LEAVE HIM ALONE, ALL RIGHT? |
| 170 | WE HAD OUR FIRST FIGHT THIS MORNING. |
| 171 | I THINK IT HAS TO DO WITH MY WORKING LATE. |
| 172 | I SAID SOME THINGS THAT I DIDN'T MEAN AND... |
| 173 | HE THREW SOME FECES. |
| 174 | IF YOU'RE GOING TO WORK LATE |
| 175 | I CAN LOOK IN ON HIM FOR YOU. |
| 176 | OH, THAT WOULD BE GREAT. |
| 177 | OKAY, BUT IF YOU DO, MAKE SURE IT SEEMS |
| 178 | LIKE YOU'RE THERE TO SEE HIM, OKAY? |
| 179 | AND YOU'RE NOT, LIKE, DOING IT AS A FAVOR TO ME. |
| 180 | OKAY, BUT IF HE ASKS, I'M NOT GOING TO LIE. |
| 181 | BUT YOU CAN'T ACTUALLY TEST THIS THEORY |
| 182 | BECAUSE TODAY'S PARTICLE ACCELERATORS |
| 183 | ARE NOWHERE NEAR POWERFUL ENOUGH TO SIMULATE THESE CONDITIONS. |
| 184 | OKAY. ALL RIGHT. |
| 185 | I HAVE A QUESTION THEN. |
| 186 | WERE YOU PLANNING ON KISSING ME EVER? |
| 187 | UH... THAT'S DEFINITELY A VALID QUESTION |
| 188 | AND, UH... THE ANSWER WOULD BE... |
| 189 | YES. |
| 190 | YES, I WAS. |
| 191 | BUT, SEE, I WANTED IT TO BE THIS PHENOMENAL KISS |
| 192 | THAT HAPPENED AT THIS PHENOMENAL MOMENT |
| 193 | BECAUSE, WELL, BECAUSE IT'S YOU. |
| 194 | SURE. YEAH. |
| 195 | RIGHT, BUT, YOU SEE, THE LONGER I WAITED |
| 196 | THE MORE PHENOMENAL THE KISS HAD TO BE |
| 197 | AND NOW WE'VE REACHED A PLACE WHERE IT'S |
| 198 | GOT TO BE ONE OF THOSE THINGS |
| 199 | WHERE I, LIKE, SWEEP EVERYTHING OFF THE TABLE |
| 200 | AND I'M NOT REALLY A, UH... |
| 201 | SWEEPING SORT OF FELLOW. |
| 202 | DAVID, I THINK YOU ARE A SWEEPING SORT OF FELLOW. |
| 203 | I MEAN... |
| 204 | YOU'RE A SWEEPER |
| 205 | TRAPPED INSIDE A PHYSICIST'S BODY. |
| 206 | REALLY? |
| 207 | OH, YEAH. OH, I'M SURE OF IT. |
| 208 | YOU SHOULD JUST DO IT. |
| 209 | JUST SWEEP AND THROW ME. |
| 210 | NOW, NOW? |
| 211 | OH, YEAH, RIGHT NOW. |
| 212 | OKAY, OKAY. |
| 213 | YOU KNOW WHAT, THIS IS JUST REALLY EXPENSIVE. |
| 214 | AND THIS WAS A GIFT. |
| 215 | YOU'RE KIND OF TIDYING UP. |
| 216 | OKAY. WHAT THE HELL? WHAT THE HELL? |
| 217 | DO YOU WANT ME TO ACTUALLY THROW YOU |
| 218 | OR YOU WANT TO JUST HOP UP? |
| 219 | TELL ME SOMETHING. |
| 220 | WHAT DOES THE PHRASE "NO-DATE PACT" MEAN TO YOU? |
| 221 | I'M SORRY, OKAY? |
| 222 | IT'S JUST THAT CHANDLER HAS SOMEBODY |
| 223 | AND PHOEBE HAS SOMEBODY. |
| 224 | I THOUGHT I'D ASK FUN BOBBY. |
| 225 | FUN BOBBY-- |
| 226 | YOUR EX-BOYFRIEND FUN BOBBY? |
| 227 | YOU KNOW MORE THAN ONE FUN BOBBY? |
| 228 | I HAPPEN TO KNOW A FUN BOB. |
| 229 | OKAY. HERE WE GO. |
| 230 | OH, OH, OH, THERE'S NO ROOM FOR MILK. |
| 231 | THERE. |
| 232 | OKAY, SO ON OUR NO-DATE EVENING |
| 233 | THREE OF YOU NOW ARE GOING TO HAVE DATES. |
| 234 | UH... FOUR. |
| 235 | FIVE. FIVE. |
| 236 | SORRY. PAOLO'S CATCHING AN EARLIER FLIGHT. |
| 237 | YEAH, AND I MET |
| 238 | THIS REALLY HOT SINGLE MOM AT THE STORE. |
| 239 | WHAT'S AN ELF TO DO? |
| 240 | OKAY, SO I'M GOING TO BE THE ONLY ONE |
| 241 | STANDING THERE ALONE WHEN THE BALL DROPS? |
| 242 | WE'LL HAVE A BIG PARTY |
| 243 | AND NO ONE WILL KNOW WHO'S WITH WHO. |
| 244 | THIS IS SO NOT WHAT I NEEDED RIGHT NOW. |
| 245 | WHAT'S THE MATTER? |
| 246 | OH, IT'S MARCEL. |
| 247 | HE KEEPS SHUTTING ME OUT, YOU KNOW? |
| 248 | HE'S WALKING AROUND ALL THE TIME |
| 249 | DRAGGING HIS HANDS. |
| 250 | I HAD SUCH A BLAST WITH HIM THE OTHER NIGHT. |
| 251 | REALLY? |
| 252 | YEAH. WE PLAYED. |
| 253 | THAT JUGGLING THING IS AMAZING. |
| 254 | WHAT, UH... WHAT JUGGLING THING? |
| 255 | WITH THE BALLED-UP SOCKS. |
| 256 | I FIGURED YOU TAUGHT HIM THAT. |
| 257 | NO. |
| 258 | YOU KNOW, IT WASN'T THAT BIG A DEAL. |
| 259 | IT WAS JUST BALLED-UP SOCKS... |
| 260 | AND A MELON. |
| 261 | PHOEBE, HI. |
| 262 | HI, MAX. |
| 263 | DO YOU KNOW EVERYBODY? |
| 264 | NO. HAVE YOU SEEN DAVID? |
| 265 | NO. NO. |
| 266 | WELL, IF YOU SEE HIM, TELL HIM TO PACK HIS BAGS. |
| 267 | WE ARE GOING TO MINSK. |
| 268 | MINSK? |
| 269 | MINSK. IT'S IN RUSSIA. |
| 270 | I KNOW WHERE MINSK IS. |
| 271 | WE GOT THE GRANT. |
| 272 | THREE YEARS. |
| 273 | ALL EXPENSES PAID. |
| 274 | SO WHEN, WHEN DO YOU LEAVE? |
| 275 | JANUARY FIRST. |
| 276 | ( knocking ) |
| 277 | HELLO? |
| 278 | WHAT... HEY! |
| 279 | HI. |
| 280 | HI. WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? |
| 281 | WELL, MAX TOLD ME ABOUT MINSK |
| 282 | SO, YOU KNOW, CONGRATULATIONS! |
| 283 | THIS IS SO EXCITING. |
| 284 | IT WOULD BE EVEN MORE EXCITING IF WE WERE GOING. |
| 285 | YOU'RE NOT GOING? |
| 286 | OH... WHY? |
| 287 | TELL HER, DAVID. |
| 288 | "I DON'T WANT TO GO TO MINSK |
| 289 | "TO WORK WITH LIFSON AND YAMAGUCHI AND FLENCK. |
| 290 | "OH, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. |
| 291 | I WANT TO STAY HERE AND MAKE OUT WITH MY GIRLFRIEND." |
| 292 | OKAY, THANK YOU, MAX. |
| 293 | THANK YOU. |
| 294 | SO... SO YOU'RE REALLY NOT GOING? |
| 295 | I DON'T KNOW. |
| 296 | I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M GOING TO DO. I JUST... |
| 297 | YOU DECIDE. |
| 298 | OH, DON'T DO THAT. |
| 299 | PLEASE? OH, NO, NO. |
| 300 | I'M ASKING... I CAN'T. |
| 301 | BUT I CAN'T MAKE THE DECISION. |
| 302 | OKAY, STAY. |
| 303 | STAY? |
| 304 | STAY. |
| 305 | YOU'RE GETTING SO GOOD AT THAT. |
| 306 | IT WAS MAX'S STUFF. |
| 307 | I LOVE THIS ARTICHOKE THING. |
| 308 | DON'T TELL ME WHAT'S IN IT. |
| 309 | THE DIET STARTS TOMORROW. |
| 310 | ( braying laughter ) |
| 311 | YOU REMEMBER JANICE? |
| 312 | OH... VIVIDLY. |
| 313 | ( doorbell rings ) |
| 314 | HI. |
| 315 | HI. I'M SANDY. |
| 316 | SANDY, HI. COME ON IN. |
| 317 | ( nervous chuckling ) |
| 318 | YOU BROUGHT YOUR KIDS. |
| 319 | YEAH. THAT'S OKAY, RIGHT? |
| 320 | PAR-TAY. |
| 321 | THAT THING IS NOT COMING IN HERE. |
| 322 | "THAT THING"? THIS IS HOW YOU GREET GUESTS AT A PARTY? |
| 323 | IF I SHOWED UP WITH MY NEW GIRLFRIEND |
| 324 | SHE WOULDN'T BE WELCOME? |
| 325 | YOUR GIRLFRIEND WOULDN'T URINATE ON MY COFFEE TABLE. |
| 326 | HE WAS MORE EMBARRASSED ABOUT THAT THAN ANYONE. |
| 327 | OKAY? |
| 328 | AND FOR HIM TO HAVE THE COURAGE TO WALK BACK IN HERE |
| 329 | LIKE NOTHING HAPPENED... |
| 330 | ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT! |
| 331 | JUST KEEP HIM AWAY FROM ME. |
| 332 | THANK YOU. COME ON, MARCEL. |
| 333 | WHAT DO YOU SAY YOU AND I DO A LITTLE MINGLING? |
| 334 | ALL RIGHT. I'LL, UH... CATCH UP WITH YOU LATER. |
| 335 | OH, MY GOSH! |
| 336 | RACHEL, HONEY... ARE YOU OKAY? |
| 337 | WHERE'S PAOLO? |
| 338 | ROME. |
| 339 | JERK MISSED HIS FLIGHT. |
| 340 | AND THEN YOUR FACE EXPLODED? |
| 341 | NO. |
| 342 | OKAY. I WAS AT THE AIRPORT GETTING INTO A CAB |
| 343 | WHEN THIS WOMAN-- |
| 344 | THIS BLONDE PLANET WITH A POCKETBOOK-- |
| 345 | STARTS YELLING AT ME. |
| 346 | SOMETHING ABOUT HOW IT WAS HER CAB FIRST |
| 347 | AND THEN THE NEXT THING I KNOW, SHE JUST STARTS |
| 348 | PULLING ME OUT BY MY HAIR. |
| 349 | AND SO I'M BLOWING MY ATTACK WHISTLE THINGY |
| 350 | AND-AND THREE MORE CABS SHOW UP |
| 351 | SO AS I'M GOING TO GET INTO A CAB, SHE TACKLES ME! |
| 352 | I HIT MY HEAD ON THE CURB |
| 353 | AND I CUT MY LIP ON MY WHISTLE. |
| 354 | OH... |
| 355 | EVERYBODY HAVING FUN AT THE PARTY? |
| 356 | ARE PEOPLE EATING MY DIP? |
| 357 | YOU KNOW, WHEN I SAW YOU AT THE STORE LAST WEEK |
| 358 | IT WAS PROBABLY THE FIRST TIME |
| 359 | I EVER MENTALLY UNDRESSED AN ELF. |
| 360 | WOW. THAT'S, UH, DIRTY. |
| 361 | YEAH. |
| 362 | HEY, KIDS. |
| 363 | LOOK AT HIM. |
| 364 | I'M NOT SAYING HE HAS TO SPEND |
| 365 | THE WHOLE EVENING WITH ME |
| 366 | BUT AT LEAST CHECK IN. |
| 367 | THERE YOU ARE! |
| 368 | ♪ YOU GOT AWAY FROM ME! ♪ |
| 369 | ♪ BUT YOU FOUND ME. ♪ |
| 370 | HERE, ROSS, TAKE OUR PICTURE. |
| 371 | SMILE. YOU'RE ON JANICE CAMERA. |
| 372 | KILL ME. KILL ME NOW. |
| 373 | EVERYBODY, IT'S FUN BOBBY! |
| 374 | ( cheering ) |
| 375 | HEY, BOBBY! |
| 376 | HEY, SORRY I'M LATE |
| 377 | BUT MY GRANDFATHER, HE DIED ABOUT TWO HOURS AGO |
| 378 | BUT I-I-I COULDN'T GET A FLIGHT OUT TILL TOMORROW SO... |
| 379 | HERE I AM. |
| 380 | HEY, FUN BOBBY. |
| 381 | HOW'S IT GOING, MAN? |
| 382 | WHOA! WHO DIED? |
| 383 | IT'S GOING TO BE AN OPEN CASKET, YOU KNOW |
| 384 | SO AT LEAST I'LL... I'LL GET TO SEE HIM AGAIN. |
| 385 | MMM... I'M GOING TO BLOW THIS ONE UP |
| 386 | AND I'M GOING TO WRITE "REUNITED" IN GLITTER. |
| 387 | ALL RIGHT, JANICE, THAT'S IT! |
| 388 | JANICE... JANICE. |
| 389 | HEY, JANICE... |
| 390 | WHEN I INVITED YOU |
| 391 | I DIDN'T THINK IT MEANT... |
| 392 | OH... NO! |
| 393 | OH, NO. |
| 394 | I'M SORRY YOU MISUNDERSTOOD. |
| 395 | OH, MY GOD! |
| 396 | YOU LISTEN TO ME, CHANDLER, YOU LISTEN TO ME! |
| 397 | ONE OF THESE TIMES IS JUST GOING TO BE YOUR LAST CHANCE WITH ME! |
| 398 | OH, WILL YOU GIVE ME THE THING! |
| 399 | HI, MAX. |
| 400 | YOKO. |
| 401 | I'VE DECIDED TO GO TO MINSK WITHOUT YOU. |
| 402 | WOW! |
| 403 | IT WON'T BE THE SAME |
| 404 | BUT IT WILL STILL BE MINSK. |
| 405 | HAPPY NEW YEAR! |
| 406 | ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? |
| 407 | YEAH, I'M FINE... I'M FINE. |
| 408 | COME ON. |
| 409 | YOU'RE GOING TO MINSK. |
| 410 | N-NO, I'M NOT GOING TO MINSK. |
| 411 | OH, YOU ARE SO GOING TO MINSK. |
| 412 | YOU BELONG IN MINSK. |
| 413 | YOU CAN'T STAY HERE JUST 'CAUSE OF ME. |
| 414 | YES, I CAN, BECAUSE IF I GO |
| 415 | I HAVE TO BREAK UP WITH YOU AND I CAN'T BREAK UP WITH YOU. |
| 416 | OH, YES. YES, YOU CAN. |
| 417 | JUST SAY, "PHOEBE, I LOVE YOU, BUT MY WORK IS MY LIFE |
| 418 | AND THAT'S WHAT I HAVE TO DO." |
| 419 | AND I SAY, "YOUR WORK?! HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT?" |
| 420 | AND THEN YOU SAY, "IT'S TEARING ME APART |
| 421 | "BUT I HAVE NO CHOICE. |
| 422 | CAN'T YOU UNDERSTAND?" |
| 423 | AND I SAY, "NO! |
| 424 | NO, I CAN'T UNDERSTAND THAT!" |
| 425 | UH, OW. |
| 426 | OOH, SORRY. |
| 427 | AND THEN YOU PUT YOUR ARMS AROUND ME... |
| 428 | YOU PUT YOUR ARMS AROUND ME. |
| 429 | AND, UM, AND THEN YOU TELL ME THAT YOU LOVE ME |
| 430 | AND YOU'LL NEVER FORGET ME. |
| 431 | I'LL NEVER FORGET YOU. |
| 432 | AND THEN YOU SAY THAT IT'S ALMOST MIDNIGHT |
| 433 | AND YOU HAVE TO GO BECAUSE YOU DON'T WANT TO START |
| 434 | THE NEW YEAR WITH ME IF YOU CAN'T FINISH IT. |
| 435 | I'M GOING TO MISS YOU, YOU SCIENTIST GUY. |
| 436 | Dick Clark: We're in a virtual snowstorm of confetti |
| 437 | here in Times Square. |
| 438 | It gets bigger and better every year. |
| 439 | THERE YOU GO, KIDS. |
| 440 | ...AND THEN THE PEACOCK BIT ME. |
| 441 | PLEASE KISS ME AT MIDNIGHT. |
| 442 | SHH... |
| 443 | YOU SEEN SANDY? |
| 444 | I DON'T KNOW HOW TO TELL YOU, BUT SHE'S IN MONICA'S BEDROOM |
| 445 | GETTING IT ON WITH MAX, THAT SCIENTIST GEEK. |
| 446 | WHOA! I DID KNOW HOW TO TELL YOU. |
| 447 | ( distorted mumble ): HEY, EVERYBODY, THE BALL IS DROPPING. |
| 448 | All: WHAT? |
| 449 | THE BALL IS DROPPING! |
| 450 | In 20 seconds, it'll be midnight. |
| 451 | AND THE MOMENT OF JOY IS UPON US. |
| 452 | LOOKS LIKE THAT NO-DATE-PACT THING WORKED OUT. |
| 453 | EVERYBODY LOOKS SO HAPPY. I HATE THAT! |
| 454 | NOT EVERYBODY'S HAPPY. HEY, BOBBY. |
| 455 | All: ...ONE! HAPPY NEW YEAR! |
| 456 | I'LL JUST THROW THIS OUT: |
| 457 | I'M NO MATH WHIZ |
| 458 | BUT I DO BELIEVE THERE ARE THREE GIRLS |
| 459 | AND THREE GUYS RIGHT HERE. |
| 460 | ( kissing noise ) |
| 461 | OH, I DON'T FEEL LIKE KISSING ANYONE TONIGHT. |
| 462 | I CAN'T KISS ANYONE. |
| 463 | SO I'M KISSING EVERYONE? |
| 464 | YOU CAN'T KISS ROSS. |
| 465 | THAT'S YOUR BROTHER. |
| 466 | OH, YEAH. |
| 467 | PERFECT. NOW EVERYBODY'S GETTING KISSED BUT ME. |
| 468 | SOMEBODY KISS ME. |
| 469 | KISS ME. IT'S MIDNIGHT! |
| 470 | SOMEBODY KISS ME! IT'S MIDNIGHT. |
| 471 | STOP! STOP! ALL RIGHT. |
| 472 | ALL RIGHT! |
| 473 | I WANTED THIS TO WORK SO MUCH. |
| 474 | NOW, I'M STILL IN THERE, YOU KNOW |
| 475 | CHANGING HIS DIAPERS, PICKING HIS FLEAS |
| 476 | AND HE'S JUST PHONING IT IN. |
| 477 | IT'S JUST SO HARD TO ACCEPT THAT SOMETHING |
| 478 | YOU LOVE SO MUCH DOESN'T LOVE YOU BACK, YOU KNOW? |
| 479 | I THINK THAT BITCH CRACKED MY TOOTH. |
| 480 | [Captioned by The Caption Center WGBH Educational Foundation] |
| 481 | |
| 1 | DO YOU THINK THEY HAVE YESTERDAY'S DAILY NEWS? |
| 2 | I JUST WANT TO CHECK MY HOROSCOPE |
| 3 | TO SEE IF IT WAS RIGHT. |
| 4 | OH, MY GOD! |
| 5 | PHOEBE, DON'T LOOK NOW |
| 6 | BUT BEHIND YOU IS A GUY WHO HAS THE POTENTIAL TO BREAK OUR HEARTS |
| 7 | AND PLUNGE US INTO A PIT OF DEPRESSION. |
| 8 | WHERE? |
| 9 | COME TO MAMA. |
| 10 | HE'S COMING. BE COOL. |
| 11 | BE COOL. BE COOL. |
| 12 | NICE HAT. |
| 13 | Both: THANKS. |
| 14 | WE SHOULD DO SOMETHING-- WHISTLE. |
| 15 | WE ARE NOT GOING TO WHISTLE. |
| 16 | DO IT! NO! |
| 17 | DO IT! DO IT! DO IT! DO IT! |
| 18 | WHOO-HOO! |
| 19 | [TIRES SCREECHING] [THUD] |
| 20 | OH! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DID THAT! |
| 21 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 22 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 23 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 24 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 25 | ♪ AND IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY ♪ |
| 26 | ♪ YOUR WEEK, YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 27 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 28 | ♪ WHEN THE RAIN STARTS TO FALL ♪ |
| 29 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 30 | ♪ LIKE I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE ♪ |
| 31 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 32 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME TOO. ♪ |
| 33 | Monica: WHY DID I "WHOO-HOO"? |
| 34 | WHAT WAS I HOPING WOULD HAPPEN? |
| 35 | THAT HE'D TURN AROUND AND SAY |
| 36 | "OOH. I LOVE THAT SOUND. |
| 37 | I MUST HAVE YOU NOW." |
| 38 | I JUST WISH THERE WAS SOMETHING WE COULD DO. |
| 39 | HELLO. |
| 40 | HELLO, COMA GUY. |
| 41 | GET UP, YOU GIRL SCOUT! UP! UP! UP! |
| 42 | PHOEBE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? |
| 43 | MAYBE NOBODY'S TRIED THIS. |
| 44 | I WISH WE AT LEAST KNEW HIS NAME. |
| 45 | WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT FACE? |
| 46 | I MEAN, EVEN SLEEPING, HE LOOKS SMART. |
| 47 | I BET HE'S A LAWYER. |
| 48 | YOU SEE THE DENTS IN HIS KNUCKLES? |
| 49 | THAT MEANS HE'S ARTISTIC. |
| 50 | OKAY. HE'S A LAWYER |
| 51 | WHO TEACHES SCULPTING ON THE SIDE. |
| 52 | AND HE CAN DANCE. |
| 53 | OH, YEAH. HE'S THE KIND OF GUY |
| 54 | WHO, WHEN YOU'RE TALKING, HE'S LISTENING |
| 55 | AND NOT SAYING, "YEAH, I UNDERSTAND." |
| 56 | BUT REALLY WONDERING WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE NAKED. |
| 57 | OH, DEFINITELY! |
| 58 | I WISH ALL GUYS COULD BE LIKE HIM. |
| 59 | I KNOW. |
| 60 | ARE THERE NO CONSCIOUS MEN |
| 61 | IN THE CITY FOR YOU TWO? |
| 62 | HE DOESN'T HAVE ANYONE. |
| 63 | YEAH. WE FEEL KIND OF RESPONSIBLE. |
| 64 | I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU SAID "WHOO-HOO." |
| 65 | I DON'T EVEN SAY "WHOO-HOO." |
| 66 | OH! SHE'S COMING UP! |
| 67 | When we come back, we'll be talking about her new book |
| 68 | Euphoria Unbound. The always interesting Nora Tyler Bing. |
| 69 | You might want to put the kids to bed for this one. |
| 70 | WE DON'T HAVE TO WATCH THIS. |
| 71 | WEEKEND AT BERNIE'S IS ON SHOWTIME. |
| 72 | NO WAY! |
| 73 | OH, COME ON. |
| 74 | SHE'S YOUR MOM. |
| 75 | EXACTLY. |
| 76 | WEEKEND AT BERNIE'S! |
| 77 | DEAD GUY GETTING HIT IN THE GROIN 20, 30 TIMES! |
| 78 | CHANDLER, I'VE GOT TO TELL YOU. |
| 79 | I LOVE YOUR MOM'S BOOKS. |
| 80 | I CANNOT GET ON A PLANE WITHOUT ONE. |
| 81 | THIS IS SO COOL. |
| 82 | YOU WOULDN'T THINK SO IF YOU WERE 11 |
| 83 | AND ALL YOUR FRIENDS WERE PASSING AROUND |
| 84 | PAGE 79 OF MISTRESS BITCH. |
| 85 | I LOVE YOUR MOM. |
| 86 | I THINK SHE'S A BLAST. |
| 87 | YEAH. BECAUSE SHE'S NOT YOUR MOM. |
| 88 | Chandler: PLEASE. |
| 89 | BUONA SERA. |
| 90 | HI, SWEETIE. |
| 91 | WHEN DID RIGATONI GET BACK FROM ROME? |
| 92 | LAST NIGHT. |
| 93 | REALLY? SO THEN HIS PLANE DIDN'T EXPLODE |
| 94 | IN A BIG BALL OF FIRE? |
| 95 | JUST A DREAM I HAD. |
| 96 | BUT, PHEW! |
| 97 | HEY! HEY! SHE'S ON! |
| 98 | AH! NORA BING! |
| 99 | Before we get to the book now what is this about you |
| 100 | being arrested in London? |
| 101 | YOUR MOM WAS ARRESTED? |
| 102 | SHH! SHH! I'M BUSY BEAMING WITH PRIDE. |
| 103 | THIS IS KIND OF EMBARRASSING, BUT... |
| 104 | OCCASIONALLY, AFTER I'VE BEEN INTIMATE WITH A MAN... |
| 105 | WHY WOULD SHE SAY THAT'S EMBARRASSING? |
| 106 | All: SHH! |
| 107 | I JUST GET THIS CRAVING FOR KUNG PAO CHICKEN. |
| 108 | THAT'S TOO MUCH INFORMATION! |
| 109 | SO NOW YOU'RE DOING THIS WHOLE BOOK TOUR THING. |
| 110 | HOW IS THAT GOING? |
| 111 | FINE. I'M LEAVING |
| 112 | FOR NEW YORK TOMORROW-- WHICH I HATE. |
| 113 | BUT I GET TO SEE MY SON, WHO I LOVE. |
| 114 | All: AW! |
| 115 | OH. AND THIS IS THE WAY THAT I FIND OUT. |
| 116 | MOST MOM'S USE THE PHONE. |
| 117 | YOU KNOW, I... DON'T TAKE THIS WRONG-- |
| 118 | I JUST DON'T SEE YOU AS A MOM |
| 119 | SOMEHOW-- I DON'T MEAN THAT BAD. |
| 120 | OH. NO. I AM A FABULOUS MOM. |
| 121 | I BOUGHT MY SON HIS FIRST CONDOMS. |
| 122 | AND THEN HE BURST INTO FLAMES. |
| 123 | Monica: OH. LET'S SEE. |
| 124 | CONGRESS IS DEBATING A NEW DEFICIT BILL. |
| 125 | THE MAYOR WANTS TO RAISE SUBWAY FARES AGAIN. |
| 126 | THE HIGH TODAY WAS 45. |
| 127 | AND... OH, AND TEAMS PLAYED SPORTS. |
| 128 | ( "My Guy" by Mary Wells playing ) |
| 129 | ♪♪ |
| 130 | Phoebe: WHAT ABOUT "GLEN"? |
| 131 | HE COULD BE A "GLEN." |
| 132 | UH-UH. NOT SPECIAL ENOUGH. |
| 133 | HOW ABOUT "AGAMEMNON"? |
| 134 | WAY TOO SPECIAL. |
| 135 | MMM. I AM FAMISHED. WHAT DO I WANT? |
| 136 | PLEASE, GOD, DON'T LET IT BE KUNG PAO CHICKEN. |
| 137 | OH! YOU WATCHED THE SHOW! |
| 138 | WHAT DID YOU THINK? |
| 139 | I THINK YOU NEED |
| 140 | TO COME OUT OF YOUR SHELL JUST A... |
| 141 | WHAT IS THIS DIVE? |
| 142 | ONLY YOU COULD HAVE PICKED THIS PLACE. |
| 143 | OH! COME ON. SHUT UP. IT'S FUN. |
| 144 | GIVE ME A HUG. |
| 145 | I THINK WE'RE READY FOR SOME TEQUILA. |
| 146 | WHO'S DOING SHOTS? |
| 147 | YEAH. I'M IN. |
| 148 | THERE YOU GO... ROSS? |
| 149 | I'M NOT REALLY A SHOT DRINKING KIND OF GUY. |
| 150 | SORRY! SORRY! WE'RE LATE. |
| 151 | WE, UH, KIND OF JUST |
| 152 | YOU KNOW, LOST TRACK OF TIME. |
| 153 | BUT A MAN CAN CHANGE. |
| 154 | ANYONE WANT ME TO APPRAISE ANYTHING? |
| 155 | I HAVE READ EVERYTHING YOU'VE WRITTEN. |
| 156 | WHEN I READ |
| 157 | EUPHORIA AT MIDNIGHT |
| 158 | I WANTED TO BECOME A WRITER. |
| 159 | OH! PLEASE, HONEY! |
| 160 | IF I CAN DO IT, ANYBODY CAN. |
| 161 | YOU JUST START |
| 162 | WITH HALF A DOZEN EUROPEAN CITIES |
| 163 | 30 EUPHEMISMS FOR MALE GENITALIA-- |
| 164 | BAM! YOU'VE GOT YOURSELF A BOOK. |
| 165 | MY MOTHER, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. |
| 166 | YEAH. ANY MESSAGES FOR ROOM 226? |
| 167 | YOU OKAY, SLUGGER? |
| 168 | OH. YEAH. I'M FINE. I'M FINE. |
| 169 | ( sniffs ) |
| 170 | ( sighs ) |
| 171 | WHAT IS WITH YOU TONIGHT? |
| 172 | NOTHING. |
| 173 | NOTHING. NOTHING. NOTHING. |
| 174 | OKAY. THANK YOU. |
| 175 | ( sighs ) |
| 176 | IT'S THE ITALIAN HAND-LICKER, ISN'T IT? |
| 177 | NO. IT'S THE ONE HE'S LICKING. |
| 178 | SHE'S SUPPOSED TO BE WITH YOU. |
| 179 | YOU'RE GOOD. |
| 180 | OH, ROSS, LISTEN TO ME. |
| 181 | I HAVE SOLD A HUNDRED MILLION |
| 182 | COPIES OF MY BOOKS-- AND YOU KNOW WHY? |
| 183 | THE GIRL ON THE COVER WITH HER NIPPLES SHOWING? |
| 184 | NO. BECAUSE I KNOW HOW TO WRITE MEN |
| 185 | THAT WOMEN FALL IN LOVE WITH. |
| 186 | BELIEVE ME. I CANNOT SELL A PAOLO. |
| 187 | PEOPLE WILL NOT TURN 325 PAGES FOR A PAOLO. |
| 188 | COME ON. THE GUY'S A SECONDARY CHARACTER. |
| 189 | HE'S JUST, UH, YOU KNOW |
| 190 | A COMPLICATION YOU EVENTUALLY KILL OFF. |
| 191 | WHEN? |
| 192 | HE'S NOT A HERO. |
| 193 | YOU KNOW WHO OUR HERO IS? |
| 194 | THE GUY ON THE COVER WITH HIS NIPPLES SHOWING? |
| 195 | NO. IT'S YOU. |
| 196 | PLEASE. |
| 197 | NO. REALLY. COME ON. |
| 198 | YOU'RE SMART. YOU'RE SEXY. |
| 199 | OH. RIGHT. |
| 200 | LISTEN TO ME, KIDDO. |
| 201 | YOU'RE GOING TO BE FINE. |
| 202 | BELIEVE ME. |
| 203 | UH-OH. |
| 204 | UH... |
| 205 | I'LL JUST PEE IN THE STREET. |
| 206 | ( knocking ) |
| 207 | HEY, IS CHANDLER HERE? |
| 208 | YEAH. |
| 209 | OKAY, COME HERE. |
| 210 | OKAY. ABOUT LAST NIGHT. |
| 211 | YOU KNOW. CHANDLER. YOU DIDN'T TELL... |
| 212 | OKAY! |
| 213 | 'CAUSE I'M THINKING |
| 214 | WE DON'T NEED TO TELL CHANDLER. |
| 215 | ONE KISS-- NO BIG DEAL, RIGHT? |
| 216 | NO BIG DEAL. |
| 217 | OKAY. |
| 218 | IN BIZARRO WORLD! |
| 219 | YOU BROKE THE CODE. WHAT CODE? |
| 220 | YOU DON'T KISS YOUR FRIEND'S MOM. |
| 221 | SISTERS ARE OKAY, MAYBE A HOT-LOOKIN' AUNT |
| 222 | BUT NOT A MOM. |
| 223 | NEVER A MOM! |
| 224 | WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING OUT HERE? |
| 225 | AH, JOEY AND I HAD DISCUSSED |
| 226 | AN EARLY-MORNING RACQUETBALL GAME |
| 227 | BUT, APPARENTLY, SOMEBODY OVERSLEPT. |
| 228 | WELL, YOU DON'T HAVE YOUR RACQUET. |
| 229 | NO. NO, I DON'T BECAUSE IT'S BEING RESTRUNG. |
| 230 | SOMEBODY WAS SUPPOSED TO BRING ME ONE. |
| 231 | WELL, YOU DIDN'T CALL AND LEAVE YOUR GRIP SIZE. |
| 232 | YOU GUYS SPEND WAY TOO MUCH TIME TOGETHER. |
| 233 | OKAY, I'M SCUM. I'M SCUM. |
| 234 | ROSS, HOW COULD YOU LET THIS HAPPEN? |
| 235 | I DON'T KNOW! |
| 236 | IT'S NOT LIKE SHE'S A REGULAR MOM. |
| 237 | SHE'S-SHE'S SEXY. SHE'S... |
| 238 | YOU DON'T THINK MY MOM'S SEXY? |
| 239 | WELL, NOT IN THE SAME WAY. |
| 240 | HEY! |
| 241 | I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW GLORIA TRIBBIANI |
| 242 | WAS A HANDSOME WOMAN IN HER DAY, ALL RIGHT? |
| 243 | YOU THINK IT'S EASY GIVING BIRTH TO SEVEN CHILDREN? |
| 244 | HUH? |
| 245 | OKAY. I THINK WE'RE GETTING INTO A WEIRD AREA HERE. |
| 246 | HEY. HEY. |
| 247 | WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING OUT HERE? |
| 248 | WELL, NOT PLAYING RACQUETBALL. |
| 249 | HE FORGOT TO LEAVE HIS GRIP SIZE. |
| 250 | HE DIDN'T GET THE GOGGLES. |
| 251 | OH. |
| 252 | WELL... SOUNDS LIKE YOU TWO HAVE ISSUES. |
| 253 | BYE, BABY. |
| 254 | CIAO, BELLA. |
| 255 | ( kissing noises ) |
| 256 | DO THEY WAIT FOR ME TO DO THIS? |
| 257 | SO, ARE YOU GOING TO TELL HIM? |
| 258 | I'M NOT GOING TO TELL HIM. WHY WOULD I? |
| 259 | CAUSE IF YOU DON'T, HIS MOTHER MIGHT. |
| 260 | OH. |
| 261 | WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING HERE? |
| 262 | AH, HE'S NOT EVEN WEARING A JOCK STRAP. |
| 263 | WHAT DID I ASK? |
| 264 | HI. |
| 265 | HI. |
| 266 | WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? |
| 267 | NOTHING. I JUST THOUGHT I'D STOP BY |
| 268 | YOU KNOW, AFTER THE, AH, THAT I, YOU KNOW. |
| 269 | WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? |
| 270 | UM, I'M NOT REALLY HERE. |
| 271 | I...JUST THOUGHT I'D DROP THESE OFF ON... |
| 272 | THE WAY. MY WAY. |
| 273 | DO YOU, UM, COME HERE A LOT... |
| 274 | WITHOUT ME? |
| 275 | NO. |
| 276 | NO! NO! |
| 277 | DO YOU THINK HE'S DOING ANY BETTER |
| 278 | THAN HE WAS THIS MORNING? |
| 279 | HOW WOULD I KNOW? I-I WASN'T HERE. |
| 280 | REALLY? NOT EVEN TO, UM... |
| 281 | CHANGE HIS PAJAMAS?! |
| 282 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 283 | YOU'RE MY FRIEND. I... |
| 284 | I HAD TO TELL YOU. |
| 285 | I CAN'T BELIEVE IT. |
| 286 | PAOLO KISSED MY MOM? |
| 287 | YEAH. I DON'T KNOW IF YOU NOTICED |
| 288 | BUT HE HAD A LOT TO DRINK. |
| 289 | YOU KNOW HOW HE GETS WHEN HE'S DRU... |
| 290 | I CAN'T DO THIS. I DID IT. |
| 291 | IT WAS ME. I'M SORRY. |
| 292 | I KISSED YOUR MOM. |
| 293 | WHAT? |
| 294 | I WAS UPSET ABOUT RACHEL AND PAOLO |
| 295 | AND I THINK I HAD TOO MUCH TEQUILA AND NORA... |
| 296 | UM, MRS. MOM, YOUR BING, WAS, AH... |
| 297 | WAS JUST BEING NICE |
| 298 | YOU KNOW, BUT NOTHING HAPPENED |
| 299 | NOTHING. ASK JOEY. |
| 300 | JOEY CAME IN... |
| 301 | YOU KNEW ABOUT THIS? |
| 302 | YOU KNOW, KNOWLEDGE IS A TRICKY THING. |
| 303 | I SPENT THE ENTIRE DAY WITH YOU. |
| 304 | WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME? |
| 305 | YOU'RE LUCKY I CAUGHT THEM. |
| 306 | WHO KNOWS WHAT WOULD HAVE HAPPENED? |
| 307 | THANKS, MAN. BIG HELP. |
| 308 | WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING?! |
| 309 | I WASN'T. I DON'T KNOW... |
| 310 | NO ONE KNOWS THE CRAP I GO THROUGH |
| 311 | WITH MY MOM MORE THAN YOU. |
| 312 | I KNOW. |
| 313 | I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DID THIS. |
| 314 | ME NEITHER. |
| 315 | I'M MAD AT YOU FOR NOT TELLING ME. |
| 316 | YOU GOTTA LET ME SLAM THE DOOR! |
| 317 | I DIDN'T KISS HER. |
| 318 | SEE WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU BREAK THE CODE? |
| 319 | JOEY! |
| 320 | AH... UH?! |
| 321 | HI, RACH. |
| 322 | HEY. AH... |
| 323 | A WOMAN UNDONE, BY RACHEL KAREN GREEN. |
| 324 | YEAH. THOUGHT I'D GIVE IT A SHOT. |
| 325 | I'M STILL ON THE FIRST CHAPTER. |
| 326 | NOW, DO YOU THINK HIS LOVE STICK |
| 327 | CAN BE LIBERATED FROM ITS DENIM PRISON? |
| 328 | YEAH. I'D SAY SO. |
| 329 | AND THERE'S NO "J" IN ENGORGED. |
| 330 | HEY, RACH. |
| 331 | HEY. HELLO. |
| 332 | HELLO. |
| 333 | GOING TO THE HOSPITAL TONIGHT? |
| 334 | NO. YOU? |
| 335 | NO. YOU? |
| 336 | YOU JUST ASKED ME. |
| 337 | OKAY. MAYBE IT WAS A TRICK QUESTION. |
| 338 | UM, RACHEL, CAN WE DO THIS NOW? |
| 339 | OKAY. |
| 340 | I AM SO HOT! |
| 341 | HERE'S A PICTURE OF MY MOTHER AND FATHER ON THEIR WEDDING DAY. |
| 342 | YOU TELL ME SHE'S NOT A KNOCKOUT. |
| 343 | HUH? |
| 344 | I CANNOT BELIEVE WE'RE HAVING THIS CONVERSATION. |
| 345 | JUST TRY TO PICTURE HER NOT PREGNANT. THAT'S ALL. |
| 346 | CENTRAL PERK IS PROUD TO PRESENT MISS PHOEBE BUFFAY. |
| 347 | THANKS. |
| 348 | HI. UM, I'D LIKE TO START WITH A SONG |
| 349 | THAT'S ABOUT A MAN THAT I RECENTLY MET |
| 350 | WHO'S COME TO BE VERY IMPORTANT TO ME. |
| 351 | ♪ YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE AWAKE TO BE MY MAN ♪ |
| 352 | ♪ LONG AS YOU HAVE BRAIN WAVES ♪ |
| 353 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE TO HOLD YOUR HAND ♪ |
| 354 | ♪ THOUGH WE JUST MET THE OTHER DAY, THERE'S SOMETHING ♪ |
| 355 | ♪ I HAVE GOT TO SAY... ♪ |
| 356 | OKAY. THANK YOU VERY MUCH |
| 357 | I'M GOING TO TAKE A SHORT BREAK. |
| 358 | Rachel: HEY, THAT WAS PHOEBE BUFFAY, EVERYBODY. |
| 359 | WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT? |
| 360 | PHOEBE JUST STARTED HER... |
| 361 | I BELIEVE I WAS TALKING TO JOEY. |
| 362 | ALL RIGHT THERE, MOTHER KISSER? |
| 363 | MOTHER KISSER! |
| 364 | ( seriously ): I'LL SHUT UP. |
| 365 | CHANDLER, I KNOW YOU'RE STILL MAD AT ME. |
| 366 | I JUST WANT TO SAY THERE WERE TWO PEOPLE THERE THAT NIGHT. |
| 367 | OKAY? THERE WERE TWO SETS OF LIPS. |
| 368 | I EXPECT THIS FROM HER. |
| 369 | OKAY? SHE'S ALWAYS BEEN A FREUDIAN NIGHTMARE. |
| 370 | IF SHE ALWAYS BEHAVES LIKE THIS |
| 371 | WHY DON'T YOU SAY SOMETHING? |
| 372 | IT'S COMPLICATED. |
| 373 | IT'S COMPLEX. IT'S... |
| 374 | HEY! YOU KISSED MY MOM! |
| 375 | WE'RE REHEARSING A GREEK PLAY. |
| 376 | THAT'S VERY FUNNY. ARE WE DONE NOW? |
| 377 | NO. YOU'RE NOT GOING TO TALK TO HER? |
| 378 | TELL HER HOW YOU FEEL? |
| 379 | NO. JUST BECAUSE YOU PLAYED TONSIL TENNIS WITH MY MOM |
| 380 | DOESN'T MEAN YOU KNOW HER. |
| 381 | YOU CAN'T TALK TO HER. |
| 382 | OKAY. YOU CAN'T OR YOU CAN'T? |
| 383 | OKAY. THAT'S MY FINGER. |
| 384 | OKAY. THAT'S MY KNEE. |
| 385 | STILL DOING THE PLAY. |
| 386 | ( turns groan into singing ) |
| 387 | ALL RIGHT. WHAT'D YOU DO WITH HIM? |
| 388 | ( toilet flushing ) |
| 389 | YOU'RE AWAKE! |
| 390 | LOOK AT YOU! |
| 391 | HOW DO YOU FEEL? |
| 392 | AH, A LITTLE WOOZY BUT BASICALLY OKAY. |
| 393 | GOSH, YOU LOOK GOOD. |
| 394 | I FEEL GOOD. |
| 395 | WHO ARE YOU? |
| 396 | SORRY! |
| 397 | I'M PHOEBE BUFFAY. |
| 398 | I'M MONICA GELLER. I'VE BEEN TAKING CARE OF YOU. |
| 399 | WE BOTH HAVE. |
| 400 | THE ETCH-A-SKETCH IS FROM YOU? |
| 401 | IT'S FROM ME. |
| 402 | I GOT THE FOOT MASSAGER. |
| 403 | I SHAVED YOU. THAT WAS ME. |
| 404 | I READ TO YOU. |
| 405 | I SANG. HAH! |
| 406 | WELL... THANKS. |
| 407 | MY PLEASURE. YOU'RE WELCOME. |
| 408 | SO... I GUESS I'LL SEE YOU AROUND. |
| 409 | WHAT, THAT'S IT? |
| 410 | "SEE YOU AROUND"? |
| 411 | WELL, WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY? |
| 412 | OH, I DON'T KNOW. |
| 413 | MAYBE, UH, "THAT WAS NICE." |
| 414 | IT MEANT SOMETHING TO ME. |
| 415 | I'LL CALL YOU. |
| 416 | ALL RIGHT. I'LL CALL YOU. |
| 417 | I DON'T THINK YOU MEAN THAT. |
| 418 | THIS IS SO TYPICAL. |
| 419 | YOU KNOW, WE GIVE AND WE GIVE AND WE GIVE |
| 420 | AND THEN WE JUST GET NOTHING BACK |
| 421 | AND THEN ONE DAY, YOU WAKE UP AND "SEE YOU AROUND." |
| 422 | LET'S GO, PHOEBE. |
| 423 | YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 424 | WE THOUGHT YOU WERE DIFFERENT |
| 425 | BUT I GUESS IT WAS JUST THE COMA. |
| 426 | Nora: SO, I WAS RUNNING DOWNSTAIRS |
| 427 | I JUST WANTED TO DROP OFF COPIES OF MY BOOK FOR YOUR FRIENDS. |
| 428 | ANYTHING YOU WANT FROM LISBON? |
| 429 | NO, NO. JUST KNOWING YOU'RE GOING TO BE THERE IS ENOUGH. |
| 430 | ALL RIGHT, WELL, BE GOOD. |
| 431 | I LOVE YOU. |
| 432 | YOU KISSED MY BEST ROSS! |
| 433 | OR SOMETHING TO THAT EFFECT. |
| 434 | OKAY. |
| 435 | LOOK, IT WAS STUPID. |
| 436 | REALLY STUPID. |
| 437 | REALLY STUPID AND... |
| 438 | I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW IT HAPPENED. |
| 439 | I'M SORRY, HONEY, AND I PROMISE IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN. |
| 440 | ARE WE OKAY? |
| 441 | YEAH... |
| 442 | NO. |
| 443 | NO. |
| 444 | AH. THE FORBIDDEN LOVE OF A MAN AND HIS DOOR. |
| 445 | SHH! |
| 446 | HE DID IT! HE TOLD HER OFF |
| 447 | AND NOT JUST ABOUT THE KISS, ABOUT EVERYTHING. |
| 448 | YOU'RE KIDDING! |
| 449 | HE SAID, "WHEN YOU GONNA GROW UP AND BE A MOM?" |
| 450 | WOW! WAIT! SHE CAME BACK WITH |
| 451 | "WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO GROW UP AND REALIZE I HAVE A BOMB?" |
| 452 | OKAY, WAIT A MINUTE. ARE YOU SURE SHE DIDN'T SAY |
| 453 | "WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO GROW UP AND REALIZE I AM YOUR MOM?" |
| 454 | THAT MAKES MORE SENSE. |
| 455 | YOU THINK? YEAH. |
| 456 | SO WHAT'S GOING ON NOW? |
| 457 | I DON'T KNOW. |
| 458 | I'VE BEEN STANDING HERE SPELLING IT OUT FOR YOU. |
| 459 | ( whispering ): I DON'T HEAR ANYTHING. WAIT, WAIT, WAIT! |
| 460 | WHAT DO YOU SEE? |
| 461 | IT'S HARD TO TELL. THEY'RE SO TINY AND UPSIDE DOWN. |
| 462 | WAIT, WAIT, WAIT! |
| 463 | THEY'RE WALKING AWAY, THEY'RE WALKING AWAY... |
| 464 | NO! NO, THEY'RE NOT! THEY'RE COMING RIGHT AT US! |
| 465 | RUN, RUN! |
| 466 | YOU OKAY, KIDDO? |
| 467 | YEAH, I'M OKAY. |
| 468 | ALL RIGHT. YOU BE GOOD. |
| 469 | FLY SAFE. |
| 470 | MRS. BING. |
| 471 | MR. GELLER. |
| 472 | HEY! |
| 473 | YOU MEAN THAT? |
| 474 | YEAH. WHY NOT? |
| 475 | SO I TOLD HER. |
| 476 | OH... HOW DID IT GO? |
| 477 | AWFUL... AWFUL. COULDN'T HAVE GONE WORSE. |
| 478 | WELL... HOW DO YOU FEEL? |
| 479 | PRETTY GOOD. |
| 480 | I TOLD HER. |
| 481 | WELL, SEE? |
| 482 | SO MAYBE IT WASN'T SUCH A BAD IDEA |
| 483 | ME KISSING YOUR MOM. |
| 484 | HUH? HUH? |
| 485 | BUT WE DON'T HAVE TO GO DOWN THAT ROAD. |
| 486 | OKAY. NOW, THIS IS JUST THE FIRST CHAPTER |
| 487 | AND I WANT YOUR ABSOLUTE HONEST OPINION. OKAY? |
| 488 | OH! AND ON PAGE TWO, HE'S NOT REACHING FOR HER HEAVING BEASTS. |
| 489 | WHAT'S A NIFFLE? |
| 490 | YOU CAN USUALLY FIND THEM ON THE HEAVING BEASTS. |
| 491 | OH! |
| 492 | ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. SO I'M NOT A GREAT TYPIST. |
| 493 | WAIT, DID YOU GET TO THE PART ABOUT HIS HUGE THROBBING PENS? |
| 494 | DON'T WANT TO BE AROUND |
| 495 | WHEN HE STARTS WRITING WITH THOSE. |
| 496 | ALL RIGHT, THAT'S IT. GIVE IT BACK. |
| 497 | |
| 1 | ( humming bass opening of Odd Couple theme ) |
| 2 | ( humming theme from Odd Couple ) |
| 3 | ( all humming theme from Odd Couple ) |
| 4 | ( humming theme from I Dream of Jeannie ) |
| 5 | NO. WE'RE DONE. |
| 6 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 7 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 8 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 9 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 10 | ♪ AND IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY ♪ |
| 11 | ♪ YOUR WEEK, YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 12 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 13 | ♪ WHEN THE RAIN STARTS TO FALL ♪ |
| 14 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 15 | ♪ LIKE I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE ♪ |
| 16 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 17 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME TOO. ♪ |
| 18 | AUNT SYL, STOP YELLING. |
| 19 | ALL I'M SAYING IS, IF YOU HAD TOLD ME VEGETARIAN LASAGNA |
| 20 | I WOULD HAVE MADE VEGETARIAN LASAGNA. |
| 21 | WELL, THE MEAT'S ONLY EVERY THIRD LAYER. |
| 22 | MAYBE YOU COULD SCRAPE. |
| 23 | ROSS, DID YOU REALLY READ ALL THESE BABY BOOKS? |
| 24 | YEP. YOU COULD PLUNK ME DOWN |
| 25 | IN THE MIDDLE OF ANY WOMAN'S UTERUS, NO COMPASS |
| 26 | AND I COULD FIND MY WAY OUT LIKE THAT. |
| 27 | OOH, THIS IS COOL. |
| 28 | IN SOME PARTS OF THE WORLD |
| 29 | PEOPLE ACTUALLY EAT THE PLACENTA. |
| 30 | AND WE'RE DONE WITH THE YOGURT. |
| 31 | AUNT SYL, I DID THIS AS A FAVOR. |
| 32 | I AM NOT A CATERER. |
| 33 | WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO WITH A DOZEN LASAGNAS? |
| 34 | NICE TALK, AUNT SYL. |
| 35 | YOU KISS UNCLE FREDDIE WITH THAT MOUTH? |
| 36 | HEY, ROSS. LISTEN. |
| 37 | DO YOU KNOW THAT RIGHT NOW YOUR BABY IS ONLY THIS BIG? |
| 38 | THIS IS YOUR BABY. |
| 39 | HI, DADDY. |
| 40 | HELLO. |
| 41 | HOW COME YOU DON'T LIVE WITH MOMMY? |
| 42 | HOW COME MOMMY LIVES WITH THAT OTHER LADY? |
| 43 | WHAT'S A LESBIAN? |
| 44 | ( speaking Italian ) |
| 45 | YOU CAN SAY IT-- POCONOS. |
| 46 | POCONOS. |
| 47 | IT'S LIKE POKE A NOSE. |
| 48 | AW, POKE A NOSE. |
| 49 | ( all mimicking Paolo's tone ) |
| 50 | SO, DID I HEAR POCONOS? |
| 51 | YES. MY SISTER'S GIVING US HER PLACE FOR THE WEEKEND. |
| 52 | WHOO-HOO. FIRST WEEKEND AWAY TOGETHER. |
| 53 | THAT'S A BIG STEP. |
| 54 | Rachel: I KNOW. |
| 55 | IT'S JUST A WEEKEND. BIG DEAL. |
| 56 | WASN'T THIS JUST SUPPOSED TO BE A FLING? |
| 57 | SHOULDN'T IT BE... |
| 58 | FLUNG BY NOW? |
| 59 | I MEAN, WE ARE WAY PAST THE FLING THING. |
| 60 | I AM FEELING THINGS THAT I'VE ONLY READ ABOUT |
| 61 | IN DANIELLE STEEL BOOKS. |
| 62 | WHEN I'M WITH HIM, I'M JUST TOTALLY, TOTALLY... |
| 63 | NAUSEOUS. |
| 64 | I'M PHYSICALLY NAUSEOUS. |
| 65 | WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO? |
| 66 | CALL IMMIGRATION? |
| 67 | I COULD CALL IMMIGRATION. |
| 68 | I LOVE BABIES WITH THEIR LITTLE BABY SHOES |
| 69 | AND THEIR LITTLE BABY TOES AND THEIR LITTLE HANDS. |
| 70 | OKAY. YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO STOP THAT. |
| 71 | FOREVER. |
| 72 | NEED A NEW TABLE. |
| 73 | YOU THINK? |
| 74 | ( knocking ) |
| 75 | HEY, HEY. COME ON IN. |
| 76 | HELLO. |
| 77 | I BROUGHT ALL THE BOOKS |
| 78 | AND MONICA SENDS HER LOVE ALONG WITH THIS LASAGNA. |
| 79 | OH, GREAT. |
| 80 | IS IT VEGETARIAN, 'CAUSE SUSAN DOESN'T EAT MEAT. |
| 81 | I'M PRETTY SURE THAT IT IS. |
| 82 | SO, I GOT THE RESULTS OF THE AMNIO TODAY. |
| 83 | IS EVERYTHING..? |
| 84 | TOTALLY AND COMPLETELY HEALTHY. |
| 85 | OH, THAT'S GREAT. |
| 86 | THAT IS GREAT. |
| 87 | HEY. WHEN DID YOU AND SUSAN MEET HUEY LEWIS? |
| 88 | UH... THAT'S OUR FRIEND TANYA. |
| 89 | OF COURSE, IT'S YOUR FRIEND TANYA. |
| 90 | DON'T YOU WANT TO KNOW ABOUT THE SEX? |
| 91 | THE SEX? |
| 92 | I'M HAVING ENOUGH TROUBLE |
| 93 | WITH THE IMAGE OF YOU AND SUSAN TOGETHER. |
| 94 | WHEN YOU THROW IN TANYA... YAW. |
| 95 | THE SEX OF THE BABY, ROSS. |
| 96 | OH. YOU KNOW THE SEX OF THE BABY? |
| 97 | OH. OH, OH, OH. |
| 98 | DO YOU WANT TO KNOW? |
| 99 | NO, NO, NO. |
| 100 | NO, I DON'T WANT TO KNOW. ABSOLUTELY NOT. |
| 101 | NO. I THINK YOU SHOULDN'T KNOW UNTIL YOU LOOK DOWN THERE |
| 102 | AND SEE, OH, THERE IT IS OR ISN'T. |
| 103 | OH. HELLO, ROSS. |
| 104 | SUSAN. |
| 105 | SO... |
| 106 | SO DID YOU HEAR? |
| 107 | YES, WE DID. EVERYTHING'S A-OKAY. |
| 108 | OH. THAT'S SO... |
| 109 | IT REALLY IS. |
| 110 | DO WE KNOW? |
| 111 | WE CERTAINLY DO. |
| 112 | IT'S GOING TO BE A... |
| 113 | HEY, HO. HELLO. |
| 114 | SEE A GUY WHO DOESN'T WANT TO KNOW STANDING HERE. |
| 115 | OH. |
| 116 | WELL, IS IT WHAT WE THOUGHT IT WOULD BE? |
| 117 | MM-HMM. |
| 118 | ( giggling ) |
| 119 | HEY. |
| 120 | WHAT... |
| 121 | WHAT DID WE THINK IT WAS GOING TO BE? |
| 122 | NO, NO, NO. |
| 123 | I DON'T WANT TO KNOW. |
| 124 | DON'T WANT TO KNOW |
| 125 | YOU KNOW, I SHOULD PROBABLY JUST GO. |
| 126 | THANKS FOR THE BOOKS. |
| 127 | NO PROBLEM. |
| 128 | OKAY. |
| 129 | OH. |
| 130 | SUSAN. |
| 131 | ALL RIGHT, WHO SHOULD WE CALL FIRST? |
| 132 | YOUR FOLKS OR DEB AND RONA? |
| 133 | ( buzzing ) |
| 134 | HELLO. |
| 135 | Ross: Uh... never mind. |
| 136 | I don't want to know. |
| 137 | JUST BECAUSE IT WAS MY TABLE |
| 138 | I HAVE TO BUY A NEW ONE? |
| 139 | THAT'S THE RULE. |
| 140 | WHAT RULE? THERE'S NO RULE. |
| 141 | IF ANYTHING, YOU OWE ME A TABLE. |
| 142 | HOW'D YOU GET THERE? |
| 143 | I BELIEVE IT WAS FINE |
| 144 | UNTIL YOUR BREAKFAST ADVENTURE WITH ANGELA DELVECCHIO. |
| 145 | YOU KNEW ABOUT THAT? |
| 146 | THE IMPRESSIONS YOU MADE IN THE BUTTER |
| 147 | LEFT LITTLE TO THE IMAGINATION. |
| 148 | OKAY, OKAY. |
| 149 | HOW ABOUT IF WE SPLIT IT? |
| 150 | WHAT DO YOU MEAN? LIKE, BUY IT TOGETHER? |
| 151 | YEAH. |
| 152 | YOU THINK WE'RE READY FOR THAT? |
| 153 | WHY NOT? |
| 154 | IT'S A BIG COMMITMENT. |
| 155 | WHAT IF ONE OF US MOVES OUT? |
| 156 | WHY? ARE YOU MOVING OUT? |
| 157 | I'M NOT MOVING OUT. |
| 158 | YOU'D TELL ME IF YOU WERE? |
| 159 | YES, YES. IT'S JUST MY LAST ROOMMATE, KIP... |
| 160 | I KNOW ALL ABOUT KIP. |
| 161 | WE BOUGHT A HIBACHI TOGETHER |
| 162 | AND THEN HE RAN OFF AND GOT MARRIED. |
| 163 | LET ME ASK YOU SOMETHING. |
| 164 | WAS KIP A BETTER ROOMMATE THAN ME? |
| 165 | OH, DON'T DO THAT? |
| 166 | A COUPLE CHANGES IN YOUR SCHEDULE. |
| 167 | YOUR 4:00 HERBAL MASSAGE HAS BEEN PUSHED BACK TO 4:30 |
| 168 | AND MISS SOMERFELD CANCELED HER 5:30 SHIATSU. |
| 169 | OKAY. THANKS. |
| 170 | OH, HERE COMES YOUR 3:00. |
| 171 | I DON'T MEAN TO SOUND UNPROFESSIONAL, BUT... YUM. |
| 172 | BUON GIORNO, BELLA PEEBIE. |
| 173 | OH. PAOLO. |
| 174 | HI. WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? |
| 175 | UH... RACQUELA TELL ME... |
| 176 | YOU MASSAGE. |
| 177 | WELL, RACQUELA'S RIGHT. |
| 178 | YEAH. |
| 179 | ( speaking Italian ) |
| 180 | OH. OKAY. |
| 181 | I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU JUST SAID. |
| 182 | UH... |
| 183 | I AM, UH... BEING NAKED? |
| 184 | THAT'S REALLY YOUR DECISION. |
| 185 | I MEAN, SOME PEOPLE PREFER, YOU KNOW |
| 186 | TO TAKE OFF... WHOOPS. |
| 187 | YOU'RE BEING NAKED. |
| 188 | I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW. |
| 189 | I COULDN'T NOT KNOW. |
| 190 | IF THE DOCTOR KNOWS |
| 191 | AND CAROL KNOWS AND SUSAN KNOWS... |
| 192 | AND MONICA KNOWS. |
| 193 | HOW COULD YOU KNOW? I DON'T EVEN KNOW. |
| 194 | CAROL CALLED TO THANK ME FOR THE LASAGNA. |
| 195 | I ASKED. SHE TOLD ME. |
| 196 | SO WHAT'S IT GOING TO BE? |
| 197 | OH. |
| 198 | GREAT. |
| 199 | NOW HE KNOWS AND I DON'T KNOW. |
| 200 | I'M JUST EXCITED ABOUT BEING AN AUNT. |
| 201 | OR AN UNCLE. |
| 202 | HEY, PHOEBE. |
| 203 | HI, PHEEBS. |
| 204 | FINE. |
| 205 | PHOEBE, WHAT'S THE MATTER? |
| 206 | NOTHING. I'M SORRY. |
| 207 | I'M OUT OF SORTS. |
| 208 | Woman: COULD WE GET SOME CAPPUCCINO? |
| 209 | OH, RIGHT. THAT'S ME. |
| 210 | HEY, CHANDLER, THAT TABLE PLACE CLOSES AT 7:00. |
| 211 | COME ON. |
| 212 | FINE. |
| 213 | PHOEBE, WHAT IS IT? |
| 214 | ALL RIGHT. YOU KNOW PAOLO? |
| 215 | I'M FAMILIAR WITH HIS WORK. YES. |
| 216 | WELL, HE MADE A MOVE ON ME. |
| 217 | WHOA, STORE WILL BE OPEN TOMORROW. |
| 218 | COULD WE GET SOME COFFEE? |
| 219 | WHAT HAPPENED? |
| 220 | HE CAME IN FOR A MASSAGE |
| 221 | AND EVERYTHING WAS FINE UNTIL... |
| 222 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 223 | ARE YOU SURE? |
| 224 | OH, YEAH, I'M SURE. |
| 225 | AND ALL OF A SUDDEN |
| 226 | HIS HANDS WEREN'T THE PROBLEM ANYMORE. |
| 227 | WAS IT..? |
| 228 | OH, BOY SCOUTS COULD HAVE CAMPED UNDER THERE. |
| 229 | OOH... OOH... |
| 230 | "OOH," WHAT? |
| 231 | UMA THURMAN. |
| 232 | THE ACTRESS. |
| 233 | ( all talking ) |
| 234 | THANKS, RACH. |
| 235 | SO, WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO? |
| 236 | YOU HAVE TO TELL HER. |
| 237 | IT'S YOUR MORAL OBLIGATION AS A FRIEND. |
| 238 | AS A WOMAN, I THINK IT'S A FEMINIST ISSUE. |
| 239 | GUYS? GUYS? |
| 240 | OH, YEAH, YOU HAVE TO TELL HER. |
| 241 | FEMINIST ISSUE. THAT'S WHERE I WENT. |
| 242 | SHE IS GOING TO HATE ME. |
| 243 | YEAH, WELL... |
| 244 | WILL YOU PICK ONE? |
| 245 | JUST PICK ONE. |
| 246 | HERE, HOW ABOUT THAT ONE? |
| 247 | THAT'S PATIO FURNITURE. |
| 248 | LIKE, PEOPLE ARE GOING TO COME IN |
| 249 | AND THINK "UH-OH, I'M OUTSIDE AGAIN." |
| 250 | WHAT ABOUT THE BIRDS? |
| 251 | I DON'T KNOW. |
| 252 | BIRDS JUST DON'T SAY "HELLO, SIT HERE |
| 253 | EAT SOMETHING." |
| 254 | YOU PICK ONE. |
| 255 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 256 | HOW ABOUT THE LADYBUGS? |
| 257 | SO FORGET ABOUT THE BIRDS |
| 258 | BUT BIG, RED INSECTS SUGGEST FINE DINING. |
| 259 | FINE, YOU WANT THE BIRDS, GET THE BIRDS. |
| 260 | NOT LIKE THAT, I WON'T. |
| 261 | KIP WOULD HAVE LIKED THE BIRDS. |
| 262 | HEY. |
| 263 | HI, PHEEBS. |
| 264 | ARE YOU MOVING OUT? |
| 265 | NO, THESE AREN'T ALL MY SUITCASES. |
| 266 | THIS ONE'S PAULO'S. |
| 267 | UM, UM, RACHEL, CAN WE TALK FOR A SEC? |
| 268 | SURE. JUST FOR A SEC THOUGH |
| 269 | 'CAUSE PAOLO'S ON HIS WAY OVER. |
| 270 | OH..! |
| 271 | OKAY. UM... |
| 272 | OKAY. UM... |
| 273 | OH, PHEEBS... |
| 274 | UM... WE HAVEN'T KNOWN EACH OTHER |
| 275 | FOR THAT LONG A TIME, AND, UM, THERE ARE THREE THINGS |
| 276 | THAT YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT ME. |
| 277 | ONE, MY FRIENDS ARE THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN MY LIFE. |
| 278 | TWO, I NEVER LIE... |
| 279 | AND THREE, I MAKE THE BEST OATMEAL RAISIN COOKIES |
| 280 | IN THE WORLD. |
| 281 | OKAY... |
| 282 | THANKS, PHEEBS. |
| 283 | OH, MY GOD! |
| 284 | I KNOW. |
| 285 | WHY HAVE I NEVER TASTED THESE BEFORE? |
| 286 | OH, I DON'T MAKE THEM A LOT BECAUSE I DON'T THINK IT'S FAIR |
| 287 | TO THE OTHER COOKIES. |
| 288 | ALL RIGHT, WELL, YOU'RE RIGHT. |
| 289 | THESE ARE THE BEST OATMEAL RAISIN COOKIES |
| 290 | I'VE EVER HAD. |
| 291 | WHICH PROVES THAT I NEVER LIE. |
| 292 | I GUESS YOU DON'T. |
| 293 | PAOLO MADE A PASS AT ME. |
| 294 | SO, WHAT DO YOU THINK? |
| 295 | I THINK IT'S THE MOST BEAUTIFUL TABLE |
| 296 | I'VE EVER SEEN. |
| 297 | I KNOW. |
| 298 | SO, YOU GOING TO BALANCE THE PLATES |
| 299 | ON THESE LITTLE GUYS' HEADS? |
| 300 | WHO CARES? WE'LL EAT AT THE SINK. |
| 301 | HEADS UP, ROSS. |
| 302 | SCORE! |
| 303 | YOU SUCK. |
| 304 | ARE YOU OKAY? |
| 305 | I NEED SOME MILK. |
| 306 | OKAY. I'VE GOT MILK. |
| 307 | HERE YOU GO. OH. |
| 308 | BETTER? |
| 309 | NO. |
| 310 | OH, I FEEL SO STUPID! |
| 311 | I THINK ABOUT THE OTHER DAY WITH YOU GUYS, YOU KNOW |
| 312 | AND I WAS ALL "OH, PAOLO, HE'S SO GREAT! |
| 313 | HE MAKES ME FEEL SO..." |
| 314 | OH! GOD. |
| 315 | I'M SO EMBARRASSED. |
| 316 | I'M SO EMBARRASSED. |
| 317 | I'M THE ONE HE HIT ON. |
| 318 | PHOEBE, IF I HAD NEVER MET HIM |
| 319 | THIS WOULD HAVE NEVER HAPPENED. |
| 320 | I'M SO SORRY. |
| 321 | NO, I'M SORRY. |
| 322 | NO, I'M SORRY! NO, I'M SORRY! |
| 323 | OH, WAIT. OH... |
| 324 | WHAT ARE WE SORRY ABOUT? |
| 325 | I DON'T KNOW. |
| 326 | RIGHT. HE'S THE PIG. |
| 327 | SUCH A PIG. |
| 328 | OH, GOD, HE'S SUCH A PIG! |
| 329 | HE'S LIKE A BIG, DISGUSTING PIG... |
| 330 | PIG MAN. |
| 331 | YES, GOOD. OKAY. |
| 332 | BUT HE WAS MY PIG MAN. |
| 333 | HOW DID I NOT SEE THIS? |
| 334 | OH, I KNOW! |
| 335 | BECAUSE... HE'S GORGEOUS |
| 336 | AND HE'S CHARMING |
| 337 | AND WHEN HE LOOKS AT YOU... |
| 338 | OKAY, OKAY, PHEEBS. |
| 339 | THE END. |
| 340 | OH, GOD. |
| 341 | SHOULD I NOT HAVE TOLD YOU? |
| 342 | NO. NO, TRUST ME. |
| 343 | IT'S, IT'S, IT'S MUCH BETTER THAT I KNOW. |
| 344 | UH, I JUST LIKED IT BETTER BEFORE IT WAS BETTER. |
| 345 | I THINK SHE TOOK IT PRETTY WELL. |
| 346 | YOU KNOW, PAOLO'S OVER THERE RIGHT NOW, SO... |
| 347 | WE SHOULD GET OVER THERE AND SEE IF SHE'S OKAY. |
| 348 | JUST ONE... SECOND. |
| 349 | SCORE! |
| 350 | COME ON. |
| 351 | AH... OOH! |
| 352 | WELL, LOOKS LIKE, UH, WE KICKED YOUR BUTTS. |
| 353 | SHE KICKED OUR BUTTS. |
| 354 | YOU COULD BE ON THE OLYMPIC STANDING-THERE TEAM. |
| 355 | COME ON, TWO ON ONE. |
| 356 | WHAT ARE YOU DOING? |
| 357 | SHE JUST BROKE UP WITH THE GUY. |
| 358 | IT'S TIME FOR YOU TO SWOOP IN. |
| 359 | WHAT, NOW? |
| 360 | YES, NOW IS WHEN YOU SWOOP. |
| 361 | YOU GOT TO MAKE SURE |
| 362 | THAT WHEN PAOLO WALKS OUT OF THERE |
| 363 | THE FIRST GUY RACHEL SEES IS YOU. |
| 364 | SHE'S GOT TO KNOW THAT YOU'RE |
| 365 | EVERYTHING HE'S NOT. |
| 366 | YOU'RE LIKE... THE ANTI-PAOLO. |
| 367 | MY CATHOLIC FRIEND IS RIGHT. |
| 368 | SHE'S DISTRAUGHT. |
| 369 | YOU'RE THERE FOR HER. |
| 370 | YOU PICK UP THE PIECES, AND THEN, YOU USHER IN |
| 371 | THE AGE OF ROSS. |
| 372 | NO, THAT'S COLD, THAT'S COLD. |
| 373 | HOW'S IT GOING? |
| 374 | DON'T STARE. |
| 375 | SHE JUST FINISHED |
| 376 | THROWING HIS CLOTHES OFF THE BALCONY. |
| 377 | NOW THERE'S JUST A LOT OF GESTURING. |
| 378 | OKAY, THAT IS EITHER "HOW COULD YOU?" |
| 379 | OR "ENORMOUS BREASTS." |
| 380 | HERE HE COMES. |
| 381 | UH, I AM, UH, TO SAY GOOD-BYE. |
| 382 | OH, OKAY, BYE-BYE. |
| 383 | PAOLO, I REALLY HATE YOU FOR WHAT YOU DID TO RACHEL |
| 384 | BUT I STILL HAVE FIVE OF THESE |
| 385 | SO HEAT IT AT 375 UNTIL THE CHEESE BUBBLES. |
| 386 | GRAZIE. |
| 387 | PAOLO, I-I JUST WANT TO TELL YOU |
| 388 | AND I THINK I SPEAK FOR EVERYONE |
| 389 | WHEN I SAY... |
| 390 | OH, JUST LOOK AT HER. |
| 391 | YOU GUYS, I THINK |
| 392 | ONLY ONE OF US SHOULD GO OUT THERE |
| 393 | SO SHE'S NOT OVERWHELMED. |
| 394 | OH, YOU'RE RIGHT. |
| 395 | AND I REALLY THINK IT SHOULD BE ME. |
| 396 | HEY. |
| 397 | HEY. |
| 398 | YOU ALL RIGHT? |
| 399 | OH... I'VE BEEN BETTER. |
| 400 | ( sighing ) |
| 401 | COME HERE. |
| 402 | LISTEN, YOU DESERVE SO MUCH BETTER THAN HIM. |
| 403 | YOU KNOW? I MEAN, YOU, YOU... |
| 404 | YOU SHOULD BE WITH A GUY WHO KNOWS WHAT HE HAS |
| 405 | WHEN HE HAS YOU. |
| 406 | OH, ROSS. |
| 407 | WHAT? |
| 408 | I'M SO SICK OF GUYS. |
| 409 | I DON'T WANT TO LOOK AT ANOTHER GUY. |
| 410 | I DON'T WANT TO THINK |
| 411 | ABOUT ANOTHER GUY. |
| 412 | I DON'T EVEN WANT TO BE NEAR |
| 413 | ANOTHER GUY. |
| 414 | HUH. |
| 415 | OH, ROSS YOU'RE SO GREAT. |
| 416 | OH... |
| 417 | HEY, HONEY, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? |
| 418 | ARE YOU OKAY? |
| 419 | MEDIUM. |
| 420 | ANY COOKIES LEFT? YEAH. |
| 421 | SEE, RACH, UM, SEE, I DON'T THINK |
| 422 | THAT SWEARING OFF GUYS ALTOGETHER IS THE ANSWER. |
| 423 | I REALLY DON'T. |
| 424 | I THINK WHAT YOU NEED |
| 425 | IS TO DEVELOP A MORE SOPHISTICATED SCREENING PROCESS. |
| 426 | NO, I JUST NEED TO BE BY MYSELF |
| 427 | FOR AWHILE, YOU KNOW? |
| 428 | I JUST GOT TO FIGURE OUT WHAT I WANT. |
| 429 | UH, NO, NO. |
| 430 | SEE, BECAUSE NOT... NOT ALL GUYS OUT THERE |
| 431 | ARE GOING TO BE A PAOLO. |
| 432 | NO, I KNOW. |
| 433 | I KNOW, AND I'M SURE YOUR LITTLE BOY |
| 434 | IS NOT GOING TO GROW UP TO BE ONE. |
| 435 | WHAT? |
| 436 | WHAT? |
| 437 | I-I'M, I'M HAVING A BOY? |
| 438 | UH... NO. |
| 439 | NO, NO, IN FACT, YOU'RE NOT HAVING A BOY. |
| 440 | I'M HAVING, I'M HAVING A BOY. |
| 441 | ( babbling ) |
| 442 | HUH? AM I HAVING A BOY? |
| 443 | ( all yelling ) |
| 444 | I'M HAVING A BOY! |
| 445 | OH, I'M HAVING A BOY! |
| 446 | Both: WHAT IS IT? |
| 447 | I'M HAVING A BOY! |
| 448 | I-I'M HAVING A BOY. |
| 449 | HEY! HEY! |
| 450 | WE ALREADY KNEW THAT. WE ALREADY KNEW THAT. |
| 451 | I'M HAVING A SON. |
| 452 | UM... |
| 453 | YES! AND THAT WOULD BE A SHUT-DOWN. |
| 454 | SHUT-OUT! SHUT-OUT! |
| 455 | WHERE ARE YOU GUYS GOING? |
| 456 | COME ON, ONE MORE GAME. |
| 457 | IT'S 2:30 IN THE MORNING. |
| 458 | YEAH. GET OUT. |
| 459 | YOU GUYS ARE ALWAYS HANGING OUT IN MY APARTMENT. |
| 460 | COME ON, I'LL ONLY USE MY LEFT HAND, HUH? |
| 461 | COME ON, WUSSIES. |
| 462 | ALL RIGHT, OKAY, I GOT TO GO. |
| 463 | I'M GOING. |
| 464 | AND I'M GONE. |
| 465 | ONE MORE GAME? OH, YEAH. |
| 466 | |
| 1 | ( both screaming ) |
| 2 | I'M SORRY. |
| 3 | THAT IS IT! |
| 4 | YOU JUST BARGE IN HERE. |
| 5 | YOU DON'T KNOCK. |
| 6 | RACHEL, WAIT. |
| 7 | NO! YOU WAIT! |
| 8 | CAN I JUST SAY ONE THING? |
| 9 | WHAT?! WHAT?! |
| 10 | THAT'S A RELATIVELY OPEN WEAVE |
| 11 | AND I CAN STILL SEE YOUR... |
| 12 | NIPPULAR AREA. |
| 13 | OH! |
| 14 | I'M SORRY. |
| 15 | I COULD. |
| 16 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 17 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 18 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 19 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 20 | ♪ AND IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY ♪ |
| 21 | ♪ YOUR WEEK, YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 22 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 23 | ♪ WHEN THE RAIN STARTS TO FALL ♪ |
| 24 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 25 | ♪ LIKE I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE ♪ |
| 26 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 27 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME TOO. ♪ |
| 28 | TELL THEM THE STORY ABOUT YOUR PATIENT |
| 29 | WHO THINKS THINGS ARE LIKE OTHER THINGS |
| 30 | YOU KNOW? |
| 31 | LIKE WHEN THE PHONE RINGS AND SHE TAKES A SHOWER. |
| 32 | THAT'S PRETTY MUCH IT. |
| 33 | OOPS. |
| 34 | BUT YOU TELL IT REALLY WELL, SWEETIE. |
| 35 | THANKS. |
| 36 | OKAY. |
| 37 | NOW GO AWAY SO WE CAN TALK ABOUT YOU. |
| 38 | OKAY. I'LL MISS YOU. |
| 39 | ISN'T HE GREAT? |
| 40 | HE'S SO CUTE. |
| 41 | HE SEEMS TO LIKE YOU SO MUCH. |
| 42 | I KNOW. I KNOW. |
| 43 | HE'S SO SWEET, OH, AND SO COMPLICATED, YOU KNOW. |
| 44 | AND FOR A SHRINK, HE'S NOT TOO SHRINKY. |
| 45 | SO YOU THINK YOU'LL DO IT ON HIS COUCH? |
| 46 | I DON'T KNOW. |
| 47 | I DON'T KNOW. |
| 48 | I THINK THAT'S A LITTLE WEIRD. |
| 49 | IT'S VINYL. |
| 50 | OKAY. YOU GUYS WANT ANYTHING ELSE? |
| 51 | COULD I HAVE..? |
| 52 | NO. WE'RE ALL OUT OF THOSE. |
| 53 | ANYBODY ELSE? |
| 54 | DID IT MISS SOMETHING BETWEEN..? |
| 55 | NO. SHE'S STILL UPSET BECAUSE I SAW HER BOOBIES. |
| 56 | WHAT WERE YOU DOING SEEING HER BOOBIES? |
| 57 | IT WAS AN ACCIDENT. |
| 58 | I WASN'T ACROSS THE STREET WITH A TELESCOPE AND DOUGHNUTS. |
| 59 | Rachel: OKAY, OKAY. |
| 60 | COULD WE CHANGE THE SUBJECT, PLEASE? |
| 61 | YEAH. 'CAUSE, HELLO, THESE ARE NOT HER BOOBIES. |
| 62 | THESE ARE HER BREASTS. |
| 63 | OKAY, PHEEBS. |
| 64 | I WAS HOPING FOR MORE OF A CHANGE. |
| 65 | I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU'RE SO EMBARRASSED. |
| 66 | THEY WERE VERY NICE BOOBIES. |
| 67 | NICE? |
| 68 | THEY WERE NICE? |
| 69 | I MEAN, THAT'S IT. |
| 70 | I MEAN, MITTENS ARE NICE. |
| 71 | OKAY. |
| 72 | ROCK. |
| 73 | HARD PLACE. |
| 74 | ME. |
| 75 | ( Roger laughing ) |
| 76 | YOU'RE... YOU'RE... |
| 77 | YOU'RE SO FUNNY. |
| 78 | HE'S REALLY FUNNY. |
| 79 | OF COURSE, I WOULDN'T WANT TO BE THERE |
| 80 | WHEN THE LAUGHTER STOPS. |
| 81 | WHOA, WHOA. BACK UP THERE, SPARKY. |
| 82 | WHAT DID YOU MEAN BY THAT? |
| 83 | IT JUST SEEMS AS THOUGH |
| 84 | THAT MAYBE YOU HAVE INTIMACY ISSUES-- |
| 85 | THAT YOU USE YOUR HUMOR |
| 86 | AS A WAY OF KEEPING |
| 87 | PEOPLE AT A DISTANCE. |
| 88 | HUH. |
| 89 | I JUST MET YOU. I DON'T KNOW YOU FROM ADAM. |
| 90 | ONLY CHILD, RIGHT? |
| 91 | PARENTS DIVORCED BEFORE YOU HIT PUBERTY. |
| 92 | UH-HUH. |
| 93 | HOW DID YOU KNOW THAT? |
| 94 | IT'S TEXTBOOK. |
| 95 | HEY, YOU GUYS. |
| 96 | YOU ALL KNOW MY DAD. |
| 97 | HEY, HOW LONG YOU IN THE CITY? |
| 98 | A COUPLE OF DAYS. I GOT A JOB MIDTOWN. |
| 99 | STAYING WITH THE KID IS BETTER |
| 100 | THAN HAULING MY ASS BACK AND FORTH ON A FERRY. |
| 101 | I DON'T KNOW THIS ONE. |
| 102 | OH. THIS IS MY FRIEND ROGER. |
| 103 | HI. |
| 104 | HEY, GOOD TO MEET YOU, ROGER. |
| 105 | WHAT HAPPENED TO THE PUPPET GUY? |
| 106 | DAD. |
| 107 | OH, OH. EXCUSE ME. |
| 108 | SO, ROSS, HOW'S THE WIFE? |
| 109 | ( moans ) |
| 110 | "O" FOR TWO, HUH? |
| 111 | CHANDLER, QUICK, SAY SOMETHING FUNNY. |
| 112 | I GOT TO GO. |
| 113 | MISS YOU TOO. |
| 114 | I LOVE YOU, BUT IT'S GETTING REAL LATE. |
| 115 | LET ME SAY HI. |
| 116 | HEY, MA, LISTEN. |
| 117 | I MADE THE APPOINTMENT WITH DR. BOZITA AND... |
| 118 | EXCUSE ME. |
| 119 | DID YOU KNOW THIS ISN'T MA? |
| 120 | HER NAME'S RONNI. |
| 121 | SHE'S A PET MORTICIAN. |
| 122 | SURE. |
| 123 | SO HOW LONG YOU BEEN..? |
| 124 | REMEMBER WHEN YOU WERE LITTLE |
| 125 | I USED TO TAKE YOU TO THE NAVY YARD? |
| 126 | SINCE THEN? |
| 127 | NO. IT'S ONLY BEEN SIX YEARS. |
| 128 | I JUST WANTED TO PUT A NICE MEMORY IN YOUR HEAD |
| 129 | SO YOU'D KNOW I WASN'T ALWAYS |
| 130 | SUCH A TERRIBLE GUY. |
| 131 | JOE, YOU EVER BEEN IN LOVE? |
| 132 | I DON'T KNOW. |
| 133 | THEN YOU HAVEN'T. |
| 134 | YOU'RE BURNING YOUR TOMATOES. |
| 135 | YOU'RE ONE TO TALK. |
| 136 | JOE, YOUR DAD'S IN LOVE BIG TIME |
| 137 | AND THE WORST PART OF IT IS |
| 138 | IT'S WITH TWO DIFFERENT WOMEN. |
| 139 | OH, MAN, PLEASE TELL ME ONE OF THEM IS MA. |
| 140 | OF COURSE. |
| 141 | OF COURSE ONE OF THEM'S MA. |
| 142 | WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU? |
| 143 | IT'S LIKE IF YOU WOKE UP ONE DAY |
| 144 | AND FOUND OUT YOUR DAD WAS LEADING THIS DOUBLE LIFE. |
| 145 | HE'S, LIKE, ACTUALLY SOME SPY WORKING FOR THE C.I.A. |
| 146 | THAT WOULD BE COOL. |
| 147 | THIS BLOWS. |
| 148 | YEAH. I KNOW. |
| 149 | WHY CAN'T PARENTS JUST STAY PARENTS? |
| 150 | WHY DO THEY HAVE TO BECOME PEOPLE? |
| 151 | WHY DO THEY HAVE..? |
| 152 | WHY... |
| 153 | CAN'T YOU STOP STARING AT MY BREASTS? |
| 154 | WHAT? |
| 155 | WHAT? |
| 156 | DID YOU NOT GET |
| 157 | A GOOD ENOUGH LOOK THE OTHER DAY? |
| 158 | ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. |
| 159 | WE'RE ALL ADULTS HERE. |
| 160 | THERE'S ONLY ONE WAY TO RESOLVE THIS. |
| 161 | SINCE YOU SAW HER BOOBIES |
| 162 | I THINK YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE |
| 163 | TO SHOW HER YOUR PEE-PEE. |
| 164 | YOU KNOW, I DON'T SEE THAT HAPPENING. |
| 165 | COME ON. HE'S RIGHT. |
| 166 | TIT FOR TAT. |
| 167 | WELL, I'M NOT SHOWING YOU MY TAT. |
| 168 | ( intercom buzzing ) |
| 169 | HELLO. |
| 170 | It's Phoebe. |
| 171 | Rog: And Rog. |
| 172 | COME ON UP. |
| 173 | OH, GOOD. |
| 174 | ROG IS HERE. |
| 175 | WHAT'S WRONG WITH ROG? |
| 176 | AH, IT'S NOTHING. |
| 177 | IT'S A LITTLE THING. |
| 178 | I HATE THAT GUY. |
| 179 | SO HE WAS A LITTLE ANALYTICAL. |
| 180 | THAT'S WHAT HE DOES. |
| 181 | COME ON. HE'S NOT THAT BAD. |
| 182 | THAT'S WHERE YOU'RE WRONG. |
| 183 | WHY WOULD I MARRY HER |
| 184 | IF I THOUGHT ON ANY LEVEL THAT SHE WAS A LESBIAN? |
| 185 | I DON'T KNOW. |
| 186 | MAYBE YOU WANTED YOUR MARRIAGE TO FAIL. |
| 187 | WHY? |
| 188 | WHY WOULD I? |
| 189 | WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? |
| 190 | I DON'T KNOW. |
| 191 | MAYBE... |
| 192 | MAYBE LOW SELF-ESTEEM. |
| 193 | MAYBE TO COMPENSATE FOR OVERSHADOWING A SIBLING. |
| 194 | WAIT. GO BACK TO THAT SIBLING THING. |
| 195 | WELL, I DON'T KNOW. |
| 196 | IT'S CONCEIVABLE |
| 197 | THAT YOU WANTED TO SABOTAGE YOUR MARRIAGE |
| 198 | SO THAT THE SIBLING WOULD FEEL LIKE |
| 199 | LESS OF A FAILURE IN THE EYES OF THE PARENTS. |
| 200 | ( squeaks in disbelief ) |
| 201 | THAT'S... THAT'S RIDICULOUS. |
| 202 | I DON'T FEEL GUILTY FOR HER FAILURES. |
| 203 | SO YOU THINK I'M A FAILURE. |
| 204 | ISN'T HE GOOD? |
| 205 | YEAH. |
| 206 | NO, NO, THAT'S NOT WHAT I WAS SAYING. |
| 207 | I THOUGHT YOU WERE ON MY SIDE |
| 208 | BUT MAYBE YOU SUCKED UP TO MOM AND DAD |
| 209 | SO THEY'D KEEP LIKING YOU BETTER. |
| 210 | I MARRIED A LESBIAN TO MAKE YOU LOOK GOOD! |
| 211 | ( voice quavering ): YOU'RE RIGHT. |
| 212 | I MEAN, YOU'RE RIGHT. |
| 213 | IT WASN'T JUST THE WEEBLES |
| 214 | BUT IT WAS THE WEEBLE PLAY PALACE |
| 215 | AND... |
| 216 | AND THE WEEBLES CRUISE SHIP-- |
| 217 | OH, WHICH HAD THIS LITTLE LIFEBOAT |
| 218 | FOR THE WEEBLES TO WOBBLE IN. |
| 219 | THAT'S TOUGH, TOUGH STUFF. |
| 220 | IF WE'RE GOING TO THAT MOVIE, WE GOT TO GO. |
| 221 | OKAY. FEEL BETTER, RACHEL, OKAY? |
| 222 | PHEEBS, WE'RE GOING TO BE LATE. |
| 223 | LISTEN, THANKS FOR EVERYTHING, MON. |
| 224 | NO PROBLEM. |
| 225 | LISTEN, GUYS, IT WAS GREAT SEEING YOU AGAIN. |
| 226 | YEAH. |
| 227 | MON, EASY ON THOSE COOKIES, OKAY? |
| 228 | REMEMBER, THEY'RE JUST FOOD. |
| 229 | THEY'RE NOT LOVE. |
| 230 | I HATE THAT GUY. |
| 231 | Joey: GOOD NIGHT, YOU GUYS. |
| 232 | OH, LOOK. |
| 233 | IT'S THE WOMAN WE ORDERED. |
| 234 | HEY. CAN WE HELP YOU? |
| 235 | AW, NO, THANKS. |
| 236 | I'M JUST WAITING FOR JOEY TRIBBIANI. |
| 237 | I'M JOEY TRIBBIANI. |
| 238 | OH, NO, NOT YOU. |
| 239 | BIG JOEY. |
| 240 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 241 | YOU'RE SO MUCH CUTER THAN YOUR PICTURES. |
| 242 | I'M RONNI. |
| 243 | CHEESE NIP. |
| 244 | UH... JOEY'S HAVING AN EMBOLISM |
| 245 | BUT I'D GO FOR A NIP. |
| 246 | YOU SEE, MOST PEOPLE, WHEN THEIR PETS PASS ON |
| 247 | THEY WANT THEM LAID OUT LIKE THEY'RE SLEEPING. |
| 248 | OCCASIONALLY, YOU GET YOUR PERSON WHO WANTS THEM IN A POSE |
| 249 | LIKE, AH, CHASING THEIR TAIL... |
| 250 | OR JUMPING TO CATCH A FRISBEE. |
| 251 | JOEY, IF I GO FIRST |
| 252 | I WANT TO BE LOOKING FOR MY KEYS. |
| 253 | THAT'S A GOOD ONE. |
| 254 | HEY, JOE. |
| 255 | DAD. RONNI'S HERE. |
| 256 | HUH? |
| 257 | HI. |
| 258 | HEY. |
| 259 | HELLO, BABE. |
| 260 | WHAT ARE... |
| 261 | WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? |
| 262 | WELL, YOU LEFT YOUR GOOD HAIR AT MY APARTMENT. |
| 263 | I FIGURED YOU'D NEED IT TOMORROW FOR YOUR MEETING. |
| 264 | THANK YOU. |
| 265 | SO, WHO'S UP FOR A BIG GAME OF KERPLUNK? |
| 266 | LOOK, I, UH... I SHOULDN'T HAVE COME. |
| 267 | I BETTER GET GOING. |
| 268 | I DON'T WANT TO MISS THE LAST TRAIN. |
| 269 | I DON'T WANT |
| 270 | YOU TAKING THAT THING THIS LATE. |
| 271 | DO I STAY HERE? |
| 272 | WHOA-HO. |
| 273 | WE'LL GO TO A HOTEL. |
| 274 | WE'LL GO TO A HOTEL. |
| 275 | NO, YOU WON'T. |
| 276 | NO, WE WON'T. |
| 277 | IF YOU GO TO A HOTEL |
| 278 | YOU'LL BE... DOING STUFF. |
| 279 | I WANT YOU HERE |
| 280 | WHERE I CAN KEEP AN EYE ON YOU. |
| 281 | YOU'RE GOING TO KEEP AN EYE ON US? |
| 282 | THAT'S RIGHT, AND I DON'T CARE HOW OLD YOU ARE. |
| 283 | AS LONG AS YOU'RE UNDER MY ROOF |
| 284 | YOU'RE GOING TO LIVE BY MY RULES. |
| 285 | AND THAT MEANS NO SLEEPING WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND. |
| 286 | WOW. HE'S STRICT. |
| 287 | NOW, DAD, YOU'LL BE IN MY ROOM. |
| 288 | RONNI, YOU CAN STAY IN CHANDLER'S ROOM. |
| 289 | THANKS. YOU'RE, UH... YOU'RE A GOOD KID. |
| 290 | COME ON. |
| 291 | I'LL SHOW YOU TO MY ROOM. |
| 292 | THAT SOUNDS SO WEIRD WHEN IT'S NOT FOLLOWED BY |
| 293 | "NO, THANKS. IT'S LATE." |
| 294 | OKAY, NOW THIS IS JUST FOR TONIGHT. |
| 295 | TOMORROW, YOU GOT TO MAKE A CHANGE. |
| 296 | SIX YEARS IS LONG ENOUGH. |
| 297 | WHAT CHANGE? |
| 298 | BREAK IT OFF WITH RONNI... |
| 299 | I CAN'T. |
| 300 | THEN YOU GOT TO TELL MA. |
| 301 | THIS IS NOT RIGHT. |
| 302 | BUT... |
| 303 | I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT. |
| 304 | NOW GO TO MY ROOM. |
| 305 | HEY, KICKY... |
| 306 | WHAT ARE YOU DOING? |
| 307 | JUST TRYING TO GET COMFORTABLE. |
| 308 | I CAN'T SLEEP IN MY UNDERWEAR. |
| 309 | WELL, YOU'RE GONNA. |
| 310 | I'VE BEEN THINKING. |
| 311 | YOU KNOW, ABOUT HOW I'M ALWAYS SEEING |
| 312 | GIRLS ON TOP OF GIRLS. |
| 313 | ARE THEY END-TO-END OR TALL LIKE PANCAKES? |
| 314 | YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. |
| 315 | I'M ALWAYS GOING OUT WITH ALL THESE WOMEN. |
| 316 | I ALWAYS FIGURED WHEN THE RIGHT ONE COMES ALONG |
| 317 | I'D BE A STAND-UP GUY AND GO THE DISTANCE. |
| 318 | NOW I'M LOOKING AT MY DAD THINKING... |
| 319 | YOU'RE YOU. |
| 320 | WHEN THEY WERE ALL OVER YOU |
| 321 | TO GO INTO YOUR FATHER'S PIPE- FITTING BUSINESS, DID YOU CAVE? |
| 322 | NO. |
| 323 | NO. YOU DECIDED TO GO INTO THE OUT-OF-WORK ACTOR BUSINESS |
| 324 | AND THAT WASN'T EASY, BUT YOU DID IT |
| 325 | AND I'D LIKE TO BELIEVE THAT WHEN |
| 326 | THE RIGHT WOMAN COMES ALONG, YOU WILL HAVE THE COURAGE |
| 327 | AND THE GUTS TO SAY, "NO, THANKS. I'M MARRIED." |
| 328 | YOU REALLY THINK SO? |
| 329 | YEAH, I REALLY DO. |
| 330 | THANKS, CHANDLER. |
| 331 | GET OFF. |
| 332 | ( knocking ) |
| 333 | HI. HI. |
| 334 | MAY I HELP YOU? |
| 335 | YEAH. JOEY SAID I COULD USE YOUR SHOWER |
| 336 | SINCE CHANDLER'S IN OURS. |
| 337 | OKAY... WHO ARE YOU? |
| 338 | OH! I'M RONNI. |
| 339 | RONNI RAPPELANO. |
| 340 | THE MISTRESS. |
| 341 | UM, COME ON IN. |
| 342 | OH, THANKS. |
| 343 | I'M RACHEL. HI. |
| 344 | BATHROOM'S UP THERE. |
| 345 | HOW LONG WOULD YOU SAY CHANDLER'S BEEN IN THE SHOWER? |
| 346 | OH, LIKE, UH, FIVE MINUTES. |
| 347 | ( under breath ): PERFECT. |
| 348 | FASTEN YOUR SEAT BELTS. |
| 349 | IT'S PEE-PEE TIME. |
| 350 | HEY, MR. TRIB. |
| 351 | HEY. GOOD MORNING, DEAR. |
| 352 | CHANDLER BING, IT'S TIME TO SEE YOUR THING. |
| 353 | ( both scream ) |
| 354 | Joey: WHAT'S THE MATTER |
| 355 | WITH YOU?! |
| 356 | I THOUGHT IT WAS CHANDLER! |
| 357 | YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE IN THERE |
| 358 | SO I COULD SEE YOUR THING! |
| 359 | SORRY. MY THING WAS IN THERE WITH ME. |
| 360 | HEY, PHEEBS. HEY, PHEEBS. |
| 361 | HOW'S IT GOING? |
| 362 | GOOD. ROGER'S HAVING A DINNER THING |
| 363 | AND HE WANTED ME TO INVITE YOU GUYS. |
| 364 | ( faint laugh ) |
| 365 | SO WHAT'S GOING ON? |
| 366 | NOTHING. IT'S, UM... |
| 367 | IT'S JUST, UH... |
| 368 | IT'S ROGER. |
| 369 | UM... |
| 370 | THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT... |
| 371 | BASICALLY, WE JUST FEEL THAT HE'S, UH... |
| 372 | WE HATE THAT GUY. |
| 373 | WE HATE HIM. |
| 374 | WE'RE SORRY, PHEEBS. |
| 375 | UH-HUH, OKAY. |
| 376 | DON'T YOU THINK MAYBE, THOUGH, THAT IT'S JUST |
| 377 | THAT HE'S SO PERCEPTIVE THAT IT FREAKED YOU OUT? |
| 378 | All: NO, WE HATE HIM. |
| 379 | I'M SORRY. |
| 380 | ( knocking ) |
| 381 | MA! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? |
| 382 | I CAME TO GIVE YOU THIS |
| 383 | AND THIS! |
| 384 | OW! BIG RING. |
| 385 | WHY DID YOU FILL YOUR FATHER'S HEAD |
| 386 | WITH ALL THAT GARBAGE ABOUT MAKING THINGS RIGHT? |
| 387 | THINGS WERE FINE |
| 388 | THE WAY THEY WERE. |
| 389 | THERE'S CHICKEN IN THERE. |
| 390 | PUT IT AWAY. |
| 391 | FOR GOD'S SAKE, JOEY. |
| 392 | REALLY! |
| 393 | HOLD ON. |
| 394 | YOU KNEW? |
| 395 | OF COURSE I KNEW! |
| 396 | WHAT DO YOU THINK? |
| 397 | YOUR FATHER IS NO JAMES BOND. |
| 398 | YOU SHOULD HAVE HEARD SOME OF HIS COVER STORIES. |
| 399 | "I'M SLEEPING OVER AT MY ACCOUNTANT'S." |
| 400 | I MEAN, WHAT IS THAT? |
| 401 | PLEASE! |
| 402 | SO, THEN, HOW COULD YOU..? |
| 403 | DO YOU REMEMBER HOW YOUR FATHER USED TO BE? |
| 404 | ALWAYS YELLING. ALWAYS YELLING. |
| 405 | NOTHING MADE HIM HAPPY. |
| 406 | NOTHING MADE HIM HAPPY, NOTHING. |
| 407 | NOT THAT WOOD SHOP |
| 408 | NOT THOSE STUPID LITTLE SHIPS IN THE BOTTLE-- |
| 409 | NOTHING. NOW HE'S HAPPY. |
| 410 | IT'S NICE. HE HAS A HOBBY. |
| 411 | MA, I DON'T MEAN TO BE DISRESPECTFUL, BUT... |
| 412 | WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? |
| 413 | WHAT ABOUT YOU? |
| 414 | ME? I'M FINE. |
| 415 | LOOK, HONEY... |
| 416 | IN AN IDEAL WORLD, THERE'D BE NO HER |
| 417 | AND YOUR FATHER WOULD LOOK LIKE STING. |
| 418 | AND I'LL TELL YOU SOMETHING ELSE-- |
| 419 | EVER SINCE THAT POODLE STUFFER CAME ALONG |
| 420 | HE'S BEEN SO ASHAMED OF HIMSELF |
| 421 | THAT HE'S BEEN MORE ATTENTIVE. |
| 422 | HE'S BEEN MORE LOVING. |
| 423 | IT'S LIKE EVERY DAY'S OUR ANNIVERSARY. |
| 424 | I'M... HAPPY FOR YOU? |
| 425 | WELL, DON'T BE. |
| 426 | BECAUSE NOW EVERYTHING'S SCREWED UP. |
| 427 | I JUST WANT IT THE WAY IT WAS. |
| 428 | MA, I'M SORRY. |
| 429 | I... I JUST DID WHAT I THOUGHT YOU'D WANT. |
| 430 | I KNOW YOU DID, COOKIE. |
| 431 | OH, I KNOW YOU DID. |
| 432 | SO TELL ME... |
| 433 | DID YOU SEE HER? |
| 434 | YEAH. |
| 435 | HMM. |
| 436 | YOU'RE TEN TIMES PRETTIER THAN SHE IS. |
| 437 | THAT'S SWEET. |
| 438 | COULD I TAKE HER? |
| 439 | HUH... WITH THIS RING? |
| 440 | NO CONTEST. |
| 441 | Roger: WHAT'S WRONG, SWEETIE? |
| 442 | NOTHING. NOTHING. |
| 443 | WHAT'S WRONG? COME ON. |
| 444 | OH, OKAY. |
| 445 | I MEAN, IT'S NOTHING. |
| 446 | I'M FINE. |
| 447 | IT'S JUST, UM... IT'S MY FRIENDS. |
| 448 | THEY HAVE A LIKING PROBLEM WITH YOU |
| 449 | IN THAT, UM, THEY DON'T. |
| 450 | OH. THEY DON'T? |
| 451 | BUT, YOU KNOW, THEY DON'T SEE |
| 452 | ALL THE WONDERFULNESS THAT I SEE. |
| 453 | THEY DON'T SEE ALL THE GOOD STUFF |
| 454 | AND ALL THE SWEET STUFF. |
| 455 | THEY THINK YOU'RE A LITTLE... |
| 456 | WHAT? |
| 457 | INTENSE AND CREEPY. |
| 458 | OH. |
| 459 | BUT I DON'T. |
| 460 | ME, PHOEBE. |
| 461 | WELL, I'M NOT AT ALL SURPRISED |
| 462 | THEY FEEL THAT WAY. |
| 463 | YOU'RE NOT? SEE, THAT'S WHY YOU'RE SO GREAT. |
| 464 | ACTUALLY, IT'S QUITE TYPICAL BEHAVIOR WHEN YOU HAVE |
| 465 | THIS KIND OF DYSFUNCTIONAL GROUP DYNAMIC. |
| 466 | YOU KNOW, THIS KIND OF CO- DEPENDENT, EMOTIONALLY STUNTED |
| 467 | SITTING IN YOUR STUPID COFFEE HOUSE |
| 468 | WITH YOUR STUPID BIG CUPS |
| 469 | WHICH, I'M SORRY, MIGHT AS WELL HAVE NIPPLES ON THEM |
| 470 | AND YOU'RE ALL, LIKE |
| 471 | ( whining ): "OH, DEFINE ME! |
| 472 | "DEFINE ME! |
| 473 | LOVE ME! I NEED LOVE!" |
| 474 | SO YOU TALKED TO YOUR DAD, HUH? |
| 475 | HE'S GOING TO KEEP CHEATING ON MY MA LIKE SHE WANTED |
| 476 | MY MA'S GOING TO KEEP PRETENDING SHE DOESN'T KNOW |
| 477 | AND MY LITTLE SISTER, TINA, CAN'T SEE HER HUSBAND |
| 478 | 'CAUSE HE GOT A RESTRAINING ORDER. |
| 479 | WHICH HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ANYTHING |
| 480 | EXCEPT THAT I FOUND OUT TODAY. |
| 481 | THINGS SURE HAVE CHANGED |
| 482 | HERE ON WALTON'S MOUNTAIN. |
| 483 | SO, JOE, ARE YOU OKAY? |
| 484 | YEAH, I GUESS. |
| 485 | IT'S JUST... YOU KNOW, THEY'RE PARENTS. |
| 486 | AFTER A CERTAIN POINT, YOU GOT TO LET GO |
| 487 | EVEN IF YOU KNOW BETTER |
| 488 | YOU GOT TO LET THEM MAKE THEIR OWN MISTAKES. |
| 489 | AND JUST THINK, IN A COUPLE OF YEARS |
| 490 | WE GET TO TURN INTO THEM. |
| 491 | IF I TURN INTO MY PARENTS, I'LL EITHER BE |
| 492 | AN ALCOHOLIC BLONDE CHASING AFTER 20-YEAR-OLD BOYS OR... |
| 493 | I'LL END UP LIKE MY MOM. |
| 494 | HEY. |
| 495 | All: HEY, PHEEBS. |
| 496 | HOW'S IT GOING? |
| 497 | OH, OKAY, EXCEPT I BROKE UP WITH ROGER. |
| 498 | All: OH. |
| 499 | YEAH, RIGHT. |
| 500 | NO, NO, NO. REALLY. |
| 501 | WHAT HAPPENED? |
| 502 | I DON'T KNOW. |
| 503 | I MEAN, HE'S A GOOD PERSON AND HE CAN BE REALLY SWEET |
| 504 | AND IN SOME WAYS, I THINK HE IS SO RIGHT FOR ME. |
| 505 | IT'S JUST... I HATE THAT GUY. |
| 506 | HI, JOEY. |
| 507 | WHAT'S GOING ON? |
| 508 | CLEAR THE TRACKS |
| 509 | FOR THE BOOBIE PAYBACK EXPRESS. |
| 510 | NEXT STOP: RACHEL GREEN. |
| 511 | ( both scream ) |
| 512 | JOEY, WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU DOING?! |
| 513 | SORRY. WRONG BOOBIES. |
| 514 | HELLO, JOEY. |
| 515 | HUH? HELLO, DEAR. |
| 516 | |
| 1 | I'M TELLING YOU, ROSS, SHE WANTS YOU. |
| 2 | SHE BARELY KNOWS ME. |
| 3 | WE LIVE IN THE SAME BUILDING. |
| 4 | ANY CONTACT? |
| 5 | SHE LENT ME AN EGG ONCE. |
| 6 | YOU'RE IN. |
| 7 | OH, RIGHT. |
| 8 | HI, ROSS. |
| 9 | HI, K-K-K... |
| 10 | ( splutters ) |
| 11 | COME ON, ROSS. |
| 12 | YOU GET TO GET BACK IN THE GAME HERE. |
| 13 | RACHEL'S NOT HAPPENING |
| 14 | AND YOUR EX-WIFE'S A LESBIAN. |
| 15 | I DON'T THINK WE NEED A THIRD. |
| 16 | EXCUSE ME, COULD WE GET AN EGG OVER HERE |
| 17 | STILL IN THE SHELL. |
| 18 | AN EGG? |
| 19 | YEAH. YOU'RE GOING TO GO UP TO HER AND SAY |
| 20 | "HERE'S YOUR EGG BACK. |
| 21 | I'M RETURNING YOUR EGG." |
| 22 | I THINK IT'S WINNING. |
| 23 | I THINK IT'S INSANE. |
| 24 | SHE'LL LOVE IT. |
| 25 | THANK YOU. |
| 26 | THANK YOU. |
| 27 | HERE. |
| 28 | ( stammering ) |
| 29 | GO WITH THE EGG, MY FRIEND. |
| 30 | GO, GO, GO, GO, GO, GO. |
| 31 | IS IT GOING TO WORK? |
| 32 | NO WAY. IT'S SUICIDE. |
| 33 | THE MAN'S GOT AN EGG. |
| 34 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 35 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 36 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 37 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 38 | ♪ AND IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY ♪ |
| 39 | ♪ YOUR WEEK, YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 40 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 41 | ♪ WHEN THE RAIN STARTS TO FALL ♪ |
| 42 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 43 | ♪ LIKE I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE ♪ |
| 44 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 45 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME TOO. ♪ |
| 46 | YOU CANNOT DO THIS. |
| 47 | WHAT? DO WHAT? |
| 48 | ROGER WANTS TO TAKE HER OUT |
| 49 | TOMORROW NIGHT. |
| 50 | DON'T YOU REMEMBER WHY YOU DUMPED HIM? |
| 51 | 'CAUSE HE WAS CREEPY. |
| 52 | AND MEAN, AND A LITTLE FRIGHTENING. |
| 53 | STILL, IT'S NICE TO HAVE A DATE ON VALENTINE'S DAY. |
| 54 | PHOEBE, YOU CAN GO OUT WITH A CREEPY GUY |
| 55 | ANY NIGHT OF THE YEAR. |
| 56 | I KNOW I DO. |
| 57 | HI. |
| 58 | HI. HI. |
| 59 | WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING TOMORROW NIGHT? |
| 60 | TOMORROW NIGHT DEPENDS ON HOW TONIGHT GOES. |
| 61 | OH, LISTEN, ABOUT TONIGHT... |
| 62 | DON'T YOU DARE |
| 63 | BAIL ON ME. |
| 64 | SHE'S GOING OUT WITH ME |
| 65 | BECAUSE I'M BRINGING A FRIEND FOR HER FRIEND. |
| 66 | BUT HER FRIEND SOUNDS LIKE SUCH A... |
| 67 | PATHETIC MESS. |
| 68 | I KNOW. |
| 69 | COME ON, MAN. |
| 70 | SHE'S NEEDY, SHE'S VULNERABLE. |
| 71 | I'M THINKING... CHA-CHING. |
| 72 | THANKS. |
| 73 | YOU HAVE NOT BEEN OUT WITH A WOMAN SINCE JANICE. |
| 74 | YOU'RE DOING THIS. |
| 75 | HI. |
| 76 | HI. HI. |
| 77 | SHE SAID YES. |
| 78 | YES! |
| 79 | WAY TO GO, MAN! |
| 80 | ( cracking sound ) |
| 81 | STILL GOT THE EGG, HUH? |
| 82 | YEAH. |
| 83 | HOW DO I LOOK? |
| 84 | UM... I DON'T CARE. |
| 85 | THERE'S LORRAINE. |
| 86 | OKAY, NOW REMEMBER-- |
| 87 | NO TRADING. |
| 88 | YOU GET THE PRETTY ONE, I GET THE MESS. |
| 89 | HI, JOEY. |
| 90 | HEY. |
| 91 | WELL, WELL, LOOK WHAT YOU BROUGHT. |
| 92 | VERY NICE. |
| 93 | AND WHAT DID YOU BRING? |
| 94 | SHE'S CHECKING HER COAT. |
| 95 | JOEY, I'M GOING TO GO WASH THE CAB SMELL OFF MY HANDS. |
| 96 | WILL YOU GET ME A WHITE ZINFANDEL |
| 97 | AND A GLASS OF RED FOR JANICE. |
| 98 | JANICE? |
| 99 | NO. |
| 100 | JANICE? |
| 101 | OH... MY... GOD. |
| 102 | HEY, IT'S JANICE. |
| 103 | OKAY, I'M MAKING A BREAK FOR IT. |
| 104 | I'M GOING OUT THE WINDOW. |
| 105 | NO, NO, DON'T. |
| 106 | PLEASE, I'VE BEEN WAITING FOREVER |
| 107 | TO GO OUT WITH LORRAINE. |
| 108 | JUST CALM DOWN. |
| 109 | CALM DOWN? |
| 110 | YOU SET ME UP WITH A WOMAN I DUMPED TWICE |
| 111 | IN THE LAST FIVE MONTHS! |
| 112 | HEY, CAN YOU STOP YELLING? |
| 113 | YOU'RE MAKING ME NERVOUS AND... |
| 114 | I CAN'T GO WHEN I'M NERVOUS. |
| 115 | I'M SORRY, I'M SORRY. YOU'RE RIGHT. |
| 116 | COME ON! GO! GO! GO! |
| 117 | COME ON! |
| 118 | OKAY, ROGER WAS CREEPY |
| 119 | BUT HE WAS NOTHING |
| 120 | COMPARED TO PETE CARNEY. |
| 121 | WHICH ONE WAS PETE CARNEY? |
| 122 | PETE THE WEEPER? |
| 123 | REMEMBER THE GUY THAT USED TO CRY |
| 124 | EVERY TIME WE HAD SEX? |
| 125 | ( crying ): WAS IT GOOD FOR YOU? |
| 126 | YEAH, WELL, I'D TAKE A LITTLE CRYING ANY DAY |
| 127 | OVER HOWARD THE "I WIN" GUY. |
| 128 | I WIN! I WIN! |
| 129 | I WENT OUT |
| 130 | WITH THE GUY FOR TWO MONTHS. |
| 131 | I DIDN'T GET TO WIN ONCE. |
| 132 | HOW DO WE END UP WITH THESE JERKS? |
| 133 | WE'RE GOOD PEOPLE. |
| 134 | I DON'T KNOW. |
| 135 | MAYBE WE'RE LIKE SOME KIND OF MAGNETS. |
| 136 | I KNOW I AM. |
| 137 | THAT'S WHY I CAN'T WEAR A DIGITAL WATCH. |
| 138 | THERE'S MORE BEER, RIGHT? |
| 139 | OH! YOU KNOW MY FRIEND ABBY WHO SHAVES HER HEAD? |
| 140 | SHE SAYS THAT IF YOU WANT TO BREAK |
| 141 | THE BAD BOYFRIEND CYCLE |
| 142 | YOU CAN DO, LIKE, A CLEANSING RITUAL. |
| 143 | PHEEBS, THIS WOMAN IS VOLUNTARILY BALD. |
| 144 | YEAH. SO... |
| 145 | WE CAN DO IT TOMORROW NIGHT, GUYS. |
| 146 | IT'S VALENTINE'S DAY. |
| 147 | IT'S PERFECT. |
| 148 | OKAY. WELL, WHAT KIND OF RITUAL? |
| 149 | OKAY. WE CAN BURN THE STUFF THEY GAVE US. |
| 150 | OR... |
| 151 | OR... OR WE CAN CHANT AND DANCE AROUND NAKED. |
| 152 | YOU KNOW, WITH STICKS. |
| 153 | BURNING'S GOOD. BURNING'S GOOD. |
| 154 | PLENTY OF STUFF TO BURN. |
| 155 | YOU KNOW... |
| 156 | EVER SINCE I WAS LITTLE |
| 157 | I'VE BEEN ABLE TO PICK UP QUARTERS |
| 158 | WITH MY TOES. |
| 159 | YEAH? |
| 160 | GOOD FOR YOU. |
| 161 | UH... QUARTERS OR ROLLS OF QUARTERS? |
| 162 | BY THE WAY, CHANDLER... |
| 163 | I CUT YOU OUT OF ALL MY PICTURES |
| 164 | SO IF YOU WANT, I HAVE A BAG WITH JUST YOUR HEADS. |
| 165 | THAT'S OKAY. |
| 166 | ARE YOU SURE? |
| 167 | BECAUSE YOU COULD MAKE LITTLE PUPPETS OUT OF THEM |
| 168 | AND YOU COULD USE THEM IN YOUR THEATER OF CRUELTY. |
| 169 | WE CAN'T DO THAT. |
| 170 | WHAT? WHAT CAN'T YOU DO? |
| 171 | UH... CAN I TALK TO YOU FOR A SECOND OVER THERE. |
| 172 | UH... WE MIGHT BE LEAVING NOW. |
| 173 | TELL ME IT'S "YOU AND ME" WE. |
| 174 | SHE SAID SHE WANTS TO SLATHER MY BODY WITH STUFF |
| 175 | AND THEN LICK IT OFF. |
| 176 | I'M NOT EVEN SURE WHAT SLATHERING IS. |
| 177 | BUT I DEFINITELY WANT TO BE A PART OF IT. |
| 178 | OKAY, YOU CANNOT DO THIS TO ME. |
| 179 | YOU'RE RIGHT. I'M SORRY. |
| 180 | YOU'RE RIGHT. |
| 181 | CAN WE HAVE THREE CHOCOLATE MOUSSES TO GO, PLEASE? |
| 182 | I'M OUT OF HERE. |
| 183 | LOOK... |
| 184 | HERE'S MY CREDIT CARD. |
| 185 | DINNER'S ON ME. |
| 186 | I'M SORRY, CHANDLER. |
| 187 | I HOPE SHE THROWS UP ON YOU. |
| 188 | THANKS. |
| 189 | SO... |
| 190 | JUST US. |
| 191 | OH, WHAT A CRAPPY NIGHT. |
| 192 | ALTHOUGH... I HAVE ENJOYED THE FACT |
| 193 | THAT YOUR SHIRT'S BEEN STICKING OUT |
| 194 | OF YOUR ZIPPER EVER SINCE YOU CAME BACK |
| 195 | FROM THE BATHROOM. |
| 196 | ( laughs ) |
| 197 | EXCUSE ME. |
| 198 | HOW YOU DOING? |
| 199 | SO... |
| 200 | DO WE HAVE THE BEST FRIENDS OR WHAT? |
| 201 | JOEY'S NOT A FRIEND. |
| 202 | HE'S... |
| 203 | A STUPID MAN WHO LEFT US HIS CREDIT CARD. |
| 204 | ANOTHER DRINK? SOME DESSERT? A BIG SCREEN TV? |
| 205 | I WILL GO FOR THAT DRINK. |
| 206 | YOU GOT IT. |
| 207 | GOOD WOMAN? |
| 208 | CAN WE GET A BOTTLE |
| 209 | OF YOUR MOST OVERPRICED CHAMPAGNE? |
| 210 | EACH. |
| 211 | THAT'S RIGHT, EACH. |
| 212 | OH, AND A ROB ROY. |
| 213 | I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO KNOW. |
| 214 | HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY. |
| 215 | OH, I MISS YOU ALREADY. |
| 216 | CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS HAPPENED? |
| 217 | NO... NO! |
| 218 | AND YET IT DID. |
| 219 | GOOD-BYE, JANICE. |
| 220 | KISS ME. |
| 221 | OH, CHANDLER, SORRY. |
| 222 | ( honeyed tones ): OH, CHANDLER, SORRY... |
| 223 | HEY, JANICE. |
| 224 | HI, MONICA. |
| 225 | OKAY, WELL, THIS WAS VERY SPECIAL. |
| 226 | RACH, COME SEE WHO'S OUT HERE. |
| 227 | WHAT'S GOING... |
| 228 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 229 | JANICE, HI. |
| 230 | HI. |
| 231 | JANICE IS GOING TO GO AWAY NOW. |
| 232 | I'LL BE RIGHT BACK. |
| 233 | OH... |
| 234 | JOEY, LOOK WHO IT IS. |
| 235 | WHOA. |
| 236 | OH, GOOD, JOEY'S HOME NOW. |
| 237 | THIS IS SO MUCH FUN. |
| 238 | THIS IS LIKE A REUNION IN THE HALL. |
| 239 | ( laughing nasally ) |
| 240 | OH, HI, ROSS. |
| 241 | THERE'S SOMEONE I WANT YOU TO SAY HI TO. |
| 242 | HE JUST HAPPENED TO CALL. |
| 243 | HELLO, ROSS. |
| 244 | YES, THAT'S RIGHT. |
| 245 | IT'S ME. |
| 246 | HOW DID YOU KNOW? |
| 247 | I'M JUST SAYING IF DOGS DO EXPERIENCE JET LAG |
| 248 | THEN BECAUSE OF THE WHOLE |
| 249 | "SEVEN DOG YEARS TO ONE HUMAN YEAR" THING |
| 250 | THAT WHEN A DOG FLIES FROM NEW YORK TO LOS ANGELES |
| 251 | HE DOESN'T JUST LOSE THREE HOURS |
| 252 | HE LOSES, LIKE, A WEEK AND A HALF. |
| 253 | THAT'S FUNNY. |
| 254 | YEAH. |
| 255 | WHO ARE THEY? |
| 256 | THE BLONDE IS MY EX-WIFE |
| 257 | AND THE WOMAN |
| 258 | TOUCHING HER IS HER |
| 259 | CLOSE, PERSONAL FRIEND. |
| 260 | YOU MEAN THEY'RE LOVERS? |
| 261 | IF YOU WANT TO PUT A LABEL ON IT. |
| 262 | WOW... |
| 263 | UH, ANYTHING ELSE I SHOULD KNOW? |
| 264 | NOPE, NOPE, THAT'S IT. |
| 265 | OH, AND SHE'S PREGNANT WITH MY BABY. |
| 266 | I ALWAYS FORGET THAT PART. |
| 267 | HELLOOO... |
| 268 | Phoebe: OKAY, SO NOW WE NEED SAGE BRANCHES |
| 269 | AND THE SACRAMENTAL WINE. |
| 270 | ALL I HAD IS OREGANO AND A FRESCA. |
| 271 | UM... THAT'S OKAY. |
| 272 | OOH... |
| 273 | OKAY. |
| 274 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 275 | NOW WE NEED THE SEMEN OF A RIGHTEOUS MAN. |
| 276 | OKAY, PHEEBS, YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 277 | IF WE HAD THAT, WE WOULDN'T BE DOING THE RITUAL |
| 278 | IN THE FIRST PLACE. |
| 279 | CAN WE JUST START THROWING THINGS IN? |
| 280 | YEAH, OKAY. |
| 281 | OH. |
| 282 | OKAY. |
| 283 | OKAY, BARRY'S LETTERS. |
| 284 | ADAM RITTER'S BOXER SHORTS. |
| 285 | AND I HAVE |
| 286 | THE RECEIPT FROM MY DINNER WITH |
| 287 | ( clicking tongue ): NOKULULE OON AH. |
| 288 | HERE'S A PICTURE OF SCOTTY JARED NAKED. |
| 289 | OH, LET ME SEE. |
| 290 | HE'S WEARING A SWEATER. |
| 291 | NO. |
| 292 | EWW! EWW! |
| 293 | OKAY, HERE WE HAVE THE LAST OF PAOLO'S GRAPPA. |
| 294 | WAIT, RACHEL. |
| 295 | ISN'T THAT ALMOST PURE-- |
| 296 | HOW CAN I DUMP THIS WOMAN ON VALENTINE'S DAY? |
| 297 | I DON'T KNOW. |
| 298 | YOU DUMPED HER ON NEW YEAR'S. |
| 299 | OH, MAN. |
| 300 | IN MY NEXT LIFE, I'M COMING BACK AS A TOILET BRUSH. |
| 301 | HELLO, FUNNY VALENTINE. |
| 302 | HI, JUST JANICE. |
| 303 | HELLO, JOEY |
| 304 | OUR LITTLE MATCHMAKER. |
| 305 | I COULD JUST KISS YOU ALL OVER AND I'M GONNA. |
| 306 | IF YOU DON'T DO IT, I WILL. |
| 307 | SO, UM, WHAT DO YOU DO FOR A LIVING? |
| 308 | WELL, UM, FOR THE PAST... |
| 309 | ( beeping ) |
| 310 | OH, GOD! |
| 311 | YOU SAID THEY COULD SHOOT THE SPOT WITHOUT YOU. |
| 312 | I THOUGHT THEY COULD. |
| 313 | BUT IT'S VALENTINE'S DAY. |
| 314 | I KNOW, BUT IT'S MY JOB. |
| 315 | I'LL TRY TO GET BACK AS SOON AS I CAN. |
| 316 | I'M SORRY. |
| 317 | Carol: YEAH, I KNOW. |
| 318 | ...WHICH IS FUNNY |
| 319 | BECAUSE THAT WASN'T EVEN MY MAJOR. |
| 320 | NOW THAT IS FUNNY. |
| 321 | HEY, DO YOU THINK... |
| 322 | WOULD IT BE TOO WEIRD |
| 323 | IF I INVITED CAROL OVER TO JOIN US? |
| 324 | 'CAUSE SHE'S, SHE'S ALONE NOW, |
| 325 | AND PREGNANT AND SAD. |
| 326 | I GUESS. |
| 327 | ARE YOU SURE? |
| 328 | THANKS. |
| 329 | CAROL, WANT TO COME OVER AND JOIN US? |
| 330 | OH, NO, I'M FINE. |
| 331 | COME ON. THESE PEOPLE WILL SCOOCH DOWN. |
| 332 | YOU GUYS WILL SCOOCH, WON'T YOU? |
| 333 | LET'S TRY SCOOCHING. |
| 334 | COME ON. |
| 335 | COME ON. |
| 336 | THANK YOU. |
| 337 | UH, KRISTEN RIGGS, THIS IS CAROL WILLICK. |
| 338 | CAROL, KRISTEN. |
| 339 | HOW DO YOU DO? |
| 340 | UM, CAROL TEACHES SIXTH GRADE. |
| 341 | AND, UH, KRISTEN... |
| 342 | KRISTEN DOES SOMETHING THAT, FUNNILY ENOUGH |
| 343 | WASN'T EVEN HER MAJOR. |
| 344 | WHAT DO WE GOT THERE? |
| 345 | PIECE OF SOMETHING: BOXER SHORTS... |
| 346 | LOOKS LIKE A HALF-CHARRED PICTURE... |
| 347 | WOW, THAT GUY'S HAIRIER THAN THE CHIEF. |
| 348 | YOU KNOW, IT'S A REALLY FUNNY STORY |
| 349 | HOW THIS HAPPENED. |
| 350 | IT'S ALL RIGHT. |
| 351 | YOU DON'T HAVE TO EXPLAIN. |
| 352 | THIS ISN'T THE FIRST BOYFRIEND BONFIRE |
| 353 | WE'VE SEEN GET OUT OF CONTROL. |
| 354 | YOU'RE OUR THIRD CALL TONIGHT. |
| 355 | REALLY? |
| 356 | OH, SURE. VALENTINE'S OUR BUSIEST NIGHT |
| 357 | OF THE YEAR. |
| 358 | I BROUGHT YOU SOMETHING. |
| 359 | IS IT LOADED? |
| 360 | OH, LITTLE CANDY HEARTS. |
| 361 | "CHAN AND JAN FOREVER." |
| 362 | I HAD THEM MADE SPECIAL. |
| 363 | OKAY, JANICE. |
| 364 | JANICE... |
| 365 | HEY, JANICE. |
| 366 | LOOK, THERE'S NO WAY FOR ME TO TELL YOU THIS. |
| 367 | AT LEAST, THERE'S NO NEW WAY FOR ME |
| 368 | TO TELL YOU THIS. |
| 369 | I JUST DON'T THINK THINGS ARE GOING TO WORK OUT. |
| 370 | THAT'S FINE. |
| 371 | IT IS? |
| 372 | MM-HMM. |
| 373 | BECAUSE I KNOW THAT THIS ISN'T THE END. |
| 374 | OH, NO, YOU SEE, ACTUALLY IT IS. |
| 375 | NO, IT ISN'T |
| 376 | BECAUSE YOU WON'T LET THAT HAPPEN. |
| 377 | DON'T YOU KNOW IT YET? |
| 378 | YOU LOVE ME, CHANDLER BING. |
| 379 | OH, NO, I DON'T. |
| 380 | ASK YOURSELF-- |
| 381 | WHY DO WE KEEP ENDING UP TOGETHER? |
| 382 | NEW YEAR'S-- WHO INVITED WHO? |
| 383 | VALENTINE'S-- WHO ASKED WHO INTO WHOSE BED? |
| 384 | I DID, BUT... |
| 385 | YOU SEEK ME OUT. |
| 386 | SOMETHING DEEP IN YOUR SOUL CALLS OUT TO ME LIKE A FOGHORN. |
| 387 | ( imitates foghorn ): JAN-ICE, JAN-ICE. |
| 388 | YOU WANT ME. |
| 389 | YOU NEED ME. |
| 390 | YOU CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT ME |
| 391 | AND YOU KNOW IT. |
| 392 | YOU JUST DON'T KNOW YOU KNOW IT. |
| 393 | SEE YA. |
| 394 | CALL ME. |
| 395 | Carol: NOT TRUE. I NEVER CALLED YOUR MOTHER A WOLVERINE. |
| 396 | YOU DID SO. |
| 397 | I SWEAR TO-- |
| 398 | HOW LONG HAS SHE BEEN IN THE BATHROOM? |
| 399 | UH, I DON'T THINK SHE'S IN THE BATHROOM. |
| 400 | HER COAT IS GONE. |
| 401 | WELL, MAYBE IT'S COLD IN THERE. |
| 402 | OH... |
| 403 | MAYBE I SCREWED UP |
| 404 | THE FIRST DATE I HAD IN NINE YEARS. |
| 405 | THAT COULD BE IT. |
| 406 | OH, GOD. |
| 407 | YOU KNOW, THIS IS STILL PRETTY HOT. |
| 408 | MUSHROOM. |
| 409 | OH, SMILE. |
| 410 | THEY WON'T ALL BE LIKE THIS. |
| 411 | SOME WOMEN MIGHT EVEN STAY THROUGH DINNER. |
| 412 | I'M SORRY. THAT'S NOT FUNNY. |
| 413 | IT'S JUST... |
| 414 | WELL, YOU KNOW THE WHOLE |
| 415 | "GETTING ON WITH YOUR LIFE" THING? |
| 416 | WELL, DO I HAVE TO? |
| 417 | I MEAN, I'M SITTING HERE WITH THIS CUTE WOMAN |
| 418 | AND, AND, AND SHE'S PERFECTLY NICE, YOU KNOW? |
| 419 | AND, BUT THAT THERE'S... |
| 420 | THAT'S IT. |
| 421 | AND, UM, AND THEN I'M HERE TALKING TO YOU |
| 422 | AND IT'S EASY, AND IT'S FUN AND I DON'T HAVE TO... |
| 423 | I KNOW. |
| 424 | YOU KNOW? |
| 425 | HERE'S A WACKY THOUGHT-- |
| 426 | WHAT SAY YOU AND I GIVE IT ANOTHER SHOT? |
| 427 | ROSS... |
| 428 | I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE GOING TO SAY. |
| 429 | YOU'RE A LESBIAN. |
| 430 | BUT LET'S... |
| 431 | WHAT DO YOU SAY WE JUST PUT THAT ASIDE FOR NOW? |
| 432 | LET'S JUST STICK A PIN IN IT, OKAY? |
| 433 | BECAUSE WE'RE GREAT TOGETHER. |
| 434 | YOU KNOW, YOU CAN'T DENY IT. |
| 435 | AND BESIDE |
| 436 | YOU'RE CARRYING MY BABY. |
| 437 | I MEAN, HOW PERFECT IS THAT? |
| 438 | ROSS... |
| 439 | YOU KNOW, YOU KEEP SAYING THAT |
| 440 | BUT THERE'S SOMETHING RIGHT HERE. |
| 441 | I LOVE YOU. |
| 442 | OH, I LOVE YOU TOO. |
| 443 | BUT... |
| 444 | NO BUT, NO BUT. |
| 445 | YOU KNOW THAT THING WE PUT OVER HERE |
| 446 | WITH THE PIN IN IT? |
| 447 | IT'S TIME TO TAKE THE PIN OUT. |
| 448 | YEAH. |
| 449 | YOU'LL FIND SOMEONE, I KNOW YOU WELL. |
| 450 | THE RIGHT WOMAN IS WAITING FOR YOU. |
| 451 | THAT'S EASY FOR YOU TO SAY. |
| 452 | YOU FOUND ONE ALREADY. |
| 453 | ALL YOU NEED IS A WOMAN WHO LIKES MEN |
| 454 | AND YOU'LL BE SET. |
| 455 | NOT HER. |
| 456 | WE GET OFF AROUND MIDNIGHT. |
| 457 | WE'LL PICK YOU UP THEN. |
| 458 | OKAY, GREAT. |
| 459 | SO, UM, WILL YOU BRING THE TRUCK? |
| 460 | I'LL EVEN LET YOU RING THE BELL. |
| 461 | BYE. |
| 462 | BYE. I CAN'T WAIT. |
| 463 | THANKS. |
| 464 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 465 | SEE, THERE YOU GO. |
| 466 | THE CLEANSING WORKED. |
| 467 | YOU'RE RIGHT. |
| 468 | THEY'RE NICE GUYS. |
| 469 | THEY'RE FIREMEN GUYS. |
| 470 | YOU GUYS TELL THEM YOU WERE MARRIED? |
| 471 | [Captioned by The Caption Center WGBH Educational Foundation] |
| 472 | |
| 1 | COFFEE. |
| 2 | THANK YOU. |
| 3 | CAPPUCCINO. |
| 4 | GRAZIE. |
| 5 | AND A NICE HOT CIDER FOR MONICA. |
| 6 | AW, THANK YOU. |
| 7 | RACH? YEAH? |
| 8 | WHY DOES MY CINNAMON STICK HAVE AN ERASER? |
| 9 | OH... |
| 10 | OH... THAT'S WHY. |
| 11 | I'M SORRY. |
| 12 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 13 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 14 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 15 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 16 | ♪ WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY ♪ |
| 17 | ♪ YOUR WEEK, YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 18 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 19 | ♪ WHEN THE RAIN STARTS TO FALL ♪ |
| 20 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 21 | ♪ LIKE I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE ♪ |
| 22 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 23 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME TOO. ♪ |
| 24 | ( clacking keys ) |
| 25 | CHANDLER... |
| 26 | MISS TEDLOCK YOU'RE LOOKING LOVELY TODAY. |
| 27 | AND MAY I SAY THAT IS A VERY FLATTERING |
| 28 | SLEEVE LENGTH ON YOU. |
| 29 | YES. WELL... MR. KOSTELIC WOULD LIKE YOU |
| 30 | TO STOP BY HIS OFFICE AT THE END OF THE DAY. |
| 31 | OH, LISTEN, IF THIS IS ABOUT THOSE PRANK MEMOS |
| 32 | I HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THEM-- REALLY, NOTHING AT ALL. |
| 33 | REALLY, NOTHING. |
| 34 | HEY, YOU GUYS-- |
| 35 | CHANDLER'S COMING, AND HE SAYS HE HAS |
| 36 | INCREDIBLE NEWS. |
| 37 | SO WHEN HE COMES, LET'S ALL ACT LIKE... |
| 38 | HEY. |
| 39 | NEVER MIND. BUT IT WAS GOING TO BE |
| 40 | REALLY GOOD. |
| 41 | WHAT'S GOING ON? |
| 42 | WHAT'S UP? |
| 43 | IT'S A TYPICAL DAY AT WORK. |
| 44 | BIG AL CALLS ME INTO HIS OFFICE |
| 45 | AND SAYS HE WANTS TO MAKE ME PROCESSING SUPERVISOR. |
| 46 | THAT IS GREAT! |
| 47 | CONGRATULATIONS. |
| 48 | SO... I QUIT. |
| 49 | WHY? |
| 50 | THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A TEMP JOB. |
| 51 | CHANDLER, YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR FIVE YEARS. |
| 52 | BUT IF I TOOK THIS PROMOTION IT'D BE LIKE ADMITTING |
| 53 | THAT THIS IS WHAT I ACTUALLY DO. |
| 54 | IS IT A LOT MORE MONEY? |
| 55 | IT DOESN'T MATTER. |
| 56 | I JUST DON'T WANT TO BE ONE OF THOSE GUYS |
| 57 | THAT'S IN HIS OFFICE UNTIL 12:00 AT NIGHT |
| 58 | WORRYING ABOUT THE WEENUS. |
| 59 | THE... THE WEENUS? |
| 60 | "WEEKLY ESTIMATED NET USAGE SYSTEMS." |
| 61 | IT'S A PROCESSING TERM. |
| 62 | OH... THAT WEENUS. |
| 63 | SO, WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO? |
| 64 | I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WANT TO DO, |
| 65 | I JUST KNOW I WON'T FIGURE IT OUT WORKING THERE. |
| 66 | OH! I HAVE SOMETHING YOU CAN DO. |
| 67 | I HAVE THIS NEW MASSAGE CLIENT-- STEVE. |
| 68 | ANYWAY, HE'S OPENING UP A RESTAURANT |
| 69 | AND HE'S LOOKING FOR A HEAD CHEF. |
| 70 | UM... HI, THERE. |
| 71 | HI. |
| 72 | OH, YEAH, I KNOW, YOU'RE A CHEF. |
| 73 | AND I THOUGHT OF YOU FIRST. |
| 74 | BUT CHANDLER'S THE ONE WHO NEEDS A JOB RIGHT NOW, SO... |
| 75 | I JUST DON'T HAVE A LOT OF CHEFFING EXPERIENCE. |
| 76 | UNLESS IT'S AN ALL-TOAST RESTAURANT. |
| 77 | YEAH, YEAH. |
| 78 | WHAT KIND OF FOOD IS HE LOOKING FOR? |
| 79 | HE WANTS TO DO SOMETHING ECLECTIC. |
| 80 | SO HE'S LOOKING FOR SOMEONE |
| 81 | WHO CAN CREATE THE ENTIRE MENU. |
| 82 | OH, MY GOD! |
| 83 | YEAH, I KNOW. |
| 84 | SO WHAT DO YOU THINK? |
| 85 | THANKS, PHEEB. I JUST DON'T REALLY SEE MYSELF |
| 86 | IN A BIG WHITE HAT. |
| 87 | OKAY. |
| 88 | OH, MONICA, GUESS WHAT! |
| 89 | CAN YOU SEE MY NIPPLES THROUGH THIS SHIRT? |
| 90 | N-NO. |
| 91 | BUT DON'T WORRY-- I'M SURE THEY'RE STILL THERE. |
| 92 | WHERE ARE YOU GOING MR. SUITY-MAN? |
| 93 | WELL, I HAVE AN APPOINTMENT TO SEE DR. ROBERT PILLMAN-- |
| 94 | CAREER COUNSELOR A-GO-GO. |
| 95 | I ADDED THE "A-GO-GO." |
| 96 | CAREER COUNSELOR? |
| 97 | HEY, YOU GUYS ALL KNOW WHAT YOU WANT TO DO. |
| 98 | I DON'T. |
| 99 | HEY, YOU GUYS IN THE LIVING ROOM ALL KNOW |
| 100 | WHAT YOU WANT TO DO. |
| 101 | YOU HAVE GOALS, YOU HAVE DREAMS. |
| 102 | I DON'T HAVE A DREAM. |
| 103 | AH, THE LESSER-KNOWN "I DON'T HAVE A DREAM" SPEECH. |
| 104 | OH, I LOVE MY LIFE! I LOVE MY LIFE! |
| 105 | "BRIAN'S SONG"! |
| 106 | THE MEETING WITH THAT GUY WENT GREAT? |
| 107 | IT WAS SO GREAT. |
| 108 | HE SHOWED ME WHERE THE RESTAURANT'S GOING TO BE. |
| 109 | IT'S NOT TOO BIG, IT'S NOT TOO SMALL. |
| 110 | IT'S JUST RIGHT. |
| 111 | WAS IT FORMERLY OWNED BY A BLONDE WOMAN AND SOME BEARS? |
| 112 | I'M COOKING DINNER FOR HIM MONDAY NIGHT. |
| 113 | KIND OF LIKE AN AUDITION. |
| 114 | PHOEBE, HE REALLY WANTS YOU TO BE HERE. |
| 115 | WHICH IS GREAT, 'CAUSE THEN |
| 116 | YOU CAN MAKE YUMMY NOISES. |
| 117 | WHAT ARE YOU MAKING? |
| 118 | YUMMY NOISES. |
| 119 | AND, MONICA, WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO MAKE? |
| 120 | I DON'T KNOW. IT'S JUST GOT TO BE SO GREAT. |
| 121 | OH! I KNOW WHAT YOU COULD MAKE. |
| 122 | YOU SHOULD MAKE THAT THING WITH THE STUFF. |
| 123 | YOU KNOW THAT... THING. |
| 124 | WITH THE STUFF. |
| 125 | OKAY, I DON'T KNOW. |
| 126 | HEY GUYS, DOES ANYONE KNOW |
| 127 | A GOOD DATE PLACE IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD? |
| 128 | UH... HOW ABOUT TONY'S? |
| 129 | IF YOU CAN FINISH A 32-OUNCE STEAK, IT'S FREE. |
| 130 | OKAY. |
| 131 | HEY, DOES ANYONE KNOW A GOOD PLACE |
| 132 | IF YOU'RE NOT DATING A PUMA? |
| 133 | WHO ARE YOU GOING OUT WITH? |
| 134 | OH! IS THIS THE BUG LADY? |
| 135 | ( buzzing ) "I LOVE YOU, ROSS." |
| 136 | HER NAME IS CELIA. |
| 137 | SHE'S NOT A BUG LADY. |
| 138 | SHE'S CURATOR OF INSECTS AT THE MUSEUM. |
| 139 | SO WHAT ARE YOU GUYS GOING TO DO? |
| 140 | WE'D GO OUT TO DINNER |
| 141 | AND THEN MAYBE BRING HER BACK TO MY PLACE |
| 142 | AND I'D INTRODUCE HER TO MY MONKEY. |
| 143 | AND HE'S NOT SPEAKING METAPHORICALLY. |
| 144 | SOOO... BACK TO YOUR PLACE. |
| 145 | YOU'RE THINKIN' MAYBE... HEH-HEH? |
| 146 | ( clears throat ) |
| 147 | WELL, I DON'T KNOW, HEH-HEH. |
| 148 | I'M HOPING, HEH-HEH. |
| 149 | I'M TELLING YOU-- THAT MONKEY IS A CHICK MAGNET. |
| 150 | SHE'S GOING TO TAKE ONE LOOK AT HIS FURRY CUTE LITTLE FACE |
| 151 | AND IT'LL SEAL THE DEAL. |
| 152 | ( screaming ) |
| 153 | SOOTHING TONES, CELIA. |
| 154 | ( screaming louder ) |
| 155 | 'NANA... |
| 156 | I CAN'T STAND THIS. |
| 157 | HE'S GOT HIS CLAWS ON MY... |
| 158 | YEAH. |
| 159 | OKAY. TRY THIS SALMON MOUSSE. |
| 160 | MMM. GOOD. |
| 161 | YEAH? IS IT BETTER THAN THE OTHER SALMON MOUSSE? |
| 162 | IT'S CREAMIER. |
| 163 | YEAH. WELL, IS THAT BETTER? |
| 164 | I DON'T KNOW. |
| 165 | WE'RE TALKING ABOUT WHIPPED FISH. |
| 166 | I'M JUST HAPPY I'M KEEPING IT DOWN. |
| 167 | OH, MY GOD! |
| 168 | WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU? |
| 169 | EIGHT AND A HALF HOURS OF APTITUDE TESTS |
| 170 | INTELLIGENCE TESTS, PERSONALITY TESTS, |
| 171 | AND WHAT DO I LEARN? |
| 172 | "YOU ARE IDEALLY SUITED FOR A CAREER IN DATA PROCESSING |
| 173 | FOR A LARGE MULTINATIONAL COOPERATION." |
| 174 | THAT'S SO GREAT |
| 175 | 'CAUSE YOU ALREADY KNOW HOW TO DO THAT. |
| 176 | CAN YOU BELIEVE IT? |
| 177 | DON'T I SEEM LIKE SOMEBODY |
| 178 | WHO SHOULD BE DOING SOMETHING REALLY COOL? |
| 179 | I JUST ALWAYS PICTURED MYSELF DOING SOMETHING... |
| 180 | SOMETHING. |
| 181 | OH, CHANDLER, I KNOW. |
| 182 | I KNOW. |
| 183 | OH, HEY! |
| 184 | YOU CAN SEE YOUR NIPPLES THROUGH THIS SHIRT. |
| 185 | HERE YOU GO. |
| 186 | MAYBE THIS WILL CHEER YOU UP. |
| 187 | I HAD A GRAPE ABOUT FIVE HOURS AGO. |
| 188 | SO I BETTER SPLIT THIS WITH YOU. |
| 189 | IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE THAT SMALL. |
| 190 | IT'S A PRE-APPETIZER. |
| 191 | THE FRENCH CALL IT AN AMUSE BOUCHE. |
| 192 | WELL, IT IS "AMOOZING." |
| 193 | ( phone rings ) |
| 194 | HELLO? |
| 195 | OH, HI, WENDY. |
| 196 | YEAH, 8:00. |
| 197 | WHAT DID WE SAY, TEN DOLLARS AN HOUR? |
| 198 | OKAY, GREAT. |
| 199 | I'LL SEE YOU THEN. BYE. |
| 200 | TEN DOLLARS AN HOUR FOR WHAT? |
| 201 | I ASKED A WAITRESS AT WORK TO HELP ME OUT. |
| 202 | WAITRESSING? |
| 203 | UH-OH. |
| 204 | WELL, OF COURSE I THOUGHT OF YOU. |
| 205 | BUT... BUT... |
| 206 | BUT-BUT? |
| 207 | BUT, YOU SEE |
| 208 | THIS NIGHT HAS TO GO JUST PERFECT, YOU KNOW. |
| 209 | WELL, WENDY'S MORE OF A... PROFESSIONAL WAITRESS. |
| 210 | OH. I SEE. |
| 211 | AND I'VE SORT OF BEEN MAINTAINING MY AMATEUR STATUS |
| 212 | SO THAT I CAN WAITRESS IN THE OLYMPICS. |
| 213 | YOU KNOW, I DON'T MEAN TO BRAG |
| 214 | BUT I WAITED TABLES AT INNSBRUCK IN '76. |
| 215 | AMUSE BOUCHE? |
| 216 | ( moans ) |
| 217 | TALK TO ME. |
| 218 | OKAY, UH... |
| 219 | A WEIRD THING HAPPENED TO ME |
| 220 | ON THE TRAIN THIS MORNING. |
| 221 | NO, NO, NO, NO. |
| 222 | TALK DIRTY. |
| 223 | WELL... HERE? |
| 224 | AH... |
| 225 | SAY SOMETHING... HOT. |
| 226 | UH... |
| 227 | UM... |
| 228 | WHAT? |
| 229 | WH... |
| 230 | WHAT? |
| 231 | ( snarls ) |
| 232 | UM... |
| 233 | WHAT? |
| 234 | VULVA. |
| 235 | "VULVA?" |
| 236 | ALL RIGHT. I PANICKED. |
| 237 | ALL RIGHT? |
| 238 | SHE... SHE TOOK ME BY SURPRISE. |
| 239 | BUT IT WASN'T A TOTAL LOSS. |
| 240 | I MEAN, UH, WE ENDED UP CUDDLING. |
| 241 | WHOA, YOU CUDDLED? |
| 242 | HOW MANY TIMES? |
| 243 | SHUT UP. IT WAS NICE. |
| 244 | I DIDN'T... I JUST DON'T THINK |
| 245 | I'M THE DIRTY-TALKING KIND OF GUY, YOU KNOW? |
| 246 | WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL? |
| 247 | YOU JUST SAY WHAT YOU WANT TO DO TO HER |
| 248 | AND WHAT YOU WANT HER TO DO TO YOU |
| 249 | AND WHAT YOU THINK OTHER PEOPLE MIGHT |
| 250 | BE DOING TO EACH OTHER. |
| 251 | LOOK. I TELL YOU WHAT. |
| 252 | TRY SOMETHING ON ME. |
| 253 | PLEASE BE KIDDING. |
| 254 | WHY NOT? COME ON. |
| 255 | JUST... JUST CLOSE YOUR EYES |
| 256 | AND TELL ME WHAT YOU'D LIKE |
| 257 | TO BE DOING RIGHT NOW. |
| 258 | OKAY. I'M, UH... I'M IN MY APARTMENT... |
| 259 | YEAH... WHAT ELSE? |
| 260 | THAT'S IT. I'M IN MY APARTMENT. YOU'RE NOT THERE. |
| 261 | WE'RE NOT HAVING THIS CONVERSATION. |
| 262 | I'LL START, OKAY? |
| 263 | JOEY, PLEASE. COME ON. COME ON. |
| 264 | READY? LOOK. |
| 265 | OH, ROSS... |
| 266 | YOU GET ME SO HOT. |
| 267 | I WANT YOUR LIPS ON ME NOW. |
| 268 | HUH? |
| 269 | HMM. |
| 270 | ALL RIGHT. NOW YOU SAY SOMETHING. |
| 271 | I, UH, I REALLY DON'T THINK SO. |
| 272 | YOU LIKE THIS WOMAN, RIGHT? WELL, YEAH. |
| 273 | YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN, RIGHT? SURE. |
| 274 | IF YOU CAN'T TALK DIRTY TO ME |
| 275 | HOW YOU GOING TO TALK DIRTY TO HER? |
| 276 | NOW, TELL ME YOU WANT TO CARESS MY BUTT. |
| 277 | OKAY. TURN AROUND. |
| 278 | I JUST DON'T WANT YOU STARING AT ME WHEN I'M DOING THIS. |
| 279 | ALL RIGHT. I'M NOT LOOKING. |
| 280 | OKAY. OKAY. |
| 281 | ( clearing throat ) |
| 282 | I WANT... |
| 283 | OKAY, I WANT TO... FEEL YOUR... |
| 284 | HOT, SOFT SKIN WITH MY LIPS. |
| 285 | THERE YOU GO. |
| 286 | KEEP GOING. KEEP GOING. |
| 287 | I, UH... |
| 288 | I WANT TO TAKE MY TONGUE, AND... |
| 289 | AND, AND... |
| 290 | SAY IT. |
| 291 | SAY IT! |
| 292 | RUN IT ALL OVER YOUR BODY UNTIL YOU'RE... |
| 293 | ...TREMBLING WITH... WITH... |
| 294 | WITH..? |
| 295 | FUNNY STORY. |
| 296 | YOU'RE NOT GOING TO BELIEVE THIS. |
| 297 | IT'S OKAY. IT'S OKAY. |
| 298 | I WAS ROOTING FOR YOU TWO KIDS TO GET TOGETHER. |
| 299 | WHILE YOU WERE SLEEPING |
| 300 | THAT GUY FROM YOUR OLD JOB CALLED AGAIN. |
| 301 | AGAIN? |
| 302 | AND AGAIN AND AGAIN |
| 303 | AND AGAIN. AND AGAIN. |
| 304 | ( phone ringing ) |
| 305 | HELLO. |
| 306 | AND AGAIN. |
| 307 | HI, MR. KOSTELIC. |
| 308 | HOW'S LIFE ON THE 15th FLOOR? |
| 309 | YEAH. I MISS YOU TOO. |
| 310 | IT'S A LOT LESS SATISFYING |
| 311 | TO STEAL PENS FROM YOUR OWN HOME, YOU KNOW? |
| 312 | WELL, THAT'S VERY GENEROUS. |
| 313 | THIS ISN'T ABOUT THE MONEY. |
| 314 | I NEED SOMETHING MORE THAN A JOB, SOMETHING... |
| 315 | AND THAT'S ON TOP OF THE YEAR-END BONUS STRUCTURE? |
| 316 | DREAM. DREAM. |
| 317 | LOOK, AL. AL... |
| 318 | I'M NOT PLAYING HARDBALL HERE. |
| 319 | THIS IS NOT A NEGOTIATION. |
| 320 | THIS IS A REJECTION. |
| 321 | NO... NO. STOP SAYING... STOP SAYING NUMBERS. |
| 322 | I'M TELLING YOU. YOU'VE GOT THE WRONG GUY. |
| 323 | YOU'VE GOT THE WRONG GUY! |
| 324 | I'LL SEE YOU MONDAY! |
| 325 | NYAH. |
| 326 | HUH? |
| 327 | OH, WOW! |
| 328 | IT'S HUGE! |
| 329 | THIS IS SO MUCH BIGGER THAN THE CUBICLE. |
| 330 | THIS IS A CUBE. |
| 331 | LOOK AT THIS. |
| 332 | ( gasping ) |
| 333 | YOU HAVE A WINDOW! |
| 334 | YES, INDEEDY. |
| 335 | WITH A BEAUTIFUL VIEW OF... |
| 336 | OH, LOOK. THAT GUY'S PEEING. |
| 337 | OKAY. THAT'S ENOUGH OF THE VIEW. |
| 338 | CHECK THIS OUT. LOOK AT THIS. |
| 339 | OKAY. SIT DOWN HERE. |
| 340 | OKAY. |
| 341 | THIS IS GREAT. THIS IS GREAT. |
| 342 | NOW? |
| 343 | HELEN, COULD YOU COME IN HERE FOR A MOMENT? |
| 344 | THANK YOU, HELEN. THAT'LL BE ALL. |
| 345 | LAST TIME I DO THAT, I PROMISE. |
| 346 | WENDY, WE HAD A DEAL. |
| 347 | YEAH. YOU PROMISED. |
| 348 | WENDY... WENDY... |
| 349 | WENDY! |
| 350 | ( groans ) |
| 351 | WHO WAS THAT? |
| 352 | WENDY BAILED. |
| 353 | I... I HAVE NO WAITRESS. |
| 354 | OH, THAT'S TOO BAD. |
| 355 | BYE-BYE. |
| 356 | TEN DOLLARS AN HOUR. NO. |
| 357 | $12 AN HOUR. |
| 358 | MON, I WISH I COULD, |
| 359 | BUT I'VE MADE PLANS TO WALK AROUND. |
| 360 | WHEN YOU RAN OUT ON YOUR WEDDING |
| 361 | I WAS THERE FOR YOU. |
| 362 | I PUT A ROOF OVER YOUR HEAD |
| 363 | AND IF THAT MEANS NOTHING TO YOU... |
| 364 | ...$20 AN HOUR. |
| 365 | DONE. |
| 366 | WELL, HELLO. WELCOME TO MONICA'S. |
| 367 | MAY I TAKE YOUR COAT? |
| 368 | HI, STEVE. |
| 369 | HELLO, MONICA. |
| 370 | HELLO, GREETER-GIRL. |
| 371 | THIS IS RACHEL. |
| 372 | YEAH. OKAY. |
| 373 | MMM. MMM... |
| 374 | EVERYTHING SMELLS SO DELICIOUS. |
| 375 | I CAN'T REMEMBER A TIME I SMELLED SUCH A DELICIOUS |
| 376 | COMBINATION OF, OF... |
| 377 | OKAY. SMELLS. |
| 378 | WELL, IT'S A LOVELY APARTMENT. |
| 379 | OH, THANK YOU. |
| 380 | WOULD YOU LIKE A TOUR? |
| 381 | I WAS JUST BEING POLITE, BUT ALL RIGHT. |
| 382 | WHAT..? WHAT'S UP? |
| 383 | I... IN THE CAB, ON THE WAY OVER |
| 384 | STEVE BLAZED UP A DOOBIE. |
| 385 | WHAT?! |
| 386 | HE SMOKED A JOINT. |
| 387 | YOU KNOW, LIT A BONE-- WEED, HEMP, GANJA... |
| 388 | OKAY, OKAY. OKAY, |
| 389 | I'M WITH YOU, CHEECH. |
| 390 | OKAY. |
| 391 | IS IT DRY IN HERE? |
| 392 | LET ME... LET ME GET YOU SOME WINE. |
| 393 | I THINK WE'RE READY FOR OUR FIRST COURSE. |
| 394 | OKAY, UM, |
| 395 | THESE ARE ROCK SHRIMP RAVIOLI |
| 396 | AND CILANTRO PONZU SAUCE |
| 397 | WITH JUST A TOUCH OF MINCED... |
| 398 | GINGER. |
| 399 | WELL, SMACK MY ASS AND CALL ME JUDY. |
| 400 | THESE ARE FANTASTIC. |
| 401 | OH, GOSH, I'M SO GLAD YOU LIKE THEM. |
| 402 | LIKE THEM? I COULD EAT 100 OF THEM. |
| 403 | OH. WELL, THAT'S ALL THERE IS OF THESE |
| 404 | BUT IN ABOUT EIGHT AND A HALF MINUTES |
| 405 | WE'LL BE SERVING SOME DELICIOUS ONION TARTLETS. |
| 406 | TARTLETS? MM, UH-HUH. |
| 407 | TARTLETS? |
| 408 | TARTLETS? |
| 409 | THE WORD HAS LOST ALL MEANING. |
| 410 | EXCUSE ME. |
| 411 | CAN I HELP YOU WITH ANYTHING? |
| 412 | YOU KNOW, I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M LOOKING FOR. |
| 413 | ( sucking ) |
| 414 | OH, COOL! TACO SHELLS! |
| 415 | THESE ARE LIKE A LITTLE CORN ENVELOPE, YOU KNOW? |
| 416 | YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 417 | YOU DON'T WANT TO SPOIL YOUR APPETITE. |
| 418 | HEY, SUGAR Os! |
| 419 | YOU KNOW, IF YOU JUST WAIT ANOTHER SIX AND A HALF MINUTES... |
| 420 | OH! MACARONI AND CHEESE! |
| 421 | WE GOT TO MAKE THIS. |
| 422 | NO. WE DON'T. |
| 423 | WE... OH, OKAY. |
| 424 | HEY... OOP! SORRY. |
| 425 | WHY DON'T YOU JUST HAVE A SEAT HERE. |
| 426 | OKAY... |
| 427 | OKAY. |
| 428 | GIVE ME THE GUMMI BEARS. |
| 429 | I... NO. |
| 430 | GIVE THEM TO ME. |
| 431 | I WILL SHARE. |
| 432 | NO. GIVE ME THE BEARS. |
| 433 | THEN YOU CAN'T HAVE ANY. GIVE THEM TO ME. |
| 434 | OH! OH! |
| 435 | BEARS OVERBOARD! |
| 436 | THEY'RE DROWNING. |
| 437 | HEY, FELLOWS! |
| 438 | GRAB ON TO A SUGAR O. SAVE YOURSELVES. |
| 439 | ( imitating Gummi Bears ): HELP! HELP! WE'RE DROWNING! |
| 440 | HELP! HELP! |
| 441 | THAT'S IT! DINNER IS OVER. |
| 442 | WHAT? "WHAT?" |
| 443 | WHY? "WHY?" |
| 444 | I'VE WAITED SEVEN YEARS FOR THIS |
| 445 | AND YOU CAN'T WAIT FOUR AND A HALF MINUTES |
| 446 | FOR A STUPID ONION TARTLET? |
| 447 | ( timer rings ) |
| 448 | HEY! |
| 449 | WHAT A TOOL. |
| 450 | YOU DON'T WANT TO WORK FOR A GUY LIKE THAT. |
| 451 | I KNOW. I JUST THOUGHT THAT THIS WAS, YOU KNOW, IT. |
| 452 | YOU'LL GET THERE. YOU'RE AN AMAZING CHEF. |
| 453 | YEAH. YOU KNOW ALL THOSE YUMMY NOISES? |
| 454 | I WASN'T FAKING. |
| 455 | ( clearing throat ) |
| 456 | SO, UH, HOW DID IT GO WITH CELIA? |
| 457 | OH, UH, I WAS UNBELIEVABLE. |
| 458 | ALL RIGHT, ROSS! |
| 459 | I WAS THE JAMES MICHENER OF DIRTY TALK. |
| 460 | IT WAS THE MOST ELABORATE FILTH YOU HAVE EVER HEARD. |
| 461 | I MEAN, THERE WERE CHARACTERS, PLOT LINES |
| 462 | THEMES, A MOTIF... |
| 463 | AT ONE POINT THERE WERE VILLAGERS. |
| 464 | OH, HO-HO, AND, UH, HUH..? |
| 465 | BY THE TIME WE FINISHED WITH ALL THE DIRTY TALK |
| 466 | IT WAS KIND OF LATE AND WE WERE BOTH EXHAUSTED, SO, UM... |
| 467 | YOU CUDDLED. WHICH WAS NICE. |
| 468 | YOU GUYS WANT TO TRY TO CATCH A LATE MOVIE OR SOMETHING? |
| 469 | SHOULDN'T WE WAIT FOR CHANDLER? |
| 470 | WHOA. WHERE THE HELL IS HE? |
| 471 | YES, FRAN, I KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS |
| 472 | BUT I'M LOOKING AT THE WEENUS, AND I'M NOT HAPPY. |
| 473 | LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING. |
| 474 | YOU WILL CARE ABOUT IT BECAUSE I CARE ABOUT IT. |
| 475 | YOU GOT IT? GOOD! |
| 476 | WHOA... |
| 477 | HOW'S THIS? |
| 478 | ( yells ) |
| 479 | SORRY. HOW 'BOUT OVER HERE? |
| 480 | ( groans ) SEE? THAT MEANS IT'S WORKING. |
| 481 | DOES THIS HURT? |
| 482 | NO. |
| 483 | HOW 'BOUT THIS? |
| 484 | ( screaming ) |
| 485 | THERE YOU GO. |
| 486 | ( grunting ) |
| 487 | AH, OOH, AH... OH, I'M GOING TO THROW UP. |
| 488 | |
| 1 | THIS IS UNBELIEVABLE. |
| 2 | IT'S BEEN A HALF AN HOUR. |
| 3 | IF THIS WAS A CARTOON |
| 4 | YOU'D BE LOOKING LIKE A HAM RIGHT ABOUT NOW. |
| 5 | THERE'S THE WAITRESS. EXCUSE ME, MISS? |
| 6 | HELLO? MISS? |
| 7 | IT'S PHOEBE. |
| 8 | HI. |
| 9 | HI. |
| 10 | OKAY, WILL THAT BE ALL? |
| 11 | WAIT. WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? |
| 12 | I WAS OVER THERE, YOU SAID "EXCUSE ME. HELLO? MISS." |
| 13 | SO NOW I'M HERE. |
| 14 | NO, NO. HOW COME YOU'RE WORKING HERE? |
| 15 | RIGHT. 'CAUSE IT'S CLOSE TO WHERE I LIVE |
| 16 | AND THE APRONS ARE REALLY CUTE. |
| 17 | CAN WE START OVER? |
| 18 | YEAH, OKAY, GREAT. |
| 19 | I'LL BE OVER HERE... NO! NO! NO! NO! |
| 20 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 21 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 22 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 23 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 24 | ♪ AND IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY ♪ |
| 25 | ♪ YOUR WEEK, YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 26 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 27 | ♪ WHEN THE RAIN STARTS TO FALL ♪ |
| 28 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 29 | ♪ LIKE I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE ♪ |
| 30 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 31 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME TOO. ♪ |
| 32 | I DON'T KNOW WHETHER HE'S TESTING ME OR JUST ACTING OUT |
| 33 | BUT MY MONKEY IS OUT OF CONTROL. |
| 34 | HE KEEPS ERASING |
| 35 | THE MESSAGES ON MY MACHINE. |
| 36 | SUPPOSEDLY BY ACCIDENT. |
| 37 | OH, YEAH. I'VE DONE THAT. |
| 38 | AND THEN, LIKE, THREE DAYS IN A ROW |
| 39 | HE GOT TO THE NEWSPAPER BEFORE I DID |
| 40 | AND PEED ALL OVER THE CROSSWORD. |
| 41 | I'VE NEVER DONE THAT. |
| 42 | NOW, LOOK AT HER AND TELL ME |
| 43 | SHE DOESN'T LOOK EXACTLY LIKE HER SISTER. |
| 44 | I'M SAYING I SEE A DIFFERENCE. |
| 45 | THEY'RE TWINS. |
| 46 | I DON'T CARE. PHOEBE'S PHOEBE. |
| 47 | URSULA'S... HOT. |
| 48 | YOU KNOW THAT THING |
| 49 | WHEN YOU AND I TALK TO EACH OTHER ABOUT THINGS? |
| 50 | YEAH. LET'S NOT DO THAT ANYMORE. |
| 51 | HI, GUYS. |
| 52 | HEY, PHEEBS, GUESS WHO WE SAW TODAY. |
| 53 | OOH, FUN! OKAY. |
| 54 | LIAM NEESON? |
| 55 | NO. |
| 56 | MORLEY SAFER? |
| 57 | THE WOMAN WHO CUTS MY HAIR? |
| 58 | LOOK, THIS COULD BE A REALLY LONG GAME. |
| 59 | YOUR SISTER URSULA. |
| 60 | OH. REALLY? |
| 61 | SHE WORKS OVER AT THAT PLACE... |
| 62 | RIFF'S. YEAH, I KNOW. |
| 63 | YOU DO? |
| 64 | SHE SAID YOU HAVEN'T TALKED IN YEARS. |
| 65 | MM-HMM. YEAH. |
| 66 | SO, UM, IS SHE FAT? |
| 67 | NOT FROM WHERE I WAS STANDING. |
| 68 | WHERE WERE YOU STANDING? |
| 69 | UH, PHEEBS, SO YOU GUYS JUST DON'T GET ALONG? |
| 70 | IT'S MOSTLY JUST DUMB SISTER STUFF-- |
| 71 | LIKE EVERYONE ALWAYS THOUGHT OF HER AS THE PRETTY ONE, YOU KNOW? |
| 72 | OH! SHE WAS |
| 73 | THE FIRST ONE TO START WALKING |
| 74 | EVEN THOUGH I DID IT LATER THAT SAME DAY. |
| 75 | BUT TO MY PARENTS |
| 76 | BY THEN IT WAS LIKE, "RIGHT. WHAT ELSE IS NEW?" |
| 77 | PHEEBS, I'M SORRY. I'VE GOT TO GO. |
| 78 | I'VE GOT LAMAZE CLASS. |
| 79 | OH, AND I'VE GOT EARTH SCIENCE |
| 80 | BUT I'LL CATCH YOU IN GYM? |
| 81 | SO IS THIS JUST GOING TO BE YOU AND CAROL? |
| 82 | NO. SUSAN'S GOING TO BE THERE TOO. |
| 83 | WE'VE GOT DADS, WE'VE GOT LESBIANS-- |
| 84 | THE WHOLE PARENTING TEAM. |
| 85 | ISN'T THAT GOING TO BE WEIRD? |
| 86 | IT MIGHT HAVE BEEN AT FIRST |
| 87 | BUT BY NOW, I'M COMFORTABLE WITH THE WHOLE SITUATION. |
| 88 | ROSS, THAT'S MY JACKET. |
| 89 | I KNOW. |
| 90 | HI. WE'RE THE ROSTINS. |
| 91 | I'M J.C. |
| 92 | AND HE'S MICHAEL. |
| 93 | AND WE'RE HAVING A BOY... AND A GIRL. |
| 94 | GOOD FOR YOU. |
| 95 | ALL RIGHTY. NEXT? |
| 96 | HI. UM, I'M, UH... |
| 97 | I'M ROSS GELLER |
| 98 | AND THAT'S... THAT'S MY BOY IN THERE. |
| 99 | AND THIS IS CAROL WILLICK |
| 100 | AND THIS... IS SUSAN BUNCH. |
| 101 | SUSAN IS, UM... CAROL'S... |
| 102 | ( mumbling ) |
| 103 | WHO'S NEXT? |
| 104 | I'M SORRY. I DIDN'T GET... SUSAN IS..? |
| 105 | SUSAN'S CAROL'S... CAROL'S... FRIEND. |
| 106 | LIFE PARTNER. |
| 107 | LIKE BUDDIES. |
| 108 | LIKE LOVERS. |
| 109 | YOU KNOW HOW CLOSE WOMEN CAN GET. |
| 110 | SUSAN AND I LIVE TOGETHER. |
| 111 | ALTHOUGH I WAS MARRIED TO HER. |
| 112 | CAROL, NOT ME. |
| 113 | IT'S A LITTLE COMPLICATED. |
| 114 | A LITTLE. |
| 115 | BUT WE'RE FINE. |
| 116 | ABSOLUTELY. |
| 117 | SO TWINS? |
| 118 | THAT'S, LIKE, TWO BIRTHS. |
| 119 | OUCH! |
| 120 | ( buzzing ) |
| 121 | AND... ( buzzing ) TO YOU TOO, HELEN. |
| 122 | Nina Bookbinder is here to see you. |
| 123 | OH, OKAY. SEND HER IN. |
| 124 | HI. |
| 125 | YOU WANTED TO SEE ME? |
| 126 | UH, YES. |
| 127 | I WAS GOING OVER YOUR DATA AND A LITTLE THING-- |
| 128 | YOU'VE BEEN POSTDATING YOUR FRIDAY NUMBERS. |
| 129 | WHICH IS BAD, BECAUSE..? |
| 130 | WELL, IT THROWS MY WENUS OUT OF WHACK. |
| 131 | EXCUSE ME? |
| 132 | WENUS-- WEEKLY ESTIMATED... |
| 133 | OH! NET USAGE STATISTICS. |
| 134 | RIGHT. |
| 135 | IT WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN. |
| 136 | I WOULDN'T WANT TO DO ANYTHING TO HURT YOUR... WENUS. |
| 137 | ( stammers ) |
| 138 | IT'S NOT JUST THAT SHE'S CUTE, OKAY? |
| 139 | IT'S JUST THAT... SHE'S REALLY, REALLY CUTE. |
| 140 | IT DOESN'T MATTER. |
| 141 | YOU DON'T DIP YOUR PEN IN THE COMPANY INK. |
| 142 | ROSS, YOUR LITTLE CREATURE'S GOT THE REMOTE AGAIN. |
| 143 | MARCEL, MARCEL, GIVE ROSSY THE REMOTE. |
| 144 | MARCEL... |
| 145 | MARCEL, YOU GIVE ROSSY THE REMOTE RIGHT NOW. |
| 146 | ( audio in English ) |
| 147 | ( audio in Spanish ) |
| 148 | GREAT. |
| 149 | RELAX. I'LL FIX IT. |
| 150 | ( audio in Spanish ) |
| 151 | OH, COOL. |
| 152 | "URKEL" IN SPANISH... IS "URKEL." |
| 153 | HOW DID HE DO THIS? |
| 154 | IS LEAVING THE CHRISTMAS LIGHTS UP |
| 155 | PART OF YOUR PLAN TO KEEP US MERRY |
| 156 | ALL YEAR LONG? |
| 157 | NO. SOMEONE WAS SUPPOSED TO TAKE THEM DOWN |
| 158 | AROUND NEW YEAR'S, BUT SOMEONE FORGOT. |
| 159 | WELL, SOMEONE WAS SUPPOSED TO WRITE |
| 160 | "RACHE, TAKE DOWN THE LIGHTS" |
| 161 | AND PUT IT ON THE REFRIG... ERATOR. |
| 162 | HOW LONG HAS THAT BEEN THERE? |
| 163 | WHERE YOU BEEN? |
| 164 | I WENT BACK TO RIFF'S. |
| 165 | I THINK URSULA LIKES ME. |
| 166 | ALL I ORDERED WAS COFFEE. |
| 167 | SHE BROUGHT ME A TUNA MELT AND FOUR PLATES OF CURLY FRIES. |
| 168 | SCORE. |
| 169 | SHE IS SO HOT! |
| 170 | BEFORE YOU DO ANYTHING JOEY-LIKE |
| 171 | YOU MIGHT WANT TO RUN IT BY, UH... |
| 172 | YEAH? |
| 173 | YEAH. |
| 174 | YEAH. |
| 175 | PHEEBS, DO YOU THINK IT WOULD BE OKAY |
| 176 | IF I ASKED OUT YOUR SISTER? |
| 177 | WHY? WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO DO THAT? WHY? |
| 178 | WELL, SO THAT IF WE WENT OUT ON A DATE |
| 179 | SHE'D BE THERE. |
| 180 | WELL, I MEAN, I'M NOT MY SISTER'S |
| 181 | YOU KNOW, WHATEVER |
| 182 | AND, UH... I MEAN... |
| 183 | IT'S TRUE WE WERE ONE EGG ONCE, BUT, UH... |
| 184 | WE'VE... WE'VE GROWN APART, SO, UM... |
| 185 | I DON'T KNOW. |
| 186 | WHY NOT? |
| 187 | COOL. THANKS. |
| 188 | ARE YOU OKAY? |
| 189 | YEAH. I'M FINE. |
| 190 | YOU WANT TO WATCH LAVERNE Y SHIRLEY? |
| 191 | Cinco, seis, siete, ocho! Schlemiel! Schlamazel! |
| 192 | ( Laverne and Shirley theme playing ) |
| 193 | ( doll squeaks ) |
| 194 | SORRY. |
| 195 | HI. |
| 196 | SORRY I'M LATE. |
| 197 | UH, WHERE'S... WHERE'S CAROL? |
| 198 | STUCK AT SCHOOL. |
| 199 | SOME PARENT-TEACHER THING. |
| 200 | YOU CAN GO. I'LL GET THE INFORMATION. |
| 201 | NO... |
| 202 | NO, I THINK I SHOULD STAY. |
| 203 | I THINK WE SHOULD BOTH KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON. |
| 204 | OH, GOOD. THIS WILL BE FUN. |
| 205 | WE'RE GOING TO START WITH SOME BASIC THIRD-STAGE BREATHING EXERCISES |
| 206 | SO, MOMMIES, WHY DON'T YOU GET ON YOUR BACK |
| 207 | AND, COACHES, YOU SHOULD BE SUPPORTING MOMMY'S HEAD. |
| 208 | WHAT? WHAT? WHAT? WHAT? |
| 209 | I AM SUPPOSED TO BE THE MOMMY? |
| 210 | OKAY, I'M GOING TO PLAY MY SPERM CARD ONE MORE TIME. |
| 211 | I DON'T SEE WHY I SHOULD MISS OUT ON THE COACHING TRAINING |
| 212 | JUST BECAUSE I'M A WOMAN. |
| 213 | SO WHAT DO YOU PROPOSE TO DO? |
| 214 | I WILL FLIP YOU FOR IT. |
| 215 | NO, NO. HEADS. |
| 216 | ON YOUR BACK, MOM. |
| 217 | ALL RIGHT, MOMMIES. |
| 218 | TAKE A NICE, DEEP CLEANSING BREATH. |
| 219 | ( breathes deeply ) |
| 220 | GOOD. |
| 221 | NOW IMAGINE YOUR VAGINA IS OPENING |
| 222 | LIKE A FLOWER. |
| 223 | ( knock at door ) |
| 224 | MR. D., HOW'S IT GOING, SIR? |
| 225 | UH, IT'S BEEN BETTER. |
| 226 | THE ANNUAL NET USAGE STATISTICS ARE IN. |
| 227 | AND? |
| 228 | IT'S PRETTY UGLY. |
| 229 | WE HAVEN'T SEEN AN ANUS THIS BAD SINCE THE '70s. |
| 230 | WHAT DOES THIS MEAN? |
| 231 | WE'LL BE LAYING OFF PEOPLE |
| 232 | IN EVERY DEPARTMENT. |
| 233 | I KNOW I CAME IN LATE LAST WEEK |
| 234 | BUT I SLEPT FUNNY AND MY HAIR WAS... |
| 235 | NOT YOU. |
| 236 | RELAX. |
| 237 | EVER HAVE TO FIRE ANYONE? |
| 238 | NINA? |
| 239 | NINA... |
| 240 | NINA... |
| 241 | ( voice breaking ): NINA... |
| 242 | ARE YOU OKAY? |
| 243 | YES. YES, I AM. |
| 244 | LISTEN, THE REASON I CALLED YOU IN HERE TODAY WAS, UH... |
| 245 | PLEASE DON'T HATE ME. |
| 246 | WHAT? |
| 247 | WOULD YOU LIKE TO HAVE DINNER SOMETIME? |
| 248 | SO, PHEEBS, WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY? |
| 249 | WELL, WHAT I REALLY WANT IS FOR MY MOM TO BE ALIVE |
| 250 | AND ENJOY IT WITH ME, BUT... |
| 251 | OKAY... |
| 252 | LET ME PUT IT THIS WAY: ANYTHING FROM CRABTREE & EVELYN? |
| 253 | OOH! BATH SALTS WOULD BE NICE. |
| 254 | OH, OKAY. GOOD. |
| 255 | WHAT IS THIS PLACE? |
| 256 | YOU'RE COLD, I HAVE TO PEE |
| 257 | AND THERE'S A CUP OF COFFEE ON THE WINDOW. |
| 258 | HOW BAD COULD IT BE? |
| 259 | I THINK WE HAVE |
| 260 | AN ANSWER. |
| 261 | WHAT'S SHE DOING HERE? |
| 262 | THIS COULD BE GOD'S WAY OF TELLING US TO EAT AT HOME. |
| 263 | YOU THINK SHE GOT FIRED AT RIFF'S? |
| 264 | NO. WE WERE THERE LAST NIGHT. |
| 265 | SHE KEPT... BRINGING SWORDFISH. |
| 266 | ARE YOU GOING TO GO TO..? |
| 267 | I'LL WAIT UNTIL AFTER WE ORDER. |
| 268 | IT'S HER, RIGHT? |
| 269 | IT LOOKS LIKE... HER. |
| 270 | UM... EXCUSE ME? |
| 271 | YEAH? |
| 272 | HI! IT'S US. |
| 273 | RIGHT. AND IT'S ME. |
| 274 | SO YOU'RE HERE TOO. |
| 275 | AS MUCH AS YOU ARE. |
| 276 | YOUR TURN? |
| 277 | UH... WE KNOW |
| 278 | WHAT WE WANT. |
| 279 | OH, THAT'S GOOD. |
| 280 | ALL WE WANT IS TWO CAFFE LATTES. |
| 281 | AND SOME BISCOTTI COOKIES. |
| 282 | GOOD CHOICE. |
| 283 | IT'S DEFINITELY HER. |
| 284 | YEAH. |
| 285 | Woman: Buenos noches, John-Boy. |
| 286 | Man: Buenos noches, Jim-Bob. |
| 287 | YOU STILL HAVEN'T TOLD THAT GIRL |
| 288 | SHE DOESN'T HAVE A JOB? |
| 289 | WELL, YOU STILL HAVEN'T TAKEN DOWN |
| 290 | THE CHRISTMAS LIGHTS. |
| 291 | CONGRATULATIONS. |
| 292 | I THINK YOU'VE FOUND THE WORLD'S THINNEST ARGUMENT. |
| 293 | I'M JUST TRYING TO FIND THE RIGHT MOMENT. |
| 294 | THAT SHOULDN'T BE SO HARD NOW THAT YOU'RE DATING. |
| 295 | SWEETHEART, YOU'RE FIRED, BUT HOW ABOUT A QUICKIE |
| 296 | BEFORE I GO TO WORK? |
| 297 | HEY. |
| 298 | HEY. HEY. |
| 299 | ( knock at door ) |
| 300 | ONCE YOU'RE INSIDE |
| 301 | YOU DON'T HAVE TO KNOCK ANYMORE. |
| 302 | I'LL GET IT. |
| 303 | OH. HI, MR. HECKLES. |
| 304 | YOU'RE DOING IT AGAIN. |
| 305 | DOING WHAT? |
| 306 | WE'RE NOT DOING ANYTHING. |
| 307 | WE'RE JUST SITTING AROUND TALKING. QUIETLY. |
| 308 | I CAN HEAR YOU THROUGH THE CEILING. |
| 309 | MY CATS CAN'T SLEEP. |
| 310 | YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE CATS. |
| 311 | I COULD HAVE CATS. |
| 312 | GOOD-BYE, MR. HECKLES. |
| 313 | WE'LL TRY TO KEEP IT DOWN. |
| 314 | PHOEBE, COULD YOU DO ME A FAVOR? |
| 315 | WOULD YOU TRY THIS ON? |
| 316 | I WANT TO MAKE SURE IT FITS. |
| 317 | OH, MY FIRST BIRTHDAY PRESENT. |
| 318 | OH, THIS IS REALLY... |
| 319 | OH, NO, NO, NO. |
| 320 | IT'S FOR URSULA. |
| 321 | I JUST FIGURED SIZE-WISE... |
| 322 | OH. SURE. YEAH. |
| 323 | OKAY. FITS. |
| 324 | ARE YOU SEEING HER AGAIN? |
| 325 | YEP. ICE CAPADES. |
| 326 | THIS IS SERIOUS. |
| 327 | I'VE NEVER KNOWN YOU TO PAY MONEY |
| 328 | FOR ANY KIND OF CAPADE. |
| 329 | I DON'T KNOW. |
| 330 | I LIKE HER, YOU KNOW? |
| 331 | SHE'S DIFFERENT. |
| 332 | THERE'S, UH... |
| 333 | SOMETHING ABOUT HER... |
| 334 | THAT YOU LIKE. |
| 335 | WE GET IT. |
| 336 | YOU LIKE HER-- GREAT. |
| 337 | PHOEBE, I ASKED YOU |
| 338 | AND YOU SAID IT WAS OKAY. |
| 339 | MAYBE NOW IT'S NOT OKAY. |
| 340 | OKAY. WELL, MAYBE NOW I'M NOT OKAY WITH IT NOT BEING OKAY. |
| 341 | OKAY. |
| 342 | KNIT, GOOD WOMAN, KNIT! KNIT! |
| 343 | ( knock at door ) |
| 344 | AND THAT'S THE CHRYSLER BUILDING RIGHT THERE. |
| 345 | NINA. |
| 346 | MR. DOUGLAS. |
| 347 | COOL TIE. |
| 348 | SHE'S STILL HERE. |
| 349 | YES. YES, SHE IS. |
| 350 | DIDN'T I MEMO YOU ON THIS? |
| 351 | AFTER I LET HER GO |
| 352 | UH, I GOT A CALL FROM HER PSYCHIATRIST |
| 353 | DR. FLANE... DR. FLENNEN, DR. FLEN |
| 354 | AND, UH... |
| 355 | HE INFORMED ME THAT, UH, SHE TOOK THE NEWS RATHER BADLY. |
| 356 | IN FACT, HE MENTIONED THE WORD "FRENZY." |
| 357 | Y-YOU'RE KIDDING. |
| 358 | SHE SEEMED SO... |
| 359 | OH, NO, NO. NINA? |
| 360 | SHE IS WHOO-WHOO-WHOO- WHOO-WHOO-WHOO! |
| 361 | IN FACT, IF YOU ASKED HER RIGHT NOW |
| 362 | SHE WOULD HAVE NO RECOLLECTION OF BEING FIRED AT ALL. |
| 363 | THAT'S... UNBELIEVABLE. |
| 364 | AND YET BELIEVABLE. |
| 365 | SO I'VE DECIDED NOT TO FIRE HER AGAIN |
| 366 | UNTIL I CAN BE ASSURED THAT SHE WILL BE NO THREAT |
| 367 | TO HERSELF OR OTHERS. |
| 368 | I SEE. HMM. |
| 369 | I GUESS YOU NEVER REALLY KNOW |
| 370 | WHAT'S GOING ON INSIDE A PERSON'S HEAD. |
| 371 | WELL, I GUESS THAT'S WHY THEY CALL IT PSYCHOLOGY, SIR. |
| 372 | ( baby crying ) |
| 373 | Man: For this, after all, is the miracle of birth. |
| 374 | LIGHTS, PLEASE. |
| 375 | AND THAT'S HAVING A BABY. |
| 376 | NEXT WEEK IS OUR FINAL CLASS. |
| 377 | SUSAN, GO DEEP. |
| 378 | Carol: IT'S IMPOSSIBLE. |
| 379 | IT'S JUST, JUST IMPOSSIBLE. |
| 380 | WHAT IS, HONEY? |
| 381 | WHAT THAT WOMAN... DID. |
| 382 | I AM NOT DOING THAT. |
| 383 | IT'S JUST GOING TO HAVE TO STAY IN, THAT'S ALL. |
| 384 | EVERYTHING'LL BE THE SAME. |
| 385 | IT'LL JUST STAY IN. |
| 386 | SHH. EVERYTHING'S GOING TO BE ALL RIGHT. |
| 387 | OH, WHAT DO YOU KNOW? |
| 388 | NO ONE'S GOING UP TO YOU AND SAYING |
| 389 | "HI. IS THAT YOUR NOSTRIL? |
| 390 | MIND IF WE PUSH THIS POT ROAST THROUGH IT?!" |
| 391 | CAROL, CAROL, SWEETIE. |
| 392 | CLEANSING BREATH. |
| 393 | I KNOW IT'S FRIGHTENING |
| 394 | BUT, BIG PICTURE-- THE BIRTH PART IS JUST ONE DAY |
| 395 | AND WHEN IT'S OVER, WE'RE ALL GOING TO BE PARENTS |
| 396 | FOR THE REST OF OUR LIVES. |
| 397 | I MEAN, THAT'S WHAT THIS IS ALL ABOUT. |
| 398 | RIGHT? ROSS? |
| 399 | ROSS? |
| 400 | I'M GOING TO BE A FATHER. |
| 401 | THIS IS JUST OCCURRING TO YOU? |
| 402 | I ALWAYS KNEW I WAS HAVING A BABY. |
| 403 | I JUST NEVER REALIZED THE BABY WAS HAVING ME. |
| 404 | OH, YOU'RE GOING TO BE GREAT. |
| 405 | HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT? |
| 406 | I CAN'T EVEN GET MARCEL TO STOP EATING THE BATH MAT. |
| 407 | HOW AM I GOING TO RAISE A KID? |
| 408 | SOME SCIENTISTS ARE NOW SAYING |
| 409 | THAT MONKEYS AND BABIES ARE ACTUALLY DIFFERENT. |
| 410 | Phoebe: WHERE ARE YOU GOING? |
| 411 | OUT. |
| 412 | WITH? |
| 413 | YES. |
| 414 | CAN I JUST ASK YOU ONE QUESTION? |
| 415 | HAVE YOU TWO, YOU KNOW... LIKE, YOU KNOW? |
| 416 | YOU KNOW. |
| 417 | YET? |
| 418 | NOT THAT IT'S ANY OF YOUR BUSINESS |
| 419 | BUT NO, WE HAVEN'T. OKAY? |
| 420 | YOU MEANT SEX, RIGHT? |
| 421 | DO YOU HAVE A SEC? |
| 422 | UH, SURE, NINA. WHAT'S UP? |
| 423 | FOR THE PAST COUPLE OF DAYS, PEOPLE HAVE BEEN AVOIDING ME |
| 424 | AND GIVING ME REALLY STRANGE LOOKS. |
| 425 | OH, WELL, UH, MAYBE THAT'S BECAUSE THEY'RE, UH... |
| 426 | JEALOUS OF US. |
| 427 | MAYBE. BUT THAT DOESN'T EXPLAIN |
| 428 | WHY THEY KEEP TAKING MY SCISSORS. |
| 429 | UH, WELL, MAYBE THAT'S, UH |
| 430 | BECAUSE YOU'RE GETTING A BIG RAISE. |
| 431 | I AM? |
| 432 | SURE. WHY NOT? |
| 433 | OH, MY GOD! |
| 434 | YOU'RE AMAZING! |
| 435 | OH, YOU DON'T KNOW. |
| 436 | HELEN, MAKE SURE WE PUT THROUGH THE PAPER WORK |
| 437 | ON MS. BOOKBINDER'S RAISE. |
| 438 | You still want me to send her psychological profile |
| 439 | to Personnel? |
| 440 | WHAT? |
| 441 | HELEN DRINKS. |
| 442 | WILL YOU MARRY ME? |
| 443 | I ENDED UP TELLING HER EVERYTHING. |
| 444 | HOW'D SHE TAKE IT? |
| 445 | PRETTY WELL, EXCEPT FOR THE STAPLER THING. |
| 446 | A LITTLE TIP: IF YOU'RE EVER IN A SIMILAR SITUATION |
| 447 | NEVER EVER LEAVE YOUR HAND ON THE DESK. |
| 448 | OKAY, I THINK I GET HOW TO DO THIS. |
| 449 | ( audio in Spanish ) |
| 450 | ALL RIGHT, SO CAN WE TURN THIS OFF |
| 451 | AND MAKE THEM GO AWAY? |
| 452 | I CAN'T WATCH THIS. |
| 453 | OKAY, PHEEBS, THEY'RE GONE. |
| 454 | ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? |
| 455 | YEAH. IT'S JUST, YOU KNOW |
| 456 | IT'S THIS WHOLE STUPID URSULA THING. |
| 457 | CAN I ASK? SO HE'S GOING OUT WITH HER. |
| 458 | IS IT REALLY SO TERRIBLE? |
| 459 | UM, YEAH. |
| 460 | I'M NOT SAYING SHE'S, LIKE, EVIL, OR ANYTHING. |
| 461 | SHE JUST, YOU KNOW... SHE'S ALWAYS BREAKING MY STUFF. |
| 462 | WHEN I WAS EIGHT, AND I WOULDN'T LET HER |
| 463 | HAVE MY JUDY JETSON THERMOS, SO SHE THREW IT |
| 464 | UNDER THE BUS. |
| 465 | OH, AND THEN THERE'S RANDY BROWN |
| 466 | WHO WAS LIKE... HAVE YOU EVER HAD A BOYFRIEND |
| 467 | WHO WAS, LIKE, YOUR BEST FRIEND? |
| 468 | NO. NO. |
| 469 | WELL, BUT THAT'S WHAT HE WAS FOR ME |
| 470 | AND SHE, YOU KNOW, KIND OF STOLE HIM AWAY |
| 471 | AND THEN BROKE HIS HEART |
| 472 | AND THEN HE WOULDN'T EVEN TALK TO ME ANYMORE |
| 473 | 'CAUSE HE SAID HE DIDN'T WANT TO BE AROUND ANYTHING |
| 474 | THAT LOOKED LIKE EITHER ONE OF US. |
| 475 | OH, PHEEBS... |
| 476 | I MEAN, I KNOW JOEY IS NOT MY BOYFRIEND |
| 477 | OR MY THERMOS... |
| 478 | YOU KNOW, OR ANYTHING, BUT... |
| 479 | HEY, YOU'RE NOT |
| 480 | GOING TO LOSE HIM. |
| 481 | YOU'VE GOT TO TALK TO JOEY. |
| 482 | YEAH. |
| 483 | HE DOESN'T KNOW THIS STUFF. |
| 484 | IF HE KNEW HOW YOU FELT... |
| 485 | HE'S FALLING IN LOVE WITH HER. |
| 486 | OH, PLEASE. |
| 487 | THEY'VE BEEN GOING OUT A WEEK. |
| 488 | THEY HAVEN'T EVEN SLEPT TOGETHER YET. |
| 489 | I MEAN, THAT'S NOT SERIOUS. |
| 490 | OKAY. OKAY. |
| 491 | OKAY. OH... |
| 492 | OH! |
| 493 | YEAH, UM... |
| 494 | MAY WE HELP YOU? |
| 495 | RACHEL, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? |
| 496 | IT'S FREEZING OUT HERE. |
| 497 | WOULD YOU COME BACK INSIDE? |
| 498 | NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. |
| 499 | YOU WANTED ME TO TAKE THEM DOWN |
| 500 | SO I'M TAKING THEM DOWN, OKAY? |
| 501 | WHOA. WHOA! |
| 502 | RACHEL! |
| 503 | RACHEL! |
| 504 | I'M OKAY! I'M OKAY! |
| 505 | MR. HECKLES? |
| 506 | MR. HECKLES, COULD YOU HELP ME, PLEASE? |
| 507 | SEE, THIS IS JUST THE KIND OF THING |
| 508 | I WAS TALKING ABOUT. |
| 509 | |
| 1 | PREVIOUSLY: |
| 2 | EXCUSE ME, MISS. |
| 3 | IT'S PHOEBE. |
| 4 | WOULD THAT BE ALL? |
| 5 | THEY'RE TWINS. |
| 6 | PHOEBE'S PHOEBE. |
| 7 | URSULA'S... HOT. |
| 8 | IT'S FOR URSULA. |
| 9 | SURE. HERE. |
| 10 | OKAY, IT FITS. |
| 11 | MARCEL, GIVE ROSSY THE REMOTE. |
| 12 | ( audio in Spanish ) |
| 13 | HOW DID HE DO THIS? |
| 14 | IT'S THIS WHOLE STUPID URSULA THING. |
| 15 | HE'S GOING OUT WITH HER. |
| 16 | IS IT REALLY SO TERRIBLE? |
| 17 | YOU DON'T KNOW HER. |
| 18 | TALK TO JOEY. |
| 19 | HE'S FALLING IN LOVE WITH HER. |
| 20 | YOU WON'T LOSE HIM. |
| 21 | THEY HAVEN'T EVEN SLEPT TOGETHER YET. |
| 22 | IT'S NOT SERIOUS. |
| 23 | OH! |
| 24 | UM... YEAH... |
| 25 | MAY WE HELP YOU? |
| 26 | ( yelping ) |
| 27 | RACHEL! |
| 28 | I'M OKAY! I'M OKAY! |
| 29 | Rachel: OW, OW, OW. |
| 30 | Monica: OW, OW, OW. |
| 31 | OW, OW, OW. |
| 32 | OW, OW, OW. |
| 33 | HI. MY FRIEND WAS TAKING DOWN |
| 34 | OUR CHRISTMAS LIGHTS |
| 35 | AND FELL OFF THE BALCONY |
| 36 | AND PROBABLY BROKE HER FOOT. |
| 37 | YOU STILL HAVE YOUR CHRISTMAS LIGHTS UP?! |
| 38 | FILL THIS OUT |
| 39 | AND BRING IT BACK TO ME. |
| 40 | OW, OW, OW. |
| 41 | OW, OW, OW. |
| 42 | OKAY. OKAY. |
| 43 | OOH. ALL RIGHT. |
| 44 | NAME. |
| 45 | ADDRESS. |
| 46 | OKAY. IN CASE OF EMERGENCY, CALL..? |
| 47 | YOU. |
| 48 | REALLY? |
| 49 | YEAH. |
| 50 | OH, THAT'S SO SWEET. |
| 51 | OH, GOSH. |
| 52 | I LOVE YOU. |
| 53 | INSURANCE? |
| 54 | OH, YEAH. CHECK IT. |
| 55 | DEFINITELY WILL WANT SOME. |
| 56 | YOU DON'T HAVE INSURANCE? |
| 57 | WHY? HOW MUCH WILL THIS COST? |
| 58 | X RAYS ALONE COULD BE A COUPLE HUNDRED DOLLARS. |
| 59 | WHAT WILL WE DO? |
| 60 | THERE'S NOT MUCH WE CAN DO. |
| 61 | UM... UNLESS, UNLESS I USE YOURS. |
| 62 | NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. |
| 63 | NOW, WAIT A SECOND. |
| 64 | WHO DID I JUST PUT |
| 65 | AS MY "IN CASE OF EMERGENCY" PERSON? |
| 66 | THAT'S INSURANCE FRAUD. |
| 67 | WELL, ALL RIGHT. |
| 68 | THEN, FORGET IT. |
| 69 | MIGHT AS WELL JUST GO HOME. |
| 70 | OW! OW! OW! |
| 71 | OKAY. COME HERE. |
| 72 | I HATE THIS. |
| 73 | THANK YOU. |
| 74 | I LOVE YOU. |
| 75 | HI. |
| 76 | UM, I'M GOING TO NEED A NEW SET OF THESE FORMS. |
| 77 | WHY? |
| 78 | I AM REALLY AN IDIOT. |
| 79 | YOU SEE |
| 80 | I WAS FILLING OUT MY FRIEND'S FORM |
| 81 | AND INSTEAD OF PUTTING HER INFORMATION |
| 82 | I PUT MINE. |
| 83 | YOU ARE AN IDIOT. |
| 84 | YEP. THAT'S ME. |
| 85 | I'M THAT STUPID. |
| 86 | I HAD A DREAM LAST NIGHT |
| 87 | WHERE I WAS PLAYING FOOTBALL WITH MY KID. |
| 88 | Both: THAT'S NICE. |
| 89 | NO. WITH HIM. |
| 90 | I'M ON THIS FIELD, AND THEY HIKE ME THE BABY. |
| 91 | AND I KNOW |
| 92 | I'VE GOT TO DO SOMETHING |
| 93 | 'CAUSE THE TAMPA BAY DEFENSE |
| 94 | IS COMING RIGHT AT ME. |
| 95 | TAMPA BAY HAS A TERRIBLE TEAM. |
| 96 | RIGHT, BUT... |
| 97 | IT IS JUST ME AND THE BABY |
| 98 | SO I'M THINKING THEY CAN TAKE US. |
| 99 | AND SO, I, UH... I JUST HEAVE IT DOWNFIELD! |
| 100 | YOU'RE CRAZY?! THAT'S A BABY! |
| 101 | HE SHOULD TAKE THE SACK? |
| 102 | ANYWAY, SUDDENLY I'M DOWNFIELD, AND I REALIZE THAT I'M THE ONE |
| 103 | WHO'S SUPPOSED TO CATCH HIM, RIGHT? |
| 104 | ONLY I KNOW THERE IS NO WAY I'LL GET THERE IN TIME. |
| 105 | SO I AM RUNNING AND I'M RUNNING |
| 106 | AND THAT IS WHEN I WOKE UP. |
| 107 | SEE, I AM SO NOT READY TO BE A FATHER. |
| 108 | HEY, YOU'RE GOING TO BE FINE. |
| 109 | YOU'RE ONE OF THE MOST CARING |
| 110 | MOST RESPONSIBLE MEN |
| 111 | IN NORTH AMERICA. |
| 112 | YOU'LL MAKE A GREAT DAD. |
| 113 | YEAH. YOU AND THE BABY JUST NEED BETTER BLOCKING. |
| 114 | HAVE EITHER ONE OF YOU |
| 115 | EVER BEEN TO THE RAINBOW ROOM? |
| 116 | IS IT REAL EXPENSIVE? |
| 117 | ONLY IF YOU ORDER STUFF. |
| 118 | I'M TAKING URSULA TONIGHT. |
| 119 | IT'S HER BIRTHDAY. |
| 120 | WHOA. WHAT ABOUT PHOEBE'S BIRTHDAY? |
| 121 | WHEN'S THAT? |
| 122 | UH... |
| 123 | TONIGHT. |
| 124 | AH, MAN. |
| 125 | WHAT ARE THE ODDS OF THAT HAPPENING? |
| 126 | YOU TAKE YOUR TIME. |
| 127 | THERE IT IS. |
| 128 | SO WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO? |
| 129 | WHAT CAN I DO? |
| 130 | LOOK, I DON'T WANT TO SCREW IT UP WITH URSULA. |
| 131 | AND YOUR FRIEND PHOEBE? |
| 132 | IF SHE'S MY FRIEND, HOPEFULLY SHE'LL UNDERSTAND. |
| 133 | WOULDN'T YOU GUYS? |
| 134 | MAN, IF YOU TRIED SOMETHING LIKE THAT |
| 135 | ON MY BIRTHDAY |
| 136 | YOU'D BE STARING AT THE BUSINESS END |
| 137 | OF A HISSY FIT. |
| 138 | YOU ADD A PINCH OF SAFFRON. |
| 139 | IT MAKES ALL THE DIFFERENCE. |
| 140 | OKAY. |
| 141 | UHH... MONICA. |
| 142 | YES. |
| 143 | YES, SHE IS. |
| 144 | HI. |
| 145 | THIS IS MY FRIEND RACHEL. |
| 146 | HI, RACHEL. |
| 147 | I'M DR. MITCHELL. |
| 148 | AND I'M HIS FRIEND, DR. ROSEN. |
| 149 | YOU'RE A LITTLE CUTE TO BE A DOCTOR. |
| 150 | EXCUSE ME? |
| 151 | I MEANT "YOUNG." |
| 152 | YOUNG TO BE A DOCTOR. |
| 153 | GOOD, RACH. |
| 154 | THANK YOU. |
| 155 | RIGHT. |
| 156 | SO HE SAID IT WAS JUST A SPRAIN |
| 157 | AND THAT WAS IT. |
| 158 | YOU LEFT OUT THE STUPID PART. |
| 159 | IT'S NOT STUPID. |
| 160 | THE VERY CUTE DOCTORS ASKED US OUT |
| 161 | FOR TOMORROW NIGHT, AND I SAID YES. |
| 162 | I THINK IT'S TOTALLY INSANE. |
| 163 | THEY WORK FOR THE HOSPITAL. |
| 164 | IT'S LIKE RETURNING TO THE SCENE |
| 165 | OF THE CRIME. |
| 166 | I SAY WE BLOW OFF THE DATES. |
| 167 | WHAT?! |
| 168 | MONICA, THEY ARE CUTE. |
| 169 | THEY ARE DOCTORS. |
| 170 | CUTE DOCTORS. |
| 171 | DOCTORS WHO ARE CUTE. |
| 172 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 173 | WHAT HAVE WE LEARNED SO FAR? |
| 174 | ( knocking ) |
| 175 | OH, GOD. OKAY. |
| 176 | All: SURPRISE! |
| 177 | WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING? |
| 178 | YOU SCARED THE CRAP OUT OF ME. |
| 179 | WAS THAT THE CAKE? |
| 180 | YEAH. YEP. |
| 181 | I GOT A LEMON SHMUSH. |
| 182 | COME ON. SHE'LL BE HERE SOON. |
| 183 | Rachel: OH, I HOPE IT'S OKAY. |
| 184 | "HAPPY BIRTHDAY, PEEHEE." |
| 185 | MAYBE WE CAN MAKE A "B" OUT OF A ROSE. |
| 186 | WE'LL JUST USE OUR SPECIAL CAKE TOOLS. |
| 187 | HEY, WHAT'S GOING ON? |
| 188 | All: SURPRISE! |
| 189 | OH! OH! OH! |
| 190 | THIS IS SO GREAT! |
| 191 | OH, MY GOD! |
| 192 | THIS WAS NOT AT ALL SCARY. |
| 193 | HI, EVERYBODY. HI, BETTY. |
| 194 | BETTY! HI! |
| 195 | YOU FOUND BETTY! |
| 196 | THIS IS SO GREAT. |
| 197 | OH, EVERYBODY I LOVE IS IN THE SAME ROOM, OH. |
| 198 | WHERE'S JOEY? |
| 199 | DID YOU SEE BETTY? |
| 200 | I WOULDN'T MIND HAVING |
| 201 | A PIECE OF THIS SUN-DRIED |
| 202 | TOMATO BUSINESS. |
| 203 | FIVE YEARS AGO, IF SOMEBODY HAD SAID TO ME |
| 204 | "HERE'S A TOMATO THAT LOOKS LIKE A PRUNE" |
| 205 | I'D HAVE SAID, "GET OUT OF MY OFFICE." |
| 206 | DAD, BEFORE I WAS BORN, DID YOU FREAK OUT AT ALL? |
| 207 | I'M NOT FREAKING OUT! |
| 208 | I'M JUST SAYING |
| 209 | IF SOMEONE HAD COME TO ME... |
| 210 | DAD, DAD, DAD... |
| 211 | I'M TALKING ABOUT THE WHOLE BABY THING. |
| 212 | DID YOU EVER GET THIS SORT OF... |
| 213 | PANICKY, "OH, MY GOD, I'M GOING TO BE A FATHER" |
| 214 | KIND OF A THING? |
| 215 | NO. |
| 216 | YOUR MOTHER DID THE WORK. |
| 217 | I WAS BUSY WITH THE BUSINESS. |
| 218 | I WASN'T AROUND THAT MUCH. |
| 219 | IS THAT WHAT THIS IS ABOUT? |
| 220 | NO, DAD. I WAS JUST WONDERING... |
| 221 | 'CAUSE THERE'S TIME TO MAKE UP FOR THAT. |
| 222 | YOU ALWAYS WANTED TO GO TO THAT COLONIAL WILLIAMSBURG. |
| 223 | HOW ABOUT WE DO THAT? |
| 224 | THANKS, DAD, REALLY. |
| 225 | I JU... YOU KNOW, I JUST... |
| 226 | I JUST... I JUST NEEDED TO KNOW, UM... |
| 227 | WHEN DID YOU START TO FEEL LIKE A FATHER? |
| 228 | OH. |
| 229 | WELL, I GUESS IT MUST HAVE BEEN... |
| 230 | THE DAY AFTER YOU WERE BORN. |
| 231 | WE WERE IN THE HOSPITAL ROOM. |
| 232 | YOUR MOTHER WAS ASLEEP |
| 233 | AND THEY BROUGHT YOU IN |
| 234 | AND GAVE YOU TO ME. |
| 235 | YOU WERE THIS UGLY LITTLE RED THING. |
| 236 | ( chuckles ) |
| 237 | AND ALL OF A SUDDEN |
| 238 | YOU GRABBED MY FINGER WITH YOUR WHOLE FIST |
| 239 | AND YOU SQUEEZED IT SO TIGHT. |
| 240 | AND THAT'S WHEN I KNEW. |
| 241 | SO YOU DON'T WANT TO GO |
| 242 | TO WILLIAMSBURG? |
| 243 | WE CAN GO TO WILLIAMSBURG. |
| 244 | EAT YOUR FISH. |
| 245 | ( audio in Spanish ) |
| 246 | RACHEL, THE CUTE DOCTORS ARE HERE. |
| 247 | HI. COME ON IN. |
| 248 | Both: HI. |
| 249 | HI. |
| 250 | WE BROUGHT WINE. |
| 251 | IT'S FROM THE CELLARS |
| 252 | OF ERNEST AND TOVA BORGNINE. |
| 253 | SO, HOW COULD WE RESIST? |
| 254 | OH, THAT'S GREAT! |
| 255 | MONICA, HOW'S THE ANKLE? |
| 256 | IT'S... |
| 257 | ( Rachel clearing throat ) |
| 258 | WHY DON'T YOU TELL THEM? |
| 259 | AFTER ALL, IT IS YOUR ANKLE. |
| 260 | IT'S FEELING A LOT BETTER. |
| 261 | THANK YOU. |
| 262 | LISTEN, GUYS, SIT DOWN |
| 263 | AND WE'LL GET YOU SOME GLASSES. |
| 264 | OKAY. |
| 265 | OKAY. |
| 266 | STAT. |
| 267 | LISTEN. I'M THINKING |
| 268 | LET'S JUST TELL THEM WHO WE ARE. |
| 269 | I REALLY THINK IT'LL BE FINE. |
| 270 | IT WILL NOT BE FINE. |
| 271 | WE'LL GET IN TROUBLE. |
| 272 | WOULD YOU STOP BEING SUCH A WUSS. |
| 273 | A WUSS? |
| 274 | EXCUSE ME FOR LIVING IN THE REAL WORLD. |
| 275 | SO? |
| 276 | SO THEY STILL SEEM NORMAL. |
| 277 | THEY ARE NORMAL. |
| 278 | BUT YOU HAVE TO ADMIT |
| 279 | EVERY TIME WE GO OUT WITH WOMEN |
| 280 | WE MEET AT THE HOSPITAL... |
| 281 | RELAX. LOOK AROUND. |
| 282 | THERE ARE NO PAGAN ALTARS. |
| 283 | NO PILES OF BONES IN THE CORNERS. |
| 284 | THEY'RE FINE. |
| 285 | GO LIKE THIS. |
| 286 | I SAID WE ARE NOT GOING TO DO IT. |
| 287 | SOMETIMES YOU CAN BE SUCH A BIG BABY. |
| 288 | I AM NOT A BABY. |
| 289 | SERIOUS. I MEAN, EVERY TIME... |
| 290 | YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 291 | WHAT? |
| 292 | YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 293 | WHAT?! |
| 294 | EVERY DAY, YOU ARE BECOMING |
| 295 | MORE AND MORE LIKE YOUR MOTHER. |
| 296 | EXCUSE ME. |
| 297 | HELLO! HERE WE GO! |
| 298 | THIS IS A GREAT PLACE. |
| 299 | HOW LONG HAVE YOU LIVED HERE? |
| 300 | THANKS. I'VE BEEN HERE ABOUT SIX YEARS. |
| 301 | AND RACHEL MOVED IN A FEW MONTHS AGO. |
| 302 | YEAH. |
| 303 | SEE, I WAS SUPPOSED TO GET MARRIED, BUT, UM... |
| 304 | I LEFT THE GUY AT THE ALTAR. |
| 305 | HMM. |
| 306 | REALLY? |
| 307 | YEAH. |
| 308 | YEAH, I KNOW IT'S PRETTY SELFISH |
| 309 | BUT, HEY, THAT'S ME. |
| 310 | WHY DON'T YOU TRY THE HUMMUS? |
| 311 | SO, MONICA, WHAT DO YOU DO? |
| 312 | UHH... I AM A CHEF AT A RESTAURANT UPTOWN. |
| 313 | GOOD FOR YOU. |
| 314 | YEAH, IT IS. |
| 315 | MOSTLY BECAUSE I GET TO BOSS PEOPLE AROUND |
| 316 | WHICH I JUST LOVE TO DO. |
| 317 | WELL, THIS HUMMUS IS GREAT. |
| 318 | GOD BLESS THE CHICK-PEA. |
| 319 | ( breaking into laughter ) |
| 320 | OH, GOD. |
| 321 | I AM SO SPOILED. |
| 322 | THAT'S IT. |
| 323 | AND BY THE WAY |
| 324 | HAVE I MENTIONED THAT BACK IN HIGH SCHOOL |
| 325 | I WAS A COW? |
| 326 | I USED TO WET MY BED. |
| 327 | I USED MY BREASTS TO GET PEOPLE'S ATTENTION. |
| 328 | WE BOTH DO THAT. |
| 329 | ( phone ringing ) |
| 330 | ( ringing continues ) |
| 331 | MONICA AND RACHEL'S APARTMENT. |
| 332 | UH, JUST ONE SECOND. |
| 333 | UH, RACHEL-- |
| 334 | IT'S YOUR DAD. |
| 335 | HI, DAD. |
| 336 | NO. IT'S ME. |
| 337 | LISTEN, DAD, I CAN'T TALK RIGHT NOW. |
| 338 | BUT THERE'S SOMETHING, UM... |
| 339 | THERE'S SOMETHING THAT |
| 340 | I'VE BEEN MEANING TO TELL YOU. |
| 341 | EXCUSE ME A SECOND. |
| 342 | REMEMBER BACK IN FRESHMAN YEAR? |
| 343 | BILLY DRESKIN AND I HAD SEX |
| 344 | ON YOUR BED. |
| 345 | ( gasping ) |
| 346 | DADDY... DADDY, WHY? |
| 347 | WHY WOULD I SLEEP WITH BILLY DRESKIN? |
| 348 | HIS FATHER TRIED TO PUT YOU OUT OF BUSINESS. |
| 349 | YOU ARE DEAD! |
| 350 | ROSS, HE'S GOT THE REMOTE AGAIN. |
| 351 | GOOD. |
| 352 | MAYBE HE CAN SWITCH IT BACK. |
| 353 | ( TV audio in Spanish ) |
| 354 | MAYBE NOT. |
| 355 | HELLO? |
| 356 | UM... YEAH. |
| 357 | UH... OKAY. |
| 358 | HOLD ON A SECOND. |
| 359 | LET ME JUST SEE IF SHE'S HERE. |
| 360 | IT'S THE WOMAN FROM THE HOSPITAL |
| 361 | ADMISSIONS OFFICE. |
| 362 | THERE'S A PROBLEM WITH THE FORM. |
| 363 | OH, GOD. WHAT DO WE DO? |
| 364 | I DON'T KNOW. |
| 365 | FIND OUT WHAT THEY WANT. |
| 366 | OKAY. NO, YOU DO IT. |
| 367 | HELLO. THIS IS MONICA. |
| 368 | YEAH? |
| 369 | OH. |
| 370 | OKAY. |
| 371 | YES, WE'LL BE RIGHT DOWN. |
| 372 | THANK YOU. |
| 373 | WHAT? |
| 374 | WE FORGOT TO SIGN |
| 375 | ONE OF THE ADMISSIONS FORMS. |
| 376 | OKAY, YOU WERE RIGHT. |
| 377 | THIS WAS NOT WORTH IT. |
| 378 | THANK YOU. |
| 379 | OKAY, LET ME JUST CHANGE. |
| 380 | HEY. |
| 381 | HEY.HI. HEY. |
| 382 | TROUBLE? |
| 383 | YOUR SISTER STOOD ME UP THE OTHER NIGHT. |
| 384 | OH, NO. DON'T YOU HATE IT |
| 385 | WHEN PEOPLE AREN'T THERE FOR YOU? |
| 386 | DID YOU TRY CALLING HER? |
| 387 | I'VE BEEN TRYING FOR TWO DAYS. |
| 388 | WHEN I CALLED THE RESTAURANT |
| 389 | THEY SAID SHE WAS TOO BUSY TO TALK. |
| 390 | I CAN'T BELIEVE SHE'S BLOWING ME OFF. |
| 391 | HEY. |
| 392 | OH. |
| 393 | HAVE YOU GOT A MINUTE? |
| 394 | YEAH. I'M JUST WORKING. |
| 395 | SO... |
| 396 | UH-HUH. |
| 397 | UM... OH, I GOT YOU A BIRTHDAY PRESENT. |
| 398 | OH, WOW, YOU REMEMBERED. |
| 399 | OH, IT'S A JUDY JETSON THERMOS. |
| 400 | THE KIND YOU... |
| 401 | RIGHT. |
| 402 | I GOT SOMETHING FOR YOU TOO. |
| 403 | HOW'D YOU KNOW |
| 404 | I WAS COMING? |
| 405 | UM... YEAH, UM, TWIN THING. |
| 406 | I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DID THIS. |
| 407 | I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU... DID THIS. |
| 408 | SO... |
| 409 | WHAT'S THE DEAL WITH YOU AND JOEY? |
| 410 | OH, RIGHT. |
| 411 | HE IS SO GREAT. |
| 412 | BUT THAT'S OVER. |
| 413 | DOES HE KNOW? |
| 414 | WHO? |
| 415 | JOEY. |
| 416 | YOU KNOW, UM... |
| 417 | HE'S REALLY NUTSY ABOUT YOU. |
| 418 | HE IS? WHY? |
| 419 | YOU GOT ME. |
| 420 | EXCUSE ME. |
| 421 | DOESN'T THIS COME WITH A SIDE SALAD? |
| 422 | SO, ARE YOU GOING TO CALL HIM? |
| 423 | YOU THINK HE LIKES ME? |
| 424 | NO, JOEY. |
| 425 | OH. NO. |
| 426 | NO. HE IS SO SMART. |
| 427 | HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT. |
| 428 | DO YOU WANT SOME CHICKEN? |
| 429 | NO. NO FOOD WITH A FACE. |
| 430 | YOU HAVE NOT CHANGED. |
| 431 | YEAH, YOU TOO. |
| 432 | HI. REMEMBER US? |
| 433 | MM-HMM. |
| 434 | YOU JUST CALLED A LITTLE WHILE AGO |
| 435 | ABOUT NEEDING A SIGNATURE ON THE ADMISSIONS FORM. |
| 436 | WELL, IT TURNS OUT WE NEED A WHOLE NEW ONE |
| 437 | BECAUSE, YOU SEE, I PUT THE WRONG NAME AGAIN |
| 438 | 'CAUSE, UM... |
| 439 | YOU'RE THAT STUPID. |
| 440 | I AM. |
| 441 | I'M THAT STUPID. |
| 442 | YEAH, AND I'M JUST GOING |
| 443 | TO PAY FOR THIS WITH A CHECK. |
| 444 | WELL, YOUR INSURANCE WILL COVER THAT. |
| 445 | YEAH, I KNOW. |
| 446 | I'M JUST NOT THAT BRIGHT EITHER. |
| 447 | OKAY, WORST CASE SCENARIO. |
| 448 | SAY YOU NEVER FEEL LIKE A FATHER. |
| 449 | SAY YOUR SON NEVER FEELS |
| 450 | CONNECTED TO YOU AS ONE. |
| 451 | SAY ALL OF HIS RELATIONSHIPS |
| 452 | ARE AFFECTED BY THIS. |
| 453 | DO YOU HAVE A POINT? |
| 454 | YOU KNOW, YOU'D THINK I WOULD. |
| 455 | WHAT'S UP WITH THE SIMIAN? |
| 456 | IT'S JUST A FURBALL. |
| 457 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 458 | OKAY, WHOSE TURN IS IT? |
| 459 | YOURS. |
| 460 | I JUST GOT 43 POINTS FOR "KIDNEY." |
| 461 | NO, YOU GOT ZERO POINTS FOR "IDNEY." |
| 462 | HEY, WHERE'S MY "K"? |
| 463 | ( choking ) |
| 464 | YOU'VE GOT TO HELP ME. |
| 465 | MY MONKEY SWALLOWED A "K." |
| 466 | YOU'LL HAVE TO GET |
| 467 | THAT ANIMAL OUT OF HERE. |
| 468 | THE ANIMAL HOSPITAL IS WAY ACROSS TOWN. |
| 469 | HE'S CHOKING. |
| 470 | WHAT'S GOING ON? |
| 471 | MARCEL SWALLOWED A SCRABBLE TILE. |
| 472 | OH. |
| 473 | EXCUSE ME. |
| 474 | THIS HOSPITAL IS FOR PEOPLE. |
| 475 | LADY, HE IS PEOPLE. |
| 476 | HE HAS A NAME, OKAY? |
| 477 | HE WATCHES JEOPARDY |
| 478 | HE TOUCHES HIMSELF WHEN NOBODY'S WATCHING. |
| 479 | PLEASE, PLEASE, HAVE A HEART. |
| 480 | I'LL LOOK AT HIM. |
| 481 | OH, THANK YOU. OH, THANK YOU. |
| 482 | MICHAEL! MICHAEL! |
| 483 | RACHEL. |
| 484 | WHAT? |
| 485 | MONICA. |
| 486 | HI. OH. |
| 487 | HEY... |
| 488 | URS... WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? |
| 489 | I'VE BEEN TRYING TO CALL YOU. |
| 490 | LISTEN, UM... |
| 491 | NO, NO, NO, DON'T SAY, "LISTEN." |
| 492 | I KNOW THAT "LISTEN." |
| 493 | I'VE SAID THAT "LISTEN." |
| 494 | I'M SORRY. |
| 495 | I DON'T GET IT. |
| 496 | WHAT HAPPENED? |
| 497 | WHAT ABOUT EVERYTHING YOU SAID UNDER THE BRIDGE? |
| 498 | YEAH, UM... |
| 499 | YOU KNOW, YOU SHOULD JUST FORGET ABOUT |
| 500 | WHAT I SAID UNDER THE BRIDGE. |
| 501 | I WAS TALKING CRAZY THAT NIGHT. |
| 502 | I WAS SO DRUNK. |
| 503 | YOU DON'T DRINK. |
| 504 | THAT'S RIGHT, I DON'T. |
| 505 | BUT I WAS DRUNK ON YOU. |
| 506 | OH, URS. |
| 507 | YEAH, SO IT'S NOT GOING TO WORK. |
| 508 | WHY? IS IT BECAUSE I'M FRIENDS WITH PHOEBE? |
| 509 | IF IT WAS, WOULD YOU STOP HANGING OUT WITH HER? |
| 510 | NO. |
| 511 | NO. I COULDN'T DO THAT. |
| 512 | THEN, YEAH. |
| 513 | IT'S 'CAUSE OF PHOEBE. |
| 514 | SO, IT'S EITHER HER OR ME. |
| 515 | THEN, UH... THEN I'M SORRY. |
| 516 | YOU KNOW, YOU'RE GOING TO BE REALLY HARD TO GET OVER. |
| 517 | I KNOW. |
| 518 | I DON'T KNOW WHETHER IT'S JUST 'CAUSE WE'RE BREAKING UP OR WHAT |
| 519 | BUT YOU HAVE NEVER LOOKED SO BEAUTIFUL. |
| 520 | REALLY? |
| 521 | PHEEBS? |
| 522 | YEAH? |
| 523 | HE LOOKS SO TINY. |
| 524 | WE JUST GOT THE MESSAGE. |
| 525 | IS HE ALL RIGHT? |
| 526 | YEAH. THE DOCTOR GOT THE "K" OUT. |
| 527 | HE ALSO FOUND AN "M" AND AN "O." |
| 528 | WE THINK HE WAS TRYING TO SPELL OUT "MONKEY." |
| 529 | WELL, THE DOCTOR SAYS HE'S GOING TO BE FINE. |
| 530 | HE'S JUST SLEEPING NOW. |
| 531 | SO, YOU FEEL LIKE A DAD YET? |
| 532 | NO. WHY? |
| 533 | HEY, COME ON. |
| 534 | YOU CAME THROUGH. |
| 535 | YOU DID WHAT YOU HAD TO DO. |
| 536 | THAT'S VERY DAD. |
| 537 | OH, LOOK. |
| 538 | HE'S WAKING UP. |
| 539 | HEY, FELLA. |
| 540 | HOW YOU DOING? |
| 541 | ♪ IN A NEW YORK MINUTE ♪ |
| 542 | ♪ OOH-EE-OOH ♪ |
| 543 | ♪ EVERYTHING CAN CHANGE ♪ |
| 544 | ♪ IN A NEW YORK MINUTE... ♪ |
| 545 | [Captioning sponsored by NBC and WARNER BROS. TELEVISION] |
| 546 | ¿A QUIEN PIDIO EL POLLO GENERAL TSO? |
| 547 | PUDO AVICIEDO GENERAL TSO. |
| 548 | MIRA, MIRA, EL VIEJO DESNUDO ESTA ESIENDO EL HULA HOOP. |
| 549 | Todo: HOLA, JOEY! |
| 550 | HOLA, AMIGOS. |
| 551 | MIRA, ROSS, MARCEL SE LLEVO EL CONTROL REMOTO. |
| 552 | LO QUE SUCEDIO ES QUE NO LE GUSTA LA TELE. |
| 553 | [Captioned by The Caption Center WGBH Educational Foundation] |
| 554 | |
| 1 | ( whistling "Colonel Bogey March" ) |
| 2 | Ross: OH, RACH, WE'RE RUNNING LOW |
| 3 | ON RESUMES OVER HERE. |
| 4 | DO YOU REALLY WANT A JOB WITH POPULAR MECHANICS? |
| 5 | IF YOU'RE GOING TO WORK FOR A MECHANIC |
| 6 | THOSE ARE THE ONES TO WORK FOR. |
| 7 | LOOK, I'M GOING FOR ANYTHING. |
| 8 | I CANNOT BE A WAITRESS ANYMORE. |
| 9 | I'M SICK OF THE LOUSY TIPS |
| 10 | SICK OF BEING CALLED "EXCUSE ME." |
| 11 | Ross: RACH, DID YOU |
| 12 | PROOFREAD THESE? |
| 13 | UH, YEAH. WHY? |
| 14 | UH, NOTHING. I'M SURE THEY'LL BE IMPRESSED |
| 15 | WITH YOUR EXCELLENT "COMPUPER" SKILLS. |
| 16 | OH, MY GOD! |
| 17 | OH, DO YOU THINK IT'S ON ALL OF THEM? |
| 18 | OH, NO. I'M SURE THE XEROX MACHINE CAUGHT A FEW. |
| 19 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 20 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 21 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 22 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 23 | ♪ AND IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY ♪ |
| 24 | ♪ YOUR WEEK, YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 25 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 26 | ♪ WHEN THE RAIN STARTS TO FALL ♪ |
| 27 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 28 | ♪ LIKE I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE ♪ |
| 29 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 30 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME TOO. ♪ |
| 31 | HEY, GUYS. |
| 32 | Both: HEY. |
| 33 | HEY. |
| 34 | HI, LADIES. |
| 35 | UH, CAN I GET YOU ANYTHING? |
| 36 | DID YOU BRING THE MAIL? |
| 37 | LOTS OF RESPONSES. |
| 38 | REALLY? SURE WE HAVE SCONES LEFT. |
| 39 | OKAY, READ THEM TO ME. |
| 40 | "DEAR MS. GREEN, THANK YOU FOR YOUR INQUIRY. |
| 41 | HOWEVER..." |
| 42 | WE HAVE APPLE CINNAMON... |
| 43 | OKAY, "DEAR MS. GREEN..." |
| 44 | YEP, YEP, YEP. |
| 45 | NO. |
| 46 | WOW. WHAT? |
| 47 | YOUR VISA BILL IS HUGE. |
| 48 | GIVE ME THAT. |
| 49 | LINDA IS SO GREAT. |
| 50 | WHY WON'T YOU GO OUT WITH HER AGAIN? |
| 51 | I DON'T KNOW. |
| 52 | IS THIS STILL ABOUT HER WHOLE |
| 53 | "THE FLINTSTONES COULD HAVE REALLY HAPPENED" THING? |
| 54 | NO. IT'S NOT JUST THAT. |
| 55 | IT'S JUST I WANT SOMEONE WHO DOES SOMETHING FOR ME. |
| 56 | WHO GETS MY HEART POUNDING. |
| 57 | WHO... WHO MAKES ME, UH... |
| 58 | LITTLE PLAYTHINGS WITH YARN? |
| 59 | WHAT? |
| 60 | COULD YOU WANT HER MORE? |
| 61 | WHO? |
| 62 | DEE, THE SARCASTIC SISTER FROM WHAT'S HAPPENING. |
| 63 | LOOK, I... |
| 64 | LOOK, I AM TOTALLY, TOTALLY OVER HER, OKAY... |
| 65 | HI. HI. CAN I HELP YOU? |
| 66 | NO. WE'RE FINE. |
| 67 | OKAY. |
| 68 | ( laughs ) |
| 69 | SHUT UP! |
| 70 | WE'RE NOT SAYING ANYTHING. |
| 71 | WHAT? UH, JOEY CRIED LAST NIGHT. |
| 72 | THANK YOU. |
| 73 | WE WERE PLAYING POKER, ALL RIGHT... |
| 74 | THERE WAS CHOCOLATE ON THE "THREE." |
| 75 | IT LOOKED LIKE AN "EIGHT," ALL RIGHT? |
| 76 | YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN HIM. |
| 77 | "READ 'EM AND WEEP." |
| 78 | AND THEN HE DID. |
| 79 | NOW, HOW COME YOU GUYS |
| 80 | HAVE NEVER PLAYED POKER WITH US? |
| 81 | YEAH, WHAT IS THAT-- |
| 82 | LIKE, SOME KIND OF SEXIST GUY THING? |
| 83 | LIKE, IT'S POKER, SO ONLY GUYS CAN PLAY. |
| 84 | NO. WOMEN ARE WELCOME TO PLAY. |
| 85 | SO THEN WHAT IS IT? |
| 86 | SOME KIND OF, YOU KNOW, LIKE... |
| 87 | SOME KIND OF, LIKE... |
| 88 | ALL RIGHT, WHAT IS IT? |
| 89 | THERE JUST DON'T HAPPEN TO BE ANY WOMEN IN OUR GAME. |
| 90 | WE JUST DON'T HAPPEN TO KNOW ANY WOMEN |
| 91 | THAT KNOW HOW TO PLAY POKER. |
| 92 | THAT IS SUCH A LAME EXCUSE. |
| 93 | IT'S A TYPICAL GUY RESPONSE. |
| 94 | DO ANY OF YOU PLAY? |
| 95 | All: NO. |
| 96 | BUT YOU COULD TEACH US. |
| 97 | All: NO. |
| 98 | OKAY, SO NOW... |
| 99 | ( slowly ): WE DRAW CARDS. |
| 100 | I WOULDN'T NEED ANY, RIGHT? |
| 101 | 'CAUSE I HAVE A STRAIGHT. |
| 102 | GOOD FOR YOU! |
| 103 | CONGRATULATIONS! |
| 104 | ( bell dings ) |
| 105 | OKAY, PHOEBS, HOW MANY DO YOU WANT? |
| 106 | OKAY. I JUST NEED TWO. |
| 107 | THE TEN OF SPADES AND THE SIX OF CLUBS. |
| 108 | NO, PHOEBS, YOU CAN'T DO... |
| 109 | I HAVE THE TEN OF SPADES. |
| 110 | NO, NO... |
| 111 | UH, NO, SEE, YOU CAN'T DO THAT. |
| 112 | NO, THAT'S OKAY. |
| 113 | I DON'T NEED THEM. I'M GOING FOR FOURS. |
| 114 | OH, YOU'RE... |
| 115 | ALL RIGHT, HERE WE GO. |
| 116 | WE GOT SALMON ROULETTES AND ASSORTED CRUDITES. |
| 117 | WHOA, WHOA, MONICA, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? |
| 118 | THIS IS A POKER GAME. |
| 119 | YOU CAN'T SERVE FOOD |
| 120 | WITH MORE THAN ONE SYLLABLE. |
| 121 | IT'S GOT TO BE LIKE CHIPS, OR DIP, OR PRETZ... |
| 122 | OKAY, SO AT THIS POINT, THE DEALER... |
| 123 | WE GOT IT. LET'S PLAY FOR REAL. |
| 124 | HIGH STAKES, BIG BUCKS. |
| 125 | ARE YOU SURE? |
| 126 | PHOEBE JUST THREW AWAY TWO JACKS |
| 127 | BECAUSE THEY DIDN'T LOOK HAPPY. |
| 128 | BUT I'M READY, SO JUST DEAL. |
| 129 | OKAY. LAST-MINUTE LESSON. |
| 130 | JOEY, THREE... |
| 131 | EIGHT. |
| 132 | EIGHT, THREE. |
| 133 | ALL RIGHT. VERY GOOD. |
| 134 | DAMMIT! |
| 135 | DAMMIT! DAMMIT! |
| 136 | I SEE. SO THEN, YOU WERE LYING. |
| 137 | ABOUT WHAT? |
| 138 | ABOUT HOW GOOD YOUR CARDS WERE. |
| 139 | I WAS BLUFFING. |
| 140 | UH-HUH. |
| 141 | AND WHAT IS BLUFFING? |
| 142 | IS IT NOT ANOTHER WORD FOR LYING? |
| 143 | OKAY. SORRY |
| 144 | TO BREAK UP THIS PARTY |
| 145 | BUT I'VE GOT TO GO FAX RESUMES... |
| 146 | RACH, WE GOT TO SETTLE. |
| 147 | SETTLE WHAT? |
| 148 | THE JAMESTOWN COLONY OF VIRGINIA. |
| 149 | YOU SEE, KING GEORGE IS GIVING US THE LAND... |
| 150 | THE GAME, RACHEL. |
| 151 | YOU OWE US MONEY FOR THE GAME. |
| 152 | OH. RIGHT. |
| 153 | GUYS, IT'S THEIR FIRST TIME. |
| 154 | LET'S FORGET ABOUT THE MONEY. |
| 155 | HELL, NO, WE'LL PAY. |
| 156 | MONICA, I HAD ANOTHER ANSWER ALL READY. |
| 157 | AND YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 158 | WE WANT A REMATCH. |
| 159 | WELL, THAT'S FINE WITH ME. |
| 160 | COULD USE THE MONEY. |
| 161 | SO BASICALLY, YOU GET YOUR YA-YAS |
| 162 | BY TAKING MONEY FROM ALL OF YOUR FRIENDS. |
| 163 | YEAH. |
| 164 | YES, AND I GET MY YA-YAS FROM IKEA. |
| 165 | YOU HAVE TO PUT THEM TOGETHER YOURSELF |
| 166 | BUT THEY COST A LITTLE LESS. |
| 167 | LOOK, RACH, THIS IS POKER. |
| 168 | I PLAY TO WIN, ALL RIGHT? |
| 169 | AND FOR ME TO WIN, OTHER PEOPLE HAVE TO LOSE. |
| 170 | SO IF YOU PLAY POKER WITH ME |
| 171 | DON'T EXPECT ME TO BE A NICE GUY. |
| 172 | 'CAUSE ONCE THOSE CARDS ARE DEALT... |
| 173 | YEAH? |
| 174 | I'M NOT A NICE GUY. |
| 175 | ALL RIGHT, BOYS, LET'S EAT. |
| 176 | OH, DID YOU GET THAT |
| 177 | FROM THE "I LOVE RACHEL" PIZZERIA? |
| 178 | YOU STILL ON THAT? |
| 179 | WHAT WAS WITH THAT WHOLE BLACK BART SPEECH? |
| 180 | "WHEN I PLAY POKER, I'M NOT A NICE GUY." |
| 181 | YOU ARE WAY OFF, PAL. |
| 182 | I DON'T THINK SO, SEE, ROSS |
| 183 | BECAUSE I THINK YOU LOVE HER. |
| 184 | UH, NO. |
| 185 | I MIGHT HAVE HAD FEELINGS FOR HER AT ONE TIME, NOT ANYMORE. |
| 186 | ( squeaking ) |
| 187 | MARCEL! |
| 188 | WHERE ARE YOU GOING WITH THAT DISK? |
| 189 | YOU ARE NOT PUTTING THAT ON, AGAIN. |
| 190 | IF YOU PRESS THAT BUTTON, YOU ARE IN VERY, |
| 191 | VERY BIG TROUBLE. |
| 192 | ( playing "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" ) |
| 193 | DO YOU BELIEVE WHAT A JERK ROSS WAS BEING? |
| 194 | YEAH, I KNOW. |
| 195 | HE CAN GET REALLY COMPETITIVE. |
| 196 | ( sarcastic chuckle ) |
| 197 | WHAT? |
| 198 | HELLO, KETTLE? THIS IS MONICA. |
| 199 | YOU'RE BLACK. |
| 200 | PLEASE. |
| 201 | I AM NOT AS BAD AS ROSS. |
| 202 | OH, I BEG TO DIFFER. |
| 203 | THE PICTIONARY INCIDENT. |
| 204 | THAT WAS NOT AN INCIDENT. |
| 205 | I WAS GESTURING |
| 206 | AND THE PLATE SLIPPED OUT OF MY HAND. |
| 207 | OH... |
| 208 | OH! I GOT AN INTERVIEW! |
| 209 | YOU'RE KIDDING. |
| 210 | WHERE? |
| 211 | SAKS FIFTH AVENUE. |
| 212 | OH, RACHEL. |
| 213 | IT'S LIKE THE MOTHER SHIP IS CALLING YOU HOME. |
| 214 | WHAT'S THE JOB? |
| 215 | ASSISTANT BUYER. |
| 216 | OH! |
| 217 | I WOULD BE SHOPPING... |
| 218 | FOR A LIVING! |
| 219 | ( knock on door ) OKAY, THAT IS AUNT IRIS. |
| 220 | THIS WOMAN HAS BEEN PLAYING POKER SINCE SHE WAS FIVE. |
| 221 | LISTEN TO EVERY WORD SHE SAYS. |
| 222 | HI. IS TONY RANDALL DEAD? |
| 223 | NO. WHY? I DON'T THINK SO. |
| 224 | WELL, HE MAY BE NOW, BECAUSE I THINK |
| 225 | I HIT HIM WITH MY CAR. |
| 226 | OH, MY GOD, REALLY?! |
| 227 | NO. THAT'S BLUFFING-- |
| 228 | LESSON NUMBER ONE. |
| 229 | LISTEN |
| 230 | LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING. |
| 231 | EVERYTHING YOU HEAR AT A POKER GAME |
| 232 | IS PURE CRAP. |
| 233 | NICE EARRINGS. |
| 234 | THANK YO... |
| 235 | GIRLS, SIT DOWN. |
| 236 | AUNT IRIS, THIS IS PHOEBE, AND THAT'S... |
| 237 | YEAH, YEAH. I AM PARKED AT A METER. |
| 238 | LET'S DO IT, OKAY? |
| 239 | ( music playing ) |
| 240 | ROSS, COULD WE PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, LISTEN TO ANYTHING ELSE? |
| 241 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 242 | I'M GOING TO PAY FOR THAT TONIGHT. |
| 243 | ( knocking on door ) |
| 244 | HI. |
| 245 | GUYS, GUESS WHAT? GUESS WHAT? |
| 246 | OKAY. THE FIFTH DENTIST CAVED |
| 247 | AND NOW THEY'RE ALL RECOMMENDING TRIDENT? |
| 248 | NO, THE INTERVIEW! |
| 249 | SHE ABSOLUTELY LOVED ME. |
| 250 | WE TALKED FOR TWO AND A HALF HOURS. |
| 251 | WE HAVE THE SAME TASTE IN CLOTHES. |
| 252 | AND I WENT TO CAMP WITH HER COUSIN. |
| 253 | AND, OH, THE JOB IS PERFECT. |
| 254 | I COULD DO THIS WELL. |
| 255 | OH! AND THEN SHE TOLD THE FUNNIEST STORY. |
| 256 | GREAT. YOU'LL TELL US AND WE'LL LAUGH. |
| 257 | LET'S PLAY POKER. |
| 258 | ALL RIGHT, LISTEN, YOU GUYS. |
| 259 | IF YOU DON'T WANT TO PLAY |
| 260 | WE'D COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND. |
| 261 | YES. WE COULD PLAY SOME OTHER GAME |
| 262 | LIKE, I DON'T KNOW, PICTIONARY? |
| 263 | VERY FUNNY, VERY FUNNY. |
| 264 | BUT WE'D LIKE TO GIVE POKER ANOTHER TRY. |
| 265 | SHALL WE, LADIES? |
| 266 | Both: I THINK WE SHOULD. |
| 267 | DO YOU WANT ME TO SHUFFLE THOSE? |
| 268 | NO. THAT'S OKAY. |
| 269 | I'M GOING TO GIVE IT A GO. |
| 270 | ALL RIGHT... |
| 271 | UM... |
| 272 | SO, PHOEBS OWES 7.50, MONICA, YOU OWE TEN DOLLARS |
| 273 | AND, RACHEL, YOU OWE |
| 274 | 15 BIG ONES. |
| 275 | AND, HEY |
| 276 | THANKS FOR TEACHING US |
| 277 | CROSS-EYED MARY. |
| 278 | WE GOT TO PLAY THAT |
| 279 | AT OUR REGULAR GAME. |
| 280 | HERE'S MY 7.50, BUT YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT THIS MONEY IS CURSED. |
| 281 | WHAT? |
| 282 | OH, I CURSED IT. |
| 283 | SO NOW BAD THINGS WILL HAPPEN TO HE WHO SPENDS IT. |
| 284 | I'LL TAKE IT. |
| 285 | BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO ME ANYWAY. |
| 286 | THIS WAY I CAN BREAK THEM UP WITH A MOVIE. |
| 287 | SO THAT JUST LEAVES THE BIG, GREEN POKER MACHINE |
| 288 | WHO OWES 15. |
| 289 | OH, IT'S SO TYPICAL. |
| 290 | OOH, I'M A MAN. |
| 291 | OOH, I HAVE A PENIS. |
| 292 | OOH, I HAVE TO WIN MONEY TO EXERT MY POWER |
| 293 | OVER WOMEN. |
| 294 | YOU KNOW WHAT? THIS IS NOT OVER. |
| 295 | WE WILL PLAY YOU AGAIN, AND WE WILL WIN |
| 296 | AND YOU WILL LOSE |
| 297 | AND YOU WILL BEG, AND WE WILL LAUGH |
| 298 | AND WE WILL TAKE EVERY LAST DIME YOU HAVE |
| 299 | AND YOU WILL HATE YOURSELVES FOREVER. |
| 300 | HMM. YOU KIND OF STEPPED ON MY POINT THERE, MON. |
| 301 | YOU GALS WANT TO HAND OVER YOUR MONEY NOW? |
| 302 | THAT WAY WE DON'T HAVE TO GO THROUGH THE FORMALITY |
| 303 | OF ACTUALLY PLAYING. |
| 304 | OH, THAT'S FINE. |
| 305 | WE'LL SEE WHO HAS THE LAST LAUGH THERE MONKEY BOY. |
| 306 | OKAY, WE DONE WITH THE CHIT-CHAT? |
| 307 | ARE WE READY TO PLAY SERIOUS POKER? |
| 308 | HEY, YOU GUYS, LOOK, THE ONE-EYED JACK |
| 309 | FOLLOWS ME WHEREVER I GO. |
| 310 | RIGHT, OKAY. SERIOUS POKER. |
| 311 | Monica: EXCUSE ME. WHERE ARE YOU GOING? |
| 312 | TO THE BATHROOM. |
| 313 | DO YOU WANT TO GO TO THE BATHROOM OR PLAY POKER? |
| 314 | I WANT TO GO TO THE BATHROOM. |
| 315 | WELL, I'M GOING TO ORDER A PIZZA. |
| 316 | OH, NO, NO, NO, NO! |
| 317 | I'M STILL WAITING TO HEAR FROM THAT JOB |
| 318 | AND THE STORE CLOSES AT 9:00, SO YOU CAN EAT THEN. |
| 319 | THAT'S FINE. |
| 320 | I'LL JUST HAVE A TIC TAC |
| 321 | TO HOLD ME OVER. |
| 322 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 323 | CINCINNATI, NO BLIND. |
| 324 | EVERYBODY ANTE. |
| 325 | YES! |
| 326 | OR NO. |
| 327 | ALL RIGHT! |
| 328 | YOUR MONEY'S MINE, GREEN. |
| 329 | YOUR FLY IS OPEN, GELLER. |
| 330 | YOU GUYS, YOU KNOW WHAT I JUST REALIZED? |
| 331 | "JOKER" IS "POKER" WITH A "J." |
| 332 | COINCIDENCE? |
| 333 | HEY, THAT'S... |
| 334 | THAT'S "JOINCIDENCE" WITH A "C." |
| 335 | UH, PHOEBE? PHOEBE? |
| 336 | YEAH. UM, I'M OUT. |
| 337 | I'M IN. |
| 338 | ME TOO. |
| 339 | ME TOO. WHAT DO YOU GOT? |
| 340 | WELL, YOU'D BETTER HOP OUT OF THE SHOWER |
| 341 | 'CAUSE I GOTTA FLUSH. |
| 342 | WELL, WELL, WELL, HOP BACK IN, BUCKO |
| 343 | 'CAUSE I GOT FOUR SIXES. |
| 344 | I GOT FOUR SIXES. I WON. |
| 345 | I ACTUALLY WON. OH, MY... |
| 346 | I'M GOING TO MAKE A LITTLE ROSS PILE. |
| 347 | I THINK THAT ONE WAS ROSS'S |
| 348 | AND, OOH, THAT ONE WAS ROSS'S. |
| 349 | ♪ WELL, I HAVE GOT YOUR MONEY ♪ |
| 350 | ♪ AND YOU'LL NEVER SEE IT ♪ |
| 351 | ♪ AND YOUR FLY'S STILL OPEN ♪ |
| 352 | ♪ HAH, I MADE YOU LOOK. ♪ |
| 353 | Phoebe: MONICA, IN OR OUT? |
| 354 | I HATE THIS GAME. |
| 355 | OKAY, JOEY, YOUR BET. |
| 356 | I FOLD LIKE A CHEAP HOOKER WHO GOT HIT IN THE STOMACH |
| 357 | BY A FAT GUY WITH SORES ON HIS FACE. |
| 358 | OH, I'M OUT. |
| 359 | ROSS? |
| 360 | OH, I'M VERY IN. |
| 361 | CHANDLER? |
| 362 | COULDN'T BE MORE OUT. |
| 363 | ME TOO. |
| 364 | RACHEL. |
| 365 | UM, I WILL SEE YOU... |
| 366 | AND I'LL RAISE YOU. |
| 367 | WHAT DO YOU SAY? YOU WANT TO WASTE ANOTHER BUCK? |
| 368 | NOPE, NOT THIS TIME. |
| 369 | SO, WHAT DID YOU HAVE? |
| 370 | I'M NOT TELLING. SHOW THEM TO ME. |
| 371 | NO. SHOW THEM TO ME. |
| 372 | GET YOUR HANDS OUT OF THERE. NO. |
| 373 | I'VE HAD DATES LIKE THIS. |
| 374 | BOY, YOU REALLY CAN'T STAND TO LOSE, CAN YOU? |
| 375 | YOUR WHOLE FACE IS GETTING RED. |
| 376 | THE LITTLE VEIN'S POPPING OUT OF YOUR TEMPLE. |
| 377 | PLUS, THAT SHIRT DOESN'T REALLY MATCH THOSE PANTS. |
| 378 | FIRST OF ALL, I'M NOT LOSING... |
| 379 | ( phone rings ) |
| 380 | HELLO. RACHEL GREEN. |
| 381 | ( mimicking ): MM-MM-MM-MM-MM. |
| 382 | EXCUSE ME. |
| 383 | IT'S ABOUT THE JOB. |
| 384 | BARBARA, HI. HOW ARE YOU? |
| 385 | UH-HUH. |
| 386 | NO, I UNDERSTAND. |
| 387 | YEAH, OH, WELL, COME ON. NO, I'M FINE. |
| 388 | DON'T BE SILLY. |
| 389 | YEAH, BUT, YOU KNOW, IF ANYTHING ELSE OPENS UP, |
| 390 | PLEASE... HELLO? |
| 391 | HELLO? |
| 392 | HMM... |
| 393 | SORRY, RACH. |
| 394 | THERE'S GOING TO BE LOTS OF OTHER STUFF. |
| 395 | YEAH. OKAY. |
| 396 | WHERE WERE WE? |
| 397 | OH. OKAY. |
| 398 | FIVE-CARD DRAW. |
| 399 | UH... JACKS OR BETTER. |
| 400 | NOTHING WILD. EVERYBODY ANTE. |
| 401 | LOOK, RACH, WE DON'T HAVE TO DO THIS. |
| 402 | YES, WE DO. |
| 403 | ALL RIGHT, CHECK. |
| 404 | CHECK. |
| 405 | I'M IN FOR 50 CENTS. |
| 406 | CALL. |
| 407 | I'M IN. |
| 408 | I SEE YOUR 50 CENTS... |
| 409 | AND I RAISE YOU... |
| 410 | FIVE DOLLARS. |
| 411 | I THOUGHT IT WAS A 50-CENT LIMIT. |
| 412 | I JUST LOST A JOB AND I'D LIKE TO RAISE |
| 413 | THE BET FIVE BUCKS. |
| 414 | DOES ANYBODY HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THAT? |
| 415 | NOT AT ALL. NO. NO, NO. |
| 416 | LOSER? |
| 417 | NO, I FOLD. |
| 418 | WHAT DO YOU MEAN? WHAT IS THIS? |
| 419 | I THOUGHT THAT |
| 420 | "ONCE THE CARDS ARE DEALT, I'M NOT A NICE GUY." |
| 421 | WERE YOU JUST FULL OF IT? |
| 422 | I'M IN. |
| 423 | HOW MANY YOU WANT? |
| 424 | ONE. |
| 425 | DEALER TAKES TWO. |
| 426 | WHAT DO YOU BET? |
| 427 | I BET TWO DOLLARS. |
| 428 | OKAY. |
| 429 | SEE YOUR TWO... |
| 430 | AND I RAISE YOU... |
| 431 | TWENTY. |
| 432 | WHA... |
| 433 | I'LL SEE YOUR 20... |
| 434 | RAISE YOU 25. |
| 435 | SEE YOUR 25... |
| 436 | AND, UH... MONICA, GET MY PURSE. |
| 437 | RACHEL, THERE'S NOTHING IN IT. |
| 438 | OKAY, THEN GET ME YOUR PURSE. |
| 439 | OKAY... |
| 440 | HERE YOU GO. GOOD LUCK. |
| 441 | THANK YOU. |
| 442 | I SAW YOUR 25, AND I RAISE YOU... |
| 443 | SEVEN. |
| 444 | TEEN. |
| 445 | JOEY, I'M A LITTLE SHY. |
| 446 | THAT'S OKAY, ROSS. |
| 447 | YOU CAN ASK ME. |
| 448 | WHAT DO YOU NEED? |
| 449 | FIFTEEN. |
| 450 | HERE'S TEN. |
| 451 | HERE, I GOT FIVE. |
| 452 | THANK YOU. |
| 453 | GOOD LUCK. |
| 454 | OKAY, I AM CALLING YOUR 17. |
| 455 | WHAT DO YOU GOT? |
| 456 | FULL HOUSE. |
| 457 | YOU GOT ME. |
| 458 | OH! OH! |
| 459 | ♪ DA, DA, DA, DA, DA-DA ♪ |
| 460 | ♪ DA, DA, DA, DA, DA-DA... ♪ |
| 461 | OH... |
| 462 | OH! |
| 463 | THAT'S ALL RIGHT. |
| 464 | I THOUGHT WE HAD THEM. |
| 465 | WHEN YOU DON'T HAVE THE CARDS, YOU DON'T HAVE THE CARDS |
| 466 | BUT LOOK HOW HAPPY SHE IS. |
| 467 | AIRPLANE. AIRPORT. |
| 468 | AIRPORT '75! AIRPORT '77! |
| 469 | AIRPORT '79! |
| 470 | BYE, BYE... BIRDIE! |
| 471 | WHAT? |
| 472 | THAT'S A BIRD? |
| 473 | THAT'S A BIRD. |
| 474 | Rachel: OKAY, IT'S MY TURN. |
| 475 | GO. |
| 476 | UH, BEAN. |
| 477 | BEAN. |
| 478 | THE UNBEARABLE LIGHTNESS OF BEING! |
| 479 | YES! |
| 480 | THAT'S IT! |
| 481 | YES! |
| 482 | THAT YOU GET? |
| 483 | THAT YOU GET? |
| 484 | |
| 1 | Okay, okay, I checked. |
| 2 | We have Earl Grey, English Breakfast |
| 3 | Cinnamon Stick, Camomile, Mint Medley, Blackberry |
| 4 | and, uh, oh, wait, there's one more. |
| 5 | Um...Lemon Soother. |
| 6 | You're not the guy that asked for the tea, are you? |
| 7 | Okay. |
| 8 | [theme song] |
| 9 | ♪ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ♪ |
| 10 | ♪ Your job's a joke you're broke ♪ |
| 11 | ♪ Your love life's DOA ♪ |
| 12 | ♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪ |
| 13 | ♪ When it hasn't been your day ♪ |
| 14 | ♪ Your week your month or even your year ♪ |
| 15 | ♪ But I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 16 | ♪ When the rain starts to pour ♪ |
| 17 | ♪ I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 18 | ♪ Like I've been there before ♪ |
| 19 | ♪ I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 20 | ♪ 'Cause you're there for me too ♪♪ |
| 21 | [instrumental music] |
| 22 | Mail call, Rachel Green, bunk seven. |
| 23 | Thank you. |
| 24 | Oh, cool. A free sample of coffee. |
| 25 | Oh good! 'Cause where else would we get any? |
| 26 | [chuckles] |
| 27 | Oh. Right. |
| 28 | - Oh, great. - What is it? |
| 29 | Country club newsletter. |
| 30 | My mother sends me the engagement notices |
| 31 | for inspiration. |
| 32 | Oh, my God. |
| 33 | Oh, my God, it's Barry and Mindy. |
| 34 | - Barry, who you almost-- - Barry, who I almost. |
| 35 | - And Mindy, your maid of-- - Mindy, my maid of. |
| 36 | Let me see that. |
| 37 | - Oh! - That's Mindy? |
| 38 | Wow. She is pretty. |
| 39 | Lucky. |
| 40 | To have had a friend like you. |
| 41 | Marcel. Bring me the rice. Come on. |
| 42 | Bring me the rice. Come on. Good boy. Good boy. |
| 43 | Come here, give me the rice. Thank you. Good boy. |
| 44 | Well, I see he's finally mastered the difference between |
| 45 | "Bring me the" and "Pee in the." |
| 46 | "Bring me the" and.. |
| 47 | Rach? |
| 48 | - What? - Hi. |
| 49 | Oh. I'm sorry. |
| 50 | Oh. This is so stupid! |
| 51 | I mean, I gave Barry up, right? |
| 52 | - Mm. - I should be happy for them. |
| 53 | I am. I'm happy for them. |
| 54 | - Really? - No. |
| 55 | Oh. |
| 56 | Oh, I guess it would be different |
| 57 | if I were with somebody. |
| 58 | Whoa. What, uh.. |
| 59 | What happened to, uh |
| 60 | "Forget relationships! I'm done with men!" |
| 61 | The whole, uh, penis embargo? |
| 62 | Oh, I don't know. |
| 63 | I guess it's-it's not about no guys. |
| 64 | It's-it's about the right guy, you know? |
| 65 | I mean, with Barry, it was-it was safe |
| 66 | and it was easy, but there was no heat. |
| 67 | You know, with Paolo, that's all there was, was heat. |
| 68 | And I-I mean, it was just this raw, animal, sexual-- |
| 69 | Wait-wait, I, I got it. I was there. |
| 70 | Well, I mean, do you think you can ever have both? |
| 71 | You know, someone who's like your |
| 72 | who's like your best friend |
| 73 | but then also can make your toes curl? |
| 74 | Yes, yes. |
| 75 | Yes. Yes, I do. I really do. |
| 76 | Uh, in fact, it's funny. |
| 77 | Very often someone who you wouldn't think |
| 78 | could, could...curl your toes |
| 79 | might just be the one who, uh, who.. |
| 80 | Hi. |
| 81 | ...gets interrupted. Hi. |
| 82 | Hey, guys, how was the movie? |
| 83 | - Oh, so good. - Wonderful. |
| 84 | - Suck-fest. - Total chick-flick. |
| 85 | I'm-I'm sorry it wasn't one of those movies |
| 86 | with, like, you know, like, guns and bombs |
| 87 | and like, buses going really fast. |
| 88 | Hey, I don't need violence to enjoy a movie |
| 89 | just so long as there's a little nudity. |
| 90 | - There was nudity. - I meant female nudity. |
| 91 | Alright, I don't need to see Lou Grant frolicking. |
| 92 | - Hugh! Hugh Grant! - Hugh! Hugh Grant! |
| 93 | Alright, I've gotta go. |
| 94 | Ahem. Come on, Marcel. Come on. |
| 95 | Yeah, we're gonna go take a bath. |
| 96 | Yes, we are, aren't we? Yes, we are. |
| 97 | They're still just friends, right? |
| 98 | - And I will see you tomorrow. - That's right. |
| 99 | You're gonna spend tomorrow at Aunt Rachel's, aren't you? |
| 100 | Hang on. Hang on. |
| 101 | Does Aunt Monica get a say in this? |
| 102 | Pwease, Aunt Monica? Pwease? |
| 103 | Oh, unclench. You're not even gonna be here. |
| 104 | [instrumental music] |
| 105 | (Chandler) You know, I cannot believe we're |
| 106 | even having this discussion. |
| 107 | I agree. I'm, like, in disbelief. |
| 108 | I mean, don't you think if things were gonna happen |
| 109 | with Rachel, they would have happened already? |
| 110 | I'm telling you, she said she's looking for a relationship |
| 111 | with someone exactly like me. |
| 112 | She really said that? |
| 113 | Well, I added the "Exactly like me" part.. |
| 114 | But she said she's looking for someone |
| 115 | and someone is gonna be there tonight. |
| 116 | - Tonight, tonight? - Well, I think it's perfect. |
| 117 | You know, it's just gonna be the two of us. |
| 118 | She spent all day taking care of my monkey. |
| 119 | [sighs] I can't remember the last time I got a girl |
| 120 | to take care of my monkey. |
| 121 | [laughing] |
| 122 | Anyway, you know, I figured after work |
| 123 | I'd go pick up a bottle of wine |
| 124 | go over there and, uh, try to woo her. |
| 125 | Hey, you know what you should do? |
| 126 | You should take her back to the 1890's |
| 127 | when that phrase was last used. |
| 128 | You keep this up, honey, and I swear |
| 129 | you'll be finished with this sucker by the end of the week. |
| 130 | Now, now the one in the feather boa |
| 131 | that's Dr. Francis. |
| 132 | Now, she used to be a man. |
| 133 | Okay, oh, look, see, now there's Raven, and we hate her. |
| 134 | We're glad she's dying. And that.. |
| 135 | Wha.. Wha.. Marcel, are you playing with Monica's shoes? |
| 136 | You know you're not supposed to play.. |
| 137 | Whoa! Whoa! |
| 138 | Marcel, did you poo in the shoe? |
| 139 | Oh, Marcel, bad monkey. |
| 140 | Oh, God. |
| 141 | Oh. Oh. |
| 142 | Sorry, Barry. |
| 143 | Little engagement gift. |
| 144 | I'm sure you didn't register for that. |
| 145 | [gunshot on TV] |
| 146 | Who died? Who died? |
| 147 | Roll him over! Oh, come on, roll him over! Oh! |
| 148 | Well, we know it wasn't Dexter. Right, Marcel? |
| 149 | Because.. |
| 150 | Marcel? |
| 151 | Marcel? Marce.. |
| 152 | - How could you lose him? - I don't know, I don't know. |
| 153 | We were watching TV and then he pooped in Monica's shoe.. |
| 154 | Wait. He pooped in my shoe? |
| 155 | - Which one? - I don't know. |
| 156 | - The left one. - Which ones? |
| 157 | Oh, oh, those little clunky Amish things |
| 158 | you think go with everything. |
| 159 | - Hey. - Hi. |
| 160 | Whoa. Oh. Why is the air in here so negative? |
| 161 | - Rachel lost Marcel. - Oh, no! How? |
| 162 | - He, he pooped in my shoe. - Which one? |
| 163 | Those cute little black ones I wear all the time. |
| 164 | No. Which one? |
| 165 | The right or left? |
| 166 | 'Cause the left one is lucky. |
| 167 | Come on, you guys, what are we gonna do? What are we gonna do? |
| 168 | Alright, alright, alright. You're a monkey. |
| 169 | You're loose in the city. |
| 170 | Where do you go? |
| 171 | Okay, it's his first time out, so he's probably gonna wanna do |
| 172 | some of the touristy things. |
| 173 | I'll go to Cats. You go to the Russian Tea Room. |
| 174 | Oh, my God! Come on, you guys. |
| 175 | He's gonna be home any minute. He's gonna kill me. |
| 176 | Okay, we'll start with the building. |
| 177 | You guys take the first and second floor. |
| 178 | Phoebe and I will take third and fourth. |
| 179 | Whoa-whoa-whoa! What am I gonna do? What am I gonna do? |
| 180 | Okay, you stay here, and just wait by the phone. |
| 181 | Spray Lysol in my shoe and wait for Ross to kill you. |
| 182 | Does anybody wanna trade? Oh.. |
| 183 | [instrumental music] |
| 184 | Come on. |
| 185 | [knock at door] |
| 186 | What do you want? |
| 187 | Mr. Heckles, our-our-our friend lost a monkey. |
| 188 | Have you seen it? |
| 189 | I left a Belgian waffle out here. |
| 190 | - Did you take it? - No! |
| 191 | Why would you leave your Belgian waffle in the hall? |
| 192 | - I wasn't ready for it. - The monkey. |
| 193 | Have you seen a monkey? |
| 194 | Saw a Regis Philbin once. |
| 195 | Okay, thank you, Mr. Heckles. |
| 196 | You owe me a waffle. |
| 197 | Okay, he's a, he's a black capuchin monkey |
| 198 | with a white face.. |
| 199 | ...with-with Russian dressing and pickles on the side. |
| 200 | Okay. Thanks. Hi. |
| 201 | Hey. How did, uh, how did it go today? |
| 202 | - Oh, great! - Yeah? |
| 203 | It went great. Really great. |
| 204 | - Hey, is that wine? - Yeah, yeah. |
| 205 | - Oh. - You, uh, you want some? |
| 206 | Oh, I would love some. |
| 207 | But you know what? You know what? |
| 208 | Let's not drink it here. |
| 209 | I'm feeling kind of crazy. |
| 210 | You wanna go to Newark? |
| 211 | Uh, okay. Yeah, uh, we could do that. |
| 212 | But before we head off to the murder capital |
| 213 | of the North-East.. |
| 214 | ...I was, uh, kind of wanting to run something by you. |
| 215 | You know how we were, uh, you know, talking before |
| 216 | about, uh, relationships and stuff. Well.. |
| 217 | Oh, God, Ross, I cannot do this. |
| 218 | Okay, quick and painful. |
| 219 | Oh, God. Okay, alright. |
| 220 | Alright, okay. |
| 221 | Ross, please don't hate me. |
| 222 | Oh, why? What? What? |
| 223 | [chuckles] |
| 224 | Uh! |
| 225 | You know Marcel? |
| 226 | Yeah? |
| 227 | Well, ahem, I, I kind of.. |
| 228 | I kind of lost him. |
| 229 | [inaudible] |
| 230 | [traffic ambience] |
| 231 | I-I-I can't, I can't believe this. |
| 232 | I mean, all I asked you to do was keep him in the apartment. |
| 233 | - I know. I know. I'm sorry. - No, no. You know what? |
| 234 | I guess it's partially my fault. |
| 235 | You know, I mean, I shouldn't have asked you |
| 236 | to, uh, start off with a monkey. |
| 237 | I should have started you off with like a pen or a pencil. |
| 238 | Ross, I'm doing everything that I can. |
| 239 | I've got everybody looking for him and I.. |
| 240 | [door buzzer buzzing] |
| 241 | - Who is it? - 'Animal Control.' |
| 242 | Uh, see, I've even got Animal Control. |
| 243 | You called Animal Control? |
| 244 | Uh-huh. |
| 245 | W-why? Do you not like them? |
| 246 | [scoffs] |
| 247 | Marcel is an illegal |
| 248 | exotic animal. |
| 249 | I'm not allowed to have him in the city. |
| 250 | If they find him, they'll take him away from me. |
| 251 | Oh, okay, well, now, see |
| 252 | you never ever ever told us that. |
| 253 | That's right I, 'cause I didn't expect |
| 254 | you were gonna invite them to the apartment! |
| 255 | [knock at door] |
| 256 | Hi! Thanks for coming. |
| 257 | Somebody called about a monkey? |
| 258 | Oh, oh, yeah, you know what? |
| 259 | That was a complete misunderstanding. |
| 260 | Yeah, we-we thought we had a monkey, but we didn't. |
| 261 | It turned, turned out it was a hat. |
| 262 | - Cat! - Cat! What did I say? Cat. |
| 263 | Hi. We checked the third and fourth floor. |
| 264 | No one's seen Marcel. |
| 265 | - Marcel? - My Uncle Marcel. |
| 266 | Oh, is that who the monkey's named after? |
| 267 | Okay. Are you aware that possession of an illegal exotic |
| 268 | is, uh, punishable by up to two years in prison |
| 269 | and confiscation of the animal? |
| 270 | Oh, my God. You'd put that poor, little creature in jail? |
| 271 | Pheebs, remember how we talked about |
| 272 | saying things quietly to yourself first? |
| 273 | Yes, but there isn't always time. |
| 274 | Look, I'm sure there is some friendly way |
| 275 | to reconcile this. Um, have a seat. |
| 276 | First of all, we haven't been introduced. |
| 277 | Uh, I'm Monica Geller. |
| 278 | Oh, my God! You are! And you're Rachel Green! |
| 279 | - Yeah. - Luisa Gianetti. |
| 280 | Lincoln High? I sat behind you guys in, in home room. |
| 281 | Oh! Luisa! Oh, my God! |
| 282 | Monica, it's Luisa! |
| 283 | - The Luisa from home room! - Yes. |
| 284 | You have no idea who I am, do you? |
| 285 | - No, none at all. - None. |
| 286 | Well, maybe that's because you spent four years ignoring me. |
| 287 | I mean, would it have been so hard to say |
| 288 | "Morning, Luisa"? Or "Nice overalls"? |
| 289 | Oh, I'm-I'm so sorry. |
| 290 | Nah, it's not so much you. You were fat. |
| 291 | You had your own problems. |
| 292 | But you! What a bitch! |
| 293 | - What? - Alright. You know what? |
| 294 | Be that as it may, do you think you could just help us out here |
| 295 | on that monkey thing, you know just...for old times' sake? |
| 296 | Go Bobcats? |
| 297 | I could...but I won't. |
| 298 | If I find that monkey, he's mine. |
| 299 | ♪ Dun-dun-duuuur! ♪♪ |
| 300 | Sorry. |
| 301 | [instrumental music] |
| 302 | (Chandler) Marcel? |
| 303 | - Marcel? - Marcel? |
| 304 | Marcel? |
| 305 | [sighs] |
| 306 | [knock at door] |
| 307 | Hi, can I help you? |
| 308 | Uh, we're kind of having an emergency. |
| 309 | And we, ahem, we were looking for something. |
| 310 | - A monkey. - Yes, have you seen any? |
| 311 | No. No, I haven't seen a monkey. |
| 312 | Do you know anything about fixing radiators? |
| 313 | Sure, sure. |
| 314 | Did you, uh, did you try turning |
| 315 | the knob back the other way? |
| 316 | - Of course. - Oh, then, no. |
| 317 | Taste this daiquiri. Is there too much rum in here? |
| 318 | Just a sec. Hope you find your monkey. |
| 319 | Oh, no, wait, wait, no-no-no, wait, wait. |
| 320 | Um...we may not know anything about radiators |
| 321 | per se, but we do have a certain amount of expertise |
| 322 | in the heating and cooling...milieu. |
| 323 | Uh, aren't we kind of in the middle of somethin' here? |
| 324 | Yes, but these women are very hot and they need our help. |
| 325 | And they're very hot. |
| 326 | We can't, alright? Uh, we're sorry. |
| 327 | You...have no idea how sorry, but.. |
| 328 | ...we promised we'd find this monkey. |
| 329 | If you see him, he's about yea high |
| 330 | and answers to the name Marcel. |
| 331 | So, if we could get some pictures of you |
| 332 | you'd really be helpin' us out. |
| 333 | Okay, from now on, you don't get to talk to other people. |
| 334 | - Marcel? - Marcel! |
| 335 | - 'Marcel?' - 'Marcel?' |
| 336 | Marcel? |
| 337 | (both) Marcel? |
| 338 | - Oh, my God! - What? |
| 339 | Something just brushed up against my right leg. |
| 340 | - What is it? - Oh. |
| 341 | Oh, it's okay. It was just my left leg. |
| 342 | [screeching] |
| 343 | - Look, Phoebe! - Oh, yeah. Oh, Marcel. |
| 344 | Come here. Oh, come here, Marcel. |
| 345 | Step aside, ladies. |
| 346 | Oh, what are you gonna do? |
| 347 | Just a small tranquilizer. |
| 348 | [dramatic music] |
| 349 | (Monica) 'Run, Marcel, run!' |
| 350 | - Run, Marcel! - Damn! |
| 351 | - Are you okay? - Uh, yeah, I think so. |
| 352 | I just.. |
| 353 | Oh. |
| 354 | Huh.. |
| 355 | - Whoa. - Oh-h-h. |
| 356 | Oh, gosh. |
| 357 | [screeching] |
| 358 | - 'Marcel?' - 'Marcel?' |
| 359 | Marcel? This is ridiculous. |
| 360 | We've been all over the neighborhood. |
| 361 | He's gone. He's-he's just gone. |
| 362 | - Ross, you don't know that. - Oh, come on. |
| 363 | It's cold. It's dark. He doesn't know the village. |
| 364 | Oh.. |
| 365 | And now I have a broken foot. Oh, my.. |
| 366 | I have no monkey and a broken foot. |
| 367 | - Thank you very much. - Ross, you know? |
| 368 | I said I'm sorry like a million times. |
| 369 | What do you want me to do? Huh? What do you wanna.. |
| 370 | You want to break my foot too? Is that it? Okay, here. |
| 371 | I'm gonna break my foot. Right now, there. |
| 372 | Ow! Oh! Oh, God! |
| 373 | Oh, my God. There, are you happy now? |
| 374 | Yeah, yeah, you know, now that you kicked the sign, hey! |
| 375 | What? I don't miss Marcel anymore. |
| 376 | You know, it is not like I did this on purpose. |
| 377 | No, no, no. No, no, this is just vintage Rachel. |
| 378 | I mean, things just sort of happen around you. |
| 379 | I mean, you're off in Rachel Land |
| 380 | doin' your Rachel thing |
| 381 | totally oblivious to people's monkeys |
| 382 | or to people's feelings and.. |
| 383 | - Ross? - I don't even wanna hear it. |
| 384 | - No, you're always-- - Ross.. |
| 385 | - Oh, forget it, okay? - Ross! |
| 386 | What? What? What? |
| 387 | - Hey! - Hey! Banana man! Wait.. |
| 388 | [instrumental music] |
| 389 | [knock at door] |
| 390 | Oh, this is so intense. |
| 391 | One side of my butt is totally asleep |
| 392 | and the other side has no idea. |
| 393 | Hi. Did you order some bananas? |
| 394 | - What about it? - Give me my monkey back! |
| 395 | I don't have a monkey. |
| 396 | Then what's with all the bananas? |
| 397 | Potassium. |
| 398 | [Marcel chattering] |
| 399 | Marcel? Marcel? |
| 400 | Okay, where is he? Where is he? |
| 401 | Marcel? Marcel? |
| 402 | [all gasp] |
| 403 | Marcel! |
| 404 | - What have you done to him? - That's my monkey. |
| 405 | That's Patti. Patti the monkey. |
| 406 | Are you insane? |
| 407 | Come here, Marcel, come on. |
| 408 | Come here, Patti. |
| 409 | Come here, Marcel. |
| 410 | Come here, Patti. |
| 411 | (Luisa) Here, monkey! Here, monkey! |
| 412 | Here, monkey! |
| 413 | Gotcha! |
| 414 | - Okay, give me my monkey back. - That's my monkey. |
| 415 | You're both gonna have to take this up with the judge. |
| 416 | That's not my monkey. Just the dress is mine. |
| 417 | You can send it back whenever. |
| 418 | - Alright, I want my monkey. - No! |
| 419 | - Oh, come on, Luisa. - Sorry, prom queen. |
| 420 | You had to be a bitch in high school. |
| 421 | You couldn't have been fat. |
| 422 | Alright, look, okay, in high school I was the prom queen |
| 423 | and I was the homecoming queen and the class president |
| 424 | and you...were also there. |
| 425 | Look, if you take this monkey |
| 426 | I will lose one of the most |
| 427 | important people in my life. |
| 428 | You can hate me if you want |
| 429 | but please do not punish him. |
| 430 | Come on, Luisa, you have a chance |
| 431 | to be the bigger person here. |
| 432 | Take it! |
| 433 | [inhales deeply] |
| 434 | [exhales heavily] |
| 435 | No. |
| 436 | Alright. |
| 437 | Well, then how about I call your supervisor |
| 438 | and I tell her that you shot my friend |
| 439 | in the ass with a dart? |
| 440 | [instrumental music] |
| 441 | Hey, it'll be nice to get this |
| 442 | off finally, won't it? Yes, it wi.. |
| 443 | Or we can leave it on for now, that's fine. |
| 444 | You know, with the right pair of pumps |
| 445 | that would be a great little outfit. |
| 446 | Listen, I'm.. I'm sorry I was so hard on you before. |
| 447 | - You know, I just-- - Oh, Ross, come on. |
| 448 | No, no, it was my fault. I almost lost your.. |
| 449 | No, no, yeah, but you were the one who got him back. |
| 450 | You know? You, you, you were great. |
| 451 | Hey, we, uh, we still have that, uh, that bottle of wine. |
| 452 | Are you in the mood for, uh.. |
| 453 | ...something grape? |
| 454 | - Sure, that would be good. - Alright. Uh.. |
| 455 | Oh. |
| 456 | The, uh, the neighbors must be vacuuming. |
| 457 | [clears throat] |
| 458 | Well, uh, as long as we're, uh...here |
| 459 | and, uh...not on the subject |
| 460 | um, ahem...I was thinking about, uh.. |
| 461 | [chuckles] |
| 462 | ...how mad we got at each other before. |
| 463 | Oh. |
| 464 | And, um...I was thinking maybe |
| 465 | it was partially because of how we, uh.. |
| 466 | - Rachel. - Barry! |
| 467 | I can't. I can't do it. |
| 468 | I can't marry Mindy. |
| 469 | I think I'm still in love with you. |
| 470 | - Oh! - Oh! |
| 471 | We have got to start locking that door. |
| 472 | [instrumental music] |
| 473 | This is me in "The Sound Of Music." |
| 474 | - You see the von Trapp kids? - No. |
| 475 | That's because I'm in front of them. |
| 476 | Yeah, I thought that was an alp. |
| 477 | Well, high school was not my favorite time. |
| 478 | I don't know. I-I loved high school. |
| 479 | You know, it was just, like, four years of parties |
| 480 | and dating and sex and.. |
| 481 | Yeah, well, I went to |
| 482 | boarding school with 400 boys. |
| 483 | Any sex I had would have involved |
| 484 | a major lifestyle choice. |
| 485 | Gosh, doesn't it seem like a million years ago? |
| 486 | [chuckles] |
| 487 | Oh, oh, oh! |
| 488 | Ooh! Ooh! |
| 489 | Ooh, ooh! My butt cheek is waking up! Oh! |
| 490 | [theme music] |
| 491 | |
| 1 | I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WOULD ACTUALLY SAY THAT. |
| 2 | I WOULD MUCH RATHER BE MR. PEANUT THAN MR. SALTY. |
| 3 | NO WAY. MR. SALTY IS A SAILOR, ALL RIGHT? |
| 4 | HE'S GOT TO BE THE TOUGHEST SNACK THERE IS. |
| 5 | I DON'T KNOW. |
| 6 | YOU DON'T WANT TO MESS WITH CORNNUTS. |
| 7 | THEY'RE CRAZY! |
| 8 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 9 | GUYS, YOU GOT TO COME SEE THIS. |
| 10 | THERE'S SOME CREEP OUT THERE |
| 11 | WITH A TELESCOPE. |
| 12 | ( gasps ) |
| 13 | I CAN'T BELIEVE IT. |
| 14 | HE'S LOOKING RIGHT AT US. |
| 15 | OH, THAT IS SO SICK. |
| 16 | I FEEL VIOLATED... |
| 17 | AND NOT IN A GOOD WAY. |
| 18 | WHY DO PEOPLE DO THAT? |
| 19 | ( all groaning ) |
| 20 | OH, LOOK! UGLY NAKED GUY GOT GRAVITY BOOTS! |
| 21 | ( all clamoring ) |
| 22 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 23 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 24 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 25 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 26 | ♪ AND IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY ♪ |
| 27 | ♪ YOUR WEEK, YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 28 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 29 | ♪ WHEN THE RAIN STARTS TO FALL ♪ |
| 30 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 31 | ♪ LIKE I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE ♪ |
| 32 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 33 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME TOO. ♪ |
| 34 | I AM TELLING YOU |
| 35 | YEARS FROM NOW SCHOOL CHILDREN WILL STUDY IT |
| 36 | AS ONE OF THE GREATEST FIRST DATES OF ALL TIME. |
| 37 | IT WAS UNBELIEVABLE. |
| 38 | WE COULD TOTALLY BE OURSELVES. |
| 39 | WE DIDN'T PLAY ANY GAMES. |
| 40 | HAVE YOU CALLED HER? |
| 41 | AND LET HER KNOW I LIKE HER? |
| 42 | WHAT ARE YOU-- INSANE? |
| 43 | OH, GUYS... |
| 44 | IT'S THE NEXT DAY. |
| 45 | HOW NEEDY DO I WANT TO SEEM? |
| 46 | OH, YEAH, LET HER DANGLE. |
| 47 | OH. I CAN'T BELIEVE MY PARENTS |
| 48 | ARE ACTUALLY PRESSURING ME TO FIND ONE OF YOU PEOPLE. |
| 49 | GOD, COME ON, JUST DO IT. |
| 50 | CALL HER. |
| 51 | STOP BEING SO TESTOSTERONEY. |
| 52 | WHICH, BY THE WAY IS THE REAL SAN FRANCISCO TREAT. |
| 53 | I GOT HER MACHINE. |
| 54 | HER ANSWERING MACHINE? |
| 55 | NO, HER LEAF BLOWER PICKED UP. |
| 56 | SO WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY ANYTHING? |
| 57 | OH, NO, NO, NO, LAST TIME I LEFT A SPONTANEOUS MESSAGE |
| 58 | I ENDED UP USING THE PHRASE "YES INDEEDY-O." |
| 59 | LOOK, LOOK, LOOK, IT'S RACHEL AND BARRY. |
| 60 | NO, NO, NO, DON'T EVERYBODY LOOK AT ONCE. |
| 61 | OKAY, OKAY, WHAT'S GOING ON? |
| 62 | OKAY, THEY'RE JUST TALKING. |
| 63 | DOES HE LOOK LIKE HE WAS JUST TOLD TO SHOVE ANYTHING? |
| 64 | NO. |
| 65 | NO, ACTUALLY, HE'S SMILING, AND... OH, MY GOD! |
| 66 | DON'T DO THAT! |
| 67 | WHAT, WHAT, WHAT?! |
| 68 | THAT MAN ACROSS THE STREET KICKED THAT PIGEON. |
| 69 | OH. |
| 70 | AND BASICALLY THAT'S HOW A BILL BECOMES A LAW. |
| 71 | HEY, RACH. |
| 72 | HI, RACH. |
| 73 | HOW'D IT GO? |
| 74 | IT WAS ACTUALLY REALLY GREAT. |
| 75 | TOOK ME TO LUNCH AT THE RUSSIAN TEA ROOM. |
| 76 | I HAD THAT CHICKEN WHERE YOU POKE IT |
| 77 | AND ALL THE BUTTER SQUIRTS OUT. |
| 78 | NOT A GOOD DAY FOR BIRDS. |
| 79 | WE TOOK A WALK DOWN TO BENDEL'S. |
| 80 | I TOLD HIM NOT TO |
| 81 | BUT HE GOT ME A LITTLE BOTTLE OF CHANEL. |
| 82 | THAT'S NICE. |
| 83 | WAS THAT BEFORE OR AFTER |
| 84 | YOU TOLD HIM TO STOP CALLING |
| 85 | STOP SENDING YOU FLOWERS |
| 86 | AND TO GENERALLY LEAVE YOU ALONE? |
| 87 | RIGHT. |
| 88 | WELL, WE NEVER ACTUALLY GOT TO THAT. |
| 89 | OH, IT WAS JUST SO NICE TO SEE HIM AGAIN, YOU KNOW? |
| 90 | IT WAS COMFORTABLE, AND IT WAS FAMILIAR. |
| 91 | IT WAS JUST NICE. |
| 92 | THAT'S... THAT'S NICE TWICE. |
| 93 | RACHEL, WHAT'S GOING ON? |
| 94 | ISN'T THIS THE SAME BARRY WHO YOU LEFT AT THE ALTAR? |
| 95 | DUH. WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? |
| 96 | YEAH, BUT IT WAS DIFFERENT WITH HIM TODAY |
| 97 | AND HE WASN'T LIKE... |
| 98 | "ORTHODONTIST GUY," YOU KNOW? |
| 99 | I MEAN, WE HAD FUN. |
| 100 | IS THERE ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT? |
| 101 | YES! |
| 102 | WHY? |
| 103 | I HAVE MY REASONS. |
| 104 | OKAY, HOW ABOUT THE FACT |
| 105 | THAT HE'S ENGAGED TO ANOTHER WOMAN |
| 106 | WHO JUST HAPPENS TO BE YOUR EX-BEST FRIEND? |
| 107 | ALL RIGHT, I KNOW IT'S STUPID. |
| 108 | I'LL GO SEE HIM THIS AFTERNOON AND PUT AN END TO IT. |
| 109 | WOW! |
| 110 | WOW. |
| 111 | YEAH. |
| 112 | I'M NOT CRAZY, RIGHT? |
| 113 | I MEAN, IT WAS NEVER LIKE THAT. |
| 114 | NO, IT WASN'T. |
| 115 | IT WAS SO NICE HAVING THIS LITTLE SINK HERE. |
| 116 | OH, DANIELLE, I WASN'T EXPECTING THE MACHINE. |
| 117 | GIVE ME A CALL WHEN YOU GET A CHANCE. |
| 118 | ( clinking ) |
| 119 | BYE-BYE. |
| 120 | OH, GOD. |
| 121 | THAT'S WHAT YOU'VE BEEN WORKING ON FOR THE PAST TWO HOURS? |
| 122 | I'VE BEEN HONING IT. |
| 123 | WHAT'S WITH THE DISHES? |
| 124 | I WANT HER TO THINK I MIGHT BE IN A RESTAURANT |
| 125 | I MIGHT HAVE SOME KIND OF LIFE, LIKE I HAVEN'T BEEN SITTING |
| 126 | AROUND HERE HONING FOR THE LAST TWO HOURS. |
| 127 | HE'S DOING IT AGAIN-- THE GUY WITH THE TELESCOPE. |
| 128 | OH, MY GOD! |
| 129 | OH. GO AWAY! |
| 130 | STOP LOOKING IN HERE! |
| 131 | GREAT. NOW HE'S WAVING BACK. |
| 132 | WE GOT TO DO SOMETHING. |
| 133 | THIS MORNING HE LOOKED INTO OUR APARTMENT. |
| 134 | IT CREEPS ME OUT. |
| 135 | I CAN'T DO STUFF. |
| 136 | WHAT KIND OF STUFF? |
| 137 | WILL YOU GROW UP? |
| 138 | I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT SEXY STUFF |
| 139 | BUT LIKE WHEN I'M COOKING NAKED. |
| 140 | YOU COOK NAKED? |
| 141 | YEAH, TOAST, OATMEAL, NOTHING THAT SPATTERS. |
| 142 | WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT ME FOR? |
| 143 | I DIDN'T KNOW THAT. |
| 144 | WHAT'S THE MATTER? |
| 145 | OH, I JUST... |
| 146 | BARRY, THIS WAS NOT GOOD. |
| 147 | NO, IT WAS. |
| 148 | IT WAS VERY, VERY GOOD. |
| 149 | WELL, WHAT ABOUT MINDY? |
| 150 | OH, WAY BETTER THAN MINDY. |
| 151 | NO, NOT THAT. |
| 152 | I MEAN, WHAT ABOUT YOU AND MINDY? |
| 153 | LOOK, IF YOU WANT, I'LL JUST BREAK IT OFF WITH HER. |
| 154 | NO, NO. I MEAN DON'T DO THAT. |
| 155 | I MEAN, NOT FOR ME. |
| 156 | Dr. Farber, Bobby Rush is here for his adjustment. |
| 157 | UH, THANKS, BERNICE. |
| 158 | LET'S GO AWAY THIS WEEKEND. |
| 159 | OH, BARRY, COME ON, THIS IS ALL WAY TOO... |
| 160 | WE CAN GO TO ARUBA. |
| 161 | WHEN I WENT THERE |
| 162 | ON WHAT WOULD HAVE BEEN OUR HONEYMOON, IT WAS REALLY NICE. |
| 163 | YOU WOULD HAVE LIKED IT. |
| 164 | I HAD A BRA. |
| 165 | HEY, DR. FARBER. |
| 166 | ALL RIGHT, MISS GREEN, EVERYTHING LOOKS FINE. |
| 167 | I THINK WE'RE STARTING TO SEE SOME REAL PROGRESS. |
| 168 | WHAT? |
| 169 | I'M 12. |
| 170 | I'M NOT STUPID. |
| 171 | CAN I USE YOUR PHONE? |
| 172 | YEAH. BUT FOR FUTURE REFERENCE |
| 173 | THAT THING IN YOUR HAND CAN ALSO BE USED AS A PHONE. |
| 174 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 175 | ( ringing ) |
| 176 | YES, IT'S WORKING. |
| 177 | WHY ISN'T SHE CALLING ME? |
| 178 | MAYBE SHE NEVER GOT YOUR MESSAGE. |
| 179 | CALL HER MACHINE, AND IF SHE HAS A LOT OF BEEPS |
| 180 | THAT MEANS SHE DIDN'T GET HER MESSAGES YET. |
| 181 | YOU DON'T THINK THAT MAKES ME SEEM... |
| 182 | DESPERATE, NEEDY, PATHETIC? |
| 183 | AH, YOU OBVIOUSLY SAW MY PERSONAL AD. |
| 184 | HOW MANY? |
| 185 | SHE ANSWERED. |
| 186 | THIS IS WHERE YOU'D USE THAT "HELLO" WORD WE TALKED ABOUT. |
| 187 | I'M NOT GOING TO TALK TO HER. |
| 188 | SHE OBVIOUSLY GOT MY MESSAGE |
| 189 | AND IS CHOOSING NOT TO CALL ME. |
| 190 | NOW I'M NEEDY AND SNUBBED. |
| 191 | GOD, I MISS JUST BEING NEEDY. |
| 192 | All: HEY. |
| 193 | HOW'D HE TAKE IT? |
| 194 | PRETTY WELL, ACTUALLY. |
| 195 | UH, RACH? |
| 196 | HOW COME YOU HAVE DENTAL FLOSS IN YOUR HAIR? |
| 197 | OH, DO I? |
| 198 | UH-HUH. |
| 199 | WE ENDED UP HAVING SEX IN HIS CHAIR. |
| 200 | YOU HAD SEX IN HIS CHAIR?! |
| 201 | OH, I SAID THAT A LITTLE TOO LOUDLY, DIDN'T I? |
| 202 | YOU... YOU HAD WHAT? |
| 203 | SEX IN HIS CHAIR. |
| 204 | WHAT, UH, WHAT WERE YOU THINKING? |
| 205 | I DON'T KNOW. |
| 206 | WE STILL CARE ABOUT EACH OTHER. |
| 207 | THERE'S A HISTORY THERE. |
| 208 | IT'S LIKE YOU AND CAROL. |
| 209 | NO. NO, NO. |
| 210 | IT'S NOTHING LIKE ME AND CAROL. |
| 211 | IF SHE SAID TO YOU, "ROSS, I WANT YOU |
| 212 | ON THIS COUCH, RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW," WHAT WOULD YOU SAY? |
| 213 | IF IT HELPS, I COULD SLIDE OVER. |
| 214 | IT'S A TOTALLY DIFFERENT SITUATION. |
| 215 | IT'S APPLES AND ORANGES. |
| 216 | IT'S ORTHODONTISTS AND LESB... |
| 217 | I GOT TO GO. |
| 218 | WHERE ARE YOU GOING? |
| 219 | I JUST HAVE TO GO! |
| 220 | DO I NEED A REASON, HUH? |
| 221 | I HAVE THINGS TO DO WITH MY LIFE. |
| 222 | I HAVE A JAM-PACKED SCHEDULE |
| 223 | AND I AM LATE FOR KEEPING UP WITH IT, OKAY? |
| 224 | ( phone ringing ) |
| 225 | HELLO? HELLO? |
| 226 | ( ringing ) |
| 227 | HELLO? |
| 228 | HI... |
| 229 | MINDY. |
| 230 | HI. HI. HOW ARE YOU? |
| 231 | YES, YES, I HEARD. |
| 232 | CONGRATULATIONS. |
| 233 | THAT IS SO GREAT. |
| 234 | REALLY? OH, GOD... |
| 235 | OKAY. |
| 236 | OKAY, WELL, I'M WORKING TOMORROW. |
| 237 | IF YOU WANT, YOU CAN COME BY |
| 238 | IF YOU'D LIKE. |
| 239 | OKAY. |
| 240 | GREAT. |
| 241 | GREAT. |
| 242 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 243 | SO, I'LL, UH... |
| 244 | I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW. |
| 245 | OKAY. BYE. |
| 246 | OH, GOD. OH, GOD. OH, GOD. OH, GOD. |
| 247 | OH... |
| 248 | SO HOW'S MINDY? |
| 249 | OH, SHE WANTS TO SEE ME TOMORROW. |
| 250 | SHE SOUNDED REALLY WEIRD. |
| 251 | I GOT TO CALL BARRY. |
| 252 | HI. IT'S ME. |
| 253 | MINDY! |
| 254 | MINDY, HI! NO, I FIGURED THAT'S WHERE YOU'D BE. |
| 255 | ( imitating phone ringing ) |
| 256 | HELL IS FILLED WITH PEOPLE LIKE YOU. |
| 257 | HE'S BACK. THE PEEPER'S BACK. |
| 258 | GET DOWN! |
| 259 | GET DOWN? |
| 260 | AND BOOGIE. |
| 261 | THANKS, BUT I GOT TO GO GET MY EYES SCRATCHED OUT BY MINDY. |
| 262 | SHE MAY NOT EVEN KNOW. |
| 263 | I HAVEN'T HEARD FROM HER IN SEVEN MONTHS, AND NOW SHE CALLS. |
| 264 | WHAT ELSE IS IT ABOUT? |
| 265 | SHE WAS MY BEST FRIEND, YOU GUYS. |
| 266 | WE WENT TO CAMP TOGETHER. |
| 267 | SHE TAUGHT ME HOW TO KISS. |
| 268 | YEAH? |
| 269 | NOW, I'M LIKE THE OTHER WOMAN. |
| 270 | I FEEL SO... |
| 271 | NAUGHTY. |
| 272 | I'LL SEE YOU GUYS LATER. |
| 273 | WHEN SHE TAUGHT YOU TO KISS AT CAMP |
| 274 | WERE YOU WEARING ANY KIND OF LITTLE UNIFORM..? |
| 275 | THAT'S FINE, YEAH. |
| 276 | I'M GOING TO GO TO THE BATHROOM. |
| 277 | WILL YOU WATCH MY PHONE? |
| 278 | TAKE IT WITH YOU, |
| 279 | HEY, WE HAVEN'T BEEN ON A SECOND DATE. |
| 280 | SHE NEEDS TO HEAR ME PEE? |
| 281 | WHY DON'T YOU CALL HER? |
| 282 | I CAN'T CALL HER. |
| 283 | I LEFT A MESSAGE. |
| 284 | I HAVE SOME PRIDE. |
| 285 | DO YOU? |
| 286 | NO. |
| 287 | DANIELLE? HI. |
| 288 | HI, IT'S UH... IT'S CHANDLER. |
| 289 | I'M FINE. |
| 290 | ( clears throat ) |
| 291 | UH, LISTEN. |
| 292 | I DON'T KNOW IF YOU TRIED TO CALL ME |
| 293 | BECAUSE, IDIOT THAT I AM |
| 294 | I ACCIDENTALLY SHUT OFF MY PHONE. |
| 295 | OH, OKAY. THAT'S FINE. |
| 296 | THAT'S GREAT. |
| 297 | OKAY. |
| 298 | SHE'S ON THE OTHER LINE. |
| 299 | SHE'S GOING TO CALL ME BACK. |
| 300 | ♪ SHE'S ON THE OTHER LINE, SHE'S GONNA CALL ME BACK ♪ |
| 301 | ♪ SHE'S ON THE OTHER LINE, GONNA CALL ME BACK ♪ |
| 302 | DON'T YOU HAVE TO PEE? |
| 303 | WHY I'M DANCING. |
| 304 | MINDY. |
| 305 | HEY, YOU. |
| 306 | HEY, YOU. |
| 307 | SO WHAT'S UP? |
| 308 | UM, WE SHOULD REALLY BE SITTING FOR THIS. |
| 309 | HMM. |
| 310 | SURE WE SHOULD. |
| 311 | SO... |
| 312 | I KNOW THINGS HAVE BEEN WEIRD |
| 313 | BUT YOU'RE, LIKE, MY OLDEST FRIEND |
| 314 | EXCEPT FOR MAYBE LORI SCHAEFFER, WHO I DON'T TALK TO ANYMORE |
| 315 | 'CAUSE SHE'S ALL BITTER NOW SHE LOST THE WEIGHT |
| 316 | AND IT TURNS OUT |
| 317 | SHE DOESN'T HAVE A PRETTY FACE. |
| 318 | I'M GOING TO ASK YOU THIS ONCE, AND I WANT A STRAIGHT ANSWER. |
| 319 | OKAY. |
| 320 | ( sighs ) |
| 321 | WILL YOU BE MY MAID OF HONOR? |
| 322 | OF COURSE! |
| 323 | THAT'S SO GREAT! |
| 324 | ( both squealing ) |
| 325 | IS THAT ALL YOU WANTED? |
| 326 | THAT'S ALL! |
| 327 | ( both squealing ) |
| 328 | WHAT? |
| 329 | THAT'S NOT ALL. |
| 330 | OH, SURE IT IS! |
| 331 | OH, NO, IT ISN'T! |
| 332 | I THINK BARRY IS SEEING SOMEONE IN THE CITY. |
| 333 | OH, WHAT WOULD MAKE YOU THINK THAT? |
| 334 | EVER SINCE WE ANNOUNCED THE ENGAGEMENT |
| 335 | HE'S BEEN ACTING REALLY WEIRD |
| 336 | AND THEN LAST NIGHT HE CAME HOME |
| 337 | SMELLING LIKE CHANEL. |
| 338 | REALLY! |
| 339 | MINDY, IF IT WILL MAKE YOU FEEL ANY BETTER |
| 340 | WHEN BARRY AND I FIRST GOT ENGAGED |
| 341 | HE WENT THROUGH A WEIRD THING TOO. |
| 342 | OH, THAT'S WHAT I WAS AFRAID OF. |
| 343 | WHAT'S WHAT YOU'RE AFRAID OF? |
| 344 | OKAY, OKAY. |
| 345 | WHEN BARRY WAS ENGAGED TO YOU, HE AND I |
| 346 | KIND OF... HAD A LITTLE THING ON THE SIDE. |
| 347 | WHAT? |
| 348 | I KNOW, I KNOW. |
| 349 | WHEN HE PROPOSED, EVERYONE SAID |
| 350 | "HE'LL ONLY DO TO YOU WHAT HE DID TO RACHEL" |
| 351 | AND NOW I FEEL SO STUPID. |
| 352 | ( chuckles ) |
| 353 | HMM. |
| 354 | OH, MINDY. OH, YOU ARE SO STUPID. |
| 355 | OH, WE ARE BOTH SO STUPID. |
| 356 | WHAT DO YOU MEAN? |
| 357 | SMELL FAMILIAR? |
| 358 | OH, I'M SO SORRY. |
| 359 | OH, NO, ME. |
| 360 | I AM SO SORRY. |
| 361 | NO, I AM SORRY. |
| 362 | ( crying ) |
| 363 | OH, MY. |
| 364 | FOUR LETTERS, "CIRCLE OR HOOP." |
| 365 | RING, DAMN IT. RING! |
| 366 | THANKS. |
| 367 | HEY, YOU KNOW OUR PHONE'S NOT WORKING? |
| 368 | WHAT? |
| 369 | I TRIED CALLING YOU FROM THE COFFEE SHOP. |
| 370 | THERE WAS NO ANSWER. |
| 371 | I TURNED IT OFF. |
| 372 | MOTHER OF GOD, I TURNED IT OFF! |
| 373 | JUST LIKE YOU TOLD HER. |
| 374 | JUST POINTING OUT THE IRONY. |
| 375 | I WENT ACROSS THE STREET AND TALKED TO THE DOORMAN. |
| 376 | I GOT THE PEEPER'S NAME. |
| 377 | CAN I USE THE PHONE? |
| 378 | ( growling ) |
| 379 | CAN I USE YOUR PHONE? |
| 380 | YEAH, THE NUMBER FOR A SYDNEY MARKS, PLEASE. |
| 381 | "HEATING DEVICE." |
| 382 | RADIATOR. |
| 383 | FIVE LETTERS. |
| 384 | RDTOR. |
| 385 | YEAH, IS SYDNEY THERE? |
| 386 | OH, THIS IS? |
| 387 | SYDNEY'S A WOMAN. |
| 388 | SO SHE'S A WOMAN? SO WHAT? |
| 389 | YEAH, YEAH. SO WHAT? |
| 390 | I LIVE ACROSS THE STREET, AND I KNOW |
| 391 | ALL ABOUT YOU AND YOUR LITTLE TELESCOPE |
| 392 | AND I DON'T APPRECIATE IT, OKAY? |
| 393 | YEAH, I CAN SEE YOU RIGHT NOW. HELLO! |
| 394 | IF I WANT TO WALK AROUND MY APARTMENT IN MY UNDERWEAR |
| 395 | I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO FEEL... |
| 396 | THANK YOU. |
| 397 | THAT'S NOT REALLY THE POINT. |
| 398 | THE POINT IS THAT... |
| 399 | MOSTLY FREE WEIGHTS, BUT... |
| 400 | JOEY! |
| 401 | YEAH, MY NEIGHBOR. |
| 402 | YEAH, THE BRUNETTE. |
| 403 | SHE SAID YOU LOOKED VERY PRETTY IN THE GREEN DRESS |
| 404 | THE GREEN DRESS? |
| 405 | REALLY? |
| 406 | SHE SAID YOU LOOKED LIKE |
| 407 | INGRID BERGMAN THAT DAY. |
| 408 | NO. |
| 409 | HEY. |
| 410 | HEY. |
| 411 | GOT A SECOND? |
| 412 | SURE, SURE. |
| 413 | COME ON... |
| 414 | IN. |
| 415 | HELLO, SWEETHEART. |
| 416 | WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING HERE? |
| 417 | WE ARE HERE TO BREAK UP WITH YOU. |
| 418 | BOTH OF YOU? |
| 419 | WE THINK YOU'RE A HORRIBLE HUMAN BEING |
| 420 | AND BAD THINGS SHOULD HAPPEN TO YOU. |
| 421 | I'M SORRY. GOD, I AM SO SORRY. |
| 422 | I'M AN IDIOT. I WAS WEAK. |
| 423 | I COULDN'T HELP MYSELF. |
| 424 | WHATEVER I DID I ONLY DID BECAUSE I LOVE YOU SO MUCH. |
| 425 | WHICH ONE OF US ARE YOU TALKING TO THERE, BAR? |
| 426 | MINDY. |
| 427 | MINDY, OF COURSE, MINDY. |
| 428 | IT WAS ALWAYS MINDY. |
| 429 | EVEN WHEN WE WERE HAVING SEX IN THAT CHAIR? |
| 430 | I SWEAR. WHATEVER I WAS DOING, I WAS ALWAYS THINKING OF YOU. |
| 431 | OH, PLEASE. THAT SECOND TIME |
| 432 | YOU COULDN'T HAVE PICKED HER OUT OF A LINEUP. |
| 433 | YOU DID IT TWICE? |
| 434 | THE FIRST TIME DIDN'T REALLY COUNT. |
| 435 | IT WAS BARRY. |
| 436 | RIGHT. |
| 437 | HONEY, BABY, SWEETHEART, LOOK |
| 438 | JUST GIVE ME ANOTHER CHANCE. |
| 439 | WE'LL START OVER. |
| 440 | WE'LL GO BACK TO ARUBA. |
| 441 | WHAT DO YOU SAY? |
| 442 | Dr. Farber, we've got an emergency here. |
| 443 | Jason Costellana is choking on his retainer. |
| 444 | OH, GOD. |
| 445 | I'LL BE RIGHT THERE, BERNICE. |
| 446 | LOOK, PLEASE... PLEASE DON'T GO ANYWHERE, OKAY? |
| 447 | I-I'LL BE RIGHT BACK. |
| 448 | OKAY. |
| 449 | OKAY, AND WE'LL BE HERE, HATING YOU. |
| 450 | DID YOU SEE HOW HE WAS SWEATING? |
| 451 | LISTEN, HONEY |
| 452 | IF I'M HOGGING THE BALL |
| 453 | JUST JUMP IN AND TAKE A COUPLE OF PUNCHES |
| 454 | BECAUSE THIS FEELS GREAT. |
| 455 | YEAH. I'M PRETTY SURE I'M STILL GOING TO MARRY HIM. |
| 456 | WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? |
| 457 | MINDY, THE GUY IS THE DEVIL. |
| 458 | HE IS SATAN IN A SMOCK. |
| 459 | LOOK, I KNOW HE'S NOT PERFECT... |
| 460 | MM-HMM. |
| 461 | BUT THE TRUTH IS AT THE END OF THE DAY, I... |
| 462 | I STILL REALLY WANT TO BE "MRS. DR. BARRY FARBER... |
| 463 | D.D.S." |
| 464 | DEAR GOD. |
| 465 | I HOPE YOU CAN FIND SOME WAY TO BE HAPPY FOR ME |
| 466 | AND I HOPE YOU'LL STILL BE MY MAID OF HONOR. |
| 467 | AND I HOPE BARRY DOESN'T KILL YOU AND EAT YOU IN ARUBA. |
| 468 | YOU OKAY? |
| 469 | YEAH. |
| 470 | REALLY? |
| 471 | YEAH. |
| 472 | EVER SINCE I RAN OUT ON BARRY AT THE WEDDING |
| 473 | I HAVE WONDERED WHETHER I MADE THE RIGHT CHOICE |
| 474 | AND NOW I KNOW. |
| 475 | OH, I'M SO GLAD. |
| 476 | BIG DAY. |
| 477 | I'LL GIVE YOU THIS. |
| 478 | MR. PEANUT IS A BETTER DRESSER. |
| 479 | HE'S GOT THE MONOCLE. |
| 480 | HE'S GOT THE TOP HAT. |
| 481 | DID YOU KNOW HE'S GAY? |
| 482 | I JUST WANT TO CLARIFY THIS. |
| 483 | ARE YOU OUTING MR. PEANUT? |
| 484 | CHANDLER? |
| 485 | DANIELLE, HI. |
| 486 | UH, EVERYBODY, THIS IS DANIELLE. |
| 487 | DANIELLE, EVERYBODY. |
| 488 | All: HI. |
| 489 | WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? |
| 490 | I'VE BEEN CALLING YOU |
| 491 | BUT I HAD YOUR NUMBER WRONG |
| 492 | AND WHEN I FINALLY GOT THE RIGHT ONE |
| 493 | THERE WAS NO ANSWER. |
| 494 | SO I THOUGHT I'D MAKE SURE YOU WERE OKAY. |
| 495 | OH. UH... I-I'M OKAY. |
| 496 | MAYBE WE COULD GET TOGETHER LATER? |
| 497 | THAT SOUNDS GOOD. |
| 498 | I'LL CALL YOU, OR YOU CALL ME. |
| 499 | YOU GOT IT. |
| 500 | BYE, EVERYBODY. |
| 501 | BYE. BYE. BYE. |
| 502 | WOO-HOO! THERE YOU GO. |
| 503 | SECOND DATE. |
| 504 | I DON'T KNOW. |
| 505 | YOU DON'T KNOW? |
| 506 | SHE SEEMS VERY NICE |
| 507 | BUT THAT THING ABOUT HER COMING DOWN HERE |
| 508 | TO SEE IF I WAS OKAY? |
| 509 | HOW NEEDY IS THAT? |
| 510 | [Captioned by The Caption Center WGBH Educational Foundation] |
| 511 | |
| 1 | HOW COULD SOMEONE GET |
| 2 | YOUR CREDIT CARD NUMBER? |
| 3 | LOOK HOW MUCH THEY SPENT. |
| 4 | THE CREDIT CARD PEOPLE SAID |
| 5 | YOU ONLY HAVE TO PAY FOR THE STUFF YOU BOUGHT. |
| 6 | STILL... IT'S JUST SUCH RECKLESS SPENDING. |
| 7 | I THINK WHEN SOMEBODY STEALS YOUR CREDIT CARD |
| 8 | THEY'VE ALREADY THROWN CAUTION TO THE WIND. |
| 9 | WOW, WHAT A GEEK. |
| 10 | THEY SPENT 69.95 ON A WONDER MOP. |
| 11 | THAT'S ME. |
| 12 | OH, YUCK. |
| 13 | ROSS, HE'S DOING IT AGAIN. |
| 14 | MARCEL, STOP HUMPING THE LAMP. |
| 15 | STOP HUMPING. |
| 16 | NOW, MARCEL, COME BACK... COME HERE, MARCEL. |
| 17 | NO, NO. NOT IN MY ROOM. |
| 18 | I'LL GET HIM. |
| 19 | YOU'VE GOT TO DO SOMETHING |
| 20 | ABOUT THE HUMPING. |
| 21 | WHAT? IT'S JUST A PHASE. |
| 22 | WELL, THAT'S WHAT WE SAID ABOUT JOEY. |
| 23 | WOULD YOU ALL RELAX? |
| 24 | IT'S NOT THAT BIG A DEAL. |
| 25 | Rachel: MARCEL, STOP IT! BAD MONKEY! |
| 26 | WHAT? |
| 27 | LET'S JUST SAY MY CURIOUS GEORGE DOLL IS |
| 28 | NO LONGER CURIOUS. |
| 29 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 30 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 31 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 32 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 33 | ♪ AND IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY, YOUR WEEK, YOUR MONTH ♪ |
| 34 | ♪ OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 35 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 36 | ♪ WHEN THE RAIN STARTS TO FALL ♪ |
| 37 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 38 | ♪ LIKE I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE ♪ |
| 39 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 40 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME TOO. ♪ |
| 41 | MONICA, YOU ARE NOT STILL GOING OVER THAT THING? |
| 42 | THIS WOMAN'S LIVING MY LIFE. |
| 43 | WHAT? |
| 44 | SHE'S LIVING MY LIFE |
| 45 | AND SHE'S DOING IT BETTER THAN ME. |
| 46 | LOOK AT THIS. |
| 47 | LOOK. SHE BUYS TICKETS TO PLAYS THAT I WANT TO SEE. |
| 48 | SHE BUYS CLOTHES AT STORES |
| 49 | THAT I'M INTIMIDATED BY THE SALES PEOPLE. |
| 50 | SHE SPENT $300 ON ART SUPPLIES. |
| 51 | YOU'RE NOT AN ARTIST. |
| 52 | WELL, I MIGHT BE IF I HAD THE SUPPLIES. |
| 53 | I MEAN, I COULD DO ALL THIS STUFF |
| 54 | ONLY I DON'T. |
| 55 | MONICA, COME ON. |
| 56 | YOU DO COOL THINGS. |
| 57 | OH, REALLY? OKAY. |
| 58 | LET'S COMPARE, SHALL WE? |
| 59 | OH, IT'S SO LATE FOR "SHALL WE." |
| 60 | DO I GO HORSEBACK RIDING IN THE PARK? HMM? |
| 61 | DO I TAKE CLASSES AT THE NEW SCHOOL? |
| 62 | NO. |
| 63 | THIS IS SO UNFAIR. |
| 64 | SHE'S GOT EVERYTHING I WANT AND SHE DOESN'T HAVE MY MOTHER. |
| 65 | HOW 'BOUT "JOEY PEPPONI"? |
| 66 | NO. STILL TOO ETHNIC. |
| 67 | MY AGENT THINKS |
| 68 | I SHOULD HAVE A NAME THAT'S MORE NEUTRAL. |
| 69 | "JOEY.... SWITZERLAND?" |
| 70 | PLUS, YOU KNOW, I THINK IT SHOULD BE "JOE." |
| 71 | "JOEY" MAKES ME SOUND LIKE I'M... |
| 72 | I DON'T KNOW-- THIS BIG. |
| 73 | WHICH I'M NOT. |
| 74 | JOE, JOE, JOE... STALIN? |
| 75 | "STALIN... STALIN." |
| 76 | DO I KNOW THAT NAME? |
| 77 | THAT SOUND FAMILIAR. |
| 78 | WELL, IT DOES NOT RING A BELL WITH ME. |
| 79 | JOE STALIN. |
| 80 | YOU KNOW THAT'S PRETTY GOOD. |
| 81 | YOU MIGHT WANT TO TRY "JOSEPH." |
| 82 | OH! |
| 83 | JOSEPH STALIN. |
| 84 | I THINK YOU'D |
| 85 | REMEMBER THAT. |
| 86 | OH, YES. |
| 87 | " BYE BYE BIRDIE, STARRING JOSEPH STALIN." |
| 88 | "JOSEPH STALIN IS THE FIDDLER ON THE ROOF." |
| 89 | HEY. |
| 90 | HEY. |
| 91 | HI. |
| 92 | HI, UH, YES. THIS IS MONICA GELLER. |
| 93 | UM, I BELIEVE I'M TAKING SOME CLASSES WITH YOU |
| 94 | AND I WAS WONDERING |
| 95 | WHAT THEY WERE. |
| 96 | WHAT ARE YOU DOING? |
| 97 | ALL RIGHT. GREAT. |
| 98 | GREAT. THANKS A LOT. |
| 99 | I'M GOING TO TAP CLASS. |
| 100 | SO YOU CAN DANCE WITH THE WOMAN THAT STOLE YOUR CREDIT CARD. |
| 101 | I SHOULD GET TO SEE WHO SHE IS. |
| 102 | GO TO THE POST OFFICE. |
| 103 | I'M SURE |
| 104 | HER PICTURE'S UP. |
| 105 | YOU'RE LOSING IT, HERE. |
| 106 | THIS IS REALLY BECOMING |
| 107 | LIKE, A WEIRD OBSESSION THING. |
| 108 | THIS IS MADNESS. IT'S MADNESS, I TELL YOU! |
| 109 | FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, MONICA |
| 110 | DON'T DO IT! |
| 111 | THANK YOU. |
| 112 | WHAT DO YOU THINK? |
| 113 | LOTS OF THINGS. |
| 114 | WHICH ONE DO YOU THINK SHE IS? |
| 115 | MAY I HELP YOU? |
| 116 | NO, THANKS. WE'RE JUST HERE TO OBSERVE. |
| 117 | YOU DON'T OBSERVE A DANCE CLASS. |
| 118 | YOU DANCE A DANCE CLASS. |
| 119 | SPARE SHOES ARE OVER THERE. |
| 120 | WHAT DOES SHE MEAN? |
| 121 | I THINK SHE MEANS YOU DANCE... A DANCE CLASS. |
| 122 | COME ON. COME ON. |
| 123 | OKAY. YOU SEE ANYBODY YOU THINK COULD BE ME? |
| 124 | LAST TIME, THERE WERE SOME EMPTY YOGURT CONTAINERS |
| 125 | LYING AROUND AFTER CLASS. |
| 126 | LET'S NOT HAVE THAT HAPPEN AGAIN. |
| 127 | SHE COULD BE YOU. |
| 128 | LET'S GET STARTED. |
| 129 | FIVE, SIX... |
| 130 | A-FIVE, SIX, SEVEN, EIGHT-- |
| 131 | OKAY. I'M NOT GETTING THIS. |
| 132 | I'M TOTALLY GETTING IT. |
| 133 | DO YOU EVER JUST FEEL LIKE SOMETIMES YOU ARE |
| 134 | SO UNBELIEVABLY UNCOORDINATED? |
| 135 | WHAT? |
| 136 | YOU JUST CLICK WHEN THEY CLICK. |
| 137 | ALL RIGHT, PEOPLE. |
| 138 | NOW EVERYONE GRAB A PARTNER. |
| 139 | OH... UM, ALL RIGHT. |
| 140 | AND MY DEAD MOTHER SAID YOU ARE IT. |
| 141 | I'M WITH RACHEL. |
| 142 | WAIT. IT'S GYM CLASS ALL OVER AGAIN. |
| 143 | OH... OH... |
| 144 | YOU CAN COME UP TO THE FRONT |
| 145 | AND DANCE WITH ME. |
| 146 | WHY DON'T I JUST TAKE OFF MY CLOTHES |
| 147 | AND HAVE A NIGHTMARE? |
| 148 | IT'S OKAY. IT'S OKAY. |
| 149 | I'M HERE. I'M HERE. |
| 150 | I'M SO SORRY I'M LATE. |
| 151 | HERE I AM. |
| 152 | SO, WHO'S THE NEW TENSE GIRL? |
| 153 | SHE'S YOUR PARTNER. |
| 154 | HI. I'M MONICA. |
| 155 | OH... MONICA. |
| 156 | HI. I'M MON... NANA. |
| 157 | MONANA? |
| 158 | YES. |
| 159 | IT'S DUTCH. |
| 160 | I SPENT THREE YEARS IN AMSTERDAM. |
| 161 | MAG IK DEZE DANS VAN U? |
| 162 | UM, PENNSYLVANIA DUTCH. |
| 163 | OH. |
| 164 | AND WE'RE DANCING. |
| 165 | A-FIVE, SIX, SEVEN, EIGHT-- |
| 166 | HI. |
| 167 | HEY. HEY. |
| 168 | WHERE'VE YOU BEEN? |
| 169 | I JUST GOT BACK FROM THE VET. |
| 170 | SHE'S NOT GOING TO MAKE YOU WEAR |
| 171 | ONE OF THOSE BIG PLASTIC CONES, IS SHE? |
| 172 | SHE SAYS MARCEL'S HUMPING THING'S NOT A PHASE. |
| 173 | APPARENTLY, HE'S REACHED SEXUAL MATURITY. |
| 174 | HEY, HE BEAT YOU. |
| 175 | SHE SAYS AS TIME GOES ON |
| 176 | HE'S GOING TO START GETTING AGGRESSIVE AND VIOLENT. |
| 177 | SO WHAT DOES THIS MEAN? |
| 178 | I'M GOING TO HAVE TO GIVE HIM UP. |
| 179 | I CAN'T BELIEVE IT, ROSS. |
| 180 | THIS SUCKS! |
| 181 | YOU JUST GOT HIM. |
| 182 | HOW COULD HE BE AN ADULT ALREADY? |
| 183 | I KNOW, I KNOW. |
| 184 | I MEAN, ONE DAY HE'S THIS LITTLE THING |
| 185 | AND THEN BEFORE YOU KNOW IT |
| 186 | HE'S THIS LITTLE THING I CAN'T GET OFF MY LEG. |
| 187 | ISN'T THERE ANY WAY YOU CAN KEEP HIM? |
| 188 | NO. NO, THE VET SAID THAT UNLESS HE'S IN A PLACE |
| 189 | WHERE HE HAS REGULAR ACCESS TO SOME... |
| 190 | MONKEY LOVIN'... |
| 191 | HE'S JUST GOING TO GET VICIOUS. |
| 192 | I'VE... I'VE JUST GOT TO GET HIM INTO A ZOO. |
| 193 | HOW DO YOU GET A MONKEY INTO A ZOO? |
| 194 | I KNOW |
| 195 | THAT ONE. |
| 196 | NO, THAT'S "POPES INTO A VOLKSWAGEN." |
| 197 | WE'RE APPLYING TO A LOT OF THEM. |
| 198 | NATURALLY, OUR FIRST CHOICE |
| 199 | WOULD BE ONE OF THE BIGGER STATE ZOOS-- |
| 200 | YOU KNOW, LIKE SAN DIEGO. |
| 201 | OH... RIGHT? |
| 202 | BUT THAT MAY BE JUST A PIPE DREAM |
| 203 | BECAUSE, YOU KNOW, HE'S OUT OF STATE. |
| 204 | UH, MY VET KNOWS SOMEONE AT MIAMI |
| 205 | SO THAT'S A POSSIBILITY. |
| 206 | YEAH, BUT THAT'S, LIKE, TWO BLOCKS AWAY FROM THE BEACH. |
| 207 | I MEAN, IT'S A TOTAL PARTY ZOO. |
| 208 | HEY. WE FOUND HER, WE FOUND THE GIRL. |
| 209 | DID YOU CALL THE COPS? |
| 210 | NOPE. WE TOOK HER TO LUNCH. |
| 211 | AH, YOUR OWN BRAND OF VIGILANTE JUSTICE. |
| 212 | ARE YOU INSANE? |
| 213 | THIS WOMAN STOLE FROM YOU! |
| 214 | SHE... SHE STOLE! SHE'S A STEALER! |
| 215 | YOU KNOW WHAT? AFTER YOU'RE WITH THIS WOMAN FOR TEN MINUTES |
| 216 | YOU FORGET ALL THAT. |
| 217 | I MEAN, SHE'S THIS ASTOUNDING PERSON |
| 218 | WITH THIS AMAZING SPIRIT. |
| 219 | YEAH, WHICH SHE PROBABLY STOLE FROM SOME CHEERLEADER. |
| 220 | "TAKE OFF THEIR HATS." |
| 221 | "POPES IN |
| 222 | A VOLKSWAGEN." |
| 223 | I LOVE THAT JOKE. |
| 224 | NO WAY... NO WAY DID YOU DO THIS. |
| 225 | MONANA WAS VERY BRAVE. |
| 226 | IT WAS SO WILD. |
| 227 | WE TOLD THEM WE WERE THE GUNDERSONS IN ROOM 615 |
| 228 | ONLY TO FIND OUT THE BOSTON CELTICS |
| 229 | HAD TAKEN OVER THE ENTIRE SIXTH FLOOR. |
| 230 | WHEN THEY CAUGHT ON TO THE FACT |
| 231 | THAT WE'RE... SHORT AND HAVE BREASTS... |
| 232 | THEY THREW US OUT. |
| 233 | I WAS THROWN OUT OF A HOTEL-- ME! |
| 234 | GO, MONANA! |
| 235 | WELL, YOU LADIES ARE NOT THE ONLY ONES LIVING THE DREAM. |
| 236 | I GET TO GO POUR COFFEE FOR PEOPLE I DON'T KNOW. |
| 237 | DON'T WAIT UP. |
| 238 | OH... TOMORROW, WE'RE AUDITIONING FOR A BROADWAY SHOW. |
| 239 | EXCUSE ME? |
| 240 | THERE'S AN OPEN CALL FOR CATS. |
| 241 | I'M THINKING WE GO DOWN THERE, SING "MEMORIES" |
| 242 | AND MAKE COMPLETE FOOLS OF OURSELVES. |
| 243 | WHAT DO YOU SAY? |
| 244 | NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. |
| 245 | REMEMBER WHO YOU'RE DEALING WITH HERE. |
| 246 | I'M NOT LIKE YOU. |
| 247 | I CAN'T EVEN STAND IN FRONT OF A TAP CLASS. |
| 248 | THAT'S JUST PROBABLY 'CAUSE |
| 249 | OF YOUR AMISH BACKGROUND. |
| 250 | WHAT? |
| 251 | YOU'RE PENNSYLVANIA DUTCH, RIGHT? |
| 252 | RIGHT... TILL I BOUGHT A BLOW DRYER |
| 253 | AND THEN I WAS SHUNNED. |
| 254 | I USED TO BE JUST LIKE YOU |
| 255 | AND THEN ONE DAY I SAW A MOVIE THAT CHANGED MY LIFE. |
| 256 | DID YOU EVER SEE DEAD POETS SOCIETY? |
| 257 | UH-HUH. |
| 258 | I THOUGHT THAT MOVIE WAS SO INCREDIBLY... BORING. |
| 259 | I MEAN, THAT THING |
| 260 | WHERE THE KID KILLS HIMSELF |
| 261 | BECAUSE HE CAN'T BE IN THE PLAY? |
| 262 | WHAT WAS THAT? |
| 263 | IT'S LIKE, "KID, WAIT A YEAR, LEAVE HOME. |
| 264 | DO SOME COMMUNITY THEATER." |
| 265 | I WALKED OUT OF THERE AND I THOUGHT |
| 266 | "NOW, THAT'S TWO HOURS OF MY LIFE |
| 267 | THAT I'M NEVER GETTING BACK." |
| 268 | AND THAT THOUGHT SCARED ME MORE THAN ALL THE OTHER CRAP |
| 269 | I WAS AFRAID TO DO. |
| 270 | WOW. THEN I WOULD DEFINITELY |
| 271 | NOT RECOMMEND MRS. DOUBTFIRE. |
| 272 | ( sighs ) |
| 273 | OH, GOD. |
| 274 | WE DIDN'T GET INTO SCRANTON. |
| 275 | THAT WAS, LIKE, OUR SAFETY ZOO. |
| 276 | THEY TAKE, LIKE, DOGS AND COWS. |
| 277 | SEE? I DON'T KNOW WHO THIS IS HARDER ON-- |
| 278 | ME OR HIM. |
| 279 | I'D SAY THAT CHAIR'S TAKING THE BRUNT OF IT. |
| 280 | Ross: MARCEL! MARCEL! |
| 281 | MARCEL, NO! |
| 282 | GOOD BOY. |
| 283 | SEE? HOW CAN NOBODY WANT HIM? |
| 284 | OH, SOMEBODY WILL. |
| 285 | YOU KNOW THERE ALREADY IS A JOSEPH STALIN? |
| 286 | YOU'RE KIDDING. |
| 287 | APPARENTLY, HE WAS THIS RUSSIAN DICTATOR |
| 288 | WHO SLAUGHTERED ALL THESE PEOPLE. |
| 289 | YOU'D THINK YOU WOULD HAVE KNOWN THAT. |
| 290 | YOU'D THINK I WOULD'VE. |
| 291 | PHOEBE, WHAT DO YOU THINK |
| 292 | A GOOD STAGE NAME FOR ME WOULD BE? |
| 293 | FLAME-BOY. |
| 294 | WHERE EXACTLY IS YOUR ZOO? |
| 295 | WELL, IT'S TECHNICALLY NOT A ZOO, PER SE. |
| 296 | IT'S MORE OF AN INTERACTIVE WILDLIFE EXPERIENCE. |
| 297 | LET ME ASK YOU |
| 298 | SOME QUESTIONS ABOUT-- IS IT "MARCEL"? |
| 299 | YES. |
| 300 | DOES HE, UH, FIGHT WITH OTHER ANIMALS? |
| 301 | NO, NO. HE'S VERY DOCILE. |
| 302 | MMM. EVEN IF HE WERE... CORNERED? |
| 303 | WELL, I DON'T KNOW. WHY? |
| 304 | UM... HOW IS HE AT HANDLING SMALL OBJECTS? |
| 305 | HE CAN HOLD A BANANA, IF THAT'S WHAT YOU MEAN. |
| 306 | WHAT ABOUT A HAMMER OR A SMALL BLADE? |
| 307 | WHY... WHY... WHY... WHY WOULD HE NEED A BLADE? |
| 308 | IF HE'S UP AGAINST A JUNGLE CAT |
| 309 | OR AN ANIMAL WITH HORNS |
| 310 | YOU GOT TO GIVE THE LITTLE GUY |
| 311 | SOMETHING. |
| 312 | OTHERWISE, IT'S JUST CRUEL. |
| 313 | Both: HE GOT INTO SAN DIEGO. |
| 314 | WHAT? |
| 315 | WE CAME BACK FROM OUR WALK. |
| 316 | THE PHONE WAS RINGING. |
| 317 | HE'S IN! |
| 318 | AH, DID YOU HEAR THAT, MARCEL? |
| 319 | OH! SAN DIEGO! SAN DIEGO! |
| 320 | YOU'RE MAKING A BIG MISTAKE. |
| 321 | SAN DIEGO'S ALL WELL AND GOOD, BUT IF YOU GIVE HIM TO ME |
| 322 | I'LL START HIM OFF AGAINST A BLIND RABBIT AND GIVE HIM |
| 323 | 20% OF THE GATE. |
| 324 | ♪ YO HO! ♪ |
| 325 | WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN? |
| 326 | MONICA AND I JUST CRASHED AN EMBASSY PARTY. |
| 327 | ARE YOU DRUNK? |
| 328 | NO! |
| 329 | ( whispering ): I'M LYING. I AM SO DRUNK... |
| 330 | OH, GOD. |
| 331 | GREAT, MONICA. YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 332 | YOU COULD HAVE CALLED. |
| 333 | I'VE BEEN WORRIED... |
| 334 | MONICA! |
| 335 | MONICA? |
| 336 | AH... |
| 337 | WATER RULES! |
| 338 | YES, YES, IT DOES. |
| 339 | OKAY, LOOK. THE RESTAURANT CALLED AGAIN TODAY. |
| 340 | THEY WANT TO KNOW IF YOU'LL BE SHOWING UP FOR WORK? |
| 341 | NOPE. I'M GOING TO THE BIG APPLE CIRCUS TODAY. |
| 342 | WHAT ARE YOU DOING? |
| 343 | YOU'RE GOING TO LOSE YOUR JOB. |
| 344 | THIS IS NOT YOU. |
| 345 | NO, IT IS ME. |
| 346 | I'M NOT JUST THE PERSON WHO NEEDS TO FLUFF THE PILLOWS |
| 347 | AND PAY THE BILLS AS SOON AS THEY COME IN. |
| 348 | YOU KNOW, WHEN I'M WITH HER, I AM SO MUCH MORE THAN THAT. |
| 349 | I'M... |
| 350 | I'M MONANA. |
| 351 | ( phone rings ) |
| 352 | HELLO? |
| 353 | YES, SHE IS. |
| 354 | HOLD ON A SECOND, PLEASE. |
| 355 | "MONANA..." IT'S FOR YOU. |
| 356 | THE CREDIT CARD PEOPLE. |
| 357 | HELLO. |
| 358 | YES? |
| 359 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 360 | THANKS. |
| 361 | WHAT? |
| 362 | THEY'VE ARRESTED MONICA. |
| 363 | HI. |
| 364 | HEY. |
| 365 | HOW ARE YOU? |
| 366 | NOT TOO BAD. |
| 367 | FORTUNATELY, BLUE'S MY COLOR. |
| 368 | HOW DID YOU KNOW |
| 369 | I WAS HERE? |
| 370 | BECAUSE... I'M MONICA GELLER. |
| 371 | IT WAS MY CREDIT CARD YOU WERE USING. |
| 372 | THAT, I WAS NOT EXPECTING. |
| 373 | I WANT YOU TO KNOW IT WASN'T ME |
| 374 | WHO TURNED YOU IN. |
| 375 | OH... THANKS. |
| 376 | NO... THANK YOU. |
| 377 | YOU HAVE GIVEN ME SO MUCH. |
| 378 | IF IT WASN'T FOR YOU |
| 379 | I WOULD HAVE NEVER GOTTEN TO SING "MEMORIES" ON THE STAGE |
| 380 | AT THE WINTERGARDEN THEATER. |
| 381 | WELL, ACTUALLY, YOU ONLY GOT |
| 382 | TO SING "MEMO..." |
| 383 | I CAN'T BELIEVE |
| 384 | YOU'RE IN HERE. |
| 385 | WHAT AM I GOING TO DO WITHOUT YOU? |
| 386 | WHO'S GOING TO CRASH THE EMBASSY PARTIES WITH ME |
| 387 | OR TAKE ME TO THE BIG APPLE CIRCUS? |
| 388 | MONICA, I STARTED MY DAY |
| 389 | BY PEEING IN FRONT OF 25 OTHER WOMEN |
| 390 | AND YOU'RE WORRIED ABOUT WHO'S GOING TO TAKE YOU |
| 391 | TO THE BIG APPLE CIRCUS? |
| 392 | WELL, NOT WORRIED... YOU KNOW, JUST WONDERING. |
| 393 | THERE'S NOTHING TO WONDER ABOUT, MONICA. |
| 394 | YOU'LL GO BACK TO BEING WHO YOU WERE |
| 395 | BECAUSE THAT'S WHO YOU ARE. |
| 396 | NOT NECESSARILY. |
| 397 | YES, NECESSARILY. |
| 398 | I DON'T KNOW... MAYBE IT'S THE AMISH THING. |
| 399 | UM... I'M NOT ACTUALLY AMISH. |
| 400 | REALLY? THEN WHY ARE YOU LIKE THAT? |
| 401 | YOU BY THE DOOR, IN OR OUT? |
| 402 | IN. |
| 403 | YOU IN THE BACK, YOU'RE GETTING IT WRONG. |
| 404 | BUT AT LEAST I'M DOING IT. |
| 405 | OKAY, GOOD-BYE, LITTLE MONKEY GUY. |
| 406 | I WROTE YOU THIS POEM. |
| 407 | OH... |
| 408 | BUT DON'T EAT IT TILL YOU GET ON THE PLANE. |
| 409 | "THANK YOU, AUNT PHOEBE." |
| 410 | OH... |
| 411 | OKAY, BYE, CHAMP. |
| 412 | NOW, I KNOW THERE'S GOING TO BE A LOT OF BABES IN SAN DIEGO |
| 413 | BUT REMEMBER, THERE'S ALSO A LOT TO LEARN. |
| 414 | I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY, ROSS. |
| 415 | IT'S A MONKEY. |
| 416 | SAY WHAT YOU FEEL, JOEY. |
| 417 | MARCEL, I'M HUNGRY. |
| 418 | THAT WAS GOOD. |
| 419 | MARCEL, THIS IS FOR YOU. |
| 420 | IT'S, UH... |
| 421 | JUST, YOU KNOW, SOMETHING TO, UH... DO ON THE PLANE. |
| 422 | IF YOU GUYS DON'T MIND, I'D LIKE TO TAKE A MOMENT-- |
| 423 | JUST ME AND HIM. |
| 424 | SURE. GO AHEAD. |
| 425 | OH! UH... |
| 426 | MARCEL, COME HERE, COME HERE. |
| 427 | COME HERE. |
| 428 | WELL, BUDDY... THIS IS IT. |
| 429 | THERE'S JUST A COUPLE OF THINGS I WANTED TO SAY. |
| 430 | I'M REALLY GOING TO MISS YOU |
| 431 | AND I'M NEVER GOING TO FORGET ABOUT YOU. |
| 432 | YOU'VE BEEN MORE THAN JUST A PET TO ME. |
| 433 | YOU'VE BEEN... YOU'VE BEEN... |
| 434 | MORE LIKE A... |
| 435 | MARCEL, WOULD YOU LEAVE ME ALONE? |
| 436 | WOULD YOU JUST STOP HUMPING ME FOR TWO SECONDS? |
| 437 | WOULD YOU..? JUST TAKE HIM AWAY. |
| 438 | JUST TAKE HIM. |
| 439 | OH, THAT I WERE A GLOVE UPON THAT HAND |
| 440 | THAT I MIGHT... TOUCH THY CHEEK. |
| 441 | THAT'S FINE. THANK YOU. |
| 442 | NEXT. |
| 443 | HI. I'LL BE READING |
| 444 | FOR THE ROLE OF MERCUTIO. |
| 445 | NAME? |
| 446 | HOLDEN McGROIN. |
| 447 | |
| 1 | TELL HIM! |
| 2 | SHUT UP. |
| 3 | TELL ME WHAT? |
| 4 | YOU WON'T EVEN LOOK AT HIM. |
| 5 | COME ON, TELL ME. |
| 6 | I COULD USE ANOTHER REASON WHY WOMEN WON'T LOOK AT ME. |
| 7 | Rachel: ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. |
| 8 | LAST NIGHT, I HAD A DREAM THAT, UM, YOU AND I WERE, UH... |
| 9 | DOING IT ON THIS TABLE. |
| 10 | WOW! |
| 11 | EXCELLENT DREAM SCORE. |
| 12 | WHY, WHY... WHY WOULD YOU DREAM THAT? |
| 13 | MORE IMPORTANTLY: |
| 14 | WAS I ANY GOOD? |
| 15 | WELL, YOU WERE PRETTY DAMN "ANY GOOD." |
| 16 | INTERESTING, 'CAUSE IN MY DREAMS |
| 17 | I'M SURPRISINGLY INADEQUATE. |
| 18 | WELL, LAST NIGHT, YOU SEEMED TO KNOW YOUR WAY |
| 19 | AROUND THE TABLE. |
| 20 | ( forced chuckle ) |
| 21 | I LOVE IT WHEN WE SHARE. |
| 22 | YOU OKAY THERE? |
| 23 | I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU TWO HAD SEX IN HER DREAM. |
| 24 | WELL, I'M SORRY. IT WAS A ONE-TIME THING. |
| 25 | I WAS VERY DRUNK |
| 26 | AND IT WAS SOMEONE ELSE'S SUBCONSCIOUS. |
| 27 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 28 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 29 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 30 | ♪ IT FEELS LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 31 | ♪ WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY ♪ |
| 32 | ♪ YOUR WEEK, YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 33 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 34 | ♪ WHEN THE RAIN STARTS TO FALL ♪ |
| 35 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 36 | ♪ LIKE I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE ♪ |
| 37 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 38 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME TOO. ♪ |
| 39 | HELLO, RACHEL. |
| 40 | GET OFF. |
| 41 | OOH! GIVE ME. |
| 42 | CAN YOU SEE ME OPERATING A DRILL PRESS? |
| 43 | I DON'T KNOW. WHAT ARE YOU WEARING? |
| 44 | PHEEBS, WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO OPERATE A DRILL PRESS? |
| 45 | JUST FOR SOME SHORT-TERM WORK. |
| 46 | TILL I GET BACK SOME OF MY MASSAGE CLIENTS. |
| 47 | PIRATES AGAIN? |
| 48 | NO. NOTHING LIKE THAT. |
| 49 | I'M JUST... SUCH A DUMMY. |
| 50 | I TAUGHT THIS "MASSAGE YOURSELF AT HOME" WORKSHOP. |
| 51 | AND THEY ARE. |
| 52 | HEY, HEY, CHAN-- SHE COULD WORK FOR YOU. |
| 53 | THANKS, JOEY. THAT'S A GOOD IDEA. |
| 54 | I COULD. I COULD DO IT! |
| 55 | WHAT IS IT? |
| 56 | MY SECRETARY WILL BE OUT FOR A COUPLE WEEKS. |
| 57 | SHE'S HAVING ONE OF HER BOOBS REDUCED. |
| 58 | IT'S A WHOLE BIG BOOB STORY. |
| 59 | I COULD BE A SECRETARY. |
| 60 | PHEEBS, I DON'T KNOW IF IT'S YOUR KIND OF THING |
| 61 | BECAUSE IT INVOLVES A LOT OF BEING NORMAL... |
| 62 | FOR A LARGE PORTION OF THE DAY. |
| 63 | I COULD DO THAT. |
| 64 | WHAT ARE YOU PLAYING WITH? |
| 65 | IT'S MY NEW BEEPER. |
| 66 | WHY DOES A PALEONTOLOGIST NEED A BEEPER? |
| 67 | IS IT FOR DINOSAUR EMERGENCIES? |
| 68 | "HELP! COME QUICK! THEY'RE STILL EXTINCT!" |
| 69 | NO. IT'S FOR WHEN CAROL GOES INTO LABOR. |
| 70 | SHE CAN GET ME WHEREVER I AM. |
| 71 | ALL SHE HAS TO DO IS DIAL 55-JIMBO. |
| 72 | A COOL PHONE NUMBER AND A POSSIBLE NAME FOR THE KID. |
| 73 | SEE YOU GUYS LATER. |
| 74 | OFF TO SEE YOUNG ETHAN? |
| 75 | THANK YOU. |
| 76 | HOW YOUNG IS YOUNG ETHAN? YOUNG? |
| 77 | HE'S... OUR AGE. |
| 78 | WHEN WE WERE..? |
| 79 | OKAY. HE'S A SENIOR IN COLLEGE. |
| 80 | COLLEGE? WHOA. |
| 81 | AND THIS MAN-CHILD HAS NO PROBLEM |
| 82 | WITH HOW OLD YOU ARE? |
| 83 | NO. OF COURSE NOT. |
| 84 | IT'S NOT EVEN AN ISSUE. |
| 85 | 'CAUSE I TOLD HIM I WAS 22. |
| 86 | WHAT? |
| 87 | OH, I CAN'T PASS FOR 22? |
| 88 | MAYBE 25, 26. |
| 89 | I AM 26. |
| 90 | THERE YOU GO. |
| 91 | ( phone ringing ) |
| 92 | ( phone still ringing ) |
| 93 | CAN YOU HEAR THAT? |
| 94 | YEAH. |
| 95 | YOU SEE, THAT'LL STOP |
| 96 | WHEN YOU PICK UP THE PHONE. |
| 97 | OH! |
| 98 | OOH! I'M ON. |
| 99 | OKAY. |
| 100 | ( even voice: ) MR. BING'S OFFICE. |
| 101 | NO, I'M SORRY. |
| 102 | HE'S IN A MEETING RIGHT NOW. |
| 103 | I'M NOT IN A MEETING. |
| 104 | WILL HE KNOW WHAT THIS IS IN REFERENCE TO? |
| 105 | AND HE HAS YOUR NUMBER? |
| 106 | I'LL SEE THAT HE GETS THE MESSAGE. |
| 107 | BYE-BYE. |
| 108 | WHA... |
| 109 | ROSS SAYS HI. |
| 110 | AH. |
| 111 | THIS IS SO FUN. |
| 112 | WHAT DO WE DO NOW? |
| 113 | WELL, NOW, I ACTUALLY HAVE TO GET TO WORK. |
| 114 | "MOST LIKELY." |
| 115 | ( dry chuckling ) |
| 116 | OKAY. I'M GOING TO BE OUT THERE. |
| 117 | OKAY. |
| 118 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 119 | BYE-BYE. |
| 120 | BYE-BYE. |
| 121 | ( intercom beeps ) |
| 122 | YES? |
| 123 | Phoebe: What you doin'? |
| 124 | OKAY, WINDOWS ARE CLEAN. |
| 125 | CANDLES ARE LIT. |
| 126 | BELT'S TOO TIGHT. |
| 127 | GOT TO CHANGE THE BELT. |
| 128 | DID I TURN THE FISH? |
| 129 | NOPE. 'CAUSE I MADE LASAGNA. |
| 130 | AM I OUT OF CONTROL? |
| 131 | JUST A TOUCH. |
| 132 | MON, I DON'T UNDERSTAND. |
| 133 | YOU'VE BEEN DATING THIS GUY |
| 134 | SINCE LIKE, WHAT, HIS MIDTERMS. |
| 135 | WHY ALL OF A SUDDEN |
| 136 | ARE YOU SO... |
| 137 | OHHH. |
| 138 | WHAT? |
| 139 | COULD TONIGHT BE THE NIGHT? |
| 140 | I DON'T KNOW. |
| 141 | LOOK, HE'S A GREAT GUY. |
| 142 | I LOVE BEING WITH HIM |
| 143 | BUT, YOU KNOW, THINGS HAPPEN WHEN THEY HAPPEN. |
| 144 | YOU DON'T PLAN THESE THINGS. |
| 145 | OH. SO DID YOU SHAVE YOUR LEGS? |
| 146 | YEAH. |
| 147 | UH-HUH. |
| 148 | WOULD YOU LET IT GO, ROSS? |
| 149 | IT WAS JUST A DREAM. |
| 150 | IT DOESN'T MEAN... |
| 151 | ( beeping ) |
| 152 | OOH-HOO! |
| 153 | OOH, THIS IS IT! |
| 154 | OH, MY GOD! IT'S BABY TIME! |
| 155 | RELAX. BE COOL. BE COOL. |
| 156 | YEAH, HI. I WAS JUST BEEPED. |
| 157 | NO. ANDRE IS NOT HERE. |
| 158 | THIRD TIME TODAY. |
| 159 | YES, I AM SURE. |
| 160 | NO, SIR, I DO NOT PERFORM THOSE KIND OF SERVICES. |
| 161 | SERVICES? |
| 162 | OOH. SERVICES. |
| 163 | YEAH, YOU WANT 55-JUMBO. |
| 164 | YEP. |
| 165 | THAT'S RIGHT. |
| 166 | THAT'S RIGHT. JUMBO WITH A "U," SIR. |
| 167 | NO. BELIEVE ME, YOU DON'T WANT ME. |
| 168 | JUDGING BY HIS NUMBER, I'D BE A HUGE DISAPPOINTMENT. |
| 169 | ALL RIGHTY. BYE-BYE. |
| 170 | IT'S ALL RIGHT. |
| 171 | Joey: HEY, HEY! HOW WAS THE FIRST DAY? |
| 172 | OH. EXCELLENT. |
| 173 | EVERYONE WAS SO, SO NICE. |
| 174 | SEE? IT PAYS TO KNOW THE MAN WHO WEARS MY SHOES. |
| 175 | ME. OH. |
| 176 | NO, I DIDN'T TELL ANYBODY THAT I KNEW YOU. |
| 177 | WHY NOT? |
| 178 | WELL, BECAUSE, YOU KNOW... |
| 179 | THEY DON'T LIKE YOU. |
| 180 | WHAT? |
| 181 | I THOUGHT YOU KNEW. |
| 182 | NUH-UH. |
| 183 | WHO DOESN'T LIKE ME? |
| 184 | EVERYONE. |
| 185 | EXCEPT FOR, UM... |
| 186 | NO. EVERYONE. |
| 187 | WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? |
| 188 | DON'T FEEL BAD. |
| 189 | THEY USED TO LIKE YOU A LOT. |
| 190 | BUT THEN YOU GOT PROMOTED, AND NOW |
| 191 | YOU'RE LIKE MR. BOSS MAN. |
| 192 | YOU KNOW, MR. BING. BOSS MAN BING. |
| 193 | I CAN'T BELIEVE IT. |
| 194 | YEAH, YEAH. THEY EVEN DO YOU. |
| 195 | THEY DO ME? |
| 196 | YOU KNOW, LIKE, UM... OKAY. |
| 197 | "COULD THAT REPORT BE ANY LATER?" |
| 198 | ( both laughing ) |
| 199 | I DON'T SOUND LIKE THAT. |
| 200 | YEAH, YOU DO. |
| 201 | "THE HILLS ARE ALIVE WITH THE SOUND... |
| 202 | OF MUSIC." |
| 203 | MY SCONE! |
| 204 | Both: MY SCONE! |
| 205 | I DON'T SOUND LIKE THAT. |
| 206 | THAT IS SO NOT TRUE. |
| 207 | THAT IS SO NOT... |
| 208 | THAT IS SO NO... |
| 209 | THAT... |
| 210 | OH, SHUT UP! |
| 211 | YOU DID NOT. |
| 212 | YES. UP UNTIL I WAS NINE |
| 213 | I THOUGHT GUNPOINT WAS AN ACTUAL PLACE |
| 214 | WHERE CRIMES HAPPEN. |
| 215 | HOW IS THAT? |
| 216 | IT'S ALWAYS ON THE NEWS: |
| 217 | "A MAN IS BEING HELD UP AT GUNPOINT." |
| 218 | "TOURISTS ARE BEING TERRORIZED AT GUNPOINT." |
| 219 | AND I JUST KEPT THINKING |
| 220 | "WHY DO PEOPLE CONTINUE TO GO THERE?" |
| 221 | OH, AH... I SHOULD GO. |
| 222 | OKAY. |
| 223 | OKAY. |
| 224 | UNLESS... |
| 225 | WHAT? |
| 226 | UH, UH, UNLESS YOU WANT TO STAY OVER. |
| 227 | I MEAN, I'M GOING TO, SO... |
| 228 | YEAH. I'D REALLY LIKE THAT. |
| 229 | ( both moaning ) |
| 230 | UH... |
| 231 | BEFORE WE GET INTO ANY STAYING-OVER STUFF |
| 232 | THERE'S SOMETHING YOU SHOULD KNOW. |
| 233 | OKAY. |
| 234 | IS THIS LIKE |
| 235 | "I HAVE AN EARLY CLASS TOMORROW," |
| 236 | OR, "I'M SECRETLY MARRIED TO A GOAT"? |
| 237 | WELL, IT'S SOMEWHERE IN BETWEEN. |
| 238 | YOU SEE, IN A STRICTLY TECHNICAL SENSE, OF COURSE |
| 239 | I'M NOT, UH... |
| 240 | WELL, I MEAN, I HAVEN'T EVER, UM... |
| 241 | ETHAN? YEAH? |
| 242 | ARE YOU A VIRGIN? |
| 243 | WELL... IF THAT'S WHAT YOU KIDS |
| 244 | ARE CALLING IT THESE DAYS |
| 245 | THEN, YES, I AM. |
| 246 | I, UH, I'VE KIND OF BEEN WAITING |
| 247 | FOR THE RIGHT PERSON. |
| 248 | REALLY? YEAH. |
| 249 | YOU DO KNOW |
| 250 | I WAS TALKING ABOUT YOU, RIGHT? |
| 251 | WOW! |
| 252 | YOU KEEP SAYING THAT. |
| 253 | YOU KNOW, YOU READ ABOUT IT. |
| 254 | YOU SEE IT IN THE MOVIES |
| 255 | EVEN WHEN YOU PRACTICE IT AT HOME |
| 256 | MAN, OH, MAN... |
| 257 | IT IS NOTHING LIKE THAT. |
| 258 | OH! |
| 259 | LISTEN. |
| 260 | LISTEN. |
| 261 | UM, YOU TOLD ME SOMETHING |
| 262 | THAT WAS REALLY DIFFICULT FOR YOU |
| 263 | AND I FIGURE IF YOU CAN BE HONEST |
| 264 | THEN I CAN TOO. |
| 265 | OH, GOD! DON'T SAY I DID IT WRONG. |
| 266 | NO, NO, NO. |
| 267 | NOTHING WRONG ABOUT THAT. |
| 268 | OH. |
| 269 | UM, OKAY. HERE GOES. |
| 270 | I'M NOT 22. |
| 271 | I'M, I'M 25... |
| 272 | AND 13 MONTHS. |
| 273 | HUH. |
| 274 | BUT I FIGURE |
| 275 | THAT SHOULDN'T CHANGE ANYTHING. |
| 276 | WHAT DOES IT MATTER HOW OLD WE ARE? |
| 277 | UH, LISTEN, UM... |
| 278 | AS LONG AS WE'RE TELLING STUFF, UH... |
| 279 | I HAVE ANOTHER ONE FOR YOU. |
| 280 | I'M A LITTLE |
| 281 | YOUNGER THAN I SAID. |
| 282 | YOU'RE NOT A SENIOR? |
| 283 | OH, I'M A SENIOR... |
| 284 | IN HIGH SCHOOL. |
| 285 | O-KAY. |
| 286 | WHAT WE DID WAS WRONG. |
| 287 | OH, GOD. |
| 288 | I JUST HAD SEX |
| 289 | WITH SOMEONE WHO WASN'T ALIVE |
| 290 | DURING THE BICENTENNIAL. |
| 291 | I JUST HAD SEX. |
| 292 | ETHAN, FOCUS. |
| 293 | HOW COULD YOU NOT TELL ME? |
| 294 | YOU NEVER TOLD ME HOW OLD YOU WERE. |
| 295 | WELL, THAT'S DIFFERENT. |
| 296 | MY LIE DIDN'T MAKE ONE OF US A FELON IN 48 STATES. |
| 297 | WHAT WERE YOU THINKING? |
| 298 | I WASN'T. I WAS TOO BUSY FALLING... |
| 299 | DON'T SAY IT. |
| 300 | IN LOVE WITH YOU. |
| 301 | REALLY? |
| 302 | SORRY. |
| 303 | WELL, FALL OUT OF IT. |
| 304 | YOU KNOW, YOU SHOULDN'T EVEN BE HERE. |
| 305 | IT'S A SCHOOL NIGHT. |
| 306 | OH, GOD. OH, GOD. |
| 307 | I'M LIKE THOSE WOMEN THAT YOU SEE |
| 308 | WITH SHINY GUYS NAMED CHAD. |
| 309 | I'M JOAN COLLINS. |
| 310 | WHO? |
| 311 | OKAY, ANDRE SHOULD BE THERE IN ABOUT 45 MINUTES. |
| 312 | ALL RIGHTY. BYE-BYE. |
| 313 | UH... IT'S JUST EASIER THAT WAY. |
| 314 | OH, COME ON. |
| 315 | YOU TOLD ME ABOUT THE LAST DREAM. |
| 316 | NO! FORGET IT. |
| 317 | WHY NOT? WAS I DOING SOMETHING PARTICULARLY... |
| 318 | SAUCY? |
| 319 | ALL RIGHT, FINE. |
| 320 | UM... |
| 321 | WELL, YOU WERE NOT THE ONLY ONE THERE. |
| 322 | JOEY WAS THERE TOO. |
| 323 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 324 | WAS THERE, UH..? |
| 325 | ( chuckling ) |
| 326 | ANYBODY... ANYBODY ELSE THERE? |
| 327 | NO. |
| 328 | YOU SURE? |
| 329 | NOBODY HANDING OUT MINTS OR ANYTHING? |
| 330 | NO. IT WAS JUST THE THREE OF US. |
| 331 | OH. |
| 332 | SO, WAS IT LIKE YOU AND CHANDLER |
| 333 | AND THEN YOU AND ME |
| 334 | OR YOU AND ME AND CHANDLER? |
| 335 | ( laughs ) |
| 336 | YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 337 | WHAT? |
| 338 | THERE WERE TIMES... |
| 339 | WHEN IT WASN'T EVEN ME. |
| 340 | OOH... OOH... |
| 341 | ( both laugh knowingly ) |
| 342 | THAT IS SO SWEET, YOU GUYS. |
| 343 | MON... |
| 344 | HEY. |
| 345 | MON, ETHAN CALLED AGAIN. |
| 346 | MON? |
| 347 | All: MON! |
| 348 | WHAT? |
| 349 | ETHAN CALLED AGAIN. |
| 350 | OH. |
| 351 | YOU'RE NOT SEEING HIM ANYMORE? |
| 352 | NO. |
| 353 | YOU KNOW, SOMETIMES THINGS DON'T WORK OUT. |
| 354 | AND THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE FACT |
| 355 | THAT HE NEEDS A NOTE TO GET OUT OF GYM? |
| 356 | I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING. |
| 357 | I DID NOT SAY ANYTHING. |
| 358 | I SWEAR. |
| 359 | HE STOPPED BY. |
| 360 | Joey: NEXT TIME YOU TALK TO HIM |
| 361 | ASK HIM WHICH ONE THE STRONGEST POWER RANGER IS. |
| 362 | OH, YEAH. |
| 363 | ( feigns laughter ) |
| 364 | OH, MY LIFE IS JUST SO AMUSING. |
| 365 | CAN WE DROP IT NOW? |
| 366 | SURE. SORRY. |
| 367 | IT'S MORPHIN TIME! |
| 368 | STEGOSAURUS! |
| 369 | TYRANNOSAURUS! |
| 370 | ( guys grunting ) |
| 371 | OOH, OH, I GOT TO GO. |
| 372 | WHOA. OOH, HEAD RUSH. |
| 373 | OH. |
| 374 | ONE MORE AND THEN I HAVE TO GO. |
| 375 | COOL. |
| 376 | WHERE YOU GOING? |
| 377 | OH, I GOT A BIRTHDAY PARTY WITH SOME WORK PEOPLE. |
| 378 | WORK PEOPLE? |
| 379 | NOBODY TOLD ME. |
| 380 | NO, I KNOW. |
| 381 | THAT'S PART OF THE WHOLE |
| 382 | THEM-NOT-LIKING-YOU EXTRAVAGANZA. |
| 383 | YOU KNOW WHAT, I DON'T GET THIS. |
| 384 | A MONTH AGO THESE PEOPLE WERE MY FRIENDS. |
| 385 | JUST BECAUSE I'M IN CHARGE |
| 386 | DOESN'T MEAN I'M A DIFFERENT PERSON. |
| 387 | THEN YOU SHOULD COME TONIGHT. |
| 388 | LET THEM SEE WHAT A GREAT GUY YOU STILL ARE. |
| 389 | YOU THINK SO? |
| 390 | I REALLY DO. YEAH. |
| 391 | OKAY. |
| 392 | OKAY. |
| 393 | OH, BUT COULD WE NOT GO TOGETHER? |
| 394 | I DON'T WANT TO BE THE GEEK WHO INVITED THE BOSS. |
| 395 | Chandler: AND I THINK LAST NIGHT WAS GREAT |
| 396 | YOU KNOW, THE KARAOKE THING |
| 397 | TRACY AND I DOING "EBONY AND IVORY." |
| 398 | YOU WERE GREAT, BUT THEY STILL MADE FUN OF YOU. |
| 399 | WHAT? |
| 400 | YOU KNOW, NOW YOU'RE MORE LIKE MR. CARING BOSS-- |
| 401 | MR. I'M-ONE-OF-YOU BOSS |
| 402 | MR. I-WANT-TO-BE-YOUR-BUDDY BOSS-MAN BING. |
| 403 | THEN I DON'T GET IT. |
| 404 | WELL... YOU KNOW WHAT, CHANDLER |
| 405 | I THINK YOU JUST GOT TO FACE IT. |
| 406 | YOU'RE LIKE THE GUY IN THE BIG OFFICE. |
| 407 | YOU'RE THE ONE THAT HIRES THEM AND FIRES THEM. |
| 408 | THEY SAY YOU'RE A GREAT BOSS. |
| 409 | THEY DO? |
| 410 | UH-HUH, BUT THEY'RE NOT |
| 411 | YOUR FRIENDS ANYMORE. |
| 412 | BUT I JUST WANT TO... |
| 413 | BUT YOU CAN'T. |
| 414 | BUT I JUST WANT... |
| 415 | NUH-UH. |
| 416 | ( beeping ) |
| 417 | OH, GOD... |
| 418 | AREN'T YOU GOING TO..? |
| 419 | CAROL AND I HAVE A NEW SYSTEM. |
| 420 | IF SHE PUNCHES IN 911 IT MEANS SHE'S HAVING A BABY. |
| 421 | OTHERWISE, I JUST IGNORE IT. |
| 422 | WHAT ABOUT ANDRE? |
| 423 | WELL, THIS MORNING HE GOT A CALL |
| 424 | FROM WHAT I THINK WAS OUR COUSIN NATHAN |
| 425 | AND FRANKLY, IT WAS A LITTLE MORE |
| 426 | THAN I NEEDED TO KNOW. |
| 427 | HEY. |
| 428 | THAT WAS GOING TO BE MY OPENING. |
| 429 | HEY, DID YOU GUYS CHECK OUT |
| 430 | THOSE NEW HAND DRYERS IN THE BATHROOM? |
| 431 | I THOUGHT THAT WAS JUST A RUMOR. |
| 432 | TRUE STORY. |
| 433 | I GOT TO TELL YOU SOMETHING. |
| 434 | I'M NOT 17. |
| 435 | I ONLY SAID THAT |
| 436 | SO YOU'D THINK I WAS CUTE AND VULNERABLE. |
| 437 | I'M ACTUALLY 30. |
| 438 | I HAVE A WIFE, A JOB. |
| 439 | I'M YOUR CONGRESSMAN. |
| 440 | MONICA, THIS IS RIDICULOUS. |
| 441 | WE ARE GREAT TOGETHER. |
| 442 | WE CAN TALK, WE MAKE EACH OTHER LAUGH |
| 443 | AND THE SEX... |
| 444 | OKAY. I HAVE NO FRAME OF REFERENCE |
| 445 | BUT I THOUGHT THAT WAS GREAT. |
| 446 | IT WAS. |
| 447 | WHAT'S THE PROBLEM? |
| 448 | THEN IT'S, UM... |
| 449 | IT'S ICKY. |
| 450 | ICKY? |
| 451 | YOU'RE ACTUALLY GOING TO THROW THIS AWAY |
| 452 | BECAUSE IT'S ICKY? |
| 453 | LOOK, THIS ISN'T EASY FOR ME EITHER. |
| 454 | I WISH THINGS WERE DIFFERENT. |
| 455 | IF YOU WERE A FEW YEARS OLDER |
| 456 | OR I WAS A FEW YEARS YOUNGER OR... |
| 457 | WE LIVED IN BIBLICAL TIMES... |
| 458 | I-- I COULD REALLY... |
| 459 | NO, DON'T SAY IT. |
| 460 | LOVE YOU. |
| 461 | ARE YOUR HANDS STILL WET? |
| 462 | MOIST. |
| 463 | LET'S DRY THEM AGAIN. |
| 464 | I'M LIKE, "CAN THESE MARGARITAS BE ANY STRONGER?" |
| 465 | HEY, CHANDLER. |
| 466 | HELLO, MR. BING. |
| 467 | LOVED YOUR STEVIE WONDER LAST NIGHT. |
| 468 | THANKS. LISTEN, ABOUT THE WEEKLY NUMBERS |
| 469 | I'M GOING TO NEED THEM ON MY DESK BY 9:00. |
| 470 | SURE. |
| 471 | NO PROBLEM. |
| 472 | YOU HAVE TO GIVE THEM SOMETHING, YOU KNOW. |
| 473 | THAT WAS GERSTON, SANTOS... |
| 474 | WHO'S THE GUY WITH THE MOUSTACHE? |
| 475 | PEETRIE. PEETRIE. |
| 476 | RIGHT. SOME PEOPLE ARE GOING TO BE WORKING... |
| 477 | THIS WEEKEND. |
| 478 | ( moaning ) |
| 479 | OH, THAT'S NICE. |
| 480 | OHH... |
| 481 | OH. |
| 482 | OH, ROSS! |
| 483 | ROSS? |
| 484 | I'M HERE. |
| 485 | YOU ARE? |
| 486 | UM... |
| 487 | WE WERE, UM... |
| 488 | WE WERE... JUST... |
| 489 | WOW. |
| 490 | WHAT? |
| 491 | ( beeping ) |
| 492 | GREAT. NOW I'M HAVING A BABY. |
| 493 | WHAT?! |
| 494 | WHOA! |
| 495 | WHAT?! |
| 496 | I'M HAVING A BABY! |
| 497 | OH, MY GOD! |
| 498 | THE PHONE, THE PHONE! |
| 499 | I DON'T HAVE THE PHONE. |
| 500 | ( yells ) |
| 501 | ROSS? |
| 502 | I'M HURT. |
| 503 | MONICA, LET'S GO! |
| 504 | COME ON! WOMAN IN LABOR. |
| 505 | LOOK WHAT I GOT GOING HERE. |
| 506 | SAVE IT FOR THE CAB. |
| 507 | WHAT ARE YOU DOING? |
| 508 | WE'RE GOING TO A HOSPITAL. |
| 509 | I CAN'T LOOK NICE? |
| 510 | THERE'S DOCTORS THERE. |
| 511 | JOEY, GET OUT OF THE FRIDGE. |
| 512 | ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. |
| 513 | WHAT IS THAT? |
| 514 | FOR THE RIDE. |
| 515 | YEAH, LIKE IN A CAB... |
| 516 | SAVE IT! OKAY. HATING THIS. |
| 517 | MONICA, COME ON, NOW! LET'S GO! |
| 518 | BABY COMING. |
| 519 | I CAN'T BELIEVE IT. |
| 520 | I'M GOING TO BE AN AUNT. |
| 521 | I'M GOING TO HAVE A NEPHEW. |
| 522 | OH, THAT'S NICE. |
| 523 | GET OUT. |
| 524 | LET'S GO. COME ON. |
| 525 | ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. I'M GOING. |
| 526 | HERE WE GO. |
| 527 | ROSSY... |
| 528 | COME ON. |
| 529 | COME ON. |
| 530 | COME ON, ROSSY. |
| 531 | ROSSY, COME ON. |
| 532 | |
| 1 | She's not here yet. She's not here. |
| 2 | She's having my baby and she's not here. |
| 3 | I'm sure everything's fine. Has her water broken yet? |
| 4 | I don't know, but when I spoke to her |
| 5 | she said she'd already passed the mucus plug. |
| 6 | [gagging] |
| 7 | Do we have to know about that? |
| 8 | Joey, what are you gonna do when you have a baby? |
| 9 | I'm gonna be in the waiting room, handing out cigars. |
| 10 | Yes, Joey's made arrangements to have his baby |
| 11 | in a movie from the '50s. |
| 12 | I don't believe this. |
| 13 | I mean, she could be giving birth in the cab. |
| 14 | Oh, Ross, relax, it's probably like |
| 15 | two dollars for the first contraction |
| 16 | and then 50 cents for each additional contract.. |
| 17 | What, it's okay when Chandler does it? |
| 18 | You have to pick your moments. |
| 19 | Hi. Did I miss it? Did I miss it? |
| 20 | - No, she's not even here yet. - What's with the guitar? |
| 21 | Well, I just thought we might be here for a while |
| 22 | so you know, things might get musical. |
| 23 | Oh, my God! Where the hell have you been? |
| 24 | - We stopped at the gift shop. - The gift.. |
| 25 | I was looking at stuffed animals and Susan wanted a Chunky. |
| 26 | Oh, Susan wanted a Chunky. |
| 27 | You're having a baby. Okay? A baby. |
| 28 | You don't stop for Chunkies! |
| 29 | I used to have that bumper sticker. |
| 30 | You see what I mean? |
| 31 | [theme music] |
| 32 | ♪ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ♪ |
| 33 | ♪ Your job's a joke you're broke |
| 34 | ♪ You're love life's DOA ♪ |
| 35 | ♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪ |
| 36 | ♪ Well it hasn't been your day your week your month |
| 37 | ♪ Or even your year ♪ |
| 38 | ♪ But I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 39 | ♪ When the rain starts to pour ♪ |
| 40 | ♪ I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 41 | ♪ Like I've been there before ♪ |
| 42 | ♪ I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 43 | ♪ 'Cause you're there for me too ♪♪ |
| 44 | (Ross) 'Stopped for a Chunky.' |
| 45 | Let it go, Ross. |
| 46 | I got an extra one. You want this? |
| 47 | No. |
| 48 | Hey! How's my favorite parenting team doing? |
| 49 | Dr. Franzblau. Hi. |
| 50 | So, I understand you're thinking of having a baby. |
| 51 | Well! I see you're nine months pregnant. |
| 52 | That's a good start. |
| 53 | How are you doing with your contractions? |
| 54 | Oh, I love them. |
| 55 | Each one's like a little party in my uterus. |
| 56 | They're every four minutes and last 55 seconds. |
| 57 | 59 seconds. Quartz. Ha! |
| 58 | Swiss quartz. Ha-ha! |
| 59 | Am I allowed to drink anything? |
| 60 | Ice chips. Just ice chips. |
| 61 | - They're the nurse's station. - Oh, I'll get it! |
| 62 | - No, I'm getting it. - No, I got it. Be right back. |
| 63 | I'm getting it. I'm getting it. |
| 64 | Hi. Thought you might like some ice chips. |
| 65 | Thanks. |
| 66 | And if you need anything else.. |
| 67 | I do not believe we have met. Hi. |
| 68 | I'm Rachel Greene. |
| 69 | I'm Carol's ex-husband's sister's roommate. |
| 70 | It's nice to meet you. I'm Dr. Franzblau. |
| 71 | I'm your roommate's brother's ex-wife's obstetrician. |
| 72 | [laughing] |
| 73 | Oh, that's funny. |
| 74 | [instrumental music] |
| 75 | - I want a baby. - Hmm. |
| 76 | Not tonight, honey. I got an early day tomorrow. |
| 77 | Get up. Come on. Let's get some coffee. |
| 78 | Oh, okay, because we never do that. |
| 79 | Shoot, shoot, shoot, shoot! |
| 80 | Or just fall down. That's good too. |
| 81 | - Knick fan? - Oh, yeah. |
| 82 | - Oh, boy, do they suck. - Hey, listen, lady.. |
| 83 | Whoa. |
| 84 | Look. Look at your man, Ewing. Nice shot. |
| 85 | You know what, he couldn't hit water |
| 86 | if he was standing on a boat. |
| 87 | - Oh, yeah? And who do you like? - Celtics. |
| 88 | Celtics? Ha! They couldn't hit a boat if.. |
| 89 | Wait.. |
| 90 | They suck, alright? |
| 91 | Shut up. You know, it's a rebuilding year.. |
| 92 | [gasps] Whoa! |
| 93 | Whoa! Uh, let me get the father. |
| 94 | Hey! We need, we need a father over here! |
| 95 | - Uh, we need a father! - There's no father. |
| 96 | - Oh! Oh, oh, sorry. - That's okay. I'm fine. |
| 97 | I'm, oh! |
| 98 | - I'm.. - Oh! Okay. Right this way. |
| 99 | All the other pregnant women seem to be going in here. |
| 100 | [guitar music] |
| 101 | ♪ They're tiny and chubby and so sweet to touch ♪ |
| 102 | ♪ But soon they'll grow up And resent you so much ♪ |
| 103 | ♪ Now they're yelling at you and you don't know why ♪ |
| 104 | ♪ And you cry and you cry and you cry ♪ |
| 105 | ♪ And you cry and you cry and you cry ♪♪ |
| 106 | - Thanks, Ross. - Yeah. I'm paying you to stop. |
| 107 | - Okay? - Okay. |
| 108 | (Monica) 'Oh, look, twins. Hi, guys. Oh, cute, cute.' |
| 109 | No fair! I don't even have one. |
| 110 | How come they get two? |
| 111 | - You'll get one. - Oh, yeah? When? |
| 112 | (Chandler) 'Alright, I'll tell you what.' |
| 113 | When we're 40, if neither of us are married |
| 114 | what do you say you and I get together and have one? |
| 115 | Why won't I be married when I'm 40? |
| 116 | Oh, oh, no. I just meant hypothetically. |
| 117 | Okay, hypothetically |
| 118 | why won't I be married when I'm 40? |
| 119 | - No. No, no. - No, no, what is it? Seriously. |
| 120 | Is there something fundamentally unmarriable about me? |
| 121 | - Uh, uh-- - Well? |
| 122 | Dear God! This parachute is a knapsack. |
| 123 | - Hey. - Hey. |
| 124 | Ooh! Look at you, dressy-dress. |
| 125 | Did you go home and change? |
| 126 | Uh, well, it's an important day. I want to look nice. |
| 127 | Um, has Dr. Franzblau been by? |
| 128 | No, I haven't seen him. |
| 129 | Well, here is he? He is supposed to be here. |
| 130 | What if the baby needs him? |
| 131 | Rachel, what's the deal with you and doctors anyway? |
| 132 | Is like your father a doctor? |
| 133 | Yeah, why? |
| 134 | No reason. |
| 135 | Mom, we've been through this. |
| 136 | No, I am not calling him. |
| 137 | I don't care if it is his kid. The guy's a jerk. |
| 138 | No, I am not alone. Joey's here. |
| 139 | What do you mean, "Joey who?" |
| 140 | - Joey who? - Tribbiani. |
| 141 | Joey Tribbiani. |
| 142 | Yes. Okay. |
| 143 | Hold on. She wants to talk to you. |
| 144 | Take the phone! |
| 145 | Hi. Yeah, it's me. |
| 146 | No, no, no. We're just friends. |
| 147 | Yeah, I'm single. |
| 148 | Twenty-five. |
| 149 | An actor. Hello? |
| 150 | She's not much of a phone person. |
| 151 | Yeah. So, uh, so, uh.. |
| 152 | What's the deal with this father guy? |
| 153 | I mean, If someone was having my baby somewhere |
| 154 | I'd wanna know about it, you know? |
| 155 | Hey, Knick fan, am I interested in your views on fatherhood? |
| 156 | Uh, no. |
| 157 | Okay, uh.. |
| 158 | - Look, maybe I should just go. - Maybe you should. |
| 159 | Good luck. And, uh, take care, huh? |
| 160 | [sighs] |
| 161 | Know what the Celtics' problem is? |
| 162 | They let the players run the team. |
| 163 | - Oh, that is so not true! - Oh, it is. |
| 164 | - It is. - It isn't. |
| 165 | - Breathe. - Breathe. |
| 166 | - Breathe. - Breathe. |
| 167 | - Breathe. - Breathe. |
| 168 | You're gonna kill me! |
| 169 | Fifteen more seconds, 14, 13, 12-- |
| 170 | - Count faster! - It's gonna be okay! |
| 171 | Just remember, we're doing it for Jordy. |
| 172 | Just keep focusing on Jordy. |
| 173 | - Who the hell is Jordy? - Your son. |
| 174 | Whoa, whoa, I don't have a son named Jordy. |
| 175 | We all agreed, my son's name is Jamie. |
| 176 | Well, Jamie was the name of Susan's first girlfriend |
| 177 | so we went back to Jordy. |
| 178 | Whoa, whoa, whoa! What do you mean, "Back to Jordy?" |
| 179 | We never landed on Jordy. |
| 180 | We-we just passed by it during the whole Jesse |
| 181 | Cody, Dillon fiasco. |
| 182 | - Ow! Ow! Ow! - What? What? What? |
| 183 | - Leg cramp, leg cramp. - Okay, I got it. |
| 184 | - I got it! - I got it |
| 185 | - I'm doing it. - I got it! Hey! |
| 186 | You get to sleep with her! I get the cramps! |
| 187 | No, you don't! |
| 188 | Alright, that is it. I want both of you out! |
| 189 | - What? She started it.. - He started it.. |
| 190 | I don't care! |
| 191 | I'm trying to get a person out of my body here |
| 192 | and you're not making it any easier. |
| 193 | Now go! |
| 194 | - Thanks a lot. - See what you did? |
| 195 | - Yeah. Listen-- - Out! |
| 196 | Breathe, breathe, breathe. |
| 197 | Oh, no. |
| 198 | Ugh! What is that? |
| 199 | Something exploded! |
| 200 | It's just her water breaking. Calm down, will ya? |
| 201 | Water breaking? What do you mean? |
| 202 | What's that, water breaking? |
| 203 | Breathe, breathe, breathe. |
| 204 | Oh, please. This is so your fault. |
| 205 | How? How is this my fault? |
| 206 | Carol never threw me out of a room before you came along. |
| 207 | Yeah, well, there's a lot of things |
| 208 | Carol never did before I came along. |
| 209 | Are you trying to be clever? |
| 210 | You know what your problem is? You are so threatened by me! |
| 211 | [indistinct chattering] |
| 212 | That's it! Get in here, come on. |
| 213 | My God! You guys. |
| 214 | I don't believe you. |
| 215 | There are children coming into the world |
| 216 | in this very building and your negative fighting noises |
| 217 | are not the first thing they should be hearing. |
| 218 | So just stop all the yelling! Just stop it! |
| 219 | Yeah, Susan. |
| 220 | Don't make me do this again. I don't like my voice like this. |
| 221 | Okay, who wants to hear something ironic? |
| 222 | (in unison) Help! |
| 223 | - I'm having a baby here. - Help! |
| 224 | Hello! |
| 225 | - Help! - Okay, everyone stand back. |
| 226 | Ow! |
| 227 | Are they here yet? |
| 228 | No, honey, they're not but don't worry, we're gonna find them. |
| 229 | and until we do, we are all here for you, okay? |
| 230 | - Okay. - Okay. Okay. |
| 231 | Okay, so you were telling me about Paris. |
| 232 | It sounds wonderful. |
| 233 | There was this great little pastry shop right by my hotel. |
| 234 | - Oh! Oh! - There you go, dear. |
| 235 | Come on, Lydia, you can do it! Push! |
| 236 | Push him out, push him out. Harder, harder! |
| 237 | Push him out, push him out. Way out! |
| 238 | Let's get that ball and really move! Hey, hey! |
| 239 | Ho, ho! Let's get.. |
| 240 | I was just.. |
| 241 | Yeah, okay. Push. |
| 242 | Push! Push! |
| 243 | What are you gonna do? Suck the door open? |
| 244 | Help! Help! |
| 245 | - Help. - Help! |
| 246 | ♪ And they found their bodies the very next day ♪ |
| 247 | ♪ And they found their bodies the very next.. ♪ |
| 248 | ♪ La la la ♪♪ |
| 249 | - Help! - Help! |
| 250 | Mom, everything's going fine, really. |
| 251 | Yeah. Ross is great. He's uh.. |
| 252 | He's in a whole other place. |
| 253 | No. He's gone. |
| 254 | No, no, No, you don't have to fly back really. |
| 255 | What do you mean, "This might be your only chance?" |
| 256 | Would you stop? I'm only 26. |
| 257 | [baby cooing] I'm not even thinking about babies yet. |
| 258 | [imitating static] |
| 259 | Where have you been? |
| 260 | Oh, I just had a baby. |
| 261 | Mazel tov! |
| 262 | I don't know, it could be an hour, could be three |
| 263 | but relax, she's doing great. |
| 264 | So, uh, tell me, are you currently involved with anyone? |
| 265 | No! No, not at the moment. No, I'm not. No. |
| 266 | - Are you in.. - No, no. |
| 267 | It's hard enough to get women to go out with me. |
| 268 | [chuckles] Right, yeah. Heard that about cute doctors. |
| 269 | No, no, really, I suppose it's because I spend so much time |
| 270 | you know...where I do. |
| 271 | Oh. |
| 272 | Hmm, I try not to let work affect my personal life |
| 273 | but it's hard when-when you do...what I do. |
| 274 | It's like uh.. |
| 275 | Well, for instance, what do you do? |
| 276 | I'm a waitress. |
| 277 | Okay, alright, well, aren't there times |
| 278 | when you come home at the end of the day |
| 279 | and you're just like "If I see one more cup of coffee.." |
| 280 | [clears throat] Yeah. Gotcha! |
| 281 | I'm gonna check up on your friend. |
| 282 | Okay, that's fine. |
| 283 | So how'd you know I was even here? |
| 284 | (Roy) 'Your mom called me.' |
| 285 | So is this her? |
| 286 | No, this is a loaner. |
| 287 | Listen, I'm sorry you had to do this by yourself. |
| 288 | I wasn't by myself. |
| 289 | I had a doctor, a nurse and a helper guy. |
| 290 | So did you see who won the game? |
| 291 | Yeah. Knicks by ten. They suck. |
| 292 | Uh, they're not so bad. |
| 293 | [instrumental music] |
| 294 | Come on, come on. |
| 295 | Dammit! Dammit! Dammit! Dammit! |
| 296 | This is all your fault. |
| 297 | This was supposed to be like the greatest day of my life. |
| 298 | You know, my son is being born and I'm.. |
| 299 | I should be in there, you know. |
| 300 | Instead I'm stuck in a closet with you. |
| 301 | The woman I love is having a baby today |
| 302 | I've been waiting for this just as much as you have. |
| 303 | No, no, believe me, no one has been waiting |
| 304 | for this just as much as I have, okay? |
| 305 | And you know what the funny thing is |
| 306 | when this thing is over, you get to go home with the baby, okay. |
| 307 | Where does that leave me? |
| 308 | You get to be the baby's father. |
| 309 | Everyone knows who you are. And who am I? |
| 310 | There's Fathers Day, there's Mothers Day |
| 311 | there's no Lesbian Lover Day. |
| 312 | Everyday is Lesbian Lover Day! |
| 313 | This is so great. |
| 314 | You wanna explain that? |
| 315 | I mean, 'cause when I was growing up |
| 316 | you know, my dad left and my mother died |
| 317 | and my stepfather went to jail so. |
| 318 | I barely had enough of pieces of parents to make one whole one. |
| 319 | And here's this little baby who has like three whole parents |
| 320 | who care about it so much that they're fighting over |
| 321 | who gets to love it the most |
| 322 | and it's not even born yet. It's just.. |
| 323 | It's just the luckiest baby in the whole world. |
| 324 | I'm sorry, you were fighting. |
| 325 | Where are they? |
| 326 | I'm sure they'll be here soon. |
| 327 | Yeah, honey, they wouldn't miss this. |
| 328 | Relax, you're only at nine centimeters |
| 329 | and the baby's at zero station. |
| 330 | Hey, you are really frightening me. |
| 331 | [screaming] |
| 332 | Somebody wanna help me. Trying to rip out my heart. |
| 333 | Uh, that's great. Anybody seen a nipple? |
| 334 | Alright. Ten centimeters. Here we go. |
| 335 | Alright, honey, time to start pushin'. |
| 336 | But they're not here yet. |
| 337 | I'm sorry, I can't tell the baby to wait for them. |
| 338 | Oh, God! |
| 339 | Okay, got the vent open. |
| 340 | Hey, I'm Ben. |
| 341 | I'm hospital worker, Ben. |
| 342 | It's Ben to the rescue. |
| 343 | - Ta-da-da! - Okay, okay, okay. |
| 344 | - Ben, you ready? - Yeah. |
| 345 | - Alright, give me your foot. - Okay. |
| 346 | Okay, on three, Ben. One, two, three! |
| 347 | [grunting] |
| 348 | Come on, Ben. Okay, that's it, Ben. |
| 349 | Okay, okay. |
| 350 | What do you see? |
| 351 | (Phoebe) 'Well, Susan, I see what appears to be a dark vent.' |
| 352 | 'Wait.' |
| 353 | 'Yes, it is in fact a dark vent.' |
| 354 | Pheebs, It's open! It's open! |
| 355 | Wait! You forgot your legs! |
| 356 | (in unison) Push! Push! |
| 357 | [indistinct chattering] |
| 358 | - We're here. - Where have you been? |
| 359 | Long story, honey. |
| 360 | Okay, I need you to keep pushing. |
| 361 | I need.. Excuse me, can I have this? |
| 362 | Alright, alright, there's a few too many people in this room |
| 363 | there's about to be one more, so anybody who's not an ex-husband |
| 364 | or a lesbian life partner, out you go. |
| 365 | [indistinct chattering] |
| 366 | Good luck, you guys. Good luck. |
| 367 | Let me ask you, do you have to be Carol's lesbian life partner? |
| 368 | Out! |
| 369 | Alright. Alright, he's crowning. Here he comes! |
| 370 | Whoa, whoa, let me see. I gotta see, I gotta see. |
| 371 | [gasps] |
| 372 | Oh! A head! |
| 373 | Oh! It's-it's huge. Carol, how are you doing this? |
| 374 | Not helping! |
| 375 | You're doing great. You're doing fine |
| 376 | - Okay, okay. - Hello! |
| 377 | Oh, sorry. |
| 378 | What do you see? |
| 379 | - What do you see? - What do you see? |
| 380 | We got a head, we got shoulders, we got arms, we go.. |
| 381 | Oh, look at that little, the fingers. |
| 382 | Oh, a chest and a stomach and it-it's a boy. |
| 383 | Definitely boy. Alright. |
| 384 | Okay, legs, knees and feet. Oh! Oh! |
| 385 | [sighs] |
| 386 | [gasps] |
| 387 | He's here. |
| 388 | He's a person. |
| 389 | [baby crying] Oh, look at that. |
| 390 | Who does he look like? |
| 391 | Kinda like my Uncle Ed covered in Jell-O. |
| 392 | Really? |
| 393 | (Phoebe) 'You guys, he's beautiful.' |
| 394 | Oh, thanks, Pheebs. |
| 395 | No shouting but we still need a name for this little guy. |
| 396 | How about Ben? |
| 397 | I like Ben. |
| 398 | Ben. |
| 399 | Ben. |
| 400 | - Ben's good. - Yeah? |
| 401 | How come you never mentioned Ben before? |
| 402 | We, uh, we just cooked it up. |
| 403 | That's what we were off doing. |
| 404 | - Hi. - Hey. |
| 405 | - Can we come in? - Yeah, come on. Come on. |
| 406 | [baby crying] |
| 407 | Everybody, there's someone I'd like you to meet. |
| 408 | [baby crying] Yeah. This is Ben. |
| 409 | - Oh, hi, Ben. - Hi, Ben. |
| 410 | Ben, this is everybody. |
| 411 | Hey, Ben. |
| 412 | Susan, he looks just like you. |
| 413 | (Susan) 'Thanks.' |
| 414 | Oh, God, I can't believe |
| 415 | one of us actually has one of these. |
| 416 | I know. I still am one of these. |
| 417 | - Ross? - Yeah. |
| 418 | Can I? |
| 419 | - Okay, the head. - Okay. |
| 420 | The head. You gotta.. |
| 421 | [instrumental music] |
| 422 | Hi, Ben. |
| 423 | Hi. |
| 424 | I'm your Aunt Monica. |
| 425 | Yes, I am! I'm your Aunt Monica! |
| 426 | I.. |
| 427 | I will always have gum. |
| 428 | Ben, I want you to know that there maybe some times |
| 429 | when I-I may not be around. Like this.. |
| 430 | 'But I'll still always come back..' |
| 431 | ...like this. |
| 432 | And sometimes I may be away longer. |
| 433 | Like this.. |
| 434 | '...but I'll still always come back.' |
| 435 | Like this. |
| 436 | And sometimes, I'll want you to steal third |
| 437 | and I'll go like this. |
| 438 | - He is so amazing! - Yeah, I know. Look at him. |
| 439 | Ben? |
| 440 | Ben? |
| 441 | Hey, Ben? |
| 442 | Nothing. I don't think that's his name. |
| 443 | Oh, look, look, he's closing his eyes. |
| 444 | Oh, look, he's opening his eyes. |
| 445 | He doesn't do much, does he? |
| 446 | Nope. This is pretty much it. |
| 447 | You guys wanna get some coffee? |
| 448 | (all) Yeah. |
| 449 | Yeah, I'll see you guys later. |
| 450 | [instrumental music] |
| 451 | Oh, look, he's closing his eyes again. |
| 452 | |
| 1 | Ross: THERE'S LITTLE BEN. |
| 2 | LOOK AT AUNT MONICA'S LITTLE BOY. |
| 3 | LOOK, HE'S GOT ROSS'S HAIRCUT. |
| 4 | LET ME SEE. |
| 5 | OH, GOD, IS HE JUST THE SWEETEST THING. |
| 6 | YOU MUST JUST WANT TO KISS HIM ALL OVER. |
| 7 | THAT WOULD BE NICE. |
| 8 | ( snorts ) |
| 9 | PARDON? |
| 10 | NOTHING. JUST A LITTLE EXTRA AIR IN MY MOUTH. |
| 11 | HEY, CHAN, CAN YOU HELP ME OUT HERE? |
| 12 | I PROMISE I'LL PAY YOU BACK. |
| 13 | OH, YEAH, RIGHT, OKAY. |
| 14 | INCLUDING THE WAFFLES LAST WEEK |
| 15 | YOU NOW OWE ME... |
| 16 | 17 JILLION DOLLARS. |
| 17 | I WILL, REALLY. I'LL PAY YOU BACK. |
| 18 | AND WHERE'S THIS MONEY COMING FROM? |
| 19 | I'M HELPING OUT DOWN AT THE N.Y.U. MED SCHOOL |
| 20 | WITH SOME RESEARCH. |
| 21 | WHAT KIND OF RESEARCH? |
| 22 | JUST, YOU KNOW, SCIENCE. |
| 23 | SCIENCE. |
| 24 | YEAH, I THINK I'VE HEARD OF THAT. |
| 25 | IT'S A FERTILITY STUDY. |
| 26 | OH. |
| 27 | JOEY, PLEASE TELL ME |
| 28 | YOU'RE ONLY DONATING YOUR TIME. |
| 29 | ALL RIGHT, COME ON, YOU GUYS. |
| 30 | IT'S NOT THAT BIG A DEAL. |
| 31 | I JUST GO DOWN THERE EVERY OTHER DAY |
| 32 | AND MAKE MY CONTRIBUTION TO THE PROJECT. |
| 33 | HEY, HEY |
| 34 | BUT AT THE END OF TWO WEEKS I GET $700. |
| 35 | YOU'RE GOING TO BE MAKING MONEY HAND OVER FIST. |
| 36 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 37 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 38 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 39 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 40 | ♪ AND IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY ♪ |
| 41 | ♪ YOUR WEEK, YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 42 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 43 | ♪ WHEN THE RAIN STARTS TO FALL ♪ |
| 44 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 45 | ♪ LIKE I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE ♪ |
| 46 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 47 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME TOO ♪ |
| 48 | OKAY, WE GOT THE COLESLAW, WE GOT THE BUNS... |
| 49 | WE'VE GOT THE GROUND-UP FLESH |
| 50 | OF FORMERLY CUTE COWS AND TURKEYS. |
| 51 | MEN ARE HERE. |
| 52 | WE MAKE FIRE. |
| 53 | COOK MEAT. |
| 54 | THEN PUT OUT FIRE BY PEEING. |
| 55 | NO GET INVITED BACK. |
| 56 | JOEY, MELANIE CALLED. |
| 57 | SHE'S GOING TO BE LATE. |
| 58 | OKAY. |
| 59 | HOW ARE THINGS GOING WITH YOU TWO? |
| 60 | IS SHE BECOMING YOUR SPECIAL SOMEONE? |
| 61 | I DON'T KNOW. |
| 62 | SHE'S, UH, SHE'S PRETTY GREAT. |
| 63 | WHAT DOES SHE THINK OF YOUR LITTLE SCIENCE PROJECT? |
| 64 | YOU THINK I'M GOING TO TELL A GIRL I LIKE |
| 65 | THAT I'M ALSO SEEING A CUP? |
| 66 | MAN'S GOT A POINT. |
| 67 | THE TOUGH THING IS |
| 68 | SHE REALLY WANTS TO HAVE SEX WITH ME. |
| 69 | CRAZY BITCH. |
| 70 | I STILL GOT A WEEK LEFT TO GO IN THE PROGRAM. |
| 71 | AND ACCORDING TO THE RULES |
| 72 | IF I WANT THE MONEY |
| 73 | I'M NOT ALLOWED TO CONDUCT ANY PERSONAL EXPERIMENTS |
| 74 | IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. |
| 75 | JOEY, WE ALWAYS KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN. |
| 76 | HOW LONG DID YOU THINK |
| 77 | THIS BARBECUE WAS GOING TO LAST? |
| 78 | I'M GOING TO CHINA. |
| 79 | GEEZ, YOU SAY ONE THING... |
| 80 | YOU'RE GOING TO CHINA? |
| 81 | IT'S FOR THE MUSEUM. |
| 82 | SOMEONE FOUND A BONE. |
| 83 | THEY DON'T WANT US TO HAVE THE BONE. |
| 84 | I'M GOING TO TRY AND PERSUADE THEM TO GIVE US... |
| 85 | IT'S A WHOLE BIG BONE THING. |
| 86 | ANYWAY, I'M GOING TO BE GONE FOR LIKE A WEEK. |
| 87 | SO IF YOU WANT TO REACH ME, YOU CAN'T. |
| 88 | HERE'S MY ITINERARY. |
| 89 | UM, HERE'S A PICTURE OF ME. |
| 90 | LET ME SEE. |
| 91 | COULD YOU TAKE IT TO CAROL EVERY NOW AND THEN |
| 92 | AND SHOW IT TO BEN SO HE DOESN'T FORGET ME? |
| 93 | YEAH. |
| 94 | HI, BEN, I'M YOUR FATHER. |
| 95 | I AM THE HEAD! |
| 96 | ALL RIGHT. THIS BARBECUE'S GOING TO BE VERY FUN. |
| 97 | HEY, IS RACHEL HERE? |
| 98 | I WANTED TO WISH HER A HAPPY BIRTHDAY BEFORE I LEFT. |
| 99 | SHE'S HAVING DRINKS WITH CARL. |
| 100 | OH. |
| 101 | HEY, WHO'S CARL? |
| 102 | YOU KNOW, THAT GUY |
| 103 | SHE MET AT THE COFFEEHOUSE. |
| 104 | NO. |
| 105 | THERE'S THIS GUY THAT SHE MET... |
| 106 | AT THE COFFEEHOUSE, RIGHT. |
| 107 | SO YOU DO KNOW WHO HE IS. |
| 108 | I'M GOING TO GO SAY GOOD-BYE TO THE GUYS. |
| 109 | HEY, TELL THEM THAT BONE STORY. |
| 110 | HI. |
| 111 | HEY. |
| 112 | I HAVE TO GO TO CHINA. |
| 113 | THE COUNTRY? |
| 114 | NO, NO. THIS BIG PILE OF DISHES IN MY MOM'S BREAKFRONT. |
| 115 | DO YOU GUYS KNOW |
| 116 | WHO CARL IS? |
| 117 | LET'S SEE... ALVIN, SIMON, THEODORE... |
| 118 | NO. |
| 119 | WELL, RACHEL'S HAVING DRINKS WITH HIM TONIGHT. |
| 120 | OH, NO! |
| 121 | HOW CAN SHE DO THAT |
| 122 | WHEN SHE'S NEVER SHOWN ANY INTEREST IN YOU? |
| 123 | FORGET ABOUT HER. |
| 124 | HE'S RIGHT, MAN. PLEASE. |
| 125 | GO TO CHINA. |
| 126 | EAT CHINESE FOOD. |
| 127 | OF COURSE, THERE THEY JUST CALL IT "FOOD." |
| 128 | YEAH, I GUESS. |
| 129 | I DON'T KNOW. |
| 130 | ALL RIGHT. JUST... JUST GIVE HER THIS, OKAY? |
| 131 | WE'RE JUST LOOKING OUT FOR YOU. |
| 132 | WE WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY. |
| 133 | AND I MAY HAVE A COUPLE BEERS IN ME |
| 134 | BUT I LOVE YOU, MAN. |
| 135 | I'M STILL ON MY FIRST. |
| 136 | I JUST THINK YOU'RE NICE. |
| 137 | THAT'S WHEN ME AND MY FRIEND |
| 138 | STARTED THIS WHOLE FRUITBASKET BUSINESS. |
| 139 | WE CALL OURSELVES "THE THREE BASKETEERS." |
| 140 | LIKE THE THREE MUSKETEERS, ONLY WITH FRUIT. |
| 141 | OH. |
| 142 | OKAY. |
| 143 | HOW DOES EVERYBODY LIKE THEIR BURGERS? |
| 144 | NO, NO, PRESENTS FIRST |
| 145 | FOOD LATER. |
| 146 | HEY, HOLD ON THERE, TIGER. |
| 147 | HOW'S IT GOING? HOW YOU HOLDING UP? |
| 148 | SHE DEFINITELY THINKS TONIGHT'S THE NIGHT |
| 149 | WE'RE GOING TO COMPLETE THE TRANSACTION |
| 150 | IF YOU KNOW WHAT... |
| 151 | AND YOU DO. |
| 152 | SO HAVE YOU EVER THOUGHT ABOUT BEING THERE FOR HER? |
| 153 | WHAT DO YOU MEAN? |
| 154 | YOU KNOW, JUST BE THERE FOR HER. |
| 155 | NOT FOLLOWING YOU. |
| 156 | THINK ABOUT IT. |
| 157 | OKAY, I'M GUESSING THIS IS FROM... |
| 158 | WELL, THANK YOU, MELANIE. |
| 159 | OKAY, THIS ONE RIGHT HERE IS FROM ME. |
| 160 | OKAY. |
| 161 | IT'S LIGHT. |
| 162 | IT RATTLES. |
| 163 | IT'S... |
| 164 | TRAVEL SCRABBLE. |
| 165 | WOW. THANK YOU. |
| 166 | THIS ONE'S FROM JOEY. |
| 167 | FEELS LIKE A BOOK. |
| 168 | AND IT'S A BOOK. |
| 169 | IT'S DR. SEUSS! |
| 170 | THAT BOOK GOT ME THROUGH SOME TOUGH TIMES. |
| 171 | THERE IS A LITTLE CHILD INSIDE THIS MAN. |
| 172 | YES. THE DOCTORS SAY IF THEY REMOVE IT |
| 173 | HE'LL DIE. |
| 174 | WHO'S THIS FROM? |
| 175 | ROSS. |
| 176 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 177 | HE REMEMBERED. |
| 178 | REMEMBERED WHAT? |
| 179 | IT WAS MONTHS AGO. |
| 180 | WE WERE WALKING BY THIS ANTIQUE STORE. |
| 181 | I SAW THIS PIN IN THE WINDOW. |
| 182 | I TOLD HIM IT WAS JUST LIKE ONE |
| 183 | MY GRANDMOTHER HAD WHEN I WAS A LITTLE GIRL. |
| 184 | I CAN'T BELIEVE HE REMEMBERED. |
| 185 | WELL, SURE, BUT CAN YOU PLAY IT ON A PLANE? |
| 186 | IT'S SO PRETTY. |
| 187 | THIS MUST HAVE COST HIM A FORTUNE. |
| 188 | I CAN'T BELIEVE |
| 189 | HE DID THIS. |
| 190 | REMEMBER BACK IN COLLEGE |
| 191 | WHEN ROSS FELL IN LOVE WITH CAROL |
| 192 | AND BOUGHT HER |
| 193 | THAT RIDICULOUSLY EXPENSIVE CRYSTAL DUCK? |
| 194 | WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY? |
| 195 | ( clearing throat ) |
| 196 | CRYSTAL DUCK. |
| 197 | NO, NO, NO. |
| 198 | THE, UM... THE LOVE PART? |
| 199 | FOR... FLANIN... |
| 200 | OH, MY GOD! |
| 201 | OH, NO, NO, NO, NO. |
| 202 | THAT'S GOOD. JUST KEEP RUBBING YOUR HEAD. |
| 203 | THAT WILL TURN BACK TIME. |
| 204 | THIS IS UNBELIEVABLE. |
| 205 | I KNOW. THIS IS REALLY, REALLY HUGE. |
| 206 | NO, IT'S NOT. |
| 207 | IT'S SMALL. IT'S TINY. |
| 208 | IT'S PETITE. IT'S WEE. |
| 209 | UH-UH. I DON'T THINK ANY OF OUR LIVES |
| 210 | ARE EVER GOING TO BE THE SAME EVER AGAIN. |
| 211 | IS THERE A MUTE BUTTON ON THIS WOMAN? |
| 212 | I THINK THIS IS SO GREAT. |
| 213 | I MEAN, YOU AND ROSS! |
| 214 | DID YOU HAVE ANY IDEA? |
| 215 | NO. NONE. |
| 216 | MY FIRST NIGHT IN THE CITY HE MENTIONED |
| 217 | SOMETHING ABOUT ASKING ME OUT |
| 218 | BUT NOTHING EVER HAPPENED... |
| 219 | WHAT ELSE DID HE SAY? |
| 220 | DOES HE WANT TO GO OUT WITH ME? |
| 221 | SINCE HE IS DESPERATELY IN LOVE WITH YOU |
| 222 | HE PROBABLY WOULDN'T MIND GETTING A CUP |
| 223 | OF COFFEE OR SOMETHING. |
| 224 | ROSS? |
| 225 | ALL THIS TIME? |
| 226 | WELL, I'VE GOT TO TALK TO HIM. |
| 227 | HE'S IN CHINA! |
| 228 | THE COUNTRY. |
| 229 | HIS FLIGHT DOESN'T LEAVE FOR ANOTHER 45 MINUTES. |
| 230 | THE TIME DIFFERENCE. |
| 231 | FROM HERE TO THE AIRPORT? |
| 232 | YES! |
| 233 | YOU'RE NEVER GOING TO MAKE IT. |
| 234 | WELL, I'VE GOT TO TRY. |
| 235 | WHAT WILL YOU SAY? |
| 236 | I-I-I DON'T KNOW. |
| 237 | WELL, THEN MAYBE YOU SHOULDN'T GO. |
| 238 | IF YOU JUST BREAK HIS HEART |
| 239 | THAT'S THE KIND OF THING THAT CAN WAIT. |
| 240 | IF IT'S GOOD NEWS, TELL HIM NOW. |
| 241 | MAYBE I'LL KNOW WHEN I SEE HIM. |
| 242 | HERE, LOOK. |
| 243 | ALL RIGHT. DOES THIS HELP? |
| 244 | NO... |
| 245 | LOOK, I CANNOT WAIT A WEEK UNTIL I SEE HIM. |
| 246 | THIS IS JUST TOO BIG. |
| 247 | I'VE JUST GOT TO TALK TO HIM. |
| 248 | I'VE GOT TO... OKAY. I'LL SEE YOU LATER. |
| 249 | RACHEL, I LOVE YOU! |
| 250 | DEAL WITH ME FIRST! |
| 251 | ZAI JIAN. |
| 252 | WO DE FENGZHENG YOU CHONGZI... |
| 253 | ALL RIGHTY! |
| 254 | NI XIAO SHI MA! |
| 255 | ROSS! |
| 256 | ROSS! |
| 257 | PARDON ME! |
| 258 | YOUR BOARDING PASS? |
| 259 | I NEED TO TALK TO MY FRIEND. |
| 260 | YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED ON THE JETWAY |
| 261 | UNLESS YOU HAVE A BOARDING PASS. |
| 262 | I KNOW, BUT HE JUST WENT ON. |
| 263 | HE'S GOT THE BLUE JACKET ON. |
| 264 | I'M SORRY. FEDERAL REGULATIONS. |
| 265 | ALL RIGHT. OKAY. |
| 266 | COULD YOU PLEASE |
| 267 | JUST GIVE HIM A MESSAGE FOR ME? |
| 268 | PLEASE? THIS IS IMPORTANT. |
| 269 | ALL RIGHT. WHAT'S THE MESSAGE? |
| 270 | I DON'T KNOW. |
| 271 | EXCUSE ME. SIR! SIR! |
| 272 | EXCUSE ME. SIR! |
| 273 | I HAVE A MESSAGE FOR YOU. |
| 274 | WHAT? |
| 275 | IT'S FROM RACHEL. |
| 276 | SHE SAID THAT SHE LOVED THE PRESENT |
| 277 | AND SHE'LL SEE YOU WHEN YOU GET BACK. |
| 278 | TOBY, OH, FOR GOD'S SAKE. |
| 279 | I DON'T KNOW WHAT SHE'S TALKING ABOUT. |
| 280 | THERE'S NO RACHEL! |
| 281 | DON'T GIVE ME THAT DEEP FREEZE. |
| 282 | MMM... |
| 283 | OH, JOEY, JOEY, JOEY. |
| 284 | I THINK I BLACKED OUT THERE FOR A MINUTE. |
| 285 | IT WAS NOTHING. |
| 286 | WELL, NOW WE'VE GOT |
| 287 | TO FIND SOMETHING FUN FOR YOU. |
| 288 | ( laughs ) |
| 289 | ( kissing ) |
| 290 | UH... YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 291 | FORGET ABOUT ME. |
| 292 | LET'S, UH... |
| 293 | LET'S GIVE YOU ANOTHER TURN. |
| 294 | ME AGAIN? |
| 295 | SURE! WHY NOT? |
| 296 | BOY! SOMEBODY'S GOING TO GET A BIG FRUIT BASKET TOMORROW. |
| 297 | OH! I'VE GOT TO TELL YOU, JOEY |
| 298 | YOU ARE NOTHING LIKE I THOUGHT YOU WOULD BE. |
| 299 | HOW DO YOU MEAN? |
| 300 | I GUESS I JUST HAD YOU PEGGED |
| 301 | AS ONE OF THOSE GUYS WHO ARE ALWAYS "ME, ME, ME." |
| 302 | BUT YOU... |
| 303 | YOU'RE A GIVER. |
| 304 | YOU'RE, LIKE, THE MOST GENEROUS MAN I'VE EVER MET. |
| 305 | I MEAN... |
| 306 | YOU'RE PRACTICALLY A WOMAN. |
| 307 | UH, SO, UH, RACH |
| 308 | YOU WANT TO SAVE THIS WRAPPING PAPER? |
| 309 | IT'S ONLY A LITTLE BIT TORN. |
| 310 | SO ARE YOU GOING TO GO FOR IT WITH ROSS |
| 311 | OR SHOULD I JUST THROW IT OUT? |
| 312 | I DON'T KNOW. |
| 313 | I DON'T KNOW. |
| 314 | I THOUGHT ABOUT IT ALL THE WAY THERE |
| 315 | AND I THOUGHT ABOUT IT ALL THE WAY BACK. |
| 316 | AND, UH, OH, YOU GUYS, YOU KNOW, IT'S ROSS. |
| 317 | YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? |
| 318 | I MEAN, IT'S ROSS. |
| 319 | SURE. SURE. |
| 320 | I DON'T KNOW. |
| 321 | I MEAN, THIS IS JUST MY INITIAL GUT FEELING... |
| 322 | ( sighs ) |
| 323 | BUT I'M THINKING... |
| 324 | I'M THINKING IT'D BE REALLY GREAT. |
| 325 | OH, MY GOD, YOU DO! |
| 326 | WE'LL BE LIKE FRIENDS-IN-LAW. |
| 327 | YOU KNOW WHAT THE BEST PART IS? |
| 328 | YOU KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT HIM. |
| 329 | IT'S LIKE STARTING ON THE 15th DATE. |
| 330 | YEAH, BUT YOU KNOW. |
| 331 | IT'S LIKE STARTING ON THE 15th DATE. |
| 332 | ANOTHER GOOD POINT. |
| 333 | NO. I MEAN... |
| 334 | WHEN YOU'RE AT THE 15th DATE |
| 335 | YOU'RE ALREADY IN A VERY RELATIONSHIPPY PLACE. |
| 336 | YOU'RE COMMITTED. |
| 337 | HUH? |
| 338 | THEN WHAT HAPPENS IF IT DOESN'T WORK OUT? |
| 339 | WHY ISN'T IT WORKING OUT? |
| 340 | SOMETIMES IT DOESN'T. |
| 341 | IS HE NOT CUTE ENOUGH FOR YOU? |
| 342 | OR NOT MAKE ENOUGH MONEY? |
| 343 | NO. I'M JUST... |
| 344 | SOMEONE ELSE? |
| 345 | WHA... IS THERE? |
| 346 | IS THERE SOMEONE ELSE? |
| 347 | NO! THERE IS NO ONE ELSE! |
| 348 | THEN WHY ARE YOU DUMPING MY BROTHER? |
| 349 | WELL... |
| 350 | HEY, BIG... |
| 351 | SHH! |
| 352 | SPENDER. |
| 353 | SHE'S STILL ASLEEP. |
| 354 | SO, HOW'D IT GO? |
| 355 | IT WAS AMAZING. |
| 356 | YOU EVER THINK YOU'RE GREAT IN BED? |
| 357 | THE FACT THAT YOU'D EVEN ASK THAT QUESTION |
| 358 | SHOWS HOW LITTLE YOU KNOW ME. |
| 359 | WELL, IT'S LIKE, LAST NIGHT |
| 360 | I COULDN'T DO THE THING THAT USUALLY MAKES ME GREAT. |
| 361 | SO I HAD TO DO ALL THIS OTHER STUFF |
| 362 | AND THE RESPONSE I GOT-- MAN, OH, MAN! |
| 363 | IT WAS LIKE A TICKER-TAPE PARADE. |
| 364 | YES, I KNOW. |
| 365 | AS IT HAPPENS, MY ROOM |
| 366 | IS VERY, VERY CLOSE TO THE PARADE ROUTE. |
| 367 | IT WAS AMAZING. |
| 368 | NOT JUST FOR HER, UH-UH. |
| 369 | FOR ME TOO. |
| 370 | IT'S LIKE ALL OF A SUDDEN, I'M BLIND. |
| 371 | BUT ALL MY OTHER SENSES ARE HEIGHTENED. |
| 372 | IT'S LIKE I WAS ABLE TO APPRECIATE IT |
| 373 | ON ANOTHER LEVEL. |
| 374 | I DIDN'T KNOW YOU HAD ANOTHER LEVEL. |
| 375 | I KNOW. NEITHER DID I. |
| 376 | HEY, GREAT SKIRT! |
| 377 | BIRTHDAY PRESENT? |
| 378 | YEAH. |
| 379 | WELL, FROM WHO? |
| 380 | FROM YOU-- I EXCHANGED THE BLOUSE |
| 381 | YOU GOT ME. |
| 382 | WELL, IT'S THE THOUGHT. |
| 383 | HEY, DOESN'T ROSS' FLIGHT GET IN IN A COUPLE OF HOURS... |
| 384 | AT GATE 27B? |
| 385 | UH, YEAH. UH, MONICA, YOU KNOW, HONEY |
| 386 | I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT IT |
| 387 | AND I'VE DECIDED THIS WHOLE ROSS THING |
| 388 | IS JUST NOT A GOOD IDEA. |
| 389 | WHY? |
| 390 | BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE |
| 391 | I WOULDN'T JUST BE GOING OUT WITH HIM |
| 392 | I WOULD BE GOING OUT WITH ALL OF YOU. |
| 393 | THERE WOULD JUST BE ALL THIS PRESSURE... |
| 394 | NO. NO PRESSURE! NO PRESSURE! |
| 395 | NOTHING HAS EVEN HAPPENED YET |
| 396 | AND YOU ARE ALREADY SO... |
| 397 | I AM NOT "SO"! |
| 398 | OKAY. I WAS A TEENSY BIT WEIRD AT FIRST |
| 399 | BUT I'LL BE GOOD. I PROMISE. |
| 400 | ( buzzing ) |
| 401 | OKAY? |
| 402 | WHO IS IT? |
| 403 | Man: It's me, Carl. |
| 404 | COME ON UP. |
| 405 | BEHIND MY BROTHER'S BACK? |
| 406 | IS EXACTLY THE KIND OF CRAZY THING |
| 407 | YOU WON'T BE HEARING FROM ME. |
| 408 | 700 BUCKS! |
| 409 | ALL RIGHT! YOU DID IT! |
| 410 | DO WE HAVE ANY FRUIT? |
| 411 | MAN, HELL OF A TWO WEEKS, HUH? |
| 412 | BUT YOU KNOW WHAT, THOUGH? |
| 413 | I REALLY FEEL LIKE I LEARNED SOMETHING. |
| 414 | YOU'RE STICKING WITH THIS "ALL FOR HER" THING? |
| 415 | WHAT ARE YOU? CRAZY? |
| 416 | WHEN A BLIND MAN GETS HIS SIGHT BACK |
| 417 | DOES HE WALK AROUND LIKE THIS? |
| 418 | I'M JUST SAYING |
| 419 | IF I SEE ONE MORE PICTURE OF ED BEGLEY, JR. |
| 420 | IN THAT STUPID ELECTRIC CAR |
| 421 | I'M GOING TO SHOOT MYSELF! |
| 422 | I'M NOT AGAINST ENVIRONMENTAL ISSUES PER SE. |
| 423 | IT'S JUST THAT GUY! |
| 424 | I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT |
| 425 | YOU WOULD RATHER GO OUT WITH HIM THAN ME. |
| 426 | WOULD YOU EXCUSE ME, PLEASE. |
| 427 | I'M TRYING TO HAVE A DATE. |
| 428 | FINE. JUST STOP THINKING ABOUT ME. |
| 429 | ( sighs ) |
| 430 | CAN'T DO IT, CAN YOU? |
| 431 | SO, I'M THINKING ABOUT YOU. |
| 432 | SO WHAT? |
| 433 | I DON'T GET IT. |
| 434 | WHAT DO YOU SEE IN THIS GUY? |
| 435 | WELL, HE SEEMS TO BE A VERY NICE... GUY. |
| 436 | ...COME ON, BUDDY! GET A REAL CAR! |
| 437 | RACHEL, COME ON. |
| 438 | GIVE US A CHANCE. |
| 439 | ROSS, IT'S TOO HARD. |
| 440 | BECAUSE IT MIGHT GET WEIRD FOR EVERYONE ELSE? |
| 441 | WHO CARES ABOUT THEM? |
| 442 | THIS IS ABOUT US. |
| 443 | I'VE BEEN IN LOVE WITH YOU SINCE LIKE, THE NINTH GRADE. |
| 444 | YOU'RE LIKE MY BEST FRIEND. |
| 445 | IF WE BROKE UP AND I LOST YOU... |
| 446 | WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. |
| 447 | WHY WOULD WE BREAK UP? |
| 448 | HAVE YOU BEEN INVOLVED WITH SOMEONE |
| 449 | WHERE YOU HAVEN'T BROKEN UP? |
| 450 | NO. |
| 451 | BUT IT ONLY HAS TO HAPPEN ONCE. |
| 452 | LOOK, YOU AND I BOTH KNOW |
| 453 | WE ARE PERFECT FOR EACH OTHER. |
| 454 | RIGHT? I MEAN, SO THE ONLY QUESTION IS |
| 455 | ARE YOU ATTRACTED TO ME? |
| 456 | I DON'T KNOW. |
| 457 | I MEAN, I'VE NEVER LOOKED AT YOU THAT WAY BEFORE. |
| 458 | WELL, START LOOKING. |
| 459 | WOW. |
| 460 | EXACTLY! |
| 461 | AND I'LL BE THE GUY |
| 462 | CAUGHT BEHIND THIS HAMMERHEAD IN TRAFFIC. |
| 463 | UH, RIGHT. |
| 464 | YOU'RE RIGHT. |
| 465 | YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 466 | WHAT? |
| 467 | I FORGOT I'M SUPPOSED |
| 468 | TO PICK UP A FRIEND AT THE AIRPORT. |
| 469 | I AM SO SORRY. |
| 470 | SO, IF YOU WANT TO STAY AND FINISH YOUR DRINKS |
| 471 | PLEASE DO. |
| 472 | I'M SORRY. I'VE GOT TO GO. I'M SORRY. |
| 473 | BUT... |
| 474 | EXCUSE ME. PARDON ME. |
| 475 | EXCUSE ME. EXCUSE ME. SORRY. |
| 476 | TOBY, FOR GOD'S SAKE. WILL YOU LET IT GO? |
| 477 | THERE'S NO RACHEL! |
| 478 | EXCUSE ME. SORRY. |
| 479 | OH, HEY. HEY. I GOT THAT. |
| 480 | OH, THANKS. SWEETIE. |
| 481 | NO PROBLEM. |
| 482 | I CANNOT WAIT FOR YOU TO MEET MY FRIENDS. |
| 483 | REALLY? |
| 484 | YOU DON'T THINK |
| 485 | THEY'LL JUDGE AND RIDICULE ME? |
| 486 | NO. THEY WILL. I JUST... |
| 487 | Both: CAN'T WAIT. |
| 488 | THEY'LL LOVE YOU. |
| 489 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS ♪ |
| 490 | ♪ STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 491 | ♪ WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY ♪ |
| 492 | ♪ YOUR WEEK, YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 493 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 494 | ♪ WHEN THE RAIN STARTS TO FALL ♪ |
| 495 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 496 | ♪ LIKE I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE ♪ |
| 497 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU... ♪ |
| 498 | [Captioned by The Caption Center WGBH Educational Foundation] |
| 499 | |
| 1 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 2 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 3 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 4 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 5 | ♪ AND IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY ♪ |
| 6 | ♪ YOUR WEEK, YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 7 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 8 | ♪ WHEN THE RAIN STARTS TO FALL ♪ |
| 9 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 10 | ♪ LIKE I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE ♪ |
| 11 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 12 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME TOO. ♪ |
| 13 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 14 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 15 | OH, MY... EXCUSE ME. |
| 16 | MOVE, MOVE, MOVE! |
| 17 | EMERGENCY, PLEASE. |
| 18 | EXCUSE ME, EXCUSE ME, EXCUSE ME. |
| 19 | ( yelling ) |
| 20 | RACH! |
| 21 | THERE YOU ARE. |
| 22 | HEY. HI. |
| 23 | OH, SO, SO... |
| 24 | HOW WAS CHINA? |
| 25 | YOU! |
| 26 | IT WAS, IT WAS GREAT. |
| 27 | OH, WHAT HAPPENED? |
| 28 | WHAT? Y-YOU'RE BLEEDING. |
| 29 | I AM? OH MY GOD. |
| 30 | OH, LOOK AT THAT. YES, I AM. |
| 31 | ANYWAY, ENOUGH ABOUT ME |
| 32 | MR. BACK- FROM-THE-ORIENT. |
| 33 | COME ON, I WANT TO HEAR EVERYTHING. |
| 34 | EVERYTHING. |
| 35 | WELL, UH, WHERE DO I START? |
| 36 | UM, WELL, THIS IS JULIE. |
| 37 | UH, JULIE, THIS IS RACHEL. |
| 38 | HI. |
| 39 | UH... OH! |
| 40 | UH, THESE ARE... |
| 41 | THESE ARE... |
| 42 | AREN'T FOR YOU. |
| 43 | UH, THESE ARE FOR YOU. |
| 44 | [ENUNCIATING] WELCOME TO OUR COUNTRY. |
| 45 | THANK YOU. |
| 46 | [ENUNCIATING] I'M FROM NEW YORK. |
| 47 | OH, OKAY. SORRY. |
| 48 | WELL, NOT A PROBLEM. |
| 49 | WE'LL JUST USE THEM TO STOP THE BLEEDING. |
| 50 | OKAY. UH, BAGGAGE CLAIM? |
| 51 | OKAY. OKAY. |
| 52 | NO WAY. I'M TELLING YOU, |
| 53 | SHE WENT TO THE AIRPORT |
| 54 | AND SHE'S GOING TO GO FOR IT WITH ROSS. |
| 55 | OH, MY GOD. THIS IS HUGE. |
| 56 | THIS IS BIGGER THAN HUGE. |
| 57 | THIS IS LIKE... ALL RIGHT, WHAT'S BIGGER THAN HUGE? |
| 58 | UM... THIS? |
| 59 | YES. |
| 60 | GUYS, YOU GOT NEW HAIRCUTS. |
| 61 | YES, YES, WE DID, THANKS TO VIDAL BUFFAY. |
| 62 | 'CAUSE, YOU KNOW, IF YOU DON'T LOOK GOOD |
| 63 | WE DON'T LOOK GOOD. |
| 64 | I LOVE THAT VOICE. |
| 65 | WHOA. OH. |
| 66 | ( panting ): AIRPORT! AIRPORT! |
| 67 | ROSS... NOT ALONE! |
| 68 | JULIE... |
| 69 | ARM AROUND HER! |
| 70 | OH... CRAMP! CRAMP! CRAMP! |
| 71 | OKAY, I THINK SHE'S TRYING TO TELL US SOMETHING. |
| 72 | QUICK, GET THE VERBS. |
| 73 | OW. |
| 74 | YOU... YOU, YOU SAID HE LIKED ME. |
| 75 | YOU, YOU... |
| 76 | YOU SLOWPOKES! |
| 77 | THAT'S ALL RIGHT, RACH. WE GOT THE BAGS. |
| 78 | HI. HELLO. |
| 79 | JULIE, THIS IS MY SISTER, MONICA. |
| 80 | THIS IS CHANDLER. |
| 81 | HEY. HEY. |
| 82 | PHOEBE, HI. |
| 83 | JOEY, WHAT UP? |
| 84 | OKAY, EVERYONE, THIS IS JULIE. |
| 85 | JULIE. |
| 86 | All: OH... |
| 87 | HI! HI! |
| 88 | HI! HEY! |
| 89 | HI. I'M NOT HERE. |
| 90 | I'LL MAKE A MUCH BETTER FIRST IMPRESSION TOMORROW |
| 91 | WHEN I DON'T HAVE 20 HOURS OF CAB AND PLANE ON ME. |
| 92 | AND BUS. |
| 93 | OH, MY GOD. THAT... |
| 94 | THE SCREAMING GUY? |
| 95 | AND THE SPITTING? |
| 96 | Ross: YOU GOT TO HEAR THIS STORY. |
| 97 | WE'RE ON THIS BUS |
| 98 | THAT'S EASILY 200 YEARS OLD, RIGHT? |
| 99 | AND THIS GUY... |
| 100 | AND THE CHICKEN POOPS IN HER LAP. |
| 101 | OH, I'M SO SORRY. |
| 102 | I JUST GAVE AWAY THE ENDING, DIDN'T I? |
| 103 | OH, IT'S JUST I JUST HEARD THIS STORY IN THE CAB |
| 104 | AND IT IS ALL I CAN THINK ABOUT. |
| 105 | THIS IS AMAZING. |
| 106 | I MEAN, HOW..? |
| 107 | HOW DID THIS HAPPEN? |
| 108 | WE WERE IN GRAD SCHOOL TOGETHER. |
| 109 | BUT WE HAVEN'T SEEN EACH OTHER SINCE THEN. |
| 110 | WELL, I LAND IN CHINA. |
| 111 | GUESS WHO'S IN CHARGE OF THE DIG? |
| 112 | JULIE! |
| 113 | ISN'T THAT GREAT? |
| 114 | I MEAN, ISN'T THAT JUST KICK-YOU-IN-THE-CROTCH |
| 115 | SPIT-ON-YOUR-NECK FANTASTIC? |
| 116 | IT'S AN EXPRESSION. |
| 117 | WE JUST WANTED TO SAY A QUICK HI |
| 118 | THEN WE'RE GOING TO GO SEE THE BABY. |
| 119 | AND THEN, WE'VE GOT TO GET SOME SLEEP. |
| 120 | YEAH. IT'S REALLY 6:00 TOMORROW NIGHT OUR TIME. |
| 121 | OKAY, WELL, LISTEN, DON'T TELL US |
| 122 | WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN THOUGH, |
| 123 | 'CAUSE I LIKE TO BE SURPRISED. |
| 124 | BYE. |
| 125 | BYE. |
| 126 | RACH, CAN I GET SOME COFFEE? |
| 127 | YEAH, SURE. |
| 128 | HEY, RACH. |
| 129 | DID YOU TALK TO HIM? NO. |
| 130 | THEN NO. |
| 131 | SO, WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO YOU IN CHINA? |
| 132 | I MEAN, WHEN LAST WE LEFT YOU |
| 133 | YOU WERE TOTALLY IN LOVE WITH... YOU KNOW. |
| 134 | I KNOW, I KNOW I WAS |
| 135 | BUT THERE WAS ALWAYS THIS LITTLE VOICE INSIDE |
| 136 | THAT KEPT SAYING, "IT'S NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN. |
| 137 | MOVE ON," AND YOU KNOW WHOSE VOICE THAT WAS? |
| 138 | GOD? |
| 139 | IT WAS YOU, PAL. |
| 140 | WELL, MAYBE IT WAS GOD DOING ME. |
| 141 | LOOK, YOU WERE RIGHT, OKAY? |
| 142 | SHE LOOKS AT ME AND SEES A FRIEND |
| 143 | THAT'S ALL, |
| 144 | AND THEN, I MET JULIE |
| 145 | AND WE'RE HAVING A GREAT TIME |
| 146 | AND I HAVE TO SAY |
| 147 | I NEVER WOULD HAVE GONE FOR IT WITH HER |
| 148 | IF IT HADN'T BEEN FOR YOU. |
| 149 | WELL, YOU OWE ME ONE, BIG GUY. |
| 150 | HERE'S YOUR LEMONADE. |
| 151 | I DIDN'T ORDER LEMONADE. |
| 152 | OH. WELL, THEN YOU BETTER GO TAKE THAT BACK |
| 153 | 'CAUSE THEY'RE GOING TO CHARGE YOU FOR THAT. |
| 154 | BUT... GO, GO, GO, GO, GO. |
| 155 | COME ON, COME ON. |
| 156 | OKAY, SO, UH, WHAT DID YOU FIND OUT? |
| 157 | HE SAID... |
| 158 | HE SAID... |
| 159 | HE SAID THEY'RE HAVING A GREAT TIME. |
| 160 | I'M SORRY. |
| 161 | WHAT? |
| 162 | BUT... |
| 163 | THE SILVER LINING IF YOU WANT TO SEE IT |
| 164 | IS THAT HE MADE THIS DECISION ALL BY HIMSELF |
| 165 | WITHOUT ANY OUTSIDE HELP WHATSOEVER. |
| 166 | HOW IS THAT A SILVER LINING? |
| 167 | YOU HAVE TO REALLY WANT TO SEE IT. |
| 168 | ( crowd cheering ) |
| 169 | IRONICALLY, THESE ARE THE GUYS WHO WERE PICKED LAST IN GYM. |
| 170 | HEY, PHEEBS. |
| 171 | YOU KNOW WHAT I'M THINKING? |
| 172 | OH, OKAY. |
| 173 | HOW... |
| 174 | IT'S BEEN SO LONG SINCE YOU'VE HAD SEX |
| 175 | YOU'RE WONDERING IF THEY'VE CHANGED IT? |
| 176 | NO, ALTHOUGH NOW THAT'S WHAT I'M THINKING. |
| 177 | SO, WHAT WERE YOU THINKING? |
| 178 | WELL, I WAS THINKING |
| 179 | THAT YOU GAVE THE GUYS SUCH GREAT HAIRCUTS |
| 180 | I THOUGHT MAYBE YOU'D LIKE TO DO MINE. |
| 181 | OH. NO. |
| 182 | WHY NOT? |
| 183 | BECAUSE I'M JUST... |
| 184 | I'M INCREDIBLY ANAL |
| 185 | AND AN UNBELIEVABLE CONTROL FREAK. |
| 186 | NO, YOU'RE NOT. |
| 187 | I KNOW I'M NOT, BUT YOU ARE |
| 188 | AND I WAS TRYING TO SPARE YOUR FEELINGS. |
| 189 | ( phone ringing ) |
| 190 | Joey: HELLO? |
| 191 | OH, HI. |
| 192 | YEAH, HOLD ON A SEC. |
| 193 | ROSS, JULIE, FOR YOU. |
| 194 | HELLO? HI. |
| 195 | HEY, ANYBODY KNOW A GOOD TAILOR? |
| 196 | YOU NEED SOME CLOTHES ALTERED? |
| 197 | NO, I'M JUST LOOKING FOR A MAN |
| 198 | TO DRAW ON ME WITH CHALK. |
| 199 | WHY DON'T YOU GO SEE FRANKIE? |
| 200 | MY FAMILY'S BEEN GOING TO HIM FOREVER. |
| 201 | HE DID MY FIRST SUIT WHEN I WAS 15. |
| 202 | NO, WAIT. 16. |
| 203 | NO. EXCUSE ME. 15. |
| 204 | ALL RIGHT, WHEN WAS 1990? |
| 205 | OKAY, YOU HAVE TO STOP THE Q-TIP |
| 206 | WHEN THERE'S RESISTANCE. |
| 207 | OKAY, OKAY, SWEETHEART |
| 208 | I'LL SEE YOU LATER. |
| 209 | OKAY, BYE. WHAT? |
| 210 | OH, THAT IS SO SWEET. |
| 211 | NO, NO, OKAY. |
| 212 | NO, YOU HANG UP. |
| 213 | NO, YOU... OKAY. |
| 214 | OKAY. ONE, TWO, THREE. |
| 215 | WELL, YOU DIDN'T HANG UP EITHER. |
| 216 | Both: SHE DIDN'T HANG UP EITHER. |
| 217 | OKAY, NO. |
| 218 | NO, YOU HANG UP. |
| 219 | YOU. YOU. Y... |
| 220 | I'M SORRY, I THOUGHT YOU WERE TALKING TO ME. |
| 221 | RACHEL... |
| 222 | I'LL JUST CALL HER BACK. |
| 223 | OKAY. |
| 224 | OKAY, OKAY, OKAY, OKAY, HOW DID THIS HAPPEN TO ME? |
| 225 | A WEEK AGO, TWO WEEKS AGO, I WAS FINE. |
| 226 | ROSS WAS JUST ROSS. |
| 227 | JUST THIS GUY. |
| 228 | NOW, ALL OF A SUDDEN, HE'S ROSS... |
| 229 | OH, THIS REALLY GREAT GUY THAT I CAN'T HAVE. |
| 230 | SWEETIE, I WANTED YOU TO HAVE HIM TOO. |
| 231 | I KNOW YOU DID. |
| 232 | I'M JUST GOING TO DEAL WITH IT. |
| 233 | ( kissing sounds ) |
| 234 | I GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE. |
| 235 | OKAY, I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU GUYS SAY. |
| 236 | SOMETHING IS BOTHERING HER. |
| 237 | YOU KNOW, I THINK I WAS 16. |
| 238 | PLEASE. JUST A LITTLE BIT OFF THE BACK? |
| 239 | UM, I'M STILL ON NO. |
| 240 | UH, MORNING. |
| 241 | HEY. HEY. |
| 242 | COULD YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES FOR A SEC? |
| 243 | OH, NO, NO. |
| 244 | I'M NOT FALLING FOR THAT AGAIN. |
| 245 | WHAT'S GOING ON? |
| 246 | WELL, I SORT OF DID A STUPID THING LAST NIGHT. |
| 247 | WHAT STUPID THING DID YOU DO? |
| 248 | BONGIORNO, TUTTI! |
| 249 | EW! |
| 250 | PAOLO, GO GET DRESSED |
| 251 | AND YOU BE ON YOUR WAY. |
| 252 | OKAY. BYE-BYE. |
| 253 | RACHEL, HOW DID THIS HAPPEN? |
| 254 | I JUST KIND OF RAN INTO HIM LAST NIGHT. |
| 255 | WHERE? AT HIS APARTMENT. |
| 256 | IS THIS JUICE? |
| 257 | WHOA, WHOA. |
| 258 | AND THE FACT THAT YOU DUMPED HIM |
| 259 | 'CAUSE HE HIT ON PHOEBE? |
| 260 | OH, GOD, I KNOW I'M PATHETIC. |
| 261 | I'M A LOSER. |
| 262 | HONEY, YOU'RE NOT PATHETIC. |
| 263 | YOU'RE JUST... YOU'RE SAD. |
| 264 | YEAH, PEOPLE DO STUPID THINGS WHEN THEY'RE UPSET. |
| 265 | MY GOD, IF I HAD A NICKEL FOR EVERY GUY |
| 266 | I WISH I HADN'T... |
| 267 | BUT THIS IS ABOUT YOUR HORRIBLE MISTAKE. |
| 268 | HI. |
| 269 | HEY. HEY. |
| 270 | HEY. |
| 271 | SORRY WE'RE LATE. |
| 272 | WE WERE, UH... |
| 273 | WELL, THERE WAS TOUCHING. |
| 274 | HEY... |
| 275 | OH... |
| 276 | HEY, ROSS! PAOLO. |
| 277 | WHAT A... |
| 278 | WHAT, UH, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? |
| 279 | I DO RACQUELA. AH. |
| 280 | SO, UH, HE'S BACK. |
| 281 | YEAH, HE'S BACK. |
| 282 | IS THAT A PROBLEM? |
| 283 | NO. NOT A PROBLEM. |
| 284 | GOOD. GLAD IT'S NOT A PROBLEM. |
| 285 | OKAY, YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO NOT TOUCH MY ASS. |
| 286 | WELL... |
| 287 | DESPITE THE YUMMY BAGELS |
| 288 | AND PALPABLE TENSION |
| 289 | I'VE GOT PANTS THAT NEED TO BE ALTERED. |
| 290 | HEY, CHANDLER, WHEN YOU SEE FRANKIE |
| 291 | TELL HIM JOEY TRIBBIANI SAYS HELLO. |
| 292 | HE'LL KNOW WHAT IT MEANS. |
| 293 | YOU SURE HE'S GOING TO BE ABLE TO CRACK THAT CODE? |
| 294 | YOU KNOW, IT'S FUNNY, THE LAST TIME PAOLO WAS HERE |
| 295 | MY HAIR WAS SO MUCH SHORTER AND CUTER. |
| 296 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 297 | OKAY, BUT, BUT |
| 298 | YOU HAVE TO PROMISE THAT |
| 299 | YOU WILL NOT BE ALL CONTROL-Y AND BOSSY |
| 300 | AND ALL, YOU KNOW, MONICA ABOUT IT. |
| 301 | I PROMISE. |
| 302 | ALL RIGHT, LET'S SEE. |
| 303 | NOW, SOME OF YOU ARE GOING TO GET CUT |
| 304 | AND SOME OF YOU AREN'T |
| 305 | BUT I PROMISE, NONE OF YOU WILL FEEL A THING. |
| 306 | OKAY. |
| 307 | ALL RIGHT, THAT'S IT. I QUIT. |
| 308 | WHAT? I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING. |
| 309 | YEAH, BUT THIS ISN'T THE FACE |
| 310 | OF A PERSON WHO TRUSTS A PERSON, OKAY? |
| 311 | THIS IS THE FACE OF A PERSON |
| 312 | WHO, YOU KNOW, DOESN'T TRUST A PERSON. |
| 313 | I'M SORRY. SORRY, PHOEBE. |
| 314 | IT'S JUST, WELL, IT'S JUST A LITTLE SHORTER |
| 315 | THAN WHAT WE HAD DISCUSSED. |
| 316 | WOULD YOU RELAX? |
| 317 | I KNOW WHAT I AM DOING. |
| 318 | THIS IS HOW HE WEARS IT. |
| 319 | HOW WHO WEARS IT? |
| 320 | DEMI MOORE. |
| 321 | DEMI MOORE IS NOT A HE. |
| 322 | WELL, HE WAS A HE IN ARTHUR AND IN TEN. |
| 323 | THAT'S DUDLEY MOORE. |
| 324 | I SAID I WANTED IT LIKE DEMI MOORE. |
| 325 | OH. OH! |
| 326 | OH, MY GOD! |
| 327 | OH, MY GOD! |
| 328 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 329 | I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY! |
| 330 | WHICH ONE IS DEMI MOORE? |
| 331 | SHE'S THE ACTRESS THAT WAS IN DISCLOSURE |
| 332 | INDECENT PROPOSAL, GHOST. |
| 333 | OH. OH, SHE'S GOT GORGEOUS HAIR. |
| 334 | I KNOW!!! |
| 335 | OH, GOD! |
| 336 | HOW LONG DO YOU WANT THE CUFFS? |
| 337 | AH, AT LEAST AS LONG AS I HAVE THE PANTS. |
| 338 | I JUST GOT THAT. |
| 339 | OKAY, NOW WE'LL DO YOUR INSEAM. |
| 340 | HOW IS SHE? |
| 341 | IT'S TOO SOON TO TELL. |
| 342 | SHE'S RESTING, WHICH IS A GOOD SIGN. |
| 343 | HOW'S THE HAIR? |
| 344 | I'M NOT GOING TO LIE TO YOU, ROSS. |
| 345 | IT DOESN'T LOOK GOOD. |
| 346 | I PUT A CLIP ON ONE SIDE |
| 347 | WHICH SEEMS TO HAVE STOPPED THE CURLING. |
| 348 | WELL, CAN WE SEE HER? |
| 349 | YOUR HAIR LOOKS TOO GOOD. |
| 350 | IT WOULD UPSET HER. |
| 351 | ROSS, WHY DON'T YOU COME ON IN? |
| 352 | WELL, HOW ARE YOU DOING? |
| 353 | I'M OKAY. |
| 354 | OH, THAT BAD, HUH? |
| 355 | WHAT? |
| 356 | LOOK, RACH, I CAN SENSE |
| 357 | WHEN WOMEN ARE DEPRESSED AND VULNERABLE. |
| 358 | IT'S ONE OF MY GIFTS. |
| 359 | SIT. |
| 360 | ( sighing ) |
| 361 | OH, JOEY, WHEN I SAW HIM |
| 362 | GET OFF THAT PLANE WITH HER |
| 363 | I REALLY THOUGHT I HAD JUST HIT ROCK BOTTOM |
| 364 | BUT TODAY, IT'S LIKE THERE'S ROCK BOTTOM |
| 365 | 50 FEET OF CRAP, THEN ME. |
| 366 | YOU GOT TO TELL ROSS HOW YOU FEEL. |
| 367 | HOW CAN I JUST TELL HIM? WHAT ABOUT JULIE? |
| 368 | WHAT ABOUT HER? THEY'VE ONLY BEEN GOING OUT FOR TWO WEEKS. |
| 369 | ROSS HAS BEEN IN LOVE WITH YOU |
| 370 | FOR, LIKE, TEN YEARS. |
| 371 | I DON'T KNOW. |
| 372 | LOOK, RACH, RACH |
| 373 | I'VE BEEN WITH MY SHARE OF WOMEN. |
| 374 | IN FACT, I'VE BEEN WITH A LOT OF PEOPLE'S SHARE OF WOMEN. |
| 375 | BUT THE POINT IS, I'VE NEVER FELT ABOUT ANYONE |
| 376 | THE WAY ROSS FELT ABOUT YOU. |
| 377 | YO, PAISAN. |
| 378 | CAN I TALK TO YOU FOR A SEC? |
| 379 | YOUR TAILOR IS A VERY BAD MAN. |
| 380 | FRANKIE? WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? |
| 381 | HEY, WHAT'S GOING ON? |
| 382 | JOEY'S TAILOR... |
| 383 | TOOK ADVANTAGE OF ME. |
| 384 | WHAT? |
| 385 | NO WAY. |
| 386 | I'VE BEEN GOING TO THE GUY FOR 12 YEARS. |
| 387 | HE SAID HE WAS GOING TO DO MY INSEAM. |
| 388 | THEN HE RAN HIS HAND UP MY LEG |
| 389 | AND THEN, THERE WAS DEFINITE... |
| 390 | WHAT? |
| 391 | CUPPING. |
| 392 | THAT'S HOW THEY DO PANTS. |
| 393 | FIRST THEY GO UP |
| 394 | ONE SIDE, THEY MOVE IT OVER |
| 395 | THEN THEY GO UP THE OTHER SIDE |
| 396 | THEY MOVE IT BACK, AND THEN THEY DO THE REAR. |
| 397 | WHAT? ROSS, WILL YOU TELL HIM? |
| 398 | ISN'T THAT HOW A TAILOR MEASURES PANTS? |
| 399 | YES, YES, IT IS-- IN PRISON! |
| 400 | WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU? |
| 401 | WHAT? |
| 402 | THAT'S NOT..? |
| 403 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 404 | EVEN MARY TYLER MOORE WOULD HAVE BEEN BETTER. |
| 405 | WELL, I LIKE IT. |
| 406 | YEAH, I DO. I THINK IT'S A TEN. |
| 407 | ( cracking up ) |
| 408 | THANK YOU. |
| 409 | MY HAIR IS VERY AMUSED. |
| 410 | OH, COME ON, MONICA. THINGS COULD BE WORSE. |
| 411 | I MEAN, UH... YOU COULD GET CAUGHT |
| 412 | BETWEEN THE MOON AND NEW YORK CITY. |
| 413 | I KNOW IT'S CRAZY, BUT IT'S TRUE. |
| 414 | ( laughing ) |
| 415 | THANK YOU. |
| 416 | WELL, I GOT TO GO. BYE. |
| 417 | SEE YA. |
| 418 | BYE, RACH. |
| 419 | OH, WAIT. |
| 420 | ARE, ARE YOU LEAVING |
| 421 | THAT'S KIND OF WHAT I MEANT BY "BYE." |
| 422 | WELL, UH, COULD I TALK TO YOU FOR A SEC? |
| 423 | OKAY. |
| 424 | HEY, WHEN THE DOCTOR DOES THAT HERNIA TEST..? |
| 425 | THAT'S OKAY. |
| 426 | WHAT'S GOING ON? |
| 427 | UM... |
| 428 | WELL, UM, OKAY, FIRST OF ALL... |
| 429 | PAOLO AND I ARE NOT BACK TOGETHER. |
| 430 | THAT WAS JUST A STUPID THING THAT I DID |
| 431 | AND IF I COULD GO BACK IN TIME |
| 432 | AND DO IT AGAIN, WELL, I WOULDN'T. |
| 433 | ( clearing throat ) |
| 434 | UM... SECOND OF ALL... |
| 435 | WHAT? |
| 436 | OKAY. |
| 437 | BEFORE YOU SAY ANYTHING I JUST NEED TO KNOW |
| 438 | IS THIS ONE OF THOSE THINGS WHERE YOU BREAK UP WITH A GUY |
| 439 | AND THEN I TELL YOU WHAT I THINK, AND THEN, |
| 440 | THE NEXT DAY, YOU GET BACK TOGETHER WITH THE GUY |
| 441 | AND I LOOK LIKE A COMPLETE IDIOT? |
| 442 | NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. |
| 443 | OKAY, UM, WELL, THEN, I THINK THE GUY'S SCUM. |
| 444 | I HATE HIM. |
| 445 | I MEAN, I ACTU... |
| 446 | I-I PHYSICALLY HATE HIM. |
| 447 | YOU KNOW? I ALWAYS HAVE, AND YOU, YOU ARE... |
| 448 | YOU'RE WAY TOO GOOD TO BE WITH A GUY LIKE THAT. |
| 449 | REALLY? |
| 450 | YOU DESERVE TO BE WITH SOMEONE |
| 451 | WHO APPRECIATES YOU, YOU KNOW |
| 452 | AND WHO GETS HOW... HOW FUNNY |
| 453 | AND SWEET AND AMAZING |
| 454 | AND ADORABLE AND... |
| 455 | SEXY YOU ARE, YOU KNOW? |
| 456 | SOMEONE WHO WAKES UP EVERY MORNING |
| 457 | THINKING, "OH, MY GOD. I'M, I-I'M WITH RACHEL!" |
| 458 | YOU KNOW? SOMEONE WHO MAKES YOU FEEL GOOD. |
| 459 | LIKE THE WAY I DO WITH JULIE. |
| 460 | WAS THERE A... A "SECOND OF ALL"? |
| 461 | UH... NO. UM, |
| 462 | I THINK THAT WAS THE WHOLE ALL. |
| 463 | I GOT TO GO. |
| 464 | OKAY? OKAY. |
| 465 | THANKS. |
| 466 | OKAY. |
| 467 | BYE. |
| 468 | NO, I SWEAR TO GOD, DAD, |
| 469 | THAT'S NOT HOW THEY MEASURE PANTS. |
| 470 | I SEE IT A LITTLE SHORTER... |
| 471 | YOU KNOW, LIKE ANDIE McDOWELL'S NEW HAIRCUT? |
| 472 | OH, I COULD DO THAT. |
| 473 | REALLY? YEAH. |
| 474 | WANT TO DO IT NOW? GREAT. |
| 475 | OKAY. OKAY. |
| 476 | SEE YOU. |
| 477 | BYE. |
| 478 | OKAY, I WANT TO MAKE REALLY SURE THIS TIME. |
| 479 | ANDIE McDOWELL IS THE GIRL |
| 480 | FROM FOUR WEDDINGS AND A FUNERAL, RIGHT? |
| 481 | NO. |
| 482 | NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. |
| 483 | THAT'S RODDY McDOWELL. |
| 484 | ANDIE McDOWELL IS THE GUY FROM PLANET OF THE APES. |
| 485 | OH, YEAH. |
| 486 | THANK YOU. |
| 487 | YOU'RE WELCOME. |
| 488 | |
| 1 | OKAY, THESE WERE UNBELIEVABLY EXPENSIVE |
| 2 | AND I KNOW HE'S GOING TO GROW OUT OF THEM IN, LIKE, 20 MINUTES, |
| 3 | BUT I COULDN'T RESIST! |
| 4 | ( everyone oohing and ahhing ) |
| 5 | OH, LOOK AT THESE. |
| 6 | HEY, BEN, JUST DO IT. |
| 7 | ( crying ) |
| 8 | OH, MY GOD. OHH! |
| 9 | OKAY, WAS THAT TOO MUCH PRESSURE FOR HIM? |
| 10 | ( crying louder ) |
| 11 | WOW, IS HE HUNGRY ALREADY? |
| 12 | I GUESS SO. |
| 13 | YOU KNOW, IT'S... |
| 14 | SOMETHING FUNNY ABOUT SNEAKERS. |
| 15 | I'LL BE RIGHT BACK. |
| 16 | UH... UH... UH... I GOT TO GET ONE TOO. |
| 17 | HEY, WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING? |
| 18 | WE'RE JUST HANGING OUT BY THE SPOONS |
| 19 | AND THE LADLE. |
| 20 | LOOK, WILL YOU GUYS GROW UP? |
| 21 | THIS IS THE MOST NATURAL, BEAUTIFUL THING IN THE WORLD. |
| 22 | YEAH, WE KNOW, BUT THERE'S A BABY SUCKING ON IT. |
| 23 | THIS IS MY SON HAVING LUNCH, OKAY? |
| 24 | IT'S GOING TO HAPPEN A LOT SO YOU BETTER GET USED TO IT. |
| 25 | IF YOU HAVE ANY PROBLEM WITH IT |
| 26 | IF YOU'RE UNCOMFORTABLE, JUST ASK QUESTIONS. |
| 27 | CAROL'S FINE WITH IT. COME ON. |
| 28 | CAROL? |
| 29 | CAROL? |
| 30 | I WAS JUST WONDERING IF JOEY COULD ASK YOU |
| 31 | A QUESTION ABOUT BREAST-FEEDING. |
| 32 | SURE. |
| 33 | UH... |
| 34 | DOES IT HURT? |
| 35 | OH, IT DID AT FIRST, BUT NOT ANYMORE. |
| 36 | OH. |
| 37 | CHANDLER? |
| 38 | SO, UH... HOW OFTEN CAN YOU DO IT? |
| 39 | AS MUCH AS HE NEEDS. |
| 40 | OH, OH, OKAY, I GOT ONE. I GOT ONE. |
| 41 | UH... |
| 42 | IF HE BLOWS INTO ONE, DOES THE OTHER ONE GET BIGGER? |
| 43 | GET OUT. GET OUT. |
| 44 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU ♪ |
| 45 | ♪ LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 46 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 47 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 48 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 49 | ♪ AND IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY ♪ |
| 50 | ♪ YOUR WEEK, YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 51 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 52 | ♪ WHEN THE RAIN STARTS TO POUR ♪ |
| 53 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 54 | ♪ LIKE I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE ♪ |
| 55 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 56 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME TOO. ♪ |
| 57 | RACHEL, DO YOU HAVE ANY MUFFINS LEFT? |
| 58 | YEAH, I FORGET WHICH ONES. |
| 59 | OH, YOU'RE BUSY. THAT'S OKAY. I'LL GET IT. |
| 60 | OH, ANYONE ELSE WANT ONE? |
| 61 | NO, THANKS. NO, I'M ALL SET. |
| 62 | OH, YOU'RE LOSING YOUR APRON HERE. |
| 63 | LET ME GET IT. |
| 64 | OH. |
| 65 | THERE YOU GO. THANK YOU. |
| 66 | ( sighs ) |
| 67 | WHAT A BITCH. |
| 68 | LISTEN, YOU GUYS, I HAVE THIS FRIEND AT BLOOMINGDALE'S |
| 69 | WHO'S QUITTING TOMORROW AND HE WANTS TO ABUSE HIS DISCOUNT. |
| 70 | SO ANYONE WHO WANTS TO COME WITH ME AND TAKE ADVANTAGE OF IT? |
| 71 | I CAN'T. I HAVE TO TAKE MY GRANDMOTHER TO THE VET. |
| 72 | OKAY. |
| 73 | UM, I'LL GO WITH YOU. |
| 74 | GREAT. |
| 75 | OKAY. |
| 76 | HI, HONEY. |
| 77 | HEY, SWEETUMS. |
| 78 | AND HELLO TO THE REST. |
| 79 | ( everyone says hi ) |
| 80 | MONICA, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? YOU CAN'T GO SHOPPING WITH HER. |
| 81 | WHAT ABOUT RACHEL? |
| 82 | THIS IS GOING TO BE A PROBLEM, ISN'T IT? OH, COME ON, |
| 83 | YOU'RE GOING TO BLOOMINGDALE'S WITH JULIE? |
| 84 | IT'S LIKE CHEATING ON RACHEL IN HER HOUSE OF WORSHIP. |
| 85 | I JUST WANT TO... |
| 86 | MONICA, SHE WILL KILL YOU. |
| 87 | SHE WILL KILL YOU LIKE A DOG IN THE STREET. |
| 88 | SO, UH, JULES TELLS ME |
| 89 | YOU GUYS ARE GOING SHOPPING TOMORROW. |
| 90 | OH, YEAH, IT'S ACTUALLY NOT THAT BIG A DEAL. |
| 91 | WELL, IT'S A BIG DEAL TO ME. |
| 92 | THIS IS GREAT, MONICA. I REALLY APPRECIATE THIS. |
| 93 | YOU'RE WELCOME. |
| 94 | WOOF! WOOF! |
| 95 | ( panting ) |
| 96 | ( imitating crash ) |
| 97 | BIJAN FOR MEN? |
| 98 | BIJAN FOR MEN? |
| 99 | BIJAN FOR MEN? |
| 100 | HEY, ANNABEL. HEY, JOEY. |
| 101 | DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE NEW GUY? |
| 102 | WHO? |
| 103 | NOBODY KNOWS HIS NAME. |
| 104 | ME AND THE GIRLS JUST CALL HIM |
| 105 | THE "HOMBRE MAN." |
| 106 | ( spurs jingling ) |
| 107 | ( as Clint Eastwood ): HOMBRE? |
| 108 | WHAT'S HE DOING IN MY SECTION? |
| 109 | I GUESS HE DOESN'T KNOW. |
| 110 | WELL, HE'S GOING TO. |
| 111 | I'LL SEE YOU A LITTLE LATER, OKAY? |
| 112 | HEY, HOW YOU DOING? |
| 113 | MORNING. |
| 114 | LISTEN, UH, I KNOW YOU'RE NEW |
| 115 | BUT, UH, IT'S KIND OF UNDERSTOOD THAT EVERYTHING |
| 116 | FROM "YOUNG MEN'S" TO THE ESCALATOR |
| 117 | IS, UH, MY TERRITORY. |
| 118 | YOUR TERRITORY, HUH? |
| 119 | YEAH. |
| 120 | BIJAN FOR MEN? NO, THANKS. |
| 121 | HOMBRE? |
| 122 | YEAH. ALL RIGHT. |
| 123 | YOU WERE SAYING? |
| 124 | PHOEBE, ALL RIGHT, LISTEN, |
| 125 | YOU WERE WITH ME, AND WE WERE SHOPPING ALL DAY. WHAT? |
| 126 | WE WERE SHOPPING, AND WE HAD LUNCH. |
| 127 | ALL RIGHT. WHAT DID I HAVE? |
| 128 | YOU HAD A SALAD. |
| 129 | OH, NO WONDER I DON'T FEEL FULL. |
| 130 | HI, GUYS. WHAT'S UP? |
| 131 | I WENT SHOPPING WITH MONICA ALL DAY |
| 132 | AND I HAD A SALAD. |
| 133 | GOOD, PHEEBS. |
| 134 | WHAT DID YOU BUY? |
| 135 | UM, WE WENT SHOPPING FOR, UM... |
| 136 | FOR, UM... |
| 137 | FOR FUR. |
| 138 | YOU WENT SHOPPING FOR FUR? |
| 139 | YEAH. |
| 140 | AND THEN I REALIZED THAT I'M AGAINST THAT |
| 141 | AND, UH... |
| 142 | SO THEN WE BOUGHT SOME, UM... |
| 143 | UM... BOOBS. |
| 144 | ( laughing ) |
| 145 | YOU BOUGHT BOOBS? |
| 146 | BRAS! |
| 147 | WE BOUGHT BRAS! |
| 148 | WE BOUGHT BRAS. |
| 149 | BIJAN FOR MEN? |
| 150 | BIJAN FOR MEN? |
| 151 | BIJAN FOR M... |
| 152 | HEY, ANNABEL |
| 153 | LISTEN, I WAS WONDERING IF, AFTER WORK |
| 154 | YOU AND I COULD GO OUT AND GRAB A CUP OF COFFEE. |
| 155 | ACTUALLY, I SORT OF HAVE PLANS. |
| 156 | OH. |
| 157 | YOU READY, ANNABEL? |
| 158 | YOU BET. |
| 159 | MAYBE SOME OTHER TIME. |
| 160 | YEAH. |
| 161 | HEY, IT'S NOT THE FIRST TIME I LOST A GIRL |
| 162 | TO A COWBOY SPRAYING COLOGNE. |
| 163 | BIJAN FOR MEN? |
| 164 | BIJAN FOR MEN?! |
| 165 | OKAY, AND THIS IS FUNNY CLOWN. |
| 166 | FUNNY CLOWN IS ONLY FOR AFTER HIS NAPS. |
| 167 | NOT BEFORE HIS NAPS OR HE WON'T SLEEP. |
| 168 | CAROL, WE'VE BEEN THROUGH THIS BEFORE. |
| 169 | WE HAVE A GOOD TIME. |
| 170 | WE LAUGH, WE PLAY. |
| 171 | IT'S LIKE WE'RE FATHER AND SON. |
| 172 | HONEY, RELAX. |
| 173 | ROSS IS GREAT WITH HIM. |
| 174 | DON'T LOOK SO SURPRISED. |
| 175 | I'M A LOVELY PERSON. |
| 176 | OH, THIS IS SO CUTE. |
| 177 | OH, I GOT THAT FOR HIM. |
| 178 | "MY MOMMIES LOVE ME." |
| 179 | THAT'S CLEVER. |
| 180 | ( phone ringing ) |
| 181 | HELLO? |
| 182 | OH, HI, JULES... |
| 183 | HI, JEW! |
| 184 | UH-HUH. |
| 185 | UH-HUH. |
| 186 | OKAY, UM, SURE. THAT WOULD BE GREAT. |
| 187 | SEE YOU THEN. BYE. |
| 188 | DID YOU JUST SAY, "HI, JEW"? |
| 189 | YES. UM, YES, I DID. |
| 190 | THAT WAS MY FRIEND EDDIE MOSKOWITZ. |
| 191 | YEAH, HE LIKES IT. |
| 192 | REAFFIRMS HIS FAITH. |
| 193 | BEN, DINNER! |
| 194 | THANKS, AUNT PHEEBS. |
| 195 | HEY, YOU DIDN'T MICROWAVE THAT, DID YOU? |
| 196 | BECAUSE IT'S BREAST MILK AND YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO DO THAT. |
| 197 | DUH, I THINK I KNOW HOW TO HEAT BREAST MILK. |
| 198 | OKAY. (all scream) |
| 199 | WHAT DID YOU JUST DO? |
| 200 | I LICKED MY ARM. WHAT? |
| 201 | IT-IT-IT'S BREAST MILK. |
| 202 | SO? |
| 203 | PHOEBE, THAT IS JUICE |
| 204 | SQUEEZED FROM A PERSON. |
| 205 | WHAT IS THE BIG DEAL? |
| 206 | NO. JOEY-- |
| 207 | OH, MY-- |
| 208 | AAH! WHAT DID YOU JUST DO? |
| 209 | OKAY, CAN PEOPLE STOP DRINKING THE BREAST MILK? |
| 210 | YOU WON'T EVEN TASTE IT? |
| 211 | NO. |
| 212 | NOT EVEN IF YOU JUST PRETEND THAT IT'S MILK? |
| 213 | NOT EVEN IF CAROL'S BREAST |
| 214 | HAD A PICTURE OF A MISSING CHILD ON IT. |
| 215 | HEY. HEY. |
| 216 | WHERE IS EVERYBODY? |
| 217 | THEY TOOK BEN TO THE PARK. |
| 218 | WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? |
| 219 | JUST OUT. |
| 220 | HAD SOME LUNCH, JUST ME. |
| 221 | LITTLE QUALITY TIME WITH ME. |
| 222 | HEY, THANKS FOR YOUR JACKET. |
| 223 | NO PROBLEM. |
| 224 | YOU CAN BORROW IT, BY THE WAY. |
| 225 | OH, HERE ARE YOUR KEYS, HON. |
| 226 | THANK YOU. |
| 227 | MON? MM-HMM? |
| 228 | IF, UH, YOU WERE AT LUNCH ALONE, HOW COME IT COST YOU $53? |
| 229 | YOU KNOW WHAT PROBABLY HAPPENED? |
| 230 | SOMEONE MUST HAVE STOLEN MY CREDIT CARD. |
| 231 | OH. |
| 232 | AND SORT OF JUST PUT THE RECEIPT BACK IN YOUR POCKET? |
| 233 | HUH. |
| 234 | THAT IS AN EXCELLENT, EXCELLENT QUESTION. |
| 235 | THAT IS EXCELLENT. |
| 236 | MONICA, WHAT'S WITH YOU? WHO DID YOU HAVE LUNCH WITH? |
| 237 | JUDY. WHO? |
| 238 | JULIE. WHAT? |
| 239 | JODY. |
| 240 | YOU WERE WITH JULIE? |
| 241 | OH, LOOK. |
| 242 | WHEN IT STARTED I WAS JUST TRYING TO BE NICE TO HER |
| 243 | BECAUSE SHE WAS MY BROTHER'S GIRLFRIEND. |
| 244 | AND THEN, ONE THING LED TO ANOTHER, AND... |
| 245 | BEFORE I KNEW IT, WE WERE... |
| 246 | SHOPPING. |
| 247 | OH! |
| 248 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 249 | HONEY, WAIT. WE ONLY DID IT ONCE. |
| 250 | IT DIDN'T MEAN ANYTHING TO ME. |
| 251 | YEAH. |
| 252 | YEAH, RIGHT. SURE. REALLY. |
| 253 | RACHEL, I WAS THINKING OF YOU THE WHOLE TIME. |
| 254 | YEAH, RIGHT. |
| 255 | LOOK. I'M SORRY, ALL RIGHT? |
| 256 | I NEVER MEANT FOR YOU TO FIND OUT. |
| 257 | OH, PLEASE! |
| 258 | PLEASE! YOU WANTED TO GET CAUGHT! |
| 259 | THAT IS NOT TRUE. |
| 260 | YOU JUST HAPPENED TO LEAVE IT IN HERE? |
| 261 | DID IT EVER OCCUR TO YOU THAT I MIGHT JUST BE THAT STUPID? |
| 262 | OKAY, MONICA, I JUST HAVE TO KNOW ONE THING. |
| 263 | ( sighs ) |
| 264 | DID YOU GO WITH HER TO BLOOMINGDALE'S? |
| 265 | OHH! |
| 266 | OKAY. |
| 267 | OKAY. |
| 268 | OKAY, I JUST REALLY, UH... |
| 269 | I JUST REALLY NEED TO NOT BE WITH YOU RIGHT NOW. |
| 270 | YEAH, HI. WHO'S THIS? HI, JOANNE. |
| 271 | IS RACHEL WORKING? IT'S MONICA. |
| 272 | YES, I KNOW I DID A HORRIBLE THING. |
| 273 | JOANNE, IT'S NOT AS SIMPLE AS ALL THAT, OKAY? |
| 274 | NO, I DON'T CARE WHAT STEVE THINKS. |
| 275 | HI, STEVE. |
| 276 | ( knocking ) |
| 277 | HEY. HEY. |
| 278 | HOW DID WE DO? |
| 279 | OH, I TASTED BEN'S MILK AND ROSS FREAKED OUT. |
| 280 | I DID NOT FREAK OUT. |
| 281 | WHY'D YOU FREAK OUT? BECAUSE IT'S BREAST MILK. |
| 282 | IT-IT... |
| 283 | IT'S GROSS. |
| 284 | MY BREAST MILK IS GROSS? |
| 285 | THIS SHOULD BE FUN. |
| 286 | NO. NO, CAROL. THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH IT. |
| 287 | I JUST DON'T THINK BREAST MILK IS FOR ADULTS. |
| 288 | OF COURSE, THE PACKAGING DOES APPEAL TO GROWNUPS |
| 289 | AND KIDS ALIKE. |
| 290 | ROSS, YOU'RE BEING SILLY. I'VE TRIED IT. |
| 291 | IT'S NO BIG DEAL. COME ON, JUST TASTE IT. |
| 292 | ( phony laughing ) |
| 293 | THAT WOULD BE "NO." |
| 294 | COME ON. COME ON, TRY IT. |
| 295 | IT'S NATURAL. NO. |
| 296 | IT DOESN'T TASTE BAD. |
| 297 | YEAH. IT TASTES KIND OF SWEET-- |
| 298 | SORT OF LIKE, UH... |
| 299 | LIKE WHAT? |
| 300 | CANTALOUPE JUICE. |
| 301 | EXACTLY. |
| 302 | YOU'VE TASTED IT. |
| 303 | YOU'VE-YOU'VE-YOU'VE TASTED IT? |
| 304 | UH-HUH. |
| 305 | OH, YOU'VE TASTED IT. |
| 306 | YOU CAN KEEP SAYING IT, BUT IT WON'T STOP BEING TRUE. |
| 307 | GET ME THE BOTTLE. |
| 308 | GET ME THE TOWEL. |
| 309 | HOWDY. |
| 310 | GET ME A BOX OF JUICE. |
| 311 | WELL, THEY SWITCHED ME OVER TO HOMBRE. |
| 312 | WELL, MAYBE IT'S BECAUSE OF THE WAY |
| 313 | YOU'RE DRESSED. |
| 314 | OR MAYBE IT'S BECAUSE |
| 315 | THIS GUY'S DOING SO GOOD |
| 316 | THEY WANT TO PUT MORE PEOPLE ON IT. |
| 317 | YOU SHOULD SEE THIS GUY, CHANDLER. |
| 318 | HE GOES THROUGH, LIKE, TWO BOTTLES A DAY NOW. |
| 319 | SO WHAT DO YOU CARE? |
| 320 | YOU'RE AN ACTOR. THIS IS YOUR DAY JOB. |
| 321 | THIS ISN'T SUPPOSED TO MEAN ANYTHING TO YOU. |
| 322 | I KNOW, BUT I WAS THE BEST, YOU KNOW? |
| 323 | I LIKED BEING THE BEST. |
| 324 | I DON'T KNOW. MAYBE I SHOULD JUST GET OUT OF THE GAME. |
| 325 | THEY NEED GUYS UP IN HOUSEWARES TO SERVE CHEESE. |
| 326 | ALL RIGHT, SAY YOU DO THAT. SOONER OR LATER, |
| 327 | SOMEBODY'S GOING TO COME ALONG THAT SLICES A BETTER CHEDDAR. |
| 328 | AND THEN WHERE ARE YOU GOING TO RUN? |
| 329 | YEAH,I GUESS YOU'RE RIGHT. YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT I'M RIGHT. |
| 330 | I SAY YOU SHOW THIS GUY WHAT YOU'RE MADE OF. |
| 331 | I SAY YOU STAND YOUR GROUND. |
| 332 | I SAY YOU SHOW HIM THAT YOU ARE |
| 333 | THE BADDEST HOMBRE WEST OF THE LINGERIE. |
| 334 | I'M GOING TO DO IT. |
| 335 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 336 | NOW GO SEE MISS KITTY, AND SHE'LL FIX YOU UP WITH A NICE HOOKER. |
| 337 | I DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO SAY. |
| 338 | WELL, THAT WORKS OUT GOOD |
| 339 | 'CAUSE I'M NOT LISTENING. |
| 340 | I FEEL TERRIBLE. I REALLY DO. |
| 341 | OH, I'M SORRY. DID MY BACK HURT YOUR KNIFE? |
| 342 | RACHEL... |
| 343 | SAY THAT I'M FRIENDS WITH HER. |
| 344 | WE SPEND SOME TIME TOGETHER. |
| 345 | IS THAT SO TERRIBLE? |
| 346 | YES. IT'S THAT TERRIBLE? |
| 347 | YES, MONICA. YOU DON'T GET IT. |
| 348 | IT'S BAD ENOUGH THAT SHE STOLE THE GUY |
| 349 | WHO MIGHT ACTUALLY BE THE PERSON THAT I AM SUPPOSED TO BE WITH |
| 350 | BUT NOW... |
| 351 | SHE'S ACTUALLY... |
| 352 | BUT NOW SHE'S ACTUALLY STEALING YOU. |
| 353 | ME? |
| 354 | WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? |
| 355 | NOBODY COULD STEAL ME FROM YOU. |
| 356 | I MEAN, JUST BECAUSE I'M FRIENDS WITH HER |
| 357 | DOESN'T MAKE ME ANY LESS FRIENDS WITH YOU. |
| 358 | I MEAN... |
| 359 | I MEAN, YOU'RE MY... |
| 360 | WE'RE... |
| 361 | ( both crying ) |
| 362 | OH, I LOVE YOU. |
| 363 | I LOVE YOU TOO. |
| 364 | ( crying ) |
| 365 | YOU GUYS, UM... |
| 366 | I KNOW THAT THIS REALLY DOESN'T HAVE |
| 367 | ANYTHING TO DO WITH ME |
| 368 | BUT, UM... I LOVE YOU GUYS TOO. |
| 369 | OH, I REALLY NEEDED THAT. |
| 370 | LOOK, I KNOW THAT YOU'RE IN A PLACE RIGHT NOW |
| 371 | WHERE YOU REALLY NEED TO HATE JULIE'S GUTS |
| 372 | BUT... SHE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG. |
| 373 | I MEAN, SHE'S JUST A GIRL WHO MET A GUY |
| 374 | AND NOW THEY GO OUT. |
| 375 | AND I REALLY THINK THAT IF YOU GAVE HER A CHANCE |
| 376 | YOU'D LIKE HER. |
| 377 | WILL YOU JUST GIVE THAT A CHANCE? |
| 378 | FOR ME? |
| 379 | I'D DO ANYTHING FOR YOU. YOU KNOW THAT. |
| 380 | I'D DO ANYTHING FOR YOU! |
| 381 | I KNOW. |
| 382 | WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT! |
| 383 | MORNING. |
| 384 | I SAID MORNING. |
| 385 | I HEARD YOU. |
| 386 | ALL RIGHT, EVERYBODY. |
| 387 | I'M OPENING THE DOORS. |
| 388 | YOU BOYS READY? |
| 389 | READY. |
| 390 | YEAH, I'M READY. |
| 391 | ( yelling ) |
| 392 | YOU IDIOT! |
| 393 | YOU STUPID COWBOY! |
| 394 | YOU BLINDED ME! I'M SUING! |
| 395 | OH, MY GOD! TODD! |
| 396 | WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO?! |
| 397 | I'M SORRY. I'M SUCH A DUFUS. |
| 398 | I'M SO SORRY. |
| 399 | I'M SO SORRY. |
| 400 | MY GOD. WHAT HAPPENED? |
| 401 | AH, THESE NEW KIDS, THEY NEVER LAST. |
| 402 | SOONER OR LATER, THEY ALL... |
| 403 | STOP LASTING. |
| 404 | LISTEN, UH... |
| 405 | WHAT DO YOU SAY I BUY YOU THAT CUP OF COFFEE NOW? |
| 406 | SURE. |
| 407 | SO... |
| 408 | SO... |
| 409 | I JUST THOUGHT THE TWO OF US SHOULD HANG OUT FOR A BIT. |
| 410 | YOU KNOW, WE'VE NEVER REALLY TALKED. |
| 411 | I GUESS YOU'D KNOW THAT, BEING ONE OF THE TWO OF US |
| 412 | RIGHT? |
| 413 | NO, I KNOW. |
| 414 | I PROBABLY SHOULDN'T EVEN TELL YOU THIS |
| 415 | BUT I'M PRETTY MUCH |
| 416 | TOTALLY INTIMIDATED BY YOU. |
| 417 | REALLY? ME? |
| 418 | OH, MY GOD. ARE YOU KIDDING? |
| 419 | ROSS IS SO CRAZY ABOUT YOU |
| 420 | AND I REALLY WANTED YOU TO LIKE ME |
| 421 | AND I, UH... |
| 422 | IT'S PROBABLY ME JUST BEING TOTALLY PARANOID |
| 423 | BUT I KIND OF GOT THE FEELING |
| 424 | THAT MAYBE YOU DON'T. |
| 425 | WELL... |
| 426 | YOU'RE NOT TOTALLY PARANOID. |
| 427 | OY. |
| 428 | UM... |
| 429 | OKAY. UM... |
| 430 | OH, GOD. |
| 431 | UM... |
| 432 | WHEN YOU AND ROSS FIRST STARTED GOING OUT |
| 433 | IT WAS REALLY HARD FOR ME, UM... |
| 434 | FOR MANY REASONS |
| 435 | OF WHICH I'M NOT GOING TO BORE YOU WITH NOW |
| 436 | BUT, UM... |
| 437 | I JUST... I SEE HOW HAPPY HE IS, YOU KNOW |
| 438 | AND HOW GOOD YOU GUYS ARE TOGETHER |
| 439 | AND, UM... |
| 440 | MONICA'S ALWAYS SAYING HOW NICE YOU ARE |
| 441 | AND GOD, I HATE IT WHEN SHE'S RIGHT. |
| 442 | THANKS. |
| 443 | YEAH. |
| 444 | HEY, LISTEN... |
| 445 | WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO TO A MOVIE SOMETIME OR SOMETHING? |
| 446 | YEAH. THAT WOULD BE GREAT. |
| 447 | YEAH? I'D LOVE IT. |
| 448 | I'D LOVE IT TOO. |
| 449 | OKAY. |
| 450 | OH, SHOOT. I GOT TO GO. OKAY. |
| 451 | SO I'LL TALK TO YOU LATER, OKAY? |
| 452 | ALL RIGHT, JULIE. |
| 453 | BYE. BYE. |
| 454 | WHAT A MANIPULATIVE BITCH. |
| 455 | ( sighs ) |
| 456 | NOT BAD. |
| 457 | |
| 1 | HEY. |
| 2 | HEY. |
| 3 | SO HOW WAS JOAN? |
| 4 | BROKE UP WITH HER. |
| 5 | OH... WHY? |
| 6 | DON'T TELL ME. |
| 7 | BECAUSE OF THE BIG-NOSTRIL THING? |
| 8 | THEY WERE HUGE. |
| 9 | WHEN SHE SNEEZED, BATS FLEW OUT OF THEM. |
| 10 | OH, COME ON. |
| 11 | THEY WERE NOT THAT HUGE. |
| 12 | I'M TELLING YOU. |
| 13 | SHE LEANED BACK. |
| 14 | I COULD SEE HER BRAIN. |
| 15 | HOW MANY PERFECTLY FINE WOMEN |
| 16 | ARE YOU GOING TO REJECT |
| 17 | OVER THE MOST SUPERFICIAL, INSIGNIFICANT THINGS? |
| 18 | HOLD IT, HOLD IT. |
| 19 | I GOT TO SIDE WITH CHANDLER ON THIS ONE. |
| 20 | WHEN I FIRST MOVED TO THE CITY |
| 21 | I WENT OUT A COUPLE TIMES WITH THIS GIRL-- |
| 22 | REALLY HOT, GREAT KISSER |
| 23 | BUT SHE HAD THE BIGGEST ADAM'S APPLE. |
| 24 | EWW! |
| 25 | DROVE ME NUTS. |
| 26 | YOU OR ME. |
| 27 | I GOT IT. |
| 28 | UH, JOEY, WOMEN DON'T HAVE ADAM'S APPLES. |
| 29 | ( laughing ) |
| 30 | YOU GUYS ARE MESSING WITH ME, RIGHT? |
| 31 | YEAH. |
| 32 | YEAH. WE ARE. |
| 33 | THAT WAS A GOOD ONE. |
| 34 | FOR A SECOND THERE, I WAS LIKE, WHOA. |
| 35 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 36 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE ♪ |
| 37 | ♪ YOU'RE BROKE, YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 38 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 39 | ♪ AND IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY, YOUR WEEK ♪ |
| 40 | ♪ YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 41 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 42 | ♪ WHEN THE RAIN STARTS TO FALL ♪ |
| 43 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 44 | ♪ LIKE I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE ♪ |
| 45 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 46 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME TOO. ♪ |
| 47 | SO, YOU NAME ONE WOMAN |
| 48 | THAT YOU BROKE UP WITH FOR AN ACTUAL REAL REASON. |
| 49 | MAUREEN ROSILLO. |
| 50 | 'CAUSE SHE DOESN'T HATE YANNI IS NOT A REAL REASON. |
| 51 | ( knocking ) |
| 52 | OH... |
| 53 | HELLO, MR. HECKLES. |
| 54 | YOU'RE DOING IT AGAIN. |
| 55 | WE'RE NOT DOING ANYTHING. |
| 56 | YOU'RE STOMPING. |
| 57 | IT'S DISTURBING MY BIRDS. |
| 58 | YOU DON'T HAVE BIRDS. |
| 59 | I COULD HAVE BIRDS. |
| 60 | OKAY, MR. HECKLES, WE'LL TRY TO KEEP IT DOWN. |
| 61 | THANK YOU. |
| 62 | I'M GOING TO REJOIN MY DINNER PARTY. |
| 63 | ALL RIGHT. BYE-BYE. |
| 64 | Chandler: OKAY, JANICE. |
| 65 | JANICE. YOU GOT TO GIVE ME JANICE. |
| 66 | THAT WASN'T ABOUT BEING PICKY. |
| 67 | WE'LL GIVE YOU JANICE. |
| 68 | I MISS JANICE, THOUGH. |
| 69 | ( nasal voice ): HELLO, CHANDLER BING. |
| 70 | OH... MY... GOD. |
| 71 | ( nasal voice ): OH, CHANDLER... |
| 72 | NOW... NOW... |
| 73 | THAT'S IT. |
| 74 | THERE. FASTER. |
| 75 | ( laughing ) |
| 76 | ( knocking ) |
| 77 | STOP WITH THE BROOM! |
| 78 | WE'RE NOT MAKING NOISE! |
| 79 | ( knocking ) |
| 80 | ( knocking ) |
| 81 | WE WON. |
| 82 | WE DID? |
| 83 | ( cheering ) |
| 84 | ( all groaning ) |
| 85 | MR. HECKLES... |
| 86 | HOW DID THIS HAPPEN? |
| 87 | HE MUST HAVE BEEN SWEEPING. |
| 88 | THEY FOUND A BROOM IN HIS HAND. |
| 89 | THAT'S TERRIBLE. |
| 90 | I KNOW. |
| 91 | I WAS SWEEPING YESTERDAY. |
| 92 | IT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. |
| 93 | Ross: YEAH, YEAH, YEAH. |
| 94 | Joey: SURE, SURE. |
| 95 | SWEEPING-- YOU NEVER KNOW. |
| 96 | NEVER KNOW. |
| 97 | IT'S VERY FAINT |
| 98 | BUT I CAN STILL SENSE HIM IN THE BUILDING. |
| 99 | GO INTO THE LIGHT, MR. HECKLES! |
| 100 | OKAY, PHOEBE. |
| 101 | I'M SORRY, BUT SOMETIMES THEY NEED HELP. |
| 102 | HERE WE GO. |
| 103 | THAT'S FINE. GO AHEAD AND SCOFF. |
| 104 | YOU KNOW, THERE ARE A LOT OF THINGS OUT THERE |
| 105 | THAT I DON'T BELIEVE IN |
| 106 | BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN THEY'RE NOT TRUE. |
| 107 | SUCH AS? |
| 108 | LIKE CROP CIRCLES OR THE BERMUDA TRIANGLE |
| 109 | OR EVOLUTION. |
| 110 | WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. |
| 111 | WHAT, YOU DON'T, UH... YOU DON'T BELIEVE IN EVOLUTION? |
| 112 | NO. NOT REALLY. |
| 113 | YOU DON'T BELIEVE IN EVOLUTION? |
| 114 | I DON'T KNOW. |
| 115 | IT'S JUST, YOU KNOW-- MONKEYS, DARWIN-- |
| 116 | YOU KNOW, IT'S A NICE STORY. |
| 117 | I JUST THINK IT'S A LITTLE TOO EASY. |
| 118 | TOO EASY? TOO..? |
| 119 | THE PROCESS OF EVERY LIVING THING ON THIS PLANET |
| 120 | EVOLVING OVER MILLIONS OF YEARS |
| 121 | FROM SINGLE-CELLED ORGANISMS IS, IS TOO EASY? |
| 122 | YEAH. I JUST DON'T BUY IT. |
| 123 | UH, EXCUSE ME. |
| 124 | EVOLUTION IS NOT FOR YOU TO BUY, PHOEBE. |
| 125 | EVOLUTION IS SCIENTIFIC FACT |
| 126 | LIKE, LIKE, LIKE THE AIR WE BREATHE, LIKE GRAVITY. |
| 127 | OH. OKAY, DON'T GET ME STARTED ON GRAVITY. |
| 128 | YOU, UH..? YOU DON'T BELIEVE IN GRAVITY? |
| 129 | WELL, IT'S NOT SO MUCH |
| 130 | THAT, YOU KNOW, LIKE I DON'T BELIEVE IN IT. |
| 131 | YOU KNOW, IT'S JUST... |
| 132 | I DON'T KNOW, LATELY I GET THE FEELING |
| 133 | THAT I'M NOT SO MUCH BEING PULLED DOWN |
| 134 | AS I AM BEING PUSHED. |
| 135 | ( knocking ) |
| 136 | UH-OH. IT'S ISAAC NEWTON AND HE'S PISSED. |
| 137 | OH, THERE SHE IS, RIGHT OVER THERE. |
| 138 | THAT'S THE OTHER ONE. |
| 139 | THIS IS MR. BUDDY BOYLE-- |
| 140 | HECKLES' ATTORNEY. |
| 141 | HE'D LIKE TO TALK TO YOU. |
| 142 | WHAT CAN WE DO FOR YOU? |
| 143 | ALL RIGHT, KIDS. |
| 144 | HERE'S THE DEAL-- |
| 145 | ACCORDING TO MY CLIENT'S WILL |
| 146 | HE WANTS TO LEAVE ALL HIS EARTHLY POSSESSIONS |
| 147 | TO THE, UH, "NOISY GIRLS IN THE APARTMENT ABOVE MINE." |
| 148 | WHAT? |
| 149 | WELL, WHAT ABOUT HIS FAMILY? |
| 150 | HE DIDN'T HAVE ANY. |
| 151 | Joey: WHOA. |
| 152 | OH... OKAY, SO LET'S TALK MONEY. |
| 153 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 154 | THERE WAS NONE. |
| 155 | NOW, LET'S TALK SIGNING. |
| 156 | YOU BE NOISY GIRL NUMBER ONE. |
| 157 | YOU BE NOISY GIRL NUMBER TWO. |
| 158 | I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT THIS WHOLE TIME WE THOUGHT HE HATED US. |
| 159 | I MEAN, ISN'T IT AMAZING |
| 160 | HOW MUCH YOU CAN TOUCH SOMEONE'S LIFE |
| 161 | WITHOUT EVEN KNOWING IT? |
| 162 | WOULD YOU LOOK AT THIS DUMP? |
| 163 | HE HATED US. |
| 164 | THIS WAS HIS FINAL REVENGE. |
| 165 | GOD, HAVE YOU EVER SEEN SO MUCH CRAP? |
| 166 | ACTUALLY, I THINK THIS APARTMENT SULLIES THE GOOD NAME OF CRAP. |
| 167 | CHECK THIS OUT. |
| 168 | CAN I HAVE THIS? |
| 169 | HOW CAN YOU NOT BELIEVE IN EVOLUTION? |
| 170 | I DON'T KNOW. JUST DON'T. |
| 171 | LOOK AT THIS FUNKY SHIRT. |
| 172 | LOOK, PHEEBS, I'VE STUDIED EVOLUTION |
| 173 | MY ENTIRE ADULT LIFE, OKAY, AND I CAN TELL YOU |
| 174 | WE HAVE COLLECTED FOSSILS FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD |
| 175 | THAT ACTUALLY SHOW |
| 176 | THE EVOLUTION OF DIFFERENT SPECIES, OKAY? |
| 177 | I MEAN, YOU CAN LITERALLY SEE THEM EVOLVING THROUGH TIME. |
| 178 | REALLY? |
| 179 | YOU CAN ACTUALLY SEE IT? |
| 180 | YOU BET. |
| 181 | IN... UH, IN THE U.S., CHINA, AFRICA, ALL OVER. |
| 182 | SEE, I DIDN'T KNOW THAT. |
| 183 | WELL, THERE YOU GO. |
| 184 | HUH. |
| 185 | SO NOW, THE REAL QUESTION IS |
| 186 | WHO PUT THOSE FOSSILS THERE, AND WHY? |
| 187 | HEY, LOOK AT THIS. |
| 188 | "MY BIG BOOK OF GRIEVANCES." |
| 189 | HEY, THERE'S ME. |
| 190 | "APRIL 17-- EXCESSIVE NOISE. |
| 191 | ITALIAN GUY COMES HOME WITH A DATE." |
| 192 | YEAH. HEY, CHANDLER, LOOK, YOU'RE IN HERE TOO. |
| 193 | "APRIL 18-- EXCESSIVE NOISE. |
| 194 | ITALIAN GUY'S GAY ROOMMATE BRINGS HOME DRY CLEANING." |
| 195 | WELL, THAT'S EXCELLENT. |
| 196 | MONICA... MONICA, LOOK AT THIS LAMP. |
| 197 | IS THIS TACKY OR WHAT? |
| 198 | WE HAVE TO HAVE THIS. |
| 199 | UH, RACH, I THINK WE HAVE ENOUGH REGULAR LAMPS. |
| 200 | WHAT? OH, COME ON. |
| 201 | IT'S NOT LIKE I'M ASKING |
| 202 | FOR THIS GIRLIE CLOCK OR ANYTHING, WHICH, BY THE WAY |
| 203 | I ALSO THINK IS REALLY COOL. |
| 204 | LOOK, IT DOESN'T GO WITH ANY OF MY STUFF. |
| 205 | WELL, WHAT ABOUT MY STUFF? |
| 206 | YOU DON'T HAVE ANY STUFF. |
| 207 | YOU STILL THINK OF IT AS YOUR APARTMENT, DON'T YOU? |
| 208 | MM... NO. |
| 209 | YES, YOU DO. |
| 210 | YOU THINK OF IT AS YOUR APARTMENT |
| 211 | AND I'M JUST SOMEONE WHO RENTS A ROOM. |
| 212 | MM... |
| 213 | OKAY, WHILE YOU |
| 214 | "MM..." ON THAT FOR A WHILE |
| 215 | I'M GOING TO GO FIND A PLACE |
| 216 | FOR MY NEW LAMP. |
| 217 | MM... MM, MM, MM! |
| 218 | OKAY, PHEEBS |
| 219 | SEE HOW I'M MAKING THESE LITTLE TOYS MOVE? |
| 220 | OPPOSABLE THUMBS. |
| 221 | WITHOUT EVOLUTION, HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN |
| 222 | OPPOSABLE THUMBS? |
| 223 | MAYBE THE OVERLORDS NEEDED THEM |
| 224 | TO STEER THEIR SPACECRAFTS. |
| 225 | PLEASE TELL ME YOU'RE JOKING. |
| 226 | LOOK, CAN'T WE JUST SAY |
| 227 | THAT YOU BELIEVE IN SOMETHING AND I DON'T? |
| 228 | NO, NO. |
| 229 | NO, PHEEBS, WE CAN'T. |
| 230 | WHY NOT? |
| 231 | WHAT IS THIS OBSESSIVE NEED YOU HAVE |
| 232 | TO MAKE EVERYBODY |
| 233 | AGREE WITH YOU? |
| 234 | NO, WHAT'S THAT ALL ABOUT? |
| 235 | YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK? |
| 236 | I THINK MAYBE IT'S TIME |
| 237 | YOU PUT ROSS UNDER THE MICROSCOPE. |
| 238 | IS THERE BLOOD COMING OUT OF MY EARS? |
| 239 | CHECK IT OUT. CHECK IT OUT. |
| 240 | HECKLES' HIGH SCHOOL YEARBOOK. |
| 241 | LOOK. |
| 242 | WOW, HE LOOKS SO NORMAL. |
| 243 | HE'S EVEN KIND OF CUTE. |
| 244 | "HECKLES, YOU CRACK ME UP IN SCIENCE CLASS. |
| 245 | YOU'RE THE FUNNIEST KID IN SCHOOL." |
| 246 | FUNNIEST? HECKLES? |
| 247 | THAT'S WHAT IT SAYS. |
| 248 | WOW, HECKLES WAS VOTED CLASS CLOWN, AND SO WAS I. |
| 249 | ( thumping ) |
| 250 | HE WAS RIGHT. |
| 251 | WOULD YOU LISTEN TO THAT? |
| 252 | I'D CALL THAT EXCESSIVE. |
| 253 | WHOA. |
| 254 | WHAT? |
| 255 | HECKLES PLAYED CLARINET IN BAND, AND I PLAYED CLARINET. |
| 256 | AND HE WAS IN |
| 257 | THE SCALE MODELERS CLUB |
| 258 | AND I WAS... WELL, THERE WAS NO CLUB |
| 259 | BUT I SURE THOUGHT THEY WERE COOL. |
| 260 | SO, YOU WERE BOTH DORKS. |
| 261 | BIG DEAL. |
| 262 | I JUST THINK IT'S WEIRD-- HECKLES AND ME... |
| 263 | ( thumping ) |
| 264 | HECKLES AND ME, ME... |
| 265 | ( thumping ) |
| 266 | ME AND HECKLES... |
| 267 | HEY, WOULD YOU KNOCK IT OFF! |
| 268 | ( yells ) |
| 269 | HAVE YOU BEEN HERE ALL NIGHT? |
| 270 | LOOK AT THIS. |
| 271 | PICTURES OF ALL THE WOMEN |
| 272 | THAT HECKLES WENT OUT WITH. |
| 273 | LOOK WHAT HE WROTE ON THEM. |
| 274 | "VIVIAN, TOO TALL." |
| 275 | "MADGE, BIG GUMS." |
| 276 | "TOO LOUD." |
| 277 | "TOO SMART." |
| 278 | "MAKES NOISE WHEN SHE EATS." |
| 279 | THIS IS... THIS IS ME. |
| 280 | THIS IS WHAT I DO. |
| 281 | I'M GOING TO END UP ALONE JUST LIKE HE DID. |
| 282 | CHANDLER, HECKLES WAS A NUT CASE. |
| 283 | OUR TRAINS ARE ON THE SAME TRACK, OKAY? |
| 284 | YEAH, SURE, I'M COMING UP 30 YEARS BEHIND HIM |
| 285 | BUT THE STOPS ARE ALL THE SAME: |
| 286 | BITTERTOWN, ALONEVILLE, HERMIT JUNCTION. |
| 287 | YOU KNOW WHAT WE GOT TO DO? |
| 288 | WE GOT TO GET YOU OUT OF HERE. |
| 289 | I'LL BUY YOU BREAKFAST. LET'S GO. |
| 290 | WHAT IF I NEVER FIND SOMEBODY? |
| 291 | OR WORSE, I ALREADY FOUND HER |
| 292 | BUT I DUMPED HER BECAUSE SHE PRONOUNCES IT "SUPPOSEBLY"? |
| 293 | CHANDLER, COME ON. |
| 294 | YOU'RE GOING TO FIND SOMEBODY. |
| 295 | HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT? |
| 296 | I DON'T KNOW. |
| 297 | I'M JUST TRYING TO HELP YOU OUT. |
| 298 | YOU GUYS ARE ALL GOING TO GO OFF AND GET MARRIED |
| 299 | AND I'M GOING TO END UP ALONE. |
| 300 | WILL YOU PROMISE ME SOMETHING? |
| 301 | WHEN YOU'RE MARRIED, INVITE ME OVER FOR HOLIDAYS. |
| 302 | WELL, I MEAN, I DON'T KNOW WHAT WE'RE GOING TO BE DOING. |
| 303 | I MEAN, WHAT IF WE'RE OVER AT HER FOLKS' PLACE? |
| 304 | YEAH, I UNDERSTAND. |
| 305 | YOU CAN COME OVER AND WATCH THE SUPER BOWL. |
| 306 | EVERY YEAR. ALL RIGHT? |
| 307 | YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 308 | I'M NOT GOING TO END UP LIKE THIS. |
| 309 | I'LL SEE YOU, MAN. |
| 310 | GEEZ. |
| 311 | SUPPOSEBLY... |
| 312 | SUPPOSEBLY. |
| 313 | "DID THEY GO TO THE ZOO?" |
| 314 | "SUPPOSEBLY." |
| 315 | HI. IT'S ME. |
| 316 | OH... MY... GOD. |
| 317 | JANICE? YOU CALLED JANICE? |
| 318 | YES, JANICE. WHY IS THAT |
| 319 | SO DIFFICULT FOR YOU TO COMPREHEND? |
| 320 | YOU REMEMBER JANICE, RIGHT? |
| 321 | YES. |
| 322 | SHE WAS SMART, SHE WAS PRETTY AND SHE HONESTLY CARED ABOUT ME. |
| 323 | JANICE IS MY LAST CHANCE TO HAVE SOMEBODY. |
| 324 | HELLO! |
| 325 | OH... MY... GOD. |
| 326 | GEEZ, LOOK HOW FAT SHE GOT. |
| 327 | HEY, IT'S EVERYBODY. |
| 328 | All: HI, JANICE. |
| 329 | JANICE, YOU'RE... |
| 330 | YES, I AM. |
| 331 | IS IT..? |
| 332 | IS IT YOURS? |
| 333 | HAH! YOU WISH, CHANDLER BING. |
| 334 | YOU ARE LOOKING AT A MARRIED LADY NOW. |
| 335 | ( with polite indifference ): OH. YEAH. |
| 336 | CONGRATULATIONS. |
| 337 | OH, SWEETIE. I'M SORRY. |
| 338 | YOU COULDN'T HAVE TOLD ME OVER THE PHONE? |
| 339 | AND WHAT? |
| 340 | MISS THE EXPRESSION ON YOUR FACE? OH, NO. |
| 341 | JANICE LIKES TO HAVE HER FUN. |
| 342 | ( braying laugh ) |
| 343 | HEY, RACH, YOU KNOW WHAT WE HAVEN'T PLAYED IN A WHILE? |
| 344 | WHAT? |
| 345 | HIDE THE LAMP. |
| 346 | OKAY. MONICA, LET IT GO. |
| 347 | DID YOU KNOW I WAS ALLERGIC TO SHELLFISH? |
| 348 | WELL, THEN, YOU'LL JUST HAVE TO EAT |
| 349 | THE OTHER LAMPS. |
| 350 | UH-OH. IT'S SCARY SCIENTIST MAN. |
| 351 | OKAY, PHOEBE, THIS IS IT. |
| 352 | IN THIS BRIEFCASE |
| 353 | I CARRY ACTUAL SCIENTIFIC FACTS... |
| 354 | A BRIEFCASE OF FACTS, IF YOU WILL. |
| 355 | SOME OF THESE FOSSILS ARE OVER 200 MILLION YEARS OLD. |
| 356 | LOOK, BEFORE YOU EVEN START, I'M NOT DENYING EVOLUTION. |
| 357 | I'M JUST SAYING THAT IT'S ONE OF THE POSSIBILITIES. |
| 358 | IT'S THE ONLY POSSIBILITY, PHOEBE. |
| 359 | ROSS, COULD YOU JUST OPEN YOUR MIND LIKE, THIS MUCH? |
| 360 | NOW, WASN'T THERE A TIME |
| 361 | WHEN THE BRIGHTEST MINDS IN THE WORLD |
| 362 | BELIEVED THAT THE EARTH WAS FLAT? |
| 363 | AND UP UNTIL, LIKE 50 YEARS AGO |
| 364 | YOU ALL THOUGHT THE ATOM WAS THE SMALLEST THING |
| 365 | UNTIL YOU SPLIT IT OPEN |
| 366 | AND THIS LIKE, WHOLE MESS OF CRAP CAME OUT. |
| 367 | NOW, ARE YOU TELLING ME |
| 368 | THAT YOU ARE SO UNBELIEVABLY ARROGANT |
| 369 | THAT YOU CAN'T ADMIT |
| 370 | THAT THERE'S A TEENY, TINY POSSIBILITY |
| 371 | THAT YOU COULD BE WRONG ABOUT THIS? |
| 372 | THERE MIGHT BE... |
| 373 | A TEENY... |
| 374 | TINY... |
| 375 | POSSIBILITY. |
| 376 | I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU CAVED. |
| 377 | WHAT? |
| 378 | YOU JUST ABANDONED YOUR WHOLE BELIEF SYSTEM. |
| 379 | BEFORE I DIDN'T AGREE WITH YOU, BUT AT LEAST I RESPECTED YOU. |
| 380 | BUT... |
| 381 | HOW WILL YOU GO INTO WORK TOMORROW? |
| 382 | HOW..? |
| 383 | HOW WILL YOU FACE THE OTHER SCIENCE GUYS? |
| 384 | HOW WILL YOU FACE YOURSELF? |
| 385 | OH! |
| 386 | THAT WAS FUN. |
| 387 | SO WHO'S HUNGRY? |
| 388 | I AM. |
| 389 | ME TOO. LET ME JUST GET MY COAT. |
| 390 | OH! |
| 391 | OKAY, ALL RIGHT. |
| 392 | IT WAS AN ACCIDENT, I SWEAR. ALL RIGHT? |
| 393 | I WAS PUTTING ON MY JACKET AND THE THING... |
| 394 | AND THE LAMP AND IT BROKE. |
| 395 | OH, PLEASE, MONICA. |
| 396 | YOU'VE ALWAYS HATED MY LAMP. |
| 397 | AND NOW, ALL OF A SUDDEN |
| 398 | IT'S JUST, MAGICALLY, IT'S JUST BROKEN? |
| 399 | PHOEBE, TELL HER. |
| 400 | I DIDN'T SEE IT 'CAUSE I WAS PUTTING ON MY JACKET |
| 401 | BUT, UM, I WANT TO BELIEVE YOU. |
| 402 | HEY, CHANDLER. |
| 403 | MONICA JUST BROKE MY SEASHELL LAMP. |
| 404 | NEAT. I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE. |
| 405 | OKAY, YOU WIN. |
| 406 | CHANDLER, YOU ARE NOT GOING TO DIE ALONE. |
| 407 | JANICE WAS MY SAFETY NET, OKAY? |
| 408 | AND NOW I HAVE TO GET A SNAKE. |
| 409 | UH-HUH. WHY IS THAT? |
| 410 | IF I'M GOING TO BE AN OLD, LONELY MAN, I'M GOING TO NEED |
| 411 | A THING, YOU KNOW? A HOOK. |
| 412 | LIKE THAT GUY IN THE SUBWAY WHO EATS HIS OWN FACE. |
| 413 | SO I FIGURE |
| 414 | I'LL BE CRAZY MAN WITH A SNAKE, YOU KNOW? |
| 415 | CRAZY SNAKE MAN. |
| 416 | THEN I'LL GET MORE SNAKES, CALL THEM MY BABIES. |
| 417 | KIDS WON'T WALK PAST MY PLACE, THEY WILL RUN. |
| 418 | "RUN AWAY FROM CRAZY SNAKE MAN!" |
| 419 | THEY'LL SHOUT. |
| 420 | YOU'VE GOT TO GET OVER THIS, OKAY? |
| 421 | YOU'RE NOT GOING TO END UP ALONE. |
| 422 | OF COURSE I AM. |
| 423 | I REJECT ANYONE WHO'S CRAZY ENOUGH |
| 424 | TO ACTUALLY GO OUT WITH ME |
| 425 | AND THEN I BITCH ABOUT THE FACT |
| 426 | THAT THERE AREN'T ANY GREAT WOMEN OUT THERE. |
| 427 | CHANDLER, YOU HAVE JUST DESCRIBED |
| 428 | VIRTUALLY EVERY MAN THAT WE HAVE EVER GONE OUT WITH. |
| 429 | YEAH. |
| 430 | YOU ARE NOT A FREAK. |
| 431 | YOU'RE A GUY. |
| 432 | Rachel: SHE'S RIGHT, SHE'S RIGHT. |
| 433 | YOU ARE NO DIFFERENT THAN THE REST OF THEM. |
| 434 | WAIT A MINUTE. YES, HE IS. |
| 435 | YEAH. YOU ARE TOTALLY DIFFERENT. |
| 436 | IN A BAD WAY? |
| 437 | NO, HONEY, IN A WONDERFUL WAY. |
| 438 | YOU KNOW WHAT YOU WANT NOW. |
| 439 | MOST GUYS DON'T HAVE A CLUE. |
| 440 | YOU ARE READY TO TAKE RISKS, TO BE VULNERABLE |
| 441 | AND INTIMATE WITH SOMEONE. |
| 442 | YOU'RE NOT GOING TO END UP ALONE. |
| 443 | CHANDLER, YOU CALLED JANICE. |
| 444 | THAT'S HOW MUCH YOU WANTED TO BE |
| 445 | WITH SOMEONE. |
| 446 | YOU'VE MADE IT. |
| 447 | YOU'RE THERE. |
| 448 | YOU ARE READY TO MAKE A COMMITMENT. |
| 449 | WHOA! DON'T KNOW ABOUT THAT. |
| 450 | OH, WHAT YOU GOT THERE? |
| 451 | SOMETHING ELSE THAT'S NOT YOURS THAT YOU CAN BREAK? |
| 452 | NO. UM... |
| 453 | I KNOW YOU LIKE THIS, AND I WANT YOU TO HAVE IT. |
| 454 | I THINK IT WOULD LOOK GOOD IN OUR APARTMENT. |
| 455 | THANK YOU. |
| 456 | ( whistled catcalls ) |
| 457 | THAT'S FINE. |
| 458 | HEY! WELL, YOU WILL ALL BE PLEASED TO KNOW |
| 459 | THAT I HAVE A DATE TOMORROW NIGHT. |
| 460 | THIS WOMAN ALISON FROM WORK-- |
| 461 | SHE IS GREAT. |
| 462 | SHE'S PRETTY, SHE'S SMART, AND UH... |
| 463 | I'VE BEEN HOLDING OFF ASKING HER OUT IN THE PAST |
| 464 | BECAUSE SHE HAS A, UH... |
| 465 | UNUSUALLY LARGE HEAD |
| 466 | BUT I'M NOT GOING |
| 467 | TO LET THAT STUFF HANG ME UP ANYMORE. |
| 468 | LOOK AT ME. I'M GROWING. |
| 469 | HEY, YOU CAN'T RECYCLE YEARBOOKS, CAN YOU? |
| 470 | I'LL TAKE THAT. |
| 471 | YOU WANT HIS YEARBOOK? |
| 472 | YEAH, YEAH. |
| 473 | SOME PEOPLE SAID SOME NICE THINGS ABOUT HIM. |
| 474 | SOMEBODY SHOULD HAVE IT. |
| 475 | GOSH, THIS IS SO WEIRD. |
| 476 | I MEAN, HIS WHOLE LIFE WAS IN THIS APARTMENT |
| 477 | AND NOW IT'S GONE. |
| 478 | YOU KNOW, I THINK |
| 479 | IT WOULD BE NICE IF WE JUST TOOK A FEW MOMENTS |
| 480 | FOR MR. HECKLES. |
| 481 | I MEAN, HE WAS KIND OF A PAIN, HE WAS |
| 482 | BUT HE WAS A PERSON. |
| 483 | Monica: WHAT? |
| 484 | YOU'RE ALL GOING TO HELL. |
| 485 | OH, IT'S REALLY NOT THAT BIG. |
| 486 | TAKING THAT WITH YOU, HUH? |
| 487 | OH, YEAH. |
| 488 | HEY, YOU COMING? |
| 489 | YEAH. IN A SECOND. |
| 490 | GOOD-BYE, MR. HECKLES. |
| 491 | WE'LL TRY TO KEEP IT DOWN. |
| 492 | MY MAJOR WAS USELESS. |
| 493 | HOW OFTEN DO THE CLASSIFIEDS LIST "PHILOSOPHER WANTED"? |
| 494 | MY GOD, THAT'S A BIG HEAD. |
| 495 | IT DIDN'T LOOK THIS BIG IN THE OFFICE. |
| 496 | MAYBE IT'S THE LIGHTING. |
| 497 | MY HEAD MUST LOOK LIKE A GOLF BALL AT WORK. |
| 498 | ALL RIGHT. DON'T GET HUNG UP ON IT. |
| 499 | QUICK, QUICK. |
| 500 | LIST FIVE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT HER. |
| 501 | NICE SMILE, GOOD DRESSER |
| 502 | BIG HEAD, BIG HEAD, BIG HEAD. |
| 503 | [Captioned by The Caption Center WGBH Educational Foundation] |
| 504 | |
| 1 | MOM, WOULD YOU RELAX? |
| 2 | THAT WAS TEN BLOCKS FROM HERE |
| 3 | AND THE WOMAN WAS WALKING ALONE AT NIGHT. |
| 4 | I WOULD NEVER DO THAT. |
| 5 | MOM, COME ON, STOP WORRYING. |
| 6 | THIS IS A SAFE STREET. |
| 7 | THIS IS A SAFE BUILDING. |
| 8 | THERE'S NOTHING... OH, MY GOD! |
| 9 | MY GOD! WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN HERE?! |
| 10 | MOM, I GOT TO GO, I GOT TO GO! |
| 11 | ( yelps ) |
| 12 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 13 | OKAY. |
| 14 | THAT'S FINE. |
| 15 | YOU JUST READ THE PAPER. |
| 16 | I'M GOING TO GET A POT. |
| 17 | IT'S NOT FOR YOU. |
| 18 | OKAY, THAT'S FINE. |
| 19 | READ "THE FAMILY CIRCUS." |
| 20 | ENJOY THE GENTLE COMEDY. |
| 21 | ( squealing ) |
| 22 | OH, MY GOD. OH, MY GOD. |
| 23 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 24 | OH, MY GOD. OH, MY GOD. |
| 25 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 26 | ( squealing ) |
| 27 | OH, MY GOD... OH, GOD... OH... OH... |
| 28 | ( doorbell ringing ) |
| 29 | IT'S OPEN, YOU GUYS. |
| 30 | HI. |
| 31 | HI. HEY, CAN I HELP YOU? |
| 32 | DOES PHOEBE STILL LIVE HERE? |
| 33 | UH, NO, BUT I CAN GET A MESSAGE TO HER. |
| 34 | GREAT. JUST TELL HER HER HUSBAND STOPPED BY. |
| 35 | HER WHAT? |
| 36 | HEY, HOW..? HOW DID YOU DO THAT? |
| 37 | UH... |
| 38 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 39 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 40 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 41 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 42 | ♪ AND IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY, YOUR WEEK ♪ |
| 43 | ♪ YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 44 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 45 | ♪ WHEN THE RAIN STARTS TO FALL ♪ |
| 46 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 47 | ♪ LIKE I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE ♪ |
| 48 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 49 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME TOO. ♪ |
| 50 | THIS IS UNBELIEVABLE, PHOEBS. |
| 51 | HOW CAN YOU BE MARRIED? |
| 52 | WELL, I'M NOT MARRIED MARRIED. |
| 53 | HE WAS JUST A FRIEND, AND HE'S GAY |
| 54 | AND HE WAS FROM CANADA, AND HE JUST NEEDED A GREEN CARD. |
| 55 | I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU MARRIED DUNCAN. |
| 56 | HOW COULD YOU NOT TELL ME? |
| 57 | WE LIVED TOGETHER. |
| 58 | WE TOLD EACH OTHER EVERYTHING. |
| 59 | I'M SORRY, MONICA, BUT I KNEW IF I TOLD YOU |
| 60 | YOU'D GET REALLY JUDGMENTAL AND YOU WOULD NOT APPROVE. |
| 61 | OF COURSE, I WOULDN'T APPROVE. |
| 62 | I MEAN, YOU WERE TOTALLY IN LOVE |
| 63 | WITH THIS GUY WHO-- HELLO-- WAS GAY. |
| 64 | WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING? |
| 65 | SEE, AND YOU THOUGHT SHE'D BE JUDGMENTAL. |
| 66 | OKAY, I WASN'T "IN LOVE" |
| 67 | WITH HIM, AND I WAS JUST HELPING OUT A FRIEND. |
| 68 | PLEASE. |
| 69 | WHEN HE LEFT TOWN, YOU STAYED IN YOUR PAJAMAS FOR A MONTH |
| 70 | AND I SAW YOU EAT A CHEESEBURGER. |
| 71 | ( gasping ) ( gasping ) |
| 72 | WELL, DIDN'T YOU? |
| 73 | I MIGHT HAVE. |
| 74 | I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DIDN'T TELL ME. |
| 75 | COME ON. LIKE YOU TELL ME EVERYTHING? |
| 76 | WHAT HAVE I NOT TOLD YOU? |
| 77 | OH, I DON'T KNOW. |
| 78 | UM, HOW ABOUT THE FACT |
| 79 | THAT THE UNDERWEAR OUT ON THE TELEPHONE POLE IS YOURS |
| 80 | FROM WHEN YOU WERE HAVING SEX WITH FUN BOBBY |
| 81 | OUT ON THE TERRACE. |
| 82 | WHAT?! |
| 83 | WAIT A MINUTE... WHO TOLD YOU? |
| 84 | YOU ARE DEAD MEAT. |
| 85 | I DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS A BIG SECRET. |
| 86 | OH, IT'S NOT BIG, NOT AT ALL. |
| 87 | YOU KNOW, KIND OF ON THE SAME LINES AS, SAY |
| 88 | I DON'T KNOW, HAVING A THIRD NIPPLE! |
| 89 | ( gasping ) |
| 90 | YOU HAVE A THIRD NIPPLE? |
| 91 | YOU BITCH. |
| 92 | WHIP IT OUT. WHIP IT OUT. |
| 93 | YEAH, YEAH, YEAH. |
| 94 | COME ON. |
| 95 | THERE'S NOTHING TO SEE. |
| 96 | IT'S TOTALLY USELESS. |
| 97 | OH, AS OPPOSED TO YOUR OTHER |
| 98 | MULTIFUNCTIONAL NIPPLES. |
| 99 | I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU. |
| 100 | YOU TOLD ME IT WAS A NUBBIN. |
| 101 | JOEY, WHAT DID YOU THINK A NUBBIN WAS? |
| 102 | I DON'T KNOW. |
| 103 | YOU SEE SOMETHING. |
| 104 | YOU HEAR A WORD. |
| 105 | I THOUGHT THAT'S WHAT IT WAS. |
| 106 | LET ME SEE IT AGAIN. |
| 107 | YEAH, SHOW IT TO US. |
| 108 | ( clamoring ) |
| 109 | JOEY WAS IN A PORNO MOVIE. |
| 110 | ( gasping ) |
| 111 | IF I'M GOING DOWN, I'M TAKING EVERYBODY WITH ME. |
| 112 | OH, MY GOD! |
| 113 | A PORNO MOVIE? |
| 114 | ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. |
| 115 | I WAS YOUNG, AND I JUST WANTED A JOB, OKAY? |
| 116 | BUT I COULDN'T GO THROUGH WITH IT |
| 117 | SO THEY LET ME BE THE GUY WHO COMES IN TO FIX THE COPIER |
| 118 | BUT CAN'T, BECAUSE THERE'S PEOPLE HAVING SEX ON IT. |
| 119 | THAT IS WILD! |
| 120 | ( chuckling ) |
| 121 | WHAT'S IT SHAPED LIKE? |
| 122 | IS THERE A HAIR ON IT? |
| 123 | WHAT HAPPENS |
| 124 | IF YOU FLICK IT? |
| 125 | SO, UH, DOES IT DO ANYTHING, YOU KNOW, SPECIAL? |
| 126 | WELL, YES, ROSS. |
| 127 | PRESSING MY THIRD NIPPLE OPENS THE DELIVERY ENTRANCE |
| 128 | TO THE MAGICAL LAND OF NARNIA. |
| 129 | YOU KNOW, IN SOME CULTURES HAVING A THIRD NIPPLE |
| 130 | IS A SIGN OF VIRILITY. |
| 131 | YOU GET THE BEST HUTS |
| 132 | AND WOMEN DANCE NAKED AROUND YOU. |
| 133 | ARE ANY OF THESE CULTURES PERCHANCE IN THE TRI-STATE AREA? |
| 134 | YOU KNOW, YOU ARE SO AMAZING. |
| 135 | IS THERE ANYTHING YOU DON'T KNOW? |
| 136 | ( nasally ): OOH, JULIE'S SO SMART. |
| 137 | JULIE'S SO SPECIAL. |
| 138 | LOOK, I WANTED YOU TO HOOK UP WITH ROSS |
| 139 | AS MUCH AS YOU DID, BUT HE'S WITH HER NOW. |
| 140 | YOU'RE JUST GOING TO HAVE TO GET OVER IT. |
| 141 | OH, I'M GOING TO HAVE TO GET OVER IT. |
| 142 | I DIDN'T KNOW THAT'S WHAT I HAD TO DO. |
| 143 | I JUST HAVE TO GET OVER IT. |
| 144 | FOXY LADY! |
| 145 | WHERE ARE YOU GOING? |
| 146 | I'M GOING TO GO MEET DUNCAN. |
| 147 | HE'S SKATING TONIGHT AT THE GARDEN. |
| 148 | HE'S IN THE CAPADES. |
| 149 | THE ICE CAPADES? |
| 150 | NO, NO. THE GRAVEL CAPADES. |
| 151 | THE TURNS AREN'T AS FAST, BUT WHEN SNOOPY FALLS-- FUNNY. |
| 152 | I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE DRESSING UP FOR HIM. |
| 153 | YOU'RE SETTING YOURSELF UP ALL OVER AGAIN. |
| 154 | OKAY, NO. |
| 155 | FOR YOUR INFORMATION, I'M GOING TO SEE HIM |
| 156 | SO I CAN PUT ALL THOSE FEELINGS BEHIND ME. |
| 157 | AND THE REASON |
| 158 | I'M DRESSED LIKE THIS |
| 159 | IS BECAUSE I THINK IT'S NICE TO LOOK NICE |
| 160 | FOR YOUR GAY HUSBAND. |
| 161 | OH, DARN IT, WE'RE ALL OUT OF MILK. |
| 162 | HEY, CHANDLER |
| 163 | WOULD YOU FILL ME UP HERE? |
| 164 | OH, I SEE... I SEE... BECAUSE OF THE THIRD NIPPLE THING. |
| 165 | ( mock laughter ) |
| 166 | SWEETIE, I'LL SEE YOU LATER. |
| 167 | BYE. |
| 168 | BYE. |
| 169 | SEE YOU LATER, RACH. |
| 170 | ( nasally ): BYE-BYE, JULIE. |
| 171 | HEY! |
| 172 | HEY. |
| 173 | HEY, COME ON, CUT IT OUT. |
| 174 | HEY... |
| 175 | WHAT? |
| 176 | CAN I ASK YOU SOMETHING? |
| 177 | SURE. |
| 178 | ( groans ) |
| 179 | WHAT? |
| 180 | ( groans ) |
| 181 | COME ON, TALK TO ME. |
| 182 | OKAY. |
| 183 | WHAT'S THE LONGEST |
| 184 | YOU'VE BEEN IN A RELATIONSHIP BEFORE... |
| 185 | HA-HAVING..? |
| 186 | HAVING HAD SEX? |
| 187 | WHY? WHO'S NOT HAVING..? |
| 188 | ARE YOU AND JULIE NOT.... OR ARE AND.. |
| 189 | ARE YOU AND JULIE NOT HAVING SEX? |
| 190 | WELL... TECHNICALLY? |
| 191 | NO. |
| 192 | WOW. |
| 193 | IS IT BECAUSE SHE'S SO COLD IN BED? |
| 194 | OR IS BECAUSE SHE'S |
| 195 | LIKE KIND OF BOSSY, MAKES IT FEEL LIKE SCHOOL? |
| 196 | NO... NO, SHE'S GREAT |
| 197 | AND IT'S NOT LIKE WE HAVEN'T DONE... ANYTHING. |
| 198 | I MEAN, UH, WE... WE DO PLENTY OF OTHER STUFF... |
| 199 | LOTS OF OTHER STUFF, LIKE... |
| 200 | NO, NO, NO, NO. |
| 201 | DON'T NEED TO KNOW THE DETAILS. |
| 202 | THAT'S OKAY. |
| 203 | IT'S JUST... IT'S... IT'S ME. |
| 204 | YOU KNOW, I'VE ONLY BEEN WITH ONE WOMAN |
| 205 | MY WHOLE LIFE, AND SHE TURNED OUT TO BE A LESBIAN. |
| 206 | UH-HUH. |
| 207 | SO NOW, I'VE GOT MYSELF ALL PSYCHED-OUT, YOU KNOW |
| 208 | AND IT'S BECOME LIKE THIS... THIS THING, AND I... |
| 209 | YOU MUST JUST THINK I'M WEIRD. |
| 210 | NO. NO, NO, NO, I DON'T THINK IT'S WEIRD. |
| 211 | I THINK... I THINK, UM, IN FACT... |
| 212 | IN FACT, YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK? |
| 213 | WHAT? |
| 214 | I THINK IT'S SEXY. |
| 215 | SEXY? |
| 216 | LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING. |
| 217 | AS A WOMAN... |
| 218 | MM-HMM? |
| 219 | ...THERE IS NOTHING SEXIER THAN A MAN |
| 220 | WHO DOES NOT WANT TO HAVE SEX. |
| 221 | NO KIDDING? |
| 222 | OH, YEAH. IN FACT, YOU KNOW WHAT I'D DO? |
| 223 | WHAT? |
| 224 | I'D WAIT. |
| 225 | YOU'D WAIT? |
| 226 | YES, ABSOLUTELY. |
| 227 | I WOULD WAIT, AND WAIT. |
| 228 | THEN I'D WAIT |
| 229 | SOME MORE. |
| 230 | REALLY? |
| 231 | OH, YEAH. |
| 232 | I DON'T CARE HOW MUCH SHE TELLS YOU SHE WANTS IT. |
| 233 | I DON'T CARE IF SHE BEGS, SHE PLEADS, SHE TELLS YOU |
| 234 | SHE'S GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH... WITH ANOTHER MAN. |
| 235 | THAT JUST MEANS IT'S WORKING. |
| 236 | WOMEN REALLY WANT THIS? |
| 237 | MM-HMM, MORE THAN JEWELRY. |
| 238 | HI. |
| 239 | PHOEBE... |
| 240 | ♪ TA-DAH! ♪ |
| 241 | HEY. |
| 242 | HI. |
| 243 | AH, LOOK AT YOU. |
| 244 | YOU LOOK GREAT. |
| 245 | DO I? |
| 246 | YEAH. |
| 247 | THANK YOU. SO DO YOU. |
| 248 | THANKS. |
| 249 | SPARKLY. |
| 250 | YEAH. |
| 251 | SO... WOW. |
| 252 | THIS IS... THIS IS PRETTY WONDERFUL, HUH? |
| 253 | MR. MAJOR CAPADES GUY. |
| 254 | GOD, I... I REMEMBER |
| 255 | WHERE YOU WERE JUST LIKE KING FRIDAY |
| 256 | IN MR. ROGER'S ICE IS NICE. |
| 257 | YEAH, YOU ALWAYS SAID I'D MAKE IT. |
| 258 | YEAH, WELL, YOU KNOW, I'M KIND OF SPOOKY THAT WAY. |
| 259 | GOD, I MISSED YOU. |
| 260 | I'M GOING TO GET CHANGED. |
| 261 | OKAY. |
| 262 | UM... NOW. |
| 263 | WHAT? |
| 264 | PHOEBS? |
| 265 | OH, RIGHT. OKAY. |
| 266 | OLE. |
| 267 | WHAT? |
| 268 | UM... THE MATADOR, SO... |
| 269 | OLE. |
| 270 | ( laughing ) |
| 271 | SWEET, CAN YOU HOLD THIS FOR A SECOND? |
| 272 | SURE. |
| 273 | THANKS. |
| 274 | UH, JULIE? |
| 275 | YEAH. |
| 276 | SORRY. YOU HAD A PALEONTOLOGIST ON YOUR FACE. |
| 277 | BUT IT'S GONE NOW. |
| 278 | YOU'RE ALL RIGHT. |
| 279 | GOOD NIGHT, EVERYONE. |
| 280 | GOOD NIGHT. |
| 281 | GOOD-BYE. |
| 282 | OH, LISTEN... |
| 283 | I JUST... I WANTED TO THANK YOU FOR, UH... |
| 284 | OUR LITTLE TALK BEFORE. |
| 285 | OH, GOD, NO PROBLEM. |
| 286 | SO YOU'RE GOING TO GO WITH THE WAITING THING? |
| 287 | WELL, I WAS GOING TO |
| 288 | BUT AFTER I TALKED TO YOU, I TALKED TO JOEY. |
| 289 | WHAT..? WHAT DID HE SAY? |
| 290 | BASICALLY, HE TOLD ME |
| 291 | TO GET OVER MYSELF AND JUST DO IT. |
| 292 | SO I THOUGHT ABOUT WHAT YOU SAID |
| 293 | AND I THOUGHT ABOUT WHAT HE SAID |
| 294 | AND, WELL, HIS WAY I GET TO HAVE SEX TONIGHT, SO... |
| 295 | OH, GOD. |
| 296 | HMM. |
| 297 | WHAT IS THIS IN MY POCKET? |
| 298 | WHY, IT'S JOEY'S PORNO MOVIE. |
| 299 | Ross: HEY. |
| 300 | POP IT IN. |
| 301 | I'M FINE WITH IT. |
| 302 | I MEAN, IF YOU'RE OKAY WATCHING A VIDEO FILLED |
| 303 | WITH TWO-NIPPLED PEOPLE. |
| 304 | Rachel: GREAT. |
| 305 | PEOPLE HAVING SEX-- THAT'S JUST WHAT I NEED TO SEE. |
| 306 | WHAT'S WRONG WITH PEOPLE HAVING SEX? |
| 307 | ( clears throat ) WELL... |
| 308 | WELL, UM, YOU KNOW |
| 309 | THESE MOVIES ARE OFFENSIVE... |
| 310 | AND, UH, DEGRADING TO WOMEN... |
| 311 | AND FEMALES... |
| 312 | AND, UH... |
| 313 | AND THE LIGHTING'S ALWAYS UNFLATTERING. |
| 314 | AND... |
| 315 | MONICA, HELP ME OUT HERE. |
| 316 | HELL, I WANT TO SEE JOEY! |
| 317 | ( cheesy music playing ) |
| 318 | SO, IS THERE LIKE A STORY |
| 319 | OR DO THEY JUST START DOING IT RIGHT..? |
| 320 | OH. NEVER MIND. |
| 321 | OKAY, NOW, WAIT A MINUTE. |
| 322 | THAT IS THE CRAZIEST TYPING TEST |
| 323 | I'VE EVER SEEN. |
| 324 | ALL I SAY IS, SHE BETTER GET THE JOB. |
| 325 | LOOKS TO ME LIKE HE'S THE ONE GETTING |
| 326 | THE JOB. |
| 327 | SHH. |
| 328 | OKAY, HERE I COME. HERE I COME. |
| 329 | SEE, I'M COMING TO FIX THE COPIER. |
| 330 | I CAN'T GET TO THE COPIER. |
| 331 | I'M THINKING, "WHAT DO I DO? WHAT DO I DO?" |
| 332 | SO I JUST WATCH THEM HAVE SEX. |
| 333 | AND THEN I SAY... WAIT, HERE'S MY LINE. |
| 334 | You know, that's bad for the paper tray. |
| 335 | NICE WORK, MY FRIEND. |
| 336 | THANK YOU. |
| 337 | WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, YOU SEE ME AGAIN. |
| 338 | HANG ON. THE GUY'S BUTT'S BLOCKING ME. |
| 339 | THERE I AM. |
| 340 | THERE I AM. |
| 341 | THERE I AM. |
| 342 | THERE I AM. |
| 343 | SO WHAT'S UP? |
| 344 | YOU CAME TO SEE ME YESTERDAY. |
| 345 | OH, YEAH, UM... |
| 346 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 347 | I KIND OF NEED A DIVORCE. |
| 348 | O... KAY. |
| 349 | H-HOW COME? |
| 350 | UM, ACTUALLY, I'M GETTING MARRIED AGAIN. |
| 351 | WHAT? |
| 352 | I DON'T KNOW HOW TO TELL YOU THIS. |
| 353 | I'M STRAIGHT. |
| 354 | ( gasps ) |
| 355 | YEAH, I KNOW, I.. |
| 356 | I, I DON'T UNDERSTAND. |
| 357 | I DON'T UNDERSTAND. |
| 358 | HOW CAN YOU BE STRAIGHT? |
| 359 | I MEAN, YOU'RE SO SMART AND FUNNY |
| 360 | AND YOU THROW SUCH GREAT ACADEMY AWARD PARTIES. |
| 361 | I KNOW. I KNOW. |
| 362 | THAT'S WHAT I KEPT TELLING MYSELF. |
| 363 | BUT YOU JUST REACH A POINT WHERE YOU CAN'T |
| 364 | LIVE A LIE ANYMORE. |
| 365 | SO HOW LONG HAVE YOU KNOWN? |
| 366 | WELL, I GUESS ON SOME LEVEL I ALWAYS KNEW I WAS STRAIGHT. |
| 367 | I THOUGHT I WAS SUPPOSED |
| 368 | TO BE SOMETHING ELSE. |
| 369 | YOU KNOW, I'M AN ICE DANCER. |
| 370 | ALL MY FRIENDS ARE GAY. |
| 371 | I WAS JUST TRYING TO FIT IN. |
| 372 | AND, UM... |
| 373 | AND THERE'S ACTUALLY A... A WOMAN? |
| 374 | HER NAME'S DEBORAH. |
| 375 | OH. |
| 376 | WELL, IS, IS SHE THE FIRST THAT YOU'VE BEEN WITH? |
| 377 | WELL, I'VE NEVER TOLD YOU THIS, BUT... |
| 378 | THERE WERE ONE OR TWO TIMES BACK IN COLLEGE |
| 379 | WHEN I'D GET REALLY DRUNK, GO TO A STRAIGHT BAR |
| 380 | AND WAKE UP WITH A WOMAN NEXT TO ME. |
| 381 | BUT, I, I... |
| 382 | I TOLD MYSELF IT WAS THE LIQUOR |
| 383 | AND EVERYONE EXPERIMENTS IN COLLEGE. |
| 384 | SURE. |
| 385 | BUT NOW |
| 386 | I KNOW I DON'T HAVE A CHOICE ABOUT THIS. |
| 387 | I WAS BORN THIS WAY. |
| 388 | I, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY. |
| 389 | I MEAN, YOU KNOW |
| 390 | YOU'RE MARRIED TO SOMEONE FOR SIX YEARS |
| 391 | AND YOU THINK YOU KNOW HIM |
| 392 | AND THEN ONE DAY HE SAYS, "OH, I'M NOT GAY." |
| 393 | I'M... I'M STILL ME. |
| 394 | WHY COULDN'T YOU JUST HAVE FIGURED THIS OUT |
| 395 | SIX YEARS AGO? |
| 396 | YOU KNOW, IT STILL SMELLS LIKE MONKEY IN THERE? |
| 397 | WELL, THAT SAVES US A CONVERSATION. |
| 398 | WELL, LISTEN, THIS HAS BEEN GREAT |
| 399 | BUT I'M OFFICIALLY WIPED. |
| 400 | ME TOO. WE SHOULD GO. |
| 401 | NO! |
| 402 | NO, I MEAN... NO. |
| 403 | COME ON, YOU GUYS. |
| 404 | I MEAN... |
| 405 | COME ON. LOOK, IT'S ONLY 11:30. |
| 406 | LET'S JUST TALK. |
| 407 | WE NEVER JUST HANG OUT AND TALK ANYMORE. |
| 408 | RACHEL |
| 409 | THAT'S ALL WE DO. |
| 410 | OKAY, MAYBE THAT'S ALL WE DO. |
| 411 | WHAT ABOUT JULIE? |
| 412 | WHAT ABOUT JULIE? |
| 413 | WELL, YOU HAVE BEEN IN OUR LIVES |
| 414 | FOR NEARLY TWO MONTHS NOW |
| 415 | AND WE DON'T REALLY KNOW YOU. |
| 416 | I MEAN, WHO IS JULIE? |
| 417 | I MEAN |
| 418 | WHAT DO YOU LIKE? |
| 419 | WHAT DON'T YOU LIKE? |
| 420 | WE WANT TO KNOW EVERYTHING. |
| 421 | WELL, THAT COULD TAKE A WHILE. |
| 422 | SO? |
| 423 | I MEAN, WHO HERE DOES NOT HAVE THE TIME |
| 424 | TO GET TO KNOW JULIE? |
| 425 | I GOT THE TIME TO GET TO KNOW JULIE. |
| 426 | I GOT TIME. |
| 427 | UH, RACH? |
| 428 | I KNOW HER PRETTY WELL. |
| 429 | CAN I GO? |
| 430 | THAT'S FINE. |
| 431 | OKAY, JULIE, SO NOW LET'S START WITH YOUR CHILDHOOD. |
| 432 | WHAT WAS THAT LIKE? |
| 433 | WELL, IN A NUT SHELL... |
| 434 | UH, UH, UH, UH. |
| 435 | SO, UM, HAVE YOU TOLD YOUR PARENTS? |
| 436 | NO, BUT IT'LL BE OKAY. |
| 437 | THEY'RE PRETTY COOL. |
| 438 | MY BROTHER'S STRAIGHT, SO... |
| 439 | HERE YOU GO. |
| 440 | YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 441 | I JUST HAVE ONE MORE QUESTION. |
| 442 | UM, IF YOU HAD FIGURED THIS OUT SOONER |
| 443 | AND, UM... I HAD BEEN AROUND |
| 444 | DO YOU THINK THAT |
| 445 | I WOULD HAVE BEEN THE ONE WHO..? |
| 446 | NO, NO. THAT'S RIGHT. |
| 447 | DON'T TELL ME. |
| 448 | I DON'T THINK EITHER ANSWER WOULD MAKE ME FEEL BETTER. |
| 449 | HERE. |
| 450 | I LOVE YOU, PHOEBE. |
| 451 | SO YOUR BROTHER'S STRAIGHT, HUH? |
| 452 | SERIOUSLY. |
| 453 | AND MY SECOND GRADE TEACHER WAS MISS THOMAS. |
| 454 | AND MY FIRST GRADE TEACHER WAS MRS. COBB. |
| 455 | MRS.... MRS. GOB? |
| 456 | NO, COBB. |
| 457 | LIKE COBB SALAD. |
| 458 | HMM. OKAY. |
| 459 | NOW, WHAT EXACTLY IS IN A COBB SALAD? |
| 460 | I'M GOING HOME. |
| 461 | WHY? |
| 462 | SAY GOODNIGHT, RACH. |
| 463 | THAT JULIE'S A TALKER, HUH? |
| 464 | GOODNIGHT. |
| 465 | WHEW! |
| 466 | GOODNIGHT. |
| 467 | GOODNIGHT. |
| 468 | IT'S PRETTY LATE. |
| 469 | YOU'RE PROBABLY NOT STILL PLANNING ON... |
| 470 | OH... NO, NO, I AM. |
| 471 | OH. OH, WELL... |
| 472 | OH, HEY, ARE YOU NERVOUS? |
| 473 | NO. |
| 474 | NO, I, UH... |
| 475 | I HAVE DONE IT BEFORE. |
| 476 | WELL, OKAY, I MEAN... |
| 477 | HOW ARE YOU GOING TO HANDLE IT? |
| 478 | ARE YOU GOING TO TALK ABOUT IT BEFOREHAND? |
| 479 | ARE YOU JUST GOING TO POUNCE? |
| 480 | I, UH... I DON'T KNOW. |
| 481 | I GUESS I'M JUST GOING TO... |
| 482 | SEE... SEE WHAT HAPPENS. |
| 483 | OKAY. |
| 484 | GOOD LUCK. |
| 485 | WHAT, UH..? |
| 486 | ( clears throat ) |
| 487 | WHAT? |
| 488 | WELL, NOTHING. |
| 489 | I MEAN, UM... |
| 490 | IT IS YOUR FIRST TIME WITH HER |
| 491 | AND, YOU KNOW |
| 492 | IF THE FIRST TIME DOESN'T GO WELL |
| 493 | WELL, THEN, THAT'S PRETTY DARN HARD |
| 494 | TO RECOVER FROM. |
| 495 | OKAY, NOW I'M NERVOUS. |
| 496 | WELL, MAYBE YOU SHOULD PUT IT OFF. |
| 497 | NO, I DON'T WANT TO PUT IT OFF. |
| 498 | I... |
| 499 | GOD, I'M JUST... |
| 500 | I SPENT LAST YEAR BEING SO UNBELIEVABLY MISERABLE. |
| 501 | AND NOW, NOW... I'M ACTUALLY HAPPY. |
| 502 | YOU KNOW, I MEAN, REALLY HAPPY. |
| 503 | I JUST, I JUST... |
| 504 | DON'T WANT TO... |
| 505 | I DON'T WANT TO MESS IT UP. |
| 506 | YOU KNOW? |
| 507 | I KNOW. |
| 508 | YEAH. |
| 509 | I'M SORRY. |
| 510 | NO, IT'S... |
| 511 | IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT. |
| 512 | RIGHT. |
| 513 | MAYBE IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE THIS TOUGH. |
| 514 | MAYBE YOU WERE ON THE RIGHT TRACK |
| 515 | WITH THAT WHOLE, YOU KNOW, SPONTANEOUS THING. |
| 516 | I MEAN, WOMEN REALLY LIKE THAT. |
| 517 | REALLY? |
| 518 | YEAH. |
| 519 | I MEAN, YOU KNOW... |
| 520 | I MEAN, IF IT WERE ME... |
| 521 | YEAH. |
| 522 | I'D WANT YOU TO... |
| 523 | WHAT? |
| 524 | I DON'T KNOW, CATCH ME OFF-GUARD |
| 525 | YOU KNOW, WITH LIKE A REALLY GOOD KISS. |
| 526 | YOU KNOW, REALLY... |
| 527 | SORT OF, UM, SOFT... AT FIRST. |
| 528 | AND THEN MAYBE, UM... |
| 529 | BRUSH THE HAIR AWAY FROM MY FACE. |
| 530 | YEAH. |
| 531 | AND THEN LOOK |
| 532 | FAR INTO MY EYES... |
| 533 | IN A WAY THAT LET'S ME KNOW SOMETHING... |
| 534 | AMAZING IS ABOUT TO HAPPEN. |
| 535 | UH-HUH. |
| 536 | AND THEN, I DON'T KNOW-- |
| 537 | THEN YOU'D PULL ME REALLY CLOSE TO YOU |
| 538 | SO THAT, SO THAT I'D BE PRESSED UP |
| 539 | RIGHT AGAINST YOU. |
| 540 | AND, UM... |
| 541 | IT WOULD GET KIND OF... |
| 542 | SWEATY... |
| 543 | AND, UH, AND BLURRY... |
| 544 | AND THEN IT'S JUST HAPPENING. |
| 545 | ( sighs ) |
| 546 | THANKS, RACH. |
| 547 | GOODNIGHT. |
| 548 | OH... |
| 549 | ( whimpers ) |
| 550 | OH, GOD. |
| 551 | GOOD MORNING. |
| 552 | WELL, SOMEBODY GOT SOME LAST NIGHT. |
| 553 | TWICE. |
| 554 | |
| 1 | Gomez now with a side headlock, a handful of goatee. |
| 2 | MAN, I SURE MISS JULIE. |
| 3 | SPANISH MIDGETS... |
| 4 | SPANISH MIDGETS WRESTLING... |
| 5 | JULIE. OKAY, YES, I SEE HOW YOU GOT THERE. |
| 6 | ( phone ringing ) |
| 7 | ( ringing ) |
| 8 | YOU EVER FIGURE OUT WHAT THAT THING'S FOR? |
| 9 | I'M TRYING THIS NEW SCREENING THING. |
| 10 | IF I'M ALWAYS ANSWERING THE PHONE |
| 11 | PEOPLE THINK I DON'T HAVE A LIFE. |
| 12 | MY GOD, RODRIGO NEVER GETS PINNED. |
| 13 | Joey: Here comes the beep. |
| 14 | You know what to do. |
| 15 | ( beeps ) |
| 16 | Woman: Hello. I'm looking for Bob. |
| 17 | This is Jade. |
| 18 | I don't know if you're still at this number |
| 19 | but I was just thinking about us and how great it was |
| 20 | and I know it's been three years |
| 21 | but I was kind of hoping we could hook up again, you know? |
| 22 | I barely had the nerve to make this call |
| 23 | so you know what I did? |
| 24 | WHAT? |
| 25 | I got a little drunk... and naked. |
| 26 | BOB HERE. |
| 27 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 28 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 29 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 30 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 31 | ♪ AND IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY ♪ |
| 32 | ♪ YOUR WEEK, YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 33 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 34 | ♪ WHEN THE RAIN STARTS TO FALL ♪ |
| 35 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 36 | ♪ LIKE I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE ♪ |
| 37 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 38 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME TOO. ♪ |
| 39 | SO, UH... WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN UP TO? |
| 40 | Oh, you know, the usual: |
| 41 | teaching aerobics |
| 42 | partying way too much. |
| 43 | ( laughing ): Oh, and in case you were wondering |
| 44 | those are my legs on the new James Bond poster. |
| 45 | CAN YOU HOLD ON A MOMENT? |
| 46 | I HAVE ANOTHER CALL. |
| 47 | I LOVE HER. |
| 48 | I KNOW. |
| 49 | I'M BACK. |
| 50 | So are we going to get together or what? |
| 51 | UM, ABSOLUTELY. |
| 52 | UH, HOW ABOUT TOMORROW AFTERNOON? |
| 53 | YOU KNOW CENTRAL PERK IN THE VILLAGE, SAY FIVE-ISH? |
| 54 | Great. I'll see you then. |
| 55 | OKAY. |
| 56 | OKAY. |
| 57 | HAVING A PHONE HAS FINALLY PAID OFF. |
| 58 | OKAY, EVEN THOUGH YOU DO DO A GOOD BOB IMPRESSION |
| 59 | I'M THINKING WHEN SHE SEES YOU TOMORROW |
| 60 | SHE'S PROBABLY GOING TO REALIZE, "HEY, YOU'RE NOT BOB." |
| 61 | I AM HOPING THAT WHEN BOB |
| 62 | DOESN'T SHOW UP, SHE WILL SEEK COMFORT |
| 63 | IN THE OPEN ARMS OF THE WRY STRANGER |
| 64 | AT THE NEXT TABLE. |
| 65 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 66 | YOU ARE PURE EVIL. |
| 67 | OKAY, PURE EVIL. |
| 68 | HORNY AND ALONE. |
| 69 | I'VE DONE THIS. |
| 70 | Ross: I'M AT MONICA'S. |
| 71 | YEAH, YEAH, EVERYBODY'S HERE. |
| 72 | HEY, EVERYBODY, SAY HI TO JULIE IN NEW MEXICO. |
| 73 | HI. HI, JULIE. |
| 74 | ( sarcastically ): HI, JULIE. |
| 75 | WHAT? |
| 76 | WHILE ROSS IS ON THE PHONE |
| 77 | EVERYBODY OWES ME 62 BUCKS FOR HIS BIRTHDAY. |
| 78 | UM... |
| 79 | IS THERE ANY CHANCE THAT YOU'RE ROUNDING UP? |
| 80 | YOU KNOW, LIKE FROM, LIKE, 20? |
| 81 | WE GOT THE GIFT, THE CONCERT AND THE CAKE. |
| 82 | DO WE NEED A CAKE? |
| 83 | I KNOW IT'S A LITTLE STEEP. |
| 84 | YEAH, WHOOSH! |
| 85 | BUT IT'S ROSS. |
| 86 | YEAH. |
| 87 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 88 | ALL RIGHT? OKAY. |
| 89 | I'LL SEE YOU GUYS LATER. |
| 90 | I GOT TO GO... DO A THING. |
| 91 | OKAY, SWEETHEART |
| 92 | I'LL CALL YOU LATER TONIGHT. |
| 93 | YOU'RE NOT REALLY GOING TO GO THROUGH WITH THIS, ARE YOU? |
| 94 | YOU KNOW, I THINK I MIGHT JUST. |
| 95 | SO, UH, WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING FOR DINNER TONIGHT? |
| 96 | WELL, I GUESS I GOT TO START SAVING UP |
| 97 | FOR ROSS' BIRTHDAY |
| 98 | SO I GUESS I'LL JUST STAY HOME AND EAT DUST BUNNIES. |
| 99 | CAN YOU BELIEVE HOW MUCH THIS IS GOING TO COST? |
| 100 | DO YOU GUYS EVER GET THE FEELING THAT, UM... |
| 101 | CHANDLER AND THOSE GUYS JUST DON'T GET |
| 102 | THAT WE DON'T MAKE AS MUCH MONEY AS THEY DO? |
| 103 | YES, YEAH. YES. |
| 104 | THEY'RE ALWAYS SAYING, "LET'S GO HERE. LET'S GO THERE." |
| 105 | LIKE WE CAN AFFORD TO GO |
| 106 | HERE AND THERE. |
| 107 | YES, YES, AND WE ALWAYS HAVE TO GO SOMEPLACE NICE, YOU KNOW? |
| 108 | GOD, AND IT'S NOT LIKE WE CAN SAY ANYTHING ABOUT IT |
| 109 | 'CAUSE, LIKE, THIS IS A BIRTHDAY THING, YOU KNOW |
| 110 | AND IT'S FOR ROSS. |
| 111 | FOR ROSS. |
| 112 | FOR ROSS. |
| 113 | ROSS' BIRTHDAY. ROSS. |
| 114 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 115 | HI. WHAT? |
| 116 | OKAY, I'M AT WORK. |
| 117 | IT'S AN ORDINARY DAY-- |
| 118 | YOU KNOW, CHOP, CHOP, CHOP, SAUTE, SAUTE, SAUTE. |
| 119 | SUDDENLY, LEON, THE MANAGER, CALLS ME INTO HIS OFFICE. |
| 120 | THEY FIRED THE HEAD LUNCH CHEF, AND GUESS WHO GOT THE JOB? |
| 121 | IF IT'S NOT YOU, THIS IS A HORRIBLE STORY. |
| 122 | FORTUNATELY IT IS ME, AND THEY MADE ME |
| 123 | HEAD OF PURCHASING, THANK YOU VERY MUCH. |
| 124 | OH, THAT'S SO COOL. |
| 125 | I RAN INTO CHANDLER AND ROSS. |
| 126 | THEY THINK WE SHOULD GO CELEBRATE, SOMEPLACE NICE. |
| 127 | OH. |
| 128 | YEAH, SOMEPLACE NICE. |
| 129 | YEAH. |
| 130 | HOW MUCH YOU THINK I CAN GET FOR MY KIDNEY? |
| 131 | Ross: I'M TELLING YOU. |
| 132 | YOU CAN'T DO THIS. |
| 133 | I CAN NEVER GET A GIRL LIKE THAT |
| 134 | WITH CONVENTIONAL METHODS. |
| 135 | THAT DOESN'T MATTER. |
| 136 | SHE WANTED TO CALL BOB. |
| 137 | HEY, FOR ALL WE KNOW |
| 138 | BOB IS WHO SHE WAS MEANT TO BE WITH. |
| 139 | YOU MAY BE DESTROYING TWO PEOPLE'S CHANCE FOR HAPPINESS. |
| 140 | WE DON'T KNOW BOB. |
| 141 | OKAY? WE KNOW ME. |
| 142 | WE LIKE ME. |
| 143 | PLEASE LET ME BE HAPPY. |
| 144 | GO OVER THERE AND TELL THAT WOMAN THE TRUTH. |
| 145 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 146 | GO. |
| 147 | HI. |
| 148 | HI. |
| 149 | ( clearing throat ) |
| 150 | LISTEN, I HAVE TO, UM... |
| 151 | I HAVE TO-- I HAVE TO CONFESS SOMETHING. |
| 152 | YES? |
| 153 | WHOEVER STOOD YOU UP IS A JERK. |
| 154 | HOW DID YOU..? |
| 155 | I DON'T KNOW. |
| 156 | I JUST HAD THIS WEIRD SENSE. |
| 157 | BUT THAT'S ME. |
| 158 | I'M WEIRD AND SENSITIVE. |
| 159 | TISSUE? |
| 160 | ( sniffles ): THANKS. |
| 161 | NO, YOU KEEP THE PACK. |
| 162 | I'M ALL CRIED OUT TODAY. |
| 163 | ( laughs ) |
| 164 | ( tapping glass ) |
| 165 | ( clearing throat ) |
| 166 | OKAY, OKAY. |
| 167 | OH. |
| 168 | HERE IS TO MY SISTER |
| 169 | THE NEWLY APPOINTED HEAD LUNCH CHEF. |
| 170 | ALSO IN CHARGE OF PURCHASING. |
| 171 | NEWLY APPOINTED HEAD LUNCH CHEF ALSO IN CHARGE OF PURCHASING. |
| 172 | WHO HAS HER OWN DESK WHEN ROLAND'S NOT THERE. |
| 173 | UH, LUNCH CHEF, PURCHASING |
| 174 | HER OWN DESK WHEN ROLAND'S NOT THERE. |
| 175 | HERE'S TO MY LITTLE SISTER... |
| 176 | AND I GOT A BEEPER. |
| 177 | OH, COOL. |
| 178 | LET'S SEE. |
| 179 | THAT'S FINE. |
| 180 | I'LL JUST WAIT. |
| 181 | OH, SORRY. |
| 182 | Joey: SORRY, SORRY. |
| 183 | MONICA. |
| 184 | ( all toasting ) |
| 185 | CHEERS. |
| 186 | ARE WE READY TO ORDER? |
| 187 | WE HAVEN'T EVEN LOOKED YET. |
| 188 | WHEN YOU DO, LET ME KNOW. |
| 189 | I'LL BE OVER THERE ON THE EDGE OF MY SEAT. |
| 190 | WOW. LOOK AT THESE PRICES. |
| 191 | YEAH. THESE ARE PRETTY CHA-CHING. |
| 192 | I KNOW. |
| 193 | WHAT ARE THESE-- LIKE FAMOUS CHICKENS? |
| 194 | HEY, SORRY I'M LATE. |
| 195 | CONGRATULATIONS, MON. |
| 196 | THANKS. |
| 197 | I'M NOT SORRY I'M LATE. |
| 198 | HOW INCREDIBLE WAS MY AFTERNOON WITH JADE? |
| 199 | PRETTY INCREDIBLE ACCORDING TO THE MESSAGE |
| 200 | SHE LEFT ON MY MACHINE. |
| 201 | HEY, CHANDLER, WHY IS THIS WOMAN |
| 202 | LEAVING A MESSAGE FOR YOU ON MY MACHINE? |
| 203 | I HAD TO TELL HER MY NUMBER WAS YOUR NUMBER |
| 204 | BECAUSE I COULDN'T TELL HER |
| 205 | THAT MY NUMBER WAS MY NUMBER |
| 206 | BECAUSE SHE THINKS |
| 207 | THAT MY NUMBER IS BOB'S NUMBER. |
| 208 | HEY, TELL ME AGAIN. |
| 209 | WHAT DO I DO WHEN MR. ROPER CALLS? |
| 210 | DO I DARE ASK? |
| 211 | YES, I'LL START WITH THE CARPACCIO. |
| 212 | THEN I'LL HAVE THE GRILLED PRAWNS. |
| 213 | GREAT, SAME FOR ME. |
| 214 | AND FOR THE GENTLEMAN? |
| 215 | YEAH, I'LL HAVE THE THAI CHICKEN PIZZA. |
| 216 | HEY, LOOK, IF I GET IT WITHOUT THE NUTS |
| 217 | AND LEEKS AND STUFF, IS IT CHEAPER? |
| 218 | YOU'D THINK, WOULDN'T YOU? |
| 219 | MISS? |
| 220 | OKAY. I WILL HAVE THE, UH... |
| 221 | ( whispering ): SIDE SALAD. |
| 222 | ( whispering ): AND WHAT WOULD THAT BE ON THE SIDE OF? |
| 223 | I DON'T KNOW. |
| 224 | WHY DON'T YOU JUST PUT IT RIGHT HERE NEXT TO MY WATER. |
| 225 | OKAY. |
| 226 | AND FOR YOU? |
| 227 | UM... |
| 228 | I'M GOING TO HAVE A CUP OF THE CUCUMBER SOUP |
| 229 | AND, UM... |
| 230 | TAKE CARE. |
| 231 | I WILL HAVE THE CAJUN CATFISH. |
| 232 | ANYTHING ELSE? |
| 233 | HOW ABOUT A VERSE OF "KILLING ME SOFTLY"? |
| 234 | YOU'RE GOING TO SNEEZE IN MY FISH, AREN'T YOU? |
| 235 | ( crunching ) |
| 236 | Ross: PLUS TIP, DIVIDED BY SIX... |
| 237 | OKAY, EVERYONE OWES 28 BUCKS. |
| 238 | Chandler: OKAY. |
| 239 | WHAT, UM, EVERYONE? |
| 240 | OH. |
| 241 | YOU'RE RIGHT. I'M SORRY. |
| 242 | THANK YOU. |
| 243 | MONICA SHOULDN'T PAY. |
| 244 | OH... |
| 245 | THANK YOU. |
| 246 | Ross: SO FIVE OF US IS... |
| 247 | $33.50 APIECE. |
| 248 | NO. HUH-UH, NO WAY. |
| 249 | NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. |
| 250 | WHOA, WHOA, PROM NIGHT FLASHBACK. |
| 251 | I'M SORRY, MONICA. |
| 252 | I'M REALLY HAPPY YOU GOT PROMOTED |
| 253 | BUT COLD CUCUMBER MUSH FOR THIRTY-SOMETHING BUCKS? |
| 254 | NO! |
| 255 | RACHEL JUST HAD THAT LITTLE SALAD |
| 256 | AND JOEY WITH HIS, LIKE, TEENY PIZZA! |
| 257 | IT'S JUST... |
| 258 | OKAY, PHEEBS. SHH. SHH. |
| 259 | HOW ABOUT WE'LL EACH JUST PAY FOR WHAT WE HAD, OKAY? |
| 260 | IT'S NO BIG DEAL. |
| 261 | NOT FOR YOU. |
| 262 | ALL RIGHT, WHAT'S GOING ON? |
| 263 | I REALLY DON'T WANT TO GET INTO THIS RIGHT NOW. |
| 264 | IT'LL JUST MAKE EVERYBODY UNCOMFORTABLE. |
| 265 | ALL RIGHT, FINE. FINE. |
| 266 | WHOA, WHOA. |
| 267 | YOU CAN TELL US. |
| 268 | HELLO, IT'S US. |
| 269 | WE'LL BE FINE. |
| 270 | YEAH. |
| 271 | ( crunching ) |
| 272 | OKAY, UH... |
| 273 | UH, WE THREE |
| 274 | FEEL LIKE THAT, UH... |
| 275 | SOMETIMES YOU GUYS DON'T GET THAT, UH... |
| 276 | ( clearing throat ) |
| 277 | ( clearing throat ) |
| 278 | WE DON'T HAVE AS MUCH MONEY AS YOU. |
| 279 | OKAY. |
| 280 | I HEAR YOU. |
| 281 | WE CAN TALK ABOUT THAT. |
| 282 | WELL, THEN... |
| 283 | LET'S. |
| 284 | WELL, UM, I-I GUESS |
| 285 | I JUST NEVER THINK OF MONEY AS AN ISSUE. |
| 286 | THAT'S 'CAUSE YOU HAVE IT. |
| 287 | THAT'S A GOOD POINT. |
| 288 | MMM... |
| 289 | SO, UM, HOW COME YOU GUYS |
| 290 | HAVEN'T TALKED ABOUT THIS BEFORE? |
| 291 | 'CAUSE IT'S ALWAYS SOMETHING, YOU KNOW? |
| 292 | LIKE WITH MONICA'S NEW JOB |
| 293 | OR ROSS'S BIRTHDAY HOOPLA. |
| 294 | Ross: WH-WHA..? |
| 295 | WHOA! HEY! I DON'T WANT MY BIRTHDAY TO BE THE SOURCE |
| 296 | OF ANY KIND OF NEGATIVE... |
| 297 | THERE'S GOING TO BE A HOOPLA? |
| 298 | BASICALLY, THERE'S THE THING |
| 299 | AND THEN THERE'S THE STUFF AFTER THE THING. |
| 300 | IF IT MAKES ANYBODY FEEL BETTER |
| 301 | THEN WE CAN JUST FORGET THE THING |
| 302 | AND WE'LL JUST DO THE GIFT. |
| 303 | G-GIFT? THE THING'S NOT THE GIFT? |
| 304 | NO, THE THING WAS WE WERE GOING TO SEE HOOTIE AND THE BLOWFISH. |
| 305 | HOOTIE AND... OH, MY! |
| 306 | I-I CAN CATCH THEM ON THE RADIO. |
| 307 | OH, NO, NOW I FEEL BAD. |
| 308 | YOU WANT TO GO TO THE CONCERT. |
| 309 | NO! LOOK, HEY, IT'S MY BIRTHDAY |
| 310 | AND THE IMPORTANT THING IS THAT WE ALL BE TOGETHER. |
| 311 | ALL OF US. |
| 312 | TOGETHER. |
| 313 | NOT AT THE CONCERT. |
| 314 | OKAY. |
| 315 | YEAH. |
| 316 | THANK YOU. |
| 317 | THANKS. |
| 318 | YEAH. |
| 319 | SO, THE EBOLA VIRUS-- THAT'S GOT TO SUCK, HUH? |
| 320 | WHAT'S IN THE BAG? |
| 321 | I DON'T KNOW, CHANDLER. |
| 322 | LET'S TAKE A LOOK. |
| 323 | UH, IT'S LIKE A SKIT. |
| 324 | WHY, IT'S DINNER FOR SIX-- |
| 325 | FIVE STEAKS AND AN EGGPLANT FOR PHOEBE. |
| 326 | HOO. |
| 327 | COOL. |
| 328 | WE SWITCHED MEAT SUPPLIERS AT WORK |
| 329 | AND THE NEW GUYS GAVE ME THE STEAKS. |
| 330 | BUT, WAIT, THERE'S MORE. |
| 331 | HEY, CHANDLER, WHAT IS IN THAT ENVELOPE? |
| 332 | BY THE WAY, THIS DIDN'T SEEM SO DORKY OUT IN THE HALL. |
| 333 | COME ON. |
| 334 | WHY, IT'S SIX TICKETS TO HOOTIE AND THE BLOWFISH. |
| 335 | THE BLOWFISH. |
| 336 | IT'S ON US, ALL RIGHT? |
| 337 | SO, DON'T WORRY-- THIS IS... OUR TREAT. |
| 338 | SO... THANK YOU. |
| 339 | COULD YOU BE LESS ENTHUSED? |
| 340 | LOOK, IT'S A NICE GESTURE. |
| 341 | IT IS, BUT IT JUST FEELS LIKE... |
| 342 | LIKE? |
| 343 | CHARITY. |
| 344 | CHARITY? |
| 345 | WE'RE JUST TRYING TO DO A NICE THING HERE. |
| 346 | YEAH, BUT ROSS, YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND |
| 347 | YOUR NICE THING MAKES US FEEL ABOUT THIS BIG. |
| 348 | ACTUALLY, IT MAKES US FEEL THAT BIG. |
| 349 | WHAT? I DON'T... I DON'T UNDERSTAND. |
| 350 | I MEAN, YOU.. |
| 351 | IT'S LIKE WE CAN'T WIN WITH YOU GUYS. |
| 352 | YEAH, I MEAN, IF YOU GUYS FEEL THIS BIG |
| 353 | MAYBE THAT'S NOT OUR FAULT. |
| 354 | MAYBE THAT'S JUST... HOW YOU FEEL. |
| 355 | OH... NOW YOU'RE TELLING US HOW WE FEEL. |
| 356 | OKAY, WE NEVER SHOULD HAVE TALKED ABOUT THIS. |
| 357 | ALL RIGHT, I'M GOING TO PASS ON THE CONCERT |
| 358 | 'CAUSE I'M JUST NOT IN A VERY HOOTIE PLACE RIGHT NOW. |
| 359 | ME NEITHER. |
| 360 | ME TOO. |
| 361 | GUYS, WE BOUGHT THE TICKETS. |
| 362 | THEN YOU'LL HAVE EXTRA SEATS, YOU KNOW |
| 363 | FOR ALL YOUR TIARAS AND STUFF. |
| 364 | WHY DID YOU LOOK AT ME WHEN YOU SAID THAT? |
| 365 | SO, I GUESS NOW WE CAN'T GO. |
| 366 | COME ON, YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANT TO DO. |
| 367 | WE ALWAYS HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING TOGETHER? |
| 368 | YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 369 | YOU'RE RIGHT. |
| 370 | FINE. |
| 371 | FINE. |
| 372 | FINE! |
| 373 | FINE. |
| 374 | FINE. |
| 375 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 376 | WE'RE GOING TO GO. |
| 377 | IT'S NOT FOR ANOTHER SIX HOURS. |
| 378 | WE'RE GOING TO GO THEN. |
| 379 | CHANDLER. |
| 380 | YEAH? |
| 381 | OH, GEEZ... OH... ARE YOU READY? |
| 382 | YES. LET ME GRAB |
| 383 | MY JACKET AND TELL YOU I HAD SEX TODAY. |
| 384 | WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. |
| 385 | WHAT? YOU... YOU HAD SEX TODAY? |
| 386 | WOW, IT SOUNDS EVEN COOLER WHEN SOMEBODY ELSE SAYS IT. |
| 387 | I WAS AWESOME, OKAY? |
| 388 | SHE WAS BITING HER LIP TO STOP FROM SCREAMING. |
| 389 | W-WOW. |
| 390 | IT'S BEEN A WHILE, BUT I TOOK THAT AS A GOOD SIGN. |
| 391 | ( phone ringing ) |
| 392 | STILL DOING THE SCREENING THING? |
| 393 | I HAD SEX TODAY. |
| 394 | I NEVER HAVE TO ANSWER THAT PHONE AGAIN. |
| 395 | Joey: Here comes the beep. You know what to do. |
| 396 | ( beeping ) |
| 397 | Hey, Bob, it's Jade. |
| 398 | I just wanted to tell you that I was really hurt |
| 399 | when you didn't show up |
| 400 | the other day |
| 401 | and, just so you know, I ended up meeting a guy. |
| 402 | BOB HERE. |
| 403 | Oh, hi. |
| 404 | SO, UH, YOU MET SOMEONE, HUH? |
| 405 | Yes. Yes, I did. |
| 406 | In fact, I had sex with him two hours ago. |
| 407 | SO, UH... |
| 408 | HOW WAS HE? |
| 409 | Eh. |
| 410 | "EH?" |
| 411 | Oh, Bob, he was nothing compared to you. |
| 412 | I thought about you the whole time. |
| 413 | I had to bite my lip to keep from screaming your name. |
| 414 | WELL, THAT MAKES ME FEEL SO GOOD. |
| 415 | It was just so awkward and bumpy. |
| 416 | ( no audio ) |
| 417 | WELL, MAYBE HE HAD SOME KIND OF NEW, UH, COOL STYLE |
| 418 | THAT YOU'RE NOT FAMILIAR WITH |
| 419 | AND MAYBE YOU HAVE TO GET USED TO IT. |
| 420 | There really wasn't much time to get used to it |
| 421 | if you know what I mean. |
| 422 | YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 423 | I'M NOT GOING TO BE ABLE TO ENJOY THIS. |
| 424 | YEAH, I KNOW. |
| 425 | IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. |
| 426 | WE ALL SHOULD BE HERE. |
| 427 | SO, LET'S GO. |
| 428 | WELL, MAYBE WE SHOULD STAY FOR ONE SONG. |
| 429 | YEAH. I MEAN, IT'D BE RUDE TO THEM |
| 430 | FOR US TO LEAVE NOW. |
| 431 | THE GUYS ARE PROBABLY HAVING A GREAT TIME. |
| 432 | COME ON, YOU GUYS, ONE MORE TIME. |
| 433 | OKAY. |
| 434 | ONE. |
| 435 | NO. |
| 436 | THAT WAS AMAZING! |
| 437 | EXCELLENT! |
| 438 | I CAN'T BELIEVE THE GUYS MISSED THAT. |
| 439 | WHAT GUYS? |
| 440 | OH, YEAH. |
| 441 | EXCUSE ME. |
| 442 | YOU'RE MONICA GELLER, AREN'T YOU? |
| 443 | DO I KNOW YOU? |
| 444 | YOU USED TO BE MY BABY-SITTER. |
| 445 | OH, MY GOD, LITTLE STEVIE FISHER? |
| 446 | HOW HAVE YOU BEEN? |
| 447 | GOOD. GOOD. |
| 448 | I'M A LAWYER NOW. |
| 449 | YOU CAN'T BE A LAWYER. YOU'RE EIGHT. |
| 450 | WELL, LISTEN, IT WAS NICE TO SEE YOU. |
| 451 | I GOT TO RUN BACKSTAGE. |
| 452 | WAIT. BACKSTAGE? |
| 453 | YEAH. MY FIRM REPRESENTS THE BAND. |
| 454 | ROSS. CHANDLER. |
| 455 | HOW ARE YOU? |
| 456 | WANT TO MEET THE GROUP? |
| 457 | YEAH, WE DO. |
| 458 | COME ON. |
| 459 | ARE YOU ONE OF THE ONES |
| 460 | THAT FOOLED AROUND WITH MY DAD? |
| 461 | HEY, YOU GUYS. |
| 462 | HAPPY BIRTHDAY. |
| 463 | OH, THANK YOU. |
| 464 | THANKS. |
| 465 | SO, UH... HOW WAS YOUR NIGHT LAST NIGHT? |
| 466 | WELL, IT PRETTY MUCH SUCKED. |
| 467 | HOW WAS YOURS? |
| 468 | OURS PRETTY MUCH SUCKED TOO. |
| 469 | BUT I DID RUN INTO LITTLE STEVIE FISHER. |
| 470 | REMEMBER HIM? |
| 471 | OH, YEAH. I USED TO BABY-SIT HIM. |
| 472 | HEY, HOW'S HIS DAD? |
| 473 | GOOD. |
| 474 | ASIDE FROM THAT |
| 475 | THE WHOLE EVENING WAS A BUST. |
| 476 | YEAH, WE... WE REALLY MISSED YOU GUYS. |
| 477 | YEAH, LOOK, UH... WE WERE JUST SAYING |
| 478 | THIS WHOLE THING IS SO STUPID. |
| 479 | WE JUST HAVE TO REALLY, REALLY, REALLY NOT LET STUFF LIKE THIS |
| 480 | ABOUT MONEY GET, LIKE... |
| 481 | IS THAT A HICKEY? |
| 482 | OH, NO, I JUST... I FELL DOWN. |
| 483 | ON SOMEONE'S LIPS? |
| 484 | WHERE'D YOU GET THE HICKEY? |
| 485 | YOU KNOW, A PARTY OR... |
| 486 | WHAT PARTY? |
| 487 | WELL, IT WASN'T A PARTY |
| 488 | SO MUCH AS A... A GATHERING OF PEOPLE... |
| 489 | ...WITH FOOD AND MUSIC AND... AND... AND THE BAND. |
| 490 | YOU PARTIED WITH HOOTIE AND THE BLOWFISH? |
| 491 | YES, APPARENTLY, STEVIE AND HOOTIE ARE LIKE THIS. |
| 492 | WHO GAVE YOU THAT HICKEY? |
| 493 | THAT WOULD BE THE WORK OF A BLOWFISH. |
| 494 | I CAN'T BELIEVE IT. |
| 495 | I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS. |
| 496 | WE'RE JUST, LIKE, SITTING AT HOME |
| 497 | JUST TRYING TO GUESS JOEY'S FINGERS, AND... |
| 498 | AND YOU GUYS ARE OUT |
| 499 | LIKE, PARTYING AND HAVING FUN |
| 500 | AND, YOU KNOW, ALL "HEY, BLOWFISH, SUCK ON MY NECK." |
| 501 | LOOK, DON'T BLAME US. |
| 502 | YOU GUYS COULD HAVE BEEN THERE. |
| 503 | OH, WHAT? |
| 504 | AS PART OF YOUR POOR FRIENDS OUTREACH PROGRAM? |
| 505 | ( beeping ) |
| 506 | GREAT. IT'S WORK. |
| 507 | I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY. |
| 508 | I'M SORRY WE MAKE MORE MONEY THAN YOU |
| 509 | BUT WE'RE NOT GOING TO FEEL GUILTY ABOUT IT. |
| 510 | WE WORK REALLY HARD FOR IT. |
| 511 | AND WE DON'T WORK HARD? |
| 512 | YEAH, HI. IT'S MONICA. |
| 513 | SOMETIMES WE LIKE TO DO STUFF |
| 514 | THAT COSTS A LITTLE MORE. |
| 515 | OH, AND YOU FEEL LIKE WE HOLD YOU BACK? |
| 516 | YES. |
| 517 | ( Rachel gasping ) |
| 518 | NO. |
| 519 | ( all chattering ) |
| 520 | LEON, LEON, WAIT. |
| 521 | SHH, GUYS. |
| 522 | I DON'T UNDERSTAND. |
| 523 | THOSE STEAKS WERE JUST A GIFT FROM THE MEAT VENDOR. |
| 524 | THAT WAS NOT A KICK-BACK. |
| 525 | I MEAN, I'LL JUST REPLACE THEM |
| 526 | AND WE CAN FORGET THE WHOLE THING. |
| 527 | WHAT CORPORATE POLICY? |
| 528 | NO... |
| 529 | YEAH. |
| 530 | OKAY. |
| 531 | I JUST GOT FIRED. |
| 532 | OH! |
| 533 | OH. |
| 534 | WHY? |
| 535 | LET ME GET THAT. |
| 536 | YOU GOT FIVE BUCKS? |
| 537 | ( ringing ) |
| 538 | Joey: Here comes the beep. |
| 539 | You know what to do. |
| 540 | ( beeping ) |
| 541 | Jade: Hi. It's me. |
| 542 | Listen, Bob, I'm... I'm probably way out of line here. |
| 543 | I mean, it has been three years |
| 544 | and you're probably seeing someone else now |
| 545 | but if we could just have one night together |
| 546 | just for old time's sake-- one hot, steamy, wild night. |
| 547 | |
| 1 | WHO DA WENNY-BENNY BOY? |
| 2 | OH, YOU DA WENNY-WENNY- BENNY-BENNY BOY. |
| 3 | YES. |
| 4 | ( crying ) |
| 5 | OH, DON'T CRY. |
| 6 | DON'T CRY. |
| 7 | ( crying ) |
| 8 | WHY IS HE STILL CRYING? |
| 9 | LET ME HOLD HIM FOR A SEC. |
| 10 | THERE WE GO. |
| 11 | HUH? HUH? THERE WE ARE. |
| 12 | MAYBE IT'S ME. |
| 13 | DON'T BE SILLY. BEN LOVES YOU. |
| 14 | HE'S JUST BEING MR. CRANKY-PANTS. |
| 15 | YOU KNOW, I ONCE DATED A MISS CRANKY-PANTS. |
| 16 | LOVELY GIRL, KIND OF MOODY. |
| 17 | THERE WE GO, ALL BETTER. |
| 18 | THERE'S MY LITTLE BOY. |
| 19 | ( crying ) |
| 20 | ( crying louder ) |
| 21 | CAN I... UH... SEE SOMETHING? |
| 22 | ( crying ) |
| 23 | ( crying stops ) |
| 24 | ( crying ) |
| 25 | ( crying stops ) |
| 26 | COOL. |
| 27 | HE HATES ME. |
| 28 | MY NEPHEW HATES ME. |
| 29 | COME ON, DON'T DO THIS. |
| 30 | WHAT IF MY OWN BABY HATES ME? WHAT THEN? |
| 31 | DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG IT'S GOING TO BE |
| 32 | BEFORE YOU ACTUALLY HAVE TO DEAL |
| 33 | WITH THIS PROBLEM? |
| 34 | YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE A BOYFRIEND YET. |
| 35 | JOEY, SHE DOES NOT LOOK FAT. |
| 36 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 37 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 38 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 39 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 40 | ♪ AND IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY ♪ |
| 41 | ♪ YOUR WEEK, YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 42 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 43 | ♪ WHEN THE RAIN STARTS TO FALL ♪ |
| 44 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 45 | ♪ LIKE I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE ♪ |
| 46 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 47 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME TOO. ♪ |
| 48 | OH, HEY, MON. |
| 49 | ( crying ) |
| 50 | GOO! GOO! GOO! |
| 51 | ( crying ) |
| 52 | THAT IS SO FUNNY. |
| 53 | LET ME SEE THAT. |
| 54 | ( gulping ) |
| 55 | UGH... |
| 56 | YOU OKAY, ROSS? |
| 57 | I DON'T KNOW. UGH... |
| 58 | WHAT'S IN THIS PIE? |
| 59 | I DON'T KNOW. |
| 60 | BUTTER AND EGGS AND FLOUR AND LIME AND KIWI... |
| 61 | KIWI? KIWI? |
| 62 | YOU SAID IT WAS A KEY LIME PIE. |
| 63 | NO, I DIDN'T. I SAID KIWI LIME. |
| 64 | THAT'S WHAT MAKES IT SO SPECIAL. |
| 65 | THAT'S WHAT'S GOING TO KILL ME. |
| 66 | I'M ALLERGIC TO KIWI. |
| 67 | NO, YOU'RE NOT. |
| 68 | YOU'RE ALLERGIC TO LOBSTER AND PEANUTS AND... |
| 69 | ( honking grunt ) |
| 70 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 71 | IT'S DEFINITELY GETTING WORSE. |
| 72 | IS YOUR TONGUE SWELLING UP? |
| 73 | EITHER THAT OR MY MOUTH IS GETTING SMALLER. |
| 74 | GET YOUR COAT. |
| 75 | WE'RE GOING TO THE HOSPITAL. |
| 76 | WILL HE BE OKAY? |
| 77 | YEAH, HE NEEDS A SHOT. |
| 78 | YOU KNOW, ACTUALLY, IT'S GETTING BETTER. |
| 79 | IT IS. LET'S NOT GO. |
| 80 | ANYONE UP FOR SCRABBLE? |
| 81 | JACKET NOW! |
| 82 | BUT WHAT ABOUT BEN? |
| 83 | WE CAN'T BRING A BABY TO THE HOTHPITAL. |
| 84 | WE'LL WATCH HIM. |
| 85 | ( grunts ) |
| 86 | I DON'T THINK SO. |
| 87 | WHAT? I HAVE SEVEN CATHOLIC SISTERS. |
| 88 | I'VE TAKEN CARE OF HUNDREDS OF KIDS. |
| 89 | COME ON. |
| 90 | WE WANT TO DO IT, DON'T WE? |
| 91 | I WAS LOOKING FORWARD TO PLAYING BASKETBALL |
| 92 | BUT I GUESS THAT'S OUT THE WINDOW. |
| 93 | IF YOU TAKE HIM FOR HIS WALK, BWING HIS HAT. |
| 94 | THERE'S MILK IN THE FWIDGE AND DIAPERS IN THE BAG. |
| 95 | HAT, MILK, DI... GOT IT. |
| 96 | LET'S GO. |
| 97 | ( speech garbled ) |
| 98 | THRO UP A THRO THRO, A THRO THRO. |
| 99 | CONSIDER IT DONE! |
| 100 | YOU UNDERSTOOD THAT? |
| 101 | YEAH. MY UNCLE SAL HAS A REALLY BIG TONGUE. |
| 102 | IS HE THE ONE WITH THE BEAUTIFUL WIFE? |
| 103 | RACH, WANT TO HEAR THE NEW SONG |
| 104 | I'M THINKING OF SINGING THIS AFTERNOON? |
| 105 | I WROTE IT IN THE SHOWER. |
| 106 | OKAY. |
| 107 | ♪ I'M IN THE SHOWER ♪ |
| 108 | ♪ AND I'M WRITING A SONG ♪ |
| 109 | ♪ STOP ME IF YOU'VE HEARD IT ♪ |
| 110 | ♪ MY SKIN IS SOAPY ♪ |
| 111 | ♪ AND MY HAIR IS WET ♪ |
| 112 | ♪ AND TEGRIN SPELLED BACKWARD ♪ |
| 113 | ♪ IS NIRGET. ♪ |
| 114 | RACHEL, SWEETHEART |
| 115 | COULD I SEE YOU FOR A MINUTE? |
| 116 | WHAT'S UP? |
| 117 | F.Y.I., I'VE DECIDED |
| 118 | TO PAY A PROFESSIONAL MUSICIAN |
| 119 | TO PLAY HERE ON SUNDAY AFTERNOONS. |
| 120 | HER NAME IS STEPHANIE... |
| 121 | SOMETHING. |
| 122 | SHE'S SUPPOSED TO BE VERY GOOD. |
| 123 | BUT WHAT ABOUT PHOEBE? |
| 124 | RACHEL, IT'S NOT THAT YOUR FRIEND IS BAD. |
| 125 | IT'S... IT'S THAT SHE'S SO BAD |
| 126 | SHE MAKES ME WANT TO PUT MY FINGER |
| 127 | THROUGH MY EYE INTO MY BRAIN |
| 128 | AND SWIRL IT AROUND. |
| 129 | OKAY. |
| 130 | OKAY, SO YOU'RE NOT A FAN. |
| 131 | BUT, I MEAN, COME ON. |
| 132 | YOU CANNOT DO THIS TO HER. |
| 133 | UH... |
| 134 | OH, NO, NO, NO. |
| 135 | I HAVE TO DO THIS TO HER? |
| 136 | ♪ LATHER, RINSE, REPEAT ♪ |
| 137 | ♪ AND LATHER, RINSE, REPEAT ♪ |
| 138 | ♪ AND LATHER, RINSE, REPEAT ♪ |
| 139 | ♪ AS NEEDED. ♪ |
| 140 | YOU KNOW, I DON'T THINK WE BROUGHT ENOUGH STUFF. |
| 141 | DID YOU FORGET TO PACK THE BABY'S ANVIL? |
| 142 | IT'S GOING TO BE WORTH IT. |
| 143 | IT'S A KNOWN FACT THAT WOMEN LOVE BABIES. |
| 144 | WOMEN LOVE GUYS WHO LOVE BABIES. |
| 145 | IT'S THE WHOLE SENSITIVE THING. |
| 146 | AIM HIM AT THAT PACK OF BABES. |
| 147 | MAYBE ONE OF THEM WILL BREAK AWAY. |
| 148 | NO, NO, WAIT. FORGET THEM. |
| 149 | WE GOT ONE-- HARD LEFT. |
| 150 | GIVE ME THE BABY. |
| 151 | NO, I'VE GOT HIM. |
| 152 | COME ON, SERIOUSLY. |
| 153 | OH, SERIOUSLY YOU WANT HIM? |
| 154 | HELLO. |
| 155 | HELLO. HELLO. |
| 156 | AND WHO IS THIS LITTLE CUTIE PIE? |
| 157 | WELL, DON'T THINK ME IMMODEST, BUT... |
| 158 | ME? |
| 159 | YOU WANT TO SMELL HIM? |
| 160 | I ASSUME WE'RE TALKING ABOUT THE BABY NOW. |
| 161 | OH, YEAH. |
| 162 | HE'S GOT THAT GREAT BABY SMELL. |
| 163 | GET A WHIFF OF HIS HEAD. |
| 164 | I THINK MY UTERUS JUST SKIPPED A BEAT. |
| 165 | WHAT DID I TELL YOU? |
| 166 | IT'S GREAT YOU'RE DOING THIS. |
| 167 | WELL, WE ARE GREAT GUYS. |
| 168 | MY BROTHER AND HIS BOYFRIEND HAVE BEEN TRYING TO ADOPT. |
| 169 | WHAT AGENCY DID YOU TWO GO THROUGH? |
| 170 | BUT THIS IS MY GIG! |
| 171 | THIS IS WHERE I PLAY. |
| 172 | MY NAME IS WRITTEN OUT THERE IN CHALK. |
| 173 | YOU KNOW, YOU CAN'T JUST ERASE CHALK. |
| 174 | HONEY, I'M SORRY. |
| 175 | AND HE'S GOING TO BE PAYING THIS WOMAN? |
| 176 | WHY DOESN'T HE GIVE HER A THRONE? |
| 177 | AND A CROWN, AND, LIKE A... |
| 178 | YOU KNOW... GOLD STICK WITH A BALL ON TOP? |
| 179 | TERRY IS A JERK. |
| 180 | THAT'S WHY WE'RE ALWAYS SAYING, "TERRY'S A JERK." |
| 181 | THAT'S WHERE THAT CAME FROM. |
| 182 | YEAH, OKAY. |
| 183 | YOU PROBABLY DID EVERYTHING YOU COULD. |
| 184 | OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 185 | LET ME JUST SEE WHAT ELSE I CAN DO. |
| 186 | WHY DON'T YOU JUST LET HER GO ON AFTER |
| 187 | STEPHANIE WHATEVER HER NAME IS. |
| 188 | YOU WON'T BE HERE, YOU DON'T PAY HER. |
| 189 | I DON'T KNOW. |
| 190 | TERRY, I'LL EVEN CLEAN THE CAPPUCCINO MACHINE. |
| 191 | YOU DON'T CLEAN THE CAPPUCCINO MACHINE? |
| 192 | OF COURSE... |
| 193 | I CLEAN IT. |
| 194 | I MEAN, I WILL CLEAN IT. |
| 195 | I WILL CLEAN IT. |
| 196 | OH, ALL RIGHT. |
| 197 | FINE, FINE, FINE. |
| 198 | DONE. |
| 199 | REALLY? |
| 200 | YEAH. WHO'S WORKING FOR YOU, BABE? |
| 201 | OH, MY GOD! |
| 202 | THIS IS SO EXCITING. |
| 203 | HOW MUCH AM I GOING TO GET? |
| 204 | WHAT? |
| 205 | YOU SAID HE'S PAYING THE PEOPLE WHO PLAY. |
| 206 | OH, NO. NO, NO. |
| 207 | HE'S GOING TO BE PAYING THAT OTHER WOMAN |
| 208 | BECAUSE SHE'S A PROFESSIONAL. |
| 209 | I'M NOT GOING TO BE THE ONLY ONE WHO'S NOT GETTING PAID. |
| 210 | BUT, PHEEBS... |
| 211 | NO, UH-UH, I'M SORRY. |
| 212 | NO, I'M NOT SOME, LIKE, SLOPPY SECOND |
| 213 | YOU KNOW, CHARITY BAND. |
| 214 | THERE ARE THOUSANDS OF PLACES IN THIS CITY |
| 215 | WHERE PEOPLE WOULD BE HAPPY TO PAY TO HEAR ME PLAY. |
| 216 | Phoebe: ♪ WHEN I PLAY, I PLAY FOR ME ♪ |
| 217 | ♪ I DON'T NEED YOUR CHARITY ♪ |
| 218 | THANK YOU. |
| 219 | ♪ LA-LA-LA-LA LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA ♪ |
| 220 | ♪ LA-LA-LA-LA LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA. ♪ |
| 221 | THERE'S NO WAY I'M GOING TO GET A SHOT. |
| 222 | MAYBE THEY CAN TAKE THE NEEDLE |
| 223 | AND THQUIRT IT INTO MY MOUTH LIKE A THQUIRT GUN. |
| 224 | HELLO THERE. |
| 225 | I'M DR. KARLEN. |
| 226 | I SEE SOMEONE'S HAVING A LITTLE ALLERGIC REACTION. |
| 227 | YES. |
| 228 | DOCTOR, CAN I SEE YOU FOR JUST A MOMENT, PLEASE? |
| 229 | MY BROTHER HAS |
| 230 | A SLIGHT PHOBIA ABOUT NEEDLES. |
| 231 | DID YOU TELL HIM ABOUT MY THQUIRT GUN IDEA? |
| 232 | MY BROTHER, THE Ph.D. |
| 233 | WOULD LIKE TO KNOW IF THERE'S ANY WAY TO TREAT THIS ORALLY. |
| 234 | NO. UNDER THESE CIRCUMSTANCES |
| 235 | IT HAS TO BE AN INJECTION AND IT HAS TO BE NOW. |
| 236 | THO? |
| 237 | OHHH! |
| 238 | THAT'S GOOD. HAVE A SEAT. |
| 239 | DOCTOR SAYS IT'S GOT TO BE A NEEDLE. |
| 240 | YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO BE BRAVE, OKAY? |
| 241 | CAN YOU DO THAT FOR ME? |
| 242 | OKAY. |
| 243 | OKAY. OH, BOY! |
| 244 | YOU ARE DOING SO GOOD. |
| 245 | YOU WANT TO SQUEEZE MY HAND? |
| 246 | YES. |
| 247 | DON'T SQUEEZE IT SO HARD. |
| 248 | REALLY, DON'T SQUEEZE IT SO HARD. |
| 249 | OW! LET GO OF MY HAND! |
| 250 | THAT'S A GOOD PLAN. |
| 251 | NEXT TIME WE WANT TO PICK UP WOMEN |
| 252 | WE'LL JUST GO TO THE PARK AND MAKE OUT. |
| 253 | TAXI! TAXI! |
| 254 | LOOK AT THAT TALENT. |
| 255 | JUST PRACTICING. |
| 256 | YOU'RE GOOD. CARRY ON. |
| 257 | COME ON. |
| 258 | HEY, YOU. |
| 259 | HE'S JUST ADORABLE. |
| 260 | CAN YOU TELL HIM THAT? |
| 261 | BECAUSE HE THINKS HE LOOKS TOO PINK. |
| 262 | SO WHAT ARE YOU GUYS OUT DOING TODAY? |
| 263 | OH, WE'RE NOT OUT. NO, NO. |
| 264 | Joey: WE'RE JUST |
| 265 | TWO HETEROSEXUAL GUYS HANGING WITH THE SON |
| 266 | OF OUR OTHER HETEROSEXUAL FRIEND |
| 267 | DOING THE USUAL "STRAIGHT GUY" STUFF. |
| 268 | YOU DONE? |
| 269 | YEAH. |
| 270 | THERE'S OUR STOP. |
| 271 | GET OUT OF HERE. |
| 272 | THIS IS OUR STOP. |
| 273 | YOU GUYS LIVE AROUND HERE, TOO? |
| 274 | YEAH. WE LIVE IN THE BUILDING BY THE... |
| 275 | SIDEWALK. |
| 276 | YOU KNOW IT? |
| 277 | LOOK, SINCE WE'RE NEIGHBORS AND ALL |
| 278 | WHAT DO YOU SAY |
| 279 | WE GET TOGETHER FOR A DRINK? |
| 280 | SO, DO YOU WANT TO GO TO MARKEL'S? |
| 281 | OH, SURE. THEY LOVE US OVER THERE. |
| 282 | HEY, WHERE'S YOUR BABY? |
| 283 | BEN! |
| 284 | BEN! |
| 285 | BEN! |
| 286 | BEN! BEN! |
| 287 | OH, THAT'S GOOD! |
| 288 | MAYBE HE'LL HEAR YOU AND PULL THE CORD! |
| 289 | STOP THE BUS! |
| 290 | WAIT! WAIT! WAIT! |
| 291 | WAIT, WAIT! WAIT! |
| 292 | ( gasping ) |
| 293 | ARE SURE HE DIDN'T BREAK IT? |
| 294 | IT REALLY HURTS. |
| 295 | NO, IT'S JUST A GOOD BONE BRUISE |
| 296 | AND... |
| 297 | RIGHT HERE |
| 298 | IS THE PUNCTURE WOUND FROM YOUR RING. |
| 299 | OH, I'M SORRY. I'M REALLY SORRY. |
| 300 | THAT'S OKAY. |
| 301 | SORRY. SORRY! |
| 302 | HEY! HEY, I GOT MY S's BACK! |
| 303 | ( chuckles ) |
| 304 | WHICH WE CAN CELEBRATE LATER. |
| 305 | CELEBRATE. |
| 306 | CELE... |
| 307 | ♪ HE WAS A DOUBLE-DOUBLE ♪ |
| 308 | ♪ DOUBLE-JOINTED BOY. ♪ |
| 309 | HEY. SO, UM... |
| 310 | ARE YOU THE PROFESSIONAL GUITAR PLAYER? |
| 311 | YEAH. I'M STEPHANIE. |
| 312 | OH. RIGHT, YEAH. |
| 313 | MY NAME WAS ON THERE |
| 314 | BUT NOW IT JUST SAYS "CARROT CAKE." |
| 315 | OKAY. |
| 316 | SO, UM, SO, UM, HOW MANY CHORDS DO YOU KNOW? |
| 317 | ALL OF THEM. |
| 318 | OH, YEAH? SO YOU KNOW "D"? |
| 319 | YEAH. |
| 320 | OKAY, DO YOU KNOW "A" MINOR? |
| 321 | YEAH. |
| 322 | OKAY. DO YOU KNOW HOW TO GO FROM "D" TO "A" MINOR? |
| 323 | ( snorts ) |
| 324 | YEAH. |
| 325 | OKAY. |
| 326 | UM, SO DOES YOUR GUITAR HAVE A STRAP? |
| 327 | NO. |
| 328 | OH. MINE DOES. |
| 329 | BYE. |
| 330 | OKAY... |
| 331 | ♪ STEPHANIE KNOWS ALL THE CHORDS ♪ |
| 332 | COME ON, PICK UP! PICK UP! |
| 333 | PICK UP! PICK UP! HELLO... |
| 334 | TRANSIT AUTHORITY? |
| 335 | YES, HELLO. |
| 336 | I'M DOING RESEARCH FOR A BOOK |
| 337 | AND I WAS WONDERING WHAT SOMEBODY MIGHT DO |
| 338 | IF THEY LEFT A BABY ON A CITY BUS. |
| 339 | YES, I DO REALIZE THAT'D BE A VERY STUPID CHARACTER. |
| 340 | HI. HERE'S THE DEAL. |
| 341 | WE LOST A CAR SEAT ON A BUS TODAY. |
| 342 | IT'S WHITE WITH A HANDLE AND IT FITS ON A STROLLER. |
| 343 | OH, AND THERE WAS A BABY IN IT. |
| 344 | HE WANTS TO TALK TO YOU AGAIN. |
| 345 | OKAY, EVERYBODY, LET'S GIVE A WARM CENTRAL PERK WELCOME TO... |
| 346 | Phoebe: ♪ TERRY'S A JERK ♪ |
| 347 | ♪ AND HE WON'T LET ME WORK ♪ |
| 348 | ♪ AND I HATE CENTRAL PERK ♪ |
| 349 | ( clears throat ) |
| 350 | UH, TO STEPHANIE SCHIFFER. |
| 351 | THANK YOU. |
| 352 | THANK YOU. |
| 353 | I'D LIKE TO START WITH A SONG |
| 354 | THAT I WROTE FOR THE FIRST MAN I EVER LOVED. |
| 355 | ♪ ZACHARY ♪ |
| 356 | Phoebe: ♪ YOU'RE ALL INVITED TO BITE ME! ♪ |
| 357 | HI! HI! |
| 358 | WE'RE THE GUYS THAT CALLED ABOUT THE BABY! WE LOST THE BABY! |
| 359 | Both: IS HE HERE? |
| 360 | HE'S HERE. |
| 361 | ( both gasping ) |
| 362 | I'M ASSUMING ONE OF YOU IS THE FATHER. |
| 363 | THAT'S ME. I'M HIM. |
| 364 | ACTUALLY, UH... |
| 365 | WE'RE BOTH THE FATHER. |
| 366 | OH, BEN! HEY, BEN! |
| 367 | HEY, BUDDY. HEY, BABY. |
| 368 | HI... |
| 369 | ( gurgling ) |
| 370 | ( gurgling ) |
| 371 | PLEASE TELL ME YOU KNOW WHICH ONE IS OUR BABY. |
| 372 | WELL, WELL, THAT ONE HAS DUCKS ON HIS T-SHIRT |
| 373 | AND THIS ONE HAS CLOWNS |
| 374 | AND BEN WAS DEFINITELY WEARING DUCKS. |
| 375 | OKAY... |
| 376 | OR CLOWNS. |
| 377 | OH! OH, WAIT! |
| 378 | THAT ONE'S DEFINITELY BEN. |
| 379 | HE HAD THAT CUTE LITTLE MOLE BY HIS MOUTH. |
| 380 | YEAH? |
| 381 | YEAH. |
| 382 | HEY, BEN, REMEMBER US? |
| 383 | OKAY, THE MOLE CAME OFF. |
| 384 | AHH... |
| 385 | WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO? |
| 386 | WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO? |
| 387 | WE'LL FLIP FOR IT-- DUCKS OR CLOWNS. |
| 388 | WE'RE GOING TO FLIP FOR THE BABY?! |
| 389 | YOU GOT A BETTER IDEA? |
| 390 | CALL IT IN THE AIR. |
| 391 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 392 | HEADS. |
| 393 | HEADS IT IS. |
| 394 | YES! |
| 395 | PHEW! |
| 396 | WE HAVE TO ASSIGN HEADS TO SOMETHING! |
| 397 | OH! RIGHT! |
| 398 | OKAY. OKAY, UH... |
| 399 | DUCKS IS HEADS BECAUSE DUCKS HAVE HEADS. |
| 400 | WHAT KIND OF SCARY-ASS CLOWNS CAME TO YOUR BIRTHDAY? |
| 401 | ♪ JUST CALL ME ANGEL OF THE MORNING ♪ |
| 402 | ♪ ANGEL ♪ |
| 403 | ♪ JUST TOUCH MY CHEEK BEFORE YOU LEAVE ME ♪ |
| 404 | ♪ OH, BABY ♪ |
| 405 | ♪ JUST CALL ME ANGEL OF THE MORNING ♪ |
| 406 | ♪ ANGEL ♪ |
| 407 | ♪ THEN SLOWLY TURN AWAY ♪ |
| 408 | ♪ I WON'T BEG YOU TO STAY ♪ |
| 409 | ♪ WITH ME ♪ |
| 410 | HI. |
| 411 | OH, HI. |
| 412 | HERE. I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT BE COLD. |
| 413 | THANK YOU. |
| 414 | MM. MM. |
| 415 | WHOA, LOOK AT YOU. YOU DID PRETTY WELL. |
| 416 | $8.27. |
| 417 | BUT NOT REALLY, 'CAUSE I PUT IN THE FIRST TWO. |
| 418 | JUST TO, YOU KNOW, GET THE BALL ROLLING |
| 419 | AND TO MAKE MYSELF FEEL BETTER. |
| 420 | DO YOU? |
| 421 | NO. |
| 422 | YOU KNOW, THIS WHOLE, LIKE, PLAYING-FOR-MONEY THING |
| 423 | IS SO NOT GOOD FOR ME. |
| 424 | YOU KNOW, I DON'T KNOW, WHEN I SANG "SU-SU-SUICIDE" |
| 425 | I GOT LIKE, I GOT $1.75. |
| 426 | BUT THEN "SMELLY CAT"? |
| 427 | I GOT 25 CENTS AND A CONDOM. |
| 428 | SO, YOU KNOW, NOW |
| 429 | I JUST FEEL REALLY BAD FOR "SMELLY CAT." |
| 430 | WELL, YOU KNOW, HONEY |
| 431 | I DON'T THINK EVERYBODY GETS "SMELLY CAT." |
| 432 | YOU KNOW, I MEAN, IF ALL YOU'VE EVER ACTUALLY HAD |
| 433 | ARE HEALTHY PETS, THEN WOOSH! |
| 434 | BUT IT'S NOT EVEN THAT, YOU KNOW? |
| 435 | I USED TO DO MY SONGS 'CAUSE IT MADE ME HAPPY. |
| 436 | NOW IT'S LIKE, IT'S JUST ALL ABOUT THE MONEY, YOU KNOW? |
| 437 | WELL, PEOPLE MISSED YOU IN THERE. |
| 438 | AND IN FACT, THERE WAS ACTUALLY A REQUEST FOR "SMELLY CAT." |
| 439 | REALLY?! FROM WHO? |
| 440 | WELL, ME. |
| 441 | AND I KNOW IT'S NOT, YOU KNOW |
| 442 | YOUR BIG MONEY SONG, BUT IT'S MY FAVORITE. |
| 443 | OH... |
| 444 | OH! |
| 445 | HI. DID I ACCIDENTALLY DROP A CONDOM IN YOUR CASE? |
| 446 | UH... |
| 447 | IT'S KIND OF AN EMERGENCY. |
| 448 | YEAH. HERE YOU GO. |
| 449 | HEY, THANKS A LOT. |
| 450 | HEY, CHRISTINE, I GOT IT! |
| 451 | I WANT TO THANK YOU FOR BEING THERE FOR ME TODAY. |
| 452 | I'M SORRY I ALMOST BROKE YOUR HAND. |
| 453 | OH, THAT'S OKAY. |
| 454 | I'M SORRY I POISONED YOU. |
| 455 | HEY, REMEMBER THE TIME I JAMMED THAT PENCIL INTO YOUR HAND? |
| 456 | REMEMBER IT? |
| 457 | WHAT DO YOU THINK THIS IS-- A FRECKLE? |
| 458 | WHAT ABOUT THE TIME |
| 459 | I HIT YOU IN THE FACE WITH THE SYLVIANS' PUMPKIN? |
| 460 | REMEMBER WHEN I STUCK THAT BROOM |
| 461 | IN YOUR BIKE SPOKES AND YOU FLIPPED |
| 462 | AND HIT YOUR HEAD ON THE CURB? |
| 463 | NO. |
| 464 | BUT I REMEMBER PEOPLE TELLING ME ABOUT IT. |
| 465 | OH. |
| 466 | WELL, BEN HAS A LITTLE SISTER. |
| 467 | YEAH. |
| 468 | I HOPE SHE CAN KICK HIS ASS. |
| 469 | ( chuckles ) |
| 470 | I'M GOING TO GET A NEW BAND-AID. |
| 471 | HOW ABOUT THE TIME I CUT THE LEGS OFF YOUR MALIBU KEN? |
| 472 | THAT WAS YOU?! |
| 473 | UH... THEY WERE INFECTED. THEY WOULDN'T HAVE MADE IT. |
| 474 | AW, MY LITTLE NEPHEW. |
| 475 | COME HERE, LITTLE ONE. |
| 476 | AW, THERE'S MY LITTLE BABY. |
| 477 | HEY, MY LITTLE BOY. |
| 478 | OHH... |
| 479 | ( kissing ) |
| 480 | HEY! HE'S NOT CRYING. |
| 481 | ( gasping ) |
| 482 | HEY, HE'S NOT CRYING. |
| 483 | ( chuckles ) |
| 484 | ( crying ) |
| 485 | YES! |
| 486 | THERE'S STILL PIE! |
| 487 | ( chuckles ) |
| 488 | OH, I'M HERE. |
| 489 | I'M HERE. |
| 490 | HOW'S MY LITTLE BOY, HUH? HUH? |
| 491 | YOU WANT DADDY TO CHANGE YOUR DIAPER? |
| 492 | HMM? I KNOW. I KNOW. |
| 493 | SO, DID YOU HAVE FUN |
| 494 | WITH UNCLE JOEY AND UNCLE CHANDLER TODAY? |
| 495 | OH, YEAH. |
| 496 | HE RODE THE BUS TODAY. |
| 497 | OH... WELL... |
| 498 | BIG BOY, RIDING THE BU... |
| 499 | HEY, I HAVE A QUESTION. |
| 500 | HOW COME IT SAYS "PROPERTY OF HUMAN SERVICES" ON HIS BUTT? |
| 501 | ( chuckles ) |
| 502 | YOU... |
| 503 | ( chuckles ) |
| 504 | YOU ARE GOING TO LOVE THIS! |
| 505 | CAN YOU HOLD BEN FOR A SEC? |
| 506 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 507 | COME HERE. COME HERE. |
| 508 | STAY BACK! I'VE GOT KIWI! |
| 509 | RUN, JOEY, RUN! |
| 510 | ♪ SMELLY CAT, SMELLY CAT ♪ |
| 511 | ♪ WHAT ARE THEY FEEDING YOU? ♪ |
| 512 | NO, NO, NO. I'M SORRY, IT'S |
| 513 | ♪ SMELLY CAT, SMELLY CAT ♪ |
| 514 | ♪ SMELLY CAT, SMELLY CAT ♪ |
| 515 | BETTER. MUCH BETTER. GOOD. |
| 516 | AND YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 517 | DON'T FEEL BAD, 'CAUSE IT'S A HARD SONG. |
| 518 | YEAH. |
| 519 | DO YOU WANT TO TRY IT AGAIN? |
| 520 | YEAH. FROM THE TOP? |
| 521 | THERE IS NO TOP. |
| 522 | ALL RIGHT? |
| 523 | THAT'S THE BEAUTY OF "SMELLY CAT." |
| 524 | OH. |
| 525 | UM... |
| 526 | WHY DON'T YOU JUST FOLLOW ME? |
| 527 | OKAY. |
| 528 | ♪ SMELLY CAT, SMELLY CAT ♪ |
| 529 | ♪ WHAT ARE THEY FEEDING YOU? ♪ |
| 530 | ♪ SMELLY CAT, SMELLY CAT ♪ |
| 531 | ♪ IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT ♪ |
| 532 | ( guitar flourish ) |
| 533 | THAT'S TOO MUCH. SORRY. |
| 534 | [Captioned by The Caption Center WGBH Educational Foundation] |
| 535 | |
| 1 | WHAT IS IT ABOUT ME? |
| 2 | DO I NOT LOOK FUN ENOUGH? |
| 3 | IS THERE SOMETHING... REPELLENT ABOUT ME? |
| 4 | SO, HOW WAS THE PARTY? |
| 5 | IT COULDN'T HAVE BEEN WORSE. |
| 6 | A WOMAN LITERALLY PASSED THROUGH ME. |
| 7 | SO, WHAT IS IT? |
| 8 | AM I HIDEOUSLY UNATTRACTIVE? |
| 9 | NO, YOU ARE NOT. |
| 10 | YOU ARE VERY ATTRACTIVE. |
| 11 | I GO THROUGH THE SAME THING. |
| 12 | EVERY TIME I PUT ON A LITTLE WEIGHT |
| 13 | I START QUESTIONING EVERYTHING. |
| 14 | WHOA, WHOA. |
| 15 | I'VE... I'VE PUT ON A LITTLE WEIGHT? |
| 16 | DID YOU WANT TO... |
| 17 | YEAH. |
| 18 | NO, NOT "WEIGHT." |
| 19 | YOU KNOW, MORE LIKE "INSULATION." |
| 20 | I'M UNEMPLOYED AND IN DIRE NEED OF A PROJECT. |
| 21 | YOU WANT TO WORK OUT? |
| 22 | I CAN REMAKE YOU. |
| 23 | I WOULD, BUT THAT MIGHT GET IN THE WAY |
| 24 | OF MY LYING AROUND TIME. |
| 25 | PLEASE. |
| 26 | COME ON. LET HER DO IT. |
| 27 | OKAY, BUT IF WE PUT ON SPANDEX |
| 28 | AND MY BOOBS ARE BIGGER THAN YOURS |
| 29 | I'M GOING HOME. |
| 30 | YOUR BOOBS ARE FINE. |
| 31 | I NEVER SHOULD HAVE SAID ANYTHING. |
| 32 | COME HERE. COME HERE. |
| 33 | OH... CAN'T... MAKE... HANDS... MEET. |
| 34 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 35 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 36 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 37 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 38 | ♪ AND IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY, YOUR WEEK ♪ |
| 39 | ♪ YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 40 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 41 | ♪ WHEN THE RAIN STARTS TO FALL ♪ |
| 42 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 43 | ♪ LIKE I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE ♪ |
| 44 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 45 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME TOO. ♪ |
| 46 | OKAY, LET'S DO IT. |
| 47 | WHAT? |
| 48 | NOTHING. JUST NEVER SEEN YOU IN LITTLE STRETCHY PANTS BEFORE. |
| 49 | AND WE'RE CHANGING. |
| 50 | GO! GO! GO! GO! |
| 51 | ( groans ) |
| 52 | COME ON, GIVE ME FIVE MORE. |
| 53 | FIVE MORE! |
| 54 | NO! |
| 55 | FIVE MORE AND I'LL FLASH YOU. |
| 56 | ONE! |
| 57 | TWO! |
| 58 | TWO AND A HALF! |
| 59 | OKAY, JUST SHOW ME ONE OF THEM. |
| 60 | OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! |
| 61 | OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! |
| 62 | OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! |
| 63 | SHE'S INSANE. |
| 64 | THE WOMAN IS INSANE. |
| 65 | IT'S BEFORE WORK. IT'S AFTER WORK. |
| 66 | IT'S DURING WORK. |
| 67 | SHE'S GOT ME DOING BUTT CLENCHES AT MY DESK. |
| 68 | THEY WON'T BRING ME MY MAIL ANYMORE. |
| 69 | PHEEBS, HOW DID IT GO |
| 70 | WITH SCOTT LAST NIGHT? |
| 71 | IT WAS NICE. |
| 72 | TOOK HIM TO A ROMANTIC RESTAURANT. |
| 73 | ORDERED CHAMPAGNE. NICE. |
| 74 | THE GUY STILL WON'T PUT OUT? |
| 75 | NOPE, ZILCH, NOTHIN', HUH-UH. |
| 76 | SORRY, PHEEBS. SORRY, PHEEBS. |
| 77 | LOOK, I DON'T MIND TAKING IT SLOW. |
| 78 | I LIKE HIM A LOT. |
| 79 | HE'S REALLY INTERESTING AND HE'S REALLY SWEET. |
| 80 | WHY WON'T HE GIVE IT UP? |
| 81 | MAYBE HE DRIVES HIS CAR |
| 82 | ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE ROAD |
| 83 | IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. |
| 84 | NO, WHAT DO YOU MEAN? |
| 85 | HE'S NOT BRITISH. |
| 86 | MAYBE HE'S GAY. |
| 87 | OH. |
| 88 | NO, I DON'T THINK THAT'S THE PROBLEM. |
| 89 | 'CAUSE WE WENT DANCING THE OTHER NIGHT |
| 90 | AND JUST THE WAY HE HELD ME SO CLOSE |
| 91 | AND THE WAY HE WAS LOOKING INTO MY EYES |
| 92 | I JUST... I DEFINITELY FELT SOMETHING. |
| 93 | BUT HOW MUCH CAN YOU TELL FROM A LOOK? |
| 94 | NO, I FELT IT ON MY HIP. |
| 95 | YO, BING! |
| 96 | RACQUETBALL IN 20 MINUTES. |
| 97 | JOEY, BE A PAL. |
| 98 | LIFT UP MY HAND AND SMACK HER WITH IT. |
| 99 | OH, RACHEL, DON'T LOOK. |
| 100 | WHAT? |
| 101 | COME ON, YOU GUYS, I DON'T CARE. |
| 102 | I HAVE A DATE TONIGHT. |
| 103 | WHOA! YOU HAVE A DATE? |
| 104 | YEAH. MONICA SET ME UP. |
| 105 | WHAT ABOUT ROSS AND... |
| 106 | WHAT, MY WHOLE INSANE JEALOUSY THING? |
| 107 | WELL, YOU KNOW, AS MUCH FUN AS THAT WAS |
| 108 | I'VE DECIDED TO OPT FOR SANITY. |
| 109 | YOU'RE REALLY OKAY ABOUT ALL THIS? |
| 110 | OH, YEAH. COME ON. I'M MOVING ON. |
| 111 | HE CAN PRESS HER UP AGAINST THAT WINDOW |
| 112 | AS MUCH AS HE WANTS. |
| 113 | FOR ALL I CARE |
| 114 | HE CAN THROW HER THROUGH THE DAMN THING. |
| 115 | HI, GUYS. |
| 116 | MONICA, I FIGURED I'D COME BY TOMORROW MORNING |
| 117 | AND PICK UP FLUFFY'S OLD CAT TOYS, OKAY? |
| 118 | ONLY IF YOU SAY HIS FULL NAME. |
| 119 | CAN I COME OVER TOMORROW |
| 120 | AND PICK UP FLUFFY MEOWINGTON'S CAT TOYS? |
| 121 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 122 | YOU'RE GETTING A CAT? |
| 123 | ACTUALLY, WE'RE GETTING A CAT. |
| 124 | TOGETHER? |
| 125 | UH-HUH. |
| 126 | BOTH OF YOU? |
| 127 | TOGETHER? |
| 128 | IT'LL LIVE HALF THE TIME WITH EACH OF US. |
| 129 | OH, WELL, ISN'T THAT JUST LOVELY? |
| 130 | THAT'S SOMETHING |
| 131 | THE TWO OF YOU WILL BE ABLE TO ENJOY |
| 132 | FOR A REALLY, REALLY |
| 133 | REALLY, REALLY, REALLY LONG TIME. |
| 134 | HOPEFULLY. |
| 135 | WHOA! LOOK AT THAT! |
| 136 | I GOT A DATE. |
| 137 | WITH A MAN. |
| 138 | OKAY. |
| 139 | YOU GUYS HAVE A REALLY GOOD NIGHT. |
| 140 | AND YOU TWO HAVE A... UH... |
| 141 | HAVE A REALLY GOOD CAT. |
| 142 | WE'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO TAKE THESE WHEN WE LEAVE. |
| 143 | I DON'T KNOW IF MONICA TOLD YOU |
| 144 | BUT THIS IS THE FIRST DATE I'VE GONE ON |
| 145 | SINCE MY DIVORCE. |
| 146 | SO, IF I SEEM A LITTLE NERVOUS. |
| 147 | I AM. |
| 148 | HOW LONG DO CATS LIVE? |
| 149 | I'M SORRY? |
| 150 | CATS. HOW LONG DO THEY LIVE? |
| 151 | FIGURING YOU DON'T THROW THEM UNDER A BUS OR SOMETHING. |
| 152 | UM... MAYBE 15, 16 YEARS. |
| 153 | WELL, THAT'S JUST GREAT. |
| 154 | CHEERS! |
| 155 | RIGHT. |
| 156 | CLINK. |
| 157 | MONICA TOLD YOU I WAS CUTER THAN THIS, DIDN'T SHE? |
| 158 | OH, NO, MICHAEL. |
| 159 | IT'S NOT YOU. |
| 160 | I'M SORRY. |
| 161 | IT'S THIS THING. |
| 162 | IT'S PROBABLY NOT AS BAD AS IT SOUNDS |
| 163 | BUT THIS FRIEND OF MINE IS GETTING A CAT |
| 164 | WITH HIS GIRLFRIEND. |
| 165 | OH. THAT DOES SOUND... |
| 166 | HUH. |
| 167 | I MEAN, HE JUST STARTED GOING OUT WITH HER. |
| 168 | IS THIS GUY AN OLD BOYFRIEND? |
| 169 | HA! HA! HA! HA! |
| 170 | YEAH, HE WISHES. |
| 171 | OH, I'M SORRY. |
| 172 | LOOK AT ME. |
| 173 | OKAY, MICHAEL, LET'S TALK ABOUT YOU. |
| 174 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 175 | OKAY. |
| 176 | SO... |
| 177 | YOU EVER GET A PET WITH A GIRLFRIEND? |
| 178 | SO, I FIGURED IT OUT. |
| 179 | WHAT? |
| 180 | WHY SCOTT DOESN'T WANT TO SLEEP WITH ME. |
| 181 | IT'S 'CAUSE I'M NOT SEXY ENOUGH. |
| 182 | OH, PHOEBE, THAT'S CRAZY. |
| 183 | WHEN I FIRST MET YOU |
| 184 | YOU KNOW WHAT I SAID TO CHANDLER? |
| 185 | I SAID, "EXCELLENT BUTT, GREAT RACK." |
| 186 | REALLY? |
| 187 | THAT'S SO SWEET. |
| 188 | I MEAN, I'M OFFICIALLY OFFENDED |
| 189 | BUT IT'S SO SWEET. |
| 190 | PHEEBS, LOOK. |
| 191 | IF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT THE DEAL IS |
| 192 | YOU'LL HAVE TO ASK HIM. |
| 193 | YOU'RE RIGHT. |
| 194 | YOU'RE RIGHT. |
| 195 | YOU ARE SO "YUM." |
| 196 | I MEAN, IT'S A CAT. |
| 197 | YOU KNOW? |
| 198 | IT'S A CAT. |
| 199 | WHY CAN'T THEY GET ONE OF THOSE BUGS? |
| 200 | ONE OF THOSE FRUIT FLIES. |
| 201 | THOSE THINGS THAT LIVE FOR A DAY. |
| 202 | WHAT ARE THEY CALLED? |
| 203 | FRUIT FLIES? |
| 204 | YES! |
| 205 | THANK YOU. |
| 206 | WOULD YOU LIKE ANY DESSERT? |
| 207 | NO! |
| 208 | NO DESSERT. |
| 209 | JUST THE CHECK... PLEASE. |
| 210 | OH, NO. |
| 211 | YOU'RE NOT HAVING FUN, ARE YOU? |
| 212 | NO, NO, I AM. |
| 213 | BUT ONLY BECAUSE, FOR THE LAST HOUR AND A HALF |
| 214 | I'VE BEEN PLAYING THE MOVIE DINER IN MY HEAD. |
| 215 | OH, LOOK AT ME. |
| 216 | LOOK AT ME. |
| 217 | I'M ON A DATE WITH A REALLY GREAT GUY |
| 218 | AND ALL I CAN THINK ABOUT IS ROSS |
| 219 | AND HIS CAT |
| 220 | AND HIS JULIE. |
| 221 | I JUST WANT TO GET OVER HIM. |
| 222 | GOD, WHY CAN'T I DO THAT? |
| 223 | OY! |
| 224 | I'VE BEEN THROUGH A DIVORCE. |
| 225 | TRUST ME, YOU'RE GOING TO BE FINE. |
| 226 | YOU JUST CAN'T SEE IT NOW |
| 227 | BECAUSE YOU HAVEN'T HAD ANY CLOSURE. |
| 228 | OH! |
| 229 | CLOSURE. |
| 230 | THAT'S WHAT IT IS. |
| 231 | THAT'S WHAT I NEED. |
| 232 | GOD, YOU'RE BRILLIANT! |
| 233 | WHY DIDN'T I... HOW DO I GET THAT? |
| 234 | WELL, THERE'S NO ONE WAY, REALLY. |
| 235 | IT'S JUST, YOU KNOW |
| 236 | WHATEVER IT TAKES SO YOU CAN FINALLY SAY TO HIM |
| 237 | "I'M OVER YOU." |
| 238 | "I'M OVER YOU." |
| 239 | THAT'S WHAT IT IS. |
| 240 | CLOSURE. |
| 241 | OH. HELLO. |
| 242 | EXCUSE ME. |
| 243 | EXCUSE ME. |
| 244 | WHOA! |
| 245 | HANG ON. |
| 246 | WHAT? |
| 247 | I NEED TO BORROW YOUR PHONE |
| 248 | FOR JUST ONE MINUTE. |
| 249 | I'M TALKING. |
| 250 | I CAN SEE THAT. |
| 251 | JUST ONE PHONE CALL. |
| 252 | I'LL BE VERY QUICK. |
| 253 | I'LL EVEN PAY FOR IT MYSELF. |
| 254 | YOU'RE BEING A LITTLE WEIRD ABOUT YOUR PHONE. |
| 255 | Man: ALL RIGHT. FINE. |
| 256 | I'LL CALL YOU BACK. |
| 257 | THANK YOU. |
| 258 | OKAY. |
| 259 | MACHINE. |
| 260 | JUST WAITING FOR THE BEEP. |
| 261 | GOOD. |
| 262 | ROSS, HI. |
| 263 | IT'S RACHEL. |
| 264 | I'M JUST CALLING TO SAY THAT... UM... |
| 265 | EVERYTHING'S FINE. |
| 266 | AND I'M REALLY HAPPY FOR YOU |
| 267 | AND YOUR CAT. |
| 268 | WHO, BY THE WAY |
| 269 | I THINK YOU SHOULD NAME MICHAEL. |
| 270 | AND, YOU KNOW, YOU SEE THERE |
| 271 | I'M THINKING OF NAMES |
| 272 | SO, OBVIOUSLY, I AM OVER YOU. |
| 273 | I... AM OVER... |
| 274 | YOU. |
| 275 | AND THAT, MY FRIEND |
| 276 | IS WHAT THEY CALL "CLOSURE." |
| 277 | NO, NO, NO, NO, NO |
| 278 | NO, NO! |
| 279 | MONICA, IT'S SUNDAY MORNING. |
| 280 | I'M NOT RUNNING ON A SUNDAY. |
| 281 | WHY NOT? |
| 282 | BECAUSE IT'S SUNDAY! |
| 283 | IT'S GOD'S DAY. |
| 284 | HEY, YOU SAY STOP AND WE STOP. |
| 285 | ( chuckles ): OKAY! |
| 286 | STOP. |
| 287 | NO! COME ON! WE CAN'T STOP! |
| 288 | COME ON! WE GOT THREE MORE POUNDS TO GO! |
| 289 | I AM THE ENERGY TRAIN AND YOU ARE ON BOARD. |
| 290 | ( imitating train ): WOO-WOO! |
| 291 | WOO-WOO! |
| 292 | WOO-WOO! |
| 293 | WOO. |
| 294 | ( knocking on door ) |
| 295 | HEY, RACH. |
| 296 | ( moans softly ) |
| 297 | OH. AND HOW WAS THE DATE? |
| 298 | UM, I THINK THERE WAS A RESTAURANT. |
| 299 | I KNOW THERE WAS WINE. |
| 300 | WOW, WELL, UH... |
| 301 | ACTUALLY, JULIE'S DOWNSTAIRS GETTING A CAB |
| 302 | I JUST NEED |
| 303 | THE CAT TOYS. |
| 304 | DID MONICA SAY.... |
| 305 | WHAT, WHY... WHY ARE YOU LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT? |
| 306 | I'M SO... I DON'T KNOW. |
| 307 | I... I FEEL LIKE I HAD A DREAM ABOUT YOU LAST NIGHT. |
| 308 | BUT... I DON'T REMEMBER. |
| 309 | OKAY. |
| 310 | OH, OH, OH. |
| 311 | ( clears throat ) |
| 312 | DID WE SPEAK ON THE PHONE LAST NIGHT? |
| 313 | DID YOU CALL ME? |
| 314 | NO. I STAYED AT JULIE'S LAST NIGHT. |
| 315 | HUH. |
| 316 | ACTUALLY, I HAVEN'T EVEN BEEN HOME YET. |
| 317 | DO YOU MIND IF I CHECK MY MESSAGES? |
| 318 | OH, YEAH. GO AHEAD. |
| 319 | RACH, I GOT A MESSAGE FROM YOU. |
| 320 | WHO'S MICHAEL? |
| 321 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 322 | OH, MY GOD, ROSS, NO. |
| 323 | HANG UP THE PHONE! |
| 324 | GIVE ME THE PHONE, ROSS! |
| 325 | GIVE ME THE PHONE! |
| 326 | GIVE ME THE PHONE! |
| 327 | GIVE ME THE..! |
| 328 | YOU'RE OVER ME? |
| 329 | OH, GOD! |
| 330 | WHA? YOU'RE UH... |
| 331 | YOU'RE... YOU'RE OVER ME? |
| 332 | ( moaning ) |
| 333 | ( softly ): OH, MY GOD. |
| 334 | OH! |
| 335 | WHEN... WHEN WERE YOU... |
| 336 | UNDER ME? |
| 337 | ( moaning ): OH, GOD... |
| 338 | RACH? |
| 339 | RACHEL, DO YOU... |
| 340 | I MEAN, WERE YOU, UH... |
| 341 | WHAT? |
| 342 | OKAY, OKAY. |
| 343 | WELL... |
| 344 | BASICALLY, LATELY I'VE, UH... |
| 345 | ( clears throat ) |
| 346 | I'VE, UH, SORT OF HAD FEELINGS FOR YOU. |
| 347 | ( sighs ) |
| 348 | YOU'VE... HAD FEELINGS FOR ME. |
| 349 | YEAH? SO? YOU HAD FEELINGS FOR ME FIRST. |
| 350 | WHOA! |
| 351 | YOU KNOW ABOUT MY... |
| 352 | I MEAN, YOU KNOW I HAD... |
| 353 | YOU KNOW? YOU... |
| 354 | CHANDLER TOLD ME. |
| 355 | CHANDLER. WHEN DID HE, WHEN DID HE, WHEN DID HE? |
| 356 | WHEN YOU WERE IN CHINA. |
| 357 | CHINA. |
| 358 | MEETING JULIE. |
| 359 | JULIE. JULIE. |
| 360 | THAT'S... OH, GOD. |
| 361 | JULIE, JULIE. |
| 362 | RIGHT. OKAY, I NEED TO LIE DOWN. |
| 363 | NO, YOU KNOW, I'M GOING TO STAND. |
| 364 | I'M GOING TO STAND |
| 365 | AND I'M GOING TO WALK. |
| 366 | I'M WALKING AND... I AM STANDING. |
| 367 | OKAY, SO YOU, UH... |
| 368 | AND NOW, WHAT... AND NOW, NOW |
| 369 | NOW YOU'RE OVER ME? |
| 370 | ARE YOU OVER ME? |
| 371 | ( buzzer buzzes ) |
| 372 | THAT'S... THAT'S JULIE. |
| 373 | THAT'S JU... JULIE. |
| 374 | JULIE! |
| 375 | HI, JULIE! |
| 376 | Hi, honey. I've got a cab waiting. |
| 377 | I'LL BE RIGHT DOWN. |
| 378 | WAIT, SO, YOU'RE GOING? |
| 379 | WELL, OKAY. I HAVE TO. |
| 380 | I CAN'T DEAL WITH THIS RIGHT NOW. |
| 381 | I MEAN, I'VE UH... YOU KNOW, I'VE GOT A CAB. |
| 382 | I'VE GOT A GIRLFRIEND. |
| 383 | I'M GOING TO GO GET A CAT. |
| 384 | OKAY, OKAY. |
| 385 | CAT. |
| 386 | ( singing in Hebrew ) |
| 387 | ( playing solo ) |
| 388 | WHY ARE YOU WATCHING A RABBI PLAYING ELECTRIC GUITAR? |
| 389 | I CAN'T FIND THE REMOTE. |
| 390 | OH. THANK YOU. |
| 391 | SO SCOTT ASKED ME |
| 392 | TO COME OVER FOR LUNCH TODAY AND I DID. |
| 393 | AND..? |
| 394 | AND WE DID. |
| 395 | ALL RIGHT, PHEEBS! |
| 396 | WAY TO GO! |
| 397 | YAY ME. |
| 398 | SO... SO HOW DID IT HAPPEN? |
| 399 | I FINALLY TOOK YOUR ADVICE |
| 400 | AND ASKED HIM WHAT WAS GOING ON |
| 401 | AND WHAT DID HE SAY? |
| 402 | HE SAID THAT HE UNDERSTANDS |
| 403 | HOW SEX CAN BE A VERY EMOTIONAL THING FOR A WOMAN |
| 404 | AND HE WAS JUST AFRAID THAT I WAS GOING TO GET |
| 405 | ALL "IS-HE-GOING-TO-CALL-ME THE-NEXT-DAY?" |
| 406 | AND, YOU KNOW, "WHERE-IS-THIS-GOING?" |
| 407 | AND BLAH-BLAH-BLAH, SO HE SAID |
| 408 | HE WANTED TO HOLD OFF |
| 409 | UNTIL HE WAS PREPARED TO BE REALLY SERIOUS. |
| 410 | WOW. |
| 411 | YEAH. SO I SAID, "OKAY, RELAX, PLEASE." |
| 412 | YOU KNOW? |
| 413 | I MEAN |
| 414 | SEX CAN BE JUST ABOUT TWO PEOPLE RIGHT THERE |
| 415 | IN THE MOMENT, YOU KNOW. |
| 416 | IF HE WANTS TO SEE ME AGAIN, HE CAN CALL |
| 417 | AND IF NOT, THAT'S FINE TOO. |
| 418 | SO AFTER A LOT OF TALKING... |
| 419 | I CONVINCED HIM. |
| 420 | LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT: |
| 421 | HE GOT YOU TO BEG TO SLEEP WITH HIM. |
| 422 | HE GOT YOU TO SAY HE NEVER HAS TO CALL YOU AGAIN |
| 423 | AND |
| 424 | HE GOT YOU THINKING THIS IS A GREAT IDEA? |
| 425 | UH-HUH. |
| 426 | THIS MAN IS MY GOD. |
| 427 | GOOD NIGHT, GUNTHER. |
| 428 | HI. |
| 429 | I DIDN'T GET A CAT. |
| 430 | OH, THAT'S, UM... |
| 431 | INTERESTING. |
| 432 | NO. NO, IT'S NOT INTERESTING, OKAY? |
| 433 | IT'S VERY, VERY NOT INTERESTING. |
| 434 | IT'S ACTUALLY 100% COMPLETELY |
| 435 | THE OPPOSITE OF INTERESTING. |
| 436 | I GOT IT, ROSS. |
| 437 | YOU HAD NO RIGHT TO TELL ME YOU HAD FEELINGS FOR ME. |
| 438 | WHAT?! |
| 439 | I WAS DOING GREAT WITH JULIE |
| 440 | BEFORE I FOUND OUT. |
| 441 | HEY, I WAS DOING GREAT BEFORE I FOUND OUT. |
| 442 | YOU THINK IT'S EASY FOR ME TO SEE YOU WITH JULIE? |
| 443 | YOU SHOULD HAVE SAID SOMETHING BEFORE I MET HER! |
| 444 | I DIDN'T KNOW THEN! |
| 445 | HOW COME YOU NEVER SAID ANYTHING TO ME? |
| 446 | THERE WAS NEVER A GOOD TIME. |
| 447 | RIGHT! YOU ONLY HAD A YEAR. |
| 448 | WE ONLY HUNG OUT EVERY NIGHT. |
| 449 | NOT... NOT... |
| 450 | NOT... EVERY NIGHT. |
| 451 | YOU KNOW |
| 452 | AND IT'S NOT |
| 453 | LIKE I DIDN'T TRY, RACHEL |
| 454 | BUT THINGS GOT IN THE WAY |
| 455 | YOU KNOW, LIKE ITALIAN GUYS OR EX-FIANCEES |
| 456 | OR, OR, OR... ITALIAN GUYS. |
| 457 | HEY-- THERE WAS ONE ITALIAN GUY, OKAY? |
| 458 | AND DO YOU EVEN HAVE A POINT? |
| 459 | THE POINT IS I... I DON'T NEED THIS RIGHT NOW, OKAY? |
| 460 | IT'S TOO LATE. |
| 461 | I'M WITH SOMEBODY ELSE. I'M HAPPY. |
| 462 | THIS SHIP HAS SAILED. |
| 463 | YOU'RE GOING TO JUST PUT AWAY FEELINGS |
| 464 | OR WHATEVER YOU FELT? |
| 465 | HEY, I'VE BEEN DOING IT SINCE THE NINTH GRADE. |
| 466 | FINE. YOU DO THAT |
| 467 | ALL RIGHT, ROSS? |
| 468 | I DON'T NEED YOUR STUPID SHIP! |
| 469 | GOOD. |
| 470 | GOOD. |
| 471 | AND YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 472 | NOW I GOT CLOSURE! |
| 473 | OH! |
| 474 | ( sobbing softly ) |
| 475 | TRY THE BOTTOM ONE. |
| 476 | MONICA, IT'S 6:30 IN THE MORNING. |
| 477 | WE'RE NOT WORKING OUT. |
| 478 | IT'S OVER. |
| 479 | NO WAY! WITH ONE POUND TO GO? COME ON! |
| 480 | ♪ WE'RE WORKING ♪ |
| 481 | ♪ WE'RE MOVING ♪ |
| 482 | ♪ WE'RE IN THE ZONE, WE'RE GROOVING. ♪ |
| 483 | OKAY, I DON'T MIND THE LAST POUND, OKAY? |
| 484 | IN FACT, I KIND OF LIKE THE LAST POUND. |
| 485 | OKAY? |
| 486 | SO DON'T MAKE ME DO ANYTHING |
| 487 | THAT I'LL REGRET. |
| 488 | OH! WHAT YOU GOING TO DO, FAT BOY? |
| 489 | HUH? |
| 490 | WHAT? |
| 491 | NOTHING. EXCEPT TELL YOU I THINK IT'S WONDERFUL |
| 492 | HOW MUCH ENERGY YOU HAVE. |
| 493 | WELL! THANKS. |
| 494 | I MEAN |
| 495 | ESPECIALLY CONSIDERING |
| 496 | HOW TOUGH IT'S BEEN FOR YOU TO FIND WORK. |
| 497 | WELL, YOU KNOW, YOU... |
| 498 | YOU KNOW, I MEAN |
| 499 | YOU CAN'T TELL YOUR PARENTS YOU WERE FIRED |
| 500 | BECAUSE THEY'D BE DISAPPOINTED. |
| 501 | UH-HUH. |
| 502 | AND IT'S NOT AS IF YOU HAVE |
| 503 | A BOYFRIEND'S SHOULDER TO CRY ON. |
| 504 | WELL, NO, BUT, UH... |
| 505 | I MEAN, IF IT WERE ME |
| 506 | I THINK I'D HAVE DIFFICULTY |
| 507 | JUST GETTING OUT OF BED AT ALL. |
| 508 | YOU KNOW, I TRY TO STAY POSITIVE. |
| 509 | SO, YOU... |
| 510 | YOU FEEL LIKE GOING FOR A RUN? |
| 511 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 512 | BECAUSE, YOU KNOW, YOU DON'T HAVE TO. |
| 513 | IF YOU WANT, YOU COULD JUST TAKE A NAP RIGHT HERE. |
| 514 | OKAY. |
| 515 | JUST FOR A LITTLE WHILE. |
| 516 | OKAY. |
| 517 | |
| 1 | ROSS KISSED ME. |
| 2 | NO! |
| 3 | OH, MY GOD, OH, MY GOD, OH, MY GOD! |
| 4 | IT WAS UNBELIEVABLE. |
| 5 | OH, MY GOD, OH, MY GOD, OH, MY GOD! |
| 6 | OKAY, ALL RIGHT. WE WANT TO HEAR EVERYTHING. |
| 7 | MONICA, GET THE WINE AND UNPLUG THE PHONE. |
| 8 | RACHEL, DOES THIS END WELL |
| 9 | OR DO WE NEED TO GET TISSUES? |
| 10 | OH, IT ENDED VERY WELL. |
| 11 | OH... |
| 12 | DO NOT START WITHOUT ME. |
| 13 | DO NOT START WITHOUT ME! |
| 14 | OKAY, ALL RIGHT. |
| 15 | LET'S HEAR ABOUT THE KISS. |
| 16 | WAS IT LIKE A SOFT BRUSH AGAINST YOUR LIPS |
| 17 | OR WAS IT LIKE A... |
| 18 | "I GOT TO HAVE YOU NOW" THING? |
| 19 | WELL, AT FIRST, IT WAS REALLY INTENSE, YOU KNOW |
| 20 | AND THEN... OH, GOD. |
| 21 | AND THEN WE JUST SORT OF SUNK INTO IT. |
| 22 | SO, WAS HE HOLDING YOU |
| 23 | OR WAS HIS HANDS, LIKE, ON YOUR BACK? |
| 24 | NO, ACTUALLY, FIRST THEY STARTED ON MY WAIST |
| 25 | AND THEN, THEY SLID UP, AND THEN, THEY WERE IN MY HAIR. |
| 26 | OH. |
| 27 | AND, UH... AND THEN I KISSED HER. |
| 28 | TONGUE? YEAH. |
| 29 | COOL. |
| 30 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 31 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 32 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 33 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 34 | ♪ WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY ♪ |
| 35 | ♪ YOUR WEEK, YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 36 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 37 | ♪ WHEN THE RAIN STARTS TO POUR ♪ |
| 38 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 39 | ♪ LIKE I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE ♪ |
| 40 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 41 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME TOO. ♪ |
| 42 | ALL RIGHT, CHECK OUT THIS BAD BOY. |
| 43 | 12 MEGABYTES OF RAM. |
| 44 | 500 MEGABYTE HARD DRIVE. |
| 45 | BUILT-IN SPREADSHEET CAPABILITIES |
| 46 | AND A MODEM THAT TRANSMITS AT OVER 28,000 B.P.S. |
| 47 | WOW. WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO USE IT FOR? |
| 48 | GAMES AND STUFF. |
| 49 | THERE ARE NO JOBS. |
| 50 | THERE ARE NO JOBS FOR ME. |
| 51 | WAIT, HERE'S ONE. |
| 52 | UH... WOULD YOU BE WILLING TO COOK NAKED? |
| 53 | THERE'S AN AD FOR A NAKED CHEF? |
| 54 | NO, BUT IF YOU'RE WILLING TO COOK NAKED |
| 55 | THEN YOU MIGHT BE WILLING TO DANCE NAKED |
| 56 | AND THEN... |
| 57 | HI. HEY. OH, SO, UH... |
| 58 | HOW'D YOU MAKE OUT LAST NIGHT? |
| 59 | THAT-THAT IS FUNNY. |
| 60 | THAT IS PAINFULLY FUNNY. |
| 61 | NO, WAIT. WAIT. |
| 62 | YEAH, THAT'S JUST PAINFUL. |
| 63 | WAIT A MINUTE. I THOUGHT LAST NIGHT WAS GREAT. |
| 64 | YEAH, IT WAS, BUT... |
| 65 | I GET HOME, OKAY? |
| 66 | AND I SEE JULIE'S |
| 67 | SALINE SOLUTION ON MY NIGHT TABLE |
| 68 | AND I'M THINKING TO MYSELF "OH, MY GOD, WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING?" |
| 69 | HERE I AM, I'M WITH JULIE, THIS INCREDIBLE, GREAT WOMAN |
| 70 | WHO I CARE ABOUT AND WHO CARES ABOUT ME |
| 71 | AND I'M, LIKE, WHAT, AM I JUST GOING TO THROW ALL THAT AWAY? |
| 72 | YOU GOT ALL THAT FROM SALINE SOLUTION? |
| 73 | WAIT A MINUTE. WE'RE TALKING ABOUT RACHEL, YOU AND RACHEL. |
| 74 | BELIEVE ME, I'VE BEEN DREAMING ABOUT ME AND RACHEL |
| 75 | FOR, LIKE, TEN YEARS NOW, BUT NOW, I'M WITH JULIE |
| 76 | SO IT'S LIKE, ME AND JULIE, ME AND RACHEL, ME AND JULIE. |
| 77 | ME AND RACH... |
| 78 | RACHEL, RACHEL. HEY, YOU. |
| 79 | HOW ARE YOU? |
| 80 | GOOD. HOW ARE YOU? |
| 81 | GOOD. GOOD. |
| 82 | HI, HONEY. HI, JULIE. HI... JULIE. JULIE. |
| 83 | UM... HOW ARE YOU? |
| 84 | GOOD. GOOD. |
| 85 | SO EVERYBODY'S HERE. |
| 86 | EVERYBODY'S GOOD. |
| 87 | SO, WERE YOU GOING TO PLAY SOMETHING, PHOEBE? |
| 88 | OH. WELL, ACTUALLY... |
| 89 | PLAY IT. |
| 90 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 91 | HEY JULIE, I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WORE LENSES. |
| 92 | WHAT? SHH. |
| 93 | Phoebe: OKAY, UM... HI. |
| 94 | HELLO. HI. OKAY. |
| 95 | SO, UM... |
| 96 | THIS IS A SONG, UM... ABOUT A LOVE TRIANGLE |
| 97 | BETWEEN THREE PEOPLE THAT I MADE UP. |
| 98 | UM... IT'S CALLED "TWO OF THEM KISSED LAST NIGHT." |
| 99 | ♪ THERE WAS A GIRL ♪ |
| 100 | ♪ WE'LL CALL HER BETTY ♪ |
| 101 | ♪ AND A GUY, LET'S CALL HIM NEAL ♪ |
| 102 | ♪ NOW... ♪ |
| 103 | ♪ I CAN'T STRESS THIS POINT TOO STRONGLY ♪ |
| 104 | ♪ THIS STORY ISN'T REAL... ♪ |
| 105 | ♪ AND NOW OUR NEAL MUST DECIDE ♪ |
| 106 | ♪ WHO WILL BE THE GIRL THAT HE CASTS ASIDE ♪ |
| 107 | ♪ WILL BETTY BE THE ONE WHO HE LOVES TRULY ♪ |
| 108 | ♪ OR WILL IT BE THE ONE WHO WE'LL CALL... LOOLIE? ♪ |
| 109 | ♪ HE MUST DECIDE ♪ |
| 110 | ♪ HE MUST DECIDE ♪ |
| 111 | ♪ EVEN THOUGH I MADE HIM UP ♪ |
| 112 | ♪ HE MUST DECIDE... ♪ |
| 113 | WELL, THIS IS A NICE RESUME. |
| 114 | NICE, NICE, NICE. |
| 115 | MUY IMPRESSIVO. |
| 116 | SO, MR. RASTATTER, WHAT EXACTLY DOES THIS JOB ENTAIL? |
| 117 | THE AD WASN'T TOO CLEAR. |
| 118 | MOCKOLATE. |
| 119 | I'M SORRY? MOCKOLATE. |
| 120 | IT'S A COMPLETELY SYNTHETIC CHOCOLATE SUBSTITUTE. |
| 121 | OOH. YEAH? |
| 122 | WELL, GO AHEAD. TRY A PIECE. |
| 123 | YEAH, WE THINK MOCKOLATE IS EVEN BETTER THAN CHOCOLATE. |
| 124 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 125 | MMM-MMM. |
| 126 | YEAH? |
| 127 | I LOVE HOW IT CRUMBLES. |
| 128 | NOW SEE, CHOCOLATE DOESN'T DO THAT. NO, MA'AM. |
| 129 | WELL, ANYHOO, WE SHOULD BE GETTING OUR F.D.A. APPROVAL ANY DAY NOW. |
| 130 | HOPEFULLY, IN TIME FOR THANKSGIVING. |
| 131 | SEE, THE WAY WE LOOK AT IT, CHOCOLATE ALREADY DOMINATES |
| 132 | MOST OF YOUR MAJOR FOOD PREPARATION HOLIDAYS-- |
| 133 | EASTER, CHRISTMAS, WHAT HAVE YOU. MM-HMM. |
| 134 | BUT... WE'RE THINKING, GIVEN THE RIGHT MARKETING |
| 135 | WE CAN MAKE THANKSGIVING THE MOCKOLATE HOLIDAY. |
| 136 | WOW. |
| 137 | AREN'T YOU GOING TO SWALLOW THAT? |
| 138 | JUST WAITING FOR IT TO STOP BUBBLING. |
| 139 | YEAH. ISN'T THAT GREAT? |
| 140 | MM. |
| 141 | WELL, ANYHOO, UH... WE'RE LOOKING FOR A COUPLE OF CHEFS |
| 142 | WHO CAN CREATE SOME THANKSGIVING-THEMED RECIPES. |
| 143 | YOU THINK YOU MIGHT BE INTERESTED? |
| 144 | ABSO... |
| 145 | ( swallows ) |
| 146 | ...LUTELY. |
| 147 | ( chuckling ) |
| 148 | SEE, I LOVE CREATING NEW RECIPES. |
| 149 | I LOVE THANKSGIVING, AND, WELL, NOW... |
| 150 | I LOVE MOCKOLATE. |
| 151 | REALLY? |
| 152 | ESPECIALLY THAT AFTERTASTE. |
| 153 | THAT'LL LAST YOU TILL CHRISTMAS. |
| 154 | ( laughing ) |
| 155 | HOW ABOUT MOCKOLATE MOUSSE? |
| 156 | IT'S NOT... IT'S NOT VERY THANKSGIVING-Y. |
| 157 | OKAY. HOW ABOUT PILGRIM MOCKOLATE MOUSSE? |
| 158 | WHAT MAKES IT PILGRIM? |
| 159 | WE'LL PUT BUCKLES ON IT. |
| 160 | HEY. HEY. |
| 161 | DID, UH... ROSS CALL? |
| 162 | NO, I'M SORRY. |
| 163 | WHY DIDN'T HE CALL? |
| 164 | HE'S GOING TO STAY WITH JULIE, ISN'T HE? |
| 165 | HE'S GOING TO STAY WITH HER AND SHE'S GOING TO BE ALL |
| 166 | "HI. I'M JULIE. "ROSS PICKED ME |
| 167 | "AND WE'RE GOING TO GET MARRIED AND HAVE LOTS OF KIDS, AND DIG UP STUFF TOGETHER." |
| 168 | NO OFFENSE, BUT THAT SOUNDS NOTHING LIKE HER. |
| 169 | I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M GOING TO DO. WHAT AM I GOING TO DO? |
| 170 | THIS IS LIKE A COMPLETE NIGHTMARE. |
| 171 | OH, I KNOW, THIS MUST BE SO HARD. |
| 172 | "OH, NO. TWO WOMEN LOVE ME." |
| 173 | "THEY'RE BOTH GORGEOUS AND SEXY." |
| 174 | "MY WALLET'S TOO SMALL FOR MY FIFTIES |
| 175 | AND MY DIAMOND SHOES ARE TOO TIGHT." |
| 176 | HERE'S A THOUGHT, ROSS-- DON'T TOUCH THE COMPUTER. |
| 177 | DON'T EVER TOUCH THE COMPUTER. |
| 178 | ROSS, LISTEN. |
| 179 | I GOT TWO WORDS FOR YOU. |
| 180 | THREESOME. |
| 181 | OKAY, LET'S GET LOGICAL ABOUT THIS. OKAY, WE'LL MAKE A LIST. |
| 182 | RACHEL AND JULIE, PROS AND CONS. OH. |
| 183 | WE'LL PUT THEIR NAMES IN BOLD WITH DIFFERENT FONTS |
| 184 | AND I CAN USE DIFFERENT COLORS FOR EACH COLUMN. |
| 185 | CAN'T WE JUST USE A PEN? |
| 186 | NO, AMISH BOY. |
| 187 | ALL RIGHT, LET'S, UH... LET'S START WITH THE CONS, 'CAUSE THEY'RE MORE FUN. |
| 188 | RACHEL FIRST. |
| 189 | I DON'T KNOW. |
| 190 | I MEAN... ALL RIGHT, I GUESS YOU CAN SAY SHE'S... |
| 191 | SHE'S A LITTLE SPOILED SOMETIMES. |
| 192 | YOU COULD SAY THAT. |
| 193 | I GUESS, YOU KNOW SOMETIMES, SHE'S A LITTLE DITZY |
| 194 | AND I'VE SEEN HER BE A LITTLE TOO INTO HER LOOKS. |
| 195 | OH, AND LIKE, JULIE AND I, WE HAVE A LOT IN COMMON |
| 196 | 'CAUSE WE'RE BOTH PALEONTOLOGISTS, RIGHT? |
| 197 | BUT RACHEL'S JUST A WAITRESS. |
| 198 | WAITRESS. |
| 199 | GOT IT. YOU GUYS WANT TO PLAY DOOM? |
| 200 | OR WE COULD KEEP DOING THIS. |
| 201 | WHAT ELSE? |
| 202 | I DON'T KNOW. |
| 203 | OH, HER ANKLES ARE A LITTLE CHUBBY. |
| 204 | ( typing ) |
| 205 | OKAY. LET'S DO JULIE. |
| 206 | WHAT'S WRONG WITH HER? |
| 207 | SHE'S NOT RACHEL. |
| 208 | THIS IS PUMPKIN PIE WITH A MOCKOLATE COOKIE CRUMB CRUST. |
| 209 | THIS IS MOCKOLATE CRANBERRY CAKE, AND THESE ARE |
| 210 | MOCKOLATE CHIP COOKIES, JUST LIKE THE INDIANS SERVED. |
| 211 | OH, MY GOD! "OH, MY GOD" GOOD? |
| 212 | OH, MY GOD, I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU LET ME PUT THIS IN MY MOUTH. |
| 213 | OH! OH! SWEET LORD! |
| 214 | THIS IS WHAT EVIL MUST TASTE LIKE. |
| 215 | I'M TELLING YOU, THIS THING WON'T PRINT. |
| 216 | YES, I PRESSED THAT BUTTON, LIKE, A HUNDRED TIMES. |
| 217 | YOU KNOW, FOR A HOT LINE, YOU'RE NOT SO HOT. |
| 218 | WHAT... WHAT IS THAT IN THE BACKGROUND? |
| 219 | ARE YOU WATCHING STAR TREK?! |
| 220 | HEY. SO HOW'D IT GO WITH JULIE? |
| 221 | DID YOU-- DID YOU BREAK HER HEART? |
| 222 | YES. |
| 223 | IT WAS HORRIBLE. |
| 224 | SHE CRIED, I CRIED. |
| 225 | SHE THREW THINGS, THEY HIT ME. |
| 226 | HMM. |
| 227 | ANYWAY... |
| 228 | I DID THE RIGHT THING. |
| 229 | SO, SPOCK ACTUALLY HUGS HIS FATHER? |
| 230 | HEY, DO YOU GUYS HAVE..? |
| 231 | HI. HI. |
| 232 | WHERE YOU GOING? |
| 233 | I, UH, I JUST GOT BACK |
| 234 | FROM, UH... FROM JULIE'S. |
| 235 | OH. NO, NO, UH... IT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK. |
| 236 | IT'S... UM, IT'S THE OTHER THING. |
| 237 | WELL... WHAT'S THE OTHER THING? WHAT DO I THINK? |
| 238 | WELL, UH... |
| 239 | HE BROKE UP WITH JULIE. |
| 240 | WELL, GO HUG HER, FOR GOD'S SAKES. |
| 241 | REALLY? REALLY. |
| 242 | IT'S ALWAYS BEEN YOU, RACH. |
| 243 | OH, GOD... |
| 244 | OH... OH... |
| 245 | OH... |
| 246 | OH, THIS IS GOOD, THIS IS REALLY GOOD. |
| 247 | I KNOW, I KNOW. |
| 248 | IT'S... IT'S ALMOST... |
| 249 | WHAT DO YOU SAY WE GO TAKE A WALK-- JUST US, NOT THEM? |
| 250 | OKAY. LET ME GET MY COAT. |
| 251 | NO-- HEY! I'LL GET YOUR COAT. |
| 252 | OKAY. |
| 253 | HE'S GOING TO GET MY COAT. |
| 254 | HE'S GOING TO GET MY COAT! |
| 255 | OH, MY GOD, YOU GUYS, I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS! |
| 256 | THIS IS UNBELIEVABLE! |
| 257 | WHAT'S THAT? WHAT?! NOTHING! |
| 258 | WHAT IS THAT? I SAW MY NAME. WHAT IS IT? |
| 259 | NO, NO. SEE? SEE? |
| 260 | HEY, IT'S PRINTING. |
| 261 | HEY, IT'S PRINTING! |
| 262 | WELL, WHAT IS IT? LET ME SEE. |
| 263 | HEY, SOMEONE ORDER A COAT? |
| 264 | ROSS, CHANDLER WROTE SOMETHING ABOUT ME ON HIS COMPUTER |
| 265 | AND HE WON'T LET ME SEE. |
| 266 | HE WON'T... HE WON'T? HE... |
| 267 | BECAUSE ISN'T THAT, ISN'T THAT THE... THE SHORT STORY YOU WERE WRITING? |
| 268 | YES, YES, IT IS THE SHORT STORY... |
| 269 | THAT I WAS WRITING. |
| 270 | AND I'M IN IT? WELL, LET ME READ IT! |
| 271 | ( all ) NO. COME ON! |
| 272 | HEY, UH, WHY DON'T YOU READ IT TO HER? |
| 273 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 274 | ( slowly ): "IT WAS SUMMER. |
| 275 | "AND IT WAS HOT. |
| 276 | RACHEL WAS THERE." HUH? |
| 277 | "A LONELY GRAY COUCH. |
| 278 | "'OH, LOOK,' CRIED NED. |
| 279 | AND THEN THE KINGDOM WAS HIS FOREVER. THE END." |
| 280 | THAT'S IT? THAT'S ALL YOU WROTE? |
| 281 | YOU'RE THE WORST WRITER IN THE WHOLE WORLD! |
| 282 | ALL RIGHT, YOU KNOW WHAT? THIS ISN'T FUNNY ANYMORE. |
| 283 | THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT ME ON THAT PIECE OF PAPER |
| 284 | AND I WANT TO SEE IT. |
| 285 | NO, YOU DON'T. |
| 286 | ALL RIGHT, YOU KNOW WHAT? FINE. |
| 287 | IF YOU GUYS WANT TO BE CHILDREN ABOUT THIS, THAT'S FINE. |
| 288 | I DO NOT NEED... TO SEE IT! |
| 289 | ( guys yelling ) |
| 290 | GO, GO, GO! |
| 291 | OOH! |
| 292 | WHAT IS THIS? |
| 293 | THAT IS... THAT'S, THAT'S... UH... |
| 294 | ROSS, WHAT IS THIS? |
| 295 | THANK YOU. |
| 296 | GOOD LUCK. |
| 297 | OKAY... JUST REMEMBER HOW CRAZY I AM ABOUT YOU, OKAY? |
| 298 | "KIND OF DITZY"? |
| 299 | "TOO INTO HER LOOKS"? |
| 300 | "SPOILED"? NOW, THAT'S "A LITTLE SPOILED." |
| 301 | HE WAS SUPPOSED TO TYPE "LITTLE", THE IDIOT. |
| 302 | "JUST A WAITRESS"? |
| 303 | NOW, THAT... THAT WAS, UH... |
| 304 | I MEAN, AS OPPOSED TO, UH... |
| 305 | THE, UH... OKAY, IS THIS OVER YET? RACH? |
| 306 | OH! I DO NOT HAVE CHUBBY ANKLES. |
| 307 | NO, I... NO, NO, RACH! |
| 308 | OKAY, LOOK AT THE OTHER SIDE. |
| 309 | LOOK AT JULIE'S COLUMN. |
| 310 | "SHE'S NOT RACHEM"? |
| 311 | NO... WHAT THE HELL'S A RACHEM? |
| 312 | IS THAT SOME STUPID PALEONTOLOGY WORD THAT I WOULDN'T KNOW |
| 313 | BECAUSE I'M JUST A WAITRESS? |
| 314 | RACH, COME ON! RACH... |
| 315 | RACH! RACH! NO, NO, NO! |
| 316 | IT'S "SHE'S NOT RACHEL." |
| 317 | SHE'S... SHE'S NOT... |
| 318 | RA... |
| 319 | RACHEL? |
| 320 | MY DIARY... MY DIARY-- THAT'S BRILLIANT! I SHOULD HAVE TOLD HER IT WAS MY DIARY! |
| 321 | SHE NEVER WOULD HAVE MADE ME READ HER MY DIARY! |
| 322 | NO, THAT'S TRUE. YOU'D BE A GREAT PERSON TO HAVE AROUND |
| 323 | THE DAY AFTER AN EMERGENCY. |
| 324 | I CANNOT BELIEVE ROSS EVEN MADE THIS LIST. |
| 325 | I KNOW. WHAT A DINKUS. |
| 326 | HEY, CUT HIM SOME SLACK. |
| 327 | IT WAS CHANDLER'S IDEA. |
| 328 | WHAT?! WHAT?! |
| 329 | OH, GOOD, I WAS HOPING THAT WOULD COME UP. |
| 330 | THIS WAS YOUR IDEA? WHAT WERE YOU THINKING? |
| 331 | LET'S GET SOME PERSPECTIVE HERE, OKAY? |
| 332 | THESE THINGS, THEY HAPPEN FOR A REASON. |
| 333 | YEAH-- YOU! |
| 334 | ALL RIGHT, PHEEBS, BACK ME UP HERE, OKAY? |
| 335 | YOU BELIEVE IN THAT KARMA CRAP, DON'T YOU? |
| 336 | YEAH. BY THE WAY, GOOD LUCK IN YOUR NEXT LIFE |
| 337 | AS A DUNG BEETLE. |
| 338 | ( sighs ) |
| 339 | RACH-- WHOOPS! |
| 340 | RACH! |
| 341 | HEY! OPEN UP! PLEASE? |
| 342 | WHEN SOMEBODY DOES NOT BUZZ YOU IN, ROSS, THAT MEANS "GO AWAY." |
| 343 | THAT DOESN'T MEAN "PLEASE CLIMB UP THE FIRE ESCAPE." |
| 344 | I JUST WANT TO READ YOU SOMETHING-- YOUR "PRO" LIST. |
| 345 | NOT INTERESTED. |
| 346 | OKAY. "NUMBER ONE: |
| 347 | "THE WAY YOU CRY AT GAME SHOWS. |
| 348 | "NUMBER TWO: HOW MUCH YOU LOVE YOUR FRIENDS. |
| 349 | "NUMBER THREE: THE WAY YOU PLAY WITH YOUR HAIR "WHEN YOU'RE NERVOUS. |
| 350 | "NUMBER FOUR: HOW BRAVE YOU ARE |
| 351 | "FOR STARTING YOUR LIFE OVER. |
| 352 | "NUMBER FIVE: "HOW GREAT YOU ARE WITH BEN. |
| 353 | "NUMBER SIX: |
| 354 | THE WAY YOU SMELL." |
| 355 | HEY, ROSS. WHAT ARE YOU DOING? |
| 356 | HEY, JOEY, YOU WANT TO OPEN THE WINDOW? |
| 357 | WHAT ARE YOU DOING OUT THERE? |
| 358 | I... I'M, UM... |
| 359 | OH, MY GOSH, YOU MUST BE FREEZING! YOU KNOW WHAT YOU NEED? |
| 360 | HOW ABOUT A NICE, STEAMING CUP OF HOT MOCKOLATE? |
| 361 | RACH, COME ON, OPEN UP. |
| 362 | RACH, COME ON. YOU GOT TO GIVE ME ANOTHER CHANCE. |
| 363 | NO. NO? |
| 364 | THAT'S WHAT I SAID. LOOK, MAYBE WE SHOULD GO. |
| 365 | NO, YOU GUYS, YOU REALLY DON'T HAVE TO GO. WE'RE DONE TALKING. |
| 366 | I KNOW HOW YOU MUST... |
| 367 | NO, YOU DON'T, ROSS. |
| 368 | IMAGINE |
| 369 | THE WORST THINGS YOU'D THINK ABOUT YOURSELF. |
| 370 | NOW, HOW WOULD YOU FEEL IF THE ONE PERSON YOU TRUSTED THE MOST IN THE WORLD |
| 371 | NOT ONLY THINKS THEM TOO |
| 372 | BUT ACTUALLY USES THEM AS REASONS NOT TO BE WITH YOU. |
| 373 | NO, BUT, BUT... |
| 374 | SEE, I WANT TO BE WITH YOU IN SPITE OF ALL THOSE THINGS. |
| 375 | OH! WELL, THAT'S... THAT'S MIGHTY BIG OF YOU, ROSS. |
| 376 | I SAID, DON'T GO! |
| 377 | YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU KNOW WHAT? IF THINGS WERE THE OTHER WAY AROUND |
| 378 | THERE WAS NOTHING YOU COULD PUT ON A LIST |
| 379 | THAT WOULD EVER MAKE ME NOT WANT TO BE WITH YOU. |
| 380 | WELL... THEN I GUESS THAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN US. |
| 381 | SEE, I'D NEVER MAKE A LIST. |
| 382 | I NEVER KNOW HOW LONG YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO WAIT |
| 383 | IN THIS TYPE OF SITUATION BEFORE YOU CAN TALK AGAIN |
| 384 | YOU KNOW? |
| 385 | MAYBE A LITTLE LONGER. |
| 386 | NOW, IN SOME OF THESE RECIPES |
| 387 | THE QUANTITIES MAY SEEM JUST A LITTLE UNUSUAL. |
| 388 | LIKE THESE COCONUT-MOCKOLATE HOLIDAY NUT BARS? |
| 389 | I'VE INDICATED FOUR CUPS OF COCONUT, FOUR CUPS OF CRUSHED NUT |
| 390 | AND ONLY, UH, ONE TABLESPOON OF MOCKOLATE. |
| 391 | DOESN'T MATTER. WHAT? |
| 392 | OUR F.D.A. APPROVAL DIDN'T COME THROUGH. |
| 393 | SOMETHING ABOUT LABORATORY RATS. |
| 394 | OH, GOSH, I'M SORRY. |
| 395 | YEAH... HELL, ANYHOO, HERE'S YOUR CHECK |
| 396 | AND THANK YOU FOR ALL THE TROUBLE YOU WENT THROUGH. |
| 397 | UH, LISTEN, YOU DIDN'T EAT A LOT OF IT |
| 398 | WHILE YOU WERE COOKING, DID YOU? |
| 399 | WELL, UH, I ATE SOME. |
| 400 | OH, SOME-- THAT'S FINE. SOME IS FINE. |
| 401 | SOME IS NOT "A LOT." |
| 402 | OKAY. |
| 403 | SO IT DOESN'T BURN WHEN YOU PEE, DOES IT? |
| 404 | ( ringing ) |
| 405 | HELLO? HI. |
| 406 | IS THAT HIM AGAIN? |
| 407 | TELL HIM I'D COME TO THE PHONE |
| 408 | BUT MY ANKLES ARE WEIGHING ME DOWN. |
| 409 | LISTEN, I DON'T THINK THIS IS THE BEST TIME. |
| 410 | LOOK, CAN... CAN YOU DO SOMETHING FOR ME? |
| 411 | SURE. WHAT? |
| 412 | OKAY. |
| 413 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 414 | MUSIC? |
| 415 | SURE. |
| 416 | ( rock tune ending ) |
| 417 | Deejay: The next one's dedicated to Rachel from Ross. |
| 418 | Rachel, he wants you to know he's deeply sorry for what he did. |
| 419 | He hopes you can find it in your heart to forgive him. |
| 420 | ( love song playing ) |
| 421 | ( song continues ) |
| 422 | ( song stops ) |
| 423 | Deejay: Uh, we've just gotten a call from Rachel |
| 424 | and she told us what Ross did. |
| 425 | It's pretty appalling, and, Ross, if you're listening |
| 426 | I don't want to play your song anymore. |
| 427 | Why don't we devote our time to a couple that stands a chance? |
| 428 | ( heavy metal intro ) Avery, Michelle is sorry she hit you with her car |
| 429 | and she hopes you two will work it out. |
| 430 | ♪ There's a room where ♪ |
| 431 | ♪ I can go and ♪ |
| 432 | ♪ Tell my secrets to ♪ |
| 433 | ♪ In my room ♪ |
| 434 | ♪ In my room ♪ |
| 435 | ♪ In my room ♪ |
| 436 | ♪ In my room. ♪ |
| 437 | HI. THANKS FOR COMING IN AGAIN. OH, NOT AT ALL. |
| 438 | I HAVE NO MORALS, AND I NEED THE CASH. |
| 439 | IT'S LIKE I'M LOOKING IN A MIRROR. |
| 440 | ANYWAY, THEY'RE CALLED "FISHTACHIOS." |
| 441 | NOW. THEY TASTE EXACTLY LIKE PISTACHIOS, BUT THEY'RE |
| 442 | MADE PRIMARILY OF RECONSTITUTED FISH BITS. |
| 443 | HERE. TRY ONE. ALL RIGHT... |
| 444 | YOU'RE NOT ALLERGIC TO ANYTHING, ARE YOU? |
| 445 | CAT HAIR. OH. SORRY. |
| 446 | |
| 1 | Phoebe: OOH, OOH, OOH! |
| 2 | UGLY NAKED GUY'S DECORATING HIS TREE. |
| 3 | AND OH, MY GOD, YOU SHOULD SEE THE SIZE |
| 4 | OF HIS CHRISTMAS BALLS. |
| 5 | HEY. HEY. |
| 6 | HOW MUCH DID YOU GUYS TIP THE SUPER THIS YEAR? |
| 7 | WE WERE GOING TO GIVE 50. |
| 8 | BUT IF YOU GAVE MORE, WE HATE TO LOOK BAD. |
| 9 | ACTUALLY, THIS YEAR, WE JUST MADE HIM HOMEMADE COOKIES. |
| 10 | AND 25 IT IS. |
| 11 | YOU GAVE HIM COOKIES? |
| 12 | MONEY IS SO IMPERSONAL. |
| 13 | COOKIES SAYS SOMEONE REALLY CARES. |
| 14 | ALL RIGHT, WE'RE BROKE. |
| 15 | BUT COOKIES DO SAY THAT. |
| 16 | I CAN SEE THAT. |
| 17 | A PLATE OF BROWNIES ONCE TOLD ME A LIMERICK. |
| 18 | PHEEBS, LET ME ASK YOU SOMETHING. |
| 19 | WERE THESE, UH, "FUNNY" BROWNIES? |
| 20 | NOT ESPECIALLY. |
| 21 | BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? I THINK THEY HAD POT IN THEM. |
| 22 | SO, YOU GUYS, WHO ELSE DID YOU TIP WITH COOKIES? |
| 23 | UH, THE MAILMAN... |
| 24 | THE SUPER... |
| 25 | ( thudding ) |
| 26 | Monica: OH, AND THE NEWSPAPER DELIVERY GUY. |
| 27 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 28 | Phoebe: WHAT? |
| 29 | I DON'T THINK YOU'RE GOING TO LIKE THIS. |
| 30 | Phoebe: OH, WOW! |
| 31 | OOH! GOSH! |
| 32 | OH, THERE'S A COOKIE SMASHED IN THE SPORTS SECTION. |
| 33 | OH, LOOK! AND HE DID MY CROSSWORD PUZZLE. |
| 34 | YEAH, BUT NOT VERY WELL. |
| 35 | UNLESS "FOURTEEN ACROSS: GERSHWIN MUSICAL" ACTUALLY IS |
| 36 | "BITE ME, BITE ME, BITE ME, BITE ME." |
| 37 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 38 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 39 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 40 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 41 | ♪ AND IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY ♪ |
| 42 | ♪ YOUR WEEK, YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 43 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 44 | ♪ WHEN THE RAIN STARTS TO FALL ♪ |
| 45 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 46 | ♪ LIKE I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE ♪ |
| 47 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 48 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME TOO. ♪ |
| 49 | I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S CHRISTMAS ALREADY. |
| 50 | I MEAN ONE DAY YOU'RE EATING TURKEY. |
| 51 | THE NEXT THING YOU KNOW, YOUR LORDS ARE A-LEAPING |
| 52 | AND YOUR GEESE ARE A-LAYING. |
| 53 | WHICH IS WHY GEESE ARE SO RELAXED |
| 54 | THIS TIME OF YEAR. |
| 55 | HEY, GUYS. |
| 56 | All: HEY. |
| 57 | HEY, RACH. |
| 58 | I, UH, GOT YOU A LITTLE PRESENT. |
| 59 | I'LL OPEN IT. |
| 60 | IT'S A SLINKY. |
| 61 | REMEMBER? |
| 62 | ♪ WHAT WALKS DOWNSTAIRS ♪ |
| 63 | ♪ ALONE OR IN PAIRS ♪ |
| 64 | ♪ EVERYONE KNOWS IT'S... ♪ |
| 65 | ♪ JUST A BIG SPRING. ♪ |
| 66 | ALL RIGHT, YOU'RE STILL MAD AT ME |
| 67 | BECAUSE OF THE WHOLE... |
| 68 | HORRIBLE AND DEGRADING LIST OF REASONS NOT TO BE WITH ME? |
| 69 | HOW ABOUT FROM NOW ON WE JUST CALL IT |
| 70 | THE "UNFORTUNATE INCIDENT"? |
| 71 | HEY, GUNTHER. |
| 72 | YOU'VE GOT STAIRS IN YOUR PLACE? |
| 73 | YEAH. |
| 74 | GO NUTS. |
| 75 | HEY, GUYS. |
| 76 | Both: HEY. |
| 77 | WHAT'S IN THE BAG? |
| 78 | MMM, JUST SOME PRESENTS. |
| 79 | COME ON, SHOW US WHAT YOU BOUGHT. |
| 80 | YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO. |
| 81 | OKAY. |
| 82 | OKAY, THIS IS A PICTURE FRAME |
| 83 | FROM BEN TO MY PARENTS. |
| 84 | AW, THAT'S CUTE. |
| 85 | I GOT SOME "HERS AND HERS" TOWELS FOR SUSAN AND CAROL. |
| 86 | AND, UH... |
| 87 | I GOT THIS BLOUSE FOR MOM. |
| 88 | ROSS, THAT IS GORGEOUS. |
| 89 | LOOK AT THESE AUTHENTIC FAKE MEDALS. |
| 90 | MOM'S GOING TO BE VOTED BEST-DRESSED |
| 91 | AT THE MAKE-BELIEVE MILITARY ACADEMY. |
| 92 | HEY. |
| 93 | HEY, PHEEBS. |
| 94 | HAPPY CHRISTMAS EVE EVE. |
| 95 | YOU TOO. |
| 96 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 97 | WHERE DID YOU GET THIS? |
| 98 | UH, MACY'S, THIRD FLOOR. |
| 99 | HOME FURNISHINGS. |
| 100 | THIS IS MY FATHER. |
| 101 | THIS IS A PICTURE OF MY DAD. |
| 102 | PHEEBS, THAT'S THE GUY THAT COMES IN THE FRAME. |
| 103 | NO. THIS IS MY DAD. I'LL SHOW YOU. |
| 104 | PHOEBE, I THOUGHT YOUR DAD WAS IN PRISON. |
| 105 | NO, NO. THAT'S MY STEP-DAD. |
| 106 | MY REAL DAD'S THE ONE THAT RAN OUT ON US |
| 107 | BEFORE I WAS BORN. |
| 108 | HOW HAVE YOU NEVER BEEN ON OPRAH? |
| 109 | OKAY, LOOK, SEE? THIS IS HIM. |
| 110 | MY MOTHER GAVE ME THIS PICTURE BEFORE SHE DIED. |
| 111 | SAME GUY. |
| 112 | HONEY, UH, THIS IS A PICTURE OF THE FRAME GUY |
| 113 | POSING IN FRONT OF A BRIGHT BLUE SCREEN |
| 114 | WITH A COLLIE. |
| 115 | THAT'S NOT A BLUE SCREEN. |
| 116 | IT'S JUST... |
| 117 | MAYBE IT WAS JUST REALLY CLEAR THAT DAY. |
| 118 | OKAY. I HAVE TO TALK TO MY GRANDMOTHER. |
| 119 | Monica: BUT WAIT A MINUTE, HONEY... |
| 120 | Men: PHEEBS... PHEEBS... |
| 121 | WHOA. |
| 122 | WOW. |
| 123 | SO, ANYWAY, I'M TRYING TO GET MY BOSS'S EX-WIFE |
| 124 | TO SLEEP WITH ME. |
| 125 | All: JOEY! |
| 126 | OH, BUT WHEN PHOEBE HAS A PROBLEM, EVERYONE'S ALL EARS. |
| 127 | "ES-THER LIVINGSTON..." |
| 128 | GONE! |
| 129 | AND... |
| 130 | HI, POOH. |
| 131 | HI, GRAM. |
| 132 | WHAT YOU DOING? |
| 133 | OH, JUST UPDATING THE PHONE BOOK. |
| 134 | UM, GRAM? |
| 135 | UM, CAN I SEE THE PICTURES OF MY DAD AGAIN? |
| 136 | OH. |
| 137 | OH, SURE, SURE. |
| 138 | UH... |
| 139 | HOW COME? |
| 140 | JUST, YOU KNOW, TO... SEE THEM. |
| 141 | OH, SURE. YEAH. |
| 142 | ALL RIGHT, WELL... |
| 143 | THIS IS THE ONE OF YOUR FATHER IN A MEADOW. |
| 144 | AND, UH, HELPING A LITTLE BOY FLY A KITE. |
| 145 | AND HERE HE IS AT A GRADUATION. |
| 146 | ANOTHER GRADUATION. |
| 147 | ANOTHER GRADUATION. |
| 148 | OKAY. |
| 149 | IS THIS REALLY MY FATHER? |
| 150 | IS IT REALLY YOUR F... |
| 151 | I CA... |
| 152 | WELL, OF COURSE IT IS. |
| 153 | I SMELL SMOKE. |
| 154 | MAYBE THAT'S 'CAUSE SOMEONE'S PANTS ARE ON FIRE. |
| 155 | WELL, I... |
| 156 | YOU KNOW, IN ALL THE YEARS |
| 157 | THAT WE HAVE BEEN GRANDMOTHER AND GRANDDAUGHTER |
| 158 | YOU HAVE NEVER LIED TO ME. |
| 159 | ALL RIGHT, THAT IS NOT YOUR FATHER. |
| 160 | THAT'S JUST A PICTURE OF A GUY IN A FRAME. |
| 161 | OH, GOD... |
| 162 | IT WAS YOUR MOTHER'S IDEA. |
| 163 | SHE DIDN'T WANT YOU TO KNOW YOUR REAL FATHER |
| 164 | BECAUSE IT HURT HER SO MUCH WHEN HE LEFT. |
| 165 | AND I DIDN'T WANT TO GO ALONG WITH IT... |
| 166 | BUT THEN SHE DIED |
| 167 | AND IT WAS HARDER TO ARGUE WITH HER. |
| 168 | NOT IMPOSSIBLE, BUT HARDER. |
| 169 | ALL RIGHT, SO... |
| 170 | WELL, HE'S NOT A FAMOUS TREE SURGEON? |
| 171 | AND THEN I GUESS, OKAY |
| 172 | HE DOESN'T LIVE IN A HUT IN BURMA |
| 173 | WHERE THERE'S NO PHONES? |
| 174 | LAST I HEARD, HE WAS A PHARMACIST |
| 175 | SOMEWHERE UPSTATE. |
| 176 | OKAY. THAT MAKES NO SENSE. |
| 177 | WHY WOULD THE VILLAGERS WORSHIP A PHARMACIST? |
| 178 | HONEY... |
| 179 | OH. |
| 180 | YEAH. |
| 181 | ANYWAY, THAT'S ALL I KNOW. |
| 182 | THAT... |
| 183 | AND THIS. |
| 184 | THIS... |
| 185 | IS THE REAL HIM. |
| 186 | OH. |
| 187 | YOU KNOW, I REMEMBER MY FATHER |
| 188 | ALL DRESSED UP IN THE RED SUIT |
| 189 | WITH THE BIG BLACK BOOTS AND THE PATENT LEATHER BELT... |
| 190 | SNEAKING AROUND DOWNSTAIRS. |
| 191 | HE DIDN'T WANT ANYBODY TO SEE HIM. |
| 192 | BUT HE'D BE DRUNK |
| 193 | SO HE'D STUMBLE, CRASH INTO SOMETHING |
| 194 | AND WAKE EVERYBODY UP. |
| 195 | THAT DOESN'T SOUND LIKE A VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS. |
| 196 | WHO SAID ANYTHING ABOUT CHRISTMAS? |
| 197 | HI. |
| 198 | HEY. ANYONE HEAR FROM PHOEBE YET? |
| 199 | NO, NOTHING. |
| 200 | I HOPE SHE'S OKAY. |
| 201 | I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT SHE'S GOING THROUGH. |
| 202 | HOW DO YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHAT SHE'S GOING THROUGH? |
| 203 | SHE TOLD US. |
| 204 | SO WHAT'D YOU GOT THERE, MONICA? |
| 205 | JUST SOME STUFF FOR THE PARTY. |
| 206 | SHOULDN'T YOU GUYS BE CHRISTMAS SHOPPING? |
| 207 | YOU HAVEN'T GOTTEN YOUR PRESENTS YET? |
| 208 | TOMORROW'S CHRISTMAS EVE. |
| 209 | WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO? |
| 210 | DON'T YOU HAVE TO BE CLAYMATION TO SAY STUFF LIKE THAT? |
| 211 | MON, I DON'T THINK THE MAILMAN LIKED YOUR COOKIES. |
| 212 | HERE ARE THE ORNAMENTS YOUR MOM SENT. |
| 213 | ( splinters rattling ) |
| 214 | WELL... |
| 215 | MAYBE THE MAILMAN LIKED THE COOKIES. |
| 216 | WE JUST DIDN'T GIVE HIM ENOUGH. |
| 217 | MONICA, PIGEONS LEARN FASTER THAN YOU. |
| 218 | ( both giggling ) |
| 219 | HEY, RACH... YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 220 | I THINK I KNOW WHAT'LL MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER. |
| 221 | HOW ABOUT YOU MAKE A LIST ABOUT ME? |
| 222 | FORGET IT, ROSS. |
| 223 | I WON'T STAND HERE |
| 224 | AND MAKE A LIST... |
| 225 | OKAY. YOU'RE WHINY. |
| 226 | YOU ARE... YOU'RE OBSESSIVE. |
| 227 | YOU ARE INSECURE. |
| 228 | YOU'RE GUTLESS. |
| 229 | YOU DON'T JUST SEIZE THE DAY. |
| 230 | YOU LIKED ME FOR, WHAT, A YEAR |
| 231 | AND YOU DIDN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT. |
| 232 | AND, UH... OH, YOU WEAR TOO MUCH OF THAT GEL IN YOUR HAIR. |
| 233 | SEE? THERE... YOU, UH... |
| 234 | ALL RIGHT. YOU DID WHAT I SAID. |
| 235 | YEAH, AND YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 236 | YOU'RE RIGHT. I DO FEEL BETTER. |
| 237 | THANK YOU, ROSS. |
| 238 | YEAH. IN ALBANY. |
| 239 | COULD I HAVE THE NUMBER OF FRANK BUFFAY? |
| 240 | OKAY. UM, IN ITHACA? |
| 241 | ALL RIGHT, UM, SARATOGA? |
| 242 | ONEONTA? |
| 243 | ALL RIGHT, YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 244 | YOU SHOULDN'T CALL YOURSELF "INFORMATION." |
| 245 | HEY. |
| 246 | HELLO, GRANDMA. |
| 247 | IF THAT IS, IN FACT, YOUR REAL NAME. |
| 248 | COME ON NOW, POOH. |
| 249 | DON'T STILL BE MAD AT ME. |
| 250 | HOW'S IT GOING? |
| 251 | NOT SO GOOD. |
| 252 | UPSTATE'S PRETTY BIG. |
| 253 | HE'S PRETTY SMALL. YOU DO THE MATH. |
| 254 | WELL, I THINK YOU'RE BETTER OFF WITHOUT HIM. |
| 255 | OH, HONEY, I KNOW HE'S YOUR DADDY |
| 256 | BUT TO ME, HE'S STILL THE IRRESPONSIBLE CREEP |
| 257 | WHO KNOCKED UP YOUR MOM AND STOLE HER GREMLIN. |
| 258 | I KNOW, I JUST... |
| 259 | I JUST WANT TO KNOW WHO HE WAS, YOU KNOW... |
| 260 | YEAH. I KNOW. |
| 261 | OKAY. |
| 262 | I WASN'T COMPLETELY HONEST WITH YOU |
| 263 | WHEN I TOLD YOU THAT, UH... |
| 264 | I DIDN'T KNOW EXACTLY WHERE HE LIVED. |
| 265 | WHAT DO YOU MEAN? |
| 266 | HE LIVES AT 74 LAUREL DRIVE IN MIDDLETOWN. |
| 267 | IF YOU HIT THE DIARY QUEEN, YOU'VE GONE TOO FAR. |
| 268 | HERE-- TAKE MY CAB. |
| 269 | WOW! |
| 270 | THANK YOU. |
| 271 | NOW, REMEMBER, NOBODY ELSE DRIVES THAT CAB. |
| 272 | UH-HUH. GOT IT. |
| 273 | I'M GOING TO SEE MY DAD. |
| 274 | OH, THANK YOU. |
| 275 | OH... OH... |
| 276 | OKAY. |
| 277 | WISH ME LUCK, GRANDPA. |
| 278 | HEY. PHOEBE HERE WITH THE CAB YET? |
| 279 | YEAH, SHE BROUGHT THE INVISIBLE CAB. |
| 280 | HOP IN. |
| 281 | SHE BETTER GET HERE SOON. |
| 282 | THE OUTLET STORES CLOSE AT 7:00. |
| 283 | DON'T WORRY. I FIGURE TWO HOURS TO PHOEBE'S DAD'S HOUSE. |
| 284 | THEY'LL MEET, CHAT, SWAP LIFE STORIES. |
| 285 | WE'LL STILL HAVE PLENTY OF TIME. |
| 286 | HEY, HERE SHE COMES. |
| 287 | HEY, HEY! |
| 288 | HEY. |
| 289 | HI. |
| 290 | HEY! |
| 291 | HEY. |
| 292 | CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS? |
| 293 | IN LIKE TWO HOURS, I'M GOING TO HAVE A DAD. EESHK! |
| 294 | EESHK. |
| 295 | YEAH, BIG STUFF. |
| 296 | OKAY, LET'S GO. |
| 297 | OKAY. |
| 298 | HERE. YOU HAVE TO HOLD THIS. |
| 299 | OKAY. |
| 300 | "BRAKE: LEFT, GAS: RIGHT?" |
| 301 | UH-HUH. YEAH. THAT'S MY CHEAT SHEET. |
| 302 | WHERE'S MY SEAT BELT? |
| 303 | OH, NO, THAT SIDE DOESN'T HAVE ONE. |
| 304 | THE PARAMEDICS HAD TO CUT THROUGH IT. |
| 305 | HEY! |
| 306 | HEY. |
| 307 | COME ON, JUST TELL ME, PLEASE. |
| 308 | PLEASE. |
| 309 | FOR THE 16th TIME |
| 310 | NO, I DO NOT THINK YOU'RE OBSESSIVE. |
| 311 | OH, GOSH, IT'S HOT IN HERE. |
| 312 | RACH, GET THE HEAT. |
| 313 | ROSS, COULD YOU TURN THE HEAT DOWN, PLEASE? |
| 314 | SURE. AND BY THE WAY, THERE'S A DIFFERENCE |
| 315 | BETWEEN BEING OBSESSIVE... |
| 316 | ROSS, THE HEAT. |
| 317 | FINE. OKAY. |
| 318 | HEAT, HEAT, HEAT. |
| 319 | AND I'M THE OBSESSIVE ONE. |
| 320 | OKAY, THIS WAY IS ON, SO THIS IS... |
| 321 | OFF. |
| 322 | DID YOU JUST BREAK THE RADIATOR? |
| 323 | NO. |
| 324 | NO, I WAS TURNING THE KNOB AND, AND... |
| 325 | HERE IT IS. |
| 326 | WELL, PUT IT BACK. |
| 327 | IT, UH... |
| 328 | IT WON'T GO BACK. |
| 329 | OH... I'LL CALL THE SUPER. |
| 330 | HERE. LET ME TRY. |
| 331 | OH. OH, THAT'S RIGHT. |
| 332 | I FORGOT ABOUT YOUR ABILITY TO FUSE METAL. |
| 333 | HEY, IT'S FUNNY'S COUSIN, NOT FUNNY. |
| 334 | HI, MR. TREEGER. |
| 335 | HI, IT'S RACHEL GREEN FROM UPSTAIRS. |
| 336 | YES, SOMEBODY BROKE OUR KNOB ON THE RADIATOR |
| 337 | AND IT'S REALLY HOT IN HERE. |
| 338 | YES, IT'S HOT ENOUGH TO BAKE COOKIES. |
| 339 | WELL, DO YOU THINK WE COULD HAVE A NEW ONE BY 6:00? |
| 340 | WHAT? NO, NO. TUESDAY? |
| 341 | WE CAN'T WAIT UNTIL TUESDAY. |
| 342 | WE'RE HAVING A PARTY TONIGHT. |
| 343 | OKAY, TIP THE MAN. |
| 344 | NO, IF HE DOESN'T LIKE OUR COOKIES, TOO BAD. |
| 345 | I'M NOT GOING TO BE BLACKMAILED. |
| 346 | LOOK, IF WORSE COMES TO WORSE, IT GETS A LITTLE WARM |
| 347 | WE'LL CALL IT A THEME PARTY. |
| 348 | HEY, HERE'S A THEME-- |
| 349 | COME ON IN, LIVE LIKE BACON. |
| 350 | Phoebe: OOH, THIS IS IT. |
| 351 | 74. |
| 352 | OH, SO THAT'S WHAT THIS IS FOR. |
| 353 | WOW. THIS IS IT. |
| 354 | I'M GOING TO MEET MY DAD. |
| 355 | THIS IS LIKE THE BIGGEST THING EVER, HUH? |
| 356 | YEAH. SURE IS. |
| 357 | OKAY. |
| 358 | HERE I GO. I'M GOING IN. |
| 359 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 360 | GOOD LUCK, PHEEBS. |
| 361 | OKAY. |
| 362 | HERE I GO. |
| 363 | HERE I GO. |
| 364 | I'M GOING. |
| 365 | HI. WELCOME TO OUR TROPICAL CHRISTMAS PARTY. |
| 366 | YOU CAN PUT YOUR COATS AND SWEATERS |
| 367 | AND PANTS AND SHIRTS IN THE BEDROOM. |
| 368 | IT'S HARD TO TELL BECAUSE I'M SWEATING |
| 369 | BUT I USE EXACTLY WHAT THE GEL BOTTLE SAYS. |
| 370 | AN AMOUNT ABOUT THE SIZE OF A PEA. |
| 371 | HOW CAN THAT BE TOO MUCH? |
| 372 | Monica: ICE? |
| 373 | ICE? ICE SQUARES, ANYONE? |
| 374 | TAKE A NAPKIN. |
| 375 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 376 | MONICA. |
| 377 | MONICA. |
| 378 | MONICA, YOUR GUESTS |
| 379 | ARE TURNING INTO JERKY, OKAY? |
| 380 | REALLY? |
| 381 | I'M PERFECTLY COMFORTABLE. |
| 382 | HEY, HEY, HEY, GET IN LINE, BUDDY. |
| 383 | I WAS NEXT. |
| 384 | MR. TREEGER. |
| 385 | YOU SAID THERE WAS A PARTY. |
| 386 | OH, YEAH. |
| 387 | WELL, HEY, WELCOME TO OUR SAUNA. |
| 388 | IS IT HOT? |
| 389 | MY BODY ALWAYS STAYS COOL. |
| 390 | PROBABLY BECAUSE I HAVE SO MUCH SKIN. |
| 391 | HEY, CHEESE. |
| 392 | ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT, HERE'S THE CHANCE. |
| 393 | MONICA, GIVE HIM CASH. RACHEL, GIVE HIM YOUR EARRINGS. |
| 394 | SOMETHING. NOW. ANYTHING. |
| 395 | NO. |
| 396 | I WILL NOT CAVE. |
| 397 | YEAH, I'M WITH MON. |
| 398 | ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT. |
| 399 | YOU KNOW HOW YOU SAY I NEVER SEIZE THE DAY? |
| 400 | EVEN THOUGH HE'S YOUR SUPER, I'M SEIZING. |
| 401 | MR. TREEGER? |
| 402 | HERE IS 50 BUCKS. |
| 403 | MERRY CHRISTMAS. |
| 404 | OH, WOW. I DIDN'T GET YOU ANYTHING. |
| 405 | HERE'S FIVE BACK. |
| 406 | NO, NO. THAT'S YOUR CHRISTMAS TIP. |
| 407 | ALL RIGHT? OH, HEY. |
| 408 | DO YOU THINK THERE'S A CHANCE YOU CAN FIX THAT RADIATOR NOW? |
| 409 | NO CAN DO. LIKE I TOLD THE GIRL |
| 410 | I CAN'T GET A NEW KNOB UNTIL TUESDAY. |
| 411 | ROSS? |
| 412 | YEAH. |
| 413 | LOOKS LIKE HE'S PLAYING BASEBALL. |
| 414 | YOU MEAN HARDBALL? |
| 415 | WHATEVER. |
| 416 | WHAT YOU GONNA DO? |
| 417 | EXCUSE ME. I'M SEIZING. |
| 418 | MR. TREEGER... |
| 419 | HERE'S ANOTHER 50. |
| 420 | HAPPY HANUKKAH. |
| 421 | WILL THIS HELP WITH THE KNOB-GETTING? |
| 422 | NO. |
| 423 | THE PLACE IS NOT OPEN TILL TUESDAY. |
| 424 | AM I NOT SAYING IT RIGHT? |
| 425 | SO, WAIT... |
| 426 | YOU REALLY DID LIKE MY COOKIES? |
| 427 | OH, YEAH. |
| 428 | THEY WERE SO PERSONAL. |
| 429 | IT REALLY SHOWED YOU CARED. |
| 430 | NICE SEIZING... GEL-BOY. |
| 431 | SO, UH... |
| 432 | IS THIS, UH... |
| 433 | MISTLETOE? |
| 434 | ( laughs ) |
| 435 | NO, AC... NO. |
| 436 | UH, THAT... THAT IS BASIL. |
| 437 | OH. |
| 438 | 'CAUSE IF IT WAS MISTLETOE |
| 439 | I WAS GOING TO KISS YOU. |
| 440 | HO-HO! |
| 441 | YEAH, NO. IT'S STILL BASIL. |
| 442 | ♪ CHESTNUTS ROASTING ON AN OPEN FIRE ♪ |
| 443 | ♪ JACK FROST NIPPING AT YOUR NOSE ♪ |
| 444 | OKAY. |
| 445 | HOW FAR DID YOU GET? |
| 446 | MAILBOX. |
| 447 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 448 | WE'RE GETTING CLOSER. |
| 449 | UH-HUH. |
| 450 | PHEEBS, WHAT'S GOING ON? |
| 451 | NO, IT'S JUST LIKE, YOU KNOW |
| 452 | IT'S A WHOLE MESS OF STUFF, YOU KNOW |
| 453 | BECAUSE... LIKE YESTERDAY, YOU KNOW |
| 454 | MY DAD WAS THIS, LIKE, FAMOUS BURMA TREE SURGEON GUY |
| 455 | AND, YOU KNOW, NOW HE'S A PHARMACIST GUY. |
| 456 | WELL, MAYBE |
| 457 | HE'S THIS REALLY COOL PHARMACIST GUY. |
| 458 | YEAH, MAYBE. |
| 459 | YEAH. |
| 460 | YOU KNOW, AND I'LL KNOCK ON THE DOOR |
| 461 | AND HE'LL HUG ME AND I'LL HAVE A DAD. |
| 462 | YOU KNOW, AND I'LL GO TO HIS PHARMACY |
| 463 | AND EVERYONE WILL BE REALLY NICE TO ME |
| 464 | 'CAUSE YOU KNOW, I'M FRANK'S DAUGHTER. |
| 465 | WELL, SO WHY NOT GO KNOCK? |
| 466 | WELL, 'CAUSE, I MEAN, WHAT IF... |
| 467 | WHAT IF HE'S NOT THIS GREAT DAD GUY? |
| 468 | I MEAN, WHAT IF HE'S JUST STILL THE DIRTBAG |
| 469 | WHO RAN OUT ON MY MOM AND US? |
| 470 | YEAH. HMM. |
| 471 | YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 472 | I'VE ALREADY LOST A FAKE DAD THIS WEEK |
| 473 | AND... |
| 474 | I DON'T THINK I'M READY TO LOSE A REAL ONE. |
| 475 | PHEEBS, THAT'S OKAY. |
| 476 | YOU TOOK A BIG STEP TODAY. |
| 477 | YEAH? |
| 478 | YEAH. |
| 479 | AND SOMEDAY WHEN YOU'RE READY |
| 480 | YOU'LL MAKE IT PAST THE HEDGES. |
| 481 | AND WHEN YOU DO, HE'LL BE LUCKY TO HAVE YOU. |
| 482 | YOU GUYS... |
| 483 | I'M SORRY ABOUT YOUR SHOPPING. |
| 484 | OH, THAT'S OKAY. |
| 485 | WE'LL FIGURE SOMETHING OUT. |
| 486 | UH... LISTEN, PHEEBS, I KNOW YOU'RE NOT GOING IN THERE |
| 487 | BUT YOU THINK IT WOULD BE ALL RIGHT |
| 488 | IF I WENT IN AND USED HIS BATHROOM? |
| 489 | THAT'S FINE. NEVER MIND. |
| 490 | I JUST... |
| 491 | COOL. SNOW. |
| 492 | KIND OF LIKE A BLANK CANVAS. |
| 493 | HO-HO-HO-HOLY CRAP, IS IT HOT IN HERE. |
| 494 | HEY, YOU MIND IF I TURN THE HEAT DOWN? |
| 495 | HEY, WE COULD'VE USED THAT KIND OF THINKING EARLIER. |
| 496 | Ross: HEY, PHEEBS, HOW DID IT GO? |
| 497 | OH... I COULDN'T GO IN. |
| 498 | Monica: OH, HONEY, I'M SORRY. |
| 499 | WELL, ARE YOU OKAY? |
| 500 | YEAH, YEAH. NO, IT'S OKAY. |
| 501 | 'CAUSE, I MEAN, I KNOW HE'S THERE |
| 502 | SO THAT'S ENOUGH FOR NOW. |
| 503 | HEY, GUYS, IT'S AFTER MIDNIGHT. |
| 504 | MERRY CHRISTMAS, EVERYONE. |
| 505 | OH, THAT'S RIGHT! |
| 506 | MERRY CHRISTMAS! MERRY CHRISTMAS! |
| 507 | HEY, MONICA, THE KNOB WAS BROKEN |
| 508 | SO I JUST TURNED IT OFF FROM UNDERNEATH. |
| 509 | I HOPE THAT'S ALL RIGHT. |
| 510 | Joey: RACH, THESE ARE FOR YOU. |
| 511 | WIPER BLADES. |
| 512 | I DON'T EVEN HAVE A CAR. |
| 513 | NO, BUT WITH THIS NEW CAR SMELL |
| 514 | YOU'LL THINK YOU DO! |
| 515 | THERE. |
| 516 | OKAY, PHEEBS, YOUR TURN. |
| 517 | OH! TOILET SEAT COVERS! |
| 518 | IT'S THAT WHAT YOU GOT WHEN I GOT GAS? |
| 519 | UH-HUH. UH-HUH. |
| 520 | YOU GUYS... |
| 521 | OKAY. AND FOR ROSS... |
| 522 | MR. SWEET TOOTH... |
| 523 | YOU GOT ME A COLA DRINK? |
| 524 | AND... A LEMON-LIME! |
| 525 | WOW... |
| 526 | WELL, THIS... |
| 527 | THIS IS TOO MUCH. |
| 528 | I FEEL LIKE I SHOULD GET YOU ANOTHER SWEATER. |
| 529 | NO. |
| 530 | AND LAST, BUT NOT LEAST... |
| 531 | THEY'RE RIBBED FOR YOUR PLEASURE. |
| 532 | |
| 1 | JOEY, WOULD YOU SLOW DOWN? |
| 2 | THEY'RE NOT GOING TO BE SOLD OUT OF PAPERS |
| 3 | AT 1:00 IN THE MORNING. |
| 4 | I'M EXCITED. |
| 5 | I'VE NEVER GOTTEN REVIEWED BEFORE. |
| 6 | YOU WERE SO AMAZING AS THE KING. I'M REALLY IMPRESSED. I WAS. |
| 7 | ALTHOUGH YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 8 | YOU MIGHT WANT TO CONSIDER WEARING UNDERWEAR NEXT TIME. |
| 9 | YEAH, 'CAUSE WHEN YOU SAT DOWN ON YOUR THRONE, |
| 10 | YOU COULD KIND OF SEE YOUR... ROYAL SUBJECTS. |
| 11 | HERE IT IS, HERE IT IS! |
| 12 | "THE ONLY THING WORSE |
| 13 | "THAN THE MINDLESS, ADOLESCENT DIRECTION |
| 14 | "IS JOSEPH TRIBBIANI'S |
| 15 | DISTURBINGLY UNSKILLED PORTRAYAL OF THE KING." |
| 16 | OKAY, LOOK, THAT IS ONE GUY'S OPINION. |
| 17 | ALL RIGHT? PHEEBS, READ YOURS. |
| 18 | "THE ONLY THING WORSE THAN THE MINDLESS, |
| 19 | ADOLESCENT DIRECTION..." |
| 20 | DOES ANYBODY HAVE ONE FROM A DIFFERENT PAPER? |
| 21 | ROSS, READ YOURS. |
| 22 | I DON'T WANT TO. |
| 23 | JOEY, HONEY, THEY DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY'RE TALKING ABOUT. |
| 24 | MAYBE THEY DO. I'VE BEEN DOING THIS TEN YEARS |
| 25 | AND I HAVEN'T GOTTEN ANYWHERE. THERE'S GOT TO BE A REASON. |
| 26 | COME ON, MAN, YOU'RE JUST PAYING YOUR DUES. |
| 27 | NO, NO. IT'S TOO HARD. |
| 28 | IT'S NOT WORTH IT. I QUIT. |
| 29 | ( PROTESTING ) |
| 30 | WAIT, WAIT, WAIT ONE MINUTE. WAIT A MINUTE. |
| 31 | I BELIEVE THIS WILL CHANGE YOUR MIND. |
| 32 | "IN A MEDIOCRE PLAY, JOSEPH TRIBBIANI |
| 33 | "WAS ABLE TO ACHIEVE BRILLIANT NEW LEVELS OF... |
| 34 | "CONTINUED ON 153. |
| 35 | ...SUCKING." |
| 36 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU ♪ |
| 37 | ♪ LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 38 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 39 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 40 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 41 | ♪ WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY ♪ |
| 42 | ♪ YOUR WEEK, YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 43 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 44 | ♪ WHEN THE RAIN STARTS TO POUR ♪ |
| 45 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 46 | ♪ LIKE I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE ♪ |
| 47 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 48 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME TOO. ♪ |
| 49 | WHEN I WAS LITTLE, I WANTED TO BE A VETERINARIAN, |
| 50 | BUT THEN I FOUND OUT YOU HAVE TO PUT |
| 51 | YOUR HANDS INTO COWS AND STUFF. |
| 52 | HI. |
| 53 | Joey: HEY. |
| 54 | Phoebe: ARE-ARE YOU OKAY? |
| 55 | YEAH, YEAH, JUST A TOUGH DAY AT WORK. |
| 56 | A STEGOSAURUS FELL OVER AND TRAPPED A KID. |
| 57 | I KNOW THIS JACKET. |
| 58 | THIS IS FUN BOBBY'S JACKET. |
| 59 | WHERE IS HE? WHAT? |
| 60 | HE'S HERE, ISN'T HE? |
| 61 | MAYBE. DON'T TOY WITH ME. |
| 62 | GELLER! FUN BOBBY! |
| 63 | HEY! WHOA, YOU BEEN WORKING OUT, HUH? |
| 64 | NOT AT ALL. |
| 65 | I LOVE THIS GUY. |
| 66 | HEY, I WAS SO PSYCHED TO HEAR YOU'RE BACK WITH MY SISTER. |
| 67 | YOU AND ME BOTH. |
| 68 | SO WHAT DID I MISS? COME ON. |
| 69 | WE WERE TRYING TO MAKE JOEY FEEL BETTER. |
| 70 | HEY, DO YOU NEED ME TO PICK YOU UP? |
| 71 | NO, I'M ALL RIGHT, MAN, REALLY. |
| 72 | NO, I'M PICKING YOU UP. |
| 73 | HEY, NO, SERIOUSLY, I DON'T NEED YOU TO... |
| 74 | ALL RIGHT! IT STILL WORKS. |
| 75 | OKAY. NOW, BEFORE I GO, DOES ANYBODY ELSE NEED TO BE PICKED UP? |
| 76 | I'M STILL GOING TO GO. |
| 77 | OKAY, I'LL SEE YOU LATER, BABE. |
| 78 | PUBLIC DISPLAY OF AFFECTION COMING UP. |
| 79 | YOU CAN AVERT YOUR EYES. |
| 80 | SEE YA. Group: BYE. |
| 81 | FUN BOBBY IS SO GREAT. |
| 82 | OH, ISN'T HE? |
| 83 | I REALLY THINK THIS TIME IT MAY WORK WITH HIM. |
| 84 | HE MAKES ME FEEL SO GOOD |
| 85 | AND I'VE BEEN FEELING SO LOUSY |
| 86 | THE LAST COUPLE OF MONTHS-- NO JOB, NO BOYFRIEND. |
| 87 | AT LEAST MY CUP IS HALF FULL. |
| 88 | HALF FULL OF LOVE. |
| 89 | AND FOR OUR TWO-WEEK ANNIVERSARY HE'S GOING TO TAKE ME |
| 90 | TO HIS COUSIN'S CABIN FOR THE WEEKEND. |
| 91 | CABIN OF LOVE. |
| 92 | WE WENT THROUGH A LOT OF WINE TONIGHT, YOU GUYS. |
| 93 | I ONLY HAD TWO GLASSES. |
| 94 | I JUST HAD A GLASS. TWO. |
| 95 | I HAD ONE GLASS. I HAD ABOUT A MUGFUL IN THIS LOVELY |
| 96 | "I GOT BONED AT THE MUSEUM OF NATURAL HISTORY" MUG. |
| 97 | OKAY, SO THAT'S... |
| 98 | THAT'S, WHAT, TWO BOTTLES |
| 99 | AND YET, SOMEHOW WE WENT THROUGH FIVE? |
| 100 | OH. OOH. |
| 101 | OH. |
| 102 | SO WHAT? SO HE DRANK A LOT TONIGHT. |
| 103 | YEAH, BUT NOW THAT I THINK ABOUT IT, I DON'T THINK |
| 104 | I'VE EVER SEEN FUN BOBBY WITHOUT A DRINK IN HIS HAND. |
| 105 | YEAH, AND OOH, YEAH, YOU KNOW, DID YOU NOTICE HOW HE ALWAYS |
| 106 | STARTS HIS STORIES WITH, "OKAY, I WAS SO WASTED" |
| 107 | OR, "WE WERE SO BOMBED," OR, "SO I WAKE UP |
| 108 | AND I'M IN THIS DUMPSTER IN CONNECTICUT." |
| 109 | MONICA, HAVE YOU EVER BEEN WITH HIM WHEN HE WASN'T DRINKING? |
| 110 | WELL, WE JUST HAPPEN TO GO TO A LOT OF PLACES WHERE YOU MIGHT DRINK. |
| 111 | I MEAN, HOW DO YOU GO TO A WINE TASTING WITHOUT HAVING A DRINK? |
| 112 | OR TO A CLUB, OR TO THE... ZOO? |
| 113 | RACH, DOES THIS HAVE NON-FAT MILK? |
| 114 | UM... I DON'T KNOW. WHY DON'T YOU TASTE IT? |
| 115 | MMM. NO. |
| 116 | OH, WELL, TOO LATE. SORRY. YOU ALREADY HAD SOME. |
| 117 | WHAT DO YOU SAY WE MAKE THESE COFFEES IRISH? |
| 118 | ( Phoebe clearing throat ) UM... |
| 119 | CAKE! |
| 120 | YEAH, WE'RE GOING TO GET SOME CAKE. |
| 121 | YOU KNOW, IT SEEMS LIKE YOU'VE BEEN MAKING |
| 122 | AN AWFUL LOT OF STUFF "IRISH" LATELY. |
| 123 | WELL, I WOULD MAKE THEM BELGIAN, BUT THE WAFFLES |
| 124 | ARE HARD TO GET INTO THAT FLASK. |
| 125 | BOBBY. |
| 126 | YEAH, OKAY. |
| 127 | LOOK, MAYBE THIS IS NONE OF MY BUSINESS |
| 128 | OR MAYBE IT IS, I DON'T KNOW |
| 129 | BUT, UM, I'M KIND OF WORRIED ABOUT YOU. |
| 130 | OKAY, LOOK, THIS ISN'T THE FIRST TIME SOMEBODY'S |
| 131 | SAID SOMETHING TO ME ABOUT THIS |
| 132 | BUT I DON'T KNOW. I ALWAYS MADE EXCUSES ABOUT IT |
| 133 | LIKE "I'M JUST A SOCIAL DRINKER." |
| 134 | OR "HEY, COME ON, IT'S FLAG DAY." |
| 135 | SO, WHAT ARE YOU SAYING NOW? |
| 136 | I GUESS I'M SAYING I'LL TRY AND QUIT. |
| 137 | I KIND OF LIKE THAT YOU WORRY ABOUT ME. |
| 138 | SO, WHAT'S GOING ON, HUH? |
| 139 | I AM GOING TO TRY AND QUIT DRINKING. |
| 140 | OH, WHY? |
| 141 | HEY. HEY. |
| 142 | HEY. HEY. |
| 143 | GUESS WHO'S BACK IN SHOW BUSINESS? |
| 144 | OOH! OOH! LORNE GREENE? |
| 145 | NO. NO, PHEEBS. YOU KNOW WHY? 'CAUSE HE'S DEAD. |
| 146 | OH, NO. |
| 147 | OKAY, I GUESS IT'S GOING TO SEEM KIND OF BITTERSWEET NOW |
| 148 | BUT JOEY, THAT'S WHO. |
| 149 | OH! REALLY? |
| 150 | MY AGENT JUST CALLED ME WITH AN AUDITION FOR DAYS OF OUR LIVES. |
| 151 | KICK ASS! |
| 152 | WE HAVE TO CELEBRATE. YOU KNOW WHAT WE SHOULD DO? |
| 153 | WE SHOULD DO LIKE A SOAP OPERA THEME. |
| 154 | HEY, YEAH. WE COULD ALL SLEEP TOGETHER, |
| 155 | AND THEN ONE OF US COULD GET AMNESIA. |
| 156 | HEY, RACH, WHAT TIME DO YOU GET OFF? |
| 157 | WE'RE ALL GOING TO DO SOMETHING TONIGHT. |
| 158 | UM, WELL, ACTUALLY, I'M ALREADY DONE |
| 159 | BUT I'VE KIND OF GOT PLANS. |
| 160 | ( gasping ) YOU HAVE OTHER FRIENDS? |
| 161 | YEAH. I, UH, I HAVE... I HAVE A DATE. |
| 162 | WHAT? WITH A MAN? |
| 163 | WHAT? WHAT IS SO STRANGE ABOUT ME HAVING A DATE? |
| 164 | WHAT ABOUT ROSS? |
| 165 | ARE YOU STILL MAD AT HIM 'CAUSE HE MADE THAT LIST ABOUT YOU? |
| 166 | NO, NO, I'M NOT MAD AT HIM. |
| 167 | I'M NOT REALLY ANYTHING AT HIM ANYMORE. |
| 168 | WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? I DON'T KNOW. |
| 169 | I... WHATEVER I WAS FEELING, I'M... NOT. |
| 170 | BUT YOU GUYS CAME SO CLOSE. |
| 171 | OH, I KNOW. I'M SORRY, YOU GUYS. YOU'RE JUST GOING TO HAVE |
| 172 | TO GET USED TO THE FACT THAT I WILL NOT BE DATING ROSS. |
| 173 | HERE HE IS. HI. |
| 174 | GUYS, THIS IS RUSS. |
| 175 | HI. |
| 176 | NO, I'M NOT SAYING YOU'RE NOT TALENTED. |
| 177 | YOU'RE VERY TALENTED. |
| 178 | IT'S JUST THAT WITH THE BIRD DEAD AND ALL |
| 179 | THERE'S VERY LITTLE ACT LEFT. |
| 180 | OH, HONEY, GIVE ME A BREAK, WILL YOU-- |
| 181 | OH. I'LL TALK TO YOU LATER. |
| 182 | WELL, THERE'S MY FAVORITE CLIENT. |
| 183 | SO, TELL ME, DARLING, HOW WAS THE AUDITION? |
| 184 | I THINK IT WENT PRETTY WELL. |
| 185 | I GOT A CALLBACK FOR THURSDAY. |
| 186 | JOEY, HAVE YOU EVER SEEN ME ECSTATIC? |
| 187 | NO. |
| 188 | WELL, HERE IT IS. |
| 189 | OKAY. LISTEN, THERE'S SOMETHING I WANT TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT. |
| 190 | THE NETWORK CASTING LADY... |
| 191 | OH, ISN'T LORI A DOLL? |
| 192 | YEAH YEAH, SHE'S GREAT BUT I KIND OF GOT THE FEELING |
| 193 | THAT SHE WAS SORT OF COMING ONTO ME |
| 194 | AND I DEFINITELY WOULD GET THE PART |
| 195 | IF I WOULD HAVE, YOU KNOW... |
| 196 | IF I WOULD HAVE SENT THE LITTLE GENERAL IN. |
| 197 | OH. |
| 198 | I SEE. |
| 199 | WELL, I'M JUST GOING TO PUT IN A CALL HERE |
| 200 | AND WE'LL FIND OUT WHAT'S GOING ON |
| 201 | AND STRAIGHTEN IT OUT. YEAH, HI. |
| 202 | LORI, PLEASE. |
| 203 | HI, DARLING. |
| 204 | SO, HOW ABOUT JOEY TRIBBIANI FOR THE PART OF THE CAB DRIVER? |
| 205 | ISN'T HE TERRIFIC? |
| 206 | UH-HUH. |
| 207 | UH-HUH. |
| 208 | OKAY, DOLL, I'LL TALK TO YOU LATER. |
| 209 | YEAH, YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO SLEEP WITH HER. |
| 210 | WHAT'S THE MATTER? FUN BOBBY. |
| 211 | WHAT, ISN'T HE SOBER? |
| 212 | HE'S SOBER, ALL RIGHT. |
| 213 | JUST TURNS OUT THAT FUN BOBBY WAS FUN FOR A REASON. |
| 214 | OH. OKAY. |
| 215 | ALL RIGHT, HERE YOU GO, SWEETIE. |
| 216 | THANKS. |
| 217 | YOU WANT TO HEAR SOMETHING FUNNY? |
| 218 | OH, GOD, YES. |
| 219 | THERE ARE NO HARDWARE STORES OPEN PAST MIDNIGHT IN THE VILLAGE. |
| 220 | THAT IS FUNNY. |
| 221 | I NEEDED TO BUY A HAMMER THE OTHER NIGHT |
| 222 | AND I'M OUT WALKING AROUND THE NEIGHBORHOOD |
| 223 | BUT APPARENTLY, THERE ARE NO HARDWARE STORES |
| 224 | OPEN PAST MIDNIGHT IN THE VILLAGE. |
| 225 | SAY, HONEY, DON'T YOU HAVE TO BE AT YOUR INTERVIEW NOW? |
| 226 | OH, YEAH. |
| 227 | SEE YOU GUYS. |
| 228 | BYE... |
| 229 | RIDICULOUSLY DULL BOBBY. |
| 230 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 231 | IT'S NOT THAT BAD. |
| 232 | NOT THAT BAD? |
| 233 | DID YOU NOT HEAR THE HAMMER STORY? |
| 234 | OKAY, OKAY. DON'T GET ALL SQUINKY. |
| 235 | MAYBE IT WAS THE KIND OF STORY WHERE YOU HAD TO BE THERE. |
| 236 | BUT I'M GOING TO BE THERE, |
| 237 | FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. |
| 238 | I CAN'T BREAK UP WITH HIM. I'M THE ONE WHO MADE HIM QUIT DRINKING. |
| 239 | HE'S DULL BECAUSE OF ME. |
| 240 | DON'T SAY THAT. |
| 241 | HE'S PROBABLY ALWAYS BEEN DULL. |
| 242 | YOU JUST, YOU KNOW, SET IT FREE. |
| 243 | HI. HEY, ROSS. BAH! |
| 244 | HI, RUSS. I'VE JUST GOT TWO MORE TABLES TO CLEAN AND THEN WE'LL GO, OKAY? |
| 245 | OKAY. I'LL JUST SIT HERE |
| 246 | AND CHAT WITH YOUR, UH, |
| 247 | FRIEND TYPE PEOPLE. |
| 248 | RACHEL. YEAH. HI. |
| 249 | YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING, RIGHT? WAITRESSING? |
| 250 | WELL, YEAH, BUT NO. I MEAN, UM, OKAY. |
| 251 | DOESN'T RUSS JUST REMIND YOU OF SOMEONE? |
| 252 | HUH. BOB SAGET? |
| 253 | OH, YEAH. |
| 254 | NO, NO, NO. OH, OH. |
| 255 | HI. OH, MY, OH. |
| 256 | WHAT'S WRONG? OKAY. |
| 257 | SHE'S JUST UPSET BECAUSE SHE |
| 258 | BUTTERED A SPIDER INTO HER TOAST THIS MORNING. |
| 259 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 260 | LISTEN, PHEEBS, THIS IS GOING TO BE OKAY. |
| 261 | ROSS, RUSS. RUSS, ROSS. |
| 262 | HI. HI. |
| 263 | ARE YOU A, UH, FRIEND OF RACHEL'S? |
| 264 | YES. YES, I AM. ARE YOU A, UH, A FRIEND OF RACHEL'S? |
| 265 | ACTUALLY, I'M, UH, KIND OF, UH |
| 266 | YOU KNOW, UH... |
| 267 | A DATE TYPE THING OF RACHEL'S. |
| 268 | A DATE? |
| 269 | YEAH. I'M HER DATE. |
| 270 | OH. OH, YOU'RE, UH... |
| 271 | OH, YOU'RE THE DATE? |
| 272 | THIS IS ACTUALLY GOOD |
| 273 | BECAUSE IF WE EVER LOSE ROSS, WE HAVE A SPARE. |
| 274 | OH, YOU ARE THE, UH, PALEONTOLOGIST. |
| 275 | YES. YES, I AM. |
| 276 | AND YOU ARE A... |
| 277 | PERIODONTIST. |
| 278 | SEE, THEY'RE AS DIFFERENT AS NIGHT AND... |
| 279 | LATER THAT NIGHT. |
| 280 | WELL, I AM GOING TO GET A BEVERAGE. |
| 281 | IT WAS NICE MEETING YOU. DITTO. |
| 282 | I, UH, WELL, I MET RUSS. |
| 283 | OH. |
| 284 | HEY, I DIDN'T KNOW WE WERE SEEING OTHER PEOPLE. |
| 285 | WELL, WE'RE NOT SEEING EACH OTHER, SO... |
| 286 | WELL, FOR YOUR INFORMATION, THERE'S A WOMAN AT THE MUSEUM |
| 287 | WHO'S CURATOR OF MOTHS AND OTHER, UH... |
| 288 | WINGED THINGS |
| 289 | WHO'S, UH... |
| 290 | LET IT BE KNOWN THAT SHE IS DRAWN TO ME |
| 291 | MUCH LIKE A... WELL, YOU KNOW. |
| 292 | WELL, SO FAR I'VE BEEN KEEPING HER AT BAY |
| 293 | BUT IF THIS IS THE DEAL, THEN... |
| 294 | WELL, YEAH, THIS IS THE DEAL. |
| 295 | OKAY, WELL, HAVE A NICE EVENING. THANK YOU. |
| 296 | RUSS, YOU READY? YEAH. |
| 297 | BYE. BYE. |
| 298 | SHE'S DATING? SHE'S DATING? |
| 299 | YES. YES, BUT DID YOU SEE WHO SHE WAS DATING? |
| 300 | WHAT DO YOU MEAN? |
| 301 | DO YOU NOT SEE IT? |
| 302 | SEE WHAT? I DON'T KNOW WHAT SHE SEES IN... THAT GOOBER. |
| 303 | AND IT... AND IT TAKES HIM, WHAT? |
| 304 | LIKE, LIKE, I DON'T KNOW, UH, UH, HELLO |
| 305 | A WEEK TO GET OUT A SENTENCE? |
| 306 | YEAH, IT'S ANNOYING, ISN'T IT? |
| 307 | YEAH. |
| 308 | HEY. HEY. |
| 309 | WHOA. SO I'M GUESSING YOU DIDN'T GET THE PART. |
| 310 | OR ITALY CALLED AND SAID IT WAS HUNGRY. |
| 311 | THE PART'S MINE IF I WANT IT. OH, MY GOD! |
| 312 | YEAH, IF I'M WILLING TO SLEEP WITH THE CASTING LADY. |
| 313 | OH, MY... GOD? |
| 314 | TEN YEARS I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR A BREAK LIKE THIS, CHANDLER. TEN YEARS. |
| 315 | I MEAN, DAYS OF OUR LIVES-- |
| 316 | THAT'S ACTUALLY ON TELEVISION. |
| 317 | SO WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO? |
| 318 | I GUESS I COULD SLEEP WITH HER. |
| 319 | BUT HOW CAN I DO THAT? |
| 320 | I'VE GOT A POP-UP BOOK |
| 321 | THAT TOLD ME EVERYTHING I NEED TO KNOW. |
| 322 | I'VE NEVER SLEPT WITH SOMEONE FOR A PART. |
| 323 | WELL, IS SHE..? |
| 324 | SORRY. |
| 325 | IS SHE GOOD-LOOKING? |
| 326 | YEAH, SHE'S TOTALLY GOOD-LOOKING. |
| 327 | IF I MET HER IN A BAR OR SOMETHING |
| 328 | I'D BE BUYING HER BREAKFAST. |
| 329 | YOU KNOW, AFTER HAVING SLEPT WITH HER. |
| 330 | YOU KNOW, MAYBE THIS ISN'T SUCH A BIG DEAL. |
| 331 | THE WAY THAT I SEE IT IS YOU GET A GREAT JOB AND YOU GET TO HAVE SEX. |
| 332 | THROW IN A TREE AND A FAT GUY |
| 333 | AND YOU'VE GOT CHRISTMAS. |
| 334 | I JUST DON'T THINK THAT I WANT IT THAT WAY THOUGH, YOU KNOW? |
| 335 | I MEAN, LET'S SAY I DO MAKE IT. |
| 336 | I'M ALWAYS GOING TO LOOK BACK AND WONDER |
| 337 | IF IT WAS BECAUSE OF MY TALENT |
| 338 | OR BECAUSE OF, YOU KNOW... |
| 339 | THE LITTLE GENERAL. |
| 340 | DIDN'T YOU USED TO CALL IT THE "LITTLE MAJOR"? |
| 341 | YEAH, BUT AFTER DENISE DiMARCO, I HAD TO PROMOTE IT. |
| 342 | CAN I GET YOU SOMETHING FROM THE BAR? |
| 343 | YES, I WOULD LIKE SOMETHING. |
| 344 | NO. NO, THANK YOU. |
| 345 | IF YOU WANT A DRINK, IT'S OKAY WITH ME. I'VE GOT TO GET USED TO IT. |
| 346 | NO, REALLY, I WOULDN'T FEEL RIGHT ABOUT IT. |
| 347 | JUST SOME WATER. |
| 348 | SO THE LIGHT WENT OUT IN MY REFRIGERATOR-- |
| 349 | I'D LIKE A SCOTCH ON THE ROCKS WITH A TWIST. |
| 350 | HEY, WE'RE HAVING SOME FUN NOW, HUH, ROSS? |
| 351 | WANT TO DO ANOTHER ONE, HUH, RUSS? |
| 352 | OKAY, 11 LETTERS. |
| 353 | "ATOMIC ELEMENT NUMBER 101." |
| 354 | ENDS IN "IUM". |
| 355 | DYSPROSIUM? |
| 356 | DYSPROSIUM? |
| 357 | TRY MENDELEVIUM. |
| 358 | AND WEENIE NUMBER TWO HAS IT. |
| 359 | UNLESS, OF COURSE, NINE DOWN-- "KNIGHTS IN WHITE SATIN" |
| 360 | WAS SUNG BY THE DOODY BLUES. |
| 361 | YOU DON'T SEE IT? |
| 362 | YOU ACTUALLY DON'T SEE IT? |
| 363 | WHAT? |
| 364 | HONEY, YOU'RE DATING ROSS. |
| 365 | NO, PHEEBS, I'M DATING RUSS. |
| 366 | RUSS IS ROSS. RUSS, ROSS. |
| 367 | STEVE, SLEEVE. |
| 368 | OKAY, NO ONE IS NAMED SLEEVE. |
| 369 | PHOEBE, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? |
| 370 | OTHER THAN THEIR NAMES BEING SIMILAR |
| 371 | I'M SORRY, I DO NOT SEE WHAT YOU'RE SEEING. |
| 372 | FOR YOUR INFORMATION |
| 373 | IT'S A CARD SHARP, NOT A CARD SHARK. |
| 374 | YOU COULD NOT BE MORE WRONG. |
| 375 | YOU COULD TRY, BUT YOU WOULD NOT BE SUCCESSFUL. |
| 376 | OKAY, I'M GOING TO GET SOME MORE COFFEE |
| 377 | BEFORE THE PINCHING AND EYE POKING BEGINS. |
| 378 | I KNOW WHAT YOUR PROBLEM IS. |
| 379 | OH, YOU DO, DO YOU? |
| 380 | MM-HM. YOU'RE JEALOUS. |
| 381 | UH... OF WHAT? |
| 382 | YOU'RE JEALOUS BECAUSE I'M A REAL DOCTOR. |
| 383 | HEY, YOU'RE A DOCTOR OF GUMS. |
| 384 | THAT'S THE SMALLEST BODY PART YOU CAN MAJOR IN. |
| 385 | IT'S LIKE, DAY ONE: FLOSS. |
| 386 | DAY TWO: HERE'S YOUR DIPLOMA. |
| 387 | NOW YOU LISTEN... NO, NO, LET ME FINISH. |
| 388 | NO, LET ME FINISH. |
| 389 | NO, YOU LET ME FIN-- |
| 390 | HI. HI. |
| 391 | EW. |
| 392 | EW, EW, EW, EW, EW, EW, EW... |
| 393 | DID JOEY SAY WHAT HE WAS GOING TO DO WHEN HE LEFT? |
| 394 | NO. I DON'T EVEN THINK HE KNEW. |
| 395 | HEY, WOULD YOU SLEEP WITH SOMEBODY TO GET A GREAT JOB? |
| 396 | I DON'T KNOW. WHO WOULD I HAVE TO SLEEP WITH? |
| 397 | ME. |
| 398 | WHY WOULD I HAVE TO SLEEP WITH YOU? |
| 399 | IT'S MY GAME. YOU WANT THE JOB, OR NOT? |
| 400 | HI. HEY. |
| 401 | MORNING. |
| 402 | WHERE ARE YOU GOING? |
| 403 | BOBBY AND I ARE GOING AWAY FOR THE WEEKEND, REMEMBER? |
| 404 | WHAT'S ALL THE BOTTLES OF LIQUOR? |
| 405 | WHAT'S GOING ON? IS BOBBY DRINKING AGAIN? |
| 406 | NO, THIS IS NOT FOR HIM; THIS IS FOR ME. |
| 407 | THAT WAY HE'S STILL SOBER, BUT I FIND HIS STORIES |
| 408 | ABOUT SHOELACES MUCH MORE AMUSING. |
| 409 | ( three slow knocks ) |
| 410 | GOD, EVEN HIS KNOCK IS BORING. |
| 411 | HI. I'LL BE READY IN JUST A SECOND. |
| 412 | COULD I TALK TO YOU A MINUTE? |
| 413 | SURE. |
| 414 | THIS IS REALLY HARD FOR ME TO SAY. |
| 415 | OH, GOD! YOU FELL OFF THE WAGON. |
| 416 | NO, NO. |
| 417 | IT'S ABOUT YOU. |
| 418 | WHAT ABOUT ME? |
| 419 | I THINK YOU MAY HAVE A DRINKING PROBLEM. |
| 420 | WHAT? THESE? |
| 421 | NO, THESE ARE, UM... FOR CUTS AND SCRAPES. |
| 422 | LOOK, I AM JUST NOT STRONG ENOUGH |
| 423 | TO BE IN A CO-DEPENDENT RELATIONSHIP RIGHT NOW, OKAY? |
| 424 | OH, SHOOT. |
| 425 | WELL, ANYWAY, I HOPE WE CAN BE FRIENDS. |
| 426 | OKAY. |
| 427 | TAKE CARE. OKAY, YOU TOO. |
| 428 | BYE. |
| 429 | WHAT HAPPENED? |
| 430 | WELL, WE KIND OF BROKE UP. |
| 431 | All: OH... |
| 432 | DOES ANYBODY WANT THESE? |
| 433 | I'LL TAKE ONE. |
| 434 | SOMETIMES I LIKE TO HOLD STUFF LIKE THIS AND PRETEND I'M A GIANT. |
| 435 | HEY. HEY. HOW'D THE CALLBACK GO? |
| 436 | IT WAS UNBELIEVABLE. I WALKED IN THERE, AND SHE WAS ALL OVER ME. |
| 437 | SO, WHAT'D YOU DO? I COULDN'T DO IT. |
| 438 | I TOLD HER I DIDN'T WANT TO GET THE PART THAT WAY. |
| 439 | GOOD FOR YOU. BUT WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. |
| 440 | BUT THEN AFTER I LEFT HER OFFICE |
| 441 | SHE CAUGHT UP WITH ME AT THE ELEVATOR |
| 442 | AND OFFERED ME AN EVEN BIGGER PART. |
| 443 | SO, AND? |
| 444 | SO, YOU ARE NOW LOOKING |
| 445 | AT DR. DRAKE RAMORAY, NEUROSURGEON |
| 446 | RECURRING IN AT LEAST FOUR EPISODES! |
| 447 | ( cheering ) |
| 448 | ALL RIGHT, I GOT TO GO SHOWER. |
| 449 | HI. |
| 450 | OH, HEY. HI. |
| 451 | I GUESS YOU GUYS HEARD RACHEL DUMPED ME. |
| 452 | YEAH, I'M SORRY, MAN. |
| 453 | ALL SHE SAID WAS I REMIND HER TOO MUCH OF SOMEBODY. |
| 454 | DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO SHE'S TALKING ABOUT? |
| 455 | UM... OH, I DO. |
| 456 | IT'S BOB SAGET. |
| 457 | SHE HATES HIM. |
| 458 | HEY. |
| 459 | HEY, JULIE. |
| 460 | HOW ARE YOU DOING? |
| 461 | I DON'T KNOW. |
| 462 | IT'S DEFINITELY WEIRD NOT BEING WITH ROSS |
| 463 | BUT I GUESS I'M DOING OKAY. |
| 464 | ACTUALLY, I'VE GOT SOME OF HIS STUFF THAT HE... |
| 465 | |
| 1 | OKAY, HERE'S HIS DIAPER BAG |
| 2 | AND HIS, UH, MR. WINKY |
| 3 | AND, UH... OH. |
| 4 | HIM. HI. |
| 5 | SO HOW DID EVERYTHING GO? |
| 6 | OH, GREAT. GREAT. |
| 7 | THERE WAS A PROJECTILE, UH, THROWING UP INCIDENT |
| 8 | BUT HE STARTED IT. |
| 9 | ( both chuckling ) |
| 10 | WELL, WE'VE GOT TO GO. |
| 11 | OKAY. |
| 12 | ( clearing throat ) |
| 13 | OH, RIGHT. |
| 14 | UM, I'VE GOT SOME NEWS. |
| 15 | IT'S ABOUT US. |
| 16 | OH, YOU AND ME? |
| 17 | UH, NO, SUSAN AND ME. |
| 18 | THE OTHER US. |
| 19 | OKAY. |
| 20 | WE'RE, UH... |
| 21 | WE'RE GETTING MARRIED. |
| 22 | AS IN "I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU WIFE AND WIFE" MARRIED? |
| 23 | ANYWAY, WE'D LIKE YOU TO COME |
| 24 | BUT WE TOTALLY UNDERSTAND IF YOU DON'T WANT TO. |
| 25 | YEAH. WELL, WHY WOULDN'T I WANT TO COME? |
| 26 | I HAD FUN AT THE FIRST WEDDING. |
| 27 | LOOK, I JUST THOUGHT... NO, NO, NO, NO. |
| 28 | I MEAN, WHY SHOULDN'T I BE HAPPY FOR YOU? |
| 29 | YOU KNOW, I MEAN, WHAT WOULD IT SAY ABOUT ME |
| 30 | IF I COULDN'T, UH, REVEL IN YOUR JOY-- |
| 31 | AND I'M REVELING, BABY, BELIEVE ME. |
| 32 | IS YOUR FINGER CAUGHT IN THAT CHAIR? |
| 33 | MM-HMM. |
| 34 | WANT US TO GO? |
| 35 | UH-HUH. |
| 36 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 37 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 38 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 39 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 40 | ♪ AND IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY ♪ |
| 41 | ♪ YOUR WEEK, YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 42 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 43 | ♪ WHEN THE RAIN STARTS TO FALL ♪ |
| 44 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 45 | ♪ LIKE I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE ♪ |
| 46 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 47 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME TOO. ♪ |
| 48 | THIS IS SO COOL. |
| 49 | YOU'RE ACTUALLY GOING TO BE ON TELEVISION. |
| 50 | I KNOW. IT REALLY HIT ME LAST NIGHT. |
| 51 | I'M GOING TO BE ON DAYS OF OUR LIVES. |
| 52 | AND THEN I STARTED THINKING ABOUT ALL OF US |
| 53 | AND HOW THESE ARE THE DAYS OF OUR LIVES. |
| 54 | YES! |
| 55 | All: WHAT? |
| 56 | CAROL AND SUSAN'S CATERER |
| 57 | HAD A MOUNTAIN BIKE ACCIDENT THIS WEEKEND |
| 58 | AND SHE'S IN A FULL BODY CAST. |
| 59 | All: YES! |
| 60 | THEY WANT ME TO DO IT, WHICH IS COOL |
| 61 | SINCE I'VE NEVER CATERED, I NEED THE MONEY, AND... |
| 62 | THIS ISN'T A PROBLEM, IS IT? |
| 63 | WOULD IT MATTER? |
| 64 | OH, YOU ARE SO GREAT. |
| 65 | THANK YOU. |
| 66 | ARE YOU REALLY NOT GOING? |
| 67 | I'M REALLY NOT GOING. |
| 68 | I MEAN, I DON'T GET IT. |
| 69 | THEY ALREADY LIVE TOGETHER. |
| 70 | WHY DO THEY NEED TO GET MARRIED? |
| 71 | BECAUSE THEY LOVE EACH OTHER |
| 72 | AND THEY WANT TO CELEBRATE THAT LOVE |
| 73 | WITH THE PEOPLE THAT ARE CLOSE TO THEM. |
| 74 | IF YOU WANT TO CALL THAT A REASON. |
| 75 | ♪ WHO'S THE BITTEREST MAN IN THE LIVING ROOM? ♪ |
| 76 | ♪ THE BITTEREST MAN IN THE LIVING ROOM? ♪ |
| 77 | HI, NEIGHBOR. |
| 78 | ROSS, I THOUGHT YOU WERE OVER THIS. |
| 79 | BETH HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS, OKAY? |
| 80 | SHE'S MY EX-WIFE. |
| 81 | IF SHE WERE MARRYING A GUY |
| 82 | NONE OF YOU WOULD EXPECT ME TO BE THERE. |
| 83 | HEY, IF SHE WERE MARRYING A GUY |
| 84 | SHE'D BE, LIKE, THE WORST LESBIAN EVER. |
| 85 | DID I MISS IT? DID I MISS IT? |
| 86 | NO, NO, I'M ON RIGHT AFTER THIS GUY SHOOTS HIMSELF. |
| 87 | WHOA, SHE'S PRETTY. |
| 88 | YEAH. |
| 89 | OH, AND SHE'S REALLY NICE TOO. |
| 90 | SHE TAUGHT ME ALL ABOUT, YOU KNOW |
| 91 | HOW TO WORK WITH THE CAMERAS |
| 92 | AND "SMELL THE FART" ACTING. |
| 93 | HUH. |
| 94 | I'M SORRY... |
| 95 | WHAT? EXCUSE ME? WHAT? |
| 96 | IT'S LIKE, YOU GOT SO MANY LINES |
| 97 | TO LEARN SO FAST |
| 98 | THAT SOMETIMES YOU NEED A MINUTE |
| 99 | TO REMEMBER YOUR NEXT ONE |
| 100 | SO WHILE YOU'RE THINKING OF IT |
| 101 | YOU TAKE THIS BIG PAUSE, WHERE YOU LOOK ALL INTENSE |
| 102 | YOU KNOW, LIKE THIS. |
| 103 | OKAY. OHH. |
| 104 | ( gunshot on TV ) |
| 105 | OH, HERE'S MY SCENE! HERE'S MY SCENE! |
| 106 | Mrs. Wallace? Yes? |
| 107 | I'm Dr. Drake Ramoray |
| 108 | your sister's neurosurgeon. |
| 109 | Tell me, is she going to be all right? |
| 110 | I'm afraid the situation |
| 111 | is much more dire than we'd expected. |
| 112 | Your sister is suffering from a... |
| 113 | a subcranial hematoma. |
| 114 | ( exhaling ) |
| 115 | Perhaps we can discuss this further over coffee. |
| 116 | NICE! ( squealing ) |
| 117 | EXCELLENT! GREAT! |
| 118 | YOU KNOW, FOR A MINUTE THERE I THOUGHT YOU WERE |
| 119 | ACTUALLY TRYING TO SMELL SOMETHING. |
| 120 | DO IT AGAIN! ALL RIGHT. |
| 121 | "DAMN IT, BRAVERMAN, IT'S RIGHT THERE ON THE CHART." |
| 122 | ( all cheering ) |
| 123 | THAT'S GREAT. ALL RIGHT, I GOT TO GET TO WORK. |
| 124 | I GOT A BIG DINOSAUR BONE TO INSPECT. |
| 125 | NO, NO. NO, THAT'S ME. |
| 126 | OH, RIGHT. |
| 127 | OH. |
| 128 | HELLO. OH. THANKS. |
| 129 | I COULDN'T, UH... |
| 130 | IS EVERYTHING OKAY? |
| 131 | UM, NO. |
| 132 | HUH-UH. UM... |
| 133 | ONE OF MY CLIENTS DIED |
| 134 | ON THE MASSAGE TABLE TODAY. |
| 135 | OH! OH, MY GOD. |
| 136 | THAT'S A LITTLE MORE RELAXED THAN YOU WANT THEM TO GET. |
| 137 | YEAH, UH-HUH. |
| 138 | UM, SHE WAS, YOU KNOW, 82 YEARS OLD |
| 139 | AND, UM, HER NAME WAS, UM, MRS. ADELMAN. |
| 140 | OH, HONEY. |
| 141 | YEAH, IT'S JUST SO STRANGE, I MEAN... |
| 142 | SHE PROBABLY WOKE UP THIS MORNING AND THOUGHT |
| 143 | "ALL RIGHT, SO I'LL HAVE SOME BREAKFAST |
| 144 | "AND I'LL TAKE A LITTLE WALK |
| 145 | AND THEN I'LL HAVE MY MASSAGE." |
| 146 | LITTLE DID SHE KNOW |
| 147 | GOD WAS THINKING, "OKAY, BUT THAT'S IT." |
| 148 | OHH! OH, BUT THE WEIRDEST THING WAS, OKAY... |
| 149 | I WAS CLEANSING HER AURA WHEN IT HAPPENED? |
| 150 | AND WHEN-WHEN HER SPIRIT LEFT HER BODY |
| 151 | I DON'T THINK IT WENT VERY FAR. |
| 152 | WHAT DO YOU MEAN? |
| 153 | I-I-I THINK IT WENT INTO ME. |
| 154 | GOD, THIS IS SO HARD. |
| 155 | I CAN'T DECIDE BETWEEN LAMB OR DUCK. |
| 156 | WELL, OF COURSE, LAMBS ARE SCARIER. |
| 157 | OTHERWISE, THE MOVIE WOULD HAVE BEEN CALLED |
| 158 | SILENCE OF THE DUCKS. |
| 159 | OKAY, WHO ORDERED WHAT? |
| 160 | OH, I BELIEVE I HAD THE HALF-DRUNK CAPPUCCINO |
| 161 | WITH THE LIPSTICK ON THE RIM. |
| 162 | YES, AND THIS WITH THE CIGARETTE BUTT IN IT-- |
| 163 | IS THAT DECAF? |
| 164 | OH, GOD. |
| 165 | YOU'RE SO UPTIGHT ABOUT YOUR MOM COMING. |
| 166 | I KNOW, BUT IT'S THE FIRST TIME |
| 167 | AND I DON'T WANT HER TO THINK |
| 168 | THAT BECAUSE I DIDN'T MARRY BARRY |
| 169 | MY LIFE IS CRAP, YOU KNOW? |
| 170 | ( as Mrs. Adelman ): TALK ABOUT CRAP... |
| 171 | TRY STELLA NEIDMAN TELLING THE STORY |
| 172 | OF HER AND ROD STEIGER FOR THE HUNDREDTH TIME. |
| 173 | UH, PHEEBS, HOW LONG DO YOU THINK |
| 174 | THIS LADY WILL BE WITH US? |
| 175 | ( speaking normally ): I DON'T KNOW. |
| 176 | SHE OBVIOUSLY HAS SOME KIND OF UNFINISHED BUSINESS. |
| 177 | SIT UP! |
| 178 | THERE SHE IS! |
| 179 | MOM! |
| 180 | HI, SWEETIE! |
| 181 | ( both cooing ) |
| 182 | OH... |
| 183 | SO THIS IS WHERE YOU WORK. |
| 184 | OH, IT'S WONDERFUL. |
| 185 | IS IT A LIVING ROOM? |
| 186 | IS IT A RESTAURANT? |
| 187 | WHO CAN TELL? |
| 188 | WELL, I GUESS THAT'S THE FUN. |
| 189 | PRETTY MUCH. |
| 190 | HERE, MEET MY FRIENDS. |
| 191 | MONICA! YOU LOOK GORGEOUS! |
| 192 | OH, MY, THE LAST TIME I SAW YOU |
| 193 | IT WAS EAT OR BE EATEN. |
| 194 | UH, THIS IS JOEY. HI. |
| 195 | THIS IS PHOEBE. HELLO. |
| 196 | AND THIS IS CHANDLER |
| 197 | AND YOU REMEMBER ROSS. HI. |
| 198 | OH, HELLO, ROSS. |
| 199 | HI, MRS. GREEN. |
| 200 | SO... |
| 201 | WHAT DO YOU THINK OF MY DAUGHTER IN THE APRON |
| 202 | WITH THE BIG JOB? |
| 203 | OH, MOM. |
| 204 | OH, HEY. |
| 205 | IF YOU DIDN'T POUR THE COFFEE |
| 206 | NO ONE WOULD HAVE ANYTHING TO DRINK. |
| 207 | BELIEVE ME. SOMETIMES THAT HAPPENS. |
| 208 | THIS IS JUST SO EXCITING. |
| 209 | YOU KNOW, I NEVER WORKED. |
| 210 | I WENT STRAIGHT FROM MY FATHER'S HOUSE |
| 211 | TO THE SORORITY HOUSE TO MY HUSBAND'S HOUSE. |
| 212 | I AM JUST SO PROUD OF YOU. |
| 213 | OH, REALLY? YES. |
| 214 | ( as Mrs. Adelman ): I KNOW WHO IT IS YOU REMIND ME OF-- |
| 215 | EVELYN DERMER. |
| 216 | COURSE, THAT'S BEFORE SHE GOT THE LOUSY FACELIFT. |
| 217 | NOW SHE LOOKS LIKE SOUPY SALES. |
| 218 | PHEEBS, WHO'S EVELYN DERMER? |
| 219 | I DON'T KNOW. WHO'S SOUPY SALES? |
| 220 | Sandra: OH, MY GOD! |
| 221 | THERE'S AN UNATTRACTIVE NUDE MAN |
| 222 | PLAYING THE CELLO. |
| 223 | YEAH, WELL, JUST BE GLAD |
| 224 | HE'S NOT PLAYING A SMALLER INSTRUMENT. |
| 225 | ( laughing ) |
| 226 | YOU HAVE SOME LIFE HERE, SWEETIE. |
| 227 | I KNOW, AND MOM I REALIZE YOU AND DADDY WERE UPSET |
| 228 | WHEN I DIDN'T MARRY BARRY AND GET THE BIG HOUSE IN THE SUBURBS |
| 229 | WITH ALL THE SECURITY AND EVERYTHING |
| 230 | BUT, GOD, THIS IS JUST SO MUCH BETTER FOR ME, YOU KNOW? |
| 231 | I DO KNOW. |
| 232 | YOU DIDN'T LOVE BARRY, HONEY |
| 233 | AND I'VE NEVER SEEN YOU THIS HAPPY. |
| 234 | I LOOK AT YOU AND I THINK |
| 235 | "OH, THIS IS WHAT I WANT." |
| 236 | FOR... ME. |
| 237 | WELL, NOT JUST FOR YOU. |
| 238 | WELL, WHAT DO YOU MEAN? |
| 239 | I'M, UH... |
| 240 | CONSIDERING LEAVING YOUR FATHER. |
| 241 | ALL RIGHT, TELL ME IF THIS IS TOO CUTE... |
| 242 | LESBIAN WEDDING... |
| 243 | CHICKEN BREASTS. |
| 244 | OH, GOD. |
| 245 | I THINK I'M GOING TO BE SICK. |
| 246 | WHAT? IT'S NOT LIKE I'M PUTTING |
| 247 | LITTLE NIPPLES ON THEM. |
| 248 | YOU HAD NO IDEA THEY WEREN'T GETTING ALONG? NONE. |
| 249 | THEY DIDN'T FIGHT A LOT? |
| 250 | NO. THEY DIDN'T EVEN TALK TO EACH OTHER. |
| 251 | MY GOD, HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW |
| 252 | THEY WERE HAVING PROBLEMS? |
| 253 | YOU KNOW, IN MY DAY, DIVORCE WAS NOT AN OPTION. |
| 254 | HEY, LOOK WHO'S UP. |
| 255 | OH, I JUST CAN'T BELIEVE THIS IS HAPPENING. |
| 256 | WHEN I WAS LITTLE EVERYBODY'S PARENTS WERE GETTING DIVORCED. |
| 257 | I JUST FIGURED AS A GROWN-UP |
| 258 | I WOULDN'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT THIS. |
| 259 | IS THERE ANY CHANCE YOU CAN LOOK AT THIS AS FLATTERING? |
| 260 | SHE'S DOING IT BECAUSE SHE WANTS TO BE MORE LIKE YOU. |
| 261 | WELL, THEN, YOU KNOW COULDN'T SHE HAVE |
| 262 | JUST COPIED MY HAIRCUT? |
| 263 | WHEN MY PARENTS GOT DIVORCED, THEY SENT ME TO THIS SHRINK |
| 264 | AND SHE TOLD ME ALL KIDS HAVE A TENDENCY TO BLAME THEMSELVES |
| 265 | BUT IN YOUR CASE, IT'S ACTUALLY KIND OF TRUE. |
| 266 | OOH, THAT'S HIM. |
| 267 | DAMN. |
| 268 | MY MAIL-ORDER GRANDFATHER HASN'T COME YET. |
| 269 | PHOEBE? YES. |
| 270 | HI, MR. ADELMAN. NICE TO SEE YOU. |
| 271 | THANKS FOR MEETING ME. |
| 272 | THAT'S ALL RIGHT ALTHOUGH YOU DID CUT |
| 273 | INTO MY VERY BUSY DAY OF SITTING. |
| 274 | OH. |
| 275 | OH, DO YOU WANT TO SIT? |
| 276 | OH, NO, NO. PLEASE. I SPENT MOST OF MID-MORNING |
| 277 | TRYING TO STAND UP. |
| 278 | NOW, WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU, MY DEAR? |
| 279 | OKAY, I DON'T KNOW HOW TO SAY THIS, BUT, UM... |
| 280 | I THINK WHEN YOUR WIFE'S SPIRIT LEFT HER BODY |
| 281 | IT KIND OF STUCK AROUND... IN ME. |
| 282 | YOU'RE SAYING MY WIFE IS IN YOU? |
| 283 | YEAH. |
| 284 | OKAY, YOU DON'T HAVE TO BELIEVE ME |
| 285 | BUT CAN YOU THINK |
| 286 | OF ANY UNFINISHED BUSINESS SHE MIGHT HAVE HAD? |
| 287 | LIKE, ANY REASON SHE'D BE HANGING AROUND? |
| 288 | WELL, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO TELL YOU, DEAR. |
| 289 | THE ONLY THING I CAN THINK OF IS THAT SHE ALWAYS USED TO SAY |
| 290 | THAT BEFORE SHE DIED, SHE WANTED TO SEE EVERYTHING. |
| 291 | EVERYTHING? |
| 292 | EVERYTHING. |
| 293 | WHOA! THAT'S A LOT OF STUFF. |
| 294 | OH, WAIT! I REMEMBER. |
| 295 | SHE ALSO SAID SHE WANTED TO SLEEP WITH ME |
| 296 | ONE LAST TIME. |
| 297 | UH, I'M SORRY. |
| 298 | THERE'S LAUGHING IN MY HEAD. |
| 299 | WORTH A SHOT, HUH? |
| 300 | Sandra: OH, LOOK AT THIS! |
| 301 | OH, THESE ARE ALL HALLOWEEN |
| 302 | THREE YEARS AGO. |
| 303 | OH, AND LOOK, HERE'S BARRY. |
| 304 | OH, DID HE HAVE TO COME STRAIGHT FROM THE OFFICE? |
| 305 | OH, NO. THAT WAS HIS COSTUME. |
| 306 | SEE, HE'S ACTUALLY AN ORTHODONTIST |
| 307 | BUT HE CAME AS A REGULAR DENTIST. |
| 308 | YOU GUYS, REMEMBER WHEN I SAID BEFORE |
| 309 | "THANK YOU, BUT I DON'T REALLY NEED YOUR HELP"? |
| 310 | ACTUALLY, WHAT I THINK YOU SAID WAS |
| 311 | "DON'T TOUCH THAT AND GET THE HELL OUT OF MY KITCHEN." |
| 312 | REALLY? WEIRD. |
| 313 | ANYWAY, SEE, I PLANNED EVERYTHING REALLY WELL. |
| 314 | I PLANNED AND I PLANNED AND I PLANNED |
| 315 | BUT I DON'T THINK I PLANNED ENOUGH TIME TO ACTUALLY DO IT. |
| 316 | MON, YOU WANT SOME HELP? |
| 317 | IF YOU WANT. |
| 318 | HEY. |
| 319 | Both: HEY. |
| 320 | WHAT A DAY. |
| 321 | OH, I TOOK HER EVERYWHERE. |
| 322 | THE MUSEUM OF MODERN ART, ROCKEFELLER CENTER, |
| 323 | THE STATUE OF LIBERTY. |
| 324 | SHE'S STILL WITH YOU. YEAH. |
| 325 | I GUESS SHE HASN'T SEEN EVERYTHING YET. |
| 326 | OH, I'LL BE RIGHT BACK. |
| 327 | SHE HAS TO GO TO THE BATHROOM AGAIN. |
| 328 | ( as Mrs. Adelman ): OH, SUCH A PRETTY FACE. |
| 329 | ( giggles ) |
| 330 | OH, THIS IS SO MUCH FUN. |
| 331 | JUST THE GIRLS. |
| 332 | DO YOU KNOW WHAT WE SHOULD DO? |
| 333 | DOES ANYBODY HAVE ANY MARIJUANA? |
| 334 | GOD! |
| 335 | ALL RIGHT, LOOK. |
| 336 | NO ONE'S SMOKING POT AROUND ALL THIS FOOD. |
| 337 | WELL, THAT'S FINE. |
| 338 | I NEVER DID IT. |
| 339 | I JUST THOUGHT I MIGHT. |
| 340 | SO... WHAT'S NEW IN SEX? |
| 341 | ( groans ) |
| 342 | "WHAT'S NEW IN SEX"? |
| 343 | THE ONLY MAN I'VE EVER BEEN WITH IS YOUR FATHER. |
| 344 | I'M DICING. I'M DICING. I DON'T HEAR ANYTHING. |
| 345 | I MEAN THIS AS NO OFFENSE TO YOUR DAD, SWEETIE |
| 346 | BUT I WAS THINKING THERE MIGHT BE MORE. |
| 347 | OH, I'M SORRY. YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 348 | I CANNOT HAVE THIS CONVERSATION WITH YOU. |
| 349 | ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. |
| 350 | GOD, YOU DROP THIS BOMB ON ME |
| 351 | BEFORE YOU EVEN TELL DADDY. |
| 352 | WHAT? WHAT DO YOU WANT? DO YOU WANT MY BLESSING? |
| 353 | YOU WANT ME TO TALK YOU OUT OF IT? NO. |
| 354 | THEN WHAT? WHAT DO YOU WANT? |
| 355 | I FIGURED OF ALL PEOPLE, YOU WOULD UNDERSTAND. |
| 356 | WHY ON EARTH WOULD I UNDERSTAND THIS? |
| 357 | YOU DIDN'T MARRY YOUR BARRY, HONEY |
| 358 | BUT I MARRIED MINE. |
| 359 | OH. |
| 360 | ALL RIGHT, PEOPLE, WE'RE IN TROUBLE HERE. |
| 361 | WE'VE GOT 12 HOURS AND 36 MINUTES LEFT. |
| 362 | MOVE! MOVE! MOVE! |
| 363 | MONICA, I FEEL LIKE YOU SHOULD HAVE GERMAN SUBTITLES. |
| 364 | JOEY, SPEED IT UP! |
| 365 | I'M SORRY. IT'S THE PIGS! |
| 366 | THEY'RE RELUCTANT TO GET IN THE BLANKETS. |
| 367 | MONICA, HOW DID THIS HAPPEN? |
| 368 | I THOUGHT YOU HAD THIS ALL PLANNED OUT. |
| 369 | DO YOU WANT ME TO CRY? |
| 370 | IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT? |
| 371 | DO YOU WANT TO SEE ME CRY? |
| 372 | SIR, NO, SIR! |
| 373 | ALL RIGHT, YOU. |
| 374 | WHAT? NO. |
| 375 | LOOK, I TOLD YOU. |
| 376 | I AM NOT A PART OF THIS THING. |
| 377 | ALL RIGHT, LOOK, ROSS. |
| 378 | I REALIZE THAT YOU HAVE ISSUES WITH CAROL AND SUSAN |
| 379 | AND I FEEL FOR YOU, BUT IF YOU DON'T HELP ME COOK |
| 380 | I'M GOING TO TAKE A BUNCH OF THOSE LITTLE HOT DOGS |
| 381 | AND CREATE A NEW APPETIZER CALLED "PIGS-IN-ROSS." |
| 382 | ALL RIGHT, BALL A MELON! |
| 383 | HEY, HOW COME I'M STUCK DICING |
| 384 | WHEN HE GETS TO BALL A MELON? |
| 385 | ( knocking at door ) |
| 386 | HI. HI. HOW'S IT GOING? |
| 387 | OH, IT'S GOING GREAT, RIGHT ON SCHEDULE. |
| 388 | GOT MY LITTLE HAPPY HELPERS. |
| 389 | ( all groan ) |
| 390 | WELL, THAT'S FINE. WHATEVER. |
| 391 | WHAT'S THE MATTER? |
| 392 | NOTHING. |
| 393 | OKAY, EVERYTHING. |
| 394 | I THINK WE'RE CALLING OFF THE WEDDING. |
| 395 | WHAT? |
| 396 | YOU'RE STILL GOING TO PAY ME, RIGHT? |
| 397 | OR SOMETHING A LITTLE LESS SELFISH. |
| 398 | WHAT'S THE MATTER? WHAT HAPPENED? |
| 399 | MY PARENTS CALLED THIS AFTERNOON |
| 400 | TO SAY THEY WEREN'T COMING. |
| 401 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 402 | I KNEW THEY WERE HAVING TROUBLE |
| 403 | WITH THIS WHOLE THING BUT... BUT THEY'RE MY PARENTS. |
| 404 | THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO GIVE ME AWAY AND EVERYTHING. |
| 405 | OKAY. I'M SORRY. |
| 406 | THEN SUSAN AND I GOT IN THIS BIG FIGHT |
| 407 | 'CAUSE I SAID MAYBE WE SHOULD CALL OFF THE WEDDING |
| 408 | AND THEN SHE SAID, "WE'RE NOT DOING THIS FOR THEM. |
| 409 | WE'RE DOING IT FOR US," AND IF I COULDN'T SEE THAT |
| 410 | THEN MAYBE WE SHOULD CALL OFF THE WEDDING |
| 411 | AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. |
| 412 | I, UH, CAN'T BELIEVE I'M GOING TO SAY THIS |
| 413 | BUT I THINK SUSAN'S RIGHT. |
| 414 | YOU DO? |
| 415 | LOOK, DO YOU LOVE HER? |
| 416 | AND YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE TOO EMPHATIC ABOUT THIS. |
| 417 | OF COURSE, I DO. |
| 418 | WELL, THEN, THAT'S IT |
| 419 | AND IF GEORGE AND ADELAIDE CAN'T ACCEPT THAT |
| 420 | THEN THE HELL WITH THEM. |
| 421 | LOOK. I MEAN... |
| 422 | IF MY PARENTS DIDN'T WANT ME TO MARRY YOU |
| 423 | NO WAY THAT WOULD HAVE STOPPED ME. |
| 424 | LOOK, THIS IS YOUR WEDDING. |
| 425 | DO IT. |
| 426 | YOU'RE RIGHT. |
| 427 | OF COURSE, YOU'RE RIGHT. |
| 428 | SO WE'RE BACK ON? |
| 429 | WE'RE BACK ON. |
| 430 | YOU HEARD HER! PEEL! CHOP! DEVIL! |
| 431 | I CAN'T BELIEVE I LOST TWO MINUTES. |
| 432 | IT JUST SEEMS SO FUTILE, YOU KNOW? |
| 433 | ALL THESE WOMEN AND... |
| 434 | NOTHING. |
| 435 | I FEEL LIKE SUPERMAN WITHOUT MY POWERS, YOU KNOW? |
| 436 | I HAVE THE CAPE AND YET I CANNOT FLY. |
| 437 | WELL, NOW YOU UNDERSTAND HOW I FEEL EVERY SINGLE DAY. |
| 438 | OKAY? THE WORLD IS MY LESBIAN WEDDING. |
| 439 | ( playing classical music ) |
| 440 | ( crackling ) |
| 441 | ( as Mrs. Adelman ): BUTTERSCOTCH? |
| 442 | NO ONE? |
| 443 | ALL RIGHT, YOU'LL BE SORRY LATER. |
| 444 | THANK YOU. |
| 445 | ANYTIME. |
| 446 | ROSS. |
| 447 | YOU KNOW, NOTHING MAKES |
| 448 | GOD HAPPIER THAN WHEN TWO PEOPLE-- |
| 449 | ANY TWO PEOPLE-- COME TOGETHER IN LOVE. |
| 450 | FRIENDS, FAMILY, WE'RE GATHERED HERE TODAY |
| 451 | TO JOIN CAROL AND SUSAN IN HOLY MATRIMONY. |
| 452 | OH, MY GOD! |
| 453 | NOW, I'VE SEEN EVERYTHING. |
| 454 | WHOA! SHE'S GONE. |
| 455 | SHE'S GONE. |
| 456 | SHE'S GONE. |
| 457 | GO AHEAD. GET MARRIED. GO. GO. |
| 458 | Monica: WOULD YOU LOOK AT THEM? |
| 459 | YEAH. CAN'T HELP BUT. |
| 460 | HOW'S THAT PIG-IN-THE-BLANKET |
| 461 | WORKING OUT FOR YOU? |
| 462 | I WRAPPED THOSE BAD BOYS. |
| 463 | I MISS ROSE. |
| 464 | OH, YEAH? |
| 465 | I KNOW IT'S WEIRD |
| 466 | BUT SHE WAS A BIG PART |
| 467 | OF MY LIFE THERE |
| 468 | AND, YOU KNOW, I JUST FEEL KIND OF ALONE. |
| 469 | YOU KNOW, I, UH... |
| 470 | COULDN'T HELP OVERHEARING WHAT YOU JUST SAID AND, UH... |
| 471 | I THINK IT'S TIME FOR YOU TO FORGET ABOUT ROSE |
| 472 | MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIFE. |
| 473 | HOW ABOUT WE GO GET YOU A DRINK? |
| 474 | OKAY. THAT'S SO NICE. |
| 475 | I SHOULDN'T EVEN BOTHER |
| 476 | COMING UP WITH A LINE, RIGHT? |
| 477 | HEY, MOM, YOU HAVING FUN? |
| 478 | OH, AM I. |
| 479 | I JUST DANCED WITH A WONDERFULLY-LARGE WOMAN |
| 480 | AND THREE OTHER GIRLS MADE EYES AT ME |
| 481 | OVER AT THE BUFFET. |
| 482 | OH, I'M NOT SAYING IT'S SOMETHING I WANT TO PURSUE |
| 483 | BUT IT'S NICE TO KNOW I HAVE OPTIONS. |
| 484 | UH-HUH. THAT'S GOOD. |
| 485 | ( clears throat ) |
| 486 | THERE'S MORE ALCOHOL, RIGHT? |
| 487 | HOW YOU DOING? |
| 488 | OKAY. |
| 489 | YOU DID A GOOD THING TODAY. |
| 490 | YEAH.... |
| 491 | YOU WANT TO DANCE? |
| 492 | NO. THAT'S FINE. |
| 493 | COME ON. |
| 494 | I'LL LET YOU LEAD. |
| 495 | OKAY. |
| 496 | ALL RIGHT, LOOK. |
| 497 | PENIS, SCHMEENIS, OKAY? |
| 498 | WE'RE ALL PEOPLE. |
| 499 | WHICH ONE OF US DO YOU THINK |
| 500 | IS GOING TO BE THE FIRST ONE TO GET MARRIED? |
| 501 | UH, MON, I WAS MARRIED. |
| 502 | YEAH, ME, TOO, TECHNICALLY. |
| 503 | I HAD A WEDDING. |
| 504 | JUST TRYING TO START AN INTERESTING DISCUSSION. |
| 505 | Joey: I GOT ONE. |
| 506 | WHICH ONE OF US WILL BE THE LAST TO GET MARRIED? |
| 507 | WHA..? ISN'T BEN IN THIS? |
| 508 | ( all agreeing ) |
| 509 | OH, OH... |
| 510 | |
| 1 | Man: CAN'T GET THE MONKEY OFF YOUR BACK? |
| 2 | THEN PUT IT |
| 3 | IN YOUR MOUTH. |
| 4 | THAT COMMERCIAL ALWAYS MAKES ME SO SAD. |
| 5 | YEAH, BUT THEN, THE GUY OPENS HIS BEER |
| 6 | AND THOSE GIRLS RUN AT HIM |
| 7 | SO EVERYTHING SEEMS TO WORK OUT OKAY. |
| 8 | I MEANT BECAUSE THE MONKEY IN IT REMINDS ME OF MARCEL. |
| 9 | I CAN SEE THAT. |
| 10 | 'CAUSE THEY BOTH HAVE THOSE BIG, BROWN EYES |
| 11 | AND, YOU KNOW, THE LITTLE, POUTY CHIN... |
| 12 | AND THE FACT THAT THEY'RE BOTH MONKEYS. |
| 13 | SOMETIMES I WONDER IF I DID THE RIGHT THING |
| 14 | GIVING HIM AWAY. |
| 15 | ROSS, YOU HAD TO. |
| 16 | HE WAS HUMPING EVERYTHING IN SIGHT. |
| 17 | I MEAN, I HAVE A MALIBU BARBIE WHO WILL NO LONGER BE WEARING |
| 18 | WHITE TO HER WEDDING. |
| 19 | REMEMBER WHEN, SOMETIMES, HE'D BORROW YOUR HAT |
| 20 | AND WHEN YOU GOT IT BACK |
| 21 | THERE'D BE LITTLE MONKEY RAISINS IN IT? |
| 22 | YEAH, SURE, WHEN HE DID IT, IT WAS FUNNY. |
| 23 | WHEN I DID IT |
| 24 | TO MY BOSS'S HAT? |
| 25 | ALL OF A SUDDEN, I HAD |
| 26 | THIS BIG "ATTITUDE PROBLEM." |
| 27 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 28 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 29 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 30 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 31 | ♪ AND IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY, YOUR WEEK ♪ |
| 32 | ♪ YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 33 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 34 | ♪ WHEN THE RAIN STARTS TO POUR ♪ |
| 35 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 36 | ♪ LIKE I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE ♪ |
| 37 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 38 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME TOO. ♪ |
| 39 | HEY, HEY. CHECK IT OUT. |
| 40 | GUESS WHAT I GOT. |
| 41 | RHYTHM? |
| 42 | NO. MY FIRST FAN MAIL. |
| 43 | ALL RIGHT. HEY. |
| 44 | "DEAR DR. RAMORAY: KNOW THAT I LOVE YOU |
| 45 | AND WOULD DO ANYTHING TO HAVE YOU." |
| 46 | GOSH! |
| 47 | "YOUR NOT-SO-SECRET ADMIRER, ERIKA FORD." |
| 48 | OH, WAIT. |
| 49 | "P.S.: ENCLOSED PLEASE FIND 14 OF MY EYELASHES." |
| 50 | YOU KNOW |
| 51 | IN CRAZY WORLD, THAT MEANS YOU'RE MARRIED. |
| 52 | THIS WASN'T ADDRESSED |
| 53 | TO DAYS OF OUR LIVES. |
| 54 | THIS CAME TO YOUR APARTMENT. |
| 55 | THERE'S NO STAMP ON IT. |
| 56 | THIS WOMAN WAS IN OUR BUILDING. |
| 57 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 58 | I GOT MY VERY OWN STALKER. |
| 59 | HEY, GUYS. |
| 60 | HEY. |
| 61 | WHERE ARE YOU OFF TO, TRAVELING JAKE? |
| 62 | WELL, THERE'S THIS PALEONTOLOGY CONFERENCE IN L.A. |
| 63 | SO, I FIGURED I'D GO, AND THEN DRIVE |
| 64 | DOWN TO THE ZOO AND SURPRISE MARCEL. |
| 65 | YOU KNOW, I THINK HE WILL BE SURPRISED, UNTIL HE REALIZES |
| 66 | HE'S A MONKEY |
| 67 | AND, UH, YOU KNOW, IS INCAPABLE OF THAT EMOTION. |
| 68 | Rachel: OH! PHOEBE |
| 69 | THAT REALLY CUTE GUY IS HERE AGAIN. |
| 70 | OH? OH, OKAY. SO, EVERYONE PRETEND |
| 71 | LIKE I'M TELLING YOU A STORY, OKAY? |
| 72 | AND IT'S REALLY FUNNY, SO EVERYONE JUST LAUGH. |
| 73 | NOW. |
| 74 | ( all laughing ) |
| 75 | I KNOW. I KNOW. |
| 76 | HELLO. |
| 77 | HI. |
| 78 | I'M ROB DONNAN. |
| 79 | HI, ROB DONNAN. |
| 80 | I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT MUSIC |
| 81 | BUT I THINK YOU'RE REALLY, REALLY GREAT. |
| 82 | OH... WOW. |
| 83 | ANYWAY, I SCHEDULE PERFORMERS |
| 84 | FOR THE CHILDREN'S LIBRARIES AROUND THE CITY |
| 85 | AND I WAS JUST THINKING |
| 86 | HAVE YOU EVER THOUGHT ABOUT PLAYING YOUR SONGS FOR KIDS? |
| 87 | OH, I WOULD LOVE TO HAVE KIDS. |
| 88 | ...HEAR... HEAR THE... HEAR ME PLAY THE SONGS |
| 89 | THAT I WILL WRITE FOR THEM. |
| 90 | HEY, WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO FOR DINNER? |
| 91 | WELL, WE COULD STAY IN AND COOK FOR OURSELVES. |
| 92 | ( both laughing ) |
| 93 | ( buzzer buzzes ) |
| 94 | HELLO. |
| 95 | It's Erika. |
| 96 | OH, MY GOD. THE STALKER. |
| 97 | Never mind. |
| 98 | It's open. |
| 99 | YES. HITTING HER WITH A FRYING PAN'S A GOOD IDEA. |
| 100 | WE MIGHT WANT A BACKUP PLAN, THOUGH, JUST IN CASE |
| 101 | SHE ISN'T A CARTOON. |
| 102 | LET'S GET OUT OF HERE. |
| 103 | THE ONE TIME THEY'RE NOT HOME. |
| 104 | OKAY. OKAY. |
| 105 | WE'LL JUST LEAVE |
| 106 | AND WHEN WE PASS HER ON THE STAIRS |
| 107 | SHE WON'T KNOW IT'S ME, 'CAUSE WE NEVER MET. |
| 108 | THAT'S HOW RADIO STARS ESCAPE STALKERS. |
| 109 | ( footsteps approaching ) |
| 110 | SHE'S COMING. |
| 111 | ( knocking ) |
| 112 | Erika: IT'S ME. |
| 113 | UH, THIS IS IT. |
| 114 | THIS IS HOW WE'RE GOING TO DIE. |
| 115 | YOU READY? |
| 116 | WAIT, WAIT. |
| 117 | HI. |
| 118 | ERIKA... |
| 119 | MR. GELLER? |
| 120 | YES. HI. |
| 121 | HI. DEAN LIPSON, ZOO ADMINISTRATOR. |
| 122 | I WAS TOLD YOU HAD A QUESTION. |
| 123 | WELL, I CAN'T SEEM TO FIND THE MONKEY |
| 124 | I DONATED LAST YEAR. |
| 125 | HE'S A CAPUCHIN, ANSWERS TO THE NAME "MARCEL." |
| 126 | AH... I'M AFRAID I HAVE SOME BAD NEWS. |
| 127 | MARCEL HAS PASSED ON. |
| 128 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 129 | WHAT HAPPENED? |
| 130 | WELL, HE GOT SICK, AND THEN, HE GOT SICKER |
| 131 | AND THEN, HE GOT |
| 132 | A LITTLE BETTER |
| 133 | BUT THEN, HE DIED. |
| 134 | I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS. |
| 135 | I'M SORRY, MR. GELLER |
| 136 | BUT, YOU KNOW, THERE'S AN OLD SAYING: |
| 137 | "SOMETIMES, MONKEYS DIE." |
| 138 | IT'S NOT A GREAT SAYING |
| 139 | BUT... IT CERTAINLY IS FITTING TODAY. |
| 140 | WELL, YOU KNOW, SOMEONE SHOULD HAVE CALLED ME. |
| 141 | I'M SORRY. |
| 142 | LOOK, I KNOW THIS CAN'T BRING HIM BACK, BUT, HERE. |
| 143 | IT'S JUST A GESTURE. |
| 144 | ZOO DOLLARS? |
| 145 | YES. AND COME SEE THE BIRD SHOW AT 4:00. |
| 146 | THE MACAWS |
| 147 | WEAR HATS. |
| 148 | WELL, IT'S A LOT CUTER |
| 149 | IF YOUR MONKEY HASN'T JUST DIED. |
| 150 | ( oohing ) |
| 151 | I KNOW. |
| 152 | I CAN'T BELIEVE JOEY'S HAVING LUNCH |
| 153 | WITH HIS STALKER. |
| 154 | WHAT IS SHE LIKE? |
| 155 | WELL, YOU REMEMBER KATHY BATES IN MISERY? |
| 156 | WELL, SHE LOOKS THE... EXACT OPPOSITE OF THAT. |
| 157 | AND SHE'S NOT CRAZY? |
| 158 | OH, NO, NO, NO. |
| 159 | SHE'S A TOTAL WHACK-JOB. |
| 160 | YEAH. SHE THINKS THAT JOEY |
| 161 | IS ACTUALLY DR. DRAKE RAMORAY. |
| 162 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 163 | UGH. AND HE'S GOING OUT WITH HER? |
| 164 | HE CANNOT PURSUE THIS. |
| 165 | JUST BECAUSE THIS WOMAN THINKS SHE CAN ACTUALLY SEE JOEY |
| 166 | THROUGH THE MAGICAL BOX IN HER LIVING ROOM |
| 167 | DOESN'T MEAN SHE'S NOT A PERSON. |
| 168 | I MEAN, DOES SHE NOT DESERVE HAPPINESS? |
| 169 | DOES SHE NOT DESERVE LOVE? |
| 170 | WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT ME FOR? |
| 171 | HE'S THE ONE WHO WANTS TO BOFF THE MANIAC. |
| 172 | ARE YOU OKAY? |
| 173 | NO. UH-UH. |
| 174 | I'M JUST... I'M NERVOUS. |
| 175 | MAYBE IF I PICTURE THEM ALL IN THEIR UNDERWEAR... |
| 176 | THAT'S NOT A GOOD IDEA. |
| 177 | THAT'S KIND OF THE REASON THE LAST GUY GOT FIRED. |
| 178 | I'M JUST... I'M... I'M USED TO PLAYING FOR GROWNUPS. |
| 179 | YOU KNOW, THEY JUST... GROWNUPS DRINK THEIR COFFEE |
| 180 | AND DO THEIR GROWNUP THING, AND KIDS... LISTEN. |
| 181 | IT'S JUST A HUGE RESPONSIBILITY. |
| 182 | WHAT? |
| 183 | ARE YOU GOING TO KISS ME? |
| 184 | I WAS THINKING ABOUT IT. |
| 185 | OKAY. |
| 186 | OKAY. ALL RIGHT, LET'S PLAY SOME TUNES. |
| 187 | HI, EVERYBODY. I'M PHOEBE. |
| 188 | All: HI, PHOEBE. |
| 189 | OKAY. |
| 190 | UM, I'M GOING TO PLAY, UM, SOME SONGS ABOUT GRANDPARENTS. |
| 191 | OKAY? |
| 192 | ( guitar strumming ) |
| 193 | ♪ NOW, GRANDMA'S A PERSON WHO EVERYONE LIKES ♪ |
| 194 | ♪ SHE BOUGHT YOU A TRAIN AND A BRIGHT, SHINY BIKE ♪ |
| 195 | ♪ BUT LATELY, SHE HASN'T BEEN COMING TO DINNER ♪ |
| 196 | ♪ AND LAST TIME YOU SAW HER, SHE LOOKED SO MUCH THINNER ♪ |
| 197 | ♪ NOW, YOUR MOM AND YOUR DAD ♪ |
| 198 | ♪ SAID SHE MOVED TO PERU ♪ |
| 199 | ♪ BUT THE TRUTH IS, SHE DIED, AND SOMEDAY, YOU WILL TOO ♪ |
| 200 | ♪ LA, LA, LA, LA, LA, LA, LA, LA, LA, LA ♪ |
| 201 | ♪ LA, LA, LA, LA, LA, LA ♪ |
| 202 | ♪ LA, LA, LA, LA ♪ |
| 203 | ♪ LA, LA, LA, LA, LA, LA, LA, LA, LA, LA ♪ |
| 204 | ♪ LA, LA, LA, LA, LA, LA, LA, LA, LA, LA. ♪ |
| 205 | OH, DRAKE, ISN'T IT AMAZING? |
| 206 | YEAH, IT IS. |
| 207 | WHAT? |
| 208 | WELL, I MEAN, HERE WE SIT, DEVIL-MAY-CARE |
| 209 | AND JUST A LITTLE WHILE AGO |
| 210 | YOU WERE REATTACHING SIMONE'S SPINAL CORD. |
| 211 | YEAH. THAT WAS A TRICKY ONE. |
| 212 | IN REALITY |
| 213 | THAT OPERATION TAKES, LIKE, OVER TEN HOURS |
| 214 | BUT THEY ONLY SHOWED IT FOR TWO MINUTES. |
| 215 | WHO'S THEY? |
| 216 | ( chuckling ) |
| 217 | NO ONE. |
| 218 | OH, DRAKE, YOU ARE SO TALENTED. |
| 219 | LET ME SEE THOSE HANDS. |
| 220 | OH, THESE HANDS, THESE BEAUTIFUL HANDS. |
| 221 | OH, I COULD JUST EAT THEM... BUT I WON'T. |
| 222 | GOOD. |
| 223 | OTHERWISE, MY WATCH WOULD FALL OFF. |
| 224 | ( maniacal laughter ) |
| 225 | NO. SERIOUSLY. |
| 226 | THESE HANDS-- |
| 227 | THESE MIRACLE, MAGICAL, LIFE-GIVING HANDS-- |
| 228 | OH, JUST TO BE NEAR THEM, TOUCH THEM-- |
| 229 | MAYBE EVEN LICK ONE? |
| 230 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 231 | JUST ONE. |
| 232 | WOW... |
| 233 | YOU'RE GOOD AT THAT. |
| 234 | ( clattering ) |
| 235 | ( gasping ) |
| 236 | IS ANYONE HERE A DOCTOR? |
| 237 | OH, YES. |
| 238 | YES. THE BEST DOCTOR IN ALL OF SALEM-- |
| 239 | DR. DRAKE RAMORAY. |
| 240 | MEET ME IN THE NOCTURNAL HOUSE IN 15 MINUTES. |
| 241 | UH, HEY, LOOK. |
| 242 | I DON'T REALLY ENJOY BEING WITH OTHER MEN-- THAT WAY... |
| 243 | ...BUT, UM, ZOO DOLLARS? |
| 244 | IT'S ABOUT YOUR MONKEY. |
| 245 | IT'S ALIVE. |
| 246 | I DON'T UNDERSTAND. |
| 247 | WHY DIDN'T YOU HELP THAT MAN? |
| 248 | UH... 'CAUSE I'M A NEUROSURGEON. |
| 249 | AND THAT WAS CLEARLY A CASE OF... |
| 250 | FOODAL CHOKAGE. |
| 251 | YOU KNOW... |
| 252 | ALL RIGHT, LOOK, I'VE GOT TO TELL YOU SOMETHING... |
| 253 | NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. |
| 254 | YOU DON'T HAVE |
| 255 | TO TELL ME ANYTHING. |
| 256 | YOU DON'T HAVE TO EXPLAIN YOURSELF TO ME. |
| 257 | WHO AM I TO QUESTION THE GREAT DR. DRAKE RAMORAY? |
| 258 | BUT THAT'S... |
| 259 | I SHOULD JUST BE HAPPY TO BE NEAR YOU. |
| 260 | HEY WHAT? |
| 261 | THAT'S IT. |
| 262 | JUST HEY. |
| 263 | LIKE AT THE END OF A DANCE. |
| 264 | HEY! |
| 265 | HEY. |
| 266 | HEY. HEY. HEY. |
| 267 | ♪ THERE'LL BE TIMES WHEN YOU GET OLDER ♪ |
| 268 | ♪ WHEN YOU'LL WANT TO SLEEP WITH PEOPLE ♪ |
| 269 | ♪ JUST TO MAKE THEM LIKE YOU ♪ |
| 270 | ♪ BUT DON'T ♪ |
| 271 | ♪ 'CAUSE THAT'S ANOTHER THING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO DO ♪ |
| 272 | EVERYBODY. |
| 273 | All: ♪ THAT'S ANOTHER THING THAT ♪ |
| 274 | ♪ YOU DON'T WANT TO DO. ♪ |
| 275 | EXCELLENT. |
| 276 | VERY INFORMATIVE. |
| 277 | NOT AT ALL INAPPROPRIATE. |
| 278 | THANK YOU FOR COMING, EVERYBODY. |
| 279 | THERE ARE COOKIES IN THE BACK. |
| 280 | THAT WAS GREAT. |
| 281 | THE KIDS LOVED YOU. |
| 282 | YAY! |
| 283 | I ROCK. |
| 284 | AND YOU KNOW WHY? |
| 285 | BECAUSE YOU TOLD THE TRUTH. |
| 286 | AND NOBODY EVER TELLS KIDS THE TRUTH. |
| 287 | YOU WERE INCREDIBLE. |
| 288 | BUT? |
| 289 | HOW DID YOU KNOW THERE WAS A "BUT"? |
| 290 | I SENSE THESE THINGS. |
| 291 | IT WAS EITHER "BUT" OR "BUTTER." |
| 292 | THE THING IS, I THINK SOME OF THE PARENTS |
| 293 | THEY WERE KIND OF HOPING |
| 294 | YOU WOULD PLAY MORE SONGS ABOUT, LIKE, BARNYARD ANIMALS. |
| 295 | I CAN DO THAT. |
| 296 | REALLY? YEAH. |
| 297 | BECAUSE THAT WOULD BE FANTASTIC. |
| 298 | WHAT? |
| 299 | YOU WANT TO KISS ME? |
| 300 | I'M THINKING ABOUT IT. |
| 301 | AH, THE BAT. |
| 302 | AMBASSADOR OF DARKNESS. |
| 303 | FLITTING OUT OF HIS CAVE LIKE A WINGED MESSENGER. |
| 304 | SIGHTLESS SPECTER OF THE MACABRE. |
| 305 | BUDDY, MY MONKEY? |
| 306 | OH, YEAH, RIGHT. |
| 307 | THERE WAS A BREAK-IN |
| 308 | A FEW MONTHS BACK. |
| 309 | INSIDE JOB. |
| 310 | YOUR MONKEY WAS TAKEN. |
| 311 | OH, MY GOD. BUT THE ZOO TOLD ME MY MONKEY WAS DEAD. |
| 312 | THE ZOO. |
| 313 | YOU BELIEVE EVERYTHING THE ZOO TELLS YOU? |
| 314 | THAT'S THE ONLY THING THE ZOO'S EVER TOLD ME. |
| 315 | OF COURSE, THEY'RE GOING TO SAY HE'S DEAD. |
| 316 | THEY DON'T WANT THE BAD PUBLICITY. |
| 317 | IT'S ALL A GREAT, BIG COVER-UP. |
| 318 | DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW HIGH UP THIS THING GOES? |
| 319 | THAT GUY LIPSON? |
| 320 | LIPSON KNOWS? |
| 321 | HMM. |
| 322 | LIPSON KNOWS, HUH? |
| 323 | HELLO, MR. POSSUM. |
| 324 | ENIGMA OF THE TREES |
| 325 | UPSIDE-DOWN DENIZEN OF THE NIGHT. |
| 326 | TAUNTING GRAVITY... |
| 327 | BUDDY, MY MONKEY? |
| 328 | WORD ON THE STREET... |
| 329 | WELL, WHEN I SAY STREET |
| 330 | I MEAN THOSE LITTLE PRETEND |
| 331 | STREETS THEY HAVE HERE AT THE ZOO. |
| 332 | OF COURSE. |
| 333 | YOUR MONKEY FOUND A NEW CAREER |
| 334 | IN THE ENTERTAINMENT FIELD. |
| 335 | THAT'S ALL I KNOW. |
| 336 | THIS IS UNBELIEVABLE. |
| 337 | SO... WHAT IS THIS INFORMATION WORTH TO YOU, MY FRIEND? |
| 338 | ARE YOU TRYING TO GET ME TO BRIBE YOU? |
| 339 | MAYBE. |
| 340 | BUT YOU ALREADY TOLD ME EVERYTHING. |
| 341 | Ross: CHECK IT OUT. |
| 342 | HE ACTUALLY IS THE MONKEYSHINE MONKEY. |
| 343 | Rachel: WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO? |
| 344 | I'M GOING TO CALL THE BEER COMPANY |
| 345 | AND TRY TO FIND OUT WHERE HE IS. |
| 346 | THAT'S WHAT I DID WHEN I LOST |
| 347 | MY CLYDESDALES. |
| 348 | OKAY, HI AGAIN. |
| 349 | All: HI, PHOEBE! |
| 350 | TODAY, WE'RE GOING TO START WITH SOME SONGS |
| 351 | ABOUT BARNYARD ANIMALS. |
| 352 | ♪ OH, THE COW IN THE MEADOW GOES MOO ♪ |
| 353 | ♪ OH, THE COW IN THE MEADOW GOES MOO ♪ |
| 354 | ♪ THEN THE FARMER HITS HIM ON THE HEAD ♪ |
| 355 | ♪ AND GRINDS HIM UP ♪ |
| 356 | ♪ AND THAT'S HOW ♪ |
| 357 | ♪ WE GET HAMBURGERS ♪ |
| 358 | NOW, CHICKENS! |
| 359 | You're the only one who can save her, Drake. |
| 360 | Damn it, I'm a doctor! |
| 361 | I'm not God. |
| 362 | WELL, THERE GOES MY WHOLE BELIEF SYSTEM. |
| 363 | ( knocking ) |
| 364 | IT'S ERIKA. |
| 365 | OH, MY GOD! QUICK, TURN OFF THE TV. |
| 366 | NO, NO, NO. |
| 367 | WAIT, I WANT TO SEE WHAT HAPPENS. |
| 368 | I GET LESLIE OUT OF THE COMA, THEN WE MAKE OUT. |
| 369 | HOW CAN THAT BE? |
| 370 | YOU WERE JUST KISSING SABRINA. |
| 371 | RACHEL, IT'S A WORLD WHERE JOEY IS A NEUROSURGEON. |
| 372 | HEY, ERIKA. COME ON IN. |
| 373 | HOW DID YOU GET HERE SO FAST? |
| 374 | I JUST SAW YOU IN SALEM. |
| 375 | RIGHT. |
| 376 | THEY CHOPPERED ME IN. |
| 377 | WHAT'S UP? |
| 378 | AND I SEE YOU'RE HAVING A LITTLE PARTY TOO. |
| 379 | IS SHE HERE? |
| 380 | HUH? WHO? |
| 381 | SABRINA. |
| 382 | I KNOW ABOUT YOU TWO. |
| 383 | I SAW YOU TODAY, KISSING IN THE DOCTORS' LOUNGE. |
| 384 | THAT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK. |
| 385 | THAT WAS... |
| 386 | YOU TOLD ME |
| 387 | I WAS THE ONLY ONE. |
| 388 | ALL RIGHT, THAT'S IT. |
| 389 | I DON'T THINK WE SHOULD |
| 390 | SEE EACH OTHER ANYMORE, ALL RIGHT? |
| 391 | I SHOULD HAVE TOLD YOU THIS |
| 392 | A LONG TIME AGO |
| 393 | BUT I AM NOT DRAKE RAMORAY, OKAY? |
| 394 | I'M NOT EVEN A DOCTOR. |
| 395 | I'M AN ACTOR. |
| 396 | I JUST PRETEND TO BE A DOCTOR. |
| 397 | OH, MY GOD, DO THE PEOPLE |
| 398 | AT THE HOSPITAL KNOW ABOUT THIS? |
| 399 | SOMEBODY WANT TO HELP ME OUT HERE? |
| 400 | OH, I KNOW. I KNOW. |
| 401 | Where am I? |
| 402 | University Hospital. |
| 403 | The same place you've been for the last 18 years. |
| 404 | HOW CAN YOU BE HERE AND THERE? |
| 405 | 'CAUSE IT'S A TELEVISION SHOW. |
| 406 | DRAKE, WHAT ARE YOU GETTING AT? |
| 407 | I'M NOT DRAKE. |
| 408 | THAT'S RIGHT. |
| 409 | HE'S NOT DRAKE. |
| 410 | HE'S... |
| 411 | HANS RAMORAY, DRAKE'S EVIL TWIN. |
| 412 | IS THIS TRUE? |
| 413 | YES, YES, IT IS TRUE. |
| 414 | AND I KNOW THIS BECAUSE |
| 415 | HE PRETENDED TO BE DRAKE |
| 416 | TO SLEEP WITH ME. |
| 417 | Monica: AND THEN HE TOLD ME |
| 418 | HE WOULD RUN AWAY WITH ME. |
| 419 | AND HE DIDN'T. |
| 420 | AND YOU LEFT THE TOILET SEAT UP, YOU BASTARD! |
| 421 | IS ALL THIS TRUE? |
| 422 | YES. |
| 423 | I'M AFRAID IT IS. |
| 424 | YOU DESERVE MUCH BETTER THAN ME, ERIKA. |
| 425 | YOU DESERVE TO BE WITH THE REAL DRAKE. |
| 426 | HE'S THE ONE YOU FELL IN LOVE WITH. |
| 427 | GO TO SALEM. |
| 428 | FIND HIM. |
| 429 | HE'S THE GUY FOR YOU. |
| 430 | OH, HANS. |
| 431 | HANS? |
| 432 | HANS? |
| 433 | YO, EVIL TWIN. |
| 434 | RIGHT. |
| 435 | GOOD-BYE, ERIKA. |
| 436 | GOOD LUCK IN SALEM. |
| 437 | TAKE CARE. |
| 438 | I'LL NEVER FORGET YOU, HANS. |
| 439 | ALL RIGHT. THE PEOPLE WHO THREW THE WATER... |
| 440 | FIRED? |
| 441 | WHY? |
| 442 | THE LIBRARY BOARD HAS HAD |
| 443 | A LOT OF COMPLAINTS FROM PARENTS |
| 444 | ABOUT SOME OF THE STUFF IN YOUR SONGS. |
| 445 | I CAN'T BELIEVE IT. |
| 446 | DID YOU TELL YOUR "BOARD" |
| 447 | ABOUT HOW THE KIDS WANT TO HEAR THE TRUTH? |
| 448 | NO. |
| 449 | I SEE. |
| 450 | MAYBE IF YOU JUST PLAYED SOME REGULAR KIDDIE SONGS. |
| 451 | NO. |
| 452 | WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO BE? |
| 453 | LIKE SOME STUPID, BIG, LIKE, PURPLE DINOSAUR? |
| 454 | I'M NOT SAYING TO BE BARNEY. |
| 455 | WHO'S BARNEY? |
| 456 | WELL, I TRACKED DOWN MARCEL, AND GET THIS. |
| 457 | HE'S HEALTHY, HE'S HAPPY |
| 458 | AND HE'S RIGHT HERE IN NEW YORK |
| 459 | FILMING OUTBREAK II: THE VIRUS TAKES MANHATTAN. |
| 460 | Both: YOU'RE KIDDING. |
| 461 | THIS IS AMAZING. |
| 462 | I KNOW. |
| 463 | I FINALLY GET A PART ON TV |
| 464 | AND THE MONKEY'S MAKING MOVIES. |
| 465 | OKAY, RACHEL, I'M READY. |
| 466 | OKAY. |
| 467 | EXCUSE ME. |
| 468 | IS THIS WHERE THE SINGING LADY IS |
| 469 | WHO TELLS THE TRUTH? |
| 470 | UM... I GUESS THAT'S ME. |
| 471 | ( gasps ) |
| 472 | SHE'S HERE! |
| 473 | ( whistles ) |
| 474 | ♪ SOMETIMES MEN LOVE WOMEN ♪ |
| 475 | ♪ AND SOMETIMES MEN LOVE MEN ♪ |
| 476 | ♪ AND THEN, THERE ARE BISEXUALS ♪ |
| 477 | ♪ THOUGH SOME JUST SAY THEY'RE KIDDING THEMSELVES ♪ |
| 478 | ♪ LA-LA-LA-LA LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA ♪ |
| 479 | ♪ LA-LA-LA-LA LA-LA-LA-LA LA-LA ♪ |
| 480 | ♪ LA-LA-LA... ♪ |
| 481 | Ross: THIS IS SO EXCITING. |
| 482 | I HAVEN'T SEEN MY MONKEY IN ALMOST A YEAR. |
| 483 | WHAT, YOU NEVER LOOK DOWN IN THE SHOWER? |
| 484 | OH, PLEASE. |
| 485 | I'M NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE ONE JOKE |
| 486 | IN THE MONKEY-AS-PENIS GENRE? |
| 487 | COME ON, PEOPLE, BACK UP. |
| 488 | BACK UP. COME ON, COME ON. |
| 489 | EXCUSE ME, SIR. |
| 490 | WHERE CAN WE FIND THE MONKEY? |
| 491 | I'M SORRY, IT'S A CLOSED SET. |
| 492 | I'M SORRY. |
| 493 | YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. |
| 494 | I'M A FRIEND OF HIS. |
| 495 | WE USED TO LIVE TOGETHER. |
| 496 | YEAH, AND I HAVE A TIME-SHARE IN THE POCONOS WITH FLIPPER. |
| 497 | ( chuckling ) |
| 498 | Monica: ROSS, THERE HE IS. |
| 499 | HEY, BUDDY. |
| 500 | MARCEL. |
| 501 | MARCEL. |
| 502 | ♪ IN THE JUNGLE ♪ |
| 503 | ♪ THE MIGHTY JUNGLE ♪ |
| 504 | ♪ THE LION SLEEPS TONIGHT ♪ |
| 505 | ♪ IN THE JUNGLE, THE MIGHTY JUNGLE ♪ |
| 506 | ♪ THE LION SLEEPS TONIGHT ♪ |
| 507 | ♪ A WEEM A WAY, A WEEM A WAY ♪ |
| 508 | ♪ A WEEM A WAY, A WEEM A WAY ♪ |
| 509 | ♪ A WEEM A WAY, A WEEM A WAY ♪ |
| 510 | ♪ A WEEM A WAY, A WEEM A WAY ♪ |
| 511 | ♪ OOH, OOH, OOH, OOH ♪ |
| 512 | ♪ A WEEM UM UM A WAY ♪ |
| 513 | ♪ A WEEM A WAY ♪ |
| 514 | ♪ A WEEM A WAY ♪ |
| 515 | ♪ OOH, OOH, OOH, OOH ♪ |
| 516 | ♪ A WEEM A WAY. ♪ |
| 517 | ♪ THEY WON'T TAKE YOU TO THE VET ♪ |
| 518 | ♪ YOU'RE OBVIOUSLY NOT THEIR FAVORITE PET ♪ |
| 519 | ♪ SMELLY CAT, SMELLY CAT ♪ |
| 520 | ♪ IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT ♪ |
| 521 | ( singing in falsetto ): ♪ AND I... ♪ |
| 522 | ( laughing ) |
| 523 | WHAT? |
| 524 | I'M SORRY. |
| 525 | WHAT'S WRONG WITH THAT? |
| 526 | YOU MIGHT WANT TO PICK A MORE MASCULINE NOTE. |
| 527 | [Captioned by The Caption Center WGBH Educational Foundation] |
| 528 | |
| 1 | EXCUSE ME, FOLKS. THIS IS A... |
| 2 | CLOSED SET. WE KNOW. |
| 3 | BUT WE'RE FRIENDS WITH THE MONKEY. |
| 4 | GOOD MORNING. |
| 5 | HI, PAL. LOOK WHO I BROUGHT. |
| 6 | IT'S YOUR OLD FRIEND, HARRY ELEPHANTAY. |
| 7 | WHOA, DUDE. |
| 8 | BURN. |
| 9 | I DON'T GET IT. |
| 10 | HE SEEMED HAPPY TO SEE ME YESTERDAY. |
| 11 | DON'T TAKE IT PERSONAL. |
| 12 | HE'S UNDER A LOT OF PRESSURE, STARRING IN A MOVIE... |
| 13 | HOW BIG A STAR IS MARCEL? |
| 14 | IN HUMAN TERMS? |
| 15 | I'D SAY... CYBILL SHEPHERD. |
| 16 | WHOA! WHOA! REALLY? |
| 17 | SO, YOU GUYS IN THE MOVIE |
| 18 | OR ARE YOU JUST REALLY PARANOID? |
| 19 | HEY, SAL, JERRY WANTS TO KNOW |
| 20 | IF THE MONKEY'S READY FOR THE SUBWAY STUNT. |
| 21 | JERRY IS THE DIRECTOR? |
| 22 | WHICH ONE'S HE? |
| 23 | THE ONE IN THE DIRECTOR'S CHAIR. |
| 24 | GOTCHA. |
| 25 | PHEEBS, WALK WITH ME. |
| 26 | OKAY. |
| 27 | HOW COME I'M WALKING WITH YOU? |
| 28 | WELL, WE'RE JUST GOING OVER HERE |
| 29 | SO THAT WE CAN GET AWAY FROM |
| 30 | THE HORRIBLE FLESH-EATING VIRUS! |
| 31 | FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, WOMAN, LISTEN TO ME! |
| 32 | IS HE LOOKING? IS HE LOOKING? |
| 33 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 34 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 35 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 36 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 37 | ♪ WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY ♪ |
| 38 | ♪ YOUR WEEK, YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 39 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 40 | ♪ WHEN THE RAIN STARTS TO POUR ♪ |
| 41 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 42 | ♪ LIKE I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE ♪ |
| 43 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 44 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME TOO. ♪ |
| 45 | WE'VE GOT A PROBLEM. |
| 46 | HI. TELL ME. |
| 47 | I CAN'T DO CHRISSIE'S MAKEUP. |
| 48 | SHE REFUSES TO ACKNOWLEDGE SHE HAS A MOUSTACHE. |
| 49 | IS IT BAD? |
| 50 | IT'S LIKE AN EYEBROW FELL. |
| 51 | GOT IT. |
| 52 | UNLESS I BLEACH IT |
| 53 | JEAN-CLAUDE VAN DAMME WILL BE MAKING OUT WITH GABE KAPLAN. |
| 54 | I'LL TALK TO HER. |
| 55 | I HATE ACTORS. |
| 56 | NICE CAMOUFLAGE, MAN. |
| 57 | FOR A MINUTE THERE, I ALMOST DIDN'T SEE YOU. |
| 58 | EXCUSE ME. |
| 59 | WHOO! |
| 60 | UH... IS YOUR NAME CHANDLER? |
| 61 | UH... YES. YES, IT IS. |
| 62 | CHANDLER BING? |
| 63 | DO YOU KNOW ME |
| 64 | OR ARE YOU JUST REALLY GOOD AT THIS GAME? |
| 65 | I'M SUSIE MOSS. |
| 66 | FOURTH GRADE. GLASSES. |
| 67 | CARRIED A BOX OF ANIMAL CRACKERS LIKE A PURSE. |
| 68 | SUSIE MOSS. |
| 69 | RIGHT. YEAH. WOW! |
| 70 | YOU LOOK... |
| 71 | GREAT JOB GROWING UP. |
| 72 | THANK YOU. |
| 73 | YOU'RE NOT STILL WEARING THAT DENIM CAP |
| 74 | WITH THE MIRRORS ON IT. |
| 75 | WELL, I GRADUATED FOURTH GRADE |
| 76 | AND REALIZED I WASN'T A PIMP. |
| 77 | REMEMBER THE CLASS PLAY? |
| 78 | YOU PULLED UP MY SKIRT |
| 79 | AND THE ENTIRE AUDITORIUM SAW MY UNDERPANTS? |
| 80 | YES. BACK THEN, I, UH... |
| 81 | USED HUMOR AS A DEFENSE MECHANISM. |
| 82 | THANK GOD, I DON'T DO THAT ANYMORE. |
| 83 | OH, MY GOD. OH, MY GOD. |
| 84 | IT'S JEAN-CLAUDE VAN DAMME. |
| 85 | HE'S SO HOT! |
| 86 | YOU THINK? |
| 87 | "THE MUSCLES FROM BRUSSELS"? |
| 88 | "WHAM-BAM VAN DAMME"? |
| 89 | DID YOU SEE TIMECOP? |
| 90 | NO. WAS HE GOOD IN IT? |
| 91 | RACHEL, HE, LIKE, TOTALLY CHANGED TIME. |
| 92 | WOW! SO WHY DON'T YOU GO TALK TO HIM? |
| 93 | YEAH! |
| 94 | TELL HIM HE'S CUTE. |
| 95 | WHAT'S THE WORST THAT COULD HAPPEN? |
| 96 | HE COULD HEAR ME. |
| 97 | OH, COME ON, MONICA. |
| 98 | I'M DOING IT FOR YOU. |
| 99 | RACHEL, DON'T YOU DARE. |
| 100 | DON'T! DON'T! |
| 101 | TELL HIM I COOK! |
| 102 | HI. |
| 103 | HI. |
| 104 | THIS IS GOING TO SOUND KIND OF GOOFY |
| 105 | BUT MY FRIEND |
| 106 | OVER THERE-- |
| 107 | WHO COOKS, BY THE WAY-- |
| 108 | UM... SHE THINKS YOU'RE CUTE. |
| 109 | YOU DON'T THINK I'M CUTE? |
| 110 | I DON'T KNOW. |
| 111 | DO YOU THINK YOU'RE CUTE? |
| 112 | WE'RE GETTING OFF THE TRACK HERE. |
| 113 | I WAS SUPPOSED TO COME HERE AND TELL YOU |
| 114 | MY FRIEND THINKS YOU'RE CUTE. |
| 115 | WHAT SHOULD I TELL HER? |
| 116 | YOU CAN TELL HER |
| 117 | I THINK HER FRIEND IS CUTE. |
| 118 | WHOA! |
| 119 | Man: MAKEUP ON SET! |
| 120 | OH, THAT'S ME. |
| 121 | OH. UH... OKAY. |
| 122 | HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TOUCH YOUR ARM |
| 123 | BEFORE YOU ASK ME ON A DATE? |
| 124 | WELL, LET'S TRY ONE MORE. |
| 125 | THERE YOU GO. SAY ERNIE'S, 8:00? |
| 126 | I'LL BE THERE. AND WHO KNOWS? |
| 127 | IF THINGS GO WELL, MAYBE THIS TIME |
| 128 | I'LL GET TO SEE YOUR UNDERWEAR. |
| 129 | AND NO ONE WAS AROUND TO HEAR THAT? |
| 130 | SO WHAT DID HE SAY? |
| 131 | UCCH! WHAT A JERK! |
| 132 | I KEPT TALKING ABOUT YOU |
| 133 | AND HE KEPT ASKING ME OUT. |
| 134 | OH. |
| 135 | I MEAN, NATURALLY |
| 136 | YOU KNOW, I SAID NO. |
| 137 | WELL, THANKS, ANYWAY. |
| 138 | HE JUST KEPT ASKING... |
| 139 | ASKING, ASKING, ASKING, ASKING, ASKING... |
| 140 | RACHEL, IF YOU WANT TO GO OUT WITH HIM, YOU CAN. |
| 141 | HE SOUNDS LIKE A BIG JERK |
| 142 | BUT IF YOU WANT... |
| 143 | JEAN-CLAUDE, SHE SAID YES! |
| 144 | I'LL SEE YOU TONIGHT! |
| 145 | THANK YOU. |
| 146 | THEN JEAN-CLAUDE TOOK ME TO THAT PLACE CROSSROADS |
| 147 | AND THAT'S WHERE |
| 148 | WE HUNG OUT WITH DREW BARRYMORE. |
| 149 | OH, MAN, SHE'S SO SMOKING! |
| 150 | SHE'S GOT THE GREATEST SET OF... |
| 151 | NO GUYS AROUND, HUH? |
| 152 | DOES ANYBODY NEED ANYTHING? |
| 153 | I'LL HAVE AN ESPRESSO. |
| 154 | ACTUALLY, I'LL GET IT. |
| 155 | IF I ASK YOU TO |
| 156 | YOU'LL PROBABLY END UP |
| 157 | DRINKING IT YOURSELF. |
| 158 | THAT IS SO UNFAIR. |
| 159 | LIKE YOU WOULD DRINK HER COFFEE |
| 160 | AFTER WHAT YOU DID TO HER |
| 161 | WITH VAN DAMME. |
| 162 | JOEY, I HAVE TO CANCEL RACQUETBALL FOR TONIGHT. |
| 163 | THAT WAS MARCEL'S TRAINER. |
| 164 | I CAN HAVE HIM FOR A COUPLE OF HOURS. |
| 165 | YOU'RE BLOWING ME OFF FOR A MONKEY? |
| 166 | WE CAN RESCHEDULE FOR SATURDAY. |
| 167 | YEAH. UNLESS YOU HOOK UP WITH A BUNCH OF PIGEONS. |
| 168 | HEY, STICK A FORK IN ME. |
| 169 | I AM DONE. |
| 170 | STICK A FORK WHAT? |
| 171 | LIKE WHEN YOU'RE COOKING A STEAK. |
| 172 | OH. OKAY. I DON'T EAT MEAT. |
| 173 | WELL, THEN, HOW DO YOU KNOW WHEN VEGETABLES ARE DONE? |
| 174 | YOU DON'T. YOU JUST EAT THEM AND YOU CAN TELL. |
| 175 | THEN EAT ME. I'M DONE. |
| 176 | I'VE MET THE PERFECT WOMAN. |
| 177 | WE'RE SITTING ON HER COUCH |
| 178 | WE'RE FOOLING AROUND |
| 179 | AND THEN, SUDDENLY, SHE SAYS |
| 180 | "YOU EVER WANT TO DO IT IN AN ELEVATOR?" |
| 181 | WOW! HEY! |
| 182 | WHAT DID YOU SAY? |
| 183 | I BELIEVE MY EXACT WORDS WERE ( speaking gibberish ) |
| 184 | HOW DO YOU KNOW |
| 185 | IF YOU WANT TO DO IT ON AN ELEVATOR? |
| 186 | YOU JUST KNOW. |
| 187 | WE GOT TO GO. |
| 188 | WE GOT A RESERVATION IN 30 MINUTES. |
| 189 | OH, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. |
| 190 | SEE, WHAT I HAD PLANNED |
| 191 | SHOULDN'T TAKE MORE THAN THREE MINUTES, TOPS. |
| 192 | HMM... 200 SECONDS OF PASSION. |
| 193 | WE GOT TO GO. |
| 194 | BUT... |
| 195 | UM... |
| 196 | HERE'S AN IDEA. |
| 197 | HAVE YOU EVER WORN WOMEN'S UNDERWEAR? |
| 198 | WELL, YES, ACTUALLY. |
| 199 | BUT THEY WERE MY AUNT EDNA'S... |
| 200 | AND THERE WERE THREE OF US IN THERE. |
| 201 | WELL, I WAS THINKING IT WOULD BE KIND OF SEXY |
| 202 | IF YOU WORE MINE TONIGHT AT DINNER. |
| 203 | YOU WANT ME TO WEAR YOUR PANTIES? |
| 204 | COULD YOU? |
| 205 | WELL, IF I WAS WEARING YOUR UNDERWEAR |
| 206 | THEN WHAT WOULD YOU BE WEARING? |
| 207 | YOU'RE SWELL. |
| 208 | CHECK IT OUT. |
| 209 | I MADE MARCEL'S FAVORITE DISH-- BANANA CAKE |
| 210 | WITH MEALWORMS. |
| 211 | OHH! |
| 212 | CANDLES. |
| 213 | WHAT DO YOU THINK IS GOING TO HAPPEN |
| 214 | HERE TONIGHT? |
| 215 | ( phone rings ) |
| 216 | HELLO. |
| 217 | OH, HI. ARE YOU ON YOUR WAY OVER? |
| 218 | OH. |
| 219 | NO, NO, NO. I UNDERSTAND. |
| 220 | A MONKEY'S GOT TO WORK. |
| 221 | NO, IT'S NO BIG DEAL. |
| 222 | IT'S NOT LIKE I HAD ANYTHING SPECIAL PLANNED. |
| 223 | YOU KNOW. |
| 224 | YEAH. OKAY. |
| 225 | OKAY. OKAY, BYE. |
| 226 | OKAY, RACHEL, WHY DON'T YOU START TALKING FIRST? |
| 227 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 228 | I FEEL THAT THIS IS TOTALLY UNJUSTIFIED. |
| 229 | SHE GAVE ME THE GREEN LIGHT. |
| 230 | I DID NOTHING... |
| 231 | DO YOU THINK I CAN'T SEE YOU |
| 232 | IN THE TV SET? |
| 233 | MONICA, IF THERE IS SOMETHING THAT YOU WOULD LIKE TO SHARE... |
| 234 | YOU HAD NO RIGHT TO DATE HIM. |
| 235 | THAT IS THE MOST RIDICULOUS... |
| 236 | YOU SOLD ME OUT! |
| 237 | I DID NOT! |
| 238 | YES, YOU DID! |
| 239 | WOULD YOU LET ME TALK?! |
| 240 | DID YOU JUST FLICK ME? |
| 241 | OKAY, WELL, YOU WOULDN'T LET ME FINISH. |
| 242 | AND I... |
| 243 | WAS JUST... |
| 244 | OWW! THAT... |
| 245 | HURT! |
| 246 | QUIT FLICKING! |
| 247 | OW! YOU STOP FLICKING! |
| 248 | YOU FLICKED ME FIRST! |
| 249 | OW! STOP IT! |
| 250 | OW! OW! |
| 251 | OH! ALL RIGHT. OKAY. |
| 252 | LET'S NOT DO THIS! |
| 253 | LET'S NOT DO THIS! |
| 254 | STAY CALM! |
| 255 | HAPPY THOUGHTS! |
| 256 | HAPPY THOUGHTS! |
| 257 | HAPPY THOUGHTS! |
| 258 | COME ON, PEOPLE! |
| 259 | ( screaming and yelling ) |
| 260 | OKAY, NOW I'M GOING TO KICK SOME ASS! |
| 261 | OW! |
| 262 | OW! |
| 263 | OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! |
| 264 | OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! |
| 265 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 266 | NOW, I WILL LET GO IF YOU BOTH STOP. |
| 267 | DO YOU WANT ME TO STOP SEEING HIM? |
| 268 | UH-HUH. |
| 269 | YOU WANT ME TO JUST CALL HIM UP |
| 270 | AND TELL HIM YOU'RE SEEING HIM INSTEAD? |
| 271 | OKAY. |
| 272 | OH, THAT'S WHAT YOU WANT? |
| 273 | YES. |
| 274 | FINE. |
| 275 | FINE. |
| 276 | THERE WE GO. |
| 277 | YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 278 | IF WE WERE IN PRISON |
| 279 | YOU GUYS WOULD BE, LIKE, MY BITCHES. |
| 280 | THANKS FOR LETTING ME TAG ALONG. |
| 281 | FORGET ABOUT IT. |
| 282 | HOW YOU DOING THERE, SQUIRMY? |
| 283 | I'M HANGING IN... |
| 284 | AND A LITTLE OUT. |
| 285 | SO, ASSISTANT TO THE DIRECTOR. |
| 286 | THAT'S A REALLY EXCITING JOB. |
| 287 | YOU MUST HAVE A TON OF COOL RESPONSIBILITY. |
| 288 | I HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH CASTING. |
| 289 | SO WHAT ARE YOU GUYS |
| 290 | GOING TO EAT? |
| 291 | HOW COME ALL I CAN THINK ABOUT |
| 292 | IS PUTTING THAT ICE IN MY MOUTH |
| 293 | AND LICKING YOU ALL OVER? |
| 294 | BECAUSE I WENT TO AN ALL-BOYS HIGH SCHOOL |
| 295 | AND GOD IS MAKING UP FOR IT? |
| 296 | I WANT YOU RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW. |
| 297 | RIGHT NOW, RIGHT HERE? |
| 298 | DON'T YOU THINK WE'RE IN KIND OF A PUBLIC PLACE? |
| 299 | THEY DO HAVE THE SHRIMP. |
| 300 | MEET ME IN THE BATHROOM. |
| 301 | I'M GOING TO THE BATHROOM NOW. |
| 302 | COME ON. |
| 303 | ALL RIGHT, MISTER, LET'S SEE THOSE PANTIES. |
| 304 | ALL RIGHTY. |
| 305 | OOH, OOH, BUT YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD BE EVEN SEXIER? |
| 306 | WHAT? |
| 307 | IF YOU DIDN'T HAVE YOUR SHIRT TUCKED INTO THEM. |
| 308 | OH. |
| 309 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 310 | NOW, I WOULD LIKE TO SEE YOU WEARING NOTHING BUT THEM. |
| 311 | TAKE YOUR CLOTHES OFF. |
| 312 | OKAY, BUT I HOPE YOU REALIZE |
| 313 | THIS MEANS WE'RE GOING TO MISS |
| 314 | HEARING ABOUT THE SPECIALS. |
| 315 | COME ON. HURRY, HURRY. |
| 316 | HEY, DO YOU WANT THIS DONE QUICK |
| 317 | OR DO YOU WANT IT DONE RIGHT? |
| 318 | ALL RIGHT NOW, TURN AROUND. |
| 319 | I WANT TO SEE YOU FROM BEHIND. |
| 320 | OKAY. |
| 321 | SOMEBODY'S BEEN DOING |
| 322 | HIS BUNS OF STEEL VIDEO. |
| 323 | SAY, YOU WANT ME |
| 324 | TO CLENCH ANYTHING, OR..? |
| 325 | SUSIE? |
| 326 | SUSIE! |
| 327 | THIS... IS FOR THE FOURTH GRADE. |
| 328 | HUH? WHAT DO YOU MEAN? |
| 329 | WHAT DO I MEAN?! WHAT DO YOU MEAN |
| 330 | "WHAT DO I MEAN"? |
| 331 | I MEAN UNDERPANTS, MISTER. |
| 332 | THAT'S WHAT I MEAN. |
| 333 | WHAT? WHAT DO YOU MEAN? |
| 334 | MY SKIRT! |
| 335 | YOU LIFTED, KIDS LAUGHING. |
| 336 | I WAS "SUSIE UNDERPANTS" TILL I WAS 18. |
| 337 | THAT WAS IN THE FOURTH GRADE! |
| 338 | HOW CAN YOU |
| 339 | STILL BE UPSET ABOUT THAT? |
| 340 | WELL, UM... WHY DON'T YOU CALL ME IN 20 YEARS |
| 341 | AND TELL ME IF YOU'RE STILL UPSET ABOUT THIS. |
| 342 | ALL RIGHT. I HOPE YOU REALIZE |
| 343 | YOU'RE NOT GETTING THESE UNDERPANTS BACK! |
| 344 | I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS. |
| 345 | JUST LIKE, TWO WEEKS AGO, I WAS WATCHING SUDDEN DEATH |
| 346 | AND NOW I'M ON A DATE WITH JEAN-CLAUDE VAN DAMME. |
| 347 | CAN YOU BEAT UP THAT GUY? |
| 348 | YEAH. |
| 349 | CAN YOU BEAT UP THAT GUY? |
| 350 | SURE. |
| 351 | THIS IS SO WILD. |
| 352 | YOU KNOW, I GOT TO ADMIT, I WAS KIND OF SURPRISED |
| 353 | THAT YOU AGREED TO GO ON A BLIND DATE. |
| 354 | NORMALLY, I WOULD NOT DO IT. |
| 355 | YEAH? |
| 356 | WELL, WHAT MADE YOU MAKE THE EXCEPTION FOR ME? |
| 357 | BECAUSE RACHEL TOLD ME |
| 358 | YOU WERE DYING TO HAVE A THREESOME |
| 359 | WITH ME AND DREW BARRYMORE. |
| 360 | OH, BY THE WAY |
| 361 | DREW HAS SOME GROUND RULES, AND, UH... |
| 362 | SAY YOU'RE SORRY! |
| 363 | NO! |
| 364 | NO! NO! I'M NOT! |
| 365 | SAY IT! SAY IT! |
| 366 | GREAT. |
| 367 | RACHEL... |
| 368 | YOU SAY YOU'RE SORRY, OR YOUR SWEATER GETS IT. |
| 369 | OKAY, OKAY. THAT IS MY FAVORITE SWEATER. |
| 370 | THAT IS MY THIRD DATE SWEATER. |
| 371 | SAY YOU'RE SORRY. |
| 372 | OKAY. YOU WANT TO PLAY? |
| 373 | OKAY. LET'S PLAY. |
| 374 | LET'S PLAY. |
| 375 | WHAT ARE YOU |
| 376 | GOING TO DO? |
| 377 | YOU GIVE ME BACK MY SWEATER OR IT'S HANDBAG MARINARA. |
| 378 | YOU DON'T HAVE THE GUTS. |
| 379 | OH, YEAH? WELL, AT LEAST I WASN'T TOO CHICKEN |
| 380 | TO TELL SOME GUY I THOUGHT HE WAS CUTE. |
| 381 | ( gasps ) |
| 382 | OH! |
| 383 | ( gasps ) |
| 384 | OH!! |
| 385 | ( both yelling in frustration ) |
| 386 | OH, ALL RIGHT. |
| 387 | STOP! STOP THE MADNESS! |
| 388 | THIS IS CRAZY. |
| 389 | WHO CAN EVEN REMEMBER |
| 390 | WHY YOU STARTED FIGHTING IN THE FIRST PLACE? |
| 391 | ( both shouting about Jean-Claude Van Damme ) |
| 392 | YES, THAT'S RIGHT. |
| 393 | BUT STILL... |
| 394 | LOOK AT YOUR PURSE. |
| 395 | LOOK AT YOUR SWEATER. |
| 396 | LOOK AT YOURSELVES. |
| 397 | I'LL HELP YOU FIX YOUR SWEATER. |
| 398 | I'LL HELP YOU... |
| 399 | THROW OUT YOUR PURSE. |
| 400 | I'M SORRY THAT I MADE YOU STOP SEEING HIM. |
| 401 | I'M SORRY I WENT OUT WITH HIM WHEN I KNEW YOU LIKED HIM. |
| 402 | I'M SORRY THAT I BORROWED YOUR GLOVES. |
| 403 | ( clearing throat ) |
| 404 | ( whistling "Buffalo Gals" ) |
| 405 | ( whistles next line ) |
| 406 | ( whistles next line ) |
| 407 | JOEY? |
| 408 | MA? |
| 409 | JOEY! |
| 410 | CHANDLER? WHAT ARE YOU STILL DOING HERE? |
| 411 | I THOUGHT YOU GUYS TOOK OFF. |
| 412 | OH, NO, NO. SHE TOOK OFF... |
| 413 | WITH MY CLOTHES! |
| 414 | ARE YOU NAKED IN THERE? |
| 415 | WELL, NOT EXACTLY. |
| 416 | I'M WEARING PANTIES. |
| 417 | HUH. |
| 418 | YOU, UH... YOU ALWAYS WEAR PANTIES? |
| 419 | NO, NO. THIS IS THE FIRST TIME. |
| 420 | WOW, TALK ABOUT YOUR BAD LUCK. |
| 421 | I MEAN, THE FIRST TIME YOU TRY PANTIES |
| 422 | AND SOMEONE WALKS OFF WITH YOUR CLOTHES. |
| 423 | I WAS NOT TRYING THEM OUT. |
| 424 | SUSIE ASKED ME TO WEAR THEM. |
| 425 | WELL, LET ME SEE. |
| 426 | NO. I'M NOT LETTING YOU OR ANYBODY ELSE SEE EVER. |
| 427 | ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. |
| 428 | WHOA. |
| 429 | SOMEONE'S FLOSSING. |
| 430 | JOEY, SOME PEOPLE DON'T LIKE THAT. |
| 431 | ♪ CHANDLER'S WEARING PANTIES. ♪ |
| 432 | WHAT? |
| 433 | LET ME SEE. |
| 434 | NO, NO. YOU DON'T HAVE TO SEE. |
| 435 | HI, TUSHIE. |
| 436 | ALL RIGHT. ONE OF YOU GIVE ME YOUR UNDERPANTS. |
| 437 | OH, NO. |
| 438 | CAN'T HELP YOU. I'M NOT WEARING ANY. |
| 439 | HOW CAN YOU NOT BE WEARING ANY UNDERWEAR? |
| 440 | I'M GETTING HEAT FROM THE GUY |
| 441 | IN THE HOT PINK THONG. |
| 442 | ALL RIGHT, LOOK. |
| 443 | ROSS, I'LL GIVE YOU $50 FOR YOUR UNDERPANTS. |
| 444 | HEY. HEY. HEY. |
| 445 | ( clearing throat ) |
| 446 | HEY, PHEEBS, CAN I HAVE THE MILK AFTER YOU? |
| 447 | I'M ALMOST DONE. KEEP YOUR PANTIES ON. |
| 448 | HEY, HEY. |
| 449 | AND I'M IN THE MOVIE. |
| 450 | WHAT? WHAT HAPPENED? |
| 451 | ONE OF THE VIRUS VICTIMS CALLED IN SICK, SO CATHY RECOMMENDED ME |
| 452 | AND, BOOM! I'M DYING ON A GURNEY. |
| 453 | HEY! |
| 454 | OH, ROSS |
| 455 | MARCEL JUST FINISHED HIS LAST SCENE |
| 456 | IF YOU WANT TO SAY GOOD-BYE. |
| 457 | UH... NO, THAT'S OKAY. |
| 458 | HE'S PROBABLY GOT PARTIES TO GO TO AND STUFF. |
| 459 | YOU KNOW... |
| 460 | HE'S MOVED ON. |
| 461 | HEY, THAT'S THE WAY IT GOES, RIGHT? |
| 462 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 463 | WHAT? |
| 464 | YOU KNOW, I THINK I WANT TO WRITE A SONG ABOUT ALL THIS. |
| 465 | OH, YEAH? |
| 466 | YEAH. OOH, EXCEPT ONE OF THE STRINGS |
| 467 | ON MY GUITAR IS BROKEN. |
| 468 | HEY, CHANDLER, CAN I BORROW YOUR G-STRING? |
| 469 | HOW LONG YOU BEEN WAITING TO SAY THAT? |
| 470 | ABOUT 20 MINUTES. |
| 471 | CAN'T YOU SEE THIS MAN IS DYING? |
| 472 | ( groaning ) |
| 473 | Director: CUT! |
| 474 | CAN'T YOU SEE THIS MAN IS DYING? |
| 475 | ( groaning louder ) |
| 476 | Director: CUT! |
| 477 | CAN'T YOU SEE THIS MAN IS DYING! |
| 478 | ( groaning ): MOMMY! |
| 479 | OH! |
| 480 | CAN'T YOU SEE THIS MAN IS DEAD? |
| 481 | |
| 1 | HEY. |
| 2 | HEY. |
| 3 | HOLD ON A SECOND. |
| 4 | ( ball clunking ) |
| 5 | HUH? |
| 6 | NICE. |
| 7 | NICE. |
| 8 | HEY, I GOT SOMETHING FOR YOU. |
| 9 | WHAT'S THIS? |
| 10 | 812 BUCKS. |
| 11 | WELL, I DON'T KNOW WHAT BIG LEON TOLD YOU |
| 12 | BUT IT'S AN EVEN THOUSAND IF YOU WANT ME |
| 13 | FOR THE WHOLE NIGHT. |
| 14 | WHAT IS THIS FOR? |
| 15 | WELL, I'M MAKING MONEY NOW |
| 16 | AND THIS IS PAYING YOU BACK |
| 17 | FOR HEAD SHOTS, ELECTRIC BILLS |
| 18 | AND SO MANY SLICES OF PIZZA, I CAN'T EVEN COUNT. |
| 19 | I LOVE YOU, MAN. |
| 20 | WELL, THANKS, MAN. |
| 21 | NOW I CAN GET MY PONY. |
| 22 | HEY, THIS IS A LITTLE EXTRA SOMETHING |
| 23 | FOR, YOU KNOW, ALWAYS BEING THERE FOR ME. |
| 24 | WOW, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY. |
| 25 | WOW, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY. |
| 26 | WELL, WHAT DO YOU SAY? |
| 27 | I DON'T KNOW. |
| 28 | IT'S A BRACELET. |
| 29 | ISN'T IT? |
| 30 | AND IT'S ENGRAVED TOO. |
| 31 | CHECK IT OUT. |
| 32 | "TO MY BEST BUD." |
| 33 | THANKS, BEST BUD. |
| 34 | ( chuckling ) |
| 35 | PUT IT ON. |
| 36 | OH, NOW? |
| 37 | ( chuckling ) |
| 38 | I THINK SOMETHING THIS NICE |
| 39 | SHOULD BE SAVED FOR A SPECIAL OCCASION. |
| 40 | OH, NO, NO, THAT'S THE BEAUTY PART. |
| 41 | IT GOES WITH EVERYTHING. |
| 42 | YOU PUT THIS ON... YOU'RE GOOD TO GO. |
| 43 | OH-HO-HO, MAN. |
| 44 | YOU ARE SO WEARING THAT BRACELET. WHOO. |
| 45 | I SO AM. |
| 46 | WHOA, YOU HAVE ANY IDEA |
| 47 | WHAT THIS WILL DO FOR YOUR SEX LIFE? |
| 48 | IT'LL PROBABLY SLOW IT DOWN AT FIRST |
| 49 | BUT ONCE I GET USED TO THE EXTRA WEIGHT |
| 50 | I'LL BE BACK ON TRACK. |
| 51 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 52 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 53 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 54 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 55 | ♪ AND IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY ♪ |
| 56 | ♪ YOUR WEEK, YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 57 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 58 | ♪ WHEN THE RAIN STARTS TO FALL ♪ |
| 59 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 60 | ♪ LIKE I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE ♪ |
| 61 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 62 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME TOO. ♪ |
| 63 | WELL, THIS ALL LOOKS GOOD. |
| 64 | GREAT. |
| 65 | IF I CALL FOR A REFERENCE ON YOUR LAST JOB? |
| 66 | OH, THAT'S THERE ON THE BOTTOM. |
| 67 | "SEE THE MANAGER, CHANDLER BING"? |
| 68 | LET'S SEE IF YOU'RE |
| 69 | AS GOOD IN PERSON AS YOU ARE ON PAPER. |
| 70 | MAKE ME A SALAD. |
| 71 | A SALAD? |
| 72 | I COULD DO SOMETHING MORE COMPLICATED. |
| 73 | NO, JUST A SALAD WILL BE FINE. |
| 74 | ALL RIGHT, YOU GOT IT. |
| 75 | NOW, I WANT YOU TO TELL ME |
| 76 | WHAT YOU'RE DOING WHILE YOU'RE DOING IT. |
| 77 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 78 | WELL, I'M TEARING THE LETTUCE. |
| 79 | UH-HUH. IS IT DIRTY? |
| 80 | NO, DON'T WORRY. I'LL WASH IT. |
| 81 | DON'T. I LIKE IT DIRTY. |
| 82 | IT'S... YOUR CALL. |
| 83 | SO, UH... WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO NEXT? |
| 84 | WELL, I THOUGHT THAT I WOULD CUT UP THE TOMATOES. |
| 85 | ARE THEY, UH, FIRM? |
| 86 | THEY'RE ALL RIGHT. |
| 87 | YOU SURE THEY HAVEN'T GONE BAD? |
| 88 | YOU SURE THEY'RE NOT VERY, VERY BAD? |
| 89 | NO, REALLY, THEY'RE OKAY. |
| 90 | YOU GOING TO SLICE THEM UP REAL NICE? |
| 91 | I WAS GOING TO DO THEM JULIENNE. |
| 92 | ( moaning ) |
| 93 | I'M OUT OF HERE. |
| 94 | ( phone ringing ) |
| 95 | HELLO? |
| 96 | NO, RACHEL'S NOT HERE RIGHT NOW. |
| 97 | CAN I TAKE A MESSAGE? |
| 98 | AND HOW DO WE SPELL CASEY? |
| 99 | IS IT LIKE "AT THE BAT" OR "AND THE SUNSHINE BAND"? |
| 100 | OKAY. |
| 101 | BYE-BYE. |
| 102 | HEY, WHO'S THIS, UH, THIS CASEY? |
| 103 | OH, SOME GUY SHE MET AT THE MOVIES. |
| 104 | WHAT DOES HE WANT WITH HER? |
| 105 | WELL, I'M GUESSING HE WANTS TO |
| 106 | DO A LITTLE DANCE... |
| 107 | YOU KNOW, MAKE A LITTLE LOVE, AND... |
| 108 | WELL, PRETTY MUCH GET DOWN TONIGHT. |
| 109 | I DON'T KNOW. |
| 110 | I DON'T GET IT. |
| 111 | TWO MONTHS AGO, RACHEL AND I WERE THIS CLOSE, RIGHT? |
| 112 | NOW I'M TAKING MESSAGES |
| 113 | FROM GUYS SHE... SHE MEETS AT THE MOVIES? |
| 114 | I MEAN, THIS CASEY SHOULD BE |
| 115 | TAKING DOWN MY MESSAGES, YOU KNOW? |
| 116 | OR, OR... RACHEL AND I SHOULD BE TOGETHER |
| 117 | AND WE SHOULD GET... |
| 118 | SOME KIND OF MESSAGE SERVICE. |
| 119 | HANG IN THERE. |
| 120 | IT'S GOING TO HAPPEN. |
| 121 | NOW HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT? |
| 122 | BECAUSE SHE'S YOUR LOBSTER. |
| 123 | OH, SHE'S GOING SOMEWHERE. |
| 124 | COME ON, YOU GUYS. |
| 125 | IT'S A KNOWN FACT THAT LOBSTERS |
| 126 | FALL IN LOVE AND MATE FOR LIFE. |
| 127 | YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 128 | YOU CAN ACTUALLY SEE OLD LOBSTER COUPLES |
| 129 | WALKING AROUND THEIR TANK |
| 130 | YOU KNOW, HOLDING CLAWS, LIKE... |
| 131 | HEY, YOU FEELING BETTER? |
| 132 | YEAH, I THINK THAT FIFTH SHOWER |
| 133 | ACTUALLY GOT THE INTERVIEW OFF ME. |
| 134 | SO, DO YOU HAVE ANY OTHER POSSIBILITIES? |
| 135 | YEAH, WELL, THERE IS THE POSSIBILITY |
| 136 | THAT I WON'T MAKE RENT. |
| 137 | IF YOU WANT, I CAN LEND YOU MONEY. |
| 138 | NO, NO, 'CAUSE IF I COULDN'T PAY YOU BACK RIGHT AWAY |
| 139 | I'D FEEL GUILTY AND TENSE EVERY TIME I SAW YOU. |
| 140 | WHY NOT BORROW IT FROM MOM AND DAD? |
| 141 | YOU FEEL GUILTY AND TENSE AROUND THEM ALREADY. |
| 142 | YOU MIGHT AS WELL MAKE SOME MONEY |
| 143 | OFF OF THEM. |
| 144 | YOU KNOW, THE MAN'S GOT A POINT. |
| 145 | OOH. |
| 146 | WHAT IS THAT SPARKLY THING? |
| 147 | THAT THING? |
| 148 | IT'S A, UH... |
| 149 | YEAH, IT'S... |
| 150 | IT'S A LITTLE FLASHY. |
| 151 | NO, NO. NO, NO. |
| 152 | IT'S NOT FLASHY, NOT FOR A GOODFELLA. |
| 153 | MAN! |
| 154 | MAN, THAT IS SHARP. |
| 155 | THAT MUST HAVE COST YOU QUITE A FEW DOUBLOONS. |
| 156 | HI. |
| 157 | HI. HI, DARLING. |
| 158 | SO, WHAT'S THIS? |
| 159 | SOME OF YOUR OLD STUFF. |
| 160 | WELL, SWEETIE, WE HAVE A SURPRISE FOR YOU. |
| 161 | WE'RE TURNING YOUR ROOM INTO A GYM. |
| 162 | WOW, THAT IS A SURPRISE. |
| 163 | JUST ONE LITTLE QUESTION. |
| 164 | UH, WHY NOT ROSS' ROOM? |
| 165 | GOSH, WE TALKED ABOUT THAT |
| 166 | BUT YOUR BROTHER HAS SO MANY SCIENCE TROPHIES |
| 167 | AND PLAQUES AND MERIT BADGES... |
| 168 | WELL, WE DIDN'T WANT TO DISTURB THEM. |
| 169 | OH, GOD FORBID. |
| 170 | OH, HI. |
| 171 | HELLO. |
| 172 | RACHEL, OH... |
| 173 | WE WERE SO SORRY TO HEAR |
| 174 | ABOUT YOUR PARENTS SPLITTING UP, DEAR. |
| 175 | WELL, YOU KNOW, THEY'RE JUST SEPARATED |
| 176 | SO, YOU NEVER KNOW. WE'LL SEE. |
| 177 | WELL, I CAN'T SAY ANY OF US WERE SURPRISED. |
| 178 | YOUR PARENTS HAVE BEEN UNHAPPY EVER SINCE |
| 179 | WE'VE KNOWN THEM... |
| 180 | ESPECIALLY AFTER THAT INCIDENT |
| 181 | IN HAWAII. |
| 182 | WHAT... |
| 183 | WHAT INCIDENT? |
| 184 | UH, NO. NO, NO, NO, NO |
| 185 | I MUST BE THINKING OF SOMEONE ELSE. |
| 186 | MAYBE ME-- HA. |
| 187 | DON'T YOU HAVE SOME FOLDING TO DO? |
| 188 | GO FOLD, DEAR, FOLD. |
| 189 | YOU FOLD. GO AHEAD. |
| 190 | DO YOU WANT A REFILL? |
| 191 | NO, I'M ALL RIGHT. THANKS. |
| 192 | Phoebe: OKAY. OOH. |
| 193 | OKAY, YOU GOT TO GIVE ME A SECOND. |
| 194 | I WANT TO GET THIS JUST RIGHT. |
| 195 | ( clearing throat ) |
| 196 | ( sniffing ) |
| 197 | DUDE-- 11:00, TOTALLY HOT BABE CHECKING YOU OUT. |
| 198 | THAT WAS REALLY GOOD. |
| 199 | THINK I'M READY FOR MY PENIS NOW. |
| 200 | I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING-- |
| 201 | DAVE THOMAS, FOUNDER OF WENDY'S. |
| 202 | ( laughing ) |
| 203 | I'M GAIL. |
| 204 | CHANDLER. |
| 205 | ( chuckling ) |
| 206 | I... I, I REALLY HAVE TO BE SOMEWHERE |
| 207 | BUT IT WAS NICE MEETING YOU. |
| 208 | WHA... |
| 209 | WHA... |
| 210 | OH, THIS IS EXCELLENT. |
| 211 | YOU KNOW, HE COULD HAVE GOT ME A V.C.R. |
| 212 | HE COULD HAVE GOT ME A SET OF GOLF CLUBS |
| 213 | BUT NO, HE HAS TO GET ME "THE WOMAN REPELLER." |
| 214 | THE EYESORE FROM THE LIBERACE HOUSE OF CRAP! |
| 215 | IT'S NOT THAT BAD. |
| 216 | YOU DON'T HAVE TO WALK AROUND |
| 217 | SPORTING SOME REJECT FROM THE MR. "T" COLLECTION. |
| 218 | CHANDLER... CHANDLER. |
| 219 | "I PITY THE FOOL THAT PUTS ON MY JEWELRY! |
| 220 | "I DO! I DO! |
| 221 | I PITY THE FOOL THAT--" HI. |
| 222 | HEY, MAN, WE WERE JUST DOING |
| 223 | SOME IMPRESSIONS OVER HERE. |
| 224 | DO YOUR MARCEL MARCEAU. |
| 225 | THAT'S ACTUALLY GOOD. |
| 226 | WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT GUY? |
| 227 | HOW LONG HAS HE BEEN TALKING TO HER? |
| 228 | IT'S LIKE, BACK OFF, BUDDY. |
| 229 | SHE'S A WAITRESS, NOT A GEISHA. |
| 230 | I THINK SHE'S OKAY. |
| 231 | LOOK AT THAT. LOOK AT THAT. |
| 232 | SEE HOW SHE'S PUSHING HIM AWAY, AND HE WON'T BUDGE? |
| 233 | ALL RIGHT, I'M GOING TO DO SOMETHING. |
| 234 | YEAH, YOU CAN GET A CONDO |
| 235 | RIGHT ON THE MOUNTAINSIDE. |
| 236 | YOU SKI IN, SKI OUT. IT'S GREAT. |
| 237 | I LOVE IT. |
| 238 | EXCUSE ME? ARE YOU RACHEL? |
| 239 | WHAT? |
| 240 | ROSS GELLER. |
| 241 | GOD, IN YOUR AD YOU SAID YOU WERE PRETTY... |
| 242 | BUT WOW. |
| 243 | WHAT ARE YOU... WHAT ARE YOU DOING? |
| 244 | OH, MY GOD. IS THIS... IS THIS THE WRONG DAY? |
| 245 | I DON'T BELIEVE IT. |
| 246 | I GUESS IF IT WORKS OUT |
| 247 | WE'LL HAVE SOMETHING TO TELL THE GRANDKIDS. |
| 248 | YOU SURE WILL. |
| 249 | I'VE UH... GOT TO GO. |
| 250 | WAIT... WHAT... |
| 251 | TAKE CARE. |
| 252 | OKAY. SEE YOU LATER. |
| 253 | NICE MEETING YOU. |
| 254 | ( sighs ) |
| 255 | YOU'RE WELCOME. |
| 256 | WHAT? |
| 257 | I WAS SAVING YOU. |
| 258 | SAVE ME FROM THE PLEASANT CONVERSATION |
| 259 | WITH THE INTERESTING MAN? |
| 260 | FROM WHERE I WAS SITTING... |
| 261 | OKAY, ROSS, LISTEN TO ME. |
| 262 | I AM NOT YOURS TO SAVE. |
| 263 | BUT, YOU ARE. |
| 264 | WHAT? |
| 265 | WELL, YOU, UM... |
| 266 | YOU'RE MY LOBSTER. |
| 267 | OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 268 | ARE YOU BEING, LIKE, THE BLIND DATE GUY AGAIN? |
| 269 | NO, NO. |
| 270 | YOU'RE MY LOBSTER. |
| 271 | SEE, UM... LOBSTERS, UH... |
| 272 | IN THE TANK, WHEN THEY'RE OLD, UH... |
| 273 | THEY GET WITH THE... |
| 274 | THEY WALK AROUND HOLDING THE CLAWS. |
| 275 | IN THE TANK, YOU KNOW? |
| 276 | WITH... WITH THE HOLDING? AND... |
| 277 | PHEEBS, YOU WANT TO HELP ME |
| 278 | WITH THE WHOLE LOBSTER THING? |
| 279 | DO THE CLAWS AGAIN. |
| 280 | RACH... OKAY, FORGET THE LOBSTERS, OKAY? |
| 281 | WE'RE... LET'S TALK... WHAT ABOUT US? |
| 282 | ROSS, THERE IS NO US. |
| 283 | OKAY? |
| 284 | NO, BUT... |
| 285 | NO, LISTEN TO ME. |
| 286 | I FELL FOR YOU, AND I GET CLOBBERED. |
| 287 | YOU, THEN, FALL FOR ME |
| 288 | AND I, AGAIN, SOMEHOW GET CLOBBERED. |
| 289 | I'M TIRED OF BEING CLOBBERED, YOU KNOW? |
| 290 | IT'S... IT'S JUST NOT WORTH IT. |
| 291 | WELL, BUT... BUT... |
| 292 | NO "BUT," ROSS. |
| 293 | WE ARE NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN, OKAY? |
| 294 | ACCEPT THAT. |
| 295 | EX... EXCEPT... |
| 296 | EXCEPT THAT WHAT? |
| 297 | NO. |
| 298 | NO. |
| 299 | ACCEPT... THAT. |
| 300 | OH. |
| 301 | HEY, MAN. LOOK, IT'S MY BEST BUD. |
| 302 | HOW YOU DOING? |
| 303 | WOW. |
| 304 | YOU ARE REALLY GETTING GOOD |
| 305 | AT THAT MARCEL MARCEAU THING. |
| 306 | WHAT DO YOU SAY WE PLAY SOME BALL? |
| 307 | YOU AND ME. |
| 308 | OKAY, THAT'S MY BAD. |
| 309 | IF YOU HATED THE BRACELET SO MUCH |
| 310 | YOU SHOULD'VE JUST SAID SO. |
| 311 | DOESN'T THE FACT THAT I WORE THE BRACELET |
| 312 | EVEN THOUGH I HATED IT |
| 313 | SAY SOMETHING ABOUT OUR FRIENDSHIP? |
| 314 | WHAT ABOUT THE FACT THAT YOU INSULTED THE BRACELET |
| 315 | AND MADE FUN OF ME? |
| 316 | OKAY, WELL, THAT'S THE PART WHERE I'M A WANK |
| 317 | BUT I WAS HOPING WE WOULDN'T FOCUS ON THAT. |
| 318 | COME ON, MAN, I SAID I WAS SORRY LIKE A HUNDRED TIMES. |
| 319 | I PROMISE, I WILL NEVER TAKE IT OFF MY... |
| 320 | WRIST. |
| 321 | BUT IF YOU WANT TO STAY IN THERE AND BE MAD |
| 322 | YOU JUST, UH, YOU STAY IN THERE. |
| 323 | YOU KNOW WHAT..? |
| 324 | I AM HERE ON MY KNEES... |
| 325 | HOLDING UP THESE COUCH CUSHIONS... |
| 326 | AS A SYMBOL OF MY SORROW AND REGRET... |
| 327 | MUCH LIKE THEY DID IN BIBLICAL TIMES. |
| 328 | THOUGH YOU MAY HAVETH ANGER NOW... |
| 329 | YOU KNOW |
| 330 | THAT STEFFI GRAF HAS QUITE A TUSH. |
| 331 | I'M JUST SAYING. |
| 332 | IT'S RIGHT THERE. |
| 333 | HEY, GUYS. |
| 334 | Judy: HI, DARLING. |
| 335 | WHERE'S MY GRANDSON? |
| 336 | YOU DIDN'T BRING HIM? |
| 337 | NO, HE'S AT CAROL'S AND SUSAN'S TODAY. |
| 338 | A WOMAN IN MY OFFICE IS A LESBIAN. |
| 339 | I'M JUST SAYING. |
| 340 | OH, JACK, LOOK. |
| 341 | THERE'S THAT HOUSE PAINT COMMERCIAL |
| 342 | THAT CRACKS YOU UP. |
| 343 | WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? |
| 344 | EMOTIONAL HELL. |
| 345 | SO, DID THEY LEND YOU THE MONEY YET? |
| 346 | NO. I HAVEN'T ASKED THEM YET. |
| 347 | COME ON, MONICA, DO IT. |
| 348 | HEY, YOU GUYS. |
| 349 | UM, MONICA HAS SOME NEWS. |
| 350 | UM, YEAH, UH... |
| 351 | I'M SORRY I DIDN'T TELL YOU THIS BEFORE |
| 352 | BUT, UM, I'M NO LONGER AT MY JOB. |
| 353 | I HAD TO LEAVE IT. |
| 354 | WHY? |
| 355 | BECAUSE THEY MADE ME. |
| 356 | YOU WERE... FIRED? |
| 357 | WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO? |
| 358 | JUDY, JUDY, RELAX. |
| 359 | THIS IS OUR LITTLE HARMONICA WE'RE TALKING ABOUT. |
| 360 | WE TAUGHT HER WELL. |
| 361 | TEN PERCENT OF YOUR PAYCHECK, WHERE DOES IT GO? |
| 362 | IN THE BANK. IN THE BANK. |
| 363 | SO SHE DIPS INTO HER SAVINGS. |
| 364 | THAT'S WHAT IT'S THERE FOR. |
| 365 | SHE'S GOING TO BE FINE. |
| 366 | AND IF YOU NEED A LITTLE EXTRA |
| 367 | YOU KNOW WHERE TO FIND IT. |
| 368 | ANYTHING LARGER BACK THERE? |
| 369 | I CAN'T BELIEVE IT. |
| 370 | WOULD YOU STOP ALREADY? |
| 371 | GET OUT OF THE BITTER BARN |
| 372 | AND PLAY IN THE HAY. |
| 373 | OH, YOU'RE RIGHT. |
| 374 | I SHOULD PLAY IN THE HAY. |
| 375 | FORGET ABOUT THE FACT THAT I JUST DROPPED $400 |
| 376 | TO REPLACE A BRACELET THAT I HATED TO BEGIN WITH. |
| 377 | BRING ON THE HAY. |
| 378 | HEY. |
| 379 | I'VE GOT SOMETHING |
| 380 | THAT'S GOING TO MAKE YOU HAPPY. |
| 381 | GUESS WHAT GUNTHER FOUND. |
| 382 | OH! |
| 383 | HEY, NOW YOU HAVE TWO. |
| 384 | OH. |
| 385 | NOW YOU HAVE TWO. |
| 386 | WHAT AM I GOING TO DO? |
| 387 | HEY. |
| 388 | HEY... |
| 389 | HOW COME YOU HAVE TWO? |
| 390 | WELL, THIS ONE'S FOR YOU. |
| 391 | GET OUT. |
| 392 | NO, I CAN'T. |
| 393 | I KNOW HOW MUCH THIS MEANS TO YOU |
| 394 | AND I ALSO KNOW |
| 395 | THAT THIS IS ABOUT MORE THAN JUST JEWELRY. |
| 396 | IT'S ABOUT YOU AND ME |
| 397 | AND THE FACT THAT WE'RE BEST BUDS. |
| 398 | WOW. |
| 399 | IS THIS FRIENDSHIP? |
| 400 | I THINK SO. |
| 401 | CHECK IT OUT. |
| 402 | WE'RE BRACELET BUDDIES. |
| 403 | THAT'S WHAT THEY'LL CALL US. |
| 404 | OKAY, HERE YOU GO. |
| 405 | YOU CAN PAY ME BACK WHENEVER YOU LIKE. |
| 406 | YOU HAVE DINOSAUR CHECKS? |
| 407 | YEAH, YOU GET YOUR MONEY |
| 408 | AND YOU LEARN A LITTLE SOMETHING. |
| 409 | WHAT'S WRONG WITH THAT? |
| 410 | NOTHING. NOTHING. |
| 411 | HEY, YOU'RE A CHEAPASAURUS. |
| 412 | I'M KIDDING. I'M KIDDING. |
| 413 | THANK YOU. I'M VERY GRATEFUL. |
| 414 | MON, WHAT IS THIS? |
| 415 | OH, UM, THAT WAS MY BATHING SUIT FROM HIGH SCHOOL. |
| 416 | I WAS A LITTLE BIGGER THEN. |
| 417 | I THOUGHT THAT'S WHAT THEY USE |
| 418 | TO COVER CONNECTICUT |
| 419 | WHEN IT RAINS. |
| 420 | HEY, MONICA, WHAT'S ON THIS VIDEOTAPE? |
| 421 | I DON'T KNOW. YOU GOT ME. |
| 422 | LET'S PUT IT IN. |
| 423 | HELLO. |
| 424 | HI. |
| 425 | HEY. |
| 426 | MMM... |
| 427 | Over here, Jack. |
| 428 | Okay. |
| 429 | I see Rachel's coming up the path. |
| 430 | Oh, doesn't she look pretty? |
| 431 | Jack, can you get this? |
| 432 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 433 | WHAT IS WITH YOUR NOSE? |
| 434 | THEY HAD TO REDUCE IT BECAUSE OF MY DEVIATED SEPTUM. |
| 435 | OKAY, I WAS WRONG. |
| 436 | THAT'S WHAT THEY USE TO COVER CONNECTICUT. |
| 437 | THIS IS US GETTING READY FOR THE PROM. |
| 438 | OH. |
| 439 | WE DON'T HAVE TO WATCH THIS. |
| 440 | YEAH, WE DO. |
| 441 | IT'LL BE FUN. |
| 442 | Did you get a shot of Monica? |
| 443 | WHERE'S MONICA? |
| 444 | OVER HERE, DAD. |
| 445 | Jack: WAIT. HOW DO YOU ZOOM OUT? |
| 446 | THERE SHE IS. |
| 447 | SOME GIRL ATE MONICA. |
| 448 | SHUT UP. |
| 449 | THE CAMERA ADDS TEN POUNDS. |
| 450 | SO, HOW MANY CAMERAS ARE ACTUALLY ON YOU? |
| 451 | Oh, you look so great. |
| 452 | So do you. Beautiful. |
| 453 | Oops. |
| 454 | Shoot. I got mayonnaise on you. |
| 455 | Oh, that's okay. |
| 456 | It's just the shoulder, not my dress. |
| 457 | Jack: EVERYBODY SMILE. |
| 458 | OH. |
| 459 | DAD, TURN IT OFF. |
| 460 | IT IS OFF. |
| 461 | IT IS NOT. |
| 462 | WHAT'S WITH THE RED LIGHT? |
| 463 | THAT'S THE "OFF" LIGHT. |
| 464 | RIGHT, ROSS? |
| 465 | LOOKING GOOD, MR. KOTTER. |
| 466 | YOU LOOK REALLY PRETTY TONIGHT. |
| 467 | OH, THANKS. |
| 468 | SO, WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO THIS SUMMER? |
| 469 | I'M GOING TO HANG OUT, WORK ON MY MUSIC. |
| 470 | OH. |
| 471 | IS MY HOOK UNHOOKED? |
| 472 | THESE THINGS KEEP FALLING DOWN. |
| 473 | I CAN'T... |
| 474 | KEEP THEM UP. |
| 475 | Uh, let me see. |
| 476 | I don't know. |
| 477 | So, what are you going to do... |
| 478 | Oh, the guys are here! |
| 479 | ...this summer? |
| 480 | WORK ON YOUR MUSIC? |
| 481 | ( playing "Axel F" from Beverly Hills Cop ) |
| 482 | Rachel: OH, MY GOD! |
| 483 | THERE'S ROY GUBLICK! |
| 484 | YOU KNOW, ROY SAW STAR WARS 317 TIMES. |
| 485 | HIS NAME WAS IN THE PAPER. |
| 486 | WHERE'S CHIP? |
| 487 | WHY ISN'T HE HERE YET? |
| 488 | HE'LL BE HERE, OKAY? |
| 489 | TAKE A CHILL PILL. |
| 490 | THERE. |
| 491 | I JUST TOLD RACHEL |
| 492 | THAT ROY TOUCHED MY BOOB. |
| 493 | I CAN'T GO TO MY OWN PROM WITHOUT A DATE. |
| 494 | I CAN'T. IT'S TOO LATE. |
| 495 | IF YOU'RE NOT GOING, I DON'T WANT TO GO EITHER. |
| 496 | OH, I'M GOING TO KICK CHIP'S ASS. |
| 497 | I HAVE A WONDERFUL IDEA. |
| 498 | YOU SHOULD TAKE RACHEL TO THE PROM. |
| 499 | DOUBTFUL. |
| 500 | JACK, GIVE ME THAT. |
| 501 | TALK TO YOUR SON. |
| 502 | OKAY, OKAY, OKAY. |
| 503 | YOUR MOTHER'S RIGHT. TAKE HER. |
| 504 | YOU COULD WEAR MY TUX. |
| 505 | SHE WON'T WANT TO GO WITH ME. |
| 506 | Of course, she would. |
| 507 | You're a college man. |
| 508 | I DON'T KNOW. |
| 509 | WELL, COME ON. |
| 510 | DON'T YOU WANT TO FIND OUT? |
| 511 | I CAN'T BELIEVE |
| 512 | I DON'T GET TO GO TO MY OWN PROM. |
| 513 | THIS IS SO HARSH. |
| 514 | OKAY. |
| 515 | HOLD MY BOARD. |
| 516 | ATTABOY. |
| 517 | OKAY, YOU GUYS, I THINK WE'VE SEEN ENOUGH. |
| 518 | NO, NO, NO. |
| 519 | NO. |
| 520 | FINE. I'M NOT GOING TO WATCH. |
| 521 | Come on, kid. |
| 522 | LET'S GO. |
| 523 | Judy: ARE YOU HANDSOME. |
| 524 | Jack: LET'S SHOW THEM. |
| 525 | JUST A SEC, DAD. |
| 526 | JUST BE COOL. |
| 527 | JUST BE COOL. |
| 528 | OKAY, DAD. |
| 529 | RACHEL, READY OR NOT |
| 530 | HERE COMES YOUR KNIGHT IN SHINING... |
| 531 | OH, NO. |
| 532 | BYE, YOU GUYS! |
| 533 | DON'T WAIT UP! |
| 534 | CHIP! |
| 535 | Judy: OH, DEAR. |
| 536 | JACK, HOW DO I SHUT THIS DAMN THING OFF? |
| 537 | Press the button. |
| 538 | Which one? Which button? Jack... |
| 539 | The button. The button. |
| 540 | I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DID THAT. |
| 541 | YEAH, WELL... |
| 542 | SEE? |
| 543 | HE'S HER LOBSTER. |
| 544 | Judy: Dance with him. |
| 545 | Mom, I'm hungry. |
| 546 | Dance with your father. |
| 547 | I MAY NOT KNOW ANY OF YOUR FLASHDANCES |
| 548 | BUT I'M NO SLOUCH ON THE DANCE FLOOR. |
| 549 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 550 | OH, JACK. |
| 551 | OH, JUDY. |
| 552 | Oh, Jack. |
| 553 | Judith... |
| 554 | Oh, Judy... Yes... Yes... |
| 555 | [Captioned by The Caption Center WGBH Educational Foundation] |
| 556 | |
| 1 | ALL RIGHT, NO PEEKING. |
| 2 | NO PEEKING. |
| 3 | NO PEEKING. NO PEEKING! |
| 4 | ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, BUT YOU'D BETTER BE WEARING CLOTHES |
| 5 | WHEN I OPEN MY EYES. |
| 6 | ALL RIGHT. OPEN YOUR EYES. |
| 7 | SWEET MOTHER OF ALL THAT IS GOOD AND PURE. |
| 8 | DAYS OF OUR LIVES PICKED UP MY OPTION. |
| 9 | CONGRATULATIONS! |
| 10 | I KNOW. |
| 11 | NOW WE CAN FINALLY WATCH GREEN ACRES THE WAY IT WAS MEANT TO BE SEEN. |
| 12 | SO, UH... WHICH ONE IS MINE? |
| 13 | WHICHEVER ONE YOU WANT, MAN. |
| 14 | WHICHEVER ONE YOU WANT. |
| 15 | NOT THAT ONE. |
| 16 | OH, YES. |
| 17 | OH, YEAH, THAT'S THE STUFF. |
| 18 | DO WE DARE? |
| 19 | WE DARE. |
| 20 | AH... AH... |
| 21 | AH... AH... AH... AH... |
| 22 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 23 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 24 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 25 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 26 | ♪ WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY ♪ |
| 27 | ♪ YOUR WEEK, YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 28 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 29 | ♪ WHEN THE RAIN STARTS TO POUR ♪ |
| 30 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 31 | ♪ LIKE I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE ♪ |
| 32 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 33 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME TOO. ♪ |
| 34 | I CAN'T BELIEVE TWO COWS MADE THE ULTIMATE SACRIFICE |
| 35 | SO YOU GUYS COULD WATCH TV WITH YOUR FEET UP. |
| 36 | THEY WERE CHAIR-SHAPED COWS. |
| 37 | THEY NEVER WOULD HAVE SURVIVED IN THE WILD. |
| 38 | THAT SCREEN IS AMAZING. |
| 39 | DICK VAN DYKE IS PRACTICALLY LIFE-SIZE. |
| 40 | ( gasping ) |
| 41 | ROSE MARIE REALLY BELONGS ON A SMALLER SCREEN, DOESN'T SHE? |
| 42 | HI, YOU GUYS. |
| 43 | HEY. |
| 44 | HEY, YOU. |
| 45 | HEY, YOU. |
| 46 | HEY, YO. WHOA, HEY. |
| 47 | SO, UH, HOW WAS YOUR DAY? |
| 48 | OH, YOU KNOW, PRETTY MUCH THE USUAL. |
| 49 | SUN SHINING, BIRDS CHIRPING. |
| 50 | REALLY? MINE TOO. |
| 51 | HEY, COOL, MINE TOO. |
| 52 | ( pager beeping ) |
| 53 | YEAH, YEAH, YEAH. |
| 54 | I GOT TO GET TO THE MUSEUM. |
| 55 | SO, UM... I'LL SEE YOU TONIGHT? |
| 56 | OKAY. |
| 57 | BYE, GUYS. |
| 58 | BYE. |
| 59 | TONIGHT? |
| 60 | Both: HEY, YO, HEY, YO. |
| 61 | WHAT'S TONIGHT? |
| 62 | IT IS OUR FIRST OFFICIAL DATE. |
| 63 | OUR FIRST DATE. |
| 64 | HELLO? |
| 65 | HI. |
| 66 | TONIGHT YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO WAITRESS FOR ME. |
| 67 | MY CATERING THING? |
| 68 | ANY OF THOSE WORDS TRIGGER ANYTHING FOR YOU? |
| 69 | OH, GOD, MONICA, I FORGOT. |
| 70 | THIS IS OUR FIRST DATE. |
| 71 | YES, BUT MY MOM GOT ME THIS JOB. |
| 72 | I CAN BE A WAITRESS. I CAN BE A WAITRESS! |
| 73 | THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU. |
| 74 | SEE? PHOEBE? |
| 75 | REALLY, PHEEBS? BECAUSE YOU'D HAVE TO BE AN ACTUAL WAITRESS. |
| 76 | THIS CAN'T BE LIKE YOUR "I CAN BE A BEAR CUB" THING. |
| 77 | I CAN BE A WAITRESS. |
| 78 | OKAY, WATCH THIS. |
| 79 | GIVE ME TWO NUMBER ONES, 86 THE BACON |
| 80 | ONE ADAM AND EVE ON A RAFT AND WRECK 'EM. |
| 81 | ♪ LA-LA LA-LA-LA, LA-LA LA-LA-LA ♪ |
| 82 | ( buzzing ) |
| 83 | IT'S JAMES BOND. |
| 84 | SORRY WE'RE LATE. |
| 85 | THAT'S OKAY. COME ON IN. |
| 86 | I'M SORRY, IS MONICA GELLER COMING? |
| 87 | I WAS TOLD SHE WAS. |
| 88 | DR. BURKE, IT'S ME. |
| 89 | MONICA? |
| 90 | MY GOD! |
| 91 | YOU USED TO BE SO... |
| 92 | I MEAN YOU... YOU MUST HAVE LOST LIKE... |
| 93 | YOU LOOK GREAT. |
| 94 | THANK YOU. THIS IS MY FRIEND PHOEBE. |
| 95 | SHE'S GOING TO BE HELPING ME TONIGHT. |
| 96 | HI, PHOEBE. NICE TO MEET YOU. |
| 97 | ( giggling ) |
| 98 | SO HOW'VE YOU BEEN? I'VE BEEN GREAT. |
| 99 | JUST GREAT. HOW'VE YOU BEEN? |
| 100 | OH, WELL, OBVIOUSLY, BARBARA AND I SPLIT UP |
| 101 | OTHERWISE, YOU WOULDN'T HAVE DONE THE HEAD TILT. |
| 102 | THE HEAD TILT? YEAH. |
| 103 | SINCE THE DIVORCE, WHEN ANYBODY ASKS ME HOW I AM |
| 104 | IT'S ALWAYS WITH A SYMPATHETIC HEAD TILT. |
| 105 | "HOW YOU DOING? YOU OKAY?" |
| 106 | I'M SORRY. NO, NO. |
| 107 | IT'S FINE. BELIEVE ME, I DO IT TOO. |
| 108 | I ALWAYS ANSWER WITH THE "I'M OKAY" HEAD BOB. |
| 109 | "I'M OKAY." |
| 110 | "YOU SURE?" "YEAH, I'M FINE." |
| 111 | I GOT TO SET UP THE MUSIC. I GOT A NEW CD CHANGER. |
| 112 | OF COURSE THE DIVORCE ONLY LEFT ME WITH FOUR CDs TO CHANGE. |
| 113 | OH. |
| 114 | THAT'S TOO BAD. |
| 115 | I'LL SURVIVE. |
| 116 | ...to the reverse. |
| 117 | UH, TWO LARGES, EXTRA CHEESE ON BOTH. |
| 118 | BUT LISTEN, DON'T RING THE BUZZER FOR 19. |
| 119 | RING 20-- GELLER/GREEN. |
| 120 | THEY'LL LET YOU IN, OKAY? |
| 121 | IF YOU BUZZ OUR DOOR, THERE'S NO TIP FOR YOU. |
| 122 | OKAY, THANKS. |
| 123 | PIZZA'S ON THE WAY. I TOLD YOU WE WOULDN'T HAVE TO GET UP. |
| 124 | WHAT IF WE HAVE TO PEE? |
| 125 | I'LL CANCEL THE SODAS. |
| 126 | YOU'VE GOT TO GET BACK OUT THERE. |
| 127 | IT'S YOUR PARTY. |
| 128 | BUT THEY'RE SO DULL. |
| 129 | THEY'RE ALL OPHTHALMOLOGISTS. |
| 130 | YOU'RE AN OPHTHALMOLOGIST. |
| 131 | ONLY BECAUSE MY PARENTS WANTED ME TO BE. |
| 132 | I WANTED TO BE A SHERIFF. |
| 133 | THAT'S FUNNY. CADILLAC-- CATARACT. |
| 134 | I GET IT. NO, I GET IT. NO, YOU STAY OUT THERE! |
| 135 | YOU SEE? |
| 136 | I'LL TELL YOU WHAT. |
| 137 | I'LL COME GET YOU IN FIVE MINUTES |
| 138 | WITH SOME SORT OF... KABOB EMERGENCY. |
| 139 | OKAY. |
| 140 | YOU BETTER. |
| 141 | OH, GOD, HERE WE GO. |
| 142 | HEY, WANT TO SEE THEM GO NUTS? |
| 143 | WATCH THIS. |
| 144 | WHO NEEDS GLASSES? |
| 145 | ( laughter ) |
| 146 | YOU ARE SO SMITTEN. |
| 147 | I AM NOT. |
| 148 | OH, YOU ARE SO MUCH THE SMITTEN KITTEN. |
| 149 | YOU SHOULD ASK HIM OUT. |
| 150 | DR. BURKE? I DON'T THINK SO. |
| 151 | I MEAN, LIKE, HE'S A GROWNUP. |
| 152 | SO? |
| 153 | YOU TWO ARE TOTALLY INTO EACH OTHER. |
| 154 | PHOEBE, HE'S A FRIEND OF MY PARENTS. |
| 155 | HE'S LIKE 20 YEARS OLDER THAN ME. |
| 156 | SO YOU'RE JUST NEVER GOING TO SEE HIM AGAIN? |
| 157 | NOT NEVER. |
| 158 | I MEAN, I'M GOING TO SEE HIM TOMORROW |
| 159 | AT MY EYE APPOINTMENT. |
| 160 | DIDN'T YOU JUST GET YOUR EYES CHECKED? |
| 161 | WELL, YEAH. BUT, YOU KNOW, 27 IS A... |
| 162 | DANGEROUS EYE AGE. |
| 163 | COME ON. I'M NOT SAYING IT WAS A BAD MOVIE. |
| 164 | I'M JUST SAYING IT WAS A LITTLE... |
| 165 | HARD TO FOLLOW. |
| 166 | I TOLD YOU THERE WERE GOING TO BE SUBTITLES. |
| 167 | I KNOW. |
| 168 | I JUST DIDN'T WANT TO WEAR MY GLASSES |
| 169 | ON OUR FIRST DATE. |
| 170 | OH. |
| 171 | MONICA? |
| 172 | IT WOULD REALLY HELP WHEN I'M KISSING YOU |
| 173 | IF YOU DIDN'T SHOUT OUT MY SISTER'S NAME. |
| 174 | HONEY, I'M JUST CHECKING. |
| 175 | MONICA? MON? |
| 176 | MONICA? |
| 177 | MON? MONICA? |
| 178 | ( giggling ) |
| 179 | WHAT? |
| 180 | WHAT? I'M SORRY. OH, GOD, I'M SORRY. |
| 181 | IT'S JUST THAT WHEN YOU MOVED YOUR HANDS DOWN TO MY BUTT |
| 182 | IT WAS LIKE, "WHOA, ROSS'S HANDS ARE ON MY BUTT." |
| 183 | SORRY. |
| 184 | AND THAT'S FUNNY... WHY? |
| 185 | WELL, IT'S NOT. |
| 186 | I MEAN, I'M SORRY. I GUESS I'M JUST NERVOUS. |
| 187 | I MEAN, IT'S YOU. |
| 188 | YOU KNOW, IT'S US. |
| 189 | I MEAN, WE'RE CROSSING THAT LINE. |
| 190 | IT'S SORT OF A BIG THING. |
| 191 | WELL, I KNOW IT'S BIG. I JUST DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS... |
| 192 | HA-HA BIG. |
| 193 | OKAY. |
| 194 | ( laughing ) |
| 195 | OKAY, MY HANDS WERE NOWHERE NEAR YOUR BUTT. |
| 196 | I KNOW, I KNOW, I KNOW, I KNOW. |
| 197 | I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT WHEN THEY WERE THERE THE LAST TIME. |
| 198 | I'M SORRY. I'M SORRY. I'M SORRY. |
| 199 | OKAY, LOOK, WHOA. I PROMISE I'M GOOD. |
| 200 | I'M NOT GOING TO LAUGH ANYMORE. PUT YOUR HANDS BACK ON. |
| 201 | NO, NOW I CAN'T BECAUSE, UH... |
| 202 | I'M FEELING TOO SELF-CONSCIOUS. |
| 203 | JUST ONE CHEEK. NO. THE MOMENT'S GONE. |
| 204 | PUT YOUR HANDS OUT, AND I'LL BACK UP INTO THEM. |
| 205 | THAT'S ROMANTIC. |
| 206 | Rachel: COME ON. TOUCH IT. Ross: NO. |
| 207 | COME ON, SQUEEZE IT. NO. |
| 208 | RUB IT? NO. |
| 209 | COME ON, WOULD YOU JUST GRAB MY ASS?! |
| 210 | WOW, LOOK AT THAT. |
| 211 | THE CAR IS ON FIRE |
| 212 | YET SOMEHOW, ITS EXPENSIVE PAINT JOB |
| 213 | IS PROTECTED BY THE MIRACLE WAX. |
| 214 | YOU KNOW? |
| 215 | YOU GOT A CHEETO ON YOUR FACE, MAN. |
| 216 | ( sniffs ) |
| 217 | THANKS. |
| 218 | HEY. Both: HEY. |
| 219 | WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? AREN'T YOU SUPPOSED TO BE OUT WITH RACHEL? |
| 220 | THAT WAS 14 HOURS AGO. |
| 221 | SO HOW'D IT GO? |
| 222 | OH... LISTEN, HAVE YOU EVER BEEN |
| 223 | YOU KNOW, FOOLING AROUND WITH A GIRL |
| 224 | AND, UH... |
| 225 | SHE STARTED LAUGHING? |
| 226 | YEAH, |
| 227 | BUT, UH, IT WAS 1982 |
| 228 | AND MY "FLOCK OF SEA GULLS" HAIRCUT WAS TICKLING HER CHIN. |
| 229 | SHE LAUGHED AT YOU? |
| 230 | YEAH. I DON'T KNOW. I'VE BEEN WANTING THIS |
| 231 | SINCE, LIKE, NINTH GRADE TYPING |
| 232 | AND I JUST WANT IT TO BE PERFECT |
| 233 | AND... RIGHT AND... |
| 234 | WHY ISN'T THAT LASER BEAM CUTTING THROUGH THE PAINT? |
| 235 | IT'S THE MIRACLE WAX. |
| 236 | IT CERTAINLY IS A MIRACLE. |
| 237 | HI, YOU GUYS. Both: HEY. |
| 238 | HEY. HI. |
| 239 | LISTEN, I WAS, UM, THINKING ABOUT-- |
| 240 | CAN YOU GUYS SPEAK UP? |
| 241 | IT'S HARDER FOR US TO HEAR YOU WHEN YOU LOWER YOUR VOICE. |
| 242 | OKAY, LISTEN, I'M SORRY ABOUT LAST NIGHT |
| 243 | AND I REALLY WANT TO MAKE IT UP TO YOU. |
| 244 | NO. YOU... YOU KNOW, |
| 245 | THERE'S NO NEED TO MAKE IT... HOW? |
| 246 | WELL, I WAS THINKING MAYBE A, UM... |
| 247 | ( clearing throat ) ...A ROMANTIC DINNER |
| 248 | WITH, UM, CANDLES AND WINE |
| 249 | AND THEN, UM, MAYBE GOING BACK TO MY PLACE |
| 250 | FOR, UM... |
| 251 | DESSERT. |
| 252 | HMM. THAT SOUNDS... I DON'T KNOW... PERFECT. |
| 253 | ( banging ) |
| 254 | WHAT'S THIS? |
| 255 | CAN YOU GET US A COUPLE OF BEERS? |
| 256 | I'M GOING TO LOOK INTO YOUR EYES NOW. |
| 257 | REALLY? |
| 258 | YEAH. THAT'S MY JOB. |
| 259 | OH, RIGHT. |
| 260 | ALL RIGHT. LOOK UP. |
| 261 | LOOK DOWN. |
| 262 | NOW OPEN YOUR EYES, AND LOOK DOWN. |
| 263 | THAT'S RIGHT. |
| 264 | LOOK INTO THE LIGHT. |
| 265 | NOW LOOK AT ME. |
| 266 | OKAY. |
| 267 | YOUR EYES LOOK GOOD. |
| 268 | THOSE ARE GOOD EYES. |
| 269 | GOOD. THEY FEEL GOOD. |
| 270 | IN MY HEAD. |
| 271 | SO... |
| 272 | IT'S GREAT TO SEE YOU. |
| 273 | YOU TOO. |
| 274 | YOU TOO. |
| 275 | OKAY. UM... |
| 276 | GOOD-BYE. |
| 277 | DROPS. WHAT? |
| 278 | DROPS. HERE. THEY'RE FREE. |
| 279 | THANKS. |
| 280 | SO, I GUESS I'D BETTER BE GOING. |
| 281 | OH, OKAY. YEAH. I'LL SEE YOU LATER. |
| 282 | OH, THANKS AGAIN. |
| 283 | OH, UH... |
| 284 | ALL RIGHT, WE HAVE GOT TO GET YOU LAZY BOYS OUT OF THESE CHAIRS. |
| 285 | Both: HEY, WHOA, HEY, WHOA. |
| 286 | ( groans ) |
| 287 | YOU KNOW, YOU SHOULD GO OUTSIDE |
| 288 | AND BE WITH THE THREE-DIMENSIONAL PEOPLE. |
| 289 | NO. |
| 290 | INSIDE GOOD. |
| 291 | OUTSIDE BAD. |
| 292 | YOU GUYS ARE SO PATHETIC. |
| 293 | ( rock music ) OH! OH, XANADU! |
| 294 | OH! OH! |
| 295 | SHE'S ONE OF US NOW. |
| 296 | HI, YOU GUYS. HEY. |
| 297 | All: HEY. |
| 298 | WELL, WE JUST WANTED TO STOP BY AND, UH, SAY GOOD NIGHT. |
| 299 | All: GOOD NIGHT. |
| 300 | LOOK AT THAT. THEY WON'T EVEN TURN THEIR HEADS. |
| 301 | ALL RIGHT, YOU GUYS, I'M TAKING OFF MY SHIRT. |
| 302 | NAH, SHE'S LYING. |
| 303 | STOP SENDING FOOD TO OUR APARTMENT. |
| 304 | WHY ARE YOU ALL DRESSED UP? |
| 305 | YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO HAS A DATE TONIGHT. |
| 306 | WHAT? YOU HAVE A DATE? WHO WITH? |
| 307 | NO ONE. COME ON, WHAT'S HIS NAME? |
| 308 | NOTHING. |
| 309 | COME ON, TELL ME. |
| 310 | ALL RIGHT, BUT I'M VERY EXCITED ABOUT THIS, OKAY? |
| 311 | SO YOU GOT TO PROMISE YOU WON'T GET |
| 312 | ALL BIG-BROTHERY AND JUDGMENTAL. |
| 313 | I PROMISE. WHAT? |
| 314 | IT'S RICHARD BURKE. |
| 315 | WHO'S RICHARD BURKE? |
| 316 | DOC..? DR. BURKE? |
| 317 | YOU HAVE A DATE WITH DR. BURKE? |
| 318 | WHY? WHY? WHY... SHOULD THAT BOTHER ME? |
| 319 | I-I LOVE THAT MAN. |
| 320 | HE'S LIKE A... A BROTHER TO DAD. |
| 321 | FOR YOUR INFORMATION, HE HAPPENS TO BE ONE OF THE BRIGHTEST |
| 322 | MOST SOPHISTICATED, SEXIEST MEN I'VE EVER BEEN WITH. |
| 323 | DR. BURKE IS SEXY? |
| 324 | OH, GOD. ABSOLUTELY. |
| 325 | ( pager beeping ) |
| 326 | DAMN. |
| 327 | IT'S THE MUSEUM AGAIN. CAN I..? OH. |
| 328 | YOU KNOW, DR. BURKE KISSED ME ONCE. |
| 329 | WHEN? |
| 330 | WHEN I WAS SEVEN, |
| 331 | I CRASHED MY BIKE IN FRONT OF HIS HOUSE |
| 332 | AND TO STOP ME FROM CRYING, HE KISSED ME |
| 333 | RIGHT HERE. |
| 334 | OH, YOU ARE SO LUCKY. |
| 335 | I KNOW. |
| 336 | WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. AUSTRALOPITHECUS ISN'T |
| 337 | SUPPOSED TO BE IN THAT DISPLAY. |
| 338 | NO. NO. |
| 339 | NO. NO. HOMO HABILIS WAS ERECT. |
| 340 | AUSTRALOPITHECUS WAS NEVER FULL ERECT. |
| 341 | WELL, MAYBE HE WAS NERVOUS. |
| 342 | LOOK. I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS. LOOK... |
| 343 | HOMO HABILIS HASN'T EVEN LEARNED HOW TO USE TOOLS YET |
| 344 | AND THEY'VE GOT HIM HERE WITH CLAY POTS? |
| 345 | WHY DON'T THEY JUST GIVE HIM A MICROWAVE? |
| 346 | I'M SORRY THIS IS TAKING SO LONG. |
| 347 | IT'S LONGER THAN I EXPECTED. WE WILL HAVE DINNER, OKAY? |
| 348 | IT'S OKAY. IT'S FINE. |
| 349 | CARL? |
| 350 | ( groans ) |
| 351 | OH, WOW. |
| 352 | IS THAT MICHELLE? YEP. |
| 353 | I'VE NOT SEEN HER SINCE HIGH SCHOOL GRADUATION. |
| 354 | OH, MY GOD, THAT NIGHT SHE GOT SO DRUN... |
| 355 | ...MOTIONAL. |
| 356 | YOU KNOW, SHE'S HAVING ANOTHER BABY. |
| 357 | I THOUGHT SHE JUST HAD ONE. |
| 358 | NO, NO. HENRY'S ALMOST TWO. |
| 359 | HE'S TALKING AND EVERYTHING. |
| 360 | HERE. |
| 361 | AW... |
| 362 | YOU KNOW, THE OTHER DAY HE TOLD ME HE LIKED ME BETTER |
| 363 | THAN HIS OTHER GRANDPA. |
| 364 | NOW, IN ALL FAIRNESS HIS OTHER GRANDPA'S A DRUNK, |
| 365 | BUT STILL... |
| 366 | OH. YOU'RE A GRANDPA? |
| 367 | YEAH. |
| 368 | ARE WE NUTS HERE? |
| 369 | I DON'T KNOW. |
| 370 | MAYBE. |
| 371 | I MEAN, I'M DATING A MAN |
| 372 | WHOSE POOL I ONCE PEED IN. |
| 373 | I DIDN'T NEED TO KNOW THAT. |
| 374 | I GUESS 21 YEARS IS A LOT. |
| 375 | I MEAN, HELL, I'M A... |
| 376 | WHOLE PERSON WHO CAN DRINK OLDER THAN YOU. |
| 377 | YEAH. |
| 378 | SO... |
| 379 | SO MAYBE WE SHOULD JUST... |
| 380 | YEAH. |
| 381 | YEAH, MAYBE. |
| 382 | WOW. |
| 383 | THIS REALLY SUCKS. |
| 384 | YEAH. IT SURE DOES. |
| 385 | WELL, WE DON'T REALLY HAVE TO DECIDE ANYTHING RIGHT NOW, DO WE? |
| 386 | NO. NO, THERE'S RUSH OR ANYTHING. |
| 387 | ( knocking ) Man: PIZZA DELIVERY! |
| 388 | OOH, I'M GOING TO KILL THOSE GUYS. |
| 389 | RACH? OH! |
| 390 | I'M DONE. |
| 391 | YEAH, WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 392 | SO IS SORRENTINO'S. |
| 393 | OKAY. I'M SORRY. LET'S... |
| 394 | WHY DON'T WE FIND SOMEPLACE ELSE? |
| 395 | NO, YOU KNOW WHAT? IT'S LATE. EVERYTHING'S GOING TO BE CLOSED. |
| 396 | WHY DON'T WE DO IT ANOTHER NIGHT? |
| 397 | NO. NO, WE WON'T. |
| 398 | WE WON'T? |
| 399 | COME ON. |
| 400 | OKAY, THAT'S DEAD, RIGHT? |
| 401 | WHAT IS THIS? WHAT ARE WE DOING? |
| 402 | SHH. DO YOU WANT CRAN-APPLE OR CRAN-GRAPE? |
| 403 | GRAPE. |
| 404 | ( humming ) |
| 405 | OKAY, NOW... SIT. |
| 406 | OKAY. |
| 407 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 408 | Man ( loudly ): Billions of years ago, the earth was born... |
| 409 | SORRY. |
| 410 | OKAY. |
| 411 | UH... SO, WHAT ARE WE LOOKING AT? |
| 412 | WELL, YOU SEE THAT..? |
| 413 | THAT LITTLE CLUSTER OF STARS NEXT TO THE BIG ONE? |
| 414 | THAT IS URSA MAJOR. |
| 415 | REALLY? |
| 416 | NO IDEA. COULD BE, COULD BE. |
| 417 | LISTEN, I'M SORRY I HAD TO WORK TONIGHT. |
| 418 | OH, THAT'S OKAY. |
| 419 | YOU WERE WORTH THE WAIT. |
| 420 | AND I DON'T JUST MEAN TONIGHT. |
| 421 | OOH... |
| 422 | YOU'RE NOT LAUGHING. |
| 423 | THIS TIME IT'S NOT SO FUNNY. |
| 424 | ( groaning ) |
| 425 | OKAY, LOOSEN THE KNOT. |
| 426 | LOOSEN THE KNOT. |
| 427 | ( gasps ) |
| 428 | OH, GOD! |
| 429 | OH... |
| 430 | HONEY? |
| 431 | OH, THAT'S OKAY. |
| 432 | WHAT? |
| 433 | OH, NO. YOU JUST ROLLED OVER THE JUICE BOX. |
| 434 | OH, THANK GOD. |
| 435 | UH.... |
| 436 | HI. |
| 437 | HEY, YOU. |
| 438 | I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M WAKING UP NEXT TO YOU. |
| 439 | I KNOW, IT IS PRETTY UNBELIEVABLE... |
| 440 | Rachel: WHAT? |
| 441 | WE'RE NOT ALONE. |
| 442 | ( laughing ) |
| 443 | ( laughing ) |
| 444 | ( laughing ) |
| 445 | Yeah. |
| 446 | ( laughing ) |
| 447 | ( alarm blaring ) |
| 448 | IS THAT THE FIRE ALARM? |
| 449 | YEAH. |
| 450 | OH, IT'S NOT WARM YET. WE STILL HAVE TIME. |
| 451 | COOL. |
| 452 | Yeah, yeah. Cool. |
| 453 | |
| 1 | THIS IS WEIRD. |
| 2 | YOU EVER REALIZE |
| 3 | CAP'N CRUNCH'S EYEBROWS ARE ON HIS HAT? |
| 4 | THAT'S WHAT'S WEIRD? |
| 5 | JOEY, THE MAN'S BEEN CAPTAIN OF A CEREAL |
| 6 | FOR THE LAST 40 YEARS. |
| 7 | BAH! LAH! |
| 8 | WHAT? |
| 9 | THE SPOON. |
| 10 | YOU LICKED AND YOU PUT. |
| 11 | YOU LICKED AND YOU PUT. |
| 12 | YEAH? SO? |
| 13 | DON'T YOU SEE HOW GROSS THAT IS? |
| 14 | THAT'S LIKE YOU'RE USING MY TOOTHBRUSH. |
| 15 | YOU USED MY TOOTHBRUSH? |
| 16 | WELL, THAT WAS ONLY 'CAUSE I USED THE RED ONE |
| 17 | TO UNCLOG THE DRAIN. |
| 18 | MINE IS THE RED ONE. |
| 19 | OH, GOD. |
| 20 | CAN OPEN. |
| 21 | WORMS EVERYWHERE. |
| 22 | WHY CAN'T WE USE THE SAME TOOTHBRUSH |
| 23 | BUT WE CAN USE THE SAME SOAP? |
| 24 | BECAUSE SOAP IS SOAP. |
| 25 | IT'S SELF-CLEANING. |
| 26 | WELL, NEXT TIME YOU TAKE A SHOWER |
| 27 | THINK ABOUT THE LAST THING I WASHED |
| 28 | AND THE FIRST THING YOU WASH. |
| 29 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 30 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 31 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 32 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 33 | ♪ WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY ♪ |
| 34 | ♪ YOUR WEEK, YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 35 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 36 | ♪ WHEN THE RAIN STARTS TO POUR ♪ |
| 37 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 38 | ♪ LIKE I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE ♪ |
| 39 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 40 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME TOO. ♪ |
| 41 | HEY. |
| 42 | HEY. HEY. |
| 43 | OOH, LOOK AT YOU FANCY LADS. |
| 44 | WHAT'S THE OCCASION? |
| 45 | YOU KNOW THE GUY ON MY SHOW THAT'S IN A COMA? |
| 46 | HE'S HAVING A BRUNCH. |
| 47 | HEY. READY WHEN YOU ARE? |
| 48 | OKEY-DOKE. |
| 49 | I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU GUYS ARE GETTING TATTOOS. |
| 50 | YOU GUYS ARE GETTING TATTOOS? |
| 51 | YES, BUT YOU CANNOT TELL ROSS |
| 52 | 'CAUSE I WANT TO SURPRISE HIM. |
| 53 | WOW. THIS IS WILD. |
| 54 | WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO GET? |
| 55 | UM, I'M GETTING A LILY. |
| 56 | FOR MY MOM, 'CAUSE HER NAME'S LILY. |
| 57 | WOW. THAT'S LUCKY. |
| 58 | WHAT IF HER NAME WAS "BIG UGLY SPLOTCH"? |
| 59 | SO WHERE YOU GETTING IT? |
| 60 | I THINK ON MY SHOULDER. |
| 61 | WHAT? |
| 62 | WHAT'S ON YOUR SHOULDER? |
| 63 | UM, A CHIP. |
| 64 | A TATTOO. I'M GETTING A TATTOO. |
| 65 | A TATTOO? |
| 66 | WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO DO THAT? |
| 67 | HI. |
| 68 | HI. |
| 69 | YOU DON'T THINK THEY'RE KIND OF COOL? |
| 70 | NO. SORRY. I DON'T. |
| 71 | WHY WOULD ANYONE PAY SOMEONE TO SCAR THEIR BODY FOR LIFE? |
| 72 | WHAT IF IT DOESN'T COME OUT RIGHT, PHEEBS? |
| 73 | IT'S LIKE HAVING A BAD HAIRCUT ALL THE TIME. |
| 74 | WHY IS EVERYONE STARING AT ME? |
| 75 | ROSS, COME SIGN THIS BIRTHDAY CARD FOR DAD. |
| 76 | RICHARD'S GOING TO BE HERE ANY MINUTE. |
| 77 | RICHARD'S GOING TO THE PARTY TOO? |
| 78 | HE'S MY PARENTS' BEST FRIEND. HE HAS TO BE THERE. |
| 79 | IS TODAY THE DAY |
| 80 | YOU'RE GOING TO TELL THEM ABOUT YOU TWO? |
| 81 | YEAH, FOR MY DAD'S BIRTHDAY, I DECIDED TO GIVE HIM A STROKE. |
| 82 | I THINK YOU SHOULD TELL THEM. |
| 83 | NO. I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW SERIOUS HE IS ABOUT ME. |
| 84 | I DON'T THINK MOM AND DAD WOULD MIND. |
| 85 | REMEMBER WHEN YOU WERE NINE AND RICHARD WAS 30 |
| 86 | HOW DAD USED TO SAY, "GOD, I HOPE THEY GET TOGETHER"? |
| 87 | Ross: SHALL WE? |
| 88 | OKAY, WAIT, WAIT. |
| 89 | YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 90 | ROSS, LET'S SWITCH PLACES. |
| 91 | GET IN THE MIDDLE. |
| 92 | UNLESS THIS LOOKS LIKE WE'RE TRYING TO COVER SOMETHING UP. |
| 93 | MONICA, YOU COULD COME IN STRADDLING HIM |
| 94 | THEY STILL WOULDN'T BELIEVE IT. |
| 95 | WE'RE HERE. |
| 96 | OH, HI, KIDS. |
| 97 | HI, DARLING. |
| 98 | HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DAD. |
| 99 | OH, THANK YOU. |
| 100 | HAPPY BIRTHDAY. |
| 101 | SO, YOU KIDS THANK DR. BURKE FOR THE RIDE? |
| 102 | ACTUALLY, MOM |
| 103 | I THINK MONICA THANKED HIM FOR THE BOTH OF US. |
| 104 | SO, YOU KIDS TAKE THE TRAIN IN? |
| 105 | NO, RICHARD BURKE GAVE THEM A RIDE. |
| 106 | SPEAKING OF WHOM... |
| 107 | I HEAR HE'S GOT SOME 20-YEAR-OLD TWINKIE |
| 108 | IN THE CITY. |
| 109 | FINGER CRAMP. |
| 110 | OH, GOD. |
| 111 | SORRY. |
| 112 | LET ME GET THAT, MOM. |
| 113 | SO, RICHARD'S SHOPPING IN THE JUNIOR SECTION. |
| 114 | MM-HMM. |
| 115 | ARE WE STILL ON THAT? |
| 116 | AND YOU JUST KNOW SHE'S GOT THE I.Q. OF A NAPKIN. |
| 117 | AND SHE'S PROBABLY NOT |
| 118 | EVEN VERY PRETTY-- |
| 119 | JUST YOUNG ENOUGH SO THAT EVERYTHING IS STILL POINTING UP. |
| 120 | Joey: CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS PLACE? |
| 121 | THIS IS A GREAT APARTMENT. |
| 122 | I WAS IN THE BATHROOM. |
| 123 | THERE'S MIRRORS ON BOTH SIDES OF YOU. |
| 124 | WHEN YOU'RE IN THERE |
| 125 | IT'S LIKE YOU'RE PEEING WITH THE ROCKETTES. |
| 126 | WELL, THERE'S MY FANTASY COME TRUE. |
| 127 | NO, SERIOUSLY. |
| 128 | HEY. |
| 129 | WE WERE JUST SAYING GREAT APARTMENT, MAN. |
| 130 | THANKS. YOU WANT IT? |
| 131 | I'M MOVING TO A BIGGER PLACE. |
| 132 | YOU SHOULD TAKE THIS ONE. |
| 133 | YEAH. CAN YOU SEE ME IN A PLACE LIKE THIS? |
| 134 | WHY NOT? YOU HATE PARK VIEWS AND HIGH CEILINGS? |
| 135 | I'LL SHOW YOU THE KITCHEN. |
| 136 | THAT'S ALL RIGHT, FELLAS. |
| 137 | I SAW A KITCHEN THIS MORNING ON TV. |
| 138 | STOP TALKING. OKAY. |
| 139 | COME ON, TELL US. |
| 140 | IS SHE REALLY 2O? |
| 141 | I AM NOT TELLING YOU GUYS ANYTHING. |
| 142 | RICH, IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. |
| 143 | LET ME LIVE VICARIOUSLY. |
| 144 | DAD, YOU DON'T WANT TO DO THAT. |
| 145 | WHAT'S A LITTLE MID-LIFE CRISIS BETWEEN FRIENDS? |
| 146 | JACK, WOULD YOU LET IT GO? |
| 147 | I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE GOING THROUGH. |
| 148 | WHEN I TURNED 50, I GOT THE PORSCHE. |
| 149 | YOU, YOU GOT YOUR OWN LITTLE SPEEDSTER. |
| 150 | GUYS, SERIOUSLY, IT IS NOT LIKE THAT. |
| 151 | TELL YOU WHAT. |
| 152 | MAYBE ONE OF THESE WEEKENDS |
| 153 | YOU CAN BORROW THE CAR, AND I COULD... |
| 154 | DAD, I BEG YOU NOT TO FINISH THAT SENTENCE. |
| 155 | WHAT? I'M KIDDING. |
| 156 | YOU KNOW I'D NEVER LET HIM TOUCH THE PORSCHE. |
| 157 | OKAY, RACH |
| 158 | WHICH... WHICH LILY? |
| 159 | THIS LILY OR THAT LILY? |
| 160 | I LIKE THIS LILY. |
| 161 | IT'S MORE OPEN. |
| 162 | AND THAT'S LIKE MY MOM-- |
| 163 | SHE HAD A MORE OPEN, GIVING SPIRIT. |
| 164 | OOH, FOGHORN LEGHORN! OH... |
| 165 | HI. |
| 166 | BLOND GIRL, YOU'RE IN ROOM TWO. |
| 167 | NOT-SO-BLOND GIRL, YOU'RE WITH ME. |
| 168 | HERE WE GO. |
| 169 | UH-HUH. |
| 170 | YOU'RE NOT GOING? |
| 171 | UH-HUH. |
| 172 | IS THIS 'CAUSE OF WHAT ROSS SAID? |
| 173 | NO. |
| 174 | WELL, YEAH, MAYBE. |
| 175 | I DON'T BELIEVE THIS. |
| 176 | IS THIS HOW THIS RELATIONSHIP'S GOING TO WORK? |
| 177 | ROSS EQUALS BOSS? |
| 178 | COME ON, WHAT IS THIS-- 1922? |
| 179 | WHAT'S 1922? |
| 180 | JUST, YOU KNOW, A LONG TIME AGO. |
| 181 | WHEN MEN TOLD WOMEN WHAT TO DO A LOT. |
| 182 | THEN THERE WAS SUFFRAGE |
| 183 | WHICH WAS A GOOD THING, BUT IT SOUNDS HORRIBLE. |
| 184 | DO YOU WANT TO GET THIS TATTOO? |
| 185 | YES. IT'S JUST THAT ROSS... |
| 186 | HEY, HEY! IS YOUR BOYFRIEND THE BOSS OF YOU? |
| 187 | NO. |
| 188 | WHO IS THE BOSS OF YOU? |
| 189 | YOU? |
| 190 | NO. YOU ARE THE BOSS OF YOU. |
| 191 | MARCH YOUR HINEY IN THERE |
| 192 | AND GET THAT HEART TATTOOED ON YOUR HIP. |
| 193 | GO! |
| 194 | HOW YOU DOING? |
| 195 | I'M A TWINKIE. |
| 196 | REALLY? I'M A HERO. |
| 197 | OH... |
| 198 | THIS IS SO HARD. |
| 199 | YEAH, I KNOW. |
| 200 | I HATE IT TOO. |
| 201 | LOOK, MAYBE WE SHOULD JUST TELL THEM. |
| 202 | MAYBE WE SHOULD JUST TELL YOUR PARENTS FIRST. |
| 203 | MY PARENTS ARE DEAD. |
| 204 | GOD, YOU ARE SO LUCKY. |
| 205 | NO, NO. |
| 206 | WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. |
| 207 | I KNOW. I KNOW. |
| 208 | JUST HANG IN THERE, OKAY? |
| 209 | OKAY, I'LL GO OUT FIRST, ALL RIGHT? |
| 210 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 211 | JUDY. GOING TO THE BATHROOM! |
| 212 | GOOD FOR YOU! |
| 213 | THANK YOU, RICHARD. |
| 214 | I APPRECIATE THE SUPPORT. |
| 215 | HONEY, HAVE YOU SEEN |
| 216 | MY HARMON KILLEBREW BAT? |
| 217 | BOB DOESN'T BELIEVE I HAVE ONE. |
| 218 | I HAVE NO IDEA. |
| 219 | DID YOU KNOW RICHARD HAS A TWINKIE IN THE CITY? |
| 220 | HE'S LIKE A NEW MAN. |
| 221 | IT'S LIKE A SCENE FROM COCOON. |
| 222 | I JUST NEVER WOULD HAVE PICTURED RICHARD WITH A BIMBO. |
| 223 | HE TOLD JOHNNY SHAPIRO THAT SHE'S QUITE A GIRL. |
| 224 | HE TOLD JOHNNY HE THINKS HE'S FALLING IN LOVE WITH HER. |
| 225 | I TELL YOU, I'VE NEVER SEEN HIM THIS HAPPY. |
| 226 | SO, JACK, YOU EVER THINK |
| 227 | ABOUT TRADING ME IN FOR A YOUNGER MODEL? |
| 228 | OF COURSE NOT. |
| 229 | WITH YOU, IT'S LIKE I'VE GOT TWO 25-YEAR-OLDS. |
| 230 | OH, JACK, STOP. |
| 231 | COME ON. |
| 232 | IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. |
| 233 | CAN WE DROP THIS? |
| 234 | I AM NOT INTERESTED IN THE GUY'S APARTMENT. |
| 235 | OH, PLEASE. |
| 236 | I SAW THE WAY YOU WERE CHECKING OUT HIS MOLDINGS. |
| 237 | YOU WANT IT. |
| 238 | WHY WOULD I WANT ANOTHER APARTMENT? |
| 239 | I'VE ALREADY GOT AN APARTMENT THAT I LOVE. |
| 240 | IT WOULDN'T KILL YOU TO SAY IT |
| 241 | ONCE IN A WHILE. |
| 242 | ALL RIGHT, YOU WANT THE TRUTH? |
| 243 | I'M THINKING ABOUT IT. |
| 244 | WHAT? |
| 245 | I'M SORRY. I'M 28 YEARS OLD. |
| 246 | I'VE NEVER LIVED ALONE |
| 247 | AND I'M FINALLY AT A PLACE WHERE I'VE GOT ENOUGH MONEY |
| 248 | THAT I DON'T NEED A ROOMMATE ANYMORE. |
| 249 | WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. |
| 250 | I DON'T NEED A ROOMMATE EITHER. |
| 251 | I CAN AFFORD TO LIVE HERE BY MYSELF. |
| 252 | NOW, I MAY HAVE TO BRING IN SOMEBODY ONCE A WEEK |
| 253 | TO LICK THE SILVERWARE. |
| 254 | WHAT ARE YOU GETTING SO BENT OUT OF SHAPE FOR? |
| 255 | IT'S NOT LIKE WE AGREED TO LIVE TOGETHER FOREVER. |
| 256 | WE'RE NOT BERT AND ERNIE. |
| 257 | LOOK, YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 258 | IF THIS IS THE WAY YOU FEEL |
| 259 | THEN MAYBE YOU SHOULD TAKE IT. |
| 260 | WELL, THAT'S HOW I FEEL. |
| 261 | THEN MAYBE YOU SHOULD TAKE IT. |
| 262 | MAYBE I WILL. |
| 263 | FINE WITH ME. |
| 264 | GREAT. |
| 265 | THEN YOU'LL BE ABLE |
| 266 | TO SPEND MORE QUALITY TIME |
| 267 | WITH YOUR REAL FRIENDS-- THE SPOONS. |
| 268 | WHO'S DRINK CAN I FRESHEN? |
| 269 | ALMOST TIME FOR CAKE. |
| 270 | MON. |
| 271 | MON, ARE YOU OKAY? |
| 272 | YOU REMEMBER THAT VIDEO I FOUND OF MOM AND DAD? |
| 273 | YEAH? |
| 274 | WELL, I JUST CAUGHT THE LIVE SHOW. |
| 275 | EWW. |
| 276 | HEY, THERE. |
| 277 | WHAT? |
| 278 | NOTHING. |
| 279 | I JUST... |
| 280 | HEARD SOMETHING NICE ABOUT YOU. |
| 281 | OH, REALLY? |
| 282 | MM-HMM. |
| 283 | Judy: RICHARD? |
| 284 | RICHARD... |
| 285 | YOUR SON ISN'T SEEING ANYONE, IS HE? |
| 286 | UH, NOT THAT I KNOW OF. |
| 287 | WELL, I WAS THINKING |
| 288 | WHY DOESN'T HE GIVE MONICA A CALL? |
| 289 | THAT... |
| 290 | THAT'S AN IDEA. |
| 291 | WELL, ACTUALLY, I'M ALREADY SEEING SOMEONE. |
| 292 | OH? |
| 293 | OH? |
| 294 | OH... |
| 295 | ( gasps ) |
| 296 | SHE NEVER TELLS US ANYTHING. |
| 297 | ROSS? |
| 298 | MOM, THERE ARE SO MANY PEOPLE IN MY LIFE. |
| 299 | SOME OF THEM ARE SEEING PEOPLE |
| 300 | AND SOME OF THEM AREN'T. |
| 301 | IS THAT CRYSTAL? |
| 302 | SO, WHO'S THE MYSTERY MAN? |
| 303 | WELL, HE'S A DOCTOR. |
| 304 | A REAL DOCTOR? |
| 305 | NO, A DOCTOR OF MEAT. |
| 306 | OF COURSE HE'S A REAL DOCTOR. |
| 307 | AND HE'S HANDSOME... |
| 308 | AND HE'S SWEET, AND I KNOW YOU'D LIKE HIM. |
| 309 | WELL, THAT'S WONDERFUL. I... |
| 310 | OY. |
| 311 | MOM, IT'S OKAY. |
| 312 | IT IS, JUDY. |
| 313 | JACK... |
| 314 | COULD YOU COME IN HERE FOR A MOMENT? |
| 315 | NOW! |
| 316 | FOUND IT. |
| 317 | I'LL TAKE THAT, DAD. |
| 318 | IT SEEMS YOUR DAUGHTER AND RICHARD ARE SOMETHING OF AN ITEM. |
| 319 | THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE. |
| 320 | HE'S GOT A TWINKIE IN THE CITY. |
| 321 | DAD, I'M THE TWINKIE. |
| 322 | YOU'RE THE TWINKIE? |
| 323 | SHE'S NOT A TWINKIE. |
| 324 | ALL RIGHT, LOOK, YOU GUYS |
| 325 | THIS IS THE BEST RELATIONSHIP I'VE BEEN IN... |
| 326 | OH, PLEASE! A RELATIONSHIP? |
| 327 | YES, A RELATIONSHIP. |
| 328 | FOR YOUR INFORMATION, I AM CRAZY ABOUT THIS MAN. |
| 329 | REALLY? |
| 330 | YES. |
| 331 | WOW. |
| 332 | AM I SUPPOSED TO STAND HERE |
| 333 | AND LISTEN TO THIS ON MY BIRTHDAY? |
| 334 | DAD, THIS IS A GOOD THING FOR ME. |
| 335 | AND YOU EVEN SAID YOURSELF |
| 336 | YOU'D NEVER SEEN RICHARD HAPPIER. |
| 337 | WHEN DID I SAY THAT? |
| 338 | UPSTAIRS IN THE BATHROOM |
| 339 | RIGHT BEFORE YOU FELT UP MOM. |
| 340 | ♪ HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU ♪ |
| 341 | ♪ HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU ♪ |
| 342 | ♪ HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DEAR JACK ♪ |
| 343 | ♪ HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU. ♪ |
| 344 | ( Phoebe gasps ) |
| 345 | OH, IT LOOKS SO GOOD. |
| 346 | OH, I LOVE IT. |
| 347 | I KNOW. SO DO I. |
| 348 | I'M SO GLAD YOU MADE ME DO THIS. |
| 349 | OKAY, LET ME SEE YOURS. |
| 350 | UH... |
| 351 | OKAY, LET'S SEE YOURS AGAIN. |
| 352 | WE JUST SAW MINE. LET ME SEE YOURS. |
| 353 | OH, OKAY. |
| 354 | OH, NO! |
| 355 | OH, IT'S GONE. |
| 356 | THAT'S SO WEIRD. |
| 357 | I DON'T KNOW HOW... WHERE IT WENT. |
| 358 | YOU DIDN'T GET IT? |
| 359 | NO. |
| 360 | WHY DIDN'T YOU GET IT? |
| 361 | I'M SORRY, I'M SORRY. |
| 362 | PHOEBE, HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?! |
| 363 | THIS WAS ALL YOUR IDEA. |
| 364 | I KNOW, I KNOW. I WAS GOING TO GET IT |
| 365 | BUT THEN HE CAME IN WITH THIS NEEDLE. |
| 366 | DID YOU KNOW THEY DO THIS WITH NEEDLES? |
| 367 | REALLY? YOU DON'T SAY? |
| 368 | BECAUSE MINE WAS LICKED ON BY KITTENS! |
| 369 | HEY. |
| 370 | HEY. |
| 371 | HEY, LISTEN, I'M SORRY ABOUT WHAT... |
| 372 | YEAH, ME TOO. |
| 373 | I KNOW. |
| 374 | YEAH. |
| 375 | YEAH. |
| 376 | SAY, DO WE NEED TO HUG HERE? |
| 377 | NO. WE'RE ALL RIGHT. |
| 378 | YEAH. YEAH. |
| 379 | SO I GOT YOU SOMETHING. |
| 380 | PLASTIC SPOONS. |
| 381 | GREAT. |
| 382 | LICK AWAY, MY MAN. |
| 383 | THESE WILL GO GREAT IN MY NEW PLACE. |
| 384 | YOU KNOW, TILL I GET REAL ONES. |
| 385 | WHAT? |
| 386 | WELL, I CAN'T USE THESE FOREVER. |
| 387 | LET'S FACE IT-- THEY'RE NO FRIEND OF THE ENVIRONMENT. |
| 388 | NO, NO, I MEAN WHAT... |
| 389 | WHAT'S THIS ABOUT YOUR NEW PLACE? |
| 390 | I'M MOVING OUT LIKE WE TALKED ABOUT. |
| 391 | WELL, I DIDN'T THINK THAT WAS SERIOUS. |
| 392 | YOU KNOW, I THOUGHT THAT WAS JUST A FIGHT. |
| 393 | WELL, IT WAS A FIGHT. |
| 394 | BASED ON SERIOUS STUFF, REMEMBER? |
| 395 | ABOUT HOW I NEVER LIVED ALONE? |
| 396 | I THINK IT WOULD BE GOOD FOR ME-- |
| 397 | YOU KNOW, HELP ME TO GROW AND... WHATEVER. |
| 398 | WELL, THERE YOU GO. |
| 399 | HEY, ARE YOU COOL WITH THIS? |
| 400 | I MEAN, I DON'T WANT TO LEAVE YOU HIGH AND DRY. |
| 401 | HEY, NO. I'VE NEVER BEEN LOWER OR WETTER. |
| 402 | I'LL BE FINE. |
| 403 | I'LL JUST TURN YOUR BEDROOM |
| 404 | INTO A GAME ROOM OR SOMETHING. |
| 405 | PUT THE FOOSBALL TABLE IN THERE. |
| 406 | WHOA. WHY DO YOU GET TO KEEP THE TABLE? |
| 407 | I DID PAY FOR HALF OF IT. |
| 408 | YEAH, AND, UH... I PAID FOR THE OTHER HALF. |
| 409 | ALL RIGHT, I'LL TELL YOU WHAT. |
| 410 | I'LL PLAY YOU FOR IT. |
| 411 | ALL RIGHT, YOU'RE ON. |
| 412 | I COULD TAKE TWO MINUTES OUT OF MY DAY TO KICK YOUR ASS. |
| 413 | YOUR LITTLE MEN ARE GOING TO GET SCORED ON MORE TIMES |
| 414 | THAN YOUR SISTER. |
| 415 | WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. |
| 416 | WHICH SISTER? |
| 417 | SO ARE YOU SORRY THAT I TOLD THEM? |
| 418 | NO. IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME |
| 419 | SINCE YOUR DAD AND I WENT RUNNING. |
| 420 | OH. |
| 421 | OH. DID YOU GET IT? LET ME SEE? |
| 422 | IS ROSS HERE? |
| 423 | NO. HE WENT OUT TO GET PIZZA. |
| 424 | OKAY, REALLY QUICK, OKAY? |
| 425 | OH... |
| 426 | THAT'S GREAT. |
| 427 | VERY TASTEFUL. |
| 428 | WANT TO SEE MINE? |
| 429 | YES! |
| 430 | WHAT? YOU DIDN'T GET ONE. |
| 431 | OKAY, WELL, THEN WHAT IS THIS? |
| 432 | WHAT ARE WE LOOKING AT? |
| 433 | THAT BLUE FRECKLE? |
| 434 | OKAY, THAT'S MY TATTOO. |
| 435 | THAT IS NOT A TATTOO. |
| 436 | THAT IS A NOTHING. |
| 437 | I FINALLY GOT HER BACK IN THE CHAIR |
| 438 | HE BARELY TOUCHED HER WITH THE NEEDLE |
| 439 | SHE JUMPED UP SCREAMING |
| 440 | AND THAT WAS IT. |
| 441 | OKAY, HI. |
| 442 | FOR YOUR INFORMATION |
| 443 | THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I WANTED. |
| 444 | THIS IS A TATTOO |
| 445 | OF THE EARTH AS SEEN FROM A GREAT, GREAT DISTANCE. |
| 446 | IT'S THE WAY MY MOTHER SEES ME FROM HEAVEN. |
| 447 | OH... OH... |
| 448 | OH, WHAT A LOAD OF CRAP. |
| 449 | THAT IS A DOT. |
| 450 | YOUR MOTHER IS UP IN HEAVEN GOING |
| 451 | "WHERE THE HELL IS MY LILY, YOU WUSS?!" |
| 452 | OKAY? |
| 453 | PHOEBE, THAT IS NOT A TATTOO. |
| 454 | THIS IS A TATTOO! |
| 455 | YOU GOT A TATTOO? |
| 456 | MAYBE. |
| 457 | BUT JUST A LITTLE ONE. |
| 458 | PHOEBE GOT THE WHOLE WORLD. |
| 459 | WELL, LET ME SEE. |
| 460 | WELL? |
| 461 | WELL, IT'S REALLY... |
| 462 | SEXY. |
| 463 | I WOULDN'T HAVE THOUGHT IT WOULD BE, BUT... |
| 464 | WOW. |
| 465 | REALLY? |
| 466 | YEAH. SO, UH... |
| 467 | IS IT SORE, OR CAN YOU DO STUFF? |
| 468 | I GUESS. |
| 469 | HEY, SAVE US SOME PIZZA. |
| 470 | ( giggling ) |
| 471 | GET IT OUT OF THE CORNER! |
| 472 | CENTER IT. |
| 473 | PASS IT. |
| 474 | PASS IT! |
| 475 | STOP TALKING TO YOUR MEN. |
| 476 | YES! |
| 477 | AND THE TABLE IS MINE. |
| 478 | CONGRATULATIONS. |
| 479 | HEY, YOU'RE STILL GOING TO COME VISIT ME, RIGHT? |
| 480 | OH, YEAH, YOU GOT THE BIG TV. |
| 481 | WE'LL BE OVER THERE ALL THE TIME. |
| 482 | EXCEPT WHEN WE ARE HERE. |
| 483 | I KNOW YOU'RE JUST MOVING UPTOWN |
| 484 | BUT I'M REALLY GOING TO MISS YOU. |
| 485 | HOW CAN YOU NOT BE ACROSS THE HALL ANYMORE? |
| 486 | YEAH. WHO'S GOING TO EAT ALL OUR FOOD |
| 487 | AND TIE UP OUR PHONE LINES, AND... |
| 488 | IS THAT MY BRA? |
| 489 | WHAT THE HELL YOU DOING WITH MY BRA? |
| 490 | OH, NO, IT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK. |
| 491 | WE USED IT TO FLING WATER BALLOONS OFF THE ROOF. |
| 492 | REMEMBER THAT? |
| 493 | THOSE JUNIOR HIGH KIDS |
| 494 | COULDN'T EVEN GET THEIRS ACROSS THE STREET. |
| 495 | YEAH, I REMEMBER. |
| 496 | HEY, LET'S BRING THE REST OF THESE DOWN TO THE TRUCK. |
| 497 | THANKS. |
| 498 | SO, UH... YOU WANT ME TO GIVE YOU |
| 499 | A HAND WITH THE FOOSBALL TABLE? |
| 500 | NAH. |
| 501 | YOU KEEP IT. |
| 502 | YOU NEED THE PRACTICE. |
| 503 | THANKS. |
| 504 | SO... |
| 505 | I GUESS THIS IS IT. |
| 506 | YEAH. RIGHT. YEAH. |
| 507 | I GUESS SO. |
| 508 | LISTEN, UH... |
| 509 | I DON'T KNOW WHEN I'M GOING TO SEE YOU AGAIN. |
| 510 | I'M GUESSING TONIGHT AT THE COFFEE HOUSE. |
| 511 | RIGHT. YEAH. |
| 512 | OKAY. |
| 513 | UH... TAKE CARE. |
| 514 | YEAH. |
| 515 | [Captioned by The Caption Center WGBH Educational Foundation] |
| 516 | |
| 1 | HUH? SO WHAT DO YOU THINK? |
| 2 | CASA DE JOEY. |
| 3 | I DECORATED IT MYSELF. |
| 4 | GET OUT. NO. |
| 5 | WOW, JOEY. |
| 6 | THIS IS, UH... |
| 7 | ART. |
| 8 | ART IT IS. |
| 9 | WOW. CHECK THIS OUT. |
| 10 | IS IT A COFFEE TABLE? |
| 11 | IS IT A PANTHER? |
| 12 | THERE'S NO NEED TO DECIDE. |
| 13 | HEY. |
| 14 | NICE PILLOW. |
| 15 | SO, NOW, TELL ME. |
| 16 | IS THIS GENUINE MUPPET SKIN? |
| 17 | Phoebe: HEY, EXCELLENT |
| 18 | EXCELLENT WATER-TABLE THING. |
| 19 | THANKS. YEAH, I LOVE THIS |
| 20 | BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 21 | IT MAKES ME WANT TO PEE. |
| 22 | YEAH, WELL, ME TOO. |
| 23 | I THINK THAT'S THE CHALLENGE. |
| 24 | HEY, HOW COME, UH... |
| 25 | CHANDLER DIDN'T COME? |
| 26 | WELL, UH, IT'S 'CAUSE HE HAD A THING WITH... |
| 27 | WITH-WITH THE THING. |
| 28 | RIGHT. |
| 29 | I GOT-I GOT IT. |
| 30 | SO WHY DON'T YOU SHOW US THE REST OF YOUR CASA? |
| 31 | Others: YEAH. |
| 32 | OH... OH, THE BEST PART! |
| 33 | COME ON! |
| 34 | EH? |
| 35 | HEY. |
| 36 | NICE TOILET. |
| 37 | NO, NO, NO. BEHIND IT. |
| 38 | OH, YOU HAVE A PHONE IN HERE? |
| 39 | THAT'S RIGHT. |
| 40 | I HAVE A PHONE... IN HERE. |
| 41 | JOEY, PROMISE ME SOMETHING. |
| 42 | YEAH. |
| 43 | NEVER CALL ME FROM THAT PHONE. |
| 44 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 45 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 46 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 47 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 48 | ♪ WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY ♪ |
| 49 | ♪ YOUR WEEK, YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 50 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 51 | ♪ WHEN THE RAIN STARTS TO POUR ♪ |
| 52 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 53 | ♪ LIKE I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE ♪ |
| 54 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 55 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME TOO. ♪ |
| 56 | OH. |
| 57 | OKAY, HERE WE GO. |
| 58 | HONEY, I'M SORRY. |
| 59 | THEY WERE ALL OUT OF APPLE PIE. |
| 60 | SOMEONE JUST GOT THE LAST PIECE. |
| 61 | OH, MY GOD. OH, MY GOD. OH, MY GOD. |
| 62 | YOU ARE NOT GOING TO BELIEVE THIS. |
| 63 | I HAVE JUST BEEN DISCOVERED. |
| 64 | NOW, WAIT A MINUTE. |
| 65 | I CLAIMED YOU IN THE NAME OF FRANCE |
| 66 | FOUR YEARS AGO. |
| 67 | ( strained laughter ) |
| 68 | PROMISE YOU WON'T FREAK OUT |
| 69 | AND SAY HOW GREAT THIS IS UNTIL I'M DONE, OKAY? |
| 70 | All: OKAY. |
| 71 | OKAY. |
| 72 | I JUST MET THIS PRODUCER |
| 73 | OF THIS, LIKE, TEENY RECORD COMPANY |
| 74 | WHO SAID THAT I HAVE A VERY FRESH, OFF-BEAT SOUND |
| 75 | AND SHE WANTS TO DO A DEMO OF "SMELLY CAT." |
| 76 | ( clamoring ) |
| 77 | OKAY, I TOLD YOU NOT TO DO THAT YET. |
| 78 | OKAY... |
| 79 | AND SHE WANTS TO DO A VIDEO. |
| 80 | ( clamoring ) |
| 81 | I'M NOT DONE YET, OKAY? |
| 82 | GOD. |
| 83 | OKAY, IF THAT GOES WELL |
| 84 | THEY MAY EVEN WANT TO MAKE AN ALBUM. |
| 85 | I'M DONE NOW. |
| 86 | ( clamoring ) |
| 87 | IF YOU CARE ABOUT ME AT ALL |
| 88 | YOU'LL GET THE PIE OUT OF THE MAN'S HOOD. |
| 89 | GET THE WHAT? |
| 90 | THERE'S A PIE IN THE HOOD. PIE IN THE HOOD. GO. |
| 91 | WHAT ARE YOU DOING? |
| 92 | I'M SORRY. |
| 93 | MY PIE WAS IN YOUR HOOD. |
| 94 | I JUST HAVE TO GET MY COFFEE OUT OF THAT GUY'S PANTS |
| 95 | AND I'LL BE BACK IN THE HOSPITAL BY 7:00. |
| 96 | ROSS, GET OUT OF THE BATHROOM. |
| 97 | CALM DOWN. |
| 98 | I'M BLOW DRYING. |
| 99 | BLOW DRYING WHAT? |
| 100 | YOU HAVE NO HAIR. |
| 101 | WHAT'S GOING ON? |
| 102 | YOUR BOYFRIEND HAS BEEN IN THERE |
| 103 | FOR OVER AN HOUR. |
| 104 | IT'S LIKE I'M LIVING WITH HIM AGAIN. |
| 105 | HE'S HERE WHEN I GO TO SLEEP, WHEN I WAKE UP |
| 106 | WHEN I WANT TO USE THE SHOWER. |
| 107 | UGH! I FEEL LIKE I'M 16 ALL OVER AGAIN. |
| 108 | WELL, YOU'RE NOT 16. |
| 109 | YOU'RE BOTH ADULTS NOW. |
| 110 | GET OUT, YOU DOOFUS! |
| 111 | OR, YOU KNOW |
| 112 | HE'S RUBBER AND YOU'RE GLUE. |
| 113 | ALL YOURS. |
| 114 | I HOPE YOU CLEANED YOUR HAIR OUT OF THE DRAIN. |
| 115 | ( mimicking ): I HOPE YOU CLEANED YOUR HAIR OUT OF THE DRAIN. |
| 116 | SHUT UP. |
| 117 | ( mimicking): SHUT UP. |
| 118 | CUT IT OUT! |
| 119 | ( mimicking in gibberish ) |
| 120 | I'VE NEVER WANTED YOU MORE. |
| 121 | SO, WHAT DO YOU SAY, BOYS? |
| 122 | SHOULD I CALL HIM? |
| 123 | ( electronic barking ) |
| 124 | WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY: |
| 125 | ASK YOUR SLIPPERS A QUESTION... |
| 126 | YOU'RE GOING CRAZY. |
| 127 | HELLO? |
| 128 | Chandler: Hey. |
| 129 | HEY! |
| 130 | LISTEN, I'M SORRY I DIDN'T MAKE IT OVER THERE TODAY. |
| 131 | OH, THAT'S OKAY. |
| 132 | YOU, UH... YOU HAD A THING. |
| 133 | YEAH, WELL, I HEAR THE PLACE LOOKS GREAT. |
| 134 | OH, FORGET ABOUT IT. |
| 135 | I'M HAVING A BALL. |
| 136 | HOW'S THE APARTMENT DOING? |
| 137 | OH, HEY, IT'S TERRIFIC. |
| 138 | I MEAN, IT'S A REGULAR SPACE... |
| 139 | FEST. |
| 140 | OH. |
| 141 | WELL, GREAT. |
| 142 | Yeah, I just... |
| 143 | YOU KNOW, WANTED TO CALL AND SAY "HEY." |
| 144 | WELL, OKAY THEN. |
| 145 | ( bell dings ) |
| 146 | WAS THAT THE OVEN TIMER? |
| 147 | THAT'S RIGHT, MY FRIEND. |
| 148 | It's time for... |
| 149 | Both: BAYWATCH! |
| 150 | ( drums beating ) |
| 151 | Oh... |
| 152 | CAN YOU BELIEVE THEY GAVE STEPHANIE SKIN CANCER? |
| 153 | I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE THEY PROMOTED HER TO LIEUTENANT. |
| 154 | OH, YOU'RE JUST SAYING THAT |
| 155 | 'CAUSE YOU'RE IN LOVE WITH YASMINE BLEETH. |
| 156 | WELL, HOW COULD ANYONE NOT BE IN LOVE WITH YASMINE BLEETH? |
| 157 | Joey: HEY! |
| 158 | HEY! THEY'RE RUNNING! |
| 159 | SEE, THIS IS THE BRILLIANCE OF THE SHOW. |
| 160 | I SAY ALWAYS KEEP THEM RUNNING. |
| 161 | ALL THE TIME, RUNNING. |
| 162 | Run! |
| 163 | Run! |
| 164 | RUN, YASMINE! RUN LIKE THE WIND! |
| 165 | BUT I THOUGHT YOU WANTED |
| 166 | TO LIVE BY YOURSELF. |
| 167 | I DID. |
| 168 | I THOUGHT IT'D BE GREAT. |
| 169 | I FIGURED I'D HAVE TIME ALONE WITH MY THOUGHTS |
| 170 | BUT, YOU KNOW, IT TURNS OUT |
| 171 | I DON'T HAVE AS MANY THOUGHTS AS YOU'D THINK. |
| 172 | JOEY, WHY DON'T YOU TALK TO CHANDLER ABOUT MOVING BACK? |
| 173 | YOU REALLY THINK HE'D TAKE ME? |
| 174 | I MEAN, WE HAD A PRETTY GOOD TALK LAST NIGHT |
| 175 | BUT WHEN I MOVED OUT, I HURT HIM BAD. |
| 176 | I PROMISE YOU |
| 177 | HE WOULD DEFINITELY WANT YOU BACK. |
| 178 | I'M TELLING YOU THERE'S NO WAY HE'S MOVING BACK. |
| 179 | BUT WE HAD ONE OF THE GREATEST TALKS |
| 180 | WE EVER HAD LAST NIGHT. |
| 181 | I MEAN, IT WAS... |
| 182 | IT WAS LIKE WHEN WE FIRST STARTED LIVING TOGETHER. |
| 183 | LOOK, I KNOW YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR THIS RIGHT NOW, BUT... |
| 184 | WE'VE SEEN HIM IN HIS NEW PLACE, ALL RIGHT |
| 185 | AND HE'S HAPPY. |
| 186 | HE'S... HE'S DECORATED. |
| 187 | LOOK, CHANDLER, HE HAS MOVED ON, OKAY? |
| 188 | YOU HAVE TO TOO. |
| 189 | BUT... |
| 190 | NO. YOU'RE JUST GOING TO HAVE TO ACCEPT THE FACT |
| 191 | THAT YOU'RE JUST FRIENDS NOW, OKAY? |
| 192 | YOU'RE NOT... ROOMMATES ANYMORE. |
| 193 | Okay, Phoebe. |
| 194 | Ready to try one? |
| 195 | OKAY. |
| 196 | ( clears throat ) |
| 197 | ♪ SMELLY CAT ♪ |
| 198 | ♪ SMELLY CAT ♪ |
| 199 | ♪ WHAT ARE THEY FEEDING YOU? ♪ |
| 200 | ♪ SMELLY, SMELLY, SMELLY ♪ ♪ SMELLY CAT, SMELLY CAT... ♪ |
| 201 | ♪ REALLY BAD-SMELLING SMELLY CAT... ♪ |
| 202 | WHOA! OH, MY GOD! |
| 203 | I MEAN, LIKE, WHO WAS THAT? |
| 204 | They're your backup singers. |
| 205 | Behind you, hon. |
| 206 | OH! |
| 207 | OH, I THOUGHT THEY WERE JUST WATCHING ME. |
| 208 | YOU KNOW, LIKE AT AN AQUARIUM, YOU KNOW. |
| 209 | All righty. |
| 210 | SORRY. |
| 211 | From the top. |
| 212 | OKAY. |
| 213 | ♪ SMELLY CAT ♪ |
| 214 | ♪ SMELLY CAT ♪ |
| 215 | ♪ WHAT ARE THEY FEEDING YOU? ♪ |
| 216 | ♪ SMELLY, SMELLY, SMELLY ♪ ♪ SMELLY CAT ♪ |
| 217 | ♪ REALLY BAD-SMELLING SMELLY CAT ♪ |
| 218 | ♪ IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT... ♪ |
| 219 | OKAY. SORRY. |
| 220 | I'M JUST NOT GETTING |
| 221 | THAT EVERYONE, UM... |
| 222 | GETS HOW SMELLY THIS CAT ACTUALLY IS. |
| 223 | I JUST THINK IF WE COULD TALK ABOUT THIS |
| 224 | 'CAUSE I NEED TO FEEL |
| 225 | THAT YOU REALLY CARE ABOUT THE CAT. |
| 226 | Honey, we can talk about this. |
| 227 | It's just that it's costing |
| 228 | about a hundred dollars a minute to be in here. |
| 229 | OH, OKAY. |
| 230 | SO THE CAT STINKS, BUT YOU LOVE IT. |
| 231 | LET'S GO. |
| 232 | NO. THERE IS NO WAY HE WAS A VELOCIRAPTOR. |
| 233 | NO, TONY. |
| 234 | LOOK AT THE CRANIAL RIDGE. |
| 235 | IF DINO WAS A VELOCIRAPTOR |
| 236 | HE WOULD HAVE EATEN THE FLINTSTONES. |
| 237 | YEAH... YEAH. |
| 238 | OH, WERE YOU TAKING A NAP? |
| 239 | I WAS. |
| 240 | OH, WAIT. |
| 241 | TONY, CAN YOU HOLD ON? THAT'S THE OTHER LINE. |
| 242 | HELLO? |
| 243 | OH, YES, SHE'S HERE, BUT CAN SHE CALL YOU BACK? |
| 244 | OKAY, THANKS. |
| 245 | CALL JOANNA. HI. |
| 246 | DID SHE LEAVE A NUMBER? |
| 247 | DID YOU SEE ME |
| 248 | WRITE ONE DOWN? |
| 249 | I DON'T HAVE HER NUMBER, BUTTMUNCH. |
| 250 | WELL, SHE'LL CALL BACK. |
| 251 | DON'T BE SUCH A BABY. |
| 252 | I'M NOT A BABY. YOU'RE THE BABY. |
| 253 | GET OFF MY BACK. |
| 254 | GET OUT OF MY FACE. |
| 255 | WAIT. HOLD ON, TONY. HOLD ON. |
| 256 | HELLO? |
| 257 | HI. |
| 258 | YEAH. NO. SHE'S RIGHT HERE. |
| 259 | UM, HOLD ON. |
| 260 | HI. TONY, CAN I CALL YOU BACK? |
| 261 | THAT'S, UH... THAT'S MY SISTER'S BOYFRIEND. |
| 262 | GIVE ME THAT. |
| 263 | OKAY. |
| 264 | HI, SWEETIE. |
| 265 | LISTEN, BEFORE I FORGET-- |
| 266 | DID I LEAVE MY DIAPHRAGM AT YOUR PLACE? |
| 267 | HI, MOM. |
| 268 | HEY! |
| 269 | SO, UH... |
| 270 | HOW'S THE PALACE? |
| 271 | YOU KNOW, IT'S FUNNY YOU SHOULD MENTION THAT |
| 272 | 'CAUSE I WAS THINKING... |
| 273 | WHAT'S WITH THE BOXES? |
| 274 | OH, UH... ACTUALLY |
| 275 | I, UH, HAVE SOME NEWS. |
| 276 | HEY, CHAN, IS JOEY GOING TO PICK UP HIS MOOSE HAT |
| 277 | OR SHOULD I TOSS IT OUT? |
| 278 | WELL, UH, WHY DON'T YOU ASK HIM YOURSELF. |
| 279 | JOEY, THIS IS MY NEW ROOMMATE, EDDIE. |
| 280 | NICE TO MEET YOU. |
| 281 | LIKEWISE. |
| 282 | HOW YOU DOING? |
| 283 | I'LL TAKE THAT. |
| 284 | OH. |
| 285 | THAT'S, UH... WHAT I CAME FOR. |
| 286 | SO, THIS IS NEW. |
| 287 | WHERE'D YOU TWO MEET? |
| 288 | AT THE SUPERMARKET IN THE ETHNIC FOOD SECTION. |
| 289 | I HELPED HIM PICK OUT A CHORIZO. |
| 290 | ( laughing ) |
| 291 | WOW. |
| 292 | YOU KNOW, WE GOT TO TALKING |
| 293 | AND HE SAID HE NEEDED A PLACE AND I HAD A SPARE ROOM. |
| 294 | OH. |
| 295 | NOW IT'S A SPARE ROOM? |
| 296 | WELL, YEAH, IN THAT IT'S NOT BEING USED |
| 297 | AND I HAVE IT TO SPARE. |
| 298 | RIGHT. |
| 299 | WELL, I, UH, GOT WHAT I CAME FOR. |
| 300 | I'LL, UH, I'LL SEE YOU GUYS. |
| 301 | HEY, JOE? |
| 302 | WHEN DID YOU START USING MOOSE IN YOUR HAIR? |
| 303 | ( giggling laughter ) |
| 304 | IS THIS GUY GREAT OR WHAT? |
| 305 | YEAH. |
| 306 | YEAH, HE IS. |
| 307 | HE HAS A NEW ROOMMATE? |
| 308 | WHO IS THIS GUY? |
| 309 | EDDIE SOMETHING. HE JUST MET HIM. |
| 310 | IT'LL NEVER LAST. |
| 311 | HE'S JUST A REBOUND ROOMMATE. |
| 312 | HEY! |
| 313 | OOH, CHECK IT OUT. |
| 314 | CHECK IT OUT. |
| 315 | IT'S "SMELLY CAT" THE VIDEO. |
| 316 | HEY! |
| 317 | NOW, OKAY, I HAVEN'T SEEN IT YET |
| 318 | SO IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT, WELL, SO WHAT? |
| 319 | NONE OF YOU EVER MADE A VIDEO. |
| 320 | OKAY. |
| 321 | GET OUT OF HERE, CAT! |
| 322 | YOU STINK! |
| 323 | Ross: WHOA. |
| 324 | SMOKIN'. |
| 325 | LOOK AT ME! |
| 326 | ( different voice ): ♪ SMELLY CAT ♪ |
| 327 | ♪ SMELLY CAT ♪ |
| 328 | ♪ WHAT ARE THEY FEEDING YOU? ♪ |
| 329 | ♪ SMELLY CAT ♪ |
| 330 | ♪ SMELLY CAT ♪ |
| 331 | ♪ IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT ♪ |
| 332 | ( beat picks up ) |
| 333 | ♪ SMELLY, SMELLY, SMELLY ♪ |
| 334 | ♪ REALLY BAD-SMELLING SMELLY CAT ♪ |
| 335 | ♪ IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT ♪ |
| 336 | ♪ SMELLY CAT ♪ |
| 337 | ♪ SMELLY CAT ♪ |
| 338 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 339 | I KNOW. |
| 340 | I SOUND AMAZING. |
| 341 | ♪ IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT ♪ |
| 342 | ♪ THEY WON'T TAKE YOU TO THE VET ♪ |
| 343 | ♪ YOU'RE OBVIOUSLY NOT THEIR FAVORITE PET ♪ |
| 344 | ♪ SMELLY CAT ♪ |
| 345 | ♪ SMELLY CAT ♪ |
| 346 | ♪ IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT ♪ |
| 347 | ♪ OH, NO ♪ |
| 348 | I'VE NEVER HEARD MYSELF SING BEFORE. |
| 349 | I MEAN, EXCEPT IN MY OWN HEAD. |
| 350 | THIS IS SO COOL. |
| 351 | NOW I CAN HEAR WHAT YOU HEAR. |
| 352 | PRETTY DIFFERENT, HUH? |
| 353 | I AM SORRY, BUT I AM INCREDIBLY TALENTED. |
| 354 | ♪ SMELLY CAT ♪ |
| 355 | ♪ SMELLY CAT ♪ |
| 356 | ♪ IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT. ♪ |
| 357 | HEY, JOEY. WHAT'S GOING ON, MAN? |
| 358 | EDDIE. |
| 359 | MORNING. |
| 360 | MORNING. |
| 361 | I JUST CAME BY TO PICK UP MY MAIL. |
| 362 | WHERE'S THE MAIL? |
| 363 | OH, IT'S OVER THERE ON THE TABLE. |
| 364 | YOU DON'T KEEP IT ON THIS TABLE ANYMORE? |
| 365 | EDDIE LIKES TO KEEP IT OVER THERE. |
| 366 | ALL RIGHT, HERE YOU GO, MY FRIEND. |
| 367 | EGGS A LA EDDIE. |
| 368 | OOH, OOH. |
| 369 | OH... OH... |
| 370 | THAT'S GREAT. |
| 371 | HUH. |
| 372 | WHAT? |
| 373 | NO, I JUST THOUGHT YOU LIKED YOUR EGGS |
| 374 | WITH THE BREAD WITH THE HOLE IN THE MIDDLE-- |
| 375 | A LA ME. |
| 376 | I DO, BUT EDDIE MAKES THEM THIS WAY. |
| 377 | WELL, THEY'RE PRETTY DARN GOOD. |
| 378 | Eddie: WELL, YOU GUYS |
| 379 | I'M OUT OF HERE. |
| 380 | SEE YOU, PALS. |
| 381 | SEE YA. |
| 382 | SO, HOW YOU TWO GETTING ALONG? |
| 383 | OH, I COULDN'T BE HAPPIER. |
| 384 | GREAT. |
| 385 | WELL, I'M HAPPY FOR YOU. |
| 386 | ALL RIGHT, THAT'S IT. |
| 387 | HE JUST COMES IN HERE |
| 388 | MR. JOHNNY NEW EGGS |
| 389 | WITH HIS, HIS... |
| 390 | HIS MOVING THE MAIL AND HIS, HIS "SEE YA, PALS." |
| 391 | AND NOW THERE'S NO JUICE. |
| 392 | THERE'S NO JUICE FOR THE PEOPLE |
| 393 | WHO NEED THE JUICE AND WANT THE JUICE. |
| 394 | I NEED THE JUICE. |
| 395 | THERE'S ANOTHER CARTON RIGHT OVER THERE. |
| 396 | THIS ISN'T ABOUT JUICE ANYMORE, ALL RIGHT? |
| 397 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 398 | SO WHAT'S IT ABOUT? |
| 399 | EGGS. |
| 400 | WHOSE EGGS DO YOU LIKE BETTER? |
| 401 | HIS OR MINE? |
| 402 | WELL, I LIKE BOTH EGGS EQUALLY. |
| 403 | OH, COME ON. |
| 404 | YOU LIKE ONE BETTER THAN THE OTHER |
| 405 | AND I WANT TO KNOW WHICH. |
| 406 | WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE? |
| 407 | YOUR EGGS |
| 408 | AREN'T HERE ANYMORE, ARE THEY? |
| 409 | YOU TOOK YOUR EGGS AND YOU LEFT! |
| 410 | DID YOU REALLY EXPECT ME TO NEVER FIND NEW EGGS? |
| 411 | NO. ENTERTAINMENT TONIGHT. |
| 412 | WE'RE WATCHING PREDATORS OF THE SERENGETI. |
| 413 | WOULD YOU GUYS STOP? |
| 414 | IT'S MY TV. |
| 415 | QUIT IT. |
| 416 | BITE ME. |
| 417 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 418 | MONICA KEEPS CHANGING THE CHANNEL. |
| 419 | THAT'S GREAT. WHY DON'T YOU TELL MOMMY ON ME? |
| 420 | NOW I'M MOMMY IN THIS LITTLE PLAY? |
| 421 | ALL RIGHT, LOOK |
| 422 | I REFUSE TO GET SUCKED INTO THIS, LIKE, WEIRD |
| 423 | LITTLE GELLER DIMENSION THING. |
| 424 | SO I'M GOING TO GO |
| 425 | AND TAKE A NICE, LONG HOT BUBBLE BATH |
| 426 | BECAUSE YOU KIDS ARE DRIVING ME CRAZY. |
| 427 | WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO ABOUT THIS? |
| 428 | WE COULD TAPE ENTERTAINMENT TONIGHT. |
| 429 | NOT THAT. |
| 430 | THIS. US. |
| 431 | ( shrieking ): OH, MY GOD, ROSS, YOU... IT'S... YOU ARE... |
| 432 | OW. OW. |
| 433 | YOU'RE DRIVING ME... NIGHTMARE. |
| 434 | MON, MON, MON, YOU'VE GONE ULTRASONIC AGAIN. |
| 435 | I JUST CAN'T STAND YOU BEING HERE ALL THE TIME. |
| 436 | WHY? WHY CAN'T YOU STAND ME BEING HERE? |
| 437 | YOU KNOW, WE'RE JUST HAVING FUN. |
| 438 | FUN? YOU THINK THIS IS FUN? |
| 439 | YEAH. |
| 440 | I THOUGHT WE WERE JUST FOOLING AROUND |
| 441 | LIKE WHEN WE WERE KIDS. |
| 442 | ROSS, I HATED YOU WHEN WE WERE KIDS. |
| 443 | YOU HATED ME WHEN WE WERE KIDS? |
| 444 | YES. I HATED YOU. |
| 445 | I LOVED YOU IN A YOU'RE- MY-BROTHER-SO-I-HAVE-TO WAY |
| 446 | BUT, YEAH, I HATED YOUR GUTS. |
| 447 | WHY DID YOU HATE ME? |
| 448 | BECAUSE YOU WERE MEAN TO ME AND YOU, YOU TEASED ME |
| 449 | AND YOU ALWAYS, ALWAYS GOT YOUR WAY. |
| 450 | AND THAT WASN'T FUN FOR YOU? |
| 451 | TA-HA! |
| 452 | I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU HATED ME. |
| 453 | BUT NOW I LOVE YOU. |
| 454 | AND NOT JUST 'CAUSE I HAVE TO. |
| 455 | REALLY? |
| 456 | YEAH. |
| 457 | YOU'RE JUST GOING TO HAVE TO STOP PISSING ME OFF. |
| 458 | I CAN DO THAT. |
| 459 | THEN I WON'T HAVE TO KILL YOU. |
| 460 | SO YOU WANT TO WATCH ENTERTAINMENT TONIGHT? |
| 461 | AH, THANKS. |
| 462 | America's premiere sports magazine... |
| 463 | YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 464 | WHAT? |
| 465 | IF YOU REALLY WANT TO WATCH THAT SERENGETI THING |
| 466 | WE CAN. |
| 467 | OH... OKAY. |
| 468 | HEY, LISTEN, YOU ARE NOT GOING |
| 469 | TO BELIEVE THIS |
| 470 | BUT THAT IS NOT ME SINGING ON THE VIDEO. |
| 471 | NO! NO! NO! |
| 472 | YES. |
| 473 | WELL, HOW DID YOU FIND OUT? |
| 474 | THE RECORD COMPANY SENT OVER |
| 475 | THIS PIECE OF PAPER FOR ME TO SIGN |
| 476 | SAYING THAT IT'S OKAY FOR SOMEONE TO SING FOR ME. |
| 477 | THAT WAS MY FIRST CLUE. |
| 478 | WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO? |
| 479 | WELL, I CAN'T WORK WITH PEOPLE WHO WOULD DO THIS. |
| 480 | SURE. |
| 481 | THIS POOR WOMAN. |
| 482 | WHAT WOMAN? |
| 483 | THE VOICE WOMAN. |
| 484 | SHE HAS A GREAT VOICE, BUT SHE DOESN'T HAVE A VIDEO. |
| 485 | OKAY, PHEEBS, BUT WHAT ABOUT YOU? |
| 486 | WELL, I HAVE A VIDEO. |
| 487 | YOU HAVE TO PAY ATTENTION. |
| 488 | NO, THIS VOICE WOMAN, SHE'S SO TALENTED. |
| 489 | BUT ACCORDING TO THE PRODUCER PEOPLE |
| 490 | SHE DOESN'T HAVE THE RIGHT LOOK OR SOMETHING. |
| 491 | IT'S LIKE SHE'S LIKE ONE OF THOSE ANIMALS AT THE POUND |
| 492 | LIKE NOBODY WANTS |
| 493 | 'CAUSE THEY'RE NOT PRETTY ENOUGH |
| 494 | FOR IT, YOU KNOW. |
| 495 | LIKE SOME OLD DOG WHO'S JUST STINKY... |
| 496 | OH, MY GOD. SHE'S SMELLY CAT. |
| 497 | OH, THAT SONG HAS SO MANY LEVELS. |
| 498 | HEY, EDDIE, YOU WANT TO PLAY SOME FOOSBALL? |
| 499 | NO, THANKS, MAN. |
| 500 | I'M NOT REALLY INTO SPORTS. |
| 501 | YEAH, OKAY, ALL RIGHT. |
| 502 | ( bell rings ) |
| 503 | DOESN'T MATTER. |
| 504 | TIME FOR BAYWATCH. |
| 505 | WHAT? |
| 506 | YOU-YOU LIKE THAT SHOW? |
| 507 | YOU DON'T LIKE THAT SHOW? |
| 508 | NO, MAN. |
| 509 | IT'S JUST A BUNCH OF PRETTY PEOPLE |
| 510 | RUNNING AROUND ON THE BEACH. |
| 511 | WELL, THAT'S THE BRILLIANCE OF IT. |
| 512 | THE PRETTY PEOPLE... |
| 513 | AND THE RUNNING. |
| 514 | I'M GOING TO GO READ IN MY ROOM FOR A LITTLE WHILE. |
| 515 | OH, OKAY, MAN. |
| 516 | ( chuckling ) |
| 517 | ( ball dropping through goal ) |
| 518 | ♪ SMELLY CAT, SMELLY CAT ♪ |
| 519 | ♪ WHAT ARE THEY FEEDING YOU? ♪ |
| 520 | EVERYBODY! |
| 521 | ♪ SMELLY CAT ♪ |
| 522 | ♪ SMELLY CAT ♪ |
| 523 | ♪ IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT ♪ |
| 524 | MONICA! |
| 525 | ♪ THEY WON'T TAKE YOU TO THE VET ♪ |
| 526 | CHANDLER! |
| 527 | ♪ YOU'RE OBVIOUSLY NOT THEIR FAVORITE PET ♪ |
| 528 | JOEY! |
| 529 | ♪ YOU MAY NOT BE A BED OF ROSES ♪ |
| 530 | RACHEL! |
| 531 | ♪ AND YOU'RE NO FRIEND TO THOSE WITH NOSES... ♪ |
| 532 | ROSS, THOSE ARE THE ONLY LINES WE HAVE. |
| 533 | [Captioned by The Caption Center WGBH Educational Foundation] |
| 534 | |
| 1 | Oh, Drake. |
| 2 | I'm sorry, Amber. |
| 3 | It's just like Brad to have to have the last word. |
| 4 | I'M SORRY I'M LATE. |
| 5 | WE JUST WANT TO SEE THE END. |
| 6 | I want you, Drake. |
| 7 | I know you do. |
| 8 | But you and I can never be together that way. |
| 9 | What? |
| 10 | There's something I never told you, Amber. |
| 11 | I'm actually... your half brother. |
| 12 | ( gasping ) |
| 13 | SO WHAT HAPPENS NEXT? |
| 14 | WELL, I GET THE MEDICAL AWARD |
| 15 | FOR SEPARATING THE SIAMESE TWINS. |
| 16 | THEN AMBER AND I GO TO VENEZUELA |
| 17 | TO MEET OUR OTHER HALF BROTHER, RAMON. |
| 18 | AND THAT'S WHERE I FIND THE WORLD'S BIGGEST EMERALD. |
| 19 | IT'S REALLY BIG... |
| 20 | BUT IT'S CURSED. |
| 21 | THAT'S SO COOL. |
| 22 | GOD, THAT IS GOOD TV. |
| 23 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 24 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 25 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 26 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 27 | ♪ WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY ♪ |
| 28 | ♪ YOUR WEEK, YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 29 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 30 | ♪ WHEN THE RAIN STARTS TO POUR ♪ |
| 31 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 32 | ♪ LIKE I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE ♪ |
| 33 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 34 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME TOO. ♪ |
| 35 | PHEEBS, PLAY WITH ME. |
| 36 | NO. |
| 37 | THIS GAME IS GROTESQUE. |
| 38 | 20 ARMLESS GUYS JOINED AT THE WAIST BY A STEEL BAR. |
| 39 | FORCED TO PLAY SOCCER FOREVER? |
| 40 | HELLO? HUMAN RIGHTS VIOLATION. |
| 41 | DON'T FEEL SO BAD FOR THEM. |
| 42 | AFTER THEY'RE DONE PLAYING |
| 43 | I BREAK OUT THE LITTLE PLASTIC WOMEN |
| 44 | AND EVERYBODY HAS A PRETTY GOOD TIME. |
| 45 | WHY DON'T YOU PLAY WITH YOUR ROOMMATE? |
| 46 | HE'S, UH... |
| 47 | HE'S NOT A BIG FAN OF FOOSBALL. |
| 48 | UH-OH. ARE WE NOT GETTING ALONG WITH THE NEW BOY? |
| 49 | HE'S ALL RIGHT. |
| 50 | HE SPENDS MOST OF HIS TIME IN HIS ROOM. |
| 51 | MAYBE THAT'S BECAUSE |
| 52 | YOU HAVEN'T TAKEN TIME TO GET TO KNOW HIM. |
| 53 | LET'S REMEDY THAT, SHALL WE? |
| 54 | WE DON'T NEED TO REMEDY THAT. |
| 55 | YEAH, IT'LL BE FUN. |
| 56 | WHAT WAS THAT? |
| 57 | HI. I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE FUN IF THE THREE OF US |
| 58 | HAD SOME BEERS AND GOT TO KNOW EACH OTHER. |
| 59 | THAT SOUNDS ALL RIGHT. |
| 60 | GOOD. OKAY. |
| 61 | OH, NO, I HAVE TO GO |
| 62 | BECAUSE I'M LATE FOR MY, UM... |
| 63 | GREEN EGGS AND HAM DISCUSSION GROUP. |
| 64 | TONIGHT IT'S |
| 65 | WHY HE WOULD NOT EAT THEM ON A TRAIN. |
| 66 | HAVE FUN. BYE. |
| 67 | THAT WAS SO LAME. |
| 68 | I KNOW, YEAH. |
| 69 | OKAY, TALK TO HIM. |
| 70 | SO YOU THINK THAT SPEED RACER GUY GETS A LOT OF TICKETS OR..? |
| 71 | THAT'S GOOD. THAT'S GOOD. |
| 72 | SO WHO BROKE UP WITH WHO? |
| 73 | I BROKE UP WITH HER. |
| 74 | SHE ACTUALLY THOUGHT THAT SEAN PENN |
| 75 | WAS THE CAPITAL OF CAMBODIA. |
| 76 | THAT'S GOOD, MAN. |
| 77 | WHEN EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT THE CAPITAL OF CAMBODIA... |
| 78 | IS, UH... |
| 79 | IT'S NOT SEAN PENN. NOT SEAN PENN. |
| 80 | ALL RIGHT, I GOT A FUNNY ONE. |
| 81 | MY LAST GIRLFRIEND, TILLY, WE'RE EATING BREAKFAST. |
| 82 | I MADE ALL THESE PANCAKES. |
| 83 | THERE WAS LIKE 50 PANCAKES. |
| 84 | ALL OF A SUDDEN, SHE TURNS TO ME AND SAYS |
| 85 | "EDDIE, I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOU ANYMORE." |
| 86 | IT WAS LITERALLY LIKE SHE HAD REACHED INTO MY CHEST |
| 87 | RIPPED OUT MY HEART AND SMEARED IT ALL OVER MY LIFE. |
| 88 | NOW THERE'S LIKE THIS |
| 89 | INCREDIBLE ABYSS |
| 90 | AND I'M FALLING |
| 91 | AND I KEEP FALLING |
| 92 | AND I DON'T THINK I'M EVER GOING TO STOP. |
| 93 | ( manaical laughter ) |
| 94 | THAT WASN'T SUCH A FUNNY STORY, WAS IT? |
| 95 | ♪ AND A CRUSTY OLD MAN SAID I'LL DO WHAT I CAN ♪ |
| 96 | ♪ AND THE REST OF THE RATS PLAYED MARACAS. ♪ |
| 97 | THAT'S IT. THANKS. |
| 98 | GOOD NIGHT. |
| 99 | PHOEBE'S GOT ANOTHER JOB, RIGHT? |
| 100 | Rachel: GREAT SET TONIGHT, PHEEBS. |
| 101 | I KNOW. |
| 102 | WELL, WE SHOULD PROBABLY GET GOING. |
| 103 | WE SHOULD GO TOO. |
| 104 | I'VE GOT PATIENTS AT 8:00 IN THE MORNING. |
| 105 | YOU KNOW HOW WE ALWAYS STAY AT YOUR APARTMENT? |
| 106 | I THOUGHT TONIGHT WE'D STAY AT MY PLACE. |
| 107 | I DON'T KNOW. I DON'T HAVE MY JAMMIES. |
| 108 | WELL, MAYBE YOU DON'T NEED THEM. |
| 109 | MY BABY SISTER, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. |
| 110 | SHUT UP. I'M HAPPY. |
| 111 | OH, THIS IS SO NICE. |
| 112 | ALL RIGHT, I HAVE TO MAKE A SPEECH. |
| 113 | I JUST WANT TO SAY |
| 114 | THAT OF ALL THE GUYS THAT MONICA'S BEEN WITH |
| 115 | AND THAT IS A LOT |
| 116 | I LIKE YOU THE BEST. |
| 117 | OH, THANK YOU, PHEEBS. |
| 118 | THAT'S VERY SWEET. |
| 119 | DID YOU HEAR THAT? |
| 120 | SHE LIKES ME BEST. |
| 121 | AND APPARENTLY THERE HAVE BEEN A LOT. |
| 122 | NOT A LOT. |
| 123 | PHOEBE'S KIDDING. |
| 124 | PHOEBE'S CRAZY. |
| 125 | PHOEBE'S DEAD. |
| 126 | ( knocking ) |
| 127 | HI. |
| 128 | HI. |
| 129 | I'M LOOKING FOR EDDIE MANOACK. |
| 130 | HE'S NOT HERE RIGHT NOW. |
| 131 | I'M CHANDLER. CAN I TAKE A MESSAGE |
| 132 | OR A FISH TANK? |
| 133 | THANKS. |
| 134 | COME ON IN. |
| 135 | I'M TILLY. |
| 136 | OH. |
| 137 | I GATHER BY THAT "OH," THAT HE TOLD YOU ABOUT ME. |
| 138 | YEAH, YOUR NAME CAME UP IN A CONVERSATION |
| 139 | THAT TERRIFIED ME TO MY VERY SOUL. |
| 140 | HE'S KIND OF INTENSE, HUH? |
| 141 | YES! HEY, CAN I ASK YOU, IS EDDIE A LITTLE..? |
| 142 | A LITTLE WHAT? |
| 143 | BIT COUNTRY? |
| 144 | COME ON IN HERE, YOU ROOMIE. |
| 145 | HELLO, TILLY. |
| 146 | EDDIE, I JUST CAME BY TO DROP OFF YOUR TANK. |
| 147 | THAT WAS VERY THOUGHTFUL OF YOU. |
| 148 | IT WAS VERY THOUGHTFUL. |
| 149 | WELL, OKAY THEN. |
| 150 | I'M GOING TO GO. |
| 151 | BYE. |
| 152 | BYE-BYE. |
| 153 | BYE. |
| 154 | SO WE GETTING A FISH? |
| 155 | YOU HAD SEX WITH HER, DIDN'T YOU? |
| 156 | PHEEBS, CHECK IT OUT, CHECK IT OUT, CHECK IT OUT. |
| 157 | OH, SOAP OPERA DIGEST. |
| 158 | THAT'S ONE OF MY FAVORITE DIGESTS. |
| 159 | PAGE 42, PAGE 42. |
| 160 | OKAY, OKAY, OKAY. |
| 161 | "NEW DOG ON THE BLOCK. |
| 162 | DAYS OF OUR LIVES, JOEY TRIBBIANI." |
| 163 | OOH, COOL PICTURE. |
| 164 | YEAH. |
| 165 | OOH, I LOOK GOOD. |
| 166 | HEY, IS THIS TRUE? |
| 167 | THAT YOU WRITE A LOT OF YOUR OWN LINES? |
| 168 | WELL, KIND OF, YEAH. |
| 169 | LIKE REMEMBER LAST WEEK WHEN ALEX WAS IN THE ACCIDENT? |
| 170 | THE LINE IN THE SCRIPT WAS |
| 171 | "IF WE DON'T GET THIS WOMAN TO A HOSPITAL |
| 172 | SHE'S GOING TO DIE." |
| 173 | BUT I MADE IT, "IF THIS WOMAN DOESN'T GET TO A HOSPITAL |
| 174 | SHE'S NOT GOING TO LIVE." |
| 175 | SEE? |
| 176 | OH, OKAY, I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE. |
| 177 | AREN'T YOU AFRAID THOUGH THAT THE WRITERS |
| 178 | ARE GOING TO BE KIND OF MAD WHEN THEY READ THIS? |
| 179 | HUH. I NEVER REALLY THOUGHT ABOUT THE WRITERS. |
| 180 | THE SCRIPTS JUST KIND OF COME TO MY HOUSE. |
| 181 | BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 182 | THIS MAKES ME LOOK GOOD, WHICH MAKES THE SHOW LOOK GOOD |
| 183 | WHICH MAKES THE WRITERS LOOK GOOD. |
| 184 | SO HOW COULD THEY BE MAD ABOUT THAT? |
| 185 | ( keyboard keys clattering ) |
| 186 | MAKES UP MOST OF HIS OWN LINES. |
| 187 | SON OF A... |
| 188 | WRITE THIS, JERKWEED. |
| 189 | I FALL DOWN AN ELEVATOR SHAFT? |
| 190 | WHAT THE HELL DOES THIS MEAN? |
| 191 | I DON'T KNOW. |
| 192 | I JUST BRING THE SCRIPTS. |
| 193 | THEY CAN'T KILL ME. |
| 194 | I'M FRANCHESCA'S LONG-LOST SON! |
| 195 | RIGHT. |
| 196 | COULD YOU SIGN THIS? |
| 197 | NO. NO WAY. |
| 198 | I'M NOT SIGNING THAT. |
| 199 | I DON'T THINK THAT'S GOING TO AFFECT THE PLOT OF THE SHOW. |
| 200 | HOW CAN THEY DO THIS TO ME? |
| 201 | ALL RIGHT, I'M JUST GOING TO GO. |
| 202 | SORRY. |
| 203 | WELL, IT WASN'T THAT MANY GUYS. |
| 204 | IF YOU CONSIDER HOW MANY GUYS THERE ACTUALLY ARE |
| 205 | IT'S A VERY SMALL PERCENTAGE. |
| 206 | HEY, IT'S NOT THAT BIG A DEAL. |
| 207 | I WAS JUST CURIOUS. |
| 208 | GOOD NIGHT. |
| 209 | GOOD NIGHT, RICHARD. |
| 210 | GOOD LUCK, MON. |
| 211 | BEFORE I TELL YOU |
| 212 | WHY DON'T YOU TELL ME HOW MANY WOMEN |
| 213 | YOU'VE BEEN WITH. |
| 214 | TWO. |
| 215 | TWO? TWO? |
| 216 | HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE? |
| 217 | I MEAN, HAVE YOU SEEN YOU? |
| 218 | WELL, WHAT CAN I SAY? |
| 219 | I WAS MARRIED TO BARBARA FOR 30 YEARS. |
| 220 | SHE WAS MY HIGH SCHOOL SWEETHEART. |
| 221 | NOW YOU. |
| 222 | THAT'S TWO. |
| 223 | TWO IT IS. |
| 224 | OKAY, TIME FOR BED. |
| 225 | I'M GOING TO GO BRUSH MY TEETH. |
| 226 | WHOA, WHOA, NOW, WAIT A MINUTE, NOW. |
| 227 | COME ON, IT'S YOUR TURN. |
| 228 | OH, COME ON. |
| 229 | YOU KNOW, I DON'T NEED THE ACTUAL NUMBER |
| 230 | JUST A BALLPARK. |
| 231 | OKAY, IT IS DEFINITELY LESS THAN A BALLPARK. |
| 232 | WOW, I AM SO GLAD I'M NOT MONICA RIGHT NOW. |
| 233 | TELL ME ABOUT IT. |
| 234 | SO WHAT'S YOUR MAGIC NUMBER? |
| 235 | AH... |
| 236 | COME ON, YOU KNOW EVERYONE I'VE BEEN WITH. |
| 237 | ALL BOTH OF THEM. |
| 238 | WELL, THERE'S YOU... |
| 239 | BETTER NOT BE DOING THESE IN ORDER. |
| 240 | OKAY, BILLY DRESKIN... |
| 241 | PETE CARNEY... |
| 242 | BARRY... |
| 243 | AND UH... OH, PAOLO. |
| 244 | OH, YES, THE WIENIE FROM TURINI. |
| 245 | OH, HONEY, ARE YOU JEALOUS OF PAOLO? |
| 246 | OH, COME ON, I'M SO MUCH HAPPIER WITH YOU |
| 247 | THAN I EVER WAS WITH HIM. |
| 248 | REALLY? |
| 249 | OH, PLEASE. |
| 250 | THAT PAOLO THING WAS BARELY A RELATIONSHIP. |
| 251 | ALL IT REALLY WAS |
| 252 | WAS, YOU KNOW, MEANINGLESS ANIMAL SEX. |
| 253 | OKAY, YOU KNOW, THAT SOUNDED SO MUCH BETTER IN MY HEAD. |
| 254 | EDDIE, I DIDN'T SLEEP WITH YOUR EX-GIRLFRIEND. |
| 255 | SOMEONE WHO SLEPT WITH HER WOULD SAY THAT. |
| 256 | THIS IS NUTS. THIS IS CRAZY. |
| 257 | SHE CAME OVER FOR, LIKE, TWO MINUTES |
| 258 | DROPPED OFF A FISH TANK AND LEFT-- END OF STORY. |
| 259 | WHERE'S BUDDY? |
| 260 | BUDDY? |
| 261 | MY FISH, BUDDY. |
| 262 | THERE WAS NO FISH WHEN SHE DROPPED IT OFF. |
| 263 | THIS IS UNBELIEVABLE. |
| 264 | YOU SLEEP |
| 265 | WITH MY EX-GIRLFRIEND. |
| 266 | THEN YOU INSULT MY INTELLIGENCE BY LYING ABOUT IT |
| 267 | AND THEN YOU KILL MY FISH? |
| 268 | HEY, I DIDN'T KILL YOUR FISH. |
| 269 | LOOK, EDDIE... |
| 270 | WOULD YOU LOOK AT WHAT I'M DOING HERE. |
| 271 | NOW THAT CAN'T BE SMART. |
| 272 | SO WE'RE JUST GOING TO TAKE THIS GUY RIGHT OFF YOU |
| 273 | AND PUT HIM HERE IN MR. POCKET. |
| 274 | TANGELO? |
| 275 | THAT'S IT? THAT'S THE GIANT NUMBER |
| 276 | YOU WERE AFRAID TO TELL ME? |
| 277 | WELL, YEAH. |
| 278 | WELL, THAT'S NOT BAD AT ALL. |
| 279 | YOU HAD ME THINKING IT WAS LIKE A... FLEET. |
| 280 | ARE YOU REALLY OKAY WITH IT? |
| 281 | OH, HONEY, I'M FINE. |
| 282 | OH, YAY. |
| 283 | ( sighing relief ) |
| 284 | OKAY, ABOUT THAT TWO... |
| 285 | WHAT? |
| 286 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 287 | WHAT ABOUT MY TWO? |
| 288 | WELL, THAT JUST SEEMS LIKE A REALLY SMALL NUMBER. |
| 289 | RIGHT. |
| 290 | AND..? |
| 291 | WELL, DON'T YOU HAVE A LOT OF WILD OATS TO SOW? |
| 292 | OR IS THAT WHAT YOU'RE DOING WITH ME? |
| 293 | OH, MY GOD! |
| 294 | AM I AN OAT? |
| 295 | OH, HONEY, YOU ARE NOT AN OAT. |
| 296 | I-I MEAN, I DON'T KNOW. |
| 297 | I GUESS I'M JUST NOT... AN OAT GUY. |
| 298 | I'VE ONLY SLEPT WITH WOMEN I'VE BEEN IN LOVE WITH. |
| 299 | BUT YOU'VE ONLY SLEPT WITH TWO PEOPLE. |
| 300 | ( sighs ) |
| 301 | RIGHT. |
| 302 | WOW. |
| 303 | OH, WOW. |
| 304 | YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU, TOO, RIGHT? |
| 305 | ( sighs ) |
| 306 | NOW I DO. |
| 307 | OH! ROSS... |
| 308 | PLEASE LISTEN TO ME. |
| 309 | YOU ARE SO MUCH BETTER |
| 310 | FOR ME THAN PAOLO EVER WAS. |
| 311 | YOU CARE ABOUT ME, YOU'RE LOVING |
| 312 | YOU MAKE ME LAUGH... |
| 313 | IF I MAKE YOU LAUGH, HERE'S AN IDEA: |
| 314 | WHY DON'T YOU INVITE PAOLO OVER |
| 315 | TO HAVE A LITTLE ROMP IN THE SACK |
| 316 | AND I'LL JUST STAND IN THE CORNER |
| 317 | AND TELL KNOCK-KNOCK JOKES? |
| 318 | STOP! GOD! |
| 319 | ROSS, WHAT YOU AND I HAVE |
| 320 | IS SPECIAL. |
| 321 | ALL PAOLO AND I EVER HAD WAS... |
| 322 | ANIMAL SEX? ANIMAL SEX? |
| 323 | ( groans ) |
| 324 | SO, WHAT ARE YOU SAYING? |
| 325 | YOU'RE SAYING THAT, LIKE |
| 326 | THERE'S NOTHING BETWEEN US ANIMAL AT ALL? |
| 327 | I MEAN, THERE'S NOT EVEN, LIKE, UM... A LITTLE ANIMAL? |
| 328 | NOT EVEN... NOT EVEN, LIKE, LIKE... CHIPMUNK SEX? |
| 329 | OKAY, ROSS, TRY TO HEAR ME, OKAY? |
| 330 | HEY, I'M NOT GOING TO LIE TO YOU, OKAY? |
| 331 | IT WAS GOOD WITH PAOLO... |
| 332 | KNOCK, KNOCK. |
| 333 | BUT... |
| 334 | WHAT YOU AND I HAVE IS SO MUCH BETTER, OKAY? |
| 335 | WE HAVE TENDERNESS. |
| 336 | WE HAVE INTIMACY. |
| 337 | WE CONNECT. |
| 338 | YOU KNOW, I SWEAR |
| 339 | THIS IS THE BEST I HAVE EVER HAD. |
| 340 | UNTIL NOW. |
| 341 | OH, DON'T! |
| 342 | OH, HI. |
| 343 | HI. |
| 344 | RICHARD JUST TOLD ME HE LOVED ME. |
| 345 | OH, MY GOD! I KNOW. |
| 346 | HONEY, THAT'S GREAT! |
| 347 | I KNOW. |
| 348 | I JUST CAN'T FIND... |
| 349 | THEY'RE IN THE TOP DRAWER. |
| 350 | HURRY. |
| 351 | YOU NEED ONE TOO? |
| 352 | OH... YEAH. |
| 353 | I FOUND THEM! |
| 354 | THERE'S ONLY ONE. |
| 355 | MONICA? |
| 356 | HI. |
| 357 | BE RIGHT THERE. |
| 358 | WE'RE JUST, UM.. TRYING TO DECIDE SOMETHING. |
| 359 | RACHEL? |
| 360 | ( growling ) |
| 361 | ( stops growling ) |
| 362 | HEY. |
| 363 | HEY. |
| 364 | THEY'RE JUST TRYING TO DECIDE SOMETHING. |
| 365 | OH, GOOD. GOOD, GOOD. |
| 366 | SO, IS, UM... WAS YOUR MUSTACHE |
| 367 | DID-DID IT USE TO BE DIFFERENT? |
| 368 | NO. |
| 369 | OH. |
| 370 | HOW DO YOU, YOU KNOW, KEEP IT SO NEAT? |
| 371 | I HAVE A LITTLE COMB. |
| 372 | OH. |
| 373 | AND WHAT DO YOU CALL THAT? |
| 374 | A MUSTACHE COMB. |
| 375 | INTERESTING. |
| 376 | OKAY, I-I WILL DO YOUR LAUNDRY FOR ONE MONTH. |
| 377 | NO! |
| 378 | OKAY, OKAY, OKAY! |
| 379 | I WILL-I WILL-I WILL... |
| 380 | HEY, I WILL CLEAN THE APARTMENT FOR TWO MONTHS. |
| 381 | I'LL GIVE THIS TO YOU NOW |
| 382 | IF YOU CAN TELL ME WHERE WE KEEP THE DUSTPAN. |
| 383 | ( grunting ) |
| 384 | SO, WERE YOU IN 'NAM? |
| 385 | ROCK, PAPER, SCISSORS? |
| 386 | I GOT YOU. |
| 387 | Both: ONE, TWO, THREE. |
| 388 | YES! |
| 389 | ( groans ) |
| 390 | FINE. GO HAVE SEX. |
| 391 | THANK YOU. |
| 392 | Richard: NO! YOU HAVE GOT IT COMPLETELY WRONG. |
| 393 | JOHN SAVAGE WAS DEER HUNTER, NO LEGS. |
| 394 | JON VOIGHT WAS COMING HOME, COULDN'T FEEL HIS LEGS. |
| 395 | NO WAY. |
| 396 | YOU'VE GOT IT TOTALLY |
| 397 | THE OTHER WAY AROUND, MY FRIEND. |
| 398 | JON VOIGHT... |
| 399 | HONEY. |
| 400 | WHAT? |
| 401 | ( clears throat ) |
| 402 | ( growls ) |
| 403 | SHALL WE? |
| 404 | IT'S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. |
| 405 | THEY'RE DOING IT TONIGHT. |
| 406 | WE CAN DO IT TOMORROW. |
| 407 | UH, IN THE FUTURE, IF I COULD SEE THE SCHEDULE BEFOREHAND... |
| 408 | SO, WHEN I WOKE UP THIS MORNING |
| 409 | HE'D STOLEN ALL THE INSOLES OUT OF MY SHOES. |
| 410 | WHY? |
| 411 | BECAUSE HE THINKS I SLEPT WITH HIS EX-GIRLFRIEND |
| 412 | AND KILLED HIS FISH. |
| 413 | WHY WOULD YOU KILL HIS FISH? |
| 414 | BECAUSE SOMETIMES, PHOEBE, AFTER YOU SLEEP WITH SOMEONE |
| 415 | YOU HAVE TO KILL A FISH. |
| 416 | CHANDLER, HONEY, I'M SORRY. |
| 417 | CAN WE WATCH JOEY'S SHOW NOW, PLEASE? |
| 418 | YEAH. |
| 419 | HE'S NOT HERE YET. |
| 420 | SO? HE'S ON THE SHOW. |
| 421 | HE KNOWS WHAT HAPPENS. |
| 422 | OH, I'M FINE ABOUT MY PROBLEM NOW, BY THE WAY. |
| 423 | OH, GOOD. |
| 424 | Amber... |
| 425 | I want you to know that I will always be there for you-- |
| 426 | as a friend and as your brother. |
| 427 | Oh, Drake. |
| 428 | Man: What a day, huh? |
| 429 | FIRST, THE MEDICAL AWARD, NOW THIS. |
| 430 | YEAH, SOME GUYS ARE JUST LUCKY, I GUESS. |
| 431 | P.A.: Dr. Ramoray, report to first floor Emergency, stat. |
| 432 | ( whimpers ) |
| 433 | WELL, THEN, UH... |
| 434 | I, UH... GUESS THAT'S ME. |
| 435 | ANYONE ELSE NEED TO GO ON THE ELEVATOR? |
| 436 | DR. HORTON? |
| 437 | DR. WONG? |
| 438 | NO, NO. |
| 439 | THEY ONLY SAID YOU. |
| 440 | WELL, OKAY. |
| 441 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 442 | I LOVE YOU, DRAKE. |
| 443 | YEAH, WHATEVER. |
| 444 | OH, NO! |
| 445 | DRAKE! LOOK OUT! |
| 446 | DRAKE! ( screaming ) |
| 447 | ( still screaming ) |
| 448 | DID THEY JUST KILL OFF JOEY? |
| 449 | NO. |
| 450 | ( loud thud ) |
| 451 | ( screaming stops ) |
| 452 | NOW, MAYBE. |
| 453 | Ross: COME ON! OPEN UP! |
| 454 | WE WANT TO TALK TO YOU. |
| 455 | I DON'T FEEL LIKE TALKING. |
| 456 | Rachel: COME ON, JOEY. WE CARE ABOUT YOU. |
| 457 | Chandler: WE'RE WORRIED ABOUT YOU. |
| 458 | Monica: AND SOME OF US REALLY HAVE TO PEE. |
| 459 | SORRY, JOEY. |
| 460 | HEY... |
| 461 | LISTEN, SORRY ABOUT YOUR DEATH. |
| 462 | THAT REALLY SUCKS. |
| 463 | WE CAME OVER AS SOON AS WE SAW. |
| 464 | HOW COULD YOU NOT TELL US? |
| 465 | I DON'T KNOW. I WAS... KIND OF HOPING |
| 466 | NO ONE WOULD EVER FIND OUT. |
| 467 | WELL, MAYBE THEY COULD FIND A WAY |
| 468 | TO BRING YOU BACK. |
| 469 | NAH. THEY SAID THAT WHEN THEY FOUND MY BODY |
| 470 | MY BRAIN WAS SO SMASHED IN |
| 471 | THAT THE ONLY DOCTOR WHO COULD HAVE SAVED ME WAS ME. |
| 472 | THAT'S SUPPOSED TO BE SOME KIND OF IRONY OR SOMETHING. |
| 473 | BUT, JOEY, YOU'RE GOING TO BE FINE. |
| 474 | YOU DON'T NEED THAT SHOW. |
| 475 | IT WAS JUST A DUMB SOAP OPERA. |
| 476 | PHOEBE, THIS WAS THE GREATEST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED TO ME. |
| 477 | YES. I WAS GOING TO INCORPORATE THAT. |
| 478 | OH, GOOD. HERE'S MONICA. |
| 479 | SHE'LL HAVE SOMETHING NICE TO SAY. |
| 480 | UM, I STRAIGHTENED OUT YOUR SHOWER CURTAIN |
| 481 | SO YOU WON'T GET MILDEW. |
| 482 | WHAT? TO ME, THAT'S NICE. |
| 483 | IT'S GOING TO BE OKAY. |
| 484 | YOU KNOW THAT. |
| 485 | NO, I DON'T. |
| 486 | IT'S LIKE, YOU KNOW, YOU WORK YOUR WHOLE LIFE FOR SOMETHING |
| 487 | AND YOU THINK THAT WHEN YOU GET IT |
| 488 | IT'S NEVER GOING TO BE AS GOOD AS YOU THOUGHT IT WOULD BE |
| 489 | BUT THIS SO WAS. |
| 490 | YOU KNOW, IT CHANGED EVERYTHING. |
| 491 | LIKE, THE OTHER DAY I GOT THIS CREDIT CARD APPLICATION |
| 492 | AND I WAS PRE-APPROVED. |
| 493 | I'VE NEVER BEEN PRE-APPROVED FOR ANYTHING IN MY LIFE. |
| 494 | I'M SORRY, MAN. |
| 495 | YEAH. JOEY, HONEY, I DON'T KNOW |
| 496 | IF THIS WILL MEAN ANYTHING TO YOU |
| 497 | BUT YOU'LL ALWAYS BE PRE-APPROVED WITH US. |
| 498 | NO, THAT MEANS NOTHING TO ME. |
| 499 | ( gasps ) |
| 500 | PECAN SANDIE? JUST MADE THEM. |
| 501 | YEAH, ALL RIGHT. |
| 502 | WHAT ARE THESE, RAISINS? |
| 503 | UH... SURE. WHY NOT? |
| 504 | LISTEN, EDDIE, UH... |
| 505 | ( clears throat ) |
| 506 | I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT OUR CURRENT LIVING SITUATION |
| 507 | AND, UH... WHY ARE YOU SMILING? |
| 508 | I GOT A LITTLE SURPRISE. |
| 509 | LOOK, I GOT US A NEW FISHIE. |
| 510 | I NAMED HIM, UH... |
| 511 | "CHANDLER," YOU KNOW, AFTER... AFTER YOU. |
| 512 | WELL, THAT'S NOT EVEN A REAL FISH. |
| 513 | YOU KNOW, THAT'S A GOLDFISH CRACKER. |
| 514 | SO, WHAT'S YOUR POINT, MAN? |
| 515 | OKAY, GOOD NIGHT... |
| 516 | YOU BIG, FREAK OF NATURE. |
| 517 | ( door closes ) |
| 518 | ( gasping ) |
| 519 | HEY. |
| 520 | HEY. |
| 521 | HEY. |
| 522 | HEY. |
| 523 | OOH. |
| 524 | BRISK TONIGHT. |
| 525 | OH, MAN. |
| 526 | LET'S NEVER SPEAK OF THIS. |
| 527 | YOU GOT IT. |
| 528 | Captioned by The Caption Center WGBH Educational Foundation] |
| 529 | |
| 1 | HEY, EDDIE. |
| 2 | ( screams ) |
| 3 | WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? |
| 4 | NOTHING, ROOMIE-- JUST WATCHING |
| 5 | YOU SLEEP. |
| 6 | WHY? |
| 7 | IT MAKES ME FEEL, UM... PEACEFUL. |
| 8 | ( chuckles ): PLEASE. |
| 9 | I CAN'T SLEEP NOW. |
| 10 | YOU WANT ME TO SING? |
| 11 | NO. |
| 12 | LOOK, THAT'S IT. IT'S OVER. |
| 13 | I WANT YOU OUT. |
| 14 | I WANT YOU OUT OF THE APARTMENT NOW. |
| 15 | WHOA. WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, MAN? |
| 16 | HANNIBAL LECTER? |
| 17 | BETTER ROOMMATE THAN YOU. |
| 18 | NO, NO, SEE, NOW I DON'T THINK YOU'RE BEING FAIR. |
| 19 | ONE NIGHT YOU SEE ME AND YOU GET SCARED. |
| 20 | WHAT ABOUT ALL THE OTHER NIGHTS |
| 21 | WHEN YOU DON'T SEE ME, HUH? |
| 22 | WHAT ABOUT LAST NIGHT WHEN YOU GOT SOME WATER |
| 23 | AND I WAS NICE ENOUGH TO HIDE BEHIND THE DOOR? |
| 24 | WHAT'S THAT ABOUT, HUH? |
| 25 | I DIDN'T REALIZE THAT. |
| 26 | YEAH. HUH. |
| 27 | GET OUT NOW! |
| 28 | OKAY. YOU REALLY WANT ME OUT. |
| 29 | YES, PLEASE. |
| 30 | OKAY, THEN I WANT TO HEAR YOU SAY YOU WANT ME OUT. |
| 31 | I WANT YOU OUT. |
| 32 | I WANT TO HEAR IT FROM YOUR LIPS. |
| 33 | WHERE DID YOU HEAR IT FROM BEFORE?! |
| 34 | ALL RIGHT! ALL RIGHT. PALLY, I UNDERSTAND. |
| 35 | CONSIDER ME GONE. |
| 36 | YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 37 | I'LL BE OUT BY THE TIME |
| 38 | YOU GET HOME FROM WORK TOMORROW. |
| 39 | I HEARD THAT. |
| 40 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 41 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 42 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 43 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 44 | ♪ WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY ♪ |
| 45 | ♪ YOUR WEEK, YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 46 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 47 | ♪ WHEN THE RAIN STARTS TO POUR ♪ |
| 48 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 49 | ♪ LIKE I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE ♪ |
| 50 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 51 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME TOO. ♪ |
| 52 | THANKS. |
| 53 | HEY. |
| 54 | HEY. HEY. |
| 55 | WELL, LOOK AT YOU. |
| 56 | FINALLY GOT THAT TIME MACHINE |
| 57 | WORKING, HUH? |
| 58 | YOU LIKE IT? |
| 59 | THIS GUY WAS SELLING THEM ON EIGHTH AVENUE |
| 60 | AND I LOOKED AT THEM AND I THOUGHT |
| 61 | "YOU KNOW WHAT I DON'T HAVE?" |
| 62 | A MIRROR? |
| 63 | FINE. MAKE FUN. |
| 64 | I THINK IT'S JAUNTY. |
| 65 | WOW, FOR A GUY WHO'S RECENTLY LOST HIS JOB |
| 66 | YOU'RE IN AN AWFULLY GOOD MOOD. |
| 67 | HEY, I'LL BE ALL RIGHT. |
| 68 | I MEAN, IT'S NOT LIKE I'M STARTING FROM SQUARE ONE. |
| 69 | I WAS DR. DRAKE RAMORAY ON DAYS OF OUR LIVES. |
| 70 | I MEAN, THAT'S GOT TO HAVE SOME KIND OF CACHE. |
| 71 | "CACHE"? "JAUNTY"? |
| 72 | CHANDLER GAVE ME WORD-OF-THE-DAY TOILET PAPER. |
| 73 | OH. |
| 74 | I'M GOING TO GET SOME COFFEE. |
| 75 | HEY. |
| 76 | Monica: HEY. |
| 77 | OOH! SO, SO, SO, DID YOU READ THE BOOK? |
| 78 | OH, MY GOD. IT WAS INCREDIBLE. |
| 79 | DIDN'T IT LIKE SPEAK TO YOU? |
| 80 | WHOA, WHOA. |
| 81 | WHAT BOOK IS THIS? |
| 82 | RACHEL, YOU HAVE TO READ THIS BOOK. |
| 83 | IT'S CALLED BE YOUR OWN WIND-KEEPER. |
| 84 | IT'S ABOUT HOW WOMEN NEED TO BECOME MORE EMPOWERED. |
| 85 | YEAH, AND OH! |
| 86 | AND BUT THERE'S WIND... |
| 87 | AND THE WIND |
| 88 | CAN MAKE US GODDESSES |
| 89 | BUT DO YOU KNOW WHO TAKES OUR WIND? |
| 90 | MEN. THEY JUST TAKE IT. |
| 91 | THE... |
| 92 | MEN JUST TAKE OUR WIND. |
| 93 | YUH-HUH. ALL THE TIME |
| 94 | CAUSE THEY ARE THE LIGHTNING BEARERS. |
| 95 | WOW. |
| 96 | WELL, THAT SOUNDS KIND OF COOL. |
| 97 | IT'S KIND OF LIKE THE HOBBIT. |
| 98 | IT IS NOTHING LIKE THE HOBBIT. |
| 99 | GOD, IT'S LIKE READING ABOUT EVERY RELATIONSHIP |
| 100 | I'VE EVER HAD... |
| 101 | EXCEPT FOR RICHARD. |
| 102 | NO. RICHARD WOULD NEVER STEAL YOUR WIND. |
| 103 | NO. |
| 104 | HE'S YUMMY. |
| 105 | YES. |
| 106 | BUT ALL THE OTHER ONES... |
| 107 | OH, YES. AND THE PART ABOUT |
| 108 | HOW THEY'RE ALWAYS DRINKING FROM OUR POOL OF INNER POWER |
| 109 | BUT GOD FORBID WE SHOULD TAKE A SIP. |
| 110 | ANYBODY WANT A CRULLER? |
| 111 | OKAY. |
| 112 | THIS IS A TYPICAL LIGHTNING-BEARER THING. |
| 113 | RIGHT THERE. |
| 114 | IT'S LIKE, UM... |
| 115 | "HELLO. WHO WANTS ONE OF MY PHALLIC-SHAPED MAN CAKES?" |
| 116 | Woman: DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT ALREADY. |
| 117 | THINGS HAPPEN. |
| 118 | SO YOU'RE NOT MAD AT ME |
| 119 | FOR GETTING FIRED AND EVERYTHING? |
| 120 | JOEY, LOOK AT ME. |
| 121 | LOOK AT ME! |
| 122 | DO I HAVE LIPSTICK ON MY TEETH? |
| 123 | NO. |
| 124 | CAN WE GET BACK TO ME? |
| 125 | LOOK, HONEY, PEOPLE GET FIRED LEFT AND RIGHT IN THIS BUSINESS. |
| 126 | I ALREADY GOT YOU AN AUDITION FOR ANOTHER WORLD. |
| 127 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 128 | "CAB DRIVER NUMBER TWO"? |
| 129 | YOU'RE WELCOME. |
| 130 | BUT I WAS DR. DRAKE RAMORAY. |
| 131 | HOW CAN I GO |
| 132 | FROM BEING A NEUROSURGEON TO DRIVING A CAB? |
| 133 | THINGS CHANGE. |
| 134 | ROLL WITH THEM. |
| 135 | BUT THIS IS A TWO-LINE PART. |
| 136 | THAT'S LIKE TAKING A STEP BACKWARDS. |
| 137 | I'M NOT GOING TO DO THIS. |
| 138 | JOEY! |
| 139 | I'M GOING TO TELL YOU THE SAME THING |
| 140 | I TOLD AL MINZER AND HIS PYRAMID OF DOGS. |
| 141 | TAKE ANY JOB YOU CAN GET AND DON'T MAKE ON THE FLOOR. |
| 142 | I'M SORRY. |
| 143 | I'LL SEE YOU. |
| 144 | OH... GOD! |
| 145 | OH, GOD! |
| 146 | I MEAN, IT'S JUST SO... |
| 147 | ISN'T IT? |
| 148 | I MEAN, THIS IS LIKE READING ABOUT MY OWN LIFE. |
| 149 | I MEAN, THIS BOOK COULD HAVE BEEN CALLED |
| 150 | BE YOUR OWN WIND-KEEPER, RACHEL. |
| 151 | YEAH, I DON'T THINK IT WOULD HAVE SOLD A MILLION COPIES |
| 152 | BUT IT WOULD HAVE MADE A NICE GIFT FOR YOU. |
| 153 | HEY, YOU GUYS. |
| 154 | UH, SWEETIE, WE'VE GOT TO GO. |
| 155 | NO! |
| 156 | NO? |
| 157 | NO. WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING |
| 158 | ACCORDING TO YOUR TIMETABLE? |
| 159 | ACTUALLY, IT'S THE MOVIE THEATER THAT HAS THE TIMETABLE. |
| 160 | IT'S SO YOU DON'T MISS THE BEGINNING. |
| 161 | NO. SEE, THIS ISN'T ABOUT THE MOVIE THEATER. |
| 162 | THIS IS ABOUT YOU STEALING MY WIND. |
| 163 | YOU GO, GIRL! |
| 164 | I CAN'T PULL THAT OFF, CAN I? |
| 165 | EXCUSE ME, YOUR... |
| 166 | YOUR-- YOUR WIND? |
| 167 | YES. MY WIND. |
| 168 | HOW DO YOU EXPECT ME TO GROW IF YOU WON'T LET ME BLOW? |
| 169 | YOU KNOW I-I DON'T HAVE A... |
| 170 | HAVE A, A PROBLEM... WITH THAT. |
| 171 | OKAY. |
| 172 | I JUST... I JUST REALLY NEED TO BE |
| 173 | WITH MYSELF RIGHT NOW. |
| 174 | I'M SORRY. |
| 175 | MM-MM-MM. |
| 176 | UH, YOU'RE RIGHT. |
| 177 | I DON'T HAVE TO APOLOGIZE. |
| 178 | SORRY. |
| 179 | DAMN IT! |
| 180 | I DON'T KNOW. |
| 181 | IT'S GOT ALL THIS STUFF ABOUT WIND AND TREES. |
| 182 | THERE'S SOME KIND OF SACRED POOL. |
| 183 | I DON'T REALLY GET IT |
| 184 | BUT SHE'S PRETTY UPSET ABOUT IT. |
| 185 | SEE, THIS IS WHY I DON'T DATE WOMEN WHO READ. |
| 186 | UH-OH. |
| 187 | WHAT? WHAT'S THAT? |
| 188 | IT'S MY VISA BILL. |
| 189 | ENVELOPE ONE OF TWO. |
| 190 | THAT CAN'T BE GOOD. |
| 191 | OPEN IT. OPEN IT. |
| 192 | OH, MY GOD! |
| 193 | WHOA! |
| 194 | LOOK AT THIS. |
| 195 | HOW DID I SPEND SO MUCH MONEY? |
| 196 | THAT'S JUST THE MINIMUM AMOUNT DUE. |
| 197 | THAT'S YOUR TOTAL DUE. |
| 198 | AAH! |
| 199 | WHAT? WHOA, WHOA. |
| 200 | $3,500 AT "PORCELAIN SAFARI"? |
| 201 | MY ANIMALS. |
| 202 | THE GUY SAID THEY SUITED ME. |
| 203 | HE SPOKE WITH AN ACCENT. |
| 204 | I WAS CONFUSED. |
| 205 | I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. |
| 206 | YOU CAN START BY DRIVING A CAB ON ANOTHER WORLD. |
| 207 | WHAT? |
| 208 | THAT AUDITION? |
| 209 | THAT'S A TWO-LINE PART. |
| 210 | JOEY, YOU OWE $1,100 AT "I LOVE LUCITE." |
| 211 | SO WHAT? |
| 212 | SO, SUCK IT UP, MAN. |
| 213 | IT'S A JOB. |
| 214 | HEY, I DON'T NEED YOU |
| 215 | GETTING ALL JUDGMENTAL AND CONDESCENDING AND PEDANTIC. |
| 216 | TOILET PAPER? |
| 217 | YEAH. |
| 218 | LOOK, I'M NOT BEING ANY OF THOSE THINGS. |
| 219 | OKAY? |
| 220 | I'M JUST BEING REALISTIC. |
| 221 | YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE MY FRIEND. |
| 222 | I AM. |
| 223 | THEN TELL ME THINGS LIKE, "JOEY, YOU'LL BE FINE" |
| 224 | AND "SOMETHING BIG'S GOING TO COME ALONG. I KNOW IT." |
| 225 | BUT I DON'T KNOW IT. |
| 226 | WHAT I DO KNOW IS THAT YOU OWE $2,300 |
| 227 | AT "ISN'T IT CHROME-ANTIC?" |
| 228 | HEY, ROSS, I'M AWARE OF WHAT I OWE. |
| 229 | WELL, THEN, GET SOME SENSE. |
| 230 | IT TOOK YOU, WHAT, TEN YEARS TO GET THAT JOB? |
| 231 | HOW LONG TILL YOU GET ANOTHER? |
| 232 | I DON'T WANT TO HEAR THIS. |
| 233 | I'M JUST SAYING... |
| 234 | WELL, DON'T... JUST SAY. |
| 235 | YOU KNOW, MAYBE I SHOULD JUST GO. |
| 236 | OKAY. |
| 237 | OKAY. |
| 238 | I'LL SEE YOU LATER. |
| 239 | YOU JUST THINK ABOUT IT, OKAY? |
| 240 | I DON'T NEED |
| 241 | TO THINK ABOUT IT. |
| 242 | I WAS DR. DRAKE RAMORAY! |
| 243 | THAT WAS HUGE. |
| 244 | BIG THINGS ARE GOING TO HAPPEN. |
| 245 | YOU'LL SEE. |
| 246 | ROSS? |
| 247 | YOU STILL THERE? |
| 248 | ( sighs ) |
| 249 | HEY, PALLY! |
| 250 | OH, GOD! |
| 251 | EDDIE, WHAT ARE YOU STILL DOING HERE? |
| 252 | AH, JUST SOME BASIC DEHYDRATING OF A FEW FRUITS AND VEGETABLES. |
| 253 | MAN ALIVE! THIS THING'S FANTASTIC! |
| 254 | LOOK, EDDIE, AREN'T YOU FORGETTING ANYTHING? |
| 255 | YEAH. I GOT US A NEW GOLDFISH. |
| 256 | HE'S A LOT FEISTIER THAN THE LAST ONE. |
| 257 | MAYBE 'CAUSE THE LAST ONE WAS MADE BY PEPPERIDGE FARM. |
| 258 | LOOK, EDDIE, ISN'T THERE SOMETHING ELSE |
| 259 | YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE DOING RIGHT NOW? |
| 260 | WELL, NOT UNLESS IT'S GOT SOMETHING |
| 261 | TO DO WITH DEHYDRATING, MY MAN |
| 262 | 'CAUSE RIGHT NOW, I'M A DEHYDRATING MANIAC! |
| 263 | YES, YES... |
| 264 | LOOK, YOU HAVE TO HELP ME OUT HERE. |
| 265 | I THOUGHT WE HAD A DEAL. |
| 266 | UH-UH. |
| 267 | YOU KNOW WHAT THAT IS? |
| 268 | YOUR LAST ROOMMATE'S KIDNEY? |
| 269 | NO, MAN. |
| 270 | THAT'S A... THAT'S A TOMATO. |
| 271 | THIS ONE DEFINITELY GOES IN THE DISPLAY. |
| 272 | ( squeaking laugh ) |
| 273 | ( sobbing ) |
| 274 | HEY, GUNTHER, LET ME GET A, UH, LEMONADE TO GO. |
| 275 | LEMONADE? |
| 276 | YOU OKAY, MAN? |
| 277 | CAREER STUFF-- I DON'T KNOW IF YOU HEARD |
| 278 | BUT THEY'VE KILLED OFF MY CHARACTER ON THE SHOW. |
| 279 | AW, THAT'S TOO BAD. |
| 280 | HOW'D THEY DO IT? |
| 281 | I FELL DOWN AN ELEVATOR SHAFT. |
| 282 | AW, THAT SUCKS. |
| 283 | I WAS BURIED IN AN AVALANCHE. |
| 284 | WHAT? |
| 285 | I USED TO BE "BRYCE" ON ALL MY CHILDREN. |
| 286 | ( screams ) |
| 287 | ( screams ) |
| 288 | WHY MUST EVERYBODY WATCH ME SLEEP? |
| 289 | THERE'LL BE NO MORE WATCHING ME SLEEP. |
| 290 | NO MORE... WATCHING! |
| 291 | I WA... |
| 292 | NO! |
| 293 | HEY, MAN, I GOT SOME |
| 294 | GREAT STUFF TO DEHYDRATE. |
| 295 | I GOT SOME GRAPES |
| 296 | GOT SOME APRICOTS. |
| 297 | I THOUGHT IT'D BE REALLY COOL TO SEE WHAT HAPPENS |
| 298 | WITH THESE WATER BALLOONS. |
| 299 | GET OUT, GET OUT, GET OUT, GET OUT! |
| 300 | WHAT? |
| 301 | YOU-- |
| 302 | MOVE OUT. |
| 303 | TAKE YOUR FRUIT-- YOUR STUPID SMALL FRUIT-- |
| 304 | AND GET OUT! |
| 305 | YOU WANT... YOU WANT ME TO MOVE OUT? |
| 306 | UH-HUH. |
| 307 | I, UH... |
| 308 | I GOT TO TELL YOU, MAN. |
| 309 | I MEAN, THAT'S KIND OF OUT OF THE BLUE, DON'T YOU THINK? |
| 310 | THIS IS NOT OUT OF THE BLUE. |
| 311 | THIS IS SMACK-DAB IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BLUE! |
| 312 | WHOA! |
| 313 | RELAX. TAKE IT EASY, BUDDY. |
| 314 | DON'T HAVE TO TELL ME TWICE. |
| 315 | YOU WANT ME TO GO? |
| 316 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 317 | SOMEONE'LL BE BY FOR MY STUFF. |
| 318 | IF YOU THINK FOR ONE SECOND I'M LEAVING YOU ALONE WITH MY FISH |
| 319 | YOU'RE INSANE, JACK! |
| 320 | YOU WANT SOME HELP? |
| 321 | NO, NO, NO. |
| 322 | NO HELP REQUIRED, CHICO. |
| 323 | ALL THE WAY TO AIRPORT, HUH? |
| 324 | YOU KNOW, THAT'S OVER 30 MILES. |
| 325 | THAT'S GOING TO COST YOU ABOUT SO BUCKS. |
| 326 | EXCUSE ME. THAT'S 50 BUCKS. |
| 327 | WHAT? |
| 328 | 5-0... DOLLARS. |
| 329 | OH. YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS? |
| 330 | IT'S SMUDGY 'CAUSE THEY'RE FAX PAGES. |
| 331 | NOW WHEN I WAS ON DAYS OF OUR LIVES |
| 332 | AS DR. DRAKE RAMORAY... |
| 333 | THEY'D SEND OVER |
| 334 | THE WHOLE SCRIPT ON REAL PAPER AND EVERYTHING. |
| 335 | THAT'S GREAT. |
| 336 | SO YOU KNOW, IF YOU WANTED TO EXPAND THIS SCENE |
| 337 | LIKE HAVE THE CAB CRASH OR SOMETHING |
| 338 | I COULD ATTEND TO THE VICTIMS |
| 339 | 'CAUSE I HAVE A BACKGROUND IN MEDICAL ACTING. |
| 340 | OKAY, LISTEN, THANKS FOR COMING IN. |
| 341 | NO, NO. DON'T THANK ME FOR COMING IN. |
| 342 | UH, LEAST LET ME FINISH. |
| 343 | UH... WE COULD TAKE THE EXPRESSWAY |
| 344 | BUT, UH, THIS TIME OF DAY |
| 345 | YOU'RE BETTER OFF TAKING THE BUDGE. |
| 346 | YOU WERE GOING FOR "BRIDGE" THERE, WEREN'T YOU? |
| 347 | YEAH. |
| 348 | I'LL HAVE A GOOD DAY. |
| 349 | OKAY, QUESTION NUMBER 28: |
| 350 | "HAVE YOU EVER ALLOWED A LIGHTNING BEARER |
| 351 | TO TAKE YOUR WIND?" |
| 352 | I WOULD HAVE TO SAY NO. |
| 353 | AND I WOULD HAVE TO SAY PA-HA! |
| 354 | WHAT? |
| 355 | DO YOU NOT REMEMBER THE PUPPET GUY? |
| 356 | YEAH. YOU LIKE TOTALLY LET HIM WASH HIS FEET |
| 357 | IN THE POOL OF YOUR INNER POWER. |
| 358 | AND HIS PUPPET TOO. |
| 359 | YEAH, WELL, AT LEAST I DIDN'T LET SOME GUY |
| 360 | INTO THE FOREST OF MY RIGHTEOUS TRUTH ON THE FIRST DATE. |
| 361 | WHO?! |
| 362 | PAUL! |
| 363 | OH! |
| 364 | OKAY, OKAY, OKAY. MOVING ON, MOVING ON. |
| 365 | NEXT QUESTION: |
| 366 | OKAY, NUMBER 29: |
| 367 | "HAVE YOU EVER BETRAYED ANOTHER GODDESS... |
| 368 | FOR A LIGHTNING BEARER?" |
| 369 | OKAY, NUMBER 30. |
| 370 | WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. |
| 371 | LET'S GO BACK TO 29. |
| 372 | NOT, UH... |
| 373 | ( coughs ) |
| 374 | NOT TO... MY RECOLLECTION. |
| 375 | ( gasps ) |
| 376 | ALL RIGHT, DANNY ARSHACK, NINTH GRADE. |
| 377 | YOU KNOW THE BOTTLE WAS TOTALLY POINTING AT ME. |
| 378 | ONLY 'CAUSE YOU TOOK UP HALF THE CIRCLE. |
| 379 | ( gasps ) |
| 380 | LISTEN TO YOU TWO. |
| 381 | IT'S SO SAD. OH. |
| 382 | WELL, LOOKS LIKE I'M GOING TO BE GOING |
| 383 | TO THE GODDESS MEETINGS ALONE. |
| 384 | YEAH, WELL |
| 385 | NOT WHEN THEY FIND OUT YOU SLEPT WITH |
| 386 | JASON HURLEY AN HOUR AFTER HE BROKE UP WITH MONICA. |
| 387 | ONE HOUR?! |
| 388 | YOU ARE SUCH A LEAF BLOWER! |
| 389 | AAH! |
| 390 | Rachel: OH! |
| 391 | OOH! |
| 392 | OH, HEY, BE CAREFUL WITH THAT 3-D "LAST SUPPER." |
| 393 | JUDAS IS A LITTLE LOOSE. |
| 394 | OH, MY GOD. WHAT'S GOING ON? |
| 395 | THEY'RE TAKING ALL MY STUFF BACK. |
| 396 | I GUESS YOU WERE RIGHT. |
| 397 | NO, LOOK, I WASN'T RIGHT. |
| 398 | THAT'S WHAT I CAME HERE TO TELL YOU. |
| 399 | I... I WAS TOTALLY HUNG UP |
| 400 | ON MY OWN STUFF THE OTHER DAY. |
| 401 | LISTEN. I'M SOMEONE WHO NEEDS |
| 402 | THE WHOLE SECURITY THING, YOU KNOW? |
| 403 | TO KNOW EXACTLY WHERE MY NEXT PAYCHECK IS COMING FROM |
| 404 | BUT YOU DON'T NEED THAT. |
| 405 | AND THAT'S AMAZING TO ME. |
| 406 | I COULD NEVER DO WHAT YOU DO, JOEY. |
| 407 | THANKS, ROSS. |
| 408 | YOU SHOULD HOLD OUT FOR SOMETHING BIGGER. |
| 409 | I CAN'T TELL YOU HOW MUCH I RESPECT YOU |
| 410 | FOR NOT GOING TO THAT STUPID CAB DRIVER AUDITION. |
| 411 | I WENT. |
| 412 | GREAT! HOW DID IT GO? |
| 413 | I DIDN'T GET IT. |
| 414 | GOOD FOR YOU! WHAT? |
| 415 | YOU'RE LIVING THE DREAM. |
| 416 | HUH? |
| 417 | ALL RIGHT THEN. |
| 418 | OH, NOT MY PARROT. |
| 419 | WHAT? |
| 420 | I CAN'T WATCH THIS. |
| 421 | HEY, HOLD ON, HOLD ON. |
| 422 | HOW MUCH FOR THE, UH... |
| 423 | HOW MUCH TO SAVE THE BIRD? |
| 424 | 1,200. |
| 425 | DOLLARS? |
| 426 | YOU SPENT $1,200 ON A PLASTIC BIRD? |
| 427 | UH, UH, IT WAS AN IMPULSE BUY-- NEAR THE REGISTER. |
| 428 | GO AHEAD. GO AHEAD WITH THE BIRD. |
| 429 | IT'S OKAY. |
| 430 | DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING FOR AROUND 200? |
| 431 | UH... |
| 432 | THE DOG. |
| 433 | HUH? |
| 434 | YEAH. |
| 435 | I'LL TAKE IT. |
| 436 | MY GIFT TO YOU, MAN. |
| 437 | THANKS, ROSS. |
| 438 | YEAH. |
| 439 | I REALLY LIKE THAT BIRD THOUGH. |
| 440 | BUT THE DOG-- OH... |
| 441 | YEAH, RIGHT. |
| 442 | HERE ARE YOUR CAKES. |
| 443 | WE DIDN'T ORDER CAKE. |
| 444 | NO, I KNOW. |
| 445 | THEY'RE FROM ME. |
| 446 | LOOK, YOU GUYS, THIS IS NOT GOOD. |
| 447 | WE HAVE ENOUGH TROUBLE WITH GUYS STEALING OUR WIND |
| 448 | WITHOUT TAKING IT FROM EACH OTHER. |
| 449 | YOU'RE RIGHT. |
| 450 | I LOVE YOU, GODDESSES. |
| 451 | WE LOVE YOU. |
| 452 | I DON'T EVER WANT TO SUCK YOUR WIND AGAIN. |
| 453 | OH... |
| 454 | THANK YOU. |
| 455 | SO ARE WE GOOD? |
| 456 | WE'RE GOOD. |
| 457 | WE'RE GOOD? |
| 458 | LET ME TAKE THESE CAKES BACK |
| 459 | 'CAUSE THEY'RE GOING TO TAKE THAT |
| 460 | OUT OF MY PAYCHECK. |
| 461 | DING-DONG, THE PSYCHO'S GONE. |
| 462 | ARE YOU SURE THIS TIME? |
| 463 | YES, I ACTUALLY SAW HIM LEAVE. |
| 464 | THAT GUY IS STANDING IN THE WINDOW HOLDING A HUMAN HEAD. |
| 465 | HE IS STANDING IN THE WINDOW HOLDING A HUMAN HEAD! |
| 466 | HEY, CHECK IT OUT, MAN. |
| 467 | I TORE IT OFF SOME MANNEQUIN IN THE ALLEY BEHIND MACY'S. |
| 468 | THERE IS NO ALLEY BEHIND MACY'S. |
| 469 | SO I GOT IT IN THE JUNIOR MISS |
| 470 | DEPARTMENT-- BIG DIF. |
| 471 | IT'S GOING TO MAKE A HELL OF A CONVERSATION PIECE |
| 472 | AT OUR NEXT COCKTAIL PARTY, HUH? |
| 473 | OUR NEXT COCKTAIL PARTY? |
| 474 | YEAH, YOU KNOW-- PUT CHIPS IN IT. |
| 475 | WE'LL MAKE IT LIKE A CHIP CHICK. |
| 476 | EDDIE, DO YOU REMEMBER YESTERDAY? |
| 477 | UH, YES, I THINK I VAGUELY RECALL. |
| 478 | ( clearing throat ) |
| 479 | DO YOU REMEMBER TALKING TO ME YESTERDAY? |
| 480 | UH, YES. |
| 481 | SO WHAT HAPPENED? |
| 482 | WE TOOK A ROAD TRIP TO LAS VEGAS, MAN. |
| 483 | OH, SWEET MOSES. |
| 484 | SO ON THIS |
| 485 | ROAD TRIP, DID YOU GUYS WIN ANY MONEY? |
| 486 | NAH, I CRAPPED OUT |
| 487 | BUT MR. 21 OVER HERE, HE CLEANS UP! |
| 488 | 300 BUCKS! HE BUYS ME THESE NEW SHOES. |
| 489 | NICE. |
| 490 | YEAH. |
| 491 | SEE YOU UPSTAIRS. SEE YOU, PALS. |
| 492 | IS ANYONE ELSE STARTING TO REALLY LIKE HIM? |
| 493 | OH, NO... |
| 494 | MAY I HELP YOU? |
| 495 | WHY DOESN'T MY KEY WORK |
| 496 | AND WHAT'S ALL MY STUFF DOING DOWNSTAIRS? |
| 497 | OH, I'M SORRY. |
| 498 | UH... |
| 499 | HAVE WE MET? |
| 500 | IT'S EDDIE, YOU FREAK, YOUR ROOMMATE. |
| 501 | I'M SORRY. I, UH... |
| 502 | I ALREADY HAVE A ROOMMATE. |
| 503 | HELLO. |
| 504 | YEAH. HE'S LIVED HERE FOR YEARS. |
| 505 | I DON'T... |
| 506 | I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT, MAN. |
| 507 | NO, NO, 'CAUSE, UH... |
| 508 | NO, HE.. HE MOVED OUT... |
| 509 | AND I MOVED IN. |
| 510 | WELL, I... |
| 511 | I THINK WE'D REMEMBER SOMETHING LIKE THAT. |
| 512 | I KNOW I WOULD. |
| 513 | OH, THAT'S A... THAT'S A GOOD POINT. |
| 514 | UM... OKAY. |
| 515 | WOW. I GUESS I GOT THE WRONG... APARTMENT THEN. |
| 516 | I'M... |
| 517 | LOOK, I'M... YOU KNOW, I'M SORRY. |
| 518 | HEY, NO PROBLEM. |
| 519 | SEE YA. |
| 520 | GOOD-BYE, YOU FRUIT-DRYING PSYCHOPATH. |
| 521 | SO, YOU WANT ME TO HELP YOU UNPACK YOUR STUFF? |
| 522 | NAH, NAH, I'M OKAY. |
| 523 | OH, AND, UH... |
| 524 | JUST SO YOU KNOW |
| 525 | I'M NOT MOVING BACK IN BECAUSE I HAVE TO. |
| 526 | I MEAN, I DO HAVE TO, BUT... |
| 527 | IT'S JUST THAT THAT PLACE, IT WASN'T REALLY... |
| 528 | I MEAN, THIS IS... |
| 529 | WELCOME HOME, MAN. |
| 530 | A LITTLE FOOS? |
| 531 | ABSOLUTELY. |
| 532 | WHAT HAPPENED TO THE FOOSBALL? |
| 533 | UH, IT'S A CANTALOUPE. |
| 534 | WILL WE HAVE TO BRING THIS OUT |
| 535 | EVERY TIME ROSS COMES OVER? |
| 536 | HE PAID A LOT OF MONEY FOR IT. |
| 537 | I'M GOING TO HOLD HIM A DIFFERENT WAY. |
| 538 | LOOK, I DON'T UNDERSTAND. |
| 539 | IF YOU HATED IT SO MUCH |
| 540 | WHY DID YOU BUY IT IN THE FIRST PLACE? |
| 541 | I HAD A WHOLE CERAMIC ZOO THING GOING OVER THERE, BUT... |
| 542 | NOW WITHOUT THE OTHER ONES, IT JUST LOOKS TACKY. |
| 543 | SO IS HE HOUSE TRAINED, OR IS HE GOING TO LEAVE |
| 544 | LITTLE BATHROOM TILES ALL OVER |
| 545 | THE PLACE? |
| 546 | STAY. |
| 547 | UH, STAY. GOOD FAKE DOG. |
| 548 | |
| 1 | HEY. |
| 2 | WHAT YOU GUYS DOING? |
| 3 | MONICA'S MAKING US WATCH OLD YELLER. |
| 4 | WHY ARE YOU GUYS SO UPSET? |
| 5 | IT'S OLD YELLER. IT'S A HAPPY MOVIE. |
| 6 | WHAT? WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? |
| 7 | COME ON. |
| 8 | HAPPY FAMILY GETS A DOG. |
| 9 | FRONTIER FUN. |
| 10 | YEAH, BUT, PHEEBS, WHAT ABOUT THE END? |
| 11 | WHEN YELLER SAVES THE FAMILY FROM THE WOLF |
| 12 | AND EVERYONE'S HAPPY? |
| 13 | THAT'S NOT THE END. |
| 14 | YUH-HUH. THAT'S WHEN MY MOTHER |
| 15 | WOULD SHUT OFF THE TV AND SAY "THE END." |
| 16 | WHAT ABOUT THE PART WHERE HE HAS RABIES? |
| 17 | HE DOESN'T HAVE RABIES. HE HAS BABIES. |
| 18 | THAT'S WHAT MY MOM SAID. |
| 19 | UH, PHOEBE, I DON'T THINK YOUR MOM |
| 20 | WOULD WANT YOU TO SEE WHAT'S ABOUT TO HAPPEN. |
| 21 | WHY? WHAT'S ABOUT TO HAPPEN? |
| 22 | I'VE NEVER SEEN THIS PART BEFORE. |
| 23 | HEY, TRAVIS, WHATCHA DOING WITH THAT GUN? |
| 24 | OH, NO. |
| 25 | NO, NO, TRAVIS, PUT DOWN THE GUN. |
| 26 | NO, NO, NO, HE'S YOUR BUDDY. |
| 27 | HE'S YOUR YELLER. NO. |
| 28 | NO, NO. THE END! THE END! |
| 29 | ( gunshot echoes ) |
| 30 | OKAY, WHAT KIND OF A SICK DOGGIE SNUFF FILM IS THIS?! |
| 31 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 32 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 33 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 34 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 35 | ♪ WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY ♪ |
| 36 | ♪ YOUR WEEK, YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 37 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 38 | ♪ WHEN THE RAIN STARTS TO POUR ♪ |
| 39 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 40 | ♪ LIKE I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE ♪ |
| 41 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 42 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME TOO. ♪ |
| 43 | HEY, HAVE YOU GUYS EATEN? |
| 44 | BECAUSE RICHARD AND I JUST FINISHED |
| 45 | AND WE'VE GOT LEFTOVERS. |
| 46 | CHICKEN AND POTATOES. |
| 47 | WHAT AM I WEARING? |
| 48 | ACTUALLY, NOTHING BUT RUBBER GLOVES. |
| 49 | ONE OF THESE TIMES, YOU'RE GOING TO REALLY BE NAKED |
| 50 | AND WE'RE NOT GOING TO COME OVER. |
| 51 | ALL RIGHT, I'VE GOT A LEG, THREE BREASTS, AND A WING. |
| 52 | HOW DO YOU FIND CLOTHES THAT FIT? |
| 53 | OH, HEY, MONICA, WE GOT A QUESTION. |
| 54 | ALL RIGHT, FOR THE ZILLIONTH TIME |
| 55 | YES, I SEE OTHER WOMEN IN THE SHOWER AT THE GYM |
| 56 | AND, NO, I DON'T LOOK. |
| 57 | NO, NOT THAT ONE. WE'RE TRYING TO FIGURE OUT |
| 58 | WHO TO BRING TO THE KNICKS GAME TONIGHT. |
| 59 | WE HAVE AN EXTRA TICKET. YEAH, ROSS CAN'T GO. |
| 60 | SO IT'S BETWEEN MY FRIEND ERIC PROWER, |
| 61 | WHO HAS BREATH ISSUES, |
| 62 | AND DAN, WITH THE POKING. |
| 63 | "DID YOU SEE THAT PLAY?" |
| 64 | "DO YOU WANT SOME MORE BEER?" |
| 65 | "IS THAT SPIKE LEE?" |
| 66 | OKAY. |
| 67 | HEY, WHY DON'T YOU ASK RICHARD? |
| 68 | OKAY. HEY, RICHARD. |
| 69 | IF YOU HAD AN EXTRA TICKET TO THE KNICKS GAME... |
| 70 | AND YOU HAD TO CHOOSE BETWEEN A FRIEND |
| 71 | WHO SMELLED AND ONE WHO... |
| 72 | BRUISES YOU, |
| 73 | WHO WOULD YOU PICK? |
| 74 | WOW. |
| 75 | WELL, BEING A HUGE KNICKS FAN MYSELF |
| 76 | I THINK YOU SHOULD TAKE SOMEONE |
| 77 | WHO'S A HUGE KNICKS FAN. |
| 78 | OKAY. |
| 79 | THAT'S ERIC. |
| 80 | GLAD TO BE OF HELP. |
| 81 | MATCHES. |
| 82 | I MEANT WHY DON'T YOU TAKE RICHARD TO THE GAME? |
| 83 | [MOCK WHINING] |
| 84 | WHAT? |
| 85 | I DON'T KNOW... |
| 86 | COME ON. |
| 87 | HE KEEPS HIS FINGERS TO HIMSELF |
| 88 | AND HE'S ALWAYS MINTY FRESH. |
| 89 | RICHARD'S REALLY NICE AND EVERYTHING. |
| 90 | IT'S JUST WE DON'T KNOW HIM REALLY WELL |
| 91 | YOU KNOW, AND PLUS, HE'S, YOU KNOW, OLD. |
| 92 | ...ER THAN SOME PEOPLE |
| 93 | BUT, UH, YOUNGER THAN SOME BUILDINGS. |
| 94 | SO HE'S A LITTLE OLDER. BIG DEAL. |
| 95 | I MEAN, HE'S IMPORTANT TO ME. |
| 96 | YOU KNOW, IF YOU ASK HIM, HE MIGHT TAKE YOU IN HIS JAG. |
| 97 | HOW DO WE SAY "YES" NOW |
| 98 | AND MAKE IT SEEM LIKE WE'RE NOT DOING IT |
| 99 | JUST TO RIDE IN THE COOL CAR? |
| 100 | OKAY, THIS COULD BE TOUGH. |
| 101 | OKAY, OKAY, OKAY. |
| 102 | MONICA, WE'LL BRING HIM |
| 103 | BUT ONLY IF HE TAKES THE JAGUAR. |
| 104 | OOH, YOU ALMOST HAD IT. |
| 105 | [SNIFFING] |
| 106 | NO, NO. YOU'RE FINE. |
| 107 | YOU'RE FINE. |
| 108 | HELLO. HI. |
| 109 | HI, HONEY. |
| 110 | YOU GUYS ARE NOT GOING TO BELIEVE WHAT HAPPENED. WHAT? WHAT? |
| 111 | WE WERE SITTING PLAYING ON THE FLOOR |
| 112 | AND HE GRABS THE TABLE AND HE PULLS HIMSELF UP. |
| 113 | HE PULLED HIMSELF UP. |
| 114 | STANDING MAN. |
| 115 | I'M SORRY YOU GUYS MISSED IT |
| 116 | BUT I DID TAPE IT |
| 117 | SO IF YOU GUYS WANT TO SEE IT... |
| 118 | UH, WE KNOW. HE ALREADY DID IT LAST WEEK. |
| 119 | YOU CAN WATCH OUR TAPE IF YOU WANT. |
| 120 | SEE? I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS. |
| 121 | I MISSED, I MISSED THE FIRST TIME OF EVERYTHING. |
| 122 | I MISSED THE FIRST TIME HE ROLLED OVER |
| 123 | THE FIRST TIME HE CRAWLED. |
| 124 | WHAT ELSE DID I MISS? |
| 125 | HAS HE SPOKEN YET? IS HE DRIVING? |
| 126 | DOES HE HAVE A FAVORITE LIQUOR? |
| 127 | YOU KNOW, ACTUALLY |
| 128 | HE'S GETTING CLOSER ON THE TALKING THING. |
| 129 | HE CAN'T QUITE SAY "MAMA" YET |
| 130 | BUT ONCE HE SAID "YEMEN." |
| 131 | I DON'T KNOW. I'M SO SICK OF MISSING STUFF. |
| 132 | I WANT HIM FOR MORE THAN A DAY. |
| 133 | I WANT HIM FOR A WHOLE WEEKEND. NO, LISTEN, I FEEL LIKE-- |
| 134 | [BOTH] THAT'LL BE FINE. THAT WOULD BE GREAT. |
| 135 | REALLY? I MEAN, I HAD A WHOLE SPEECH PREPARED. |
| 136 | OH, SHOOT. THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN FUN. |
| 137 | [WHIMPERS] |
| 138 | OH, LOOK, DID YOU JUST SEE THAT? |
| 139 | DID YOU SEE? HE JUST WAVED. HE JUST WAVED! |
| 140 | HE'S NEVER WAVED BEFORE! |
| 141 | YOU'VE NEVER WAVED BEFORE! |
| 142 | YES, HE HAS. |
| 143 | VERY GOOD. |
| 144 | HEY. HEY, PHEEBS. |
| 145 | WHAT YOU GOT THERE? |
| 146 | OKAY. LOVE STORY, BRIAN'S SONG |
| 147 | AND TERMS OF ENDEARMENT. |
| 148 | WOW. ALL YOU NEED NOW IS THE KILLING FIELDS |
| 149 | AND SOME GUACAMOLE |
| 150 | AND YOU GOT YOURSELF A PAR-TAY. |
| 151 | YEAH. I TALKED TO MY GRANDMA ABOUT THE OLD YELLER INCIDENT |
| 152 | AND SHE TOLD ME THAT MY MOM USED TO NOT SHOW US |
| 153 | THE ENDS OF SAD MOVIES |
| 154 | TO SHIELD US FROM THE PAIN AND SADNESS, |
| 155 | YOU KNOW, BEFORE SHE KILLED HERSELF. |
| 156 | HEY. HEY. |
| 157 | WHERE IS HE? WHERE'S RICHARD? DID YOU DITCH HIM? |
| 158 | YEAH, RIGHT AFTER WE STOLE HIS LUNCH MONEY |
| 159 | AND GAVE HIM A WEDGIE. |
| 160 | WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU? |
| 161 | HE'S PARKING THE CAR. |
| 162 | DID YOU GUYS HAVE FUN? |
| 163 | YOUR BOYFRIEND IS SO COOL. REALLY? |
| 164 | YEAH, HE LET US DRIVE HIS JAGUAR. |
| 165 | JOEY FOR 12 BLOCKS, ME FOR 15. |
| 166 | RACHEL: WOW. |
| 167 | HE MUST LIKE YOU THE BEST. |
| 168 | OH, AND WHAT ABOUT THAT THING HE DID WHEN HE TIPPED THE GUY |
| 169 | WHO SHOWED US TO OUR SEATS? |
| 170 | YOU NEVER EVEN SAW THE MONEY. IT WAS LIKE THIS. |
| 171 | "HEY, CHANDLER |
| 172 | THANKS FOR SHOWING US TO OUR SEATS." |
| 173 | "YOU'RE WELCOME. |
| 174 | HEY, JOEY, THANKS FOR PARKING THE CAR." |
| 175 | NO PROBLEM. |
| 176 | "HEY, CHANDLER..." I THINK THEY GET IT. |
| 177 | OKAY. |
| 178 | THERE'S THE MAN! |
| 179 | HEY! |
| 180 | HEY, YOU'RE GETTING BETTER. |
| 181 | I'M GOING TO KEEP THIS, BY THE WAY. |
| 182 | OKAY... |
| 183 | HE KEPT MY DOLLAR. |
| 184 | [MONICA] SO, YOUR FIRST WHOLE WEEKEND WITHOUT BEN. |
| 185 | WHAT ARE YOU GUYS GOING TO DO? |
| 186 | WE'RE GOING TO COLONIAL WILLIAMSBURG. |
| 187 | A WOMAN I WENT TO COLLEGE WITH |
| 188 | JUST BECAME THE FIRST FEMALE BLACKSMITH DOWN THERE. |
| 189 | YOU KNOW, THEY'RE A LITTLE BEHIND THE TIMES |
| 190 | IN COLONIAL WILLIAMSBURG. |
| 191 | OKAY, WELL, LOOK, I BETTER GO |
| 192 | BEFORE MOMMY STARTS WEEPING. |
| 193 | BYE. |
| 194 | WE LOVE YOU. |
| 195 | "BYE, MOMMY. BYE, MOMMY." |
| 196 | BYE. HAVE A GOOD TIME. |
| 197 | OKAY, BEN. ROSS? |
| 198 | YEAH? LOOK. |
| 199 | JOEY, DO YOU KNOW WE CAN SEE YOU FROM HERE? |
| 200 | HOW COME RICHARD LOOKS SO MUCH COOLER |
| 201 | WITH ONE OF THESE THAN ME? |
| 202 | FOR STARTERS, YOU MAY WANT TO LIGHT IT |
| 203 | AND LOSE THE SPATULA. |
| 204 | YOU KNOW WHAT? I THINK IT'S CUTE. |
| 205 | YOU TRYING TO BE MORE LIKE RICHARD. |
| 206 | NOT LIKE HIM, PER SE, JUST NOT UNLIKE HIM. |
| 207 | LOOK, IT'S THE ARTIST FORMALLY KNOWN AS CHANDLER. |
| 208 | I WAS JUST TRYING SOMETHING HERE, YOU KNOW? |
| 209 | JOEY, WHY DIDN'T YOU GROW A MOUSTACHE? |
| 210 | OH, WE FLIPPED FOR IT. |
| 211 | I GOT THE CIGAR, HE GOT THE MOUSTACHE. |
| 212 | WE FIGURED IF WE BOTH GREW THEM, WE'D LOOK LIKE DORKS. |
| 213 | YEAH, YOU REALLY SIDE-STEPPED THAT LAND MINE. |
| 214 | HEY, LISTEN, WE GOT TO GO. I PROMISED RICHARD |
| 215 | WE'D MEET HIM DOWNSTAIRS. YOU'RE MEETING RICHARD? |
| 216 | YEAH, WE'RE GOING TO A RANGER GAME. DIDN'T HE TELL YOU? |
| 217 | HE TOLD ME HE WAS GOING OUT WITH THE GUYS. |
| 218 | I JUST DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE THE GUYS. |
| 219 | YOU HEAR THAT? |
| 220 | WE'RE "THE GUYS." |
| 221 | WE'RE "THE GUYS." |
| 222 | WITH THAT MUSTACHE, |
| 223 | DOESN'T CHANDLER REMIND YOU OF AUNT SYLVIA? |
| 224 | THANK YOU! |
| 225 | HI. WE'RE VISITING. |
| 226 | YAY! |
| 227 | IT'S BEN AND HIS... DA-DA. |
| 228 | DA-DA. |
| 229 | CAN YOU SAY "DA-DA"? OH... |
| 230 | I'M GOING TO TELL YOUR MOMMIES YOU SAID IT ANYWAY, SO YOU MIGHT AS WELL TRY. |
| 231 | NO LUCK, HUH? NO. A WHILE AGO, I GOT A "SEH" OUT OF HIM, |
| 232 | WHICH I THOUGHT MIGHT TURN INTO |
| 233 | "SEH-CONDARY CAREGIVER," BUT... |
| 234 | HEY, WOULD YOU HOLD HIM FOR A SEC? |
| 235 | 'CAUSE I GOT TO TAKE THIS OFF. |
| 236 | OH. YEAH. SURE. OKAY. |
| 237 | WHAT ARE YOU DOING? |
| 238 | I'M HOLDING BEN. |
| 239 | YEAH, WELL, HE'S A BABY, NOT A BOMB. |
| 240 | OKAY. |
| 241 | JUST HOLD HIM LIKE YOU'D HOLD A FOOTBALL. |
| 242 | THIS IS HOW I WOULD HOLD A FOOTBALL. |
| 243 | OKAY, HERE, HERE. THERE WE GO. |
| 244 | OKAY. I'M SORRY. I'M JUST NOT VERY GOOD WITH BABIES. |
| 245 | I MEAN, I HAVEN'T BEEN AROUND THEM |
| 246 | I MEAN, YOU KNOW, SINCE I WAS ONE. |
| 247 | THAT'S ALL RIGHT. IT'S NO BIG DEAL. |
| 248 | REALLY? YEAH, DEFINITELY. |
| 249 | I'M SURE YOU'LL FEEL TOTALLY DIFFERENT WHEN IT'S OUR BABY. |
| 250 | WHAT? WHAT? |
| 251 | YOU THINK ABOUT STUFF LIKE THAT? |
| 252 | UH... YEAH. |
| 253 | I MEAN, ACTUALLY, I KIND OF THINKING |
| 254 | WE'LL HAVE... WE'LL HAVE TWO BABIES. |
| 255 | TWO BABIES? |
| 256 | YEAH. YOU KNOW, A BOY AND A GIRL. |
| 257 | HOPEFULLY, THE GIRL WILL COME FIRST |
| 258 | SO BEN HERE WON'T FEEL TOO COMPETITIVE. |
| 259 | THEN WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN? |
| 260 | WELL, WE WON'T WANT TO RAISE KIDS IN THE CITY |
| 261 | SO WE'LL PROBABLY MOVE TO SCARSDALE. |
| 262 | UH-HUH. |
| 263 | THAT WAY, I FIGURE, WE'LL BE FAR ENOUGH AWAY FROM OUR PARENTS |
| 264 | THAT WE DON'T HAVE TO SEE THEM ALL THE TIME, BUT CLOSE ENOUGH |
| 265 | THAT THEY CAN COME OVER AND BABY-SIT WHENEVER WE WANT. |
| 266 | AND, YES, I KNOW THE TAXES ARE A LITTLE HIGHER |
| 267 | THAN, LET'S SAY, NASSAU COUNTY |
| 268 | BUT THE SCHOOL SYSTEM'S SUPPOSEDLY GREAT. |
| 269 | WOW. |
| 270 | WOW, THAT'S GREAT. |
| 271 | GREAT. |
| 272 | OKAY, WOW, YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 273 | I'M OFF MY BREAK NOW |
| 274 | SO, UH, UM, HERE-- |
| 275 | YOU TAKE THIS, AND, UM... |
| 276 | I AM GOING TO GO POUR |
| 277 | THESE VERY NICE PEOPLE SOME COFFEE. |
| 278 | OKAY. OH, LOOK AT THAT. |
| 279 | I DON'T HAVE A POT. I DON'T HAVE A POT. |
| 280 | WELL, MAYBE I'VE GOT ONE AT HOME... OR IN SCARSDALE. |
| 281 | HEY, IS THAT A DOOR? |
| 282 | RACH? |
| 283 | HEY. |
| 284 | HEY, PHEEBS, WHAT'S HAPPENING? |
| 285 | OKAY, MURDER, CANCER, |
| 286 | SOCCER TEAMS EATING EACH OTHER IN THE ANDES. |
| 287 | YOU WATCHED THE MOVIES, HUH? |
| 288 | UH-HUH. WHAT IS HAPPENING TO THE WORLD? |
| 289 | I MEAN... NO, NO, NO. |
| 290 | 'CAUSE E.T. LEAVES AND ROCKY LOSES. |
| 291 | CHARLOTTE DIES. |
| 292 | CHARLOTTE WHO? |
| 293 | WITH THE WEB. THE SPIDER. SHE DIES. |
| 294 | SHE HAS BABIES AND DIES. |
| 295 | IT'S LIKE, "WELCOME HOME FROM THE HOSPITAL." THUD. |
| 296 | ALL RIGHT, YOU WANT TO FEEL BETTER? |
| 297 | YEAH. OKAY. |
| 298 | HERE. WATCH THIS. |
| 299 | "IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE." |
| 300 | YES, I'VE HEARD OF THIS. |
| 301 | SO YOU CAN'T LOSE. |
| 302 | IT'S THERE IN THE TITLE. |
| 303 | THE WONDERFULNESS IS BAKED RIGHT IN. |
| 304 | PLEASE, I ALMOST FELL FOR THAT WITH PRIDE OF THE YANKEES. |
| 305 | I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO SEE A FILM ABOUT YANKEE PRIDE |
| 306 | AND THEN, BOOM, THE GUY GETS LOU GEHRIG'S DISEASE. |
| 307 | THE GUY WAS LOU GEHRIG. |
| 308 | DIDN'T YOU KIND OF SEE IT COMING? |
| 309 | PHOEBE, JUST WATCH THAT. I PROMISE YOU |
| 310 | IT WILL RESTORE ALL YOUR FAITH IN HUMANITY. |
| 311 | HEY, BIG GUY, GAME TIME. |
| 312 | HEY, BE RIGHT THERE. THERE'S A GAME? |
| 313 | YEAH, I JUST GOT MY PICK-UP STICKS |
| 314 | BACK FROM THE SHOP. |
| 315 | BRING YOUR NERVES OF STEEL. |
| 316 | IT'S THE BASKETBALL PLAY-OFFS. |
| 317 | HONEY, I APPRECIATE THIS BUT |
| 318 | YOU DON'T HAVE TO KEEP HANGING OUT WITH THEM FOR ME. |
| 319 | THEY HAVE EACH OTHER. |
| 320 | NO, HONEY, DON'T WORRY. |
| 321 | I LIKE HANGING OUT WITH THOSE GUYS. |
| 322 | IT'S FUN FOR ME. |
| 323 | THEY'RE DIFFERENT THAN MY OTHER FRIENDS. |
| 324 | THEY DON'T START SENTENCES WITH, |
| 325 | "YOU KNOW WHO JUST DIED SHOVELING SNOW?" |
| 326 | ALL RIGHT, THAT'S GREAT. |
| 327 | JUST GO. |
| 328 | GO KNICKS! |
| 329 | UH, IT'S THE COLLEGE PLAY-OFFS. |
| 330 | OH. THEN... GO VASSAR! |
| 331 | THEY'RE NOT IN IT. |
| 332 | OKAY, THEN JUST GO. OKAY. |
| 333 | WHY DOES THIS BOTHER ME SO MUCH? |
| 334 | I DON'T WANT TO BE ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE |
| 335 | WHO TELLS THEIR BOYFRIEND |
| 336 | THEY WANT TO SPEND 24 HOURS A DAY WITH HIM. |
| 337 | SURE. |
| 338 | HE DOESN'T HAVE THAT MUCH FREE TIME. |
| 339 | I DON'T KNOW. WHAT DO I DO? |
| 340 | DOES IT MATTER? YOU'RE ULTIMATELY |
| 341 | JUST GOING TO DIE OR GET DIVORCED |
| 342 | OR HAVE TO BLOW YOUR PET'S HEAD OFF. |
| 343 | UCH! ME TOO. |
| 344 | I GOT A QUESTION. RICHARD MADE PLANS AGAIN WITH THE GUYS. |
| 345 | YEAH, WELL, ROSS JUST MADE PLANS FOR THE WHOLE CENTURY. |
| 346 | YOU KNOW WHAT? I THINK I'M GOING TO GO TO MY ROOM AND READ COSMO. |
| 347 | MAYBE THERE'S SOMETHING HELPFUL IN THERE. |
| 348 | IF NOT, AT LEAST MAYBE I CAN LEARN HOW TO DO |
| 349 | AN AT-HOME BIKINI WAX WITH LEFTOVER CHRISTMAS CANDLES. |
| 350 | OKAY, WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED BACK THERE? |
| 351 | I DON'T KNOW. YOU TELL ME. |
| 352 | ONE MINUTE, I'M HOLDING BEN LIKE A FOOTBALL. |
| 353 | THE NEXT THING I KNOW, I'VE GOT TWO KIDS |
| 354 | I'M LIVING IN SCARSDALE COMPLAINING ABOUT THE TAXES. |
| 355 | I'M SORRY. I THINK ABOUT STUFF. |
| 356 | YOU'RE AT WORK, YOU'RE ASSEMBLING BONES, |
| 357 | YOUR MIND WANDERS. |
| 358 | ROSS, YOU HAVE PLANNED OUT |
| 359 | THE NEXT 20 YEARS OF OUR LIVES. |
| 360 | WE'VE BEEN DATING FOR SIX WEEKS. |
| 361 | OH, COME ON, WHAT? YOU NEVER THINK ABOUT OUR FUTURE? |
| 362 | YES, BUT I THINK ABOUT WHOSE APARTMENT WE'RE GOING TO SLEEP AT TOMORROW NIGHT |
| 363 | AND WHERE WE'RE GOING TO HAVE DINNER NEXT SATURDAY NIGHT. |
| 364 | I DO NOT THINK ABOUT WHAT OUR CHILDREN'S NAMES ARE GOING TO BE. |
| 365 | YOU KNOW WHAT OUR CHILDREN'S NAMES ARE GOING TO BE. |
| 366 | NO. NO. I MEAN, YOU KNOW, I READ A BOOK |
| 367 | AND THERE WAS A GIRL NAMED EMILY |
| 368 | AND I THOUGHT THAT MIGHT BE GOOD. |
| 369 | WHAT WAS THE BOOK? |
| 370 | "THE BIG BOOK OF CHILDREN'S NAMES." |
| 371 | OKAY, ROSS, ROSS. OKAY, LISTEN. |
| 372 | WHAT WE HAVE IS AMAZING. YEAH. |
| 373 | BUT I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE EVERYTHING DECIDED FOR ME. |
| 374 | I SPENT MY WHOLE LIFE LIKE THAT. |
| 375 | THAT'S WHAT I HAD WITH BARRY. |
| 376 | THAT WAS ONE OF THE REASONS I LEFT. |
| 377 | I LIKE NOT KNOWING RIGHT NOW. |
| 378 | AND I'M SORRY IF THAT SCARES YOU, |
| 379 | BUT IF YOU WANT TO BE WITH ME, |
| 380 | YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT. |
| 381 | OKAY, FINE. THANK YOU. |
| 382 | WE'RE NOT DONE. I DIDN'T KNOW THAT. |
| 383 | AND THEN YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO UNDERSTAND THAT YOU'RE WITH A GUY |
| 384 | WHO'S NOT GOING TO STOP PLANNING HIS FUTURE WITH YOU |
| 385 | BECAUSE HE KNOWS WE'RE GOING TO END UP TOGETHER |
| 386 | AND IF THAT SCARES YOU, TOUGH, |
| 387 | 'CAUSE YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT. |
| 388 | FINE. I WILL. |
| 389 | GOOD. 'CAUSE I LOVE YOU. |
| 390 | OH, YEAH? WELL I LOVE YOU TOO. |
| 391 | THAT'S THE FIRST TIME WE'VE SAID THAT. |
| 392 | YES, IT IS. WELL, I'M GOING TO KISS YOU. |
| 393 | WELL, YOU BETTER. |
| 394 | HEY. HEY. |
| 395 | THANKS FOR THE GREAT MOVIE TIP. |
| 396 | DID YOU LIKE IT? OH, YEAH. I DON'T KNOW IF I WAS HAPPIER |
| 397 | WHEN GEORGE BAILEY DESTROYED THE FAMILY BUSINESS, |
| 398 | OR DONNA REED CRIED, |
| 399 | OR WHEN THE MEAN PHARMACIST MADE HIS EAR BLEED. |
| 400 | I'LL GIVE YOU THE EAR THING, |
| 401 | BUT DON'T YOU THINK THE ENDING WAS PRETTY WONDERFUL? |
| 402 | I DIDN'T WATCH THE ENDING. I WAS TOO DEPRESSED. |
| 403 | IT KEPT GETTING WORSE AND WORSE. |
| 404 | IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN CALLED "IT'S A SUCKY LIFE, |
| 405 | AND JUST WHEN YOU THINK IT CAN'T SUCK ANY MORE, IT DOES." |
| 406 | KICK SAVE, AND... |
| 407 | DENIED. |
| 408 | BUT HE GETS IT BACK, |
| 409 | PASS TO THE MIDDLE, LINES IT UP, |
| 410 | AND, BAM, YES! |
| 411 | COULD THAT SHOT BE ANY PRETTIER? |
| 412 | MAN, YOU ARE INCREDIBLE. |
| 413 | WE HAD A TABLE IN COLLEGE. |
| 414 | REALLY? I DIDN'T KNOW THEY HAD FOOSBALL IN THE 1800s. |
| 415 | NICE MUSTACHE, BY THE WAY. |
| 416 | WHEN PUBERTY HITS, THAT THING'S REALLY GOING TO KICK IN. |
| 417 | HONEY, NOT TO SOUND TOO FLORENCE HENDERSON |
| 418 | BUT DINNER'S ON THE TABLE. |
| 419 | OKAY, JUST ONE MORE POINT. |
| 420 | MONICA: SCORE! |
| 421 | NOW CAN WE GO? |
| 422 | SEE, THAT'S WHY WE DON'T LET HER PLAY. |
| 423 | IS EVERYTHING ALL RIGHT? |
| 424 | MM-HMM. UH-OH. |
| 425 | OH, HEY, LISTEN, DON'T BE MAD AT HIM. IT'S OUR FAULT. |
| 426 | I'M SORRY WE'VE BEEN HOGGING SO MUCH OF HIS TIME. |
| 427 | YEAH, HE'S JUST REALLY GREAT TO HANG OUT WITH. |
| 428 | WELL... NO, NO, SERIOUSLY. |
| 429 | CHANDLER AND I WERE JUST TALKING ABOUT THIS. |
| 430 | HE IS SO MUCH COOLER THAN OUR DADS. |
| 431 | I MEAN, OUR DADS ARE OKAY AND ALL, |
| 432 | BUT RICHARD IS JUST... OW! OW! |
| 433 | WHAT ARE YOU KICKING ME FOR? |
| 434 | I'M TRYING TO TALK HERE. |
| 435 | UH... YOU GUYS SEE ME AS A DAD? |
| 436 | OH, YEAH. NO. |
| 437 | NO. |
| 438 | YOU'RE JUST CLEARLY NOT FAMILIAR |
| 439 | WITH OUR YOUNG PERSON'S VERNACULAR. |
| 440 | WHEN WE SAY "DAD," WE MEAN "BUDDY." |
| 441 | WE MEAN "PAL." UH-HUH. |
| 442 | NO, SERIOUSLY, JOEY'S MY DAD. |
| 443 | MONICA'S MY DAD. |
| 444 | I'VE EVEN GOT SOME DADS DOWN AT WORK. |
| 445 | THAT'S FINE. |
| 446 | WELL, YOUR OTHER DAD AND I |
| 447 | ARE GOING TO GO HAVE A ROMANTIC EVENING |
| 448 | AND I GUESS I'LL JUST SEE YOU KIDS AROUND. |
| 449 | NIGHTY-NIGHT. |
| 450 | [BOTH] YOU'RE NOT A DAD. YOU'RE NOT A DAD. |
| 451 | I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU GOT US INTO TROUBLE. |
| 452 | SO, ARE YOU OKAY? YEAH. |
| 453 | IT'S JUST I FEEL LIKE I'M ABOUT A HUNDRED. |
| 454 | I THOUGHT I WAS JUST ONE OF THE GUYS. |
| 455 | COME HERE. |
| 456 | I'LL MAKE YOU FEEL LIKE ONE OF THE GUYS. |
| 457 | YOU KNOW, FOR A REALLY COOL GUY, |
| 458 | YOU SUCK AT FOOSBALL. |
| 459 | WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? |
| 460 | I WAS KILLING THEM. YEAH, WELL, THEY SUCK TOO. |
| 461 | THEN YOU TAKE THE POOPY DIAPER |
| 462 | AND YOU PUT IT IN THE POOPY DIAPER PAIL. |
| 463 | OKAY, ROSS, JUST SO YOU KNOW, CALLING IT A "POOPY DIAPER" |
| 464 | DOESN'T MAKE THIS PROCESS ANY CUTER. |
| 465 | [INTERCOM BUZZES] |
| 466 | HELLO. CAROL: It's us. |
| 467 | COME ON UP. |
| 468 | I'M GOING TO GET THE REST OF HIS STUFF TOGETHER. |
| 469 | OKAY, WE CAN DO THIS NOW, CAN'T WE, BEN? |
| 470 | YES, WE CAN. |
| 471 | YES, WE CAN. |
| 472 | THERE. I DID IT. |
| 473 | I DID IT. |
| 474 | LOOK AT THAT. |
| 475 | OH! IT STAYS ON AND EVERYTHING. |
| 476 | HI. |
| 477 | BEN: HI. |
| 478 | I'M SORRY, WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY? |
| 479 | DID YOU JUST SAY "HI"? |
| 480 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 481 | ROSS, BEN JUST SAID "HI." |
| 482 | WHAT? BEN JUST SAID "HI." |
| 483 | WHAT, THE WORD "HI"? |
| 484 | NO, MY UNCLE HY. |
| 485 | GREAT. GREAT. AND I MISSED THAT TOO. |
| 486 | I MISS EVERYTHING. OH, I'M SORRY. |
| 487 | I GUESS I JUST BRING IT OUT IN HIM. |
| 488 | HELLO. WHERE IS HE? WE MISSED YOU SO MUCH. |
| 489 | COME HERE, BEN. |
| 490 | GUESS WHAT. BEN JUST SAID HIS FIRST WORD. |
| 491 | [BOTH] WHAT DID HE SAY? |
| 492 | SOMETHING ABOUT "HI." |
| 493 | OH, THAT'S SO EXCITING. |
| 494 | MOMMY'S SO PROUD OF YOU. |
| 495 | HI. HI. |
| 496 | YOU KNOW, ACTUALLY, IT'S MORE LIKE HI! |
| 497 | HI. |
| 498 | HI. |
| 499 | HI. |
| 500 | HI. |
| 501 | THIS COULD GO ON FOR A WHILE. |
| 502 | YOU'RE RIGHT. WE GOT A CAB WAITING DOWNSTAIRS. |
| 503 | THIS WAS FUN. |
| 504 | WE SHOULD REALLY DO IT AGAIN SOMETIME, BEN. |
| 505 | WHAT DO YOU SAY? OKAY. |
| 506 | SO I'VE GOT HIM... |
| 507 | TUESDAY. |
| 508 | BYE, YOU GUYS. |
| 509 | TAKE CARE. |
| 510 | BYE, BEN. BEN: BYE. |
| 511 | DID HE JUST... DID HE JUST SAY "BYE"? |
| 512 | HE SAID "BYE." |
| 513 | HE SAID "BYE" TO ME! HE SAID "BYE" TO ME! |
| 514 | YES, HE DID. |
| 515 | SUDDENLY I'M SEEING HIM GO OFF TO COLLEGE. |
| 516 | WE GOT TO GO. WE GOT THAT CAB DOWNSTAIRS. |
| 517 | ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. |
| 518 | SEE YOU LATER. |
| 519 | BYE. |
| 520 | BEN: BYE. |
| 521 | BYE! Ben: BYE. |
| 522 | BYE! Ben: BYE. |
| 523 | BYE! |
| 524 | AHH... |
| 525 | OH, WOW. LOOK AT THIS NICE DEEP HOLE I'VE BEEN DIGGING. |
| 526 | HEY BERT, ISN'T THIS A NICE HOLE HERE? |
| 527 | BEN, THIS IS THE PART |
| 528 | WHERE ERNIE BURIES BERT IN THE SAND AND CAN'T FIND HIM. |
| 529 | NOW, I'VE LOOKED AHEAD ON THE TAPE |
| 530 | AND HE DOES FIND HIM AGAIN. |
| 531 | BUT BEFORE THAT HAPPENS |
| 532 | THERE'S SOME PRETTY ROUGH GOING FOR A WHILE. |
| 533 | BUT I THINK WE CAN HANDLE IT. |
| 534 | AND THERE'S JUST THE ALPHABET, BUT WE KNOW THAT ENDS WELL. |
| 535 | OKAY, HERE WE GO. |
| 536 | BERT? BERT? |
| 537 | WHAT HAPPENED TO MY FRIEND BERT? |
| 538 | HE WAS HERE JUST A MOMENT AGO. |
| 539 | OH, NO, MY OLD FRIEND BERT IS LOST. |
| 540 | SO GLAD YOU'RE HERE. |
| 541 | Ben: BYE-BYE, PHOEBE. |
| 542 | |
| 1 | STOCKS AND BONDS ARE MOVING HIGHER. GOOD DAY, I'M-- |
| 2 | MONICA, WHY ARE WE WATCHING THE BUSINESS CHANNEL? |
| 3 | OH, BECAUSE I WAS GOING BY THE OTHER DAY |
| 4 | AND I SAW THAT THERE WAS A STOCK WITH MY INITIALS-- M.E.G. |
| 5 | SOMETIMES I HAVE TO WATCH FOR HOURS BEFORE IT COMES UP AGAIN |
| 6 | BUT WHEN IT DOES, IT'S PRETTY EXCITING. |
| 7 | HMM... OKAY, HONEY, YOU REALLY NEED A JOB. |
| 8 | MON, I'M SPEAKING WITH DAD HE SAYS HE KNOWS SOMEONE |
| 9 | YOU CAN CALL FOR AN INTERVIEW. |
| 10 | OKAY, RIGHT THERE. |
| 11 | THAT'S THE THIRD SIGN TODAY, RIGHT THERE. |
| 12 | ON BEHALF OF EVERYONE, I'D JUST LIKE TO SAY, "HEH?" |
| 13 | 'CAUSE YOU JUST SAID "DAD." |
| 14 | AND EVERYWHERE I GO TODAY, I KEEP GETTING SIGNS |
| 15 | TELLING ME TO GO SEE MY FATHER. |
| 16 | LIKE, WHEN I WAS WALKING OVER HERE |
| 17 | AND I PASSED A BUFFET. |
| 18 | WHICH IS MY FATHER'S LAST NAME. |
| 19 | AH! OH! AH! |
| 20 | AND THEY WERE SERVING FRANKS-- |
| 21 | HIS FIRST NAME, MINUS THE "S" AT THE END. |
| 22 | AH! YES. |
| 23 | AND THERE WAS A ROTISSERIE WITH A SPINNING CHICKEN. |
| 24 | HIS INDIAN NAME? |
| 25 | NO, BECAUSE I CHICKENED OUT |
| 26 | THE LAST TIME |
| 27 | WHEN I TRIED TO MEET HIM. SO, I MEAN, COINCIDENCES? |
| 28 | I DON'T THINK SO. |
| 29 | FREAKY. WEIRD. EERIE. |
| 30 | OKAY, SO WHO WANTS THE LAST HAMBURGER? |
| 31 | ALL RIGHT, THAT'S IT. NOW I HAVE TO GO SEE HIM. |
| 32 | WHY? |
| 33 | HAMBURGER. |
| 34 | McDONALD'S. |
| 35 | OLD McDONALD HAD A FARM. |
| 36 | MY DAD WAS A PHARMACIST. |
| 37 | OHH! |
| 38 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 39 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 40 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 41 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 42 | ♪ WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY ♪ |
| 43 | ♪ YOUR WEEK, YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 44 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 45 | ♪ WHEN THE RAIN STARTS TO POUR ♪ |
| 46 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 47 | ♪ LIKE I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE ♪ |
| 48 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 49 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME TOO. ♪ |
| 50 | MAN, I AM SO BEAT. |
| 51 | OH, YEAH. |
| 52 | HEY, YOU WANT TO JUST FORGET ABOUT RACQUETBALL |
| 53 | AND HANG OUT HERE? YEAH, ALL RIGHT. |
| 54 | HEY, YOU'RE IN OUR SEATS. |
| 55 | OH, SORRY, WE DIDN'T KNOW. |
| 56 | HEY, WE WERE SITTING THERE. |
| 57 | OKAY, THERE IS ONE MORE WAY TO SAY IT. |
| 58 | WHO KNOWS IT? |
| 59 | IS THAT SUPPOSED TO BE FUNNY? |
| 60 | NO, ACTUALLY, I WAS JUST GOING FOR COLORFUL. |
| 61 | WHAT'S WITH THIS GUY? WHAT'S WITH YOU? |
| 62 | UH... NOTHING. |
| 63 | NOTHING'S WITH HIM. |
| 64 | ENJOY YOUR COFFEE. |
| 65 | WHAT JUST HAPPENED? |
| 66 | I JUST TOOK YOUR HAT. |
| 67 | SEE, I CAN BE FUNNY TOO. |
| 68 | MY JOKE IS THAT I TOOK YOUR HAT. |
| 69 | THAT... THAT... THAT IS FUNNY. |
| 70 | CAN I HAVE IT BACK? |
| 71 | NO. |
| 72 | NO? NO. |
| 73 | OKAY. OKAY. |
| 74 | YOU KNOW WHAT? I THINK YOU'VE VERY FUNNY. |
| 75 | KUDOS ON THAT HAT JOKE. |
| 76 | BUT COME ON, GUYS. |
| 77 | JUST GIVE HIM BACK THE HAT. |
| 78 | WHY SHOULD WE? |
| 79 | BECAUSE IT'S A SPECIAL HAT. |
| 80 | SEE, HE BOUGHT IT |
| 81 | BECAUSE HE WAS FEELING REALLY DOWN ONE DAY. |
| 82 | SO HE GOT THE HAT TO CHEER HIMSELF UP, YOU KNOW? |
| 83 | NOW, CHANDLER, YOU WOULDN'T-- |
| 84 | STOP TALKING. STOP TALKING NOW. |
| 85 | LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT. |
| 86 | YOU'RE ACTUALLY STEALING MY HAT? |
| 87 | YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT? |
| 88 | NO, JUST WANT TO MAKE SURE WE'RE ON THE SAME PAGE. |
| 89 | HEY, HOW DID THE INTERVIEW GO? |
| 90 | IT BIT. |
| 91 | IT WAS A '50s THEME RESTAURANT. |
| 92 | I'D HAVE TO COOK IN A COSTUME |
| 93 | AND DANCE ON THE COUNTER. |
| 94 | I WAS A SOUS-CHEF AT CAFE DES ARTISTES. |
| 95 | HOW COULD I TAKE A JOB |
| 96 | WHERE I HAVE TO MAKE "LAVERNE & CURLY FRIES"? |
| 97 | SO DON'T DO IT. |
| 98 | HOW CAN I NOT DO IT? I HAVE $127 IN THE BANK! |
| 99 | MONICA, RELAX. |
| 100 | GO GET A BEER. |
| 101 | I DON'T WANT A BEER! |
| 102 | WHO SAID IT WAS FOR YOU? |
| 103 | HI. HI. |
| 104 | WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU? |
| 105 | THESE MEAN GUYS AT THE COFFEE HOUSE TOOK MY HAT. |
| 106 | NO! YOU'RE KIDDING. |
| 107 | Ross: IT WAS RIDICULOUS. |
| 108 | YOU KNOW, THESE GUYS WERE BULLIES. |
| 109 | ACTUAL BULLIES, YOU KNOW? WE'RE GROWN-UPS. |
| 110 | THIS KIND OF STUFF ISN'T SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN ANYMORE. |
| 111 | OHH! |
| 112 | OHH! |
| 113 | OH, NO, WAIT A MINUTE I HAVE NO ONE. |
| 114 | LET'S GO DOWN THERE AND GET YOUR HAT BACK. |
| 115 | AH, FORGET IT. IT'S PROBABLY STRIPPED |
| 116 | AND SOLD FOR PARTS BY NOW. |
| 117 | HEY! |
| 118 | I WENT UP. |
| 119 | WHAT? MY STOCK. |
| 120 | M.E.G. IT WENT UP TWO POINTS. |
| 121 | DO YOU REALIZE THAT IF I HAD INVESTED MY $127 |
| 122 | IN MYSELF YESTERDAY |
| 123 | THAT I'D, LIKE, HAVE... |
| 124 | A LOT MORE THAN THAT TODAY? |
| 125 | I'M GOING TO DO IT. DO WHAT? |
| 126 | PUT ALL MY MONEY IN ME. |
| 127 | YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THE STOCK MARKET. |
| 128 | WHAT'S TO KNOW? |
| 129 | BUY! SELL! HIGH! LOW! BEARS! BULLS! |
| 130 | YES, MANHATTAN. |
| 131 | YEAH, TELEPHONE NUMBER OF THE STOCK... |
| 132 | SELLING... |
| 133 | STORE. |
| 134 | SEE? DIDN'T I TELL YOU |
| 135 | THESE PILLOWS WOULD BE A GOOD IDEA? |
| 136 | OH, GOD. |
| 137 | HERE WE GO. |
| 138 | FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE |
| 139 | I'M GOING TO SAY, "HI, BIRTH FATHER." |
| 140 | WE LOVE YOU. WE'RE HERE FOR YOU. |
| 141 | GOOD LUCK. THANKS. |
| 142 | HEY, RACH, YOU WANT SOME SANDWICH? |
| 143 | OH! WHAT IS IN THAT? |
| 144 | OLIVE LOAF AND HAM SPREAD, NO MAYO. |
| 145 | NO, NO, WITH MAYO |
| 146 | THAT WOULD MAKE IT GROSS. |
| 147 | ( barking ) HEY! NO! |
| 148 | OH! OH! RUN, PHOEBE! |
| 149 | NO, DOGGIE! NO, PLEASE! |
| 150 | I DO SO WANT TO LOVE ALL ANIMALS. |
| 151 | PLEASE, NO! |
| 152 | A BONE! YOU GOT A BONE? |
| 153 | ARE YOU KIDDING? |
| 154 | LOOK! KIBBLES! BITS! LET GO! |
| 155 | GET THE HELL OFF MY LEG |
| 156 | YOU YIPPITY PIECE OF CRAP! |
| 157 | ( barking ) |
| 158 | OHH! |
| 159 | ( barking ) |
| 160 | OKAY. ALL RIGHT. |
| 161 | WE HAVE A PROBLEM. |
| 162 | WHY DON'T YOU REACH OUT AND TAKE HIS TRAMPOLINE? |
| 163 | Rachel: OKAY, HERE, I KNOW WHAT WE CAN DO. |
| 164 | HEY, NO! |
| 165 | OKAY, DOGGIE! |
| 166 | GET THE... GET THE SANDWICH! |
| 167 | OKAY. GET THE SANDWICH, DOGGIE! |
| 168 | GOOD DOGGIE! GET THE SANDWICH! |
| 169 | JOEY, THE DOG WILL LICK HIMSELF |
| 170 | BUT HE WILL NOT TOUCH YOUR SANDWICH. |
| 171 | WHAT DOES THAT TELL YOU? |
| 172 | IF HE'S NOT GONNA EAT IT, I WILL. |
| 173 | ARE YOU CRAZY? |
| 174 | PHEEBS, HE'S JUST A LITTLE DOG. |
| 175 | ( screaming ) |
| 176 | ( barking ) |
| 177 | ( barking ) |
| 178 | HEY. WHAT? |
| 179 | DO YOU HAVE TO BE A CENTURY 21 REAL ESTATE AGENT |
| 180 | TO GET TO WEAR THOSE REALLY COOL JACKETS? |
| 181 | DO YOU SAY THIS STUFF TO GIRLS? |
| 182 | HEY, ISN'T THAT THE GUY WHO USED TO WEAR YOUR HAT? |
| 183 | AND LOOK WHERE THEY'RE SITTING. |
| 184 | YOU'RE JOKING, RIGHT? |
| 185 | YOU GUYS JUST WALKED THROUGH THE DOOR. |
| 186 | MAYBE WE DIDN'T MAKE IT CLEAR ENOUGH. |
| 187 | YEAH. |
| 188 | THIS COUCH BELONGS TO US. |
| 189 | I'LL TELL YOU WHAT. |
| 190 | YOU CALL THE COUCH |
| 191 | AND THEN... AND THEN WE'LL CALL THE COUCH... |
| 192 | AND WE'LL SEE WHO IT COMES TO. |
| 193 | YOU KNOW WHAT I KEEP WONDERING? |
| 194 | WHY YOU TWO ARE STILL SITTING HERE. |
| 195 | ALL RIGHT, THAT'S IT! |
| 196 | I HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS, ALL RIGHT? |
| 197 | GUNTHER! |
| 198 | THESE GUYS ARE TRYING TO TAKE OUR SEATS. |
| 199 | FELLAS |
| 200 | THESE GUYS WERE HERE FIRST. |
| 201 | OH, SORRY, DIDN'T REALIZE. |
| 202 | THERE YOU GO. |
| 203 | THANK YOU, GUNTHER. |
| 204 | WE DIDN'T WANT TO HAVE TO GO AND DO THAT. |
| 205 | HE TOLD ON US? |
| 206 | YOU TOLD ON US? |
| 207 | WELL, PAL, YOU DIDN'T |
| 208 | GIVE ME MUCH OF A CHOICE. |
| 209 | DON'T PLAY WITH HIS THING. |
| 210 | I KNOW. |
| 211 | ALL RIGHT, LET'S TAKE THIS OUTSIDE. |
| 212 | "LET'S... LET'S TAKE THIS OUTSIDE"? |
| 213 | WHO TALKS LIKE THAT? |
| 214 | A GUY WHO'S ABOUT TO KICK YOUR ASS |
| 215 | TALKS LIKE THAT. |
| 216 | YOU HAD TO ASK. YEAH. |
| 217 | OKAY, OKAY, LOOK. |
| 218 | SEE, THE THING IS |
| 219 | WE'RE... WE'RE NOT GOING TO FIGHT YOU GUYS. |
| 220 | THEN HERE'S THE DEAL. |
| 221 | YOU WON'T HAVE TO |
| 222 | SO LONG AS YOU NEVER EVER SHOW YOUR FACES |
| 223 | IN THIS COFFEE HOUSE EVER AGAIN. |
| 224 | I THINK YOU PLAYED THE GUNTHER CARD TOO SOON. |
| 225 | HEY, PHEEBS, I THINK YOU'RE GOOD TO GO. |
| 226 | YEAH, I DON'T KNOW. |
| 227 | WHAT'S THE MATTER? |
| 228 | I JUST THINK THAT THIS WAS A REALLY BAD SIGN. |
| 229 | I MEAN, LIKE, "THE BEAST AT THE THRESHOLD." |
| 230 | IT'S JUST, I HAVE, LIKE, NO FAMILY LEFT. |
| 231 | I MEAN, EXCEPT FOR MY GRANDMOTHER. |
| 232 | BUT LET'S FACE IT |
| 233 | SHE'S NOT GOING TO BE AROUND FOREVER. |
| 234 | DESPITE WHAT SHE SAYS. |
| 235 | AND I HAVE A SISTER |
| 236 | WHO I'VE BARELY SPOKEN TO SINCE WE, LIKE, SHARED A WOMB. |
| 237 | YOU KNOW? I DON'T KNOW. |
| 238 | THIS IS MY REAL FATHER. |
| 239 | AND I JUST... I WANT THINGS TO BE, LIKE, JUST RIGHT. |
| 240 | YEAH, PHOEBE, I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND. |
| 241 | YEAH, WHATEVER YOU NEED. |
| 242 | HEY, YOU WANT TO GO HOME? |
| 243 | OKAY, THANKS. SORRY AGAIN. |
| 244 | ( yelping ) |
| 245 | WHAT WAS THAT? |
| 246 | UH... |
| 247 | I'M GUESSING THE THRESHOLD'S CLEAR NOW. |
| 248 | I WANT TO BUY FIVE SHARES OF S.G.J. |
| 249 | AND I WANT THEM NOW. |
| 250 | TIME IS MONEY, MY FRIEND. |
| 251 | THANK YOU. WHOO! |
| 252 | "TIME IS MONEY, MY FRIEND"? |
| 253 | YEAH. YOU MISSED "TAKES MONEY TO MAKE MONEY" |
| 254 | AND "DON'T MAKE ME COME DOWN THERE |
| 255 | AND KICK YOUR WALL-STREET BUTT." |
| 256 | HEY, I MADE $17 BEFORE BREAKFAST. |
| 257 | WHAT HAVE YOU DONE? |
| 258 | WELL, I HAD BREAKFAST HERE. |
| 259 | SO, TECHNICALLY, I SAVED 3.50. |
| 260 | HOW DID YOU MAKE $17? |
| 261 | WELL, MY FINANCIALLY CHALLENGED FRIENDS, I SPLIT MY MONEY |
| 262 | AND I BOUGHT SOME SHARES OF C.H.P. AND Z.X.Y. |
| 263 | HOW COME THOSE? |
| 264 | WELL, C.H.P. |
| 265 | 'CAUSE I USED TO HAVE A CRUSH ON ERIK ESTRADA. |
| 266 | AND Z.X.Y., BECAUSE I THINK IT SOUNDS ZEXY. |
| 267 | WHAT HAPPENED TO M.E.G.? |
| 268 | M.E.G. WAS GOOD FOR ME, BUT I DUMPED HER. |
| 269 | YOU KNOW, MY MOTTO IS |
| 270 | "GET OUT BEFORE THEY GO DOWN." |
| 271 | THAT IS SO NOT MY MOTTO. |
| 272 | HEY. |
| 273 | Rachel: HEY, PHEEBS. |
| 274 | OH, HEY, HOW'S THE DOG? |
| 275 | I TALKED TO THE VET. |
| 276 | PEOPLE ARE SO NICE UPSTATE. |
| 277 | ANYWAY, HE SAID THE LITTLE FELLA'S GOING TO BE OKAY |
| 278 | AND I CAN PICK HIM UP TOMORROW. |
| 279 | OH, GOOD. THANK GOD. |
| 280 | BUT HE DID HAVE TO HAVE, LIKE, A BUNCH OF STITCHES |
| 281 | AND HE SAID THAT ONLY ONCE IN A BLUE MOON |
| 282 | DOES A DOG'S EAR GROW BACK. |
| 283 | SO, STILL HOPING. |
| 284 | ( nervous laughter ) |
| 285 | OKAY, SO, PHOEBE |
| 286 | NOW ARE YOU GOING TO CALL YOUR DAD |
| 287 | TO LET HIM KNOW THAT HIS DOG IS OKAY? |
| 288 | I... I DON'T WANT TO MEET MY FATHER OVER THE PHONE. |
| 289 | WHAT AM I GOING TO SAY? |
| 290 | LIKE, "HI. I'M PHOEBE, THE DAUGHTER YOU ABANDONED. |
| 291 | OH, BY THE WAY, I BROKE YOUR DOG." |
| 292 | WELL, HEY, PHEEBS, IF YOU WANT, I'LL DO IT. |
| 293 | OKAY. |
| 294 | LISTEN, JUST DON'T SAY ANYTHING |
| 295 | ABOUT ME, OKAY? |
| 296 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 297 | DON'T! |
| 298 | BE TOO LONG WITH THE PHONE. |
| 299 | OKAY, SHE'LL BE A MUCH BETTER FRIEND |
| 300 | ONCE THE MARKET CLOSES. |
| 301 | ( whispering ): IT'S A WOMAN. |
| 302 | SO, TALK TO HER. |
| 303 | ( deep voice ): UH... HELLO, MRS. BUFFAY. |
| 304 | I KNOW WHERE YOUR DOG IS |
| 305 | AND I WANT YOU TO KNOW, HE'LL BE RETURNED TO YOU |
| 306 | ALMOST AS GOOD AS NEW WITHIN... WITHIN 24 HOURS. |
| 307 | GOOD-BYE. |
| 308 | WHY THE VOICE? HARD TO SAY. |
| 309 | YOUR CAPPUCCINO, SIR. |
| 310 | THANK YOU. |
| 311 | YOU KNOW, I THINK THIS IS |
| 312 | MUCH BETTER THAN THE COFFEE HOUSE. |
| 313 | ABSOLUTELY. |
| 314 | HOW COME IT'S NOT MIXING WITH THE WATER? |
| 315 | THE PACKAGE SAYS |
| 316 | YOU HAVE TO CONSTANTLY KEEP IT MOVING. |
| 317 | STIR AND DRINK. STIR AND DRINK. |
| 318 | NEVER LET IT SETTLE. |
| 319 | HEY, THIS IS RIDICULOUS. I'LL TELL YOU WHAT, |
| 320 | AFTER I GET BACK FROM MY NIECE'S CHRISTENING |
| 321 | I'LL GO DOWN TO THE COFFEE HOUSE WITH YOU |
| 322 | AND WE'LL ALL HAVE A NICE CUP OF COFFEE, ALL RIGHT? |
| 323 | NO PROBLEM. JOEY'S THERE. |
| 324 | OKAY. |
| 325 | NO. |
| 326 | NO? NO. |
| 327 | I DON'T WANT TO HAVE TO HAVE JOEY WITH ME |
| 328 | EVERY TIME I WANT A DECENT CUP OF COFFEE |
| 329 | AND I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE REST OF MY LIFE |
| 330 | DRINKING CAPPUCCINO WITH A "K". |
| 331 | I SAY YOU AND I GO BACK THERE |
| 332 | AND STAND UP TO THOSE GUYS. |
| 333 | ALL RIGHT. HANG ON A SECOND THERE, CUSTER. |
| 334 | REALLY. ROSS, HAVE YOU EVER BEEN BEATEN UP BEFORE? |
| 335 | YEAH, SURE. |
| 336 | BY SOMEONE BESIDES MONICA? |
| 337 | NO. |
| 338 | SO WHAT? SO WHAT IF WE GET BEATEN UP? |
| 339 | MAYBE THAT'S JUST SOMETHING EVERY MAN HAS TO GO THROUGH |
| 340 | ONCE IN HIS LIFE. |
| 341 | LIKE A RITE OF PASSAGE OR SOMETHING. |
| 342 | WELL, COULDN'T WE JUST LOSE OUR VIRGINITIES AGAIN? |
| 343 | YOU KNOW, BECAUSE I THINK, ACTUALLY, MINE'S GROWING BACK. |
| 344 | NEED TO BORROW A HUNDRED BUCKS. WHAT? |
| 345 | HI. WELCOME HOME. |
| 346 | I NEED TO BORROW A HUNDRED BUCKS. FOR WHAT? |
| 347 | I GOT TO GET BACK IN THE GAME. |
| 348 | WHEN DID YOU GET OUT OF THE GAME? |
| 349 | I DON'T KNOW. I LOST IT ALL, OKAY? |
| 350 | I LOST IT. OH, NO. |
| 351 | HEY, I'VE COME TO TERMS WITH IT. |
| 352 | YOU HAVE TO TOO. |
| 353 | OKAY. |
| 354 | LOOK, UH... |
| 355 | MON, I'M-I'M REALLY SORRY. |
| 356 | WHERE ARE WE ON THE HUNDRED BUCKS? |
| 357 | I DON'T HAVE IT. |
| 358 | BUT I NEED IT! |
| 359 | OTHERWISE, I'M GOING TO HAVE TO TAKE |
| 360 | THAT HORRIBLE DINER JOB. |
| 361 | YOU KNOW, WITH THE DANCING AND THE COSTUMES. |
| 362 | I DON'T WANT TO HAVE TO WEAR FLAME-RETARDANT BOOBS. |
| 363 | NOBODY DOES, HONEY. |
| 364 | HI. SHNOODLE! |
| 365 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 366 | WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO MY DOG? |
| 367 | WELL, IT WAS AN ACCIDENT |
| 368 | AND, YOU KNOW, THE WOMAN WHO DID THIS |
| 369 | WOULD NEVER EVER HURT A DOG ON PURPOSE. |
| 370 | SHE'S A VEGETARIAN. |
| 371 | WHAT ARE THESE? STITCHES? |
| 372 | YEAH, EIGHT OF THEM. |
| 373 | AND THAT'S 56 TO HIM. |
| 374 | YOU KNOW, ALSO, IF IT'S RAINING |
| 375 | YOU CAN'T LET HIM LOOK UP TOO LONG |
| 376 | 'CAUSE THAT CONE'LL FILL UP REALLY FAST. |
| 377 | YEAH. WELL, THANKS |
| 378 | FOR BRINGING BACK WHAT'S LEFT OF HIM. |
| 379 | IS FRANK HOME? |
| 380 | HOW DO YOU KNOW FRANK? |
| 381 | JUST FROM A LONG TIME AGO. |
| 382 | IS HE HERE? |
| 383 | YEAH. |
| 384 | FRANK? |
| 385 | Frank: YEAH? |
| 386 | WHAT? |
| 387 | OH, OKAY. |
| 388 | UM, I MEAN FRANK, SR. |
| 389 | HE WENT OUT FOR GROCERIES. |
| 390 | SO WILL HE BE BACK SOON? |
| 391 | WELL, HE LEFT FOUR YEARS AGO |
| 392 | SO WE'RE EXPECTING HIM BACK ANY MINUTE NOW. |
| 393 | ALL RIGHT. I'M-I'M GOING TO GO. |
| 394 | I'M SORRY... ABOUT THE DOG, EVERYTHING. |
| 395 | I'M SORRY. |
| 396 | HEY, LADY. |
| 397 | HEY, WAIT UP. |
| 398 | ( clears throat ) |
| 399 | HOW DO YOU KNOW MY DAD? |
| 400 | UM, WELL, I DON'T REALLY. |
| 401 | JUST GENETICALLY. |
| 402 | HE'S KIND OF MY DAD TOO. |
| 403 | HEAVY. |
| 404 | YEAH. |
| 405 | SO, UM... DID HE EVER TALK ABOUT ME-- PHOEBE? |
| 406 | NAH, BUT HE DIDN'T REALLY TALK ABOUT ANYTHING. |
| 407 | OH. |
| 408 | EXCEPT STILTS. |
| 409 | STILTS? |
| 410 | YEAH. HE LOVED STILTS. |
| 411 | THIS ONE TIME I WAS UPSTAIRS. |
| 412 | I WAS STEALING CIGARETTES OUT OF MY MOM'S PURSE |
| 413 | AND, UH, ALL OF A SUDDEN, I LOOK OVER |
| 414 | AND THERE'S MY DAD'S HEAD BOBBING PAST THE WINDOW. |
| 415 | HE JUST HAD THIS BIG SMILE ON HIS FACE |
| 416 | AND HE WAS WAVING, 'CAUSE HE WAS ALWAYS HAPPIEST |
| 417 | WHEN HE WAS ON HIS STILTS. |
| 418 | WOW. |
| 419 | YEAH. |
| 420 | I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH THAT. |
| 421 | ME NEITHER. |
| 422 | ( both laughing ) |
| 423 | SO, YOU'RE, LIKE, MY BIG SISTER? |
| 424 | YEAH. |
| 425 | THIS IS HUGE. YOU CAN BUY ME BEER. |
| 426 | I'M NOT GONNA. OH. |
| 427 | BUT YOU KNOW WHAT'S COOL? |
| 428 | IF YOU HAD A FRIEND NAMED PETE |
| 429 | THEN I COULD SAY, "YEAH, I KNOW PETE. |
| 430 | HE'S FRIENDS WITH MY BROTHER." |
| 431 | I GOT A FRIEND NAMED MARK. |
| 432 | THAT'LL WORK TOO. |
| 433 | COOL. ALL RIGHT. |
| 434 | SO... MAYBE, YOU KNOW |
| 435 | I CAN GIVE YOU A CALL SOMETIME. |
| 436 | WE COULD TALK OR SOMETHING. |
| 437 | YEAH. THAT'D BE OKAY. |
| 438 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 439 | I'M IN THE BOOK. |
| 440 | OKAY, YEAH. |
| 441 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 442 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 443 | SO, UM, STILTS, HUH? |
| 444 | YEAH. IF YOU WANT I CAN TAKE YOU AROUND BACK |
| 445 | AND SHOW YOU WHERE HE HIT HIS HEAD ON THE RAIN GUTTER. |
| 446 | OKAY. |
| 447 | WELL, WE DID IT. WE'RE HERE. |
| 448 | WE ARE STANDING OUR GROUND. |
| 449 | HOW LONG DOES A CUP OF COFFEE TAKE? |
| 450 | WOULD YOU COME ON?! COME ON! |
| 451 | THANK YOU. |
| 452 | WELL, THERE WE GO. |
| 453 | I THINK WE PROVED OUR POINT. |
| 454 | YOU BURN YOUR MOUTH? |
| 455 | CANNOT FEEL MY TONGUE. |
| 456 | BULLIES. BIG BULLIES. |
| 457 | OH, LOOK WHO'S HERE. |
| 458 | IT'S THE WEENIES. |
| 459 | DID WE NOT MAKE OURSELVES CLEAR THE OTHER DAY? |
| 460 | YEAH, AND THAT'S WHY WE'RE HERE. |
| 461 | YES. WE'RE STANDING OUR GROUND. |
| 462 | APPARENTLY. |
| 463 | LET'S DO THIS. |
| 464 | WHAT DO YOU GOT? A WEAPON? |
| 465 | IT'S A NICE WATCH. |
| 466 | I DON'T WANT TO BREAK IT ON YOUR RIBS |
| 467 | ALL RIGHT, LET'S DO THIS. |
| 468 | QUESTION. IF I DON'T CARE ABOUT MY WATCH |
| 469 | CAN I USE IT AS A WEAPON? |
| 470 | WHAT DO YOU MEAN? |
| 471 | WELL, IT'S SHARP. IT'S METAL. |
| 472 | I THINK I CAN DO SOME YOU KNOW, |
| 473 | SERIOUS DAMAGE WITH IT. |
| 474 | NO, YOU CAN'T USE YOUR WATCH. |
| 475 | OKAY. |
| 476 | OR YOUR KEYS. |
| 477 | OKAY. |
| 478 | LOOK, HERE'S WHAT WE'LL DO. |
| 479 | WE'LL PUT ALL KEYS AND WATCHES |
| 480 | IN THE HAT OVER THERE. |
| 481 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 482 | ALL RIGHT, COME ON, MAN! |
| 483 | LET'S DO THIS ALREADY! |
| 484 | BEFORE I FORGET, ARE WE HITTING FACES? |
| 485 | OF COURSE WE'RE HITTING FACES. WHY WOULDN'T YOU HIT FACES? |
| 486 | WELL, BECAUSE I HAVE TO WORK ON MONDAY. |
| 487 | I HAVE A BIG PRESENTATION. |
| 488 | YOU KNOW, I GOT TO SHOW THIS APARTMENT TOMORROW |
| 489 | AND, YOU KNOW, THIS NO-FACES THING |
| 490 | MIGHT NOT BE A BAD IDEA. |
| 491 | OKAY. NOTHING FROM THE NECK UP. |
| 492 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 493 | OR THE WAIST DOWN. |
| 494 | DANA'S OVULATING. |
| 495 | OH REALLY, YOU GUYS TRYING AGAIN? |
| 496 | YEAH. |
| 497 | SO LET ME JUST GET THIS STRAIGHT. |
| 498 | SO, WE'RE STRICTLY TALKING ABOUT THE MIDDLE? |
| 499 | COME ON! |
| 500 | YOU WANT SOME OF THIS, HUH?! |
| 501 | YOU WANT A PIECE OF THIS, HUH? |
| 502 | I'M STANDING HERE! |
| 503 | HEY, HEY! THOSE GUYS |
| 504 | ARE TAKING OUR STUFF! |
| 505 | WHERE?! |
| 506 | GET OUT OF THE WAY! |
| 507 | LOOK OUT! |
| 508 | GOD! THAT WAS AMAZING. THAT WAS INCREDIBLE. |
| 509 | YOU GUYS KICKED BUTT. US? WHAT ABOUT YOU GUYS? |
| 510 | MAN, YOU REALLY GAVE IT TO OL' MR. CLEAN BACK THERE. |
| 511 | HE WAS A BIG GUY. |
| 512 | YEAH, HE WAS, WASN'T HE? |
| 513 | I WOULDN'T KNOW, HAVING MISSED EVERYTHING. |
| 514 | DON'T DO THAT TO YOURSELF. |
| 515 | ANYONE OF US COULD HAVE TRIPPED OVER |
| 516 | THAT LITTLE GIRL'S JUMP ROPE. |
| 517 | SO, LISTEN, GUYS, ARE WE, UH... |
| 518 | ARE WE OKAY HERE? |
| 519 | WE'RE OKAY. |
| 520 | OKAY. SO, CAN I HAVE MY HAT BACK? |
| 521 | NO. |
| 522 | HUH. |
| 523 | LOOK AT HER. |
| 524 | HI, MONICA. |
| 525 | Joey: HOW'S IT GOING? |
| 526 | HEY, NICE BOOBS. |
| 527 | Chandler: GUYS, GUYS CHECK THIS OUT. |
| 528 | ( "Y.M.C.A." by The Village People playing ) |
| 529 | ♪ Young man ♪ |
| 530 | ♪ there's no need to feel down ♪ |
| 531 | ♪ I said, young man, pick yourself off the ground ♪ |
| 532 | ♪ I said, young man... ♪ |
| 533 | Joey: EXCELLENT. EXCELLENT. |
| 534 | ♪ there's no need to be unhappy ♪ |
| 535 | ♪ It's fun to stay at the Y.M.C.A. ♪ |
| 536 | ♪ It's fun to stay at the Y.M.C.A. ♪ |
| 537 | |
| 1 | SO, I'LL GET CANDLES |
| 2 | AND MY MOM'S LACE TABLECLOTH. |
| 3 | SINCE IT'S RACHEL'S BIRTHDAY |
| 4 | AND WE WANT IT TO BE SPECIAL |
| 5 | I THOUGHT I'D POACH A SALMON. |
| 6 | ( all groan ) |
| 7 | WHAT? |
| 8 | QUESTION: WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE PARTIES |
| 9 | WHERE YOU POACH THINGS? |
| 10 | YOU WANT TO BE IN CHARGE OF THE FOOD COMMITTEE? |
| 11 | QUESTION TWO: WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE PARTIES WITH COMMITTEES? |
| 12 | Joey: YEAH, REALLY. WHY CAN'T WE |
| 13 | JUST GET SOME PIZZAS AND BEER AND HAVE FUN? |
| 14 | YEAH, I AGREE. |
| 15 | I THINK FANCY PARTIES ARE ONLY FUN |
| 16 | IF YOU'RE FANCY ON THE INSIDE |
| 17 | AND I'M JUST NOT SURE WE ARE. |
| 18 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 19 | YOU GUYS DON'T WANT IT TO BE SPECIAL. |
| 20 | JOEY, THEY'RE NOT REAL. |
| 21 | HUH? WHAT? |
| 22 | I START MILES BENEATH THE SURFACE OF THESE THINGS. |
| 23 | THEY'RE FAKE. |
| 24 | SEE? HONK, HONK. |
| 25 | WOW, IT'S... |
| 26 | IT'S LIKE PORNO FOR CLOWNS. |
| 27 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 28 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 29 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 30 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 31 | ♪ WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY, YOUR WEEK |
| 32 | ♪ YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 33 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 34 | ♪ WHEN THE RAIN STARTS TO POUR ♪ |
| 35 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 36 | ♪ LIKE I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE ♪ |
| 37 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 38 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME TOO. ♪ |
| 39 | I TALKED TO RACHEL'S SISTERS. |
| 40 | NEITHER OF THEM CAN COME. |
| 41 | OKAY. SO I STILL HAVE TO INVITE DYLAN |
| 42 | AND EMMA AND SHANNON COOPER. |
| 43 | WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. |
| 44 | UH, NO SHANNON COOPER. |
| 45 | WHY NOT HER? |
| 46 | 'CAUSE SHE, UH... |
| 47 | SHE STEALS STUFF. |
| 48 | OR MAYBE SHE DOESN'T STEAL STUFF AND JOEY JUST SLEPT WITH HER |
| 49 | AND NEVER CALLED HER BACK. |
| 50 | JOEY, THAT IS HORRIBLE. |
| 51 | HEY, I LIKED HER, ALL RIGHT? |
| 52 | MAYBE TOO MUCH. |
| 53 | I DON'T KNOW. I... |
| 54 | GUESS I JUST GOT SCARED. |
| 55 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 56 | I'M SORRY. I DIDN'T KNOW. |
| 57 | I DIDN'T THINK ANYONE WOULD BUY THAT. OKAY. |
| 58 | HI, HONEY. HOW DID IT GO? |
| 59 | OH, IT WAS THE GRADUATION FROM HELL. |
| 60 | MY COUSIN WENT TO HELL |
| 61 | ON A FOOTBALL SCHOLARSHIP. |
| 62 | Rachel: YOU KNOW, I MEAN |
| 63 | THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE A JOYOUS OCCASION. |
| 64 | MY SISTER'S GRADUATING FROM COLLEGE |
| 65 | NOBODY THOUGHT SHE WOULD. |
| 66 | IT'S A TRUE TESTAMENT TO WHAT A GIRL FROM LONG ISLAND |
| 67 | WOULD DO FOR A CELICA. |
| 68 | SO WHAT HAPPENED? |
| 69 | MY PARENTS HAPPENED. |
| 70 | ALL THEY HAD TO DO WAS SIT IN THE SAME STADIUM |
| 71 | SMILE PROUDLY AND NOT TALK ABOUT THE DIVORCE |
| 72 | BUT NO-O-O-O. |
| 73 | THEY GOT INTO A HUGE FIGHT |
| 74 | IN THE MIDDLE OF THE COMMENCEMENT ADDRESS. |
| 75 | BISHOP TUTU ACTUALLY HAD TO STOP AND SHUSH THEM. |
| 76 | BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 77 | YOU KNOW WHAT THE GOOD NEWS IS? |
| 78 | I GET TO SERVE COFFEE FOR THE NEXT EIGHT HOURS. |
| 79 | OKAY, SO I GUESS WE DON'T INVITE HER PARENTS. |
| 80 | WELL, HOW ABOUT JUST HER MOM? |
| 81 | WHY HER MOM? |
| 82 | 'CAUSE I ALREADY INVITED HER. |
| 83 | OOH, OOH, DID YOU ASK STACEY ROTH? |
| 84 | OH, CAN'T INVITE HER. |
| 85 | SHE ALSO STEALS. |
| 86 | OKAY, HERE ARE THE BIRTHDAY CANDLES. |
| 87 | WHERE'S THE BIRTHDAY CAKE? |
| 88 | WE'RE NOT HAVING BIRTHDAY CAKE. |
| 89 | WE'RE HAVING BIRTHDAY FLAN. |
| 90 | EXCUSE ME? |
| 91 | A TRADITIONAL MEXICAN CUSTARD DESSERT. |
| 92 | OH, THAT'S NICE. |
| 93 | "HAPPY BIRTHDAY, RACHEL. |
| 94 | HERE'S SOME GOO." |
| 95 | ( knocking ) |
| 96 | DR. GREEN. |
| 97 | OH, MY GOD, IT'S RACHEL'S DAD. |
| 98 | WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? |
| 99 | WHAT, THE FATHER CAN'T SEE |
| 100 | THE DAUGHTER ON HER BIRTHDAY? |
| 101 | NO, NO. THE FATHER CAN. |
| 102 | BUT, UM... |
| 103 | SINCE I AM THE ROOMMATE |
| 104 | I CAN TELL YOU THAT SHE'S NOT HERE |
| 105 | AND I'LL PASS ALONG THE MESSAGE, OKAY? |
| 106 | SO BYE-BYE. |
| 107 | OH! YOU'RE HAVING A PAR-TY. |
| 108 | NO, NO, NOT A PARTY. |
| 109 | JUST A SURPRISE GATHERING OF SOME PEOPLE RACHEL KNOWS. |
| 110 | THIS IS PHOEBE AND CHANDLER AND JOEY. |
| 111 | I'LL NEVER REMEMBER ALL OF THAT. |
| 112 | SO, UH... WHAT'S THE DEAL? |
| 113 | RACHEL COMES HOME |
| 114 | PEOPLE POP OUT AND YELL STUFF? |
| 115 | IS THAT IT? |
| 116 | THIS ISN'T YOUR FIRST SURPRISE PARTY, IS IT, SIR? |
| 117 | ( knocking ) |
| 118 | HI, MONICA. |
| 119 | CHINESE MENU GUY. |
| 120 | FORGOT THE MENUS. |
| 121 | SO, BASICALLY, JUST A CHINESE GUY. |
| 122 | ( knocking ) |
| 123 | UH, HEY, DR. GREEN, WHY DON'T YOU COME WITH ME. |
| 124 | WE'LL PUT YOUR JACKET ON RACHEL'S BED. |
| 125 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 126 | THAT SOUNDS LIKE A TWO-PERSON JOB. |
| 127 | WELL, MY GOODNESS, WHAT WAS THAT? |
| 128 | SANDRA, I AM SO SORRY. |
| 129 | I THOUGHT YOU WERE RACHEL |
| 130 | AND WE JUST WEREN'T READY FOR YOU YET. |
| 131 | YOU THOUGHT I WAS RACHEL? |
| 132 | YES, BECAUSE YOU LOOK SO YOUNG. |
| 133 | AND BECAUSE YOU'RE BOTH, YOU KNOW, WHITE WOMEN. |
| 134 | OH, I MISSED YOU KIDS. |
| 135 | WELL, SHOULD I PUT MY COAT IN THE BEDROOM? |
| 136 | NO! |
| 137 | NO, I'LL TAKE THAT FOR YOU. |
| 138 | OH, WELL, THANK YOU. |
| 139 | SUCH A GENTLEMAN. |
| 140 | THANK YOU. |
| 141 | OH... |
| 142 | IT ALL LOOKS SO NICE. |
| 143 | SO FESTIVE, ALL THE BALLOONS. |
| 144 | OH, THE FUNNIEST THING HAPPENED TO ME ON THE WAY HERE. |
| 145 | I WAS DRI... |
| 146 | ( laughing ): THAT'S GREAT. |
| 147 | I CAN'T WAIT |
| 148 | TO HEAR THE REST OF IT |
| 149 | BUT I REALLY HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM, SO... |
| 150 | HEY, COME WITH ME. |
| 151 | WHAT? |
| 152 | IT'LL BE LIKE WE'RE GAL PALS |
| 153 | LIKE AT A RESTAURANT. |
| 154 | OH, IT'LL BE FUN. |
| 155 | COME ON, COME ON. |
| 156 | OH, MY GOD, OH, MY GOD, OH, MY GOD. |
| 157 | OKAY, THINK. |
| 158 | THINK. |
| 159 | WHAT WOULD JACK AND CHRISSY DO? |
| 160 | OKAY, NOW THAT YOUR COAT |
| 161 | IS SAFELY IN THE BED... |
| 162 | OKAY, WE CAN COME BACK OUT IN THE LIVING ROOM. |
| 163 | Monica: SO, JOEY AND CHANDLER |
| 164 | IT'S TIME THAT YOU TAKE DR. GREEN OVER TO YOUR PLACE. |
| 165 | UH, YES. ABSOLUTELY. |
| 166 | UM... |
| 167 | WHY AGAIN? |
| 168 | BECAUSE THAT'S WHERE THE PARTY IS, YOU GOON. |
| 169 | THIS IS JUST THE STAGING AREA. |
| 170 | IT'S THE STAGING AREA. |
| 171 | THIS MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE |
| 172 | IS THE STAGING AREA. |
| 173 | THIS IS CLEARLY IN THE WRONG APARTMENT. |
| 174 | ALL RIGHT, YOU GUYS ARE OFF TO PARTY NUMBER ONE. |
| 175 | AND YOU... OOH, YOU-- |
| 176 | ARE OFF TO PARTY NUMBER TWO. |
| 177 | ALL RIGHT, FELLAS, LET'S KEEP IT MOVING. |
| 178 | LET'S KEEP IT MOVING. |
| 179 | Monica: CHANDLER, COULD YOU |
| 180 | AT LEAST SEND SOME WOMEN TO MY PARTY? |
| 181 | ( buzzer ringing ) |
| 182 | OKAY, THAT'S ROSS. |
| 183 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 184 | OKAY, THEY'RE COMING. SHH! |
| 185 | OH... THANK YOU FOR SUCH A WONDERFUL DINNER. |
| 186 | THANKS FOR BEING BORN. |
| 187 | OH... THANK YOU FOR MY BEAUTIFUL EARRINGS. |
| 188 | THEY'RE PERFECT. |
| 189 | OH... |
| 190 | I LOVE YOU. |
| 191 | OH... NOW, YOU CAN EXCHANGE THEM |
| 192 | IF YOU WANT, OKAY? |
| 193 | NOW I LOVE YOU EVEN MORE. |
| 194 | All: SURPRISE! |
| 195 | OH, MY GOSH! |
| 196 | WOW! |
| 197 | MONICA... |
| 198 | OH, MY GOD! |
| 199 | MOM! |
| 200 | THIS IS SO GREAT! |
| 201 | HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SWEETIE. |
| 202 | WOW, YOU... |
| 203 | YOU! |
| 204 | I HAD NO IDEA. |
| 205 | REALLY? |
| 206 | NO, I KNEW. |
| 207 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 208 | THERE'S FOOD AND DRINKS ON THE TABLE. |
| 209 | GO ACROSS THE HALL. |
| 210 | WHAT? |
| 211 | JOEY AND CHANDLER'S. |
| 212 | WHY? |
| 213 | JUST GO. |
| 214 | All: SURPRISE! |
| 215 | ( laughing ) |
| 216 | ( gasps ) |
| 217 | HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SWEET PEA. |
| 218 | DADDY! |
| 219 | ( strained laughter ) |
| 220 | BOTH OF THEM ARE HERE?! |
| 221 | BOTH OF THEM?! BOTH OF THEM ARE HERE?! |
| 222 | WELL, WE COULD COUNT AGAIN. |
| 223 | OH, GOD. I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS IS HAPPENING. |
| 224 | THIS IS RIDICULOUS. |
| 225 | THIS IS YOUR BIRTHDAY, THIS IS YOUR PARTY. |
| 226 | I SAY WE JUST PUT THEM ALL TOGETHER |
| 227 | AND IF THEY CAN'T DEAL WITH IT, WHO CARES? |
| 228 | I DO! |
| 229 | THAT'S WHO. |
| 230 | LOOK, ARE YOU GOING TO BE OKAY? |
| 231 | WELL, I HAVE TO BE. |
| 232 | I DON'T REALLY HAVE A CHOICE. |
| 233 | I COULD LOOK AT THE BRIGHT SIDE. |
| 234 | I GET TWO BIRTHDAY PARTIES AND TWO BIRTHDAY CAKES. |
| 235 | WELL, ACTUALLY... |
| 236 | JUST ONE BIRTHDAY FLAN. |
| 237 | WHAT? |
| 238 | IT'S A TRADITIONAL MEXICAN CUSTARD DESSERT. |
| 239 | LOOK, TALK TO MONICA. |
| 240 | SHE'S ON THE FOOD COMMITTEE. |
| 241 | I CAN'T... |
| 242 | JOE! JOE! |
| 243 | HEY, SOME GIRL JUST WALKED UP TO ME |
| 244 | AND SAID, "I WANT YOU, DENNIS" |
| 245 | AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT. |
| 246 | I LOVE THIS PARTY. |
| 247 | NICE! |
| 248 | QUICK VOLLEYBALL QUESTION. |
| 249 | VOLLEYBALL. |
| 250 | YEAH, WE SET UP A COURT IN YOUR ROOM. |
| 251 | UH, YOU DIDN'T REALLY LIKE THAT GRAY LAMP, DID YOU? |
| 252 | JOEY, A WOMAN JUST STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT. |
| 253 | I'M NOT EVEN LISTENING TO YOU. |
| 254 | Woman: DENNIS! |
| 255 | OKAY, THAT'S ME. |
| 256 | HONEY, CAN YOU KEEP DAD OCCUPIED? |
| 257 | I'M GOING TO GO TALK TO MOM FOR A WHILE. |
| 258 | OKAY, DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEAS FOR ANY OPENERS? |
| 259 | UH, LET'S JUST STAY CLEAR |
| 260 | OF "I'M THE GUY THAT'S DOING YOUR DAUGHTER" |
| 261 | AND YOU SHOULD BE OKAY. |
| 262 | RIGHT. |
| 263 | OKAY, PEOPLE, I WANT YOU TO TAKE A PIECE OF PAPER-- |
| 264 | HERE YOU GO-- |
| 265 | AND WRITE DOWN YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING MEMORY |
| 266 | AND I DO ASK THAT WHEN YOU'RE NOT USING THE MARKERS |
| 267 | YOU PUT THE CAPS BACK ON THEM BECAUSE THEY WILL DRY OUT. |
| 268 | HI, DR. GREEN. |
| 269 | SO... HOW'S EVERYTHING |
| 270 | IN THE VASCULAR SURGERY... |
| 271 | GAME? |
| 272 | IT'S NOT A GAME, ROSS. |
| 273 | A WOMAN DIED ON MY TABLE TODAY. |
| 274 | I'M SORRY. |
| 275 | SEE, THAT'S THE GOOD THING ABOUT MY JOB. |
| 276 | ALL THE DINOSAURS ON MY TABLE |
| 277 | ARE ALREADY DEAD. |
| 278 | LISTEN, YOU GUYS |
| 279 | I DON'T MEAN TO BE A PAIN ABOUT THIS |
| 280 | BUT I'VE NOTICED THAT SOME OF YOU |
| 281 | ARE JUST PLACING THEM ON. |
| 282 | YOU WANT TO PUSH THE CAPS... |
| 283 | UNTIL YOU HEAR THEM CLICK. |
| 284 | ( clicking ) |
| 285 | GUNTHER? |
| 286 | WHERE YOU GOING? |
| 287 | I WAS SORT OF THINKING ABOUT MAYBE... |
| 288 | NO! NO, YOU CAN'T GO! |
| 289 | NO, THIS IS FUN. |
| 290 | COME ON. WE'RE JUST GETTING STARTED. |
| 291 | HERE. HERE'S YOUR MARKER. |
| 292 | LISTEN, IF YOU WANT TO GO, JUST GO. |
| 293 | NO. SHE'LL YELL AT ME AGAIN. |
| 294 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 295 | I CAN GET YOU OUT. |
| 296 | WHAT? |
| 297 | SHH. |
| 298 | IN A MINUTE, I'M GOING TO CREATE A DIVERSION. |
| 299 | WHEN I DO, WALK QUICKLY TO THE DOOR |
| 300 | AND DON'T LOOK BACK. |
| 301 | I THINK I NEED A DRINK. |
| 302 | I'LL GET IT FOR YOU. |
| 303 | WHAT DO YOU WANT? |
| 304 | SCOTCH. |
| 305 | SCOTCH. |
| 306 | ALL RIGHT, I'LL BE BACK IN TEN SECONDS |
| 307 | WITH YOUR SCOTCH ON THE ROCKS IN A GLASS. |
| 308 | NEAT. |
| 309 | COOL. |
| 310 | NO, NO, NO. NO, NO, NO. |
| 311 | "NEAT," AS IN "NO ROCKS." |
| 312 | I KNOW. |
| 313 | OH, HELLO, ROSS. |
| 314 | NOW, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? |
| 315 | HI. |
| 316 | I HAVE BEEN IN THE BATHROOM. |
| 317 | STAY CLEAR OF THE SALMON MOUSSE. |
| 318 | OH... SCOTCH, NEAT. |
| 319 | YOU KNOW, THAT'S RACHEL'S FATHER'S DRINK. |
| 320 | WHOA. MINE TOO. |
| 321 | ISN'T THAT NEAT? |
| 322 | SCOTCH NEAT. |
| 323 | WOULD YOU EXCUSE ME? |
| 324 | HEY-EY. HEY. |
| 325 | WHERE ARE YOU SNEAKING OFF TO, MISTER? |
| 326 | I'M GETTING MY CIGARETTES OUT OF MY JACKET. |
| 327 | NO, NO. |
| 328 | WHAT DO YOU MEAN, "NO?" |
| 329 | NO. UM, SEE, 'CAUSE... THAT'S THE STAGING AREA. |
| 330 | YOU GO IN THERE, IT'LL RUIN |
| 331 | THE WHOLE ILLUSION OF THE PARTY. |
| 332 | YEAH. |
| 333 | I THINK YOU TAKE YOUR SCOTCH BACK IN THERE |
| 334 | AND I WILL GET YOUR CIGARETTES FOR YOU, SIR. |
| 335 | AND GET MY GLASSES TOO. |
| 336 | ALL RIGHTY-ROO. |
| 337 | WHAT A GREAT MOMENT TO SAY THAT FOR THE FIRST TIME. |
| 338 | OKAY, AND THE FIRST PERSON'S |
| 339 | MOST EMBARRASSING MEMORY IS: |
| 340 | "MONICA, YOUR PARTY SUCKS." |
| 341 | ALL RIGHT. VERY FUNNY. |
| 342 | OH, NO! OOH, OOH. |
| 343 | DID SOMEONE FORGET TO USE A COASTER? |
| 344 | WHAT?! |
| 345 | I DON'T SEE ANYTHING. |
| 346 | GREAT! I'M SEEING WATER RINGS AGAIN. |
| 347 | ROSS... WHOSE GLASSES ARE THOSE? |
| 348 | MINE. |
| 349 | YOU WEAR BIFOCALS? |
| 350 | MM-HMM. |
| 351 | I HAVE A CONDITION... |
| 352 | APPARENTLY |
| 353 | THAT I REQUIRE |
| 354 | TWO DIFFERENT SETS OF FOCALS. |
| 355 | DO YOU KNOW MY HUSBAND HAS GLASSES |
| 356 | JUST LIKE THAT? |
| 357 | WELL, THOSE ARE VERY POPULAR FRAMES. |
| 358 | NEIL SEDAKA WEARS THEM. |
| 359 | I HEAR YOU CAN GET PEOPLE OUT OF HERE. |
| 360 | RACHEL? |
| 361 | YEAH? |
| 362 | YOU DIDN'T TELL ME YOUR BOYFRIEND SMOKES. |
| 363 | YEAH, LIKE A CHIMNEY. |
| 364 | OH, BIG SMOKER. |
| 365 | BIG, BIG SMOKER. |
| 366 | IN FACT, I'M GOING TO GO OUT INTO THE HALLWAY |
| 367 | AND FIRE UP THIS BAD BOY. |
| 368 | ARE YOU WEARING MY GLASSES? |
| 369 | YES. |
| 370 | I WAS JUST WARMING UP THE EARPIECES FOR YOU. |
| 371 | THANK YOU. |
| 372 | IS THAT ONE OF MY CIGARETTES? |
| 373 | YEAH. |
| 374 | YES, IT IS. |
| 375 | I WAS JUST MOISTENING THE TIP. |
| 376 | OKAY, SHE'S TAKING THE TRASH OUT |
| 377 | SO I CAN GET YOU OUT OF HERE |
| 378 | BUT IT HAS TO BE NOW. |
| 379 | SHE'LL BE BACK ANY MINUTE. |
| 380 | WHAT ABOUT MY FRIEND, VICTOR? |
| 381 | NOPE. ONLY THE THREE OF YOU. |
| 382 | ANY MORE THAN THAT, SHE'LL GET SUSPICIOUS. |
| 383 | LET ME JUST GET MY COAT. |
| 384 | THERE ISN'T TIME. |
| 385 | YOU MUST LEAVE EVERYTHING. |
| 386 | THEY'LL TAKE CARE OF YOU NEXT DOOR. |
| 387 | IS IT TRUE THEY HAVE BEER? |
| 388 | EVERYTHING YOU'VE HEARD IS TRUE. |
| 389 | COULD YOU GUYS |
| 390 | PLEASE TRY TO KEEP IT DOWN? |
| 391 | WE'RE TRYING TO START A BOGGLE TOURNAMENT. |
| 392 | YOU! |
| 393 | AND YOU! |
| 394 | YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE |
| 395 | AT MY PARTY! |
| 396 | AND GUNTHER! |
| 397 | WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? |
| 398 | UM... |
| 399 | OKAY, WELCOME TO THE FUN... |
| 400 | PHOEBE. |
| 401 | ALL RIGHT, I'M SORRY |
| 402 | BUT THESE PEOPLE NEEDED ME. |
| 403 | THEY WORK HARD ALL WEEK. |
| 404 | IT'S SATURDAY NIGHT. |
| 405 | THEY DESERVE TO HAVE A LITTLE FUN. GO! |
| 406 | YOU KNOW, MY PARTY IS FUN. |
| 407 | MAYBE IT'S A LITTLE QUIETER, LESS OBVIOUS SORT OF FUN |
| 408 | BUT IF PEOPLE WOULD JUST GIVE IT A CHANCE, IT'S... |
| 409 | YOU WANT ME TO SEE A THERAPIST? |
| 410 | SWEETHEART, YOU OBVIOUSLY HAVE A PROBLEM. |
| 411 | YOU'VE CHOSEN A BOYFRIEND EXACTLY LIKE YOUR FATHER. |
| 412 | OKAY, MOM. YOU KNOW WHAT? FINE. |
| 413 | I'LL MAKE AN APPOINTMENT |
| 414 | BUT, YOU KNOW WHAT? RIGHT NOW I GOT TO GO... |
| 415 | I GOT TO GO DO A THING. |
| 416 | DID YOU KNOW YOUR MOTHER SPENT |
| 417 | $1,200 ON BONSAI TREES? |
| 418 | I FELT LIKE GULLIVER AROUND THAT PLACE. |
| 419 | OH, DADDY, I REALLY WANT TO HEAR MORE ABOUT THIS |
| 420 | I REALLY DO, BUT I JUST HAVE TO... |
| 421 | I JUST HAVE TO DO SOME... SOME STUFF. |
| 422 | YOU WORK AND YOU WORK AND YOU WORK AT A MARRIAGE |
| 423 | BUT ALL HE CARES ABOUT IS HIS STUPID BOAT. |
| 424 | YOU WORK AND YOU WORK AND YOU WORK ON A BOAT... |
| 425 | HE ALWAYS RIDICULED MY POTTERY CLASSES... |
| 426 | AND YOU SAND IT AND YOUR VARNISH IT... |
| 427 | BUT WHEN ALL IS SAID AND DONE |
| 428 | HE STILL DRINKS OUT OF THE MUGS. |
| 429 | ONE NIGHT, FROM HER YOGA |
| 430 | AND HER BRIDGES OF MADISON COUNTY... |
| 431 | THE SCOTCH, THE CIGARETTES... |
| 432 | THE BONSAIS AND THE CHIHUAHUA... |
| 433 | I MAY HAVE ONLY BEEN IN THERAPY |
| 434 | FOR THREE WEEKS NOW, DEAR, BUT... |
| 435 | WHAT THE HELL DOES SHE WANT |
| 436 | WITH HALF A BOAT? |
| 437 | OKAY, OKAY, OKAY. |
| 438 | YOU CAN BE SHIRTS AND I'LL BE SKINS. |
| 439 | I'LL BE SKINS! |
| 440 | ( sighing ) |
| 441 | HEY. |
| 442 | HOW YOU HOLDING UP, THERE, TIGER? |
| 443 | OH. |
| 444 | SORRY. WHEN MY PARENTS WERE GETTING DIVORCED |
| 445 | I GOT A LOT OF "TIGERS." |
| 446 | GOT A LOT OF "CHAMPS," "CHIEFS," "SPORTS." |
| 447 | I EVEN GOT A "GOVERNOR." |
| 448 | THIS IS IT, ISN'T IT? |
| 449 | I MEAN, THIS IS WHAT |
| 450 | MY LIFE'S GOING TO BE LIKE. |
| 451 | MY MOM THERE, MY DAD THERE. |
| 452 | THANKSGIVING, CHRISTMAS. |
| 453 | SHE GETS THE HOUSE |
| 454 | HE'S IN SOME CONDO |
| 455 | MY SISTER'S GOING TO DECORATE WITH WICKER. |
| 456 | OH, CHANDLER, HOW DID YOU GET THROUGH THIS? |
| 457 | WELL, I RELIED |
| 458 | ON A CAREFULLY REGIMENTED PROGRAM OF DENIAL... |
| 459 | AND WETTING THE BED. |
| 460 | YOU KNOW, I JUST... IT'S SO WEIRD. |
| 461 | I WAS IN THERE JUST LISTENING TO THEM |
| 462 | BITCH ABOUT EACH OTHER. |
| 463 | ALL I KEPT THINKING ABOUT WAS THE FOURTH OF JULY. |
| 464 | BECAUSE IT REMINDED YOU OF THE WAY |
| 465 | OUR FOREFATHERS USED TO BITCH AT EACH OTHER? |
| 466 | IT'S JUST THIS THING. |
| 467 | EVERY YEAR, WE WOULD GO OUT ON MY DAD'S BOAT |
| 468 | AND WATCH THE FIREWORKS. |
| 469 | MOM ALWAYS HATED IT BECAUSE THE OCEAN AIR |
| 470 | MADE HER HAIR ALL BIG |
| 471 | MY SISTER, JILL, WOULD BE THROWING UP OVER THE SIDE |
| 472 | AND MY DAD WOULD BE UPSET BECAUSE NOBODY WAS HELPING |
| 473 | AND THEN WHEN WE DID HELP |
| 474 | HE WOULD SCREAM AT US FOR DOING IT WRONG... |
| 475 | ( sighing ) |
| 476 | BUT THEN WHEN THE FIREWORKS STARTED |
| 477 | EVERYBODY JUST SHUT UP. |
| 478 | YOU KNOW? AND IT'D GET REALLY COLD |
| 479 | AND WE WOULD ALL JUST SORT OF SMUSH UNDER THIS ONE BLANKET. |
| 480 | IT NEVER OCCURRED TO ANYBODY TO BRING ANOTHER ONE. |
| 481 | AND NOW, IT'S... |
| 482 | YEAH, I-I KNOW. |
| 483 | Monica: HEY, THANKS FOR COMING. |
| 484 | I HOPE YOU GUYS HAD FUN. |
| 485 | ALL RIGHT, MONICA, DEAR, I'M GOING TO HIT THE ROAD. |
| 486 | NOW, I'VE LEFT MY TEN VERBS ON THE TABLE. |
| 487 | YOU BE SURE AND SEND ME THAT FINISHED POEM. |
| 488 | OKAY. WILL DO. I'M SO GLAD YOU CAME. |
| 489 | I THINK I SAW RACHEL OUT IN THE HALL? |
| 490 | LET ME GO CHECK. |
| 491 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 492 | YOUR MOM WANTS TO SAY GOOD-BYE. |
| 493 | OH, OKAY. |
| 494 | HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SWEETIE. |
| 495 | OKAY. |
| 496 | UH... YOU DRIVE SAFE. |
| 497 | ROSS, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? |
| 498 | I'M GETTING READY |
| 499 | FOR THE WATER... SKIING. |
| 500 | BIG HUG. ONE MORE BIG HUG. COME ON. |
| 501 | ALL RIGHT, DARLING. |
| 502 | HOW ARE YOU? |
| 503 | DR. GREEN, WHERE YOU GOING? |
| 504 | TO GET MY COAT. |
| 505 | NO, NO, NO! I'LL GET THAT! |
| 506 | ALL RIGHT! ALL RIGHT! I CAN GET MY OWN COAT! |
| 507 | ( cheering and whooping ) |
| 508 | SORRY. WE'RE ON A MAJOR FLAN HIGH. |
| 509 | OH, NO. |
| 510 | NO, YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE HERE. |
| 511 | THIS IS THE STAGING AREA. |
| 512 | IT'S ALL WRONG. YOU SHOULD LEAVE. |
| 513 | YOU KNOW, JUST... |
| 514 | GET OUT. |
| 515 | ( happy yelling ) |
| 516 | OR PERHAPS YOU'D LIKE A CREME DE MENTHE. |
| 517 | I HAVE TO BE HEADING |
| 518 | TOWARD MY CHATEAU. THANK YOU. |
| 519 | THEN I GUESS WE'RE GOING |
| 520 | ( loudly ): BACK INTO THE HALLWAY. |
| 521 | THANKS FOR COMING, MRS. GREEN. |
| 522 | OKAY. |
| 523 | YOU TAKE CARE. |
| 524 | OH, YOU KIDS! |
| 525 | ( giggles ) |
| 526 | WELL... |
| 527 | THIS IS THE BEST PARTY I'VE BEEN TO IN YEARS. |
| 528 | THANK YOU! |
| 529 | Monica: OKAY, EVERYBODY, IT'S TIME FOR FLAN. |
| 530 | Chandler: YEP. GET READY FOR THE GELATINOUS FUN. |
| 531 | Joey: KIND OF LOOKS LIKE THAT STUFF YOU GET |
| 532 | WHEN YOU GET A BAD INFECTION. |
| 533 | ( groaning ) |
| 534 | OKAY, THAT'S ENOUGH. |
| 535 | Phoebe: OKAY, RACHEL, MAKE A SPECIAL FLAN WISH. |
| 536 | Rachel: OKAY, I'VE GOT ONE. |
| 537 | ( cheering ) |
| 538 | Chandler: HEADS UP! |
| 539 | Rachel: WOW! THOSE THINGS ALMOST NEVER COME TRUE. |
| 540 | [Captioned by The Caption Center WGBH Educational Foundation] |
| 541 | |
| 1 | THERE'S ONLY ONE BANANA NUT MUFFIN LEFT. |
| 2 | I ORDERED MINE FIRST. |
| 3 | YEAH, BUT I'M SO MUCH FASTER. |
| 4 | GIVE IT TO ME. |
| 5 | NO. |
| 6 | GIVE IT TO ME! |
| 7 | OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE IT. |
| 8 | THERE YOU GO, ENJOY YOUR COFFEE. |
| 9 | THAT WAS THERE WHEN I GOT HERE. |
| 10 | HEY, YOU WILL NEVER GUESS WHO'S COMING TO NEW YORK. |
| 11 | QUICK, PHOEBE, TELL US BEFORE HE CAN SWALLOW. |
| 12 | RYAN, THAT GUY I WENT OUT WITH WHO'S IN THE NAVY. |
| 13 | ( grunting ) |
| 14 | YOU WENT OUT WITH A GUY IN THE NAVY? |
| 15 | I MET HIM WHEN I WAS PLAYING GUITAR IN THE PARK. |
| 16 | RYAN THREW IN SALT WATER TAFFY, 'CAUSE HE DIDN'T HAVE CHANGE. |
| 17 | IS THAT WHEN YOU WROTE "SALT WATER TAFFY MAN"? |
| 18 | NO. |
| 19 | NO. HE IS MY SUBMARINE GUY. |
| 20 | HE RESURFACES, LIKE, EVERY COUPLE YEARS |
| 21 | AND WE HAVE THE MOST AMAZING THREE DAYS TOGETHER. |
| 22 | ONLY THIS TIME HE'S COMING FOR TWO WEEKS. |
| 23 | TWO WHOLE WEEKS-- WHICH MEANS YAY! |
| 24 | SO THIS GUY GOES DOWN FOR LIKE TWO YEARS AT A TIME? |
| 25 | ( grunting ) |
| 26 | THAT WILL TEACH YOU TO LICK MY MUFFIN. |
| 27 | ( grunting ) |
| 28 | HI. |
| 29 | OH, NO, WHAT HAPPENED? |
| 30 | I JUST SPOKE TO CAROL. |
| 31 | BEN'S GOT THE CHICKEN POX. |
| 32 | YOU'RE KIDDING. OH, NO. |
| 33 | SO IF YOU HAVEN'T ALREADY HAD IT |
| 34 | THE CHANCES ARE YOU'RE GOING TO GET IT. |
| 35 | I'VE HAD IT. I'VE HAD IT. |
| 36 | HAD IT. HAD IT. |
| 37 | I'VE NEVER HAD IT. I FEEL SO LEFT OUT. |
| 38 | OH, LOOK. |
| 39 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 40 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 41 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 42 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 43 | ♪ WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY ♪ |
| 44 | ♪ YOUR WEEK, YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 45 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 46 | ♪ WHEN THE RAIN STARTS TO POUR ♪ |
| 47 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 48 | ♪ LIKE I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE ♪ |
| 49 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 50 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME TOO. ♪ |
| 51 | HONEY, YOU MADE THE BED AGAIN. |
| 52 | I TOLD YOU, YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO THAT. |
| 53 | THIS ISN'T CAMP. |
| 54 | OH. THEN I GUESS THE PANTY RAID LAST NIGHT |
| 55 | WAS TOTALLY UNCALLED FOR. |
| 56 | OKAY. |
| 57 | I AM GOING TO TAKE A SHOWER |
| 58 | AND TODAY I WILL BE SINGING JIM CROCE'S "LEROY BROWN." |
| 59 | ( door closes ) |
| 60 | MONICA? |
| 61 | HEY, MON, I HAVE A QUESTION. |
| 62 | IS LEROY THE "BADDEST" MAN IN THE WHOLE DAMN TOWN |
| 63 | OR THE "FATTEST" MAN IN THE WHOLE DAMN TOWN? |
| 64 | THE BADDEST. |
| 65 | OTHERWISE THE SONG WOULD BE "FAT, FAT LEROY BROWN." |
| 66 | WHAT ARE YOU DOING? |
| 67 | I'M JUST WAITING FOR YOU, SWEETIE. |
| 68 | ARE YOU REMAKING THE BED? |
| 69 | I'M SORRY, I'M SORRY. |
| 70 | THE WAY YOU DID IT, IT WAS JUST FINE. |
| 71 | THEN YOU'RE REDOING IT BECAUSE..? |
| 72 | IF I TELL YOU, YOU'LL THINK I'M CRAZY. |
| 73 | YOU'RE PRETTY MUCH RUNNING THAT RISK EITHER WAY. |
| 74 | OKAY, YOU SEE... |
| 75 | THE DUVET TAG SHOULDN'T BE AT THE TOP LEFT CORNER |
| 76 | IT SHOULD BE AT THE BOTTOM RIGHT CORNER. |
| 77 | WELL, THAT'S NOT SO CRAZY. |
| 78 | I'M JUST EASING YOU IN. |
| 79 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 80 | YOU SEE THESE LITTLE FLOWER BLOSSOMS? |
| 81 | THEY SHOULD BE FACING UP, NOT DOWN |
| 82 | BECAUSE THE HEAD OF THE BED IS WHERE THE SUN WOULD BE. |
| 83 | YOU DON'T LOVE ME ANYMORE, DO YOU? |
| 84 | ACTUALLY, IF IT'S POSSIBLE, I LOVE YOU MORE. |
| 85 | REALLY? |
| 86 | MM-HMM. |
| 87 | WOW. |
| 88 | THEN COME ON, I WANT TO SHOW YOU |
| 89 | HOW TO FOLD THE TOILET PAPER INTO A POINT. |
| 90 | HEY, LOOK, JOEY, I'M JUST SAYING |
| 91 | IF YOU NEED SOMETHING TO HOLD YOU OVER |
| 92 | I CAN GET YOU A JOB RIGHT HERE AS AN ENTRY LEVEL PROCESSOR. |
| 93 | BUT DON'T YOU NEED EXPERIENCE FOR A JOB LIKE THAT? |
| 94 | IT'S NOT THAT HARD TO LEARN, AND AS FOR PEOPLE REALIZING |
| 95 | THAT YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE DOING |
| 96 | HEY, YOU'RE AN ACTOR. |
| 97 | ACT LIKE A PROCESSOR, PEOPLE WILL THINK |
| 98 | YOU'RE A PROCESSOR. |
| 99 | HEY, CHANDLER, HERE'S |
| 100 | THIS MORNING'S PROJECTIONS. |
| 101 | THANKS. SCOTT ALEXANDER, JOEY TRIBBIANI. |
| 102 | JOEY IS, UH, A FELLOW PROCESSOR. |
| 103 | NO KIDDING? |
| 104 | OH, YEAH. |
| 105 | I PROCESS. |
| 106 | PEOPLE WANT THE PROCESSING, I'M THE ONE THEY CALL. |
| 107 | WHERE DO YOU WORK? |
| 108 | UH... RIGHT NOW I'M IN BETWEEN THINGS. |
| 109 | YOU KNOW HOW IT IS. |
| 110 | ONE DAY, YOU'RE PROCESSING. |
| 111 | THE NEXT DAY, YOU'RE... |
| 112 | NOT SO MUCH PROCESSING ANYMORE. |
| 113 | I WAS JUST TELLING JOEY |
| 114 | ABOUT THE OPENING IN FLEISCHMAN'S GROUP. |
| 115 | FLEISCHMAN'S GROUP? |
| 116 | WHATEVER YOU DO, DON'T TOUCH HIS SANDWICHES. |
| 117 | ARE ALL YOU PROCESSORS DORKS? |
| 118 | UCH, THIS LIPSTICK LOOKS JUST GREAT ON YOU. |
| 119 | YOU LOOK FABULOUS, HONEY, YOU REALLY DO. |
| 120 | ARE YOU SURE, REALLY? |
| 121 | SEE, YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL... |
| 122 | FOR GOD'S SAKE, DIM THE LIGHTS. |
| 123 | I... I'M HIDEOUS. |
| 124 | IT'S GOING TO BE OKAY. |
| 125 | RYAN'S BEEN UNDERWATER. HE'S JUST GOING TO BE SO GLAD |
| 126 | THAT YOU DON'T HAVE BARNACLES ON YOUR BUTT. |
| 127 | Phoebe: COME IN. |
| 128 | HEY, BABY, I'M BA... |
| 129 | HEY, RYAN, WHAT'S UP? |
| 130 | WHAT'S GOING ON? |
| 131 | NO, YOU HAVE TO STAY BACK. |
| 132 | I... I HAVE THE POX. |
| 133 | CHICKEN OR SMALL? |
| 134 | CHICKEN, WHICH IS SO IRONIC, CONSIDERING I'M A VEGETARIAN. |
| 135 | WHY AREN'T YOU AT HOME IN BED? |
| 136 | BECAUSE MY GRANDMOTHER'S NEVER HAD CHICKEN POX. |
| 137 | PLEASE, PLEASE TELL ME YOU HAVE |
| 138 | BECAUSE, OH, MY GOD, I FORGOT HOW CUTE YOU ARE. |
| 139 | I'M SORRY. I NEVER HAD THEM. |
| 140 | OH! OH! |
| 141 | DAMN IT. IF I HAD ONE WISH |
| 142 | IT WOULD BE TO BUILD A TIME MACHINE GO BACK TO WHEN I WAS SEVEN |
| 143 | WHEN JIMMY HAUSER HAD THE CHICKEN POX. |
| 144 | I WOULD GRAB THAT KID AND RUB HIM ALL OVER MY FACE. |
| 145 | OR YOU COULD JUST WISH THAT I DIDN'T HAVE THEM NOW. |
| 146 | CAN I PLEASE SEE YOUR FACE? |
| 147 | NO. YOU DON'T WANT TO SEE A FACE COVERED WITH POX. |
| 148 | YOUR FACE COULD BE COVERED WITH LOX, I WOULDN'T CARE. |
| 149 | AND YOU HATE FISH. |
| 150 | THAT'S SO SWEET. |
| 151 | ALL RIGHT, OKAY, YOU CAN SEE. |
| 152 | THIS... IS ME. |
| 153 | ( screams ) |
| 154 | OH, SORRY. |
| 155 | OH, I AM SCARY. |
| 156 | NO, THE LIGHTNING. |
| 157 | IT WAS AN UNFORTUNATE COINCIDENCE. |
| 158 | YOU LOOK LOVELY. |
| 159 | LOVELY. |
| 160 | I HATE THIS. |
| 161 | I HAD THE MOST AMAZING TWO WEEKS PLANNED FOR US. |
| 162 | AND ALMOST EVERYTHING I HAD IN MIND |
| 163 | WE HAD TO BE A LOT CLOSER THAN THIS. |
| 164 | PHOEBE, I HAVE SPENT THE LAST EIGHT MONTHS |
| 165 | IN A STEEL TUBE WITH MEN... |
| 166 | THINKING ABOUT THIS MOMENT. |
| 167 | I AM NOT GOING TO LET A BUNCH OF ITCHY SPOTS STAND BETWEEN US. |
| 168 | OKAY, THIS IS THE MOST ROMANTIC DISEASE |
| 169 | I'VE EVER HAD. |
| 170 | HEY. |
| 171 | HOW'S THE FIRST DAY GOING? |
| 172 | PRETTY GOOD. IT'S LIKE YOU SAID-- |
| 173 | MOSTLY PUTTING NUMBERS FROM ONE COLUMN |
| 174 | INTO ANOTHER COLUMN. |
| 175 | WELL, THERE YOU GO. |
| 176 | HEY, EVERYBODY IS SO NICE. |
| 177 | I HAD A GOOD TALK WITH THAT LADY WITH THE RED HAIR, JEANNIE. |
| 178 | JEANNIE, THE HEAD OF EAST COAST OPERATIONS JEANNIE? |
| 179 | YEAH. TURNS OUT OUR KIDS GO TO THE SAME SCHOOL. |
| 180 | SMALL WORLD, HUH? |
| 181 | WEIRD WORLD. |
| 182 | YOUR KIDS? |
| 183 | I FIGURE MY CHARACTER HAS KIDS. |
| 184 | YOU KNOW, THERE ISN'T A PART OF THAT SENTENCE THAT I DON'T NEED EXPLAINED. |
| 185 | WELL, SEE, WHEN YOU'RE ACTING |
| 186 | YOU NEED TO THINK ABOUT STUFF LIKE THAT. |
| 187 | MY CHARACTER-- JOSEPH THE PROCESSING GUY-- |
| 188 | HAS TWO LITTLE GIRLS |
| 189 | ASHLEY AND BRITTANY. |
| 190 | ASHLEY COPIES EVERYTHING BRITTANY DOES. |
| 191 | OH, WELL, INVISIBLE KIDS CAN BE THAT WAY SOMETIMES. |
| 192 | YOU KNOW, JOSEPH AND HIS WIFE, KAREN |
| 193 | ARE THINKING OF HAVING A THIRD KID. |
| 194 | YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 195 | JUST DID. |
| 196 | REALLY? WOW. |
| 197 | THAT'S SOME PRETTY POWERFUL IMAGINARY SPERM |
| 198 | YOU MUST HAVE THERE. |
| 199 | YOU KNOW WHAT MAKES THE ITCHING EVEN WORSE? |
| 200 | THAT YOU DON'T STOP TALKING ABOUT IT? |
| 201 | FINE. |
| 202 | LET'S JUST PLAY, OKAY? |
| 203 | GOOD. OKAY. |
| 204 | HERE WE GO, DOUBLE SIXES. |
| 205 | HERE WE GO. |
| 206 | HERE WE GO. |
| 207 | COME TO MAMA. |
| 208 | JUST GETTING READY TO ROLL THE DICE. |
| 209 | WHAT ARE YOU DOING? ARE YOU SCRATCHING? |
| 210 | NO. THIS IS WHAT I DO FOR LUCK, OKAY? |
| 211 | YOU'RE SCRATCHING. GIVE ME THE DICE. |
| 212 | NO! GIVE ME THE DICE! |
| 213 | NO! HERE! THERE! |
| 214 | OOH! DOUBLE SIXES! |
| 215 | WE CAN'T SCRATCH. YOU KNOW WE CAN'T. WE'LL SCAR. |
| 216 | I CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT IT. |
| 217 | IT'S JUST SO HARD. |
| 218 | I JUST WANT TO GRAB ALL THESE HOUSES |
| 219 | AND RUB THEM ALL OVER MY BODY. |
| 220 | NO! |
| 221 | YES. |
| 222 | COME ON! |
| 223 | YOU KNOW YOU WANT IT. |
| 224 | YOU KNOW YOU WANT IT TOO. |
| 225 | LET'S JUST BE BAD. |
| 226 | IT'LL FEEL SO GOOD. |
| 227 | OH, COME ON. |
| 228 | COME ON. |
| 229 | OH, GOD, HELP ME. |
| 230 | UH-HUH. |
| 231 | GOOD, HUH? |
| 232 | OH, YEAH. |
| 233 | NOW DO ME. |
| 234 | DO MY BACK. |
| 235 | OH, COME ON, HARDER. |
| 236 | THERE YOU GO. |
| 237 | DON'T MOVE. |
| 238 | WHY? WHY? |
| 239 | OH! |
| 240 | ( screams ) |
| 241 | Rachel: STOP THAT! STOP THAT RIGHT NOW! |
| 242 | YOU KNOW, I MIGHT OF EXPECTED THIS OF YOU, PHOEBE |
| 243 | BUT, RYAN, YOU'RE A MILITARY MAN. |
| 244 | ( laughing ) |
| 245 | YOU AND MILTON HAVE TO JOIN US ON THE BOAT. |
| 246 | KAREN'LL PACK A LUNCH. YOU'LL BRING THE KIDS. |
| 247 | WE'LL MAKE A DAY OF IT. THAT SOUNDS LOVELY. |
| 248 | WE'LL HAVE TO SET THAT UP. |
| 249 | OH, I BETTER GET BACK. |
| 250 | HOPE THE BABY FEELS BETTER. |
| 251 | OH, THANKS. THANKS. |
| 252 | BYE-BYE, JEANNIE. |
| 253 | BYE-BYE, JOSEPH. |
| 254 | WHAT A PHONY. |
| 255 | WELL, I'M SURE YOU'LL TEACH HER A LESSON |
| 256 | WHEN SHE STEPS OFF THE DOCK ONTO NOTHING. |
| 257 | HEY, MR. DOUGLAS. |
| 258 | BING, I RECEIVED YOUR MEMO. |
| 259 | SO WE'RE NOT GOING TO SEE THE SYSTEMS REPORT UNTIL NEXT FRIDAY? |
| 260 | MY GROUP WANT TO SPEND THE HOLIDAY WITH THEIR FAMILIES. |
| 261 | I HAVE A FAMILY. |
| 262 | I'M GOING TO BE HERE. |
| 263 | YEAH, BING, WHAT'S THAT ABOUT? |
| 264 | IT'S ABOUT CUTTING MY PEOPLE A LITTLE SLACK YOU KNOW, FOR MORALE. |
| 265 | LOOK, IF YOU WANT TO SEE SOME ROUGH NUMBERS |
| 266 | I CAN GET THEM TO YOU BY WEDNESDAY. |
| 267 | "ROUGH NUMBERS"? |
| 268 | THIS COMPANY WAS NOT BUILT ON ROUGH NUMBERS. |
| 269 | AM I RIGHT, MR. DOUGLAS? |
| 270 | HAVE THE FINAL NUMBERS ON MY DESK BY TUESDAY. |
| 271 | IF YOU SAY SO, SIR. |
| 272 | ( laughing ) |
| 273 | JOSEPH'S GOOD, ISN'T HE? |
| 274 | WELL, I'M GOING TO KILL YOU. |
| 275 | HEY, HEY. |
| 276 | I JUST FIGURED JOSEPH'S THE KIND OF GUY WHO LIKES TO MIX IT UP. |
| 277 | YOU KNOW, GET IN THERE, RUFFLE SOME FEATHERS. |
| 278 | WHY? |
| 279 | LOOK, I'M SORRY, BUT THAT'S WHAT JOSEPH DOES. |
| 280 | OKAY? |
| 281 | IF YOU TRY TO PULL SOMETHING, HE'LL CALL YOU ON IT. |
| 282 | "WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO PULL?" HE'LL SAY. |
| 283 | OOH, DUCT TAPE. |
| 284 | WAS I SUPPOSED TO BRING SOMETHING TOO? |
| 285 | THIS IS FOR THE SCRATCHY TWINS OUT THERE. |
| 286 | I TAPED OVEN MITTS TO THEIR HANDS. |
| 287 | YOU'RE STRICT. |
| 288 | YEAH, WELL, IT'S FOR THEIR OWN GOOD. |
| 289 | YOU KNOW, I LIKE |
| 290 | THE WAY YOU HAVE EFFICIENTLY FOLDED THIS TAB UNDER. |
| 291 | SEE, IN A TAPE EMERGENCY |
| 292 | YOU COULD SHAVE VALUABLE SECONDS OFF YOUR TIME. |
| 293 | EXACTLY. OH. |
| 294 | I LOVE THAT I CAN BE TOTALLY NEUROTIC AROUND YOU NOW. |
| 295 | TELL ME THE TRUTH. DON'T YOU LIKE IT BETTER |
| 296 | NOW THAT EVERYTHING ON YOUR DESK IS PERPENDICULAR? |
| 297 | IF IT'S NOT A RIGHT ANGLE, IT IS A WRONG ANGLE. |
| 298 | VERY GOOD. THANK YOU. |
| 299 | TOMORROW I'M GOING TO DO YOUR CLOCKS. |
| 300 | YOU'RE GOING TO DO WHAT TO MY CLOCKS? |
| 301 | I'M GOING TO SET THEM TO MY TIME. |
| 302 | WELL, I'M CONFUSED. |
| 303 | I THOUGHT WE SHARED TIME. |
| 304 | NO, NO. |
| 305 | SEE, IN MY BEDROOM, I SET MY CLOCK SIX MINUTES FAST. |
| 306 | YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY? |
| 307 | BECAUSE IT'S IN A SLIGHTLY DIFFERENT TIME ZONE |
| 308 | THAN THE KITCHEN? |
| 309 | YOU KNOW WHAT? FORGET IT. |
| 310 | NO, COME ON, TELL ME. |
| 311 | NO, 'CAUSE YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. |
| 312 | YOU DON'T HAVE ANY OF THESE CUTE LITTLE OBSESSIVE THINGS. |
| 313 | NO, THAT IS NOT TRUE. |
| 314 | WELL, TELL ME ONE OF YOURS. |
| 315 | OKAY. |
| 316 | AH! ONE OF MY THINGS IS |
| 317 | I ALWAYS SEPARATE MY SWEAT SOCKS FROM MY DRESS SOCKS. |
| 318 | YEAH. |
| 319 | WHAT IF THEY GET MIXED UP? |
| 320 | BOY, I WOULD JUST, UH... |
| 321 | I WOULD FREAK OUT. |
| 322 | OH. |
| 323 | YOU WOULD NOT. |
| 324 | I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS. |
| 325 | I HATE THIS. YOU'RE TOO NORMAL. |
| 326 | CAN'T BELIEVE MY BOYFRIEND DOESN'T HAVE A THING. |
| 327 | MY BOYFRIEND DOESN'T HAVE A THING. |
| 328 | SEE, IF ANYONE OVERHEARD THAT, I DIDN'T COME OFF WELL THERE. |
| 329 | HEY! |
| 330 | MR. DOUGLAS IS LOOKING FOR YOU. |
| 331 | WHY? W-W-WHY? |
| 332 | WHY IS MR. DOUGLAS LOOKING FOR ME? |
| 333 | HE HAS A STRONG SUSPICION THAT YOU DROPPED THE BALL |
| 334 | ON THE LENDER PROJECT. |
| 335 | WHAT... W-WHY... |
| 336 | WHY DOES HE SUSPECT THAT? |
| 337 | BECAUSE AT FIRST HE THOUGHT IT WAS JOSEPH. |
| 338 | BUT AFTER HE ASKED JOSEPH ABOUT IT |
| 339 | TURNS OUT IT WAS YOU. |
| 340 | ANYWAY, I JUST THOUGHT YOU SHOULD KNOW. |
| 341 | ALL RIGHT, THAT'S IT! |
| 342 | LOOK, JOEY, I'M SORRY. |
| 343 | I REALIZE THIS IS THE ROLE OF A LIFETIME FOR YOU |
| 344 | AND IF I COULD JUST FIRE JOSEPH, I WOULD |
| 345 | BUT THAT'S NOT POSSIBLE. |
| 346 | SO I'M GOING TO HAVE TO LET BOTH OF YOU GO. |
| 347 | WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? EVERYBODY LOVES JOSEPH. |
| 348 | I DON'T. |
| 349 | I HATE JOSEPH. OKAY? |
| 350 | I THINK HE'S A BROWN-NOSING SUCK-UP. |
| 351 | OH, YEAH? |
| 352 | YOU CAN'T FIRE JOSEPH. YOU KNOW WHY? |
| 353 | 'CAUSE HE'S NOT IN YOUR DEPARTMENT. |
| 354 | HAA. |
| 355 | ALL RIGHT, OKAY. |
| 356 | ALL RIGHT, SO I CAN'T FIRE JOSEPH |
| 357 | BUT I CAN SLEEP WITH HIS WIFE. |
| 358 | NOT KAREN? YEAH, KAREN. |
| 359 | I'M THINKING ABOUT HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH HER. |
| 360 | OH, YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 361 | I JUST DID. |
| 362 | ( gasps ) |
| 363 | WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING TO ME, MAN? |
| 364 | OH. WELL, IT'S NOT ME. |
| 365 | IT'S MY CHARACTER. |
| 366 | "CHANDY." |
| 367 | THE ROGUE PROCESSOR WHO SEDUCES HIS CO-WORKERS' WIVES FOR SPORT |
| 368 | AND LAUGHS ABOUT IT THE NEXT DAY AT THE WATER COOLER. |
| 369 | IN FACT, I HAVE HER PANTIES RIGHT THERE IN MY DRAWER. |
| 370 | REALLY? |
| 371 | NO, FREAK SHOW! SHE'S FICTIONAL! |
| 372 | ALL RIGHT! HEY, TAKE IT EASY. |
| 373 | IF IT MEANS THAT MUCH TO YOU, I'LL, UH... |
| 374 | I'LL GO FIND SOMETHING ELSE. |
| 375 | THANK YOU. |
| 376 | IT'S JUST THAT... |
| 377 | I'M GOING TO MISS JOSEPH. |
| 378 | I LIKED HIM. |
| 379 | HIS WIFE... SHE WAS HOT. |
| 380 | OW! |
| 381 | CAN I PLEASE TAKE THESE OFF? I SWEAR I WON'T SCRATCH. |
| 382 | SORRY, HON. |
| 383 | MONICA'S ORDERS. |
| 384 | WELL, THAT WASN'T EASY. |
| 385 | OKAY, DINNER'S ON. |
| 386 | AND THERE'S A PEACH COBBLER WARMING IN THE OVEN. |
| 387 | SO THE PLATE'S GOING TO BE HOT |
| 388 | BUT THAT SHOULDN'T BE A PROBLEM FOR YOU. |
| 389 | ( laughs ) |
| 390 | ALL RIGHT, YOU KIDS. |
| 391 | BYE NOW. |
| 392 | BYE. |
| 393 | Ross: LOOK. |
| 394 | A LOW-BUDGET PUPPET SHOW. |
| 395 | IT'S SUCH A SHAME YOU CAN'T SEE WHAT FINGER I'M HOLDING UP. |
| 396 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 397 | WINE? |
| 398 | PLEASE. |
| 399 | WHOOP. SPILLED SOME. |
| 400 | I GOT IT. |
| 401 | I MUST TELL YOU. YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL TONIGHT. |
| 402 | WHAT? |
| 403 | SORRY. |
| 404 | YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL. |
| 405 | OH. |
| 406 | YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 407 | THAT'S IT. |
| 408 | OH. |
| 409 | OH, YES. |
| 410 | OH. OH. |
| 411 | GOOD. |
| 412 | ( both moaning ) |
| 413 | NO. YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 414 | ( both moaning ) |
| 415 | HEY, YOU GUYS. DID YOU..? |
| 416 | MONICA, WAKE UP. |
| 417 | MONICA. |
| 418 | WHAT'S UP? |
| 419 | I THOUGHT OF A THING. |
| 420 | YEAH? |
| 421 | YEAH. |
| 422 | I HAVE TO SLEEP-- HAVE TO-- ON THIS SIDE OF THE BED. |
| 423 | NO, HONEY. |
| 424 | YOU HAVE TO SLEEP ON THIS SIDE OF THE BED |
| 425 | BECAUSE I HAVE TO SLEEP ON THIS SIDE OF THE BED. |
| 426 | OR SO I WOULD HAVE YOU BELIEVE. |
| 427 | NO. BIG DEAL. |
| 428 | SO YOU HAVE A SIDE OF THE BED. |
| 429 | EVERYBODY HAS A SIDE OF THE BED. |
| 430 | HEY, COME ON. |
| 431 | YOU HAVEN'T HEARD MY REASON YET. |
| 432 | ALL RIGHT, GO ON. |
| 433 | OKAY. I HAVE TO SLEEP ON THE WEST SIDE |
| 434 | BECAUSE I GREW UP IN CALIFORNIA |
| 435 | AND OTHERWISE THE OCEAN WOULD BE ON THE WRONG SIDE. |
| 436 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 437 | YOU'RE A FREAK. YEAH. |
| 438 | HOW ABOUT THAT? |
| 439 | RYAN, WHERE YOU SHIPPING OFF TO? |
| 440 | I REALLY CAN'T SAY. |
| 441 | DO YOU HAVE NUCLEAR WEAPONS ON BOARD? |
| 442 | I CAN'T SAY. |
| 443 | DO YOU GET TO LOOK THROUGH ONE OF THOSE PERISCOPE THINGIES? |
| 444 | I'M SORRY, BUT I CAN'T SAY. |
| 445 | WOW. IT'S NEAT LEARNING ABOUT SUBMARINES. |
| 446 | WELL, I BETTER GET OUT OF HERE. |
| 447 | 'KAY, I'LL WALK YOU OUT. |
| 448 | PLEASURE. |
| 449 | TAKE CARE. |
| 450 | SO, DO YOU, UH, THINK WE COULD GET YOU |
| 451 | ONE OF THOSE, UH, UNIFORM THINGS? |
| 452 | YOU LIKE THAT, DO YOU? |
| 453 | OH, YEAH. |
| 454 | I'LL MAKE SOME CALLS. |
| 455 | OKAY. |
| 456 | CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS IS HOW WE SPENT OUR TWO WEEKS? |
| 457 | WE DIDN'T DO ANY OF THE ROMANTIC THINGS I HAD PLANNED, |
| 458 | LIKE HAVING A PICNIC IN CENTRAL PARK |
| 459 | AND COFFEE AT CENTRAL PERK. |
| 460 | OH, I JUST GOT THAT. |
| 461 | OH. |
| 462 | TAXI. |
| 463 | BYE, YOU. |
| 464 | ( laughing ) |
| 465 | I'M SORRY. WE'RE CLO... |
| 466 | HEY, SAILOR. |
| 467 | IS THIS WHAT YOU HAD IN MIND? |
| 468 | ( laughs ) |
| 469 | I'LL SAY. |
| 470 | ( screams ) |
| 471 | I'M SHIPPING OUT TOMORROW. |
| 472 | WELL, THEN, UH... |
| 473 | WE BETTER MAKE THIS NIGHT COUNT. |
| 474 | OH, WAIT. I FORGOT TO TURN OFF THE CAPPUCCINO MACHINE. |
| 475 | SORRY. |
| 476 | OH. |
| 477 | ANCHORS AWAY. |
| 478 | ( laughs ) |
| 479 | OH, AND MY PURSE, MY PURSE. MY PURSE, MY PURSE. |
| 480 | SORRY. OOH. |
| 481 | THANK YOU. |
| 482 | OH, YOU KNOW WHAT? I FORGOT TO TURN OFF THE BATHROOM LIGHT. |
| 483 | WHY DON'T I JUST MEET YOU UPSTAIRS? |
| 484 | Rachel: HONEY..! |
| 485 | |
| 1 | HEY, JOEY. HOW'D THE AUDITION GO? |
| 2 | INCREDIBLE. I MET THE DIRECTOR THIS TIME, |
| 3 | AND YOU WILL NEVER BELIEVE WHO IT WAS. |
| 4 | All: WHO? |
| 5 | ALL RIGHT. I'LL GIVE YOU ONE HINT-- |
| 6 | WARREN BEATTY. |
| 7 | WOW! |
| 8 | YEAH. THERE'S JUST ONE THING THAT MIGHT BE KIND OF A PROBLEM. |
| 9 | SEE, I, UH, I HAD TO KISS THIS GUY. |
| 10 | BECAUSE HE WAS JUST SO DARN CUTE? |
| 11 | NO. AS PART OF THE AUDITION. |
| 12 | I'M UP FOR THE PART OF THIS GUY WHO THE MAIN GUY KISSES. |
| 13 | WELL, HEY, YOU'RE AN ACTOR. |
| 14 | I SAY YOU JUST SUCK IT UP AND YOU DO IT. |
| 15 | OR YOU JUST DO IT. |
| 16 | I DID DO IT. I'M A PROFESSIONAL. |
| 17 | SO WHAT'S THE PROBLEM? |
| 18 | SEE, AFTER THE SCENE, MR. BEATTY COMES UP TO ME |
| 19 | AND HE SAYS, "GOOD ACTOR. BAD KISSER." |
| 20 | CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT? |
| 21 | ME, NOT A GOOD KISSER. |
| 22 | THAT'S LIKE, LIKE... |
| 23 | MOTHER TERESA-- NOT A GOOD MOTHER. |
| 24 | AH, COME ON. WHO CARES WHAT THAT GUY THINKS? |
| 25 | YOU KNOW, WHAT DOES WARREN BEATTY KNOW |
| 26 | ABOUT KISSING? |
| 27 | OH. |
| 28 | ( chuckles ) |
| 29 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 30 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 31 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 32 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 33 | ♪ WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY ♪ |
| 34 | ♪ YOUR WEEK, YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 35 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 36 | ♪ WHEN THE RAIN STARTS TO POUR ♪ |
| 37 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 38 | ♪ LIKE I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE ♪ |
| 39 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 40 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME TOO. ♪ |
| 41 | HEY, WHAT DID YOUR AGENT SAY? |
| 42 | YUP. THIS KISS THING IS DEFINITELY A PROBLEM. |
| 43 | MR. BEATTY WANTS TO SEE IT AGAIN ON MONDAY. |
| 44 | MAN, I GOT TO FIGURE OUT WHAT I'M DOING WRONG. |
| 45 | OH, OKAY, ONE OF YOU GIRLS COME OVER HERE AND KISS ME. |
| 46 | FORGET IT. |
| 47 | RIGHT. |
| 48 | HEY, COME ON. I NEED YOUR HELP HERE. |
| 49 | ALL RIGHT. I'LL DO IT. |
| 50 | I'VE KISSED HIM BEFORE. I CAN DO IT AGAIN. |
| 51 | SEE THIS? THIS IS A FRIEND. |
| 52 | UH-HUH. LET'S GO. |
| 53 | OH, WAIT. I HAVE GUM. |
| 54 | OH. |
| 55 | OKAY. |
| 56 | GOOD. VERY GOOD. |
| 57 | FIRM BUT TENDER. |
| 58 | I'D RECOMMEND YOU TO A FRIEND. |
| 59 | THEN I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS. WHAT'S THE PROBLEM? |
| 60 | JOEY, MAYBE YOU'RE JUST NOT USED TO KISSING MEN. |
| 61 | MAYBE YOU TENSED UP A LITTLE BIT. |
| 62 | MAYBE THAT'S WHAT YOU NEED TO WORK ON. |
| 63 | YEAH, THAT MAKES SENSE. |
| 64 | OVER MY DEAD BODY. |
| 65 | ( chuckling ) |
| 66 | AND I'LL BE USING HIS DEAD BODY AS A SHIELD. |
| 67 | Ross: COME ON OUT, HONEY. |
| 68 | I'M TELLING YOU, YOU LOOK GOOD. |
| 69 | TELL HER SHE LOOKS GOOD. TELL HER SHE LOOKS GOOD. |
| 70 | OH, MY GOD! |
| 71 | ( laughing ) |
| 72 | YOU LOOK SO GOOD. |
| 73 | I CANNOT BELIEVE I HAVE TO WALK DOWN THE AISLE |
| 74 | IN FRONT OF 200 PEOPLE |
| 75 | LOOKING LIKE SOMETHING YOU DRINK WHEN YOU'RE NAUSEOUS. |
| 76 | SO DON'T. I DON'T SEE WHY WE HAVE TO GO TO THIS THING ANYWAY. |
| 77 | IT'S YOUR EX-FIANCE'S WEDDING. |
| 78 | BECAUSE I PROMISED MINDY I WOULD. |
| 79 | YEAH, WELL, YOU PROMISED BARRY |
| 80 | YOU'D MARRY HIM. |
| 81 | LOOK, YOU GUYS, I HAVE TO GO. |
| 82 | I'M THE MAID OF HONOR. |
| 83 | BESIDES, YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 84 | I JUST NEED TO BE IN A ROOM AGAIN WITH THESE PEOPLE |
| 85 | AND FEEL GOOD ABOUT MYSELF. |
| 86 | ( laughing ) |
| 87 | OOH... SOMEONE'S WEARING THE SAME CLOTHES |
| 88 | THEY HAD ON LAST NIGHT. |
| 89 | DID SOMEONE GET A LITTLE ACTION? |
| 90 | YEAH, I MAY HAVE. |
| 91 | WHOO-HOO! STUD. |
| 92 | WHAT DID SHE LOOK LIKE? |
| 93 | WELL, WE HAVEN'T ACTUALLY MET. |
| 94 | WE JUST STAYED UP |
| 95 | ALL NIGHT TALKING ON THE INTERNET. |
| 96 | WHOO-HOO! GEEK. |
| 97 | I LIKE THIS GIRL, OKAY? |
| 98 | I SERIOUSLY LIKE THIS GIRL. |
| 99 | YOU KNOW HOW SOMETIMES |
| 100 | I TEND TO GET A LITTLE DEFENDED AND QUIPPY? |
| 101 | GET OUT. |
| 102 | UH-UH. PLEASE. |
| 103 | WELL, SHE TOTALLY CALLED ME ON IT, OKAY? |
| 104 | SHE SAID, "CUT IT OUT. GET REAL." |
| 105 | AND I DID. |
| 106 | WOW. |
| 107 | WHAT'S THAT LIKE? |
| 108 | IT'S LIKE THIS. ME. |
| 109 | NO JOKES. |
| 110 | ALL RIGHT. STOP IT. YOU'RE FREAKING ME OUT. |
| 111 | OOH, YEAH. I DON'T LIKE YOU THIS WAY. |
| 112 | ALL RIGHT, I'LL SEE YOU GUYS LATER. |
| 113 | BYE, RICHARD. BYE-BYE. |
| 114 | BYE, SWEETIE. |
| 115 | I LOVE YOU. |
| 116 | I LOVE YOU TOO. |
| 117 | ( door closes ) |
| 118 | "I THINK MY BOYFRIEND'S EVER SO DREAMY. |
| 119 | I WONDER WHAT OUR WEDDING'S GOING TO BE LIKE." |
| 120 | WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? WHAT WEDDING? |
| 121 | COME ON. LIKE YOU NEVER TALK ABOUT THAT? |
| 122 | NO. NEVER. |
| 123 | WE'RE JUST LIVING IN THE MOMENT. |
| 124 | GOD, IT IS SO NICE, FOR ONCE |
| 125 | NOT TO GET ALL HUNG UP ON WHERE THIS IS GOING. |
| 126 | YOU AFRAID TO ASK HIM? |
| 127 | COULD NOT BE MORE TERRIFIED. |
| 128 | WELL, I THINK YOU SHOULD |
| 129 | SERIOUSLY CONSIDER THE MARRIAGE THING. |
| 130 | GIVE RACHEL ANOTHER CHANCE |
| 131 | TO DRESS UP LIKE PRINCESS BUBBLE YUM. |
| 132 | Monica: WHERE'S BENNY? |
| 133 | THERE HE IS. |
| 134 | WHERE'S BENNY? |
| 135 | THERE HE IS. |
| 136 | AW... |
| 137 | YOU KNOW, THAT'S PROBABLY WHY BABIES LEARN TO TALK-- |
| 138 | SO THEY CAN TELL GROWN-UPS |
| 139 | TO CUT IT OUT. |
| 140 | HEY, YOU KNOW, I GOT A QUESTION FOR YOU. |
| 141 | JUST A LITTLE THING, NO PRESSURE. |
| 142 | OKAY. |
| 143 | DO YOU EVER, UH, LIKE, THINK ABOUT THE FUTURE? |
| 144 | SURE I DO. |
| 145 | YEAH? AM I IN IT? |
| 146 | HONEY, YOU ARE IT. |
| 147 | OH, GOD. |
| 148 | YOU'RE ABOUT TO GET SO LUCKY. |
| 149 | YEAH? |
| 150 | YEAH. |
| 151 | KEEP TALKING. |
| 152 | WELL, UM, SOMETIMES I THINK ABOUT SELLING MY PRACTICE. |
| 153 | MM-HMM. |
| 154 | WE COULD MOVE TO FRANCE. |
| 155 | MM-HMM. |
| 156 | MAKE FRENCH TOAST. |
| 157 | OOH. OKAY, SO, UM, WE'RE IN FRANCE... MM-HMM. |
| 158 | AND, UH, WE'RE MAKING THE TOAST... |
| 159 | MM-HMM. |
| 160 | DO YOU SEE A LITTLE BASSINET IN THE CORNER? |
| 161 | LIKE A HOUND? |
| 162 | NOT A BASSET. |
| 163 | A BASSINET. |
| 164 | YOU REALLY NEED THE BASSINET? |
| 165 | WELL, I JUST THINK |
| 166 | THE BABY WOULD KEEP FALLING OFF THE DOG. |
| 167 | DO YOU, UM, DO YOU NOT SEE KIDS IN OUR FUTURE? |
| 168 | OH... HEY, I LOVE CHILDREN. |
| 169 | I HAVE CHILDREN. |
| 170 | I JUST DON'T WANT TO BE 70 WHEN OUR KIDS GO OFF TO COLLEGE |
| 171 | AND OUR LIFE CAN FINALLY START. |
| 172 | LOOK, I WANT YOU. NOW. |
| 173 | WELL, THAT'S GREAT. |
| 174 | YOU KNOW, WE DON'T NEED TO TALK ABOUT THIS NOW. |
| 175 | REALLY. THIS IS SO, LIKE, WAY, WAY, WAY IN THE FUTURE. |
| 176 | I'M TALKING HOVERCRAFTS |
| 177 | AND APES TAKING OVER THE PLANET. |
| 178 | COME ON, CHANDLER. |
| 179 | I WANT THIS PART SO MUCH. |
| 180 | JUST ONE KISS. I WON'T TELL ANYONE. |
| 181 | JOEY, "NO" MEANS NO. |
| 182 | HEY, HI. |
| 183 | HEY. |
| 184 | I'M SORRY. WE DON'T HAVE YOUR SHEEP. |
| 185 | OH, RACH, I THINK YOU LOOK CUTE. |
| 186 | AND YOU-- HUH! YOU... |
| 187 | YOU I COULD EAT WITH A SPOON. |
| 188 | GET AWAY FROM ME. I SAID NO. |
| 189 | GUYS, RICHARD'S WAITING DOWNSTAIRS. |
| 190 | OH, RICHARD'S HERE? |
| 191 | I SHOULD RUN DOWN AND SAY GOOD-BYE TO HIM. |
| 192 | BYE. BYE. |
| 193 | GOOD LUCK. |
| 194 | SO, HOW'S YOUR DATE WITH YOUR CYBER-CHICK GOING? |
| 195 | OOH, HEY, WHAT IS ALL THAT? |
| 196 | OH, IT'S A WEB SITE. |
| 197 | IT'S THE GUGGENHEIM MUSEUM. |
| 198 | SEE, UH, SHE LIKES ART, AND... I LIKE FUNNY WORDS. |
| 199 | ( clears throat ) |
| 200 | WHAT DOES SHE MEAN BY "HH"? |
| 201 | IT... MEANS WE'RE HOLDING HANDS. |
| 202 | ARE YOU THE CUTEST? |
| 203 | I'M AFRAID I MIGHT JUST BE. |
| 204 | YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK IS SO GREAT? |
| 205 | THAT YOU ARE TOTALLY INTO THIS PERSON |
| 206 | AND YET, FOR ALL YOU KNOW, SHE COULD BE, LIKE |
| 207 | 90 YEARS OLD OR HAVE TWO HEADS, OR... |
| 208 | IT COULD BE A GUY. |
| 209 | OKAY, IT'S NOT A GUY, ALL RIGHT? |
| 210 | I KNOW HER. |
| 211 | IT COULD BE, LIKE, A BIG, GIANT GUY. |
| 212 | MAN, I GOT THIS CLOSE TO HIM |
| 213 | AND MONICA KNEED ME IN THE BACK. |
| 214 | WHAT'S GOING ON? |
| 215 | WE WERE JUST WONDERING |
| 216 | IF CHANDLER'S GIRLFRIEND'S A GIRL. |
| 217 | JUST ASK HER HOW LONG SHE'S GOING TO LIVE. |
| 218 | WOMEN LIVE LONGER THAN MEN. |
| 219 | HOW DO YOU NOT FALL DOWN MORE? |
| 220 | OKAY, ASK HER WHAT IS HER CURRENT METHOD OF BIRTH CONTROL. |
| 221 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 222 | ( clears throat ) |
| 223 | "MY HUSBAND IS SLEEPING WITH HIS SECRETARY." |
| 224 | SHE'S MARRIED? |
| 225 | WELL, AT LEAST WE KNOW SHE'S A WOMAN. |
| 226 | I CAN'T BELIEVE SHE'S MARRIED. |
| 227 | OH, MAN, I'M SORRY. |
| 228 | THIS MUST BE REALLY TOUGH FOR YOU, HUH? |
| 229 | I READ THIS ARTICLE THE OTHER DAY AND IT SAYS |
| 230 | THAT YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO THROW RICE AT WEDDINGS |
| 231 | BECAUSE WHEN PIGEONS EAT RICE, IT KILLS THEM. |
| 232 | SO THAT'S WHY YOU NEVER SEE PIGEONS IN SUSHI BARS. |
| 233 | ( both chuckling ) |
| 234 | SEE, WE'RE HAVING FUN. |
| 235 | OH, ABSOLUTELY. YEAH, YOU KNOW |
| 236 | I'M NOT EVEN THINKING ABOUT THAT THING |
| 237 | THAT WE'RE NOT GOING TO BE THINKING ABOUT. |
| 238 | NEITHER AM I. |
| 239 | HMM-MM. YEAH. |
| 240 | HEY, THERE. ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? |
| 241 | YEAH. WHEN I WAS IN THE BATHROOM |
| 242 | I SAW THE WINDOW THAT I CRAWLED OUT OF AT MY WEDDING |
| 243 | AND... GOD, I JUST START THINKING |
| 244 | I SHOULDN'T BE HERE, YOU KNOW? I SHOULDN'T. |
| 245 | PEOPLE ARE GOING TO BE LOOKING AT ME |
| 246 | AND JUDGING ME AND THINKING ABOUT THE LAST TIME. |
| 247 | SWEETIE, IT'S GOING TO BE OKAY. |
| 248 | ALL RIGHT? IT'S A WEDDING. |
| 249 | GENERALLY, PEOPLE FOCUS ON THE BRIDE. |
| 250 | GOD, I KNOW. YOU'RE RIGHT. |
| 251 | ALL RIGHTY! EVERYBODY LOOK AT ME. |
| 252 | GOOD. ALL RIGHT. |
| 253 | IT'S TIME. BRIDESMAIDS AND USHERS... |
| 254 | LET'S SEE TWO LINES. THANK YOU. |
| 255 | OKAY. |
| 256 | I'LL SEE YOU AFTER THE THING. |
| 257 | OKAY. GOOD LUCK. |
| 258 | THANK YOU. OKAY. |
| 259 | OKAY. |
| 260 | AH. |
| 261 | WHY THE HELL DIDN'T YOU TELL ME? I'M SORRY. |
| 262 | WHAT WAS I SUPPOSED TO DO? STAND UP AND SHOUT, |
| 263 | "HEY, RACHEL, YOUR BUTT IS SHOWING"? |
| 264 | OH, MY GOD, THIS IS SO HUMILIATING. |
| 265 | THE ONLY THING THAT TOPS THAT ONE |
| 266 | WAS WHEN I WAS IN EIGHTH GRADE |
| 267 | AND I HAD TO SING THE "COPACABANA" |
| 268 | IN FRONT OF THE ENTIRE SCHOOL. |
| 269 | I GOT TWO LINES INTO IT BEFORE I RAN AND FREAKED OUT. |
| 270 | OH MY GOD, MY ENTIRE LIFE'S FLASHING BEFORE MY EYES. |
| 271 | RACH, HEY, LOOK. I REMEMBER THAT. |
| 272 | IT WASN'T SO BAD. |
| 273 | OH, ROSS, WOULD YOU STOP? |
| 274 | YOU GOT ME. I'M DATING YOU. |
| 275 | RACHEL. |
| 276 | HI, MR. WEINBERG. |
| 277 | HI, MRS. WEINBERG. |
| 278 | IT'S SO WONDERFUL TO SEE YOU AGAIN, MY DEAR. |
| 279 | IN FACT, I HARDLY EXPECTED TO SEE SO MUCH. |
| 280 | YOU TOLD ME YOU DIDN'T SEE ANYTHING. |
| 281 | I TELL YOU A LOT OF THINGS. |
| 282 | WELL, IT'S WONDERFUL |
| 283 | TO HAVE YOU UP AND ABOUT AGAIN, DEAR. |
| 284 | Mr. Weinberg: STAY WELL. |
| 285 | OKAY. NOW, THAT IS THE THIRD TIME |
| 286 | SOMEONE HAS SAID SOMETHING LIKE THAT TO ME TODAY. |
| 287 | RACH? RACH! |
| 288 | OH, HI. |
| 289 | OH, MY GOD! |
| 290 | I'M MARRIED! |
| 291 | I'M MRS. DR. BARRY HUNTER HYPHEN FARBER. |
| 292 | OH, HONEY. I'M SO PROUD OF YOU, MIN. |
| 293 | MIN? |
| 294 | OH, RACH. STILL HERE. AT OUR WEDDING |
| 295 | THEY WERE PACKING UP THE CHOPPED LIVER |
| 296 | ABOUT NOW. |
| 297 | OH, YEAH, I LOVE THAT STORY. |
| 298 | UM, I HAVE A QUESTION FOR YOU GUYS. |
| 299 | WHY DO PEOPLE KEEP SAYING |
| 300 | IT'S GOOD TO SEE ME UP AND ABOUT? |
| 301 | WELL, UH, AFTER YOU RAN OUT ON YOUR WEDDING |
| 302 | BARRY'S PARENTS TOLD PEOPLE YOU WERE SORT OF... INSANE. |
| 303 | INSANE? |
| 304 | FROM THE SYPHILIS. |
| 305 | WHAT?! |
| 306 | WELL, WHAT WERE THEY GOING TO SAY? |
| 307 | YOU DIDN'T LOVE ME ANYMORE? COME ON. |
| 308 | ANGELA? |
| 309 | JOEY TRIBBIANI. |
| 310 | LISTEN, UH, WHAT ARE YOU DOING TONIGHT? |
| 311 | I KNOW YOU'RE SEEING THAT GUY. |
| 312 | I WAS THINKING MAYBE YOU COULD BRING HIM... |
| 313 | HELLO? HELLO? |
| 314 | AH! |
| 315 | ( computer chimes "bing-bong" ) |
| 316 | AREN'T YOU GOING TO ANSWER HER? |
| 317 | THAT'S THE TENTH "BING- BONG" MESSAGE SHE SENT. |
| 318 | SHE WANTS TO KNOW WHAT'S WRONG. |
| 319 | WHAT'S WRONG? WHAT'S WRONG? |
| 320 | YOU'RE MARRIED. THAT'S WHAT'S WRONG. |
| 321 | OH, MY. |
| 322 | WHAT? |
| 323 | SHE WANTS TO MEET YOU IN PERSON. |
| 324 | HEY, LOOK, PHOEBE, I WANTED TO MEET HER IN PERSON TOO, OKAY? |
| 325 | BUT SHE'S MARRIED. SHE HAS A HUSBAND. |
| 326 | WHAT IF THE HUSBAND PERSON IS THE WRONG GUY |
| 327 | AND YOU ARE THE RIGHT GUY? |
| 328 | YOU DON'T GET CHANCES LIKE THIS ALL THE TIME. |
| 329 | IF YOU DON'T MEET HER NOW |
| 330 | YOU'RE GOING TO BE KICKING YOURSELF |
| 331 | WHEN YOU'RE 80, WHICH IS HARD TO DO |
| 332 | AND THAT'S HOW YOU BREAK A HIP. |
| 333 | OKAY. I'LL DO IT. |
| 334 | OH, YAY! OKAY, GREAT. |
| 335 | GO PUT ON YOUR SHOES |
| 336 | AND THEN MARCH OUT THERE AND MEET HER. |
| 337 | OH, MY GOD. NO! WAIT. |
| 338 | YOU HAVE TO TAKE A SHOWER, 'CAUSE... EWW. |
| 339 | I'LL GET THE... |
| 340 | NO, YOU'VE TO... ANSWER HER. |
| 341 | ANSWER HER FIRST. |
| 342 | NO, NO. MAKE SOME COFFEE 'CAUSE IT'S TOO MUCH. |
| 343 | ♪ TALL AND TAN ♪ |
| 344 | ♪ AND YOUNG AND LOVELY... ♪ |
| 345 | OKAY. ONE MORE, PLEASE. |
| 346 | I'M GOING TO GET IT IN THIS TIME. I WILL. |
| 347 | OKAY. LAST CHANCE. |
| 348 | ♪ AND WHEN SHE PASSES, EACH ONE SHE PASSES GOES "AH"... ♪ |
| 349 | AGAIN. I'M SORRY. |
| 350 | ♪ WHEN SHE WALKS, IT'S LIKE A SAMBA ♪ |
| 351 | ♪ SWINGS SO COOL, SWAYS SO GENTLY... ♪ |
| 352 | MAYBE I DON'T NEED TO HAVE CHILDREN. |
| 353 | MAYBE I JUST THINK I DO, BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT SOCIETY-- |
| 354 | AND BY THAT, I MEAN MY MOM-- |
| 355 | HAS... HAS ALWAYS CONVINCED ME THAT I... |
| 356 | ♪ OH, BUT I WANT HER SO BADLY... ♪ |
| 357 | I DO. |
| 358 | I HAVE TO HAVE CHILDREN. I'M SORRY. I JUST DO. |
| 359 | ( tapping glass ) |
| 360 | Man: YO! |
| 361 | CAN I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION, PLEASE? |
| 362 | BEST MAN MAKING A TOAST HERE. |
| 363 | THANK YOU. |
| 364 | ( clears throat ) |
| 365 | I REMEMBER WHEN BARRY GOT HOME |
| 366 | FROM HIS FIRST DATE WITH RACHEL... |
| 367 | ( clears throat ) |
| 368 | WHAT? YOU HIRED THE SAME BAND. |
| 369 | I CAN'T USE THE SAME SPEECH? |
| 370 | ( rim shot ) |
| 371 | THANK YOU. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. |
| 372 | ANYWAY, I WISH YOU BOTH |
| 373 | A... A WONDERFUL LIFE TOGETHER. |
| 374 | AWW... |
| 375 | AND RACHEL... |
| 376 | WHAT? NO, NO, NO. IN ALL SERIOUSNESS. |
| 377 | THERE'S NOT A LOT OF WOMEN WHO WOULD HAVE HAD THE GUTS |
| 378 | TO COME BACK HERE TONIGHT |
| 379 | AND EVEN FEWER WHO'D DO IT WITH THEIR ASSES |
| 380 | HANGING OUT! |
| 381 | CLASSIC! |
| 382 | ( clears throat ) |
| 383 | ( clears throat ) |
| 384 | UH, I'D LIKE TO ADD SOMETHING TO THAT. |
| 385 | WHY ARE YOU ADDING? |
| 386 | IT'S OKAY. |
| 387 | MOST OF YOU DON'T KNOW ME. |
| 388 | UH, I'M RACHEL'S BOYFRIEND... |
| 389 | OH, DEAR GOD. |
| 390 | ...ROSS. |
| 391 | UH, AND, UH, I'D JUST LIKE TO SAY |
| 392 | THAT IT DID TAKE A LOT OF COURAGE |
| 393 | FOR RACHEL TO COME HERE TONIGHT |
| 394 | AND, UH, JUST FOR THE RECORD |
| 395 | SHE DID NOT RUN OUT ON BARRY BECAUSE SHE HAD SYPHILIS. |
| 396 | WHAT ARE YOU DOING? I'M SERIOUS. |
| 397 | UH, THE REASON |
| 398 | SHE WALKED OUT ON-ON BARRY |
| 399 | IS SIMPLY THAT... SHE DIDN'T LOVE HIM |
| 400 | WHICH, INCIDENTALLY, WORKED OUT PRETTY WELL FOR ME. |
| 401 | CHEERS. |
| 402 | I'LL SEE YOU IN THE PARKING LOT. |
| 403 | NO, RACH... |
| 404 | AND, ONCE AGAIN, SHE IS OUT OF HERE. |
| 405 | OKAY. WHO HAD 9:45? HMM? |
| 406 | HUH! |
| 407 | ( sighs ) |
| 408 | YOU KNOW WHAT, BAR? |
| 409 | I'M NOT GOING TO LEAVE. |
| 410 | I PROBABLY SHOULD, BUT I'M NOT. |
| 411 | SEE, 'CAUSE I PROMISED MYSELF I WOULD MAKE IT THROUGH |
| 412 | AT LEAST ONE OF YOUR WEDDINGS. |
| 413 | SEE, NOW, TONIGHT, ALL I REALLY WANTED WAS TO MAKE IT |
| 414 | THROUGH THIS EVENING |
| 415 | WITH A LITTLE BIT OF GRACE AND DIGNITY. |
| 416 | WELL, I GUESS WE CAN ALL AGREE THAT'S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. |
| 417 | ( clears throat ) |
| 418 | I GUESS THERE'S NOTHING REALLY LEFT TO, UH, SAY... |
| 419 | EXCEPT, UM... |
| 420 | ♪ HER NAME WAS LOLA ♪ |
| 421 | ♪ SHE WAS A SHOW GIRL... ♪ |
| 422 | ♪ WITH YELLOW FEA... ♪ |
| 423 | ♪ ...FEATHERS IN HER HAIR ♪ |
| 424 | ♪ AND A DRESS CUT DOWN TO THERE ♪ |
| 425 | ♪ SH-SHE... SHE WOULD... ♪ |
| 426 | ♪ MERENGUE... ♪ ♪ MERENGUE... ♪ |
| 427 | THANK YOU, HONEY. |
| 428 | ♪ AND DO THE CHA-CHA ♪ ♪ CHA-CHA ♪ |
| 429 | ♪ AND WHILE SHE'D LIKE TO BE A STAR ♪ |
| 430 | ♪ TONY ALWAYS TENDED BAR... ♪ |
| 431 | WAIT! WAIT! |
| 432 | EVERYBODY! EVERYBODY! |
| 433 | All: ♪ AT THE COPA ♪ |
| 434 | ♪ COPACABANA ♪ |
| 435 | ♪ THE HOTTEST SPOT NORTH OF HAVANA ♪ |
| 436 | ♪ AT THE COPA ♪ |
| 437 | ♪ COPACABANA ♪ |
| 438 | ♪ MUSIC AND PASSION WERE ALWAYS THE FASHION ♪ |
| 439 | ♪ AT THE COPA... ♪ |
| 440 | OKAY. |
| 441 | I'LL DO IT. |
| 442 | YOU'LL DO WHAT? |
| 443 | IF KIDS IS WHAT IT TAKES TO BE WITH YOU |
| 444 | THEN KIDS IT IS. |
| 445 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 446 | IF I HAVE TO, I'LL-I'LL DO IT ALL AGAIN. |
| 447 | I'LL DO THE 4:00 FEEDING THING. |
| 448 | I'LL GO TO THE P.T.A. MEETINGS. |
| 449 | I'LL COACH THE SOCCER TEAM. |
| 450 | REALLY? |
| 451 | YEAH, IF I HAVE TO. |
| 452 | MONICA... |
| 453 | I DON'T WANT TO LOSE YOU. |
| 454 | SO, IF I HAVE TO DO IT ALL AGAIN, THEN I WILL. |
| 455 | YOU ARE THE MOST WONDERFUL MAN. |
| 456 | AND IF YOU HADN'T HAVE SAID, |
| 457 | "IF I HAVE TO," LIKE, 17 TIMES... |
| 458 | THEN I'D BE SAYING, "OKAY. LET'S DO IT." |
| 459 | ( sighs ) |
| 460 | BUT YOU'RE NOT. |
| 461 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 462 | I CAN'T BELIEVE WHAT I'M GETTING READY TO SAY. |
| 463 | I WANT TO HAVE A BABY. |
| 464 | BUT I DON'T WANT TO HAVE ONE WITH SOMEONE |
| 465 | WHO DOESN'T REALLY WANT TO HAVE ONE. |
| 466 | I... |
| 467 | ( sighs ) |
| 468 | I LOVE YOU. |
| 469 | I KNOW YOU DO. |
| 470 | ME TOO. |
| 471 | SO, WHAT NOW? |
| 472 | ( sighs ) |
| 473 | I GUESS WE JUST... |
| 474 | KEEP DANCING. |
| 475 | WHERE IS SHE? |
| 476 | WHERE IS SHE? |
| 477 | OH, HEY. I HAVE A QUESTION. |
| 478 | WHERE IS SHE? |
| 479 | CHANDLER... |
| 480 | RELAX, CHANDLER. SHE'LL BE HERE. |
| 481 | OH. OH. |
| 482 | OH. THAT'S HER. |
| 483 | YEAH, 'CAUSE LIFE'S JUST THAT KIND. |
| 484 | Phoebe: STOP STARING AT THE DOOR. |
| 485 | IT'S LIKE A WATCHED POT. |
| 486 | IF YOU KEEP LOOKING AT IT |
| 487 | THEN THE DOOR IS NEVER GOING TO BOIL. |
| 488 | I THINK WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO |
| 489 | IS TRY NOT TO... |
| 490 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 491 | OH... |
| 492 | MY... |
| 493 | GOD. |
| 494 | All: OH... MY... GOD. |
| 495 | I'VE BEEN FEELING INCREDIBLY GUILTY |
| 496 | BECAUSE I WANT TO BE A GOOD FRIEND. |
| 497 | DAMN IT. I AM A GOOD FRIEND. |
| 498 | SO JUST SHUT UP AND CLOSE YOUR EYES. |
| 499 | UH... |
| 500 | WOW. |
| 501 | YOU ARE A GOOD FRIEND. |
| 502 | OF COURSE, THE AUDITION WAS THIS MORNING |
| 503 | AND I DIDN'T GET IT. |
| 504 | BUT THAT WAS A HELL OF A KISS. |
| 505 | RACHEL IS A VERY LUCKY GIRL. |
| 506 | |
| 1 | THAT GIRL TOTALLY WINKED AT ME. |
| 2 | SHE DID NOT. |
| 3 | NOBODY'S WINKING AT YOU. |
| 4 | HUH. |
| 5 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 6 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 7 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 8 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 9 | ♪ WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY ♪ |
| 10 | ♪ YOUR WEEK, YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 11 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 12 | ♪ WHEN THE RAIN STARTS TO POUR ♪ |
| 13 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 14 | ♪ LIKE I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE ♪ |
| 15 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 16 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME TOO. ♪ |
| 17 | I HAVE TO SAY "TUPELO HONEY" BY VAN MORRISON. |
| 18 | NO WAY. |
| 19 | THE MOST ROMANTIC SONG EVER WAS "THE WAY WE WERE." |
| 20 | SEE, I THINK THE ONE THAT ELTON JOHN WROTE |
| 21 | FOR, UM, THAT GUY ON WHO'S THE BOSS? |
| 22 | WHAT SONG IS THAT, PHEEBS? |
| 23 | UM... |
| 24 | ♪ HOLD ME CLOSE, YOUNG TONY DANZA... ♪ |
| 25 | HI, MONICA. |
| 26 | HEY, MON. |
| 27 | HEY, MON. |
| 28 | OH, MY GOD, HAS SHE SLEPT AT ALL? |
| 29 | NOPE. |
| 30 | NO. IT'S BEEN THREE NIGHTS IN A ROW. |
| 31 | SHE FINALLY STOPPED CRYING YESTERDAY |
| 32 | BUT THEN SHE FOUND ONE |
| 33 | OF RICHARD'S CIGAR BUTTS |
| 34 | OUT ON THE TERRACE... |
| 35 | OKAY. THAT EXPLAINS IT. |
| 36 | I GOT A CALL AT 2:00 IN THE MORNING |
| 37 | AND ALL I COULD HEAR WAS LIKE THIS HIGH SQUEAKY SOUND |
| 38 | SO I THOUGHT, "OH, OKAY. |
| 39 | SO IT'S LIKE A MOUSE OR A POSSUM." |
| 40 | THEN I REALIZED LIKE, OKAY |
| 41 | WHERE WOULD A MOUSE OR A POSSUM |
| 42 | GET THE MONEY TO MAKE THE PHONE CALL? |
| 43 | MORNING. |
| 44 | Chandler: MORNING. |
| 45 | HEY, YOU MADE PANCAKES? |
| 46 | YEAH. LIKE THERE'S ANY WAY I COULD EVER DO THAT. |
| 47 | ♪ MONICA AND RACHEL HAD SYRUP ♪ |
| 48 | ♪ UH-UH, NOW I CAN GET ♪ |
| 49 | ♪ MY MAN TO CHEER UP... ♪ |
| 50 | ( laughing ) |
| 51 | GOOD MORNING, JOEY. |
| 52 | GOOD MORNING. |
| 53 | HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 54 | HERE'S A THOUGHT. |
| 55 | WHY DON'T YOU STAY HOME FROM WORK TODAY |
| 56 | AND HANG OUT WITH ME? |
| 57 | OH, I WISH. |
| 58 | HONEY, YOU HAVE THAT REPORT TO FINISH |
| 59 | AND I'VE GOT TO GO SEE MY LAWYER. |
| 60 | I CANNOT BELIEVE I'M GOING OUT |
| 61 | WITH SOMEBODY WHO'S GETTING DIVORCED. |
| 62 | I'M SUCH A GROWNUP. |
| 63 | I GOT TO GO. I GOT TO GO. |
| 64 | OKAY, NOT WITHOUT A KISS. |
| 65 | MAYBE I WON'T KISS YOU, AND THEN YOU'LL HAVE TO STAY. |
| 66 | KISS HER. KISS HER. |
| 67 | MMM-WA. MMM. |
| 68 | I'LL SEE YOU LATER, SWEETIE. |
| 69 | BYE, JOEY. |
| 70 | BYE-BYE, JANICE. |
| 71 | MMM... MMM... |
| 72 | SO, WHEN YOU DUMPING HER? |
| 73 | NOPE. |
| 74 | NOT THIS TIME. |
| 75 | COME ON. QUIT YANKING ME. |
| 76 | I'M NOT YANKING YOU. |
| 77 | ( snorts ) |
| 78 | THIS IS JANICE. |
| 79 | YEAH. I KNOW. |
| 80 | SHE MAKES ME HAPPY. |
| 81 | OKAY. ALL RIGHT. |
| 82 | YOU LOOK ME IN THE EYE AND TELL ME WITHOUT BLINKING |
| 83 | THAT YOU'RE NOT BREAKING UP WITH HER. |
| 84 | NO BLINKING. |
| 85 | I'M NOT BREAKING UP WITH HER. |
| 86 | HEY... |
| 87 | OH, GOD, LOOK WHAT I FOUND IN THE DRAIN. |
| 88 | WHAT? |
| 89 | IT'S SOME OF RICHARD'S HAIR. |
| 90 | WHAT DO I DO WITH THIS? |
| 91 | GETTING IT AWAY FROM ME WOULD BE JOB ONE. |
| 92 | IT'S WEIRD, BUT, YOU KNOW |
| 93 | I DON'T WANT TO THROW THIS AWAY. |
| 94 | I MEAN, THIS IS LIKE ALL I HAVE LEFT OF HIM-- |
| 95 | GROSS... DRAIN HAIR. |
| 96 | EWW! |
| 97 | COOL. OH, IT LOOKS LIKE A TINY LITTLE PERSON |
| 98 | DROWNING IN YOUR CEREAL. |
| 99 | GOD, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? |
| 100 | YOU NEED TO GET SOME SLEEP. |
| 101 | I NEED TO GET SOME RICHARD. |
| 102 | MONICA, YOU BROKE UP WITH HIM FOR A REASON. |
| 103 | I KNOW. I KNOW. |
| 104 | I'M SO TIRED OF MISSING HIM. |
| 105 | I'M TIRED OF WONDERING WHY HE HASN'T CALLED. |
| 106 | WHY HASN'T HE CALLED? |
| 107 | MAYBE 'CAUSE YOU TOLD HIM NOT TO? |
| 108 | WHAT ARE YOU? THE MEMORY WOMAN? |
| 109 | THEY'RE NOT BREAKING UP. |
| 110 | CHANDLER AND JANICE-- THEY'RE NOT BREAKING UP. |
| 111 | HE DIDN'T BLINK OR ANYTHING. |
| 112 | WELL, YOU KNOW, I'M NOT SURPRISED. |
| 113 | I MEAN, HAVE YOU SEEN THEM TOGETHER? |
| 114 | THEY'RE REALLY CUTE. |
| 115 | CUTE? |
| 116 | THIS IS JANICE. |
| 117 | YOU REMEMBER JANICE? |
| 118 | YES, JOEY. I REMEMBER. |
| 119 | SHE'S ANNOYING, BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 120 | SHE'S HIS GIRLFRIEND NOW. |
| 121 | WHAT CAN WE DO? |
| 122 | THERE YOU GO. |
| 123 | THAT'S THE SPIRIT I'M LOOKING FOR. |
| 124 | WHAT CAN WE DO? |
| 125 | HUH? |
| 126 | ALL RIGHT, WHO'S FIRST? |
| 127 | HUH? ROSS? |
| 128 | I'M THINKING CHANDLER'S OUR FRIEND |
| 129 | AND JANICE MAKES HIM HAPPY. |
| 130 | SO I SAY WE ALL JUST BE ADULT ABOUT IT AND ACCEPT HER. |
| 131 | YEAH. WE'LL CALL THAT PLAN "B," ALL RIGHT? |
| 132 | HONEY, I WAS WONDERING... |
| 133 | HMM? |
| 134 | DO YOU STILL HAVE THAT, UM, NAVY UNIFORM? |
| 135 | NO. I HAD TO RETURN IT TO THE COSTUME PLACE. |
| 136 | I THINK I HAVE |
| 137 | AN OLD BAND UNIFORM FROM HIGH SCHOOL. |
| 138 | YOU REMEMBER NOT HAVING SEX IN HIGH SCHOOL, RIGHT? |
| 139 | YEAH. |
| 140 | WELL, HONEY, WHAT ABOUT YOU? |
| 141 | I MEAN... WHAT? |
| 142 | ANY FUN, YOU KNOW, FANTASY-TYPE THINGS? |
| 143 | NO. |
| 144 | COME ON. YOU GOT TO HAVE ONE. |
| 145 | NOPE. |
| 146 | ROSS, YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 147 | WHAT? |
| 148 | IF YOU TELL ME, I MIGHT DO IT. |
| 149 | ( clearing throat ) |
| 150 | OKAY. |
| 151 | UM... DID YOU EVER SEE |
| 152 | UM, RETURN OF THE JEDI? |
| 153 | YEAH. |
| 154 | DO YOU REMEMBER THE SCENE WITH, UM... |
| 155 | JABBA THE HUT? |
| 156 | WELL, JABBA HAD AS HIS PRISONER |
| 157 | UM, PRINCESS LEIA. |
| 158 | OH... |
| 159 | PRINCESS LEIA WAS WEARING THIS, UM... |
| 160 | GOLD BIKINI THING. |
| 161 | IT WAS PRETTY COOL. |
| 162 | OH, YEAH. PRINCESS LEIA AND THE GOLD BIKINI? |
| 163 | EVERY GUY LOVED THAT. |
| 164 | REALLY? |
| 165 | MM-HMM. IT'S HUGE. |
| 166 | THAT'S THE MOMENT WHEN SHE STOPPED BEING A PRINCESS |
| 167 | AND SHE BECAME LIKE A WOMAN, YOU KNOW? |
| 168 | DID YOU EVER..? DO THE..? THE LEIA THING? |
| 169 | OH, YEAH. MM-HMM. |
| 170 | OOH! |
| 171 | REALLY? |
| 172 | THAT... THAT GREAT, HUH? |
| 173 | NO. IT'S JUST THAT I GOT THIS NEW PAGER |
| 174 | AND I HAVE IT ON VIBRATE. |
| 175 | SEE YOU. |
| 176 | HEY... |
| 177 | HI, YOU GUYS. |
| 178 | LOOK WHO I FOUND |
| 179 | STANDING OUTSIDE THE SZECHUAN DRAGON |
| 180 | STARING AT A PARKING METER. |
| 181 | ( clearing throat ) |
| 182 | MON. |
| 183 | HI. |
| 184 | HI. |
| 185 | WHY AREN'T YOU AT WORK? |
| 186 | OH, THEY... THEY SENT ME HOME. |
| 187 | WHY? |
| 188 | BECAUSE I DON'T WORK AT THE SZECHUAN DRAGON. |
| 189 | OKAY. |
| 190 | YOU REALLY, REALLY NEED TO GET SOME SLEEP. |
| 191 | I KNOW I DO. |
| 192 | HI. HI. |
| 193 | GUESS WHAT. THEY PUBLISHED MY PAPER. |
| 194 | REALLY? |
| 195 | UH-HUH. |
| 196 | RACH, LOOK. |
| 197 | NO. |
| 198 | OOH, HI. |
| 199 | WHERE IS MY STRONG ROSS SKYWALKER |
| 200 | TO COME RESCUE ME? |
| 201 | THERE HE IS. |
| 202 | ( wheel clattering ) |
| 203 | WHEEL OF |
| 204 | Fortune... |
| 205 | Is there a T? THIS GUY'S SO STUPID. |
| 206 | IT'S COUNT RUSHMORE. |
| 207 | YOU SHOULD REALLY GO ON THIS SHOW. |
| 208 | ALL RIGHT, LISTEN. |
| 209 | I GOT THREE TICKETS TO THE RANGERS TONIGHT. |
| 210 | WHAT DO YOU SAY? |
| 211 | I SAY I AM THERE. |
| 212 | COOL. OH... IS ROSS GOING TOO? |
| 213 | NO. JANICE. |
| 214 | JANICE? |
| 215 | 'CAUSE I JUST... I FEEL BAD FOR ROSS, YOU KNOW? |
| 216 | I MEAN, WE ALWAYS GO TOGETHER. |
| 217 | WE'RE LIKE THE THREE HOCK-A-TEERS. |
| 218 | YOU KNOW, I MAY BE WAY OUT ON A LIMB HERE |
| 219 | BUT DO YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH JANICE? |
| 220 | NO. |
| 221 | YES. |
| 222 | GOD, HOW DO I SAY THIS? |
| 223 | UH, OH... HI. |
| 224 | YOU KNOW THAT GIRL FROM THE GREEK RESTAURANT |
| 225 | WITH THE HAIR? |
| 226 | EWW, THAT GIRL THAT I HATE? |
| 227 | EWW, SHE DRIVES ME CRAZY. |
| 228 | EWW, OH. |
| 229 | LOOK, I DON'T HATE JANICE. |
| 230 | SHE'S JUST A LOT TO TAKE, YOU KNOW? |
| 231 | WELL, THERE YOU GO. |
| 232 | OH, HEY, COME ON, MAN. |
| 233 | DON'T LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT. |
| 234 | SHE USED TO DRIVE YOU NUTS TOO, REMEMBER? |
| 235 | WELL, I'M CRAZY ABOUT HER NOW. |
| 236 | I THINK THIS COULD BE THE REAL THING. |
| 237 | CAPITAL "R," CAPITAL "T." |
| 238 | DON'T WORRY. |
| 239 | THOSE ARE THE RIGHT LETTERS. |
| 240 | LOOK... WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY? |
| 241 | I WANT YOU TO SAY THAT YOU LIKE HER. |
| 242 | I CAN'T. IT'S LIKE THIS CHEMICAL THING. |
| 243 | EVERY TIME SHE STARTS LAUGHING |
| 244 | I JUST WANT TO... |
| 245 | PULL MY ARM OFF |
| 246 | JUST SO I HAVE SOMETHING TO THROW AT HER. |
| 247 | THANKS FOR TRYING. |
| 248 | OH, AND BY THE WAY, THERE IS NO COUNT RUSHMORE. |
| 249 | YEAH? THEN WHO'S THE GUY THAT PAINTED THE FACES |
| 250 | ON THE MOUNTAIN? |
| 251 | HOW COULD YOU HAVE TOLD HER? |
| 252 | I DIDN'T THINK IT WOULD BE THAT BIG A DEAL. |
| 253 | SHE DIDN'T THINK IT WOULD BE THAT BIG A DEAL. |
| 254 | WHO ARE YOU TALKING TO WHEN YOU DO THAT? |
| 255 | LOOK, THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE |
| 256 | LIKE A PRIVATE, PERSONAL THING BETWEEN US. |
| 257 | ROSS, PHOEBE IS MY GIRLFRIEND, OKAY? |
| 258 | WE TELL EACH OTHER EVERYTHING, YOU KNOW? |
| 259 | I MEAN, COME ON. |
| 260 | GUYS DO THE SAME THING. |
| 261 | WHAT ABOUT ALL THAT LOCKER ROOM STUFF? |
| 262 | THAT'S DIFFERENT, OKAY? |
| 263 | THAT'S LIKE WHO DATED A STRIPPER |
| 264 | OR WHO DID IT ON THE BACK OF THE STATEN ISLAND FERRY? |
| 265 | BOTH THOSE JOEY? |
| 266 | YEAH. |
| 267 | BUT YOU DON'T TALK ABOUT |
| 268 | LIKE, YOU KNOW, YOUR GIRLFRIEND |
| 269 | AND THE INTIMATE STUFF YOU DO WITH HER. |
| 270 | NOT EVEN WITH YOUR BEST FRIEND? |
| 271 | NO. |
| 272 | THAT IS SO SAD. |
| 273 | YOU'RE MISSING OUT |
| 274 | ON SO MUCH, ROSS. |
| 275 | I MEAN, THE BONDING AND THE SHARING, YOU KNOW |
| 276 | AND KNOWING SOMEONE ELSE |
| 277 | IS GOING THROUGH THE SAME THING YOU ARE. |
| 278 | SO... WHAT... YOU TELL EACH OTHER EVERYTHING? |
| 279 | YEAH... PRETTY MUCH. |
| 280 | DID YOU TALK ABOUT "THE NIGHT OF FIVE TIMES?" |
| 281 | DO YOU TELL PEOPLE ABOUT "THE NIGHT OF FIVE TIMES?" |
| 282 | UH, HONEY, THAT WAS WITH CAROL. |
| 283 | I KNOW, BUT IT'S STILL WORTH MENTIONING. |
| 284 | RELAX EVERY MUSCLE IN YOUR BODY. |
| 285 | LISTEN TO THE PLINKY-PLUNKY MUSIC. |
| 286 | OKAY, NOW CLOSE YOUR EYES |
| 287 | AND THINK OF A HAPPY PLACE. |
| 288 | OKAY, TELL ME YOUR HAPPY PLACE. |
| 289 | RICHARD'S LIVING ROOM, DRINKING WINE. |
| 290 | NO, NO, NO. |
| 291 | NOT A RICHARD THING. |
| 292 | JUST PUT DOWN THE GLASS... AND GET OUT! |
| 293 | I'M SORRY, BUT THAT'S MY HAPPY PLACE. |
| 294 | OKAY, FINE, USE MY HAPPY PLACE, OKAY? |
| 295 | I'M GOING TO HAVE TO ASK THAT YOU DON'T MOVE ANYTHING. |
| 296 | ALL RIGHT, I'LL TRY NOT TO. |
| 297 | ALL RIGHT, SO, YOU'RE IN A MEADOW |
| 298 | MILLIONS OF STARS IN THE SKY... |
| 299 | DO YOU THINK BREAKING UP WITH HIM WAS A MISTAKE? |
| 300 | OKAY, THERE ARE NO QUESTIONS IN THE HAPPY PLACE. |
| 301 | OKAY, JUST |
| 302 | THE WARM BREEZE |
| 303 | AND THE MOONLIGHT FLOWING THROUGH THE TREE... |
| 304 | I BET HE'S TOTALLY OVER ME. |
| 305 | I'LL BET HE'S FINE. |
| 306 | BETTING AND WAGERING OF ANY KIND |
| 307 | ARE NOT PERMITTED IN THE HAPPY PLACE. |
| 308 | OKAY? THERE'S JUST |
| 309 | THE LOVELY WATERFALLS |
| 310 | AND THE, THE TRICKLING FOUNTAINS |
| 311 | AND THE CALMING SOUNDS OF THE BABBLING BROOK... |
| 312 | OKAY, THIS ISN'T WORKING. |
| 313 | I'M STILL AWAKE AND NOW I HAVE TO PEE. |
| 314 | OH. |
| 315 | SO, I HEAR... YOU HATE ME. |
| 316 | HEY, I NEVER SAID, "HATE." |
| 317 | I WAS VERY CAREFUL ABOUT THAT. |
| 318 | I KNOW. WELL |
| 319 | A LITTLE BIRDIE TOLD ME |
| 320 | SOMETHING ABOUT YOU WANTING TO RIP YOUR ARM OFF |
| 321 | AND THROW IT AT ME. |
| 322 | AND YOU GOT A "HATE" FROM THAT? |
| 323 | YOU'RE TAKING A BIG LEAP THERE. |
| 324 | ALL RIGHT. FINE, FINE, FINE, FINE, FINE. |
| 325 | WE HAVE GOT TO DO SOMETHING |
| 326 | ABOUT OUR LITTLE SITUATION HERE, JOEY. |
| 327 | SO, THIS IS MY IDEA. |
| 328 | YOU AND ME SPENDING SOME QUALITY TIME TOGETHER. |
| 329 | BUT WHAT DOES THAT..? |
| 330 | FOR CHANDLER! |
| 331 | OKAY. I'M IN. |
| 332 | OKAY, ALL RIGHT, THIS IS WHAT WE'RE GOING TO CALL IT. |
| 333 | "JOEY AND JANICE'S DAY OF FUN." |
| 334 | DOES IT HAVE TO BE A WHOLE DAY? |
| 335 | YES! BECAUSE THAT'S HOW LONG IT TAKES TO LOVE ME. |
| 336 | YEAH. I KNOW. |
| 337 | I SLEEP IN THE NEXT ROOM. |
| 338 | SO, I WENT DOWN TO THE POST OFFICE. |
| 339 | IT WAS THOSE VIDEOS I ORDERED FOR RICHARD |
| 340 | ABOUT THE CIVIL WAR. |
| 341 | HE LOVED THE CIVIL WAR. |
| 342 | MONICA, DO YOU WANT US TO TAKE YOU HOME? |
| 343 | UH-HUH. |
| 344 | OR MAYBE TO A GALAXY FAR, FAR AWAY. |
| 345 | WOMEN TELL EACH OTHER EVERYTHING. |
| 346 | DID YOU KNOW THAT? |
| 347 | HMM, YEAH. |
| 348 | NO, CHANDLER, EVERYTHING... LIKE... |
| 349 | STUFF YOU LIKE. |
| 350 | STUFF SHE LIKES. |
| 351 | TECHNIQUE, STAMINA, GIRTH. |
| 352 | GIRTH? |
| 353 | WHY, WHY, WHY, WHY |
| 354 | WHY, WHY WOULD THEY DO THIS? |
| 355 | RACHEL SAYS SHARING'S GREAT |
| 356 | AND SUPPOSEDLY, YOU KNOW |
| 357 | WE OUGHT TO BE DOING IT. |
| 358 | UH, DO YOU WANT TO? |
| 359 | WE'RE NOT GOING TO TALK ABOUT GIRTH, ARE WE? |
| 360 | NO! |
| 361 | YEAH, OKAY. |
| 362 | YEAH? |
| 363 | ALL RIGHT, YOU GO FIRST. |
| 364 | OKAY, OKAY. I'LL GO FIRST. |
| 365 | SO, UH, THE OTHER NIGHT |
| 366 | RACHEL AND I ARE IN BED TALKING ABOUT FANTASIES. |
| 367 | AND I HAPPENED TO DESCRIBE A PARTICULAR... |
| 368 | STAR WARS THING. |
| 369 | PRINCESS LEIA AND THE GOLD BIKINI. |
| 370 | YES! |
| 371 | I KNOW. |
| 372 | YES. |
| 373 | WELL, WOW... |
| 374 | WELL, THAT WAS EASY. |
| 375 | OKAY, YOU GO. |
| 376 | OKAY. OKAY. |
| 377 | OKAY, WELL, YOU KNOW |
| 378 | WHEN YOU'RE IN BED WITH A WOMAN... |
| 379 | HMM. |
| 380 | AND YOU KNOW |
| 381 | YOU'RE FOOLING AROUND WITH HER |
| 382 | AND YOU GET |
| 383 | ALL THESE, LIKE, MENTAL IMAGES IN YOUR BRAIN. |
| 384 | YOU KNOW LIKE, ELLE MacPHERSON |
| 385 | OR THAT GIRL AT THE XEROX PLACE. |
| 386 | WITH THE BELLY BUTTON RING? |
| 387 | OH... MM-WAH. |
| 388 | AND THEN, ALL OF A SUDDEN |
| 389 | YOUR MOM POPS IN YOUR HEAD. |
| 390 | AND YOU'RE LIKE |
| 391 | "MOM, GET OUT OF HERE." |
| 392 | BUT, OF COURSE, AFTER THAT |
| 393 | YOU CAN'T POSSIBLY THINK OF ANYTHING ELSE |
| 394 | AND YOU CAN'T, YOU KNOW, STOP WHAT YOU'RE DOING |
| 395 | SO IT'S KIND OF LIKE YOU'RE... YOU KNOW... |
| 396 | YOU DON'T KNOW. |
| 397 | YOUR... MOM? |
| 398 | YOU'RE, YOU'RE TELLING ME ABOUT YOUR MOM? |
| 399 | WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU? |
| 400 | YOU SAID... |
| 401 | I SAID, "SHARE," NOT "SCARE." |
| 402 | WE'RE BACK! |
| 403 | HEY, WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING TOGETHER? |
| 404 | "JOEY AND JANICE'S DAY OF FUN." |
| 405 | REALLY? |
| 406 | Joey: YEAH, YEAH. |
| 407 | WE WENT TO A METS GAME. |
| 408 | WE GOT CHINESE FOOD |
| 409 | AND, YOU KNOW, I LOVE THIS WOMAN. |
| 410 | YOU HAVE GOT COMPETITION, BUDDY. |
| 411 | I JUST CAME BY TO GIVE YOU A KISS. |
| 412 | ( kissing sounds ) |
| 413 | I HAVE TO GO PICK UP THE BABIES |
| 414 | SO I'LL SEE YOU LATER, SWEETHEART. |
| 415 | YOU TOO, CHANDLER. |
| 416 | ( laughs ) |
| 417 | YOU STILL CAN'T STAND HER, CAN YOU? |
| 418 | I'M SORRY, MAN. |
| 419 | I TRIED. I REALLY DID. |
| 420 | WELL, YOU KNOW, I APPRECIATE YOU GIVING IT A SHOT. |
| 421 | BUT, HEY, LOOK, YOU KNOW, THE GOOD THING IS |
| 422 | IS THAT WE SPENT THE WHOLE DAY TOGETHER |
| 423 | AND I SURVIVED. |
| 424 | AND WHAT'S EVEN MORE AMAZING, SO DID SHE. |
| 425 | I MEAN, IT WAS "BAT DAY" AT SHEA STADIUM. |
| 426 | YEAH, I... |
| 427 | I GUESS THAT'S SOMETHING. |
| 428 | OH, MAN. |
| 429 | THAT'S HUGE. |
| 430 | NOW I KNOW I CAN STAND TO BE AROUND HER |
| 431 | WHICH MEANS, I GET TO HANG OUT WITH YOU |
| 432 | WHICH IS KIND OF THE WHOLE POINT ANYWAY. |
| 433 | OKAY. |
| 434 | OH, HEY, CHANDLER |
| 435 | WE STOPPED BY THE COFFEE SHOP |
| 436 | AND RAN INTO ROSS. |
| 437 | OH, GOD. |
| 438 | IF IT MAKES YOU FEEL ANY BETTER |
| 439 | I DO IT TOO. |
| 440 | REALLY? |
| 441 | OH, YEAH. |
| 442 | I ALWAYS PICTURE YOUR MOM WHEN I'M HAVING SEX. |
| 443 | April 12, 1861... |
| 444 | ( knocking ) |
| 445 | ( knocking resumes ) |
| 446 | HEY, DAD. |
| 447 | WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? |
| 448 | IT'S YOUR MOTHER'S BRIDGE NIGHT |
| 449 | SO I THOUGHT I'D COME INTO THE CITY |
| 450 | FOR A LITTLE MONI-CUDDLE. |
| 451 | SINCE WHEN DID YOU START SMOKING CIGARS? |
| 452 | I DON'T. |
| 453 | I JUST... |
| 454 | I JUST LIKE THE SMELL OF IT. |
| 455 | SO, UH... |
| 456 | WHAT ARE YOU REALLY DOING HERE, DAD? |
| 457 | I WANTED TO MAKE SURE |
| 458 | THAT YOU'RE OKAY. |
| 459 | WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I MIGHT NOT BE? |
| 460 | I SAW RICHARD. |
| 461 | OH? |
| 462 | HOW YOU DOING? |
| 463 | FINE. |
| 464 | JUST A LITTLE TIRED. |
| 465 | I'M OKAY. |
| 466 | HOW'S RICHARD DOING? |
| 467 | YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW. |
| 468 | NO, I REALLY, REALLY DO. |
| 469 | WELL, HE'S DOING TERRIBLE. |
| 470 | REALLY? |
| 471 | WORSE THAN WHEN HE BROKE UP WITH BARBARA. |
| 472 | YOU'RE NOT JUST SAYING THAT, ARE YOU? |
| 473 | NO, THE MAN IS A MESS. |
| 474 | WAS HE CRYING? |
| 475 | NO. |
| 476 | WELL, DO YOU THINK |
| 477 | HE WAS WAITING UNTIL YOU LEFT |
| 478 | SO HE COULD CRY? |
| 479 | MAYBE. |
| 480 | I THINK SO. |
| 481 | HONEY, RELATIONSHIPS ARE HARD. |
| 482 | LIKE YOUR MOM AND ME. |
| 483 | AFTER WE GRADUATED FROM COLLEGE, WE BROKE UP FOR A WHILE. |
| 484 | IT SEEMS HER FATHER, YOUR GRANDFATHER |
| 485 | WANTED HER TO TRAVEL AROUND EUROPE LIKE HE DID. |
| 486 | OF COURSE, HE GOT TO DO IT ON UNCLE SAM'S NICKEL |
| 487 | BECAUSE HE WAS ALSO STRAFING GERMAN TROOP TRAINS AT THE TIME. |
| 488 | HOWEVER... |
| 489 | ( humming "Star Wars" theme ) |
| 490 | ( continues humming ) |
| 491 | OKAY, HERE WE GO. |
| 492 | I'M JABBA'S PRISONER |
| 493 | AND YOU |
| 494 | HAVE A REALLY WEIRD LOOK ON YOUR FACE. |
| 495 | WHAT? WHAT IS IT? |
| 496 | DID I GET IT WRONG? |
| 497 | DID I GET THE HAIR WRONG? |
| 498 | DID YOU PICTURE IT |
| 499 | DIFFERENTLY? |
| 500 | NO, NO. IT'S NOT YOU. |
| 501 | IT'S, UM, IT'S... |
| 502 | WELL, WHAT IS IT? |
| 503 | COME ON, SWEETIE, YOU'RE KIND OF FREAKING ME OUT HERE. |
| 504 | I HATE CHANDLER. |
| 505 | THE BASTARD RUINED MY LIFE. |
| 506 | [Captioned by The Caption Center WGBH Educational Foundation] |
| 507 | |
| 1 | ALL RIGHT, THEY GOT WATER |
| 2 | ORANGE JUICE AND WHAT LOOKS LIKE CIDER. |
| 3 | TASTE IT. |
| 4 | YUP. IT'S FAT. |
| 5 | I DRANK FAT! |
| 6 | YEAH, I KNOW. |
| 7 | I DID THAT TWO MINUTES AGO. |
| 8 | HEY. |
| 9 | HEY, MR. TUX. |
| 10 | WHY AREN'T YOU GUYS DRESSED? |
| 11 | WE HAVE A HALF HOUR. |
| 12 | FOUR MINUTES AGO, YOU HAD A HALF HOUR. |
| 13 | WE HAVE TO BE OUT THE DOOR AT 20 TO 8:00. |
| 14 | RELAX, ROSS. WE'LL BE READY. |
| 15 | IT TAKES TWO MINUTES TO GET DRESSED. |
| 16 | I'D FEEL A LOT BETTER IF YOU GOT DRESSED NOW. |
| 17 | OKAY. OKAY. |
| 18 | HEY, HEY! |
| 19 | OH, LOOK AT YOU-- |
| 20 | ALL SEXY. |
| 21 | REALLY? |
| 22 | OH! |
| 23 | WOW. |
| 24 | MMM, HI. HI. |
| 25 | HOW COME YOU DIDN'T COME OVER EARLIER? |
| 26 | 'CAUSE I'M A STUPID, STUPID MAN. |
| 27 | HEY, ROSS, WANT SOME CIDER? |
| 28 | NO. |
| 29 | SO, UH, LET'S SEE. YOU'RE PRETTY CLOSE, HUH? |
| 30 | MAKEUP'S ON, HAIR IS DONE... |
| 31 | I JUST HAVE TO GET DRESSED. |
| 32 | YAY. AND THAT TAKES, WHAT? |
| 33 | JUST SIX OR SEVEN MINUTES? |
| 34 | YEAH. ONCE I FIGURE OUT WHAT I'M WEARING. |
| 35 | ( door shuts ) |
| 36 | GLASS OF FAT? |
| 37 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 38 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 39 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 40 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 41 | ♪ WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY ♪ |
| 42 | ♪ YOUR WEEK, YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 43 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 44 | ♪ WHEN THE RAIN STARTS TO POUR ♪ |
| 45 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 46 | ♪ LIKE I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE ♪ |
| 47 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 48 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME TOO. ♪ |
| 49 | WHAT'S THE MATTER, ROSS? |
| 50 | ARE YOU NERVOUS ABOUT YOUR SPEECH? |
| 51 | ( nervously ): NOPE. |
| 52 | YOU WANT TO HEAR IT? |
| 53 | AM I IN IT? |
| 54 | UH-HUH. |
| 55 | YEAH, RIGHT AFTER I THANK EVERYONE |
| 56 | FOR GIVING MONEY TO THE MUSEUM |
| 57 | I SING A SONG ABOUT THE WONDER THAT IS JOEY. |
| 58 | HELLO. |
| 59 | Ross: HEY. Joey: WHOA. |
| 60 | Ross: WELL, HELLO. YOU LOOK GREAT. |
| 61 | THANK YOU. I KNOW, THOUGH. |
| 62 | YOU SEE THIS? |
| 63 | THIS IS A PERSON WHO IS READY TO GO. |
| 64 | PHOEBE, YOU... OH, YOU ARE MY STAR. |
| 65 | OH. WELL, YOU'RE... MY LUCKY PENNY. |
| 66 | ALL RIGHT. I TOOK THE QUIZ, AND IT TURNS OUT |
| 67 | I DO PUT CAREER BEFORE MEN. |
| 68 | GET UP. |
| 69 | WHAT? |
| 70 | YOU'RE IN MY SEAT. |
| 71 | HOW IS THIS YOUR SEAT? |
| 72 | BECAUSE I WAS SITTING THERE. |
| 73 | BUT THEN YOU LEFT. |
| 74 | WELL, IT'S NOT LIKE I WENT TO SPAIN. |
| 75 | I WENT TO THE BATHROOM. YOU KNEW I WAS COMING BACK. |
| 76 | WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL? SIT SOMEWHERE ELSE. |
| 77 | THE BIG DEAL IS I WAS SITTING THERE LAST |
| 78 | SO... IT'S MY SEAT. |
| 79 | WELL, ACTUALLY, THE LAST PLACE YOU WERE SITTING |
| 80 | WAS IN THERE, SO... |
| 81 | LOOK, YOU GUYS, YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 82 | IT DOESN'T MATTER |
| 83 | BECAUSE YOU BOTH HAVE TO GO GET DRESSED |
| 84 | BEFORE THE BIG VEIN IN MY HEAD POPS, SO... |
| 85 | ALL RIGHT, ROSS, I JUST HAVE |
| 86 | TO DO ONE THING REALLY QUICKLY. IT'S NOT A BIG DEAL. |
| 87 | GET UP!! |
| 88 | HI. HEY. |
| 89 | OOH, PHOEBE, YOU LOOK GREAT. |
| 90 | ALL RIGHT ALREADY. |
| 91 | OOH, ARE YOU GOING TO DO MAGIC? |
| 92 | THAT'S-THAT'S FUNNY. CHANGE. |
| 93 | I JUST GOT IN. |
| 94 | LOOK, I DON'T CARE. |
| 95 | IT STARTS AT 8:00. |
| 96 | WE CAN'T BE LATE. |
| 97 | AND WE COULD NOT, WOULD NOT |
| 98 | WANT TO WAIT. |
| 99 | LOOK, OUR TABLE IS DOWN IN FRONT, OKAY? |
| 100 | MY BOSS IS GOING TO BE THERE. |
| 101 | EVERYONE WILL SEE IF WE ARRIVE AFTER IT STARTS. |
| 102 | HAS SOMEBODY BEEN DRINKING MY FAT? |
| 103 | YOU GUYS, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE SOMETHING |
| 104 | THE GIRLFRIEND OF A PALEONTOLOGIST WOULD WEAR? |
| 105 | I DON'T KNOW. YOU MIGHT BE THE FIRST ONE. |
| 106 | RACH, DID YOU CHECK THE MACHINE? Rachel: Uh, no. |
| 107 | THIS IS THE OUTFIT THAT MAKES MY CALVES LOOK FAT. |
| 108 | NEVER MIND. |
| 109 | WELL, JOEY, |
| 110 | I WROTE A LITTLE SONG TODAY. |
| 111 | IT'S CALLED "GET UP." |
| 112 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 113 | YOU CAN HAVE THE CHAIR. |
| 114 | REALLY? |
| 115 | OH, MY... WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT? |
| 116 | ( laughing ) |
| 117 | ( message machine beeping ) |
| 118 | Phoebe: Hi, it's me. I'm coming over now. |
| 119 | Hey, what if I'm already there |
| 120 | when you're playing this message? |
| 121 | Is that too spooky? |
| 122 | ( beeping ) |
| 123 | Ross: Hi, Rach, are you there? |
| 124 | It's me. Pick up. |
| 125 | Rachel? Rach? |
| 126 | WHAT? |
| 127 | NEVER MIND. |
| 128 | ( beeping ) |
| 129 | Monica, it's Richard. |
| 130 | Call me. |
| 131 | I-IS, IS THAT MESSAGE OLD OR NEW? |
| 132 | OLD OR NEW?! |
| 133 | IT'S OLD, IT'S DEFINITELY OLD. |
| 134 | DIDN'T YOU HEAR THE DOUBLE BEEP? |
| 135 | WHAT IF IT'S NEW? |
| 136 | WE AGREED NOT TO TALK. |
| 137 | HE COULD HAVE SOMETHING IMPORTANT TO SAY. |
| 138 | SHOULDN'T I CALL HIM BACK? |
| 139 | HONEY, YOU DID CALL HIM BACK, 'CAUSE IT'S REALLY OLD. |
| 140 | YEAH, SEE... MON, LISTEN, LISTEN. |
| 141 | WHEN CAROL AND I BROKE UP, I WENT THROUGH THE SAME THING |
| 142 | AND YOU KNOW WHAT I DID? |
| 143 | HUH? |
| 144 | I GOT DRESSED. |
| 145 | REALLY, REALLY QUICKLY, OKAY? |
| 146 | THERE WE GO, THERE WE GO. |
| 147 | Chandler: YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 148 | FINE. DON'T GET UP. |
| 149 | JUST SIT RIGHT THERE. |
| 150 | I JUST HOPE YOU DON'T MIND |
| 151 | YOU KNOW, MY HAND RIGHT HERE. |
| 152 | OH, NOT TOUCHING. CAN'T GET MAD. |
| 153 | NOT TOUCHING. CAN'T GET MAD. |
| 154 | NOT TOUCHING, CAN'T GET MAD. |
| 155 | OH..! |
| 156 | OH, MY GOD, YOU... |
| 157 | ROTTEN BOYS! |
| 158 | SORRY, PHOEBE. |
| 159 | I'M SO SORRY. |
| 160 | WHAT AM I GOING TO DO? |
| 161 | NO, NO, DON'T RUB IT. |
| 162 | WHAT GETS OUT HUMMUS, WHAT GETS OUT HUMMUS?! |
| 163 | MONICA, MONICA, WHAT GETS OUT HUMMUS? |
| 164 | IF IT IS A NEW MESSAGE, WHAT IS HE CALLING TO SAY? |
| 165 | OKAY, THANKS. YEAH, I'LL TRY THAT. |
| 166 | MAYBE HE'S CALLING TO SAY YOU'RE OBSESSIVE AND CRAZY? |
| 167 | SO, SHOULD I CALL HIM BACK? |
| 168 | Men: NO! |
| 169 | Men: NO! |
| 170 | ALL RIGHT, FINE. YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 171 | WE'LL BOTH SIT IN THE CHAIR. |
| 172 | FINE WITH ME. |
| 173 | I AM SO COMFORTABLE. |
| 174 | ME TOO. |
| 175 | IN FACT, I THINK I MIGHT BE |
| 176 | A LITTLE TOO COMFORTABLE. |
| 177 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 178 | ( laughing ) |
| 179 | OKAY, LOOK |
| 180 | WE HAVE 19 MINUTES. |
| 181 | CHANDLER, I WANT YOU TO GO AND CHANGE |
| 182 | AND THEN WHEN YOU COME BACK, JOEY WILL GO CHANGE |
| 183 | AND HE'LL HAVE VACATED THE CHAIR, OKAY? |
| 184 | OKAY. ALL RIGHT. |
| 185 | FINE. I'M GOING |
| 186 | BUT WHEN I GET BACK, IT'S CHAIR CITY |
| 187 | AND I'M THE GUY WHO'S... |
| 188 | SITTING IN A CHAIR. |
| 189 | IS THIS A LITTLE TOO..? |
| 190 | PHEEBS, WHAT HAPPENED? |
| 191 | HUMMUS. I GOT THE HUMMUS. |
| 192 | OH... HONEY, WELL |
| 193 | WE'LL FIND YOU SOMETHING. |
| 194 | DO YOU WANT TO WEAR MY BLACK JACKET? |
| 195 | THAT WON'T GO WITH THIS DRESS. |
| 196 | WE'LL FIND YOU SOMETHING. |
| 197 | LET'S JUST GET YOU OUT OF THAT. |
| 198 | NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. |
| 199 | NOT OUT OF THAT. |
| 200 | NOT OUT OF CLOTHES. |
| 201 | MONICA, CAN PHOEBE BORROW YOUR GREEN DRESS? |
| 202 | I CALLED HIM. |
| 203 | ( all gasping ) YES. |
| 204 | WELL, I GOT HIS MACHINE, AND I LEFT A MESSAGE |
| 205 | BUT IT'S OKAY, IT'S OKAY, BECAUSE, YOU KNOW, |
| 206 | IT WAS, LIKE, A CASUAL, BREEZY MESSAGE. |
| 207 | IT WAS BREEZY. |
| 208 | OH, GOD, WHAT IF IT WASN'T BREEZY? |
| 209 | WELL, HOW COULD IT NOT BE BREEZY? |
| 210 | NO, 'CAUSE YOU'RE IN SUCH A BREEZY PLACE. |
| 211 | YOU KNOW, I GOT IT. |
| 212 | I WILL PLAY MY MESSAGE FOR YOU GUYS |
| 213 | AND YOU CAN TELL ME IF IT'S BREEZY ENOUGH. |
| 214 | BUT, MONICA, HOW ARE YOU GOING TO DO THAT? |
| 215 | I KNOW THE CODE TO HIS ANSWERING MACHINE. |
| 216 | OKAY, MON, I REALLY DON'T THINK THIS IS THE... |
| 217 | OKAY, YOU'RE DIALING. YOU ARE DIALING. |
| 218 | Hi, this is Richard. |
| 219 | Please leave a message at the tone. |
| 220 | ( beeping ) |
| 221 | Machine voice: You have two new messages. |
| 222 | WOW, WHAT A COOL JOB. |
| 223 | ( imitating machine ): YOU HAVE TWO NEW MESSAGES. |
| 224 | PLEASE PASS THE PIE. |
| 225 | ( beeping ) |
| 226 | Hi, it's Monica. |
| 227 | I'm just checking in |
| 228 | because I got this message from you |
| 229 | and I didn't know if it was old or new or what |
| 230 | so, I'm just checking. |
| 231 | So, let me know. |
| 232 | Or don't. Whatever. |
| 233 | I'm breezy. |
| 234 | HEY, YOU CAN'T SAY YOU'RE BREEZY. |
| 235 | THAT TOTALLY NEGATES THE BREEZY. |
| 236 | ( beeping ) |
| 237 | Woman: Hola. It's me. |
| 238 | Yesterday was really fun. |
| 239 | Call me about this weekend, okay? |
| 240 | NOW, SHE SOUNDED BREEZY. |
| 241 | HE'S SEEING SOMEONE. |
| 242 | I CAN'T BELIEVE HE'S SEEING SOMEONE. |
| 243 | YOU DON'T KNOW THAT. |
| 244 | WELL, WHOSE VOICE WAS THAT? |
| 245 | MAYBE IT WAS HIS SISTER'S, MAYBE HIS DAUGHTER'S. |
| 246 | MICHELLE. OF COURSE! |
| 247 | IT WAS MICHELLE. DID IT SOUND LIKE MICHELLE? |
| 248 | OH, GREAT. |
| 249 | IT'S STARTING TO RAIN. |
| 250 | THAT'LL MAKE IT EASIER TO GET A CAB. |
| 251 | IT WAS MICHELLE. |
| 252 | IT WAS DEFINITELY MICHELLE. |
| 253 | PHEEBS, YOU GO WITH MONICA. TRY ON HER GREEN DRESS. |
| 254 | IF THAT DOESN'T WORK, YOU'RE WEARING MY GRAY SILK ONE. |
| 255 | UNLESS I WEAR IT. |
| 256 | YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE WEARING? |
| 257 | I'M JUST TRYING TO LOOK NICE FOR YOUR BIG NIGHT. |
| 258 | YEAH, WHICH WE HAVE TO LEAVE FOR IN EXACTLY 12 MINUTES. |
| 259 | COME ON. I'LL JUST PICK SOMETHING OUT FOR YOU. |
| 260 | YOU WILL NOTICE THAT I AM FULLY DRESSED. |
| 261 | I, IN TURN, HAVE NOTICED THAT YOU ARE NOT. |
| 262 | SO, IN THE WORDS OF A.A. MILNE |
| 263 | "GET OUT OF MY CHAIR, DILLHOLE." |
| 264 | OKAY. |
| 265 | WHAT ARE YOU DOING? |
| 266 | YOU SAID I HAD TO GIVE YOU THE CHAIR. |
| 267 | YOU DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING ABOUT THE CUSHIONS. |
| 268 | THE CUSHIONS ARE THE ESSENCE OF THE CHAIR. |
| 269 | THAT'S RIGHT! I'M TAKING THE ESSENCE. |
| 270 | HO-HO, HE'LL BE BACK. |
| 271 | HO-HO, THERE'S NOBODY IN THE ROOM. |
| 272 | I'M SORRY. I THOUGHT IT LOOKED PRETTY. |
| 273 | ROSS, THAT WAS A HALLOWEEN COSTUME. |
| 274 | UNLESS YOU WOULD LIKE ME TO GO AS LITTLE BO-PEEP. |
| 275 | LOOK, I DIDN'T RECOGNIZE IT WITHOUT THAT INFLATABLE SHEEP. |
| 276 | WHICH, BY THE WAY, CHANDLER, I WOULD LIKE BACK |
| 277 | ONE OF THESE DAYS. |
| 278 | OOH! RACH, GOOD. |
| 279 | LISTEN, ISN'T THIS PERFECT FOR ME? |
| 280 | OH, IT'S PERFECT. |
| 281 | BUT NOT FOR TONIGHT. |
| 282 | WELL, NO. OF COURSE, NOT FOR TONIGHT. |
| 283 | GUYS, "NOT FOR TONIGHT"? WHAT ARE YOU DOING? |
| 284 | NO, I'M SORRY. WE DIDN'T MEAN IT. |
| 285 | I LOVE YOU. BREATHE. |
| 286 | WE USED THEM AS PILLOWS WHEN WE WENT CAMPING. |
| 287 | WHAT? |
| 288 | THE SHEEP. |
| 289 | HEY, WHAT YOU DO ON YOUR OWN TIME... |
| 290 | WHERE'S MY UNDERWEAR? WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. |
| 291 | COME ON. WHAT? |
| 292 | YOU TOOK HIS UNDERWEAR? |
| 293 | HE TOOK MY ESSENCE. |
| 294 | HOLD ON. |
| 295 | JOEY, WHY CAN'T YOU |
| 296 | JUST WEAR THE UNDERWEAR YOU'RE WEARING NOW? |
| 297 | 'CAUSE I'M NOT WEARING ANY UNDERWEAR NOW. |
| 298 | THEN WHY DO YOU HAVE TO WEAR UNDERWEAR TONIGHT? |
| 299 | IT'S A RENTED TUX, OKAY? |
| 300 | I'M NOT GOING TO GO COMMANDO IN ANOTHER MAN'S FATIGUES. |
| 301 | WELL, THEN, IT LOOKS LIKE |
| 302 | SOMEBODY'S GOING TO HAVE TO GIVE |
| 303 | SOMEBODY BACK HIS CUSHIONS. |
| 304 | OKAY. YOU HIDE MY CLOTHES? |
| 305 | I'M GOING TO DO THE EXACT OPPOSITE TO YOU. |
| 306 | WHAT, ARE YOU GOING TO SHOW ME MY CLOTHES? |
| 307 | HEY, OPPOSITE... IS OPPOSITE. |
| 308 | HE'S GOT NOTHING! |
| 309 | OKAY. I'M READY. |
| 310 | ( both stammering ) |
| 311 | RACHEL DIDN'T HAVE ANYTHING THAT I LIKED, SO... |
| 312 | BUT SHE HAD THIS CHRISTMAS RIBBON, AND I THOUGHT, |
| 313 | ALL RIGHT, FINE. I'LL BE POLITICAL. |
| 314 | WHAT ARE YOU SUPPORTING? |
| 315 | DUH. CHRISTMAS. |
| 316 | OKAY. HEY, THAT'S OKAY WITH ME. |
| 317 | TWO DOWN, AND I HAVE EXACTLY 12 MINUTES... |
| 318 | TWELVE... |
| 319 | MY WATCH STOPPED. |
| 320 | MY WATCH... |
| 321 | OKAY. SEE, THE DINOSAUR TAIL |
| 322 | ISN'T GOING AROUND ANYMORE. |
| 323 | WHAT TIME IS IT? |
| 324 | IT'S 7:33. I HAVE SEVEN MINUTES. |
| 325 | I HAVE SEVEN MINUTES. |
| 326 | WHICH SHOES SHOULD I WEAR, BLACK OR PURPLE? |
| 327 | JUST... JUST PICK ONE, OKAY? |
| 328 | OKAY, OKAY. THE BLACK. |
| 329 | BUT DO YOU HAVE BLACK |
| 330 | WITH LITTLE STRAPPIES? |
| 331 | YEAH, BUT THOSE REALLY GO BETTER WITH PANTS. |
| 332 | MAYBE I SHOULD WEAR PANTS. |
| 333 | YEAH, PANTS. WHAT... WHAT AN IDEA. |
| 334 | OR BETTER YET, HOW ABOUT YOU GO WITHOUT ANY PANTS? |
| 335 | I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TRYING TO DO |
| 336 | BUT JUST GET YOUR BUTT IN THERE |
| 337 | PICK OUT ANY SHOES THAT FIT YOUR FEET, OKAY? |
| 338 | NO, NO. I DON'T CARE IF THEY MATCH. |
| 339 | I DON'T CARE IF THEY MAKE YOUR ANKLES, YOUR KNEES |
| 340 | OR YOUR EARLOBES LOOK FAT. BUT I-- |
| 341 | NO, NO, NO. JUST DO IT. |
| 342 | GO IN THERE, PICK SOMETHING OUT SO WE CAN GO. |
| 343 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 344 | THANK YOU. |
| 345 | OKAY, I'VE GOT TO CALL MICHELLE. |
| 346 | I'VE GOT TO SEE IF THAT WAS HER VOICE OR NOT. |
| 347 | I'M SORRY, I JUST HAVE TO. |
| 348 | IT WAS HER VOICE. |
| 349 | MONICA, I THINK YOU'VE GONE OVER TO THE BAD PLACE. |
| 350 | ( ringing ) |
| 351 | Michelle: Hola. |
| 352 | Hello. |
| 353 | Hello? |
| 354 | OKAY. THAT WAS HER, RIGHT? |
| 355 | DEFINITELY, YEAH. |
| 356 | SO THERE YOU GO. |
| 357 | WE'RE OUT OF THE WOODS. |
| 358 | I THINK I'LL GET DRESSED NOW. |
| 359 | ( ringing ) |
| 360 | I'LL GET IT, OKAY. |
| 361 | HI. MONICA AND RACHEL'S. |
| 362 | YEAH. JUST A SECOND. |
| 363 | CAN I ASK WHO'S CALLING? |
| 364 | OH. OOH, IT'S MICHELLE. OOH! |
| 365 | SHE MUST HAVE THAT CALLER I.D. THING. |
| 366 | YOU SHOULD GET THAT. |
| 367 | UH... MICHELLE? |
| 368 | YEAH, THAT WAS ME. |
| 369 | UM, I DIALED YOUR NUMBER BY MISTAKE. |
| 370 | CAN YOU JUST TRY... |
| 371 | OH, YOU'RE SO SWEET! |
| 372 | YEAH, WE WERE A GREAT COUPLE. |
| 373 | I KNOW, I REALLY MISS HIM. |
| 374 | YOU KNOW HOW IT IS. |
| 375 | IT'S JUST... |
| 376 | YOU KNOW WHAT'S WEIRD? |
| 377 | ( clears throat ) |
| 378 | DONALD DUCK NEVER WORE PANTS. |
| 379 | BUT WHENEVER HE'S GETTING OUT OF THE SHOWER |
| 380 | HE ALWAYS PUTS A TOWEL AROUND HIS WAIST. |
| 381 | I MEAN, WHAT IS THAT ABOUT? |
| 382 | SHH! |
| 383 | MICHELLE, I ONLY BEEPED IN |
| 384 | SO I COULD HEAR MY OWN MESSAGE. |
| 385 | I MEAN, THAT'S ALLOWED. |
| 386 | YEAH-HUH! |
| 387 | YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 388 | I WOULD REALLY APPRECIATE IT |
| 389 | IF YOU WOULDN'T TELL YOUR DAD ABOUT... |
| 390 | WHAT DO YOU MEAN |
| 391 | YOU DON'T FEEL COMFORTABLE WITH THIS? |
| 392 | COME ON, WE'RE FRIENDS! ( line disconnects ) |
| 393 | THAT BITCH ALWAYS HATED ME. |
| 394 | I'M CALLING HER BACK. |
| 395 | NO, NO. TICK, TICK, TICK, TICK, TICK, TICK. |
| 396 | OKAY, FINE. |
| 397 | OKAY. |
| 398 | SHE GOT A PHONE IN THERE, RIGHT? |
| 399 | OKAY, WE'RE ON IT, WE'RE ON IT. |
| 400 | ( clears throat ) |
| 401 | UM... |
| 402 | ( nervous laughing ) |
| 403 | I KNOW IT SAYS "BLACK TIE OPTIONAL" |
| 404 | BUT... THIS... THIS MAY BE PUSHING IT A LITTLE. |
| 405 | UM... |
| 406 | I'M NOT GOING TO GO. |
| 407 | YOU'RE NOT GOING TO GO? |
| 408 | NO. I THINK I'M GOING TO CATCH UP |
| 409 | ON MY CORRESPONDENCE. |
| 410 | HOW-HOW, UM... |
| 411 | HOW CAN YOU NOT BE GOING? |
| 412 | I'M NOT GOING TO GO |
| 413 | SO I THINK THAT WILL ACCOMPLISH THE NOT GOING. |
| 414 | UM, YOU KNOW, JUST OUT OF CURIOSITY... |
| 415 | WELL, EVER SINCE I WAS HUMILIATED |
| 416 | AND YELLED AT IN FRONT OF MY FRIENDS |
| 417 | I'M JUST, I DON'T KNOW, |
| 418 | NOT IN A VERY MUSEUM-BENEFITY KIND OF MOOD. |
| 419 | RIGHT, OKAY, OKAY. |
| 420 | GOD, I'M SORRY I YELLED. |
| 421 | THAT'S FINE. NO, BUT YOU'RE MAD. |
| 422 | I'M NOT MAD, I'M JUST NOT GOING. YOU'RE NOT GOING. |
| 423 | RIGHT. OKAY. |
| 424 | YOU KNOW THAT I HAVE TO GO, RIGHT? |
| 425 | MM-HMM. |
| 426 | IS IT GOING TO BE LIKE I'M ABANDONING YOU |
| 427 | WHILE YOU'RE UPSET? |
| 428 | NO. |
| 429 | NO? BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT UPSET... |
| 430 | RIGHT. ...ABOUT THE YELLING? |
| 431 | RIGHT... AND THE HUMILIATING. |
| 432 | WELL, OF COURSE THE HUMILIATING. |
| 433 | SO, SO, WE, WE'RE OKAY. |
| 434 | MM-HMM. WE'RE GOOD. |
| 435 | RIGHT. OKAY. |
| 436 | HONEY? |
| 437 | YES, ROSS. I LOVE YOU. |
| 438 | MM-HMM. |
| 439 | Phoebe: GET AWAY FROM THE PHONE! Monica: Ow! |
| 440 | SHE'S JUST GETTING DRESSED. |
| 441 | IS IT WRONG THAT I WAS TOTALLY AROUSED BY THAT? |
| 442 | OKAY, BUDDY BOY, HERE IT IS. |
| 443 | YOU HIDE MY CLOTHES, I'M WEARING EVERYTHING YOU OWN. |
| 444 | OH, MY GOD! |
| 445 | THAT IS SO NOT-THE-OPPOSITE |
| 446 | OF TAKING SOMEBODY'S UNDERWEAR! |
| 447 | LOOK AT ME! I'M CHANDLER! |
| 448 | COULD I BE WEARING ANY MORE CLOTHES? |
| 449 | MAYBE IF I WASN'T GOING COMMANDO... |
| 450 | ( choked groaning ) |
| 451 | YEAH, WHOO! IT'S HOT WITH ALL THIS STUFF ON. |
| 452 | I... I BETTER NOT DO ANY, |
| 453 | I DON'T KNOW, LUNGES. |
| 454 | OKAY, OKAY. ENOUGH OF THE LUNGING. |
| 455 | NO, I'M SICK OF THIS, OKAY? |
| 456 | I'VE HAD IT UP TO HERE WITH YOU TWO. |
| 457 | NEITHER OF YOU CAN COME TO THE PARTY. |
| 458 | GEEZ, WHAT A BABY. |
| 459 | YEAH, ROSS. WAY TO RUIN IT. |
| 460 | I WAS JUST GOING TO GET DRESSED. |
| 461 | THE ONLY PERSON I CARED ABOUT GETTING DRESSED |
| 462 | IS THE ONE PERSON THAT SAYS SHE'S NOT GOING. |
| 463 | LOOK, RACH, I'M SORRY, OKAY? |
| 464 | I WAS A JERK, OKAY? |
| 465 | I'M SORRY I YELLED. |
| 466 | I WANT YOU THERE. |
| 467 | I NEED YOU THERE. |
| 468 | WHAT CAN I DO TO SHOW YOU HOW MUCH... |
| 469 | HOW MUCH I WANT YOU TO BE THERE? |
| 470 | YOU COULD DRINK THE FAT. |
| 471 | HI. WELCOME TO AN ADULT CONVERSATION. |
| 472 | NO. NOW, WAIT A MINUTE, WAIT A MINUTE. |
| 473 | THAT ACTUALLY, UH, THAT SOUNDS INTERESTING. |
| 474 | WHAT? |
| 475 | I THINK YOU SHOULD DRINK THE FAT. |
| 476 | YAY. |
| 477 | OKAY. OKAY. |
| 478 | IF THAT'S WHAT IT TAKES TO SHOW YOU |
| 479 | HOW MUCH YOU MEAN TO ME |
| 480 | AND HOW MUCH I WANT YOU THERE |
| 481 | THEN THAT'S WHAT I'LL DO. |
| 482 | LET ME GET YOU ANOTHER GLASS. |
| 483 | THAT'S BEEN SITTING OUT. |
| 484 | I THINK THIS WILL BE FINE. |
| 485 | OKAY, VANILLA MILK SHAKE, JUST A VANILLA MILK SHAKE... |
| 486 | WITH CHICKEN BITS FLOATING IN IT. |
| 487 | CHEERS. |
| 488 | NO, NO, NO. I'LL GO, I'LL GO. |
| 489 | YOU WILL? |
| 490 | YOU WERE REALLY GOING TO DO THAT, WEREN'T YOU? |
| 491 | WELL, YEAH. |
| 492 | YOU WERE GOING TO DRINK THE FAT! |
| 493 | LET'S SEE WHAT ELSE HE'LL DO. |
| 494 | HOW 'BOUT INSTEAD, YOU GO GET CHANGED? |
| 495 | YOU, GIVE HIM BACK HIS UNDERWEAR. |
| 496 | I'LL GET A CAB. |
| 497 | EVERYONE DOWNSTAIRS IN TWO MINUTES. |
| 498 | MONICA! |
| 499 | STOP IT! STOP IT! |
| 500 | ROSS WENT TO GET A CAB SO WE CAN ALL... |
| 501 | WHAT ARE YOU DOING? NO, MONICA, NO! |
| 502 | ( phone ringing ) |
| 503 | Hi, this is Richard. |
| 504 | ( dialing ) |
| 505 | You have three new messages. |
| 506 | ( dialing ) |
| 507 | NOT ANYMORE. |
| 508 | Message erased. |
| 509 | ( dialing ) |
| 510 | To record your message, begin speaking at the tone. |
| 511 | ( tone ) |
| 512 | HI, UH, RICHARD. |
| 513 | IT'S MONICA. |
| 514 | LISTEN, I DID SOMETHING KIND OF CRAZY TONIGHT. |
| 515 | MAYBE I'M GETTING MY PERIOD OR SOMETHING. |
| 516 | ANYWAY, UH, I... I BEEPED INTO YOUR MACHINE |
| 517 | AND I HEARD THIS MESSAGE THAT FREAKED ME OUT |
| 518 | AND... YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 519 | MICHELLE WILL TELL YOU THE REST. |
| 520 | I'M SORRY, OKAY? |
| 521 | I HOPE THAT WE CAN JUST FORGET THE WHOLE THING. |
| 522 | ( tone ) |
| 523 | Your outgoing message has now been changed. |
| 524 | OUTGOING? |
| 525 | DID THAT SAY OUTGOING?! |
| 526 | NOT OUTGOING! |
| 527 | ( dialing ) |
| 528 | Hi, uh, Richard. |
| 529 | It's Monica. |
| 530 | Listen, I did something kind of crazy tonight. |
| 531 | Maybe I'm getting |
| 532 | my period or something. |
| 533 | NO! I don't know. |
| 534 | HOW DID YOU DO THAT? |
| 535 | I DON'T KNOW! |
| 536 | Good-bye. |
| 537 | NO! |
| 538 | OKAY. |
| 539 | OKAY, I'VE GOT TWO CABS |
| 540 | AND NO PEOPLE. |
| 541 | GO! GO! GO! |
| 542 | MAYBE WE COULD CALL THE PHONE COMPANY. |
| 543 | MAYBE THEY COULD CHANGE THE MESSAGE. |
| 544 | MAYBE THEY COULD CHANGE HIS NUMBER. |
| 545 | I THINK AFTER THIS, HE'LL BE DOING THAT HIMSELF. |
| 546 | RACHEL? |
| 547 | WOW. |
| 548 | YOU... |
| 549 | OH, YOU LOOK... WOW. |
| 550 | AND I STILL HAVE ABOUT FIVE SECONDS TO SPARE. |
| 551 | OH... |
| 552 | OKAY. THAT WAS ABOUT SEVEN SECONDS. |
| 553 | SO WE'RE A LITTLE LATE. |
| 554 | COME ON. |
| 555 | NO. OH. |
| 556 | OH, AND, UH... |
| 557 | BY THE WAY... |
| 558 | WHAT? |
| 559 | I'M GOING COMMANDO TOO. |
| 560 | OH. |
| 561 | DR. GELLER, SHERMAN WHITFIELD |
| 562 | LONDON INSTITUTE. WOW. WHAT A PLEASURE. |
| 563 | WELL, I HAVE TO TELL YOU, |
| 564 | I WAS QUITE IMPRESSED WITH YOUR PAPER |
| 565 | ON PRE-CRETACEOUS FOSSILS. |
| 566 | YES. IT CONFIRMED EVERYTHING I'D WRITTEN. |
| 567 | EXCUSE ME. HI. |
| 568 | YES? |
| 569 | YOU'RE KIND OF SITTING IN MY SEAT. |
| 570 | WHAT DO YOU MEAN, YOUR SEAT? |
| 571 | I MEAN, I WAS SITTING THERE. |
| 572 | BUT YOU GOT UP. |
| 573 | BUT I NEVER LEFT THE ROOM. |
| 574 | BUT YOU LEFT THE CHAIR AREA. |
| 575 | ALL RIGHT, THAT'S IT. |
| 576 | GIVE ME YOUR UNDERWEAR. |
| 577 | |
| 1 | ( methodical squeaking ) |
| 2 | WHOA! |
| 3 | ( heavy thud ) |
| 4 | SEE, JOE, THAT'S WHY YOUR PARENTS TOLD YOU |
| 5 | NOT TO JUMP ON THE BED. |
| 6 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 7 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 8 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 9 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 10 | ♪ WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY ♪ |
| 11 | ♪ YOUR WEEK, YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 12 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 13 | ♪ WHEN THE RAIN STARTS TO POUR ♪ |
| 14 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 15 | ♪ LIKE I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE ♪ |
| 16 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 17 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME TOO ♪ |
| 18 | HEY, LOOK AT ME. |
| 19 | I'M MAKING JAM. |
| 20 | BEEN AT IT SINCE 4:00 THIS MORNING. |
| 21 | WHERE'D YOU GET FRUIT AT 4:00 IN THE MORNING? |
| 22 | THE DOCKS. |
| 23 | BET YOU DIDN'T KNOW YOU CAN GET IT WHOLESALE. |
| 24 | I DIDN'T KNOW THERE WERE DOCKS. |
| 25 | HEY. HEY. |
| 26 | IS IT BROKEN? |
| 27 | NO, BUT I GOT TO WEAR THIS A COUPLE OF WEEKS. |
| 28 | DID YOU TELL THE DOCTOR |
| 29 | YOU DID IT JUMPING ON YOUR BED? |
| 30 | NO. I HAD A WHOLE STORY WORKED OUT, BUT THEN... |
| 31 | CHANDLER SOLD ME OUT. |
| 32 | I'M SORRY, JOE. |
| 33 | I DIDN'T THINK THE DOCTOR WAS GOING TO BUY |
| 34 | THAT IT JUST FELL OUT OF THE SOCKET. |
| 35 | WHAT IS THIS? |
| 36 | FRUIT? |
| 37 | MONICA'S MAKING JAM. |
| 38 | WHOA. JAM? |
| 39 | I LOVE JAM. |
| 40 | HOW COME WE NEVER HAVE JAM AT OUR PLACE? |
| 41 | BECAUSE THE KIDS NEED NEW SHOES. |
| 42 | I'M GOING INTO BUSINESS, PEOPLE. |
| 43 | I'M SICK AND TIRED OF BEING DEPRESSED ABOUT RICHARD. |
| 44 | I NEEDED A PLAN-- A PLAN TO GET OVER MY MAN |
| 45 | AND WHAT'S THE OPPOSITE OF "MAN"? JAM. |
| 46 | OH, JOEY, DON'T. |
| 47 | IT'S WAY TOO HOT. |
| 48 | ( spitting ) |
| 49 | THIS WILL JUST BE MY BATCH. |
| 50 | UM, THAT'S IT. NO. |
| 51 | HEY, YOU, J. CREW GUY. |
| 52 | YEAH. WHY HAVE YOU BEEN FOLLOWING ME? |
| 53 | ALL WEEK LONG, EVERYWHERE I LOOK, THERE'S YOU. |
| 54 | YOU WOULDN'T RETURN MY CALLS. |
| 55 | YOU SENT BACK MY LETTERS. |
| 56 | WHAT? |
| 57 | ONE MORE CHANCE, URSULA, PLEASE. |
| 58 | OH... OH. |
| 59 | OH, WELL, THIS IS AWKWARD. |
| 60 | WHAT? |
| 61 | YEAH, 'CAUSE YOU WANT URSULA |
| 62 | AND I'M PHOEBE. TWIN SISTERS. |
| 63 | SERIOUSLY. |
| 64 | OH, THAT'S GREAT. |
| 65 | I'M STALKING THE WRONG WOMAN. |
| 66 | I AM SUCH A DINGUS. |
| 67 | YOU'RE NOT A DINGUS. |
| 68 | I JUST... I WANT YOU TO KNOW |
| 69 | I DIDN'T USED TO BE LIKE THIS. |
| 70 | BEFORE I MET YOUR SISTER |
| 71 | I WAS THIS NORMAL GUY |
| 72 | WHO SOLD BEEPERS AND CELLULAR PHONES. |
| 73 | WELL... |
| 74 | I MEAN, LOOK, IT'S... |
| 75 | IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT, YOU KNOW. |
| 76 | I MEAN, THIS IS JUST... |
| 77 | THIS IS WHAT SHE DOES TO GUYS, OKAY? |
| 78 | JUST... |
| 79 | WELL, THANKS. |
| 80 | WAIT, YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 81 | I GOT A LITTLE STORY. |
| 82 | WHEN I WAS IN JUNIOR HIGH |
| 83 | I THOUGHT I WAS A WITCH AND THERE WAS |
| 84 | THIS GUIDANCE COUNSELOR |
| 85 | WHO SAID SOMETHING TO ME |
| 86 | THAT I THINK WILL HELP YOU A LOT. |
| 87 | HE SAID, "OKAY, YOU'RE NOT A WITCH. |
| 88 | YOU'RE JUST AN AVERAGE STUDENT." |
| 89 | SEE WHAT I'M SAYING? |
| 90 | NOT REALLY. |
| 91 | WELL, GET OVER IT. |
| 92 | SO. I MEAN, YOU SEEM LIKE A REALLY NICE GUY |
| 93 | YOU KNOW. I JUST... |
| 94 | DON'T BE SO HARD ON YOURSELF, OKAY? |
| 95 | YOU'RE RIGHT. |
| 96 | I KNOW YOU'RE RIGHT. |
| 97 | AND THANKS FOR BEING SO NICE. |
| 98 | HERE. |
| 99 | THANKS A LOT. |
| 100 | DO YOU WANT TO GET A CUP OF COFFEE, OR..? |
| 101 | YEAH, OKAY. |
| 102 | OKAY. |
| 103 | OKAY. YOU DON'T HAVE TO WALK BEHIND ME ANYMORE. |
| 104 | SORRY. |
| 105 | MON? |
| 106 | "GONE FOR MORE JARS. |
| 107 | BACK LATER. MONICA GELLER." |
| 108 | WAIT A MINUTE. LOOK. |
| 109 | WHAT? |
| 110 | LOOK, LOOK, LOOK. |
| 111 | WHAT, WHAT, WHAT? |
| 112 | IT'S AN EMPTY APARTMENT. |
| 113 | WE'RE ALL ALONE IN AN EMPTY APARTMENT. |
| 114 | OH, HONEY, COME ON. |
| 115 | I HAVE TO BE AT WORK IN LIKE TEN MINUTES |
| 116 | AND, OHH... ALL RIGHT. |
| 117 | WELL, IT'S NOT LIKE |
| 118 | I'M EMPLOYEE OF THE YEAR OR ANYTHING. |
| 119 | ( door slams ) |
| 120 | OH. |
| 121 | THERE IT IS. |
| 122 | OH, THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT. |
| 123 | HEY. HEY. |
| 124 | DO I LOOK FAT? |
| 125 | NO. NO. |
| 126 | OKAY. |
| 127 | I ACCEPT THAT. |
| 128 | WHEN JANICE ASKED ME, AND I SAID NO |
| 129 | SHE TOOK THAT TO MEAN THAT I WAS CALLING HER A COW. |
| 130 | OKAY, WALK US THROUGH IT, HONEY. |
| 131 | WALK US THROUGH IT. |
| 132 | OKAY. WELL, JANICE SAID |
| 133 | "HI. DO I LOOK FAT TODAY?" |
| 134 | AND I LOOKED AT HER. |
| 135 | WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. |
| 136 | YOU LOOKED AT HER? |
| 137 | YOU NEVER LOOK. |
| 138 | MM-MMM. |
| 139 | YOU JUST ANSWER. |
| 140 | IT'S LIKE REFLEX. |
| 141 | DO I LOOK FAT? NO. |
| 142 | IS SHE PRETTIER THAN I AM? NO. |
| 143 | DOES SIZE MATTER? |
| 144 | NO. |
| 145 | AND IT WORKS BOTH WAYS. |
| 146 | OKAY, SO YOU BOTH JUST... KNOW THIS STUFF? |
| 147 | YOU KNOW, AFTER ABOUT 30 OR 40 FIGHTS |
| 148 | YOU KIND OF CATCH ON. |
| 149 | OKAY. FOR INSTANCE. |
| 150 | LET'S SAY... |
| 151 | JANICE IS COMING BACK FROM A TRIP |
| 152 | AND SHE GIVES YOU TWO OPTIONS. |
| 153 | OPTION NUMBER ONE-- SHE'LL TAKE A CAB |
| 154 | HOME FROM THE AIRPORT, OR OPTION NUMBER TWO-- |
| 155 | YOU CAN MEET HER AT BAGGAGE CLAIM. |
| 156 | WHAT DO YOU DO? |
| 157 | EASY. BAGGAGE CLAIM. |
| 158 | BZZZ. WRONG. NOW YOU'RE SINGLE. |
| 159 | IT'S ACTUALLY SECRET OPTION NUMBER THREE. |
| 160 | YOU MEET HER AT THE GATE. |
| 161 | THAT WAY, SHE KNOWS YOU LOVE HER. |
| 162 | OKAY, THIS IS GOOD. THIS IS GOOD. |
| 163 | ALL RIGHT. LISTEN. I HAVE ONE. |
| 164 | JANICE LIKES TO CUDDLE. |
| 165 | AT NIGHT-- WHICH, YOU KNOW, I'M ALL FOR |
| 166 | BUT WHEN YOU WANT TO GO TO SLEEP, YOU WANT SOME SPACE. |
| 167 | SO, HOW DO I TELL HER THAT WITHOUT, YOU KNOW |
| 168 | ACCIDENTALLY CALLING HER FAT OR SOMETHING? |
| 169 | OH, HONEY, I'M SORRY. WE CAN'T HELP YOU THERE |
| 170 | BECAUSE WE'RE CUDDLY SLEEPERS. |
| 171 | OKAY, I'M LATE FOR WORK. |
| 172 | ARE YOU GUYS GOING TO COME DOWN? |
| 173 | YEAH, YEAH. |
| 174 | I'M RIGHT BEHIND YOU. |
| 175 | GOOD LUCK, CHANDLER. |
| 176 | THANK YOU, RACHEL. |
| 177 | BYE, SWEETIE. |
| 178 | BYE, HONEY. |
| 179 | OKAY, THE SLEEPING THING. |
| 180 | VERY TRICKY BUSINESS |
| 181 | BUT THERE IS SOMETHING YOU CAN DO. |
| 182 | I THOUGHT YOU GUYS WERE CUDDLY. |
| 183 | NO. |
| 184 | NO. NOT CUDDLY. |
| 185 | NOT ME, JUST HER. |
| 186 | I'M LIKE YOU-- I NEED THE ROOM. |
| 187 | OKAY, COME HERE. |
| 188 | OKAY. YOU'RE IN BED. |
| 189 | YEAH. |
| 190 | I'LL USE THE CUSHION. |
| 191 | YEAH. |
| 192 | OKAY. YOU'RE IN BED. |
| 193 | SHE'S OVER ON YOUR SIDE-- CUDDLING. |
| 194 | NOW, YOU WAIT FOR HER |
| 195 | TO DRIFT OFF, AND THEN YOU HUG HER |
| 196 | AND ROLL HER OVER TO HER SIDE OF THE BED |
| 197 | AND THEN YOU... |
| 198 | ROLL AWAY. |
| 199 | HUG FOR HER... |
| 200 | ROLL FOR YOU. |
| 201 | OKAY. |
| 202 | THE OLD HUG AND ROLL. |
| 203 | YEAH. |
| 204 | OKAY. ONE QUESTION. |
| 205 | SHOOT. |
| 206 | YOU'RE PRETENDING THE PILLOW'S |
| 207 | A GIRL, RIGHT? |
| 208 | REMEMBER WHEN YOU WERE A KID |
| 209 | AND YOUR MOM WOULD DROP YOU OFF AT THE MOVIES |
| 210 | WITH A JAR OF JAM AND A LITTLE SPOON? |
| 211 | YOU'RE SO PRETTY. |
| 212 | HI. |
| 213 | HEY, PHOEBE. |
| 214 | HEY, YOU KNOW THAT GUY WHO'S BEEN FOLLOWING ME? |
| 215 | I TALKED TO HIM TODAY. |
| 216 | YOU TALKED TO HIM? |
| 217 | ARE YOU CRAZY? |
| 218 | OKAY. FIRST, I'M NOT CRAZY |
| 219 | AND SECOND, SAY IT, DON'T SPRAY IT. |
| 220 | ANYWAY, HIS NAME IS MALCOLM |
| 221 | AND HE WASN'T FOLLOWING ME. |
| 222 | I MEAN, HE WAS, BUT JUST 'CAUSE HE THOUGHT I WAS URSULA, UGH. |
| 223 | AND |
| 224 | THAT'S WHY... THAT'S WHY HE COULDN'T |
| 225 | JUST COME UP AND TALK TO ME. |
| 226 | 'CAUSE OF THE RESTRAINING ORDER. |
| 227 | HMM. |
| 228 | NOT FEELING BETTER ABOUT MALCOLM. |
| 229 | OH. |
| 230 | NO, NO, NO, HE'S NOT LIKE A KOOK, NO. |
| 231 | HE'S JUST, LIKE, THIS VERY PASSIONATE |
| 232 | INCREDIBLY ROMANTIC GUY |
| 233 | THAT JUST GOT, LIKE, A TEENSY BIT CARRIED AWAY |
| 234 | AND WE JUST GET ALONG REALLY WELL |
| 235 | AND HE IS SO CUTE. |
| 236 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 237 | YOU'VE GOT A CRUSH ON YOUR SISTER'S STALKER. |
| 238 | NO. |
| 239 | NO, I'M JUST GOING TO HELP HIM |
| 240 | YOU KNOW, GET DE-URSULA-IZED |
| 241 | LIKE I DID FOR JOEY |
| 242 | AFTER HE WENT OUT WITH HER. |
| 243 | BUT I DIDN'T STALK HER. |
| 244 | OKAY, I ASKED FOR THE NEWS, NOT THE WEATHER. |
| 245 | HEY, GUYS. |
| 246 | HEY, MON. |
| 247 | HI, MON. |
| 248 | JOEY. |
| 249 | THIS IS FOR YOU. IT'S BLACKBERRY-CURRANT. |
| 250 | OH! |
| 251 | ( moaning ecstatically ) |
| 252 | OKAY, JOE, I GOT TO ASK. |
| 253 | THE GIRL FROM THE XEROX PLACE, BUCK NAKED |
| 254 | OR A BIG TUB OF JAM? |
| 255 | PUT YOUR HANDS TOGETHER. |
| 256 | JOEY, TAKE YOUR TIME WITH THAT. |
| 257 | THAT'S MY LAST BATCH. |
| 258 | ( voice breaking ): NO MORE JAM? |
| 259 | WELL, WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR JAM PLAN? |
| 260 | I FIGURED OUT I NEED TO CHARGE 17 BUCKS A JAR |
| 261 | JUST TO BREAK EVEN. |
| 262 | SO, I'VE GOT A NEW PLAN NOW. |
| 263 | BABIES. |
| 264 | YOU'RE GOING TO NEED MUCH BIGGER JARS. |
| 265 | WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? |
| 266 | I'M TALKING ABOUT ME HAVING A BABY. |
| 267 | ARE YOU SERIOUS? |
| 268 | YEAH. THE GREAT THING |
| 269 | ABOUT THE JAM PLAN WAS |
| 270 | I WAS TAKING CONTROL OF MY LIFE. |
| 271 | SO I ASKED MYSELF |
| 272 | WHAT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING TO ME IN THE WORLD? |
| 273 | THAT'S WHEN I CAME UP WITH THE BABY PLAN. |
| 274 | WELL, AREN'T YOU FORGETTING SOMETHING? |
| 275 | WHAT IS... WHAT IS THAT GUY'S NAME-- |
| 276 | DAD? |
| 277 | NO, LOOK. |
| 278 | IT TOOK ME 28 YEARS TO FIND ONE MAN |
| 279 | THAT I WANT TO SPEND MY LIFE WITH. |
| 280 | IF I HAVE TO WAIT ANOTHER 28 YEARS |
| 281 | THEN I'LL BE 56 BEFORE I CAN HAVE A BABY |
| 282 | AND THAT'S JUST STUPID. |
| 283 | TH-THAT'S WHAT'S STUPID? |
| 284 | I DON'T NEED AN ACTUAL MAN. |
| 285 | JUST A COUPLE OF HIS BEST SWIMMERS. |
| 286 | AND THERE ARE PLACES THAT YOU CAN GO |
| 287 | TO GET THAT... STUFF. |
| 288 | DOWN TO THE DOCKS AGAIN? |
| 289 | MM, NIGHT-NIGHT, BING-A-LING. |
| 290 | NIGHT-NIGHT... JANICE. |
| 291 | LOOK AT ALL THAT ROOM ON HER SIDE. |
| 292 | YOU COULD FIT A GIANT PENGUIN OVER THERE. |
| 293 | THAT WOULD BE WEIRD, THOUGH. |
| 294 | OKAY. |
| 295 | HUG-AND-ROLL TIME. |
| 296 | I'M HUGGING. I'M HUGGING. |
| 297 | YOU'RE ROLLING |
| 298 | AND... YES. FREEDOM |
| 299 | EXCEPT FOR THIS ARM. |
| 300 | ARM STUCK. STUCK ARM. |
| 301 | OKAY, TIME FOR THE OLD TABLECLOTH TRICK. |
| 302 | ONE FLUID MOTION. |
| 303 | QUICK LIKE A CAT, QUICK LIKE A CAT. |
| 304 | AND ONE... TWO... |
| 305 | THREE. |
| 306 | AND HERE'S MY BINOCULARS. |
| 307 | OH, GREAT. |
| 308 | YOU'RE DOING GREAT, YOU KNOW. |
| 309 | REAL STRONG, GOING STRONG. |
| 310 | KEEP GOING. |
| 311 | THESE ARE MY NIGHT VISION GOGGLES. |
| 312 | OH. |
| 313 | THIS IS THE BOOK I PRETEND TO READ |
| 314 | WHEN I'M WATCHING HER IN THE PARK |
| 315 | AND THESE ARE MAD LIBS. |
| 316 | THEY'RE JUST FOR FUN. |
| 317 | OH, YEAH. |
| 318 | WHAT'S THIS? |
| 319 | OH, THIS IS THE LOG I KEPT |
| 320 | RECORDING HER EVERY MOVEMENT. |
| 321 | YOU WANT TO HEAR SOMETHING FROM IT? |
| 322 | UM, NOT EVEN A LITTLE BIT. |
| 323 | IT'S ABOUT YOU. |
| 324 | OH, OKAY, THEN. |
| 325 | "I MET PHOEBE TODAY. |
| 326 | "SHE IS REALLY NICE TO ME |
| 327 | EVEN THOUGH I'M SUCH A LOSER" |
| 328 | OH... |
| 329 | "AND THEN, WHEN I WAS WALKING HOME |
| 330 | "I THOUGHT ABOUT HER A LOT. |
| 331 | IT WAS WEIRD... BUT KIND OF COOL." |
| 332 | GOOD. |
| 333 | SO WHAT WERE YOU THINKING? |
| 334 | I WAS THINKING WHAT IT'D BE LIKE TO KISS YOU. |
| 335 | REALLY? |
| 336 | NO. |
| 337 | OH. |
| 338 | SEE, THAT'S JUST SOMETHING |
| 339 | I SAID NOW SO THAT MAYBE I COULD KISS YOU. |
| 340 | OH, OKAY. |
| 341 | NAH, THAT'S ALL RIGHT. |
| 342 | I JUST HAD A JAR OF MUSTARD. |
| 343 | OKAY, SPERM DONOR #03815. |
| 344 | COME ON DOWN! |
| 345 | OKAY, 6'2", 170 POUNDS |
| 346 | AND HE DESCRIBES HIMSELF AS A MALE GEENA DAVIS. |
| 347 | YOU MEAN THERE'S MORE THAN ONE OF US? |
| 348 | YOU CAN'T DO THIS. |
| 349 | IF YOU DO THIS |
| 350 | I'M GOING TO, I'M-I'M... |
| 351 | YOU'RE GOING TO WHAT? |
| 352 | I'M GOING TO TELL MOM. |
| 353 | HONEY, I'M SORRY, BUT HE'S RIGHT. |
| 354 | I LOVE YOU, BUT YOU'RE CRAZY. |
| 355 | CRAZY. |
| 356 | WHY IS THIS CRAZY? |
| 357 | SO THIS ISN'T THE IDEAL WAY TO DO SOMETHING. |
| 358 | OH, IT'S NOT THE IDEAL... |
| 359 | LIPS MOVING, STILL TALKING. |
| 360 | I MEAN, IT MAY NOT BE IDEAL, BUT... |
| 361 | I'M SO READY. |
| 362 | NOW, I SEE THE WAY BEN LOOKS AT YOU. |
| 363 | IT MAKES ME ACHE, YOU KNOW? |
| 364 | CHECK IT OUT-- JAM CRACKERS. |
| 365 | OKAY, ALL RIGHT, HOW'S THIS: |
| 366 | 27, ITALIAN-AMERICAN GUY. |
| 367 | HE'S AN ACTOR... |
| 368 | BORN IN QUEENS. |
| 369 | WOW. BIG FAMILY. |
| 370 | SEVEN SISTERS, AND HE'S THE ONLY... |
| 371 | BOY. |
| 372 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 373 | UNDER PERSONAL COMMENTS-- |
| 374 | "NEW YORK KNICKS RULE." |
| 375 | YEAH, THE KNICKS RULE! |
| 376 | JOEY, THIS IS YOU. |
| 377 | LET ME SEE. |
| 378 | OH, RIGHT. YEAH. |
| 379 | WHEN DID YOU GO TO A SPERM BANK? |
| 380 | AFTER I DID THAT SEX STUDY DOWN AT N.Y.U. |
| 381 | HEY, REMEMBER THAT SWEATER |
| 382 | I GAVE YOU FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY? |
| 383 | AND THAT'S HOW YOU BOUGHT IT? |
| 384 | NO. |
| 385 | THAT'S WHAT I WAS WEARING WHEN I DONATED. |
| 386 | I'M KIND OF SURPRISED |
| 387 | THERE'S ANY OF MY BOYS LEFT. |
| 388 | HONEY, IT IS PRETTY COMPETITIVE. |
| 389 | I'VE GOT AN ACTUAL ROCKET SCIENTIST HERE. |
| 390 | MAYBE I SHOULD CALL THIS PLACE |
| 391 | AND GET THEM TO PUT |
| 392 | MY DAYS OF OUR LIVES GIG ON HERE. |
| 393 | YOU KNOW, JUICE THIS PUPPY UP A LITTLE. |
| 394 | ( door opens ) |
| 395 | HELLO. |
| 396 | All: HEY. |
| 397 | Ross: HOW'S THE MANIAC? |
| 398 | OH, HE'S YUMMY. |
| 399 | WE DID A LITTLE KISSIN'. |
| 400 | PHOEBE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? |
| 401 | OH, NO, NO, NO. |
| 402 | HE'S NOT INTO THAT STUFF ANYMORE. |
| 403 | HE QUIT FOR ME. |
| 404 | PHEEBS, THIS GUY HAS BEEN OBSESSED WITH YOUR SISTER |
| 405 | FOR GOD KNOWS HOW LONG, OKAY? |
| 406 | YOU DON'T JUST GIVE UP SOMETHING LIKE THAT. |
| 407 | LOOK, HE GAVE ME |
| 408 | HIS NIGHT VISION GOGGLES AND EVERYTHING, SO... |
| 409 | YOU'RE TAKING THE WORD |
| 410 | OF A GUY WHO HAS NIGHT VISION GOGGLES? |
| 411 | HE'S NOT STILL FOLLOWING HER. |
| 412 | YOU THINK HE'S STILL FOLLOWING HER? |
| 413 | PHEEBS, WAKE UP AND SMELL THE RESTRAINING ORDER. |
| 414 | WHAT ARE YOU SAYING I SHOULD DO? |
| 415 | I THINK IF YOU REALLY LIKE THIS GUY |
| 416 | YOU SHOULD JUST TRUST HIM. |
| 417 | THANK YOU, MONICA. |
| 418 | OR YOU COULD FOLLOW HIM |
| 419 | AND SEE WHERE HE GOES. |
| 420 | OH, THAT'S WHAT I WOULD DO. |
| 421 | FORGET MINE. |
| 422 | Rachel: OH, MY GOD! |
| 423 | WHAT HAPPENED? |
| 424 | OH, GOD, CRAZY CHANDLER. |
| 425 | HE SPUN ME OFF THE BED. |
| 426 | WOW! |
| 427 | SPINNING-- THAT SOUNDS LIKE FUN. |
| 428 | OH. |
| 429 | ( hyena laugh ) |
| 430 | I WISH. |
| 431 | YOU KNOW, HE WAS JUST TRYING |
| 432 | ROSS' HUG- AND-ROLL THING. |
| 433 | ROSS' WHAT? |
| 434 | YOU KNOW |
| 435 | LIKE, WHERE HE HUGS YOU |
| 436 | AND THEN HE KIND OF ROLLS YOU AWAY AND... |
| 437 | OH... MY... GOD. |
| 438 | PHOEBE? |
| 439 | YES? YES! OH! |
| 440 | WHAT ARE YOU DOING? |
| 441 | OH, I WAS JUST HERE LOOKING FOR MY, UM... |
| 442 | MY PART OF AN OLD SANDWICH. |
| 443 | HERE IT IS! OH! |
| 444 | WERE YOU FOLLOWING ME? |
| 445 | UM, PERHAPS. |
| 446 | YES. |
| 447 | YES, I'M SORRY. I'M SORRY. |
| 448 | I WAS JUST AFRAID |
| 449 | THAT YOU WERE STILL HUNG UP ON MY SISTER. |
| 450 | SO YOU SPIED ON ME? |
| 451 | I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DON'T TRUST ME. |
| 452 | OH, WELL, WHAT DO YOU KNOW? |
| 453 | THERE GOES MY IDENTICAL TWIN SISTER |
| 454 | JUST WALKING ALONG LOOKING LIKE ME! |
| 455 | WHAT IS THIS, JUST A FREAKISH COINCIDENCE |
| 456 | OR DID YOU KNOW SHE TAKES THIS TRAIN? |
| 457 | I'M SORRY. I'M SORRY. |
| 458 | I TRIED TO STOP, BUT I COULDN'T. |
| 459 | I'M SO PATHETIC. |
| 460 | NO, NO. IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT. |
| 461 | IT'S PARTLY MY FAULT |
| 462 | 'CAUSE I MADE YOU QUIT COLD TURKEY. |
| 463 | IT'S TOO HARD, YOU KNOW? |
| 464 | OKAY, WELL, I MEAN, I CAN'T DATE YOU ANYMORE |
| 465 | 'CAUSE YOU'RE, YOU KNOW... LIKE, WOW |
| 466 | BUT, UM... |
| 467 | BUT I WILL DEFINITELY, DEFINITELY HELP YOU |
| 468 | GET OVER MY SISTER, OKAY? |
| 469 | JUST... STALK ME FOR A WHILE, HUH? |
| 470 | YEAH, AND, AND, AND... |
| 471 | I'LL BE LIKE AN URSULA PATCH. |
| 472 | WELL, I DON'T KNOW. |
| 473 | YEAH. JUST, OKAY... |
| 474 | LOOK, I'M GOING. |
| 475 | UM, COME ON. |
| 476 | OOP, OOP, BEHIND THE PILLAR. |
| 477 | OOH, WHICH WAY AM I GOING TO GO? |
| 478 | AHHH. |
| 479 | HEY. |
| 480 | HEY. |
| 481 | WHERE YOU GOING? |
| 482 | TO THE BANK. |
| 483 | SPERM OR REGULAR? |
| 484 | SPERM. |
| 485 | SO YOU'RE REALLY DOING IT, HUH? |
| 486 | OH, YEAH. |
| 487 | PICKED A GUY-- 37135. |
| 488 | HE SOUNDS NICE. |
| 489 | I'D SAY SO. |
| 490 | HE'S GOT BROWN HAIR AND GREEN EYES. |
| 491 | NO KIDDING. HMM. |
| 492 | WHAT? |
| 493 | I FIGURED YOU WOULD HAVE PICKED A BLOND GUY. |
| 494 | REALLY? WHY? |
| 495 | I DON'T KNOW. |
| 496 | I ALWAYS PICTURED YOU ENDING UP |
| 497 | WITH ONE OF THOSE TALL, SMART, BLOND GUYS |
| 498 | NAMED, LIKE... HOYT. |
| 499 | HOYT? |
| 500 | IT'S A NAME, YEAH. |
| 501 | I SAW YOU |
| 502 | IN THIS, YOU KNOW, THIS GREAT HOUSE |
| 503 | WITH A BIG POOL... |
| 504 | YEAH? IS HE A SWIMMER? |
| 505 | ( chuckles ) |
| 506 | HE'S GOT THE BODY FOR IT. |
| 507 | OOH, I LIKE THAT. |
| 508 | ( laughing ) |
| 509 | WHAT? |
| 510 | YOU GUYS HAVE |
| 511 | ONE OF THOSE SIGNS THAT SAYS |
| 512 | "WE DON'T SWIM IN YOUR TOILET |
| 513 | SO DON'T PEE IN OUR POOL," YOU KNOW. |
| 514 | WE DO NOT HAVE ONE OF THOSE SIGNS. |
| 515 | SURE YOU DO. |
| 516 | IT WAS A GIFT FROM ME. |
| 517 | OH! AND YOU HAVE THESE THREE GREAT KIDS. |
| 518 | TWO GIRLS AND A BOY? |
| 519 | YEAH. |
| 520 | AND THEY WEAR THOSE LITTLE WATER WINGS |
| 521 | YOU KNOW, AND THEY'RE RUNNING AROUND ON THE DECK |
| 522 | AND THEN, HOYT WRAPS THIS BIG TOWEL |
| 523 | AROUND ALL THREE OF THEM. |
| 524 | SURE. |
| 525 | BUT, HEY, YOU KNOW |
| 526 | THIS WAY SOUNDS GOOD TOO. |
| 527 | YEAH. |
| 528 | OH, MONICA. |
| 529 | WOW! THIS GUY'S AN ASTRONAUT? |
| 530 | THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN COOL... |
| 531 | FOR, LIKE, A DAY. |
| 532 | THE SPERM BANK HASN'T SOLD |
| 533 | A SINGLE UNIT OF TRIBBIANI. |
| 534 | NOBODY WANTS MY PRODUCT. |
| 535 | I MEAN, I DON'T GET IT, YOU KNOW? |
| 536 | I MEAN... |
| 537 | MAYBE IF THEY MET ME IN PERSON... |
| 538 | HONEY, YOU GOT A LITTLE... |
| 539 | THING ON YOUR... |
| 540 | OH! |
| 541 | HERE? |
| 542 | GET IT? |
| 543 | YEAH. |
| 544 | HELLO. |
| 545 | HELLO. |
| 546 | HEY. |
| 547 | UH, CHAN, COULD I TALK TO YOU FOR A SECOND? |
| 548 | SURE. WHAT'S UP? |
| 549 | JUST ONE ADDITIONAL RELATIONSHIP THOUGHT-- |
| 550 | SOMETHING YOU'RE PROBABLY ALREADY FAMILIAR WITH |
| 551 | UH... WOMEN TALK. |
| 552 | [Captioned by The Caption Center WGBH Educational Foundation] |
| 553 | |
| 1 | Welcome, everybody. Welcome to Amazing Discoveries! |
| 2 | OH! |
| 3 | OH, IT'S ON AGAIN! |
| 4 | CAN WE NOT WATCH THIS? |
| 5 | All: SHH! |
| 6 | Folks, This ever happen to you? |
| 7 | You go to the refrigerator to get a glass of milk |
| 8 | but these darn cartons are so flingin'-flangin' hard to open? |
| 9 | You said it, Mike. |
| 10 | Oh! Oh! |
| 11 | There's got to be a better way. |
| 12 | And there is, Kevin. |
| 13 | CAN WE PLEASE TURN THIS OFF? |
| 14 | NO WAY, KEVIN. |
| 15 | What if I told you that there's |
| 16 | a revolutionary new product that guarantees |
| 17 | you'll never have to open up milk cartons again? |
| 18 | Meet the Milkmaster 2000! |
| 19 | ( audience oohing and ahhing ) |
| 20 | ARE YOU INTRIGUED? |
| 21 | YOU'RE FLINGIN'-FLANGIN' RIGHT I AM. |
| 22 | He's never used this product before. |
| 23 | You're going to see how easy this is to do. |
| 24 | Go ahead. |
| 25 | This works in any milk carton. |
| 26 | Wow, it is easy. |
| 27 | Now I can have milk every day. |
| 28 | ( audience oohing and ahhing ) |
| 29 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 30 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 31 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 32 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 33 | ♪ WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY ♪ |
| 34 | ♪ YOUR WEEK, YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 35 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 36 | ♪ WHEN THE RAIN STARTS TO POUR ♪ |
| 37 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 38 | ♪ LIKE I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE ♪ |
| 39 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 40 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME TOO. ♪ |
| 41 | WELL, IT'S OFFICIAL-- |
| 42 | THERE ARE NO GOOD MOVIES. |
| 43 | SO LET'S GO TO A BAD ONE AND MAKE OUT. |
| 44 | ( cackling laugh ) |
| 45 | PERHAPS YOU WOULD LIKE ME TO TURN LIKE THIS |
| 46 | SO YOU CAN BUNNY-BUMP AGAINST MY BACK. |
| 47 | HEY, MAN. WHAT'S UP? |
| 48 | MAYBE YOU CAN TELL ME. |
| 49 | MY AGENT WOULD LIKE TO KNOW WHY I DIDN'T SHOW UP |
| 50 | AT THE AUDITION I DIDN'T KNOW I HAD TODAY-- |
| 51 | THE FIRST GOOD THING SHE GETS ME IN WEEKS. |
| 52 | HOW COULD YOU NOT GIVE ME THE MESSAGE? |
| 53 | WELL, I TELL YOU, I DO ENJOY GUILT... |
| 54 | BUT, UH, IT WASN'T ME. |
| 55 | YES, IT WAS. IT WAS HIM. UH-HUH. |
| 56 | OKAY, IT WAS ME. |
| 57 | HOW WAS IT YOU? |
| 58 | WELL, IT WAS ALL SO CRAZY, YOU KNOW. |
| 59 | I MEAN, CHANDLER WAS IN THE CLOSET COUNTING TO TEN |
| 60 | AND HE WAS UP TO SEVEN AND I HADN'T FOUND A PLACE TO HIDE YET. |
| 61 | LOOK, I MEANT TO TELL YOU |
| 62 | AND I WROTE IT ALL DOWN ON MY HAND. |
| 63 | SEE? ALL OF IT. |
| 64 | YEP, THAT'S MY AUDITION. |
| 65 | SEE? NOW THIS IS WHY I KEEP NOTE PADS EVERYWHERE. |
| 66 | YEP, AND THAT'S WHY |
| 67 | WE DON'T INVITE YOU TO PLAY. |
| 68 | WHAT IS THE GREAT TRAGEDY HERE? |
| 69 | YOU GO GET YOURSELF ANOTHER APPOINTMENT. |
| 70 | WELL, ESTELLE TRIED, YOU KNOW. |
| 71 | THE CASTING DIRECTOR TOLD HER I MISSED MY CHANCE. |
| 72 | WELL, THAT IS UNFAIR. |
| 73 | I'LL CALL HER. I'LL TELL HER |
| 74 | IT WAS TOTALLY MY FAULT. |
| 75 | THE CASTING DIRECTOR DOESN'T TALK TO FRIENDS. |
| 76 | SHE ONLY TALKS TO AGENTS. |
| 77 | WHAT A SAD LITTLE LIFE SHE MUST LEAD. |
| 78 | OKAY. OOH. |
| 79 | WHAT ARE YOU DOING? |
| 80 | NO, NO, NO, I KNOW, I KNOW. |
| 81 | OOH. |
| 82 | ( high-pitched voice ): HI, THIS IS CAITLIN |
| 83 | FROM PHOEBE BUFFAY'S OFFICE. |
| 84 | UM... IS ANNE THERE FOR PHOEBE? |
| 85 | SHE'LL KNOW WHAT IT'S ABOUT. |
| 86 | HANG UP. HANG UP RIGHT... |
| 87 | ANNIE? |
| 88 | ANNIE! HI. |
| 89 | LISTEN, WE'VE GOT A PROBLEM WITH JOEY TRIBBIANI. |
| 90 | APPARENTLY HE MISSED HIS AUDITION. |
| 91 | WHO DID YOU SPEAK TO IN MY OFFICE? |
| 92 | ESTELLE? |
| 93 | I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH HER. |
| 94 | SO YOUR HUSBAND LEAVES YOU AND BURNS DOWN THE APARTMENT. |
| 95 | THE WORLD DOES NOT STOP. |
| 96 | IS ANYBODY ELSE SCARED? |
| 97 | RIGHT, WELL, IF JOEY LOSES THIS AUDITION |
| 98 | THEN THAT IS IT FOR ESTELLE. I DON'T CARE. |
| 99 | ANNIE, YOU ARE A DOLL. |
| 100 | WHAT TIME CAN YOU SEE HIM? |
| 101 | ( whispering ): I NEED A PEN. |
| 102 | GET THE WOMAN A PAD! GET THE WOMAN A PAD! |
| 103 | A PAD! A PAD! |
| 104 | OH, NOW YOU WANT A PAD. |
| 105 | ( knocking at door ) |
| 106 | HEY! |
| 107 | HERE'S MY BOY. HERE'S MY BOY. |
| 108 | AND HERE'S HIS... BARBIE. |
| 109 | WHAT'S UH..? |
| 110 | WHAT'S MY BOY DOING WITH A BARBIE? |
| 111 | HE PICKED IT OUT OF THE TOY STORE HIMSELF. |
| 112 | HE LOVES IT. |
| 113 | HE CARRIES IT EVERYWHERE. |
| 114 | IT'S LIKE A SECURITY BLANKET-- |
| 115 | BUT WITH SKI BOOTS AND A KICKY BERET. |
| 116 | YEAH, IT'S-- IT'S CUTE. |
| 117 | WHY-- WHY DOES HE HAVE IT AGAIN? |
| 118 | SO HE'S GOT A DOLL. SO WHAT? |
| 119 | UNLESS YOU'RE AFRAID |
| 120 | HE'S GOING TO GROW UP TO BE... IN SHOW BUSINESS. |
| 121 | THIS WOULDN'T HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH THE FACT |
| 122 | THAT HE'S BEING RAISED BY TWO WOMEN, WOULD IT? |
| 123 | YOU KNOW WHAT? IT'S FINE. |
| 124 | IF YOU'RE OKAY WITH THE BARBIE THING |
| 125 | SO AM I. |
| 126 | GIVE DADDY THE BARBIE. GIVE ME THE BARBIE. |
| 127 | OKAY, HOW ABOUT, DON'T YOU WANT TO PLAY WITH A MONSTER TRUCK? |
| 128 | ( imitating truck engine ) |
| 129 | NO? |
| 130 | OKAY, OOH, OOH, HOW ABOUT |
| 131 | A DINOSOLDIER. |
| 132 | ( shrieking ) |
| 133 | ROSS, YOU ARE SO PATHETIC. |
| 134 | WHY CAN'T YOUR SON JUST PLAY WITH HIS DOLL? |
| 135 | I GOT TO GO TO WORK. |
| 136 | HAS ANYBODY SEEN MY LEFT BOOB? |
| 137 | I LOVED THAT MOVIE. |
| 138 | THERE IT IS. |
| 139 | JOEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? |
| 140 | I'M SORRY. |
| 141 | IT JUST FELT NICE. |
| 142 | ( phone ringing ) |
| 143 | JOE, JOE, ANSWER THE PHONE. |
| 144 | HEY, I ONLY GOT ONE GOOD ARM. |
| 145 | YOU SHOULD BE DOING STUFF FOR ME. |
| 146 | GO GET ME A SWEATER. |
| 147 | JUST DO IT, OKAY? IT'S JANICE. |
| 148 | IF I GET IT, I'LL HAVE TO SEE HER TONIGHT. |
| 149 | ( ringing stops ) |
| 150 | OH, THAT'S GREAT. |
| 151 | I'M GOING TO HAVE TO SEE HER TONIGHT. |
| 152 | WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO SEE JANICE? |
| 153 | LAST NIGHT AT DINNER, WHEN THE MEALS CAME |
| 154 | SHE PUT HALF HER CHICKEN PICCATA ON MY PLATE |
| 155 | AND THEN SHE TOOK ALL MY TOMATOES. |
| 156 | AND THAT'S BAD BECAUSE... |
| 157 | YOU HATE CHICKEN PICCATA? |
| 158 | NO. |
| 159 | YOU DIDN'T WANT TO SHARE YOUR TOMATOES. |
| 160 | TOMATOES ARE VERY IMPORTANT TO YOU. |
| 161 | NO, ALL OF A SUDDEN, WE WERE THIS COUPLE. |
| 162 | THIS ALARM STARTED GOING OFF IN MY HEAD-- |
| 163 | "RUN FOR YOUR LIFE! GET OUT OF THE BUILDING!" |
| 164 | OH, MEN ARE UNBELIEVABLE. |
| 165 | WHAT IS IT WITH YOU PEOPLE? |
| 166 | THE MINUTE YOU FEEL SOMETHING |
| 167 | YOU HAVE TO RUN AWAY? |
| 168 | I KNOW, THAT... |
| 169 | THAT'S WHY I DON'T WANT TO GO TONIGHT. |
| 170 | I'M AFRAID I'M GOING TO SAY SOMETHING STUPID. |
| 171 | OH, YOU MEAN LIKE THAT GUY THING |
| 172 | WHERE YOU ACT ALL MEAN AND DISTANT |
| 173 | UNTIL YOU GET US TO BREAK UP WITH YOU. |
| 174 | HEY, YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT? |
| 175 | ALL RIGHT, LOOK, WHAT DO I DO? I WANT TO GET PAST THIS. |
| 176 | I DON'T WANT TO BE AFRAID OF THE COMMITMENT THING. |
| 177 | I WANT TO GO THROUGH THE TUNNEL |
| 178 | TO THE OTHER SIDE. |
| 179 | WHERE THERE'S NO FEAR OF COMMITMENT. |
| 180 | SO DO WE HAVE ANY..? |
| 181 | DO WE HAVE ANY THOUGHTS HERE? |
| 182 | I'VE NEVER BEEN THROUGH THE TUNNEL MYSELF |
| 183 | 'CAUSE AS I UNDERSTAND IT, YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED |
| 184 | TO GO THROUGH WITH MORE THAN ONE GIRL |
| 185 | IN THE CAR, RIGHT? |
| 186 | BUT IT SEEMS TO ME |
| 187 | IT'S PRETTY MUCH LIKE ANYTHING ELSE, YOU KNOW? |
| 188 | FACE YOUR FEAR. |
| 189 | YOU HAVE A FEAR OF HEIGHTS? |
| 190 | YOU GO TO THE TOP OF THE BUILDING. |
| 191 | YOU'RE AFRAID OF BUGS? |
| 192 | GET A BUG. |
| 193 | RIGHT? |
| 194 | IN THIS CASE, YOU HAVE A FEAR OF COMMITMENT. |
| 195 | SO I SAY YOU GO IN THERE AND YOU BE |
| 196 | THE MOST COMMITTED GUY THERE EVER WAS. |
| 197 | AMAZINGLY, THAT MAKES SENSE. |
| 198 | DO YOU THINK? |
| 199 | OH, YEAH. GO FOR IT, MAN. |
| 200 | JUMP OFF THE HIGH DIVE |
| 201 | STARE DOWN THE BARREL OF THE GUN. |
| 202 | PEE INTO THE WIND. |
| 203 | JOE, I ASSURE YOU, IF I'M STARING DOWN |
| 204 | THE BARREL OF A GUN, I'M GOING TO BE PRETTY MUCH |
| 205 | PEEING EVERY WHICH WAY. |
| 206 | ( beeping ) |
| 207 | OH, IT'S YOUR AUDITION FROM THIS MORNING! |
| 208 | CAN I USE THE PHONE AGAIN? |
| 209 | SURE, PHEEBS, THAT'S WHAT IT'S THERE FOR-- |
| 210 | EMERGENCIES AND PRETEND AGENTS. |
| 211 | COME ON, BABY, COME ON. |
| 212 | ( high-pitched voice ): HI. I HAVE PHOEBE BUFFAY |
| 213 | RETURNING A PAGE. |
| 214 | WELL, SHE'S IN HER CAR. |
| 215 | I'LL HAVE TO PATCH YOU THROUGH. |
| 216 | VERY NICE TOUCH. |
| 217 | OKAY, GO AHEAD. |
| 218 | ( giggling ) |
| 219 | TALK TO HER. |
| 220 | HI, ANNIE? |
| 221 | FANTASTIC. |
| 222 | YOU GOT IT! |
| 223 | OH, OKAY. |
| 224 | WILL HE WORK FOR SCALE, YOU ASK ME? |
| 225 | I DON'T KNOW ABOUT THAT. ( clearing throat ) |
| 226 | EXCEPT THAT I DO, AND HE WILL. |
| 227 | GREAT. YOU ARE SUCH A SWEETHEART. |
| 228 | I WOULD LOVE TO HAVE LUNCH WITH YOU. |
| 229 | HOW ABOUT WE HAVE LUNCH NEXT... |
| 230 | WENT THROUGH A TUNNEL. |
| 231 | UNBELIEVABLE. |
| 232 | THANK YOU SO MUCH. |
| 233 | HEY, IT WAS REALLY FUN. |
| 234 | I'VE NEVER TALKED ON A CAR PHONE BEFORE. |
| 235 | YOU WERE SO AMAZING. |
| 236 | COULD YOU DO ME THIS HUGE FAVOR? |
| 237 | THERE'S THIS ONE OTHER AUDITION I REALLY WANT. |
| 238 | ESTELLE COULDN'T GET ME IN. |
| 239 | I DON'T KNOW. IT WAS FUN ONE TIME BUT... |
| 240 | COME ON, PLEASE? |
| 241 | IT WOULD JUST BE THIS ONE MORE. |
| 242 | WELL, ACTUALLY IT'S TWO. |
| 243 | TWO? YEAH. |
| 244 | WELL, REALLY IT'S THREE. |
| 245 | PLEASE? YOU'RE SO GOOD AT IT. |
| 246 | I LOVE YOU. |
| 247 | OKAY, I'LL DO IT. BUT JUST THESE THREE, RIGHT? |
| 248 | NO, IT'S FOUR. |
| 249 | SO HOW COME YOU WANTED TO EAT IN TONIGHT? |
| 250 | BECAUSE I WANTED TO, UH... |
| 251 | GIVE-- GIVE YOU THIS. |
| 252 | OH, ARE YOU A PUPPY. |
| 253 | CONTACT PAPER. |
| 254 | YOU NEVER REALLY KNOW WHAT TO SAY |
| 255 | WHEN SOMEONE YOU'RE SLEEPING WITH |
| 256 | GIVES YOU CONTACT PAPER. |
| 257 | WELL, WAIT, THERE'S MORE. |
| 258 | SEE, THE CONTACT PAPER IS TO GO IN... |
| 259 | YOUR BRAND NEW DRAWER. |
| 260 | SEE, THE DRAWER ACTUALLY GOES IN MY DRESSER. |
| 261 | OH, YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO DO THIS. |
| 262 | YES, I DID. |
| 263 | YES, I DID. |
| 264 | BECAUSE YOU'RE MY GIRLFRIEND. |
| 265 | AND THAT'S WHAT GIRLFRIENDS SHOULD GET. |
| 266 | OH, WELL, I GOT TO BUY A VOWEL... |
| 267 | BECAUSE "O" MY GOD! |
| 268 | WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT |
| 269 | THAT SOMEDAY CHANDLER BING WOULD BUY ME A DRAWER? |
| 270 | WELL, NOT ME. |
| 271 | BUT THAT'S WHAT'S HAPPENED. |
| 272 | AND... AND THERE'S MORE. |
| 273 | WE SHOULD TAKE A TRIP. |
| 274 | WE SHOULD? |
| 275 | YEP. WE'RE A COUPLE, AND THAT'S WHAT COUPLES DO. |
| 276 | AND I WANT TO MEET YOUR PARENTS. |
| 277 | WE SHOULD TAKE A TRIP WITH YOUR PARENTS. |
| 278 | ( cackling laugh ) |
| 279 | I DON'T THINK WE NEED TO |
| 280 | BECAUSE YOU'RE TRIPPING ME OUT RIGHT NOW. |
| 281 | ARE YOU OKAY? |
| 282 | I AM. |
| 283 | I ACTUALLY AM. |
| 284 | I MEAN, THIS IS AMAZING. |
| 285 | MY ENTIRE LIFE, I HAVE FEARED THIS PLACE. |
| 286 | AND NOW THAT I'M HERE |
| 287 | IT'S LIKE, WHAT WAS THE BIG DEAL? |
| 288 | I MEAN, I COULD PROBABLY SAY, "LET'S MOVE IN TOGETHER" |
| 289 | AND I'D BE OKAY. |
| 290 | YOU PROBABLY WANT US TO MOVE IN TOGETHER? |
| 291 | IT DOESN'T SCARE ME. |
| 292 | YEAH, WELL, IT SCARES ME. |
| 293 | I MEAN, I'M NOT EVEN DIVORCED YET, CHANDLER. |
| 294 | YOU JUST INVITED ME OVER FOR PASTA. |
| 295 | ALL OF A SUDDEN YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT MOVING IN TOGETHER. |
| 296 | I WASN'T EVEN THAT HUNGRY. |
| 297 | YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 298 | IT'S GETTING REALLY LATE AND I SHOULD JUST... |
| 299 | NO, DON'T GO. I'VE SCARED YOU. |
| 300 | I'VE SAID TOO MUCH. |
| 301 | I'M HOPELESS AND AWKWARD AND DESPERATE FOR LOVE. |
| 302 | HEY, JANICE, IT'S ME. |
| 303 | UM... YEAH, I JUST WANTED TO APOLOGIZE IN ADVANCE |
| 304 | FOR HAVING CHASED YOU DOWN THE STREET. |
| 305 | BYE-BYE. |
| 306 | HERE YOU GO, HONEY. THIS WILL HELP. |
| 307 | SO I CATCH UP TO HER |
| 308 | AND SHE SAYS THIS RELATIONSHIP'S GOING TOO FAST |
| 309 | AND WE HAVE TO SLOW DOWN. |
| 310 | EWW, THAT IS NEVER GOOD. |
| 311 | THEN I GOT ALL... |
| 312 | NEEDY AND CLINGY. |
| 313 | OKAY. NOW WAIT A MINUTE. WAIT A MINUTE. WAIT. |
| 314 | MAYBE IT'S NOT SO BAD. |
| 315 | HOW DID YOU LEAVE IT? |
| 316 | SHE SAID SHE'D CALL ME. |
| 317 | OH! OH! |
| 318 | OH, GOD. |
| 319 | WELCOME TO OUR SIDE OF THE TUNNEL. |
| 320 | ( groans ) |
| 321 | THIS ICE CREAM TASTES LIKE CRAP BY THE WAY. |
| 322 | YEAH. WELL, THAT'S THAT LOW-CAL, NON-DAIRY SOY MILK JUNK. |
| 323 | WE SAVE THE REAL STUFF FOR THE TRULY TERMINAL CASES. |
| 324 | WHEN YOU START GETTING SCREWED OVER ALL THE TIME |
| 325 | YOU GOTTA SWITCH TO LOW-FAT. |
| 326 | YEAH, YOU DO. |
| 327 | SO, YOU... YOU DON'T THINK I'M TERMINAL? |
| 328 | NO. NOT AT ALL. YOU'RE NOT TERMINAL. |
| 329 | YOU JUST NEED SOME DAMAGE CONTROL. |
| 330 | OKAY. OKAY. SO, SHOULD I CALL HER? |
| 331 | NO! NO! |
| 332 | IT'S A VERY CRITICAL TIME NOW. |
| 333 | IF YOU FEEL YOURSELF REACHING FOR THAT PHONE |
| 334 | YOU GO SHOE SHOPPING, GET YOUR BUTT IN A BUBBLE BATH. |
| 335 | IF YOU WANT HER BACK, YOU MUST START ACTING ALOOF. |
| 336 | SHE HAS TO KNOW YOU'RE NOT NEEDY. |
| 337 | RIGHT. SO, WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO IS |
| 338 | YOU HAVE TO ACCIDENTALLY RUN INTO HER ON PURPOSE |
| 339 | AND THEN ACT ALOOF. |
| 340 | SO, I'M NOT GOING TO LOSE HER? |
| 341 | OH, HONEY |
| 342 | YOU'RE NOT A TOTAL LOSER. |
| 343 | I SAID, "SO, I'M NOT GOING TO LOSE HER?" |
| 344 | OH. |
| 345 | GUESS WHO'S HERE. |
| 346 | IT'S THE TOUGHEST GUY IN TOYLAND, BEN. |
| 347 | ♪ REAL AMERICAN HERO ♪ |
| 348 | ♪ I'M G.I. JOE... ♪ |
| 349 | DROP THE BARBIE. |
| 350 | DROP THE BARBIE. |
| 351 | G.I. JOE? |
| 352 | YOU REALLY THINK HE'S GOING TO FALL FOR THAT? |
| 353 | G.I. JOE? |
| 354 | COOL. CAN I PLAY? |
| 355 | LOOK, BEN, IT'S THE TOY THAT PROTECTS |
| 356 | U.S. OIL INTERESTS OVERSEAS. |
| 357 | GO, JOE! GO, JOE! |
| 358 | HELLO... OH. |
| 359 | PHOEBE, THERE YOU ARE. |
| 360 | NO. IT'S NOT. SORRY. |
| 361 | BUT, PHOEBE, WAIT. WAIT. |
| 362 | PHOEBE. PHOEBE. |
| 363 | OH, JOEY. |
| 364 | OH, OKAY. |
| 365 | SEE, I DIDN'T RECOGNIZE YOU IN THOSE... PANTS. |
| 366 | LISTEN, THAT TV MOVIE I WENT IN FOR-- |
| 367 | DID YOU HEAR ANYTHING? I THINK I GOT A SHOT AT IT. |
| 368 | YES. THEY CALLED. YOU DIDN'T GET IT. |
| 369 | OKAY? I MEAN, YOU DIDN'T GET IT. |
| 370 | I'M SORRY. I'M SORRY. |
| 371 | THAT'S OKAY. THESE THINGS HAPPEN. |
| 372 | BUT THEY SHOULDN'T HAPPEN. |
| 373 | YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 374 | YOU'RE IN A TERRIBLE, TERRIBLE BUSINESS. |
| 375 | OH, GOD, I DON'T WANT TO BE THE PERSON WHO MAKES |
| 376 | YOUR FACE LOOK LIKE THAT. |
| 377 | I'M... I'M OKAY. SEE? |
| 378 | NOW YOU'RE SAD AND CREEPY. |
| 379 | YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M SORRY. I QUIT. OKAY? |
| 380 | NO, NO. YOU CAN'T QUIT. YOU'RE THE BEST AGENT I EVER HAD. |
| 381 | LOOK, PHEEBS |
| 382 | REJECTION IS PART OF BEING AN ACTOR. |
| 383 | YOU CAN'T TAKE IT PERSONAL. |
| 384 | NOT PERSONAL? REALLY? |
| 385 | THEY SAID THEY'D MET AN ITALIAN ACTOR |
| 386 | WITH A WORSE ITALIAN ACCENT. |
| 387 | THEY ACTUALLY SAID THAT? |
| 388 | YEAH. OH, GOD, THERE'S THAT FACE AGAIN. |
| 389 | SEE? I CAN'T DO THIS JOB. |
| 390 | SEE, THIS IS WHY YOU HAVE TO DO THIS JOB. |
| 391 | AGENTS ALWAYS LIE. |
| 392 | YOU KNOW, ESTELLE JUST SAYS STUFF LIKE |
| 393 | "THEY WENT ANOTHER WAY," BUT THIS-- I CAN USE THIS. |
| 394 | ( Italian accent ): I CAN-A WORK ON-A YOU ACACENTAY. |
| 395 | YEAH. OKAY. |
| 396 | NO, IF IT HELPS YOU, OKAY, YEAH. |
| 397 | YOU'LL NEVER GET ME, JOE. |
| 398 | ( imitating gunshots ) |
| 399 | ( groaning ) |
| 400 | NO, THANK YOU. |
| 401 | CHANDLER. |
| 402 | HELLO... JANICE. |
| 403 | WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? |
| 404 | OH, JUST A BIT OF SHOPPING. |
| 405 | HOW'VE YOU BEEN? |
| 406 | ARE YOU BEING BRITISH? |
| 407 | NO. NOT ANYMORE. |
| 408 | WHY ARE YOU SHOPPING HERE? |
| 409 | YOU DON'T LIVE IN THIS NEIGHBORHOOD. |
| 410 | WERE YOU HERE WAITING FOR ME? |
| 411 | ( scoffs ) |
| 412 | YA-HUH. |
| 413 | I'M JUST, UH, YOU KNOW, |
| 414 | PICKING UP SOME THINGS FOR A PARTY. |
| 415 | BARLEY? |
| 416 | WHAT KIND OF A PARTY SERVES BARLEY? |
| 417 | WELL, I'M SORRY IF MY FRIENDS |
| 418 | AREN'T AS SOPHISTICATED AS YOURS. |
| 419 | WHERE IS THIS PARTY? |
| 420 | HERE IN CHELSEA. |
| 421 | WHOSE PARTY IS IT? |
| 422 | A WOMAN'S. |
| 423 | WHAT WOMAN? |
| 424 | CHELSEA. |
| 425 | OKAY. YOU KNOW ONE OF TWO THINGS IS HAPPENING HERE. |
| 426 | EITHER YOU'RE SEEING SOMEBODY BEHIND MY BACK |
| 427 | WHICH WOULD MAKE YOU THE BIGGEST JERK ON THE PLANET |
| 428 | OR PRETENDING YOU'RE SEEING SOMEBODY |
| 429 | WHICH JUST MAKES YOU SO PATHETIC |
| 430 | I COULD START CRYING HERE IN THE CEREAL AISLE. |
| 431 | SO, LIKE WHICH OF THESE TWO GUYS DO YOU WANT TO BE? |
| 432 | ( voice quivering ): COULD I BE THAT GUY? |
| 433 | OKAY, SO WE GOT SOME MORE GOOD REJECTIONS-- |
| 434 | LOTS OF STUFF TO WORK ON. |
| 435 | OH. OKAY, SHOOT. |
| 436 | OKAY. UM, OH, THE ZOO COMMERCIAL. |
| 437 | I DIDN'T GET IT? |
| 438 | NO. THEY SAID THAT YOU |
| 439 | "WEREN'T BELIEVABLE AS A HUMAN BEING." |
| 440 | SO, YOU CAN WORK ON THAT. |
| 441 | OKAY. UH, WHAT ELSE? |
| 442 | UM, THE OFF-BROADWAY PLAY PEOPLE SAID |
| 443 | THAT YOU WERE PRETTY BUT DUMB. |
| 444 | OH. OH, NO. WAIT. I'M SORRY. |
| 445 | THAT'S "PRETTY DUMB." |
| 446 | LOOK, THAT'S OKAY. NO, NO, NO. REALLY. |
| 447 | LOOK, UM, I REALLY APPRECIATE THIS, PHEEBS |
| 448 | BUT... I THINK I'M GOING |
| 449 | TO HAVE TO GO BACK TO ESTELLE. |
| 450 | OH. DON'T GET ME WRONG. |
| 451 | YOU'RE A BETTER AGENT THAN SHE IS, BUT WITH HER |
| 452 | I DON'T WANT TO BLOW MY PRETTY DUMB BRAINS OUT. |
| 453 | YEAH. I KNOW. I UNDERSTAND. |
| 454 | YOU DO? THANKS. YEAH. |
| 455 | OKAY. SORRY. |
| 456 | WAIT A MINUTE. WHAT? |
| 457 | WAIT A MINUTE. |
| 458 | DID YOU JUST MAKE ALL THAT STUFF UP |
| 459 | TO GET OUT OF BEING MY AGENT? |
| 460 | OOH, YOU CAUGHT ME. |
| 461 | HUH. |
| 462 | I AM SO BUSTED. |
| 463 | ( Italian accent ): THAT'S-A WHAT I SUSPECTED-A. |
| 464 | HUH? |
| 465 | AND THEN I JUST, YOU KNOW... |
| 466 | THREW THE BAG OF BARLEY AT HER |
| 467 | AND RAN OUT OF THE STORE. |
| 468 | OH, MY GOD, CHANDLER. |
| 469 | WE SAID, "BE ALOOF," NOT, "A DOOF." |
| 470 | I'VE ACTUALLY RUINED THIS, HAVEN'T I? |
| 471 | ( groans ) |
| 472 | IT'S TIME FOR THE GOOD ICE CREAM, RIGHT? |
| 473 | YEAH, IT IS. |
| 474 | OKAY. |
| 475 | YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 476 | EVERYTHING'S GOING TO BE OKAY. |
| 477 | ( phone ringing ) |
| 478 | HELLO. |
| 479 | HI, JANICE. |
| 480 | CAN YOU HOLD ON FOR A SECOND? |
| 481 | OKAY. |
| 482 | OKAY, WHAT DO I DO? |
| 483 | I DON'T KNOW. THIS IS TOTALLY UNPRECEDENTED. |
| 484 | IF WE EVER DID WHAT YOU DID |
| 485 | A MAN WOULD NEVER CALL. |
| 486 | NO, NO... OKAY, I GOT IT. |
| 487 | PRETEND THAT YOU JUST WOKE UP. |
| 488 | THAT'LL THROW HER OFF. BE SLEEPY. |
| 489 | YES, AND GRUMPY. |
| 490 | STOP NAMING DWARFS. |
| 491 | HELLO, JANICE. |
| 492 | HI. I'M SO GLAD THAT YOU CALLED. |
| 493 | I KNOW I'VE BEEN ACTING REALLY WEIRD... |
| 494 | LATELY, AND... |
| 495 | IT'S JUST BECAUSE I'M CRAZY ABOUT YOU, AND... |
| 496 | ( sighs ) |
| 497 | I JUST GOT... |
| 498 | STUPID AND SCARED AND... |
| 499 | AND STUPID A COUPLE MORE TIMES. |
| 500 | AND I'M SORRY. |
| 501 | REALLY? |
| 502 | ( laughing ) |
| 503 | REALLY? |
| 504 | HE'S SO LUCKY. |
| 505 | IF JANICE WERE A GUY |
| 506 | SHE'D BE SLEEPING WITH SOMEBODY ELSE BY NOW. |
| 507 | MM-HMM. |
| 508 | I LOVE YOU TOO. |
| 509 | OH, IT'S SO UNFAIR. |
| 510 | G.I. JOE. G.I. JOE? |
| 511 | I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO TELL YOU GUYS. |
| 512 | THAT'S THE DOLL HE CHOSE. |
| 513 | WHAT'D YOU DO? DIP IT IN SUGAR? |
| 514 | LOOK, G.I. JOE'S IN, BARBIE'S OUT. |
| 515 | AND IF YOU GUYS CAN'T DEAL WITH IT, |
| 516 | THAT'S JUST YOUR TOO BAD. |
| 517 | WHAT ARE YOU BEING SUCH A WEENIE FOR? |
| 518 | SO HE HAS A BARBIE-- BIG DEAL. |
| 519 | YOU USED TO DRESS UP LIKE A WOMAN. |
| 520 | WHAT? |
| 521 | THE WAY YOU DRESSED UP IN MOM'S CLOTHES? |
| 522 | WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? |
| 523 | THE BIG HAT, THE PEARLS |
| 524 | THE LITTLE PINK HANDBAG? |
| 525 | OKAY. YOU ARE TOTALLY MAKING THIS UP. |
| 526 | HOW CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER? |
| 527 | YOU MADE US CALL YOU "BEA." |
| 528 | OH, GOD. |
| 529 | I HAVE LITERALLY NEVER BEEN THIS HAPPY. |
| 530 | AND WASN'T THERE A LITTLE SONG? |
| 531 | OH, PLEASE, GOD, LET THERE BE A SONG. |
| 532 | THERE WAS NO SONG. |
| 533 | THERE WAS NO SONG. |
| 534 | ♪ I AM BEA ♪ |
| 535 | OKAY. ♪ I DRINK TEA ♪ |
| 536 | OKAY, THAT'S ENOUGH. |
| 537 | ♪ WON'T YOU..? ♪ |
| 538 | ♪ WON'T YOU..? ♪ |
| 539 | ♪ WON'T YOU..? ♪ |
| 540 | "WON'T YOU DANCE AROUND WITH ME?" |
| 541 | ( laughing ) |
| 542 | ♪ I AM BEA ♪ |
| 543 | ♪ I DRINK TEA ♪ |
| 544 | ♪ WON'T YOU DANCE AROUND WITH..? ♪ |
| 545 | OH... |
| 546 | ROSS. |
| 547 | |
| 1 | HEY. |
| 2 | HEY. |
| 3 | HEY, HEY, HEY. |
| 4 | SO WHAT HAPPENED? |
| 5 | DID A FOREST TICK YOU OFF? |
| 6 | NO. YOU KNOW HOW WE'RE ALWAYS SAYING |
| 7 | WE NEED A PLACE FOR THE MAIL. |
| 8 | YEAH? |
| 9 | WELL, I STARTED BUILDING ONE. |
| 10 | BUT THEN, I DECIDED |
| 11 | TO TAKE IT TO THE NEXT STEP. |
| 12 | YOU'RE BUILDING A POST OFFICE? |
| 13 | NO, AN ENTERTAINMENT UNIT |
| 14 | WITH A MAIL CUBBY BUILT RIGHT IN. |
| 15 | IT'S A ONE-DAY JOB, MAX. |
| 16 | OKAY. |
| 17 | MY WORD, THOSE ARE SNUG. |
| 18 | OH, YEAH. |
| 19 | THESE ARE MY OLD WORK PANTS. |
| 20 | SERGIO VALENTI. |
| 21 | POWER SAW KIND OF GOT AWAY FROM ME THERE. |
| 22 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU ♪ |
| 23 | ♪ LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 24 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 25 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 26 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 27 | ♪ WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY ♪ |
| 28 | ♪ YOUR WEEK, YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 29 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 30 | ♪ WHEN THE RAIN STARTS TO POUR ♪ |
| 31 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 32 | ♪ LIKE I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE ♪ |
| 33 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 34 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME TOO. ♪ |
| 35 | HEY, PHEEBS. HEY. |
| 36 | ANY SIGN OF YOUR BROTHER? |
| 37 | NO, BUT HE'S ALWAYS LATE. |
| 38 | I THOUGHT YOU ONLY MET HIM ONCE. |
| 39 | YEAH, I DID. |
| 40 | I THINK IT SOUNDS, LIKE, BIG SISTER-Y. |
| 41 | YOU KNOW, "FRANK'S ALWAYS LATE." |
| 42 | OH HO. WELL, RELAX, HE'LL BE HERE. |
| 43 | YEAH. NO, I KNOW. I'M JUST NERVOUS. |
| 44 | IT'S JUST, YOU KNOW... |
| 45 | MOM'S DEAD, DON'T TALK TO MY SISTER... |
| 46 | GRANDMA'S BEEN SLEEPING A LOT LATELY. |
| 47 | YOU KNOW? |
| 48 | IT'S JUST LIKE THE LAST DESPERATE CHANCE |
| 49 | TO HAVE A FAMILY KIND OF THING. |
| 50 | YOU'RE SO SWEET TO WAIT WITH ME. |
| 51 | WELL, ACTUALLY, GUNTHER SENT ME. |
| 52 | YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO HAVE CUPS OUT HERE. |
| 53 | IT'S A THING. MM. |
| 54 | DOES ANYONE ELSE THINK DAVID COPPERFIELD'S CUTE? |
| 55 | NO, BUT HE TOLD ME HE THINKS YOU'RE A FOX. |
| 56 | ALL RIGHT, JANICE LIKES HIM. |
| 57 | IN FACT, SHE LIKES HIM SO MUCH SHE PUT HIM ON HER, UH... |
| 58 | FREEBIE LIST. |
| 59 | HER WHAT? |
| 60 | WELL, WE HAVE A DEAL WHERE WE EACH GET TO PICK |
| 61 | FIVE DIFFERENT CELEBRITIES |
| 62 | THAT WE CAN SLEEP WITH... |
| 63 | AND THE OTHER ONE CAN'T GET MAD. |
| 64 | AH, THE HEART OF EVERY HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP... |
| 65 | HONESTY, RESPECT AND SEX WITH CELEBRITIES. |
| 66 | SO, CHANDLER, WHO'S ON YOUR LIST? |
| 67 | AH, KIM BASINGER... |
| 68 | UH, CINDY CRAWFORD, HALLE BERRY... |
| 69 | YASMINE BLEETH. |
| 70 | OH, BOY. |
| 71 | AND, UH, JESSICA RABBIT. |
| 72 | NOW, YOU DO REALIZE THAT SHE'S A CARTOON |
| 73 | AND WAY OUT OF YOUR LEAGUE? |
| 74 | YEAH, I KNOW. I KNOW. I JUST ALWAYS WONDERED IF I COULD GET HER EYES |
| 75 | TO POP OUT OF HER HEAD. |
| 76 | HEY, MONICA, WHO WOULD YOURS BE? |
| 77 | FIRST I NEED A BOYFRIEND, THEN I CAN HAVE A LIST. |
| 78 | JUST A GAME, MON. |
| 79 | RACH, HOW ABOUT YOU? |
| 80 | OH, I DON'T KNOW. |
| 81 | I GUESS... |
| 82 | CHRIS O'DONNELL, JOHN F. KENNEDY, JR. |
| 83 | DANIEL DAY-LEWIS, STING AND PARKER STEVENSON. |
| 84 | SPIDER-MAN? |
| 85 | HARDY BOY. |
| 86 | PETER PARKER. |
| 87 | THANK YOU. |
| 88 | WHAT ABOUT YOU, HONEY? WHO'D BE ON YOUR LIST? |
| 89 | I... I DON'T KNOW. THAT KIND OF THING |
| 90 | REQUIRES SOME SERIOUS THOUGHT. |
| 91 | FIRST I'LL DIVIDE MY PROSPECTIVE CANDIDATES INTO CATEGORIES. |
| 92 | ( coughing ): WHAT A GEEK. |
| 93 | EVERYBODY, THIS IS FRANK. |
| 94 | THIS IS MY HALF-BROTHER, FRANK. |
| 95 | THIS IS EVERYBODY. THIS IS ROSS. |
| 96 | HI. HOW ARE YOU? HEY. |
| 97 | CHANDLER. HI. |
| 98 | JOEY. HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY... |
| 99 | HI. |
| 100 | THIS IS MONICA. |
| 101 | WHOA. |
| 102 | AND THIS IS RACHEL. |
| 103 | HI. |
| 104 | W-WHOA... |
| 105 | I'M GOING TO GET COFFEE. |
| 106 | HEY, HOW DO YOU GUYS GET ANYTHING DONE? |
| 107 | ( chuckling ) |
| 108 | WE DON'T REALLY. |
| 109 | DO YOU GUYS HAVE A LOT OF BIG PLANS? |
| 110 | OH, YEAH. WE'RE GOING TO, LIKE, CONNECT |
| 111 | AND BOND AND EVERYTHING. |
| 112 | YEAH, I WAS THINKING MAYBE WE COULD GO DOWN |
| 113 | TO TIMES SQUARE AND PICK UP SOME NINJA STARS. |
| 114 | OH, AND MY FRIEND, LARRY |
| 115 | HE WANTS ME TO TAKE A PICTURE OF A HOOKER. |
| 116 | WE REALLY DON'T TAKE ADVANTAGE OF LIVING IN THIS CITY. |
| 117 | OH, SORRY. DID I GET YOU? |
| 118 | NO, YOU DIDN'T "GET ME". |
| 119 | IT'S AN ELECTRIC DRILL. |
| 120 | YOU "GET ME," YOU KILL ME! |
| 121 | CALM DOWN. DO YOU WANT THIS UNIT OR NOT? |
| 122 | I DO NOT WANT THIS UNIT. |
| 123 | WELL, YOU SHOULD HAVE TOLD ME THAT BEFORE. |
| 124 | I'M NOT A MIND READER. |
| 125 | AND WE'RE OUT OF BEER. OKAY, I'M GOING TO MONICA'S. |
| 126 | FINE! |
| 127 | HEY. WHERE YOU HEADING IN THOSE PANTS, 1982? |
| 128 | OH, MONICA, LISTEN. I SAW DOWN AT THE HARDWARE STORE |
| 129 | THEY GOT THOSE DESIGNER TILES ON SALE |
| 130 | IF YOU EVER WANT TO REDO YOUR BATHROOM FLOOR. |
| 131 | WHAT'S WRONG WITH MY BATHROOM FLOOR? |
| 132 | NOTHING, IT'S JUST... |
| 133 | OLD AND DINGY, THAT'S ALL. |
| 134 | I HIGHLY DOUBT THAT. |
| 135 | OH, YEAH? |
| 136 | IF YOU, UH... |
| 137 | MOVE YOUR HAMPER |
| 138 | YOU CAN SEE THE COLOR THE TILE USED TO BE. |
| 139 | ( gasping ) YEAH. |
| 140 | I CAN'T LIVE LIKE THIS. WHAT AM I GOING TO DO? WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO? |
| 141 | RELAX, RELAX. HERE, HOLD THIS. |
| 142 | THIS OLD STUFF COMES RIGHT UP. |
| 143 | I'LL SHOW YOU. |
| 144 | A LITTLE MORE THAN I WANTED TO SEE. |
| 145 | OH. |
| 146 | LOOK AT THAT. |
| 147 | EVERY INCH OF THIS IS GLUED DOWN. |
| 148 | IT'D TAKE FOREVER TO PRY THIS UP. |
| 149 | YOU SHOULD UH... YOU SHOULD JUST LEAVE IT. |
| 150 | ( gasping ) |
| 151 | I CAN'T LEAVE IT. |
| 152 | YOU GOUGED A HOLE IN MY DINGY FLOOR. |
| 153 | UH... |
| 154 | YEAH, THERE YOU GO. |
| 155 | AW... |
| 156 | YEAH, THAT'S NICE. WE CAN PUT IT BACK THERE |
| 157 | AFTER THE SURGEONS REMOVE IT FROM YOUR COLON. |
| 158 | OOH! OOH! WHAT? |
| 159 | YEAH, I KNOW WHAT I WANTED TO ASK YOU. |
| 160 | UM, CAN YOU ROLL YOUR TONGUE? |
| 161 | 'CAUSE... 'CAUSE I CAN, AND MY MOM COULDN'T |
| 162 | AND I THOUGHT, YOU KNOW |
| 163 | I FIGURED THAT WAS SOMETHING I GOT FROM OUR DAD. |
| 164 | WELL, WAIT, YOU MEAN LIKE THIS? |
| 165 | YEAH. |
| 166 | YEAH, YOU CAN DO IT TOO. YEAH. |
| 167 | ( chuckling ) |
| 168 | YOU'RE NOT DOING IT. |
| 169 | OH, RIGHT. OKAY, YEAH. |
| 170 | MY MOM COULD AND I CAN'T. |
| 171 | WE DON'T HAVE THAT. |
| 172 | WHEN'S YOUR BIRTHDAY? |
| 173 | FEBRUARY 16. |
| 174 | I KNOW A GUY WHO'S THE 18th. |
| 175 | THAT'S CLOSE. |
| 176 | WHEN'S YOURS? |
| 177 | OCTOBER 25. |
| 178 | THAT'S THE SAME MONTH AS HALLOWEEN. |
| 179 | YEAH. |
| 180 | YEAH. |
| 181 | SO, UM, WHAT KIND OF THINGS DO YOU LIKE TO DO AT HOME? |
| 182 | MELT STUFF. |
| 183 | OKAY, I'VE GOT THREE OF MY FIVE. |
| 184 | THREE OF YOUR FIVE WHAT? |
| 185 | CELEBRITIES I'M ALLOWED TO SLEEP WITH. |
| 186 | MY GOD, YOU ARE GIVING THIS A LOT OF THOUGHT. |
| 187 | HEY, IT'S HARD, OKAY? |
| 188 | I ONLY HAVE TWO SPOTS LEFT. |
| 189 | WHO YOU GOT IT NARROWED DOWN TO? |
| 190 | OKAY... ELIZABETH HURLEY. |
| 191 | OOH, VERY ATTRACTIVE. |
| 192 | YEAH. |
| 193 | FORGIVING. |
| 194 | SUSAN SARANDON. |
| 195 | YOU KNOW WHAT? SHE'S TOO POLITICAL. |
| 196 | SHE PROBABLY WOULDN'T LET YOU DO IT |
| 197 | UNLESS YOU DONATED FOUR CANS OF FOOD FIRST. |
| 198 | ( chuckling ) |
| 199 | AND ISABELLA ROSSELLINI. |
| 200 | OOH... VERY HOT, VERY SEXY. |
| 201 | BUT, UH... YOU KNOW, SHE'S TOO INTERNATIONAL. |
| 202 | YOU KNOW, SHE'S NEVER GOING TO BE AROUND. |
| 203 | SO? SO, YOU GOT TO PLAY THE ODDS. |
| 204 | PICK SOMEBODY WHO'S IN THE COUNTRY ALL THE TIME. |
| 205 | YEAH, 'CAUSE THAT'S WHY YOU WON'T GET ISABELLA ROSSELLINI-- |
| 206 | GEOGRAPHY. |
| 207 | OKAY, SO, BY "MELTING" YOU MEANT MELTING. |
| 208 | YEAH. |
| 209 | SO, IS IT LIKE ART? |
| 210 | YEAH, YOU CAN MELT ART. |
| 211 | HEY, CAN I USE YOUR PHONE? |
| 212 | MMM. YEAH, SURE. |
| 213 | WHY, YOU WANT TO CALL YOUR MOM? |
| 214 | NO, I WANT TO MELT IT. |
| 215 | OH, WELL, UM, NOT RIGHT NOW. |
| 216 | ( nervous chuckling ) |
| 217 | YOU KNOW WHAT, I THINK I'M JUST GOING TO GO TO BED. |
| 218 | I THINK THE FUMES ARE GIVING ME A HEADACHE. |
| 219 | ( chuckling ): YEAH, YEAH... |
| 220 | GOOD NIGHT... BRO. |
| 221 | GOOD NIGHT. |
| 222 | HERE. |
| 223 | JUST IN CASE. YOU KNOW. |
| 224 | OH, EXCELLENT. |
| 225 | ( falsetto kiaiing ) |
| 226 | WHAT KIND OF KARATE IS THAT? |
| 227 | NO KIND. |
| 228 | HE JUST MAKES IT UP. |
| 229 | OH. |
| 230 | HOW'S IT GOING WITH YOU GUYS? |
| 231 | SO FAR IT KIND OF BLOWS. |
| 232 | I JUST THOUGHT, YOU KNOW, THAT... |
| 233 | HE'D FEEL MORE LIKE A BROTHER. |
| 234 | YOU KNOW, LIKE YOU AND ROSS |
| 235 | JUST LIKE CLOSE AND CONNECTED AND... |
| 236 | HONEY, WE'RE CLOSE NOW |
| 237 | BUT YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE THE YEARS |
| 238 | OF NOOGIES AND WEDGIES |
| 239 | AND FLYING WEDGIES AND ATOMIC WEDGIES AND... |
| 240 | THAT'S WHEN THE WAISTBAND ACTUALLY GOES OVER YOUR HEAD. |
| 241 | AH. |
| 242 | WE USED TO DRIVE EACH OTHER CRAZY PLAYING THE SHADOW GAME. |
| 243 | HOW DO YOU PLAY THE SHADOW GAME? |
| 244 | HOW DO YOU PLAY THE SHADOW GAME? |
| 245 | I JUST ASKED YOU. |
| 246 | I JUST ASKED YOU. |
| 247 | I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS. |
| 248 | THAT IS WHAT THE GAME IS. |
| 249 | YOU JUST GAVE UP REALLY QUICKLY. |
| 250 | YOU SEEN JOEY? |
| 251 | WHAT'S THE MATTER? OH, JUST... |
| 252 | THIS! |
| 253 | ( dry chuckling ) |
| 254 | YOU KNOW WHAT, IT'S MY FAULT REALLY |
| 255 | BECAUSE THE COUCH IS WHERE WE USUALLY KEEP THE VARNISH. |
| 256 | Joey: HEY, SOMEBODY WANT TO HAND ME ONE OF THOSE TILES? |
| 257 | WHAT'S GOING ON? |
| 258 | HE'S RE-TILING MY FLOOR. |
| 259 | YO! |
| 260 | SPACKLE BOY. |
| 261 | GET UP. |
| 262 | AH-AH! YOU STARTED THIS, YOU WILL FINISH IT. |
| 263 | HE STARTED MINE FIRST. |
| 264 | BUILD THE UNIT, CINDERELLY, LAY THE TILES, CINDERELLY. |
| 265 | Frank: WHOA. |
| 266 | BIG OCTOPUS. |
| 267 | YEAH. |
| 268 | ( phone ringing ) |
| 269 | HELLO? |
| 270 | OH, MY GOD, I TOTALLY FORGOT. |
| 271 | WELL, CAN'T SOMEONE ELSE DO IT? |
| 272 | BUT I HAVE COMPANY. |
| 273 | YEAH, NO, THAT'S ALL RIGHT. I'LL COME IN. OKAY. |
| 274 | FRANK, I'M REALLY SORRY, BUT I HAVE TO GO INTO WORK. |
| 275 | IT'S ONE OF MY REGULARS |
| 276 | AND HE'S INSISTING THAT I DO HIM, SO... |
| 277 | HEY, WHAT KIND OF WORK DO YOU DO? |
| 278 | OH! I'M A MASSEUSE. |
| 279 | I GIVE PEOPLE MASSAGES AND STUFF. |
| 280 | YOU... YOU WORK AT ONE OF THOSE MASSAGE PARLORS? |
| 281 | WELL, WE DON'T CALL IT THAT, BUT YEAH. |
| 282 | ( goofy chuckling ) |
| 283 | THAT'S WILD. |
| 284 | NO, I HAD NO IDEA. |
| 285 | ALL RIGHTY. |
| 286 | I'LL BE BACK IN A LITTLE BIT. |
| 287 | UNLESS, YOU WANT TO COME WITH ME. |
| 288 | YOU MEAN, LIKE WATCH? |
| 289 | NO, NO. YOU CAN GET ONE YOURSELF. |
| 290 | IT'LL BE ON THE HOUSE, YOU KNOW... |
| 291 | WHAT ARE BIG SISTERS FOR? |
| 292 | I DON'T THINK THIS... YOU KNOW. |
| 293 | NO, NO, NO. |
| 294 | I WOULDN'T DO YOU MYSELF. |
| 295 | I MEAN, THAT WOULD BE WEIRD. |
| 296 | YEAH... NO, I'LL GET ONE OF THE OTHER GIRLS TO DO IT. |
| 297 | OH! THIS IS SO MUCH FUN! |
| 298 | YAY! |
| 299 | ARE YOU EXCITED?! |
| 300 | ( quaky voice ): YEAH. |
| 301 | HEY, DO MONICA AND RACHEL WORK THERE? |
| 302 | IT'S BEAUTIFUL. |
| 303 | IT'S LIKE THE FIRST BATHROOM FLOOR THERE EVER WAS. |
| 304 | WHOA! |
| 305 | WHAT ARE YOU GOING IN THERE FOR? |
| 306 | YOU WANT, LIKE, A NUMBER? |
| 307 | HEY. |
| 308 | HI. BYE. |
| 309 | OKAY-- |
| 310 | I'M DONE WITH MY CHOICES. |
| 311 | THESE ARE FINAL. |
| 312 | WELL, IT'S ABOUT TIME. |
| 313 | YEAH, VERY OFFICIAL. |
| 314 | OH, YEAH. WELL, YOU KNOW, |
| 315 | CHANDLER PRINTED IT UP ON HIS COMPUTER. |
| 316 | AND WHO LAMINATED IT? |
| 317 | THAT WAS ME. |
| 318 | ALL RIGHT, LET ME SEE. |
| 319 | HUH... "UMA THURMAN, WINONA RYDER, ELIZABETH HURLEY |
| 320 | "MICHELLE PFEIFFER... |
| 321 | DOROTHY HAMILL"? |
| 322 | HEY, IT'S MY LIST. |
| 323 | OKAY, HONEY, YOU DO REALIZE SHE ONLY SPINS LIKE THAT ON ICE. |
| 324 | OW, OW, OW! |
| 325 | OW, OW, OW, OW! |
| 326 | OW, OW. |
| 327 | OW, YOU KNOW, OW... |
| 328 | HEY, WHAT'S GOING ON? |
| 329 | SHE BROKE MY ARM. |
| 330 | HE TOUCHED MY FANNY. |
| 331 | NO. SHE TOUCHED MINE FIRST. |
| 332 | THAT'S MY JOB. |
| 333 | SO, WAIT. WHAT'S THE DEAL HERE? |
| 334 | I CAN HAVE SEX WITH YOU, BUT I CAN'T TOUCH YOU? |
| 335 | EWW! EWW! |
| 336 | YOU CAN'T HAVE SEX WITH HER. |
| 337 | WHAT DID YOU THINK I WAS, A HOOKER? |
| 338 | NO, OKAY-- YOU'RE A "MASSEUSE." |
| 339 | IT'S COOL. I'M NOT A COP. |
| 340 | HEY, J-JASMINE, CAN YOU ASK MR. WIFFLER |
| 341 | IF HE CAN WAIT FOR, LIKE, FIVE MINUTES? |
| 342 | FINE. |
| 343 | I DON'T LIKE YOU. |
| 344 | SO... THAT'S WHAT YOU THOUGHT I DID?! |
| 345 | GOD! |
| 346 | THAT'S NOT WHAT I DO! |
| 347 | WAIT, THAT... THAT... |
| 348 | WAIT, THAT'S NOT WHAT YOU DO? |
| 349 | NO! |
| 350 | WHY WOULD YOU THINK THAT? |
| 351 | I DON'T KNOW. I MEAN, YOU KNOW... |
| 352 | THIS IS THE CITY, YOU KNOW? I JUST... I MEAN, I... |
| 353 | I DON'T KNOW. |
| 354 | WHATEVER. IT'S THE PERFECT END TO THE PERFECT WEEKEND, ANYWAY. |
| 355 | OH... WAIT. |
| 356 | NO, YOU'RE RIGHT. |
| 357 | NO, IT WAS PERFECT, UH... |
| 358 | I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT I SCREWED IT UP SO BAD. |
| 359 | YOU REALLY THOUGHT IT WAS PERFECT? |
| 360 | WELL, NO, MAYBE IT WASN'T PERFECT |
| 361 | BUT, YOU KNOW, IT WAS PRETTY COOL, YOU KNOW. |
| 362 | 'CAUSE WE HAD ALL THOSE GREAT TALKS, YOU KNOW? |
| 363 | YEAH. UM... |
| 364 | WHICH ONES IN PARTICULAR WERE GREAT FOR YOU? |
| 365 | WELL, YOU KNOW |
| 366 | ABOUT THE TONGUE THING, YOU KNOW... |
| 367 | AND HOW I TOLD YOU ABOUT MY LIKES AND MY DISLIKES. |
| 368 | I DON'T... |
| 369 | HOW I LIKE TO MELT STUFF |
| 370 | AND HOW I DISLIKE STUFF THAT DOESN'T MELT? |
| 371 | RIGHT. OKAY. MM-HMM. |
| 372 | YEAH, YOU KNOW... |
| 373 | 'CAUSE I FEEL LIKE I CAN REALLY TALK TO YOU |
| 374 | 'CAUSE, YOU KNOW, YOU'RE MY SISTER. YOU KNOW? |
| 375 | YEAH. |
| 376 | I GUESS I DO. YEAH. |
| 377 | AND THEN I GO FEEL YOUR FRIEND UP |
| 378 | AND MAKE YOU MAD AT ME. |
| 379 | WELL, I WASN'T HOPPING MAD... |
| 380 | YOU KNOW... |
| 381 | YOU HOPPED A LITTLE BIT. |
| 382 | YEAH, I'M REALLY SORRY... REALLY. |
| 383 | WELL, OKAY. |
| 384 | ALL RIGHT, WELL, THIS IS MY FAVORITE PART OF THE WEEKEND. |
| 385 | RIGHT NOW. THIS. |
| 386 | THIS? UH-HUH. |
| 387 | OH, COME ON. WE WENT TO TIMES SQUARE. |
| 388 | WE, WE FOUND NINJA STARS. |
| 389 | I ALMOST GET MY ARM BROKEN BY A HOOKER... |
| 390 | SHE'S NOT A HOOKER. |
| 391 | WHEN I TELL MY FRIENDS ABOUT HER, SHE WILL BE. |
| 392 | OKAY. ON THREE. |
| 393 | ONE, TWO... |
| 394 | WHY DON'T WE JUST GO ON TWO? |
| 395 | WHY TWO? |
| 396 | BECAUSE IT'S FASTER. |
| 397 | I COULD HAVE COUNTED TO THREE, LIKE, FOUR TIMES |
| 398 | WITHOUT ALL THIS TWO TALK. |
| 399 | ALL RIGHT, BUT IN THE FUTURE... |
| 400 | OKAY, OKAY. |
| 401 | HEAVY THING, NOT GETTING LIGHTER. |
| 402 | OKAY. ONE, TWO... |
| 403 | SO WE ARE GOING WITH TWO? Others: OH! |
| 404 | A GOOD JOB, JOE. |
| 405 | WOW. |
| 406 | IT'S BIG. |
| 407 | YEAH. YEAH. SO BIG, THAT IT ACTUALLY MAKES |
| 408 | OUR DOORS LOOK SMALLER. |
| 409 | MAYBE MY RULER'S WRONG. |
| 410 | MAYBE ALL THE RULERS ARE WRONG. |
| 411 | LOOK, IT'S NOT THAT BAD. |
| 412 | SO WHAT? IT BLOCKS A LITTLE OF YOUR DOOR |
| 413 | A LITTLE OF MY DOOR. |
| 414 | YEAH, YOU KNOW WHAT? I GOT A BETTER IDEA. |
| 415 | HOW ABOUT IT BLOCKS NONE OF MY DOOR |
| 416 | AND A LOT OF YOUR DOOR? |
| 417 | OKAY. LISTEN, BEFORE I FORGET |
| 418 | THAT SIDE IS STILL WET. |
| 419 | OKAY, SIR, LET ME JUST SEE IF I'VE GOT THIS RIGHT. |
| 420 | SO THIS IS A HALF CAF, DOUBLE TALL, EASY HAZELNUT |
| 421 | NON-FAT, NO FOAM, WITH WHIPPED, EXTRA HOT LATTE, RIGHT? |
| 422 | OKAY. GREAT. |
| 423 | YOU FREAK. |
| 424 | THANK YOU. |
| 425 | COFFEE TO GO, PLEASE. |
| 426 | ( no audio ) |
| 427 | ISABELLA ROSSELLINI! |
| 428 | ARE YOU SERIOUS? |
| 429 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 430 | DAMN, I CANNOT BELIEVE I TOOK HER OFF MY LIST. |
| 431 | WHY? 'CAUSE OTHERWISE, YOU'D "GO FOR IT"? |
| 432 | ( laughs ) |
| 433 | YEAH. MAYBE. |
| 434 | OH-HO! YOU LIE. |
| 435 | WHAT, YOU DON'T THINK I'D GO UP TO HER? |
| 436 | ROSS, IT TOOK YOU TEN YEARS TO FINALLY ADMIT YOU LIKE ME. |
| 437 | YEAH? WELL, MISSY, |
| 438 | YOU BETTER BE GLAD THAT LIST IS LAMINATED. |
| 439 | YOU KNOW WHAT, HONEY? YOU GO AHEAD. |
| 440 | WE'LL CALL HER AN ALTERNATE. |
| 441 | OKAY. ALL RIGHT. |
| 442 | HOLD MY CRULLER. |
| 443 | OKAY. |
| 444 | RACH, ARE YOU REALLY GOING TO LET HIM DO THIS? |
| 445 | HONEY, HE'S ABOUT TO GO HIT ON ISABELLA ROSSELLINI. |
| 446 | I'M JUST SORRY WE DON'T GOT POPCORN. |
| 447 | HI... |
| 448 | ( voice cracking ): HI. |
| 449 | I'M ROSS. |
| 450 | YOU DON'T KNOW ME |
| 451 | BUT I'M A BIG, BIG FAN OF YOURS. |
| 452 | I MEAN, UM, BLUE VELVET... WHOO..! |
| 453 | I WAS WONDERING IF I COULD MAYBE BUY YOU |
| 454 | A, UM, CUP OF COFFEE. |
| 455 | OR... REIMBURSE YOU FOR THAT ONE. |
| 456 | ( laughs ) |
| 457 | AREN'T YOU WITH THAT GIRL OVER THERE? |
| 458 | WELL, YEAH. KIND OF. |
| 459 | BUT THAT'S OKAY. |
| 460 | SEE, WE HAVE AN UNDERSTANDING. |
| 461 | UM, SEE, WE EACH HAVE THIS LIST |
| 462 | OF FIVE FAMOUS PEOPLE, AND YOU WERE ONE OF MINE. |
| 463 | SO I'M ALLOWED TO SLEEP WITH YOU. |
| 464 | NO, NO, NO. |
| 465 | IT'S FLATTERING. |
| 466 | WHOA! |
| 467 | I DON'T KNOW... W-WAIT... |
| 468 | WAIT. ISABELLA... |
| 469 | ( chuckles ) |
| 470 | DON'T-DON'T JUST DISMISS THIS SO FAST. |
| 471 | THIS IS A ONCE-IN-A-LIFETIME OPPORTUNITY. |
| 472 | YEAH, FOR YOU. |
| 473 | IS THAT THE LIST? UM, YES. |
| 474 | CAN I SEE IT? UM, NO. |
| 475 | COME ON. BUT, OKAY... |
| 476 | I'M NOT IN THE LIST. |
| 477 | UM, SEE, BUT THAT'S NOT THE FINAL DRAFT. |
| 478 | IT'S LAMINATED. |
| 479 | YEAH... UM, OKAY, |
| 480 | SO YOU WERE-- YOU WERE ON MY LIST |
| 481 | BUT THEN MY FRIEND CHANDLER... |
| 482 | ( chuckling ) |
| 483 | BROUGHT UP THE VERY GOOD POINT |
| 484 | THAT YOU ARE INTERNATIONAL. |
| 485 | SO I BUMPED YOU FOR WYNONA RYDER. |
| 486 | LOCAL. |
| 487 | YOU KNOW, IT'S IRONIC. |
| 488 | BECAUSE I HAVE A LIST OF FIVE GOOFY COFFEEHOUSE GUYS |
| 489 | AND YESTERDAY I JUST BUMPED YOU FOR... |
| 490 | THAT GUY OVER THERE. |
| 491 | WE'RE JUST GOING TO BE FRIENDS. |
| 492 | YOU KNOW WHAT? MM? |
| 493 | BET YOU I COULD FIT IN THERE. |
| 494 | I GOT FIVE BUCKS SAYS YOU CAN'T. |
| 495 | GET OUT YOUR CHECKBOOK, MISTER. |
| 496 | OH, I THINK I HAVE THE CASH. |
| 497 | YOU ARE DOGGED, MAN. |
| 498 | I TOTALLY FIT. |
| 499 | YEAH. YOU GOT ME. |
| 500 | I'M OUT FIVE BIG ONES. |
| 501 | THERE YOU GO. |
| 502 | THANK YOU. |
| 503 | CHA-CHING! |
| 504 | OH, HELLO, MR. LINCOLN! |
| 505 | BETTER LUCK NEXT TIME, BUDDY. |
| 506 | AND THE DRINKS ARE ON ME. |
| 507 | |
| 1 | OKAY, JANICE HAS A QUESTION: |
| 2 | WHO OF THE SIX OF YOU |
| 3 | HAS SLEPT WITH WHO OF THE SIX OF YOU? |
| 4 | Phoebe: WOW, IT'S LIKE A DIRTY MATH PROBLEM. |
| 5 | UM, SORRY, THE ANSWER THERE WOULD BE: |
| 6 | NONE OF US. |
| 7 | Janice: COME ON, NONE OF YOU EVER GOT |
| 8 | YOU KNOW, DRUNK AND STUPID? |
| 9 | Joey: WELL, THAT'S REALLY A DIFFERENT QUESTION. |
| 10 | I'M SORRY. |
| 11 | I FIND IT HARD TO BELIEVE THAT A GROUP OF PEOPLE |
| 12 | WHO SPENDS AS MUCH TIME TOGETHER AS YOU GUYS DO |
| 13 | HAS NEVER BUMPED UGLIES. |
| 14 | Joey: THERE WAS THAT ONE TIME |
| 15 | THAT MONICA AND RACHEL GOT TOGETHER. |
| 16 | WHAT?! |
| 17 | EXCUSE ME. |
| 18 | THERE WAS NO "TIME." |
| 19 | OKAY, BUT LET'S SAY THERE WAS... |
| 20 | HOW MIGHT THAT GO? |
| 21 | OKAY, OKAY. |
| 22 | WELL, THEN ANSWER ME THIS. |
| 23 | HAVE ANY OF YOU EVER... |
| 24 | ALMOST? |
| 25 | Rachel: DOES ANYBODY NEED ANY MORE COFFEE? |
| 26 | Joey: HEY, THERE'S A DOG OUT THERE. |
| 27 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 28 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 29 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 30 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 31 | ♪ WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY ♪ |
| 32 | ♪ YOUR WEEK, YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 33 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 34 | ♪ WHEN THE RAIN STARTS TO POUR ♪ |
| 35 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 36 | ♪ LIKE I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE ♪ |
| 37 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 38 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME TOO. ♪ |
| 39 | OH, THAT WAS SO UNFORTUNATE. |
| 40 | WHAT? |
| 41 | THE CUTE NAKED GUY'S REALLY STARTING TO PUT ON WEIGHT. |
| 42 | OKAY, I'LL BE BACK IN JUST A MINUTE. |
| 43 | OH, PHOEBE? |
| 44 | I'M SORRY |
| 45 | THAT I LEFT LIPSTICK MARKS ON THE PHONE. |
| 46 | YOU DIDN'T LEAVE LIPSTICK MARKS ON THE PHONE. |
| 47 | OH. THEN IT MUST HAVE BEEN YOU. |
| 48 | BYE. |
| 49 | BYE-BYE. |
| 50 | AND THAT'S WHY I MOVED OUT. |
| 51 | YOU KNOW, WHILE WE'RE ON THAT |
| 52 | WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO TELL MY SISTER |
| 53 | THAT YOU DON'T LIVE HERE ANYMORE? |
| 54 | I THINK ON SOME LEVEL SHE ALREADY KNOWS. |
| 55 | SHE DOESN'T KNOW YOU SNEAK OUT EVERY NIGHT... |
| 56 | THAT YOU SNEAK BACK EVERY MORNING. |
| 57 | SHE DOESN'T KNOW THAT YOU'VE BEEN LIVING |
| 58 | AT YOUR GRANDMOTHER'S FOR A WEEK NOW. |
| 59 | OKAY, WELL, MAYBE NOT ON THOSE LEVELS. |
| 60 | HEY. |
| 61 | Phoebe: OH, HI. |
| 62 | I'M NEVER GOING TO FIND A ROOMMATE EVER. |
| 63 | WELL, NOBODY GOOD? |
| 64 | WELL, LET'S SEE. |
| 65 | THERE WAS THE GUY WITH THE FERRETS. |
| 66 | THAT'S PLURAL. |
| 67 | THE SPITTER. |
| 68 | OH, THE GUY WHO ENJOYED MY NAME SO MUCH |
| 69 | HE FELT HE NEEDED TO MAKE A LITTLE NOISE |
| 70 | EVERY TIME HE SAID IT. |
| 71 | "NICE TO MEET YOU, CHANDLER BING. |
| 72 | BING!" |
| 73 | "GREAT APARTMENT, CHANDLER BING. |
| 74 | ( high-pitched voice ): BING!" |
| 75 | SO HOW MANY MORE DO YOU HAVE TOMORROW? |
| 76 | TWO. THIS PHOTOGRAPHER WHO SEEMED REALLY DULL |
| 77 | AND THIS ACTOR GUY, WHO I'M NOT SURE ABOUT |
| 78 | BECAUSE, UH, WHEN HE CALLED |
| 79 | AND I ANSWERED THE PHONE "CHANDLER BING" |
| 80 | HE SAID, "WHOA! SHORT MESSAGE." |
| 81 | Monica: UH, ROSS? |
| 82 | FOOT ON THE FLOOR OR COME OVER NO MORE. |
| 83 | SURE. YOUR DRESSER IS MISSING |
| 84 | BUT THIS SHE NOTICES. |
| 85 | WHAT? |
| 86 | I HAVE TO GO. |
| 87 | YEAH, CAROL SHOULD BE HOME BY NOW. |
| 88 | HMM. HOW'S IT GOING WITH YOU GUYS? |
| 89 | OH, BETTER, ACTUALLY. |
| 90 | YOU KNOW, I THINK I FINALLY FIGURED OUT |
| 91 | WHY WE WERE HAVING SO MUCH TROUBLE LATELY. |
| 92 | OH, REALLY? |
| 93 | YOU KNOW HOW I HAVE YOU GUYS? |
| 94 | WELL, SHE DOESN'T HAVE ANY CLOSE FRIENDS |
| 95 | THAT ARE JUST HERS |
| 96 | BUT LAST WEEK SHE MET THIS WOMAN |
| 97 | AT THE GYM-- SUSAN SOMETHING-- |
| 98 | AND THEY REALLY HIT IT OFF |
| 99 | AND I THINK IT'S GOING TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE. |
| 100 | SO, UH, ERIC... |
| 101 | WHAT KIND OF PHOTOGRAPHY DO YOU DO? |
| 102 | OH, MOSTLY FASHION. |
| 103 | SO THERE MAY BE MODELS HERE FROM TIME TO TIME. |
| 104 | I HOPE THAT'S COOL. |
| 105 | YES, IT IS COOL... |
| 106 | UH, BECAUSE I HAVE MODELS HERE, YOU KNOW... |
| 107 | NEVER. |
| 108 | WHAT ELSE? OOH, YEAH. |
| 109 | DURING THE SUMMER, I SPEND MOST WEEKENDS |
| 110 | AT MY SISTER'S BEACH HOUSE |
| 111 | WHICH YOU ARE WELCOME TO USE. |
| 112 | ALTHOUGH I SHOULD TELL YOU SHE'S A PORN STAR. |
| 113 | WELL, LISTEN, I, UH, STILL HAVE ONE MORE PERSON TO, UH, MEET |
| 114 | BUT UNLESS IT TURNS OUT TO BE YOUR SISTER... |
| 115 | ( clearing throat ) |
| 116 | I THINK YOUR CHANCES ARE PRETTY GOOD. |
| 117 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 118 | BEDROOM, BATHROOM, LIVING ROOM |
| 119 | THIS RIGHT HERE'S THE KITCHEN |
| 120 | AND, UH, THANKS FOR COMING BY. BYE-BYE. |
| 121 | DON'T YOU, UH, DON'T YOU WANT TO ASK ME ANY QUESTIONS? |
| 122 | SURE. UH, HMM... |
| 123 | WHAT'S UP? |
| 124 | WELL, UH, I'M AN ACTOR. |
| 125 | I'M FAIRLY NEAT. |
| 126 | I, UH, I GOT MY OWN TV. |
| 127 | OH, AND DON'T WORRY. |
| 128 | I'M TOTALLY OKAY WITH THE GAY THING. |
| 129 | ( chuckling ): WHAT GAY THING? |
| 130 | UH, JUST, YOU KNOW, IN GENERAL-- |
| 131 | THE WHOLE PEOPLE BEING GAY... THING. |
| 132 | TOTALLY COOL WITH THAT. |
| 133 | ( clearing throat ) |
| 134 | WELL, OKAY, JERRY. |
| 135 | THANKS FOR STOPPING BY. |
| 136 | HI. |
| 137 | HEY. |
| 138 | HEY, MON. |
| 139 | YOU WANT TO HEAR SOMETHING THAT SUCKS? |
| 140 | DO I EVER. |
| 141 | CHRIS SAYS THEY'RE CLOSING DOWN THE BAR. |
| 142 | NO WAY. |
| 143 | THEY'RE TURNING IT INTO SOME KIND OF COFFEE PLACE. |
| 144 | JUST COFFEE? |
| 145 | WHERE ARE WE GOING TO HANG OUT NOW? |
| 146 | GOT ME. |
| 147 | CAN I GET A BEER, PLEASE? |
| 148 | DID YOU PICK A ROOMMATE? |
| 149 | YOU BETCHA. |
| 150 | IS IT THE ITALIAN GUY? |
| 151 | YEAH, RIGHT. |
| 152 | OHH... HE'S SO CUTE. |
| 153 | OH, YES, THAT'S WHAT I WANT-- |
| 154 | A ROOMMATE THAT I CAN WALK AROUND WITH |
| 155 | AND BE REFERRED TO AS "THE FUNNY ONE." |
| 156 | OH, LOOK. POOL TABLE'S FREE. |
| 157 | RACK THEM UP. I'LL BE BACK IN A MINUTE. |
| 158 | GET READY FOR ME TO WHIP YOUR BUTT. |
| 159 | OKAY, BUT AFTER THAT, WE'RE SHOOTING SOME POOL. |
| 160 | OH. NO, NO, NO. |
| 161 | EXCUSE ME. |
| 162 | HELLO. HI. |
| 163 | MY FRIEND |
| 164 | ORDERED AN ONION |
| 165 | NOT AN OLIVE. |
| 166 | AND, UH, I ORDERED A RUM AND DIET COKE |
| 167 | WHICH I DON'T THINK THIS IS. |
| 168 | I AM SO SORRY. |
| 169 | THAT'S ALL RIGHT. |
| 170 | I MEAN, HOW HARD IS IT TO GET A COUPLE DRINKS RIGHT, HUH? |
| 171 | WELL... |
| 172 | I WOULD LIKE TO PROPOSE A TOAST. |
| 173 | OH! |
| 174 | TO THE WOMAN WHO, IN ONE YEAR FROM TODAY |
| 175 | WILL BECOME MRS. DR. BARRY FARBER, D.D.S. |
| 176 | MMM. I THINK IT'S TIME TO SEE THE RING AGAIN. |
| 177 | ( both screaming ) |
| 178 | ISN'T IT EXCITING? |
| 179 | I MEAN, IT'S LIKE HAVING A BOYFRIEND FOR LIFE. |
| 180 | ( clearing throat ) |
| 181 | YEAH. |
| 182 | I KNOW. |
| 183 | WHAT? |
| 184 | OHH... I DON'T KNOW. |
| 185 | WELL, MAYBE IT'S JUST |
| 186 | THE IDEA OF BARRY FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. |
| 187 | I DON'T KNOW. |
| 188 | I THINK I-I FEEL LIKE I NEED TO HAVE ONE LAST FLING, YOU KNOW? |
| 189 | TO SORT OF GET IT OUT OF MY SYSTEM. |
| 190 | RACHEL, STOP. |
| 191 | YOU'RE SO BAD. |
| 192 | I'M SERIOUS. |
| 193 | I REALLY... I THINK I NEED TO JUST HAVE SOME... |
| 194 | MEANINGLESS... SEX, YOU KNOW? |
| 195 | WITH THE NEXT GUY I SEE. |
| 196 | EXCUSE ME. |
| 197 | I... SEEMED TO HAVE DROPPED MY BALL. |
| 198 | YEAH, SO? |
| 199 | AND NOW I'VE PICKED IT UP AGAIN. |
| 200 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 201 | I WENT TO HIGH SCHOOL WITH HER. |
| 202 | RACHEL! |
| 203 | HI. |
| 204 | MONICA! |
| 205 | LOOK. HI. |
| 206 | WHAT DO YOU THINK? |
| 207 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 208 | YOU CAN'T EVEN SEE WHERE THE TITANIC HIT IT. |
| 209 | ( laughs ) |
| 210 | YES. HIS NAME IS BARRY. |
| 211 | HE'S A DOCTOR, THANK YOU VERY MUCH. |
| 212 | AW, JUST LIKE YOU ALWAYS WANTED. |
| 213 | CONGRATULATIONS. |
| 214 | THANK YOU. |
| 215 | SO HOW ABOUT YOU? |
| 216 | ARE YOU SEEING ANYBODY? |
| 217 | OH, NOT RIGHT NOW. |
| 218 | OH, WELL, THAT'S OKAY. |
| 219 | I KNOW. |
| 220 | WELL, SO I THINK I'LL GET BACK TO MY FRIEND. |
| 221 | OH, YEAH, SURE, SURE. |
| 222 | SURE, SURE, SURE. |
| 223 | LISTEN. CAN WE PLEASE HAVE LUNCH |
| 224 | THE NEXT TIME I'M IN THE CITY? |
| 225 | OH, THAT'D BE GREAT. |
| 226 | OKAY. THANKS. |
| 227 | BYE. BYE. |
| 228 | TEN BUCKS SAYS I NEVER SEE THAT WOMAN AGAIN IN MY LIFE. |
| 229 | NO, REAL... HONEY, REALLY. |
| 230 | IT'S FINE. |
| 231 | JUST... |
| 232 | GO WITH SUSAN. |
| 233 | REALLY, I THINK... |
| 234 | NO, I THINK GIRLS' NIGHT OUT IS A GREAT IDEA. |
| 235 | OKAY. OKAY, BYE. |
| 236 | SO WHAT ARE THEY DOING? |
| 237 | I DON'T KNOW. |
| 238 | SOMETHING GIRLY. |
| 239 | HEY. |
| 240 | HEY, YOU'RE EARLY. |
| 241 | WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THE LAMP? |
| 242 | I'M TAKING IT TO GET REWIRED. |
| 243 | OH. DON'T TAKE IT TO THE SAME PLACE YOU TOOK THE STEREO. |
| 244 | THEY'VE HAD THAT THING |
| 245 | FOR OVER A WEEK. |
| 246 | ( knocking ) |
| 247 | NO... |
| 248 | NO! MR. HECKLES, NO ONE IS MAKING ANY NOISE UP HERE! |
| 249 | YOU'RE DISTURBING MY OBOE PRACTICE. |
| 250 | YOU DON'T PLAY THE OBOE. |
| 251 | I COULD PLAY THE OBOE. |
| 252 | THEN I'M GOING TO HAVE TO ASK YOU TO KEEP IT DOWN. |
| 253 | WHO ARE YOU? |
| 254 | HI. I'M ERIC. |
| 255 | I'M GOING TO BE CHANDLER'S NEW ROOMMATE. |
| 256 | I'M CHANDLER'S NEW ROOMMATE. |
| 257 | I DON'T THINK SO. |
| 258 | I COULD BE CHANDLER'S NEW ROOMMATE. |
| 259 | BUT HE TOLD ME OVER THE PHONE... |
| 260 | HE TOLD ME IN PERSON. |
| 261 | OH. THAT'S WEIRD. |
| 262 | WELL, I'M GOING TO, UH, GO INTO MY NEW APARTMENT NOW. |
| 263 | HUH? |
| 264 | ( shouts ) |
| 265 | HI AGAIN. |
| 266 | HEY. |
| 267 | HEY. |
| 268 | THANK YOU SO MUCH. |
| 269 | OH, DON'T THANK ME. |
| 270 | THANK THE JERK THAT NEVER SHOWED UP. |
| 271 | OKAY, I GOT TO GET TO WORK. |
| 272 | YOU WANT SOME HELP WITH THAT? |
| 273 | OH, NO THANKS. I GOT IT. |
| 274 | OH, NO, I DON'T. |
| 275 | WHOA! |
| 276 | ( laughing ) |
| 277 | YOU OKAY? |
| 278 | YEAH. |
| 279 | WHOO! |
| 280 | I STOOD UP TOO FAST. |
| 281 | GOT A LITTLE HEAD RUSH. |
| 282 | IT'S THE HEAT. |
| 283 | ( clearing throat ) |
| 284 | AND THE HUMIDITY. |
| 285 | ( nervous laugh ) |
| 286 | THAT'S A, UH... |
| 287 | THAT'S A TOUGH COMBINATION. |
| 288 | ( chuckles ) |
| 289 | DO YOU WANT TO COME IN FOR SOME LEMONADE? |
| 290 | LIKE YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE. |
| 291 | OHH... |
| 292 | WOW. |
| 293 | THIS IS A GREAT PLACE. |
| 294 | OH, THANK YOU. |
| 295 | JUST... MAKE YOURSELF COMFORTABLE. |
| 296 | GOTCHA. |
| 297 | ( chuckling ) |
| 298 | SO THIS PLACE |
| 299 | IS REALLY MY GRANDMOTHER'S. |
| 300 | I GOT IT FROM HER WHEN SHE MOVED TO FLORIDA. |
| 301 | OTHERWISE I COULD NEVER AFFORD A PLACE LIKE THIS. |
| 302 | SO IF THE LANDLORD EVER ASKS |
| 303 | I'M AN 87-YEAR-OLD WOMAN WHO'S AFRAID OF HER VCR. |
| 304 | YOU THIRSTY? |
| 305 | YOU BET I AM. |
| 306 | OKAY. |
| 307 | HERE'S YOUR PENIS! |
| 308 | YOU SAID, "YOU WANT TO COME IN FOR SOME LEMONADE?" |
| 309 | SO?! |
| 310 | WERE, AH... WERE YOU JUST GOING TO GIVE ME LEMONADE? |
| 311 | YEAH-HUH! |
| 312 | WOULD YOU COVER YOURSELF UP?! |
| 313 | OH, RIGHT. SORRY. |
| 314 | GOD, I DON'T BELIEVE THIS. |
| 315 | SOMEONE ASKS YOU IN FOR LEMONADE |
| 316 | AND TO YOU, THAT MEANS THEY WANT TO HAVE SEX?! |
| 317 | UM, USUALLY... |
| 318 | YEAH. WELL, NOT JUST LEMONADE. |
| 319 | ICED TEA... SOMETIMES JUICE. |
| 320 | LOOK, I'M... SORRY. |
| 321 | I JUST... THOUGHT YOU LIKED ME. |
| 322 | I'M SUCH A JERK. |
| 323 | IT'S OKAY. |
| 324 | ( sighs ) |
| 325 | I SUPPOSE IT COULD HAPPEN TO ANYONE. |
| 326 | NOT ANYONE I KNOW, BUT... |
| 327 | BY THE WAY, I CAN STILL SEE IT. |
| 328 | HEY! |
| 329 | PHEEBS? |
| 330 | HUH? |
| 331 | WHERE'S YOUR BED? |
| 332 | IT'S NOT IN THE APARTMENT? |
| 333 | OH, NO. |
| 334 | I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS IS HAPPENING AGAIN. |
| 335 | WHAT? |
| 336 | OKAY, ENOUGH OF THE THIRD DEGREE! |
| 337 | I-I-I DON'T LIVE HERE ANYMORE. |
| 338 | WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? |
| 339 | I'M SORRY. |
| 340 | I... I... I... |
| 341 | I DON'T LIVE HERE ANYMORE. |
| 342 | I-I DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO TELL YOU, BUT YOU KNOW |
| 343 | EVERYBODY ELSE KNOWS. |
| 344 | EVERYBODY KNOWS? |
| 345 | THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A GOOD THING. |
| 346 | I FORGET WHY. |
| 347 | MONICA, I... |
| 348 | DO YOU KNOW... |
| 349 | I COULDN'T SLEEP FOR, LIKE, A MONTH |
| 350 | BECAUSE I GOT A DOT OF INK ON ONE OF THE SOFA CUSHIONS? |
| 351 | WELL, YOU COULD HAVE JUST TURNED THE CUSHION OVER. |
| 352 | EXCEPT I HAD A BIG SPAGHETTI STAIN ON THE OTHER SIDE. |
| 353 | WHAT?! |
| 354 | OKAY, THIS IS WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT-- THIS. |
| 355 | I NEED TO LIVE IN A LAND WHERE PEOPLE CAN SPILL. |
| 356 | WELL, YOU CAN SPILL... |
| 357 | IN THE SINK. |
| 358 | AW, HONEY, IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT, YOU KNOW. |
| 359 | THIS IS WHO YOU ARE |
| 360 | AND I LOVE YOU |
| 361 | AND I WANT US TO BE FRIENDS |
| 362 | AND IF I KEEP LIVING HERE |
| 363 | I DON'T SEE THAT HAPPENING. |
| 364 | I LOVE YOU TOO. |
| 365 | OH, GOOD. |
| 366 | HMM... |
| 367 | WHAT? |
| 368 | WHAT? I'M JUST SAD. |
| 369 | NO, YOU'RE WONDERING WHICH CUSHION IT IS. |
| 370 | Aah! |
| 371 | SO, UH... |
| 372 | WHAT ARE YOU WATCHING? |
| 373 | BAYWATCH. |
| 374 | ...move south towards the pier. |
| 375 | WHAT'S IT ABOUT? |
| 376 | UH... LIFEGUARDS. |
| 377 | WHAT? |
| 378 | WELL, IT SOUNDS KIND OF STUPID. |
| 379 | WHO'S SHE? |
| 380 | Joey: NICOLE EGGERT. |
| 381 | WE LIKE HER. |
| 382 | WOW, LOOK AT THEM RUN. |
| 383 | YEAH... |
| 384 | THEY DO THAT A LOT. |
| 385 | HEY, YOU WANT A BEER? |
| 386 | YEAH. I'LL GO GET ONE. |
| 387 | NO, NO, DON'T GET UP. |
| 388 | I GOT A COOLER RIGHT HERE. |
| 389 | ( chuckles ) |
| 390 | Chandler: HELLO. |
| 391 | HEY. |
| 392 | DO YOU HAVE ANY BEERS? |
| 393 | WE'RE OUT OF BEERS. |
| 394 | HELP YOURSELF. |
| 395 | YOU OKAY? |
| 396 | PHOEBE MOVED OUT. |
| 397 | RIGHT. |
| 398 | I DON'T UNDERSTAND. |
| 399 | AM I SO HARD TO LIVE WITH? |
| 400 | IS THIS WHY I DON'T HAVE A BOYFRIEND? |
| 401 | NO! YOU DON'T HAVE A BOYFRIEND BECAUSE... |
| 402 | I DON'T... I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU DON'T HAVE A BOYFRIEND. |
| 403 | YOU SHOULD HAVE A BOYFRIEND. |
| 404 | WELL, I THINK SO. |
| 405 | OH, COME HERE. |
| 406 | COME HERE. |
| 407 | LISTEN-- |
| 408 | YOU ARE ONE OF MY FAVORITE PEOPLE |
| 409 | AND THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN |
| 410 | I'VE EVER KNOWN IN REAL LIFE. |
| 411 | OH... |
| 412 | HI. |
| 413 | WHERE IS EVERYBODY? |
| 414 | OH, IT'S ALREADY CLOSED. |
| 415 | CHRIS GAVE ME THE KEYS TO LOCK UP. |
| 416 | WHAT IS WRONG? |
| 417 | MY MARRI... |
| 418 | I THINK MY MARRIAGE IS, UM... |
| 419 | IS KIND OF OVER. |
| 420 | OH, NO! WHY? |
| 421 | 'CAUSE CAROL'S A LESBIAN. |
| 422 | AND... AND I'M NOT ONE... |
| 423 | AND APPARENTLY, IT'S NOT A MIX-AND-MATCH SITUATION. |
| 424 | OH, MY GOD! |
| 425 | I DON'T BELIEVE IT! |
| 426 | OH, YOU POOR BUNNY. |
| 427 | I'M AN IDIOT. |
| 428 | I MEAN, I SHOULD HAVE SEEN IT. |
| 429 | I MEAN, CAROL AND I'D BE OUT |
| 430 | AND SHE'D SEE SOME BEAUTIFUL WOMAN, AND... |
| 431 | AND SHE'D BE, "ROSS, LOOK AT HER" |
| 432 | AND I'D THINK... |
| 433 | "GOD, MY WIFE IS COOL." |
| 434 | OH... |
| 435 | HEY, DO YOU THINK THAT SUSAN PERSON IS HER LOVER? |
| 436 | WELL, NOW I DO. |
| 437 | OH, GOD! |
| 438 | I'M SORRY. |
| 439 | ( gasping ) |
| 440 | SEVEN YEARS. |
| 441 | I MEAN... WE'VE BEEN TOGETHER SEVEN YEARS. |
| 442 | SHE'S THE ONLY WOMAN WHO'S EVER LOVED ME. |
| 443 | SHE'S THE ONLY WOMAN I-I'VE EVER... |
| 444 | OH, OH, ROSS. |
| 445 | OH... |
| 446 | MMM... THIS IS NICE. |
| 447 | I KNOW. IT IS, ISN'T IT? |
| 448 | NO, I MEAN IT. |
| 449 | THIS FEELS REALLY GOOD. |
| 450 | IS IT A HUNDRED PERCENT COTTON? |
| 451 | YEAH... |
| 452 | AND I GOT IT ON SALE TOO. |
| 453 | ANYWAY, I SHOULD GO. |
| 454 | ONE OF THE LIFEGUARDS |
| 455 | WAS JUST ABOUT TO DISMANTLE A NUCLEAR DEVICE. |
| 456 | WELL, IF YOU WANT TO GET A DRINK LATER, WE CAN. |
| 457 | THAT SOUNDS GREAT. OKAY. |
| 458 | OH, AND LISTEN, IT'S... IT'S GOING TO BE... |
| 459 | I KNOW. |
| 460 | THANKS. |
| 461 | MAYBE THIS WOULDN'T HAVE HAPPENED |
| 462 | IF I'D BEEN MORE NURTURING OR... |
| 463 | I'D PAID MORE ATTENTION OR I'D... |
| 464 | HAD A UTERUS. |
| 465 | I MEAN, I CAN'T BELIEVE IT. |
| 466 | NO, NO, YOU DON'T DESERVE THIS. |
| 467 | YOU DON'T. ROSS. YOU'RE-YOU'RE REALLY... |
| 468 | YOU'RE SO GOOD. |
| 469 | THANKS. |
| 470 | AND YOU'RE SO... SWEET AND... |
| 471 | THANKS. |
| 472 | YOU'RE KIND AND... |
| 473 | THANKS. |
| 474 | COME HERE. |
| 475 | WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. |
| 476 | HUH? |
| 477 | OKAY. IT'S OKAY. |
| 478 | ( gasps ) |
| 479 | OH! |
| 480 | ( both moaning ) |
| 481 | WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. |
| 482 | MY FOOT IS STUCK IN THE POCKET. |
| 483 | WHAT? |
| 484 | I CAN'T GET IT OUT. |
| 485 | WELL, THAT'S NOT SOMETHING A GIRL WANTS TO HEAR. |
| 486 | DON'T START. |
| 487 | OKAY. |
| 488 | OW. |
| 489 | WHAT? |
| 490 | STUPID BALLS ARE IN THE WAY. |
| 491 | ( chuckling ) |
| 492 | ( groans ) |
| 493 | OH, WELL. |
| 494 | IT PROBABLY WOULDN'T |
| 495 | HAVE BEEN THE MOST CONSTRUCTIVE SOLUTION. |
| 496 | YOU HAVE CHALK ON YOUR FACE. |
| 497 | OH, ROSS, YOU'RE RIGHT. |
| 498 | I DON'T KNOW WHY I ALWAYS THOUGHT |
| 499 | THIS WAS REAL GRASS. |
| 500 | HONEY, YOU OKAY? |
| 501 | MY WIFE'S A LESBIAN. |
| 502 | COOL! |
| 503 | ( grunts ) |
| 504 | ROSS, JOEY. |
| 505 | JOEY, ROSS. |
| 506 | HI. |
| 507 | HOW'S IT GOING? |
| 508 | HI. |
| 509 | I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU CAME BACK. |
| 510 | DON'T SAY ANYTHING. |
| 511 | I DON'T WANT TO SPEAK. |
| 512 | I DON'T WANT TO THINK. |
| 513 | I JUST WANT YOU TO TAKE ME |
| 514 | AND KISS ME AND MAKE LOVE TO ME |
| 515 | RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW. |
| 516 | ( "Time of the Season" plays ) |
| 517 | Woman: RACHEL..? RACHEL! |
| 518 | WHAT? |
| 519 | YOU MISSED THE EXIT. |
| 520 | OH. SORRY. |
| 521 | MY GOD, WHAT WERE YOU THINKING ABOUT? |
| 522 | ( clears throat ) |
| 523 | UM... BARRY. |
| 524 | AW... AW... |
| 525 | [ Captioned by The Caption Center WGBH Educational Foundation] |
| 526 | |
| 1 | SO I TOLD CARL |
| 2 | NOBODY, NO MATTER HOW FAMOUS |
| 3 | THEIR PARENTS ARE |
| 4 | NOBODY'S ALLOWED TO CLIMB ON THE DINOSAUR. |
| 5 | BUT OF COURSE... |
| 6 | Rachel: I LOVE HOW HE CARES SO MUCH ABOUT STUFF. |
| 7 | IF I SQUINT, I CAN PRETEND HE'S ALAN ALDA. |
| 8 | OH, GOOD. ANOTHER DINOSAUR STORY. |
| 9 | WHEN ARE THOSE GOING TO BECOME EXTINCT? |
| 10 | IF I WAS A SUPERHERO WHO COULD FLY AND BE INVISIBLE |
| 11 | THAT WOULD BE THE BEST. |
| 12 | WHAT DOES RACHEL SEE IN THIS GUY? |
| 13 | I LOVE RACHEL. |
| 14 | I WISH SHE WAS MY WIFE. |
| 15 | ( humming "The Elephant Walk" ) |
| 16 | WHO'S SINGING? |
| 17 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 18 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 19 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 20 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 21 | ♪ WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY ♪ |
| 22 | ♪ YOUR WEEK, YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 23 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 24 | ♪ WHEN THE RAIN STARTS TO POUR ♪ |
| 25 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 26 | ♪ LIKE I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE ♪ |
| 27 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 28 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME TOO. ♪ |
| 29 | HEY, WHEN YOU GUYS WERE KIDS |
| 30 | AND YOU PLAYED HAPPY DAYS, WHO WERE YOU? |
| 31 | I WAS ALWAYS RICHIE. |
| 32 | I WAS ALWAYS JOANIE. |
| 33 | QUESTION. |
| 34 | WAS "EGG THE GELLERS!" |
| 35 | THE WAR CRY OF YOUR NEIGHBORHOOD? |
| 36 | Phoebe: EW! EW! |
| 37 | IT'S THE MATTRESS KING. |
| 38 | DON'T LOOK, HONEY. CHANGE THE CHANNEL. |
| 39 | I WANT TO SEE THIS. |
| 40 | AFTER I DIVORCE HIM, HALF OF THAT KINGDOM |
| 41 | WILL BE MINE. |
| 42 | Despair fills the mattress showroom. |
| 43 | My kingdom is suddenly without a queen. |
| 44 | I'm so depressed, I'm going to slash... |
| 45 | my prices! |
| 46 | Check it out! |
| 47 | $599 for a Comfort King! |
| 48 | $499 for a pillow top queen set! |
| 49 | I'm going Medieval on prices! |
| 50 | WHAT A WANK. |
| 51 | OH, I CANNOT BELIEVE HE'S USING OUR DIVORCE |
| 52 | TO SELL MATTRESSES. |
| 53 | I KNOW. AT $499 FOR A PILLOW TOP QUEEN SET |
| 54 | WHO CARES ABOUT THE DIVORCE? |
| 55 | THOSE BABIES WILL SELL THEMSELVES. |
| 56 | ...always gives you a 30-day money-back guarantee... |
| 57 | I'M APPALLED FOR YOU, BY THE WAY. |
| 58 | You'll be glad you did. |
| 59 | I'm close. I'm cheap. |
| 60 | I'm the king. |
| 61 | OKAY. OKAY, DADDY. |
| 62 | WE'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW NIGHT. |
| 63 | OKAY, BYE-BYE. |
| 64 | "WE"? |
| 65 | ...ARE, UH, HAVING DINNER WITH MY DAD TOMORROW NIGHT. |
| 66 | I HOPE THAT'S OKAY. |
| 67 | OH, SHOOT. |
| 68 | TOMORROW'S NOT SO GOOD. |
| 69 | I'M SUPPOSED TO FALL OFF THE EMPIRE STATE BUILDING |
| 70 | AND LAND ON A BICYCLE WITH NO SEAT, SO... |
| 71 | ROSS, MY FATHER DOESN'T HATE YOU. |
| 72 | PLEASE. |
| 73 | HE REFERS TO ME AS "WET HEAD." |
| 74 | BUT, HONEY, HE CALLS EVERYBODY BY A NICKNAME. |
| 75 | OKAY, LOOK, JUST ONE DINNER. |
| 76 | PLEASE, ONE NIGHT FOR ME. |
| 77 | I JUST WANT HIM TO LOVE YOU LIKE I DO. |
| 78 | ALL RIGHT. WELL, NOT EXACTLY LIKE I DO. |
| 79 | BUT, IF YOU DO COME TO DINNER |
| 80 | I'D LOVE YOU LIKE I DO |
| 81 | IN THAT BLACK THING THAT YOU LIKE. |
| 82 | ( chuckles ) |
| 83 | I'LL GO. |
| 84 | FINE. |
| 85 | THANK YOU. |
| 86 | HI, GUNTHER. |
| 87 | YEAH. WE'LL SEE. |
| 88 | HEY, YOU GUYS. |
| 89 | HEY. |
| 90 | GUESS WHAT? |
| 91 | I GOT A GIG. |
| 92 | I CAN NEVER BE AN ACTOR. |
| 93 | I CAN'T SAY "GIG." |
| 94 | I CAN'T SAY "CROISSANT." |
| 95 | OH, MY GOD! |
| 96 | WHAT'S THE PART? |
| 97 | IT'S NOT A PART. |
| 98 | NO. I'M TEACHING ACTING FOR SOAP OPERAS |
| 99 | DOWN AT THE LEARNING EXTENSION. |
| 100 | THAT'S GREAT. |
| 101 | IT'S LIKE MY CHANCE |
| 102 | TO GIVE SOMETHING BACK TO THE ACTING COMMUNITY. |
| 103 | YOU KNOW, YOU'RE PROBABLY NOT ALLOWED TO SLEEP |
| 104 | WITH ANY OF YOUR STUDENTS. |
| 105 | I KNOW. |
| 106 | I DON'T KNOW, MONICA. |
| 107 | IT FEELS FUNNY JUST BEING HERE. |
| 108 | I MEAN, IF YOU BUY A BED FROM JANICE'S EX-HUSBAND |
| 109 | THAT'S LIKE BETRAYING CHANDLER. |
| 110 | NOT AT THESE PRICES. |
| 111 | HI. |
| 112 | IN ENGLAND, THIS CAR WOULD BE ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE STORE. |
| 113 | WHOOSH! |
| 114 | OHH... OHH... |
| 115 | PHOEBE, COME HERE. |
| 116 | OHH. THIS IS MY NEW BED. |
| 117 | YOU GOT TO FEEL THIS BAD BOY. |
| 118 | MONICA, IT STILL FEELS SO WEIRD, YOU KNOW. |
| 119 | CHANDLER'S YOUR FRIEND. |
| 120 | ( gasps ) |
| 121 | OH, MY GOD! |
| 122 | OHH. |
| 123 | ALL RIGHT, TAKE THIS BED. |
| 124 | YOU CAN MAKE OTHER FRIENDS. |
| 125 | GOOD EVENING. |
| 126 | I AM MR. TRIBBIANI... |
| 127 | AND I WILL BE TEACHING ACTING FOR SOAP OPERAS. |
| 128 | NOW, UM... |
| 129 | ON MY FIRST DAY AS DR. DRAKE RAMORAY |
| 130 | ON DAYS OF OUR LIVES... |
| 131 | UH, I LEARNED THAT ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT THINGS |
| 132 | IN SOAP OPERA ACTING IS REACTING. |
| 133 | THIS DOES NOT MEAN ACTING AGAIN. |
| 134 | IT MEANS YOU DON'T |
| 135 | HAVE A LINE, BUT SOMEONE ELSE DID |
| 136 | AND IT GOES SOMETHING LIKE THIS. |
| 137 | ( clears throat ) |
| 138 | ( gasps ) |
| 139 | THANKS. THANKS. |
| 140 | THANKS A LOT. |
| 141 | OH, BEFORE I FORGET, TO WORK IN SOAP OPERAS |
| 142 | SOME OF YOU WILL HAVE TO BECOME MUCH MORE ATTRACTIVE. |
| 143 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 144 | MOVING RIGHT ALONG... |
| 145 | HI. |
| 146 | HEY. |
| 147 | OOH! HOW WAS TEACHING LAST NIGHT? |
| 148 | GREAT! YOU GET TO SAY STUFF LIKE |
| 149 | "HEY, THE BELL DOESN'T DISMISS YOU. |
| 150 | I DISMISS YOU." |
| 151 | OHH. NICE. |
| 152 | OH, GUESS WHAT? |
| 153 | I GOT AN AUDITION FOR ALL MY CHILDREN. |
| 154 | OH, YAY! |
| 155 | IT'S THIS GREAT PART. |
| 156 | THIS BOXER NAMED NICK. |
| 157 | I'M SO, SO RIGHT FOR IT. |
| 158 | HE'S JUST LIKE ME, EXCEPT HE'S A BOXER |
| 159 | AND HE HAS AN EVIL TWIN. |
| 160 | ( banging on door ) |
| 161 | OH! |
| 162 | ♪ DUM-TA-DA-DUM ♪ |
| 163 | HEAR YE, HEAR YE. |
| 164 | DELIVERY FROM THE MATTRESS KING. |
| 165 | YOU MISS GELLER? |
| 166 | OKAY. |
| 167 | SIGN HERE. |
| 168 | OOH. DO I HAVE A MIDDLE NAME? |
| 169 | ALL RIGHT. MONICA FALOOLA... |
| 170 | GELLER. |
| 171 | IT'S THAT BEDROOM THERE. |
| 172 | HEY, MONICA BOUGHT A BED FROM THE MATTRESS KING? |
| 173 | YEAH. SO, PLEASE, PLEASE |
| 174 | PLEASE DON'T SAY ANYTHING TO CHANDLER. |
| 175 | YOU WANT ME TO LIE TO CHANDLER? |
| 176 | IS THAT A PROBLEM? |
| 177 | NO. |
| 178 | OH, HEY, HEY, NICK THE BOXER. |
| 179 | LET'S SEE WHAT YOU GOT. |
| 180 | PUT THEM UP, COME ON. |
| 181 | HEY... |
| 182 | YOU'RE PRETTY GOOD. |
| 183 | I HAD TO LEARN. |
| 184 | I WAS STAYING AT THE "Y." |
| 185 | SOME OF THE MEN WEREN'T ACTING CHRISTIAN. |
| 186 | OH. |
| 187 | HEY, NOW. HEY! |
| 188 | OW! |
| 189 | AND I'M BLEEDING. |
| 190 | OKAY, GREAT. |
| 191 | WOW! AND I'M A VEGETARIAN. |
| 192 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 193 | WELL, I'M SORRY. |
| 194 | WE'LL PUT SOME ICE ON IT. |
| 195 | PUT YOUR HEAD BACK. |
| 196 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 197 | I CAN'T SEE. |
| 198 | I HAVE YOU. |
| 199 | OH, GOD. |
| 200 | Delivery man: WHICH BEDROOM DO YOU WANT IT IN? |
| 201 | THE COMPULSIVELY NEAT ONE |
| 202 | BY THE WINDOW, OKAY? |
| 203 | GOTCHA. |
| 204 | HI, DADDY. |
| 205 | THIS IS WHERE THEY PUT US? |
| 206 | WHAT? THERE WAS NO TABLE AVAILABLE IN THE KITCHEN? |
| 207 | OH. HI, DADDY. |
| 208 | HELLO, BABY. |
| 209 | YOU REMEMBER ROSS? |
| 210 | NICE TO SEE YOU, DR. GREEN. |
| 211 | SO! |
| 212 | HOW'S THE LIBRARY? |
| 213 | UH, MUSEUM. |
| 214 | WHAT HAPPENED TO THE LIBRARY? |
| 215 | THERE NEVER WAS A LIBRARY. |
| 216 | I MEAN, THERE ARE LIBRARIES. |
| 217 | UM... I'VE NEVER WORKED AT ONE. |
| 218 | YOU KNOW WHAT'S REALLY GOOD HERE? |
| 219 | THE LOBSTER. |
| 220 | SHALL I JUST ORDER THREE? |
| 221 | YEAH, IF YOU'RE REALLY HUNGRY. |
| 222 | IT WAS A JO... I MADE A JOKE. |
| 223 | YEAH. ACTUALLY, DADDY... |
| 224 | ROSS IS ALLERGIC TO LOBSTER. |
| 225 | WHAT KIND OF PERSON'S ALLERGIC TO LOBSTER? |
| 226 | THE KIND OF PERSON |
| 227 | THAT WORKS IN A LIBRARY. |
| 228 | IT'S NOT A LI... |
| 229 | I KNOW. IT'S A MUSEUM. |
| 230 | YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN MAKE A JOKE? |
| 231 | UHH... WAITER. |
| 232 | WE WILL HAVE TWO LOBSTERS AND A MENU. |
| 233 | SO, DR. GREEN, HOW'S THE OLD BOAT? |
| 234 | THEY FOUND RUST. |
| 235 | YOU KNOW WHAT RUST DOES TO A BOAT? |
| 236 | GIVES IT A NICE, ANTIQUE-Y LOOK? |
| 237 | RUST IS BOAT CANCER, ROSS. |
| 238 | WELL, I'M SORRY. |
| 239 | WHEN I WAS A KID, I LOST A BIKE TO THAT. |
| 240 | I WANT TO SAY GOOD NIGHT TO THE LEVINES BEFORE WE GO. |
| 241 | OKAY. |
| 242 | HONEY, STOP. |
| 243 | IT'S NOT THAT BAD. |
| 244 | YEAH. |
| 245 | UH-OH. |
| 246 | I THINK YOUR DAD MUST HAVE ADDED WRONG. |
| 247 | HE ONLY TIPPED, LIKE, FOUR PERCENT. |
| 248 | YEAH. THAT'S DADDY. |
| 249 | THAT'S DADDY? |
| 250 | DOESN'T IT BOTHER YOU? |
| 251 | YOU'RE A WAITRESS. |
| 252 | YES. IT BOTHERS ME, ROSS |
| 253 | BUT, YOU KNOW, IF HE WAS A REGULAR |
| 254 | AT THE COFFEE HOUSE, I'D BE SERVING HIM "SNEEZERS." |
| 255 | SO? |
| 256 | SO, ROSS |
| 257 | I BUGGED HIM A MILLION TIMES. |
| 258 | HE WON'T CHANGE. |
| 259 | DO YOU REALLY SERVE PEOPLE "SNEEZERS"? |
| 260 | WELL, UM, I DON'T. |
| 261 | ALL RIGHT, KIDS |
| 262 | YOU READY? |
| 263 | THANKS AGAIN, DR. GREEN. |
| 264 | WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. |
| 265 | I THINK I FORGOT MY RECEIPT... |
| 266 | YOU DON'T NEED THAT. |
| 267 | WHY NOT? |
| 268 | THE CARBON-- IT'S MESSY. |
| 269 | I MEAN, GETS ON YOUR FINGERS |
| 270 | AND CAUSES THE, THE... NIGHT BLINDNESS. |
| 271 | WHAT IS THIS? |
| 272 | WHO PUT A 20 THERE? |
| 273 | HUH? |
| 274 | OH, THAT WOULD BE ME. |
| 275 | UM, I HAVE A PROBLEM. |
| 276 | I TIP WAY TOO MUCH. |
| 277 | IT'S A SICKNESS, REALLY. |
| 278 | YEAH. IT IS. |
| 279 | 'CAUSE WE REALLY |
| 280 | HAVE TO DO... |
| 281 | EXCUSE ME. |
| 282 | YOU THINK I'M CHEAP? |
| 283 | OH, DADDY, HE DIDN'T MEAN... |
| 284 | HUH? |
| 285 | HE REALLY DIDN'T. |
| 286 | NOTHING I DO MEANS ANYTHING, REALLY. |
| 287 | THIS IS NICE. |
| 288 | I PAY $200 FOR DINNER, YOU PUT DOWN 20 |
| 289 | AND YOU COME OUT LOOKING LIKE MR. BIG SHOT. |
| 290 | YOU REALLY WANT TO BE MR. BIG SHOT? |
| 291 | I'LL TELL YOU WHAT. |
| 292 | YOU PAY THE WHOLE BILL, MR. BIG SHOT. |
| 293 | WELL, "MR. BIG SHOT" IS BETTER THAN "WET HEAD." |
| 294 | OKAY. SOME TRICKS OF THE TRADE. |
| 295 | NOW, I'VE NEVER BEEN ABLE TO CRY AS AN ACTOR. |
| 296 | SO, IF I'M IN A SCENE WHERE I HAVE TO CRY |
| 297 | I CUT A HOLE IN MY POCKET, TAKE A PAIR OF TWEEZERS... |
| 298 | AND JUST START PULLING. |
| 299 | OKAY? |
| 300 | OR, UH, LET'S SAY I WANT TO CONVEY |
| 301 | THAT I'VE JUST DONE SOMETHING EVIL. |
| 302 | THAT WOULD BE YOUR BASIC |
| 303 | "I'VE GOT A FISHHOOK IN MY EYEBROW" |
| 304 | AND I, LIKE... |
| 305 | HMM? OKAY. |
| 306 | LET'S SAY I'VE JUST GOTTEN BAD NEWS. |
| 307 | WELL, ALL I DO THERE |
| 308 | IS TRY AND DIVIDE 232 BY 13. |
| 309 | AND THAT'S HOW IT'S DONE. |
| 310 | GREAT SOAP OPERA ACTING TONIGHT, EVERYBODY. |
| 311 | CLASS DISMISSED. |
| 312 | HEY, MR. TRIB. |
| 313 | GUESS WHAT? |
| 314 | I GOT AN AUDITION! |
| 315 | OH. ONE OF MY STUDENTS GOT AN AUDITION. |
| 316 | I'M SO PROUD. |
| 317 | I WAS WONDERING IF YOU WOULD CONSIDER |
| 318 | COACHING ME FOR IT? |
| 319 | YOU BET. |
| 320 | WHAT'S THE PART? |
| 321 | OH, IT'S GREAT. |
| 322 | IT'S A ROLE IN ALL MY CHILDREN. |
| 323 | NICK THE BOXER. |
| 324 | YOU COULDN'T JUST LEAVE IT ALONE. |
| 325 | FOUR PERCENT, OKAY? |
| 326 | I TIP MORE THAN THAT |
| 327 | WHEN THERE'S A BUG IN MY FOOD. |
| 328 | ROSS, TONIGHT WAS ABOUT THE TWO OF YOU GETTING ALONG. |
| 329 | ( groaning ) |
| 330 | WOULD YOU SEE MY CHIROPRACTOR? |
| 331 | YEAH, I'M GOING TO GO TO A DOCTOR |
| 332 | WHO WENT TO MEDICAL SCHOOL IN A MINI-MALL. |
| 333 | HEY, PHEEBS. |
| 334 | WHAT ARE YOU DOING? |
| 335 | I... I'M FREAKING OUT. |
| 336 | MONICA KIND OF TRUSTED ME WITH SOMETHING |
| 337 | AND SHE SHOULDN'T HAVE. |
| 338 | I HAVEN'T LIVED HERE IN A WHILE, SO I HAVE TO ASK. |
| 339 | DOES MONICA STILL TURN THE LIGHTS ON IN HER BEDROOM? |
| 340 | YEAH. |
| 341 | I AM SO DEAD. |
| 342 | ALL RIGHT, LOOK, HERE'S THE BOTTOM LINE, ROSS. |
| 343 | THIS IS FIXABLE IF WE ACT FAST, OKAY? |
| 344 | I'LL INVITE HIM TO BRUNCH AND YOU CAN MAKE NICE. |
| 345 | LOOK, HONEY, I HAVE TRIED TO MAKE NICE. |
| 346 | IT DOESN'T WORK. |
| 347 | LOOK, I REALIZE THAT MY FATHER IS DIFFICULT |
| 348 | BUT THAT'S WHY YOU HAVE GOT TO BE |
| 349 | THE BIGGER MAN HERE. |
| 350 | LOOK, SWEETIE, I COULD BE THE BIGGER MAN. |
| 351 | I COULD BE THE BIGGEST MAN. |
| 352 | I COULD BE A GIANT MAN. |
| 353 | IT WOULDN'T MAKE ANY DIFFERENCE |
| 354 | EXCEPT THAT I COULD PICK YOUR FATHER UP |
| 355 | AND SAY, "LIKE ME, TINY DOCTOR." |
| 356 | OKAY, WELL, CAN'T YOU JUST TRY IT |
| 357 | ONE MORE TIME, ROSS? FOR ME. FOR ME. |
| 358 | RACHEL, ONE BRUNCH IS NOT GOING TO SOLVE ANYTHING. |
| 359 | YOU'VE GOT TO FACE IT, WE'LL NEVER GET ALONG. |
| 360 | YOU HAVE TO, BECAUSE I'VE ALREADY GOT |
| 361 | A MOTHER AND A FATHER |
| 362 | WHO CANNOT STAY IN THE SAME ROOM TOGETHER. |
| 363 | I DON'T WANT A SEPARATE ROOM FOR YOU TOO. |
| 364 | OKAY, OKAY, OKAY. |
| 365 | I'LL GET THE BAGELS. |
| 366 | WHAT'S THIS? |
| 367 | ISN'T IT COOL? VROOM! VROOM! |
| 368 | THIS IS NOT THE BED I ORDERED. |
| 369 | I KNOW. YOU MUST HAVE WON A CONTEST OR SOMETHING. |
| 370 | ( imitating racing engine ) |
| 371 | PHOEBE. |
| 372 | ( imitating braking ) |
| 373 | WHY IS THIS CAR IN MY BEDROOM? |
| 374 | I'M SORRY, OKAY? I WASN'T LOOKING |
| 375 | AND THE STORE SAID THEY WON'T TAKE IT BACK |
| 376 | BECAUSE YOU SIGNED FOR IT. |
| 377 | WHEN DID I SIGN FOR IT? |
| 378 | WHEN I WAS YOU. |
| 379 | IT'S ALL JOEY'S FAULT BECAUSE HE LEFT HIS NOSE OPEN. |
| 380 | DID YOU MAKE BROWNIES TODAY? |
| 381 | Chandler: KNOCK, KNOCK. |
| 382 | QUICK, TAKE OFF YOUR DRESS. HE WON'T NOTICE THE BED. |
| 383 | HEY, I'M GOING FOR SUSHI. |
| 384 | DOES ANYBODY WANT, UH... |
| 385 | ( chuckling ) |
| 386 | WHOA, SOMEBODY MISSED THE OFF RAMP. |
| 387 | IT'S MONICA'S BED. |
| 388 | WHAT? |
| 389 | OKAY. |
| 390 | IT'S A RACE CAR. |
| 391 | SO, THIS HAS ALWAYS BEEN MONICA'S BED. |
| 392 | YOU'RE JUST NOTICING NOW? |
| 393 | HOW SELF-INVOLVED ARE YOU? |
| 394 | OKAY, WELL, IF THIS BED ISN'T NEW |
| 395 | THEN HOW COME THERE'S PLASTIC ON THE MATTRESS? |
| 396 | SOMETIMES, I HAVE BAD DREAMS. |
| 397 | LOOK... |
| 398 | I JUST SAW MY BEST FRIEND'S BRAINS |
| 399 | SMEARED ACROSS THE CANVAS. |
| 400 | IT'S NOT GOING TO BE ME. |
| 401 | NOT ME. |
| 402 | ( shuddering gasp ) |
| 403 | WOW. |
| 404 | THAT... THAT... THAT WAS GOOD. THAT WAS... |
| 405 | TWEEZERS? |
| 406 | NO. |
| 407 | OH, WOW. |
| 408 | THAT WAS REALLY GOOD. |
| 409 | THANKS. |
| 410 | ANY SUGGESTIONS? |
| 411 | HMM, I... |
| 412 | YOU TOLD HIM TO PLAY THE BOXER GAY?! |
| 413 | WELL, I-I MIGHT HAVE SAID "SUPER GAY." |
| 414 | YOU TOTALLY SCREWED HIM OVER. |
| 415 | JOEY, YOU'RE THIS GUY'S TEACHER. |
| 416 | HOW COULD YOU DO THIS? |
| 417 | BECAUSE, MONICA, THE GUY'S SO GOOD |
| 418 | AND I REALLY, REALLY WANT THIS PART. |
| 419 | WELL, IF YOU REALLY, REALLY WANT IT, THEN IT'S OKAY. |
| 420 | HI, DADDY. |
| 421 | BABY. |
| 422 | ROSS. |
| 423 | DR. GREEN, HOW ARE YOU? |
| 424 | THANKS FOR DINNER LAST NIGHT. |
| 425 | THANK YOU FOR TEACHING ME A VALUABLE LESSON. |
| 426 | NICE HAIR. |
| 427 | WHAT DID YOU DO, SWIM HERE? |
| 428 | OKAY, THAT'S IT. |
| 429 | I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE. |
| 430 | WHAT? HE'S INTERESTED IN YOU. |
| 431 | HE LIKES YOUR HAIR AND HE JUST WANTS TO KNOW HOW YOU GOT HERE. |
| 432 | SWEETIE, IT'S HOPELESS, OKAY? |
| 433 | I'M JUST GOING TO GO. WHAT? ROSS... |
| 434 | LOOK, I'M SORRY. IT'S JUST... |
| 435 | ROSS, WHAT'S WITH THE NECK? |
| 436 | HE'S GOT THIS THING. |
| 437 | I TELL HIM TO GO TO MY CHIROPRACTOR. |
| 438 | YOU'RE STILL GOING TO THAT CHIROPRACTOR? |
| 439 | THAT MAN COULDN'T GET INTO MED SCHOOL IN IXTAPA. |
| 440 | YEAH, THANK YOU. |
| 441 | THAT'S WHAT I KEEP SAYING. |
| 442 | EXCUSE ME. DR. BOBBY HAPPENS TO BE AN EXCELLENT DOCTOR. |
| 443 | WAIT A MINUTE. |
| 444 | HIS NAME IS DR. BOBBY? |
| 445 | WELL, THAT'S HIS LAST NAME. |
| 446 | AND HIS FIRST NAME. |
| 447 | HE'S BOBBY BOBBY? |
| 448 | ( clearing throat ) |
| 449 | IT'S ROBERT BOBBY. |
| 450 | OH-HO. |
| 451 | AND UM, EXCUSE ME. HE HELPS ME. |
| 452 | OH, PLEASE. ASK HER HOW. |
| 453 | WHAT DO YOU NEED HELP FOR? |
| 454 | MY ALIGNMENT. I'VE GOT ONE LEG SHORTER THAN THE OTHER. |
| 455 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 456 | YEAH. ARGUE WITH THAT. |
| 457 | IT'S TRUE. MY RIGHT LEG IS TWO INCHES SHORTER. |
| 458 | COME ON, YOU'RE JUST TILTING. |
| 459 | HER LEGS ARE FINE. |
| 460 | I KNOW THAT. |
| 461 | WHY LET HER GO TO A CHIROPRACTOR? |
| 462 | I'M SORRY. "LET HER"? |
| 463 | SHE DOESN'T LISTEN TO ME ABOUT RENTER'S INSURANCE, EITHER. |
| 464 | WAIT A MINUTE. |
| 465 | YOU DON'T HAVE RENTER'S INSURANCE? |
| 466 | NO. |
| 467 | WELL, WHAT IF SOMEBODY STEALS SOMETHING? |
| 468 | HOW YOU GOING TO RUN AFTER THEM WITH |
| 469 | ONE LEG SHORTER THAN THE OTHER? |
| 470 | ( laughing ) |
| 471 | HEY, WOULD YOU, UH, LIKE SOME JUICE? |
| 472 | I'D LOVE SOME JUICE, THANK YOU. |
| 473 | OKAY. |
| 474 | WOW. THIS IS GOING SO WELL. |
| 475 | DID YOU SEE US? |
| 476 | YEAH, HONEY, I WAS STANDING RIGHT THERE. |
| 477 | WHY DON'T YOU JUST TELL HIM ABOUT THE MOLE |
| 478 | I HAVEN'T GOTTEN CHECKED YET? |
| 479 | EXCELLENT. |
| 480 | THERE WILL COME A TIME IN EACH OF YOUR CAREERS |
| 481 | WHEN YOU'LL HAVE A CHANCE |
| 482 | TO SCREW OVER ANOTHER SOAP OPERA ACTOR. |
| 483 | I HAD SUCH AN OPPORTUNITY IN THE RECENT PRESENT. |
| 484 | AND I'M ASHAMED TO SAY THAT I TOOK IT. |
| 485 | I ADVISED A FELLOW ACTOR TO PLAY A ROLE... |
| 486 | HOMOSEXUALLY. |
| 487 | YEAH. |
| 488 | WE BOTH AUDITIONED FOR THE PART |
| 489 | AND, UH... AS IT TURNED OUT... |
| 490 | THEY, UH... |
| 491 | ( voice breaking ): THEY LIKED THE STUPID GAY THING AND CAST HIM. |
| 492 | AND NOW... |
| 493 | HE'S GOT A TWO YEAR CONTRACT OPPOSITE... |
| 494 | SUSAN LUCCI, THE FIRST LADY OF DAYTIME TELEVISION. |
| 495 | AND ME... |
| 496 | ME, I'M STUCK HERE TEACHING A BUNCH OF PEOPLE |
| 497 | MOST OF WHOM ARE TOO UGLY TO EVEN BE ON TV. |
| 498 | I'M SORRY. I'M SORRY. I'M SORRY. |
| 499 | THANK YOU. |
| 500 | Man: MAY I HELP YOU? |
| 501 | WE SPOKE ON THE PHONE. |
| 502 | I'M THE LADY WHO GOT STUCK WITH THE RACE CAR BED. |
| 503 | LOOK, IT'S LIKE I TOLD YOU. |
| 504 | THERE'S NOTHING I CAN DO. |
| 505 | YOU SIGNED FOR IT. |
| 506 | "MONICA FALOOLA GELLER." |
| 507 | ALL RIGHT, JESTER MAN, WE WANT TO SEE THE KING. |
| 508 | NOBODY SEES THE KING. |
| 509 | OKAY, I'M TALKING TO THE KING. |
| 510 | HEY, YOU CAN'T GO BACK THERE. |
| 511 | OHH... MY... GOD. |
| 512 | ( imitates racing engine ) |
| 513 | HEY! WATCH IT, LADY! |
| 514 | ( imitates racing engine ) |
| 515 | ( imitates braking ) |
| 516 | HEY, HEY, GOOD-LOOKIN'. |
| 517 | ( toy horn honking ) |
| 518 | ( imitates racing engine ) |
| 519 | ALL RIGHT, I'LL LEAVE. |
| 520 | MY BED'S SO BORING. |
| 521 | [Captioned by The Caption Center WGBH Educational Foundation] |
| 522 | |
| 1 | WHO WANTS ONE OF MY SPECIAL HOMEMADE BROWNIES? |
| 2 | Both: I WILL HAVE ONE. |
| 3 | OH! OH! |
| 4 | I'M NOT GOING TO HAVE ONE. THAT'S OKAY. |
| 5 | NO, NO, IT'S JUST MY TOOTH. |
| 6 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 7 | I'LL HAVE ONE. |
| 8 | SO WHAT'S THE MATTER, YOU NEED A DENTIST? |
| 9 | I'VE GOT A GOOD ONE. |
| 10 | THANKS. I HAVE A GOOD ONE TOO. |
| 11 | I JUST... I CAN'T SEE HIM. |
| 12 | SEE, THAT IS THE PROBLEM |
| 13 | WITH INVISIBLE DENTISTS. |
| 14 | WHY CAN'T YOU GO TO HIM? |
| 15 | BECAUSE... EVERY TIME I GO TO THE DENTIST |
| 16 | SOMEBODY DIES. |
| 17 | THAT IS SO WEIRD |
| 18 | BECAUSE EVERY TIME I GO TO THE DENTIST |
| 19 | I LOOK DOWN THE HYGIENIST'S BLOUSE. |
| 20 | Rachel: PHOEBE... |
| 21 | WHAT, UM... WHAT? |
| 22 | YEAH. FIRST THERE WAS MY AUNT MARY |
| 23 | AND THEN THERE WAS JOHN, MY MAILMAN |
| 24 | AND THEN MY COWBOY FRIEND, ALBINO BOB. |
| 25 | AND ALL OF THESE PEOPLE ACTUALLY DIED? |
| 26 | YES. WHILE I WAS IN THE CHAIR. |
| 27 | THAT'S WHY I TAKE SUCH GOOD CARE OF MY TEETH NOW. |
| 28 | IT'S NOT ABOUT ORAL HYGIENE. |
| 29 | I FLOSS TO SAVE LIVES. |
| 30 | PHEEBS, COME ON. |
| 31 | YOU DIDN'T KILL ANYBODY. |
| 32 | THESE PEOPLE JUST HAPPENED TO DIE |
| 33 | WHEN YOU WENT TO THE DENTIST. |
| 34 | IT'S JUST A COINCIDENCE. |
| 35 | WELL, TELL THAT TO THEM. |
| 36 | OH, YOU CAN'T! THEY'RE DEAD! |
| 37 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 38 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 39 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 40 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 41 | ♪ WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY ♪ |
| 42 | ♪ YOUR WEEK, YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 43 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 44 | ♪ WHEN THE RAIN STARTS TO POUR ♪ |
| 45 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 46 | ♪ LIKE I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE ♪ |
| 47 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 48 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME TOO. ♪ |
| 49 | THANKS, GUNTHER. |
| 50 | COULD I GET A NAPKIN TOO? |
| 51 | OH, LIKE YOU DON'T ALREADY HAVE EVERYTHING. |
| 52 | OW! OW! |
| 53 | Rachel: PHOEBE, YOU'RE IN PAIN. |
| 54 | WOULD YOU JUST GO TO THE DENTIST? |
| 55 | JUST GO. |
| 56 | ALL RIGHT, FINE, FINE |
| 57 | BUT IF YOU'RE MY NEXT VICTIM |
| 58 | DON'T COME BACK AS A POLTERGEIST WHO SUCKS ME INTO THE TV. |
| 59 | I PROMISE. |
| 60 | ALTHOUGH DON'T FEEL LIKE YOU CAN'T VISIT. |
| 61 | HEY, IS CHANDLER HERE? |
| 62 | NO. NO, HE'S NOT. |
| 63 | YOU GUYS, JOEY JUST SAW JANICE |
| 64 | KISSING HER EX-HUSBAND. |
| 65 | OH! WHAT? |
| 66 | WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO? |
| 67 | HOW ARE YOU GOING TO TELL CHANDLER? |
| 68 | I WAS THINKING ABOUT THAT |
| 69 | AND I THINK THE BEST WAY WOULD BE... TO NOT. |
| 70 | Rachel: JOEY, YOU CAN'T |
| 71 | KEEP THIS TO YOURSELF. |
| 72 | YOU HAVE TO TELL HIM. |
| 73 | IT'LL KILL HIM. I MEAN, IT'LL JUST KILL HIM. |
| 74 | WELL, YOU COULD WAIT TILL I GO TO THE DENTIST. |
| 75 | MAYBE I'LL KILL HIM. |
| 76 | OOH! UGLY NAKED GUY |
| 77 | IS USING HIS NEW HAMMOCK. |
| 78 | IT'S LIKE A PLAY-DOH FAT FACTORY. |
| 79 | WELL, I'M GOING TO THE DENTIST |
| 80 | SO LISTEN, OKAY? |
| 81 | JUST BE ON THE LOOKOUT |
| 82 | FOR ANYTHING THAT-THAT-THAT YOU COULD FALL INTO |
| 83 | OR THAT CAN FALL ON YOU |
| 84 | OR... |
| 85 | OR JUST LOOK OUT! |
| 86 | OKAY, AND, UM... |
| 87 | I ALSO JUST WANT TO... |
| 88 | I JUST WANT TO TELL YOU ALL THAT, UM... |
| 89 | ( crying ) |
| 90 | OKAY, I HAVE A PROBLEM. |
| 91 | I HAVE TO GO IN TO WORK FOR A FEW HOURS. |
| 92 | SOME KIDS MESSED UP THE HOMO SAPIEN DISPLAY. |
| 93 | WHAT DID THEY DO? |
| 94 | WELL, THEY PAINTED OVER THE WORD "SAPIEN," FOR ONE THING. |
| 95 | THEN THEY... |
| 96 | REARRANGED THE FIGURES. |
| 97 | LET'S JUST LEAVE IT AT THAT. |
| 98 | DO YOU WANT ME TO WATCH BEN FOR YOU? |
| 99 | THAT'S WHAT I WAS GOING TO ASK. THANK YOU. |
| 100 | HELLO? WHAT ABOUT ME? |
| 101 | YOU... YOU WANT TO WATCH BEN. |
| 102 | YES... THAT WOULD BE GREAT. |
| 103 | I JUST ASKED MONICA |
| 104 | BECAUSE I KNOW HOW EMPTY HER LIFE IS. |
| 105 | HEY, ROSS, I GOT A SCIENCE QUESTION. |
| 106 | IF THE HOMO SAPIENS WERE, IN FACT, HOMO SAPIENS... |
| 107 | ALL RIGHT? |
| 108 | IS THAT WHY THEY'RE EXTINCT? |
| 109 | JOEY, HOMO SAPIENS ARE PEOPLE. |
| 110 | HEY, I'M NOT JUDGING. |
| 111 | I'M JUST ASKING. |
| 112 | LOOK, BENNY. SPOON. |
| 113 | SPOON. |
| 114 | COME ON. |
| 115 | ALL RIGHT, YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 116 | I THINK HE'S BORED. |
| 117 | HERE. BEN, YOU WANT TO PLAY THE AIRPLANE GAME? |
| 118 | YOU WANT TO SHOW RACHEL? |
| 119 | COME HERE. YOU WANT TO DO SOMETHING FUN? |
| 120 | OKAY... WHEE! |
| 121 | OH! |
| 122 | WHEE! |
| 123 | OH... WHEE! |
| 124 | ( thud ) |
| 125 | YOU'RE SO BRAVE. |
| 126 | YOU'RE SO BRAVE. YES, YOU ARE. |
| 127 | YOU'RE SO BRAVE. |
| 128 | OKAY. |
| 129 | HONEY, HE'S FINE. |
| 130 | LET'S JUST PUT HIM DOWN. |
| 131 | COME HERE, BABE. THAT'S A GOOD BOY. |
| 132 | HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO HIM?! |
| 133 | ROSS TRUSTED ME. WHAT IS HE GOING TO SAY?! |
| 134 | HE WON'T SAY ANYTHING BECAUSE WE WON'T TELL. |
| 135 | WE'RE NOT? NO, WE'RE NOT. |
| 136 | ALL RIGHT, I LIKE THAT. |
| 137 | OKAY. |
| 138 | OKAY, SO WE'RE OKAY. |
| 139 | WE'RE OKAY, AREN'T WE? |
| 140 | NO, WE'RE NOT OKAY. THERE'S A BUMP. |
| 141 | WHAT BUMP? |
| 142 | LOOK, THERE'S A BUMP. |
| 143 | OH, MY GOD. WELL, PUSH IT IN! |
| 144 | I CANNOT PUSH IT IN! |
| 145 | OKAY, WE'RE GOING TO NEED A DISTRACTION. |
| 146 | OKAY. |
| 147 | THAT'S IT. |
| 148 | I GOT IT! OKAY. |
| 149 | THE SECOND ROSS WALKS IN, I WANT YOU TO TAKE HIM BACK |
| 150 | TO YOUR BEDROOM AND YOU DO WHATEVER IT IS |
| 151 | THAT MAKES HIM GO, "REEE!" |
| 152 | OR... |
| 153 | WE COULD PUT A HAT ON HIS HEAD. |
| 154 | A HAT! YES! |
| 155 | WE NEED A HAT. |
| 156 | WE NEED A HAT. |
| 157 | WHERE DO WE FIND A TINY HAT? |
| 158 | OH, OH, OH! |
| 159 | I'LL GET RAINY DAY BEAR! |
| 160 | BECAUSE HE'LL KNOW WHAT TO DO? |
| 161 | OH, MY GOD, YOU'RE A GENIUS! |
| 162 | OH, GOD. IT'S KIND OF SEWN ON, THOUGH. |
| 163 | GIVE IT, GIVE IT! |
| 164 | OH! OH! |
| 165 | OH, IT'S JUST LIKE A BLOODBATH IN HERE TODAY. |
| 166 | HEY, HOLD ON A SECOND. HOLD ON A SECOND. |
| 167 | DO YOU THINK THESE PEARLS ARE NICE? |
| 168 | I'D REALLY PREFER A MOUNTAIN BIKE. |
| 169 | JANICE'S BIRTHDAY IS COMING UP. |
| 170 | I WANT TO GET HER SOMETHING SPECIAL. |
| 171 | COME IN HERE WITH ME. |
| 172 | WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WAIT. WHOA. |
| 173 | YOU, UH... YOU WANT TO GET HER SOMETHING SPECIAL |
| 174 | GET HER FLOWERS, GET HER CANDY. |
| 175 | GET HER GUM. GIRLS LOVE GUM. |
| 176 | THAT'S A GOOD IDEA. |
| 177 | "DEAR JANICE, HAVE A HUBBA BUBBA BIRTHDAY." |
| 178 | I WOULD LIKE TO GET HER SOMETHING SERIOUS. |
| 179 | OH, YOU WANT SOMETHING SERIOUS. |
| 180 | YOU KNOW WHAT YOU SHOULD DO |
| 181 | YOU SHOULD GET HER ONE OF THOSE, UM... |
| 182 | BARIUM ENEMAS. |
| 183 | THOSE ARE DEAD SERIOUS. |
| 184 | ALL RIGHT, LOOK, I'M GOING TO GO IN HERE |
| 185 | AND YOU DON'T BUY ME ANYTHING EVER. |
| 186 | NO, NO, YOU CAN'T! YOU CAN'T, OKAY? YOU CAN'T. |
| 187 | YOU CAN'T BUY HER PEARLS. YOU JUST CAN'T. YOU CAN'T. |
| 188 | WHY NOT? |
| 189 | OH, GOD. UH... OKAY. |
| 190 | HERE'S THE THING... |
| 191 | ( clears throat ) |
| 192 | THIS IS THE THING... |
| 193 | OKAY, THE THING IS... |
| 194 | WHAT IS THE THING? OKAY. |
| 195 | I WENT DOWN TO THE MATTRESS KING SHOWROOM AND... |
| 196 | AND I SAW JANICE KISSING HER EX-HUSBAND. |
| 197 | WHAT? |
| 198 | THEY WERE IN HIS OFFICE. |
| 199 | WELL, SHE... SHE WOULDN'T DO THAT. |
| 200 | SHE'S-SHE'S WITH ME. |
| 201 | I'M TELLING YOU, MAN, I SAW IT. |
| 202 | WELL, YOU'RE WRONG, OKAY? YOU'RE WRONG. |
| 203 | I'M NOT WRONG. |
| 204 | I WISH I WAS. |
| 205 | I'M SORRY. |
| 206 | I BET THAT BARIUM ENEMA |
| 207 | DOESN'T SOUND SO BAD NOW, HUH? |
| 208 | IT JUST MAKES MORE SENSE AS AN ENSEMBLE. |
| 209 | BESIDES, IT TAKES |
| 210 | THE FOCUS OFF THE HAT. |
| 211 | ( knocking ) |
| 212 | NO... OH! |
| 213 | YOU'RE ALIVE, YOU'RE ALIVE! |
| 214 | SEE, PHEEBS? |
| 215 | I PROMISED YOU NO ONE WOULD DIE. |
| 216 | WE'LL SEE ABOUT THAT. CAN I USE YOUR PHONE? |
| 217 | I WANT TO CALL EVERYONE I KNOW. |
| 218 | SURE. WE HAVE NO MONEY. |
| 219 | GO AHEAD. |
| 220 | HEY, YOU'RE NOT DEAD! |
| 221 | OKAY, SEE YOU. |
| 222 | MONKA. |
| 223 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 224 | HE JUST SAID MY NAME. |
| 225 | DID YOU HEAR? |
| 226 | YEAH. |
| 227 | MONKA BANG. |
| 228 | ( clears throat ) |
| 229 | OKAY, I HEARD THAT. |
| 230 | DID HE JUST SAY "MONICA BANG"? |
| 231 | UH-HUH. |
| 232 | OH, MY GOD! HE'S GOING TO RAT ME OUT! |
| 233 | MONKA BANG. |
| 234 | ( chuckling ): OH! |
| 235 | SWEETIE! SWEETIE, YOU NEED TO STOP SAYING THAT, NOW. |
| 236 | THAT'S NO BIG DEAL. |
| 237 | IT'S NOT EVEN WORTH MENTIONING. |
| 238 | YOU SEE, WE ALL DO IT ALL THE TIME. |
| 239 | SEE? WATCH THIS. |
| 240 | BEN! BEN! BEN! |
| 241 | OW! MONICA BANG. |
| 242 | EVERYBODY BANG. |
| 243 | BEN BANG. |
| 244 | RACHEL BANG. |
| 245 | BANG, RACHEL. BANG! |
| 246 | OKAY. |
| 247 | OH, ISN'T IT FUN? |
| 248 | LOOK AT THAT. |
| 249 | WE ALL DO IT. |
| 250 | OKAY, I'M STOPPING NOW. |
| 251 | YOU OKAY? |
| 252 | OH, YEAH. |
| 253 | YOU KNOW, IF IT'S NOT A HEADBOARD |
| 254 | IT'S JUST NOT WORTH IT. |
| 255 | HOW'S MY BING-A-LING? |
| 256 | UH... I DON'T KNOW. |
| 257 | Y-YOU TELL ME. |
| 258 | ANYTHING YOU, UH... |
| 259 | WANT TO TELL ME? |
| 260 | BECAUSE IF YOU... YOU SHOULD... |
| 261 | IF YOU'D... TELL ME. |
| 262 | ( slowly ): WHY ARE YOUR EYES SO WIDE? |
| 263 | YOU TELL ME. |
| 264 | MAYBE IT'S BECAUSE I WAS JUST FOOLING AROUND WITH MY EX. |
| 265 | OH, NO, NO! NO, NO, NO, NO! |
| 266 | THAT WAS YOU! |
| 267 | OH, MY GOD! |
| 268 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 269 | HOW DID YOU KNOW? JOEY TOLD ME. |
| 270 | HE SAW YOU TWO KISSING. |
| 271 | IN THE PARK? |
| 272 | NO, IN HIS OFFICE. |
| 273 | HOW MANY KISSES WERE THERE? |
| 274 | JUST THOSE TWO! |
| 275 | WH-WH-WHY?! |
| 276 | W-WHY? WHY-WHY WAS THERE KISSING? |
| 277 | THERE SHOULD BE NO KISSING. |
| 278 | OH, I'M SORRY, HONEY. |
| 279 | I'M SO, SO... HAH! |
| 280 | I'M SO, SO SORRY. |
| 281 | I JUST... HAH! |
| 282 | WHEN I... |
| 283 | OH, WHAT HAPPENED WAS THAT I... |
| 284 | I CAN'T BREATHE! |
| 285 | YOU GET ME A BAG OR SOMETHING? |
| 286 | YEAH. |
| 287 | HERE, HERE. |
| 288 | THERE. |
| 289 | ( sputtering ) |
| 290 | IT'S THE RECEIPT. |
| 291 | I'LL TAKE IT. |
| 292 | ALL RIGHT, LOOK. |
| 293 | I'VE GOT TO KNOW-- |
| 294 | ARE YOU FINISHED WITH ME? |
| 295 | ( paper rustling ) |
| 296 | ARE YOU FINISHED WITH HIM? |
| 297 | ( paper rustling ) |
| 298 | DO YOU STILL LOVE HIM? |
| 299 | ( paper rustling ) |
| 300 | DO YOU STILL LOVE ME? |
| 301 | ( paper rustling ) |
| 302 | ALL RIGHT, LOOK. |
| 303 | I'M GOING TO NEED AN ACTUAL ANSWER HERE, OKAY? |
| 304 | SO, WHICH IS IT-- |
| 305 | HIM OR ME? |
| 306 | ( phone rings ) |
| 307 | I DON'T KNOW. |
| 308 | OKAY, IF YOU'RE ALIVE |
| 309 | YOU ANSWER YOUR PHONE! |
| 310 | BEN, I WON'T TELL YOUR DADDY |
| 311 | YOU HAD ICE CREAM BEFORE DINNER |
| 312 | IF YOU WON'T TELL HIM |
| 313 | ABOUT OUR LITTLE BONKING INCIDENT. |
| 314 | MONICA, NUMBER ONE, I DON'T THINK BEN |
| 315 | UNDERSTANDS THE CONCEPT OF BRIBERY |
| 316 | AND NUMBER TWO... |
| 317 | ( chuckling ) |
| 318 | WHAT? |
| 319 | YOU SAID "NUMBER TWO." |
| 320 | I ALSO SAID "NUMBER ONE." |
| 321 | I KNOW. |
| 322 | I KNOW. |
| 323 | HEY, EVERYONE. |
| 324 | HI. |
| 325 | HOW'S MY LITTLE BOY? |
| 326 | Monica: HE'S PERFECT. |
| 327 | HE'S NEVER BEEN BETTER. |
| 328 | WHAT DID YOU DO, TAKE HIM WHALING? |
| 329 | MONKA. |
| 330 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 331 | HE JUST SAID YOUR NAME. |
| 332 | THAT'S GREAT. |
| 333 | GOOD JOB, BEN. |
| 334 | MONKA BANG. |
| 335 | OH, THAT'S RIGHT. |
| 336 | THAT'S WHAT I'D SOUND LIKE IF I EXPLODED. |
| 337 | WHOO-HOO! THE CURSE IS BROKEN. |
| 338 | I CALLED EVERYBODY I KNOW, AND EVERYONE IS ALIVE. |
| 339 | HUH. |
| 340 | WHAT? |
| 341 | UGLY NAKED GUY LOOKS AWFULLY STILL. |
| 342 | ( gasps ) |
| 343 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 344 | I KILLED HIM. I KILLED ANOTHER ONE. |
| 345 | AND THIS CURSE IS GETTING STRONGER, TOO-- |
| 346 | TO BRING DOWN SOMETHING THAT BIG? |
| 347 | WELL, MAYBE HE'S JUST TAKING A NAP. |
| 348 | I'M TELLING YOU |
| 349 | HE HASN'T MOVED SINCE THIS MORNING. |
| 350 | WE SHOULD CALL SOMEBODY. |
| 351 | AND TELL THEM WHAT? |
| 352 | THAT THE NAKED GUY WE STARE AT ALL THE TIME ISN'T MOVING? |
| 353 | WE HAVE TO FIND OUT IF HE IS ALIVE. |
| 354 | YEAH, BUT HOW ARE WE GOING TO DO THAT? |
| 355 | THERE'S NO WAY. |
| 356 | THERE IS ONE WAY. |
| 357 | HIS WINDOW'S OPEN. |
| 358 | I SAY... WE POKE HIM. |
| 359 | HEY. |
| 360 | YOU KNOW HOW WE SAVE |
| 361 | ALL THOSE CHOPSTICKS FOR NO REASON |
| 362 | WHEN WE GET CHINESE FOOD? |
| 363 | YEAH. |
| 364 | WELL, NOW WE GOT A REASON. |
| 365 | WHAT? |
| 366 | WE'RE FASHIONING A VERY LONG POKING DEVICE. |
| 367 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 368 | HEY, UH... WHAT'S THE MATTER? |
| 369 | I TALKED TO JANICE. |
| 370 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 371 | IS SHE GOING BACK TO HIM? |
| 372 | SHE DOESN'T KNOW. |
| 373 | SAYS SHE LOVES US BOTH. |
| 374 | YOU KNOW, I WOKE UP |
| 375 | THIS MORNING, I WAS IN LOVE. |
| 376 | I WAS HAPPY. |
| 377 | YOU KNOW, IT SERVES ME RIGHT |
| 378 | FOR BUYING THAT 12-PACK OF CONDOMS. |
| 379 | AND NOW, I CAN'T EVEN RETURN THEM |
| 380 | BECAUSE SHE CHOKED ON THE RECEIPT. |
| 381 | WHAT ARE YOU, UH... |
| 382 | WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO? |
| 383 | I DON'T KNOW. |
| 384 | YOU KNOW? WHAT, WHAT WOULD YOU DO? |
| 385 | UH, IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT I'D DO. |
| 386 | COME ON. |
| 387 | COME ON. TELL ME. |
| 388 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 389 | YOU'RE, UH... |
| 390 | PROBABLY NOT GOING TO WANT TO HEAR THIS |
| 391 | BUT, UH... |
| 392 | IF IT WAS ME-- |
| 393 | AND THIS IS JUST ME-- |
| 394 | I WOULD, UH... |
| 395 | I WOULD BOW OUT. |
| 396 | WHAT?! |
| 397 | WHAT ARE YOU... |
| 398 | WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? |
| 399 | THEY HAVE A KID TOGETHER. |
| 400 | YOU KNOW? |
| 401 | THEY'RE LIKE... |
| 402 | THEY'RE LIKE A FAMILY.... |
| 403 | AND IF, I DON'T KNOW |
| 404 | IF THERE'S A CHANCE THEY CAN MAKE THAT WORK |
| 405 | I KNOW I WOULDN'T WANT TO BE THE GUY |
| 406 | WHO STOOD IN THE WAY OF THAT. |
| 407 | YOU OKAY? |
| 408 | ( sniffs ) |
| 409 | YOU, UH... |
| 410 | YOU WANT TO COME POKE A NUDE GUY? |
| 411 | WELL, HE'S FINALLY ASLEEP. |
| 412 | ABOUT THAT, UH, BUMP ON HIS HEAD... |
| 413 | ARE, UH, ARE YOU SURE IT'S A NEW BUMP? |
| 414 | I MEAN, NO OFFENCE |
| 415 | BUT I'VE ALWAYS THOUGHT OF BEN |
| 416 | AS A FAIRLY BUMPY-HEADED CHILD. |
| 417 | IT'S OKAY IF HE BUMPS HIS HEAD. |
| 418 | KIDS BUMP THEIR HEADS ALL THE TIME. |
| 419 | IT WAS YOUR FIRST TIME BABY-SITTING. |
| 420 | I'M SURE YOU DID THE BEST YOU COULD. |
| 421 | I DID. |
| 422 | I KNOW. I'M JUST SAYING |
| 423 | YOU HAVE TO WATCH THEM ALL THE TIME. |
| 424 | I DID! |
| 425 | I WATCHED. I WATCHED. |
| 426 | I WATCHED MONICA BANG HIS HEAD |
| 427 | AGAINST THAT THING! |
| 428 | MONICA DID IT? |
| 429 | ( Rachel clearing throat ) |
| 430 | MONICA? |
| 431 | YEAH? |
| 432 | DID YOU NOTICE ANYTHING WEIRD |
| 433 | ABOUT BEN TODAY? |
| 434 | NO. WHY? |
| 435 | WELL, I WAS JUST PLAYING WITH HIM |
| 436 | AND, YOU KNOW, WE WERE DOING THE ALPHABET SONG |
| 437 | WHICH HE USED TO BE REALLY GOOD AT |
| 438 | BUT SUDDENLY HE'S JUST LEAVING OUT "E" AND "F." |
| 439 | IT'S LIKE THEY JUST, UH, I DON'T KNOW |
| 440 | FELL OUT OF HIS HEAD. |
| 441 | REALLY? |
| 442 | OH, AND ALSO, HE'S, HE'S WALKING... |
| 443 | KIND OF FUNNY. |
| 444 | YEAH, I MEAN |
| 445 | IT'S LIKE HIS LEFT LEG |
| 446 | IS MOVING A LOT FASTER |
| 447 | THAN HIS RIGHT LEG. |
| 448 | YEAH, HE'S IN THERE |
| 449 | JUST SORT OF, YOU KNOW... |
| 450 | OH, MY GOD, I WRECKED YOUR BABY! |
| 451 | ( chuckles ) |
| 452 | I HOPE IT'S STILL FUNNY WHEN YOU'RE IN HELL. |
| 453 | YOU JERK. |
| 454 | YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE THAT KID. |
| 455 | MONKA BANG! MONKA BANG! |
| 456 | OW. |
| 457 | I'LL GET THE HAT. |
| 458 | JANICE, I HAVE SOMETHING I NEED TO TELL YOU |
| 459 | AND I WANT YOU TO LET ME GET THROUGH IT |
| 460 | BECAUSE IT'S... |
| 461 | IT'S, IT'S NOT GOING TO BE EASY. |
| 462 | OKAY. |
| 463 | I THINK YOU SHOULD GO BACK WITH GARY. |
| 464 | I DON'T WANT TO BE THE GUY THAT BREAKS UP A FAMILY. |
| 465 | YOU KNOW, WHEN MY PARENTS SPLIT UP |
| 466 | IT WAS BECAUSE OF THAT GUY |
| 467 | AND WHENEVER I WOULD SEE HIM |
| 468 | I WOULD ALWAYS THINK, "YOU'RE THE REASON. |
| 469 | YOU ARE WHY THEY'RE NOT TOGETHER" |
| 470 | AND I HATED THAT GUY |
| 471 | AND IT DIDN'T MATTER HOW NICE HE WAS |
| 472 | OR, YOU KNOW, HOW HAPPY HE MADE MY DAD. |
| 473 | WOW. |
| 474 | YEAH, WELL... |
| 475 | IT'S THE RIGHT THING TO DO. |
| 476 | ( groans ) |
| 477 | YOU'RE RIGHT. |
| 478 | OH, GOD. |
| 479 | BUT BEFORE I CAN SAY... GOOD-BYE... |
| 480 | THERE'S SOMETHING I REALLY NEED YOU TO KNOW, CHANDLER. |
| 481 | THE WAY I FEEL ABOUT YOU... |
| 482 | IT'S LIKE I FINALLY UNDERSTAND |
| 483 | WHAT LIONEL RICHIE'S BEEN SINGING ABOUT. |
| 484 | YOU KNOW? |
| 485 | I MEAN, WHAT WE HAVE-- |
| 486 | IT'S LIKE MOVIE LOVE. |
| 487 | YOU'RE MY SOUL MATE. |
| 488 | AND I CAN'T BELIEVE |
| 489 | WE'RE NOT GOING TO BE SPENDING |
| 490 | THE REST OF OUR LIVES TOGETHER. |
| 491 | THEN DON'T LEAVE ME. |
| 492 | WHAT? |
| 493 | FORGET WHAT I SAID. |
| 494 | I WAS BABBLING. |
| 495 | PICK ME. |
| 496 | NO, YOU WERE RIGHT. |
| 497 | I GOT TO GIVE MY MARRIAGE ANOTHER CHANCE. |
| 498 | NO, YOU DON'T. |
| 499 | NO, NO, NO. |
| 500 | I SAY YOU HAVE TO GIVE YOUR DIVORCE ANOTHER CHANCE. |
| 501 | I'M SORRY. |
| 502 | OH, DON'T GO. |
| 503 | NO, I-I GOT TO GO. |
| 504 | NO. |
| 505 | NO. |
| 506 | NO, NO. |
| 507 | HONEY, HONEY... |
| 508 | PEOPLE ARE LOOKING. |
| 509 | I DON'T CARE. |
| 510 | I DON'T CARE! |
| 511 | YEAH, UM... OKAY. |
| 512 | I'M, I'M LEAVING NOW. |
| 513 | YOU CAN'T LEAVE! |
| 514 | I HAVE YOUR SHOE! |
| 515 | GOOD-BYE, CHANDLER BING. |
| 516 | RACHEL HAS THOSE IN BURGUNDY. |
| 517 | SOMETHING THIS BIG AND LONG |
| 518 | IS GOING TO BE VERY DIFFICULT TO MANEUVER. |
| 519 | FORTUNATELY, I HAVE A LOT OF EXPERIENCE |
| 520 | IN THAT AREA. |
| 521 | ( chuckling ) |
| 522 | CAN WE PLEASE FOCUS HERE? |
| 523 | A NAKED MAN'S LIFE HANGS IN THE BALANCE. |
| 524 | I'M TELLING YOU, HE'S DEAD. |
| 525 | WHAT WE'RE ABOUT TO HAVE HERE |
| 526 | IS A DEAD FAT GUY ON A STICK. |
| 527 | ALL RIGHT. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, LET'S POKE. |
| 528 | STEADY, STEADY... |
| 529 | OKAY, A LITTLE HIGHER. |
| 530 | CAREFUL OF THE ANGLE. |
| 531 | OKAY, OKAY. |
| 532 | WE'RE APPROACHING THE WINDOW. |
| 533 | THREAD THE NEEDLE. |
| 534 | THREAD THE NEEDLE. |
| 535 | HE'S ALIVE! |
| 536 | HE'S ALIVE!!! |
| 537 | AND YET WE'RE STILL POKING HIM. |
| 538 | OKAY, RETRACT THE DEVICE. |
| 539 | HE DOES NOT LOOK HAPPY. |
| 540 | HEY, NOW HE'S SHOWING US HIS POKING DEVICE. |
| 541 | HEY, THAT'S NEVER GOING TO MAKE IT |
| 542 | ALL THE WAY OVER HERE, BUDDY. |
| 543 | HA! |
| 544 | ♪ I'LL HOLD YOU CLOSE IN MY ARMS ♪ |
| 545 | ♪ I CAN'T RESIST YOUR CHARM ♪ |
| 546 | ♪ AND LOVE... ♪ |
| 547 | ♪ LOVE... ♪ |
| 548 | ( together ): ♪ I'LL BE A FOOL ♪ |
| 549 | ♪ FOR YOU, I'M SURE ♪ |
| 550 | ♪ YOU KNOW I DON'T MIND ♪ |
| 551 | ( falsetto ): ♪ OH, YOU KNOW I DON'T MIND... ♪ |
| 552 | ♪ YES! ♪ ♪ AND YES! ♪ |
| 553 | ♪ YOU MEAN THE WORLD TO ME, OH... ♪ |
| 554 | ♪ I KNOW ♪ |
| 555 | ♪ I KNOW ♪ |
| 556 | ♪ I'VE FOUND IN YOU ♪ |
| 557 | ( both off-key ): ♪ MY ENDLESS LO... ♪ |
| 558 | ♪ MY ENDLESS... ♪ |
| 559 | [Captioned by The Caption Center WGBH Educational Foundation] |
| 560 | ♪ LOVE ♪ |
| 561 | ♪ LOVE... LO... LOVE. ♪ |
| 562 | |
| 1 | YES! YES! |
| 2 | ( all groaning ) |
| 3 | HEY, IT'S YOUR THANKSGIVING TOO. |
| 4 | INSTEAD OF WATCHING FOOTBALL, YOU COULD HELP. |
| 5 | WE KNOW. WE KNOW. WE KNOW. |
| 6 | RACHEL, YOU WANT TO PUT THE MARSHMALLOWS |
| 7 | IN CONCENTRIC CIRCLES. |
| 8 | NO, MON, YOU WANT TO PUT THEM IN CONCENTRIC CIRCLES. |
| 9 | I WANT TO DO THIS. |
| 10 | EVERY YEAR. |
| 11 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 12 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 13 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 14 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 15 | ♪ WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY ♪ |
| 16 | ♪ YOUR WEEK, YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 17 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 18 | ♪ WHEN THE RAIN STARTS TO POUR ♪ |
| 19 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 20 | ♪ LIKE I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE ♪ |
| 21 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 22 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME TOO. ♪ |
| 23 | Guys: GO, GO, GO. YES! |
| 24 | FOR ONCE, I AM GOING TO SIT DOWN |
| 25 | AND TRY TO WATCH ONE OF THESE THINGS. |
| 26 | Ross: HALF TIME. |
| 27 | Joey: HEY, WHO WANTS TO THROW |
| 28 | THE BALL AROUND? |
| 29 | MAYBE GET A LITTLE THREE-ON-THREE GOING. |
| 30 | OH, THAT WOULD BE SO MUCH FUN. |
| 31 | CAN I PLAY TOO? |
| 32 | I NEVER PLAYED FOOTBALL, LIKE, EVER. |
| 33 | GREAT. YOU CAN COVER CHANDLER. |
| 34 | NO, I DON'T REALLY WANT TO PLAY. |
| 35 | YOU NEVER WANT TO DO ANYTHING SINCE YOU AND JANICE BROKE UP. |
| 36 | THAT'S NOT TRUE. |
| 37 | I WANTED TO WEAR MY BATHROBE |
| 38 | AND EAT PEANUT CLUSTERS ALL DAY. |
| 39 | I WANTED TO START DRINKING IN THE MORNING. |
| 40 | DON'T SAY THAT I DON'T HAVE GOALS. |
| 41 | CHANDLER, YOU HAVE TO START GETTING OVER HER. |
| 42 | IF YOU PLAY, YOU GET SOME FRESH AIR. |
| 43 | MAYBE YOU'LL TAKE YOUR MIND OFF JANICE. |
| 44 | IF YOU DON'T PLAY, EVERYONE'LL BE MAD AT YOU |
| 45 | 'CAUSE THE TEAMS WON'T BE EVEN. |
| 46 | COME ON. |
| 47 | ALL RIGHT. I'LL PLAY. |
| 48 | YAY! |
| 49 | ROSS? |
| 50 | WHAT? |
| 51 | WANT TO PLAY FOOTBALL? |
| 52 | UM, MONICA AND I |
| 53 | AREN'T SUPPOSED TO PLAY FOOTBALL. |
| 54 | SAYS WHO, YOUR MOM? |
| 55 | YEAH. YES. |
| 56 | EVERY THANKSGIVING |
| 57 | WE USED TO HAVE A TOUCH FOOTBALL GAME |
| 58 | CALLED THE GELLER BOWL. |
| 59 | NO, NO, YOU SAY THAT PROUDLY. |
| 60 | ANYWAY, ROSS AND I WERE ALWAYS CAPTAINS |
| 61 | AND, UM, IT GOT KIND OF COMPETITIVE |
| 62 | AND ONE YEAR, GELLER BOWL VI |
| 63 | I ACCIDENTALLY BROKE ROSS'S NOSE. |
| 64 | IT WAS SO NOT AN ACCIDENT. |
| 65 | SHE SAW I WAS ABOUT TO TAG HER |
| 66 | SO SHE THREW HER BIG, FAT GRANDMA-ARM ELBOW IN MY FACE |
| 67 | JUST KEPT RUNNING. |
| 68 | YEAH. |
| 69 | TO SCORE THE WINNING TOUCHDOWN, BY THE WAY. |
| 70 | WHOA, WHOA. |
| 71 | UH, YOU DID NOT WIN THE GAME. |
| 72 | THE TOUCHDOWN DIDN'T COUNT |
| 73 | BECAUSE OF THE SPECTACULARLY ILLEGAL-- |
| 74 | AND BY THE WAY, SAVAGE-- NOSE BREAKING. |
| 75 | I WON THE GAME. |
| 76 | OH, YEAH? |
| 77 | THEN HOW COME YOU DIDN'T GET THE GELLER CUP? |
| 78 | THERE WAS A GELLER CUP? |
| 79 | YES. IT WAS THE TROPHY YOU GOT IF YOU WON THE GAME |
| 80 | BUT OUR DAD SAID NOBODY WON THAT GAME |
| 81 | AND HE WAS SICK OF OUR FIGHTING |
| 82 | SO HE TOOK THE TROPHY... |
| 83 | THREW IT IN THE LAKE. |
| 84 | AND WAS THE CURSE LIFTED? |
| 85 | ANYWAY... |
| 86 | THAT'S WHEN MOM SAID |
| 87 | WE WERE NOT ALLOWED TO PLAY FOOTBALL AGAIN. |
| 88 | YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 89 | I THINK WE SHOULD PLAY A GAME. |
| 90 | IT'S BEEN 12 YEARS. |
| 91 | CAN I SEE YOU FOR A SECOND? |
| 92 | ( whispering ) |
| 93 | WUSS! |
| 94 | ALL RIGHT, WE'RE GOING TO PLAY. |
| 95 | WAIT A MINUTE, HOW WILL WE GET THERE? |
| 96 | MY MOM WON'T LET ME CROSS THE STREET. |
| 97 | ALL RIGHT, LET'S GO. |
| 98 | HEY! |
| 99 | HEY! |
| 100 | HERE WE GO. |
| 101 | ALL RIGHT, PHEEBS. |
| 102 | OKAY, LET'S BRING IT IN. |
| 103 | THROW IT TO ME, THROW IT TO ME. |
| 104 | ( shrieks ) |
| 105 | THAT ALMOST HIT ME IN THE FACE. |
| 106 | Joey: ALL RIGHT |
| 107 | WE HAVE TO PICK CAPTAINS. |
| 108 | AND THEN TENNILLES. |
| 109 | SO HOW DO WE DECIDE THAT? |
| 110 | WHY DON'T WE JUST BUNNY UP? |
| 111 | All: WHAT? |
| 112 | Both: BUNNY! |
| 113 | OKAY, LOOKS LIKE |
| 114 | ROSS AND I ARE CAPTAINS. |
| 115 | I BUNNIED FIRST, SO I GET TO PICK FIRST. |
| 116 | JOEY. |
| 117 | MONICA... |
| 118 | I'M YOUR BEST FRIEND. |
| 119 | SWEETIE, DON'T WORRY. |
| 120 | YOU'LL GET PICKED. |
| 121 | CHANDLER. |
| 122 | ROSS! |
| 123 | PHOEBE. |
| 124 | SWEETIE, NOW I PICK YOU. |
| 125 | YOU DON'T PICK ME. |
| 126 | YOU'RE STUCK WITH ME. |
| 127 | OKAY. |
| 128 | LET'S PLAY FROM THE TRASH CAN |
| 129 | TO THE LIGHT POST. |
| 130 | TWO-HAND TOUCH. WE'LL KICK OFF. |
| 131 | Monica: ALL RIGHT, PEOPLE, LISTEN. |
| 132 | I'VE GOT EXACTLY 28 MINUTES |
| 133 | BEFORE I HAVE TO BASTE AGAIN. |
| 134 | WOW, JUST LIKE IN THE PROS. |
| 135 | HUDDLE UP! |
| 136 | ALL RIGHT, HUDDLE UP. RIGHT OVER HERE. |
| 137 | COOL! THIS IS MY FIRST HUDDLE. |
| 138 | OKAY, SO WHAT DO YOU GUYS REALLY THINK OF CHANDLER? |
| 139 | PHOEBE, YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING, RIGHT? |
| 140 | YEAH. |
| 141 | OKAY. JOEY WILL CATCH IT. |
| 142 | YOU AND I WILL BLOCK. |
| 143 | WHAT'S BLOCK? |
| 144 | YOU SAID YOU KNEW WHAT YOU WERE DOING. |
| 145 | I THOUGHT YOU MEANT IN LIFE. |
| 146 | BREAK. |
| 147 | THE BALL IS JANICE, THE BALL IS JANICE. |
| 148 | OW! OW! |
| 149 | OH, SON OF A...! OW! |
| 150 | COME ON. |
| 151 | SORRY. I'M SORRY. |
| 152 | YOU KNOW WHAT-- |
| 153 | WE'RE JUST GOING TO THROW IT. |
| 154 | YES! |
| 155 | ( cheering ) |
| 156 | Monica: YES! SCORE! |
| 157 | SEVEN TO NOTHING. |
| 158 | HONEY... |
| 159 | COME ON, LET'S GO. |
| 160 | LOSERS WALK. |
| 161 | YEAH? LOSERS TALK. |
| 162 | NO. ACTUALLY, LOSERS RHYME. |
| 163 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 164 | 43, 74... |
| 165 | YOU WANT TO GO SHOTGUN? |
| 166 | YEAH. |
| 167 | HIKE. |
| 168 | ONE MISSISSIPPI, TWO MISSISSIPPI |
| 169 | THREE MISSISSIPPI. |
| 170 | HA! I ALMOST CAUGHT THAT ONE. |
| 171 | YEAH, GREAT. |
| 172 | NOW THE SCORE'S SEVEN TO ALMOST SEVEN. |
| 173 | OKAY. |
| 174 | THIS PLAY, DO A DOWN AND OUT |
| 175 | TO THE RIGHT. |
| 176 | Both: BREAK. |
| 177 | WAIT. WHAT AM I GOING TO DO? |
| 178 | YOU... |
| 179 | YOU GO LONG. |
| 180 | HOW LONG? |
| 181 | UNTIL WE START TO LOOK VERY SMALL. |
| 182 | Both: BREAK. |
| 183 | SET, HIKE. |
| 184 | ONE MISSISSIPPI, TWO MISSISSIPPI. |
| 185 | SWITCH, SWITCH, SWITCH. |
| 186 | HA! |
| 187 | HEY, THANKS FOR STOPPING OUR BALL. |
| 188 | YOU ARE PLAYING AMERICAN FOOTBALL? |
| 189 | YEAH. |
| 190 | WOW. |
| 191 | YOU'RE, LIKE, FROM A WHOLE OTHER COUNTRY. |
| 192 | I'M DUTCH. |
| 193 | HI. I'M JOEY. |
| 194 | I'M MARGHA. |
| 195 | I'M SORRY, DUTCH. |
| 196 | I DIDN'T GET THAT LAST LITTLE BIT. |
| 197 | YOU WANT TO PLAY |
| 198 | FOOTBALL OR... |
| 199 | HI. I'M CHANDLER. |
| 200 | HELLO, CHANDLER. |
| 201 | HER NAME IS DUTCH, AND ALSO MARC-HA. |
| 202 | MARGHA. |
| 203 | MARC-HA. |
| 204 | MAR-GHA. |
| 205 | ♪ MARGHA ♪ |
| 206 | COME ON, GUYS, LET'S GO. |
| 207 | SECOND DOWN. |
| 208 | UH, HELLO, IT'S THIRD DOWN. |
| 209 | NO, IT'S NOT. IT'S SECOND. |
| 210 | WOW. |
| 211 | WOW, WHAT? |
| 212 | IT AMAZES ME THAT YOU'RE STILL PULLING STUFF LIKE THIS. |
| 213 | PULLING WHAT? |
| 214 | IT'S SECOND DOWN. |
| 215 | OKAY, IT'S SECOND DOWN. |
| 216 | TAKE ALL |
| 217 | THE SECOND DOWNS YOU NEED. |
| 218 | I HEARD THAT. |
| 219 | I SAID IT LOUD. |
| 220 | IT IS OKAY IF I STAY AND WATCH? |
| 221 | YEAH, STICK AROUND. |
| 222 | AS LONG AS YOU NEED TO. |
| 223 | THAT WENT WELL. |
| 224 | I THINK SO. |
| 225 | I WAS THINKING ABOUT ASKING HER FOR HER NUMBER. |
| 226 | THANKS, MAN, BUT I THINK IT MAKES A STRONGER STATEMENT |
| 227 | IF I ASK FOR IT MYSELF. |
| 228 | WHOA, OH. |
| 229 | NO, I WAS THINKING ABOUT FOR ME. |
| 230 | PART OF THAT WHOLE "GETTING OVER JANICE" THING |
| 231 | YOU WERE TALKING ABOUT. |
| 232 | OH, YEAH. THAT. ALL RIGHT. |
| 233 | IF IT MEANS THAT MUCH TO YOU, I'LL LET YOU HAVE HER. |
| 234 | THANKS. |
| 235 | "LET ME HAVE HER"? |
| 236 | WHAT DO YOU MEAN? |
| 237 | LIKE, IF YOU DIDN'T, I WOULDN'T HAVE A SHOT? |
| 238 | I DON'T LIKE TO SAY IT OUT LOUD |
| 239 | BUT... |
| 240 | YEAH. |
| 241 | DON'T FEEL BAD |
| 242 | WE ALL HAVE OUR STRENGTHS. |
| 243 | YOU'RE BETTER WITH NUMBERS AND STUFF. |
| 244 | MATH! |
| 245 | YOU'RE GIVING ME MATH?! |
| 246 | ALL RIGHT, LOOK. |
| 247 | YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 248 | FORGET ABOUT IT. |
| 249 | YOU GO FOR THE GIRL. |
| 250 | WE'LL SEE WHO GETS HER. |
| 251 | CHANDLER, I WANT YOU TO RUN A POST PATTERN |
| 252 | TO THE LEFT, OKAY? |
| 253 | SWEETIE... |
| 254 | YEAH, I KNOW. GO LONG. |
| 255 | YOU KNOW, ALL I'M DOING |
| 256 | IS RUNNING BACK AND FORTH FROM THE HUDDLE. |
| 257 | WELL, UH... |
| 258 | YOU WANT TO JUST STAY OUT THERE? |
| 259 | CAN I SEE THAT FOR A SEC? |
| 260 | YEAH. |
| 261 | OKAY. |
| 262 | HUT, HIKE. |
| 263 | Monica: ONE MISSISSIPPI... |
| 264 | WHAT THE HELL'S THE MATTER WITH YOU? |
| 265 | IT'S MY FAVORITE JERSEY. |
| 266 | WELL, NOW YOU HAVE TWO. |
| 267 | HEY, I AM GOOD AT MATH. |
| 268 | I WAS STILL GOING TO LET YOU HAVE HER |
| 269 | BUT FORGET ABOUT IT. |
| 270 | PREPARE TO FEEL VERY BAD ABOUT YOURSELF. |
| 271 | I'VE BEEN PREPARING FOR THAT |
| 272 | MY ENTIRE LIFE. |
| 273 | OR SOMETHING ABOUT YOU THAT'S MEAN. |
| 274 | Monica: COME ON, GUYS, LET'S GO. |
| 275 | TIE SCORE. |
| 276 | RUNNING OUT OF TIME. |
| 277 | 42, 38, HIKE. |
| 278 | ( dings ) |
| 279 | ( grunts ) |
| 280 | OH, BROKEN BOOBS! |
| 281 | OW! |
| 282 | PHOEBE, RUN! |
| 283 | TOUCHDOWN, TOUCHDOWN! |
| 284 | NO, NO, NO. |
| 285 | UH, HELLO. THE BUZZER BUZZED. |
| 286 | IT DOESN'T COUNT. |
| 287 | AFTER THE SNAP. |
| 288 | BEFORE THE SNAP. |
| 289 | AFTER. BEFORE. |
| 290 | DOES IT REALLY MATTER? |
| 291 | All: YES! |
| 292 | BUT, OKAY. |
| 293 | I MADE A TOUCHDOWN. |
| 294 | MY FIRST TOUCHDOWN. |
| 295 | PHEEBS, THAT'S GREAT. |
| 296 | IT DOESN'T COUNT. |
| 297 | DOES SO COUNT. |
| 298 | CHEATER, CHEATER, COMPULSIVE EATER. |
| 299 | ( gasps ) |
| 300 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 301 | KNOW WHAT? THAT'S FINE. |
| 302 | MAYBE YOU HAVEN'T GROWN UP, BUT I HAVE. |
| 303 | OH, OKAY. |
| 304 | DEAD LEG! |
| 305 | OKAY, OKAY, FINE, FINE. |
| 306 | YOU WANT TO WIN BY CHEATING? |
| 307 | PHOEBE, THE TOUCHDOWN DOES COUNT. |
| 308 | YOU WIN. |
| 309 | OH, YAY. NO. |
| 310 | I WON'T GO THROUGH THIS |
| 311 | WITH YOU AGAIN. |
| 312 | I WANT TO BEAT YOU WHEN YOU CAN'T BLAME IT |
| 313 | ON THE BROKEN NOSE, THE BUZZER |
| 314 | OR THE FACT YOU THOUGHT YOU MIGHT BE GETTING MONO. |
| 315 | LET'S JUST CALL THIS |
| 316 | TIE SCORE AND IT'S HALF TIME. |
| 317 | FIRST OF ALL, I DON'T PLAY WITH CHEATERS |
| 318 | AND SECOND OF ALL |
| 319 | YOU KNOW I HAD SWOLLEN GLANDS. |
| 320 | YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 321 | I THINK YOU'LL PLAY. |
| 322 | OH, REALLY? |
| 323 | WHY IS THAT? |
| 324 | WHOEVER WINS, GETS THIS. |
| 325 | THE GELLER CUP. |
| 326 | IS EVERYBODY ELSE SEEING A TROLL DOLL |
| 327 | NAILED TO A 2 x 4? |
| 328 | ( all agreeing ) |
| 329 | OKAY, GOOD. |
| 330 | WHERE THE HELL DID YOU GET THAT? |
| 331 | WHEN MOM AND DAD DROVE YOU |
| 332 | TO THE HOSPITAL TO GET YOUR NOSE FIXED |
| 333 | I SWAM INTO THE LAKE AND FISHED IT OUT. |
| 334 | THAT CUP IS MINE. |
| 335 | NO, IT'S NOT. YOU WANT IT... |
| 336 | YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO WIN IT. |
| 337 | ALL RIGHT, SO ARE WE NOT HAVING DINNER AT ALL? |
| 338 | COME ON, PHOEBE. |
| 339 | IT'S TIME TO GET SERIOUS. |
| 340 | HUDDLE UP. |
| 341 | JOEY, KEEP YOUR HEAD IN THE GAME. |
| 342 | IT'S HARD, YOU KNOW? |
| 343 | HIS HUDDLE'S CLOSER TO THE DUTCH GIRL. |
| 344 | ALL RIGHT, IF I TAKE CHANDLER OUT OF THE RUNNING |
| 345 | WILL YOU BE ABLE TO FOCUS? |
| 346 | WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO? |
| 347 | JUST MAKE SURE HE CATCHES THE BALL. |
| 348 | I'LL TAKE CARE OF THE REST. |
| 349 | BREAK. |
| 350 | HERE YOU GO. |
| 351 | ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. |
| 352 | COME ON! THIS WAY. |
| 353 | ( both grunting ) |
| 354 | WHOA! WHOA! |
| 355 | TACKLED BY A GIRL. |
| 356 | BET YOU DON'T SEE THAT EVERY DAY. |
| 357 | WHOA, WHOA, WHOA! |
| 358 | WHAT'S WITH THE TACKLING? |
| 359 | WHAT?! |
| 360 | I JUST TOUCHED HIM AND HE WENT OVER. |
| 361 | OKAY. YOU WANT TO PLAY ROUGH? |
| 362 | WE CAN PLAY ROUGH. |
| 363 | Announcer: LET'S GET READY TO RUMBLE..! |
| 364 | ...THREE MISSISSIPPI. |
| 365 | ( laughing ) |
| 366 | ( techno music playing ) |
| 367 | ♪ Y'ALL READY FOR THIS? ♪ |
| 368 | HERE! |
| 369 | ( screams ) |
| 370 | ( screaming ) |
| 371 | ( screaming continues ) |
| 372 | ♪ YEAH! ♪ |
| 373 | ♪ YEAH! ♪ |
| 374 | HIKE! |
| 375 | ♪ YEAH ♪ |
| 376 | ♪ YEAH! ♪ |
| 377 | I LOVE THIS GAME! |
| 378 | HEY, WHERE'D YOU GET THAT? |
| 379 | I WENT REALLY LONG. |
| 380 | ( chanting ): 42 TO 21! |
| 381 | LIKE THE TURKEY, ROSS IS DONE! |
| 382 | IT'S NO SURPRISE THAT YOU'RE WINNING. |
| 383 | YOU PICKED FIRST, SO YOU GOT THE BETTER TEAM. |
| 384 | YOU'RE SO PATHETIC. |
| 385 | WHY CAN'T YOU ACCEPT IT? |
| 386 | WE'RE WINNING BECAUSE I'M BETTER THAN YOU. |
| 387 | ( snorting ) |
| 388 | OH, WHAT A GREAT ARGUMENT-- EXHALING. |
| 389 | YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 390 | I'LL PROVE IT TO YOU, OKAY? |
| 391 | I'LL TRADE YOU JOEY FOR RACHEL |
| 392 | AND I'LL STILL WIN THE GAME. |
| 393 | WHA..? THE GUYS AGAINST THE GIRLS? |
| 394 | SEE, THAT'S RIDICULOUS, MONICA |
| 395 | BECAUSE I'M ONLY DOWN BY THREE TOUCHDOWNS. |
| 396 | OH... THEN BRING IT ON. |
| 397 | OH, UNLESS, OF COURSE |
| 398 | YOU'RE AFRAID YOU MIGHT LOSE TO A BUNCH OF GIRLS. |
| 399 | ( giggles ) |
| 400 | FINE, FINE. |
| 401 | RACHEL, YOU'RE WITH MONICA. |
| 402 | JOEY, YOU'RE WITH ME. |
| 403 | I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU ARE TRADING ME. |
| 404 | LET'S SEE WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE ON A WINNING TEAM. |
| 405 | YOU'RE GOING TO LET ME PLAY? |
| 406 | ALL RIGHT, THEN. |
| 407 | THE GAME IS OVER? WE EAT NOW? |
| 408 | THE GAME'S NOT OVER. |
| 409 | WE'RE JUST SWITCHING TEAMS. |
| 410 | CHANDLER FINDS ME SO INTIMIDATING |
| 411 | THAT IT'S BETTER IF WE'RE ON THE SAME TEAM. |
| 412 | RIGHT, OKAY, LET'S PLAY. |
| 413 | LET'S GO. |
| 414 | WHOA, HOLD ON A SECOND, JOE. |
| 415 | WHERE DO DUTCH PEOPLE COME FROM? |
| 416 | UH, WELL, THE, UH... |
| 417 | PENNSYLVANIA DUTCH COME FROM PENNSYLVANIA. |
| 418 | AND THE, UH, OTHER DUTCH PEOPLE? |
| 419 | THEY COME FROM SOMEWHERE NEAR THE NETHERLANDS, RIGHT? |
| 420 | NICE TRY. |
| 421 | YOU SEE, THE NETHERLANDS IS THIS MAKE-BELIEVE PLACE |
| 422 | WHERE PETER PAN AND TINKERBELL COME FROM. |
| 423 | OH, MY. |
| 424 | ENOUGH WITH GEOGRAPHY FOR THE INSANE. |
| 425 | LET'S PLAY SOME BALL. |
| 426 | WHOA, NO, UH-UH. |
| 427 | I'M NOT PLAYING WITH THIS GUY NOW. |
| 428 | FINE WITH ME. |
| 429 | I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS. |
| 430 | LET'S JUST CUT TO THE CHASE. |
| 431 | HEIDI, WHICH OF MY BOYS DO YOU LIKE? |
| 432 | Joey and Chandler: WHAT ARE YOU DOING? |
| 433 | SHH! SHH! |
| 434 | WHICH DO I LIKE? |
| 435 | YEAH, YOU KNOW |
| 436 | FOR DATING, GENERAL MERRIMENT |
| 437 | TAKING BACK TO YOUR WINDMILL... |
| 438 | WELL, IF I HAD TO CHOOSE RIGHT NOW-- |
| 439 | WHICH, BY THE WAY, I FIND REALLY WEIRD-- |
| 440 | I WOULD HAVE TO SAY... |
| 441 | CHANDLER. |
| 442 | YES! |
| 443 | NOW, WAIT A MINUTE, WAIT A MINUTE. |
| 444 | SHE DIDN'T UNDERSTAND THE QUESTION. |
| 445 | WHY DON'T YOU HAVE CAPTAIN HOOK EXPLAIN IT? |
| 446 | I'M SORRY, JOEY. THAT IS MY TRUTH. |
| 447 | YOU HEAR THAT? |
| 448 | THAT IS HER TRUTH, MR. I'LL-LET-YOU-HAVE-HER. |
| 449 | I WIN. YOU SUCK. |
| 450 | I RULE ALL. |
| 451 | MINI-WAVE AND CELEBRATION TO ME! |
| 452 | A-WOO-HOO! |
| 453 | I AM NOW THINKING |
| 454 | I WOULD LIKE TO CHANGE MY ANSWER TO... NO ONE. |
| 455 | W-W-WHAT? |
| 456 | I NOW FIND YOU SHALLOW AND, UM... |
| 457 | A DORK. |
| 458 | BYE-BYE. |
| 459 | NICE GOING. |
| 460 | YOU JUST SAVED YOURSELF A COUPLE MONTHS OF SEX. |
| 461 | YOU KNOW WHAT? DOESN'T MATTER |
| 462 | BECAUSE SHE PICKED ME. |
| 463 | ME! |
| 464 | FROM NOW ON, I GET THE DATES |
| 465 | AND YOU HAVE TO STAY HOME ON SATURDAY NIGHTS |
| 466 | WATCHING READY, SET, COOK. |
| 467 | SAVE THE BREAKTHROUGHS FOR THERAPY, OKAY? |
| 468 | THE CLOCK IS TICKING. |
| 469 | WE HAVE NO TIME, AND WE ARE LOSING. |
| 470 | WE ARE LOSING TO GIRLS. |
| 471 | WE'RE NOT GOING TO LOSE TO GIRLS. |
| 472 | HEY, IT'S 42 TO 21. |
| 473 | THIS SUCKS. |
| 474 | I WAS JUST UP BY THAT MUCH. |
| 475 | ARE WE PLAYING FOOTBALL OR WHAT? |
| 476 | COME ON, YOU HAIRY-BACKED MARYS. |
| 477 | WE HAVE TO DO THIS. |
| 478 | WE ARE PLAYING FOR WOMEN EVERYWHERE. |
| 479 | JUST THINK ABOUT EVERY LOUSY DATE YOU EVER HAD. |
| 480 | EVERY GUY WHO KEPT ONE EYE ON THE T.V. |
| 481 | WHILE YOU WERE MAKING OUT. |
| 482 | OH, MY GOD, YOU DATED SOMEONE WITH A GLASS EYE TOO? |
| 483 | COME ON, OKAY? |
| 484 | COME ON, THIS IS FOR ALL WOMANKIND. |
| 485 | LET'S KILL 'EM! |
| 486 | YEAH! KILL 'EM! |
| 487 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 488 | WELL, NO, I WANT TO KILL THEM, TOO |
| 489 | BUT THEY'RE BOYS. |
| 490 | YOU KNOW, HOW ARE WE GOING TO BEAT THREE BOYS? |
| 491 | ( "Miserlou" by Dick Dale and The Del-Tones playing ) |
| 492 | WE STILL HAVE A MINUTE AND A HALF LEFT |
| 493 | AND WE'RE DOWN BY TWO POINTS. |
| 494 | TWO POINTS, LADIES. |
| 495 | ( high-pitched babbling ) |
| 496 | PHOEBE, YOU DO A BUTTONHOOK AGAIN. |
| 497 | RACHEL, YOU GO LONG. |
| 498 | NO. COME ON, DON'T MAKE ME GO LONG. |
| 499 | USE ME. THEY NEVER COVER ME. |
| 500 | HONEY, THERE'S A REASON. |
| 501 | ( sighs ) |
| 502 | COME ON, I AM NOT LAME, OKAY? |
| 503 | I CAN DO SOMETHING. I CAN THROW. |
| 504 | WOULD YOU LET ME THROW? |
| 505 | THIS IS MY GAME TOO. |
| 506 | COME ON, LET HER THROW THE BALL. |
| 507 | ALL RIGHT, RACHEL |
| 508 | SWEEP BEHIND, I'LL PITCH IT TO YOU |
| 509 | YOU THROW IT TO PHOEBE. |
| 510 | THANK YOU. THANK YOU. |
| 511 | BREAK. BREAK. |
| 512 | OKAY... |
| 513 | THIRTY-TWO... |
| 514 | SEVENTY-ONE, HIKE. |
| 515 | ONE MISSISSIPPI, TWO MISSISSIPPI |
| 516 | THREE MISSISSIPPI! |
| 517 | ( screams ) |
| 518 | OW! |
| 519 | OH, GOD! I'M SO SORRY. |
| 520 | I'M SO SORRY. |
| 521 | ARE YOU OKAY? |
| 522 | NO, I'M NOT OKAY. |
| 523 | SORRY. THEY WERE JUST ALL COMING AT ME |
| 524 | AND I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. |
| 525 | 30 SECONDS LEFT ON THE TIMER... |
| 526 | OKAY, SO WE GET TO TAKE THAT, UH, STUPID TROLL-THING HOME. |
| 527 | NO, YOU DON'T. COME ON, HURRY. |
| 528 | WE'RE RUNNING OUT OF TIME. |
| 529 | HUDDLE UP. |
| 530 | OKAY. |
| 531 | OH... |
| 532 | OH, THIS IS OUR LAST HUDDLE. |
| 533 | ALL RIGHT... |
| 534 | PHOEBE, GET OPEN. |
| 535 | RACHEL... GO LONG. |
| 536 | OKAY. |
| 537 | BREAK. |
| 538 | ( Theme music from The Natural playing ) |
| 539 | ( screams ) |
| 540 | I SCORED A TOUCHDOWN! |
| 541 | WE DID IT! WE WIN! |
| 542 | TOUCHDOWN! WHOO! |
| 543 | WE WIN! |
| 544 | YES! |
| 545 | YOU KNOW, RACHEL, FUNNY THING... |
| 546 | ACTUALLY, THE END ZONE STARTS AT THAT POLE |
| 547 | SO YOU'RE FIVE FEET SHORT, SO... |
| 548 | ( chuckles ) |
| 549 | WE WIN. |
| 550 | WHOO! |
| 551 | YES! YES, YES, YES... |
| 552 | WAIT, WAIT, WAIT |
| 553 | EXPLAIN SOMETHING TO ME, THOUGH. |
| 554 | IF NOBODY TAGGED RACHEL |
| 555 | THEN ISN'T THE PLAY STILL GOING? |
| 556 | I GOT IT! I GOT IT! I GOT IT! |
| 557 | LET GO! LET GO! |
| 558 | TOUCHDOWN, BUDDY. WE WIN. |
| 559 | NO WAY! LET GO! |
| 560 | LET GO? I'M A TINY LITTLE WOMAN. |
| 561 | GUYS, GUYS, COME ON. |
| 562 | IT'S THANKSGIVING. |
| 563 | IT'S NOT IMPORTANT WHO WINS OR LOSES. |
| 564 | THE IMPORTANT THING IS |
| 565 | THE DUTCH GIRL PICKED ME. |
| 566 | ME, NOT YOU. HOLLAND LOVES CHANDLER. |
| 567 | THANK YOU AMSTERDAM! GOOD NIGHT! |
| 568 | ( grunts ) |
| 569 | OW! |
| 570 | WE SHOULD PLAY FOOTBALL MORE OFTEN. |
| 571 | MAYBE THERE'S A LEAGUE WE COULD JOIN. |
| 572 | ISN'T THERE, LIKE |
| 573 | A NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE? |
| 574 | YES. YES, THERE IS. |
| 575 | THEY PLAY ON SUNDAYS AND MONDAY NIGHTS. |
| 576 | OH, SHOOT. |
| 577 | I WORK MONDAY NIGHTS. |
| 578 | OH... |
| 579 | MM. THIS STUFFING IS AMAZING. |
| 580 | DO YOU THINK WE SHOULD BRING THEM SOME? |
| 581 | WHEN THEY'RE HUNGRY ENOUGH, THEY'LL COME IN. |
| 582 | LET GO! |
| 583 | NO, YOU LET GO! |
| 584 | NO! |
| 585 | HOW COME IT'S ALWAYS US LEFT ON THE FIELD |
| 586 | HOLDING THE BALL? |
| 587 | I DON'T KNOW. |
| 588 | GUESS THE OTHER PEOPLE JUST DON'T CARE ENOUGH. |
| 589 | [Captioned by The Caption Center WGBH Educational Foundation] |
| 590 | HEY, IT'S STARTING TO SNOW. |
| 591 | AHH... |
| 592 | GIVE IT TO ME! LET GO! GIVE IT! |
| 593 | COME ON, LET GO! LET GO! |
| 594 | |
| 1 | I DON'T KNOW. |
| 2 | WELL, AS OLD AS HE IS IN DOG YEARS |
| 3 | DO YOU THINK SNOOPY SHOULD STILL BE ALLOWED TO FLY THIS THING? |
| 4 | RACHEL, YOU REMEMBER WHEN YOU FIRST CAME HERE |
| 5 | HOW YOU SPENT TWO WEEKS GETTING TRAINED |
| 6 | BY ANOTHER WAITRESS? |
| 7 | SURE. DO YOU NEED ME TO TRAIN SOMEBODY NEW? |
| 8 | GOOD ONE. |
| 9 | ACTUALLY, TERRY WANTS YOU |
| 10 | TO TAKE THE TRAINING AGAIN. |
| 11 | WHENEVER. |
| 12 | DO YOU BELIEVE THAT? |
| 13 | YEAH. |
| 14 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 15 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 16 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 17 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 18 | ♪ WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY ♪ |
| 19 | ♪ YOUR WEEK, YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 20 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 21 | ♪ WHEN THE RAIN STARTS TO POUR ♪ |
| 22 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 23 | ♪ LIKE I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE ♪ |
| 24 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 25 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME, TOO. ♪ |
| 26 | SO THAT'S TWO BOXES |
| 27 | OF THE HOLIDAY MACAROONS. |
| 28 | ON BEHALF OF THE BROWN BIRDS OF AMERICA |
| 29 | I SALUTE YOU. |
| 30 | ( trilling ) |
| 31 | JUST ADMIT IT, CHANDLER, YOU HAVE NO BACKHAND. |
| 32 | EXCUSE ME, LITTLE ONE. |
| 33 | I HAVE A VERY SOLID BACKHAND. |
| 34 | SHIELDING YOUR FACE AND SHRIEKING LIKE A GIRL |
| 35 | IS NOT A BACKHAND. |
| 36 | I WAS SHRIEKING... |
| 37 | LIKE A MARINE. |
| 38 | ALL RIGHT, HERE. |
| 39 | WATCH ME EXECUTE THE THREE Ps OF CHAMPIONSHIP PLAY. |
| 40 | POWER. HA! |
| 41 | PRECISION. SHHK! |
| 42 | AND PANACHE. |
| 43 | ( girl screams ) |
| 44 | YOU BROKE A LITTLE GIRL'S LEG? |
| 45 | I KNOW. |
| 46 | I FEEL HORRIBLE, OKAY? |
| 47 | IT SAYS HERE THAT A MUPPET GOT WHACKED |
| 48 | ON SESAME STREET LAST NIGHT. |
| 49 | WHERE EXACTLY WERE YOU AROUND TEN-ISH? |
| 50 | WELL, I'M GOING TO GO SEE HER. |
| 51 | I WANT TO BRING HER SOMETHING. |
| 52 | WHAT DO YOU THINK SHE'D LIKE? |
| 53 | MAYBE A "HELLO, KITTY" DOLL |
| 54 | THE ABILITY TO WALK. |
| 55 | ( laughs ) |
| 56 | ( clears throat ) |
| 57 | I'M GOING TO GET BACK TO RETRAINING. |
| 58 | ALL RIGHT, SEE YOU, GUYS. |
| 59 | LOOK OUT, KIDS. |
| 60 | HE'S COMING. |
| 61 | AND I GOT TO GO SELL SOME CHRISTMAS TREES. |
| 62 | HAVE FUN. |
| 63 | OH, WAIT. |
| 64 | NO, DON'T. |
| 65 | I AM TOTALLY AGAINST THAT NOW. |
| 66 | WHAT, ME HAVING A JOB? |
| 67 | NO, NO. |
| 68 | I AM AGAINST INNOCENT TREES BEING CUT DOWN |
| 69 | IN THEIR PRIME |
| 70 | AND THEIR CORPSES GROTESQUELY DRESSED |
| 71 | IN TINSEL AND TWINKLY LIGHTS. |
| 72 | HEY, HOW DO YOU SLEEP AT NIGHT? |
| 73 | WELL, I'M PRETTY TIRED FROM LUGGING |
| 74 | THE TREES AROUND. |
| 75 | HEY, PHOEBE, LISTEN. |
| 76 | YOU GOT THIS ALL WRONG. |
| 77 | THOSE TREES WERE BORN TO BE CHRISTMAS TREES. |
| 78 | THEY'RE FULFILLING THEIR LIFE PURPOSE |
| 79 | BY MAKING PEOPLE HAPPY. |
| 80 | REALLY? |
| 81 | YES. |
| 82 | YES, AND, UH... THE TREES ARE HAPPY, TOO |
| 83 | BECAUSE FOR MOST OF THEM |
| 84 | IT'S THEIR ONLY CHANCE TO SEE NEW YORK. |
| 85 | AND AFTER YOU'VE DELIVERED THE DRINKS |
| 86 | YOU TAKE THE EMPTY TRAY... |
| 87 | GUNTHER, PLEASE. |
| 88 | I'VE WORKED HERE FOR 2h YEARS. |
| 89 | THE EMPTY TRAYS GO OVER THERE. |
| 90 | WHAT IF YOU PUT THEM HERE? |
| 91 | THAT'S ACTUALLY A REALLY GOOD IDEA |
| 92 | BECAUSE THAT WAY THEY'LL BE CLOSER TO THE MUGS. |
| 93 | YOU SHOULD HAVE THE OTHER WAITRESSES DO THAT, TOO. |
| 94 | THEY ALREADY DO. |
| 95 | THAT'S WHY THEY CALL IT "THE TRAY SPOT." |
| 96 | I ALWAYS HEARD THEM TALK ABOUT THAT. |
| 97 | I SORT OF JUST THOUGHT IT WAS A CLUB THEY WENT TO. |
| 98 | OH, GOD. |
| 99 | I'M SORRY. |
| 100 | IT'S ALL RIGHT... |
| 101 | SWEETHEART. |
| 102 | SO, THIS MUST BE KIND OF NEAT FOR YOU. |
| 103 | YOUR DAD TELLS ME YOU GET A COUPLE OF DAYS OFF SCHOOL |
| 104 | AND YOU DON'T HAVE TO SELL THOSE COOKIES ANYMORE. |
| 105 | WELL, I KIND OF WANTED TO SELL THE COOKIES. |
| 106 | THE GIRL WHO SELLS THE MOST WINS A TRIP TO SPACE CAMP |
| 107 | AND GETS TO SIT IN A REAL SPACE SHUTTLE. |
| 108 | WELL, YOU, UH... |
| 109 | YOU REALLY LIKE ALL THIS SPACE STUFF, HUH? |
| 110 | YEAH. |
| 111 | MY DAD SAYS |
| 112 | IF I SPENT AS MUCH TIME HELPING HIM CLEAN APARTMENTS |
| 113 | AS I DO DAYDREAMING ABOUT OUTER SPACE |
| 114 | HE'D BE ABLE TO AFFORD A TRIP TO THE TAJ MAHAL. |
| 115 | YOU'D HAVE TO CLEAN A WHOLE LOT OF APARTMENTS |
| 116 | TO GO ALL THE WAY TO INDIA. |
| 117 | NO, THE ONE IN ATLANTIC CITY. |
| 118 | DAD LOVES THE SLOTS. |
| 119 | HE SAYS HE'S GOING TO DOUBLE THE COLLEGE MONEY |
| 120 | MY GRANDMA LEFT ME. |
| 121 | HUH. WELL, GOOD LUCK TO DAD. |
| 122 | ( sighs ) |
| 123 | HOW MANY MORE BOXES WOULD YOU HAVE TO SELL |
| 124 | IN ORDER TO WIN? |
| 125 | THE GIRL WHO WON LAST YEAR SOLD 475. |
| 126 | YEAH? |
| 127 | SO FAR, I'VE SOLD 75. |
| 128 | 400, HUH? |
| 129 | WELL, THAT SOUNDS DO-ABLE. |
| 130 | HOW MUCH ARE THE BOXES? |
| 131 | FIVE DOLLARS A BOX. |
| 132 | AND WHAT IS SECOND PRIZE? |
| 133 | A TEN-SPEED BIKE |
| 134 | BUT I'D RATHER HAVE SOMETHING MY DAD COULDN'T SELL. |
| 135 | WELL, THAT MAKES SENSE. |
| 136 | COULD YOU DO ME ONE FAVOR? |
| 137 | YEAH, SARAH, ANYTHING. |
| 138 | COULD YOU PULL THE CURTAINS OPEN FOR ME? |
| 139 | THE ASTRONAUTS FROM THE SPACE SHUTTLE |
| 140 | ARE GOING TO BE ON THE NEWS. |
| 141 | SINCE WE DON'T HAVE A TV |
| 142 | THE LADY ACROSS THE ALLEY SAID SHE'D PUSH HERS UP TO HER WINDOW |
| 143 | SO I CAN WATCH IT. |
| 144 | Old Lady: YES? |
| 145 | HI. I'M SELLING BROWN BIRD COOKIES. |
| 146 | YOU'RE NO BROWN BIRD. |
| 147 | I CAN SEE YOU THROUGH MY PEEPHOLE. |
| 148 | UM, NO, HI. |
| 149 | I'M AN HONORARY BROWN BIRD. |
| 150 | ( trilling ) |
| 151 | WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? |
| 152 | WELL, IT MEANS THAT I CAN SELL COOKIES |
| 153 | BUT I'M NOT INVITED TO SLEEPOVERS. |
| 154 | I CAN DIAL 911 AT THE PRESS OF A BUTTON, YOU KNOW. |
| 155 | NOW, GO AWAY! |
| 156 | PLEASE, PLEASE. |
| 157 | IT'S FOR A POOR LITTLE GIRL WHO WANTS TO GO TO SPACE CAMP |
| 158 | MORE THAN ANYTHING IN THE WORLD. |
| 159 | I'M PRESSING. |
| 160 | A POLICEMAN IS ON HIS WAY. |
| 161 | OKAY, OKAY, I'M GOING. |
| 162 | I'M GOING. |
| 163 | I CAN STILL SEE YOU! |
| 164 | ALL RIGHT! |
| 165 | HEY. |
| 166 | HEY. WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? |
| 167 | WELL, I THOUGHT A LOT ABOUT WHAT YOU SAID |
| 168 | AND I REALIZED... |
| 169 | MAYBE I WAS A LITTLE JUDGMENTAL. |
| 170 | YEAH, OH, BUT, OH... |
| 171 | NOW, PHOEBE, REMEMBER, HEY... |
| 172 | THEY'RE JUST FULFILLING THEIR CHRISTMAS... |
| 173 | DESTINY. YES. |
| 174 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 175 | OKAY. |
| 176 | YIKES, THAT ONE DOESN'T LOOK VERY FULFILLED. |
| 177 | THAT'S ONE OF THE OLD ONES. |
| 178 | HE'S JUST TAKING IT TO THE BACK. |
| 179 | YOU KEEP THE OLD ONES IN THE BACK? |
| 180 | THAT IS SO AGEIST. |
| 181 | WELL, WE HAVE TO MAKE ROOM FOR THE FRESH ONES. |
| 182 | SO, WHAT HAPPENS TO THE OLD GUYS? |
| 183 | THEY GO INTO THE CHIPPER. |
| 184 | WHY DO I HAVE THE FEELING |
| 185 | THAT'S NOT AS HAPPY AS IT SOUNDS? |
| 186 | ( loud grinding ) |
| 187 | NO... NO! |
| 188 | HEY, HEY, HEY! |
| 189 | AND THESE COME IN THE SHAPES |
| 190 | OF YOUR FAVORITE CHRISTMAS CHARACTERS-- |
| 191 | SANTA, RUDOLPH, AND BABY JESUS. |
| 192 | ALL RIGHT, I'LL TAKE A BOX OF THE CREAM-FILLED JESUSES. |
| 193 | ONE BOX? |
| 194 | I'M TRYING TO SEND A POOR LITTLE GIRL TO SPACE CAMP. |
| 195 | I'M PUTTING YOU DOWN FOR FIVE BOXES. |
| 196 | CHANDLER, WHAT ABOUT YOU? |
| 197 | ALL RIGHT, DO YOU HAVE ANY COCONUT-FLAVORED DEITIES? |
| 198 | NO, BUT, UH |
| 199 | THERE'S COCONUT IN THE HANUKKAH MENOREOS. |
| 200 | I'LL PUT YOU DOWN FOR EIGHT BOXES-- |
| 201 | ONE FOR EACH NIGHT. |
| 202 | MON? |
| 203 | I'LL TAKE ONE BOX OF THE MINT TREASURES-- |
| 204 | ONE, AND THAT'S IT. |
| 205 | I STARTED GAINING WEIGHT AFTER I JOINED THE BROWN BIRDS. |
| 206 | REMEMBER? DAD BOUGHT EVERY ONE OF MY BOXES |
| 207 | AND I ATE THEM ALL. |
| 208 | NO, MON, DAD HAD TO BUY EVERY ONE OF YOUR BOXES |
| 209 | BECAUSE YOU ATE THEM ALL. |
| 210 | BUT, UH... |
| 211 | I'M SURE THAT'S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN THIS TIME. |
| 212 | WHY DON'T I JUST PUT YOU DOWN FOR THREE OF THE MINT TREASURES |
| 213 | AND JUST A COUPLE OF THE RUDOLPHS? |
| 214 | NO. |
| 215 | OH, COME ON NOW. |
| 216 | YOU KNOW YOU WANT THEM. |
| 217 | DON'T... DON'T... DON'T DO THIS. |
| 218 | I'LL TELL YOU WHAT, MON-- |
| 219 | I'LL GIVE YOU THE FIRST BOX FOR FREE. |
| 220 | OH, GOD, I GOT TO GO! |
| 221 | COME ON. |
| 222 | ALL THE COOL KIDS ARE EATING THEM. |
| 223 | Gunther: WHEN YOU HAVE A SECOND LATER |
| 224 | I WANT TO SHOW YOU |
| 225 | WHY WE DON'T JUST TRAP SPIDERS UNDER COFFEE MUGS |
| 226 | AND LEAVE THEM THERE. |
| 227 | I'M RETRAINING TO BE BETTER AT A JOB THAT I HATE. |
| 228 | MY LIFE OFFICIALLY SUCKS. |
| 229 | WASN'T THIS A TEMPORARY THING? |
| 230 | I THOUGHT YOU WANTED TO DO FASHION STUFF. |
| 231 | WELL, YEAH, I'M STILL PURSUING THAT. |
| 232 | HOW EXACTLY ARE YOU PURSUING THAT? |
| 233 | YOU KNOW, OTHER THAN SENDING OUT RESUMES |
| 234 | LIKE, WHAT, TWO YEARS AGO? |
| 235 | WELL, I'M ALSO SENDING OUT... |
| 236 | GOOD THOUGHTS. |
| 237 | IF YOU ASK ME |
| 238 | AS LONG AS YOU GOT THIS JOB |
| 239 | YOU GOT NOTHING PUSHING YOU TO GET ANOTHER ONE. |
| 240 | YOU NEED THE FEAR. |
| 241 | THE FEAR? |
| 242 | IF YOU QUIT THIS JOB |
| 243 | YOU THEN HAVE MOTIVATION TO GO AFTER A JOB |
| 244 | YOU REALLY WANT. |
| 245 | THEN HOW COME YOU'RE STILL AT A JOB |
| 246 | THAT YOU HATE? |
| 247 | WHY DON'T YOU QUIT AND GET THE FEAR? |
| 248 | BECAUSE I'M TOO AFRAID. |
| 249 | OH, GOD. |
| 250 | I DON'T KNOW. |
| 251 | I WOULD GIVE ANYTHING |
| 252 | TO WORK FOR A DESIGNER OR A BUYER. |
| 253 | OH, I JUST DON'T WANT TO BE 30 |
| 254 | AND STILL WORK HERE. |
| 255 | YEAH, THAT'D BE MUCH WORSE |
| 256 | THAN BEING 28 AND STILL WORKING HERE. |
| 257 | RACHEL? |
| 258 | YEAH? |
| 259 | REMIND ME TO REVIEW WITH YOU |
| 260 | WHICH POT IS DECAF AND WHICH IS REGULAR. |
| 261 | CAN'T I JUST LOOK AT THE HANDLES ON THEM? |
| 262 | YOU WOULD THINK. |
| 263 | OKAY, FINE. |
| 264 | GUNTHER, YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 265 | I AM A TERRIBLE WAITRESS. |
| 266 | DO YOU KNOW WHY I AM A TERRIBLE WAITRESS? |
| 267 | BECAUSE I DON'T CARE. |
| 268 | I DON'T CARE WHICH POT IS REGULAR |
| 269 | AND WHICH POT IS DECAF. |
| 270 | I DON'T CARE WHERE THE TRAY SPOT IS. |
| 271 | I JUST DON'T CARE. |
| 272 | THIS IS NOT WHAT I WANT TO DO. |
| 273 | SO I DON'T THINK I SHOULD DO IT ANYMORE. |
| 274 | I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU MY WEEK'S NOTICE. |
| 275 | WHAT? |
| 276 | GUNTHER, I QUIT. |
| 277 | DOES THIS MEAN |
| 278 | WE'RE GOING TO HAVE TO START PAYING FOR COFFEE? |
| 279 | OKAY, 12... |
| 280 | 22... |
| 281 | 18... |
| 282 | WHAT? |
| 283 | I SPELLED OUT "BOOBIES." |
| 284 | ROSS |
| 285 | PUT ME DOWN FOR ANOTHER BOX |
| 286 | OF THE MINT TREASURES, OKAY? |
| 287 | WHERE ARE THE MINT TREASURES? |
| 288 | UH, WE'RE OUT. |
| 289 | I SOLD THEM ALL. |
| 290 | WHAT? |
| 291 | MONICA, I'M CUTTING YOU OFF. |
| 292 | NO... NO. |
| 293 | JU-JUST A COUPLE MORE BOXES. |
| 294 | IT'S NO BIG DEAL, ALL RIGHT? |
| 295 | I-I'M COOL. |
| 296 | YOU GOT TO HELP ME OUT WITH A COUPLE MORE BOXES! |
| 297 | MON, LOOK AT YOURSELF. |
| 298 | YOU HAVE COOKIE ON YOUR NECK. |
| 299 | OH, GOD! |
| 300 | SO, HOW MANY HAVE YOU SOLD SO FAR? |
| 301 | CHECK THIS OUT-- 517 BOXES. |
| 302 | OH, MY GOD! HOW DID YOU DO THAT? |
| 303 | OKAY, THE OTHER NIGHT, I WAS LEAVING THE MUSEUM |
| 304 | JUST AS "LASER FLOYD" WAS LETTING OUT |
| 305 | OF THE PLANETARIUM? |
| 306 | WITHOUT EVEN TRYING, I SOLD 50 BOXES. |
| 307 | THAT'S WHEN IT OCCURRED TO ME-- THE KEY TO MY SUCCESS: |
| 308 | THE MUNCHIES. |
| 309 | SO, I, UH |
| 310 | STARTED HITTING THE N.Y.U. DORMS AROUND MIDNIGHT. |
| 311 | I AM SELLING COOKIES BY THE CASE. |
| 312 | THEY CALL ME "COOKIE DUDE!" |
| 313 | OKAY, EVERYBODY STOP WHAT YOU'RE DOING. |
| 314 | I NEED ENVELOPE STUFFERS. |
| 315 | I NEED STAMP LICKERS. |
| 316 | WELL, HEY, WHO DID THESE RESUMES FOR YOU? |
| 317 | ME, ON MY COMPUTER. |
| 318 | YOU SURE USED A LARGE FONT. |
| 319 | EH, YEAH. |
| 320 | WELL, UH, "WAITRESS AT A COFFEE HOUSE" |
| 321 | AND, UH, "CHEER SQUAD CO-CAPTAIN" |
| 322 | ONLY TOOK UP SO MUCH ROOM. |
| 323 | HA-HA-HEY, THAT'S FUNNY. |
| 324 | YOU'RE FUNNY, CHANDLER. |
| 325 | YOU'RE A FUNNY GUY! |
| 326 | YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE IS REALLY FUNNY? |
| 327 | SOMETHING ELSE I MIGHT HAVE SAID? |
| 328 | I DON'T KNOW. I DON'T KNOW. |
| 329 | WEREN'T YOU THE GUY THAT TOLD ME TO QUIT MY JOB |
| 330 | WHEN I HAD ABSOLUTELY NOTHING ELSE TO DO? |
| 331 | HA-HA-HA-HA-HA! |
| 332 | CALM DOWN. IT'S GOING TO BE OKAY. |
| 333 | NO, IT'S NOT GOING TO BE OKAY, ROSS. |
| 334 | TOMORROW IS MY LAST DAY, AND I DON'T HAVE A LEAD. |
| 335 | OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 336 | I'M JUST GOING TO CALL GUNTHER |
| 337 | AND I'M GOING TO TELL HIM I'M NOT QUITTING. |
| 338 | BUT, YOU-YOU DON'T WANT TO GIVE IN TO THE FEAR? |
| 339 | YOU AND YOUR STUPID FEAR. |
| 340 | I HATE YOUR FEAR! |
| 341 | I WOULD LIKE TO TAKE YOU |
| 342 | AND YOUR FEAR... |
| 343 | HEY! I GOT GREAT NEWS! |
| 344 | RUN, JOEY! |
| 345 | RUN FOR YOUR LIFE! |
| 346 | WHAT? RACH, LISTEN. |
| 347 | HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF FORTUNATA FASHIONS? |
| 348 | NO. |
| 349 | MY OLD MAN'S DOING A PLUMBING JOB DOWN THERE. |
| 350 | HE HEARD THEY HAVE AN OPENING. |
| 351 | YOU WANT ME TO SEE IF HE CAN GET YOU AN INTERVIEW? |
| 352 | YES! I WOULD LOVE THAT. |
| 353 | THAT'S SO SWEET, JOEY. |
| 354 | NOT A PROBLEM. |
| 355 | AND NOW FOR THE GREAT NEWS. |
| 356 | WHAT? THAT WASN'T THE GREAT NEWS? |
| 357 | ONLY IF YOU THINK IT'S BETTER THAN THIS... |
| 358 | SNOW IN A CAN! |
| 359 | I GOT IT AT WORK. |
| 360 | YOU WANT ME TO DECORATE THE WINDOW? |
| 361 | GIVE IT A CHRISTMAS LOOKY? |
| 362 | CHRISTMAS COOKIE? |
| 363 | THIS ONE HERE IS A DOUGLAS FIR. |
| 364 | IT'S A LITTLE MORE MONEY |
| 365 | BUT YOU GET A NICER SMELL. |
| 366 | LOOKS GOOD. I'LL TAKE IT. |
| 367 | WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, NO, NO. |
| 368 | YOU DON'T WANT THAT ONE. |
| 369 | NO, YOU CAN HAVE THIS COOL BROWN ONE. |
| 370 | OOH! |
| 371 | IT-IT'S ALMOST DEAD! |
| 372 | THAT'S WHY YOU HAVE TO BUY IT. |
| 373 | SO IT CAN FULFILL ITS CHRISTMAS DESTINY. |
| 374 | OTHERWISE, THEY'RE GOING TO THROW IT INTO THE CHIPPER. |
| 375 | TELL HIM, JOEY. |
| 376 | YEAH, THE TREES THAT DON'T FULFILL |
| 377 | THEIR CHRISTMAS DESTINY ARE THROWN IN THE CHIPPER. |
| 378 | I THINK I'M GOING TO LOOK AROUND A LITTLE BIT MORE. |
| 379 | PHEEBS, YOU GOT TO STOP DOING THIS. |
| 380 | I'M WORKING ON COMMISSION HERE. |
| 381 | OH... |
| 382 | HEY, GUYS. |
| 383 | I'M HERE TO PICK OUT MY CHRISTMAS TREE. |
| 384 | WELL, LOOK NO FURTHER. |
| 385 | THIS ONE'S YOURS. |
| 386 | AH... |
| 387 | IS THIS THE ONE |
| 388 | THAT I THREW OUT LAST YEAR? |
| 389 | ALL RIGHT, YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 390 | NEVER MIND! |
| 391 | EVERYBODY WANTS TO HAVE A GREEN ONE! |
| 392 | SORRY. I'M SORRY. |
| 393 | I DIDN'T MEAN TO GET SO EMOTIONAL. |
| 394 | I GUESS IT'S JUST... |
| 395 | THE HOLIDAYS ARE JUST HARD. |
| 396 | OH, HONEY, IT THAT 'CAUSE YOUR MOM DIED AROUND CHRISTMAS? |
| 397 | OH, I WASN'T EVEN THINKING ABOUT THAT. |
| 398 | OH. |
| 399 | HI THERE. |
| 400 | HOW MANY... HOW MANY DID YOU SELL? |
| 401 | I'M NOT GOING TO TELL YOU. |
| 402 | YOU'RE THE BAD MAN WHO BROKE SARAH'S LEG. |
| 403 | HEY, NOW, THAT WAS AN ACCIDENT, OKAY? |
| 404 | YOU'RE A BIG SCRUD. |
| 405 | WHAT'S A SCRUD? |
| 406 | WHY DON'T YOU LOOK IN THE MIRROR, SCRUD? |
| 407 | I DON'T HAVE TO. |
| 408 | I CAN JUST LOOK AT YOU. |
| 409 | ALL RIGHT, GIRLS... |
| 410 | AND MAN. |
| 411 | LET'S SEE YOUR FINAL TALLIES. |
| 412 | OH... DEBBIE. |
| 413 | 321 BOXES OF COOKIES. |
| 414 | VERY NICE. |
| 415 | NOT NICE ENOUGH. |
| 416 | CHARLA... |
| 417 | 278. |
| 418 | SORRY, DEAR, BUT STILL GOOD. |
| 419 | GOOD FOR A SCRUD. |
| 420 | OOH, YES, ELIZABETH. |
| 421 | OH! 871! |
| 422 | THAT'S CRAP! |
| 423 | ...SISTER BROWN BIRD. |
| 424 | GOOD GOING. |
| 425 | WHO'S NEXT? |
| 426 | ( clears throat ) |
| 427 | HI, THERE. |
| 428 | HI. |
| 429 | AND BATTING FOR SARAH... |
| 430 | ROSS GELLER. |
| 431 | 872. |
| 432 | ALTHOUGH IT LOOKS LIKE YOU BOUGHT |
| 433 | AN AWFUL LOT OF COOKIES YOURSELF. |
| 434 | THAT IS BECAUSE MY DOCTOR |
| 435 | SAYS THAT I HAVE A VERY SERIOUS... |
| 436 | NOUGAT... |
| 437 | DEFICIENCY. |
| 438 | TELL US WHAT HAPPENED, BROWN BIRD ROSS. |
| 439 | WELL, I LOST. |
| 440 | SOME LITTLE GIRL LOANED HER UNIFORM |
| 441 | TO HER 19-YEAR-OLD SISTER |
| 442 | WHO WENT DOWN TO THE U.S.S. NIMITZ |
| 443 | AND SOLD OVER 2,000 BOXES. |
| 444 | HOW'D THE INTERVIEW GO? |
| 445 | I BLEW IT. |
| 446 | I WOULDN'T HAVE EVEN HIRED ME. |
| 447 | OH, COME HERE, SWEETIE. |
| 448 | LISTEN, YOU'RE GOING TO GO ON |
| 449 | LIKE, A THOUSAND INTERVIEWS BEFORE YOU GET A JOB. |
| 450 | THAT'S NOT HOW THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO COME OUT. |
| 451 | THIS IS JUST THE WORST CHRISTMAS EVER. |
| 452 | YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 453 | MAYBE YOU SHOULD STAY AT THE COFFEE HOUSE. |
| 454 | I CAN'T. IT'S TOO LATE. |
| 455 | TERRY ALREADY HIRED THAT GIRL OVER THERE. |
| 456 | LOOK AT HER. |
| 457 | SHE'S EVEN GOT WAITRESS EXPERIENCE. |
| 458 | OOH! |
| 459 | LAST NIGHT SHE WAS... TEACHING EVERYBODY |
| 460 | HOW TO MAKE NAPKINS INTO... |
| 461 | ( high-pitched moan ) |
| 462 | THAT WORD WAS "SWANS." |
| 463 | WELL, SEEING THAT DRUNK SANTA WET HIMSELF |
| 464 | REALLY PERKED UP MY CHRISTMAS. |
| 465 | OH, MY GOD! |
| 466 | MERRY CHRISTMAS! MERRY CHRISTMAS! |
| 467 | OH! |
| 468 | YOU GUYS! |
| 469 | OH, GOD, YOU'RE THE BEST! |
| 470 | IT'S LIKE NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD CHRISTMAS TREES. |
| 471 | ( phone rings ) |
| 472 | HELLO? |
| 473 | YEAH, THIS IS SHE. |
| 474 | OH! |
| 475 | YOU'RE KIDDING. |
| 476 | YOU'RE KIDDING! |
| 477 | OH, THANK YOU! |
| 478 | I LOVE YOU! |
| 479 | SURE, EVERYBODY LOVES A KIDDER. |
| 480 | I GOT THE JOB! |
| 481 | ALL RIGHT! THAT'S GREAT. |
| 482 | GOD BLESS US, EVERY ONE. |
| 483 | HERE WE GO. |
| 484 | I'M SERVING MY LAST CUP OF COFFEE. |
| 485 | ( all humming "Pomp and Circumstance" ) |
| 486 | THERE YOU GO. |
| 487 | ENJOY. |
| 488 | SHOULD I TELL HER I ORDERED TEA? |
| 489 | NO. |
| 490 | UM, EXCUSE ME, EVERYONE. |
| 491 | UH, THIS IS MY LAST NIGHT WORKING HERE |
| 492 | AND, UH, I JUST WANTED TO SAY |
| 493 | THAT I MADE SOME REALLY GOOD FRIENDS HERE |
| 494 | AND, UH, IT'S JUST TIME TO MOVE ON. |
| 495 | UH, NO OFFENSE TO EVERYBODY WHO, UH, STILL WORKS HERE |
| 496 | BUT YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW GOOD IT FEELS TO SAY |
| 497 | THAT AS OF THIS MOMENT |
| 498 | I WILL NEVER HAVE TO MAKE COFFEE AGAIN. |
| 499 | NOW, MR. KAPLAN SR. LIKES HIS COFFEE STRONG |
| 500 | SO YOU WANT TO USE TWO BAGS |
| 501 | INSTEAD OF ONE, SEE. |
| 502 | NOW PAY ATTENTION, 'CAUSE THIS PART'S TRICKY. |
| 503 | SEE, SOME PEOPLE USE FILTERS JUST ONCE. |
| 504 | UM, I'M SORRY YOU DIDN'T GET TO GO TO SPACE CAMP |
| 505 | BUT I'M HOPING THAT MAYBE, SOMEHOW |
| 506 | THIS MAY HELP MAKE UP FOR IT, OKAY? |
| 507 | PRESENTING, SARAH TUTTLE'S PRIVATE, VERY SPECIAL |
| 508 | SPACE CAMP! |
| 509 | REALLY, MR. GELLER, YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO THIS. |
| 510 | OH, COME ON. |
| 511 | HERE WE GO. |
| 512 | STAND BY FOR MISSION COUNTDOWN. |
| 513 | ( echoing ): TEN... TEN |
| 514 | NINE... NINE |
| 515 | EIGHT... EIGHT... EIGHT... |
| 516 | COME ON. |
| 517 | OKAY, BLAST OFF! |
| 518 | ( vibratory humming ) |
| 519 | ( high-pitched squawking ) |
| 520 | ( beeping ) |
| 521 | ( falsetto ): I'M AN ALIEN. I'M AN ALIEN. |
| 522 | OH, NO, AN ASTEROID! |
| 523 | OH, SORRY. |
| 524 | [Captioned by The Caption Center WGBH Educational Foundation] |
| 525 | |
| 1 | PICK A CARD. ANY CARD. |
| 2 | ALL RIGHT, NOW MEMORIZE IT. |
| 3 | SHOW IT TO EVERYBODY. |
| 4 | GOT IT? |
| 5 | ALL RIGHT, GIVE IT BACK TO ME. |
| 6 | FIVE OF HEARTS. |
| 7 | REAL MAGIC DOES EXIST. |
| 8 | WOW, JOEY, HOW DO YOU DO IT? |
| 9 | I CAN'T TELL YOU THAT. NO. |
| 10 | ( knocking ) |
| 11 | UH, SOMEBODY'S AT THE DOOR ON THE CEILING. |
| 12 | NO, THAT'S OUR UNBELIEVABLY LOUD |
| 13 | UPSTAIRS NEIGHBOR. |
| 14 | HE TOOK UP THE CARPETS |
| 15 | AND NOW YOU CAN HEAR EVERYTHING. |
| 16 | WHY DON'T YOU GO UP THERE |
| 17 | AND ASK HIM TO JUST STEP LIGHTLY, PLEASE? |
| 18 | I HAVE, LIKE, FIVE TIMES |
| 19 | BUT THE GUY IS SO CHARMING |
| 20 | THAT I GO UP THERE TO YELL |
| 21 | AND THEN I END UP APOLOGIZING TO HIM. |
| 22 | OH, THAT IS SILLY. |
| 23 | I'LL GO UP THERE. |
| 24 | I'LL TELL HIM TO KEEP IT DOWN. |
| 25 | BE MY GUEST. |
| 26 | GOOD LUCK. |
| 27 | IF YOU REALLY WANT TO KNOW HOW I DID IT |
| 28 | I'LL SHOW YOU. |
| 29 | WHEN YOU HANDED ME BACK THE CARD |
| 30 | WHAT YOU DIDN'T SEE WAS I LOOKED AT IT SO FAST |
| 31 | IT WAS INVISIBLE TO THE NAKED EYE. |
| 32 | I JUST DID IT. |
| 33 | I JUST DID IT AGAIN. |
| 34 | HERE, I'LL SLOW IT DOWN SO YOU GUY CAN SEE IT. |
| 35 | READY? |
| 36 | OH! OH! OH! |
| 37 | ( knocking ) |
| 38 | ( door opening ) |
| 39 | Man: OH, HOW'S IT GOING? |
| 40 | Phoebe: LOOK, I LIVE WITH MY FRIENDS DOWNSTAIRS |
| 41 | AND WE HEAR EVERYTHING YOU DO. |
| 42 | ( Phoebe shouting ) |
| 43 | ( short, disarming reply ) |
| 44 | OH, THANK YOU! |
| 45 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 46 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 47 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 48 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 49 | ♪ WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY ♪ |
| 50 | ♪ YOUR WEEK, YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 51 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 52 | ♪ WHEN THE RAIN STARTS TO POUR ♪ |
| 53 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 54 | ♪ LIKE I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE ♪ |
| 55 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 56 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME, TOO. ♪ |
| 57 | HI. |
| 58 | ANYBODY GOT A LENGTH OF ROPE |
| 59 | ABOUT SIX FEET LONG, LITTLE NOOSE AT THE END? |
| 60 | HONEY, WHAT'S THE MATTER? |
| 61 | I JUST SAW JANICE. |
| 62 | ( all groan ) |
| 63 | YEAH, SHE WAS AT ROCKEFELLER CENTER |
| 64 | SKATING WITH HER HUSBAND. |
| 65 | SHE LOOKED SO HAPPY. |
| 66 | ALMOST FEEL BAD |
| 67 | FOR WHIPPING THAT KID'S PRETZEL AT THEM. |
| 68 | I REMEMBER THE TIME I SAW KATHERINE |
| 69 | AFTER WE BROKE UP. |
| 70 | SHE WAS JUST WALKING WITH HER FRIEND DONNA |
| 71 | JUST LAUGHING AND TALKING... |
| 72 | IT KILLED ME. |
| 73 | YES, BUT YOU ENDED UP |
| 74 | HAVING SEX WITH BOTH OF THEM THAT AFTERNOON. |
| 75 | SORRY. |
| 76 | JUST ANY EXCUSE TO TELL THAT STORY. |
| 77 | CHANDLER, THERE'S A PARTY TOMORROW. |
| 78 | YOU'LL FEEL BETTER THEN. |
| 79 | OH, I'M GOING TO BE OKAY. |
| 80 | YOU DON'T HAVE TO THROW A PARTY FOR ME. |
| 81 | IT'S JOEY'S BIRTHDAY. |
| 82 | WELL, IF ANYBODY SHOULD HAVE A PARTY |
| 83 | IT SHOULD BE HIM. |
| 84 | Phoebe: OH, YEAH, YEAH. |
| 85 | I CANNOT BELIEVE SHE'S STILL UP THERE. |
| 86 | ( guy tells garbled joke ) |
| 87 | ( Phoebe laughs gaily ) |
| 88 | OKAY, WELL, HE TOTALLY SCREWED UP THE PUNCH LINE. |
| 89 | YOU KNOW, IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE... |
| 90 | ( garbled ) |
| 91 | HOW'S THAT COFFEE COMING, DEAR? |
| 92 | YEAH, RIGHT AWAY, MR. KAPLAN. |
| 93 | I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO DRINK COFFEE. |
| 94 | IT MAKES ME GASSY. |
| 95 | I KNOW. |
| 96 | I'LL BET YOU'RE THINKING |
| 97 | WHAT'S AN INTELLIGENT GIRL |
| 98 | WHO WANTS TO BE IN FASHION |
| 99 | DOING MAKING COFFEE, HUH? |
| 100 | HUH? |
| 101 | HA! YOU GOT ME. |
| 102 | DON'T THINK I HAVEN'T NOTICED YOUR POTENTIAL. |
| 103 | I'VE GOT A PROJECT FOR YOU |
| 104 | THAT'S A LOT MORE RELATED TO FASHION. |
| 105 | HOW DOES THAT SOUND? |
| 106 | THAT SOUNDS GREAT. |
| 107 | COME ON OVER HERE, SWEETHEART. |
| 108 | THANK YOU SO MUCH, MR. KAPLAN. |
| 109 | THANK YOU SO MUCH. |
| 110 | I NEED THESE HANGERS SEPARATED A.S.A.P. |
| 111 | YOU'RE WELCOME. |
| 112 | OH, GOD, I HATE MY JOB. |
| 113 | I HATE IT. |
| 114 | I KNOW, HONEY. I'M SORRY. |
| 115 | OH, I WANT TO QUIT |
| 116 | BUT THEN I THINK I SHOULD STICK IT OUT. |
| 117 | THEN I THINK WHY WOULD SUCH A PERSON |
| 118 | STAY IN SUCH A DEMEANING JOB |
| 119 | JUST BECAUSE IT'S REMOTELY RELATED |
| 120 | TO THE FIELD THEY'RE INTERESTED IN. |
| 121 | GEE, I DON'T KNOW, RACH. |
| 122 | ORDER UP. |
| 123 | I GOT A YENTL SOUP, A JAMES BEANS |
| 124 | AND A HOWDY, HOLD THE DOODY. |
| 125 | COME ON, I'M SORRY. |
| 126 | I DON'T MIND PAYING MY DUES, YOU KNOW? |
| 127 | IT'S JUST... HOW MUCH AM I GOING TO LEARN ABOUT FASHION |
| 128 | BY WALKING MYRA, THE ARTHRITIC SEAMSTRESS |
| 129 | TO THE BATHROOM? |
| 130 | ( chuckling ) |
| 131 | HI. |
| 132 | IS MY MISERY AMUSING TO YOU? |
| 133 | I'M SORRY. |
| 134 | I WAS JUST... |
| 135 | IT'S NOT FUNNY. |
| 136 | THIS IS ACTUALLY MY JOB. |
| 137 | OH, BELIEVE ME, I'VE BEEN THERE. |
| 138 | I HAD TO SORT MANNEQUIN HEADS |
| 139 | AT THAT MANNEQUINS PLUS. |
| 140 | OH, WELL, THEN |
| 141 | I'M JUST GOING TO GO BACK TALKING TO MY FRIEND HERE |
| 142 | AND YOU CAN GO BACK TO ENJOYING |
| 143 | YOUR LITTLE HAMBURGER. |
| 144 | JUST, UH, ONE OTHER THING? |
| 145 | YES? |
| 146 | I WORK AT BLOOMINGDALE'S |
| 147 | AND I MIGHT KNOW OF A JOB POSSIBILITY |
| 148 | IF YOU'RE... IF YOU'RE INTERESTED. |
| 149 | DO YOU WANT MY PICKLE? |
| 150 | Gunther: HI, GUYS. |
| 151 | HEY, GUNTHER. HI. |
| 152 | YOU'RE GOING ON A DATE WITH THE NOISY GUY UPSTAIRS? |
| 153 | WELL, HE'S VERY CHARMING. |
| 154 | HE'S TOO CHARMING |
| 155 | BUT IF YOU TWO START GOING OUT |
| 156 | IT'LL MAKE IT HARDER FOR ME TO HATE HIM. |
| 157 | WELL, YOU'RE JUST GOING TO HAVE TO TRY. |
| 158 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 159 | JOEY, WHERE ARE THE JELL-O SHOTS? |
| 160 | I DON'T KNOW. |
| 161 | CHANDLER'S SUPPOSED TO BE PASSING THEM... |
| 162 | CHANDLER! |
| 163 | HELLO-DEE-LO! |
| 164 | SOMEBODY'S FEELING BETTER. |
| 165 | YEAH. |
| 166 | STICK OUT YOUR TONGUE. |
| 167 | TAKE OFF YOUR SHIRT! |
| 168 | OH, MY GOD! |
| 169 | HOW MANY DID YOU HAVE? |
| 170 | THESE ARE PURE VODKA. |
| 171 | YEAH, JELL-O JUST LIKE MOM USED TO MAKE. |
| 172 | THE MOST UNBELIEVABLE THING |
| 173 | HAPPENED TO ME TODAY. |
| 174 | HI. |
| 175 | HI. |
| 176 | THIS GUY STARTS TALKING TO ME AT MONICA'S |
| 177 | AND HE WORKS FOR A BUYER AT BLOOMINGDALE'S. |
| 178 | THERE HAPPENS TO BE AN OPENING IN HIS DEPARTMENT |
| 179 | AND HE'S GOING TO CALL ME THIS WEEKEND |
| 180 | TO SEE IF HE CAN GET ME AN INTERVIEW. |
| 181 | WOW. |
| 182 | I KNOW. |
| 183 | SO, THIS GUY IS HELPING YOU |
| 184 | FOR NO APPARENT REASON? |
| 185 | UH-HUH. |
| 186 | AND HE'S A TOTAL STRANGER? |
| 187 | YEAH. |
| 188 | HIS NAME IS, UM, MARK SOMETHING. |
| 189 | HUH. SOUNDS LIKE MARK SOMETHING |
| 190 | WANTS TO HAVE SOME SEX. |
| 191 | WHAT? |
| 192 | I'M JUST SAYING, I MEAN |
| 193 | WHY ELSE WOULD HE, YOU KNOW, SWOOP IN OUT OF NOWHERE |
| 194 | FOR NO REASON? |
| 195 | TO BE NICE. |
| 196 | JOEY, ARE MEN EVER NICE |
| 197 | TO STRANGE WOMEN FOR NO REASON? |
| 198 | NO. ONLY FOR SEX. |
| 199 | THANK YOU. |
| 200 | SO, DID YOU, UH, TELL MARK SOMETHING ABOUT ME? |
| 201 | I DIDN'T HAVE TO BECAUSE I WAS WEARING |
| 202 | MY "I HEART ROSS" SANDWICH BOARD |
| 203 | AND RINGING MY BELL. |
| 204 | All: JOEY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY! |
| 205 | HEY-EY-EY-EY! |
| 206 | OKAY, HOW MANY OF THAT GIRL ARE YOU SEEING? |
| 207 | HOW HAMMERED ARE YOU, HUH? |
| 208 | THESE ARE JOEY'S SISTERS. |
| 209 | HI, JOEY'S SISTERS! |
| 210 | HEY, WHAT ARE WE DRINKING OVER HERE? |
| 211 | OH, WELL, I HAVE A VODKA AND CRANBERRY JUICE. |
| 212 | NO KIDDING? |
| 213 | THAT'S THE EXACT SAME DRINK I MADE MYSELF |
| 214 | RIGHT AFTER I SHOT MY HUSBAND. |
| 215 | WOW. |
| 216 | OKAY, I DON'T KNOW HOW TO TALK TO YOU. |
| 217 | WHAT YOU DOING? |
| 218 | OH, I'M TAKING MY EX-GIRLFRIEND |
| 219 | OFF MY SPEED DIALER. |
| 220 | OHH! OHH! |
| 221 | NO, IT'S A GOOD THING. |
| 222 | WHY MUST WE DIAL SO SPEEDILY ANYWAY? |
| 223 | WHY MUST WE RUSH THROUGH LIFE? |
| 224 | WHY CAN'T WE SAVOR THE PRECIOUS MOMENTS? |
| 225 | THOSE ARE SOME HUGE BREASTS YOU HAVE. |
| 226 | HI. |
| 227 | HI. |
| 228 | YEAH, SO, UM, I HEARD ABOUT THIS MARK GUY |
| 229 | THAT RACHEL MET TODAY. |
| 230 | ISN'T THAT GREAT? |
| 231 | OH, YEAH. |
| 232 | SO, UH, YEAH, PRETTY, PRETTY... |
| 233 | SOUNDS LIKE A NICE, GOOD GUY. |
| 234 | OH, HE IS, AND HE IS SO DREAMY. |
| 235 | WHEN HE LEFT |
| 236 | I ACTUALLY USED THE PHRASE, "HUMMINA HUMMINA." |
| 237 | THAT'S EXCELLENT. |
| 238 | SO, HE'S JUST A NICE GUY. |
| 239 | AND THIS MARK DOESN'T WANT ANYTHING |
| 240 | IN EXCHANGE FOR HELPING YOU? |
| 241 | WELL, I ASSUME I'LL HAVE TO TAKE SHOWERS WITH HIM |
| 242 | BUT, YOU KNOW, THAT'S TRUE OF ANY JOB. |
| 243 | ( groans ) |
| 244 | UH-OH. |
| 245 | HOW YOU FEELING? |
| 246 | WELL, MY APARTMENT ISN'T THERE ANYMORE |
| 247 | BECAUSE I DRANK IT. |
| 248 | WHERE'D YOU GET TO? |
| 249 | WE LOST YOU AFTER YOU OPENED UP ALL THE PRESENTS. |
| 250 | YEAH, I ENDED UP IN THE STORAGE ROOM |
| 251 | AND NOT ALONE. |
| 252 | All: WHOO-HOO! |
| 253 | AH, NO "WHOO-HOOING." |
| 254 | NO "WHOO-HOOING." |
| 255 | WHY? WHAT HAPPENED? |
| 256 | UH... |
| 257 | I FOOLED AROUND WITH JOEY'S SISTER. |
| 258 | ( gasps ) |
| 259 | WELL, THAT'S NOT THE WORST PART. |
| 260 | WHAT IS THE WORST PART? |
| 261 | I CAN'T REMEMBER WHICH SISTER. |
| 262 | YOU SEE WHAT MEN DO? |
| 263 | DON'T TELL ME MEN ARE NICE. |
| 264 | THIS IS MEN! |
| 265 | ARE YOU INSANE? |
| 266 | JOEY'S ACTUALLY GOING TO KILL YOU DEAD. |
| 267 | OKAY. YOU DON'T THINK I THOUGHT OF THAT? |
| 268 | HOW CAN YOU NOT KNOW WHICH ONE? |
| 269 | IT'S UNBELIEVABLE. |
| 270 | I MEAN, WAS IT GINA? |
| 271 | WHICH ONE IS GINA? |
| 272 | THE DARK... BIG HAIR, AIRPLANE EARRINGS. |
| 273 | THAT'S NOT GINA. THAT'S DINA. |
| 274 | YOU SEE?! |
| 275 | YOU CAN'T TELL WHICH IS WHICH EITHER. THWA! |
| 276 | BUT WE DIDN'T FOOL AROUND |
| 277 | WITH ANY OF THEM. THWA! THWA! |
| 278 | VERONICA. LOOK, IT'S GOT TO BE VERONICA-- |
| 279 | THE GIRL IN THE RED SKIRT. |
| 280 | I DEFINITELY STUCK MY TONGUE DOWN HER THROAT. |
| 281 | THAT WAS ME. |
| 282 | LOOK, WHEN I'VE BEEN DRINKING |
| 283 | SOMETIMES I TEND TO GET A LITTLE OVERLY FRIENDLY |
| 284 | AND I'M, I'M SORRY. |
| 285 | THAT'S OKAY. |
| 286 | THAT'S ALL RIGHT. |
| 287 | THAT'S OKAY. |
| 288 | CAN I TALK TO YOU FOR A SECOND? |
| 289 | HEY, JOEY. |
| 290 | COME ON. |
| 291 | WHY CAN'T WE TALK IN HERE? |
| 292 | W-WITH WITNESSES? |
| 293 | I JUST GOT OFF THE PHONE WITH MY SISTER. |
| 294 | UH, WHICH, WHICH ONE? |
| 295 | MARY ANGELA. |
| 296 | MARY ANGELA. |
| 297 | WHICH ONE IS SHE AGAIN? |
| 298 | WHY DON'T YOU ASK CHANDLER |
| 299 | 'CAUSE HE'S THE ONE |
| 300 | WHO FOOLED AROUND WITH HER. |
| 301 | YOU SAID YOU COULD REALLY FALL FOR HER. |
| 302 | NOW, IS THAT TRUE |
| 303 | OR ARE YOU JUST GETTING OVER JANICE |
| 304 | BY GROPING MY SISTER? |
| 305 | IT'S GOT TO BE THE FIRST ONE. |
| 306 | REALLY? |
| 307 | THAT'S GREAT! |
| 308 | ♪ YOU AND MY SISTER, SITTING IN A TREE... ♪ |
| 309 | YUP, I'M IN A TREE. |
| 310 | DID HE CALL? |
| 311 | DID MARK CALL? |
| 312 | NO, HONEY, I'M SORRY |
| 313 | BUT THE WEEKEND'S NOT OVER. |
| 314 | ( Phoebe chuckling ) |
| 315 | OH, MY GOD, IS THAT PHOEBE? |
| 316 | GUESS THEY'RE BACK FROM THEIR DATE. |
| 317 | MUSIC. |
| 318 | VERY NICE. |
| 319 | ( muffled voices ) |
| 320 | ( muffled moaning and groaning ) |
| 321 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 322 | ( moans and groans get louder ) |
| 323 | SO, HOW ARE YOU? |
| 324 | I AM GOOD. |
| 325 | I FINISHED MY BOOK. |
| 326 | WHAT'S IT ABOUT? |
| 327 | I DON'T REMEMBER. |
| 328 | DO YOU WANT TO TAKE A WALK? |
| 329 | YEAH. |
| 330 | "DEAR MARY ANGELA: |
| 331 | "HI. HOW'S IT GOING? |
| 332 | THIS IS THE HARDEST LETTER I'VE EVER HAD TO WRITE." |
| 333 | WHAT THE HELL'S THE MATTER WITH YOU? |
| 334 | HOW DO YOU THINK JOEY'LL REACT |
| 335 | TO BLOWING OFF HIS SISTER WITH A LETTER? |
| 336 | THAT'S THE PART WHERE YOU TELL HIM |
| 337 | THAT I MOVED TO FRANCE. |
| 338 | WHEN ACTUALLY I'LL BE IN CUBA. |
| 339 | LOOK, LOOK, YOU'VE GOT TO DO THIS YOURSELF, OKAY? |
| 340 | IN PERSON. |
| 341 | AT LEAST YOU KNOW HER NAME. |
| 342 | YOU JUST GO TO THE HOUSE |
| 343 | AND YOU ASK FOR MARY ANGELA. |
| 344 | WHEN WHICHEVER ONE SHE IS COMES TO THE DOOR |
| 345 | YOU TAKE HER FOR A WALK, YOU LET HER DOWN EASY. |
| 346 | OKAY. WHAT IF MARY ANGELA COMES TO THE DOOR |
| 347 | AND I ASK FOR MARY ANGELA? |
| 348 | WHERE IN CUBA? |
| 349 | JOEY, WH-WH-UH, WH-WH-UH, W-W-WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? |
| 350 | WAITING FOR MY GRANDMA TO FINISH MY LAUNDRY. |
| 351 | WHAT ABOUT YOU? |
| 352 | I'M, UH, I'M HERE TO SEE MARY ANGELA. |
| 353 | YOU ARE SO THE MAN. |
| 354 | COME ON. |
| 355 | NOW, LOOK, LISTEN. LISTEN. |
| 356 | YOU GOT TO BE COOL |
| 357 | 'CAUSE MY GRANDMA DOESN'T KNOW ABOUT YOU TWO YET |
| 358 | AND YOU DO NOT WANT TO TICK HER OFF. |
| 359 | SHE WAS, LIKE, THE SIXTH PERSON |
| 360 | TO SPIT ON MUSSOLINI'S HANGING BODY. |
| 361 | WHERE'S MARY ANGELA? |
| 362 | SHE'S RIGHT IN THERE. |
| 363 | CHANDLER! HEY, CHANDLER! |
| 364 | HEY! HEY, CHANDLER! |
| 365 | MARK DIDN'T CALL. |
| 366 | IT'S SUNDAY NIGHT AND HE DIDN'T CALL. |
| 367 | BUMMER. |
| 368 | YEAH, RIGHT. |
| 369 | LOOK AT YOU. |
| 370 | YOU'RE PRACTICALLY GIDDY. |
| 371 | NO, I'M GENUINELY SORRY THE MARK THING DIDN'T WORK OUT. |
| 372 | LOOK, RACH, I WANT ONLY GOOD THINGS FOR YOU. |
| 373 | WAIT A MINUTE. |
| 374 | WHY DON'T YOU JUST CALL MARK? |
| 375 | WHO SAYS YOU HAVE TO SIT HERE AND WAIT FOR HIM? |
| 376 | YOU'VE GOT TO MAKE STUFF HAPPEN. |
| 377 | BUT YOU DON'T WANT TO SEEM TOO PUSHY. |
| 378 | HE GAVE HER HIS HOME NUMBER. |
| 379 | WHA... HE GAVE YOU HIS HOME NUMBER |
| 380 | AS IN, LIKE, TO, TO HIS HOME? |
| 381 | AND YOU WON'T MIND IF I CALL |
| 382 | BECAUSE YOU ONLY WANT GOOD THINGS FOR ME. |
| 383 | THAT'S RIGHT-- GOOD THINGS. |
| 384 | THAT-THAT IS WHAT I SAID. |
| 385 | HELLO, MARK? |
| 386 | HI, IT'S RACHEL GREEN. |
| 387 | OH, NO, DON'T YOU APOLOGIZE. |
| 388 | YEAH, I'LL HOLD. |
| 389 | HE LEFT MY NUMBER AT WORK. |
| 390 | HE WAS GOING TO GET IT |
| 391 | BUT HE WAS HELPING HIS NIECE WITH HER REPORT |
| 392 | ON THE PIONEERS. |
| 393 | THAT IS SO MADE UP. |
| 394 | YEAH. OH, MY GOD, TOMORROW? |
| 395 | NO, IT'S PERFECT. |
| 396 | OH, GOD, THANK YOU SO MUCH. |
| 397 | GREAT. BYE. |
| 398 | OH! I GOT THE INTERVIEW. |
| 399 | OH, YAY! THERE YOU GO. |
| 400 | HE EVEN OFFERED TO MEET ME FOR LUNCH |
| 401 | AND PREP ME FOR IT. |
| 402 | OH, THAT IS AMAZING! |
| 403 | YEAH. WELL, IF I KNOW MARK-- AND I THINK I DO-- |
| 404 | I'D EXPECT NOTHING LESS. |
| 405 | I GOT TO FIGURE OUT |
| 406 | WHAT I'M GOING TO WEAR. |
| 407 | HIGH COLLAR AND BAGGY PANTS SAY "I'M A PRO." |
| 408 | YEAH, RIGHT. |
| 409 | OKAY, I'LL SEE YOU GUYS LATER. |
| 410 | WHOO-HOO! |
| 411 | YOU GO GET 'EM. |
| 412 | WHAT DID I DO TO YOU? |
| 413 | DID I HURT YOU IN SOME WAY? |
| 414 | WHAT? |
| 415 | "WHY DON'T YOU CALL HIM?" |
| 416 | THANK YOU VERY MUCH. |
| 417 | YOU KNOW, NOW HE'S GOING TO PREP HER. |
| 418 | YOU KNOW, PREP HER |
| 419 | AS IN WHAT YOU DO |
| 420 | BEFORE YOU SURGICALLY REMOVE THE BOYFRIEND! |
| 421 | ARE YOU CRAZY? |
| 422 | AM I? AM I? |
| 423 | AM I OUT OF MY MIND? |
| 424 | AM I LO-O-OSING MY SENSES? |
| 425 | THIS DREAMY GUY IS TAKING MY GIRLFRIEND OUT FOR A MEAL. |
| 426 | ROSS, YOU KNOW, THIS ISN'T EVEN ABOUT YOU. |
| 427 | THIS IS ABOUT SOMETHING WONDERFUL |
| 428 | HAPPENING FOR RACHEL. |
| 429 | EVEN IF YOU'RE RIGHT-- |
| 430 | WHAT IF HE WANTS TO SLEEP WITH HER? |
| 431 | DOES THAT MEAN HE GETS TO? |
| 432 | DON'T YOU TRUST HER? |
| 433 | WELL... YEAH, I... |
| 434 | THEN GET OVER YOURSELF. |
| 435 | GROW UP. |
| 436 | YOU GROW UP. |
| 437 | THIS TIRAMISU IS, IS, IS EXCELLENT. |
| 438 | DID YOU MAKE IT, MARY ANGELA? |
| 439 | NO, I DID. |
| 440 | WELL, I-I-IT'S YUMMY. |
| 441 | SO, UH |
| 442 | MARY ANGELA... DO YOU LIKE IT? |
| 443 | OF COURSE. |
| 444 | IT'S HER FAVORITE. |
| 445 | SO, UM... MARY ANGELA, WHAT'S YOUR SECOND FAVORITE? |
| 446 | MORE OF GRANDMA'S TIRAMISU. |
| 447 | OH, WOULD YOU JUST PLEASE...?! |
| 448 | GIVE ME THE RECIPE 'CAUSE THIS IS GREAT. |
| 449 | IT'S TOPNOTCH. |
| 450 | THAT DIES WITH ME. |
| 451 | SO WILL I. |
| 452 | EXCUSE YOURSELF AND GO TO THE BATHROOM. |
| 453 | OH, NO, NO, NO, I WAS JUST SQUINTING. |
| 454 | THAT DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING. |
| 455 | JUST DO IT. |
| 456 | WILL YOU EXCUSE ME? |
| 457 | I HAVE TO, UM... |
| 458 | HEY... |
| 459 | FINALLY! I THOUGHT WE'D NEVER BE ALONE. |
| 460 | CAN I JUST TELL YOU SOMETHING? |
| 461 | I HAVE NOT STOPPED THINKING ABOUT YOU |
| 462 | SINCE THE PARTY. |
| 463 | LOOK, I MAY HAVE JUMPED THE GUN HERE. |
| 464 | UH... |
| 465 | ( clearing throat ) |
| 466 | I JUST GOT OUT OF A RELATIONSHIP |
| 467 | AND I'M NOT REALLY IN A... |
| 468 | IN A COMMITMENT KIND OF PLACE. |
| 469 | SO? ME NEITHER. |
| 470 | GOD, MARY ANGELA WAS RIGHT. |
| 471 | YOU DO HAVE THE SOFTEST LIPS. |
| 472 | YOU'RE NOT MARY ANGELA? |
| 473 | NO! I'M MARY THERESE. |
| 474 | THIS IS SO BAD. |
| 475 | IF, IF YOU'RE NOT MARY ANGELA |
| 476 | THEN, UH, THEN WHO IS? |
| 477 | I AM. |
| 478 | OH, IT'S SO BAD. |
| 479 | JOEY!!! |
| 480 | NO JOEY! NO JOEY! NO JOEY! |
| 481 | WHAT'S GOING ON? |
| 482 | YOU'RE IT. |
| 483 | NOW, RUN AND HIDE. |
| 484 | IT'S NO BIG DEAL. |
| 485 | CHANDLER WAS JUST KISSING ME |
| 486 | 'CAUSE HE THOUGHT I WAS MARY ANGELA. |
| 487 | WHAT?! |
| 488 | HOW COULD YOU THINK SHE WAS MARY ANGELA? |
| 489 | I WASN'T SURE WHICH ONE MARY ANGELA WAS. |
| 490 | ( gasping ) |
| 491 | LOOK, I'M SORRY, OKAY? |
| 492 | I WAS REALLY DRUNK |
| 493 | AND YOU GUYS ALL LOOK REALLY SIMILAR. |
| 494 | PUNCH HIM, JOEY. |
| 495 | Sisters: YEAH! |
| 496 | YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 497 | WE SHOULD ALL CALM DOWN |
| 498 | BECAUSE YOUR BROTHER'S NOT GOING TO PUNCH ME. |
| 499 | OH, YEAH? |
| 500 | WELL, THAT'S USUALLY WHAT I WOULD DO, BUT... |
| 501 | I JUST NEVER THOUGHT YOU'D BE |
| 502 | ON THE RECEIVING END OF IT. |
| 503 | HOW COULD YOU DO THIS?! |
| 504 | JOEY, IF YOU WANT TO PUNCH ME, GO AHEAD. |
| 505 | I DESERVE IT |
| 506 | BUT I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW |
| 507 | THAT I WOULD NEVER SOBERLY HURT YOU OR YOUR FAMILY. |
| 508 | YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND. |
| 509 | I WOULD NEVER DO ANYTHING LIKE THIS EVER AGAIN. |
| 510 | SO WHAT? |
| 511 | I SAY PUNCH HIM. |
| 512 | YEAH! PUNCH HIM! |
| 513 | NO, I'M NOT GOING TO PUNCH CHANDLER. |
| 514 | I'LL DO IT. |
| 515 | NO, YOU WON'T. |
| 516 | LOOK, HE KNOWS HE DID A TERRIBLE THING |
| 517 | AND I BELIEVE HIM. |
| 518 | HE'S SORRY. |
| 519 | BUT YOU GOT ONE MORE APOLOGY TO MAKE. |
| 520 | YOU GOT TO APOLOGIZE TO MARY ANGELA. |
| 521 | OKAY. ABSOLUTELY. |
| 522 | YOU GOT IT. |
| 523 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 524 | COOKIE, NOW YOU CAN PUNCH HIM. |
| 525 | WHAT? |
| 526 | HEY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? |
| 527 | YOU KNOW, THIS BUILDING'S ON MY PAPER ROUTE, SO, UH... |
| 528 | OH...! HI. |
| 529 | HOW DID IT GO? |
| 530 | WELL, THE WOMAN |
| 531 | I INTERVIEWED WITH WAS TOUGH |
| 532 | BUT THANK GOD MARK COACHED ME |
| 533 | BECAUSE ONCE I STARTED TALKING ABOUT THE FALL LINE |
| 534 | SHE GOT ALL HAPPY AND WOULDN'T SHUT UP. |
| 535 | I'M SO PROUD OF YOU. |
| 536 | ME, TOO! |
| 537 | LISTEN, I'M, UH... |
| 538 | I'M SORRY I'VE BEEN SO CRAZY AND JEALOUS AND... |
| 539 | IT'S JUST I LIKE YOU A LOT, SO... |
| 540 | I KNOW. |
| 541 | YEAH? YEAH. |
| 542 | RACHEL. HI. |
| 543 | I JUST TALKED TO JOANNA |
| 544 | AND SHE LOVES YOU. |
| 545 | YOU'VE GOT IT. |
| 546 | YOU GOT THE JOB. |
| 547 | OH...! I DID?! |
| 548 | YES. |
| 549 | OH, MY GOD! |
| 550 | CONGRATU... |
| 551 | ( squealing ) |
| 552 | WOW. |
| 553 | ...LATIONS. |
| 554 | PHOEBE, HOW WAS YOUR DATE? |
| 555 | OH, WELL, YOU KNOW. |
| 556 | ( giggles ) |
| 557 | YEAH, I DO KNOW. |
| 558 | UGH. YOU WERE EAVESDROPPING? |
| 559 | EAVESDROPPING? PHEEBS, THE CEILING TILES |
| 560 | WERE FALLING DOWN. |
| 561 | OH, I'M SORRY... |
| 562 | BUT I REALLY LIKE THIS GUY |
| 563 | AND I THINK HE REALLY HAPPENS TO LIKE ME. |
| 564 | ( springs squeaking, rhythmic thumping, man groaning ) |
| 565 | MAYBE HE'S JUST JUMPING |
| 566 | ON A POGO STICK AND REALLY LIKES IT. |
| 567 | ( woman screaming and moaning ) |
| 568 | ( man groaning ) |
| 569 | MAYBE THE POGO STICK LIKES IT, TOO. |
| 570 | ALL RIGHT, THAT'S IT. |
| 571 | HE CANNOT DO THIS TO PHOEBE. |
| 572 | THIS GUY'S GOING TO GET THE BUTT-KICKING OF A LIFETIME. |
| 573 | BUT... IS HE A BIG GUY? |
| 574 | UH, WE'LL ALL GO UP. |
| 575 | COME ON. |
| 576 | THANKS, YOU GUYS. |
| 577 | THANK YOU. |
| 578 | GOD... I HOPE THEY KICK HIS ASS. |
| 579 | HONEY, I'M SORRY. |
| 580 | IF IT'S ANY CONSOLATION |
| 581 | HE DID SOUND LIKE HE WAS HAVING MORE FUN WITH YOU. |
| 582 | ( loud thumping ) |
| 583 | ( door squeaking ) |
| 584 | ( neighbor talking sheepishly ) |
| 585 | ( friends all talking angrily ) |
| 586 | ( neighbor explaining rationally ) |
| 587 | ( friends agreeing sympathetically ) |
| 588 | [Captioned by The Caption Center WGBH Educational Foundation] |
| 589 | |
| 1 | OKAY, HEY. |
| 2 | DOES EVERYBODY HATE THESE SHOES? |
| 3 | Chandler: OH, YEAH |
| 4 | BUT DON'T WORRY. |
| 5 | NO ONE'S GOING TO FOCUS ON THAT WHEN YOU'RE WEARING |
| 6 | THAT TOWEL DRESS. |
| 7 | TELL HIM. |
| 8 | IT'S HER FIRST DAY AT THIS NEW JOB. |
| 9 | YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO START WITH HER. |
| 10 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 11 | I SUPPOSE I CAN WAIT A DAY. |
| 12 | HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING FRIDAY? |
| 13 | WHY? |
| 14 | I NEED YOU TO COME TO THIS BACHELOR PARTY |
| 15 | FOR MY WEIRD COUSIN ALBERT. |
| 16 | YOU KNOW, HE'S THE BOTANIST. |
| 17 | OH, GOD. |
| 18 | BOTANISTS ARE SUCH GEEKS. |
| 19 | YEAH. |
| 20 | THAT A DINOSAUR TIE? |
| 21 | HMM? OH, YEAH. |
| 22 | ( growling and snarling ) |
| 23 | ( knock at door ) |
| 24 | GOOD MORNING. |
| 25 | RACH, I'M HERE WITH THE PURSES. |
| 26 | MUST TAKE YOU FOREVER TO FIND YOUR KEYS. |
| 27 | THANK YOU, PHEEBES. |
| 28 | YOU'RE WELCOME. |
| 29 | OH, PLEASE, WANT |
| 30 | THE ONE WITH THE TURTLES. |
| 31 | TURTLES SCARE ME. |
| 32 | I DON'T NEED THAT TODAY. |
| 33 | HONEY, JUST RELAX. |
| 34 | IT'S GOING TO BE FINE. |
| 35 | HEY, WHY DON'T I COME DOWN THERE AND I'LL TAKE YOU OUT TO LUNCH? |
| 36 | OH, HONEY, THANK YOU, BUT MARK'S TAKING ME OUT. |
| 37 | MARK? |
| 38 | IS THAT THE SAME MARK THAT HELPED YOU GET THE JOB? |
| 39 | YEAH. IT'S LIKE A GOOD-LUCK- ON-YOUR-FIRST-DAY THING. |
| 40 | IS THIS ACTUALLY A LUNCH BOX? |
| 41 | UM, NO. IT'S A PURSE |
| 42 | AND THERE'S A THERMOS IN IT. |
| 43 | OH! |
| 44 | HEY, SO, CAN YOU MAKE IT ON FRIDAY? |
| 45 | WHAT? |
| 46 | YEAH, I THINK SO. |
| 47 | WHY AM I INVITED TO THIS AGAIN? |
| 48 | APPARENTLY, ALBERT HAS NO FRIENDS. |
| 49 | HE'S VERY EXCITED ABOUT THE BACHELOR PARTY. |
| 50 | I THINK ACTUALLY THE ONLY REASON HE'S GETTING MARRIED |
| 51 | IS SO HE CAN SEE A STRIPPER. |
| 52 | A STRIPPER AT A BACHELOR PARTY. |
| 53 | THAT IS SO CLICHE. |
| 54 | WHY DON'T YOU GUYS GET A MAGICIAN? |
| 55 | WELL, IF THE MAGICIAN CAN OPEN MY BEER |
| 56 | WITH HIS BUTT CHEEKS, THEN ALL RIGHT. |
| 57 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 58 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 59 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 60 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 61 | ♪ WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY ♪ |
| 62 | ♪ YOUR WEEK, YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 63 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 64 | ♪ WHEN THE RAIN STARTS TO POUR ♪ |
| 65 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 66 | ♪ LIKE I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE ♪ |
| 67 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 68 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME TOO. ♪ |
| 69 | SHE'S HAVING LUNCH WITH HIM? LUNCH? |
| 70 | YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN THE HUG HE GAVE HER |
| 71 | WHEN SHE GOT THE JOB |
| 72 | AND-AND-AND HE'S REALLY GOOD LOOKING. |
| 73 | WHAT AM I GOING TO DO? |
| 74 | YOU DON'T DO ANYTHING. |
| 75 | KEEP IT INSIDE. |
| 76 | LEARN HOW TO HIDE YOUR FEELINGS |
| 77 | AND DON'T CRY OUT LOUD. |
| 78 | YES! |
| 79 | GUESS WHO HAS AN AUDITION FOR A BROADWAY MUSICAL? |
| 80 | I WANT TO SAY YOU |
| 81 | BUT IT SEEMS LIKE SUCH AN EASY ANSWER. |
| 82 | IT IS ME. |
| 83 | IT'S A MUSICAL VERSION OF A TALE OF TWO CITIES |
| 84 | SO I THINK I'M GOING TO SING "NEW YORK, NEW YORK" |
| 85 | AND, UH... OH! |
| 86 | "I LEFT MY HEART IN SAN FRANCISCO." |
| 87 | UH, JOEY |
| 88 | I DON'T THINK YOU GET TO PICK THE CITIES. |
| 89 | WHAT? |
| 90 | MR. DICKENS GETS TO PICK THEM. |
| 91 | WHO? |
| 92 | I'LL GET YOU THE CLIFF NOTES. |
| 93 | THE WHAT? |
| 94 | THE ABRIDGEMENT. |
| 95 | OH, OKAY. |
| 96 | THE WHAT? |
| 97 | THEN THE STYLE NUMBER. |
| 98 | ( typing ) |
| 99 | THE INVOICE NUMBER. |
| 100 | ( typing ) |
| 101 | AND THE SHIPPING DATE. |
| 102 | ( typing ) |
| 103 | GOOD. ANY QUESTIONS SO FAR? |
| 104 | YEAH. WHAT KIND OF DISCOUNT DO WE GET? |
| 105 | TWENTY PERCENT. |
| 106 | OH! I LOVE THIS JOB. |
| 107 | ( phone ringing ) |
| 108 | WHOO! MY FIRST CALL. |
| 109 | HERE, LET ME. OKAY. |
| 110 | RACHEL GREEN'S LINE. |
| 111 | HOW MAY I HELP YOU? |
| 112 | HI. IS RACHEL THERE? |
| 113 | AND WHO MAY I SAY IS CALLING? |
| 114 | This is Ross. |
| 115 | ROSS OF...? |
| 116 | OF ROSS AND RACHEL. |
| 117 | OH, HI. |
| 118 | IT'S MARK. |
| 119 | OH, HEY, MARK. |
| 120 | Hey. Hey, hold on a second. |
| 121 | OKAY. |
| 122 | It's Ross. |
| 123 | HI, HONEY. |
| 124 | Hi. |
| 125 | WHAT, UH, WHAT'S MARK DOING ANSWERING YOUR PHONE? |
| 126 | Oh, he's just goofing around. |
| 127 | OH, THAT'S-THAT'S FUNNY. |
| 128 | WHY ISN'T HE GOOFING AROUND IN HIS OWN OFFICE? |
| 129 | HONEY, THIS IS HIS OFFICE, TOO. |
| 130 | I TOLD YOU-- WE'RE JOANNA'S TWO ASSISTANTS. |
| 131 | WHY DOES JOANNA NEED TWO ASSISTANTS? |
| 132 | HOW LAZY IS SHE? |
| 133 | OH. OH, MY GOD! |
| 134 | WHAT DID I JUST DO? |
| 135 | I THINK I JUST SHIPPED 3,000 BRAS TO PERSONNEL. |
| 136 | HONEY, I GOT TO GO. |
| 137 | MARK, I NEED YOU! |
| 138 | OKAY, BYE-BYE. |
| 139 | Ow! Ross. |
| 140 | OH, I'M-I'M-I'M SORRY, SWEETIE. |
| 141 | I WAS JUST TRYING TO, UH... |
| 142 | I WAS DIALING ANOTHER NUMBER. |
| 143 | ALL RIGHT |
| 144 | I JUST GOT CHANGED IN 30 SECONDS |
| 145 | SO YOU COULD BE ALONE WITH HIM. |
| 146 | YOU BETTER GO FOR IT. |
| 147 | PLEASE. I'M NOT GOING FOR ANYTHING. |
| 148 | WELL, IF YOU DON'T, I WILL. |
| 149 | WOULD YOU PLEASE GO? |
| 150 | NIGHT, MON. |
| 151 | ( clears throat ) |
| 152 | NIGHT, JULIO. |
| 153 | ADIOS. |
| 154 | LOOK, JULIO. |
| 155 | SOMEONE LEFT THEIR BOOK HERE. |
| 156 | ACTUALLY, THAT IS MINE. |
| 157 | OH, YEAH? |
| 158 | YES. |
| 159 | WELL, WHAT ARE YOU READING? |
| 160 | FLOWERS OF EVIL BY BAUDELAIRE. |
| 161 | HAVE YOU READ IT? |
| 162 | ( chuckles ) |
| 163 | HAVE I READ IT. |
| 164 | NO. |
| 165 | ARE YOU ENJOYING IT? |
| 166 | I THOUGHT THAT I WOULD |
| 167 | BUT THE TRANSLATION'S NO GOOD. |
| 168 | YOU'RE A POET AND YOU DON'T KNOW IT. |
| 169 | ACTUALLY, I, UH... |
| 170 | I AM A POET. |
| 171 | OH. |
| 172 | SO YOU DO KNOW IT. |
| 173 | ( clears throat ) |
| 174 | SO, UH... |
| 175 | WHAT KIND OF THINGS DO YOU WRITE ABOUT? |
| 176 | THINGS THAT MOVE ME. |
| 177 | THE SHADOW OF A TREE. |
| 178 | A CHILD LAUGHING... |
| 179 | OR THIS LIP. |
| 180 | MINE? |
| 181 | RIGHT HERE? |
| 182 | ( whispers ): YES. |
| 183 | I COULD WRITE AN EPIC POEM ABOUT... |
| 184 | THIS LIP. |
| 185 | HOW WOULD THAT GO? |
| 186 | WELL, IT DIDN'T RHYME |
| 187 | BUT I LIKED IT. |
| 188 | ♪ YOU GOT TO PICK A POCKET OR TWO ♪ |
| 189 | ♪ BOYS ♪ |
| 190 | ♪ YOU'VE GOT TO PICK A POCKET OR TWO. ♪ |
| 191 | LOVELY. |
| 192 | JUST LOVELY. |
| 193 | REALLY? THANKS. |
| 194 | JOEY, WE DEFINITELY WANT TO SEE YOU |
| 195 | FOR THE CALLBACK ON SATURDAY. |
| 196 | EXCELLENT. |
| 197 | I'LL BE THERE. |
| 198 | OKAY |
| 199 | AND LISTEN, DON'T FORGET TO BRING YOUR JAZZ SHOES |
| 200 | FOR THE DANCE AUDITION. |
| 201 | MY, UH, MY AGENT SAID THAT IT WASN'T A DANCING PART. |
| 202 | OH, JOEY, ALL THE ROLES GOT TO DANCE A LITTLE |
| 203 | BUT BELIEVE ME, WITH YOUR DANCE BACKGROUND |
| 204 | IT'LL BE A PIECE OF CAKE. |
| 205 | "THREE YEARS OF MODERN DANCE WITH TWYLA THARP"? |
| 206 | FIVE YEARS WITH THE AMERICAN BALLET THEATER? |
| 207 | HEY, EVERYBODY LIES ON THEIR RESUME, OKAY? |
| 208 | I WASN'T ONE OF THE ZOOM KIDS EITHER. |
| 209 | GOD! |
| 210 | WELL, CAN YOU, LIKE, DANCE AT ALL? |
| 211 | YEAH, I CAN DANCE. |
| 212 | YOU KNOW... |
| 213 | OH, NO, NO, NO, NO! |
| 214 | WHAT-WHAT IS THAT? |
| 215 | SURE, IT LOOKS STUPID NOW. |
| 216 | THERE'S NO MUSIC PLAYING. |
| 217 | ( phone ringing ) |
| 218 | ALL RIGHT, I HAVE TO GET THAT |
| 219 | BUT NO, NO. |
| 220 | HELLO? |
| 221 | HI. |
| 222 | ( laughs ) |
| 223 | YEAH, UM, LISTEN, I'M IN NEED OF A STRIPPER |
| 224 | AND I WAS TOLD THAT YOU DO THAT. |
| 225 | ( laughing ) |
| 226 | LET ME ASK YOU THIS. |
| 227 | THAT DO YOU DO FOR THE EXTRA HUNDRED? |
| 228 | SO WOULD I... WOULD I HAVE TO PROVIDE THE GRAPES? |
| 229 | HI. |
| 230 | OOH! HOW WAS LAST NIGHT WITH JULIO, SENORITA? |
| 231 | HE IS SO AMAZING. |
| 232 | HE'S SO SEXY AND SMART |
| 233 | WHICH MAKES HIM EVEN SEXIER. |
| 234 | LOOK, I GOT TO TELL YOU THIS. |
| 235 | LAST NIGHT, WE WERE FOOLING AROUND |
| 236 | AND ALL OF A SUDDEN HE STOPS TO WRITE A POEM. |
| 237 | GET OUT. |
| 238 | I COULDN'T STOP IF A METEOR HIT ME. |
| 239 | OKAY, WE HAVE OUR STRIPPER-- |
| 240 | A MISS CRYSTAL CHANDELIER. |
| 241 | WELL, SURE, YOU NAME A KID THAT |
| 242 | WHAT DO YOU EXPECT THEM TO GROW UP TO BE? |
| 243 | ANYWAY, WHEN HE LEFT |
| 244 | HE FORGOT TO TAKE THE POEM WITH HIM. |
| 245 | NOW, I AM TOTALLY DENSE ABOUT POETRY, BUT... |
| 246 | I THINK THIS IS PRETTY GOOD, ALL RIGHT? |
| 247 | CHECK IT OUT. |
| 248 | "THE EMPTY VASE. |
| 249 | TRANSLUCENT BEAUTY..." |
| 250 | TO YOURSELF. |
| 251 | HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT? THAT'S PRETTY GOOD. |
| 252 | OH, GOOD. |
| 253 | I THINK SO, TOO. PHEEB? |
| 254 | OH, YEAH. |
| 255 | I'M GLAD YOU GUYS LIKE IT. YAY. |
| 256 | I GOT TO GET TO WORK. |
| 257 | OH. I'M NOT DONE. |
| 258 | WELL, JUST GIVE IT BACK WHEN YOU'RE THROUGH. |
| 259 | SEE YOU GUYS. |
| 260 | BYE-BYE. |
| 261 | BYE. |
| 262 | OH, MY GOD. OH, MY GOD! |
| 263 | POOR MONICA! |
| 264 | WHAT? WHAT? WHAT? |
| 265 | WHAT? HE WAS WITH HER WHEN HE WROTE THIS POEM. |
| 266 | LOOK. "MY VESSEL SO LOVELY WITH NOTHING INSIDE. |
| 267 | NOW THAT I'VE TOUCHED YOU, YOU SEEM EMPTIER STILL." |
| 268 | HE THINKS MONICA'S EMPTY. |
| 269 | SHE'S THE EMPTY VASE. |
| 270 | YOU REALLY THINK THAT'S WHAT HE MEANT? |
| 271 | TOTALLY. OH, GOD. |
| 272 | OH, SHE SEEMED SO HAPPY, TOO |
| 273 | DONE. |
| 274 | DO YOU HAVE THE RALPH LAUREN FILE? |
| 275 | OH, YEAH. SURE. |
| 276 | IT'S, UH, RIGHT... |
| 277 | ( music box playing "Theme from Love Story" ) |
| 278 | WHAT'S THAT? |
| 279 | IT'S, UH, FROM ROSS. |
| 280 | IT'S A LOVE BUG. |
| 281 | WOW. |
| 282 | SOMEBODY WANTS PEOPLE TO KNOW YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND. |
| 283 | OH, NO. |
| 284 | NO, NO, NO. THAT'S NOT WHAT HE'S DOING. |
| 285 | HE'S JUST REALLY ROMANTIC. |
| 286 | Man: EXCUSE ME |
| 287 | ARE YOU RACHEL GREEN? |
| 288 | YES, I AM. |
| 289 | ( blows harmonica ) |
| 290 | ONE, TWO, THREE. |
| 291 | ♪ CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR FIRST WEEK ♪ |
| 292 | ♪ AT YOUR BRAND, NEW JOB ♪ |
| 293 | ♪ IT WON'T BE LONG BEFORE YOU'RE THE BOSS ♪ |
| 294 | ♪ OOMBA, OOMBA, OOMBA ♪ |
| 295 | ♪ AND YOU KNOW WHO WILL BE THERE TO SUPPORT YOU ♪ |
| 296 | ♪ YOUR ONE AND ONLY BOYFRIEND ♪ |
| 297 | ♪ IT'S NICE TO HAVE A BOYFRIEND ♪ ♪ MM-MMM ♪ |
| 298 | ♪ YOUR LOYAL LOVING BOYFRIEND ROSS ♪ |
| 299 | ♪ ROSS! ♪ |
| 300 | I'M HURT. |
| 301 | I'M ACTUALLY HURT THAT YOU WOULD THINK |
| 302 | I WOULD SEND YOU ANY OF THOSE THINGS |
| 303 | OUT OF ANYTHING OTHER THAN LOVE. |
| 304 | HURT. HURT. |
| 305 | ALL RIGHT, ROSS. |
| 306 | I GET IT. YOU'RE HURT. |
| 307 | CAN'T A GUY SEND A BARBERSHOP QUARTET |
| 308 | TO HIS GIRLFRIEND'S OFFICE ANYMORE? |
| 309 | OH... |
| 310 | OH, PLEASE, ROSS, IT WAS SO OBVIOUS. |
| 311 | IT WAS LIKE YOU WERE MARKING YOUR TERRITORY. |
| 312 | I MEAN, YOU MIGHT AS WELL |
| 313 | HAVE JUST COME IN |
| 314 | AND PEED ALL AROUND MY DESK. |
| 315 | I WOULD NEVER DO THAT. |
| 316 | LOOK, I KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON HERE, OKAY? |
| 317 | MARK EXPLAINED IT ALL TO ME. |
| 318 | HE SAID THIS IS WHAT YOU GUYS DO. |
| 319 | YEAH, WELL, IF, IF, IF MARK SAID THAT |
| 320 | THEN MARK'S AN IDIOT. |
| 321 | MARK'S A GENIUS. |
| 322 | WHY? HOW IS HE A GENIUS? |
| 323 | LOOK, DON'T YOU SEE WHAT'S HAPPENING HERE? |
| 324 | INSTEAD OF HITTING ON HER RIGHT AWAY |
| 325 | HE'S BECOMING HER CONFIDANTE. |
| 326 | NOW, HE'S GOING TO BE THE GUY |
| 327 | SHE GOES TO TO COMPLAIN ABOUT YOU. |
| 328 | WHAT AM I GOING TO DO? |
| 329 | WHY DON'T YOU SEND HER A MUSICAL BUG? |
| 330 | OH, NO. YOU ALREADY DID THAT. |
| 331 | ALL RIGHT, LOOK. |
| 332 | YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO GO THERE YOURSELF, NOW. |
| 333 | MAKE A FEW SURPRISE VISITS. |
| 334 | I DON'T KNOW, YOU GUYS. |
| 335 | FINE. JUST SIT HERE AND TALK TO US. |
| 336 | MEANWHILE, SHE IS TALKING TO HIM ABOUT YOU |
| 337 | AND HE'S BEING MR. JOE SENSITIVE |
| 338 | AND SHE STARTS THINKING, "MAYBE THIS GUY IS FOR ME |
| 339 | BECAUSE HE UNDERSTANDS ME." |
| 340 | AND BEFORE YOU KNOW IT, SHE'S WITH HIM |
| 341 | AND YOU'LL BE ALL, "OH, MAN," AND HE'LL BE ALL, "YES." |
| 342 | HUH? |
| 343 | AND US, WE'LL BE LIKE, "OH, DUDE." |
| 344 | OKAY? |
| 345 | AND PRETTY SOON, YOU'LL BE LIKE, "HI." |
| 346 | AND, AND, AND, "WELL, I CAN'T GO. |
| 347 | RACHEL AND MARK MIGHT BE THERE." |
| 348 | AND WE'LL BE LIKE, "MAN, GET OVER IT. |
| 349 | IT'S BEEN FOUR YEARS." |
| 350 | HE PAINTS QUITE A PICTURE, DOESN'T HE? |
| 351 | HERE'S THE SHELLY SEGAL STUFF FOR DECEMBER. |
| 352 | OH, WAIT, I'VE GOT SOMETHING FOR YOU. |
| 353 | OH. MARK. |
| 354 | IT'S OKAY. RACHEL KNOWS. |
| 355 | YEAH, BUT EVEN SO. |
| 356 | I CAN'T HELP IT. |
| 357 | YOU KNOW, I'M JUST... |
| 358 | I'M JUST CRAZY ABOUT YOU. |
| 359 | OH, THAT IS SO SWEET. |
| 360 | Mark: OKAY, OKAY |
| 361 | I KNOW I'M LIKE MR. INAPPROPRIATE TODAY |
| 362 | BUT IT'S JUST SO TOUGH. |
| 363 | I MEAN, I SEE YOU WALKING AROUND |
| 364 | AND I JUST WANT TO TOUCH YOU AND HOLD YOU. |
| 365 | COME ON, |
| 366 | NO ONE'S AROUND. |
| 367 | JUST KISS ME. |
| 368 | ALL RIGHT, THAT'S IT. |
| 369 | GET OFF OF HER! |
| 370 | WHAT IS GOING ON? |
| 371 | WHAT'S GOING ON? |
| 372 | I'LL TELL YOU WHAT'S GOING ON. |
| 373 | ROSS! |
| 374 | I HAVE BEEN DOWN IN YOUR STORE |
| 375 | FOR TWENTY MINUTES TRYING TO GET A TIE. |
| 376 | WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO TO GET SOME SERVICE? |
| 377 | HI, RACH, UH... |
| 378 | UH, JOEY? |
| 379 | JOEY TRIBBIANI? |
| 380 | LISTEN, JOEY, I GOT A PROBLEM. |
| 381 | I JUST GOT A CALL FROM MY DANCE CAPTAIN. |
| 382 | HE'S HAVING A RELATIONSHIP CRISIS |
| 383 | AND CAN'T GET OUT OF LONG ISLAND. |
| 384 | SO DOES THAT MEAN THE AUDITION'S OFF? |
| 385 | LISTEN, JOEY |
| 386 | SEEING AS YOU'VE GOT THE MOST EXPERIENCE |
| 387 | I WANT YOU TO TAKE THESE DANCERS |
| 388 | AND TEACH THEM THE COMBINATION. |
| 389 | WHAT? |
| 390 | AW, JOEY, COME ON. |
| 391 | IT'S EASY. |
| 392 | YOU KNOW, IT'S HAND HAND, HEAD, HEAD, UP |
| 393 | PAS DE BOURREE, PAS DE BOURREE |
| 394 | BIG TURN HERE, RONDE DES CHAMPS |
| 395 | CESSANT, CESSANT |
| 396 | SLIDE BACK, TOUCH, STEP-STEP AND... |
| 397 | JAZZ HANDS. |
| 398 | IT'S A STEPITY-STEP AND JAZZ HANDS. |
| 399 | HAVE FUN. |
| 400 | BYE. |
| 401 | HEY. |
| 402 | HEY. |
| 403 | WHAT ARE YOU WRAPPING? |
| 404 | OH, LOOK WHAT I GOT JULIO. |
| 405 | YEAH. IT'S A VASE. |
| 406 | YEAH. |
| 407 | JUST LIKE THE ONE IN THE POEM. |
| 408 | WELL, NOT EXACTLY LIKE THE ONE IN THE POEM. |
| 409 | WHAT DO YOU MEAN? |
| 410 | REMEMBER HOW YOU SAID THAT YOU |
| 411 | WERE REALLY DENSE ABOUT POETRY? |
| 412 | OH. |
| 413 | SO I'M JUST AN EMPTY VASE, HUH? |
| 414 | WHAT? |
| 415 | SO I DON'T READ AS MANY BOOKS AS YOU DO |
| 416 | AND I DON'T WRITE "TRICK POEMS" THAT SEEM TO BE ABOUT ONE THING |
| 417 | BUT ARE ACTUALLY ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE. |
| 418 | I GET EXCITED ABOUT STUPID STUFF-- |
| 419 | LIKE WHEN MY PEOPLE MAGAZINE COMES ON SATURDAY |
| 420 | AND THE NEW "HOLD EVERYTHING" CATALOG-- |
| 421 | BUT THAT DOES NOT MEAN I'M EMPTY. |
| 422 | I CARE ABOUT MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY. |
| 423 | YOU HAVE NO RIGHT |
| 424 | TO MAKE THAT KIND OF JUDGMENT... |
| 425 | WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. |
| 426 | WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. |
| 427 | THE POEM IS NOT ABOUT YOU. |
| 428 | WHAT? |
| 429 | "THE EMPTY VASE" IS NOT ABOUT YOU. |
| 430 | MY BABY, PRECIOSA. |
| 431 | YOU MAKE ME SO SAD |
| 432 | THAT YOU WOULD THINK THIS. |
| 433 | I'M SORRY, IT'S... |
| 434 | MY FRIEND PHOEBE SAID... |
| 435 | NO. IT'S... |
| 436 | IT'S ABOUT ALL WOMEN. |
| 437 | WELL, ALL AMERICAN WOMEN. |
| 438 | YOU FEEL BETTER NOW? |
| 439 | AW... YEAH. |
| 440 | ALL RIGHT, LET'S DO IT. |
| 441 | ( march playing ) |
| 442 | NO, NO, NO... |
| 443 | WHAT WAS THAT? |
| 444 | I DON'T KNOW. |
| 445 | IT'S THE BEST I COULD GET OUT OF THEM. |
| 446 | WELL, PEOPLE. |
| 447 | PEOPLE, PEOPLE, PEOPLE. |
| 448 | LET'S TRY IT AGAIN |
| 449 | AND THIS TIME, LET'S EVERYBODY |
| 450 | WATCH JOEY. |
| 451 | SHOW THEM HOW IT'S DONE. |
| 452 | COUNT IT OFF, LARRY. |
| 453 | ( piano playing march intro ) |
| 454 | DID YOU HAVE FUN |
| 455 | AT THE BACHELOR PARTY LAST NIGHT? |
| 456 | OH, YEAH. LOOK WHAT I GOT. |
| 457 | SEE? SHE'S FULLY DRESSED, RIGHT? |
| 458 | RIGHT. |
| 459 | AND THEN YOU CLICK IT AND, UH-OH, SHE'S NAKED |
| 460 | AND THEN YOU CLICK IT AGAIN AND SHE'S DRESSED. |
| 461 | SHE'S A BUSINESS WOMAN. |
| 462 | SHE'S WALKING DOWN THE STREET. |
| 463 | SHE'S WINDOW SHOPPING AND, OH, OH, OH-- |
| 464 | SHE'S NAKED. |
| 465 | HI. |
| 466 | HELLO. |
| 467 | YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 468 | I'M GOING TO SPEND SOME ALONE TIME |
| 469 | WITH THE PEN. |
| 470 | I'M SORRY. |
| 471 | I WAS AN IDIOT. |
| 472 | BIG IDIOT. |
| 473 | A BIG IDIOT. |
| 474 | WHAT YOU HAVE TO REALIZE IS |
| 475 | THIS WHOLE MARK THING IS REALLY HARD FOR ME. |
| 476 | WHY IS IT HARD? |
| 477 | WE'VE BEEN TOGETHER FOR ALMOST A YEAR NOW. |
| 478 | WELL, I WAS WITH CAROL FOR LIKE EIGHT YEARS |
| 479 | AND I LOST HER |
| 480 | AND NOW, IF IT'S POSSIBLE |
| 481 | I THINK I LOVE YOU EVEN MORE. |
| 482 | SO IT'S HARD FOR ME TO BELIEVE |
| 483 | THAT I'M NOT GOING TO... |
| 484 | WELL, THAT SOMEONE ELSE |
| 485 | ISN'T GOING TO TAKE YOU AWAY. |
| 486 | LET IT BE ME. LET IT BE ME. |
| 487 | HONEY... |
| 488 | THAT'S VERY SWEET. |
| 489 | IT JUST SEEMS TO ME, THOUGH |
| 490 | THAT IF TWO PEOPLE LOVE EACH OTHER |
| 491 | AND TRUST EACH OTHER, LIKE WE DO |
| 492 | THERE'S NO REASON TO BE JEALOUS. |
| 493 | I GOT TO GET GOING. |
| 494 | BYE, CHANDLER. |
| 495 | OKAY, ROSS. LISTEN, THIS PEN'S GETTING KIND OF BORING |
| 496 | SO CAN YOU PICK ME UP SOME PORN? |
| 497 | WHERE YOU GOING? |
| 498 | TO PICK UP BEN. |
| 499 | WE'VE GOT A PLAY-DATE THIS AFTERNOON. |
| 500 | OH. WITH WHO? |
| 501 | JUST THIS WOMAN I MET LAST NIGHT AT THE PARTY. |
| 502 | THERE WAS A WOMAN AT...? |
| 503 | THE STRIPPER? |
| 504 | YEAH. |
| 505 | YOU HAVE A PLAY-DATE WITH A STRIPPER? |
| 506 | MAN, I GOT TO GET A KID. |
| 507 | ( laughing ) |
| 508 | UH, YEAH. |
| 509 | YEAH. WE STARTED TALKING |
| 510 | AFTER SHE, YOU KNOW, DID HER THING |
| 511 | AND IT TURNS OUT SHE'S GOT A BOY ABOUT BEN'S AGE |
| 512 | SO WE'RE GOING TO TAKE THE KIDS TO GYMBOREE CLASS. |
| 513 | IS THAT OKAY? |
| 514 | SURE. IS SHE MARRIED? |
| 515 | UH, NO. |
| 516 | HUH. |
| 517 | ARE YOU JEALOUS? |
| 518 | NO. |
| 519 | YOU KNOW, I JUST DON'T SEE WHY SHE HAS |
| 520 | TO PLAY WITH YOU, THAT'S ALL. |
| 521 | I MEAN DOESN'T SHE, YOU KNOW |
| 522 | HAVE ANY OTHER STRIPPER-MOM FRIENDS OF HER OWN? |
| 523 | YOU ARE TOTALLY JEALOUS. |
| 524 | I'M NOT JEALOUS, ALL RIGHT? |
| 525 | THIS IS ABOUT... |
| 526 | UH, PEOPLE FEELING CERTAIN THINGS... |
| 527 | YOU KNOW, ABOUT... |
| 528 | STRIPPERS |
| 529 | AND, YOU KNOW, AND, UH... |
| 530 | HONEY, I LOVE YOU, TOO. |
| 531 | BYE. |
| 532 | WAIT. |
| 533 | WHAT? |
| 534 | WELL, THERE'S A KISS HE WON'T FORGET FOR A FEW HOURS. |
| 535 | YOU KNOW? |
| 536 | YEAH. |
| 537 | EITHER THAT, OR YOU JUST TURNED HIM ON |
| 538 | AND SENT HIM OFF TO A STRIPPER. |
| 539 | IS THERE A JULIO HERE? |
| 540 | I AM JULIO. |
| 541 | ♪ BUM, BUM, BUM, BUM, BUM ♪ |
| 542 | ♪ MR. PRETENTIOUS ♪ |
| 543 | ♪ YOU THINK THERE'S NO ONE FINER ♪ |
| 544 | ♪ WELL, YOUR POEMS ARE UNPUBLISHED ♪ |
| 545 | ♪ AND YOU WORK IN A DINER ♪ |
| 546 | ♪ YOU'RE NO GOD'S GIFT TO WOMEN ♪ |
| 547 | ♪ THAT'S ALL IN YOUR HEAD ♪ |
| 548 | ♪ YOU ARE JUST A BUTT-MUNCH ♪ |
| 549 | NO ONE LIKES A BUTT-MUNCH. |
| 550 | ♪ AND YOU'RE ALSO BAD IN BED. ♪ |
| 551 | [Captioned by The Caption Center WGBH Educational Foundation] |
| 552 | |
| 1 | HI. |
| 2 | SIX DOLLARS, PLEASE. |
| 3 | I JUST HAD IT FOR ONE NIGHT. |
| 4 | IT'S THREE. |
| 5 | 8:00's THE CUTOFF |
| 6 | AND... OH, IT'S 8:02. |
| 7 | YOU KNOW, IN A WEIRD WAY, YOU HAVE TOO MUCH POWER. |
| 8 | YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO HELP ME OUT HERE. |
| 9 | I ONLY HAVE THREE. |
| 10 | I CAN HELP WITH THAT. |
| 11 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 12 | RICHARD? |
| 13 | HI. |
| 14 | HI. |
| 15 | WOW, YOUR LIP WENT BALD. |
| 16 | HEY, THANKS. |
| 17 | SO... YOU LOOK GREAT. |
| 18 | YEAH, RIGHT. |
| 19 | NO, YOU DO. |
| 20 | YOU... YOU JUST... |
| 21 | WHAT? |
| 22 | YOU'VE GOT PANTIES STUCK TO YOUR LEG. |
| 23 | THAT'S BECAUSE I WAS JUST GRABBING SOME THINGS |
| 24 | OUT OF THE DRYER, AND STATIC CLING. |
| 25 | OR MAYBE IT'S JUST 'CAUSE GOD KNEW |
| 26 | I'D BE RUNNING INTO YOU AND SAW AN OPPORTUNITY. |
| 27 | IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU. |
| 28 | IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU, TOO. |
| 29 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 30 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 31 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 32 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 33 | ♪ WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY ♪ |
| 34 | ♪ YOUR WEEK, YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 35 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 36 | ♪ WHEN THE RAIN STARTS TO POUR ♪ |
| 37 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 38 | ♪ LIKE I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE ♪ |
| 39 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 40 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME TOO. ♪ |
| 41 | THAT GUY'S IN CLASSICS |
| 42 | BUT YOU KNOW AS SOON AS WE LEAVE |
| 43 | HE'S GOING STRAIGHT TO THE PORN. |
| 44 | HE'S GOING TO GO UP TO THE COUNTER |
| 45 | WITH CITIZEN KANE, VERTIGO AND CLOCKWORK ORGY. |
| 46 | THIS IS NICE. |
| 47 | YEAH. |
| 48 | I MISS THIS. |
| 49 | ME, TOO. |
| 50 | SO YOU WANT TO GET A HAMBURGER OR SOMETHING? |
| 51 | OH, I DON'T KNOW IF THAT'S A GOOD IDEA. |
| 52 | LOOK, JUST FRIENDS. |
| 53 | I WON'T GROPE YOU, I PROMISE. |
| 54 | NO, I THINK IT'S TOO SOON. |
| 55 | NO, IT'S NOT TOO SOON. |
| 56 | I HAD LUNCH AT 11:00. |
| 57 | YEAH, BABY. |
| 58 | WHAT ARE YOU DOING? |
| 59 | MAKING CHOCOLATE MILK. |
| 60 | YOU WANT SOME? |
| 61 | NO THANKS. I'M 29. |
| 62 | OH, MY GOD, I'VE GOT TO GO TO WORK. |
| 63 | WHAT TIME DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING TO GET OFF TONIGHT? |
| 64 | HONEY, IT COULD BE REALLY LATE. |
| 65 | OH, NOT AGAIN. |
| 66 | I KNOW. I'M SORRY. |
| 67 | I'LL MAKE A DEAL WITH YOU, OKAY? |
| 68 | FOR EVERY NIGHT THAT YOU'RE ASLEEP |
| 69 | BEFORE I GET HOME |
| 70 | I WILL WAKE YOU UP IN A WAY |
| 71 | THAT HAS PROVED VERY POPULAR IN THE PAST. |
| 72 | WELL, NOW IF YOU NEED TO STAY LATE |
| 73 | I WANT TO BE SUPPORTIVE OF THAT. |
| 74 | HI. |
| 75 | HEY. |
| 76 | LOOK AT YOU. |
| 77 | SINCE WHEN DO YOU ROLLERBLADE? |
| 78 | OH, SINCE TOMORROW. |
| 79 | I MET THIS REALLY CUTE GUY IN THE PARK. |
| 80 | AND HE LIKE, YOU KNOW, JOGS AND BLADES AND SWIMS |
| 81 | AND SO WE MADE A DEAL. |
| 82 | HE'S GOING TO TEACH ME HOW TO DO ALL SORTS OF JOCK STUFF. |
| 83 | AND WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO FOR HIM? |
| 84 | I'M GOING TO LET HIM. |
| 85 | MORNING. |
| 86 | HEY, SOMEBODY GOT IN LATE LAST NIGHT. |
| 87 | WELL, I RAN INTO RICHARD. |
| 88 | WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN? |
| 89 | OH, AROUND 8:02. |
| 90 | WE, UH, TALKED FOR A LITTLE WHILE |
| 91 | AND THEN WE WENT OUT FOR AN INNOCENT BURGER. |
| 92 | OH, THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS AN INNOCENT BURGER. |
| 93 | ARE YOU GOING TO SEE HIM AGAIN? |
| 94 | TOMORROW NIGHT. |
| 95 | MONICA, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? |
| 96 | WELL, SHE SPENT THE LAST SIX MONTHS |
| 97 | GETTING OVER HIM. |
| 98 | AND NOW SHE'S CELEBRATING THAT |
| 99 | BY GOING ON A DATE WITH HIM. |
| 100 | IT'S NOT A DATE, OKAY? |
| 101 | I'M JUST GOING TO TEACH HIM HOW TO MAKE A LASAGNA |
| 102 | FOR SOME POTLUCK DINNER HE HAS. |
| 103 | YOU MIGHT WANT TO MAKE A LITTLE EXTRA |
| 104 | BECAUSE, YOU KNOW, YOU'LL PROBABLY BE HUNGRY |
| 105 | AFTER THE SEX. |
| 106 | WE'RE NOT GOING TO HAVE SEX. |
| 107 | NOTHING'S CHANGED HERE. |
| 108 | HE STILL DOESN'T WANT CHILDREN |
| 109 | AND I STILL DO. |
| 110 | THAT'S WHY WE'RE GOING TO JUST BE FRIENDS. |
| 111 | NAKED FRIENDS. |
| 112 | DO YOU HAVE ANY ICE? |
| 113 | CHECK THE FREEZER. |
| 114 | IF THERE'S NONE IN THERE, WE'RE PROBABLY OUT. |
| 115 | ARE YOU JUST GETTING HOME FROM WORK? |
| 116 | IT'S LATE. |
| 117 | YEAH, I KNOW. |
| 118 | I HAD THE GREATEST DAY THOUGH. |
| 119 | I GOT TO SIT IN ON A MEETING |
| 120 | WITH THE REPS FROM CALVIN KLEIN. |
| 121 | I TOLD MY BOSS I LIKED THIS LINE OF LINGERIE. |
| 122 | SHE ORDERED A TON OF IT. |
| 123 | HOW WAS YOUR DAY? |
| 124 | I DISCOVERED I'M ABLE TO COUNT ALL MY TEETH |
| 125 | USING MUST MY TONGUE. |
| 126 | HMM. |
| 127 | UM, WHY DO YOU HAVE A COPY OF THE SHINING IN YOUR FREEZER? |
| 128 | OH, I WAS READING IT LAST NIGHT |
| 129 | AND I GOT SCARED, SO... |
| 130 | BUT YOU'RE SAFE FROM IT IF IT'S IN THE FREEZER? |
| 131 | WELL, SAFER. |
| 132 | YOU KNOW, I NEVER START READING THE SHINING |
| 133 | WITHOUT MAKING SURE |
| 134 | WE'VE GOT PLENTY OF ROOM IN THE FREEZER. |
| 135 | HOW OFTEN DO YOU READ IT? |
| 136 | I DON'T KNOW. |
| 137 | HAVEN'T YOU EVER READ A BOOK OVER AND OVER AGAIN? |
| 138 | I GUESS I READ |
| 139 | LITTLE WOMEN MORE THAN ONCE. |
| 140 | BUT IT'S A CLASSIC. |
| 141 | WHAT'S SO GREAT ABOUT THE SHINING? |
| 142 | THE QUESTION SHOULD BE, RACH |
| 143 | WHAT IS NOT SO GREAT ABOUT THE SHINING? |
| 144 | OKAY? |
| 145 | AND THE ANSWER WOULD BE NOTHING. |
| 146 | ALL RIGHT? |
| 147 | THIS IS LIKE THE SCARIEST BOOK EVER. |
| 148 | I BET IT'S WAY BETTER THAN THAT "CLASSIC" OF YOURS. |
| 149 | OKAY. |
| 150 | WELL, WE'LL JUST SEE ABOUT THAT, OKAY? |
| 151 | I WILL READ THE SHINING |
| 152 | AND YOU WILL READ LITTLE WOMEN. |
| 153 | ALL RIGHT, YOU GOT IT. |
| 154 | ALL RIGHT? |
| 155 | OKAY. |
| 156 | NOW, RACH, THESE LITTLE WOMEN... |
| 157 | YEAH? |
| 158 | HOW LITTLE ARE THEY? |
| 159 | I MEAN, ARE THEY LIKE SCARY LITTLE? |
| 160 | UM, CHANDLER, ROSS, THIS IS ROBERT. |
| 161 | OH, HEY. |
| 162 | HEY. |
| 163 | YOU HAVE LIPSTICK RIGHT HERE. |
| 164 | THAT'S OKAY, IT'S MINE. |
| 165 | WE JUST KISSED. |
| 166 | OH. |
| 167 | SO ISN'T IT |
| 168 | A BIT COLD OUT FOR SHORTS? |
| 169 | WELL, I'M FROM CALIFORNIA. |
| 170 | RIGHT, RIGHT, SOMETIMES YOU GUYS JUST BURST INTO FLAME. |
| 171 | I'M UP... |
| 172 | I'M UP. |
| 173 | I'VE GOTTEN UP NOW. |
| 174 | ANYBODY WANT ANYTHING? |
| 175 | I'LL HAVE COFFEE. |
| 176 | YEAH, ME, TOO. |
| 177 | Ross: MAKE THAT THREE. |
| 178 | OKAY, ROSS |
| 179 | WHY DON'T YOU COME WITH ME? |
| 180 | OKAY. |
| 181 | WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU? |
| 182 | WHAT'S GOING ON? |
| 183 | ROBERT'S COMING OUT. |
| 184 | WHAT... WHAT DO YOU MEAN? |
| 185 | WHAT, IS HE GAY? |
| 186 | NO, HE... |
| 187 | HE'S COMING OUT OF HIS SHORTS. |
| 188 | WHAT? |
| 189 | THE MAN IS SHOWING BRAIN. |
| 190 | ARE YOU SURE? |
| 191 | HOLD ON. |
| 192 | I'M SORRY, YOU GUYS, THAT WAS A COFFEE AND A...? |
| 193 | COFFEE. |
| 194 | WE COULD WRITE IT DOWN FOR YOU. |
| 195 | NO, THAT WON'T BE, UH... WON'T BE NECESSARY. |
| 196 | ( laughs ) |
| 197 | WELL? |
| 198 | YEP, YEP, YEP. |
| 199 | WHAT DO WE DO? WHAT DO WE DO? |
| 200 | WELL, I SUPPOSE |
| 201 | WE JUST TRY TO NOT LOOK DIRECTLY AT IT. |
| 202 | LIKE AN ECLIPSE. |
| 203 | SO WHEN PEOPLE COMPLIMENT ME ON MY COOKING TONIGHT |
| 204 | WHAT DO I SAY? |
| 205 | YOU SAY, "THANK YOU VERY MUCH." |
| 206 | AND THEN YOU BUY ME SOMETHING PRETTY. |
| 207 | COME ON, WE'RE GOING TO PUT OUR HANDS IN THIS BOWL |
| 208 | AND WE'RE GOING TO START SQUISHING THE TOMATOES. |
| 209 | OH, THIS FEELS VERY WEIRD. |
| 210 | YOU TOUCH PEOPLE'S EYEBALLS EVERY DAY |
| 211 | AND THIS FEELS WEIRD? |
| 212 | SURE, I TOUCH THEM |
| 213 | BUT I SPENT YEARS LEARNING NOT TO SQUISH THEM. |
| 214 | THAT'S MY HAND. |
| 215 | OH. |
| 216 | OKAY. |
| 217 | GOT TO KEEP SQUISHING. |
| 218 | THE TOMATOES ARE SQUISHING. |
| 219 | OH. |
| 220 | OH, GOSH |
| 221 | YOU GOT SOME ON YOUR SHIRT. |
| 222 | HOLD ON A SEC. |
| 223 | OKAY, WE JUST PUT A LITTLE CLUB SODA ON IT. |
| 224 | IF WE GET TO IT RIGHT AWAY |
| 225 | IT SHOULD... DO... |
| 226 | THE TRICK. |
| 227 | WHAT? |
| 228 | UM, YOU'VE GOT SOME ON YOUR PANTS. |
| 229 | I'LL JUST THROW THEM OUT. |
| 230 | THESE LITTLE WOMEN. |
| 231 | WOW! |
| 232 | YOU'RE LIKING IT, HUH? |
| 233 | OH, YEAH. |
| 234 | AMY JUST BURNED JO's MANUSCRIPT. |
| 235 | I DON'T SEE HOW HE COULD EVER FORGIVE HER. |
| 236 | UM, JO's A GIRL. |
| 237 | IT'S SHORT FOR JOSEPHINE. |
| 238 | BUT JO's GOT A CRUSH ON LAURIE. |
| 239 | OH. |
| 240 | YOU MEAN IT'S LIKE A GIRL-GIRL THING? |
| 241 | 'CAUSE THAT IS THE ONE THING MISSING FROM THE SHINING. |
| 242 | NO, ACTUALLY, LAURIE'S A BOY. |
| 243 | NO WONDER RACHEL HAD TO READ THIS SO MANY TIMES. |
| 244 | HEY. |
| 245 | HEY. |
| 246 | HEY, HOW'D THE BASKETBALL GO? |
| 247 | OH, OKAY, I LEARNED HOW TO SHOOT A LAY-UP |
| 248 | A FOUL SHOT AND A 23 POINTER. |
| 249 | YOU MEAN A THREE POINTER? |
| 250 | I GET MORE BECAUSE I'M DAINTY. |
| 251 | IS THERE A PHONE HERE I CAN CHECK MY MESSAGES? |
| 252 | YEAH, IN THE BACK. |
| 253 | DO YOU WANT A QUARTER? |
| 254 | OH, NO, THANKS. |
| 255 | I ALWAYS CARRY ONE IN MY SOCK. |
| 256 | WHAT ARE YOU DOING? |
| 257 | GET BACK OVER ON YOUR SIDE OF THE... |
| 258 | HELLO! |
| 259 | HI. I'M JOEY. |
| 260 | WE HAVEN'T MET. |
| 261 | GOOD TO MEET YOU. ROBERT. |
| 262 | OKAY... |
| 263 | ( laughing ) |
| 264 | WHAT? |
| 265 | WHAT? YOU GUYS? |
| 266 | WHAT IS GOING ON? |
| 267 | DO YOU NOT LIKE ROBERT? |
| 268 | WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING? |
| 269 | CALM DOWN. |
| 270 | THERE'S NO REASON TO GET TESTY. |
| 271 | ( loud laughing ) |
| 272 | YOU GUYS, COME ON. |
| 273 | WE'RE SORRY. |
| 274 | WE'RE SORRY. |
| 275 | IT JUST SEEMS THAT ROBERT ISN'T AS CONCEALED |
| 276 | IN THE SHORTS AREA |
| 277 | AS UH, ONE MAY HAVE HOPED. |
| 278 | WHAT DO YOU MEAN? |
| 279 | HEY. |
| 280 | HEY. |
| 281 | UH, ROBERT, COULD YOU, UH... |
| 282 | UH, PASS ME THOSE COOKIES? |
| 283 | SURE. |
| 284 | ( gasps ) |
| 285 | SO HOW DID THE LASAGNA GO OVER? |
| 286 | REALLY? |
| 287 | GOOD. |
| 288 | SO YOU OWE ME THREE PRETTY THINGS. |
| 289 | YEAH. I'VE BEEN THINKING A LOT ABOUT YOU, TOO. |
| 290 | I KNOW. |
| 291 | IT'S HARD THIS PLATONOMY THING. |
| 292 | IT'S A WORD. |
| 293 | ( knocking ) |
| 294 | YEAH. |
| 295 | I DO THINK IT'S BETTER THIS WAY. |
| 296 | YEAH, WE'RE BEING SMART. |
| 297 | YES, I'M SURE. |
| 298 | YOU'RE REALLY SURE? |
| 299 | I'LL CALL YOU BACK. |
| 300 | SO WE CAN BE FRIENDS WHO SLEEP TOGETHER. |
| 301 | ABSOLUTELY. |
| 302 | THIS WILL JUST BE SOMETHING WE DO |
| 303 | LIKE... RACQUETBALL. |
| 304 | YEAH. SOUNDS SMART AND HEALTHY TO ME. |
| 305 | SO, UM... JUST OUT OF, UH, CURIOSITY |
| 306 | UM, DO YOU CURRENTLY |
| 307 | HAVE ANY OTHER RACQUETBALL BUDDIES? |
| 308 | JUST YOUR DAD. |
| 309 | ALTHOUGH THAT'S ACTUALLY RACQUETBALL. |
| 310 | YOU KNOW, I-I DO HAVE... |
| 311 | A BLIND DATE WITH MY SISTER'S NEIGHBOR |
| 312 | NEXT... TUESDAY. |
| 313 | OH. |
| 314 | YOU WANT ME TO CANCEL IT? |
| 315 | NO. |
| 316 | ( chuckles ) |
| 317 | NO. |
| 318 | YEAH. |
| 319 | 'CAUSE IF YOU DID |
| 320 | THAT MEANS YOU'D BE CANCELING FOR ME... |
| 321 | AND WE'RE JUST FRIENDS. |
| 322 | EXACTLY. |
| 323 | HEY. |
| 324 | OH, DON'T SIT DOWN. |
| 325 | READY TO GO TO THE BATTING CAGE? |
| 326 | YEAH, YOU BET, AND FIRST, HERE'S A GIFT. |
| 327 | OH. |
| 328 | WOW! |
| 329 | HEY... |
| 330 | STRETCHY PANTS! |
| 331 | WELL, THOSE ARE THE GREATEST THINGS IN THE WORLD. |
| 332 | IF I WERE YOU, I'D WEAR THEM EVERY DAY, EVERY DAY. |
| 333 | GEEZ, THANK YOU. |
| 334 | REALLY, THAT'S SO NICE |
| 335 | BUT, UM, TO BE HONEST |
| 336 | I DON'T THINK I CAN WEAR THESE-- |
| 337 | THEY'RE SO TIGHT. |
| 338 | I'D FEEL LIKE I'M ON DISPLAY. |
| 339 | I'M SORRY. |
| 340 | THAT'S ALL RIGHT. |
| 341 | I'LL... FIGURE... |
| 342 | TAKE CARE. |
| 343 | HEY! |
| 344 | ( chuckling ): HI. |
| 345 | HOW'S IT GOING? |
| 346 | HEY, RACH... GOOD. |
| 347 | HOW ARE YOU DOING WITH THE SHINING? |
| 348 | OH, DANNY JUST WENT INTO ROOM 217. |
| 349 | OOH... THE NEXT PART'S THE BEST |
| 350 | WHEN THAT DEAD LADY IN THE BATHTUB... |
| 351 | OH, NO, NO, NO! COME ON, YOU'RE GOING TO RUIN IT. |
| 352 | ALL RIGHT. I'LL TALK IN CODE. |
| 353 | REMEMBER... |
| 354 | WHEN THE KID SEES THAT BLANK IN THE HALLWAY? |
| 355 | OOH... |
| 356 | YEAH. THAT'S VERY COOL. |
| 357 | OH! ALL BLANK AND NO BLANK |
| 358 | MAKES BLANK A BLANK BLANK. |
| 359 | NO, THE END-- WHEN JACK ALMOST KILLS THEM ALL WITH THAT BLANK |
| 360 | BUT THEN IN THE LAST SECOND, THEY GET AWAY. |
| 361 | OH! OH, OH! |
| 362 | JOEY, I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU JUST DID THAT. |
| 363 | I CAN'T BELIEVE SHE CRACKED YOUR CODE. |
| 364 | ALL RIGHT. OKAY. |
| 365 | LAURIE PROPOSES TO JOE, AND SHE SAYS NO |
| 366 | EVEN THOUGH SHE'S STILL IN LOVE WITH HIM |
| 367 | AND THEN HE ENDS UP MARRYING AMY. |
| 368 | HEY! |
| 369 | MINE WAS BY ACCIDENT! |
| 370 | ALL RIGHT. THE BOILER EXPLODES |
| 371 | AND DESTROYS THE HOTEL |
| 372 | AND KILLS THE DAD. |
| 373 | ( gasps ) |
| 374 | BETH DIES. |
| 375 | ( gasps ) |
| 376 | BETH... |
| 377 | BETH DIES? |
| 378 | MM-HMM. |
| 379 | IS THAT TRUE? |
| 380 | IF I KEEP READING, IS BETH GOING TO DIE? |
| 381 | NO, BETH DOESN'T DIE. |
| 382 | SHE DOESN'T DIE. |
| 383 | DOES SHE, RACHEL? |
| 384 | WHAT?! |
| 385 | JOEY'S ASKING IF YOU'VE JUST RUINED |
| 386 | THE FIRST BOOK HE'S EVER LOVED |
| 387 | THAT DIDN'T STAR JACK NICHOLSON. |
| 388 | NO. |
| 389 | SHE DOESN'T DIE. |
| 390 | THEN WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT? |
| 391 | BECAUSE... |
| 392 | I WANTED TO HURT YOU. |
| 393 | OH, THERE THEY ARE. |
| 394 | I-I DROPPED MY KEYS. |
| 395 | ( gasps ) |
| 396 | OH, MY! |
| 397 | GOT THEM. |
| 398 | HI. AAH! |
| 399 | SORRY. |
| 400 | I'M SORRY. |
| 401 | YOU WOULD NOT BELIEVE MY DAY. |
| 402 | I HAD TO WORK TWO SHIFTS |
| 403 | AND THEN TO TOP IT OFF |
| 404 | I LOST ONE OF MY FAKE BOOBS... |
| 405 | IN A GRILL FIRE. |
| 406 | WHAT ARE YOU SMILING AT? |
| 407 | I WAS JUST THINKING |
| 408 | YOUR DAY COULD STILL PICK UP. |
| 409 | YEAH, RIGHT. |
| 410 | HELLO. |
| 411 | I LOVE THIS FRIEND THING! |
| 412 | LISTEN, ROBERT'S GOING TO BE HERE ANY SECOND. |
| 413 | SO, COULD ONE OF YOU JUST TELL HIM? |
| 414 | PLEASE. RIGHT NOW... ( groans ) |
| 415 | EVERY TIME I SEE HIM |
| 416 | IT'S LIKE, "IS IT ON THE LOOSE? |
| 417 | IS IT WATCHING ME?" |
| 418 | LOOK, WE CAN'T TELL HIM. |
| 419 | YOU CAN'T GO UP TO A GUY YOU BARELY KNOW |
| 420 | AND TALK ABOUT HIS... |
| 421 | STUFF. |
| 422 | HE'S RIGHT-- |
| 423 | EVEN IF IT'S TO SAY SOMETHING COMPLIMENTARY. |
| 424 | HEY. |
| 425 | HEY. |
| 426 | SO, YOU READY FOR THE GYM? |
| 427 | THEY GOT THIS NEW ROCK-CLIMBING WALL. |
| 428 | WE CAN SPOT EACH OTHER. |
| 429 | YOU KNOW, I CAN SPOT YOU FROM HERE. |
| 430 | WHAT? |
| 431 | OKAY. |
| 432 | LISTEN, ROBERT... |
| 433 | HEY, DON'T WE HAVE TO...? |
| 434 | YEAH, WE GOT... YEAH, MM-HMM. |
| 435 | UM... |
| 436 | ( sighs ) |
| 437 | I THINK YOU'RE REALLY, REALLY GREAT. |
| 438 | OH, GOD. |
| 439 | HERE WE GO AGAIN. |
| 440 | WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING TO ME? |
| 441 | IS IT SOMETHING I'M PUTTING OUT THERE? |
| 442 | IS THIS MY FAULT? |
| 443 | OR AM I JUST NUTS? |
| 444 | I... I-I-I-I DON'T KNOW... |
| 445 | I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY. |
| 446 | HEY, BUDDY, THIS IS A FAMILY PLACE. |
| 447 | PUT THE MOUSE BACK IN THE HOUSE. |
| 448 | OH... |
| 449 | ( door opens ) |
| 450 | Richard: REALLY? |
| 451 | IT'S JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE'S APARTMENT. |
| 452 | IT'S GOT ROOMS AND WALLS AND CEILINGS. |
| 453 | Woman: I WANTED TO SEE WHERE YOU LIVE. |
| 454 | GIVE ME THE TOUR. |
| 455 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 456 | OH, MY GOD! |
| 457 | THIS IS THE LIVING ROOM... |
| 458 | THAT'S NICE. |
| 459 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 460 | AND THIS IS THE KITCHEN. |
| 461 | THAT'S REAL PRETTY. |
| 462 | WAIT A MINUTE. |
| 463 | DON'T I GET TO SEE THE BEDROOM? |
| 464 | THE BEDROOM... |
| 465 | ( chuckles ) |
| 466 | OH, IT'S PRETTY MUCH |
| 467 | YOUR TYPICAL... |
| 468 | BEDROOM. ( laughs ) |
| 469 | WE'RE STILL ON THIS SIDE OF THE DOOR. |
| 470 | MM-HMM. |
| 471 | YEAH, BUT I DIDN'T GET TO SEE IT. |
| 472 | OH, SHOOT. |
| 473 | MAYBE NEXT TIME. |
| 474 | ( yawns ) |
| 475 | THANKS FOR A LOVELY EVENING. |
| 476 | SO, UM, WHO IS SHE? |
| 477 | OH. THAT WAS THE BLIND DATE THAT I TOLD YOU ABOUT. |
| 478 | SHE CALLED AND SWITCHED IT FROM TUESDAY. |
| 479 | OH. |
| 480 | DID YOU LIKE HER? |
| 481 | AND I'M JUST ASKING AS A FRIEND |
| 482 | BECAUSE I AM TOTALLY FINE WITH THIS. |
| 483 | WELL, YOU SEEM FINE. |
| 484 | OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 485 | I-I'M NOT FINE. |
| 486 | I'M NOT. |
| 487 | HOW CAN I BE FINE? |
| 488 | HEARING YOU COME IN WITH HER... |
| 489 | SHE WANTS TO SEE YOUR BEDROOM... |
| 490 | ( sighs ) |
| 491 | YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 492 | WHAT IF WE'RE FRIENDS... |
| 493 | WHO DON'T SEE OTHER PEOPLE? |
| 494 | YOU MEAN, LIKE EXCLUSIVE FRIENDS? |
| 495 | WHY NOT? HMM? |
| 496 | I MEAN, THIS HAS BEEN THE MOST AMAZING WEEK. |
| 497 | I MEAN, WOULD IT BE SO TERRIBLE? |
| 498 | EVEN IF WE WERE FRIENDS WHO... |
| 499 | WHO LIVED TOGETHER. |
| 500 | OR... MAYBE SOMEDAY |
| 501 | FRIENDS WHO... |
| 502 | WHO STOOD UP IN FRONT OF THEIR OTHER FRIENDS |
| 503 | AND VOWED TO BE FRIENDS FOREVER. |
| 504 | WOW. |
| 505 | DO YOU KNOW WE'RE BACK WHERE WE WERE? |
| 506 | HONEY, I WOULD LOVE TO DO ALL THAT |
| 507 | BUT NOTHING'S CHANGED. |
| 508 | THAT'S NOT TRUE. |
| 509 | YOU DON'T HAVE A MOUSTACHE. |
| 510 | ( chuckles ) |
| 511 | OKAY, OKAY. |
| 512 | ONE THING'S CHANGED. |
| 513 | BUT WE STILL WANT DIFFERENT THINGS |
| 514 | AND WE KNOW HOW THIS IS GOING TO END. |
| 515 | YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 516 | I GOT TO WALK OUT OF HERE RIGHT NOW... |
| 517 | 'CAUSE GETTING OVER YOU IS THE HARDEST THING |
| 518 | THAT I HAVE EVER HAD TO DO. |
| 519 | UM... I DON'T THINK I COULD DO IT AGAIN. |
| 520 | I KNOW I COULDN'T. |
| 521 | YEAH. |
| 522 | SO... |
| 523 | HOW ABOUT ONE LAST GAME OF RACQUETBALL, HMM? |
| 524 | WATCH THE THORNS. |
| 525 | OW! |
| 526 | WHAT? |
| 527 | BETH IS REALLY, REALLY SICK. |
| 528 | OH... |
| 529 | OH, OH... |
| 530 | JO'S THERE... |
| 531 | BUT I DON'T THINK THERE'S ANYTHING SHE CAN DO. |
| 532 | OH... |
| 533 | JOEY? |
| 534 | YEAH? |
| 535 | YOU WANT TO PUT THE BOOK IN THE FREEZER? |
| 536 | OKAY. |
| 537 | Captioned by The Caption Center WGBH Educational Foundation] |
| 538 | |
| 1 | ( guitar strumming ) |
| 2 | ♪ 'CAUSE EVERY TIME I SEE YOUR FACE ♪ |
| 3 | ♪ I CAN'T HELP BUT FALL FROM GRACE... ♪ |
| 4 | WOW. THIS GIRL'S GOOD. |
| 5 | OH, YEAH, A SONG WITH RHYMING WORDS-- |
| 6 | I NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT BEFORE. |
| 7 | ♪ SAY YOU'LL STAY BESIDE ME... ♪ |
| 8 | I LIKE HER. |
| 9 | WHY, 'CAUSE SHE CAN SING AND PLAY GUITAR |
| 10 | AND DO BOTH AT THE SAME TIME? |
| 11 | WELL, THAT'S PRETTY MUCH ALL I'M LOOKING FOR |
| 12 | FROM THESE PEOPLE. |
| 13 | LOOK AT YOU, ALL JEALOUS. |
| 14 | YEAH, PHEEBS, COME ON |
| 15 | YOU TWO HAVE COMPLETELY DIFFERENT STYLES. |
| 16 | YOU KNOW, SHE'S MORE... |
| 17 | YOU KNOW, AND... |
| 18 | YOU'RE MORE... |
| 19 | ♪ SAY YOU'LL STAY BESIDE ME ♪ |
| 20 | YEAH. |
| 21 | SEE? SEE? EVERYBODY ELSE IS HAPPY SHE'S DONE. |
| 22 | OKAY, MY NEXT SONG IS CALLED |
| 23 | "PHOEBE BUFFAY, WHAT CAN I SAY? |
| 24 | "I REALLY LOVED "WHEN WE WERE SINGING PARTNERS |
| 25 | AND I SHOULDN'T HAVE LEFT YOU THAT WAY." |
| 26 | OH, NO. ONE OF THOSE "LOOK FOR THE HIDDEN MEANING" SONGS. |
| 27 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 28 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 29 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 30 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 31 | ♪ WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY ♪ |
| 32 | ♪ YOUR WEEK, YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 33 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 34 | ♪ WHEN THE RAIN STARTS TO POUR ♪ |
| 35 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 36 | ♪ LIKE I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE ♪ |
| 37 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 38 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME, TOO. ♪ |
| 39 | HEY, PHOEBE. |
| 40 | HEY, LESLIE. |
| 41 | HOW'D YOU KNOW I'D BE HERE? |
| 42 | I RAN INTO VLAD AT THE PLACE WHERE THEY SELL THE BIG FISH. |
| 43 | HE SAID YOU PLAYED HERE A LOT, SO, UM... |
| 44 | LISTEN, I HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM |
| 45 | BUT IF "THE PLACE WITH THE BIG FISH" COMES UP AGAIN, |
| 46 | I'D LIKE TO KNOW WHETHER THAT'S SEVERAL BIG FISH |
| 47 | OR JUST ONE BIG FISH. |
| 48 | SO, PHOEBE TELLS US YOU WRITE JINGLES. |
| 49 | ACTUALLY, I SAID SHE ABANDONED ME |
| 50 | TO WRITE JINGLES. |
| 51 | Joey: UH, ANYTHING |
| 52 | WE MIGHT HAVE HEARD OF? |
| 53 | UH, YEAH, UM... |
| 54 | ♪ HOME IS NEVER FAR AWAY ♪ |
| 55 | All except Phoebe: ♪ HOME IS HOMESTAR STEW ♪ |
| 56 | YEAH, BUT I DON'T DO THAT ANYMORE. |
| 57 | I GOT KIND OF SICK OF IT |
| 58 | AND THEN I COULDN'T COME UP WITH ANYTHING GOOD |
| 59 | SO THEY FIRED ME. |
| 60 | BUMMER. |
| 61 | WELL, UH, YOU KNOW, I WAS JUST... |
| 62 | UM, I WAS JUST THINKING |
| 63 | AND JUST HOPING THAT... |
| 64 | MAYBE YOU'D WANT TO GET BACK TOGETHER. |
| 65 | NO, BUT THANKS. |
| 66 | COME ON, PHOEBE, WOULD YOU JUST THINK ABOUT IT? |
| 67 | OKAY. |
| 68 | NO, BUT THANKS. |
| 69 | OKAY. |
| 70 | UH... |
| 71 | SEE YOU, PHEEBS. |
| 72 | WOW. THAT WAS KIND OF BRUTAL. |
| 73 | WELL, OKAY, LET THIS BE A LESSON TO ALL OF YOU. |
| 74 | ALL RIGHT? ONCE YOU... ONCE YOU BETRAY ME |
| 75 | I BECOME LIKE THE ICEWOMAN. |
| 76 | YOU KNOW, I'M JUST... VERY COLD, HARD... UNYIELDING. |
| 77 | YOU KNOW, NOTHING... |
| 78 | NOTHING CAN PENETRATE THIS ICY EXTERIOR. |
| 79 | CAN I HAVE A TISSUE, PLEASE? |
| 80 | OH, YES. |
| 81 | Phoebe: THANK YOU. |
| 82 | SOMEONE IN THERE? |
| 83 | NO, THIS IS JUST PART OF A DAREDEVIL GAME THAT I PLAY |
| 84 | CALL "WAIT UNTIL THE LAST MOMENT |
| 85 | BEFORE I BURST AND DIE." |
| 86 | GEEZ, MAN, DID YOU FALL...? |
| 87 | HI. |
| 88 | SO, UH, DID YOU? |
| 89 | DID YOU FALL HI? |
| 90 | SOMEONE WAS IN THE LADIES' ROOM; I COULDN'T WAIT. |
| 91 | I LEFT THE LID UP FOR YOU, THOUGH. |
| 92 | ( laughs ) |
| 93 | YOU KNOW WHAT, GUNTHER? |
| 94 | GO, UH, GO AHEAD. |
| 95 | I'M TALKING TO, UH... |
| 96 | THIS IS THE PART WHERE YOU SAY YOUR NAME. |
| 97 | GINGER. GINGER. |
| 98 | I'M TALKING TO GINGER. SO... |
| 99 | DON'T YOU HAVE TO USE THE BATHROOM? |
| 100 | NO. NO. |
| 101 | I JUST, UH... I'D RATHER, UH, TALK TO YOU. |
| 102 | YES, I DO. |
| 103 | YES, I DO HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM. |
| 104 | SOMEONE IN HERE. |
| 105 | WHERE'S CHANDLER? |
| 106 | HE CAN'T MAKE IT. |
| 107 | HE HAD TO GO BACK TO HIS JOB |
| 108 | AND DO, UH... |
| 109 | WHOA-OH. |
| 110 | JOEY? |
| 111 | JOEY TRIBBIANI. |
| 112 | JOEY, I CAN SEE YOU, OKAY? |
| 113 | YOU'RE HIDING BEHIND THE COATS. |
| 114 | OH... |
| 115 | CLOSE ONE. |
| 116 | HI. |
| 117 | HI, SWEETIE. |
| 118 | HELLO. |
| 119 | HEY, ROSS. |
| 120 | YUH-HUH. |
| 121 | I'VE GOT SOME BAD NEWS. |
| 122 | WHAT? I CAN GET A QUICK BITE TO EAT |
| 123 | BUT THEN I'M GOING TO HAVE TO COME BACK UP HERE. COME ON, SWEETIE. |
| 124 | YOU'VE HAD TO WORK LATE EVERY NIGHT |
| 125 | FOR THE PAST TWO WEEKS. |
| 126 | WHAT IS IT THIS TIME? |
| 127 | ACTUALLY, IT'S MY FAULT. |
| 128 | I QUIT TODAY. |
| 129 | BUT WORK COMES FIRST. |
| 130 | OH, HEY, BUT THAT'S SAD ABOUT YOU, THOUGH. |
| 131 | WHAT HAPPENED? |
| 132 | WHAT HAPPENED? BURN OUT? |
| 133 | BURN ALL OUT, DID YOU? |
| 134 | NO, HE'S LEAVING FOR A BETTER JOB. |
| 135 | OH, WELL, THAT'S GREAT. |
| 136 | SO I GUESS THIS IS GOOD-BYE THEN. |
| 137 | GOOD-BYE. |
| 138 | OKAY THEN. OKAY. |
| 139 | WELL, WE'RE GOING TO MISS YOU AROUND HERE. |
| 140 | YEAH, ME, TOO. |
| 141 | SO, I'LL SEE YOU ON SATURDAY. |
| 142 | YEAH, YOU BET. |
| 143 | ( beeping ) |
| 144 | ( gasps ) |
| 145 | UCCH. |
| 146 | NOW, YOU KNOW THOSE ARE A DELICACY IN INDIA. |
| 147 | YEAH, THAT WAS LESLIE CALLING AGAIN |
| 148 | TO SEE IF WE CAN GET BACK TOGETHER. |
| 149 | IT'S LIKE THE 20th TIME TODAY. |
| 150 | GOOD LUCK, LESLIE. |
| 151 | WOW. SHE MUST HAVE HURT YOU PRETTY BAD, HUH? |
| 152 | WELL, YEAH. |
| 153 | WE WERE BEST FRIENDS. |
| 154 | EVER SINCE WE WERE LITTLE |
| 155 | OUR MOMS WORKED ON THE BARGE TOGETHER. |
| 156 | OH. |
| 157 | YOU TWO MUST'VE BEEN SO CUTE |
| 158 | RUNNING AROUND ON A BARGE. |
| 159 | YOU NEVER RUN ON A BARGE. |
| 160 | HEY. |
| 161 | HEY. HEY. |
| 162 | IS, UH, IS CHANDLER AROUND? |
| 163 | NO. HE MET SOME GIRL AT THE COFFEEHOUSE. |
| 164 | OOH. |
| 165 | YEAH. GINGER SOMETHING. |
| 166 | NO. |
| 167 | NO, NO. |
| 168 | ARE YOU SURE IT WASN'T SOMETHING THAT SOUNDED LIKE GINGER? |
| 169 | LIKE, UH, GINGEER? |
| 170 | NO, IT WAS GINGER. |
| 171 | I REMEMBER BECAUSE WHEN HE TOLD ME, I SAID... |
| 172 | ♪ THE MOVIE STAR... ♪ |
| 173 | AW, MAN. |
| 174 | THAT'S THE GIRL I WAS HIDING FROM. |
| 175 | WHEN SHE FINDS OUT HE'S MY ROOMMATE |
| 176 | SHE'S GOING TO TELL HIM WHAT I DID. |
| 177 | WHAT DID YOU DO? |
| 178 | OH, OH, NO, NO, I CAN'T... I CAN'T TELL YOU THAT. |
| 179 | IT'S LIKE THE MOST AWFUL, HORRIBLE THING |
| 180 | I'VE EVER DONE IN MY WHOLE LIFE. |
| 181 | YOU KNOW WHAT? DON'T TELL US. |
| 182 | WE'LL JUST WAIT TILL CHANDLER GETS HOME |
| 183 | BECAUSE IT'LL BE MORE FUN THAT WAY. |
| 184 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 185 | OKAY, IT WAS LIKE FOUR YEARS AGO. |
| 186 | GINGER AND I HAD GONE OUT A FEW TIMES. |
| 187 | AND THEN THIS ONE WEEKEND |
| 188 | WE WENT UP TO HER DAD'S CABIN-- |
| 189 | JUST ME, HER, AND HER ANNOYING LITTLE DOG, PEPPER. |
| 190 | WELL, THAT NIGHT I COOKED THIS REALLY ROMANTIC DINNER... |
| 191 | YOU GAVE HER FOOD POISONING! |
| 192 | I WISH. |
| 193 | AFTER DINNER, ME, HER, AND PEPPER ALL FELL ASLEEP |
| 194 | IN FRONT OF THE FIRE. |
| 195 | WELL, I WOKE UP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT |
| 196 | AND I SAW THAT THE FIRE WAS DYING OUT |
| 197 | SO I PICKED UP A LOG AND THREW IT ON. |
| 198 | OR AT LEAST WHAT I THOUGHT WAS A LOG. |
| 199 | OH, MY GOD, YOU THREW PEPPER ON THE FIRE. |
| 200 | I WISH. |
| 201 | SEE, I GUESS ANOTHER THING |
| 202 | I PROBABLY SHOULD'VE TOLD YOU ABOUT GINGER |
| 203 | IS THAT SHE KIND OF HAS A, UH... |
| 204 | ARTIFICIAL LEG. |
| 205 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 206 | JOEY, WHAT DID YOU DO |
| 207 | AFTER YOU THREW HER LEG ON THE FIRE? |
| 208 | I RAN! |
| 209 | WELL, THAT'S THE BEST KISS I'VE HAD |
| 210 | WITH ANYBODY I MET IN THE MEN'S ROOM. |
| 211 | ACTUALLY, ME, TOO. |
| 212 | OH. FOOT IN THE PUDDLE. |
| 213 | FOOT ALL IN THE PUDDLE. |
| 214 | OH, DAMN. I HATE THAT. |
| 215 | WE'RE GOING TO HAVE TO GET YOU OUT OF THOSE SHOES. |
| 216 | OH, DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT. |
| 217 | NO, REALLY, YOU'RE GOING TO FREEZE. |
| 218 | NO, I'M NOT. I'M... |
| 219 | YOU'RE NOT? WHAT DO YOU...? |
| 220 | WHAT DO YOU GOT, A BIONIC FOOT? |
| 221 | SOMEDAY MAYBE. |
| 222 | ( chuckles ) |
| 223 | FUNNY BOOK? |
| 224 | HMM? OH, NO, NO. |
| 225 | I'M JUST THINKING ABOUT SOMETHING FUNNY I HEARD TODAY-- |
| 226 | UM, MARK... MARK SAYING, "I'LL SEE YOU SATURDAY." |
| 227 | YEAH, AT THE LECTURE. |
| 228 | I TOLD YOU THAT LAST WEEK. |
| 229 | YOU SAID YOU DIDN'T MIND. |
| 230 | OH, NO, NO, IT'S NOT THE LECTURE I MIND. |
| 231 | UM... PLEASE TELL ME IT'S NOT 'CAUSE I'M GOING WITH MARK. |
| 232 | WELL... OH, MY GOD! ROSS! |
| 233 | WELL, I'M SORRY, BUT... |
| 234 | LOOK, IF YOU'RE NOT WORKING WITH HIM ANYMORE |
| 235 | WHY DO YOU STILL HAVE TO DO STUFF WITH HIM? |
| 236 | BECAUSE HE'S MY FRIEND. |
| 237 | OKAY, BUT DO YOU REALLY NEED ANOTHER FRIEND? |
| 238 | OKAY, WELL |
| 239 | IF I STOP PLAYING WITH JOEY AND CHANDLER |
| 240 | CAN I PLAY WITH MARK? |
| 241 | IS THAT FUNNY? AM I SUPPOSED TO BE LAUGHING? |
| 242 | I DON'T KNOW. |
| 243 | YOU THOUGHT "SEE YOU SATURDAY" WAS FUNNY. |
| 244 | HONEY, MARK IS IN FASHION. I LIKE HAVING A FRIEND |
| 245 | THAT I CAN SHARE THIS STUFF WITH. |
| 246 | YOU GUYS WOULD NEVER WANT TO GO TO A LECTURE WITH ME. |
| 247 | PAAH! |
| 248 | I WOULD LOVE TO GO WITH YOU. REALLY? |
| 249 | YEAH. HEY, I HAVE CLOTHES. |
| 250 | I EVEN PICK THEM OUT. |
| 251 | I MEAN, FOR ALL YOU KNOW, I COULD BE A FASHION... |
| 252 | MONGER. |
| 253 | OKAY, HONEY, I WOULD LOVE FOR YOU TO GO WITH ME. |
| 254 | WHAT? |
| 255 | WHAT SHOULD I WEAR? NOW I'M ALL NERVOUS. |
| 256 | OH. |
| 257 | YOU KNOW, THEY SAY A WATCHED POT NEVER BEEPS. |
| 258 | YOU KNOW, IT'S BEEN A COUPLE OF HOURS, AND... |
| 259 | SHE HASN'T CALLED. |
| 260 | NOT THAT I EVEN CARE. |
| 261 | I DON'T. |
| 262 | PHOEBE, WHY DON'T YOU JUST CALL HER? |
| 263 | YOU OBVIOUSLY WANT TO. |
| 264 | YOU THINK YOU KNOW ME SO WELL. |
| 265 | DON'T YOU WANT TO? |
| 266 | YEAH. |
| 267 | OKAY, SO I DO KNOW YOU. |
| 268 | THAT'S WHAT I SAID. |
| 269 | WELL, SO? |
| 270 | I CAN'T. |
| 271 | I CAN'T. |
| 272 | SHE DUMPED ME. |
| 273 | I TOTALLY TRUSTED HER |
| 274 | AND THEN ONE DAY, IT WAS LIKE, "BYE, PHEEBS." GONE. |
| 275 | YOU KNOW WHAT THE SADDEST PART IS? |
| 276 | WHEN WE WERE PLAYING TOGETHER |
| 277 | THAT WAS LIKE THE MOST FUN I'VE EVER HAD |
| 278 | IN, LIKE, ALL MY LIVES. |
| 279 | ♪ MY FAVORITE SHOES, SO GOOD TO ME ♪ |
| 280 | ♪ I WEAR THEM EVERY DAY ♪ |
| 281 | ♪ DOWN AT THE HEEL, HOLES IN THE TOES ♪ |
| 282 | ♪ DON'T CARE WHAT PEOPLE SAY ♪ |
| 283 | ♪ MY FEET'S BEST FRIEND, PALS TO THE END ♪ |
| 284 | ♪ WITH THEM I'M ONE HOT CHICKY ♪ |
| 285 | ♪ THOUGH LATE ONE NIGHT ♪ |
| 286 | ♪ NOT MUCH LIGHT ♪ |
| 287 | ♪ I STEPPED IN SOMETHING ICKY ♪ |
| 288 | ♪ STICKY SHOES ♪ |
| 289 | ♪ STICKY SHOES ♪ |
| 290 | ♪ ALWAYS MAKES ME SMILE ♪ |
| 291 | ♪ STICKY SHOES ♪ |
| 292 | ♪ STICKY SHOES ♪ |
| 293 | ♪ NEXT TIME I'LL ♪ |
| 294 | ♪ AVOID THE ♪ |
| 295 | ♪ PILE ♪ |
| 296 | ( cheering ) |
| 297 | Man: WE'RE BEGINNING TO SEE |
| 298 | A LOT OF LAYERING OF SHEER FABRICS AND COLORS. |
| 299 | FOR INSTANCE, A SHEER NAVY BLOUSE |
| 300 | OVER A PINK BODYSUIT... |
| 301 | I'M REALLY GLAD WE CAME. |
| 302 | ...THE WISPY CHIFFONS AND DELICATE MESHES |
| 303 | WE'RE SEEING ON THE RUNWAYS ARE TOTALLY SHEER... |
| 304 | YOU'RE SO PRETTY. |
| 305 | ...AND THE DESIGNERS ARE USING HEAVIER JERSEYS |
| 306 | OR PROVIDING SLIPS... |
| 307 | I LOVE YOU. |
| 308 | OH. |
| 309 | WE'RE ALSO TAKING THESE GARMENTS... |
| 310 | ( singing off-key ) ♪ SMELLY CAT, SMELLY CAT ♪ |
| 311 | ♪ WHAT ARE THEY FEEDING YOU? ♪ |
| 312 | ♪ SMELLY CAT, SMELLY CAT ♪ |
| 313 | ♪ IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT. ♪ |
| 314 | WOW, THAT'S GREAT! OH, YEAH? |
| 315 | YOU KNOW, YOU COULD TOTALLY SELL THIS! |
| 316 | IT WOULD BE PERFECT FOR, LIKE, UM.... |
| 317 | A KITTY LITTER CAMPAIGN. |
| 318 | A JINGLE? NO. NO, NO, NO. NO. |
| 319 | WHY NOT? YOU MAKE A TON OF MONEY. |
| 320 | WELL, IF I WAS IN THIS FOR MONEY |
| 321 | I WOULD BE A MILLIONAIRE BY NOW. |
| 322 | OH. |
| 323 | YOU JUST GOT TO GET OUT OF THAT JINGLE HEAD, SWEETIE. |
| 324 | AH. YOU'RE RIGHT. YOU'RE RIGHT! I'M SORRY. |
| 325 | THAT'S OKAY. |
| 326 | ALL RIGHT. I'M GOING TO PLAY A SONG NOW |
| 327 | THAT'S REALLY, REALLY SAD, OKAY? |
| 328 | IT'S CALLED "MAGICIAN BOX MIX-UP." |
| 329 | Man: ...OVERSIZED BRACELETS, OVERSIZED EARRINGS |
| 330 | OVERSIZING OF ACCESSORIES IN GENERAL |
| 331 | IS VERY POPULAR NOW. |
| 332 | ( loud, choking snore ) |
| 333 | ( chuckles ) |
| 334 | ( goofy chuckle ) |
| 335 | ...GARMENTS WITH A FAR EASTERN INFLUENCE |
| 336 | ARE REALLY BREAKING OUT THIS YEAR. |
| 337 | HI. |
| 338 | CAN I BORROW THIS? |
| 339 | MY MILK'S GONE BAD. |
| 340 | OH. I HATE THAT. |
| 341 | I ONCE HAD A THING OF HALF AND HALF-- |
| 342 | STOLE MY CAR. |
| 343 | SO, UM... HOW WAS YOUR DATE WITH GINGER? |
| 344 | GREAT. IT WAS GREAT. |
| 345 | SHE'S, UH... |
| 346 | SHE'S GREAT-- GREAT-LOOKING, GREAT PERSONALITY. |
| 347 | SHE'S GREATNESS. |
| 348 | MM. |
| 349 | SOUNDS LIKE SHE'S GOT THE, UH... |
| 350 | WHOLE PACKAGE. |
| 351 | JOEY TOLD YOU ABOUT THE LEG, HUH? |
| 352 | UH-HUH. |
| 353 | OH, GOD. |
| 354 | IT FREAKED ME OUT, OKAY? |
| 355 | I KNOW IT SHOULDN'T HAVE, BUT IT DID. |
| 356 | I MEAN, I LIKE HER. I DON'T WANT TO STOP SEEING HER |
| 357 | BUT EVERY SO OFTEN, IT'S LIKE |
| 358 | "HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT? WHERE'S YOUR LEG?" |
| 359 | I MEAN, I'M THE SMALLEST PERSON IN THE WORLD, AREN'T I? |
| 360 | I'M THE SMALLEST PERSON IN THE WORLD. |
| 361 | Joey: 'MORNING. |
| 362 | ACTUALLY, HE'S THE SMALLEST PERSON |
| 363 | IN THE WORLD. |
| 364 | HEARD ABOUT THE LEG BURNING, HUH? |
| 365 | IT CAME UP. |
| 366 | LISTEN, I, UH... I KNOW IT'S A LONG SHOT BUT... |
| 367 | BY ANY CHANCE, DID SHE FIND THAT FUNNY? |
| 368 | SO I NODDED OFF A LITTLE. |
| 369 | NODDED OFF?! |
| 370 | ROSS, YOU WERE SNORING! |
| 371 | MY FATHER'S BOAT DIDN'T MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE |
| 372 | WHEN IT HIT ROCKS! |
| 373 | BUT, COME ON 45 MINUTES! |
| 374 | 45 MINUTES THE MAN TALKED ABOUT STRAPPY-BACKED DRESSES. |
| 375 | WELL, OKAY, HOW ABOUT FOUR HOURS |
| 376 | IN A FREEZING MUSEUM AUDITORIUM |
| 377 | LISTENING TO PROFESSOR PIT STAINS |
| 378 | AND HIS, "HEY, EVERYBODY! |
| 379 | "REMEMBER THAT THING THAT'S BEEN DEAD FOR A GAZILLION YEARS? |
| 380 | WELL, HERE'S A LITTLE BONE WE DIDN'T KNOW IT HAD!" |
| 381 | FIRST OF ALL, IT'S PROFESSOR PITAIN. |
| 382 | AND SECOND OF ALL, THAT LITTLE BONE PROVED |
| 383 | THAT THAT PARTICULAR DINOSAUR HAD WINGS BUT DIDN'T FLY. |
| 384 | OKAY, SEE, NOW, WHAT I JUST HEARD: |
| 385 | BLAH-BLAH-BLAH, BLAH-BLAH-BLAH-BLAH |
| 386 | BLAH-BLAH, BLAH-BLAH. |
| 387 | HUH. YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 388 | A HUNDRED MILLION PEOPLE WENT TO SEE A MOVIE |
| 389 | ABOUT WHAT I DO. |
| 390 | I WONDER HOW MANY PEOPLE |
| 391 | WOULD GO SEE A MOVIE CALLED JURASSIC PARKA. |
| 392 | OH... |
| 393 | THAT IS SO...! |
| 394 | NO, NO, NO-- A BUNCH OF OUT-OF-CONTROL JACKETS |
| 395 | TAKE OVER AN ISLAND! |
| 396 | ( falsetto gasp ) |
| 397 | YOU KNOW, IF WHAT I DO IS SO LAME |
| 398 | THEN WHY DID YOU INSIST ON COMING WITH ME THIS MORNING? |
| 399 | HUH? WAS IT SO I JUST WOULDN'T GO WITH MARK? |
| 400 | NO. |
| 401 | I... I WANTED TO BE WITH YOU. |
| 402 | I DON'T KNOW. I FEEL LIKE LATELY... |
| 403 | I FEEL LIKE YOU'RE SLIPPING AWAY FROM ME |
| 404 | YOU KNOW, WITH THIS NEW JOB AND ALL THESE NEW PEOPLE |
| 405 | AND YOU'VE GOT THIS WHOLE OTHER LIFE GOING ON. |
| 406 | I KNOW IT'S DUMB |
| 407 | BUT I... I JUST HATE THAT I'M NOT A PART OF IT. |
| 408 | IT'S NOT DUMB. |
| 409 | BUT MAYBE IT'S OKAY THAT YOU'RE NOT A PART OF IT. |
| 410 | YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? |
| 411 | I MEAN, IT'S LIKE |
| 412 | I LIKE THAT YOU'RE NOT INVOLVED |
| 413 | IN THAT PART OF MY LIFE. |
| 414 | THAT'S A LITTLE CLEARER. |
| 415 | NO, BUT HONEY, SEE |
| 416 | IT DOESN'T MEAN THAT I DON'T LOVE YOU |
| 417 | BECAUSE I DO. |
| 418 | I LOVE YOU. |
| 419 | I LOVE YOU SO MUCH |
| 420 | BUT MY WORK, IT'S FOR ME, YOU KNOW? |
| 421 | I'M OUT THERE ON MY OWN AND I'M DOING IT |
| 422 | AND IT'S SCARY |
| 423 | BUT I LOVE IT BECAUSE IT'S MINE. |
| 424 | BUT, I MEAN, IS THAT OKAY? |
| 425 | SURE, UH... |
| 426 | ( no audio ) |
| 427 | YOU'RE THINKING ABOUT MY LEG, AREN'T YOU? |
| 428 | NO. |
| 429 | NO, ACTUALLY, I FORGET. |
| 430 | WHAT IS THE DEAL WITH THAT AGAIN? |
| 431 | LOOK, IT'S OKAY IF IT BOTHERS YOU. |
| 432 | REALLY. I MEAN, THE ONLY THING I NEED TO KNOW |
| 433 | IS HOW MUCH IT BOTHERS YOU |
| 434 | BECAUSE I DON'T LIKE WASTING MY TIME. |
| 435 | AM I WASTING MY TIME? |
| 436 | NO. |
| 437 | NO, I DON'T THINK SO. |
| 438 | OKAY. |
| 439 | I MEAN, IT'S JUST LIKE ANYTHING ELSE: |
| 440 | YOU JUST HAVE TO GET USED TO IT. |
| 441 | MM. MM. |
| 442 | WHAT'S THAT? |
| 443 | THAT'S... THAT'S MY NUBBIN. |
| 444 | WHAT'S A NUBBIN? |
| 445 | ( clears throat ) |
| 446 | IT'S KIND OF A UH... |
| 447 | A THIRD NIPPLE KIND OF THING. |
| 448 | DO YOU HAVE THREE NIPPLES? |
| 449 | WELL, YOU KNOW, TWO REGULARS |
| 450 | AND ONE THAT BARELY QUALIFIES AS A... |
| 451 | ( nervous chuckle ) |
| 452 | UH, WHAT? NOTHING. |
| 453 | I... I JUST REMEMBERED I HAVE TO LEAVE. |
| 454 | YOU, UH... |
| 455 | YOU HAVE TO LEAVE NOW? HOW COME? |
| 456 | UH, WELL, IT'S NUBBIN... NOTHING! |
| 457 | UM... |
| 458 | NO, I'M... |
| 459 | I'LL SEE YOU LATER, OKAY? |
| 460 | EEW! |
| 461 | OH, I THOUGHT YOU WEREN'T COMING. |
| 462 | WHERE WERE YOU? |
| 463 | COME HERE, COME HERE. |
| 464 | OKAY. |
| 465 | DON'T GET MAD, OKAY? |
| 466 | DON'T GIVE ME A REASON TO GET MAD, OKAY? |
| 467 | I PLAYED "SMELLY CAT" |
| 468 | FOR THE PEOPLE AT MY OLD AD AGENCY. |
| 469 | THEY WENT NUTS. |
| 470 | NO... LOOK, I TOLD YOU |
| 471 | THAT I DIDN'T WANT YOU TO TRY AND SELL IT |
| 472 | AND YOU JUST... |
| 473 | YOU BIG, FAT DID IT ANYWAY. |
| 474 | UH... |
| 475 | GOD, YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 476 | I THINK FIVE YEARS AGO |
| 477 | I WOULD HAVE DONE ANYTHING TO PLAY WITH YOU |
| 478 | BUT I CAN DO IT BY MYSELF |
| 479 | AND IF I CAN'T TRUST YOU, THEN JUST FORGET IT. |
| 480 | NO, NO. I DON'T WANT TO FORGET IT. |
| 481 | OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU HAVE TO CHOOSE. |
| 482 | IF THE MOST IMPORTANT THING ON THE PLANET TO YOU |
| 483 | IS THIS CAT POOPY THING |
| 484 | THEN, OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE "SMELLY CAT" |
| 485 | BUT WE WON'T BE PARTNERS. |
| 486 | OH. |
| 487 | SO WHAT'S IT GOING TO BE? |
| 488 | ( on-key vocalist ): ♪ Smelly cat ♪ |
| 489 | ♪ smelly cat ♪ |
| 490 | ♪ What are they feeding you? ♪ |
| 491 | ♪ Smelly cat, smelly cat ♪ |
| 492 | ♪ It's... ♪ |
| 493 | I'M SORRY, PHEEBS. |
| 494 | YEAH. YOU OKAY? |
| 495 | YEAH. I ACTUALLY AM, YEAH. |
| 496 | 'CAUSE, YOU KNOW, LIFE'S GOING TO HAND YOU |
| 497 | ALL KINDS OF STUFF, AND YOU LEARN YOUR LITTLE LESSONS |
| 498 | AND HOPEFULLY, YOU GROW. |
| 499 | YEAH. |
| 500 | YOU WANT TO HEAR A NEW SONG? |
| 501 | YEAH. I'D LOVE TO. |
| 502 | OKAY. |
| 503 | OKAY. |
| 504 | ♪ JINGLE BITCH SCREWED ME OVER ♪ |
| 505 | ♪ GO TO HELL, JINGLE WHORE ♪ |
| 506 | ♪ GO TO HELL, GO TO HELL ♪ |
| 507 | ♪ GO TO HE-EH-ELL ♪ |
| 508 | THAT'S ALL I HAVE SO FAR. |
| 509 | WOO WOO WOO WOO! |
| 510 | WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? |
| 511 | THE DOCTOR. |
| 512 | IS EVERYTHING OKAY? |
| 513 | OH, YES. |
| 514 | JUST HAD ME A LITTLE NUBBINECTOMY. |
| 515 | YUP. |
| 516 | TWO NIPPLES, NO WAITING. |
| 517 | WOW. JUST LIKE RACHEL IN HIGH SCHOOL. |
| 518 | WHAT?! |
| 519 | COME ON! I WAS KIDDING. |
| 520 | IT WAS SUCH AN OBVIOUS JOKE. |
| 521 | THAT WAS AN OBVIOUS JOKE |
| 522 | AND I DIDN'T THINK OF IT. |
| 523 | WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF IT? |
| 524 | THE SOURCE OF ALL MY POWERS. |
| 525 | OH, DEAR GOD, WHAT HAVE I DONE? |
| 526 | |
| 1 | HEY, HOW MUCH YOU GIVE ME TO EAT THIS WHOLE JAR |
| 2 | OF OLIVES? |
| 3 | I WON'T GIVE YOU ANYTHING, BUT YOU'LL OWE ME $2.95. |
| 4 | DONE. |
| 5 | HEY. I NEED AN ATLAS. |
| 6 | I NEED AN ATLAS. |
| 7 | WHY? |
| 8 | DO YOU HAVE A REPORT DUE? |
| 9 | I HAVE A DATE WITH THIS DIPLOMAT I MET |
| 10 | WHILE I WAS GIVING FREE MASSAGES OUTSIDE THE U.N. |
| 11 | AND I DON'T KNOW WHERE HIS COUNTRY IS. |
| 12 | OKAY, LET'S START WITH THE FREE MASSAGES AT THE U.N. |
| 13 | OH, IT'S MY NEW THING. |
| 14 | I FIGURE, "BODIES AT PEACE MAKE PEACE." |
| 15 | WOW. YOU MIGHT JUST GET |
| 16 | THE FIRST NOBEL PRIZE IN RUBBING. |
| 17 | SO WHAT COUNTRY IS THIS GUY FROM? |
| 18 | UM, ICHNECH... TRAIAN... ISTAN. |
| 19 | THERE'S A "G" IN THERE. |
| 20 | WHERE'S THAT? |
| 21 | IN YOUR ATLAS. |
| 22 | I DON'T HAVE AN ATLAS. |
| 23 | OH, WELL, WAIT. |
| 24 | I DO HAVE A GLOBE. |
| 25 | SO, PHEEBS, WHAT'S THIS GUY LIKE? |
| 26 | UM, WELL, HE'S VERY DASHING, YOU KNOW? |
| 27 | AND, UM, VERY, VERY SOPHISTICATED. |
| 28 | AND HE DOESN'T SPEAK ANY ENGLISH |
| 29 | BUT ACCORDING TO HIS TRANSLATOR, HE TOTALLY GETS ME. |
| 30 | OKAY, HERE YOU GO. |
| 31 | WHAT IS THIS? |
| 32 | IT'S A GLOBE... |
| 33 | AND A PENCIL SHARPENER. |
| 34 | OH. |
| 35 | ANYBODY NEED ANYTHING COPIED? |
| 36 | I'M GOING TO THE XEROX PLACE. |
| 37 | OH, NO THANKS. |
| 38 | GIVE ME ANYTHING I CAN MAKE TWO OF. |
| 39 | IF YOU DON'T HAVE ANYTHING TO COPY |
| 40 | WHY ARE YOU GOING DOWN THERE? |
| 41 | ARE YOU JUST GOING TO GAWK AT THAT HOT GIRL |
| 42 | WITH THE BELLY BUTTON RING AGAIN? |
| 43 | YEAH. DO YOU WANT TO COME? |
| 44 | YEAH. |
| 45 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 46 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 47 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 48 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 49 | ♪ WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY ♪ |
| 50 | ♪ YOUR WEEK, YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 51 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 52 | ♪ WHEN THE RAIN STARTS TO POUR ♪ |
| 53 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 54 | ♪ LIKE I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE ♪ |
| 55 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 56 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME TOO. ♪ |
| 57 | COME ON, CHLOE. |
| 58 | FINISH UP WITH YOUR CUSTOMER FIRST. |
| 59 | COME ON, CHLOE. |
| 60 | COME ON, CHLOE. |
| 61 | CAN I HELP YOU? |
| 62 | UH-OH. |
| 63 | UH, YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 64 | WE'RE HAVING SECOND THOUGHTS ABOUT OUR, UH, COPYING NEEDS |
| 65 | AND WE'LL NEED A LITTLE MORE TIME TO THINK ABOUT IT. |
| 66 | CHLOE, SWITCH WITH ME. |
| 67 | THERE ARE SOME GUYS HERE WHO GOT A CRUSH ON YOU. |
| 68 | OKAY, THAT HURT US. |
| 69 | HI. I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU SINCE THIS MORNING. |
| 70 | WELL, UH... |
| 71 | YOU KNOW. |
| 72 | HEY, WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING |
| 73 | TOMORROW NIGHT? |
| 74 | BOTH OF US? |
| 75 | MAYBE. DOES THAT SCARE YOU? |
| 76 | RELAX. JUST ISAAC'S DEEJAYING AT THE PHILLY. |
| 77 | YOU SHOULD COME. |
| 78 | OH, WE'LL BE THERE. |
| 79 | GREAT. I'LL, UH, SEE YOU THEN. |
| 80 | ALL RIGHT. ROCK ON. |
| 81 | ( speaking foreign language ) |
| 82 | HE SAYS THAT WALKING WITH YOU |
| 83 | MAKES THIS STRANGE CITY FEEL LIKE HOME. |
| 84 | OH. ME, TOO... |
| 85 | ALTHOUGH THIS CITY IS MY HOME, SO... |
| 86 | SO THAT'S DUMB, WHAT I SAID. |
| 87 | DON'T TELL HIM I SAID THAT. |
| 88 | JUST, YOU MAKE SOMETHING UP. |
| 89 | ( speaking foreign language ) |
| 90 | NICE. THANK YOU. |
| 91 | THIS IS ME, HERE. |
| 92 | UH... |
| 93 | ( speaking foreign language ) |
| 94 | "YOUR EYES ARE VERY PRETTY." |
| 95 | THANK YOU. |
| 96 | VERY MUCH. |
| 97 | OH, THANK YOU. |
| 98 | HE WOULD LIKE TO KISS YOU. |
| 99 | OKAY, YOU KNOW, YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO THAT NOW. |
| 100 | OH, NO, NO, NO. |
| 101 | NOT HIM. NO, YOU DON'T. |
| 102 | OH. |
| 103 | OKAY, WELL, THE MOMENT'S OVER. |
| 104 | OH. |
| 105 | "OY." |
| 106 | SEE, THERE IT IS, RIGHT THERE. |
| 107 | WOW. IT'S SMALL. |
| 108 | YEAH, BUT SERGEI SAID |
| 109 | IT TOOK THE GERMANS SIX WEEKS |
| 110 | TO GET ALL THE WAY ACROSS IT. |
| 111 | SO YOU HAD FUN, HUH? |
| 112 | YEAH. EXCEPT FOR... |
| 113 | YOU KNOW WHEN YOU'RE ON A DATE |
| 114 | AND YOU'RE GETTING ALONG REALLY GREAT |
| 115 | BUT THE GUY'S TRANSLATOR KEEPS GETTING IN THE WAY? |
| 116 | NO. |
| 117 | HEY. |
| 118 | IS RACH IN HER ROOM? |
| 119 | OH, NO, SHE'S STILL AT WORK |
| 120 | BUT SHE TOLD ME TO TELL YOU TO CALL HER. |
| 121 | OH, WHAT? |
| 122 | SHE'S CANCELING AGAIN? |
| 123 | HOW CAN SHE DO THIS? |
| 124 | DOESN'T SHE KNOW IT'S OUR ANNIVERSARY? |
| 125 | ALL RIGHT, ROSS. |
| 126 | THIS IS THE EXTENT OF MY KNOWLEDGE ON THE SUBJECT. |
| 127 | "CALL RACHEL." |
| 128 | WHAT'S THAT ON THE BOTTOM? |
| 129 | OH, THAT'S MY DOODLE OF A LADY BUG WITH A TOP HAT. |
| 130 | SHE'S FANCY. |
| 131 | ( phone ringing ) |
| 132 | HELLO? |
| 133 | Hey, honey. |
| 134 | OH, HI. |
| 135 | HI. WHAT'S GOING ON? |
| 136 | THERE WAS A DISASTER IN SHIPPING |
| 137 | AND I'VE GOT TO GET THIS ORDER IN. |
| 138 | I'M SO SORRY BUT IT LOOKS LIKE I'LL BE HERE ALL NIGHT. |
| 139 | ( sighing ): WHAT, DO YOU... |
| 140 | HOW ABOUT I COME UP THERE? |
| 141 | NO, NO, NO, NO. HONEY PLEASE. |
| 142 | I'VE GOT... I JUST HAVE TOO MUCH TO DEAL WITH. |
| 143 | ANYWAY, I'M GOING OUT WITH SERGEI AGAIN TONIGHT. |
| 144 | COULD YOU BE THE TRANSLATOR'S DATE |
| 145 | SO THAT WHEN WE-- |
| 146 | YOU KNOW, IT'S TIME FOR OUR ALONE TIME-- |
| 147 | YOU TWO CAN SPLIT OFF? |
| 148 | YOU KNOW, HE'S RE... HE'S KIND OF CUTE. |
| 149 | LIKE REALLY "KIND OF CUTE," OR "KIND OF CUTE" |
| 150 | LIKE YOUR FRIEND "SPACKLE-BACK" LARRY? |
| 151 | HEY, DON'T CALL HIM THAT. |
| 152 | HIS NAME IS SPACKLE-BACK HARRY. |
| 153 | MAYBE WE SHOULD GET GOING. |
| 154 | WHAT TIME DID CHLOE SAY WE SHOULD GET THERE? |
| 155 | UH, 10:30. |
| 156 | WHAT TIME IS IT NOW? |
| 157 | 4:30. |
| 158 | YEAH, ALL RIGHT, SO WE'LL HANG OUT. |
| 159 | YEAH. |
| 160 | HEY, REMEMBER WHEN SHE BROUGHT UP THAT THING ABOUT-- |
| 161 | YOU KNOW, THE THREE OF US? |
| 162 | YES. VIVIDLY. |
| 163 | SHE WAS KIDDING ABOUT THAT, RIGHT? |
| 164 | YEAH, I THINK SO. |
| 165 | YEAH, I THINK SO. |
| 166 | GOD, IT WOULD BE WEIRD IF THAT SITUATION |
| 167 | PRESENTED ITSELF TONIGHT, HUH? |
| 168 | OH, YEAH. |
| 169 | YEAH, I MEAN, UH... |
| 170 | WHAT-WHAT WOULD WE DO? |
| 171 | ( chuckling ): DUDE, I DON'T KNOW. |
| 172 | SHE WAS KIDDING. |
| 173 | YEAH. |
| 174 | SHE WAS... |
| 175 | JUST IN CASE |
| 176 | MAYBE WE SHOULD COME UP |
| 177 | WITH A SET OF GROUND RULES. |
| 178 | YEAH, FOR SURE. |
| 179 | OKAY. PROBABLY WANT THE FIRST ONE TO BE: |
| 180 | "NEVER OPEN YOUR EYES." |
| 181 | YOU KNOW? |
| 182 | BECAUSE YOU DON'T WANT TO BE DOING SOMETHING |
| 183 | AND THEN LOOK UP, RIGHT? |
| 184 | AND SEE SOMETHING YOU DON'T WANT TO BE SEEING, YOU KNOW? |
| 185 | YEAH. GOOD CALL. |
| 186 | NICE... |
| 187 | HOLD IT. HOLD IT. |
| 188 | WHAT IF MY EYES ARE CLOSED, AND... |
| 189 | AND MY HAND IS OUT THERE... |
| 190 | AH! OKAY. EYES OPEN AT ALL TIMES. |
| 191 | OH, HEY. HOW DO WE DECIDE |
| 192 | WHERE WE, YOU KNOW, EACH WOULD |
| 193 | YOU KNOW... |
| 194 | BE? |
| 195 | RIGHT. RIGHT. |
| 196 | WELL, I, UH, WE COULD FLIP FOR IT. |
| 197 | YEAH, I GUESS, BUT, LIKE, WHAT'S HEADS AND WHAT'S TAILS? |
| 198 | WELL, IF YOU DON'T KNOW THAT |
| 199 | THEN I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS WITH YOU. |
| 200 | NO, NO, NO. NO. |
| 201 | I AM LOOKING AT A PURCHASE ORDER |
| 202 | AND IT CLEARLY STATES |
| 203 | THAT WE ORDERED THE RIVIERA BIKINI |
| 204 | IN A VARIETY OF SIZES AND COLORS, AND... |
| 205 | WHAT DOES IT MATTER WHAT I'M WEARING? |
| 206 | COULD I PLEASE SPEAK TO YOUR SUPERVISOR? |
| 207 | THANK YOU. WE'RE HOLDING. |
| 208 | HI. |
| 209 | OH! OH, MY GOD. |
| 210 | WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? |
| 211 | YOU SAID YOU COULDN'T GO OUT SO... |
| 212 | YOU BROUGHT A PICNIC. |
| 213 | OH. WHAT A BOYFRIEND. |
| 214 | THAT'S IT. ON MONDAY I START WEARING MAKEUP. |
| 215 | ROSS, HONEY, THIS IS VERY NICE, BUT I-I'VE GOT A CRISIS. |
| 216 | YEAH, BUT I'VE GOT COUSCOUS. |
| 217 | HONEY... |
| 218 | HONEY, I'M SORRY. |
| 219 | I KNOW IT'S OUR ANNIVERSARY |
| 220 | BUT I TOLD YOU ON THE PHONE, I DON'T HAVE TIME TO STOP. |
| 221 | OKAY, YOU DON'T HAVE TO STOP. |
| 222 | I'M INVISIBLE. |
| 223 | I'M NOT HERE. |
| 224 | YEAH, BUT, I DON'T... |
| 225 | WHO APPROVED THAT ORDER? |
| 226 | WELL, THERE IS NO MARK ROBINSON IN THIS OFFICE. |
| 227 | GET ME MARK ON THE PHONE. |
| 228 | OH, I LOVE MARK. |
| 229 | DO YOU KNOW MARK? |
| 230 | YEAH. |
| 231 | LET ME JUST CHECK THAT WITH WHAT I'VE GOT HERE. |
| 232 | 038 IS NOT THE NUMBER FOR THIS STORE. |
| 233 | 038 IS ATLANTA, AND I... |
| 234 | ( grinding ) |
| 235 | ( laughs ) |
| 236 | PEPPER? |
| 237 | NONE FOR ME. |
| 238 | OKAY, SORRY POUR VOUS. |
| 239 | I'M SORRY. AS I WAS SAYING, THE STORE NUMBER IS WRONG |
| 240 | AND I'M SORRY, BUT THAT IS... |
| 241 | OH, MY GOD. ROSS! |
| 242 | GEEZ. OH, MY... |
| 243 | GOD. |
| 244 | OKAY, IT'S FINE, IT'S FINE. |
| 245 | WHOA, YEAH. OH, YEAH. |
| 246 | I'M SORRY. I'M GOING TO HAVE TO CALL YOU BACK. |
| 247 | I'VE GOT SHEMP |
| 248 | IN MY OFFICE. |
| 249 | WHAT ARE YOU DOING? |
| 250 | I'M SORRY, BUT, UM... |
| 251 | HEY, WHOA, SOMEBODY'S OFF THE PHONE. |
| 252 | HOW ABOUT A GLASS OF WINE BY THE FIRE? |
| 253 | I CAN GET IT GOING AGAIN IF YOU... |
| 254 | ROSS, YOU'RE NOT LISTENING TO ME. |
| 255 | I DON'T HAVE TIME TO STOP. |
| 256 | COME ON, RACH. |
| 257 | YOU DON'T HAVE, WHAT, TEN MINUTES? |
| 258 | SOPHIE, DOES SHE HAVE TEN MINUTES? |
| 259 | HEY, ROSS, I TOLD YOU, I DON'T. |
| 260 | DON'T YELL. THIS IS THE MOST I'VE SEEN YOU ALL WEEK. |
| 261 | LOOK, I CANNOT DO THIS RIGHT NOW, OKAY? |
| 262 | I HAVE GOT A DEADLINE. |
| 263 | WOULD YOU JUST GO HOME? |
| 264 | I'LL TALK TO YOU LATER. |
| 265 | YEAH, BUT WHY... |
| 266 | GOOD-BYE. |
| 267 | UH, ACTUALLY |
| 268 | THAT'S OUR THREE-HOLE PUNCH. |
| 269 | HEY. |
| 270 | HI. |
| 271 | LOOK, UM, ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED EARLIER... |
| 272 | UH, WELL, I... |
| 273 | I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND. |
| 274 | YOU WERE... YOU WERE STRESSED. |
| 275 | I WAS GOING TO GIVE YOU A CHANCE TO APOLOGIZE TO ME. |
| 276 | FOR WHAT? FOR LETTING YOU THROW ME OUT OF YOUR OFFICE? |
| 277 | YOU HAD NO RIGHT COMING DOWN TO MY OFFICE, ROSS. |
| 278 | YOU DO NOT BRING A PICNIC BASKET TO SOMEBODY'S WORK |
| 279 | UNLESS MAYBE THEY WERE A PARK RANGER. |
| 280 | YEAH, WELL, EXCUSE ME FOR WANTING |
| 281 | TO BE WITH MY GIRLFRIEND ON OUR ANNIVERSARY. |
| 282 | BOY, WHAT AN ASS AM I. |
| 283 | BUT I TOLD YOU I DIDN'T HAVE THE TIME. |
| 284 | YOU NEVER HAVE THE TIME. |
| 285 | I DON'T FEEL LIKE |
| 286 | I EVEN HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ANYMORE, RACHEL. |
| 287 | ROSS, WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME? |
| 288 | YOU WANT ME TO QUIT MY JOB |
| 289 | SO YOU CAN FEEL LIKE YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND? |
| 290 | NO, BUT IT WOULD BE NICE |
| 291 | IF YOU'D REALIZE THAT IT'S JUST A JOB. |
| 292 | JUST... A JOB? |
| 293 | YES. |
| 294 | DO YOU REALIZE THAT I'M DOING SOMETHING |
| 295 | I ACTUALLY CARE ABOUT? |
| 296 | THIS IS THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE |
| 297 | I'M DOING SOMETHING THAT I'M ACTUALLY GOOD AT. |
| 298 | IF YOU DON'T GET THAT... |
| 299 | NO, HEY, I GET THAT BIG TIME |
| 300 | AND I'M HAPPY FOR YOU, BUT I'M TIRED OF HAVING |
| 301 | A RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR ANSWERING MACHINE, OKAY? |
| 302 | I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO ANYMORE. |
| 303 | WELL, NEITHER DO I. |
| 304 | IS THIS ABOUT MARK? |
| 305 | HUH... OH, MY GOD. |
| 306 | OKAY, IT'S NOT. |
| 307 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 308 | I CANNOT KEEP HAVING |
| 309 | THIS SAME FIGHT OVER AND OVER AGAIN, ROSS. |
| 310 | NO. YOU'RE MAKING THIS TOO HARD. |
| 311 | I'M MAKING THIS TOO HARD? |
| 312 | WHAT SHOULD I DO? |
| 313 | I DON'T KNOW. I DON'T KNOW. |
| 314 | LOOK, MAYBE WE SHOULD JUST TAKE A BREAK. |
| 315 | OKAY, OKAY, FINE. YOU'RE RIGHT. |
| 316 | LET'S, UH, LET'S TAKE A BREAK. |
| 317 | LET'S COOL OFF, OKAY? |
| 318 | LET'S GET SOME FROZEN YOGURT OR SOMETHING. |
| 319 | NO. |
| 320 | ( sighs ) |
| 321 | A BREAK FROM US. |
| 322 | ...AND THE ADVANCES IN COLLATING IN THE PAST FIVE YEARS-- PHEW. |
| 323 | I MEAN, WE JUST GOT IN AN X-5000, YOU KNOW? |
| 324 | THE X-5000 MAKES AN X-50 LOOK LIKE A T-71. |
| 325 | OH! |
| 326 | HEY, IT'S THE DINOSAUR GUY. |
| 327 | HI, ROSS. |
| 328 | OH, HI, CHLOE. |
| 329 | I WANT YOU TO MEET SOME FRIENDS OF MINE. |
| 330 | THIS GUY'S MY HERO. |
| 331 | HE COMES IN WITH SOME STUFF, WANTS IT BLOWN UP 400%. |
| 332 | WE SAY, "WE DON'T DO THAT." |
| 333 | HE SAYS, "YOU GOT TO," AND YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 334 | WE DID IT-- AND NOW |
| 335 | ANY TIME ANYBODY WANTS 400, WE JUST SAY, "LET'S ROSS IT." |
| 336 | AND THAT'S THE ONLY COLOR THAT COMES IN. |
| 337 | YO, CHLOE, DO YOU HAVE A QUARTER |
| 338 | FOR THE CONDOM MACHINE? |
| 339 | ( grunts ) |
| 340 | SO WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? |
| 341 | I THOUGHT TONIGHT WAS |
| 342 | YOUR BIG ANNIVERSARY DINNER. |
| 343 | YEAH, A LITTLE CHANGE OF PLANS. |
| 344 | UH, WE'RE GOING TO BREAK UP INSTEAD. |
| 345 | CAN I GET A...? |
| 346 | OH, AND I CAN ALSO SPEAK A LITTLE FRENCH. |
| 347 | VOULEZ VOUS COUCHEZ AVEC MOI, CE SOIR? |
| 348 | WHY? WHAT DID I SAY? |
| 349 | WELL, YOU JUST ASKED |
| 350 | IF I WANTED TO GO TO BED WITH YOU TONIGHT. |
| 351 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 352 | NO WONDER I GET SUCH GREAT SERVICE |
| 353 | AT CAFE MAURICE. |
| 354 | ( laughs ) |
| 355 | KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK. HI. |
| 356 | UM, COULD YOU PLEASE TELL SERGEI THAT, UM... |
| 357 | I WAS FASCINATED BY WHAT BOUTROS BOUTROS-GHALI SAID |
| 358 | IN THE NEW YORK TIMES? |
| 359 | ( clears throat ) |
| 360 | ( speaking foreign language ) |
| 361 | YOU DIDN'T SAY "BOUTROS-BOUTROS GHALI." |
| 362 | BOUTROS-BOUTROS GHALI. |
| 363 | ( speaks foreign language ) |
| 364 | HE SAYS HE WAS, TOO. |
| 365 | INTERESTING. |
| 366 | UH, SO, I WAS WONDERING... |
| 367 | OKAY, HEY, BEFORE YOU GET |
| 368 | ALL TALKY AGAIN |
| 369 | COULD YOU ALSO PLEASE TELL SERGEI THAT... |
| 370 | I REALLY LIKE HIS SUIT. |
| 371 | UH, HE SAID THANK YOU VERY MUCH. |
| 372 | HE THINKS YOU LOOK VERY PRETTY TONIGHT. |
| 373 | YOUR HAIR GOLDEN LIKE THE SUN. |
| 374 | SO, YOU'RE A CHEF? |
| 375 | MM-HMM. |
| 376 | I'M ALSO THINKING |
| 377 | OF OPENING UP MY OWN RESTAURANT. |
| 378 | OH, REALLY? |
| 379 | MONICA, COULD I TALK TO YOU |
| 380 | BEHIND MY MENU, PLEASE? |
| 381 | WHAT ARE YOU DOING? |
| 382 | WELL, I WAS HAVING A CONVERSATION. |
| 383 | BUT MISCHA IS SO INTERESTED IN YOU |
| 384 | SERGEI AND I HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO SAY TWO WORDS TO EACH OTHER. |
| 385 | DO YOU WANT ME TO SIT HERE SILENTLY |
| 386 | WHILE YOU THREE HAVE A CONVERSATION? |
| 387 | THAT WOULD BE GREAT. THANK YOU. |
| 388 | ( phone rings ) |
| 389 | HELLO? |
| 390 | OH, HI. |
| 391 | IT'S MARK. |
| 392 | OH. |
| 393 | What? |
| 394 | IS IT MY BREATH? |
| 395 | NO. SORRY. I JUST THOUGHT YOU WERE SOMEBODY ELSE. HI. |
| 396 | HI. LOOK, I WAS JUST GOING TO LEAVE A MESSAGE. |
| 397 | ISN'T TONIGHT YOUR BIG ANNIVERSARY DINNER? |
| 398 | WELL... |
| 399 | WELL, UM... |
| 400 | RACH, ARE YOU OKAY? |
| 401 | YEAH. I'M FINE. |
| 402 | You want to talk? |
| 403 | I can come over. |
| 404 | NO. REALLY, NO. |
| 405 | PLEASE. |
| 406 | THAT'S-THAT'S OKAY. |
| 407 | I'M COMING OVER AND BRINGING CHINESE FOOD. |
| 408 | OH, I'M NOT HUNGRY. |
| 409 | It's for me. |
| 410 | OH. |
| 411 | Okay. |
| 412 | OKAY. BYE. |
| 413 | WELL, SO WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO? |
| 414 | WHAT CAN I DO? |
| 415 | ONE PERSON WANTS TO BREAK UP, YOU BREAK UP. |
| 416 | HEY, NO WAY. |
| 417 | THIS IS YOU GUYS. |
| 418 | CALL HER AND WORK IT OUT. |
| 419 | COME ON. |
| 420 | WE JUST HAD THIS HUGE FIGHT. |
| 421 | DON'T I HAVE TO WAIT A WHILE? |
| 422 | HEY, THIS ISN'T LIKE SWIMMING AFTER YOU EAT. |
| 423 | PICK UP THE PHONE. |
| 424 | THAT WHOLE SWIMMING THING IS A MYTH. |
| 425 | YEAH, TELL THAT TO MY UNCLE LENNY. |
| 426 | WHY, WHAT HAPPENED TO HIM? |
| 427 | NOTHING. HE JUST REALLY BELIEVES IN THAT. |
| 428 | OH, AND THEN WE GOT INTO |
| 429 | THIS BIG, STUPID FIGHT |
| 430 | AND I JUST... |
| 431 | IT WAS AWFUL. |
| 432 | I TOLD HIM HE TREATS ME |
| 433 | LIKE A PARK RANGER OR SOMETHING... |
| 434 | OH... |
| 435 | AND THEN... |
| 436 | I TOLD HIM I WANTED TO TAKE A BREAK. |
| 437 | I DON'T WANT TO TAKE A BREAK. |
| 438 | OH, I'M SORRY. |
| 439 | ( sighs ) |
| 440 | EGG ROLL? |
| 441 | NO. |
| 442 | AND THEN I CALLED HIM AND HE WASN'T THERE. |
| 443 | WELL, HE'S PROBABLY JUST OUT. |
| 444 | OH, THANK YOU. |
| 445 | THAT'S VERY HELPFUL. |
| 446 | I'M GLAD YOU CAME OVER. |
| 447 | ( phone rings ) |
| 448 | HELLO. |
| 449 | HI, IT'S ME. |
| 450 | HI. |
| 451 | OH, I'M SO GLAD YOU CALLED. |
| 452 | Really? |
| 453 | I'VE BEEN THINKING THIS IS CRAZY. |
| 454 | DON'T YOU THINK WE CAN WORK ON THIS? |
| 455 | HEY, WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DRINK? |
| 456 | WHO'S THAT? |
| 457 | NOBODY. |
| 458 | IS IT OKAY IF I FINISH |
| 459 | THE APPLE JUICE? |
| 460 | IS THAT MARK? |
| 461 | OH, HONEY, LOOK, HE JUST CAME OVER... |
| 462 | YEAH, GOT IT. |
| 463 | HEY, DINOSAUR GUY... |
| 464 | LOOK AT YOU SO SAD. |
| 465 | COME DANCE. |
| 466 | OH, THAT'S OKAY, THANKS. |
| 467 | HEY... |
| 468 | YOU DON'T HAVE TO SMILE. |
| 469 | YOU JUST HAVE TO DANCE. |
| 470 | I DON'T FEEL LIKE DANCING. |
| 471 | I FEEL LIKE HAVING A DRINK. |
| 472 | OH, OKAY. |
| 473 | HEY, TWO BEERS. |
| 474 | AND THE VET SAID IT WAS TIME |
| 475 | AND SO, FROM HALF A WORLD AWAY |
| 476 | WHILE MY MOTHER HELD THE PHONE TO HIS EAR |
| 477 | I SAID GOOD-BYE TO MY DOG... |
| 478 | IN SEVEN LANGUAGES. |
| 479 | COULD I HAVE A TISSUE? |
| 480 | OH, YEAH, SURE. |
| 481 | I JUST HOPE |
| 482 | YOU DON'T ACCIDENTALLY |
| 483 | SUCK IT UP THROUGH YOUR NOSE |
| 484 | AND CHOKE ON IT. |
| 485 | ( speaking foreign language ) |
| 486 | SERGEI WOULD LIKE TO APOLOGIZE |
| 487 | FOR MY BEHAVIOR TONIGHT. |
| 488 | WELL, TELL HIM APOLOGY ACCEPTED. |
| 489 | OH, HE'S UNBELIEVABLE |
| 490 | I MEAN, FOR THE FIRST TIME IN THREE YEARS |
| 491 | SOMEONE ACTUALLY WANTS TO TALK TO ME |
| 492 | BUT DO YOU THINK HE WOULD LET ME ENJOY THAT? NO. |
| 493 | YOU SILLY DIPLOMAT. |
| 494 | WHY DON'T YOU LEARN SOME ENGLISH, SERGEI? |
| 495 | EXCUSE ME, BUT, UM |
| 496 | ISN'T HE PAYING FOR YOUR DINNER? |
| 497 | HEY, THE MAN'S DOG JUST DIED. |
| 498 | ( speaks foreign language ) |
| 499 | ( both arguing ) |
| 500 | ( shouting ) |
| 501 | I HAVE JUST RESIGNED MY POST. |
| 502 | WOULD YOU CARE TO ACCOMPANY ME TO THE RAINBOW ROOM? |
| 503 | I HAVE DIPLOMATIC COUPONS. |
| 504 | WELL, IT WILL BE MY PLEASURE. |
| 505 | MY GUY HAS COUPONS. |
| 506 | YOUR GUY CAN'T EVEN SAY "COUPONS." |
| 507 | UH... |
| 508 | PLATE. |
| 509 | PLATE, YES! |
| 510 | PLATE! PLATE! |
| 511 | PLATE. |
| 512 | SEE? WE DON'T NEED THEM. |
| 513 | PLATE? |
| 514 | YEAH. |
| 515 | ( dance music playing ) |
| 516 | I LIKE THIS SONG. |
| 517 | WELL, YOU'RE PRACTICALLY DANCING ALREADY. |
| 518 | WHY DON'T YOU JUST DO IT OVER HERE? |
| 519 | OH, NO. |
| 520 | WHAT, ARE YOU MARRIED? |
| 521 | ( nervous chuckle ) |
| 522 | 'CAUSE THAT'S OKAY. |
| 523 | OH, BE HOME, BE HOME, BE HOME, BE HOME, BE HOME, BE HOME. |
| 524 | BE HOME, BE HOME, BE HOME. |
| 525 | ( sighs ) |
| 526 | YOU'RE NOT HOME. |
| 527 | STILL NO SMILE? |
| 528 | ( singing "American Pie" in foreign language ) |
| 529 | ♪ MISS AMERICAN PIE... ♪ |
| 530 | UH... AMERI-GHEN. |
| 531 | AMERI-CANE. |
| 532 | AMERI-GHEN. |
| 533 | AMERI-GHEN. |
| 534 | YOU KNOW, IT'S A VERY HARD LANGUAGE. |
| 535 | SLOWER... |
| 536 | LET'S DO IT AGAIN. |
| 537 | ♪ TUCHI, TUCHI, MISS AMERI-GHEN PIE ♪ |
| 538 | ( shouting ) |
| 539 | ♪ TUCHI, TUCHI, MISS AMERICAN BUCHI... ♪ |
| 540 | [Captioned by The Caption Center WGBH Educational Foundation] |
| 541 | |
| 1 | PREVIOUSLY ON FRIENDS: |
| 2 | I DON'T FEEL LIKE I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ANYMORE. |
| 3 | YOU WANT ME TO JUST QUIT MY JOB SO YOU CAN FEEL LIKE |
| 4 | YOU'VE GOT A GIRLFRIEND? |
| 5 | IS THIS ABOUT MARK? |
| 6 | OH, MY GOD! OKAY, IT'S NOT. |
| 7 | OH, MY GOD. I CANNOT KEEP HAVING |
| 8 | THIS SAME FIGHT WITH YOU, ROSS. |
| 9 | LOOK, MAYBE WE SHOULD JUST TAKE A BREAK! |
| 10 | FINE, YOU'RE RIGHT. |
| 11 | LET'S... TAKE A BREAK. |
| 12 | LET'S GET SOME FROZEN YOGURT. |
| 13 | NO... |
| 14 | ( sighing ): A BREAK FROM US. |
| 15 | THEN WE HAD THIS BIG, STUPID FIGHT |
| 16 | AND I SAID I WANTED TO TAKE A BREAK. |
| 17 | I DON'T WANT TO TAKE A BREAK. |
| 18 | I THINK THIS IS CRAZY. |
| 19 | Don't you think we can work on this? |
| 20 | WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DRINK? |
| 21 | WHO'S THAT? |
| 22 | NOBODY? |
| 23 | IS THAT MARK? |
| 24 | LOOK, HE JUST CAME OVER... |
| 25 | YEAH. GOT IT. |
| 26 | HEY! COME DANCE. |
| 27 | WHAT, ARE YOU MARRIED? |
| 28 | ( nervous chuckle ) |
| 29 | 'CAUSE THAT'S OKAY. |
| 30 | HEY. HEY. |
| 31 | HOW WAS THE BIG ANNIVERSARY DINNER? |
| 32 | WELL... |
| 33 | WE NEVER ACTUALLY GOT TO DINNER. |
| 34 | ( chuckling ): WHOA... NICE. |
| 35 | NO, WE KIND OF BROKE UP INSTEAD. |
| 36 | WHAT?! |
| 37 | ( screaming ) |
| 38 | WHAT?! |
| 39 | OH, MY GOD! |
| 40 | IT'S ON THE CEILING! |
| 41 | THAT'S OKAY. |
| 42 | THIS IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN FRUIT... |
| 43 | ON MY CEILING. |
| 44 | YOU BROKE UP? |
| 45 | YEAH, BUT IT'S OKAY |
| 46 | BECAUSE WHEN ROSS LEFT, MARK CAME OVER. |
| 47 | OH, NO! RACHEL, YOU AND MARK? |
| 48 | NO, NO, IT'S OKAY. |
| 49 | CALM DOWN. |
| 50 | MARK AND I TALKED |
| 51 | AND I REALIZED HOW MUCH I LOVE YOUR STUPID BROTHER |
| 52 | AND... |
| 53 | YEAH, WE GOT OUR PROBLEMS |
| 54 | BUT I REALLY WANT TO MAKE IT WORK. |
| 55 | MORNING... |
| 56 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 57 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 58 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 59 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 60 | ♪ WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY ♪ |
| 61 | ♪ YOUR WEEK, YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 62 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 63 | ♪ WHEN THE RAIN STARTS TO POUR ♪ |
| 64 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 65 | ♪ LIKE I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE ♪ |
| 66 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 67 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME, TOO. ♪ |
| 68 | ( beep ) |
| 69 | Rachel: Hi. It's me. |
| 70 | I've been trying to reach you all night. |
| 71 | I feel awful. |
| 72 | Please, Ross, you've got to know |
| 73 | there's nothing between me and Mark. |
| 74 | This whole break-up thing is just stupid. |
| 75 | ( groaning ): YEAH! |
| 76 | I'm just so sorry I put you through it. |
| 77 | And I-I, you know, I don't want to get back together |
| 78 | over a machine... |
| 79 | UH-UH. |
| 80 | I love you. |
| 81 | I LOVE YOU. |
| 82 | And you know what? |
| 83 | I'm going to go to bed now |
| 84 | but on my way to work tomorrow morning |
| 85 | I'm going to stop by around 8:30. |
| 86 | Bye. |
| 87 | ( beep ) |
| 88 | CHLOE, CHLOE, HOW'S IT COMING? |
| 89 | HEY, WHAT KIND OF PUPPY DO YOU THINK I SHOULD GET? |
| 90 | UM, HEY, YOU KNOW, I DON'T KNOW. |
| 91 | HOW ABOUT A BIG ONE? |
| 92 | MY APARTMENT'S... |
| 93 | THEN, A SMALL ONE. |
| 94 | LISTEN, LET'S... |
| 95 | WE KIND OF HAVE TO GET GOING. |
| 96 | WAIT! WHERE'S MY SHOES? |
| 97 | YOUR... YOU NEED SHOES? |
| 98 | YEAH, OKAY. |
| 99 | DO I KNOW WHY WE'RE RUSHING? |
| 100 | YEAH. YOU KNOW THE GIRLFRIEND |
| 101 | I TOLD YOU ABOUT LAST NIGHT? |
| 102 | IT TURNS OUT THAT... |
| 103 | SHE WANTS TO GET BACK TOGETHER... |
| 104 | OH, I FOUND IT! |
| 105 | THAT'S SO GREAT FOR YOU GUYS! |
| 106 | YEAH. |
| 107 | YOU MUST BE SO HAPPY. |
| 108 | YES. YES, I AM-- |
| 109 | ONE OF THE MANY THINGS I'M FEELING. |
| 110 | WELL... |
| 111 | GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND. |
| 112 | OH, THANK YOU. |
| 113 | AY! HEY... |
| 114 | ( chuckling ) |
| 115 | RACHEL...! |
| 116 | OH, YOU GOT MY MESSAGE? |
| 117 | BOY, YOU ARE RIGHT ON TIME. |
| 118 | WHAT DO YOU SAY? |
| 119 | CAN I BE YOUR GIRLFRIEND AGAIN? |
| 120 | YES, YOU CAN. VERY MUCH. |
| 121 | AH-AH-AH... |
| 122 | HEY. HEY. |
| 123 | HEY, WHY ARE YOU MOPPING YOUR CEILING? |
| 124 | OH, THERE'S BANANA ON IT. |
| 125 | WOW. I HAVE THE SPIRIT OF AN OLD INDIAN WOMAN |
| 126 | LIVING IN MINE. |
| 127 | SO THEN YOU KNOW. |
| 128 | THE MAILMAN WAS DOWNSTAIRS, SO I BROUGHT UP YOUR MAIL. |
| 129 | OH, GOOD. THANKS. |
| 130 | NOW, WHAT IS "FABUTEK"? |
| 131 | OKAY... |
| 132 | ALL RIGHT, DON'T JUDGE ME TOO MUCH, OKAY? |
| 133 | BUT I SAW THIS INFOMERCIAL, AND I SWEAR TO YOU |
| 134 | I'VE NEVER, EVER BOUGHT ANYTHING ON TV BEFORE... |
| 135 | EXCEPT FOR THIS MOP. |
| 136 | BUT THERE WAS THIS STUFF ON LEG WAXING |
| 137 | AND IT LOOKED SO AMAZING... |
| 138 | WAXINE! |
| 139 | YES! HAVE YOU SEEN IT? |
| 140 | OH! IT'S INCREDIBLE! |
| 141 | I SO WANT TO BE A WAXINE GIRL! |
| 142 | I KNOW! |
| 143 | GOD... DO YOU THINK IT REALLY DOESN'T HURT? |
| 144 | 'CAUSE HOW CAN THEY DO THAT? |
| 145 | HELLO? "ORGANIC SUBSTANCES RECENTLY DISCOVERED |
| 146 | IN THE DEPTHS OF THE RAIN FOREST"? |
| 147 | THEY HAVE THE BEST STUFF IN THERE. |
| 148 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 149 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 150 | YEAH, WE FIGURED WHEN WE COULDN'T FIND YOU |
| 151 | YOU'D GONE HOME TO MAKE UP WITH RACHEL |
| 152 | WHICH IS PROBABLY WHAT YOU SHOULD HAVE DONE, HUH? |
| 153 | YOU THINK?! |
| 154 | GOD, I... I'M IN HELL. |
| 155 | I MEAN, WHAT AM I GOING TO DO? |
| 156 | RACHEL'S ALL "I LOVE YOU" AND "LET'S WORK ON THIS." |
| 157 | ALL I CAN THINK ABOUT IS |
| 158 | WHAT IS SHE GONNA DO, WHAT IS SHE GONNA SAY |
| 159 | WHEN I TELL HER WHAT I DID? |
| 160 | WELL, BEFORE WE ANSWER THAT |
| 161 | I THINK WE SHOULD ADDRESS THE MORE IMPORTANT QUESTION-- |
| 162 | HOW DUMB ARE YOU? |
| 163 | WHAT? |
| 164 | WE'RE TRYING TO REBUILD A RELATIONSHIP HERE. |
| 165 | HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO DO THAT |
| 166 | WITHOUT BEING TOTALLY HONEST WITH EACH OTHER? |
| 167 | ROSS, LOOK |
| 168 | I'M ON BOARD ABOUT THE "TOTAL HONESTY" THING-- I AM. |
| 169 | JUST NOT ABOUT STUFF THAT'S GOING TO GET YOU IN TROUBLE. |
| 170 | HE'S RIGHT-- NOBODY'S GOING TO BENEFIT |
| 171 | AND YOU'RE JUST GOING TO HURT HER. |
| 172 | AND THERE WON'T BE A RELATIONSHIP LEFT TO REBUILD. |
| 173 | YEAH, BUT DON'T YOU...? |
| 174 | IF YOU ABSOLUTELY HAVE TO TELL HER |
| 175 | AT LEAST WAIT TILL THE TIMING'S RIGHT. |
| 176 | AND THAT'S WHAT DEATHBEDS ARE FOR. |
| 177 | YEAH, OKAY. |
| 178 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 179 | OKAY, NOW, WE JUST HAVE TO MAKE SURE |
| 180 | SHE DOESN'T FIND OUT SOME OTHER WAY. |
| 181 | DID YOU THINK ABOUT THE TRAIL? |
| 182 | WHAT TRAIL? |
| 183 | THE TRAIL FROM THE WOMAN YOU DID IT WITH |
| 184 | TO THE WOMAN YOU HOPE NEVER FINDS OUT YOU DID IT. |
| 185 | YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO THINK ABOUT THE TRAIL! |
| 186 | NO, I DON'T THINK |
| 187 | THERE'S ANY TRAIL. |
| 188 | OKAY. OKAY, OKAY. |
| 189 | UH, CHLOE WORKS WITH THAT GUY ISAAC. |
| 190 | ISAAC'S SISTER IS JASMINE |
| 191 | AND JASMINE WORKS AT THE MASSAGE PLACE WITH PHOEBE. |
| 192 | PHOEBE'S FRIENDS WITH RACHEL, AND THAT'S THE TRAIL! |
| 193 | I DID IT! |
| 194 | "AFTER APPLYING THE WAXINE AND LINEN STRIPS |
| 195 | TO LEG NUMBER ONE..." |
| 196 | DID THAT. OKAY. |
| 197 | "...GRASP ONE OF THE LINEN STRIPS BY ITS EASY-GRAB TAB |
| 198 | AND PULL IT OFF IN ONE QUICK PAIN-FREE MOTION." |
| 199 | OKAY... |
| 200 | ( screaming ): OWW! |
| 201 | IS IT NOT PAIN-FREE? |
| 202 | NO! IT WAS PAINFUL! |
| 203 | OH, MY GOD, THEY SHOULD CALL IT |
| 204 | "PAINZEEN, NOW WITH A LITTLE WAX." |
| 205 | HUH. WELL, THE GIRLS IN THE SATIN NIGHTIES ON THE COMMERCIAL |
| 206 | DON'T SEEM TO THINK IT'S THAT BAD. |
| 207 | THAT'S BECAUSE THEIR NERVES ARE PROBABLY DEADENED |
| 208 | FROM BEING SO STUPID. |
| 209 | BUT, HEY, YOU KNOW, IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME |
| 210 | PLEASE, BE MY GUEST. |
| 211 | OW! OW! OW! OW! OH, MY GOD! |
| 212 | NOW AREN'T YOU GLAD WE DIDN'T START |
| 213 | WITH THE BIKINI STRIPS? |
| 214 | CHLOE, HI. |
| 215 | IS THIS ABOUT ME TAKING YOUR WATCH? |
| 216 | YOU TOOK MY WATCH? |
| 217 | I'M SORRY. I DO THAT. |
| 218 | JUST... YOU KEEP IT. |
| 219 | LISTEN, DID YOU TELL ANYONE ABOUT US? |
| 220 | OH, NO. |
| 221 | I FEEL THAT IT REALLY ISN'T ANYBODY'S BUSINESS, YOU KNOW? |
| 222 | SO YOU DIDN'T MENTION ANYTHING TO ISAAC, RIGHT? |
| 223 | OH, WELL, I TELL ISAAC EVERYTHING. |
| 224 | OF COURSE YOU DO. |
| 225 | ISAAC... |
| 226 | HI, ISAAC. |
| 227 | ISAAC, HI. |
| 228 | WE HAVEN'T ACTUALLY MET. |
| 229 | YOU DOG! |
| 230 | YES, I SUPPOSE I AM A DOG |
| 231 | BUT, ISAAC, SEE, I-I HAPPEN TO HAVE A GIRLFRIEND. |
| 232 | OH, RIGHT, THAT RACHEL CHICK FROM THE COFFEE PLACE. |
| 233 | YEAH, THAT'S THE ONE. |
| 234 | LISTEN, I DON'T WANT TO HURT HER. |
| 235 | OH, HEY, MAN, I KNOW. |
| 236 | DOESN'T MATTER HOW MUCH WE LOVE THEM. |
| 237 | MONOGAMY IS TOO CRUEL A RULE. |
| 238 | YEAH... |
| 239 | LISTEN, CAN YOU KEEP THIS INFORMATION TO YOURSELF? |
| 240 | OH, NO PROBLEM, DUDE. |
| 241 | WE GOT TO LOOK OUT FOR EACH OTHER. |
| 242 | WE'RE THE SAME, YOU AND ME. |
| 243 | ACTUALLY... NO, WE'RE NOT. |
| 244 | YEAH, WE ARE. |
| 245 | NO... WE'RE NOT. |
| 246 | YEAH, WE ARE. |
| 247 | NO, WE'RE NOT. |
| 248 | OKAY, WE'RE NOT. ALL RIGHT. |
| 249 | BUT WE ARE. |
| 250 | FINE. I JUST NEED TO KNOW |
| 251 | THAT YOU'RE NOT GOING TO TELL YOUR SISTER. |
| 252 | I CAN PROMISE NOT TO TELL HER AGAIN. |
| 253 | JASMINE? |
| 254 | UH-HUH. |
| 255 | WE MET AT PHOEBE'S BIRTHDAY PARTY. |
| 256 | I'M ROSS GELLER. |
| 257 | YOU DID A BAD THING! |
| 258 | YES, I DID. |
| 259 | VERY BAD. VERY BAD. |
| 260 | VERY, VERY BAD. |
| 261 | I'M AGREEING WITH YOU. |
| 262 | DID YOU... LISTEN, DID YOU HAPPEN TO TELL PHOEBE YET? |
| 263 | NO. |
| 264 | OKAY, JASMINE |
| 265 | PLEASE... PLEASE DON'T. |
| 266 | I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND VERY MUCH |
| 267 | AND I WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING |
| 268 | TO JUST WORK IT OUT WITH HER, OKAY? |
| 269 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 270 | THANK YOU. THANK YOU. |
| 271 | BUT YOU SHOULD PROBABLY TALK TO MY ROOMMATE |
| 272 | BECAUSE I TOLD HIM, AND HE KNOWS PHOEBE, TOO. |
| 273 | WHO'S YOUR ROOMMATE? |
| 274 | GUNTHER! |
| 275 | GUNTHER, PLEASE TELL ME YOU DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING |
| 276 | TO RACHEL ABOUT ME AND THE GIRL FROM THE COPY PLACE. |
| 277 | I'M SORRY. |
| 278 | WAS I NOT SUPPOSED TO? |
| 279 | OW! OW! |
| 280 | OW! OW! |
| 281 | OW! |
| 282 | OW! OW! |
| 283 | ( both screaming ) |
| 284 | ( both yelling ) |
| 285 | Phoebe: WE'RE ALL RIGHT. |
| 286 | IT'S OKAY, IT'S OKAY. |
| 287 | WE'RE ALL RIGHT. |
| 288 | WE WERE JUST WAXING OUR LEGS. |
| 289 | OFF?! |
| 290 | FOR YOUR INFORMATION, THIS HAPPENS TO BE A PAIN |
| 291 | LIKE NO MAN WILL EVER EXPERIENCE. |
| 292 | I DON'T THINK YOU CAN MAKE THAT STATEMENT |
| 293 | UNLESS YOU'VE BEEN KICKED IN AN AREA |
| 294 | GOD ONLY MEANT TO BE TREATED NICELY. |
| 295 | I THINK WOMEN JUST HAVE A LOWER THRESHOLD FOR PAIN |
| 296 | THAN MEN, THAT'S ALL. |
| 297 | COME ON. IT'S JUST A LITTLE WAX. |
| 298 | OH, YEAH? |
| 299 | COME HERE. |
| 300 | OH, THAT'S MATURE. |
| 301 | OKAY, FINE. |
| 302 | SO, NOW WHAT? |
| 303 | I JUST PULL IT OFF? |
| 304 | THAT'S RIGHT. UH-HUH. |
| 305 | ( whimpering ) |
| 306 | Ross: COME ON, RACHEL. |
| 307 | COME ON, TALK TO ME, PLEASE. |
| 308 | Rachel: I CAN'T EVEN LOOK AT YOU RIGHT NOW. |
| 309 | Monica: WHAT? |
| 310 | NOTHING. NOTHING. |
| 311 | RACHEL SAID EVERYTHING WAS OKAY. |
| 312 | WHAT ARE THEY TALKING ABOUT? |
| 313 | Ross: RACHEL-- |
| 314 | JUST GET AWAY FROM ME! IT WAS A MISTAKE. |
| 315 | I MADE A MISTAKE, OKAY? |
| 316 | "A MISTAKE"?! |
| 317 | WHAT WERE YOU TRYING TO PUT IT IN-- HER PURSE?! |
| 318 | WHERE... WHERE DID HE PUT IT? |
| 319 | ROSS, YOU HAD SEX WITH ANOTHER WOMAN! |
| 320 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 321 | OH, GOD. |
| 322 | I KNEW SOMETHING HAD TO BE WRONG |
| 323 | BECAUSE MY FINGERNAILS |
| 324 | DID NOT GROW AT ALL YESTERDAY. |
| 325 | YEAH, WELL, I GUESS THEY HAD A FIGHT |
| 326 | AND HE GOT DRUNK... |
| 327 | YOU GUYS KNEW ABOUT THIS |
| 328 | AND YOU DIDN'T TELL US?! |
| 329 | HE HAD SEX |
| 330 | AND WE GET HIT ON OUR HEADS. |
| 331 | YOU KNOW WHAT? I WANT YOU TO LEAVE. |
| 332 | NO! NO! JUST GET OUT. NOW! |
| 333 | I WANT TO STAY. |
| 334 | I WANT TO TALK ABOUT THIS. |
| 335 | OKAY. |
| 336 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 337 | HOW WAS SHE? |
| 338 | UH-OH. |
| 339 | WHAT? |
| 340 | WAS SHE GOOD? |
| 341 | DON'T ANSWER THAT. |
| 342 | Rachel: COME ON, ROSS. YOU SAID YOU WANTED TO TALK ABOUT IT. |
| 343 | LET'S TALK ABOUT IT! |
| 344 | HOW WAS SHE? |
| 345 | SHE WAS... |
| 346 | AWFUL. |
| 347 | HORRIBLE. SHE WAS NOT GOOD. |
| 348 | NOTHING COMPARED TO YOU. |
| 349 | SHE... SHE WAS DIFFERENT. |
| 350 | OH... UH-OH. |
| 351 | GOOD. DIFFERENT? |
| 352 | NOBODY LIKES CHANGE... I... |
| 353 | YOU JUST STOP... |
| 354 | WHAT? OKAY, OKAY, OKAY-- OKAY. |
| 355 | SH-SHOULD WE DO SOMETHING? |
| 356 | YEAH. NEVER CHEAT ON RACHEL. |
| 357 | I'M SORRY, OKAY? I'M SORRY. |
| 358 | I WAS... I WAS DISGUSTED WITH MYSELF |
| 359 | AND THIS MORNING, I WAS SO... SO UPSET |
| 360 | AND THEN I GOT YOUR MESSAGE. |
| 361 | I WAS SO HAPPY |
| 362 | AND ALL I WANTED WAS TO GET HER |
| 363 | OUT OF MY APARTMENT AS FAST AS POSS... |
| 364 | WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WAIT A MINUTE. |
| 365 | WHAT TIME DID YOUR LITTLE FRIEND LEAVE? |
| 366 | UH... |
| 367 | OH, MY GOSH. |
| 368 | SHE WAS THERE... SHE WAS STILL THERE? |
| 369 | SHE WAS IN THERE WHEN I WAS IN THERE?! |
| 370 | OH! JUST... GET... OUT! |
| 371 | LISTEN-- OH, HEY, HEY, THE IMPORTANT THING IS |
| 372 | SHE MEANT NOTHING TO ME. |
| 373 | AND YET SHE WAS WORTH JEOPARDIZING |
| 374 | OUR RELATIONSHIP! |
| 375 | LOOK, I DIDN'T THINK |
| 376 | THERE WAS A RELATIONSHIP |
| 377 | TO JEOPARDIZE. |
| 378 | I THOUGHT WE WERE BROKEN UP. |
| 379 | WE WERE ON A BREAK. |
| 380 | THAT, FOR ALL I KNEW, COULD LAST FOREVER. |
| 381 | THAT, TO ME, IS A BREAK UP. |
| 382 | YOU THINK YOU'LL GET OUT OF THIS ON A TECHNICALITY? |
| 383 | I'M NOT TRYING TO GET OUT OF ANYTHING. |
| 384 | I THOUGHT OUR RELATIONSHIP WAS DEAD. |
| 385 | WELL, YOU SURE HAD A HELL OF A TIME AT THE WAKE. |
| 386 | YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 387 | I DON'T THINK WE SHOULD LISTEN TO THIS ANYMORE. |
| 388 | WHAT ARE YOU DOING? |
| 389 | WE CAN'T GO OUT THERE. |
| 390 | WHY NOT? |
| 391 | I'M HUNGRY. |
| 392 | BECAUSE THEY'LL KNOW WE'VE BEEN LISTENING. |
| 393 | GOD! AND TO HAVE TO HEAR ABOUT IT FROM GUNTHER! |
| 394 | LIKE I WANTED HIM TO TELL YOU? |
| 395 | I RAN ALL OVER THE PLACE TRYING TO MAKE SURE |
| 396 | THAT DIDN'T HAPPEN. |
| 397 | OH, THAT IS SO SWEET. |
| 398 | I THINK I'M FALLING IN LOVE WITH YOU ALL OVER AGAIN. |
| 399 | YOU KNOW WHAT? I THINK WE CAN GO OUT THERE. |
| 400 | THEY HAVE MORE IMPORTANT THINGS TO WORRY ABOUT. |
| 401 | YEAH, WE'LL BE FINE. |
| 402 | LOOK, RACHEL, I WANTED TO TELL YOU. |
| 403 | I THOUGHT I SHOULD, I DID |
| 404 | AND THEN CHANDLER AND JOEY CONVINCED ME NOT TO. |
| 405 | WAX THE DOOR SHUT. |
| 406 | WE'RE NEVER LEAVING, EVER. |
| 407 | HI. IT'S PHOEBE. |
| 408 | LISTEN, SOMEONE'S GOING TO HAVE TO TAKE MY 9:00 WITH MR. REHAK |
| 409 | 'CAUSE IT'S, LIKE, 9:15 NOW, AND I'M NOT THERE. |
| 410 | Ross: DON'T YOU REALIZE NONE OF THIS |
| 411 | WOULD EVER HAVE HAPPENED IF I DIDN'T THINK |
| 412 | AT THAT SAME MOMENT |
| 413 | YOU WERE HAVING SEX WITH MARK? |
| 414 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 415 | LET'S SAY I HAD SLEPT WITH MARK. |
| 416 | WOULD YOU HAVE BEEN ABLE TO FORGIVE ME? |
| 417 | YES, I WOULD. |
| 418 | YOU'D BE OKAY IF YOU KNEW THAT MARK HAD KISSED ME |
| 419 | AND BEEN NAKED WITH ME AND MADE LOVE TO ME? |
| 420 | YES. |
| 421 | IF YOU KNEW THAT OUR HOT, SWEATY, WRITHING BODIES... |
| 422 | LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA! |
| 423 | OKAY, OKAY, YEAH, IT... |
| 424 | I WOULD HAVE BEEN DEVASTATED |
| 425 | BUT... |
| 426 | I WOULD STILL WANT TO BE WITH YOU... |
| 427 | BECAUSE IT'S... I MEAN, IT'S YOU. |
| 428 | All: AWW... |
| 429 | WHAT? |
| 430 | COME ON, RACH, TELL ME WHAT YOU'RE THINKING. |
| 431 | I'M THINKING... |
| 432 | I'M GOING TO ORDER A PIZZA. |
| 433 | ORDER A PIZZA, LIKE... |
| 434 | "I FORGIVE YOU"? |
| 435 | OH, MAN... PIZZA. |
| 436 | I LIKE PIZZA. |
| 437 | PUT OLIVES ON THE PIZZA. |
| 438 | WE COULD EAT THE WAX. IT'S ORGANIC. |
| 439 | OH, GREAT-- FOOD WITH HAIR ON IT. |
| 440 | NO, NOT THE USED WAX... |
| 441 | BECAUSE THAT WOULD BE CRAZY? |
| 442 | HEY, COULD I... COULD I GET IN ON THAT |
| 443 | 'CAUSE I'M KIND OF HUNGRY MYSELF. |
| 444 | I'M FINE. |
| 445 | HI. YES, I'D LIKE TO ORDER A LARGE PIZZA. |
| 446 | ( whispering ): NO ANCHOVIES. |
| 447 | WITH EXTRA ANCHOVIES. |
| 448 | IT'S OKAY, I'LL JUST PICK THEM OFF. |
| 449 | AND COULD YOU PLEASE CHOP SOME UP |
| 450 | AND PUT IT RIGHT IN THE SAUCE? |
| 451 | YOU CAN HAVE THE LAST PIECE IF YOU WANT. |
| 452 | WELL, I SHOULD THINK SO. |
| 453 | YOU SLEPT WITH SOMEONE. |
| 454 | THEY'RE GOING TO GET THROUGH THIS, AREN'T THEY? |
| 455 | YEAH. COME ON, IT'S ROSS AND RACHEL. |
| 456 | THEY'VE GOT TO. |
| 457 | WHAT IF THEY DON'T? |
| 458 | YOU THINK I NEED A NEW WALK? |
| 459 | WHAT? |
| 460 | WELL, YOU KNOW, I'VE BEEN WALKING THE SAME WAY |
| 461 | SINCE HIGH SCHOOL. |
| 462 | YOU KNOW HOW SOME GUYS-- THEY WALK INTO A ROOM |
| 463 | AND EVERYBODY TAKES NOTICE? |
| 464 | I THINK I NEED A TAKE-NOTICE WALK. |
| 465 | ARE YOU ACTUALLY SAYING THESE WORDS? |
| 466 | WHAT, NOW YOU'RE NOT EVEN TALKING TO ME? |
| 467 | LOOK, RACHEL, I'M SORRY. OKAY? |
| 468 | I'M SORRY. I WAS OUT OF MY MIND. |
| 469 | I THOUGHT I'D LOST YOU. I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. |
| 470 | COME ON. HOW INSANE MUST I HAVE BEEN |
| 471 | TO DO SOMETHING LIKE THIS? HUH? |
| 472 | I DON'T CHEAT. RIGHT? |
| 473 | THAT'S NOT ME. I'M NOT JOEY. |
| 474 | WHOA! |
| 475 | YEAH, OKAY. |
| 476 | HEY, IT'S 3:00 IN THE MORNING. |
| 477 | THEY DON'T KNOW THAT I'VE COME HOME YET. |
| 478 | YOU NOTICE HOW NEITHER ONE OF THEM ARE WONDERING WHERE I AM. |
| 479 | YEAH, PEOPLE COULD BE SO SELF-INVOLVED. |
| 480 | YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 481 | I'M NOT THE ONE THAT WANTED THAT... THAT "BREAK," OKAY. |
| 482 | YOU'RE THE ONE THAT BAILED ON US. |
| 483 | YOU'RE THE ONE THAT RAN THE MOMENT THINGS GOT A LITTLE ROUGH. |
| 484 | THAT'S... THAT'S WHAT? |
| 485 | THAT IS NEITHER HERE NOR THERE. |
| 486 | OKAY, WELL, HERE WE ARE. |
| 487 | NOW WE'RE IN A TOUGH SPOT AGAIN, RACH. |
| 488 | WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO? |
| 489 | HOW DO YOU WANT TO HANDLE IT? |
| 490 | DO YOU WANT TO FIGHT FOR US OR DO YOU WANT TO BAIL? |
| 491 | LOOK, I... |
| 492 | I DID A TERRIBLE, STUPID, STUPID THING-- |
| 493 | OKAY, AND I'M SORRY. |
| 494 | I WISH I COULD TAKE IT BACK, BUT I CAN'T. |
| 495 | I JUST CAN'T SEE US THROWING AWAY SOMETHING WE KNOW |
| 496 | IS SO DAMN GOOD. |
| 497 | RACHEL, I LOVE YOU SO MUCH. |
| 498 | NO, ROSS. |
| 499 | DON'T! |
| 500 | YOU CAN'T JUST KISS ME |
| 501 | AND THINK YOU'LL MAKE IT ALL GO AWAY. |
| 502 | IT DOESN'T WORK THAT WAY. |
| 503 | IT DOESN'T JUST MAKE IT BETTER. OKAY? |
| 504 | OKAY, OKAY. |
| 505 | I THINK YOU SHOULD GO. |
| 506 | WHAT? |
| 507 | I REALLY THINK YOU NEED TO GO NOW. |
| 508 | OKAY, OKAY-- |
| 509 | THIS MORNING YOU SAID THERE WAS NOTHING SO BIG THAT WE COULDN'T WORK |
| 510 | PAST IT TOGETHER. |
| 511 | WHAT THE HELL DID I KNOW? |
| 512 | LOOK, THERE'S GOT TO BE A WAY WE CAN WORK PAST THIS, OKAY? |
| 513 | I CAN'T IMAGINE... I CAN'T IMAGINE MY LIFE WITHOUT YOU |
| 514 | YOU KNOW, WITHOUT... |
| 515 | WITHOUT THESE ARMS... |
| 516 | ( sniffling ) |
| 517 | AND YOUR FACE AND YOUR HEART-- |
| 518 | YOUR GOOD HEART, RACH, AND... |
| 519 | NO. |
| 520 | I CAN'T. YOU'RE A TOTALLY DIFFERENT PERSON TO ME NOW. |
| 521 | I USED TO THINK OF YOU AS SOMEBODY THAT WOULD NEVER |
| 522 | EVER, HURT ME, EVER. |
| 523 | GOD, AND NOW I JUST CAN'T STOP PICTURING YOU WITH HER. |
| 524 | I CAN'T. IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOU SAY OR WHAT |
| 525 | YOU DO, ROSS. |
| 526 | IT'S JUST CHANGED EVERYTHING. |
| 527 | FOREVER. |
| 528 | ( Ross crying ) |
| 529 | ( stammering ): THIS... |
| 530 | THIS CAN'T BE IT. |
| 531 | I MEAN... |
| 532 | ( sighing ) |
| 533 | THEN, HOW COME IT IS? |
| 534 | THEY'VE BEEN QUIET FOR A LONG TIME. |
| 535 | MAYBE SHE KILLED HIM. |
| 536 | LET'S GO. |
| 537 | IS THAT YOUR NEW WALK? |
| 538 | ( whispering ): NO, I REALLY HAVE TO PEE. |
| 539 | |
| 1 | CAN I SEE THE COMICS? |
| 2 | THIS IS THE NEW YORK TIMES. |
| 3 | OKAY, MAY I SEE THE COMICS? |
| 4 | GUYS, I THOUGHT YOU WERE TAKING ROSS TO THE GAME. |
| 5 | WE ARE. HE'S MEETING US HERE. |
| 6 | NO. RACHEL IS MEETING US HERE. |
| 7 | COME ON, THEY CAN BE IN THE SAME ROOM. |
| 8 | YOU SHOULD'VE BEEN THERE LAST NIGHT. |
| 9 | WHY? WHAT HAPPENED NOW? |
| 10 | ROSS WAS HANGING OUT AT OUR PLACE. |
| 11 | RACHEL COMES OVER TO BORROW SOME MOISTURIZER FROM CHANDLER... |
| 12 | HEY, JOE, WOULD YOU...? |
| 13 | HOW HARD IS IT TO SAY "SOMETHING"? |
| 14 | "RACHEL CAME OVER TO BORROW... SOMETHING." |
| 15 | ANYWAY, HER AND ROSS |
| 16 | JUST STARTED YELLING AT EACH OTHER. |
| 17 | WHY WAS HE YELLING AT HER? |
| 18 | HE'S THE ONE WHO SLEPT WITH SOMEONE ELSE. |
| 19 | HE SAYS THAT BECAUSE THEY WERE ON A BREAK WHEN IT HAPPENED |
| 20 | SHE SHOULD'VE FORGIVEN HIM BY NOW. |
| 21 | WHOA! HE IS SO UNREASONABLE. |
| 22 | GOD! |
| 23 | ALTHOUGH, I THINK I UNDERSTAND WHAT HE MEANS. |
| 24 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 25 | THIS IS LIKE 60 MINUTES... |
| 26 | OKAY, WHEN AT FIRST YOU'RE REALLY MAD |
| 27 | AT THAT PHARMACEUTICAL COMPANY FOR MAKING THE DRUG |
| 28 | AND THEN, YOU KNOW, YOU JUST FEEL BAD FOR THE PEOPLE |
| 29 | BECAUSE THEY NEEDED TO MAKE THEIR HAIR GROW. |
| 30 | YOU KNOW WHAT THIS IS LIKE? |
| 31 | THIS IS LIKE WHEN MY PARENTS GOT DIVORCED. |
| 32 | MAN, I HOPE ROSS DOESN'T TRY TO KIDNAP ME AFTER CUB SCOUTS. |
| 33 | YOU KNOW, I HAD A DREAM |
| 34 | THAT ROSS AND RACHEL WERE STILL TOGETHER. |
| 35 | THEY NEVER BROKE UP |
| 36 | AND WE WERE ALL JUST, LIKE, HANGING OUT |
| 37 | AND EVERYONE WAS HAPPY. |
| 38 | I HAD THE SAME DREAM. |
| 39 | AND NOBODY SLEPT WITH THAT XEROX GIRL. |
| 40 | OH. I HAD THE OPPOSITE DREAM. |
| 41 | YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 42 | MAYBE IT'S GOING TO BE OKAY. |
| 43 | I MEAN, IT'S BEEN A WEEK. |
| 44 | YEAH. IT'S NEVER TAKEN ME MORE THAN A WEEK |
| 45 | TO GET OVER A RELATIONSHIP. |
| 46 | IT'S NEVER TAKEN YOU MORE THAN A SHOWER TO GET OVER |
| 47 | A RELATIONSHIP. |
| 48 | OKAY, LET'S GO. |
| 49 | LET'S HIT THE ROAD. |
| 50 | LET'S GET THE SHOW ON IT. |
| 51 | LET ME GET A CUP OF COFFEE. |
| 52 | I KNOW THE BEST COFFEEHOUSE AND IT'S SO CLOSE. |
| 53 | CLOSER THAN HERE? |
| 54 | HEY, LOOK, LOOK-- I FOUND COFFEE. |
| 55 | OKAY, LET'S SKEDADDLE. |
| 56 | PHEEBS, I'M NOT GOING TO DRINK |
| 57 | SOMEBODY'S OLD COFFEE. |
| 58 | OKAY... YOUR HIGHNESS. |
| 59 | ( grunts ): "RACHEL, I'M REALLY SORRY." |
| 60 | "UM, THAT'S OKAY, ROSS. |
| 61 | YOU WANT TO GET BACK TOGETHER?" |
| 62 | "YEAH, OKAY." |
| 63 | DID ANYONE ELSE HEAR THAT? |
| 64 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 65 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 66 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 67 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 68 | ♪ WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY ♪ |
| 69 | ♪ YOUR WEEK, YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 70 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 71 | ♪ WHEN THE RAIN STARTS TO POUR ♪ |
| 72 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 73 | ♪ LIKE I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE ♪ |
| 74 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 75 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME TOO. ♪ |
| 76 | ( knocking ) |
| 77 | IS HE HERE? |
| 78 | NO. |
| 79 | OH. HERE'S YOUR MOISTURIZER. |
| 80 | HI. |
| 81 | HEY. |
| 82 | YOU GUYS ARE GOING TO LOVE ME. |
| 83 | OKAY, CHECK IT OUT-- |
| 84 | THURSDAY NIGHT |
| 85 | FIVE TICKETS. |
| 86 | CALVIN KLEIN LINGERIE SHOW |
| 87 | AND YOU GUYS ARE COMING WITH ME. |
| 88 | OKAY, I SAID THAT OUT LOUD, RIGHT? |
| 89 | YES. YES. IT'S JUST THAT WE... |
| 90 | WE KIND OF ALREADY... MADE PLANS WITH ROSS. |
| 91 | OH. |
| 92 | WELL, OKAY. |
| 93 | WELL, THERE YOU GO. |
| 94 | Phoebe: NO. IT'S JUST |
| 95 | THAT HE GOT THIS NEW HOME THEATER DEALY |
| 96 | AND HE WANTS US TO CHECK IT OUT. |
| 97 | YEAH. HE'S REALLY EXCITED ABOUT IT, TOO. |
| 98 | EVEN RECORDED SHOW TIMES ON HIS ANSWERING MACHINE. |
| 99 | WE'RE SORRY, HONEY. |
| 100 | OH, IT'S OKAY. |
| 101 | RACH, IT'S NOT THAT WE DON'T WANT TO. |
| 102 | REALLY. |
| 103 | ARE WE TALKING MODELS IN THEIR UNDERWEAR? |
| 104 | AND HEELS. |
| 105 | ROSS DID ASK US FIRST, AND WE SET THAT NIGHT ASIDE. |
| 106 | NO. HEY, COME ON, YOU KNOW. |
| 107 | IF HE ASKED YOU FIRST, THAT'S ONLY FAIR. |
| 108 | ( groans ) |
| 109 | Phoebe: OH, BOY, DO I FEEL BAD. |
| 110 | OH, YEAH. |
| 111 | Monica: VERY BAD. |
| 112 | CHANDLER! CHANDLER, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? |
| 113 | OH, MY GOD! |
| 114 | YOU'RE SMOKING AGAIN? |
| 115 | WELL, ACTUALLY, YESTERDAY I WAS SMOKING AGAIN. |
| 116 | TODAY, I'M... I'M SMOKING STILL. |
| 117 | BUT WHY WOULD YOU START AGAIN |
| 118 | AFTER CHEWING ALL THAT QUITTING GUM? |
| 119 | I'M TELLING YOU, THIS IS JUST LIKE MY PARENTS' DIVORCE |
| 120 | WHICH IS WHEN I STARTED SMOKING IN THE FIRST PLACE. |
| 121 | WEREN'T YOU NINE? |
| 122 | YEAH. |
| 123 | I'M TELLING YOU SOMETHING |
| 124 | THAT FIRST SMOKE AFTER NAPTIME... |
| 125 | ( knocking ) |
| 126 | OH, THAT'S GREAT. |
| 127 | WITH MY LUCK, THAT'S GOING TO BE HIM. |
| 128 | HIM? HIM, ROSS? |
| 129 | NO. HIM, 253. |
| 130 | HIS EYES ARE ON THE SPARROW. |
| 131 | WHEN MY PARENTS GOT DIVORCED |
| 132 | IS WHEN I STARTED USING HUMOR AS A DEFENSE MECHANISM. |
| 133 | HI. UH, DO YOU GUYS HAVE PLANS FOR THE WEEKEND |
| 134 | BECAUSE I HAVE MY SISTER ON HOLD |
| 135 | AND SHE SAID THAT WE COULD HAVE |
| 136 | HER CABIN FOR THE WEEKEND |
| 137 | AND GO SKIING. |
| 138 | HUH? I'M ASKING YOU FIRST, RIGHT? |
| 139 | I MEAN, I'M PLAYING BY THE RULES. |
| 140 | YEAH. |
| 141 | CHANDLER! |
| 142 | YOU'RE SMOKING? |
| 143 | WHAT ARE YOU DOING? |
| 144 | HEY, SHUT UP! YOU'RE NOT MY REAL MOM. |
| 145 | HEY, CAN YOU CLOSE THAT WINDOW, CHANDLER? |
| 146 | MY NIPPLES COULD CUT GLASS OVER HERE. |
| 147 | WAIT, REALLY? |
| 148 | 'CAUSE MINE GET ME OUT OF TICKETS. |
| 149 | LOOK, YOU GUYS, I JUST WANT TO SAY |
| 150 | I REALLY, REALLY APPRECIATE YOU SPENDING THIS TIME WITH ME. |
| 151 | IT'S BEEN A PRETTY HARD TIME RIGHT NOW |
| 152 | SO I JUST WANT TO SAY THANKS. |
| 153 | CAN SOMEBODY ELSE HUG HIM? |
| 154 | I HAVE TO STAY |
| 155 | BY THE WINDOW. |
| 156 | OH, HEY, HEY, HUH? |
| 157 | HOW ABOUT THIS WEEKEND WE HAVE A LASER DISC MARATHON |
| 158 | AND MAYBE A TOURNAMENT ON MY NEW... |
| 159 | DART BOARD. HUH? HUH? |
| 160 | WHAT DO YOU THINK? |
| 161 | ( Irish accent ): TWO DAYS OF DARTS. |
| 162 | IT'LL BE GREAT. |
| 163 | IT'LL BE GREAT FOR NEXT WEEKEND. |
| 164 | NO, NO, NO. THIS WEEKEND, GUYS. |
| 165 | IT'LL BE GREAT FOR NEXT WEEKEND. |
| 166 | I MEAN... |
| 167 | ( Irish accent ): IT'LL BE GREAT. |
| 168 | WHAT'S GOING ON? |
| 169 | WE WERE, UM... |
| 170 | SORT OF INVITED TO GO SKIING. |
| 171 | YOU KNOW, RACHEL'S SISTER'S CABIN. |
| 172 | SO... FOR THE WHOLE WEEKEND? |
| 173 | WE'RE REALLY SORRY |
| 174 | BUT, UM... SHE DID ASK US FIRST. |
| 175 | YEAH, THAT'S OKAY. |
| 176 | I MEAN, IF YOU GUYS ALL HAVE TO GO AWAY |
| 177 | FOR THE FIRST WEEKEND I'M ALONE BY MYSELF, YOU KNOW... |
| 178 | I TOTALLY, TOTALLY UNDERSTAND. |
| 179 | YOU KNOW WHAT? I COULD STAY. |
| 180 | I'M GOING TO STAY. |
| 181 | 'CAUSE THE LAST TIME I WENT SKIING |
| 182 | I WAS TOO AFRAID TO JUMP OFF THE CHAIR LIFT. |
| 183 | I JUST WENT ROUND AND ROUND. |
| 184 | PHEEBS, WE KIND OF NEED YOU TO DRIVE EVERYBODY UP THERE |
| 185 | IN YOUR GRANDMOTHER'S CAB, BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 186 | I'LL STAY. |
| 187 | NO, I'LL STAY. HE'S MY BROTHER. |
| 188 | WHAT, A PITY STAY? |
| 189 | NO. |
| 190 | WE'RE GOING TO HAVE FUN. |
| 191 | WE CAN MAKE FUDGE. |
| 192 | PITY FOOD? |
| 193 | YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 194 | THAT'S OKAY, ALL RIGHT? |
| 195 | I DON'T NEED ANY OF YOU TO STAY, OKAY? |
| 196 | NOBODY STAYS. |
| 197 | WELL, THEN, I MIGHT AS WELL OFFER TO STAY. |
| 198 | HEY... |
| 199 | DOES ANYBODY ELSE FEEL BAD ABOUT ROSS? |
| 200 | WHY? DO YOU THINK HE'S STILL MAD AT US? |
| 201 | HE'S PROBABLY MORE MAD |
| 202 | SINCE YOU CALLED HIM THIS MORNING |
| 203 | TO BORROW HIS GOGGLES. |
| 204 | WHAT? MINE AREN'T TINTED. |
| 205 | CHANDLER? |
| 206 | WHAT? |
| 207 | WHAT DOES THE SIGN SAY? |
| 208 | "BEAM ME UP, JESUS." |
| 209 | NO. THE "NO SMOKING" SIGN. |
| 210 | THERE'S NO SMOKING IN MY GRANDMOTHER'S CAB. |
| 211 | OKAY, WELL, THEN I HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM. |
| 212 | NO. NO. NO UNSCHEDULED STOPS. |
| 213 | YOU CAN GO WHEN WE STOP FOR GAS. |
| 214 | COME ON. THERE'S A REST STOP RIGHT UP THERE. |
| 215 | ( whining ): COME ON, I REALLY HAVE TO GO. |
| 216 | OH, NOW I HAVE TO GO! |
| 217 | Chandler: HERE WE GO. |
| 218 | Monica: WHAT? |
| 219 | OKAY, BRACE YOURSELVES. |
| 220 | FOR WHAT? |
| 221 | OH! |
| 222 | AREN'T YOU GOING TO GO? |
| 223 | NO. THANK YOU. |
| 224 | NO, RACHEL NEVER PEES IN PUBLIC REST ROOMS. |
| 225 | WELL, THEY NEVER HAVE ANY PAPER IN THERE, YOU KNOW |
| 226 | SO MY RULE IS, NO TISSUE, NO TUSHY. |
| 227 | WELL, IF EVERYBODY'S GOING... |
| 228 | OH, YOU KNOW WHAT, DON'T CLOSE IT! |
| 229 | THE KEYS ARE IN THERE! |
| 230 | OH, NO, NO, NO, NO! |
| 231 | MY LIGHTER'S IN THERE! |
| 232 | DAMN. THE TAILPIPE'S NOT HOT ENOUGH TO LIGHT THIS. |
| 233 | RELAX, OKAY? |
| 234 | I CAN GET THIS OPEN. |
| 235 | ANYBODY GOT A COAT HANGER? |
| 236 | OH, I DO. |
| 237 | OH. NO, WAIT A MINUTE. |
| 238 | I TOOK IT OUT OF MY SHIRT WHEN I |
| 239 | PUT IT ON THIS MORNING. |
| 240 | IF YOUR PARENTS HADN'T GOT DIVORCED |
| 241 | YOU'D BE ABLE TO ANSWER A QUESTION |
| 242 | LIKE A NORMAL PERSON? |
| 243 | LOOK, I JUST NEED A WIRE SOMETHING TO JIMMY IT. |
| 244 | OH, HEY... ONE OF YOU GUYS GIVE ME |
| 245 | THE UNDER-WIRE FROM YOUR BRA. |
| 246 | All: WHAT? |
| 247 | WHO HAS THE BIGGEST BOOBS? |
| 248 | ( exclaiming ) |
| 249 | WHOEVER HAS THE BIGGEST BOOBS HAS THE BIGGEST BRA |
| 250 | THEREFORE HAS THE BIGGEST WIRE. |
| 251 | IF YOU WANT TO GET BACK IN THE CAR |
| 252 | WE NEED THAT WIRE. |
| 253 | YOUR CALL. |
| 254 | OKAY, MONICA'S ARE THE BIGGEST. |
| 255 | THESE TINY LITTLE NON-BREASTS? |
| 256 | PLEASE. |
| 257 | IT'S GOT TO BE RACHEL. |
| 258 | NO, NO, NO. |
| 259 | MINE ARE DECEPTIVELY SMALL. |
| 260 | I MEAN, I ACTUALLY SOMETIMES STUFF MY BRA. |
| 261 | OKAY, WELL, THEN YOUR BRA WOULD STILL BE BIG. |
| 262 | NO, I STUFF... OUTSIDE THE BRA. |
| 263 | LADIES, LADIES, LET'S JUST COMPROMISE, OKAY? |
| 264 | PHOEBE, RACHEL, TAKE OFF MONICA'S BRA. |
| 265 | OH, FORGET IT. |
| 266 | YOU CAN HAVE MINE. |
| 267 | THANK YOU. |
| 268 | CHANDLER, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? |
| 269 | THERE IS A TRASH CAN RIGHT THERE. |
| 270 | WELL, I THOUGHT IF I LITTERED |
| 271 | THAT CRYING INDIAN MIGHT COME BY AND SAVE US. |
| 272 | OKAY, THERE. |
| 273 | THANK YOU, PHOEBE. |
| 274 | THAT'S VERY, VERY... |
| 275 | GENEROUS. |
| 276 | OKAY, NOW LET'S DECIDE WHO HAS THE NICEST ASS. |
| 277 | AND THERE YOU GO! |
| 278 | YAY! |
| 279 | OH, CHANDLER... |
| 280 | AT LEAST LET ME SMOKE IT TO THE GOOD PART. |
| 281 | Phoebe: OKAY... |
| 282 | OH, NO. |
| 283 | WHAT? |
| 284 | W-WHAT'S GOING ON? |
| 285 | YEAH, THIS HAS HAPPENED BEFORE. |
| 286 | SO, YOU KNOW HOW TO FIX IT? |
| 287 | YEP. PUT MORE GAS IN. |
| 288 | ( knock on door ) |
| 289 | HI. HI. |
| 290 | WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? |
| 291 | OH, JUST... I WAS JUST WONDERING. |
| 292 | WHEN YOU AND I SPLIT UP, DID YOU GET THE TAPE |
| 293 | THAT WAS HALF THE LAST EPISODE OF M.A.S.H. |
| 294 | AND HALF THE HOSTAGES COMING HOME? |
| 295 | UH, YEAH, BUT NOW IT'S SUSAN AND ME IN MEXICO |
| 296 | AND THE HOSTAGES COMING HOME. |
| 297 | WHERE'S BEN? |
| 298 | HE'S SLEEPING. |
| 299 | AH... |
| 300 | OOH... |
| 301 | IS THIS... IS THIS A BAD TIME? |
| 302 | UH, YEAH, ACTUALLY. |
| 303 | SUSAN'S GOING TO BE HERE ANY MINUTE. |
| 304 | IT'S KIND OF AN ANNIVERSARY. |
| 305 | OH... I THOUGHT YOU GUYS GOT MARRIED IN JANUARY. |
| 306 | DIFFERENT KIND OF ANNIVERSARY. |
| 307 | OH... |
| 308 | OH. |
| 309 | SO, ANYWAY... |
| 310 | CANDLES, CHAMPAGNE... |
| 311 | ANNIVERSARIES ARE GREAT. |
| 312 | ( chuckles ) |
| 313 | 'CAUSE, YOU KNOW, LOVE LASTS FOREVER, YOU KNOW? |
| 314 | NOTHING LIKE IT IN THIS LIFETIME. |
| 315 | MONEY IN THE BANK. |
| 316 | SO, RACHEL AND I BROKE UP. |
| 317 | OH, GOD, ROSS, I AM SO SORRY. |
| 318 | YEAH. |
| 319 | YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 320 | I WANT TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT THIS SO MUCH |
| 321 | BUT WE SHOULD PROBABLY DO IT WHEN WE CAN REALLY GET INTO IT. |
| 322 | YOU FREE FOR DINNER TOMORROW NIGHT? |
| 323 | OH, YEAH, I'D LOVE THAT. |
| 324 | ME, TOO. |
| 325 | I GUESS IT ALL STARTED |
| 326 | WHEN RACHEL GOT THIS NEW JOB. |
| 327 | OKAY, YEAH. TRIPLE "A" CAN PICK US UP. |
| 328 | OH, GOOD. |
| 329 | JUST WHAT TOWN ARE WE NEAR? |
| 330 | UM... FREMONT. |
| 331 | WESTMONT... |
| 332 | UM... WESTBURG? |
| 333 | OKAY, WHY ARE YOU ANSWERING? |
| 334 | DO YOU KNOW AT LEAST WHAT ROUTE WE'RE ON? |
| 335 | WE ARE DEFINITELY ON ROUTE 27. |
| 336 | OKAY. |
| 337 | WE ARE AT A REST STOP ON ROUTE 27... |
| 338 | OKAY. THERE IS NO ROUTE 27. |
| 339 | OKAY, EITHER 93 OR 76. |
| 340 | I DON'T KNOW. |
| 341 | I SLEPT IN THE BACK WHEN WE DROVE UP HERE. |
| 342 | HEY, CAN YOU JUST SEND SOMEONE UP AND DOWN THE 76 |
| 343 | AND JUST CHECK EVERY REST STOP? |
| 344 | AND, AND ALSO 93? |
| 345 | OKAY. |
| 346 | YEAH. NO, THEY DON'T DO THAT. |
| 347 | OKAY, WELL, SOMEBODY WILL COME AND SAVE US. |
| 348 | WHO? |
| 349 | HAVE YOU SEEN A CAR COME BY |
| 350 | IN THE LAST HOUR? |
| 351 | WE SHOULD CALL ROSS. |
| 352 | HE CAN GET A CAR TO PICK US UP. |
| 353 | NO. |
| 354 | NO, I AM NOT GETTING IN A CAR WITH ROSS. |
| 355 | WE WILL JUST HAVE TO... |
| 356 | LIVE HERE. |
| 357 | COME ON, IT'S SO COLD... |
| 358 | NO, YOU GUYS. |
| 359 | I AM NOT GETTING IN A CAR WITH HIM. |
| 360 | THINK OF SOMETHING ELSE. |
| 361 | OH, GOOD, JOEY AND CHANDLER ARE BACK. |
| 362 | Monica: SO THE GOING FOR HELP WENT WELL. |
| 363 | SMOKEY JOE HERE |
| 364 | GOT HALFWAY TO THE HIGHWAY AND COLLAPSED. |
| 365 | I HAVE THE LUNG CAPACITY OF A TWO-YEAR-OLD. |
| 366 | THEN WHY ARE YOU SMOKING? |
| 367 | WELL, IT'S VERY UNSETTLING. |
| 368 | RIGHT? RIGHT? |
| 369 | I MEAN, IT'S PRETTY UNBELIEVABLE, YOU KNOW? |
| 370 | THEY JUST TOOK OFF... |
| 371 | TOOK OFF WITHOUT EVEN LOOKING BACK. |
| 372 | YOU KNOW, I DON'T... I DON'T NEED THEM. |
| 373 | I'VE GOT YOU GUYS NOW AS FRIENDS-- |
| 374 | YOU AND SUSAN. |
| 375 | AH, SUSAN WILL BE SO PLEASED. |
| 376 | ( beeping ) |
| 377 | SEVEN-ONE-SEVEN? |
| 378 | WHERE'S SEVEN-ONE-SEVEN? |
| 379 | 'KAY, YOU HAVE MORE OF THESE |
| 380 | FOR SUSAN, RIGHT? |
| 381 | NO, BUT THAT'S OKAY. |
| 382 | I'LL JUST PUT OUT PICKLES OR SOMETHING. |
| 383 | ( phone rings ) |
| 384 | ROSS. THANK GOD. |
| 385 | Pheebs? |
| 386 | WHY ARE YOU WHISPERING? |
| 387 | I... ATE A BUG. |
| 388 | HEY, RACH... |
| 389 | THE TAMPONS HERE ARE ONLY A PENNY. |
| 390 | LET'S STOCK UP. |
| 391 | LISTEN, WE RAN OUT OF GAS AND WE DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE |
| 392 | SO WE CAN'T GET A TOW TRUCK. |
| 393 | OH. NOW YOU WANT A FAVOR. |
| 394 | YES, PLEASE. |
| 395 | WELL, I'M SORRY YOUR CAR |
| 396 | BROKE DOWN, PHEEBS |
| 397 | BUT I'M A LITTLE TOO BUSY |
| 398 | WITH SOME OF MY REAL FRIENDS RIGHT NOW |
| 399 | BUT, UH, PLEASE CALL TO LET ME KNOW YOU GOT HOME SAFELY... |
| 400 | PHOEBE, HANG ON A SECOND. |
| 401 | HERE. TAKE MY CAR |
| 402 | GO PICK UP YOUR FRIENDS. |
| 403 | I AM NOT GOING... |
| 404 | WE BOTH KNOW YOU'RE GOING TO DO IT |
| 405 | 'CAUSE YOU'RE NOT A JERK, OKAY? |
| 406 | SO YOU CAN EITHER SULK HERE FOR HALF AN HOUR |
| 407 | AND THEN GO PICK THEM UP |
| 408 | OR YOU CAN SAVE US BOTH TIME |
| 409 | AND SULK IN THE CAR. |
| 410 | NO. RACHEL DOESN'T WANT ME... |
| 411 | I AM SORRY THAT RACHEL DUMPED YOU |
| 412 | 'CAUSE SHE FELL IN LOVE WITH THAT MARK GUY |
| 413 | AND YOU ARE THE INNOCENT VICTIM |
| 414 | BUT DON'T PUNISH YOUR FRIENDS |
| 415 | FOR WHAT RACHEL DID TO YOU. |
| 416 | YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT. |
| 417 | PHOEBE, HANG ON A SECOND. |
| 418 | ROSS WANTS TO TELL YOU SOMETHING. |
| 419 | WHAT? |
| 420 | YOU SLEPT WITH SOMEONE ELSE? |
| 421 | WE WERE ON A BREAK! |
| 422 | WE WERE... WE... |
| 423 | WHERE ARE YOU? |
| 424 | I'LL FIND YOU. |
| 425 | YOU SLEPT WITH ANOTHER WOMAN. |
| 426 | OH, Y-YOU'RE ONE TO TALK. |
| 427 | OKAY, DONE. |
| 428 | WHAT'S "PLEH?" |
| 429 | THAT'S "HELP" SPELLED BACKWARDS |
| 430 | SO THAT THE HELICOPTERS CAN READ IT FROM THE AIR. |
| 431 | AH... |
| 432 | WHAT'S "DUFUS" SPELLED BACKWARDS? |
| 433 | OH! OH! CAR! CAR! |
| 434 | OHH... |
| 435 | IT'S ROSS ON ONE OF HIS DRIVES! |
| 436 | HEY, HEY! |
| 437 | WHAT IS HE DOING HERE? |
| 438 | HE IS SAVING YOUR BUTT. |
| 439 | UNLESS, OF COURSE, I'M STEPPING ON SOME TOES HERE |
| 440 | IN WHICH CASE I CAN JUST MOSEY ON. |
| 441 | I'VE GOT PLENTY OF PEOPLE TO HELP ON THE INTERSTATE. |
| 442 | ( all talking ) |
| 443 | FINE. FINE. |
| 444 | OH, NO. |
| 445 | NOW IT'S NOT GOING TO MAKE ANY SENSE. |
| 446 | YOU GUYS... |
| 447 | WHAT DO WE DO ABOUT ROSS? |
| 448 | HE DROVE ALL THE WAY UP HERE. |
| 449 | WHAT DO WE DO? |
| 450 | JUST, LIKE, SEND HIM BACK |
| 451 | AND THEN WE'RE GOING TO GO SKIING. |
| 452 | OH, THIS IS HORRIBLE. |
| 453 | IT'S JUST HORRIBLE. |
| 454 | YOU GUYS THINK... |
| 455 | YOU THINK WE SHOULD ASK ROSS TO COME ALONG? |
| 456 | BUT WHAT ABOUT RACHEL? |
| 457 | I MEAN, HOW ARE WE GOING TO EVEN ASK HER? |
| 458 | ASK ME WHAT? |
| 459 | UM... IF, UH, IT MIGHT BE OKAY IF ROSS CAME SKIING. |
| 460 | I WASN'T... |
| 461 | OH, NO, I WASN'T GOING TO ASK THAT. |
| 462 | I WASN'T GOING TO ASK THAT AT ALL. |
| 463 | YOU GUYS ARE UNBELIEVABLE. |
| 464 | NO, HE CANNOT COME. |
| 465 | EXCUSE ME? |
| 466 | "IT'S HORRIBLE." |
| 467 | OH, PLEASE, CAN'T I COME TO YOUR SPECIAL, MAGICAL CABIN? |
| 468 | WHY WOULD YOU EVEN WANT TO COME, ROSS? |
| 469 | YOU'RE A HORRIBLE SKIER. |
| 470 | OH, OH... HITTING ME WHERE IT HURTS-- MY SKI SKILLS. |
| 471 | HERE WE GO AGAIN. |
| 472 | I CAN'T HANDLE THIS, YOU GUYS. |
| 473 | YOU KNOW, I CAN HANDLE IT. |
| 474 | "HANDLE" IS MY MIDDLE NAME. |
| 475 | ACTUALLY, IT'S THE... MIDDLE PART OF MY FIRST NAME. |
| 476 | ALL RIGHT, PHEEBS. |
| 477 | THE CAB'S READY. |
| 478 | ALL RIGHT, LET'S GO. |
| 479 | YOU'RE WELCOME. |
| 480 | OH, I'M SORRY. |
| 481 | WERE YOU SPEAKING TO ME |
| 482 | OR SLEEPING WITH SOMEONE ELSE? |
| 483 | WE WERE ON A BREAK. |
| 484 | YOU KNOW, WHY DON'T YOU JUST PUT THAT |
| 485 | ON YOUR ANSWERING MACHINE? |
| 486 | HEY, IT'S VALID, OKAY? |
| 487 | AND I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO THINKS SO. |
| 488 | MONICA AGREES WITH ME. |
| 489 | WHAT? |
| 490 | I DON'T KNOW. |
| 491 | THAT'S WHAT YOU SAID LAST NIGHT. |
| 492 | WHAT I SAID WAS, WAS THAT I UNDERSTOOD. |
| 493 | JOEY IS THE ONE WHO AGREED WITH YOU. |
| 494 | OKAY. |
| 495 | REALLY, JOEY? |
| 496 | WHAT? |
| 497 | YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 498 | BUT THERE IS NO RIGHT OR WRONG HERE. |
| 499 | NO, I THINK IT'S VERY OBVIOUS WHO'S WRONG HERE. |
| 500 | OBVIOUSLY NOT TO JOEY. |
| 501 | WHAT? |
| 502 | ( all talking at once ) |
| 503 | HEY, GUESS WHO I AM! |
| 504 | ( all resume talking ) |
| 505 | HEY, HEY, HEY! |
| 506 | HEY! |
| 507 | LOOK WHAT YOU'RE DOING TO CHANDLER! |
| 508 | YEAH, LOOK, WE KNOW THAT THIS |
| 509 | IS REALLY, REALLY HARD FOR YOU GUYS, OKAY? |
| 510 | YOU DON'T... |
| 511 | YOU DON'T HAVE TO LOVE EACH OTHER, OKAY? |
| 512 | YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE TO LIKE EACH OTHER MUCH RIGHT NOW |
| 513 | BUT... PLEASE, YOU HAVE TO FIGURE OUT A WAY |
| 514 | TO BE AROUND EACH OTHER. |
| 515 | YEAH, AND NOT PUT US IN THE MIDDLE. |
| 516 | YEAH. OTHERWISE... |
| 517 | I MEAN, THAT'S JUST... |
| 518 | THAT'S IT FOR US HANGING OUT TOGETHER. |
| 519 | YOU KNOW? |
| 520 | IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT? |
| 521 | ( murmuring ) |
| 522 | CAN YOU BE CIVIL? |
| 523 | YEAH. |
| 524 | I CAN. |
| 525 | Phoebe: OKAY. |
| 526 | GOOD. |
| 527 | ALL RIGHT, LET'S GET BACK IN THE CAR |
| 528 | 'CAUSE IT'S FREEZING AND MY CHEST IS UNSUPPORTED. |
| 529 | UH, W-WAIT A SECOND. |
| 530 | I MEAN, WHAT ARE WE DOING? |
| 531 | WHO'S GOING WITH WHO? |
| 532 | LOOK, YOU GUYS SHOULD... YOU GUYS SHOULD GO. |
| 533 | NO, UM... |
| 534 | YOU KNOW, YOU PLANNED THIS ALL OUT |
| 535 | AND... |
| 536 | I DON'T WANT TO RUIN IT SO YOU GUYS SHOULD JUST GO. |
| 537 | COME ON, MAN. |
| 538 | YOU DROVE ALL THE WAY UP HERE. |
| 539 | NO, NO, REALLY. |
| 540 | I'VE GOT TO TAKE THE CAR BACK ANYWAY. |
| 541 | I'M SPENDING ALL DAY TOMORROW WITH BEN. |
| 542 | IT'S FINE, OKAY? |
| 543 | JUST GO. |
| 544 | NO GUILT. I PROMISE. |
| 545 | THANK YOU. |
| 546 | Monica: ALL RIGHT, WE'LL CALL YOU WHEN WE GET BACK. |
| 547 | OKAY. |
| 548 | MAYBE WE CAN GO TO A MOVIE. |
| 549 | OKAY. OKAY. |
| 550 | OR THE RODEO! |
| 551 | THAT'D BE GREAT. |
| 552 | OKAY. |
| 553 | I WAS BEING SHELLY WINTERS FROM THE POSEIDON ADVENTURE. |
| 554 | I KNOW. |
| 555 | ( door closes ) |
| 556 | Monica: BYE! |
| 557 | ( engine doesn't start ) |
| 558 | ( horn honking ) |
| 559 | ( doorbell ringing repeatedly ) |
| 560 | ( exasperated sigh ) |
| 561 | ROSS! |
| 562 | HI. SORRY I'M LATE. |
| 563 | UH, WERE YOU SLEEPING? |
| 564 | UH... NO. |
| 565 | OH, GREAT. I WAS... |
| 566 | SO I HAD TO GET YOU A WHOLE NEW BATTERY. |
| 567 | I GOT YOU THE BEST ONE I COULD |
| 568 | BECAUSE THAT'S NOT WHERE YOU WANT TO SKIMP. |
| 569 | YOU'RE A GENIUS, ROSS. |
| 570 | YEAH, WELL, IT CAME TO |
| 571 | ABOUT $112, BUT WHAT THE HELL |
| 572 | JUST CALL IT AN EVEN 110? |
| 573 | OKAY, I'LL PAY YOU TOMORROW. |
| 574 | OKAY. |
| 575 | BYE. |
| 576 | SO, THEY, UH... |
| 577 | THEY ALL TOOK OFF. |
| 578 | IT WAS PRETTY HARD WATCHING THEM GO, YOU KNOW? |
| 579 | YEAH, OKAY, BYE. |
| 580 | Ross: SO I'M GOING TO TAKE OFF, THEN. |
| 581 | [Captioned by The Caption Center WGBH Educational Foundation] |
| 582 | |
| 1 | ( laughing ) |
| 2 | WHAT'S SO FUNNY? |
| 3 | OH, NOTHING. |
| 4 | NO, IT'S AN ACTING EXERCISE |
| 5 | I'M PRACTICING MY FAKE LAUGH. |
| 6 | OH. |
| 7 | ( laughing ) |
| 8 | WHAT? WHAT'S SO FUNNY? |
| 9 | Gunther: OH, NO, NO. |
| 10 | NO, NO, NO, NO. |
| 11 | THERE'S NONE OF THAT IN HERE. |
| 12 | OH, COME ON, MAN. |
| 13 | AT LEAST LET ME FINISH THIS LAST ONE. |
| 14 | OKAY. BUT ONLY IF YOU GIVE ME A DRAG. |
| 15 | OKAY. |
| 16 | OH... |
| 17 | OH, DARK MOTHER. |
| 18 | ONCE AGAIN I SUCKLE AT YOUR SMOKY TEAT. |
| 19 | NO, NO. |
| 20 | WHY DON'T YOU HOLD ON TO THAT ONE? |
| 21 | ( sighs ) |
| 22 | OKAY, THAT'S LIKE, THE LEAST FUN GAME EVER. |
| 23 | WELL, I'M REALLY SICK OF YOUR SMOKING |
| 24 | SO I BROUGHT SOMETHING |
| 25 | THAT IS GOING TO HELP YOU QUIT. |
| 26 | OH. |
| 27 | NOPE. THAT PATCH IS NO GOOD. |
| 28 | ( fake laughter ) |
| 29 | COME ON, IT'S A HYPNOSIS TAPE. |
| 30 | THIS WOMAN AT WORK USED IT FOR TWO WEEKS STRAIGHT |
| 31 | AND SHE HASN'T SMOKED SINCE. |
| 32 | HUH! |
| 33 | WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM? |
| 34 | NOTHING. IT'S JUST THAT HYPNOSIS IS BEYOND CRAP. |
| 35 | ROSS, I WATCHED YOU GET HYPNOTIZED |
| 36 | IN ATLANTIC CITY. |
| 37 | HEY, THAT GUY DID NOT HYPNOTIZE ME, OKAY? |
| 38 | RIGHT. YOU ALWAYS PULL YOUR PANTS DOWN |
| 39 | ON THE COUNT OF THREE AND PLAY |
| 40 | "WIPE OUT" ON YOUR BUTT CHEEKS. |
| 41 | ALL RIGHT. FORGET HYPNOSIS. |
| 42 | THE WAY TO QUIT SMOKING |
| 43 | IS YOU HAVE TO DANCE NAKED IN A FIELD OF HEATHER |
| 44 | AND THEN BATHE IN THE SWEAT OF SIX HEALTHY YOUNG MEN. |
| 45 | OR WHAT MY FATHER CALLS THURSDAY NIGHT. |
| 46 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 47 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 48 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 49 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 50 | ♪ WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY ♪ |
| 51 | ♪ YOUR WEEK, YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 52 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 53 | ♪ WHEN THE RAIN STARTS TO POUR ♪ |
| 54 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 55 | ♪ LIKE I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE ♪ |
| 56 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 57 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME TOO. ♪ |
| 58 | THANK YOU. |
| 59 | HERE YOU GO. |
| 60 | OH, YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 61 | I DIDN'T WANT CINNAMON ON THIS. |
| 62 | SORRY. |
| 63 | HI. |
| 64 | OH, MY GOD! |
| 65 | HI! |
| 66 | FRANK! HI! |
| 67 | HOW ARE YOU? |
| 68 | WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? |
| 69 | WELL, YOU KNOW |
| 70 | I WOULD HAVE CALLED |
| 71 | BUT I LOST YOUR PHONE NUMBER |
| 72 | AND THEN, MY MOM LOCKED ME OUT OF THE HOUSE |
| 73 | SO I COULDN'T FIND IT |
| 74 | AND THEN, I TRIED TO FIND A PAY PHONE |
| 75 | AND THE RECEIVER WAS CUT OFF, SO... |
| 76 | WELL, WHAT HAPPENED? |
| 77 | UH... OH. |
| 78 | UH, VANDALISM. |
| 79 | BUT ALSO... WHAT HAPPENED BETWEEN YOU AND YOUR MOM? |
| 80 | WELL, WE GOT IN A FIGHT |
| 81 | UH, 'CAUSE SHE SAID I WAS TOO IMMATURE TO GET MARRIED. |
| 82 | YOU'RE GETTING MARRIED?! |
| 83 | OH, YEAH, YEAH. |
| 84 | OH, MY GOD! |
| 85 | MY LITTLE BROTHER'S GETTING MARRIED! |
| 86 | YEAH. |
| 87 | I KNEW YOU'D BE SO COOL ABOUT THIS. |
| 88 | HEY, DO YOU WANT TO MEET HER? |
| 89 | DO I?! |
| 90 | DO YOU? |
| 91 | YEAH, I DO! YEAH! |
| 92 | OKAY, COOL! ALL RIGHT! |
| 93 | SHE'S JUST, UH, PARKING THE TRUCK. |
| 94 | I'M GOING TO... I'M GOING TO GO GET MY, UH... |
| 95 | MY FIANCEE, MAN! |
| 96 | I WOULD HAVE BET GOOD MONEY |
| 97 | THAT HE'D BE THE FIRST ONE OF US TO GET MARRIED. |
| 98 | ISN'T IT FANTASTIC? |
| 99 | YEAH, BUT DON'T YOU THINK |
| 100 | HE'S A LITTLE YOUNG TO GET MARRIED? |
| 101 | WELL, HE'S 18. |
| 102 | IT WILL BE ILLEGAL FOR HIM TO DRINK |
| 103 | AT HIS OWN BACHELOR PARTY. |
| 104 | YEAH, OR TO GET A HOOKER. |
| 105 | ALWAYS ILLEGAL, JOE. |
| 106 | HEY... THIS IS, UH... |
| 107 | MY FIANCEE, MRS. KNIGHT. |
| 108 | ( nervous laugh ) |
| 109 | Frank: THAT'S, UH... THAT'S MY SISTER. |
| 110 | YOU KNOW, IT'S FUNNY. |
| 111 | FRANK'S TOLD ME SO MUCH ABOUT YOU |
| 112 | BUT YOU'RE NOT HOW I PICTURED YOU AT ALL. |
| 113 | YEAH. I'M A BIG SURPRISE. |
| 114 | HERE YOU GO. |
| 115 | OH, THANK YOU. |
| 116 | OH, YEAH. GRAB A SEAT. |
| 117 | SO, UH, HOW DID YOU GUYS MEET? |
| 118 | WELL, UM |
| 119 | I WAS IN MRS. KNIGHTS'... |
| 120 | I MEAN ALICE. SORRY. |
| 121 | ALICE. I ALWAYS DO THAT. |
| 122 | ( nervous laugh ) |
| 123 | YOU KNOW... |
| 124 | I WAS IN HER HOME EC CLASS. |
| 125 | AND HE WAS MY BEST STUDENT. |
| 126 | YEAH, SHE WAS MY BEST TEACHER. |
| 127 | OH! |
| 128 | IF THAT DOESN'T KEEP KIDS IN SCHOOL, WHAT WILL? |
| 129 | AND SO NOW YOU GUYS ARE GOING TO BE MARRIED. |
| 130 | YEAH. YOU KNOW |
| 131 | WE TALKED ABOUT JUST LIVING TOGETHER |
| 132 | BUT, UM... |
| 133 | WE WANT TO HAVE KIDS RIGHT AWAY! |
| 134 | ( Alice laughs ) |
| 135 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 136 | GREAT! |
| 137 | WOW. KIDS. FRANK, ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE READY FOR THAT? |
| 138 | HOW HARD CAN IT BE? |
| 139 | YOU KNOW, I MEAN, YOU KNOW... BABIES. |
| 140 | WHO DOESN'T WANT BABIES, RIGHT? |
| 141 | AND BESIDES, YOU KNOW |
| 142 | I NEVER HAD A DAD AROUND AND NOW I ALWAYS WILL |
| 143 | 'CAUSE, YOU KNOW, IT WILL BE ME, RIGHT? |
| 144 | ( both laugh ) |
| 145 | YOU KNOW, WE DO REALIZE |
| 146 | THAT THERE'S AN AGE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN US. |
| 147 | GOOD, 'CAUSE YOU WERE ACTING LIKE YOU DIDN'T. |
| 148 | OH, NO, BUT WHEN IT COMES TO LOVE |
| 149 | WHAT DOES AGE MATTER? |
| 150 | ( growls ) |
| 151 | ( snarls ) |
| 152 | ( laughs ) |
| 153 | MM... MM... |
| 154 | Woman: You are falling fast asleep. |
| 155 | Deeper... deeper... deeper... |
| 156 | You are now completely asleep. |
| 157 | You don't need to smoke. |
| 158 | Cigarettes don't control you. |
| 159 | You are a strong, confident woman |
| 160 | who does not need to smoke. |
| 161 | A strong, confident woman... |
| 162 | AND YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 163 | IN THE LAST YEAR, I'VE ONLY GONE OUT WITH TWO GUYS: |
| 164 | RICHARD AND JULIO |
| 165 | YOU GOT TO HELP ME OUT. |
| 166 | SET ME UP. GET ME BACK IN THE GAME. |
| 167 | THAT SHOULDN'T BE A PROBLEM. |
| 168 | I MEAN, I WORK IN FASHION, AND ALL I MEET |
| 169 | ARE ELIGIBLE STRAIGHT MEN. |
| 170 | PETE, CAN I GET YOU SOMETHING ELSE? |
| 171 | I'LL HAVE A SLICE OF CHEESECAKE AND A DATE |
| 172 | IF YOU'RE GIVING THEM OUT. |
| 173 | HAVEN'T YOU AND I COVERED THAT TOPIC? |
| 174 | COME ON. YOU JUST SAID TO HER... |
| 175 | YOU ONLY WANT TO GO OUT WITH ME |
| 176 | BECAUSE OF MY WIG AND BOOBS |
| 177 | AND THE FACT THAT I SERVE YOU FOOD. |
| 178 | WELL, IF THAT WERE TRUE, I'D BE DATING |
| 179 | MY AUNT RUTH. |
| 180 | AND THE TWO TIMES WE WENT OUT |
| 181 | IT WAS JUST PLAIN AWKWARD. |
| 182 | YOU THINK SHE SHOULD GO OUT WITH ME, DON'T YOU? |
| 183 | ( laughs ) |
| 184 | WELL, ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO GO OUT WITH HER? |
| 185 | THAT AIN'T A PRETTY PICTURE IN THE MORNING |
| 186 | YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? |
| 187 | THAT WIG |
| 188 | ALL IN DISARRAY AND... |
| 189 | BOOBS FLUNG OVER THE NIGHTSTAND. |
| 190 | OH, YEAH. |
| 191 | I MEAN, REALLY. THINK ABOUT IT. |
| 192 | OH-HO, I WILL. |
| 193 | NO, I KNOW, I KNOW |
| 194 | THAT THIS IS FRANK'S LIFE, YOU KNOW? |
| 195 | I DON'T WANT TO BE ALL JUDGMENTAL |
| 196 | BUT THIS IS SICK. |
| 197 | IT'S SICK AND WRONG! |
| 198 | PHEEBS, WHAT-- IS IT THE AGE THING? |
| 199 | NO, NO. I'M FINE WITH THE AGE THING |
| 200 | UNTIL IT STARTS STICKING ITS TONGUE |
| 201 | DOWN MY LITTLE BROTHER'S THROAT. |
| 202 | PHEEBS, HE SEEMS TO ENJOY IT. |
| 203 | BUT DO YOU THINK HE'S GOING TO ENJOY IT |
| 204 | WHEN HE'S UP TO HIS ELBOWS IN THE DIAPERS |
| 205 | OF ALL THE BABIES |
| 206 | THEY HAVE TO HAVE RIGHT AWAY? |
| 207 | THIS IS NOT FAIR TO FRANK |
| 208 | AND IT'S NOT FAIR TO THE BABIES |
| 209 | AND YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 210 | IT'S NOT GOOD HOME ECONOMICS. |
| 211 | WELL, HAVE YOU TOLD HIM HOW YOU FEEL? |
| 212 | YES. |
| 213 | NOT OUT LOUD. |
| 214 | Ross: LOOK, PHEEBS |
| 215 | IF YOU DON'T TELL HIM |
| 216 | SOON HE'S GOING TO BE MARRIED |
| 217 | AND YOU'RE GOING TO HATE YOURSELF. |
| 218 | YEAH, BUT IF I DO TELL HIM, THEN HE'S GOING TO HATE MYSELF. |
| 219 | I MEAN, LOOK AT HIM AND HIS MOM. |
| 220 | I CAN'T. |
| 221 | BUT YOU GUYS CAN. |
| 222 | PLEASE, YOU GOT TO TALK HIM OUT OF IT. |
| 223 | Both: NO, NO, NO, NO... |
| 224 | COME ON, YOU GUYS! |
| 225 | YOU HAVE... YOU... |
| 226 | YOU HAVE NOTHING TO LOSE. |
| 227 | I HAVE EVERYTHING TO LOSE. |
| 228 | DO YOU WANT ME TO LOSE EVERYTHING? |
| 229 | EVERYTHING? |
| 230 | Both ( softly ): NO. |
| 231 | OKAY. I'M GOING TO GO GET FRANK. |
| 232 | SO, WE'RE WALKING DOWN THE STREET |
| 233 | AND I TURN TO YOU AND I SAY |
| 234 | "HEY! LET'S GO HANG OUT AT TOTALLY NUDE NUDES." |
| 235 | REMEMBER? AND THEN... |
| 236 | AND THEN YOU TURN TO ME AND YOU SAY |
| 237 | "NAH. LET'S JUST HANG OUT AT YOUR PLACE." |
| 238 | WELL, THAT WAS A NICE MOVE, DUMB ASS. |
| 239 | I THINK YOU SHOULD DEFINITELY GO OUT WITH THIS GUY. |
| 240 | NAH. HE JUST DOESN'T DO ANYTHING FOR ME. |
| 241 | MONICA, LAST SATURDAY NIGHT |
| 242 | WHAT HAPPENED ON WALKER, TEXAS RANGER? |
| 243 | WELL, WALKER WAS LOOKING FOR THIS BIG BUSLOAD OF KIDS... |
| 244 | HE WAS... |
| 245 | ALL RIGHT. I GET YOUR POINT. |
| 246 | AM I RIGHT? |
| 247 | HI. |
| 248 | Monica: HEY. |
| 249 | YOU KNOW, I FORGOT THE COMBINATION TO THIS |
| 250 | ABOUT A YEAR AGO. |
| 251 | I JUST CARRY IT AROUND. |
| 252 | YOU GOT ANY CHAP STICK? |
| 253 | UH, YEAH. |
| 254 | HOW ARE THOSE TAPES WORKING OUT? |
| 255 | PRETTY GOOD. GOOD! |
| 256 | I HAVEN'T SMOKED YET TODAY. |
| 257 | I FEEL GREAT AND CONFIDENT... |
| 258 | THAT IS A STUNNING BLOUSE. |
| 259 | THANK YOU. |
| 260 | HERE YOU GO. |
| 261 | THANKS. |
| 262 | HEY, MON. |
| 263 | LET'S GIVE PETE A CHANCE. |
| 264 | COME ON. HE WAS FUNNY. |
| 265 | HE SEEMS REALLY NICE |
| 266 | AND THAT CHECK THING WAS ADORABLE. |
| 267 | WHAT CHECK THING? |
| 268 | AS A JOKE, THIS CUSTOMER AT WORK |
| 269 | WHO HAS A CRUSH ON ME GAVE ME A $20,000 TIP. |
| 270 | HIS NUMBER'S ON THE CHECK. |
| 271 | HE JUST DID IT SO I'D CALL. |
| 272 | PETE BECKER. |
| 273 | PETE... |
| 274 | IS THIS HIM? |
| 275 | THAT'S BILL CLINTON. |
| 276 | WHO IS HE HUGGING? |
| 277 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 278 | THAT'S PETE! |
| 279 | WHY IS BILL HUGGING PETE? |
| 280 | THIS GUY INVENTED MOSS 865. |
| 281 | EVERY OFFICE IN THE WORLD USES THAT PROGRAM. |
| 282 | WE USE IT! |
| 283 | THERE YOU GO. |
| 284 | OH, MY GOD. MONICA'S GOING TO GO OUT |
| 285 | WITH A MILLIONAIRE. |
| 286 | NO. I'M NOT GOING TO GO OUT WITH HIM. |
| 287 | MY GOD. I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS IS A REAL $20,000 CHECK. |
| 288 | THIS IS JUST SO EXCITING. |
| 289 | OR INCREDIBLY OFFENSIVE. |
| 290 | WELL, YEAH. SURE, THAT, TOO. |
| 291 | WHAT? |
| 292 | ALL WE'RE SAYING IS DON'T RUSH INTO ANYTHING. |
| 293 | YEAH. COME ON, THINK ABOUT IT. |
| 294 | YOU'RE 18, OKAY? |
| 295 | SHE'S 44. |
| 296 | WHEN YOU'RE 36, SHE'S GOING TO BE 88. |
| 297 | WHAT, YOU DON'T THINK I KNOW THAT? |
| 298 | LOOK, THE POINT IS |
| 299 | THERE'S A LOT OF WOMEN OUT THERE |
| 300 | YOU HAVEN'T EVEN HAD SEX WITH YET. |
| 301 | YEAH. HE'S RIGHT. HE'S RIGHT. |
| 302 | THIS IS YOUR TIME, YOU KNOW? |
| 303 | YOU'RE YOUNG, YOU'RE WEIRD... |
| 304 | CHICKS DIG THAT. |
| 305 | OKAY, BUT ISN'T SEX BETTER |
| 306 | WHEN IT'S WITH ONE PERSON THAT YOU REALLY, REALLY CARE ABOUT? |
| 307 | YEAH, IN A POEM, MAYBE. |
| 308 | NO, THE MAN'S RIGHT. |
| 309 | THAT'S WHAT I HAD WITH RACHEL. |
| 310 | YOU DON'T HAVE IT ANYMORE? |
| 311 | NO, I UH... |
| 312 | I SLEPT WITH SOMEONE ELSE. |
| 313 | OKAY, SO WAIT. ALL RIGHT. |
| 314 | SO HOW DID THAT MAKE THINGS BETTER? |
| 315 | IT DIDN'T. |
| 316 | OKAY, SO WHAT YOU USED TO HAVE WITH RACHEL |
| 317 | IS WHAT I GOT WITH ALICE. |
| 318 | WHAT IS THAT LIKE? |
| 319 | IT'S SO COOL, MAN. |
| 320 | IT'S 'CAUSE BEING WITH HER |
| 321 | IS SO MUCH BETTER THAN, LIKE... NOT BEING WITH HER. |
| 322 | YEAH, YEAH. |
| 323 | WHY CAN'T I FIND THAT? |
| 324 | DON'T ASK ME. |
| 325 | I HAD IT AND I BLEW IT. |
| 326 | WELL, I WANT IT! |
| 327 | YOU CAN HAVE IT! |
| 328 | MAYBE I CAN'T. |
| 329 | MAYBE THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME. |
| 330 | NO, IT'S OUT THERE, MAN. |
| 331 | I'VE SEEN IT. |
| 332 | I GOT IT. |
| 333 | THEN YOU HOLD ON TO IT! |
| 334 | ALL RIGHT, MAN! |
| 335 | ALL RIGHT, CONGRATULATIONS! |
| 336 | YOU LUCKY BASTARD! |
| 337 | YOUR FRANK'S BEST MAN?! |
| 338 | I COULDN'T HELP IT. |
| 339 | THEIR LOVE IS SO PURE. |
| 340 | WELL, WHAT ABOUT YOU, HUH? |
| 341 | I'M THE RING BEARER. |
| 342 | ( knocking ) |
| 343 | OH, ALICE, HI. |
| 344 | I'M SO GLAD YOU COULD COME. |
| 345 | I GOT A REAL HOME EC EMERGENCY. |
| 346 | OH, MY GOD. WHO DIED ON THIS? |
| 347 | YEAH, YEAH, I KNOW. |
| 348 | IT'S A REAL MUSTARD-TASTROPHE. |
| 349 | ( laughing ) |
| 350 | CAN YOU HELP ME? |
| 351 | ABSOLUTELY. |
| 352 | FIRST WE'LL START WITH A LITTLE CLUB SODA AND SALT. |
| 353 | IF THAT DOESN'T WORK, THEN WE CAN GO BACK TO... |
| 354 | FORGET IT. IT'S RUINED. |
| 355 | OH, NO, NEVER SAY THAT. |
| 356 | IF YOU CAN'T GET IT OUT, YOU CAN CUT AROUND THE STAIN |
| 357 | ADD A LITTLE LACE, YOU MAKE A STYLISH THROW. |
| 358 | OR INSTEAD, MAYBE YOU COULD JUST NOT |
| 359 | MARRY MY BROTHER FRANK. |
| 360 | OKAY, THAT'S GREAT, BUT COULD WE MAKE IT SMALLER? |
| 361 | CAN WE MAKE IT FIT ON THE HEAD OF A PIN? |
| 362 | I LOVE WHEN WE MAKE THINGS FIT ON THE HEAD OF A PIN. |
| 363 | ( intercom buzzes ) |
| 364 | You have a Ms. Monica Geller here. |
| 365 | UH, ABSOLUTELY, YEAH. |
| 366 | SEND HER IN. |
| 367 | WHAT THE HELL IS THIS? |
| 368 | HANG ON FOR A SEC. |
| 369 | I'LL TALK TO YOU IN THE MORNING? |
| 370 | You got it. |
| 371 | I'M SORRY. WHAT? |
| 372 | SERIOUSLY-- WHAT IS THIS SUPPOSED TO MEAN? |
| 373 | WELL, YOU KNOW-- I NEVER KNOW HOW MUCH TO TIP. |
| 374 | YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO DOUBLE THE TAX... |
| 375 | NOT DOUBLE THE TAX OF ROMANIA. |
| 376 | WHAT'S THE DEAL? |
| 377 | ARE YOU TRYING TO BUY ME? |
| 378 | IS THIS THE WAY YOU GET GIRLS TO GO OUT WITH YOU? |
| 379 | Uh... I'm still here. |
| 380 | YOU'RE TAKING THIS ALL WRONG, BECAUSE IF |
| 381 | I DIDN'T LEAVE YOU THAT TIP, YOU WOULDN'T HAVE COME DOWN HERE |
| 382 | WE WOULDN'T BE HAVING THIS ARGUMENT |
| 383 | AND THERE WOULDN'T BE THIS HEAT BETWEEN US. |
| 384 | WHAT? |
| 385 | COME ON, YOU GOT TO, UH, ADMIT |
| 386 | THAT OUR RELATIONSHIP IS HITTING A NEW LEVEL NOW |
| 387 | 'CAUSE YOU USED TO BE, LIKE, THE CHEF |
| 388 | AND I WAS THE CUSTOMER |
| 389 | BUT NOW WE'RE LIKE THIS-THIS COUPLE THAT FIGHTS. |
| 390 | OKAY, UM, YOU'RE A LOON, YOU KNOW? |
| 391 | LOOK, FORGET THE CHECK, OKAY? |
| 392 | I LIKE YOU. |
| 393 | I THINK YOU'RE GREAT. |
| 394 | COME ON, WHAT DO YOU SAY? |
| 395 | I DON'T KNOW... |
| 396 | WHY NOT? |
| 397 | 'CAUSE I DON'T WANT TO ENCOURAGE THIS KIND OF BEHAVIOR. |
| 398 | ONE MEAL? |
| 399 | THAT'S ALL I'M ASKING FOR. |
| 400 | PLEASE? |
| 401 | WE GO OUT, WE EAT |
| 402 | AND IF YOU DON'T HAVE A GOOD TIME |
| 403 | I GIVE YOU TEN GRAND, WE CALL IT EVEN. |
| 404 | HI... |
| 405 | ( screaming ) |
| 406 | GOD! NO! |
| 407 | WAIT. JUST PUT THE MAIL DOWN. |
| 408 | IT'S ME. |
| 409 | OKAY. SORRY. |
| 410 | WHY WERE YOU JUST, LIKE, ALL IN THE DARK? |
| 411 | OH, WELL, UM, YOUR-YOUR LAUNDRY SMELLED SO GOOD |
| 412 | THAT I THOUGHT I'D CURL UP IN IT. |
| 413 | IS THAT ALL RIGHT? |
| 414 | OH, YEAH. SURE. |
| 415 | SO, HOW WAS YOUR DAY? |
| 416 | WELL, JUST PROBABLY THE WORST ONE |
| 417 | SINCE I'VE BEEN ALIVE. |
| 418 | WHAT, UM, WHAT HAPPENED? |
| 419 | UM... |
| 420 | ALICE, UH... |
| 421 | SHE, UH... |
| 422 | CALLED IT OFF. |
| 423 | OH, NO. |
| 424 | DID, UM, DID SHE SAY WHY? |
| 425 | UH, NO, NOT REALLY. |
| 426 | JUST THAT I WAS TOO YOUNG. |
| 427 | BUT I DON'T SEE HOW I COULD ALL OF A SUDDEN BE TOO YOUNG |
| 428 | 'CAUSE I'M OLDER THAN I WAS WHEN WE FIRST GOT TOGETHER. |
| 429 | YEAH, YEAH. |
| 430 | NO, I DON'T... |
| 431 | I DON'T KNOW. |
| 432 | BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 433 | MAYBE IT'S JUST ALL FOR THE BEST. |
| 434 | YEAH, IF... THE BEST IS, LIKE, UNBELIEVABLE PAIN. |
| 435 | OH, SWEETIE... |
| 436 | OH... |
| 437 | YOU KNOW, I WAS JUST FINALLY HAPPY, YOU KNOW? |
| 438 | FOR WAS THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE... |
| 439 | AFTER MY DAD LEFT ME... |
| 440 | AND THEN... AND THEN... |
| 441 | GETTING ARRESTED FOR STEALING THOSE BIRDS... |
| 442 | AND THEN THE... |
| 443 | AND THEN THE... WHOLE PUNCTURED LUNG THING... |
| 444 | I CAN ST... IT'S STILL REALLY HARD |
| 445 | TO TAKE DEEP BREATHS IN COLD WEATHER |
| 446 | BUT WITH ALICE, ALL THAT STUFF KIND OF WENT AWAY. |
| 447 | AND NOW IT'S... |
| 448 | NOW IT'S GONE, AND I DON'T KNOW WHY! |
| 449 | UH, WELL, I CAN TELL YOU WHY. |
| 450 | IT'S-IT'S BECAUSE OF ME. |
| 451 | BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 452 | I ONLY DID IT BECAUSE I LOVE YOU, OKAY? |
| 453 | WHAT? |
| 454 | UM... WELL, I... |
| 455 | I KIND OF HAD A LITTLE CHAT WITH ALICE |
| 456 | AND I SORT OF MADE HER SEE WHY YOU TWO SHOULDN'T BE TOGETHER. |
| 457 | YOU'RE GOING TO SEE IT, TOO, ONE DAY. |
| 458 | YOU REALLY, REALLY WILL. |
| 459 | WAIT A MINUTE. WAIT. |
| 460 | THIS IS BECAUSE OF YOU? |
| 461 | OKAY... |
| 462 | WAIT, NO. |
| 463 | MY MOTHER DIDN'T WANT US TO BE TOGETHER |
| 464 | BUT THE WORST THING SHE EVER DID |
| 465 | WAS TIE ME TO THE PORCH. |
| 466 | OKAY, BUT... |
| 467 | WAIT, YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 468 | I-I CAME TO YOU |
| 469 | 'CAUSE I THOUGHT YOU'D UNDERSTAND! |
| 470 | OH, NO, I... |
| 471 | YOU KNOW? OH... |
| 472 | I WOULD STORM OUT OF HERE RIGHT NOW |
| 473 | IF I HAD SOME MONEY OR A PLACE TO GO. |
| 474 | ( doorbell rings ) |
| 475 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 476 | THE MILLIONAIRE'S HERE... |
| 477 | OH, MY GOD! |
| 478 | YOU GUYS, PLEASE? |
| 479 | I'M JUST HAVING DINNER WITH HIM. |
| 480 | OKAY, OKAY, JUST BECAUSE HE BUYS YOU DINNER |
| 481 | DOES NOT MEAN YOU OWE HIM ANYTHING. |
| 482 | I KNOW. |
| 483 | OKAY, THEN GET THE LOBSTER. |
| 484 | HEY. HI. |
| 485 | HI. HI. |
| 486 | HEY, HOW MUCH CASH YOU GOT |
| 487 | IN YOUR POCKET RIGHT NOW? |
| 488 | AND THAT'S WHY I'M NOT INVITING YOU IN FOR A DRINK. |
| 489 | BYE! |
| 490 | WHY NOT? WAIT! |
| 491 | WHY NOT A DRINK? |
| 492 | WHERE DO YOU WANT TO GO? |
| 493 | WELL, YOU LIKE PIZZA? |
| 494 | OH... THAT SOUNDS GREAT. |
| 495 | I KNOW A GREAT LITTLE PLACE. |
| 496 | HEY, YOU'RE NOT PAYING FOR THE PIZZA. |
| 497 | OH, COME ON, IT'S ONLY FAIR. |
| 498 | YOU PAID FOR THE FLIGHT. |
| 499 | NOW, IS THAT ENOUGH LIRA? |
| 500 | UH, I'D THROW ANOTHER THOUSAND ON THERE. |
| 501 | WELL, HOW MUCH IS THAT? |
| 502 | THAT'S ABOUT 60 CENTS. |
| 503 | OH! |
| 504 | OOH... |
| 505 | ( groaning ): EVERY NIGHT..! |
| 506 | Woman: You don't need to smoke. |
| 507 | Cigarettes don't control you. |
| 508 | You're a strong, confident woman |
| 509 | who does not need to smoke. |
| 510 | A strong, confident woman who does not need to smoke. |
| 511 | HEY, FRANK. |
| 512 | LOOK, OKAY, I KNOW THAT YOU THINK |
| 513 | I DID THIS, LIKE, TOTALLY EVIL THING, BUT I SO DIDN'T. |
| 514 | THERE'S SOMEONE HERE WHO I THINK |
| 515 | COULD EXPLAIN THIS BETTER THAN I CAN. |
| 516 | HI, FRANK. |
| 517 | HI... |
| 518 | MRS. KNIGHT. |
| 519 | PHOEBE'S RIGHT, FRANK. |
| 520 | I KNOW IT'S HARD TO HEAR |
| 521 | BUT IT WOULD HAVE BEEN WRONG TO GO THROUGH WITH IT. |
| 522 | I WAS BEING SELFISH. |
| 523 | EVEN THOUGH WE WANT |
| 524 | THE SAME THINGS RIGHT NOW |
| 525 | IN THE FUTURE... |
| 526 | WE MAY NOT. |
| 527 | IS THAT IT? IS THAT WHAT IT IS? |
| 528 | YES, BUT NOT JUST THAT. |
| 529 | RIGHT. NOT JUST THAT... |
| 530 | UM... |
| 531 | EVEN THOUGH... |
| 532 | WE LOVE EACH OTHER AS MUCH AS WE DO |
| 533 | NONETHELESS... |
| 534 | NONETHELESS... |
| 535 | NONETHELESS... |
| 536 | UM... |
| 537 | YOU'RE TOO YOUNG TO... |
| 538 | TO REALLY KNOW WHAT |
| 539 | YOU WANT... |
| 540 | ALL RIGHT, EXACTLY. |
| 541 | ALL RIGHT, IT'S A GOOD-BYE KISS. |
| 542 | THAT'S GOOD. |
| 543 | BYE-BYE. |
| 544 | OKAY, NO, THE IMPORTANT THING IS IS THAT YOU SEE WHAT I'M SAYING. |
| 545 | YOU KNOW, JUST, YOU KNOW... |
| 546 | THIS IS CLEARLY WRONG. |
| 547 | OKAY, I'VE DECIDED I'M GOING TO LET THIS HAPPEN. |
| 548 | OKAY, CAN I JUST GET MY PURSE? |
| 549 | MMM... |
| 550 | OKAY. ALL RIGHT. GOOD. |
| 551 | BYE. |
| 552 | Woman: Cigarettes don't control you. |
| 553 | You're a strong, confident woman |
| 554 | who does not need to smoke. |
| 555 | ( click ) |
| 556 | ( rustling sounds ) |
| 557 | Joey: Joey's your best friend. |
| 558 | You want to make him a cheese sandwich every day. |
| 559 | Ooh, ooh... |
| 560 | And you also want to buy him |
| 561 | hundreds of dollars worth of pants. |
| 562 | [Captioned by The Caption Center WGBH Educational Foundation] |
| 563 | |
| 1 | HERE YOU GO. |
| 2 | THANK YOU. |
| 3 | SAY, RACHEL, I WAS WONDERING |
| 4 | IF YOU'D LIKE TO GO TO A MOVIE WITH ME SOMETIME... |
| 5 | AS MY LOVER. |
| 6 | HMM, TOO OUT THERE. |
| 7 | MAYBE YOU'D JUST LIKE TO GET SOMETHING TO EAT WITH ME SOMETIME... |
| 8 | AS MY LOVER. |
| 9 | HI. HI. |
| 10 | ALL RIGHT. LET'S GO SHOPPING. |
| 11 | YOU KNOW, BEFORE WE GO, THERE'S SOMETHING I NEED TO SAY. |
| 12 | OH, OKAY. |
| 13 | I'VE KIND OF HAD THIS, UH... |
| 14 | THIS CRUSH ON YOU |
| 15 | BUT SINCE YOU WERE WITH ROSS I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT |
| 16 | BUT NOW THAT YOU'RE NOT |
| 17 | I'D REALLY LIKE TO ASK YOU OUT SOMETIME |
| 18 | SO, THAT'S-THAT'S WHAT I'M DOING... |
| 19 | NOW. |
| 20 | WOW. UM... |
| 21 | ( loud crashing ) |
| 22 | ( even louder crashing ) |
| 23 | I DROPPED A CUP. |
| 24 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 25 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 26 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 27 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 28 | ♪ WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY ♪ |
| 29 | ♪ YOUR WEEK, YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 30 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 31 | ♪ WHEN THE RAIN STARTS TO POUR ♪ |
| 32 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 33 | ♪ LIKE I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE ♪ |
| 34 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 35 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME TOO. ♪ |
| 36 | ...THAT'S WHY WITHIN A FEW YEARS |
| 37 | VOICE RECOGNITION IS GOING TO BE PRETTY MUCH STANDARD |
| 38 | ON ANY COMPUTER YOU BUY. |
| 39 | SO YOU CAN BE LIKE, "WASH MY CAR," "CLEAN MY ROOM." |
| 40 | IT'S NOT GOING TO BE ABLE TO DO ANY OF THOSE THINGS |
| 41 | BUT IT WILL UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU'RE SAYING. |
| 42 | OH, THIS IS SO GREAT. |
| 43 | YEAH, IT WAS. |
| 44 | ALL RIGHT, THEN. |
| 45 | BYE. |
| 46 | HELLO, PEOPLE WHO DO NOT LIVE HERE. |
| 47 | HI. HELLO. |
| 48 | I GAVE YOU A KEY FOR EMERGENCIES. |
| 49 | WE WERE OUT OF DORITOS. |
| 50 | Ross: HEY, HOW'D THE DATE GO WITH MR. MILLIONAIRE? |
| 51 | "MR. MILLIONAIRE, NEW FROM SNOOTY PLAYTHINGS. |
| 52 | THIRD WIFE SOLD SEPARATELY." |
| 53 | HE'S GREAT. |
| 54 | WE HAVE SUCH A GOOD TIME TOGETHER. |
| 55 | HE'S SO FUNNY AND SO SWEET |
| 56 | AND I'M NOT ATTRACTED TO HIM AT ALL. |
| 57 | STILL? NO! |
| 58 | IT'S DRIVING ME CRAZY. |
| 59 | IN EVERY OTHER WAY, HE'S LIKE THE PERFECT GUY. |
| 60 | HE HAS EVERYTHING. |
| 61 | PLUS, HE ACTUALLY HAS EVERYTHING. |
| 62 | LIFE-SIZED IMPERIAL STORM TROOPERS FROM SHARPER IMAGE? |
| 63 | TWO. |
| 64 | WOW. CAN JOEY AND I PUT THEM ON AND FIGHT? |
| 65 | OH, MOMMY! |
| 66 | OH, DADDY! |
| 67 | I AM A BIG OLD BADDY! |
| 68 | OH, MOMMY! OH, DADDY! |
| 69 | I AM A BIG OLD BADDY! |
| 70 | I GUESS HE MUST HAVE GOTTEN THE PART IN THAT PLAY. |
| 71 | EITHER THAT OR GLORIA ESTEFAN WAS RIGHT. |
| 72 | EVENTUALLY, THE RHYTHM IS GOING TO GET YOU. |
| 73 | JOE, HOW'S IT GOING? |
| 74 | GOOD. |
| 75 | HEY. HI. |
| 76 | OH, SO YOU'RE PLAYING ADRIENNE, HUH? |
| 77 | YES. ARE YOU ONE OF THE RETARDED COUSINS? |
| 78 | NO, NO. I'M PLAYING YOUR HUSBAND, VICTOR. I'M JOEY TRIBBIANI. |
| 79 | HI. NICE TO MEET YOU. |
| 80 | KATE MILLER. |
| 81 | SO, THE PLAY'S PRETTY GREAT, HUH? |
| 82 | OH, YEAH. I LOVE JENNIFER BANBERRY'S WORK. |
| 83 | SHE'S SO BRILLIANTLY INCISIVE WHEN IT COMES TO DECONSTRUCTING |
| 84 | THE PSYCHE OF THE AMERICAN MIDDLE CLASS. |
| 85 | FORGET ABOUT IT. |
| 86 | SHE ROCKS. |
| 87 | WHERE DO I KNOW YOU FROM? |
| 88 | DR. DRAKE RAMORAY? |
| 89 | DAYS OF OUR LIVES? |
| 90 | VOTED MOST DATEABLE NEUROSURGEON BY TEEN BEAT? |
| 91 | NO, THAT'S NOT IT. |
| 92 | SO, YOU'RE A SOAP ACTOR. |
| 93 | IT MUST BE PRETTY EXCITING FOR YOU |
| 94 | BEING IN A REAL PLAY. |
| 95 | HEY, I'VE DONE PLAYS BEFORE. |
| 96 | I'M A SERIOUS ACTOR. |
| 97 | THAT INFOMERCIAL... |
| 98 | FOR THE MILK CARTON SPOUT THING. |
| 99 | YOU'RE THE GUY WHO DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO POUR MILK. |
| 100 | SEE, I ACTUALLY CAN POUR MILK |
| 101 | BUT I GOT YOU BELIEVING THAT I COULDN'T. |
| 102 | NOW, SEE, THAT'S ACTING. |
| 103 | RIGHT, AND AT THE END, YOU CHOKED ON A COOKIE. |
| 104 | YEAH. THAT WAS REAL. |
| 105 | WOW. I CANNOT BELIEVE MARK ASKED YOU OUT. I KNOW. |
| 106 | SO WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO TELL HIM? |
| 107 | WELL, I TOLD HIM I WOULD THINK ABOUT IT |
| 108 | BUT I'M GOING TO TELL HIM NO. |
| 109 | Phoebe: HUH. |
| 110 | I THINK I'D SAY NO TO ANYBODY RIGHT NOW. |
| 111 | OH, BUT IT WAS SO STRANGE. |
| 112 | I MEAN, I'M STANDING THERE |
| 113 | WITH THIS CHARMING, CUTE GUY |
| 114 | WHO'S ASKING ME TO GO OUT WITH HIM-- |
| 115 | WHICH I AM ALLOWED TO DO-- |
| 116 | AND I FELT GUILTY, YOU KNOW |
| 117 | LIKE I'D BE CHEATING ON ROSS OR SOMETHING. |
| 118 | WOW. SO, OKAY |
| 119 | MAYBE THAT MEANS THAT YOU'RE NOT OVER ROSS YET |
| 120 | AND YOU HAVE ISSUES WITH YOUR FATHER. |
| 121 | I DON'T HAVE ANY ISSUES WITH MY FATHER. |
| 122 | SO IT'S PROBABLY JUST THE ROSS THING THEN. |
| 123 | I HATE THIS WOMAN. I HATE HER! |
| 124 | SHE TOLD EVERYONE IN THE COMPANY |
| 125 | ABOUT THAT INFOMERCIAL |
| 126 | AND NOW THEY ALL KEEP ASKING ME |
| 127 | TO OPEN THEIR DRINKS, OKAY |
| 128 | AND WHENEVER I CAN'T DO IT |
| 129 | THEY'RE ALL, LIKE... LIKE LAUGHING AT ME. |
| 130 | HELLO. |
| 131 | HEY! |
| 132 | SO RACHEL CALLED. |
| 133 | WANTS TO SEE ME. |
| 134 | GOING OVER IN A MINUTE. |
| 135 | WOW. WHAT DO YOU THINK SHE WANTS? |
| 136 | WELL, MAYBE THE CRAZY FOG HAS LIFTED |
| 137 | AND SHE REALIZES THAT LIFE WITHOUT ME SUCKS. |
| 138 | IT'S POSSIBLE. YOU ARE VERY LOVEABLE. |
| 139 | I'D MISS YOU IF I BROKE UP WITH YOU. |
| 140 | I'M JUST TRYING TO BE SUPPORTIVE. |
| 141 | WELL, BE SUPPORTIVE LIKE A GUY. |
| 142 | ( deep voice ): IF I BROKE UP WITH YOU, I'D MISS YOU. |
| 143 | HI. |
| 144 | HI. |
| 145 | YOU, UH... WANTED TO SEE ME? |
| 146 | YEAH. |
| 147 | UH, HERE'S A BOX OF YOUR STUFF. |
| 148 | WHAT? YOU KNOW, IT'S JUST, LIKE, HATS AND SHIRT AND CDs. |
| 149 | JUST SORT OF STUFF THAT YOU'VE LEFT HERE. |
| 150 | WHAT ARE YOU DOING? |
| 151 | ARE YOU TRYING TO HURT ME OR SOMETHING? |
| 152 | NO. |
| 153 | ROSS, IT... |
| 154 | IT JUST SEEMS THAT, YOU KNOW |
| 155 | IT'S TIME WE MOVE ON. |
| 156 | I MEAN, DON'T YOU THINK? |
| 157 | YES. |
| 158 | YEAH. |
| 159 | YES, I DO. |
| 160 | GOOD. |
| 161 | YEAH, I-I REALLY DO. |
| 162 | HEY! THIS... THIS WAS A GIFT. |
| 163 | ROSS, YOU GOT THAT FOR FREE FROM THE MUSEUM GIFT SHOP. |
| 164 | IT'S STILL A GIFT. |
| 165 | I GOT IF FROM THE GIFT SHOP. |
| 166 | OKAY. ALL RIGHT. GIVE ME THE MUG. I'LL KEEP THE MUG. |
| 167 | NO! YOU KNOW, DON'T DO ME ANY FAVORS. |
| 168 | IN FACT, WHERE... |
| 169 | WHERE'S THE REST OF MY STUFF? |
| 170 | LIKE, LIKE... |
| 171 | MY, UM... HEY! |
| 172 | THIS BOOK IS MINE! |
| 173 | AND-AND-AND AND THAT T-SHIRT YOU SLEEP IN, I'D LIKE THAT BACK, TOO. |
| 174 | YES, I DO. |
| 175 | YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE THAT T-SHIRT. |
| 176 | YOU NEVER EVEN WEAR THAT T-SHIRT. |
| 177 | I'M JUST TRYING TO HELP YOU MOVE ON. |
| 178 | OH, YOU ARE A PETTY MAN. |
| 179 | YOU ARE A PETTY, PETTY... PETTY, PETTY... PETTY, SMALL... |
| 180 | SMALL... |
| 181 | YOU ARE SO JUST DOING THIS OUT OF SPITE. |
| 182 | UH-UH. NO, NO, NO. |
| 183 | I'M GOING TO WEAR THIS ALL THE TIME. I LOVE THIS SHIRT. |
| 184 | YOU HAVE NOT WORN THAT SINCE YOU WERE 15. |
| 185 | IT DOESN'T EVEN FIT YOU ANYMORE. |
| 186 | OH, YEAH, YEAH. |
| 187 | ( deep voice ): YEAH, YEAH. |
| 188 | OH, OKAY, OKAY. |
| 189 | NOW, IF YOU DON'T MIND I'M GOING TO TAKE THE REST OF MY STUFF |
| 190 | AND RELAX |
| 191 | IN MY FAVORITE SHIRT. |
| 192 | YOU HAVE A PLEASANT EVENING. |
| 193 | SO, YOU'RE LIKE A ZILLIONAIRE. |
| 194 | AND YOU'RE OUR AGE. YOU'RE OUR AGE. |
| 195 | YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 196 | YOU SHOULD BUY A STATE |
| 197 | AND THEN NAME IT AFTER YOURSELF. |
| 198 | LIKE PETE DAKOTA. |
| 199 | ( laughing ) |
| 200 | OR MISSISSIPETE. |
| 201 | OH, OH, I GOT IT. PETE CHICAGO. |
| 202 | THAT'S NOT A STATE, JOE. |
| 203 | OH, AND MISSISSIPETE IS? |
| 204 | I GOT TO GO. |
| 205 | SO, I'LL SEE YOU GUYS LATER. |
| 206 | All: OKAY. |
| 207 | YOU'RE OUR AGE. |
| 208 | SO, WE ON FOR TOMORROW? ABSOLUTELY. |
| 209 | NOW GET OUT OF HERE, YOU. |
| 210 | OKAY, I'M RUNNING OUT OF PLACES I CAN TOUCH HIM. |
| 211 | I MEAN, IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME? |
| 212 | WHY AM I ONLY ATTRACTED TO GUYS WHERE THERE'S NO FUTURE? |
| 213 | EITHER THEY'RE TOO OLD OR THEY'RE TOO YOUNG |
| 214 | AND THEN THERE'S PETE WHO'S... HE'S CRAZY ABOUT ME |
| 215 | AND HE'S ABSOLUTELY PERFECT AND THERE'S LIKE ZIP GOING ON. |
| 216 | DOES IT SOUND LIKE THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME? |
| 217 | YEAH. KIND OF. |
| 218 | HAPPY? IS THAT WHAT I'M SUPPOSED TO BE, VIC? HAPPY? |
| 219 | WHY DON'T YOU TELL ME WHAT YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE, HUH? |
| 220 | BECAUSE I SURE AS HELL CAN'T FIGURE IT OUT. |
| 221 | I TALK TO YOU AND NOTHING. |
| 222 | YOU LOOK AT ME AND IT'S NOTHING. |
| 223 | NOTHING. |
| 224 | MMM, TASTY. |
| 225 | I'M REALLY STARTING TO FEEL LIKE YOU GUYS HAVE A HISTORY. IT'S NICE. |
| 226 | I HAVE A QUESTION ABOUT THIS SCENE. |
| 227 | YES. WELL, I DON'T UNDERSTAND |
| 228 | WHY ADRIENNE'S ATTRACTED TO VICTOR. |
| 229 | PEEL THE ONION. |
| 230 | FIRST OF ALL, HE'S GOOD-LOOKING. |
| 231 | YEAH. |
| 232 | I THINK MY CHARACTER'S GOING TO NEED |
| 233 | A LITTLE BIT MORE OF A REASON THAN THAT. |
| 234 | HOW ABOUT THIS ONE-- |
| 235 | UH, IT SAYS SO IN THE SCRIPT! |
| 236 | YOU KNOW, I DON'T KNOW |
| 237 | WHY MY CHARACTER LIKES YOU EITHER. |
| 238 | I MEAN, IT SAYS IN THE SCRIPT HERE |
| 239 | THAT YOU'RE A BITCH. |
| 240 | IT DOESN'T SAY THAT IN THE SCRIPT. |
| 241 | IT DOES IN MINE. |
| 242 | Chandler: I CAN BLOW DRY IT. |
| 243 | I CAN PUT GEL ON IT. IT DOESN'T MATTER. |
| 244 | I STILL WIND UP WITH THIS LITTLE COWLICKY THING |
| 245 | ON THE MIDDLE PART OF MY HEAD. |
| 246 | IT'S SO ANNOYING. |
| 247 | DOES IT BUG YOU? YOU BUG ME. |
| 248 | IS THERE ANY CHANCE YOU DIDN'T SEE THAT? |
| 249 | ROSS, YOU GOT TO STOP, OKAY? |
| 250 | YOU CAN'T JUST STARE THROUGH THE PEEPHOLE FOR THREE HOURS. |
| 251 | YOU'RE GOING TO GET PEEP EYE. |
| 252 | I KNEW IT. I KNEW IT. |
| 253 | I ALWAYS KNEW SHE LIKED HIM. |
| 254 | SHE'D SAY NO, BUT HERE WE ARE, RIGHT? |
| 255 | WE JUST BROKE UP, FIRST THING SHE DOES... |
| 256 | YOU DIDN'T JUST BREAK UP. |
| 257 | HEY, IT'S BEEN, LIKE, THREE WEEKS. |
| 258 | YOU SLEPT WITH SOMEBODY |
| 259 | THREE HOURS AFTER YOU THOUGHT YOU BROKE UP. |
| 260 | I MEAN, BULLETS HAVE LEFT GUNS SLOWER. |
| 261 | SHH, SHH, SHH. |
| 262 | HERE THEY COME. |
| 263 | OH, IF SHE KISSES HIM GOOD NIGHT |
| 264 | I'M GOING TO KILL MYSELF, I SWEAR. |
| 265 | I CAN'T... I CAN'T WATCH... |
| 266 | COME ON. DATE OVER. |
| 267 | DATE OVER. |
| 268 | OH, OH. HERE WE GO. |
| 269 | SHE'S GOING IN. |
| 270 | OKAY. |
| 271 | SHE'S GOING IN. |
| 272 | HE'S GOING IN. |
| 273 | HE'S GOING IN. |
| 274 | THE DOOR'S CLOSED. |
| 275 | I CAN'T SEE ANYTHING WITH THE DOOR CLOSED. |
| 276 | AND THE INVENTOR OF THE DOOR RESTS HAPPILY IN HIS GRAVE. |
| 277 | OKAY. I HAVE TO DO SOMETHING. |
| 278 | I MEAN, I HAVE TO STOP IT. |
| 279 | STOP WHAT? I DON'T KNOW. |
| 280 | BUT I HAVE A FEELING MY BEING THERE WILL DO IT. |
| 281 | I'LL GO OVER |
| 282 | AND I WILL BORROW SOMETHING. |
| 283 | JUICE. I NEED JUICE. NO, YOU CAN'T. |
| 284 | LOOK, THEY MUST BE STOPPED. |
| 285 | I AM YOUR FRIEND |
| 286 | AND I AM NOT GOING TO LET YOU DO THIS. |
| 287 | YOU ARE SURPRISINGLY STRONG. |
| 288 | I NEED JUICE. |
| 289 | PEOPLE NEED JUICE! |
| 290 | LOOK, MAN... |
| 291 | PEOPLE NEED JUICE! |
| 292 | LISTEN TO ME. |
| 293 | JUICE! THEY NEED JUICE! |
| 294 | SHE'S MOVING ON, OKAY? |
| 295 | IF IT'S NOT THIS GUY, IT'S GOING TO BE SOMEBODY ELSE. |
| 296 | UNLESS YOU'RE THINKING ABOUT SUBLETTING MY PEEPHOLE |
| 297 | YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE TO GET USED TO THE FACT |
| 298 | THAT THE RELATIONSHIP IS OVER. |
| 299 | OKAY, MAN? |
| 300 | IT'S OVER. |
| 301 | YEAH. OKAY. |
| 302 | OKAY. |
| 303 | IT'S JUST I MISS HER SO MUCH. |
| 304 | I KNOW. |
| 305 | WHY DO ALL YOUR COFFEE MUGS HAVE NUMBERS ON THE BOTTOM? |
| 306 | OH, THAT'S SO MONICA CAN KEEP TRACK. |
| 307 | THAT WAY IF ONE OF THEM'S MISSING |
| 308 | SHE CAN BE, LIKE, "WHERE'S NUMBER 27?" |
| 309 | ( chuckles ) |
| 310 | ( sighs ) |
| 311 | YOU KNOW WHAT? NO, AND I DON'T THINK I'M GOING TO WANT TO. |
| 312 | I CAN'T DO THIS. |
| 313 | YEP, YEP. THAT'S WHAT I DIDN'T WANT TO KNOW. |
| 314 | YEAH. OH, MARK, I'M JUST DOING THIS |
| 315 | FOR THE WRONG REASONS, YOU KNOW? |
| 316 | I'M JUST DOING IT TO GET BACK AT ROSS. |
| 317 | I'M SORRY. |
| 318 | IT'S NOT VERY FAIR TO YOU. |
| 319 | AH, FAIR SHMAIR, YOU KNOW? |
| 320 | LOOK, YOU WANT TO GET BACK AT ROSS I AM HERE FOR YOU. |
| 321 | REALLY. NO, NO. |
| 322 | I SAY WE GET BACK AT HIM RIGHT HERE ON THIS COUCH. |
| 323 | RIGHT HERE. |
| 324 | OH, GOD. |
| 325 | I'M SORRY ABOUT THIS. |
| 326 | THAT'S OKAY. |
| 327 | ARE YOU SURE? |
| 328 | YEAH. |
| 329 | I CAN JUST GO HOME |
| 330 | AND GET BACK AT HIM BY MYSELF. |
| 331 | Woman: ...POISED TO BECOME THE PENICILLIN OF THE 21st CENTURY. |
| 332 | AND SO TODAY, THIS HOSPITAL IS ABOUT TO TAKE MAJOR STEPS |
| 333 | TOWARD LEADING THAT REVOLUTION. IT IS TRULY IRONIC... |
| 334 | HEY. |
| 335 | COULD I ASK YOU SOMETHING? |
| 336 | ...ON THE ONE HAND TO CONSIDER THE SIZE |
| 337 | OF THE HUMAN GENE... |
| 338 | WHERE ARE WE? |
| 339 | WELL, WITH ALL THESE DOCTORS AND NURSES |
| 340 | I'M GOING TO SAY MIDGET RODEO. |
| 341 | JUST TELL ME THE TRUTH. |
| 342 | OKAY. |
| 343 | UM... |
| 344 | YOU KNOW, I-I DON'T THINK I TOLD YOU THIS |
| 345 | BUT I JUST RECENTLY GOT OUT |
| 346 | OF A REALLY SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP. |
| 347 | WASN'T THAT A YEAR AGO? |
| 348 | SO I DID TELL YOU. |
| 349 | OKAY. WELL, YOU KNOW, THAT'S NOT REALLY THE THING. |
| 350 | THE THING IS, IS THAT RIGHT NOW |
| 351 | I'M JUST IN A PLACE IN MY LIFE WHERE I JUST NEED TO FOCUS ON ME. |
| 352 | DO YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? |
| 353 | OH, YEAH. I KNOW. |
| 354 | I SO WANT TO BE ATTRACTED TO YOU... |
| 355 | BUT YOU'RE NOT. |
| 356 | OKAY. GOOD. |
| 357 | I'M SORRY. |
| 358 | YOU KNOW WHAT? DON'T BE. |
| 359 | THIS IS NOT... DON'T BE, 'CAUSE IT'S NOT SO BAD. |
| 360 | IT'S NOT? |
| 361 | I KNOW I'M NO JON BON JOVI... |
| 362 | OR SOMEONE YOU FIND ATTRACTIVE. |
| 363 | I'M JUST... I JUST THINK, YOU KNOW |
| 364 | THAT YOU MIGHT END UP FEELING DIFFERENTLY. |
| 365 | HOW CAN ANY OF US FORGET JEFFREY ASTROFT? |
| 366 | NOW, LOOK, I DON'T WANT THIS TO COME OUT WRONG |
| 367 | BUT, UH, YOU SEEM AWFULLY CONFIDENT |
| 368 | FOR A GUY I JUST TOLD I WASN'T ATTRACTED TO. |
| 369 | YEAH. STUPIDLY CHARMING, ISN'T IT? |
| 370 | AH, LISTEN, LET'S... |
| 371 | YOU WANT TO GET SOMETHING TO EAT? |
| 372 | 'CAUSE THIS PLACE IS KIND OF DEE-PRESSING. |
| 373 | AND NOW THE MAN WHO MADE ALL THIS POSSIBLE... |
| 374 | MR. PETER BECKER. |
| 375 | ONE SEC. |
| 376 | I DON'T THINK THIS TOWN IS BIG ENOUGH |
| 377 | FOR THE BOTH OF US TO RELAX IN. |
| 378 | DRAW. |
| 379 | I WASN'T DOING ANYTHING. |
| 380 | UH-OH. WHAT DID SHE DO NOW? |
| 381 | JUST BECAUSE SHE WENT TO YALE DRAMA |
| 382 | SHE THINKS SHE'S, LIKE, THE GREATEST ACTRESS SINCE... |
| 383 | SINCE SLICED BREAD. |
| 384 | AH, SLICED BREAD, A WONDERFUL LADY MACBETH. |
| 385 | GOD, I JUST... I HATE HER. |
| 386 | I HATE HER WITH HER, "OH, I'M SO TALENTED" |
| 387 | AND, "OOH, I'M SO PRETTY" AND, "OOH, I SMELL SO GOOD." |
| 388 | I THINK SOMEBODY HAS A CRUSH ON SOMEBODY. |
| 389 | CHANDLER, CAN WE PLEASE TRY AND STAY FOCUSED |
| 390 | ON MY PROBLEM HERE, YOU KNOW? |
| 391 | I'M TALKING ABOUT YOU, YOU BIG, BIG FREAK. |
| 392 | OH. OH. OH. YOU'RE OUT OF YOUR MIND. |
| 393 | YOU HAVE DONE NOTHING BUT TALK ABOUT HER FOR THE LAST 48 HOURS. |
| 394 | IF YOU WERE IN A SCHOOLYARD, YOU'D BE PULLING HER PIGTAILS |
| 395 | AND PUSHING HER DOWN NOW. |
| 396 | OH, YEAH? |
| 397 | THEN HOW COME I KEEP THINKING ABOUT HER |
| 398 | IN ALL THESE SEXUAL SCENARIOS AND STUFF? |
| 399 | HAPPY? |
| 400 | IS THAT WHAT I'M SUPPOSED TO BE, VIC? HAPPY? |
| 401 | WELL, WHY DON'T YOU TELL ME WHAT YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE |
| 402 | BECAUSE I SURE AS HELL CAN'T FIGURE IT OUT. |
| 403 | I TALK TO YOU AND IT'S NOTHING. |
| 404 | YOU LOOK AT ME AND NOTHING. |
| 405 | NOTHING. |
| 406 | YOU GUYS MAKE ME FLY... |
| 407 | HIGH. |
| 408 | OKAY. WE'RE GOING TO PICK IT UP HERE TOMORROW. |
| 409 | WELL, THAT WAS, UH... BETTER? |
| 410 | YEAH, YEAH. |
| 411 | IT WAS DEFINITELY AN IMPROVEMENT, UH... |
| 412 | GOOD NIGHT. |
| 413 | UH, KATE? YEAH. |
| 414 | YOU, UH... YOU FORGOT YOUR SHOES. |
| 415 | ( nervous laughter ) |
| 416 | I'M PROBABLY GOING TO NEED THOSE, HUH? |
| 417 | ( laughing ) |
| 418 | HEY, LISTEN. YOU, UH... |
| 419 | FEEL LIKE GETTING A CUP OF COFFEE? |
| 420 | KATE. YEAH. |
| 421 | YOU READY TO GO? |
| 422 | VERY NICE. VERY NICE. |
| 423 | SO, UH... |
| 424 | SEE YOU TOMORROW, HUH? |
| 425 | YEAH, YEAH. SURE. |
| 426 | RIGHT. GOOD NIGHT. |
| 427 | HEY. |
| 428 | WHY ISN'T IT SPIDERMAN? |
| 429 | YOU KNOW, LIKE GOLDMAN, SILVERMAN? |
| 430 | 'CAUSE IT'S-IT'S NOT HIS LAST NAME. |
| 431 | IT ISN'T? |
| 432 | NO. IT'S NOT LIKE... LIKE PHIL SPIDERMAN. |
| 433 | HE'S A SPIDER... MAN. |
| 434 | YOU KNOW, LIKE, UH, LIKE GOLDMAN IS A LAST NAME |
| 435 | BUT THERE'S NO GOLD-MAN. |
| 436 | OH. OH, OKAY. |
| 437 | THERE SHOULD BE A GOLD-MAN. |
| 438 | HEY. |
| 439 | Monica: HEY, RACH. |
| 440 | HOW WAS WORK? OH, GREAT. |
| 441 | ALTHOUGH I DID SIT DOWN WHERE THERE WASN'T A CHAIR. |
| 442 | BY THE WAY, ROSS DROPPED BY A BOX OF YOUR STUFF. |
| 443 | OH. WELL, I GUESS I HAD THAT ONE COMING. |
| 444 | I'M JUST GOING TO THROW IT OUT. IT'S PROBABLY JUST A BUNCH OF SHAMPOO AND... |
| 445 | SOMETHING WRONG? |
| 446 | NO, NOTHING. |
| 447 | SO, WHAT KIND OF POWERS WOULD GOLD-MAN HAVE? |
| 448 | OKAY. WELL, HE WOULD TURN THINGS TO GOLD. |
| 449 | WHAT ABOUT THINGS THAT ARE ALREADY GOLD? |
| 450 | AH, HIS WORK IS DONE. |
| 451 | OKAY. LET'S PLAY MY GAME NOW. |
| 452 | OKAY. |
| 453 | WHY, YOU YELLOW-BELLIED, LILY-LIVERED... DRAW! |
| 454 | Phoebe: YEAH, THAT'S FUN. |
| 455 | |
| 1 | YOU'RE TELLING ME THIS ACTRESS |
| 2 | IS THE ONLY WOMAN YOU EVER WANTED |
| 3 | WHO DIDN'T WANT YOU BACK? |
| 4 | YEAH. OH, MY GOD. |
| 5 | IS THIS WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE YOU? |
| 6 | YOU'RE REALLY CRAZY ABOUT HER, HUH? |
| 7 | OH, YOU HAVE NO IDEA. |
| 8 | AND WHEN WE'RE ON STAGE |
| 9 | I GET TO KISS HER AND TOUCH HER |
| 10 | BUT THEN SHE GOES HOME WITH THE DIRECTOR |
| 11 | AND IT'S LIKE SOMEBODY'S RIPPING OUT MY HEART. |
| 12 | IT'S SO GREAT TO SEE YOU FEELING LIKE THIS. |
| 13 | HEY. |
| 14 | All: HEY. |
| 15 | MONICA, DAD CALLED THIS MORNING, AND, UH... |
| 16 | AUNT SYLVIA PASSED AWAY. |
| 17 | YES! |
| 18 | YES! YEAH! YEAH! YEAH! |
| 19 | WE WERE ALL PRETTY SHAKEN UP ABOUT IT. |
| 20 | AM I MISSING SOMETHING? |
| 21 | I ALWAYS THOUGHT DEATH WAS SUPPOSED TO BE SAD IN A WAY. |
| 22 | WELL, AUNT SYLVIA WAS... |
| 23 | WELL, NOT A NICE PERSON. |
| 24 | SHE WAS A CRUEL, CRANKY, OLD BITCH. |
| 25 | AND I'M SORRY SHE DIED. |
| 26 | DID DAD SAY I GET THE DOLLHOUSE? |
| 27 | YOU GET THE DOLLHOUSE. |
| 28 | I GET THE DOLLHOUSE! |
| 29 | WELL, A HOUSE FOR DOLLS. |
| 30 | THAT IS SO COOL. |
| 31 | WHEN I WAS A KID, I HAD A BARREL. |
| 32 | UH, PHEEBS, YOU HAD A BARREL FOR A DOLLHOUSE? |
| 33 | NO, JUST A BARREL. |
| 34 | YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 35 | YOU CAN PLAY WITH MY DOLLHOUSE. |
| 36 | REALLY? REALLY? |
| 37 | ANY TIME YOU WANT. |
| 38 | WHEN I WAS YOUNGER |
| 39 | ALL I WANTED TO DO WAS PLAY |
| 40 | WITH THIS DOLLHOUSE. |
| 41 | BUT NO. |
| 42 | IT WAS TO BE LOOKED AT BUT NEVER PLAYED WITH. |
| 43 | MY GRANDMOTHER USED TO SAY THE SAME THING TO ME. |
| 44 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 45 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 46 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 47 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 48 | ♪ WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY ♪ |
| 49 | ♪ YOUR WEEK, YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 50 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 51 | ♪ WHEN THE RAIN STARTS TO POUR ♪ |
| 52 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 53 | ♪ LIKE I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE ♪ |
| 54 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 55 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME TOO. ♪ |
| 56 | HEY, SOPHIE. |
| 57 | HEY, RACH. |
| 58 | THANKS FOR LUNCH, CHANDLER. |
| 59 | YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO WALK ME BACK UP HERE. |
| 60 | OH, THAT'S OKAY. |
| 61 | NO PROBLEM. |
| 62 | UM, HONEY, YOU DO REALIZE |
| 63 | WE DON'T KEEP THE WOMEN'S LINGERIE |
| 64 | HERE IN THE OFFICE. |
| 65 | YES, I REALIZE THAT. |
| 66 | SUMMER CATALOGUE? |
| 67 | THAT'S THE STUFF. |
| 68 | RACHEL, I NEED THE VERSACE INVOICE. |
| 69 | HELLO. |
| 70 | YOU DON'T WORK FOR ME. |
| 71 | JOANNA, THIS IS MY FRIEND, CHANDLER BING. |
| 72 | JOANNA. |
| 73 | BING. |
| 74 | THAT'S A GREAT NAME. |
| 75 | THANKS. IT'S GAELIC FOR "THY TURKEY'S DONE." |
| 76 | I'M GOING TO GO. NICE MEETING YOU. |
| 77 | YOU, TOO. |
| 78 | BYE, CHANDLER. |
| 79 | SO, UH, WHAT'S WRONG WITH HIM? |
| 80 | OH, NOTHING. |
| 81 | HE'S JUST GOOFY LIKE THAT. |
| 82 | I ACTUALLY HARDLY NOTICE IT ANYMORE. |
| 83 | OH, NO, NO, NO. |
| 84 | I MEAN, IS HE... |
| 85 | MARRIED OR INVOLVED WITH ANYONE? |
| 86 | NO, NO. |
| 87 | HE'S NOT MARRIED OR INVOLVED. |
| 88 | WITH ANYONE. |
| 89 | WELL, RACHEL... |
| 90 | ACTUALLY, YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 91 | FORGET IT. |
| 92 | I'LL ASK HIM FOR YOU IF YOU WANT ME TO. |
| 93 | WOULD YOU? |
| 94 | OR IS IT JUST TOO SAD AND DESPERATE-- |
| 95 | YOU KNOW, SOMETHING THAT SOPHIE WOULD DO? |
| 96 | I AM HERE. |
| 97 | I KNOW THAT. |
| 98 | LOOK AT IT. |
| 99 | OH, WALLPAPER'S A LITTLE FADED. |
| 100 | THAT'S OKAY. |
| 101 | CARPET'S A LITTLE LOOSE. |
| 102 | HARDWOOD FLOORS! |
| 103 | HEY. |
| 104 | Chandler: HELLO. |
| 105 | OH! |
| 106 | OH, MONICA, IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL! |
| 107 | I KNOW! |
| 108 | SO I'M HERE, READY TO PLAY. |
| 109 | OKAY. |
| 110 | I BROUGHT A BUNCH OF STUFF FOR THE HOUSE. |
| 111 | SO CHECK IT OUT. |
| 112 | WHAT'S THIS? |
| 113 | THAT'S A DOG. |
| 114 | EVERY HOUSE SHOULD HAVE A DOG. |
| 115 | NOT ONE THAT CAN PEE ON THE ROOF. |
| 116 | WELL, MAYBE IT'S SO BIG |
| 117 | BECAUSE THE HOUSE WAS BUILT ON RADIOACTIVE WASTE. |
| 118 | AND IS THIS IN CASE THE HOUSE SNEEZES? |
| 119 | NO, NO. |
| 120 | THAT'S THE GHOST FOR THE ATTIC. |
| 121 | I DON'T WANT A GHOST. |
| 122 | WELL, NOBODY WANTS A GHOST. |
| 123 | BUT YOU'VE GOT ONE. |
| 124 | BECAUSE THE HOUSE IS SITTING ON |
| 125 | AN ANCIENT INDIAN BURIAL GROUND. |
| 126 | Ross: WAIT A MINUTE. |
| 127 | THE HOUSE WAS BUILT ON RADIOACTIVE WASTE |
| 128 | AND AN ANCIENT INDIAN BURIAL GROUND? |
| 129 | THAT WOULD NEVER HAPPEN. |
| 130 | OKAY, OBVIOUSLY YOU DON'T KNOW MUCH ABOUT THE U.S. GOVERNMENT. |
| 131 | HEY. |
| 132 | All: HEY. |
| 133 | I NEED TO TALK TO YOU. |
| 134 | SURE. WHAT'S UP? |
| 135 | OH, SORRY. |
| 136 | I MEANT CHANDLER. |
| 137 | I-I KNOW. |
| 138 | WELL, IF SOMETHING COMES UP... |
| 139 | WELL, I'M GLAD YOU GUYS |
| 140 | HAVE PASSED THAT LITTLE AWKWARD PHASE. |
| 141 | OKAY, MY BOSS, JOANNA. |
| 142 | WHEN YOU LEFT, SHE STARTED ASKING QUESTIONS ABOUT YOU. |
| 143 | OH, LIKED WHAT SHE SAW, HUH? |
| 144 | DUG MY ACTION, DID SHE? |
| 145 | CHECKIN' OUT THE CHAN-CHAN MAN! |
| 146 | THAT WAS... SURREAL. |
| 147 | OKAY, WHAT DO YOU THINK? |
| 148 | YOU INTERESTED AT ALL? |
| 149 | YEAH, SHE SEEMED COOL, ATTRACTIVE. |
| 150 | I'LL DO IT. |
| 151 | OH, THANK YOU, CHANDLER. |
| 152 | THIS IS SO GREAT. |
| 153 | SHE'S GOING TO LOVE ME. |
| 154 | HEY, DINOSAUR ATTACK. |
| 155 | QUICK, EVERYBODY INTO THE HOUSE. |
| 156 | AHH! |
| 157 | RUFF! RUFF! |
| 158 | ALL RIGHT, PHOEBE, YOU KNOW WHAT? THAT'S IT. |
| 159 | THAT'S IT. |
| 160 | NO DINOSAURS, NO GHOSTS |
| 161 | NO GIANT DOGS, OKAY? |
| 162 | THEY'RE NOT THE RIGHT SIZE |
| 163 | THEY'RE NOT VICTORIAN, AND THEY JUST DON'T GO. |
| 164 | OKAY. |
| 165 | FINE. |
| 166 | COME, DINOSAUR. |
| 167 | WE'RE NOT WELCOME IN THE HOUSE OF NO IMAGINATION. |
| 168 | PHEEBS, WHILE WE'RE HOVERING AROUND THE SUBJECT |
| 169 | I JUST HAVE TO SAY THAT DINOSAURS |
| 170 | THEY DON'T GO "RUFF." |
| 171 | THE LITTLE ONES DO. |
| 172 | HEY, KATE. |
| 173 | MORNING. |
| 174 | I WENT TO THAT RESTAURANT YOU TOLD ME ABOUT... |
| 175 | Man: HEY, LOVELY. |
| 176 | COME TALK TO ME FOR A MINUTE. |
| 177 | THEN I ATE THE FOOD. |
| 178 | IT WAS GOOD. I HAD THE FISH. |
| 179 | HI. |
| 180 | I'M LAUREN, KATE'S UNDERSTUDY. |
| 181 | OH, HEY. JOEY TRIBBIANI. |
| 182 | I KNOW. |
| 183 | I'M A BIG FAN OF YOURS. |
| 184 | WHAT? |
| 185 | I USED TO SCHEDULE MY CLASSES |
| 186 | SO I COULD WATCH DR. DRAKE RAMORAY |
| 187 | ON DAYS OF OUR LIVES. |
| 188 | GET OUT OF HERE. |
| 189 | REALLY? |
| 190 | ABSOLUTELY. |
| 191 | OH, BUT THEN THEY WENT |
| 192 | AND DROPPED YOU DOWN THAT ELEVATOR SHAFT. |
| 193 | THEY GAVE ME THE SHAFT, ALL RIGHT. |
| 194 | ( laughing ) |
| 195 | YOU'RE SO FUNNY. |
| 196 | WHAT ARE YOU DOING AFTER REHEARSAL? |
| 197 | DO YOU WANT TO GET A DRINK OR SOMETHING? |
| 198 | WELL, UH... |
| 199 | YEAH. YEAH, SURE. |
| 200 | A DRINK SOUNDS GREAT. |
| 201 | COOL. |
| 202 | I'LL SEE YOU THEN. |
| 203 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 204 | ALL RIGHT, IT'S TIME TO ACT |
| 205 | MY TALKING PROPS. |
| 206 | HEY. |
| 207 | All: HEY. |
| 208 | LOOK, EVERYBODY. LOOK AT MY NEW DOLLHOUSE. |
| 209 | WOW! |
| 210 | OH! |
| 211 | LOOK, LOOK. |
| 212 | ( delighted shouts ) |
| 213 | HEY, WHAT'S THIS? |
| 214 | OH, OKAY, IT'S A SLIDE INSTEAD OF STAIRS. |
| 215 | LOOK. |
| 216 | OH! |
| 217 | VERY INTERESTING, PHOEBE. |
| 218 | WHAT'S THIS? |
| 219 | THE LICORICE ROOM. |
| 220 | YOU CAN EAT ALL THE FURNITURE. |
| 221 | AND WHEN GUESTS COME OVER |
| 222 | THEY CAN STAY ON THE TOOTSIE ROLL-A-WAY BED. |
| 223 | THIS IS THE COOLEST HOUSE EVER. |
| 224 | HEY, DOES ANYONE WANT TO JOIN ME |
| 225 | IN THE AROMA ROOM? |
| 226 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 227 | I WOULD. |
| 228 | HEY, GUYS |
| 229 | GUYS, DID YOU SEE MY NEW CHINA CABINET? |
| 230 | UH-HUH. UH-HUH. |
| 231 | WATCH. WATCH. |
| 232 | OOH! OOH! |
| 233 | AND, AND... |
| 234 | AH! AH! |
| 235 | HEY, MY FATHER'S HOUSE DOES THAT. |
| 236 | OKAY, HOW DID IT GO? |
| 237 | TELL ME EVERYTHING. |
| 238 | WELL, THE MOVIE WAS GREAT. |
| 239 | THE DINNER WAS GREAT. |
| 240 | AND THERE'S NOTHING LIKE A COOL, CRISP NEW YORK EVENING. |
| 241 | OF COURSE, I DIDN'T GET TO ENJOY ANY OF THAT |
| 242 | BECAUSE JOANNA'S SUCH A BIG, DULL DUD. |
| 243 | CHANDLER IS FANTASTIC! |
| 244 | WHAT? |
| 245 | OH, GOD, WE JUST CLICKED. |
| 246 | HE CAME BY TO PICK ME UP, I OPENED THE DOOR |
| 247 | AND IT WAS JUST LIKE, "CLICK." |
| 248 | DID HE TELL YOU? |
| 249 | AND HE'S GOT SUCH A GOOD HEART. |
| 250 | DOESN'T HE HAVE A GOOD HEART? |
| 251 | AND HE'S SO SWEET. |
| 252 | HE SAID HE WAS GOING TO CALL |
| 253 | SO PUT HIM STRAIGHT THROUGH. |
| 254 | ISN'T THIS GREAT? |
| 255 | DON'T SPOIL IT. |
| 256 | COME ON, BABY, DON'T GO. |
| 257 | PLEASE. |
| 258 | WHAT DO YOU SAY? |
| 259 | ( phone ringing ) |
| 260 | HELLO? |
| 261 | OH, IT'S YOU. |
| 262 | JUST ONE SEC. |
| 263 | I AM GOING TO TAKE THIS CALL. |
| 264 | WHEN I CONTINUE, I HOPE THAT THERE WILL APPEAR ON STAGE |
| 265 | THIS MAGICAL THING |
| 266 | THAT IN THE THEATER WE CALL |
| 267 | COMMITTING TO THE MOMENT! |
| 268 | THE GUY'S LIKE A CARTOON. |
| 269 | WHAT DO YOU SEE IN HIM, ANYWAY? |
| 270 | HE HAPPENS TO BE BRILLIANT. |
| 271 | WHICH IS MORE THAN I CAN SAY |
| 272 | FOR THAT SWEATER YOU'RE DATING. |
| 273 | HEY, I'M NOT INTERESTED IN HER SWEATER. |
| 274 | IT'S WHAT'S UNDERNEATH HER SWEATER THAT COUNTS. |
| 275 | AND BESIDES, SINCE WHEN DO YOU CARE WHO I'M GOING OUT WITH? |
| 276 | I DON'T CARE. |
| 277 | WHY? DO YOU WANT ME TO CARE? |
| 278 | DO YOU WANT ME TO WANT YOU TO CARE? |
| 279 | DO YOU? |
| 280 | WHAT? |
| 281 | OKAY, I'M AFRAID TO SAY THIS |
| 282 | BUT LET'S PICK IT UP WHERE WE LEFT OFF. |
| 283 | COME ON, BABY, DON'T GO. |
| 284 | PLEASE? |
| 285 | WHAT DO YOU SAY? |
| 286 | I'VE GOT NO REASON TO STAY. |
| 287 | STOP! |
| 288 | STOP IT! |
| 289 | YOU MUST STOP! |
| 290 | YOU ARE BAD ACTORS. |
| 291 | THIS IS A TERRIBLE PLAY. |
| 292 | I'LL SEE YOU IN THE MORNING. |
| 293 | I CAN'T BELIEVE WE GO ON IN A WEEK. |
| 294 | HEY, IT'S GOING TO BE ALL RIGHT. |
| 295 | SO SINCE WE'RE GETTING OFF EARLY |
| 296 | DO YOU WANT TO GO AND PAINT MUGS? |
| 297 | WHAT? |
| 298 | YOU KNOW, AT THE PLACE I TOLD YOU ABOUT LAST NIGHT? |
| 299 | OH, YEAH. WITH THE MUG PAINTING. |
| 300 | YEAH. |
| 301 | I WAS SO LISTENING TO THAT. |
| 302 | BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 303 | I THINK I KIND OF NEED TO WORK ON MY STUFF TONIGHT. |
| 304 | OH, OKAY. |
| 305 | I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW. |
| 306 | OKAY. |
| 307 | OKAY. |
| 308 | GOOD NIGHT. |
| 309 | UH... ARE YOU OKAY? |
| 310 | YEAH, I GUESS. |
| 311 | WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO ABOUT THE SCENE, HUH? |
| 312 | I DON'T KNOW. |
| 313 | WELL, UM... |
| 314 | MAYBE IF IT HAD MORE HEAT. |
| 315 | HOW DO YOU MEAN? |
| 316 | WELL... |
| 317 | ADRIENNE'S LOOKING FOR A REASON TO STAY, RIGHT? |
| 318 | VICTOR CAN'T JUST KISS HER. |
| 319 | HE'S GOT TO... |
| 320 | HE'S GOT TO REALLY GIVE HER A REASON. |
| 321 | MAYBE HE COULD SLIP HER THE TONGUE. |
| 322 | OR MAYBE... |
| 323 | MAYBE HE COULD GRAB HER AND... |
| 324 | AND LIFT HER UP. |
| 325 | YEAH, AND THEN ADRIENNE |
| 326 | MAYBE SHE COULD WRAP HER LEGS AROUND HIS WAIST. |
| 327 | AND THEN SHE COULD RIP OFF HIS SHIRT AND KISS HIS CHEST |
| 328 | AND HIS STOMACH. |
| 329 | AND THEN HE CAN USE HIS TEETH... |
| 330 | HIS TEETH TO UNDO HER DRESS AND... AND... |
| 331 | BITE HER. |
| 332 | AND THEN RIGHT WHEN THE SCENE ENDS |
| 333 | HE COULD TAKE HER WITH THIS RAW, ANIMAL... |
| 334 | ( gasping ) |
| 335 | SOMETHING LIKE THAT? |
| 336 | YEAH, THAT'S PRETTY MUCH WHAT I HAD IN MIND. |
| 337 | YEAH. |
| 338 | HEY. |
| 339 | WHAT'S UP? |
| 340 | HI. |
| 341 | HEY. |
| 342 | IT'S A LITTLE EARLY TO BE DRINKING. |
| 343 | NO, NO. |
| 344 | THINGS, UH, FINALLY HAPPENED WITH KATE. |
| 345 | OH, YOU'RE KIDDING. |
| 346 | THAT'S GREAT. |
| 347 | OH, IT WAS SO AMAZING. |
| 348 | AFTER THE... LOVEMAKING... |
| 349 | OH, MY. |
| 350 | I JUST... |
| 351 | I JUST WATCHED HER SLEEP FOR, LIKE, HOURS |
| 352 | JUST BREATHING IN AND BREATHING OUT. |
| 353 | AND THEN I KNEW SHE WAS DREAMING |
| 354 | 'CAUSE HER EYES KEPT GOING LIKE THIS... |
| 355 | JOANNE'S GOT IT ALL WRONG, OKAY? |
| 356 | ALL I SAID WAS, "THIS WAS FUN. |
| 357 | "LET'S DO IT AGAIN SOMETIME. |
| 358 | I'LL GIVE YOU A CALL." |
| 359 | OH, GEE |
| 360 | I WONDER WHY SHE THINKS YOU WERE GOING TO CALL HER. |
| 361 | THAT'S WHAT YOU SAY AT THE END OF A DATE. |
| 362 | YOU CAN'T JUST SAY |
| 363 | "NICE TO MEET YOU. GOOD NIGHT"? |
| 364 | TO HER FACE? |
| 365 | IT'S THE END OF THE DATE. |
| 366 | SHE'S WAITING FOR ME TO SAY I'LL CALL HER |
| 367 | AND IT JUST COMES OUT. |
| 368 | I CAN'T HELP IT. |
| 369 | IT'S A COMPULSION. |
| 370 | COME ON, RACH |
| 371 | WHEN A GUY SAYS HE'S GOING TO CALL |
| 372 | IT DOESN'T MEAN HE'S GOING TO CALL. |
| 373 | THIS NEVER HAPPENED |
| 374 | TO YOU? |
| 375 | WELL, THEY ALWAYS CALLED. |
| 376 | BITE ME. |
| 377 | DID HE CALL? |
| 378 | NO. SORRY. |
| 379 | WHY? WHY? |
| 380 | HE SAID HE'D CALL. |
| 381 | WHY HASN'T HE CALLED? |
| 382 | MAYBE HE'S INTIMIDATED |
| 383 | BY REALLY SMART, STRONG, SUCCESSFUL WOMEN. |
| 384 | SOPHIE, PLEASE CLIMB OUT OF MY BUTT. |
| 385 | WHY HASN'T HE CALLED, RACHEL? |
| 386 | OKAY, OKAY. |
| 387 | UM, WELL, UH... |
| 388 | MAYBE HE FEELS AWKWARD BECAUSE YOU ARE MY BOSS. |
| 389 | WHY SHOULD HE FEEL AWKWARD? |
| 390 | YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE WHO SHOULD FEEL AWKWARD |
| 391 | AND YOU DIDN'T TELL HIM NOT TO CALL ME, DID YOU? |
| 392 | NO, I... |
| 393 | BECAUSE IF YOU FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE |
| 394 | WITH YOUR FRIEND DATING SOMEONE YOU WORK FOR |
| 395 | THERE ARE ALWAYS WAYS TO FIX THAT. |
| 396 | CALL HER. CALL HER NOW. |
| 397 | MULTIPLE... SO MANY PAPER CUTS. |
| 398 | "WHY HASN'T HE CALLED, RACHEL? |
| 399 | "WHY? I DON'T UNDERSTAND. |
| 400 | "HE SAID HE'D CALL. WHY? |
| 401 | I'M TELLING YOU, SHE'S FLIPPED OUT. |
| 402 | SHE'S GONE CRAZY. |
| 403 | OH. WELL, GIVE ME THE PHONE THEN. |
| 404 | THIS ISN'T FUNNY. |
| 405 | SHE THINKS IT'S MY FAULT THAT YOU HAVEN'T CALLED HER. |
| 406 | YOU HAVE TO CALL HER. |
| 407 | YOU CAN'T CALL SOMEBODY AFTER THIS LONG JUST TO SAY |
| 408 | "IN CASE YOU DIDN'T NOTICE, I DON'T LIKE YOU." |
| 409 | WELL, THEN |
| 410 | YOU'LL HAVE TO TAKE HER OUT AGAIN. |
| 411 | NO, SHE'S REALLY DULL |
| 412 | AND SHE GETS THIS GROSS MASCARA GOOP THING |
| 413 | IN THE CORNER OF HER EYE. |
| 414 | I DON'T CARE. |
| 415 | YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO TAKE HER OUT AGAIN |
| 416 | AND END IT IN A WAY |
| 417 | THAT SHE KNOWS IT'S ACTUALLY ENDED. |
| 418 | AND I DON'T CARE HOW HARD IT IS FOR YOU. |
| 419 | DO NOT TELL HER THAT YOU WILL CALL HER AGAIN. |
| 420 | FINE, BUT IT'S JUST A LUNCH DATE. |
| 421 | AND FROM NOW ON, I GET MY OWN DATES. |
| 422 | I DON'T WANT YOU SETTING ME UP WITH ANYBODY EVER AGAIN. |
| 423 | THAT'S FINE. |
| 424 | THAT'S JUST A LOT OF BIG TALK, YOU KNOW. |
| 425 | I KNOW. |
| 426 | ( water running ) |
| 427 | MON? |
| 428 | IN THE SHOWER! |
| 429 | OH! FIRE! THERE'S A FIRE! FIRE! |
| 430 | ( mumbling ) |
| 431 | ( Monica screams ) |
| 432 | HEY. |
| 433 | HI. |
| 434 | SO, I, UH... |
| 435 | I TALKED TO LAUREN |
| 436 | AND I KIND OF TOLD HER HOW THINGS WERE WITH US. |
| 437 | DID YOU, UH, DID YOU TALK TO MARSHALL? |
| 438 | ABOUT WHAT? |
| 439 | YOU KNOW, ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED WITH US. |
| 440 | NO. |
| 441 | AND THERE'S REALLY NO REASON WHY HE SHOULD FIND OUT |
| 442 | SO, UH, LET'S NOT MAKE A BIG DEAL OF IT, OKAY? |
| 443 | WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? |
| 444 | IT WAS A BIG DEAL. |
| 445 | HEY, COME ON |
| 446 | YOU CAN'T TELL ME LAST NIGHT DIDN'T MEAN SOMETHING TO YOU. |
| 447 | I WAS THERE. |
| 448 | YOU'RE NOT THAT GOOD AN ACTRESS. |
| 449 | LOOK, UM, I WAS JUST CAUGHT UP IN THE MOMENT. |
| 450 | THAT'S ALL IT WAS. |
| 451 | JOEY, I'M SORRY YOU FEEL BAD, BUT... |
| 452 | HAVEN'T YOU EVER SLEPT WITH A WOMAN |
| 453 | WHERE IT MEANT MORE TO HER THAN IT DID TO YOU? |
| 454 | NO. |
| 455 | HI, KATE. |
| 456 | HI, LAUREN. |
| 457 | HI, LAUREN. |
| 458 | HI, PIG. |
| 459 | SORRY I, UH... |
| 460 | I SCARED YOU IN THERE. |
| 461 | OH, THAT'S OKAY. |
| 462 | BY THE WAY |
| 463 | I WAS JUST CHECKING THE SHOWER MASSAGER. |
| 464 | YEAH. SHH... |
| 465 | HEY. |
| 466 | WE TRIED TO REACH YOU AT WORK. |
| 467 | THERE'S... BEEN A FIRE. |
| 468 | WHAT? |
| 469 | OH, MY... OH, MY GOD! |
| 470 | WHAT HAPPENED? |
| 471 | WELL, WE BELIEVE IT ORIGINATED HERE... |
| 472 | IN THE AROMA ROOM. |
| 473 | DID EVERYONE GET OUT OKAY? |
| 474 | WELL, THE GIRAFFE'S OKAY AND SO IS THE PIRATE. |
| 475 | WHAT IS THIS? |
| 476 | NO, PHOEBE, DON'T LOOK. |
| 477 | YOU DON'T WANT TO SEE WHAT'S UNDER THERE. |
| 478 | ( gasps ) |
| 479 | THE FOSTER PUPPETS! |
| 480 | Chandler: IT'S NOT A BIG DEAL. |
| 481 | IT'S RIGHT HERE, AND IT'S ALL THE TIME. |
| 482 | WELL, THANKS AGAIN FOR LUNCH. |
| 483 | YES, THIS... THIS WAS PLEASANT. |
| 484 | IT WAS, WASN'T IT? |
| 485 | THE FOOD THERE WAS GREAT. |
| 486 | WASN'T IT? |
| 487 | SO TAKE CARE. |
| 488 | YOU, TOO. |
| 489 | WELL, THIS WAS GREAT. |
| 490 | I'LL GIVE YOU A CALL. |
| 491 | WE SHOULD DO IT AGAIN SOMETIME. |
| 492 | GREAT. I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO IT. |
| 493 | RACHEL, ANY MESSAGES? |
| 494 | SOPHIE'S DESK. |
| 495 | ( quietly ): CHANDLER... |
| 496 | ARE YOU GOING TO CALL HER? |
| 497 | NO. |
| 498 | CHANDLER... |
| 499 | I'M SORRY, OKAY? |
| 500 | I'M WEAK AND PATHETIC AND SORRY. |
| 501 | OKAY, YOU ARE GOING TO TELL HER. |
| 502 | YOU ARE GOING TO TELL HER NOW. |
| 503 | I'M NOT GOING TO CALL YOU. |
| 504 | WHAT? |
| 505 | I'M SORRY. |
| 506 | I'M... I'M... I'M SORRY |
| 507 | THAT I SAID I WAS GOING TO WHEN I'M NOT. |
| 508 | LOOK, THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU. |
| 509 | AND THIS ISN'T RACHEL'S FAULT. |
| 510 | IT'S ME. |
| 511 | I HAVE SERIOUS, SERIOUS PROBLEMS WHEN IT COMES TO WOMEN. |
| 512 | I HAVE ISSUES WITH COMMITMENT, INTIMACY... |
| 513 | MASCARA GOOP. |
| 514 | AND I'M REALLY SORRY. |
| 515 | IT'S JUST THAT THIS IS NOT... |
| 516 | THIS ISN'T GOING TO WORK OUT. |
| 517 | WELL, THIS ISN'T HOW I WAS HOPING THIS WOULD END |
| 518 | BUT I GUESS I HAVE TO APPRECIATE YOUR HONESTY. |
| 519 | YEAH. OKAY. |
| 520 | SO... |
| 521 | THIS WAS GREAT. |
| 522 | I'LL GIVE YOU A CALL. |
| 523 | WE SHOULD DO IT AGAIN SOMETIME. |
| 524 | SO, ANYWAY, BETH, WHAT I'M SAYING IS |
| 525 | I SHOULD HAVE CONSIDERED YOUR FEELINGS |
| 526 | BEFORE I WENT HOME WITH YOU THAT NIGHT. |
| 527 | I'VE, UH... |
| 528 | I'VE RECENTLY LEARNED WHAT IT'S LIKE |
| 529 | TO BE ON YOUR SIDE OF IT |
| 530 | AND I'M SORRY. |
| 531 | SO, DO YOU THINK YOU CAN FORGIVE ME? |
| 532 | GREAT. |
| 533 | THANKS. |
| 534 | OKAY. |
| 535 | BYE. |
| 536 | WHEW. |
| 537 | [Captioned by The Caption Center WGBH Educational Foundation] |
| 538 | HELLO. JENNIFER? |
| 539 | OH, HI, MRS. LORIO. |
| 540 | IS JENNIFER THERE? |
| 541 | AH, SHE'S NOT HOME, HUH? |
| 542 | WELL, UH, ACTUALLY |
| 543 | I KIND OF NEED TO TALK TO YOU, TOO. |
| 544 | |
| 1 | WHOSE IDEA WAS IT |
| 2 | TO PUT EVERYBODY ON SKATES? |
| 3 | SOME IDIOT CUSTOMER |
| 4 | PUT A SUGGESTION IN THE SUGGESTION BOX. |
| 5 | OH, MY GOD! |
| 6 | THEY TOOK MY IDEA! |
| 7 | THAT WAS YOU? |
| 8 | YEAH. |
| 9 | OKAY, THERE YOU GO. |
| 10 | RACHEL, I MADE YOU A COCOA. |
| 11 | OH, MY G... IT'S SO NICE...! |
| 12 | OW! |
| 13 | OH, MY GOD! |
| 14 | ARE YOU GUYS OKAY? |
| 15 | ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? |
| 16 | ( both moaning ) |
| 17 | OH, MY. |
| 18 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 19 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 20 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 21 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 22 | ♪ WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY ♪ |
| 23 | ♪ YOUR WEEK, YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 24 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 25 | ♪ WHEN THE RAIN STARTS TO POUR ♪ |
| 26 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 27 | ♪ LIKE I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE ♪ |
| 28 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 29 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME TOO. ♪ |
| 30 | HI. |
| 31 | HI. |
| 32 | YOU KNOW, WITH THAT GOATEE |
| 33 | YOU KIND OF LOOK LIKE SATAN. |
| 34 | OH, SO THAT'S WHY THE PRIEST THREW HOLY WATER ON ME. |
| 35 | OKAY, LISTEN |
| 36 | YOU HAVE TO CHEER UP. OKAY? |
| 37 | YOU SHOULD COME OUT |
| 38 | WITH ROSS AND ME. |
| 39 | ANYTHING IS BETTER THAN SITTING AROUND |
| 40 | CRYING ALL DAY ABOUT KATE. |
| 41 | HEY, I WAS CRYING BECAUSE... |
| 42 | BECAUSE NOBODY BELIEVED QUINCY'S THEORY, OKAY? |
| 43 | HI. HI. |
| 44 | I'M GOING TO BE ON TV! |
| 45 | NO WAY! YEAH. |
| 46 | THEY'RE PUTTING TOGETHER THIS PANEL |
| 47 | TO TALK ABOUT FOSSILS FOUND IN PERU. |
| 48 | THE DISCOVERY CHANNEL'S FILMING IT. |
| 49 | OH, MY GOD! |
| 50 | WHO'S GOING TO WATCH THAT? |
| 51 | THANKS. YOU READY TO GO? |
| 52 | YEAH. |
| 53 | ( clears throat ) |
| 54 | SAW A GIRL WITH THAT VEST. |
| 55 | THANKS. |
| 56 | While most of us think |
| 57 | of chocolate bunnies and baskets |
| 58 | as traditional Easter gifts |
| 59 | some people insist on giving live chicks as presents. |
| 60 | Unfortunately, the sad fact remains |
| 61 | that most of these little guys won't live |
| 62 | to see the Fourth of July. |
| 63 | Because as a result |
| 64 | of improper care, they will be dead. |
| 65 | HI. YOU GUYS GOT ANY OF THOSE BABY CHICKS? |
| 66 | 'CAUSE I WAS WATCHING THIS COMMERCIAL ON TV |
| 67 | AND MAN, THOSE THINGS ARE CUTE! |
| 68 | HI. |
| 69 | HI. PETE, YOU'RE BACK. |
| 70 | HEY, CHECK THIS OUT. |
| 71 | WOW, SKATES. |
| 72 | WHOA! |
| 73 | WOW. |
| 74 | YOU'RE A LOT STURDIER THAN CHANDLER. |
| 75 | HE CRUMBLED LIKE A PIECE OF PAPER. |
| 76 | SO HOW WAS YOUR TRIP? |
| 77 | WHAT'D YOU BRING ME? |
| 78 | AW... |
| 79 | HOTEL TOILETRIES FROM JAPAN! |
| 80 | OH! |
| 81 | THESE ARE GOING TO GO |
| 82 | IN MY PERMANENT COLLECTION. |
| 83 | YOU WANT SOME COFFEE? |
| 84 | SURE, THAT'LL BE GREAT. |
| 85 | REGULAR OR DECAF? |
| 86 | UH, WHICHEVER'S CLOSEST. |
| 87 | SO, ASK ME WHAT I DID TODAY. |
| 88 | SO, WHAT DID YOU DO TODAY, PETE? |
| 89 | I BOUGHT A RESTAURANT |
| 90 | AND I WANT YOU TO BE HEAD CHEF. |
| 91 | WHAT?! OH...! |
| 92 | CAN YOU BELIEVE |
| 93 | HE JUST OFFERED ME A RESTAURANT? |
| 94 | WHAT A JERK. |
| 95 | WANT ME TO KICK HIS ASS? |
| 96 | THIS HAS BEEN LIKE MY DREAM |
| 97 | SINCE I GOT MY FIRST EASY-BAKE OVEN |
| 98 | AND OPENED EASY MONICA'S BAKERY. |
| 99 | I MEAN, I WOULD KILL FOR THIS JOB. |
| 100 | I MEAN, I CAN TOTALLY DO THIS JOB |
| 101 | AND GOD KNOWS, I'VE PAID MY DUES. |
| 102 | BUT PETE'S JUST DOING THIS |
| 103 | BECAUSE HE HAS A CRUSH ON ME. |
| 104 | AND YOU'RE STILL NOT ATTRACTED TO HIM AT ALL? |
| 105 | NO. HOW CAN I ACCEPT A RESTAURANT FROM HIM? |
| 106 | I-I CAN'T. |
| 107 | I COULDN'T EVEN ACCEPT A NECKLACE |
| 108 | FROM STU VINCENT IN THE SEVENTH GRADE. |
| 109 | BUT, MON, THAT WAS TOTALLY DIFFERENT. |
| 110 | HE WAS YOUR HEALTH TEACHER. |
| 111 | OH, PLEASE. OW! |
| 112 | WHAT, HONEY? |
| 113 | OW. |
| 114 | MY SIDE STILL HURTS |
| 115 | FROM WHEN YOU CRASHED INTO ME YESTERDAY. |
| 116 | I'M SO SORRY. OW! |
| 117 | OH, GOD! |
| 118 | HEY, YOU GUYS, GUESS WHAT? |
| 119 | GOT A JOB ON A RIVERBOAT? |
| 120 | YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 121 | I DIDN'T WEAR THIS SUIT FOR A YEAR |
| 122 | BECAUSE YOU HATED IT. |
| 123 | WELL, GUESS WHAT? |
| 124 | YOU'RE NOT MY GIRLFRIEND ANYMORE, SO... |
| 125 | OH, I SEE. SO THIS SUIT IS MAKING A POINT. |
| 126 | NOW THAT YOU'RE ON YOUR OWN |
| 127 | YOU'RE FREE TO LOOK AS STUPID AS YOU'D LIKE. |
| 128 | YOU LIKE IT, RIGHT? |
| 129 | ABSOLUTELY. I LIKE IT |
| 130 | EVEN MORE ON YOU THAN I DID ON COLONEL SANDERS. |
| 131 | ROSS, ROSS, I'M KIDDING. |
| 132 | WHAT WERE YOU |
| 133 | GOING TO TELL US? |
| 134 | WAS IT HOW YOU INVENTED THE COTTON GIN? |
| 135 | OKAY, GOODBYE. |
| 136 | SO, UM, AFTER YOU PUT THE SUGGESTION IN THE BOX |
| 137 | HOW LONG DID IT TAKE FOR THE ROLLER SKATING THING TO HAPPEN? |
| 138 | UM, ABOUT THREE MONTHS. |
| 139 | OKAY, SO I GUESS |
| 140 | THAT'S ABOUT, UH... |
| 141 | TWO WEEKS BEFORE THE TOPLESS THING KICKS IN. |
| 142 | HEY. |
| 143 | HEY. |
| 144 | I GOT YOU SOMETHING. |
| 145 | OPEN IT. |
| 146 | OPEN IT. |
| 147 | OKAY. |
| 148 | ( gasps ) |
| 149 | IT'S A CHICKEN. |
| 150 | IT'S CUTE, HUH? |
| 151 | WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, YOU GUYS |
| 152 | DO YOU KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT CHICKS? |
| 153 | FOWL? NO. |
| 154 | WOMEN? |
| 155 | NO. |
| 156 | HEY, WELL, THEY ARE A HUGE RESPONSIBILITY. |
| 157 | ESPECIALLY AT THIS AGE. |
| 158 | THEY REQUIRE CONSTANT CARE. |
| 159 | THEY NEED JUST THE RIGHT FOOD |
| 160 | AND LOTS AND LOTS OF LOVE. |
| 161 | OH, WELL, NO PROBLEM. |
| 162 | ( high-pitched mumbling ) |
| 163 | EASY, LENNY. |
| 164 | SO? |
| 165 | I MEAN, HAVE YOU THOUGHT ABOUT IT? |
| 166 | OKAY, HERE'S THE THING. |
| 167 | OH, NO, NOT THE THING. |
| 168 | I HATE THE THING. |
| 169 | WHAT'S THE THING? |
| 170 | I CAN'T DO IT. |
| 171 | I'M SORRY. |
| 172 | I WISH I COULD |
| 173 | BUT, UM... |
| 174 | YOU HAVE THESE FEELINGS FOR ME... |
| 175 | WAIT. THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE WORRIED ABOUT? |
| 176 | IF THAT'S THE PROBLEM, WE'VE GOT NO PROBLEM. |
| 177 | HUH? |
| 178 | I WAS GOING TO TELL YOU THIS OVER DINNER |
| 179 | BUT I MET SOMEBODY ELSE ON MY TRIP. |
| 180 | OH? |
| 181 | HER NAME'S ANNE. |
| 182 | SHE'S A JOURNALIST. WE MET ON THE PLANE. |
| 183 | SHE ASKED ME IF SHE COULD FINISH OFF MY PEANUTS. |
| 184 | I THOUGHT SHE SAID SOMETHING ELSE. |
| 185 | WE HAD A BIG LAUGH... |
| 186 | YEAH, I JUST... |
| 187 | I MEAN, I GOT TIRED OF WAITING. |
| 188 | THAT'S GREAT! |
| 189 | I MEAN, I-I'M SORRY. |
| 190 | BUT I'M SO HAPPY FOR YOU. |
| 191 | AND NOW, I CAN WORK FOR YOU. |
| 192 | I GUESS YOU CAN. |
| 193 | OH, MY GOD! |
| 194 | OH, THIS IS INCREDIBLE! |
| 195 | OH! |
| 196 | ALL RIGHT, YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 197 | I'M JUST GOING TO ROLL RIGHT INTO THAT OFFICE |
| 198 | AND QUIT! |
| 199 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 200 | COULD YOU GIVE ME A LITTLE PUSH? |
| 201 | YEAH, SURE. |
| 202 | GOOD LUCK. |
| 203 | I'M QUITTING! |
| 204 | WHOO-HOO! |
| 205 | ( crashing ) |
| 206 | I'M OKAY! I'M ALL RIGHT! |
| 207 | WELL, THAT'S EXCITING. |
| 208 | YOU WENT TO JAPAN, MADE UP A WOMAN. |
| 209 | WHAT? |
| 210 | I'M JUST SAYING-- THIS WOMAN-- |
| 211 | I MEAN, SHE'S FICTITIOUS, NO? |
| 212 | WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT? |
| 213 | 'CAUSE YOU'RE STILL INTO MONICA |
| 214 | SO YOU TOLD HER THERE WAS SOMEBODY ELSE |
| 215 | SO SHE WOULD AGREE TO WORK WITH YOU |
| 216 | 'CAUSE YOU FIGURE IF YOU SPEND TIME TOGETHER |
| 217 | MAYBE SOMETHING MIGHT HAPPEN. |
| 218 | YOU'RE GOOD. YOU'RE GOOD. |
| 219 | YEAH, NO, I'M FAIRLY INTUITIVE |
| 220 | AND PSYCHIC. |
| 221 | IT'S A SUBSTANTIAL GIFT. |
| 222 | LISTEN... |
| 223 | CAN YOU PROMISE ME THAT YOU WON'T TELL HER? |
| 224 | ABSOLUTELY. |
| 225 | OH, I PROMISE. |
| 226 | TELL HER WHAT? |
| 227 | THANKS A LOT. |
| 228 | NO, I'M SERIOUS. |
| 229 | I'M INTUITIVE, BUT MY MEMORY SUCKS. |
| 230 | OKAY, BUT THIS IS THE LAST TIME. |
| 231 | WITH A CHICK-CHICK HERE AND A CHICK-CHICK THERE |
| 232 | HERE A CHICK, THERE A CHICK, EVERYWHERE |
| 233 | A CHICK-CHICK |
| 234 | CHICKEN... |
| 235 | HEY. |
| 236 | HEY. |
| 237 | HOW'S SHE DOING? |
| 238 | SHE? |
| 239 | WELL, YEAH. DON'T YOU THINK IT'S A SHE? |
| 240 | I DON'T KNOW. |
| 241 | I CAN'T TELL. |
| 242 | WHATEVER IT WAS WENT BACK IN TOO QUICKLY. |
| 243 | WELL, ANYWAY, I GOT TO GO CHANGE. |
| 244 | I'M MEETING SOME OF THE CAST FOR DRINKS. |
| 245 | EXCUSE ME? |
| 246 | WHAT? |
| 247 | I STAYED HOME FROM WORK TODAY |
| 248 | WHILE YOU WERE AT REHEARSAL |
| 249 | SO SOMEBODY COULD BE HERE WITH OUR CHICK. |
| 250 | HEY, WHO WAS UP FROM 2:00 THIS MORNING |
| 251 | UNTIL 5:00 THIS MORNING TRYING TO GET HER BACK TO SLEEP? |
| 252 | YOU DON'T THINK I GET UP WHEN YOU GET UP? |
| 253 | OH, HERE IT COMES. |
| 254 | YES. |
| 255 | HERE IT COMES. |
| 256 | I'M STUCK HERE ALL DAY |
| 257 | AND THEN YOU COME IN |
| 258 | AND SPEND TWO SECONDS WITH US... |
| 259 | AND THEN EXPECT TO GO OFF GALLIVANTING |
| 260 | WITH YOUR FRIENDS? |
| 261 | WELL, I DON'T THINK SO, MISTER. |
| 262 | HEY, I NEED TO RELAX. |
| 263 | OKAY? |
| 264 | I WAS WORKING ALL DAY. |
| 265 | AND YOU DON'T THINK |
| 266 | TAKING CARE OF OUR CHICK IS WORK? |
| 267 | THAT'S NOT WHAT I SAID. |
| 268 | OKAY? |
| 269 | I JUST MEANT... |
| 270 | I KNOW WHAT YOU MEANT. |
| 271 | HAVE YOU NOTICED THAT EVER SINCE WE GOT THIS CHICK |
| 272 | WE'VE BEEN FIGHTING A LOT MORE THAN WE USED TO? |
| 273 | I DON'T KNOW-- |
| 274 | MAYBE WE WEREN'T READY TO HAVE A CHICK. |
| 275 | I'LL TAKE HER BACK TOMORROW. |
| 276 | DO YOU THINK WE'LL GET OUR THREE BUCKS BACK? |
| 277 | HEY. |
| 278 | HI. |
| 279 | OH, HEY. |
| 280 | LISTEN, I HAVE THAT TV THING IN LIKE TWO HOURS |
| 281 | AND I NEED YOUR HELP, OKAY? |
| 282 | WHAT DO YOU THINK? |
| 283 | THIS BLUE SUIT OR THIS BROWN ONE? |
| 284 | Joey: WELL... |
| 285 | THE BROWN ONE BRINGS OUT YOUR EYES. |
| 286 | BUT YOUR BUTT LOOKS GREAT IN THE BLUE ONE. |
| 287 | REALLY? |
| 288 | OW! |
| 289 | OH! |
| 290 | WOW. |
| 291 | THAT ASPIRIN DANCE REALLY WORKS. |
| 292 | OW! |
| 293 | OH, MY GOD, DOES THAT STILL...? |
| 294 | I'M FINE, I'M FINE. |
| 295 | NO, YOU'RE NOT. |
| 296 | YES, I AM. RACH... |
| 297 | LOOK, I'M FINE. WATCH. |
| 298 | LOOK AT THAT. |
| 299 | UH-UH... |
| 300 | OH...! |
| 301 | OKAY, OKAY, LOOK |
| 302 | YOU'VE GOT TO GO GOT A DOCTOR, OKAY? |
| 303 | NO. I HAVE TO GET READY |
| 304 | AND GO TO A DINNER AT MY BOSS'S HOUSE. |
| 305 | THERE'S PEOPLE THERE THAT I HAVE TO MEET. |
| 306 | YOU'LL MAKE A GREAT IMPRESSION. |
| 307 | "HI. I'M RACHEL GREEN. |
| 308 | IT'S NICE TO MEET YOU." |
| 309 | COME ON. |
| 310 | YOU PROBABLY HAVE A BROKEN RIB. |
| 311 | I WILL GO TO THE HOSPITAL TOMORROW. |
| 312 | IT WILL STILL BE BROKEN THEN. |
| 313 | YOU KNOW, I COULD USE A HAND GETTING READY. |
| 314 | RACHEL... |
| 315 | EITHER HELP ME OR GO. |
| 316 | FINE. I'LL GO. |
| 317 | OKAY, BUT BEFORE YOU GO, COULD YOU HELP ME FIRST? |
| 318 | SURE. |
| 319 | I'LL HELP YOU. |
| 320 | OH, GOOD. GOOD. |
| 321 | DO YOU GUYS KNOW HOW TO GET A CHICK |
| 322 | OUT OF A VCR? |
| 323 | YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 324 | I CANNOT DO THIS WITH MY LEFT HAND. |
| 325 | WOULD YOU PLEASE HELP ME WITH THIS, TOO? |
| 326 | OH... |
| 327 | OKAY, LET'S USE THIS BRUSH. |
| 328 | OKAY. |
| 329 | THIS STUFF? |
| 330 | YEAH. BE CAREFUL. |
| 331 | NOW, YOU WANT TO JUST SWEEP IT ACROSS THE LID. |
| 332 | JUST SWEEP IT. |
| 333 | OKEY-DOKEY. |
| 334 | WHOA! SORRY. |
| 335 | THAT'S JUST POKING ME IN THE EYE. |
| 336 | I'M SORRY... CLOSE, CLOSE. |
| 337 | OKAY, JUST SWEEP IT. |
| 338 | I'M SWEEPING. |
| 339 | SWEEP, SWEEP. |
| 340 | OKAY, NOW, MAKE IT EVEN, BECAUSE WE DON'T... |
| 341 | WHAT? WHAT? |
| 342 | WE DON'T WANT IT TO BE TOO MUCH. |
| 343 | NO, NO, YOU KNOW YOU DON'T WEAR ENOUGH OF THIS. |
| 344 | SINCE WHEN... |
| 345 | SINCE WHEN DO YOU THINK |
| 346 | I DON'T WEAR ENOUGH OF THIS? |
| 347 | WELL, I... CLOSE YOUR EYES. |
| 348 | I JUST THINK YOU'RE GOING TO LIKE THIS BETTER |
| 349 | 'CAUSE... CLOSE, CLOSE... |
| 350 | BLOW IT OFF. |
| 351 | SORRY. 'CAUSE, UM, I THINK THIS WILL MAKE YOU |
| 352 | A LITTLE MORE SOPHISTICATED. |
| 353 | SOPHISTICATED LIKE A HOOKER? |
| 354 | ( laughing ) |
| 355 | HEY. |
| 356 | HEY. |
| 357 | GUESS WHAT I'M DOING TONIGHT? |
| 358 | I'M CHECKING OUT THE RESTAURANT WITH PETE. |
| 359 | OH, MONICA, I AM SO EXCITED FOR YOU! |
| 360 | OOH, I HAVE TO TELL YOU SOMETHING. |
| 361 | WHAT? |
| 362 | WELL, I CAN'T TELL YOU. |
| 363 | OKAY, BUT WOULDN'T IT BE EASIER |
| 364 | IF YOU HAD TO TELL ME SOMETHING |
| 365 | THAT YOU COULD TELL ME? |
| 366 | WELL, SURE, IN A PERFECT WORLD. |
| 367 | BUT, NO |
| 368 | I PROMISED I WOULDN'T TELL |
| 369 | AND I SWORE TO ALL MY GODS. |
| 370 | OKAY. |
| 371 | DOES IT HAVE TO DO WITH ROSS AND RACHEL? |
| 372 | NO. |
| 373 | DOES IT HAVE TO DO WITH JOEY? |
| 374 | NO. |
| 375 | DOES IT HAVE TO DO WITH CHANDLER |
| 376 | AND THAT SOCK THAT HE KEEPS BY HIS BED? |
| 377 | NO, BUT LET'S COME BACK TO THAT LATER. |
| 378 | UH... UH... HUH. |
| 379 | THERE YOU GO. |
| 380 | GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOUR PARTY, HUH? |
| 381 | SURE. |
| 382 | SURE, I'LL JUST SIT NEXT TO THE TRANSSEXUAL FROM PURCHASING. |
| 383 | COME ON. |
| 384 | OKAY, COME ON. |
| 385 | ALL RIGHT, I GOT TO GO. |
| 386 | SO GOOD LUCK AT THE PARTY, OKAY? |
| 387 | ROSS, COULD YOU STAY AND HELP ME GET DRESSED? |
| 388 | SURE. |
| 389 | OKAY. |
| 390 | OKAY, GREAT. |
| 391 | UM, OKAY, JUST... |
| 392 | TURN AROUND. |
| 393 | WHAT? |
| 394 | I DON'T WANT YOU TO SEE ME NAKED. |
| 395 | RACHEL, I'VE SEEN YOU NAKED A MILLION TIMES. |
| 396 | I ATE HOT FUDGE OFF YOU NAKED. |
| 397 | REMEMBER I SUCKED THAT MINI-MARSHMALLOW |
| 398 | OUT OF YOUR BELLY BUTTON? |
| 399 | YEAH, BUT THAT WAS DIFFERENT, YOU KNOW? |
| 400 | I MEAN, WE WERE GOING OUT THEN. |
| 401 | NOW I THINK IT'S WEIRD. |
| 402 | RACH, YOU KNOW, I CAN SEE YOU NAKED |
| 403 | ANYTIME I WANT. |
| 404 | WHAT? |
| 405 | ( laughing ) |
| 406 | ALL I HAVE TO DO IS CLOSE MY EYES. |
| 407 | SEE? WHOO-HOO! |
| 408 | ROSS, STOP THAT! |
| 409 | COME ON. |
| 410 | I DON'T WANT YOU THINKING OF ME LIKE THAT ANYMORE. |
| 411 | UH, SORRY. NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT. |
| 412 | IT'S ONE OF MY RIGHTS AS THE EX-BOYFRIEND. |
| 413 | HUH? UH... OH, YEAH. |
| 414 | STOP IT. |
| 415 | CUT IT OUT, CUT IT OUT! |
| 416 | OKAY, OKAY, I'M SORRY. |
| 417 | IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN... |
| 418 | WAIT A MINUTE! |
| 419 | WAIT, WAIT... |
| 420 | NOW THERE ARE 100 OF YOU, AND I'M THE KING. |
| 421 | ROSS... |
| 422 | OH, COME ON. |
| 423 | WOULD YOU GROW UP? |
| 424 | IT'S NO BIG DEAL. |
| 425 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 426 | FINE. |
| 427 | YOWSAH!!! |
| 428 | OKAY! |
| 429 | SEE WHAT YOU DID? |
| 430 | I'M GOING TO BE DOING IT BY MYSELF NOW. |
| 431 | THAT'S IT. OW! OH! OW, OW! |
| 432 | LOOK, LOOK, OKAY, RACH, EASY, EASY. |
| 433 | YOU HAVE TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL, OKAY? |
| 434 | OKAY, I DO. |
| 435 | I REALLY DO. |
| 436 | I'M GOING TO GET YOUR COAT |
| 437 | AND PUT YOU IN A CAB. |
| 438 | OH, YOU'RE NOT GOING TO COME WITH ME? |
| 439 | OF COURSE I AM. |
| 440 | I JUST HAVE TO MAKE A CALL. |
| 441 | OKAY? |
| 442 | THANK YOU. |
| 443 | ( door shuts ) |
| 444 | OW! GAH...! |
| 445 | WHAT, WHAT'S WRONG? |
| 446 | I'M SORRY. I JUST CAN'T GO TO THE HOSPITAL |
| 447 | LOOKING LIKE THIS. |
| 448 | DOES IT INVOLVE TRAVEL? |
| 449 | NO! |
| 450 | DOES IT INVOLVE CLOGS? |
| 451 | WAIT, WAIT, CLOGS OR CLAWS? |
| 452 | CLOGS. |
| 453 | NO. |
| 454 | CLAWS? |
| 455 | NO. |
| 456 | OKAY, SO IT DOESN'T INVOLVE ROSS OR RACHEL |
| 457 | OR CHANDLER OR JOEY? |
| 458 | WELL, WHAT ABOUT PETE? |
| 459 | NO! |
| 460 | WHAT IS IT?! |
| 461 | WHAT ABOUT PETE? |
| 462 | I DON'T KNOW. |
| 463 | OKAY, I FEEL LIKE I'M TALKING TO LASSIE. |
| 464 | GREAT. PHOEBE, WOULD YOU JUST TELL ME? |
| 465 | I CAN'T! |
| 466 | I GOT TO GO. |
| 467 | YOU'RE SO CLOSE. NO! |
| 468 | DOES IT INVOLVE PETE'S COMPUTER COMPANY? |
| 469 | UGH! JUST GO! YOU'RE NEVER |
| 470 | GOING TO GET IT! |
| 471 | ( chick peeping ) |
| 472 | I KNOW. |
| 473 | YES, THAT'S YASMINE BLEETH. |
| 474 | SHE'S A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT KIND OF CHICK. |
| 475 | I LOVE YOU BOTH... |
| 476 | BUT IN VERY DIFFERENT WAYS. |
| 477 | HEY. |
| 478 | HI. |
| 479 | OH, AH! |
| 480 | I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO TAKE HER |
| 481 | BACK TO THE STORE TODAY. |
| 482 | I DID, BUT THE STORE WOULDN'T TAKE HER BACK |
| 483 | SO, THEN I TOOK HER TO THE SHELTER |
| 484 | AND YOU KNOW WHAT I FOUND OUT? |
| 485 | IF THEY CAN'T FIND A HOME FOR HER |
| 486 | THEY KILL HER! |
| 487 | AND I'M NOT GOING TO LET THAT HAPPEN |
| 488 | TO LITTLE YASMINE. |
| 489 | OKAY, GOOD, GOOD, GOOD |
| 490 | 'CAUSE I WAS HAVING SECOND THOUGHTS, TOO. |
| 491 | OKAY. |
| 492 | AND IT'S NOT JUST CHICKS, YOU KNOW. |
| 493 | IT'S ALL KINDS OF OTHER ANIMALS. |
| 494 | THAT'S HORRIBLE! |
| 495 | WELL, YOU DID THE RIGHT THING, MAN. |
| 496 | THANKS. I'M GLAD YOU SEE IT THAT WAY. |
| 497 | ( duck quacking ) |
| 498 | OH, FUNNY STORY. |
| 499 | I DON'T BELIEVE THIS! |
| 500 | WOW, LOOK AT THIS REFRIGERATOR! |
| 501 | IT'S GIGANTIC! |
| 502 | I COULD LIVE IN THIS THING! |
| 503 | I'D BE COLD, BUT I'M ALWAYS COLD. |
| 504 | OH, MY GOD, LOOK AT THESE SPIDER BURNERS! |
| 505 | I LOVE SPIDER BURNERS! |
| 506 | SO YOU LIKE IT? |
| 507 | OH, IT IS SO PERFECT! |
| 508 | THANK YOU SO MUCH! |
| 509 | YOU'RE WELCOME. |
| 510 | ( inhaling ) |
| 511 | DID YOU JUST SMELL MY HAIR? |
| 512 | NO. |
| 513 | NO WAY. WHAT? NO. |
| 514 | OH, GOD. |
| 515 | WHAT? |
| 516 | YOU STILL HAVE FEELINGS FOR ME, DON'T YOU? |
| 517 | NO. NO. |
| 518 | I'M JUST EXCITED ABOUT THE RESTAURANT, THAT'S ALL. |
| 519 | PETE... |
| 520 | OKAY, I LOVE YOU. |
| 521 | IS THAT SO BAD? |
| 522 | NO, IT'S NOT BAD. |
| 523 | IT'S NOT BAD AT ALL. |
| 524 | IT'S... IT'S REALLY NICE. |
| 525 | LOOK, THE ONLY ONE WHO STANDS TO GET HURT IS ME |
| 526 | AND I'M OKAY WITH THAT. |
| 527 | YEAH, YOU MAY BE OKAY WITH GETTING HURT |
| 528 | BUT I AM NOT OKAY WITH BEING THE ONE WHO HURTS YOU. |
| 529 | THAT'S WHY I CAN'T TAKE THIS JOB. |
| 530 | WHAT? |
| 531 | WE PROBABLY SHOULDN'T SEE EACH OTHER ANYMORE. |
| 532 | I'M SORRY. |
| 533 | OKAY. YEAH. |
| 534 | I MEAN, IF THAT'S REALLY WHAT YOU WANT, OKAY. |
| 535 | OKAY. BYE. |
| 536 | I'M SORRY THINGS DIDN'T WORK OUT... |
| 537 | SHUT UP FOR A SECOND, AND LET ME JUST SEE SOMETHING. |
| 538 | OH, WOW! |
| 539 | YOU'D TELL ME THE TRUTH, RIGHT? |
| 540 | RACH, YOU CAN'T LOOK FAT IN AN X RAY. |
| 541 | OKAY, NOW, YOU STAY OUT HERE |
| 542 | AND YOU THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU DID! |
| 543 | THAT'S A DUCK. |
| 544 | THAT'S A BAD DUCK! |
| 545 | HOW'D THE THING GO TONIGHT, ROSS? |
| 546 | UH, IT WAS... NAH, WELL... |
| 547 | WHAT THING? WHAT THING? |
| 548 | THIS THING AT THE MUSEUM. |
| 549 | COME ON. |
| 550 | EASY. |
| 551 | OKAY |
| 552 | NOW, WHEN YOU COME BACK, I HOPE YOU REMEMBER |
| 553 | THAT THAT CHICK IS NOT A TOY! |
| 554 | WHAT IS THIS THING? |
| 555 | UH, I WAS TRYING TO... |
| 556 | I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE ON TV TONIGHT |
| 557 | FOR THE DISCOVERY CHANNEL. |
| 558 | OH, MY GOD! |
| 559 | ROSS, WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME THAT? |
| 560 | AH, 'CAUSE I KNEW THAT IF I TOLD YOU |
| 561 | YOU'D MAKE ME GO, AND I KNEW |
| 562 | YOU NEEDED SOMEONE TO BE WITH YOU TONIGHT. |
| 563 | COME ON. |
| 564 | COME ON. |
| 565 | I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU. |
| 566 | WHAT? |
| 567 | THAT IS THE SWEETEST THING. |
| 568 | I JUST... |
| 569 | YOU SHOULD GET SOME SLEEP. |
| 570 | OKAY. |
| 571 | I'M SORRY I SPOILED YOUR EVENING. |
| 572 | NO. AS LONG AS YOU'RE OKAY. |
| 573 | OH, YEAH. |
| 574 | SO, I'LL, UH... |
| 575 | I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW. |
| 576 | MM-HMM. YEAH. |
| 577 | SEE YOU. |
| 578 | WHAT DID YOU DO? |
| 579 | ( chick peeping ) |
| 580 | WHAT YOU DOING? |
| 581 | HAVING A SWIM. |
| 582 | WHAT ABOUT THE CHICK? |
| 583 | CHICKS DON'T SWIM. |
| 584 | ARE YOU SURE? |
| 585 | I DON'T KNOW. |
| 586 | SHALL WE TRY? |
| 587 | SURE. |
| 588 | SEE? I TOLD YOU-- THEY DON'T SWIM. |
| 589 | WAIT, WAIT-- GIVE HIM A MINUTE. |
| 590 | NO! |
| 591 | OH, IT'S OKAY, IT'S OKAY. |
| 592 | PEEP-PEEP-PEEP- PEEP-PEEP. |
| 593 | ( hair dryer blowing ) |
| 594 | [Captioned by The Caption Center WGBH Educational Foundation] |
| 595 | |
| 1 | PHOEBE, ARE YOU STILL ON HOLD? |
| 2 | I WAS SUPPOSED TO CALL MY DAD BACK TWO HOURS AGO. |
| 3 | YEAH, HE CLICKED ON. |
| 4 | HE SAID CALL HIM WHEN YOU GET A CHANCE. |
| 5 | HE'S AT FLIMBY'S. |
| 6 | WHAT'S FLIMBY'S? |
| 7 | OH, YEAH, THAT'S THE WORD I USE |
| 8 | WHEN I CAN'T REMEMBER |
| 9 | THE REAL THING. |
| 10 | OKAY, HANG UP. |
| 11 | THAT'S IT. COME ON. |
| 12 | NO, THAT'S WHAT THEY WANT ME TO DO. |
| 13 | MY WARRANTY EXPIRES TOMORROW. |
| 14 | IF I DON'T GET THROUGH, THEY'RE NOT GOING TO FIX |
| 15 | MY CRAPPY, BROKEN PHONE FOR FREE. |
| 16 | WE CANNOT LET THEM WIN. |
| 17 | IT'S US VERSUS THEM. |
| 18 | YES! |
| 19 | HEY. |
| 20 | LISTEN, I GOT TO DOUBLE-CHECK FOR TICKETS TONIGHT. |
| 21 | I HAVE ONE. I HAVE ONE. |
| 22 | I NEED TWO. |
| 23 | I'M BRINGING PETE |
| 24 | MY BOYFRIEND. |
| 25 | I HAVE A BOYFRIEND NOW. |
| 26 | TWO IT IS. |
| 27 | ROSS, HOW ABOUT YOU? |
| 28 | UH, YEAH, I, UH... I ALSO NEED TWO. |
| 29 | Monica: REALLY? |
| 30 | WHO'S NUMBER TWO? |
| 31 | WHOSE NUMBER TWO? |
| 32 | ONE OF THE MORE DIFFICULT GAMES SEWER WORKERS PLAY. |
| 33 | NO, IT'S JUST THIS PERSON. |
| 34 | LIKE A DATE TYPE OF PERSON? |
| 35 | YEAH, KIND OF. |
| 36 | IT'S THIS WOMAN FROM WORK. |
| 37 | I HOPE THAT WON'T BE TOO WEIRD. |
| 38 | WILL IT, RACH? |
| 39 | NO. |
| 40 | NO, NOT AT ALL. |
| 41 | I WAS ACTUALLY GOING TO BRING SOMEONE MYSELF. |
| 42 | BUT YOU SAID ONE TICKET. |
| 43 | I MEANT ME PLUS ONE. |
| 44 | OKAY, DID YOU GUYS MEAN YOU PLUS ONE? |
| 45 | I'LL SEE YOU TONIGHT. |
| 46 | OKAY. |
| 47 | OKAY, BYE-BYE. |
| 48 | BYE-BYE. |
| 49 | OKAY, I NEED A DATE. |
| 50 | OH, HEY, YOU GUYS ARE FINALLY GOING |
| 51 | TO GET TO MEET KATE. |
| 52 | I BORROWED SOME OF YOUR COLOGNE. |
| 53 | I HOPE SHE LIKES IT. |
| 54 | THIS IS NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN. |
| 55 | SHE'S SEEING SOMEBODY. |
| 56 | YEAH, AND I DON'T HAVE ANY COLOGNE. |
| 57 | GREEN BOTTLE NEXT TO THE SHAVING CREAM. |
| 58 | OH, WORM MEDICINE FOR THE DUCK. |
| 59 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 60 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 61 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 62 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 63 | ♪ WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY ♪ |
| 64 | ♪ YOUR WEEK, YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 65 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 66 | ♪ WHEN THE RAIN STARTS TO POUR ♪ |
| 67 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 68 | ♪ LIKE I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE ♪ |
| 69 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 70 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME TOO. ♪ |
| 71 | HERE YOU GO. |
| 72 | YOU CAN WEAR THIS. |
| 73 | THANKS. OKAY. |
| 74 | OH, I'M SETTING THE PHONE DOWN. |
| 75 | BUT I'M STILL HERE. |
| 76 | JUST DON'T GO ANYWHERE. |
| 77 | I'M STILL HERE. |
| 78 | DON'T SWITCH OR ANYTHING, 'CAUSE I'M RIGHT HERE. |
| 79 | JUST ONE SEC. |
| 80 | ONE SEC. |
| 81 | ONE SECOND! |
| 82 | WAIT! ONE SECOND! |
| 83 | PHOEBE? |
| 84 | WHAT, MONICA? |
| 85 | I'M SCARED! |
| 86 | HONEY, HONEY, THAT'S A SLEEVE. |
| 87 | OKAY? |
| 88 | AND WE ALSO HAVE A SPEAKERPHONE. |
| 89 | Woman: Please stay on the line. |
| 90 | Your call is important to us. |
| 91 | YOU'VE GOT TO HANG UP. WE'RE LATE. |
| 92 | Thank you for your patience. |
| 93 | You're the next caller. |
| 94 | YES! YES! I'M THE NEXT CALLER! |
| 95 | YOU WERE GOING TO HAVE ME HANG UP. |
| 96 | HEY. |
| 97 | CAN YOU TAKE A DUCK AND A CHICK TO THE THEATER? |
| 98 | OF COURSE NOT. NO. |
| 99 | OKAY. I JUST WANTED THEM TO HEAR IT FROM SOMEBODY ELSE. |
| 100 | HEY, RACH. |
| 101 | OH, HI. |
| 102 | HOW ARE YOU? |
| 103 | GOOD. |
| 104 | UM, SO IT LOOKS LIKE WE'RE THE FIRST ONES HERE. |
| 105 | YEAH, LOOKS THAT WAY. |
| 106 | FIRST ONES HERE! WHOO! |
| 107 | YAY! |
| 108 | OH, TOMMY, THIS IS ROSS. |
| 109 | ROSS, TOMMY. |
| 110 | OH, I'M SORRY. |
| 111 | THIS IS CAILIN. |
| 112 | CAILIN.... |
| 113 | AND... BREAK. |
| 114 | ( nervous laughter ) |
| 115 | OKAY. |
| 116 | I THINK I'M GOING TO RUN TO THE LADIES' ROOM. |
| 117 | I'LL JOIN YOU. |
| 118 | I'LL GET OUR SEATS. |
| 119 | OKAY. |
| 120 | SO, UH... WELL, THIS IS... THIS IS AWKWARD. |
| 121 | YEAH? |
| 122 | 'CAUSE RACHEL AND I USED TO GO OUT. |
| 123 | OH, I DIDN'T KNOW THAT. |
| 124 | OH. |
| 125 | WELL, THEN THIS IS AWKWARD. |
| 126 | SO WHAT DO YOU...? |
| 127 | I THINK WE'RE HERE. |
| 128 | OH. YEAH. |
| 129 | UH... HUH. |
| 130 | EXCUSE ME. |
| 131 | I'M SORRY. I THINK YOU MAY BE IN OUR SEATS. |
| 132 | UM, NO, I DON'T THINK SO. |
| 133 | COULD WE TAKE A LOOK AT YOUR TICKET? |
| 134 | SURE. |
| 135 | YEAH, YOU SEE, THIS SAYS D-13 AND... |
| 136 | OH, WELL, I THOUGHT THAT WE WERE... |
| 137 | YOU THOUGHT, HUH? |
| 138 | THAT DIDN'T REALLY WORK OUT TOO WELL FOR YOU |
| 139 | IDIOT! |
| 140 | WHAT ARE YOU-- A MORON? |
| 141 | IT SAYS D-13, OKAY? |
| 142 | YOU'RE SURROUNDED BY EVEN NUMBERS. |
| 143 | DOES THAT GIVE YOU SOME CLUE? |
| 144 | UH, THE USHER TOLD US... |
| 145 | THE USHER MUST BE RIGHT. |
| 146 | WHAT, WITH ALL THE TRAINING THEY GO THROUGH. |
| 147 | GET OUT! |
| 148 | HERE! |
| 149 | HEY, MAN, YOU WANT THE AISLE? |
| 150 | NO, I'M GOOD. |
| 151 | THERE HE IS. |
| 152 | THERE'S OUR STAR. |
| 153 | SO, SO, WHAT DID YOU THINK? |
| 154 | ALMOST AS GOOD AS THE PLAY WITH THE TWO NAKED GIRLS |
| 155 | ON THE SEE-SAW. |
| 156 | I WASN'T IN THAT. |
| 157 | I KNOW. |
| 158 | OH, HEY, HEY, KATE. |
| 159 | LISTEN, I WANT YOU TO MEET EVERYBODY. |
| 160 | EVERYBODY, THIS IS KATE. |
| 161 | EXCUSE ME, EXCUSE ME. |
| 162 | SWEETHEART. |
| 163 | HI. |
| 164 | COME. |
| 165 | SO THAT'S THE GIRL YOU LIKE. |
| 166 | I'M TELLING YOU |
| 167 | THIS GUY RACHEL IS WITH IS CRAZY, OKAY? |
| 168 | HE VICIOUSLY SCREAMED AT TOTAL STRANGERS. |
| 169 | I THINK HE'S BAD NEWS. |
| 170 | WAIT A MINUTE. WAIT A MINUTE. |
| 171 | YOU DON'T LIKE THE GUY RACHEL'S DATING? |
| 172 | WELL, THAT'S ODD. |
| 173 | OH, HEY, LAUREN. |
| 174 | THIS IS KATE'S UNDERSTUDY, LAUREN. |
| 175 | HI. HI. |
| 176 | GOSH, YOU LOOK SO FAMILIAR. |
| 177 | YEAH. I RAN INTO YOU |
| 178 | IN THE HALLWAY IN YOUR BUILDING. |
| 179 | IT WAS RIGHT AFTER I SLEPT WITH JOEY. |
| 180 | HE DUMPED ME THE NEXT DAY. |
| 181 | SO HOW'D YOU GUYS MEET? |
| 182 | WELL, UH, THE SHORT VERSION IS |
| 183 | I PURSUED HER FOR A COUPLE OF MONTHS |
| 184 | THEN I GAVE HER A CHECK FOR $20,000 |
| 185 | AND SHE WAS MINE. |
| 186 | YEAH, AND IN THE LONG VERSION |
| 187 | I DUMP HIM FOR TELLING PEOPLE THE SHORT VERSION. |
| 188 | JOEY, SWEETHEART, YOU WERE FABULOUS. |
| 189 | HEY, YOU GUYS, THIS IS MY AGENT, ESTELLE. |
| 190 | HOW DO YOU DO? |
| 191 | OH, YOU TWO GIRLS |
| 192 | WERE OUTSTANDING. |
| 193 | DO THEY HAVE REPRESENTATION? |
| 194 | NO, THEY WEREN'T IN THE PLAY. |
| 195 | WE'RE NOT ACTORS. |
| 196 | OH, WHAT A SHAME. |
| 197 | BECAUSE WITH HER FACE AND HER CHEST |
| 198 | I COULD REALLY PUT SOMETHING TOGETHER. |
| 199 | COULD I BORROW IT? |
| 200 | HI. |
| 201 | REMEMBER ME? |
| 202 | HI. |
| 203 | YEAH... TOMMY'S IN LINE FOR THE BATHROOM |
| 204 | AND SOMEONE JUST CUT IN FRONT OF HIM. |
| 205 | I THINK HE'S GOING TO SNAP. |
| 206 | ROSS, I'M GOING TO GO. |
| 207 | GO? WHY? |
| 208 | I DON'T KNOW. |
| 209 | COULD BE BECAUSE I DON'T FEEL LIKE STANDING AROUND ALL NIGHT |
| 210 | WAITING FOR SOME GUY |
| 211 | WHO MAY OR MAY NOT SCREAM. |
| 212 | BUT, CAILIN, HE DEFINITELY WILL SCREAM. |
| 213 | GOOD-BYE, ROSS. |
| 214 | UH, UH, ALL RIGHT. |
| 215 | ( clearing throat ) |
| 216 | HERE WE GO, PEOPLE. |
| 217 | ( chuckling ) |
| 218 | ( clears throat ) |
| 219 | BOXING DAY. |
| 220 | "THE LUCILLE LORTEL THEATER..." BUDDA, BUDDA, BUDDA... |
| 221 | A-HA. |
| 222 | "JOEY TRIBBIANI GIVES AN UNEVEN PERFORMANCE. |
| 223 | "BUT MR. TRIBBIANI IS NOT THE WORST THING |
| 224 | IN THIS PRODUCTION." |
| 225 | YES! |
| 226 | "KATE MILLER'S AWKWARD AND MANNERED PORTRAYAL |
| 227 | IS LAUGHABLE." |
| 228 | BUDDA, BUDDA, BUDDA... |
| 229 | A-HA-- HERE IT IS. |
| 230 | "THE DIRECTION |
| 231 | BY MARSHALL TOWNEND IS..." |
| 232 | THANK YOU, BOYS AND GIRLS. |
| 233 | YOU'VE RUINED MY LIFE. |
| 234 | PLEASE STUFF YOUR TALENTLESS FACES |
| 235 | WITH MY MOTHER'S CRAB CAKES! |
| 236 | EXCUSE ME! |
| 237 | DOES ANYONE MIND IF I SAVE THIS? |
| 238 | HEY. |
| 239 | OH, IS THE PLAY OVER? |
| 240 | YEAH. WHERE WERE YOU? |
| 241 | Thank you for your patience. |
| 242 | You're the next caller. |
| 243 | YOU WERE THE NEXT CALLER FIVE HOURS AGO. |
| 244 | YOU MUST BE GOING CRAZY. |
| 245 | NAH, I KEPT MYSELF BUSY. |
| 246 | OH, OKAY. I PUT YOUR STUFF IN HER ROOM |
| 247 | AND HER STUFF IN YOUR ROOM. |
| 248 | HEY, YOU OKAY? |
| 249 | FABULOUS. |
| 250 | LISTEN, DRAMA CRITICS-- THEY'RE NOTHING BUT PEOPLE |
| 251 | WHO COULDN'T MAKE IT AS ACTORS. |
| 252 | YOU KNOW WHAT YOU SHOULD DO? |
| 253 | BECOME A DRAMA CRITIC. |
| 254 | ( loud thump ) |
| 255 | I AM HURT! |
| 256 | A PLAGUE ON BOTH YOUR HOUSES. |
| 257 | BY THE WAY, HE DUMPED ME TONIGHT |
| 258 | AFTER HE READ MY REVIEW. |
| 259 | OH, CLASSY. |
| 260 | YEP. |
| 261 | I SURE KNOW HOW TO PICK 'EM, HUH? |
| 262 | YOU KNOW, I GAVE UP A PART ON A SOAP FOR THIS? |
| 263 | WOW. |
| 264 | YEAH, I GAVE UP A JOB, TOO. |
| 265 | REALLY? WHAT? |
| 266 | DECLAWING CATS. |
| 267 | HEY, TELL YOU WHAT, LET ME WALK YOU HOME. |
| 268 | WE'LL STOP BY EVERY NEWSSTAND |
| 269 | AND BURN EVER COPY OF THEIR TIMES AND THE POST. |
| 270 | WHY THE POST? |
| 271 | YOU DIDN'T SEE THE POST? |
| 272 | NO. YOU? |
| 273 | NO. WHY? |
| 274 | ( laughing ): YOU REALLY THINK |
| 275 | THESE NEWSPAPERS ARE JUST JEALOUS OF ME? |
| 276 | ABSOLUTELY. |
| 277 | YOU'RE TALENTED AND YOU'RE GOOD-LOOKING. |
| 278 | YOU'RE SWEET AND CUTE. |
| 279 | I KNOW. |
| 280 | THAT'S WHY THEY TRASHED ME. |
| 281 | WHOA, WAIT A MINUTE. |
| 282 | WHAT? |
| 283 | I DON'T GET YOU. |
| 284 | I MEAN, FIRST YOU HATE ME |
| 285 | THEN YOU SLEEP WITH ME |
| 286 | THEN YOU WANT NOTHING TO DO WITH ME |
| 287 | NOW YOU WANT ME AGAIN? |
| 288 | WHAT? SO YOU NEVER WENT OUT WITH AN ACTRESS BEFORE? |
| 289 | KATE... DO YOU EVEN LIKE ME? |
| 290 | OF COURSE I DO. |
| 291 | SO HOW COME YOU BLEW ME OFF? |
| 292 | YOU KNOW, HOW COME YOU WERE WITH HIM? |
| 293 | I DON'T KNOW. |
| 294 | I JUST... JUST DO THIS. |
| 295 | I ALWAYS HAVE TO PICK |
| 296 | LIKE THE SMARTEST GUY OR THE MOST TALENTED GUY. |
| 297 | WHY CAN'T I JUST PICK SOMEONE LIKE YOU? |
| 298 | THANKS. |
| 299 | YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. |
| 300 | I MEAN LIKE THE SWEETEST GUY. |
| 301 | JOEY, YOU'RE JUST SO... |
| 302 | YOU'RE SO... |
| 303 | SO... |
| 304 | OKAY, OKAY. |
| 305 | THERE WE GO. |
| 306 | LET'S GET YOUR FEET UP. |
| 307 | GOOD NIGHT, KATE. |
| 308 | SWEET DREAMS. |
| 309 | I'M GOING TO PUT THIS CAN RIGHT HERE |
| 310 | IN CASE YOU HAVE TO HURL. |
| 311 | Please stay on the line. |
| 312 | Your call is very important to us. |
| 313 | PHEEBS, YOU'VE BEEN UP FOR 24 HOURS. |
| 314 | GO TO SLEEP, HONEY. |
| 315 | THIS ISN'T HEALTHY. |
| 316 | NO. NO, I'M FINE. |
| 317 | AND YOU KNOW WHY? |
| 318 | 'CAUSE OF ALL THE RIBOFLAVIN. |
| 319 | HEY. |
| 320 | HEY. |
| 321 | DIDN'T YOU HAVE |
| 322 | THAT OUTFIT ON LAST NIGHT? |
| 323 | YEAH. I STAYED AT KATE'S, BUT NOTHING HAPPENED. |
| 324 | OH. |
| 325 | HEY, PHEEBS, WHERE WERE YOU? |
| 326 | I'M SO, SO SORRY, JOEY. |
| 327 | I AM DEFINITELY GOING TO SEE YOUR PLAY. |
| 328 | I SWEAR, YOUR PLAY IS VERY IMPORTANT TO US. |
| 329 | THANK YOU FOR YOUR PATIENCE. |
| 330 | YOUR PLAY IS THE NEXT PLAY I'M GOING TO SEE. |
| 331 | ANYWAY, HOW'D IT GO WITH KATE? |
| 332 | AW, IT WAS GREAT. YEAH. |
| 333 | I WALKED HER HOME |
| 334 | AND IT WAS AMAZING HOW MUCH WE CONNECTED, YOU KNOW? |
| 335 | THEN SHE PASSED OUT... BUT THEN SHE WOKE UP. |
| 336 | YEAH, AND WE STAYED UP ALL NIGHT TALKING |
| 337 | AND NOW WE'RE LIKE TOTALLY CRAZY ABOUT EACH OTHER. |
| 338 | JOEY, YOU HAD THE NIGHT. |
| 339 | WHAT? |
| 340 | WHEN TWO PEOPLE FINALLY REALIZE |
| 341 | THEIR FEELINGS FOR EACH OTHER AND THEY TALK FOR HOURS |
| 342 | AND THEY LEARN ALL ABOUT THE OTHER PERSON. |
| 343 | YOU... YOU THINK? |
| 344 | DID YOU LEARN ABOUT HER FAMILY? |
| 345 | TWO BROTHERS, ONE DIED. |
| 346 | YES! |
| 347 | OH! |
| 348 | THIS IS FROM THE WOMAN AT THE BAR. |
| 349 | OH, HO, HO, HO. |
| 350 | SORRY. SHE THOUGHT YOU WERE SOMEBODY ELSE. |
| 351 | WHAT TIME IS IT? |
| 352 | 1:00. 1:00. |
| 353 | 7:15. |
| 354 | WATCH DOESN'T WORK. |
| 355 | TOMMY'S SUPPOSED TO BE HERE SOON. |
| 356 | WE'RE GOING TO LUNCH. |
| 357 | LOOK... LOOK, I WASN'T GOING TO SAY ANYTHING TO YOU |
| 358 | BUT... ALL RIGHT. |
| 359 | I DON'T THINK YOU SHOULD BE SEEING TOMMY ANYMORE. |
| 360 | YOU DON'T? |
| 361 | NO. |
| 362 | THE GUY IS MEAN-- I MEAN, REALLY MEAN. |
| 363 | I THINK YOU SHOULD STAY AWAY FROM HIM. |
| 364 | HMM, OR MAYBE... I SHOULD STAY AWAY FROM ALL MEN. |
| 365 | NO. IT'S NOT JUST BECAUSE I'M JEALOUS. |
| 366 | I MEAN, I'M NOT. |
| 367 | I'M NOT JEALOUS. |
| 368 | OKAY, IT'S... LOOK, THE GUY-- HE SCREAMED. |
| 369 | HE ACTUALLY SCREAMED AT THIS COUPLE SITTING IN OUR SEATS. |
| 370 | YEAH. AND AT THE END OF THE PLAY, HE... |
| 371 | HE GOT UP, YOU KNOW, AND HE JUST STARTED LIKE... |
| 372 | BANGING HIS HANDS TOGETHER. |
| 373 | OKAY, FINE, FINE. |
| 374 | YOU DON'T WANT TO BELIEVE ME? |
| 375 | NO, THAT'S FINE. |
| 376 | WE'RE KIDDING. |
| 377 | ROSS? |
| 378 | FINE, NO ONE BELIEVES ME. |
| 379 | I'M MR. FUNNY TO YOU. |
| 380 | MR. FUNNY... WHOA! |
| 381 | SORRY, TOM. |
| 382 | WHAT'S IN THE CUP, ROSS? |
| 383 | UM... |
| 384 | WHAT IS IN THE CUP? |
| 385 | OKAY, IT'S COFFEE. |
| 386 | ICED COFFEE? |
| 387 | TELL ME IT'S ICED COFFEE. |
| 388 | IT'S... IT'S HOT. |
| 389 | HOT COFFEE! |
| 390 | YOU IDIOT! |
| 391 | YOU'RE GOING TO SPILL HOT COFFEE ALL OVER ME?! |
| 392 | WHAT ARE YOU?! |
| 393 | JUST SOME BIG, DUMB, STUPID, DOOFIE IDIOT |
| 394 | WITH A DOOFIE-IDIOT HAIRDO, HUH?! |
| 395 | HUH?! |
| 396 | DON'T STARE AT ME WITH THAT DOOFIE-IDIOT LOOK! |
| 397 | BIG, RIDICULOUS IDIOT! |
| 398 | GEEZ, I GOT TO GO IN THERE AND TALK TO THOSE PEOPLE! |
| 399 | I'M GOING TO GO IN WITH A HUGE COFFEE STAIN |
| 400 | THAT YOU PUT ON ME?! |
| 401 | HEY. |
| 402 | TOMMY. |
| 403 | SAY, WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE THING |
| 404 | ABOUT SUMMER? |
| 405 | OOH, I DON'T KNOW. |
| 406 | PROBABLY THE SMELL OF FRESHLY CUT GRASS. |
| 407 | AW, THAT'S A GOOD ONE. |
| 408 | ( no audio ) |
| 409 | HEY, SORRY. |
| 410 | SORRY I'M LATE. SORRY I'M LATE. |
| 411 | MY DUCK AND MY CHICK HAD A FIGHT. |
| 412 | WE HELD THE CURTAIN FOR YOU, BUDDY. LET'S GO. |
| 413 | ( doorbell rings ) |
| 414 | VIC, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN, BABY? |
| 415 | WHERE'S KATE? |
| 416 | SHE GOT A JOB IN L.A. |
| 417 | WHAT? |
| 418 | ( in character ): I'VE BEEN WAITING UP |
| 419 | ALL NIGHT FOR YOU. |
| 420 | WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? |
| 421 | WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN, VIC? |
| 422 | OH, UH... |
| 423 | GO TO THE WINDOW. |
| 424 | I WANT TO RUN DOWN TO THE TRUCK |
| 425 | AND SHOW YOU SOMETHING. |
| 426 | WHAT DO YOU GOT DOWN THERE, VIC? |
| 427 | WHAT DO YOU GOT UNDER THAT TARP? |
| 428 | WHEN IS SHE LEAVING? |
| 429 | TONIGHT. |
| 430 | WHAT ARE YOU DOING? |
| 431 | I'M COMING UP. |
| 432 | HEY, DO YOU MIND IF I USE THE PHONE? |
| 433 | OH, I... |
| 434 | ( mumbling ): BUT I... AND I HAVE TO WAIT... |
| 435 | WHY DON'T YOU USE OURS ACROSS THE HALL |
| 436 | BECAUSE SHE... HAS PROBLEMS. |
| 437 | THANKS. |
| 438 | WHOA! WHOA! |
| 439 | SORRY, TOMMY. |
| 440 | I ALMOST SPILLED THIS HOT COFFEE ON YOU. |
| 441 | YEAH, BUT YOU DIDN'T. |
| 442 | NO, BUT IT'S... IT'S... IT'S HOT. |
| 443 | ROSS, WOULD YOU JUST STOP IT? |
| 444 | IT'S GETTING REALLY OLD. |
| 445 | I CAN'T BELIEVE NO ONE BELIEVES ME. |
| 446 | I DO. I BELIEVE YOU. |
| 447 | YOU DO, PHEEBS? |
| 448 | YEAH, BUT I ALSO BELIEVED HER WHEN SHE SAID I WAS NEXT. |
| 449 | OOH, HEY. |
| 450 | HEY, THERE, LITTLE FELLOW. |
| 451 | MR. FUZZY MAN, HOW YOU DOING? |
| 452 | OH. |
| 453 | OOH! EWW! |
| 454 | OW! EWW! |
| 455 | GROSS. |
| 456 | IDIOT! |
| 457 | STUPID, LITTLE, FUZZY |
| 458 | YELLOW CREATURE! |
| 459 | DON'T LOOK AT ME-- |
| 460 | "I'M SO CUTE. |
| 461 | I'M A LITTLE CHICK," WHO'S DISGUSTING! |
| 462 | GOD, YOU'RE SO STUPID! |
| 463 | HOW ARE YOU NOT YET EXTINCT?! |
| 464 | ( quacking ) |
| 465 | QUACK, QUACK! QUACK, QUACK! |
| 466 | WHAT ARE QUACKING ABOUT?! |
| 467 | DUMB DONALD DODO! |
| 468 | STEP AWAY FROM THE DUCK. |
| 469 | OOH, I'M SORRY, LITTLE MR. CHICKADEE. |
| 470 | SORRY WITH DOODY IN MY HAND! |
| 471 | WELL, I GUESS WE'RE NOT GOING OUT ANYMORE. |
| 472 | MAN! |
| 473 | JOEY... |
| 474 | KATE... |
| 475 | I'M SO GLAD I CAUGHT YOU. |
| 476 | I COULDN'T FIND YOU BEFORE. |
| 477 | WHAT'S GOING ON? WHAT'S ALL THIS ABOUT L.A.? |
| 478 | THEY STILL WANT ME FOR GENERAL HOSPITAL. |
| 479 | BUT... WELL, WHAT ABOUT US? |
| 480 | LAST NIGHT WAS WONDERFUL |
| 481 | BUT I-I-I CAN'T STAY HERE JUST FOR YOU. |
| 482 | SO STAY FOR THE MUSEUMS. |
| 483 | I'M SORRY. |
| 484 | JOEY! ON STAGE! |
| 485 | CAN YOU AT LEAST STAY TILL THE END OF THE PLAY? |
| 486 | I MEAN, I'LL GO TO THE AIRPORT WITH YOU. |
| 487 | I WANT TO SAY GOOD-BYE. |
| 488 | Lauren: WHERE ARE YOU, VIC? |
| 489 | THE FLIGHT'S IN AN HOUR. |
| 490 | I GOT TO GO. |
| 491 | VIC? |
| 492 | VIC...? |
| 493 | VIC?! |
| 494 | IN A MINUTE! |
| 495 | SO THIS IS IT, VICTOR? |
| 496 | YEAH. |
| 497 | I GUESS IT IS. |
| 498 | LISTEN, I, UH... I GOT TO SAY GOOD-BYE |
| 499 | AND I GOT TO SAY IT QUICK, 'CAUSE THIS IS KILLING ME. |
| 500 | ONE THING YOU GOT TO KNOW IS THAT... |
| 501 | I WILL NEVER FORGET YOU |
| 502 | BUT YOU GOT THINGS YOU HAVE TO DO NOW |
| 503 | AND... AND SO DO I. |
| 504 | AND SO... I'M GOING TO GET ON THIS SPACESHIP... |
| 505 | ...AND I'M GOING TO GO TO BLEARGON 7 |
| 506 | IN SEARCH OF ALTERNATIVE FUELS |
| 507 | BUT WHEN I RETURN |
| 508 | 200 YEARS FROM NOW, YOU'LL BE LONG GONE. |
| 509 | BUT I WON'T HAVE AGED AT ALL. |
| 510 | SO YOU TELL YOUR GREAT, GREAT GRANDDAUGHTER |
| 511 | TO LOOK ME UP... |
| 512 | BECAUSE, ADRIANNE, BABY |
| 513 | I'M GOING TO WANT TO MEET HER. |
| 514 | SO LONG, VIC. |
| 515 | PHOEBE, IT'S BEEN TWO DAYS. |
| 516 | YEAH, I KNOW. |
| 517 | IT'S A GOOD THING IT'S ONE OF THOSE 801 NUMBERS, RIGHT? |
| 518 | PHOEBE, 800 IS TOLL-FREE. |
| 519 | 801 IS UTAH. |
| 520 | NO, NO, NO. IT HAS TO BE 800. |
| 521 | 'CAUSE ALL THOSE BIG COMPANIES HAVE 800 NUMBERS, EVERY... |
| 522 | YEAH, EVERY BIG UTAH-BASED COMPANY HAS ONE. |
| 523 | PHOEBE! |
| 524 | SORRY. I'M SO SORRY. |
| 525 | I WILL PAY YOU BACK. |
| 526 | AND YET SHE'S STILL NOT HANGING UP THE PHONE. |
| 527 | HANG IT UP. |
| 528 | HANG UP THE PHONE! |
| 529 | FINE. FINE! |
| 530 | OH... |
| 531 | WHAT? |
| 532 | WELL, I THINK I BROKE IT, BUT THAT'S ALL RIGHT. |
| 533 | HERE'S THE NUMBER YOU CAN CALL. |
| 534 | [Captioned by The Caption Center WGBH Educational Foundation] |
| 535 | |
| 1 | HEY, WOULDN'T IT BE COOL |
| 2 | IF OUR DUCK AND OUR CHICK HAD A LITTLE BABY? |
| 3 | WE COULD CALL IT CHUCK. |
| 4 | OR DICK. |
| 5 | HEY. |
| 6 | HEY. HEY. |
| 7 | LISTEN, I NEED A FAVOR. |
| 8 | UM... I WAS IN THE SHOWER |
| 9 | AND AS I WAS CLEANSING MYSELF |
| 10 | I, UH... WELL, I FELT SOMETHING. |
| 11 | WAS IT LIKE A SNEEZE, ONLY BETTER? |
| 12 | NO, NO, I MEAN LIKE A THING ON MY BODY. |
| 13 | WELL, WHAT WAS IT? |
| 14 | I DON'T KNOW. |
| 15 | IT'S KIND OF IN A PLACE THAT'S NOT... |
| 16 | IT'S NOT VISUALLY ACCESSIBLE TO ME. |
| 17 | AND I WAS HOPING MAYBE YOU GUYS COULD, COULD... |
| 18 | HELP ME OUT. |
| 19 | WHOA! WHOA! NO! |
| 20 | COME ON, YOU GUYS. IT'S NO BIG DEAL. |
| 21 | UH-UH-UH! |
| 22 | HEY! |
| 23 | HUH. |
| 24 | WELL, WHAT IS IT? |
| 25 | IS IT A MOLE? |
| 26 | NO, IT'S TOO WRINKLY TO BE A MOLE. |
| 27 | IS IT WHAT, A PIMPLE? |
| 28 | NO, IT'S... |
| 29 | FANCIER THAN A PIMPLE. |
| 30 | LOOK, ROSS... |
| 31 | HEY, GUYS, WHAT'S...? |
| 32 | OKAY, WELL, IT'S DEFINITE. |
| 33 | TWO MORE WEEKS OF WINTER. |
| 34 | YEAH. RIGHT. |
| 35 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 36 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 37 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 38 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 39 | ♪ WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY ♪ |
| 40 | ♪ YOUR WEEK, YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 41 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 42 | ♪ WHEN THE RAIN STARTS TO POUR ♪ |
| 43 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 44 | ♪ LIKE I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE ♪ |
| 45 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 46 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME TOO. ♪ |
| 47 | OKAY, AND THIS IS THE COFFEEHOUSE. |
| 48 | THIS IS WHERE I PLAY MY MUSIC. |
| 49 | GOOD DEAL. |
| 50 | YEAH, AND THESE ARE MY FRIENDS. |
| 51 | PEOPLE, THIS IS VINCE. |
| 52 | VINCE, THE PEOPLE. |
| 53 | HEY. |
| 54 | VINCE IS A FIREMAN. |
| 55 | Rachel: WOW! HAVE YOU EVER |
| 56 | RESCUED ANYONE FROM A BURNING BUILDING BEFORE? |
| 57 | 98 HOT SAVES. |
| 58 | HIGHEST ON THE FORCE. |
| 59 | YOU KNOW, IF JOEY AND I PLAY WITH MATCHES |
| 60 | WE COULD GET YOU UP TO AN EVEN 100. |
| 61 | FIRE SAFETY IS NOT A JOKE, SON. |
| 62 | YOU'RE RIGHT. |
| 63 | I KNOW. |
| 64 | LOOK, I'VE GOT TO GO. I'M ON CALL TONIGHT. |
| 65 | SEE YOU SATURDAY. OKAY. |
| 66 | WOW, HE'S CUTE, PHEEBS. |
| 67 | BUT I THOUGHT YOU JUST STARTED DATING THAT KINDERGARTEN TEACHER? |
| 68 | OH, JASON? |
| 69 | YEAH. YEAH, UH-HUH. |
| 70 | WE'RE SEEING EACH OTHER TONIGHT. |
| 71 | PHEEBS, WHAT... PHEEBS?! |
| 72 | TWO DATES IN ONE DAY? |
| 73 | THAT'S SO UNLIKE YOU. |
| 74 | I KNOW, I KNOW. |
| 75 | I'M LIKE PLAYING THE FIELD, YOU KNOW. |
| 76 | LIKE JUGGLING TWO GUYS. |
| 77 | I'M SOWING MY WILD OATS. |
| 78 | YOU KNOW, THIS KIND OF LIKE, YOU KNOW |
| 79 | OAT-SOWING, FIELD-PLAYING JUGGLER. |
| 80 | SO, DO THEY KNOW ABOUT EACH OTHER? |
| 81 | DOES A DOG'S LIPS MOVE WHEN HE READS? |
| 82 | OKAY, NO, THEY DON'T KNOW. |
| 83 | HEY, GUYS. |
| 84 | All: HEY. |
| 85 | WELL? HOW DID IT GO AT THE DOCTOR'S? |
| 86 | WELL, HE SAID THERE'S DEFINITELY NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT. |
| 87 | IT'S TOTALLY BENIGN. |
| 88 | WELL, WHAT IS IT? |
| 89 | HE COULDN'T EVEN TELL ME. |
| 90 | HE SAID IT WAS JUST SOME SORT OF SKIN ABNORMALITY. |
| 91 | AND THE WORST THING IS HE SAID WITHOUT BEING ABLE TO IDENTIFY IT |
| 92 | HE WAS RELUCTANT TO REMOVE IT. |
| 93 | WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU SHOULD GO TO MY GUY. |
| 94 | 'CAUSE WHEN I WENT IN THERE WITH MY THIRD NIPPLE... |
| 95 | HE JUST LOPPED IT RIGHT OFF, YOU KNOW? |
| 96 | SO I GUESS I'M LUCKY. |
| 97 | I MEAN, NOT AS LUCKY AS PEOPLE WHO ARE BORN WITH TWO NIPPLES. |
| 98 | WELL, AT LEAST THEY KNEW WHAT YOURS WAS. |
| 99 | YOURS HAD A NAME. OH! |
| 100 | MAYBE THEY'LL NAME YOURS AFTER YOU. |
| 101 | YOU KNOW, THEY'D CALL IT "THE ROSS." |
| 102 | AND THEN PEOPLE WOULD BE LIKE |
| 103 | "OH, HE'S GOT A ROSS." |
| 104 | YEAH, THAT WOULD BE COOL. |
| 105 | PETE'S BREAKING UP WITH ME. |
| 106 | WHAT? WHAT? |
| 107 | YEAH, I JUST CHECKED MY MESSAGES |
| 108 | AND HE SAID WHEN HE GETS BACK FROM ATLANTA |
| 109 | "WE NEED TO TALK." |
| 110 | AND? WELL, THAT'S IT. |
| 111 | PEOPLE NEVER SAY "WE NEED TO TALK" |
| 112 | UNLESS IT'S SOMETHING BAD. |
| 113 | THAT DOESN'T NECESSARILY MEAN |
| 114 | HE'S BREAKING UP WITH YOU. |
| 115 | REALLY? |
| 116 | YEAH, MAYBE HE JUST CHEATED ON YOU. |
| 117 | AND I KNOW I'LL NEVER GET RICH DOING IT |
| 118 | BUT I'VE GOT TO TELL YOU IT'S PRETTY COOL KNOWING |
| 119 | THAT YOU'RE MAKING A DIFFERENCE IN A KID'S LIFE. |
| 120 | THAT IS SO GREAT. |
| 121 | I... |
| 122 | OH, MY GOD. OH, MY GOD! |
| 123 | UH, WE BETTER CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT. |
| 124 | NO! NO! NO? NO? |
| 125 | WELL, WE DON'T... WE DON'T NEED A FIREMAN. |
| 126 | WE... NEED, LIKE, A GOOD MECHANIC. |
| 127 | ( sirens wailing ) |
| 128 | OH, MY GOD! HERE THEY COME. |
| 129 | WE'VE GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE. |
| 130 | WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. WHY? |
| 131 | LOOK, IF I WANTED TO SEE A FIREMAN |
| 132 | I WOULD DATE ONE, OKAY? |
| 133 | YEAH, THAT'S ALL IT IS. A THIRD NIPPLE. |
| 134 | JUST YOUR RUN-OF-THE-MILL THIRD NIPPLE. |
| 135 | YOU CAN TAKE IT OFF. |
| 136 | JUST SLICE THAT BABY RIGHT OFF. |
| 137 | TAKE YOUR SHIRT OFF AND LET'S SEE WHAT WE'RE DEALING WITH HERE. |
| 138 | WHAT ARE YOU DOING? |
| 139 | JUST SHOWING YOU MY RUN-OF-THE-MILL |
| 140 | SLICE-IT-RIGHT-OFF THIRD NIPPLE. |
| 141 | WELL, THAT'S NOT A THIRD NIPPLE. |
| 142 | FIRST OF ALL, IT'S ON YOUR ASS. |
| 143 | WELL, THEN, WHAT IS IT? |
| 144 | WAIT A MINUTE. HOLD IT. |
| 145 | JOHNSON, WILL YOU COME IN HERE FOR A MOMENT? I'M WITH HAMILTON. |
| 146 | HE'S GOOD WITH WEIRD THINGS. BRING HIM IN, TOO. |
| 147 | I'VE GOT TO GO WATER PETE'S PLANTS. |
| 148 | YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 149 | IF HE'S GOING TO BREAK UP WITH ME |
| 150 | MAYBE I WON'T WATER HIS PLANTS. |
| 151 | IF HE'S GOING TO BREAK UP WITH YOU |
| 152 | MAYBE JOEY AND I SHOULD WATER HIS PLANTS. |
| 153 | IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. |
| 154 | OR... ( chuckles ) |
| 155 | WE COULD GO OVER THERE AND PEE ON THEM. |
| 156 | I CAN'T TAKE IT, YOU KNOW? |
| 157 | I'M ALWAYS AFRAID ONE OF THEM |
| 158 | IS GOING TO CATCH ME WITH THE OTHER ONE. |
| 159 | IT'S MAKING ME CRAZY. |
| 160 | WELL, HONEY, THEN WHY DON'T YOU BREAK UP WITH ONE OF THEM? |
| 161 | WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. WHAT, WHAT HAPPENED TO PLAYING THE FIELD? |
| 162 | WELL, IT JUST DOESN'T FEEL LIKE PLAYING ANYMORE. |
| 163 | IT FEELS LIKE WORK. |
| 164 | IT'S LIKE I'M WORKING IN THE FIELD. |
| 165 | SO, PHEEBS, PICK ONE OF THEM. |
| 166 | WHICH ONE DO YOU LIKE MORE? |
| 167 | WELL, VINCE IS GREAT, YOU KNOW |
| 168 | 'CAUSE HE'S LIKE... HE'S A GUY GUY, YOU KNOW. |
| 169 | HE'S JUST SO BURLY. |
| 170 | SO VERY BURLY. |
| 171 | OKAY, GOOD, SO THERE YOU GO. |
| 172 | GO WITH VINCE. |
| 173 | YEAH, BUT JASON'S REALLY SENSITIVE. |
| 174 | WELL, SENSITIVE IS IMPORTANT. PICK HIM. |
| 175 | YEAH. |
| 176 | OH, SURE, GO WITH THE SISSY. |
| 177 | JASON IS NOT A SISSY. |
| 178 | NO, NO, NO. |
| 179 | I MEANT CHANDLER. |
| 180 | YOU KNOW, I HAVE DINNER PLANS. |
| 181 | THANK YOU SO MUCH |
| 182 | FOR COMING ON SUCH A SHORT NOTICE. |
| 183 | LADIES AND GENTLEMEN |
| 184 | I'VE BEEN PRACTICING MEDICINE FOR 23 YEARS AND... |
| 185 | I'M STUMPED. |
| 186 | ( all murmuring ) |
| 187 | AND THIS IS THE DEN. CHECK THIS OUT. |
| 188 | LIGHTS. |
| 189 | WHOA! |
| 190 | ALL RIGHT, LESS LIGHTS. |
| 191 | BAD LIGHTS. |
| 192 | LIGHTS GO AWAY. |
| 193 | SEE, YOU JUST NEED TO FIND THE RIGHT COMMAND. |
| 194 | YEAH. AND THE DIMMER SWITCH. |
| 195 | WHOA. |
| 196 | FOR A RICH GUY, HE'S GOT A PRETTY SMALL TV. |
| 197 | THAT'S THE VIDEO PHONE. |
| 198 | BUT HEY, YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE HERE |
| 199 | SO PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH ANYTHING. |
| 200 | I-KEA, THIS IS COMFORTABLE. |
| 201 | THIS PLACE IS AMAZING. |
| 202 | GOD, THAT IS THE NICEST KITCHEN. I KNOW. |
| 203 | NO, BUT IT'S THE NICEST KITCHEN. |
| 204 | THE REFRIGERATOR TOLD ME TO HAVE A GREAT DAY. |
| 205 | LOOK AT THIS, A MILLIONAIRE'S CHECKBOOK. |
| 206 | JOEY, PUT THAT DOWN. |
| 207 | ( phone ringing ) |
| 208 | OH, MY GOD, THAT'S PETE. OKAY, GET OUT. |
| 209 | HOW THE HELL DO YOU ANSWER A VIDEO PHONE? |
| 210 | Monica? |
| 211 | I GUESS THAT'S HOW. |
| 212 | Hey, Monica, how's it going? |
| 213 | OH, IT'S GOOD. |
| 214 | IT'S... IT'S GOOD. |
| 215 | JUST HERE WATERING THE PLANTS. |
| 216 | Don't forget that ficus over there by Rachel. |
| 217 | UH... |
| 218 | CHANDLER'S ON THE COUCH. |
| 219 | I see him. |
| 220 | You guys are the worst hiders ever. |
| 221 | HEY, PETE. HEY, PETE. |
| 222 | HOW YOU DOING? Hey, guys. |
| 223 | UH, PETE, THE OTHER DAY |
| 224 | WHEN YOU SAID YOU NEEDED TO TALK-- |
| 225 | JUST SO I KNOW, IS IT GOOD NEWS OR BAD NEWS? |
| 226 | Oh, it's good news. No, it's definitely good news. |
| 227 | Hold on a second, I have another call. |
| 228 | Hey, how's it going? |
| 229 | NO, IT'S STILL ME. |
| 230 | No, it's not. I've got picture-in-picture here. |
| 231 | Yeah? |
| 232 | I'm going to have to call you back later. |
| 233 | Monica, you-- I'll call you back later. |
| 234 | OH, OH, OKAY. |
| 235 | UM, SO I'LL SEE YOU SOON. |
| 236 | Okay, I love you. |
| 237 | I LOVE YOU. |
| 238 | All: WE LOVE YOU. |
| 239 | OKAY. |
| 240 | WELL, IT'S GOOD NEWS. IT'S GOOD NEWS. |
| 241 | SO WHAT DO YOU THINK THE GOOD NEWS IS? |
| 242 | WOW, LOOK AT THIS. |
| 243 | HE WROTE A CHECK FOR $50,000 TO "HUGO LINDGREN RING DESIGN." |
| 244 | OH, SORRY. |
| 245 | WHAT DO YOU THINK THE GOOD NEWS IS? |
| 246 | OH, MY. |
| 247 | MONICA'S GOING TO MARRY A MILLIONAIRE! |
| 248 | YOU'VE GOT TO GET MOM ON THE PHONE. |
| 249 | CALL MOM! CALL MOM! |
| 250 | Hello? |
| 251 | AND THAT'S PETE'S MOM. |
| 252 | NO. YOU HAVE TO MAKE IT A THEME WEDDING |
| 253 | AND THE THEME COULD BE: LOOK HOW MUCH MONEY WE'VE GOT. |
| 254 | YOU KNOW? YOU COULD PUT MONEY IN THE INVITATIONS. |
| 255 | YOU COULD HAVE LIKE LITTLE MONEY PLACE SETTINGS |
| 256 | AND YOU COULD START WITH A MONEY SALAD. |
| 257 | I MEAN, IT'LL BE DRY, BUT PEOPLE WILL LIKE IT. |
| 258 | WOULD YOU STOP? |
| 259 | WE'VE ONLY BEEN GOING OUT A COUPLE WEEKS. |
| 260 | WE DON'T KNOW HE'LL PROPOSE. |
| 261 | BUT PETE'S NOT LIKE OTHER PEOPLE. |
| 262 | ON YOUR FIRST DATE, HE TOOK YOU TO ROME. |
| 263 | FOR MOST GUYS, THAT'S LIKE |
| 264 | A THIRD OR FOURTH DATE KIND OF THING. |
| 265 | WELL, IF THAT'S WHAT IT IS |
| 266 | THEN IT'S... IT'S CRAZY. |
| 267 | MONICA'S RIGHT. |
| 268 | WE'RE TALKING ABOUT GETTING MARRIED HERE, OKAY? |
| 269 | SHE CAN'T JUST RUSH INTO THIS. |
| 270 | OH, WHAT DO YOU KNOW? YOU MARRIED A LESBIAN. |
| 271 | ALL RIGHT, I GOT TO GO. I HAVE TO BREAK UP WITH VINCE. |
| 272 | OH, SO YOU'RE GOING WITH THE TEACHER, HUH? |
| 273 | YEAH. I LIKE VINCE A LOT, YOU KNOW |
| 274 | BUT JASON IS SO SENSITIVE, YOU KNOW? |
| 275 | IN THE LONG RUN, I THINK SENSITIVE IS BETTER |
| 276 | THAN HAVING JUST LIKE A REALLY, REALLY, REALLY NICE... |
| 277 | BODY. |
| 278 | JASON. DEFINITELY JASON. |
| 279 | OKAY, WISH ME LUCK. |
| 280 | All: GOOD LUCK. |
| 281 | ( squeals ) |
| 282 | SORRY. I WAS JUST IMAGINING |
| 283 | WHAT IT WOULD BE LIKE TO CATCH THE MONEY BOUQUET. |
| 284 | EXCUSE ME. UM, IS VINCE HERE? |
| 285 | OH, SURE. VINCE! |
| 286 | YO! |
| 287 | WOW. I DIDN'T KNOW YOU GUYS ACTUALLY USED THOSE. |
| 288 | SO, WHAT'S UP? |
| 289 | UM... WOW. |
| 290 | THIS-THIS ISN'T GOING TO BE EASY, UM... |
| 291 | I DON'T THINK WE SHOULD SEE EACH OTHER ANY MORE. |
| 292 | UH-HUH. |
| 293 | GOOD DEAL. |
| 294 | I'M SORRY. |
| 295 | NO, NO. IT'S OKAY. |
| 296 | IT'S JUST THAT, UH... |
| 297 | I THOUGHT WE HAD SOMETHING PRETTY SPECIAL HERE |
| 298 | AND, YOU KNOW, I FELT LIKE YOU WERE SOMEONE |
| 299 | I COULD FINALLY OPEN UP TO |
| 300 | AND... T-THERE'S SO MUCH IN ME I HAVEN'T SHARED WITH YOU YET. |
| 301 | OH, MY GOD, I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE SO... |
| 302 | NO. I'M SORRY, I CAN'T TALK. |
| 303 | I'M GOING TO GO WRITE IN MY JOURNAL. |
| 304 | WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT! |
| 305 | I'M TELLING YOU, IF YOU WANT TO TAKE CARE OF THAT THING |
| 306 | YOU SHOULD GO SEE MY HERBAL GUY. |
| 307 | THANK YOU, BUT I WANT TO REMOVE IT. |
| 308 | I DON'T WANT TO MAKE IT SAVORY. |
| 309 | YOU KNOW, WHEN GIRLS SLEEP WITH GUYS |
| 310 | WITH WEIRD THINGS ON THEIR BODY |
| 311 | THEY TELL THEIR FRIENDS ABOUT IT. |
| 312 | GIVE ME THIS. |
| 313 | HI. OKAY, DON'T BE MAD AT ME |
| 314 | BUT I COULDN'T RESIST. |
| 315 | BRIDES MAGAZINES? |
| 316 | YES, AND I KNOW THAT YOU SAID |
| 317 | YOU WOULD SAY NO IF HE ASKED YOU, BUT I'M SORRY. |
| 318 | HOW GREAT WOULD YOU LOOK WALKING DOWN THE AISLE |
| 319 | IN THIS DONNA KARAN? |
| 320 | ( Phoebe gasps ) |
| 321 | OH, YOU SO WOULD. |
| 322 | OH, YOU SHOULD GET THAT ANYWAY. |
| 323 | WELL, FOR CLUBBING. |
| 324 | IT IS SO WEIRD. |
| 325 | I KNOW WHAT I SAID, BUT, UM... |
| 326 | THIS MORNING I WAS LYING IN BED. |
| 327 | I WAS, I WAS IMAGINING WHAT IT WOULD BE LIKE TO SAY YES. |
| 328 | I MEAN, I KNOW IT'S A LITTLE SUDDEN |
| 329 | AND IT'S A LITTLE RUSHED |
| 330 | AND IT'S TOTALLY NOT LIKE ME |
| 331 | TO DO SOMETHING LIKE THIS, BUT... |
| 332 | THAT DOESN'T MEAN I CAN'T, RIGHT? |
| 333 | I MEAN, I'M-I'M CRAZY ABOUT PETE |
| 334 | AND I-I KNOW THAT WE WANT THE SAME THINGS |
| 335 | AND WHEN I THOUGHT ABOUT SAYING YES |
| 336 | IT MADE ME REALLY HAPPY. |
| 337 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 338 | I KNOW. |
| 339 | I NEED MORE PIE. |
| 340 | HEY, MON, UM, IF YOU DO GET MARRIED |
| 341 | CAN I BRING TWO GUESTS? |
| 342 | YOU DIDN'T BREAK UP WITH THAT FIREMAN? |
| 343 | NO. THAT WAS MY WAY OF TELLING YOU. |
| 344 | WELL, IT TURNS OUT HE'S INCREDIBLY SENSITIVE. |
| 345 | HE KEEPS A JOURNAL AND HE PAINTS. |
| 346 | HE EVEN SHOWED ME CHARCOAL DRAWINGS THAT HE DREW OF ME. |
| 347 | WOW. |
| 348 | YEAH. WELL, HE'D PREFER WATERCOLORS |
| 349 | BUT HE HAS EASY ACCESS TO A LOT OF CHARCOAL. |
| 350 | SO THEN, ARE YOU GOING TO DUMP JASON? |
| 351 | WELL, YEAH, BECAUSE I HAVE TO BREAK UP WITH SOMEONE, AND... |
| 352 | OKAY, SO JASON IS SENSITIVE |
| 353 | BUT, NOW, SO'S VINCE. |
| 354 | PLUS, VINCE HAS THE BODY, YOU KNOW, SO... |
| 355 | IT'S REALLY JUST ABOUT THE MATH. |
| 356 | ( clears throat ) |
| 357 | JASON? |
| 358 | YEAH? COME ON IN. |
| 359 | SO, PHOEBE YOU, UH, SOUNDED KIND OF SERIOUS ON THE PHONE. |
| 360 | IS, UH, IS ANYTHING WRONG? |
| 361 | NUH-UH. |
| 362 | YOU MUST BE ROSS. |
| 363 | HI. |
| 364 | I AM GURU SAJ. |
| 365 | LISTEN, I GOT TO TELL YOU |
| 366 | I'VE NEVER BEEN TO A GURU BEFORE, SO... |
| 367 | WELL, RELAX. IF IT MAKES YOU FEEL ANY BETTER |
| 368 | I'VE ATTENDED SOME OF THE FINEST MEDICAL SCHOOLS |
| 369 | IN CENTRAL AMERICA. |
| 370 | WELL, THEN, LET'S TAKE A LOOK |
| 371 | AT THIS SKIN ABNORMALITY OF YOURS. |
| 372 | COME ON, HAVE A SEAT. |
| 373 | UH-HUH... HUH. |
| 374 | UH-HUH! |
| 375 | AS I SUSPECTED, IT'S A KUNDUS. |
| 376 | WHAT'S A KUNDUS? |
| 377 | I DON'T KNOW. |
| 378 | WHAT'S A KUNDUS WITH YOU? |
| 379 | PLEASE, LIE DOWN. |
| 380 | I'VE GOT A SALVE THAT OUGHT TO SHRINK THAT RIGHT UP. |
| 381 | WELL... |
| 382 | I GUESS IT'S WORTH A TRY. |
| 383 | OH, SURE. |
| 384 | WE SHOULD SEE RESULTS... WHOA! |
| 385 | CLEARLY NOT THE WAY TO GO! |
| 386 | WHAT? WHAT? |
| 387 | WE APPEAR TO HAVE ANGERED IT. |
| 388 | WE? WE ANGERED IT? |
| 389 | OH. |
| 390 | I THINK I SEE THE PROBLEM... |
| 391 | AND I'M AFRAID WE'RE GOING TO HAVE TO USE |
| 392 | A MUCH STRONGER TOOL. |
| 393 | LOVE. |
| 394 | OH, GOD. |
| 395 | ROSS, THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO WAY |
| 396 | THIS IS GOING TO COME OFF UNLESS YOU START TO... |
| 397 | OW! |
| 398 | OOPS. |
| 399 | WHAT WAS, WHAT WAS THAT? |
| 400 | WELL, IT'S GONE. |
| 401 | W...? HOW'S THAT? |
| 402 | GOT CAUGHT IN MY WATCH. |
| 403 | HEY... |
| 404 | LIGHTS. |
| 405 | OOH. |
| 406 | UH, ROMANTIC LIGHTS. |
| 407 | OOH, NICE. |
| 408 | ( giggles ) |
| 409 | SO, UH, THERE WAS THIS THING I WANTED TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT. |
| 410 | OH, RIGHT. |
| 411 | I COMPLETELY FORGOT ABOUT THAT. |
| 412 | WELL, UH... |
| 413 | I'VE BEEN DOING A LOT OF THINKING |
| 414 | AND I LOOK AT MY LIFE... |
| 415 | YEAH? |
| 416 | AND I FEEL LIKE I'VE CONQUERED THE BUSINESS WORLD |
| 417 | AND I FEEL LIKE I'VE CONQUERED THE INTELLECTUAL WORLD |
| 418 | AND NOW I-I HAVE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN IN THE WORLD. |
| 419 | WOW. |
| 420 | BUT THERE'S ONE THING MISSING. |
| 421 | WHAT'S THAT? |
| 422 | IT'S TIME FOR ME TO CONQUER THE PHYSICAL WORLD. |
| 423 | OKAY. |
| 424 | MONICA... |
| 425 | I WANT TO BECOME |
| 426 | THE ULTIMATE FIGHTING CHAMPION. |
| 427 | YOU WANT TO WHAT? |
| 428 | I WANT TO BECOME THE ULTIMATE FIGHTING CHAMPION. |
| 429 | IT'S THE MOST INTENSE PHYSICAL COMPETITION IN THE WORLD. |
| 430 | IT'S BANNED IN 49 STATES. |
| 431 | WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? |
| 432 | MY TRAINER HOCHI IS TEACHING ME A COMBINATION |
| 433 | OF JEET KUNE DO AND BRAZILIAN STREET FIGHTING. |
| 434 | I EVEN HAD MY OWN OCTAGON TRAINING RING DESIGNED. |
| 435 | AND I SUPPOSE YOU USED A RING DESIGNER FOR THAT? |
| 436 | YEAH. |
| 437 | MONICA, I WANT YOU THERE IN THE FRONT ROW WHEN I WIN. |
| 438 | I WANT YOU CLOSE ENOUGH TO SMELL THE BLOOD. |
| 439 | WHAT DO YOU THINK? |
| 440 | MY PARENTS WILL BE SO HAPPY. |
| 441 | ♪ CRAZY UNDERWEAR, CREEPING UP MY BUTT ♪ |
| 442 | ♪ CRAZY UNDERWEAR, ALWAYS IN A RUT ♪ |
| 443 | ♪ CRAZY UNDERWEAR... ♪ |
| 444 | OH, NO. WHAT IS HE DOING HERE? |
| 445 | ALL RIGHT, JUST KEEP PLAYING. JUST KEEP PLAYING. |
| 446 | YOU'LL GET THROUGH THIS. YOU'LL BE FINE. |
| 447 | ( singing nonsense syllables ) |
| 448 | OKAY, THANK YOU... |
| 449 | AND, AS ALWAYS, NO ONE TALK TO ME AFTER THE SHOW. |
| 450 | HEY. HEY. |
| 451 | I WAS PASSING BY AND SAW YOU WERE PLAYING TONIGHT. |
| 452 | IT'S KIND OF COOL SEEING YOU UP THERE. |
| 453 | YEAH, WELL... |
| 454 | WHOA, HEY, HEY, WHOA... |
| 455 | WHAT'S GOING ON HERE? WHO'S THIS GUY? |
| 456 | I DON'T KNOW. HE JUST STARTED KISSING ME. |
| 457 | GET HIM. GET HIM, VINCE. |
| 458 | WHAT? |
| 459 | WHAT? |
| 460 | YEAH. OKAY |
| 461 | I-I'VE BEEN DATING BOTH OF YOU |
| 462 | AND IT'S BEEN REALLY HORRIBLE |
| 463 | 'CAUSE, YOU KNOW |
| 464 | IT'S BEEN A LOT OF FUN FOR ME. |
| 465 | UM... |
| 466 | BUT I... I LIKE YOU BOTH |
| 467 | AND I, AND I DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO CHOOSE... |
| 468 | SO I'M SORRY. I'M JUST... I'M TERRIBLE. |
| 469 | I'M A TERRIBLE PERSON. |
| 470 | I'M TERRIBLE. |
| 471 | PHOEBE, PHOEBE, RELAX. |
| 472 | IT'S OKAY. I MEAN... |
| 473 | WE NEVER SAID THIS WAS EXCLUSIVE. |
| 474 | YEAH. AND NEITHER DID WE. |
| 475 | GIVE YOURSELF A BREAK. |
| 476 | REALLY? |
| 477 | YEAH. I MEAN, YOU KNOW... |
| 478 | WE HAVEN'T BEEN GOING OUT THAT LONG. |
| 479 | COME ON, WE HAVEN'T EVEN SLEPT TOGETHER YET. |
| 480 | YOU HAVEN'T? |
| 481 | YOU HAVE? |
| 482 | OKAY, WELL, THIS IS NONE OF MY BUSINESS. |
| 483 | I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS. |
| 484 | YOU SLEPT WITH HIM? |
| 485 | WELL, I MADE YOU |
| 486 | A CANDLELIGHT DINNER IN THE PARK. |
| 487 | YOU KNOW, PHOEBE |
| 488 | I'M GOING TO MAKE THIS REAL EASY FOR YOU. |
| 489 | WELL... |
| 490 | THAT COULD HAVE BEEN REALLY AWKWARD. |
| 491 | YOU MADE HIM A CANDLELIGHT DINNER IN THE PARK? |
| 492 | YEAH, BUT I-I CAN DO THAT FOR YOU. |
| 493 | I'M GOING TO DO THAT FOR YOU. |
| 494 | YEAH. I CAN'T BELIEVE I EVER WENT OUT |
| 495 | WITH SOMEBODY WHO WOULD ACTUALLY |
| 496 | HAVE AN OPEN FLAME IN THE MIDDLE OF A WOODED AREA. |
| 497 | EVERYTHING'S GOING TO BE ALL RIGHT. |
| 498 | OKAY, DICK? |
| 499 | HELLO, I AM GURU SAJ. |
| 500 | WHOA! |
| 501 | HE'S SUPPOSED TO BE A DUCK, RIGHT? |
| 502 | 'CAUSE OTHERWISE, THIS IS WAY OUT OF MY LEAGUE. |
| 503 | YEAH, YEAH. HE'S GOT A REALLY BAD COUGH |
| 504 | AND OUR VET-- HE CAN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT |
| 505 | SO IS THERE SOMETHING YOU CAN DO? |
| 506 | HMM... LET ME SEE. |
| 507 | LET ME SEE. |
| 508 | DO YOU THINK YOU COULD GET HIM TO EAT A BAT? |
| 509 | |
| 1 | DO YOU THINK THERE'S A TOWN IN MISSOURI OR SOMEPLACE |
| 2 | CALLED SAMPLE? |
| 3 | AND, AS YOU'RE DRIVING INTO TOWN |
| 4 | THERE'S, LIKE, A SIGN |
| 5 | AND IT SAYS, "YOU'RE IN SAMPLE"? |
| 6 | HEY. HEY! |
| 7 | HOW DID IT GO WITH PETE? TELL US. |
| 8 | YOU'RE NOT GOING TO BELIEVE THIS, OKAY? |
| 9 | SO I GO OVER THERE... |
| 10 | EXCUSE US. |
| 11 | I'M SORRY. |
| 12 | IT'S A LITTLE CROWDED. DO YOU MIND IF WE SIT... |
| 13 | YEAH, COULD YOU SKOOCH? |
| 14 | MOVE OVER JUST A LITTLE BIT? |
| 15 | THANK YOU VERY MUCH. |
| 16 | KEEP ON SKOOCHING. |
| 17 | GRACIAS. |
| 18 | SO... |
| 19 | I GO OVER THERE, AND I'M... |
| 20 | WHAT... WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? |
| 21 | WHAT'S THE MATTER? TIM... |
| 22 | I HAVE A FEELING... |
| 23 | I... MY WIFE IS SLEEPING WITH HER GYNECOLOGIST. |
| 24 | OH, NO. REALLY? |
| 25 | HOW DO YOU KNOW? |
| 26 | WELL, YOU KNOW, HE'S GOT ACCESS. |
| 27 | YOU KNOW, YOU JUST FEEL AND YOU GET, YOU KNOW? |
| 28 | LIKE GOING BOWLING AND YOU KNOW YOU'RE IN SOMEBODY ELSE'S SHOES? |
| 29 | THAT'S THE ONE. |
| 30 | ALL RIGHT, SO YOU WENT TO PETE'S... |
| 31 | WHAT HAPPENED? |
| 32 | WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME? |
| 33 | I DON'T KNOW. MAYBE IT'S MY WOUND. |
| 34 | FORGET IT. |
| 35 | YOUR WOUND? |
| 36 | IT'S NOT HEALED YET? |
| 37 | NO. IT OOZES. |
| 38 | COULD YOU PASS THE CREAM? |
| 39 | OH, THERE'S THE CREAM. |
| 40 | THANK YOU VERY MUCH. |
| 41 | TOMAS, THIS IS GOING TO BE HARD, |
| 42 | BUT I WANTED IT TO COME FROM ME AND NOBODY ELSE. |
| 43 | WHAT IS IT, TIM? IT'S ME. I'VE BEEN SLEEPING WITH YOUR WIFE. |
| 44 | SO YOU'RE THE GYNECOLOGIST? |
| 45 | HEY, I'M TRYING TO HAVE A PRIVATE CONVERSATION. |
| 46 | OH, CAN I HAVE A NAPKIN, PLEASE? |
| 47 | PLEASE HAND A... |
| 48 | GIVE ME THE THING, ALL RIGHT?! |
| 49 | OH, THAT'S IT, ALL RIGHT. ENOUGH! |
| 50 | AND YOU ARE NO LONGER MY FRIEND! |
| 51 | WE ARE FINISH! |
| 52 | NADA! NO MORE! |
| 53 | YOU ARE A BASTARD FOR DOING THIS! |
| 54 | GET AWAY FROM ME! |
| 55 | TOMAS, PLEASE. |
| 56 | COME BACK HERE. |
| 57 | SO, MONICA, WHAT WERE YOU GOING TO TELL US? |
| 58 | I HAVE NO IDEA. |
| 59 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU ♪ |
| 60 | ♪ LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 61 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 62 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 63 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 64 | ♪ WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY ♪ |
| 65 | ♪ YOUR WEEK, YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 66 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 67 | ♪ WHEN THE RAIN STARTS TO POUR ♪ |
| 68 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 69 | ♪ LIKE I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE ♪ |
| 70 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 71 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME, TOO. ♪ |
| 72 | SO, COME ON, WHAT WAS THE BIG NEWS |
| 73 | PETE WANTED TO TELL YOU, MON? |
| 74 | OR SHOULD I SAY, MRS. MONICA BECKER? |
| 75 | NO, NO. OH, KEEP YOUR NAME |
| 76 | DON'T TAKE HIS NAME. |
| 77 | HE DIDN'T ASK ME TO MARRY HIM. |
| 78 | WELL, THEN, DEFINITELY DON'T TAKE HIS NAME. |
| 79 | HE WANTED TO TELL ME HE'S GOING TO COMPETE |
| 80 | IN SOME ULTIMATE FIGHTING COMPETITION THINGY. |
| 81 | PETE? WHAT? |
| 82 | WHY? WHAT IS IT? |
| 83 | I DON'T KNOW, EXACTLY. |
| 84 | IT'S SORT OF LIKE WRESTLING. |
| 85 | OH? |
| 86 | BUT WITHOUT THE COSTUMES. |
| 87 | OH. |
| 88 | AND IT'S NOT FAKE. |
| 89 | IT'S TOTALLY BRUTAL. |
| 90 | YEAH, IT'S TWO GUYS IN THE RING, |
| 91 | AND THE RULES ARE... |
| 92 | THERE ARE NO RULES. |
| 93 | YOU CAN, LIKE, BITE |
| 94 | AND PULL PEOPLE'S HAIR AND STUFF? |
| 95 | ANYTHING GOES EXCEPT EYE-GOUGING AND FISHHOOKING. |
| 96 | WHAT'S FISHHOOKING? |
| 97 | "WHAT'S FISH--" |
| 98 | THANKS, MAN. THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN REALLY HARD TO DESCRIBE. |
| 99 | WHAT IS THAT TASTE? |
| 100 | WHAT? MY HANDS ARE TOTALLY CLEAN. |
| 101 | I JUST GAVE THE DUCK A BATH. |
| 102 | Man: SO THANKS FOR THE WARM WELCOME. |
| 103 | IT'S GOOD TO HAVE YOU GUYS ON MY TEAM. |
| 104 | I COME TO PLAY. I HOPE YOU DO, TOO. |
| 105 | NOW LET'S GO OUT THERE AND GET 'EM. |
| 106 | AND REMEMBER... |
| 107 | THERE IS NO "I" IN "TEAM." |
| 108 | YES, BUT THERE'S TWO IN "MARTINI." |
| 109 | SO EVERYBODY BACK TO MY OFFICE. |
| 110 | YOU... CHUCKLES. |
| 111 | WHAT'S YOUR NAME? |
| 112 | IT'S BING, SIR. |
| 113 | I'M SORRY. I WAS JUST... |
| 114 | NO, NO. I HEARD WHAT YOU SAID. |
| 115 | FUNNY. I LIKE FUNNY. |
| 116 | OH. WELL... |
| 117 | THIS TEAM'S ABOUT HARD WORK, |
| 118 | BUT IT'S ALSO ABOUT HAVING FUN. |
| 119 | GOOD TO HAVE YOU ABOARD, BING! |
| 120 | THAT'S RIGHT. RYDER. |
| 121 | WINONA RYDER, FOR SIX. |
| 122 | THANK YOU. |
| 123 | YEAH, WE HAVE THE RESERVATIONS. |
| 124 | ALL RIGHT, BUDDY. |
| 125 | WAY TO GO! |
| 126 | DUDE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? |
| 127 | THANK YOU. TODAY, MY BOSS KEPT SLAPPING MY BUTT |
| 128 | AND HE WAS ACTING LIKE IT WAS NO BIG DEAL. |
| 129 | WHAT DID YOU DO ABOUT IT? |
| 130 | I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING. I DIDN'T WANT TO BE THE GUY |
| 131 | WHO HAS A PROBLEM WITH HIS BOSS SLAPPING HIS BOTTOM. |
| 132 | I GOT TO TELL YOU, I THINK IT'S OKAY TO BE THAT GUY. |
| 133 | YEAH, MAYBE IT'S LIKE, YOU KNOW, THAT JOCK THING. |
| 134 | YOU KNOW, HOW FOOTBALL PLAYERS |
| 135 | PAT EACH OTHER AFTER TOUCHDOWNS. |
| 136 | YOU KNOW, I DON'T UNDERSTAND GUYS. |
| 137 | I MEAN, I... I WOULD NEVER CONGRATULATE MONICA |
| 138 | ON A GREAT STEW |
| 139 | BY, YOU KNOW, GRABBING HER BOOB. |
| 140 | YEAH, I KNOW. FOR A REALLY GREAT STEW |
| 141 | YOU JUST STICK YOUR HEAD IN BETWEEN THEM. |
| 142 | CAN WE PLEASE GO EAT? |
| 143 | YEAH. WHAT ARE WE GETTING? |
| 144 | ANYTHING BUT STEW. |
| 145 | ALL RIGHT, SO, CHANDLER, FROM NOW ON |
| 146 | DON'T GIVE YOUR BOSS A CHANCE TO GET YOU. |
| 147 | JUST DON'T TURN YOUR BACK TO HIM. |
| 148 | YEAH, OR YOU COULD TEACH HIM A LESSON, YOU KNOW? |
| 149 | WHAT YOU COULD DO IS YOU COULD RUB SOMETHING |
| 150 | THAT SMELLS REALLY BAD |
| 151 | ON YOUR BUTT, RIGHT? |
| 152 | THEN, WHEN HE GOES TO SMACK YOU |
| 153 | HIS HAND WILL SMELL. |
| 154 | NOW, WHAT COULD YOU RUB ON YOUR BUTT |
| 155 | THAT WOULD SMELL BAD? |
| 156 | WHAT IF JOEY WAS PRESIDENT? |
| 157 | HEY, RACH, CAN I ASK YOU SOMETHING? |
| 158 | YEAH. OKAY. |
| 159 | YOU CAN TOTALLY SAY NO. |
| 160 | BUT, UM, WOULD IT BE OKAY WITH YOU |
| 161 | IF I SET ROSS UP ON A DATE? |
| 162 | OH. UH... WITH WHO? |
| 163 | MY FRIEND BONNIE. |
| 164 | SHE ALWAYS THOUGHT ROSS WAS REALLY CUTE. |
| 165 | AND NOW THAT YOU TWO AREN'T TOGETHER |
| 166 | SHE ASKED IF I COULD SET IT UP. |
| 167 | BUT IF YOU'RE NOT COOL WITH IT... |
| 168 | WHICH ONE IS BONNIE AGAIN? |
| 169 | YOU REMEMBER HER FROM MY BIRTHDAY PARTY TWO YEARS AGO? |
| 170 | SHE'S, LIKE, AVERAGE HEIGHT... |
| 171 | MEDIUM BUILD... |
| 172 | BALD. |
| 173 | OH. |
| 174 | THAT'S FINE. |
| 175 | GREAT! OKAY. |
| 176 | GOOD FOR YOU. |
| 177 | ALL RIGHT! |
| 178 | YOU ARE IRON! |
| 179 | YOU ARE STEEL! |
| 180 | LET ME ASK YOU SOMETHING. |
| 181 | HOW COME WHEN I CALL YOUR COMPUTER SUPPORT LINE |
| 182 | I HAVE TO WAIT AN HOUR AND A HALF? |
| 183 | I TOLD YOU, WE'RE ADDING NEW OPERATORS ALL THE TIME. |
| 184 | CAN WE CONCENTRATE ON MY TRAINING? |
| 185 | IT'S JUST HARD WHEN I KNOW I HAVE E-MAIL I CAN'T GET! |
| 186 | HI. |
| 187 | MONICA. |
| 188 | HEY. |
| 189 | HI, HONEY. |
| 190 | ON THE TABLE. |
| 191 | ON THE TABLE. |
| 192 | HEY, UM... SO LISTEN, UM... |
| 193 | MY FRIENDS WERE TELLING ME A LITTLE BIT ABOUT |
| 194 | THIS ULTIMATE FIGHTING THING. |
| 195 | IT SOUNDS REALLY DANGEROUS. |
| 196 | I DON'T WANT YOU TO GET HURT BECAUSE I... |
| 197 | I KIND OF LIKE YOU. |
| 198 | BELIEVE ME, I DON'T WANT TO GET HURT, EITHER. |
| 199 | I'M BEING SMART ABOUT THIS. |
| 200 | SEE THESE GUYS? |
| 201 | THEY'RE THE BEST TRAINERS IN THE WORLD. |
| 202 | HOCHI HERE USED TO BE A PAID ASSASSIN. |
| 203 | ( speaking Cantonese ) |
| 204 | A HOUSE PAINTER. HE USED TO BE A HOUSE PAINTER. |
| 205 | PROMISE ME YOU'LL BE CAREFUL. |
| 206 | I PROMISE. |
| 207 | ARE WE STILL ON FOR TONIGHT? |
| 208 | YEAH. GOOD. |
| 209 | MAYBE WE CAN HAVE A LITTLE WORKOUT OF OUR OWN. |
| 210 | NO! NO BOOM-BOOM BEFORE BIG FIGHT! |
| 211 | HOW ABOUT JUST A "BOOM"? |
| 212 | WOW, THAT WAS DEPRESSING. |
| 213 | I THINK I JUST BOUGHT A SOFT PRETZEL |
| 214 | FROM ONE OF THE KIDS FROM FAME. |
| 215 | OH... OH... |
| 216 | READY TO GO TO THE MOVIES? |
| 217 | MM-HMM. OH, RACH, THIS IS BONNIE. |
| 218 | HI. |
| 219 | THIS IS BONNIE? |
| 220 | THIS IS BONNIE? YOU'RE BONNIE? |
| 221 | I CAN SHOW YOU AN I.D. IF YOU WANT. |
| 222 | OH, NO. I'M SORRY. |
| 223 | YOU LOOK A LOT DIFFERENT THAN THE LAST TIME I SAW YOU. |
| 224 | OH, YEAH. WELL, I JUST STARTED WEARING BRAS AGAIN. |
| 225 | OH, THAT MUST BE IT. |
| 226 | WELL, I HOPE YOU HAVE FUN TONIGHT. |
| 227 | THANKS. YOU, TOO. |
| 228 | YOU SAID SHE WAS BALD. |
| 229 | YEAH, SHE WAS BALD. SHE'S NOT NOW. |
| 230 | HOW COULD YOU NOT TELL ME THAT SHE HAS HAIR? |
| 231 | I DON'T KNOW. I HARDLY EVER SAY THAT ABOUT PEOPLE. |
| 232 | OH, WELL, THIS IS JUST PERFECT! |
| 233 | WELL, I'M SORRY. |
| 234 | I THOUGHT YOU SAID IT WAS OKAY. |
| 235 | YEAH, I SAID IT WAS OKAY WHEN I THOUGHT |
| 236 | SHE WAS SOME WEIRD BALD CHICK. |
| 237 | I MEAN, YOU KNOW... |
| 238 | THAT GIRL HAS GOT HAIR ALL OVER HER HEAD. |
| 239 | WELL, MAYBE IT WON'T WORK OUT. |
| 240 | MAYBE ROSS WON'T LIKE HER PERSONALITY. |
| 241 | DOES SHE HAVE A BAD PERSONALITY? |
| 242 | NO. BONNIE'S THE BEST. |
| 243 | BING! |
| 244 | READ YOUR COMPUTEK PROPOSAL. |
| 245 | REAL HOME RUN. |
| 246 | OOH! |
| 247 | BARELY GOT YOU THAT TIME. |
| 248 | GET OVER HERE. |
| 249 | COME ON. |
| 250 | WHAM! GOOD ONE. |
| 251 | THAT WAS A GOOD ONE. |
| 252 | KEEP AT IT, TEAM. |
| 253 | WHAT IS WITH HIM? |
| 254 | WITH HIM? YOU'RE HIS FAVORITE. |
| 255 | YOU'RE HIS GUY. |
| 256 | WE NEVER GET SMACKED. |
| 257 | WELL, THAT'S NOT TRUE. HE SMACKED YOU ONCE. |
| 258 | NOT ON PURPOSE. HE RICOCHETED OFF YOU AND GOT ME. |
| 259 | AND I'M TELLING YOU, I NEED SOME SMACKS. |
| 260 | I GOT A KID STARTING DARTMOUTH IN THE FALL. |
| 261 | DARTMOUTH? WHO WENT TO DARTMOUTH? |
| 262 | DARTMOUTH SUCKS. |
| 263 | DID YOU GO TO DARTMOUTH, BING? |
| 264 | NO, SIR. THERE YOU GO! |
| 265 | HEY. |
| 266 | GOD, ROSS, WHAT IS THAT? |
| 267 | IT'S THE ULTIMATE FIGHTING COMBO. |
| 268 | I SAVED 30 CENTS, PLUS I GET TO KEEP THE CUP. YAY! |
| 269 | FROM NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK |
| 270 | APPEARING IN HIS ULTIMATE FIGHTING CHAMPIONSHIP DEBUT... |
| 271 | HE'S KNOWN FOR HIS CONFRONTATIONAL BUSINESS STYLE! |
| 272 | LADIES AND GENTLEMEN... |
| 273 | INTRODUCING... |
| 274 | PETE... BECKER! |
| 275 | ( cheering ) |
| 276 | HEY! HEY! HEY! HEY! HEY! HEY! HEY! HEY! HEY! HEY! |
| 277 | I LOVE YOU, PETE! |
| 278 | ( audience cheering ) |
| 279 | AND HIS OPPONENT, FROM HUNTINGTON BEACH, CALIFORNIA... |
| 280 | HE'S A 300-POUND |
| 281 | STREET FIGHTER... |
| 282 | TANK ABBOTT! |
| 283 | ( audience cheering ) |
| 284 | ( booing ) |
| 285 | PETE! PETE! |
| 286 | THAT GUY'S PRETTY HUGE. |
| 287 | DON'T WORRY. HOCHI TAUGHT ME HOW TO USE |
| 288 | AN OPPONENT'S STRENGTH AND WEIGHT AGAINST HIM. |
| 289 | THEN THAT GUY IS IN SERIOUS, SERIOUS TROUBLE. |
| 290 | ALL RIGHT, YOU GO GET HIM! LET'S GO! |
| 291 | HERE WE GO, GENTLEMEN. HERE WE GO. |
| 292 | ARE YOU READY? |
| 293 | ARE YOU READY? |
| 294 | LET'S GET IT ON! |
| 295 | UH-OH. |
| 296 | OH! |
| 297 | HEY. |
| 298 | IT'S ME. |
| 299 | MO-NI-CA. |
| 300 | CAN I JUST TELL YOU HOW PROUD I AM OF YOU? |
| 301 | IT WOULD BE NICE AFTER HEARING 20,000 PEOPLE CHANT |
| 302 | "YOU SUCK!" |
| 303 | I MEAN, I THOUGHT YOU WERE NUTS AT FIRST |
| 304 | BUT YOU DID IT. |
| 305 | NOW YOU CAN JUST LOOK BACK AT THIS WHOLE THING |
| 306 | WITH NO REGRETS. |
| 307 | LOOK BACK? |
| 308 | WELL, YOU'RE NOT GOING TO KEEP GOING, ARE YOU? |
| 309 | WELL, LET ME ASK YOU A QUESTION. |
| 310 | AM I THE ULTIMATE FIGHTING CHAMPION? |
| 311 | NO, BUT... |
| 312 | WELL, I'M NOT GOING TO STOP |
| 313 | UNTIL I'M THE ULTIMATE FIGHTING CHAMPION. |
| 314 | THAT GUY STOOD ON YOUR NECK UNTIL YOU PASSED OUT. |
| 315 | LET ME TELL YOU A STORY. |
| 316 | WHEN I SET OUT TO CREATE MOSS 865 |
| 317 | DO YOU THINK IT JUST HAPPENED OVERNIGHT? |
| 318 | NO. THERE WAS MOSS ONE |
| 319 | THAT BURNED DOWN MY DAD'S GARAGE. |
| 320 | THERE WAS MOSS TWO THAT WOULD ONLY SCHEDULE APPOINTMENTS IN JANUARY |
| 321 | AND 862 OTHERS THAT I LEARNED FROM |
| 322 | JUST LIKE I LEARNED FROM THIS FIGHT |
| 323 | NEVER TO LET A GUY STAND ON MY NECK. |
| 324 | YOU DIDN'T KNOW THAT ALREADY? |
| 325 | LOOK, I'M GOING TO GET BETTER. |
| 326 | OKAY? I PROMISE YOU. |
| 327 | OKAY. |
| 328 | JUST... GET A LOT BETTER... FAST. |
| 329 | OH, ONE OTHER THING-- |
| 330 | HOCHI THINKS THAT YOU BEING RINGSIDE |
| 331 | MAY HAVE AFFECTED MY CONCENTRATION. |
| 332 | YEAH. |
| 333 | TH-THAT WAS THE PROBLEM. |
| 334 | HEY. HEY. HOW LONG UNTIL PETE'S FIGHT? |
| 335 | OH, ABOUT FIVE MINUTES. |
| 336 | RIGHT NOW THEY'RE INTERVIEWING HIS OPPONENT. |
| 337 | APPARENTLY, HE TRAINS BY GOING TO IRAN |
| 338 | AND PULLING THE ARMS OFF THIEVES. |
| 339 | WOW. |
| 340 | HOT DOG? |
| 341 | FOUR, PLEASE. |
| 342 | I'M REALLY NERVOUS. |
| 343 | THANK YOU. |
| 344 | SO, ROSS, HOW, UM... HOW DID IT GO WITH BONNIE? |
| 345 | OH, I GOT TO TELL YOU. |
| 346 | I WASN'T EXPECTING TO LIKE HER AT ALL. |
| 347 | I MEAN, I ACTUALLY WASN'T EXPECTING |
| 348 | TO LIKE ANYONE RIGHT NOW, BUT... |
| 349 | SHE'S REALLY TERRIFIC. |
| 350 | OH, IT'S TOO BAD. |
| 351 | NO, I... I'M SAYING I LIKED HER. |
| 352 | YEAH. THERE ARE OTHER FISH IN THE SEA. |
| 353 | PHEEBS, I THINK SHE'S GREAT, OKAY? |
| 354 | WE'RE GOING OUT AGAIN. |
| 355 | OKAY. I HEAR YOU. |
| 356 | ARE YOU CAPABLE OF TALKING ABOUT ANYTHING ELSE? |
| 357 | HEY, WHICH ONE'S MY TURKEY BURGER? |
| 358 | UH, THE ONE NEXT TO MY FOOT. |
| 359 | HEY, THE FIGHT'S STARTING. |
| 360 | OKAY. WE'LL BE RIGHT IN. |
| 361 | SO DID YOUR BOSS TRY TO SLAP YOU AGAIN TODAY? |
| 362 | NINE TIMES. |
| 363 | I HAD TO PUT ON LOTION. |
| 364 | BUT IT'S GOING TO BE OKAY |
| 365 | BECAUSE TOMORROW I'M CONDUCTING AN EXPERIMENT |
| 366 | AND IF ALL GOES AS PLANNED, MY BUTT WILL BE SMACK-FREE. |
| 367 | FIGHT'S OVER. |
| 368 | EXCUSE ME. DOUG? |
| 369 | HEY, THERE, SPORTS FANS! |
| 370 | BING, YOU GOT THOSE NUMBERS FOR ME? |
| 371 | NO. I, UH... I DIDN'T DO THEM. |
| 372 | OH? YOU FORGOT? |
| 373 | NO. NO, I JUST DIDN'T DO THEM. |
| 374 | INSTEAD I HUNG OUT WITH SOME FRIENDS |
| 375 | AND HAD A COUPLE OF BEERS. |
| 376 | SO I CERTAINLY DON'T DESERVE ANY PRAISE |
| 377 | VERBAL OR... OTHERWISE. |
| 378 | WELL, I GOT TANKED MYSELF LAST NIGHT. |
| 379 | PRETTY DICEY DRIVE HOME. |
| 380 | TAPPAN ZEE BRIDGE NEVER LOOKED SMALLER. |
| 381 | THAT'S OKAY. YOU'RE STILL MY NUMBER ONE GUY. BING! |
| 382 | DOUG! |
| 383 | HMM? |
| 384 | I'M A LITTLE BIT UNCOMFORTABLE |
| 385 | WITH THE WAY THAT YOU EXPRESS YOURSELF. |
| 386 | IS IT THE SWEARING? |
| 387 | I MEAN IS IT THE CONSTANT SWEARING? |
| 388 | BECAUSE, I GOT TO TELL YOU, IF IT IS |
| 389 | WELL, YOU CAN JUST KISS MY ASS. HUH? |
| 390 | NO. NO, IT'S NOT ABOUT THE SWEARING. |
| 391 | IT'S MORE ABOUT, UH... THE WAY THAT YOU |
| 392 | OCCASIONALLY CONCENTRATE |
| 393 | YOUR ENTHUSIASM... |
| 394 | ON MY BUTTOCKS. |
| 395 | OH. OH, AND DON'T GET ME WRONG. |
| 396 | I APPRECIATE THE SENTIMENT. |
| 397 | IT'S JUST THAT I... I HAVE A RATHER... |
| 398 | SENSITIVE POSTERIOR... |
| 399 | AND, UH, BESIDES IT'S MAKING |
| 400 | ALL THE OTHER GUYS JEALOUS. |
| 401 | WELL, SAY NO MORE. |
| 402 | YOU KNOW, IT TAKES GUTS TO BRING THIS UP. |
| 403 | BING! YOU'RE OKAY. |
| 404 | OKAY. |
| 405 | HA... |
| 406 | HUH... |
| 407 | HUH... HUH... |
| 408 | OKAY, WOULD YOU RATHER LIVE |
| 409 | IN THE SHIRT POCKET OF A SWEATY GIANT |
| 410 | OR INSIDE HIS SHOWER DRAIN? |
| 411 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 412 | PHOEBE, LOOK, IT'S ROSS AND THAT GIRL. |
| 413 | NO! NO! LOOK AT THAT! |
| 414 | IT'S A LINE OF ANTS! |
| 415 | THEY'RE WORKING AS A TEAM. |
| 416 | PHOEBE, COME ON. |
| 417 | RIGHT. OH, YEAH. |
| 418 | WOW. OH. IT LOOKS LIKE ROSS |
| 419 | IS BREAKING UP WITH HER. |
| 420 | OOF, I HOPE HE LETS HER DOWN EASY. LET'S GO. |
| 421 | COME ON, PHOEBE! LOOK AT THAT. |
| 422 | THEY'RE NOT BREAKING UP. LOOK AT THEM! |
| 423 | OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT THAT IS? THIS IS A SECOND DATE. |
| 424 | THAT'S WHAT THAT IS. |
| 425 | LOOK AT THAT. SHE'S JUST PUT HER HAND ON HIS THIGH. |
| 426 | OH, NO, THAT REALLY IS NOTHING. |
| 427 | SHE'S VERY SEXUALLY AGGRESSIVE. |
| 428 | OH! PHOEBE, THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT. |
| 429 | NOW HE LOVES HER. HE'S GOING TO MARRY HER, |
| 430 | AND THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT. |
| 431 | YOU SAID IT WAS OKAY. |
| 432 | YOU SAID SHE WAS BALD. |
| 433 | WAS. WAS, WAS, WAS, WAS, WAS. |
| 434 | PHOEBE, WE JUST CAN'T LET IT HAPPEN, OKAY? |
| 435 | WE HAVE TO DO SOMETHING. WE HAVE TO BREAK THEM UP, OKAY? |
| 436 | JUST GO IN THERE AND, LIKE, SHAVE HER HEAD. |
| 437 | YOU OWE ME ONE BALD GIRL. |
| 438 | OKAY, FIRST OF ALL, BREATHE. |
| 439 | SECOND OF ALL, I DON'T GET IT. |
| 440 | AREN'T YOU THE ONE THAT DECIDED YOU DIDN'T WANT TO BE WITH ROSS? |
| 441 | YES. |
| 442 | WELL, ISN'T HE YOUR FRIEND? |
| 443 | DON'T YOU WANT HIM TO BE HAPPY? |
| 444 | YES. |
| 445 | SO? |
| 446 | IT'S JUST, YOU KNOW, I DIDN'T EXPECT HIM |
| 447 | TO BE THIS HAPPY SO SOON. |
| 448 | ( groaning ) |
| 449 | OH... |
| 450 | OH, NO. WHAT? |
| 451 | OH, WE KILLED THEM ALL. |
| 452 | OH! |
| 453 | ( gasps ) |
| 454 | ( grunts ) |
| 455 | IT'S OKAY. IT'S NOT AS BAD AS IT LOOKS. |
| 456 | IT'S A PRECAUTION. |
| 457 | I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO MOVE MY SPINE. |
| 458 | PLEASE TELL ME YOU'RE STOPPING NOW. |
| 459 | I'M FINE. I'D FIGHT TONIGHT, |
| 460 | IF THEY'D LET ME. |
| 461 | NOW, SEE THIS CIRCLE I'M MARKING OFF HERE? |
| 462 | THIS IS MY ZONE OF TERROR. |
| 463 | YOU ARE INSANE. |
| 464 | YOU'VE GOT TO GIVE THIS UP. |
| 465 | I CAN'T UNTIL I'M THE ULTIMATE FIGHTER. |
| 466 | I WILL DO IT. |
| 467 | I'M TELLING YOU, THE DAY WILL COME |
| 468 | WHEN CHILDREN WILL ARGUE OVER WHO WILL WIN A FIGHT-- |
| 469 | ME OR SUPERMAN. |
| 470 | NOW, I'M NOT SAYING I CAN BEAT SUPERMAN, |
| 471 | BUT KIDS ARE STUPID. |
| 472 | SIT DOWN. ALL RIGHT, PLEASE, LISTEN TO ME. |
| 473 | YOU ARE TERRIBLE AT THIS. |
| 474 | YOU ARE THE WORST ULTIMATE FIGHTER EVER. |
| 475 | EVER. |
| 476 | YOU KNOW, I HAVE A TORN ROTATOR CUFF |
| 477 | A HAIRLINE FRACTURE ON MY RIGHT FOREARM |
| 478 | AND A SEVERELY BRUISED ADAM'S APPLE, BUT THAT |
| 479 | REALLY HURT. |
| 480 | WELL, THEN, YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 481 | I CARE ABOUT YOU TOO MUCH |
| 482 | TO WATCH YOU HURT YOURSELF LIKE THIS. |
| 483 | SO IF YOU HAVE TO DO THIS |
| 484 | THEN YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO DO IT WITHOUT ME. |
| 485 | WELL, IF YOU'RE ASKING ME TO QUIT |
| 486 | THEN YOU'RE ASKING ME TO BE SOMEONE I'M NOT. |
| 487 | I'VE GOT TO DO THIS. |
| 488 | THEN I'VE GOT TO GO. |
| 489 | GOOD-BYE. |
| 490 | MON... MONICA? YES? |
| 491 | COULD YOU LEAVE A NOTE 'CAUSE I'M ON A LOT OF PAINKILLERS NOW |
| 492 | AND I DON'T KNOW IF I'LL REMEMBER THIS TOMORROW. |
| 493 | SO, IN CONCLUSION, |
| 494 | THE LINES ALL GO UP, SO I'M HAPPY. |
| 495 | GREAT JOB, TEAM. TOMORROW, 8:30. |
| 496 | PHIL, NICE JOB. |
| 497 | STEVENS, WAY TO GO. |
| 498 | GOLDBERG, YOU MANIAC. |
| 499 | I LOVE YA. |
| 500 | BING, GOOD JOB. |
| 501 | COULDN'T HAVE DONE IT WITHOUT YOU. |
| 502 | THANK YOU, SIR. |
| 503 | OH, EXCUSE ME. |
| 504 | FORGOT MY BRIEFCASE. |
| 505 | YOU KNOW, BY ACCIDENT. |
| 506 | OF COURSE YOU DID. FORGOT SOMETHING ELSE, TOO, YOU BASTARD. |
| 507 | WELL, WHAT ABOUT YOU? |
| 508 | YOU'RE NOT FEELING LEFT OUT OR ANYTHING, ARE YOU? |
| 509 | NO. |
| 510 | NO. NOT AT ALL. THAT'S... THAT'S RIDICULOUS. |
| 511 | EVERYBODY ELSE GOT ONE AND YOU WANT ONE, TOO, DON'T YOU? |
| 512 | YES. YES, I DO. |
| 513 | NOW, GET ON OUT OF HERE, YOU. |
| 514 | Announcer: Pete Becker is circling the ring now. |
| 515 | Looks like he's just trying to feel him out. |
| 516 | Oh! Bruza is charging! |
| 517 | RUN! RUN, YOU CRAZY, RICH FREAK. |
| 518 | NO. I CAN'T WATCH THIS. |
| 519 | CHECK IT OUT, HE'S WINNING. PETE'S WINNING. |
| 520 | REALLY? |
| 521 | NO-OH-OH. |
| 522 | Uh-oh. Bruza has Becker on the canvas and is going |
| 523 | for his favorite area. |
| 524 | All: OH! UH-OH! |
| 525 | IF THAT'S HIS FAVORITE AREA, WHY IS HE BEING SO MEAN TO IT? |
| 526 | Ross: THIS IS IRONIC. |
| 527 | OF YOUR LAST TWO BOYFRIENDS |
| 528 | RICHARD DIDN'T WANT TO HAVE KIDS |
| 529 | AND FROM THE LOOKS OF IT, NOW PETE CAN'T. |
| 530 | WHOA! NO! |
| 531 | |
| 1 | SO, YOUR FIRST SEXUAL EXPERIENCE |
| 2 | WAS WITH A WOMAN? |
| 3 | ALL RIGHT, I WAS 15. |
| 4 | IT WAS MY BEST FRIEND RUTH |
| 5 | AND WE GOT DRUNK ON THAT HARD CIDER |
| 6 | AND THEN SUDDENLY, I DON'T KNOW-- |
| 7 | WE WERE MAKING OUT. |
| 8 | TELL IT AGAIN. |
| 9 | SERIOUSLY. |
| 10 | IS THAT WOMAN |
| 11 | CAPABLE OF TALKING ABOUT ANYTHING ELSE BUT SEX? |
| 12 | YEAH, SURE. |
| 13 | WELL, YOU KNOW, EARLIER |
| 14 | SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT GEOGRAPHY. |
| 15 | JOEY, SHE WAS LISTING THE COUNTRIES SHE'S DONE IT IN. |
| 16 | WELL, I THINK WE ALL LEARNED SOMETHING. |
| 17 | HEY, YOU GUYS, LOOK WHAT I FOUND. |
| 18 | LOOK AT THIS-- THAT'S MY MOM'S WRITING. |
| 19 | LOOK. |
| 20 | "ME AND FRANK AND PHOEBE, GRADUATION, 1965." |
| 21 | DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS? |
| 22 | THAT YOU'RE ACTUALLY 50? |
| 23 | NO, NO. THAT'S NOT ME PHOEBE. |
| 24 | THAT'S HER PAL PHOEBE. |
| 25 | ACCORDING TO HER HIGH SCHOOL YEARBOOK |
| 26 | THEY WERE, LIKE, B.F.F. |
| 27 | "BEST FRIENDS FOREVER." |
| 28 | OH. OH. |
| 29 | THAT'S GREAT. THAT'S SO COOL. |
| 30 | I KNOW. SO THIS WOMAN |
| 31 | PROBABLY HAS ALL KINDS OF STORIES ABOUT MY PARENTS |
| 32 | AND SHE MIGHT EVEN KNOW WHERE MY DAD IS. |
| 33 | SO I LOOKED HER UP. |
| 34 | SHE LIVES BY THE BEACH. |
| 35 | THIS WEEKEND, WE COULD GO TO THE BEACH. |
| 36 | WE CAN, YEAH. |
| 37 | SHOOT, I CAN'T GO-- I HAVE TO WORK. |
| 38 | THAT'S TOO BAD. |
| 39 | AWW, BIG FAT BUMMER. |
| 40 | SO, GREAT. OKAY. |
| 41 | TOMORROW WE'LL DRIVE OUT TO MONTAUK. |
| 42 | HEY, BONNIE HAD SEX THERE. |
| 43 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 44 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 45 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 46 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 47 | ♪ WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY ♪ |
| 48 | ♪ YOUR WEEK, YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 49 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 50 | ♪ WHEN THE RAIN STARTS TO POUR ♪ |
| 51 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 52 | ♪ LIKE I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE ♪ |
| 53 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 54 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME, TOO. ♪ |
| 55 | WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT? |
| 56 | I'M NEVER GOING TO FIND A BOYFRIEND AGAIN. |
| 57 | I'LL DIE AN OLD MAID. |
| 58 | YOU'RE NOT GOING TO DIE AN OLD MAID. |
| 59 | MAYBE AN OLD... SPINSTER COOK. |
| 60 | THANKS. |
| 61 | BESIDES, WORSE COMES TO WORST |
| 62 | I'LL BE YOUR BOYFRIEND. |
| 63 | ( guffaws ) |
| 64 | YEAH, RIGHT. |
| 65 | ( laughing harder ) |
| 66 | WHY IS THAT SO FUNNY? |
| 67 | YOU MADE A JOKE, RIGHT? |
| 68 | SO I LAUGHED. |
| 69 | ( laughs ) |
| 70 | ( forced laugh ) |
| 71 | A LITTLE TOO HARD. |
| 72 | WHAT AM I, NOT, UH, BOYFRIEND MATERIAL? |
| 73 | NO. YOU'RE CHANDLER. |
| 74 | YOU KNOW... CHANDLER. |
| 75 | OKAY, SO WE'VE ESTABLISHED MY NAME AND HIT ME. |
| 76 | BUT THEORETICALLY, SAY, WE WEREN'T FRIENDS. |
| 77 | SAY, IT'S A BLIND DATE, I SHOW UP AT YOUR DOOR |
| 78 | AND I'M, LIKE, UH |
| 79 | ( deep-voiced ): "HEY, NICE TO MEET YOU. HEY..." |
| 80 | I'D PROBABLY BE SCARED OF THE GUY |
| 81 | USING A FAKE VOICE. |
| 82 | HEY. |
| 83 | HEY. OH, GOOD. YOU BOUGHT FOOD. |
| 84 | NO. JUST MY LUGGAGE. |
| 85 | HEY. HI. |
| 86 | HEY, GUYS. |
| 87 | WHOO! |
| 88 | ALL RIGHT. YES. |
| 89 | I AM HAVING THE BEST KARMA THIS WEEK. |
| 90 | FIRST, I FIND THIS WOMAN WHO KNEW MY PARENTS |
| 91 | AND THEN MY CLIENT WITH THE FUZZY BACK |
| 92 | GIVES ME HIS BEACH HOUSE. |
| 93 | UH-HUH. WHAT ABOUT THAT BIKE MESSENGER YOU HIT? |
| 94 | OH, I WASN'T TALKING ABOUT HIS KARMA. |
| 95 | HEY. |
| 96 | HEY. |
| 97 | HEY, CHECK OUT THE HAT. |
| 98 | WAIT A MINUTE. |
| 99 | I KNOW THAT HAT. |
| 100 | I WAS TAKEN ABOARD THAT HAT. |
| 101 | THEY DID EXPERIMENTS ON ME. |
| 102 | I CAN'T HAVE CHILDREN! |
| 103 | SERIOUSLY, WHERE DID YOU GET THE HAT? |
| 104 | ROSS GAVE IT TO ME. |
| 105 | I THINK SHE LOOKS GOOD. |
| 106 | OH, THANK YOU. |
| 107 | HE BUY IT FOR YOU OR... |
| 108 | OR WIN IT FOR YOU? |
| 109 | WELL, EXCUSE ME, MY FASHION-IMPAIRED FRIENDS. |
| 110 | I'M HERE TO TELL YOU THAT HATS WERE BACK. |
| 111 | AND THIS TIME THEY'VE GANGED UP |
| 112 | AND FORMED ONE GIANT SUPERHAT. |
| 113 | GO, GO, GO! |
| 114 | NOW EVERYBODY WANTS TO BE UNDER THE HAT. |
| 115 | WHOA. |
| 116 | OY. |
| 117 | WHAT'S WITH ALL THIS SAND? |
| 118 | OH, YEAH, BOB SAID THERE MIGHT BE FLOOD DAMAGE. |
| 119 | EITHER THAT OR HE HAS A REALLY BIG CAT. |
| 120 | WELL, YES, IT'S KIND OF AN USUAL HOUSE. |
| 121 | IT HAS, UM, THREE BEAUTIFUL BEDROOMS AND, UH, NO BATHS. |
| 122 | BUT, YOU KNOW, THE OCEAN IS RIGHT THERE. |
| 123 | IT'S, IT... WELL... |
| 124 | KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK. |
| 125 | OH. HANG ON A SECOND. |
| 126 | COME IN, COME IN. |
| 127 | ALL RIGHT, THINK ABOUT IT AND CALL ME BACK. |
| 128 | ARE YOU, UH, PHOEBE ABBOTT? |
| 129 | UH, YES. |
| 130 | SURPRISE, PHOEBE ABBOTT. |
| 131 | I'M YOUR BEST FRIEND'S DAUGHTER. |
| 132 | YOU'RE IRWIN'S DAUGHTER? |
| 133 | SORRY. NO. |
| 134 | I-I'M YOUR OLD BEST FRIEND... |
| 135 | HERE. LILY? |
| 136 | FROM HIGH SCHOOL? REMEMBER? |
| 137 | OH, GOD. LILY. |
| 138 | YES, OF COURSE I REMEMBER LILY. |
| 139 | I... |
| 140 | THEN YOU MUST BE... |
| 141 | PHOEBE, PHOEBE. |
| 142 | PHOEBE. YEAH. |
| 143 | SHE NAMED ME AFTER YOU, I GUESS. |
| 144 | UH-HUH. |
| 145 | WOW. WELL, LOOK, THERE'S FRANK. |
| 146 | YEAH. |
| 147 | YES! YES! YES! |
| 148 | THAT'S MY DAD. |
| 149 | THAT'S FRANK, YEAH. |
| 150 | I'M SORRY. I'M GETTING ALL FLINGY. |
| 151 | TAKE IT EASY. |
| 152 | IF YOU WANT, THERE'S COOKIES ON THE COUNTER. |
| 153 | OR SANGRIA. I COULD MAKE SANGRIA. |
| 154 | NO, NO. |
| 155 | COOKIES ARE GOOD. |
| 156 | THANKS. |
| 157 | OH, UM... |
| 158 | ANYWAY, UM, I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR MY FATHER |
| 159 | AND, UM... |
| 160 | HAVE YOU HEARD FROM HIM OR SEEN HIM? |
| 161 | OH, NO. I'M SORRY. |
| 162 | I... I GUESS I LOST TRACK OF EVERYBODY AFTER HIGH SCHOOL. |
| 163 | OH. |
| 164 | OKAY. |
| 165 | WELL, SO, TELL ME EVERYTHING ABOUT MY PARENTS. EVERYTHING. |
| 166 | OH, WELL, WE WERE ALWAYS TOGETHER. |
| 167 | IN FACT, THE OTHER KIDS |
| 168 | HAD A NICKNAME FOR THE THREE OF US. |
| 169 | OH, WHAT? WHAT WAS IT? |
| 170 | "THE THREE LOSERS." |
| 171 | OH, POOR LILY. |
| 172 | OH... |
| 173 | YOU KNOW, I HEARD ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED. |
| 174 | THAT MUST HAVE BEEN JUST TERRIBLE FOR YOU |
| 175 | LOSING YOUR MOTHER THAT WAY. |
| 176 | YEAH, NO. |
| 177 | IT WAS GREAT. |
| 178 | HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT A REALLY GOOD RAINY DAY GAME IS? |
| 179 | WHAT? |
| 180 | I MEAN NAKED GAME? |
| 181 | STRIP POKER. |
| 182 | WE SHOULD TOTALLY PLAY STRIP POKER. |
| 183 | NO. |
| 184 | ARE YOU CRAZY? NO WAY. |
| 185 | WHEN YOU GO AWAY, YOU HAVE TO PLAY. |
| 186 | IT'S, LIKE, A LAW. |
| 187 | ALL DONE. |
| 188 | OH, THANK YOU. |
| 189 | OKAY, WHO'S NEXT? |
| 190 | NO. |
| 191 | NO WAY. |
| 192 | COME ON, PLEASE. |
| 193 | I'M BORED. |
| 194 | YOU LET ME DO IT ONCE BEFORE. |
| 195 | YEAH, WELL, IF, UH, IF THAT'S THE RULE THIS WEEKEND. |
| 196 | GET AWAY. TAKE IT LIKE A MAN. |
| 197 | NO! NO! |
| 198 | OH, COME ON. |
| 199 | BIG BULLIES! |
| 200 | ( grunts ) |
| 201 | ( squeals ) |
| 202 | OW! OW! |
| 203 | NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. |
| 204 | NO, NO, NO... |
| 205 | ( grunting ) OW! |
| 206 | HEY. |
| 207 | HEY. |
| 208 | SO, HOW ARE WE DOING? |
| 209 | BORED AND BORED. |
| 210 | HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT NAKED CARD GAME'S NEVER BORING? |
| 211 | All: NO! |
| 212 | SO, WHAT'S PHOEBE LIKE? |
| 213 | I'M KIND, CARING AND SWEET. |
| 214 | WHAT'S MONICA LIKE? |
| 215 | NO, THE OTHER PHOEBE-- |
| 216 | THE ONE YOU WENT TO GO SEE. |
| 217 | OH. I THINK SHE KNOWS WHERE MY DAD IS. |
| 218 | REALLY? COOL. |
| 219 | WHERE IS HE? |
| 220 | SHE WAS PRETENDING LIKE |
| 221 | SHE HASN'T HEARD FROM HIM IN YEARS |
| 222 | BUT I FOUND THIS PICTURE ON HER FRIDGE. |
| 223 | AND LOOK, ISN'T THIS |
| 224 | WHAT HE WOULD LOOK LIKE NOW? |
| 225 | TOTALLY FAMILIAR. |
| 226 | OH, YEAH. |
| 227 | AH, YEAH. |
| 228 | YEAH. |
| 229 | WHY WOULD SHE LIE TO YOU? |
| 230 | I DON'T KNOW, BUT WE'RE HAVING DINNER TOMORROW NIGHT |
| 231 | SO I FIGURED SHE'LL TELL ME THEN. |
| 232 | MAYBE SHE JUST WANTED TO GIVE HIM TIME TO... BUY ME PRESENTS. |
| 233 | OH... |
| 234 | SO, YOU'RE ALL BORED? |
| 235 | ( all groan ) |
| 236 | I'M GOING TO CLOSE MY EYES |
| 237 | AND POINT TO SOMEONE, AND WHOEVER I POINT TO |
| 238 | HAS TO COME UP WITH SOMETHING FUN FOR US TO DO |
| 239 | AND WE HAVE TO DO IT. |
| 240 | OKAY. FAIR ENOUGH. FAIR ENOUGH. |
| 241 | OKAY. |
| 242 | OOH, YOU KNOW, WE COULD JUST DO THIS. |
| 243 | OKAY, UM... |
| 244 | WE ALL HAVE TO PLAY STRIP POKER. |
| 245 | AAH, YES! |
| 246 | STRIP "HAPPY DAYS" GAME?! |
| 247 | YEAH. WELL, I COULDN'T FIND ANY CARDS. |
| 248 | SO, IT WAS EITHER THIS |
| 249 | OR STRIP BAG OF OLD KNITTING STUFF. |
| 250 | ♪ DONE. ♪ |
| 251 | OKAY... |
| 252 | "FONZIE GIVES YOU TWO THUMBS UP. |
| 253 | COLLECT TWO COOL POINTS." |
| 254 | YEAH. YEAH. |
| 255 | MONICA, YOU GET |
| 256 | FIVE COOL POINTS |
| 257 | YOU GET TO MAKE SOMEONE |
| 258 | TAKE OFF ONE ITEM OF CLOTHING. |
| 259 | IT HASN'T HAPPENED YET |
| 260 | BUT WE'RE ALL VERY EXCITED. |
| 261 | OKAY, COME ON. |
| 262 | DADDY NEEDS A NEW PAIR OF ELECTROMAGNETIC MICROSCOPES |
| 263 | FOR THE PREHISTORIC FORENSICS DEPARTMENT. |
| 264 | OKAY. "TAKE PINKY TUSCADERO UP TO INSPIRATION POINT. |
| 265 | COLLECT THREE COOL POINTS." |
| 266 | YEAH! WHICH GIVES ME FIVE |
| 267 | AND LET'S SEE WHO IS GOING TO LOSE THEIR CLOTHES. |
| 268 | UM... |
| 269 | I THINK I PICK OUR STRIP POKER SPONSOR |
| 270 | MR. JOEY TRIBBIANI. |
| 271 | WHOO-HOO! |
| 272 | ( whooping ) |
| 273 | ALL RIGHT, RELAX. |
| 274 | IT'S JUST A SHOE. |
| 275 | ( all whooping ) |
| 276 | OKAY, "YOUR BAND IS PLAYING AT ARNOLD'S. |
| 277 | COLLECT THREE COOL POINTS." |
| 278 | WHICH MEANS I HAVE FIVE |
| 279 | AND THAT MEANS I GET JOEY'S BOXERS. |
| 280 | FINE. GANG UP ON ME. |
| 281 | I GOT YOU ALL RIGHT WHERE I WANT YOU. |
| 282 | COME ON, TAKE THEM OFF. |
| 283 | ACTUALLY, IT'S KIND OF COLD |
| 284 | SO HOW ABOUT I KEEP MY BOXERS ON |
| 285 | AND GIVE YOU ALL A PEEK AT THE GOOD STUFF? |
| 286 | ALL RIGHT, I'M GOING TO MAKE MORE MARGARITAS. |
| 287 | WHOA, HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? |
| 288 | TRYING TO GET ME DRUNK? |
| 289 | I'M JUST MAKING MARGARITAS. |
| 290 | I THINK I'LL HELP HER OUT. |
| 291 | WHAT IS GOING ON HERE? |
| 292 | WHAT? |
| 293 | YOU PAINTING HIS TOENAILS... |
| 294 | OH, COME ON. |
| 295 | CHASING HIM AROUND THE ROOM... |
| 296 | MONICA, PLEASE. |
| 297 | HE'S TOTALLY FLIRTING WITH YOU, TOO. |
| 298 | HE IS, ISN'T HE? |
| 299 | I DON'T KNOW. I DON'T KNOW. |
| 300 | I MEAN, MAYBE IT'S JUST BEING HERE |
| 301 | AT THE BEACH TOGETHER OR... |
| 302 | I DON'T KNOW, BUT IT'S LIKE SOMETHING... |
| 303 | HEY. HI. |
| 304 | ( panting ) |
| 305 | Ross: HI, BONNIE. |
| 306 | HI. |
| 307 | MY BOSS LET ME OFF EARLY SO I TOOK THE TRAIN. |
| 308 | WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING? |
| 309 | WE'RE PLAYING STRIP "HAPPY DAYS" GAME. |
| 310 | COOL. I'LL CATCH UP. |
| 311 | SO, YOU STILL DON'T THINK I'M... BOYFRIEND MATERIAL? |
| 312 | HUH? |
| 313 | SAW YOU CHECKING ME OUT DURING THE GAME LAST NIGHT. |
| 314 | YOU DIDN'T EVEN TAKE OFF YOUR PANTS. |
| 315 | YEAH, WELL, LUCKY FOR YOU. |
| 316 | WHAT? |
| 317 | I DON'T KNOW. |
| 318 | WELL, IS EVERYBODY ELSE HAVING JUST THE BEST TIME? |
| 319 | SHH. SHH. |
| 320 | JOEY'S ASLEEP. |
| 321 | AFTER HE PASSED OUT |
| 322 | WE PUT THE SAND AROUND HIM TO KEEP HIM WARM. |
| 323 | WELL, I ASSUME THE HAPPY COUPLE ISN'T UP YET. |
| 324 | DID YOU GUYS HEAR THEM LAST NIGHT? |
| 325 | OH, YEAH. |
| 326 | I DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY WERE DOING |
| 327 | BUT AT ONE POINT, SEA TURTLES ACTUALLY CAME UP |
| 328 | TO THE HOUSE. |
| 329 | MORNING. |
| 330 | HEY. HOW DID EVERYBODY SLEEP? |
| 331 | OH, GREAT. LIKE A LOG. |
| 332 | Both: US, TOO. |
| 333 | I'M GOING FOR A WALK. |
| 334 | GOOD MORNING. |
| 335 | NICE BREASTS, BY THE WAY. |
| 336 | HEY, WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU? |
| 337 | OH, UH, NOTHING. |
| 338 | I JUST FELT LIKE HANGING OUT HERE AND READING. |
| 339 | THE WATER WAS SO GREAT. |
| 340 | WE JUMPED OFF THIS PIER AND MY SUIT CAME OFF. |
| 341 | OH... |
| 342 | SORRY I MISSED THAT. |
| 343 | YEAH. JOEY AND CHANDLER SURE ARE FUNNY. |
| 344 | OH. |
| 345 | I THINK I BROUGHT BACK HALF OF THE BEACH IN MY HAIR. |
| 346 | IT WAS SO MUCH EASIER WHEN I USED |
| 347 | TO SHAVE MY HEAD. |
| 348 | YOU KNOW... I GOT TO TELL YOU |
| 349 | I JUST LOVED YOUR LOOK WHEN YOU WERE BALD. |
| 350 | REALLY? OH! |
| 351 | BECAUSE I THINK ABOUT |
| 352 | SHAVING IT ALL OFF AGAIN SOMETIMES. |
| 353 | REALLY? |
| 354 | YEAH. |
| 355 | I MEAN, YOU DEFINITELY SHOULD DO THAT. |
| 356 | YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 357 | I SHOULD DO IT. |
| 358 | YEAH! |
| 359 | THANK YOU, RACHEL. |
| 360 | YOU ARE SO COOL. |
| 361 | OH, STOP. |
| 362 | NOW GO SHAVE THAT HEAD. |
| 363 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 364 | WHAT'S THE MATTER, PHEEBS? |
| 365 | SHE CANCELED. |
| 366 | MY NAMESAKE CANCELED ON ME. |
| 367 | SHE CLAIMS SHE HAD TO GO OUT OF TOWN SUDDENLY. |
| 368 | SHE'S AVOIDING ME. |
| 369 | SHE DOESN'T WANT TO TELL ME WHERE MY FATHER IS. |
| 370 | SHE KNOWS AND SHE WON'T TELL ME. |
| 371 | AW, PHEEBS, THAT SUCKS. |
| 372 | YEAH, WELL, DON'T "AW, PHEEBS THAT SUCKS" ME YET. |
| 373 | WHERE ARE YOU GOING? |
| 374 | SHE'S OUT OF TOWN. |
| 375 | THERE MUST BE SOMETHING IN HER HOUSE |
| 376 | THAT TELLS ME WHERE MY FATHER IS. |
| 377 | UH, PHEEBS, SOME PEOPLE CALL THAT |
| 378 | BREAKING AND ENTERING. |
| 379 | WELL, ARE ANY OF THOSE PEOPLE HERE? |
| 380 | OH, NO. NO, NO. |
| 381 | LOOK, I'LL DO SOMETHING NICE, OKAY? |
| 382 | I'LL-I'LL... |
| 383 | FILL HER ICE TRAYS. GOOD. |
| 384 | HEY, EVERYBODY. |
| 385 | WOW! |
| 386 | WHA...?! |
| 387 | ( laughing ) |
| 388 | LOOK WHAT YOU DID. |
| 389 | YOU WANT TO TOUCH IT? |
| 390 | NO. |
| 391 | BUT IT'S GREAT. |
| 392 | COME ON, TOUCH IT. |
| 393 | OKAY. |
| 394 | YOU COULD FEEL ALL THE BONES IN YOUR SKULL. |
| 395 | HI. |
| 396 | HI. |
| 397 | I WAS HAVING A LITTLE CHAT WITH BONNIE |
| 398 | AND GUESS WHAT? |
| 399 | SHE HAPPENED TO BRING UP, YOU KNOW, WHO WAS BEHIND |
| 400 | THE WHOLE, UM, HEAD SHAVING IDEA. |
| 401 | NOW, WHO WAS IT? |
| 402 | OH, THAT'S RIGHT. |
| 403 | IT WAS YOU. |
| 404 | LOOK, THAT... |
| 405 | THAT WAS HER IDEA. |
| 406 | I JUST GAVE HER A NUDGE. |
| 407 | SHE SAID |
| 408 | YOU GAVE HER THE RAZOR. |
| 409 | HEY. |
| 410 | HEY. |
| 411 | SO, ANYONE UP FOR A MIDNIGHT DIP IN THE OCEAN? |
| 412 | UH, I'M GOOD. |
| 413 | NO, THANKS. |
| 414 | OKAY, I'LL SEE YOU IN A BIT. |
| 415 | OKAY, HAVE FUN. BYE! |
| 416 | COME ON, SEE? |
| 417 | SHE DOESN'T LOOK... THAT BAD. |
| 418 | YOU CAN SEE THE MOONLIGHT BOUNCING OFF HER HEAD. |
| 419 | WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING? |
| 420 | I DON'T KNOW. |
| 421 | YOU DON'T KNOW. |
| 422 | YOU BALDED MY GIRLFRIEND. |
| 423 | ALL RIGHT, ROSS! |
| 424 | DO YOU THINK IT'S EASY FOR ME TO SEE YOU WITH SOMEBODY ELSE? |
| 425 | YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 426 | YOU'RE THE ONE WHO ENDED IT, REMEMBER? |
| 427 | YEAH, BECAUSE I WAS MAD AT YOU |
| 428 | NOT BECAUSE I STOPPED LOVING YOU! |
| 429 | YOU STILL LOVE ME? |
| 430 | NO. |
| 431 | YOU STILL LOVE ME. |
| 432 | OH. YEAH? |
| 433 | SO? |
| 434 | YOU LOVE ME. |
| 435 | NO. |
| 436 | N... |
| 437 | WHAT DOES THIS MEAN? |
| 438 | WHAT ARE YOU...? |
| 439 | I MEAN, DO YOU WANT TO... |
| 440 | GET BACK TOGETHER? |
| 441 | NO. |
| 442 | MAYBE. |
| 443 | I DON'T... I DON'T KNOW. |
| 444 | ROSS... |
| 445 | I STILL CAN'T FORGIVE YOU FOR WHAT YOU DID. |
| 446 | I... BUT SOMETIMES WHEN I'M WITH YOU |
| 447 | I JUST... I FEEL... |
| 448 | WHAT? WHAT? |
| 449 | I JUST... I FEEL... |
| 450 | I JUST... |
| 451 | WHAT? |
| 452 | I FEEL... |
| 453 | NO. |
| 454 | I DON'T CARE. |
| 455 | I'M NOT PLAYING ONE-ON-ONE STRIP POKER WITH YOU |
| 456 | FOR PRACTICE. |
| 457 | BUT I MADE CARDS. |
| 458 | WELL... |
| 459 | GOOD NIGHT. |
| 460 | I'M GOING UPSTAIRS. |
| 461 | GOOD NIGHT. GOOD NIGHT. |
| 462 | WANT TO PLAY STRIP POKER FOR PRACTICE? |
| 463 | OW! OH! |
| 464 | MY ASS. |
| 465 | OKAY. |
| 466 | OKAY. |
| 467 | OKAY. |
| 468 | OOH! SHH! |
| 469 | SHH. |
| 470 | ( clinking continues ) |
| 471 | SHH. |
| 472 | ( shrieks ) |
| 473 | NO! OH! IT'S ME! IT'S ME! |
| 474 | I DIDN'T WANT TO MAKE ANY NOISE! |
| 475 | THEN DON'T BREAK IN! |
| 476 | I'M SORRY. |
| 477 | WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? |
| 478 | I... I... CAME TO FILL YOUR ICE CUBE TRAY. |
| 479 | WHAT? |
| 480 | UM... |
| 481 | OKAY. |
| 482 | OKAY, LOOK... |
| 483 | I TOOK THIS PICTURE FROM YOUR FRIDGE, OKAY? |
| 484 | BECAUSE I KNOW THAT THIS IS MY FATHER. |
| 485 | THIS IS FRANK BUFFAY |
| 486 | AND YOU ARE STANDING RIGHT THERE NEXT TO HIM. |
| 487 | LOOK, I DESERVE TO KNOW WHERE I CAME FROM, ALL RIGHT? |
| 488 | SO IF YOU CAN HELP ME FIND MY FATHER |
| 489 | THEN YOU SHOULD. |
| 490 | OTHERWISE, YOU'RE JUST... MEAN. |
| 491 | SO JUST TELL ME THE TRUTH. |
| 492 | ALL RIGHT, THE MAN IN THAT PICTURE |
| 493 | IS CHUCK MANGIONE. |
| 494 | MY FATHER IS CHUCK MANGIONE? |
| 495 | NO, NO. THAT'S JUST CHUCK MANGIONE. |
| 496 | I SOLD HIM A HOUSE LAST YEAR. |
| 497 | AND I'M VERY SORRY |
| 498 | BUT I REALLY DON'T KNOW WHERE YOUR FATHER IS. |
| 499 | AND THAT'S THE TRUTH. |
| 500 | OH. |
| 501 | BUT, UM, YOU'RE RIGHT. |
| 502 | I THINK THAT A PERSON SHOULD KNOW WHERE THEY COME FROM. |
| 503 | WHICH IS WHY I, UH... |
| 504 | UH... |
| 505 | OKAY... |
| 506 | I'M YOUR MOTHER. |
| 507 | HEH? |
| 508 | SEE, YOU KNOW, I WANTED TO TELL YOU YESTERDAY |
| 509 | BUT I JUST... YOU KNOW, I FELT ALL FLOOPY. |
| 510 | Joey: I'M TELLING YOU |
| 511 | YOU GUYS ARE TOTALLY GETTING BACK TOGETHER. |
| 512 | THAT'S NOT TRUE. |
| 513 | SHE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW WHAT SHE WANTS. |
| 514 | SHE'S STILL MAD ABOUT THE WHOLE THING. |
| 515 | OKAY, WELL, THEN YOU GOT TO BACK AWAY, ALL RIGHT? |
| 516 | YOU DON'T NEED THAT KIND OF HURT. |
| 517 | TAKE IT FROM GUY WHO'S... |
| 518 | NEVER HAD A LONG-TERM RELATIONSHIP. |
| 519 | I KNOW, BUT... |
| 520 | I REALLY WANT TO GO UP THERE AND FINISH THAT KISS. |
| 521 | HEY. |
| 522 | YOU GUYS, THE WATER IS GREAT. |
| 523 | YOU SHOULD REALLY GO IN. |
| 524 | OH, UH, NO, THANKS. |
| 525 | I JUST HAD AN M & M. |
| 526 | OKAY. |
| 527 | WELL, GOOD NIGHT. |
| 528 | GOOD NIGHT. |
| 529 | DON'T BE TOO LONG. |
| 530 | OKEY-DOKEY. |
| 531 | THERE IS NOT ONE HAIR ON THAT HEAD. |
| 532 | HEY, IT'LL GROW BACK, RIGHT? |
| 533 | AND SHE'S-SHE'S REALLY FUN AND SHE'S COOL |
| 534 | AND-AND I'M FINALLY MOVING ON, YOU KNOW? |
| 535 | I MEAN, GETTING OVER RACHEL WAS SO... AH... |
| 536 | I'M FINALLY FEELING SANE AGAIN. |
| 537 | AND NOW IF I GO UP THERE AND I KISS HER AND... |
| 538 | GOD, I WANT TO KISS HER. |
| 539 | AND-AND IT DOESN'T WORK OUT, RIGHT |
| 540 | DO I REALLY WANT TO PUT MYSELF THROUGH THAT AGAIN? |
| 541 | SO LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT. |
| 542 | IF YOU GO WITH BONNIE TONIGHT |
| 543 | YOU'RE DOING THE SMART, HEALTHY THING |
| 544 | AND MOVING ON, RIGHT? |
| 545 | AND IF YOU GO WITH RACHEL, BONNIE'S FREE TONIGHT? |
| 546 | HI. |
| 547 | ( deeply ): HI THERE. |
| 548 | THAT'S THAT WEIRD VOICE AGAIN. |
| 549 | OKAY, OKAY. LET ME TRY IT AGAIN. |
| 550 | YOU'RE GOING TO WANT TO DATE THIS NEXT GUY, I SWEAR. |
| 551 | OKAY, COME ON. |
| 552 | ( knocking ) |
| 553 | HI. I'M DORF... |
| 554 | YOUR DATE FOR THE EVENING. |
| 555 | OH, COME ON-- |
| 556 | DORF ON DATING? THAT'S GOOD STUFF. |
| 557 | [Captioned by The Caption Center WGBH Educational Foundation] |
| 558 | |
| 1 | WE WENT TO THE BEACH. |
| 2 | PHOEBE FOUND THIS LADY WHO KNEW HER PARENTS. |
| 3 | I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED WITH THAT. |
| 4 | I'M YOUR MOTHER. |
| 5 | HUH? |
| 6 | MONICA JOKED SHE WOULDN'T |
| 7 | GO OUT WITH A GUY LIKE CHANDLER. |
| 8 | HE COULDN'T LET IT GO. |
| 9 | I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED WITH THAT. |
| 10 | THEN ROSS'S NEW GIRLFRIEND, BONNIE, SHOWS UP |
| 11 | AND RACHEL CONVINCED HER TO SHAVE HER HEAD. |
| 12 | THEN ROSS AND RACHEL KISS. |
| 13 | ROSS HAS TO CHOOSE BETWEEN RACHEL |
| 14 | AND THE BALD GIRL... |
| 15 | AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED THERE, EITHER. |
| 16 | LET ME GO GET CHANDLER. |
| 17 | HI. |
| 18 | HEY. HI. |
| 19 | RACHEL WAS JUST HELPING ME OUT. |
| 20 | MY HEAD GOT ALL SUNBURNED. |
| 21 | AW. |
| 22 | THANKS A MILLION. |
| 23 | OH, YOU'RE WELCOME A MILLION. |
| 24 | OKAY, I'LL BE IN OUR ROOM. |
| 25 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 26 | I KNOW. |
| 27 | OKAY, I GOT TO GO. |
| 28 | WHAT? WHAT? |
| 29 | I GOT TO GO BREAK UP WITH BONNIE. |
| 30 | HERE? NOW? |
| 31 | WELL, YEAH. |
| 32 | I CAN'T STAY HERE ALL NIGHT. |
| 33 | IF I GO IN THERE, SHE'LL WANT TO... |
| 34 | DO STUFF. |
| 35 | CAN'T YOU JUST TELL HER |
| 36 | THAT YOU ARE NOT IN THE MOOD? |
| 37 | NO, SHE LIKES THAT. |
| 38 | FAKING SLEEP DOESN'T WORK, EITHER. |
| 39 | I CAN'T TELL YOU HOW MANY MORNINGS I WOKE UP WITH HER... |
| 40 | EW. |
| 41 | OKAY. |
| 42 | WHY AM I TELLING YOU THAT? |
| 43 | I DON'T KNOW. |
| 44 | UH... |
| 45 | IT WASN'T EVERY MORNING... |
| 46 | MAKING IT WORSE. |
| 47 | OKAY. |
| 48 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 49 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 50 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 51 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 52 | ♪ WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY ♪ |
| 53 | ♪ YOUR WEEK, YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 54 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 55 | ♪ WHEN THE RAIN STARTS TO POUR ♪ |
| 56 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 57 | ♪ LIKE I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE ♪ |
| 58 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 59 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME TOO. ♪ |
| 60 | I GUESS YOU'D LIKE TO KNOW HOW IT ALL HAPPENED. |
| 61 | I-I MEAN, I THINK I CAN FIGURE IT OUT. |
| 62 | I GUESS I WAS BORN |
| 63 | AND THEN, EVERYONE STARTED LYING THEIR ASSES OFF. |
| 64 | NO, NO. IT WASN'T LIKE THAT. |
| 65 | REMEMBER HOW I TOLD YOU HOW LILY AND FRANK AND I |
| 66 | WERE CLOSE? |
| 67 | WELL, WE WERE VERY CLOSE. |
| 68 | HOW CLOSE? |
| 69 | WELL, THE THREE OF US |
| 70 | WE WERE KIND OF A COUPLE. |
| 71 | I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW THAT WOULD WORK. |
| 72 | WELL, WE WOULD... |
| 73 | I'M NOT ASKING. |
| 74 | WELL, ANYHOW, SOMEHOW, I GOT PREGNANT |
| 75 | AND I WAS... |
| 76 | SCARED. |
| 77 | I WAS STUPID AND SELFISH AND... |
| 78 | I WAS 18 YEARS OLD. |
| 79 | I MEAN, YOU REMEMBER WHAT IT WAS LIKE |
| 80 | TO BE 18 YEARS OLD, DON'T YOU? |
| 81 | YEAH. |
| 82 | LET'S SEE... |
| 83 | MY MOM HAD KILLED HERSELF AND MY DAD HAD RUN OFF |
| 84 | AND I WAS LIVING IN A GREMLIN WITH A GUY NAMED CINDY |
| 85 | WHO TALKED TO HIS HAND. |
| 86 | OH, I'M SO SORRY. |
| 87 | I THOUGHT I WAS LEAVING YOU |
| 88 | WITH THE BEST PARENTS IN THE WORLD. |
| 89 | I DIDN'T EVEN HEAR ABOUT YOUR MOM AND DAD |
| 90 | TILL A COUPLE OF YEARS AGO. |
| 91 | BY THEN, YOU WERE ALREADY GROWN UP |
| 92 | AND, I DON'T KNOW, YOU'RE HERE |
| 93 | AND I WOULD REALLY... |
| 94 | I WOULD LIKE TO GET TO KNOW YOU. |
| 95 | YEAH, WELL, EVERYBODY DOES. |
| 96 | I'M A REALLY COOL PERSON. |
| 97 | AND, YOU KNOW, YOU HAD 29 YEARS TO FIND THAT OUT |
| 98 | BUT YOU DIDN'T EVEN TRY. |
| 99 | YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 100 | YOU WALKED OUT ON ME. |
| 101 | I'M DOING THE SAME TO YOU. |
| 102 | WAIT... |
| 103 | I DON'T EVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN. |
| 104 | ( sighs ) |
| 105 | WHERE'S MY PURSE? |
| 106 | SHOOT. WE'RE OUT OF SODA. |
| 107 | I'LL GO OUT AND GET YOU SOME. |
| 108 | REALLY? |
| 109 | NOPE, 'CAUSE I'M NOT YOUR BOYFRIEND. |
| 110 | HEY, PHEEBS, HOW DID IT GO? |
| 111 | WELL... |
| 112 | MY MOM'S FRIEND, PHOEBE |
| 113 | IS ACTUALLY MY BIRTH MOM. |
| 114 | I FOUND A DRIED-UP SEA HORSE. |
| 115 | SWEETIE, WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? |
| 116 | OH, MY NEW MOM |
| 117 | WHO'S A BIG, FAT ABANDONER. |
| 118 | WELL, PHEEBS, WAIT A SECOND. |
| 119 | DON'T YOU WANT TO STAY HERE AND TALK ABOUT IT? |
| 120 | NO. I WANT... |
| 121 | I NEED TO BE ALONE. |
| 122 | MONICA?! |
| 123 | OH. |
| 124 | IT'S OVER. |
| 125 | OH, WAS IT AWFUL? |
| 126 | WELL, IT WAS LONG. |
| 127 | I DIDN'T EVEN REALIZE HOW LATE IT WAS |
| 128 | TILL I NOTICED THE 5:00 SHADOW |
| 129 | ON HER HEAD. |
| 130 | ( stifled laugh ) |
| 131 | ANYWAY, SHE DIDN'T WANT TO STAY. |
| 132 | I CALLED A CAB. |
| 133 | SHE JUST LEFT. |
| 134 | I WROTE YOU A LETTER. |
| 135 | OH, THANK YOU. |
| 136 | I LIKE MAIL. |
| 137 | THERE'S JUST... |
| 138 | YOU KNOW, SOME THINGS I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT-- |
| 139 | THINGS ABOUT US-- |
| 140 | AND BEFORE I CAN EVEN THINK ABOUT |
| 141 | THE TWO OF US GETTING BACK TOGETHER |
| 142 | I JUST NEED TO KNOW HOW YOU FEEL |
| 143 | ABOUT THIS STUFF. |
| 144 | OKAY. |
| 145 | OKAY. |
| 146 | IT'S... |
| 147 | IT'S 5:30 IN THE MORNING. |
| 148 | SO... I BETTER GET CRACKING ON THIS BABY. |
| 149 | SO, I'LL BE WAITING FOR YOU. |
| 150 | JUST COME UP WHEN YOU'RE DONE. |
| 151 | OKAY. |
| 152 | I'LL BE UP IN... |
| 153 | 18 PAGES. |
| 154 | FRONT AND BACK. |
| 155 | IT'S VERY EXCITING. |
| 156 | OH, OH, OH. |
| 157 | HEY. |
| 158 | WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU? |
| 159 | WHY DIDN'T YOU COME UP? |
| 160 | DONE. |
| 161 | YOU JUST FINISHED? |
| 162 | WELL, I WANTED TO BE THOROUGH. |
| 163 | I MEAN, THIS IS CLEARLY |
| 164 | VERY, VERY IMPORTANT TO YOU... |
| 165 | TO US. |
| 166 | SO I WANTED TO READ EVERY WORD CAREFULLY... |
| 167 | TWICE. |
| 168 | SO, UM... |
| 169 | DOES IT? |
| 170 | I'M SORRY? |
| 171 | DOES IT? |
| 172 | DOES IT? |
| 173 | DOES IT? |
| 174 | YEAH, I WANTED TO GIVE THAT WHOLE "DOES IT" PART |
| 175 | JUST ANOTHER GLANCE. |
| 176 | WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? |
| 177 | YOU SAID YOU READ IT TWICE. |
| 178 | LOOK, IT EITHER DOES OR IT DOESN'T |
| 179 | AND IF YOU HAVE TO EVEN THINK ABOUT IT... |
| 180 | NO, NO, RACH, NO, I DON'T. |
| 181 | I DON'T HAVE TO THINK ABOUT IT. I DON'T. |
| 182 | IN FACT... |
| 183 | I'VE DECIDED. |
| 184 | I HAVE DECIDED THAT... |
| 185 | THAT IT... |
| 186 | DOES. |
| 187 | ( sniffling ) |
| 188 | ARE YOU SURE? |
| 189 | SURE, I'M SURE. |
| 190 | ALL RIGHT, THERE'S A NUCLEAR HOLOCAUST. |
| 191 | I'M THE LAST MAN ON EARTH. |
| 192 | WOULD YOU GO OUT WITH ME? |
| 193 | EHH. |
| 194 | I'VE GOT CANNED GOODS. |
| 195 | HEY, GUYS, TAKE A LOOK AT THIS. |
| 196 | CHECK THIS BABY OUT. |
| 197 | DUG ME A HOLE. |
| 198 | EXCELLENT HOLE, JOE. |
| 199 | OH, NO! |
| 200 | MY HOLE! |
| 201 | OW! OW! |
| 202 | WHAT IS IT? |
| 203 | JELLYFISH STING! |
| 204 | IT HURTS! IT HURTS! |
| 205 | CAN WE HELP YOU? |
| 206 | YOU WANT US TO TAKE YOU BACK TO THE HOUSE? |
| 207 | IT'S LIKE TWO MILES. |
| 208 | AND I'M A LITTLE TIRED FROM DIGGING THE HOLE. |
| 209 | OW! OW! |
| 210 | DAMN THE JELLYFISH! |
| 211 | DAMN ALL THE JELLYFISH! |
| 212 | WE'VE GOT TO DO SOMETHING. |
| 213 | THERE'S ONLY ONE THING YOU CAN DO. |
| 214 | WHAT? WHAT IS IT? |
| 215 | YOU HAVE TO PEE ON IT. |
| 216 | WHAT?! |
| 217 | GROSS! |
| 218 | DON'T BLAME ME. |
| 219 | I SAW IT ON THE DISCOVERY CHANNEL. |
| 220 | YOU KNOW WHAT? HE'S RIGHT. |
| 221 | THERE'S SOMETHING LIKE AMMONIA IN THAT |
| 222 | THAT KILLS THE PAIN. |
| 223 | WELL, FORGET IT. |
| 224 | IT DOESN'T HURT THAT... |
| 225 | BAD! |
| 226 | IF YOU WANT SOME PRIVACY, YOU CAN USE MY HOLE. |
| 227 | WELL, I'M READY TO GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE. |
| 228 | OH... |
| 229 | ARE YOU..? |
| 230 | ARE YOU?! |
| 231 | OH, THAT'S SO GREAT! |
| 232 | OOH, NOT FOR BONNIE. |
| 233 | BUT FOR YOU, YAY. |
| 234 | HEY. |
| 235 | Rachel: HOW WAS THE BEACH? |
| 236 | NOTHING. I DON'T KNOW. ( mumbling ) |
| 237 | WHAT HAPPENED? |
| 238 | NOTHING. |
| 239 | I'M GOING TO TAKE A SHOWER. |
| 240 | ME, TOO. |
| 241 | ME, TOO. |
| 242 | OKAY, I'M GOING TO PUT THIS IN THE CAR. |
| 243 | OH, I HAVE TO GO PACK. |
| 244 | OH. |
| 245 | AND IT REALLY DOES? |
| 246 | IT DOES. |
| 247 | IT REALLY AND TRULY DOES. |
| 248 | IT SO DOES NOT! |
| 249 | SHE WANTS ME TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY |
| 250 | FOR EVERYTHING THAT WENT WRONG IN OUR RELATIONSHIP. |
| 251 | I MEAN, SHE GOES ON FOR FIVE PAGES |
| 252 | ABOUT HOW I WAS UNFAITHFUL TO HER. |
| 253 | WE WERE ON A BREAK! |
| 254 | OH, MY GOD! IF YOU SAY THAT ONE MORE TIME |
| 255 | I'LL BREAK UP WITH YOU. |
| 256 | FINE, FINE. BUT THIS BREAKUP WAS NOT ALL MY FAULT |
| 257 | AND SHE SAYS HERE |
| 258 | "IF YOU ACCEPT FULL RESPONSIBILITY..." |
| 259 | FULL RESPONSIBILITY! |
| 260 | "I CAN BEGIN TO TRUST YOU AGAIN. |
| 261 | "DOES THAT SEEM LIKE SOMETHING YOU CAN DO? |
| 262 | DOES IT?!" |
| 263 | NO? |
| 264 | YOU HAVE WHAT YOU WANT. |
| 265 | YOU'RE BACK WITH RACHEL. |
| 266 | IF YOU BRING THIS UP NOW |
| 267 | YOU'LL WRECK THE BEST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED TO YOU. |
| 268 | YEAH, I KNOW. |
| 269 | YOU'RE RIGHT. |
| 270 | ( sighs ) |
| 271 | YEAH, I GUESS I'LL LET IT GO. |
| 272 | BUT YOU... YOU UNDERSTAND |
| 273 | HOW HARD IT IS TO FORGET ABOUT THIS. |
| 274 | SURE, IT'S HARD TO FORGET |
| 275 | BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU HAVE TO TALK ABOUT IT. |
| 276 | A LOT OF THINGS HAPPENED ON THAT TRIP |
| 277 | THAT WE SHOULD NEVER, EVER TALK ABOUT. |
| 278 | WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED ON THAT BEACH? |
| 279 | IT'S BETWEEN US AND THE SEA, ROSS. |
| 280 | HI, URSULA. |
| 281 | HEY. |
| 282 | OKAY, WELL, I KNOW |
| 283 | THAT WE HAVEN'T TALKED IN A LONG TIME |
| 284 | BUT, UM, OKAY... |
| 285 | OUR MOM IS NOT OUR BIRTH MOM. |
| 286 | THIS OTHER LADY IS OUR BIRTH MOM. |
| 287 | RIGHT. OKAY. THE ONE THAT LIVES IN MONTAUK. MM-HMM. |
| 288 | YOU KNOW HER? |
| 289 | NO. I, UM, I READ ABOUT HER IN MOM'S SUICIDE NOTE. |
| 290 | THERE WAS A SUICIDE NOTE? |
| 291 | WELL, DO YOU STILL HAVE IT? |
| 292 | HANG ON. |
| 293 | I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DIDN'T TELL ME |
| 294 | THERE WAS A SUICIDE NOTE. |
| 295 | YEAH. SO HOW HAVE YOU BEEN DOING? |
| 296 | I'VE... UH... SHUT UP. |
| 297 | "GOOD-BYE, PHOEBE AND URSULA. |
| 298 | "I'LL MISS YOU. |
| 299 | P.S. YOUR MOM LIVES IN MONTAUK." |
| 300 | YOU JUST WROTE THIS! |
| 301 | WELL, IT'S PRETTY MUCH THE GIST. |
| 302 | WELL, EXCEPT FOR THE POEM. |
| 303 | YOU READ THE POEM, RIGHT? |
| 304 | NO. |
| 305 | ALL RIGHT. HANG ON. |
| 306 | PASS THE CHEESE, PLEASE. |
| 307 | ( groans ) |
| 308 | MY GOD, YOU CAN'T EVEN LOOK AT ME, CAN YOU? |
| 309 | NOPE. |
| 310 | HEY, IT'S PHOEBE! |
| 311 | WE CAN TALK TO PHOEBE! |
| 312 | NO. I'M TOO DEPRESSED TO TALK. |
| 313 | I'LL GIVE YOU $1,000 TO TALK TO US. |
| 314 | HEY, YOU GUYS, WHAT DO YOU THINK |
| 315 | ABOUT MAKING THAT BEACH TRIP AN ANNUAL THING? |
| 316 | NO! NO! NO! |
| 317 | ALL RIGHT, WHAT HAPPENED OUT THERE? |
| 318 | WHAT? |
| 319 | WE TOOK A WALK. |
| 320 | NOTHING HAPPENED. |
| 321 | AND I CAME BACK WITH NOTHING ALL OVER ME. |
| 322 | COME ON, WHAT HAPPENED? |
| 323 | JOEY? |
| 324 | ALL RIGHT. NO! |
| 325 | JOEY, WE SWORE WE'D NEVER TELL. |
| 326 | THEY'LL NEVER UNDERSTAND. |
| 327 | WELL, WE HAVE TO SAY SOMETHING. |
| 328 | WE HAVE TO GET IT OUT. |
| 329 | IT'S EATING ME ALIVE! |
| 330 | MONICA GOT STUNG BY A JELLYFISH. |
| 331 | ALL RIGHT! |
| 332 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 333 | I GOT STUNG. |
| 334 | STUNG BAD. |
| 335 | I COULDN'T STAND. |
| 336 | I... I COULDN'T WALK. |
| 337 | WE WERE TWO MILES FROM THE HOUSE. |
| 338 | WE WERE SCARED AND ALONE. |
| 339 | WE DIDN'T THINK WE COULD MAKE IT. |
| 340 | I WAS IN TOO MUCH PAIN. |
| 341 | AND I WAS TIRED FROM DIGGING THE HUGE HOLE. |
| 342 | AND THEN, JOEY REMEMBERED SOMETHING. |
| 343 | I'D SEEN THIS THING ON THE DISCOVERY CHANNEL. |
| 344 | WAIT A MINUTE. |
| 345 | I SAW THAT. |
| 346 | ON THE DISCOVERY CHANNEL. |
| 347 | YEAH, ABOUT JELLYFISH, AND HOW IF YOU... |
| 348 | EWW! |
| 349 | YOU PEED ON YOURSELF? |
| 350 | EWW! EWW! |
| 351 | YOU CAN'T SAY THAT! |
| 352 | YOU DON'T KNOW! |
| 353 | I MEAN, I THOUGHT I WOULD PASS OUT FROM THE PAIN. |
| 354 | ANYWAY, I TRIED... |
| 355 | BUT I COULDN'T... BEND THAT WAY. |
| 356 | SO... |
| 357 | EWW! EWW! EWW! |
| 358 | THAT'S RIGHT, I STEPPED UP! |
| 359 | SHE'S MY FRIEND, AND SHE NEEDED HELP. |
| 360 | IF I HAD TO, I'D PEE ON ANY ONE OF YOU. |
| 361 | ONLY, UH... |
| 362 | I COULDN'T. |
| 363 | I GOT THE STAGE FRIGHT. |
| 364 | I WANTED TO HELP |
| 365 | BUT THERE WAS JUST TOO MUCH PRESSURE |
| 366 | SO... SO I, UH... I TURNED TO CHANDLER. |
| 367 | ( muffled scream ) |
| 368 | JOEY KEPT SCREAMING AT ME |
| 369 | "DO IT NOW! DO IT! DO IT! |
| 370 | DO IT NOW!" |
| 371 | SOMETIMES, LATE AT NIGHT |
| 372 | I CAN STILL HEAR THE SCREAMING. |
| 373 | ( chuckling ) |
| 374 | THAT'S 'CAUSE SOMETIMES |
| 375 | I JUST DO IT THROUGH MY WALL TO FREAK YOU OUT. |
| 376 | Phoebe: ♪ ...AND FUCHSIA AND MAUVE ♪ |
| 377 | ♪ THOSE ARE THE 66 COLORS OF MY BEDROOM. ♪ |
| 378 | ( sparse applause ) |
| 379 | THANK YOU. THANK YOU. |
| 380 | OH, AND I INVITE ALL OF YOU |
| 381 | TO COUNT THE COLORS IN YOURBEDROOM. |
| 382 | EXCEPT FOR YOU. |
| 383 | YOU GO AWAY. |
| 384 | I'LL GO IN A SECOND. |
| 385 | I JUST WANT TO TELL YOU |
| 386 | THAT THERE HASN'T BEEN A DAY |
| 387 | WHEN I DIDN'T REGRET GIVING YOU UP. |
| 388 | OKAY. BYE. |
| 389 | NO. I'M NOT DONE. |
| 390 | I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW |
| 391 | THAT THE REASON I NEVER LOOKED YOU UP WAS BECAUSE... |
| 392 | WELL, I WAS AFRAID THAT YOU WOULD REACT... |
| 393 | JUST, WELL, LIKE THE WAY YOU'RE REACTING RIGHT NOW |
| 394 | AND... CAN'T WE JUST |
| 395 | YOU KNOW, START FROM HERE, PLEASE? |
| 396 | NO. |
| 397 | OKAY. |
| 398 | SORRY. |
| 399 | BUT JUST ONE LAST THING. |
| 400 | YOU KNOW, YOU CAME LOOKING FOR FAMILY. |
| 401 | I'M FAMILY. |
| 402 | ( sighs ) |
| 403 | I'M IT. |
| 404 | WELL, NOW I'M DONE. |
| 405 | BUT IT'S NOT LIKE WE'RE LOSING ANYTHING, YOU KNOW? |
| 406 | YEAH, I GUESS YOU'RE RIGHT. |
| 407 | IT'S NOT LIKE WE KNOW EACH OTHER OR ANYTHING |
| 408 | OR THAT WE HAVE ANYTHING IN COMMON. |
| 409 | WELL, I DON'T KNOW. |
| 410 | I MEAN, IT'S NOT LIKE |
| 411 | WE DON'T HAVE ANYTHING IN COMMON. |
| 412 | I MEAN, I LIKE PIZZA. |
| 413 | I... I LIKE PIZZA. |
| 414 | YOU DO! HA! |
| 415 | WAIT, I LIKE, UM, THE BEATLES. |
| 416 | OH, MY GOD, SO DO I! |
| 417 | OH, I KNEW IT! |
| 418 | WOW! |
| 419 | WAIT-WAIT-WAIT. |
| 420 | PUPPIES-- CUTE OR UGLY? |
| 421 | OH, SO CUTE. |
| 422 | UH-HUH! WELL? |
| 423 | YOU SEE? |
| 424 | BUT I'M STILL... I'M MAD AT YOU. |
| 425 | I KNOW. |
| 426 | I'M MAD AT ME, TOO. |
| 427 | WELL, UM, DO YOU WANT TO GET SOMETHING TO EAT? |
| 428 | 'CAUSE I'M KIND OF HUNGRY. |
| 429 | HEY! ME, TOO! |
| 430 | STOP IT. NOW YOU'RE JUST DOING IT |
| 431 | TO FREAK ME OUT. |
| 432 | ( deep sigh ) |
| 433 | OH, I MISSED YOU. |
| 434 | I MISSED YOU, TOO. |
| 435 | OH, I WAS SO NERVOUS ABOUT THAT LETTER. |
| 436 | BUT THE WAY YOU OWNED UP TO EVERYTHING |
| 437 | IT JUST... SHOWED ME |
| 438 | HOW MUCH YOU'VE GROWN, YOU KNOW? |
| 439 | I SUPPOSE. |
| 440 | NO, YOU HAVE, ROSS, YOU HAVE. |
| 441 | YOU SHOULD GIVE YOURSELF CREDIT. |
| 442 | I MEAN, MY MOM NEVERTHOUGHT THIS WOULD WORK OUT. |
| 443 | ( chuckling ) |
| 444 | SHE WAS ALL, "ONCE A CHEATER, ALWAYS A CHEATER." |
| 445 | MM-HMM. |
| 446 | OH... I JUST WISH WE HADN'T LOST THOSE FOUR MONTHS. |
| 447 | BUT IF TIME WAS WHAT YOU NEEDED |
| 448 | JUST TO GAIN A LITTLE PERSPECTIVE... |
| 449 | Ross: WE WERE ON A BREAK! |
| 450 | COFFEE HOUSE? |
| 451 | YOU BET. |
| 452 | AND FOR THE RECORD, IT TOOK TWO PEOPLE |
| 453 | TO BREAK UP THIS RELATIONSHIP. |
| 454 | YOU AND THAT GIRL FROM THE COPY PLACE |
| 455 | WHICH, YESTERDAY, YOU TOOK FULL RESPONSIBILITY FOR. |
| 456 | I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT I WAS TAKING RESPONSIBILITY FOR, OKAY? |
| 457 | I DIDN'T FINISH THE WHOLE LETTER. |
| 458 | WHAT? |
| 459 | I FELL ASLEEP. |
| 460 | YOU FELL ASLEEP? |
| 461 | IT WAS 5:30 IN THE MORNING |
| 462 | AND YOU HAD RAMBLED ON FOR 18 PAGES. |
| 463 | FRONT AND BACK! |
| 464 | ( groans ) |
| 465 | OH-OH-OH, AND BY THE WAY |
| 466 | Y-O-U APOSTROPHE R-E |
| 467 | MEANS "YOU ARE." |
| 468 | Y-O-U-R MEANS "YOUR." |
| 469 | HA! YOU KNOW, I CAN'T BELIEVE |
| 470 | I EVEN THOUGHT OF GETTING BACK TOGETHER WITH YOU. |
| 471 | WE ARE SO OVER. |
| 472 | ( choked up ): OH... OH... OH... |
| 473 | FINE BY ME! |
| 474 | OH, AND HEY, THOSE LITTLE SPELLING TIPS |
| 475 | WILL COME IN HANDY |
| 476 | WHEN YOU'RE AT HOME ON SATURDAY NIGHTS |
| 477 | PLAYING SCRABBLE WITH MONICA! |
| 478 | HEY... SORRY! |
| 479 | I JUST FEEL BAD ABOUT ALL THAT SLEEP YOU'RE GOING TO MISS |
| 480 | WISHING YOU WERE WITH ME. |
| 481 | OH, NO-NO-NO, DON'T YOU WORRY ABOUT ME FALLING ASLEEP. |
| 482 | I STILL HAVE YOUR LETTER! |
| 483 | AND HEY, JUST SO YOU KNOW... |
| 484 | IT'S NOT THAT COMMON |
| 485 | IT DOESN'T HAPPEN TO EVERY GUY |
| 486 | AND IT IS A BIG DEAL! |
| 487 | I KNEW IT! |
| 488 | GIN. |
| 489 | WE WERE PLAYING GIN? |
| 490 | YOU KNOW, IF WE WERE A COUPLE |
| 491 | WE COULD PLAY THIS GAME NAKED. |
| 492 | ( laughing ) |
| 493 | WOULD YOU STOP? |
| 494 | OKAY. ALL RIGHT. |
| 495 | OKAY, ALL RIGHT. |
| 496 | I THINK YOU'RE GREAT. |
| 497 | I THINK YOU'RE SWEET AND YOU'RE SMART |
| 498 | AND I LOVE YOU. |
| 499 | BUT YOU WILL ALWAYS BE THE GUY WHO PEED ON ME. |
| 500 | [Captioned by The Caption Center WGBH Educational Foundation] |
| 501 | |
| 1 | WOW, THAT RIPPED. |
| 2 | THAT RIPPED REAL NICE. |
| 3 | HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU-- |
| 4 | YOU TURN AND SLIDE? |
| 5 | YOU KNOW? TURN AND SLIDE. |
| 6 | YOU DON'T TURN AND SLIDE. |
| 7 | YOU THROW IT OUT. |
| 8 | I'M TIRED OF HAVING TO GET A TETANUS SHOT |
| 9 | EVERY TIME I GET DRESSED. |
| 10 | WELL, WE'RE NOT THROWING IT OUT. |
| 11 | I BUILT THIS THING WITH MY OWN HANDS. |
| 12 | ALL RIGHT. HOW 'BOUT WE... |
| 13 | HOW 'BOUT WE SELL IT? |
| 14 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 15 | BUT YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO TELL THEM. |
| 16 | DO YOU MIND IF WE STICK YOU IN A DIFFERENT CABINET? |
| 17 | THEY SEEM ALL RIGHT WITH IT. |
| 18 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU ♪ |
| 19 | ♪ LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 20 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 21 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 22 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 23 | ♪ WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY ♪ |
| 24 | ♪ YOUR WEEK, YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 25 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 26 | ♪ WHEN THE RAIN STARTS TO POUR ♪ |
| 27 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 28 | ♪ LIKE I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE ♪ |
| 29 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 30 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME, TOO. ♪ |
| 31 | ( machine beeps ) |
| 32 | Hey, Monica. It's Chip. |
| 33 | YES! WHO'S CHIP? |
| 34 | SHH! It was good running into you at the bank today, |
| 35 | so here's my number-- 555-9323. |
| 36 | Give me a call. Later. |
| 37 | "CHIP" IS CHIP MATTHEWS. |
| 38 | THE GUY WHO TOOK RACHEL TO THE PROM? |
| 39 | WHY IS HE CALLING YOU? |
| 40 | BECAUSE I RAN INTO HIM AT THE BANK. |
| 41 | HE IS STILL SO CUTE. |
| 42 | MONICA, YOU'RE SO LUCKY. HE'S LIKE THE MOST POPULAR GUY IN SCHOOL! |
| 43 | I KNOW! |
| 44 | CHIP? HI. IT'S MONICA. |
| 45 | 'KAY. |
| 46 | 'KAY. |
| 47 | OKAY. |
| 48 | OKAY. GOOD-BYE. |
| 49 | OH, MY GOD, WE JUST HAD THE BEST CONVERSATION. |
| 50 | I WAS JUST LEAVING. |
| 51 | GOOD, |
| 52 | 'CAUSE I'VE GOT A PRODUCT REPORT TO READ. |
| 53 | IT'S LIKE EIGHT PAGES. |
| 54 | I HOPE I DON'T FALL ASLEEP. |
| 55 | WHY? DID YOU WRITE IT? |
| 56 | WHOA. |
| 57 | LOOK AT THAT. |
| 58 | CHIP MATTHEWS CALLED. |
| 59 | WONDER WHAT HE WANTS. |
| 60 | WELL, UH, ACTUALLY... |
| 61 | I BET HE SENSED |
| 62 | THAT I WAS READY TO HAVE SEX WITH ANOTHER GUY. |
| 63 | WELL, UM... |
| 64 | WHY DON'T YOU GIVE HIM A CALL? |
| 65 | OKAY. |
| 66 | ( clearing throat ) |
| 67 | ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO HEAR THIS? |
| 68 | OH, I'M SURE. |
| 69 | CHIP. HI. IT'S RACHEL. |
| 70 | RACHEL GREEN. |
| 71 | YEAH. UM, YOU LEFT ME A MESSAGE? |
| 72 | YES, YOU DID. MY ROOMMATE WROTE IT DOWN. |
| 73 | MONICA GELLER? |
| 74 | OH. |
| 75 | OH, THAT'S RIGHT. |
| 76 | HE CALLED TO ASK OUT MONICA. |
| 77 | OHH. THAT'S-- THAT'S GOT TO BE EMBARRASSING. |
| 78 | ♪ DUMB DRUNKEN BITCH! ♪ |
| 79 | ( scattered applause ) |
| 80 | THANK YOU. |
| 81 | THANKS. |
| 82 | NOW, HERE'S A QUESTION. |
| 83 | WHERE'D YOU GUYS GET "THE FINEST OAK |
| 84 | EAST OF THE MISSISSIPPI"? |
| 85 | UH-UH. FIRST YOU TELL US WHERE YOU GOT |
| 86 | THE PRETTIEST LACE IN ALL THE LAND. |
| 87 | I'M READING YOUR AD. |
| 88 | LOOKS GOOD, HUH? |
| 89 | YEAH. |
| 90 | "STUNNING ENTERTAINMENT CENTER, FINE..." |
| 91 | "FINE ITALIAN CRAFTSMANSHIP." |
| 92 | OH, MY GOD. YOU GUYS ARE SELLING THE ENTERTAINMENT CENTER? |
| 93 | WHY? I LOVE THAT THING. |
| 94 | YOU WANT IT? |
| 95 | EWW! NO! |
| 96 | UH, GEPPETTO? |
| 97 | $5,000? |
| 98 | ARE YOU INSANE? |
| 99 | HEY, THE AD ALONE COST 300 BUCKS. |
| 100 | ALL RIGHT, LOOK. I'M CHANGING IT TO $50 |
| 101 | OR YOUR BEST OFFER. |
| 102 | WHAT KIND OF PROFIT IS THAT? |
| 103 | AND YOU CALL YOURSELF AN ACCOUNTANT? |
| 104 | NO. |
| 105 | OH. |
| 106 | WHAT DO YOU DO? |
| 107 | I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT I DO FOR A LIVING. |
| 108 | I ACTUALLY DON'T. |
| 109 | SOMETHING TO DO WITH...? |
| 110 | OH, MY GOD! NO! SHOO, KITTY! NO! |
| 111 | NO, NO, NO. SHOO! |
| 112 | COME ON, YOU. |
| 113 | COME ON. YOU'RE CRAZY. |
| 114 | OH, MY GOD. WHAT? |
| 115 | NOTHING. NOTHING. |
| 116 | WHAT? WHAT'S WRONG? |
| 117 | I JUST... |
| 118 | I JUST HAVE THIS REALLY STRONG FEELING THAT... |
| 119 | THIS CAT IS MY MOTHER. |
| 120 | YOU MEAN THE MOM YOU MET IN MONTAUK? |
| 121 | SHE WAS A CAT? |
| 122 | NO. NO, NO, SHE WAS A HUMAN LADY. |
| 123 | THIS IS THE SPIRIT OF MY MOM, LILY-- |
| 124 | THE ONE THAT KILLED HERSELF. |
| 125 | ARE YOU SURE SHE'S IN THE CAT, OR HAVE YOU BEEN TAKING |
| 126 | YOUR GRANDMA'S GLAUCOMA MEDICINE AGAIN? |
| 127 | NO, DR. SKEPTISMO. |
| 128 | I'M SURE. |
| 129 | FIRST OF ALL, OKAY, |
| 130 | THERE'S THE FEELING. |
| 131 | OKAY, AND FOR ANOTHER, HOW 'BOUT THE FACT |
| 132 | THAT SHE WENT INTO MY GUITAR CASE? |
| 133 | WHICH IS LINED WITH ORANGE FELT. |
| 134 | MY MOTHER'S FAVORITE FISH WAS ORANGE ROUGHY. |
| 135 | CATS LIKE FISH. |
| 136 | HI, MOMMY. |
| 137 | OH! I HAVEN'T SEEN THIS SMILE IN 17 YEARS. |
| 138 | DUDE, PHOEBE'S MOM'S GOT A HUGE PAIR... |
| 139 | LET IT GO. |
| 140 | HEY. |
| 141 | UM, WHEN WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME |
| 142 | THAT YOU'RE GOING OUT WITH CHIP MATTHEWS? |
| 143 | NOW. |
| 144 | IS IT OKAY IF I GO OUT WITH CHIP MATTHEWS? |
| 145 | NO, IT'S NOT OKAY. |
| 146 | I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WOULD WANT TO, |
| 147 | AFTER WHAT HE DID TO ME. |
| 148 | WHAT? THAT LITTLE THING AT THE PROM? |
| 149 | MONICA, I COULDN'T FIND HIM FOR TWO HOURS. |
| 150 | HE WAS HAVING SEX WITH AMY WELSH. |
| 151 | COME ON, THAT WAS BACK IN HIGH SCHOOL. |
| 152 | HOW COULD THAT STILL BOTHER YOU? |
| 153 | WHY, OF ALL PEOPLE, |
| 154 | DO YOU HAVE TO GO OUT WITH CHIP? |
| 155 | LOOK, YOU AND I WENT TO DIFFERENT HIGH SCHOOLS. |
| 156 | THAT DOESN'T HELP ME BECAUSE WE WENT TO THE SAME HIGH SCHOOL. |
| 157 | YOU WENT TO ONE WHERE YOU WERE POPULAR |
| 158 | AND YOU GOT TO RIDE OFF ON CHIP'S MOTORCYCLE |
| 159 | AND WEAR HIS LETTERMAN JACKET. |
| 160 | I WENT TO ONE WHERE I WORE A BAND UNIFORM |
| 161 | THEY HAD TO HAVE SPECIALLY MADE. |
| 162 | THEY HAD TO HAVE THAT SPECIALLY MADE? |
| 163 | IT WAS A PROJECT FOR ONE OF THE HOME EC CLASSES. |
| 164 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 165 | THEY TOLD US THAT WAS FOR THE MASCOT. |
| 166 | BACK THEN, I THOUGHT THAT I WOULD NEVER, EVER GET THE CHANCE |
| 167 | TO GO OUT WITH A CHIP MATTHEWS |
| 168 | AND NOW HE'S... HE'S CALLED ME UP AND ASKED ME OUT |
| 169 | AND THE FAT GIRL INSIDE ME REALLY WANTS TO GO. |
| 170 | I OWE HER THIS. |
| 171 | I NEVER LET HER EAT. |
| 172 | OH, YOU GO OUT WITH HIM. |
| 173 | OH, REALLY? YEAH. |
| 174 | JUST, IF IT'S POSSIBLE COULD YOU LEAVE HIM SOMEWHERE |
| 175 | AND GO HAVE SEX WITH ANOTHER GUY? |
| 176 | I'LL TRY. |
| 177 | YOU GUYS HAVING ANY LUCK GETTING RID |
| 178 | OF THE ENTERTAINMENT CENTER? |
| 179 | THERE WERE A COUPLE CALLS LAST NIGHT |
| 180 | BUT I DON'T THINK ANY OF THEM ARE GOING TO WORK OUT. |
| 181 | YES, JOEY HAS A VERY CAREFUL SCREENING PROCESS. |
| 182 | APPARENTLY, NOT EVERYONE IS QUALIFIED TO OWN |
| 183 | WOOD AND NAILS. |
| 184 | STOP IT. STOP IT. |
| 185 | SHE KEEPS SQUIRMING AND TRYING TO GET AWAY-- |
| 186 | JUST LIKE WHEN SHE WAS ALIVE. |
| 187 | SO, PHEEBS, HOW LONG IS YOUR MOM GOING TO BE WITH US? |
| 188 | WELL, I'M NOT SURE. |
| 189 | I MEAN, I GUESS UNTIL SHE, YOU KNOW, GETS USED TO THE FACT |
| 190 | THAT THERE'S, YOU KNOW, A NEW MOM. |
| 191 | YOU KNOW, I THINK SHE'S WORRIED THAT SHE'S GOING TO... |
| 192 | SHE'S GOING TO BE REPLACED. |
| 193 | WELL, THAT'S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN, IS IT? NO. |
| 194 | OKAY, I HAVE TO RETURN A CALL IN THE OTHER ROOM. |
| 195 | WHY CAN'T YOU USE THE PHONE IN HERE? |
| 196 | WELL, I'M RETURNING A CALL FROM A CERTAIN MOM |
| 197 | AT THE B-E-A-C-H. |
| 198 | I JUST SPELLED THE WRONG WORD. |
| 199 | SO, GUYS, AM I CRAZY, OR DOES PHOEBE'S MOM |
| 200 | REMIND ANYONE ELSE OF A CAT? |
| 201 | ROSS, DON'T START. COME ON. |
| 202 | YOU CAN'T TELL ME YOU ACTUALLY BELIEVE |
| 203 | THAT THERE'S A WOMAN INSIDE THAT CAT. |
| 204 | I BELIEVE IT. |
| 205 | NO, YOU DON'T. |
| 206 | YES, I DO. |
| 207 | NO, YOU D... |
| 208 | YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 209 | YOU'RE NOT GOING TO SUCK ME INTO THIS. |
| 210 | OH, SURE, I AM-- |
| 211 | BECAUSE YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO BE RIGHT. |
| 212 | I DO NOT ALWAYS HAVE... OKAY, OKAY. |
| 213 | JURASSIC PARK COULD HAPPEN. |
| 214 | WOW. THAT'S, UH... THAT'S PRETTY NICE. |
| 215 | PRETTY NICE? |
| 216 | YOU'LL HAVE TO PARDON MY ROOMMATE. |
| 217 | HE WANTED TO MARRY THIS. |
| 218 | WE DON'T HAVE 50 BUCKS. |
| 219 | BUT WOULD YOU BE WILLING TO TRADE FOR IT? |
| 220 | WE GOT A CANOE. |
| 221 | YOU KNOW, I... I REALLY DON'T THINK WE NEED A CANOE. |
| 222 | YOU GOT TO TAKE THE CANOE. |
| 223 | ALL RIGHT, JUST... |
| 224 | JUST TAKE THE ENTERTAINMENT CENTER |
| 225 | AND THEN WHEN YOU GET HOME |
| 226 | THROW THE CANOE AWAY. |
| 227 | WE'RE NOT THROWING IT AWAY. |
| 228 | I BUILT THAT CANOE. |
| 229 | GOOD FOR YOU! |
| 230 | YOU GUYS, YOU'RE NEVER GOING TO BELIEVE |
| 231 | WHAT I JUST FOUND TACKED UP ON A TELEPHONE POLE. |
| 232 | LOOK KIND OF FAMILIAR? |
| 233 | APPARENTLY, PHOEBE'S MOTHER ALSO GOES BY THE NAME JULIO. |
| 234 | YOU GUYS, THERE'S A LITTLE GIRL IN SOHO LOOKING FOR THIS CAT. |
| 235 | I MEAN, YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS? |
| 236 | YEAH, A $200 REWARD SPLIT FIVE WAYS. |
| 237 | DO WE HAVE TO TELL HER? |
| 238 | YES, WE HAVE TO TELL HER. |
| 239 | OH, BUT IT'S MADE HER SO HAPPY. |
| 240 | LITTLE GIRL MISSES HER CAT. |
| 241 | CRAZY LADY THINKS HER MOTHER IS IN A CAT. |
| 242 | OKAY. YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 243 | I HAVE TO HAVE DINNER WITH MY SON. |
| 244 | CAN I TRUST WHEN YOU SEE PHOEBE, YOU WILL TELL HER? |
| 245 | YES. YEAH. |
| 246 | THANK YOU. |
| 247 | I HATE IT WHEN ROSS IS RIGHT. |
| 248 | HE IS RIGHT, ISN'T HE? |
| 249 | HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT? I THINK THIS MIGHT BE ONE OF THE TIMES |
| 250 | WHEN HE'S WRONG. |
| 251 | YOU THINK? YOU THINK? |
| 252 | OH, NO. HE'S RIGHT. |
| 253 | HI. HI. |
| 254 | HEY. |
| 255 | UH, PHEEBS... |
| 256 | ABOUT YOUR MOM... |
| 257 | YEAH? |
| 258 | HOW'S THAT GOING? |
| 259 | SO GREAT. |
| 260 | OH, WE TOOK A NAP TOGETHER TODAY. |
| 261 | MY MOM FELL ASLEEP ON MY TUMMY AND PURRED. |
| 262 | THAT'S SO SWEET. |
| 263 | I'M GOING TO GET SOME COFFEE. |
| 264 | OKAY. |
| 265 | HUH? WHAT'D YOU SAY, JOE? |
| 266 | I'LL BE RIGHT THERE. |
| 267 | PHEEBS... |
| 268 | I JUST FEEL SO... OH... |
| 269 | ALL RIGHT, ALREADY. GEEZ! I'M COMING ALREADY. |
| 270 | ( knock at door ) |
| 271 | NOT YET, NOT YET, NOT YET, NOT YET |
| 272 | NOT YET, NOT YET, NOT YET! |
| 273 | HELLO, CHIP. HEY, RACH, HOW YOU DOING? |
| 274 | I'M GREAT. I'M GREAT. |
| 275 | GOT A GREAT JOB AT BLOOMINGDALE'S |
| 276 | I HAVE WONDERFUL FRIENDS |
| 277 | AND EVEN THOUGH I'M NOT SEEING ANYONE RIGHT NOW |
| 278 | I'VE REALLY NEVER FELT BETTER ABOUT MYSELF. |
| 279 | SO, UH, MONICA READY YET? |
| 280 | SHE'LL BE OUT IN A SECOND. |
| 281 | SO, CHIP, HOW'S, UM, AMY WELSH? |
| 282 | AMY WELSH? |
| 283 | WOW. I HAVEN'T SEEN HER SINCE... |
| 284 | SO... MONICA ABOUT READY? |
| 285 | THIS IS THE UNIT FOR YOU, MY FRIEND-- |
| 286 | STURDY CONSTRUCTION, TONS OF STORAGE COMPARTMENTS |
| 287 | SOME BIG ENOUGH TO FIT A GROWN MAN. |
| 288 | WHAT? |
| 289 | OH, YEAH. I GOT IN THERE MYSELF ONCE. |
| 290 | MY ROOMMATE BET ME FIVE BUCKS THAT I COULDN'T |
| 291 | AND THEN HE STUCK A BOARD THROUGH THE HANDLES |
| 292 | AND LOCKED ME IN-- YEAH. |
| 293 | IT WAS FUNNY TILL I STARTED FEELING LIKE I WAS IN A COFFIN. |
| 294 | NO, YOU... |
| 295 | YOU CAN'T FIT IN THAT THING. |
| 296 | THAT'S NOT DEEP ENOUGH. |
| 297 | OH, YEAH? |
| 298 | IF I CAN'T |
| 299 | I'LL KNOCK FIVE BUCKS OFF THE PRICE OF THE UNIT. |
| 300 | YOU HAVE YOURSELF A DEAL. |
| 301 | OKAY. |
| 302 | SEE? I TOLD YOU. |
| 303 | SOMETIMES I COME IN HERE JUST TO GET AWAY FROM IT. |
| 304 | HEY, A NICKEL! |
| 305 | HERE WE ARE. |
| 306 | OH, MY GOD, YOU STILL HAVE THE CHIPPER. |
| 307 | THE WHAT? |
| 308 | THAT'S WHAT WE USED TO CALL YOUR MOTORCYCLE |
| 309 | IN HIGH SCHOOL. |
| 310 | YOU KNOW, A MOTORCYCLE'S A CHOPPER |
| 311 | AND YOU'RE CHIP. |
| 312 | NEVER MIND. |
| 313 | NO. I THINK IT'S CUTE. |
| 314 | WOW. |
| 315 | A LIPPER FROM THE CHIPPER. |
| 316 | SO, YOU STILL IN TOUCH WITH ANYONE FROM HIGH SCHOOL? |
| 317 | UM, THERE'S RACHEL, AND, UM... |
| 318 | I THINK THAT'S IT. HOW ABOUT YOU? |
| 319 | OH, YEAH, I STILL HANG WITH SIMMONS AND ZANA |
| 320 | AND I SEE SPINDLER A LOT AND LEVINE AND KELLY |
| 321 | AND I RUN INTO GOLDIE FROM TIME TO TIME. |
| 322 | STICK, BROWN, ZOLKOV, McGUIRE |
| 323 | J.T., BEARDSLEY... |
| 324 | IS THAT ALL? |
| 325 | YOU KNOW, AFTER HIGH SCHOOL |
| 326 | YOU JUST KIND OF LOSE TOUCH. |
| 327 | OH, YEAH, I RAN INTO RICHARD DORFMAN. |
| 328 | OH, HOW IS HE? NOT SO GOOD. |
| 329 | ME AND SIMMONS GAVE HIM A WEDGIE. |
| 330 | ISN'T HE AN ARCHITECT NOW? |
| 331 | YEAH, THEY STILL WEAR UNDERWEAR. |
| 332 | OH, MY GOD! |
| 333 | WHAT?! |
| 334 | ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? |
| 335 | YEAH. |
| 336 | WHAT HAPPENED? |
| 337 | OH, MAN! HE PROMISED HE WOULDN'T TAKE THE CHAIRS. |
| 338 | WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED? HOW WERE YOU LOCKED IN THERE? |
| 339 | WHERE THE HELL'S ALL OF OUR STUFF? |
| 340 | WELL, THIS GUY CAME BY TO LOOK AT THE UNIT |
| 341 | AND HE SAID HE DIDN'T THINK IT WAS BIG ENOUGH |
| 342 | TO FIT A GROWN MAN. |
| 343 | SO, YOU GOT IN VOLUNTARILY? |
| 344 | I WAS TRYING TO MAKE A SALE. |
| 345 | OH, MAN. IF I EVER RUN INTO THAT GUY AGAIN, |
| 346 | YOU KNOW WHAT I'M GOING TO DO? |
| 347 | BEND OVER?! |
| 348 | ( chuckling ) |
| 349 | AND THEN ZANA JUST LET ONE RIP! |
| 350 | NOT THAT I DON'T ENJOY TALKING ABOUT PEOPLE |
| 351 | WE WENT TO HIGH SCHOOL WITH, 'CAUSE I DO |
| 352 | BUT MAYBE WE COULD TALK ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE. |
| 353 | LIKE YOU. I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE YOU WORK. |
| 354 | YOU KNOW WHERE I WORK. I DO? |
| 355 | THE MOVIE THEATER. YOU USED TO COME IN ALL THE TIME. |
| 356 | YOU STILL WORK AT THE MULTIPLEX? |
| 357 | LIKE I'D GIVE UP THAT JOB. |
| 358 | FREE POPCORN AND CANDY ANYTIME I WANT? |
| 359 | I CAN GET YOU FREE POSTERS FOR YOUR ROOM. |
| 360 | THANKS. I'M SET. |
| 361 | DO YOU STILL LIVE WITH YOUR PARENTS? |
| 362 | YEAH, BUT I CAN STAY OUT AS LATE AS I WANT. |
| 363 | WOW. THEY REALLY GOT YOU GUYS-- |
| 364 | YOUR TV, THE CHAIRS. |
| 365 | YEAH, YOUR MICROWAVE, THE STEREO... |
| 366 | OH, MAN, HE TOOK THE FIVE OF SPADES! |
| 367 | OH, NO, NO. HERE IT IS. |
| 368 | OH, MY GOD. WHAT HAPPENED? |
| 369 | OH, UM, JOEY WAS BORN |
| 370 | AND THEN 28 YEARS LATER, I WAS ROBBED. |
| 371 | SO HOW WAS YOUR DATE? |
| 372 | WELL, YOU KNOW HOW I ALWAYS WANTED TO GO OUT |
| 373 | WITH CHIP MATTHEWS IN HIGH SCHOOL? |
| 374 | WELL, TONIGHT, I ACTUALLY WENT OUT |
| 375 | WITH CHIP MATTHEWS IN HIGH SCHOOL. |
| 376 | OH, HONEY, I'M SORRY. |
| 377 | NO, IT'S OKAY. NOT ONLY DID I GET TO GO OUT WITH CHIP MATTHEWS |
| 378 | I GOT TO DUMP CHIP MATTHEWS. |
| 379 | OH, THAT'S SO GREAT. |
| 380 | I KNOW. |
| 381 | HEY. |
| 382 | SO, UH, WHAT DID THE INSURANCE COMPANY SAY? |
| 383 | OH, THEY SAID, "YOU DON'T HAVE INSURANCE HERE |
| 384 | SO STOP CALLING US." |
| 385 | YOU DIDN'T TELL HER? |
| 386 | OKAY, FINE. |
| 387 | PHEEBS. |
| 388 | YEAH, HI. HI. |
| 389 | LISTEN, UH... |
| 390 | THIS CAT BELONGS TO A LITTLE GIRL. |
| 391 | ALL RIGHT? THERE ARE FLYERS ALL OVER THE PLACE. |
| 392 | I'M SORRY, SWEETIE. |
| 393 | HEY, WE CAN TAKE HER BACK WITH YOU IF YOU WANT. |
| 394 | OH. HM-MMM. |
| 395 | BUT YOU KNOW, SHE CHOSE TO FIND ME. |
| 396 | I MEAN, I HAVE TO RESPECT HER DECISION, RIGHT? |
| 397 | IT'S A GOOD CALL. RIGHT. |
| 398 | NO, NO! HEY! ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! |
| 399 | LOOK, I AM SORRY THAT YOU FEEL GUILTY |
| 400 | OR WHATEVER ABOUT SPENDING TIME WITH YOUR NEW MOM |
| 401 | BUT THIS IS NOT YOUR OLD MOM. |
| 402 | THIS IS A CAT, OKAY? |
| 403 | JULIO THE CAT. |
| 404 | NOT MOM. CAT. |
| 405 | OKAY. |
| 406 | ROSS, HOW MANY PARENTS HAVE YOU LOST? |
| 407 | NONE. |
| 408 | THEN YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT FEELS LIKE |
| 409 | WHEN ONE OF THEM COMES BACK |
| 410 | DO YOU? |
| 411 | I BELIEVE THIS IS MY MOTHER. |
| 412 | EVEN IF I'M WRONG, WHO CARES? |
| 413 | JUST BE A FRIEND, OKAY? |
| 414 | BE SUPPORTIVE. |
| 415 | I'M SORRY. |
| 416 | OKAY. |
| 417 | I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY. |
| 418 | YOU COULD SAY YOU'RE SORRY TO HER MOM. |
| 419 | I THINK SHE WOULD LIKE THAT. |
| 420 | COME HERE, HERE, COME HERE, COME HERE. |
| 421 | MRS. BUFFAY? |
| 422 | SORRY ABOUT WHAT I SAID. |
| 423 | UM, IT WAS-- IT WAS INSENSITIVE |
| 424 | OF ME TO SAY THAT YOU WERE JUST A CAT... |
| 425 | WHEN CLEARLY YOU ARE ALSO |
| 426 | THE REINCARNATED SPIRIT... |
| 427 | OF MY FRIEND'S MOTHER. |
| 428 | THANK YOU. |
| 429 | WE BOTH FORGIVE YOU. |
| 430 | HONEY, WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT THE LITTLE GIRL? |
| 431 | YEAH. OKAY, LISTEN... |
| 432 | UM, MOM, I HOPE YOU KNOW |
| 433 | THAT YOU STILL MEAN A LOT TO ME |
| 434 | AND YOU'RE WELCOME TO COME BACK ANYTIME. |
| 435 | PHEEBS, IF SHE COULD COME BACK AS A COUCH |
| 436 | WE'D REALLY APPRECIATE IT. |
| 437 | COME ON, MOM, I'M GOING TO TAKE YOU HOME. |
| 438 | I'LL GO WITH YOU. ME, TOO. |
| 439 | OH, YOU KNOW, I GOT AN EXTRA FUTON. |
| 440 | DUDE, YOU DON'T HAVE TO BRAG! |
| 441 | WE GOT NOTHING HERE! |
| 442 | |
| 1 | HEY! WE ARE SO IN LUCK. |
| 2 | TREEGER SAID WE COULD HAVE |
| 3 | ALL THIS COOL STUFF FROM THE BASEMENT. |
| 4 | WAIT RIGHT THERE. |
| 5 | OH, NO, NO. |
| 6 | I'M PADDLING AWAY. |
| 7 | HUH? |
| 8 | WOW. REALLY? |
| 9 | WE GOT ALL THIS RUSTY CRAP FOR FREE? |
| 10 | UH-HUH. |
| 11 | THIS AND A BUNCH OF BUBBLE WRAP |
| 12 | AND SOME OF IT IS NOT EVEN POPPED. |
| 13 | ( quacking ) |
| 14 | COULD WE BE MORE WHITE TRASH? |
| 15 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 16 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 17 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 18 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 19 | ♪ WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY ♪ |
| 20 | ♪ YOUR WEEK, YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 21 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 22 | ♪ WHEN THE RAIN STARTS TO POUR ♪ |
| 23 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 24 | ♪ LIKE I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE ♪ |
| 25 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 26 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME, TOO. ♪ |
| 27 | HOW DESPERATE AM I? |
| 28 | OH, GOOD THING CHANDLER'S NOT HERE. |
| 29 | HE ALWAYS WINS AT THIS GAME. |
| 30 | I JUST TOLD MY MOM I'D CATER A PARTY FOR HER. |
| 31 | HOW COME? |
| 32 | BECAUSE I NEED THE MONEY |
| 33 | AND I THOUGHT IT'D BE A GREAT WAY |
| 34 | TO GET RID OF THAT LAST LITTLE SMIDGEN |
| 35 | OF SELF-RESPECT. |
| 36 | I THINK THIS IS A GOOD THING. |
| 37 | I DON'T THINK MOM WOULD HAVE HAVE HIRED YOU |
| 38 | IF SHE DIDN'T THINK YOU WERE GOOD AT WHAT YOU DO. |
| 39 | YOU DON'T HAVE TO STICK UP FOR HER-- |
| 40 | SHE CAN'T HEAR YOU. |
| 41 | HEY... |
| 42 | YOU GUYS HAVE ANY JUICE? |
| 43 | JUST PICKLE. |
| 44 | HEY, RACH, FUNNY STORY. |
| 45 | I BUMPED INTO JOANNA ON THE STREET YESTERDAY. |
| 46 | MY BOSS, JOANNA? |
| 47 | WOW, THAT MUST HAVE BEEN AWKWARD. |
| 48 | WELL, NO. SHE ASKED ME IF I WANTED TO GET A DRINK. |
| 49 | ( nervous laugh ) |
| 50 | YOU, UH, DIDN'T SAY YES TO THAT, DID YOU? |
| 51 | NO. |
| 52 | NO. |
| 53 | HELLO, RACHEL. |
| 54 | WELL, NOT AT FIRST. |
| 55 | WHAT IS SHE DOING HERE? |
| 56 | ( makes bed creaking noises ) |
| 57 | I DON'T UNDERSTAND. LAST TIME YOU WENT OUT WITH HER |
| 58 | YOU SAID SHE WAS A BIG, DULL DUD. |
| 59 | I JUDGED HER TOO QUICKLY. |
| 60 | THIS TIME WE WERE ABLE TO TAKE THE RELATIONSHIP |
| 61 | TO THE NEXT LEVEL. |
| 62 | ( makes bed creaking noises ) |
| 63 | WELL, LAST TIME, I ALMOST GOT FIRED. |
| 64 | YOU MUST END IT. |
| 65 | YOU MUST END IT NOW. |
| 66 | IT'S NOT LIKE THIS IS AN EVERYDAY OCCURRENCE FOR ME. |
| 67 | USUALLY, I'M PRETTY MUCH IN THERE BY MYSELF. |
| 68 | ( makes bed creaking noises ) |
| 69 | CHANDLER! |
| 70 | PROMISE ME YOU WILL END IT. |
| 71 | OKAY. I PROMISE. |
| 72 | I'LL END IT. |
| 73 | THANK YOU. |
| 74 | I HOPE YOU KNOW WHAT I'M GIVING UP FOR YOU |
| 75 | BECAUSE SHE'S NOT JUST THE BOSS IN YOUR OFFICE... |
| 76 | IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. |
| 77 | ( chuckling ): YEAH. |
| 78 | OH, SORRY. I KNEW WHAT HE MEANT. |
| 79 | HOW'S THE HIRED HELP? |
| 80 | DOING GREAT. |
| 81 | QUICHES ARE COMING ALONG. |
| 82 | WHAT'S THIS? BLUE NAIL POLISH? |
| 83 | YEAH. I THOUGHT IT WAS CUTE. |
| 84 | HA! THAT'S WHAT YOUR GRANDMOTHER'S HANDS LOOKED LIKE |
| 85 | WHEN WE FOUND HER. |
| 86 | LET ME ASK YOU A QUESTION. |
| 87 | WHY DID YOU HIRE ME? |
| 88 | OH, WELL, RICHARD RAVED |
| 89 | ABOUT THE FOOD AT HIS PARTY. |
| 90 | OF COURSE, YOU WERE SLEEPING WITH HIM. |
| 91 | THEN I HEARD THE FOOD AT THAT LESBIAN WEDDING WAS VERY NICE. |
| 92 | I ASSUME YOU WEREN'T SLEEPING WITH ANYONE THERE-- |
| 93 | THOUGH, AT LEAST THAT WOULD BE SOMETHING. |
| 94 | OH, MY GOD! |
| 95 | DID YOU HEAR THAT? |
| 96 | SHE HIRED ME BECAUSE SHE THINKS I'M GOOD. |
| 97 | OKAY. I DIDN'T HEAR THAT. |
| 98 | OH, YEAH. SHE DIDN'T HIRE ME OUT OF PITY. |
| 99 | IT WASN'T SO SHE COULD PICK ON ME |
| 100 | IN FRONT OF HER FRIENDS. |
| 101 | SHE ACTUALLY THINKS I'M GOOD. |
| 102 | WOW! |
| 103 | AND, HEY, IT'S COOL IF YOU'RE A LESBIAN. |
| 104 | ( knock at door ) |
| 105 | GOOD AFTERNOON. |
| 106 | ARE YOU THE DECISION-MAKER |
| 107 | OF THE HOUSE? |
| 108 | UH... |
| 109 | DO YOU CURRENTLY OWN A SET OF ENCYCLOPEDIAS? |
| 110 | NO, NO, BUT TRY THE CLASSIFIEDS. |
| 111 | PEOPLE SELL EVERYTHING IN THERE. |
| 112 | ACTUALLY, I'M NOT BUYING. |
| 113 | I'M SELLING. |
| 114 | LET ME ASK YOU ONE QUESTION. |
| 115 | DO YOUR FRIENDS EVER HAVE A CONVERSATION |
| 116 | AND YOU JUST NOD ALONG |
| 117 | EVEN THOUGH YOU'RE NOT REALLY SURE |
| 118 | WHAT THEY'RE TALKING ABOUT? |
| 119 | I'M TELLING YOU, IT'S TOTALLY UNCONSTITUTIONAL. |
| 120 | I TOTALLY AGREE. |
| 121 | YEAH. |
| 122 | I THINK HE DESERVES A NOBEL PRIZE. |
| 123 | NO! NO! NO! |
| 124 | HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT? |
| 125 | I MEAN, IT WAS LIKE THE ALGONQUIN KID'S TABLE. |
| 126 | ( all laughing ) |
| 127 | ( nervous chuckle ) |
| 128 | EXCUSE ME. I'M SORRY. |
| 129 | YOU HAVEN'T SAID ANYTHING |
| 130 | FOR ABOUT 2 1/2 MINUTES. |
| 131 | ARE YOU AT ALL INTERESTED? |
| 132 | YEAH, YEAH. YEAH, OH, YEAH. |
| 133 | COME ON IN. OKAY. |
| 134 | THAT'S WEIRD. |
| 135 | WHAT? YOUR NAILS. |
| 136 | I NEVER WEAR FAKE ONES. |
| 137 | I JUST DID IT SO MY MOM WOULDN'T GIVE ME GRIEF |
| 138 | ABOUT BITING THEM. |
| 139 | OH. NO, I MEANT IT'S WEIRD |
| 140 | THAT YOU ONLY HAVE NINE NOW. |
| 141 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 142 | WAIT A MINUTE. |
| 143 | I HAD THEM WHEN I PUT... |
| 144 | OH, MY GOD, IT'S IN THE QUICHE! |
| 145 | OH, MY GOD! |
| 146 | OKAY, DON'T PANIC. |
| 147 | I'M GOING TO GET YOU ANOTHER SET OF NAILS. |
| 148 | NO ONE'S GOING TO KNOW, AND YOU'RE GOING TO LOOK GREAT. |
| 149 | OH. OH, IT'S 'CAUSE THEY'RE GOING TO EAT. |
| 150 | THAT'S THE PROBLEM. |
| 151 | HONEY, DON'T BITE YOUR NAILS. |
| 152 | OKAY, UH, PLEASE DON'T FREAK OUT, UM, BUT, UH... |
| 153 | THERE'S A BLUE FINGERNAIL IN-IN ONE OF THE QUICHE CUPS |
| 154 | AND THERE'S NO WAY TO KNOW WHICH ONE. |
| 155 | AND WHOEVER FINDS IT WINS THE PRIZE. |
| 156 | I'M NOT FREAKING OUT. |
| 157 | WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING? |
| 158 | IT'S JUST THAT NOW YOUR FATHER OWES ME $5. |
| 159 | WHAT? YOU BET I'D LOSE A NAIL? |
| 160 | OH, NO. DON'T BE SILLY. |
| 161 | I JUST BET THAT I'D NEED THESE. |
| 162 | FROZEN LASAGNAS? |
| 163 | YOU BET THAT I'D SCREW UP? |
| 164 | SO ALL THAT STUFF ABOUT HIRING ME |
| 165 | BECAUSE I WAS GOOD WAS... |
| 166 | NO. THAT WAS ALL TRUE. |
| 167 | THIS WAS JUST IN CASE YOU PULLED A MONICA. |
| 168 | YOU PROMISED DR. WEINBERG YOU'D NEVER USE THAT PHRASE. |
| 169 | OH, HONEY, COME ON. HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR. |
| 170 | YOU'RE NEVER ABLE TO LAUGH AT YOURSELF. |
| 171 | THAT'S RIGHT. |
| 172 | ( chuckles ) |
| 173 | MY MOM DOESN'T HAVE ANY FAITH IN ME. |
| 174 | THAT'S HILARIOUS! |
| 175 | ( forced laugh ) |
| 176 | I DON'T GET IT. |
| 177 | NO, I HAVE FAITH. |
| 178 | NO, YOU HAVE LASAGNAS. |
| 179 | ( bell rings ) |
| 180 | OH, THE RUINED QUICHES ARE READY. |
| 181 | IT JUST DOESN'T FEEL LIKE WE'RE BREAKING UP. |
| 182 | NO, WE ARE. |
| 183 | I'M SAD. |
| 184 | OKAY. |
| 185 | ( phone rings ) |
| 186 | YES? |
| 187 | CAN YOU WAIT TILL TOMORROW? |
| 188 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 189 | UNBELIEVABLE! |
| 190 | THANKS. |
| 191 | NO. THAT WAS MY BOSS. |
| 192 | I HAVE TO GO. |
| 193 | OKAY. |
| 194 | WHAT ARE YOU DOING? |
| 195 | I'M GETTING DRESSED. |
| 196 | WHY? |
| 197 | WHEN I WALK OUTSIDE NAKED |
| 198 | PEOPLE THROW GARBAGE AT ME. |
| 199 | WAIT. |
| 200 | I WANT TO SHOW YOU SOMETHING. |
| 201 | WHAT IS IT? |
| 202 | JUST A LITTLE GAG GIFT SOMEBODY GAVE ME. |
| 203 | PUT YOUR HANDS TOGETHER. |
| 204 | ( chuckles ) |
| 205 | YOU'RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME. |
| 206 | YEAH, YOU ARE. |
| 207 | HMM... |
| 208 | SAUCY. |
| 209 | I'LL BE BACK IN TWO MINUTES. |
| 210 | YOU'RE, UH... YOU'RE GOING TO LEAVE ME LIKE THIS? |
| 211 | KNOWING YOU'RE HERE, WAITING FOR ME |
| 212 | I THINK THAT'S KIND OF EXCITING, DON'T YOU? |
| 213 | OKAY, BUT IF YOU DON'T COME BACK SOON... |
| 214 | THERE'S PRETTY MUCH NOTHING I CAN DO ABOUT IT. |
| 215 | OH, HI. |
| 216 | HI. I BROUGHT YOU BACK A MACAROON. |
| 217 | GREAT. I'LL KEEP IT IN MY BUTT WITH YOUR NOSE. |
| 218 | THAT'S WEIRD. SHE LOCKED THE DOOR. |
| 219 | YOU KNOW WHY? |
| 220 | SHE'S GOT THE CHRISTMAS BONUS LIST IN THERE. |
| 221 | I SAW HER WORKING ON IT THIS MORNING. |
| 222 | OKAY. SWEAR YOU WON'T TELL, BUT WHEN MARK LEFT |
| 223 | HE GAVE ME A KEY TO JOANNA'S OFFICE. |
| 224 | YOU WANT TO SEE THE LIST? |
| 225 | YEAH! |
| 226 | ( both gasp ) |
| 227 | HI. |
| 228 | HOW ARE YOU? |
| 229 | ( phone ringing ) |
| 230 | ( ringing continues ) |
| 231 | HELLO. JOANNA... |
| 232 | ...'S OFFICE. |
| 233 | Joanna: It's me. I'm really, really sorry |
| 234 | but I may be a little while longer. |
| 235 | HOW LITTLE? |
| 236 | A couple of hours. I feel awful. |
| 237 | THIS ISN'T FUNNY. |
| 238 | GET BACK HERE RIGHT NOW. |
| 239 | I can't. WHY NOT? |
| 240 | I'm in my boss's car. |
| 241 | WHAT?! Uh-oh. Tunnel. |
| 242 | ( intercom buzzes ) |
| 243 | ( buzzing ) |
| 244 | WHAT? |
| 245 | Chandler: Rachel, could I see you for a moment? |
| 246 | OKAY, HERE'S THE SITUATION-- |
| 247 | THE KEYS TO THE CUFFS ARE ON THE BACK OF THE DOOR. |
| 248 | COULD YOU BE A DOLL AND GRAB THEM |
| 249 | AND SCOOT ON OVER HERE AND UNLOCK ME? |
| 250 | AND, ON A TOTALLY SEPARATE SUBJECT |
| 251 | THAT IS A LOVELY PANTSUIT. |
| 252 | YOU PROMISED YOU WOULD BREAK UP WITH HER. |
| 253 | I DID BREAK UP WITH HER. |
| 254 | SHE JUST TOOK IT REALLY, REALLY WELL. |
| 255 | AND THE FACT THAT YOU WERE JEOPARDIZING MY CAREER |
| 256 | NEVER ENTERED YOUR MIND? |
| 257 | IT DID ENTER MY MIND |
| 258 | BUT THEN SOMETHING HAPPENED THAT MADE IT |
| 259 | SHOOT RIGHT OUT. |
| 260 | YOU KNOW WHAT, CHANDLER? |
| 261 | YOU GOT YOURSELF INTO THOSE CUFFS |
| 262 | YOU GET YOURSELF OUT OF THEM. |
| 263 | NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. |
| 264 | I CAN'T GET MYSELF RIGHT OUT OF THEM. |
| 265 | YOU MUST HAVE ME CONFUSED |
| 266 | WITH THE AMAZING CHANDLER. |
| 267 | COME ON! YOU HAVE TO UNLOCK ME. |
| 268 | SHE COULD BE GONE FOR HOURS AND I'M COLD AND... |
| 269 | OH, CHANDLER! |
| 270 | ALL RIGHT. THIS IS IT. |
| 271 | YOU NEVER SEE JOANNA AGAIN. |
| 272 | NEVER. |
| 273 | YOU NEVER COME INTO THIS OFFICE AGAIN. |
| 274 | FINE. |
| 275 | YOU GIVE ME BACK MY WALKMAN. |
| 276 | I... |
| 277 | I NEVER BORROWED YOUR WALKMAN. |
| 278 | WELL, THEN I LOST IT. YOU BUY ME ONE. |
| 279 | YOU GOT IT. HERE WE GO. |
| 280 | COME ON. THIS IS GREAT. |
| 281 | AH...! |
| 282 | DOES IT HURT? |
| 283 | NO. I JUST ALWAYS SEE GUYS DOING THIS |
| 284 | WHEN THEY GET HANDCUFFS TAKEN OFF THEM. |
| 285 | HELLO, SWEET PANTS. |
| 286 | WAIT A MINUTE. |
| 287 | WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO TELL JOANNA? ABOUT WHAT? |
| 288 | WHEN SHE SEES YOU'RE GONE, SHE'LL KNOW I LET YOU OUT |
| 289 | AND I WAS IN HERE AND I'LL GET FIRED. |
| 290 | I'LL MAKE SOMETHING UP. I'M GOOD AT LYING. |
| 291 | I ACTUALLY DID BORROW YOUR WALKMAN. |
| 292 | THERE'S NOTHING TO MAKE UP. |
| 293 | SHE'S GOING TO KNOW I HAVE A KEY TO HER OFFICE. |
| 294 | I'VE GOT TO GET YOU LOCKED BACK THE WAY YOU WERE. |
| 295 | OH, I DON'T THINK SO. |
| 296 | NAH, NAH, NAH, NAH, NO... |
| 297 | NO, NO, NO! |
| 298 | NO! |
| 299 | NO! |
| 300 | ( shrieks ) |
| 301 | WELL, THIS IS MUCH BETTER. |
| 302 | SO, HERE'S SOMEBODY INTERESTING, JOEY. |
| 303 | WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT VAN GOGH? |
| 304 | UH... HE CUT OFF HIS EAR. |
| 305 | AND? |
| 306 | I'M OUT. |
| 307 | HE PAINTED THAT. |
| 308 | WOW, THAT'S PRETTY NICE. |
| 309 | I THOUGHT HE CUT OFF HIS EAR 'CAUSE HE SUCKED. |
| 310 | WHAT ELSE YOU GOT IN THERE? |
| 311 | LET'S SEE. UH... |
| 312 | WHERE DOES THE POPE LIVE? |
| 313 | IN THE WOODS. |
| 314 | NO, WAIT. WAIT. THAT'S THE JOKE ANSWER. |
| 315 | ACTUALLY, IT'S VATICAN CITY. |
| 316 | NOW, UH... |
| 317 | WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT VULCANIZED RUBBER? |
| 318 | SPOCK'S BIRTH CONTROL. |
| 319 | YOU NEED THESE BOOKS. |
| 320 | ( knock at door ) |
| 321 | HEY. |
| 322 | HI. |
| 323 | THIS USED TO BE YOUR ROOM? |
| 324 | WOW, YOU MUST HAVE BEEN |
| 325 | IN REALLY GOOD SHAPE AS A KID. |
| 326 | OH, I'M SUCH AN IDIOT. |
| 327 | I CAN'T BELIEVE I ACTUALLY THOUGHT SHE COULD CHANGE. |
| 328 | LOOK, WHO CARES WHAT YOUR MOM THINKS? |
| 329 | SO YOU PULLED A MONICA. |
| 330 | OH, GOOD. I'M GLAD THAT'S CATCHING ON. |
| 331 | WHY DOES THAT HAVE TO BE A BAD THING? |
| 332 | JUST CHANGE WHAT IT MEANS. |
| 333 | GO DOWN THERE AND PROVE YOUR MOTHER WRONG. |
| 334 | YOU FINISH THE JOB YOU WERE HIRED TO DO. |
| 335 | WE'LL CALL THAT "PULLING A MONICA." |
| 336 | WHAT? |
| 337 | OKAY, UM... IF A KID GETS STRAIGHT A's |
| 338 | HIS PARENTS WOULD SAY, "YEAH! YOU PULLED A MONICA." |
| 339 | OR A FIREMAN SAVES A BABY, AND THEY GO, "YEAH, I KNOW. |
| 340 | HE PULLED A MONICA." |
| 341 | OR SOMEONE HITS A HOME RUN |
| 342 | AND THE ANNOUNCER SAYS, "YEAH, THAT ONE'S OUT OF HERE." |
| 343 | 'CAUSE SOME THINGS DON'T CHANGE. |
| 344 | ALL RIGHT. I'LL GO DOWN THERE |
| 345 | BUT I'M NOT GOING TO SERVE THE LASAGNA. |
| 346 | I'M GOING TO SERVE SOMETHING THAT I MAKE. |
| 347 | WAIT. |
| 348 | OOH. |
| 349 | OH, WOW! |
| 350 | OH, MY BREASTS ARE REALLY STRONG. |
| 351 | ( grunting ) |
| 352 | OH, CHANDLER... CHANDLER, PLEASE. |
| 353 | I HAVE TO GET YOU LOCKED UP BACK THE WAY YOU WERE. |
| 354 | I AM SO GOING TO LOSE MY JOB. |
| 355 | SHE'S VERY PRIVATE ABOUT HER OFFICE. |
| 356 | NOW I KNOW WHY. |
| 357 | LOOK, YOU WERE IN TROUBLE EITHER WAY. |
| 358 | IF SHE SEES ME LOCKED TO THIS INSTEAD OF THE CHAIR |
| 359 | SHE'LL KNOW YOU WERE IN HERE. |
| 360 | SO YOU MIGHT AS WELL |
| 361 | JUST LET ME GO. |
| 362 | WHAT IF I CLEAN YOUR BATHROOM FOR A MONTH? |
| 363 | IT STILL WOULDN'T BE CLEAN. |
| 364 | ALL I WANT IS MY FREEDOM. |
| 365 | FOOT RUBS FOR A MONTH. FREEDOM! |
| 366 | I'LL TAKE ALL OF YOUR PHOTOS AND I'LL PUT THEM INTO ALBUMS. |
| 367 | FREEDOM! I WANT MY FREEDOM! |
| 368 | WHY WON'T YOU HEAR ME? |
| 369 | SOPHIE, HELP ME! HELP ME! |
| 370 | SOPHIE, SIT! |
| 371 | FREEDOM! |
| 372 | ( muffled yelling ) |
| 373 | WILL YOU JUST CALM DOWN? |
| 374 | ( muffled yelling ) |
| 375 | I'M GOING TO SAY THIS FOR THE LAST TIME. |
| 376 | WOULD YOU PLEASE JUST...? |
| 377 | WELL, THERE'S A LOT I DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT VOMIT. |
| 378 | ( quacking ) |
| 379 | IN A MINUTE. |
| 380 | SO, WHAT DO YOU SAY, JOEY? |
| 381 | YOU GET THE WHOLE SET OF ENCYCLOPEDIAS FOR $1,200. |
| 382 | THAT WORKS OUT TO JUST 50 BUCKS A BOOK. |
| 383 | $1,200? |
| 384 | YOU THINK I HAVE $1,200? |
| 385 | I'M HOME IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DAY |
| 386 | AND I GOT PATIO FURNITURE IN MY LIVING ROOM. |
| 387 | I GUESS THERE'S A FEW THINGS |
| 388 | YOU DON'T GET FROM BOOK LEARNING. |
| 389 | WELL, UH... WHAT CAN YOU SWING? |
| 390 | HOW ABOUT ZERO DOWN |
| 391 | AND ZERO A MONTH FOR A LONG, LONG TIME? |
| 392 | YOU DON'T HAVE... ANYTHING? |
| 393 | YOU WANT TO SEE WHAT I GOT? |
| 394 | OKAY. I GOT... |
| 395 | A BABY TOOTSIE ROLL |
| 396 | A MOVIE STUB, KEYS, A KLEENEX... |
| 397 | A ROCK... |
| 398 | AND AN ARMY MAN. MAN! |
| 399 | OKAY, I... I GET THE PICTURE. |
| 400 | UH... THANKS FOR YOUR TIME. |
| 401 | AND A 50. |
| 402 | HUH. |
| 403 | THESE MUST BE CHANDLER'S PANTS. |
| 404 | FOR 50 BUCKS, YOU CAN GET ONE BOOK. |
| 405 | WHAT WILL IT BE-- "A," "B," "C"? |
| 406 | I THINK I'M GOING TO STICK WITH THE "V." |
| 407 | I WANT TO SEE HOW THIS BAD BOY TURNS OUT. |
| 408 | Rachel: I, UH... |
| 409 | WILL BUY AND WRAP ALL OF YOUR CHRISTMAS GIFTS. |
| 410 | NO! |
| 411 | I, UH... I'LL SQUEEZE YOU FRESH ORANGE JUICE EVERY MORNING. |
| 412 | WITH EXTRA PULP? YEAH! |
| 413 | NO! |
| 414 | ( grunts ) |
| 415 | I'VE GOT IT. |
| 416 | YOU DON'T HAVE IT. |
| 417 | I HAVE SO GOT IT. |
| 418 | THERE'S GOING TO BE RUMORS ABOUT THIS. |
| 419 | THERE'S NO WAY TO STOP IT. |
| 420 | SOPHIE KNOWS. MONICA AND PHOEBE KNOW. |
| 421 | HOW COME MONICA AND PHOEBE KNOW? |
| 422 | OH, I CALLED THEM. |
| 423 | AND WHEN THEY ASK ME WHAT I SAW |
| 424 | I CAN BE VERY GENEROUS... |
| 425 | OR VERY STINGY. |
| 426 | GO ON. |
| 427 | I CAN MAKE YOU A LEGEND. |
| 428 | I CAN MAKE YOU THIS GENERATION'S MILTON BERLE. |
| 429 | AND MILTON BERLE HAS...? |
| 430 | AW, NOT COMPARED TO YOU. |
| 431 | WELL, THEY'RE NOT EVEN TOUCHING THE LASAGNA. |
| 432 | REALLY? THEY LOVE YOUR CASSEROLE. |
| 433 | YES! |
| 434 | IT'S HARD TO BELIEVE JUST A LITTLE WHILE AGO |
| 435 | THIS WAS NOTHING BUT INGREDIENTS. |
| 436 | EVERYONE SEEMS TO LIKE YOUR DISH. |
| 437 | AND YOU? |
| 438 | I THOUGHT IT WAS... |
| 439 | QUITE TASTY. |
| 440 | SO IF EVERYONE LIKED IT |
| 441 | AND YOU LIKED IT |
| 442 | THAT WOULD MAKE THIS A SUCCESS. |
| 443 | WHICH WOULD MAKE YOU... |
| 444 | A BITCH? |
| 445 | WELL, I WAS GOING FOR "WRONG" |
| 446 | BUT WE CAN USE YOUR WORD. |
| 447 | YES, WELL, I WAS WRONG |
| 448 | AND I HAVE TO SAY... |
| 449 | YOU REALLY IMPRESSED ME TODAY. |
| 450 | WOW. |
| 451 | YOU MIGHT EVEN SAY THAT SHE PULLED A MONICA. |
| 452 | SHE DOESN'T KNOW WE SWITCHED IT. |
| 453 | AND THE NEXT TIME YOU CATER FOR ME |
| 454 | THERE'LL BE NOTHING BUT ICE IN THE FREEZER. |
| 455 | THAT REALLY MEANS A LOT. |
| 456 | OY, MOM, DON'T BITE YOUR NAILS. |
| 457 | HELLO. |
| 458 | HEY. HEY. HEY. |
| 459 | HELLO, CHANDLER. |
| 460 | I LOVE YOU. |
| 461 | HEY, WHAT'S GOING ON? |
| 462 | OH... |
| 463 | ( whispering ) |
| 464 | NO, HE DOESN'T. |
| 465 | ( laughing ) |
| 466 | TWO HOURS, THAT LASTED. |
| 467 | SO DID YOU BREAK UP WITH JOANNA? |
| 468 | I THINK SO. |
| 469 | IT'S A GOOD THING YOU GOT OUT WHEN YOU DID |
| 470 | BEFORE SHE BLEW UP LIKE THAT VESUVIUS. |
| 471 | THE VOLCANO? |
| 472 | YEAH. AND SPEAKING OF VOLCANOES |
| 473 | MAN, ARE THEY A VIOLENT, IGNEOUS ROCK FORMATION. |
| 474 | WHAT? |
| 475 | OH, YEAH-- LAVA SPEWING, HOT ASH... |
| 476 | OF COURSE, SOME ARE DORMANT. |
| 477 | WHY ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT VOLCANOES |
| 478 | ALL OF A SUDDEN? |
| 479 | WE CAN TALK ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE. |
| 480 | WHAT DO YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT? VIVISECTION? |
| 481 | THE VAS... |
| 482 | DEFERENS? |
| 483 | THE VIETNAM WAR? |
| 484 | OH, DID ANYBODY SEE THAT DOCUMENTARY |
| 485 | ON THE KOREAN WAR? |
| 486 | All: OH, YEAH. |
| 487 | KOREA IS SUCH A BEAUTIFUL COUNTRY. |
| 488 | WITH SUCH A SAD HISTORY. |
| 489 | YEAH. |
| 490 | COULD THERE BE MORE KIMS? |
| 491 | Joanna: WHO'S OUT THERE? |
| 492 | IT'S ME. GOOD MORNING. |
| 493 | RACHEL, COULD YOU COME IN HERE A MOMENT PLEASE? |
| 494 | SURE. THEY DIDN'T HAVE POPPY-SEED BAGELS |
| 495 | SO I... OH, MY WORD! |
| 496 | HI. I SEEM TO HAVE HAD A SLIGHT OFFICE MISHAP. |
| 497 | COULD YOU PLEASE GET THE KEY |
| 498 | OFF THE BACK OF THE DOOR FOR ME? |
| 499 | YEAH. OF COURSE. UM... |
| 500 | I'M SO SORRY. |
| 501 | YOU CAN TELL YOUR FRIEND CHANDLER |
| 502 | THAT WE'RE DEFINITELY BROKEN UP THIS TIME. |
| 503 | |
| 1 | NEW WALLET, HUH? |
| 2 | YEAH, IT WAS TIME. |
| 3 | THE OLD CONDOM RING IN THE LEATHER |
| 4 | JUST DOESN'T SAY "COOL" |
| 5 | ANYMORE, YOU KNOW? |
| 6 | RACHEL, YOU JUST PUT AN EMPTY CARTON |
| 7 | BACK IN THE FRIDGE. |
| 8 | YEAH, I KNOW, BUT THE GARBAGE |
| 9 | WAS FULL. |
| 10 | HAVE YOU EVER TAKEN OUT THE TRASH? |
| 11 | WELL, I, UH... THOUGHT |
| 12 | YOU LIKED DOING IT. |
| 13 | THIRD DOOR ON THE LEFT. |
| 14 | RIGHT. |
| 15 | OH, HEY, MR. TREEGER. |
| 16 | HEY. |
| 17 | WHAT ARE YOU DOING? |
| 18 | UM... |
| 19 | OH! OH! |
| 20 | SORRY. |
| 21 | IT'S A LITTLE OLD, BUT... |
| 22 | YOU'RE CLOGGING UP THE CHUTE |
| 23 | I JUST SPENT A HALF HOUR UNCLOGGING. |
| 24 | OH, I'M SORRY. I DIDN'T... |
| 25 | I DON'T COME IN HERE A LOT. |
| 26 | OF COURSE YOU DON'T. |
| 27 | 'CAUSE YOU'RE A LITTLE PRINCESS. |
| 28 | "DADDY, BUY ME A PIZZA." |
| 29 | "DADDY, BUY ME A CANDY FACTORY." |
| 30 | "DADDY, MAKE THE CAST OF CATS |
| 31 | SING 'HAPPY BIRTHDAY' TO ME." |
| 32 | BUT I... |
| 33 | YOU THINK YOU CAN JUST MAKE A MESS |
| 34 | THE BIG MAN IN THE COVERALLS |
| 35 | WILL COME AND CLEAN IT UP, HUH? |
| 36 | WHY DON'T YOU THINK |
| 37 | OF SOMEONE ELSE FOR A CHANGE? |
| 38 | OKAY. I'M SORRY. |
| 39 | ( sobbing ) |
| 40 | GOD! IF YOU'RE GOING TO CRY ABOUT IT... |
| 41 | ( crying ) |
| 42 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 43 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 44 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 45 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 46 | ♪ WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY ♪ |
| 47 | ♪ YOUR WEEK, YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 48 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 49 | ♪ WHEN THE RAIN STARTS TO POUR ♪ |
| 50 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 51 | ♪ LIKE I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE ♪ |
| 52 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 53 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME, TOO. ♪ |
| 54 | WHOA! TREEGER MADE YOU CRY? |
| 55 | YES. |
| 56 | HE SAID REALLY MEAN THINGS |
| 57 | THAT WERE ONLY PARTLY TRUE. |
| 58 | I'M GOING DOWN THERE AND TEACH THAT GUY A LESSON. |
| 59 | PLEASE, IT'S BEST IF WE FORGET ABOUT IT. |
| 60 | THAT'S EASY FOR YOU TO SAY. |
| 61 | YOU WEREN'T ALMOST JUST KILLED. |
| 62 | ALL RIGHT, THAT'S IT. |
| 63 | SCHOOL IS IN SESSION! |
| 64 | YOU GUYS, IS THIS A GYM CARD? |
| 65 | OH, YEAH. GYM MEMBER. |
| 66 | I TRY TO GO FOUR TIMES A WEEK |
| 67 | BUT I'VE MISSED THE LAST 1,200 TIMES. |
| 68 | SO WHY DON'T YOU QUIT? |
| 69 | YOU DON'T THINK I'VE TRIED? |
| 70 | YOU THINK I LIKE |
| 71 | HAVING $50 TAKEN OUT OF MY BANK ACCOUNT EVERY MONTH? |
| 72 | THEY MAKE YOU GO ALL THE WAY DOWN THERE. |
| 73 | THEN THEY USE ALL THESE PHRASES AND PEPPINESS |
| 74 | TO TRY TO CONFUSE YOU. |
| 75 | AND THEN THEY BRING OUT MARIA. |
| 76 | WHO IS MARIA? |
| 77 | AH, MARIA... |
| 78 | YOU CAN'T SAY NO TO HER. |
| 79 | SHE'S LIKE THIS LYCRA, SPANDEX-COVERED GYM TREAT. |
| 80 | YOU NEED ME TO GO DOWN THERE WITH YOU |
| 81 | AND HOLD YOUR HAND? |
| 82 | NO. |
| 83 | YOU'RE STRONG ENOUGH TO FACE HER ALONE? |
| 84 | OH, NO. |
| 85 | YOU'LL HAVE TO COME. |
| 86 | OH, TRIBBIANI. HMM. |
| 87 | HOLD ON. I'LL GET THE PLUNGER. |
| 88 | HEY, YOU HOLD ON, PAL. |
| 89 | NOW, YOU MADE MY FRIEND RACHEL CRY |
| 90 | SO NOW YOU'RE GOING TO GO UP THERE |
| 91 | AND YOU'RE GOING TO APOLOGIZE TO HER |
| 92 | UNLESS YOU WANT ME TO CALL THE LANDLORD. |
| 93 | AND TELL HIM WHAT? |
| 94 | MAYBE YOU HAVEN'T HEARD OF "NOT MAKING GIRLS CRY." |
| 95 | MAYBE YOU HAVEN'T HEARD OF A LITTLE SOMETHING |
| 96 | CALLED "THE RENT STABILIZATION ACT OF 1968." |
| 97 | I HAVE ACTUALLY NOT HEARD OF THAT. |
| 98 | YEAH? WELL, YOUR FRIENDS ARE IN VIOLATION OF IT. |
| 99 | I BEEN A NICE GUY UP UNTIL NOW |
| 100 | BUT I DON'T NEED THIS GRIEF. |
| 101 | I'M GOING TO CALL THE LANDLORD |
| 102 | AND TELL HIM THAT MONICA IS ILLEGALLY SUBLETTING |
| 103 | HER GRANDMOTHER'S APARTMENT. |
| 104 | YOUR FRIENDS ARE OUT OF HERE, PAL. |
| 105 | WHY DON'T YOU TELL ME SOMETHING I DON'T KNOW? |
| 106 | PLEASE, SOMEBODY TELL ME I DON'T HAVE TO WORK TODAY. |
| 107 | WHAT'S THE MATTER? |
| 108 | MY FIRST MASSAGE |
| 109 | IS THIS INCREDIBLY GORGEOUS GUY |
| 110 | AND EVERY TIME I SEE HIM |
| 111 | I JUST WANT TO DO THINGS TO HIM |
| 112 | THAT I'M NOT ALLOWED TO CHARGE FOR. |
| 113 | SO DO THEM FOR FREE. |
| 114 | OH, NO. IT IS FORBIDDEN. |
| 115 | NO, NO. MRS. CARTER FIRES PEOPLE FOR MESSING AROUND WITH CLIENTS. |
| 116 | AND IT'S AGAINST MY OATH AS A MASSEUSE. |
| 117 | THEY MAKE YOU TAKE AN OATH? |
| 118 | NO. I MADE MYSELF TAKE ONE. |
| 119 | YEAH, NO FOOLING AROUND WITH CLIENTS |
| 120 | AND, UM... ALWAYS BE PREPARED. |
| 121 | THAT ONE'S ACTUALLY FROM THE BOY SCOUTS |
| 122 | BUT IT JUST MAKES GOOD SENSE. |
| 123 | WHY DON'T YOU JUST GIVE HIM |
| 124 | TO SOMEBODY ELSE? |
| 125 | NO, I CAN HANDLE IT. |
| 126 | NO, I'M A PROFESSIONAL. |
| 127 | OH, PHEEBS, IS THAT A NEW ANKLE BRACELET? |
| 128 | AND YOU GOT A PEDICURE. |
| 129 | YOUR FEET ARE ALL DRESSED UP. |
| 130 | BECAUSE THAT'S THE ONLY PART OF YOU HE CAN SEE |
| 131 | WHEN HE'S ON THE TABLE. |
| 132 | YOU'RE GOING TO DO SOME FEET FLIRTING. |
| 133 | I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT. |
| 134 | THEN HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN THE TOE RING? |
| 135 | BECAUSE IT'S ARABIAN PRINCESS DAY AT WORK, OKAY? |
| 136 | LEAVE ME ALONE. |
| 137 | OH! |
| 138 | MY HERO! WHAT HAPPENED? |
| 139 | WELL, UH... |
| 140 | I WENT DOWN AND TOLD HIM |
| 141 | NO ONE TREATS MY FRIENDS LIKE THAT |
| 142 | AND HE'D BETTER COME UP HERE AND APOLOGIZE. |
| 143 | WAIT A MINUTE. |
| 144 | WHAT DID HE SAY? |
| 145 | UH... HE SAID HE WASN'T GOING TO APOLOGIZE |
| 146 | BECAUSE YOU GUYS ARE LIVING HERE ILLEGALLY. |
| 147 | INSTEAD, WHAT HE'S GOING TO DO IS HAVE YOU EVICTED. |
| 148 | WHAT? EVICTED? |
| 149 | I TOLD YOU NOT TO GO DOWN THERE. |
| 150 | LOOK, HE MADE RACHEL CRY! |
| 151 | RACHEL ALWAYS CRIES! |
| 152 | OH, THAT'S NOT TRUE! |
| 153 | ( crying ) |
| 154 | JOEY, YOU GO DOWN THERE |
| 155 | AND YOU SUCK UP TO HIM. |
| 156 | I MEAN, YOU SUCK |
| 157 | LIKE YOU'VE NEVER SUCKED BEFORE! |
| 158 | ALL RIGHT, I'LL TRY. |
| 159 | BUT IF I CAN'T, YOU STAY WITH CHANDLER AND I |
| 160 | UNTIL YOU GET SETTLED. |
| 161 | GO! |
| 162 | I'LL CHECK |
| 163 | WITH HIM FIRST |
| 164 | BUT I THINK HE'LL BE COOL. |
| 165 | JOEY! |
| 166 | WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. |
| 167 | NOW REMEMBER WHAT WE TALKED ABOUT: |
| 168 | YOU GOT TO BE STRONG. |
| 169 | YES. YES. |
| 170 | NOW ONE MORE TIME: |
| 171 | "HEY, DON'T YOU WANT A WASHBOARD STOMACH |
| 172 | AND ROCK-HARD PECS?" |
| 173 | NO. I WANT A FLABBY GUT |
| 174 | AND SAGGY MAN-BREASTS. |
| 175 | GOOD. THAT'S GOOD. |
| 176 | I WANT TO QUIT THE GYM. |
| 177 | YOU WANT TO QUIT? |
| 178 | I WANT TO QUIT THE GYM. |
| 179 | YOU DO REALIZE YOU WON'T HAVE ACCESS |
| 180 | TO OUR NEW FULL-SERVICE SWEDISH SPA? |
| 181 | ( forceful grunt ) |
| 182 | I WANT TO QUIT THE GYM. |
| 183 | OKAY. DAVE, IN THE MEMBERSHIP OFFICE, HANDLES QUITTERS. |
| 184 | EXCUSE ME. |
| 185 | ARE YOU A MEMBER? |
| 186 | ME? |
| 187 | NO. |
| 188 | SORRY. MEMBERS ONLY. |
| 189 | I WANT TO QUIT THE GYM. |
| 190 | IT'S OKAY, MAN. BE STRONG. |
| 191 | ( forceful grunt ) |
| 192 | ( forceful grunt ) |
| 193 | SO, ARE YOU A MEMBER OF ANY GYM? |
| 194 | NO, AND I'M NOT GOING TO BE |
| 195 | SO YOU CAN SAVE YOUR LITTLE SPEECH. |
| 196 | OKAY. NO PROBLEM. |
| 197 | COULD YOU COME HERE FOR A SECOND? |
| 198 | HI. I'M MARIA. |
| 199 | I'M... |
| 200 | WOW, YOU HAVE REALLY PRETTY FEET. |
| 201 | THESE OLD THINGS? |
| 202 | WOULD YOU SPEND SOME TIME ON MY SCIATIC AREA? |
| 203 | IT'S BEEN KILLING ME TODAY. |
| 204 | YOU MEAN THE... |
| 205 | BY "SCIATIC," YOU MEAN THE... |
| 206 | TOWEL-COVERED PORTION. |
| 207 | YEAH. |
| 208 | SURE. YEAH. NO, I CAN DO THAT... |
| 209 | YEAH. BECAUSE, UH... |
| 210 | YOU KNOW, USUALLY THE MUSCLES IN THE SCIATIC AREA |
| 211 | CAN GET, YOU KNOW, REAL NICE AND TIGHT. |
| 212 | YEAH. SO, UM.... TELL ME, RICK |
| 213 | HOW, UM... HOW DID YOU INJURE THE AREA? |
| 214 | OH, A 16-HOUR SIT-IN FOR GREENPEACE. |
| 215 | OH. |
| 216 | OW! |
| 217 | DID YOU JUST BITE ME? |
| 218 | NO. |
| 219 | WHAT? |
| 220 | PLEASE DON'T KICK MONICA AND RACHEL OUT. |
| 221 | THIS WASN'T THEIR FAULT. IT WAS MINE. |
| 222 | SHOULD I KICK YOU GUYS OUT INSTEAD? |
| 223 | NO. YOU CAN'T DO THAT. |
| 224 | WHERE WOULD THE CHICK AND THE DUCK LIVE? |
| 225 | YOU HAVE PETS? |
| 226 | NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. |
| 227 | THOSE ARE, UH... NICKNAMES. |
| 228 | YEAH, I'M THE CHICK AND CHANDLER'S THE DUCK. |
| 229 | HUH. I WOULD HAVE THOUGHT |
| 230 | IT WAS THE OTHER WAY AROUND. |
| 231 | COME ON, MAN. |
| 232 | JUST... JUST LET THE GIRLS STAY. |
| 233 | I'LL DO WHATEVER YOU WANT. |
| 234 | REALLY? |
| 235 | YOU'D DO ANYTHING? |
| 236 | YEAH, YEAH. ABSOLUTELY. |
| 237 | I GOT SOMETHING YOU CAN DO. |
| 238 | WHAT? WHAT IS IT? |
| 239 | CAN YOU BE MY DANCING PARTNER? |
| 240 | THAT'S NOT PRISON LINGO, IS IT? |
| 241 | HIS DANCING PARTNER? YEAH. |
| 242 | THERE'S THIS SUPERINTENDENTS' DANCE-- |
| 243 | THE SUPER BALL... |
| 244 | AND HE WANTS TO IMPRESS MARGE |
| 245 | THIS LADY SUPER THAT HE'S GOT A CRUSH ON. |
| 246 | WHY DOESN'T HE JUST PRACTICE WITH A GIRL? |
| 247 | HE'S TOO SHY. |
| 248 | HE DOESN'T THINK HE'S GOOD ENOUGH |
| 249 | TO DANCE WITH GIRLS YET. |
| 250 | YEAH, RIGHT. |
| 251 | HE ALMOST DANCED ME RIGHT DOWN THAT... |
| 252 | GARBAGE CHUTE. |
| 253 | OH, WOULD YOU LET IT GO, ALREADY? |
| 254 | YOU'RE FINE. |
| 255 | HEY. |
| 256 | HEY. SO DID YOU QUIT? |
| 257 | NO. I ALMOST DID. |
| 258 | COULDN'T LEAVE ROSS THERE WITHOUT A SPOTTER. |
| 259 | WAIT, NOW, SO YOU JOINED THE GYM? |
| 260 | ( laughing ) |
| 261 | OH... |
| 262 | AND THAT'S FUNNY WHY? |
| 263 | OH, UM... |
| 264 | I WAS JUST, YOU KNOW, PICTURING YOU |
| 265 | WORKING OUT, AND, UM... |
| 266 | OH, THAT'S IT. |
| 267 | WE'RE DOOMED, OKAY? |
| 268 | THEY'RE GOING TO TAKE 50 BUCKS A MONTH |
| 269 | OUT OF OUR ACCOUNTS FOR THE REST OF OUR LIVES. |
| 270 | WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO? |
| 271 | YOU COULD ACTUALLY GO TO THE GYM. |
| 272 | ( laughing ) |
| 273 | OR... |
| 274 | OR WE COULD GO TO THE BANK |
| 275 | CLOSE OUR ACCOUNTS |
| 276 | AND CUT THEM OFF AT THE SOURCE. |
| 277 | YOU'RE A GENIUS. |
| 278 | OH, MAN, BUT THEN WE WON'T BE BANK BUDDIES. |
| 279 | NOW THERE'S TWO REASONS. |
| 280 | HEY. HEY. HEY. |
| 281 | HEY. HEY. |
| 282 | OH, YOU GUYS. |
| 283 | REMEMBER THAT CUTE CLIENT I TOLD YOU ABOUT? |
| 284 | I BIT HIM. |
| 285 | WHERE? |
| 286 | ON THE TUSHIE. |
| 287 | AND THAT'S NOT AGAINST YOUR OATH? |
| 288 | NO. I KNOW. |
| 289 | I'M SORRY, BUT THE MOMENT I TOUCH HIM |
| 290 | I JUST WANT TO THROW OUT MY OLD OATH |
| 291 | AND TAKE A NEW DIRTY ONE. |
| 292 | WELL, NEXT TIME YOU'RE MASSAGING HIM |
| 293 | YOU SHOULD TRY TO DISTRACT YOURSELF. |
| 294 | YEAH, YEAH. |
| 295 | LIKE, WHEN I'M DOING SOMETHING EXCITING |
| 296 | AND I DON'T WANT TO GET TOO... EXCITED |
| 297 | I JUST TRY AND THINK OF OTHER THINGS |
| 298 | LIKE, UH, SANDWICHES |
| 299 | AND, UH, BASEBALL |
| 300 | AND, UH... |
| 301 | CHANDLER. |
| 302 | THANK YOU, JOEY. |
| 303 | OH, NO. THANK YOU. |
| 304 | ( knocking on door ) |
| 305 | ALL RIGHT, I'M HERE. |
| 306 | LET'S, UH, GET THIS OVER WITH. |
| 307 | OKAY, WELL |
| 308 | JUST FOLLOW MY LEAD. |
| 309 | ( '30s dance music playing ) |
| 310 | DON'T WE NEED TO DO SOME KIND OF PREPARATION FIRST |
| 311 | LIKE, UH, GET REALLY DRUNK? |
| 312 | ALL RIGHT, COME ON. |
| 313 | JUST PUT YOUR ARMS AROUND ME. |
| 314 | YEAH. |
| 315 | I-I-I'M SORRY. |
| 316 | NO, IT'S OKAY |
| 317 | BUT IF I'M MARGE |
| 318 | MY BREASTS ARE COMING OUT MY BACK. |
| 319 | AH, FORGET IT. |
| 320 | I'M NOT GOING TO BE ANY GOOD AT THIS. |
| 321 | MY MOM WAS RIGHT. |
| 322 | ( music stops ) |
| 323 | I'M JUST A BIG POTATO |
| 324 | WITH ARMS AND LEGS AND A HEAD. |
| 325 | COME ON, MAN. |
| 326 | YOU'RE NOT A... POTATO. |
| 327 | I'M SURE AS HELL NOT A DANCER. |
| 328 | IT'S NO USE. |
| 329 | MARGE WILL NEVER GO FOR ME. |
| 330 | AH, COME ON, TREEGER. |
| 331 | DON'T SAY THAT. |
| 332 | YOU JUST, UH... |
| 333 | YOU JUST NEED MORE PRACTICE. |
| 334 | HERE. COME ON. |
| 335 | LET'S TRY IT AGAIN. |
| 336 | ( music starts ) |
| 337 | COME ON. |
| 338 | PLUS, IT WAS PROBABLY MOSTLY MY FAULT. |
| 339 | I MEAN, I'M NOT REALLY THAT COMFORTABLE |
| 340 | DANCING WITH A... |
| 341 | WHOO-HOO! |
| 342 | HEY! |
| 343 | YEAH! |
| 344 | ( sighs ) |
| 345 | SO HOW GOES THE DANCING? |
| 346 | GAY YET? |
| 347 | HA, HA, HA. |
| 348 | YOU GUYS OWE ME BIG TIME. |
| 349 | WHAT WAS THAT? |
| 350 | WHAT? |
| 351 | YOU JUST DID A LITTLE DANCE-Y THING. |
| 352 | NO, I DIDN'T. |
| 353 | YES, YOU DID. |
| 354 | YOU DID, LIKE, A LITTLE HOP. |
| 355 | YOU ARE SO ENJOYING THIS. |
| 356 | NO, I'M NOT. |
| 357 | AND IT WASN'T A HOP. |
| 358 | IT WAS A PAUX DE BARRE. |
| 359 | OH! |
| 360 | ( both laughing ) |
| 361 | YOU KNOW THE WORDS! |
| 362 | YOU ARE SO INTO THIS. |
| 363 | ALL RIGHT. MAYBE I'M ENJOYING IT A LITTLE BIT. |
| 364 | I MEAN, I'M GETTING PRETTY GOOD AT IT. |
| 365 | OH, THIS IS SO SWEET. |
| 366 | JOEY, OUR LITTLE TWINKLE-TOES. |
| 367 | HEY, HEY. HOLD ON. |
| 368 | THIS ISN'T SOME KIND OF GIRLIE DANCE. |
| 369 | IT'S LIKE A SPORT. IT'S MANLY. |
| 370 | YEAH. |
| 371 | ALL RIGHT, COME HERE. |
| 372 | SHOW ME SOME MANLY MOVES. |
| 373 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 374 | ( giggles ) |
| 375 | OKAY. |
| 376 | I DON'T KNOW HOW TO LEAD. |
| 377 | HELLO. |
| 378 | HI. |
| 379 | WE'D LIKE TO CLOSE OUR ACCOUNTS. |
| 380 | CLOSE YOUR ACCOUNTS? |
| 381 | IS THERE SOME PROBLEM? |
| 382 | NO, NO. |
| 383 | NO. WE'D JUST LIKE TO CLOSE THEM. |
| 384 | OKAY. |
| 385 | MS. LAMBERT HANDLES ALL OUR CLOSURES. |
| 386 | WOULD YOU COME OVER HERE |
| 387 | PLEASE? |
| 388 | HI. I'M KAREN. |
| 389 | I WANT TO QUIT THE BANK! |
| 390 | OKAY, BASEBALL. |
| 391 | RICK PLAYING BASEBALL. |
| 392 | OKAY, HE SLIDES INTO SECOND. |
| 393 | MAYBE EVEN HIS PANTS COME DOWN A LITTLE. |
| 394 | OH, NO! WAIT! NO! |
| 395 | NO, NO. |
| 396 | ALL RIGHT, SANDWICHES, SANDWICHES. |
| 397 | UM, OKAY, ON A PLATE. |
| 398 | MAYBE RICK'S PANTS COME DOWN A LITTLE. |
| 399 | NO, NO! |
| 400 | CHANDLER. |
| 401 | OKAY, CHANDLER. |
| 402 | OOH, THAT'S WORKING. |
| 403 | CHANDLER'S... KNEES. |
| 404 | CHANDLER'S ANKLES. |
| 405 | CHANDLER'S ANKLE HAIR. |
| 406 | OH, NO. |
| 407 | OKAY, YOU'RE ALL SET. |
| 408 | OH, WOW. |
| 409 | THAT WAS AMAZING. |
| 410 | WAS THAT REALLY JUST AN HOUR? |
| 411 | YEAH... |
| 412 | IN REALLY LONG HOUR WORLD. |
| 413 | WHAT? |
| 414 | ( sighs ): OKAY. |
| 415 | I HAVE AN ENORMOUS CRUSH ON YOU |
| 416 | BUT BECAUSE YOU'RE A CLIENT, I CAN'T ASK YOU OUT |
| 417 | EVEN THOUGH YOU GIVE ME, YOU KNOW, THE FEELINGS. |
| 418 | WOW. |
| 419 | I HAD NO IDEA |
| 420 | BUT, UH, HEY. |
| 421 | I CAN ALWAYS FIND ANOTHER MASSEUSE. |
| 422 | REALLY? |
| 423 | YEAH, REALLY. |
| 424 | WHAT? |
| 425 | SUDDENLY, I'M VERY AWARE THAT I'M NAKED. |
| 426 | OKAY, QUIET DOWN. |
| 427 | MR. SIMON'S BEEN WAITING FOR... OH, MY GOD. |
| 428 | WHY WASN'T I OFFERED THAT? |
| 429 | I'D DEFINITELY PAY MORE FOR THAT. |
| 430 | PHOEBE, WE HAVE RULES HERE. |
| 431 | THIS IS NOT THAT KIND OF PLACE. |
| 432 | NO, YEAH, OH, AND I KNOW |
| 433 | BUT THIS ISN'T HOW IT LOOKS AT ALL |
| 434 | 'CAUSE RICK IS, UM... MY HUSBAND. |
| 435 | OH, REALLY? |
| 436 | WELL, THEN, YOU BETTER TELL HIS OTHER WIFE |
| 437 | 'CAUSE SHE CALLED THREE TIMES |
| 438 | ASKING WHERE HE IS. |
| 439 | YES, I WILL TELL... HER. |
| 440 | SO YOU DIDN'T LEAVE THE BANK? |
| 441 | NO... |
| 442 | AND SOMEHOW, WE ENDED UP |
| 443 | WITH A JOINT CHECKING ACCOUNT. |
| 444 | WHAT ARE YOU EVER GOING TO USE THAT FOR? |
| 445 | TO PAY FOR THE GYM. |
| 446 | HEY. HEY. |
| 447 | HEY! |
| 448 | SO, I HAD A GREAT DAY. |
| 449 | RICK AND I HIT IT OFF. |
| 450 | WE STARTED MAKING OUT |
| 451 | AND THEN, MY BOSS WALKED IN AND FIRED ME FOR BEING A WHORE. |
| 452 | WHAT? WHAT? |
| 453 | YOU GOT FIRED? |
| 454 | IT'S SO WEIRD. |
| 455 | I HAVE NEVER BEEN FIRED FROM ANYTHING BEFORE. |
| 456 | SWEETIE. |
| 457 | I JUST STARTED WALKING AROUND |
| 458 | NOT KNOWING WHAT TO DO NEXT, YOU KNOW? |
| 459 | I STARTED ASKING PEOPLE ON THE STREET |
| 460 | IF THEY WANTED MASSAGES. |
| 461 | THEN THESE POLICEMEN THOUGHT I WAS A WHORE, TOO. |
| 462 | OH! |
| 463 | IT'S REALLY BEEN A BAD DAY, WHORE-WISE. |
| 464 | ( knocking at door ) |
| 465 | HEY, DUCK. |
| 466 | IS CHICK HERE? |
| 467 | YEAH... |
| 468 | BUNNY RABBIT. |
| 469 | YOU READY FOR OUR LAST PRACTICE? |
| 470 | YEAH, BUT I THINK THE REASON |
| 471 | WE'RE NOT GETTING THAT SPIN RIGHT |
| 472 | IS BECAUSE MY APARTMENT'S TOO SMALL. |
| 473 | WANT TO USE OUR PLACE? |
| 474 | NO. |
| 475 | I HAD ANOTHER IDEA. |
| 476 | ♪ NIGHT AND DAY ♪ |
| 477 | ♪ YOU ARE THE ONE ♪ |
| 478 | ♪ ONLY YOU BENEATH THE MOON ♪ |
| 479 | ♪ AND UNDER THE SUN ♪ |
| 480 | ♪ WHETHER NEAR TO ME OR FAR ♪ |
| 481 | ♪ IT'S NOT MATTER, DARLING, WHERE YOU ARE ♪ |
| 482 | ♪ I THINK OF YOU ♪ |
| 483 | ♪ NIGHT AND DAY. ♪ |
| 484 | WE DID IT! |
| 485 | I KNOW! WE DID IT! |
| 486 | HEY, THAT WAS INCREDIBLE, HUH? |
| 487 | THAT WAS AMAZING! |
| 488 | I MEAN, WE TOTALLY NAILED IT! |
| 489 | IT WAS BEAUTIFUL. |
| 490 | HEY, LISTEN. |
| 491 | THANKS A LOT, TRIBBIANI. |
| 492 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 493 | LOOK AT THE TIME. |
| 494 | I GOT TO CATCH THE BUS TO THE BALL. |
| 495 | OH. OKAY. |
| 496 | GOOD LUCK. |
| 497 | YEAH. |
| 498 | UNLESS YOU WANT TO PRACTICE THE FOX-TROT AGAIN |
| 499 | OR THE TANGO? |
| 500 | UH, THANKS, BUT NO. |
| 501 | YOU SEE, I THINK I'M READY TO DANCE WITH GIRLS. |
| 502 | OKAY. |
| 503 | GO GET 'EM, TREEGER. |
| 504 | RIGHT. |
| 505 | HEY, UH... |
| 506 | YOU WANT TO COME? |
| 507 | MARGE HAS A GIRLFRIEND. |
| 508 | REALLY? |
| 509 | YEAH. |
| 510 | YOU COULD DANCE WITH HER. |
| 511 | SHE'S THE SAME SIZE AS ME. |
| 512 | NO. I'M GOOD. |
| 513 | SO, IT LOOKS LIKE YOU'VE GOT SOME GREAT EXPERIENCE HERE. |
| 514 | LET'S SEE. |
| 515 | REASON FOR LEAVING LAST JOB? |
| 516 | YEAH. THEY THOUGHT I WAS A WHORE. |
| 517 | OKAY. |
| 518 | WE'LL GIVE YOU A CALL IF ANYTHING COMES UP. |
| 519 | GREAT. |
| 520 | THANK YOU VERY MUCH. |
| 521 | [Captioned by The Caption Center WGBH Educational Foundation] |
| 522 | |
| 1 | HELLO. |
| 2 | WHAT'S THIS? |
| 3 | OH, RIGHT, IT'S THAT GIRL'S PHONE NUMBER. |
| 4 | ( sighs ) |
| 5 | YEAH, YEAH, THERE IT IS. |
| 6 | JUST A PHONE NUMBER A REALLY HOT GIRL GAVE ME. |
| 7 | ( chuckling ) |
| 8 | IT'S NO BIG DEAL. |
| 9 | I MEAN, IT IS HER HOME PHONE NUMBER, BUT... |
| 10 | WHOA! |
| 11 | WH-WHOOPS. |
| 12 | ( chuckling ) |
| 13 | ALMOST LOST THIS BABY. |
| 14 | YEAH, THE LOVELY AMANDA GIVES ME HER NUMBER |
| 15 | AND I, I GO AND DROP IT. |
| 16 | ( chuckles ) |
| 17 | ( sneezes ) |
| 18 | THANK YOU. |
| 19 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 20 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 21 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 22 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 23 | ♪ WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY ♪ |
| 24 | ♪ YOUR WEEK, YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 25 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 26 | ♪ WHEN THE RAIN STARTS TO POUR ♪ |
| 27 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 28 | ♪ LIKE I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE ♪ |
| 29 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 30 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME, TOO. ♪ |
| 31 | RACHEL? YEAH. |
| 32 | WHEN'S YOUR BIRTHDAY? |
| 33 | MAY 5. WHY? |
| 34 | I'M JUST MAKING A LIST OF PEOPLE'S BIRTHDAYS. |
| 35 | OH, MINE'S DECEMBER... |
| 36 | YEAH, WHATEVER. |
| 37 | Chandler: OH, SHE'S PRETTY. |
| 38 | PRETTY, UH, PRETTY GIRL. |
| 39 | THE PRETTY... SHE'S PRETTY. |
| 40 | WELL, JUST GO UP TO HER AND ASK HER OUT. |
| 41 | WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN? |
| 42 | I COULD DIE. |
| 43 | YEAH, IT'S... IT'S TOUGH BEING SINGLE. |
| 44 | THAT'S WHY I'M SO GLAD I FOUND AMANDA. |
| 45 | ROSS, YOU GUYS WENT OUT ONCE. |
| 46 | YOU TOOK YOUR KIDS TO CHUCK E CHEESE |
| 47 | AND YOU DIDN'T EVEN KISS HER. |
| 48 | I TELL PEOPLE SECRETS. |
| 49 | IT MAKES THEM LIKE ME. |
| 50 | OH. |
| 51 | HEY. ( sneezes ) |
| 52 | OH, PHOEBE, YOU'RE SICK. YOU SHOULDN'T PLAY. |
| 53 | YOU SHOULD JUST GO HOME AND GET IN BED AND STAY THERE. |
| 54 | BUT I'M UNEMPLOYED. |
| 55 | MY MUSIC IS ALL I REALLY HAVE NOW. |
| 56 | WELL, MUSIC AND MAKING MY OWN SHOES. |
| 57 | PRETTY, HUH? |
| 58 | ( sneezes ) |
| 59 | ALL RIGHT. I'M GOING TO DO IT. |
| 60 | I'M GOING TO GO GET SHOT DOWN. |
| 61 | A-ANY ADVICE? |
| 62 | JUST BE YOURSELF. |
| 63 | BUT NOT TOO MUCH. |
| 64 | WISH ME LUCK. |
| 65 | ( loudly ): GOOD LUCK. |
| 66 | WISH IT. |
| 67 | HI. HI, I-I WAS JUST, UH, SITTING OVER THERE AND... |
| 68 | UH, CHANDLER. MY NAME'S CHANDLER. |
| 69 | DID I SAY THAT? |
| 70 | NO, YOU DIDN'T. |
| 71 | HI, I'M KATHY. |
| 72 | KATHY WITH A "K" OR A "C"? |
| 73 | WITH A "K." H-H-HEY! |
| 74 | WOW. YOU ARE REALLY GOOD AT THIS. |
| 75 | HEY, COME ON, GIVE ME A BREAK. |
| 76 | I'M OUT ON A LIMB HERE. I'M SORRY. YOU'RE RIGHT. |
| 77 | I APOLOGIZE, BUT I SHOULD TELL YOU |
| 78 | THAT I'M WAITING FOR A DATE. |
| 79 | OH, AND THERE HE IS NOW. |
| 80 | HEY! |
| 81 | HEY! HEY-HEY, HEY. |
| 82 | I SEE YOU GUYS ALREADY MET, HUH? |
| 83 | YES, YES. I WAS JUST TRYING TO FIGURE OUT A WAY |
| 84 | TO DEMONSTRATE HOW I CAN GET MY EXCEPTIONALLY LARGE FEET |
| 85 | INTO MY EVEN BIGGER MOUTH. |
| 86 | DIDN'T I TELL YOU? |
| 87 | ALWAYS SHOWING OFF. |
| 88 | ( chuckles ) |
| 89 | I... BEFORE I START I JUST WANT TO SAY THAT I HAVE A COLD. |
| 90 | SO IF I SNEEZE IN THE MIDDLE OF A SONG |
| 91 | IT'S NOT ON PURPOSE. |
| 92 | OH, EXCEPT THE LAST VERSE OF "PEPPER PEOPLE." |
| 93 | OKAY? |
| 94 | ( clears throat ) |
| 95 | ( rasping ): ♪ SMELLY CAT ♪ |
| 96 | ♪ SMELLY CAT ♪ |
| 97 | ♪ WHAT ARE THEY FEEDING YOU...? ♪ |
| 98 | THIS CHICK SOUNDS GOOD. |
| 99 | ♪ SMELLY CAT, SMELLY... ♪ |
| 100 | HEY, GUNTHER, BE A GOOD LITTLE BOY |
| 101 | AND BRING ME A WHISKEY. |
| 102 | HI. HI. |
| 103 | GEEZ, AT 2:30 IN THE MORNING |
| 104 | I DIDN'T EXPECT TO HAVE TO FIGHT OVER THE REMOTE. |
| 105 | SORRY. THERE'S THIS ERNIE KOVACS THING |
| 106 | ON IN A FEW MINUTES I WANTED TO WATCH. |
| 107 | MY GOD, THAT'S WHY I GOT UP, TOO. |
| 108 | YOU'RE KIDDING? OH, I LOVE HIM. |
| 109 | HEY, LISTEN, I'M SORRY ABOUT THIS AFTERNOON. |
| 110 | YOU KNOW, IF I HAD KNOWN YOU GUYS WERE... I NEVER WOULD'VE... |
| 111 | ( chuckling ): OH, PLEASE! |
| 112 | SO, JOEY TELLS ME YOU TWO MET IN ACTING CLASS. |
| 113 | YEAH, THEY TEAMED US UP AS PARTNERS |
| 114 | AND JOEY PICKED THREE SCENES FOR US TO DO. |
| 115 | ALL OF THEM HAD US MAKING OUT. |
| 116 | THAT'S A GOOD THING, ACTUALLY |
| 117 | BECAUSE, UH, HE USED TO MAKE ME REHEARSE WITH HIM. |
| 118 | OH-OH-OH-OH-OH! |
| 119 | OH, IS IT ON? |
| 120 | NO, BUT THIS WONDER BROOM IS AMAZING! |
| 121 | HEY, WAIT. |
| 122 | ( gasps ) |
| 123 | OH, MY GOD! |
| 124 | OH, IT'S ON, IT'S ON. |
| 125 | ( music-box song playing ) |
| 126 | HERE WE GO, LITTLE FELLA. |
| 127 | ( giggles ) |
| 128 | WHAT ABOUT THE DUCK? |
| 129 | WELL, THE DUCK CAN SWIM. |
| 130 | OF COURSE. |
| 131 | ( throaty voice ): ♪ MY STICKY SHOE ♪ |
| 132 | ♪ MY STICKY, STICKY SHOE ♪ |
| 133 | ♪ WHY YOU STICK ON ME ♪ |
| 134 | ♪ BABY? ♪ |
| 135 | THANKS FOR THE LIGHTS, HONEY. |
| 136 | Ross: WAY TO GO. |
| 137 | YOUR COLD MAKES YOU SOUND SO GREAT. |
| 138 | IT'S FUN. GOD, I LOVE HOW SEXY I AM. |
| 139 | ( coughing ) |
| 140 | KATH, WE SHOULD GET GOING. |
| 141 | WE'RE GOING TO BUY HAMSTERS. |
| 142 | OH... |
| 143 | I LOVE THOSE LITTLE GUYS. |
| 144 | NO, NO, IT'S NOT LIKE THAT. |
| 145 | I... I WORK FOR A MEDICAL RESEARCHER. |
| 146 | WELL, HAVE FUN. |
| 147 | OKAY. |
| 148 | WELL, I THINK IT'S NICE THAT THE MEDICAL COMMUNITY |
| 149 | IS FINALLY TRYING TO HELP SICK HAMSTERS. |
| 150 | YOU KNOW WHAT? I LIKE KATHY. |
| 151 | YEAH? OH, YEAH, ME, TOO. |
| 152 | SHE'S SO COOL AND PRETTY. |
| 153 | Phoebe: YEAH, SHE'S... |
| 154 | SHE'S SMART AND... FUNNY, YOU KNOW? |
| 155 | I MEAN, WE WERE UP ALL LAST NIGHT TALKING. |
| 156 | SHE SAID THE FUNNIEST THING |
| 157 | ABOUT-- WHAT? |
| 158 | YOU LOVE HER. |
| 159 | NO, I DON'T. |
| 160 | YES, YOU DO. CHANDLER LOVES KATHY. |
| 161 | COME ON, PHEEBS, NOW, JUST-- JUST LAY OFF HIM. |
| 162 | THANK YOU, ROSS. |
| 163 | YEAH, HE'S A LITTLE SENSITIVE RIGHT NOW |
| 164 | BECAUSE HE'S SO IN LOVE. |
| 165 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 166 | ( all making kissing noises ) |
| 167 | OH, MM! OH, KATHY! |
| 168 | KATHY, I LOVE YOU. |
| 169 | OH! |
| 170 | ( making kissing noises ) |
| 171 | Phoebe: SO, I NEED TO WRITE |
| 172 | SOME DEPRESSING STUFF TO GO WITH MY NEW BLUESY VOICE |
| 173 | BUT NOTHING THAT SAD |
| 174 | HAS EVER REALLY HAPPENED TO ME. |
| 175 | WELL, HOW ABOUT YOUR MOM DYING |
| 176 | OR HAVING TO LIVE ON THE STREETS WHEN YOU WERE 14? |
| 177 | UH-HUH. |
| 178 | OH, YEAH, I COULD WRITE ABOUT THE TIME |
| 179 | MY HAIR DID THAT WHOO-HOO THING. |
| 180 | HEY. |
| 181 | ( both ): HEY. |
| 182 | SO, I'M GOING OVER TO AMANDA'S TONIGHT... |
| 183 | RACHEL'S NOT HERE. |
| 184 | OH. |
| 185 | HOW'S IT GOING WITH HER? |
| 186 | GREAT, ACTUALLY. |
| 187 | I'M THINKING TONIGHT MAY BE THE NIGHT. |
| 188 | YEAH, THE KIDS ARE GOING TO PLAY TOGETHER |
| 189 | AND THEN, WHEN THEY'RE ASLEEP |
| 190 | I'M THINKING AMANDA AND I BREAK OPEN A BOTTLE OF WINE-- |
| 191 | DO A LITTLE PLAYING OURSELVES. |
| 192 | HI, GUYS. |
| 193 | THIS IS JOSH. |
| 194 | JOSH, THESE ARE MY FRIENDS. |
| 195 | AND THAT'S ROSS. |
| 196 | HI, JOSH. |
| 197 | HI. |
| 198 | DUDES. |
| 199 | DID YOU PLAY IN COLLEGE? |
| 200 | OH, I STILL DO. |
| 201 | NEXT YEAR I HOPE TO MAKE VARSITY, THOUGH. |
| 202 | ROSS, DIDN'T YOU PLAY SOCCER |
| 203 | IN HIGH SCHOOL? |
| 204 | OH, NO, WAIT, THAT'S RIGHT. |
| 205 | YOU JUST ORGANIZED THEIR GAME SCHEDULES ON YOUR COMMODORE 64. |
| 206 | WELL, IT'S GETTING LATE. I GOT TO GET TO THE GAME, |
| 207 | SO I'M GOING TO HEAD. |
| 208 | OKAY. |
| 209 | I'LL MISS YOU. |
| 210 | DOPE! |
| 211 | WOW. CUTE ONE. |
| 212 | VERY CUTE. |
| 213 | I KNOW. ISN'T HE GREAT? |
| 214 | IT'S SO NICE TO FINALLY BE |
| 215 | IN A FUN RELATIONSHIP, YOU KNOW? |
| 216 | NOTHING BORING ABOUT HIM, AND, UH... |
| 217 | BET HE'S NEVER EVEN SET FOOT IN A MUSEUM. |
| 218 | WELL, MAYBE HE'LL GET TO GO SOON-- |
| 219 | YOU KNOW, LIKE ON A CLASS TRIP OR SOMETHING. |
| 220 | YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE IS REALLY GREAT ABOUT HIM? |
| 221 | OH, WHAT IS THE WORD FOR AN ADULT |
| 222 | WHO DOESN'T HAVE DINOSAUR TOYS IN THEIR BEDROOM? |
| 223 | OH... |
| 224 | WHAT WAS THAT? |
| 225 | MONICA KNOWS. |
| 226 | IT'S THIS DUMB THING THAT ROSS MADE UP |
| 227 | TO TRY TO FOOL OUR PARENTS. |
| 228 | IT'S A WAY OF GIVING THE FINGER WITHOUT ACTUALLY HAVING |
| 229 | TO GIVE IT. |
| 230 | I REMEMBER I CRIED THE NIGHT YOU MADE THAT UP. |
| 231 | IT WAS THE FIRST TIME I REALIZED I WAS COOLER |
| 232 | THAN MY BIG BROTHER. |
| 233 | WELL. |
| 234 | I'M GOING TO GO GET READY... |
| 235 | FOR MY DATE TONIGHT, SO, UH... |
| 236 | I'LL JUST HEAD. |
| 237 | YEAH, I SHOULD GO, TOO, 'CAUSE I'M PLAYING IN ONE HOUR. |
| 238 | ( clears throat ) |
| 239 | ( normal voice ): YOU GUYS SHOULD COME HEAR ME. |
| 240 | OOH! HEAR ME-- OOH! |
| 241 | ♪ MY STICKY SHOES... ♪ |
| 242 | EWW! EWW! OH! |
| 243 | I LOST MY SEXY PHLEGM. |
| 244 | HI. HI. |
| 245 | HI, BEN. |
| 246 | WOW, YOU-- YOU LOOK GREAT. |
| 247 | THANKS. |
| 248 | OKAY. HEY, TOMMY. |
| 249 | I AM SO GLAD |
| 250 | THAT YOU COULD COME OVER TONIGHT. |
| 251 | OH, NO, NO. |
| 252 | IT'S MY PLEASURE. |
| 253 | MY CELL PHONE NUMBER IS RIGHT HERE ON THE COUNTER. |
| 254 | PLEASE HELP YOURSELF TO ANYTHING IN THE FRIDGE. |
| 255 | WHA-- |
| 256 | I APPRECIATE THIS SO MUCH. |
| 257 | I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO GO OUT WITH THIS GUY |
| 258 | FOR, LIKE, A MONTH. |
| 259 | I-I DON'T... |
| 260 | OH, I DON'T MEAN TO BE A SQUARE |
| 261 | BUT I'D REALLY APPRECIATE IT IF YOU'D WAIT |
| 262 | AND DRINK YOUR WINE AFTER THE KIDS ARE ASLEEP. |
| 263 | GOODNIGHT, SWEETIE. |
| 264 | OH, THANKS FOR THIS. |
| 265 | I HOPE I CAN DO THE SAME FOR YOU SOMETIME. |
| 266 | ( sighs ) |
| 267 | WHO WANTS TO MAKE SOME LONG-DISTANCE CALLS? |
| 268 | KATHY! |
| 269 | KATHY! HI! |
| 270 | KATHY! KATHY! |
| 271 | KATHY! |
| 272 | FETCH! FETCH IT! |
| 273 | KATHY! |
| 274 | KATHY! |
| 275 | KATHY! |
| 276 | KATHY! |
| 277 | KATHY! |
| 278 | ( breathlessly ): KA... KATHY. |
| 279 | HEY. CHANDLER, WHAT'RE YOU DOING HERE? |
| 280 | WELL... |
| 281 | I JUST WANTED TO SAY, "HEY." |
| 282 | HEY. |
| 283 | OKAY. |
| 284 | ( whimpers ) |
| 285 | YOU'RE MAKING IT SOUND WORSE THAN IT WAS. |
| 286 | HER DATE TIPPED ME TEN DOLLARS. |
| 287 | PHEEBS, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? |
| 288 | OKAY, I WANT TO BE SEXY AGAIN |
| 289 | SO, I'M TRYING TO CATCH A COLD. |
| 290 | SHOULD BE EASY. SUPPOSEDLY, THEY'RE PRETTY COMMON. |
| 291 | PHOEBE, YOU'LL CATCH PNEUMONIA. |
| 292 | OKAY, YOU WERE RIGHT. |
| 293 | I'M IN LOVE WITH JOEY'S GIRLFRIEND. |
| 294 | WHAT? ARE YOU SERIOUS? |
| 295 | HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE? YOU BARELY KNOW HER. |
| 296 | I DON'T KNOW. I CAN'T... I JU... |
| 297 | I CAN'T GET HER OUT OF MY HEAD, YOU KNOW? |
| 298 | I MEAN, I'M A VERY BAD PERSON. |
| 299 | I'M A VERY, VERY BAD PER... |
| 300 | I'M A HORRIBLE PERSON. |
| 301 | NO, YOU'RE NOT, CHANDLER. |
| 302 | WE STILL LOVE YOU, CHANDLER. |
| 303 | ( sneezes ) |
| 304 | OH... GOSH, PHOEBE, |
| 305 | I THINK I CAUGHT YOUR COLD. |
| 306 | YOU MEAN YOU STOLE IT. |
| 307 | ( sneezes ) |
| 308 | DON'T COVER YOUR MOUTH WHEN YOU DO THAT. |
| 309 | ( both laughing ) |
| 310 | OH... |
| 311 | WE WERE JUST TALKING ABOUT YOU. |
| 312 | REALLY. |
| 313 | YEAH, I TOLD HER ABOUT THE TIME YOU GOT DRUNK |
| 314 | AND FELL ASLEEP WITH YOUR HEAD IN THE TOILET. |
| 315 | ( laughing ) |
| 316 | RIGHT IN THERE. |
| 317 | ...NINETY-NINE |
| 318 | A HUNDRED. |
| 319 | READY OR NOT, HERE I COME! |
| 320 | ALL RIGHT, LET'S GO OVER THE CONCEPT ONE MORE TIME. |
| 321 | HEY. |
| 322 | HEY. |
| 323 | LISTEN, YOU WANT TO GET SOME DINNER |
| 324 | WITH ME AND KATHY TONIGHT? |
| 325 | OH, UM, YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 326 | I, UH, ALREADY ATE. |
| 327 | IT'S 4:30. |
| 328 | YEAH, WELL, I HAD A BIG MEAL ON MONDAY. |
| 329 | SO THAT'S JUST GOING TO GET ME |
| 330 | STRAIGHT THROUGH THE WEEK. |
| 331 | OKAY. |
| 332 | I SEE WHAT'S GOING ON HERE. |
| 333 | YOU, YOU DO? |
| 334 | YEAH. YOU DON'T LIKE KATHY. |
| 335 | YOU GOT ME. |
| 336 | YEAH. YOU BEEN AVOIDING HER |
| 337 | EVER SINCE WE STARTED GOING OUT. |
| 338 | I MADE AN EFFORT TO LIKE JANICE. |
| 339 | IT'S YOUR TURN TO MAKE AN EFFORT TO LIKE KATHY |
| 340 | BY COMING OUT TO DINNER WITH US. |
| 341 | RIGHT? YEAH, RIGHT. |
| 342 | GOOD. AND, HEY, MY TREAT. |
| 343 | BUT THAT'S ONLY BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT EATING ANYTHING, RIGHT? |
| 344 | RIGHT. |
| 345 | ROSS ISN'T HERE. |
| 346 | OH. |
| 347 | STOP IT! |
| 348 | SO, UH, I'LL SEE YOU AT THE PARTY? |
| 349 | FEAR'S FEAR, MAN! |
| 350 | TWENTY-FOUR/SEVEN! |
| 351 | YEAH! |
| 352 | I AM SO GOING TO MARRY THAT GUY. |
| 353 | OH! |
| 354 | WHAT? |
| 355 | I THINK HE'S STEALING FROM ME. |
| 356 | WHY? |
| 357 | BECAUSE HE'S STEALING FROM ME. |
| 358 | OH! |
| 359 | HI. IT'S ME. |
| 360 | AND SOUP. |
| 361 | HEY, OH, I JUST SAW JOSH. |
| 362 | HE LOOKED SO YUMMY IN YOUR LEATHER JACKET. |
| 363 | UGH! |
| 364 | HERE. NOW, I DON'T EAT CHICKEN |
| 365 | SO, IT'S JUST NOODLE SOUP. |
| 366 | AND THERE'S |
| 367 | NO CHICKEN IN THE BROTH EITHER |
| 368 | SO, IT'S REALLY JUST NOODLE WATER. |
| 369 | THANK YOU SO MUCH, PHOEBE. |
| 370 | SURE. |
| 371 | WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THOSE? |
| 372 | I NEED YOUR GERMS. |
| 373 | I WANT MY COLD BACK. |
| 374 | I MISS MY SEXY VOICE. |
| 375 | SORRY, PHOEBE. |
| 376 | THAT'S OKAY. |
| 377 | HOW'S THE SOUP? |
| 378 | MMM. |
| 379 | OHH! |
| 380 | GOD! |
| 381 | GROSS! |
| 382 | ( laughing ) |
| 383 | OH, MY GOD, YOU GUYS, CHECK IT OUT. |
| 384 | YOU CAN SEE THAT GIRL'S UNDERWEAR. |
| 385 | IS SHE GREAT OR WHAT? |
| 386 | SO? HUH? |
| 387 | WHAT DO YOU THINK? |
| 388 | UH, SHE'S, SHE'S NOT REALLY MY TYPE. |
| 389 | NOT YOUR TYPE? |
| 390 | SHE'S GORGEOUS. |
| 391 | YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK IT IS? |
| 392 | I THINK IT'S THE FISHNET STOCKINGS, YOU KNOW? |
| 393 | WHENEVER I SEE A GIRL IN FISHNET STOCKINGS |
| 394 | IT REMINDS ME OF... |
| 395 | MY FATHER IN FISHNET STOCKINGS. |
| 396 | OKAY. |
| 397 | UNDERSTANDING A LITTLE MORE OF WHY YOU'RE SINGLE. |
| 398 | YOU KNOW, I HAVE A FRIEND YOU'D LIKE. |
| 399 | SHE'S REALLY PRETTY, AND THEN WE COULD DOUBLE DATE. |
| 400 | UH, NO, NO, THANKS. |
| 401 | OKAY. I'VE GOT SOME UGLY FRIENDS |
| 402 | AND THEY'RE ALL AVAILABLE, TOO. |
| 403 | LISTEN, I'M GOING TO GRAB A BEER. |
| 404 | I'LL BE RIGHT BACK, OKAY? |
| 405 | WHAT WAS THAT? |
| 406 | WHAT? |
| 407 | KATHY WAS BEING NICE, AND YOU WALKED AWAY. |
| 408 | I THOUGHT WE HAD A DEAL. |
| 409 | LOOK, WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME? |
| 410 | I WANT YOU TO LIKE HER |
| 411 | BUT IF THAT'S TOO DAMN DIFFICULT FOR YOU |
| 412 | THEN THE LEAST YOU COULD DO IS PRETEND. |
| 413 | I AM PRETENDING. |
| 414 | WELL, THEN DO IT BETTER. |
| 415 | WHAT DO YOU SAY I GO AND TELL HER HOW MUCH I LIKE HER? |
| 416 | NO, NO. IT'LL BE GOOD. |
| 417 | I CAN TELL HER I BEEN THINKING ABOUT HER-- |
| 418 | THAT I HAVEN'T STOPPED THINKING ABOUT HER |
| 419 | SINCE THE MOMENT WE MET |
| 420 | THAT I'M SO FANTASTICALLY OVER-THE-TOP |
| 421 | WANT-TO-SLIT-MY-OWN- THROAT IN LOVE WITH HER |
| 422 | THAT FOR EVERY MINUTE OF EVERY HOUR OF EVERY DAY |
| 423 | I CAN'T BELIEVE MY OWN BAD LUCK THAT YOU MET HER FIRST! |
| 424 | YEAH, WELL, THAT'S PRETTY GOOD. |
| 425 | BUT YOU MIGHT WANT TO TONE IT DOWN A LITTLE. |
| 426 | HEY. |
| 427 | SO, UH, AMANDA JUST, JUST DROPPED ME OFF. |
| 428 | YOU KNOW, THAT'S ONE OF THE THINGS |
| 429 | I LOVE ABOUT HER. |
| 430 | SHE'S, UH, SHE'S OLD ENOUGH TO DRIVE. |
| 431 | SO, UH, I GUESS |
| 432 | YOU'RE NOT GOING TO MOM AND DAD'S TONIGHT, HUH? |
| 433 | ( coughing ): NO, SORRY. |
| 434 | WELL, WHERE'S AMANDA? |
| 435 | COULD YOU GET ME SOME COUGH DROPS? |
| 436 | YOU KNOW, I'M THINKING YOU COULD BRING HER |
| 437 | AND YOU GUYS COULD GO UP TO YOUR OLD ROOM |
| 438 | AND NOT MAKE OUT. |
| 439 | ( coughing ) |
| 440 | ROSS, A COUGH DROP, PLEASE? |
| 441 | AT LEAST I KNOW SHE'S NOT GOING OUT WITH ME |
| 442 | TO GET INTO "R"-RATED MOVIES. |
| 443 | ( coughing ) |
| 444 | WHY DON'T YOU JUST MARRY HER? |
| 445 | OH, NO, WAIT A MINUTE. |
| 446 | YOU CAN'T. I'M SORRY. I FORGOT. |
| 447 | SHE'S NOT A LESBIAN. |
| 448 | SEE, AMANDA AND I HAVE A... |
| 449 | YOU HAVE NOTHING! |
| 450 | YOU'RE NOT EVEN GOING OUT. |
| 451 | YOU'RE HER BABY-SITTER. |
| 452 | YOU HAVE A 12-YEAR-OLD GIRL'S JOB. |
| 453 | ( laughing ) |
| 454 | OH, THAT IS SO SAD. |
| 455 | ( laughing ) |
| 456 | AND WHAT ARE YOU LAUGHING AT |
| 457 | MISS "MY KEG-SUCKING BOYFRIEND IS STEALING FROM ME"? |
| 458 | ( stifled laugh ) |
| 459 | SO HE STOLE A COUPLE BUCKS FROM ME. |
| 460 | BIG DEAL. |
| 461 | HE BOUGHT ME SOMETHING WITH IT. |
| 462 | THAT'S MINE! |
| 463 | NOW, WOULD YOU BOTH PLEASE START ACTING LIKE ADULTS? |
| 464 | AND GET ME MY COUGH DROPS? |
| 465 | FINE. |
| 466 | SORRY. |
| 467 | HERE. |
| 468 | THANK YOU. |
| 469 | ( sighs ) |
| 470 | LEAST I MADE TEN BUCKS IN MY RELATIONSHIP. |
| 471 | YOU KNOW... |
| 472 | ♪ PARADING GOATS ARE PARADING ♪ |
| 473 | ♪ PARADING DOWN THE STREET ♪ |
| 474 | ♪ PARADING GOATS ARE PARADING ♪ |
| 475 | ♪ LEAVING LITTLE TREATS. ♪ |
| 476 | I DON'T KNOW. |
| 477 | DOES IT EVEN WORK WITHOUT MY SEXY VOICE? |
| 478 | I LIKE IT. |
| 479 | ( sneezes ) |
| 480 | GUNTHER, KISS ME. |
| 481 | W-WHAT? |
| 482 | ( Kathy giggling ) |
| 483 | ( turns up volume ) |
| 484 | HEY. |
| 485 | NOW, WE'RE NOT EXACTLY GOING TO BE SLEEPING IN HERE |
| 486 | BUT DO YOU MIND? |
| 487 | ( door shuts ) |
| 488 | CAN I SLEEP ON YOUR COUCH? |
| 489 | ♪ AND I'M STILL WAITING FOR MY PAPIER-MáCHé MAN. ♪ |
| 490 | THANK YOU, MY BABIES. |
| 491 | RACHEL? |
| 492 | YEAH. |
| 493 | I DON'T KNOW IF YOU HEARD ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED |
| 494 | BETWEEN ME AND PHOEBE THE OTHER DAY. |
| 495 | NO. |
| 496 | WELL, WE KISSED. |
| 497 | I-I DIDN'T INITIATE THE KISS |
| 498 | BUT, BUT I ALSO DIDN'T STOP IT, AND... |
| 499 | I'VE BEEN FEELING GUILTY. |
| 500 | OKAY. |
| 501 | SO, UM... |
| 502 | ARE WE COOL? |
| 503 | OKAY. |
| 504 | I KNEW YOU'D UNDERSTAND. |
| 505 | |
| 1 | THANK YOU FOR THE DELICIOUS DINNER. |
| 2 | YOU'RE WELCOME FOR THE DELICIOUS DINNER. |
| 3 | HEY! WHAT ARE YOU GUYS LOOKING AT? |
| 4 | Chandler: ROSS AND THE MOST BEAUTIFUL GIRL IN THE WORLD. |
| 5 | YEAH, COME TO PAPA! |
| 6 | I KNOW! |
| 7 | PROBABLY THE ONLY TIME I'LL EVER SAY THIS |
| 8 | BUT DID YOU SEE THE ASS ON HER? |
| 9 | WHERE DID YOU...? WHEN DID YOU...? |
| 10 | HOW DID YOU...? |
| 11 | HOW DID YOU GET A GIRL LIKE THAT? |
| 12 | YEAH, SO, WHAT IS SHE... |
| 13 | LIKE, A SPOKESMODEL? |
| 14 | AEROBICS INSTRUCTOR? WHAT? |
| 15 | ACTUALLY, SHE'S A PALEONTOLOGY DOCTORAL CANDIDATE |
| 16 | SPECIALIZING IN THE CENOZOIC ERA. |
| 17 | OKAY, BUT THAT'S, LIKE, THE EASIEST ERA. |
| 18 | I'VE SEEN HER AT WORK |
| 19 | BUT I ALWAYS FIGURED... |
| 20 | ( snorting ) |
| 21 | BUT, UH, I MADE HER DINNER |
| 22 | WE HAD A GREAT TIME |
| 23 | AND WE'RE GOING OUT AGAIN TOMORROW. |
| 24 | MAYBE SHE AND HER FRIENDS ARE HAVING A CONTEST |
| 25 | TO SEE WHO BRINGS HOME THE BIGGEST GEEK. |
| 26 | FINE BY ME. HOPE SHE WINS. |
| 27 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 28 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 29 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 30 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 31 | ♪ WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY ♪ |
| 32 | ♪ YOUR WEEK, YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 33 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 34 | ♪ WHEN THE RAIN STARTS TO POUR ♪ |
| 35 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 36 | ♪ LIKE I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE ♪ |
| 37 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 38 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME, TOO. ♪ |
| 39 | HI. DO YOU GUYS HAVE ANY WRAPPING PAPER? |
| 40 | OH! IS IT FOR MY BIRTHDAY PRESENT? |
| 41 | PHEEBS, IT WAS YOUR BIRTHDAY, LIKE, MONTHS AGO. |
| 42 | YEAH, BUT REMEMBER YOU SAID YOU ORDERED SOMETHING SPECIAL |
| 43 | AND IT JUST HADN'T COME YET? |
| 44 | WELL, I HAVE A CALL IN ABOUT THAT. |
| 45 | OH, OKAY. |
| 46 | ACTUALLY, THIS IS FOR KATHY'S BIRTHDAY. |
| 47 | IT'S AN EARLY EDITION OF HER FAVORITE BOOK. |
| 48 | OH! |
| 49 | THE VELVETEEN RABBIT. |
| 50 | OH, MY GOD. WHEN THE BOY'S LOVE MAKES THE RABBIT REAL... |
| 51 | OKAY, BUT DON'T TOUCH IT |
| 52 | BECAUSE YOUR FINGERS HAVE DESTRUCTIVE OILS. |
| 53 | OH. WELL, THEN YOU BETTER KEEP IT AWAY FROM ROSS' HAIR. |
| 54 | THIS IS PRETTY RARE. HOW DID YOU GET THAT? |
| 55 | IT WASN'T A BIG DEAL. I JUST WENT TO A COUPLE OF BOOKSTORES |
| 56 | TALKED TO A COUPLE OF DEALERS |
| 57 | CALLED A COUPLE OF THE AUTHOR'S GRANDCHILDREN. |
| 58 | OH... HONEY, THAT'S SO SWEET. |
| 59 | YEAH, AND WHAT A GREAT WAY TO SAY, "I SECRETLY LOVE YOU ROOMMATE'S GIRLFRIEND." |
| 60 | IT DOESN'T SAY THAT. |
| 61 | DOES IT? |
| 62 | HOW DO YOU THINK IT WILL LOOK WHEN YOU GET HER |
| 63 | SOMETHING INCREDIBLY MEANINGFUL AND EXPENSIVE |
| 64 | AND HER BOYFRIEND JOEY GIVES HER AN ORANGE? |
| 65 | OKAY, I'LL JUST MAKE SURE |
| 66 | JOEY GETS HER SOMETHING REALLY GREAT. |
| 67 | IT'S GOT TO BE BETTER THAN THAT BOOK. |
| 68 | OOH! LIKE A CROSSBOW! |
| 69 | YEAH. ONCE AGAIN, I AM SORRY. |
| 70 | THANK YOU. BYE. |
| 71 | I JUST HAD TO TURN DOWN A JOB |
| 72 | CATERING A FUNERAL FOR 60 PEOPLE. |
| 73 | ( gasping ): OH, MY GOD! |
| 74 | WHAT HAPPENED? 60 GUESTS. |
| 75 | SO, UH, WHY'D YOU HAVE TO TURN IT DOWN? |
| 76 | BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE THE MONEY OR EQUIPMENT |
| 77 | TO HANDLE SOMETHING THAT BIG ON SUCH SHORT NOTICE. |
| 78 | THERE'S NO WAY. |
| 79 | WHAT IS WITH ALL THE NEGATIVITY? |
| 80 | YOU SOUND LIKE "MONI CAN'T", NOT "MONI CAN." |
| 81 | "MONI CA." |
| 82 | YOU HAVE BEEN PLAYING AROUND WITH CATERING FOR OVER THREE YEARS. |
| 83 | DO YOU WANT TO BE A CATERER OR NOT? |
| 84 | I DON'T KNOW. |
| 85 | THERE YOU GO! THAT'S THE SPIRIT! |
| 86 | NOW IF YOU NEED MONEY I WILL LEND YOU MONEY. |
| 87 | BUT JUST GET MOVING! |
| 88 | REALLY? I NEED $500 FOR FOOD AND SUPPLIES AND STUFF. |
| 89 | IT'S WORTH IT IF IT'LL GET YOU MOVING. |
| 90 | YOU HAVEN'T WORKED IN MONTHS. |
| 91 | YOU'RE NOT WORKING, EITHER. |
| 92 | YES, BUT I'M DOING THIS. |
| 93 | THAT'D BE GREAT. THANK YOU. |
| 94 | HEY. |
| 95 | HEY! HEY. |
| 96 | CAN I BORROW THE KEYS TO YOUR APARTMENT? |
| 97 | WHY? ( chuckling ) |
| 98 | YOU CAN PEE HERE! |
| 99 | ( chuckling nervously ) |
| 100 | YES, I CAN. OF COURSE. |
| 101 | IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME. IT'S OKAY. |
| 102 | THE DUCK'S USING OUR BATHROOM ANYWAY. |
| 103 | HEY, JOE WHAT ARE YOU GETTING KATHY FOR HER BIRTHDAY? |
| 104 | WE'VE ONLY GONE OUT A COUPLE OF WEEKS. |
| 105 | YOU THINK I'M GETTING HER SOMETHING? |
| 106 | YES, YOU HAVE TO GET HER SOMETHING REALLY NICE. |
| 107 | OH! I KNOW. |
| 108 | AND NOT ONE OF YOUR COUPONS |
| 109 | FOR AN HOUR OF "JOEY LOVE." |
| 110 | OOH! A CROSSWORD! CAN I HELP? |
| 111 | NO! I'M SORRY, HONEY. |
| 112 | LAST WEEK, I GOT ALL BUT THREE ANSWERS. |
| 113 | I WANT TO FINISH ONE WITHOUT HELP. |
| 114 | FINE. |
| 115 | BUT YOU CAN'T HELP ME DEVELOP MY NEW UNIVERSAL LANGUAGE. |
| 116 | HEY. HOW'D IT GO? |
| 117 | OH, MY GOD! IT WAS THE BEST FUNERAL EVER! |
| 118 | EVERYONE LOVED THE FOOD, AND GUESS WHAT? |
| 119 | I GOT ANOTHER FUNERAL TOMORROW-- |
| 120 | THE DEAD GUY FROM TODAY'S BEST FRIEND. |
| 121 | IT IS LIKE I AM THE OFFICIAL CATERER |
| 122 | FOR THAT ACCIDENT. |
| 123 | GOD, I'M SO HAPPY FOR YOU! |
| 124 | OH, THANKS. CHECK OUT MY NEW CATERING STUFF. |
| 125 | ( gasping ) LOOK! I'M AN OMELET STATION! |
| 126 | "OMELET, MADE TO ORDER." |
| 127 | ( laughing ): I'LL HAVE ONE, PLEASE. |
| 128 | PLUS MY MONEY. |
| 129 | OH. |
| 130 | I DIDN'T REALIZE YOU NEEDED IT BACK RIGHT AWAY. |
| 131 | YOU TOLD ME TO GO BE A CATERER. |
| 132 | SO I WENT, I BE'D. |
| 133 | I USED IT TO BUY ALL THIS STUFF. |
| 134 | I GOT ANOTHER JOB TOMORROW. |
| 135 | I'LL PAY YOU BACK WITH THE MONEY FROM THAT. |
| 136 | OH! OKAY. |
| 137 | OOH, SORRY I ACTED LIKE A BANK. |
| 138 | HMM... UM... |
| 139 | WOULD YOU LIKE TO COME IN? |
| 140 | DID HOMO ERECTUS HUNT WITH WOODEN TOOLS? |
| 141 | ACCORDING TO RECENT FINDINGS. |
| 142 | ( both laughing ) |
| 143 | ( snorting ) |
| 144 | HERE, MITZI! HERE, MITZI. |
| 145 | UH... |
| 146 | MITZI IS...? |
| 147 | MY HAMSTER. |
| 148 | I HOPE SHE'S OKAY. I HAVEN'T SEEN HER IN A WHILE. |
| 149 | HAVE A SEAT. |
| 150 | ( no audio ) |
| 151 | UH... OH, HEY! DO YOU, UH... |
| 152 | ( crunching ) |
| 153 | DO YOU HAVE ANY, UM... CINNAMON FRUIT TOASTIES? |
| 154 | WHAT? WELL, I DO. |
| 155 | WHY DON'T WE GO BACK TO MY PLACE |
| 156 | LIGHT A COUPLE OF CANDLES |
| 157 | BREAK OPEN A BOX OF CINNAMON FRUIT TOASTIES. |
| 158 | I'D RATHER NOT. OH, YEAH? |
| 159 | WHY NOT? OKAY, UM... |
| 160 | DON'T TAKE THIS THE WRONG WAY? |
| 161 | BUT YOUR PLACE KIND OF HAS A WEIRD SMELL. |
| 162 | IS EVERYTHING IN THE CAR? YEP. |
| 163 | DID YOU SETTLE THE BILL? NO. |
| 164 | I HATE THIS PART. |
| 165 | ( gasping ): OH! LOOK WHAT WE ALMOST LEFT! |
| 166 | THAT'S NOT MINE. OH, ALL RIGHT. |
| 167 | OOH! LOOK WHAT WE ALMOST TOOK! |
| 168 | EXCUSE ME, MISS BURKART. |
| 169 | WELL, WE'RE ALL CLEANED UP IN THE KITCHEN. |
| 170 | OH, GOOD. |
| 171 | THANK YOU. |
| 172 | UM... ( clears throat ) |
| 173 | AND, WELL, THERE'S JUST... |
| 174 | THE SMALL MATTER OF THE, UM... |
| 175 | DEAR? |
| 176 | JUST THE MATTER OF... THE PAYMENT? |
| 177 | JACK USED TO HANDLE THE FINANCES. |
| 178 | ( sobbing ) |
| 179 | ( sighing ) |
| 180 | YOU KNOW WHAT WE SHOULD ALL DO? |
| 181 | GO SEE A MUSICAL. |
| 182 | SURE. |
| 183 | AND YOU KNOW WHICH ONE WE SHOULD SEE? |
| 184 | THE 1996 TONY AWARD WINNER. |
| 185 | DO YOU HAPPEN TO KNOW THE NAME OF THAT ONE? |
| 186 | I DON'T KNOW, UH... |
| 187 | GREASE? |
| 188 | NO. |
| 189 | RENT? |
| 190 | YES! |
| 191 | RENT. |
| 192 | OKAY, SO WHEN DO YOU WANT TO GO? |
| 193 | WHAT? OH, I'M SORRY, I CAN'T. I'M BUSY. |
| 194 | HEY. HEY. |
| 195 | MAN, IT IS SO HARD TO SHOP FOR GIRLS. |
| 196 | ( groaning ) |
| 197 | YES, IT IS-- AT "OFFICE MAX." |
| 198 | WHAT DID YOU GET HER? |
| 199 | A PEN. |
| 200 | IT'S TWO GIFTS IN ONE. IT'S A PEN THAT'S ALSO A CLOCK, HUH? |
| 201 | HA-HA! YOU CAN'T GIVE HER THAT. |
| 202 | WHY NOT? BECAUSE SHE'S NOT 11! |
| 203 | AND IT'S NOT THE SEVENTH NIGHT OF CHANUKAH! |
| 204 | HONEY, WHAT HE MEANS IS, WHILE THIS IS A VERY NICE GIFT |
| 205 | MAYBE IT'S JUST NOT SOMETHING A BOYFRIEND GIVES? |
| 206 | SURE, IT IS. |
| 207 | SHE NEEDS A PEN FOR WORK |
| 208 | SHE'S WRITING, SHE TURNS IT OVER-- |
| 209 | "WHOA! IT'S TIME FOR MY DATE WITH JOEY!" |
| 210 | LOOK, WHAT DID YOU GET FOR ANGELA DELVECCHIO |
| 211 | FOR HER BIRTHDAY? |
| 212 | SHE DIDN'T HAVE A BIRTHDAY WHILE WE WERE GOING OUT. |
| 213 | FOR THREE YEARS? |
| 214 | WELL, LOOK, IT'S TOO LATE, AND I GOT AN AUDITION. |
| 215 | ( whining ): I CAN'T SHOP ANYMORE! |
| 216 | ALL RIGHT, I WILL GO OUT |
| 217 | AND I WILL TRY TO FIND SOMETHING FOR HER, OKAY? |
| 218 | THANKS, MAN. |
| 219 | OH, WHILE YOU'RE AT IT, COULD YOU GET HER A CARD? |
| 220 | WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO WRITE HER A LITTLE POEM, AS WELL? |
| 221 | OR JUST GET A CARD THAT HAS A POEM ALREADY IN IT. |
| 222 | YOU HAVE TO GET OUR MONEY! |
| 223 | PHEEBS, SHE COULDN'T STOP CRYING. |
| 224 | WITH THOSE THICK GLASSES, HER TEARS LOOKED GIANT. |
| 225 | I KNOW IT'S TOUGH. |
| 226 | YOU KNOW THE FIRST THING I DID AFTER MY MOTHER'S FUNERAL? |
| 227 | WHAT? PAY THE CATERER. |
| 228 | LOOK, I'VE HAD A LOT OF JOBS |
| 229 | AND THERE ARE SOME PEOPLE WHO JUST ALWAYS TRY TO GET OUT OF PAYING. |
| 230 | IT'S EITHER, "THAT MASSAGE WASN'T LONG ENOUGH" |
| 231 | OR, "I DON'T RECOGNIZE ANY OF THOSE SONGS" |
| 232 | OR, "THESE SOMBREROS AREN'T BIG ENOUGH. |
| 233 | BAD LITTLE WHITE GIRL." |
| 234 | OKAY. |
| 235 | SO YOU-YOU THINK SHE'S FAKING? |
| 236 | IT SEEMS LIKE THERE WEREN'T ANY TEARS TILL YOU SHOWED HER THE BILL. |
| 237 | SHE SOUNDED PRETTY UPSET TO ME. |
| 238 | ♪ YOU'RE A GRAND OLD FLAG ♪ |
| 239 | ♪ YOU'RE A HIGH-FLYIN' FLAG ♪ |
| 240 | ♪ AND FOREVER IN PEACE MAY YOU WAVE... ♪ |
| 241 | SHE SEEMS FINE NOW. |
| 242 | ♪ THE LAND I LOVE ♪ |
| 243 | ♪ THE HOME OF... ♪ |
| 244 | SO YOU JUST LEFT? |
| 245 | HER PLACE WAS REALLY THAT BAD? |
| 246 | YOU KNOW HOW YOU THROW YOUR JACKET ON A CHAIR |
| 247 | AT THE END OF THE DAY? |
| 248 | LIKE THAT, ONLY INSTEAD OF A CHAIR |
| 249 | IT'S A PILE OF GARBAGE. |
| 250 | AND INSTEAD OF A JACKET, IT'S A PILE OF GARBAGE. |
| 251 | AND INSTEAD OF THE END OF THE DAY IT'S THE END OF TIME |
| 252 | AND GARBAGE IS ALL THAT HAS SURVIVED. |
| 253 | HERE. |
| 254 | WOW. THANKS. |
| 255 | SO, UH, WHAT HAPPENED? |
| 256 | NOTHING HAPPENED. I HAD TO GET OUT OF THERE. |
| 257 | ALL RIGHT. NEXT TIME, YOU TAKE HER TO YOUR PLACE. |
| 258 | NO. I TRIED THAT. SHE SAYS IT HAS A WEIRD SMELL. |
| 259 | WHAT KIND OF SMELL? |
| 260 | I DON'T KNOW-- SOAP?! |
| 261 | ALL RIGHT. LISTEN, ROSS. YOU LIKE THIS GIRL, RIGHT? |
| 262 | YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN? YEAH. |
| 263 | SO YOU'LL HAVE TO DO IT IN THE MESS! |
| 264 | YEAH, OKAY. YOU'RE RIGHT. YEAH. |
| 265 | I MEAN, UH, WHO CARES ABOUT A LITTLE SLOPPINESS? |
| 266 | YEAH. IT'S, UH... |
| 267 | IT'S ENDEARING, REALLY. ALL RIGHT. |
| 268 | NOW, YOU GO GET THAT BEAUTIFUL PIG. |
| 269 | ( snorts like pig ) |
| 270 | OKAY, ALL RIGHT. |
| 271 | I JUST SPENT THE ENTIRE AFTERNOON |
| 272 | LOOKING FOR A PRESENT FOR KATHY |
| 273 | THAT WOULD BE BETTER THAN THE RABBIT. |
| 274 | ANY LUCK? OH, YEAH. |
| 275 | I FOUND THIS GREAT PLACE CALLED "INVISIBLE THINGS FOR KATHY." |
| 276 | CAN YOU GIVE ME A HAND WITH ALL THIS STUFF? |
| 277 | ALL RIGHT, LOOK. |
| 278 | WHY DON'T YOU JUST RETURN THE BOOK |
| 279 | LET JOEY GIVE HER THE CLOCK PEN AND YOU GET HER SOMETHING |
| 280 | WORSE THAN THAT LIKE... A REGULAR PEN. |
| 281 | SHE'S REALLY GOING TO LOVE THIS, YOU KNOW? |
| 282 | THE BOTTOM LINE IS I WANT HER TO HAVE IT |
| 283 | EVEN IF I DON'T GET TO BE THE ONE |
| 284 | WHO GIVES IT TO HER. |
| 285 | OH, HONEY, THAT'S SO SWEET. |
| 286 | YEAH? YOU DON'T THINK IT'S JUST PATHETIC? |
| 287 | OOH! PATHETIC. |
| 288 | HEY! I'M MEETING KATHY IN TEN MINUTES. |
| 289 | I BEEN LOOKING ALL OVER FOR YOU. WHERE? |
| 290 | OUR PLACE, THE HALL! I... |
| 291 | I GOT SOMETHING FOR HER. |
| 292 | IT'S A BOOK. |
| 293 | A BOOK? |
| 294 | ( gasps ) |
| 295 | IS IT, LIKE, A BOOK THAT'S ALSO A SAFE? |
| 296 | IT'S A BOOK; JUST A BOOK. |
| 297 | IT'S AN EARLY EDITION OF THE VELVETEEN RABBIT. |
| 298 | IT WAS HER FAVORITE BOOK AS A KID. |
| 299 | SO, UH, JUST LET ME KNOW IF SHE LIKES IT, OKAY? |
| 300 | OH, YOU GOT IT. THANKS, MAN. |
| 301 | THANKS FOR DOING THIS. I OWE YOU ONE. |
| 302 | HEY! THERE WASN'T CHANGE FROM THAT 20, WAS THERE? |
| 303 | NO. IT CAME OUT TO AN EVEN 20. |
| 304 | WOW. THAT'S ALMOST AS MUCH AS A NEW BOOK. |
| 305 | ( brisk piano ) |
| 306 | ♪ JEEPERS, CREEPERS ♪ |
| 307 | ♪ WHERE'D YOU GET THOSE PEEPERS? ♪ |
| 308 | ♪ JEEPERS, CREEPERS... ♪ |
| 309 | YOU DIDN'T GET THE MONEY, DID YOU? |
| 310 | MAYBE I CAN TRY AT INTERMISSION? |
| 311 | OH, PHOEBE, COME ON. LET'S JUST GO. |
| 312 | NO! HEY, WE'RE NOT LEAVING TILL WE GET PAID. |
| 313 | WHO DOES SHE THINK SHE IS? |
| 314 | ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. |
| 315 | HEY, WIDOW. |
| 316 | ♪ COME ON ALONG AND LISTEN TO ♪ WIDOW? |
| 317 | ♪ THE LULLABY OF... ♪ EXCUSE ME. EXCUSE ME! |
| 318 | THANKS. |
| 319 | UM, CLEARLY, THIS IS A VERY, VERY HARD TIME FOR YOU |
| 320 | UM, BUT WE PROVIDED A SERVICE AND WE DESERVE TO BE PAID |
| 321 | BECAUSE YOU ATE THAT SERVICE |
| 322 | AND, UM, WE ARE NOT LEAVING HERE |
| 323 | UNTIL WE ARE PAID EVERY PENNY, 'CAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT, LADY? |
| 324 | WE'RE PART-TIME CATERERS AND WE HAVE NO PLACE ELSE TO GO. |
| 325 | OH, ALL RIGHT. |
| 326 | I'LL GET MY BAG. GOOD. |
| 327 | I'M GOING TO LEAVE SOME CARDS HERE. |
| 328 | PLEASE THINK OF US FOR YOUR NEXT EVENT. |
| 329 | SO YOU WANT TO COME INSIDE? |
| 330 | ( hesitantly ): YES. |
| 331 | ( firmly ): YES, I DO. |
| 332 | I'LL BE RIGHT BACK. MAKE YOURSELF COMFORTABLE. |
| 333 | GUESS WHO? |
| 334 | UH... DEPARTMENT OF SANITATION? |
| 335 | IT'S ME. |
| 336 | OH. OH. |
| 337 | OH! |
| 338 | WHAT? |
| 339 | OH, CHERYL! |
| 340 | OH, ROSS! |
| 341 | OH! OH! |
| 342 | ( wails ) |
| 343 | OH... GOD. |
| 344 | ( rustling ) |
| 345 | ( yells ) |
| 346 | OH, NO! NO! NO, NO, NO! |
| 347 | IT'S MY... IT'S MY HAMSTER! IT'S MITZI! |
| 348 | OH, MY GOD. I'M SO SORRY. I MUST HAVE FREAKED OUT. |
| 349 | OH, THANK GOD, IT'S NOT MITZI. |
| 350 | ( sighs ) IT'S JUST A RAT. |
| 351 | I DID IT. |
| 352 | OH! I FINISHED IT! |
| 353 | I DID IT ALL BY MYSELF! |
| 354 | AND THERE'S NOBODY TO HUG. |
| 355 | ( clattering ) MOVE! |
| 356 | HEY. HEY, YOU GUYS! |
| 357 | I FINISHED THE CROSSWORD BY MYSELF. HUG ME. |
| 358 | YAY! THAT'S SO GOOD. |
| 359 | CONGRATULATIONS. |
| 360 | THANK YOU. |
| 361 | HOW'D THE CATERING GO? |
| 362 | OH, IT WAS GREAT. THE WIDOW WOULDN'T PAY |
| 363 | SO PHOEBE YELLED AT HER TILL SHE DID. |
| 364 | YEAH. I'M A HARD-ASS. |
| 365 | AND I'M A WUSS. AND WE SHOULD BE PARTNERS. |
| 366 | YEAH-- HARDASS AND WUSS. WE COULD FIGHT CRIME. |
| 367 | WAIT A MINUTE, PHOEBE. |
| 368 | WE SHOULD BE PARTNERS. |
| 369 | WE SHOULD BE CATERING PARTNERS. |
| 370 | THINK ABOUT IT. YOU'RE NOT WORKING RIGHT NOW |
| 371 | AND WE HAVE SUCH A GREAT TIME TOGETHER. |
| 372 | OKAY. I COOK, YOU TAKE CARE OF THE MONEY. |
| 373 | OH! IT'LL BE LIKE I HAVE A WIFE IN THE '50s. |
| 374 | ( both screaming ) |
| 375 | HEY. |
| 376 | HEY. HOW'D IT GO? HOW'D SHE LIKE THE GIFT? |
| 377 | MAN, SHE LOVED IT. |
| 378 | SHE'S SHOWING MONICA AND RACHEL NOW. |
| 379 | OH, YEAH? THAT'S GREAT. |
| 380 | LISTEN. I GOT TO TELL YOU. |
| 381 | I FEEL KIND OF BAD TAKING CREDIT FOR THIS |
| 382 | BECAUSE, MAN, AM I GOING TO GET |
| 383 | A LOT OF CREDIT FOR THIS. |
| 384 | ( both chuckle ) |
| 385 | HEY. |
| 386 | HEY. |
| 387 | HEY. HAPPY BIRTHDAY. |
| 388 | THANK YOU. |
| 389 | YOU KNOW, UH, CHANDLER GOT YOU A GIFT, TOO. |
| 390 | NO, HE DIDN'T. |
| 391 | YEAH, HE DID. LOOK. |
| 392 | IT'S RIGHT THERE ON THE COUNTER. HO-HO-HO! |
| 393 | HAPPY BIRTHDAY. |
| 394 | I'M SORRY. |
| 395 | YOU REALLY DIDN'T HAVE TO. |
| 396 | WOW. |
| 397 | SEE, YOU THINK IT'S JUST A PEN |
| 398 | BUT THEN YOU TURN IT OVER AND IT'S ALSO A CLOCK. |
| 399 | YEAH. |
| 400 | NO. THIS IS GREAT. |
| 401 | THANK YOU, CHANDLER. |
| 402 | OH. Y-YEAH. |
| 403 | AH. |
| 404 | WANT TO GO TO BED? |
| 405 | I'LL BE IN IN A MINUTE. |
| 406 | OKAY. |
| 407 | OH, UH, DON'T FORGET YOUR COUPON. |
| 408 | GOOD NIGHT. |
| 409 | UM, THANK YOU FOR THE GIFT. |
| 410 | OH, UH, YEAH. |
| 411 | I JUST KNEW THAT SOMETIMES WHEN YOU'RE WRITING |
| 412 | YOU-YOU DON'T ALWAYS KNOW THE EXACT TIME. |
| 413 | NO. I DIDN'T MEAN THE PEN. |
| 414 | THANK YOU FOR THE BOOK. |
| 415 | UH, THE BOOK? |
| 416 | THE VELVETEEN RABBIT? |
| 417 | I HAVE THE FEELING YOU HAD SOMETHING TO DO WITH IT. |
| 418 | WHAT DO YOU MEAN? |
| 419 | WELL, WHEN JOEY GAVE IT TO ME |
| 420 | HE SAID, "THIS IS 'CAUSE I KNOW YOU LIKE RABBITS |
| 421 | AND I KNOW YOU LIKE CHEESE." ( sighs ) |
| 422 | THANKS. I LOVE IT. |
| 423 | AND I KNOW HOW HARD IT MUST HAVE BEEN FOR YOU TO FIND. |
| 424 | ( mutters ): OH, WELL. |
| 425 | BY THE WAY, IN CASE YOU MISSED THAT, THAT SOUND WAS: |
| 426 | ( mutters ): OH, WELL. |
| 427 | YOU MUST REALLY LIKE JOEY |
| 428 | TO GO TO ALL THAT TROUBLE FOR HIM. |
| 429 | OH, YEAH! HE'S MY... |
| 430 | HE'S MY BEST FRIEND. |
| 431 | OH, WELL. |
| 432 | GOOD NIGHT. |
| 433 | HEY, THAT COUPON EXPIRES, YOU KNOW. |
| 434 | ( both giggle ) |
| 435 | ( knocking ) |
| 436 | HI. UH, YOU DON'T KNOW ME. |
| 437 | I'M MONICA GELLER, ROSS'S SISTER. |
| 438 | OH, YEAH. YOU KNOW, IT'S TOO BAD THAT DIDN'T WORK OUT. |
| 439 | YEAH. ANYWAY, HE TOLD ME ABOUT YOUR APARTMENT |
| 440 | AND, UM, WELL... I COULDN'T SLEEP THINKING ABOUT IT. |
| 441 | SO, UH, WOULD IT BE OKAY IF I CLEANED IT? |
| 442 | NO? |
| 443 | |
| 1 | I JUST WALKED IN THE BATHROOM |
| 2 | AND SAW KATHY NAKED. |
| 3 | IT WAS LIKE TORTURE. |
| 4 | YOU KNOW, IF WE EVER GO TO WAR AND YOU'RE CAPTURED |
| 5 | YOU'RE IN FOR A BIG SURPRISE. |
| 6 | IT JUST KEEPS GETTING WORSE. |
| 7 | IT'S BAD ENOUGH THAT I'M IN LOVE WITH MY ROOMMATE'S GIRLFRIEND |
| 8 | WHICH I THINK |
| 9 | SHE KNOWS. |
| 10 | EVERY TIME WE'RE IN THE SAME ROOM TOGETHER |
| 11 | THERE'S THIS WEIRD ENERGY BETWEEN US. |
| 12 | AND CALL ME CRAZY |
| 13 | BUT I THINK SHE LIKES ME, TOO. |
| 14 | AND NOW... I HAVE SEEN HER NAKED. |
| 15 | AT LEAST, WHEN I'D SEEN HER WITH CLOTHES ON |
| 16 | I COULD IMAGINE THAT HER BODY |
| 17 | WAS COVERED IN BOILS |
| 18 | OR SOMETHING. |
| 19 | BUT THERE ARE NO BOILS. |
| 20 | SHE'S SMOOTH. |
| 21 | SMOOTH! |
| 22 | WOW. |
| 23 | COULD EVERYONE SEE UP HIS ROBE? |
| 24 | YEAH, RIGHT UP IT. OH, MY GOD! |
| 25 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 26 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 27 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 28 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 29 | ♪ WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY ♪ |
| 30 | ♪ YOUR WEEK, YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 31 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 32 | ♪ WHEN THE RAIN STARTS TO POUR ♪ |
| 33 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 34 | ♪ LIKE I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE ♪ |
| 35 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 36 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME, TOO. ♪ |
| 37 | GREAT. ALL RIGHT. |
| 38 | SO I'LL CALL YOU LATER. |
| 39 | HEY, HEY, HEY. |
| 40 | WHO WAS THAT? |
| 41 | THAT WOULD BE CACEY. |
| 42 | WE'RE GOING OUT TONIGHT. |
| 43 | GOING OUT, HUH? |
| 44 | WOW! WOW! |
| 45 | SO, THINGS DIDN'T WORK OUT WITH KATHY, HUH? |
| 46 | BUMMER. |
| 47 | NO, THINGS ARE FINE WITH KATHY. |
| 48 | I'M HAVING A LATE DINNER WITH HER TONIGHT |
| 49 | RIGHT AFTER MY EARLY DINNER |
| 50 | WITH CACEY. |
| 51 | WHAT? |
| 52 | AND THE CRAZIEST THING IS I JUST ATE A WHOLE PIZZA |
| 53 | MYSELF. |
| 54 | BUT... |
| 55 | YOU'RE GOING OUT WITH KATHY. |
| 56 | YEAH. |
| 57 | WHY ARE YOU UPSET? |
| 58 | WELL, I'M UPSET... |
| 59 | FOR YOU. |
| 60 | YOU KNOW, I MEAN |
| 61 | HAVING SEX WITH AN ENDLESS LINE OF BEAUTIFUL WOMEN |
| 62 | MUST BE VERY UNFULFILLING |
| 63 | FOR YOU. |
| 64 | WHAT IS THE BIG DEAL? |
| 65 | IT'S NOT LIKE WE'RE EXCLUSIVE. |
| 66 | LOOK, JOEY |
| 67 | KATHY IS CLEARLY NOT FULFILLING YOUR EMOTIONAL NEEDS |
| 68 | BUT CACEY... |
| 69 | I MEAN, GRANTED, I JUST SAW THE BACK OF HER HEAD |
| 70 | BUT I GOT THIS SENSE THAT SHE'S SMART |
| 71 | AND FUNNY AND GETS YOU. |
| 72 | YOU GOT ALL THAT FROM THE BACK OF HER HEAD? |
| 73 | I JUST THINK IT'S TIME FOR YOU TO SETTLE DOWN-- |
| 74 | YOU KNOW, MAKE A CHOICE, PICK A LANE. |
| 75 | WHO'S ELAINE? |
| 76 | ♪ LITTLE TINY TARZAN ♪ |
| 77 | ♪ SWINGING ON A NOSE HAIR ♪ |
| 78 | ♪ SWINGING WITH THE GREATEST OF EASE... ♪ |
| 79 | ( clears throat, hums melody) |
| 80 | DARN IT. I DON'T KNOW HOW TO GET TO THE NEXT VERSE. |
| 81 | YOU COULD JUST GO, UH... |
| 82 | ♪ GREATEST OF EASE ♪ |
| 83 | ♪ BUM-A-NUMMA-NUMMA... ♪ |
| 84 | AND THEN GO RIGHT INTO IT. |
| 85 | YEAH. |
| 86 | OOH, I LIKE THAT. |
| 87 | WAIT. HOW DO YOU KNOW ABOUT "BUM-A-NUMMA-NUMMAS"? |
| 88 | WELL, UH... |
| 89 | YOU KNOW, I USED TO PLAY. |
| 90 | OH, YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT. |
| 91 | THE KEYBOARDS, HUH? |
| 92 | YEAH. JUST A LITTLE IN HIGH SCHOOL. |
| 93 | I REALLY GOT INTO IT IN COLLEGE. |
| 94 | THAT'S WHEN I REALLY FOUND MY SOUND. |
| 95 | ( chokes, laughs ) |
| 96 | OH, GOD. ORANGE JUICE JUST CAME OUT OF MY NOSE |
| 97 | BUT IT WAS TOTALLY WORTH IT. |
| 98 | OH, MY GOD! |
| 99 | I COMPLETELY FORGOT ABOUT YOUR SOUND. |
| 100 | YEAH. |
| 101 | HE USED TO LOCK HIMSELF IN THE BASEMENT FOR HOURS. |
| 102 | NO ONE WAS EVER ALLOWED TO HEAR "THE SOUND." |
| 103 | I WANT TO HEAR "THE SOUND." |
| 104 | NO. I MEAN... |
| 105 | NO, I HAVEN'T PLAYED IN SO LONG |
| 106 | AND, AND... |
| 107 | WELL, IT'S REALLY PERSONAL STUFF, YOU KNOW? |
| 108 | COME ON. PLAY THAT FUNKY MUSIC, WHITE BOY. |
| 109 | YEAH, COME ON. |
| 110 | NO, YOU GUYS. |
| 111 | MY KEYBOARDS ARE ALL THE WAY... YEAH, OKAY. |
| 112 | OKAY, GUYS. |
| 113 | ALL RIGHT, BRING IT ON, YOU. |
| 114 | ( clears throat ) |
| 115 | HERE WE GO. |
| 116 | ( inhales ) |
| 117 | ( single note ) |
| 118 | YOU KNOW, I'VE NEVER PLAYED MY STUFF |
| 119 | FOR ANYONE BEFORE |
| 120 | SO IT'S IMPORTANT THAT YOU UNDERSTAND |
| 121 | IT'S ABOUT COMMUNICATING... |
| 122 | VERY PRIVATE EMOTIONS. |
| 123 | YOU KNOW, UM... |
| 124 | YOU SHOULD THINK OF, UM... |
| 125 | MY WORK |
| 126 | AS WORDLESS SOUND POEMS. |
| 127 | THAT'S WHAT... |
| 128 | OH, MY GOD. PLAY! |
| 129 | ( boogie woogie accompaniment) |
| 130 | ( dog barking ) |
| 131 | ( cow mooing ) |
| 132 | ( rooster crows, dog barks ) |
| 133 | ( buzzing ) |
| 134 | ( doorbell ringing ) |
| 135 | ( laser zapping ) |
| 136 | ( rattling ) |
| 137 | ( explosion ) |
| 138 | BOY, YOU KNOW, TH-THAT WAS, UH... |
| 139 | TERRIFIC. |
| 140 | REALLY... |
| 141 | BITCHIN'. |
| 142 | WOW! |
| 143 | IT WAS SO... WOW! |
| 144 | REALLY? I MEAN, REALLY? |
| 145 | OH, YEAH! |
| 146 | I MEAN, YOU SHOULD... PLAY IN PUBLIC. |
| 147 | WOW! THANKS, YOU GUYS! |
| 148 | THAT'S, OH... |
| 149 | OH, I WANT TO PLAY YOU ANOTHER PIECE. |
| 150 | UM... OH! |
| 151 | I LEFT MY HELICOPTER SOUNDS ON ANOTHER DISK. |
| 152 | I'LL BE RIGHT BACK, OKAY? |
| 153 | OH, THIS IS... |
| 154 | THIS IS SO NICE. |
| 155 | I MEAN, I AM SO... |
| 156 | OH, GOD BLESS MY DAD FOR SOUNDPROOFING THE BASEMENT. |
| 157 | I CAN'T BELIEVE I EVER LET HIM TOUCH ME WITH THOSE FINGERS. |
| 158 | WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? |
| 159 | I LOVED IT! |
| 160 | IT WAS SO MOVING. |
| 161 | PLUS, IT'S SO DIFFERENT |
| 162 | FROM THE STUFF YOU USUALLY HEAR. |
| 163 | YOU MEAN MUSIC? |
| 164 | ( quacking ) |
| 165 | YEAH, I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING. |
| 166 | YES, YES. YOUR BREASTS ARE JUST AS FIRM AND JUICY. |
| 167 | ( knocking ) |
| 168 | COME IN. |
| 169 | HEY. |
| 170 | OH, GOD. IS THAT BAYWATCH? |
| 171 | UH, YES, BUT, UH, I JUST WATCH IT FOR THE ARTICLES. |
| 172 | SO, IS JOEY AROUND? |
| 173 | NO. HE'S NOT BACK YET, BUT HE'S GOING TO BE HERE ANY MINUTE. |
| 174 | HAVE A SEAT. BOW OR STERN? |
| 175 | I DON'T REALLY HAVE A PREFERENCE. YOU? |
| 176 | WELL, I LIKE IT IN THE STERN. |
| 177 | OF THE BOAT. |
| 178 | ( phone rings ) |
| 179 | HELLO. |
| 180 | HEY, IT'S ME. |
| 181 | LISTEN, CACEY AND I HAD A LITTLE CAR TROUBLE. |
| 182 | WHAT HAPPENED? |
| 183 | We broke down |
| 184 | ON THE PARKWAY. |
| 185 | I HAVE TO GET SOME TRANSMISSION FLUID. |
| 186 | COULD YOU PLEASE TELL KATHY I'M SORRY AND I'LL BE THERE SOON? |
| 187 | WHY CAN'T YOU TELL HER? |
| 188 | 'Cause I only have one quarter and my time is about to... |
| 189 | JOEY? JOEY? |
| 190 | YEAH? |
| 191 | I THOUGHT YOUR TIME RAN OUT. |
| 192 | ME, TOO, BUT I GUESS I DO HAVE A COUPLE OF... |
| 193 | UH, THAT WAS JOEY. |
| 194 | HE'S RUNNING A LITTLE LATE AND HE SAYS HE'S SORRY. |
| 195 | SO I GUESS IT'S JUST YOU AND ME, THEN. |
| 196 | OH. OKAY. |
| 197 | YEAH. I THINK IT IS. |
| 198 | SO, WHAT DID YOU DO TODAY? |
| 199 | I HAD AN APPOINTMENT TO GET MY HAIR CUT... |
| 200 | IT LOOKS GREAT. |
| 201 | AND THEN IT GOT CANCELED. |
| 202 | WELL, I COULD CUT IT. |
| 203 | REALLY? DO YOU DO THAT? |
| 204 | YEAH, I DO. |
| 205 | I LEARNED IT IN MY AUNT'S DOG-GROOMING SHOP |
| 206 | BUT WHAT DO YOU SAY? |
| 207 | DOG-GROOMING, HUH? |
| 208 | OKAY, JUST DON'T MAKE MY TAIL TOO POOFY. |
| 209 | YOU HAVE REALLY GREAT HAIR. |
| 210 | WELL, THANKS. |
| 211 | I GROW IT MYSELF. |
| 212 | MMM! |
| 213 | MMM! |
| 214 | MMM... |
| 215 | YOU KNOW WHO ALSO HAS GREAT HAIR IS JOEY. |
| 216 | YES. YEAH, JOEY HAS GREAT HAIR. |
| 217 | UM, I'M BASICALLY DONE HERE. |
| 218 | LET ME JUST GET THIS HAIR OFF YOUR NECK. |
| 219 | WH-WHAT'RE YOU DOING? |
| 220 | CHECKING TO SEE IF IT'S EVEN. |
| 221 | 'KAY. |
| 222 | IT LOOKS GOOD. |
| 223 | ( phone ringing ) |
| 224 | IT'S THE PHONE! |
| 225 | THE PHONE'S MAKING SOUNDS! |
| 226 | HELLO. |
| 227 | HEY, DUDE, IT'S ME. |
| 228 | HEY, IT'S JOEY. |
| 229 | OH. |
| 230 | WE'RE GOING TO BE STUCK HERE FOR A WHILE. |
| 231 | I GOT THE TRANSMISSION FLUID, WENT TO PUT IT IN THE CAR-- |
| 232 | THE TRANSMISSION WASN'T THERE. |
| 233 | WHAT? |
| 234 | It must've fallen out |
| 235 | A FEW BLOCKS BACK. |
| 236 | I FIGURED WE HIT A DOG. |
| 237 | OH. OKAY. |
| 238 | Could you put Kathy on? |
| 239 | I want to apologize to her. |
| 240 | OH. YEAH, MAN. JOEY. |
| 241 | HEY. |
| 242 | OH, NO. IT'S FINE. |
| 243 | DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT. |
| 244 | NO, STOP APOLOGIZING. |
| 245 | IT'S OKAY. |
| 246 | YEAH. I'LL TALK TO YOU TOMORROW. |
| 247 | I SHOULD, UH, PROBABLY GO. |
| 248 | YEAH. YES. YEAH. |
| 249 | ( knock at door ) |
| 250 | I FORGOT MY PURSE. |
| 251 | OH. |
| 252 | OH! I REALLY DID. |
| 253 | I FORGOT MY PURSE. |
| 254 | ( mumbling incoherently ) |
| 255 | OH, NO! |
| 256 | THIS IS BAD, IT'S BAD. THIS IS BAD. |
| 257 | HORRIBLE. |
| 258 | WAIT, THE, UH, THE KISS, OR THE SITUATION? |
| 259 | NO, THE KISS WAS GOOD. |
| 260 | NO, BUT THAT'S BAD! |
| 261 | OH, YES! OKAY, HERE'S WHAT WE DO. |
| 262 | WE FORGET IT HAPPENED. |
| 263 | WHAT? |
| 264 | WE SWALLOW OUR FEELINGS |
| 265 | EVEN IF IT MEANS WE'RE UNHAPPY FOREVER. |
| 266 | SOUND GOOD? |
| 267 | CAN YOU REALLY DO THAT? |
| 268 | I HAVE TO. |
| 269 | HE'S MY BEST FRIEND... |
| 270 | AND YOU'RE SEEING HIM. |
| 271 | OH, CHANDLER, I LIKE JOEY A LOT |
| 272 | BUT WITH YOU... |
| 273 | OH, NO, NO, DON'T. SEE? |
| 274 | SEE, YOU'RE GETTING ME CONFUSED. |
| 275 | I'M STARTING TO YEARN. |
| 276 | I'M SORRY. |
| 277 | IF YOU WANT TO PRETEND THAT NOTHING HAPPENED |
| 278 | I CAN TRY. |
| 279 | I-I THINK WE HAVE TO. |
| 280 | OKAY. |
| 281 | BYE. |
| 282 | BYE. |
| 283 | ( door opens and shuts ) |
| 284 | ARE YOU STILL OUT THERE? |
| 285 | NO. |
| 286 | ( shrill, abrasive synthesizer melodies ) |
| 287 | ( distorted): ELECTRIFYING... |
| 288 | INFINITE TIME... |
| 289 | ( echoing ): TIME... TIME... TIME... |
| 290 | YOU KNOW, THERE'S A STARBUCKS ABOUT THREE BLOCKS DOWN. |
| 291 | HE'S SO INSPIRED. |
| 292 | JUST LOOK AT HIM. |
| 293 | LOOK AT HIM GO. |
| 294 | ( spacy noodling ) |
| 295 | ( clock ticking ) |
| 296 | ( explosion ) |
| 297 | ( polite applause ) |
| 298 | ( distorted echo ): THANK YOU, NEW YORK... NEW YORK... NEW YORK... |
| 299 | HEY, AREN'T YOU UP NEXT? |
| 300 | OH, NO. I'M NOT PLAYING TONIGHT. |
| 301 | WHY NOT? |
| 302 | I CAN'T FOLLOW ROSS. |
| 303 | ARE YOU KIDDING? |
| 304 | THAT WOULD BE LIKE THOSE POOR BICYCLE-RIDING CHIMPS |
| 305 | WHO HAD TO FOLLOW THE BEATLES. NO. |
| 306 | PHOEBE, ROSS SUCKS. |
| 307 | PHOEBE, THE PLACE HAS EMPTIED |
| 308 | BECAUSE OF HIM. |
| 309 | OH, MY GOD, HE'S NOT EVEN APPRECIATED |
| 310 | IN HIS OWN TIME. |
| 311 | I WOULD GIVE ANYTHING |
| 312 | TO NOT BE APPRECIATED IN MY OWN TIME! |
| 313 | OKAY. UM, PHOEBE... |
| 314 | YOU SUCK, TOO. |
| 315 | YEAH, PHOEBE, YOU'RE... |
| 316 | AWFUL! |
| 317 | YOU GUYS. |
| 318 | "YEAH, YOU SUCK, TOO." |
| 319 | OH, MAN! |
| 320 | I CAN'T BELIEVE I LOCKED MYSELF OUT AGAIN! |
| 321 | HANG ON, BUDDY. |
| 322 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 323 | WHAT HAPPENED HERE? |
| 324 | DID YOU DO ALL THIS? |
| 325 | I SURE DID. |
| 326 | WHY? |
| 327 | I JUST THOUGHT IT WOULD MAKE ME FEEL GOOD |
| 328 | TO DO SOMETHING NICE FOR MY FRIEND. |
| 329 | YOU'RE AMAZING. |
| 330 | NO, NO, NO. |
| 331 | THIS IS AMAZING. |
| 332 | A TV THAT APPEARS AS IF FROM NOWHERE! |
| 333 | THAT'S THE DREAM! |
| 334 | HOW DID YOU AFFORD ALL THIS STUFF?! |
| 335 | WELL, YOU KNOW, I'M 29. |
| 336 | I MEAN, WHO NEEDS A SAVINGS ACCOUNT? |
| 337 | YOU ARE THE BEST FRIEND ANYONE HAS EVER HAD. |
| 338 | OH, I DON'T KNOW. |
| 339 | NO, NO, NO, YOU ARE. |
| 340 | YOU DO THIS, YOU GIVE ME THE GREAT ADVICE |
| 341 | AND LISTEN, I WAS THINKING ABOUT WHAT YOU SAID YESTERDAY |
| 342 | ABOUT FOCUSING ON ONE WOMAN? |
| 343 | I'M GOING TO DO THAT. |
| 344 | YOU MEAN WITH CACEY? |
| 345 | NO. I THINK I'LL SEE HOW THINGS GO WITH KATHY. |
| 346 | SHE'S PRETTY COOL. |
| 347 | OR CACEY. |
| 348 | NO, NO, KATHY. |
| 349 | COULD BE CACEY. |
| 350 | NO, NO, KATHY. |
| 351 | CONSIDER CACEY. |
| 352 | YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK? |
| 353 | I THINK SOMEBODY'S |
| 354 | GOT A LITTLE CRUSH ON CACEY. |
| 355 | HOW ABOUT I FIX YOU TWO UP? |
| 356 | WHAT DO YOU THINK? |
| 357 | THAT ALL THE PIECES OF MY LIFE |
| 358 | ARE FALLING RIGHT INTO PLACE. |
| 359 | HEY. |
| 360 | HEY, YOU WERE REALLY GREAT. |
| 361 | YOU WERE REALLY, REALLY GREAT. |
| 362 | THANKS. |
| 363 | THANKS. |
| 364 | SO, MONICA TELLS ME |
| 365 | THAT, UH, YOU DON'T WANT TO PLAY ANYMORE |
| 366 | BECAUSE OF ME |
| 367 | AND, YOU KNOW, MY TALENT. |
| 368 | IS THAT TRUE? |
| 369 | WELL... |
| 370 | KIND OF, YEAH. YEAH. |
| 371 | PHEEBS... |
| 372 | YEAH, I MEAN, YOU KNOW |
| 373 | AND I WAS TRYING TO BE REALLY, YOU KNOW, OKAY AND UPBEAT ABOUT IT |
| 374 | BUT I FEEL SO... DWARFED BY YOUR MUSICAL GIFT. |
| 375 | I... |
| 376 | SEE, BUT PHEEBS |
| 377 | THAT IS THE EXACT OPPOSITE INTENT |
| 378 | OF MY MUSIC. |
| 379 | MY MUSIC IS MEANT TO INSPIRE |
| 380 | AND IF IT BOTHERS YOU THIS MUCH |
| 381 | THEN I... |
| 382 | I WON'T PLAY ANYMORE. |
| 383 | OH, NO. |
| 384 | NO, NO, NO. DON'T DO THAT. |
| 385 | HOW COULD I LIVE WITH MYSELF |
| 386 | IF I KNEW I WAS DEPRIVING THE WORLD OF YOUR MUSIC? |
| 387 | YEAH, OKAY. |
| 388 | SAW THE NEW FURNITURE. |
| 389 | VERY NICE. |
| 390 | YEAH, JOEY HAS THE BEST BOYFRIEND EVER. |
| 391 | I KISSED KATHY. |
| 392 | MY GOD! ARE YOU SERIOUS? |
| 393 | DOES JOEY KNOW? |
| 394 | NO. |
| 395 | IS THERE ANY WAY-- |
| 396 | ANY WAY YOU THINK HE WILL UNDERSTAND THIS? |
| 397 | YOU OBVIOUSLY HAVEN'T SCREWED OVER |
| 398 | A LOT OF YOUR FRIENDS. |
| 399 | WHICH WE ALL APPRECIATE. |
| 400 | YOU KNOW, THE SAD THING IS |
| 401 | IF YOU HAD TOLD HIM HOW YOU FELT BEFORE YOU KISSED HER |
| 402 | KNOWING JOEY, HE PROBABLY JUST WOULD'VE STEPPED ASIDE. |
| 403 | OH, DON'T SAY THAT. |
| 404 | DON'T SAY THAT. |
| 405 | THAT'S NOT TRUE, IS IT? |
| 406 | YEAH. HE LOVES YOU. YEAH. |
| 407 | WELL, WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME TO DO THAT?! |
| 408 | I DON'T KNOW. |
| 409 | I-I SAID SOMETHING TO PHOEBE. |
| 410 | THAT'S RIGHT, AND I THOUGHT IT WAS A REALLY GOOD IDEA. |
| 411 | YEAH, I REMEMBER. |
| 412 | YOU DID. |
| 413 | OH, MY GOD! |
| 414 | WHAT AM I GOING TO DO? |
| 415 | WELL, CHANDLER |
| 416 | YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO TELL HIM. |
| 417 | WHY? WHY DO I HAVE TO TELL HIM? |
| 418 | BECAUSE YOU DO. |
| 419 | YEAH, I KNOW. |
| 420 | HEY. |
| 421 | WOULD IT BE OKAY IF I WROTE A SONG ABOUT THIS? |
| 422 | HEY. |
| 423 | HEY. |
| 424 | Wonder Woman: Steve...? |
| 425 | SAMBUCA MARGARITA? |
| 426 | Are you here? |
| 427 | IS THAT A REAL THING? |
| 428 | WELL, WE ONLY HAD SAMBUCA, SO IT IS NOW. |
| 429 | LISTEN, UH, JOE, I-I NEED TO-- |
| 430 | I NEED TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT SOMETHING. |
| 431 | WHAT'S UP? |
| 432 | ( clearing throat ) |
| 433 | IT'S, IT'S ABOUT KATHY. |
| 434 | UM... |
| 435 | UH... |
| 436 | I LIKE HER. |
| 437 | I LIKE HER A LOT, ACTUALLY. |
| 438 | YOU DO? |
| 439 | YEAH. |
| 440 | WELL, YOUR TIMING COULDN'T BE BETTER |
| 441 | 'CAUSE SHE'S NOT MY GIRLFRIEND ANYMORE. |
| 442 | WHAT? |
| 443 | YEAH, SHE BROKE UP WITH ME. |
| 444 | OH, UH... WHEN? |
| 445 | JUST NOW, AFTER ACTING CLASS. |
| 446 | AT FIRST, I THOUGHT SHE WAS DOING SOME KIND OF SCENE. |
| 447 | THAT'S WHY I LET PEOPLE WATCH. |
| 448 | OH... MAN, I AM SO SORRY. |
| 449 | ARE YOU, ARE-ARE YOU OKAY? |
| 450 | I'VE BEEN BETTER, YOU KNOW, BUT I'M ALL RIGHT. |
| 451 | SO, YOU LIKE HER, HUH? |
| 452 | YES, BUT I, I, I DON'T HAVE TO. |
| 453 | NO, NO, NO. |
| 454 | IT'S, UH... |
| 455 | IT'S OKAY. |
| 456 | YEAH? |
| 457 | YEAH. |
| 458 | YOU KNOW WHY? |
| 459 | 'CAUSE YOU CAME TO ME FIRST. |
| 460 | WELL, I THOUGHT THAT WOULD BE THE BEST THING TO DO. |
| 461 | BUT, HEY, LISTEN, JUST SO YOU KNOW-- |
| 462 | YOU MIGHT HAVE YOUR WORK CUT OUT FOR YOU |
| 463 | BECAUSE WHEN I TALKED TO HER |
| 464 | I KIND OF GOT THE FEELING |
| 465 | SHE'S INTO SOME OTHER GUY, SO... |
| 466 | SEE, UH, THAT'S, THAT'S ACTUALLY |
| 467 | WHAT I WANTED TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT. |
| 468 | I-I THINK I KNOW WHO THE OTHER GUY IS. |
| 469 | WHO? |
| 470 | IT'S ME. |
| 471 | I'M THE OTHER GUY. |
| 472 | WHAT? |
| 473 | YEAH, I MEAN, WHEN YOU WERE LATE LAST NIGHT |
| 474 | KATHY AND I GOT TO TALKING AND... |
| 475 | ONE THING LED TO ANOTHER AND... |
| 476 | AND WHAT? |
| 477 | DID YOU SLEEP WITH HER? |
| 478 | NO! NO, NO, I JUST KISSED HER. |
| 479 | WHAT?! THAT'S EVEN WORSE! |
| 480 | HOW IS THAT WORSE?! |
| 481 | I DON'T KNOW, BUT IT'S THE SAME! |
| 482 | ALL RIGHT, LOOK, I'M SORRY, BUT THERE WAS NOTHING I COULD DO. |
| 483 | I THINK I'M IN LOVE WITH HER. |
| 484 | WHO CARES! YOU WENT BEHIND MY BACK?! |
| 485 | I'D NEVER DO THAT TO YOU! |
| 486 | YOU'RE RIGHT. |
| 487 | I HAVE NO EXCUSES. |
| 488 | I WAS TOTALLY OVER THE LINE. |
| 489 | "OVER THE LINE?" |
| 490 | Y-Y-YOU'RE, YOU'RE SO FAR PAST THE LINE |
| 491 | THAT YOU CAN'T EVEN SEE THE LINE! |
| 492 | THE LINE IS A DOT TO YOU. |
| 493 | YES. |
| 494 | YES, RIGHT, AND I FEEL HORRIBLE. |
| 495 | YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE ME. |
| 496 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 497 | IS THAT WHY YOU BOUGHT ALL THIS STUFF?! |
| 498 | WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 499 | I WILL NOT WATCH YOUR TV, I WILL NOT LISTEN TO YOUR STEREO |
| 500 | AND THERE'S A CINNAMON RAISIN LOAF IN THE NEW BREAD MAKER |
| 501 | THAT I'M NOT GOING TO EAT! |
| 502 | YOU KNOW WHY? |
| 503 | PROBABLY BECAUSE... |
| 504 | BECAUSE IT'S ALL TAINTED |
| 505 | WITH YOUR BETRAYAL. |
| 506 | FROM NOW ON, THIS APARTMENT IS EMPTY TO ME |
| 507 | AND I'M NOT HAPPY ABOUT YOU EITHER. |
| 508 | ( bread maker ringing ) |
| 509 | OH, AND JUST SO YOU KNOW. |
| 510 | I MADE THAT BREAD FOR YOU. |
| 511 | ( door slams ) |
| 512 | ( rooster crows ) |
| 513 | ( doorbell buzzes ) |
| 514 | OH, MY GOD, HE'S LOST IT. |
| 515 | HE'S TOTALLY LOST IT. |
| 516 | WHAT? |
| 517 | PHOEBE, THIS IS MUSIC |
| 518 | THAT CANNOT GET ANY WORSE. |
| 519 | THERE ARE RATS IN THE BASEMENT THAT ARE HANGING THEMSELVES. |
| 520 | ( explosion ) |
| 521 | THANK YOU. |
| 522 | THANKS. |
| 523 | YEAH, I LOST IT. |
| 524 | YOU KNOW, I'M NOT GOING TO PLAY ANYMORE. |
| 525 | WOULD YOU...? |
| 526 | CAN YOU FINISH MY SET? |
| 527 | AFTER THAT? YEAH! |
| 528 | NO, I MEAN, IF I CAN HELP. |
| 529 | YEAH. |
| 530 | YEAH, LIKE, I COULD LOSE IT. |
| 531 | WHAT? |
| 532 | I PLAYED BAD ON PURPOSE, GUYS. |
| 533 | OH! OH! |
| 534 | OKAY, SO, YOU WERE TRYING TO PLAY BAD THIS WHOLE TIME? |
| 535 | NO, JUST THAT LAST SONG. |
| 536 | [Captioned by The Caption Center WGBH Educational Foundation] |
| 537 | |
| 1 | HELLO. |
| 2 | Chandler: Hey, it's me. |
| 3 | You can't stand to be in the same room as me |
| 4 | so I thought I'd apologize |
| 5 | over the phone. All... |
| 6 | ( rings ) |
| 7 | HELLO. |
| 8 | Chandler: Look, I never should have... |
| 9 | and I'm... |
| 10 | ( ringing ) |
| 11 | STOP CALLING! |
| 12 | ( Chandler as deejay ): Hey, hey, hey! |
| 13 | This is 92.3 WXRK, K-Rock |
| 14 | calling with our $1,000 daily challenge. |
| 15 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 16 | What is the name of your roommate |
| 17 | who is very, very sorry and would do anything...? |
| 18 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 19 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 20 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 21 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 22 | ♪ WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY ♪ |
| 23 | ♪ YOUR WEEK, YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 24 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 25 | ♪ WHEN THE RAIN STARTS TO POUR ♪ |
| 26 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 27 | ♪ LIKE I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE ♪ |
| 28 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 29 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME, TOO. ♪ |
| 30 | UGH... TURKEY. |
| 31 | UGH, GIVING THANKS. |
| 32 | UGH! |
| 33 | LOOK, EVERYONE. |
| 34 | IT'S THE SPIRIT OF THANKSGIVING. |
| 35 | SO, ARE THINGS WITH YOU AND JOEY ANY BETTER? |
| 36 | THEY COULDN'T BE WORSE. |
| 37 | I SPENT EIGHT HOURS CALLING HIM LAST NIGHT |
| 38 | TRYING TO GET HIM TO TALK TO ME. |
| 39 | OH, WOW. |
| 40 | EIGHT HOURS-- SO, YOU COULD PROBABLY REALLY USE |
| 41 | ONE OF THOSE PLUG-IN TELEPHONE HEADSETS, HUH? |
| 42 | SHOULD WE ALL EXPECT CHRISTMAS GIFTS |
| 43 | THAT CAN BE STOLEN FROM YOUR OFFICE? |
| 44 | YOU SHOULDN'T. |
| 45 | SPEAKING OF CHRISTMAS |
| 46 | SINCE MONICA AND I ARE STARTING A NEW BUSINESS |
| 47 | AND HAVE, LIKE, NO MONEY |
| 48 | UM, THIS YEAR MAYBE WE COULD DO SECRET SANTA |
| 49 | AND THEN WE EACH ONLY BUY ONE GIFT |
| 50 | AND-AND THERE'S THE ADDED MYSTERY |
| 51 | OF, YOU KNOW, WHO GETS WHO. |
| 52 | WHO GETS WHOM. |
| 53 | I DON'T KNOW WHY I DO THAT. |
| 54 | OH, I'M GOING TO TAKE A NAP. |
| 55 | TURKEY MAKES ME SLEEPY. |
| 56 | WE HAVEN'T EATEN YET. |
| 57 | I KNOW, BUT ALL THAT WORK YOU'RE DOING |
| 58 | TO GET IT READY AND I JUST... |
| 59 | HEY, BY ANY CHANCE |
| 60 | DID EITHER OF YOU PICK RACHEL |
| 61 | FOR YOUR SECRET SANTA? |
| 62 | 'CAUSE I WANT TO TRADE FOR HER. |
| 63 | I PICKED HER. |
| 64 | OOH, THANK GOD, YOU WANT HER. |
| 65 | OOH! |
| 66 | WOW. WHY DO YOU WANT TO GET RID OF HER SO BADLY? |
| 67 | BECAUSE SHE EXCHANGES EVERY GIFT SHE EVER GETS. |
| 68 | IT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO GET HER ANYTHING SHE LIKES. |
| 69 | COME ON, LET'S TRADE! |
| 70 | OH, THAT'S NOT TRUE. |
| 71 | I GOT HER THAT BACKPACK, AND SHE LOVED IT. |
| 72 | I REMEMBER HOW MUCH SHE WAS CRYING THE DAY |
| 73 | THAT BIG DOG RAN OFF WITH... |
| 74 | WELL, THERE WAS NO BIG DOG. |
| 75 | ALL RIGHT, THIS SUCKS |
| 76 | 'CAUSE I ALREADY GOT HER THIS BRIEFCASE, AND I HAD |
| 77 | "R.G." PUT ON IT. |
| 78 | HER INITIALS. |
| 79 | OH. |
| 80 | MAYBE YOU CAN GIVE IT |
| 81 | TO SOMEBODY ELSE. |
| 82 | OH, LIKE ROSS GELLER. |
| 83 | OH, YOU KNOW WHAT, THOUGH? |
| 84 | IT'S KIND OF A GIRLY BRIEFCASE. |
| 85 | WHO CARES? HE WORKS IN A MUSEUM. |
| 86 | HEY, WHAT TIME IS IT? |
| 87 | THE BIG GAME IS ABOUT TO START. |
| 88 | ROSS AND JOEY AREN'T HERE. |
| 89 | YOU CAN WATCH THE PARADE IF YOU WANT. |
| 90 | THANKS. |
| 91 | WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS FREEZER? |
| 92 | OW! OW! |
| 93 | GOD, WHAT HAPPENED? |
| 94 | OH, MY GOD, ICE JUST GOT |
| 95 | IN MY EYE! |
| 96 | PEOPLE ARE TRYING TO SLEEP IN HERE. |
| 97 | MONICA GOT ICE IN HER EYE, AND IT HURTS. |
| 98 | OPEN IT UP. LET ME SEE. |
| 99 | OH, I CAN'T. IT REALLY KILLS. |
| 100 | WELL, MAYBE YOU SHOULD |
| 101 | PUT SOME ICE ON IT. |
| 102 | OOH, IT LOOKS BAD. |
| 103 | HONEY, MAYBE WE SHOULD TAKE YOU TO A DOCTOR. |
| 104 | NO. MY EYE DOCTOR IS RICHARD. |
| 105 | I CAN'T GO TO HIM WHEN I DON'T HAVE A BOYFRIEND. |
| 106 | HE'S REALLY PICKY ABOUT HIS PATIENTS. |
| 107 | OKAY, YOU'VE GOT TO GO. |
| 108 | WHAT'S HIS OFFICE NUMBER? |
| 109 | LIKE, I REMEMBER HIS OFFICE NUMBER. |
| 110 | SPEED DIAL SEVEN. |
| 111 | HI. YEAH, I'M CALLING ON BEHALF OF MONICA GELLER'S EYE, AND... |
| 112 | IS, UM... IS RICHARD BURKE IN TODAY? |
| 113 | HE'S OUT OF TOWN, BUT DOES SHE WANT TO SEE THE ON-CALL DOCTOR? |
| 114 | YES! |
| 115 | YES! SHE'S VERY EXCITED |
| 116 | ABOUT THAT. |
| 117 | THIS IS SO COOL. |
| 118 | TILL MONICA GETS BACK |
| 119 | IT'S, LIKE, I'M HEAD CHEF |
| 120 | AND I GET TO MAKE ALL THE DECISIONS. |
| 121 | HEY, HEY, I THOUGHT SHE TOLD YOU |
| 122 | TO FOLLOW THE RECIPE EXACTLY. |
| 123 | OKAY, GET OUT OF MY KITCHEN. |
| 124 | ALL RIGHT, I THINK I AM MAKING SOME PROGRESS WITH JOEY. |
| 125 | WHEN I WENT INTO THE APARTMENT |
| 126 | HE WENT STRAIGHT INTO HIS BEDROOM |
| 127 | BUT HE ONLY SLAMMED THE DOOR ONCE. |
| 128 | WOW. |
| 129 | I MEAN, YEAH, HE GAVE ME |
| 130 | THE FINGER WHILE DOING IT. |
| 131 | ALL RIGHT, I'VE... I GOT TO CALL MY MOM |
| 132 | AND ASK HER A LEFT-HANDED COOKING QUESTION. |
| 133 | SO, LISTEN, UH, I PICKED MONICA FOR SECRET SANTA |
| 134 | BUT I'M ALREADY GETTING HER SOMETHING FOR HANUKAH. |
| 135 | I WAS WONDERING IF YOU WANT TO SWITCH. |
| 136 | OH, YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 137 | I WAS TRYING TO TRADE FOR, UH... WELL, YOU. |
| 138 | REALLY? |
| 139 | WOW, THAT'S... THAT'S SO NICE. |
| 140 | WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO GET ME? |
| 141 | I DON'T KNOW, R.G. |
| 142 | I THOUGHT SOMETHING GIRLY FOR YOUR OFFICE. |
| 143 | YEAH. |
| 144 | WELL, MAYBE PHOEBE WILL SWITCH WITH ME. |
| 145 | YOU DON'T WANT TO DO THAT. |
| 146 | YOU'LL GET STUCK WITH RACHEL. |
| 147 | SHE EXCHANGES EVERY GIFT SHE GETS. |
| 148 | THAT'S NOT TRUE. |
| 149 | I GOT HER LOTS OF STUFF SHE NEVER TOOK BACK. |
| 150 | LIKE? |
| 151 | LIKE THAT GOLD NECKLACE |
| 152 | I GOT HER LAST YEAR. |
| 153 | WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME SHE WORE IT? |
| 154 | WELL, SHE WORE IT ALL CHRISTMAS DAY, AND THEN, UH... |
| 155 | BIG DOG? |
| 156 | HI. |
| 157 | HEY. |
| 158 | WHAT ARE YOU DOING? |
| 159 | SENDING BACK THIS STUFF CHANDLER BOUGHT OUT OF GUILT. |
| 160 | EVERYTHING? EVEN THE TV? |
| 161 | NO. I'M GOING TO PUT THAT IN MY ROOM. |
| 162 | LISTEN, JOEY... |
| 163 | I KNOW WHAT HE DID WAS WRONG |
| 164 | BUT DON'T YOU THINK |
| 165 | YOU COULD AT LEAST HEAR THE GUY OUT? |
| 166 | BACK WHEN YOU AND RACHEL WERE TOGETHER |
| 167 | IF CHANDLER HAD KISSED HER |
| 168 | WOULD YOU HEAR HIM OUT? |
| 169 | GOOD POINT. |
| 170 | SO, UH, HOW LONG ARE YOU GOING TO PUNISH HIM? |
| 171 | FIVE YEARS. |
| 172 | YOU'VE SENTENCED HIM? |
| 173 | HEY, DON'T DO THE CRIME IF YOU CAN'T DO THE TIME. |
| 174 | JOEY, THE GUY IS YOUR BEST FRIEND. |
| 175 | WAS MY BEST FRIEND. |
| 176 | ANYWAY, I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU'RE PUSHING FOR HIM SO HARD. |
| 177 | WITH HIM OUT OF THE WAY AS MY BEST FRIEND |
| 178 | THERE'S A SPOT OPEN. |
| 179 | WELL, WHO, ME? |
| 180 | YEAH. ( chuckling ) |
| 181 | WOW. I'M HONORED. |
| 182 | YOU KNOW WHAT I'LL DO |
| 183 | AS MY FIRST ACT AS YOUR BEST FRIEND? |
| 184 | WHAT? |
| 185 | I'M GOING TO GET YOU |
| 186 | TO TALK TO CHANDLER. |
| 187 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 188 | OH, BUT IF YOU WEREN'T MY BEST FRIEND... |
| 189 | YEAH... |
| 190 | OH, MY GOD. IS IT REALLY THAT BAD? |
| 191 | I WALK INTO THE ROOM, AND HE WON'T EVEN TALK TO ME. |
| 192 | HE'LL JUST MUMBLE SOMETHING IN ITALIAN... |
| 193 | AND I KNOW HE ONLY KNOWS THE BAD WORDS. |
| 194 | HEY, GUNTHER, HAVE YOU, UH... |
| 195 | HAVE YOU SEEN CHANDLER? |
| 196 | I THOUGHT YOU WERE CHANDLER. |
| 197 | BUT, UM, ONE OF YOU IS OVER THERE. |
| 198 | OH. |
| 199 | HEY, JOE. |
| 200 | VA FA A NAPOLI, HUH?! |
| 201 | I'LL BE RIGHT WITH YOU, OKAY? |
| 202 | THANKS FOR COMING IN. |
| 203 | SURE. |
| 204 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 205 | HOW CUTE IS THE ON-CALL DOCTOR? |
| 206 | OH, SO CUTE THAT I'M THINKING |
| 207 | ABOUT JAMMING THIS PEN IN MY EYE. |
| 208 | ( intercom buzzes ) |
| 209 | DR. BURKE WILL SEE YOU NOW. |
| 210 | OH, NO, NOT DR. BURKE. |
| 211 | DR. BURKE'S OUT OF TOWN. |
| 212 | THE ON-CALL DOCTOR WILL SEE ME NOW. |
| 213 | DR. RICHARD BURKE IS OUT OF TOWN. |
| 214 | DR. TIMOTHY BURKE, HIS SON, WILL SEE YOU NOW. |
| 215 | READY? |
| 216 | HEY, I'M SORRY. |
| 217 | THAT... |
| 218 | WHERE YOU GOING? |
| 219 | MY FOLKS'. |
| 220 | OH. UH... WHEN YOU, WHEN YOU COMING BACK? |
| 221 | I DON'T KNOW. |
| 222 | I MIGHT STAY THERE FOR A FEW DAYS |
| 223 | WHILE I LOOK FOR AN APARTMENT. |
| 224 | WHAT? |
| 225 | AT FIRST I THOUGHT WE COULD TALK ABOUT THIS |
| 226 | YOU KNOW, WORK IT OUT |
| 227 | BUT SEEING YOU TWO TOGETHER AND ALL... |
| 228 | HEY, LOOK, WHAT DO YOU |
| 229 | WANT ME TO SAY? |
| 230 | DO YOU WANT ME |
| 231 | TO SAY I'LL STOP SEEING HER? |
| 232 | IT'S NOT ABOUT HER, OKAY? |
| 233 | BUT SEEING YOU TWO TOGETHER JUST REMINDS ME OF WHAT YOU DID |
| 234 | AND I DON'T WANT TO LIVE WITH SOMEONE WHO DOESN'T KNOW |
| 235 | WHAT IT IS TO BE A FRIEND, SO I'LL SEE YOU. |
| 236 | LOOK, I KNOW WHAT IT IS TO BE A FRIEND. |
| 237 | I JUST... I SCREWED UP. |
| 238 | YEAH, YOU DID... |
| 239 | AND THAT'S WHY I'M LEAVING. |
| 240 | ( quacking ) |
| 241 | ALL RIGHT, LOOK. |
| 242 | IF YOU'RE NOT GOING TO STAY FOR ME |
| 243 | THEN AT LEAST STAY FOR THEM. |
| 244 | OKAY, THEY HAVE HAD A VERY DIFFICULT YEAR |
| 245 | WHAT WITH THE ROBBERY AND ALL. |
| 246 | WHEN THAT GUY WAS ROBBING US |
| 247 | AND I WAS LOCKED IN THE ENTERTAINMENT UNIT |
| 248 | FOR SIX HOURS, DO YOU KNOW |
| 249 | WHAT I WAS DOING IN THERE ALL THAT TIME? |
| 250 | I WAS THINKING ABOUT HOW I LET YOU DOWN. |
| 251 | WOW. |
| 252 | YEAH, BUT IF I'D KNOWN |
| 253 | WHAT KIND OF FRIEND YOU WOULD TURN OUT TO BE |
| 254 | I WOULDN'T HAVE WORRIED SO MUCH ABOUT IT. |
| 255 | SEE YOU AROUND. |
| 256 | JUST WAIT ONE SECOND NOW. |
| 257 | THERE HAS TO BE SOMETHING THAT I CAN DO, SOMETHING. |
| 258 | IF WE STILL HAD THAT ENTERTAINMENT UNIT |
| 259 | I WOULD GET IN THERE FOR SIX HOURS AND THINK |
| 260 | ABOUT HOW I LET YOU DOWN. |
| 261 | WHAT? |
| 262 | WE GOT A BOX. |
| 263 | I REMEMBER THE LAST TIME I SAW YOU. |
| 264 | IT WAS THE MORNING I LEFT FOR COLLEGE |
| 265 | AND YOU WERE JUST STANDING OUTSIDE THE DAIRY QUEEN. |
| 266 | I WAS JUST PROBABLY WAITING FOR IT TO OPEN. |
| 267 | GOT TO TELL YOU, YOU LOOK GREAT NOW. |
| 268 | YOU LOOK GREAT, TOO. |
| 269 | YOU'RE AN EXCELLENT PATIENT. |
| 270 | SO HOW DOES IT LOOK? |
| 271 | YOU'VE GOT A LITTLE SCRATCH ON YOUR CORNEA. |
| 272 | YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO WEAR A PATCH. |
| 273 | LIKE A PIRATE? |
| 274 | IF THAT HELPS YOU. |
| 275 | OOH. |
| 276 | ( clears throat ) |
| 277 | SO HOW LONG YOU BEEN WORKING WITH YOUR DAD? |
| 278 | COME ON. ONE OF US HAD TO MENTION HIM. |
| 279 | I MOVED BACK HERE A COUPLE MONTHS AGO. |
| 280 | BIG FAMILY DINNER TONIGHT? |
| 281 | UH, HERE. |
| 282 | OH, NO WAY. |
| 283 | I WAS GOING TO HAVE THANKSGIVING |
| 284 | AT MY GIRLFRIEND'S... |
| 285 | OH. |
| 286 | BUT WE BROKE UP. |
| 287 | OH? |
| 288 | SHE-SHE WASN'T READY FOR A SERIOUS COMMITMENT. |
| 289 | OH... |
| 290 | ( gruffly ): SO YOU MADE HER |
| 291 | WALK THE PLANK, AYE, MATEY? |
| 292 | YOU'RE NOT WEARING THE PATCH YET. |
| 293 | I KNOW. |
| 294 | HE'S COMING HERE FOR THANKSGIVING? |
| 295 | I KNOW. IT'S SICK. |
| 296 | WHY'S IT SICK? |
| 297 | BECAUSE IT'S RICHARD'S SON. |
| 298 | IT'S LIKE INVITING A GREEK TRAGEDY OVER FOR DINNER. |
| 299 | I MEAN, COME ON, PHOEBE. |
| 300 | YOU UNDERSTAND, DON'T YOU? |
| 301 | YEAH, I COULD SEE |
| 302 | WHERE I'D BE YOUR BEST SHOT, BUT NO. |
| 303 | NO, I'M SORRY, HONEY. |
| 304 | I THINK IT'S TWISTED. |
| 305 | WHAT'S TWISTED? |
| 306 | ME GOING OUT WITH RICHARD'S SON. |
| 307 | EWW! |
| 308 | EWW, EWW, EWW! |
| 309 | Chandler: SOUNDS LIKE |
| 310 | A REALLY BAD IDEA TO ME. |
| 311 | IS HE OKAY IN THERE? |
| 312 | ( firmly ): HE'S FINE. |
| 313 | HEY, YOU KNOW, MON |
| 314 | IF THINGS WORK OUT BETWEEN YOU AND RICHARD'S SON |
| 315 | YOU'D BE ABLE TO TELL YOUR KIDS |
| 316 | THAT YOU SLEPT WITH THEIR GRANDFATHER. |
| 317 | FINE. JUDGE ALL YOU WANT TO |
| 318 | BUT MARRIED A LESBIAN |
| 319 | LEFT A MAN AT THE ALTAR |
| 320 | FELL IN LOVE WITH A GAY ICE DANCER |
| 321 | THREW A GIRL'S WOODEN LEG IN THE FIRE |
| 322 | LIVE IN A BOX! |
| 323 | SO, NOW, WHAT EXACTLY IS THE POINT OF THE BOX? |
| 324 | CHANDLER? |
| 325 | THE MEANING OF THE BOX IS THREEFOLD. |
| 326 | ONE: |
| 327 | IT GIVES ME THE TIME TO THINK ABOUT WHAT I DID. |
| 328 | TWO: |
| 329 | IT PROVES HOW MUCH I CARE |
| 330 | ABOUT MY FRIENDSHIP WITH JOEY. |
| 331 | AND THREE: |
| 332 | IT HURTS. |
| 333 | OH, HEY. |
| 334 | HEY, UH, DO YOU REMEMBER THAT NECKLACE |
| 335 | I GAVE YOU LAST YEAR? |
| 336 | CAN I SEE IT? |
| 337 | WHY? |
| 338 | I WANT TO CHECK SOMETHING. |
| 339 | OKAY. |
| 340 | NOW WE'LL SEE. |
| 341 | AIR HOLE! AIR HOLE! |
| 342 | SORRY. |
| 343 | HERE IT IS. I LOVE IT. |
| 344 | I WEAR IT ALL THE TIME. |
| 345 | THE NECKLACE I GOT YOU WAS GOLD. |
| 346 | THIS IS SILVER. |
| 347 | HUH. |
| 348 | WELL, MAYBE IT, UH... |
| 349 | IT CHANGED. |
| 350 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 351 | YOU ACTUALLY EXCHANGED IT. |
| 352 | ISN'T IT BETTER THAT I EXCHANGE IT |
| 353 | FOR SOMETHING THAT I ENJOY |
| 354 | AND CAN GET A LOT OF USE OUT OF? |
| 355 | WHAT DID YOU GET? CREDIT. |
| 356 | ( knock at door ) |
| 357 | I'LL GET IT. I'LL GET IT. I'LL GET IT. I'LL GET IT. |
| 358 | HI, TIM. |
| 359 | HI. |
| 360 | HI. THANK YOU. |
| 361 | MEET MY FRIENDS. |
| 362 | THIS IS, UH, PHOEBE. |
| 363 | HI. NICE TO MEET YOU. |
| 364 | AND JOEY. |
| 365 | HEY. MY BROTHER, ROSS. |
| 366 | HEY. |
| 367 | AND RACHEL. |
| 368 | ( Chandler clears throat ) |
| 369 | THAT'S CHANDLER. |
| 370 | HOW DO YOU DO? |
| 371 | WHAT'S...? |
| 372 | WELL, HE'S, UM... |
| 373 | HE'S DOING SOME THINKING. |
| 374 | Commentator: McCallister tries... |
| 375 | YEAH! YES! |
| 376 | Chandler: WHAT HAPPENED? WHAT HAPPENED? |
| 377 | YOU KISSED MY GIRLFRIEND. |
| 378 | OOH, I LIKE THOSE SUNGLASSES. |
| 379 | "LIKE THEM" LIKE THEM |
| 380 | OR "I'D LIKE TO GET STORE CREDIT FOR THAT AMOUNT" |
| 381 | LIKE THEM? |
| 382 | VA FA A NAPOLI. |
| 383 | ALL RIGHT, EVERYBODY; THIS TURKEY IS READY. |
| 384 | WHERE CAN I WASH UP? |
| 385 | HERE. LET ME SHOW YOU. |
| 386 | OKAY, THE TOWELS ARE HANGING NEXT TO THE SINK |
| 387 | AND YOU CAN USE THE FANCY SOAP. |
| 388 | THANK YOU. |
| 389 | "FANCY SOAP"? |
| 390 | I THOUGHT WE WERE SAVING THAT FOR THE POPE. |
| 391 | SEE? HE'S NICE, RIGHT? |
| 392 | BUT DO YOU REALLY WANT |
| 393 | TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP WHERE YOU CAN USE THE PHRASE |
| 394 | "THAT'S NOT HOW YOUR DAD USED TO DO IT"? |
| 395 | WOW. EVERYTHING LOOKS GREAT. |
| 396 | WHERE SHOULD I SIT? |
| 397 | SAVED YOU A SEAT. |
| 398 | SICK, SICK, SICK, SICK, SICK. |
| 399 | ( knock at door ) |
| 400 | OH, I'LL GET IT. |
| 401 | Chandler: GOTCHA! |
| 402 | ( laughing ) |
| 403 | THAT DOESN'T SOUND LIKE THINKING TO ME. |
| 404 | SORRY. |
| 405 | I DON'T THINK YOU SHOULD BE TALKING AT ALL. |
| 406 | I THINK YOU GOT TOO MUCH THINKING TO DO |
| 407 | TO BE TALKING AND MAKING JOKES. |
| 408 | OKAY, OKAY. YOU GOT IT. |
| 409 | ROSS, COULD YOU PASS ME THE YAMS? |
| 410 | OH, AND JOEY'S GOT THE MASHED POTATOES |
| 411 | IF YOU WANT TO EXCHANGE THEM. |
| 412 | WILL YOU STOP? WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU? |
| 413 | ( fake laugh ): OH, WE'VE GOT COMPANY. |
| 414 | THERE'S NOTHING THE MATTER WITH ME. |
| 415 | SEE, I'M NOT COMPLETELY DEVOID OF SENTIMENT. |
| 416 | SEE, I HAVE FEELINGS. |
| 417 | OKAY, FINE. |
| 418 | YOU CAN'T TELL, BUT I'M TRYING TO BREAK THE TENSION |
| 419 | BY MOONING YOU GUYS. |
| 420 | ALL RIGHT, LOOK. |
| 421 | IF THIS IS JUST A BIG JOKE TO YOU, THEN FORGET ABOUT IT. |
| 422 | ALL RIGHT, THIS MEANS SOMETHING TO ME. |
| 423 | IF IT DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING TO YOU |
| 424 | THEN YOU SHOULD GET OUT OF THERE. |
| 425 | OTHERWISE, YOU'RE JUST AN IDIOT IN A BOX. |
| 426 | YOU'RE RIGHT, AND I'M SORRY. |
| 427 | THIS MEANS A LOT TO ME. |
| 428 | I WANT YOU TO BE MY FRIEND AGAIN. |
| 429 | I SWEAR I WON'T SAY ANOTHER WORD TONIGHT. |
| 430 | SO YOU'RE GOING TO START TAKING THIS THING SERIOUSLY? |
| 431 | ABSOLUTELY. |
| 432 | THAT SOUNDS LIKE ANOTHER WORD TO ME. |
| 433 | ARE YOU GOING TO TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY? |
| 434 | OKAY. |
| 435 | DON'T SAY THAT I HAVE NO SENTIMENT. |
| 436 | THIS IS A MOVIE STUB FROM OUR FIRST DATE. |
| 437 | THIS IS AN EGGSHELL |
| 438 | FROM THE FIRST TIME YOU MADE ME BREAKFAST IN BED. |
| 439 | THIS IS FROM THE MUSEUM |
| 440 | THE FIRST TIME... |
| 441 | WE WERE TOGETHER. |
| 442 | OKAY, MAYBE |
| 443 | I EXCHANGE GIFTS SOMETIMES |
| 444 | BUT I KEEP THE THINGS THAT MATTER. |
| 445 | I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY. |
| 446 | I'M SORRY. |
| 447 | THOUGH... |
| 448 | YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO TAKE THESE. |
| 449 | IT'S, LIKE, A MILLION YEARS OLD. |
| 450 | WE... WE ACTUALLY... |
| 451 | WE HAVE PEOPLE LOOKING FOR THAT. |
| 452 | OH, THIS ALWAYS HAPPENS. |
| 453 | HERE. LET ME, UM... |
| 454 | THANK YOU. |
| 455 | YOU HAVE VERY BEAUTIFUL... |
| 456 | EYE. |
| 457 | YOU KNOW, MY FRIENDS ALL THINK THIS IS WEIRD. |
| 458 | I THOUGHT IT WAS GOING TO BE WEIRD. |
| 459 | I ALMOST CALLED TO CANCEL, BUT IT REALLY ISN'T. |
| 460 | I KNOW. IT'S LIKE YOU AND YOUR DAD-- |
| 461 | THAT'S A TOTALLY SEPARATE THING. |
| 462 | OH, I TOTALLY AGREE. |
| 463 | WE'RE JUST TWO PEOPLE WHO FIND EACH OTHER... |
| 464 | VERY ATTRACTIVE. |
| 465 | RIGHT? |
| 466 | WHAT? |
| 467 | NOTHING. NOTHING. |
| 468 | NO. NO, REALLY-- WAS THAT NOT OKAY? |
| 469 | NO, NO, NO, NO. THAT WAS GOOD. |
| 470 | THAT WAS, UH... |
| 471 | THAT WAS A GOOD KISS. |
| 472 | MY GOD. IT DIDN'T REMIND YOU OF MY...? |
| 473 | OH, DON'T SAY IT! |
| 474 | NO, BUT IT DID, DIDN'T IT? |
| 475 | YES! OH, MAN! |
| 476 | ( groaning ) |
| 477 | I KNOW! |
| 478 | ( both shudder loudly ) |
| 479 | Commentator: ...that's 18 yards. |
| 480 | Is he having quite a day. |
| 481 | ( loud shudder ) |
| 482 | ( knock at door ) |
| 483 | I GOT IT. |
| 484 | OH. |
| 485 | HEY. |
| 486 | HEY. |
| 487 | LISTEN. I WANT YOU TO KNOW HOW SORRY I AM... |
| 488 | THAT'S OKAY. |
| 489 | CHANDLER'S THE ONE I'M MAD AT, SO... |
| 490 | WELL, I'M STILL SORRY. |
| 491 | IS HE HERE? |
| 492 | IN THE BOX. |
| 493 | HI. |
| 494 | CHANDLER? |
| 495 | OH, HE CAN'T TALK RIGHT NOW. |
| 496 | WHY NOT? |
| 497 | WHAT'S GOING ON? |
| 498 | HE'S TRYING TO SHOW JOEY |
| 499 | HOW MUCH HE MEANS TO HIM. |
| 500 | BY BEING IN A BOX. |
| 501 | JOEY HAD REASONS. |
| 502 | THEY WERE THREEFOLD. |
| 503 | OH. WELL, UH... |
| 504 | YOU NOT BEING ABLE TO TALK |
| 505 | MIGHT ACTUALLY MAKE THIS EASIER. |
| 506 | LISTEN, UM... |
| 507 | LISTEN. |
| 508 | I DON'T WANT TO BE SOMEONE |
| 509 | WHO COMES BETWEEN TWO BEST FRIENDS. |
| 510 | I JUST... I CAN'T STAND SEEING WHAT THIS IS DOING TO YOU GUYS |
| 511 | AND I DON'T WANT TO BE THE CAUSE OF THAT. |
| 512 | SO... I DON'T THINK WE CAN SEE EACH OTHER ANYMORE. |
| 513 | I'M GOING TO GO |
| 514 | TO MY MOM'S IN CHICAGO. |
| 515 | I'M GOING TO STAY THERE FOR A WHILE. |
| 516 | I THINK THIS COULD HAVE BEEN SOMETHING REALLY AMAZING. |
| 517 | ( laughs softly ) |
| 518 | BUT, YOU KNOW, THIS IS PROBABLY FOR THE BEST. |
| 519 | YOU KNOW? |
| 520 | I'M GOING TO MISS YOU. |
| 521 | GOOD-BYE, CHANDLER. |
| 522 | ( door closes ) |
| 523 | ( moaning ): OPEN THE BOX! |
| 524 | Rachel: WHAT? |
| 525 | HE CAN STILL CATCH HER! |
| 526 | HEY, COME ON. GET OUT OF THERE! |
| 527 | GET OUT OF THERE! |
| 528 | SO...? |
| 529 | YEAH, WE'RE GOING TO BE FINE. GET OUT. |
| 530 | YEAH? |
| 531 | YEAH. YOU DID SOME REAL GOOD THINKING IN THERE. |
| 532 | I MEAN, THIS IS... |
| 533 | ( mumbles ) |
| 534 | NOW, GO 'CAUSE YOU CAN STILL CATCH HER |
| 535 | AND MERRY CHRISTMAS FROM YOUR SECRET SANTA! |
| 536 | ALL RIGHT, WHO GOT CHANDLER, 'CAUSE I NEED TO TRADE. |
| 537 | OH, HE SEES HER. |
| 538 | OH, HE'S CATCHING UP TO HER. |
| 539 | OH, SHE SEES HIM. |
| 540 | OH, THEY'RE HUGGING. |
| 541 | OHH. |
| 542 | HE'S TAKING HER PURSE. |
| 543 | UH, THAT'S NOT THEM. |
| 544 | I'M GOING TO GO CALL THE POLICE. |
| 545 | OH, THERE THEY ARE! |
| 546 | WHERE? OH... |
| 547 | ( all sighing ) |
| 548 | ALL RIGHT, GET A ROOM. |
| 549 | |
| 1 | OKAY. |
| 2 | COME ON, AND NO PEEKING. |
| 3 | OUR EYES ARE CLOSED |
| 4 | AND WE'RE ABOUT TO CROSS THE STREET-- |
| 5 | VERY GOOD. |
| 6 | OKAY... OPEN UP. |
| 7 | WHAT DO YOU WANT TO SHOW US? |
| 8 | BECAUSE ALL I CAN SEE IS THIS BITCHIN' VAN! |
| 9 | YEAH. IT'S FOR OUR CATERING BUSINESS. |
| 10 | OH. |
| 11 | OH, I THINK I KNOW THAT GIRL. |
| 12 | Monica: ALL RIGHT. UM... |
| 13 | WE'RE NOT GOING TO REALLY KEEP IT THIS WAY, THOUGH. |
| 14 | NO? |
| 15 | WE'RE GOING TO PAINT OVER THE SWORD |
| 16 | AND REPLACE IT WITH A BAGUETTE. |
| 17 | OH. MMM. |
| 18 | UM, ALSO, WE DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH THIS. |
| 19 | ( switch clicking ) |
| 20 | OH, YEAH. I DEFINITELY KNOW HER. |
| 21 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 22 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 23 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 24 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 25 | ♪ WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY ♪ |
| 26 | ♪ YOUR WEEK, YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 27 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 28 | ♪ WHEN THE RAIN STARTS TO POUR ♪ |
| 29 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 30 | ♪ LIKE I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE ♪ |
| 31 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 32 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME, TOO. ♪ |
| 33 | REMEMBER THAT GUY FROM COOKING SCHOOL |
| 34 | I TOLD YOU ABOUT THAT PUT CILANTRO IN EVERYTHING? |
| 35 | OH, SURE. "CILANTRO" LARRY. |
| 36 | YEAH. WELL, I'M GOING TO FILL IN FOR HIM |
| 37 | AS FOOD CRITIC FOR THE CHELSEA REPORTER. |
| 38 | WOW! MONICA, WHAT AN AMAZING OPPORTUNITY |
| 39 | TO INFLUENCE... DOZENS OF PEOPLE. |
| 40 | Phoebe: HOW COULD YOU HAVE SAID YES? |
| 41 | WHAT ABOUT OUR CATERING BUSINESS? |
| 42 | OH, NO, NO. IT'S JUST ONE NIGHT A WEEK. |
| 43 | PLUS, I GET TO TAKE ALL OF YOU OUT |
| 44 | FOR A LOT OF FREE DINNERS. |
| 45 | HEY. HEY. |
| 46 | OH, WELL, IN THAT CASE... |
| 47 | HEY. |
| 48 | THAT WAS ME HOPPING ON BOARD. |
| 49 | OH. |
| 50 | HEY, GUYS. |
| 51 | HEY, ROSS, QUICK QUESTION FOR YOU. |
| 52 | ARE YOU READY TO PARTY? |
| 53 | I DON'T KNOW. I COULD MAYBE GO OUT FOR A COUPLE OF BEERS, |
| 54 | BUT THERE'S THIS THING ABOUT BUMBLEBEES |
| 55 | ON THE DISCOVERY CHANNEL... |
| 56 | NO, NO, NO. I DON'T THINK YOU HEARD ME. |
| 57 | ARE YOU READY... TO PARTY? |
| 58 | NO! |
| 59 | GANDALF?! |
| 60 | GANDALF IS COMING TO TOWN? |
| 61 | KATHY'S WITH HER PARENTS. |
| 62 | I HAVE NOTHING TO DO. |
| 63 | TOMORROW, WE ARE PARTYING WITH GANDALF, DUDE! |
| 64 | DUDE, WE ARE SO GOING TO PARTY. |
| 65 | YEAH! |
| 66 | WOW! OKAY. DUDE ALERT. |
| 67 | AND WHO IS THIS GUY? |
| 68 | MIKE "GANDALF" GANDERSON. |
| 69 | ONLY, LIKE, THE FUNNEST GUY IN THE WORLD. |
| 70 | I'M GOING TO CALL AND GET OFF WORK TOMORROW. |
| 71 | I'M GOING TO CALL AFTER YOU! |
| 72 | THIS IS GOING TO BE SO COOL, DUDE. |
| 73 | WE NEVER PARTY ANYMORE. |
| 74 | OOOOOOH! OOOOOOH! |
| 75 | WERE YOU GUYS SMOKING SOMETHING IN THE BACK OF OUR VAN? |
| 76 | REALLY. WHAT DO YOU MEAN, WE NEVER HAVE FUN ANYMORE? |
| 77 | YOU HAVE FUN WITH ME. |
| 78 | REMEMBER THE TIME WE SAW THOSE STRIPPERS |
| 79 | AND YOU PAID ME 50 BUCKS TO EAT THAT BOOK? |
| 80 | JOEY, YOU ARE GOING TO LOVE THIS GUY. |
| 81 | GANDALF IS, LIKE, THE PARTY WIZARD. |
| 82 | WHY DO YOU CALL HIM GANDALF? |
| 83 | GANDALF THE WIZARD. |
| 84 | HELLO. DIDN'T YOU READ LORD OF THE RINGS |
| 85 | IN HIGH SCHOOL? |
| 86 | NO, I HAD SEX IN HIGH SCHOOL. |
| 87 | OH, UH... JOANNA? |
| 88 | I WAS WONDERING |
| 89 | IF I COULD ASK YOU SOMETHING. |
| 90 | THERE'S AN OPENING FOR AN ASSISTANT BUYER |
| 91 | IN JUNIOR MISS... |
| 92 | THAT WOULD BE A STEP DOWN FOR ME. |
| 93 | NO, ACTUALLY, I MEANT FOR ME. |
| 94 | THE HIRING COMMITTEE IS MEETING PEOPLE ALL DAY. |
| 95 | OH. WELL, I WISH I COULD SAY NO |
| 96 | BUT I GUESS YOU CAN'T STAY MY ASSISTANT FOREVER. |
| 97 | NEITHER CAN YOU, SOPHIE, BUT FOR DIFFERENT REASONS. |
| 98 | I'M SO GLAD YOU DON'T HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THIS |
| 99 | OR I WOULDN'T HAVE CONSIDERED APPLYING. |
| 100 | REALLY? IN THAT CASE... |
| 101 | THAT'S WHY I'M SO GLAD THERE'S NO PROBLEM. |
| 102 | IT'S FINE. ACTUALLY, I'M ON THE HIRING COMMITTEE |
| 103 | SO THERE'LL BE AT LEAST ONE FRIENDLY FACE. |
| 104 | OH, THAT'S GREAT. |
| 105 | JUNIOR MISS IS WHERE I STARTED. REALLY? |
| 106 | HAD TO SLEEP WITH THE UGLIEST GUY TO GET THAT JOB. |
| 107 | OH... REALLY? |
| 108 | NO! |
| 109 | YEAH. |
| 110 | I MEAN, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. |
| 111 | DON'T YOU WORRY. I'M SURE WITH YOUR QUALIFICATIONS, |
| 112 | YOU WON'T NEED TO SLEEP WITH SOME GUY TO GET THE JOB. |
| 113 | ALTHOUGH I MIGHT NEED SOME CONVINCING. |
| 114 | WELL, UM... |
| 115 | KIDDING! |
| 116 | ( both laughing ) |
| 117 | GOD, I FEEL WILD TODAY! |
| 118 | OH, MAN, I AM SO EXCITED |
| 119 | I MAY VOMIT. |
| 120 | WILL YOU CALM DOWN? |
| 121 | HE'S JUST A HUMAN GUY. |
| 122 | YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. GANDALF IS AMAZING. |
| 123 | YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT WILL END UP HAPPENING. |
| 124 | YOU GO OUT FOR A COUPLE OF BEERS |
| 125 | AND END UP ON A FISHING BOAT TO NOVA SCOTIA. |
| 126 | REALLY? |
| 127 | OH, YEAH. IT'S BEAUTIFUL COUNTRY UP THERE. |
| 128 | HEY! OKAY, I GOT MY PASSPORT, |
| 129 | FRESH SOCKS, |
| 130 | AND A SNAKEBITE KIT. |
| 131 | IT'S NOT GOING TO BE EXACTLY LIKE LAST TIME. |
| 132 | ALL RIGHT I'LL SEE YOU GUYS. |
| 133 | WHOA, WHOA. WHOA, WHOA. |
| 134 | WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. |
| 135 | I HAVE AN AUDITION. I'LL HOOK UP WITH YOU LATER. |
| 136 | WHERE WILL YOU BE AROUND NOON? |
| 137 | SOMEWHERE MAYBE ALONG THE EQUATOR. |
| 138 | ( both laughing ) |
| 139 | OKAY. |
| 140 | ( phone rings ) |
| 141 | HELLO. |
| 142 | IT'S GANDALF! |
| 143 | OOOOOOH! OOOOOOH! |
| 144 | SO, YOU IN TOWN? |
| 145 | OH, WELL... |
| 146 | WELL, MAYBE NEXT TIME THEN. |
| 147 | WHAT HAPPENED? |
| 148 | HE'S NOT GOING TO MAKE IT. HE'S STUCK IN CHICAGO. |
| 149 | OH, MAN! |
| 150 | CHICAGO'S SO LUCKY. |
| 151 | STUPID, USELESS |
| 152 | CANADIAN MONEY! |
| 153 | YOU HAVE A VERY IMPRESSIVE RESUME, MS. GREEN. |
| 154 | I ESPECIALLY LIKE WHAT I SEE HERE |
| 155 | ABOUT IMPLEMENTING A NEW FILING SYSTEM. |
| 156 | THANK YOU. |
| 157 | FILING SYSTEM? |
| 158 | YOU MEAN THOSE LITTLE COLORED LABELS |
| 159 | YOU PUT ON ALL THE FOLDERS? |
| 160 | IT BRIGHTENED UP THE INSIDE OF THE FILING CABINETS. |
| 161 | WELL, THEY, UH... THEY... |
| 162 | THEY DID MORE THAN THAT. |
| 163 | I NOTICE THAT YOU'VE BEEN ENTRUSTED |
| 164 | WITH A LOT OF RATHER IMPORTANT RESPONSIBILITIES. |
| 165 | YES. JOANNA REALLY HAS BEEN AN INCREDIBLE MENTOR TO ME. |
| 166 | RACHEL HAS BEEN INCREDIBLE |
| 167 | AT GETTING MY MORNING BAGEL FOR ME. |
| 168 | IT'S AMAZING HOW SHE GETS IT RIGHT ALMOST EVERY TIME. |
| 169 | I... I... OF COURSE... |
| 170 | I HAVE MORE RESPONSIBILITIES THAN THAT. |
| 171 | OF COURSE. WELL, THERE'S THE COFFEE, TOO. |
| 172 | RACHEL CAN CARRY TWO THINGS AT ONCE. |
| 173 | THAT'S... THAT'S VERY GOOD. |
| 174 | NOW... |
| 175 | A, UH... |
| 176 | BIG PART OF THIS JOB |
| 177 | IS CULTIVATING PERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS, |
| 178 | ESPECIALLY WITH DESIGNERS. |
| 179 | YES, I REALIZE THAT. RACHEL SHOULDN'T HAVE ANY PROBLEM. |
| 180 | HER ONLY PROBLEM MIGHT BE GETTING |
| 181 | TOO FRIENDLY, IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? |
| 182 | I LOVE WORKING WITH DESIGNERS. |
| 183 | WITH THEM, UNDER THEM. |
| 184 | WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE, HEY, RACH? |
| 185 | HEY, MY FIRST REVIEW IS OUT. |
| 186 | OH! OH, THE CHELSEA REPORTER. |
| 187 | OH, THESE USED TO KEEP ME SO WARM. |
| 188 | RIGHT. LOOK, I'M ON THE BACK PAGE. |
| 189 | OH! OKAY. |
| 190 | "WOULD I GO BACK TO ALESSANDRO'S? |
| 191 | "SURE. BUT I'D HAVE TO ORDER TWO MEALS-- |
| 192 | "ONE FOR ME AND ONE FOR THE GUY |
| 193 | POINTING THE GUN TO MY HEAD." |
| 194 | WOW! YOU REALLY LAID INTO THIS PLACE. |
| 195 | THEY DON'T PAY ME A PENNY A WORD TO MAKE FRIENDS. |
| 196 | I GOT TO GO. I FOUND A GUY |
| 197 | WHO CAN FIX UP THE VAN FOR CATERING. |
| 198 | OH, DO YOU WANT ME TO GO WITH YOU? |
| 199 | NO, NO, IT'S OKAY. |
| 200 | BUT ARE WE SURE WE DON'T WANT THE WATERBED? |
| 201 | HAVEN'T WE MADE THIS DECISION? |
| 202 | YEAH. ALL RIGHT. |
| 203 | BYE. BYE. |
| 204 | ( intercom buzzes ) |
| 205 | WHO IS IT? |
| 206 | It's Alessandro, from Alessandro's. |
| 207 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 208 | I want to talk to you about your review. |
| 209 | OH, MY GOD. OH, MY GOD. |
| 210 | CALL ME ON THE PHONE. |
| 211 | What, so you can hang up on me? |
| 212 | LOOK. I'M NEVER GOING TO LET YOU UP |
| 213 | SO YOU MAY AS WELL JUST GO AWAY. |
| 214 | Give me a chance to... |
| 215 | Phoebe: You need to get in? Here you go. |
| 216 | NO, PHOEBE! |
| 217 | Oh, hey, Monica. |
| 218 | I WANT A RETRACTION. |
| 219 | OUR FOOD IS NOT INEDIBLE SWILL! |
| 220 | I COULDN'T EAT IT. |
| 221 | I HAVE FIVE FRIENDS WHO COULDN'T EAT IT |
| 222 | AND ONE OF THEM EATS BOOKS. |
| 223 | WELL, OUR SERVICE IS NOT GROSSLY INCOMPETENT. |
| 224 | THE WAITER CARRIED THE BREADSTICKS IN HIS PANTS. |
| 225 | WELL... YOU SAID THAT WE ACCEPT THE DISCOVER CARD |
| 226 | WHICH WE DO NOT. |
| 227 | ALL RIGHT. THAT I'LL RETRACT, BUT I STAND BY MY REVIEW. |
| 228 | I KNOW FOOD, AND THAT WASN'T IT. |
| 229 | YOUR MARINARA SAUCE TASTES LIKE TOMATO JUICE. |
| 230 | YOU SHOULD SERVE IT WITH VODKA AND A PIECE OF CELERY. |
| 231 | I'M PROUD OF THAT SAUCE. IT'S DELICIOUS. |
| 232 | OH, MY GOD! |
| 233 | YOU OWN AN ITALIAN RESTAURANT AND YOU THINK THAT TASTES GOOD? |
| 234 | WHERE ARE YOU EVEN FROM? |
| 235 | LEBANON. |
| 236 | HAND ME THOSE TOMATOES. |
| 237 | I'M GOING TO SHOW YOU WHAT IT SHOULD TASTE LIKE. |
| 238 | COME ON. HAND THEM TO ME. |
| 239 | HOW LONG IS THIS GOING TO TAKE, BECAUSE I GOT |
| 240 | ANOTHER CRITIC I GOT TO GO YELL AT. |
| 241 | ( clears throat ): UH, JOANNA? |
| 242 | I WANT TO TALK ABOUT THAT INTERVIEW. |
| 243 | I THOUGHT IT WENT VERY WELL. |
| 244 | NO, IT DIDN'T. |
| 245 | THAT'S WHAT I WANT TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT. |
| 246 | NOW, JUST TO BRIEF YOU... |
| 247 | I MAY CRY |
| 248 | BUT THEY ARE NOT TEARS OF SADNESS |
| 249 | OR OF ANGER |
| 250 | BUT JUST OF ME HAVING THIS DISCUSSION WITH YOU. |
| 251 | RACHEL, PLEASE. DON'T MAKE A SCENE. |
| 252 | THERE'S NOBODY HERE. |
| 253 | SOPHIE, GET IN HERE! |
| 254 | YOU SEE? YOU'RE MAKING SOPHIE UNCOMFORTABLE. |
| 255 | SHE'S NOT MAKING ME UNCOMFORTABLE. |
| 256 | CONGRATULATIONS. YOU CROSSED THE LINE INTO COMPLETELY USELESS. |
| 257 | GET OUT. |
| 258 | DO YOU WANT ME TO QUIT? |
| 259 | WHAT? |
| 260 | WHAT WOULD MAKE YOU THINK THAT? |
| 261 | WELL, ALL OF THOSE THINGS THAT YOU SAID IN THE INTERVIEW. |
| 262 | IF YOU BELIEVE ANY OF THEM |
| 263 | I MUST NOT BE A VERY GOOD ASSISTANT. |
| 264 | YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 265 | I AM JUST GOING TO PACK UP MY DESK... |
| 266 | ( rattling drawer ) |
| 267 | AND I WILL BE GONE BY THE END OF THE DAY. |
| 268 | WELL, I GUESS THERE'S NO USE |
| 269 | ME STICKING AROUND TILL THE END OF THE DAY. |
| 270 | ALL RIGHT. WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. |
| 271 | YOU CAN PUT YOUR SAD, LITTLE MUFFIN |
| 272 | BACK IN ITS DRAWER. |
| 273 | IF YOU MUST KNOW THE TRUTH, |
| 274 | I DIDN'T WANT TO LOSE A PERFECTLY GOOD ASSISTANT. |
| 275 | WHAT? |
| 276 | THAT'S WHY I SAID ALL THOSE THINGS |
| 277 | ABOUT YOUR FLIRTING AND YOUR DRINKING. |
| 278 | MY DRINKING? |
| 279 | OH. I MUST HAVE SAID THAT AFTER YOU LEFT. |
| 280 | SAID WHAT, EXACTLY? |
| 281 | YOU ENJOY THE OCCASIONAL DRINK...ING BINGE. |
| 282 | ( gasps ) |
| 283 | OH, MY GOD! |
| 284 | OH! THAT IS IT! I AM LEAVING! |
| 285 | YOU ARE JUST A HORRIBLE PERSON. |
| 286 | NO, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. |
| 287 | IF YOU'RE GOING TO GET ALL SENSITIVE ABOUT IT. |
| 288 | I DON'T WANT TO LOSE YOU. |
| 289 | WHAT IF I CREATE A POSITION FOR YOU? |
| 290 | I'LL MAKE YOU ASSISTANT BUYER IN THIS DEPARTMENT. |
| 291 | SAY MORE THINGS LIKE THAT. |
| 292 | UM... |
| 293 | YOU CAN HAVE YOUR OWN OFFICE |
| 294 | AND A RAISE, EFFECTIVE TOMORROW. |
| 295 | I'D NEED AN EXPENSE ACCOUNT. |
| 296 | DONE. |
| 297 | AND AN ASSISTANT. |
| 298 | SOPHIE, GET IN HERE. |
| 299 | However, it seems like a lifetime, doesn't it? |
| 300 | Starting when Stefano used Kristin... |
| 301 | HEY. WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING HERE? |
| 302 | I THOUGHT YOU'D BE OUT PARTYING WITH GAN...DORF. |
| 303 | IT'S GANDALF |
| 304 | AND HE'S NOT COMING. |
| 305 | SO YOU BEEN SITTING AROUND ALL MORNING? |
| 306 | NO. |
| 307 | I BALANCED MY CHECKBOOK. |
| 308 | YEAH, AND I GAVE FIRST NAMES |
| 309 | TO ALL THE FOOSBALL PLAYERS. |
| 310 | I CAN'T BELIEVE HE DIDN'T COME. |
| 311 | SO WHAT IF HE DIDN'T COME? |
| 312 | WE CAN GO OUT AND PARTY OURSELVES. |
| 313 | OH, NO. YOU KNOW, |
| 314 | WITH GANDALF, WE'D BE OUT ALL NIGHT. |
| 315 | YEAH. WE'D MEET... WE'D MEET |
| 316 | TOTAL STRANGERS AND HANG OUT WITH THEM. |
| 317 | WELL, WE COULD DO THAT. |
| 318 | ( sadly ): THERE WAS OTHER STUFF, TOO. |
| 319 | WE'LL DO IT ALL, AND BETTER. |
| 320 | LOOK, AFTER TONIGHT GANDALF WILL WANT |
| 321 | TO PARTY WITH US, DUDE. COME ON! |
| 322 | YEAH! YEAH! |
| 323 | YEAH! IT'S NOT LIKE WE DON'T KNOW HOW TO PARTY. |
| 324 | YEAH! ALL RIGHT! LET'S GO! |
| 325 | MAYBE WE COULD END UP ON A BOAT AGAIN? |
| 326 | YEAH! YEAH! |
| 327 | WELL, ALL RIGHT! |
| 328 | YEAH! |
| 329 | HEY, HEY, HEY. |
| 330 | WHEN, UH... WHEN WERE WE ON A BOAT? |
| 331 | REMEMBER THAT REALLY COLD MORNING |
| 332 | WHEN YOU WOKE UP AND THOSE DOGS WERE LICKING YOUR FACE? |
| 333 | YEAH. THOSE WERE SEALS, MAN. |
| 334 | HEY, LITTLE QUESTION FOR YOU, |
| 335 | HOW DO YOU THINK THIS SUIT WOULD LOOK ON AN ASSISTANT...? |
| 336 | THE OWNER OF ALESSANDRO'S CAME OVER TO YELL AT ME |
| 337 | BUT I MADE HIM SOME SAUCE, AND HE OFFERED ME THE JOB AS HEAD CHEF. |
| 338 | OH, MY GOD! YOU JUST RUINED THE THING IS WAS PRACTICING |
| 339 | THE WHOLE WAY HOME BUT I'M SO HAPPY! |
| 340 | I KNOW! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT? |
| 341 | I FINALLY GET TO RUN MY OWN KITCHEN. |
| 342 | OH, YOU'VE WAITED SO LONG. AW... |
| 343 | HEY. |
| 344 | HEY, PHEEBS, QUICK QUESTION FOR YOU: |
| 345 | HOW DO YOU THINK THIS SUIT WOULD LOOK |
| 346 | ON AN ASSISTANT BUYER AT BLOOMINGDALE'S? |
| 347 | I DON'T KNOW. |
| 348 | IT WOULD TOTALLY DEPEND ON HER COLORING, AND... |
| 349 | YOU GOT THE JOB! |
| 350 | YOU GOT THE JOB?! |
| 351 | WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME? |
| 352 | OH, IT'S GOING TO BE SO GREAT! |
| 353 | I'M GOING TO GET TO HELP DECIDE WHAT WE SELL |
| 354 | AND I'M GOING TO HAVE AN OFFICE WITH WALLS AND EVERYTHING. |
| 355 | I'M GOING TO HAVE WALLS! |
| 356 | OKAY. IS THIS THE DAY OF GOOD NEWS OR WHAT? |
| 357 | I GOT US A JOB-- THE WEDDING RECEPTION. |
| 358 | ( chuckles ) |
| 359 | OH! UM... |
| 360 | PHOEBE, I KIND OF NEED TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT THAT. |
| 361 | ( clears throat ) |
| 362 | UM... WELL, I-I-I THINK IT MIGHT BE TIME FOR ME |
| 363 | TO TAKE A STEP BACK FROM THE CATERING. |
| 364 | BUT WE'VE ONLY HAD ONE JOB. |
| 365 | I KNOW, BUT NOW WE HAVE THIS SECOND ONE |
| 366 | AND IT JUST... IT FEELS LIKE IT'S SNOWBALLING, YOU KNOW? |
| 367 | YEAH. WHAT ARE YOU SAYING? |
| 368 | I GOT OFFERED THE HEAD CHEF JOB AT ALESSANDRO'S. |
| 369 | WHAT? |
| 370 | IT'S OKAY. IF YOU THINK ABOUT IT |
| 371 | YOU DON'T REALLY NEED ME FOR THE BUSINESS. |
| 372 | YOU'RE THE COOK! |
| 373 | WITHOUT YOU, IT'S JUST ME DRIVING UP TO PEOPLE'S HOUSES |
| 374 | WITH EMPTY TRAYS AND ASKING FOR MONEY. |
| 375 | ALL RIGHT, BUT, UM... |
| 376 | WELL, I'LL-I'LL PAY YOU BACK ALL THE MONEY YOU INVESTED |
| 377 | AND YOU CAN KEEP THE VAN. |
| 378 | FOR WHAT? |
| 379 | I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS. |
| 380 | I GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE. |
| 381 | OH, PHOEBE, WAIT A MINUTE. |
| 382 | I'M AN ASSISTANT BUYER! |
| 383 | WE'LL GET A LITTLE COFFEE |
| 384 | GET ENERGIZED, AND WE'LL HEAD BACK OUT. |
| 385 | YEAH. ALL RIGHT. |
| 386 | OKAY. |
| 387 | SO, WE'RE HAVING FUN, RIGHT? |
| 388 | WE DON'T NEED THAT WIZARD GUY. |
| 389 | WE HIT A COUPLE OF CLUBS, TALKED TO SOME STRANGERS |
| 390 | AND AFTER THIS |
| 391 | WE'LL GO DOWN TO THE DOCKS AND SEE ABOUT THAT BOAT THING. |
| 392 | I'M KIND OF BEAT. |
| 393 | ACTUALLY... ME, TOO. |
| 394 | ARE YOU SERIOUS? |
| 395 | YEAH. YEAH. |
| 396 | THANK GOD. I'M EXHAUSTED. |
| 397 | ( sighing ) |
| 398 | SO, YOU GUYS WANT COFFEES? |
| 399 | YEAH, BUT I DON'T WANT TO BE UP TOO LATE |
| 400 | SO I'LL HAVE A DECAF. |
| 401 | YEAH. ME, TOO. |
| 402 | ACTUALLY, COULD I GET SOME HOT WATER |
| 403 | WITH A LITTLE LEMON? |
| 404 | I THINK I STRAINED MY VOICE SCREAMING IN THERE. |
| 405 | DOES IT HAVE TO BE SO LOUD? |
| 406 | OH, I CAN'T HEAR A WORD YOU'RE SAYING |
| 407 | MY EARS ARE RINGING SO BAD. |
| 408 | I'M JUST GLAD I BROUGHT |
| 409 | THAT EXTRA PAIR OF SOCKS, YOU KNOW? |
| 410 | I USED THEM AS MITTENS. |
| 411 | I DIDN'T WANT TO TOUCH A THING |
| 412 | IN THAT LAST PLACE. |
| 413 | HOW SAD ARE WE? |
| 414 | YEAH. I KNOW. |
| 415 | YOU KNOW WHAT? WE'RE NOT SAD. |
| 416 | WE'RE NOT SAD. |
| 417 | WE'RE JUST NOT 21 ANYMORE, YOU KNOW? |
| 418 | I'M 29 YEARS OLD, DAMN IT |
| 419 | AND I WANT TO SIT IN A COMFORTABLE CHAIR |
| 420 | AND WATCH TELEVISION |
| 421 | AND GO TO SLEEP AT A REASONABLE HOUR. |
| 422 | YEAH. YEAH. |
| 423 | YEAH, AND I LIKE |
| 424 | TO HANG OUT IN A QUIET PLACE |
| 425 | WHERE I CAN TALK TO MY FRIENDS. |
| 426 | YEAH. YEAH. |
| 427 | AND SO WHAT IF I LIKE TO GO HOME |
| 428 | THROW ON SOME KENNY G AND TAKE A BATH? |
| 429 | WE'RE 29, WE'RE NOT WOMEN. |
| 430 | OH, THERE YOU ARE. |
| 431 | OKAY. I'M-I'M GLAD |
| 432 | THAT YOU DECIDED TO HEAR ME OUT. |
| 433 | OKAY. I'M HEARING. |
| 434 | OKAY. I'VE BEEN DOING A LOT OF THINKING-- A LOT-- |
| 435 | AND, WELL, I CAME UP WITH A WHOLE BUNCH OF BUSINESSES |
| 436 | THAT YOU CAN DO WITH YOUR VAN. |
| 437 | OKAY. UM... YOU COULD BE A FLOWER DELIVERY PERSON. |
| 438 | WHAT? |
| 439 | OR... |
| 440 | A BAKERY DELIVERY PERSON? |
| 441 | ( stammering ) |
| 442 | PIZZA? |
| 443 | MONICA! |
| 444 | ALL RIGHT. I'VE GOT A WHOLE BUNCH OF STUFF IN THIS AREA |
| 445 | BUT I'M GETTING THE FEELING |
| 446 | THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO DELIVER. |
| 447 | NO. |
| 448 | OKAY. |
| 449 | AND I'M GUESSING IF YOU DON'T WANT TO DELIVER |
| 450 | YOU PROBABLY DON'T WANT TO PICK UP STUFF, EITHER. |
| 451 | NO. |
| 452 | YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 453 | LET'S DO THE CATERING BUSINESS. |
| 454 | REALLY? ARE YOU SURE? |
| 455 | YEAH. YOU KNOW, I-I... |
| 456 | I MADE A COMMITMENT TO YOU, AND... |
| 457 | YOU KNOW, IT'D-IT'D BE FUN. |
| 458 | OH, IT WILL BE FUN! |
| 459 | OH, YAY! |
| 460 | OKAY. LET'S PLAN THE WEDDING RECEPTION. |
| 461 | OKAY. |
| 462 | ( giggles ) |
| 463 | WOW. |
| 464 | YOU REALLY WANTED ME |
| 465 | TO DO SOMETHING WITH THIS VAN. |
| 466 | YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 467 | I WANT YOU TO TAKE THE CHEF JOB. |
| 468 | REALLY? |
| 469 | YEAH. |
| 470 | THAT'S WHAT YOU REALLY WANT. |
| 471 | YEAH. I DON'T WANT TO BE THE REASON YOU'RE UNHAPPY. |
| 472 | THAT WOULD JUST MAKE ME UNHAPPY |
| 473 | AND I REALLY DON'T WANT TO BE THE REASON I'M UNHAPPY. |
| 474 | THANK YOU. |
| 475 | BESIDES, IT MIGHT BE KIND OF FUN |
| 476 | TO FORM THE NEW A-TEAM. |
| 477 | Rachel: OH, HI, MRS. LYNCH. |
| 478 | IS JOANNA IN ALREADY? |
| 479 | OH, MY GOODNESS. YOU HAVEN'T HEARD. |
| 480 | HEARD WHAT? |
| 481 | JOANNA... PASSED AWAY LAST NIGHT. |
| 482 | OH, MY GOD! HOW? |
| 483 | WELL, SHE WAS LEAVING WORK, AND SHE WAS HIT BY A CAB. |
| 484 | OH, MY GOD! |
| 485 | OH, I CANNOT BELIEVE IT. |
| 486 | OH, I KNOW. |
| 487 | OH, GOD. OH, GOD... |
| 488 | OH, GOD. |
| 489 | I DIDN'T REALIZE THAT YOU WERE SO CLOSE. |
| 490 | YES... SO CLOSE. |
| 491 | MRS. LYNCH, I KNOW THAT THIS IS AN EMOTIONAL |
| 492 | AND DIFFICULT TIME FOR ALL OF US... |
| 493 | BUT BY ANY CHANCE DID JOANNA SEND ANY PAPERWORK YOUR WAY |
| 494 | BEFORE... IT HAPPENED? |
| 495 | NO, NOTHING. |
| 496 | IMAGINE... |
| 497 | IF SHE'D JUST STEPPED OFF THAT CURB |
| 498 | A FEW SECONDS LATER. |
| 499 | OH, YES, YES. |
| 500 | JUST A FEW SECONDS AND SHE'D STILL BE WITH US. |
| 501 | NOTHING ABOUT AN ASSISTANT BUYER OR...? |
| 502 | I'M SORRY. |
| 503 | I HAVE TO GO. |
| 504 | ( weeping ) |
| 505 | ( cheerfully ): GOOD MORNING. |
| 506 | OH, SOPHIE, I GUESS |
| 507 | YOU DIDN'T HEAR ABOUT JOANNA. |
| 508 | I SURE DID. |
| 509 | I'M SO EXCITED |
| 510 | ABOUT HAVING MONICA COME ON BOARD WITH US |
| 511 | ALTHOUGH I DO FEEL BAD ABOUT HAVING FIRED CHEF EMILIO. |
| 512 | IT IS LIKE LOSING A MEMBER OF THE FAMILY. |
| 513 | OF COURSE, THAT LITERALLY IS THE CASE |
| 514 | FOR SEVERAL OF YOU. |
| 515 | TONY, CARLOS, MARIE, PLEASE, TELL YOUR FATHER |
| 516 | HOW MUCH WE'RE GOING TO MISS HIM. |
| 517 | NOW, I KNOW THAT MONICA |
| 518 | HAS A LOT OF GREAT IDEAS FOR THIS PLACE-- |
| 519 | WELL, YOU ALL READ THE REVIEW-- |
| 520 | SO, WITHOUT MUCH FURTHER ADO, |
| 521 | I PRESENT TO YOU OUR NEW HEAD CHEF. |
| 522 | UM, I JUST WANT TO SAY, UH, THAT WITH A PINCH OF EXCITEMENT |
| 523 | A DASH OF HARD WORK AND A DOLLOP OF COOPERATION |
| 524 | WE CAN HAVE THE RECIPE... |
| 525 | ARE YOU GOING TO KILL ME? |
| 526 | |
| 1 | HEY. HI. |
| 2 | SORRY I'M LATE. |
| 3 | DID I MISS ANYTHING? |
| 4 | WELL, JOEY STUFFING 15 OREOS IN HIS MOUTH. |
| 5 | FIFTEEN? |
| 6 | YOUR PERSONAL BEST. YEAH. |
| 7 | ( muffled ): MM-MM. |
| 8 | SO, WHERE WERE YOU? |
| 9 | OH, ON A DATE. |
| 10 | I MET THIS GIRL ON THE TRAIN |
| 11 | GOING TO A MUSEUM UPSTATE. |
| 12 | OH, YEAH, HOW'D YOU MEET HER? WHICH MUSEUM? |
| 13 | NO. ANSWER HIS. |
| 14 | OKAY, IT WAS JUST ME AND HER AT THE BACK OF THE TRAIN |
| 15 | AND I SAT NEAR THE DOOR SO SHE'D HAVE TO PASS BY ME |
| 16 | IF SHE WANTED TO, LIKE, SWITCH CARS. |
| 17 | SHE WAS TOTALLY AT MY MERCY. |
| 18 | WERE YOU SO LATE BECAUSE YOU WERE BURYING THIS WOMAN? |
| 19 | NO, I'M GETTING BACK NOW |
| 20 | BECAUSE SHE LIVES IN POUGHKEEPSIE. |
| 21 | SHE SEEMS REALLY GREAT |
| 22 | BUT SHE'S, LIKE, TWO AND A HALF HOURS AWAY. |
| 23 | HOW CAN SHE BE GREAT IF SHE'S FROM POUGHKEEPSIE? |
| 24 | 'KAY, THAT JOKE WOULD'VE KILLED IN ALBANY. |
| 25 | DONE. |
| 26 | I DID IT. |
| 27 | HUH. WHO'S STUPID NOW, HUH? |
| 28 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 29 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 30 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 31 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 32 | ♪ WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY ♪ |
| 33 | ♪ YOUR WEEK, YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 34 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 35 | ♪ WHEN THE RAIN STARTS TO POUR ♪ |
| 36 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 37 | ♪ LIKE I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE ♪ |
| 38 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 39 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME, TOO. ♪ |
| 40 | HEY, THEY'RE LIGHTING |
| 41 | THE BIG CHRISTMAS TREE TONIGHT. |
| 42 | UM, THAT PAPER'S TWO WEEKS OLD. |
| 43 | ALL RIGHT, WHO KEEPS LEAVING OLD NEWSPAPERS IN THE TRASH? |
| 44 | I REALLY WANTED TO TAKE KATHY TO THIS. |
| 45 | I CAN'T BELIEVE I MISSED IT. |
| 46 | HEY, YOU KNOW, AT LEAST |
| 47 | YOU HAVE SOMEBODY TO MISS THAT STUFF WITH. |
| 48 | I HATE BEING ALONE THIS TIME OF YEAR. |
| 49 | NEXT THING YOU KNOW, IT'LL BE VALENTINE'S DAY |
| 50 | THEN MY BIRTHDAY, THEN BANG-- |
| 51 | BEFORE YOU KNOW IT, THEY'RE LIGHTING THAT DAMN TREE AGAIN. |
| 52 | OH, I WANT SOMEBODY. |
| 53 | YOU KNOW? I WANT A MAN. |
| 54 | I MEAN |
| 55 | IT DOESN'T EVEN HAVE TO BE A BIG RELATIONSHIP. |
| 56 | YOU KNOW, JUST A FLING WOULD BE GREAT. |
| 57 | REALLY? I DIDN'T THINK GIRLS EVER JUST WANTED A FLING. |
| 58 | WELL, LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING. |
| 59 | IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME SINCE I'VE BEEN FLUNG. |
| 60 | WELL, I KNOW WHAT I'M GIVING YOU FOR CHRISTMAS. |
| 61 | THERE ARE SOME NICE GUYS |
| 62 | AT MY OFFICE. |
| 63 | YOU WANT ME TO SET YOU UP? |
| 64 | YEAH. WAIT A MINUTE. |
| 65 | IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME THAT I'VE BEEN SINGLE. |
| 66 | HOW COME YOU'VE NEVER OFFERED THIS BEFORE? |
| 67 | WELL, I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND. |
| 68 | I'M... I'M HAPPY. |
| 69 | SO, I NO LONGER FEEL THE NEED TO GO OUT OF MY WAY |
| 70 | TO STOP OTHERS FROM BEING HAPPY. |
| 71 | OKAY. |
| 72 | BUT NO ACCOUNTANTS. |
| 73 | OH, AND NO ONE FROM, LIKE, "LEGAL." |
| 74 | I DON'T LIKE GUYS WITH BORING JOBS. |
| 75 | OH, AND ROSS WAS LIKE, WHAT, A LION TAMER? |
| 76 | HEY! HEY. |
| 77 | WHAT'S WRONG, MON? |
| 78 | EVERYBODY AT THE RESTAURANT STILL HATES ME. |
| 79 | I THOUGHT I WAS MAKING HEADWAY. |
| 80 | EVERYONE WAS SMILING AT ME ALL DAY |
| 81 | AND THEN I'D GET OFF WORK |
| 82 | AND FIND OUT THAT THEY WROTE THIS... |
| 83 | ON MY CHEF'S HAT. |
| 84 | HEY, MAYBE THEY MEANT TO WRITE "QUIET, BITCH." |
| 85 | HEY, HONEY, WHAT'S THE MATTER? |
| 86 | FINE, JUST TRYING TO BE NICE. |
| 87 | I HAVE NOT BEEN PICKED ON THIS MUCH |
| 88 | SINCE I WAS IN KINDERGARTEN |
| 89 | AND THEY HAD TO BRING IN SOMEONE FROM JUNIOR HIGH |
| 90 | TO DO THE SEESAW WITH ME. |
| 91 | ( laughing ) |
| 92 | AW. |
| 93 | THEY'RE DOING EVERYTHING THEY CAN TO MAKE ME QUIT. |
| 94 | IF IT WERE ANY OTHER JOB, I WOULD |
| 95 | BUT THIS IS SOMETHING |
| 96 | I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR MY WHOLE LIFE. |
| 97 | WELL, HONEY, YOU'RE THE BOSS. |
| 98 | WHY DON'T YOU JUST YELL AT THEM? |
| 99 | OR FIRE THEM? |
| 100 | I WOULD LOVE TO, BUT I CAN'T. |
| 101 | YOU KNOW I'M NOT GOOD AT CONFRONTATION. |
| 102 | YOU KNOW WHAT YOU COULD DO? |
| 103 | I REMEMBER READING ABOUT THIS DIRECTOR-- |
| 104 | I THINK IT WAS ORSON WELLES-- |
| 105 | WHO AT THE BEGINNING OF A MOVIE WOULD HIRE SOMEBODY |
| 106 | JUST SO HE COULD FIRE THEM IN FRONT OF EVERYBODY. |
| 107 | THEN THEY WOULD ALL KNOW WHO WAS BOSS. |
| 108 | HEY, MON, I'M NOT DOING ANYTHING. |
| 109 | WHY DON'T YOU |
| 110 | FIRE ME? |
| 111 | THAT'S A GOOD IDEA. |
| 112 | DO YOU KNOW HOW TO WAITER? |
| 113 | GOOD ENOUGH TO GET FIRED. |
| 114 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 115 | YOU'RE HIRED. |
| 116 | HEY. OH. |
| 117 | THAT MUST BE WHY I GOT FIRED LAST WEEK. |
| 118 | DOES THIS ORSON WELLES GUY DIRECT BURGER KING COMMERCIALS? |
| 119 | YES. |
| 120 | I SAY, DREW |
| 121 | ARE YOU SEEING ANYBODY RIGHT NOW? |
| 122 | UH, UH, I'M NOT ASKING FOR ME. UH... |
| 123 | I'M, I'M NOT, I'M NOT GAY. |
| 124 | I'M NOT ASKING YOU OUT. |
| 125 | I-I-I'M NOT GAY. |
| 126 | I DIDN'T THINK YOU WERE GAY. |
| 127 | I DO NOW. |
| 128 | SEE, MY FRIEND, MY FRIEND, RACHEL |
| 129 | SHE WANTS TO BE SET UP. |
| 130 | AH. I JUST GOT OUT OF A BIG RELATIONSHIP. |
| 131 | I'M NOT LOOKING FOR ANYTHING SERIOUS. |
| 132 | OH, WELL, YOU KNOW |
| 133 | THAT MIGHT BE OKAY. |
| 134 | EVEN IF IT WAS JUST KIND OF A FLING |
| 135 | THAT MIGHT BE ALL RIGHT WITH RACHEL. |
| 136 | WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. |
| 137 | IS THIS "HOT RACHEL THAT YOU TOOK |
| 138 | TO THE CHRISTMAS PARTY" RACHEL? |
| 139 | OH, BY THE WAY, THAT IS HER FULL NAME. |
| 140 | OH, WOW. I'M FREE FOR HER. |
| 141 | WAIT A SECOND. |
| 142 | I DIDN'T SAY I WASN'T FREE. |
| 143 | WHY DON'T WE |
| 144 | TALK THIS OVER |
| 145 | AT THE RANGER GAME TOMORROW? |
| 146 | HOLD ON. |
| 147 | YOU KNOW, I JUST GOT A BOX OF CUBANS. |
| 148 | MAYBE I BRING 'EM BY YOUR OFFICE |
| 149 | AROUND, UH, 5:00? |
| 150 | WELL, THAT'S A LITTLE LATER |
| 151 | THAN I, UH, GENERALLY CARE TO STAY |
| 152 | BUT SURE. |
| 153 | MAYBE BEFORE THE GAME |
| 154 | WE CAN ENJOY SOME EIGHT-YEAR-OLD SMALL BATCH BASIL HAYDENS. |
| 155 | WELL, I DON'T REALLY KNOW WHAT THAT IS, BUT LET'S! |
| 156 | HEY, YOU GUYS, I'M WRITING A HOLIDAY SONG FOR EVERYONE. |
| 157 | DO YOU WANT TO HEAR IT? |
| 158 | YEAH. YES. |
| 159 | OKAY. |
| 160 | ( clearing throat ) |
| 161 | ♪ HAPPY HANUKKAH, MONICA ♪ |
| 162 | ♪ MAY YOUR CHRISTMAS BE SNOWY, JOEY ♪ |
| 163 | ♪ HAPPY NEW YEAR, CHANDLER AND ROSS ♪ |
| 164 | ♪ SPIN THE DREIDEL, RACHEL. ♪ |
| 165 | PHEEBS, IT'S GREAT. |
| 166 | OH, YAY. |
| 167 | BUT YOU KNOW, UH |
| 168 | "RACHEL" DOESN'T RHYME WITH "DREIDEL." |
| 169 | I KNOW, BUT IT'S SO HARD. |
| 170 | NOTHING RHYMES WITH YOUR STUPID NAME. |
| 171 | WHAT ARE YOU |
| 172 | TALKING ABOUT? |
| 173 | LOTS OF THINGS RHYME WITH RACHEL. |
| 174 | BAGEL, MALE, JAIL, BAIL, CABLE |
| 175 | MAYPOLE... |
| 176 | ALL GOOD. THANKS. |
| 177 | DO YOU MAYBE HAVE A NICKNAME |
| 178 | THAT'S EASIER TO RHYME? |
| 179 | DIDN'T YOUR DAD |
| 180 | USED TO CALL YOU "PUMPKIN?" |
| 181 | OH, YEAH. PUMPKIN? YEAH? |
| 182 | BUT DID HE EVER CALL YOU, LIKE, "BOODOLPH?" |
| 183 | HELLO, CHILDREN. |
| 184 | ( all greeting Chandler ) |
| 185 | HAVE I GOT THE 50 GUYS FOR YOU! |
| 186 | REALLY? |
| 187 | I SHOWED THEM THIS PICTURE OF YOU |
| 188 | AND GUYS WERE BUYING ME DRINKS |
| 189 | GIVING ME STUFF. |
| 190 | KNICKS TONIGHT? |
| 191 | SURE. WHERE ARE THE SEATS? |
| 192 | WHEREVER. I'VE GOT, LIKE, 20. |
| 193 | SO, WILL I LIKE ANY OF THESE GUYS? |
| 194 | WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 195 | I'M GOING TO, UH... |
| 196 | I'M GOING TO PLAY THE FIELD JUST A LITTLE BIT MORE. |
| 197 | CHANDLER... |
| 198 | GUYS ARE SIGNING OVER THEIR 401(k)s TO ME. |
| 199 | YOU WORK WITH ROBOTS? |
| 200 | YES. |
| 201 | OKAY, THERE IS THIS ONE GUY, PATRICK. |
| 202 | HE'S REALLY NICE, HE'S FUNNY, HE'S A SWIMMER. |
| 203 | OH, I LIKE SWIMMERS' BODIES. |
| 204 | AND HIS FATHER |
| 205 | INVENTED THAT MAGNETIC STRIP ON CREDIT CARDS. |
| 206 | OH! I LIKE CREDIT CARDS. |
| 207 | SEE? NOT BAD |
| 208 | AT THIS "FIXING UP" THING, HUH? |
| 209 | SO, WHAT DOES HE DO? |
| 210 | HE WORKS IN THE FINE FOODS DIVISION. |
| 211 | YOUR COMPANY HAS A FINE FOODS DIVISION? |
| 212 | IT'S A BIG COMPANY. |
| 213 | I... IF YOU... |
| 214 | NOW, WAIT A SECOND. |
| 215 | YOU MAKE FOOD AND ROBOTS? |
| 216 | NO. |
| 217 | NO, THE ROBOTS JUST WORK FOR THEM. |
| 218 | ALL RIGHT, I'M GOING TO GO TO WORK. |
| 219 | DOES ANYBODY HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THAT? |
| 220 | YEAH, LADY, I DO. |
| 221 | I GOT |
| 222 | A PROBLEM WITH THAT. |
| 223 | YOU WANT A PROBLEM? |
| 224 | I'LL GIVE YOU A PROBLEM. |
| 225 | OH, WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO, FIRE ME? |
| 226 | YOU BET YOUR ASS I'M GOING TO FIRE YOU. |
| 227 | SEE YOU LATER. |
| 228 | THANKS. |
| 229 | OH, WOW, I SHOULD GET GOING. |
| 230 | I'VE GOT A DATE TONIGHT. |
| 231 | OH, YEAH? WITH WHO? |
| 232 | YOU KNOW THAT GIRL WHO LIVES IN POUGHKEEPSIE? |
| 233 | YEAH. NOT HER. |
| 234 | YEAH, THIS IS SOMEONE ELSE I MET |
| 235 | AND I-I CAN'T DECIDE BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM. |
| 236 | YOU KNOW, THE ONE FROM POUGHKEEPSIE |
| 237 | EVEN THOUGH SHE'S A TWO-HOUR TRAIN RIDE AWAY |
| 238 | IS REALLY PRETTY, REALLY SMART, AND A LOT OF FUN |
| 239 | BUT THIS OTHER GIRL... |
| 240 | WELL, SHE LIVES RIGHT UPTOWN. |
| 241 | WELL, SHE'S... |
| 242 | WELL, SHE'S, SHE'S JUST AS PRETTY. |
| 243 | I GUESS SHE'S SMART. |
| 244 | SHE'S NOT FUN. |
| 245 | IF SHE'S NO FUN |
| 246 | WHY DO YOU WANT TO DATE HER AT ALL? |
| 247 | WELL, I WANT TO GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE, YOU KNOW? |
| 248 | SHE LIVES SO CLOSE. |
| 249 | AND, AT THE END OF THE DATE THE OTHER TIME |
| 250 | SHE SAID SOMETHING THAT WAS-- IF SHE WAS KIDDING-- |
| 251 | WAS VERY FUNNY. |
| 252 | ON THE OTHER HAND |
| 253 | IF SHE WASN'T KIDDING, SHE'S NOT FUN, SHE'S STUPID |
| 254 | AND KIND OF A RACIST. |
| 255 | HEY. HEY. |
| 256 | HEY, MAN. |
| 257 | OOH, HOW WAS YOUR FIRST DAY WORKING AT THE RESTAURANT? |
| 258 | DAMN! |
| 259 | HEY. HEY. |
| 260 | OH, WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR FANCY CHEF JACKET? |
| 261 | THEY BAKED IT. |
| 262 | I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE. |
| 263 | I'M GOING TO CALL A MEETING. |
| 264 | I'M GOING TO FIRE YOU TONIGHT. |
| 265 | YOU GOT IT. |
| 266 | OH, OH! |
| 267 | WHAT ARE YOU DOING? |
| 268 | YOU'RE STILL A TINY BIT ON FIRE THERE. |
| 269 | OH, THANKS. |
| 270 | LISTEN, I THINK YOU GOT IT. |
| 271 | OH, CHANDLER! |
| 272 | YOU HAVE THE BEST TASTE IN MEN. |
| 273 | WELL, LIKE FATHER, LIKE SON. |
| 274 | PATRICK AND I HAD SUCH A GREAT TIME LAST NIGHT. |
| 275 | I MEAN, I THINK THIS |
| 276 | COULD TURN INTO SOMETHING SERIOUS. |
| 277 | REALLY? I THOUGHT YOU WEREN'T EVEN LOOKING |
| 278 | FOR SOMETHING SERIOUS. |
| 279 | I THOUGHT YOU WERE LOOKING FOR SOME KIND OF A FLING. |
| 280 | WELL, YOU KNOW, POSSIBLY. |
| 281 | YOU DIDN'T... TELL HIM THAT, THOUGH... RIGHT? |
| 282 | W'UH... |
| 283 | NO? |
| 284 | YOU TOLD THIS GUY THAT I WAS LOOKING FOR A FLING?! |
| 285 | YOU DON'T TELL THE GUY THAT! |
| 286 | I'D BE THRILLED IF I HEARD |
| 287 | THAT SOME HOT GIRL WAS JUST LOOKING TO GET... |
| 288 | OH, I SEE. |
| 289 | OH! BETWEEN YOU TELLING HIM I WANTED TO HAVE A FLING |
| 290 | AND ME PUTTING OUT ON THE FIRST DATE |
| 291 | OH, HE'S SO GOING TO GET THE WRONG IDEA! |
| 292 | JOEY, COULD YOU PASS THE CHEESE? |
| 293 | YEAH. LISTEN, I'D PREFER IT |
| 294 | IF YOU WOULDN'T |
| 295 | CALL ME JOEY. |
| 296 | SINCE I DON'T KNOW ANYONE HERE |
| 297 | I THOUGHT IT MIGHT BE FUN |
| 298 | TO TRY OUT A COOL WORK NICKNAME. |
| 299 | HEY, DRAGON. |
| 300 | HERE'S YOUR TIPS FROM MONDAY AND TUESDAY. |
| 301 | OH. LOOKS LIKE THERE'S, LIKE, 300 BUCKS IN THIS ONE. |
| 302 | YEAH, PEOPLE GET PRETTY GENEROUS |
| 303 | AROUND THE HOLIDAYS. |
| 304 | AND IT NEVER HURTS TO WEAR TIGHT TROUSERS. |
| 305 | OKAY. |
| 306 | WOULD THE WAITERS GATHER 'ROUND |
| 307 | TO HEAR TONIGHT'S SPECIALS? |
| 308 | FIRST, THERE'S A CHILEAN SEA BASS |
| 309 | PREPARED WITH A MANGO RELISH ON A BED... |
| 310 | WHY IS NOBODY WRITING THESE DOWN? |
| 311 | BECAUSE WE CAN REMEMBER THEM. |
| 312 | AND BECAUSE YOU'RE ALL GOING TO MAKE UP FAKE SPECIALS |
| 313 | AND MAKE ME COOK THEM |
| 314 | LIKE YOU DID THE OTHER NIGHT? |
| 315 | WELL, SURE, THAT, TOO. |
| 316 | OKAY. FORGET THE SPECIALS FOR A MINUTE. |
| 317 | UM, ALL RIGHT, HERE'S THE THING. |
| 318 | FOR THE LAST TWO WEEKS, I HAVE, UH... |
| 319 | TRIED REALLY HARD TO CREATE A POSITIVE ATMOSPHERE. |
| 320 | CAN'T HEAR YOU. |
| 321 | A POSITIVE ATMOSPHERE... |
| 322 | BUT I-I'VE HAD IT UP TO HERE. |
| 323 | FROM NOW ON, IT IS GOING TO BE MY WAY... |
| 324 | OR THE HIGHWAY, ALL RIGHT? |
| 325 | DOES ANYBODY HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THAT? |
| 326 | HEY, NEW GUY? |
| 327 | I SAID... |
| 328 | DOES ANYBODY HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THAT? |
| 329 | NO, MA'AM. |
| 330 | HEY, HE HAS A NAME. |
| 331 | IT'S DRAGON. |
| 332 | YOU WANT TO KNOW YOUR NAME? |
| 333 | CHECK YOUR HAT. |
| 334 | WE DID THE HAT, RIGHT? |
| 335 | WHAT HAPPENED? I AM SO SORRY. |
| 336 | I WAS GOING TO DO IT. REALLY. |
| 337 | BUT THEN I WAS STANDING THERE |
| 338 | WITH $327 IN ONE HAND |
| 339 | AND $238 IN THE OTHER HAND |
| 340 | AND I WAS THINKING, "WOW. |
| 341 | IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME SINCE I HAD..." |
| 342 | 327 PLUS $238. |
| 343 | JOEY, WE HAD A DEAL. |
| 344 | THAT'S WHY YOU'RE HERE. |
| 345 | I'VE GOT TO FIRE YOU. |
| 346 | AND I'VE GOT TO PAY RENT. |
| 347 | ( sighs ) |
| 348 | LOOK |
| 349 | HOW ABOUT THIS? |
| 350 | YOU DON'T FIRE ME. |
| 351 | INSTEAD, I STAY HERE, I GAIN THEIR TRUST |
| 352 | AND THEY'LL START LISTENING TO ALL THE NICE THINGS |
| 353 | I'VE BEEN SAYING ABOUT YOU. |
| 354 | WHAT KIND OF THINGS YOU BEEN SAYING? |
| 355 | NOTHING YET. |
| 356 | THEY REALLY HATE YOU AND I WANT TO FIT IN. |
| 357 | ♪ HAPPY, HAPPY HANUKKAH ♪ |
| 358 | ♪ CHANDLER AND MONICA ♪ |
| 359 | ♪ MERRY, MERRY... ♪ |
| 360 | OOH, YOU KNOW... YOU KNOW WHAT, PHEEBS? |
| 361 | I'M NOT JEWISH, SO... |
| 362 | SO ROSS DOESN'T REALLY DECORATE HIS TREE WITH FLOSS |
| 363 | BUT YOU DON'T HEAR HIM COMPLAINING, DO YOU? GOD! |
| 364 | ( yells out ) |
| 365 | WHAT? |
| 366 | BAD DREAM? |
| 367 | I WASN'T SLEEPING. |
| 368 | OH, YEAH? |
| 369 | THEN WHAT WAS PHOEBE'S SONG ABOUT? |
| 370 | THE ONE WITH THE CAT. |
| 371 | I GOT TO GO. |
| 372 | I GOT ANOTHER DATE. |
| 373 | OH, SO DID YOU PICK ONE YET? |
| 374 | NO. |
| 375 | IT TURNS OUT THE ONE FROM UPTOWN WAS MAKING A JOKE |
| 376 | BUT IT WAS A DIFFERENT JOKE THAN I THOUGHT. |
| 377 | IT WASN'T THAT FUNNY. |
| 378 | SO I'M STILL TORN. |
| 379 | YOU DON'T REALLY LIKE THE ONE UPTOWN |
| 380 | AND YOU'RE TOO EXHAUSTED FROM DATING THE ONE IN POUGHKEEPSIE |
| 381 | SO I SAY YOU END THEM BOTH. |
| 382 | TAKE A TRAIN UP TO POUGHKEEPSIE AND YOU BREAK UP WITH HER |
| 383 | AND ON YOUR WAY BACK, YOU BREAK UP WITH UPTOWN |
| 384 | AND THEN BY THE TIME YOU GET HOME TONIGHT |
| 385 | YOU'RE DONE. |
| 386 | YOU KNOW WHAT, YOU'RE RIGHT. |
| 387 | THANK YOU. |
| 388 | YEAH. I HAD A SIMILAR PROBLEM WHEN I LIVED IN PRAGUE. |
| 389 | PRAGUE? |
| 390 | SO MUCH YOU DON'T KNOW. |
| 391 | ( slams ) |
| 392 | ( thuds ) |
| 393 | CHANDLER |
| 394 | PATRICK JUST ENDED THINGS WITH ME. |
| 395 | DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT TELL HIM |
| 396 | THAT I WAS LOOKING FOR A SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP? |
| 397 | I DID! I ABSOLUTELY DID! |
| 398 | YOU IDIOT! |
| 399 | I'M SURE YOU'RE RIGHT, BUT WHY? |
| 400 | YOU DON'T TELL A GUY |
| 401 | THAT YOU'RE LOOKING FOR A SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP. |
| 402 | YOU DON'T TELL THE GUY THAT! |
| 403 | NOW YOU SCARED HIM AWAY. |
| 404 | OH, MAN. I AM SORRY. |
| 405 | I AM SO, SO SORRY. |
| 406 | YOU KNOW, YOU SHOULD NEVER BE ALLOWED TO TALK TO PEOPLE. |
| 407 | I KNOW! I KNOW! |
| 408 | NOW I'M RIGHT BACK WHERE I STARTED. |
| 409 | OH, THIS SUCKS. |
| 410 | BEING ALONE SUCKS! |
| 411 | YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 412 | YOU'RE GOING TO MEET SOMEBODY. |
| 413 | YOU'RE A GREAT CATCH. |
| 414 | WHEN I WAS TELLING ALL THOSE GUYS ABOUT YOU |
| 415 | I DIDN'T HAVE TO LIE ONCE. |
| 416 | REALLY? |
| 417 | YEAH. |
| 418 | YOU GRADUATED MAGNA CUM LAUDE, RIGHT? |
| 419 | NO. |
| 420 | AW, IT DOESN'T MATTER. |
| 421 | HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 422 | I GOT TWO TICKETS TO TONIGHT'S RANGER GAME. |
| 423 | YOU WANT TO COME WITH ME? |
| 424 | CUTE GUYS IN LITTLE SHORTS? |
| 425 | SURE. |
| 426 | WELL, ACTUALLY, IT'S A HOCKEY TEAM |
| 427 | SO IT'S ANGRY CANADIANS WITH NO TEETH. |
| 428 | WELL, THAT SOUNDS FUN, TOO. |
| 429 | THANK YOU. |
| 430 | OKAY. |
| 431 | HAVE YOU EVER BEEN WITH A WOMAN? |
| 432 | WHAT? |
| 433 | CHANDLER, WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU? |
| 434 | SO THERE IS NO GOOD TIME TO ASK THAT QUESTION. |
| 435 | THE STATION IS POUGHKEEPSIE. |
| 436 | POUGHKEEPSIE. |
| 437 | ROSS? |
| 438 | ROSS? |
| 439 | WAKE UP. |
| 440 | ROSS? |
| 441 | ROS... ROSS! |
| 442 | ROSS! ROSS! |
| 443 | I NEED MORE SWORDFISH. |
| 444 | CAN YOU GET ME SOME MORE SWORDFISH? |
| 445 | I DON'T SPEAK ENGLISH. |
| 446 | YOU DID A MINUTE AGO. |
| 447 | WELL, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO TELL YA. |
| 448 | FINE. |
| 449 | OKAY, VERY FUNNY. |
| 450 | ( banging ): CAN SOMEBODY LET ME OUT, PLEASE? |
| 451 | COME ON, I'M COLD! |
| 452 | ( clattering pans ) |
| 453 | AND COVERED IN MARINARA SAUCE! |
| 454 | ( banging ): COME ON, LET ME OUT! |
| 455 | YOU FOUND THAT HANDLE, DID YA? |
| 456 | THAT'S NOT FUNNY. |
| 457 | WELL, THAT'S NOT TRUE. |
| 458 | I'M A GOOD PERSON |
| 459 | AND I'M A GOOD CHEF |
| 460 | AND I DON'T DESERVE TO HAVE MARINARA SAUCE ALL OVER ME. |
| 461 | IF YOU WANT ME TO QUIT THIS BAD |
| 462 | ALL YOU HAVE TO... |
| 463 | HEY! CHEF GELLER. |
| 464 | YOU KNOW THAT LITTLE SPEECH YOU MADE THE OTHER DAY? |
| 465 | WELL, I GOT A PROBLEM WITH IT. |
| 466 | YOU DO? |
| 467 | YOU BET I DO. |
| 468 | I JUST, UH... |
| 469 | WASN'T LISTENING THEN, IS ALL. |
| 470 | WELL, IF YOU WANT A PROBLEM |
| 471 | I'LL GIVE YOU A PROBLEM. |
| 472 | WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO, FIRE ME? |
| 473 | YOU BET YOUR ASS I'M GOING TO FIRE YOU. |
| 474 | NOW, GET OUT OF MY KITCHEN! |
| 475 | GET OUT! |
| 476 | ALL RIGHT |
| 477 | ANYBODY ELSE GOT A PROBLEM? |
| 478 | HOW ABOUT YOU, CHUCKLES? |
| 479 | YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY NOW? |
| 480 | NO. |
| 481 | HOW ABOUT IF DANCE AROUND |
| 482 | ALL COVERED IN SAUCE, HUH? |
| 483 | YOU THINK IT'S FUNNY NOW? |
| 484 | NO. IT'S REALLY GOOD. |
| 485 | GOOD. |
| 486 | NOW, TAKE THOSE SALADS TO TABLE FOUR |
| 487 | AND YOU, GET THE SWORDFISH |
| 488 | AND YOU-- |
| 489 | GET A HAIRCUT. |
| 490 | LAST STOP, MONTREAL. |
| 491 | THE STOP IS MONTREAL. |
| 492 | WHAT? |
| 493 | I MADE A BET WITH MYSELF THAT YOU HAD BEAUTIFUL EYES. |
| 494 | NOW THAT I SEE THEM, I WIN. |
| 495 | WHAT? |
| 496 | WE'RE AT MY STOP |
| 497 | BUT WOULD YOU LIKE TO HAVE COFFEE? |
| 498 | ARE WE REALLY IN MONTREAL? |
| 499 | YES, WE ARE. |
| 500 | SO, COFFEE? |
| 501 | COFFEE SOUNDS GREAT. |
| 502 | WAIT. SO, YOU LIVE IN MONTREAL? |
| 503 | NO, BUT IT'S JUST A TWO-HOUR FERRY RIDE TO NOVA SCOTIA. |
| 504 | ( loudly ): WELL, I SHOULD HAVE THOUGHT ABOUT MY WIFE AND KIDS |
| 505 | BEFORE I TALKED BACK TO CHEF GELLER. |
| 506 | ( quietly ): THANKS. |
| 507 | YEP, LOOKS LIKE IT'S GOING TO BE A LEAN CHRISTMAS |
| 508 | AT THE DRAGON HOUSE THIS YEAR. |
| 509 | ENOUGH. |
| 510 | LEAN, LEAN, LEAN. |
| 511 | ♪ WENT TO THE STORE, SAT ON SANTA'S LAP ♪ |
| 512 | ♪ ASKED HIM TO BRING MY FRIENDS ALL KINDS OF CRAP ♪ |
| 513 | ♪ HE SAID ALL YOU NEED IS TO WRITE THEM A SONG ♪ |
| 514 | ♪ THEY HAVEN'T HEARD IT YET SO DON'T TRY TO SING ALONG ♪ |
| 515 | ♪ NO, DON'T SING ALONG ♪ |
| 516 | ♪ MONICA, MONICA ♪ |
| 517 | ♪ HAVE A HAPPY HANUKKAH ♪ |
| 518 | ♪ SAW SANTA CLAUS ♪ |
| 519 | ♪ HE SAID HELLO TO ROSS ♪ |
| 520 | ( strumming ) |
| 521 | ♪ AND PLEASE TELL JOEY ♪ |
| 522 | ♪ CHRISTMAS WILL BE SNOWY... ♪ |
| 523 | ♪ AND RACHEL AND CHANDLER ♪ |
| 524 | ♪ HAS A...( mumbles ) HANDLER. ♪ |
| 525 | [Captioned by The Caption Center WGBH Educational Foundation] |
| 526 | |
| 1 | I CAN'T BELIEVE |
| 2 | MY LITTLE BROTHER IS MARRIED. |
| 3 | I KNOW. |
| 4 | ( squeals ) |
| 5 | YOU GUYS, WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME |
| 6 | YOU WERE ELOPING? |
| 7 | WE WERE AT THE COURTHOUSE. |
| 8 | WE WERE HAVING LUNCH... |
| 9 | WAIT. WHY WERE YOU AT THE COURTHOUSE? |
| 10 | WE WERE HAVING LUNCH. |
| 11 | YEAH, AND THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN, WE WERE, LIKE |
| 12 | "HEY, YOU KNOW, WE'RE HERE. |
| 13 | WE'RE HAVING LUNCH. |
| 14 | LET'S GET MARRIED!" RIGHT? |
| 15 | WOW. A YEAR AND A HALF AGO |
| 16 | I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW I HAD A BROTHER. |
| 17 | NOW I HAVE A SISTER, TOO. |
| 18 | ( all laughing ) |
| 19 | OH, IT'S SO GREAT. OH... |
| 20 | ( moaning ) |
| 21 | OKAY. |
| 22 | OKAY. |
| 23 | STOP IT. DON'T. |
| 24 | OH. |
| 25 | SO, OOH, I'M GOING TO GET YOU A GIFT NOW. |
| 26 | IS THERE ANYTHING YOU NEED? |
| 27 | OH... YEAH. |
| 28 | WE'VE BEEN TRYING TO GET PREGNANT |
| 29 | UH, PRETTY MUCH EVER SINCE |
| 30 | WE GOT ENGAGED. |
| 31 | THOUGHT WE'D GET A JUMP ON THINGS. |
| 32 | YOU KNOW, NO ONE'S GETTING ANY YOUNGER. |
| 33 | ( laughing ) |
| 34 | 'CAUSE THE THING IS |
| 35 | UM, WE'RE NOT ABLE TO, YOU KNOW |
| 36 | UH, CONCEIVE, YOU KNOW? |
| 37 | AND WE'VE TRIED EVERYTHING. |
| 38 | WE'VE SEEN A BUNCH OF DOCTORS. |
| 39 | YEAH, AND THEY... THEY SAY THAT... |
| 40 | THAT OUR ONLY CHANCE TO HAVE A BABY |
| 41 | IS IF THEY TAKE MY SPERM |
| 42 | HER EGG, AND PUT IT TOGETHER IN A DISH |
| 43 | AND THEN PUT IT INTO ANOTHER GIRL. |
| 44 | SO WE WERE WONDERING |
| 45 | IF YOU COULD BE THE GIRL THAT WE COULD PUT IT INTO. |
| 46 | THAT'S A REALLY NICE GIFT. |
| 47 | I WAS THINKING OF, LIKE, A GRAVY BOAT. |
| 48 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 49 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 50 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 51 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 52 | ♪ WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY ♪ |
| 53 | ♪ YOUR WEEK, YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 54 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 55 | ♪ WHEN THE RAIN STARTS TO POUR ♪ |
| 56 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 57 | ♪ LIKE I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE ♪ |
| 58 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 59 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME, TOO. ♪ |
| 60 | HEY! YOU GUYS. |
| 61 | CHECK IT OUT, CHECK IT OUT. |
| 62 | GUESS WHAT JOB I JUST GOT. |
| 63 | I DON'T KNOW, BUT DONALD TRUMP WANTS HIS BLUE BLAZER BLACK. |
| 64 | WHAT? |
| 65 | BLUE BLAZER BACK. |
| 66 | HE-HE WANTS IT BACK. |
| 67 | WELL, Y-YOU SAID "BLACK." |
| 68 | WHY WOULD HE WANT HIS BLUE BLAZER BLACK? |
| 69 | WELL, YOU-YOU KNOW WHAT I MEANT. |
| 70 | NO. YOU'VE MESSED IT UP. |
| 71 | YOU'RE STUPID. |
| 72 | SO, WHAT JOB DID YOU GET, JOE? |
| 73 | OH. UH, TOUR GUIDE AT THE MUSEUM. |
| 74 | YEAH. ROSS GOT IT FOR ME. |
| 75 | DON'T YOU HAVE TO BE A DINOSAUR EXPERT OR SOMETHING? |
| 76 | NO, NOT REALLY. |
| 77 | THEY GIVE YOU ALL THE INFORMATION. |
| 78 | IT'S, UH, IT'S LIKE MEMORIZING A SCRIPT. YEAH. |
| 79 | "AND ON YOUR LEFT, YOU HAVE TYRANNOSAURUS REX |
| 80 | A CARNIVORE FROM THE JURASSIC PERIOD." |
| 81 | ( appreciative remarks ) |
| 82 | UH, ACTUALLY, JOEY |
| 83 | IT'S THE CRETACEOUS PERIOD. |
| 84 | YEAH, BUT I CAN PRONOUNCE "JURASSIC." |
| 85 | All: HEY. HEY! |
| 86 | GUESS WHAT? |
| 87 | FRANK, JR. AND ALICE GOT MARRIED. |
| 88 | ( excited comments ) |
| 89 | AND THEY'RE HAVING A BABY. |
| 90 | ( all gasping ) |
| 91 | AND, AND, THEY WANT ME TO GROW IT FOR THEM IN MY UTERUS. |
| 92 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 93 | ARE YOU SERIOUS? |
| 94 | YEAH. |
| 95 | YOU'RE REALLY THINKING |
| 96 | OF HAVING SEX WITH YOUR BROTHER? |
| 97 | EWW! AND, OH NO! |
| 98 | IT'S... THEY WANT ME TO BE THE SURROGATE. |
| 99 | IT'S HER EGG AND HIS SPERM, AND I'M-I'M JUST THE OVEN. |
| 100 | IT'S TOTALLY THEIR BUN. |
| 101 | OH. |
| 102 | WHAT DID YOU TELL THEM? |
| 103 | WELL, THEY SAID |
| 104 | I HAD TO THINK ABOUT IT FIRST |
| 105 | BUT WHAT IS THERE TO THINK OF? |
| 106 | I'M GOING TO BE GIVING SOMEONE |
| 107 | THE GREATEST GIFT YOU CAN POSSIBLY GIVE. |
| 108 | YOU'RE GOING TO CARRY THEIR CHILD AND GET THEM |
| 109 | A SONY PLAY STATION? |
| 110 | HONEY, THIS REALLY IS AN INCREDIBLE THING TO DO FOR THEM |
| 111 | BUT THERE ARE THINGS TO THINK ABOUT. |
| 112 | YEAH. I MEAN, YOU'D BE PREGNANT. |
| 113 | I MEAN, PREGNANT. |
| 114 | I KNOW. |
| 115 | PHEEBS, YOU'RE TALKING |
| 116 | ABOUT PUTTING YOUR BODY THROUGH AN AWFUL LOT. |
| 117 | I MEAN, MORNING SICKNESS, UH... LABOR |
| 118 | AND IT'S ALL FOR SOMEBODY ELSE. |
| 119 | YEAH. WHAT'S YOUR POINT? |
| 120 | WELL, THE STUFF I JUST MENTIONED. |
| 121 | WOW. I DON'T KNOW IF I COULD EVER DO THAT. |
| 122 | YOU KNOW, I ALWAYS FIGURED THE FIRST TIME I HAD A BABY |
| 123 | IT WOULD BE WITH SOMEONE I LOVE, AND THAT BABY WAS, YOU KNOW... |
| 124 | A KEEPER. |
| 125 | YOU KNOW, YOU GUYS WERE A LOT MORE SUPPORTIVE |
| 126 | WHEN I WANTED TO MAKE DENIM FURNITURE. |
| 127 | PHEEBS, LISTEN, IF YOU DECIDE TO DO THIS |
| 128 | WE'LL BE SUPPORTIVE LIKE CRAZY. |
| 129 | YEAH. YEAH. |
| 130 | JUST THINK IT THROUGH. |
| 131 | TALK TO SOMEBODY WHO'S HAD A BABY. |
| 132 | LIKE YOUR MOM. |
| 133 | MY MOM NEVER GAVE BIRTH. |
| 134 | OH, BUT MY BIRTH MOM DID. |
| 135 | MMM, I LOVE THIS TUSHIE. |
| 136 | CAN I TAKE IT TO WORK WITH ME? |
| 137 | OH, YEAH, SURE. IT'S NOT MINE ANYWAY. |
| 138 | IT CAME WITH THE PANTS. |
| 139 | OH. |
| 140 | I AM SO JEALOUS. |
| 141 | YOU GUYS ARE REALLY JUST RIGHT THERE, AREN'T YOU? |
| 142 | YES. |
| 143 | RIGHT WHERE? |
| 144 | THE BEGINNING WHERE... YOU KNOW, IT'S ALL SEX |
| 145 | AND TALKING AND SEX AND TALKING AND... |
| 146 | YEAH. YOU-YOU GOT TO LOVE THE TALKING. |
| 147 | AND THE SEX? |
| 148 | WE HAVEN'T HAD SEX YET. |
| 149 | OKAY, BUT WHAT'S |
| 150 | THE BIG DEAL, YOU KNOW? |
| 151 | THIS IS SPECIAL, AND I WANT OUR LOVE TO GROW |
| 152 | BEFORE WE MOVE ON TO THE NEXT LEVEL. |
| 153 | OH, CHANDLER, THAT IS SO NICE. |
| 154 | THAT IS REALLY NICE... |
| 155 | LYING. |
| 156 | NO WAY IS THAT THE REASON. |
| 157 | WHY? |
| 158 | JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT MATURE ENOUGH TO UNDERSTAND? |
| 159 | NO, HE'S RIGHT. |
| 160 | I'M TOTALLY LYING. |
| 161 | THEN WHAT IS IT? |
| 162 | WELL, KATHY'S LAST BOYFRIEND WAS JOEY. |
| 163 | AND YOU'RE AFRAID YOU WON'T BE ABLE TO... |
| 164 | "FILL HIS SHOES." |
| 165 | NO, I'M AFRAID I WON'T BE ABLE TO MAKE LOVE AS WELL AS HIM. |
| 166 | YEAH. I WAS GOING FOR THE METAPHOR. |
| 167 | YES, AND I WAS SAYING THE ACTUAL WORDS. |
| 168 | Monica: WELL, BIG DEAL. |
| 169 | SO JOEY'S HAD A LOT OF GIRLFRIENDS. |
| 170 | THAT DOESN'T MEAN HE'S GREAT IN BED. |
| 171 | WE SHARE A WALL. |
| 172 | SO EITHER HE'S GREAT IN BED |
| 173 | OR SHE JUST LIKED TO AGREE WITH HIM A LOT. |
| 174 | SWEETIE, WITH YOU, IT'S GOING TO BE DIFFERENT. |
| 175 | THE SEX IS GOING TO BE GREAT |
| 176 | 'CAUSE YOU-YOU GUYS ARE IN LOVE. |
| 177 | YEAH? |
| 178 | Rachel: YEAH. |
| 179 | JUST GO FOR IT, CHANDLER. |
| 180 | YEAH. YOU SHOULD. YEAH. |
| 181 | ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. I'LL SLEEP WITH MY GIRLFRIEND |
| 182 | BUT I'M JUST DOING IT FOR YOU GUYS. |
| 183 | OKAY. NOW THE MASTODON IS FROM THE SEMI-LATE JURASSIC PERIOD. |
| 184 | ISN'T THE MASTODON FROM THE PLIOCENE EPOCH? |
| 185 | SHH. THIS IS A MUSEUM. |
| 186 | NO TALKING. |
| 187 | OKAY. RIGHT DOWN HERE, WE HAVE... |
| 188 | A LARGE FOOT. |
| 189 | UH... AND OVER HERE, WE HAVE ROSS GELLER. |
| 190 | EVERYONE WAVE HI TO ROSS. |
| 191 | ROSS IS ONE OF OUR MOST IMPORTANT SCIENTISTS. |
| 192 | LOOK AT HIM HARD AT WORK. |
| 193 | OKAY. MOVING RIGHT ALONG. |
| 194 | COME ON. |
| 195 | ( knocking on door ) |
| 196 | IT'S OPEN. COME IN. |
| 197 | HI. HI. |
| 198 | I'M SORRY I'M LATE. |
| 199 | OH, THAT'S OKAY. |
| 200 | IT GAVE ME TIME TO FINISH, UH, GLAZING MY NIPPLES. |
| 201 | WOW. YOU REALLY GO ALL OUT WHEN YOU'RE EXPECTING COMPANY. |
| 202 | NO, I WAS WORKING ON MY POTTERY. |
| 203 | OH. OH! OH, I DIDN'T KNOW THAT YOU DID... |
| 204 | POT. |
| 205 | WELL, YEAH, UH, MOSTLY NUDES. |
| 206 | IT COMBINES MY TWO PASSIONS: POTTERY AND EROTICA. |
| 207 | OH. OOH! "ERROTERY." |
| 208 | HEY! OKAY. |
| 209 | WELL, THANKS FOR COMING OUT TO SEE ME. |
| 210 | I JUST THOUGHT IT WOULD BE A VERY GOOD IDEA |
| 211 | TO TALK ABOUT THIS BABY STUFF IN PERSON. |
| 212 | OKAY. |
| 213 | ( sighs ) |
| 214 | I DON'T THINK IT'S A VERY GOOD IDEA. |
| 215 | WHY NOT? |
| 216 | WELL, BECAUSE YOU'D BE GIVING UP A BABY |
| 217 | AND I-I REALLY DON'T... |
| 218 | I DON'T KNOW IF THERE'S ANYTHING THAT I COULD SAY |
| 219 | THAT COULD MAKE YOU UNDERSTAND THE PAIN |
| 220 | OF GIVING UP A BABY, SO... |
| 221 | UM... |
| 222 | ( gasps ) |
| 223 | OH, NO, NO, NO. I UNDERSTAND THE PAIN. |
| 224 | DON'T-DON'T HURT THE PUPPY. |
| 225 | NO, NO, NO. THE PUPPY IS YOURS. |
| 226 | OH, I GET A PUPPY? |
| 227 | WELL, YEAH. |
| 228 | I MEAN, BUT FOR ONLY THREE DAYS. |
| 229 | WHY? |
| 230 | WELL, YOU KNOW |
| 231 | I-I REALIZE THAT I DON'T HAVE ANY RIGHT |
| 232 | TO START GETTING ALL PARENTY ON YOU AND EVERYTHING NOW |
| 233 | BUT, UM... UH... |
| 234 | PHOEBE, WOULD YOU PLEASE LOOK AT ME |
| 235 | AND NOT THE PUPPY? |
| 236 | IT'S VERY IMPORTANT. |
| 237 | OKAY. |
| 238 | I MEAN, I KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT. |
| 239 | I GAVE UP TWO BABIES |
| 240 | AND I ONLY WISH THAT I HAD SOMEONE THERE |
| 241 | WHO HAD GIVEN UP BABIES THAT COULD HAVE TOLD ME |
| 242 | HOW TERRIBLE IT IS TO GIVE UP BABIES. |
| 243 | ( sighing softly ) |
| 244 | I JUST THINK |
| 245 | THAT IT WOULD BE SOMETHING |
| 246 | THAT YOU WOULD REGRET EVERY SINGLE DAY FOR THE REST |
| 247 | OF YOUR LIFE. |
| 248 | SO, HOWEVER HARD IT IS |
| 249 | FOR YOU TO GIVE UP THIS PUPPY, OH... |
| 250 | WOULD BE, LIKE, A MILLION TIMES HARDER TO GIVE UP A CHILD. |
| 251 | I REALLY SHOULDN'T HAVE GIVEN YOU THE PUPPY FIRST. |
| 252 | ALL RIGHT. IT'S OKAY. |
| 253 | ( sighs ) |
| 254 | OH, UH, WOULD YOU MIND SITTING THERE? |
| 255 | I-I'M SAVING THIS SEAT |
| 256 | FOR MY FRIEND, ROSS. |
| 257 | YOU MEAN, DR. GELLER? |
| 258 | "DOCTOR"? OH, I DIDN'T KNOW HE HAD A NICKNAME. |
| 259 | OH, HE WON'T SIT HERE. |
| 260 | ONLY THE PEOPLE IN THE WHITE COATS SIT OVER THERE |
| 261 | AND ONLY THE PEOPLE IN THE BLUE BLAZERS SIT OVER HERE. |
| 262 | WELL, UH, H-HOW COME? |
| 263 | THAT'S THE WAY IT IS. |
| 264 | THAT'S CRAZY. |
| 265 | MAYBE IT'S CRAZY IN A PERFECT WORLD-- |
| 266 | A WORLD WITHOUT LAB COATS AND BLAZERS-- |
| 267 | BUT YOU NOT IN A PERFECT WORLD. |
| 268 | YOU IN A MUSEUM NOW. |
| 269 | SEE THAT SCIENTIST WITH THE GLASSES? |
| 270 | HE AND I USED TO PLAY TOGETHER ALL THE TIME |
| 271 | IN GRADE SCHOOL. |
| 272 | HMM, BUT NOW... |
| 273 | PETER! |
| 274 | HEY, PETER! |
| 275 | IT'S ME, RHONDA |
| 276 | FROM P.S. 129! |
| 277 | I SHARED MY PUDDING WITH YOU, MAN. |
| 278 | I GAVE YOU MY SNACK PACK! |
| 279 | SEE? HE PRETEND HE DON'T EVEN HEAR ME! |
| 280 | I-I THINK EVERYBODY'S PRETENDING |
| 281 | THEY DON'T HEAR YOU. |
| 282 | LOOK, I... |
| 283 | I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU AND YOUR JACKETS |
| 284 | AND YOUR SEPARATE TABLES |
| 285 | BUT ROSS IS ONE OF MY BEST FRIENDS |
| 286 | AND IF I SAVE HIM A SEAT |
| 287 | I'M TELLING YOU, HE WILL SIT IN IT. |
| 288 | ROSS, ROSS, OVER HERE, MAN. |
| 289 | I SAVED YOU A SEAT. |
| 290 | THAT'S OKAY. |
| 291 | I'M COOL OVER HERE. |
| 292 | I'LL CATCH UP WITH YOU LATER, JOEY. |
| 293 | OOP, THIS IS SAVED. |
| 294 | GIFT SHOP. |
| 295 | HEY, UH... |
| 296 | I'M REALLY, REALLY SORRY |
| 297 | ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED IN THE CAFETERIA TODAY. |
| 298 | IT'S NO BIG DEAL, YOU KNOW. |
| 299 | YOU-YOU DO WHAT YOU GOT TO DO, RIGHT? |
| 300 | IT'S NOT JUST ME. |
| 301 | I MEAN, THE SCIENTISTS AND THE TOUR GUIDES |
| 302 | NEVER SIT TOGETHER. |
| 303 | WHATEVER. |
| 304 | IT'S LIKE THAT EVERYWHERE, JOEY. |
| 305 | OKAY, MON, BACK ME UP HERE. |
| 306 | WHERE YOU WORK |
| 307 | THE, UH, THE WAITERS EAT WITH THE WAITERS, RIGHT |
| 308 | AND THE CHEFS EAT WITH THE OTHER CHEFS, RIGHT? |
| 309 | UH, I EAT BY MYSELF IN THE ALLEY |
| 310 | BECAUSE EVERYBODY HATES ME. |
| 311 | LOOK, ROSS... |
| 312 | REALLY, IT'S-IT'S NO BIG DEAL. |
| 313 | YOU KNOW, YOU WEAR A WHITE COAT. |
| 314 | I WEAR A BLUE BLAZER. |
| 315 | IF THAT MEANS WE CAN'T BE FRIENDS AT WORK |
| 316 | THEN SO BE IT, YOU KNOW. |
| 317 | HEY, I UNDERSTAND, YOU KNOW? |
| 318 | WHEN I'M IN A PLAY |
| 319 | AND YOU'RE IN THE AUDIENCE |
| 320 | I DON'T TALK TO YOU, RIGHT? |
| 321 | SO, IT'S... YOU KNOW, IT'S, UH, IT'S-IT'S COOL. |
| 322 | I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW. |
| 323 | ( door opening and closing ) |
| 324 | YEAH. WHEN WE'RE IN THE AUDIENCE |
| 325 | HE DOESN'T TALK TO US, BUT HE DOES WAVE. |
| 326 | ( Phoebe humming "Rock a Bye Baby" ) |
| 327 | ( door opening ) |
| 328 | HI. |
| 329 | ( continues humming ) |
| 330 | WHY'S PHOEBE SINGING TO KARL MALDEN? |
| 331 | OOH, YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 332 | I THINK IT'S TIME |
| 333 | FOR PUPPY TO GO OUT AGAIN. |
| 334 | COME ON. LET'S GO TO THE BALCONY. |
| 335 | WHAT? |
| 336 | UH... THE STREET. |
| 337 | COME ON. LET'S GO TO THE STREET. |
| 338 | OH, LISTEN, DON'T GO ON THE BALCONY |
| 339 | UNTIL AFTER I GET BACK. |
| 340 | ( door closing ) |
| 341 | SO... DID YOU DO IT? |
| 342 | YES, YES, WE HAD THE SEX. |
| 343 | UH-OH. IT WAS BAD? |
| 344 | IT WAS FINE, YOU KNOW, BUT SHE DIDN'T AGREE WITH ME |
| 345 | AS STRONGLY AS SHE AGREED WITH JOEY. |
| 346 | SHE WAS MORE, LIKE, UH |
| 347 | "OH, I SEE YOUR POINT. |
| 348 | ( noncommittal: ) I'M ALL RIGHT WITH IT." |
| 349 | WELL, I MEAN, IT WAS THE FIRST TIME. |
| 350 | YOU KNOW, THERE'S NOT ALWAYS |
| 351 | A LOT OF AGREEMENT THE FIRST TIME. |
| 352 | YEAH. NOT FOR GIRLS ANYWAY. |
| 353 | GUYS AGREE... LIKE THAT. |
| 354 | LOOK, YOU HAVE TO HELP ME, OKAY? |
| 355 | I MEAN, I KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH A WOMAN. |
| 356 | YOU KNOW, I KNOW WHERE EVERYTHING GOES. |
| 357 | IT'S ALWAYS... NICE, BUT I NEED TO KNOW |
| 358 | WHAT MAKES IT GO FROM NICE |
| 359 | TO "MY GOD, SOMEBODY'S KILLING HER IN THERE." |
| 360 | ALL RIGHT. I'M GOING TO SHOW YOU SOMETHING |
| 361 | A LOT OF GUYS DON'T KNOW. |
| 362 | RACH, HAND ME THAT PAD, PLEASE. |
| 363 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 364 | NOW... |
| 365 | WELL, YOU DON'T HAVE TO DRAW |
| 366 | AN ACTUAL WO... WHOA, SHE'S HOT. |
| 367 | NOW, EVERYBODY KNOWS THE BASIC EROGENOUS ZONES. |
| 368 | YOU GOT ONE, TWO, THREE... |
| 369 | FOUR... |
| 370 | FIVE... |
| 371 | SIX AND SEVEN. |
| 372 | THERE ARE SEVEN? |
| 373 | LET ME SEE THAT. |
| 374 | OH, YEAH. |
| 375 | THAT'S ONE? |
| 376 | ( chuckling ) |
| 377 | KIND OF AN IMPORTANT ONE. |
| 378 | OH, YOU KNOW... |
| 379 | YOU KNOW WHAT? I WAS LOOKING AT IT UPSIDE DOWN. |
| 380 | ( laughs ) |
| 381 | WELL, YOU KNOW, SOMETIMES THAT HELPS. |
| 382 | OKAY. NOW, MOST GUYS WILL HIT, UH, ONE, TWO, THREE |
| 383 | AND THEN GO TO SEVEN AND SET UP CAMP. |
| 384 | TH-THAT'S BAD? |
| 385 | WELL, IF YOU GO TO DISNEYLAND |
| 386 | YOU DON'T SPEND THE WHOLE DAY ON THE MATTERHORN. |
| 387 | WELL, YOU MIGHT, IF IT WERE ANYTHING LIKE SEVEN. |
| 388 | Monica: ALL RIGHT. |
| 389 | UH, THE IMPORTANT THING |
| 390 | IS TO TAKE YOUR TIME. |
| 391 | YOU WANT TO HIT THEM ALL |
| 392 | AND YOU WANT TO MIX THEM UP. |
| 393 | YOU GOT TO KEEP THEM ON THEIR TOES. |
| 394 | OH, TOES! |
| 395 | YEAH... |
| 396 | FOR SOME PEOPLE. |
| 397 | Monica: ALL RIGHT. |
| 398 | YOU COULD, UH |
| 399 | START OUT WITH A-A LITTLE ONE... |
| 400 | A TWO... |
| 401 | A ONE, TWO, THREE... |
| 402 | A THREE... |
| 403 | A FIVE... |
| 404 | A FOUR... |
| 405 | A THREE, TWO... |
| 406 | TWO... |
| 407 | A TWO, FOUR, SIX... |
| 408 | TWO, FOUR, SIX... |
| 409 | FOUR... |
| 410 | TWO... |
| 411 | TWO... |
| 412 | FOUR, SEVEN... |
| 413 | FIVE, SEVEN... |
| 414 | SIX, SEVEN... |
| 415 | SEVEN... |
| 416 | SEVEN... |
| 417 | SEVEN, SEVEN, SEVEN... |
| 418 | SEVEN, SEVEN, SEVEN... |
| 419 | SEVEN! |
| 420 | ( silently: ) SEVEN. |
| 421 | DR. GELLER... |
| 422 | THERE'S A SEAT OVER HERE. |
| 423 | THANK YOU, DR. PHILLIPS... |
| 424 | BUT I'M HAVING MY LUNCH |
| 425 | AT THIS TABLE, HERE IN THE MIDDLE. |
| 426 | I'M HAVING MY LUNCH |
| 427 | RIGHT HERE WITH MY GOOD FRIEND JOEY... |
| 428 | IF HE'LL SIT WITH ME. |
| 429 | I WILL SIT WITH YOU, DR. GELLER. |
| 430 | YOU KNOW, WE WORK IN A MUSEUM OF NATURAL HISTORY |
| 431 | AND YET, THERE IS SOMETHING... UNNATURAL |
| 432 | ABOUT THE WAY WE EAT LUNCH. |
| 433 | NOW... |
| 434 | I LOOK AROUND THIS CAFETERIA AND YOU KNOW WHAT I SEE? |
| 435 | I SEE-I SEE DIVISION-- |
| 436 | DIVISION BETWEEN PEOPLE IN WHITE COATS |
| 437 | AND PEOPLE IN BLUE BLAZERS |
| 438 | AND I ASK MYSELF, "MY GOD, WHY?!" |
| 439 | NOW, I SAY WE SHED THESE-THESE COATS |
| 440 | THAT SEPARATE US |
| 441 | AND WE GET TO KNOW THE PEOPLE UNDERNEATH. |
| 442 | I'M ROSS. |
| 443 | I'M DIVORCED AND I HAVE A KID. |
| 444 | I'M JOEY. |
| 445 | I'M AN ACTOR. |
| 446 | I DON'T KNOW SQUAT ABOUT DINOSAURS. |
| 447 | I'M TED AND I JUST MOVED HERE A MONTH AGO |
| 448 | AND NEW YORK REALLY SCARES ME. |
| 449 | ALL RIGHT. THERE YOU GO! |
| 450 | YEAH. YOU HANG IN THERE, TEDDY. |
| 451 | I'M ANDREW... |
| 452 | AND I DIDN'T PAY FOR THIS PEAR. |
| 453 | OKAY. GOOD-GOOD FOR YOU. |
| 454 | I'M RHONDA... |
| 455 | AND THESE AREN'T REAL! |
| 456 | WOW, RHONDA. |
| 457 | UH... |
| 458 | I'M SCOTT... |
| 459 | YEAH. OKAY, SCOTT! |
| 460 | AND I NEED TO FLIP THE LIGHT SWITCH |
| 461 | ON AND OFF 17 TIMES BEFORE I LEAVE A ROOM |
| 462 | OR MY FAMILY WILL DIE. |
| 463 | MY MOM'S GOING TO BE HERE ANY MINUTE. |
| 464 | I CAN'T DO THIS. |
| 465 | I CAN'T GIVE HIM UP. |
| 466 | ( sighs ) |
| 467 | YES. NO, I CAN. |
| 468 | I DON'T WANT TO... |
| 469 | BUT I CAN. |
| 470 | NO. |
| 471 | OH, I CAN'T WATCH THIS. |
| 472 | IT'S LIKE SOPHIE'S CHOICE. |
| 473 | YOU KNOW, I NEVER SAW THAT. |
| 474 | OH, IT WAS ONLY OKAY. |
| 475 | ( Phoebe groaning ) |
| 476 | I CAN'T DO THIS. |
| 477 | MY MOM WAS RIGHT. |
| 478 | IF I CAN'T, IF I CAN'T GIVE HIM UP |
| 479 | THEN... THERE'S NO WAY I CAN GIVE UP A LITTLE BABY. |
| 480 | OH, GOD, FRANK AND ALICE ARE GOING TO BE SO CRUSHED. |
| 481 | WH-WHAT ELSE, WHAT ELSE CAN I GIVE THEM? |
| 482 | A KIDNEY. |
| 483 | HI. |
| 484 | All: HI. |
| 485 | UM, WE WERE JUST IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD, SO... |
| 486 | SO WE JUST THOUGHT WE'D STOP BY |
| 487 | AND LET YOU KNOW THERE'S STILL NO PRESSURE. |
| 488 | Alice: NONE, BUT IF THERE WAS |
| 489 | SOMETHING YOU WANTED TO TELL US |
| 490 | WE'RE JUST GOING TO BE RIGHT OVER THERE HAVING COFFEE. |
| 491 | OKAY. |
| 492 | OH, WHO'S THIS LITTLE GUY? |
| 493 | OH. OH! |
| 494 | UM... |
| 495 | OH, HE'S SO CUTE. |
| 496 | HE REMINDS ME OF MY OLD DOG, TUMOR. |
| 497 | OH, OH. |
| 498 | ( Frank laughing ) |
| 499 | YOU ARE SO PRECIOUS. I COULD JUST TAKE YOU HOME. |
| 500 | ( Frank laughing ) |
| 501 | HEY, WHY DON'T YOU? |
| 502 | ARE YOU SERIOUS? |
| 503 | UH-HUH. YEAH. |
| 504 | OH... |
| 505 | OH, THANKS. |
| 506 | ( laughing ) |
| 507 | WHAT ARE YOU DOING? |
| 508 | NO. I'M REALLY OKAY WITH THIS. |
| 509 | YOU KNOW WHY? |
| 510 | 'CAUSE LOOK AT THEM. |
| 511 | LOOK HOW HAPPY THEY ARE... |
| 512 | AND I MADE THAT, SO, YOU KNOW... I KNOW IT'S GOING TO BE, LIKE |
| 513 | A MILLION TIMES HARDER TO GIVE UP A BABY |
| 514 | BUT, OH, MY GOD |
| 515 | IT'S GOING TO FEEL, LIKE, A MILLION TIMES BETTER, RIGHT? |
| 516 | I'M WANT TO DO THIS. |
| 517 | I WANT TO CARRY YOUR BABY. |
| 518 | OH... |
| 519 | OH... |
| 520 | OH... |
| 521 | THANK YOU SO MUCH. |
| 522 | YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS TO US. |
| 523 | OH... |
| 524 | OH, MY GOD, I THINK I'M GOING TO CRY. |
| 525 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 526 | IT'S GOING TO BE SO GREAT. |
| 527 | UH-HUH. |
| 528 | HI. |
| 529 | WHAT'S GOING ON? |
| 530 | OH! I-I GAVE THEM THE PUPPY |
| 531 | AND IT MADE THEM SO HAPPY THAT I DECIDED I'M GOING |
| 532 | TO CARRY THEIR BABY. |
| 533 | UH, PHOEBE... |
| 534 | NO, NO, I KNOW. |
| 535 | YOU AND I ARE TOTALLY DIFFERENT PEOPLE, THOUGH |
| 536 | AND THIS IS A TOTALLY DIFFERENT SITUATION |
| 537 | AND I KNOW THAT I AM NOT GOING TO REGRET THIS. |
| 538 | OH, I-I UNDERSTAND ALL THAT. |
| 539 | IT'S JUST... THAT WAS MY PUPPY. |
| 540 | OH... |
| 541 | WOULD YOU SURROGATE? |
| 542 | IT DEPENDS WHO ASKED. |
| 543 | WHAT IF I ASKED? |
| 544 | OH, MON... |
| 545 | SURE. |
| 546 | REALLY? |
| 547 | YES. |
| 548 | YOU'RE NOT ASKING ME, ARE YOU? |
| 549 | NO. |
| 550 | YES, TOTALLY. |
| 551 | ( gasps ) |
| 552 | THANK YOU. |
| 553 | THANK YOU. |
| 554 | THANK YOU. |
| 555 | YES! THANK YOU! |
| 556 | [Captioned by The Caption Center WGBH Educational Foundation] |
| 557 | |
| 1 | ( rooster crows ) |
| 2 | ( crowing ) |
| 3 | ( crowing ) |
| 4 | WHAT THE HELL IS THAT? |
| 5 | ( crowing ) |
| 6 | WHAT THE HELL IS THAT? |
| 7 | IS THAT YOU? |
| 8 | ( crowing ) |
| 9 | OH! |
| 10 | BOY, YOU ARE REALLY NOT A MORNING PERSON. |
| 11 | BACK OFF! |
| 12 | GET UP! GET UP! GET UP! |
| 13 | GET UP! GET UP! |
| 14 | GET UP! GET UP! GET UP! |
| 15 | WHAT IS THAT NOISE? |
| 16 | YOU. |
| 17 | IT'S THE CHICK. |
| 18 | SHE'S GOING THROUGH SOME CHANGES. |
| 19 | WHAT KIND OF CHANGES? |
| 20 | THE VET SEEMS TO THINK |
| 21 | THAT SHE'S BECOMING A ROOSTER. |
| 22 | ( crowing ) |
| 23 | WE'RE GETTING A SECOND OPINION. |
| 24 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 25 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 26 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 27 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 28 | ♪ WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY ♪ |
| 29 | ♪ YOUR WEEK, YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 30 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 31 | ♪ WHEN THE RAIN STARTS TO POUR ♪ |
| 32 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 33 | ♪ LIKE I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE ♪ |
| 34 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 35 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME, TOO. ♪ |
| 36 | HEY. |
| 37 | WHAT ARE YOU DOING SHOPPING |
| 38 | AT 8:00 IN THE MORNING? |
| 39 | WELL, I'VE BEEN UP SINCE 6:00 |
| 40 | THANKS TO SOMEBODY'S DUMB-ASS ROOSTER. |
| 41 | GUYS, YOU REALLY SHOULD GET RID |
| 42 | OF THOSE ANIMALS. |
| 43 | THEY SHOULDN'T BE LIVING IN AN APARTMENT. |
| 44 | ESPECIALLY NOT WITH ALL THESE KNIVES AND COOKBOOKS AROUND. |
| 45 | ALL RIGHT, I'M GOING TO GO TO THE FERTILITY DOCTOR |
| 46 | AND SEE IF I'M READY TO HAVE FRANK AND ALICE'S EMBRYO |
| 47 | TRANSFERRED INTO MY UTERUS. |
| 48 | NOW, HOW WILL THEY KNOW IF YOU'RE READY? |
| 49 | THEY'RE GOING TO SEE |
| 50 | IF MY ENDOMETRIAL LAYER IS THICK. |
| 51 | WELL, I CAN, UH, CHECK THAT FOR YOU. |
| 52 | OKAY, EVERYONE, THINK THICK. |
| 53 | GOOD LUCK. GOOD LUCK. |
| 54 | HEY! HEY! |
| 55 | WISH ME LUCK. |
| 56 | OH... GOOD LUCK. |
| 57 | AND I'M STILL RIGHT. |
| 58 | THAT IS SO NOT TRUE. |
| 59 | WHAT? |
| 60 | SHE'S MAD BECAUSE I KNOW TODAY'S HER LAUNDRY DAY |
| 61 | AND THAT MEANS SHE'S WEARING HER OLD LADY UNDERPANTS. |
| 62 | WELL, I CAN CHECK THAT FOR YOU. |
| 63 | I JUST CAN'T BELIEVE THAT YOU THINK |
| 64 | THAT YOU AND CHANDLER KNOW ME AND RACHEL BETTER |
| 65 | THAN WE KNOW YOU. |
| 66 | WELL, WE DO. |
| 67 | YOU CAN ONLY EAT TIC TACS IN EVEN NUMBERS. |
| 68 | YEAH, WHAT'S THAT ABOUT? |
| 69 | AND YOU... |
| 70 | ROSS, I BELIEVE IF YOU CHECK RACHEL'S BAG |
| 71 | YOU WILL FIND A HALF-EATEN BOX OF COOKIES IN THERE. |
| 72 | YOU'RE GOOD. |
| 73 | THESE ARE NOT. |
| 74 | SO NOT IMPRESSED. |
| 75 | EVERYBODY SNACKS WHEN THEY SHOP. |
| 76 | OH, YEAH? |
| 77 | ROSS, HOW MANY ITEMS LEFT IN THAT BAG? |
| 78 | FIVE. |
| 79 | OKAY, TEN BUCKS SAYS |
| 80 | THAT WE CAN NAME EVERY ITEM IN THAT BAG. |
| 81 | HOW MANY GUESSES DO YOU GET? |
| 82 | SIX. |
| 83 | CHALLENGE EXTENDED. |
| 84 | DEAL. |
| 85 | CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. |
| 86 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 87 | WE'LL START WITH... |
| 88 | APPLES. |
| 89 | WE'LL BE STARTING WITH APPLES. |
| 90 | STOP THAT NOW. |
| 91 | YES. |
| 92 | OKAY, UH, TORTILLA CHIPS, YOGURT... |
| 93 | DIET SODA... |
| 94 | YES, YES... |
| 95 | YES. |
| 96 | ORANGE JUICE. |
| 97 | THERE'S NO ORANGE JUICE IN THERE. |
| 98 | WE WIN! |
| 99 | THEY HAVE ANOTHER GUESS. |
| 100 | OKAY, WELL, WE WON THAT ONE. |
| 101 | OKAY, THE LAST THING IS... |
| 102 | OOH, OOH! OOH! OOH, OOH! |
| 103 | NO. NO. NOT FOR LIKE ANOTHER TWO WEEKS. |
| 104 | I GOT IT. |
| 105 | SCOTCH... |
| 106 | TAPE. |
| 107 | HA! |
| 108 | HOW DID YOU KNOW SHE WOULD BUY SCOTCH TAPE? |
| 109 | WELL, WE USED UP THEIRS LAST NIGHT MAKING SCARY FACES. |
| 110 | OH, MAN. |
| 111 | ALL RIGHT, TEN BUCKS. |
| 112 | FORK IT OVER. |
| 113 | COUGH IT UP. |
| 114 | PAY THE PIPER. |
| 115 | GIVE ME IT. |
| 116 | THAT DOES NOT MEAN YOU KNOW US BETTER. |
| 117 | I WANT A REMATCH. |
| 118 | AND NONE OF THESE STUPID GROCERY QUESTIONS. |
| 119 | REAL PERSONAL QUESTIONS. |
| 120 | YEAH, AND THE WINNER GETS A HUNDRED BUCKS. |
| 121 | ARE YOU SERIOUS? |
| 122 | ARE YOU SCARED? |
| 123 | ( fearfully ): NO. |
| 124 | OKAY, WHO MAKES UP THE QUESTIONS? |
| 125 | ROSS'LL DO IT. |
| 126 | OH, SURE, ROSS'LL DO IT. |
| 127 | IT'S NOT LIKE HE HAS A JOB OR A CHILD |
| 128 | OR A LIFE OF HIS OWN. |
| 129 | WELL, FINE. WE'LL ASK PHOEBE. |
| 130 | NO. I WANT TO PLAY. |
| 131 | LOOKS LIKE YOUR UTERUS |
| 132 | IS READY FOR IMPLANTATION. |
| 133 | OH, I KNEW IT. |
| 134 | I FELT REALLY THICK THIS MORNING. |
| 135 | WELL, OKAY, SO, WHAT'S NOW? |
| 136 | GO-GO GET THE EGGS. |
| 137 | PUT THEM IN THERE. |
| 138 | OKAY. IT'LL TAKE JUST A LITTLE WHILE |
| 139 | TO PREPARE THE EMBRYOS. |
| 140 | EMBRYOS? |
| 141 | AS IN MORE THAN ONE. |
| 142 | FIVE, ACTUALLY. |
| 143 | FIVE? OKAY, WHERE AM I GIVING BIRTH? |
| 144 | IN A HOSPITAL OR A BIG BOX UNDER THE STAIRS? |
| 145 | WE DO FIVE |
| 146 | BECAUSE THAT GIVES YOU A 25% CHANCE |
| 147 | THAT AT LEAST ONE WILL ATTACH. |
| 148 | THAT'S IT? 25 PERCENT? |
| 149 | THAT MEANS THAT IT'S |
| 150 | LIKE 75 PERCENT CHANCE OF NO BABY AT ALL? |
| 151 | YEAH, YOU KNOW, I WAS THINKING. |
| 152 | WHAT ARE THE ODDS IF YOU STUFF 200 OF THEM IN THERE? |
| 153 | SWEETIE, NOW, SHE'S A WOMAN |
| 154 | NOT A GUM BALL MACHINE. |
| 155 | OKAY, WELL, DON'T WORRY, YOU GUYS |
| 156 | 'CAUSE I'M GOING TO DO THIS AS MANY TIMES AS IT TAKES |
| 157 | TO GET IT RIGHT. |
| 158 | WELL, SEE, THE THING IS |
| 159 | WE KIND OF ONLY HAVE ONE SHOT. |
| 160 | IT COSTS $16,000 EACH TIME YOU DO THIS. |
| 161 | SO, UM... |
| 162 | WE'RE KIND OF USING ALL THE MONEY WE HAVE |
| 163 | TO DO IT JUST THIS ONE TIME. |
| 164 | WHOA! |
| 165 | THAT'S... OKAY, THAT'S A LOT OF PRESSURE |
| 166 | ON ME AND MY UTERUS. |
| 167 | SO, WELL, OKAY... SO, MAYBE THERE'S SOMETHING I CAN DO |
| 168 | YOU KNOW |
| 169 | JUST TO, LIKE, HELP MAKE SURE I GET PREGNANT. |
| 170 | NO. I'M SORRY. |
| 171 | WOW. YOU GUYS REALLY DON'T KNOW ANYTHING. |
| 172 | WHY DON'T YOU GET DRUNK? |
| 173 | THAT WORKED FOR A BUNCH OF GIRLS |
| 174 | IN MY HIGH SCHOOL. |
| 175 | HEY, GUYS, DO YOU REALIZE |
| 176 | THAT ANY MINUTE NOW, PHOEBE COULD BE PREGNANT. |
| 177 | I KNOW. I KNOW. |
| 178 | IT'S SUCH A HUGE, LIFE-ALTERING THING. |
| 179 | I KNOW. IT IS. |
| 180 | THE TEST IS READY. |
| 181 | ( cheering ) |
| 182 | OKAY, EACH TEAM WILL ANSWER TEN QUESTIONS. |
| 183 | THE FIRST TEAM TO ANSWER THE MOST QUESTIONS WINS. |
| 184 | THE CATEGORIES ARE "FEARS AND PET PEEVES" |
| 185 | "ANCIENT HISTORY" |
| 186 | "LITERATURE" |
| 187 | AND "IT'S ALL RELATIVE." |
| 188 | NOW... |
| 189 | THE COIN TOSS, TO SEE WHO GOES FIRST. |
| 190 | OKAY... |
| 191 | SOMEBODY CALL IT THIS TIME. |
| 192 | YEAH. OKAY. |
| 193 | TAILS! |
| 194 | IT'S HEADS. |
| 195 | YES, IT IS! |
| 196 | GENTLEMEN, PICK YOUR CATEGORY. |
| 197 | "FEARS AND PET PEEVES." |
| 198 | "WHAT IS MONICA'S BIGGEST PET PEEVE?" |
| 199 | ANIMALS DRESSED AS HUMANS. |
| 200 | Ross: THAT'S CORRECT. |
| 201 | LADIES? |
| 202 | SAME CATEGORY. |
| 203 | "ACCORDING TO CHANDLER |
| 204 | WHAT PHENOMENON SCARES THE BEJEEZUS OUT OF HIM?" |
| 205 | MICHAEL FLATLEY, LORD OF THE DANCE. |
| 206 | THAT IS CORRECT. |
| 207 | AH! WHOO! |
| 208 | THE IRISH JIG GUY? |
| 209 | HIS LEGS FLAIL ABOUT |
| 210 | AS IF INDEPENDENT FROM HIS BODY. |
| 211 | AW! |
| 212 | GENTLEMEN, YOUR PICK. |
| 213 | "IT'S ALL RELATIVE." |
| 214 | "MONICA AND I HAD A GRANDMOTHER WHO DIED. |
| 215 | "YOU BOTH WENT TO HER FUNERAL. |
| 216 | NAME THAT GRANDMOTHER." |
| 217 | NANA? |
| 218 | SHE HAS A REAL NAME. |
| 219 | -ALTHEA! -ALTHEA? WHAT ARE YOU DOING? |
| 220 | I TOOK A SHOT. |
| 221 | WITH ALTHEA? |
| 222 | ALTHEA IS CORRECT. |
| 223 | NICE SHOOTING! |
| 224 | WE'LL TAKE "LITERATURE!" |
| 225 | "EVERY WEEK THE TV GUIDE |
| 226 | "COMES TO CHANDLER AND JOEY'S APARTMENT. |
| 227 | WHAT NAME APPEARS ON THE ADDRESS LABEL?" |
| 228 | CHANDLER GETS IT! |
| 229 | IT'S CHANDLER BING! |
| 230 | NO! |
| 231 | I'M AFRAID THE TV GUIDE COMES TO "CHANANDLER BONG." |
| 232 | I KNEW THAT. |
| 233 | RACHEL, USE YOUR HEAD. |
| 234 | ACTUALLY, IT'S "MISS CHANANDLER BONG." |
| 235 | HELLO, TEENY EMBRYOS. |
| 236 | WELL, I'M PHOEBE BUFFAY. HI. |
| 237 | I'M-I'M HOPING TO BE YOUR UTERUS FOR THE NEXT NINE MONTHS, SO... |
| 238 | YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT WE'RE DOING THIS FOR FRANK AND ALICE |
| 239 | WHO YOU KNOW-- YOU'VE BEEN THERE. |
| 240 | UM... |
| 241 | YOU KNOW, THEY WANT YOU SO MUCH. |
| 242 | SO WHEN YOU GUYS GET IN THERE, REALLY GRAB ON. |
| 243 | OKAY, AND... AND I PROMISE |
| 244 | THAT I'LL KEEP YOU SAFE AND WARM |
| 245 | UNTIL, YOU KNOW, YOU'RE READY TO HAVE THEM TAKE YOU HOME. |
| 246 | SO... |
| 247 | OKAY. |
| 248 | OH, AND ALSO, NEXT TIME YOU SEE ME |
| 249 | IF I'M SCREAMING, DON'T WORRY. |
| 250 | THAT'S WHAT'S SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN. |
| 251 | ( knocking ) |
| 252 | READY? |
| 253 | UH-HUH. |
| 254 | GOOD LUCK. |
| 255 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 256 | THE SCORE IS NINE TO EIGHT IN FAVOR OF THE GUYS. |
| 257 | LADIES, IF YOU MISS THIS, THE GAME IS THEIRS. |
| 258 | PICK YOUR CATEGORY. |
| 259 | "IT'S ALL RELATIVE!" |
| 260 | YOU DON'T HAVE TO SHOUT EVERYTHING. |
| 261 | I'M SORRY! |
| 262 | OOH. |
| 263 | "WHAT IS THE NAME |
| 264 | OF CHANDLER'S FATHER'S LAS VEGAS ALL-MALE BURLESQUE?" |
| 265 | VIVA LAS GAYGAS! |
| 266 | UNFORTUNATELY, THAT IS CORRECT. |
| 267 | YES! YES! |
| 268 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 269 | WE HAVE A TIE. |
| 270 | LUCKILY, I'VE PREPARED FOR SUCH AN EVENT. |
| 271 | THE LIGHTNING ROUND! |
| 272 | OH! OH! |
| 273 | 3O SECONDS. |
| 274 | ALL THE QUESTIONS YOU CAN ANSWER. |
| 275 | YOU GUYS ARE DEAD. |
| 276 | I AM SO GOOD AT LIGHTNING ROUNDS. |
| 277 | I MAJORED IN LIGHTNING ROUNDS, ALL RIGHT? |
| 278 | WE'RE GOING TO DESTROY YOU. |
| 279 | WANT TO BET? |
| 280 | I'M SO CONFUSED |
| 281 | AS TO WHAT WE'VE BEEN DOING SO FAR. |
| 282 | HOW ABOUT WE PLAY FOR MORE MONEY? |
| 283 | SAY, 150? |
| 284 | ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY DOLLARS. |
| 285 | SAY, 200? |
| 286 | TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS. |
| 287 | YOU'RE DOING IT AGAIN. |
| 288 | EXCUSE ME. |
| 289 | MONICA, I DON'T WANT TO LOSE $200. |
| 290 | WE WON'T. |
| 291 | 300? |
| 292 | MONICA! |
| 293 | I'M JUST TRYING TO SPICE IT UP. |
| 294 | OKAY, SO THEN PLAY FOR SOME PEPPER. |
| 295 | STOP SPENDING MY MONEY. |
| 296 | I GOT IT. |
| 297 | HOW ABOUT IF WE WIN |
| 298 | THEY HAVE TO GET RID OF THE ROOSTER? |
| 299 | OOH, THAT'S INTERESTING. |
| 300 | HEY, NO WAY. THAT ROOSTER'S FAMILY. |
| 301 | THROW IN THE DUCK. |
| 302 | THE DUCK DOESN'T MAKE ANY NOISE. |
| 303 | WELL, HE GETS THE OTHER ONE ALL RILED UP. |
| 304 | LOOK, WE ARE NOT... |
| 305 | ALL RIGHT, HOLD ON. |
| 306 | IF YOU WIN, WE'LL GIVE UP THE BIRDS. |
| 307 | GAH! |
| 308 | BUT IF WE WIN... |
| 309 | WE GET YOUR APARTMENT. |
| 310 | OOH. |
| 311 | DEAL! |
| 312 | MONICA, BETTING THE APARTMENT? |
| 313 | I HAVE NOT MISSED ONE QUESTION THE WHOLE GAME. |
| 314 | I OWN THIS GAME! |
| 315 | LOOK AT MY HAND. |
| 316 | ARE THE ANSWERS |
| 317 | WRITTEN ON THERE? |
| 318 | NO! STEADY AS A ROCK. |
| 319 | NOW, ARE YOU WITH ME? |
| 320 | HUH! LET'S DO IT! |
| 321 | COME ON! OKAY. |
| 322 | ALL RIGHT, GENTLEMEN, YOU'RE UP FIRST. |
| 323 | OKAY. OKAY. |
| 324 | YOU HAVE 30 SECONDS. |
| 325 | THE LIGHTNING ROUND |
| 326 | BEGINS... STOP IT. |
| 327 | NOW. WHAT WAS MONICA'S NICKNAME |
| 328 | WHEN SHE WAS A FIELD HOCKEY GOALIE? |
| 329 | "BIG FAT GOALIE." CORRECT. |
| 330 | RACHEL CLAIMS THIS IS HER FAVORITE MOVIE. |
| 331 | DANGEROUS LIAISONS. |
| 332 | HER ACTUAL FAVORITE MOVIE IS? |
| 333 | WEEKEND AT BERNIE'S. |
| 334 | CORRECT. |
| 335 | IN WHAT PART OF HER BODY |
| 336 | DID MONICA GET A PENCIL STUCK AT AGE 14? |
| 337 | OH! |
| 338 | EW! NO! |
| 339 | HER EAR! |
| 340 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 341 | MONICA CATEGORIZES HER TOWELS. |
| 342 | HOW MANY CATEGORIES ARE THERE? |
| 343 | "EVERYDAY USE." |
| 344 | "GUEST." "FANCY." |
| 345 | "FANCY GUEST." |
| 346 | TWO SECONDS. |
| 347 | D'UH, 11?! |
| 348 | ( beeping ) |
| 349 | 11. UNBELIEVABLE. |
| 350 | 11 IS CORRECT. |
| 351 | YES! ( laughing ) |
| 352 | ALL RIGHT, THAT'S FOUR FOR THE GUYS. |
| 353 | LADIES, YOU'RE UP. |
| 354 | ALL RIGHT, COME ON! |
| 355 | 30 SECONDS ON THE CLOCK. |
| 356 | FIVE CORRECT QUESTIONS WINS THE GAME. |
| 357 | THE LIGHTNING ROUND BEGINS... |
| 358 | NOW. WHAT IS JOEY'S FAVORITE FOOD? |
| 359 | SANDWICHES. CORRECT. |
| 360 | CHANDLER WAS HOW OLD |
| 361 | WHEN HE FIRST TOUCHED A GIRL'S BREAST? |
| 362 | FOURTEEN? NO, 19. |
| 363 | THANKS, MAN. |
| 364 | JOEY HAD AN IMAGINARY CHILDHOOD FRIEND. |
| 365 | HIS NAME WAS...? |
| 366 | MAURICE. |
| 367 | HIS PROFESSION WAS...? |
| 368 | SPACE COWBOY! CORRECT! |
| 369 | WHAT IS CHANDLER BING'S JOB? |
| 370 | OH...! |
| 371 | OH, GOSH! DOES IT HAVE SOMETHING |
| 372 | TO DO WITH NUMBERS? |
| 373 | AND PROCESSING. |
| 374 | AND HE CARRIES A BRIEFCASE. |
| 375 | YOU NEED THIS, OR YOU LOSE THE GAME. |
| 376 | IT HAS SOMETHING TO DO WITH TRANSPONDING. |
| 377 | OH, OH, HE'S A TRANSPONDS- TRANSPONSTER! |
| 378 | THAT'S NOT EVEN A WORD! |
| 379 | OH! |
| 380 | I CAN GET THIS! I CAN... |
| 381 | ( beeping ) |
| 382 | NO!!! |
| 383 | YES! YES! |
| 384 | I CALL MONICA'S ROOM. |
| 385 | YOU CAN'T JUST CALL MONICA'S ROOM. |
| 386 | SURE, I CAN. |
| 387 | STANDARD SHOTGUN RULES. |
| 388 | I'M IN SIGHT OF THE ROOM |
| 389 | AND I CALLED IT. |
| 390 | MAN, I FEEL LIKE I'M COMING DOWN WITH SOMETHING. |
| 391 | OOH. YEAH. |
| 392 | BET YOU CAN'T GUESS |
| 393 | WHAT COLOR MY TONSILS ARE. |
| 394 | I'LL BET THE APARTMENT. |
| 395 | I WOULD NEVER BET THIS APARTMENT. |
| 396 | IT'S TOO NICE. |
| 397 | HEY. |
| 398 | OOH, PHEEBS, ARE THEY IN THERE? |
| 399 | UM, YEAH, UH-HUH, I'M IMPLANTED. |
| 400 | HOW DO YOU FEEL? |
| 401 | WELL, FREAKED. |
| 402 | IT TURNS OUT THE ODDS ARE, LIKE, REALLY SUCKY |
| 403 | AND THIS IS FRANK AND ALICE'S, LIKE, ONLY SHOT. |
| 404 | THEY ARE, LIKE, LITERALLY |
| 405 | PUTTING ALL THEIR EGGS IN MY BASKET. |
| 406 | YEAH, BUT I BET IT WORKS. |
| 407 | REALLY? HOW MUCH? |
| 408 | ALL RIGHT, I'M GOING TO GO |
| 409 | TAKE A PREGNANCY TEST RIGHT NOW. |
| 410 | OH, WOW. YOU CAN TELL THIS SOON? |
| 411 | WELL, THE DOCTOR SAYS IT TAKES A COUPLE DAYS |
| 412 | BUT MY BODY'S ALWAYS BEEN A LITTLE FASTER |
| 413 | THAN WESTERN MEDICINE, SO... |
| 414 | ( clearing throat ) |
| 415 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 416 | I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU GUYS |
| 417 | ACTUALLY THINK YOU'RE MOVING IN HERE. |
| 418 | WELL, BELIEVE IT, BABY. |
| 419 | WELL, I-I, I'M NOT MOVING. |
| 420 | WHAT?! |
| 421 | NO. IT WAS A STUPID BET. |
| 422 | WE WERE JUST PLAYING A GAME. |
| 423 | YOU CAN'T JUST IGNORE THE BET. |
| 424 | IT'S A BET. |
| 425 | YOU BET ON A BET, AND IF YOU LOSE |
| 426 | YOU LOSE THE BET. |
| 427 | RACH, WE HAVE TO MOVE. |
| 428 | IF WE HAD LOST, WE WOULD HAVE MADE THEM |
| 429 | GET RID OF THE BIRDS, RIGHT? |
| 430 | NO. |
| 431 | ALL RIGHT, LOOK, I HATE THIS |
| 432 | AS MUCH AS YOU, BUT... IF IT MAKES YOU FEEL ANY BETTER |
| 433 | THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT. |
| 434 | WHAT?! |
| 435 | "CHANANDLER BONG." |
| 436 | COME ON, WE STEAL THAT TV GUIDE EVERY WEEK. |
| 437 | I KNEW IT! |
| 438 | I DON'T CARE. |
| 439 | I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE. |
| 440 | COOL. GIRL ROOMMATE. |
| 441 | WELL? |
| 442 | NOPE, NOT KNOCKED UP YET. |
| 443 | ALL RIGHT, WELL, IT'S ONLY BEEN A COUPLE HOURS |
| 444 | SO, JUST GIVE IT SOME TIME. |
| 445 | YEAH, ALL RIGHT. MEANWHILE |
| 446 | I'M GOING TO DO WHATEVER I CAN |
| 447 | TO HELP THIS, SO, I'M JUST GOING TO, YOU KNOW |
| 448 | LIE IN YOUR CHAIR, OKAY? |
| 449 | YOU KNOW, JUST... YEAH, GOOD. |
| 450 | I'M GOING TO LET GRAVITY, YOU KNOW, DO ITS JOB. |
| 451 | HEY, RACH, CAN YOU GIVE ME A HAND WITH THIS BOX? |
| 452 | NO! PUT THAT BOX DOWN! |
| 453 | WE ARE NOT GOING ANYWHERE! |
| 454 | THIS IS MY APARTMENT, AND I LIKE IT! |
| 455 | THIS IS A "GIRLS'" APARTMENT! |
| 456 | THAT IS A "BOYS'" APARTMENT! |
| 457 | IT'S DIRTY AND IT SMELLS! |
| 458 | THIS IS PRETTY! |
| 459 | IT'S SO PRETTY! |
| 460 | AND LOOK, AND IT'S PURPLE! |
| 461 | AND I'M TELLING YOU-- YOU WITH YOUR STEADY HAND-- |
| 462 | I AM NOT MOVING, AND NOW I HAVE GOT THE STEADY HAND. |
| 463 | I'LL TAKE CARE OF IT. |
| 464 | THAT'S RIGHT! |
| 465 | YOU DO WHAT THE HAND SAYS! |
| 466 | ( door shuts ) |
| 467 | HOW'D IT GO? |
| 468 | I LOST OUR MATTRESSES. |
| 469 | ( guitar strumming ) |
| 470 | ♪ ARE YOU IN THERE, LITTLE FETUS? ♪ |
| 471 | ♪ IN NINE MONTHS, WILL YOU COME GREET US...? ♪ |
| 472 | ♪ I WILL BUY YOU SOME ADIDAS... ♪ |
| 473 | ( knock at door ) |
| 474 | HI. HEY. |
| 475 | OH, HI. PHOEBE, UM... |
| 476 | WE WERE JUST AT THE DRUGSTORE |
| 477 | UM, SO WE GOT YOU A LITTLE PRESENT. |
| 478 | UM, IT'S A LOLLIPOP AND, UH, A HOME PREGNANCY TEST. |
| 479 | DON'T MIX THOSE UP. |
| 480 | YOU COULD REALLY RUIN THAT LOLLIPOP. |
| 481 | SO, UM... YOU FEEL LIKE TAKING A TEST? |
| 482 | THERE'S ONLY ONE QUESTION. |
| 483 | ( goofy laughter ) |
| 484 | A-ALL RIGHT, I WILL. |
| 485 | I WILL, BUT, UM, YOU KNOW, JUST REMEMBER |
| 486 | THAT IT'S STILL REALLY EARLY |
| 487 | SO, IF IT SAYS THAT I'M NOT PREGNANT |
| 488 | THAT DOESN'T MEAN I'M NOT GOING TO GET PREGNANT |
| 489 | OKAY? AND, AND JUST PLEASE |
| 490 | JUST SO I DON'T GO COMPLETELY NUTS |
| 491 | JUST TRY NOT TO PUT ALL YOUR HOPES ON THIS |
| 492 | OKAY? |
| 493 | OKAY. OKAY. |
| 494 | GREAT. |
| 495 | ( laughing ) |
| 496 | YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 497 | YOU ARE MEAN BOYS WHO ARE JUST BEING MEAN. |
| 498 | HEY, DON'T GET MAD AT US. |
| 499 | NO ONE FORCED YOU TO RAISE THE STAKES. |
| 500 | THAT IS NOT TRUE! |
| 501 | SHE DID! SHE FORCED ME! |
| 502 | WE'D STILL BE HERE, BUT YOU GOT THE QUESTION WRONG. |
| 503 | WELL, IT WAS A STUPID, UNFAIR QUESTION. |
| 504 | DON'T BLAME THE QUESTIONS. |
| 505 | WOULD YOU ALL STOP YELLING IN OUR APARTMENT?! |
| 506 | YOU ARE RUINING MOVING DAY FOR US! |
| 507 | STOP CALLING IT YOUR APARTMENT! |
| 508 | IT IS OUR APARTMENT! |
| 509 | ( everybody yelling ) |
| 510 | YOU GUYS, YOU GUYS, YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE A BABY. |
| 511 | THEY'RE GOING TO HAVE A BABY! |
| 512 | MY SISTER'S GOING TO HAVE MY BABY! |
| 513 | OKAY, BUT THIS CAN'T BE GOOD FOR THE BABY. |
| 514 | ( cheering ) |
| 515 | I CAN'T FIND GARBAGE BAGS. |
| 516 | OH, WELL, I THINK I SAW SOME IN HERE. |
| 517 | ( screaming ) |
| 518 | WHAT IS IT? |
| 519 | I DON'T KNOW |
| 520 | BUT MAYBE IF WE KEEP THAT DRAWER SHUT |
| 521 | IT'LL DIE. |
| 522 | I CAN'T BELIEVE WE'RE LIVING HERE! |
| 523 | ( yelling ) |
| 524 | WHA...? WH-WHAT IS IT?! |
| 525 | DID YOU SEE THE SIZE OF THE CLOSETS?! |
| 526 | I CAN'T BELIEVE WE LIVE HERE! |
| 527 | [Captioned by The Caption Center WGBH Educational Foundation] |
| 528 | OH...! OH...! |
| 529 | OH!!! OH!!! |
| 530 | |
| 1 | OKAY, SHE IS THE STAR OF THE PLAY |
| 2 | AND SHE IS MY GIRLFRIEND. |
| 3 | I GET TO HAVE SEX |
| 4 | WITH THE STAR OF THE PLAY. |
| 5 | PEOPLE CAN HEAR YOU. |
| 6 | I KNOW! |
| 7 | WOW, SHE LOOKS GREAT, DOESN'T SHE? |
| 8 | ( grunts ) |
| 9 | Man: HI. |
| 10 | THAT IS ONE GOOD-LOOKING MAN. |
| 11 | IS IT JUST ME |
| 12 | OR CAN YOU ACTUALLY SEE HIS ABS |
| 13 | THROUGH HIS OVERCOAT? |
| 14 | Man: SO, YOU BEEN DOING THIS LONG? |
| 15 | Kathy: NO, YOU'RE MY FIRST. |
| 16 | PUT THE MONEY ON THE TABLE. |
| 17 | ( passionate moaning ) |
| 18 | Man: OH, YEAH, OH, YEAH, THAT'S NICE. |
| 19 | ( moaning continues ) |
| 20 | DUDE. |
| 21 | Man: IS THAT AN EXPENSIVE BLOUSE? |
| 22 | Kathy: IF YOU WANT IT TO BE. |
| 23 | ( fabric ripping ) |
| 24 | Kathy: OH! |
| 25 | HERE'S YOUR GIRLFRIEND'S BUTTON. |
| 26 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 27 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 28 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 29 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 30 | ♪ WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY ♪ |
| 31 | ♪ YOUR WEEK, YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 32 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 33 | ♪ WHEN THE RAIN STARTS TO POUR ♪ |
| 34 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 35 | ♪ LIKE I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE ♪ |
| 36 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 37 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME, TOO. ♪ |
| 38 | OH, HEY, MON, DO YOU STILL HAVE |
| 39 | YOUR OLD BLOUSES AND DRESSES FROM HIGH SCHOOL? |
| 40 | YEAH, I THINK I HAVE SOME AROUND HERE SOMEWHERE. WHY? |
| 41 | IT'S JUST MATERNITY CLOTHES ARE SO EXPENSIVE. |
| 42 | Monica: RACH, I MADE A PILE OF YOUR STUFF |
| 43 | ON THIS SIDE OF THE ROOM. |
| 44 | IF YOU COULD JUST... |
| 45 | ( grunts ) |
| 46 | THROW YOUR PURSES AT IT? |
| 47 | BLOOMINGDALE'S ELIMINATED MY DEPARTMENT. |
| 48 | ( gasps ) |
| 49 | GOD! ARE YOU OUT OF A JOB? |
| 50 | NO, BUT THEY STUCK ME IN PERSONAL SHOPPING |
| 51 | WHICH IS JUST A HUGE STEP DOWN. |
| 52 | "PERSONAL SHOPPING"-- WHAT IS THAT? |
| 53 | LIKE, WHERE WALK AROUND WITH SNOOTY RICH PEOPLE |
| 54 | AND TELL THEM WHAT TO BUY? |
| 55 | UH-HUH. |
| 56 | THAT SOUNDS GREAT. |
| 57 | HEY. |
| 58 | UM... EXCUSE ME. |
| 59 | WE SWITCHED APARTMENTS. |
| 60 | YOU CAN'T EAT OUR FOOD ANYMORE. |
| 61 | THAT GRAVY TRAIN HAS ENDED. |
| 62 | THERE'S GRAVY? |
| 63 | IF YOU HAVE THE BIG APARTMENT |
| 64 | YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH PEOPLE COMING OVER ALL THE TIME. |
| 65 | THAT FRIDGE HAS GOT TO BE STOCKED, OKAY? |
| 66 | WHAT ARE YOU DOING? |
| 67 | I THINK I LEFT A DONUT UP HERE. |
| 68 | HEY. |
| 69 | HEY. HEY. |
| 70 | OH, HOW WAS KATHY'S PLAY? |
| 71 | WELL, KATHY GETS HALF-NAKED AND SIMULATES SEX |
| 72 | WITH A REAL GOOD-LOOKING GUY. |
| 73 | IT WAS LIKE SOMEBODY LITERALLY WROTE DOWN MY WORST NIGHTMARE |
| 74 | AND THEN CHARGED ME $32 TO SEE IT. |
| 75 | THAT'S A GOOD IDEA FOR A BUSINESS. |
| 76 | I'M TOTALLY SCREWED, OKAY? |
| 77 | THEY'RE GOING TO BE HOT AND HEAVY |
| 78 | ON STAGE EVERY NIGHT |
| 79 | AND THEY'RE GOING TO GO TO THEIR CAST PARTIES |
| 80 | AND HE'LL TRY TO UNDERMINE ME. |
| 81 | "SO, WHERE'S YOUR BOYFRIEND-- WHAT HIS NAME, CHESTER?" |
| 82 | AND SHE'LL GO, "NO, IT'S CHANDLER." |
| 83 | AND HE'LL GO, "WHATEVER." |
| 84 | ( pained laughter ) |
| 85 | THAT-THAT IS A GOOD TRICK. |
| 86 | ALL RIGHT, LOOK, LOOK, WHAT AM I GOING TO DO? |
| 87 | LOOK, THEY'RE THERE TO DO A JOB. |
| 88 | JUST 'CAUSE THEY WORK TOGETHER |
| 89 | DOESN'T MEAN THEY'LL GET TOGETHER. |
| 90 | JUST BECAUSE IT HAPPENED |
| 91 | WITH SUSAN SARANDON AND TIM ROBBINS |
| 92 | DOESN'T MEAN IT'LL HAPPEN WITH THEM. |
| 93 | OH, OH... |
| 94 | ALEC BALDWIN AND KIM BASINGER. |
| 95 | OH! TOM CRUISE AND NICOLE KIDMAN. |
| 96 | YEAH. |
| 97 | MEL GIBSON AND CLINT EASTWOOD. |
| 98 | THEY'RE NOT A COUPLE. |
| 99 | OH, OKAY! I GET THE GAME NOW. |
| 100 | LOOK, LET ME ASK YOU A QUESTION: |
| 101 | WHEN THEY WERE DOING IT ON STAGE |
| 102 | WAS IT, LIKE, REALLY HOT? |
| 103 | OH, YEAH. |
| 104 | WELL, OKAY |
| 105 | SO THEN YOU'RE FINE. |
| 106 | LOOK, THE RULE IS |
| 107 | WHEN TWO ACTORS ARE ACTUALLY DOING IT OFF STAGE |
| 108 | THEN ALL THE SEXUAL TENSION BETWEEN THEM IS GONE, OKAY? |
| 109 | SO AS LONG AS IT'S HOT ON STAGE |
| 110 | YOU GOT NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT. |
| 111 | IT'S WHEN THE HEAT GOES AWAY-- |
| 112 | THAT'S WHEN YOU'RE IN TROUBLE. |
| 113 | REALLY? |
| 114 | YOU HAVE BEEN TO EVERY PLAY I'VE BEEN IN. |
| 115 | HAVE I EVER HAD CHEMISTRY? All: NO. |
| 116 | NO! |
| 117 | SO, MAN, ARE YOU GOING TO GO SEE THE PLAY |
| 118 | WITH ME TONIGHT? |
| 119 | I DON'T KNOW HOW COMFORTABLE I AM |
| 120 | GOING TO SEE HOW HOT THE SEX IS |
| 121 | BETWEEN SOME GUY AND YOUR GIRLFRIEND. |
| 122 | YEAH, I KNOW, BUT... |
| 123 | NO, NO. OH, I'M THERE. |
| 124 | HEY. Joey: HEY, MON. |
| 125 | WANT PANCAKES? |
| 126 | YOU MADE PANCAKES? |
| 127 | YEAH. GRAB A PLATE. |
| 128 | NO, NO. STAY RIGHT THERE. |
| 129 | GETTING CLOSER. |
| 130 | OKAY, OKAY, BUT DON'T WORRY |
| 131 | BECAUSE WE ALSO HAVE CEREALS, MUFFINS, WAFFLES |
| 132 | AND JAMS, JELLIES AND MARMALADES-- |
| 133 | WHICH I'M FAIRLY CERTAIN ARE THE SAME THING. |
| 134 | LISTEN, ALSO, WE'RE WATCHING |
| 135 | THE GAME HERE SATURDAY NIGHT IF PEOPLE WANT TO COME OVER. |
| 136 | OH, YEAH. |
| 137 | I WAS THINKING ABOUT HAVING PEOPLE OVER. |
| 138 | OH, YEAH? WHO'S PLAYING? |
| 139 | THE PLAYERS. |
| 140 | SOMEBODY SEEMS TO BE MISSING |
| 141 | BEING THE HOSTESS. |
| 142 | ( chuckles ): PLEASE. |
| 143 | IT'S A RELIEF, IS WHAT IT IS |
| 144 | IS WHAT IT IS. |
| 145 | PHEEBS, STICK OUT YOUR PLATE. |
| 146 | MONICA, I'M QUITTING. |
| 147 | I JUST HELPED AN 81-YEAR-OLD WOMAN PUT ON A THONG |
| 148 | AND SHE DIDN'T EVEN BUY IT. |
| 149 | I'M TELLING YOU, I'M QUITTING. |
| 150 | THAT'S IT. |
| 151 | I'M TALKING TO MY BOSS RIGHT NOW. |
| 152 | YES, I AM. |
| 153 | YES, I AM. YES, I AM. YES, I AM. YES, I AM. |
| 154 | CALL ME WHEN YOU GET THIS MESSAGE. |
| 155 | OH, MR. WALTHAM. |
| 156 | I, UH... REALLY NEED TO TALK TO YOU. |
| 157 | IN A MOMENT, PLEASE. |
| 158 | I'M IN THE MIDDLE OF A TASK |
| 159 | AND YOU HAVE A CUSTOMER. |
| 160 | HI. |
| 161 | HI. I'M JOSHUA. |
| 162 | HI. I'M RACHEL GREEN. |
| 163 | WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU, JOSHUA? |
| 164 | WELL, I NEED A WHOLE NEW WARDROBE. |
| 165 | MY WIFE... WELL, MY EX-WIFE... |
| 166 | OH, I'M SO SORRY. |
| 167 | ANYWAY, SHE BURNED ALL OF MY CLOTHES. |
| 168 | I GOT AWAY WITH TWO THINGS-- THIS SUIT |
| 169 | AND WHAT TURNED OUT TO BE A SKIRT. |
| 170 | WELL, AT LEAST THAT'S A GREAT SUIT. |
| 171 | BUT IT WASN'T MUCH FUN DROPPING IT OFF |
| 172 | AT THE DRY CLEANERS IN THE SKIRT. |
| 173 | I NEED EVERYTHING DOWN TO UNDERWEAR |
| 174 | SO IF YOU'RE WILLING |
| 175 | I'M, UH... I'M ALL YOURS. |
| 176 | OKAY. |
| 177 | RACHEL, YOU NEEDED TO SPEAK TO ME? |
| 178 | NO, NO, THAT WASN'T ME. |
| 179 | WELL... |
| 180 | WE SHOULD GET STARTED. |
| 181 | LET ME SHOW YOU MY UNDERWEAR-- |
| 182 | THE SELECTION OF UNDERWEAR THAT WE CARRY. |
| 183 | OH, IT'S THIS WAY. |
| 184 | IT'S THIS WAY. |
| 185 | IT'S THIS WAY? |
| 186 | YEAH. SORRY. |
| 187 | ( sighs ) |
| 188 | I'M RIGHT, RIGHT? |
| 189 | THERE WAS, LIKE, NO CHEMISTRY BETWEEN THEM. |
| 190 | BEFORE THEY HAD HEAT. |
| 191 | NOW THERE'S NO HEAT. |
| 192 | NOW, YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS. |
| 193 | JOEY TOLD US WHAT THIS MEANS. |
| 194 | ALL RIGHT, LET'S NOT JUMP TO ANY CONCLUSIONS. |
| 195 | THERE WAS SOME SEXUAL CHEMISTRY BETWEEN THEM. |
| 196 | COME ON, IT WAS LIKE COUSINS HAVING SEX. |
| 197 | HERE SHE COMES. |
| 198 | DON'T SAY A WORD. JUST BE COOL. |
| 199 | DON'T BE, YOU KNOW, YOU. |
| 200 | HEY, YOU GUYS. |
| 201 | HEY. HEY. |
| 202 | THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR COMING AGAIN. |
| 203 | DID YOU LIKE IT? |
| 204 | ABSOLUTELY. |
| 205 | MM-HMM. WASN'T NICK FUNNY |
| 206 | WHEN HE COULDN'T GET HIS MATCH LIT? |
| 207 | ( chuckling stiffly ) |
| 208 | IT'S A GOOD PLAY, ISN'T IT? |
| 209 | MM. |
| 210 | I LOVED THE PLAY. |
| 211 | UH... YEAH, YOU WERE GREAT |
| 212 | AND NICK-- DITTO. |
| 213 | CLEARLY, YOU'RE HAVING SEX WITH HIM. |
| 214 | OKAY... |
| 215 | CLEARLY, I'M HAVING SEX WITH HIM? |
| 216 | IT WAS SO OBVIOUS! |
| 217 | THERE WAS NO CHEMISTRY BETWEEN YOU. |
| 218 | OKAY, LET ME JUST GET THIS STRAIGHT: |
| 219 | YOU'RE ACCUSING ME OF CHEATING ON YOU |
| 220 | AND YOU'RE INSULTING MY PERFORMANCE? |
| 221 | I CAN SEE HOW THIS COULD HAPPEN. |
| 222 | YOU KNOW, YOU'RE UP THERE EVERY NIGHT |
| 223 | NAKED, TOUCHING, KISSING. |
| 224 | ACTING. |
| 225 | CHANDLER, THIS IS MY JOB. |
| 226 | I-I'M PLAYING A PART IN A PLAY. |
| 227 | HOW CAN YOU NOT TRUST ME? |
| 228 | WELL, YOU CAN UNDERSTAND, GIVEN HOW WE STARTED. |
| 229 | OH, WOW. |
| 230 | I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE THROWING THAT IN MY FACE. |
| 231 | THAT IS WHAT HAPPENED |
| 232 | AND I DON'T EVEN SEE YOU DENYING THIS. |
| 233 | I'LL TELL YOU WHAT, CHANDLER. |
| 234 | WHY DON'T YOU CALL ME WHEN YOU GROW UP? |
| 235 | YEAH, WELL |
| 236 | DON'T EXPECT THAT TO HAPPEN ANYTIME SOON. |
| 237 | OH! I HAVE THE BEST JOB IN THE ENTIRE WORLD. |
| 238 | THE MOST ADORABLE GUY CAME OVER TODAY |
| 239 | AND I GOT TO DRESS HIM UP ALL DAY. |
| 240 | RACHEL HAS A NEW DOLL. |
| 241 | OH, I WISH HE WAS A DOLL. |
| 242 | THEN I COULD GET A "RACHEL" DOLL |
| 243 | AND I'D BUMP THEM TOGETHER AND MAKE KISSING NOISES. |
| 244 | OH, AND HE'S GOT THE MOST BEAUTIFUL NAME. |
| 245 | I NEVER REALIZED. JOSHUA. JOSH... U-A. |
| 246 | JOSHUA. JOSH... |
| 247 | UH... HELLO. |
| 248 | HI... |
| 249 | OH, WHAT DO I SMELL? |
| 250 | I DON'T KNOW, BUT IT SMELLS GOOD. |
| 251 | FRESH COOKIES, HOT FROM THE OVEN. |
| 252 | PLEASE, HAVE SOME. |
| 253 | OH, YO... |
| 254 | I'VE JUST BEEN FIDDLING AROUND IN HERE |
| 255 | MAKING DELICIOUS TREATS |
| 256 | FOR EVERYONE. |
| 257 | OH. THE NEW PLAYBOY. |
| 258 | YEAH. JUST SOMETHING I PICKED UP. |
| 259 | COOKIES AND PORN. YOU'RE THE BEST MOM EVER! |
| 260 | ( giggles ) |
| 261 | WHAT? WHAT? |
| 262 | NOTHING. JUST SOMETHING JOSHUA SAID ABOUT V NECKS |
| 263 | BUT YOU HAD TO BE THERE. |
| 264 | YEAH, HOW DOES, UH, JASON LOOK IN A V NECK? |
| 265 | IT'S JOSHUA. |
| 266 | OH, WHATEVER. |
| 267 | WAIT... WAIT. THIS... THIS ISN'T TAKEOUT. |
| 268 | WELL, HATE TO EAT AND RUN. |
| 269 | NO, WAIT. PLEASE DON'T GO. |
| 270 | I'VE GOT PORN FOR YOU, TOO. |
| 271 | ME, I DON'T NEED IT. |
| 272 | PEOPLE ARE SUPPOSED TO WANT TO HANG OUT HERE. |
| 273 | WHY? HONEY, WHAT IS THE BIG DEAL? |
| 274 | I'M THE HOSTESS. |
| 275 | NOT THOSE GUYS. I'M ALWAYS THE HOSTESS. |
| 276 | I MEAN, EVEN WHEN I WAS LITTLE, I MEAN THE... |
| 277 | THE GIRLS BROUGHT THEIR DOLLIES TO MY TEA PARTY. |
| 278 | I SERVED THE BEST AIR. |
| 279 | WELL, WHY DID YOU MAKE, LIKE, A WHOLE BIG THING |
| 280 | OUT OF, YOU KNOW, EVERYONE HAS TO HANG OUT |
| 281 | IN THE BIG APARTMENT? |
| 282 | BECAUSE THEY TOOK OUR APARTMENT. |
| 283 | I WANTED TO PUNISH THEM. |
| 284 | I'M-I'M DONE NOW. |
| 285 | THEY-THEY-THEY'VE SUFFERED ENOUGH. |
| 286 | BUT IF YOU WANTED TO PUNISH THEM |
| 287 | YOU SHOULD HAVE JUST MADE THEM HANG OUT HERE. |
| 288 | ALL RIGHT THEN, WHEN I'M FINISHED |
| 289 | WITH THIS PLACE |
| 290 | IT'S GOING TO BE TEN TIMES BETTER |
| 291 | THAN THAT PLACE. |
| 292 | OH, ARE WE GOING TO TRASH THEIR PLACE? |
| 293 | STEPS! |
| 294 | SLUT! |
| 295 | ( slurring ): YOU WILL ALL BE VERY HAPPY TO HEAR |
| 296 | THAT KATHY IS SLEEPING WITH THAT GUY. |
| 297 | WHAT? OH, NO. OH, GOD. |
| 298 | SO, YOU WERE RIGHT? |
| 299 | I CONFRONTED HER AND SHE DIDN'T DENY IT. |
| 300 | I DON'T LIVE HERE. |
| 301 | CHANDLER... |
| 302 | Monica: CHANDLER, WHAT DID SHE SAY? |
| 303 | WAIT A MINUTE. ARE YOU SURE? |
| 304 | WELL, I MAY BE DRUNK BUT I KNOW WHAT SHE SAID |
| 305 | SO THEN I WENT OVER TO BEEFSTEAK CHULIE'S... |
| 306 | YES! SEE, YOU AND I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN LIKE... |
| 307 | WHOOPS. |
| 308 | OH, HEY, DO YOU |
| 309 | NEED HELP WITH THAT? |
| 310 | NO. I GOT IT. |
| 311 | OH, I JUST FEEL BAD. I NEVER VACUUM. |
| 312 | HI. |
| 313 | HEY. HEY. |
| 314 | SO, I WAS WITH JOSHUA FOR AN HOUR TODAY |
| 315 | AND HE HAS NOT ASKED ME OUT. |
| 316 | JUST SO FRUSTRATING. |
| 317 | WHY DON'T YOU ASK HIM OUT? |
| 318 | OH, YEAH. TOTALLY. THAT'S SUCH A TURN-ON. |
| 319 | REALLY? |
| 320 | IT DOESN'T SEEM DESPERATE? |
| 321 | THAT'S THE TURN-ON. |
| 322 | HE JUST GOT A DIVORCE, RIGHT? |
| 323 | SO, HE'S PROBABLY REALLY NERVOUS |
| 324 | AROUND WOMEN, YOU KNOW? |
| 325 | MAYBE YOU JUST NEED TO MAKE THE FIRST MOVE. |
| 326 | I'VE NEVER ASKED A GUY OUT BEFORE. |
| 327 | YOU'VE NEVER ASKED A GUY OUT? |
| 328 | NO. HAVE YOU? |
| 329 | THOUSANDS OF TIMES. |
| 330 | THAT DOESN'T MAKE ME SOUND TOO GOOD, DOES IT? |
| 331 | I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW I WOULD GO ABOUT IT. |
| 332 | OH, WELL, WHAT I DO IS, UH... I LOOK A WOMAN UP AND DOWN |
| 333 | AND I SAY, "HEY... HOW YOU DOIN'?" |
| 334 | OH, PLEASE. |
| 335 | HEY... HOW YOU DOIN'? |
| 336 | OKAY. I'M GOING TO DO THAT. |
| 337 | I'M GOING TO CALL HIM UP AND I'M GOING TO ASK HIM OUT. |
| 338 | I CAN DO THAT... ASK HIM OUT. |
| 339 | HOW YOU DOIN'? |
| 340 | HI, JOSHUA... IT'S RACHEL GREEN FROM BLOOMINGDALE'S. |
| 341 | YEAH, UM... |
| 342 | I WAS JUST WONDERING IF YOU, UM... IF YOU, UM... |
| 343 | LEFT YOUR WALLET AT THE STORE TODAY? |
| 344 | OH, WELL |
| 345 | WE FOUND A WALLET AND WE... |
| 346 | THE LICENSE... WELL, THAT IS A GOOD IDEA. |
| 347 | UH, WELL, LET'S SEE. |
| 348 | THIS LICENSE BELONGS TO A, UH... |
| 349 | BELONGS TO A MR.... UH, PHEEBS... |
| 350 | AND, UM... YEAH. |
| 351 | SO, OKAY... SO SORRY TO BOTHER YOU AT HOME. |
| 352 | I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW. |
| 353 | BYE. |
| 354 | YOU'VE DONE THAT A THOUSAND TIMES? |
| 355 | I'VE NEVER DONE THAT. |
| 356 | OH, GOD. I JUST GOT SO NERVOUS THAT HE WAS GOING TO SAY NO. |
| 357 | WELL, YOU'VE GOT TO GIVE HIM SOMETHING HE CAN'T SAY NO TO |
| 358 | LIKE, UH, KNICKS TICKETS. |
| 359 | INVITE THE GUY TO A KNICKS GAME. |
| 360 | YOU'RE GUARANTEED HE'LL SAY YES. |
| 361 | AND THAT WILL WORK? |
| 362 | ABSOLUTELY... |
| 363 | IF IT DOESN'T, CAN I GET THE EXTRA TICKET? |
| 364 | ( loud whirring ) |
| 365 | WHAT THE HECK IS THAT? |
| 366 | DID SHE CALL? |
| 367 | NO. SORRY. |
| 368 | WELL, MAY... MAYBE I SHOULD CALL HER. |
| 369 | Joey: FORGET HER, MAN. |
| 370 | YOU DON'T NEED HER. YOU DON'T NEED THAT. |
| 371 | HE'S RIGHT. WHAT SHE DID WAS UNFORGIVABLE. |
| 372 | WELL, YEAH, BUT... YOU KNOW, WHAT-WHAT IF I WAS WRONG? |
| 373 | HOW MIGHT YOU BE WRONG? |
| 374 | WELL, YOU KNOW, WHAT IF SHE |
| 375 | DIDN'T ACTUALLY SLEEP WITH THE GUY? |
| 376 | TELL ME SHE ACTUALLY TOLD YOU. |
| 377 | SHE DID NOT HAVE TO TELL ME. |
| 378 | I SAW THE PLAY AND THERE WAS NO HEAT. |
| 379 | BACK ME UP, ROSS. |
| 380 | THAT'S ALL YOU'RE |
| 381 | BASING THIS ON? |
| 382 | THAT'S NOT BACKING ME UP! |
| 383 | YOU SAID WITH THE OFFSTAGE AND THE HEAT |
| 384 | AND THE ONSTAGE AND HEAT... |
| 385 | WHOA-WHOA! THAT WAS JUST A THEORY. |
| 386 | THERE'S A LOT OF THEORIES THAT DIDN'T PAN OUT... |
| 387 | LONE GUNMAN... COMMUNISM... GEOMETRY. |
| 388 | OH, MY GOD! |
| 389 | WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO TO A BASKETBALL GAME WITH... |
| 390 | YOU KNOW, IT'S FUNNY... BASKETBALL |
| 391 | BECAUSE I HAPPEN TO HAVE TICKETS TO THE... |
| 392 | OKAY... UM... |
| 393 | WHO LIKES THE KNICK...? |
| 394 | WHAT DO YOU THINK? |
| 395 | OH... WELL, AS A SINGLE WOMAN... |
| 396 | WHO IS AVAILABLE |
| 397 | I THINK YOU LOOK GREAT. |
| 398 | HUH... YEAH? |
| 399 | YEP. OH, YEAH. YOU LOOK GREAT. |
| 400 | OH, YEAH. YEAH, THIS LOOKS GREAT. |
| 401 | UM, SO, YOU LIKE IT? |
| 402 | I DO. I DO. I LOVE IT. |
| 403 | IN FACT, I-I THINK I'M GOING TO WEAR IT HOME. |
| 404 | GREAT. |
| 405 | ALL RIGHT. WELL, THANK YOU SO MUCH... |
| 406 | OH... SURE. FOR ALL YOUR HELP. |
| 407 | WELL, I GUESS, UH, I GUESS THIS IS IT. |
| 408 | YEEAAH! |
| 409 | THANKS. |
| 410 | MAYBE I'LL SEE YOU IN THE SPRING |
| 411 | UH, FOR THE BATHING SUITS. |
| 412 | YOU DON'T WANT TO DO THAT NOW?! |
| 413 | OH, THAT'S OKAY... I... |
| 414 | OH... |
| 415 | ANYWAY, HOPEFULLY I-I'LL SEE YOU AROUND SOMETIME. |
| 416 | BASKETBALL! |
| 417 | SORRY? |
| 418 | I, UH... I HAVE TWO TICKETS TO THE KNICKS GAME TONIGHT |
| 419 | IF YOU'RE INTERESTED... |
| 420 | JUST AS A THANK YOU FOR THIS WEEK. |
| 421 | WOW! THAT WOULD BE GREAT. |
| 422 | REALLY? |
| 423 | YEAH, THAT WOULD BE FANTASTIC. |
| 424 | OH... |
| 425 | MY NEPHEW IS CRAZY ABOUT THE KNICKS. |
| 426 | THIS IS FANTASTIC. |
| 427 | THANK YOU SO MUCH, RACHEL. |
| 428 | GOOD MORNING. |
| 429 | HI. |
| 430 | HEY. |
| 431 | HEY... I JUST... I JUST WANTED TO COME OVER |
| 432 | TO... TO SAY THAT I'M SORRY, YOU KNOW. |
| 433 | I KNOW... I ACTED LIKE THE BIGGEST IDIOT IN THE WORLD |
| 434 | AND I CAN COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND WHY YOU WERE SO UPSET. |
| 435 | OH, WOW. |
| 436 | I REALLY WISH YOU'D CALLED ME. |
| 437 | YEAH, I KNOW. I WISH I HAD, TOO |
| 438 | BUT, YOU KNOW, I-I THINK THIS IS A GOOD THING, YOU KNOW |
| 439 | 'CAUSE WE'VE HAD |
| 440 | OUR FIRST FIGHT |
| 441 | AND NOW WE CAN MOVE ON. |
| 442 | YOU KNOW, I MEAN |
| 443 | I KNOW FOR ME... |
| 444 | NICK'S PANTS? |
| 445 | YEAH. |
| 446 | YEAH. |
| 447 | WELL... |
| 448 | I THINK OUR SECOND FIGHT IS GOING TO BE A BIG ONE. |
| 449 | Joey: OKAY... |
| 450 | FOR NEXT TIME, WHAT DO YOU SAY? |
| 451 | I HAVE AN EXTRA TICKET... |
| 452 | AN EXTRA TICKET... |
| 453 | NOT TWO TICKETS. I HAVE AN EXTRA TICKET. |
| 454 | RIGHT. |
| 455 | SO, THE FIRST TIME YOU ASKED A GUY OUT |
| 456 | HE-HE TURNED YOU DOWN? |
| 457 | HE DIDN'T TURN ME DOWN. |
| 458 | HE'S AT THE GAME, ISN'T HE? |
| 459 | I GOT THE DATE. I'M JUST NOT ON IT. |
| 460 | OKAY... IT'S READY. |
| 461 | COME ON. |
| 462 | WHAT'S READY? |
| 463 | JUST COME. |
| 464 | OH, MY GOD... |
| 465 | WOW! |
| 466 | HEY... |
| 467 | MONICA... |
| 468 | THIS IS BEAUTIFUL. |
| 469 | OH, DID YOU-WHAT, DID YOU WORK FOR TWO DAYS STRAIGHT? |
| 470 | PRETTY MUCH. |
| 471 | SO, WHAT-WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE FLOOR? |
| 472 | I DON'T KNOW. LOOKS THE SAME. |
| 473 | YOU USED TO HAVE CARPET. |
| 474 | OH, YEAH. |
| 475 | SO, I-I MADE SNACKS. |
| 476 | OH. |
| 477 | PLEASE, JUST HANG OUT, OKAY. |
| 478 | I-I'M JUST GOING TO REST MY EYES FOR JUST A LITTLE BIT. |
| 479 | MON, DO YOU WANT US TO, UH, COME BACK LATER? |
| 480 | OH, NO, NO, NO. STAY, STAY, STAY. |
| 481 | JUST KEEP TALKING. |
| 482 | I AM ALWAYS THE HOSTESS. |
| 483 | HEY. |
| 484 | HOW DID IT GO? |
| 485 | WELL, SHE WASN'T SLEEPING WITH HIM. |
| 486 | OH, GOOD. |
| 487 | SHE IS NOW. |
| 488 | WHAT ARE YOU SAYING? |
| 489 | I'M SAYING THAT SHE IS A DEVIL WOMAN. |
| 490 | YOU KNOW, I MEAN, YOU THINK YOU KNOW A PERSON. |
| 491 | THEN THEY TURN AROUND, THEY SLEEP WITH NICK. |
| 492 | NICK AND HIS ROCK-HARD PECS AND HIS GIANT MAN NIPPLES. |
| 493 | I HATE HIM... AND I HATE HER. |
| 494 | WELL, I DON'T HATE HER. I LOVE HER. |
| 495 | THIS IS ALL MY FAULT, REALLY. |
| 496 | HOW? HOW IS IT YOUR FAULT? |
| 497 | BECAUSE... AAH! I... I SHOULD HAVE CALLED. |
| 498 | YOU KNOW, IF I HAD JUST CALLED HER |
| 499 | AFTER OUR BIG, STUPID FIGHT |
| 500 | SHE NEVER WOULD HAVE GONE OUT WITH NICK |
| 501 | AND THEY WOULDN'T HAVE ENDED UP IN BED TOGETHER. |
| 502 | I THREW HER |
| 503 | AT HIS MAN NIPPLES. |
| 504 | HONEY, THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT. |
| 505 | JUST BECAUSE YOU GUYS HAD A FIGHT |
| 506 | DOES NOT JUSTIFY HER SLEEPING WITH SOMEONE. |
| 507 | WELL, IF-IF SHE THOUGHT THEY WERE ON A BREAK... |
| 508 | ONE OF YOUR CUSTOMERS SEEMS |
| 509 | TO HAVE LEFT HIS BILLFOLD-- A JOSHUA BURGIN. |
| 510 | REALLY? |
| 511 | WILL YOU CALL HIM? |
| 512 | YES. I WILL, ABSOLUTELY. |
| 513 | [Captioned by The Caption Center WGBH Educational Foundation] |
| 514 | ( in a deep voice ): HELLO, RACHEL. |
| 515 | HI, JOSHUA. |
| 516 | I LEFT MY WALLET HERE ON PURPOSE. |
| 517 | REALLY? |
| 518 | YES. I JUST WANTED TO SEE YOU AGAIN. |
| 519 | OH, I'M GLAD. |
| 520 | RACHEL, I'D LIKE TO SAY SOMETHING TO YOU. |
| 521 | YES? |
| 522 | HOW YOU DOIN'? |
| 523 | |
| 1 | SO, NOW, WHAT IS THIS NOW? |
| 2 | GOOGILY WORM. |
| 3 | ( giggles ) |
| 4 | AND THIS? |
| 5 | GLOW POP JIGGLY JAMMER. |
| 6 | ( laughs ) |
| 7 | BAIT IS SO FUNNY. |
| 8 | HEY, UM, WHAT'S THIS? |
| 9 | OH, A HUNK OF SANDWICH FROM LAST YEAR. |
| 10 | OH, GELLER'S GOT ONE HOOKED. |
| 11 | OH! LOOKS LIKE A BIG ONE! |
| 12 | UH-OH, IT'S THE CLASSIC STRUGGLE BETWEEN MAN AND... |
| 13 | SOMEONE KNOCKED OVER A LAMP. |
| 14 | HEY, YOU GUYS, YOU KNOW WHAT'S GOING TO BE GREAT |
| 15 | ABOUT THE FISHING TRIP THIS YEAR? |
| 16 | WHEN MY DAD GIVES ME THAT |
| 17 | "JOEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH YOUR LIFE?" STUFF |
| 18 | I CAN SAY, "WELL, I'M DOING A MOVIE |
| 19 | "WITH CHARLTON HESTON, DAD. |
| 20 | WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH YOUR LIFE?" |
| 21 | ( quacking ) |
| 22 | YOU DON'T HAVE TO STOP HAVING FUN JUST BECAUSE I'M HERE. |
| 23 | KATHY DIDN'T CHEAT ON ALL OF YOU. |
| 24 | WELL, EXCEPT YOU. |
| 25 | ( quacking ) |
| 26 | Monica: HEY, JOEY, I DON'T THINK |
| 27 | YOU SHOULD LEAVE CHANDLER ALONE. |
| 28 | IT'S ONLY BEEN TWO DAYS |
| 29 | SINCE HE BROKE UP WITH KATHY. |
| 30 | MAYBE YOU CAN GO FISHING NEXT WEEK. |
| 31 | THERE'S NOTHING I CAN DO FOR HIM NOW. |
| 32 | HE'S STILL IN HIS SWEAT PANTS. |
| 33 | THAT'S ONLY PHASE ONE. |
| 34 | YOU KNOW, I'LL BE BACK FOR PHASE TWO. |
| 35 | I WOULD NEVER MISS PHASE TWO. |
| 36 | WHAT'S PHASE TWO? |
| 37 | GETTING DRUNK AND GOING TO A STRIP CLUB. |
| 38 | HOW DOES GOING TO A STRIP CLUB |
| 39 | MAKE HIM BETTER? |
| 40 | THERE ARE NAKED LADIES THERE. |
| 41 | IT HELPS HIM GET TO PHASE THREE: |
| 42 | "PICTURING YOURSELF WITH OTHER WOMEN." |
| 43 | THERE ARE NAKED LADIES THERE, TOO. |
| 44 | YEAH. |
| 45 | ( quacking ) |
| 46 | WOULD YOU GIVE ME ONE MINUTE, PLEASE? |
| 47 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 48 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 49 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 50 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 51 | ♪ WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY ♪ |
| 52 | ♪ YOUR WEEK, YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 53 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 54 | ♪ WHEN THE RAIN STARTS TO POUR ♪ |
| 55 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 56 | ♪ LIKE I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE ♪ |
| 57 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 58 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME, TOO. ♪ |
| 59 | THESE WILL MATCH THE JACKET YOU PICKED OUT FOR ME? |
| 60 | MM-HMM. |
| 61 | THERE WE GO. |
| 62 | THERE IT IS. |
| 63 | OH, YOU KNOW WHAT I NEED? |
| 64 | YEAH? |
| 65 | GLOVES. |
| 66 | BROWN LEATHER DRESS GLOVES. |
| 67 | OH, OKAY, UH, WELL, LET'S SEE. |
| 68 | YOU'RE ABOUT A, WELL |
| 69 | THIS ONE IS LARGE. |
| 70 | AND, UH, THIS ONE... |
| 71 | ALSO LARGE? |
| 72 | YEAH. OKAY. |
| 73 | TWO LARGES COMING RIGHT UP. |
| 74 | OKAY. |
| 75 | ( scoffs ) |
| 76 | RACHEL, COULD I HAVE A MOMENT? |
| 77 | YES. |
| 78 | I WAS WONDERING... |
| 79 | MY NIECE, YOU SEE, IS IN TOWN FROM LONDON. |
| 80 | SHROPSHIRE, REALLY, BUT YOU KNOW... |
| 81 | WELL, SHE'S ABOUT YOUR AGE, I'D SAY. |
| 82 | ANYWAY, I HAVE TICKETS FOR THE OPERA, DIE FLEDERMAUS |
| 83 | AND I WAS WONDERING IF YOU WOULD LIKE |
| 84 | TO KEEP HER COMPANY THIS EVENING. |
| 85 | SURE, YOU GOT IT. |
| 86 | GREAT. COUNT ME IN. |
| 87 | ME, FLEDERMAUS, GREAT. |
| 88 | I REALLY... |
| 89 | HMM? OH, YES, OF COURSE. |
| 90 | THANK YOU. |
| 91 | THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH. |
| 92 | SO? |
| 93 | SO? |
| 94 | GLOVES? |
| 95 | OH, RIGHT, I'LL BE RIGHT BACK. |
| 96 | ACTUALLY, YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 97 | I KIND OF... I GOT TO TAKE OFF |
| 98 | BUT I WAS CURIOUS... |
| 99 | DO YOU HAVE ANY PLANS FOR TONIGHT? |
| 100 | NO. NOTHING! |
| 101 | I INVESTED IN THIS NIGHTCLUB AND IT'S OPENING TONIGHT. |
| 102 | YEAH, THAT WOULD BE GREAT. |
| 103 | YOU'RE INTO HARD-CORE S&M, RIGHT? |
| 104 | WELL, I-I GU... I GUE... |
| 105 | I'M KIDDING. |
| 106 | ( chuckles ) |
| 107 | WHEW! |
| 108 | I GOT TO GET THERE EARLY |
| 109 | BUT I'M GOING TO PUT YOU ON THE V.I.P. LIST. |
| 110 | LOOK FOR ME. |
| 111 | YEAH. GREAT. |
| 112 | I'LL SEE YOU TONIGHT. OKAY. |
| 113 | I ALMOST FORGOT THE TICKETS, DIDN'T I? |
| 114 | WHAT? |
| 115 | FOR YOU AND EMILY. |
| 116 | TONIGHT. |
| 117 | DIE FLEDERMAUS. |
| 118 | OH... OH, RIGHT. |
| 119 | I THINK YOU'LL LIKE IT. |
| 120 | IT HAS TWO OUT OF THE THREE TENORS. |
| 121 | OH, YAY! |
| 122 | YOU KNOW, I CAN'T BELIEVE KATHY DID THIS TO ME. |
| 123 | I REALLY THOUGHT THAT SHE WAS THE ONE. |
| 124 | WELL, I'LL TELL YOU WHAT. |
| 125 | FROM NOW ON, I'M NOT GETTING OUT OF THIS CHAIR EVER, OKAY? |
| 126 | FROM NOW ON, THIS CHAIR IS "THE ONE." |
| 127 | YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE IS "THE ONE"? |
| 128 | MY SWEAT PANTS. |
| 129 | COME ON, MAN |
| 130 | JUST-JUST TAKE THE SWEATS OFF, OKAY? |
| 131 | JUST TAKE 'EM OFF, AND WE'LL HAVE SOME FUN. |
| 132 | HEY, HEY. |
| 133 | HI. HI. |
| 134 | HAVE A GOOD TIME? CATCH A BIG ONE? |
| 135 | OH, GOD, YOU GUYS HAVE NO IDEA. |
| 136 | WOW, YOU STINK! |
| 137 | ARE YOU KIDDING? |
| 138 | YEAH, THREE DAYS ON THE LAKE WITHOUT A SHOWER. |
| 139 | PLUS, I FELL INTO THAT BIG TUB OF WORMS AT THE BAIT STAND. |
| 140 | HEY, H-HOW'S HE DOING? |
| 141 | HE HASN'T MOVED IN TWO DAYS. |
| 142 | HEY, BUDDY, HOW'S IT GOING? |
| 143 | HEY, YOU SEE THAT? |
| 144 | HE JUST NEEDED HIS PAL TO COME HOME. |
| 145 | ALL RIGHT, I GOT TO GO MEMORIZE MY LINES. |
| 146 | ME AND CHARLTON HESTON, BRIGHT AND EARLY TOMORROW, BABY! |
| 147 | YEAH, YOU DO 'EM! |
| 148 | HEY. |
| 149 | Ross: HEY. |
| 150 | Phoebe: HEY, MONICA. |
| 151 | UH-OH, WHAT'S THE MATTER? |
| 152 | OH, IT'S... |
| 153 | JOSHUA INVITED ME TO THIS FANCY CLUB OPENING TONIGHT. |
| 154 | OOH, BUT I ALREADY TOLD MR. WALTHAM |
| 155 | THAT I WOULD TAKE HIS NIECE |
| 156 | TO THE DUMB OLD OPERA, SO... |
| 157 | WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO? |
| 158 | ( sighs ) |
| 159 | I DON'T KNOW, SWEETIE. |
| 160 | NO! HELP ME! |
| 161 | I CAN'T. I HAVE TO WORK. |
| 162 | PHOEBE...? |
| 163 | I WOULD, BUT I GET MORNING SICKNESS IN THE EVENING. |
| 164 | UNLESS... SHE WANTS TO SPEND THE NIGHT |
| 165 | HOLDING MY HAIR BACK FOR ME. |
| 166 | OH, GOSH, YOU GUYS, COME ON. |
| 167 | THIS IS... I HAVE TO MEET JOSHUA. |
| 168 | THIS IS MY ONE CHANCE FOR HIM TO SEE THE FUN RACHEL. |
| 169 | YOU KNOW, THE WOULDN'T-IT-BE-GREAT- |
| 170 | IF-SHE-WERE-MY-WIFE RACHEL? |
| 171 | OH, ALL RIGHT. |
| 172 | ARE JOEY AND CHANDLER BACK? |
| 173 | CHANDLER'S STILL IN PHASE ONE |
| 174 | AND JOEY'S THAT THING YOU SMELL. |
| 175 | OH, THAT'S... |
| 176 | HI. |
| 177 | HI. |
| 178 | SO...? |
| 179 | NO. |
| 180 | OH, COME ON. |
| 181 | ( knocking ) |
| 182 | BET SHE'S HERE. |
| 183 | NO, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. ROSS, PLEASE! |
| 184 | YOU WANT ME TO TAKE SOME GIRL I'VE NEVER MET TO THE OPERA |
| 185 | SO YOU CAN GO TO A CLUB AND FLIRT WITH SOME GUY? HMM. |
| 186 | YEAH, THAT-THAT IS A TOUGHIE... |
| 187 | OH, SHE'S LOOKING |
| 188 | DOWN THE HALL. |
| 189 | ( gasps ) |
| 190 | SHE LOOKED RIGHT AT ME. |
| 191 | OH, WAIT, YOU CAN'T SEE PEOPLE THROUGH THAT LITTLE HOLE |
| 192 | CAN YOU? |
| 193 | HELLO? |
| 194 | Woman: HELLO? |
| 195 | ( shrieks ) |
| 196 | OH, I'LL BE RIGHT THERE. |
| 197 | OKAY, ROSS, PLEASE COME ON. |
| 198 | I THOUGHT WE HAD MOVED ON. |
| 199 | I THOUGHT WE HAD GOTTEN TO A PLACE |
| 200 | WHERE WE COULD BE HAPPY FOR EACH OTHER. |
| 201 | WAS THAT JUST ME? |
| 202 | ALL RIGHT, I'LL DO IT. |
| 203 | OH, THANK YOU. |
| 204 | THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU! |
| 205 | EMILY? |
| 206 | OH, YES. |
| 207 | I'M RACHEL GREEN. |
| 208 | THANK GOODNESS. YEAH. |
| 209 | THERE'S BEEN A TEENY, TEENY CHANGE OF PLANS. |
| 210 | TURNS OUT I'M NOT FREE TONIGHT, SO... |
| 211 | REALLY? WELL, THAT'S JUST LOVELY, ISN'T IT? |
| 212 | I MUST HAVE MISSED YOUR CALL |
| 213 | EVEN THOUGH I DIDN'T LEAVE THE FLAT ALL DAY. |
| 214 | OH, WELL, NO, I... |
| 215 | NO, NO, NO, THAT'S NOT RUDE. |
| 216 | IT'S PERFECTLY IN KEEPING WITH THE TRIP |
| 217 | WHERE I'VE ALREADY BEEN RUN DOWN BY ONE |
| 218 | OF YOUR WIENER CARS |
| 219 | AND BEEN STRIP-SEARCHED |
| 220 | AT JOHN F. KENNEDY AIRPORT. |
| 221 | APPARENTLY TO YOU PEOPLE |
| 222 | I LOOK LIKE SOMEONE WHO'S GOT A BALLOON FULL OF COCAINE |
| 223 | STUFFED UP THEIR BUM. |
| 224 | I-I-I THINK YOU LOOK GREAT. |
| 225 | GOOD NIGHT. |
| 226 | IT WAS VERY NICE TO MEET YOU ALL. |
| 227 | I'LL GET HER. |
| 228 | PLEASE, HURRY. |
| 229 | SO, DON'T YOU JUST LOVE THE WAY THEY TALK? |
| 230 | "OOH..." UH, YOU KNOW... |
| 231 | OH! |
| 232 | WHAT? |
| 233 | I THINK THE BABY KICKED. |
| 234 | OH, MY GOD! |
| 235 | ( laughs ) |
| 236 | OH, NO, WAIT, OH, THAT WAS THE ELASTIC |
| 237 | IN MY UNDERWEAR BUSTED. |
| 238 | MY GOD! I OVERSLEPT! |
| 239 | I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE ON THE SET A HALF AN HOUR AGO! |
| 240 | I GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE! |
| 241 | OH, JOEY, YOU CAN'T GO LIKE THAT. |
| 242 | YOU STINK! |
| 243 | I FELL ASLEEP BEFORE I COULD TAKE A SHOWER. |
| 244 | THEY'RE JUST TEN BLOCKS AWAY. |
| 245 | IF I RUN, I CAN MAKE IT. |
| 246 | YEAH, RUN TEN BLOCKS. |
| 247 | THAT'LL HELP THE SMELL. |
| 248 | HEY! OH! SLOW DOWN. |
| 249 | NO, KEEP MOVING. |
| 250 | SO, HOW DID IT GO WITH JOSHUA LAST NIGHT? |
| 251 | OH, WELL, I DIDN'T SEE JOSHUA |
| 252 | BUT I DID PUNCH A GIRL IN THE FACE. |
| 253 | WHAT? |
| 254 | WHY? |
| 255 | IT WAS POURING DOWN RAIN |
| 256 | AND WHEN I GOT THERE, THERE WAS NO RACHEL GREEN ON THE LIST |
| 257 | BUT THERE WAS A RACHEL "GREEP." |
| 258 | OH, SO DID YOU GET TO MEET HER? |
| 259 | NO, THERE IS NO RACHEL GREEP |
| 260 | BUT THEN THIS OTHER GIRL OVERHEARD US |
| 261 | AND SHE WAS ALL, "I'M RACHEL GREEP! |
| 262 | I'M RACHEL GREEP!" |
| 263 | AND HE LET HER RIGHT IN. |
| 264 | SO YOU HIT HER IN THE FACE? |
| 265 | NO, SHE WAS ALREADY IN |
| 266 | BUT THEN THIS BIG BITCH BEHIND ME |
| 267 | TRIED TO STEAL MY UMBRELLA, SO I CLOCKED HER. |
| 268 | OH! I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS. |
| 269 | ALL I WANTED WAS JUST |
| 270 | A FEW HOURS OUTSIDE OF WORK TO SEE JOSHUA |
| 271 | SO THAT HE COULD GO AHEAD AND START FALLING IN LOVE WITH ME. |
| 272 | OH... |
| 273 | PHEEBS. |
| 274 | HONEY, THAT'S YOUR NAME. |
| 275 | THAT'S SHORT FOR PHOEBE?! |
| 276 | I THOUGHT THAT'S JUST WHAT WE CALLED EACH OTHER. |
| 277 | Monica: HEY, YOU'RE WEARING PANTS. |
| 278 | THAT'S RIGHT. |
| 279 | WHERE ARE THE GUYS? |
| 280 | I'M READY TO GET DRUNK |
| 281 | AND SEE SOME STRIPPERS. |
| 282 | IT'S 9:30 IN THE MORNING. |
| 283 | THEY GOT A BREAKFAST BUFFET. |
| 284 | ( phone rings ) |
| 285 | HELLO? OH, HEY, ROSS. |
| 286 | OOH! LET ME TALK TO HIM. |
| 287 | OH, MY GOD! |
| 288 | WELL, CAN I JUST...? |
| 289 | SHH! WAIT, WHAT? |
| 290 | SHE'S SHUSHING ME. |
| 291 | SHH! PLEASE! |
| 292 | WHAT'S HE SAYING? |
| 293 | HE'S WITH EMILY AT A BED AND BREAKFAST IN VERMONT. |
| 294 | WHAT? OH, MY GOD! |
| 295 | WHAT? WHO THE HELL IS EMILY? |
| 296 | NO! |
| 297 | HOW DID THIS HAPPEN? OW. |
| 298 | HOW-HOW DID HE END UP |
| 299 | IN VERMONT WITH THAT AWFUL WITCH? |
| 300 | WELL, MAYBE SHE DOESN'T HIT HIM ALL THE TIME. |
| 301 | Ross: When we first met her |
| 302 | SHE WAS SOAKING. |
| 303 | HER FEET WERE WET. |
| 304 | WHO WOULDN'T BE MISERABLE? |
| 305 | I'M TELLING YOU, ONCE I GOT HER INTO A DRY PAIR OF SHOES |
| 306 | SHE WAS A TOTALLY DIFFERENT PERSON. |
| 307 | ROSS, COME QUICKLY. |
| 308 | A DEER'S OUTSIDE, EATING FRUIT FROM THE ORCHARD. |
| 309 | THERE'S A DEER OUTSIDE, EATING FRUIT FROM THE ORCHARD. |
| 310 | HE HAD TO GO. |
| 311 | THERE WAS A DEER JUST OUTSIDE, EATING FRUIT |
| 312 | FROM THE ORCHARD. |
| 313 | I DON'T GET THIS. |
| 314 | SHE WAS HORRIBLE. |
| 315 | OKAY, I'M GOING TO GO STAND OVER THERE. |
| 316 | WHY DO YOU CARE SO MUCH ANYWAY? |
| 317 | I DON'T CARE. |
| 318 | YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 319 | I'M JUST UPSET |
| 320 | THAT I'M GETTING NOWHERE WITH JOSHUA |
| 321 | THAT... YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 322 | STILL, YOU DO NOT JUST MEET SOMEONE |
| 323 | AND GO FLITTING OFF TO VERMONT. |
| 324 | WELL, WHEN YOU FIRST MET BARRY, YOU FLITTED OFF TO VAIL. |
| 325 | OH, WOULD YOU JUST FOR ONCE NOT REMEMBER EVERY LITTLE THING? |
| 326 | SO, YOU KNOW, UH, WHEN'S HE GETTING BACK? |
| 327 | COUPLE OF DAYS. |
| 328 | YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 329 | I KNEW SOMETHING |
| 330 | LIKE THIS WAS GOING TO HAPPEN |
| 331 | WHAT ARE YOU DOING? |
| 332 | CHANDLER... |
| 333 | YOU CAN'T JUST GO BACK A PHASE. |
| 334 | YES, YOU CAN. |
| 335 | YOU'RE THINKING ABOUT TIME. |
| 336 | YOU CAN'T |
| 337 | GO BACK IN TIME. |
| 338 | LOOK, WHY DON'T YOU JUST... |
| 339 | WHY DON'T YOU DO YOUR PHASE-TWO STRIP-CLUB THING WITH US? |
| 340 | COME ON, WE CAN BE GUYS. |
| 341 | ( chuckles ): NO, YOU CAN'T. |
| 342 | COME ON, LET US BE GUYS. |
| 343 | MAYBE WE WANT TO BE GUYS. |
| 344 | YOU DON'T WANT TO BE GUYS. |
| 345 | YOU'D BE ALL HAIRY, AND YOU WON'T LIVE AS LONG. |
| 346 | YOU... WOULD YOU JUST STOP BEING SUCH A WUSS |
| 347 | AND GET THOSE OFF, AND YOU COME |
| 348 | WITH US AND WATCH NAKED GIRLS DANCE AROUND! |
| 349 | OKAY. |
| 350 | I'M SORRY. |
| 351 | COME ON. |
| 352 | HEY. JOEY TRIBBIANI. I'M HERE. |
| 353 | CALM DOWN, WE GOT TIME. |
| 354 | WE'RE RUNNING A LITTLE LATE. |
| 355 | OH. |
| 356 | ALL SET. |
| 357 | Joey: LOOK AT THAT. |
| 358 | CHARLTON HESTON EATING A LICORICE WHIP. |
| 359 | YEAH, HE LOVES 'EM. |
| 360 | I'VE NEVER SEEN HIM WITH... |
| 361 | ( sniffs ) |
| 362 | ( both sniffing ) |
| 363 | HEY... WHOA... |
| 364 | YEAH, WHAT THE HELL IS THAT? |
| 365 | WHAT SMELLS SO BAD? |
| 366 | YOU. |
| 367 | OH. I COULD SEE WHY YOU WOULD THINK THAT |
| 368 | BUT, UH... |
| 369 | ACTUALLY, YOU KNOW WHO I THINK IT IS? |
| 370 | YOU? |
| 371 | NO, NO, IT'S, UH... |
| 372 | IT'S HESTON. |
| 373 | WHAT? |
| 374 | OH, THE MAN REEKS. |
| 375 | SMELLS LIKE HE WENT ON A THREE-DAY FISHING TRIP |
| 376 | THEN ATE LICORICE. |
| 377 | THERE'S NO WAY HE SMELLS. |
| 378 | HE'S THE ONLY ONE WITH A SHOWER IN HIS DRESSING ROOM. |
| 379 | REALLY? |
| 380 | A SHOWER, HUH? |
| 381 | AND, UH, WHICH ROOM MIGHT THAT BE? |
| 382 | THE ONE WITH "HESTON" ON IT. |
| 383 | INTERESTING. |
| 384 | HEY... |
| 385 | I GOT SOME ONES. |
| 386 | YOU WANT TO PUT THEM IN HER PANTIES? |
| 387 | NO, THANKS, MOM. |
| 388 | OH, NO, UM, HI. |
| 389 | THAT, THAT... UM, YOU HAVE TO PUT THAT OUT |
| 390 | 'CAUSE I'M PREGNANT, SO... |
| 391 | WELL, MAYBE YOU AND YOUR BABY |
| 392 | OUGHT TO GO TO ANOTHER STRIP CLUB. |
| 393 | HA-HA, IT'S NOT MY BABY, HA-HA-HA. |
| 394 | VERY GOOD, YES. |
| 395 | THAT WAS SO GOOD. |
| 396 | REALLY, REALLY ENJOYED IT. |
| 397 | YOU KNOW, VERY EXOTIC. |
| 398 | WELL, I JUST CHECKED OUR MESSAGES |
| 399 | AND JOSHUA DIDN'T CALL. |
| 400 | YOU WOULD THINK |
| 401 | HE WOULD BE WORRIED |
| 402 | ABOUT ME NOT SHOWING UP AT HIS CLUB. |
| 403 | AND YOU KNOW WHAT MAKES IT SO MUCH WORSE? |
| 404 | ROSS IS ALL HAPPY IN VERMONT. |
| 405 | COME ON, LOOK WHERE YOU ARE. |
| 406 | IF YOU GET A SEC, ANOTHER ROUND OF DAIQUIRIS. |
| 407 | REMEMBER, UM, VIRGIN FOR ME, PLEASE. |
| 408 | DON'T LET ME LEAVE WITHOUT GETTING THE NAME |
| 409 | OF THAT CARPET GUY. |
| 410 | OH, COME ON! |
| 411 | ALL RIGHT, YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 412 | I'M JUST GOING TO GO HOME AND CALL KATHY. |
| 413 | WELL, IF YOU THINK IT'LL HELP. |
| 414 | NO, THAT WAS A TEST. |
| 415 | IN A COUPLE HOURS, I'LL GET REALLY DRUNK AND WANT TO CALL. |
| 416 | YOU GUYS HAVE TO STOP ME. |
| 417 | AND THEN AFTER THAT, I'M GOING TO WANT TO CALL JANICE. |
| 418 | YOU SHOULD. HOW IS SHE? |
| 419 | OH! |
| 420 | I THINK SOMEBODY NEEDS ANOTHER LAP DANCE. |
| 421 | ( imitating pistol firing ) |
| 422 | ( door slams ) |
| 423 | HELLO? |
| 424 | WHO'S IN THERE? |
| 425 | HOW YOU DOING? |
| 426 | WHO IN THE HELL ARE YOU? |
| 427 | UH... |
| 428 | I GUESS YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE ME |
| 429 | IF I SAID I WAS KIRK DOUGLAS, HUH? |
| 430 | PUT SOME PANTS ON, KID, SO I CAN KICK YOUR BUTT. |
| 431 | NO-NO-NO, NO, NO, WAIT, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. |
| 432 | SEE, I'M AN ACTOR. |
| 433 | JOEY TRIBBIANI. |
| 434 | I'M DOING A SCENE WITH YOU TODAY |
| 435 | AND, WELL, I STINK. |
| 436 | YOU'RE IN THIS PICTURE? |
| 437 | YEAH, YEAH. |
| 438 | I'M ONE OF THE COPS WHO WON'T WORK WITH YOU |
| 439 | 'CAUSE YOU'RE A LOOSE CANNON. |
| 440 | ANYWAY, LOOK, I'M REALLY SORRY, BUT I JUST... I STINK. |
| 441 | JOEY, RIGHT? |
| 442 | YEAH. |
| 443 | COME ON, COME ON. |
| 444 | EVERY ACTOR AT ONE TIME OR ANOTHER... |
| 445 | AH! |
| 446 | EVERY ACTOR THINKS HE STINKS. |
| 447 | EVEN LAURENCE OLIVIER SOMETIMES THOUGHT HE STANK. |
| 448 | BOB REDFORD WON'T EVEN WATCH HIMSELF. |
| 449 | YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. |
| 450 | LISTEN TO ME. |
| 451 | OH, YEAH. |
| 452 | I DON'T KNOW ONE ACTOR |
| 453 | WORTH HIS SALT WHO ONE TIME IN HIS CAREER |
| 454 | DIDN'T SAY, "GOD, I STINK." |
| 455 | HELL, I JUST DID A SCENE OUT THERE, FIRST TAKE... |
| 456 | I STUNK THE PLACE UP |
| 457 | BUT... |
| 458 | THE IMPORTANT THING |
| 459 | YOU MUST REMEMBER: |
| 460 | NO MATTER HOW BADLY YOU THINK YOU STINK |
| 461 | YOU MUST NEVER, EVER BUST INTO MY DRESSING ROOM |
| 462 | AND USE MY SHOWER. |
| 463 | DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME? |
| 464 | YES, SIR. YES, SIR. I'M-I'M VERY SORRY. |
| 465 | WAIT A MINUTE. |
| 466 | TAKE YOUR PANTS. |
| 467 | YEAH, OH, YEAH. |
| 468 | ( chuckles) |
| 469 | SO, WE DID OKAY AT THE STRIP CLUB, RIGHT? |
| 470 | OH, YEAH, THAT WAS GREAT. |
| 471 | THANKS TO YOU |
| 472 | THE HOTTEST COCKTAIL WAITRESS THERE IS QUITTING |
| 473 | TO TEACH THE THIRD GRADE. |
| 474 | I CAN'T BELIEVE IT. |
| 475 | HE STILL HASN'T CALLED. |
| 476 | WHO? JOSH? |
| 477 | IT'S JOSHUA. |
| 478 | HE DOESN'T LIKE "JOSH"? |
| 479 | NO, I DON'T. |
| 480 | ALL RIGHT, WELL, I'M GOING TO PUT MY SWEATS BACK ON. |
| 481 | NO, WAIT, WAIT. |
| 482 | OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU WERE RIGHT. |
| 483 | WE REALLY WEREN'T GREAT AT BEING GUYS |
| 484 | BUT DO YOU KNOW WHY? |
| 485 | BECAUSE WE'RE GIRLS. |
| 486 | YEAH? |
| 487 | KNOW WHAT GIRLS ARE REALLY GOOD AT? |
| 488 | STRIPPING. |
| 489 | NO. LISTENING. |
| 490 | SIT. |
| 491 | YOU KNOW, MAYBE JUST IT WOULD REALLY, REALLY HELP |
| 492 | IF YOU WOULD JUST TALK. |
| 493 | YEAH, COME ON. |
| 494 | WHAT'S GOING ON IN THERE? |
| 495 | Monica: YEAH. |
| 496 | AND, YOU KNOW, IF YOU WANT TO CRY... |
| 497 | THAT'S OKAY, TOO. |
| 498 | OKAY, LOOK, I'M GOING TO HAVE TO ASK |
| 499 | YOU ALL TO LEAVE. |
| 500 | COME ON, CHANDLER. |
| 501 | OH, LOOK, FORGET IT. |
| 502 | WE TRIED, BUT PHASE THREE IS A LOST CAUSE. |
| 503 | OKAY? THOSE STRIPPERS WERE INSANELY HOT |
| 504 | AND I COULDN'T PICTURE MYSELF WITH ANY OF THEM. |
| 505 | ( sighs ) |
| 506 | THEY REALLY WERE PRETTY, WEREN'T THEY? |
| 507 | OH... OOH... |
| 508 | I REALLY LIKED THAT FIGHTER PILOT ONE. |
| 509 | OH, CANDY? OH, SHE WAS SO SPUNKY. |
| 510 | YEAH. |
| 511 | YOU KNOW, I THINK |
| 512 | IF I WERE GOING TO BE WITH A WOMAN... |
| 513 | IT'D BE WITH SOMEONE LIKE MICHELLE |
| 514 | BECAUSE SHE WAS... SHE WAS JUST SO PETITE. |
| 515 | SEE, I DON'T KNOW. |
| 516 | FOR ME IT WOULD HAVE TO BE CHANTAL. |
| 517 | ( gasps ) OH, CHANTAL. |
| 518 | YOU KNOW? |
| 519 | OH, MY GOODNESS. OH... |
| 520 | SHE HAD THE SMOOTHEST SKIN. |
| 521 | I MEAN, WHEN I STUFFED THAT DOLLAR BILL IN HER G-STRING |
| 522 | AND GRAZED HER THIGH... |
| 523 | PHASE THREE! |
| 524 | I JUST ACHIEVED PHASE THREE! |
| 525 | REALLY? |
| 526 | I AM TOTALLY PICTURING YOU WITH ALL THOSE WOMEN. |
| 527 | THAT'S... THAT'S NOT PHASE THREE. |
| 528 | WELL, I'M THERE, TOO. |
| 529 | WELL, ARE WE ALL TOGETHER, LIKE IN A GROUP? |
| 530 | STOP IT! |
| 531 | YOU'RE KILLING ME! |
| 532 | I THINK I JUST MOVED ON TO PHASE FOUR. |
| 533 | OH, WHAT IS THAT? WHAT IS THAT? |
| 534 | WHERE I DON'T WANT TO HAVE A RELATIONSHIP EVER. |
| 535 | I WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH STRIPPERS AND MY FRIENDS. |
| 536 | COME ON. |
| 537 | LET ME SEE THAT SMILE. |
| 538 | I DON'T WANT TO. |
| 539 | PLEASE? |
| 540 | I WANTED TO GO TO THE STRIP CLUB. |
| 541 | I KNOW, BUT YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE PLENTY OF CHANCES. |
| 542 | THERE ARE THOUSANDS OF WOMEN OUT THERE |
| 543 | WHO ARE JUST WAITING TO SCREW ME OVER. |
| 544 | YEAH, ALL RIGHT. |
| 545 | HEY. HEY. |
| 546 | HEY, OH, HOW WAS VERMONT? |
| 547 | EMILY IS... |
| 548 | INCREDIBLE. |
| 549 | I MEAN, THERE ARE NO WORDS TO DESCRIBE HER. |
| 550 | THE WHOLE WEEKEND WAS, WAS LIKE A DREAM. |
| 551 | OH, AND YOU... RACH. |
| 552 | HEY. |
| 553 | YOU WERE SO RIGHT. |
| 554 | WHAT? |
| 555 | WHAT YOU SAID |
| 556 | ABOUT US FINALLY BEING IN A PLACE |
| 557 | WHERE WE COULD REALLY BE HAPPY FOR EACH OTHER. |
| 558 | I MEAN, I... I-I ADMIT I WASN'T QUITE THERE. |
| 559 | YOU KNOW? I MEAN, THE THOUGHT |
| 560 | OF YOU AND THAT, THAT JOSH GUY... |
| 561 | JOSHUA. |
| 562 | JOSHUA... GUY... |
| 563 | AT THAT CLUB, DANCING, HAVING A GOOD TIME. |
| 564 | THE THOUGHT OF IT KIND OF... |
| 565 | YOU KNOW? |
| 566 | YEAH... |
| 567 | BUT NOW-- BUT NOW |
| 568 | I'M TOTALLY THERE. |
| 569 | I'M FINALLY WHERE YOU ARE. |
| 570 | OH, THANK GOODNESS. |
| 571 | YEAH, AND... AND THANK YOU FOR EMILY. |
| 572 | OH, NO PROBLEM. |
| 573 | I'M SO GLAD I COULD HELP. |
| 574 | YOU KNOW, HAPPY FOR YOU. |
| 575 | HAPPY FOR YOU. |
| 576 | OH, NO. |
| 577 | HAPPY FOR YOU. |
| 578 | HERE'S WHAT WE'RE GOING TO DO. |
| 579 | YOU ARE GOING TO TAKE OFF MY CLOTHES; |
| 580 | YOU TWO GO GET THE OILS; |
| 581 | AND YOU JUST CONSTANTLY SCREAM AT THE TOP OF YOUR VOICE |
| 582 | "CHANDLER'S THE KING! CHANDLER'S THE KING!" |
| 583 | I WANT TO BE WITH HER. |
| 584 | I LIKE HER. |
| 585 | OH, THAT'S FINE. |
| 586 | GO WITH YOUR INSTINCTS. |
| 587 | WHAT AM I DOING AGAIN? |
| 588 | WOULD YOU PLEASE |
| 589 | PAY ATTENTION? |
| 590 | I COULD WAKE UP AT ANY MOMENT. |
| 591 | I'M JOSHUA. I'M HERE TO PICK UP RACHEL. |
| 592 | NO, NO. THAT'S NOT JOSHUA. |
| 593 | WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME? |
| 594 | I NEVER MET THE GUY. |
| 595 | SO, ANYWAY, RACHEL, I'M SORRY YOU CAN'T STAY. |
| 596 | THE REST OF US HAVE |
| 597 | A LOT OF WORK TO DO. |
| 598 | [Captioned by The Caption Center WGBH Educational Foundation] |
| 599 | WHAT ARE YOU DOING? |
| 600 | ALL RIGHT, LISTEN, I GOT TO WAKE UP. |
| 601 | |
| 1 | I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M GETTING MY NAILS DONE. |
| 2 | AND YOU SAID IT WAS GOING TO BE FUN... |
| 3 | WHICH IT KIND OF IS. |
| 4 | ALSO, YOU SAID THERE WERE GOING TO BE OTHER GUYS HERE. |
| 5 | THERE ARE NO OTHER GUYS HERE. |
| 6 | CHANDLER, THERE'S A GUY RIGHT OVER THERE. |
| 7 | THAT'S A MAILMAN. |
| 8 | THAT'S OUR MAILMAN. |
| 9 | ( mumbling ): HI. HOW ARE YOU? |
| 10 | CHANDLER, DON'T WORRY. |
| 11 | THIS DOESN'T MAKE YOU ANY LESS OF A GUY. |
| 12 | THAT DOES. |
| 13 | WHAT AM I SITTING ON? |
| 14 | I'D HATE TO THINK WHAT THIS WOMAN WAS SCRATCHING |
| 15 | WHEN THIS BROKE OFF. |
| 16 | HEY, YOU KNOW WHO USED TO HAVE NAILS LIKE THAT? |
| 17 | NO. Janice: OH... |
| 18 | MY... GOD. |
| 19 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 20 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 21 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 22 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 23 | ♪ WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY ♪ |
| 24 | ♪ YOUR WEEK, YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 25 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 26 | ♪ WHEN THE RAIN STARTS TO POUR ♪ |
| 27 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 28 | ♪ LIKE I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE ♪ |
| 29 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 30 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME, TOO. ♪ |
| 31 | JOEY, LET ME ASK A QUESTION. |
| 32 | THIS HAS BEEN DRIVING ME CRAZY. |
| 33 | WHAT DOES THIS LIGHT SWITCH DO? |
| 34 | OH, NOTHING. |
| 35 | DIDN'T IT DRIVE YOU CRAZY |
| 36 | NOT TO KNOW WHAT IT DID? |
| 37 | I KNOW WHAT IT DID-- NOTHING. |
| 38 | THEY WOULDN'T HAVE PUT IT THERE IF IT DIDN'T DO SOMETHING. |
| 39 | HOW CAN YOU NOT CARE? |
| 40 | LIKE THIS. |
| 41 | HERE'S ANOTHER QUESTION FOR YOU: |
| 42 | DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT LITTLE SILVER KNOB |
| 43 | ON THE TOILET DOES? |
| 44 | SURE. IT FLUSHES IT. OKAY, GOOD. |
| 45 | NOW THAT YOU KNOW, WHEN YOU COME OVER |
| 46 | WOULD YOU MIND ACTUALLY USING IT? |
| 47 | HELLO. |
| 48 | HEY. ( yells ) |
| 49 | ( screams ) |
| 50 | OH, MY GOD. WOW. |
| 51 | GUESS WHO WE RAN INTO TODAY. |
| 52 | JANICE. |
| 53 | IS THIS AMAZING? |
| 54 | HOW HAVE YOU BEEN? |
| 55 | WELL, UM... I'M DIVORCED. |
| 56 | ( gasps ) WOW. |
| 57 | YEAH, I'M RIDING THE ALIMONY PONY. |
| 58 | ( machine-gun-fire- like laughter ) |
| 59 | AND THERE IT IS. |
| 60 | I JUST CAME UP TO SAY HI. |
| 61 | HI. ( laughing weakly ) |
| 62 | AND YOU, SWEETIE, I'LL SEE LATER. |
| 63 | OKAY. I'LL SEE YOU TONIGHT. |
| 64 | OKAY. BYE. BYE. |
| 65 | BYE. BYE. BYE. OH, BYE. |
| 66 | BYE-BYE. BYE-BYE. |
| 67 | BYE. BYE. OH. |
| 68 | I CAN'T STAND THE WOMAN. |
| 69 | WHAT? |
| 70 | I THOUGHT YOU WERE CRAZY ABOUT HER. |
| 71 | I KNOW, BUT YOU KNOW ALL THOSE LITTLE ANNOYING THINGS |
| 72 | THAT SHE DID BEFORE WE FELL IN LOVE-- |
| 73 | LIKE HER VOICE AND HER LAUGH AND HER PERSONALITY? |
| 74 | THEY'RE ALL BACK YOU KNOW. |
| 75 | AND SHE'S PICKED UP, LIKE, NINE NEW ONES. |
| 76 | SO, WHAT ARE YOU DOING BRINGING HER HERE? THERE'S PEOPLE HERE. |
| 77 | DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT. I'M TAKING CARE OF IT TONIGHT. |
| 78 | YOU ARE NOT. |
| 79 | YOU HAVE NEVER BEEN ABLE TO BREAK UP WITH HER. |
| 80 | WELL, I DON'T HAVE TO BREAK UP WITH HER THIS TIME. |
| 81 | WE'RE NOT INVOLVED. I'M GOING TO DO A PREEMPTIVE STRIKE. |
| 82 | I'M GOING TO END IT WITH HER BEFORE IT STARTS. |
| 83 | MY ASS IS, LIKE, FROZEN. |
| 84 | YEAH, TRY STICKING IT IN THE FREEZER FOR 20 MINUTES. |
| 85 | I'M TELLING YOU. |
| 86 | I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU REALLY WALK ALONE HERE AT NIGHT. |
| 87 | I MEAN, YOU HEAR SUCH STORIES ABOUT NEW YORK. |
| 88 | NO, IT'S REALLY NOT THAT BAD. |
| 89 | I MEAN, I-I FOR ONE FEEL PERFECTLY SAFE. |
| 90 | Men: EM! EM! |
| 91 | ( laughing ) |
| 92 | HELP! HELP! |
| 93 | HELP! |
| 94 | COME HERE, LOVE. |
| 95 | NO-NO-NO, ROSS. |
| 96 | ROSS, THESE ARE FRIENDS OF MINE FROM HOME. |
| 97 | LIAM, DEVON... |
| 98 | THIS IS ROSS. |
| 99 | OH. HI, MATE. |
| 100 | HEY. HOW ARE YOU, MATE? |
| 101 | HA! THAT WAS A GOOD ONE, HUH? |
| 102 | "HELP! HELP!" |
| 103 | Emily: SO, HOW ARE YOU? |
| 104 | I'VE BEEN MEANING TO RING YOU EVER SINCE I ARRIVED |
| 105 | BUT, UM, WELL, I'VE BEEN RATHER BUSY. |
| 106 | DO YOU REALIZE WE HAVE NOT SEEN EACH OTHER SINCE THE NIGHT OF THAT U2 CONCERT? |
| 107 | HUH. OH, MY GOD, I THINK YOU'RE RIGHT. |
| 108 | WELL, ACTUALLY, THE LAST TIME |
| 109 | YOU AND I SAW EACH OTHER WAS THE NEXT MORNING. |
| 110 | ( chuckling ): OH, LIAM. |
| 111 | HA! OH, LIAM. |
| 112 | SO, UH, WHAT, WERE YOU GUYS PLAYING SOCCER OR SOME...? |
| 113 | ( with fake British accent): OR-OR SHOULD I CALL IT FOOTBALL? |
| 114 | WE WERE PLAYING RUGBY. |
| 115 | WE'RE PLAYING A GAME AT THE PARK TOMORROW. |
| 116 | YOU'RE WELCOME TO PLAY, TOO, IF YOU WANT. |
| 117 | ROSS PLAY RUGBY? |
| 118 | I DON'T THINK SO. |
| 119 | ( mirthless chuckle ) |
| 120 | WHAT... WHAT'S SO FUNNY ABOUT THAT? |
| 121 | WELL, I MEAN... |
| 122 | YOU'RE AMERICAN TO START WITH. |
| 123 | YOU DON'T REALLY HAVE RUGBY HERE. |
| 124 | WELL, WE DIDN'T HAVE FREEDOM HERE |
| 125 | UNTIL 1776 EITHER, SO... |
| 126 | SO, GOOD, THEN. WE'LL SEE YOU |
| 127 | AT RIVERSIDE PARK AT 2:00. |
| 128 | CHEERS. CHEERS. CHEERS. |
| 129 | ( grunting ) |
| 130 | ( grunting ) |
| 131 | OH, BOY, I JUST LOVE TO SING. |
| 132 | YES, I-I KNOW THAT YOU DO. |
| 133 | I THINK ONE OF THE REASONS PEOPLE WERE COMPLAINING |
| 134 | WAS BECAUSE MOST OF THE PEOPLE HAD PAID |
| 135 | TO HEAR THE ACTOR SING "OLD MAN RIVER." |
| 136 | OH, LOOK AT US. WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT |
| 137 | THAT CUPID HAD A STATION AT 14th STREET NAILS? |
| 138 | ( machine-gun-fire- like laughter ) |
| 139 | OKAY, WE HAVE TO TALK. |
| 140 | I'M JUST GETTING OUT OF A VERY SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP. |
| 141 | I KNOW... |
| 142 | AND I'M JUST GETTING OUT OF A MARRIAGE. |
| 143 | I MEAN, TALK ABOUT "MEANT TO BE." |
| 144 | RIGHT... |
| 145 | BUT I JUST THINK THIS IS HAPPENING TOO SOON. |
| 146 | OH, TOO SOON, TOO SCHMOON. |
| 147 | FACE IT, HONEY-- I AM NOT LETTING YOU GET AWAY THIS TIME. |
| 148 | I HEAR YOU... |
| 149 | ( chuckling ) |
| 150 | BUT... |
| 151 | UNFORTUNATELY, MY COMPANY... |
| 152 | IS TRANSFERRING ME OVERSEAS. |
| 153 | OH, NO. |
| 154 | WHERE TO? |
| 155 | ( gasping ): TO PARIS? NO. |
| 156 | NO, NOT-NOT PARIS. |
| 157 | TO LONDON? OH, NO. ROME? |
| 158 | VIENNA? OH, OOH, BARCELONA? |
| 159 | OKAY, COULD YOU JUST STOP TALKING FOR A SECOND? |
| 160 | YEMEN. |
| 161 | ( gasping ) |
| 162 | THAT'S RIGHT, YES. |
| 163 | I'M BEING TRANSFERRED TO YEMEN. |
| 164 | WHEN? |
| 165 | I DON'T KNOW EXACTLY... |
| 166 | OH. |
| 167 | WELL, I WILL JUST HAVE TO SOAK UP |
| 168 | EVERY OUNCE OF CHANDLER BING |
| 169 | UNTIL THAT MOMENT COMES. |
| 170 | BUT I DO KNOW IT'S SOMETIME TOMORROW. |
| 171 | DONE? |
| 172 | YEP. |
| 173 | HEY. |
| 174 | HEY. HEY. |
| 175 | WHAT'S UP? |
| 176 | THIS SWITCH THING HAS BEEN DRIVING ME CRAZY. |
| 177 | SO I TURNED IT OFF AND CHECKED EVERY OUTLET. |
| 178 | FOUR DON'T WORK, WHICH MEANS ONE OF THEM |
| 179 | HAS TO BE CONTROLLED BY THE SWITCH. |
| 180 | SO, I PLUGGED IN THINGS |
| 181 | IN ALL FOUR OUTLETS THAT MAKE NOISE. |
| 182 | THAT WAY, WHEN I TURN IT ON I JUST FOLLOW THE NOISE |
| 183 | AND FIND OUT WHICH ONE IT IS. |
| 184 | I BET I STOPPED LISTENING BEFORE YOU DID. |
| 185 | YOU KNOW, YOU-YOU ALSO COULD HAVE USED, UH, LAMPS |
| 186 | AND THEN FOLLOWED THE LIGHT. |
| 187 | YEAH, WELL, I'M USING NOISE. |
| 188 | ALL RIGHT. OKAY. |
| 189 | ALL RIGHT. SO, EVERYBODY READY? |
| 190 | OKAY. Monica: HERE WE GO. |
| 191 | ( low-pitched humming ) |
| 192 | I HEAR SOMETHING. I HEAR SOMETHING. |
| 193 | WHERE IS IT? |
| 194 | ( pitch rising ) |
| 195 | ( humming ) |
| 196 | IT'S COMING FROM JOEY. |
| 197 | ( humming continues ) |
| 198 | OH, MY GOD, THAT'S SO FREAKY. |
| 199 | TURN HIM OFF! |
| 200 | Sportscaster: Goes back to England with the set scrum |
| 201 | in center field inside to Hall. |
| 202 | OOH, HEY. |
| 203 | Rachel: HI. |
| 204 | CAN WE PUT ON THE NEWS? |
| 205 | I THINK IT MIGHT BE RAINING. |
| 206 | NO. JUST HOLD ON A SEC. |
| 207 | I'M WATCHING THIS RUGBY THING ON ESPN. |
| 208 | I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE BIG DEAL IS. |
| 209 | I'M MAN ENOUGH TO PLAY THIS SPORT. |
| 210 | DUDE, YOU'RE NOT EVEN MAN ENOUGH |
| 211 | TO ORDER THE CHANNEL THAT CARRIES THE SPORT. |
| 212 | HEY THERE, ROSS. |
| 213 | HEY. |
| 214 | JANICE. |
| 215 | ( door closing ) |
| 216 | YOU KNOW, UH... |
| 217 | YOU REALLY DIDN'T HAVE TO HELP ME PACK. |
| 218 | WHEN YOU SAID ALL YOU WERE GOING TO BE DOING BETWEEN NOW |
| 219 | AND THE TIME YOU LEAVE IS PACKING |
| 220 | YOU REALLY DIDN'T LEAVE ME MUCH CHOICE, DID YOU? |
| 221 | WELL, I THOUGHT I DID, BUT I-I GUESS I DID NOT. |
| 222 | HEY. |
| 223 | WHAT'S GOING ON? |
| 224 | OH, I'M PACKING. |
| 225 | YOU KNOW, I-I'M PACKING |
| 226 | 'CAUSE I'M MOVING TO YEMEN TOMORROW. |
| 227 | WELL, THANKS FOR TELLING ME. |
| 228 | I'M ONLY PRETEND MOVING TO YEMEN, OKAY? |
| 229 | IT'S THE ONLY WAY I CAN GET RID OF HER. |
| 230 | OH... GOOD ONE. |
| 231 | YEAH... AND YEMEN. |
| 232 | THAT ACTUALLY SOUNDS LIKE A REAL COUNTRY. |
| 233 | HEY, CHANDLER, COME ON. I'LL SHOW YOU |
| 234 | HOW TO ROLL UP YOUR UNDERWEAR AND STUFF IT IN YOUR SHOES. |
| 235 | IT'S A REAL SPACE SAVER. |
| 236 | YEAH, I KNOW. I DO THAT 'CAUSE IT MAKES ME LOOK TALLER. |
| 237 | Janice: OKAY, CHANDLER. |
| 238 | COME ON. |
| 239 | OKAY. |
| 240 | JOEY, TRADE LIVES WITH ME. NOPE. |
| 241 | MAN, LOOK AT THIS. I CAN'T BELIEVE |
| 242 | YOU SAID YOU'D PLAY RUGBY. |
| 243 | LOOK HOW BRUTAL THIS IS. |
| 244 | HEY, I CAN HANDLE IT. |
| 245 | OH, PLEASE, ROSS. |
| 246 | YOU-YOU GOT HURT PLAYING BADMINTON WITH MY DAD. |
| 247 | THAT'S 'CAUSE YOUR MOM'S DOG KEPT-KEPT LOOKING AT ME. |
| 248 | OKAY, ROSS LOOK-LOOK-LOOK-LOOK. |
| 249 | RIGHT HERE, IT'S CALLED A SCRUM, OKAY? |
| 250 | IT'S KIND OF LIKE A HUDDLE. |
| 251 | AND IS A HUM KIND OF LIKE A SCRUDDLE? |
| 252 | ( chuckling ) |
| 253 | ROSS... |
| 254 | THEY'RE GOING TO KILL YOU. |
| 255 | NOW, WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS ANYWAY? |
| 256 | WELL, YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN THE GUY |
| 257 | THAT SHE USED TO GO OUT WITH. |
| 258 | I MEAN, HE'S LIKE... JOE RUGBY. |
| 259 | YOU'RE KIDDING... AND HE PLAYS RUGBY? |
| 260 | THAT'S SO FUNNY. |
| 261 | ( laughing ) |
| 262 | OH, I SEE. |
| 263 | YOU DID THAT. ALL RIGHT. |
| 264 | ( sighs ) |
| 265 | ANYWAY, SHE THOUGHT THE VERY IDEA OF ME |
| 266 | PLAYING RUGBY WITH HIM WAS, LIKE, HILARIOUS. |
| 267 | SO, I'M GOING TO SHOW HER HOW TOUGH I REALLY AM. |
| 268 | ( snickering ) |
| 269 | I'M SORRY. YOU'RE RIGHT. |
| 270 | YOU ARE A TOUGH GUY. |
| 271 | YOU ARE THE TOUGHEST PALEONTOLOGIST I KNOW. |
| 272 | ALL RIGHT, COME ON. |
| 273 | LOOK, ROSS COULD TAKE CARE OF HIMSELF. |
| 274 | IT'S NOT LIKE HE'S CHANDLER. |
| 275 | Chandler: THANKS. |
| 276 | LOOK, DON'T WORRY ABOUT ME, OKAY? |
| 277 | I'LL JUST LOOK REAL ENERGETIC |
| 278 | AND STAY AWAY FROM THE BALL. |
| 279 | I'LL BE THAT GUY RIGHT OUTSIDE THE CIRCLE. |
| 280 | Ojomo to Back to Bracken. |
| 281 | OH! |
| 282 | OH! OH, GEEZ. |
| 283 | OH. WELL, MAYBE THERE WAS A DOG LOOKING AT HIM. |
| 284 | Joey: OH, HEY, ROSS, ROSS, ROSS. |
| 285 | YOU WANT TO STAY AWAY FROM THAT GUY AND THAT GUY |
| 286 | AND THAT ONE. |
| 287 | DUDE, THEY'RE ALL HUGE. |
| 288 | THEY DON'T LOOK ANY BIGGER THAN ME. |
| 289 | WELL, MAYBE THAT'S 'CAUSE YOU'RE CLOSER TO YOU |
| 290 | SO YOU LOOK BIGGER TO YOU FROM WHERE YOU ARE. |
| 291 | I'M JUST GOING TO GO AND SAY "HELLO" TO THE LADS, ALL RIGHT? |
| 292 | ALL RIGHT. OKAY. |
| 293 | HI. |
| 294 | OH. |
| 295 | I KIND OF LIKED IT. |
| 296 | ( whistle blows ) |
| 297 | OKAY. I KNOW WHAT I'VE GOT TO DO. |
| 298 | I'VE GOT TO GO "RED ROSS." |
| 299 | YOU KNOW, "RED ROSS"? |
| 300 | TOTALLY DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT. |
| 301 | COME ON, THE TIME THAT WE WERE ALL WAITING IN LINE |
| 302 | FOR DANCES WITH WOLVES AND THAT ONE GUY |
| 303 | CUT IN FRONT OF US AND I-I JUST LOST IT? |
| 304 | HUH? SCREAMED AT HIM, TURNED ALL RED? |
| 305 | "RED ROSS"! |
| 306 | NO. |
| 307 | YOU'LL SEE. |
| 308 | LIAM, DO ME A FAVOR. YEAH? |
| 309 | TELL THE LADS TO GO EASY ON ROSS. |
| 310 | IT'S HIS FIRST TIME. |
| 311 | YOU DON'T SAY. |
| 312 | THANK YOU. |
| 313 | OKAY. |
| 314 | GOOD LUCK, BABE. |
| 315 | Liam: ROSS! |
| 316 | ROSS, COME ON! GET IN HERE! |
| 317 | ( players shouting ) |
| 318 | Liam: ROSS, COME ON. |
| 319 | ( player growls ) |
| 320 | COME ON... |
| 321 | ROSS! |
| 322 | ROSS, COME ON. |
| 323 | GET IN THE BLOODY SCRUM. |
| 324 | Devon: ROSS, GET IN! |
| 325 | ( Ross yelling ) |
| 326 | HELP! HELP! |
| 327 | HELP! HELP! HELP! |
| 328 | HELP! HELP! HELP! |
| 329 | SOMEBODY! |
| 330 | OH! YOU... ARE... NOT GOING TO BELIEVE IT. |
| 331 | JOSHUA CAME INTO WORK TODAY, AND GUESS WHAT HAPPENED? |
| 332 | HE ASKED YOU OUT? NO. |
| 333 | BUT I WAS SHOWING HIM SOME CUFF LINKS |
| 334 | AND I FELT HIS PULSE. |
| 335 | SAUCY. |
| 336 | WHAT ARE THESE? AH. |
| 337 | ELECTRICAL PLANS FOR THE BUILDING. |
| 338 | OKAY, OKAY, OKAY. SHOULD I BE SCARED? |
| 339 | I KNOW THAT SWITCH HAS GOT TO DO SOMETHING, OKAY? |
| 340 | SO-SO I WENT DOWN TO CITY HALL AND I GOT THESE. |
| 341 | ALL I HAD TO DO IS PAY $25 |
| 342 | AND WAIT IN LINE FOR THREE HOURS. |
| 343 | WOW! IF ONLY MORE PEOPLE KNEW. |
| 344 | YOU KNOW, YOU REALLY DIDN'T HAVE TO TAKE ME TO THE AIRPORT. |
| 345 | OH, PLEASE. EVERY MOMENT IS PRECIOUS. |
| 346 | BESIDES, SOMEBODY HAD TO RIDE IN THAT OTHER TAXI WITH THE REST OF YOUR LUGGAGE |
| 347 | AND YOUR FRIENDS DON'T SEEM TO CARE VERY MUCH THAT YOU'RE LEAVING. |
| 348 | WELL, WE'RE NOT REALLY THAT CLOSE. |
| 349 | OKAY, SO, I GUESS THIS IS, UH... |
| 350 | YOU KNOW, GOOD-BYE, THEN. |
| 351 | OH, NO! NO, IT'S NOT GOOD-BYE. |
| 352 | I'M NOT LEAVING UNTIL YOU GET ON THAT PLANE. |
| 353 | OKAY, WELL, I GUESS JUST WAIT HERE, THEN. |
| 354 | HI. I NEED A FAKE TICKET TO YEMEN. |
| 355 | ONE TICKET TO YEMEN? OH, NO, NO. NO, NO, NO, NO. |
| 356 | I JUST NEED... I JUST NEED A PRETEND TICKET. |
| 357 | I-I'M SORRY, SIR. I DON'T UNDERSTAND. |
| 358 | WHAT WOULD YOU GIVE A KID IF HE WANTED A TICKET TO PLAY WITH? |
| 359 | ARE YOU TRAVELING WITH A CHILD? |
| 360 | NO. |
| 361 | ALL RIGHT, LOOK, YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 362 | SHE'S GOING TO THINK THAT I'M HANDING YOU A CREDIT CARD |
| 363 | BUT WHAT I'M REALLY GOING TO DO IS HAND YOU A LIBRARY CARD. |
| 364 | UH... SIR, A TICKET TO YEMEN IS $2,100 |
| 365 | AND WE DON'T TAKE LIBRARY CARDS. |
| 366 | WHAT'S THE MATTER? IS SOMETHING WRONG? |
| 367 | ( gasps ) DO YOU HAVE TO STAY? |
| 368 | AMERICAN EXPRESS? |
| 369 | ROSS! |
| 370 | OH! I CAN'T BELIEVE |
| 371 | THEY'RE DOING THAT TO HIM. |
| 372 | I TOLD THEM TO GO EASY ON HIM. |
| 373 | NO OFFENSE, BUT, YOU KNOW SOMETIMES IT'S HARD TO UNDERSTAND YOU |
| 374 | YOU KNOW, WITH THE ACCENT, SO... |
| 375 | ( blows whistle ) |
| 376 | THAT'S JUST HALFTIME. THERE'S MORE OF THIS. |
| 377 | Joey: OH, HEY. |
| 378 | Phoebe: HEY. |
| 379 | ( panting ): DID YOU SEE ME? |
| 380 | I WAS PRETTY GOOD, HUH? |
| 381 | THAT IS ONE FUN GAME. |
| 382 | RIGHT. HEY, DO ME A FAVOR. |
| 383 | COULD YOU JUST GRAB ME A BOTTLE OF WATER? THANKS. |
| 384 | ( gasps ) |
| 385 | I-I THINK I'M DYING. |
| 386 | I-I REALLY DO. |
| 387 | OH, YOU POOR BABY... |
| 388 | TELL MY SON THAT I LOVE HIM. |
| 389 | OKAY. |
| 390 | OH, EXCELLENT. |
| 391 | OH, OKAY, GOT TO HAVE SOME MORE FUN. |
| 392 | ROSS, THEY ARE KILLING YOU OUT THERE. |
| 393 | MM-MMM. |
| 394 | THAT'S NOT TRUE. |
| 395 | SHE'S RIGHT. YOU HAVE TO STOP. |
| 396 | WHAT? NO. NO, I'M NOT STOPPING. |
| 397 | I'M "RED ROSS." |
| 398 | DUDE, YOU GO BACK OUT THERE |
| 399 | YOU'RE GOING TO BE DEAD ROSS. |
| 400 | I DON'T CARE. I AM NOT QUITTING. |
| 401 | I AM GOING TO FINISH THIS GAME. |
| 402 | IF YOU INSIST ON DOING THIS |
| 403 | AT LEAST LET ME HELP YOU. |
| 404 | NO. GOD, NO. THAT IS NO PLACE FOR A WOMAN. |
| 405 | THOSE GUYS WILL GRAB ANYTHING. |
| 406 | NO, THAT'S NOT WHAT I WAS SAYING. |
| 407 | I JUST MIGHT KNOW A FEW THINGS |
| 408 | THAT COULD HELP YOU INFLICT SOME PAIN. |
| 409 | I LIKE THAT. YEAH? |
| 410 | LISTEN CLOSELY: DEVON HAS GOT A WEAK ANKLE. HUH? |
| 411 | ONE SWIFT KICK, AND HE'LL BACK OFF. |
| 412 | BAD ANKLE. GOT IT! |
| 413 | AND THAT BIG BLOKE WITH THE BEARD... UH-HUH? |
| 414 | HE'S GOT A TRICK HIP. HUH-HA! |
| 415 | YEAH. AND DAVID OVER THERE |
| 416 | I'VE HEARD THAT HE DOESN'T WEAR A CUP. |
| 417 | WELL, I COULD USE THAT. |
| 418 | TRICK HIP, NO CUP. OKAY, OKAY! |
| 419 | AND-AND LIAM-- LIAM'S GOT BAD KNEES. |
| 420 | YOU HIT HIM RIGHT AND HE'LL GO DOWN LIKE A LAMP. |
| 421 | BUT-BUT LIAM'S ON MY TEAM. |
| 422 | I DON'T CARE. YOU JUST GET THEM! |
| 423 | I'M GOING TO GET HIM! |
| 424 | OKAY, I AM GOING BACK IN. |
| 425 | ( growling ) |
| 426 | HEY, "RED ROSS," YEAH. |
| 427 | HI. |
| 428 | HI. |
| 429 | WHAT'RE-WHAT'RE, WHAT ARE THESE? |
| 430 | OH, JUST SOME PICTURES I MADE AND HUNG UP. |
| 431 | THOUGHT THEY'D BRIGHTEN UP THE PLACE. |
| 432 | THEY DO, DON'T YOU THINK? |
| 433 | ( yipes ) NO, NO, DON'T! DON'T! |
| 434 | ( yipes ) |
| 435 | I KNOW THERE'S NO HOLE THERE. |
| 436 | I JUST REALLY LIKE THAT PICTURE. |
| 437 | OH, MY GOD, LOOK AT THIS! |
| 438 | OKAY, BUT THERE IS A WIRE BACK THERE. |
| 439 | THAT SWITCH IS CONNECTED TO SOMETHING. |
| 440 | I DON'T CARE. THE WIRES HAVE COME LOOSE IN YOUR HEAD. |
| 441 | I-I JUST THOUGHT IF I COULD FOLLOW THE WIRE |
| 442 | I COULD FIND OUT WHAT IT DID. |
| 443 | AND DID YOU? |
| 444 | NO. |
| 445 | DISAPPEARS BACK THERE BEHIND THAT BASEBOARD. |
| 446 | FOR A MINUTE THERE I THOUGHT IT WENT DOWNSTAIRS... |
| 447 | ( gasps ) |
| 448 | BUT IT DIDN'T. |
| 449 | SAY "HELLO" TO MRS. KATRAKAS. |
| 450 | OH, MY GOD. Mrs. Katrakas: HELLO, DARLING. |
| 451 | HELLO, MRS. KATRAKAS. |
| 452 | NOW, ARE YOU SURE YOU DON'T WANT TO GO SEE A DOCTOR? |
| 453 | AW, NO. THAT'LL JUST BRING ME DOWN. |
| 454 | THIS WAS GREAT. |
| 455 | I MEAN, I-I-I WAS GREAT. |
| 456 | THIS WAS A GREAT DAY. |
| 457 | YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M BUYING EVERYONE COFFEE. |
| 458 | WOULD SOMEONE JUST GRAB MY WALLET? |
| 459 | IT'S IN MY POCKET. YEAH, SURE. |
| 460 | NO, NOT YOU. |
| 461 | LOOK, YOUR EYE'S STILL POPPING OUT A LITTLE THERE. |
| 462 | I'M GOING TO GO GET SOME ICE. |
| 463 | OOH, ICE, YEAH. |
| 464 | I'M SO IN THE MOOD FOR ICE. |
| 465 | YEAH. |
| 466 | AAH... |
| 467 | YOU WERE AMAZING OUT THERE. |
| 468 | OH... |
| 469 | I KIND OF WAS, WASN'T I? |
| 470 | OH, MY GOD! |
| 471 | I MADE A MAN TWICE MY SIZE CRY. |
| 472 | I MEAN, I HAVEN'T DONE THAT SINCE I WAS FOUR |
| 473 | AND I WASHED MY DAD'S PORSCHE WITH ROCKS. |
| 474 | YOU REALLY ENJOYED YOURSELF, DIDN'T YOU? |
| 475 | PLEASE, ARE YOU KIDDING? |
| 476 | I-I HURT THREE HUGE MEN. |
| 477 | I GAVE A GUY A BLOODY NOSE. |
| 478 | I MEAN, I'M-I'M NOT PROUD OF IT, BUT... |
| 479 | I REALLY AM. I MEAN... ( chuckles ) |
| 480 | AND IT'S ALL BECAUSE OF YOU. |
| 481 | YEAH. WONDERFUL, AMAZING YOU. |
| 482 | I THINK YOU'VE GOT A CONCUSSION. |
| 483 | NO. NO, I'M SERIOUS. |
| 484 | THANK YOU. |
| 485 | YOU'RE WELCOME. |
| 486 | ( squeals ) |
| 487 | I'M SORRY. DID THAT HURT YOU? |
| 488 | IT'S WORTH THE PAIN. |
| 489 | ( chuckles ) |
| 490 | YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 491 | YOU KNOW WHAT? IT'S NOT. |
| 492 | SORRY. |
| 493 | Announcer: This is the final boarding call for flight 664 to Yemen. |
| 494 | WELL, I GUESS I GOT TO GO. |
| 495 | OH, MY BING-A-LING. |
| 496 | I'LL WAIT FOR YOU. DO YOU EVEN KNOW |
| 497 | HOW LONG YOU'RE GOING TO BE GONE? |
| 498 | WELL, JUST UNTIL WE FIND AN ENERGY SOURCE TO REPLACE FUEL. |
| 499 | OH. WELL, I'LL WRITE YOU EVERY DAY. |
| 500 | OKAY. 15 YEMEN ROAD, YEMEN. |
| 501 | OKAY, GOOD-BYE. |
| 502 | GOOD-BYE. |
| 503 | CHANDLER? |
| 504 | NOPE. |
| 505 | CHANDLER! |
| 506 | JANICE, THERE YOU ARE. THERE YOU ARE. |
| 507 | I HAD TO HAVE ONE LAST KISS |
| 508 | AND ALSO, YOU SAID YOU WERE GOING TO LEAVE |
| 509 | RIGHT AFTER I GOT ON THE PLANE. |
| 510 | NO, NO. I-I WANT TO SEE YOU TAKE OFF. |
| 511 | WELL, THEN I GUESS I'M GOING TO YEMEN. |
| 512 | I'M GOING TO YEMEN. |
| 513 | WHEN WE GET TO YEMEN CAN I STAY WITH YOU? |
| 514 | ALL RIGHT. THE SUPER COULDN'T FIGURE OUT WHAT IT DID. |
| 515 | THE $200-AN-HOUR ELECTRICIAN COULDN'T FIGURE OUT WHAT IT DID. |
| 516 | I'VE HAD SEVEN PRETTY SERIOUS SHOCKS. |
| 517 | I OFFICIALLY GIVE UP. |
| 518 | THANK GOD. |
| 519 | GUESS JOEY WAS RIGHT. |
| 520 | IT DOES NOTHING. |
| 521 | SEE? |
| 522 | I'M DOING IT. |
| 523 | I AM TOTALLY DOING IT. |
| 524 | I LOST IT. |
| 525 | |
| 1 | NOTHING! I CAN'T FIND ANYTHING THAT I WANT TO EAT. |
| 2 | EVERYTHING MAKES ME NAUSEOUS. |
| 3 | BEING PREGNANT IS NO PIECE OF CAKE. |
| 4 | OOH, CAKE. |
| 5 | NO. |
| 6 | SEE? |
| 7 | OH, HONEY, I'M SORRY. |
| 8 | GOD... OOH! |
| 9 | WHAT IS THAT SMELL? |
| 10 | IT'S COMING FROM THE BATHROOM. OOH! |
| 11 | WOW, PREGNANCY DOES GIVE YOU SOME WEIRD CRAVINGS. |
| 12 | ( knocking ) |
| 13 | Joey: YEAH? |
| 14 | IT'S ME, PHOEBE. |
| 15 | THERE'S SOMETHING IN HERE I WANT TO EAT. |
| 16 | WHAT, WHAT...? |
| 17 | WHAT SMELLS SO GOOD? |
| 18 | IS IT THE SHAMPOO? |
| 19 | IT'S GUAVA. |
| 20 | NO! |
| 21 | EWW! |
| 22 | OH, WAIT, WAIT! |
| 23 | IS IT MY BOLOGNA SANDWICH? |
| 24 | YES. YES, YES, YES! |
| 25 | I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT THE BABY WANTS BOLOGNA. |
| 26 | THE BABY WANTS ME TO EAT MEAT! |
| 27 | I CAN'T EAT MEAT! |
| 28 | OH, WAIT, WAIT! |
| 29 | MAYBE IT'S THE PICKLE. |
| 30 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 31 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 32 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 33 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 34 | ♪ WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY ♪ |
| 35 | ♪ YOUR WEEK, YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 36 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 37 | ♪ WHEN THE RAIN STARTS TO POUR ♪ |
| 38 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 39 | ♪ LIKE I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE ♪ |
| 40 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 41 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME, TOO. ♪ |
| 42 | WHAT ARE YOU WRITING? |
| 43 | WELL, JOSHUA'S COMING IN TOMORROW |
| 44 | AND SINCE I DON'T HAVE THE GUTS TO ASK HIM OUT |
| 45 | I'M GOING TO SELL HIM A COAT |
| 46 | AND PUT THIS NOTE IN THE POCKET. |
| 47 | OH, YEAH? |
| 48 | "JOSHUA, GIVE ME A CALL SOMETIME. |
| 49 | "GUYS LIKE YOU... |
| 50 | NEVER GO OUT OF STYLE." |
| 51 | WHAT DID YOU THROW AWAY? |
| 52 | Chandler: HI, GUYS. |
| 53 | HI. |
| 54 | HEY, WHAT HAVE YOU GUYS BEEN UP TO? |
| 55 | OH, WE WENT TO SEE A COLLECTION OF VICTORIAN DOORKNOBS |
| 56 | AT THE COOPER HEWITT MUSEUM. |
| 57 | WITHOUT ME?! |
| 58 | YEAH. MY UNCLE DRAGGED US THERE |
| 59 | BUT IT ACTUALLY TURNED OUT TO BE REALLY INTERESTING. |
| 60 | THEY WERE SO ORNATE AND BEAUTIFUL. |
| 61 | I MEAN, LOOK AT THAT. |
| 62 | I DON'T KNOW HOW MUSEUMS WORK IN ENGLAND |
| 63 | BUT HERE, YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED |
| 64 | TO TAKE STUFF. |
| 65 | I, UH, I GOT IT FROM THE GIFT SHOP. |
| 66 | THEY HAVE REALLY LAX SECURITY THERE. |
| 67 | IT'S A JOKE. |
| 68 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 69 | RIGHT. I'VE GOT TO BE OFF. |
| 70 | WELL, SEE YOU. |
| 71 | BYE-BYE, THEN. |
| 72 | All: BYE. |
| 73 | WELL... HEY, YOU GUYS |
| 74 | SEEM TO BE HAVING A GOOD TIME. |
| 75 | OH, YEAH. |
| 76 | SHE'S-SHE'S AMAZING |
| 77 | AND-AND SHE'S SO MUCH FUN, YOU KNOW? |
| 78 | AND YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 79 | WHEN I'M WITH HER, I'M FUN. |
| 80 | ( laughs weakly ) |
| 81 | I EVEN SIGNED UP FOR HELICOPTER CLASSES. |
| 82 | SHE'S LEAVING IN TWO DAYS. |
| 83 | I DON'T HAVE TO DO IT. |
| 84 | WOW. TWO DAYS. |
| 85 | YOU MUST BE BUMMED. |
| 86 | SHE'S GOT TO GO BACK TO LONDON |
| 87 | BUT I'VE BEEN PREPARED FOR THIS FROM THE START. |
| 88 | WE BOTH KNEW WE HAD TWO WEEKS TOGETHER |
| 89 | AND THEN THAT'S IT, YOU KNOW? |
| 90 | HEY, THAT'S WHAT ALL MY RELATIONSHIPS ARE LIKE. |
| 91 | YES, BUT IN ROSS' CASE |
| 92 | THEY BOTH KNOW IN TWO WEEKS THAT'S IT. |
| 93 | PHEEBS! |
| 94 | HEY! |
| 95 | OH, HELLO! HELLO! |
| 96 | I KNOW, I KNOW. YEAH. |
| 97 | SO, THE BABY IS TOTALLY CRAVING MEAT. |
| 98 | THIS AFTERNOON, I TRIED TRICKING IT. |
| 99 | I MADE IT A SOY BURGER |
| 100 | SO MAYBE IT WOULD THINK IT WAS GETTING MEAT |
| 101 | AND I GOT NAUSEOUS. |
| 102 | WELL, MAYBE THAT'S BECAUSE SOY BURGERS SUCK. |
| 103 | BEING PREGNANT IS HARD ON YOUR TUMMY. |
| 104 | BUT AT LEAST YOU GET THAT COOL, "PREGNANT LADY GLOW." |
| 105 | OH, THAT'S SWEAT. |
| 106 | YOU THROW UP ALL MORNING. |
| 107 | YOU'LL HAVE THAT GLOW, TOO. |
| 108 | OKAY. |
| 109 | OH, UH, HERE'S THAT TRENCH COAT THAT YOU WANTED. |
| 110 | OH, GREAT, GREAT. |
| 111 | WOW. YEAH. |
| 112 | IT'S COMFORTABLE. |
| 113 | YEAH. MAN... |
| 114 | I COULD REALLY FLASH SOMEBODY IN THIS THING. |
| 115 | OH, NO, NO. THEY DON'T WANT YOU |
| 116 | TO PUT YOUR HANDS IN THE POCKETS |
| 117 | UNTIL YOU ARE OUT OF THE STORE. |
| 118 | WHY NOT? |
| 119 | WELL, BECAUSE... |
| 120 | WE GET A LOT OF... |
| 121 | YOU KNOW, THEY RUIN IT FOR EVERYBODY. |
| 122 | I KNOW. |
| 123 | I WORE THAT CASHMERE SWEATER ON A DATE LAST NIGHT. |
| 124 | OH. YEAH. |
| 125 | IT WAS THE FIRST DATE SINCE THE DIVORCE. |
| 126 | WELL, CONGRATULATIONS. |
| 127 | SO, DO YOU LOVE HER? |
| 128 | NO, NO, NO. |
| 129 | SHE'S NICE, BUT IT JUST MADE ME REALIZE |
| 130 | I'M JUST NOT READY TO... TO BE DATING, YOU KNOW? |
| 131 | HUH. |
| 132 | WELL... |
| 133 | UH... |
| 134 | THAT'S, UH... |
| 135 | THAT'S INTERESTING. |
| 136 | HEY, WHOA. HEY... |
| 137 | WHAT WAS THAT? |
| 138 | OH, IT'S JUST AN ANTI-THEFT DEVICE. |
| 139 | THEN, UH, WH-WHAT'S THIS? |
| 140 | WELL, YOU NEED THAT, YOU NEED THAT, TOO |
| 141 | 'CAUSE, OBVIOUSLY, A THIEF COULD JUST TEAR THIS RIGHT UP. |
| 142 | WE HAVE TO HAVE A PARTY TONIGHT. |
| 143 | ACTUALLY, WE HAVE TO HAVE ONE IN FIVE MINUTES |
| 144 | SO, EVERYBODY CANCEL YOUR PLANS. |
| 145 | WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? |
| 146 | WE HAVE TO HAVE A SURPRISE BON VOYAGE PARTY FOR EMILY |
| 147 | BUT IT'S ACTUALLY FOR JOSHUA. |
| 148 | LOOK. HE SAID HE'S NOT READY TO DATE |
| 149 | SO I HAD TO INVITE HIM TO A PARTY |
| 150 | IF I WANTED TO SEE HIM OUTSIDE OF WORK |
| 151 | AND NOW I HAVE CREATED |
| 152 | THE PERFECT OPPORTUNITY TO SEDUCE HIM. |
| 153 | WELL, AS MUCH AS I'D LIKE TO MEET JOSH |
| 154 | AND WARN HIM... |
| 155 | EMILY AND I AREN'T GOING TO BE HERE. |
| 156 | I MEAN, SHE'S GOING TO COME BY FIRST TO SAY GOOD-BYE |
| 157 | AND THEN I'VE GOT A WHOLE SPECIAL EVENING PLANNED |
| 158 | SO, SORRY, NO PARTY. |
| 159 | AW! |
| 160 | HELLO. |
| 161 | SURPRISE! |
| 162 | SURPRISE! SURPRISE! |
| 163 | NO ONE'S EVER THROWN ME A SURPRISE PARTY BEFORE! |
| 164 | WELL, IT WAS ALL ROSS' IDEA. |
| 165 | YOU'RE SO SWEET... |
| 166 | AND I'M SO SURPRISED. |
| 167 | YOU REALLY DIDN'T KNOW? |
| 168 | WHY ARE YOU OVER HERE |
| 169 | IF JOSHUA'S ALL THE WAY OVER THERE? |
| 170 | UH, BECAUSE I'M TRYING TO PLAY HARD-TO-GET. |
| 171 | HE'S LOOKING. |
| 172 | SAY SOMETHING FUNNY. |
| 173 | LIKE WHAT? |
| 174 | ( theatrical laugh ) |
| 175 | WH-WH-WHAT'S SO FUNNY? |
| 176 | I SAID "LIKE WHAT?" |
| 177 | WELL, THAT'S A THINKER. |
| 178 | OKAY. THIS PLAYING HARD-TO-GET THING |
| 179 | IS NOT WORKING. |
| 180 | HAND ME THOSE CHERRIES. |
| 181 | OKAY. |
| 182 | OKAY. |
| 183 | HI. HEY. |
| 184 | CARE FOR A CHERRY? |
| 185 | OH, NO, THANKS. |
| 186 | YOU KNOW, I CAN TIE ONE OF THESE INTO A KNOT |
| 187 | USING JUST MY TONGUE. |
| 188 | ( choking ) |
| 189 | ( coughing ) |
| 190 | YOU OKAY? |
| 191 | YOU ALL RIGHT? |
| 192 | SO, WE SHOULD PROBABLY GET GOING SOON. |
| 193 | OH, BUT THE PARTY'S ONLY JUST GETTING STARTED. |
| 194 | WE HAVE TO BE AT THE FOUR SEASONS FOR DRINKS |
| 195 | IN-- OH!-- 15 MINUTES, AND THEN, UH, YOU KNOW |
| 196 | THEN THE PLAZA FOR DINNER. |
| 197 | SO, WHY DID YOU PLAN A PARTY AT THE SAME TIME? |
| 198 | NO, NO, NO. NO. |
| 199 | UM, ACTUALLY, AMERICAN SURPRISE PARTIES |
| 200 | ARE-ARE-ARE VERY SHORT. |
| 201 | IT'S USUALLY "SURPRISE!" |
| 202 | AND THEN, "OH, MY GOD, I'M SO SURPRISED. GOOD-BYE." |
| 203 | ROSS, I'M HAVING SUCH A GREAT TIME. |
| 204 | YOUR SISTER HAS JUST BEEN TELLING ME |
| 205 | THAT YOU USED TO DRESS UP LIKE LITTLE OLD LADIES |
| 206 | AND HOST MAKE-BELIEVE TEA PARTIES. |
| 207 | MONICA SAID THAT, DID SHE? |
| 208 | YEAH. |
| 209 | OH, YEAH. |
| 210 | WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO PUT ON TOP OF THAT? |
| 211 | A LITTLE SALAMI. |
| 212 | OOH, YEAH, YEAH. |
| 213 | THEN, UM, WHAT GOES ON TOP OF THE SALAMI? |
| 214 | OH, PASTRAMI. |
| 215 | OOH, YEAH. |
| 216 | YOU'RE A GENIUS. |
| 217 | OH, COULD SOMEBODY GIVE ME A HAND WITH THE ZIPPER? |
| 218 | UP! |
| 219 | YOU CHANGED? |
| 220 | YEAH. I DECIDED I NEEDED MY LUCKY DRESS. |
| 221 | AND "LUCKY" MEANS MORE CLEAVAGE? |
| 222 | IT DOES FOR ME. |
| 223 | OH, GOD, LOOK AT HIM! |
| 224 | HE'S SO CUTE! |
| 225 | I JUST WANT TO GO |
| 226 | OVER THERE AND GRAB HIM AND KISS HIM! |
| 227 | HOW COULD I KISS HIM |
| 228 | WITHOUT LETTING HIM KNOW THAT I LIKE HIM?! |
| 229 | HEY, I KNOW HOW YOU CAN GET HIM. |
| 230 | TAKE OFF YOUR BRA. |
| 231 | WHAT? |
| 232 | THIS SCENE IN FOOTLOOSE... |
| 233 | FLASHDANCE. |
| 234 | YEAH. WITH THAT PLUMBER GIRL... |
| 235 | SHE WAS A WELDER. |
| 236 | WERE YOU, LIKE, IN THE MOVIE, OR...? |
| 237 | ANYWAY, SHE TAKES OFF HER BRA UNDER THE SHIRT |
| 238 | AND PULLS IT OUT THE SLEEVE. |
| 239 | VERY SEXY, AND CLASSY. |
| 240 | OR, IF YOU WANT TO KISS HIM |
| 241 | UM, YOU COULD USE MISTLETOE. |
| 242 | IT'S NOT CHRISTMAS. |
| 243 | SPIN THE BOTTLE. |
| 244 | HE'S NOT 11. |
| 245 | THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS. |
| 246 | IT WAS REALLY SO THOUGHTFUL OF YOU. |
| 247 | WHAT, YOU'RE LEAVING?! |
| 248 | WE HAVE SOMETHING TO GET TO. |
| 249 | YEAH. I THINK I'M GOING TO TAKE OFF, TOO, ACTUALLY. |
| 250 | OH, YOU GUYS, YOU CAN'T LEAVE YET! |
| 251 | YOU HAVE TO STAY! |
| 252 | WE... WE'VE GOT THE WHOLE BIG THING PLANNED. |
| 253 | WHAT BIG THING? |
| 254 | SO, SPIN THE BOTTLE WORKS LIKE THIS: |
| 255 | I SPIN THE BOTTLE... |
| 256 | LANDS ON GUNTHER, SO I WOULD HAVE TO KISS GUNTHER. |
| 257 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 258 | WHO WANTS TO GO FIRST? |
| 259 | I'LL GO. |
| 260 | OKAY! |
| 261 | EMILY! WHOO! |
| 262 | WELCOME TO AMERICA. |
| 263 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 264 | ( Monica squealing ) |
| 265 | TWO IN A ROW. |
| 266 | YOU GOT TO USE YOUR TONGUES NOW. |
| 267 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 268 | WHAT ARE THE ODDS? |
| 269 | WHAT ARE THE ODDS? |
| 270 | OKAY. TH-THAT'S ENOUGH, YOU KNOW? |
| 271 | LET'S LET SOMEONE ELSE PLAY. |
| 272 | IF YOU DIDN'T WANT TO PLAY |
| 273 | THEN WHY'D YOU COME TO THE PARTY? |
| 274 | OKAY. MY TURN! |
| 275 | OH! |
| 276 | LOOK AT THAT! |
| 277 | OH, MY GOD! |
| 278 | OH, MY GOD, THE BABY JUST KICKED! |
| 279 | OH! |
| 280 | IT'S OKAY, IT'S OKAY! |
| 281 | IF IT KICKED ONCE, IT'LL KICK AGAIN! |
| 282 | ( all clamoring ) |
| 283 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 284 | WELL, EVERYBODY JUST REMEMBER WHERE THEY WERE SITTING. |
| 285 | IT WAS A BUG. |
| 286 | YOU KNOW WHY I'M NEVER |
| 287 | GOING TO EAT MEAT? |
| 288 | 'CAUSE IT'S MURDER. |
| 289 | IT'S COLD-BLOODED MURDER. |
| 290 | OKAY. |
| 291 | THERE'S A PHOEBE ON MY SANDWICH. |
| 292 | MMM. |
| 293 | PHOEBE, WH-WHAT ARE YOU DOING? |
| 294 | I CAN'T HELP IT. |
| 295 | I NEED THE MEAT. |
| 296 | THE BABY NEEDS THE MEAT. |
| 297 | YOU KNOW HOW WHEN YOU'RE DATING SOMEONE |
| 298 | AND YOU DON'T WANT TO CHEAT ON THEM |
| 299 | UNLESS IT'S WITH SOMEONE REALLY HOT? |
| 300 | YEAH. TOTALLY. |
| 301 | ALL RIGHT. OKAY. |
| 302 | WELL, THIS IS THE SAME KIND OF DEAL. |
| 303 | IF YOU'RE GOING TO DO SOMETHING WRONG... |
| 304 | DO IT RIGHT. |
| 305 | SO YOU FEEL BETTER NOW? |
| 306 | YEAH, BUT AT WHAT COST? |
| 307 | SIX MORE MONTHS, THREE MEALS A DAY. |
| 308 | I'M GOING TO EAT LIKE, YOU KNOW... |
| 309 | MILLIONS OF COWS. |
| 310 | HEY, WHAT IF I SAID I COULD EVEN THINGS OUT FOR YOU... |
| 311 | MEAT-WISE? |
| 312 | WHAT? |
| 313 | I EAT A LOT OF MEAT, RIGHT? |
| 314 | BUT SUPPOSE, UNTIL THE BABY'S BORN |
| 315 | I LAID OFF IT. |
| 316 | NO EXTRA ANIMALS WOULD DIE. |
| 317 | YOU'D JUST BE EATING MY ANIMALS. |
| 318 | JOEY, I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WOULD DO THAT FOR ME. |
| 319 | ABSOLUTELY. |
| 320 | I COULD BE A VEGETARIAN. |
| 321 | THERE'S NO MEAT IN BEER, RIGHT? |
| 322 | WE CAN STILL MAKE DINNER IF WE SKIP APPETIZERS |
| 323 | AND ASK FOR OUR CHECK RIGHT AWAY. |
| 324 | WELL, WE CAN'T GO NOW. |
| 325 | LOOKS LIKE RACHEL'S GOING TO PUT ON A SKIT. |
| 326 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 327 | HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND? |
| 328 | NO. NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. |
| 329 | I AM FINALLY THINKING CLEARLY. |
| 330 | MY LUCKY DRESS WASN'T WORKING OUT TOO WELL FOR ME |
| 331 | BUT FOR FOUR YEARS, THIS BABY NEVER MISSED. |
| 332 | RACHEL, RACHEL, RACHEL, I CANNOT... I CAN'T LET... |
| 333 | ACTUALLY, I KIND OF WANT TO SEE WHAT HAPPENS. |
| 334 | HEY. HI. |
| 335 | NICE, UH... COSTUME. |
| 336 | OH, YEAH. |
| 337 | WELL, I WANTED TO GIVE EMILY |
| 338 | A BIG, AMERICAN GOOD-BYE CHEER. |
| 339 | SO, OKAY. |
| 340 | WHOO! |
| 341 | READY? |
| 342 | OKAY. |
| 343 | GIVE ME AN "E." |
| 344 | All: "E" |
| 345 | GIVE ME AN "M." "M" |
| 346 | GIVE ME AN "I." "I" |
| 347 | GIVE ME AN "L." "L" |
| 348 | GIVE ME A "Y." |
| 349 | "Y" |
| 350 | WHAT DO YOU GET? |
| 351 | EMILY. |
| 352 | WHOO! |
| 353 | EMILY! |
| 354 | ( yells ) |
| 355 | OKAY, SO THAT'S ME AS A CHEERLEADER. |
| 356 | TA-DUM! |
| 357 | YOU ALL RIGHT? |
| 358 | FINE. I'M FINE. |
| 359 | I JUST LOOSENED A TOOTH. |
| 360 | IT'S NO BIG DEAL. I HAVE A DENTIST. |
| 361 | I'LL GO PUT SOME ICE ON IT. |
| 362 | EXCUSE ME. |
| 363 | OKAY. WHAT DO I DO NOW? |
| 364 | I THINK YOU'RE DONE. |
| 365 | OKAY. TIME TO TAKE OFF THE BRA. |
| 366 | UH, THAT WAS... REALLY, UH, GREAT |
| 367 | BUT I-I GOT TO TAKE OFF, ACTUALLY. |
| 368 | ( whispers ): TAKE THE BRA OFF. |
| 369 | ALL RIGHT. COME ON. |
| 370 | LET'S GO GET YOUR COAT. |
| 371 | OKAY. |
| 372 | RACHEL IS MY GIRLFRIEND. |
| 373 | SO THIS WAS, UH, REALLY FUN. |
| 374 | OH, YEAH. IT'S REAL FUN. |
| 375 | YOU KNOW, THIS BRA... |
| 376 | IS REALLY BOTHERING ME. |
| 377 | YOU KNOW, THIS USED TO BE MY BEDROOM. |
| 378 | YEAH. |
| 379 | LOT OF MEMORIES IN HERE. |
| 380 | LOT OF MEMORIES. |
| 381 | IF THESE WALLS COULD TALK, YOU KNOW WHAT THEY'D SAY? |
| 382 | WANT TO HEAR SOME MEMORIES? |
| 383 | NEED A... NEED A LITTLE HAND THERE? |
| 384 | OH, NO, NO. I GOT THIS ALL UNDER CONTROL. |
| 385 | YOU REALLY DON'T SEEM LIKE YOU DO. |
| 386 | THAT'S... |
| 387 | ( grunts ) |
| 388 | ( yells ) |
| 389 | FORGET IT! |
| 390 | ( groans loudly ) |
| 391 | THIS IS... FOR... |
| 392 | THIS IS NOT HOW THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN. |
| 393 | WHAT WAS SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN? |
| 394 | CAN YOU NOT LOOK AT ME WHEN I SAY THIS? |
| 395 | I THOUGHT THAT IF I COULD GET YOU HERE |
| 396 | I COULD SEDUCE YOU. |
| 397 | HUH. |
| 398 | ( groaning sigh ) |
| 399 | UH... I-I DON'T WEAR... SUITS TO WORK |
| 400 | AND I BOUGHT SIX OF THEM FROM YOU. |
| 401 | WELL, I'M SORRY. |
| 402 | I THOUGHT YOU NEEDED THEM. |
| 403 | NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. |
| 404 | MY POINT IS I KEPT COMING BACK |
| 405 | BECAUSE... I WANTED TO SEE YOU. |
| 406 | WHY? |
| 407 | BECAUSE I-I LIKE YOU. |
| 408 | YOU LIKE ME? |
| 409 | YEAH. |
| 410 | I MEAN, YOU'RE-YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL AND SMART AND SOPHISTICATED. |
| 411 | LOT OF THIS ISN'T, YOU KNOW, BASED ON TONIGHT. |
| 412 | BUT-BUT YOU LIKE ME? |
| 413 | OH, MY GOD, I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS. |
| 414 | ALL THIS TIME I LIKED YOU AND YOU LIKED ME. |
| 415 | BUT... |
| 416 | NO, NO. DON'T SAY "BUT." |
| 417 | NO, NO. BUT'S NEVER GOOD. |
| 418 | JUST LET'S LEAVE IT AT I LIKE YOU AND YOU LIKE ME. |
| 419 | OKAY. UH, HOWEVER... |
| 420 | NOW, SEE, THAT'S A FANCY "BUT." |
| 421 | MY MARRIAGE, LIKE, JUST ENDED |
| 422 | AND I'M REALLY NOT READY TO GET INTO ANYTHING YET. |
| 423 | BUT... |
| 424 | I'M SORRY. |
| 425 | I... I JUST NEED A LITTLE TIME. |
| 426 | OKAY. |
| 427 | OH, THERE YOU ARE. |
| 428 | I WAS LOOKING FOR YOU BEFORE. |
| 429 | JOSHUA'S GONE SO YOU AND EMILY ARE FREE TO GO. |
| 430 | IT'S OKAY. |
| 431 | SHE'S STILL IN THERE ENJOYING HER FAKE PARTY |
| 432 | AND, UH, IT'S TOO LATE |
| 433 | TO DO ANY OF THE STUFF I HAD PLANNED, SO... |
| 434 | OH, ROSS, I'M SORRY. |
| 435 | I COMPLETELY RUINED YOUR EVENING. |
| 436 | ( clears throat ) |
| 437 | YEAH. |
| 438 | WELL, IF IT MAKES YOU |
| 439 | FEEL ANY BETTER, I MADE A FOOL OF MYSELF. |
| 440 | HELPS A LITTLE. |
| 441 | IS THERE ROOM ON THAT STEP FOR A PATHETIC LOSER? |
| 442 | YEAH. HAVE A SEAT. |
| 443 | OH... |
| 444 | I'M SO SORRY. |
| 445 | IT'S OKAY. |
| 446 | I MEAN, IT WAS JUST A TWO-WEEK THING ANYWAY. |
| 447 | I JUST DIDN'T WANT IT TO END THIS WAY, YOU KNOW? |
| 448 | OR MAYBE YOU DIDN'T WANT IT TO END. |
| 449 | WHAT DO YOU MEAN? |
| 450 | YOU SEEM TO REALLY LIKE HER. |
| 451 | YEAH. I REALLY DO. |
| 452 | YEAH, BUT WHAT AM I GOING TO DO? |
| 453 | I MEAN, WE BOTH AGREED |
| 454 | IT WAS GOING TO BE A TWO-WEEK THING. |
| 455 | YOU KNOW, NO COMMITMENT. |
| 456 | ROSS, THAT GIRL JUST SPENT THE ENTIRE EVENING |
| 457 | TALKING TO YOUR FRIENDS |
| 458 | ASKING TO HEAR STORIES ABOUT YOU |
| 459 | LOOKING THROUGH MONICA'S PHOTO ALBUMS. |
| 460 | I MEAN, YOU DON'T DO THAT |
| 461 | IF YOU'RE JUST IN IT FOR TWO WEEKS. |
| 462 | YOU THINK? |
| 463 | LOOK, YOU'VE GOT, LIKE, 14 HOURS |
| 464 | UNTIL SHE HAS TO BE AT THE AIRPORT |
| 465 | AND YOU'RE SITTING HERE IN A HALLWAY WITH A... |
| 466 | 28-YEAR-OLD CHEERLEADER WITH A FAT LIP. |
| 467 | ( chuckles ) |
| 468 | YEAH. YOU'RE RIGHT. |
| 469 | YEAH. |
| 470 | THANKS. |
| 471 | WHAT PHOTO ALBUM WAS IT? |
| 472 | I DON'T KNOW. |
| 473 | IT WAS YOU AND A BUNCH OF ALBINO KIDS. |
| 474 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 475 | THOSE WEREN'T ALBINO KIDS. |
| 476 | THAT WAS COMPUTER CAMP. |
| 477 | RACH. |
| 478 | HEY. |
| 479 | HEY. |
| 480 | YOU'RE A PATHETIC LOSER, RIGHT? |
| 481 | ( laughing ): OH, YEAH. |
| 482 | SIT. |
| 483 | HI. |
| 484 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 485 | JOSHUA. |
| 486 | LOOK... |
| 487 | ALL THOSE THINGS I SAID ABOUT NOT BEING READY... |
| 488 | THEY'RE NOT TRUE. |
| 489 | NO. THEY'RE-THEY'RE ALL TRUE. |
| 490 | OH. |
| 491 | BUT... |
| 492 | OH. |
| 493 | OH, I LOVE THAT "BUT." |
| 494 | UM, DO YOU WANT TO GO INSIDE AND GET SOME COFFEE? |
| 495 | YEAH. |
| 496 | OKAY. |
| 497 | EVERY TIME. |
| 498 | WHAT DO YOU GOT? |
| 499 | PASTRAMI. |
| 500 | YEAH. |
| 501 | HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT GOES GOOD WITH THAT? |
| 502 | MM-HMM. CORNED BEEF. |
| 503 | OOH, I WAS GOING TO SAY BOLOGNA |
| 504 | BUT THAT'S MUCH BETTER. |
| 505 | HEY, HOW ABOUT A LITTLE OF THAT SMOKED TURKEY? |
| 506 | OKAY. |
| 507 | ( laughing ) |
| 508 | OH, MAMA. |
| 509 | HOW... WHEN-WHEN IS THE BABY DUE? |
| 510 | SIX MONTHS. |
| 511 | OH... HEY, NOW |
| 512 | IF A COW SHOULD DIE OF NATURAL CAUSES |
| 513 | I CAN HAVE ONE OF THOSE, RIGHT? |
| 514 | NOT IF I GET THERE FIRST. |
| 515 | [Captioned by The Caption Center WGBH Educational Foundation] |
| 516 | |
| 1 | Treeger: OH, MAN! |
| 2 | WHAT IS THAT? |
| 3 | TREEGER'S SNAKING THE SHOWER DRAIN. |
| 4 | OH. |
| 5 | Treeger: WHAT IN THE NAME |
| 6 | OF HELL...?! |
| 7 | HEY, MAYBE HE FOUND YOUR FLIP-FLOP. |
| 8 | HEY... |
| 9 | WHOA. |
| 10 | IS THIS PORN? |
| 11 | WHAT DID I DO? |
| 12 | I MUST'VE HIT SOMETHING ON THE REMOTE. |
| 13 | DO WE PAY FOR THIS? |
| 14 | NO, WE DIDN'T EVEN PAY OUR CABLE BILL. |
| 15 | MAYBE THIS IS HOW THEY PUNISH US. |
| 16 | MAYBE WE SHOULDN'T PAY OUR PHONE BILL. |
| 17 | FREE PHONE SEX. |
| 18 | MAYBE WE SHOULDN'T PAY OUR GAS BILL. |
| 19 | WHOA, HEY, THAT LADY'S ALL KINDS OF NAKED. |
| 20 | YEAH, JOEY JUST PRESSED SOMETHING ON THE REMOTE |
| 21 | AND IT JUST... CAME ON. |
| 22 | HEY, THAT HAPPENED TO ME ONCE. |
| 23 | I WAS JUST FLIPPING THROUGH THE CHANNELS, AND BAM! |
| 24 | IT WAS LIKE FINDING MONEY. |
| 25 | LIKE FINDING MONEY WITH NAKED PEOPLE ON IT. |
| 26 | THEN I MADE THE MISTAKE OF TURNING OFF THE TV. |
| 27 | I NEVER GOT IT BACK AGAIN. |
| 28 | AND I'M SAD. |
| 29 | WHY WOULD HE TURN OFF THE TV? |
| 30 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 31 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 32 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 33 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 34 | ♪ WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY ♪ |
| 35 | ♪ YOUR WEEK, YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 36 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 37 | ♪ WHEN THE RAIN STARTS TO POUR ♪ |
| 38 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 39 | ♪ LIKE I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE ♪ |
| 40 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 41 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME, TOO. ♪ |
| 42 | ( slow, sensuous music playing) |
| 43 | ALL RIGHT, YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 44 | COME ON, DO WE REALLY HAVE TO WATCH THIS WHILE WE EAT? |
| 45 | NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! |
| 46 | WE DON'T KNOW WHAT COULD MAKE THIS GO AWAY. |
| 47 | YEAH, SO NO ONE TOUCHES THE REMOTE |
| 48 | AND NO ONE TOUCHES THE TV. |
| 49 | AND NO ONE TOUCHES THE AIR... AROUND THE TV. |
| 50 | IMAGINE A PROTECTIVE PORN BUBBLE, IF YOU WILL. |
| 51 | OKAY? |
| 52 | I'M AT LEAST GOING TO MUTE IT. |
| 53 | NO-NO-NO! NO-NO-NO! |
| 54 | ( music stops ) |
| 55 | WE STILL HAVE PORN. YEAH. |
| 56 | HI. HEY. |
| 57 | HONEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? |
| 58 | THAT'S TOO HEAVY. |
| 59 | COME HERE. |
| 60 | THANKS. |
| 61 | OH, GOD... |
| 62 | OKAY. |
| 63 | OH, HONEY... |
| 64 | I'M GETTING TOO PREGNANT FOR THIS... |
| 65 | LUGGING AROUND A STUPID MASSAGE TABLE. |
| 66 | I HAVE TO FIND A JOB WHERE I CARRY A SMALLER TABLE. |
| 67 | OR A JOB |
| 68 | WHERE YOU DON'T HAVE TO CARRY A TABLE. |
| 69 | YOU MEAN |
| 70 | LIKE A DOCTOR? |
| 71 | PHEEBS, YOU'RE BLOCKING THE PORN. |
| 72 | LOOK OUT. |
| 73 | OHH. |
| 74 | OH, MY. |
| 75 | OH, THAT REMINDS ME-- I HAVE TO SEE MY OB-GYN TODAY. |
| 76 | HI. |
| 77 | HI. |
| 78 | SO, UH, EMILY JUST WENT TO THE AIRPORT. |
| 79 | OH. WHY DIDN'T YOU TAKE HER? |
| 80 | HER UNCLE HAD ALREADY PLANNED ON DOING IT |
| 81 | AND, YOU KNOW, WE SAID OUR GOOD-BYES THIS MORNING, SO... |
| 82 | YOU MUST FEEL HORRIBLE. |
| 83 | HEY, THE GUYS HAVE FREE PORN. |
| 84 | NO... |
| 85 | HEY, CHEER UP. |
| 86 | YOU'RE GOING TO SEE HER AGAIN, RIGHT? |
| 87 | WELL, I... THAT'S THE THING. |
| 88 | I DON'T KNOW. |
| 89 | WHEN I BROUGHT IT UP, SHE SAID "THIS IS SO FANTASTIC. |
| 90 | "WHY DO WE HAVE TO TALK ABOUT THE FUTURE? |
| 91 | LET'S JUST ENJOY..." |
| 92 | NO, YOU... D-DON'T DO THE ACCENT. |
| 93 | HEY, YOU'VE GOT TO SEE HER AGAIN. |
| 94 | WHY DO YOU CARE SO MUCH? |
| 95 | BECAUSE... |
| 96 | YOU COULD GET TO LIVE OUT MY FANTASY. |
| 97 | YOU'VE HAD FANTASIES ABOUT EMILY? |
| 98 | NO. YOU KNOW. |
| 99 | THE FANTASY. |
| 100 | MEET SOMEONE FROM A STRANGE LAND, FALL IN LOVE |
| 101 | AND SPEND THE REST OF YOUR LIVES TOGETHER. |
| 102 | IS THAT WHY IN JUNIOR HIGH YOU WERE THE ONLY ONE |
| 103 | WHO HUNG OUT WITH THAT UKRAINIAN KID? |
| 104 | YEAH, THAT, BUT... |
| 105 | PLUS HIS MOM USED TO PUT SOUR CREAM ON EVERYTHING. |
| 106 | AH... |
| 107 | DO YOU LOVE HER? |
| 108 | WE SAID IT WAS ONLY GOING TO BE TWO WEEKS, YOU KNOW? |
| 109 | YOU LOVE HER. |
| 110 | WHA-WHAT IS LOVE, REALLY? |
| 111 | OH... |
| 112 | I KNEW YOU LOVED HER. |
| 113 | YOU NEED TO GO TO THE AIRPORT AND TELL HER. |
| 114 | YOU'LL PROBABLY CATCH HER |
| 115 | JUST AS SHE'S ABOUT TO GO TO THE GATE. |
| 116 | YOU'RE GOING TO CALL OUT HER NAME, AND YELL |
| 117 | "I LOVE YOU," AND SHE'S GOING TO SAY "I LOVE YOU, TOO" |
| 118 | AND THEN YOU GUYS ARE GOING TO HAVE |
| 119 | THE MOST AMAZING KISS |
| 120 | AND EVERYONE AT THE GATE WILL APPLAUD. |
| 121 | I AM A GOOD KISSER. |
| 122 | WELL, THEN YOU TWO CAN... |
| 123 | CAN SNEAK INTO THE COCKPIT... |
| 124 | AND THINGS'LL START TO HEAT UP... |
| 125 | ( panting ) |
| 126 | AND THEN A STEWARDESS COMES IN... |
| 127 | I'VE BEEN WATCHING TOO MUCH PORN. |
| 128 | ( rhythmic whooshing ) |
| 129 | ( gasps ) |
| 130 | IS THAT THE HEARTBEAT? THAT'S IT. |
| 131 | OH, MY GOD! |
| 132 | OH, WOW, THIS IS SO COOL. |
| 133 | HAVE WE TALKED ABOUT THE POSSIBILITY |
| 134 | OF MULTIPLE BIRTHS? |
| 135 | WELL, WHY DON'T WE JUST TAKE CARE OF THIS ONE |
| 136 | AND SHOULD I GET PREGNANT AGAIN, I'LL HOLD ON TO YOUR CARD, OKAY? |
| 137 | NO. |
| 138 | I'M GETTING THREE SEPARATE HEARTBEATS. |
| 139 | THREE? YOU GUYS WERE WORRIED I WOULDN'T EVEN HAVE ONE. |
| 140 | DOCTORS ARE WRONG ALL THE TIME. |
| 141 | WELL... |
| 142 | WELL, SO ARE YOU SURE THAT THERE ARE THREE? |
| 143 | DEFINITELY. |
| 144 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 145 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 146 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 147 | SO... SO IN A FEW MONTHS |
| 148 | I'M GOING TO HAVE THREE FULL-GROWN BABIES |
| 149 | JUST WALKING AROUND INSIDE ME? |
| 150 | OH, OH! AND IT'S GOING TO BE LIKE ONE OF THOSE LOG RIDES |
| 151 | WHEN THEY JUST COME SHOOTING OUT. |
| 152 | GIVING BIRTH TO THREE BABIES |
| 153 | IS NOT THAT DIFFERENT THAN GIVING BIRTH TO ONE. |
| 154 | WHAT DO YOU KNOW? |
| 155 | OH, OH... PHOEBE. |
| 156 | OH! HI. |
| 157 | HI! |
| 158 | SO, HOW'D IT GO AT THE DOCTOR'S? |
| 159 | OH, WELL, OKAY. |
| 160 | HEY, YOU KNOW HOW WHEN YOU'RE |
| 161 | UM, YOU'RE WALKING DOWN THE STREET |
| 162 | AND YOU SEE THREE PEOPLE IN A ROW |
| 163 | AND YOU SAY, "OH, THAT'S NICE"? |
| 164 | YES! OKAY. |
| 165 | YEAH, WELL |
| 166 | GOOD NEWS-- YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE THREE BABIES. AH! |
| 167 | ( laughing ) |
| 168 | THREE BABIES? |
| 169 | UH-HUH. |
| 170 | ( laughing ) |
| 171 | OH... I FINALLY GOT MY BAND! |
| 172 | OH, OH... ( laughing ) |
| 173 | WE'RE GOING TO HAVE A BIG FAMILY. |
| 174 | I ALWAYS WANTED A BIG FAMILY! |
| 175 | OH, GOD |
| 176 | I'M SO GLAD YOU GUYS ARE HAPPY. |
| 177 | I WAS SO AFRAID YOU WERE GOING TO BE ALL FREAKED. |
| 178 | WHY WOULD WE BE FREAKED? |
| 179 | NO, 'CAUSE, YOU KNOW, MAYBE IT'S HARDER |
| 180 | TO RAISE THEM, AND THE ADDED EXPENSE AND, UGH! |
| 181 | OH. |
| 182 | RIGHT. |
| 183 | NO. BACK TO HAPPY. |
| 184 | BACK TO HAPPY! |
| 185 | NO, NO, NO, NO... |
| 186 | IT'S GOING TO BE FINE BECAUSE, UM... |
| 187 | BECAUSE I TEACH HOME EC |
| 188 | AND, UH, I CAN HAVE 30 KIDS |
| 189 | MAKING BABY CLOTHES ALL YEAR LONG. |
| 190 | YOU KNOW, IT'LL BE LIKE... |
| 191 | MY VERY OWN LITTLE SWEAT SHOP. |
| 192 | I BEEN THINKING EVER SINCE YOU SAID |
| 193 | THAT WE'RE GOING TO HAVE TRIPLETS... |
| 194 | THE BEST THING FOR ME TO DO IS |
| 195 | DROP OUT OF COLLEGE AND GET A JOB. |
| 196 | NO, FRANK. |
| 197 | NO, YOU CAN'T QUIT COLLEGE. NO. |
| 198 | YOU'RE IN COLLEGE, REALLY? |
| 199 | YEAH, REFRIGERATOR COLLEGE. |
| 200 | YEAH. |
| 201 | YEAH, YOU KNOW |
| 202 | WHEN WE FOUND OUT |
| 203 | WE WERE GOING TO HAVE A BABY, YOU KNOW |
| 204 | I FIGURED, YOU KNOW, LIKE, I SHOULD HAVE... |
| 205 | LIKE A CAREER, YOU KNOW |
| 206 | AND I LOVE REFRIGERATORS. |
| 207 | YOU CAN'T GIVE UP ON YOUR DREAM. |
| 208 | ( groans ) |
| 209 | NO, IT'S OKAY. |
| 210 | WE'RE GOING TO HAVE THREE KIDS |
| 211 | AND THAT'S A DIFFERENT KIND OF DREAM. |
| 212 | THREE KIDS AND NO MONEY. |
| 213 | ( woman over P.A. system): This is the boarding call |
| 214 | for flight 0-0-9. |
| 215 | Ross: EMILY... |
| 216 | OH, MY GOD, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? |
| 217 | I JUST... I HAD TO SEE YOU ONE MORE TIME |
| 218 | BEFORE YOU TOOK OFF. |
| 219 | YOU ARE SO SWEET. |
| 220 | THAT'S-THAT'S A BIG CANDY BAR. |
| 221 | I HAD THE MOST AMAZING TIME WITH YOU. |
| 222 | ME, TOO. |
| 223 | This is the final boarding call |
| 224 | for flight 0-0-9. |
| 225 | WELL, THAT'S ME. |
| 226 | HERE, HAVE THIS-- I'M ONLY ALLOWED |
| 227 | ONE PIECE OF CARRY-ON ANYWAY. |
| 228 | ( laughs ) |
| 229 | WAIT. |
| 230 | UH... LISTEN, I-I... |
| 231 | I HAVE TO TELL YOU SOMETHING. UM... |
| 232 | I'VE BEEN THINKING. |
| 233 | I'M JUST GOING TO COME OUT AND SAY IT, OKAY? |
| 234 | UH... I... I THINK... |
| 235 | I LOVE YOU. |
| 236 | OH. |
| 237 | THANK YOU. |
| 238 | IT'S NO PROBLEM. |
| 239 | ♪ BOW CHICKA BOW-WOW. ♪ |
| 240 | WHAT IS THAT SONG? |
| 241 | IT'S BEEN IN MY HEAD ALL DAY. |
| 242 | IT'S THE THEME FROM GOOD WILL HUMPING. |
| 243 | YOU KNOW WHO DOESN'T EVEN LIKE DIRTY MOVIES? |
| 244 | MY NEW BOYFRIEND, JOSHUA. |
| 245 | YEAH, RIGHT. |
| 246 | NO, HE TOLD ME |
| 247 | HE PREFERS TO LEAVE CERTAIN THINGS |
| 248 | TO THE IMAGINATION. |
| 249 | OH, OH, YEAH, AND DID HE ALSO SAY |
| 250 | THAT HE THOUGHT THAT SOME OF THE DIALOGUE WAS CORNY |
| 251 | AND THAT HE ACTUALLY FOUND IT FUNNY, NOT SEXY? |
| 252 | YES! |
| 253 | YEAH, HE LIKES PORN. |
| 254 | WHERE ARE YOU GOING? |
| 255 | I'M GOING TO FIND OUT IF HE REALLY THINKS |
| 256 | SUPERMODELS ARE TOO SKINNY. |
| 257 | HEY. HEY. |
| 258 | HI. |
| 259 | HOW'D IT GO WITH FRANK AND ALICE? |
| 260 | WELL, FRANK HAS TO QUIT COLLEGE |
| 261 | BECAUSE HIS SUPERFERTILE SISTER'S |
| 262 | HAVING THREE BABIES. UGH. |
| 263 | SO I NEED TO MAKE A LOT OF MONEY REALLY FAST |
| 264 | AND I HAD AN IDEA THAT I WANTED TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT |
| 265 | 'CAUSE YOU WORK FOR A BIG COMPANY. |
| 266 | OKAY. INSIDER TRADING. |
| 267 | WHAT INFORMATION IS THERE |
| 268 | THAT YOU CAN GIVE ME? |
| 269 | THEY DON'T REALLY TALK TO US ABOUT THAT STUFF. |
| 270 | I COULD GET YOU SOME FREE WITE-OUT, THOUGH. |
| 271 | DID YOU DO WHAT I SAID? |
| 272 | DID YOU TELL HER? I DID. |
| 273 | AND...? WHAT'D SHE SAY? |
| 274 | THANK YOU. |
| 275 | YOU'RE TOTALLY WELCOME. |
| 276 | WHAT'D SHE SAY? |
| 277 | SHE SAID, "THANK YOU." |
| 278 | I SAID, "I LOVE YOU" |
| 279 | AND SHE SAID... |
| 280 | "THANK YOU." |
| 281 | WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. |
| 282 | DID YOU SAY YOU LOVE HER? |
| 283 | YEAH, WHAT WERE YOU TRYING TO GET HER TO DO? |
| 284 | WHAT DO I DO NOW? |
| 285 | WELL, YOU PLAY HARD TO GET. |
| 286 | SHE ALREADY LIVES IN LONDON. |
| 287 | OH. SO YOU GO TO TOKYO. |
| 288 | ALL RIGHT, LOOK. FORGET IT. |
| 289 | OKAY? FORGET IT. |
| 290 | YOU TOLD HER YOU LOVE HER. IT'S OVER. |
| 291 | IT IS NOT OVER. |
| 292 | YOU'RE OVER. |
| 293 | WHAT? |
| 294 | YOU KNOW. |
| 295 | OKAY. |
| 296 | GOOD ONE. |
| 297 | IT IS NOT OVER BECAUSE SHE'S GOING TO CALL YOU |
| 298 | AND TELL YOU SHE LOVES YOU, AND THE REASON SHE COULDN'T |
| 299 | IS HER FEELINGS WERE SO STRONG IT SCARED HER. |
| 300 | GO HOME AND WAIT FOR HER CALL. |
| 301 | SHE COULD BE CALLING FROM THE PLANE. |
| 302 | COME ON, NOW. GO, GO. |
| 303 | OKAY, OKAY |
| 304 | BUT IF SHE DOESN'T CALL, IT IS DEFINITELY OVER. |
| 305 | NO, WAIT, WAIT-- UNLESS, EVENTUALLY |
| 306 | I CALL HER, YOU KNOW, TO-TO SEE WHAT'S GOING ON |
| 307 | AND-AND SHE SAYS, SHE'LL CALL ME BACK |
| 308 | BUT THEN SHE DOESN'T |
| 309 | THEN... IT'S OVER. |
| 310 | WAY TO BE STRONG, MAN. |
| 311 | HI. |
| 312 | HI. HEY. |
| 313 | CAN WE WATCH CARTOONS ON YOUR TELEVISION? |
| 314 | WE NEED A PORN BREAK. |
| 315 | WE SPENT THE LAST TWO HOURS |
| 316 | WATCHING IN AND OUT AND IN AGAIN. |
| 317 | WELL, SO, WHY DON'T YOU JUST TURN IT OFF? |
| 318 | BECAUSE THEN WE'D BE THE GUYS |
| 319 | WHO TURNED OFF FREE PORN. |
| 320 | OH! GOOD. YOU'RE HERE. |
| 321 | HI. HEY, HI. |
| 322 | WHAT YOU GOT THERE? |
| 323 | OH, THIS? |
| 324 | WELL, I'M GLAD YOU ASKED. |
| 325 | NOW, DON'T YOU HATE IT |
| 326 | WHEN YOU HAVE TO CUT A TIN CAN |
| 327 | WITH AN ORDINARY STEAK KNIFE? |
| 328 | HA. |
| 329 | NOW, I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING. |
| 330 | PREGNANT WOMAN SLAYS FOUR? |
| 331 | Monica: PHOEBE, THEY DIDN'T |
| 332 | MAKE YOU PAY FOR THOSE KNIFES, DID THEY? |
| 333 | NO. |
| 334 | ARE YOU SURE? |
| 335 | NO. |
| 336 | HONEY, YOU WON'T MAKE |
| 337 | ENOUGH MONEY TO HELP FRANK AND ALICE |
| 338 | JUST BY SELLING KNIVES. |
| 339 | NO, NO. I KNOW THAT. |
| 340 | I JUST NEED TO MAKE ENOUGH FOR THE SECOND PART OF MY PLAN. |
| 341 | WHAT'S THE SECOND PART? |
| 342 | MY SATURN DEALERSHIP. |
| 343 | ( phone ringing ) |
| 344 | HELLO? |
| 345 | ROSS. |
| 346 | EMILY, HI. |
| 347 | UH... |
| 348 | HOW WAS, HOW WAS YOUR FLIGHT? |
| 349 | It was dreadful. |
| 350 | I FELT TERRIBLE ABOUT HOW I ACTED |
| 351 | WHEN YOU SAID THOSE WONDERFUL THINGS. |
| 352 | NO, NO. TH-THAT'S-THAT'S ALL RIGHT. |
| 353 | UM... I'M JUST GLAD YOU CALLED. |
| 354 | Ross, um... |
| 355 | there's something that I-I've got to tell you. |
| 356 | UH, THERE'S-THERE'S SOMEONE ELSE. |
| 357 | DOES THAT MEAN THE SAME THING IN ENGLAND |
| 358 | AS IT DOES IN AMERICA? |
| 359 | SHE DOESN'T KNOW WHICH ONE OF US SHE WANTS-- |
| 360 | ME OR THIS COLIN GUY. |
| 361 | THIS ISN'T HOW |
| 362 | IT WAS SUPPOSED TO GO. |
| 363 | THERE CAN'T BE ANOTHER GUY. |
| 364 | WELL. |
| 365 | OF COURSE, THERE'S ANOTHER GUY! |
| 366 | THIS IS EVEN MORE PERFECT. |
| 367 | NOW YOU HAVE TO PROVE YOUR LOVE. |
| 368 | I'M NOT PROVING ANYTHING. |
| 369 | OKAY? I'M DONE LISTENING TO YOU. |
| 370 | IF I HADN'T LET YOU TALK ME INTO GOING |
| 371 | TO THE AIRPORT IN THE FIRST PLACE |
| 372 | I NEVER WOULD HAVE PUT MY FIST THROUGH THE WALL. |
| 373 | YOU PUT YOUR FIST THROUGH THE WALL? |
| 374 | NO, I MISSED AND HIT THE DOOR... |
| 375 | BUT IT OPENED REALLY HARD. |
| 376 | YOU HAVE TO GO TO LONDON. |
| 377 | WHAT? |
| 378 | YEAH, YOU HAVE TO GO FIGHT FOR HER. |
| 379 | OH, YEAH, THAT MAKES SENSE. |
| 380 | YOU ALREADY TOLD HER YOU LOVED HER |
| 381 | AND SHE DIDN'T SAY IT BACK. |
| 382 | THEN SHE CALLED AND TOLD YOU THERE WAS ANOTHER GUY |
| 383 | SO, YEAH, GO TO LONDON; THAT'LL SCARE HER. |
| 384 | WHEN RACHEL WAS WITH PAOLO, WHAT DID YOU DO? |
| 385 | I MADE FUN OF HIS ACCENT. |
| 386 | YOU SAT BACK AND LET HIM HAVE HER. |
| 387 | YOU DIDN'T FIGHT AT ALL; AM I RIGHT? |
| 388 | WANT THE SAME THING TO HAPPEN? |
| 389 | NO. |
| 390 | ALL RIGHT, THEN. |
| 391 | GO FIGHT FOR HER. |
| 392 | GO TO LONDON. |
| 393 | I MEAN, THAT COULD BE YOU AND EMILY. |
| 394 | THAT, BUT-BUT NICER. |
| 395 | I MEAN, JUST GO TO LONDON. |
| 396 | REALLY? |
| 397 | COME ON, SURPRISE HER. |
| 398 | SHOW UP AT HER DOORSTEP. |
| 399 | DON'T LET HER GO WITHOUT A FIGHT. |
| 400 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 401 | ALL RIGHT, I'M GOING TO DO IT. |
| 402 | I'M GOING TO... I'M GOING TO GO TO LONDON |
| 403 | AND I AM GOING TO FIGHT FOR HER. |
| 404 | OKAY. GOOD LUCK. |
| 405 | ROSS. ROSS! |
| 406 | IF YOU'RE GOING TO THE AIRPORT |
| 407 | CAN YOU PICK ME UP ANOTHER ONE OF THOSE TOBLERONE BARS? |
| 408 | OH, OH! I DID IT. I DID IT. |
| 409 | I FIGURED OUT A WAY TO MAKE MONEY. |
| 410 | I'M GOING TO OPEN UP MY OWN MASSAGE PLACE |
| 411 | AND FRANK'S GOING TO HELP ME |
| 412 | AND WE CAN WORK IT AROUND HIS SCHEDULE |
| 413 | SO HE DOESN'T HAVE TO QUIT SCHOOL. |
| 414 | ♪ LA-LA LA-LA! ♪ |
| 415 | THAT SOUNDS GREAT, BUT HOW ARE YOU GOING TO AFFORD IT? |
| 416 | WE WERE WALKING DOWN THE STREET |
| 417 | AND SAW THAT VAN YOU USED FOR CATERING |
| 418 | AND WE REALIZED THAT... |
| 419 | I'M TELLING IT! |
| 420 | OKAY. |
| 421 | OKAY, YOU KNOW HOW PEOPLE NEED TRANSPORTATION |
| 422 | BUT THEY ALSO NEED MASSAGES TO RELAX. |
| 423 | SO I JUST FIGURED WE CAN COMBINE THE TWO. |
| 424 | OKAY? I GIVE THE MASSAGES AND FRANK DRIVES. |
| 425 | I CAN FIX UP THE VAN |
| 426 | BOLT A TABLE IN BACK AND YOU KNOW WHAT I'VE GOT? |
| 427 | A PLACE THAT NO ONE WILL EVER GET OUT OF ALIVE? |
| 428 | WELL, NO. |
| 429 | THINK ABOUT IT. |
| 430 | IT'S A TAXI THAT PEOPLE TAKE WHEN THEY NEED TO RELAX. |
| 431 | IT'S A RELAXI TAXI. |
| 432 | THE NAME WAS MY FAVORITE PART! |
| 433 | WELL-WELL, I CAME UP WITH IT. |
| 434 | YOU DID NOT! |
| 435 | OH! WHAT?! |
| 436 | NO! |
| 437 | YOU CAME UP WITH "RELAXI CAB." |
| 438 | THAT'S NOT GOOD. |
| 439 | WELL... |
| 440 | ( phone ringing ) |
| 441 | HELLO. |
| 442 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 443 | ROSS, ARE YOU IN ENGLAND? |
| 444 | WAS EMILY SURPRISED? |
| 445 | NO, 'CAUSE SHE HASN'T COME HOME YET. |
| 446 | SHE HASN'T BEEN HOME ALL NIGHT. |
| 447 | SHE'S OBVIOUSLY STAYING WITH THAT OTHER GUY |
| 448 | AND I'M THE STUPID MORON |
| 449 | WHO SPENT THE WHOLE NIGHT OUTSIDE HER APARTMENT. |
| 450 | ALL RIGHT, WHEN IS THE NEXT FLIGHT OUT? |
| 451 | ABOUT FOUR HOURS. |
| 452 | Stay a couple more hours |
| 453 | and if she doesn't show up by then, just come home. |
| 454 | HEY, TELL HIM ABOUT RELAXI TAXI |
| 455 | AND ASK HIM IF HE THINKS THAT'S BETTER THAN RELAXI CAB. |
| 456 | OKAY, IT'S NOT RELAXI CAB. |
| 457 | IT'S RELAXICAB-- LIKE TAXICAB. |
| 458 | OH, THAT IS BETTER. |
| 459 | ( knock at door ) |
| 460 | ARE WE IN LONDON? |
| 461 | WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? |
| 462 | YOU CAN'T BE HERE. |
| 463 | I'VE, UH... I'VE COME TO TALK TO ROSS. |
| 464 | ( gasps ) |
| 465 | ( moans ) |
| 466 | WHAT? |
| 467 | NOTHING. NO, NOTHING. |
| 468 | UM, I WAS GOING TO CALL HIM, BUT... |
| 469 | HA! YOU CAME TO TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM. |
| 470 | I KNEW IT! |
| 471 | I WAS RIGHT! |
| 472 | I'M RIGHT, RIGHT? |
| 473 | I'D REALLY RATHER TALK TO HIM. |
| 474 | I, UH... I'VE BEEN TO HIS APARTMENT |
| 475 | AND HE'S NOT THERE AND, UH, I NEED TO TALK TO HIM, SO... |
| 476 | DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHERE HE IS? |
| 477 | ( phone ringing ) |
| 478 | Emily: Ross, are you there? |
| 479 | YES. |
| 480 | I don't know if you can hear this |
| 481 | but I'm going to talk anyway. |
| 482 | I'M IN THE STATES |
| 483 | WITH YOUR SISTER AND YOUR FRIENDS |
| 484 | AND... IT'S ALL OVER WITH COLIN. |
| 485 | I came here to tell you that and to tell you-- |
| 486 | What? |
| 487 | Yes, Joey, you can have all the chocolate you want. |
| 488 | Just take it. |
| 489 | UM... |
| 490 | I CAME HERE TO TELL YOU... |
| 491 | THAT I LOVE YOU. |
| 492 | I LOVE YOU, TOO! |
| 493 | I'M-I'M GOING TO CALL YOU RIGHT NOW |
| 494 | FROM THE PHONE BOOTH. |
| 495 | YOU CAN'T HEAR ME... |
| 496 | I WISH I COULD KNOW IF YOU'D HEARD THAT. |
| 497 | I'VE EITHER TOLD YOU I LOVE YOU |
| 498 | OR GIVEN MY NEIGHBORS A GOOD LAUGH. |
| 499 | MRS. NEWMAN, IF YOU'RE LISTENING, BUGGER OFF. |
| 500 | THIS IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. |
| 501 | I SUPPOSE THERE'S NOT MUCH CHANCE |
| 502 | YOU DID HEAR THAT AND... |
| 503 | THERE'S THE CALL WAITING, SO... |
| 504 | I SHOULD GO. |
| 505 | OH, WELL. |
| 506 | HELLO? |
| 507 | Ross: Hi. |
| 508 | ROSS, I LOVE YOU. |
| 509 | ( sighs: ) OH... |
| 510 | THANK YOU. |
| 511 | HEY. |
| 512 | HEY. |
| 513 | I WAS JUST AT THE BANK |
| 514 | AND THERE WAS THIS REALLY HOT TELLER |
| 515 | AND SHE DIDN'T ASK ME TO GO DO IT WITH HER IN THE VAULT. |
| 516 | SAME KIND OF THING HAPPENED TO ME. |
| 517 | WOMAN PIZZA DELIVERY GUY COMES OVER |
| 518 | GIVES ME THE PIZZA, TAKES THE MONEY AND LEAVES. |
| 519 | WHAT? NO, LIKE, "NICE APARTMENT. |
| 520 | BET THE BEDROOMS ARE HUGE"? |
| 521 | NO. NOTHING. |
| 522 | YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 523 | WE HAVE TO TURN OFF THE PORN. |
| 524 | I THINK YOU'RE RIGHT. |
| 525 | ALL RIGHT. READY? |
| 526 | ONE... |
| 527 | TWO... |
| 528 | THREE. THREE. |
| 529 | [Captioned by The Caption Center WGBH Educational Foundation] |
| 530 | THAT'S KIND OF NICE. |
| 531 | YEAH, IT'S KIND OF A RELIEF. |
| 532 | YEAH. |
| 533 | YOU WANT TO SEE IF WE STILL HAVE IT? |
| 534 | YEAH. |
| 535 | FREE PORN! WE HAVE FREE PORN! |
| 536 | YEAH! YES! |
| 537 | |
| 1 | HEY! |
| 2 | HEY. WOW, IT IS TRUE WHAT THEY SAY: |
| 3 | PREGNANT BELLIES LOOK LIKE A DRUM. |
| 4 | HA, HA. |
| 5 | NO, IT'S JUST, I'M SO PREGNANT |
| 6 | THAT MY GUITAR DOESN'T FIT ANYMORE |
| 7 | SO I THOUGHT, TILL I'M NOT |
| 8 | I'M JUST GOING TO PLAY ALL MY SONGS |
| 9 | ON THIS DRUM. |
| 10 | IT SOUNDS REALLY COOL. |
| 11 | OH, YEAH? |
| 12 | LISTEN, LISTEN. |
| 13 | OKAY. |
| 14 | ♪ SMELLY CAT, SMELLY CAT ♪ |
| 15 | ♪ WHAT ARE THEY FEEDING YOU? ♪ |
| 16 | ( giggles ) |
| 17 | WOW, PHEEBS, THAT SOUNDS GREAT. |
| 18 | I KNOW, I KNOW! AND I'VE ONLY BEEN PLAYING |
| 19 | FOR, LIKE, AN HOUR. |
| 20 | HUH. |
| 21 | PHOEBE. PHOEBE, HI. |
| 22 | HI. HI. HEY. |
| 23 | WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? |
| 24 | ACTUALLY, I CAME DOWN |
| 25 | TO ASK YOU A BIG FAVOR. |
| 26 | OH. WELL, DON'T TELL ME |
| 27 | YOU WANT TO KEEP MORE OF YOUR STUFF |
| 28 | IN MY UTERUS. |
| 29 | ( laughs ) |
| 30 | NO, NO, NO. |
| 31 | OH. |
| 32 | OKAY, NOW, SEE... |
| 33 | I WANT TO NAME THE GIRL BABY "LESLIE" |
| 34 | AND, UM, FRANK WANTS |
| 35 | TO NAME ONE OF THE BOY BABIES... |
| 36 | "FRANK, JR., JR." |
| 37 | WOULDN'T THAT BE "FRANK THE THIRD"? |
| 38 | DON'T GET ME STARTED. |
| 39 | ANYWAY, UM, SINCE THERE ARE THREE BABIES |
| 40 | AND, UM, WE BOTH GOT TO PUT OUR NAMES IN |
| 41 | WE WOULD BE TRULY HONORED |
| 42 | IF YOU WOULD NAME THE OTHER BOY BABY. |
| 43 | OH, WOW! |
| 44 | THAT'S SO NICE. |
| 45 | OH! OH! "COUGAR." |
| 46 | YOU THINK ABOUT IT. |
| 47 | YEAH. |
| 48 | YEAH. |
| 49 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 50 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 51 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 52 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 53 | ♪ WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY ♪ |
| 54 | ♪ YOUR WEEK, YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 55 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 56 | ♪ WHEN THE RAIN STARTS TO POUR ♪ |
| 57 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 58 | ♪ LIKE I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE ♪ |
| 59 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 60 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME, TOO. ♪ |
| 61 | I LEFT A BRA DRYING ON THE SHOWER ROD. |
| 62 | YOU DON'T THINK YOUR SON WILL THINK IT'S YOURS |
| 63 | AND BE HORRIBLY TRAUMATIZED? |
| 64 | HEY, MOMMY CAN HAVE A WIFE |
| 65 | DADDY CAN HAVE A BRA. |
| 66 | ( both chuckle ) |
| 67 | OH, IT'S TIME TO GO. OH, NO, NO, NO. |
| 68 | SEE, THAT-THAT CLOCK'S A LITTLE FAST. |
| 69 | UH, WE... WE STILL HAVE 17 MINUTES. |
| 70 | HUH. WHAT CAN WE DO IN 17 MINUTES... TWICE? |
| 71 | WOW, THAT'S AMBITIOUS. |
| 72 | MMM... |
| 73 | ( knock at door ) |
| 74 | OKAY, YOU CAN IGNORE THAT. IT'S... |
| 75 | THAT'S CAROL WITH YOUR SON. |
| 76 | UH, BELIEVE ME |
| 77 | WHEN HE'S OLDER, HE'LL UNDERSTAND. |
| 78 | Carol: ROSS? |
| 79 | I'LL BE RIGHT THERE. |
| 80 | ( groans ) |
| 81 | HELLO! HI. |
| 82 | HELLO. HELLO. |
| 83 | HI. HEY. |
| 84 | EMILY, THIS IS CAROL AND SUSAN. |
| 85 | IT'S SO NICE TO FINALLY MEET YOU. |
| 86 | YOU, TOO. |
| 87 | SUSAN'S SHOOTING A COMMERCIAL |
| 88 | IN LONDON NEXT WEEK. |
| 89 | YEAH. I'M SO EXCITED. |
| 90 | I'VE NEVER BEEN THERE. |
| 91 | I'LL SHOW YOU AROUND. |
| 92 | THAT'D BE GREAT. |
| 93 | ALSO, I WAS HOPING TO CATCH A SHOW. |
| 94 | SO, IF YOU CAN MAKE ANY SUGGESTIONS... |
| 95 | THERE'S TONS OF TERRIFIC STUFF. |
| 96 | I'LL GO WITH YOU. |
| 97 | AH. |
| 98 | OH, I'M SORRY. |
| 99 | OH, WOW. |
| 100 | OH, LOOK AT YOU TWO, BONDING |
| 101 | MAKING US LATE FOR THE AIRPORT, SO... |
| 102 | ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? |
| 103 | HE'S FINE. HE'S FINE. |
| 104 | IT'S JUST US GETTING ALONG |
| 105 | IS DIFFICULT FOR HIM |
| 106 | BECAUSE HE DOESN'T LIKE ME. |
| 107 | WHAT... OH... |
| 108 | COME ON, THAT'S, THAT'S... IT'S TRUE. |
| 109 | HI. Joey: HEY. |
| 110 | HEY, DO WE HAVE A BABY NAME YET? |
| 111 | OH, NO. IT'S SO HARD. |
| 112 | I WENT THROUGH THIS WHOLE BOOK AND FOUND NOTHING. |
| 113 | I WANT A NAME THAT'S REALLY, LIKE, YOU KNOW |
| 114 | STRONG AND CONFIDENT, YOU KNOW, LIKE-LIKE "EXXON." |
| 115 | WELL, IT CERTAINLY WORKED |
| 116 | FOR THAT VALDEZ KID. |
| 117 | OH, OH! PHEEBS, YOU WANT A STRONG NAME? |
| 118 | HOW ABOUT "THE HULK"? |
| 119 | I DON'T KNOW. |
| 120 | I'M-I'M NOT SURE ABOUT "HULK" |
| 121 | BUT I LIKE THE IDEA OF A NAME STARTING WITH "THE." |
| 122 | OH, YOU WANT A GOOD NAME? |
| 123 | GO WITH "JOEY." |
| 124 | JOEY IS YOUR PAL. JOEY IS YOUR BUDDY. |
| 125 | "WHERE IS EVERYBODY?" |
| 126 | "WELL, THEY'RE HANGING OUT WITH JOEY." |
| 127 | IF YOU'RE GOING TO DO THAT |
| 128 | IF YOU'RE GOING TO NAME HIM "JOEY" |
| 129 | YOU SHOULD NAME HIM "CHANDLER." |
| 130 | OH, COME ON-- CHANDLER'S FUNNY |
| 131 | HE'S SOPHISTICATED, AND HE'S VERY LOVABLE |
| 132 | ONCE YOU GET TO KNOW HIM. |
| 133 | OH, WELL, HEY |
| 134 | JOEY'S LOVABLE, TOO |
| 135 | BUT THE THING ABOUT JOEY IS |
| 136 | IF YOU NEED HIM, HE'LL BE THERE. |
| 137 | WELL, CHANDLER WILL BE THERE FOR YOU, TOO. |
| 138 | I MEAN, HE MIGHT BE A LITTLE LATE, BUT... |
| 139 | BUT HE'LL BE THERE |
| 140 | AND HE'LL BRING YOU SOME COLD SODA |
| 141 | IF WHAT YOU NEED HIM FOR IS THAT YOU'RE REALLY HOT. |
| 142 | HEY, WHAT DO YOU SAY? |
| 143 | WHAT DO YOU SAY? |
| 144 | WELL, I... I LIKE THE IDEA |
| 145 | OF NAMING HIM AFTER SOMEONE I LOVE |
| 146 | AND "JOEY" AND "CHANDLER" ARE BOTH GREAT NAMES... |
| 147 | BUT... ALL RIGHT, I DON'T... |
| 148 | MAYBE I WILL JUST NAME HIM "THE HULK." |
| 149 | I KNEW I SHOULDN'T HAVE MENTIONED IT. |
| 150 | THAT'S WHAT I WANTED TO NAME MY KID. |
| 151 | Rachel: IF YOU WERE HOPING TO SLEEP WITH JOSHUA |
| 152 | FOR THE FIRST TIME TONIGHT |
| 153 | WHICH ONE OF THESE WOULD YOU WANT TO BE WEARING? |
| 154 | YOU KNOW WHAT? IT REALLY CREEPS ME OUT |
| 155 | CHOOSING OTHER PEOPLE'S SEX CLOTHES. |
| 156 | OH. I'M SORRY. |
| 157 | I'M JUST SO EXCITED. |
| 158 | I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS FOR MONTHS. |
| 159 | GOT MY HAIR COLORED. |
| 160 | GOT NEW SHEETS. |
| 161 | MAKING HIM A VERY FANCY MEAL. |
| 162 | MM-HMM... |
| 163 | WHAT AM I MAKING HIM, BY THE WAY? |
| 164 | WELL, YOU'RE MAKING HIM A FRISEE SALAD |
| 165 | WITH GOAT CHEESE AND PINE NUTS |
| 166 | WILD RICE, ROASTED ASPARAGUS |
| 167 | AND SALMON EN CROUTE. |
| 168 | I THOUGHT I WAS MAKING HIM FILET MIGNON. |
| 169 | YEAH, YOU WERE, BUT THEN YOU DECIDED TO MAKE SALMON |
| 170 | BECAUSE YOU HAD SOME LEFTOVER AT THE RESTAURANT |
| 171 | AND THEN YOU REALIZED IF YOU BITCHED ABOUT IT |
| 172 | THEN YOU WOULD STOP COOKING |
| 173 | AND YOU WOULD HAVE TO MAKE YOUR FAMOUS BAKED POTATO |
| 174 | AND DIET COKE. |
| 175 | WOW, I REALLY GET CRABBY WHEN I COOK. |
| 176 | ( mirthless chuckle ) |
| 177 | HEY. |
| 178 | All: HEY. |
| 179 | SO, UH, EMILY CALLED LAST NIGHT. |
| 180 | AND NOW YOU'RE GIVING ME THE MESSAGE? |
| 181 | TURNS OUT THAT EMILY IS JUST CRAZY ABOUT SUSAN. YEAH. |
| 182 | THEY'RE GOING TO THE THEATER TOGETHER... |
| 183 | THEY'RE GOING TO DINNER... |
| 184 | THEY'RE GOING HORSEBACK RIDING. |
| 185 | GOD, SUSAN IS SO FUN. |
| 186 | ( chuckles ) |
| 187 | LOOK, THIS IS JUST A LITTLE TOO FAMILIAR, OKAY? |
| 188 | FOR-FOR LIKE SIX MONTHS BEFORE CAROL AND I SPLIT UP |
| 189 | ALL I HEARD WAS, "MY FRIEND SUSAN IS-IS SO SMART." |
| 190 | "MY FRIEND SUSAN IS SO FUNNY." |
| 191 | "MY FRIEND SUSAN IS SO GREAT." |
| 192 | YOU ACTUALLY THINK |
| 193 | THAT SOMETHING COULD HAPPEN |
| 194 | BETWEEN EMILY AND SUSAN? |
| 195 | HEY, THEY'RE GOING TO THE GYM TOGETHER. |
| 196 | TWO WOMEN? |
| 197 | STRETCHING? |
| 198 | YOU KNOW, THEY TAKE |
| 199 | A STEAM TOGETHER, THINGS GET A LITTLE PLAYFUL... |
| 200 | DIDN'T YOU SEE PERSONAL BEST? |
| 201 | NO, BUT I'M GONNA. |
| 202 | HI! HI! YOU'RE CRAZY. |
| 203 | THIS IS EMILY. |
| 204 | EMILY IS STRAIGHT. |
| 205 | YEAH, HOW DO YOU KNOW? |
| 206 | I MEAN, WE THOUGHT CAROL WAS STRAIGHT |
| 207 | BEFORE I MARRIED HER. |
| 208 | YEAH, I'M DEFINITELY... |
| 209 | I DON'T LIKE THE NAME "ROSS." |
| 210 | WHAT A WEIRD WAY TO KICK ME WHEN I'M DOWN. |
| 211 | NO, NO. NO, I JUST... I MEANT FOR THE BABY. |
| 212 | OH. |
| 213 | WHAT'S WRONG WITH "ROSS"? |
| 214 | WELL, IT'S JUST, YOU KNOW SOMETHING LIKE THIS WOULD NEVER HAPPEN |
| 215 | TO, LIKE, THE HULK, YOU KNOW. |
| 216 | ACTUALLY, THAT- THAT'S NOT TRUE. |
| 217 | IN THE INCREDIBLE HULK, UH, NUMBER 72 |
| 218 | DR. BRUCE BANNER FOUND-FOUND... |
| 219 | YOU KNOW... NEVER MIND. |
| 220 | MY GIRLFRIEND'S A LESBIAN. |
| 221 | SO, I DECIDED |
| 222 | I'M DEFINITELY GOING TO GO |
| 223 | WITH EITHER "JOEY" OR "CHANDLER." |
| 224 | OH! |
| 225 | OH, OH, OH, OH! |
| 226 | YOU GOT TO PICK "JOEY." |
| 227 | I MEAN, NAME ONE FAMOUS PERSON NAMED "CHANDLER." |
| 228 | RAYMOND CHANDLER. |
| 229 | SOMEONE YOU DIDN'T MAKE UP. |
| 230 | ( scoffs ) |
| 231 | OKAY, THERE ARE NO FAMOUS "JOEYS," EXCEPT FOR... |
| 232 | ( chuckles ) |
| 233 | JOEY BUTTAFUOCO. |
| 234 | YEAH, THAT GUY REALLY HURT US. |
| 235 | YEAH. |
| 236 | WELL, HOW ABOUT A COMPROMISE, THEN, OKAY? |
| 237 | WHAT IF IT'S, YOU KNOW... "CHANOEY"? |
| 238 | OKAY, LOOK-- "JOEY"? |
| 239 | COME ON, THINK ABOUT IT. |
| 240 | FIRST OF ALL, HE'LL NEVER BE PRESIDENT. |
| 241 | I MEAN, THERE'S NEVER GOING TO BE A PRESIDENT JOEY. |
| 242 | ALL RIGHT, MAN, I DIDN'T WANT TO BRING THIS UP |
| 243 | BUT "CHANDLER" IS THE STUPIDEST NAME |
| 244 | I EVER HEARD IN MY LIFE. |
| 245 | IT'S NOT EVEN A NAME. |
| 246 | IT'S BARELY EVEN A WORD, OKAY? |
| 247 | IT'S KIND OF LIKE "CHANDELIER" BUT IT'S NOT. |
| 248 | ALL RIGHT? |
| 249 | IT'S A STUPID, STUPID NON-NAME. |
| 250 | WOW, YOU... YOU'RE RIGHT. |
| 251 | I HAVE A HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE NAME. |
| 252 | ( sighs ) |
| 253 | I'M SORRY, MAN. I DIDN'T... |
| 254 | I'M-I'M SORRY. I'M SORRY. |
| 255 | OKAY. |
| 256 | SO, I GUESS IT'S "JOEY," THEN. |
| 257 | THIS IS SO NICE. |
| 258 | THANK YOU FOR DOING THIS. |
| 259 | OH, PLEASE. COOKING SOOTHES ME. |
| 260 | ( both chuckle ) |
| 261 | ( sighs ) SO, DIG IN. |
| 262 | RIGHT. OH, IT ALL LOOKS SO GOOD. |
| 263 | MMM. |
| 264 | MMM! |
| 265 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 266 | OH, I KNOW. |
| 267 | MY GOD, THIS IS SO... |
| 268 | THIS RICE IS SO... |
| 269 | I'M SO GOOD. |
| 270 | BEHIND YOU. |
| 271 | OH, YEAH, SORRY. |
| 272 | THEY USED TO LIVE HERE |
| 273 | AND SOMETIMES THEY MIGRATE BACK OVER. |
| 274 | IS THERE, UH... IS THERE SOME WAY |
| 275 | THAT THEY COULD, UH... NOT BE HERE? |
| 276 | IT'S JUST THAT, UH, FARM BIRDS REALLY KIND OF FREAK ME OUT. |
| 277 | YEAH, SURE, OKAY. OKAY. |
| 278 | OKAY, GREAT. |
| 279 | COME ON. SHOO. SHOO. |
| 280 | HERE WE GO. HERE WE GO. WHOA! |
| 281 | SHOO. SHOO. |
| 282 | ALL RIGHT. WHOA! |
| 283 | OH, SORRY. COME HERE. |
| 284 | GOOD. THERE YOU GO. |
| 285 | OKAY. |
| 286 | ( Joshua clears throat ) |
| 287 | HEY, HOW'D YOU DO THAT? |
| 288 | COME ON. |
| 289 | COME HERE. |
| 290 | ALL GONE. |
| 291 | ( weak chuckle ) |
| 292 | SO, FARM BIRDS, HUH? |
| 293 | YEAH. IT'S, UH, IT'S MY ONLY WEIRD THING, I SWEAR. |
| 294 | AND I-I-I WOULD'VE TOLD YOU ABOUT IT |
| 295 | BUT I DIDN'T KNOW THAT THEY WOULD... BE HERE. |
| 296 | ( chuckles ): OH, OKAY. |
| 297 | SO, ALL RIGHT... |
| 298 | ( clears throat ) |
| 299 | ( chuckles ) |
| 300 | OKAY. ( nervous groan ) |
| 301 | SO, CAN I SERVE YOU A LITTLE OF... |
| 302 | WHAT? WHAT'S...? WHAT? |
| 303 | NOTHING. I, UH... |
| 304 | IT'S JUST THAT I KNOW THAT THEY'RE STILL OUT THERE. |
| 305 | BUT THEY'RE ACROSS THE HALL. |
| 306 | I MEAN, THAT'S TWO DOORS AWAY. |
| 307 | IT'S GOING TO TAKE THEM A LONG TIME |
| 308 | TO PECK THEIR WAY BACK OVER HERE. |
| 309 | ( nervous chuckle ) |
| 310 | HEY, THAT'S-THAT'S NOT FUNNY. |
| 311 | UH... |
| 312 | OKAY, YOU KNOW... |
| 313 | WOULD YOU FEEL BETTER |
| 314 | IF WE WENT SOMEPLACE ELSE? |
| 315 | I MEAN, WE COULD PACK ALL THIS STUFF UP |
| 316 | AND, YOU KNOW, GO TO YOUR APARTMENT. |
| 317 | OH, THEY'RE WORKING ON IT THIS WEEK. |
| 318 | IT'S A TOTAL MESS. |
| 319 | BUT I'M STAYING AT MY PARENTS' HOUSE. |
| 320 | WE COULD GO THERE. |
| 321 | YOUR PARENTS? THEY'RE OUT OF TOWN. |
| 322 | OH. |
| 323 | YEAH, IT'S A HUGE PLACE, AND-AND IT'S GOT |
| 324 | THIS GORGEOUS VIEW OF THE PARK. |
| 325 | IT'D BE VERY, VERY ROMANTIC. |
| 326 | WHAT DO YOU SAY? |
| 327 | YEAH, THAT WORKS. |
| 328 | ( clucking ) |
| 329 | YEAH, THEY-THEY CAN SMELL THE FEAR. |
| 330 | OKAY, IT'S OKAY. |
| 331 | ( clears throat ) |
| 332 | HEY. HI. |
| 333 | HOW'S BEN? |
| 334 | WELL, I ASKED HIM IF HE WANTED TO EAT |
| 335 | HE SAID, "NO." |
| 336 | I ASKED HIM IF HE WANTED TO SLEEP |
| 337 | HE SAID, "NO." |
| 338 | I ASKED HIM WHAT HE WANTED TO DO |
| 339 | HE SAID, "NO," SO HE'S SWEEPING. |
| 340 | HEY, BUDDY. |
| 341 | HEY. |
| 342 | SO, UM... |
| 343 | ANY WORD FROM SUSAN? |
| 344 | OH, YEAH. SHE SAID |
| 345 | SHE'S HAVING SO MUCH FUN WITH EMILY. |
| 346 | UH-HUH, UH-HUH. |
| 347 | UH, BY THE BY, DID IT, UH... |
| 348 | DID IT EVER OCCUR TO YOU THAT, I DON'T KNOW |
| 349 | MAYBE THEY MIGHT BE HAVING A LITTLE TOO MUCH FUN? |
| 350 | WHAT'S "TOO MUCH FUN"? |
| 351 | YOU KNOW, THE KIND OF FUN YOU AND SUSAN HAD |
| 352 | WHEN WE WERE MARRIED. |
| 353 | ( chuckles ) |
| 354 | OH, MY GOD, YOU ARE SO PARANOID. |
| 355 | AM I? YES. |
| 356 | AM I? |
| 357 | LOOK, I CAN'T SPEAK FOR EMILY |
| 358 | BUT SUSAN IS IN A LOVING, COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP. |
| 359 | UH-HUH, CAROL, SO WERE WE. |
| 360 | ALL RIGHT, JUST IMAGINE FOR A MOMENT |
| 361 | THAT SUSAN MEETS SOMEONE, AND THEY REALLY HIT IT OFF. |
| 362 | SAY THEY'RE COMING BACK FROM THE THEATER |
| 363 | AND THEY STOP AT A PUB FOR A COUPLE OF DRINKS. |
| 364 | THEY'RE LAUGHING, YOU KNOW. |
| 365 | SOMEONE INNOCENTLY TOUCHES SOMEONE ELSE. |
| 366 | THERE'S ELECTRICITY. |
| 367 | IT'S NEW, IT'S EXCITING. |
| 368 | ARE YOU TELLING ME |
| 369 | THERE ISN'T EVEN THE SLIGHTEST POSSIBILITY |
| 370 | OF SOMETHING HAPPENING? |
| 371 | MAYBE... |
| 372 | OH MY GOD! |
| 373 | I DIDN'T REALLY BELIEVE IT UNTIL YOU SAID IT! |
| 374 | ...AND EVEN THOUGH NONE OF THE KIDS BELIEVED ME |
| 375 | I SWEAR TO GOD, THAT DUCK PUSHED ME. |
| 376 | YEAH. |
| 377 | WOW, THIS PLACE IS FABULOUS! |
| 378 | LET ME SHOW YOU AROUND. |
| 379 | THIS IS THE DOWNSTAIRS LIVING ROOM... |
| 380 | WHAT? THERE'S TWO LIVING ROOMS? |
| 381 | GOD, GROWING UP HERE |
| 382 | THIS PLACE MUST HAVE BEEN A REAL BABE MAGNET. |
| 383 | YEAH, WELL, IT WOULD HAVE BEEN |
| 384 | BUT MY PARENTS JUST MOVED HERE. |
| 385 | OH, WELL, YOU SHOULD KNOW |
| 386 | THIS PLACE IS A REAL BABE MAGNET. |
| 387 | WANT TO MAKE OUT? |
| 388 | YEAH. OKAY. |
| 389 | MMM. |
| 390 | HERE'S AN IDEA. |
| 391 | WHY DON'T I PUT THE FOOD IN THE FRIDGE |
| 392 | AND WE CAN EAT IT LATER? |
| 393 | THAT SOUNDS LIKE A PLAN. |
| 394 | UM, IS THERE A PLACE THAT I COULD GO FRESHEN UP? |
| 395 | YEAH, YEAH. |
| 396 | UM, JUST DOWN THE HALL |
| 397 | AND, UH, SECOND DOOR TO YOUR LEFT. |
| 398 | OH, HI, DARLING. |
| 399 | MOM, DAD! WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING HERE? |
| 400 | WE CUT THE TRIP SHORT. |
| 401 | FRANCE SUCKS! |
| 402 | UM, THIS MAY BE A LITTLE WEIRD |
| 403 | BUT I... I'VE GOT A DATE HERE. |
| 404 | WELL, SAY NO MORE. |
| 405 | WE'LL GRAB SOME FOOD AND TAKE IT UPSTAIRS |
| 406 | AND BE OUT OF YOUR HAIR. |
| 407 | OH, THAT'D BE GREAT. |
| 408 | SO, YOU DIDN'T GET TO ITALY? |
| 409 | YEP. SUCKS! |
| 410 | HI, YOU. |
| 411 | OH, MY GOD... |
| 412 | I KNOW. |
| 413 | I CAN DO MORE THAN COOK. |
| 414 | UH... |
| 415 | I LIKE HER. |
| 416 | SHE SEEMS SMART. |
| 417 | UH... RACHEL, MY PARENTS. |
| 418 | OH, SO NICE TO MEET YOU. |
| 419 | HI, RACHEL. |
| 420 | HELLO. HELLO. |
| 421 | OH, JOSHUA... |
| 422 | THAT $500 WAS FOR GROCERIES. |
| 423 | WHAT? TH-TH-THIS? NO. OH, NO, THIS IS NOT... |
| 424 | THAT'S NOT WHAT... THAT'S NOT WHAT IT IS. |
| 425 | YOU SEE, OKAY, I WORK IN FASHION. |
| 426 | SEE, AND-AND THIS IS A REAL DRESS, ACTUALLY. |
| 427 | IT IS... THEY'RE-THEY'RE |
| 428 | WEARING IT IN MILAN. |
| 429 | IT'S TH... AND... |
| 430 | SEE, OH, PART OF MY JOB IS TO WEAR THE CLOTHES |
| 431 | AND THEN I SEE HOW PEOPLE RESPOND |
| 432 | AND THEN I REPORT BACK |
| 433 | TO MY SUPERIORS AT BLOOMINGDALE'S. |
| 434 | SO... |
| 435 | AND, OBVIOUSLY, IN, UH, IN-IN THIS CASE |
| 436 | I AM-AM GOING TO REPORT BACK |
| 437 | "U.S.A. NOT READY." |
| 438 | MAYBE IN L.A. |
| 439 | YES. |
| 440 | THERE YOU GO. |
| 441 | SO, HAVE YOU KIDS EATEN YET? |
| 442 | WELL, WE WERE GOING TO DO THAT AFTER. |
| 443 | I MEAN, UM... |
| 444 | NEXT. |
| 445 | WELL, WE'RE STARVING. |
| 446 | WHY DON'T WE GET SOMETHING TO EAT? |
| 447 | OH... YEAH. |
| 448 | WELL... |
| 449 | YEAH, NO USE WASTING THIS BABY JUST LYING AROUND THE HOUSE. |
| 450 | SO... WE'LL GO EAT. |
| 451 | Rachel: YEAH. |
| 452 | YOU'LL WEAR THAT. |
| 453 | WE'LL BE EATING, AND, OF COURSE, YOU'LL BE... WEARING THAT. |
| 454 | DUDE, I AM SORRY ABOUT WHAT I SAID. |
| 455 | NOPE, NOPE, YOU'RE RIGHT. |
| 456 | IT IS A RIDICULOUS NAME. |
| 457 | IT'S NOT THAT BAD. |
| 458 | YES, IT IS. |
| 459 | FROM NOW ON, I HAVE NO FIRST NAME. |
| 460 | SO... |
| 461 | YOU'RE JUST BING? |
| 462 | I HAVE NO NAME. |
| 463 | ALL RIGHT, SO, WHAT ARE WE SUPPOSED TO CALL YOU? |
| 464 | OKAY, UH, FOR NOW, TEMPORARILY |
| 465 | YOU CAN CALL ME.... |
| 466 | CLINT. |
| 467 | ( snickers ) |
| 468 | NO WAY ARE YOU COOL ENOUGH TO PULL OFF CLINT. |
| 469 | OKAY, SO, WHAT NAME AM I COOL ENOUGH TO PULL OFF? |
| 470 | UM... GENE. |
| 471 | IT'S CLINT. IT'S CLINT! |
| 472 | SEE YOU LATER, GENE. BYE, GENE. |
| 473 | IT'S CLINT! |
| 474 | CLINT! |
| 475 | WHAT'S UP WITH GENE? |
| 476 | Monica: YOU WORE YOUR NIGHTIE TO DINNER? |
| 477 | OH, YEAH. |
| 478 | AND, UH, THE BEST PART, THOUGH |
| 479 | WAS WHEN THE, UH, WAITER SPILLED WATER DOWN MY BACK. |
| 480 | I JUMPED UP AND MY BOOB POPPED OUT. |
| 481 | OH, MY GOD. OH, NO. |
| 482 | IT'S ALL RIGHT-- I GOT NICE BOOBS. |
| 483 | SO, I JUST PICKED UP A MESSAGE FROM EMILY. |
| 484 | SHE AND SUSAN ARE GOING TO A POETRY READING TOGETHER. |
| 485 | SO? |
| 486 | SO? |
| 487 | POETRY? |
| 488 | SUSAN'S GAY. |
| 489 | THEY'RE BEING GAY TOGETHER! |
| 490 | BUT EMILY'S STRAIGHT. |
| 491 | OH, WAKE UP! |
| 492 | WOW... |
| 493 | CAROL REALLY MESSED YOU UP. |
| 494 | EXCUSE ME? |
| 495 | YEAH, SHE TURNED YOU INTO THIS-THIS-THIS |
| 496 | UNTRUSTING, CRAZY, JEALOUS SYCOPHANT. |
| 497 | ALL RIGHT, SO I DON'T KNOW WHAT SYCOPHANT MEANS |
| 498 | BUT THE REST IS RIGHT. |
| 499 | I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT. |
| 500 | I AM NOT A CRAZY, JEALOUS PERSON. |
| 501 | HUH. |
| 502 | WHAT? |
| 503 | SHE'S TOTALLY RIGHT. |
| 504 | WHEN WE WERE TOGETHER, |
| 505 | YOU GOT FREAKED OUT ABOUT MARK |
| 506 | AND NOTHING WAS GOING ON. |
| 507 | THIS TOTALLY MAKES SENSE. |
| 508 | IT DOES NOT. |
| 509 | SURE IT DOES. IN HIGH SCHOOL |
| 510 | YOU WEREN'T JEALOUS AT ALL |
| 511 | EVEN THOUGH ALL YOUR GIRLFRIENDS |
| 512 | WERE CHEATING ON YOU. |
| 513 | ( Phoebe gasps ) |
| 514 | ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT |
| 515 | SO, UP UNTIL '92, '93, HE WAS VERY TRUSTING. |
| 516 | THEN '94 HIT, CAROL LEFT HIM |
| 517 | AND BAM, PARANOID CITY. |
| 518 | Rachel: YEP. ABSOLUTELY. |
| 519 | ABSOLUTELY. |
| 520 | THIS IS SO MUCH FUN. |
| 521 | THIS IS NOT FUN! |
| 522 | ALL RIGHT, LOOK... |
| 523 | ALL WE'RE TRYING TO SAY IS |
| 524 | DON'T LET WHAT HAPPENED WITH CAROL |
| 525 | RUIN WHAT YOU'VE GOT WITH EMILY. |
| 526 | THE '92 ROSS WOULDN'T. |
| 527 | THANKS. |
| 528 | STILL THINK I WAS RIGHT |
| 529 | ABOUT THAT WHOLE MARK THING THOUGH. |
| 530 | WHA... YA... WHA... YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 531 | I HOPE EMILY IS A LESBIAN. |
| 532 | ( drum rattling ) |
| 533 | DRUM ROLL. |
| 534 | OKAY, OKAY... |
| 535 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 536 | HELP. |
| 537 | AM I A MARK OR A JOHN? |
| 538 | WELL, YOU'RE NOT TALL ENOUGH TO BE A MARK... |
| 539 | BUT YOU MIGHT MAKE A GOOD BARNEY. |
| 540 | ALL RIGHT, LOOK, I'M SERIOUS, OKAY? |
| 541 | TOMORROW AT 3:30 |
| 542 | I'M GOING DOWN TO THE COURTHOUSE. |
| 543 | YOU'LL ACTUALLY GO THROUGH WITH THIS? |
| 544 | HEY, LOOK, THIS NAME HAS BEEN HOLDING ME BACK MY ENTIRE LIFE. |
| 545 | OKAY, IT'S PROBABLY WHY KIDS PICKED ON ME IN SCHOOL |
| 546 | AND WHY I NEVER DO WELL WITH WOMEN. |
| 547 | SO, AS OF 4:00 TOMORROW, I'M EITHER GOING TO BE |
| 548 | MARK JOHNSON OR JOHN MARKSON. |
| 549 | YOU'VE GOT PROBLEMS BECAUSE OF YOU, |
| 550 | NOT YOUR NAME. |
| 551 | ALL RIGHT, THIS HAS GOT TO STOP. |
| 552 | CHANDLER IS A GREAT NAME. |
| 553 | IN FACT... |
| 554 | YES. |
| 555 | I'M... I'M SORRY. |
| 556 | I KNOW YOU REALLY WANTED ME |
| 557 | TO NAME THE BABY JOEY, BUT... |
| 558 | SO, I'M-I'M GOING TO... |
| 559 | I'M GOING TO NAME THE BABY CHANDLER. |
| 560 | REALLY? |
| 561 | YEAH, BUT YOU HAVE TO KEEP THE NAME, TOO. |
| 562 | OKAY. |
| 563 | THANKS. OKAY. |
| 564 | YOU WANT TO HUG IT OUT? |
| 565 | YEAH. |
| 566 | YAY. |
| 567 | YAY. |
| 568 | YAY. OH, YAY! |
| 569 | OKAY, I GOT TO GO TELL FRANK AND ALICE RIGHT NOW. |
| 570 | OOH. |
| 571 | GOOD-BYE, PHEEBS. |
| 572 | OKAY, BYE. |
| 573 | ( devious laughter ) |
| 574 | ( horrified gasp ) |
| 575 | ( both moaning ) |
| 576 | THAT'S NICE LUGGAGE. |
| 577 | YEAH, I WAS GOING TO SAY. |
| 578 | HEY! |
| 579 | HI! HI! |
| 580 | I MISSED YOU. |
| 581 | OH, I MISSED YOU, TOO. |
| 582 | HEY, THANKS FOR EVERYTHING. |
| 583 | I HAD SUCH A GREAT TIME. |
| 584 | OH, SO DID I. |
| 585 | THERE'S NO TONGUE. |
| 586 | ( sighs ) |
| 587 | |
| 1 | ( operatic tenor bellowing): ♪ MORNING'S HERE ♪ |
| 2 | ♪ THE MORNING'S HERE ♪ |
| 3 | ♪ SUNSHINE IS HERE ♪ |
| 4 | ♪ THE SKY IS CLEAR ♪ |
| 5 | ♪ THE MORNING'S HERE ♪ |
| 6 | ♪ THE MORNING'S HERE... ♪ |
| 7 | HEY! |
| 8 | DO YOU HAVE TO DO THAT? |
| 9 | IT'S SATURDAY! |
| 10 | OH, COME ON. |
| 11 | MORNING'S HERE! |
| 12 | ♪ MORNING'S HERE ♪ |
| 13 | ♪ THE MORNING'S HERE ♪ |
| 14 | ♪ SUNSHINE IS HERE ♪ |
| 15 | ♪ LA-DA-DA DAH-DAH-DAH-DAH-DAH... ♪ |
| 16 | I HATE THIS APARTMENT! |
| 17 | ( door slams ) |
| 18 | I HATE THE COLOR OF THESE WALLS. |
| 19 | I HATE THE FACT THIS PLACE STILL SMELLS LIKE BIRD. |
| 20 | I HATE THAT SINGING GUY. |
| 21 | ARE YOU KIDDING? |
| 22 | I LOVE THAT GUY. |
| 23 | ♪ MORNING'S HERE ♪ |
| 24 | ♪ MORNING IS... ♪ |
| 25 | STOP IT! |
| 26 | I WILL KILL YOU. |
| 27 | GOD. |
| 28 | I HATE THE FACT THAT MY ROOM IS SO SMALL. |
| 29 | HEY, I HAVE ALL THE SPACE I NEED. |
| 30 | JUST DO WHAT I DID. |
| 31 | MONICA, YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE A BED. |
| 32 | YOU SLEEP IN A BALL ON THE FLOOR. |
| 33 | YOU KNOW WHAT? I AM REALLY TIRED OF |
| 34 | YOUR BELLYACHING, OKAY? |
| 35 | I'VE WORKED REALLY HARD AT MAKING THIS |
| 36 | A NICE PLACE FOR US TO LIVE. |
| 37 | I KNOW. |
| 38 | I'M SO SORRY. |
| 39 | I'M SORRY, OKAY? |
| 40 | THIS IS A GREAT APARTMENT. |
| 41 | SHUT UP! THIS PLACE IS A HOLE! |
| 42 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 43 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 44 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 45 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 46 | ♪ WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY ♪ |
| 47 | ♪ YOUR WEEK, YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 48 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 49 | ♪ WHEN THE RAIN STARTS TO POUR ♪ |
| 50 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 51 | ♪ LIKE I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE ♪ |
| 52 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 53 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME, TOO. ♪ |
| 54 | OH, BLIMEY! I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'VE GOT AN EARRING. |
| 55 | I KNOW. WHO AM I: |
| 56 | ( English accent ): DAVID BOWIE? |
| 57 | HE DOES THAT? |
| 58 | I DON'T KNOW. WHATEVER. |
| 59 | I THINK IT MAKES YOU LOOK REALLY DANGEROUS. |
| 60 | OH, I KNOW. |
| 61 | YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 62 | I NEVER WOULD HAVE GOTTEN THIS |
| 63 | IF IT WEREN'T FOR YOU. |
| 64 | NO, REALLY. |
| 65 | WHEN I'M WITH YOU, I'M LIKE THIS-THIS WHOLE OTHER GUY. |
| 66 | I LOVE THAT GUY. |
| 67 | I MEAN, I LOVE YOU, TOO, A LOT |
| 68 | BUT THAT GUY. |
| 69 | I LOVE THAT GUY. |
| 70 | I LOVE BOTH OF YOU. |
| 71 | YEAH? |
| 72 | ( sighs ) |
| 73 | I WISH I DIDN'T HAVE TO GO. |
| 74 | THEN DON'T. |
| 75 | STAY HERE. |
| 76 | JUST DON'T GO SO SOON TO LONDON. |
| 77 | JUST ONE MORE DAY. |
| 78 | ROSS, PLEASE DON'T DO THIS TO ME AGAIN. ONE MORE DAY. |
| 79 | I'D STAY IN A MINUTE |
| 80 | BUT I'VE ALREADY MISSED SO MUCH OF MY WORK |
| 81 | THEY'D FIRE ME. |
| 82 | SO? THEN YOU COULD STAY AS LONG AS YOU WANT. |
| 83 | I WISH I COULD. |
| 84 | OH, DON'T-DON'T START PACKING. |
| 85 | COME ON. |
| 86 | I DON'T THINK YOU UNDERSTAND PACKING. |
| 87 | I DON'T WANT TO LEAVE IT TILL THE LAST MINUTE. |
| 88 | THE LAST TIME I PACKED IN A RUSH, I LEFT MY KNICKERS. |
| 89 | YEAH, I KNOW. I, UH, I TRIED THEM ON. |
| 90 | YOU DIDN'T! |
| 91 | NO, I DIDN'T. |
| 92 | I DIDN'T WANT TO BE THAT GUY. |
| 93 | ( karate yells ) |
| 94 | HELLO. |
| 95 | HO, HO, HO! |
| 96 | EXCUSE ME? |
| 97 | YOUR PANTS. |
| 98 | OH, YEAH! |
| 99 | YOU LIKE THEM? |
| 100 | I WENT TO A USED CLOTHES STORE |
| 101 | AND GOT A BUNCH OF MATERNITY STUFF. |
| 102 | THESE ARE SO COMFORTABLE. |
| 103 | UH, PHEEBS, THOSE ARE SANTA PANTS. |
| 104 | WHAT? |
| 105 | SANTA PANTS. |
| 106 | SANTA CLAUS'S PANTS. |
| 107 | NUH-UH. THEY'RE MATERNITY PANTS. |
| 108 | THEY EVEN CAME WITH A LIST OF BABY NAMES. |
| 109 | SEE? |
| 110 | THESE NAMES ARE GOOD AND THESE ARE BAD. |
| 111 | OH. |
| 112 | HEY. |
| 113 | HEY. |
| 114 | HEY, PHEEBS. |
| 115 | SO, HOW ARE THE ELVES? |
| 116 | ( goofy voice ): I DON'T KNOW. |
| 117 | HOW ARE THE... |
| 118 | YOU KNOW. |
| 119 | YOUR CLOTHES AREN'T FUNNY. |
| 120 | HEY, GUYS, WHAT SHOULD I WEAR TO A KNICKS GAME? |
| 121 | UH, A T-SHIRT THAT SAYS, "I DON'T BELONG HERE." |
| 122 | YOU HAVE KNICKS TICKETS? |
| 123 | YEAH. MY MOM GOT MY DAD'S |
| 124 | SEASON TICKETS IN THE DIVORCE |
| 125 | SO SHE JUST GAVE THEM TO ME. |
| 126 | APPARENTLY, THEY'RE PRETTY GOOD SEATS. |
| 127 | OH, MY GOD! THOSE ARE ALMOST RIGHT ON THE FLOOR! |
| 128 | DO YOU GUYS WANT THESE? |
| 129 | YEAH! YEAH, WE DO! |
| 130 | OH, WELL, YOU GOT 'EM. |
| 131 | ALL RIGHT! |
| 132 | JUST GIVE US OUR APARTMENT BACK. |
| 133 | WHOA! I DIDN'T SEE THAT COMING. |
| 134 | ARE YOU SERIOUS? |
| 135 | ( taunting ): COME ON. |
| 136 | WE KNOW WHAT THESE ARE WORTH. |
| 137 | WHAT, DO YOU THINK WE'RE STUPID? NOT STUPID. |
| 138 | YOU'RE MEANER THAN I THOUGHT. |
| 139 | WHAT DO YOU SAY? |
| 140 | FORGET IT, OKAY? |
| 141 | I'M NOT GIVING UP MY BACHELOR PAD |
| 142 | FOR SOME BASKETBALL SEATS. |
| 143 | YOUR BACHELOR PAD? |
| 144 | HAVE YOU EVEN HAD A GIRL UP HERE? |
| 145 | NO. |
| 146 | BUT, UH... JOEY HAS |
| 147 | AND I USUALLY TALK TO THEM IN THE MORNING TIME. |
| 148 | YEAH, YOU DO. |
| 149 | COME ON. |
| 150 | YES, GUNTHER, CAN I GET TWO CUPS OF CHINO, PLEASE? |
| 151 | GOOD ONE. |
| 152 | HEY, COME ON-- SEASON TICKETS. |
| 153 | SEASON TICKETS. YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS? |
| 154 | FORGET IT. I'M NOT GIVING UP THE APARTMENT. |
| 155 | LOOK, WHEN I WAS A LITTLE KID |
| 156 | MY DAD'S COMPANY GAVE SEASON TICKETS |
| 157 | TO THE NUMBER-ONE SALESMAN EVERY YEAR. |
| 158 | MY DAD NEVER WON. |
| 159 | OF COURSE, HE WASN'T IN THE SALES DIVISION |
| 160 | BUT STILL, I NEVER EVER, EVER FORGOT THAT. |
| 161 | HEY, GUYS. |
| 162 | HEY. |
| 163 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 164 | WE DON'T MAKE ENOUGH FUN OF YOU ALREADY? |
| 165 | OH, YEAH. EMILY CONVINCED ME TO DO IT. |
| 166 | YOU DO KNOW THAT WHAM! BROKE UP? |
| 167 | ( laughing ) |
| 168 | YEAH, WELL, I LIKE IT AND EMILY LIKES IT |
| 169 | AND THAT'S WHAT COUNTS. |
| 170 | SO, UH, HOW ARE YOU GUYS DOING? |
| 171 | DON'T TRY AND TALK ALL NORMAL |
| 172 | WITH THAT THING IN YOUR EAR. |
| 173 | WHERE'S EMILY? |
| 174 | SHE'S SAYING GOOD-BYE TO HER UNCLE. |
| 175 | MAN, DIDN'T SHE, LIKE, JUST GET HERE? |
| 176 | YEAH! YEAH! |
| 177 | EASY, TIGER. |
| 178 | I JUST... I HATE THIS SO MUCH. |
| 179 | EVERY TIME I GO PICK HER UP AT THE AIRPORT |
| 180 | IT'S SO GREAT, BUT AT THE SAME TIME |
| 181 | I'M THINKING, WELL, I'M GOING TO BE RIGHT BACK THERE |
| 182 | IN A COUPLE OF DAYS DROPPING HER OFF. |
| 183 | WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO? |
| 184 | THERE'S NOTHING TO DO. |
| 185 | SHE LIVES THERE, I LIVE HERE. |
| 186 | I MEAN, SHE'D HAVE TO MOVE HERE. |
| 187 | SHE SHOULD MOVE HERE. |
| 188 | WHAT? |
| 189 | I COULD ASK HER TO LIVE WITH ME. |
| 190 | ARE YOU SERIOUS? |
| 191 | WHY NOT? I MEAN, WHY NOT? |
| 192 | BECAUSE YOU'VE ONLY KNOWN HER SIX WEEKS. |
| 193 | I'VE GOT A CARTON OF MILK IN MY REFRIGERATOR |
| 194 | I'VE HAD A LONGER RELATIONSHIP WITH. |
| 195 | BUT, GUYS, WHEN I'M WITH HER, IT'S LIKE... |
| 196 | SHE BRINGS OUT THIS-THIS THIS GREAT SIDE OF ME. |
| 197 | I MEAN, I LOVE HER, YOU KNOW? |
| 198 | AND I LOVE THE MILK! |
| 199 | BUT I'M NOT GOING TO ASK |
| 200 | SOME BRITISH GIRL TO MOVE IN WITH ME. |
| 201 | JOEY, YOU SAY THINGS NOW. |
| 202 | LOOK, ROSS, HE'S RIGHT. |
| 203 | EMILY IS GREAT. |
| 204 | SHE'S GREAT |
| 205 | BUT THIS IS TOO SOON. |
| 206 | YOU'RE ONLY GOING TO SCARE HER. |
| 207 | I DON'T WANT TO DO THAT. NO. |
| 208 | YOU DON'T WANT TO WRECK IT. |
| 209 | YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TOO FAST. |
| 210 | YEAH. NO, YOU'RE RIGHT. |
| 211 | I KNOW YOU'RE RIGHT. |
| 212 | I'M NOT GOING TO DO IT. |
| 213 | THANKS, GUYS. |
| 214 | OKAY, NO PROBLEM. |
| 215 | JUST REMEMBER TO WAKE US UP BEFORE YOU GO-GO. |
| 216 | OH, IT'S TOO HARD. TOO HARD! |
| 217 | ALL RIGHT, BOYS-- |
| 218 | LAST CHANCE FOR THE TICKETS. |
| 219 | OTHERWISE, I GIVE THEM TO MY NEW BOYFRIEND JOSHUA. |
| 220 | NO, THANK YOU. |
| 221 | WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. |
| 222 | COME ON, COME ON-- LET'S TRADE. |
| 223 | THE TIMING'S PERFECT. |
| 224 | I JUST CLOGGED THE TOILET! |
| 225 | LOOK, I WANT THOSE BASKETBALL SEATS |
| 226 | AS MUCH AS YOU DO, OKAY? |
| 227 | BUT WE CAN'T LIVE IN THE SMALL APARTMENT |
| 228 | AFTER WE'VE LIVED HERE! |
| 229 | DIDN'T YOU EVER READ FLOWERS FOR ALGERNON? |
| 230 | YES... |
| 231 | DIDN'T YOU EVER READ SPORTS ILLUSTRATED? |
| 232 | NO, I DIDN'T READ YOURS. |
| 233 | LOOK, COME ON, WE CAN GO TO THE GAME TONIGHT. |
| 234 | LOOK, THE ONLY WAY I WILL EVEN CONSIDER THIS |
| 235 | IS IF THEY OFFER A LOT MORE THAN JUST SEASON SEATS. |
| 236 | BUT IT'S THE KNICKS! |
| 237 | SCREW THE KNICKS! WHOA... |
| 238 | I DIDN'T MEAN THAT. |
| 239 | I JUST MEANT THAT THE APARTMENT IS WORTH SO MUCH MORE. |
| 240 | HUH. |
| 241 | AND THE KNICKS RULE ALL. |
| 242 | YEAH! THE KNICKS RULE ALL. |
| 243 | HEY, SO ARE YOU GOING TO DO IT? |
| 244 | NO. NO, WE'RE NOT. YOU KNOW WHY? |
| 245 | BECAUSE IT'S NOT AN EVEN TRADE. |
| 246 | LOOK, WHAT IF YOU COULD KEEP THE APARTMENT |
| 247 | AND GET THE TICKETS? |
| 248 | DONE! |
| 249 | LET ME FINISH. |
| 250 | WE'RE TALKING ABOUT A BET-- WINNER TAKES ALL. |
| 251 | WE COULD END UP WITH NOTHING. |
| 252 | OR END UP WITH EVERYTHING. |
| 253 | OOH, I LIKE THAT. |
| 254 | ALL RIGHT, SO WHAT DO YOU SAY? |
| 255 | NO! OH, JUST DO IT! |
| 256 | OH! OH, I'M CONVINCED. |
| 257 | COME ON, MAN. |
| 258 | YOU KNOW I'D DO IT FOR YOU. |
| 259 | BECAUSE YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND. |
| 260 | ( sighing ) |
| 261 | ALL RIGHT, BUT YOU CAN'T USE THAT AGAIN |
| 262 | FOR A WHOLE YEAR. |
| 263 | I'M IN. |
| 264 | OOH! THIS IS SO EXCITING! |
| 265 | OH, GOD, WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO BET? |
| 266 | OH, OKAY. WELL, I THINK WE SHOULD LET PHOEBE DECIDE |
| 267 | BECAUSE SHE'S THE ONLY ONE WHO'S IMPARTIAL |
| 268 | AND SHE'S SO PRETTY. |
| 269 | OKAY. |
| 270 | UM... OOH, OOH... |
| 271 | OH, I HAVE A GAME! |
| 272 | OH, THIS IS GREAT! |
| 273 | WHAT'S THE GAME, WHAT'S THE GAME? |
| 274 | WELL, IT DOESN'T HAVE A NAME. |
| 275 | NO, OKAY: "PHOEBE BALL." |
| 276 | ( chuckling ) |
| 277 | NO, IT DOESN'T HAVE A NAME. |
| 278 | UM... OKAY, MONICA, WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE THING |
| 279 | ABOUT TREES? |
| 280 | THEY'RE GREEN? GOOD! GOOD! FIVE POINTS! |
| 281 | ALL RIGHT! |
| 282 | Phoebe: GREAT! ALL RIGHT |
| 283 | JOEY... |
| 284 | SAME QUESTION. |
| 285 | UH... OH! |
| 286 | HMM. THEY'RE TALL. |
| 287 | OOH! THREE POINTS. |
| 288 | NO. BOTH FINE ANSWERS |
| 289 | BUT WE WERE LOOKING FOR "LEAFY." |
| 290 | "LEAFY." |
| 291 | THAT'S NOT EVEN A GAME. |
| 292 | SHUT UP! WE'RE WINNING. |
| 293 | YOU WANT TO FINISH THIS RIGHT NOW? |
| 294 | WE GET A DECK OF CARDS. |
| 295 | HIGH CARD WINS. WHAT DO YOU SAY? |
| 296 | FINE. LET'S DO IT. |
| 297 | OOH! I HAVE CARDS. OH, GOOD. |
| 298 | YEAH! HERE. |
| 299 | OH, NO. THESE ARE THE TRICK DECK. |
| 300 | OKAY... HERE, YES. OKAY. |
| 301 | OKAY, YOU GUYS... YOU GUYS PICK FIRST. |
| 302 | OKAY. |
| 303 | FOUR. THAT'S A LOW ONE-NAH! |
| 304 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 305 | PHOEBE, YOU LOOK. I CAN'T DO IT. |
| 306 | WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I CAN?! |
| 307 | OKAY, OKAY. |
| 308 | ACE! |
| 309 | ( screaming ) ( screaming ) |
| 310 | WHY ARE YOU SCREAMING AND HUGGING? |
| 311 | WE WON OUR APARTMENT BACK! |
| 312 | Joey: WHAT? |
| 313 | ACE IS HIGH: JACK, QUEEN, KING, ACE. |
| 314 | NO, ACE IS LOW: ACE, TWO, THREE, FOUR. |
| 315 | I DON'T KNOW. |
| 316 | BUT, BUT, OOH! |
| 317 | OOH! |
| 318 | LOOKIT! AH! |
| 319 | PICK AGAIN, PICK AGAIN! |
| 320 | ALL RIGHT, GIMME, GIMME. |
| 321 | OKAY. OKAY. |
| 322 | COME ON, APARTMENT! |
| 323 | COME ON, APARTMENT! |
| 324 | ( sighing ) |
| 325 | ( whooping ) |
| 326 | I KNOW QUEEN IS HIGH! |
| 327 | AH, NOT AS HIGH AS... |
| 328 | IT WORKED! KING! |
| 329 | WE WIN! ( laughing ) |
| 330 | ( whooping ) |
| 331 | WE PICK AGAIN, WE PICK AGAIN! |
| 332 | WHY? I DON'T KNOW. |
| 333 | TICKETS, PLEASE. |
| 334 | ( frustrated groan ) |
| 335 | THAT'S COURTSIDE, BABY! |
| 336 | ( laughing ): YEAH! |
| 337 | SERIOUSLY, GOOD GAME, THOUGH! |
| 338 | GOOD GAME... |
| 339 | WHAT ARE THEY SO MAD ABOUT? |
| 340 | THEY GOT THE APARTMENT BACK. |
| 341 | NO, THEY DIDN'T. |
| 342 | ( door opens and shuts ) |
| 343 | HEY. |
| 344 | PACKED WHILE YOU WERE GONE. |
| 345 | I LEFT SOME KNICKERS UNDER YOUR PILLOW. |
| 346 | MOVE IN WITH ME. |
| 347 | WHAT? |
| 348 | DON'T BE SCARED. |
| 349 | I-I KNOW IT SOUNDS CRAZY |
| 350 | AND PEOPLE WILL SAY IT'S TOO SOON |
| 351 | BUT JUST, JUST THINK. |
| 352 | THINK HOW GREAT IT WOULD BE. |
| 353 | OH... |
| 354 | I DON'T KNOW. |
| 355 | ( sighing ) |
| 356 | OH, LEAVING LONDON. UH... |
| 357 | MY WHOLE FAMILY LIVES THERE. |
| 358 | MY JOB. |
| 359 | WELL, SO YOU'LL GET A JOB HERE. |
| 360 | I MEAN, I'M ALWAYS HEARING |
| 361 | ABOUT THEM FOREIGNERS COMING IN AND STEALING AMERICAN JOBS. |
| 362 | THAT COULD BE YOU. |
| 363 | YEAH, BUT I-IT'S MY WHOLE LIFE. |
| 364 | YOU COME TO ENGLAND. |
| 365 | NO, I CAN'T. |
| 366 | I WOULD, I REALLY WOULD, BUT MY SON IS HERE. |
| 367 | I CAN'T LEAVE HIM. |
| 368 | YOU DON'T THINK THERE'S ANY WAY? |
| 369 | OH, I DON'T THINK SO. |
| 370 | I MEAN, IT WOULD BE DIFFERENT IF IT WAS WAY INTO THE FUTURE |
| 371 | AND, AND WE WERE GETTING MARRIED, OR SOMETHING. |
| 372 | WHAT? |
| 373 | OH. NO. NO, RIGHT. |
| 374 | UH, I SHOULDN'T HAVE SAID "MARRIED." |
| 375 | UH, PLEASE DON'T GET FREAKY ON ME. |
| 376 | UH... I DIDN'T MEAN IT. |
| 377 | I TAKE IT BACK. |
| 378 | NO, NO, DON'T. |
| 379 | WHY DON'T WE? |
| 380 | WHY DON'T WE WHAT? |
| 381 | ( nervous laugh ) |
| 382 | GET MARRIED. |
| 383 | YOU ARE MAD. |
| 384 | NO, NO! I'M NOT. |
| 385 | IT'S-IT'S-IT'S PERFECT! |
| 386 | I MEAN, IT'S BETTER THAN YOU JUST MOVING HERE |
| 387 | 'CAUSE IT'S US TOGETHER FOREVER |
| 388 | AND THAT'S, THAT'S WHAT I WANT. |
| 389 | WE'VE ONLY KNOWN EACH OTHER FOR SIX WEEKS. |
| 390 | I KNOW. SO WHAT? |
| 391 | I MEAN, WHO'S TO SAY? |
| 392 | DOES THAT MEAN WE, WE CAN'T DO IT? |
| 393 | LOOK, I WAS WITH CAROL FOR FOUR YEARS |
| 394 | BEFORE WE GOT MARRIED |
| 395 | AND I WOUND UP DIVORCED FROM A PREGNANT LESBIAN. |
| 396 | I MEAN, THIS... |
| 397 | THIS MAKES SENSE FOR US. |
| 398 | COME ON! I MEAN, OUR FIRST DATE |
| 399 | WE ENDED UP SPENDING THE WHOLE WEEKEND IN VERMONT. |
| 400 | I MEAN, LAST NIGHT, I GOT MY EAR PIERCED. |
| 401 | ME! |
| 402 | ( laughing ) |
| 403 | IT JUST FEELS RIGHT. |
| 404 | DOESN'T IT? |
| 405 | MY PARENTS ARE GOING TO BE REALLY MAD. |
| 406 | IS THAT... ARE YOU SAYING "YES"? |
| 407 | IS THAT "YES"? |
| 408 | YES. |
| 409 | YES! |
| 410 | YES? WE'RE GETTING...? |
| 411 | WE'RE GETTING MARRIED? |
| 412 | OH, MY GOD! |
| 413 | WE'RE GETTING MARRIED! |
| 414 | WE, WE... |
| 415 | COME HERE, COME HERE. |
| 416 | OW! |
| 417 | EMILY, WILL YOU MARRY ME? |
| 418 | YES. |
| 419 | OH, IT'S A BIT SMALL. |
| 420 | DAMN! I THOUGHT THAT WAS GOING TO BE ROMANTIC AS HELL! |
| 421 | IT WAS. |
| 422 | THOSE WERE, LIKE, THE BEST SEATS EVER. |
| 423 | OH, YEAH. HEY! SHOULD WE GIVE THESE SHIRTS TO THE GIRLS |
| 424 | YOU KNOW, KIND OF LIKE A PEACE OFFERING? |
| 425 | YEAH. THAT'S VERY NICE. |
| 426 | PLUS, THEY WERE FREE AND THEY'RE TOO SMALL. |
| 427 | OH... OH, GOD! |
| 428 | HEY, YOU WANT A BEER? |
| 429 | WHOA! |
| 430 | I KNOW! |
| 431 | OPEN UP! OPEN UP! OPEN UP! |
| 432 | WE'LL DISCUSS IT IN THE MORNING. |
| 433 | WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON? |
| 434 | WE TOOK OUR APARTMENT BACK. |
| 435 | I HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH IT. |
| 436 | OKAY. IT WAS MY IDEA |
| 437 | BUT I DON'T FEEL GOOD ABOUT IT. |
| 438 | OH! OH! |
| 439 | WE ARE SWITCHING BACK RIGHT NOW. |
| 440 | NO, WE'RE NOT. WE'RE NOT LEAVING. |
| 441 | WELL, YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO LEAVE SOMETIME |
| 442 | BECAUSE YOU BOTH HAVE JOBS |
| 443 | AND AS SOON AS YOU DO, WE'RE SWITCHING IT BACK. |
| 444 | THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN DO TO STOP US, RIGHT, JOE? |
| 445 | I DON'T KNOW. I... |
| 446 | WHAT?! |
| 447 | I DON'T WANT TO MOVE AGAIN. |
| 448 | ( mumbling ) |
| 449 | I DON'T CARE. |
| 450 | THIS IS OUR APARTMENT AND THEY STOLE-- |
| 451 | YOU STOLE!-- OUR APARTMENT. |
| 452 | WE WON THAT APARTMENT FAIR AND SQUARE TWICE |
| 453 | AND I AM GETTING IT BACK RIGHT NOW. |
| 454 | I'M GETTING IT BACK RIGHT NOW! |
| 455 | ALL RIGHT... |
| 456 | WE FIGURED YOU MIGHT RESPOND THIS WAY |
| 457 | SO WE HAVE A BACKUP OFFER. |
| 458 | OH, NO, NO, NO. NO MORE OFFERS. |
| 459 | YOU CAN'T OFFER ANYTHING TO US. |
| 460 | LET US KEEP THE APARTMENT AND... |
| 461 | AS A THANK YOU... |
| 462 | RACHEL AND I WILL KISS FOR ONE MINUTE. |
| 463 | TOTALLY WORTH IT. |
| 464 | THAT WAS ONE GOOD MINUTE. |
| 465 | GOOD NIGHT. GOOD NIGHT. |
| 466 | MEN ARE SUCH IDIOTS. |
| 467 | I KNOW. CAN YOU BELIEVE SOMETHING THAT STUPID |
| 468 | ACTUALLY GOT US OUR APARTMENT BACK? |
| 469 | IT'S SO FUNNY TO THINK-- |
| 470 | IF YOU HAD JUST DONE THAT AFTER THE LAST CONTEST |
| 471 | NO ONE WOULD'VE HAD TO MOVE AT ALL. |
| 472 | L-L-LET'S PRETEND THAT'S NOT TRUE. |
| 473 | YEAH. |
| 474 | OKAY... SCARF'S DONE. |
| 475 | COME ON, COME ON, COME ON. |
| 476 | OKAY. |
| 477 | HI. |
| 478 | HEY. HEY. |
| 479 | WHAT'S GOING ON? |
| 480 | ROSS HAS SOME BIG THING TO TELL EVERYONE. |
| 481 | UH... UH, OKAY... |
| 482 | IT'S, UH... |
| 483 | EMILY AND I... |
| 484 | WE DECIDED TO, UH... TO GET MARRIED. |
| 485 | WHAT?! |
| 486 | OH! ARE YOU PREGNANT, TOO? |
| 487 | UH, NO. |
| 488 | WHEN... WHEN DID...? |
| 489 | HOW... HOW DID YOU...? |
| 490 | WE-WE JUST DECIDED TO... TO GO FOR IT. |
| 491 | I MEAN, WE KNOW IT'S A BIT HASTY |
| 492 | BUT, UH... |
| 493 | IT JUST FEELS SO RIGHT, SO... |
| 494 | UM... I WAS JUST TELLING THE GUYS... |
| 495 | YEAH. I... I HEARD. |
| 496 | I THINK IT'S GREAT! |
| 497 | I'M SO HAPPY FOR YOU. |
| 498 | WELL, YEAH... CONGRATULATIONS. |
| 499 | OH, YEAH, YEAH. |
| 500 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 501 | I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE GETTING MARRIED. |
| 502 | YEAH. |
| 503 | MONICA AND RACHEL MADE OUT. |
| 504 | Singing Guy: ♪ MORNING'S HERE ♪ |
| 505 | ♪ THE MORNING'S HERE ♪ |
| 506 | Both: ♪ SUNSHINE IS HERE ♪ |
| 507 | ♪ THE SKY IS CLEAR ♪ |
| 508 | ♪ THE MORNING'S HERE... ♪ |
| 509 | HEY! YOU'RE BACK! |
| 510 | HEY! ♪ GET INTO GEAR ♪ |
| 511 | ♪ BREAKFAST IS NEAR ♪ |
| 512 | ♪ THE DARK OF NIGHT HAS DISAPPEARED ♪ |
| 513 | I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW MORNING. OKAY. |
| 514 | |
| 1 | ( snoring loudly ) |
| 2 | ARE YOU KIDDING ME? |
| 3 | JOEY. JOEY. |
| 4 | JOEY. JOEY, JOEY, JOEY, JOEY, JOEY... |
| 5 | JOEY... JOEY... JOEY. |
| 6 | JOEY. JOEY! |
| 7 | ( whispers ): ALL RIGHT! |
| 8 | ( resumes snoring ) |
| 9 | OH, OH, DID-DID... DID I WAKE YOU? |
| 10 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 11 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 12 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 13 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 14 | ♪ WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY ♪ |
| 15 | ♪ YOUR WEEK, YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 16 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 17 | ♪ WHEN THE RAIN STARTS TO POUR ♪ |
| 18 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 19 | ♪ LIKE I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE ♪ |
| 20 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 21 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME, TOO. ♪ |
| 22 | GUNTHER, COULD I GET ANOTHER CUP OF COFFEE, PLEASE? |
| 23 | SO, UH, WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU'RE NOT WORKING HERE? |
| 24 | YOU DON'T NEED TO FILL THESE SILENCES. |
| 25 | OH, OKAY, THANKS. |
| 26 | CHANDLER, THAT'S, LIKE |
| 27 | YOUR FOURTH CUP OF COFFEE. |
| 28 | I AM DRINKING LOTS BECAUSE I AM EXHAUSTED |
| 29 | BECAUSE JOEY STARTED SNORING. |
| 30 | HE'S IN A DIFFERENT ROOM. |
| 31 | HE'S REALLY THAT LOUD? |
| 32 | OH, YOU SHOULD HEAR ME. |
| 33 | IT'S NOTHING TO BE PROUD OF. |
| 34 | YOU HAVE TO GO TO A SLEEP CLINIC. |
| 35 | I TOLD YOU I'M NOT GOING TO ANY CLINIC. |
| 36 | I DON'T HAVE A PROBLEM. YOU'RE THE ONE WITH THE PROBLEM. |
| 37 | YOU SHOULD GO TO A QUIT-BEING-A-BABY- AND-LEAVE-ME-ALONE CLINIC. |
| 38 | THEY DON'T HAVE THOSE. |
| 39 | YEAH, THEY DO. |
| 40 | QUIT BEING A BABY AND LEAVE ME ALONE. |
| 41 | THERE, YOU JUST HAD YOUR FIRST CLASS. |
| 42 | I USED TO GO OUT WITH THIS GUY |
| 43 | THAT WAS A REALLY LIGHT SLEEPER |
| 44 | AND WHENEVER I'D START TO SNORE |
| 45 | HE'D JUST ROLL ME OVER... |
| 46 | OH, YEAH... |
| 47 | HE WOULD JUST ROLL ME OVER |
| 48 | AND I WOULD STOP SNORING. |
| 49 | NEXT TIME YOU SNORE, I'M ROLLING YOU OVER. |
| 50 | I GOT TO DO WHAT I GOT TO DO. |
| 51 | YOU GOT TO DO WHAT YOU GOT TO DO. JUST DO IT. |
| 52 | HEY, GUYS. |
| 53 | HEY. HEY. |
| 54 | ( humming "The Wedding March" ) |
| 55 | OH, THE OLYMPICS. |
| 56 | HAVE YOU GUYS PICKED A DATE? |
| 57 | HUH? OH, NO, NOT YET. |
| 58 | I STILL CANNOT BELIEVE YOU'RE ENGAGED. |
| 59 | JUST 'CAUSE IT'S HAPPENING SO FAST, |
| 60 | NOT 'CAUSE YOU'RE SUCH A LOSER. |
| 61 | THANKS. UH, HAS ANYONE SEEN RACH? |
| 62 | OH, SHE'S UPSTAIRS NOT DOING THE DISHES. |
| 63 | AND I'LL TELL YOU SOMETHING. |
| 64 | YOU KNOW, I'M NOT DOING THEM THIS TIME. |
| 65 | I DON'T CARE IF THOSE DISHES JUST SIT IN THE SINK |
| 66 | UNTIL THEY'RE ALL COVERED WITH... |
| 67 | I'LL DO THEM WHEN I GET HOME. |
| 68 | YEAH. OH, HEY, LISTEN |
| 69 | EMILY FOUND THIS WEDDING DRESS IN LONDON... |
| 70 | ALREADY? |
| 71 | YEAH, BUT IT DIDN'T FIT. |
| 72 | LUCKILY, A STORE HERE HAS ONE LEFT IN HER SIZE |
| 73 | BUT I'M THE GROOM-- I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO SEE THE DRESS... |
| 74 | I'LL PICK IT UP FOR YOU. THANK YOU. |
| 75 | BRO, SHE'S GOT YOU RUNNING ERRANDS |
| 76 | YOU KNOW, PICKING UP WEDDING DRESSES... |
| 77 | WAH-PAH! |
| 78 | WHAT'S "WAH-PAH"? |
| 79 | YOU KNOW-- WHIPPED. |
| 80 | WAH-PAH! |
| 81 | THAT'S NOT "WHIPPED." |
| 82 | "WHIPPED" IS... |
| 83 | WA-TSSH! |
| 84 | THAT'S WHAT I DID. |
| 85 | WAH-PAH! |
| 86 | YOU CAN'T DO ANYTHING! |
| 87 | ( footsteps approaching ) |
| 88 | HEY, MON... |
| 89 | I WAS JUST DOING THESE DISHES... |
| 90 | HEY. OH. |
| 91 | OH. IT'S YOU. HI. |
| 92 | HEY, DO YOU HAVE A MINUTE? |
| 93 | YEAH, YEAH. I WAS JUST GOING TO TAKE A BREAK ANYWAY SO... |
| 94 | WHEW! |
| 95 | SO, LISTEN, UH... I KNOW YOU AND I |
| 96 | HAVEN'T REALLY HAD A CHANCE TO TALK |
| 97 | SINCE, UH... EMILY AND I DECIDED TO GET MARRIED |
| 98 | AND I WAS JUST WONDERING HOW YOU WERE. |
| 99 | ( clears throat ) OH. |
| 100 | I MEAN, I KNOW IF YOU WERE GETTING MARRIED |
| 101 | UH, I MEAN, I WOULD FEEL, UM, KIND OF... |
| 102 | YOU KNOW? UH... |
| 103 | YEAH, YEAH. IT DEF... |
| 104 | IT DEFINITELY, UH, TOOK ME BY SURPRISE |
| 105 | BUT, YOU KNOW, UH... I'M OKAY. |
| 106 | YEAH? YEAH, YOU KNOW. I'M OKAY. |
| 107 | ALL RIGHT. I JUST WANTED TO CHECK. |
| 108 | OH, THAT'S SWEET. THANK YOU. |
| 109 | ( both chuckle ) |
| 110 | YOU'RE GREAT. |
| 111 | AND I-I KNOW SOMEDAY THIS WILL HAPPEN |
| 112 | FOR YOU, TOO. |
| 113 | YOU JUST HANG IN THERE. |
| 114 | UH... |
| 115 | ( chuckles ) |
| 116 | "HANG IN THERE"? |
| 117 | OH, NO, I-I DIDN'T MEAN, UH... |
| 118 | I MEAN, MAYBE YOU HAVE NOT HEARD OF A LITTLE |
| 119 | SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP CALLED "ME AND JOSHUA"? |
| 120 | OH. UH, I THOUGHT YOU GUYS |
| 121 | HAD JUST BEEN ON, LIKE, FOUR DATES. |
| 122 | I DIDN'T REALIZE THAT HAD... |
| 123 | BECOME ANYTHING. |
| 124 | OH, YEAH. NO, OH, NO; OH, NO, THAT HAS BECOME. |
| 125 | OH. IT HAS. YEAH. |
| 126 | OH, NO, THOSE WERE FOUR GREAT DATES. |
| 127 | OH. YEAH? |
| 128 | OH, YEAH. OH, I MEAN, AND THE CONNECTION? |
| 129 | I MEAN, YOU KNOW... |
| 130 | EMOTIONALLY, MENTALLY, YOU KNOW? |
| 131 | PHYSICALLY. |
| 132 | WOW, THAT'S-THAT'S-THAT'S INCREDIBLE. |
| 133 | I KNOW. ISN'T IT? |
| 134 | IT'S LIKE I'M RIGHT THERE WITH JOSHUA; |
| 135 | YOU ARE RIGHT THERE WITH EMILY; |
| 136 | AND IT'S, YOU KNOW, IT'S KIND OF LIKE... |
| 137 | IT'S A TIE. |
| 138 | ( chuckles ) |
| 139 | YEAH, WELL, I GOT TO GET... |
| 140 | I GOT TO GET BACK TO MY DISHES. |
| 141 | I GOT TO GET TO WORK. OH, YEAH. OKAY. |
| 142 | ( clearing throat ) |
| 143 | HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD MAKE ME REALLY HAPPY? |
| 144 | OH, YOU KNOW, WHAT'S THAT? |
| 145 | IF, LIKE, THE FOUR OF US |
| 146 | COULD ALL, YOU KNOW, HANG OUT TOGETHER. |
| 147 | IN FACT, EMILY'S COMING INTO TOWN THIS WEEKEND. |
| 148 | WHAT DO YOU SAY WE ALL HAVE DINNER, SAY, SUNDAY NIGHT? |
| 149 | THAT WOULD BE GREAT! |
| 150 | YEAH? |
| 151 | ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. IT'S A DATE. |
| 152 | YEAH. |
| 153 | "HANG IN THERE." |
| 154 | YOU HANG IN THERE. |
| 155 | ( gasps ) |
| 156 | YOU SAY SOMETHING? |
| 157 | NO, I WAS JUST SINGING. |
| 158 | ♪ LA-LA-LA, LA-LA-LA-LA... ♪ |
| 159 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 160 | ( both gasp ) |
| 161 | OH, LOOK AT THIS ONE. |
| 162 | WOW. |
| 163 | OH, IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL. |
| 164 | YEAH, OOH... |
| 165 | WELL, YOU KNOW, ABOUT HALF OF THESE |
| 166 | ARE GOING TO END UP GETTING DIVORCED. |
| 167 | MAY I HELP YOU, LADIES? |
| 168 | YES, I'M HERE TO PICK UP A DRESS |
| 169 | THAT YOU HAVE ON HOLD. |
| 170 | WHAT'S THE NAME, PLEASE? |
| 171 | EMILY WALTHAM. |
| 172 | OH, YES, I HAVE IT RIGHT HERE. |
| 173 | ( Monica gasps ) |
| 174 | OH, MY... |
| 175 | WOULD YOU LIKE TO TRY IT ON, MISS WALTHAM? |
| 176 | ( both giggle ) |
| 177 | OKAY. |
| 178 | YOU'RE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL BRIDE I'VE EVER SEEN. |
| 179 | I AM, AREN'T I? |
| 180 | YEAH. |
| 181 | ( sighs ) |
| 182 | MISS WALTHAM. |
| 183 | YES? |
| 184 | WE'RE CLOSING. |
| 185 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 186 | AND COULD I GET MY RING BACK? |
| 187 | ( snoring ) |
| 188 | ALL RIGHT, BUDDY. |
| 189 | TIME TO ROLL OVER. |
| 190 | NO, NO! NO, NO, NO, NO, NO! |
| 191 | YOU ARE GOING TO A CLINIC. |
| 192 | YOU'RE GOING TO A CLINIC... |
| 193 | AND A PAJAMA STORE. |
| 194 | DOES SHE USE THE CUPS? |
| 195 | YES, I BELIEVE SHE DOES. |
| 196 | DOES SHE USE THE PLATES? |
| 197 | YES, I BELIEVE SHE DOES. |
| 198 | HMM. |
| 199 | ( chuckles ) |
| 200 | THANK YOU. |
| 201 | AW... THANK YOU VERY MUCH. |
| 202 | OH, WELL, THANK YOU FOR COMING. |
| 203 | ( knock at door ) |
| 204 | UH, JUST A SECOND! |
| 205 | Phoebe: NO, NO, LET ME IN. |
| 206 | PHOEBE? |
| 207 | YEAH. |
| 208 | CAN YOU HOLD ON JUST ONE MINUTE? |
| 209 | NO, YOU HAVE TO LET ME IN RIGHT NOW! |
| 210 | ARE YOU ALONE? |
| 211 | YES. |
| 212 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 213 | ( giggles ) |
| 214 | ( both scream ) |
| 215 | THIS SUCKS. |
| 216 | I DIDN'T KNOW I HAD TO STAY UP ALL NIGHT |
| 217 | BEFORE I GO TO THIS STUPID SLEEP CLINIC. |
| 218 | I'M SO TIRED. |
| 219 | IT'S 6:00. |
| 220 | HI. |
| 221 | HEY, I HEAR YOU AND JOSHUA |
| 222 | ARE GOING OUT TO DINNER WITH ROSS AND EMILY. |
| 223 | I THINK THAT'S-- I THINK THAT'S REALLY COOL. |
| 224 | YEAH, RACHEL, I THINK YOU'RE HANDLING THAT REALLY WELL. |
| 225 | WHAT DO YOU MEAN, "HANDLING" IT? |
| 226 | THERE'S NOTHING TO HANDLE. |
| 227 | YOU KNOW, MAYBE I WOULD HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THIS |
| 228 | IF IT WASN'T FOR ME AND JOSHUA. |
| 229 | YOU KNOW, THEY'RE NOT GOING TO GET MARRIED ANYWAY. |
| 230 | WHAT? |
| 231 | COME ON. THEY RUSHED INTO THIS THING SO FAST |
| 232 | IT'S RIDICULOUS. |
| 233 | THEY'RE GOING TO BE ENGAGED FOR, LIKE, WHAT, A YEAR? |
| 234 | ONE OF THEM WILL REALIZE WHAT THEY'VE DONE |
| 235 | AND THEY'LL CALL THE WHOLE THING OFF. |
| 236 | YOU'RE GOING TO BE DANCING AT MY WEDDING |
| 237 | BEFORE YOU'RE DANCING AT THEIRS. |
| 238 | YEAH, WELL, I DON'T DANCE AT WEDDINGS. |
| 239 | WHY NOT? |
| 240 | BECAUSE WEDDINGS ARE A GREAT PLACE TO MEET WOMEN |
| 241 | AND WHEN I DANCE, I LOOK LIKE THIS: |
| 242 | HEY, MAN. HEY. |
| 243 | SO, WHAT'RE YOU GUYS DOING FOUR WEEKS FROM TODAY? |
| 244 | NOTHING. NOTHING. |
| 245 | I AM... |
| 246 | FREE. |
| 247 | GREAT, BECAUSE EMILY AND I ARE GETTING MARRIED IN A MONTH. |
| 248 | WHAT? WHAT? |
| 249 | YEP. |
| 250 | IN A MONTH? YEAH. |
| 251 | YOU MEAN, 30 DAYS? |
| 252 | YEAH. |
| 253 | FROM NOW. |
| 254 | YEAH. |
| 255 | OH, THAT'S GREAT! YEAH. |
| 256 | EMILY ALWAYS WANTED TO GET MARRIED IN THIS BEAUTIFUL PLACE |
| 257 | THAT HER PARENTS GOT MARRIED |
| 258 | BUT IT'S GOING TO BE TORN DOWN, SO... |
| 259 | I MEAN, I-I KNOW IT'S CRAZY, |
| 260 | BUT EVERYTHING UP TILL NOW HAS BEEN SO CRAZY |
| 261 | AND, I DON'T KNOW-- IT JUST FEELS RIGHT, YOU KNOW? |
| 262 | HEY... |
| 263 | THAT'S THE DAY AFTER I START MENSTRUATING. |
| 264 | THIS ISN'T MINE. |
| 265 | ( clears throat ) HEY, RACHEL. |
| 266 | HI. |
| 267 | WHAT'S UP? |
| 268 | YOUR VOICE SOUNDED ALL SQUEAKY ON THE PHONE. |
| 269 | OH... NOTHING. |
| 270 | I JUST WANTED TO SEE YOU. |
| 271 | SEE YOU AND HUG YOU. |
| 272 | S-SEE YOU... |
| 273 | GREAT. |
| 274 | YEAH, SO... |
| 275 | SIT. |
| 276 | ( clears throat ) |
| 277 | ( sighs ) |
| 278 | YOU OKAY? |
| 279 | I'M MORE THAN OKAY. |
| 280 | I AM REALLY, REALLY HAPPY. |
| 281 | WANT TO KNOW WHY? |
| 282 | DO I? |
| 283 | 'CAUSE I AM REALLY HAPPY ABOUT US. |
| 284 | I THINK WE ARE... |
| 285 | I THINK WE ARE SO ON THE RIGHT TRACK. |
| 286 | YOU KNOW? I MEAN I THINK WE ARE WORKING IT. |
| 287 | I THINK WE ARE CLICKING. |
| 288 | YOU KNOW? |
| 289 | YEAH, SURE, SURE. |
| 290 | YEAH, WE'RE-WE'RE- WE'RE CLICKING. |
| 291 | YEAH, YEAH, YOU KNOW |
| 292 | IF-IF THERE WAS JUST, LIKE, ONE LITTLE AREA WHERE... |
| 293 | THAT I THINK WE-WE WOULD NEED TO WORK ON... |
| 294 | I-I WOULD THINK IT WAS |
| 295 | THAT WE'RE JUST NOT CRAZY ENOUGH. |
| 296 | I-I GOT TO SAY I'M NOT TOO SURE I AGREE WITH THAT. |
| 297 | WELL, YEAH, RIGHT, YOU KNOW, YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT. |
| 298 | I MEAN, WE... YOU KNOW, WE HAVE OUR FUN, YEAH... |
| 299 | BUT, IT'S... WE'RE JU... |
| 300 | I MEAN, I MEAN, I MEAN, LIKE, CRAZY, YOU KNOW? |
| 301 | OKAY, ALL RIGHT. |
| 302 | THIS IS GOING TO... THIS IS GOING TO SOUND, YOU KNOW |
| 303 | A LITTLE, UM... HASTY, BUT, UH, JUST GO WITH ME. |
| 304 | ( clears throat ) |
| 305 | ( sighs ) |
| 306 | WHAT IF WE GOT MARRIED? |
| 307 | WHAT? |
| 308 | OH, I KNOW, I KNOW. IT'S SO... |
| 309 | IT'S SO TOTALLY, LIKE |
| 310 | WHOA, CAN WE DO THIS? |
| 311 | YOU KNOW, I MEAN... BUT I MEAN, IT JUST FEELS RIGHT. |
| 312 | DON'T YOU THINK? IT DOES. |
| 313 | I MEAN, IT JUST FEELS RIGHT, DON'T... |
| 314 | ( whimpering ) |
| 315 | ( sighs ) |
| 316 | WOW, UH... |
| 317 | RACHEL, UM, YOU'RE... |
| 318 | A REAL... SPECIAL LADY... |
| 319 | BUT... |
| 320 | MY DIVORCE ISN'T FINAL YET |
| 321 | AN-AN-AND WE'VE BEEN ON FOUR DATES. |
| 322 | SO... |
| 323 | I'M THINKING... |
| 324 | NO... |
| 325 | BUT... |
| 326 | THANKS. |
| 327 | YOU IDIOT! |
| 328 | YOUR NAME, PLEASE? JOEY TRIBBIANI. |
| 329 | MM-HMM. DID YOU STAY UP ALL NIGHT IN PREPARATION |
| 330 | FOR YOUR SLEEP STUDY? |
| 331 | UH, SIR? |
| 332 | ( snoring ) |
| 333 | YES, HE DID. |
| 334 | ALL RIGHT, WE'LL CALL YOU IN A FEW MINUTES. |
| 335 | OKAY. |
| 336 | OH. |
| 337 | CHECK OUT THAT GIRL. SHE'S REALLY HOT. |
| 338 | YEAH, SHE IS. |
| 339 | WOW. |
| 340 | HOW YOU DOING? |
| 341 | WHAT?! |
| 342 | YOU'RE COMING ON TO THE ENTIRE ROOM. |
| 343 | I'M CHANDLER. |
| 344 | MARJORIE. HI. |
| 345 | DO YOU MIND IF I SIT? NO. PLEASE. |
| 346 | SO, UH, WHAT ARE YOU IN FOR? |
| 347 | I-I TALK IN MY SLEEP. |
| 348 | WHAT A COINCIDENCE; I LISTEN IN MY SLEEP. |
| 349 | ( laughing ) |
| 350 | SO WHY DON'T YOU GIVE ME YOUR NUMBER? |
| 351 | READY? YEAH. |
| 352 | OKAY. |
| 353 | I GOT IT! MINE! |
| 354 | ( screams ) |
| 355 | CONGRATULATIONS! |
| 356 | ( laughing ) |
| 357 | OKAY... |
| 358 | MY TURN! MY TURN! |
| 359 | OKAY. |
| 360 | OKAY, READY? |
| 361 | YEAH. |
| 362 | OKAY. |
| 363 | THAT WAS A TERRIBLE THROW! |
| 364 | WELL, I'M NOT GOING TO THROW IT RIGHT TO YOU. |
| 365 | THAT'S NOT REAL. |
| 366 | LOOK AT ME. |
| 367 | MY BIG CONCERN IS WHAT'S REAL? |
| 368 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 369 | WE'RE REALLY SAD, AREN'T WE? |
| 370 | YEAH, I THINK WE ARE. |
| 371 | THIS ISN'T EVEN MY DRESS. |
| 372 | YEAH, WELL, AT LEAST YOU DIDN'T RENT YOURS |
| 373 | FROM A STORE CALLED "IT'S NOT TOO LATE." |
| 374 | I'M CHANGING OUT OF THIS. |
| 375 | ME, TOO. |
| 376 | IN, LIKE, A HALF AN HOUR? |
| 377 | ME, TOO. |
| 378 | OKAY. ALL RIGHT, NOW |
| 379 | THROW IT STRAIGHT THIS TIME. |
| 380 | OKAY. OKAY. |
| 381 | I'M GETTING MARRIED NEXT! |
| 382 | YAY! |
| 383 | I HATE MY REGULAR CLOTHES NOW, YOU KNOW? |
| 384 | IT'S LIKE I LOOK DOWN AND-AND I KNOW |
| 385 | THIS ISN'T GOING TO BE THE MOST SPECIAL DAY |
| 386 | OF MY LIFE. |
| 387 | YEAH, I MEAN, IT WAS KIND OF FUN FOR A WHILE |
| 388 | BUT DIDN'T YOU START FEELING KIND OF SILLY? |
| 389 | I GUESS. |
| 390 | YEAH. |
| 391 | OH, MY GOD! |
| 392 | OH! |
| 393 | YOU'RE SUCH A CHEATER! |
| 394 | HELLO, LITTLE ONES. |
| 395 | HEY... HEY... |
| 396 | SO IS JOEY GOING TO STOP SNORING? |
| 397 | YEP, AND A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN AGREED TO GO OUT WITH ME.' |
| 398 | JOEY WANTED TO ASK HER OUT |
| 399 | BUT, UH, YOU KNOW, SHE PICKED ME. |
| 400 | OH, HOW'D THAT HAPPEN? |
| 401 | BECAUSE I'M COOLER. |
| 402 | NO, SERIOUSLY. |
| 403 | WELL, SHE'S, YOU KNOW, SHE'S THE KIND OF GIRL... |
| 404 | JOEY WAS UNCONSCIOUS. |
| 405 | ( mumbling ): HEY, YOU GUYS, WHAT'S HAPPENING? |
| 406 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 407 | WHAT IS THAT? |
| 408 | OH... THEY GAVE IT TO ME AT THE SLEEP CLINIC |
| 409 | AND IT'S GOING TO HELP ME NOT TO SNORE. |
| 410 | WELL, ARE YOU ASLEEP RIGHT NOW, JOE? |
| 411 | 'CAUSE I DON'T THINK YOU HAVE TO WEAR IT UNLESS YOU ARE. |
| 412 | I KNOW I DON'T HAVE TO. |
| 413 | IT TASTES GOOD. |
| 414 | PLUS, YOU LOOK COOL. |
| 415 | WELL, I JUST CALLED JOSHUA. |
| 416 | OH, HOW'D IT GO? |
| 417 | WELL, I DID MY BEST TO CONVINCE HIM |
| 418 | THAT I'M NOT SOME CRAZY GIRL |
| 419 | WHO IS DYING TO GET MARRIED-- |
| 420 | THAT I'M JUST GOING THROUGH A HARD TIME. |
| 421 | WHAT'D HE SAY? |
| 422 | WELL, UH, HIS ANSWERING MACHINE |
| 423 | WAS VERY UNDERSTANDING. |
| 424 | ( sighs ) |
| 425 | I FEEL BLUE. |
| 426 | AW, SWEETIE, OH... |
| 427 | HONEY, I'LL BET YOU ANYTHING |
| 428 | HE'S GOING TO CALL YOU AGAIN. |
| 429 | YEAH, MAYBE, BUT, YOU KNOW, I DON'T THINK I EVEN CARE. |
| 430 | I DON'T THINK... HE'S THE ONE I'M SAD ABOUT. |
| 431 | YOU KNOW, I KNOW THAT I SAID |
| 432 | I AM TOTALLY OKAY WITH ROSS GETTING MARRIED |
| 433 | BUT AS IT TURNS OUT |
| 434 | I DON'T THINK I AM HANDLING IT ALL THAT WELL. |
| 435 | YEAH, MAYBE. |
| 436 | AN-AND I'M JUST TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHY. |
| 437 | ANY LUCK? |
| 438 | YEAH, I MEAN, YOU KNOW, HOW ROSS AND I |
| 439 | HAVE ALWAYS BEEN ON AGAIN, OFF AGAIN |
| 440 | ON AGAIN, OFF AGAIN? |
| 441 | I GUESS I JUST FIGURED THAT SOMEWHERE DOWN THE ROAD... |
| 442 | WE WOULD BE ON AGAIN... AGAIN. |
| 443 | YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 444 | I THINK WE ALL DID. |
| 445 | YEAH. |
| 446 | HEY. |
| 447 | HEY. HEY. |
| 448 | SO, GOT US RESERVATIONS FOR SUNDAY NIGHT, OKAY? |
| 449 | HOW ABOUT ERNIE'S AT 9:00? |
| 450 | YEAH, WELL, YOU, UH, BETTER MAKE IT FOR THREE. |
| 451 | OH, SEE, I-I DON'T KNOW |
| 452 | IF WE'RE GOING TO BE HUNGRY AT 3:00. |
| 453 | THREE PEOPLE. |
| 454 | JOSHUA'S NOT GOING TO BE THERE. |
| 455 | WHAT HAPPENED? |
| 456 | UM, WELL, I THINK-- I THINK HE BROKE UP WITH ME. |
| 457 | NO. WHY? |
| 458 | WELL... APPARENTLY, HE SCARES EASY. |
| 459 | OH, RACHEL, I'M SORRY. |
| 460 | WELL... THAT'S OKAY. |
| 461 | SOMETIMES... THINGS DON'T WORK OUT |
| 462 | THE WAY YOU THOUGHT THEY WOULD. |
| 463 | COME HERE. |
| 464 | OH... |
| 465 | ( sighs ) |
| 466 | WELL, HEY, DON'T YOU HAVE |
| 467 | TO GO PICK UP EMILY? |
| 468 | YEAH. |
| 469 | YEAH. |
| 470 | ARE YOU OKAY? |
| 471 | YEAH. |
| 472 | I GOT MY GIRLS. |
| 473 | OKAY. |
| 474 | UGH. |
| 475 | ( groans ) |
| 476 | OH... |
| 477 | HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT MIGHT CHEER YOU UP? |
| 478 | WHAT? |
| 479 | YOU KNOW, I GOT TO TELL YOU |
| 480 | THIS REALLY DOES PUT ME IN A BETTER MOOD. |
| 481 | MM-HMM. |
| 482 | OH. I WISH THERE WAS A JOB |
| 483 | WHERE I COULD WEAR THIS ALL THE TIME. |
| 484 | MAYBE SOMEDAY THERE WILL BE. |
| 485 | ( knock at door ) |
| 486 | OH, GOD, THAT'S CHANDLER. HE'S GOING TO COME BY |
| 487 | AND BORROW SOME CANDLES FOR HIS BIG DATE. |
| 488 | OH, OKAY. |
| 489 | RACHEL, DON'T GET IT; HE'LL SEE US. |
| 490 | THE GROOM CANNOT SEE THE BRIDE. |
| 491 | YOU'RE NOT GOING TO MARRY CHANDLER. |
| 492 | NOT AFTER THIS. |
| 493 | OKAY, GUYS... JUST RELAX. |
| 494 | I DO... |
| 495 | I GOT TO GO. |
| 496 | OH, NO, JOSHUA... |
| 497 | JOSHUA... |
| 498 | OH... |
| 499 | YEAH, WELL, THAT OUGHT TO DO IT. |
| 500 | |
| 1 | YOU KNOW WHAT? IT SEEMS LIKE ALL OF A SUDDEN |
| 2 | SO MUCH IS HAPPENING. |
| 3 | I KNOW. ROSS IS GETTING MARRIED... |
| 4 | PHOEBE'S... MAKING PEOPLE. |
| 5 | EVERYBODY'S DOING STUFF. |
| 6 | AND WE JUST SIT HERE. |
| 7 | IF I DIED, THE ONLY WAY |
| 8 | PEOPLE WOULD EVEN KNOW THAT I WAS HERE |
| 9 | WOULD BE BY THE ASS PRINT ON THIS CHAIR. |
| 10 | LOOK, WE HAVE TO DO SOMETHING, OKAY? |
| 11 | SOMETHING HUGE. |
| 12 | ( snaps finger ) |
| 13 | WE COULD CLIMB MT. EVEREST. |
| 14 | NO. NOT SOMETHING STUPID-- SOMETHING HUGE. |
| 15 | NO, NO, I SAW AN AD FOR THIS VIDEO. |
| 16 | PEOPLE CLIMB THAT THING EVERY DAY. |
| 17 | WE COULD TOTALLY DO THAT. |
| 18 | WHY NOT? I MEAN, IT'S JUST... IT'S JUST CLIMBING. |
| 19 | IT'S JUST... IT'S JUST STEEP. |
| 20 | YEAH. |
| 21 | WE'RE GOING TO EVEREST, OKAY? |
| 22 | IT'D BE NICE TO LEAVE AN ASS PRINT ON EVEREST. |
| 23 | HEY. HEY. |
| 24 | HEY, WHAT'S UP? |
| 25 | WE'RE GOING TO CLIMB MT. EVEREST. |
| 26 | YEAH, BABY! REALLY. |
| 27 | I LOOKED INTO THAT. |
| 28 | YEAH, BUT I MEAN, IT COSTS, LIKE, $60,000 |
| 29 | AND, YOU KNOW, YOU COULD DIE |
| 30 | AND... YOU WOULD DIE. |
| 31 | OH... WELL. |
| 32 | WE COULD GET THAT EVEREST VIDEO THOUGH. |
| 33 | YEAH, WE COULD DO THAT |
| 34 | WITHOUT, YOU KNOW, RISKING OUR LIVES AT ALL. |
| 35 | AND WHILE WE'RE DOWN AT THE VIDEO STORE |
| 36 | YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE WE COULD RENT? |
| 37 | DIE HARD. |
| 38 | OH, BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 39 | I JUST REMEMBERED THAT EVEREST THING |
| 40 | IS ONLY AVAILABLE THROUGH MAIL ORDER. |
| 41 | OH, WELL. |
| 42 | SO YOU GUYS WILL STAY HERE AND HANG OUT WITH ME? |
| 43 | YEAH. YEAH. |
| 44 | BUT I'LL TELL YOU SOMETHING. |
| 45 | ONE OF THESE DAYS, WE'RE GOING TO GET OFF OUR BUTTS |
| 46 | AND RENT DIE HARD AGAIN. |
| 47 | YEAH, WE ARE! |
| 48 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 49 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 50 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 51 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 52 | ♪ WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY ♪ |
| 53 | ♪ YOUR WEEK, YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 54 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 55 | ♪ WHEN THE RAIN STARTS TO POUR ♪ |
| 56 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 57 | ♪ LIKE I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE ♪ |
| 58 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 59 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME, TOO. ♪ |
| 60 | SO WHAT DID WE DECIDE? |
| 61 | DOES YOUR UNCLE NATHAN GET AN INVITE OR NOT? |
| 62 | OH, GOD, NOBODY LIKES HIM. |
| 63 | AND HE'S SO CHEAP. |
| 64 | I MEAN, HE'D NEVER FLY TO LONDON IN A MILLION YEARS. |
| 65 | YEAH, INVITE HIM. |
| 66 | HEY, DID I DO THESE NEAT ENOUGH? |
| 67 | YEAH. THEY'RE FINE. YEAH? |
| 68 | IF ANYONE ASKS |
| 69 | WE'LL SAY THAT BEN ADDRESSED THEM. |
| 70 | ( chuckles ) |
| 71 | OH. SO YOU INVITED RACHEL, THEN? |
| 72 | SURE. WHY NOT? |
| 73 | REALLY? |
| 74 | YEAH. |
| 75 | WELL, DON'T THINK I'D BE COMFORTABLE |
| 76 | HAVING ANY OF MY OLD LOVERS THERE. |
| 77 | WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. |
| 78 | DO YOU THINK MAYBE WE SHOULDN'T INVITE HER? |
| 79 | OH, NO, NO, ROSS. |
| 80 | YOU KNOW I ABSOLUTELY ADORE RACHEL. |
| 81 | IT'S JUST THAT... |
| 82 | WELL, I THOUGHT IT MIGHT BE A BIT AWKWARD FOR YOU. |
| 83 | BUT IT'S ABSOLUTELY YOUR DECISION. |
| 84 | MORE TEA? YEAH, SURE. |
| 85 | EARL GREY? |
| 86 | HUH? FINE. |
| 87 | INVITE WHOEVER YOU WANT. |
| 88 | I DON'T WANT TO BE SINGLE, OKAY? |
| 89 | I JUST, I JUST, I JUST WANT |
| 90 | TO BE MARRIED AGAIN. |
| 91 | AND I JUST WANT A MILLION DOLLARS! |
| 92 | RACHEL? |
| 93 | OH, GOD, MONICA, HI. |
| 94 | THANK GOD. |
| 95 | Monica: OKAY, EVERYBODY... |
| 96 | THIS IS RACHEL, ANOTHER LINCOLN HIGH SURVIVOR. |
| 97 | THIS IS EVERYBODY. THIS IS CHANDLER |
| 98 | AND PHOEBE |
| 99 | AND JOEY AND... |
| 100 | YOU REMEMBER MY BROTHER ROSS? SURE! |
| 101 | HEY. HI. OH! |
| 102 | OH, GOD! |
| 103 | YOU KNOW, YOU PROBABLY DIDN'T KNOW THIS |
| 104 | BUT BACK IN HIGH SCHOOL, I HAD A, UM... |
| 105 | MAJOR CRUSH ON YOU. |
| 106 | I KNEW. |
| 107 | YOU DID? OH. |
| 108 | ( chuckles ) |
| 109 | I ALWAYS FIGURED YOU JUST THOUGHT |
| 110 | I WAS MONICA'S GEEKY OLDER BROTHER. |
| 111 | I DID. |
| 112 | OH! |
| 113 | LISTEN, DO YOU THINK... |
| 114 | I TRY NOT TO LET MY INTENSE VULNERABILITY |
| 115 | BECOME ANY KIND OF A FACTOR HERE. |
| 116 | BUT DO YOU THINK IT WOULD BE OKAY |
| 117 | IF I ASKED YOU OUT SOMETIME, MAYBE? |
| 118 | YEAH. |
| 119 | MAYBE. |
| 120 | OKAY. |
| 121 | OKAY, MAYBE I WILL. |
| 122 | SEE, I SEE, UH... |
| 123 | BIG PASSION IN YOUR FUTURE. |
| 124 | REALLY? I DO. |
| 125 | OH, ROSS, YOU'RE SO GREAT. |
| 126 | OH... |
| 127 | AH... |
| 128 | IT'S NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN. |
| 129 | YEAH, I'VE A QUESTION. |
| 130 | LOOK, UH, ACTUALLY, NOT SO MUCH A QUESTION |
| 131 | AS MORE OF A GENERAL WONDERING... |
| 132 | ...MENT. |
| 133 | OKAY? |
| 134 | OKAY. |
| 135 | UM, WELL, FOR A WHILE NOW, |
| 136 | I'VE BEEN WANTING TO, UM... |
| 137 | OH... YES, YES. |
| 138 | THAT'S-THAT'S RIGHT. LOOK AT |
| 139 | THAT LITTLE KITTY! |
| 140 | WHAT? |
| 141 | THAT LITTLE KITTY! ( screaming ) |
| 142 | ♪ TOP OF THE WORLD LOOKIN' ♪ |
| 143 | ♪ DOWN ON CREATION ♪ |
| 144 | ♪ AND THE ONLY EXPLANATION ♪ |
| 145 | ♪ I CAN FIND... ♪ |
| 146 | LISTEN, IF YOU WANT THIS CART |
| 147 | YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO TAKE ME WITH IT! |
| 148 | YES! |
| 149 | DID YOU SEE THAT!? |
| 150 | YOU WERE INCREDIBLE! |
| 151 | A BRAND-NEW WOMAN, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. |
| 152 | I COULD NOT HAVE DONE THIS WITHOUT YOU. |
| 153 | NO, IT'S JUST... |
| 154 | OKAY, UM, UH... |
| 155 | MORE CLOTHES IN THE DRYER? |
| 156 | OH! |
| 157 | OH! |
| 158 | I'M FINE. I'M FINE. |
| 159 | YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO TELL ME |
| 160 | YOU EVER HAD FEELINGS FOR ME. |
| 161 | WHAT? |
| 162 | I WAS DOING GREAT WITH JULIE |
| 163 | BEFORE I FOUND OUT ABOUT YOU. |
| 164 | I WAS DOING GREAT BEFORE I FOUND OUT ABOUT YOU. |
| 165 | YOU THINK IT'S EASY FOR ME TO SEE YOU WITH JULIE? |
| 166 | THE POINT IS, I... I DON'T NEED THIS RIGHT NOW. |
| 167 | OKAY? IT'S-IT'S TOO LATE. |
| 168 | I'M SOMEBODY ELSE; I'M HAPPY. |
| 169 | THIS SHIP HAS SAILED. |
| 170 | FINE. GO AND DO THAT. |
| 171 | FINE. FINE. |
| 172 | I DON'T NEED YOUR STUPID SHIP! |
| 173 | GOOD. |
| 174 | OH! |
| 175 | ( exasperated sigh ) |
| 176 | ( sobbing ) |
| 177 | ROSS, DO YOU REALIZE THIS IS |
| 178 | THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE I'M DOING SOMETHING |
| 179 | I ACTUALLY CARE ABOUT? THIS IS THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE |
| 180 | I'M DOING SOMETHING I'M ACTUALLY GOOD AT? |
| 181 | IF YOU DON'T GET THAT... |
| 182 | I GET THAT BIG TIME, AND I'M HAPPY FOR YOU |
| 183 | BUT I'M TIRED OF HAVING A RELATIONSHIP |
| 184 | WITH YOUR ANSWERING MACHINE. |
| 185 | I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO ANYMORE. |
| 186 | LOOK, NEITHER DO I! |
| 187 | IS THIS ABOUT MARK? |
| 188 | ( exasperated sigh ) |
| 189 | OH, MY GOD! |
| 190 | OKAY, IT'S NOT. |
| 191 | OH, MY GOD! |
| 192 | I CANNOT KEEP HAVING |
| 193 | THIS SAME FIGHT OVER AND OVER AGAIN, ROSS. |
| 194 | NO, YOU'RE MAKING THIS TOO HARD! |
| 195 | I'M MAKING THIS TOO HARD? |
| 196 | WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO? |
| 197 | I DON'T KNOW! I DON'T KNOW! |
| 198 | LOOK, MAYBE WE SHOULD JUST TAKE A BREAK. |
| 199 | YOU'RE RIGHT. LET'S TAKE A BREAK. |
| 200 | LET'S COOL OFF, OKAY? |
| 201 | LET'S GET SOME FROZEN YOGURT OR SOMETHING. |
| 202 | NO... |
| 203 | ( sighs ) |
| 204 | A BREAK FROM US. |
| 205 | DO I KNOW WHY WE'RE RUSHING? |
| 206 | YEAH. YOU KNOW THE GIRLFRIEND |
| 207 | I TOLD YOU ABOUT LAST NIGHT? |
| 208 | WELL, IT TURNS OUT |
| 209 | THAT SHE WANTS TO GET BACK TOGETHER WITH ME... |
| 210 | OH, I FOUND IT! |
| 211 | THAT'S SO GREAT FOR YOU GUYS! |
| 212 | YEAH. |
| 213 | GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND. |
| 214 | OH, THANK YOU. |
| 215 | I... HEY! |
| 216 | ( giggling ) |
| 217 | RACHEL! |
| 218 | HI! |
| 219 | OH... YOU GOT MY MESSAGE, HUH? |
| 220 | YEAH. OH, YOU ARE RIGHT ON TIME! |
| 221 | SO, WHAT DO YOU SAY-- CAN I BE YOUR GIRLFRIEND AGAIN? |
| 222 | YES, YOU CAN, VERY MUCH. |
| 223 | AH...! |
| 224 | I WANT YOU TO LEAVE. JUST GET OUT! |
| 225 | I WANT TO STAY. I WANT TO TALK ABOUT THIS. |
| 226 | ALL RIGHT. HOW WAS SHE? |
| 227 | UH-OH. |
| 228 | WH-WHAT? |
| 229 | WAS SHE GOOD? |
| 230 | DON'T ANSWER THAT. |
| 231 | COME ON, ROSS, YOU SAID YOU WANTED TO TALK TO TALK ABOUT IT. |
| 232 | LET'S TALK ABOUT IT. HOW WAS SHE? |
| 233 | SHE WAS... |
| 234 | AWFUL. |
| 235 | HORRIBLE. NOT GOOD. |
| 236 | NOTHING COMPARED TO YOU. |
| 237 | SHE WAS DIFFERENT. |
| 238 | UH-OH! OOH! |
| 239 | GOOD DIFFERENT? |
| 240 | NOBODY LIKES CHANGE. |
| 241 | I... |
| 242 | JUST STOP THAT! |
| 243 | WHAT? OKAY! OKAY! |
| 244 | THE WAY YOU OWNED UP TO EVERYTHING |
| 245 | IT JUST SHOWED ME HOW MUCH YOU'VE GROWN, YOU KNOW? |
| 246 | I MEAN, MY MOM NEVER THOUGHT THIS WOULD WORK OUT. |
| 247 | ( mirthless chuckle ) |
| 248 | SHE WAS ALL, "ONCE A CHEATER, ALWAYS A CHEATER." |
| 249 | MM-HMM. |
| 250 | OH... I JUST WISH |
| 251 | WE HADN'T LOST THOSE FOUR MONTHS. |
| 252 | BUT IF TIME IS WHAT YOU NEEDED |
| 253 | JUST TO GET A LITTLE PERS-PEC-TIVE... |
| 254 | THAT'S... |
| 255 | ( shouting ): WE WERE ON A BREAK! |
| 256 | YOU SEEM TO REALLY LIKE HER. |
| 257 | YEAH, BUT WHAT AM I GOING TO DO? |
| 258 | WE BOTH AGREED IT WAS GOING TO BE |
| 259 | A TWO-WEEK THING, YOU KNOW-- NO COMMITMENT. |
| 260 | ROSS, THAT GIRL JUST SPENT THE ENTIRE EVENING |
| 261 | TALKING TO YOUR FRIENDS, |
| 262 | ASKING TO HEAR STORIES ABOUT YOU, |
| 263 | LOOKING THROUGH MONICA'S PHOTO ALBUMS... |
| 264 | I MEAN, YOU DON'T DO THAT |
| 265 | IF YOU'RE JUST IN IT FOR TWO WEEKS. |
| 266 | YOU THINK? HUH. |
| 267 | YOU'VE GOT, LIKE, 14 HOURS |
| 268 | UNTIL SHE HAS TO BE AT THE AIRPORT |
| 269 | AND YOU'RE SITTING HERE IN THE HALLWAY WITH A... |
| 270 | 28-YEAR-OLD CHEERLEADER WITH A FAT LIP. |
| 271 | ( chuckles ) |
| 272 | HEY, YOU'RE RIGHT. |
| 273 | YEAH. |
| 274 | ( mailbox door closes ) |
| 275 | OH, THIS IS SO AMAZING. |
| 276 | I CAN'T BELIEVE |
| 277 | MY BROTHER'S GETTING MARRIED AND IN LONDON. |
| 278 | I MEAN, IT'S SO ROMANTIC. |
| 279 | HEY, PRETTY SMART. |
| 280 | TISSUE PAPER. |
| 281 | YOU'RE AT THE WEDDING, YOU HAVE TO CRY... |
| 282 | "HANDKERCHIEF?" "NO. I GOT MY INVITATION." |
| 283 | OH, LOOK! ISN'T THIS ADORABLE? |
| 284 | ROSS LET BEN ADDRESS MINE. |
| 285 | HELLO. |
| 286 | All: HEY. |
| 287 | HEY, DID YOU GET YOUR INVITATION TO ROSS'S WEDDING? |
| 288 | NO. |
| 289 | WELL, DON'T WORRY, MAN. |
| 290 | I GET TO BRING A GUEST. WE'LL SHOW HIM. |
| 291 | SO JEALOUS YOU'RE ALL GOING. |
| 292 | I CAN'T BELIEVE I NEVER KNEW |
| 293 | YOU CAN'T FLY IN YOUR THIRD TRIMESTER. |
| 294 | I DIDN'T KNOW EITHER. |
| 295 | I KNEW THAT. |
| 296 | SO I DIDN'T KNOW THAT |
| 297 | ( chuckling ): BUT YOU SHOULD SEE YOUR FACES. |
| 298 | HI, GUYS. WHAT'S UP? |
| 299 | HEY. HEY. |
| 300 | WE'RE HANGING OUT. |
| 301 | WHAT'S THIS? |
| 302 | IS THIS ROSS'S WEDDING INVITATION? |
| 303 | SEE, MAYBE THAT'S THE ONE WE SHOULD HAVE ACTUALLY HIDDEN. |
| 304 | OH, NO, NO. GUYS, COME ON. |
| 305 | YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO THAT. |
| 306 | I'M HAPPY FOR HIM. |
| 307 | I AM. I REALLY... I'M... I... |
| 308 | I'LL WORK ON IT. |
| 309 | I'M SORRY, HONEY. |
| 310 | MMM. |
| 311 | RACHEL, YOU'RE GOING TO COME THOUGH, AREN'T YOU? |
| 312 | OH, HONEY |
| 313 | I DON'T KNOW. I... |
| 314 | THIS ISN'T ONE OF THOSE, YOU KNOW |
| 315 | "SHE DOESN'T COME, WE DON'T COME," RIGHT? |
| 316 | BECAUSE I ALREADY BOUGHT MY TICKET... |
| 317 | YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD BE REAL WEIRD... |
| 318 | IS IF YOU WEREN'T THERE. |
| 319 | JUST SAY YOU'LL THINK ABOUT IT, OKAY? |
| 320 | NO, I'LL THINK ABOUT IT. YEAH. |
| 321 | WHO'S THIS FROM? |
| 322 | OH, THAT'S ROSS'S. |
| 323 | OH. |
| 324 | ( clears throat ) |
| 325 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 326 | HE REMEMBERED! |
| 327 | REMEMBERED WHAT? |
| 328 | IT WAS LIKE MONTHS AGO. |
| 329 | WE WERE WALKING BY THIS ANTIQUE STORE |
| 330 | AND I SAW THIS PIN IN THE WINDOW |
| 331 | AND I TOLD THEM THAT IT WAS JUST LIKE |
| 332 | ONE MY GRANDMOTHER HAD WHEN I WAS A LITTLE GIRL. |
| 333 | OH, I CAN'T BELIEVE HE REMEMBERED. |
| 334 | THIS MUST HAVE COST HIM A FORTUNE. |
| 335 | I CAN'T BELIEVE HE DID THIS. |
| 336 | ROSS? REMEMBER BACK IN COLLEGE |
| 337 | WHEN HE FELL IN LOVE WITH CAROL |
| 338 | AND BOUGHT HER THAT RIDICULOUSLY EXPENSIVE CRYSTAL DUCK? |
| 339 | WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY? |
| 340 | ( mumbling ) |
| 341 | OH... MY GOD. |
| 342 | Announcer: Flight 457 |
| 343 | from Beijing now arriving. |
| 344 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 345 | ROSS AND I WERE IN GRAD SCHOOL. |
| 346 | Ross: WE HAVEN'T SEEN EACH OTHER |
| 347 | SINCE THEN. |
| 348 | WELL, I LAND IN CHINA. |
| 349 | GUESS WHO'S IN CHARGE OF THE DIG. |
| 350 | JULIE! |
| 351 | JULIE, ISN'T THAT GREAT? |
| 352 | I MEAN, ISN'T THAT JUST |
| 353 | KICK-YOU-IN-THE-CROTCH, SPIT-ON-YOUR-NECK FANTASTIC? |
| 354 | OH, THAT IS SO SWEET. |
| 355 | NO... |
| 356 | ( chuckles ) |
| 357 | NO, OKAY. NO, YOU HANG UP. |
| 358 | NO, YOU... OKAY. |
| 359 | OKAY. |
| 360 | ONE, TWO, THREE. |
| 361 | WELL, YOU DIDN'T HANG UP EITHER. |
| 362 | SHE DIDN'T HANG UP. SHE DIDN'T HANG UP. |
| 363 | OKAY, NO. NO, YOU HANG UP. |
| 364 | YOU, YOU, YOU... |
| 365 | ROSS? |
| 366 | HI. IT'S RACHEL. |
| 367 | I'M JUST CALLING TO SAY THAT, UM, EVERYTHING'S FINE |
| 368 | AND I'M REALLY HAPPY FOR YOU |
| 369 | AND YOUR CAT. |
| 370 | SO, OBVIOUSLY, I AM OVER YOU. |
| 371 | I AM OVER YOU |
| 372 | AND THAT, MY FRIEND, |
| 373 | IS WHAT THEY CALL "CLOSURE." |
| 374 | RACHEL, GOT A MESSAGE FROM YOU. |
| 375 | OH, MY GOD, ROSS, NO. |
| 376 | HANG UP THE PHONE. |
| 377 | GIVE ME THE PHONE. |
| 378 | GIVE ME THE GODDAMNED PHONE! |
| 379 | GIVE ME THE PHONE. |
| 380 | YOU'RE OVER ME? |
| 381 | OH, GOD. |
| 382 | WHAT, YOU'RE, UH... |
| 383 | OH, GOD. |
| 384 | Y-YOU'RE OVER ME? |
| 385 | WHEN WERE YOU... |
| 386 | UNDER ME? |
| 387 | BASICALLY... |
| 388 | ( clears throat ) |
| 389 | LATELY, I'VE, UH... |
| 390 | I'VE, UH, SORT OF HAD FEELINGS FOR YOU. |
| 391 | OKAY, I NEED TO LIE DOWN. |
| 392 | HE BROKE UP WITH JULIE. |
| 393 | ( chuckles ) |
| 394 | WELL, GO HUG HER, FOR GOD'S SAKES! |
| 395 | REALLY? |
| 396 | REALLY. |
| 397 | IT'S ALWAYS BEEN YOU, RACH. |
| 398 | OH, GOD. |
| 399 | OH... OH... |
| 400 | LISTEN, I'M SORRY, I HAD TO WORK TONIGHT. |
| 401 | OH, THAT'S OKAY. |
| 402 | YOU WERE WORTH THE WAIT. |
| 403 | OH. |
| 404 | AND I DON'T JUST MEAN TONIGHT. |
| 405 | ♪ I NEVER DREAMED ♪ |
| 406 | ♪ THAT I'D MEET SOMEBODY LIKE YOU ♪ |
| 407 | ♪ I NEVER DREAMED ♪ |
| 408 | ♪ THAT I'D LOVE SOMEBODY... ♪ |
| 409 | WHAT... AH... |
| 410 | ♪ NO, I... ♪ |
| 411 | ♪ DON'T WANNA FALL IN LOVE ♪ |
| 412 | ♪ A WICKED GAME WE PLAY... ♪ |
| 413 | OH, GOD! |
| 414 | OH, HONEY... |
| 415 | OH, IT'S OKAY. |
| 416 | OH, NO, YOU JUST ROLLED OVER THE JUICE BOX. |
| 417 | GUNTHER, PLEASE TELL ME |
| 418 | YOU DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING TO RACHEL |
| 419 | ABOUT ME AND THE GIRL FROM THE COPY PLACE. |
| 420 | I'M SORRY. |
| 421 | WAS I NOT SUPPOSED TO? |
| 422 | YOU'RE THE ONE WHO ENDED IT, REMEMBER? |
| 423 | YEAH, BECAUSE I WAS MAD AT YOU |
| 424 | NOT BECAUSE I STOPPED LOVING YOU. |
| 425 | YOU STILL LOVE ME? |
| 426 | NO. |
| 427 | WHAT DOES THIS MEAN? |
| 428 | WHAT ARE YOU...? DO YOU WANT TO... |
| 429 | GET BACK TOGETHER? |
| 430 | NO... MAYBE. |
| 431 | I DON'T... |
| 432 | I DON'T KNOW. |
| 433 | I JUST... I FEEL... |
| 434 | I CAN'T BELIEVE I EVEN THOUGHT |
| 435 | OF GETTING BACK TOGETHER WITH YOU. |
| 436 | WE ARE SO OVER! |
| 437 | ( choked up ): OH... OH... UH... |
| 438 | FINE BY ME! |
| 439 | AND HEY, JUST SO YOU KNOW |
| 440 | IT'S NOT THAT COMMON |
| 441 | IT DOESN'T HAPPEN TO EVERY GUY |
| 442 | AND IT IS A BIG DEAL! |
| 443 | I KNEW IT! |
| 444 | Rachel's coming out. |
| 445 | Doesn't she look pretty, Jack? |
| 446 | OH, MY GOD! |
| 447 | THIS IS US GETTING READY FOR THE PROM. |
| 448 | OH! |
| 449 | WE DON'T HAVE TO WATCH THIS. |
| 450 | YEAH, WE DO. COME ON! COME ON! |
| 451 | Judy: Get a shot of Monica. |
| 452 | Jack: WAIT. HOW DO YOU ZOOM OUT? |
| 453 | THERE SHE IS. |
| 454 | WHOA! |
| 455 | SHUT UP! |
| 456 | THE CAMERA ADDS TEN POUNDS. |
| 457 | SO, HOW MANY CAMERAS ARE ACTUALLY ON YOU? |
| 458 | Rachel: Dad, turn it off! |
| 459 | Jack: IT IS OFF. |
| 460 | IT'S NOT. |
| 461 | Jack: RIGHT, ROSS? |
| 462 | OH, COME ON. |
| 463 | LOOKING GOOD, MR. KOTTER. |
| 464 | I CAN'T GO TO MY OWN PROM WITHOUT A DATE. |
| 465 | I CAN'T. IT'S TOO LATE. |
| 466 | IF YOU'RE NOT GOING, I DON'T WANT TO GO EITHER. |
| 467 | I HAVE A WONDERFUL IDEA. |
| 468 | YOU SHOULD TAKE RACHEL TO THE PROM. |
| 469 | WE'VE SEEN ENOUGH. LET'S TURN IT OFF. |
| 470 | NO, NO, I WANT TO SEE. |
| 471 | WELL, I'M NOT GOING TO WATCH. |
| 472 | Jack: Come on, kid. |
| 473 | LET'S GO. |
| 474 | Judy: ARE YOU HANDSOME. |
| 475 | Jack: LET'S SHOW 'EM! |
| 476 | ( nervous chuckle ) |
| 477 | OKAY, DAD. |
| 478 | RACHEL, READY OR NOT |
| 479 | HERE COMES YOUR KNIGHT IN SHINING... |
| 480 | OH, NO. |
| 481 | BYE! DON'T WAIT UP! |
| 482 | OKAY, CHIP! |
| 483 | LET'S GO. |
| 484 | Judy: OH, DEAR. |
| 485 | JACK, HOW DO I TURN THIS OFF? |
| 486 | I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DID THAT. |
| 487 | YEAH, WELL... |
| 488 | SEE? HE'S HER LOBSTER. |
| 489 | NO! |
| 490 | YOU'RE REALLY NOT GOING? |
| 491 | YEAH. |
| 492 | IT'S JUST GOING TO BE TOO HARD. |
| 493 | YOU KNOW, I MEAN, IT'S ROSS. |
| 494 | HOW CAN I WATCH HIM GET MARRIED? |
| 495 | YOU KNOW, IT'S JUST, IT'S FOR THE BEST, YOU KNOW? |
| 496 | IT IS. IT'S... |
| 497 | PLUS, SOMEBODY'S GOT TO STAY HERE WITH PHOEBE. |
| 498 | YOU KNOW, SHE'S GOING TO PRETTY BIG BY THEN |
| 499 | AND SHE'LL NEED SOMEONE TO HELP HER TIE HER SHOES. |
| 500 | DRIVE HER TO THE HOSPITAL |
| 501 | IN CASE SHE GOES INTO LABOR... |
| 502 | YOU DON'T HAVE A CAR, AND YOUR LICENSE EXPIRED. |
| 503 | I KNOW. |
| 504 | YEAH, SEE, THERE'S SO MUCH TO DO |
| 505 | AND I HAVE SO LITTLE TIME TO DO IT IN. |
| 506 | ALL RIGHT, CHECK IT OUT. CHECK THIS OUT. |
| 507 | SAYS HERE THERE'S A PLACE YOU CAN GO |
| 508 | TO RENT VIDEOS OF ALL THE MUSEUMS. |
| 509 | "IT'S ALMOST AS GOOD AS BEING THERE." |
| 510 | IT'S BETTER. |
| 511 | YOU CAN'T GO TO A MUSEUM IN YOUR UNDERWEAR. |
| 512 | WELL, YOU COULD, BUT PROBABLY JUST THE ONE TIME. |
| 513 | I BET WE COULD GET VIDEOS OF ALL THE SIGHTS. |
| 514 | GET A VCR IN A HOTEL ROOM |
| 515 | WE'D NEVER EVEN HAVE TO GO OUTSIDE. |
| 516 | IF WE DO THAT, WE'VE GOT TO RENT DIE HARD. |
| 517 | OH-HO, I BET THE BRITISH VERSION IS GOOD. |
| 518 | |
| 1 | [instrumental music] |
| 2 | That's like the tenth time I've peed since I've been here. |
| 3 | That's also like the tenth time you've told us. |
| 4 | Yeah, oh, I'm sorry, it must be really hard to hear. |
| 5 | I tell ya, it's a lot easier having three babies playing |
| 6 | "Bring in 'da noise, Bring in 'da Funk" on your bladder! |
| 7 | I'm so sick of being pregnant. |
| 8 | The only happiness I get is from a cup of coffee |
| 9 | which of course is decaf, 'cause, "Oh, I'm pregnant!" |
| 10 | Pheebs, you-you want a cookie? |
| 11 | Thank you so much. |
| 12 | So, uh, Pheebs, honey, how are those mood swings comin'? |
| 13 | I haven't really had any yet. |
| 14 | [theme song] |
| 15 | ♪ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ♪ |
| 16 | ♪ Your job's a joke you're broke ♪ |
| 17 | ♪ Your love life's DOA ♪ |
| 18 | ♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪ |
| 19 | ♪ When it hasn't been your day your week your month ♪ |
| 20 | ♪ Or even your year ♪ |
| 21 | ♪ But I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 22 | ♪ When the rain starts to pour ♪ |
| 23 | ♪ I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 24 | ♪ Like I've been there before ♪ |
| 25 | ♪ I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 26 | ♪ 'Cause you're there for me too ♪♪ |
| 27 | [instrumental music] |
| 28 | - Hey, guys. - Hey. |
| 29 | Alright, here's the ring. |
| 30 | [gasps] Yes! Yes! A thousand times yes! |
| 31 | So, uh, any ideas for the bachelor party yet? |
| 32 | Whoa-whoa-whoa! Before you start handing out wedding rings |
| 33 | and planning bachelor parties, don't you have |
| 34 | to decide who your best man is gonna be? |
| 35 | Oh, it's awkward. It's awkward. It's awkward. |
| 36 | I sort of already asked Chandler. |
| 37 | What? He got to do it at your first wedding. |
| 38 | Joey, I figured you'd understand. |
| 39 | I mean, I-I've known him a lot longer. |
| 40 | Come on, Ross! Look, I-I don't have any brothers. |
| 41 | I'm never gonna get to be a best man! |
| 42 | You can be the best man when I get married. |
| 43 | I'm never gonna get to be a best man! |
| 44 | Wait-wait, so, you get to be my best man twice |
| 45 | and I don't get to be yours at all? |
| 46 | Oh, no, you.. Yeah, of course, you can be my best man. |
| 47 | What about me? You-you just said I could! |
| 48 | I'm not even getting married! |
| 49 | Okay, this is a question for science fiction writers. |
| 50 | I can't believe you're not picking me. |
| 51 | Hey, how could it not be me? |
| 52 | I'm not even.. I'm not even.. |
| 53 | Alright, you know what, that's it. |
| 54 | From now on, Joey, I want you to be my best man. |
| 55 | Yes! |
| 56 | Shame about you though, man. |
| 57 | [instrumental music] |
| 58 | - Stop it. - What? |
| 59 | One of the babies is kicking. |
| 60 | I thought that was a good thing. |
| 61 | It's not kicking me, it's kicking |
| 62 | one of the other babies. |
| 63 | Oh! Don't make me come in there! |
| 64 | - Hey. - (Monica) Hey. |
| 65 | Do you guys have like a big bowl I can borrow? |
| 66 | Yeah, there's one right under the cabinet. |
| 67 | - Thanks. - Why do you need it? |
| 68 | Oh, we're having a big party |
| 69 | tomorrow night. Later! |
| 70 | (Rachel) 'Whoa! Hey-hey' |
| 71 | you planning on inviting us? |
| 72 | No-o-o, no. Later. |
| 73 | Hey! Get your ass back here, Tribbiani! |
| 74 | Hormones. |
| 75 | What Phoebe meant to say was, um |
| 76 | how come you're having a party and we're not invited? |
| 77 | Oh, it's Ross' bachelor party. |
| 78 | So? |
| 79 | Are you bachelors? |
| 80 | - No. - Are you strippers? |
| 81 | - No. - Then you're not invited. |
| 82 | Alright, fine! You're not invited |
| 83 | to, uh, the party that we're gonna have either. |
| 84 | Oh, wh-what party? |
| 85 | Well, um.. |
| 86 | The baby shower for Phoebe. |
| 87 | Baby shower. Wow. |
| 88 | That so doesn't sound like somethin' I want to do. |
| 89 | Later. |
| 90 | I can't believe I'm gonna have a party. |
| 91 | [all chuckle] |
| 92 | This is so great! A party! Yay! |
| 93 | [laughing] Yes! Yes! |
| 94 | [crying] |
| 95 | - I don't know why. - Oh. |
| 96 | This is what I've got going for the party so far |
| 97 | liquor-wise. |
| 98 | - "Get a lot of liquor." - Great. Great. |
| 99 | Okay, now, uh, in terms of the invite list |
| 100 | obviously, I've got you, me, and Chandler |
| 101 | and I'm gonna invite Gunther because |
| 102 | well, we've been talking about this pretty loud. |
| 103 | I'll be there. |
| 104 | Alright, and.. Oh, listen, I know it's your party |
| 105 | but I'd really like to limit the number |
| 106 | of museum geeks that are gonna be there. |
| 107 | Yeah. Tell ya what, let's not invite |
| 108 | any of the anthropologists, okay? |
| 109 | Just the dinosaur dudes! |
| 110 | Okay! We'll need a six-pack of Zima. |
| 111 | Hey, guys, what are you doing? |
| 112 | Oh, just planning my bachelor party with my best man. |
| 113 | Yeah, well, good luck trying to top the last one. |
| 114 | Yeah, see, I don't think it's gonna be that difficult |
| 115 | considering this one won't take place |
| 116 | in the basement of a Pizza Hut. |
| 117 | "Oh, I'm Ross. I'm Ross. I'm too good for the Hut. |
| 118 | I'm too good for the Hut." |
| 119 | Look, I gotta go pick up Ben. |
| 120 | Uh, everything so far sounds great, Joey. |
| 121 | Just remember to keep it on the mellow side, okay? |
| 122 | Just a couple of guys hanging out playing poker |
| 123 | no, no strippers or anything, okay? |
| 124 | - You got it. - Okay, see you later. |
| 125 | See ya. |
| 126 | Ha-ha-ha-ha. Have fun planning your mellow bachelor party. |
| 127 | Well, there's gonna be strippers there. |
| 128 | He didn't say anything about no strippers. |
| 129 | He just said, "No strippers." |
| 130 | Oh, I chose not to hear that. |
| 131 | Look what I got! Look what I got! Look what I got! |
| 132 | Oh. |
| 133 | Oh. |
| 134 | Can you believe they make these for little people? |
| 135 | Oh, little village people. |
| 136 | Oh. Okay. Look at this one. |
| 137 | This is my favorite. |
| 138 | - Oh, that is so sweet! - I know! |
| 139 | Phoebe is gonna love dressing them in these! |
| 140 | Huh. Except, Phoebe's not gonna be the one |
| 141 | who gets to dress them. |
| 142 | Because she's not going to get to keep the babies. |
| 143 | Oh, my God! |
| 144 | We are throwing the most depressing baby shower ever! |
| 145 | [gasps] Wait a minute! |
| 146 | Unless, we give her all gifts that she can use |
| 147 | after she's done being pregnant. |
| 148 | Like, um, like regular coffee, tequila! |
| 149 | Oh, and somebody could get her those |
| 150 | those leather pants that she's always wanted! |
| 151 | Oh, she's gonna love that! |
| 152 | What the hell is this? |
| 153 | What, you actually thought it would make me feel better? |
| 154 | To give me something I can't even use |
| 155 | for another two months? |
| 156 | This sucks! Ugh! |
| 157 | Alright, what's my next present? |
| 158 | [indistinct chatter] |
| 159 | Hey, listen, man, about the stripper.. |
| 160 | - Yeah? - Good call! |
| 161 | Okay, a little announcement, a little announcement. |
| 162 | I've decided that my best man is my best friend Gunther! |
| 163 | What's my last name? |
| 164 | Central Perk? |
| 165 | Thanks for not marrying Rachel. |
| 166 | Oh, hey, Gunther, don't-don't forget your shirt. |
| 167 | Hey, hey, what are those? |
| 168 | Oh, little party favors, check it out. |
| 169 | - Wow! Yeah! - 'Yeah?' |
| 170 | Oh, oh, oh. |
| 171 | Ohhh. |
| 172 | Okay. Okay, a little announcement. |
| 173 | I just want everybody to know that the position |
| 174 | of my best man is still open. |
| 175 | And, uh, you know, so is the position of the bride. |
| 176 | - Great! - Smooth, man. |
| 177 | Yeah, you got some chili on your neck. |
| 178 | Well, I just want to say, thanks everyone |
| 179 | this-this was great, okay. |
| 180 | And, hey! See you guys Monday morning. |
| 181 | - Thanks, Joey. - Hey, don't forget your shirt. |
| 182 | Oh, thanks! |
| 183 | Okay, hey, museum geeks, party's over. Okay. |
| 184 | Wave bye-bye to the nice lady. There you go. |
| 185 | Back to your parents' basement. Alright. |
| 186 | Come on, boys, come on out! Here you go. Alright. |
| 187 | Ohh, look at the little birdies! |
| 188 | - Are those yours? - Yeah. |
| 189 | Well, I didn't know they let you |
| 190 | keep chickens and ducks as pets. |
| 191 | Oh, yeah, yeah. And I got the duck totally trained too. |
| 192 | Watch this. |
| 193 | Stare at the wall. |
| 194 | Hardly move. |
| 195 | Be white. |
| 196 | You are really good at that. |
| 197 | So, uh, I had fun tonight |
| 198 | you throw one hell of a party. |
| 199 | Oh, thanks. Thanks. |
| 200 | Yeah, it was great meetin' ya. |
| 201 | And listen, if any of my friends |
| 202 | ever get married or, you know |
| 203 | have a birthday or a Tuesday-- |
| 204 | Yeah, that would be great. |
| 205 | So, I guess, um, goodnight. |
| 206 | Oh, unless you, uh.. |
| 207 | ...you just wanna hang around. |
| 208 | - Yeah? - Yeah. |
| 209 | I'll let you play with my duck. |
| 210 | [quacks] |
| 211 | [instrumental music] |
| 212 | Hey.. |
| 213 | Stripper! |
| 214 | The stripper stole the ring! The stripper stole the ring! |
| 215 | Chandler, get up! Get up! The stripper stole the ring! |
| 216 | - What? - The ring is gone! |
| 217 | Ugh. Okay, just a sec, gimme a minute to wake up for this.. |
| 218 | Ah-ha-ha. |
| 219 | You lost the ring! You're the worst best man ever! |
| 220 | Dude, this isn't funny! What am I gonna do? |
| 221 | I go to sleep last night, everything's cool! |
| 222 | I wake up this morning, the stripper's gone |
| 223 | and the ring is gone! |
| 224 | You slept with the stripper? |
| 225 | Of course! |
| 226 | - Hi, guys. - Hi, Phoebe. |
| 227 | Hi, Phoebe. |
| 228 | I-I wanted to apologize if I, you know |
| 229 | seemed a tad edgy yesterday at my shower. |
| 230 | You know, it's just the hormones, you know. |
| 231 | - No, we.. Hormones, yeah. - Hormones. |
| 232 | Anyway, I just wanted to say thank you |
| 233 | it was just, it was so sweet. |
| 234 | - Oh, okay. - It was so sweet. |
| 235 | Wow, you seem to be doing so much better. That's great. |
| 236 | - H-how are things going? - Good. |
| 237 | You know.. No, but, okay, it's-it feels |
| 238 | like, everything's been about me lately |
| 239 | so what's happening with you? |
| 240 | Oh, well, actually we were just talking |
| 241 | about me not going to Ross' wedding. |
| 242 | It just might be too hard, given the history and all that.. |
| 243 | Wow! This reminds me of the time when I was, um |
| 244 | living on the street and this guy offered |
| 245 | to buy me food if I slept with him. |
| 246 | Well, h-how is this like that? |
| 247 | Well, let's see, it's not...really like that |
| 248 | because you see that was an actual problem |
| 249 | and, uh, yours is just like, you know, bunch of, you know |
| 250 | high school crap that nobody really gives, you know.. |
| 251 | Well, I'm-I'm sorry, I guess I just thought-- |
| 252 | Alright, here comes the water works. |
| 253 | Ugh! I don't know what I'm gonna do! |
| 254 | I called the company that sent her and th-they don't care. |
| 255 | Then I called 911 and they yelled at me |
| 256 | if this isn't an emergency, then what is? |
| 257 | Hey, guys. |
| 258 | - Hey! - Hey. Hey. |
| 259 | I just wanted to thank you again for last night. |
| 260 | What a great party. |
| 261 | And the guys from work had a blast. |
| 262 | You know, one of them had never been |
| 263 | to a bachelor party before. |
| 264 | Yeah! And-and another one had never been |
| 265 | to a party before, so.. |
| 266 | So, uh, hey, that, uh, that wedding ring, huh? |
| 267 | - Man, that is nice! - Yeah, right! |
| 268 | Yeah, I was, uh, I was thinkin' I might pick |
| 269 | one of those babies up for myself. |
| 270 | Where might one get one of those? |
| 271 | That ring? |
| 272 | When my grandmother first came to this country |
| 273 | that ring and the clothes on her back were all she had with her. |
| 274 | So you might say that the ring is irreplaceable? |
| 275 | Oh, absolutely! It's been in my family for generations |
| 276 | and every bride who has worn it has lived a long and happy life. |
| 277 | So you might say, it's a magic ring. |
| 278 | [both chuckle] |
| 279 | Yeah, the stripper stole it. |
| 280 | My-my ring? My-my wedding ring? |
| 281 | The-the stripper stole my wedding ring? |
| 282 | H-how? How-how could this happen? |
| 283 | Well, I think it all started when you said |
| 284 | "Hey, Joey, why don't you be my best man?" |
| 285 | Alright, alright, fine! I'm gonna-I'm gonna call the cops. |
| 286 | Dude, I-I screwed up, you don't have to turn me in! |
| 287 | Not on you! On the stripper! |
| 288 | Oh, yeah, well, I already did that. |
| 289 | They said they're gonna look into it right after |
| 290 | they solve all the murders. |
| 291 | Okay, well, then, we'll-we'll call the company that sent her. |
| 292 | I did that too! |
| 293 | They wouldn't give me her real name or her number. |
| 294 | They said, if I bothered them again, they'd call the police. |
| 295 | I said, "If you talk to the police |
| 296 | you tell them I'm missin' a ring." |
| 297 | So what, Joey? Wh-wh-what? What are you telling me? |
| 298 | That there's nothing we can do? Well, how could this happen? |
| 299 | Look, Ross, I am so, so sorry. I-I.. |
| 300 | [slams phone] |
| 301 | Well, what if we just, uh, called her |
| 302 | used a fake name and had her come to my office? |
| 303 | Oh, that sounds like fun, but we've got a ring to find! |
| 304 | [instrumental music] |
| 305 | Here's your tea, Phoebe. |
| 306 | Mm, it's so good. |
| 307 | [both sigh] |
| 308 | Oh, thanks. Sweet. |
| 309 | - Good. - I'm so glad you like it. |
| 310 | - Oh! - What? |
| 311 | What? She made the tea! |
| 312 | No, I-I think I just had a contraction. |
| 313 | - You what? - Oh, my God! |
| 314 | Yeah, I thought I felt one a couple of minutes ago |
| 315 | and now I know that definitely was one. |
| 316 | Oh, wait, you-you can't have the baby here! |
| 317 | I mean, I haven't sterilized the apartment |
| 318 | since the guys moved out! |
| 319 | It's okay. We're gonna be okay. You know what? It's okay. |
| 320 | I'm gonna, I'm gonna boil some water |
| 321 | and just rip up some sheets! |
| 322 | No. It's alright, it's probably false labor. |
| 323 | They said that that could happen near the end |
| 324 | so, just somebody get the book. |
| 325 | - Rachel, get the book! - The book! Okay! Okay! |
| 326 | Here. |
| 327 | - The Bible? - I don't know! |
| 328 | [instrumental music] |
| 329 | Alright, okay, okay, this is great. |
| 330 | Uh, Chandler, you get behind the desk. |
| 331 | And-and when she comes in |
| 332 | hopefully, she won't recognize you because |
| 333 | well, why would she? |
| 334 | Uh, okay, and then you buzz Ross and I. |
| 335 | You be, uh, Mr. Gonzales, and I'll be Mr. Wong. |
| 336 | Diverse. |
| 337 | [knock on door] |
| 338 | (female #1) 'Anybody call for security?' |
| 339 | You be cool. |
| 340 | Okay, which one of you guys is Gunther Central Perk? |
| 341 | - Hey, Joey? - Where's my ring? |
| 342 | My dead grandmother's wedding ring? Where is it? Where is it? |
| 343 | Way to be cool, man. |
| 344 | What's he talking about? |
| 345 | There was a ring, in a box, on my nightstand. |
| 346 | After you left, it was gone! |
| 347 | Wait a minute, you guys think I stole some ring? |
| 348 | (all) Yeah! |
| 349 | We know you took it, so just-just save yourself |
| 350 | the time and confess! |
| 351 | Okay, who are you, The Hardy Boys? |
| 352 | Look, I don't need to steal some stupid ring, alright? |
| 353 | I make $1600 a week doing what I do. |
| 354 | Any of you guys make that? |
| 355 | Marry me. |
| 356 | What? |
| 357 | [instrumental music] |
| 358 | I don't get it. It was in my room all night. |
| 359 | If she didn't take it, and I didn't take it |
| 360 | and you didn't take it, then who did? |
| 361 | [duck quacking] |
| 362 | Shh! We're trying to think. |
| 363 | [duck quacking] |
| 364 | I still don't get how you know when it's false labor. |
| 365 | Well, do you see any babies? |
| 366 | - How do you feel? - Okay, I guess, I mean.. |
| 367 | I don't know, it's just.. |
| 368 | I guess, I know it's going to be over soon, so.. |
| 369 | But isn't that a good thing? |
| 370 | I mean, you said you were sick of this. |
| 371 | I know. It's just, you know |
| 372 | usually when you're, when you're done |
| 373 | with the pregnant thing, then you |
| 374 | you know, you get to do the mom thing. |
| 375 | I'm gonna be, you know, sitting around |
| 376 | in my leather pants, drinking tequila. |
| 377 | Some moms do that. |
| 378 | Okay, that's even sadder. |
| 379 | Look, I know, I know, what I got myself into, you know.. |
| 380 | It's just that now that they're in me |
| 381 | it's like...it's like I know them, you know, and, and.. |
| 382 | It's just not, it's not gonna be easy when, you know |
| 383 | these little babies have to go away. |
| 384 | I know, sweetie |
| 385 | but it's not like you're not gonna have anything. |
| 386 | I mean, you're gonna have nieces and nephews. |
| 387 | I mean, some ways that's even better. |
| 388 | - Yeah, okay. - No, really. Really, Pheebs. |
| 389 | I mean, you're not gonna be the one |
| 390 | worrying about saving for college |
| 391 | or yelling at them when they're bad |
| 392 | you know, or deciding to put 'em on Ritalin |
| 393 | when they just won't calm down. You know? |
| 394 | I mean, you're gonna be the one that they come to |
| 395 | when they wanna run away from home |
| 396 | and the one they talk to about sex. |
| 397 | And you just get to be cool Aunt Phoebe! |
| 398 | Cool Aunt Phoebe. |
| 399 | I am pretty cool. |
| 400 | Oh. |
| 401 | Yeah. And you know what else? |
| 402 | Oh, my God, are they gonna love you! |
| 403 | - They are gonna love me. - Oh! |
| 404 | - Thanks, you guys. - Aww. |
| 405 | - Oh, honey.. - Again. |
| 406 | Oh, sweetie. |
| 407 | Thanks. Oh! |
| 408 | - What? - Oh, God! |
| 409 | - Just kidding. - Oh. |
| 410 | - Ahh! - Oh, my God! |
| 411 | Oh, got you again, you're so easy. |
| 412 | [instrumental music] |
| 413 | If anything should happen to him.. |
| 414 | Joey! The vet said it's a simple procedure. |
| 415 | So! Things could go wrong! You don't know! |
| 416 | What if he doesn't make it? |
| 417 | - He will, Joe. - Yeah, but what if he doesn't? |
| 418 | He's such a good duck. |
| 419 | ♪ And tell me when will our eyes meet? ♪ |
| 420 | ♪ When can I touch you? ♪ |
| 421 | ♪ When will this strong yearning end? ♪ |
| 422 | ♪ And when will I hold you ♪ |
| 423 | ♪ Again? ♪♪ |
| 424 | I'm just so worried about him, you know? |
| 425 | - Somebody lose a ring? - Aah! |
| 426 | Oh, my God! Thank you! Thank you so much! |
| 427 | [sniffs] |
| 428 | - H-h-h-how's the duck? - Yeah. |
| 429 | He's doing just fine, he's resting now |
| 430 | but you can see him in a little bit. |
| 431 | - Oh. - Great. |
| 432 | Hey, listen, Ross, thanks for being so cool about this. |
| 433 | - No, that's alright. - No, it's not. |
| 434 | I mean, you-you made me your best man |
| 435 | and I totally let you down! |
| 436 | Hey, come on, it's not your fault. |
| 437 | Yeah, it is! |
| 438 | You wouldn't have lost the ring, right? |
| 439 | You know what |
| 440 | Ross, you were right from the start |
| 441 | he should be your best man. |
| 442 | No, you should. |
| 443 | Look, don't argue with me-- |
| 444 | Hey! Hey! Hey! |
| 445 | I get to choose my best man. |
| 446 | I want both you guys. |
| 447 | - Really? - Really? |
| 448 | Hey, both you guys should be up there with me. |
| 449 | I mean, you two are-are my.. |
| 450 | I mean, I'm lucky to have just one good.. |
| 451 | Th-thanks, man. |
| 452 | I gotta go check something over here. |
| 453 | - What a baby. - Total wuss! |
| 454 | [instrumental music] |
| 455 | [hornpipe music] |
| 456 | [quacks] |
| 457 | [quacks] |
| 458 | [quacks] |
| 459 | [quacks] |
| 460 | [theme music] |
| 461 | |
| 1 | HURRY. THE FLIGHT LEAVES |
| 2 | IN FOUR HOURS. |
| 3 | IT COULD TAKE TIME TO GET A TAXI. |
| 4 | THERE COULD BE TRAFFIC. |
| 5 | THE PLANE COULD LEAVE EARLY. |
| 6 | COME ON! |
| 7 | SIX-HOUR TRIP TO LONDON. |
| 8 | THAT'S A LOT OF MONICA. |
| 9 | PASSPORT. CHECK. |
| 10 | CAMERA. CHECK. |
| 11 | TRAVELER'S CHECKS. CHECK. |
| 12 | WHO ARE YOU SAYING CHECK TO? |
| 13 | MYSELF. |
| 14 | YOU KNOW, FOR REMEMBERING TO PACK THE THING. |
| 15 | YOU KNOW, YOU DO A GOOD THING, YOU GET A CHECK. |
| 16 | MY MOM DOES IT. |
| 17 | I NEVER REALIZED IT WAS WEIRD. |
| 18 | HEY, MY MOM USED TO PUT HER HEAD IN THE OVEN. |
| 19 | ACTUALLY, SHE ONLY DID IT THE ONE TIME |
| 20 | BUT IT WAS PRETTY WEIRD. |
| 21 | HEY. |
| 22 | HEY. |
| 23 | ARE YOU READY YET? |
| 24 | YEP. TICKETS? |
| 25 | GOT THEM RIGHT HERE. CHECK. |
| 26 | IT'S ALL LONDON, BABY. |
| 27 | HERE WE GO. |
| 28 | YOU GOT YOUR PASSPORT? |
| 29 | YEAH. IN MY THIRD DRAWER IN MY DRESSER. |
| 30 | YOU DON'T WANT TO LOSE THAT. |
| 31 | OH! |
| 32 | THERE IT IS. |
| 33 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 34 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 35 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 36 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 37 | ♪ WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY ♪ |
| 38 | ♪ YOUR WEEK, YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 39 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 40 | ♪ WHEN THE RAIN STARTS TO POUR ♪ |
| 41 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 42 | ♪ LIKE I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE ♪ |
| 43 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 44 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME, TOO. ♪ |
| 45 | THE GARBAGE BAGS ARE NEXT TO THE REFRIGERATOR. |
| 46 | RACHEL'S GOING TO BE HERE. |
| 47 | CAN'T I JUST ASK HER THIS STUFF? |
| 48 | YEAH, OKAY, GIVE THAT A TRY. |
| 49 | ALL RIGHT, LET'S DO IT. |
| 50 | YEAH, CHEERIO. |
| 51 | LONDON, BABY. |
| 52 | OKAY, 'CAUSE THAT'S NOT GOING TO GET ANNOYING. |
| 53 | LONDON, BABY! |
| 54 | YOU KNOW WHAT? I WAS WRONG. |
| 55 | WELL, WE'RE ALL HERE. |
| 56 | WE SHOULD GET GOING. |
| 57 | OH, I WANT TO COME OVER THERE AND GIVE YOU A HUG |
| 58 | AND WISH YOU LUCK ON YOUR WEDDING |
| 59 | BUT I CAN'T GET UP. |
| 60 | I'LL COME HUG YOU. |
| 61 | GREAT, YEAH. COULD YOU BRING ME THE NEWSPAPER? |
| 62 | YEAH. |
| 63 | HAVE A GREAT WEDDING. |
| 64 | CHANDLER, I WANT TO HUG YOU, TOO. |
| 65 | HEY. |
| 66 | AND YOU MIGHT AS WELL BRING ME MY BOOK. |
| 67 | IT'S ON THE COUNTER IN YOUR APARTMENT. |
| 68 | OH. |
| 69 | SO, WE'RE OFF. |
| 70 | HAVE FUN. |
| 71 | THANKS. |
| 72 | I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE NOT GOING TO BE THERE. |
| 73 | I KNOW. |
| 74 | SO, SO, SO COME. WHY DON'T YOU COME? |
| 75 | WHAT? TO LONDON. |
| 76 | COME TO LONDON, PLEASE. |
| 77 | IT WOULD MEAN SO MUCH TO ME. |
| 78 | I GOT TO WORK. |
| 79 | I'M SORRY. |
| 80 | WHY CAN'T YOU TAKE A COUPLE OF DAYS OFF? |
| 81 | BECAUSE I CAN'T, ROSS. |
| 82 | I TOLD YOU, NO, I CAN'T. |
| 83 | THIS IS MY WEDDING. |
| 84 | NOW WE ARE LATE. |
| 85 | LET'S GO! LET'S GO! LET'S GO! |
| 86 | FINE. YOU'LL... YOU'LL WATCH IT ON VIDEO |
| 87 | WHEN WE GET BACK. |
| 88 | HERE YOU GO, PHOEBE. |
| 89 | HERE YOU GO, PHO-BO, PHOO-BILA, PHEE-BE-BOO. |
| 90 | THANK YOU. |
| 91 | ( giggles ) |
| 92 | YOU. |
| 93 | ( laughing ) |
| 94 | ALL RIGHT, LET'S GO. |
| 95 | BYE, PHEEBS. |
| 96 | BYE. |
| 97 | LONDON, BABY! |
| 98 | OH, GOD. |
| 99 | OH, DO YOU NEED A HUG? |
| 100 | YOU DON'T HAVE TO BRING ME ANYTHING. |
| 101 | ♪ LONDON CALLING ♪ |
| 102 | ♪ YES, I WAS THERE, TOO ♪ |
| 103 | ♪ AND YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAID? ♪ |
| 104 | ♪ WELL, SOME OF IT WAS TRUE ♪ |
| 105 | ♪ LONDON CALLING. ♪ |
| 106 | ALL RIGHT, CHANDLER, DO SOMETHING. |
| 107 | COME ON |
| 108 | DO SOMETHING. |
| 109 | I AM. I'M IGNORING YOU. |
| 110 | I'M GOING TO BE THE ON-CAMERA GUY. |
| 111 | ALL RIGHT, FIRST STOP: |
| 112 | WESTMINSTER ABBEY. |
| 113 | OH, WHAT THE HELL IS THAT? |
| 114 | THAT'S LONDON, BABY. |
| 115 | ALL RIGHT, THE HOTEL'S HERE. |
| 116 | WAIT. |
| 117 | NO. WE WANT TO GO... |
| 118 | NO. |
| 119 | I KNOW. |
| 120 | I'M GOING TO HAVE TO GO INTO THE MAP. |
| 121 | OKAY, IF YOU SEE A LITTLE VERSION OF ME IN THERE |
| 122 | KILL IT. |
| 123 | I GOT IT. |
| 124 | HERE WE GO. |
| 125 | OKAY, LISTEN, LISTEN. |
| 126 | WE'RE NOT GOING TO HAVE TO WALK THIS WAY |
| 127 | THE ENTIRE TIME, ARE WE? |
| 128 | SHH. |
| 129 | OH, MAN, YOU MADE ME LOSE IT. |
| 130 | AND THAT WAS ALL BEFORE 10:00. |
| 131 | THE CATERER RANG TO SAY IT'S GOING TO BE CHICKEN KIEV |
| 132 | INSTEAD OF CHICKEN TARRAGON. |
| 133 | AND THEN THE FLORIST PHONED TO SAY |
| 134 | THAT THERE AREN'T ANY TULIPS |
| 135 | AND THEN THE CELLIST HAS CARPAL TUNNEL SYNDROME. |
| 136 | WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. EMILY, HONEY, OKAY. |
| 137 | WELL, UP YOURS, TOO. |
| 138 | WHAT? |
| 139 | THAT'S WHAT IT MEANS. |
| 140 | NO, NO. THAT'S TIME-OUT. |
| 141 | SORRY. |
| 142 | SWEETIE, YOU GOT TO RELAX. |
| 143 | EVERYTHING'S GOING TO BE GREAT, OKAY? |
| 144 | COME ON, COME ON. |
| 145 | CHICKEN KIEV? |
| 146 | MM-HMM. |
| 147 | DOESN'T THAT SOUND DELICIOUS? |
| 148 | I KNOW |
| 149 | BUT SOMETHING LIKE SALMON |
| 150 | WOULD BE SO MUCH MORE ELEGANT THAN CHICKEN |
| 151 | AND YOU WOULDN'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT THE SALMONELLA. |
| 152 | OH, GOD. |
| 153 | SO I CAN'T WAIT |
| 154 | TO SEE WHERE YOU'RE GETTING MARRIED. |
| 155 | YES, YES. |
| 156 | THIS PLACE IS BEAUTIFUL. |
| 157 | EMILY'S PARENTS GOT MARRIED HERE. |
| 158 | I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE THEY'RE TEARING IT DOWN. |
| 159 | IT REALLY IS THE MOST LOVELY BUILDING. |
| 160 | I MEAN, IT'S OVER... |
| 161 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 162 | IT'S NICE. |
| 163 | OH. |
| 164 | OH. |
| 165 | OH. OH, MY GOD. |
| 166 | HOW CAN THIS BE HAPPENING? |
| 167 | WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO? |
| 168 | EVERYTHING'LL BE ALL RIGHT. |
| 169 | HOW? |
| 170 | UH-HUH, I SEE THAT. |
| 171 | I TALKED TO THE GUY WITH THE SHOVEL |
| 172 | AND FOUND OUT WHAT HAPPENED. |
| 173 | Both: WHAT? |
| 174 | THEY TORE IT DOWN |
| 175 | A FEW DAYS EARLY. |
| 176 | ALL RIGHT, WESTMINSTER ABBEY. |
| 177 | HANDS DOWN, BEST ABBEY I'VE EVER SEEN. |
| 178 | HEY. |
| 179 | OKAY. |
| 180 | WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE ABBEY, CHANDLER? |
| 181 | I THINK IT'S GREAT. |
| 182 | THEY'RE THINKING OF CHANGING THE NAME OF THIS PLACE. |
| 183 | REALLY? TO WHAT? |
| 184 | TO PUT THE CAMERA AWAY! |
| 185 | MAN, YOU ARE WESTMINSTER CRABBY. |
| 186 | OH. |
| 187 | HONEY, DON'T GET UP. |
| 188 | WHAT DO YOU NEED? |
| 189 | NOTHING. |
| 190 | I AM HERE TO TAKE CARE OF YOU. |
| 191 | WHAT DO YOU NEED? |
| 192 | OKAY. I HAVE A WEDGIE. |
| 193 | OKAY, THAT IS ALL YOU. |
| 194 | SO... |
| 195 | SO WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR LUNCH? |
| 196 | OH, I DON'T KNOW. |
| 197 | I GUESS WE HAVE TO EAT. |
| 198 | YEAH, I DO. |
| 199 | WHAT'S THE MATTER? |
| 200 | I'M JUST BUMMED THE WAY I LEFT THINGS WITH ROSS. |
| 201 | WISH I DIDN'T LIE TO HIM ABOUT HAVING TO WORK. |
| 202 | SEEMS SO MAD AT ME. |
| 203 | DON'T BE SO HARD ON YOURSELF. |
| 204 | IF SOMEONE I WAS STILL IN LOVE WITH WAS... |
| 205 | STILL IN LOVE WITH? |
| 206 | YEAH. |
| 207 | I'M NOT IN LOVE WITH ROSS. |
| 208 | OH. |
| 209 | NO, NO. GOOD. |
| 210 | ME NEITHER. |
| 211 | PHOEBE, I'M NOT GOING TO ROSS' WEDDING |
| 212 | BECAUSE HE'S MY EX-BOYFRIEND |
| 213 | AND THAT WOULD BE REALLY UNCOMFORTABLE. |
| 214 | NOT BECAUSE I'M STILL IN LOVE WITH HIM. |
| 215 | I MEAN, HEY, YOU KNOW, I LIKE ROSS AS MUCH AS THE NEXT GUY. |
| 216 | I MEAN, CLEARLY, I HAVE FEELINGS FOR HIM |
| 217 | BUT FEELINGS DON'T MEAN LOVE. |
| 218 | DO I STILL HAVE LOVING FEELINGS FOR ROSS? |
| 219 | YEAH! |
| 220 | BUT I HAVE CONTINUING FEELINGS OF LOVE |
| 221 | BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN THAT I'M STILL IN LOVE WITH HIM. |
| 222 | YOU KNOW, I HAVE SEXUAL FEELINGS FOR HIM |
| 223 | BUT I DO LOVE HIM. |
| 224 | ( gasps ) |
| 225 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 226 | OH, MY... |
| 227 | WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?! |
| 228 | W-WE THOUGHT YOU KNEW. |
| 229 | "WE"? |
| 230 | WE TALK ABOUT IT ALL THE TIME. |
| 231 | YOU ALL KNOW. |
| 232 | DOES ROSS KNOW? |
| 233 | OH, NO. ROSS DOESN'T KNOW ANYTHING. |
| 234 | I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU DIDN'T TELL ME! |
| 235 | WELL, 'CAUSE WE THOUGHT YOU KNEW. |
| 236 | IT'S SO OBVIOUS. |
| 237 | GOD, IT, IT WOULD BE LIKE, YOU KNOW, TELLING MONICA |
| 238 | "HEY, YOU KNOW, YOU LIKE THINGS CLEAN." |
| 239 | HI. |
| 240 | SO, WHAT ARE YOU |
| 241 | FINE GENTLEMEN IN THE MARKET FOR? |
| 242 | WE GOT SCARVES |
| 243 | SOUVENIR POSTCARDS... |
| 244 | CHECK THIS OUT, HUH? |
| 245 | OH, YEAH. |
| 246 | THAT'S THE STUFF. |
| 247 | WHAT DO YOU THINK? |
| 248 | I'M NOT GOING TO HAVE TO BUY |
| 249 | THAT "I'M WITH STUPID" T-SHIRT ANYMORE. |
| 250 | WELL, I LIKE IT. |
| 251 | HERE YOU GO. |
| 252 | YOU'RE NOT REALLY GOING TO BUY THAT. |
| 253 | YOU'VE EMBARRASSED ME ENOUGH FOR ONE DAY. |
| 254 | OH, I EMBARRASS YOU? |
| 255 | HOW CAN I ANSWER THAT |
| 256 | WHEN I'M PRETENDING I DON'T KNOW YOU? |
| 257 | HE'S JUST JEALOUS. YOU'LL FIT RIGHT IN. |
| 258 | ALL LONDONERS WEAR THEM. |
| 259 | OH, REALLY? THEN HOW COME |
| 260 | NO ONE HERE ANYWHERE IS WEARING ONE? |
| 261 | THEY'RE ALL TOURISTS. |
| 262 | YEAH. |
| 263 | LOOK, IF YOU INSIST ON WEARING THAT IN PUBLIC |
| 264 | YOU'RE GOING TO SPEND THE REST OF THE AFTERNOON |
| 265 | ALL BY YOURSELF. |
| 266 | OH, YEAH? |
| 267 | IF YOU'RE GOING TO MAKE ME CHOOSE |
| 268 | BETWEEN YOU AND THE HAT, I CHOOSE THE HAT. |
| 269 | GOOD CHOICE. THANKS. |
| 270 | OKAY, LOOK... |
| 271 | I'M OUT OF HERE. |
| 272 | I'M NOT GOING TO BE EMBARRASSED ANYMORE. |
| 273 | HELLO? |
| 274 | HEY, I JUST SPOKE TO YOUR DAD |
| 275 | AND HE THINKS WE'LL BE ABLE |
| 276 | TO FIND A NEW PLACE FOR THE WEDDING. |
| 277 | WE DON'T HAVE TO. |
| 278 | WH-WH-WHAT, YOU FOUND A PLACE? |
| 279 | NO, BUT MONICA AND I WERE TALKING |
| 280 | AND-AND I WAS SO UPSET ABOUT THE HALL BEING KNOCKED DOWN |
| 281 | AND SHE SUGGESTED |
| 282 | THAT WE JUST PUT THE WEDDING OFF FOR A BIT. |
| 283 | SHE SAID WHAT? |
| 284 | SHE SAID IF I'M NOT HAPPY |
| 285 | GETTING MARRIED SOMEWHERE THAT WE CAN FIND IN A DAY |
| 286 | WE SHOULD JUST POSTPONE IT. |
| 287 | ( chuckles ) |
| 288 | POSTPONE IT? |
| 289 | ( chuckles ) |
| 290 | EMILY, DO YOU THINK |
| 291 | MONICA REALIZES HOW MUCH OUR PARENTS SPENT |
| 292 | ON THIS WEDDING, HUH? |
| 293 | DO YOU THINK MY SISTER'S TEENY, TINY, LITTLE BRAIN COMPREHENDS |
| 294 | THAT PEOPLE TOOK TIME OUT OF THEIR LIVES |
| 295 | TO FLY THOUSANDS OF MILES TO BE HERE, HUH? |
| 296 | THIS ISN'T RIGHT. |
| 297 | LOOK, I REALIZE THAT PEOPLE |
| 298 | ARE GOING TO BE DISAPPOINTED... |
| 299 | ( chuckles wryly ) |
| 300 | BUT THEY'LL COME BACK WHEN WE CAN DO IT RIGHT. |
| 301 | WELL, I CAN'T ASK PEOPLE TO DO THAT. |
| 302 | WOULD YOU ASK PEOPLE TO DO THAT? |
| 303 | DON'T YOU POINT |
| 304 | YOUR PANTS AT ME. |
| 305 | WE HAVE NO CHOICE. |
| 306 | ANYWHERE HALF-DECENT WILL HAVE BEEN BOOKED MONTHS AGO. |
| 307 | DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND? |
| 308 | THIS IS OUR WEDDING I'M TALKING ABOUT. |
| 309 | THE ONLY THING I UNDERSTAND |
| 310 | IS POSTPONING IT IS NOT AN OPTION. |
| 311 | THIS IS WHEN WE'RE GETTING MARRIED. |
| 312 | SO, YOU'RE SAYING IT'S NOW OR NEVER? |
| 313 | NO, I'M SAYING IT'S NOW. |
| 314 | OR? |
| 315 | THERE'S NO "OR" IN MINE. |
| 316 | WHAT IS WRONG WITH THESE PANTS?! |
| 317 | IT'S NOT THE PANTS, IT'S YOU WHO'S BACKWARDS. |
| 318 | IF YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW IMPORTANT THIS IS TO ME |
| 319 | PERHAPS WE SHOULDN'T BE |
| 320 | GETTING MARRIED AT ALL. |
| 321 | WH... E-EMILY, NO. WAIT. |
| 322 | STOP. EMILY, PLEA... |
| 323 | ( shrieks ) |
| 324 | HEY. |
| 325 | SO, DID SHOPPING |
| 326 | HELP YOU FEEL ANY BETTER ABOUT ROSS? |
| 327 | MANHATTAN DOES NOT HAVE |
| 328 | ENOUGH STORES. |
| 329 | WELL, I THINK I CAN HELP YOU |
| 330 | GET OVER HIM. |
| 331 | YOU CAN? |
| 332 | YEAH. I JUST NEED YOU TO BRING ME |
| 333 | SOME PHOTOS OF ROSS, AND A SMALL PIECE OF CHOCOLATE |
| 334 | AND A GLASS OF TEPID WATER. |
| 335 | OOH, IS THIS ONE OF THOSE THINGS |
| 336 | WHERE YOU THROW A WHOLE BUNCH OF STUFF |
| 337 | IN A BAG WITH SOME GRAVEYARD DIRT |
| 338 | AND THEN HANG IT FROM A NORTH-FACING TREE? |
| 339 | ONLY IF YOU HAVE THE HICCUPS, TOO. |
| 340 | YEAH, THE PICTURES ARE FOR YOU. |
| 341 | THE CHOCOLATE |
| 342 | AND THE WATER'S FOR ME. |
| 343 | I JUST DIDN'T FEEL LIKE GETTING UP. |
| 344 | OKAY, I'M GOING TO SHOW YOU A PICTURE OF ROSS, OKAY? |
| 345 | AND YOU'RE GOING TO REMEMBER ALL THE BAD THINGS ABOUT HIM. |
| 346 | ALL RIGHT? REALLY FOCUS ON HIS FLAWS. |
| 347 | I CAN DO THAT. |
| 348 | I CERTAINLY DID THAT WHILE WE WERE GOING OUT. |
| 349 | OKAY. HMM, BEFORE WE GET STARTED |
| 350 | I JUST WANT TO SAY FOR THE RECORD |
| 351 | THAT I LOVE ROSS. |
| 352 | I THINK HE'S SUCH A GREAT GUY. |
| 353 | OKAY, NOW |
| 354 | CLOSE YOUR EYES |
| 355 | AND IMAGINE THAT YOU'RE WITH ROSS. |
| 356 | OKAY, AND IMAGINE THAT YOU'RE KISSING HIM |
| 357 | AND YOU'RE RUNNING YOUR HANDS ALL OVER HIS BODY |
| 358 | AND THEN YOU RUN YOUR HANDS THROUGH HIS HAIR |
| 359 | BUT, OH! EWW! GROSS! |
| 360 | IT'S SOME KIND OF GREASE. |
| 361 | IT'S GROSS! |
| 362 | HUH? |
| 363 | WELL, I DON'T KNOW. |
| 364 | HIS HAIR NEVER BOTHERED ME THAT MUCH. |
| 365 | AND, YOU KNOW, IT WAS ALWAYS MORE CRUNCHY THAN IT WAS GREASY. |
| 366 | OKAY. |
| 367 | THIS'LL BE HARDER THAN I THOUGHT. |
| 368 | UM, LET'S TRY SOME AVERSION THERAPY. |
| 369 | OKAY. OKAY? |
| 370 | SO LOOK AT THE PICTURE. |
| 371 | OKAY. ALL RIGHT. |
| 372 | AND, UM... |
| 373 | OW! |
| 374 | OKAY. HOW DO YOU FEEL NOW? |
| 375 | WELL, I LIKE YOU LESS. |
| 376 | HEY. |
| 377 | HEY. |
| 378 | OH. SORRY. |
| 379 | YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 380 | I'M SORRY. |
| 381 | I REALLY SHOULDN'T HAVE SAID |
| 382 | THAT YOU WERE EMBARRASSING ME. |
| 383 | THAT REALLY WASN'T COOL. |
| 384 | IF IT MAKES YOU FEEL ANY BETTER |
| 385 | I'VE HAD A REALLY LOUSY DAY. |
| 386 | ME, TOO. |
| 387 | YEAH? |
| 388 | NO! |
| 389 | I HAD THE BEST DAY EVER. |
| 390 | DUDE, CHECK THIS OUT. |
| 391 | HEY! |
| 392 | SHH, SHH. |
| 393 | Say hi to my friend and tell him you like my hat. |
| 394 | So what's your friend's name? |
| 395 | Chandler. |
| 396 | Okay. So, hi, Chandler. |
| 397 | THAT... THAT WAS... |
| 398 | THAT'S FERGIE, BABY! |
| 399 | Joey says you don't really like his hat |
| 400 | but I think it's kind of dashing. |
| 401 | WHEN DID YOU...? HOW...? |
| 402 | I WAS TRYING TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO GET TO BUCKINGHAM PALACE |
| 403 | SO I'M IN MY MAP, AND... |
| 404 | HEY. |
| 405 | HEY. |
| 406 | I UNDERSTAND YOU HAD A LITTLE TALK WITH EMILY. |
| 407 | YES, I DID. |
| 408 | AND YOU ARE WELCOME. |
| 409 | AM I? |
| 410 | AND WAS IT YOUR IDEA TO POSTPONE THE WEDDING? |
| 411 | UM... |
| 412 | I'M GOING TO GO TO THE BATHROOM. |
| 413 | WAIT UP. |
| 414 | HEY, HEY. |
| 415 | SINCE YOU'RE THE FIX-IT LADY |
| 416 | HERE'S A PICKLE. |
| 417 | WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN THE BRIDE SAYS |
| 418 | SHE DOESN'T WANT TO HAVE THE WEDDING AT ALL? |
| 419 | SHE SAID THAT? |
| 420 | YEAH. |
| 421 | WHY? |
| 422 | I DON'T KNOW. |
| 423 | I TOLD HER IT WAS STUPID |
| 424 | TO PUT OFF THE WEDDING JUST BECAUSE THE HALL WAS GONE |
| 425 | AND SHE LIKE FLIPPED OUT. |
| 426 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 427 | YOU'RE EVEN DUMBER THAN I AM. |
| 428 | EXCUSE ME? |
| 429 | ROSS, HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN PLANNING THIS WEDDING? |
| 430 | I DON'T KNOW. A MONTH. |
| 431 | EMILY HAS PROBABLY BEEN PLANNING IT SINCE SHE WAS FIVE-- |
| 432 | EVER SINCE THE FIRST TIME SHE TOOK A PILLOWCASE |
| 433 | AND HUNG IT OFF THE BACK OF HER HEAD. |
| 434 | THAT'S WHAT WE DID. |
| 435 | WE DREAMED ABOUT THE PERFECT WEDDING... |
| 436 | AND THE PERFECT PLACE... |
| 437 | WITH THE PERFECT FOUR-TIERED WEDDING CAKE... |
| 438 | WITH THE LITTLE PEOPLE ON TOP. |
| 439 | BUT THE MOST IMPORTANT PART |
| 440 | IS THAT WE HAD THE PERFECT GUY |
| 441 | WHO UNDERSTOOD JUST HOW IMPORTANT |
| 442 | ALL THAT OTHER STUFF WAS. |
| 443 | I HAD NO IDEA. |
| 444 | THAT PILLOWCASE THING? |
| 445 | I THOUGHT YOU GUYS WERE JUST DOING THE FLYING NUN. |
| 446 | SOMETIMES WE WERE. |
| 447 | COME ON. |
| 448 | YOU'RE GOING TO HELP ME FIGURE OUT WHAT TO DO, OKAY? |
| 449 | OKAY. |
| 450 | COME ON. |
| 451 | WELL, PRETTY INTENSE, HUH? |
| 452 | YEAH. |
| 453 | HEY, I HOPE ROSS DIDN'T THINK WE JUST WENT IN THERE |
| 454 | BECAUSE WE WERE UNCOMFORTABLE BEING OUT HERE. |
| 455 | I HOPE HE DID. |
| 456 | ( phone ringing ) |
| 457 | HELLO. |
| 458 | HEY, PHEEBS. IT'S JOEY. |
| 459 | HEY, JOEY. HEY, OH. |
| 460 | OH, I JUST SAW SOMEONE |
| 461 | THAT LOOKS JUST LIKE YOU ON THE SUBWAY |
| 462 | AND I WAS GOING TO GO OVER AND SAY HI |
| 463 | BUT THEN I FIGURED, HE DOESN'T CARE HE LOOKS LIKE YOU. |
| 464 | THAT JUST COST ME FOUR BUCKS. |
| 465 | BUT, LISTEN, I JUST CALLED |
| 466 | TO SEE HOW THE CHICK AND THE DUCK ARE DOING. |
| 467 | THEY'RE HAVING A GREAT TIME WITH THEIR AUNT PHOEBE. |
| 468 | AUNT RACHEL |
| 469 | HASN'T BEEN HELPFUL AT ALL. |
| 470 | SO DO YOU MISS ME? |
| 471 | KIND OF, BUT I'VE JUST BEEN HAVING WAY TOO MUCH FUN. |
| 472 | OH, SO YOU'RE NOT HOMESICK YET? |
| 473 | NO. I DON'T THINK SO. |
| 474 | ALL RIGHT, WELL, THE SEVEN OF US MISS YOU. |
| 475 | WHO'S SEVEN? |
| 476 | WELL, YOU KNOW, ME, RACHEL |
| 477 | THE BIRDS, THE BABIES. |
| 478 | AW, THE BABIES MISS ME? |
| 479 | ( knocking ) PIZZA GUY'S HERE. |
| 480 | YOU ORDERED PIZZA WITHOUT ME? |
| 481 | YEAH, BUT, YOU KNOW, WE WERE THINKING ABOUT YOU. |
| 482 | YOU KNOW, WE ORDERED THE JOEY SPECIAL. |
| 483 | TWO PIZZAS? |
| 484 | ( door closing ) |
| 485 | YEP. |
| 486 | OKAY, GOT TO GO. |
| 487 | TALK TO YOU LATER. |
| 488 | WAIT. WHERE DID YOU GET IT FROM? |
| 489 | ♪ ...Where everybody knows your name ♪ |
| 490 | ( bouncy tune ) |
| 491 | ♪ And they're always glad you came ♪ |
| 492 | ♪ You want to be where you can see ♪ |
| 493 | ♪ Troubles are all the same ♪ |
| 494 | ♪ You want to be where everybody knows your name. ♪ |
| 495 | MONICA, WHY HAVE YOU |
| 496 | BROUGHT ME HERE OF ALL PLACES? |
| 497 | YOU'LL SEE. |
| 498 | I TELL YOU, THIS WEDDING |
| 499 | IS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. |
| 500 | OH, GOD. |
| 501 | OKAY, BUT IMAGINE A LOT MORE LIGHTS, OKAY? |
| 502 | AND... AND, YOU KNOW, FEWER BRICKS, AND... |
| 503 | AND FLOWERS AND CANDLES. |
| 504 | AND THE MUSICIANS-- THEY CAN GO OVER HERE |
| 505 | AND THE CHAIRS-- THEY CAN FACE THIS WAY |
| 506 | AND... |
| 507 | YOU GO. |
| 508 | BUT... BUT IF YOU DON'T LOVE THIS |
| 509 | THEN WE'LL DO IT ANY OTHER PLACE, ANY OTHER TIME. |
| 510 | REALLY, IT'S FINE. WHATEVER YOU WANT. |
| 511 | IT'S PERFECT. |
| 512 | AND, I DON'T KNOW, IF IT STARTS TO RAIN... |
| 513 | WELL, THEN WE'LL GET WET. |
| 514 | OH... |
| 515 | I DON'T EVEN HAVE A DATE. |
| 516 | Rachel: PHEEBS? |
| 517 | YEAH? |
| 518 | YOU REMEMBER WHERE THE DUCK FOOD IS? |
| 519 | IT'S IN THE GUYS' APARTMENT UNDER THE SINK. WHY? |
| 520 | 'CAUSE I'M GOING TO LONDON. |
| 521 | WHAT?! |
| 522 | WHAT DO YOU MEAN? |
| 523 | I HAVE TO TELL ROSS THAT I LOVE HIM. |
| 524 | NOW, HONEY, YOU TAKE CARE. |
| 525 | YOU DON'T HAVE THOSE BABIES TILL I GET BACK. |
| 526 | RACHEL, YOU CAN'T GO. |
| 527 | ROSS LOVES EMILY. |
| 528 | I KNOW. I KNOW HE DOES |
| 529 | BUT I HAVE TO TELL HIM HOW I FEEL. |
| 530 | HE DESERVES TO HAVE ALL OF THE INFORMATION |
| 531 | AND THEN HE CAN MAKE AN INFORMED DECISION. |
| 532 | THAT'S NOT WHY YOU'RE GOING. |
| 533 | YOU'RE GOING BECAUSE YOU HOPE HE'S GOING TO SAY |
| 534 | "YEAH, I LOVE YOU, TOO, RACH. |
| 535 | FORGET ABOUT THAT BRITISH CHIPPY." |
| 536 | DO YOU THINK HE WILL? |
| 537 | NO, BECAUSE HE'S IN LOVE WITH THE BRITISH CHIPPY. |
| 538 | RACHEL, IF YOU GO |
| 539 | YOU'RE JUST GOING TO MESS WITH HIS HEAD |
| 540 | AND RUIN HIS WEDDING. |
| 541 | YOU KNOW, IT'S TOO LATE. |
| 542 | YOU MISSED YOUR CHANCE. |
| 543 | I'M SORRY. |
| 544 | I KNOW THIS MUST BE REALLY HARD. |
| 545 | IT'S OVER. |
| 546 | YOU KNOW WHAT? NO. |
| 547 | IT'S NOT OVER UNTIL SOMEONE SAYS, "I DO." |
| 548 | I DO. |
| 549 | I DO. I DO. |
| 550 | I DO! I DO! |
| 551 | ( groans ) |
| 552 | YEAH, LIKE I CAN REALLY CHASE YOU. |
| 553 | I'M CARRYING A LITTER. |
| 554 | |
| 1 | PREVIOUSLY ON "FRIENDS"... |
| 2 | I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WON'T BE THERE. |
| 3 | WHY NOT TAKE TWO DAYS OFF? |
| 4 | BECAUSE I CAN'T, ROSS. |
| 5 | THIS IS MY WEDDING. |
| 6 | I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE |
| 7 | WHERE YOU'RE GETTING MARRIED. |
| 8 | IT'S THE MOST BEAUTIFUL PLACE. |
| 9 | IT'S RIGHT OVER... |
| 10 | OH, MY GOD! |
| 11 | POSTPONING IT IS NOT AN OPTION. |
| 12 | THIS WEDDING WON'T HAPPEN. |
| 13 | IF YOU DON'T LOVE THIS |
| 14 | WE'LL DO IT ANY OTHER PLACE, ANY OTHER TIME. |
| 15 | REALLY, IT'S FINE. |
| 16 | IT'S PERFECT. |
| 17 | I'M GOING TO LONDON. |
| 18 | WHAT?! |
| 19 | IT'S NOT OVER |
| 20 | UNTIL SOMEONE SAYS "I DO." |
| 21 | I DO! |
| 22 | I DO, I DO! |
| 23 | RACHEL, NO! |
| 24 | ( phone ringing ) |
| 25 | THE WALTHAM RESIDENCE. |
| 26 | HI. IS THIS EMILY'S PARENTS HOUSE? |
| 27 | This is the housekeeper speaking. |
| 28 | BY THE WAY, YOUNG LADY |
| 29 | THAT IS NOT HOW ONE ADDRESSES A PERSON |
| 30 | ON THE TELEPHONE. |
| 31 | First, one identifies oneself |
| 32 | AND THEN ASKS FOR THE PERSON WITH WHOM ONE WISHES TO SPEAK. |
| 33 | ( British accent ): THIS IS PHOEBE BUFFAY. |
| 34 | I WAS WONDERING, PLEASE |
| 35 | IF IT'S NOT TOO MUCH TROUBLE, PLEASE |
| 36 | MIGHT I SPEAK WITH MISS EMILY WALTHAM, PLEASE? |
| 37 | MISS WALTHAM IS AT THE REHEARSAL DINNER |
| 38 | AND IT IS NOT POLITE TO MAKE FUN OF PEOPLE. |
| 39 | GOOD-BYE. |
| 40 | I'LL BE NICE, I SWEAR. |
| 41 | JUST GIVE ME THE NUMBER FOR WHERE THEY ARE. |
| 42 | I'M AFRAID I'M NOT AT LIBERTY TO DIVULGE THAT INFORMATION. |
| 43 | SOMEBODY IS ON THEIR WAY TO RUIN THE WEDDING. |
| 44 | I HAVE TO WARN SOMEBODY. |
| 45 | SO IF YOU DON'T GIVE ME THAT NUMBER |
| 46 | I'LL COME OVER THERE AND KICK YOUR SNOOTY ASS |
| 47 | ALL THE WAY TO NEW... GLOUCKENSHIRE. |
| 48 | HELLO? |
| 49 | HELLO?! |
| 50 | OOH, SHE KNEW I COULD KICK HER ASS. |
| 51 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 52 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 53 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 54 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 55 | ♪ WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY ♪ |
| 56 | ♪ YOUR WEEK, YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 57 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 58 | ♪ WHEN THE RAIN STARTS TO POUR ♪ |
| 59 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 60 | ♪ LIKE I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE ♪ |
| 61 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 62 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME, TOO. ♪ |
| 63 | HEY. HI... |
| 64 | SWEETHEART. |
| 65 | MOM... DAD... |
| 66 | OH, SORRY WE'RE LATE. |
| 67 | MY FAULT. I INSISTED ON RIDING THE TUBE. |
| 68 | JUDY, THE KIDS. |
| 69 | JACK, THAT'S WHAT THEY CALL THE SUBWAY. |
| 70 | OH. I THOUGHT... |
| 71 | DAD, DAD, WE GOT IT, WE GOT IT. |
| 72 | OH, HERE COMES MY DAD AND STEPMOM. |
| 73 | MR. AND MRS. GELLER... |
| 74 | HI, HOW ARE YOU? |
| 75 | THIS IS STEVEN... AND ANDREA WALTHAM. |
| 76 | HOW DO YOU DO? VERY NICE TO MEET YOU. |
| 77 | DARLING, THE GELLERS. |
| 78 | DARLING, IT'S THE GELLERS. |
| 79 | SHE'S VERY SELF- INVOLVED, YOU KNOW. |
| 80 | I SHOULD NEVER HAVE MARRIED HER. |
| 81 | SORRY, WHAT? |
| 82 | IT'S THE GELLERS. |
| 83 | WHERE? |
| 84 | WELL, THAT'S ONE |
| 85 | AND THERE'S ANOTHER ONE. |
| 86 | LOVELY TO MEET YOU. |
| 87 | TERRIBLY NICE OF YOU |
| 88 | TO PAY FOR HALF THE WEDDING. |
| 89 | THE HELL WITH TRADITION. |
| 90 | WE'RE HAPPY TO DO IT. |
| 91 | WE KNOW HOW EXPENSIVE WEDDINGS CAN BE. |
| 92 | BESIDES, THIS MAY BE THE ONLY WEDDING |
| 93 | WE GET TO THROW. |
| 94 | A JOKE THAT'S FUNNY IN ALL COUNTRIES. |
| 95 | SIR? |
| 96 | WHAT'S IN IT? |
| 97 | GOAT CHEESE, WATERCRESS AND PANCETTA. |
| 98 | THAT'S NOT FOOD. |
| 99 | NO, I DON'T, NO... |
| 100 | EVERYTHING'S DIFFERENT HERE. |
| 101 | I WANT TO GO HOME. |
| 102 | I-I... MISS MY FAMILY. |
| 103 | I MISS THE COFFEEHOUSE. |
| 104 | I CAN'T EVEN REMEMBER WHAT PHOEBE LOOKS LIKE. |
| 105 | JOEY, IT'S BEEN THREE DAYS. |
| 106 | OKAY, YOU'RE JUST... |
| 107 | JUST A LITTLE HOMESICK. |
| 108 | OKAY, WOULD YOU JUST TRY TO RELAX AND JUST... |
| 109 | JUST ENJOY YOURSELF. |
| 110 | YOU'RE DIFFERENT HERE, TOO. |
| 111 | YOU'RE MEAN IN ENGLAND. |
| 112 | WHAT THE HELL! |
| 113 | WHAT'S UP, DAD? |
| 114 | THIS BILL FOR MY HALF OF THE WEDDING. |
| 115 | IT'S INSANE. |
| 116 | HOW CAN IT BE SO MUCH? |
| 117 | THE RECEPTION'S AT THEIR HOUSE. |
| 118 | FLOWERS, LIQUOR, RECARPET FIRST FLOOR. |
| 119 | NEW GUEST BATH. |
| 120 | LANDSCAPING. |
| 121 | I'M PAYING TO REMODEL THIS GUY'S HOUSE. |
| 122 | I'M GOING TO GIVE THAT SON OF A BITCH |
| 123 | A PIECE OF MY MIND. |
| 124 | DAD. |
| 125 | COME ON. PLEASE |
| 126 | I DON'T WANT ANYTHING TO UPSET EMILY TONIGHT. |
| 127 | SHE'S HAD A HARD ENOUGH COUPLE OF DAYS AS IT IS. |
| 128 | HERE. HERE. LET ME GO TALK TO HIM, OKAY? |
| 129 | WELL, YOU TELL THEM |
| 130 | NO ONE TAKES ADVANTAGE OF THE GELLERS. |
| 131 | OOH, JACK. |
| 132 | SOMETIMES I FORGET HOW POWERFUL YOU CAN BE. |
| 133 | AND I'M GOING TO GO GET DRUNK. |
| 134 | OOH, OOH, OOH! |
| 135 | HI. |
| 136 | HELLO. |
| 137 | HELLO. |
| 138 | UM, WHEN IS YOUR NEXT FLIGHT TO LONDON? |
| 139 | THERE'S ONE LEAVING IN 30 MINUTES |
| 140 | AND I DO HAVE ONE SEAT LEFT. |
| 141 | OH, THANK YOU, THANK YOU. |
| 142 | THE LAST-MINUTE FARE ON THIS TICKET IS $2,700. |
| 143 | OH. I JUST DON'T THINK |
| 144 | I HAVE ENOUGH LEFT ON MY CREDIT CARD. |
| 145 | WELL, YOU CAN SPLIT IT WITH ANOTHER CREDIT CARD. |
| 146 | WELL, OKAY, HOW ABOUT FIVE? |
| 147 | OH, THANK YOU. |
| 148 | I'M JUST GOING TO NEED TO SEE YOUR PASSPORT. |
| 149 | OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 150 | I DON'T HAVE IT BUT I CAN TELL YOU |
| 151 | EXACTLY WHERE IT IS ON MY NIGHTSTAND |
| 152 | AND... OKAY. |
| 153 | BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 154 | OKAY, I HAVE MY... I HAVE MY DRIVER'S LICENSE |
| 155 | AND I HAVE A 20. |
| 156 | LOOK, FACE IT: MY FATHER IS NOT GOING TO PAY |
| 157 | FOR THE BUILT-IN BARBECUE |
| 158 | AND BELIEVE ME, YOU CAN KISS YOUR GAZEBO GOOD-BYE. |
| 159 | NOW, I MIGHT BE ABLE TO GET YOU THE NEW LAWN. |
| 160 | AH, THEN YOU HAVE TO GIVE US THE LAWN ORNAMENTS. |
| 161 | I GO BACK THERE WITH LAWN ORNAMENTS |
| 162 | HE'S GOING TO LAUGH IN MY FACE. |
| 163 | WILL YOU SAY SOMETHING, STEVEN?! |
| 164 | PLEASE. |
| 165 | DON'T TAKE THAT TONE WITH ME. |
| 166 | ALL-ALL RIGHT, YOU CAN. |
| 167 | HI, PHEEBS. |
| 168 | OH, THANK GOD, YOU CHANGED YOUR MIND. |
| 169 | YOU PROBABLY WANT TO BE ALONE |
| 170 | AND YOU DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT. |
| 171 | I WANT YOU TO KNOW I THINK YOU'RE DOING THE RIGHT THING. |
| 172 | BYE, PHEEBS! |
| 173 | WAIT, WHERE ARE YOU GOING?! |
| 174 | WHAT ARE YOU DOING? NO! WAIT! |
| 175 | GOD! WHY AM I ALWAYS PREGNANT WHEN SHE DOES THAT?! |
| 176 | I'D LIKE TO TOAST ROSS AND EMILY. |
| 177 | OF COURSE, MY BIG TOAST |
| 178 | WILL BE TOMORROW AT THE WEDDING |
| 179 | SO THIS IS KIND OF MY LITTLE TOAST |
| 180 | OR MELBA TOAST, IF YOU WILL. |
| 181 | OKAY. |
| 182 | I'VE KNOWN ROSS FOR A LONG TIME. |
| 183 | IN FACT, I KNEW HIM WHEN HE WAS GOING OUT |
| 184 | WITH HIS FIRST GIRLFRIEND |
| 185 | AND I THOUGHT THINGS |
| 186 | WERE GOING TO WORK OUT FOR THEM-- |
| 187 | UNTIL HE OVERINFLATED HER. |
| 188 | OH, DEAR GOD. |
| 189 | WHAT? |
| 190 | ( phone ringing ) |
| 191 | HELLO, WALTHAM INTERIORS. |
| 192 | OH, HI. MRS. WALTHAM? |
| 193 | I NEED TO SPEAK WITH EITHER ONE OF THE BEST MEN |
| 194 | OR ROSS'S SISTER, MONICA. |
| 195 | WHO IS THIS? |
| 196 | OH, I'M PHOEBE BUFFAY. |
| 197 | I'M ONE OF ROSS'S BEST FRIENDS. |
| 198 | IF YOU'RE ONE OF ROSS'S BEST FRIENDS |
| 199 | WHY AREN'T YOU HERE? |
| 200 | I CAN'T FLY. I'M HAVING MY BROTHER'S BABIES. |
| 201 | OH. |
| 202 | AM I ON THE RADIO? |
| 203 | NO. UM... |
| 204 | COULD I TALK TO ONE OF THEM? |
| 205 | IT'S VERY, VERY IMPORTANT. |
| 206 | NO, I'M BORED WITH YOU NOW. |
| 207 | I'M GOING TO CUT YOU OFF. |
| 208 | OH! |
| 209 | AND I'M SURE WE'RE ALL VERY EXCITED |
| 210 | THAT ROSS AND EMILY ARE GETTING MARRIED AT MONTGOMERY HALL. |
| 211 | TO THINK-- MY FRIEND GETTING MARRIED IN MONTY HALL. |
| 212 | OH, COME ON. MONTY HALL. |
| 213 | LET'S MAKE A DEAL! |
| 214 | COME ON, YOU PEOPLE! |
| 215 | ALL RIGHT, FORGET IT. |
| 216 | CONGRATULATIONS, ROSS AND EMILY. |
| 217 | OKAY. |
| 218 | HEY, BEST MAN NUMBER TWO, JOEY TRIBBIANI. |
| 219 | ALL RIGHT, I'M NOT GOOD WITH THE JOKES |
| 220 | LIKE CHANDLER HERE. |
| 221 | BOY... |
| 222 | BUT, UH... |
| 223 | I JUST WANT TO SAY |
| 224 | CONGRATULATIONS TO THE HAPPY COUPLE. |
| 225 | I FIRST MET ROSS |
| 226 | IN THIS COFFEEHOUSE BACK HOME... |
| 227 | HOME... YEAH. |
| 228 | NEW YORK CITY. |
| 229 | WHERE EVERYBODY KNOWS MY NAME. |
| 230 | WELL, ANYWAY... |
| 231 | UH... I LOVE YOU GUYS... |
| 232 | BUT NOT AS MUCH AS I LOVE AMERICA. |
| 233 | COULD WE PLEASE GO HOME NOW? |
| 234 | ARE YOU GOING HOME? |
| 235 | I WAS HOPING TO GET TO KNOW YOU BETTER. |
| 236 | I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE, SWEETHEART. |
| 237 | I WAS LAUGHING. |
| 238 | OUT LOUD? |
| 239 | WELL, I DIDN'T WANT EVERYONE TO THINK I WAS STUPID. |
| 240 | SO HOW YOU DOING? |
| 241 | MY MOTHER'S DRIVING ME CRAZY. |
| 242 | BUT ROSS IS GETTING MARRIED. I'M HAPPY. |
| 243 | I'M NOT GOING TO LET ANYTHING SPOIL THAT. |
| 244 | I JUST WANT TO SAY THAT ROSS IS A WONDERFUL YOUNG MAN. |
| 245 | THANKS. WE LIKE HIM. |
| 246 | MY GOD. |
| 247 | YOU MUST HAVE BEEN A TEENAGER WHEN YOU HAD HIM. |
| 248 | THERE'S NO WAY IN HELL I'M PAYING FOR IT. |
| 249 | LOOK, WE'RE DOWN TO JUST ONE POINT. |
| 250 | COULD WE PLEASE MAYBE JUST SETTLE IT AFTER THE WEDDING? |
| 251 | ALL RIGHT, BUT I JUST WANT TO SAY |
| 252 | I'M NOT PAYING FOR YOUR WINE CELLAR |
| 253 | YOU THIEVING, WOULD-BE-SPEAKING-GERMAN-IF-IT- WEREN'T-FOR-US |
| 254 | CHEAP LITTLE MAN. |
| 255 | THE GUY WAS HAMMERED, OKAY? |
| 256 | THERE'S NO WAY YOU LOOK LIKE ROSS'S MOTHER. |
| 257 | THEN WHY WOULD HE SAY IT? |
| 258 | BECAUSE HE'S CRAZY, OKAY? |
| 259 | HE CAME UP TO ME EARLIER AND THANKED ME |
| 260 | FOR MY VERY MOVING PERFORMANCE IN TITANIC. |
| 261 | OH, MY MOTHER'S RIGHT. |
| 262 | I'M NEVER GOING TO GET MARRIED. |
| 263 | YOU KNOW WHAT? THAT IS... |
| 264 | WHO WOULDN'T WANT YOU? |
| 265 | OH, PLEASE. |
| 266 | I'M A SINGLE MOM WITH A 30-YEAR-OLD SON. |
| 267 | I'M GETTING MARRIED TODAY! |
| 268 | WHOO-HOO! |
| 269 | MORNING, ROSS. |
| 270 | I'M GETTING MARRIED-- TODAY! |
| 271 | YEAH, YOU ARE! |
| 272 | WHOO-HOO! |
| 273 | DO YOU THINK HE KNEW I WAS HERE? |
| 274 | WELL, I'VE-I'VE NEVER DONE THAT WITH YOU BEFORE. |
| 275 | ( chuckling ): NOPE. |
| 276 | SO, UH, HOW ARE YA? |
| 277 | HOW YA... HOW YA... YOU OKAY? |
| 278 | YEP, YEP. |
| 279 | YOU? |
| 280 | OH, YES, YES. |
| 281 | UH-HUH. |
| 282 | YOU? |
| 283 | WE DID YOU. |
| 284 | WELL... |
| 285 | I BETTER GET GOING. |
| 286 | OH, YEAH, YEAH. |
| 287 | ABSOLUTELY, YEAH. |
| 288 | COULD YOU NOT LOOK? |
| 289 | I DON'T WANT TO LOOK. |
| 290 | ( sighing ) |
| 291 | ( rhythmic tapping ) |
| 292 | UH... UH, EXCUSE ME. |
| 293 | YEAH? |
| 294 | IF YOU'RE PLANNING ON DOING THAT |
| 295 | THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE FLIGHT |
| 296 | PLEASE TELL ME NOW, SO THAT I CAN |
| 297 | TAKE A SEDATIVE. |
| 298 | OR MAYBE SLIP YOU ONE. |
| 299 | SORRY. |
| 300 | IT'S JUST THAT I'M, UH... I'M KIND OF EXCITED. |
| 301 | I'M, UH, I'M GOING TO LONDON |
| 302 | TO, UH, TO TELL THIS GUY THAT I LOVE HIM. |
| 303 | ( phone rings ) |
| 304 | HELLO? |
| 305 | HEY! WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN? |
| 306 | HEY! I SPENT THE NIGHT OUT. |
| 307 | I MET THIS CUTE BRIDESMAID. |
| 308 | SHE IS SO... |
| 309 | I don't want |
| 310 | TO HEAR ABOUT HER. |
| 311 | AH, PHEEBS, YOU KNOW YOU'RE STILL MY NUMBER-ONE GIRL. |
| 312 | NO! NO, WE HAVE AN EMERGENCY, OKAY? |
| 313 | RACHEL'S COMING TO LONDON. |
| 314 | OH, GREAT! |
| 315 | NO, IT'S NOT GREAT, NO! |
| 316 | SHE'S COMING TO TELL ROSS THAT SHE LOVES HIM! |
| 317 | BUT... HE LOVES EMILY. |
| 318 | I KNOW THAT! |
| 319 | YOU HAVE TO STOP HER! |
| 320 | She'll ruin the wedding! |
| 321 | OKAY. |
| 322 | SO I'VE DONE MY PART, OKAY? |
| 323 | IT'S YOUR RESPONSIBILITY NOW. |
| 324 | THE BURDEN IS OFF ME, RIGHT? |
| 325 | RIGHT. |
| 326 | SO TELL ME ABOUT THIS GIRL. |
| 327 | HEY, HAVE YOU SEEN MONICA? |
| 328 | I'M NOT SEEING MONICA. |
| 329 | WHAT? |
| 330 | WHAT? |
| 331 | WE GOT TO FIND HER. PHOEBE JUST CALLED. |
| 332 | RACHEL'S COMING TO TELL ROSS SHE LOVES HIM! |
| 333 | OH, MY GOD! WE GOT TO |
| 334 | FIND MONICA-- KNOW WHERE SHE IS? |
| 335 | NO, OKAY?! WHAT'S WITH THE THIRD DEGREE?! |
| 336 | WHY DON'T YOU JUST SHINE A LIGHT IN MY EYES?! |
| 337 | ...AND SO THEN I REALIZED |
| 338 | ALL THIS STUFF THAT I HAD BEEN DOING: |
| 339 | PROPOSING TO JOSHUA |
| 340 | LYING TO ROSS ABOUT WHY I COULDN'T COME TO THE WEDDING |
| 341 | WAS ALL JUST A WAY OF... |
| 342 | OH! OH! OH! |
| 343 | I'M SORRY. |
| 344 | CAN I INTERRUPT? |
| 345 | YEAH, I JUST WANT TO SAY THAT YOU... |
| 346 | ARE A HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE PERSON. |
| 347 | EH, P-P-PARDON ME? |
| 348 | YOU SAY YOU LOVE THIS MAN |
| 349 | YET YOU'RE ABOUT TO RUIN THE HAPPIEST DAY OF HIS LIFE. |
| 350 | I'M AFRAID I HAVE TO AGREE WITH YOUR FRIEND PHEEBS. |
| 351 | THIS IS A... THIS IS A TERRIBLE, TERRIBLE PLAN. |
| 352 | BUT HE HAS TO KNOW HOW I FEEL! |
| 353 | BUT WHY? |
| 354 | HE LOVES THIS... THIS EMILY PERSON. |
| 355 | NO GOOD CAN COME OF THIS. |
| 356 | ( gasping softly ) |
| 357 | I THINK YOU'RE WRONG. |
| 358 | OH, NO! |
| 359 | OH, BY THE WAY, IT SEEMS |
| 360 | TO BE PERFECTLY CLEAR THAT YOU WERE ON A BREAK. |
| 361 | ( gasping ) |
| 362 | OH, MY GOD! |
| 363 | IT'S LIKE A FAIRYLAND. |
| 364 | I KNOW. |
| 365 | IT'S HORRIBLE, ISN'T IT? |
| 366 | WELL, I LOVE IT. |
| 367 | I ONLY HOPE MY WEDDING LOOKS THIS GOOD. |
| 368 | I JUST HOPE... |
| 369 | YOU CAN LET SOME OF THEM GO BY. |
| 370 | ( whispering ): PSST! MONICA! |
| 371 | WE REALLY NEED TO START LOOKING OUT FOR RACHEL. |
| 372 | I'LL COVER THE FRONT DOOR. |
| 373 | YOU WATCH THAT BIG HOLE AT THE BACK OF THE BUILDING |
| 374 | AND I GOT CHANDLER COVERING ROSS. |
| 375 | WHY WOULD I CARE WHERE CHANDLER IS? |
| 376 | YOU KNOW, UH... |
| 377 | SOMETIMES I DON'T EVEN LIKE CHANDLER. |
| 378 | OKAY. |
| 379 | Ross: I DO. |
| 380 | I DO. |
| 381 | I DO. |
| 382 | OH, YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT; IT'S THE SECOND ONE. |
| 383 | REALLY? |
| 384 | HELLO, JOEY. |
| 385 | HEY, FELICITY. |
| 386 | UM, I THOUGHT ABOUT YOU ALL DAY. |
| 387 | YEAH? |
| 388 | ( giggling ): TALK NEW YORK TO ME AGAIN. |
| 389 | FUGGETABOUTIT... |
| 390 | MMM.... |
| 391 | ( deep voice): HOW YOU DOIN'? |
| 392 | MMM! |
| 393 | OH, YEAH... |
| 394 | THERE'S NOTHING TO DISCUSS. |
| 395 | WE'RE NOT PAYING FOR YOUR WINE CELLAR. |
| 396 | YOU HAVE TO MEET ME IN THE MIDDLE HERE. |
| 397 | YOU KEEP PUSHING |
| 398 | MY FOOT WILL MEET YOUR ASS! |
| 399 | Ross: DAD! |
| 400 | WHAT'S GOING ON?! |
| 401 | NOTHING, NOTHING. |
| 402 | EVERYTHING'S UNDER CONTROL. |
| 403 | YOU WANT A PIECE OF ME, SIR? |
| 404 | IS THAT WHAT YOU'RE SAYING? |
| 405 | YOU WANT A PIECE OF ME? |
| 406 | Ross: THAT'S IT! |
| 407 | PARENTS! PARENTS! BACK AWAY! |
| 408 | ALL RIGHT, THIS IS OUR WEDDING DAY! |
| 409 | FROM NOW ON, EVERYONE GETS ALONG |
| 410 | AND IF I HEAR ONE MORE WORD |
| 411 | NO GRANDCHILDREN. |
| 412 | THAT'S RIGHT! |
| 413 | OKAY, OKAY. |
| 414 | SORRY, OLD BOY, SORRY. |
| 415 | SORRY, SORRY. |
| 416 | ( muttering ): I COULD KILL YOU WITH MY THUMB, YOU KNOW. |
| 417 | WHAT WAS ALL THAT ABOUT? |
| 418 | ( sighing ): IT WAS THIS DISAGREEMENT OVER... |
| 419 | ( sighing ) |
| 420 | MY GOD, YOU... YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL. |
| 421 | OH... |
| 422 | YOU ARE NOT MEANT TO SEE ME BEFORE THE WEDDING. |
| 423 | IT'S BAD LUCK. |
| 424 | YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 425 | I THINK WE'VE HAD |
| 426 | ALL THE BAD LUCK WE'RE GOING TO HAVE. |
| 427 | OOH... |
| 428 | MY GOD! RACHEL! |
| 429 | ( laughing ) |
| 430 | YOU'RE HERE. |
| 431 | I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! |
| 432 | WHAT HAPPENED? |
| 433 | WHY ARE YOU HERE? |
| 434 | WELL, I JUST CAME... |
| 435 | I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU... |
| 436 | CONGRATULATIONS. |
| 437 | ( acoustic folk music playing) |
| 438 | ( phone ringing ) |
| 439 | WALTHAM INTERIORS. |
| 440 | Mrs. Waltham, hi. |
| 441 | It's Phoebe again. |
| 442 | CAN I PLEASE TALK TO ONE OF THE BEST MEN? |
| 443 | THIS IS THE LAST TIME, I PROMISE. |
| 444 | JOEY, THERE'S A GIRL ON THE PHONE FOR YOU. |
| 445 | GREAT! |
| 446 | HELLO. |
| 447 | Joey, it's Phoebe. |
| 448 | DID YOU STOP RACHEL? |
| 449 | It's okay. |
| 450 | SHE JUST CAME AND GAVE HIM A HUG. |
| 451 | SO, NOTHING GOT RUINED? |
| 452 | No. |
| 453 | OH, THAT'S SO GREAT! |
| 454 | SO, WHAT'S GOING ON NOW? |
| 455 | UH... I'M WALKING DOWN THE AISLE. |
| 456 | STILL WALKING. |
| 457 | NOW, I'M AT THE FRONT WITH ROSS. |
| 458 | IT'S PHOEBE. |
| 459 | HE LOOKS PRETTY MAD. |
| 460 | UH... I BETTER GO. |
| 461 | NO, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT! |
| 462 | HOLD IT UP SO I CAN LISTEN! |
| 463 | WHAT WE DID LAST NIGHT WAS... |
| 464 | STUPID. |
| 465 | TOTALLY CRAZY AND STUPID. |
| 466 | WHAT WERE WE THINKING? |
| 467 | BUT I'M COMING TO YOUR ROOM TONIGHT, RIGHT? |
| 468 | OH, YEAH, DEFINITELY. |
| 469 | ( playing "Here Comes The Bride" ) |
| 470 | FRIENDS |
| 471 | FAMILY, WE'RE GATHERED TO CELEBRATE HERE TODAY |
| 472 | THE JOYOUS UNION OF ROSS AND EMILY. |
| 473 | MAY THE HAPPINESS |
| 474 | we share with them today |
| 475 | BE WITH THEM ALWAYS. |
| 476 | NOW, EMILY, REPEAT AFTER ME. |
| 477 | I, EMILY... |
| 478 | I, EMILY... |
| 479 | TAKE THEE, ROSS... |
| 480 | TAKE THEE, ROSS... |
| 481 | AS MY LAWFULLY WEDDED HUSBAND |
| 482 | IN SICKNESS AND IN HEALTH |
| 483 | TILL DEATH PARTS US. |
| 484 | AS MY LAWFULLY WEDDED HUSBAND |
| 485 | IN SICKNESS AND IN HEALTH UNTIL DEATH PARTS US. |
| 486 | NOW, ROSS |
| 487 | REPEAT AFTER ME. |
| 488 | I, ROSS... |
| 489 | I, ROSS... |
| 490 | TAKE THEE, EMILY... |
| 491 | TAKE THEE, RACHEL... |
| 492 | EMILY. |
| 493 | ( chuckles nervously ) |
| 494 | EMILY. |
| 495 | UH... |
| 496 | SHALL I GO ON? |
| 497 | Captioned by The Caption Center WGBH Educational Foundation] |
| 498 | |
| 1 | FRIENDS, FAMILY, WE'RE GATHERED TO CELEBRATE HERE TODAY |
| 2 | THE JOYOUS UNION OF ROSS AND EMILY. |
| 3 | NOW, ROSS REPEAT AFTER ME. |
| 4 | I, ROSS... I, ROSS... |
| 5 | ...TAKE THEE, EMILY... ...TAKE THEE, RACHEL... |
| 6 | ( screaming ) |
| 7 | EMILY. |
| 8 | ( nervous chuckle ): EMILY. |
| 9 | UH, SHALL I GO ON? |
| 10 | H-HE SAID RACHEL, RIGHT? |
| 11 | DO YOU THINK I SHOULD GO UP THERE? |
| 12 | YES, YES, DO GO ON. |
| 13 | I THINK WE'D BETTER START AGAIN. |
| 14 | ROSS, REPEAT AFTER ME. |
| 15 | I, ROSS... I, ROSS... |
| 16 | ...TAKE THEE, EMILY... |
| 17 | ...TAKE THEE, EMILY... |
| 18 | IT'S NOT LIKE THERE'D BE ANYBODY ELSE. |
| 19 | ...AS MY LAWFULLY WEDDED WIFE, IN SICKNESS AND IN HEALTH |
| 20 | TILL DEATH PARTS US. |
| 21 | ...AS MY LAWFULLY WEDDED WIFE |
| 22 | IN SICKNESS AND IN HEALTH |
| 23 | UNTIL DEATH PARTS US. |
| 24 | REALLY, I DO... ( giggle ) |
| 25 | ...EMILY. |
| 26 | DO WE HAVE THE RINGS? |
| 27 | EMILY, PLACE THIS RING ON ROSS' FINGER |
| 28 | AS A SYMBOL OF YOUR BOND EVERLASTING. |
| 29 | AH! |
| 30 | ROSS, PLACE THIS RING |
| 31 | ON EMILY'S HAND AS A SYMBOL |
| 32 | OF THE LOVE THAT ENCIRCLES YOU FOREVER. |
| 33 | HAPPY TO. |
| 34 | ROSS AND EMILY HAVE MADE THEIR DECLARATION |
| 35 | AND IT GIVES ME GREAT PLEASURE |
| 36 | TO DECLARE THEM HUSBAND AND WIFE. |
| 37 | YOU MAY KISS THE BRIDE. |
| 38 | THIS IS WORSE THAN WHEN HE MARRIED THE LESBIAN. |
| 39 | JUST KEEP SMILING. |
| 40 | OKAY. |
| 41 | WELL, THAT WENT WELL. YEAH. |
| 42 | COULD HAVE BEEN WORSE. HE COULD HAVE SHOT HER. |
| 43 | ( chuckling nervously ) THAT, UH, THAT WAS PRETTY FUNNY, WASN'T IT? |
| 44 | ( grunting ) |
| 45 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 46 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 47 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 48 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 49 | ♪ WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY, YOUR WEEK ♪ |
| 50 | ♪ YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 51 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 52 | ♪ WHEN THE RAIN STARTS TO POUR ♪ |
| 53 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 54 | ♪ LIKE I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE ♪ |
| 55 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 56 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME, TOO. ♪ |
| 57 | Emily: YOU SPOILED EVERYTHING! IT'S LIKE A NIGHTMARE! |
| 58 | MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY ARE OUT THERE! |
| 59 | HOW CAN I FACE THEM? HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?! |
| 60 | HEY, NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS WITH ROSS AND EMILY |
| 61 | WE STILL GET CAKE, RIGHT? |
| 62 | T-THAT'S ALL RIGHT. |
| 63 | YOU, NO, NO, YOU TAKE YOUR TIME, SWEETIE. |
| 64 | I'LL BE RIGHT OUT HERE. |
| 65 | ( nervous laugh ) SHE'S JUST FIXING HER MAKEUP. |
| 66 | Emily: I HATE YOU! |
| 67 | AND I LOVE YOU! |
| 68 | BOY, BAD TIME TO SAY THE WRONG NAME, HUH, ROSS? |
| 69 | THAT'S TRUE. THANKS, DAD. |
| 70 | HEY, PEOPLE SHOULD BE DANCING, HUH? |
| 71 | THIS IS A PARTY! COME ON! |
| 72 | JOEY, DANCE! |
| 73 | ( phone ringing ) |
| 74 | YES, WALTHAM INTERIORS. |
| 75 | OH, HELLO, THIS IS ROSS GELLER'S |
| 76 | PERSONAL PHYSICIAN, DR. FILANGIE. |
| 77 | WHO? |
| 78 | YEAH. I'VE DISCOVERED THAT ROSS FORGOT TO TAKE HIS BRAIN MEDICINE. |
| 79 | UM, NOW, WITHOUT IT, UH, IN THE BRAIN OF ROSS, |
| 80 | UH, WOMEN'S NAMES ARE INTERCHANGEABLE... |
| 81 | THROUGH NO FAULT OF HIS OWN. |
| 82 | OH, MY GOD. PHOEBE. |
| 83 | NO, NOT PHOEBE. DR. FILANGIE. |
| 84 | OH, NO, YOU HAVE IT, TOO! |
| 85 | HELLO? ( dial tone ) |
| 86 | HEY. HEY. |
| 87 | OH, WOW, I HOPE YOU DON'T TAKE THIS THE WRONG WAY, BUT |
| 88 | I KNOW WE HAD PLANS TO MEET UP TONIGHT, AND... |
| 89 | AH, I'M JUST, I'M KIND OF WORRIED |
| 90 | ABOUT WHAT IT MIGHT DO TO OUR FRIENDSHIP. |
| 91 | I KNOW. |
| 92 | OH, HOW COULD WE HAVE LET THIS HAPPEN? |
| 93 | SEVEN TIMES! |
| 94 | WELL, YOU KNOW, LOOK, WE WERE AWAY. |
| 95 | IN A FOREIGN, ROMANTIC COUNTRY. |
| 96 | I BLAME LONDON. |
| 97 | BAD LONDON! |
| 98 | SO, LOOK, UM WHILE WE'RE STILL IN LONDON, |
| 99 | I MEAN, WE CAN KEEP DOING IT, RIGHT? |
| 100 | WELL, I DON'T SEE THAT WE HAVE A CHOICE. NO. |
| 101 | BUT WHEN WE'RE BACK HOME, WE DON'T DO IT. |
| 102 | ONLY HERE. |
| 103 | YOU KNOW, I SAW A WINE CELLAR DOWNSTAIRS. |
| 104 | MEET YOU THERE IN TWO MINUTES. 'KAY. |
| 105 | MON, HONEY, I GOT TO ASK YOU SOMETHING. |
| 106 | NOW? |
| 107 | ROSS SAID MY NAME UP THERE. |
| 108 | I MEAN, COME ON, I CAN'T JUST PRETEND |
| 109 | THAT DIDN'T HAPPEN, CAN I? OH, I-I DON'T KNOW. |
| 110 | MONICA, WHAT SHOULD I DO? JUST, UH... |
| 111 | DO THE RIGHT THING. |
| 112 | WHAT? |
| 113 | TOE THE LINE. THREAD THE NEEDLE. |
| 114 | THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX. |
| 115 | MONICA, WAIT. I THINK I'M JUST GONNA |
| 116 | TALK TO ROSS ABOUT WHAT HE THINKS IT MEANT. |
| 117 | WAIT. RACHEL, NO. |
| 118 | HE'S MARRIED. MARRIED. |
| 119 | IF YOU DON'T REALIZE THAT, I CAN'T HELP YOU. |
| 120 | OKAY. YOU'RE RIGHT. |
| 121 | YOU'RE RIGHT. YOU CAN'T HELP ME. |
| 122 | JACK, IS IT ALL OUR FAULT? |
| 123 | WERE WE BAD PARENTS? YES. |
| 124 | OH, YEAH? WELL, WHO SERVES STEAK |
| 125 | WHEN THERE'S NO PLACE TO SIT? |
| 126 | I MEAN, HOW ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO EAT THIS? |
| 127 | HEY, WHAT'S UP? |
| 128 | WHERE WERE YOU? WE WERE SUPPOSED TO MEET IN THE WINE CELLAR. |
| 129 | FORGET IT. THAT'S OFF. WHY? |
| 130 | ( drunkenly ): THE NEXT TOUR OF THE WINE CELLAR |
| 131 | WILL COMMENCE IN TWO MI-I-INUTES. |
| 132 | JOEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? YOU PROMISED PHOEBE |
| 133 | YOU WOULDN'T EAT MEAT UNTIL SHE HAS THE BABIES. |
| 134 | OH, I FIGURED WE'RE IN ANOTHER COUNTRY |
| 135 | SO IT DOESN'T COUNT. |
| 136 | WELL, THAT'S TRUE. THE MAN'S GOT A POINT. |
| 137 | OH, HI. |
| 138 | HI. HI. |
| 139 | I'M SORRY THINGS AREN'T WORKING OUT SO WELL. |
| 140 | OH, NO! ( nervous chuckle ) |
| 141 | COULD BE BETTER. |
| 142 | IT'S GONNA BE OKAY, RIGHT? OH, YEAH, OF COURSE. |
| 143 | I MEAN, SHE'S GONNA GET OVER THIS, YOU KNOW? |
| 144 | I MEAN, SO YOU SAID MY NAME. |
| 145 | YOU KNOW, YOU JUST SAID IT 'CAUSE YOU SAW ME THERE. |
| 146 | IF YOU'D SEEN A CIRCUS FREAK |
| 147 | YOU WOULD'VE SAID, "I TAKE THEE, CIRCUS FREAK." |
| 148 | YOU KNOW, IT DIDN'T MEAN ANYTHING. IT'S JUST A MISTAKE. |
| 149 | DIDN'T MEAN ANYTHING. |
| 150 | RIGHT? |
| 151 | OH, NO, OF COURSE IT DIDN'T MEAN ANYTHING. |
| 152 | I MEAN, WHA... I CAN UNDERSTAND WHY EMILY |
| 153 | WOULD THINK IT MEANT SOMETHING |
| 154 | YOU KNOW, BECAUSE IT WAS YOU, BUT IT ABSOLUTELY DIDN'T. |
| 155 | IT DIDN'T! IT DIDN'T! |
| 156 | ROSS! HEY, THE BAND'S READY OUTSIDE |
| 157 | FOR YOUR FIRST DANCE WITH EMILY, SO... |
| 158 | OH! OH! THE BAND'S READY! |
| 159 | WELL, WE'VE GOT TO DO WHAT THE BAND SAYS, RIGHT? |
| 160 | I DON'T CARE ABOUT THE STUPID BAND! |
| 161 | YOU SPIT ON ME, MAN. |
| 162 | I-I'M SORRY. |
| 163 | EMILY IS TAKING KIND OF A LONG TIME, HUH? |
| 164 | YOU KNOW, WHEN I LOCKED MYSELF IN THE BATHROOM AT MY WEDDING |
| 165 | IT WAS BECAUSE I WAS TRYING |
| 166 | TO POP THE WINDOW OUT OF THE FRAME, OH, RIGHT. |
| 167 | AND GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE, YOU KNOW? |
| 168 | ( chuckling nervously ) |
| 169 | EMILY? |
| 170 | EMILY?! |
| 171 | I'M COMING IN! |
| 172 | WELL, LOOK AT THAT. SAME THING. |
| 173 | LISTEN, IN THE MIDDLE OF EVERYTHING |
| 174 | IF I SCREAM THE WORD "YIPPEE," JUST IGNORE ME. |
| 175 | ( gasping ) OH, MY GOD, RACHEL! HI. |
| 176 | OH, HELLO, RACHEL. |
| 177 | ROSS SAID MY NAME. |
| 178 | OKAY? MY NAME. |
| 179 | ROSS SAID MY NAME UP THERE. |
| 180 | THAT OBVIOUSLY MEANS THAT HE STILL LOVES ME. |
| 181 | OKAY, DON'T BELIEVE ME. I KNOW I'M RIGHT. |
| 182 | DO YOU GUYS WANT TO GO DOWNSTAIRS AND GET A DRINK? |
| 183 | YES, WE DO. |
| 184 | BUT WE HAVE TO CHANGE FIRST. |
| 185 | YES, I WANT TO CHANGE. |
| 186 | W-WHY DON'T YOU GO DOWN AND GET US A TABLE? |
| 187 | YEAH, WE'LL BE DOWN IN, LIKE, FIVE MINUTES. |
| 188 | 15 MINUTES. |
| 189 | OKAY. |
| 190 | ( phone ringing ) |
| 191 | HELLO. OH, PHEEBS! IT'S PHOEBE. |
| 192 | ( mumbling politely ) HI! |
| 193 | SO, WHAT HAPPENED? |
| 194 | WELL, ROSS SAID MY NAME. |
| 195 | YEAH, I KNOW, BUT I DON'T THINK THAT MEANS ANYTHING. |
| 196 | OKAY, PHEEBS, YOU KNOW WHAT? LET'S LOOK AT THIS OBJECTIVELY. |
| 197 | ALL RIGHT, NINTH GRADE, RIGHT? |
| 198 | THE OBSESSION STARTS. |
| 199 | ALL RIGHT? SUMMER AFTER NINTH GRADE |
| 200 | HE SEES ME IN A TWO-PIECE FOR THE FIRST TIME. |
| 201 | HIS OBSESSION BEGINS TO GROW, RIGHT? SO, THEN... |
| 202 | HEY, LISTEN, WHY DON'T WE GO CHANGE IN MY ROOM? |
| 203 | MY CLOTHES ARE... OH! ( chuckling ) |
| 204 | WOW, YOU LOOK... |
| 205 | NO TIME FOR THAT. OKAY. |
| 206 | HEY, DUDE, LET ME IN. I GOT A GIRL OUT HERE. |
| 207 | WELL, I'VE GOT A GIRL IN HERE. |
| 208 | NO, YOU DON'T. I JUST SAW YOU GO IN THERE WITH MONICA. |
| 209 | WELL, WE'RE HANGING OUT IN HERE. |
| 210 | WHICH ONE OF US IS GOING TO BE HAVING SEX IN THERE, ME OR YOU? |
| 211 | WELL, I SUPPOSE I WOULD HAVE TO SAY YOU. |
| 212 | LOOK, WHAT IF WE'RE WATCHING A MOVIE IN HERE? |
| 213 | W-WHICH WE ARE. A-AND WE ALREADY PAID FOR IT. |
| 214 | IT'S MY GIANT. |
| 215 | MY GIANT? I LOVE THAT MOVIE! |
| 216 | YOU REALLY THINK THIS IS OKAY? |
| 217 | WELL, ROSS AND EMILY AREN'T GOING TO USE IT. |
| 218 | OH, IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL! |
| 219 | OH! |
| 220 | YOU KNOW, I DON'T KNOW IF I FEEL RIGHT ABOUT THIS. |
| 221 | OH, M-MON, MON, M-M-MONICA... |
| 222 | THIS IS THE HONEYMOON SUITE. |
| 223 | THE ROOM EXPECTS SEX. |
| 224 | THE ROOM WOULD BE DISAPPOINTED IF IT DIDN'T GET SEX. |
| 225 | ALL OF THE OTHER HONEYMOON SUITES WOULD THINK IT WAS A LOSER. |
| 226 | OKAY. OKAY. |
| 227 | EMILY? |
| 228 | NOPE, NOT UNDER HERE. |
| 229 | YOU DIDN'T FIND HER? |
| 230 | NO. I'VE LOOKED EVERYWHERE. |
| 231 | YOU COULDN'T HAVE LOOKED EVERYWHERE |
| 232 | OR ELSE YOU WOULD'VE FOUND HER. |
| 233 | I THINK YOU SHOULD KEEP LOOKING. |
| 234 | YEAH, FOR ABOUT, UH, 30 MINUTES. |
| 235 | OR 45? |
| 236 | WOW, IN 45 MINUTES, YOU COULD FIND HER TWICE. |
| 237 | NO. FOR ALL I KNOW, SHE'S TRYING TO FIND ME, BUT COULDN'T |
| 238 | BECAUSE I KEPT MOVING AROUND. |
| 239 | NO, FROM NOW ON, I'M STAYING IN ONE PLACE. |
| 240 | RIGHT HERE. |
| 241 | WELL, IT'S GETTING LATE. YEAH, WE'RE GOING TO G-- |
| 242 | YOU GUYS MIND STAYING HERE FOR A WHILE? |
| 243 | YOU KNOW, UM, WE GOT TO GET UP EARLY |
| 244 | AND CATCH THAT PLANE TO NEW YORK. |
| 245 | YEAH, IT'S A VERY LARGE PLANE. |
| 246 | THAT'S COOL. |
| 247 | BUT WE'LL STAY HERE WITH YOU. |
| 248 | THANKS, GUYS! |
| 249 | I REALLY APPRECIATE THIS, YOU KNOW? |
| 250 | BUT YOU DON'T NEED TO RUB MY BUTT. |
| 251 | WE HAVE TO LEAVE FOR NEW YORK IN AN HOUR. |
| 252 | I KNOW. I'VE BEEN LOOKING AT THOSE DOORS. |
| 253 | THEY LOOK SOUNDPROOF, DON'T YOU THINK? |
| 254 | WE CAN'T DO THAT. THAT'S INSANE. |
| 255 | I MEAN, A: HE COULD WAKE UP. |
| 256 | AND B: YOU KNOW... LET'S GO FOR IT. |
| 257 | ( knocking on door ) |
| 258 | EMIL... EMILY? EM... EMILY! |
| 259 | EMILY! NO. |
| 260 | YOU CAN FORGET ABOUT EMILY, SHE'S NOT WITH US. |
| 261 | WE'VE COME FOR HER THINGS. |
| 262 | W-WHERE IS SHE? |
| 263 | SHE'S IN HIDING. SHE'S UTTERLY HUMILIATED. |
| 264 | SHE DOESN'T WANT TO SEE YOU EVER AGAIN. |
| 265 | WE'RE VERY SAD THAT IT DIDN'T WORK OUT BETWEEN YOU AND EMILY... |
| 266 | MONKEY. |
| 267 | BUT I THINK YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY DELICIOUS. |
| 268 | EXCUSE ME. I'M STANDING RIGHT HERE. |
| 269 | OH, YES. |
| 270 | THERE YOU ARE. |
| 271 | HEY! HEY, YOU GUYS! GO HURRY UP, GET SOME. |
| 272 | THERE'S A WHOLE CART OUTSIDE. |
| 273 | BYE, GELLER. WAIT, HOLD ON. HOLD ON. |
| 274 | LOOK, LOOK... YOUR DAUGHTER AND I |
| 275 | ARE SUPPOSED TO LEAVE TONIGHT FOR OUR HONEYMOON. |
| 276 | NOW... NOW YOU TELL HER THAT I'M GOING TO BE AT THAT AIRPORT |
| 277 | AND I HOPE THAT SHE'LL BE THERE, TOO. |
| 278 | OH, YEAH, I SAID RACHEL'S NAME |
| 279 | BUT IT DIDN'T MEAN ANYTHING, OKAY? |
| 280 | SHE'S JUST A FRIEND. THAT'S ALL. |
| 281 | NOW, LOOK, JUST TELL EMILY THAT I LOVE HER |
| 282 | AND THAT I CAN'T IMAGINE |
| 283 | SPENDING MY LIFE WITH ANYONE ELSE. |
| 284 | PLEASE, PROMISE ME THAT YOU'LL TELL HER THAT. |
| 285 | ALL RIGHT. I'LL TELL HER. |
| 286 | COME ON, BUGGERFACE. |
| 287 | CALL ME. ( gasps ) |
| 288 | YOU SPEND HALF YOUR LIFE IN THE BATHROOM. |
| 289 | WHY DO YOU NEVER GO OUT THE BLOODY WINDOW? |
| 290 | YOU KNOW, MAYBE IT'S BEST WE NEVER GOT TO DO IT AGAIN. |
| 291 | YEAH, IT KIND OF MAKES THAT ONE NIGHT SPECIAL. |
| 292 | YOU KNOW, TECHNICALLY WE STILL ARE OVER INTERNATIONAL WATERS. |
| 293 | I'M GOING TO GO TO THE BATHROOM. |
| 294 | MAYBE I'LL SEE YOU THERE IN A BIT? OKAY. |
| 295 | HEY, CAN I ASK YOU SOMETHING? |
| 296 | UH... NO. |
| 297 | FELICITY AND I, WE'RE WATCHING MY GIANT, RIGHT? |
| 298 | AND I WAS THINKING, I'M NEVER GOING TO BE |
| 299 | AS GOOD AN ACTOR AS THAT GIANT. |
| 300 | DO YOU THINK I'M JUST WASTING MY LIFE |
| 301 | WITH THIS ACTING THING? |
| 302 | NO. |
| 303 | THE GIANT'S, LIKE, FIVE YEARS YOUNGER THAN ME, YOU KNOW? |
| 304 | YOU THINK I'LL EVER GET THERE? |
| 305 | YES. |
| 306 | THANKS, MAN. OKAY, MAN. |
| 307 | BUT WHAT ABOUT HOW MUCH TALLER HE IS THAN ME? |
| 308 | I MEAN, THERE'S NO WAY I CAN MAKE MYSELF TALLER NOW. |
| 309 | YOU KNOW? AND WHO KNOWS WHAT SCIENCE WILL COME UP WITH IN THE FUTURE? |
| 310 | BUT, CHANDLER, WHAT IF I DIE |
| 311 | AN UNSUCCESSFUL, REGULAR-SIZE MAN? |
| 312 | HEY, MONICA. YOU BEEN IN THE BATHROOM FOR, LIKE, A HALF HOUR. |
| 313 | I KNOW. |
| 314 | HAD THE BEEF TIPS, HUH? |
| 315 | ( giggles ) |
| 316 | HEY! HEY! HI! |
| 317 | ( laughing ) YOU ATE MEAT. |
| 318 | YOU HAD SEX! |
| 319 | NO, WE DIDN'T. |
| 320 | I KNOW YOU DIDN'T. I WAS TALKING ABOUT MONICA. |
| 321 | PHOEBE, I DID NOT HAVE SEX. |
| 322 | OH, THIS PREGNANCY IS THROWING ME ALL OFF. |
| 323 | I'M GONNA GO SAY HI TO THE CHICK AND THE DUCK. |
| 324 | OH, ME, TOO. WHY WOULD YOU NEED TO SAY HI TO THEM? |
| 325 | YOU'VE BEEN FEEDING THEM FOR FOUR DAYS. |
| 326 | OH, RIGHT. MAYBE I'LL JUST GO HOME. |
| 327 | WELL, WE CERTAINLY ARE ALONE. |
| 328 | YES, GOOD THING WE HAD THAT "NOT IN NEW YORK" RULE. |
| 329 | RIGHT. |
| 330 | UM, LISTEN, SINCE WE'RE ON THAT SUBJECT... |
| 331 | I JUST WANTED TO TELL YOU THAT, UM, |
| 332 | WELL... I WAS GOING THROUGH A REALLY HARD TIME IN LONDON |
| 333 | WHAT WITH MY BROTHER GETTING MARRIED |
| 334 | AND THAT GUY THINKING I WAS ROSS'S MOTHER. |
| 335 | RIGHT. |
| 336 | WELL, ANYWAY, I JUST... |
| 337 | THAT NIGHT MEANT A LOT TO ME |
| 338 | AND I GUESS I'M TRYING TO SAY THANKS. |
| 339 | OH. |
| 340 | YOU KNOW, THAT NIGHT MEANT A LOT TO ME, TOO. |
| 341 | AND IT WASN'T 'CAUSE I WAS IN A BAD PLACE OR ANYTHING. |
| 342 | IT JUST MEANT A LOT TO ME |
| 343 | 'CAUSE... YOU'RE REALLY HOT. |
| 344 | IS THAT OKAY? |
| 345 | THAT'S OKAY. |
| 346 | AND I'M CUTE, TOO. |
| 347 | AND YOU'RE CUTE, TOO. |
| 348 | THANK YOU. |
| 349 | ALL RIGHT. I'VE GOT TO GO UNPACK. OKAY. |
| 350 | BYE. |
| 351 | I'M STILL ON LONDON TIME. DOES THAT COUNT? |
| 352 | OH, THAT COUNTS. OH, GOOD. |
| 353 | RACH! RACH! |
| 354 | HI. |
| 355 | WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? |
| 356 | WELL, I'VE BEEN ON STANDBY FOR A FLIGHT HOME FOR HOURS. |
| 357 | OH. |
| 358 | OH... SO NO SIGN OF EMILY, HUH? |
| 359 | NOT YET. |
| 360 | SO, UM, WHAT TIME ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO LEAVE? |
| 361 | P.A.: This is the last call for flight 1066 to Athens. |
| 362 | The last call. |
| 363 | PRETTY SOON, I GUESS. YEAH. |
| 364 | I'M SORRY. |
| 365 | I JUST... I DON'T UNDERSTAND. |
| 366 | I MEAN, HOW COULD SHE DO THIS? AM I, LIKE, A COMPLETE IDIOT |
| 367 | FOR THINKING SHE'D ACTUALLY SHOW UP? |
| 368 | NO, YOU'RE NOT AN IDIOT, ROSS. |
| 369 | YOU'RE A GUY VERY MUCH IN LOVE. |
| 370 | SAME DIFFERENCE. |
| 371 | All ticketed passengers for flight 1066 to Athens |
| 372 | should now be on board. |
| 373 | I GET IT! |
| 374 | WELL, THAT'S THAT. |
| 375 | NO, YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 376 | I THINK YOU SHOULD GO. |
| 377 | WHAT? YEAH, I DO. |
| 378 | I THINK YOU SHOULD GO BY YOURSELF. |
| 379 | GET SOME DISTANCE. |
| 380 | CLEAR YOUR HEAD. |
| 381 | I THINK IT WOULD BE REALLY GOOD. |
| 382 | OH, I DON'T, I DON'T KNOW. OH, COME ON, ROSS. |
| 383 | I THINK IT WOULD BE REALLY GOOD FOR YOU. |
| 384 | I... I... I COULD. I-I COULD DO THAT. |
| 385 | YEAH. |
| 386 | I CAN'T EVEN BELIEVE HER. |
| 387 | YOU KNOW WHAT? I AM GOING TO GO. |
| 388 | GOOD. WHY NOT? |
| 389 | RIGHT! RIGHT? |
| 390 | THANKS. OKAY, I'LL SEE YOU BACK AT HOME... |
| 391 | IF I EVER GET A FLIGHT. |
| 392 | HEY, WH... NAH. |
| 393 | WHAT? WAIT. WHAT? |
| 394 | WHY DON'T YOU COME? |
| 395 | I MEAN, I HAVE TWO TICKETS. WHY NOT? |
| 396 | ( mumbling ): WELL, ROSS, I... |
| 397 | REALLY? |
| 398 | YEAH, YEAH, IT'D BE GREAT. |
| 399 | I MEAN, YOU CAN LAY ON THE BEACH |
| 400 | AND I CAN CRY OVER MY FAILED MARRIAGE. |
| 401 | SEE HOW I MAKE JOKES? |
| 402 | UH-HUH. |
| 403 | NO, REALLY, I MEAN... |
| 404 | GOD, I COULD USE A FRIEND. |
| 405 | OH, WOW, OKAY... UH, MAYBE. |
| 406 | UM... |
| 407 | YES, I CAN DO THAT. |
| 408 | OKAY, COOL. COME ON. |
| 409 | ALL RIGHT, COOL. |
| 410 | OKAY, WE'RE GOING TO GREECE. |
| 411 | AH! I FORGOT MY JACKET. |
| 412 | TELL THEM TO WAIT. |
| 413 | Rachel: WAIT! WAIT! |
| 414 | EMILY. |
| 415 | OH, NO, NO, NO. |
| 416 | NO, NO... |
| 417 | NO! NO! |
| 418 | EMILY! |
| 419 | UH, YES, I WILL HAVE A GLASS OF THE MERLOT, |
| 420 | AND HE WILL HAVE A WHITE WINE SPRITZER. |
| 421 | WHOO. |
| 422 | ( chuckling ) |
| 423 | HEY, LOOK AT THAT, THE AIRPORT'S MOVING. |
| 424 | HEY, ARE WE MOVING? |
| 425 | ARE WE MOVING? |
| 426 | WHY ARE WE MOVING? |
| 427 | THAT DOESN'T... |
| 428 | UM, YEAH, DOES THE CAPTAIN KNOW THAT WE'RE MOVING? |
| 429 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 430 | OH, MY GOSH. |
| 431 | |
| 1 | YOU LOOK CUTE IN BUBBLES. |
| 2 | AH, YOU'RE JUST ALL LIQUORED UP. |
| 3 | ( knock on door ) |
| 4 | Joey: HEY, IT'S ME. |
| 5 | I'M COMING IN. |
| 6 | I'VE HAD A VERY LONG, HARD DAY. |
| 7 | I'M GETTING CHICKEN. YOU WANT SOME? |
| 8 | NO, THANKS. NO CHICKEN. |
| 9 | BYE-BYE THEN. |
| 10 | OKAY. |
| 11 | YOU SURE? SOME EXTRA CRISPY? |
| 12 | DIRTY RICE? BEANS? |
| 13 | FOR THE LAST TIME, NO. |
| 14 | GET OUT. GET OUT, JOEY. |
| 15 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 16 | ( gasping ) |
| 17 | ARE YOU OKAY? |
| 18 | I'M SO SORRY. HE WOULDN'T LEAVE. |
| 19 | HE KEPT ASKING |
| 20 | IF I WANTED CHICKEN. |
| 21 | CHICKEN? |
| 22 | I COULD EAT SOME CHICKEN. |
| 23 | HEY, JOE! |
| 24 | YEAH, COULD I GET A THREE-PIECE, SOME COLE SLAW |
| 25 | AND SOME BEANS AND A COKE... |
| 26 | ( screaming ) |
| 27 | ...DIET COKE. |
| 28 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 29 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 30 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 31 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 32 | ♪ WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY, YOUR WEEK ♪ |
| 33 | ♪ YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 34 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 35 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME, TOO. ♪ |
| 36 | HEY! |
| 37 | HEY! HEY, PHEEBS! |
| 38 | OH, I HAVE TO TELL YOU THIS STORY. |
| 39 | I WAS COMING OVER HERE AND THIS CAB DRIVER... |
| 40 | WAS HIS NAME ANGUS? |
| 41 | ( all laughing ) |
| 42 | WHAT? |
| 43 | HE WAS THIS CAB DRIVER WE HAD IN LONDON. |
| 44 | OH. HA-HA-HA. |
| 45 | ALL RIGHT, ANYWAY... |
| 46 | Monica: WHAT WAS THAT PLACE |
| 47 | THAT PUB HE TOOK US TO? |
| 48 | THE WHEAT SHEAF. |
| 49 | AND THEY HAD THAT BEER, THAT, UH... |
| 50 | BODDINGTON'S. |
| 51 | BODDINGTON'S. BODDINGTON'S. |
| 52 | THAT'S IT, BABY. |
| 53 | OH, PHEEBS WAS GOING TO TELL A STORY. |
| 54 | OKAY, SO, HE HAD A REALLY FUNNY HAT. |
| 55 | I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT. |
| 56 | HEY. |
| 57 | HEY, ROSS. |
| 58 | BODDINGTON'S. |
| 59 | YEAH! YEAH! |
| 60 | OH, MAN. |
| 61 | THAT WAS GOOD BEER. |
| 62 | YOU KNOW, I'D WALK BACK TO LONDON |
| 63 | FOR ANOTHER FROSTY ONE OF THOSE BAD BOYS. |
| 64 | YOU KNOW, I THINK THEY HAVE THOSE |
| 65 | AT THAT BRITISH PUB BY THE TRADE CENTER. |
| 66 | LATER. |
| 67 | ISN'T RACHEL SUPPOSED TO BE BACK BY NOW? |
| 68 | HER PLANE GOT DELAYED IN ATHENS |
| 69 | BUT, ACTUALLY, SHE SHOULD BE HERE BY NOW. |
| 70 | S-SO YOU TALKED TO HER? |
| 71 | DID SHE... DID SHE SOUND MAD? |
| 72 | NO, BUT SHE LIKES ME. |
| 73 | YOU ABANDONED HER ON A PLANE. |
| 74 | OKAY, I DID NOT ABANDON RACHEL, OKAY? |
| 75 | EMILY SHOWED UP AT THE AIRPORT. |
| 76 | I HAD TO GO AFTER HER. |
| 77 | I MEAN, I DID WHAT I HAD TO DO. |
| 78 | SHE'S MY WIFE. |
| 79 | RACHEL IS MY WIFE, YOU KNOW. |
| 80 | EMILY! |
| 81 | EMILY IS MY WIFE. |
| 82 | MAN, WHAT IS THAT? |
| 83 | SO YOU STILL HAVEN'T HEARD FROM EMILY? |
| 84 | NO, NOT SINCE I LOST HER AT THE AIRPORT. |
| 85 | I CAN'T BELIEVE SHE CAN OUTRUN YOU, MAN. |
| 86 | HEY, SHE'S FAST, OKAY? |
| 87 | OH, YOU THINK YOU CAN BEAT ME? |
| 88 | LET'S GO, OUTSIDE! |
| 89 | HI. |
| 90 | RACHEL! HI! |
| 91 | RACH, RACH, I AM SO SORRY. |
| 92 | I AM SO, SO SORRY. |
| 93 | OH, ROSS, COME ON. |
| 94 | YOU JUST DID WHAT YOU HAD TO DO. |
| 95 | THAT'S IT? |
| 96 | YOU'RE NOT MAD? |
| 97 | I MEAN, IT MUST HAVE BEEN TERRIBLE. |
| 98 | TERRIBLE? HELL, I WAS IN GREECE. |
| 99 | THAT WAS A NICE HOTEL. |
| 100 | NICE BEACH. |
| 101 | MET THE NICE PEOPLE. |
| 102 | NOT TOO SHABBY FOR RACHEL. |
| 103 | SO, WHAT? THAT'S IT? |
| 104 | WELL, YEAH. |
| 105 | WE'RE COOL. TOTALLY COOL. |
| 106 | THANKS, RACH. |
| 107 | OH, YOU'RE THE BEST. |
| 108 | OH, NO, YOU'RE THE BEST. |
| 109 | OH, I GOT TO GO TO THE FLOWER STORE. |
| 110 | CHECK IT OUT. |
| 111 | NO ONE WILL TELL ME WHERE EMILY IS. |
| 112 | SO I'M GOING TO SEND 72 LONG-STEMMED RED ROSES |
| 113 | TO HER PARENTS' HOUSE. |
| 114 | ONE FOR EACH DAY THAT I'VE KNOWN AND LOVED HER. |
| 115 | THAT OUGHT TO GET HER TALKING TO ME AGAIN. |
| 116 | OH, ROSS, WHEN YOU MAKE OUT THE CARD |
| 117 | BE SURE TO MAKE IT OUT TO EMILY. |
| 118 | RACH, THAT'S GREAT. |
| 119 | IT'S SO GOOD YOU HAD SUCH A GOOD TIME IN GREECE. |
| 120 | WHAT? |
| 121 | I DIDN'T HAVE A GOOD TIME IN GREECE. |
| 122 | ROSS ABANDONED ME, OKAY? |
| 123 | I COULDN'T GET A PLANE OUT |
| 124 | SO I HAD TO STAY IN THEIR HONEYMOON SUITE |
| 125 | WITH PEOPLE COMING UP TO ME ALL THE TIME, GOING |
| 126 | "OH, MRS. GELLER, WHY YOU CRY?" |
| 127 | I MEAN, IT WAS SO HUMILIATING. |
| 128 | I FELT LIKE SUCH AN IDIOT. |
| 129 | I MEAN, IT'S ALL MY FAULT. |
| 130 | AND YOU KNOW WHY? |
| 131 | BECAUSE I MAKE VERY BAD DECISIONS. |
| 132 | OH, THAT'S NOT TRUE. |
| 133 | YES, IT IS. IT IS TRUE. |
| 134 | I WENT AFTER ROSS IN STUPID LONDON. |
| 135 | LONDON IS STUPID. STUPID. |
| 136 | PHOEBE, YOU WERE RIGHT. |
| 137 | I SHOULD NEVER HAVE GONE TO LONDON |
| 138 | AND FROM NOW ON |
| 139 | YOU MAKE ALL MY DECISIONS FOR ME. |
| 140 | OH, NO, I DID THAT FOR SOMEONE ONCE. |
| 141 | I'M NOT COMFORTABLE HAVING THAT KIND OF POWER |
| 142 | AND CONTROL OVER SOMEONE'S LIFE. |
| 143 | I'LL DO IT. |
| 144 | Rachel: THAT'S FINE. |
| 145 | SO, MONICA, YOU ARE NOW IN CHARGE OF MY LOVE LIFE. |
| 146 | OKAY, I GOT TO GO TO WORK. |
| 147 | AND RACHEL, GREAT TO HAVE YOU BACK. |
| 148 | PHEEBS! |
| 149 | ALWAYS A PLEASURE. |
| 150 | OH, RACHEL, SWEETIE, LOOK. |
| 151 | HERE'S A REALLY CUTE PICTURE |
| 152 | OF YOU AND JOEY AT THE RECEPTION. |
| 153 | OH, HE'S MARRIED. |
| 154 | ROSS IS MARRIED. |
| 155 | I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE IT. |
| 156 | HONEY, SWEETIE, BY THE EDGES. |
| 157 | I MEAN, I'M JUST GOING TO HAVE TO ACCEPT IT. |
| 158 | OH! |
| 159 | IT'S MY FAULT. |
| 160 | SWEETIE... EDGES... |
| 161 | FINGERS... SMUDGY... |
| 162 | OH, MY GOD! AH! |
| 163 | THAT'S OKAY. |
| 164 | I KNOW THAT YOU'RE VERY UPSET RIGHT NOW. |
| 165 | I KNOW THAT WASN'T ABOUT ME. |
| 166 | I BET IT WAS ABOUT HER A LITTLE. |
| 167 | IF YOU STOPPED THINKING ABOUT ROSS |
| 168 | YOU WOULD NOTICE THERE WERE GREAT GUYS EVERYWHERE. |
| 169 | NOW, LOOK... |
| 170 | GUNTHER. |
| 171 | I MEAN... |
| 172 | HE'S NICE. HE'S CUTE. |
| 173 | YEAH, I GUESS GUNTHER IS... |
| 174 | OR HOW ABOUT |
| 175 | THAT GUY OVER THERE? |
| 176 | THAT IS THE GUY YOU FLIRTED WITH |
| 177 | AT THE COUNTER THAT TIME. |
| 178 | OH, I DON'T KNOW, I DON'T KNOW. |
| 179 | YOU'RE GOING TO TALK TO HIM. |
| 180 | WE MADE A DEAL. |
| 181 | I MAKE YOUR DECISIONS |
| 182 | AND I SAY YOU'RE GOING TO TALK TO HIM. |
| 183 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 184 | YOU'RE THE BOSS. |
| 185 | I GUESS I GOT TO DO WHAT YOU TELL ME. |
| 186 | SAY THAT TO HIM AND YOU'RE GOLDEN. |
| 187 | HEY. |
| 188 | HEY, PHEEBS. HEY, PHEEBS. |
| 189 | WE GOT OUR PICTURES FROM LONDON. |
| 190 | HERE'S ALL OF US AT THE TOWER OF LONDON... |
| 191 | OH, YEAH, THERE WE ALL ARE. |
| 192 | YEAH, THERE'S ROSS AND JOEY AND YOU AND... |
| 193 | AND ME. |
| 194 | WE'VE BEEN TALKING ABOUT LONDON TOO MUCH, HAVEN'T WE? |
| 195 | NO, I'M SORRY. |
| 196 | IT'S JUST 'CAUSE I COULDN'T BE THERE |
| 197 | 'CAUSE ALL I EVER GET TO DO NOW IS PREGNANT STUFF. |
| 198 | IT JUST BUMS ME OUT. |
| 199 | SORRY. SORRY. |
| 200 | WHAT HAPPENED? |
| 201 | WELL, YOU KNOW, A LITTLE OF THIS |
| 202 | A LITTLE OF THAT. |
| 203 | I GOT MYSELF A DATE TOMORROW NIGHT. |
| 204 | SEE? DIDN'T I TELL YOU? |
| 205 | YOU'RE GETTING OVER ROSS ALREADY. |
| 206 | GET OUT. |
| 207 | WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG? |
| 208 | I GOT CAUGHT UP AT WORK |
| 209 | BUT I'M QUITTING TOMORROW. |
| 210 | SO, THANKS FOR HAVING ME OVER. |
| 211 | RACH. |
| 212 | PHEEBS. |
| 213 | SEE YA! |
| 214 | WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT? |
| 215 | PROBABLY SOME EUROPEAN GOOD-BYE THING |
| 216 | HE PICKED UP IN LONDON. |
| 217 | I DON'T... |
| 218 | IT'S NOT EUROPEAN. |
| 219 | WELL, IT FELT FRENCH. |
| 220 | OH, GOD, I REALLY HAD A GOOD TIME. |
| 221 | YEAH, ME, TOO. |
| 222 | ( sighing ) |
| 223 | SO, I GUESS THIS IS IT. |
| 224 | YEAH, UM... |
| 225 | UNLESS YOU WANT TO COME INSIDE. |
| 226 | YEAH. |
| 227 | OKAY... OH, UH... |
| 228 | YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 229 | I, UH... I CAN'T DECIDE THIS. |
| 230 | UM... |
| 231 | OKAY, JUST HOLD ON A SECOND. |
| 232 | YEAH. |
| 233 | UH, HI. |
| 234 | HI. |
| 235 | IS MONICA AROUND? |
| 236 | I HAVE TO ASK HER SOMETHING. |
| 237 | DOING HER LAUNDRY. |
| 238 | WHAT'S THAT? |
| 239 | IT CAME IN THE MAIL TODAY. |
| 240 | IT'S 72 LONG-STEMMED RED ROSES |
| 241 | ONE FOR EACH DAY I'VE KNOWN AND LOVED EMILY |
| 242 | CUT UP INTO MULCH. |
| 243 | OH, HONEY, THAT'S AWFUL. |
| 244 | OH, IT'S NOT SO BAD. |
| 245 | MONICA'S GOING TO MAKE POTPOURRI. |
| 246 | I THINK I'M GOING TO GO WANDER OUT |
| 247 | IN THE RAIN FOR A WHILE. |
| 248 | BUT IT'S NOT RAINING. |
| 249 | I CAN'T CATCH A BREAK. |
| 250 | YOU KNOW WHAT, ROSS? |
| 251 | YOU'RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE. |
| 252 | YOU'RE GOING TO SIT RIGHT HERE. |
| 253 | I'M GOING TO MAKE YOU A CUP OF TEA |
| 254 | AND WE'RE GOING TO TALK THIS WHOLE THING OUT. |
| 255 | ALL RIGHT? |
| 256 | HEY, DAVE. |
| 257 | YEAH. |
| 258 | LISTEN, I'M GOING TO NEED TO TAKE A RAIN CHECK. |
| 259 | MY ROOMMATE IS JUST REALLY SICK. |
| 260 | OKAY? BYE. |
| 261 | HONEY, LISTEN... |
| 262 | I KNOW... |
| 263 | GOD, I KNOW THINGS SEEM SO BAD... |
| 264 | RACH? |
| 265 | COULD I TALK TO YOU JUST FOR A MINUTE? |
| 266 | I DROPPED SOME SOCKS. |
| 267 | YEAH. |
| 268 | WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU? |
| 269 | DO YOU WANT TO FALL INTO THE TRAP? |
| 270 | DO YOU WANT TO FALL INTO THE TRAP? |
| 271 | YOU DID NOT DROP ANY SOCKS! |
| 272 | DAVE TOLD ME YOU BLEW HIM OFF. |
| 273 | YOU LISTEN TO ME. |
| 274 | I'M CALLING THE SHOTS. |
| 275 | I SAY YOU LEAVE ROSS ALONE AND GO GET DAVE. |
| 276 | WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TRYING TO DO? |
| 277 | WELL, ULTIMATELY, I WAS TRYING... |
| 278 | YOU KNOW, I WANTED... |
| 279 | TO TELL HIM I WAS STILL IN LOVE WITH HIM. |
| 280 | WHAT? |
| 281 | YOU CANNOT TELL HIM THAT. |
| 282 | WHY? WHY NOT? |
| 283 | PEOPLE LOVE TO HEAR THAT. |
| 284 | I MAKE THE DECISIONS AND I SAY "NO." |
| 285 | WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 286 | NO, YOU DON'T MAKE MY DECISIONS |
| 287 | BECAUSE... YOU'RE FIRED. |
| 288 | ( gasps ) |
| 289 | YOU CAN'T FIRE ME. |
| 290 | I MAKE YOUR DECISIONS AND I SAY I'M NOT FIRED. HA! |
| 291 | WELL... |
| 292 | ( gasps ) |
| 293 | RACHEL! |
| 294 | COME ON, LET ME IN. |
| 295 | HAVING SOME TROUBLE? |
| 296 | RACHEL LOCKED THE DOOR. |
| 297 | I'LL KICK THAT DOOR IN IF YOU GIVE ME A LITTLE SUGAR. |
| 298 | OH! RACHEL! RA... LET ME IN! |
| 299 | RACHEL? |
| 300 | ( pounding ) |
| 301 | THANK YOU. |
| 302 | RACHEL... CAN I TALK TO YOU OUTSIDE FOR A SEC? |
| 303 | NO. |
| 304 | I REALLY NEED TO TALK TO YOU. |
| 305 | WELL, THEN, TALK. |
| 306 | OKAY, I WILL. |
| 307 | REMEMBER THAT THING THAT WE JUST DISCUSSED |
| 308 | THAT YOU WANTED TO DO? |
| 309 | YES. |
| 310 | WHAT THING? |
| 311 | Monica: WELL... |
| 312 | RACHEL WANTS TO TAKE SWING DANCE LESSONS... |
| 313 | WHICH I THINK IS A REALLY STUPID IDEA. |
| 314 | IT'S DANGEROUS. |
| 315 | SHE'S NEVER GOING TO GET WHAT SHE WANTS |
| 316 | AND WHO KNOWS WHO SHE MIGHT |
| 317 | END UP HURTING? |
| 318 | MONICA'S RIGHT, SWING DANCING CAN BE TRICKY. |
| 319 | I'M GOING TO USE THE PHONE. |
| 320 | I GOT TO CANCEL |
| 321 | THOSE FIVE GIANT TEDDY BEARS I SENT TO EMILY. |
| 322 | MY GOD, THINK OF THE MASSACRE. |
| 323 | I'M GOING TO DO IT. |
| 324 | ALL RIGHT... RACHEL... |
| 325 | OKAY, I KNOW YOU THINK I'M CRAZY |
| 326 | BUT BEFORE YOU TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM |
| 327 | JUST TRY TO FIND ONE PERSON WHO THINKS THIS IS A GOOD IDEA |
| 328 | 'CAUSE I BET YOU CAN'T. |
| 329 | BUT I R... |
| 330 | PLEASE! |
| 331 | ALL RIGHT, FINE. |
| 332 | ( thud ) |
| 333 | JOEY, I'M IN! |
| 334 | ( Joey, painfully ): ALL RIGHT, GOOD DEAL. |
| 335 | HEY... |
| 336 | PHEEBS! PHOEBE! |
| 337 | Rachel: HEY, PHEEBS. |
| 338 | UH... |
| 339 | OKAY... PHEEBS? |
| 340 | YEAH? UM... |
| 341 | YOU KNOW HOW THE OTHER DAY YOU WERE TALKING |
| 342 | ABOUT HOW YOU DIDN'T GET TO GO TO LONDON |
| 343 | AND YOU WERE FEELING LEFT OUT? |
| 344 | YEAH. |
| 345 | ALL RIGHT, WELL |
| 346 | WE ALL FELT REALLY BAD ABOUT THAT |
| 347 | SO... WE DECIDED |
| 348 | THAT WE SHOULD ALL TAKE A LITTLE TRIP TOGETHER. |
| 349 | OH, THAT'S SO NICE! |
| 350 | HOW GREAT! WHERE? |
| 351 | WHERE'S THE TRIP? |
| 352 | WELL... |
| 353 | WE THOUGHT WE WOULD ALL GO TO A PICNIC... |
| 354 | ( gasps ) |
| 355 | IN CENTRAL PARK! |
| 356 | CENTRAL PARK? |
| 357 | YEAH, ALL OF US, ALL DAY. |
| 358 | THAT SUCKS. |
| 359 | THAT'S NOT A TRIP. |
| 360 | I JUST CAME FROM THE PARK. |
| 361 | WHAT ARE WE GOING TO HIGH-FIVE ABOUT |
| 362 | AT THE STUPID CENTRAL PARK? |
| 363 | WELL, IT'S RIGHT BY MY HOUSE. |
| 364 | ALL RIGHT! |
| 365 | WELL, I'M GOING TO GO HOME |
| 366 | AND BASK IN THE TRIUMPH OF MY CENTRAL PARK IDEA. |
| 367 | HEY, WHOA! |
| 368 | HOLD ON A SEC THERE, MR. KISSY. |
| 369 | YOU KNOW |
| 370 | I'VE BEEN MEANING TO TALK TO YOU |
| 371 | ABOUT THIS WHOLE, LITTLE, NEW EUROPEAN THING |
| 372 | YOU'VE GOT GOING ON |
| 373 | AND I JUST NEED TO TELL YOU IT MAKES ME VERY UNCOMFORTABLE |
| 374 | AND I JUST... YOU KNOW, JUST STOP IT. |
| 375 | WELL, I WAS JUST TRYING |
| 376 | TO BRING A LITTLE CULTURE TO THE GROUP. |
| 377 | THAT'S FINE, JUST DON'T BRING IT IN MY MOUTH. |
| 378 | IT MAKES ME WANT TO PUKE. |
| 379 | HEY, EVERYBODY, PHEEBS IS HERE. |
| 380 | PHOEBE! HEY, PHOEBE! |
| 381 | HEY, PHEEBS! |
| 382 | HEY, PHOEBE, WHOO! |
| 383 | OKAY, WHOO, HI. |
| 384 | OKAY, PHEEBS... WE DECIDED |
| 385 | THAT THE PICNIC IDEA WAS A LITTLE... |
| 386 | YOU KNOW, IT DIDN'T HAVE ANY... |
| 387 | WELL, IT BLEW. |
| 388 | SO... |
| 389 | WE THOUGHT THAT THIS AFTERNOON |
| 390 | WE WOULD ALL GO AWAY FOR THE WHOLE WEEKEND |
| 391 | TO ATLANTIC CITY. |
| 392 | OOH, ATLANTIC CITY! |
| 393 | OH, THAT'S A GREAT PLAN. |
| 394 | WHOSE PLAN WAS THAT? |
| 395 | MINE. |
| 396 | ( excited gasp ) |
| 397 | WAIT. |
| 398 | IT WAS MY PLAN. |
| 399 | Joey: NO... |
| 400 | I SAID WE NEEDED A NEW PLAN. |
| 401 | AND I CAME UP WITH ATLANTIC CITY. |
| 402 | WHICH IS THE NEW PLAN. |
| 403 | ( disbelieving grunt ) |
| 404 | OKAY, WELL, WHY DON'T WE, UM |
| 405 | ALL MEET UPSTAIRS IN AN HOUR? |
| 406 | ( excited gasp ) |
| 407 | OKAY. OOH, ALL RIGHT, I'M GOING TO GO PACK. |
| 408 | I'M GOING TO GO PACK MY ASS OFF. |
| 409 | WHOO! |
| 410 | ALL RIGHT, COME ON, RACH, LET'S GO. |
| 411 | YEAH, YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 412 | I'M GOING TO MEET YOU UPSTAIRS IN A MINUTE. |
| 413 | NO. |
| 414 | RACHEL, YOU DIDN'T FIND ANYONE |
| 415 | SO YOU CAN'T TELL HIM. |
| 416 | WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 417 | THAT DOESN'T MATTER. |
| 418 | OKAY, RACHEL, DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA |
| 419 | HOW PAINFUL IT IS TO TELL SOMEONE THAT YOU LOVE THEM |
| 420 | AND NOT HAVE THEM SAY IT BACK? |
| 421 | I-I DON'T CARE. |
| 422 | OKAY. |
| 423 | I-I CAN'T WATCH. |
| 424 | WHATCHA READING? |
| 425 | PAPER. |
| 426 | YEAH? WHAT'S IT ABOUT? |
| 427 | EVENTS... FROM AROUND THE GLOBE. |
| 428 | OKAY. |
| 429 | ( chuckles ) |
| 430 | UH... ROSS, YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 431 | THERE'S SOMETHING THAT I... |
| 432 | THAT I HAVE TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT |
| 433 | AND EVERYBODY'S BEEN SAYING THAT I SHOULDN'T TELL YOU |
| 434 | BUT I-I THINK THEY'RE WRONG. |
| 435 | I MEAN, YOU KNOW HOW PEOPLE CAN BE WRONG. |
| 436 | SURE. |
| 437 | ONCE, AT WORK, I... ( laughs ) |
| 438 | I THOUGHT CARBON DATING OF FOSSILIZED... |
| 439 | OKAY, ROSS, I'M REALLY TRYING |
| 440 | TO TELL YOU SOMETHING HERE. |
| 441 | OH, UH... |
| 442 | YEAH. |
| 443 | OKAY. |
| 444 | GO AHEAD. |
| 445 | UM... OKAY. |
| 446 | I THINK I'M-I'M JUST GO... I'M JUST GOING TO SAY IT. |
| 447 | I'M JUST GOING TO SAY IT. |
| 448 | UH... |
| 449 | ( sighs ) |
| 450 | I'M STILL IN LOVE WITH YOU... ROSS. |
| 451 | WOW. |
| 452 | UH... |
| 453 | HUH, I'M-I'M... |
| 454 | WOW, I'M NOT SURE WHAT TO DO WITH THAT RIGHT NOW. |
| 455 | ( laughing ) |
| 456 | WH-WHAT? WAS THAT A JOKE? |
| 457 | 'CAUSE IT'S MEAN. |
| 458 | ( laughing ) |
| 459 | I'M SO DEAD SERIOUS. |
| 460 | I'M TOTALLY SERIOUS. |
| 461 | WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING? BECAU... |
| 462 | ( laughing ) |
| 463 | BECAUSE I JUST HEARD IT. |
| 464 | I HEARD IT AND IT'S RIDICULOUS! |
| 465 | I MEAN... YOU'RE MARRIED. |
| 466 | YOU'RE MARRIED AND IT'S JUST RIDICULOUS |
| 467 | AND IT'S, LIKE... IT'S, LIKE, WHEN I SAID IT |
| 468 | I JUST SORT OF, LIKE, I FLOATED UP OUT OF MY BODY, YOU KNOW |
| 469 | AN-AND, THEN... AND, THEN, I HEARD MYSELF SAY IT |
| 470 | AND, THEN, THE FLOATING RACHEL... |
| 471 | WAS, LIKE, "YOU ARE SUCH AN IDIOT!" |
| 472 | WELL... WELL, I AM MARRIED... |
| 473 | I KNOW. |
| 474 | EVEN THOUGH I HAVEN'T SPOKEN TO MY WIFE SINCE THE WEDDING. |
| 475 | ( laughing ) |
| 476 | I'M SORRY, THAT'S NOT FUNNY. |
| 477 | ACTUALLY, IT-IT KIND OF IS. |
| 478 | ( chuckling ) |
| 479 | MY WIFE WON'T RETURN MY CALLS. |
| 480 | ( laughing ) |
| 481 | I DON'T KNOW WHERE MY WIFE IS. |
| 482 | OH, DARN. |
| 483 | ( laughing ) |
| 484 | "HEY, ROSS, WHERE'S THE MISSUS?" |
| 485 | "DON'T KNOW." |
| 486 | ( laughing ) |
| 487 | OH... GOD. |
| 488 | OH... |
| 489 | OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 490 | DO YOU THINK... UH, DO YOU THINK YOU COULD |
| 491 | JUST KIND OF FORGET THAT I TOLD YOU THIS? |
| 492 | WELL, I KIND OF HAVE TO, I MEAN, 'CAUSE THE THING IS... |
| 493 | WELL, THE THING IS... |
| 494 | THAT... YOU KNOW, THAT YOU'RE MARRIED TO EMILY. |
| 495 | THAT IS WHAT THE THING IS. |
| 496 | OH, GOD. |
| 497 | THING... ROSS... |
| 498 | THINGS AREN'T GOING TO BE WEIRD BETWEEN US, RIGHT? |
| 499 | I MEAN, WAS THAT JUST THE STUPIDEST THING, ME TELLING YOU THAT? |
| 500 | NO, NO, NO. |
| 501 | GOD, I MEAN, I'M GLAD YOU DID. |
| 502 | LOOK, IF-IF NOTHING ELSE, IT'S-IT'S ALWAYS GREAT |
| 503 | WHEN SOMEONE TELLS YOU THEY LOVE YOU. |
| 504 | R... THAT'S WHAT I SAID! |
| 505 | ROSS, THANK YOU FOR BEING SO NICE. |
| 506 | NO, THANK YOU FOR... |
| 507 | THANK YOU. |
| 508 | ( happy sigh ) |
| 509 | OKAY, LET'S GO! |
| 510 | YEAH, ATLANTIC CITY! |
| 511 | Ross: COME ON. |
| 512 | ATLANTIC CITY, BABY. |
| 513 | OOH, LET'S ROLL SOME BONES. |
| 514 | HEY, JOEY |
| 515 | HIGH-FIVE FOR ROLLING BONES. |
| 516 | ( howling ) |
| 517 | OW! |
| 518 | OH! |
| 519 | UH, PHEEBS, YOU'RE LEAKING. |
| 520 | OH, MY GOD, YOUR WATER BROKE. |
| 521 | OH... OKAY. OH... |
| 522 | ALL RIGHT, WELL, DON'T WORRY. |
| 523 | I CALL SHOTGUN. |
| 524 | PHEEBS! |
| 525 | WE HAVE TO TAKE YOU TO THE HOSPITAL NOW. |
| 526 | Ross: PHEEBS |
| 527 | PHEEBS, THE BABIES ARE COMING NOW. |
| 528 | HONEY, HIGH-FIVE, THE BABIES ARE COMING. |
| 529 | ( whooping ) HEY, WAIT... |
| 530 | REMEMBER WHEN MY WATER BROKE? |
| 531 | ( whooping ) |
| 532 | PHOEBE'S GOING TO HAVE HER BABIES. |
| 533 | I KNOW, IT'S... BEAUTIFUL AND AMAZING. |
| 534 | YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE I CAN'T BELIEVE? |
| 535 | I HAD TO KISS PHOEBE AND RACHEL EVERY TIME I LEFT THE ROOM. |
| 536 | I MEAN, IT'S TOO BAD THEY DIDN'T SEE US HAVING SEX. |
| 537 | DO YOU KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT WOMEN? |
| 538 | NO. |
| 539 | IT'S ALL RIGHT. |
| 540 | OKAY. |
| 541 | [Captioned by The Caption Center WGBH Educational Foundation] |
| 542 | |
| 1 | HI. |
| 2 | HI, YEAH, HI. |
| 3 | I'M, UM, PHOEBE BUFFAY |
| 4 | AND I HAVE BABIES COMING OUT OF ME. |
| 5 | OKAY. HAVE YOU STARTED HAVING CONTRACTIONS? |
| 6 | NOT YET. I HEARD THEY REALLY HURT. |
| 7 | DO THEY HURT? |
| 8 | OH. WELL... |
| 9 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 10 | NOW, WHICH OF YOU IS THE FATHER? |
| 11 | NO, NONE OF THEM ARE THE FATHER. THE FATHER IS MY BROTHER. |
| 12 | OKAY. |
| 13 | I AM SO GOING TO MISS |
| 14 | WATCHING YOU FREAK PEOPLE OUT LIKE THAT. |
| 15 | ( giggling ) OKAY, PHEEBS, LOOK, LOOK, |
| 16 | THIS IS FOR THE BABIES TO LOOK AT SOMEDAY. |
| 17 | SO IS THERE ANYTHING YOU WANT TO SAY-- |
| 18 | YOU KNOW, BEFORE IT ALL STARTS? |
| 19 | OH, OKAY. UM... HI, KIDS. |
| 20 | UM, IT'S ME, AUNT PHOEBE. |
| 21 | CAN'T WAIT TO SEE YOU. |
| 22 | PLEASE DON'T HURT ME. |
| 23 | HEY, WHAT TOOK YOU GUYS SO LONG? |
| 24 | YOUR CAB LEFT WHEN OURS DID. |
| 25 | ( clears throat ) |
| 26 | WELL, WE HAD TO GO BACK 'CAUSE I FORGOT MY JACKET. |
| 27 | ( chuckling ): THAT'S RIGHT. |
| 28 | YOU... YOU'RE NOT WEARING A JACKET. |
| 29 | OH, MAN. I DID IT AGAIN. |
| 30 | OKAY, SO SOMEONE HAS TO CALL FRANK AND ALICE |
| 31 | AND THEN MY MOM... JOEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? |
| 32 | WELL, I GOT TO GET THE "BEFORE" SHOT. |
| 33 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU ♪ |
| 34 | ♪ LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 35 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 36 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 37 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 38 | ♪ WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY, YOUR WEEK ♪ |
| 39 | ♪ YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 40 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 41 | ♪ WHEN THE RAIN STARTS TO POUR ♪ |
| 42 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 43 | ♪ LIKE I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE ♪ |
| 44 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 45 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME, TOO. ♪ |
| 46 | HI. PHEEBS? OKAY, SO WE JUST SPOKE TO THE NURSE |
| 47 | AND THE REASON THAT YOUR DOCTOR IS LATE |
| 48 | IS BECAUSE, UH, SHE'S NOT COMING. |
| 49 | WHAT?! APPARENTLY, SHE FELL IN THE SHOWER AND HIT HER HEAD. |
| 50 | OH, MY GOD. SHE'S SO STUPID. |
| 51 | PHEEBS. PHEEBS, IT'S GOING TO BE OKAY. |
| 52 | THAT'S EASY FOR YOU TO SAY. I DON'T SEE THREE KIDS |
| 53 | COMING OUT OF YOUR VAGINA. |
| 54 | HONEY, LISTEN, YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 55 | THE NURSE SAID THAT THE DOCTOR IS WONDERFUL. |
| 56 | YEAH, HE'S THE HEAD OF THE DEPARTMENT. |
| 57 | ( sighs ): ALL RIGHT. |
| 58 | OOH. OH, DEAR GOD, SAVE ME. |
| 59 | WHAT? I'M HAVING MY FIRST CONTRACTION. |
| 60 | OH, IT'S NOT BAD. Chandler: OKAY. |
| 61 | ( deep voice ): AND SO THE MIRACLE OF BIRTH BEGINS AND... |
| 62 | ( screaming ) |
| 63 | HEY, ARE YOU OKAY? |
| 64 | OOH. SOMETHING HURTS. |
| 65 | OOH, IT'S SYMPATHY PAINS. |
| 66 | OH, THAT'S SO SWEET. |
| 67 | I DIDN'T KNOW I CARED THAT MUCH. |
| 68 | HELLO. HI. |
| 69 | PHOEBE, I'M DR. HARAD. |
| 70 | I'M GOING TO BE DELIVERING YOUR BABIES. |
| 71 | I WANT YOU TO KNOW YOU'RE GOING TO BE IN GOOD HANDS. |
| 72 | I'VE BEEN DOING THIS FOR A LONG TIME. |
| 73 | I'LL BE BACK IN A MINUTE TO DO YOUR INTERNAL. |
| 74 | IN THE MEANTIME, JUST RELAX |
| 75 | BECAUSE EVERYTHING HERE LOOKS GREAT. |
| 76 | AND, ALSO, I LOVE FONZIE. |
| 77 | DID HE JUST SAY HE LOVES FONZIE? |
| 78 | THAT'S WHAT IT SOUNDED LIKE. |
| 79 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 80 | HEY! |
| 81 | ( all yelling ) |
| 82 | HEY, AM I LATE? AM I LATE? NOBODY CAME OUT YET, RIGHT? |
| 83 | NO, NO, NO, WE HAVEN'T STARTED YET. WHERE'S ALICE? |
| 84 | UH, DELAWARE. SHE'S ON HER WAY, THOUGH. |
| 85 | SO UNTIL SHE GETS HERE, I'M GOING TO BE YOUR COACH. |
| 86 | BUT DON'T WORRY-- SHE TOLD ME ALL ABOUT THE "LA-MAZDA" STUFF. |
| 87 | YEAH, THAT'S WHEN, IF YOU GET THE BABIES OUT BY THE END OF THE MONTH |
| 88 | THEY GIVE YOU TWO PERCENT FINANCING. |
| 89 | YEAH. |
| 90 | MONICA, YOU'RE GOING TO BE VERY PROUD OF ME. |
| 91 | I JUST GOT US DATES WITH TWO UNBELIEVABLY CUTE NURSES. |
| 92 | OH, MY. |
| 93 | THEY ARE MALE NURSES. |
| 94 | ( chuckling ): NOT IN MY HEAD. |
| 95 | ANYWAY, THEY WANT TO TAKE US OUT SATURDAY NIGHT. |
| 96 | WHAT DO YOU SAY? |
| 97 | UM... |
| 98 | UM... |
| 99 | I DON'T THINK SO. |
| 100 | WHAT? WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? |
| 101 | YOU'RE THE ONE WHO'S BEEN TELLING ME |
| 102 | TO GET OVER ROSS AND MOVE ON. |
| 103 | I'M MOVING ON, AND YOU'RE MOVING ON WITH ME. |
| 104 | COME ON. GIVE ME ONE GOOD REASON WHY YOU DON'T WANT TO GO. |
| 105 | WELL, UM... |
| 106 | WHY DON'T YOU GIVE ME SOMETHING THAT WOULD BE A GOOD REASON |
| 107 | AND THEN I'LL TELL YOU IF IT'S TRUE? |
| 108 | WHAT? HARDER THAN IT SOUNDS, ISN'T IT? |
| 109 | OKAY, YOU'RE COMING WITH ME, I ALSO TOLD THEM THAT |
| 110 | IF WE'RE STILL HERE WHEN THEY GET OFF |
| 111 | THAT WE'LL GO DOWN TO THE CAFETERIA |
| 112 | AND GET SOME JELL-O WITH THEM. |
| 113 | ( deep voice ): YEP. |
| 114 | THERE'S ALWAYS ROOM FOR JELL-O. |
| 115 | JOEY, HOW DO YOU MAKE THAT DIRTY? |
| 116 | AH, IT'S EASY. YEAH, I CAN DO IT WITH ANYTHING. |
| 117 | WATCH. UH... |
| 118 | ( deep voice ): GRANDMA'S CHICKEN SALAD... |
| 119 | ROSS! COME HERE. |
| 120 | GET A SHOT OF THIS. |
| 121 | HEY, BABIES-- |
| 122 | THESE ARE THE HEADLINES ON THE DAY YOU WERE BORN. |
| 123 | OKAY, NOW, GIRL BABY, TURN AWAY |
| 124 | AND, BOY BABIES... CHECK IT OUT, HUH? |
| 125 | THIS IS WHAT NAKED WOMEN LOOKED LIKE, THE MONTH YOU WERE BORN. |
| 126 | ALL RIGHT, NOW LET'S DIVE RIGHT INTO THE GOOD STUFF. |
| 127 | OKAY, I'M HAVING ANOTHER ONE. |
| 128 | THIS ONE DOESN'T HURT EITHER. |
| 129 | OOH, YES, IT DOES. OW! OW! |
| 130 | OW! OW! |
| 131 | OOH! |
| 132 | OOH, I WAS KIND OF HOPING THAT WAS IT. |
| 133 | HEY, WHERE ARE MONICA AND RACHEL ANYWAY? |
| 134 | A COUPLE OF NURSES ASKED THEM OUT; MAYBE THEY'RE WITH THEM. |
| 135 | REALLY? MALE NURSES? |
| 136 | YEAH. I WAS BUMMED, TOO. |
| 137 | SO THEY'RE GOING ON DATES? |
| 138 | WHEN? |
| 139 | I THINK SATURDAY. |
| 140 | ( screaming ) |
| 141 | WHAT'S WITH HIM? |
| 142 | UM, SYMPATHY PAINS. |
| 143 | I THOUGHT IT WAS REALLY SWEET AT FIRST |
| 144 | BUT NOW I THINK HE'S JUST TRYING TO STEAL MY THUNDER. |
| 145 | OKAY. OKAY. |
| 146 | LET'S SEE WHAT WE GOT HERE. |
| 147 | OH, YOU KNOW, FONZIE DATED TRIPLETS. |
| 148 | THIS FONZIE PERSON YOU KEEP REFERRING TO-- |
| 149 | IS THAT, UH... IS THAT ANOTHER DOCTOR? |
| 150 | OH, NO, NO. |
| 151 | FONZIE IS THE NICKNAME OF ARTHUR FONZARELLI. |
| 152 | THE FONZ. |
| 153 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 154 | IT'S NOT THAT WEIRD, IS IT? |
| 155 | IT'S VERY WEIRD. |
| 156 | I DON'T WANT SOME GUY DOWN THERE TELLING ME I'M "DILATED-AMUNDO." |
| 157 | TO BE FAIR, HE DOESN'T SEEM TO BE IMPERSONATING FONZIE... |
| 158 | WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! |
| 159 | WHY ARE YOU DEFENDING HIM? JUST GET ME ANOTHER DOCTOR-- |
| 160 | ONE WHO IS NOT CRAZY AND DOES NOT "FONZIE." |
| 161 | AGAIN, IT'S NOT THAT HE... |
| 162 | OH! OH! |
| 163 | OH, HEY, THERE-THERE YOU ARE. |
| 164 | LISTEN, I-I THINK THAT THERE IS SOMETHING THAT YOU SHOULD KNOW. |
| 165 | OH, IS THIS ABOUT YOU... YOU DATING THE NURSE? |
| 166 | YEAH. JOEY ALREADY TOLD ME, AND I AM SO, SO FINE. |
| 167 | I MEAN, YOU AND I-- WE'RE JUST, YOU KNOW, WE'RE NOTHING. |
| 168 | WE'RE JUST... EH, GOOFING AROUND. |
| 169 | UM, ACTUALLY I WAS ABOUT TO TELL YOU |
| 170 | THAT I WAS-I WAS GOING TO GET OUT OF IT |
| 171 | BUT, HEY, IF WE'RE JUST GOOFING AROUND |
| 172 | THEN, UH, MAYBE I WILL GO OUT WITH HIM. |
| 173 | FINE. MAYBE I WILL, TOO. |
| 174 | HEY. YOU GUYS. LOOK WHAT I FOUND IN THE... GIIIFT SHOP! |
| 175 | OH! OW! GET UP! GET UP! |
| 176 | OKAY, PHEEBS? YEAH. |
| 177 | THIS IS DR. OBERMAN. |
| 178 | HE HAS NO STRONG FEELINGS ABOUT FONZIE |
| 179 | OR ANY OF THE HAPPY DAYS GANG. |
| 180 | HI. AND YOU'RE GOING INTO WHAT GRADE? |
| 181 | I'M ACTUALLY A FIRST-YEAR RESIDENT, BUT I GET THAT A LOT. |
| 182 | YOU SEE, I GRADUATED EARLY... |
| 183 | UH-HUH, ME, TOO. |
| 184 | ROSS, MAYBE I SHOULD HAVE SPECIFIED |
| 185 | THAT I'D BE NEEDING A GROWN-UP DOCTOR. |
| 186 | OH, NO, REALLY, I'M FULLY QUALIFIED TO... |
| 187 | SHH! DOOGIE, SHH! |
| 188 | DOESN'T ANYBODY UNDERSTAND THAT I'M |
| 189 | GOING TO BE HAVING BABIES SOON? HUH?! |
| 190 | GO! GO, LITTLE BOY, GO! |
| 191 | OH, YOU MADE HIM CRY. |
| 192 | MR. TRIBBIANI, I'M AFRAID |
| 193 | YOU'VE GOT KIDNEY STONES. |
| 194 | UH... WELL, WHAT ELSE COULD IT BE? |
| 195 | IT'S KIDNEY STONES. |
| 196 | OR... |
| 197 | KIDNEY STONES. |
| 198 | ALL RIGHT, YOU'RE GETTING THERE. |
| 199 | OH, AND, YOU KNOW THESE BABIES ARE VERY, VERY LUCKY. |
| 200 | THEY ARE? WHY? |
| 201 | THEY HAVE THE HONOR OF BEING BORN |
| 202 | ON THE FONZ'S HALF-BIRTHDAY. |
| 203 | HAPPY BIRTHDAY. |
| 204 | JUST TO CLARIFY... |
| 205 | I'M NOT FONZIE. |
| 206 | HONEY, YOU KNOW, I JUST GOT TO TELL YOU. |
| 207 | I THINK THIS IS SUCH A TERRIFIC THING |
| 208 | YOU'RE HAVING THESE BABIES FOR FRANK AND ALICE. |
| 209 | NO, IT IS. YEAH. |
| 210 | CAN I TELL YOU A LITTLE SECRET? |
| 211 | YEAH. |
| 212 | I WANT TO KEEP ONE. |
| 213 | OH, I'M GOING TO BE ON THE NEWS. |
| 214 | OKAY, PHOEBE. HONEY, YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING. |
| 215 | YOU KNOW YOU CAN'T KEEP ONE OF THESE BABIES. |
| 216 | WHY NOT? MAYBE I CAN; YOU DON'T KNOW. |
| 217 | YES, YES, I DO KNOW-- FRANK AND ALICE ARE GOING |
| 218 | TO WANT TO KEEP ALL OF THEIR CHILDREN. |
| 219 | MAYBE NOT, YOU KNOW? |
| 220 | SERIOUSLY-- THREE BABIES ARE A HANDFUL. |
| 221 | MAYBE THEY'RE, YOU KNOW, LOOKING FOR A CHANCE |
| 222 | TO UNLOAD ONE OF THEM. |
| 223 | I'D HATE TO MISS AN OPPORTUNITY |
| 224 | JUST 'CAUSE I DIDN'T ASK. |
| 225 | PHOEBE, NO. THIS IS... THIS IS INSANE. |
| 226 | OH, JUST ASK HIM. |
| 227 | WHA...? ME? |
| 228 | I CAN'T ASK HIM. |
| 229 | DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW INAPPROPRIATE THAT WOULD BE? |
| 230 | ALL I'M SAYING IS JUST TALK TO FRANK, OKAY? |
| 231 | JUST... YOU KNOW, FEEL HIM OUT. |
| 232 | NO. FORGET IT. I AM NOT GOING TO ASK FRANK |
| 233 | TO GIVE YOU ONE OF HIS KIDS. |
| 234 | YOU'RE RIGHT. |
| 235 | ( sighs ) |
| 236 | TELL HIM IT'S FOR YOU. |
| 237 | FEELING A LITTLE BETTER, SWEETIE? |
| 238 | WELL, MAYBE A LITTLE. |
| 239 | I WISH YOU HADN'T SEEN ME THROW UP. |
| 240 | ME, TOO. |
| 241 | HEY. I JUST HEARD. |
| 242 | WHAT'S UP? |
| 243 | KIDNEY STONES. |
| 244 | NOW, ORDINARILY, MR. TRIBBIANI |
| 245 | WE TRY TO BREAK THE STONES UP WITH SHOCK WAVES |
| 246 | BUT THEY'RE TOO CLOSE TO THE BLADDER NOW |
| 247 | WHICH MEANS WE CAN EITHER WAIT FOR YOU TO PASS THEM |
| 248 | OR ELSE GO UP THE URETHRA. |
| 249 | WHOA-HO! |
| 250 | NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. |
| 251 | NOTHING IS GOING UP, OKAY? |
| 252 | "UP"-- "UP" IS NOT AN OPTION. |
| 253 | WHAT'S A URETHRA? |
| 254 | ( whispering ) |
| 255 | ARE YOU CRAZY?! |
| 256 | SO DID YOU ASK HIM? |
| 257 | NO. I HAVEN'T HAD A CHANCE TO BE ALONE WITH HIM YET. |
| 258 | WELL, I'M KIND OF ON A CLOCK HERE. |
| 259 | ( chuckling ) |
| 260 | OH, FONZIE. |
| 261 | YOU KNOW WHO I ALWAYS LIKED? MORK. |
| 262 | UNDO IT, UNDO IT, UNDO IT. |
| 263 | FONZIE MET MORK. |
| 264 | MORK FROZE FONZIE. |
| 265 | YEAH. UM... |
| 266 | YES, BUT... |
| 267 | FONZIE WAS ALREADY COOL... |
| 268 | SO HE WASN'T HURT, RIGHT? |
| 269 | YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT. |
| 270 | HEY. HI. |
| 271 | HOW YOU DOING? OKAY. THE DOCTOR SAYS ANY MINUTE KNOW. |
| 272 | HEY, YOU KNOW |
| 273 | ALICE IS GOING TO BE HERE SO SOON. |
| 274 | YOU COULDN'T JUST, LIKE, DO ME A FAVOR AND, LIKE... |
| 275 | LIKE-LIKE HOLD THEM IN? |
| 276 | SORRY, FRANK. I'M KIND OF IN THE MIDDLE OF THE LAST FAVOR |
| 277 | YOU ASKED ME TO DO. |
| 278 | HEY. |
| 279 | HI. RACHEL... |
| 280 | UH, MONICA, THIS IS DAN, ONE OF THE GUYS WE'RE GOING |
| 281 | TO BE GOING OUT WITH ON SATURDAY. |
| 282 | UH, DAN, MONICA. |
| 283 | NICE TO MEET YOU. |
| 284 | HELLO, DAN. |
| 285 | I'M REALLY LOOKING FORWARD TO SATURDAY NIGHT-- |
| 286 | REALLY, REALLY! |
| 287 | SO, DAN... |
| 288 | NURSE, NOT A DOCTOR, HUH? |
| 289 | KIND OF GIRLIE, ISN'T IT? |
| 290 | CHANDLER... NO, THAT'S OKAY; I'M JUST DOING THIS |
| 291 | TO PUT MYSELF THROUGH MEDICAL SCHOOL. |
| 292 | OH. |
| 293 | AND IT DIDN'T FEEL SO GIRLIE DURING THE GULF WAR. |
| 294 | SURE. |
| 295 | AND, LISTEN, THANKS FOR DOING THAT FOR US BY THE WAY. |
| 296 | SO WHY WAIT TILL SATURDAY? ARE YOU FREE TOMORROW? |
| 297 | SURE. I'LL GET SOMEBODY TO COVER MY SHIFT. |
| 298 | AW, GREAT. |
| 299 | HEY, UH, HOW ABOUT IT-- YOU AND ME, SATURDAY NIGHT? |
| 300 | NO. ALL RIGHT. VERY GOOD. |
| 301 | OOH, THIS IS A BIG ONE. |
| 302 | ( screams ) |
| 303 | OH! GET THESE THINGS OUT OF ME! |
| 304 | BREATHE... |
| 305 | BREATHE THROUGH THE PAIN. |
| 306 | ( wheezing ) |
| 307 | I WANT THE DRUGS, ROSS! |
| 308 | I WANT THE DRUGS! |
| 309 | I DO, TOO! I DO, TOO! |
| 310 | ( both screaming ) |
| 311 | YEAH, I LOVE YOU. |
| 312 | OKAY. BYE. |
| 313 | HI. HI. |
| 314 | THAT WAS ALICE'S MOM. SHE SAID THAT SHE LEFT FIVE HOURS AGO. |
| 315 | SHE SHOULD BE HERE BY NOW. OH, HONEY, DON'T WORRY. |
| 316 | SHE'S GOING TO MAKE IT ON TIME. |
| 317 | YEAH. YEAH. |
| 318 | SO, FRANK... THREE BABIES. |
| 319 | WHOO! THAT JUST SEEMS LIKE A LOT, HUH? |
| 320 | ( chuckling ): NOT TO ME. |
| 321 | YEAH, FAIR ENOUGH. |
| 322 | OKAY, YOU'RE TEN CENTIMETERS. |
| 323 | TIME TO START HAVING SOME BABIES. |
| 324 | I WANT ONLY THE FATHER IN HERE, PLEASE. |
| 325 | WE LOVE YOU. GOOD LUCK. LOVE YOU. |
| 326 | BYE, DAN. |
| 327 | UH, BYE, MONICA. |
| 328 | UH... BYE ( babbling ). |
| 329 | ALL RIGHT. I NEED A CLAMP, A STERILE TOWEL AND CHANNEL 31. |
| 330 | WHAT IS THAT? |
| 331 | ♪ Sunday, Monday, Happy Days ♪ |
| 332 | ♪ Tuesday, Wednesday, Happy Days... ♪ |
| 333 | OH, MY GOD! OH, NO, NO, NO. |
| 334 | IT'S A GOOD ONE. FONZIE PLAYS THE BONGOS. |
| 335 | ALL RIGHT, YOU READY? IT'S TIME TO TRY PUSHING. |
| 336 | ARE YOU READY? IT'S TIME TO TRY PEEING. |
| 337 | WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT! WAIT! |
| 338 | IT'S ALMOST TIME TO TRY PEEING. |
| 339 | NOW, PUSH. THAT'S IT, PUSH. |
| 340 | NOW, JUST CONCENTRATE ON PUSHING. |
| 341 | YEAH, HERE WE GO. I SEE THE HEAD. |
| 342 | YES! IT HAS A HEAD! |
| 343 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 344 | THAT'S IT. KEEP PUSHING. COME ON. |
| 345 | I CAN'T BELIEVE THERE'S SOMEBODY COMING OUT OF YOU RIGHT NOW. |
| 346 | THERE'S SOMEBODY COMING OUT OF YOU, AND HE'S, HE'S... |
| 347 | THAT'S MY SON! ALL RIGHT. |
| 348 | ( baby crying ) |
| 349 | HERE'S YOUR FIRST BABY. |
| 350 | YES! |
| 351 | YES! WE GOT A BABY BOY! |
| 352 | ( all cheering ) |
| 353 | FRANK, JR., JR.! |
| 354 | OH! HOW DOES HE LOOK? HOW DOES HE LOOK? |
| 355 | SO GROSS! |
| 356 | OKAY, YOU READY TO PUSH AGAIN? |
| 357 | OH, I ALREADY HAD A BABY-- LEAVE ME ALONE. |
| 358 | OKAY, OKAY, COME ON. YOU CAN DO IT. |
| 359 | YOU CAN DO IT. |
| 360 | ( screams ) |
| 361 | ( screams ) |
| 362 | YEAH! HA-HA! |
| 363 | LITTLE LESLIE'S HERE! WE GOT ANOTHER ONE! |
| 364 | OH, MY GOD. I CAN'T BELIEVE I HAVE... |
| 365 | TWO CHILDREN. |
| 366 | HOW SCARY IS THAT? |
| 367 | COME ON, LITTLE CHANDLER, IT'S TIME TO BE BORN. |
| 368 | COME ON, LITTLE CHANDLER. |
| 369 | YEP. ALL RIGHT, HE'S COMING. COME ON. |
| 370 | HE'S COMING. HE'S COMING. |
| 371 | ( crying ) |
| 372 | HEY, WHERE'S HIS THING? |
| 373 | CHANDLER IS A GIRL! |
| 374 | OH, GOD, KINDERGARTEN FLASHBACK. |
| 375 | WELL, THEY MUST HAVE READ THE SONOGRAM WRONG |
| 376 | 'CAUSE THEY-'CAUSE THEY THOUGHT IT WAS A BOY |
| 377 | BUT CHANDLER'S A GIRL; CHANDLER'S A GIRL! |
| 378 | OKAY! KEEP SAYING IT! |
| 379 | AM I TOO LATE? |
| 380 | NO, NO. EVERYTHING'S OKAY; EVERYBODY'S HEALTHY. |
| 381 | THERE'S 30 FINGERS AND 30 TOES. |
| 382 | WE HAVE OUR BABIES? |
| 383 | YEAH... |
| 384 | OH. WE HAVE OUR BABIES. |
| 385 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 386 | YOU DID IT, MAN. |
| 387 | WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE THEM? |
| 388 | THEY'RE SO SMALL... |
| 389 | SO I'LL CALL YOU TOMORROW. |
| 390 | GREAT. |
| 391 | SO ARE YOU REALLY GOING TO GO OUT WITH THAT NURSE MAN? |
| 392 | WELL, YOU AND I ARE JUST "GOOFING AROUND" |
| 393 | AND I THOUGHT, "WHY NOT JUST GOOF AROUND WITH HIM?" |
| 394 | YOU KNOW, I DON'T KNOW IF YOU'VE EVER LOOKED UP |
| 395 | THE TERM "GOOFING AROUND" IN THE DICTIONARY. |
| 396 | WELL, I HAVE. |
| 397 | AND THE TECHNICAL |
| 398 | DEFINITION IS... |
| 399 | TWO FRIENDS... |
| 400 | WHO CARE A LOT ABOUT EACH OTHER |
| 401 | AND HAVE... AMAZING SEX... |
| 402 | AND JUST WANT TO SPEND MORE TIME TOGETHER, YOU KNOW? |
| 403 | BUT, IF YOU HAVE THIS NEWFANGLED DICTIONARY |
| 404 | THAT GETS YOU MAD AT ME, THEN WE HAVE TO, YOU KNOW, |
| 405 | GET YOU MY ORIGINAL DICTIONARY. |
| 406 | I AM SO BAD AT THIS. |
| 407 | I THINK YOU'RE BETTER THAN YOU THINK YOU ARE. |
| 408 | REALLY? |
| 409 | OKAY. SO IF... |
| 410 | KNOW WHEN TO STOP. |
| 411 | I SENSED THAT I SHOULD STOP. |
| 412 | MM-HMM. |
| 413 | SO, WE'RE OKAY? |
| 414 | YEAH. ALL RIGHT, I'M GOING TO GO TELL DAN |
| 415 | THAT IT'S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. |
| 416 | DON'T DO THE DANCE. RIGHT. |
| 417 | I THINK YOU'RE MY FAVORITE. |
| 418 | WHICH ONE DO YOU HAVE? |
| 419 | I DON'T CARE. |
| 420 | HI. |
| 421 | HEY. |
| 422 | SO FRANK AND ALICE WANTED ME TO TELL YOU |
| 423 | THEY'RE STILL OUTSIDE, MAKING PHONE CALLS. |
| 424 | OH. BUT, UM, I MEAN |
| 425 | DID YOU TALK TO THEM ABOUT... YOU KNOW? |
| 426 | YEAH. |
| 427 | UM... |
| 428 | ( sighs ): NO, HONEY. |
| 429 | OH, OKAY. |
| 430 | IT WAS A LONG SHOT. |
| 431 | HEY, YOU GUYS, CAN I JUST HAVE |
| 432 | LIKE, A SECOND ALONE WITH THE BABIES? |
| 433 | OH, YEAH, SURE. |
| 434 | YEAH. |
| 435 | ( sniffling ) |
| 436 | ( crying softly ) |
| 437 | ( door closes ) |
| 438 | SO HERE YOU ARE. |
| 439 | SEEMS LIKE YESTERDAY I WAS TALKING TO YOU |
| 440 | IN THAT LITTLE PETRI DISH. |
| 441 | EVERYONE SAID LABOR WAS THE HARDEST THING |
| 442 | I'D EVER HAVE TO DO, BUT THEY WERE WRONG. |
| 443 | THIS IS. |
| 444 | WELL, I HAD THE MOST FUN WITH YOU GUYS... |
| 445 | AND I WISH I COULD TAKE YOU HOME AND SEE YOU EVERY DAY... |
| 446 | OKAY, I'LL SETTLE FOR BEING YOUR FAVORITE AUNT. |
| 447 | I KNOW ALICE'S SISTER HAS A POOL, BUT YOU LIVED IN ME. |
| 448 | OKAY, SO WE'RE COOL. |
| 449 | YEAH, WE'RE GOING TO BE GREAT. |
| 450 | OKAY? |
| 451 | LITTLE HIGH FIVES? |
| 452 | AH! AH! AH! |
| 453 | OH... |
| 454 | ( baby cries ) |
| 455 | WELL, IF YOU'RE GOING TO CRY... |
| 456 | ( sobbing softly ) |
| 457 | PHOEBE, WE ARE SO PROUD OF YOU; YOU'RE AMAZING. |
| 458 | I KNOW. |
| 459 | DOES IT REALLY HURT AS BAD AS THEY SAY? |
| 460 | YEAH. YOU WON'T BE ABLE TO TAKE IT. |
| 461 | SO, NOW THAT LITTLE CHANDLER TURNED OUT TO BE A GIRL |
| 462 | WHAT ARE THEY GOING TO NAME HER? |
| 463 | THEY'RE GOING TO CALL HER CHANDLER. |
| 464 | KIND OF A MASCULINE NAME, DON'T YOU THINK? |
| 465 | WORKS ON YOU. |
| 466 | |
| 1 | Monica: COME IN. |
| 2 | I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU. |
| 3 | HI, I JUST... |
| 4 | ( screams ) |
| 5 | MY GOD! |
| 6 | OH, MY GOD, MONICA! |
| 7 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 8 | I'M SORRY. SORRY. |
| 9 | I-I WAS, UM... |
| 10 | I WAS TAKING A NAP. |
| 11 | SINCE WHEN DO YOU TAKE NAPS IN THAT POSITION? |
| 12 | GOD, MONICA, SAY YOU WERE WAITING FOR A GUY. |
| 13 | PLEASE SAY YOU WERE WAITING FOR A GUY. |
| 14 | YES. YES, I WAS. |
| 15 | A GUY. |
| 16 | FROM WORK. |
| 17 | I'M SEEING A GUY FROM WORK! |
| 18 | HA! |
| 19 | OH, THAT CUTE WAITER GUY FROM YOUR RESTAURANT. |
| 20 | THE ONE THAT LOOKS LIKE A NONTHREATENING RAY LIOTTA? |
| 21 | UH-HUH! THAT ONE. |
| 22 | YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 23 | JUST GIVE ME A SECOND, I'LL BE OUT OF YOUR HAIR. |
| 24 | I'M JUST GOING TO GRAB A JACKET. |
| 25 | WHEN I GET BACK, I WANT EVERY LITTLE DETAIL. |
| 26 | ( knocking ) |
| 27 | MAYBE THAT'S HIM. |
| 28 | OKAY, UM... |
| 29 | OKAY, UM... |
| 30 | IT'S JUST JOEY AND ROSS. |
| 31 | WHY AREN'T YOU GUYS AT THE MOVIE? |
| 32 | WE WERE, BUT ROSS WAS TALKING SO LOUD ON HIS PHONE |
| 33 | THEY THREW US OUT. |
| 34 | I HAD TO TALK LOUD BECAUSE THE MOVIE WAS LOUD. |
| 35 | HE'S TALKING TO LONDON. |
| 36 | OH, MY GOD! |
| 37 | DID HE GET IN TOUCH WITH EMILY? |
| 38 | WELL, NO. NOT YET. |
| 39 | HE'S CALLING EVERYONE ON HER SIDE OF THE FAMILY |
| 40 | HOPING THAT SOMEONE WILL HELP HIM GET IN TOUCH WITH HER. |
| 41 | I DON'T CARE IF I SAID SOME OTHER GIRL'S NAME |
| 42 | YOU PRISSY OLD TWIT! |
| 43 | HEY, ROSS. |
| 44 | WAY TO SUCK UP TO THE FAMILY. |
| 45 | ( chuckling ) |
| 46 | AH... AH... |
| 47 | I'M SO GLAD YOU GUYS ARE ALL HERE. |
| 48 | MY OFFICE FINALLY GOT WRINKLE-FREE FAX PAPER! |
| 49 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 50 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 51 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 52 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 53 | ♪ WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY, YOUR WEEK ♪ |
| 54 | ♪ YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 55 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 56 | ♪ WHEN THE RAIN STARTS TO POUR ♪ |
| 57 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 58 | ♪ LIKE I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE ♪ |
| 59 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 60 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME, TOO. ♪ |
| 61 | NO, NO, NO. HEY. |
| 62 | VOMIT TUX. NO, NO. VOMIT TUX. |
| 63 | DON'T WORRY. I HAD IT DRY-CLEANED. |
| 64 | VOMIT TUX? |
| 65 | WHO VOMITED ON... |
| 66 | YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 67 | WHAT YOU UP TO, JOE? |
| 68 | WELL, THEY'RE DOING THIS TELETHON THING ON TV |
| 69 | AND MY AGENT GOT ME A JOB AS COHOST. |
| 70 | OH, THAT'S GREAT! |
| 71 | A LITTLE GOOD DEED FOR PBS, PLUS SOME TV EXPOSURE. |
| 72 | NOW, THAT'S THE KIND OF MATH JOEY LIKES TO DO. |
| 73 | YUCK! PBS. |
| 74 | WHAT'S WRONG WITH PBS? |
| 75 | WHAT'S RIGHT WITH THEM? |
| 76 | WHY DON'T YOU LIKE PBS, PHEEBS? |
| 77 | OKAY, 'CAUSE RIGHT AFTER MY MOM KILLED HERSELF |
| 78 | I WAS JUST IN THIS REALLY BAD PLACE, YOU KNOW, PERSONALLY. |
| 79 | I JUST THOUGHT THAT IT WOULD MAKE ME FEEL BETTER |
| 80 | IF I WROTE TO SESAME STREET |
| 81 | 'CAUSE THEY WERE SO NICE WHEN I WAS A LITTLE KID. |
| 82 | NO ONE EVER WROTE BACK. |
| 83 | WELL, YOU KNOW A LOT OF THOSE MUPPETS DON'T HAVE THUMBS. |
| 84 | ALL I GOT WAS A LOUSY KEY CHAIN |
| 85 | AND BY THAT TIME, I WAS LIVING IN A BOX. |
| 86 | I DIDN'T HAVE KEYS. |
| 87 | I'M SORRY, PHEEBS. |
| 88 | I JUST, YOU KNOW |
| 89 | I JUST WANTED TO DO A GOOD DEED LIKE... |
| 90 | LIKE YOU DID WITH THE BABIES. |
| 91 | THIS ISN'T A GOOD DEED. |
| 92 | YOU JUST WANT TO GET ON TV. |
| 93 | THIS IS TOTALLY SELFISH. |
| 94 | WHOA, WHOA, WHOA! |
| 95 | WHAT ABOUT YOU HAVING THOSE BABIES FOR YOUR BROTHER? |
| 96 | TALK ABOUT SELFISH. |
| 97 | WHAT... WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? |
| 98 | IT WAS A REALLY NICE THING AND ALL |
| 99 | BUT IT MADE YOU FEEL REALLY GOOD, RIGHT? |
| 100 | YEAH. SO? |
| 101 | WELL, IT MADE YOU FEEL GOOD, SO THAT MAKES IT SELFISH. |
| 102 | LOOK, THERE'S NO UNSELFISH GOOD DEEDS. SORRY. |
| 103 | YES, THERE ARE. |
| 104 | THERE ARE TOTALLY GOOD DEEDS THAT ARE SELFLESS. |
| 105 | WELL, MAY I ASK FOR ONE EXAMPLE? |
| 106 | YEAH, IT'S... YOU KNOW... THERE'S... |
| 107 | NO, YOU MAY NOT. |
| 108 | THAT'S BECAUSE ALL PEOPLE ARE SELFISH. |
| 109 | ARE YOU CALLING ME SELFISH? |
| 110 | ARE YOU CALLING YOU PEOPLE? |
| 111 | YEAH. WELL... |
| 112 | SORRY TO BURST THAT BUBBLE, PHEEBS |
| 113 | BUT SELFLESS GOOD DEEDS DON'T EXIST, OKAY? |
| 114 | AND YOU KNOW THE DEAL ON SANTA CLAUS, RIGHT? |
| 115 | I'M GOING TO FIND A SELFLESS GOOD DEED. |
| 116 | I'M GOING TO BEAT YOU, YOU EVIL GENIUS. |
| 117 | ( phone rings ) |
| 118 | HELLO? |
| 119 | HELLO, ROSS? |
| 120 | EMILY? EM... OH, MY GOD! |
| 121 | OH, MY GOD, IT'S EMILY! |
| 122 | IT'S EMILY, EVERYONE! |
| 123 | SHH! SHH! |
| 124 | HI. |
| 125 | ROSS, I'M ONLY RINGING |
| 126 | TO SAY STOP HARASSING MY RELATIVES. GOOD-BYE. |
| 127 | NO. WAIT, WAIT. LOOK. OKAY, OKAY. |
| 128 | YOU CAN HANG UP, BUT I'M GOING TO KEEP CALLING. |
| 129 | I'M GOING TO CALL EVERYONE IN ENGLAND |
| 130 | IF THAT'S WHAT IT TAKES TO GET YOU TO TALK TO ME. |
| 131 | REALLY? ABOUT WHAT? |
| 132 | LOOK, YOU'RE MY WIFE. |
| 133 | WE'RE... WE'RE MARRIED, YOU KNOW. |
| 134 | I... I LOVE YOU. I... |
| 135 | I really miss you. |
| 136 | I MISS YOU, TOO. |
| 137 | Well, at least I think I do. |
| 138 | SHE'S TALKING. |
| 139 | All ( whispering ): YEA! |
| 140 | HEY, JOEY, WHEN |
| 141 | YOU SAID THE DEAL WITH SANTA CLAUS, YOU MEANT... |
| 142 | THAT HE DOESN'T EXIST. |
| 143 | RIGHT. |
| 144 | SO, CHANDLER, HAVE YOU HEARD |
| 145 | ABOUT MONICA'S SECRET BOYFRIEND? |
| 146 | UH... YEAH. SHE, UH... |
| 147 | SHE, UH... SHE MIGHT HAVE MENTIONED HIM. YEAH. |
| 148 | SO, MON |
| 149 | WHEN ARE WE GOING TO MEET THIS NEW SECRET WAITER MAN? |
| 150 | OH, HE'S REALLY SHY. |
| 151 | I DON'T THINK HE'S UP TO MEETING EVERYONE YET. |
| 152 | YEAH, I DON'T THINK HE'S UP TO MEETING EVERYONE YET. |
| 153 | I DON'T CARE. |
| 154 | I WANT TO MEET THIS GUY WHO'S THE BEST SEX SHE EVER HAD. |
| 155 | REALLY? |
| 156 | THAT'S WHAT YOU HEARD? |
| 157 | YOU SAID THAT? |
| 158 | I MIGHT HAVE SAID THAT. |
| 159 | ( laughing ) |
| 160 | WHY IS THAT FUNNY? |
| 161 | BECAUSE I'M VERY |
| 162 | HAPPY FOR HIM. |
| 163 | AND YOU, YOU LUCKY DOG. |
| 164 | HI. |
| 165 | HEY. HI. |
| 166 | WELL, EMILY'S WILLING TO WORK ON THE RELATIONSHIP. |
| 167 | THAT'S GREAT! |
| 168 | IN LONDON. |
| 169 | WHAT? |
| 170 | SHE WANTS ME TO MOVE TO LONDON. |
| 171 | BUT YOU LIVE HERE. |
| 172 | YOU KNOW THAT. |
| 173 | WHAT... WHAT... WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO? |
| 174 | I BET IF I TALKED TO CAROL AND SUSAN |
| 175 | I COULD CONVINCE THEM TO MOVE TO LONDON WITH BEN. |
| 176 | YEAH. I'M SURE YOUR EX-WIFE WOULD BE MORE THAN HAPPY |
| 177 | TO MOVE TO ANOTHER COUNTRY |
| 178 | SO YOU CAN PATCH THINGS UP WITH YOUR NEW WIFE. |
| 179 | IT COULD HAPPEN. |
| 180 | HOW YOU DOING? |
| 181 | WELCOME. |
| 182 | GOOD TO SEE YOU. |
| 183 | THIS WILL BE YOUR PHONE. |
| 184 | THAT'S GREAT, BUT, UH... |
| 185 | I'M NOT REALLY EXPECTING A LOT OF CALLS. |
| 186 | NO, YOU ANSWER IT AND TAKE PLEDGES. |
| 187 | BUT I'M THE HOST. |
| 188 | NO, GARY COLLINS IS THE HOST. |
| 189 | YOU'LL BE ANSWERING THE PHONE. |
| 190 | YOU DON'T SEEM TO UNDERSTAND. |
| 191 | SEE, I WAS DR. DRAKE RAMORAY. |
| 192 | WELL, HERE'S YOUR PHONE, DOCTOR. |
| 193 | I CANNOT BELIEVE I CAN'T FIND |
| 194 | A SELFLESS GOOD DEED. |
| 195 | YOU KNOW THAT REALLY OLD GUY |
| 196 | THAT LIVES NEXT DOOR TO ME? |
| 197 | WELL, I SNUCK OVER THERE AND RAKED UP ALL THE LEAVES |
| 198 | ON HIS FRONT STOOP, BUT HE CAUGHT ME |
| 199 | AND FORCE-FED ME CIDER AND COOKIES. |
| 200 | THEN I FELT WONDERFUL. |
| 201 | THAT OLD JACKASS. |
| 202 | YOU KNOW, MAYBE JOEY'S RIGHT. |
| 203 | MAYBE ALL GOOD DEEDS ARE SELFISH. |
| 204 | I WILL FIND A SELFLESS GOOD DEED |
| 205 | BECAUSE I JUST GAVE BIRTH TO THREE CHILDREN |
| 206 | AND I WILL NOT LET THEM BE RAISED |
| 207 | IN A WORLD WHERE JOEY IS RIGHT. |
| 208 | HEY, MONICA? |
| 209 | CAN I ASK YOU A COOKING QUESTION? |
| 210 | SURE. |
| 211 | IF YOU'RE COOKING ON THE STOVE |
| 212 | DOES THAT MEAN THAT YOUR NEW SECRET BOYFRIEND |
| 213 | IS BETTER IN BED THAN RICHARD? |
| 214 | CHANDLER! |
| 215 | IS HE? |
| 216 | LOOK, YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 217 | I THINK I'M GOING TO RESPECT THE PRIVACY |
| 218 | OF MY NEW SECRET BOYFRIEND. |
| 219 | WHY? |
| 220 | I MEAN IF THIS GUY WAS ME |
| 221 | AND IT WAS ME WHO WOULD LEARN |
| 222 | THAT IT WAS ME THAT WAS THE BEST YOU'D EVER HAD |
| 223 | I'D BE GOING LIKE THIS. |
| 224 | Ross: ALL RIGHT, EMILY |
| 225 | AS MUCH AS I LOVE YOU |
| 226 | I'M SORRY, I CAN'T MOVE TO LONDON WITHOUT BEN. |
| 227 | I UNDERSTAND THAT WOULD BE DIFFICULT. |
| 228 | WOULD YOU PLEASE CONSIDER MOVING HERE? |
| 229 | I MEAN, YOU WERE GOING TO MOVE HERE ANYWAY. |
| 230 | Why can't you just do that? |
| 231 | OH, I DON'T KNOW. IT'S JUST... |
| 232 | O-OKAY, OKAY, BUT I KNOW |
| 233 | THAT EVEN THOUGH I'VE BEEN A COMPLETE IDIOT UP TILL NOW |
| 234 | Y-YOU HAVE TO COME HERE. |
| 235 | You have to, so we can work this out together. |
| 236 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 237 | A-ALL RIGHT? |
| 238 | DID YOU JUST SAY ALL RIGHT? |
| 239 | I DID. NOW I'M THE IDIOT. |
| 240 | OH, EMILY, THAT IS SO GREAT! |
| 241 | It's going to be so great! |
| 242 | WE'RE GOING TO BE LIKE, LIKE TWO IDIOTS IN LOVE! |
| 243 | ( chuckles ) |
| 244 | ROSS, THERE'S ONE THING THAT REALLY SCARES ME STILL. |
| 245 | YES, TELL ME. |
| 246 | You have to understand |
| 247 | HOW HUMILIATING IT WAS FOR ME UP ON THAT ALTAR |
| 248 | IN FRONT OF MY ENTIRE FAMILY, ALL MY FRIENDS. |
| 249 | I KNOW. I AM... I AM SO SORRY. |
| 250 | AND THEN, AFTER DECIDING TO FORGIVE YOU |
| 251 | SEEING YOU AT THE AIRPORT, CATCHING OUR PLANE WITH HER. |
| 252 | AGAIN, VERY SORRY. |
| 253 | I MEAN, I CAN'T BE IN THE SAME ROOM WITH HER. |
| 254 | IT DRIVES ME MAD JUST THINKING OF YOU |
| 255 | BEING IN THE SAME ROOM AS HER. |
| 256 | EMILY, THERE IS NOTHING BETWEEN RACHEL AND ME. |
| 257 | Okay? I love you. |
| 258 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 259 | I'LL COME TO NEW YORK, AND WE'LL TRY TO MAKE THIS WORK. |
| 260 | AH, THAT IS SO GREAT! THAT'S... |
| 261 | AS LONG AS YOU DON'T SEE RACHEL ANYMORE. |
| 262 | ...SO I ASKED EMILY |
| 263 | IF SHE WOULD COME TO NEW YORK |
| 264 | AND SHE SAID YES. |
| 265 | YES! |
| 266 | NO, NO, NO. |
| 267 | ONLY IF I PROMISED NEVER TO SEE RACHEL AGAIN. |
| 268 | WHAT? YOU CAN'T... |
| 269 | WHAT DID YOU TELL HER? |
| 270 | I TOLD HER I'D HAVE TO THINK ABOUT IT. |
| 271 | I MEAN, HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO MAKE |
| 272 | THIS KIND OF A DECISION? |
| 273 | I'M ACTUALLY ASKING YOU. |
| 274 | WELL, YOU CAN'T JUST NOT SEE RACHEL ANYMORE. |
| 275 | SHE'S ONE OF YOUR BEST FRIENDS. |
| 276 | YEAH, BUT HE |
| 277 | CANNOT NOT SEE EMILY. THAT'S HIS WIFE. |
| 278 | YEAH. RIGHT ON. THAT'S TRUE. |
| 279 | YEAH, BUT |
| 280 | YOU'VE KNOWN RACHEL SINCE HIGH SCHOOL |
| 281 | AND YOU CANNOT JUST CUT HER OUT OF YOUR LIFE. |
| 282 | NO, YOU CANNOT. THAT'S TRUE. |
| 283 | THANKS FOR THE HELP. |
| 284 | PROBLEM SOLVED. |
| 285 | ( phone ringing ) |
| 286 | HELLO. |
| 287 | HEY, MON. |
| 288 | Oh, hey, Joe. |
| 289 | WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO BE ON TV? |
| 290 | SEE, THERE WAS KIND OF A MIX-UP IN MY AGENT'S OFFICE |
| 291 | BUT I'M STILL ON TV AND THAT'S GOOD EXPOSURE. |
| 292 | Monica: YOU'RE NOT ON TV. |
| 293 | UH, OKAY. |
| 294 | HOW... HOW ABOUT NOW? |
| 295 | OH... |
| 296 | YEAH! THERE HE IS! |
| 297 | Hello, New York. |
| 298 | Maybe you just like want to put the whole duck in there. |
| 299 | Who cares? You know? |
| 300 | Now, I got the legs... |
| 301 | OH! OH! |
| 302 | HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU GUYS |
| 303 | TO NEVER WATCH THE COOKING CHANNEL. |
| 304 | HI, CHANDLER. |
| 305 | HEY. |
| 306 | I NEED THAT BROILING PAN |
| 307 | THAT JOEY BORROWED THE OTHER DAY. |
| 308 | OH, THAT WAS YOURS? |
| 309 | MM-HMM. |
| 310 | YEAH, WE USED IT WHEN THE DUCK WAS THROWING UP CATERPILLARS. |
| 311 | WILLIAMS-SONOMA, FALL CATALOG, PAGE 27. |
| 312 | EXPECT IT IN FOUR TO SIX WEEKS. |
| 313 | UM, HEY, UH, JOEY'S GOING TO BE |
| 314 | AT THE TELETHON FOR THE REST OF THE DAY, AND... |
| 315 | WE HAVE THE WHOLE PLACE TO OURSELVES. |
| 316 | YEAH? SO? |
| 317 | WELL, I JUST THOUGHT MAYBE YOU'D WANT TO BOOK SOME TIME |
| 318 | WITH THE BEST YOU'VE EVER HAD. |
| 319 | YOU KNOW WHAT, CHAMP? |
| 320 | I THINK I'LL PASS. |
| 321 | WHY? |
| 322 | WHY? |
| 323 | WHAT'S YOUR POINT? |
| 324 | PBS TELETHON. |
| 325 | HEY, JOEY, I JUST WANTED TO LET YOU KNOW |
| 326 | THAT I FOUND A SELFLESS GOOD DEED. |
| 327 | I WENT DOWN TO THE PARK AND I LET A BEE STING ME. |
| 328 | WHAT? WHAT GOOD IS THAT GOING TO DO ANYBODY? |
| 329 | WELL, IT HELPS THE BEE |
| 330 | LOOK TOUGH IN FRONT OF HIS BEE FRIENDS. |
| 331 | THE BEE IS HAPPY, AND I AM DEFINITELY NOT. |
| 332 | YOU KNOW THE BEE PROBABLY DIED AFTER HE STUNG YOU. |
| 333 | DAMN IT. |
| 334 | BACK ON IN 30 SECONDS, PEOPLE. |
| 335 | HEY, EXCUSE ME. |
| 336 | WOULD YOU MIND SWITCHING WITH ME? I'M JUST... |
| 337 | OH, NO WAY. I'M IN THE SHOT, MAN. |
| 338 | COME ON, MAN, YOU'VE BEEN HERE ALL DAY. |
| 339 | MAN, I'M TAKING PLEDGES HERE, HUH? |
| 340 | AND WE'RE ON |
| 341 | IN THREE, TWO... |
| 342 | WELCOME BACK TO OUR FALL TELETHON. |
| 343 | NOW, IF YOU'VE BEEN ENJOYING |
| 344 | THE PERFORMANCE OF CIRQUE DE SOLEIL |
| 345 | AND YOU'D LIKE TO SEE MORE OF THE SAME KIND OF PROGRAMMING |
| 346 | IT'S VERY SIMPLE. |
| 347 | ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS CALL IN YOUR PLEDGE |
| 348 | AND AT THAT TIME TELL THE OPERATOR-- |
| 349 | ONE OF OUR VOLUNTEERS-- |
| 350 | WHAT TYPE OF PROGRAMMING YOU FEEL... |
| 351 | OKAY, THAT'S IT. |
| 352 | I CANNOT MAKE THIS DECISION. |
| 353 | IT IS TOO DIFFICULT. |
| 354 | I'M JUST GOING TO LEAVE IT |
| 355 | ENTIRELY UP TO THE GODS OF FATE. |
| 356 | ( rattling ) |
| 357 | A MAGIC EIGHT BALL? |
| 358 | YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS. |
| 359 | YOU CAN'T MAKE THIS DECISION WITH A TOY. |
| 360 | OH, IT'S NOT A TOY. |
| 361 | WELL, I DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO. |
| 362 | I MEAN, I EITHER KEEP MY WIFE |
| 363 | AND LOSE ONE OF MY... MY BEST FRIENDS |
| 364 | OR I KEEP MY FRIEND AND GET DIVORCED |
| 365 | FOR THE SECOND TIME BEFORE I'M 30. |
| 366 | SO IF ANYONE ELSE HAS... HAS A BETTER SUGGESTION |
| 367 | LET'S HEAR IT, BECAUSE I-I-I GOT NOTHING. |
| 368 | DON'T BE SHY. |
| 369 | ANY SUGGESTION WILL DO. |
| 370 | OKAY, THEN. |
| 371 | HERE WE GO. |
| 372 | MAGIC EIGHT BALL-- |
| 373 | SHOULD I NEVER SEE RACHEL AGAIN? |
| 374 | "ASK AGAIN LATER." |
| 375 | LATER |
| 376 | IS NOT GOOD ENOUGH. |
| 377 | "ASK AGAIN LATER." |
| 378 | WHAT THE HELL! |
| 379 | THIS IS BROKEN! |
| 380 | THE GAME IS BROKEN! |
| 381 | ALL RIGHT, LET ME SEE. |
| 382 | WILL CHANDLER HAVE SEX TONIGHT? |
| 383 | "DON'T COUNT ON IT." |
| 384 | SEEMS LIKE IT WORKS TO ME. |
| 385 | PBS TELETHON. |
| 386 | HEY, PHEEBS. |
| 387 | I WOULD LIKE TO MAKE A PLEDGE. |
| 388 | I WOULD LIKE TO DONATE $200. |
| 389 | $200? YOU SURE, PHEEBS? |
| 390 | I MEAN, AFTER WHAT SESAME STREET DID TO YOU? |
| 391 | OH, I'M STILL MAD AT THEM |
| 392 | BUT I ALSO KNOW THAT THEY BRING HAPPINESS TO LOTS OF KIDS |
| 393 | WHOSE MOMS DIDN'T KILL THEMSELVES. |
| 394 | YOU KNOW, SO BY SUPPORTING THEM |
| 395 | I'M DOING A GOOD THING, BUT I'M NOT HAPPY ABOUT IT. |
| 396 | SO, THERE, A SELFLESS GOOD DEED. |
| 397 | AND YOU DON'T FEEL A LITTLE GOOD ABOUT DONATING THE MONEY? |
| 398 | NO. IT SUCKS. |
| 399 | I WAS SAVING UP TO BUY A HAMSTER. |
| 400 | A HAMSTER? |
| 401 | THOSE THINGS ARE LIKE TEN BUCKS. |
| 402 | YEAH, NOT THE ONES I HAD MY EYE ON. |
| 403 | It looks like |
| 404 | we have surpassed last year's pledge total. |
| 405 | Thank you, viewers! |
| 406 | And the pledge that did it |
| 407 | was taken by one of our volunteers... Oh, boy |
| 408 | and may I say, one of our sharpest-dressed volunteers-- |
| 409 | Mr. Joseph Tribbiani. |
| 410 | OH, LOOK! |
| 411 | LOOK! JOEY'S ON TV. |
| 412 | ISN'T THAT GREAT? |
| 413 | HEY, MY PLEDGE GOT JOEY ON TV. |
| 414 | OH, THAT MAKES ME FEEL SO... OH, NO! |
| 415 | LOOK, MAYBE I GOT CARRIED AWAY BEFORE |
| 416 | BUT THERE'S SOMETHING YOU GOT TO KNOW. |
| 417 | IF I'M THE BEST |
| 418 | IT'S ONLY BECAUSE YOU MADE ME THE BEST. |
| 419 | KEEP TALKING. |
| 420 | I MEAN, I WAS NOTHING BEFORE YOU. |
| 421 | CALL THE OTHER GIRLS AND ASK. |
| 422 | WHICH WOULDN'T TAKE LONG. |
| 423 | BUT WHEN I'M WITH YOU, AND WE'RE TOGETHER |
| 424 | OH... MY... GOD. |
| 425 | REALLY? |
| 426 | OH... OH... MY... GOD. |
| 427 | WELL, I UNDERSTAND IF YOU NEVER WANT |
| 428 | TO SLEEP WITH ME AGAIN, BUT THAT WOULD BE WRONG. |
| 429 | WE'RE TOO GOOD. |
| 430 | WE OWE IT TO SEX. |
| 431 | WELL, IF WE OWE IT... |
| 432 | OH! |
| 433 | OH, MY! |
| 434 | ( giggling ) |
| 435 | WHEN IS JOEY GOING TO BE HOME? |
| 436 | WELL, I WAS KIND OF HOPING |
| 437 | WE COULD DO THIS WITHOUT HIM. |
| 438 | HMM, YEAH. |
| 439 | OH, NO, NO, NO, NO. |
| 440 | LEAVE THE GLOVES ON. |
| 441 | BUT I JUST CLEANED THE BATHROOM. |
| 442 | YEAH, WHY DON'T WE LOSE THE GLOVES. |
| 443 | YEAH. |
| 444 | OKAY. |
| 445 | OKAY. ALL RIGHT. |
| 446 | LET'S SHOW THEM HOW IT'S DONE. |
| 447 | OKAY. |
| 448 | OW! |
| 449 | YOU KNOW THAT WASN'T PART OF IT? |
| 450 | I KNOW. |
| 451 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 452 | ( knocking ) |
| 453 | HI. YOU READY? |
| 454 | WE'RE GOING TO BE LATE. |
| 455 | FOR WHAT? |
| 456 | FOR STELLA, REMEMBER? |
| 457 | SHE'S GETTING HER GROOVE BACK IN, LIKE, 20 MINUTES. |
| 458 | YEAH, I, UH, TOTALLY FORGOT ABOUT THAT. |
| 459 | DO YOU MIND IF I TAKE A RAIN CHECK? |
| 460 | I'M WAITING FOR A CALL FROM EMILY. |
| 461 | WELL... SURE, I GUESS. |
| 462 | HEY, I HEAR YOU DON'T HAVE TO GO LONDON. YAY. |
| 463 | IT'S NOT THAT EASY. |
| 464 | THERE'S STILL A LOT OF, UH... RELATIONSHIP STUFF. |
| 465 | LIKE WHAT? |
| 466 | JUST STUFF. |
| 467 | YOU KNOW, UH, KIND OF WHAT EMILY WANTS. |
| 468 | WELL, WHY DON'T YOU TALK TO ME ABOUT IT. |
| 469 | MAYBE I CAN HELP. |
| 470 | NO. NO, YOU... YOU CAN'T HELP. |
| 471 | I MEAN... |
| 472 | I KIND OF HAVE TO DO THIS WITHOUT YOUR HELP. |
| 473 | WELL, I... |
| 474 | I KNOW YOU CAN DO THAT, TOO. |
| 475 | I'M JUST SAYING, IF YOU NEED SOMEBODY TO TALK TO... HI. |
| 476 | THANKS. |
| 477 | ROSS? |
| 478 | LOOK, WHATEVER THIS RELATIONSHIP STUFF IS THAT EMILY WANTS |
| 479 | JUST GIVE IT TO HER. |
| 480 | COME ON, THE BOTTOM LINE IS THAT YOU LOVE HER. |
| 481 | SO JUST FIX WHATEVER SHE WANTS FIXED. |
| 482 | JUST DO IT. |
| 483 | ( phone ringing ) |
| 484 | I MEAN, YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO TRY. |
| 485 | ( ringing ) |
| 486 | YOU'LL JUST HATE YOURSELF IF YOU DON'T. |
| 487 | ( ringing ) |
| 488 | OH, COME ON, ANSWER IT. |
| 489 | IT'S DRIVING ME CRAZY. |
| 490 | HELLO. |
| 491 | HI, SWEETIE. |
| 492 | GOOD. |
| 493 | LOOK, UM... |
| 494 | YES. I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT THAT THING YOU... |
| 495 | YOU WANTED ME TO DO, AND, UH... |
| 496 | I CAN DO IT. |
| 497 | SO WILL YOU COME TO NEW YORK? |
| 498 | WHAT? |
| 499 | Captioned by The Caption Center WGBH Educational Foundation] |
| 500 | NEVER DONE THAT BEFORE. |
| 501 | NOPE. |
| 502 | |
| 1 | ( knocking ) |
| 2 | HEY. |
| 3 | MONICA? |
| 4 | WHAT TIME IS IT? |
| 5 | AH, 9:00. |
| 6 | BUT IT'S DARK OUT. |
| 7 | WELL, THAT'S BECAUSE YOU ALWAYS SLEEP TILL NOON, SILLY. |
| 8 | THIS IS WHAT 9:00 LOOKS LIKE. |
| 9 | I GUESS I'LL GET WASHED UP THEN. |
| 10 | WATCH THAT SUN RISE. |
| 11 | I'M REALLY GETTING TIRED OF SNEAKING AROUND ALL THE TIME. |
| 12 | I KNOW. ME TOO. |
| 13 | HEY, WHAT IF WE WENT AWAY FOR THE WHOLE WEEKEND? |
| 14 | YOU KNOW, HAD NO INTERRUPTIONS. |
| 15 | AND WE COULD BE NAKED THE ENTIRE TIME. |
| 16 | ALL WEEKEND? |
| 17 | THAT'S A WHOLE LOT OF NAKED. |
| 18 | YEAH, I COULD SAY THAT I HAVE A CONFERENCE |
| 19 | AND YOU CAN SAY YOU HAVE A CHEF THING. |
| 20 | OH, I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO GO TO THIS CULINARY FAIR |
| 21 | THAT THEY HAVE IN JERSEY. |
| 22 | OKAY, YOU KNOW YOU'RE NOT, THOUGH. |
| 23 | LET'S GO. |
| 24 | WAIT, WHAT ABOUT JOEY? |
| 25 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 26 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 27 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 28 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 29 | ♪ WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY, YOUR WEEK ♪ |
| 30 | ♪ YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 31 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 32 | ♪ WHEN THE RAIN STARTS TO POUR ♪ |
| 33 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 34 | ♪ LIKE I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE ♪ |
| 35 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 36 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME, TOO. ♪ |
| 37 | GUESS WHAT I'M DOING THIS WEEKEND? |
| 38 | THIS CULINARY FAIR IN JERSEY. |
| 39 | HOW WEIRD. |
| 40 | CHANDLER JUST TOLD US HE'S GOT A CONFERENCE THERE. |
| 41 | OH, WELL, THAT'S FUNNY. |
| 42 | SEEMS LIKE CHANDLER'S CONFERENCE |
| 43 | COULD HAVE BEEN IN CONNECTICUT OR VERMONT. |
| 44 | I'M NOT IN CHARGE OF WHERE THE CONFERENCE IS HELD. |
| 45 | DO YOU WANT PEOPLE TO THINK IT'S A FAKE CONFERENCE? |
| 46 | IT'S A REAL CONFERENCE. |
| 47 | HEY. IS RACHEL HERE? I'VE GOT TO TALK TO HER. |
| 48 | NO, SHE'S OUT SHOPPING. |
| 49 | DAMN. |
| 50 | WHAT'S GOING ON? |
| 51 | I TOLD EMILY TO COME |
| 52 | AND I JUST NEED TO, YOU KNOW, TALK TO RACHEL ABOUT IT. |
| 53 | WAIT A MINUTE. |
| 54 | SO, WHEN EMILY COMES |
| 55 | YOU'RE NOT GOING TO SEE RACHEL ANYMORE? |
| 56 | WELL, LOOK. I'M JUST TRYING TO FOCUS |
| 57 | ON THE "I GET TO SEE MY WIFE" PART, ALL RIGHT. |
| 58 | AND NOT THE PART THAT MAKES ME DO THIS. |
| 59 | SO YOU GUYS ARE NEVER GOING |
| 60 | TO BE IN THE SAME ROOM TOGETHER? |
| 61 | HOW IS THAT GOING TO WORK? |
| 62 | I HAVE NO IDEA. |
| 63 | I MEAN, BUT I ASSURE YOU, I WILL FIGURE IT OUT. |
| 64 | DOESN'T SEEM LIKE IT'S GOING TO WORK. |
| 65 | HI, GUYS. |
| 66 | HI. HEY. |
| 67 | WHAT'S GOING ON? |
| 68 | WE'RE FLIPPING MONICA'S MATTRESS. |
| 69 | SO I'M THINKING BASICALLY, WE PICK IT UP AND THEN WE FLIP IT. |
| 70 | THAT'S BETTER THAN MY WAY. |
| 71 | OH, OKAY. HEY, GUYS. WOULD YOU FLIP MINE TOO? |
| 72 | ( all groaning ) |
| 73 | OH, LOOK. A LETTER FROM MY MOM. |
| 74 | SO, RACH... |
| 75 | YOU KNOW HOW EMILY IS COMING, RIGHT? |
| 76 | OH, YEAH. I KNOW. |
| 77 | CAN YOU HEAR ANYTHING? |
| 78 | OH, YES. SOMEBODY JUST SAID, "CAN YOU HEAR ANYTHING?" |
| 79 | HEY, JOEY'S ASS. |
| 80 | WHAT ARE YOU DOING? |
| 81 | WELL, REMEMBER WHEN THEY GOT INTO THAT BIG FIGHT |
| 82 | AND BROKE UP AND WE WERE ALL STUCK IN HERE ALL NIGHT |
| 83 | WITH NO FOOD OR ANYTHING? |
| 84 | WELL, WHEN ROSS SAID RACHEL AT THE WEDDING |
| 85 | I FIGURE IT WAS GOING TO HAPPEN AGAIN, YOU KNOW. |
| 86 | SO I HID THIS IN HERE. |
| 87 | OOH. CANDY BARS, CROSSWORD PUZZLES. |
| 88 | OOH, MAD LIBS, MINE. |
| 89 | CONDOMS? |
| 90 | HEY, YOU DON'T KNOW HOW LONG WE'RE GOING TO BE IN HERE. |
| 91 | WE MAY HAVE TO REPOPULATE THE EARTH. |
| 92 | AND CONDOMS ARE THE WAY TO DO THAT? |
| 93 | ANYWAY, IT ALL BOILS DOWN TO THIS. |
| 94 | THE LAST TIME I TALKED TO EMILY... |
| 95 | OH, MY GOD! OUR DOG DIED. |
| 96 | WHAT? |
| 97 | OH, MY GOD. LAPOOH, OUR DOG. |
| 98 | LAPOOH'S STILL ALIVE? |
| 99 | OH, IT SAYS HE WAS HIT BY AN ICE CREAM TRUCK. |
| 100 | AND DRAGGED FOR NINE... TEEN BLOCKS. |
| 101 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 102 | SWEETIE, WE HEARD YOU CRYING. |
| 103 | PLEASE DON'T CRY. |
| 104 | IT'S LAPOOH. |
| 105 | I KNOW, IT'S LAPOOH RIGHT NOW, BUT IT WILL GET BETTER. |
| 106 | I CAN'T BELIEVE IT. WE'RE HERE. |
| 107 | OOH, CHOCOLATES ON THE PILLOWS. OH, I LOVE THAT. |
| 108 | OH, YOU SHOULD LIVE WITH JOEY. ROLLOS EVERYWHERE. |
| 109 | OKAY, I'LL BE RIGHT BACK. |
| 110 | OH, YES. |
| 111 | GET IN HERE. THERE'S A HIGH-SPEED CAR CHASE ON. |
| 112 | WE'RE SWITCHING ROOMS. |
| 113 | OH, DEAR GOD. THEY GAVE US GLASSES. |
| 114 | NO, THEY GAVE US GLASSES WITH LIPSTICK ON THEM. |
| 115 | I MEAN... IF THEY DIDN'T CHANGE THE GLASSES |
| 116 | WHO KNOWS WHAT ELSE THEY DIDN'T CHANGE. |
| 117 | OH, COME ON, SWEETIE. |
| 118 | I JUST WANT THIS WEEKEND TO BE PERFECT, OKAY. |
| 119 | WE CAN CHANGE ROOMS, CAN'T WE? |
| 120 | OKAY, BUT LET'S DO IT NOW |
| 121 | BECAUSE CHOPPER 5 JUST LOST ITS FEED. |
| 122 | HEY, SO, AH, YOU KNOW HOW THERE WAS SOMETHING |
| 123 | I WANTED TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT? |
| 124 | OH, YEAH. |
| 125 | WELL, YOU KNOW HOW I'M TRYING TO WORK THINGS OUT WITH EMILY? |
| 126 | WELL, THERE'S THIS ONE THING. |
| 127 | OKAY... |
| 128 | HERE GOES. |
| 129 | I MADE A PROMISE THAT... |
| 130 | OH, HEY. |
| 131 | WHAT? |
| 132 | YOUR NOSE IS BLEEDING. OH, GOD. |
| 133 | OH, NOT AGAIN. |
| 134 | THIS HAPPENED WHEN MY GRANDFATHER DIED. |
| 135 | IT'S... |
| 136 | I'M SORRY. |
| 137 | OH, GROSS. |
| 138 | OKAY, SO I'M SORRY. WHAT DID YOU WANT TO TELL ME? |
| 139 | UH... |
| 140 | ( snorts ) |
| 141 | SORRY. |
| 142 | I, UH... |
| 143 | I CAN'T SEE YOU ANYMORE. |
| 144 | I KNOW, IT'S RIDICULOUS. |
| 145 | I CAN'T SEE YOU EITHER. |
| 146 | I THINK YOU'LL FIND THIS ROOM MORE TO YOUR LIKING. |
| 147 | OKAY, GREAT. |
| 148 | THEY SAY HE'S ONLY GOT HALF A TANK LEFT. |
| 149 | HALF A TANK. WE STILL GOT A LOT OF HIGH-SPEED CHASING TO DO. |
| 150 | WE'RE SWITCHING ROOMS AGAIN. |
| 151 | WHAT? WHY? |
| 152 | THIS IS A GARDEN VIEW ROOM AND WE PAID FOR AN OCEAN VIEW ROOM. |
| 153 | OUR LAST OCEAN VIEW ROOM WAS UNACCEPTABLE TO YOU. |
| 154 | EXCUSE ME. |
| 155 | UM, CAN I TALK TO YOU OVER HERE FOR JUST A SECOND? |
| 156 | UH-HUH. |
| 157 | CHANDLER? |
| 158 | YEAH. |
| 159 | OKAY, LOOK. |
| 160 | THESE CLOWNS ARE TRYING TO TAKE US FOR A RIDE |
| 161 | AND I'M NOT GOING TO LET THEM. |
| 162 | NOW, WE'RE NOT A COUPLE OF SUCKERS. |
| 163 | I HEAR YA, MUGSY. |
| 164 | BUT LOOK, ALL THESE ROOMS ARE FINE, OKAY. |
| 165 | CAN YOU JUST PICK ONE SO I CAN WATCH THE... |
| 166 | HAVE A PERFECT MAGICAL WEEKEND TOGETHER WITH YOU? |
| 167 | OKAY, THIS ONE I LIKE. |
| 168 | NOTHING. |
| 169 | NOTHING, IT'S OVER. |
| 170 | DAMN IT. THIS IS REGULARLY SCHEDULED PROGRAMMING. |
| 171 | CAN WE TURN THE TV OFF? |
| 172 | DO WE REALLY WANT TO SPEND THE ENTIRE WEEKEND LIKE THIS? |
| 173 | OH, I'M SORRY. AM I GETTING IN THE WAY |
| 174 | OF ALL THE ROOM-SWITCHING FUN? |
| 175 | DON'T BLAME ME FOR RUINING TONIGHT. |
| 176 | WHO SHOULD I BLAME? |
| 177 | THE NICE BELLMAN WHO DRAGGED OUR LUGGAGE |
| 178 | TO TEN DIFFERENT ROOMS? |
| 179 | HOW ABOUT THE IDIOT |
| 180 | WHO THOUGHT HE COULD DRIVE FROM ALBANY TO CANADA |
| 181 | ON HALF A TANK OF GAS? |
| 182 | DO NOT SPEAK ILL OF THE DEAD. |
| 183 | WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE SPENDING A ROMANTIC WEEKEND TOGETHER. |
| 184 | WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU? |
| 185 | I JUST WANT TO WATCH A LITTLE TELEVISION. |
| 186 | WHAT IS THE BIG DEAL? |
| 187 | GEEZ, RELAX, MOM. |
| 188 | WHAT DID YOU SAY? |
| 189 | I SAID, GEEZ, RELAX, MONNN. |
| 190 | HEY. |
| 191 | WHAT'S UP? |
| 192 | RACHEL, I'VE BEEN WANTING |
| 193 | TO TELL YOU SOMETHING FOR A WHILE NOW |
| 194 | AND I REALLY... I JUST HAVE TO GET IT OUT. |
| 195 | OKAY, ALL RIGHT. WHAT'S UP? |
| 196 | OKAY... |
| 197 | YOU KNOW HOW YOU TOLD ME |
| 198 | I SHOULD DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO FIX MY MARRIAGE? |
| 199 | YEAH. I TOLD YOU TO GIVE EMILY WHATEVER SHE WANTS. |
| 200 | AND WHILE THAT WAS GOOD ADVICE |
| 201 | YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT WHAT SHE WANTS... |
| 202 | YEAH? |
| 203 | IS FOR ME NOT TO SEE YOU ANYMORE. |
| 204 | WELL, THAT'S CRAZY. YOU CAN'T DO THAT. |
| 205 | WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO TELL HER? |
| 206 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 207 | YOU'VE ALREADY AGREED TO THIS, HAVEN'T YOU? |
| 208 | IT'S AWFUL, I KNOW. |
| 209 | I... I MEAN, I FEEL TERRIBLE |
| 210 | BUT I HAVE TO DO THIS IF I WANT MY MARRIAGE TO WORK. |
| 211 | AND I DO. |
| 212 | I HAVE TO MAKE THIS MARRIAGE WORK. |
| 213 | I HAVE TO. |
| 214 | BUT THE GOOD THING IS |
| 215 | WE CAN STILL SEE EACH OTHER UNTIL SHE GETS HERE. |
| 216 | OH! |
| 217 | OH, LUCKY ME! |
| 218 | OH, MY GOD, THAT IS GOOD NEWS, ROSS. |
| 219 | I THINK THAT'S THE BEST NEWS |
| 220 | I'VE HEARD SINCE LAPOOH DIED. |
| 221 | YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT A NIGHTMARE THIS HAS BEEN. |
| 222 | THIS IS SO HARD. |
| 223 | OH, YEAH, REALLY. IS IT, ROSS? |
| 224 | YEAH, OKAY. |
| 225 | WELL, LET ME JUST MAKE THIS A LITTLE EASIER FOR YOU. |
| 226 | WHAT ARE YOU DOING? STORMING OUT. |
| 227 | RACHEL, THIS IS YOUR APARTMENT. |
| 228 | YEAH, WELL, THAT'S HOW MAD I AM. |
| 229 | DAMN ROLLOS! |
| 230 | HEY, YOU'RE BACK. HEY. |
| 231 | HOW WAS YOUR CONFERENCE? |
| 232 | IT WAS TERRIBLE. |
| 233 | I FOUGHT WITH MY COLLEAGUES THE ENTIRE TIME. |
| 234 | ARE YOU KIDDING WITH THIS? |
| 235 | ( candy clatters ) |
| 236 | SO YOUR WEEKEND WAS A TOTAL BUST? |
| 237 | UH, NO. I SAW DONALD TRUMP WAITING FOR AN ELEVATOR. |
| 238 | OH. |
| 239 | HI. |
| 240 | HEY, YOU'RE BACK, TOO. |
| 241 | YEAH. CHANDLER, CAN I TALK TO YOU |
| 242 | FOR JUST A SECOND? |
| 243 | HOW WAS YOUR CHEF THING? |
| 244 | IT WAS AWFUL. |
| 245 | GUESS SOME PEOPLE JUST DON'T APPRECIATE REALLY GOOD FOOD. |
| 246 | WELL, MAYBE IT WAS THE KIND OF FOOD |
| 247 | THAT TASTED GOOD AT FIRST |
| 248 | BUT THEN MADE EVERYBODY VOMIT AND HAVE DIARRHEA. |
| 249 | CHANDLER? |
| 250 | MONICA? |
| 251 | OKAY. I'D LIKE TO KNOW HOW MUCH THE ROOM WAS |
| 252 | 'CAUSE I WANT TO PAY MY HALF. |
| 253 | OKAY, FINE. $300. |
| 254 | $300? |
| 255 | YEAH. JUST THINK OF IT AS $25 PER ROOM. |
| 256 | ( groans ) |
| 257 | WHAT ARE YOU GUYS WOOFING ABOUT? |
| 258 | CHANDLER STOLE A 20 FROM MY PURSE. |
| 259 | NO! |
| 260 | YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 261 | NOW THAT I THINK ABOUT IT |
| 262 | I CONSTANTLY FIND MYSELF WITHOUT 20s |
| 263 | AND YOU ALWAYS HAVE LOTS. |
| 264 | YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN THE LOOK ON HER FACE. |
| 265 | I DON'T WANT RACHEL TO HATE ME. |
| 266 | I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. |
| 267 | DO YOU WANT MY ADVICE? |
| 268 | YES, PLEASE. |
| 269 | YOU WON'T LIKE IT. |
| 270 | THAT'S OKAY. |
| 271 | YOU GOT MARRIED TOO FAST. |
| 272 | THAT'S NOT ADVICE. |
| 273 | I TOLD YOU. |
| 274 | I'M GOING TO THE BATHROOM. |
| 275 | MAN, IF ANYONE ASKED ME TO GIVE UP ANY OF YOU |
| 276 | I DON'T THINK I COULD DO IT. |
| 277 | ME, NEITHER. |
| 278 | MAYBE I COULD DO IT. |
| 279 | HI. HI, RACH. |
| 280 | LOOK, I KNOW YOU GUYS HEARD ABOUT THE WHOLE THING |
| 281 | WITH ME AND ROSS |
| 282 | BUT, YOU KNOW, I'VE BEEN OBSESSING ABOUT IT ALL DAY |
| 283 | AND I WOULD JUST LOVE NOT TO TALK ABOUT IT, ALL RIGHT? |
| 284 | UH, I DON'T KNOW IF THIS FALLS UNDER THAT CATEGORY |
| 285 | BUT, UH, ROSS IS RIGHT BACK THERE. |
| 286 | THAT'S NOT ROSS. |
| 287 | OH, NO. NOT THAT GUY. |
| 288 | HE DOES LOOK LIKE HIM, THOUGH. |
| 289 | OKAY. ROSS IS IN THE BATHROOM. |
| 290 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 291 | IT'S HAPPENING. |
| 292 | IT'S ALREADY STARTED. |
| 293 | I'M KIP. |
| 294 | YOU'RE NOT KIP. |
| 295 | DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHO KIP IS? |
| 296 | WHO CARES? |
| 297 | YOU'RE RACHEL. |
| 298 | WHO'S KIP? |
| 299 | KIP, MY OLD ROOMMATE. |
| 300 | WE ALL USED TO HANG OUT TOGETHER? |
| 301 | OH, THAT POOR BASTARD. |
| 302 | SEE? YOU TOLD ME THE STORY. |
| 303 | HE AND MONICA DATED. |
| 304 | WHEN THEY BROKE UP |
| 305 | THEY COULDN'T EVEN BE IN THE SAME ROOM TOGETHER |
| 306 | AND YOU ALL PROMISED YOU WOULD STAY HIS FRIEND |
| 307 | AND WHAT HAPPENED? |
| 308 | HE GOT PHASED OUT. |
| 309 | YOU'RE NOT GOING TO BE PHASED OUT. |
| 310 | WELL, OF COURSE, I AM. |
| 311 | IT'S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN TO ROSS. |
| 312 | HE'S YOUR BROTHER. |
| 313 | HE'S YOUR OLD COLLEGE ROOMMATE. |
| 314 | IT'S JUST A MATTER OF TIME |
| 315 | BEFORE SOMEONE HAD TO LEAVE THE GROUP. |
| 316 | I ALWAYS ASSUMED IT WOULD BE PHOEBE. |
| 317 | UH! |
| 318 | COME ON. YOU LIVE FAR AWAY, YOU'RE NOT RELATED |
| 319 | YOU LIFT RIGHT OUT. |
| 320 | HEY. |
| 321 | HEY, MR. BING. |
| 322 | THAT HOTEL YOU STAYED AT CALLED. |
| 323 | SAID SOMEONE LEFT AN EYELASH CURLER IN YOUR ROOM. |
| 324 | YES, THAT WAS MINE. |
| 325 | 'CAUSE I FIGURED |
| 326 | YOU HOOKED UP WITH SOME GIRL AND SHE LEFT IT. |
| 327 | YES, THAT WOULD HAVE MADE MORE SENSE. |
| 328 | YOU KNOW, I DON'T EVEN FEEL LIKE I KNOW YOU ANYMORE, MAN. |
| 329 | ALL RIGHT? LOOK |
| 330 | I'M JUST GOING TO ASK YOU THIS ONE TIME, ALL RIGHT? |
| 331 | WHATEVER YOU SAY, I'LL BELIEVE YOU. |
| 332 | WERE YOU OR WERE YOU NOT ON A GAY CRUISE? |
| 333 | PHOEBE? |
| 334 | I'M SORRY ABOUT THE WHOLE LIFTING-OUT THING. |
| 335 | LOOK, YOU GOT TO COME WITH ME. |
| 336 | COME WHERE? |
| 337 | WHEREVER I GO. |
| 338 | COME ON. |
| 339 | YOU AND ME-- WE'LL START A NEW GROUP. |
| 340 | WE'RE THE BEST ONES. |
| 341 | OKAY, BUT TRY TO GET JOEY, TOO. |
| 342 | PHEEBS, DO YOU MIND |
| 343 | IF I SPEAK TO RACHEL ALONE FOR A SEC? |
| 344 | OH, SURE. YEAH. |
| 345 | BYE, ROSS... |
| 346 | ( whispers ): FOREVER. |
| 347 | HI. |
| 348 | HI. WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? |
| 349 | ISN'T THIS AGAINST THE RULES? |
| 350 | I TALKED TO MONICA. |
| 351 | LOOK, I'M THE ONE WHO MADE THE CHOICE. |
| 352 | I'M THE ONE WHO'S MAKING THINGS CHANGE |
| 353 | SO I SHOULD BE THE ONE TO, YOU KNOW, STEP BACK. |
| 354 | OH, ROSS... |
| 355 | NO. NO, IT'S OKAY, REALLY. |
| 356 | THERE ARE PLENTY OF PEOPLE |
| 357 | WHO JUST SEE THEIR SISTERS AT THANKSGIVING |
| 358 | AND JUST SEE THEIR COLLEGE ROOMMATES AT REUNIONS |
| 359 | AND JUST SEE JOEY AT BURGER KING. |
| 360 | SO, IS THAT BETTER? |
| 361 | NO, IT'S NOT BETTER. |
| 362 | I STILL DON'T GET TO SEE YOU. |
| 363 | WELL, WHAT WOULD YOU DO, RACH? |
| 364 | IF YOU WERE ME, WHAT WOULD YOU DO? |
| 365 | WELL, FOR STARTERS |
| 366 | I WOULD HAVE SAID THE RIGHT NAME AT MY WEDDING. |
| 367 | I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS IS HAPPENING. |
| 368 | I KNOW. |
| 369 | I AM SO SORRY. |
| 370 | I KNOW THAT, TOO. |
| 371 | ( clears throat ) |
| 372 | HEY, RACH? |
| 373 | SORRY TO INTERRUPT, BUT PHOEBE SAID |
| 374 | YOU WANT TO TALK TO ME ABOUT A TRIP OR SOMETHING. |
| 375 | HEY. |
| 376 | HI. |
| 377 | I JUST CAME OVER TO DROP OFF... NOTHING. |
| 378 | SO, THAT WEEKEND KIND OF SUCKED, HUH? |
| 379 | YEAH, IT DID. |
| 380 | SO I GUESS THIS IS OVER. |
| 381 | WHAT? |
| 382 | WELL, YOU KNOW, YOU AND ME. |
| 383 | IT HAD TO END SOMETIME. |
| 384 | WHY, EXACTLY? |
| 385 | BECAUSE OF THE WEEKEND. |
| 386 | WE HAD A FIGHT. |
| 387 | CHANDLER, THAT'S CRAZY. |
| 388 | IF YOU GIVE UP EVERY TIME |
| 389 | YOU HAVE A FIGHT WITH SOMEONE |
| 390 | YOU'D NEVER BE WITH ANYONE LONGER THAN... |
| 391 | OH! |
| 392 | SO, THIS ISN'T OVER? |
| 393 | YOU ARE SO CUTE. |
| 394 | NO, NO. |
| 395 | IT WAS A FIGHT. |
| 396 | YOU DEAL WITH IT AND YOU MOVE ON. |
| 397 | IT'S NOTHING TO FREAK OUT ABOUT. |
| 398 | REALLY? OKAY. GREAT. |
| 399 | AW... |
| 400 | WELCOME TO AN ADULT RELATIONSHIP. |
| 401 | WE'RE IN A RELATIONSHIP? |
| 402 | I'M AFRAID SO. |
| 403 | OKAY. |
| 404 | HEY. |
| 405 | HEY. |
| 406 | OH, HEY, MONICA. |
| 407 | I HEARD YOU SAW DONALD TRUMP |
| 408 | AT YOUR CONVENTION. |
| 409 | YEAH. SAW HIM WAITING FOR AN ELEVATOR. |
| 410 | Monica: HEY, RACH, CAN I BORROW |
| 411 | YOUR EYELASH CURLER? I LOST MINE. |
| 412 | IT'S IN THE BATHROOM. |
| 413 | OH! |
| 414 | JOEY, CAN I TALK TO YOU FOR A SECOND? |
| 415 | OOH! OH! |
| 416 | I NEED TO TALK TO YOU RIGHT NOW. |
| 417 | OH! OH! OH! |
| 418 | OH...! |
| 419 | YES. |
| 420 | YES. |
| 421 | YOU AND, AND YOU? |
| 422 | YES, BUT YOU CANNOT TELL ANYONE. |
| 423 | NO ONE KNOWS. |
| 424 | HOW? WHEN? |
| 425 | IT HAPPENED IN LONDON. |
| 426 | IN LONDON! |
| 427 | THE REASON WE DIDN'T TELL ANYONE |
| 428 | WAS 'CAUSE WE DIDN'T WANT TO MAKE A BIG DEAL OUT OF IT. |
| 429 | BUT IT IS A BIG DEAL. |
| 430 | I HAVE TO TELL SOMEONE! |
| 431 | YOU CAN'T. |
| 432 | PLEASE, PLEASE. WE JUST DON'T WANT |
| 433 | TO DEAL WITH TELLING EVERYONE, OKAY? |
| 434 | JUST PROMISE YOU WON'T TELL. |
| 435 | ALL RIGHT! |
| 436 | MAN, THIS IS UNBELIEVABLE. |
| 437 | I MEAN, IT'S GREAT! |
| 438 | BUT... |
| 439 | I KNOW, IT'S GREAT. |
| 440 | I DON'T WANT TO SEE THAT. |
| 441 | WE'RE SO STUPID. |
| 442 | DO YOU KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON IN THERE? |
| 443 | THEY'RE TRYING TO TAKE JOEY. |
| 444 | "THE POPULAR PHOEBE IN TENNIS IS THE 'OVERHAND PHOEBE' |
| 445 | "AND IF YOU WIN, YOU MUST SLAP |
| 446 | YOUR OPPONENT ON THE PHOEBE AND SAY, 'MY PHOEBE.'" |
| 447 | THAT'S CUTE. |
| 448 | WE REALLY ALL ENJOYED IT, BUT YOU KNOW IT DOESN'T COUNT. |
| 449 | COUNT FOR WHAT? |
| 450 | JUST COUNT IN OUR HEADS AS GOOD MAD LIBS. |
| 451 | I'M DONE. IT'S OVER. |
| 452 | NO, WAIT. WAIT, GUYS, IF WE FOLLOW THE RULES |
| 453 | IT'S STILL FUN AND IT MEANS SOMETHING. |
| 454 | I'M GOING TO TAKE OFF. |
| 455 | GUYS, RULES ARE GOOD. |
| 456 | RULES HELP CONTROL THE FUN. |
| 457 | [Captioned by The Caption Center WGBH Educational Foundation] |
| 458 | |
| 1 | HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY. |
| 2 | NONE OF THAT, NOT WHILE YOU'RE LIVING UNDER MY ROOF. |
| 3 | WHAT? |
| 4 | LOOK, JUST BECAUSE I KNOW ABOUT YOU TWO |
| 5 | DOESN'T MEAN I LIKE LOOKING AT IT. |
| 6 | AREN'T YOU SUPPOSED TO BE AT AN AUDITION FOR ANOTHER HOUR? |
| 7 | WELL, I'M SORRY IF I'M NOT A MIDDLE-AGED, BLACK WOMAN. |
| 8 | AND I'M ALSO SORRY |
| 9 | IF SOMETIMES I GO TO THE WRONG AUDITION. |
| 10 | OKAY, LOOK, IF I HAVE TO PRETEND I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU TWO |
| 11 | THEN YOU TWO ARE GOING TO HAVE TO PRETEND |
| 12 | THERE'S NOTHING TO KNOW ABOUT. |
| 13 | OKAY. SORRY. OKAY. |
| 14 | SORRY. |
| 15 | ( soft moaning ) |
| 16 | I CAN HEAR THAT! |
| 17 | RACHEL'S AT WORK. |
| 18 | I CAN STILL HEAR YOU! |
| 19 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 20 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 21 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 22 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 23 | ♪ WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY, YOUR WEEK ♪ |
| 24 | ♪ YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 25 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 26 | ♪ WHEN THE RAIN STARTS TO POUR ♪ |
| 27 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 28 | ♪ LIKE I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE ♪ |
| 29 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 30 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME, TOO. ♪ |
| 31 | HEY. |
| 32 | HELLO. HEY. |
| 33 | HEY. WHAT'S THAT? |
| 34 | MY MOM SENT ME A FAMILY HEIRLOOM |
| 35 | THAT ONCE BELONGED TO MY GRANDMOTHER. |
| 36 | CAN YOU BELIEVE IT? |
| 37 | A YEAR AGO, I DIDN'T EVEN HAVE A FAMILY |
| 38 | AND NOW I HAVE HEIRLOOMS, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD. |
| 39 | ( grunting ) |
| 40 | HEE-HEE. |
| 41 | OH! GOD! |
| 42 | AH! |
| 43 | OOH, SOFT. |
| 44 | IS THIS MINK? YEAH. |
| 45 | WHY WOULD MY MOTHER SEND ME A FUR? |
| 46 | DOESN'T SHE KNOW ME, BUT AT ALL?! |
| 47 | PLUS, I HAVE A PERFECTLY FINE COAT |
| 48 | THAT NO INNOCENT ANIMAL SUFFERED TO MAKE. |
| 49 | YEAH, JUST SOME 9-YEAR-OLD FILIPINO KIDS |
| 50 | WHO WORKED THEIR FINGERS BLOODY FOR 12 CENTS AN HOUR. |
| 51 | THAT DIDN'T HAPPEN. |
| 52 | I MADE THAT UP. |
| 53 | HEY. |
| 54 | ROSS. |
| 55 | ROSS... |
| 56 | YOU CAN'T PUT UP FLIERS IN HERE. |
| 57 | HOW COME? EVERYBODY ELSE DOES. |
| 58 | YOU CAN'T. |
| 59 | WHAT IS THAT? |
| 60 | OH, UH... |
| 61 | I'M JUST GETTING RID OF A COUPLE OF THINGS. |
| 62 | THIS IS ALL OF YOUR THINGS. |
| 63 | YES. YES, IT IS. |
| 64 | NO, BUT IT'S GOOD. |
| 65 | SEE, EMILY THINKS WE SHOULD GET ALL NEW STUFF. |
| 66 | STUFF THAT'S JUST OURS, TOGETHER. |
| 67 | YOU KNOW, BRAND-NEW. |
| 68 | BASICALLY, THIS IS |
| 69 | A GETTING-RID-OF-ANYTHING- RACHEL-EVER-TOUCHED SALE. |
| 70 | TOUCHED, USED, SAT ON, SLEPT ON... |
| 71 | I'LL TAKE IT ALL. |
| 72 | HEY, ROSS, YOU'RE OKAY WITH THAT? |
| 73 | LOOK, IF I CAN JUST DO WHAT EMILY WANTS |
| 74 | AND GET HER TO NEW YORK, I'M SURE EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE. |
| 75 | BUT DON'T YOU THINK THAT'S A LITTLE EXTREME? |
| 76 | AFTER WHAT I DID, CAN YOU BLAME HER? |
| 77 | YOU GOT OFF EASY. WHEN MY FRIEND, SILVIE'S HUSBAND |
| 78 | SAID SOMEONE ELSE'S NAME IN BED |
| 79 | SHE CURSED HIM AND TURNED HIS THINGIE GREEN. |
| 80 | WHAT IS HE DOING? |
| 81 | EMILY THINKS ROSS'S FURNITURE'S GOT "RACHEL COOTIES"? |
| 82 | ALL RIGHT, CALM DOWN, JOEY. |
| 83 | NO. EVERYTHING'S GETTING ALL MESSED UP, YOU KNOW? |
| 84 | EMILY WON'T LET ROSS SEE RACHEL. |
| 85 | WE'RE NOT GOING TO STOP SEEING RACHEL. |
| 86 | HENCE, ROSS STOPS SEEING US. |
| 87 | OH, I HATE THIS. |
| 88 | EVERYTHING'S CHANGING. |
| 89 | YEAH, I KNOW, WE'RE LOSING ROSS. |
| 90 | JOEY SAID "HENCE." |
| 91 | LOOK, I'M NOT HAPPY ABOUT THIS, EITHER |
| 92 | BUT, YOU KNOW, IF ROSS SAYS HE'S HAPPY |
| 93 | THEN WE'LL JUST HAVE TO KEEP OUR FEELINGS |
| 94 | ABOUT EMILY TO OURSELVES. |
| 95 | ARE YOU COOL WITH THAT? |
| 96 | NO. |
| 97 | BUT, YOU KNOW, I'M AN ACTOR. |
| 98 | I'LL ACT COOL. |
| 99 | OOH... |
| 100 | OH, GOD! STORAGE ROOMS GIVE ME THE CREEPS. |
| 101 | MONICA, COME ON, PLEASE, HURRY UP. HONEY, PLEASE. |
| 102 | IF YOU WANT THE LITTLE, ROUND WAFFLES YOU'VE GOT TO WAIT |
| 103 | TILL I FIND THE LITTLE ROUND WAFFLE IRON. |
| 104 | I WANT THE LITTLE, ROUND WAFFLES. |
| 105 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 106 | OH, HERE IT IS. |
| 107 | RIGHT UNDERNEATH A CAN OF BUG BOMB. |
| 108 | I WONDER IF THE BEST PLACE TO PUT SOMETHING THAT COOKS FOOD |
| 109 | IS UNDERNEATH THE CAN OF POISON? |
| 110 | YOU KNOW WHAT? I'LL HAVE TOAST. |
| 111 | ( both screaming ) |
| 112 | OH, MY GOD! |
| 113 | AH! |
| 114 | FOG HIM! FOG HIM! |
| 115 | ( screaming ) |
| 116 | FOG HIM! |
| 117 | ( coughing ) |
| 118 | I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M GOING TO DO ABOUT THIS COAT. |
| 119 | I'LL TAKE IT. |
| 120 | THAT MIGHT WORK. |
| 121 | OOH, YEAH. |
| 122 | HUH? ALL RIGHT, WHAT DO YOU THINK? |
| 123 | YOU'RE ON IN FIVE, MS. MINNELLI. |
| 124 | NO, NO, NO. IT'S JUST A BIT SUDDEN. |
| 125 | NO, IT'S GREAT, OKAY? |
| 126 | I AM TOTALLY ON BOARD. |
| 127 | I LOVE YOU, TOO. |
| 128 | ALL RIGHT, BYE. |
| 129 | WHAT'S THE MATTER, ROSS? |
| 130 | NOTHING. NO, NO, UH, ACTUALLY... GREAT NEWS. |
| 131 | I JUST GOT OFF THE PHONE WITH EMILY |
| 132 | AND LOOKS LIKE I'M MOVING TO A NEW APARTMENT. |
| 133 | WHOO-HOO! |
| 134 | WHY? |
| 135 | WELL, HER THOUGHT IS, AND I AGREE |
| 136 | FRESH, NEW FURNITURE, WHY NOT A FRESH, NEW APARTMENT? |
| 137 | HER COUSIN HAS THIS GREAT PLACE TO SUBLET. |
| 138 | IT'S GOT A VIEW OF THE RIVER ON ONE SIDE |
| 139 | AND COLUMBIA ON THE OTHER. |
| 140 | THAT'S WAY UPTOWN. |
| 141 | THAT'S LIKE THREE TRAINS AWAY... |
| 142 | WHICH IS GREAT. |
| 143 | I LOVE TO RIDE THAT RAIL. |
| 144 | SO YOU'RE REALLY OKAY WITH THIS? |
| 145 | YES. YES. I MEAN, IT'S KIND OF FAR FROM WORK |
| 146 | BUT, UH, YOU KNOW, I'LL GET SO MUCH DONE ON THE COMMUTE. |
| 147 | I'VE BEEN GIVEN THE GIFT OF TIME. |
| 148 | YOU KNOW, THAT'S SO FUNNY 'CAUSE LAST CHRISTMAS, I GOT THE GIFT OF SPACE. |
| 149 | WE SHOULD GET THEM TOGETHER AND MAKE A CONTINUUM. |
| 150 | NOW HE'S MOVING? |
| 151 | MAN, WHAT IS EMILY DOING TO HIM? |
| 152 | OW! |
| 153 | HE'S NOT EVEN HERE! |
| 154 | YOU GUYS! YOU GUYS! |
| 155 | WE WERE JUST IN THE STORAGE AREA |
| 156 | AND WE SAW THIS REALLY CREEPY MAN. |
| 157 | IT WAS LIKE THIS CRAZY-EYED, HAIRY BEAST-MAN. |
| 158 | HE WAS LIKE A... LIKE A BIGFOOT |
| 159 | OR A YETI OR SOMETHING. |
| 160 | AND HE CAME AT US |
| 161 | WITH AN AX, SO RACHEL |
| 162 | HAD TO USE A BUG BOMB ON HIM. |
| 163 | YEAH, I PULLED THE TAB |
| 164 | AND I JUST FOGGED HIS YETI ASS. |
| 165 | UH, LIKE DARK HAIR, BUSHY BEARD? |
| 166 | YEAH. YEAH, YOU FOGGED DANNY. |
| 167 | OH, PLEASE. WE DID NOT FOG DANNY. |
| 168 | WHO'S DANNY? |
| 169 | DANNY JUST MOVED IN DOWNSTAIRS. |
| 170 | YEAH, HE JUST GOT BACK |
| 171 | FROM THIS FOUR-MONTH TREK IN THE ANDES. |
| 172 | NICE FELLA. |
| 173 | OH, HE'S NICE. HE'S NICE. |
| 174 | YOU KNOW, YOU ALWAYS... |
| 175 | STICK UP FOR THE PEOPLE WE FOG. |
| 176 | YEAH. HI. |
| 177 | YOU MIGHT NOT REMEMBER US |
| 178 | BUT WE ARE THE GIRLS THAT FOGGED YOU. |
| 179 | YEAH. WE'RE... WE'RE |
| 180 | REALLY SORRY WE FOGGED YOU. |
| 181 | YEAH. |
| 182 | OKAY. |
| 183 | HMM. |
| 184 | HI. UH, JUST SO YOU KNOW |
| 185 | WE... WE DIDN'T MEAN TO FOG YOU. |
| 186 | WE ACTUALLY THOUGHT YOU WERE, LIKE, A YETI OR SOMETHING. |
| 187 | OKAY. |
| 188 | YES? |
| 189 | HI. UH, SORRY TO BOTHER YOU |
| 190 | BUT I DON'T THINK THAT WE CAN ACCEPT |
| 191 | YOUR ACCEPTANCE OF OUR APOLOGY. |
| 192 | IT JUST DOESN'T REALLY SEEM LIKE YOU MEAN IT. YEAH. |
| 193 | OKAY. |
| 194 | WOW. THAT GUY IS SO RUDE. |
| 195 | REALLY. WHAT IS WITH THAT GUY? |
| 196 | I MEAN, YOU'D FORGIVE ME IF I FOGGED YOU. |
| 197 | WELL, YOU DID A LITTLE BIT. |
| 198 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 199 | HONEY, I'M SO SORRY. |
| 200 | I TOTALLY FORGIVE YOU. |
| 201 | REALLY? YEAH. |
| 202 | OH... |
| 203 | HEY. HEY. |
| 204 | SO, LISTEN, YOU KNOW MY FRIEND CHRIS |
| 205 | WHO OWNS THE CREMATORIUM? |
| 206 | CREMATORIUM CHRIS? SURE. |
| 207 | WELL, HE SAID THAT HE |
| 208 | WOULD CREMATE MY FUR COAT FOR FREE |
| 209 | IF I, UM, YOU KNOW, BRING IN |
| 210 | THE NEXT PERSON I KNOW WHO DIES. |
| 211 | REALLY? |
| 212 | ( gasping ) |
| 213 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 214 | OH, MY GOD, LOOK AT THESE PELTS. |
| 215 | DON'T GET TOO ATTACHED. SHE'S HAVING IT CREMATED. |
| 216 | WHAT? |
| 217 | PH-PHOEBE? HONEY? |
| 218 | HONEY, I KNOW YOU'RE QUIRKY AND I GET A BIG KICK OUT OF IT. |
| 219 | WE ALL DO, ACTUALLY. |
| 220 | BUT IF YOU DESTROY A COAT LIKE THIS-- |
| 221 | I MEAN, THAT IS LIKE A CRIME AGAINST NATURE. |
| 222 | NO, NOT NATURE. FASHION. |
| 223 | THIS IS FASHION? |
| 224 | OKAY, SO TO YOU, DEATH IS FASHION. |
| 225 | THAT'S REALLY FUNNY. |
| 226 | YEAH. HERE'S... HERE'S PHOEBE |
| 227 | UH, SPORTING, YOU KNOW, A CUTTING-EDGE, HAIRY CARCASS |
| 228 | FROM, YOU KNOW, THE STEEL TRAPS OF WINTRY RUSSIA. |
| 229 | I MEAN, YOU REALLY THINK THIS LOOKS GOOD? |
| 230 | 'CAUSE I DO. |
| 231 | YEAH. UH-HUH. |
| 232 | I KNOW. I MISS YOU, TOO. |
| 233 | I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE YOU. |
| 234 | I LOVE YOU. BYE. |
| 235 | OKAY, WHAT IS IN HERE, ROCKS? |
| 236 | OH, NO. THIS IS MY COLLECTION OF, UH, FOSSIL SAMPLES. |
| 237 | SO ROCKS. |
| 238 | I'M REALLY GOING TO MISS THIS APARTMENT. |
| 239 | YOU KNOW, BEN... BEN TOOK HIS FIRST STEPS |
| 240 | RIGHT OVER THERE. |
| 241 | HMM. |
| 242 | HEY, REMEMBER WHEN I RAN INTO THIS THING |
| 243 | AND IT KIND OF KNOCKED ME OUT A LITTLE, HUH? |
| 244 | I LOVE THIS PLACE. |
| 245 | TELL YOU THE TRUTH, I WISH I DIDN'T HAVE TO MOVE. |
| 246 | UH, ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU'RE |
| 247 | NOT ENTIRELY HAPPY ABOUT THIS? |
| 248 | WELL, I MEAN, IF, UH... |
| 249 | IF EMILY GAVE ME A CHOICE... |
| 250 | YOU DO HAVE A CHOICE. |
| 251 | ROSS, WHY ARE YOU LISTENING TO HER? |
| 252 | ARE YOU CRAZY? WHAT? |
| 253 | WELL, IT'S NOT RIGHT, WHAT EMILY WANTS YOU TO DO. |
| 254 | SHE IS TOTALLY... OW! |
| 255 | STOP PINCHING ME. |
| 256 | LOOK, NOW, YOU GUYS SAID I ONLY HAVE TO KEEP MY MOUTH SHUT |
| 257 | AS LONG AS ROSS WAS HAPPY, RIGHT? |
| 258 | WELL, HE JUST TOLD ME |
| 259 | THAT HE'S NOT ENTIRELY HAPPY. |
| 260 | WHAT'S GOING ON? |
| 261 | WE ALL HATE EMILY. |
| 262 | NO. |
| 263 | NO. ROSS, WE DO NOT HATE EMILY. |
| 264 | WE JUST... WE JUST THINK |
| 265 | THAT YOU'RE HAVING TO SACRIFICE A WHOLE LOT TO MAKE HER HAPPY. |
| 266 | YEAH. |
| 267 | WE JUST THINK THAT MAYBE SHE'S BEING |
| 268 | A LITTLE... UNREASONABLE. |
| 269 | YES. YES. UNREASONABLE. |
| 270 | UNREASONABLE? |
| 271 | HOW ABOUT WE HAVE THIS CONVERSATION |
| 272 | WHEN ONE OF YOU GUYS GETS MARRIED? |
| 273 | YOU HAVE NO IDEA |
| 274 | WHAT IT TAKES TO MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK. |
| 275 | IT'S ABOUT COMPROMISE. |
| 276 | DO YOU ALWAYS LIKE IT? NO. DO YOU DO IT? YES. |
| 277 | BECAUSE IT'S NOT ALL LAUGHING, HAPPY, CANDY-IN-THE-SKY |
| 278 | DRINKING-COFFEE-AT-CENTRAL-PERK ALL THE TIME. |
| 279 | IT'S REAL LIFE, OKAY? |
| 280 | IT'S WHAT GROWNUPS DO. |
| 281 | I THINK HE'S RIGHT. |
| 282 | YOU GUYS HANG OUT AT THE COFFEEHOUSE WAY TOO MUCH. |
| 283 | GOD, I FEEL SO GUILTY ABOUT ROSS. |
| 284 | I KNOW. |
| 285 | I KIND OF FEEL LIKE IT'S MY FAULT. |
| 286 | KIND OF? |
| 287 | IF YOU HAD JUST KEPT THIS TO YOURSELF, NONE OF THIS WOULD HAVE HAPPENED. |
| 288 | WELL, I'M KEEPING SO MANY THINGS TO MYSELF THESE DAYS |
| 289 | SOMETHING WAS BOUND TO SLIP OUT. |
| 290 | WELL, I THINK IT'S VERY BRAVE WHAT YOU SAID. |
| 291 | OH, YEAH. |
| 292 | ALL RIGHT. I CAN'T SIT HERE ANYMORE. |
| 293 | I HAVE TO WALK PLACES. |
| 294 | PHEEBS, WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THE COAT? |
| 295 | HOW ABOUT THE WHOLE ANIMAL RIGHTS THING? |
| 296 | WELL, I'VE BEEN READING UP, AND FOR YOUR INFORMATION |
| 297 | MINKS ARE NOT VERY NICE. |
| 298 | OKAY, I ADMIT IT, I LOVE THIS COAT, OKAY. |
| 299 | IT'S THE BEST THING I'VE EVER HAD WRAPPED AROUND ME |
| 300 | INCLUDING PHIL HUNTLEY. |
| 301 | REMEMBER PHIL HUNTLEY? HE WAS FINE. |
| 302 | HI. |
| 303 | SO, YOU LIKE THE SHORT HAIR BETTER? |
| 304 | WHAT? |
| 305 | YETI... DANNY?! |
| 306 | HAD TO CUT MY HAIR TO GET RID OF THE, UH... FOGGER SMELL. |
| 307 | OH. |
| 308 | LISTEN, OH, I'M SO SORRY. |
| 309 | I WOULD-I WOULD HAVE NEVER FOGGED YOU |
| 310 | YOU KNOW, IF YOU HADN'T LOOKED SO, YOU KNOW, UH... |
| 311 | ABSOLUTELY. |
| 312 | SOME PEOPLE ARE JUST INTO APPEARANCES. |
| 313 | WHAT? |
| 314 | THAT'S COOL. THAT'S COOL. |
| 315 | WHOA! WHOA! NO! |
| 316 | NO, THAT IS NOT COOL. |
| 317 | YOU-YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW ME. |
| 318 | COME ON. YOU'VE GOT THE SHOPPING BAGS |
| 319 | AND THE SAKS CATALOGUE. |
| 320 | SO, UH, FROM THAT, YOU THINK |
| 321 | YOU'VE GOT ME ALL FIGURED OUT?! |
| 322 | WELL, YOU DON'T. |
| 323 | YOU KNOW, I COULD HAVE TOYS FOR UNDERPRIVILEGED KIDS IN HERE. |
| 324 | DO YOU? |
| 325 | WELL, YOU KNOW, IF KIDS LIKE TO PLAY WITH CAPRI PANTS. |
| 326 | OKAY. |
| 327 | AND STOP SAYING THAT. |
| 328 | I HATE THAT. |
| 329 | OKAY. |
| 330 | FINE. I JUDGED YOU. |
| 331 | I MADE A SNAP JUDGMENT, BUT YOU DID IT, TOO |
| 332 | AND YOU'RE WORSE, BECAUSE YOU ARE STICKING TO YOUR STUPID SNAP JUDGMENT. |
| 333 | YOU CAN'T EVEN OPEN UP YOUR MIND FOR A SECOND |
| 334 | TO SEE THAT YOU MIGHT BE WRONG. |
| 335 | WHAT DOES THAT SAY ABOUT YOU? |
| 336 | THAT PIZZA PLACE ACROSS THE STREET ANY GOOD? |
| 337 | WHAT? |
| 338 | I'M HUNGRY. WANT TO GET SOME PIZZA? |
| 339 | YOU CAN KEEP YELLING IF THERE'S MORE. |
| 340 | OKAY. |
| 341 | OKAY. |
| 342 | STOP SAYING THAT. |
| 343 | I HATE THAT. |
| 344 | UH, ROSS... |
| 345 | ARE YOU STILL MAD AT US? YUP. |
| 346 | OH, GOOD, 'CAUSE WE HAVE AN "I'M SORRY" SONG. |
| 347 | YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M REALLY NOT IN THE MOOD. |
| 348 | LOOK, ROSS, I FEEL REALLY BAD. |
| 349 | I MEAN, YOU'RE GOING THROUGH ALL THIS STUFF |
| 350 | AND... I JUST ACTED LIKE A JERK. |
| 351 | YEAH, WE ARE SO SORRY. |
| 352 | YOU'RE KIND OF STEPPING ON THE SONG. |
| 353 | LOOK... WE WERE WAY OUT OF LINE, ALL RIGHT? |
| 354 | WE TOTALLY SUPPORT YOU. |
| 355 | WHATEVER YOU DECIDE, WHATEVER YOU DO. |
| 356 | OKAY, NOW YOU'RE JUST TAKING LINES RIGHT OUT OF THE SONG. |
| 357 | LOOK, THIS IS HARD ENOUGH, OKAY. |
| 358 | I REALLY NEED YOU GUYS RIGHT NOW. |
| 359 | YES. EXACTLY. |
| 360 | AND THAT'S WHY... |
| 361 | ( strums two notes ) |
| 362 | WHY DON'T YOU COME OVER TONIGHT |
| 363 | AND I'LL MAKE YOU YOUR FAVORITE DINNER? |
| 364 | COME ON. |
| 365 | OKAY. |
| 366 | THANKS, YOU GUYS. |
| 367 | PHEEBS, ARE YOU WEARING FUR? |
| 368 | OKAY, LET'S GET SOME PERSPECTIVE, PEOPLE. |
| 369 | IT'S NOT LIKE I'M WEARING A SEEING-EYE DOG COAT. |
| 370 | HEY, YOU KNOW, ROSS |
| 371 | I, UH... I THINK I KIND OF UNDERSTAND |
| 372 | WHY I KIND OF LOST IT TODAY. |
| 373 | YOU DO, HUH? |
| 374 | YEAH, YOU SEE, I'M AN ACTOR, RIGHT? |
| 375 | SO I GOT TO KEEP MY EMOTIONS RIGHT AT THE SURFACE, YOU KNOW? |
| 376 | I GOT A LOT OF BALLS IN THE AIR, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? |
| 377 | IT'S TOUGH. GUYS LIKE ME, YOU KNOW, YOU WANDER AROUND-- |
| 378 | YOU'RE ALONE. |
| 379 | WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? |
| 380 | I'M NOT SURE. |
| 381 | HI. |
| 382 | HEY, LOOK AT YOU. WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? |
| 383 | OH, I WENT TO HAVE PIZZA WITH DANNY. |
| 384 | HOW DID THAT HAPPEN? THAT YETI IS ONE SMOOTH TALKER. |
| 385 | I HOPE YOU'RE NOT TOO FULL, 'CAUSE DINNER'S ALMOST READY. |
| 386 | YEAH, YOU KNOW, I THINK |
| 387 | I'M PROBABLY JUST GOING TO HANG OUT IN ROOM. |
| 388 | OH, NO. WHY? |
| 389 | COME ON, YOU GUYS. |
| 390 | IF EMILY KNEW I WAS HERE HAVING DINNER WITH YOU |
| 391 | SHE WOULD FLIP OUT AND YOU KNOW IT. |
| 392 | IT'S OKAY. I REALLY... I DON'T MIND. |
| 393 | WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. |
| 394 | YOU KNOW WHAT? JUST STAY. |
| 395 | PLEASE. IT WOULD REALLY MEAN A LOT FOR ME IF YOU STAY. |
| 396 | ROSS, I JUST... |
| 397 | RACHEL, PLEASE. JUST HAVE DINNER WITH US. |
| 398 | OKAY, OKAY, JOEY, IT'S OKAY. SETTLE DOWN. |
| 399 | ALL RIGHT. I'M SORRY. |
| 400 | I'M SORRY. |
| 401 | YOU SEE, RACH, I'M AN ACTOR. |
| 402 | HEY! |
| 403 | HEY, LOOK, THE UGLY NAKED GUY'S BACK. |
| 404 | OH, MY GOD! |
| 405 | WE HAVEN'T SEEN HIM IN SO LONG. |
| 406 | OH, GOD, I REALLY MISSED THAT FAT BASTARD. |
| 407 | WOW. THIS IS SO WEIRD. |
| 408 | I JUST REALIZED THIS MAY BE THE LAST TIME |
| 409 | WE'RE ALL HANGING OUT TOGETHER. |
| 410 | IT'S ALMOST AS IF HE KNEW. |
| 411 | ( phone ringing ) |
| 412 | I'LL GET IT. |
| 413 | HELLO. |
| 414 | HI, EMILY. |
| 415 | YEAH, YOU TRACKED HIM DOWN. HOLD ON ONE SECOND. |
| 416 | HEY. |
| 417 | YEAH, YEAH, WE'RE, UH... |
| 418 | WE'RE JUST HAVING DINNER. |
| 419 | UH, YEAH, SURE. HOLD ON. |
| 420 | SHE WANTS TO SAY HI. |
| 421 | HOLD ON. |
| 422 | All: HI, EMILY. |
| 423 | HELLO, EVERYONE. |
| 424 | SO, WHO AM I SAYING HELLO TO? |
| 425 | WELL, UH... |
| 426 | I DON'T KNOW ABOUT WHO'S HERE |
| 427 | BUT I CAN TELL YOU FOR DAMN SURE |
| 428 | WHO'S NOT HERE, AND THAT'S RACHEL. |
| 429 | Well, I should hope not. |
| 430 | Ross knows better than that by now. |
| 431 | YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 432 | RACHEL IS HERE. |
| 433 | She's there? |
| 434 | OH, YEAH, THERE SHE IS. |
| 435 | YEAH, YEAH, SHE'S HERE. |
| 436 | ROSS, TAKE ME OFF SPEAKER PHONE. |
| 437 | HI. |
| 438 | HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME? |
| 439 | I THOUGHT I'D MADE MY FEELINGS ABOUT RACHEL PERFECTLY CLEAR. |
| 440 | LOOK, EMILY, I'M JUST HAVING DINNER WITH MY FRIENDS, OKAY? |
| 441 | YOU OBVIOUSLY CAN'T KEEP AWAY FROM HER. |
| 442 | Emily, that's ridiculous. |
| 443 | LOOK, I'M MOVING FOR YOU. |
| 444 | I'M CUTTING FRIENDS OUT OF MY LIFE FOR YOU. |
| 445 | PLEASE, JUST GET ON THE PLANE AND COME TO NEW YORK, OKAY? YOU'LL SEE. |
| 446 | You're the only person I want to be with. |
| 447 | I'LL FEEL BETTER WHEN I'M THERE |
| 448 | AND I CAN KNOW WHERE YOU ARE ALL THE TIME. |
| 449 | WELL, YOU... |
| 450 | YOU CAN'T KNOW WHERE I AM ALL THE TIME. |
| 451 | LOOK, THIS MARRIAGE IS NEVER GOING TO WORK |
| 452 | IF YOU DON'T TRUST ME. |
| 453 | YOU'RE RIGHT. |
| 454 | SO... CAN YOU TRUST ME? |
| 455 | NO. |
| 456 | I THINK IT'S GOING OKAY. |
| 457 | YEAH, LOOKS LIKE HE'S SMILING. |
| 458 | HOW CAN YOU TELL? |
| 459 | YOU CAN ONLY SEE THE BACK OF HIS HEAD. |
| 460 | YOU CAN TOTALLY TELL. |
| 461 | HERE, LOOK, WATCH ME. |
| 462 | SMILE. FROWN. SMILE. |
| 463 | FROWN... SMILE... |
| 464 | WELL, I GUESS THAT'S IT. |
| 465 | Phoebe: WHAT? |
| 466 | WHAT HAPPENED? WHAT HAPPENED? |
| 467 | MY MARRIAGE IS OVER. |
| 468 | Monica: SWEETIE... |
| 469 | OH, LOOK AT YOU. |
| 470 | YOU'RE SHIVERING. |
| 471 | HERE. |
| 472 | ROSS, HONEY, IS THERE ANYTHING WE CAN DO? |
| 473 | YEAH. |
| 474 | YOU CAN HELP ME GET MY FURNITURE BACK FROM GUNTHER. |
| 475 | ( whistling tune ) |
| 476 | OKAY, STOP TORMENTING ME! |
| 477 | THIS IS MINK, OKAY? |
| 478 | THEY'RE MEAN AND THEY HATE SQUIRRELS. |
| 479 | AND, YOU KNOW, OKAY |
| 480 | MOST OF THESE PROBABLY WANTED TO BE COATS. |
| 481 | ALL RIGHT, FINE. NO, I GET IT. |
| 482 | HERE, YOU TAKE IT. |
| 483 | ARE YOU HAPPY NOW? I'M COLD! |
| 484 | |
| 1 | ( giggling ) |
| 2 | ARE YOU LOOKING AT NAKED TRIBESWOMEN? |
| 3 | NO. LOOK. |
| 4 | THAT'S A PIG. |
| 5 | I KNOW, I KNOW, BUT LOOK AT THE KNOBS ON IT. |
| 6 | HEY. |
| 7 | HEY. HEY. |
| 8 | EMILY'S COUSIN KICKED ME OUT. |
| 9 | WHAT? WHY? |
| 10 | WELL, WHEN YOU'RE SUBLETTING AN APARTMENT |
| 11 | FROM YOUR WIFE'S COUSIN, AND THEN YOU GET A DIVORCE |
| 12 | SOMETIMES THE COUSIN SUDDENLY WANTS HIS APARTMENT BACK. |
| 13 | DIDN'T YOU SIGN A LEASE? |
| 14 | WHO NEEDS A LEASE WHEN IT'S FAMILY? |
| 15 | HEY, YOU COULD STAY WITH US. |
| 16 | WE'LL TAKE CARE OF YOU. |
| 17 | ANYTHING YOU NEED, MAN |
| 18 | BUT YOU HAVE TO PROMISE ME YOU WILL LET US KNOW |
| 19 | THE SECOND YOU ARE FEELING BETTER |
| 20 | SO WE CAN MAKE FUN OF YOUR HAIR. YEAH. |
| 21 | YOU GOT IT. |
| 22 | OKAY. |
| 23 | THANKS, YOU GUYS, I REALLY APPRECIATE THIS. |
| 24 | I'M GOING TO GET PACKING AGAIN. |
| 25 | I'VE BEEN MOVING AROUND SO MUCH LATELY |
| 26 | I'M BEGINNING TO FEEL LIKE A NOMAD. |
| 27 | ( giggling ) |
| 28 | WHAT? |
| 29 | HE THOUGHT YOU SAID "GONAD." |
| 30 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 31 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 32 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 33 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 34 | ♪ WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY, YOUR WEEK ♪ |
| 35 | ♪ YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 36 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 37 | ♪ WHEN THE RAIN STARTS TO POUR ♪ |
| 38 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 39 | ♪ LIKE I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE ♪ |
| 40 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 41 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME, TOO. ♪ |
| 42 | IF EVERY RESTAURANT WERE AS CLEAN AS YOURS |
| 43 | IT'D BE A TOUGH TIME MAKING A LIVING. |
| 44 | OH, LARRY. |
| 45 | SO, UM, DO HEALTH INSPECTORS WORK ON COMMISSION? |
| 46 | NO. BRIBES. |
| 47 | IT'S OKAY TO LAUGH, RIGHT? |
| 48 | YEAH. I WAS JUST KIDDING. OKAY. |
| 49 | I'M GOING TO CHECK THE KITCHEN FLOOR. |
| 50 | OKAY. KNOCK YOURSELF OUT, LARRY. |
| 51 | YUMMY. |
| 52 | WHAT? LARRY? |
| 53 | OH, YEAH. I'D LET HIM |
| 54 | CHECK OUT MY KITCHEN FLOOR. |
| 55 | A 98. |
| 56 | I DEDUCTED TWO POINTS BECAUSE |
| 57 | YOU'RE NOT WEARING YOUR CHEF'S HAT |
| 58 | AND THAT IS A SECTION FIVE VIOLATION. |
| 59 | LOOK, LARRY, HONEY |
| 60 | UM... I WROTE THE BOOK ON SECTION FIVE |
| 61 | AND I KNOW THAT YOU DON'T HAVE TO WEAR YOUR HAT |
| 62 | UNLESS YOU'RE IN THE KITCHEN. |
| 63 | WHERE IS YOUR HAT? |
| 64 | IT'S IN THE KITCHEN. I'LL GO GET IT. |
| 65 | THERE'S THE TWO POINTS. |
| 66 | HEY, YOU SHOULD REALLY READ THAT BOOK YOU WROTE. |
| 67 | WOW. |
| 68 | YOU SAW THE HAT IN THE KITCHEN |
| 69 | AND YOU KNEW SHE'D HAVE TO GO |
| 70 | IN THERE HATLESS TO GET IT. |
| 71 | YOU COULD HAVE YOUR OWN, YOU KNOW |
| 72 | HEALTH INSPECTOR DETECTIVE SHOW. |
| 73 | WELL, I DON'T KNOW ABOUT THAT. |
| 74 | YEAH, BUT THEN I COULD BE YOUR SIDEKICK, VUNDA. |
| 75 | MAYBE VUNDA COULD GIVE ME HER NUMBER |
| 76 | AND I COULD ASK HER TO DINNER SOMETIME. |
| 77 | OKAY, SHE WOULD LOVE THAT, YOU KNOW |
| 78 | SINCE YOU KNOW ALL THE CLEAN PLACES TO EAT. |
| 79 | I'LL CALL YOU. |
| 80 | OKAY. |
| 81 | HE'S SO FUNNY. WHOA. OH. |
| 82 | THANK YOU. |
| 83 | MON, HOW'S ROSS DOING |
| 84 | YOU KNOW, SINCE ALL THE EMILY STUFF? |
| 85 | HE'S NOT GREAT, BUT, UM... |
| 86 | HE'S DEALING WITH IT. OH. |
| 87 | OH, WAIT A MINUTE, YOU'RE NOT GOING TO...? |
| 88 | OH, HONEY, PLEASE, NO. |
| 89 | I CAN'T GET STARTED WITH ALL THAT ROSS STUFF AGAIN. |
| 90 | HE'S GOING TO BE SCREWED UP FOR A LONG TIME. |
| 91 | AND BESIDES, YOU KNOW |
| 92 | I DON'T GO FOR GUYS RIGHT AFTER THEY GET DIVORCED. |
| 93 | RIGHT. YOU ONLY GO FOR THEM |
| 94 | FIVE MINUTES BEFORE THEY GET MARRIED. |
| 95 | TWO POUNDS OF MOCHA JAVA, PLEASE. |
| 96 | IT'S DANNY. |
| 97 | ARE YOU GUYS EVER GOING OUT AGAIN? |
| 98 | I DON'T KNOW. HE HASN'T CALLED ME |
| 99 | SINCE THAT ONE TIME WE WENT OUT. |
| 100 | I SEE HIM IN THE HALLWAY, WE FLIRT. |
| 101 | I'M ALL... ( insincere laughing ) |
| 102 | ...AND NOTHING. |
| 103 | HEY. |
| 104 | HI, DANNY. |
| 105 | WOW. THIRSTY, HUH? |
| 106 | ACTUALLY, I'M HAVING A PARTY AT MY PLACE ON SATURDAY-- |
| 107 | SORT OF A HOUSEWARMING THING. |
| 108 | OH, FUN. OH, GREAT. |
| 109 | I'M REALLY LOOKING FORWARD TO IT. |
| 110 | OKAY, SEE YOU. |
| 111 | WELL, I GUESS WE WON'T BE WARMING HIS HOUSE. |
| 112 | OKAY, ALL RIGHT. |
| 113 | I SEE WHAT HE'S DOING. |
| 114 | HE'S NOT ASKING ME OUT |
| 115 | BECAUSE HE WANTS ME TO ASK HIM OUT. |
| 116 | YOU'RE NOT GOING TO DO THAT? |
| 117 | THAT'S RIGHT. |
| 118 | BECAUSE THAT WOULD GIVE HIM THE CONTROL. |
| 119 | SO NOW HE'S ALL, OOH, COMING UP WITH THIS |
| 120 | "I'VE GOT A PARTY" THING-- |
| 121 | YOU KNOW, TRYING TO GET ME |
| 122 | TO HINT AROUND FOR AN INVITATION. |
| 123 | BLEW UP IN HIS FACE, DIDN'T IT? |
| 124 | SO THERE IS NO PARTY? |
| 125 | OH, NO. |
| 126 | THERE'S A PARTY. |
| 127 | THERE'S A PARTY, BUT THE POWER-- |
| 128 | THAT IS STILL UP FOR GRABS. |
| 129 | YOU FOLLOW ME? |
| 130 | I THINK SO. |
| 131 | SO HE'S NOT INVITING YOU TO HIS PARTY |
| 132 | BECAUSE HE LIKES YOU. |
| 133 | EXACTLY. |
| 134 | ROSS? |
| 135 | HEY, ROOMIES. |
| 136 | HEY. |
| 137 | LOVE WHAT YOU'VE DONE WITH THE PLACE. |
| 138 | YEAH, I KNOW, I KNOW, IT'S A LOT OF BOXES |
| 139 | BUT AGAIN, I REALLY APPRECIATE YOU GUYS LETTING ME STAY HERE. |
| 140 | NOT A PROBLEM. |
| 141 | AND SINCE YOU'LL BE HERE A WHILE |
| 142 | I WAS THINKING WE'D PUT YOUR NAME ON THE ANSWERING MACHINE. |
| 143 | OH. I, UH, HOPE YOU DON'T MIND |
| 144 | BUT I KIND OF ALREADY JAZZED IT UP A LITTLE. |
| 145 | CHECK IT OUT. |
| 146 | ( playing intro to "We Will Rock You" ) |
| 147 | Ross: ♪ We will, we will call you back. ♪ |
| 148 | HEY. |
| 149 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 150 | PRETTY COOL, HUH? |
| 151 | YOU'RE FAKE LAUGHING, TOO, RIGHT? |
| 152 | OH, THE TEARS ARE REAL. |
| 153 | YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL THIS EVENING. |
| 154 | SHOW ME THE BADGE AGAIN. |
| 155 | SHINY. |
| 156 | YOU MIND IF I WASH UP? |
| 157 | I CAME STRAIGHT FROM WORK |
| 158 | AND WHO KNOWS WHERE THESE BABIES HAVE BEEN? |
| 159 | YOU ARE JUST NON-STOP. |
| 160 | WE'RE OUT OF HERE. |
| 161 | WHY? |
| 162 | JUST WALKING PAST THE KITCHEN |
| 163 | I SAW TEN VIOLATIONS. |
| 164 | I AM SHUTTING THIS PLACE DOWN. |
| 165 | YOU HAVE THE POWER TO DO THAT? |
| 166 | THIS DOES. |
| 167 | SHUT IT DOWN. |
| 168 | HEY. |
| 169 | WHAT ARE YOU DOING? |
| 170 | NOTHING. |
| 171 | YOU BUILT A FORT, DIDN'T YOU? |
| 172 | KIND OF. |
| 173 | OH, MY GOD, THE AIR PURIFIER. |
| 174 | ROSS'S AIR PURIFIER. |
| 175 | ALL I HEARD FOR FOUR YEARS THROUGH COLLEGE WAS... |
| 176 | ( humming ) |
| 177 | YOU SHOULD HAVE GONE OUT ONCE IN A WHILE. |
| 178 | I HATE THIS THING. |
| 179 | COME ON, CHANDLER. |
| 180 | ROSS IS OUR FRIEND. |
| 181 | HE NEEDS US RIGHT NOW. |
| 182 | WHY DON'T YOU BE A GROWNUP AND COME WATCH TV IN THE FORT? |
| 183 | ( knocking on door ) |
| 184 | OH, HI, DANNY. |
| 185 | I JUST WANTED TO INVITE YOU |
| 186 | TO THE PARTY TOMORROW NIGHT. |
| 187 | OH, THANKS. |
| 188 | I'LL TRY TO STOP BY. |
| 189 | YEAH, ACTUALLY, I THINK... I'M GOING TO BE BUSY. |
| 190 | YOU ARE? |
| 191 | YEAH. REMEMBER? |
| 192 | I'VE GOT THAT, UH... GALA. |
| 193 | WHAT'S THE GALA FOR? |
| 194 | UH, IT'S A, UM... |
| 195 | IT'S A, IT'S A REGATTA GALA. |
| 196 | REALLY? YOU SAIL? |
| 197 | NO. NO, BUT I SUPPORT IT. |
| 198 | OKAY. WELL, HOPE I SEE YOU TOMORROW NIGHT. |
| 199 | OKAY. TAKE CARE. |
| 200 | OKAY. |
| 201 | WALKED RIGHT INTO THAT ONE, DIDN'T HE? |
| 202 | WHAT ONE? |
| 203 | YOU WANTED HIM TO INVITE YOU |
| 204 | TO THE PARTY AND HE DID. |
| 205 | YEAH, BUT HE WAITED UNTIL THE LAST MINUTE. |
| 206 | SO IF I SAID YES, HE WOULD KNOW |
| 207 | I HAD NOTHING BETTER TO DO THAN WAIT AROUND |
| 208 | FOR AN INVITATION TO HIS STUPID PARTY. |
| 209 | I SAID NO, WHICH PUTS ME |
| 210 | RIGHT BACK IN THE DRIVER'S SEAT. |
| 211 | SO, THE BALL IS IN HIS COURT? |
| 212 | BALL? |
| 213 | NO, THERE'S NO BALL. |
| 214 | ( rhythmic slapping ) |
| 215 | JOEY, PLEASE. |
| 216 | SORRY. |
| 217 | ( rattling ) |
| 218 | ( shrieking ) |
| 219 | HELLO, CHILDREN. |
| 220 | HEY. |
| 221 | WANT TO PLAY SOME FOOSBALL? |
| 222 | PLEASE? |
| 223 | OKAY. |
| 224 | NO, NO. NO. |
| 225 | WE HAD TO MOVE THE TABLE INTO MY ROOM |
| 226 | BECAUSE OF ALL THE BOXES. |
| 227 | COME ON. |
| 228 | ALL RIGHT, I HAVE ONE QUESTION. |
| 229 | WHAT IS THE DEAL WITH THIS? |
| 230 | BYE-BYE, LITTLE PUPPET-JOEY HAND? |
| 231 | NO, NO, THE "QUIET DOWN" THING. |
| 232 | OH, YOU MEAN THIS. |
| 233 | MM! MM! |
| 234 | I DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH MORE I CAN TAKE. |
| 235 | DID YOU KNOW HE TAPED OVER MY BAYWATCH TAPE |
| 236 | WITH SOME SHOW ABOUT BUGS? |
| 237 | MY GOD. |
| 238 | WHAT IF THAT HAD BEEN PORN, HUH? |
| 239 | ALL RIGHT, LOOK, YOU KNOW |
| 240 | THIS MAY BE TOUGH, BUT COME ON, IT'S ROSS. |
| 241 | I SURVIVED COLLEGE WITH HIM. |
| 242 | ALL RIGHT. I GUESS I CAN HOLD OUT A LITTLE LONGER. |
| 243 | LET'S HAVE A GAME. |
| 244 | OKAY. |
| 245 | NO, NO, NO. |
| 246 | YES! |
| 247 | ( laughing ) |
| 248 | UH, FELLAS? |
| 249 | ( door closes ) |
| 250 | OKAY, SO HE'S OUT OF HERE. |
| 251 | YOU GUYS GOT ANYTHING TO EAT? |
| 252 | I JUST WENT DOWN TO JOHN-O's |
| 253 | FOR SOME CHICKEN, AND IT WAS CLOSED. |
| 254 | I TOOK LARRY THERE TO EAT, BUT IT WAS ALL VIOLATED |
| 255 | SO WE SHUT IT DOWN. |
| 256 | PHEEBS, IF THIS GUY KEEPS CLOSING DOWN |
| 257 | ALL OUR FAVORITE PLACES, WHERE WE GOING TO EAT? |
| 258 | I DON'T KNOW; CLEAN PLACES? |
| 259 | MMM. YUM. |
| 260 | ( knocking on door ) |
| 261 | IT'S DANNY. |
| 262 | DON'T LET HIM IN. I'M SUPPOSED TO BE AT A REGATTA GALA. |
| 263 | WE'LL BE RIGHT THERE. |
| 264 | CAN'T YOU JUST SAY IT STARTS LATER? |
| 265 | WHAT KIND OF A REGATTA GALA STARTS AT NIGHT? |
| 266 | THE FAKE KIND. |
| 267 | HEY, UM, I NEED A LADLE. |
| 268 | YOU GOT A LADLE? |
| 269 | WE HAVE A LADLE. |
| 270 | THANKS. SEE YOU AT THE PARTY. |
| 271 | OKAY. GREAT. |
| 272 | HEY, YOU GUYS. |
| 273 | YOU KNOW WHAT LARRY WOULD SAY? |
| 274 | HE'D SAY, "SEE YOU LADLE." |
| 275 | ( Phoebe laughing ) |
| 276 | WELL, I'M DONE WITH THIS. YOU WANT ANYTHING, ROSS? |
| 277 | UH, SPORTS? INTERNATIONAL? |
| 278 | APARTMENT LISTINGS? |
| 279 | UH, I'LL TAKE SPORTS. |
| 280 | MINE. |
| 281 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 282 | UH, INTERNATIONAL. |
| 283 | THAT'S MINE, TOO. |
| 284 | I'M ITALIAN. |
| 285 | I GUESS I COULD CHECK OUT THOSE APARTMENT LISTINGS |
| 286 | EVEN THOUGH THERE'S NEVER ANYTHING IN HERE. |
| 287 | NOT EVEN ON PAGE SEVEN? |
| 288 | OH, YEAH. YOU'RE RIGHT. |
| 289 | OH, HERE'S AN AFFORDABLE PLACE. |
| 290 | TWO BEDROOM, CLOSE TO WORK. |
| 291 | OOH, IT'S AVAILABLE IN FIVE WEEKS. |
| 292 | WHAT ABOUT THAT CIRCLED ONE? |
| 293 | OH, I DON'T KNOW. |
| 294 | IT'S KIND OF EXPENSIVE FOR A STUDIO. |
| 295 | BUT IT'S AVAILABLE NOW... |
| 296 | ISN'T IT? |
| 297 | YES, IT IS. |
| 298 | LET'S GO LOOK AT IT. |
| 299 | OKAY, LET'S GO. |
| 300 | HERE WE GO. HEY, HEY. |
| 301 | OH, OH, OH, HEY, GUYS. |
| 302 | I WAS WONDERING IF YOU WOULD, UH... |
| 303 | MAYBE CHIP IN FOR SOME NEW AIR FILTERS |
| 304 | FOR THE PURIFIER? |
| 305 | I MEAN, AFTER ALL, WE ARE ALL USING IT. |
| 306 | LET'S GO QUICKER. |
| 307 | ( long, appreciative whistle) |
| 308 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 309 | MMM. |
| 310 | LOOK AT THIS KITCHEN... |
| 311 | SLASH BATHROOM. |
| 312 | THAT'S GREAT, YOU KNOW |
| 313 | SO YOU CAN COOK WHILE IN THE TUB. |
| 314 | SOMEBODY WAS USING HIS HEAD. |
| 315 | HEY, LET'S CHECK OUT THE REST OF THE PLACE. |
| 316 | I THINK THIS IS IT. |
| 317 | I DON'T KNOW. |
| 318 | MAYBE WE SHOULD KEEP LOOKING. |
| 319 | BUT, HEY, ROSS, THIS PLACE IS AVAILABLE NOW. |
| 320 | YOU DON'T WANT TO BE STUCK WITH US |
| 321 | FOR THE NEXT FIVE WEEKS. YEAH. |
| 322 | SO YOU THINK I SHOULD GO AHEAD |
| 323 | AND TAKE THIS PLACE? |
| 324 | IT'S PERFECT. |
| 325 | HOW ABOUT YOU? |
| 326 | KITCHEN SLASH BATHROOM. |
| 327 | UH, I SEE WHAT YOU GUYS ARE SAYING. |
| 328 | I'LL, UH... I'LL GO DOWNSTAIRS |
| 329 | FILL OUT AN APPLICATION. |
| 330 | WE ARE BAD PEOPLE. |
| 331 | HE KNEW WE WERE TRYING TO GET RID OF HIM. |
| 332 | HE KNEW. |
| 333 | YOU THINK WE COULD GET A BATHTUB IN OUR KITCHEN? |
| 334 | HEY, YOU READY FOR DINNER? |
| 335 | OOH, ABSOLUTELY. |
| 336 | GREAT. |
| 337 | YOU WANT THE ITALIAN PLACE |
| 338 | DOWN ON BLEECKER, RIGHT? |
| 339 | OOH, I LOVE THAT PLACE. |
| 340 | SO... NO. |
| 341 | OH, HOW ABOUT MAMA LEZOTTI'S? |
| 342 | UGH. |
| 343 | SURE. |
| 344 | I WONDER HOW LONG THAT MILK HAS BEEN SITTING OUT. |
| 345 | OH, NO. THIS PLACE |
| 346 | IS TOTALLY HEALTHY. |
| 347 | THIS MILK IS MINE. |
| 348 | I BOUGHT THIS TODAY BECAUSE I WAS THIRSTY FOR MILK, YOU KNOW. |
| 349 | OKAY, LET'S GO. |
| 350 | HEY, BUDDY. |
| 351 | YOU FAMILIAR WITH SECTION 11-B |
| 352 | OF THE HEALTH CODE |
| 353 | THAT REQUIRES ALL REFUSE MATERIAL |
| 354 | TO BE TAKEN OUT OF THE BACK EXIT? |
| 355 | BUT THEN I HAVE TO GO |
| 356 | ALL THE WAY AROUND THE DRY CLEANER. |
| 357 | OH, SO YOU'RE SAYING YOU CHOOSE |
| 358 | CONVENIENCE OVER HEALTH? |
| 359 | OKAY, STOP. LARRY... |
| 360 | OKAY, CAN'T YOU JUST BE LARRY |
| 361 | AND NOT LARRY THE HEALTH INSPECTOR GUY? |
| 362 | YOU KNOW, I MEAN, IT WAS REALLY EXCITING |
| 363 | AT FIRST, BUT NOW, IT'S LIKE, OKAY-- |
| 364 | SO WHERE ARE WE GOING TO EAT EVER? |
| 365 | WELL, I SUPPOSE I COULD |
| 366 | GIVE HIM A WARNING. |
| 367 | THANK YOU. |
| 368 | OKAY, GO, GO, GO. |
| 369 | NOW, IF, AFTER DINNER |
| 370 | YOU STILL, LIKE, REALLY NEED TO BUST SOMEONE |
| 371 | I KNOW A HOT-DOG VENDOR WHO PICKS HIS NOSE. |
| 372 | MAYBE... MAYBE WE DID A GOOD THING |
| 373 | HELPING ROSS GET BACK ON HIS FEET. |
| 374 | YES, THAT WAS A NICE PLACE. YEAH. |
| 375 | NOT A LOT OF CLOSET SPACE |
| 376 | BUT HE COULD JUST HANG HIS STUFF |
| 377 | OUT THE WINDOW IN A BAG. YEAH. |
| 378 | WHAT WILL WE DO? |
| 379 | I DON'T KNOW. |
| 380 | MAYBE PIZZA? |
| 381 | ABOUT ROSS. |
| 382 | OH. |
| 383 | ( telephone ringing ) |
| 384 | HELLO? |
| 385 | OH, YEAH. |
| 386 | IT'S THE APARTMENT MANAGER. |
| 387 | ROSS PUT US DOWN AS REFERENCES. |
| 388 | ROSS IS THE GREATEST GUY YOU'LL EVER MEET. |
| 389 | YEAH, HE'S VERY RELIABLE. |
| 390 | OF COURSE, HE HAS A BIG, HUGE DOG |
| 391 | THAT, UH, BARKS INTO THE NIGHT. |
| 392 | WELL, WHO DOESN'T LOVE DOGS? |
| 393 | UH, HE'S A TAP DANCER. |
| 394 | YES, SOME WOULD SAY THAT IS A LOST ART. |
| 395 | HE'S A PIMP. |
| 396 | THERE YOU GO. YES, HE'S A PIMP. |
| 397 | HE'S A BIG, TAP DANCING PIMP. |
| 398 | HELLO? |
| 399 | OH. |
| 400 | THIS IS NEVER GOING TO WORK. |
| 401 | HE'S RIGHT THERE. |
| 402 | JUST GO OVER AND SAY HI. |
| 403 | I HAVE TO GO DOWNSTAIRS, COME BACK UP |
| 404 | AS IF I'M COMING HOME FROM THE REGATTA GALA. |
| 405 | OKAY? SO JUST GO DISTRACT HIM |
| 406 | BUT DON'T BE SEXY. |
| 407 | HEY, DANNY. |
| 408 | WHAT'S GOING ON? |
| 409 | IT'S A GREAT PARTY. |
| 410 | GREAT FOOD. |
| 411 | UH-HUH. |
| 412 | YOU KNOW, MOST PARTIES-- |
| 413 | IT'S ALL CHIPS AND SALSA, CHIPS AND SALSA. |
| 414 | SO, UH... |
| 415 | WHAT'S THIS? |
| 416 | SALAD. |
| 417 | OH. |
| 418 | AND, UH, WHAT'S THIS? |
| 419 | BREAD. |
| 420 | AREN'T YOU A CHEF? |
| 421 | OH. |
| 422 | HEY, RACHEL. |
| 423 | HEY. OH, RIGHT. |
| 424 | TONIGHT WAS YOUR PARTY. |
| 425 | YOU LOOK GREAT. I'M GLAD YOU COULD MAKE IT. |
| 426 | OH, YEAH, WELL, YOU KNOW, THE GALA HAD TO END SOMETIME. |
| 427 | DON'T GO ANYWHERE. |
| 428 | I'LL BE RIGHT BACK, ALL RIGHT? |
| 429 | YEAH, SURE. |
| 430 | ALL RIGHT, WHOSE COURT'S THE BALL IN NOW? |
| 431 | I THOUGHT THERE WASN'T A BALL. |
| 432 | OH, COME ON. |
| 433 | HE'S GLAD THAT I CAME. |
| 434 | HE DOESN'T WANT ME TO GO ANYWHERE. |
| 435 | BALLS FLYING ALL OVER THE PLACE. |
| 436 | RACHEL, THIS IS MY FRIEND, TOM. |
| 437 | THIS IS THE GIRL I TOLD YOU ABOUT. |
| 438 | OH, COME ON, YOU'RE TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT ME? |
| 439 | I THINK YOU TWO COULD REALLY HIT IT OFF. |
| 440 | I'M GOING TO GO MINGLE. |
| 441 | SO, YOU WORK AT BLOOMINGDALE'S, HUH? |
| 442 | MY MOM CALLS IT "BLOOMIES." |
| 443 | OH... YEAH. |
| 444 | OKAY. AT EASE, SOLDIER. |
| 445 | I'M SORRY? |
| 446 | IT'S ALL RIGHT. |
| 447 | YOU CAN JUST DROP THE ACT, TOMMY. |
| 448 | I KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON HERE. |
| 449 | YOU'RE DANNY'S WINGMAN, RIGHT? |
| 450 | YOU GUYS ARE BEST BUDS. |
| 451 | FRAT BROS. |
| 452 | I'M GOING TO GO TALK TO A FRIEND. |
| 453 | YEAH, YEAH. YOU GO TALK TO YOUR FRIEND. |
| 454 | YOU GO TELL HIM, "NICE TRY." |
| 455 | MAN, YOU KNOW, HE JUST KEEPS LOBBING THEM UP AND I JUST KEEP |
| 456 | KNOCKING THEM RIGHT OUT OF THE PARK. |
| 457 | I THINK I NEED A DRINK. |
| 458 | YEAH. |
| 459 | 98... 99... |
| 460 | ONE... HUNDRED. |
| 461 | OKAY. GO. |
| 462 | DUDE, I'M TELLING YOU, I'M FINE. |
| 463 | HERE WE GO, HERE WE GO. |
| 464 | HEY. |
| 465 | HEY. |
| 466 | SO, I, UH... I DIDN'T GET THAT APARTMENT. |
| 467 | SOME PROBLEM WITH MY APPLICATION. |
| 468 | Both: YOU'RE KIDDING! |
| 469 | YEAH, BUT THE GOOD NEWS IS |
| 470 | PHOEBE SAID I COULD STAY |
| 471 | AT HER PLACE FOR A WHILE, SO... |
| 472 | WELL, YOU CAN'T STAY WITH PHOEBE, ROSS. |
| 473 | WE'RE ROOMIES. |
| 474 | LOOK, YOU GUYS DON'T NEED ME HERE |
| 475 | TAKING UP ALL YOUR SPACE. |
| 476 | WE GOT PLENTY OF SPACE. |
| 477 | THERE'S STILL SOME OVER THERE BY THAT SPEAKER. |
| 478 | PLEASE, JUST STAY. |
| 479 | YEAH. |
| 480 | ARE YOU GUYS SURE ABOUT THIS? |
| 481 | DEFINITELY, YES. |
| 482 | YES. ROSS, YOU HAVE TO STAY. |
| 483 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 484 | ALL RIGHT, BUDDY. |
| 485 | HEY. |
| 486 | SO I'M A PIMP, HUH? |
| 487 | IT'S OKAY. |
| 488 | LOOK, I KNOW SOMETIMES I CAN BE A PAIN IN THE ASS |
| 489 | BUT YOU JUST HAVE TO TALK TO ME. |
| 490 | TELL ME IF SOMETHING'S BOTHERING YOU, OKAY? |
| 491 | AND FOR MY PART, I'LL REALLY DO EVERYTHING I CAN |
| 492 | TO KEEP MY ANNOYING HABITS YOU KNOW, JUST... |
| 493 | WELL, I SEE YOU'VE HAD A VERY PRODUCTIVE DAY. |
| 494 | DON'T YOU THINK THE COWBOY HAT'S A LITTLE MUCH? |
| 495 | COME ON, IT'S FUN. |
| 496 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 497 | ISN'T THIS A WOMAN'S HAT? |
| 498 | DUDE, STOP TALKING CRAZY AND MAKE US SOME TEA. |
| 499 | |
| 1 | ( all groaning ) |
| 2 | OH, MONICA, THAT WAS THE BEST |
| 3 | THANKSGIVING DINNER EVER. |
| 4 | IT WAS SO GOOD. |
| 5 | I THINK YOU KILLED US. |
| 6 | I COULDN'T POSSIBLY EAT ANOTHER BITE. |
| 7 | I NEED SOMETHING SWEET. |
| 8 | DOES ANYONE WANT TO WATCH TV? |
| 9 | All: YEAH. |
| 10 | MONICA, YOUR REMOTE DOESN'T WORK. |
| 11 | PHOEBE, YOU HAVE TO LIFT IT AND POINT. |
| 12 | OH. |
| 13 | OH, FORGET IT. |
| 14 | HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT WE SHOULD ALL DO? |
| 15 | WE SHOULD PLAY THAT GAME WHERE EVERYONE SAYS |
| 16 | ONE THING THAT THEY'RE THANKFUL FOR. |
| 17 | OH, I... I AM THANKFUL |
| 18 | FOR THIS BEAUTIFUL FALL WE'VE BEEN HAVING. |
| 19 | THAT'S SWEET, JOEY. VERY NICE. |
| 20 | YEAH, THE OTHER DAY I WAS AT THE BUS STOP |
| 21 | AND THIS LOVELY FALL BREEZE CAME IN OUT OF NOWHERE |
| 22 | AND BLEW THIS CHICK'S SKIRT RIGHT UP. |
| 23 | OH, WHICH REMINDS ME |
| 24 | I'M ALSO THANKFUL FOR THONGS. |
| 25 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU ♪ |
| 26 | ♪ LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 27 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 28 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 29 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 30 | ♪ WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY, YOUR WEEK ♪ |
| 31 | ♪ YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 32 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 33 | ♪ WHEN THE RAIN STARTS TO POUR ♪ |
| 34 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 35 | ♪ LIKE I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE ♪ |
| 36 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 37 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME, TOO. ♪ |
| 38 | I MEAN, IT'S NOT SO MUCH AN UNDERPANT |
| 39 | AS IT IS A FEAT OF ENGINEERING. |
| 40 | IT'S AMAZING HOW MUCH THEY CAN DO |
| 41 | WITH SO LITTLE MATERIAL. |
| 42 | YOU KNOW, AND THE WAY THEY PLAY WITH YOUR MIND. |
| 43 | I MEAN, IS IT THERE? IS IT NOT THERE? |
| 44 | ( mumbling ) |
| 45 | ARE YOU AWARE THAT YOU'RE STILL TALKING? |
| 46 | IS ANYONE THANKFUL FOR ANYTHING ELSE |
| 47 | BESIDES A THONG? |
| 48 | HUH, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO PICK. |
| 49 | AM I MORE THANKFUL FOR MY DIVORCE |
| 50 | OR MY EVICTION? |
| 51 | WOW. SEE, AND I DIDN'T THINK |
| 52 | YOU'D BE ABLE TO COME UP WITH ANYTHING. |
| 53 | I'M SORRY, IT'S JUST THIS IS THE WORST THANKSGIVING EVER. |
| 54 | NO, NO, NO, NO. I AM THE KING OF BAD THANKSGIVINGS. |
| 55 | YOU CAN'T JUST SWOOP IN HERE WITH YOUR BAD MARRIAGE |
| 56 | AND TAKE THAT AWAY FROM ME. |
| 57 | NO, YOU'RE NOT GOING TO TELL THE WHOLE STORY |
| 58 | ABOUT HOW YOUR PARENTS GOT DIVORCED AGAIN, ARE YOU? |
| 59 | OH, GOD NO. |
| 60 | NO, NO, COME ON, I WANT TO HEAR IT. |
| 61 | IT WOULDN'T BE THANKSGIVING WITHOUT CHANDLER BUMMING US OUT. |
| 62 | IT'S A TRADITION LIKE THE PARADE... |
| 63 | IF THE PARADE DECIDED IT WAS GAY, MOVED OUT |
| 64 | AND ABANDONED ITS ENTIRE FAMILY. |
| 65 | NOW, CHANDLER, DEAR, JUST BECAUSE |
| 66 | YOUR FATHER AND I ARE GETTING A DIVORCE |
| 67 | DOESN'T MEAN WE DON'T LOVE YOU. |
| 68 | IT JUST MEANS HE WOULD RATHER SLEEP |
| 69 | WITH THE HOUSEBOY THAN WITH ME. |
| 70 | MORE TURKEY, MR. CHANDLER? |
| 71 | YOU'RE RIGHT, YOURS IS WORSE. |
| 72 | YOU ARE THE KING OF BAD THANKSGIVINGS. |
| 73 | I DON'T KNOW ABOUT THAT. I'VE GOT ONE THAT'S WORSE. |
| 74 | REALLY? WORSE THAN "MORE TURKEY, MR. CHANDLER?" |
| 75 | OH, DID THE LITTLE RICH BOY |
| 76 | HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THE BUTLER? |
| 77 | YES, MINE'S WORSE. |
| 78 | MORE BANDAGES! MORE BANDAGES! |
| 79 | PLEASE, CAN I GET SOME MORE BANDAGES IN HERE?! |
| 80 | THIS MAN IS DYING! |
| 81 | OH, NO. |
| 82 | IN THIS LIFE, PHOEBE. |
| 83 | OH, THIS LIFE. OH, OKAY. |
| 84 | NO, CHANDLER'S IS WORSE. |
| 85 | MAN, IT MUST BE SO COOL, |
| 86 | REMEMBERING STUFF LIKE THAT. |
| 87 | I DON'T HAVE ANY PAST LIFE MEMORIES. |
| 88 | OF COURSE YOU DON'T, SWEETIE. |
| 89 | YOU'RE BRAND NEW. |
| 90 | I KNOW MONICA'S WORST THANKSGIVING. |
| 91 | LET'S NOT TELL THIS STORY. |
| 92 | OH, COME ON. |
| 93 | OH, NO. I KNOW, I KNOW. |
| 94 | IT'S THE ONE WHERE JOEY |
| 95 | GOT MONICA'S TURKEY STUCK ON HIS HEAD. |
| 96 | WHAT? WHAT?! |
| 97 | JOEY GOT A TURKEY STUCK ON HIS HEAD? |
| 98 | HEY, IT'S NOT LIKE IT SOUNDS. |
| 99 | IT'S EXACTLY LIKE IT SOUNDS. |
| 100 | ( muffled ): HELLO? |
| 101 | HELLO? |
| 102 | ( muffled ): PHOEBE? |
| 103 | JOEY? WHAT'S GOING ON? |
| 104 | ( Phoebe gasps ) |
| 105 | OH, MY GOD! |
| 106 | I KNOW. |
| 107 | IT'S STUCK! |
| 108 | STEP. HOW DID IT GET ON? |
| 109 | I PUT IT ON TO SCARE CHANDLER. |
| 110 | OH, MY GOD! |
| 111 | MONICA'S GOING TO TOTALLY FREAK OUT. |
| 112 | WELL, THEN HELP ME GET IT OFF. |
| 113 | PLUS, IT SMELLS REALLY BAD IN HERE. |
| 114 | OF COURSE IT SMELLS REALLY BAD. |
| 115 | YOU HAVE YOUR HEAD UP A DEAD ANIMAL. |
| 116 | OOH, OH. MONICA. |
| 117 | HEY. HEY. |
| 118 | HEY, DID YOU GET THE TURKEY BASTE...? |
| 119 | OH, MY GOD! |
| 120 | OH, MY GOD! |
| 121 | WHO IS THAT? |
| 122 | IT'S JOEY. |
| 123 | WHAT? WHAT ARE YOU DOING? IS THIS SUPPOSED TO BE FUNNY? |
| 124 | NO, IT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE FUNNY. |
| 125 | IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE SCARY. |
| 126 | WELL, GET THAT OFF NOW. |
| 127 | I CAN'T. IT'S STUCK. |
| 128 | I DON'T CARE. THAT HAS TO FEED 20 PEOPLE AT MY PARENTS' HOUSE |
| 129 | AND THEY'RE NOT GOING TO EAT IT OFF YOUR HEAD! |
| 130 | HOLD ON, OKAY? |
| 131 | LET'S JUST ALL THINK. |
| 132 | OKAY, I GOT IT. |
| 133 | PHOEBE, YOU PULL. |
| 134 | I'M GOING TO SPREAD THE LEGS AS WIDE AS I CAN. |
| 135 | ( snickering ) |
| 136 | JOEY? YEAH. |
| 137 | NOW IS NOT THE TIME. |
| 138 | SORRY. RIGHT. SORRY. |
| 139 | OKAY, ON THE COUNT OF THREE. |
| 140 | ONE, TWO, THREE. |
| 141 | ( yelling ) |
| 142 | IT WORKED. I SCARED YOU. |
| 143 | I KNEW IT. HA-HA! |
| 144 | I'M OVER HERE, BIG GUY. |
| 145 | YEAH, YOU ARE. YEAH, HA-HA! |
| 146 | I SCARED YOU. |
| 147 | ( whooping ) |
| 148 | YOU-YOU DID LOOK LIKE AN IDIOT. |
| 149 | HEY, I WASN'T THE ONLY ONE WHO LOOKED LIKE AN IDIOT, ALL RIGHT? |
| 150 | REMEMBER WHEN ROSS TRIED TO SAY "BUTTERNUT SQUASH" |
| 151 | AND IT CAME OUT... |
| 152 | "SQUATTER NUTBOSH"? |
| 153 | YEAH, THAT'S THE SAME. |
| 154 | WELL, THAT'S IT. THAT'S MY WORST THANKSGIVING. |
| 155 | OH, WAIT. THAT CAN'T BE THE ONE THAT RACHEL WAS TALKING ABOUT |
| 156 | 'CAUSE SHE DIDN'T EVEN KNOW THAT THAT HAPPENED. |
| 157 | Joey: OH, RIGHT. Ross: WHAT WAS IT? |
| 158 | I-I REALLY DON'T WANT TO TELL THIS STORY. |
| 159 | OH, COME ON, MONICA. RELIVING PAST PAIN AND GETTING DEPRESSED |
| 160 | IS WHAT THANKSGIVING'S ALL ABOUT. |
| 161 | YOU KNOW, FOR ME ANYWAY. |
| 162 | AND, OF COURSE, THE INDIANS. |
| 163 | LOOK, UM, OF ALL PEOPLE |
| 164 | YOU DO NOT WANT ME TO TELL THIS STORY. |
| 165 | WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN? |
| 166 | ( doorbell ringing ) MONICA! I THINK RACHEL IS HERE. |
| 167 | Monica: I'LL GET IT! |
| 168 | HAPPY THANKSGIVING. |
| 169 | NOT FOR ME. |
| 170 | CHIP AND I BROKE UP. |
| 171 | WHY? WHY? WELL, WHAT HAPPENED? |
| 172 | OH, YOU KNOW HOW MY PARENTS ARE OUT OF TOWN |
| 173 | AND CHIP WAS GOING TO COME OVER? |
| 174 | YEAH, YEAH, AND YOU WERE GOING |
| 175 | TO GIVE HIM, YOU KNOW... |
| 176 | YOUR FLOWER. |
| 177 | OKAY, MONICA, CAN YOU JUST CALL IT "SEX"? |
| 178 | IT REALLY CREEPS ME OUT WHEN YOU CALL IT THAT. |
| 179 | OKAY, AND BY THE WAY, WHILE WE'RE AT IT |
| 180 | A GUY'S THING IS NOT CALLED HIS "TENDERNESS." |
| 181 | BELIEVE ME. |
| 182 | HI. HI, RACHEL. |
| 183 | HAPPY THANKSGIVING. YOU TOO, SWEETHEART. |
| 184 | HEY. |
| 185 | OH, HI. |
| 186 | UH... EVERYONE |
| 187 | THIS IS CHANDLER, MY ROOMMATE |
| 188 | AND LEAD SINGER OF OUR BAND. |
| 189 | ROSS. |
| 190 | OH, THIS IS MONICA. |
| 191 | HI, I'M ROSS'S LITTLE SISTER. |
| 192 | OKAY. |
| 193 | I'M SO GLAD YOU COULD COME, CHANDLER. |
| 194 | WE GOT PLENTY OF FOOD, SO I HOPE YOU'RE HUNGRY. |
| 195 | OH, MOM, CHANDLER HATES THANKSGIVING |
| 196 | AND DOESN'T EAT ANY THANKSGIVING FOOD. |
| 197 | OH. OH, I'M SO GLAD YOU BROUGHT HIM HERE, THEN. |
| 198 | HEY, CHANDLER, UM... IF YOU WANT, I CAN MAKE YOU |
| 199 | SOME MACARONI AND CHEESE FOR DINNER. |
| 200 | WELL, AS LONG AS THE PILGRIMS DIDN'T EAT IT, THEN I'M IN. |
| 201 | ( laughs, snorts soda ) |
| 202 | DAMN IT. |
| 203 | SO, UH..., RACHE |
| 204 | DOES IT, DOES IT FEEL WEIRD AROUND HERE NOW? |
| 205 | YOU KNOW, SINCE I'VE BEEN AWAY AT COLLEGE? |
| 206 | OH. NO, NOT REALLY. |
| 207 | WELL, THAT'S COOL. |
| 208 | SO DO...? |
| 209 | OH! |
| 210 | I CANNOT BELIEVE CHIP DUMPED ME |
| 211 | FOR THAT SLUT NANCY BRANSON. |
| 212 | I AM NEVER GOING OUT WITH HIM AGAIN, YOU KNOW. |
| 213 | I DON'T CARE HOW MUCH HE BEGS. |
| 214 | I THINK HIS BEGGING DAYS ARE OVER |
| 215 | NOW HE'S GOING OUT WITH NANCY BRANSON. |
| 216 | YOU KNOW WHAT? I'VE JUST HAD IT WITH HIGH SCHOOL BOYS. |
| 217 | THEY'RE JUST... SILLY. |
| 218 | THEY'RE JUST SILLY, STUPID BOYS. |
| 219 | I'M GOING TO START DATING MEN. |
| 220 | UH, I'M SORRY, JUDY. |
| 221 | I COULDN'T FIND THAT BOWL YOU AND JACK WERE LOOKING FOR. |
| 222 | ( scoffs ): CALL THEM "MOM AND DAD," YOU LOSER. |
| 223 | ( whines ): MONICA! |
| 224 | HEY, CHANDLER... |
| 225 | DID YOU LIKE THE MACARONI AND CHEESE? |
| 226 | OH, YEAH. IT WAS GREAT. YOU SHOULD BE A CHEF. |
| 227 | OKAY. |
| 228 | GUESS WHAT? ALL THIS STUFF |
| 229 | ABOUT NANCY BRANSON BEING A SLUT WAS ALL A RUMOR, |
| 230 | SO CHIP DUMPED HER |
| 231 | AND HE WANTS TO COME OVER TO MY HOUSE TONIGHT. |
| 232 | OH, THAT IS SO GREAT! |
| 233 | OH, GOSH, LISTEN. |
| 234 | IF YOU AND CHIP DO IT TONIGHT |
| 235 | PROMISE ME YOU'LL TELL ME EVERYTHING. |
| 236 | OH, TOTALLY, TOTALLY. YOU KNOW, IT'S NOT THAT BIG A DEAL. |
| 237 | WE ALREADY KIND OF DID IT ONCE, YOU KNOW. |
| 238 | I KNOW, BUT THIS TIME YOU'RE GOING |
| 239 | TO DEFINITELY KNOW WHETHER OR NOT YOU DID IT. |
| 240 | I KNOW. OH, AND CHIP PROMISED |
| 241 | THAT-THAT THIS TIME IT WOULD LAST |
| 242 | AT LEAST FOR AN ENTIRE SONG. |
| 243 | SO I'M THINKING OF ASKING RACHEL OUT TONIGHT. |
| 244 | YOU KNOW, MAYBE PLAYING HER THAT SONG |
| 245 | WE WROTE LAST WEEK. |
| 246 | "EMOTIONAL KNAPSACK"? YEAH. |
| 247 | RIGHT ON. |
| 248 | OH, BUT DON'T TAKE TOO LONG, OKAY? |
| 249 | BECAUSE, YOU KNOW, WE'RE GOING TO TEST OUT |
| 250 | OUR FAKE I.D.s TONIGHT, RIGHT, CLIFFORD ALVEREZ? |
| 251 | LISTEN, ROWLAND CHENG... |
| 252 | IF THINGS GO WELL, I MAY BE OUT WITH HER ALL NIGHT. |
| 253 | DUDE, DON'T DO THAT TO ME. |
| 254 | NO, IT'S COOL. YOU CAN STAY HERE. MY PARENTS WON'T MIND. |
| 255 | NO, IT'S NOT THAT. I JUST DON'T WANT TO BE STUCK HERE |
| 256 | ALL NIGHT WITH YOUR FAT SISTER. |
| 257 | HEY. |
| 258 | MONICA, WHY DON'T YOU FINISH OFF THESE PIES? |
| 259 | I DON'T HAVE ANY MORE ROOM IN THE FRIDGE. |
| 260 | NO. |
| 261 | NO, THANK YOU. |
| 262 | WELL, JUDY, YOU DID IT. |
| 263 | SHE'S FINALLY FULL. |
| 264 | I CALLED YOU FAT? |
| 265 | I DON'T EVEN REMEMBER THAT. |
| 266 | WELL, I DO. |
| 267 | I'M SO SORRY. I REALLY AM. |
| 268 | BUT, COME ON, I WAS AN IDIOT BACK THEN. |
| 269 | I RUSHED THE STAGE AT A WHAM! CONCERT, |
| 270 | FOR CRYING OUT LOUD. |
| 271 | OH, I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU CALLED HER FAT. |
| 272 | I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU LET GEORGE MICHAEL SLAP YOU. |
| 273 | I AM REALLY SORRY. |
| 274 | THAT IS SO TERRIBLE. |
| 275 | I'M SO, SO SORRY. |
| 276 | ACTUALLY, YOU KNOW, THAT'S NOT THE THANKSGIVING I WAS TALKING ABOUT. |
| 277 | YES, IT WAS. NO, IT WASN'T. IT WAS ACTUALLY... |
| 278 | THANKSGIVING'S OVER. LET'S GET READY FOR CHRISTMAS. |
| 279 | WHO WANTS TO GO GET A CHRISTMAS TREE? |
| 280 | OOH, NO. I HAVE THE CUTEST CHRISTMAS STORY. |
| 281 | BUT WE WANT TO HEAR MONICA'S THANKSGIVING STORY. |
| 282 | FINE. ALL RIGHT. MINE HAD A DWARF |
| 283 | THAT GOT BROKE IN HALF BUT, YOU KNOW, WHATEVER. |
| 284 | SO, RACHEL, YOUR MOM TELLS ME YOU CHANGED YOUR MAJOR AGAIN. |
| 285 | WELL, YEAH, I HAD TO. THERE WAS NEVER ANY PARKING |
| 286 | BY THE PSYCHOLOGY BUILDING. |
| 287 | HI, RACHEL. OH, HI. |
| 288 | WOW, LOVE YOUR NEW NOSE. |
| 289 | JACK... |
| 290 | WHAT? DR. WILSON'S AN ARTIST. |
| 291 | HE REMOVED MY MOLE CLUSTER. |
| 292 | WANT TO SEE? |
| 293 | ( doorbell rings ) I'LL GET IT. |
| 294 | NO, GOD. PLEASE LET ME. |
| 295 | HEY. HEY. |
| 296 | HAPPY THANKSGIVING. HI. |
| 297 | GOD, YOUR HAIR SURE IS DIFFERENT. |
| 298 | YEAH, WE WERE JUST TALKING ABOUT THAT. |
| 299 | I CAN'T BELIEVE HOW STUPID WE USED TO LOOK. |
| 300 | YEAH. |
| 301 | SO, UH, WHERE'S MONICA? |
| 302 | SHE'S UPSTAIRS. |
| 303 | MONICA, COME DOWN. |
| 304 | EVERYONE'S HERE-- ROSS, RACHEL |
| 305 | AND THE BOY WHO HATES THANKSGIVING. |
| 306 | HI, CHANDLER. |
| 307 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 308 | W-W-WHAT'S THE MATTER? IS THERE... |
| 309 | IS THERE SOMETHING ON MY DRESS? |
| 310 | YOU LOOK SO DIFFERENT, TERRIFIC. |
| 311 | THAT DRESS, THAT BODY. |
| 312 | DUDE. SORRY. |
| 313 | YES, YES. MONICA IS THIN. |
| 314 | IT'S WONDERFUL, |
| 315 | BUT WHAT WE REALLY WANT TO HEAR ABOUT |
| 316 | IS ROSS'S NEW GIRLFRIEND. |
| 317 | OH, MOM. |
| 318 | OKAY. UM, HER NAME IS CAROL |
| 319 | AND SHE'S REALLY PRETTY AND SMART |
| 320 | AND, UH, SHE'S... SHE'S ON THE LACROSSE TEAM |
| 321 | AND THE GOLF TEAM, CAN YOU BELIEVE IT? |
| 322 | SHE PLAYS FOR BOTH TEAMS. |
| 323 | SO, CHANDLER, I GUESS I'LL SEE YOU AT DINNER. |
| 324 | DUDE. SORRY. |
| 325 | OH, MY GOD. THAT WAS SO AWESOME. |
| 326 | YOU TOTALLY GOT HIM BACK FOR CALLING YOU FAT. |
| 327 | HE WAS JUST DROOLING ALL OVER YOU. |
| 328 | THAT MUST HAVE FELT SO GREAT. |
| 329 | WELL, IT DIDN'T. |
| 330 | WHAT? |
| 331 | YEAH. I MEAN, YEAH, I LOOK GREAT |
| 332 | AND, YEAH, I FEEL GREAT, AND, YEAH, MY HEART'S |
| 333 | NOT IN TROUBLE ANYMORE, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH. |
| 334 | I JUST DON'T FEEL LIKE I GOT HIM BACK, YOU KNOW? |
| 335 | I JUST WANT TO HUMILIATE HIM. I WANT TO... |
| 336 | I WANT HIM TO BE LIKE NAKED AND I WANT TO POINT AT HIM |
| 337 | AND I WANT TO LAUGH. |
| 338 | OKAY. |
| 339 | THAT WE MAY BE ABLE TO DO. |
| 340 | HOW? |
| 341 | WELL, GUYS TEND TO GET NAKED |
| 342 | BEFORE THEY'RE GOING TO HAVE SEX. |
| 343 | WHAT?! |
| 344 | I DIDN'T WORK THIS HARD A-A-AND LOSE ALL THIS WEIGHT |
| 345 | JUST SO I COULD GIVE MY FLOWER TO SOMEONE LIKE HIM. |
| 346 | OKAY, FIRST OF ALL, IF YOU KEEP CALLING IT THAT |
| 347 | NO ONE'S EVER GOING TO TAKE IT. |
| 348 | AND THEN, SECOND OF ALL |
| 349 | YOU'RE NOT GOING TO ACTUALLY HAVE SEX WITH HIM. |
| 350 | YOU'RE JUST GOING TO MAKE HIM THINK |
| 351 | THAT YOU ARE. |
| 352 | YEAH. |
| 353 | AND THEN WHEN HE'S NAKED, I CAN THROW HIM OUT IN THE FRONT YARD |
| 354 | AND LOCK THE DOOR, AND THEN ALL OUR NEIGHBORS |
| 355 | WILL JUST HUMILIATE HIM. |
| 356 | YEAH, AND THEN YOU WILL DEFINITELY GET HIM BACK. |
| 357 | HOW DO I MAKE HIM THINK I WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH HIM? |
| 358 | UH, HERE'S WHAT YOU DO. |
| 359 | JUST ACT LIKE EVERYTHING AROUND YOU TURNS YOU ON. |
| 360 | WHAT DO YOU MEAN? WELL, LIKE ANYTHING CAN BE SEXY, |
| 361 | LIKE, UM... |
| 362 | OH! OKAY, LIKE THIS... LIKE THIS DISHTOWEL. |
| 363 | OOH... OOH... |
| 364 | THIS FEELS SO GOOD AGAINST MY CHEEK. |
| 365 | AND IF I GET A LITTLE HOT, I CAN JUST DAB MYSELF WITH IT. |
| 366 | OR I CAN BRING IT DOWN TO MY SIDE |
| 367 | AND MAYBE RUN IT THROUGH MY FINGERS |
| 368 | WHILE I TALK TO HIM. |
| 369 | I CAN DO THAT. |
| 370 | YEAH? OKAY, GOOD, GOOD. |
| 371 | HE'S COMING. HE'S COMING. |
| 372 | HEY, WHAT'S UP? HEY. |
| 373 | MONICA, I WAS WONDERING IF YOU COULD MAKE ME |
| 374 | SOME OF THAT RIGHTEOUS MAC 'N' CHEESE |
| 375 | LIKE LAST YEAR. |
| 376 | UH, I'D LOVE TO. |
| 377 | OOH... I LOVE MACARONI AND CHEESE. |
| 378 | I LOVE... I LOVE THE WAY THIS BOX FEELS |
| 379 | AGAINST MY CHEEK. |
| 380 | OKAY. |
| 381 | OH, AND I LOVE CARROTS. |
| 382 | OH... |
| 383 | SOMETIMES I LIKE TO PUT THEM BETWEEN MY FINGERS... |
| 384 | LIKE THIS, AND... AND... AND HOLD THEM DOWN HERE |
| 385 | WHILE I TALK TO YOU. |
| 386 | UM, AN-AN-AND YOU KNOW, IF I GET REALLY HOT? |
| 387 | UM, I-I LIKE TO... |
| 388 | PICK UP THIS KNIFE |
| 389 | AND... AND, UM, |
| 390 | I PUT THE... THE COOL STEEL |
| 391 | AGAINST, UM... |
| 392 | MY BODY. |
| 393 | ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? |
| 394 | OH, YEAH, YEAH. I'M FINE. IT'S... |
| 395 | WHAT HAVE WE GOT HERE? 20-YEAR-OLD MALE. |
| 396 | HE'S GOT A SEVERED TOE ON HIS RIGHT FOOT. |
| 397 | OW! OW! |
| 398 | COULD YOU PLEASE NOT DO THAT FEET-FIRST? |
| 399 | YOU KNOW WHERE HIS INJURY IS. |
| 400 | SEVERED TOE. YOU JUST SAID IT! |
| 401 | SAYS HERE THE KNIFE WENT RIGHT THROUGH YOUR SHOE. |
| 402 | OF COURSE IT DID. THEY'RE MADE OF WICKER. |
| 403 | DID YOU BRING THE TOE? |
| 404 | OH, YES. I HAVE IT RIGHT HERE ON ICE. |
| 405 | DON'T WORRY, SON, WE'LL JUST REATTACH IT AND THEN... |
| 406 | WHAT? WHAT IS IT? |
| 407 | YOU BROUGHT A CARROT. |
| 408 | WHAT? |
| 409 | THIS ISN'T YOUR TOE. THIS IS A SMALL, |
| 410 | VERY COLD PIECE OF CARROT. |
| 411 | YOU BROUGHT A CARROT? |
| 412 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 413 | THERE'S A TOE IN MY KITCHEN. |
| 414 | GOD, I'M SORRY! I'LL GO BACK AND GET IT! |
| 415 | IT'S TOO LATE. ALL WE CAN DO NOW IS SEW UP THE WOUND. |
| 416 | WITHOUT MY TOE? I NEED MY TOE. |
| 417 | WHAT? NO, NO. I CAN GO REALLY FAST. |
| 418 | DAD, GIVE ME THE KEYS TO YOUR PORSCHE. |
| 419 | OH, I'M NOT FALLING FOR THAT ONE. |
| 420 | THAT'S WHY I LOST MY TOE? |
| 421 | BECAUSE I CALLED YOU FAT? |
| 422 | I DIDN'T MEAN TO CUT IT OFF. IT WAS AN ACCIDENT. |
| 423 | THAT'S WHY, FOR AN ENTIRE YEAR |
| 424 | PEOPLE CALLED ME SIR LIMPS-A-LOT? |
| 425 | I'M SORRY. |
| 426 | IT WASN'T YOUR WHOLE TOE. |
| 427 | YEAH, WELL, I MISS THE TIP. |
| 428 | IT'S THE BEST PART. |
| 429 | IT HAS THE NAIL. |
| 430 | CHANDLER... |
| 431 | SIR LIMPS-A-LOT-- I CAME UP WITH THAT. |
| 432 | YOU'RE A DORK. |
| 433 | ( sighing ): I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS. |
| 434 | CHANDLER, I SAID I WAS SORRY. |
| 435 | YEAH? WELL, SORRY DOESN'T BRING BACK |
| 436 | THE LITTLE PIGGY THAT CRIED ALL THE WAY HOME. |
| 437 | I HATE THIS STUPID DAY AND EVERYTHING ABOUT IT. |
| 438 | I'LL SEE YOU LATER. OH, WAIT, CHANDLER. |
| 439 | COME HERE. IS THERE ANYTHING I CAN DO? |
| 440 | ANYTHING? |
| 441 | YEAH, JUST... LEAVE ME ALONE FOR A LITTLE WHILE. |
| 442 | OH, OH, I'M A DUCK. I GO, "QUACK, QUACK." |
| 443 | I'M HAPPY ALL THE TIME. |
| 444 | ( knocking ) |
| 445 | NICE TRY. |
| 446 | WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. |
| 447 | LOOK, MONICA... |
| 448 | THIS IS NOT GOING TO WORK. |
| 449 | I BET THIS WILL WORK. |
| 450 | ( laughing ) |
| 451 | YOU ARE SO GREAT. I LOVE YOU. |
| 452 | WHAT? |
| 453 | NOTHING. I SAID... I SAID, "YOU'RE SO GREAT," |
| 454 | AND THEN I JUST... I JUST STOPPED TALKING. |
| 455 | YOU SAID YOU LOVED ME. I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS. |
| 456 | NO, I DIDN'T. |
| 457 | YES, YOU DID. |
| 458 | NO, I DIDN'T. |
| 459 | YOU LOVE ME. |
| 460 | NO, I DON'T! |
| 461 | STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IT! |
| 462 | ( screaming ) |
| 463 | GAUZE! GAUZE! |
| 464 | I NEED TO GET SOME GAUZE IN HERE! |
| 465 | CAN I PLEASE GET SOME MORE GAUZE?! |
| 466 | ( explosion ) |
| 467 | PHEW! |
| 468 | THIS IS GETTING RIDICULOUS, HUH? |
| 469 | OKAY. ALORS. |
| 470 | |
| 1 | WHAT AM I SITTING ON? |
| 2 | TOP OF THE WORLD? |
| 3 | DOCK OF THE BAY? |
| 4 | I'M OUT. |
| 5 | EW, UNDIES, OH! |
| 6 | Rachel: ALL RIGHT. |
| 7 | WHOSE ARE THEY? |
| 8 | WHOSE ARE THEY? |
| 9 | NOT MINE. |
| 10 | WELL, THEY'RE JOEY'S. |
| 11 | THEY GOT TO BE JOEY'S. |
| 12 | YEAH, THEY'RE MINE. |
| 13 | SEE, JOEY'S. |
| 14 | THEY'RE J-J-J-J-JOEY'S. |
| 15 | WHY ARE THEY HERE? |
| 16 | I DON'T KNOW, UH... |
| 17 | I'M JOEY. |
| 18 | YEAH, I'M DISGUSTING. |
| 19 | I TAKE MY UNDERWEAR OFF IN OTHER PEOPLE'S HOMES. |
| 20 | WELL, GET 'EM OUT OF HERE. |
| 21 | WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU? |
| 22 | YEAH. YEAH. |
| 23 | TAKE 'EM. |
| 24 | OH, I GOT... |
| 25 | JOEY, YOU CAN TOUCH THEM. |
| 26 | THEY'RE YOUR UNDERWEAR. |
| 27 | CHANDLER, A WORD? |
| 28 | YEAH. |
| 29 | THAT'S IT. |
| 30 | I'M TIRED OF COVERING FOR YOU TWO. |
| 31 | THIS HAS GOT TO STOP. |
| 32 | UGH! |
| 33 | AND TIGHTY-WHITEYS? |
| 34 | WHAT ARE YOU, EIGHT? |
| 35 | THANK YOU, JOEY. THANK YOU SO MUCH. |
| 36 | WELL, HEY, NO, YOU'RE NOT WELCOME, OKAY? |
| 37 | LOOK, I HATE THIS. |
| 38 | YOU GUYS KEEP EMBARRASSING ME. |
| 39 | YESTERDAY, RACHEL FOUND YOUR RAZOR IN OUR BATHROOM. |
| 40 | I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY |
| 41 | SO I SAID IT WAS MINE AND... AND... |
| 42 | AND THAT I WAS PLAYING A WOMAN IN A PLAY. |
| 43 | AND, WELL, ONE THING LED TO ANOTHER AND... |
| 44 | WOW, AND AROUND THE ANKLES. |
| 45 | YOU KNOW, THAT IS A TOUGH SPOT. |
| 46 | YEAH, IT WAS. |
| 47 | ALL RIGHT, LISTEN, I CAN'T... |
| 48 | ALL THIS LYING HAS BEEN HARD ON US, TOO. |
| 49 | OH, YEAH, I BET ALL THE SEX MAKES IT EASIER. |
| 50 | WELL, YEAH, ACTUALLY. |
| 51 | WE'LL TRY TO BE MORE CAREFUL, OKAY? |
| 52 | IT'S JUST THAT... |
| 53 | WE DON'T WANT EVERYONE TO KNOW |
| 54 | BECAUSE THIS IS GOING REALLY WELL. |
| 55 | AND MAYBE THE REASON |
| 56 | IT'S GOING REALLY WELL IS... IS BECAUSE IT'S A SECRET. |
| 57 | I KNOW IT SOUNDS REALLY WEIRD |
| 58 | BUT WE'RE JUST BOTH SO BAD AT RELATIONSHIPS. |
| 59 | WE ARE. HELP US. |
| 60 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 61 | BUT YOU DO IT WITH ME ONCE. |
| 62 | JOEY. |
| 63 | DIDN'T THINK SO. |
| 64 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 65 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 66 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 67 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 68 | ♪ WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY, YOUR WEEK ♪ |
| 69 | ♪ YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 70 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 71 | ♪ WHEN THE RAIN STARTS TO POUR ♪ |
| 72 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 73 | ♪ LIKE I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE ♪ |
| 74 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 75 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME, TOO. ♪ |
| 76 | HEY, PHOEBE. |
| 77 | HI, PHEEBS. |
| 78 | WHAT ARE YOU READING? |
| 79 | WUTHERING HEIGHTS. |
| 80 | I'M TAKING A LITERATURE CLASS AT THE NEW SCHOOL |
| 81 | AND I HAVE TO FINISH IT FOR THE FIRST SESSION TOMORROW. |
| 82 | I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE TAKING A CLASS. THAT'S SO COOL. |
| 83 | YEAH, WELL, I REALLY LIKED THAT LAMAZE CLASS I TOOK |
| 84 | YOU KNOW, AND I JUST THOUGHT THIS TIME |
| 85 | I'D GO FOR SOMETHING, YOU KNOW, A LITTLE MORE INTELLECTUAL |
| 86 | WITH A LESS PAINFUL FINAL EXAM. |
| 87 | HONEY, THAT SOUNDS LIKE FUN. |
| 88 | YEAH. |
| 89 | OH, YOU SHOULD COME WITH ME. |
| 90 | OH, YEAH, THEN I'LL HAVE SOMEONE TO SIT WITH. |
| 91 | OKAY. |
| 92 | YAY! OKAY. |
| 93 | BUT ARE YOU GOING TO HAVE TIME TO READ IT? |
| 94 | I READ THAT IN HIGH SCHOOL. |
| 95 | OH, THIS IS GOING TO BE SO MUCH FUN. |
| 96 | OKAY, SHH. I HAVE TO FINISH. |
| 97 | HI. |
| 98 | HI. |
| 99 | WHAT'S WRONG, BUDDY? |
| 100 | SOMEONE AT WORK ATE MY SANDWICH. |
| 101 | WELL, WHAT DID THE POLICE SAY? |
| 102 | MY THANKSGIVING LEFTOVER SANDWICH. |
| 103 | I CAN'T BELIEVE SOMEONE JUST ATE IT. |
| 104 | ROSS, IT'S JUST A SANDWICH. |
| 105 | JUST A SANDWICH? |
| 106 | LOOK, I AM 30 YEARS OLD, OKAY? |
| 107 | I'M GOING BE DIVORCED TWICE, AND I JUST GOT EVICTED. |
| 108 | THAT SANDWICH WAS THE ONLY GOOD THING GOING ON IN MY LIFE. |
| 109 | SOMEONE ATE THE ONLY GOOD THING GOING ON IN MY LIFE. |
| 110 | OKAY, LOOK, I HAVE ENOUGH STUFF |
| 111 | FOR ONE MORE SANDWICH. |
| 112 | I MEAN, I WAS GOING TO EAT IT MYSELF, BUT... |
| 113 | MON, TH-THAT WOULD BE INCREDIBLE. |
| 114 | THANK YOU SO MUCH. |
| 115 | BUT I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE SOMEONE ATE IT. |
| 116 | I MEAN, LOOK, I LEFT A NOTE AND EVERYTHING. |
| 117 | "KNOCK KNOCK. |
| 118 | "WHO'S THERE? |
| 119 | "ROSS GELLER'S LUNCH. |
| 120 | "ROSS GELLER'S LUNCH, WHO? |
| 121 | ROSS GELLER'S LUNCH, PLEASE DON'T TAKE ME, OKAY?" |
| 122 | I'M SURPRISED YOU DIDN'T GO HOME WEARING YOUR LUNCH. |
| 123 | Phoebe: OKAY, LOOK |
| 124 | YOU WANT TO HOLD ON TO YOUR FOOD? |
| 125 | YOU'VE GOT TO SCARE PEOPLE OFF. |
| 126 | I LEARNED THAT LIVING ON THE STREET. |
| 127 | REALLY? |
| 128 | SO, WHAT WOULD YOU SAY, PHEEBS? |
| 129 | STUFF LIKE, UH, "KEEP YOUR MITTS OFF MY GRUB"? |
| 130 | SAY, ROSS, WHEN YOU PICTURE PHOEBE LIVING ON THE STREET |
| 131 | IS SHE SURROUNDED BY THE ENTIRE CAST OF ANNIE? |
| 132 | OKAY, THIS'LL KEEP THEM AWAY FROM YOUR STUFF. |
| 133 | OH. WHOA. JEEZ. |
| 134 | WHOA. |
| 135 | PHOEBE, YOU ARE A BADASS. |
| 136 | SOMEDAY, I'LL TELL YOU ABOUT THE TIME I STABBED A COP. |
| 137 | PHOEBE? |
| 138 | WHAT? HE STABBED ME FIRST. |
| 139 | SEE, THE BRONTE SISTERS WERE REALLY REMARKABLE WOMEN |
| 140 | FOR THEIR TIME. |
| 141 | THEY LIVED IN A PATRIARCHAL SOCIETY... |
| 142 | SORRY I'M LATE, BUT I LEFT LATE. |
| 143 | OKAY. |
| 144 | PHEEBS, WHAT IS THE BOOK ABOUT? |
| 145 | YOU SAID YOU READ IT IN HIGH SCHOOL. |
| 146 | YEAH, BUT I REMEMBERED I STARTED IT |
| 147 | BUT THEN THERE WAS THIS PEP RALLY |
| 148 | AND I WAS ON TOP OF THE PYRAMID. |
| 149 | ANYWAY, WHAT'S THIS BOOK ABOUT? |
| 150 | OKAY, IT'S THIS TRAGIC LOVE STORY |
| 151 | BETWEEN CATHY AND HEATHCLIFF. |
| 152 | AND IT TAKES PLACE ON THESE REALLY CREEPY MOORS IN ENGLAND. |
| 153 | WHICH I THINK REPRESENT THE WILDNESS |
| 154 | OF HEATHCLIFF'S CHARACTER. |
| 155 | I TOTALLY GET SYMBOLISM. |
| 156 | HOW WOULD YOU CHARACTERIZE THE THEME OF THIS BOOK? |
| 157 | UH, LET'S SEE... RACHEL GREEN? |
| 158 | UH, WELL, I WOULD HAVE TO SAY |
| 159 | THAT IT'S A TRAGIC LOVE STORY. |
| 160 | WELL, THAT'S SORT OF A GIVEN, BUT... YES. |
| 161 | ANYONE ELSE? |
| 162 | OH, OH, OH. |
| 163 | SYMBOLISM, AND THE, UH... |
| 164 | WILDNESS OF THE MOORS |
| 165 | WHICH I THINK IS MIRRORED IN THE WILDNESS |
| 166 | OF HEATHCLIFF'S CHARACTER. |
| 167 | EXCELLENT. |
| 168 | WHAT RACHEL HAS SHREWDLY OBSERVED HERE |
| 169 | IS AT THE HEART... |
| 170 | I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU STOLE MY ANSWER. |
| 171 | I THOUGHT IT WAS PRETTY OBVIOUS. |
| 172 | HOW WOULD YOU KNOW? |
| 173 | YOU DIDN'T EVEN READ IT. |
| 174 | WHAT DO YOU THINK? |
| 175 | UH, YOU, IN THE BLUE SHIRT. |
| 176 | I THINK THAT YOURS IS A QUESTION |
| 177 | WITH MANY POSSIBLE ANSWERS. |
| 178 | WOULD YOU CARE TO VENTURE ONE? |
| 179 | WOULD YOU CARE TO VENTURE ONE? |
| 180 | ARE YOU JUST REPEATING WHAT I'M SAYING? |
| 181 | ARE YOU JUST REPEATING WHAT I'M SAYING? |
| 182 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 183 | LET'S MOVE ON. |
| 184 | OKAY, THEN. |
| 185 | WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST SAY THAT YOU HADN'T READ THE BOOK? |
| 186 | BECAUSE I DIDN'T WANT HIM |
| 187 | TO THINK I WAS STUPID. |
| 188 | I MEAN, THAT WAS REALLY EMBARRASSING |
| 189 | WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU. |
| 190 | PHOEBE? |
| 191 | YEAH? |
| 192 | PHOEBE, YOUR NOTE... AMAZING. |
| 193 | NOT ONLY DID NO ONE TOUCH MY SANDWICH |
| 194 | BUT PEOPLE AT WORK ARE ACTUALLY AFRAID OF ME. |
| 195 | A GUY CALLED ME "MENTAL." |
| 196 | "MENTAL" GELLER. YEAH. |
| 197 | I'VE ALWAYS WANTED A COOL NICKNAME LIKE THAT. |
| 198 | YEAH, THE BEST YOU GOT IN HIGH SCHOOL |
| 199 | WAS "WET PANTS GELLER." |
| 200 | IT WAS THE WATER FOUNTAIN, OKAY?! |
| 201 | ANYWAY... |
| 202 | PEOPLE ARE WRITING REPORTS FOR ME. |
| 203 | UH, PUSHING BACK DEADLINES TO FIT MY SCHEDULE. |
| 204 | I'M TELLING YOU, YOU GET TOUGH WITH PEOPLE |
| 205 | AND YOU CAN GET ANYTHING YOU WANT. |
| 206 | HEY, TRIBBIANI, GIVE ME THAT COFFEE, NOW. |
| 207 | THIS WAS REALLY FUN. |
| 208 | I'VE BEEN WONDERING IF YOU WERE EVER GOING TO ASK ME OUT. |
| 209 | SO YOU, UH, STILL WONDERING? |
| 210 | NO. |
| 211 | WE JUST WENT OUT. |
| 212 | YOU'RE SMART. |
| 213 | I LIKE THAT. |
| 214 | OH, CANDLES. |
| 215 | WHAT IS THAT, A BLANKET? |
| 216 | A VIDEO CAMERA? |
| 217 | OH, MY GOD! |
| 218 | I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU THOUGHT |
| 219 | YOU WERE GOING TO VIDEOTAPE US HAVING SEX ON THE FIRST DATE. |
| 220 | HI. |
| 221 | JOEY, IS WHAT SHE JUST SAID, UM... |
| 222 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 223 | YOU WERE ACTUALLY GOING TO... |
| 224 | WHAT IS GOING ON HERE? |
| 225 | AND WITH CHANDLER IN THE NEXT ROOM? |
| 226 | WHAT, ARE YOU SICK? |
| 227 | I'M JOEY. |
| 228 | I MEAN, I'M DISGUSTING. |
| 229 | I MAKE LOW-BUDGET ADULT FILMS. |
| 230 | HUH. |
| 231 | YOU GUYS PROMISED |
| 232 | YOU'D BE MORE CAREFUL. |
| 233 | I MEAN, COME ON, THE GOOD JOEY NAME |
| 234 | IS BEING DRAGGED THROUGH THE MUD HERE. |
| 235 | WE'RE SO SORRY. |
| 236 | YEAH. |
| 237 | WELL, I'M TELLING EVERYONE ABOUT YOU. |
| 238 | IT'S THE ONLY WAY |
| 239 | TO EXPLAIN THE UNDERWEAR, AND THE VIDEO CAMERA |
| 240 | THAT DOESN'T MAKE ME LOOK LIKE A PIG. |
| 241 | NO, WAIT. THERE'S GOT TO BE A BETTER EXPLANATION. |
| 242 | YOU... YOU COULD TELL THEM |
| 243 | THAT YOU HAD TO MAKE AN ADULT FILM |
| 244 | FOR YOUR... ADULT FILM CLASS. |
| 245 | YEAH, I LIKE THAT. |
| 246 | BUT, NO, HOW DOES THAT EXPLAIN |
| 247 | WHY RACHEL FOUND MY UNDERWEAR AT YOUR PLACE? |
| 248 | I DON'T KNOW. |
| 249 | WELL, GET READY TO COME OUT OF THE NON-GAY CLOSET. |
| 250 | JUST WAIT, PLEASE-- |
| 251 | I PROMISE WE'LL COME UP WITH SOMETHING. |
| 252 | JUST GIVE US A LITTLE MORE TIME. |
| 253 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 254 | HEY, BUT IT BETTER MAKE ME LOOK REALLY, REALLY GOOD. |
| 255 | OH, AND ANOTHER THING. |
| 256 | THE VIDEO CAMERA? |
| 257 | NICE. |
| 258 | UM, ROSS, MAY I HAVE A WORD WITH YOU? |
| 259 | OH, OF COURSE, DONALD. |
| 260 | WE'VE BEEN GETTING REPORTS |
| 261 | OF SOME VERY ANGRY BEHAVIOR ON YOUR PART. |
| 262 | WHAT? |
| 263 | THREATENING LETTERS |
| 264 | REFUSAL TO MEET DEADLINES. |
| 265 | APPARENTLY PEOPLE NOW CALL YOU "MENTAL." |
| 266 | YEAH. |
| 267 | WE WANT YOU TO SPEAK TO A PSYCHIATRIST. |
| 268 | OH, NO, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. |
| 269 | UH, THIS IS SO SILLY. |
| 270 | UM, THIS IS ALL JUST BECAUSE OF A SANDWICH. |
| 271 | A SANDWICH? |
| 272 | YOU SEE, MY... |
| 273 | MY SISTER MAKES THESE AMAZING TURKEY SANDWICHES. |
| 274 | HER SECRET IS, SHE PUTS AN EXTRA SLICE |
| 275 | OF GRAVY-SOAKED BREAD IN THE MIDDLE. |
| 276 | I CALL IT THE "MOIST-MAKER." |
| 277 | ANYWAY, I-I PUT MY SANDWICH |
| 278 | IN THE FRIDGE OVER HERE, AND... |
| 279 | ( chuckling ): YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 280 | I-I-I'M SORRY. |
| 281 | I-I-I BELIEVE I ATE THAT. |
| 282 | YOU ATE MY SANDWICH? |
| 283 | IT WAS A SIMPLE MISTAKE. |
| 284 | IT COULD HAPPEN TO ANYONE. |
| 285 | OH, OH, REALLY? |
| 286 | DID YOU CONFUSE IT WITH YOUR OWN TURKEY SANDWICH |
| 287 | WITH A MOIST-MAKER? |
| 288 | NO, I... |
| 289 | DO YOU PERHAPS REMEMBER SEEING |
| 290 | A NOTE ON TOP OF IT? |
| 291 | THERE MAY HAVE BEEN A JOKE |
| 292 | OR... LIMERICK OF SOME KIND... |
| 293 | THAT SAID IT WAS MY SANDWICH. |
| 294 | NOW, NOW, CALM DOWN. |
| 295 | COME LOOK IN MY OFFICE. |
| 296 | SOME OF IT MAY STILL BE IN THE TRASH. |
| 297 | WHAT? |
| 298 | WELL, IT WAS QUITE LARGE. |
| 299 | I HAD TO THROW MOST OF IT AWAY. |
| 300 | YOU, YOU, YOU... |
| 301 | YOU THREW MY SANDWICH AWAY? |
| 302 | MY SANDWICH? |
| 303 | ( yelling ): MY SANDWICH?! |
| 304 | HI. |
| 305 | HI. |
| 306 | SO, UM WHAT'S THIS BOOK ABOUT? |
| 307 | YOU DIDN'T READ THIS ONE EITHER? |
| 308 | WELL, I WAS GOING TO |
| 309 | BUT I ACCIDENTALLY READ SOMETHING ELSE. |
| 310 | WHAT? |
| 311 | VOGUE. |
| 312 | OKAY, SO TELL ME ABOUT THIS JANE EYRE WOMAN. |
| 313 | NO, YOU SHOULD HAVE READ IT YOURSELF. |
| 314 | OH, COME ON, PHOEBE |
| 315 | DON'T BE SUCH A GOODY-GOODY. |
| 316 | FINE. |
| 317 | OKAY, ALL RIGHT. |
| 318 | SO, JANE EYRE? |
| 319 | FIRST OF ALL, YOU'D THINK SHE'S A WOMAN |
| 320 | BUT SHE'S NOT. |
| 321 | SHE'S A CYBORG. |
| 322 | A CYBORG? |
| 323 | ISN'T THAT LIKE A ROBOT? |
| 324 | YEAH. THIS BOOK WAS LIGHT YEARS AHEAD OF ITS TIME. |
| 325 | SORRY, I'M LATE. |
| 326 | LET'S GET STARTED. |
| 327 | SO, WHAT DID EVERYBODY THINK OF JANE EYRE? |
| 328 | UM, RACHEL AND I WERE JUST DISCUSSING IT |
| 329 | AND SHE ACTUALLY HAD SOME VERY INTERESTING INSIGHTS. |
| 330 | WELL, GO AHEAD, RACHEL. |
| 331 | UM, THANK YOU, PHOEBE. |
| 332 | UM, WELL, WHAT STRUCK ME MOST |
| 333 | WHEN READING JANE EYRE WAS |
| 334 | UH, HOW THE BOOK WAS SO AHEAD OF ITS TIME. |
| 335 | IF YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT FEMINISM, I THINK YOU'RE RIGHT. |
| 336 | YEAH, WELL, FEMINISM, YES. |
| 337 | BUT ALSO, THE ROBOTS. |
| 338 | HEY. |
| 339 | HEY. |
| 340 | SO, UM, SINCE THAT VIDEO CAMERA THING DIDN'T WORK OUT... |
| 341 | UM, I THOUGHT THAT I WOULD GIVE YOU JUST A LITTLE PREVIEW. |
| 342 | ( gasps ) |
| 343 | YOU'RE NAKED IN THIS PICTURE. |
| 344 | I KNOW. |
| 345 | OH, THAT'S ROSS. |
| 346 | ROSS? |
| 347 | HEY, CHANDLER. |
| 348 | MONICA? |
| 349 | ROSS, ARE YOU OKAY? |
| 350 | I'M FINE. |
| 351 | I SAW A PSYCHIATRIST AT WORK TODAY. |
| 352 | WHY? |
| 353 | ON ACCOUNT OF MY RAGE. |
| 354 | WHICH, IF I MAY SAY RIGHT NOW, IS OUT OF CONTROL. |
| 355 | HE GAVE ME A PILL FOR IT. |
| 356 | A PILL? |
| 357 | MM-HMM. |
| 358 | WELL, WHEN THE PSYCHIATRIST TOLD ME |
| 359 | THAT I HAD TO TAKE A LEAVE OF ABSENCE |
| 360 | BECAUSE I YELLED AT MY BOSS |
| 361 | I STARTED TO GET WORKED UP AGAIN. |
| 362 | SO, HE OFFERED ME A TRANQUILIZER |
| 363 | AND I THOUGHT IT WAS A GOOD IDEA |
| 364 | SO I TOOK IT. |
| 365 | WAIT A MINUTE. |
| 366 | THEY'RE MAKING YOU TAKE TIME OFF WORK? |
| 367 | AND YOU'RE OKAY WITH THAT? |
| 368 | I DON'T KNOW. |
| 369 | IT'S GOING TO BE WEIRD NOT HAVING A JOB FOR AWHILE |
| 370 | BUT I... I DEFINITELY DON'T CARE ABOUT MY SANDWICH. |
| 371 | ( chuckling ) |
| 372 | UH, IT WAS JUST SO EMBARRASSING |
| 373 | I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU LET ME GO ON AND ON LIKE THAT. |
| 374 | I'M SORRY. |
| 375 | IT WAS JUST SO FUNNY |
| 376 | WHEN YOU STARTED COMPARING JANE EYRE TO ROBOCOP. |
| 377 | THAT WAS NOT FUNNY. |
| 378 | WELL, I SNAPPED, OKAY? |
| 379 | YOU WEREN'T TAKING THE CLASS SERIOUSLY. |
| 380 | PHOEBE, COME ON, WHAT IS THE BIG DEAL? |
| 381 | I THOUGHT THIS WAS GOING TO BE SOMETHING WE COULD DO TOGETHER. |
| 382 | YOU KNOW, I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE FUN. |
| 383 | WELL, YEAH, FUN IS GOOD |
| 384 | BUT, YOU KNOW, I ALSO WANTED TO LEARN. |
| 385 | YOU KNOW, PEOPLE ARE ALWAYS |
| 386 | TALKING ABOUT WHAT THEY LEARNED IN HIGH SCHOOL |
| 387 | AND I NEVER WENT TO HIGH SCHOOL. |
| 388 | OH. |
| 389 | OH, SO YOU REALLY WANTED TO LEARN? |
| 390 | YEAH, YOU KNOW, PHEEBS, I JUST WANTED TO HAVE FUN. |
| 391 | YOU KNOW WHO YOU SHOULD GO WITH? |
| 392 | I KNOW! I KNOW! I KNOW! |
| 393 | MONICA, YOU ASKED THE QUESTION. |
| 394 | OH, YEAH. |
| 395 | ( gasps ) |
| 396 | ( gasps ) |
| 397 | AH, OH MY GOD! THAT'S MONICA! |
| 398 | OH, NO, NO. |
| 399 | NO, NO, NO, NO. |
| 400 | YOU GET AWAY FROM ME, YOU SICK, SICK, SICKO. |
| 401 | WHAT'S GOING ON? |
| 402 | JOEY HAS GOT A SECRET PEEPHOLE. |
| 403 | OH, NO, NO, NO. |
| 404 | YES. HE HAS A NAKED PICTURE OF MONICA. |
| 405 | HE TAKES NAKED PICTURES OF US. |
| 406 | THEN HE EATS CHICKEN AND THEN HE LOOKS AT THEM. |
| 407 | LOOK. |
| 408 | DUDE, THAT'S MY SISTER. |
| 409 | GIVE ME THAT. |
| 410 | ALL RIGHT, WAIT, JUST WAIT. |
| 411 | EVERYBODY JUST CALM DOWN, OKAY? |
| 412 | LET'S GIVE OUR FRIEND JOEY A CHANCE TO EXPLAIN |
| 413 | WHY HE'S SUCH A BIG PERVERT. |
| 414 | NO, I AM NOT A PERVERT, OKAY? |
| 415 | IT'S JUST, I JUST KIND OF... |
| 416 | OH LOOK, LOOK, I THINK I CAN EXPLAIN THIS. |
| 417 | THANK YOU. |
| 418 | JOEY'S A SEX ADDICT. |
| 419 | WHAT?! NO, I'M NOT. |
| 420 | IT'S OKAY. IT'S GOOD. |
| 421 | IT'S A DISEASE. |
| 422 | NO, NO, I AM NOT A SEX ADDICT. |
| 423 | YES, YOU ARE. |
| 424 | THAT'S THE ONLY WAY TO EXPLAIN |
| 425 | ALL THIS STUFF. |
| 426 | NO, IT ISN'T. NO, IT'S NOT. |
| 427 | BECAUSE YOU COULD ALSO EXPLAIN IT WITH THE TRUTH. |
| 428 | Rachel: WELL, WHAT IS THE TRUTH? |
| 429 | YEAH. |
| 430 | YEAH, WHAT'S GOING ON? |
| 431 | I SLEPT WITH MONICA. |
| 432 | WELL, LET'S... |
| 433 | LET'S SEE WHAT EVERYBODY THINKS OF THAT. |
| 434 | OH, NO. |
| 435 | YOU SLEPT WITH MY SISTER? |
| 436 | UH, YES... BUT IT WAS... |
| 437 | WE JUST DID IT ONCE... IN LONDON. |
| 438 | THIS IS NOT GOOD FOR MY RAGE. |
| 439 | MONICA, IS THIS TRUE? |
| 440 | OF COURSE IT'S TRUE. |
| 441 | HOW ELSE WOULD YOU EXPLAIN ALL THE WEIRD STUFF |
| 442 | THAT'S BEEN GOING ON? |
| 443 | YES, IT'S TRUE. |
| 444 | Rachel: IF IT ONLY HAPPENED |
| 445 | THAT ONE TIME, HOW COME WE FOUND |
| 446 | YOUR UNDERWEAR IN OUR APARTMENT THE OTHER DAY? |
| 447 | UH... OY. |
| 448 | THAT WAS THE UNDERWEAR |
| 449 | I WAS WEARING THAT NIGHT IN LONDON. |
| 450 | RIGHT, MONICA? |
| 451 | I GUESS I WANTED TO KEEP IT... |
| 452 | AS A SOUVENIR. |
| 453 | MY GOD, MONICA. |
| 454 | ARE YOU SURE, JOE? |
| 455 | ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE NOT JUST A SEX ADDICT? |
| 456 | NO, AND IF ANYONE'S |
| 457 | A SEX ADDICT HERE, IT'S MONICA. |
| 458 | YEAH, YEAH. |
| 459 | SHE HAS BEEN TRYING TO GET ME BACK IN THE SACK |
| 460 | EVER SINCE LONDON. |
| 461 | SO THAT'S WHY SHE GAVE YOU |
| 462 | A NAKED PICTURE OF HERSELF. |
| 463 | THAT MAKES SENSE. |
| 464 | AND THE VIDEO CAMERA? |
| 465 | UH, MONICA? |
| 466 | I GUESS I SET UP THE VIDEO CAMERA |
| 467 | TO TRY AND ENTICE JOEY. |
| 468 | BUT, SADLY, I COULD NOT BE ENTICED. |
| 469 | THIS IS UNBELIEVABLE. |
| 470 | I MEAN, YOU REALLY KEPT JOEY'S UNDERWEAR? |
| 471 | WHY? |
| 472 | WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT? |
| 473 | I'M MONICA. |
| 474 | I'M DISGUSTING. |
| 475 | I STALK GUYS AND KEEP THEIR UNDERPANTS. |
| 476 | WELL, I THINK WE'VE ALL LEARNED SOMETHING |
| 477 | ABOUT WHO'S DISGUSTING AND WHO'S NOT. |
| 478 | HUH? |
| 479 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 480 | I'M GOING TO GET BACK TO MY BUCKET. |
| 481 | I'M ONLY EATING THE SKIN |
| 482 | SO THE CHICKEN'S UP FOR GRABS. |
| 483 | YOU WERE MAKING |
| 484 | A GOOD POINT UNTIL YOU GOT CUT OFF. |
| 485 | I KNOW. WHAT'S UP WITH THAT GIRL MONICA? |
| 486 | I DON'T KNOW. I DIDN'T COME WITH HER. |
| 487 | HEY, EVERYBODY. |
| 488 | EVERYBODY, GUESS WHAT? |
| 489 | I JUST CONVINCED CARL TO GIVE US A TEST NEXT WEEK. |
| 490 | A TEST?! |
| 491 | OH, COME ON, TESTS MAKE US ALL BETTER LEARNERS. |
| 492 | OH, YEAH! WE SHOULD HAVE ESSAY QUESTIONS! |
| 493 | [Captioned by The Caption Center WGBH Educational Foundation] |
| 494 | |
| 1 | WHAT ARE YOU DOING? |
| 2 | I REORGANIZED THE FRIDGE. |
| 3 | SEE? BOTTOM SHELF: MEATS AND DAIRY. |
| 4 | MIDDLE SHELF: FRUITS AND VEGETABLES |
| 5 | AND TOP SHELF: EXPIRED PRODUCTS. |
| 6 | WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS? |
| 7 | BECAUSE I AM BORED OUT OF MY MIND. |
| 8 | I'VE ALREADY BEEN TO THE BANK |
| 9 | THE POST OFFICE AND THE DRY CLEANERS. |
| 10 | DUDE, YOU JUST DESCRIBED SEVEN DAYS' WORTH OF STUFF. |
| 11 | YOU GOT TO SPREAD IT OUT A LITTLE, YOU KNOW? |
| 12 | HAVEN'T YOU EVER BEEN UNEMPLOYED? |
| 13 | HEY, I AM NOT UNEMPLOYED. |
| 14 | I'M ON SABBATICAL. |
| 15 | HEY, DON'T GET RELIGIOUS ON ME, OKAY? |
| 16 | A GUY IN YOUR POSITION |
| 17 | NEEDS TO BE A LITTLE BETTER AT RELAXING |
| 18 | YOU KNOW? |
| 19 | WHY DO YOU THINK WE HAVE |
| 20 | THE COMFORTABLE CHAIRS, HUH? |
| 21 | COME HERE. SIT DOWN. |
| 22 | READY? |
| 23 | WATCH. |
| 24 | AH! |
| 25 | AND THEN... |
| 26 | OH, YEAH! HUH? |
| 27 | SO WHAT? WE JUST SIT? |
| 28 | OH, NO, NO. |
| 29 | WE'RE NOT GOING TO JUST SIT. |
| 30 | WATCH. |
| 31 | ( beeps ) |
| 32 | ( phone ringing ) |
| 33 | Hello. Chandler Bing. |
| 34 | ( high voice ): HELLO, MR. BING. |
| 35 | I LOVE YOU. |
| 36 | Whoever this is, stop calling me. |
| 37 | It's been six months. |
| 38 | It's not funny. |
| 39 | BUT I LOVE YOU. |
| 40 | Leave me alone. |
| 41 | For the love of God, leave me alone! |
| 42 | AND THAT'S WEDNESDAY. AHH. |
| 43 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 44 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 45 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 46 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 47 | ♪ WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY, YOUR WEEK ♪ |
| 48 | ♪ YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 49 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 50 | ♪ WHEN THE RAIN STARTS TO POUR ♪ |
| 51 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 52 | ♪ LIKE I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE ♪ |
| 53 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 54 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME, TOO. ♪ |
| 55 | HEY, YOU GUYS, GUESS WHAT. |
| 56 | ( bell clanging ) |
| 57 | THE BRITISH ARE COMING? |
| 58 | OH, YOU AND YOUR WAYS. |
| 59 | SINCE IT'S CHRISTMASTIME, I'M GOING TO BE |
| 60 | ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE COLLECTING DONATIONS. |
| 61 | YEAH. I ALREADY HAVE MY BELL |
| 62 | AND LATER ON, I GET MY BUCKET. |
| 63 | YEAH. YEAH. |
| 64 | I'M GOING TO BE OUT THERE SPREADING JOY TO THE PEOPLE. |
| 65 | I MEAN, LAST YEAR, I SPREAD A LITTLE JOY |
| 66 | BUT NOT REALLY ENOUGH |
| 67 | SO THIS YEAR, I'M GOING TO DO THE WHOLE CITY. |
| 68 | YOU KNOW, I KNEW A GIRL IN HIGH SCHOOL |
| 69 | THAT DID THAT. |
| 70 | SHE WAS VERY POPULAR. |
| 71 | SO, PHEEBS, WHERE ARE YOU DOING ALL YOUR BELL RINGING? |
| 72 | THEY GAVE ME A GREAT SPOT RIGHT BY MACY'S. |
| 73 | YEAH, THEY HARDLY EVER GIVE SUCH A GOOD CORNER TO A ROOKIE |
| 74 | BUT I'M THE ONLY ONE |
| 75 | WHO CAN SAY "MERRY CHRISTMAS" IN 25 LANGUAGES. |
| 76 | I LIED. |
| 77 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 78 | OKAY, YOU GUYS, HERE'S DANNY. WATCH. |
| 79 | JUST WATCH THIS. |
| 80 | SEE? |
| 81 | STILL PRETENDING HE'S NOT INTERESTED. |
| 82 | OKAY, HE'S COMING OVER. |
| 83 | JUST PRETEND LIKE WE DON'T KNOW HIM. |
| 84 | WE'VE FORGOTTEN WHO HE IS. |
| 85 | HEY, GUYS. |
| 86 | All: HEY, DANNY. |
| 87 | OH, DANNY, HEY. |
| 88 | WHEN DID YOU GET HERE? |
| 89 | OH, GOD. |
| 90 | DANNY, YOU KNOW RACHEL. |
| 91 | SHE'S NICE. |
| 92 | SHE'S NOT BAD TO LOOK AT, RIGHT? |
| 93 | THANKS, MON. |
| 94 | WELL, OF COURSE. |
| 95 | DO YOU WANT TO GO OUT ON A DATE WITH HER? |
| 96 | MONICA! |
| 97 | ABSOLUTELY. |
| 98 | IS FRIDAY OKAY? |
| 99 | FRIDAY IS PERFECT. SHE CAN'T WAIT. |
| 100 | ON THE DATE, I WILL BE ABLE |
| 101 | TO TALK TO HER DIRECTLY, RIGHT? |
| 102 | OKAY, WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT? |
| 103 | YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 104 | DON'T ANSWER ME. |
| 105 | I HAVE A DATE WITH DANNY. |
| 106 | HOW COULD I NOT GET THE PART? |
| 107 | THE PLAY WAS ABOUT A 29-YEAR-OLD |
| 108 | ITALIAN ACTOR FROM QUEENS. |
| 109 | WELL, TALIA SHIRE SUDDENLY BECAME AVAILABLE. |
| 110 | SHE'S A WOMAN. |
| 111 | WHAT CAN I SAY? |
| 112 | SHE NAILED IT. |
| 113 | OKAY. IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE? |
| 114 | WELL, YOU'RE JUST GOING TO SAY NO AGAIN |
| 115 | BUT GAY PORN? |
| 116 | HAPPY HOLIDAYS! |
| 117 | FELIZ NAVIDAD! |
| 118 | ALLO AND MERRY CHRISTMAS. |
| 119 | OH, THANK YOU, SIR. |
| 120 | HERE'S SOME JOY. |
| 121 | PHOEBE! HEY! |
| 122 | I JUST WANTED TO SEE HOW IT'S GOING. |
| 123 | WELL, IT'S GOING OKAY. |
| 124 | WELL, GOOD. HERE, LET ME HELP YOU OUT. |
| 125 | OH, THANKS. YEAH. |
| 126 | WOW. |
| 127 | IS THAT A NEW SUEDE JACKET? |
| 128 | IT LOOKS REALLY EXPENSIVE. |
| 129 | YEAH... I GUESS. |
| 130 | JUST GET YOUR NAILS DONE? |
| 131 | YES, PHOEBE, BUT THIS IS ALL I HAVE, OKAY? |
| 132 | OKAY. THANKS. |
| 133 | HAPPY HOLIDAYS. |
| 134 | HERE'S YOUR JOY. |
| 135 | THANK YOU. |
| 136 | THANK YOU. |
| 137 | HAPPY HOLIDAYS. |
| 138 | WAIT. YOU CAN'T TAKE THE MONEY OUT. |
| 139 | I'M MAKING CHANGE. |
| 140 | I NEED CHANGE FOR THE BUS. |
| 141 | BUT CAN'T YOU LEAVE THE DOLLAR? |
| 142 | THIS MONEY'S FOR THE POOR. |
| 143 | I'M POOR. I GOT TO TAKE THE BUS. |
| 144 | OKAY. SEASON'S GREETINGS AND EVERYTHING, BUT STILL... |
| 145 | BITE ME, BLONDIE. |
| 146 | OH! |
| 147 | WOW. |
| 148 | OH, I'M GOING TO GIVE HIM SOMETHING BESIDES JOY. |
| 149 | JUST... |
| 150 | THAT PART WAS PERFECT FOR ME. |
| 151 | I CAN'T BELIEVE I DIDN'T GET IT. |
| 152 | I'M SORRY, MAN. |
| 153 | YOU KNOW WHAT YOU SHOULD DO? |
| 154 | YOU SHOULD MAKE SOMETHING HAPPEN FOR YOURSELF, YOU KNOW? |
| 155 | LIKE, LIKE WRITE A PLAY. |
| 156 | WRITE A MOVIE, HUH? |
| 157 | WHAT ABOUT THOSE GOOD WILL HUNTING GUYS? |
| 158 | COME ON, ROSS |
| 159 | BE REALISTIC, YOU KNOW? |
| 160 | IF I DID WRITE SOMETHING |
| 161 | WHAT ARE THE CHANCES I COULD GET THOSE GUYS TO STAR IN IT? |
| 162 | WAIT A SECOND. |
| 163 | I COULD STAR IN IT. |
| 164 | OR THAT. |
| 165 | I CAN'T WRITE, YOU KNOW. |
| 166 | I'M AN ACTOR. |
| 167 | I DON'T HAVE THE DISCIPLINE THAT IT TAKES, YOU KNOW? |
| 168 | I CAN'T DO IT. |
| 169 | I'LL HELP YOU. |
| 170 | YEAH. I'LL MAKE UP A SCHEDULE |
| 171 | AND MAKE SURE YOU STICK TO IT. |
| 172 | PLUS IT WILL GIVE ME SOMETHING TO DO. |
| 173 | YOU'D DO THAT FOR ME? |
| 174 | YEAH. |
| 175 | THANKS. |
| 176 | ALL RIGHT. WE'LL START OFF SLOW. |
| 177 | THE ONLY THING YOU HAVE TO DO TONIGHT |
| 178 | IS COME UP WITH THE NAME OF YOUR MAIN CHARACTER. |
| 179 | DONE. |
| 180 | AND IT CAN'T BE JOEY. |
| 181 | IT'S NOT. |
| 182 | OR JOSEPH. |
| 183 | OH. |
| 184 | HI. |
| 185 | WHAT'S UP? |
| 186 | I JUST SAW DANNY GETTING ON THE SUBWAY WITH A GIRL |
| 187 | AND HE HAD HIS ARM AROUND HER. |
| 188 | I'M SORRY. |
| 189 | WELL, YOU SHOULD BE. |
| 190 | THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT. |
| 191 | YOU MEDDLED IN OUR RELATIONSHIP. |
| 192 | YOU HAD NO RELATIONSHIP. |
| 193 | NO, BUT I WAS DOING MY THING |
| 194 | AND EVERYTHING WAS GOING ACCORDING TO THE PLAN. |
| 195 | OH, GOD, STOP WITH THE PLAN. |
| 196 | SO WHAT? SO WHAT IF YOU SAW HIM WITH A GIRL. |
| 197 | WHO CARES? IT DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING. |
| 198 | LOOK, YOU'RE GOING |
| 199 | TO GO OUT ON A DATE WITH DANNY |
| 200 | AND YOU'RE GOING TO BE SO CHARMING |
| 201 | HE'S GOING TO FORGET ABOUT THAT STUPID SUBWAY GIRL. |
| 202 | SHE WAS KIND OF STUPID. |
| 203 | YOU'RE RIGHT. |
| 204 | ALL RIGHT. I'M JUST GOING TO GO ON THE DATE. |
| 205 | I'M JUST GOING TO GO ON THE DATE. |
| 206 | THAT IS THE NEW PLAN. |
| 207 | HURRY! HURRY! |
| 208 | HEY, HOW DO YOU SPELL SUSPICIOUS? |
| 209 | WHY? |
| 210 | BECAUSE I THINK THIS CHARACTER IS GOING |
| 211 | TO BE SUSPICIOUS ABOUT STUFF. |
| 212 | YES! |
| 213 | CHANDLER BING, SEVEN, CHANDLER BING, ZERO. |
| 214 | YOU'RE DRIVING ME CRAZY WITH THAT. |
| 215 | OKAY. I'LL STOP. |
| 216 | DON'T STOP. |
| 217 | MOVE THE BALL FURTHER AWAY. |
| 218 | ROSS COULD MAKE THAT SHOT. |
| 219 | WELL, YOU SUCK, BUT AT LEAST YOU SUCK AT A MAN'S GAME NOW. |
| 220 | YOU WANT TO PLAY? |
| 221 | CHANDLER, I CAN'T BE PLAYING GAMES. |
| 222 | ROSS IS GOING TO BE HOME SOON |
| 223 | AND I HAVE TO WRITE FIVE WHOLE PAGES |
| 224 | IF I'M GOING TO STICK TO HIS SCHEDULE. |
| 225 | PLAY FOR THE NEXT 30 MINUTES |
| 226 | AND YOU CAN WRITE UNTIL HE GETS HOME. |
| 227 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 228 | BUT LISTEN, WHAT DO YOU SAY |
| 229 | WE CRANK IT UP A NOTCH? |
| 230 | I'M INTRIGUED. |
| 231 | ALL RIGHT. ALL WE NEED IS A LITTLE LIGHTER FLUID. |
| 232 | OKAY, BUT BE CAREFUL, OKAY? |
| 233 | BECAUSE I WANT TO GET |
| 234 | OUR SECURITY DEPOSIT BACK. |
| 235 | YEAH, I THINK WE SAID GOOD-BYE TO THAT |
| 236 | WHEN WE INVENTED HAMMER DARTS. |
| 237 | YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT. |
| 238 | DO YOU REMEMBER WHICH PART IS NOT SPACKLED? |
| 239 | YEAH, RIGHT HERE. |
| 240 | OH, THANK YOU. |
| 241 | HAPPY HOLIDAYS. |
| 242 | NO, THAT'S TRASH, YOUNG LADY. |
| 243 | NO. YOU CAN'T... |
| 244 | HEY, STOP THAT YOUNG LADY! |
| 245 | SHE DONATED TRASH! |
| 246 | HEY! |
| 247 | THE CHARITY'S ON FIRE! |
| 248 | HELP! OH, GOOD. |
| 249 | THANK YOU. I NEED THAT. |
| 250 | WOO! WHAT IS THIS? |
| 251 | IT'S 9:00 IN THE MORNING. |
| 252 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 253 | "A ROOM. |
| 254 | "A MAN ENTERS. |
| 255 | HE LOOKS SUSPICIOUS." |
| 256 | THAT'S IT? |
| 257 | JOEY, YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO HAVE FIVE PAGES DONE BY NOW |
| 258 | INCLUDING AN EXCITING INCIDENT. |
| 259 | WHAT IS ALL THIS? |
| 260 | "THE OFFICIAL RULE BOOK OF FIREBALL." |
| 261 | YEAH, THAT'S THE GAME WE WERE PLAYING. |
| 262 | OH, YEAH, GREAT. SEE, YOU TAKE A TENNIS BALL |
| 263 | A BOWL AND LIGHTER FLUID... |
| 264 | OOPS. |
| 265 | THIS IS HELPING YOUR CAREER? |
| 266 | I THOUGHT YOU WANTED TO BE AN ACTOR. |
| 267 | NOT THE CREATOR OF "CRAZY LAWSUIT GAME." |
| 268 | YOU'RE RIGHT. YOU'RE RIGHT. |
| 269 | I'LL GET BACK TO WORK. |
| 270 | AND SHAME ON YOU. |
| 271 | YOU SHOULD KNOW BETTER. |
| 272 | JOEY NEEDS TO WORK. |
| 273 | NOW, COME ON. |
| 274 | HEY. |
| 275 | UH-UH. YOU CAN HAVE THIS BACK |
| 276 | WHEN THE FIVE PAGES ARE DONE, HUH? |
| 277 | AH! |
| 278 | I HAD A REALLY NICE TIME TONIGHT. |
| 279 | SO DID I. |
| 280 | I'M REALLY GLAD MONICA ASKED US OUT. |
| 281 | I'D LOVE TO ASK YOU IN, BUT, UH... |
| 282 | MY SISTER'S VISITING |
| 283 | AND I THINK SHE'S ASLEEP ON THE COUCH. |
| 284 | YOUR SISTER? |
| 285 | YOUR SISTER'S ASLEEP ON THE COUCH? |
| 286 | OH, I SAW YOU WITH HER ON THE SUBWAY |
| 287 | AND NOW SHE'S ASLEEP ON THE COUCH. |
| 288 | OH, GOD! |
| 289 | OH, I THOUGHT I HEARD YOU. |
| 290 | HEY, GREAT, YOU'RE UP. |
| 291 | RACHEL, THIS IS MY SISTER, KRISTA. |
| 292 | KRISTA, THIS IS RACHEL. |
| 293 | HI. NICE TO MEET YOU. |
| 294 | I WISH YOU TOLD ME WE WERE HAVING COMPANY. |
| 295 | I'D HAVE FIXED MYSELF UP. |
| 296 | LIKE IT WOULD HELP. |
| 297 | YOU ARE SO BAD. |
| 298 | YOU ARE. |
| 299 | YOU ARE. YOU ARE. |
| 300 | YOU ARE. YOU ARE. |
| 301 | YOU ARE! |
| 302 | YOU ARE SO DEAD. |
| 303 | I'M GOING TO GET YOU. |
| 304 | ( squeals ) |
| 305 | COME HERE! COME HERE! |
| 306 | ( both laughing ) |
| 307 | UM, VERY NICE TO MEET YOU. |
| 308 | NOBODY... NOBODY RESPECTS THE BUCKET. |
| 309 | YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE WHAT PEOPLE PUT IN HERE. |
| 310 | OKAY. DOES THIS LOOK LIKE A GARBAGE CAN TO YOU? |
| 311 | NO. |
| 312 | DOES IT LOOK LIKE AN ASHTRAY? |
| 313 | NO. |
| 314 | DOES IT LOOK LIKE A URINAL? |
| 315 | EWW! |
| 316 | PHEEBS, YOU GOING TO GO BACK OUT THERE? |
| 317 | WELL, YEAH. |
| 318 | BUT I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE ANY MORE CRAP, OKAY? |
| 319 | NO MORE MRS. NICE BUCKET. |
| 320 | GOOD FOR YOU. YOU'RE TOUGH. |
| 321 | YOU LIVED ON THE STREET. |
| 322 | I'M GOING TO GO BACK TO BEING STREET PHOEBE. |
| 323 | YEAH. |
| 324 | OH, BUT YOU KNOW WHAT, I CAN'T GO TOTALLY BACK |
| 325 | BECAUSE STREET PHOEBE REALLY WOULDN'T BE FRIENDS |
| 326 | WITH YOU GUYS. |
| 327 | HI. UM, CAN I ASK YOU GUYS SOMETHING? |
| 328 | Both: SURE. |
| 329 | UM, I DON'T HAVE ANY BROTHERS, SO I DON'T KNOW |
| 330 | BUT DID YOU GUYS WRESTLE? |
| 331 | OH, YEAH. |
| 332 | ALL THE TIME. |
| 333 | IN FACT, I WAS UNDEFEATED. |
| 334 | WELL, YOU WEIGHED 200 POUNDS. |
| 335 | STILL, I WAS QUICK AS A CAT. |
| 336 | WELL, I MET DANNY'S SISTER YESTERDAY-- |
| 337 | UH, THAT WAS ACTUALLY THE GIRL ON THE SUBWAY-- |
| 338 | AND, UH, YEAH, THEY WERE VERY, YOU KNOW... |
| 339 | WRESTLE-Y... |
| 340 | BUT I GUESS THAT'S NORMAL? |
| 341 | WE DON'T... WE DON'T WRESTLE NOW. |
| 342 | NOT SINCE I GOT TOO STRONG FOR YOU. |
| 343 | TOO STRONG FOR ME? |
| 344 | YEAH. |
| 345 | YOU WANT TO GO RIGHT NOW? |
| 346 | 'CAUSE I'LL TAKE YOU RIGHT NOW, BUDDY. |
| 347 | YOU WANT TO GO? |
| 348 | OH, FINE. |
| 349 | READY? |
| 350 | WRESTLE. |
| 351 | OKAY, OKAY. YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 352 | UM, ACTUALLY, THAT'S GREAT. |
| 353 | THAT HELPS A LOT. THANKS. |
| 354 | GUYS, COME ON. LET'S GO. THE PUCK DROPS IN 20 MINUTES. |
| 355 | JOEY'S NOT GOING. |
| 356 | I DIDN'T FINISH MY FIVE PAGES. |
| 357 | WELL, WHY CAN'T YOU FINISH THEM TOMORROW? |
| 358 | BECAUSE TOMORROW HE'S REDOING YESTERDAY'S PAGES. |
| 359 | AND YESTERDAY'S PAGES DID NOT REFLECT MY BEST WORK. |
| 360 | WHY DON'T YOU CUT HIM A LITTLE SLACK, OKAY? |
| 361 | MAYBE IF HE RELAXES A LITTLE BIT, HE'LL GET SOME WORK DONE. |
| 362 | I THINK HE'S BEEN RELAXING ENOUGH |
| 363 | THANKS TO YOU AND FIREBALL. |
| 364 | DUDE, IF YOU THINK FIREBALL'S RELAXING |
| 365 | YOU OBVIOUSLY HAVE NEVER PLAYED. |
| 366 | THE ONLY REASON YOU ARE DOING THIS TO JOEY |
| 367 | IS BECAUSE YOU ARE BORED, OKAY? |
| 368 | IT'S NOT HIS FAULT YOU'RE UNEMPLOYED. |
| 369 | I AM NOT UNEMPLOYED. |
| 370 | I'M ON SABBATICAL. |
| 371 | COME ON, LOOK, GUYS. DON'T FIGHT. |
| 372 | AND THE REASON I'M DOING THIS IS BECAUSE I AM JOEY'S FRIEND |
| 373 | AND IF YOU WERE A GOOD FRIEND, YOU'D BE DOING THE SAME THING. |
| 374 | SO BEING A GOOD FRIEND MEANS ACTING LIKE A TOTAL JERK. |
| 375 | IF IT DOES, THEN YOU'RE AN AMAZING FRIEND OF MINE. |
| 376 | Joey: HEY, GUYS, HEY. |
| 377 | HOW ABOUT WE SETTLE THIS |
| 378 | OVER A FRIENDLY GAME OF FIREBALL? HUH? |
| 379 | I'LL GO UNHOOK THE SMOKE DETECTORS. |
| 380 | HOW ABOUT WE SETTLE THIS RIGHT NOW? |
| 381 | ( gasps ) |
| 382 | THERE. NOW NO ONE'S GOING TO THE GAME. |
| 383 | I PAID FOR THOSE TICKETS. |
| 384 | NO, YOU DIDN'T. YOU SAID YOU WOULD, BUT YOU NEVER DID. |
| 385 | OH, YEAH. |
| 386 | ( goofy laughing ) |
| 387 | SO, WE FINALLY GET TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN |
| 388 | AND AIRHEAD HERE FORGETS THE CAMERA. |
| 389 | WELL, YOU KNOW, THAT SAME THING HAPPENED TO ME ONE TIME. |
| 390 | WHEN DID THAT HAPPEN TO YOU? |
| 391 | DON'T YOU REMEMBER? |
| 392 | WE WERE JOGGING IN THE PARK |
| 393 | WE SAW THAT REALLY PRETTY BIRD |
| 394 | AND I WANTED TO TAKE A PICTURE |
| 395 | BUT I DIDN'T HAVE MY CAMERA. |
| 396 | OKAY. FIRST OF ALL, CHASING THE CHURRO GUY IS NOT JOGGING. |
| 397 | OH, THIS IS SO GOOD. |
| 398 | YOU HAVE GOT TO TRY IT. |
| 399 | THAT IS GOOD. |
| 400 | OH. DAMN. I GOT IT ON MY PANTS. |
| 401 | HERE. I'LL GET IT. |
| 402 | WE BETTER TAKE THESE OFF UPSTAIRS |
| 403 | OR THAT STAIN'S GOING TO SET. |
| 404 | I WANT TO WEAR THESE PANTS ON OUR DATE TONIGHT. |
| 405 | OH, GREAT. |
| 406 | OKAY. BYE. |
| 407 | OH, MY GOD... |
| 408 | THAT WAS UNBELIEVABLE. |
| 409 | OKAY, SEE? I TOLD YOU. |
| 410 | YEAH, WOW... SORRY, RACH. |
| 411 | I DON'T BELIEVE THEY'RE BROTHER AND SISTER. |
| 412 | THEY'RE BROTHER AND SISTER?! |
| 413 | ( bell ringing ) |
| 414 | OH! WAIT A MINUTE. OPEN YOUR HAND. |
| 415 | LET ME TAKE A LOOK. |
| 416 | QUARTER, DIME, LINT. |
| 417 | NOT INTERESTED IN THAT. |
| 418 | WHAT'S THIS, A CANADIAN COIN? |
| 419 | GET OUT OF HERE! |
| 420 | OH, MY GOSH. |
| 421 | WHOA! NO DRINKS NEAR THE BUCKET. |
| 422 | SET IT DOWN OVER THERE |
| 423 | AND THEN YOU CAN MAKE A CONTRIBUTION. |
| 424 | AND YOU LEAVE THE "HURT BUNNY" LOOK OVER THERE, TOO. |
| 425 | OH, HI, BOB. |
| 426 | I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO GET OUT OF HERE! |
| 427 | UH, PHOEBE, WE'VE BEEN GETTING COMPLAINTS |
| 428 | AND, UH, WE'RE GOING TO MOVE YOU TO A LESS HIGH-PROFILE SPOT. |
| 429 | WHAT? |
| 430 | UH, GINGER'S GOING TO TAKE OVER THIS CORNER. |
| 431 | THAT CHICK CAN'T HANDLE MY CORNER. |
| 432 | LOOK, EITHER YOU LEAVE OR WE REMOVE YOU. |
| 433 | FINE. |
| 434 | ALL RIGHT. I'LL GIVE YOU ONE POINTER. |
| 435 | LOOK AT FOR THAT BITCH. |
| 436 | ( knocking ) |
| 437 | OH. HI, RACH. I THOUGHT WE SAID 7:00. |
| 438 | YEAH. YOU KNOW WHAT? UH, LET'S SKIP IT. |
| 439 | WHAT? WHY? |
| 440 | UM... YOU AND YOUR SISTER SEEM TO HAVE A VERY SPECIAL BOND. |
| 441 | OH, GREAT. THAT SPECIAL BOND AGAIN. |
| 442 | WHY DO WOMEN HAVE SUCH A PROBLEM WITH THE FACT |
| 443 | THAT I'M CLOSE WITH MY SISTER? |
| 444 | WELL... OKAY, LOOK. |
| 445 | LISTEN... I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON HERE, BUT... |
| 446 | DO YOU HAVE BROTHERS? |
| 447 | NO. I HAVE TWO SISTERS. |
| 448 | ONE OF THEM ACTUALLY HAS A VERY MASCULINE ENERGY. |
| 449 | ARE YOU CLOSE WITH THEM? |
| 450 | NO, NO. THEY'RE NOT VERY NICE PEOPLE. |
| 451 | COME HERE. |
| 452 | LISTEN. I REALLY LIKE YOU, OKAY? |
| 453 | I THINK THIS COULD GO SOMEWHERE. |
| 454 | SO WHAT IF I'M CLOSE TO MY FAMILY? |
| 455 | YOU GOING TO LET THAT STAND IN THE WAY OF US? |
| 456 | WELL... I DON'T KNOW. |
| 457 | WHEN YOU PUT IT THAT WAY, YOU KNOW... |
| 458 | DANNY, HURRY UP. THE BATH'S GETTING COLD. |
| 459 | WHAT? |
| 460 | YEAH. I'LL SEE YOU LATER. |
| 461 | OH, HEY. THERE'S SOME KIDS PLAYING IN THE STREET. |
| 462 | YOU WANT TO GO DOWN THERE |
| 463 | GIVE THEM A PROJECT, RUIN THEIR DAY? |
| 464 | HEY, IF THEY HAVE A BALL |
| 465 | MAYBE YOU COULD STICK RAZOR BLADES IN IT |
| 466 | AND TEACH THEM A NEW GAME-- "GOING TO NEED STITCHES" BALL. |
| 467 | HEY, GUYS. I WAS AT THE LIBRARY ALL MORNING |
| 468 | AND I ALREADY FINISHED MY FIVE PAGES FOR TODAY. |
| 469 | GREAT. NOW WE CAN GO TO THE RANGER GAME LAST NIGHT. |
| 470 | NO, DUDE. ROSS TORE UP THE TICKETS. |
| 471 | I GUESS WHEN YOU DON'T HAVE SO MANY DISTRACTIONS |
| 472 | IT'S EASIER FOR YOU TO FOCUS, HUH? |
| 473 | YEAH, OR ALSO, WHEN YOU DON'T HAVE SOMEBODY |
| 474 | BREATHING DOWN YOUR NECK ALL THE LIVELONG DAY! |
| 475 | WELL... THAT'S FINE, BUT THE IMPORTANT THING IS |
| 476 | I FINISHED IT AND I THINK IT'S REALLY GOOD |
| 477 | BUT YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD REALLY HELP ME |
| 478 | IS IF I COULD HEAR IT, SO WOULD YOU GUYS READ IT FOR ME? |
| 479 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 480 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 481 | OKAY. |
| 482 | IT'S A TYPICAL NEW YORK CITY APARTMENT-- |
| 483 | TWO GUYS ARE HANGING OUT. ROSS? |
| 484 | HEY, MAN. |
| 485 | WHAT IS UP? |
| 486 | ABOUT YESTERDAY, I WAS REALLY WRONG. |
| 487 | I AM SORRY. |
| 488 | NO, IT WAS ME. I'M SORRY. I OVERREACTED. |
| 489 | MAYBE IT WAS BOTH OF US |
| 490 | BUT WE HAD OUR BEST FRIEND'S INTER... |
| 491 | BUT WE HAD OUR BEST FRIEND'S INTEREST AT HEART. |
| 492 | COULD I BE MORE SORRY? |
| 493 | I DON'T KNOW. |
| 494 | I AM ONE SORRY... POLONTOLOGIST... |
| 495 | ALL RIGHT, JOEY. WE-WE GET IT. |
| 496 | I'M SORRY. |
| 497 | I'M SORRY, TOO. |
| 498 | OH, NO. NO, NO. KEEP READING. |
| 499 | THE GOOD PART'S COMING UP. KEEP GOING. |
| 500 | I AM SORRY, CHANDLER. |
| 501 | I AM SORRY, ROSS. |
| 502 | A HANDSOME MAN ENTERS. |
| 503 | HEY... HOW'S IT GOING, GUYS? |
| 504 | I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU TWO ARE TALKING ABOUT |
| 505 | BUT I WOULD JUST LIKE TO SAY THANKS TO BOTH OF YOU. |
| 506 | YOU-- YOU WOULDN'T LET ME GIVE UP ON MYSELF |
| 507 | AND YOU-- WELL, YOU CO-CREATED FIREBALL. |
| 508 | THE END. |
| 509 | THIS TOOK YOU ALL DAY? |
| 510 | NO, NO. THIS ONLY TOOK FIVE MINUTES. |
| 511 | I SPENT THE REST OF THE DAY |
| 512 | COMING UP WITH NEW, ULTIMATE FIREBALL. |
| 513 | ( crazed laughing ) |
| 514 | IT'S A TYPICAL |
| 515 | NEW YORK CITY APARTMENT. |
| 516 | TWO GIRLS ARE JUST HANGING OUT. |
| 517 | HI. HOW'RE YOU DOING, KELLY? |
| 518 | I'M DOING JUST FINE. |
| 519 | GOD, TIFFANY, YOU SMELL SO GREAT. |
| 520 | IT'S MY NEW PERFUME. |
| 521 | WHY DON'T YOU COME CLOSER |
| 522 | WHERE YOU CAN REALLY APPRECIATE IT? |
| 523 | OH, YOU KNOW, JOEY, YOU ARE SICK. |
| 524 | THIS IS DISGUSTING. |
| 525 | I'M NOT READING THIS. |
| 526 | WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. THE HANDSOME MAN WAS ABOUT TO ENTER! |
| 527 | [Captioned by The Caption Center WGBH Educational Foundation] |
| 528 | |
| 1 | ALL RIGHT, HERE WE GO. |
| 2 | 1999. THE YEAR OF JOEY. |
| 3 | YEAH. |
| 4 | WE'RE VERY HAPPY FOR YOU. |
| 5 | WHAT'S THE MATTER? |
| 6 | WE WANTED TO KISS AT MIDNIGHT, BUT NOBODY ELSE IS GOING TO |
| 7 | SO, YOU KNOW... |
| 8 | ALL RIGHT. I'LL TAKE CARE OF IT. |
| 9 | JOEY... |
| 10 | 33... 32... 31... |
| 11 | ROSS! ROSS! ROSS, LISTEN. |
| 12 | WHO ARE YOU KISSING AT MIDNIGHT? RACHEL OR PHOEBE? |
| 13 | WHAT? YOU GOT TO KISS SOMEONE. CAN'T KISS YOUR SISTER. |
| 14 | WELL, WHO'S GOING TO KISS MY SISTER? |
| 15 | CHANDLER. OH, MAN. REALLY? |
| 16 | WHO WOULD YOU RATHER HAVE KISS HER? ME OR CHANDLER? |
| 17 | THAT'S A GOOD POINT. YEAH. |
| 18 | UH, WELL SINCE I HAVE THAT WHOLE HISTORY |
| 19 | WITH RACHEL, I GUESS PHOEBE. |
| 20 | OKAY. GREAT. |
| 21 | PHEEBS! PHEEBS! LISTEN-- |
| 22 | ROSS WANTS TO KISS YOU AT MIDNIGHT. |
| 23 | IT'S SO OBVIOUS. |
| 24 | WHY DOESN'T HE JUST ASK? |
| 25 | RACHE... RACHE, LISTEN. |
| 26 | I'M GOING TO KISS YOU AT MIDNIGHT. |
| 27 | WHAT? EVERYONE'S GOT TO. |
| 28 | CAN'T KISS ROSS. YOU GOT HISTORY. |
| 29 | SO? SO, WHO WOULD YOU RATHER |
| 30 | HAVE KISS YOU, ME OR CHANDLER? |
| 31 | OH, GOOD POINT. |
| 32 | YEAH. |
| 33 | All: THREE... TWO... ONE... |
| 34 | HAPPY NEW YEAR! |
| 35 | ( blowing party horns ) |
| 36 | HAPPY NEW YEAR. |
| 37 | HAPPY NEW YEAR. |
| 38 | HAPPY NEW YEAR, PHEEBS. YOU, TOO. |
| 39 | HAPPY NEW YEAR, JOEY. |
| 40 | SO, THAT DO ANYTHING FOR YOU? |
| 41 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 42 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 43 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 44 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 45 | ♪ WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY, YOUR WEEK ♪ |
| 46 | ♪ YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 47 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 48 | ♪ WHEN THE RAIN STARTS TO POUR ♪ |
| 49 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 50 | ♪ LIKE I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE ♪ |
| 51 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 52 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME, TOO. ♪ |
| 53 | YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 54 | I'M GOING TO GO |
| 55 | OUT ON A LIMB AND SAY |
| 56 | NO DIVORCES IN '99! |
| 57 | YEAH, BABY! |
| 58 | ( blowing horns ) |
| 59 | BUT YOU'RE DIVORCE ISN'T EVEN FINAL YET. |
| 60 | JUST THE ONE DIVORCE IN '99! |
| 61 | YEAH, BABY! |
| 62 | ( blowing horns ) |
| 63 | YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 64 | I AM GOING TO BE HAPPY THIS YEAR. |
| 65 | I AM GOING TO MAKE MYSELF HAPPY. |
| 66 | DO YOU WANT US TO LEAVE THE ROOM OR...? |
| 67 | EVERY DAY, I AM GOING TO DO ONE THING |
| 68 | I HAVE NEVER DONE BEFORE. |
| 69 | THAT, MY FRIENDS, IS MY NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION. |
| 70 | OOH! THAT'S A GOOD ONE. |
| 71 | YEAH. |
| 72 | MINE IS TO PILOT A COMMERCIAL JET. |
| 73 | OH... |
| 74 | THAT'S A GOOD ONE, TOO, PHEEBS. |
| 75 | NOW ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS FIND A PLANELOAD OF PEOPLE |
| 76 | WHOSE RESOLUTION IS TO PLUMMET TO THEIR DEATHS. |
| 77 | MAYBE YOUR RESOLUTION SHOULD BE NOT TO MAKE FUN OF YOUR FRIENDS |
| 78 | ESPECIALLY THE ONES WHO MAY SOON |
| 79 | BE FLYING YOU TO EUROPE FOR FREE ON THEIR OWN PLANE. |
| 80 | SHE HAS A BETTER CHANCE OF SPROUTING WINGS |
| 81 | AND FLYING UP YOUR NOSE |
| 82 | THAN YOU DO OF NOT MAKING FUN OF US. |
| 83 | IN FACT, I'LL BET YOU 50 BUCKS YOU CAN'T GO THE WHOLE YEAR |
| 84 | WITHOUT MAKING FUN OF US. |
| 85 | YOU KNOW WHAT? BETTER YET-- A WEEK. |
| 86 | I'LL TAKE THAT BET, MY FRIEND. |
| 87 | AND YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 88 | PAYING ME THE 50 BUCKS CAN BE THE "NEW THING" YOU DO THAT DAY. |
| 89 | AND IT STARTS RIGHT NOW. |
| 90 | ALL RIGHT, MY NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION |
| 91 | IS TO LEARN HOW TO PLAY GUITAR. |
| 92 | REALLY? HOW COME? |
| 93 | WELL, YOU KNOW THOSE, UH, SPECIAL SKILLS |
| 94 | I HAVE LISTED ON MY RESUME? |
| 95 | WELL, I WOULD LOVE IT IF ONE OF THOSE WAS TRUE. |
| 96 | DO YOU WANT ME TO TEACH YOU? I'M A GREAT TEACHER. |
| 97 | OH, REALLY? WHO HAVE YOU TAUGHT? |
| 98 | WELL, I TAUGHT ME AND I LOVED ME. |
| 99 | OH, THAT'D BE GREAT. |
| 100 | YEAH. THANKS, PHEEBS. |
| 101 | OH, LOOK-- BLAIR FORGOT HER GLASSES |
| 102 | AND SHE'S GOING TO REALLY BE NEEDING THESE |
| 103 | TO KEEP AN EYE ON THAT BOYFRIEND |
| 104 | WHO, FROM WHAT I HEAR |
| 105 | NEEDS TO KEEP HIS STAPLER IN HIS DESK DRAWER |
| 106 | IF YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT. |
| 107 | HEY, RACHE, MAYBE YOUR RESOLUTION SHOULD BE |
| 108 | TO, UM... GOSSIP LESS. |
| 109 | I DON'T GOSSIP. |
| 110 | ( sarcastic chuckles ) |
| 111 | MAYBE SOMETIMES I FIND OUT THINGS |
| 112 | OR I HEAR SOMETHING AND I PASS THAT INFORMATION ON. |
| 113 | YOU KNOW, KIND OF LIKE A PUBLIC SERVICE. |
| 114 | DOESN'T MEAN I'M A GOSSIP. |
| 115 | I MEAN, WOULD YOU CALL TED KOPPEL A GOSSIP? |
| 116 | WELL, IF TED KOPPEL TALKED ABOUT |
| 117 | HIS CO-WORKER'S BOTCHED BOOB JOBS, YEAH, I WOULD. |
| 118 | THEY WERE LIKE THIS! |
| 119 | I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW. |
| 120 | OKAY. |
| 121 | HEY. |
| 122 | HEY HEY. |
| 123 | I JUST ASKED THAT GIRL OUT. |
| 124 | NICE. |
| 125 | NICE... YEAH. |
| 126 | IS THAT PART OF YOUR RESOLUTION? |
| 127 | YOUR "NEW THING" FOR TODAY? |
| 128 | YES, IT IS. |
| 129 | SEE? |
| 130 | "ELIZABETH... |
| 131 | ...HORNSWOGGLE"? |
| 132 | THAT'S RIGHT. |
| 133 | ELIZABETH... HORNSWOGGLE. |
| 134 | HORN... SWOGGLE? |
| 135 | YOU OKAY, CHANDLER? |
| 136 | IS THERE SOMETHING...? |
| 137 | SOMETHING FUNNY ABOUT THAT NAME? |
| 138 | NO. NO. I JUST THINK THAT MAYBE I'VE... |
| 139 | I'VE HEARD IT SOMEWHERE BEFORE. |
| 140 | OH, REALLY? WHERE? |
| 141 | SOMEWHERE FUNNY, I'LL BET. |
| 142 | HEY... |
| 143 | GUESS WHAT? |
| 144 | I HAVE A DATE WITH, UH... |
| 145 | ELIZABETH HORNSWOGGLE. |
| 146 | HORNSWOGGLE? |
| 147 | OH, THIS MUST BE KILLING YOU. |
| 148 | SEE YOU LATER. |
| 149 | SEE YOU. |
| 150 | ALL RIGHT, PHEEBS, I AM READY FOR MY FIRST LESSON. |
| 151 | OKAY. |
| 152 | OH, NO, NO. |
| 153 | YOU DON'T TOUCH THE GUITAR. |
| 154 | NO. NO. FIRST, YOU LEARN HERE. |
| 155 | THEN YOU LEARN HERE. |
| 156 | OH... OKAY. |
| 157 | OKAY-- |
| 158 | LESSON ONE. |
| 159 | CHORDS. |
| 160 | NOW, UM, I DON'T KNOW THE ACTUAL NAMES OF THE CHORDS |
| 161 | UM, BUT I-I-I |
| 162 | MADE UP NAMES FOR THE WAY MY HAND LOOKS |
| 163 | WHILE I'M DOING THEM. |
| 164 | SO, THEN |
| 165 | THIS IS "BEAR CLAW." |
| 166 | OKAY. UM, "TURKEY LEG..." |
| 167 | AND "OLD LADY." |
| 168 | WHAT AN INTERESTING APPROACH TO GUITAR INSTRUCTION. |
| 169 | YOU KNOW, SOME MIGHT FIND IT AMUSING. |
| 170 | I, MYSELF, FIND IT REGULAR. |
| 171 | HEY, EVERYBODY. RACHEL WAS SO GOOD TODAY. |
| 172 | SHE DIDN'T GOSSIP AT ALL. |
| 173 | I DIDN'T. EVEN WHEN I FOUND OUT... |
| 174 | UM... ALL RIGHT... |
| 175 | WELL, LET'S JUST SAY |
| 176 | I FOUND OUT SOMETHING ABOUT SOMEONE |
| 177 | AND LET'S JUST SAY... SHE'S GOING TO KEEP IT. |
| 178 | HEY, PHEEBS. |
| 179 | CHECK THIS OUT. |
| 180 | OOH! YOU-YOU NAILED THE "OLD LADY." |
| 181 | OH! |
| 182 | YEAH... |
| 183 | YEAH. LISTEN, SO-- |
| 184 | I THOUGHT I WAS GETTING BETTER |
| 185 | SO, ON MY WAY HOME TODAY |
| 186 | I STOPPED BY THIS GUITAR STORE AND... |
| 187 | DID YOU-DID YOU TOUCH ANY OF THE GUITARS |
| 188 | WHILE YOU WERE THERE? |
| 189 | DID YOU? |
| 190 | NO. |
| 191 | GIVE ME YOUR HANDS. |
| 192 | STRINGS. |
| 193 | GIVE IT. |
| 194 | PICK. |
| 195 | OH! |
| 196 | DO YOU WANT TO LEARN TO PLAY GUITAR? |
| 197 | YES. |
| 198 | THEN DON'T TOUCH ONE! |
| 199 | HI. |
| 200 | HI! |
| 201 | HI, BEN! |
| 202 | AUNTIE MONKIE! |
| 203 | ROSS IS WEARING LEATHER PANTS! |
| 204 | DOES NOBODY ELSE SEE THAT ROSS IS WEARING LEATHER PANTS? |
| 205 | SOMEONE! COMMENT ON THE PANTS! |
| 206 | THEY'RE VERY NICE. |
| 207 | I REALLY LIKE THEM. |
| 208 | YEAH. NICE STUFF. |
| 209 | NOT WHAT I HAD IN MIND. |
| 210 | SEE, PEOPLE LIKE ROSS |
| 211 | DON'T GENERALLY WEAR THESE TYPES OF PANTS. |
| 212 | YOU SEE, THEY'RE VERY TIGHT. |
| 213 | MAYBE THERE'S SOMETHING IN THAT AREA. |
| 214 | THEY LOOK GOOD. I LIKE THEM. |
| 215 | WAY TO GO. |
| 216 | THEY LOOK GREAT. |
| 217 | WHERE DID YOU GET THEM? |
| 218 | SEE, I... I NEEDED A NEW THING FOR TODAY |
| 219 | AND THERE'S THIS LEATHER STORE I GO BY |
| 220 | THAT ALWAYS SMELLS SO GOOD. |
| 221 | AND I THOUGHT TO MYSELF, WOW. |
| 222 | YOU KNOW, I'VE NEVER OWNED |
| 223 | A REALLY GOOD-SMELLING PAIR OF PANTS BEFORE. |
| 224 | OH, COME ON! |
| 225 | OKAY, SERIOUSLY, WHAT DO YOU THINK? |
| 226 | AWFUL. ABSOLUTELY AWFUL. |
| 227 | YEAH. AWFUL. |
| 228 | HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? |
| 229 | WHAT ARE YOU DOING? |
| 230 | IT'S MY NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION. |
| 231 | TO BLIND MY CHILD? |
| 232 | NO. TO TAKE MORE PICTURES OF ALL OF US TOGETHER. |
| 233 | I MEAN, I REALLY THINK IT'S THE BEST RESOLUTION |
| 234 | BECAUSE EVERYONE CAN ENJOY THE PICTURES. |
| 235 | WELL, EVERYONE WILL ENJOY MY MUSIC AS WELL. |
| 236 | Ross: OH, MY GOD. |
| 237 | THESE PANTS-- I'M BURNING UP. |
| 238 | SHE WANTS TO SNUGGLE NOW? |
| 239 | WHAT? IS SHE TRYING TO KILL ME? |
| 240 | IT'S LIKE A VOLCANO IN HERE. |
| 241 | ARE YOU HOT? |
| 242 | NO. |
| 243 | OKAY. MUST JUST BE ME, THEN. |
| 244 | ( pants squeaking ) |
| 245 | THAT WAS JUST THE PANTS ON THE COUCH. |
| 246 | UM, HEY, DO YOU-DO YOU MIND IF I USE YOUR BATHROOM? |
| 247 | OH, GO AHEAD. |
| 248 | THANKS. |
| 249 | ( pants squeaking ) |
| 250 | ( sighs ) |
| 251 | ( falsetto ): AH... |
| 252 | HEY! |
| 253 | MY FAVORITE PART'S COMING UP! |
| 254 | 'KAY. |
| 255 | OH, MY GOD! |
| 256 | "TIGER." |
| 257 | "DRAGON." |
| 258 | "ICEBERG." |
| 259 | JOSEPH, DID YOU EVEN STUDY AT ALL LAST NIGHT? |
| 260 | YES. YES, I DID. |
| 261 | THEN DO "ICEBERG." |
| 262 | "G" SHARP. |
| 263 | "G" SHARP? |
| 264 | HAVE YOU BEEN STUDYING THE REAL NAMES OF THE CHORDS? |
| 265 | HAVE YOU? |
| 266 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 267 | WHAT? I-I DIDN'T TOUCH A GUITAR! |
| 268 | NO, BUT YOU'RE QUESTIONING MY METHOD. |
| 269 | NO. I'M NOT QUESTIONING IT, PHOEBE. |
| 270 | I'M SAYING IT'S STUPID! |
| 271 | WHAT? |
| 272 | THANK YOU. |
| 273 | YOU KNOW, NONE OF MY OTHER STUDENT |
| 274 | THOUGHT I WAS STUPID! |
| 275 | YOUR OTHER STUDENT WAS YOU! |
| 276 | YEAH, WELL, YOU KNOW, MAYBE YOU JUST NEED TO TRY A LITTLE HARDER. |
| 277 | MAYBE I NEED TO TRY A REAL TEACHER! |
| 278 | RIGHT HERE. HERE. ANDY COOPER. |
| 279 | HE TEACHES GUITAR. |
| 280 | AND LOOK. OOH, THERE'S A NICE PICTURE OF HIM |
| 281 | WITH A LITTLE KID, YEAH. |
| 282 | AND THE KID'S GOT A GUITAR! |
| 283 | FINE! |
| 284 | YOU GO LEARN FROM YOUR... QUALIFIED INSTRUCTOR! |
| 285 | BUT DON'T COME CRYING TO ME |
| 286 | WHEN EVERYONE IS SICK AND TIRED |
| 287 | OF HEARING YOU PLAY "BAD, BAD, LEROY BROWN." |
| 288 | ♪ BADDEST MAN IN THE WHOLE DAMN TOWN... ♪ |
| 289 | OH, FINE. TAKE HIS SIDE! |
| 290 | Monica: I can't wait to be with you. |
| 291 | I'll sneak over as soon as Ross picks up Ben. |
| 292 | I'll just tell Rachel |
| 293 | I'm going to be doing laundry for a couple of hours. |
| 294 | Chandler: Laundry? Huh. Is that my new nickname? |
| 295 | Monica: You know what your nickname is, Mr. Big... |
| 296 | ( shrieks ) |
| 297 | ( phone ringing ) |
| 298 | HELLO. |
| 299 | JOEY, IT'S ROSS. I NEED SOME HELP. |
| 300 | UH, CHANDLER'S NOT HERE. |
| 301 | WELL, YOU CAN HELP ME. |
| 302 | OKAY. |
| 303 | LISTEN, I'M IN ELIZABETH'S BATHROOM... |
| 304 | NICE. |
| 305 | NO, I GOT REALLY HOT IN MY LEATHER PANTS |
| 306 | SO I TOOK THEM OFF |
| 307 | BUT THEY MUST HAVE SHRUNK FROM THE SWEAT OR SOMETHING |
| 308 | OR MY LEGS EXPANDED FROM THE HEAT. |
| 309 | BUT I CAN'T GET THEM BACK ON, JOEY. |
| 310 | I CAN'T! |
| 311 | OH, THAT IS QUITE A SITUATION. |
| 312 | UH, DO YOU SEE ANY, LIKE, POWDER? |
| 313 | POWDER, YEAH, YEAH. |
| 314 | I HAVE POWDER. |
| 315 | Good, good, okay. |
| 316 | SPRINKLE SOME ON YOUR LEGS. |
| 317 | IT WILL ABSORB SOME OF THE MOISTURE |
| 318 | AND THEN YOU CAN GET YOUR PANTS ON. |
| 319 | OKAY, HOLD ON. |
| 320 | THEY'RE NOT COMING ON, MAN. |
| 321 | UM, YOU SEE ANY... OH, VASELINE? |
| 322 | I... I SEE LOTION. |
| 323 | I HAVE LOTION. |
| 324 | WILL THAT WORK? |
| 325 | YEAH, SURE. THROW SOME OF THAT ON THERE. |
| 326 | Hold on. |
| 327 | ROSS, YOU OKAY? |
| 328 | THEY'RE STILL... |
| 329 | THEY'RE STILL NOT COMING ON, MAN. |
| 330 | AND THE LOTION AND THE POWDER HAVE MADE A PASTE. |
| 331 | REALLY? |
| 332 | UH, WHAT COLOR IS IT? |
| 333 | WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES THAT MAKE? |
| 334 | WELL, IF THE PASTE MATCHES THE PANTS |
| 335 | YOU CAN MAKE YOURSELF A PAIR OF PASTE PANTS |
| 336 | AND SHE WON'T KNOW THE DIFFERENCE. |
| 337 | JOEY, DO YOU HAVE A MINUTE? |
| 338 | DUDE, WHAT AM I...? |
| 339 | RACHEL'S HERE. SO GOOD LUCK, MAN. |
| 340 | LET ME KNOW HOW IT WORKS OUT. |
| 341 | OH, JOEY, I HAVE SUCH A PROBLEM. |
| 342 | WELL, YOUR TIMING COULDN'T BE BETTER. |
| 343 | I AM PUTTING OUR FIRES ALL OVER THE PLACE TODAY. |
| 344 | OKAY, OKAY, OKAY. |
| 345 | JOEY, I HAVE GOT TO TELL YOU SOMETHING. |
| 346 | WHAT? WHAT IS IT? WHAT IS IT? |
| 347 | OH, MY GOD, IT'S SO HUGE. |
| 348 | BUT YOU JUST HAVE TO PROMISE ME-- |
| 349 | YOU CANNOT TELL ANYONE. |
| 350 | NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. I DON'T WANT TO KNOW. |
| 351 | WHAT? |
| 352 | YES, YES, YES. |
| 353 | YOU DO WANT TO KNOW. THIS IS UNBELIEVABLE. |
| 354 | I DON'T CARE, RACHE. |
| 355 | LOOK, I AM TIRED OF BEING THE GUY |
| 356 | WHO KNOWS ALL THE SECRETS AND CAN'T TELL ANYONE. |
| 357 | YOU KNOW SECRETS? WHAT ARE THEY? |
| 358 | AND YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE GOSSIPING. |
| 359 | I KNOW, I JUST CAN'T KEEP THIS ONE IN. |
| 360 | SO I PICK UP THE PHONE... |
| 361 | ( loud off-key singing ) |
| 362 | ♪ LA-LA-LA-LA-LA! ♪ |
| 363 | I'M NOT LISTENING TO YOU. |
| 364 | ♪ AH-AH-AH-AH! ♪ |
| 365 | ♪ AH! ♪ |
| 366 | ♪ AH... LA-LA-LA-LA! ♪ |
| 367 | ( screams ) |
| 368 | ROSS, UM, YOU'VE BEEN IN THERE FOR A LONG TIME. |
| 369 | I'M STARTING TO GET KIND OF FREAKED OUT. |
| 370 | ALL RIGHT, I'M COMING OUT. |
| 371 | HEY, CAN YOU TURN THE LIGHTS OFF? |
| 372 | NO. |
| 373 | LET'S JUST LEAVE THE LIGHTS ON. |
| 374 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 375 | I HAD A PROBLEM. |
| 376 | HEY, PHEEBS. |
| 377 | OH, I CAN'T TALK TO YOU. |
| 378 | I DON'T HAVE A FANCY AD IN THE YELLOW PAGES. |
| 379 | LOOK, PHEEBS, I JUST... |
| 380 | I WANT TO APOLOGIZE |
| 381 | FOR SAYING YOUR METHOD WAS STUPID |
| 382 | AND MAYBE... |
| 383 | ASK YOU TO BE MY TEACHER AGAIN? |
| 384 | AND-AND I PROMISE I WON'T TOUCH A GUITAR |
| 385 | UNTIL YOU SAY I'M READY. |
| 386 | YOU REALLY THINK I'M READY? |
| 387 | UH-HUH. |
| 388 | WOW. COOL! |
| 389 | OKAY. |
| 390 | ( dissonant clang ) |
| 391 | WAS THE CHORD AT LEAST RIGHT BEFORE...? |
| 392 | NO. |
| 393 | OH, MY GOD! |
| 394 | WE HEARD ABOUT YOUR PANTS. |
| 395 | I'M SO SORRY. |
| 396 | THIS YEAR WAS SUPPOSED TO BE GREAT. |
| 397 | WELL, IT'S ONLY THE SECOND DAY |
| 398 | AND I'M A LOSER WITH STUPID LEATHER PANTS |
| 399 | THAT DON'T EVEN FIT! |
| 400 | NO, YOU'RE NOT A LOSER. |
| 401 | ( all murmur agreement ) |
| 402 | LOOK AT ME! |
| 403 | ( squeaks ) |
| 404 | HEY, HEY, LOOK. LOOK, ROSS. |
| 405 | BEN DREW A PICTURE OF YOU. |
| 406 | HUH? YOU'RE A COWBOY. |
| 407 | OH. |
| 408 | BE-BECAUSE OF THE LEATHER PANTS? |
| 409 | SEE? BEN DOESN'T THINK YOU'RE A LOSER. |
| 410 | HE THINKS YOU'RE A COWBOY. |
| 411 | I MEAN, THAT'S SOMETHING. |
| 412 | ( all murmur agreement ) |
| 413 | HOWDY, PARTNER. HEY-HEY. |
| 414 | MAYBE I SHOULD GET ANOTHER PAIR. |
| 415 | OOH! YOU KNOW, THEY HAD SOME WITH, UH... |
| 416 | WITH FRINGE ALL DOWN THE SIDES. |
| 417 | I'M GOING TO GO KISS BEN GOOD NIGHT. |
| 418 | I CAN'T BELIEVE HE THINKS I'M A COWBOY. |
| 419 | I WOULD MAKE A GOOD COWBOY. |
| 420 | OKAY, NOW THAT EVERYTHING'S WRAPPED UP HERE |
| 421 | I THINK I'M GOING TO GO DO MY LAUNDRY. |
| 422 | ME, TOO, YOU KNOW, IF THIS SHIRT IS DIRTY. |
| 423 | YEP. |
| 424 | HEY, I'M GOING TO GO, TOO. |
| 425 | I'M GOING TO GO TO THE AIRPORT. |
| 426 | I FIGURE IF I HANG ROUND THERE LONG ENOUGH |
| 427 | SOMEONE'S BOUND TO LEAVE ONE OF THOSE PLANES UNATTENDED. |
| 428 | GOOD NIGHT, HONEY. BYE. |
| 429 | ( door closes ) |
| 430 | WOW. |
| 431 | HEY, UH, JOEY, REMEMBER THAT BIG THING |
| 432 | I WAS GOING TO TELL YOU ABOUT? |
| 433 | OH, NO. |
| 434 | ( singing loud gibberish ) |
| 435 | I'M NOT GOING TO TELL YOU |
| 436 | BUT IF YOU FOUND OUT ON YOUR OWN |
| 437 | THAT WOULD BE OKAY, AND THEN WE COULD TALK ABOUT IT, RIGHT? |
| 438 | WELL, THEN IT WOULDN'T BE A SECRET |
| 439 | SO, YEAH, THAT WOULD BE OKAY. |
| 440 | YEAH, YEAH. |
| 441 | YEAH. |
| 442 | HEY, UH, JOE, WOULD YOU MIND GOING OVER |
| 443 | INTO CHANDLER'S BEDROOM AND GETTING THAT BOOK BACK |
| 444 | THAT HE BORROWED FROM ME? |
| 445 | NOW? YOU WANT ME TO GO OVER THERE NOW? |
| 446 | HMM. |
| 447 | DO YOU KNOW SOMETHING? |
| 448 | DO YOU KNOW SOMETHING? |
| 449 | I MIGHT KNOW SOMETHING. |
| 450 | I MIGHT KNOW SOMETHING, TOO. |
| 451 | WHAT'S THE THING YOU KNOW? |
| 452 | I CAN'T TELL YOU TILL YOU TELL ME. |
| 453 | I CAN'T TELL YOU. |
| 454 | I CAN'T TELL YOU. |
| 455 | OKAY, FINE. |
| 456 | YOU DON'T KNOW. |
| 457 | HOW ABOUT I GO OVER AND WALK INTO CHANDLER'S BEDROOM |
| 458 | AND SEE THE THING I THINK THAT I KNOW |
| 459 | IS ACTUALLY THE THING I THINK THAT I KNOW. |
| 460 | ( gasps ) |
| 461 | YOU KNOW! |
| 462 | AND YOU KNOW! |
| 463 | YEAH, I KNOW! |
| 464 | CHANDLER AND MONICA?! |
| 465 | OH, THIS IS UNBELIEVABLE! |
| 466 | HOW LONG HAVE YOU KNOWN?! |
| 467 | TOO LONG! OH, MY GOD, RACHE! |
| 468 | I'VE BEEN DYING TO TALK TO SOMEONE ABOUT THIS |
| 469 | FOR SO LONG! |
| 470 | BUT LISTEN, LISTEN. |
| 471 | YOU CAN'T SAY ANYTHING TO ANYBODY. |
| 472 | THEY'RE SO WEIRD ABOUT THAT. |
| 473 | LISTEN... |
| 474 | ( yelling ) ( yelling ) |
| 475 | HEY, PHOEBE! |
| 476 | HEY. IT'S RAINING. |
| 477 | I DON'T LIKE TO FLY IN THE RAIN, SO... |
| 478 | OH! |
| 479 | I AM GOING TO GO FOR A WALK IN THE RAIN. |
| 480 | OH, YEAH, ME, TOO. |
| 481 | THAT'S WEIRD. |
| 482 | I BET THEY'RE DOING IT. |
| 483 | OH, GOOD. OKAY, LOOK, I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE. |
| 484 | I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE, SO YOU WIN, OKAY? HERE. |
| 485 | PHEEBS, FLYING A JET? |
| 486 | BETTER MAKE IT A SPACESHIP |
| 487 | SO YOU CAN GET BACK TO YOUR HOME PLANET. |
| 488 | AND ROSS, PHONE CALL FOR YOU TODAY. |
| 489 | TOM JONES-- HE WANTS HIS PANTS BACK! |
| 490 | AND "HORNSWOGGLE"? |
| 491 | WHAT ARE YOU-- DATING A CHARACTER FROM FRAGGLE ROCK? |
| 492 | [Captioned by The Caption Center WGBH Educational Foundation] |
| 493 | |
| 1 | COME ON, JOEY. |
| 2 | I TOLD YOU EVERYTHING I KNEW LAST NIGHT. |
| 3 | IT'S NOT THAT BIG A DEAL. |
| 4 | SO MONICA AND CHANDLER ARE DOING IT. |
| 5 | I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU WOULD SAY THAT. |
| 6 | SORRY. MONICA AND CHANDLER ARE "MAKING LOVE." |
| 7 | NO, I MEAN, COME ON |
| 8 | THIS IS A HUGE DEAL. |
| 9 | COME ON, I NEED MORE DETAILS. |
| 10 | LIKE, WHO INITIATED THE FIRST KISS? |
| 11 | I DON'T KNOW. |
| 12 | IS HE ROMANTIC WITH HER? |
| 13 | I DON'T KNOW. |
| 14 | ARE THEY IN LOVE? |
| 15 | I DON'T KNOW. |
| 16 | YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING. |
| 17 | OH, I KNOW ONE THING. |
| 18 | WHAT? |
| 19 | THEY DID IT RIGHT THERE |
| 20 | ON THE COUCH YESTERDAY. |
| 21 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 22 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 23 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 24 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 25 | ♪ WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY, YOUR WEEK ♪ |
| 26 | ♪ YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 27 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 28 | ♪ WHEN THE RAIN STARTS TO POUR ♪ |
| 29 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 30 | ♪ LIKE I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE ♪ |
| 31 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 32 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME, TOO. ♪ |
| 33 | HEY, ROSS. |
| 34 | HEY. YEAH. |
| 35 | HEY, GUNTHER, COULD I HAVE A SCONE, PLEASE? |
| 36 | WANT TO HEAR SOME GOOD NEWS? |
| 37 | SOMEONE I KNOW IS GETTING MARRIED. |
| 38 | YEAH, AND WEDDINGS ARE HAPPY OCCASIONS. |
| 39 | OH, BY-THE-BY, IT'S MY EX-WIFE, EMILY. |
| 40 | ( all gasp ) |
| 41 | I'M SORRY, MAN. |
| 42 | HERE'S YOUR SCONE. |
| 43 | THANKS, GUNTHER. |
| 44 | THANKS. |
| 45 | STUPID BRITISH SNACK FOOD! |
| 46 | DID THEY TEACH YOU THAT |
| 47 | IN YOUR ANGER MANAGEMENT CLASS? |
| 48 | HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT MIGHT HELP YOU DEAL WITH IT? |
| 49 | THINK OF IT THIS WAY... |
| 50 | YOU AND EMILY ARE IN THE PAST. |
| 51 | AND YOU CAN'T BE MAD ABOUT THE PAST. |
| 52 | ARE YOU STILL MAD ABOUT THE LOUISIANA PURCHASE? |
| 53 | I DON'T THINK ANYBODY'S MAD ABOUT THAT. |
| 54 | EXACTLY, BECAUSE IT'S IN THE PAST. |
| 55 | ANYBODY GOING TO EAT THAT? |
| 56 | LOOK AT US, ALL DRESSED UP |
| 57 | FOR THE BIG OFFICE PARTY. |
| 58 | WHAT ARE WE CELEBRATING? |
| 59 | WE HAD LIQUOR LEFT OVER FROM THE CHRISTMAS PARTY. |
| 60 | I THINK THIS IS SO COOL. |
| 61 | NONE OF OUR FRIENDS ARE HERE |
| 62 | SO WE CAN BE A REAL COUPLE |
| 63 | WE DON'T HAVE TO HIDE. |
| 64 | I KNOW, I CAN DO THIS. |
| 65 | OOH. |
| 66 | AND I CAN DO THIS. |
| 67 | Both: WE CAN'T DO THAT, NO. |
| 68 | HEY, BING. |
| 69 | WHOA... WHO'S THE PRETTY LADY |
| 70 | AND WHAT THE HELL IS SHE DOING WITH YOU? |
| 71 | I ASK MYSELF THAT VERY QUESTION, SIR. |
| 72 | THIS IS MONICA. |
| 73 | THIS IS MY BOSS, DOUG. |
| 74 | DOUG, THIS IS MONICA. NICE TO MEET YOU. |
| 75 | HI, THIS IS MY WIFE, KARA. |
| 76 | NICE TO MEET YOU, MONICA. |
| 77 | BING! OKAY. |
| 78 | HEY, BING, DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE NEW LAW FIRM |
| 79 | WE GOT WORKING FOR US? |
| 80 | NO, SIR. |
| 81 | YEAH, DEWEY, CHEATEM & HOWE. |
| 82 | ( forced laugh ) |
| 83 | COME ON, HONEY |
| 84 | LET'S GO DRINK OUR BODY WEIGHT, HUH? |
| 85 | WHAT WAS THAT? |
| 86 | WHAT? |
| 87 | THAT NOISE YOU JUST MADE. |
| 88 | OH, THAT WAS MY WORK LAUGH. |
| 89 | REALLY? YOUR WORK LAUGH? |
| 90 | BELIEVE ME, IF YOU'RE GOING TO SURVIVE THIS PARTY |
| 91 | YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO COME UP WITH ONE, TOO. |
| 92 | ALL RIGHT, CHECK ME OUT. |
| 93 | OKAY. |
| 94 | ...HE SAYS, "$30, FATHER, SAME AS IN TOWN." |
| 95 | ( high pitched laugh ) |
| 96 | HEY, EVERYBODY AT WORK, LOVED YOU LAST NIGHT. |
| 97 | REALLY? |
| 98 | AND THEY LIKE ME MORE |
| 99 | JUST BECAUSE I WAS WITH YOU. |
| 100 | I THINK YOU REPAIRED A LOT OF THE DAMAGE |
| 101 | FROM WHEN THEY MET JOEY. |
| 102 | AND DOUG WANTS US TO PLAY TENNIS WITH HIM. |
| 103 | HE'S NEVER EVEN TALKED TO ME OUTSIDE OF WORK. |
| 104 | EXCEPT FOR THAT TIME WHEN WE BUMPED INTO EACH OTHER |
| 105 | AT THAT STRIP CLUB. |
| 106 | STRIP... CHURCH. |
| 107 | ANYWAY, I'M GOING TO GO TRY TO FIND A RACKET. |
| 108 | I THOUGHT YOU HAD ONE. |
| 109 | OH, I USED TO |
| 110 | BUT THEN JOEY THOUGHT IT WOULD BE FUN |
| 111 | TO GO TO CENTRAL PARK |
| 112 | AND HIT ROCKS AT BIGGER ROCKS. |
| 113 | HEY, RACH, DO YOU HAVE A TENNIS RACKET? |
| 114 | OH, I LENT IT TO JOEY |
| 115 | AND I'VE NEVER ACTUALLY GOTTEN IT BACK. |
| 116 | OKAY, GOOD LUCK WITH THAT. |
| 117 | HEY, WHAT'S UP? HEY. |
| 118 | WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? |
| 119 | I THOUGHT YOU HAD TO DO INVENTORY ALL DAY. |
| 120 | WELL, YEAH, I DO. |
| 121 | BUT, YOU KNOW, I DECIDED I WOULD TAKE A LONG LUNCH |
| 122 | AND SPEND SOME TIME WITH MY FRIEND, MONICA. |
| 123 | YOU KNOW, I FEEL LIKE WE DON'T TALK ANYMORE. |
| 124 | HOW ARE YOU? |
| 125 | WHAT IS NEW WITH YOU? |
| 126 | UM, NOT MUCH. |
| 127 | UH... WORK'S GOOD. |
| 128 | OH, YOU KNOW, WE DON'T HAVE TO TALK ABOUT WORK. |
| 129 | WE CAN TALK ABOUT ANYTHING. |
| 130 | OKAY, UM... |
| 131 | HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 132 | LET'S TALK ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS. |
| 133 | OKAY, WHAT'S GOING ON WITH YOU? |
| 134 | NOTHING. |
| 135 | YOU GO. |
| 136 | WELL, THERE WAS THIS GUY |
| 137 | AT THE BANK THAT I THOUGHT WAS CUTE. |
| 138 | UM, BUT I DON'T ANYMORE. |
| 139 | WOW, THAT'S JUICY. |
| 140 | YOU KNOW WHAT, THOUGH, MON? |
| 141 | I ACTUALLY DO HAVE A LOT OF WORK TO DO. |
| 142 | SO, IF YOU'RE SURE THERE'S JUST NOT ANYTHING ELSE...? |
| 143 | YES, I'M SURE. |
| 144 | RACHEL, IS THERE SOMETHING |
| 145 | THAT YOU WANT TO TALK TO ME ABOUT? |
| 146 | ( sharply ): NO. |
| 147 | I... |
| 148 | IF THERE WAS, I WOULDN'T TELL YOU. |
| 149 | ( duck quacking ) |
| 150 | OKAY, THEN WHAT HAPPENED? |
| 151 | OH... |
| 152 | UH-HUH, UH-HUH. |
| 153 | ( chicken clucks ) |
| 154 | YOU'LL GET YOUR TURN. |
| 155 | HEY, PHEEBS. HEY. |
| 156 | WHAT'S GOING ON? NOTHING. |
| 157 | THIS IS NOT OVER. |
| 158 | NO, NO, NO. |
| 159 | WHAT? |
| 160 | I WAS UP ALL NIGHT |
| 161 | WRITING THIS REALLY NASTY LETTER TO EMILY. |
| 162 | IT WAS PERFECT. |
| 163 | AND NOW IT'S ALL COVERED IN... |
| 164 | ACTUALLY, THANKS. |
| 165 | ALL RIGHT, EVERYBODY READY TO GO TO THE MOVIES? |
| 166 | UH, ACTUALLY I THINK I'M GOING TO SKIP IT. |
| 167 | REALLY? |
| 168 | YEAH, I'M GOING TO STAY AND READ MY BOOK. |
| 169 | I JUST WANT TO BE ALONE RIGHT NOW. |
| 170 | OH, SURE YOU DON'T WANT TO COME? |
| 171 | TOM HANKS, MEG RYAN... |
| 172 | THEY GET MAIL AND STUFF. |
| 173 | THAT'S OKAY, JOE. |
| 174 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 175 | ( duck quacking ) |
| 176 | OOH... OH, GOD. |
| 177 | BING. |
| 178 | ( screams ) |
| 179 | GAME. |
| 180 | WELL, I GOT TO TELL YOU, BING. |
| 181 | THAT PARTNER OF YOURS IS A REAL TIGER. |
| 182 | ARE YOU ALL RIGHT, SWEETHEART? |
| 183 | WE'RE JUST GOING TO GET A LITTLE SIP OF WATER. |
| 184 | AM I ON FIRE TODAY, OR WHAT? |
| 185 | THOSE BIRDS ARE BROWN, BASTED |
| 186 | AND READY TO BE CARVED. |
| 187 | OKAY... EASY, MARTINA. |
| 188 | LISTEN, I THINK WE SHOULD LET THEM WIN THE NEXT GAME. |
| 189 | I'M SORRY, I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU JUST SAID. |
| 190 | LET THEM WIN ONE. |
| 191 | ARE YOU CRAZY? |
| 192 | WE OWN THOSE TWO. |
| 193 | LOOK AT THEM. |
| 194 | HE CAN'T EVEN BREATHE AND SHE'S POPPIN' PILLS. |
| 195 | YOU'RE NOT EVEN GIVING THEM A CHANCE. |
| 196 | THEY HAVE RACKETS, DON'T THEY? |
| 197 | UH, BING, I THINK WE'RE |
| 198 | GOING TO MAKE THIS THE LAST GAME. |
| 199 | OH, YES, SIR. |
| 200 | PUT ME OUT OF MY MISERY. |
| 201 | ARE YOU SURE YOU NEVER PLAYED PRO? |
| 202 | PLEASE LET THEM WIN. |
| 203 | I'LL TAKE IT DOWN TO 95% |
| 204 | BUT THAT'S THE BEST I CAN DO. |
| 205 | OOPSEY, MISSED IT. |
| 206 | I GOT IT. |
| 207 | NICE SHOT. |
| 208 | I GOT IT. |
| 209 | LONG. |
| 210 | I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU LET THEM WIN. |
| 211 | YEAH, AT LEAST YOU HID YOUR FEELINGS WELL ABOUT IT. |
| 212 | I WAS FRUSTRATED. |
| 213 | IT WAS MY RACKET. |
| 214 | I WAS FRUSTRATED WITH YOU. |
| 215 | IF WE HADN'T LOST THE GAME |
| 216 | THEY WOULD NEVER HAVE INVITED US |
| 217 | TO DINNER TOMORROW NIGHT. |
| 218 | YOU KNOW WHAT REALLY BOTHERS ME? |
| 219 | IT'S HOW DIFFERENT YOU ACT AROUND THEM. |
| 220 | I MEAN, THE THROWING THE TENNIS GAMES |
| 221 | THE FAKE LAUGH, THE "SEE YA LATER, BING." |
| 222 | "NOT IF I SEE YOU FIRST, DOUG." |
| 223 | "AH, AH, AH, AH!" |
| 224 | I GOT TO TELL YOU |
| 225 | I DON'T LIKE "WORK CHANDLER." |
| 226 | THE GUY'S A SUCK-UP. |
| 227 | OKAY, BECAUSE YOU SAID THAT |
| 228 | I'M NOT PUTTING OUT TONIGHT. |
| 229 | I'M TELLING YOU, SOMETHING'S WRONG. |
| 230 | MY BROTHER DOES NOT STAY OUT ALL NIGHT. |
| 231 | MAYBE WE SHOULD CHECK THE TRASH CHUTE. |
| 232 | ROSS COULDN'T FIT DOWN THE TRASH CHUTE. |
| 233 | THAT'S RIGHT, HE ALMOST COULD. |
| 234 | WHICH IS EXACTLY HOW I GOT STUCK THERE. |
| 235 | HEY. |
| 236 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 237 | WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN? |
| 238 | JUST... YOU KNOW, OUT. |
| 239 | OH... OUT. |
| 240 | OH, GOD, I DON'T KNOW WHY |
| 241 | WE DIDN'T THINK TO CHECK THERE. |
| 242 | WHAT WERE YOU DOING? |
| 243 | I, UH... WENT TO A BAR. |
| 244 | AND THEN I JUST WALKED AROUND FOR A WHILE. |
| 245 | YOU WALK AROUND ALL NIGHT |
| 246 | IN THE CITY BY YOURSELF? |
| 247 | HE HOOKED UP. |
| 248 | HE HOOKED UP WITH SOMEONE. |
| 249 | LOOK, I DON'T HAVE TO ANSWER YOUR QUESTIONS, OKAY? |
| 250 | I'M A BIG BOY. I CAN DO WHATEVER I WANT. |
| 251 | HE HOOKED UP. |
| 252 | TELL US ABOUT HER. |
| 253 | ROSS, YOU LET YOUR SCARF IN... |
| 254 | HEY, YOU GUYS. |
| 255 | ( horselike giggles ) |
| 256 | O-O-OKAY. OKAY. |
| 257 | I KNOW WHAT YOU ALL ARE THINKING |
| 258 | BUT CHANDLER IS IN YEMEN. |
| 259 | I'M A YOUNG WOMAN. I HAVE NEEDS. |
| 260 | I CAN'T WAIT FOREVER. |
| 261 | YEAH, NO, THAT'S WHAT I WAS THINKING. |
| 262 | SO I'M ASKING YOU, PLEASE |
| 263 | JUST TAKE A MOMENT BEFORE YOU JUDGE ME. |
| 264 | OH, NOBODY'S JUDGING YOU. |
| 265 | OH. OKAY. |
| 266 | YOU, MR. "RIGHT PLACE AT THE RIGHT TIME..." |
| 267 | CALL ME. |
| 268 | ( braying laughter ) |
| 269 | OKAY, LOOK, I KNOW WHAT YOU GUYS ARE GOING TO SAY. |
| 270 | YOU TWO WOULD HAVE VERY HAIRY CHILDREN. |
| 271 | OKAY, I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WOULD SAY THAT. |
| 272 | ROSS? JANICE? |
| 273 | ALL RIGHT, HOLD ON. |
| 274 | HOLD ON. HOLD ON. |
| 275 | THIS IS ROSS. |
| 276 | OKAY? |
| 277 | HE'S OUR FRIEND. |
| 278 | HE OBVIOUSLY WENT CRAZY. |
| 279 | HE OBVIOUSLY LOST HIS MIND. |
| 280 | NO, I DIDN'T LOSE MY MIND. |
| 281 | OKAY? JANICE AND I HAVE A LOT IN COMMON. |
| 282 | WE'VE... WE'VE BOTH BEEN DIVORCED. |
| 283 | WE... WE BOTH HAVE KIDS. |
| 284 | SO ARE YOU ACTUALLY GOING TO SEE HER AGAIN? |
| 285 | PHOEBE, DON'T PUT IDEAS IN HIS HEAD. |
| 286 | I AM GOING TO SEE HER AGAIN. |
| 287 | DAMN IT, PHOEBE! |
| 288 | OKAY, I HAVE TO TELL YOU SOMETHING |
| 289 | THAT I'VE NEVER ADMITTED THROUGHOUT OUR ENTIRE FRIENDSHIP |
| 290 | BUT WHEN WE WERE IN HIGH SCHOOL |
| 291 | I MADE OUT WITH JAMES FARROW |
| 292 | EVEN THOUGH I KNEW THAT YOU LIKED HIM. |
| 293 | WOW, THAT FEELS SO GOOD TO GET OFF MY CHEST. |
| 294 | OKAY, YOU GO. |
| 295 | MY TURN? |
| 296 | W-WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? |
| 297 | MONICA... I KNOW ABOUT YOU AND CHANDLER. |
| 298 | WHAT? |
| 299 | I OVERHEARD YOU GUYS ON THE PHONE THE OTHER DAY |
| 300 | AND YOU SAID, "I'LL JUST TELL RACHEL |
| 301 | THAT I'M DOING LAUNDRY FOR A COUPLE OF HOURS." |
| 302 | AND HE SAID, "LAUNDRY? "IS THAT MY NEW NICKNAME?" |
| 303 | AND YOU SAID, "NO. |
| 304 | YOU KNOW WHAT YOUR NICKNAME IS, MR. BIG." |
| 305 | WELL... SOUNDS LIKE YOU'RE WRITING YOURSELF |
| 306 | A LITTLE PLAY THERE, RACH. |
| 307 | WOW, I... LET ME KNOW HOW THAT ONE TURNS OUT. |
| 308 | WELL, I WOULDN'T KNOW |
| 309 | BECAUSE I GOT SO FREAKED OUT I HUNG UP THE PHONE. |
| 310 | WELL, IF YOU HAD KEPT LISTENING |
| 311 | Y-YOU WOULD HAVE HEARD ME CALL HIM MR. BIG... IT. |
| 312 | WHAT? |
| 313 | MR. BIGOT. |
| 314 | I MEAN.... |
| 315 | HE TELLS THE MOST RACIST JOKES. |
| 316 | ALL RIGHT. SO THAT'S IT? |
| 317 | YOU'RE TELLING ME THERE'S NOTHING GOING ON |
| 318 | BETWEEN YOU AND CHANDLER? |
| 319 | ME AND CHANDLER? |
| 320 | ( work laughter ) |
| 321 | ALL RIGHT, PUT YOUR 20 BUCKS DOWN. |
| 322 | FIRST ONE TO FIND THE TASTY TREAT WINS. OKAY? |
| 323 | MM-HMM. |
| 324 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 325 | LET'S GET THE CONTESTANTS OUT OF THEIR ISOLATION BOOTHS. |
| 326 | AND THEY'RE OFF. |
| 327 | OH... |
| 328 | GET YOUR FOOT OFF MY CONTESTANT. JUDGE? |
| 329 | JUDGE RULES NO VIOLATION. |
| 330 | ( sighing ) |
| 331 | HEY, GUYS. |
| 332 | HEY. YEAH. |
| 333 | YOU KNOW WHAT? IT'S SO WEIRD TO SAY THIS |
| 334 | BUT I JUST HAD A GREAT DATE WITH JANICE. |
| 335 | WHAT? |
| 336 | ARE YOU SERIOUS? |
| 337 | YEAH. I OPENED UP TO HER ABOUT ALL THE TERRIBLE STUFF |
| 338 | THAT'S BEEN HAPPENING TO ME. |
| 339 | I MEAN, I TALKED FOR HOURS. |
| 340 | IT IS AMAZING |
| 341 | TO HAVE SOMEONE GIVE YOU SUCH... SUCH FOCUSED ATTENTION. |
| 342 | YOU DON'T NEED JANICE FOR THAT. |
| 343 | YOU'VE GOT US. |
| 344 | THE DUCK GETS A NUTTER BUTTER. |
| 345 | EEW! OH, HEY, THAT'S NOT |
| 346 | A NUTTER BUTTER. |
| 347 | THAT'S JUST AN OLD WONTON. |
| 348 | JUDGE RULES... |
| 349 | NUTTER BUTTER. |
| 350 | ( groaning ) |
| 351 | TOUGH CALL. YEAH. |
| 352 | ( laughter ) |
| 353 | BUT, SERIOUSLY, I STRONGLY BELIEVE |
| 354 | THAT WE SHOULD ALL SUPPORT PRESIDENT CLINTON |
| 355 | AND HER HUSBAND, BILL. |
| 356 | ( guys laughing obnoxiously ) |
| 357 | SO, HOW DO YOU KIDS LIKE YOUR COFFEE? |
| 358 | OH, NONE FOR ME, THANKS. |
| 359 | A LITTLE BIT OF SUGAR. |
| 360 | I'LL BRING IT OUT |
| 361 | AND HAVE MONICA STICK HER FINGER IN IT. |
| 362 | THAT'LL SWEETEN IT UP. |
| 363 | ( guys laughing ) |
| 364 | HOW DOES THAT LAUGH NOT GIVE YOU A HEADACHE? |
| 365 | OH, YOU GET USED TO IT. |
| 366 | I-I DON'T THINK THAT I CAN |
| 367 | SO, IF YOU DON'T MIND |
| 368 | MAYBE THIS WILL BE IT FOR ME ON THE WORK THINGS. |
| 369 | SO I LAUGH AT MY BOSS'S JOKES. |
| 370 | WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL? |
| 371 | I'D RATHER NOT HANG OUT |
| 372 | WITH THIS SNIVELING, WORK-WEASEL GUY |
| 373 | WHEN I COULD BE HANGING OUT WITH MY BOYFRIEND, WHO I ACTUALLY RESPECT. |
| 374 | OH. |
| 375 | AH. I GOT TO APOLOGIZE FOR KARA'S COFFEE, YOU KNOW? |
| 376 | FEEL SORRY FOR IT IF IT EVER GOT IN A FIGHT. |
| 377 | IT'S NOT STRONG ENOUGH TO DEFEND ITSELF. |
| 378 | ( laughing ) |
| 379 | ( laughter tapers off ) |
| 380 | DID YOU HEAR WHAT I SAID, BING? |
| 381 | WHAT? |
| 382 | IT'S A JOKE, BING. |
| 383 | WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU? |
| 384 | WELL, I-I, I JUST DIDN'T THINK IT WAS FUNNY, SIR. |
| 385 | EXCUSE ME? |
| 386 | WELL, I-I JUST... |
| 387 | HONEY, I JUST DON'T THINK THAT YOU UNDERSTOOD THE JOKE. |
| 388 | REALLY? |
| 389 | YEAH. I MEAN... |
| 390 | IT WAS REALLY FUNNY. |
| 391 | I JUST DON'T THINK THAT YOU GOT IT. |
| 392 | YOU SEE, KARA'S COFFEE IS, IS, IS WEAK TASTING |
| 393 | OKAY, BUT WHAT DOUG DID WAS TO IMPLY |
| 394 | THAT IT WAS WEAK PHYSICALLY. |
| 395 | YOU GET IT NOW, HONEY? |
| 396 | I THINK I DO. |
| 397 | ( both laughing obnoxiously ) |
| 398 | ( Doug joins in ) |
| 399 | THANK YOU, MONICA. |
| 400 | I THOUGHT YOU COULD USE THE HELP. |
| 401 | COFFEE IN A FIGHT! |
| 402 | ( both laughing ) |
| 403 | HEY, RACH. |
| 404 | DO YOU MIND IF I READ MY COMIC BOOKS IN HERE? |
| 405 | SURE. WHY? |
| 406 | OH, WELL |
| 407 | CHANDLER AND MONICA ARE OVER THERE |
| 408 | AND, YOU KNOW, IT'S KIND OF HARD TO CONCENTRATE. |
| 409 | WHAT?! SHE JUST CALLED |
| 410 | AND SAID THAT SHE WAS GOING TO BE WORKING LATE. |
| 411 | OKAY, SHE KEEPS LYING TO ME. |
| 412 | THAT'S IT. YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 413 | I'M GOING TO GO OVER THERE |
| 414 | AND I'M CONFRONTING THEM RIGHT NOW. |
| 415 | Chandler: ALL RIGHT, SO YOU'RE TELLING ME |
| 416 | THAT I HAVE TO TELL RACIST JOKES NOW? |
| 417 | Monica: I'M SORRY. I'M NOT VERY GOOD AT THIS. |
| 418 | I'M A TERRIBLE LIAR |
| 419 | AND I HATE HAVING TO LIE TO RACHEL. |
| 420 | YEAH, BUT WE'RE NOT READY TO TELL YET. |
| 421 | I KNOW. IT'S JUST THAT |
| 422 | EVER SINCE HIGH SCHOOL, RACHEL WAS THE ONE PERSON |
| 423 | THAT I TOLD EVERYTHING TO, YOU KNOW? |
| 424 | I MISS THAT SO MUCH NOW. |
| 425 | SHE'S MY BEST FRIEND. |
| 426 | ( gasping ) |
| 427 | JOEY? |
| 428 | OH, MY GOD. RACHEL. |
| 429 | HEY! HI! |
| 430 | W-W-W-WHAT, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? |
| 431 | WELL, I WAS ACTUALLY... |
| 432 | I CAME OVER HERE TO BORROW THIS LAMP... |
| 433 | TO, UM, LOOK AT MY BOOKS, YOU KNOW? |
| 434 | SEE 'EM A LITTLE BETTER. |
| 435 | OKAY, GREAT. GREAT. UM... |
| 436 | W-WHAT I WAS DOING IN CHANDLER'S ROOM |
| 437 | IS THAT, UM, WELL, I WAS CLEANING IT. |
| 438 | OH. |
| 439 | IN FACT, HE PAYS ME TO CLEAN IT. |
| 440 | OH! WHAT A, YOU KNOW, GREAT WAY TO MAKE SOME EXTRA POCKET MONEY. |
| 441 | YEAH. YOU KNOW, WHEN I SAID TO YOU EARLIER |
| 442 | THAT I WAS AT WORK, UM... |
| 443 | I'M AT MY NEW WORK. |
| 444 | GOOD ENOUGH. RIGHT? |
| 445 | OKAY, WELL, UM... |
| 446 | I'M GOING TO GO LOOK AT MY BOOKS. |
| 447 | OKAY. |
| 448 | OKAY. |
| 449 | GO GET BACK TO MY NEW JOB. |
| 450 | OKAY. |
| 451 | CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR NEW JOB. |
| 452 | ( door opens and shuts ) |
| 453 | MAN, SHE IS REALLY GULLIBLE. |
| 454 | ( whistling ) |
| 455 | HERE YOU GO. |
| 456 | OH, THANKS. |
| 457 | ACTUALLY, I SHOULD GET GOING. |
| 458 | OH, Y-YOU SURE? |
| 459 | BECAUSE I CAN STAY OUT AS LATE AS YOU WANT. |
| 460 | I TOLD YOU HOW I'M ON SABBATICAL FROM WORK, RIGHT? |
| 461 | YES, YES, YOU DID. |
| 462 | ( laughing ) |
| 463 | ( whining ): OH, MAN! |
| 464 | WHAT IS WRONG NOW? |
| 465 | THIS ISN'T WHAT I ORDERED! |
| 466 | MAN, CAN'T ANYTHING GO RIGHT IN MY LIFE?! |
| 467 | FIRST MY MARRIAGE FALLS APART, AND THEN I... |
| 468 | I KNOW, I KNOW! |
| 469 | AND THEN YOU LOSE YOUR APARTMENT |
| 470 | AND THEN YOU LOSE YOUR JOB |
| 471 | AND THEN YOUR EX-WIFE GETS MARRIED SO FAST |
| 472 | AND NOW THE COFFEE... AAH! |
| 473 | ROSS. |
| 474 | WE NEED TO TALK. |
| 475 | OKAY. SOMETIMES I FEEL... |
| 476 | NO-NO-NO-NO, NO, NO. |
| 477 | I'M GOING TO TALK. |
| 478 | I BELIEVE THAT THE SUN HAS SET ON OUR... |
| 479 | DAY IN THE SUN. |
| 480 | WHAT? |
| 481 | YOU'RE A VERY SWEET PERSON, ROSS... UM... |
| 482 | UNFORTUNATELY, I JUST DON'T THINK |
| 483 | I CAN TAKE ANOTHER SECOND OF YOU WHINING! |
| 484 | UH, LET ME MAKE SURE I'M HEARING THIS RIGHT. YOU... |
| 485 | YOU'RE ENDING THIS WITH ME |
| 486 | BECAUSE I'M TOO WHINY? |
| 487 | MMM. |
| 488 | SO, YOU'RE SAYING |
| 489 | I'VE BECOME SO WHINY |
| 490 | THAT I |
| 491 | ANNOY YOU. |
| 492 | JANICE. |
| 493 | WELL, YEAH! |
| 494 | OH. MY. GOD. |
| 495 | ARE YOU GOING TO BE OKAY? |
| 496 | I AM NOW. |
| 497 | OKAY. |
| 498 | UH... HI. |
| 499 | OH, HI. |
| 500 | WELL... |
| 501 | I GUESS THAT'S TWO OUT OF THREE. |
| 502 | JOEY. |
| 503 | ( braying laugh ) |
| 504 | DUDE, WE GOT TO TALK. |
| 505 | OKAY. |
| 506 | I JUST WANTED TO TELL YOU SOMETHING |
| 507 | BEFORE YOU HEARD IT FROM SOMEONE ELSE |
| 508 | AND I HOPE THIS ISN'T TOO WEIRD |
| 509 | BUT, UH... |
| 510 | I HAD A-A THING WITH JANICE. |
| 511 | ( cracking up ) |
| 512 | WHAT, YOU'RE, YOU'RE NOT MAD? |
| 513 | WHY WOULD I BE MAD? |
| 514 | WELL, BECAUSE, YOU KNOW, THERE ARE CERTAIN RULES |
| 515 | ABOUT THIS KIND OF STUFF. |
| 516 | YOU DON'T, UH, YOU DON'T FOOL AROUND |
| 517 | WITH YOUR FRIENDS' EX-GIRLFRIENDS |
| 518 | OR, UH |
| 519 | POSSIBLE GIRLFRIENDS, OR GIRLS THEY'RE RELATED TO. |
| 520 | I AM MAD. |
| 521 | BUT YOU KNOW WHAT I'M GONNA DO? |
| 522 | I'M GONNA FORGIVE YOU, BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT FRIENDS DO. |
| 523 | THEY FORGIVE THEIR FRIENDS |
| 524 | WHEN THEY DO EVERYTHING YOU JUST SAID. |
| 525 | ALL THE THINGS ON THE LIST THERE. |
| 526 | THANK YOU. WELL |
| 527 | BUT I WANT YOU TO REMEMBER THAT I FORGAVE YOU. |
| 528 | OKAY. |
| 529 | I ALSO WANT YOU TO REMEMBER |
| 530 | THAT I LET YOU LIVE HERE RENT FREE. |
| 531 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 532 | AND I WANT YOU TO REMEMBER THAT I GAVE YOU $27. |
| 533 | NO STRINGS ATTACHED. |
| 534 | IF YOU CAN'T REMEMBER THAT |
| 535 | I THINK WE SHOULD WRITE IT DOWN. LET'S WRITE IT DOWN. |
| 536 | [Captioned by The Caption Center WGBH Educational Foundation] |
| 537 | |
| 1 | I CAN'T BELIEVE WE'VE NEVER DONE THIS BEFORE. |
| 2 | THIS IS SO GOOD... |
| 3 | SO GOOD FOR MONICA. |
| 4 | ( bell dings ) |
| 5 | OH, LOOK AT THAT. TIME'S UP. MY TURN. |
| 6 | THAT WAS A HALF AN HOUR? |
| 7 | IT'S YOUR TIMER. |
| 8 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 9 | YOU KNOW, I DON'T LIKE TO BRAG ABOUT IT |
| 10 | BUT I GIVE, LIKE, THE BEST MASSAGES. |
| 11 | ALL RIGHT. THEN MASSAGE ME UP RIGHT NICE. |
| 12 | AH! AH! AH! |
| 13 | IT'S SO GOOD, ISN'T IT? |
| 14 | IT'S SO GOOD, I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'VE DONE TO DESERVE IT. |
| 15 | OH, GOD. |
| 16 | SAY GOOD-BYE TO SORE MUSCLES. |
| 17 | GOOD-BYE, MUSCLES. |
| 18 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 19 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 20 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 21 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 22 | ♪ WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY, YOUR WEEK ♪ |
| 23 | ♪ YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 24 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 25 | ♪ WHEN THE RAIN STARTS TO POUR ♪ |
| 26 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 27 | ♪ LIKE I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE ♪ |
| 28 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 29 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME, TOO. ♪ |
| 30 | I'M TELLING YOU, SHE GIVES THE WORST MASSAGES EVER, OKAY? |
| 31 | IT WAS LIKE SHE WAS TORTURING ME FOR INFORMATION |
| 32 | AND I WANTED TO GIVE IT UP. |
| 33 | I JUST... I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT IT WAS. |
| 34 | LOOK, CHANDLER, IF IT REALLY HURTS THAT BAD |
| 35 | YOU SHOULD JUST TELL HER. |
| 36 | LOOK. FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE |
| 37 | I'M IN A REAL RELATIONSHIP, OKAY? |
| 38 | I'M NOT GOING TO SCREW THAT UP |
| 39 | BY, YOU KNOW, TELLING THE TRUTH. |
| 40 | HEY. |
| 41 | WHOA, DUDE, LOOK OUT. |
| 42 | DUDE, YOU ALMOST CRUSHED MY HAT. |
| 43 | I'M-I'M SORRY. |
| 44 | AND THE BUNNY GOT AWAY. |
| 45 | THIS WOULD BE THE PLACE WHERE YOU EXPLAIN THE HAT. |
| 46 | OH, YEAH. |
| 47 | THERE'S THIS PLAY, RIGHT? |
| 48 | AND I'M UP FOR THE PART OF THIS REAL COOL, LIKE, SUAVE, INTERNATIONAL GUY-- |
| 49 | A REAL CLOTHESHORSE. |
| 50 | SO I FIGURE EVERYONE AT THE AUDITION |
| 51 | IS GOING TO BE WEARING THIS KIND OF, YOU KNOW |
| 52 | ULTRA-HIP, HIGH FASHION STUFF. |
| 53 | AND YOU'RE GOING TO MAKE THEM ALL DISAPPEAR. |
| 54 | YEAH. LIKE YOU COULD FIND SOMETHING |
| 55 | AS SOPHISTICATED AS THIS. |
| 56 | ( derisive chuckle ) |
| 57 | DONE. |
| 58 | JOEY, IF YOU WANT TO LOOK GOOD |
| 59 | WHY DON'T YOU JUST COME DOWN TO THE STORE. |
| 60 | I'LL HELP YOU OUT. |
| 61 | OH, GREAT. THANKS, RACH. |
| 62 | SURE. GOD, PLEASE TAKE THOSE OFF. |
| 63 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 64 | Ross: HEY, PHEEBS, HOW'S IT GOING? |
| 65 | HEY. |
| 66 | WELL, ONLY OKAY |
| 67 | 'CAUSE I JUST GOT BACK FROM THE HOSPITAL. |
| 68 | IS EVERYTHING OKAY? ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? |
| 69 | I'M FINE. I'M OKAY, BUT MY GRANDMA SORT OF DIED. |
| 70 | Joey: OH, PHEEBS, SORRY. |
| 71 | IT'S OKAY. |
| 72 | I MEAN, SHE HAD A REALLY INCREDIBLE LIFE |
| 73 | AND IT'S NOT LIKE I'M NEVER GOING TO SEE HER AGAIN, YOU KNOW. |
| 74 | SHE'S GOING TO VISIT. |
| 75 | WELL, MAYBE... |
| 76 | MAYBE SHE'S WITH US RIGHT NOW. |
| 77 | YEAH, RIGHT. |
| 78 | HER FIRST DAY ON A NEW SPIRITUAL PLANE |
| 79 | AND SHE'S GOING TO COME TO THE COFFEEHOUSE. |
| 80 | YOU GUYS, YOU GUYS, I JUST SAW |
| 81 | TWO PEOPLE HAVING SEX IN A CAR RIGHT OUTSIDE. |
| 82 | UH, PHEEBS' GRANDMOTHER JUST DIED. |
| 83 | OH. OH, MY GOD. |
| 84 | I'M SO SORRY. |
| 85 | IT'S OKAY. |
| 86 | ACTUALLY, YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 87 | IT'S KIND OF COOL, 'CAUSE IT'S, LIKE... |
| 88 | YOU KNOW, ONE LIFE ENDS AND ANOTHER BEGINS. |
| 89 | NOT THE WAY THEY'RE DOING IT. |
| 90 | WHAT... WHAT HAPPENED? |
| 91 | I'M SORRY. HOW DID SHE DIE? |
| 92 | WELL, OKAY. WE WERE IN THE MARKET |
| 93 | AND SHE BENT DOWN TO GET SOME YOGURT |
| 94 | AND SHE JUST NEVER CAME BACK UP AGAIN. |
| 95 | PHEEBS, I'M SO SORRY. |
| 96 | IT WAS REALLY SWEET. |
| 97 | THE LAST THING SHE SAID TO ME |
| 98 | WAS, "OKAY, DEAR, YOU GO GET THE EGGS |
| 99 | "AND I'M GOING TO GET THE YOGURT |
| 100 | AND WE'LL MEET AT THE CHECKOUT COUNTER." |
| 101 | WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 102 | WE WILL MEET AT THE CHECKOUT COUNTER. |
| 103 | JOEY, YOU KNOW THAT SINCE YOU'RE RETURNING |
| 104 | ALL THIS STUFF AFTER THE AUDITION |
| 105 | YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO WEAR UNDERWEAR. |
| 106 | ALL RIGHT. WELL, YOU BETTER SHOW ME SOME OF THAT, TOO, THEN. |
| 107 | OKAY. IT'S MISSING SOMETHING. |
| 108 | OH, I KNOW. |
| 109 | UM, OKAY. |
| 110 | REALLY? A PURSE? |
| 111 | IT'S NOT A PURSE. |
| 112 | IT'S A SHOULDER BAG. |
| 113 | LOOKS LIKE A WOMAN'S PURSE. |
| 114 | NO, JOEY. LOOK, TRUST ME. |
| 115 | I'M TELLING YOU, ALL OF THE MEN |
| 116 | ARE CARRYING THEM IN THE SPRING CATALOG. |
| 117 | LOOK. SEE? LOOK. MEN... CARRYING THE BAG. |
| 118 | SEE? LOOK. |
| 119 | WOMEN CARRYING THE BAG. |
| 120 | BUT IT IS ODD HOW A WOMAN'S PURSE |
| 121 | LOOKS SO GOOD ON ME, A MAN. |
| 122 | EXACTLY. |
| 123 | UNISEX. |
| 124 | MAYBE YOU NEED SEX. |
| 125 | I HAD SEX A COUPLE DAYS AGO. |
| 126 | NO, NO, JOEY. |
| 127 | "U-N-I" SEX. |
| 128 | WELL, I AIN'T GONNA SAY "NO" TO THAT. |
| 129 | Ursula: WHO IS IT? |
| 130 | IT'S PHOEBE. |
| 131 | OH, GREAT. |
| 132 | OH, YOU. |
| 133 | UM, WHAT'S UP? |
| 134 | UM, WELL, I... SORT OF HAVE SOME BAD NEWS. |
| 135 | CAN I COME IN? |
| 136 | UM, YEAH. NO, THANKS. |
| 137 | UM... WELL... UM... |
| 138 | GRANDMA DIED TODAY. |
| 139 | WOW. |
| 140 | DIDN'T SHE DIE, LIKE, FIVE YEARS AGO? |
| 141 | NO, SHE JUST DIED TODAY. |
| 142 | UM, OKAY. WE'RE HAVING |
| 143 | A MEMORIAL SERVICE TOMORROW. |
| 144 | OKAY. I KNOW I WENT TO THAT ALREADY. |
| 145 | NO, YOU DIDN'T. |
| 146 | THEN WHO'S BEEN DEAD FOR FIVE YEARS? |
| 147 | WELL, LOTS OF PEOPLE. |
| 148 | LOOK. ARE YOU COMING |
| 149 | TO THE MEMORIAL SERVICE OR NOT? |
| 150 | UM, NO. |
| 151 | SEE, I ALREADY THOUGHT |
| 152 | SHE WAS DEAD |
| 153 | SO I'VE KIND OF MADE MY PEACE WITH IT. |
| 154 | AND PLUS, I'M GOING TO A CONCERT TOMORROW, SO... |
| 155 | I'D INVITE YOU |
| 156 | BUT I ONLY HAVE TWO TICKETS LEFT. |
| 157 | FINE. |
| 158 | OKAY. ENJOY YOUR CONCERT. |
| 159 | THANKS. ENJOY YOUR FUNERAL. |
| 160 | HEY. |
| 161 | HEY. |
| 162 | WOW. YOU LOOK JUST LIKE YOUR SON, MRS. TRIBBIANI. |
| 163 | WHAT? |
| 164 | ARE YOU REFERRING TO MY MAN'S BAG? |
| 165 | AT FIRST I THOUGHT IT JUST LOOKED GOOD |
| 166 | BUT IT'S PRACTICAL, TOO. CHECK IT OUT. |
| 167 | IT'S GOT COMPARTMENTS FOR ALL YOUR STUFF-- |
| 168 | YOUR WALLET, YOUR KEYS, YOUR ADDRESS BOOK... |
| 169 | YOUR MAKEUP. |
| 170 | WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THE BAG? |
| 171 | YOUR AUDITION'S NOT TILL TOMORROW. |
| 172 | YEAH, BUT SANDWICH TIME IS RIGHT NOW. |
| 173 | JOEY, YOU KNOW YOU GET ANY MUSTARD ON THAT BAG |
| 174 | YOU CAN'T RETURN IT. |
| 175 | WHY WOULD I RETURN THIS? |
| 176 | I LOVE THIS BAG. |
| 177 | ALL RIGHT. THEN YOU OWE ME $350. |
| 178 | Joey: FINE. |
| 179 | DO YOU TAKE VASA OR MOOSTERCARD? |
| 180 | JOEY... |
| 181 | ALL RIGHT. RELAX. LOOK. I'LL PAY YOU |
| 182 | WITH THE MONEY FROM THE ACTING JOB |
| 183 | I AM DEFINITELY GOING TO GET THANKS TO YOU. |
| 184 | WHAT'S THE PART? AUNTIE MAME? |
| 185 | DON'T LISTEN TO THEM. |
| 186 | I THINK IT'S SEXY. |
| 187 | "YOU AND I" SEXY? |
| 188 | OH, HELLO, MRS. PINELLO. |
| 189 | THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR COMING. |
| 190 | OKAY. HERE'S YOUR 3-D GLASSES. |
| 191 | AND REVEREND PONG WILL TELL YOU WHEN TO PUT THEM ON. |
| 192 | HI, SWEETIE. |
| 193 | HOW ARE YOU HOLDING UP? |
| 194 | FINE. |
| 195 | HEY, PHEEBS. |
| 196 | I'M SO SORRY. |
| 197 | HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 198 | MY GRANDMA HAD THE EXACT SAME BAG. |
| 199 | HERE. I BROUGHT YOU SOME FLOWERS. |
| 200 | OH, THANKS. |
| 201 | YEAH. PULLING FLOWERS OUT OF IT |
| 202 | MAKES THE BAG LOOK A LOT MORE MASCULINE. |
| 203 | OH, I'M SORRY. |
| 204 | EXCUSE ME. IS THIS THE MEMORIAL? |
| 205 | YEAH. WELCOME. |
| 206 | HELLO. |
| 207 | HERE'S YOUR 3-D GLASSES. |
| 208 | OH... ALL RIGHT. |
| 209 | SO, HOW DID YOU KNOW FRANCES? |
| 210 | WELL, ACTUALLY... |
| 211 | I HADN'T SEEN HER FOR YEARS, BUT, UM... |
| 212 | WELL, I WAS PRETTY TIGHT WITH HER AND HER DAUGHTER. |
| 213 | REALLY? WHAT'S YOUR NAME? |
| 214 | FRANK BUFFAY. |
| 215 | YOU KNOW WHAT? STRIKE THAT. |
| 216 | MY NAME... ACTUALLY, IS-IS JOE. |
| 217 | UM... |
| 218 | JOE... UH, HILL. |
| 219 | YOU'RE FRANK BUFFAY? |
| 220 | ( whispering ): SHH! NO! |
| 221 | JOE HILL! |
| 222 | BUT YOU JUST SAID... |
| 223 | YOU KNOW WHAT? I GOT TO GO |
| 224 | AND THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR COMING. |
| 225 | BUT... |
| 226 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 227 | WHAT? |
| 228 | Monica: WHAT, HONEY? |
| 229 | THAT WAS MY DAD. |
| 230 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 231 | HEY, YOU GUYS, CHECK IT OUT, CHECK IT OUT. |
| 232 | IT'S LIKE IT'S COMING RIGHT AT ME. |
| 233 | DID YOU CATCH HIM? |
| 234 | UH-HUH. |
| 235 | WHAT DID HE SAY? |
| 236 | HE SAID, "NICE TO MEET YOU, GLENDA." |
| 237 | WELL, OBVIOUSLY, I COULDN'T GIVE HIM MY REAL NAME. |
| 238 | WHY? WHY NOT? |
| 239 | YOU SAW THE WAY HE RAN OUT OF HERE. |
| 240 | YOU THINK HE'D STICK AROUND |
| 241 | AND TALK TO THE DAUGHTER HE ABANDONED? |
| 242 | WHAT DID YOU SAY TO HIM? |
| 243 | I TOLD HIM I WAS THE EXECUTOR PERSON OF FRANCES'S WILL |
| 244 | AND THAT I NEEDED TO TALK TO HIM |
| 245 | SO I'M GOING TO MEET HIM AT THE COFFEEHOUSE LATER. |
| 246 | ( funeral music playing ) |
| 247 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 248 | WELL, I JUST CAN'T THINK ABOUT THAT NOW. |
| 249 | I-I JUST WANT TO SAY GOOD-BYE TO MY GRANDMA. |
| 250 | OKAY. LET'S GO SAY GOOD-BYE. |
| 251 | HEY. |
| 252 | I'M OFF TO MY AUDITION. |
| 253 | HOW DO I LOOK? |
| 254 | I THINK YOU LOOK GREAT. |
| 255 | JOEY, THAT BAG IS GOING TO GET YOU THAT PART. |
| 256 | AND A DATE WITH A MAN. |
| 257 | YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 258 | MAKE FUN ALL YOU WANT. |
| 259 | THIS IS A GREAT BAG, OKAY? |
| 260 | AND IT'S AS HANDY AS IT IS BECOMING. |
| 261 | NOW, JUST BECAUSE YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND SOMETHING |
| 262 | DOESN'T MAKE IT WRONG, ALL RIGHT? |
| 263 | SO, FROM NOW ON, YOU GUYS ARE GOING |
| 264 | TO HAVE TO GET USED TO THE FACT THAT JOEY COMES WITH A BAG. |
| 265 | I BETTER GO, TOO. I GOT TO GO MEET MY DAD. |
| 266 | PHEEBS, ARE YOU GOING TO TELL HIM WHO YOU ARE? |
| 267 | NO, NOT AT FIRST, 'CAUSE I DON'T WANT TO FREAK HIM OUT. |
| 268 | BUT AREN'T YOU PISSED AT HIM? |
| 269 | I MEAN, THIS GUY ABANDONED YOU. |
| 270 | I GOT TO TELL YOU, IF IT WERE ME |
| 271 | THIS GUY WOULD BE IN SOME SERIOUS PHYSICAL DANGER. |
| 272 | I-I-I'D WALK IN THERE... |
| 273 | I'D BE, LIKE, "YO, DAD! YOU AND ME OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW!" |
| 274 | I KIND OF SCARED MYSELF. |
| 275 | WELL, AT LEAST YOU SCARED SOMEONE. |
| 276 | YOU KNOW, IT'S FUNNY. |
| 277 | YOU'D THINK I'D BE ANGRY. |
| 278 | I MEAN, YOU'D THINK I'D WANT TO RIP HIS TINY LITTLE HEAD OFF. |
| 279 | FORTUNATELY, I'M PAST IT, SO... |
| 280 | PHOEBE, YOU DO SEEM A LITTLE TENSE. |
| 281 | HERE. LET ME HELP YOU. |
| 282 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 283 | GET OFF! |
| 284 | OW! OH, STOP IT! |
| 285 | WHY? WHY ARE YOU DOING THAT TO ME?! |
| 286 | WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? |
| 287 | AS A MASSEUSE AND A HUMAN |
| 288 | I'M BEGGING YOU, NEVER DO THAT TO ANYONE. |
| 289 | I GIVE GOOD MASSAGES. |
| 290 | ( scoffs ) |
| 291 | I USED TO GIVE THEM TO RACHEL ALL THE TIME |
| 292 | BEFORE SHE GOT ALLERGIC. |
| 293 | AND CHANDLER... |
| 294 | HE LOVES THEM. WATCH. |
| 295 | HE DOES NOT LIKE IT. |
| 296 | HE HATES IT. HE'S IN PAIN. |
| 297 | NO, HE'S NOT. |
| 298 | YES, HE IS. |
| 299 | WHAT? |
| 300 | I'M SORRY, BUT... OW! OW! OW! |
| 301 | HAVE YOU BEEN LYING TO ME? |
| 302 | I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'D DO THAT. |
| 303 | MAYBE HE JUST DIDN'T WANT TO HURT YOUR FEELINGS. |
| 304 | BUT THE MINUTE WE START TO LIE TO EACH OTHER... |
| 305 | AND BY "WE" |
| 306 | I MEAN SOCIETY... |
| 307 | ANY TIME YOU'RE READY, JOEY. |
| 308 | "WELL, YOU MUST BE NEW HERE. |
| 309 | MAYBE WE GET A TABLE AND I BUY YOU A DRINK." |
| 310 | I'M SORRY. |
| 311 | COULD YOU... COULD YOU TRY IT WITHOUT THE PURSE? |
| 312 | YEAH. SURE. |
| 313 | "WELL, YOU MUST BE NEW HERE. |
| 314 | "MAYBE WE SIT... |
| 315 | I'M SORRY. CAN I ASK YOU SOMETHING? |
| 316 | SURE. WHAT? |
| 317 | WELL, FIRST, IT'S NOT A PURSE. |
| 318 | OKAY. ANY TIME. |
| 319 | I MEAN, IF YOU'RE THINKING IT'S A WOMAN'S BAG, IT'S NOT. |
| 320 | IT'S A MAN'S BAG. |
| 321 | OKAY, AND GO. |
| 322 | LET ME SHOW YOU THE CATALOG. |
| 323 | LOOK. SEE? HUH? |
| 324 | IT'S THE LATEST THING. |
| 325 | EVERYONE'S GOT ONE: |
| 326 | MEN, WOMEN, CHILDREN. |
| 327 | EVERYONE'S CARRYING THEM. |
| 328 | DO YOU SELL THESE BAGS? |
| 329 | NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. |
| 330 | THESE BABIES SELL THEMSELVES. |
| 331 | OKAY. THANK YOU. |
| 332 | THAT WAS GREAT. |
| 333 | YEAH, BUT I DIDN'T EVEN READ ANYTHING. |
| 334 | I THINK WE'VE SEEN ENOUGH. |
| 335 | OKAY. ALL RIGHT. I'LL SEE YOU. |
| 336 | WE GOT IT, WE GOT IT. |
| 337 | HEY, IS RACHEL HERE? |
| 338 | NO. |
| 339 | LISTEN, I JUST WANTED TO APOLOGIZE |
| 340 | ABOUT THIS AFTERNOON |
| 341 | AND THE WHOLE MASSAGE THING, YOU KNOW? |
| 342 | I-I REALLY LIKE THEM. |
| 343 | PLEASE, STOP. |
| 344 | WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE HONEST |
| 345 | WITH EACH OTHER. |
| 346 | I JUST WISH YOU COULD TELL ME. |
| 347 | JUST SAY IT: "I DON'T LIKE YOUR MASSAGES." |
| 348 | I DON'T LIKE YOUR MASSAGES. |
| 349 | ( voice breaking ): SEE? IT'S NO BIG DEAL. |
| 350 | OKAY, BUT NOW, SEE? |
| 351 | YOU'RE CRYING. |
| 352 | I'M NOT CRYING ABOUT THAT. |
| 353 | I'M CRYING ABOUT SOMETHING |
| 354 | THAT HAPPENED AT WORK. |
| 355 | WHAT? |
| 356 | MY BOYFRIEND SAID HE DIDN'T LIKE MY MASSAGES! |
| 357 | IT'S OKAY. |
| 358 | YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE THE BEST AT EVERYTHING. |
| 359 | OH, MY GOD! |
| 360 | YOU DON'T KNOW ME AT ALL! |
| 361 | OKAY. YOU GIVE THE WORST MASSAGES IN THE WORLD. |
| 362 | I'M CRYING HERE! |
| 363 | WELL, ALL RIGHT. |
| 364 | HEAR ME OUT, OKAY? |
| 365 | YOU GIVE THE BEST BAD MASSAGES, OKAY? |
| 366 | IF ANYBODY WAS LOOKING FOR THE BEST BAD MASSAGE |
| 367 | AND THEY WERE THINKING TO THEMSELVES |
| 368 | "WHO'S THE BEST AT THAT?" |
| 369 | THEY'D HAVE TO GO TO YOU. |
| 370 | HUH. |
| 371 | SO, YOU'RE SAYING THAT, LIKE, UM... |
| 372 | IF THERE WAS AN AWARD FOR THE BEST BAD MASSAGE... |
| 373 | WELL, WHO WOULD GET THAT? |
| 374 | OH, IT WOULD BE YOU. |
| 375 | YOU, MONICA |
| 376 | AND YOU'D GET ALL THE VOTES. |
| 377 | SO, MAYBE THEY COULD, UM, CALL THE AWARD "THE MONICA"? |
| 378 | ABSOLUTELY. |
| 379 | OKAY. |
| 380 | I SUCK. |
| 381 | YEAH. |
| 382 | THANK YOU FOR MEETING WITH ME. |
| 383 | THANK YOU. ALL RIGHT. |
| 384 | COME SIT. |
| 385 | SIT. |
| 386 | SIT! |
| 387 | UM, ALL RIGHTY. |
| 388 | UM, BEFORE WE GET STARTED, I'D JUST... |
| 389 | I NEED YOU TO STATE |
| 390 | FOR THE, YOU KNOW, OFFICIAL RECORD |
| 391 | THAT YOU ARE, IN FACT, FRANK BUFFAY. |
| 392 | OH, YES. YES, YES, I AM. MM-HMM. |
| 393 | OKAY. |
| 394 | SO... |
| 395 | WHAT DID FRANCES LEAVE ME? |
| 396 | HUH? |
| 397 | THAT'S WHY YOU WANTED ME TO COME, RIGHT? |
| 398 | OH, YES. |
| 399 | YES. YEAH. NO, SHE DID. |
| 400 | SHE LEFT YOU, UM... |
| 401 | THIS LIPSTICK. |
| 402 | OH... HUH. |
| 403 | THAT'S... |
| 404 | OH, IT'S USED. |
| 405 | UH, COOL. |
| 406 | OKAY. I HAVE JUST A FEW QUESTIONS TO ASK |
| 407 | SO I'M GOING TO GET OUT MY OFFICIAL FORMS. |
| 408 | OKAY. SO, QUESTION ONE: |
| 409 | YOU WERE MARRIED TO FRANCES'S DAUGHTER, LILY. |
| 410 | IS THAT CORRECT? |
| 411 | YES. YES, I WAS. |
| 412 | OKAY. UM, QUESTION TWO: |
| 413 | UM, "DID THAT MARRIAGE END, A: HAPPILY, B: MEDIUM |
| 414 | OR C: IN THE TOTAL ABANDONMENT OF HER AND HER TWO CHILDREN?" |
| 415 | IT REALLY SAYS THAT? |
| 416 | YEAH. SEE? |
| 417 | WELL, I GUESS THAT I WOULD HAVE TO SAY "C." |
| 418 | HMM. OKAY. |
| 419 | TOTAL ABANDONMENT, MM-HMM. |
| 420 | OKAY. "REASONS FOR ABANDONMENT." |
| 421 | UM, "A: TOP SECRET GOVERNMENT WORK, B: AMNESIA |
| 422 | OR C: YOU'RE JUST A SELFISH, IRRESPONSIBLE, BAD, BAD MAN?" |
| 423 | YOU KNOW, I DON'T THINK I WANT THE LIPSTICK THAT MUCH |
| 424 | BUT, UH... OH, WOULD YOU DO ME A FAVOR |
| 425 | AND, UM, WOULD YOU GIVE HER DAUGHTER LILY |
| 426 | THAT, PLEASE? |
| 427 | WHAT? |
| 428 | LILY. WHEN YOU SEE LILY |
| 429 | WOULD YOU GIVE HER THAT NOTE |
| 430 | BECAUSE I WANTED TO TALK TO HER AT THE MEMORIAL. |
| 431 | WELL, I PICTURED HER GETTING MAD AT ME THE WAY YOU GOT MAD AT ME |
| 432 | AND I CHICKENED OUT, SO I WROTE HER THAT NOTE. |
| 433 | WOULD YOU GIVE IT TO HER, PLEASE? |
| 434 | YOU-YOU-YOU CAME TO SEE LILY? |
| 435 | YEAH, YEAH. WHY? |
| 436 | LILY'S DEAD. |
| 437 | SHE WHAT? |
| 438 | SHE'S DEAD. |
| 439 | ARE YOU SURE? |
| 440 | WELL, IF SHE ISN'T |
| 441 | CREMATING HER WAS BIG MISTAKE. |
| 442 | I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS. |
| 443 | I JUST CAN'T BELIEVE IT. |
| 444 | HOW, HOW...? OH, MY GOD. |
| 445 | HOW-HOW LONG AGO? |
| 446 | 17 YEARS AGO. |
| 447 | OH... |
| 448 | WHAT-WHAT ABOUT THE GIRLS? |
| 449 | WELL, URSULA IS A WAITRESS AND SHE LIVES IN SOHO |
| 450 | AND PHOEBE... |
| 451 | IS ON THIS COUCH. |
| 452 | YEP. LIPSTICK AND A DAUGHTER. |
| 453 | BIG DAY FOR YOU, HUH? |
| 454 | PHOEBE, I-I-I, UM... |
| 455 | WHOOPS. |
| 456 | IT'S JUST... I-I-I DON'T KNOW |
| 457 | I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY. |
| 458 | I JUST |
| 459 | CAN'T BELIEVE THAT YOU'RE MY DAUGHTER. |
| 460 | YOU'RE SO PRETTY. |
| 461 | YES. WELL, THAT'S NEITHER HERE NOR THERE. |
| 462 | SO, WOULD IT-WOULD IT MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER |
| 463 | IF I SAID THAT I WAS VERY, VERY SORRY I LEFT? |
| 464 | YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 465 | IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOU SAY. |
| 466 | IT'S NOT GOING TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE ANYWAY |
| 467 | SO YOU CAN JUST GO. |
| 468 | ALL RIGHT. WELL, YOU KNOW, IN MY DEFENSE |
| 469 | I WAS A LOUSY FATHER. |
| 470 | THAT'S YOUR DEFENSE? |
| 471 | YES, IT IS. |
| 472 | I BURNED THE FORMULA |
| 473 | AND I PUT YOUR DIAPERS ON BACKWARDS. |
| 474 | I MEAN, I MADE UP A SONG TO SING YOU TO SLEEP |
| 475 | BUT THAT MADE YOU CRY EVEN MORE. |
| 476 | YOU MAKE UP SONGS? |
| 477 | WELL, NO. |
| 478 | JUST THAT ONE. |
| 479 | IT WAS STUPID. |
| 480 | LET'S SEE. |
| 481 | HOW DID IT GO? |
| 482 | UM... YEAH. OKAY. |
| 483 | ♪ SLEEPY GIRL, SLEEPY GIRL ♪ |
| 484 | ♪ WHY WON'T YOU GO TO SLEEP? ♪ |
| 485 | ♪ SLEEPY GIRL, SLEEPY GIRL ♪ |
| 486 | ♪ YOU'RE-YOU'RE- YOU'RE KEEPING ME UP. ♪ |
| 487 | WELL, YEAH. |
| 488 | I JUST... |
| 489 | I'M NOT VERY GOOD AT THIS SO, UM... |
| 490 | WELL, I AM. |
| 491 | NOT YET, NO. |
| 492 | HEY, MAN, HOW'D THE AUDITION GO? |
| 493 | ESTELLE SAID I DIDN'T GET IT. |
| 494 | WHAT? WHY? |
| 495 | JOEY, YOU WERE SO READY FOR IT. |
| 496 | YEAH. I THOUGHT SO, TOO |
| 497 | BUT SHE SAID THE CASTING PEOPLE HAD SOME PROBLEMS WITH ME. |
| 498 | WHAT KIND OF PROBLEMS? |
| 499 | WELL, TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH, THEY, UH... |
| 500 | THEY HAD A PROBLEM WITH THE BAG. |
| 501 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 502 | NO... |
| 503 | HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 504 | IT WAS A STUPID PLAY, ANYWAY. |
| 505 | JOEY, I THINK IT'S TIME TO GIVE UP THE BAG. |
| 506 | I DON'T WANT TO GIVE UP THE BAG. |
| 507 | I DON'T HAVE TO GIVE UP THE BAG, DO I, RACH? |
| 508 | YOU THINK I SHOULD GIVE UP THE BAG. |
| 509 | WAIT, JOEY. I'M SORRY. |
| 510 | AS TERRIFIC AS I THINK YOU ARE WITH IT... |
| 511 | OH, HEY. |
| 512 | I JUST DON'T KNOW |
| 513 | IF THE WORLD IS READY FOR YOU AND YOUR BAG. |
| 514 | I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M HEARING THIS. |
| 515 | WAIT A MINUTE, WAIT A MINUTE. |
| 516 | I'M NOT SAYING YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE A BAG. |
| 517 | I JUST... IT'S JUST THAT THERE ARE OTHER BAGS, YOU KNOW |
| 518 | THAT ARE MAYBE A LITTLE LESS, UM... CONTROVERSIAL. |
| 519 | YEAH. UM, THEY'RE CALLED WALLETS. |
| 520 | [Captioned by The Caption Center WGBH Educational Foundation] |
| 521 | |
| 1 | OH, HEY, YOU GUYS, LOOK. |
| 2 | UGLY NAKED GUY'S PUTTING STUFF IN BOXES. |
| 3 | HUH... I'D SAY FROM THE LOOKS OF IT |
| 4 | OUR NAKED BUDDY IS MOVING. |
| 5 | IRONICALLY, MOST OF THE BOXES SEEM TO BE LABELED "CLOTHES." |
| 6 | AAH, I'M GOING TO MISS THAT BIG, OLD, SQUISHY BUTT. |
| 7 | AND WE'RE DONE WITH THE CHICKEN FRIED RICE. |
| 8 | HEY! |
| 9 | HEY, IF HE'S MOVING |
| 10 | MAYBE I SHOULD TRY TO GET HIS PLACE. |
| 11 | OH, GOOD IDEA. YES. |
| 12 | IT'LL BE SO COOL TO LIVE ACROSS FROM YOU GUYS. |
| 13 | YEAH, HEY, THEN WE COULD DO THAT TELEPHONE THING-- |
| 14 | YOU KNOW, WELL, YOU HAVE A CAN |
| 15 | WE HAVE A CAN |
| 16 | AND IT'S CONNECTED BY A STRING. |
| 17 | OR WE COULD DO THE ACTUAL TELEPHONE THING. |
| 18 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 19 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 20 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 21 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 22 | ♪ WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY, YOUR WEEK, YOUR MONTH ♪ |
| 23 | ♪ OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 24 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 25 | ♪ WHEN THE RAIN STARTS TO POUR ♪ |
| 26 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 27 | ♪ LIKE I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE ♪ |
| 28 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 29 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME, TOO. ♪ |
| 30 | OH, MY GOD, I LOVE THIS APARTMENT. |
| 31 | ISN'T IT PERFECT? |
| 32 | I CAN'T BELIEVE I NEVER REALIZED |
| 33 | HOW-HOW GREAT IT IS. |
| 34 | WELL, THAT IS BECAUSE |
| 35 | YOUR EYE IMMEDIATELY GOES TO THE BIG NAKED MAN. |
| 36 | Phoebe: IT'S AMAZING. |
| 37 | YOU'D BETTER HURRY UP |
| 38 | AND FILL OUT AN APPLICATION, OR I'M GOING TO BEAT YOU TO IT. |
| 39 | ( giggling ): OH. |
| 40 | WELL, I NEVER THOUGHT I'D SAY THIS |
| 41 | BUT I'M GOING TO GO USE UGLY NAKED GUY'S BATHROOM. |
| 42 | YEAH. |
| 43 | OH, LOOK, THERE'S MONICA AND CHANDLER. |
| 44 | HEY! |
| 45 | HEY, YOU GUYS! HEY! |
| 46 | AAH! |
| 47 | AAH! AAH! |
| 48 | WHAT? |
| 49 | AAH! CHANDLER AND MONICA! |
| 50 | CHANDLER AND MONICA! |
| 51 | OH, MY GOD! AAH! |
| 52 | CHANDLER AND MONICA! |
| 53 | OH, MY GOD! OH! |
| 54 | OH, MY EYES! |
| 55 | MY EYES! |
| 56 | OH, PHOEBE! |
| 57 | PHOEBE... OW! |
| 58 | OKAY! IT'S OKAY! |
| 59 | IT'S OKAY! |
| 60 | NO, THEY'RE DOING IT! |
| 61 | I KNOW! I KNOW! |
| 62 | YOU KNOW?! |
| 63 | YES, I KNOW AND JOEY KNOWS! |
| 64 | BUT ROSS DOESN'T KNOW! |
| 65 | SO YOU HAVE TO STOP SCREAMING! |
| 66 | HEY, WHAT'S GOING ON? |
| 67 | OH! OH! |
| 68 | ( yelling ) |
| 69 | WHAT? WHAT? |
| 70 | NOTHING. OH, GOD, WE'RE JUST SO EXCITED |
| 71 | THAT YOU MIGHT GET THIS APARTMENT! |
| 72 | YEAH, IT LOOKS REALLY GOOD... |
| 73 | OH, MY GOD! |
| 74 | GET IN HERE! |
| 75 | COME ON! |
| 76 | ( all yelling ) |
| 77 | YOU MEAN, WHENEVER MONICA AND CHANDLER |
| 78 | WERE, LIKE, YOU KNOW, "DOING LAUNDRY" |
| 79 | OR GOING "GROCERY SHOPPING..." |
| 80 | ALL THAT TIME MONICA SPENT ON THE PHONE |
| 81 | WITH "SAD LINDA FROM CAMP"? |
| 82 | DOING IT. DOING IT. |
| 83 | PHONE DOING IT. |
| 84 | OH! |
| 85 | OH, I CAN'T BELIEVE IT. |
| 86 | I MEAN, I THINK IT'S GREAT... |
| 87 | FOR HIM. |
| 88 | SHE MIGHT BE ABLE TO DO BETTER. |
| 89 | HEY, YOU GUYS. |
| 90 | JOEY, COME HERE! |
| 91 | PHOEBE JUST FOUND OUT |
| 92 | ABOUT MONICA AND CHANDLER. |
| 93 | YOU MEAN, HOW THEY'RE FRIENDS AND NOTHING MORE? |
| 94 | NO. |
| 95 | NO. JOEY, SHE KNOWS. |
| 96 | WE WERE AT UGLY NAKED GUY'S APARTMENT |
| 97 | AND WE SAW THEM DOING IT THROUGH THE WINDOW. |
| 98 | ACTUALLY, WE SAW THEM |
| 99 | DOING IT UP AGAINST THE WINDOW. |
| 100 | OKAY, SO NOW, THEY KNOW |
| 101 | YOU KNOW AND THEY DON'T KNOW THAT RACHEL KNOWS? |
| 102 | YES, BUT... YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 103 | IT DOESN'T MATTER WHO KNOWS WHAT. |
| 104 | NOW ENOUGH OF US KNOW |
| 105 | THAT WE COULD JUST TELL THEM WE KNOW. |
| 106 | NOW ALL THE LYING AND THE SECRETS |
| 107 | WILL FINALLY BE OVER. |
| 108 | OR WE COULD NOT TELL THEM WE KNOW |
| 109 | AND HAVE A LITTLE FUN OF OUR OWN. |
| 110 | WH-WHAT DO YOU MEAN? |
| 111 | EVERY TIME THAT THEY SAY THEY'RE DOING LAUNDRY |
| 112 | WE'LL GIVE THEM A BUNCH |
| 113 | OF LAUNDRY TO DO. |
| 114 | OH... I-I WOULD ENJOY THAT. |
| 115 | NO, WAIT. WAIT. |
| 116 | YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD BE EVEN MORE FUN? |
| 117 | TELLING THEM. |
| 118 | YEAH, NO. I WANT TO DO PHOEBE'S THING. |
| 119 | NO, BUT I CAN'T... |
| 120 | YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO ANYTHING. |
| 121 | JUST DON'T TELL THEM THAT WE KNOW. |
| 122 | NO. I CAN'T TAKE ANY MORE SECRETS. |
| 123 | I GOT YOUR SECRETS. I GOT THEIR SECRETS. |
| 124 | I GOT SECRETS OF MY OWN, YOU KNOW? |
| 125 | YOU DON'T HAVE ANY SECRETS. |
| 126 | OH, YEAH? |
| 127 | WELL, YOU DON'T KNOW ABOUT HUGGSY-- |
| 128 | MY BEDTIME PENGUIN PAL. |
| 129 | SO... UM.... |
| 130 | HOW-HOW ARE WE GOING TO MESS WITH THEM? |
| 131 | ( moaning ) |
| 132 | WELL, YOU COULD USE YOUR POSITION |
| 133 | YOU KNOW, AS THE ROOMMATE, AND THEN I WOULD USE |
| 134 | YOU KNOW, THE STRONGEST TOOL AT MY DISPOSAL-- |
| 135 | MY SEXUALITY. |
| 136 | HELLO, CHILDREN. |
| 137 | HEY. HEY. HEY. |
| 138 | OKAY, WATCH... LEARN... AND DON'T EAT MY COOKIE. |
| 139 | HEY. |
| 140 | HEY. |
| 141 | OOH, WOW, THAT JACKET LOOKS GREAT ON YOU. |
| 142 | REALLY? |
| 143 | YEAH. THE MATERIAL LOOKS SO SOFT... |
| 144 | OH, HELLO, MR. BICEP. |
| 145 | HAVE YOU BEEN WORKING OUT? |
| 146 | WELL, I TRY TO YOU KNOW, SQUEEZE THINGS. |
| 147 | ( giggling ) |
| 148 | ARE YOU OKAY? |
| 149 | WELL, IF YOU REALLY WANT TO KNOW... |
| 150 | I, OH, I CAN'T TELL YOU THIS. |
| 151 | PHOEBE, IT'S ME-- YOU CAN TELL ME ANYTHING. |
| 152 | ACTUALLY, YOU'RE THE ONE PERSON |
| 153 | I CAN'T TELL THIS TO |
| 154 | AND THE ONE PERSON I WANT TO THE MOST. |
| 155 | WHAT'S GOING ON? |
| 156 | I THINK IT'S JUST THAT I HAVEN'T BEEN WITH A GUY IN SO LONG |
| 157 | AND YOU KNOW HOW SOMETIMES YOU'RE LOOKING FOR SOMETHING |
| 158 | AND YOU JUST DON'T EVEN SEE THAT'S IT RIGHT THERE |
| 159 | IN FRONT OF YOU SIPPING COFFEE... |
| 160 | OH, NO, HAVE I SAID TOO MUCH? |
| 161 | WELL, JUST SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT... |
| 162 | I KNOW I WILL. |
| 163 | OOH... |
| 164 | YOU ARE SO CUTE. |
| 165 | HOW DID YOU GET TO BE SO CUTE? |
| 166 | WELL |
| 167 | MY GRANDFATHER WAS SWEDISH... |
| 168 | AND MY GRANDMOTHER WAS, ACTUALLY |
| 169 | A TINY, LITTLE BUNNY. |
| 170 | NOW YOU'RE EVEN CUTER. |
| 171 | YOU KNOW, THAT IS A POPULAR OPINION TODAY |
| 172 | I MUST SAY. |
| 173 | WHAT? |
| 174 | THE WEIRDEST THING HAPPENED AT THE COFFEE HOUSE. |
| 175 | I THINK PHOEBE WAS HITTING ON ME. |
| 176 | WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? |
| 177 | I'M TELLING YOU, I THINK PHOEBE |
| 178 | THINKS I'M FOXY. |
| 179 | IT'S NOT POSSIBLE. |
| 180 | OW. |
| 181 | I'M SORRY. IT'S JUST... |
| 182 | I MEAN, PHOEBE HAS JUST ALWAYS THOUGHT |
| 183 | YOU WERE CHARMING IN A SEXLESS KIND OF WAY. |
| 184 | OH, WELL, YOU KNOW, I-I CAN'T HEAR THAT ENOUGH. |
| 185 | I-I'M SORRY. |
| 186 | I JUST THINK THAT YOU MISUNDERSTOOD HER. |
| 187 | NO. I DIDN'T MISUNDERSTAND, OKAY? |
| 188 | SHE WAS ALL OVER ME. |
| 189 | SHE TOUCHED MY BICEP, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD. |
| 190 | THIS BICEP? |
| 191 | WELL, IT'S NOT FLEXED RIGHT NOW. |
| 192 | HEY, MON, WHAT ARE YOU DOING NOW? |
| 193 | YOU WANT TO COME SEE A MOVIE WITH US? |
| 194 | UH... YOU KNOW, ACTUALLY |
| 195 | I-I WAS GOING TO DO SOME LAUNDRY. |
| 196 | HEY, CHANDLER |
| 197 | YOU WANT TO DO IT WITH ME? |
| 198 | SURE, I'LL... DO IT WITH YOU. OKAY. |
| 199 | OKAY, GREAT. HOLD ON A SEC. |
| 200 | OH... HERE YOU GO. |
| 201 | YOU DON'T MIND, DO YOU? |
| 202 | THAT WOULD REALLY HELP ME OUT A LOT. THANKS. |
| 203 | YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 204 | I-I DON'T THINK I HAVE ENOUGH QUARTERS. |
| 205 | OH, I HAVE QUARTERS. |
| 206 | OH! |
| 207 | HEY. |
| 208 | HEY, ROSS |
| 209 | ANY WORD ON THE APARTMENT YET? |
| 210 | I CALLED OVER THERE |
| 211 | AND UGLY NAKED GUY IS SUBLETTING IT HIMSELF |
| 212 | AND HE'S ALREADY HAD LIKE 100 APPLICANTS. |
| 213 | OH. OH, MAN. |
| 214 | I'VE GOT THE EDGE. |
| 215 | I KNOW IT'S NOT EXACTLY ETHICAL |
| 216 | BUT I SENT HIM A LITTLE BRIBE |
| 217 | TO TIP THE SCALES IN MY DIRECTION. |
| 218 | YEAH. CHECK IT OUT. YOU CAN PROBABLY |
| 219 | SEE IT FROM THE WINDOW. |
| 220 | OH, IS IT THAT PINBALL MACHINE |
| 221 | WITH THE BIG BOW ON IT? |
| 222 | NO. |
| 223 | THAT NEW MOUNTAIN BIKE? |
| 224 | NO. |
| 225 | WELL, WHAT DID YOU SEND? |
| 226 | A BASKET OF MINI MUFFINS. |
| 227 | BUT THERE'S A WHOLE TABLE OF MINI MUFFIN BASKETS |
| 228 | WHICH ONE DID YOU SEND? |
| 229 | THE SMALL ONE. |
| 230 | WHAT? YOU-YOU ACTUALLY THOUGHT THAT BASKET |
| 231 | WAS GOING TO GET YOU THE APARTMENT? |
| 232 | WELL... YEAH. |
| 233 | SOMEONE SENT US A BASKET AT WORK ONCE |
| 234 | AND PEOPLE WENT CRAZY OVER THOSE LITTLE MUFFINS. |
| 235 | IT WAS THE BEST DAY. |
| 236 | YOUR WORK MAKES ME SAD. |
| 237 | ( sighing ) |
| 238 | OH, MAN... I WANT THAT PLACE SO MUCH... |
| 239 | AND I WAS SO SURE THAT WAS GOING TO WORK. |
| 240 | THERE'S 12 BUCKS I'LL NEVER SEE AGAIN. |
| 241 | ALL RIGHT, WE'D BETTER GO |
| 242 | IF WE'RE GOING TO CATCH THAT MOVIE. |
| 243 | BYE. |
| 244 | BYE. |
| 245 | BYE, CHANDLER. |
| 246 | I MISS YOU ALREADY. |
| 247 | DID YOU SEE THAT? |
| 248 | WITH THE INAPPROPRIATE AND THE PINCHING? |
| 249 | ACTUALLY, I DID. |
| 250 | OKAY, SO NOW DO YOU BELIEVE |
| 251 | THAT SHE'S ATTRACTED TO ME? |
| 252 | ( gasping ): OH, MY GOD... |
| 253 | OH, MY GOD, SHE KNOWS ABOUT US! |
| 254 | ARE YOU SERIOUS? |
| 255 | PHOEBE KNOWS, AND SHE'S JUST TRYING TO FREAK US OUT. |
| 256 | THAT'S THE ONLY EXPLANATION FOR IT. |
| 257 | OKAY, BUT WHAT ABOUT MY PINCHABLE BUTT |
| 258 | AND MY BULGING BICEPS? |
| 259 | SHE KNOWS! |
| 260 | JOEY! YEAH?! |
| 261 | PHOEBE KNOWS ABOUT US. |
| 262 | WELL, I DIDN'T TELL THEM. |
| 263 | "THEM"? |
| 264 | WHO'S "THEM"? |
| 265 | UH... PHOEBE AND JOEY. |
| 266 | JOEY. |
| 267 | AND RACHEL. |
| 268 | I WOULD HAVE TOLD YOU |
| 269 | BUT THEY MADE ME PROMISE NOT TO. |
| 270 | OH, MAN! |
| 271 | I'M SORRY, BUT, HEY, IT'S OVER NOW, RIGHT? |
| 272 | 'CAUSE YOU CAN TELL THEM YOU KNOW THEY KNOW |
| 273 | AND I CAN GO BACK TO KNOWING ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. |
| 274 | UNLESS... |
| 275 | NO, NOT UNLESS. |
| 276 | THIS MUST END NOW! |
| 277 | OH, MAN, THEY THINK THEY ARE SO SLICK |
| 278 | MESSING WITH US. |
| 279 | BUT SEE, THEY DON'T KNOW THAT WE KNOW |
| 280 | THAT THEY KNOW. |
| 281 | SO... |
| 282 | AH, YES. |
| 283 | THE MESSERS BECOME THE MESSEES! |
| 284 | ( groans ) |
| 285 | OH, ROSS, HONEY, YOU GOT TO STOP TORTURING YOURSELF. |
| 286 | WHY DON'T YOU JUST FIND ANOTHER APARTMENT? |
| 287 | I'VE ALREADY LOOKED AT, LIKE |
| 288 | A THOUSAND APARTMENTS THIS MONTH |
| 289 | AND NONE OF THEM EVEN COMPARES TO THAT ONE. |
| 290 | YOU KNOW WHAT YOU SHOULD DO? |
| 291 | YOU SHOULD FIND OUT WHAT HIS HOBBIES ARE |
| 292 | AND THEN USE THAT TO BOND WITH HIM. |
| 293 | YEAH. LIKE IF I WANTED SOMETHING FROM JOEY |
| 294 | I WOULD STRIKE UP A CONVERSATION |
| 295 | ABOUT, SAY, UM, SANDWICHES... |
| 296 | OR, UH, OR MY UNDERWEAR. |
| 297 | I'M LISTENING. |
| 298 | SEE? |
| 299 | THAT IS A GREAT IDEA. |
| 300 | AND I KNOW UGLY NAKED GUY BECAUSE WE'VE BEEN WATCHING HIM |
| 301 | FOR, LIKE, FIVE YEARS SO THAT GIVES ME BACK MY EDGE. |
| 302 | LET'S SEE NOW. |
| 303 | HE HAD THE TRAMPOLINE. |
| 304 | HE BROKE THAT. |
| 305 | WELL, HE HAD GRAVITY BOOTS. |
| 306 | YEAH, HE BROKE THOSE, TOO. |
| 307 | SO HE LIKES TO BREAK STUFF. |
| 308 | OKAY, I'VE GOT TO GO PICK UP BEN |
| 309 | BUT I WILL FIGURE SOMETHING OUT. |
| 310 | HEY, DIDN'T HE USED TO HAVE A CAT? |
| 311 | I WOULDN'T BRING THAT UP. |
| 312 | IT'D PROBABLY JUST BUM HIM OUT. |
| 313 | POOR CAT NEVER SAW THAT BIG BUTT COMING. |
| 314 | ( phone rings ) |
| 315 | HELLO. |
| 316 | OH, YEAH. HEY, HOLD ON A SECOND. |
| 317 | SHE'S RIGHT HERE. |
| 318 | IT'S CHANDLER. |
| 319 | OH? |
| 320 | ( sultry ): HELLO, YOU. |
| 321 | HELLO, PHOEBE, I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT YOU ALL DAY. |
| 322 | HUH? |
| 323 | WELL, YOU KNOW |
| 324 | THAT THING YOU SAID BEFORE. |
| 325 | I'D BE LYING IF I SAID I WASN'T INTRIGUED. |
| 326 | REALLY? |
| 327 | Yeah, listen |
| 328 | JOEY'S NOT GOING TO BE HERE TONIGHT |
| 329 | SO WHY DON'T YOU COME OVER |
| 330 | AND I'LL LET YOU FEEL MY BICEP. |
| 331 | OR MAYBE MORE. |
| 332 | I'LL HAVE TO GET BACK TO YOU ON THAT. |
| 333 | OKAY, BYE. |
| 334 | OH, MY GOD. HE WANTS ME TO COME OVER |
| 335 | AND FEEL HIS BICEP AND MORE. |
| 336 | ARE YOU KIDDING? |
| 337 | NO. |
| 338 | I CANNOT BELIEVE HE WOULD DO THAT TO MON... |
| 339 | WA... |
| 340 | JOEY, DO THEY KNOW THAT WE KNOW? |
| 341 | NO. |
| 342 | JOEY? |
| 343 | THEY KNOW YOU KNOW. |
| 344 | OH! I KNEW IT! |
| 345 | OH! I CANNOT BELIEVE THOSE TWO! |
| 346 | THEY THOUGHT THAT THEY COULD MESS WITH US. |
| 347 | THEY'RE TRYING TO MESS WITH US?! |
| 348 | THEY DON'T KNOW THAT WE KNOW THEY KNOW WE KNOW. |
| 349 | JOEY, YOU CAN'T SAY ANYTHING. |
| 350 | I COULDN'T IF I WANTED TO. |
| 351 | GOOD EVENING, SIR. |
| 352 | MY NAME IS ROSS GELLER. |
| 353 | I'M ONE OF THE PEOPLE WHO APPLIED FOR THE APARTMENT |
| 354 | AND I REALIZE THAT |
| 355 | THE COMPETITION IS FIERCE, BUT... |
| 356 | I'M SORRY. |
| 357 | I-I CAN'T HELP BUT NOTICE THAT YOU'RE NAKED AND... |
| 358 | I APPLAUD YOU. |
| 359 | MAN, I WISH I WAS NAKED. |
| 360 | I MEAN, THIS, THIS LOOKS SO GREAT. |
| 361 | THAT IS HOW GOD INTENDED IT. |
| 362 | LOOK AT THEM. |
| 363 | THEY'RE PANICKED. |
| 364 | OH, YEAH. THEY'LL TOTALLY BACK DOWN. |
| 365 | OH, YEAH. |
| 366 | ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT. |
| 367 | IF HE WANTS A DATE, HE'S GOING TO GET A DATE. |
| 368 | ALL RIGHT. I'M GOING TO GO IN. |
| 369 | OKAY. OKAY. BE SEXY. |
| 370 | PLEASE. |
| 371 | ( stutters ) |
| 372 | SO, CHANDLER, I'D LOVE TO COME BY TONIGHT. |
| 373 | REALLY? |
| 374 | OH, ABSOLUTELY. |
| 375 | SHOULD WE SAY AROUND 7:00? |
| 376 | YES. |
| 377 | GOOD. |
| 378 | I'M REALLY LOOKING FORWARD |
| 379 | TO YOU AND ME HAVING SEXUAL INTERCOURSE. |
| 380 | ( no audio ) |
| 381 | HEY, HEY. CHECK IT OUT. CHECK IT OUT. |
| 382 | UGLY NAKED GUY'S GOT A NAKED FRIEND. |
| 383 | OH, YEAH. |
| 384 | OH, MY GOD! |
| 385 | THAT'S OUR FRIEND! |
| 386 | IT'S NAKED ROSS! |
| 387 | IT IS ROSS! IT IS ROSS! |
| 388 | SHOW TIME! |
| 389 | OKAY, RACHEL |
| 390 | GET ME PERFUME. OKAY. |
| 391 | AND, JOEY, COULD YOU GET ME A BOTTLE OF WINE AND GLASSES? |
| 392 | OKAY. |
| 393 | IT'LL BE GREAT. |
| 394 | JUST MAKE HER THINK YOU WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH HER. |
| 395 | IT'LL TOTALLY FREAK HER OUT. |
| 396 | OKAY, LISTEN, HOW FAR AM I GOING TO HAVE TO GO WITH HER? |
| 397 | RELAX. SHE'S GOING TO GIVE IN WAY BEFORE YOU DO. |
| 398 | HOW DO YOU KNOW? |
| 399 | BECAUSE YOU'RE ON MY TEAM |
| 400 | AND MY TEAM ALWAYS WINS. |
| 401 | AT THIS? |
| 402 | JUST GO GET SOME. |
| 403 | GO! |
| 404 | OKAY, HONEY. NOW, I'M GOING TO TRY TO LISTEN FROM RIGHT HERE. |
| 405 | OKAY. OKAY? |
| 406 | OH, WAIT. |
| 407 | GOOD IDEA. |
| 408 | YEAH. OH, WAIT. |
| 409 | DON'T GIVE AWAY THE FARM. |
| 410 | OKAY. |
| 411 | PHOEBE. |
| 412 | CHANDLER. |
| 413 | COME ON IN. |
| 414 | I WAS GOING TO. |
| 415 | UM, I BROUGHT SOME WINE. |
| 416 | WOULD YOU LIKE SOME? |
| 417 | SURE. |
| 418 | OH. |
| 419 | SO, HERE WE ARE. |
| 420 | NERVOUS? |
| 421 | ME? NO. YOU? |
| 422 | NO. I WANT THIS TO HAPPEN. |
| 423 | SO DO I. |
| 424 | ( chuckles ) |
| 425 | I'M GOING TO PUT ON SOME MUSIC. |
| 426 | MAYBE, MAYBE I'LL DANCE FOR YOU. |
| 427 | ( music plays ) |
| 428 | YOU LOOK GOOD. |
| 429 | THANKS. |
| 430 | YOU KNOW, WHEN YOU SAY THINGS LIKE THAT |
| 431 | IT MAKES ME WANT |
| 432 | TO RIP THAT SWEATER VEST RIGHT OFF. |
| 433 | WELL, WHY DON'T WE MOVE THIS INTO THE BEDROOM? |
| 434 | REALLY? |
| 435 | OH, DO YOU NOT WANT TO? |
| 436 | NO, NO. |
| 437 | I JUST, YOU KNOW |
| 438 | FIRST, I WANT TO TAKE OFF ALL MY CLOTHES |
| 439 | AND HAVE YOU RUB LOTION ON ME. |
| 440 | ( stumbling ): WELL, THAT WOULD BE NICE. |
| 441 | I'LL GO GET THE LOTION. |
| 442 | THIS IS TOTALLY GETTING OUT OF HAND, OKAY? |
| 443 | SHE WANTS ME TO PUT LOTION ON HER! |
| 444 | SHE'S BLUFFING! |
| 445 | LOOK, SHE'S NOT BACKING DOWN. |
| 446 | SHE WENT LIKE THIS: |
| 447 | H-H-HE'S NOT BACKING DOWN. |
| 448 | HE WENT TO GET LOTION. |
| 449 | ( door opens ) |
| 450 | OH, MAN, AREN'T YOU GUYS DONE YET? |
| 451 | I WANT TO SIT IN MY CHAIR. |
| 452 | JUST LOOK AT IT THIS WAY. |
| 453 | THE SOONER PHOEBE BREAKS CHANDLER |
| 454 | THE SOONER THIS IS ALL OVER AND OUT IN THE OPEN. |
| 455 | OOH, I LIKE THAT. |
| 456 | OH, OKAY, SHOW HIM YOUR BRA. |
| 457 | HE'S AFRAID OF BRAS. |
| 458 | CAN'T WORK 'EM. |
| 459 | JOEY! |
| 460 | WOW, YOU DIDN'T RIP OFF ANY BUTTONS. |
| 461 | NOT MY FIRST TIME. |
| 462 | YOU GO BACK OUT THERE |
| 463 | AND YOU SEDUCE HER TILL SHE CRACKS. |
| 464 | OKAY. GIVE ME A SECOND. |
| 465 | DID YOU CLEAN UP IN HERE? |
| 466 | OF COURSE. |
| 467 | OH, YOU'RE GOING? |
| 468 | NOT WITHOUT YOU, LOVER. |
| 469 | SO, THIS IS MY BRA. |
| 470 | IT'S VERY, VERY NICE. |
| 471 | WELL, COME HERE. |
| 472 | I'M VERY HAPPY WE'RE GOING TO HAVE ALL THE SEX. |
| 473 | YOU SHOULD BE. |
| 474 | I'M VERY BENDY. |
| 475 | I'M GOING TO KISS YOU NOW. |
| 476 | NOT IF I KISS YOU FIRST. |
| 477 | WELL, I GUESS THERE'S NOTHING LEFT FOR US TO DO BUT KISS. |
| 478 | HERE IT COMES. |
| 479 | OUR FIRST KISS. |
| 480 | OKAY, OKAY, OKAY, OKAY! |
| 481 | FINE! YOU WIN! |
| 482 | I CAN'T HAVE |
| 483 | SEX WITH YOU. |
| 484 | AND WHY NOT? |
| 485 | BECAUSE I'M IN LOVE WITH MONICA. |
| 486 | YOU-YOU'RE WHAT? |
| 487 | Chandler: LOVE HER! |
| 488 | THAT'S RIGHT! I LOVE HER! |
| 489 | I LOVE HER! |
| 490 | I LOVE YOU, MONICA. |
| 491 | I LOVE YOU, TOO, CHANDLER. |
| 492 | I JUST... I THOUGHT YOU GUYS WERE DOING IT. |
| 493 | I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE IN LOVE. |
| 494 | DUDE! |
| 495 | AND HATS OFF TO PHOEBE. |
| 496 | QUITE A COMPETITOR. |
| 497 | THANK YOU. THANK YOU. |
| 498 | AND MAY I SAY YOUR BREASTS ARE STILL SHOWING? |
| 499 | GOD. |
| 500 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 501 | SO, THAT'S IT. |
| 502 | IT'S OVER. |
| 503 | EVERYBODY KNOWS. |
| 504 | WELL, ACTUALLY, ROSS DOESN'T. |
| 505 | YES, AND WE'D APPRECIATE IT IF NO ONE TOLD HIM YET. |
| 506 | A NEW PLACE FOR A NEW ROSS. |
| 507 | I'LL HAVE YOU AND ALL THE GUYS FROM WORK OVER |
| 508 | ONCE IT'S, YOU KNOW, FURNISHED. |
| 509 | I MUST SAY, IT'S NICE TO SEE YOU BACK ON YOUR FEET. |
| 510 | WELL, I AM THAT. |
| 511 | AND THAT WHOLE RAGE THING IS DEFINITELY BEHIND ME. |
| 512 | I WONDER IF IT'S TIME FOR YOU |
| 513 | TO REJOIN OUR TEAM AT THE MUSEUM. |
| 514 | OH, DONALD, THAT WOULD BE GREAT. |
| 515 | I AM TOTALLY READY TO COME BACK TO WORK. |
| 516 | I... WHAT? |
| 517 | NO. |
| 518 | WHA... |
| 519 | WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! |
| 520 | GET OFF MY SISTER! |
| 521 | [Captioned by The Caption Center WGBH Educational Foundation] |
| 522 | |
| 1 | CHANDLER! CHANDLER! |
| 2 | ( grunting ) |
| 3 | CHANDLER, I SAW WHAT YOU WERE DOING |
| 4 | THROUGH THE WINDOW! |
| 5 | I SAW WHAT YOU WERE DOING TO MY SISTER! |
| 6 | NOW, GET OUT HERE! |
| 7 | WELL, LISTEN, WE HAD A GOOD RUN. |
| 8 | YOU KNOW, WHAT WAS IT-- FOUR, FIVE MONTHS? |
| 9 | I MEAN, THAT'S MORE THAN MOST PEOPLE HAVE |
| 10 | IN A LIFETIME. |
| 11 | SO, GOOD-BYE, TAKE CARE, BYE-BYE, DEAR. |
| 12 | WHAT ARE YOU DOING? |
| 13 | OH, I'M GOING ON THE LAM. |
| 14 | COME ON, CHANDLER, COME ON. |
| 15 | I CAN HANDLE ROSS. |
| 16 | HOLD ON. |
| 17 | HEY, ROSS. WHAT'S UP, BRO? |
| 18 | WHAT... |
| 19 | THE HELL... |
| 20 | ARE YOU DOING?! |
| 21 | HEY, WHAT'S GOING ON? |
| 22 | WELL, I THINK... |
| 23 | I THINK ROSS KNOWS ABOUT ME AND MONICA? |
| 24 | DUDE, HE'S RIGHT THERE... |
| 25 | I THOUGHT YOU WERE MY BEST FRIEND. |
| 26 | THIS IS MY SISTER! |
| 27 | MY BEST FRIEND AND MY SISTER. |
| 28 | I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS! |
| 29 | LOOK, WE'RE NOT JUST MESSING AROUND. |
| 30 | I LOVE HER, OKAY? |
| 31 | I'M IN LOVE WITH HER. |
| 32 | I'M SO SORRY THAT YOU HAD TO FIND OUT THIS WAY. |
| 33 | I'M SORRY, BUT IT-IT'S TRUE. |
| 34 | I-I LOVE HIM, TOO. |
| 35 | MY BEST FRIEND AND MY SISTER! |
| 36 | I'M SO HAPPY! |
| 37 | I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS! |
| 38 | OH, I'M SORRY, YOU GUYS WANT |
| 39 | TO PROBABLY GET SOME HUGS IN, TOO, HUH? |
| 40 | BIG NEWS! |
| 41 | OH, NO, THAT'S OKAY. |
| 42 | WE'VE ACTUALLY KNOWN FOR A WHILE. |
| 43 | WHAT-WHAT? |
| 44 | YOU GUYS KNEW? |
| 45 | YOU ALL KNEW |
| 46 | AND YOU DIDN'T TELL ME?! |
| 47 | WELL, ROSS, WE WERE WORRIED ABOUT YOU, OKAY? |
| 48 | WE DIDN'T KNOW HOW YOU WERE GOING TO REACT. |
| 49 | MMM. |
| 50 | YOU WERE WORRIED ABOUT ME? |
| 51 | YOU DIDN'T KNOW HOW I WAS GOING TO REACT? |
| 52 | OKAY, ALL RIGHT. |
| 53 | WHEW! |
| 54 | WHAT DO YOU SAY WE ALL, UH, CLEAR OUT OF HERE |
| 55 | AND LET THESE TWO LOVEBIRDS GET BACK DOWN TO BUSINESS? |
| 56 | HEY, HEY, HEY, I-I'M JUST TALKING HERE. |
| 57 | HE'S THE ONE DOING YOUR SISTER. |
| 58 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 59 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 60 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 61 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 62 | ♪ WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY, YOUR WEEK ♪ |
| 63 | ♪ YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 64 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 65 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME, TOO. ♪ |
| 66 | HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT I JUST REALIZED? |
| 67 | IF YOU GUYS EVER HAVE KIDS... |
| 68 | WHOA, WHOA, WE'RE HAVING KIDS? |
| 69 | I CALL GODFATHER. |
| 70 | YOU CAN'T JUST CALL GODFATHER. |
| 71 | DON'T YOU THINK HER BROTHER SHOULD BE GODFATHER? |
| 72 | SURE, IF YOU CARED ENOUGH TO CALL IT FIRST. |
| 73 | YOU GUYS... |
| 74 | I THINK YOU'RE A FEW STEPS AHEAD OF US. |
| 75 | YEAH. BIG ZERO-GRAVITY MOON STEPS. |
| 76 | OH, I JUST THOUGHT |
| 77 | OF THE GREATEST WEDDING GIFT TO GET YOU. |
| 78 | OOH, I'LL GO IN ON THAT WITH YOU. |
| 79 | I COULDN'T THINK OF ANYTHING. |
| 80 | OH. HI, KATIE. |
| 81 | HEY, EVERYONE, THIS IS KATIE. HI. |
| 82 | Joey: SO, ARE YOU READY TO GO? |
| 83 | I JUST GOT TO RUN TO THE BATHROOM. BACK THERE. |
| 84 | HEY, WHERE WE GOING TO LUNCH? |
| 85 | I WAS THINKING MAYBE CHINESE FOOD. |
| 86 | OH, I LOVE CHINESE! |
| 87 | HOW'D YOU KNOW I LOVE CHINESE?! |
| 88 | SHE IS SO CUTE. |
| 89 | YOU COULD FIT HER RIGHT IN YOUR LITTLE POCKET. |
| 90 | I DON'T KNOW... |
| 91 | I MEAN, I LIKE HER A LOT, AND SHE'S REALLY NICE, BUT... |
| 92 | BUT WHAT? |
| 93 | SHE KEEPS PUNCHING ME. |
| 94 | ( chuckling ) |
| 95 | IN THAT CUTE, LITTLE SWEET WAY SHE JUST DID? |
| 96 | HEY, IT'S A LOT HARDER THAN IT LOOKS, OKAY? |
| 97 | SHE-SHE... SHE'S HURTING ME. |
| 98 | OH, SEE, I KNOW WHAT YOU NEED. |
| 99 | YOU NEED A BODYGUARD. |
| 100 | ROSS, WHAT IS BEN DOING AFTER PRESCHOOL? |
| 101 | OKAY, LISTEN-- JOEY IS HAVING A PROBLEM... |
| 102 | WITH A LITTLE GIRL WHO'S BEATING HIM UP. |
| 103 | AW... JOEY, COME HERE. |
| 104 | LOOK-- HONEY, I KNOW THIS MUST BE |
| 105 | REALLY, REALLY DIFFICULT FOR YOU... |
| 106 | OH, I'M SORRY. AM I HURTING YOU? |
| 107 | ( blowing ) |
| 108 | ( knocking ) |
| 109 | HEY! |
| 110 | HEY! I BROUGHT YOU SOME HOUSEWARMING GIFTS. |
| 111 | OH... |
| 112 | YEAH-- SALT, SO YOUR LIFE ALWAYS HAS FLAVOR... |
| 113 | OH. |
| 114 | BREAD, SO YOU NEVER GO HUNGRY... |
| 115 | OH... |
| 116 | AND A SCENTED CANDLE FOR THE BATHROOM |
| 117 | BECAUSE, WELL, YOU KNOW. |
| 118 | WELL, THANKS, THANKS, AND... THANKS, I GUESS. |
| 119 | YEAH! |
| 120 | HI. HI. |
| 121 | WELCOME TO THE BUILDING. |
| 122 | I'M STEVE SERRA, PRESIDENT OF THE TENANTS COMMITTEE. |
| 123 | OH, HI. ROSS GELLER. |
| 124 | AND THIS IS MY FRIEND, PHOEBE. |
| 125 | HI, PHOEBE. |
| 126 | MR. PRESIDENT. |
| 127 | I, UH, CAME TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT HOWARD. |
| 128 | HOWARD? |
| 129 | YEAH. HE'S THE HANDYMAN. |
| 130 | HE'S RETIRING NEXT WEEK, AND EVERYONE WHO LIVES HERE |
| 131 | IS KICKING IN A HUNDRED BUCKS |
| 132 | AS A "THANK YOU FOR ALL OF THE HARD WORK" TYPE OF THING. |
| 133 | OH, THAT'S NICE. |
| 134 | YEAH. YOU WANT TO GIVE ME A CHECK OR...? |
| 135 | ( chuckling ): OH! UH... |
| 136 | LOOK, YOU DON'T |
| 137 | HAVE TO GIVE IT TO ME RIGHT NOW. |
| 138 | YOU CAN SLIP IT UNDER MY DOOR... |
| 139 | NO, NO, IT'S NOT THAT. |
| 140 | IT'S JUST, I... I-I JUST MOVED IN. |
| 141 | WELL, THE GUY'S WORKED HERE FOR 25 YEARS. |
| 142 | YES, BUT I'VE LIVED HERE FOR 25 MINUTES. |
| 143 | OH. |
| 144 | ( Ross chuckles ) |
| 145 | OKAY. I GET IT. |
| 146 | NO, WAIT. LOOK, LOOK... |
| 147 | I'M SORRY, IT'S JUST I'VE NEVER EVEN MET... HOWARD. |
| 148 | I MEAN, I DON'T KNOW HOWARD. |
| 149 | HOWARD'S THE HANDYMAN? |
| 150 | YES, BUT TO ME HE'S JUST... |
| 151 | MAN. |
| 152 | OKAY, FINE. |
| 153 | WHATEVER. |
| 154 | ( coldly ): WELCOME TO THE BUILDING. |
| 155 | ( scoffing ) |
| 156 | CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT GUY? |
| 157 | YEAH. I REALLY LIKE HIS GLASSES. |
| 158 | ...SO THEN PRESIDENT STEVE TOLD EVERYONE |
| 159 | I WAS A CHEAPSKATE |
| 160 | AND NOW THE WHOLE BUILDING HATES ME. |
| 161 | YOU KNOW, A LITTLE KID SPIT ON MY KNEE. |
| 162 | YOU KNOW WHAT I'M GOING TO DO? |
| 163 | I'M GOING TO THROW A PARTY-- |
| 164 | THAT'S RIGHT, FOR EVERYONE IN THE BUILDING. |
| 165 | I'M GOING TO SIT THEM ALL DOWN |
| 166 | AND EXPLAIN TO THEM THAT I AM NOT A BAD GUY. |
| 167 | I AM NOT A CHEAP GUY. |
| 168 | I'M JUST A GUY WHO-WHO STANDS UP |
| 169 | FOR WHAT HE BELIEVES IN, A MAN... |
| 170 | ( tapping finger ): WITH PRINCIPLES. |
| 171 | SOUNDS LIKE A FUN PARTY. |
| 172 | LOOK, ROSS, IF YOU WANT YOUR NEIGHBORS TO LIKE YOU |
| 173 | WHY DON'T YOU JUST PAY THE HUNDRED BUCKS? |
| 174 | A PARTY'S GOING TO COST YOU WAY MORE THAN THAT. |
| 175 | THAT DOESN'T MATTER. |
| 176 | IT'S MY PRINCIPLES. |
| 177 | WE'RE TALKING ABOUT MY PRINCIPLES! |
| 178 | OKAY. |
| 179 | I THOUGHT IT WAS ABOUT YOUR NEIGHBORS LIKING YOU. |
| 180 | OH, THEY'LL LIKE ME ONCE THEY COME TO MY AWESOME PAR-TAY. |
| 181 | OKAY, I GOT TO RUN. |
| 182 | I GOT TO GO GET SOME NAME TAGS. |
| 183 | ( door closes ) |
| 184 | AND THAT CRAZY PARTY ANIMAL WILL BE YOUR BROTHER-IN-LAW. |
| 185 | OH, YEAH. VERY, VERY FUNNY. |
| 186 | BUT DON'T SAY THINGS LIKE THAT IN FRONT OF MONICA. |
| 187 | I DON'T WANT YOU PUTTING ANY IDEAS IN HER HEAD. |
| 188 | UM, CHANDLER, YOU-YOU DO REALIZE |
| 189 | THAT THOSE IDEAS ARE PROBABLY ALREADY IN MONICA'S HEAD? |
| 190 | WH-WHY? |
| 191 | WELL, BECAUSE SHE LOVES YOU AND BECAUSE YOU LOVE HER. |
| 192 | YEAH? SO? WHAT'S THAT'S SUPPOSED TO MEAN? |
| 193 | HEY, CHANDLER, DON'T FREAK OUT. |
| 194 | I'M TELLING YOU SOMETHING YOU ALREADY KNOW. |
| 195 | COME ON, SHE BROKE UP WITH RICHARD |
| 196 | BECAUSE HE DIDN'T WANT TO HAVE BABIES |
| 197 | AND SHE'S A WOMAN, AND SHE'S ALMOST 30, AND, YOU KNOW... |
| 198 | IT'S MONICA. |
| 199 | I DON'T SEE IT THAT WAY, OKAY? BECAUSE I SEE TWO MONICAS-- |
| 200 | THE ONE THAT WAS MY FRIEND WHO LIVES ACROSS THE HALL |
| 201 | AND WANTED TO HAVE A LOT OF BABIES... |
| 202 | AND THEN THE NEW MONICA, WHO I JUST STARTED TO DATE. |
| 203 | OKAY, NOW, WHO'S TO SAY WHAT SHE WANTS? |
| 204 | I'M RIGHT. I'M RIGHT. |
| 205 | AM I RIGHT? |
| 206 | YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT, YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT. |
| 207 | I MEAN, THAT MAKES EVERYTHING DIFFERENT. |
| 208 | OKAY. |
| 209 | ( opens pop top ) |
| 210 | IT'S NOT DIFFERENT AT ALL, IS IT? |
| 211 | NOT UNLESS "DIFFERENT" MEANS "THE SAME." |
| 212 | YOU WERE SO FUNNY WITH THAT WAITER. |
| 213 | YOU'RE SUCH A NUT! |
| 214 | WELL, YOU KNOW, BREADSTICK FANGS |
| 215 | ARE ALWAYS FUNNY, SO... |
| 216 | NO, YOU MAKE THEM FUNNY. |
| 217 | YOU'RE THE FUNNY ONE! |
| 218 | THANKS. |
| 219 | UH, LOOK, KATIE, UH... |
| 220 | LISTEN, WE-WE NEED TO TALK, OKAY? |
| 221 | UM, LOOK, I LIKE YOU-- I-I REALLY DO. |
| 222 | I LIKE YOU A LOT, OKAY? |
| 223 | BUT SOMETIMES WHEN YOU PLAYFULLY PUNCH ME LIKE THAT |
| 224 | IT-IT FEELS LIKE SOMEONE'S HITTING ME |
| 225 | WITH A VERY TINY, BUT A VERY REAL BAT. |
| 226 | OH... LIKE I COULD HURT YOU. |
| 227 | ARE YOU MAKING FUN OF MY SIZE? |
| 228 | NO. |
| 229 | DON'T MAKE FUN OF ME BECAUSE OF MY SIZE! |
| 230 | YEAH, OKAY. |
| 231 | OH... |
| 232 | HMM... |
| 233 | ISN'T THIS GREAT? |
| 234 | MMM. |
| 235 | COULDN'T YOU JUST STAY LIKE THIS FOREVER? |
| 236 | CHANDLER? |
| 237 | COULDN'T YOU JUST STAY HERE FOREVER? |
| 238 | YEAH, HERE, SOMEWHERE ELSE... YOU KNOW, WHERE-WHEREVER. |
| 239 | ( nervous chuckle ) |
| 240 | ARE YOU OKAY? |
| 241 | YEAH. I'M COOL. |
| 242 | CASUAL. |
| 243 | WHAT-WHAT ARE YOU DOING? |
| 244 | OH, JUST HANGING OUT, YOU KNOW, HAVING FUN... |
| 245 | YOU KNOW, WITH THE GIRL THAT I'M SEEING CASUALLY. |
| 246 | ( scoffing ): OH... MAN, I KNEW IT. |
| 247 | I KNEW YOU WERE GOING TO DO THIS. |
| 248 | WHAT? GET ALL FREAKED OUT |
| 249 | BECAUSE EVERYBODY WAS TALKING AND JUST JOKING AROUND |
| 250 | ABOUT MARRIAGE AND STUFF. |
| 251 | WELL, YOU-YOU DO WANT ALL THAT STUFF, RIGHT? |
| 252 | OH, AND YOU KNOW WHAT I WANT. |
| 253 | YES. YOU WANT BABIES. |
| 254 | YOU HAVE BABY FEVER. |
| 255 | I DO NOT HAVE BABY FEVER. |
| 256 | OH, PLEASE. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH BABIES AND MARRIAGE |
| 257 | AND EVERYTHING THAT'S RELATED TO BABIES |
| 258 | AND-AND... MARRIAGE. |
| 259 | YOU KNOW WHAT? I GOT A GOOD IDEA. |
| 260 | WHY DON'T WE TURN THE HEAT DOWN |
| 261 | ON THIS PRESSURE COOKER?! |
| 262 | HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND? |
| 263 | CHANDLER, THIS ISN'T ABOUT ME; THIS IS ABOUT YOU |
| 264 | AND ALL YOUR WEIRD RELATIONSHIP COMMITMENT CRAP. |
| 265 | NUH-UH. I KNOW YOU, OKAY? |
| 266 | I KNOW THE THOUGHTS |
| 267 | THAT YOU HAVE IN THE HEAD-- IN YOUR HEAD. |
| 268 | WELL, YOU DON'T KNOW EVERYTHING. |
| 269 | DID YOU KNOW THAT I'M GOING OUT WITH RACHEL TONIGHT |
| 270 | INSTEAD OF YOU, HMM? |
| 271 | AND DID YOU KNOW THAT THE ONLY BABY AROUND HERE IS YOU? |
| 272 | AND DID YOU KNOW |
| 273 | THAT I CAN'T EVEN LOOK AT YOU RIGHT NOW? |
| 274 | YEAH, WELL, I DID NOT KNOW THAT. |
| 275 | THIS IS GOING TO BE OKAY, RIGHT? |
| 276 | I MEAN, SHE'S NOT GOING TO LEAVE ME. |
| 277 | THIS IS FIXABLE. |
| 278 | SURE. ABSOLUTELY. |
| 279 | BY ME. |
| 280 | OH, NO. |
| 281 | NO, NO, NO. |
| 282 | WELL, UNLESS YOU MAKE SOME KIND OF BIG GESTURE. |
| 283 | Joey: YEAH, BIG, THOUGH. |
| 284 | UH-OH! SHH! THE MISSUS. |
| 285 | GUNTHER, CAN I GET A COFFEE? |
| 286 | TO GO? |
| 287 | LOOK, MONICA... |
| 288 | I'M STILL NOT DONE NOT WANTING TO TALK TO YOU. |
| 289 | JUST TELL ME WHAT I NEED TO DO |
| 290 | TO MAKE THINGS RIGHT. |
| 291 | WHAT? |
| 292 | THAT'S WHAT WE DO. |
| 293 | I MESS UP, AND THEN YOU TELL ME HOW TO FIX IT |
| 294 | AND THEN I DO, AND THEN YOU THINK I'M ALL CUTE AGAIN. |
| 295 | I'M REALLY TIRED OF BEING YOUR RELATIONSHIP TUTOR. |
| 296 | YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO FIGURE THIS ONE OUT |
| 297 | FOR YOURSELF, ALL RIGHT? |
| 298 | IF YOU'RE TOO AFRAID TO BE IN A REAL RELATIONSHIP |
| 299 | THEN DON'T BE IN ONE. |
| 300 | ( chanting ): HOWARD! HOWARD! HOWARD! HOWARD! |
| 301 | HOWARD! HOWARD! HOWARD! HOWARD! |
| 302 | HOWARD! HOWARD! |
| 303 | HOWARD! HOWARD! HOWARD! HOWARD! |
| 304 | PHOEBE? |
| 305 | HOWARD! PHOEBE? |
| 306 | HOWARD! YAY! OH, HI, ROSS! |
| 307 | WHAT ARE YOU DOING? |
| 308 | OH, I THOUGHT THIS WAS YOUR PARTY |
| 309 | AND IT TURNS OUT, IT'S A PARTY FOR HOWARD. |
| 310 | HE'S THE SWEETEST LITTLE MAN. |
| 311 | SEE YA, PHOEBE. |
| 312 | OH, AND, HEY, THANKS FOR CHIPPING IN. |
| 313 | OH, SURE. |
| 314 | YOU CHIPPED IN? |
| 315 | YEAH, UH-HUH. $100. |
| 316 | PHOEBE, I-I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU GAVE HIM MONEY. |
| 317 | I THOUGHT YOU AGREED IT WAS TRULY UNREASONABLE |
| 318 | THAT THEY ASKED ME FOR THAT MONEY. |
| 319 | YEAH, BUT THEY DIDN'T ASK ME, YOU KNOW |
| 320 | AND THIS WAY I'M JUST THE EXOTIC, GENEROUS STRANGER |
| 321 | AND THAT'S ALWAYS FUN TO BE. |
| 322 | YEAH, BUT YOU'RE MAKING ME LOOK BAD. |
| 323 | NO, I'M NOT. NO. |
| 324 | IF ANYTHING, I'M MAKING YOU LOOK BETTER. |
| 325 | THEY'LL SEE YOU TALKING TO ME, AND THAT'S, YOU KNOW. |
| 326 | I'M A HIT. |
| 327 | HEY, PHEEBS. |
| 328 | HEY. |
| 329 | OH, HEY, ROSS. |
| 330 | UM, SAY, I WAS THINKING |
| 331 | MAYBE YOU TWO COULD SWITCH APARTMENTS |
| 332 | 'CAUSE PHOEBE'S MORE OUR KIND OF PEOPLE. |
| 333 | SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT. |
| 334 | YEAH, OKAY, MY BAD. |
| 335 | HEY. |
| 336 | HI. |
| 337 | WOW, YOU LOOK... YOU LOOK BIG. |
| 338 | THANKS. I'VE BEEN WORKING OUT. |
| 339 | HEY, LISTEN, IS IT OBVIOUS I'M WEARING SIX SWEATERS? |
| 340 | UH, YEAH. BUT IT'S NOT OBVIOUS WHY. |
| 341 | WELL, LOOK, I'M BREAKING UP WITH KATIE. |
| 342 | SO I HAD TO PUT ON SOME EXTRA PADDING. |
| 343 | I MEAN, IF SHE HITS ME WHEN SHE'S HAPPY |
| 344 | CAN YOU IMAGINE HOW HARD SHE'S GOING TO HIT ME |
| 345 | WHEN I TELL HER I'M TAKING AWAY THE JOEY LOVE? |
| 346 | HEY. HEY. |
| 347 | HOW ARE YOU? |
| 348 | HEY, CUTE JACKET. |
| 349 | OH, THANKS. |
| 350 | THAT'S SO SWEET. WHOA. |
| 351 | OW! |
| 352 | ( laughing ) |
| 353 | OH, "OW." DID JOEY TELL YOU TO SAY THAT? |
| 354 | YOU GUYS ARE TOO MUCH. |
| 355 | WHOA. |
| 356 | YOU KNOW WHAT, KATIE? |
| 357 | I GOT TO TELL YOU. |
| 358 | I-I-I THINK YOU'RE THE ONE THAT IS TOO MUCH. |
| 359 | OH, JOEY HAS THE NICEST FRIENDS. |
| 360 | OH, AND THE NICEST GIRLFRIEND. |
| 361 | OH... |
| 362 | YOU'RE SO SWEET. |
| 363 | WELL, YOU'RE SO SWEET. |
| 364 | OW! |
| 365 | JOEY... SHE JUST KICKED ME. |
| 366 | HUH. |
| 367 | WELL? |
| 368 | AREN'T YOU GOING TO DO SOMETHING? |
| 369 | UH... |
| 370 | YOU'D BETTER DO SOMETHING |
| 371 | OR I'M GOING TO WALK OUT THAT DOOR RIGHT NOW. |
| 372 | WELL? |
| 373 | ARE YOU GONNA? |
| 374 | NAH. |
| 375 | ( laughing ) |
| 376 | PHOEBE? |
| 377 | THAT'S WHAT I WAS SAYING. |
| 378 | PHOEBE, PHOEBE... |
| 379 | OOH. |
| 380 | LOOK, THIS IS A DISASTER. |
| 381 | CAN'T I PLEASE JUST GO? |
| 382 | NO, NO. I'M TALKING YOU UP TO PEOPLE. |
| 383 | JUST GIVE IT A LITTLE TIME, ALL RIGHT? |
| 384 | RELAX. GET SOMETHING TO EAT. |
| 385 | OKAY? |
| 386 | SO, UH, WHAT |
| 387 | DID YOU TELL THEM ABOUT ME? |
| 388 | UM, OH, I WAS TELLING THEM ABOUT YOU AND EMILY. |
| 389 | YOU KNOW, TRY TO GET SOME SYMPATHY? |
| 390 | BUT SOMEHOW YOU CAME OFF AS THE BAD GUY. |
| 391 | WHAT? |
| 392 | YEAH. I THINK I TOLD IT WRONG. |
| 393 | YOU KNOW, WE SHOULD TALK ABOUT THAT |
| 394 | 'CAUSE I DON'T TOTALLY UNDERSTAND |
| 395 | WHAT HAPPENED THERE. |
| 396 | OOH, THIS CAKE IS REALLY GOOD. |
| 397 | SEE? THINGS ARE LOOKING UP ALREADY. |
| 398 | OH, MY GOD, SOMEONE CUT HOWARD'S CAKE. |
| 399 | WHO WOULD DO A THING LIKE THAT? |
| 400 | 3-B. |
| 401 | All: OH, YEAH. AW, COME ON. |
| 402 | OKAY, YOU GOT YOUR FREE FOOD, YOU RUINED EVERYONE'S FUN. |
| 403 | DON'T YOU THINK IT'S TIME YOU WENT HOME? |
| 404 | All: HEY, GO HOME. |
| 405 | GO BACK TO 3-B, 3-B. |
| 406 | OKAY, EVERYONE? |
| 407 | EVERYONE CALM DOWN. |
| 408 | I HAVE SOMETHING THAT I WOULD LIKE TO SAY. |
| 409 | WHO HERE LIKES ROSS? |
| 410 | WELL, OF COURSE YOU DON'T LIKE HIM. |
| 411 | HE DIDN'T GIVE YOU ANY MONEY. |
| 412 | HE RAISED HIS OWN HAND WHEN I ASKED, "WHO HERE LIKES ROSS?" |
| 413 | AND HE'S WEARING TWO NAME TAGS. |
| 414 | I'LL BE HONEST WITH YOU GUYS. |
| 415 | WHEN I FIRST MET ROSS, I DIDN'T LIKE HIM AT ALL. |
| 416 | BUT THEN, ONCE I GOT TO KNOW HIM |
| 417 | I SAW THAT HE'S REALLY SWEET AND CARING |
| 418 | AND VERY GENEROUS. |
| 419 | I MEAN, ALL I'M SAYING IS DON'T JUDGE ROSS |
| 420 | BEFORE YOU GET TO KNOW HIM, ALL RIGHT? |
| 421 | I MEAN, YOU KNOW, I LIKE ALL YOU GUYS NOW |
| 422 | BUT WHEN I FIRST MET YOU, YOU KNOW... CURT-- |
| 423 | I THOUGHT, YOU KNOW |
| 424 | "ABRASIVE DRUNK." |
| 425 | UM, LOLA-- |
| 426 | "MIND-NUMBINGLY STUPID." |
| 427 | YOU KNOW, AND... |
| 428 | OKAY, YOU GUYS |
| 429 | "GOLD-DIGGER," "CRADLE-ROBBING PERV." |
| 430 | SO I THINK YOU ALL KNOW WHAT I MEAN. |
| 431 | OBVIOUSLY, I DIDN'T THINK |
| 432 | THEY WERE GOING TO START THROWING THINGS. |
| 433 | I JUST THOUGHT |
| 434 | IF I KEPT INSULTING THEM |
| 435 | YOU WOULD JUMP IN AND DEFEND EVERYONE |
| 436 | AND THEN YOU COULD LOOK LIKE THE HERO. |
| 437 | OH, WOW, YEAH. |
| 438 | SEE, I DID NOT GET THAT. |
| 439 | WHERE'S MONICA? |
| 440 | I NEED TO TALK TO HER. |
| 441 | IT'S URGENT. IS SHE HERE? |
| 442 | I'M MONICA. |
| 443 | I NEED TO TALK TO YOU. IT'S URGENT. |
| 444 | OKAY. |
| 445 | OKAY, I'VE BEEN DOING A LOT OF THINKING |
| 446 | ABOUT US, YOU KNOW, A LOT OF, UH, "US" THINKING |
| 447 | AND, UH... WELL, I GUESS THERE'S ONLY ONE... |
| 448 | ONE WAY TO DO THIS. |
| 449 | NO, NO, NO. |
| 450 | WH-WHAT...? WHAT ARE YOU DOING? |
| 451 | MONICA... |
| 452 | NO, NO, NO. DON'T... DON'T DO IT. |
| 453 | WILL YOU MARRY ME? |
| 454 | OH, NO, NO, NO, NO. |
| 455 | WHAT A BAD IDEA. |
| 456 | OH, I CAN'T NOT LOOK AT IT. |
| 457 | CHANDLER, WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS? |
| 458 | I DON'T KNOW. |
| 459 | BUT I KNOW I'M NOT AFRAID TO DO THIS. |
| 460 | CHANDLER... |
| 461 | I'M DOING THIS BECAUSE I'M SORRY? |
| 462 | D-DO YOU, UM, YOU REALLY THINK |
| 463 | THE BEST REASON TO GET MARRIED |
| 464 | IS BECAUSE YOU'RE SORRY? |
| 465 | WELL, NO. THE BEST REASON TO GET MARRIED |
| 466 | IS PREGNANCY. |
| 467 | BUT "SORRY" IS PRETTY MUCH FOURTH |
| 468 | YOU KNOW, BEHIND "BEING READY" |
| 469 | AND "ACTUALLY WANTING TO GET MARRIED." |
| 470 | WILL YOU BE MY WIFE? |
| 471 | CHANDLER, UM, I WANT YOU TO TAKE JUST A MINUTE |
| 472 | AND I WANT YOU TO THINK ABOUT |
| 473 | HOW RIDICULOUS THIS SOUNDS. |
| 474 | YEAH, I'M KIND OF WISHING EVERYONE WASN'T HERE RIGHT NOW. |
| 475 | OH, HONEY, DO YOU KNOW |
| 476 | THAT NONE OF THAT STUFF CAME FROM ME? |
| 477 | I MEAN, I NEVER SAID THAT I WANTED |
| 478 | TO HAVE BABIES AND GET MARRIED RIGHT NOW. |
| 479 | YEAH, I KNOW, BUT I WAS REALLY CONFUSED |
| 480 | AND THEN I TALKED TO THESE GUYS |
| 481 | WHO, TWO-DIVORCES AND JOEY? |
| 482 | HEY. |
| 483 | SHE'S RIGHT, YOU KNOW. |
| 484 | YEAH, BUT STILL, CHEAP SHOT. |
| 485 | YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 486 | YOU WHEN I WHEN I SAID THAT I WANT YOU TO DEAL |
| 487 | WITH THIS RELATIONSHIP STUFF ALL ON YOUR OWN? |
| 488 | WELL, YOU'RE NOT READY FOR THAT. |
| 489 | I DIDN'T THINK I WAS. |
| 490 | COME HERE. |
| 491 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 492 | WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE DONE IF I HAD SAID YES? |
| 493 | WELL, I WOULD HAVE BEEN HAPPY |
| 494 | BECAUSE I WOULD HAVE BEEN ABLE TO SPEND THE REST OF MY LIFE |
| 495 | WITH THE WOMAN THAT I LOVE. |
| 496 | OR YOU WOULD HAVE SEEN A CHANDLER-SHAPED HOLE |
| 497 | IN THAT DOOR. |
| 498 | WOULD YOU PASS ME THAT KNIFE? |
| 499 | NO, I WILL NOT. |
| 500 | YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE MEAN ABOUT IT. |
| 501 | YOU'RE RIGHT. I'M SORRY. |
| 502 | WILL YOU MARRY ME? |
| 503 | I WAS GOING TO ASK YOU TO MARRY ME |
| 504 | 'CAUSE I FORGOT TO SAY HELLO TO YOU LAST WEEK. |
| 505 | OH, NO, WAIT, PHEEBS, I THINK |
| 506 | WITH SOMETHING LIKE THAT, YOU JUST ASK THEM |
| 507 | TO MOVE IN WITH YOU, BUT I'M NOT SURE. |
| 508 | CHANDLER? |
| 509 | OKAY, HOW LONG IS THIS GOING TO GO ON? |
| 510 | WELL, I THINK THE LENGTH OF TEASING |
| 511 | IS DIRECTLY RELATED TO HOW INSANE YOU WERE |
| 512 | SO A LONG TIME. |
| 513 | THIS IS FUN. |
| 514 | HEY, RACH, REMEMBER THAT WHOLE "WE WERE ON A BREAK" THING? |
| 515 | WELL, I'M SORRY. WILL YOU MARRY ME? |
| 516 | ( only Ross laughs ) |
| 517 | ( laughter trails off ) |
| 518 | All: THAT'S NOT FUNNY. |
| 519 | [Captioned by The Caption Center WGBH Educational Foundation] |
| 520 | |
| 1 | HEY. |
| 2 | Both: HEY. |
| 3 | WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING UP? |
| 4 | OH, WE WANTED TO FINISH THE CROSSWORD |
| 5 | BEFORE WE WENT TO BED. |
| 6 | DO YOU KNOW A SIX-LETTER WORD FOR RED? |
| 7 | DARK RED. |
| 8 | YEAH, I THINK THAT'S WRONG |
| 9 | BUT THERE'S A CONNECT-THE-DOTS IN HERE FOR YOU LATER. |
| 10 | HEY, HOW ABOUT MAROON? |
| 11 | YES. YOU ARE SO SMART. |
| 12 | AH. YOU GUYS ARE SO CUTE. |
| 13 | I KNOW. |
| 14 | ALL RIGHT, I'LL SEE YOU IN THE MORNING. |
| 15 | OKAY. OKAY. |
| 16 | I LOVE DOING CROSSWORD PUZZLES WITH YOU, HONEY. |
| 17 | AH. ME, TOO. |
| 18 | LET'S FINISH THIS AND GO TO BED. |
| 19 | OKAY. |
| 20 | THERE'S ONLY ONE LEFT. |
| 21 | THREE-LETTER WORD... |
| 22 | NOT DOG, BUT.. |
| 23 | CAT. |
| 24 | YES! |
| 25 | YOU ARE SO SMART. |
| 26 | I LOVE YOU. |
| 27 | I LOVE YOU, TOO. |
| 28 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 29 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 30 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 31 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 32 | ♪ WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY, YOUR WEEK ♪ |
| 33 | ♪ YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 34 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 35 | ♪ WHEN THE RAIN STARTS TO POUR ♪ |
| 36 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 37 | ♪ LIKE I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE ♪ |
| 38 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 39 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME, TOO. ♪ |
| 40 | UH... |
| 41 | WE STILL NEED A TIP. |
| 42 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 43 | HOLD ON. |
| 44 | I GOT IT. |
| 45 | NICKEL. |
| 46 | HOW MUCH MORE DO WE NEED? |
| 47 | COUPLE OF BUCKS. |
| 48 | OKAY, DIME. |
| 49 | YOU GUYS SHOULD PROBABLY KEEP TALKING. |
| 50 | THIS COULD TAKE AWHILE. |
| 51 | OH, NO, WAIT! LOOKIT! |
| 52 | WHOA! |
| 53 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 54 | THIS IS A POLICE BADGE. |
| 55 | WHY WOULD A COP COME IN HERE, THOUGH? |
| 56 | THEY DON'T SERVE DOUGHNUTS. |
| 57 | COULD YOU DISCOVER THE BADGE AGAIN? |
| 58 | I THINK I CAN COME UP WITH SOMETHING BETTER THAN THAT. |
| 59 | I BET SOMEBODY'S MISSING THAT BADGE. |
| 60 | YEAH, I SHOULD PROBABLY TAKE IT BACK. |
| 61 | OOH, BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? WHILE I'M AT THE POLICE STATION |
| 62 | I COULD CHECK THEIR TEN MOST WANTED LIST. |
| 63 | 'CAUSE MY FRIEND FRITZY'S BEEN NUMBER 11 FOR, LIKE, EVER |
| 64 | SO THIS COULD BE HER YEAR. |
| 65 | HEY, YOU GUYS. |
| 66 | HEY, JOEY. |
| 67 | HEY. |
| 68 | HI. |
| 69 | IS THAT, UH... IS THAT MY SWEATSHIRT? |
| 70 | OH, YES, IT IS. |
| 71 | I'M SORRY. I BORROWED IT. |
| 72 | I WAS COLD. I-I HOPE IT'S OKAY. |
| 73 | UH, WELL, IT'S JUST THAT, UH... |
| 74 | YOU KNOW, IF YOU'RE GOING TO BE WEARING SOMEONE'S SWEATSHIRT |
| 75 | SHOULDN'T IT BE YOUR BOYFRIEND'S? |
| 76 | YOU KNOW... AND I'M NOT HIM. |
| 77 | I'M SORRY. I'LL GIVE IT BACK TO YOU. |
| 78 | NO, NO. |
| 79 | NO. IT'S GOING TO BE |
| 80 | ALL SMELLING LIKE MONICA. |
| 81 | ARE YOU SAYING I SMELL BAD? |
| 82 | NO. NO, YOU SMELL LIKE A MEADOW. |
| 83 | I'M SORRY. I... |
| 84 | WHAT'S WITH HIM? |
| 85 | OH, YOU KNOW WHAT? THE LAST TIME THAT JOEY WENT TO A MEADOW |
| 86 | HIS MOTHER WAS SHOT BY A HUNTER. |
| 87 | OH! |
| 88 | YEAH, I STILL DON'T KNOW. |
| 89 | I'M SORRY, I JUST WANT TO MAKE SURE I BOUGHT THE RIGHT COUCH. |
| 90 | I NEED A COUCH THAT SAYS |
| 91 | "KIDS WELCOME HERE" |
| 92 | BUT THAT ALSO SAYS... |
| 93 | "COME HERE TO ME." |
| 94 | WHAT? |
| 95 | YOU SAY THAT TO KIDS? |
| 96 | NO, NO, NO. |
| 97 | THE "COME HERE TO ME" IS... |
| 98 | YOU KNOW, FOR THE LADIES. |
| 99 | ROSS, HONEY, IT'S A NICE COUCH. |
| 100 | IT'S NOT A MAGIC COUCH. |
| 101 | YOU PICKED A GREAT COUCH. |
| 102 | YEAH? |
| 103 | COULD YOU SIGN HERE, PLEASE? |
| 104 | WHOA, WHOA. WHAT'S...? |
| 105 | THE DELIVERY CHARGE IS ALMOST AS MUCH AS THE COUCH. |
| 106 | WAIT, NO. THAT'S RIDICULOUS. |
| 107 | COME ON, HE LIVES THREE BLOCKS AWAY. |
| 108 | YEAH, YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 109 | I'LL TAKE IT MYSELF, THANK YOU. |
| 110 | ALL RIGHT, RACH, COME ON. LET'S GO. |
| 111 | YEAH. |
| 112 | ( laughing ) |
| 113 | ARE YOU KIDDING? |
| 114 | NO, COME ON. IT'S ONLY THREE BLOCKS. |
| 115 | IT'S NOT VERY HEAVY. |
| 116 | TRY IT. COME ON. |
| 117 | ( frustrated grunt ) |
| 118 | OH! OH, I CAN DO IT. |
| 119 | YEAH. |
| 120 | YOU TWO WILL REALLY ENJOY THAT COUCH. |
| 121 | OH, YEAH, WE'RE, UH... |
| 122 | YEAH, WE'RE NOT TOGETHER. |
| 123 | OH. OKAY. |
| 124 | ( laughing ) |
| 125 | SOMETHING DIDN'T QUITE ADD UP THERE. |
| 126 | ROSS... |
| 127 | WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN? |
| 128 | ROSS... |
| 129 | YOU... HER... |
| 130 | I MEAN, SHE'S VERY... |
| 131 | YOU KNOW... |
| 132 | AND YOU'RE LIKE... |
| 133 | YOU KNOW... |
| 134 | NOT THAT IT'S ANY OF YOUR BUSINESS, BUT WE DID GO OUT. |
| 135 | REALLY? YOU TWO? |
| 136 | YEAH. RACH? |
| 137 | I REALLY DON'T WANT TO BE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW. |
| 138 | I'M CARRYING A VERY HEAVY COUCH. |
| 139 | THEN TELL HIM QUICKLY. |
| 140 | FINE. WE WENT OUT. |
| 141 | NOT ONLY DID WE GO OUT |
| 142 | WE DID IT... 298 TIMES. |
| 143 | ROSS! |
| 144 | OH, MY... |
| 145 | OH! YOU KEPT COUNT?! |
| 146 | YOU ARE SUCH A LOSER. |
| 147 | A LOSER YOU DID IT WITH 298 TIMES. |
| 148 | OH! OH! |
| 149 | MA'AM! EXCUSE ME, MA'AM? |
| 150 | YES? |
| 151 | YOU CAN'T PUT YOUR CIGARETTE OUT ON A TREE. |
| 152 | YEAH, I CAN. IT WORKED REAL WELL. |
| 153 | NO, BUT YOU SHOULDN'T. |
| 154 | SO DON'T EVER DO THAT AGAIN. |
| 155 | I WON'T... |
| 156 | TILL I HAVE MY NEXT CIGARETTE. |
| 157 | HOLD IT. |
| 158 | N.Y.P.D. FREEZE, PUNK. |
| 159 | WHAT? |
| 160 | YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT. |
| 161 | YOU ARE SO BUSTED. |
| 162 | ( laughing ) |
| 163 | UH, BOOK 'EM. |
| 164 | WHO ARE YOU TALKING TO? |
| 165 | SAVE IT, RED! |
| 166 | UNLESS YOU WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT IN THE SLAMMER |
| 167 | YOU APOLOGIZE TO THE TREE. |
| 168 | I AM NOT GOING TO APOLOGIZE TO A TREE. |
| 169 | YOU APOLOGIZE TO THE TREE RIGHT NOW |
| 170 | OR I AM CALLING FOR BACKUP. |
| 171 | BACKUP! BACKUP! |
| 172 | I-I'M SORRY! SORRY! |
| 173 | OKAY, CANCEL BACKUP! |
| 174 | CANCEL BACKUP! |
| 175 | OKAY. |
| 176 | ROSS, DIDN'T YOU SAY THAT THERE WAS AN ELEVATOR IN HERE? |
| 177 | UH, YES, I DID, BUT THERE ISN'T. |
| 178 | OKAY, HERE WE GO. |
| 179 | OKAY, GO LEFT. LEFT. |
| 180 | OKAY. |
| 181 | LEFT! |
| 182 | OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 183 | THERE'S NO MORE LEFT LEFT. |
| 184 | OH, OKAY. |
| 185 | YOU KNOW, LIFT IT STRAIGHT UP OVER YOUR HEAD. |
| 186 | STRAIGHT UP OVER YOUR HEAD. |
| 187 | YOU CAN DO IT. |
| 188 | YOU CAN DO IT. |
| 189 | ( grunting ) |
| 190 | OKAY. YOU GOT IT? |
| 191 | YEAH. GO. GO. |
| 192 | OKAY, YOU GOT IT, RIGHT? YOU GOT IT, RIGHT? |
| 193 | RIGHT. YEAH. |
| 194 | ( screams ) |
| 195 | ANY CHANCE YOU THINK THE COUCH LOOKS GOOD THERE? |
| 196 | SO, THIS GUY WAS ALL |
| 197 | ( mumbles ) |
| 198 | AND I'M ALL, "BUFFAY. HOMICIDE." |
| 199 | IT WAS JUST SO COOL. |
| 200 | PHOEBE, YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO TAKE THAT BACK. |
| 201 | I KNOW, BUT I'M HAVING SO MUCH FUN DOING GOOD DEEDS. |
| 202 | OKAY, BUT IMPERSONATING A POLICE OFFICER'S A SERIOUS THING. |
| 203 | YOU COULD GET ARRESTED. |
| 204 | YOU COULD GET ARRESTED RIGHT NOW. |
| 205 | ALL RIGHT, YEAH, I BETTER TAKE IT BACK. |
| 206 | TOTALLY DRUNK WITH POWER. |
| 207 | HEY. |
| 208 | HEY. |
| 209 | OH, I... |
| 210 | HI, JOE. |
| 211 | I DIDN'T KNOW YOU GUYS |
| 212 | WERE GOING TO BE HERE. |
| 213 | HEY, JOEY? DO ME A FAVOR, SWEETIE. TASTE THIS. |
| 214 | WHAT? WHY? |
| 215 | WHAT IS GOING ON WITH YOU? NOTHING. |
| 216 | YOU'VE BEEN ACTING STRANGE ALL DAY. |
| 217 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 218 | THERE IS SOMETHING. |
| 219 | I, UH... |
| 220 | I KIND OF HAD A DREAM... |
| 221 | BUT I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT. |
| 222 | WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA! |
| 223 | WHAT IF MARTIN LUTHER KING HAD SAID THAT? |
| 224 | I... KIND OF HAVE A DREAM. |
| 225 | I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT. |
| 226 | IT INVOLVED MONICA. |
| 227 | YOU HAD A DREAM ABOUT A GIRL THAT I'M SEEING? OH, THAT IS SO COOL. |
| 228 | SO MANY TIMES I DREAMT ABOUT A GIRL THAT HE WAS SEEING. |
| 229 | ANYWAY, WE'RE TALKING ABOUT YOUR DREAM. |
| 230 | I LOVE YOU. YOUR DREAM? |
| 231 | THERE WASN'T ANY SEX IN IT OR ANYTHING. |
| 232 | I HAVEN'T DREAMT ABOUT HER LIKE THAT |
| 233 | SINCE I FOUND OUT ABOUT YOU TWO... ISH. |
| 234 | WHAT WAS THE DREAM ABOUT? |
| 235 | WELL... OKAY. |
| 236 | YOU WERE MY GIRLFRIEND |
| 237 | AND WE WERE DOING THE CROSSWORD PUZZLE-- |
| 238 | YOU KNOW, LIKE YOU GUYS WERE DOING LAST NIGHT. |
| 239 | SO, THAT'S IT. |
| 240 | I'M IN LOVE WITH MONICA AND I'LL BE MOVING OUT. |
| 241 | WAIT, JOEY, JOEY. |
| 242 | THAT DOESN'T MEAN THAT-THAT YOU'RE IN LOVE WITH ME. |
| 243 | IT... IT DOESN'T? |
| 244 | NO, IT CAN MEAN ANYTHING... |
| 245 | LIKE ALL OF A SUDDEN YOU'RE JEALOUS |
| 246 | THAT I'VE BECOME THE APARTMENT STUD. |
| 247 | KIND OF SOUNDS LIKE YOUR DREAM, DUDE. |
| 248 | OR IT COULD MEAN THAT YOU SAW CHANDLER AND ME TOGETHER |
| 249 | AND WE WERE BEING CLOSE AND STUFF |
| 250 | AND-AND YOU JUST WANT TO HAVE THAT WITH SOMEONE, TOO. |
| 251 | WELL, IN THE DREAM, I DID ENJOY THE CLOSENESS. |
| 252 | Monica: MM-HMM. |
| 253 | OKAY, LOOK, LOOK. |
| 254 | ARE YOU ATTRACTED TO MONICA? |
| 255 | RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW, ARE YOU ATTRACTED TO HER? |
| 256 | NOT REALLY. |
| 257 | WELL, THERE YOU HAVE IT. |
| 258 | WELL, SURE, I'M JUST WEARING SWEATS. |
| 259 | BUT THAT'S GOOD... |
| 260 | THAT YOU'RE NOT IN LOVE WITH ME |
| 261 | BECAUSE YOU JUST WANT A GIRLFRIEND. |
| 262 | NO, I DON'T THINK IT'S JUST ABOUT |
| 263 | JUST GETTING A GIRLFRIEND, YOU KNOW? |
| 264 | I MEAN, YEAH, I COULD GET A GIRLFRIEND. |
| 265 | YEAH, WE COULD SIT IN THE CHAIR AND DO CROSSWORD PUZZLES |
| 266 | BUT WILL WE EVER HAVE THE CLOSENESS LIKE YOU GUYS HAVE? |
| 267 | WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT? MONICA AND I WERE FRIENDS |
| 268 | BEFORE WE STARTED DATING |
| 269 | SO MAYBE THAT'S IT. |
| 270 | FRIENDS FIRST? |
| 271 | THAT'S INTERESTING. |
| 272 | ( chuckles ) |
| 273 | YOU BECOME FRIENDS AFTER? |
| 274 | NO. NEVER DONE THAT, EITHER. |
| 275 | HEY... UM, DO YOU GUYS HAVE A TAPE MEASURE? |
| 276 | OH, YEAH, IT'S ACTUALLY IN MY BEDROOM. |
| 277 | ( giggling ) |
| 278 | THAT'S RIGHT. |
| 279 | WHAT'S UP, JOEY? |
| 280 | HOW YOU DOIN'? |
| 281 | OH... EXCUSE ME. IS THIS YOUR CAR? YEAH. |
| 282 | I DON'T THINK IT'S VERY NICE OF YOU TO PARK HERE. |
| 283 | YOU'RE BLOCKING THE ENTRANCE. |
| 284 | DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT. IT'S NOT A PROBLEM. |
| 285 | WELL, IT'S A PROBLEM FOR ME |
| 286 | WHICH MEANS IT'S A PROBLEM FOR YOU |
| 287 | 'CAUSE I'M A COP. |
| 288 | SO AM I. |
| 289 | OH, NO. |
| 290 | OH, OKAY, SO YOU'RE A COP |
| 291 | WHICH MEANS YOU CAN PARK ANYWHERE. |
| 292 | I KNOW THAT, 'CAUSE I'M A COP, TOO. |
| 293 | SORRY. KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK. TEN-FOUR. |
| 294 | HEY, WAIT A SECOND. |
| 295 | SO WHAT PRECINCT ARE YOU WITH? |
| 296 | I-I'M WITH THE, UM, THE 57th. |
| 297 | OH, I KNOW A GUY IN HOMICIDE UP THERE. |
| 298 | I'M IN VICE. |
| 299 | YEAH, IN FACT, I'M UNDERCOVER RIGHT NOW. |
| 300 | I'M A WHORE. |
| 301 | WHO ELSE IS IN VICE UP THERE? |
| 302 | UM, DO YOU KNOW, UM, SIPOWITZ? |
| 303 | SIPOWITZ? NO, I DON'T THINK SO. |
| 304 | YEAH, SIPOWITZ, YEAH. |
| 305 | BIG GUY, KIND OF BALD. |
| 306 | NAH, I DON'T KNOW HIM. |
| 307 | OKAY. |
| 308 | DON'T TRY TO CALL HIM OR ANYTHING |
| 309 | 'CAUSE HE'S NOT THERE. |
| 310 | HE'S OUT. |
| 311 | HIS, UM... HIS PARTNER JUST DIED. |
| 312 | WOW. WELL, TELL SIPOWITZ I'M REAL SORRY FOR HIS LOSS. |
| 313 | I-I SURE WILL. TAKE CARE. |
| 314 | OKAY. |
| 315 | HEY, BY THE WAY |
| 316 | I'M SURE SIPOWITZ IS GOING TO BE ALL RIGHT. |
| 317 | I HEARD THAT KID FROM SILVER SPOONS |
| 318 | IS REALLY GOOD. |
| 319 | AND WHERE'D YOU FIND MY BADGE? |
| 320 | OH. |
| 321 | HEY, JOEY, WOULD YOU MIND |
| 322 | GIVING ME AND ROSS A HAND MOVING HIS COUCH? |
| 323 | OH, I'D LOVE TO, BUT I GOT ACTING CLASS. |
| 324 | BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 325 | I GUESS I COULD BLOW THAT OFF... |
| 326 | FOR YOU. |
| 327 | THANKS. |
| 328 | UH, SAY, RACHEL, LET ME ASK YOU SOMETHING. |
| 329 | UH, I WAS JUST OVER THERE |
| 330 | TALKING TO MONICA AND CHANDLER |
| 331 | AND, BOY, THEY ARE REALLY TIGHT. |
| 332 | I KNOW. |
| 333 | THAT'S NOT A BAD SITUATION THEY GOT GOING OVER THERE. |
| 334 | UH-UH. |
| 335 | THINKING OF GETTING ME ONE OF THOSE. |
| 336 | WHAT'S UP, JOE? |
| 337 | WELL, THE REASON I THINK MONICA AND CHANDLER |
| 338 | ARE SO GREAT IS BECAUSE THEY WERE FRIENDS FIRST, YOU KNOW? |
| 339 | SO I ASKED MYSELF, WHO ARE MY FRIENDS? |
| 340 | YOU AND PHOEBE. |
| 341 | I SAW YOU FIRST, SO... |
| 342 | ( nervous laughing ) |
| 343 | WHAT ARE YOU SAYING? |
| 344 | I'M SAYING, MAYBE YOU AND I CRANK IT UP A NOTCH. |
| 345 | YOU KNOW, HONEY, UM, AS, UH... AS FLATTERED AS I AM |
| 346 | THAT YOU SAW ME FIRST, UH, I JUST... |
| 347 | I DON'T THINK WE SHOULD BE CRANKING ANYTHING UP. |
| 348 | WELL, I'LL TREAT YOU REAL NICE. |
| 349 | OH-HO. |
| 350 | YEAH, WELL, YOU KNOW, UM... |
| 351 | NO, HONEY, LISTEN, I THINK IT'S A GREAT IDEA TO BECOME |
| 352 | FRIENDS WITH SOMEONE BEFORE YOU DATE THEM |
| 353 | BUT THE WAY YOU DO IT IS, YOU KNOW, YOU MEET SOMEONE |
| 354 | BECOME THEIR FRIEND, BUILD A FOUNDATION |
| 355 | THEN ASK THEM OUT ON A DATE. |
| 356 | DON'T HIT ON YOUR EXISTING FRIENDS. |
| 357 | WELL, WON'T THAT TAKE LONGER? |
| 358 | YEAH. YEAH. |
| 359 | OH, BUT ONCE YOU FIND IT, OH, IT'S SO WORTH THE WAIT. |
| 360 | YEAH. WELL, I UNDERSTAND. |
| 361 | I UNDERSTAND, YOU KNOW. |
| 362 | MAN, I WISH I SAW PHOEBE FIRST. |
| 363 | COME HERE TO ME. |
| 364 | NO, NO. YOU COME HERE TO ME. |
| 365 | HEY, ROSS. |
| 366 | ( clearing throat ) |
| 367 | I BROUGHT REINFORCEMENTS. |
| 368 | OH, GREAT. WHAT, YOU BROUGHT JOEY? |
| 369 | WELL, I BROUGHT THE NEXT BEST THING. |
| 370 | HEY. |
| 371 | CHANDLER? YOU BROUGHT CHANDLER? |
| 372 | THE NEXT BEST THING WOULD BE MONICA. |
| 373 | YOU KNOW, I WOULD BE OFFENDED |
| 374 | BUT MONICA IS FREAKISHLY STRONG, SO... |
| 375 | ALL RIGHT, LOOK, I-I DREW A SKETCH |
| 376 | OF HOW WE'RE GOING TO DO IT, OKAY? |
| 377 | RACH, THAT'S YOU. |
| 378 | THAT'S THE COUCH. |
| 379 | MM-HMM. OOH, WHAT'S THAT? |
| 380 | OH, THAT'S ME. |
| 381 | WOW. |
| 382 | YOU CERTAINLY THINK A LOT OF YOURSELF. |
| 383 | NO, THAT'S... THAT'S MY ARM. |
| 384 | OH, I SEE. |
| 385 | I THOUGHT YOU JUST REALLY, REALLY LIKED YOUR NEW COUCH. |
| 386 | YOU KNOW, JUST... JUST FOLLOW MY LEAD. |
| 387 | OKAY. OKAY. |
| 388 | COME ON, CHANDLER. |
| 389 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 390 | OKAY. |
| 391 | HERE WE GO. |
| 392 | ALL RIGHT, READY, SET, TURN. |
| 393 | OKAY. |
| 394 | TURN. |
| 395 | TURN. |
| 396 | ( screaming ) |
| 397 | I DON'T THINK WE CAN TURN ANYMORE. |
| 398 | ROSS, I JUST DON'T THINK |
| 399 | IT'S GOING TO FIT. |
| 400 | OH, YEAH, IT WILL. |
| 401 | COME ON, UP. UP, UP, UP. |
| 402 | UP! |
| 403 | HERE WE GO, PIVOT. |
| 404 | PIVOT! |
| 405 | PIVOT! |
| 406 | PIVOT! |
| 407 | PIVOT! |
| 408 | PIVOT. |
| 409 | SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP. |
| 410 | OKAY, I... I DON'T THINK IT'S GOING TO PIVOT ANYMORE. |
| 411 | YOU THINK? YOU THINK? |
| 412 | ALL RIGHT, LET'S, UH... |
| 413 | LET'S BRING IT BACK DOWN AND TRY AGAIN. |
| 414 | OKAY. OH... |
| 415 | ( grunting and groaning ) |
| 416 | OKAY, YEAH. I THINK IT'S REALLY STUCK NOW. |
| 417 | I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT DIDN'T WORK. |
| 418 | I KNOW. ME NEITHER. |
| 419 | I MEAN, YOU HAD A SKETCH. |
| 420 | OH, YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 421 | WHAT DID YOU MEAN WHEN YOU SAID PIVOT? |
| 422 | HEY. |
| 423 | HEY. |
| 424 | HOW'S IT GOING? |
| 425 | DID YOU MAKE ANY NEW FRIENDS? |
| 426 | YEAH. YEAH, I MET THIS WOMAN. |
| 427 | OKAY, WHOA, WHOA. |
| 428 | WHAT'S SHE LIKE? |
| 429 | UH, WELL... |
| 430 | SHE'S REALLY GOOD IN BED. |
| 431 | JOEY, I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO TRY |
| 432 | TO BE FRIENDS FIRST. |
| 433 | WELL, HEY, IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT. |
| 434 | WHAT? WHY? |
| 435 | BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T GIVE ME ADVICE. |
| 436 | NO, YOU GAVE ME A PICKUP LINE. |
| 437 | AS SOON AS I TOLD HER I WANTED TO BUILD A FOUNDATION |
| 438 | AND BE FRIENDS FIRST |
| 439 | I SUDDENLY-- THROUGH NO FAULT OF MY OWN-- |
| 440 | BECAME IRRESISTIBLE TO HER. |
| 441 | AND HER ROOMMATE. |
| 442 | WHAT ABOUT THE CLOSENESS? |
| 443 | CLOSENESS, SCHMOSENESS. |
| 444 | THERE WAS THREE OF US, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD. |
| 445 | ALL RIGHT, HEY, WHO WANTS PIZZA? |
| 446 | I DO. I DO. I DO. |
| 447 | OH, THIS IS GREAT. |
| 448 | CAN YOU BELIEVE I FOUND THIS ON THE SECOND FLOOR? |
| 449 | ( knocking on door ) |
| 450 | WHO IS IT? |
| 451 | Man: N.Y.P.D. |
| 452 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 453 | UH... JUST A MINUTE, OFFICER! |
| 454 | I'M LOOKING FOR PHOEBE BUFFAY. |
| 455 | OH, MY GOD, IT'S HIM. |
| 456 | IT'S THAT COP. |
| 457 | GOD, I CAN'T BELIEVE IT. HE FOUND ME. |
| 458 | MY GOD, PHOEBE. |
| 459 | ARE YOU GOING TO GO TO JAIL? |
| 460 | WELL, IF I'M GOING DOWN, YOU GUYS ARE GOING DOWN WITH ME. |
| 461 | WHAT? |
| 462 | HARBORING A FUGITIVE? |
| 463 | THAT'S ONE-TO-THREE YEARS MINIMUM. |
| 464 | GOOD LUCK, CHANDLER. |
| 465 | OKAY, YOU CAN ARREST ME, FINE, BUT YOU'LL |
| 466 | NEVER MAKE IT STICK, AND YOU KNOW IT. |
| 467 | YEAH, BUT I KIND OF DON'T HAVE A CHOICE. |
| 468 | IT'S MY JOB. I MEAN, YOU UNDERSTAND, RIGHT? |
| 469 | YEAH, AS LONG AS YOU UNDERSTAND THAT I'M GOING TO CALL MY LAWYER |
| 470 | AND ONCE HE PUTS YOU ON THE STAND |
| 471 | HE'S GOING TO MAKE YOU LOOK LIKE A FOOL, LIKE A FOOL. |
| 472 | MM-HMM. I DON'T LIKE LOOKING FOOLISH. |
| 473 | YOU KNOW WHAT? MAYBE, UH, I DON'T ARREST YOU TODAY. |
| 474 | MAYBE I CAME BY AND YOU WEREN'T HERE. |
| 475 | I WOULD LOVE IT IF I WEREN'T HERE. |
| 476 | OKAY, SINCE, UM, YOU'RE NOT GOING TO JAIL TONIGHT |
| 477 | I WAS WONDERING IF YOU WOULD LIKE |
| 478 | TO GO TO DINNER WITH ME. |
| 479 | ME? |
| 480 | YEAH. |
| 481 | EVER SINCE YOU FLASHED MY BADGE AT ME |
| 482 | I KIND OF CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT YOU. |
| 483 | YOU'RE THE PRETTIEST FAKE UNDERCOVER WHORE I'VE EVER SEEN. |
| 484 | NICE. NICE. |
| 485 | WOW, I DIDN'T SEE THAT COMING. |
| 486 | YOU'RE ASKING ME OUT. |
| 487 | YEAH, AND I COULD HAVE DONE IT BETTER |
| 488 | BUT THESE PEOPLE KEEP STARING AT ME. |
| 489 | UM... YEAH. |
| 490 | I-I'D LIKE TO GO OUT WITH YOU, OFFICER. |
| 491 | GARY. |
| 492 | GARY. |
| 493 | OKAY, SO IT'S A DATE? |
| 494 | YEAH. I GOT TO ASK. |
| 495 | HOW DID YOU KNOW WHERE TO FIND ME? |
| 496 | YOUR FINGERPRINTS WERE ALL OVER MY BADGE |
| 497 | SO I RAN THEM THROUGH THE COMPUTER |
| 498 | AND THIS IS LISTED AS YOUR LAST KNOWN ADDRESS |
| 499 | SO I CHECKED IT OUT. |
| 500 | OH, IMPRESSIVE. |
| 501 | NOT AS IMPRESSIVE AS YOU. |
| 502 | I LOOKED AT YOUR RECORD |
| 503 | AND YOU'VE DONE SOME PRETTY WEIRD STUFF. |
| 504 | YEAH, WE'LL TALK AT DINNER. |
| 505 | OKAY. SO I'LL COME BY IN A COUPLE HOURS |
| 506 | AND PICK YOU UP? |
| 507 | ALL RIGHT. I CAN'T WAIT. |
| 508 | I'M NOT GOING TO JUST TAKE YOU OUT FOR DOUGHNUTS. |
| 509 | ( laughing ) |
| 510 | HE HAS A GUN. |
| 511 | I'D LIKE TO RETURN THIS COUCH. I'M NOT SATISFIED WITH IT. |
| 512 | YOU WANT TO RETURN THIS COUCH? |
| 513 | IT'S CUT IN HALF. |
| 514 | THAT'S WHAT I'M TELLING YOU. |
| 515 | DID YOU CUT THIS COUCH IN HALF? |
| 516 | THIS COUCH IS CUT IN HALF. |
| 517 | I WOULD LIKE TO EXCHANGE IT FOR ONE THAT IS NOT CUT IN HALF. |
| 518 | YOU'RE TELLING ME THIS COUCH |
| 519 | WAS DELIVERED TO YOU LIKE THIS? |
| 520 | LOOK, I'M A REASONABLE MAN. |
| 521 | I WILL ACCEPT STORE CREDIT. |
| 522 | I'LL GIVE YOU STORE CREDIT |
| 523 | IN THE AMOUNT OF FOUR DOLLARS. |
| 524 | I WILL TAKE IT. |
| 525 | |
| 1 | GOOD, YOU GUYS ARE ALL HERE. |
| 2 | HEY, WHAT'S UP? |
| 3 | WELL, I HAVE A JOB INTERVIEW AT RALPH LAUREN TOMORROW. |
| 4 | Ross: OH... |
| 5 | CONGRATULATIONS. |
| 6 | OH, BOY, THAT GUY'S UNDERWEAR SUCKS. |
| 7 | WHAT? |
| 8 | OH, I GOT THIS PAIR MARKED "XS." |
| 9 | LET ME TELL YOU, THERE WAS NO ROOM FOR "XS" ANYTHING IN THERE. |
| 10 | Rachel: ANYWAY |
| 11 | I'LL BE THE COORDINATOR OF THE WOMEN'S COLLECTION. |
| 12 | I'LL WORK RIGHT UNDER THE DIRECTOR. |
| 13 | IT'S THE PERFECT |
| 14 | PERFECT JOB FOR ME. |
| 15 | WELL, IF YOU NAIL THE INTERVIEW, YOU'LL GET IT. |
| 16 | YOU WANT TO WORK ON YOUR INTERVIEW SKILLS? |
| 17 | OKAY. OKAY. |
| 18 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 19 | HI. HI. |
| 20 | VERY GOOD HANDSHAKE. |
| 21 | GOOD WRIST ACTION. |
| 22 | LET ME TRY. |
| 23 | OKAY. |
| 24 | OH, MY GOD! WHAT DID I EVER DO TO YOU? |
| 25 | DID I SQUEEZE IT TOO HARD? |
| 26 | LET'S JUST SAY I'M GLAD I'M NOT CHANDLER. |
| 27 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 28 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 29 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 30 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 31 | ♪ WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY, YOUR WEEK ♪ |
| 32 | ♪ YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 33 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 34 | ♪ WHEN THE RAIN STARTS TO POUR ♪ |
| 35 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 36 | ♪ LIKE I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE ♪ |
| 37 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 38 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME, TOO. ♪ |
| 39 | THAT'S RIGHT, ROSS-- I CAN SEE YOU IN YOUR NEW APARTMENT |
| 40 | AND YOU CAN SEE ME-- SAME AS YESTERDAY. |
| 41 | SAME AS THE DAY BEFORE. |
| 42 | IS HE DOING HIS "SHARK ATTACK" BIT YET? |
| 43 | NOPE. WAIT. |
| 44 | THERE HE GOES. |
| 45 | VERY FUNNY, ROSS. |
| 46 | VERY LIFELIKE AND FUNNY. OKAY. |
| 47 | OH, NO, NO, NO. |
| 48 | I WASN'T WAVING AT YOU, LADY. |
| 49 | WHOA, MAYBE I WAS. |
| 50 | HEY, MONICA, THIS TOTALLY HOT GIRL IN ROSS' BUILDING |
| 51 | IS FLIRTING WITH ME. |
| 52 | GET IN THERE, MAN. |
| 53 | FLIRT BACK. MIX IT UP. |
| 54 | YEAH, I'M DOWN WITH THAT. |
| 55 | OKAY, HERE GOES. |
| 56 | HOW... YOU... |
| 57 | A-DOING?! |
| 58 | IT WORKED. |
| 59 | SHE'S WAVING ME OVER. |
| 60 | OKAY, I'LL BE RIGHT OVER. |
| 61 | LET'S SEE. |
| 62 | SHE'S ON THE THIRD FLOOR. |
| 63 | WOW, SHE IS PRETTY, HUH? |
| 64 | TELL ME ABOUT IT, HUH? |
| 65 | NO, NO, NO. |
| 66 | NO, NO, I'M NOT WITH HER. |
| 67 | NO, THAT'S JUST MONICA. |
| 68 | BLEAH! UH-UH. |
| 69 | HEY, JOEY. |
| 70 | GREAT STUFF, HUH? |
| 71 | THIS YOUR PLACE? |
| 72 | YEAH, OF COURSE, IT IS. COME ON IN. |
| 73 | WOO, WOO |
| 74 | GO BY THE WINDOW. |
| 75 | YOU CAN PRETEND TO BE SURFING. |
| 76 | BUT I COUNTED. |
| 77 | YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO LIVE HERE. |
| 78 | OH, MAN. |
| 79 | ( grunts ) |
| 80 | WHAT HAPPENED? |
| 81 | I ENDED UP AT ROSS' PLACE. |
| 82 | I MUST HAVE MISCOUNTED OR SOMETHING. |
| 83 | DAMN! SHE'S NOT THERE ANYMORE. |
| 84 | LOOK, ROSS IS DOING HIS "WATCHING TV" BIT. |
| 85 | NO, JOEY, I THINK HE'S JUST WATCHING TV. |
| 86 | Man: We've lost visual contact with the suspect. |
| 87 | OKAY, NOW I REALLY HAVE TO GO. |
| 88 | IT'S SO UNFAIR THAT OUR DATE |
| 89 | HAS TO GET CUT SHORT JUST 'CAUSE SOME GUY |
| 90 | SHOT AT A STORE CLERK. |
| 91 | I KNOW, BUT IT'S MY JOB, SWEETHEART. |
| 92 | OKAY, BUT MAYBE I COULD COME, TOO. |
| 93 | Suspect has just emerged naked from the sewer. |
| 94 | ALL RIGHT, YOU GO. |
| 95 | OKAY, BYE. |
| 96 | OH, GOD. |
| 97 | WHAT? |
| 98 | OH, I JUST MISS HIM SO MUCH. |
| 99 | WOW, FOR JUST A WEEK |
| 100 | YOU GUYS ARE REALLY CLOSE, HUH? |
| 101 | YEAH, IT'S WEIRD. |
| 102 | I CAN'T HELP IT, THOUGH. |
| 103 | HE'S SO SWEET. |
| 104 | HE'S LIKE THIS LITTLE PUPPY DOG, YOU KNOW? |
| 105 | BUT LIKE A REALLY TOUGH ONE WHO SHOOTS BAD GUYS. |
| 106 | I JUST LOVE THE BEGINNING PARTS |
| 107 | OF RELATIONSHIPS, YOU KNOW? |
| 108 | YOU JUST CAN'T KEEP YOUR HANDS OFF EACH OTHER. |
| 109 | I KNOW. IT IS THE BEST. |
| 110 | OH, GOD. |
| 111 | SO HOW LONG DID THAT LAST FOR YOU AND CHANDLER? |
| 112 | WHAT? IT'S STILL GOING ON. |
| 113 | COME ON. |
| 114 | SERIOUSLY, WHEN DID IT END? |
| 115 | I AM SERIOUS. |
| 116 | I MEAN, WE'RE ALL OVER EACH OTHER ALL THE TIME. |
| 117 | WELL, YOU KNOW WHERE YOU ARE |
| 118 | BETTER THAN I DO. |
| 119 | I WAS JUST CURIOUS. |
| 120 | WHY DON'T YOU JUST CALM DOWN, PHOEBE, ALL RIGHT?! |
| 121 | WHY DON'T YOU JUST GET |
| 122 | ALL YOUR FACTS |
| 123 | BEFORE YOU RUN AROUND TELLING EVERYBODY |
| 124 | YOU'RE THE ONLY HOT COUPLE? |
| 125 | GOD, I AWOKE THE BEAST. |
| 126 | I WAS WRONG |
| 127 | OBVIOUSLY. |
| 128 | I JUST, I MISSPOKE. |
| 129 | IT'S OKAY. |
| 130 | WELL, IT IS OKAY. |
| 131 | I MEAN, AS LONG AS YOU KNOW THAT |
| 132 | CHANDLER AND I ARE ALSO VERY HOT AND FIERY. |
| 133 | I MEAN, JUST AS HOT AS YOU. |
| 134 | I MEAN, OUR FLAME... |
| 135 | WHOO! |
| 136 | IT IS ON FIRE! |
| 137 | HEY, MONICA, HERE'S YOUR BROOM BACK. |
| 138 | MMM. |
| 139 | YOU ARE SO CUTE. |
| 140 | OH, HEY. |
| 141 | HOW'D THE INTERVIEW GO? |
| 142 | OH, HORRIBLE. |
| 143 | I DID THE STUPIDEST, MOST EMBARRASSING THING. |
| 144 | DID YOU TELL THE GUY |
| 145 | YOU WANTED TO HAVE SEX WITH HIS WIFE |
| 146 | AND THEN FALL |
| 147 | RIGHT OUT OF YOUR CHAIR? |
| 148 | NO. |
| 149 | SO WHAT HAPPENED? |
| 150 | OH, IT WAS HORRIBLE. |
| 151 | AND THE INTERVIEW PART WENT SO WELL. |
| 152 | I EVEN MADE HIM LAUGH. |
| 153 | HE SAID SOMETHING ABOUT A BOAT |
| 154 | AND I WAS, LIKE, WELL |
| 155 | "YEAH, IF YOU'VE GOT ENOUGH LIFE JACKETS." |
| 156 | OH. TRUST ME. IT-IT WAS ACTUALLY... |
| 157 | IT WAS VERY FUNNY. ANYWAY, SO |
| 158 | WE WERE SAYING GOOD-BYE |
| 159 | AND, UH, OH... |
| 160 | WHAT HAPPENED? |
| 161 | ALL RIGHT, WELL, WE WERE SHAKING HANDS |
| 162 | AND HE KIND OF LEANED IN TOWARD ME... |
| 163 | YOU KNOW, MAYBE HE WAS GOING TO OPEN THE DOOR |
| 164 | BUT I TOTALLY MISREAD HIM |
| 165 | AND, I, UH... |
| 166 | YOU KNOW? |
| 167 | YOU KISSED HIM? |
| 168 | I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO. |
| 169 | WELL, YOU COULD'VE TRIED... |
| 170 | NOT KISSING HIM. |
| 171 | THANKS, CHANDLER. |
| 172 | HEY, RACH, A GUY FROM RALPH LAUREN CALLED. |
| 173 | YOU GOT A SECOND INTERVIEW. |
| 174 | I CAN'T BELIEVE IT. |
| 175 | I GOT A SECOND INTERVIEW. YES. |
| 176 | I BET THAT KISS ISN'T LOOKING |
| 177 | LIKE SUCH A MISTAKE NOW, IS IT? |
| 178 | WAIT. YOU DON'T THINK |
| 179 | THAT'S WHY HE WANTS ME BACK? |
| 180 | YEAH. |
| 181 | NO? |
| 182 | KISS? WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? |
| 183 | OH, WELL, I-I ACCIDENTALLY KISSED HIM IN THE INTERVIEW |
| 184 | AND NOW HE WANTS ME BACK. |
| 185 | YOU KNOW, OF COURSE, BECAUSE |
| 186 | "LET'S BRING BACK THE GIRL WHO KISSES EVERYBODY." |
| 187 | COME ON, RACH. |
| 188 | OH, MY GOD, WHAT IF HE THINKS I'M THE KIND OF GIRL |
| 189 | THAT WILL JUST SLEEP WITH HIM? |
| 190 | HE PROBABLY WANTS YOU BACK |
| 191 | BECAUSE YOU'RE RIGHT FOR THE JOB. |
| 192 | MAYBE. I-I... I DON'T KNOW. |
| 193 | OH, GOD! HOW COULD I BE SO STUPID?! |
| 194 | OH, RACHEL, LOOK, DON'T SAY THAT. |
| 195 | I-I THINK YOU JUST NEED A HUG FROM JOEY. |
| 196 | COME ON. |
| 197 | COME ON. |
| 198 | SHE'S BACK! |
| 199 | HOT GIRL'S BACK! |
| 200 | AH, WELL, I'M NOT TOTALLY BACK YET |
| 201 | BUT I REALLY APPRECIATE YOUR... |
| 202 | NO, IN ROSS' BUILDING, SHE'S BACK! |
| 203 | SHE'S BACK! |
| 204 | OKAY. WAIT THERE. I'LL BE OVER IN A SECOND. |
| 205 | ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR. |
| 206 | GOT IT! |
| 207 | I GOT TO CHECK OUT THIS HOT GIRL. |
| 208 | THERE SHE IS. |
| 209 | DAMN IT! |
| 210 | DID YOU MOVE?! |
| 211 | YES. |
| 212 | I LIVED WITH YOU GUYS FOR A WHILE |
| 213 | AND THEN I FOUND THIS PLACE. |
| 214 | I'M ROSS. |
| 215 | ( door closes ) |
| 216 | YES? |
| 217 | UH... |
| 218 | DO YOU HAPPEN TO HAVE A HOT GIRL IN THERE? |
| 219 | NOPE. |
| 220 | I'M ALL ALONE. |
| 221 | YEAH. SORRY ABOUT THAT. |
| 222 | OH. HEY, LITTLE GIRL. |
| 223 | UH, IS YOUR MOMMY OR SISTER OR BABY-SITTER |
| 224 | BY ANY CHANCE A HOT GIRL? |
| 225 | DADDY! |
| 226 | LATER, GIRL. |
| 227 | OH, MAN. |
| 228 | HOT GIRL?! |
| 229 | HOT GIRL?! |
| 230 | HI, RACHEL. HI. |
| 231 | COME ON IN. |
| 232 | OKAY. |
| 233 | IT'S REALLY NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN. |
| 234 | THANK YOU. |
| 235 | OH, RACHEL |
| 236 | UH... |
| 237 | WHAT? |
| 238 | JUST, UH... |
| 239 | EXCUSE ME? |
| 240 | YEAH, LET ME... |
| 241 | WAIT! WAIT! |
| 242 | ALL RIGHT. I SEE WHAT'S GOING ON HERE. |
| 243 | LOOK, I AM SORRY |
| 244 | IF I HAVE GIVEN YOU THE WRONG IMPRESSION |
| 245 | BUT I AM NOT SOME HUSSY |
| 246 | WHO WILL JUST SLEEP AROUND TO GET AHEAD. |
| 247 | WELL... |
| 248 | EVEN THOUGH I KISSED YOU |
| 249 | THAT DOES NOT GIVE YOU |
| 250 | THE RIGHT TO DEMAND SEX FROM ME. |
| 251 | I DO NOT WANT THIS JOB THAT BAD. |
| 252 | GOOD DAY, SIR. |
| 253 | OH! |
| 254 | YOU ARE NOT GOING TO BELIEVE |
| 255 | WHAT THAT SLEAZEBALL FROM RALPH LAUREN DID TO ME. |
| 256 | ( all mumbling ) |
| 257 | OKAY. OKAY, THAT'S AMAZING. |
| 258 | HOW DID YOU KNOW THAT? |
| 259 | YOU GOT INK ON YOUR LIP. |
| 260 | OH. |
| 261 | OH... |
| 262 | WHAT DO YOU SAY |
| 263 | MAYBE SOME TIME, I HOLD YOUR GUN? |
| 264 | I DON'T KNOW. |
| 265 | WE'RE REALLY NOT SUPPOSED TO DO THAT. |
| 266 | WHAT COULD HAPPEN? |
| 267 | I MEAN... |
| 268 | YEAH. I'M GOING TO SAY NO. |
| 269 | PHOEBE, DO YOU WANT TO GO SEE A MOVIE |
| 270 | AFTER DINNER TONIGHT? |
| 271 | OH, WE CAN'T. WE ALREADY HAVE PLANS. |
| 272 | WHAT ARE YOU DOING? |
| 273 | UM, WELL, SAME THING WE DID ALL DAY. |
| 274 | JUST HANG OUT AT GARY'S APARTMENT. |
| 275 | HE IS SO AMAZING. |
| 276 | WE NEVER LEFT THE BEDROOM. |
| 277 | BUT HAVE FUN AT THE MOVIE. |
| 278 | OH, WELL, WE'RE NOT SEEING A MOVIE. |
| 279 | YOU'RE NOT? |
| 280 | THEN WHY DID YOU ASK US IF WE WANTED TO GO? |
| 281 | OH, UM, THAT'S BECAUSE I JUST, YOU KNOW... |
| 282 | WANTED TO KNOW WHAT YOU GUYS WERE DOING |
| 283 | SO, YOU KNOW |
| 284 | YOU WOULDN'T WALK IN ON ME AND CHANDLER |
| 285 | WHILE WE WERE... YOU KNOW, DOING IT ALL NIGHT. |
| 286 | WILL YOU EXCUSE ME FOR JUST A SECOND? |
| 287 | OKAY. |
| 288 | ( clears throat ) |
| 289 | CHANDLER, CAN I SEE YOU FOR A SECOND? |
| 290 | UH, YEAH. OKAY. |
| 291 | WE HAVE GOT TO BEAT THEM. |
| 292 | WHAT? |
| 293 | BECAUSE... GARY AND PHOEBE |
| 294 | THINK THEY'RE A HOTTER COUPLE THAN WE ARE. |
| 295 | OH. SO? |
| 296 | "SO"? |
| 297 | SO WE'VE GOT TO GO UPSTAIRS |
| 298 | AND HAVE A LOT OF SEX AND PROVE THEM WRONG. |
| 299 | YOU HAVE GOT TO STOP THIS COMPETITIVE THING. |
| 300 | OKAY? IT'S CRAZY. |
| 301 | JUST TO IMPRESS GARY AND PHOEBE |
| 302 | YOU WANT ME TO GO UPSTAIRS |
| 303 | AND HAVE SEX WITH YOU OVER AND OVER AND OVER... |
| 304 | AND I'M SAYING NO TO THIS WHY? |
| 305 | GET YOUR COAT! |
| 306 | HI. |
| 307 | HI. |
| 308 | EXCUSE ME. |
| 309 | YOU SHOULD CHECK THIS OUT. |
| 310 | TELL THE OTHER TENANTS. |
| 311 | APPARENTLY, HE'S RUNNING AROUND |
| 312 | LOOKING FOR SOME KIND OF HOT GIRL. |
| 313 | HUH! |
| 314 | WHO ISN'T? |
| 315 | I DON'T THINK WE'VE MET. |
| 316 | I'M... I'M ROSS. |
| 317 | I KNOW. |
| 318 | YOU'RE THE GUY WHO WOULDN'T CHIP IN |
| 319 | FOR THE HANDYMAN. |
| 320 | NEVER MIND. |
| 321 | NO, I ACTUALLY THOUGHT IT WAS REALLY UNFAIR |
| 322 | THE WAY EVERYONE REACTED. |
| 323 | I MEAN, YOU HAD JUST MOVED IN. |
| 324 | I HAD JUST MOVED IN. |
| 325 | THANK YOU. |
| 326 | LISTEN, UM... |
| 327 | JEN. |
| 328 | JEN, I KNOW THIS MAY SOUND A LITTLE... |
| 329 | ( awkward stammer ) |
| 330 | BUT, UH... WOULD YOU MAYBE |
| 331 | WANT TO GRAB A CUP OF COFFEE SOMETIME, OR...? |
| 332 | SURE. |
| 333 | THAT WOULD BE NICE. |
| 334 | UM... OH. |
| 335 | MY NUMBER'S ON THERE. |
| 336 | GIVE ME A CALL. |
| 337 | I WILL GIVE YOU A CALL. |
| 338 | I'LL SEE YOU LATER. |
| 339 | OKAY. |
| 340 | FORGOT MY PAPER. |
| 341 | THAT WAS AMAZING. |
| 342 | OH, PHOEBE AND GARY ARE SO GOING |
| 343 | TO HEAR ABOUT THIS AT DINNER. |
| 344 | THAT WAS AMAZING. |
| 345 | WE ARE THE HOTTEST. |
| 346 | NO ONE IS HOTTER THAN WE ARE. |
| 347 | WE'RE THE BEST. |
| 348 | NO, YOU'RE THE BEST. |
| 349 | NO, YOU'RE THE BEST. |
| 350 | NO, YOU'RE THE BEST. |
| 351 | I AM THE BEST. |
| 352 | HEY, GUYS. |
| 353 | WHAT YOU BEEN DOING? |
| 354 | HEY, JOEY, ISN'T THAT THE GIRL |
| 355 | WHO WAVED AT YOU THE OTHER DAY? |
| 356 | I DON'T KNOW, BUT I CAN SEE |
| 357 | THROUGH YOUR SHEET. |
| 358 | YEAH. YEAH, THAT'S HER. |
| 359 | BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? IT DOESN'T MATTER. |
| 360 | I'LL NEVER GET TO MEET HER ANYWAY |
| 361 | BECAUSE IT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO FIND HER APARTMENT. |
| 362 | SHE LIVES IN, LIKE, SOME HOT-GIRL PARALLEL UNIVERSE |
| 363 | OR SOMETHING. |
| 364 | WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? |
| 365 | SHE OBVIOUSLY LIVES ON THE SECOND FLOOR |
| 366 | SEVENTH APARTMENT FROM THE LEFT. |
| 367 | NO, NO, NO. |
| 368 | SHE LIVES ON THE THIRD FLOOR |
| 369 | EIGHTH APARTMENT FROM THE LEFT. |
| 370 | NO. THOSE FIRST TWO WINDOWS-- THAT'S THE LOBBY. |
| 371 | AND THAT OTHER WINDOW OVER THERE-- THAT'S THE STAIRWAY. |
| 372 | YOU'VE BEEN COUNTING WRONG. |
| 373 | I DID NOT KNOW THAT. |
| 374 | THANK YOU, MONICA. |
| 375 | I CAN'T BELIEVE I ALMOST LOST ANOTHER GIRL |
| 376 | BECAUSE OF COUNTING. |
| 377 | SO, ARE YOU READY? |
| 378 | YEAH. I'LL JUST GET MY COAT. |
| 379 | OKAY. |
| 380 | ( knocking on door ) |
| 381 | COULD YOU GET THAT? |
| 382 | SURE. |
| 383 | ( screaming ) |
| 384 | NO! NO! |
| 385 | PLEASE, SIT. |
| 386 | FIRST, I WOULD LIKE TO SAY |
| 387 | THANK YOU FOR AGREEING TO SEE ME AGAIN. |
| 388 | THAT'S, UH, QUITE ALL RIGHT. |
| 389 | BUT I FEEL OBLIGATED TO TELL YOU |
| 390 | THAT THIS MEETING IS BEING VIDEOTAPED. |
| 391 | OKAY, UM... |
| 392 | WELL, FIRST, I WOULD LIKE TO START |
| 393 | BY APOLOGIZING FOR KISSING YOU AND, UH, FOR YELLING AT YOU. |
| 394 | FAIR ENOUGH. |
| 395 | NOW, YOU'RE PROBABLY GOING TO HIRE |
| 396 | ONE OF THE PEOPLE WHO, UH... |
| 397 | WHO DID NOT, UM... |
| 398 | YELL AT YOU AND STORM OUT. |
| 399 | MM-HMM. |
| 400 | AND I THINK THAT'S A BIG MISTAKE AND HERE'S WHY. |
| 401 | I MADE A HUGE FOOL OF MYSELF AND I CAME BACK. |
| 402 | THAT SHOWS COURAGE. |
| 403 | WHEN I THOUGHT YOU WANTED SEX |
| 404 | IN EXCHANGE FOR THIS JOB, I SAID NO. |
| 405 | THAT SHOWS INTEGRITY. |
| 406 | AND I WAS NOT AFRAID |
| 407 | TO STAND UP FOR MYSELF |
| 408 | AND THAT SHOWS COURAGE. |
| 409 | OKAY, NOW, I KNOW THAT I'VE ALREADY SAID COURAGE |
| 410 | BUT, YOU KNOW, YOU GOT TO HAVE COURAGE. |
| 411 | AND, UM... |
| 412 | AND FINALLY, WHEN I THOUGHT |
| 413 | YOU WERE MAKING SEXUAL ADVANCES IN THE WORKPLACE |
| 414 | I SAID NO AND I WAS NOT LITIGIOUS. |
| 415 | SO THERE YOU GO. |
| 416 | YOU GOT... YOU GOT COURAGE |
| 417 | YOU GOT INTEGRITY, YOU GOT COURAGE AGAIN |
| 418 | AND NOT LITIGIOUS. |
| 419 | LOOK, MISTER... |
| 420 | ZELNER. |
| 421 | ZELNER. I KNEW THAT. |
| 422 | OH, I KNEW THAT. |
| 423 | UH... |
| 424 | I REALLY, REALLY WANT THIS JOB. |
| 425 | AND I THINK... |
| 426 | I THINK I WOULD BE REALLY GOOD AT IT. |
| 427 | YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 428 | YEAH? |
| 429 | I MAY REGRET THIS, BUT, UH... |
| 430 | I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU A SHOT. |
| 431 | OH, YOU ARE? |
| 432 | MM-HMM. |
| 433 | REALLY? YEAH. |
| 434 | OH, THANK YOU. |
| 435 | OH, GOD... |
| 436 | OH, WOULD IT BE COMPLETELY INAPPROPRIATE |
| 437 | IF I GAVE YOU A HUG? |
| 438 | YES. OKAY. |
| 439 | WELL, THEN, HOW ABOUT A HANDSHAKE? |
| 440 | AH, OH, GOD, I'M SORRY. |
| 441 | I, UH... |
| 442 | OH, GOD, I'M SORRY. |
| 443 | I DID NOT MEAN TO TOUCH THAT-- |
| 444 | I MEAN YOU. |
| 445 | THERE. THERE, UM... |
| 446 | OKAY, SO, THANK YOU. |
| 447 | I'M GOING TO LEAVE. |
| 448 | THANK YOU VERY MUCH. |
| 449 | THANK YOU SO... |
| 450 | HEY, I'LL SEE YOU MONDAY. |
| 451 | OKAY. |
| 452 | ARE YOU TIRED, CHANDLER? |
| 453 | YOU BETTER BELIEVE HE'S TIRED |
| 454 | AFTER THE DAY WE HAD |
| 455 | IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. |
| 456 | YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? |
| 457 | HONEY, THE TORTILLA CHIPS KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN. |
| 458 | SO, CHANDLER, DO YOU LIKE THAT BADGE I GOT YOU? |
| 459 | OH, YEAH, IT'S SO COOL. |
| 460 | NOW I GOT TO GO. |
| 461 | OFFICER BING'S GOT A 10-100. |
| 462 | THAT'S PEE-PEE. |
| 463 | PHOEBE, YOU... YOU HAVE A... |
| 464 | A TWIG IN YOUR HAIR. |
| 465 | OH... UM, WE KIND OF TOOK A LITTLE DETOUR |
| 466 | ON OUR WAY OVER HERE. |
| 467 | YEAH, WE WERE TAKING A LITTLE STROLL THROUGH THE PARK |
| 468 | AND NO ONE WAS AROUND, SO... |
| 469 | YOU DIDN'T. |
| 470 | WE DID. |
| 471 | WE VIOLATED SECTION 12 |
| 472 | PARAGRAPH SEVEN OF THE CRIMINAL CODE. |
| 473 | THE PARK, HUH? |
| 474 | PUBLIC PLACE. |
| 475 | MM-HMM. |
| 476 | I HEAR YOU. |
| 477 | CAN YOU EXCUSE ME FOR A SECOND? |
| 478 | OH... |
| 479 | HI, CHANDLER. |
| 480 | MONICA, THIS IS THE MEN'S ROOM. |
| 481 | ISN'T IT? |
| 482 | YES, IT IS. |
| 483 | BUT, SEE, I'VE ALWAYS FOUND THE MEN'S BATHROOM VERY SEXUAL. |
| 484 | HAVEN'T YOU? |
| 485 | NO. |
| 486 | AND IF I DID, I DON'T THINK WE'D BE GOING OUT. |
| 487 | MONICA, THIS IS GETTING RIDICULOUS. |
| 488 | COME ON, WE CAN'T LET THEM WIN. |
| 489 | WE HAVE ALREADY PROVED THAT WE ARE HOT, OKAY? |
| 490 | SO WHY ARE YOU GETTING SO OBSESSED ABOUT THIS THING? |
| 491 | BECAUSE PHOEBE AND GARY ARE IN THAT... |
| 492 | CAN'T-KEEP-THEIR- HANDS-OFF-EACH-OTHER |
| 493 | DOING-IT-IN- THE-PARK PHASE. |
| 494 | OH! SO? |
| 495 | SO... IT'S REALLY SAD |
| 496 | THAT WE'RE NOT THERE ANYMORE. |
| 497 | OH, WOW, IS THAT WHAT THIS HAS ALL BEEN ABOUT? |
| 498 | WASN'T IT A LOT MORE EXCITING |
| 499 | WHEN WE WERE, YOU KNOW |
| 500 | ALL OVER EACH OTHER ALL THE TIME? |
| 501 | WELL, YEAH, THAT WAS GREAT. |
| 502 | THAT WAS REALLY... GREAT. |
| 503 | BUT TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH |
| 504 | I'M MORE EXCITED ABOUT WHERE WE ARE NOW. |
| 505 | REALLY? |
| 506 | YEAH. |
| 507 | I'VE NEVER BEEN IN A RELATIONSHIP |
| 508 | THAT'S LASTED THIS LONG BEFORE, YOU KNOW? |
| 509 | AND TO GET PAST THE BEGINNING |
| 510 | AND STILL WANT TO BE AROUND EACH OTHER ALL THE TIME-- |
| 511 | WELL, I THINK THAT'S PRETTY INCREDIBLE. |
| 512 | AND THE FACT THAT THIS IS ALL HAPPENING WITH YOU... |
| 513 | YEAH, I THINK THAT'S PRETTY EXCITING. |
| 514 | THAT'S SO SWEET. |
| 515 | I KNOW THAT I WAS ACTING A LITTLE CRAZY, BUT, UM... |
| 516 | I FEEL THE SAME WAY. |
| 517 | YEAH? |
| 518 | YOU KNOW WHAT I JUST REALIZED? |
| 519 | YOU JUST FREAKED OUT ABOUT OUR RELATIONSHIP. |
| 520 | I DID NOT. |
| 521 | YES, YOU DID; ADMIT IT. |
| 522 | YOU FREAKED OUT. |
| 523 | OKAY, I FREAKED OUT A LITTLE. |
| 524 | A LITTLE? YOU FREAKED OUT BIG TIME, OKAY? |
| 525 | AND I FIXED IT. |
| 526 | WE HAVE SWITCHED PLACES. |
| 527 | I AM THE RELATIONSHIP KING |
| 528 | AND YOU ARE THE CRAZY, IRRATIONAL SCREW-UP. |
| 529 | OOH-OOH! |
| 530 | AND NOW WE'RE BACK. |
| 531 | I CANNOT BELIEVE ROSS IS BUYING THIS. |
| 532 | THANK GOD. |
| 533 | I CAN'T WATCH HIM ANYMORE. |
| 534 | YOU GUYS READY FOR THE MOVIES? |
| 535 | YEAH. |
| 536 | THANK YOU FOR LOANING US PAMELA AND YASMINE. |
| 537 | MAN, THEY CANNOT GET ENOUGH. |
| 538 | [Captioned by The Caption Center WGBH Educational Foundation] |
| 539 | |
| 1 | OKAY, PICK A CARD. OKAY. |
| 2 | ALL RIGHT. NOW... MEMORIZE IT. |
| 3 | YOU GOT IT? OH, YES. |
| 4 | OKAY. IS THAT YOUR CARD? |
| 5 | YES. ( chuckling ): YEAH, IT IS. |
| 6 | HEY, GUYS. |
| 7 | HI, THERE! Ben: HI! |
| 8 | GUESS WHAT? |
| 9 | BEN IS GOING TO BE IN A TV COMMERCIAL. |
| 10 | WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? |
| 11 | WELL... IT'S NOT FOR SURE |
| 12 | BUT, UH, WE MET THIS GUY IN THE PARK |
| 13 | WHO THOUGHT BEN WAS REALLY CUTE, YOU KNOW... |
| 14 | WHICH HE IS. |
| 15 | UM, ANYWHO, HE, UH, HE GAVE US HIS CARD |
| 16 | AND TOLD US TO BRING HIM DOWN |
| 17 | FOR THIS COMMERCIAL HE'S AUDITIONING. |
| 18 | WHOA. THIS GUY'S, LIKE |
| 19 | THE BIGGEST COMMERCIAL-CASTING DIRECTOR IN TOWN! |
| 20 | BEN TAKES ONE LOUSY WALK IN THE PARK |
| 21 | AND GETS AN AUDITION?! |
| 22 | I MEAN, "WAY TO GO, BEN!" |
| 23 | MAN, I'VE BEEN IN THAT PARK A MILLION TIMES. |
| 24 | NO ONE'S EVER OFFERED ME AN AUDITION. |
| 25 | I KNOW. IT'S CRAZY-- WE WERE JUST PUSHING BEN ON THE SWINGS... |
| 26 | I'M ALWAYS ON THE SWINGS! |
| 27 | ( whining ): WHAT AM I DOING WRONG? |
| 28 | THAT. |
| 29 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 30 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 31 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 32 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 33 | ♪ WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY, YOUR WEEK ♪ |
| 34 | ♪ YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 35 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 36 | ♪ WHEN THE RAIN STARTS TO POUR ♪ |
| 37 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 38 | ♪ LIKE I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE ♪ |
| 39 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 40 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME, TOO. ♪ |
| 41 | OKAY, GOT TO GO. WISH ME LUCK. |
| 42 | HEY, RACH, NOW THAT YOU'RE WORKING AT RALPH LAUREN |
| 43 | CAN YOU BRING ME BACK SOME OF THOSE POLO SHIRTS? |
| 44 | UH, WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 45 | I DON'T KNOW IF I'D FEEL COMFORTABLE |
| 46 | STEALING ON MY VERY FIRST DAY. |
| 47 | UNWILLING TO STEAL FROM WORK... |
| 48 | INTERESTING. |
| 49 | BESIDES, IF ANYBODY'S GOING TO GET FREE STUFF |
| 50 | IT'S GOING TO BE ME. |
| 51 | OKAY, GUYS, WAY TO WISH ME LUCK. |
| 52 | GOOD LUCK. HAVE A GOOD DAY. |
| 53 | BYE. |
| 54 | OKAY, LET'S DISCUSS RACHEL'S BIRTHDAY. |
| 55 | I SAY WE THROW HER A SURPRISE PARTY THIS WEEKEND. |
| 56 | WHOA, BUT HER BIRTHDAY'S NOT FOR, LIKE, ANOTHER MONTH. |
| 57 | OKAY, BUT IF WE THROW HER A PARTY ON HER BIRTHDAY |
| 58 | THEN IT'S NOT A SURPRISE. |
| 59 | I THINK THAT'S A GREAT IDEA. WE CAN HAVE A DINNER PARTY |
| 60 | AND JUST INVITE HER CLOSE FRIENDS. |
| 61 | ROSS! WE'RE HAVING A SURPRISE PARTY FOR RACHEL! |
| 62 | Ross: OKAY! |
| 63 | DONE. |
| 64 | OKAY, GREAT, SO DO YOU WANT TO DO IT TOGETHER? |
| 65 | I WOULD LOVE TO DO IT TOGETHER. OOH! |
| 66 | ( fiendish laughter ) |
| 67 | THEY'RE GOING TO DO IT TOGETHER. |
| 68 | DUDE, THAT'S MY GIRLFRIEND. |
| 69 | OH, SO I GOT TO SHUT IT DOWN NOW? |
| 70 | ALL RIGHT. I GOT TO TAKE OFF. |
| 71 | I'M PICKING UP BEN AND THEN WE'RE OFF |
| 72 | TO THE BIG AUDITION. |
| 73 | I BET IT'S GOING TO BE WEIRD SEEING SOME ACTOR |
| 74 | PRETENDING TO BE BEN'S DAD. YEAH. |
| 75 | WEIRDER THAN SEEING HIS TWO MOMS MAKE OUT? |
| 76 | WHOA, WHOA, "DAD"? |
| 77 | THERE'S A DAD IN THE COMMERCIAL? |
| 78 | YEAH. THE DAD AND BEN EAT SOUP |
| 79 | AND PRETEND TO ENJOY IT. |
| 80 | MAYBE I'LL GO DOWN WITH YOU |
| 81 | AND SEE IF I CAN GET AN AUDITION AS THE DAD. |
| 82 | WHO BETTER THAN TO PLAY BEN'S FATHER THAN HIS GODFATHER? |
| 83 | YOU'RE NOT HIS GODFATHER. |
| 84 | WHAT?! |
| 85 | ARE YOU KIDDING?! |
| 86 | OF COURSE I AM. |
| 87 | ( sighing ) |
| 88 | OKAY, LET'S GO, GODFATHER. |
| 89 | ALL RIGHT! WHOA. |
| 90 | HEY! I'M IN. |
| 91 | THEY'RE GOING TO LET ME AUDITION. |
| 92 | REALLY? THAT'S GREAT. |
| 93 | IT TURNS OUT ONE OF THE CASTING LADIES |
| 94 | HAS ACTUALLY SEEN ME IN A PLAY |
| 95 | SO I STEERED CLEAR OF HER. |
| 96 | Carol: HEY, THAT KID LOOKS FAMILIAR. |
| 97 | OH, YEAH, YEAH. HE'S DONE TONS OF COMMERCIALS. |
| 98 | I'VE SEEN HIM IN, LIKE, SUGAR SMACKS, PLAYSTATION |
| 99 | AND THAT ONE FOR THE PHONE COMPANY. |
| 100 | IN FACT, HE WAS SO GOOD IN THAT ONE |
| 101 | HE ACTUALLY CONVINCED ME TO SWITCH PHONE COMPANIES. |
| 102 | ( chuckling ): CHANDLER WAS MAD... |
| 103 | YEAH, WELL, HE'S NOT GOING TO GET THIS ONE, ALL RIGHT? |
| 104 | BEN IS WAY CUTER THAN THAT KID. |
| 105 | I MEAN, LOOK AT HIM-- LOOK AT YOU! |
| 106 | ( speaking gibberish ) |
| 107 | ( sniffling ) |
| 108 | ( chuckling ): THAT'S... GREAT. |
| 109 | LISTEN, WOULDN'T IT BE GREAT, THOUGH |
| 110 | IF I GOT TO PLAY BEN'S DAD? |
| 111 | JOEY, YOU LOOK NOTHING LIKE BEN. |
| 112 | I LOOK MORE LIKE HIM THAN YOU DO. |
| 113 | YOU KNOW, I REALLY DON'T KNOW YOU WELL ENOUGH |
| 114 | FOR YOU TO DO THAT. |
| 115 | SO, IT'S DOWN TO THESE TWO. |
| 116 | NANCY, I KNOW YOU LIKE THIS ONE, AND I THINK I AGREE. |
| 117 | RACHEL, WHAT DO YOU THINK? |
| 118 | WELL, UM, I MEAN, THAT ONE IS PRETTY |
| 119 | BUT, OH, I JUST... I JUST LOVE THIS FABRIC. |
| 120 | SORRY. |
| 121 | OH, DON'T BE SORRY. |
| 122 | IT'S PART OF YOUR JOB TO GIVE YOUR OPINIONS |
| 123 | AND THEN I TAKE CREDIT FOR THEM. I'M KIDDING. |
| 124 | SHE IS KIDDING... |
| 125 | BUT DON'T EVER DISAGREE WITH HER AGAIN. |
| 126 | OKAY, NOW I'M KIDDING. |
| 127 | ( nervous laugh ): OH, WHAT A FUN OFFICE. |
| 128 | I DON'T KNOW WHICH ONE, BUT I DO KNOW I NEED A CIGARETTE |
| 129 | SO WHAT DO YOU SAY WE TAKE A BREAK, WE GO OUTSIDE |
| 130 | AND WE'LL FIGURE THIS THING OUT WHEN WE COME BACK? |
| 131 | RACHEL? |
| 132 | YEAH? |
| 133 | YOU SMOKE? |
| 134 | OH, NO. MY DAD'S A DOCTOR |
| 135 | AND HE WOULD ALWAYS TELL ME JUST HORROR STORIES... |
| 136 | ABOUT, UH, GHOSTS AND GOBLINS... |
| 137 | WHO... TOTALLY SUPPORTED THE PRINCESS'S RIGHT TO SMOKE. |
| 138 | AND THEN THEY CAME BACK FROM SMOKING |
| 139 | AND THEY HAD MADE ALL OF THE DECISIONS WITHOUT ME. |
| 140 | THAT DOESN'T SEEM FAIR. |
| 141 | I KNOW. IT'S LIKE I'M BEING PUNISHED |
| 142 | FOR NOT HAVING THIS DISGUSTING, POISONOUS HABIT. |
| 143 | YEAH, IT IS THE BEST. |
| 144 | I MEAN, WHAT IF THIS KEEPS HAPPENING, YOU KNOW? |
| 145 | THEY'LL-THEY'LL BE OUTSIDE SMOKING |
| 146 | MAKING ALL THE DECISIONS, AND I'LL JUST BE UP IN MY OFFICE |
| 147 | BREATHING IN MY STUPID CLEAN AIR, YOU KNOW? |
| 148 | AND THEN WHEN THE DAY COMES WHEN KIM WANTS TO PROMOTE ONE OF US |
| 149 | WHO DO YOU THINK SHE'S GOING TO PICK-- |
| 150 | ME OR SMOKEY SMOKERSON? |
| 151 | RACHEL, YOU CAN GO DOWN THERE. YOU DON'T HAVE TO SMOKE. |
| 152 | JUST SAY YOU WANT TO GET SOME... FRESH AIR. |
| 153 | YEAH, I COULD DO THAT. |
| 154 | YEAH, OR YOU COULD JUST DO THE EASY THING AND SMOKE. |
| 155 | ( knocking ) HEY. |
| 156 | RACH, DO YOU WANT TO GO GET COFFEE? |
| 157 | OH, I WOULD LOVE TO. |
| 158 | OH, GOOD! |
| 159 | I'LL GO TOO, BABE. |
| 160 | OH, GOOD. |
| 161 | YAY. YAY. YAH. |
| 162 | OH, I CHANGED MY MIND. |
| 163 | OKAY. |
| 164 | OKAY, LET'S TALK ABOUT THE PARTY. |
| 165 | I HAVE SO MANY IDEAS. |
| 166 | ME, TOO! |
| 167 | OH! |
| 168 | YEAH! OH, LOOK AT THAT. |
| 169 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 170 | HERE'S A LITTLE SKETCH OF THE CAKE. |
| 171 | UH-HUH. SEE? |
| 172 | UM, SOME SAMPLE MENUS, UM... |
| 173 | YOU KNOW, I THOUGHT WE'D START OUT |
| 174 | WITH TUSCAN-STYLE FINGER FOOD, OKAY? |
| 175 | AND FOR MUSIC, HERE'S AN ALPHABETIZED LIST OF ALL OF MY CDs. |
| 176 | I'VE HIGHLIGHTED THE ONES |
| 177 | THAT'LL GO REALLY GOOD WITH THE FOOD. |
| 178 | WHAT HAPPENED TO THE INTIMATE DINNER PARTY? |
| 179 | YOU KNOW, WE'RE NOT DOING THAT, OKAY? |
| 180 | WOW. ALL RIGHT. |
| 181 | LOOKS LIKE YOU TOOK CARE OF EVERYTHING. |
| 182 | THANKS A LOT, CO-HOST. |
| 183 | WAIT A MINUTE. |
| 184 | I DIDN'T TAKE CARE OF EVERYTHING. |
| 185 | THERE'S PLENTY OF THINGS FOR YOU TO DO. |
| 186 | UH-HUH. LIKE WHAT? |
| 187 | CUPS! |
| 188 | CUPS? YOU'RE GIVING ME CUPS? |
| 189 | AND ICE. |
| 190 | CUPS AND ICE? |
| 191 | OH, I GET TO BE IN CHARGE OF CUPS AND ICE? |
| 192 | ALL RIGHT, FINE. |
| 193 | OKAY, I WILL BE IN CHARGE OF CUPS AND ICE. |
| 194 | WAIT A MINUTE, I CAN GET ICE AT THE RESTAURANT. |
| 195 | I GOT IT! MINE! |
| 196 | Monica: HEY. HI. |
| 197 | HOW'D THE AUDITION GO? |
| 198 | NOT SO GOOD. |
| 199 | NOW, WAIT A MINUTE. |
| 200 | ARE YOU DOING JOEY'S... |
| 201 | "THE AUDITION DIDN'T GO SO WELL... |
| 202 | YEAH, IT DID!" |
| 203 | YEAH, I AM! |
| 204 | ( screaming ) |
| 205 | YEAH, BEN GOT A SECOND AUDITION! |
| 206 | GREAT! |
| 207 | YEAH, I HAD TO TEACH ROSS MY BIT |
| 208 | 'CAUSE I ACTUALLY DIDN'T GET A CALLBACK. |
| 209 | YOU GOT A CALLBACK, TOO, DIDN'T YOU? |
| 210 | YEAH, I DID! |
| 211 | HEY, RACHEL, WHAT ARE YOU DOING OUT HERE? |
| 212 | WELL, YOU KNOW, IT GOT KIND OF LONELY UP THERE |
| 213 | SO I JUST THOUGHT I WOULD COME OUT HERE AND... |
| 214 | GET SOME FRESH AIR. ( coughing ) |
| 215 | NANCY AND I WERE TALKING ABOUT THE FALL COLLECTION. |
| 216 | OH, GREAT. |
| 217 | SO, ANYWAY... ( coughing ) |
| 218 | HONEY, I'M SORRY. WE'RE SMOKING ALL OVER YOU. |
| 219 | OH, THAT'S OKAY. |
| 220 | WE'LL MOVE. YOU STAY RIGHT HERE. |
| 221 | Nancy: SO I WAS THINKING... |
| 222 | THANKS. |
| 223 | OH, THAT'S GREAT. |
| 224 | YOU ARE THE BEST. |
| 225 | EXCUSE ME, CAN I BUM ONE OF THOSE? |
| 226 | YEAH, YOU KNOW, ACTUALLY... |
| 227 | ( both laughing ) |
| 228 | OKAY, OKAY, WHAT'S SO FUNNY OVER HERE? |
| 229 | I THOUGHT YOU DIDN'T SMOKE. |
| 230 | OH, YOU KNOW, I-I THOUGHT |
| 231 | YOU GUYS MEANT MARIJUANA CIGARETTES, YOU KNOW? |
| 232 | YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? LIKE, DOOBIES? |
| 233 | ACTUALLY, I THOUGHT TO MYSELF, "WOW, THOSE GUYS ARE CRAZY!" |
| 234 | BUT, NO, ACTUALLY, I SMOKE THE REGULAR ONES |
| 235 | ALL... ALL THE TIME. |
| 236 | WE GET HIGH. |
| 237 | ( stammering ): ME, TOO. |
| 238 | I'M KIDDING. OH! |
| 239 | ( weakly ): ME, TOO. |
| 240 | OH, GOD, THIS IS SO NERVE-RACKING. |
| 241 | HOW-HOW DO YOU DO THIS? |
| 242 | WELL, FORTUNATELY, I DON'T GET MANY CALLBACKS, SO... |
| 243 | IS IT A GOOD SIGN THAT THEY ASKED US |
| 244 | TO HANG AROUND AFTER THE AUDITION? |
| 245 | WHO KNOWS? |
| 246 | OKAY, UH, WE HAVE NARROWED IT DOWN TO RAYMOND, BEN |
| 247 | KYLE AND JOEY. |
| 248 | THE REST OF YOU, THANK YOU VERY MUCH. |
| 249 | YES! I KNEW IT! |
| 250 | ( sighing ): BYE-BYE... |
| 251 | SO LONG... |
| 252 | LATER. |
| 253 | ROSS, THIS IS GREAT. |
| 254 | I MIGHT ACTUALLY GET TO PLAY BEN'S DAD. |
| 255 | YEAH! |
| 256 | ACTUALLY, THAT CAN'T HAPPEN. |
| 257 | BECAUSE YOU ALL HAVE SUCH DIFFERENT LOOKS |
| 258 | WE'RE PUTTING YOU WITH RAYMOND |
| 259 | AND KYLE WITH BEN. |
| 260 | SO IT'LL EITHER BE YOU TWO OR YOU TWO. |
| 261 | OH, MAN... |
| 262 | THIS IS GOING TO BE KIND OF WEIRD. |
| 263 | YEAH, IT IS.. |
| 264 | YEAH. IT'S GOING TO BE WEIRD. |
| 265 | NO, WE'RE-WE'RE, LIKE, BEST FRIENDS. |
| 266 | THAT'S-THAT'S WHY IT'S WEIRD. |
| 267 | OH, OH. |
| 268 | I-I THOUGHT WE WERE JUST... TALKING. |
| 269 | HEY. |
| 270 | IS IT OKAY IF I LEAVE THIS STUFF HERE |
| 271 | TILL RACHEL'S BIRTHDAY PARTY? |
| 272 | SURE. WHAT'S IN THEM? |
| 273 | UM, CUPS. |
| 274 | OH, GOOD, BECAUSE WE GOT RACHEL 800 GALLONS OF WATER. |
| 275 | SERIOUSLY, THAT'S A LOT OF CUPS. |
| 276 | YEAH, WELL, THAT'S 'CAUSE I'M IN CHARGE OF CUPS AND ICE |
| 277 | AND MONICA IS GOING TO RUE THE DAY |
| 278 | THAT SHE PUT ME IN CHARGE OF CUPS AND ICE. |
| 279 | YOU KNOW, I RUED THE DAY ONCE. |
| 280 | DIDN'T GET A WHOLE LOT ELSE DONE. |
| 281 | OKAY, TIME TO BRING UP THE REST OF THE CUPS. |
| 282 | OH, HEY, JOEY. |
| 283 | HEY, PHEEBS. |
| 284 | Ross: HEY. |
| 285 | ROSS, GOOD. I'M, UH, GLAD YOU'RE HERE. |
| 286 | I WANT TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT SOMETHING. |
| 287 | OH? WHAT'S UP? |
| 288 | WELL, I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT THIS WHOLE COMMERCIAL THING. |
| 289 | YOU KNOW, ME GOING UP AGAINST BEN |
| 290 | THE TWO OF US COMPETING, AND... |
| 291 | WELL, THAT CAN'T LEAD TO ANYTHING GOOD |
| 292 | SO... I THINK I'M JUST GOING TO STEP ASIDE. |
| 293 | I'M GOING TO TELL THEM THAT I WON'T AUDITION. |
| 294 | WOW, UH... JOEY, THAT'S... THAT'S GREAT. |
| 295 | THANKS, MAN. |
| 296 | THAT'S IT? |
| 297 | YOU-YOU'RE GOING TO LET ME DO THIS? |
| 298 | THIS IS MY CAREER WE'RE TALKING ABOUT HERE. |
| 299 | BUT... BUT YOU JUST... |
| 300 | I JUST SAID THAT SO YOU WOULDN'T LET BEN DO IT. |
| 301 | LOOK, ROSS, IF ANYONE SHOULD STEP ASIDE, IT SHOULD BE BEN. |
| 302 | WHAT? CHANDLER, TELL HIM. |
| 303 | WELL, LET ME... LET ME GET THE DOOR FIRST. |
| 304 | OH, HI, NO ONE. |
| 305 | WHY SHOULD BEN STEP ASIDE? |
| 306 | IT WAS HIS AUDITION IN THE FIRST PLACE. |
| 307 | YOU JUST TAGGED ALONG. |
| 308 | YOU'RE LIKE THE... THE TAG-ALONG DAD. |
| 309 | AT LEAST I CARE ABOUT HIS FEELINGS. |
| 310 | WH-WH-WHAT? |
| 311 | DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD THIS WILL BE ON HIM |
| 312 | WHEN HE DOESN'T GET IT? |
| 313 | AND WHY WOULDN'T HE GET IT? |
| 314 | OH, COME ON. |
| 315 | HAVE YOU SEEN WHAT MY KID CAN DO? |
| 316 | HUH? |
| 317 | I MEAN, HE DIALS PHONES |
| 318 | HE-HE EATS TORTILLA CHIPS. |
| 319 | HE-HE PLAYS SOCCER WITH THE CARTOON TIGER. |
| 320 | ARE YOU SAYING YOUR KID EATS SOUP BETTER THAN MY KID? |
| 321 | YOU JUST GIVE HIM A SPOON, BABY. |
| 322 | OH, YEAH? I GUESS WE'LL SEE. |
| 323 | YEAH |
| 324 | BECAUSE THIS COMMERCIAL BELONGS TO ME AND MITCH. |
| 325 | YOUR KID'S NAME IS RAYMOND. |
| 326 | YEAH, SO'S YOURS! |
| 327 | HOW DID WORK GO? OH, IT WAS GREAT. |
| 328 | I WENT DOWN THERE JUST LIKE YOU SAID, YOU KNOW, AND WE TALKED BUSINESS |
| 329 | AND KIM TOTALLY TOOK MY OPINIONS. |
| 330 | YOU STINK. |
| 331 | THANKS. |
| 332 | NO, I'M-I'M SERIOUS. |
| 333 | WELL, THAT-THAT'S JUST 'CAUSE I WENT DOWN THERE |
| 334 | AND THEY WERE ALL SMOKING. |
| 335 | THIS IS ACTUALLY THE SMELL OF SUCCESS. |
| 336 | OKAY, BUT THERE'S SOMETHING DIFFERENT, THOUGH. |
| 337 | OH, MY GOD. YOU SMOKED. |
| 338 | ( gasping ) |
| 339 | I DID NOT. |
| 340 | YES, YOU DID. YOU LOOK HAPPY AND SICK-- YOU SMOKED! |
| 341 | ALL RIGHT, FINE, BUT I HAD TO. |
| 342 | I HAD TO DO IT FOR MY CAREER. |
| 343 | I WISH I HAD TO SMOKE FOR MY CAREER. |
| 344 | BUT IT'S SO GROSS. |
| 345 | DON'T... NO, WELL, NO, IT'S NOT THAT BAD, YOU KNOW. |
| 346 | IT'S... I MEAN, YEAH, MY TONGUE FEELS A LITTLE FUZZY |
| 347 | AND MY FINGERS SORT OF SMELL. |
| 348 | I ACTUALLY FEEL LIKE I COULD THROW UP. |
| 349 | OKAY, BUT YOU GOT TO PUSH PAST THIS, OKAY? |
| 350 | BECAUSE IT'S ABOUT TO GET SO GOOD. |
| 351 | CHANDLER. |
| 352 | OH, I GOT TO TELL YOU, YOU SMELL SO SMOKY |
| 353 | I GOT... I-I GOT TO GET UP. |
| 354 | WHAT? I'M NOT KIDDING. |
| 355 | I THINK YOU SMELL GREAT. |
| 356 | SO, WE'RE DECIDED-- NO ON PLAID, YES ON PINK. |
| 357 | ABSOLUTELY. |
| 358 | I'M SO ON-BOARD. |
| 359 | MM-HMM. |
| 360 | RACHEL, DIDN'T YOU JUST LIGHT THAT? |
| 361 | YEAH, BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 362 | I'M JUST REALLY, REALLY TRYING TO CUT BACK, YOU KNOW. |
| 363 | GOOD LUCK, RACH. |
| 364 | I'VE ACTUALLY BEEN THINKING ABOUT QUITTING LATELY. |
| 365 | OH, WELL, SURE-- EVERY SUNDAY NIGHT |
| 366 | I TELL MYSELF I'M QUITTING. |
| 367 | EVERY MONDAY MORNING, IT'S LIKE... |
| 368 | TELL ME ABOUT IT. |
| 369 | WELL, LET'S JUST QUIT. |
| 370 | WE'LL JUST QUIT. LET'S ALL QUIT. |
| 371 | IT DOES SOUND APPEALING. |
| 372 | I NEVER COULD DO IT. |
| 373 | OH, BUT YOU COULD. YOU CAN. ABSOLUTELY. |
| 374 | WE CAN HELP EACH OTHER OUT. |
| 375 | YOU KNOW, WE COULD GET-- WHAT? WHAT?-- THOSE PATCHES. |
| 376 | WE COULD BE LIKE THE PATCH SISTERS. |
| 377 | WELL, YOU KNOW, WE REALLY SHOULD QUIT. |
| 378 | OKAY, LET'S QUIT. |
| 379 | YES. GREAT. GIVE ME THOSE CIGS. |
| 380 | COME ON, GIVE IT. GIVE IT. |
| 381 | OUT, DONE. QUIT. WHOO! |
| 382 | MY LATE HUSBAND GAVE ME THAT LIGHTER. |
| 383 | SHE'S FUNNY. |
| 384 | I'M NOT KIDDING. |
| 385 | OKAY, THEN. OKAY. |
| 386 | MMM... SOUP. |
| 387 | MMM, SOUP. |
| 388 | MMM... SOUP. |
| 389 | JOEY, ROSS IS GOING TO BE HERE ANY SECOND. |
| 390 | WOULD YOU MIND WATCHING BEN FOR ME WHILE I USE THE LADIES ROOM? |
| 391 | OH, YEAH. NO PROBLEM. |
| 392 | MMM, SOUP. |
| 393 | HI, BEN. |
| 394 | SO YOU WANT TO BE AN ACTOR, HUH? |
| 395 | WELL, I GOT TO TELL YOU, IT'S NO PICNIC. |
| 396 | THERE'S TONS OF REJECTION. |
| 397 | NO STABILITY. |
| 398 | I MEAN, ONE DAY YOU'RE DR. DRAKE RAMORAY. |
| 399 | THE NEXT DAY, YOU'RE EATING KETCHUP |
| 400 | RIGHT OUT OF THE BOTTLE. |
| 401 | JOEY. |
| 402 | ROSS. |
| 403 | BEN. |
| 404 | I MEAN, BEN, BEN. |
| 405 | OKAY. |
| 406 | RAYMOND, JOEY, YOU'RE UP. |
| 407 | HEY. |
| 408 | OKAY. |
| 409 | ALL RIGHT. WELL, LET'S... LET'S TRY ONE. |
| 410 | WHENEVER YOU GUYS ARE READY. |
| 411 | UH-OH. |
| 412 | IS THERE A PROBLEM? |
| 413 | WELL, THIS IS NOODLE SOUP |
| 414 | AND I'VE BEEN WORKING WITH TOMATO. |
| 415 | SO... BUT THAT'S OKAY. |
| 416 | NO PROBLEM, NO PROBLEM. |
| 417 | MMM, NOODLE SOUP. |
| 418 | YEAH. |
| 419 | YOU KNOW, THAT-THAT'S FINE |
| 420 | BUT THE LINE IS, "MMM, SOUP." |
| 421 | OH. WHAT DID I SAY? |
| 422 | "MMM, NOODLE SOUP." |
| 423 | HOW'S THAT DIFFERENT? |
| 424 | OH! I SEE, YEAH. |
| 425 | ALL RIGHT? |
| 426 | LET'S TRY ONE. |
| 427 | MMM, NOODLE SOUP. |
| 428 | OKAY. |
| 429 | LET'S... TRY IT AGAIN. |
| 430 | OKAY. |
| 431 | MMM, SOUP. |
| 432 | I MEAN NOODLE SOUP. |
| 433 | I MEAN SOUP. |
| 434 | COME ON! |
| 435 | YOU KNOW WHAT? WE NEED TO MOVE ON. |
| 436 | NO, I COULD DO IT ONE MORE TIME. SEE, LOOK. |
| 437 | MMM, NOODLE SOUP. |
| 438 | DAMN IT! |
| 439 | HEY. HEY! |
| 440 | UH-OH. BUSTED. |
| 441 | WELL, COME ON, YOU GUYS. |
| 442 | WHAT ARE YOU DOING? |
| 443 | I THOUGHT WE WERE THE PATCH SISTERS. |
| 444 | YEAH. THAT DIDN'T WORK OUT. |
| 445 | RACHEL, WE TRIED TO QUIT, BUT IT WAS TOO HARD. |
| 446 | WELL, YOU KNOW, IF YOU STARTED SMOKING AGAIN |
| 447 | YOU COULD HAVE AT LEAST TOLD ME. |
| 448 | COME ON. GIVE ME ONE OF THOSE. WHAT ARE WE TALKING ABOUT? |
| 449 | NO, NO. YOU'RE DOING GREAT. DON'T YOU GIVE UP. |
| 450 | THAT'S WHY WE DIDN'T TELL YOU |
| 451 | AND WE ARE NOT GOING TO DRAG YOU DOWN WITH US. |
| 452 | WAIT. NO, NO, NO. DRAG ME DOWN. DRAG-DRAG ME DOWN. |
| 453 | FORGET IT, RACHEL. |
| 454 | WE'RE BOTH SO PROUD OF HOW WELL YOU'RE DOING. |
| 455 | I'M NOT GOING TO LET YOU BLOW IT. |
| 456 | IN FACT, IF I CATCH YOU WITH A CIGARETTE, YOU'RE FIRED. |
| 457 | GO ON. I DON'T WANT YOU BREATHING THIS STUFF. GO ON. |
| 458 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 459 | SO YOU'LL COME WITH ME ON THE PARIS TRIP? |
| 460 | OH, MAN! |
| 461 | Chandler: HEY. |
| 462 | HEY, CHECK IT OUT. |
| 463 | UM, CUP HAT, CUP BANNER, CUP CHANDELIER |
| 464 | AND THE THING THAT STARTED IT ALL-- |
| 465 | THE CUP. |
| 466 | GREAT JOB WITH THE CUPS, PHEEBS. |
| 467 | ( giggling ) |
| 468 | WHY DON'T YOU JUST GO OUT WITH HER? |
| 469 | AND DID YOU NOTICE THE ICE? |
| 470 | LOOK, WE HAVE IT ALL-- |
| 471 | WE HAVE CRUSHED, CUBED AND DRY. |
| 472 | WATCH. |
| 473 | AHH... MYSTICAL. |
| 474 | OH, YES. |
| 475 | CHANDLER... |
| 476 | IF IT WEREN'T... |
| 477 | NO ONE'S EATING MY TUSCAN FINGER FOOD |
| 478 | BECAUSE THEY'RE ALL FILLING UP ON PHOEBE'S SNO-CONES. |
| 479 | THERE ARE SNO-CONES? |
| 480 | SNO-CONES? YECH! |
| 481 | YOU KNOW, GO, GO. THANK YOU, THANK YOU. |
| 482 | Phoebe: OH, LOOK, LOOK! |
| 483 | All: SURPRISE! |
| 484 | WHAT?! |
| 485 | MY BIRTHDAY IS NOT FOR ANOTHER MONTH. |
| 486 | THAT'S THE SURPRISE. |
| 487 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 488 | YOU GUYS, THIS IS SO GREAT. |
| 489 | IT'S SO UNEXPECTED. |
| 490 | I MEAN, CHANDLER'S BIRTHDAY'S EVEN BEFORE MINE. |
| 491 | ( weakly ): SURPRISE. |
| 492 | WOW! THIS IS SO GREAT. |
| 493 | LOOK AT ALL THESE... CUPS. |
| 494 | THIS IS SO WEIRD. |
| 495 | I WAS IN CHARGE OF CUPS. |
| 496 | OH, OKAY. NOT SO WEIRD. |
| 497 | HEY. |
| 498 | HEY. |
| 499 | LISTEN, MAN, UH... I'M SORRY THE AUDITION DIDN'T GO WELL. |
| 500 | ( snorts ): YEAH, RIGHT. |
| 501 | NO, REALLY, I AM, JOEY. |
| 502 | I FEEL BAD. |
| 503 | YEAH, WELL, LOOK, ROSS... |
| 504 | YOU DON'T HAVE TO, OKAY? |
| 505 | IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT I SUCK. |
| 506 | I MEAN, WHAT KIND OF ACTOR CAN'T EVEN SAY, |
| 507 | "MMM! NOODLE SOUP"? |
| 508 | HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT? MAYBE... MAYBE YOU DIDN'T MESS UP |
| 509 | YOUR AUDITION BECAUSE YOU SUCK. |
| 510 | MAYBE YOU MESSED UP BECAUSE YOU CARE MORE ABOUT YOUR GODSON. |
| 511 | WHAT DO YOU MEAN? |
| 512 | I THINK SUBCONSCIOUSLY... |
| 513 | WHOA-WHOA. YOU LOST ME. |
| 514 | I THINK ON SOME LEVEL |
| 515 | YOU-YOU SABOTAGED YOUR OWN AUDITION |
| 516 | SO BEN WOULD GET THE PART. |
| 517 | WELL, YOUR WAY SOUNDS A LOT BETTER THAN MINE. |
| 518 | YEAH. YEAH. IT'S NOT THAT I'M A BAD ACTOR... |
| 519 | NO. |
| 520 | NO, IT'S JUST THAT, UH, I CARE SO DAMN MUCH ABOUT LITTLE BEN |
| 521 | THAT, UH, IT WAS MORE IMPORTANT FOR ME TO SEE HIM SUCCEED. |
| 522 | THERE YOU GO. YEAH. |
| 523 | THANK YOU. THANK YOU. |
| 524 | SO, DID HE GET IT? NO. |
| 525 | AH, WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO? |
| 526 | IS RACHEL HERE? |
| 527 | I'M MEETING HER FOR LUNCH. |
| 528 | SHE DOESN'T COME DOWN HERE ANYMORE. |
| 529 | YOU CAN FIND HER UP ON TEN. |
| 530 | OKAY, GREAT. |
| 531 | I'LL CATCH YOU GUYS LATER. |
| 532 | |
| 1 | HEY. HEY. |
| 2 | WOW. YOU LOOK NICE; WHAT'S THE OCCASION? |
| 3 | MONICA AND I ARE CELEBRATING OUR TEN-MONTH ANNIVERSARY. |
| 4 | GOT RESERVATIONS AT JEAN-GEORGES. |
| 5 | WELL... HOW'D YOU GET IN THERE? |
| 6 | AH, MADE A FEW CALLS, PULLED SOME STRINGS |
| 7 | AND THEY AGREED TO SEAT US AT 11:30 |
| 8 | IF WE BOTH HAD THE CHICKEN AND DIDN'T GET DESSERT. |
| 9 | I SEE. |
| 10 | ( knocking ) |
| 11 | HI, CHANDLER. HEY, CAITLIN. |
| 12 | SOMEBODY GOT A HAIRCUT. UGH. I HATE IT. |
| 13 | I LOOK LIKE AN EIGHT-YEAR-OLD BOY. |
| 14 | YEAH, WELL, IF THAT WAS TRUE, GYM CLASS WOULD HAVE BEEN |
| 15 | A LOT MORE INTERESTING. |
| 16 | ( chuckles ) |
| 17 | IT'S, UH, $27 EVEN. |
| 18 | OH, OKAY. THERE YOU GO. ( duck quacking ) |
| 19 | HEY, WHERE'S THE CHICKEN? OH, HE'S IN THE BACK. |
| 20 | THE DUCK PISSED HIM OFF-- |
| 21 | SAID THAT EGGS CAME FIRST. |
| 22 | THANKS. I'LL SEE YOU LATER. |
| 23 | OKAY, BYE. |
| 24 | WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT? |
| 25 | WHAT? THE FLIRTING. |
| 26 | AREN'T YOU SUPPOSED TO BE GOING OUT WITH-- UH, I DON'T KNOW-- |
| 27 | HMM, LET'S SEE-- MY SISTER?! |
| 28 | I WAS NOT FLIRTING. |
| 29 | IT WAS TOTALLY FLIRTING. |
| 30 | "SOMEBODY GOT A HAIRCUT." |
| 31 | ( talking gibberish ) |
| 32 | OKAY, FIRST OF ALL, THE IMPRESSION? UNCANNY. |
| 33 | AND SECOND, THAT WAS NOT FLIRTING. THAT WAS |
| 34 | JUST CASUAL CONVERSATION BETWEEN TWO PEOPLE; |
| 35 | THAT IS ALL. |
| 36 | YEAH, RIGHT. |
| 37 | YOU WANT TO SEE FLIRTING? I'LL SHOW YOU FLIRTING. |
| 38 | I'M GOOD. I'M GOOD. |
| 39 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 40 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 41 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 42 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 43 | ♪ WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY, YOUR WEEK ♪ |
| 44 | ♪ YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 45 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 46 | ♪ WHEN THE RAIN STARTS TO POUR ♪ |
| 47 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 48 | ♪ LIKE I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE ♪ |
| 49 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 50 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME, TOO. ♪ |
| 51 | I AM SO PROUD OF JOEY. |
| 52 | I CAN'T BELIEVE HE'S GOING TO BE ON LAW AND ORDER. |
| 53 | I KNOW, BUT DON'T YOU THINK |
| 54 | THAT IT SHOULD BE CALLED "ORDER AND LAW"? |
| 55 | NO, BECAUSE FIRST THEY ARREST THE GUY, AND THEN THEY TRY HIM. |
| 56 | YEAH, DON'T GET ME STARTED ON THAT. |
| 57 | I WAS NOT FLIRTING. |
| 58 | AND ON YOUR ANNIVERSARY-- FOR SHAME. |
| 59 | Rachel: WHAT'S GOING ON? |
| 60 | CHANDLER WAS HITTING ON THE HOT DELIVERY GIRL. |
| 61 | I WAS NOT AND, OH, GOD, SHH! |
| 62 | WELL, I'M SORRY, BUT YOU WERE, OKAY? |
| 63 | AND BESIDES, IF ANYONE SHOULD BE HITTING ON HER |
| 64 | IT'S THE GUY WHO'S SINGLE, OKAY? |
| 65 | THE GUY WHO CAN DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. |
| 66 | SOUNDS LIKE SOMEONE WANTS TO BE MR. PIZZA DELIVERY GIRL. |
| 67 | WELL... IS THAT WHAT THIS IS ABOUT? |
| 68 | YOU LIKE CAITLIN? |
| 69 | ( chuckling ): ROSS, WE BROKE UP TWO YEARS AGO. |
| 70 | YOU'VE BEEN MARRIED SINCE THEN. |
| 71 | I THINK IT'S OKAY THAT WE SEE OTHER PEOPLE. |
| 72 | WELL, I WAS WATCHING HER THE OTHER DAY |
| 73 | AT THE PIZZA PLACE, AND SHE WAS JUST SO SEXY |
| 74 | AND FUNNY AND HAS THE CUTEST LITTLE... |
| 75 | OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT? WE DON'T NEED HER MEASUREMENTS. |
| 76 | OKAY, PEPPERONI, PEPPERONI, PEPPERONI. |
| 77 | ROSS, I KNOW SHE'S PRETTY AND YOU LOVE HER |
| 78 | BUT IS SHE STUPID? |
| 79 | SHE FORGOT MY VEGETARIAN. |
| 80 | THIS IS PERFECT. |
| 81 | SHE'LL HAVE TO COME BACK HERE WITH YOUR PIZZA |
| 82 | AND, WHEN SHE DOES, I WILL TURN ON THE CHARM-O'-ROSS. |
| 83 | OH, I AM SO GLAD YOU DON'T EAT MEAT. |
| 84 | SEE? VEGETARIANISM BENEFITS EVERYONE. |
| 85 | HEY, EVERYBODY, LOOK WHO'S HERE. |
| 86 | YOU REMEMBER MY GRANDMOTHER? |
| 87 | All: HI! BUONA SERA. |
| 88 | BIG NIGHT. YEAH, IT'S SO COOL. |
| 89 | SO, JOEY ON LAW AND ORDER-- YOU MUST BE VERY PROUD. |
| 90 | CHANDLER, SHE DOESN'T UNDERSTAND A WORD OF ENGLISH. |
| 91 | I'M SORRY. I THOUGHT YOU WERE JOEY'S OTHER GRANDMOTHER. |
| 92 | I'VE DONE IT AGAIN. |
| 93 | NO, NONNI-- NONNI'S MY BIGGEST FAN. |
| 94 | YEAH, SHE'S THE ONLY ONE IN THE FAMILY |
| 95 | WHO'S ALWAYS BELIEVED IN ME. |
| 96 | SI, NONNI? IO SONO NUMERO UNO, NO? |
| 97 | ( Italian accent ): SI, BIG STAR. |
| 98 | MY BIG FAT JOEY STAR. |
| 99 | ( chuckles ) |
| 100 | YEAH, I WEIGHED, LIKE, 27 POUNDS WHEN I WAS BORN. |
| 101 | HEY, HAPPY ANNIVERSARY. |
| 102 | HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, TEN MONTHS. |
| 103 | OH... |
| 104 | SO, UM, WHEN I WAS IN THE SHOWER |
| 105 | I WAS THINKING ABOUT OUR FIRST NIGHT IN LONDON. |
| 106 | OH, JOEY'S GRANDMOTHER'S RIGHT THERE. |
| 107 | IS THAT THE ONE WHO SPEAKS ENGLISH OR THE ONE WHO DOESN'T? |
| 108 | THE ONE WHO DOESN'T. |
| 109 | THAT WAS SOME HOT LOVE YOU GAVE ME. |
| 110 | I'M GOING TO GO GET READY. |
| 111 | HEY, WHY DON'T YOU WEAR THOSE EARRINGS I GOT YOU? |
| 112 | OH, THAT'S A GREAT IDEA. |
| 113 | I WAS SAVING THEM FOR SOMETHING SPECIAL. |
| 114 | OKAY. |
| 115 | YOU'VE GOT TO GO HOME. |
| 116 | BUT I LIKE IT HERE. |
| 117 | YOU GOT TO GO HOME AND GET THE EARRINGS THAT YOU BORROWED FROM ME, OKAY? |
| 118 | CHANDLER WANTS ME TO WEAR THEM TONIGHT. |
| 119 | OKAY. I THINK THEY'RE IN MY PURSE. |
| 120 | WHY DON'T YOU GO GET DRESSED? AND I'LL LOOK FOR THEM. |
| 121 | GREAT. OKAY. |
| 122 | RACH, HI. |
| 123 | I NEED THOSE EARRINGS YOU BORROWED. |
| 124 | OH, UM... OKAY. |
| 125 | YEAH. I'LL BE RIGHT BACK. |
| 126 | OKAY. |
| 127 | SCUSA, SIGNORA. |
| 128 | ( speaking Italian ) |
| 129 | NIENTE, GRAZIE. |
| 130 | ( speaks Italian ) |
| 131 | ( giggles ) |
| 132 | WOW, PHEEBS, YOU SPEAK ITALIAN? |
| 133 | I GUESS SO. |
| 134 | THERE YOU GO. THANK YOU. |
| 135 | WAIT, RACH. WHERE'S THE OTHER ONE? |
| 136 | OH, WHAT? YOU WANT BOTH OF THEM? |
| 137 | RACHEL KAREN GREEN, WHERE IS THE OTHER EARRING? |
| 138 | OKAY, OKAY. OKAY, LOOK, JUST DON'T FREAK OUT |
| 139 | BUT I KIND OF LOST IT. |
| 140 | I KNOW IT'S IN THE APARTMENT |
| 141 | BUT I DEFINITELY LOST IT. |
| 142 | WHAT AM I GOING TO TELL MONICA? |
| 143 | SHE WANTS TO WEAR THEM TONIGHT. |
| 144 | I DON'T KNOW. TELL HER TO WEAR HER OWN EARRINGS. |
| 145 | THESE ARE HER EARRINGS. |
| 146 | NO, NO! |
| 147 | YOU LENT ME MONICA'S EARRINGS?! |
| 148 | I'M NOT ALLOWED TO BORROW HER STUFF! |
| 149 | WHY NOT? |
| 150 | BECAUSE I LOSE HER STUFF! |
| 151 | He left a little after 2:00. |
| 152 | OKAY, NOW, YOU SEE THAT BLIND GUY RIGHT THERE? |
| 153 | I'M GOING TO BASH HIS HEAD IN LATER. |
| 154 | DOV'E, JOEY? DOV'E, JOEY? |
| 155 | MY BIG SCENE'S COMING UP. |
| 156 | THE BIG SCENE COMING UP. |
| 157 | IF YOU SAID, "BIG LIMA BEAN BUBBLING UP" |
| 158 | WOULD SHE UNDERSTAND THE DIFFERENCE? |
| 159 | RACH, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? |
| 160 | OH, I-I JUST CAN'T WATCH. |
| 161 | IT'S TOO SCARY. |
| 162 | IT'S A DIAPER COMMERCIAL. |
| 163 | OH, YEAH, WELL, YOU KNOW ME AND BABIES... RESPONSIBILITIES. |
| 164 | ( mock scream ) |
| 165 | ( knock at door ) |
| 166 | Caitlin: PIZZA DELIVERY! |
| 167 | I'LL GET IT! I WILL GET THAT! |
| 168 | HI. HI. |
| 169 | ONE VEGETARIAN PIZZA. |
| 170 | IT'S $12.15. |
| 171 | OH. UH, BY THE WAY |
| 172 | IF IT MAKES YOU FEEL ANY BETTER |
| 173 | I HAPPEN TO LIKE EIGHT-YEAR-OLD BOYS. |
| 174 | WHAT? |
| 175 | ( stuttering ): NO... OH, I MEAN... |
| 176 | THE, UH... YOUR HAIR... BEFORE... |
| 177 | YOUR HAIR... YOU SAID YOU THOUGHT |
| 178 | THAT YOUR HAIR LOOKED LIKE AN EIGHT-YEAR-OLD BOY'S |
| 179 | AND I'M, I'M JUST SAYING, I LIKE IT-- |
| 180 | THE-THE HAIR. |
| 181 | OH. THANKS. |
| 182 | YOU UNDERSTAND I DON'T ACTUALLY LIKE EIGHT-YEAR-OLD BOYS. |
| 183 | YOU KNOW, ALL I'M LOOKING FOR IS THE MONEY. |
| 184 | HERE YOU GO. NOW, STOP BRINGING US PIZZAS, YOU. |
| 185 | I'M GOING TO TRY. |
| 186 | BYE. |
| 187 | ( sighs ) YOU'RE WELCOME. |
| 188 | YOU COULDN'T LET ME HAVE HER, COULD YOU? |
| 189 | WHAT? |
| 190 | THIS IS A GIRL I REALLY LIKE |
| 191 | AND YOU, YOU HAD TO SWOOP IN THERE! |
| 192 | WHAT'S GOING ON? |
| 193 | CHANDLER WAS TOTALLY FLIRTING |
| 194 | WITH THE HOT DELIVERY GIRL. |
| 195 | THANK YOU FOR THAT. |
| 196 | I WAS NOT FLIRTING. |
| 197 | IT'S OKAY. I DON'T CARE. |
| 198 | IT'S FINE. |
| 199 | REALLY? REALLY? |
| 200 | IT'S NO BIG DEAL. |
| 201 | I DO IT ALL THE TIME. |
| 202 | ( chuckles ) |
| 203 | SO, UH... ( clears throat ) |
| 204 | YOU-YOU-YOU FLIRT WITH GUYS ALL THE TIME? |
| 205 | SURE. IT DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING. |
| 206 | JUST LIKE I KNOW IT DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING WITH YOU. |
| 207 | OKAY, BUT THERE'S A BIG DIFFERENCE, ALL RIGHT? |
| 208 | YOU ARE A LOT HOTTER THAN I AM. |
| 209 | TRUE STORY. |
| 210 | CHANDLER, THIS ACTUALLY BOTHERS YOU? |
| 211 | YES, IT DOES BOTHER ME. |
| 212 | I THINK IT'D BOTHER A LOT OF PEOPLE. |
| 213 | RACHEL, WHEN YOU WERE GOING OUT WITH ROSS |
| 214 | DID IT BOTHER YOU WHEN HE FLIRTED WITH OTHER WOMEN? |
| 215 | UH, NO. NO, IT BOTHERED ME |
| 216 | WHEN HE SLEPT WITH OTHER WOMEN. |
| 217 | AND THANK YOU FOR THAT. |
| 218 | BUT, YOU KNOW, I NEVER REALLY HAD ANYTHING TO WORRY ABOUT. |
| 219 | ROSS WAS NEVER VERY GOOD AT THE FLIRTING THING. |
| 220 | WHA-WHA...? |
| 221 | WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? |
| 222 | IT WORKED WITH YOU. |
| 223 | OH, YOU KNOW WHAT? NO, YOU'RE RIGHT. |
| 224 | WE MET, YOU FLIRTED AND THEN BAM! |
| 225 | NINE YEARS LATER, YOU HAD ME. |
| 226 | ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. |
| 227 | YOU KNOW WHAT I'M GOING TO DO? |
| 228 | I AM GOING TO ORDER ANOTHER PIZZA |
| 229 | AND WHEN CAITLIN GETS HERE |
| 230 | YOU-- I WILL SHOW YOU HOW WELL I FLIRT. |
| 231 | IN FACT, I WILL-- |
| 232 | I WILL GET HER PHONE NUMBER-- |
| 233 | WELL... AND NOT THE ONE ON THE MENU. |
| 234 | I FOUND IT. ( gasps ): OH, THANK GOD! |
| 235 | WHERE WAS IT? ON YOUR DRESSER. |
| 236 | OKAY, THAT IS THE ONE WE ALREADY HAVE. |
| 237 | OH! |
| 238 | OKAY, HERE'S MY BIG SCENE. |
| 239 | MY BIG SCENE'S HERE. |
| 240 | What do you bet, nobody heard anything? |
| 241 | No bet. |
| 242 | Anybody home? |
| 243 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 244 | WHAT? |
| 245 | OKAY, EVERYBODY JUST KEEP SMILING. |
| 246 | IT'LL KILL MY GRANDMOTHER IF SHE FINDS OUT. |
| 247 | WHAT IS IT? |
| 248 | THEY CUT ME OUT OF THE SHOW. |
| 249 | WHAT? ARE YOU SURE? |
| 250 | MAYBE YOUR SCENE'S COMING UP. |
| 251 | NOT LIKELY, 'CAUSE YOU SEE THAT BODY BAG RIGHT THERE? |
| 252 | YEAH. I'M IN IT. |
| 253 | THIS IS TERRIBLE. WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO? |
| 254 | I DON'T KNOW. THIS LITTLE OLD LADY LIVES FOR MY CAREER. |
| 255 | WHEN THEY DUMPED ME OFF DAYS OF OUR LIVES, SHE ALMOST DIED. |
| 256 | THAT'S NOT GOOD. |
| 257 | YOU'RE NOT SMILING. NOT THAT FACE. |
| 258 | SMILE. EVERYBODY SMILE! |
| 259 | JOEY, WHY DON'T YOU JUST TELL HER WHAT HAPPENED? |
| 260 | I MEAN, IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT. IF WE KEEP TALKING THIS WAY, |
| 261 | AREN'T WE GOING TO FREAK HER OUT SOON? |
| 262 | ( speaking Italian ) |
| 263 | OH, UH, UH, SOON. SOON. |
| 264 | I'M GOING TO BE ON SOON. |
| 265 | I... THERE I AM! |
| 266 | I'll let you know. |
| 267 | Grandma: NO! |
| 268 | SAM WATERSTON. |
| 269 | NO, NO, NO. THAT'S... THAT'S ME. THAT'S ME. |
| 270 | NO. SAM WATERSTON. |
| 271 | CRIME MISDEMEANOR, CAPRICORN ONE... |
| 272 | SHE DOESN'T KNOW "HELLO," BUT SHE KNOWS CAPRICORN ONE. |
| 273 | PHOEBE? HMM? |
| 274 | I HAVE TO HAVE THOSE EARRINGS. |
| 275 | WE'RE GOING TO LEAVE AS SOON AS THE SHOW'S OVER. |
| 276 | BUT I ALREADY GAVE THEM BACK TO YOU. |
| 277 | NO, YOU DIDN'T. |
| 278 | ALL RIGHT, I ALREADY DIDN'T GAVE THEM BACK TO YOU. |
| 279 | THAT'S WHAT I SAID. |
| 280 | RACHEL, WHERE IS THAT OTHER EARRING? |
| 281 | IT'S NOT HERE, PHEEBS. IT'S NOT HERE. |
| 282 | OH! I WENT TO JOEY AND CHANDLER'S LAST NIGHT. |
| 283 | OKAY. MAKE SURE YOU CHECK CHANDLER'S JEWELRY BOX. |
| 284 | WAIT A MINUTE. WHAT? CHANDLER HAS A JEWELRY BOX? |
| 285 | OKAY, WE HAVE, LIKE, TEN MINUTES. |
| 286 | DO YOU WANT ME TO GET INTO THAT NOW? |
| 287 | HEY, PHEEBS. |
| 288 | HOW'S THAT, UH... |
| 289 | VEGETARIAN PIZZA WORKING OUT FOR YOU, HUH? |
| 290 | YOU AND THOSE VEGETABLES |
| 291 | HAVE A REAL THING GOING ON, HUH? |
| 292 | WHY ARE YOU BEING WEIRD? |
| 293 | DO YOU LIKE IT? |
| 294 | NO. THAT WOULD BE, "WHY ARE YOU BEING CUTE?" |
| 295 | OKAY, I'M WORKING ON MY FLIRTING. |
| 296 | OH! I DID NOT GET THAT. |
| 297 | SO, MONICA, DO YOU... DO YOU LIKE THE LAW & ORDER? |
| 298 | YEAH. IT'S GOOD. |
| 299 | SEE, I'M FINDING OUT ALL THIS STUFF ABOUT YOU TODAY-- |
| 300 | LIKE YOU LIKE THE LAW & ORDER |
| 301 | AND-AND YOU FLIRTED |
| 302 | WITH EVERY GUY IN THE TRISTATE AREA. |
| 303 | SHH! SHH! |
| 304 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 305 | OKAY, LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT. |
| 306 | IT'S OKAY FOR YOU TO FLIRT, BUT NOT FOR ME. |
| 307 | OH, I'M SO GLAD WE CLEARED THAT UP. |
| 308 | LOOK, I'M SORRY, BUT SOME THINGS ARE DIFFERENT |
| 309 | FOR MEN AND FOR WOMEN. |
| 310 | GO ON, TEACH ME SOMETHING ABOUT MEN AND WOMEN. |
| 311 | OKAY, I'VE ALREADY TAUGHT YOU SO MUCH ALREADY, |
| 312 | BUT WHATEVER... |
| 313 | SEE, WHEN YOU FLIRT WITH A GUY |
| 314 | YOU THINK, "I'M JUST FLIRTING. NO BIG DEAL." |
| 315 | BUT THE GUY IS THINKING "FINALLY, |
| 316 | SOMEBODY WHO WANTS TO SLEEP WITH ME." |
| 317 | NO WAY! |
| 318 | IT'S TRUE. |
| 319 | THAT'S PATHETIC. AGAIN, TRUE. |
| 320 | ( scoffs ) AND THIS GOES FOR ALL GUYS? |
| 321 | ALL GUYS THAT ARE AWAKE. |
| 322 | THEN WE GO TO SLEEP. |
| 323 | AND ALL GUYS FROM THE OTHER END OF THE WORLD |
| 324 | WAKE UP AND BEHAVE THE EXACT SAME WAY. |
| 325 | ALL RIGHT, IT'S ANOTHER COMMERCIAL |
| 326 | AND I STILL HAVEN'T TOLD HER. |
| 327 | JOEY, THIS IS, LIKE, THE LAST COMMERCIAL. |
| 328 | YOU GOT, LIKE, TEN MINUTES LEFT. |
| 329 | I KNOW, I KNOW. WHAT AM I GOING TO DO? OH! |
| 330 | NO, YOU ARE NOT GOING TO RUN OUT |
| 331 | AND LEAVE HER HERE. |
| 332 | YEAH, ALL RIGHT. |
| 333 | OH! |
| 334 | JOEY? |
| 335 | UH... JOEY'S GOING TO BE RIGHT BACK. |
| 336 | RIGHT... BACK. |
| 337 | ( chuckles ) |
| 338 | MEANWHILE, LET'S, LET'S, LET'S TALK ABOUT YOU. |
| 339 | SO... YOU'RE OLD AND SMALL. |
| 340 | DID YOU FIND IT? |
| 341 | THE EARRING? NO. BUT, LOOK-- |
| 342 | I FOUND MY SUNGLASSES UNDER THE COUCH. |
| 343 | I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR THESE SINCE, LIKE, LAST SUMMER. |
| 344 | OKAY, THOSE ARE MY SUNGLASSES. |
| 345 | YOU BORROWED THEM FROM ME. |
| 346 | OKAY. CALM DOWN. HERE THEY ARE. |
| 347 | PHOEBE? |
| 348 | WHAT DO I DO? |
| 349 | I DON'T KNOW. I DON'T KNOW. |
| 350 | ALL RIGHT. WELL... |
| 351 | WE'RE JUST GOING TO HAVE TO TELL MONICA, THAT'S ALL. |
| 352 | OH, GOD, SHE'S GOING TO KILL ME. |
| 353 | I SUPPOSE I COULD TELL HER IT WAS JUST ALL MY FAULT. |
| 354 | OH, THAT WOULD BE GREAT. |
| 355 | MON, CAN I TALK TO YOU FOR A SEC? |
| 356 | YEAH. WHAT IS IT? |
| 357 | UM... I LOST ONE OF YOUR EARRINGS. |
| 358 | I'M SORRY. I AM SO, SO SORRY. |
| 359 | WOW... |
| 360 | ALL RIGHT. WELL, I MEAN... |
| 361 | WHAT CAN YOU DO? IF YOU LOST IT, YOU LOST IT. |
| 362 | I'LL REPLACE IT, I PROMISE. I FEEL SO TERRIBLE. |
| 363 | ALL RIGHT, SWEETIE, THAT'S FINE. YOU DIDN'T DO IT ON PURPOSE. |
| 364 | NO. |
| 365 | LOOK AT YOU. COME HERE. |
| 366 | AW... |
| 367 | IS THAT BETTER? YEAH. YOU'RE THE BEST. |
| 368 | OKAY, WAIT A MINUTE. |
| 369 | WAIT A MINUTE. I-I-I... I CAN'T DO THIS. |
| 370 | LISTEN, HONEY, THIS IS... |
| 371 | IT'S NOT PHOEBE'S FAULT. |
| 372 | SHE LENT ME THE EARRINGS. |
| 373 | I LOST IT. I'M SO SORRY, HONEY. |
| 374 | I FEEL TERRIBLE, TOO. |
| 375 | THAT IS EXACTLY WHY I DO NOT LEND YOU STUFF! |
| 376 | OKAY? |
| 377 | FIRST, IT'S MY JEWELRY! IF IT'S NOT MY JEWELRY, IT'S MY BLUE SWEATER! |
| 378 | IF IT'S NOT MY BLUE SWEATER, IT'S MY SUNGLASSES! |
| 379 | YOUR SUNGLASSES? |
| 380 | YES! |
| 381 | OH, RIGHT. |
| 382 | ( knocking on door ) |
| 383 | PIZZA! MINE! MINE! MINE! |
| 384 | OKAY, HERE GOES. |
| 385 | PREPARE YOURSELVES FOR SOME CLASS "A" FLIRTING. |
| 386 | OKAY, HOLD ON. |
| 387 | OKAY. |
| 388 | HEY, YOU HAVE NOTHING TO PROVE. |
| 389 | AND IF YOU REALLY LIKE THIS GIRL |
| 390 | I DON'T THINK FLIRTING'S THE RIGHT WAY TO... |
| 391 | UH! UH! UH! UH! UH! |
| 392 | YOU'LL SEE. OKAY. |
| 393 | WH-WHAT'S HER NAME? |
| 394 | All: CAITLIN. |
| 395 | CAITLIN. |
| 396 | ( giggling ) |
| 397 | HEY! |
| 398 | OH, WE... WE CAN'T KEEP EATING LIKE THIS. |
| 399 | IT'S, UH.... $12.50. |
| 400 | OKAY. UM... |
| 401 | SO... |
| 402 | DO YOU... MAKE THE PIZZAS |
| 403 | IN ONE OF THOSE, UH... WOOD-BURNING OVENS? |
| 404 | NO. ACTUALLY, UM... I THINK THEY'RE GAS. |
| 405 | GAS? WOW! |
| 406 | INTENSE. |
| 407 | IF THIS IS THE WAY ALL THE GELLERS FLIRT |
| 408 | WE DON'T HAVE A PROBLEM. |
| 409 | HEY, UH... YOU KNOW THAT SMELL GAS HAS? |
| 410 | YEAH. |
| 411 | THEY PUT THAT IN. |
| 412 | WHAT? |
| 413 | THE GAS IS ODORLESS |
| 414 | BUT THEY ADD THE SMELL |
| 415 | SO YOU KNOW WHEN THERE'S A LEAK. |
| 416 | WELL, OKAY. |
| 417 | A LOT OF OTHER GAS SMELLS. |
| 418 | OH, THE HUMANITY. |
| 419 | ME-METHANE SMELLS. |
| 420 | YOU KNOW WHAT? UM... |
| 421 | ACTUALLY, I... I REALLY... I SHOULD GO. |
| 422 | OH, BUT I-I... I HAVEN'T PAID YOU YET. |
| 423 | YOU KNOW WHAT? THAT'S OKAY. |
| 424 | YOU GUYS HAVE ORDERED SO MANY THAT THIS ONE'S ON ME. |
| 425 | WAS I TALKING TO HER ABOUT GAS? |
| 426 | MORE SO THAN ANYTHING ELSE. |
| 427 | I-I... I FOUND IT INTERESTING. |
| 428 | I'M SORRY. |
| 429 | HEY, HEY, DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT. |
| 430 | IN NINE YEARS, SHE AND I WILL BE RIGHT THERE. |
| 431 | OKAY, WELL, I'M GOING TO CLEAR OUT SOME OF THESE BOXES. |
| 432 | ROSS? YEAH? |
| 433 | WHAT ELSE DO THEY ADD SMELL TO? |
| 434 | CAITLIN. CAITLIN, HI. |
| 435 | HI, HI, HI. I'M RACHEL. |
| 436 | FROM UPSTAIRS? THE PEOPLE WITH ALL THE PIZZA? |
| 437 | OH, WAS THERE A PROBLEM? NO, NO, NO. |
| 438 | EVERYTHING, THEY'RE FINE. GREAT PIZZA. |
| 439 | BUT IT'S ACTUALLY, UM, MY FRIEND, ROSS. |
| 440 | HE, UH, HE JUST GETS REALLY NERVOUS WHEN HE'S FLIRTING. |
| 441 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 442 | THAT WAS FLIRTING? |
| 443 | YEAH. I KNOW. WOW. |
| 444 | I KNOW. I KNOW. |
| 445 | BUT, UH, JUST... I'M TELLING YOU. |
| 446 | ONCE... ONCE YOU GET PAST THAT PART |
| 447 | WHERE IT JUST FEELS LIKE YOU WANT TO DIE |
| 448 | UM, HE'S... HE'S A REALLY GOOD PERSON. |
| 449 | THE GUY WITH THE GAS? |
| 450 | YEAH. I-I... I'M TELLING YOU. |
| 451 | HE'S REALLY SWEET AND HE'S REALLY FUNNY |
| 452 | AND HE'S JUST... OH, JUST GOT A GOOD HEART. |
| 453 | AND BESIDES, I THINK HE REALLY LIKES YOU. |
| 454 | REALLY? |
| 455 | YOU KNOW, WE HAVE SEVEN PEOPLE |
| 456 | AND, LIKE, TEN PIZZAS. |
| 457 | WHAT DO YOU THINK? |
| 458 | I JUST... I THOUGHT JOEY WAS THERE. |
| 459 | Man: You have till Monday |
| 460 | then I move to dismiss. |
| 461 | HEY, ROSS? |
| 462 | UM... I JUST RAN INTO CAITLIN IN THE HALLWAY |
| 463 | AND-AND, UH... YOU MUST BE GETTING BETTER |
| 464 | AT THIS FLIRTING STUFF THAN I THOUGHT. |
| 465 | WHAT DO YOU MEAN? WELL, I DON'T GET IT |
| 466 | BUT SHE WANTED ME TO GIVE YOU HER PHONE NUMBER. |
| 467 | AND SHE JUST GAVE YOU THIS? |
| 468 | YEAH. |
| 469 | RACH, THANKS, BUT I DON'T NEED YOU DOING ME ANY FAVORS. |
| 470 | I DIDN'T. I DIDN'T. |
| 471 | SHE THOUGHT YOU WERE CUTE. |
| 472 | WELL, THAT I CAN BELIEVE. |
| 473 | YEAH. |
| 474 | HEY! IS THE SHOW STILL ON? |
| 475 | ALMOST OVER, MAN. |
| 476 | HEY, NONNI. |
| 477 | OH! IS THAT THE POPE? |
| 478 | WHY AM I LOOKING? |
| 479 | OH, NONNI, HERE I AM! LOOK! THIS IS MY BIG SCENE. |
| 480 | All right, back off! |
| 481 | Now, I got a gun. |
| 482 | I'm not afraid to use it. |
| 483 | OH, JOEY! |
| 484 | THAT'S RIGHT, NONNI. |
| 485 | YOU COULDN'T HAVE AT LEAST CHANGED YOUR SHIRT? |
| 486 | Now, I want a suitcase filled with $100,000... |
| 487 | ( duck quacking ) |
| 488 | Shoo! shoo! shoo! |
| 489 | ...filled with $100,000 in small bills. |
| 490 | And if I don't get... ( duck quacking ) |
| 491 | Shoo! |
| 492 | And if I don't get it... |
| 493 | I'm going to shoot this duck! |
| 494 | OH, NO! |
| 495 | I'm coming out. |
| 496 | AND SHE'S SUPPOSED TO BUY THIS? |
| 497 | JOEY, BRAVO! BRAVO! BELLISSIMO! OH! |
| 498 | Ground Control to Major Tom. |
| 499 | Commencing countdown. |
| 500 | Engines... |
| 501 | on. |
| 502 | THAT'S, UH, SCENES FROM NEXT WEEK'S SHOW. |
| 503 | NEXT WEEK. |
| 504 | I AM DEFINITELY GOING TO WATCH THAT. |
| 505 | WHAT ABOUT THESE? DO THESE LOOK THE SAME? |
| 506 | DEFINITELY. |
| 507 | NOT AS EACH OTHER. |
| 508 | OH. THEN, NO. |
| 509 | HEY, YOU READY? HI. YEAH. |
| 510 | YOU LOOK AMAZING. |
| 511 | I'M THE LUCKIEST MAN IN THE WORLD. |
| 512 | OH, YOU'RE ABOUT TO GET A LITTLE LUCKIER. |
| 513 | LET'S SEE THE EARRINGS. |
| 514 | OH, RIGHT. THE EARRINGS. |
| 515 | THEY LOOK GREAT. |
| 516 | DOES YOUR BOYFRIEND HAVE THE BEST TASTE OR WHAT? |
| 517 | MY BOYFRIEND REALLY DOES HAVE GREAT TASTE. |
| 518 | THANKS FOR PICKING OUT THE EARRINGS, MAN. MM-HMM. |
| 519 | |
| 1 | OKAY, GUYS, LISTEN. |
| 2 | DON'T FORGET THAT TOMORROW |
| 3 | IS THE DAY EMILY GETS MARRIED AGAIN |
| 4 | SO, WHATEVER WE DO |
| 5 | JUST TRY TO REALLY KEEP ROSS'S MIND OFF OF IT. |
| 6 | OH, YEAH, GOOD IDEA. |
| 7 | HEY, MAN, WHAT'S UP? |
| 8 | OH, JUST THINKING ABOUT EMILY GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW. |
| 9 | OH, ROSS, LOOK! LOOK! |
| 10 | WHAT? WHERE? |
| 11 | RIGHT OVER THERE. RIGHT THERE. |
| 12 | LOOK, LOOK, LOOK. |
| 13 | WHAT AM I LOOKING AT? |
| 14 | SOMEBODY HELP ME OUT HERE. |
| 15 | HEY. HELLO. |
| 16 | HI. HOW ARE YOU? |
| 17 | MONICA, SORRY I DIDN'T COME BY LAST NIGHT. |
| 18 | I WAS OUT WITH GARY. |
| 19 | HE LET ME RIDE AROUND WITH HIM IN HIS COP CAR. |
| 20 | WE SAW AND PREVENTED CRIMES. |
| 21 | YOU GOT TO GO ON A RIDE-ALONG? |
| 22 | UH-HUH. |
| 23 | I WANT TO GO ON A RIDE-ALONG. |
| 24 | ME, TOO. |
| 25 | OKAY. |
| 26 | YEAH, ME, TOO. |
| 27 | REALLY? YOU? |
| 28 | YEAH. |
| 29 | I MEAN, IT'S KIND OF DANGEROUS. |
| 30 | WELL, I LIKE DANGER. |
| 31 | OKAY, YOU GUYS FREE TONIGHT? |
| 32 | YEAH. YEAH. |
| 33 | TONIGHT? Y-YOU DIDN'T SAY |
| 34 | IT WAS GOING TO BE AT NIGHTTIME. |
| 35 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 36 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 37 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 38 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 39 | ♪ WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY, YOUR WEEK ♪ |
| 40 | ♪ YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 41 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 42 | ♪ WHEN THE RAIN STARTS TO POUR ♪ |
| 43 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 44 | ♪ LIKE I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE ♪ |
| 45 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 46 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME, TOO. ♪ |
| 47 | HEY. HEY. |
| 48 | I THOUGHT TONIGHT |
| 49 | WE COULD FINALLY ORGANIZE THESE PHOTOS. |
| 50 | OH, THANK GOD! |
| 51 | FINALLY! |
| 52 | OKAY. |
| 53 | I'VE BROKEN THEM DOWN INTO CATEGORIES, OKAY? |
| 54 | WE HAVE, UH, WE GOT HOLIDAYS, BIRTHDAYS, CANDIDS. |
| 55 | AND THEN WHAT I'VE DONE IS |
| 56 | I'VE CROSS-REFERENCED THEM BY SUBJECT, RIGHT? |
| 57 | SO IF YOU'RE LOOKING UP |
| 58 | LET'S SAY, "BIRTHDAYS" AND "DOGS" |
| 59 | YOU GET PHOTO 152. SEE? |
| 60 | OH, IT'S ME AND LAPOOH. |
| 61 | WOW, I MISS THAT DOG. |
| 62 | WELL, YOU CAN ALSO FIND HIM UNDER "DOG" AND "DEAD." |
| 63 | GREAT, THANKS. |
| 64 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 65 | HAND ME THAT OTHER BOX OF PHOTOS. |
| 66 | THAT'S THE VERY LAST ONE. |
| 67 | OKAY. |
| 68 | ( screams ) |
| 69 | OOPS. |
| 70 | SORRY. |
| 71 | WELL, GOOD THING YOU NUMBERED ALL OF THEM, HUH? |
| 72 | I HADN'T. PHOTO 152 WAS A PROTOTYPE. |
| 73 | OH, HONEY, HONEY, HONEY, IT'S OKAY, IT'S OKAY. |
| 74 | HONEY, HOW ABOUT I FIX YOU A DRINK, HUH? |
| 75 | MAYBE A MARGARITA? |
| 76 | ROSS HAS THE BLENDER. |
| 77 | OH, EVERYTHING'S JUST FALLING APART. |
| 78 | NO, HONEY, IT'S OKAY. |
| 79 | LISTEN, I'LL GO TO ROSS'S, GET THE BLENDER. |
| 80 | YOU GET ALL THE MARGARITA STUFF READY. |
| 81 | HIS KEYS ARE IN THE DRAWER. |
| 82 | YOU KNOW WHAT? ALSO, I NEED SOME CASH. |
| 83 | YOU WANT ME TO STOP AT THE A.T.M.? |
| 84 | NO. WHILE YOU'RE AT ROSS'S, IF YOU SEE ANY LYING AROUND. |
| 85 | WHAT? |
| 86 | WHAT? I-I-I DON'T, I DON'T DO THAT. |
| 87 | THAT WAS SO COOL, MAN, THAT WAY YOU LEANED ON THAT GUY. |
| 88 | IT IS STARTING TO GET DARK OUT THERE. |
| 89 | HE TOLD YOU EVERYTHING. |
| 90 | I MEAN, YOU TOTALLY CRACKED HIM. |
| 91 | YEAH, WELL, BEING THAT HE WAS THE VICTIM. |
| 92 | THEY'RE USUALLY PRETTY TALKATIVE. |
| 93 | OKAY, BUT IT IS OFFICIALLY NIGHTTIME. |
| 94 | ALL RIGHT, GARY, DO YOU WANT ME TO GRAB THE BERRY FOR YOU? |
| 95 | IT'S CALLED A CHERRY. |
| 96 | CHANDLER! |
| 97 | ( laughing ) |
| 98 | OKAY. |
| 99 | I GOT IT. |
| 100 | THIS PLACE MAKES THE BEST SANDWICH IN THE WORLD. |
| 101 | HEY, JOE, DOES IT HAVE MEATBALLS ON IT? |
| 102 | OH, YEAH. |
| 103 | MELTED CHEESE AND MARINARA SAUCE? |
| 104 | YUP. |
| 105 | YEAH, YOU CAN'T EAT THAT IN MY CAR. |
| 106 | YEAH, OKAY. |
| 107 | EVEN THOUGH MY TAX DOLLARS PAID FOR THIS CAR. |
| 108 | YOUR TAX DOLLARS? |
| 109 | YEAH, OKAY. |
| 110 | WOW, THAT SANDWICH REALLY DOES SMELL GOOD. |
| 111 | DID I SAY YOU COULD SMELL IT? |
| 112 | I CAN'T SMELL YOUR SANDWICH? |
| 113 | HALF THE TASTE IS IN THE SMELL. |
| 114 | YOU'RE SUCKING UP ALL THE TASTE UNITS. |
| 115 | OKAY, I'LL GIVE THEM BACK. |
| 116 | ( blowing air out nose ) |
| 117 | WHAT IS SO GREAT ABOUT THAT SANDWICH? |
| 118 | OKAY, IMAGINE THE BEST SEX YOU EVER HAD. |
| 119 | OKAY. |
| 120 | ARE YOU THINKING ABOUT MONICA? |
| 121 | YEAH. |
| 122 | YEAH, WHAT'S THAT LIKE? |
| 123 | ( yells ) |
| 124 | OH, PLEASE DON'T BE FROM A REAL DINOSAUR. |
| 125 | PLEASE, PLEASE. |
| 126 | PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE. |
| 127 | "MADE IN MEXICO." YES! |
| 128 | OH. WHO WOULD BUY THIS? |
| 129 | OH. |
| 130 | ( phone ringing ) |
| 131 | Monica: Rach, it's me. Pick up. |
| 132 | HEY, WHAT'S UP? |
| 133 | I need a few more things to make the margaritas. |
| 134 | UM, I NEED SOME, UH, SOME SALT, SOME MARGARITA MIX, AND TEQUILA. |
| 135 | SO ALL WE HAD WAS ICE? |
| 136 | SEE IF HE HAS ICE. |
| 137 | OKAY. |
| 138 | ( phone ringing ) |
| 139 | ( beeping ) |
| 140 | Hello, Ross? |
| 141 | It's Emily here. |
| 142 | I know this is out of the blue, but, um |
| 143 | I'm getting married tomorrow. |
| 144 | Well... maybe I am. |
| 145 | I keep thinking about you |
| 146 | and I'm wondering if we made a mistake |
| 147 | giving up so fast. |
| 148 | Are you thinking about me? |
| 149 | No, of course you're not. |
| 150 | But if you are, call me tonight. |
| 151 | Okay, bye. |
| 152 | OH! OH! |
| 153 | Ross: SO, WHERE WE GOING NEXT? |
| 154 | THIS WITNESS WON'T RETURN MY CALLS |
| 155 | SO WE'RE GOING TO SEE |
| 156 | IF WE CAN SURPRISE HIM COMING HOME. |
| 157 | S-SURPRISE HIM? |
| 158 | WE'RE NOT GOING TO MAKE ANYBODY MAD, ARE WE? |
| 159 | COME ON, MAN. |
| 160 | SO, YOU GOING TO SQUEEZE THE PERP'S SHOES A LITTLE BIT |
| 161 | BEFORE HE LAWYERS UP? |
| 162 | IT'S A WITNESS, NOT A PERP, AND NO ONE TALKS LIKE THAT. |
| 163 | YEAH, NO ONE TALKS LIKE THAT. |
| 164 | OH, WHAT? LIKE YOU'RE MR. COP? |
| 165 | HEY, I'M MORE COP THAN YOU TWO. |
| 166 | HOW DO YOU FIGURE THAT? |
| 167 | HELLO. |
| 168 | I'M IN THE FRONT SEAT, OKAY. |
| 169 | I'M GARY'S PARTNER. |
| 170 | YOU KNOW, WHEN YOU SAY "PARTNER" |
| 171 | IT DOESN'T SOUND COP. |
| 172 | IT SOUNDS GAY. |
| 173 | UM, JEALOUS. |
| 174 | HEY, DO YOU MIND? |
| 175 | WE'RE UNDERCOVER HERE. |
| 176 | OH, YEAH. NO PROBLEM. |
| 177 | ROSS. |
| 178 | SORRY, SORRY. |
| 179 | THERE. |
| 180 | HEY, GARY, WHO AM I? |
| 181 | ( imitating E.T. ): PHONE HOME. |
| 182 | LOOK AT OFFICER ROSS |
| 183 | RIDING BACK HERE WITH THE VISITORS. |
| 184 | YEAH, WHAT'S UP WITH THAT, SERPICO? |
| 185 | Emily: Are you thinking about me? |
| 186 | No, of course you're not. |
| 187 | But if you are, call me tonight. |
| 188 | Okay, bye. |
| 189 | NO! |
| 190 | I KNOW. |
| 191 | WELL, THANK GOD YOU WERE HERE. |
| 192 | I MEAN, WE HAVE TO ERASE THAT. |
| 193 | WHAT? WE CAN'T DO THAT. |
| 194 | WE HAVE TO. |
| 195 | WHAT IF ROSS HEARS THAT, AND THEN CALLS HER BACK |
| 196 | AND THEN THEY GET BACK TOGETHER? |
| 197 | IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT-- |
| 198 | ROSS BACK WITH THAT CONTROLLING |
| 199 | NEUROTIC, CRAZY EMILY? |
| 200 | EMILY THAT WOULDN'T LET HIM SEE YOU? |
| 201 | NO! OH, NO. NO. GOD, NO. |
| 202 | HE SHOULD NOT GET BACK TOGETHER WITH HER. |
| 203 | I MEAN, I KNOW THAT, YOU KNOW THAT |
| 204 | EVEN ROSS KNOWS THAT. |
| 205 | BUT THAT STILL DOESN'T GIVE US THE RIGHT TO ERASE HIS MESSAGE. |
| 206 | LOOK, I'M HIS SISTER, OKAY? AND I LOVE HIM. |
| 207 | I DON'T WANT TO SEE HIM GET HURT. |
| 208 | COME ON, DOESN'T THAT GIVE ME THE RIGHT TO CONTROL HIM...? |
| 209 | HELP HIM? |
| 210 | I DON'T THINK HE'S THE ONE WHO NEEDS HELP. |
| 211 | LOOK. SHE'S OBVIOUSLY UNSTABLE, OKAY? |
| 212 | SHE'S THINKING ABOUT RUNNING OUT ON HER WEDDING DAY. |
| 213 | OKAY, FINE. |
| 214 | BUT LOOK AT THE POSITION SHE'S PUTTING HIM IN. |
| 215 | WHAT'S HE'S GOING TO DO? |
| 216 | ROSS IS GOING TO RUN OVER THERE ON THE WEDDING DAY |
| 217 | AND BREAK UP THE MARRIAGE? |
| 218 | I MEAN, WHO WOULD DO THAT? |
| 219 | OKAY, FINE. ALL RIGHT? |
| 220 | BUT, THAT'S, YOU KNOW, THAT WAS DIFFERENT. |
| 221 | ALTHOUGH IT DID INVOLVE A LOT OF THE SAME PEOPLE. |
| 222 | OH...! |
| 223 | THIS IS OBVIOUSLY |
| 224 | SOME TWISTED JOKE SHE'S TRYING TO PLAY ON HIM. |
| 225 | OKAY, YOU ARE CRAZY. |
| 226 | I'M SORRY, BUT SHE SOUNDED GENUINELY UPSET. |
| 227 | I MEAN, LISTEN. |
| 228 | Male voice: Your messages have been erased. |
| 229 | NO! |
| 230 | OKAY, BUT YOU KNOW, W-WE'RE SAFE, RIGHT? |
| 231 | I MEAN, NOTHING BAD IS GOING TO GO DOWN? |
| 232 | Gary: NO. |
| 233 | BUT THAT REMINDS ME. SIGN THIS. |
| 234 | WHAT IS IT? |
| 235 | IT'S NOTHING. |
| 236 | IT SAYS YOU CAN'T SUE THE CITY |
| 237 | IF YOU SCRAPE YOUR KNEE |
| 238 | OR, YOU KNOW, GET YOUR HEAD BLOWN OFF. |
| 239 | OH, HURRY UP. |
| 240 | I WANT TO SIGN THAT. |
| 241 | OKAY, HERE HE COMES. |
| 242 | Gary: WHAT IS HE DOING? |
| 243 | WHAT THE HELL IS HE DOING? |
| 244 | WHAT IS IT? IS EVERYTHING OKAY? |
| 245 | WHAT'S GOING ON? |
| 246 | OKAY, HE SEES US. DON'T MOVE. |
| 247 | AND DON'T LOOK AT HIM. |
| 248 | ( loud bang ) |
| 249 | HEY, IT'S OKAY. |
| 250 | IT WAS JUST A CAR BACKFIRE. |
| 251 | HEY, LOOK AT THAT. |
| 252 | YOU TRIED TO SAVE YOUR BUDDY. |
| 253 | YOU SEE THAT? |
| 254 | YOU SEE WHAT HE DID? |
| 255 | YOU OKAY, MAN? |
| 256 | UH-HUH. |
| 257 | THANKS, JOEY. |
| 258 | UH, HELLO! |
| 259 | WHAT? |
| 260 | I GUESS WE SHOULD GO. |
| 261 | NO. WAIT, WAIT. |
| 262 | OH, YEAH, RIGHT. |
| 263 | NO. MONICA... |
| 264 | MONICA, WE HAVE TO FIX THIS. |
| 265 | THERE'S NOTHING WE CAN DO. |
| 266 | YOU'VE ERASED THE MESSAGE. |
| 267 | YEAH, WELL, UNLESS WE TELL HIM. |
| 268 | LOOK, IF YOU'RE GOING TO BE TOTALLY RATIONAL ABOUT THIS |
| 269 | I CAN'T ARGUE WITH YOU. |
| 270 | ALL RIGHT? |
| 271 | FINE. IF YOU WANT TO TELL HIM, TELL HIM. |
| 272 | I JUST, I DON'T WANT TO BE A PART OF IT. |
| 273 | ( phone ringing ) |
| 274 | OH! MAYBE THAT'S EMILY CALLING BACK |
| 275 | TO LEAVE THE EXACT SAME MESSAGE. |
| 276 | Ross: Hey, Ross, it's you. |
| 277 | I just want you to remember this feeling. |
| 278 | You are lucky to be alive |
| 279 | so live every day to the fullest. |
| 280 | Love yourself, okay? Okay. |
| 281 | Oh, and also, get stamps. Bye. |
| 282 | WOW. PLAY THAT MESSAGE FOR EMILY |
| 283 | AND THIS WHOLE PROBLEM GOES AWAY. |
| 284 | OH, RIGHT. |
| 285 | HEY, ANYBODY WANT TO MEET A HERO? |
| 286 | JOHN GLENN IS HERE? |
| 287 | NO, JOEY. |
| 288 | PHEEBS, WE HAD THE MOST INCREDIBLE NIGHT. |
| 289 | OKAY, SO, WE'RE IN THE CAR... |
| 290 | WAIT, HOLD ON. |
| 291 | HI. HI. |
| 292 | OKAY, GO AHEAD. |
| 293 | OKAY, OKAY |
| 294 | SO, WE'RE IN THE CAR, RIGHT? |
| 295 | AND BANG! A SHOT WAS FIRED |
| 296 | AND JOEY, WITH NO REGARD FOR HIS OWN SAFETY |
| 297 | THROWS HIMSELF ON ME. |
| 298 | OH, MY GOD, JOEY. |
| 299 | IT WAS A CAR BACKFIRE. |
| 300 | YEAH, BUT HE DIDN'T KNOW THAT. |
| 301 | YEAH, I DIDN'T KNOW THAT. |
| 302 | AND IT COULD HAVE JUST AS EASILY HAVE BEEN A BULLET. |
| 303 | HEY, JOEY, EVER THINK ABOUT JOINING THE FORCE? |
| 304 | WE COULD USE A GUY LIKE YOU. |
| 305 | WHO JUMPS AT LOUD NOISES. |
| 306 | WOW. |
| 307 | I COULD HAVE DIED TONIGHT. |
| 308 | YEAH, IF THE CAR THAT BACKFIRED HAD RUN OVER YOU. |
| 309 | YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 310 | I'M GOING TO GO HOME BEFORE ROSS STARTS RAMBLING |
| 311 | ABOUT HIS NEWFOUND RESPECT FOR LIFE. |
| 312 | I DO HAVE A NEWFOUND RESPECT FOR LIFE. |
| 313 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 314 | SO, YOU WANT TO GET SOME DINNER? |
| 315 | YEAH, SURE. |
| 316 | YEAH. OH, YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 317 | IF I HEARD A SHOT RIGHT NOW, I'D THROW MY BODY ON YOU. |
| 318 | OH, YEAH? WELL, MAYBE YOU AND I |
| 319 | SHOULD TAKE A WALK IN A BAD NEIGHBORHOOD. |
| 320 | OKAY. ALL RIGHT. |
| 321 | BYE. |
| 322 | BYE. BYE. |
| 323 | CUT IT OUT, ROSS. |
| 324 | I'D HATE TO HAVE TO SAVE YOUR LIFE |
| 325 | AND KICK YOUR ASS IN THE SAME DAY. |
| 326 | DUDE? |
| 327 | HOW COME YOU TOOK OFF? |
| 328 | OH, JUST GOING FOR A WALK. |
| 329 | AROUND THE LIVING ROOM. WHATEVER. |
| 330 | IS SOMETHING WRONG? |
| 331 | NO. NO, I'M JUST TIRED. |
| 332 | YOU KNOW, FROM THE WALK. |
| 333 | OH. OKAY. |
| 334 | YOU DOVE IN FRONT OF ROSS. |
| 335 | ROSS. |
| 336 | THAT'S WHAT THIS IS ABOUT. |
| 337 | OH, MY GOD. YOU HATE ROSS. |
| 338 | I DON'T HATE ROSS. |
| 339 | OF COURSE YOU DO. |
| 340 | I SAVED HIM. YOU'RE MAD AT ME. |
| 341 | IT ALL ADDS UP. |
| 342 | YOU WANT ROSS OUT OF THE PICTURE. |
| 343 | WHAT PICTURE? |
| 344 | I DON'T KNOW, BUT I DON'T LIKE WHAT I'M HEARING. |
| 345 | LOOK, I'M VERY GLAD THAT YOU SAVED ROSS FROM THE CAR BACKFIRE |
| 346 | BUT IT COULD HAVE BEEN A BULLET |
| 347 | AND, YOU KNOW, YOU DIDN'T TRY TO SAVE ME. |
| 348 | OH. |
| 349 | YOU'RE UPSET BECAUSE YOU THINK I CHOSE ROSS OVER YOU. |
| 350 | NO. I KNEW YOU COULD TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. |
| 351 | YOU KNOW? |
| 352 | I MEAN, ROSS, HE NEEDS HELP. |
| 353 | HE'S NOT STREET LIKE US. |
| 354 | COME ON, WHAT IT COMES DOWN TO |
| 355 | IS YOU WOULD RISK YOUR LIFE FOR ROSS |
| 356 | BEFORE YOU WOULD FOR ME. |
| 357 | THAT'S THE BOTTOM LINE. |
| 358 | N-NO, NOT EXACTLY. |
| 359 | ALL RIGHT, LOOK. I... |
| 360 | I WASN'T TRYING TO SAVE ROSS |
| 361 | OKAY? |
| 362 | MY SANDWICH WAS NEXT TO ROSS. |
| 363 | ALL RIGHT? |
| 364 | I WA... I WAS TRYING TO SAVE MY SANDWICH. |
| 365 | FROM A BULLET? |
| 366 | I KNOW IT DOESN'T MAKE MUCH SENSE. |
| 367 | MUCH SENSE? |
| 368 | CHANDLER, IT WAS INSTINCT, OKAY? |
| 369 | I JUST WENT FOR IT. |
| 370 | SO YOU RISKED YOUR LIFE FOR A SANDWICH? |
| 371 | I KNOW IT SOUNDS CRAZY, BUT, CHANDLER |
| 372 | THIS IS THE GREATEST SANDWICH IN THE WORLD. |
| 373 | SO YOU DIDN'T, UH, CHOOSE ROSS BEFORE ME? |
| 374 | NO. I WOULD NEVER DO THAT. |
| 375 | YOU'RE LIKE MY BROTHER. |
| 376 | REALLY? |
| 377 | YEAH. IN FACT |
| 378 | TO PROVE HOW MUCH YOU MEAN TO ME... |
| 379 | HERE. |
| 380 | THANKS. |
| 381 | OH, EASY, IT'S NOT A HOT DOG. |
| 382 | HOW GOOD IS THAT? |
| 383 | ( garbled ): OH, YEAH. |
| 384 | SEE? MM-HMM. |
| 385 | OH, DUDE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? |
| 386 | I THOUGHT YOU WERE SHOWING ME HOW MUCH I MEAN TO YOU. |
| 387 | YEAH. WITH A BITE. |
| 388 | ( chuckling ): GEEZ! |
| 389 | ( keys jingling ) |
| 390 | HEY, HI. |
| 391 | RACH, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? |
| 392 | HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 393 | YOU ARE IN OUR APARTMENT ALL THE TIME, OKAY? |
| 394 | THIS IS JUST A DROP IN THE BUCKET, MISTER. |
| 395 | YOU KNOW, IT DOESN'T MATTER. |
| 396 | THE IMPORTANT THING IS THAT YOU'RE HERE. |
| 397 | YOU'RE MY FRIEND, AND YOU'RE HERE. |
| 398 | HUH. OKAY. JUST A LITTLE SCARED. |
| 399 | WHAT'S GOING ON, ROSS? |
| 400 | THE MOST AMAZING THING HAPPENED TONIGHT. |
| 401 | I THOUGHT MY NUMBER WAS UP. |
| 402 | I HAD AN ACTUAL NEAR-DEATH EXPERIENCE. |
| 403 | WHAT?! WHAT HAPPENED? |
| 404 | WE WERE ON THE RIDE-ALONG WITH GARY, RIGHT? |
| 405 | AND SOMEBODY TOOK A SHOT AT ME. |
| 406 | ( gasping ) |
| 407 | REALLY? |
| 408 | NO, A CAR BACKFIRED, BUT... |
| 409 | I THOUGHT SOMEBODY WAS TAKING A SHOT AT ME |
| 410 | AND, RACH, I, I SURVIVED. |
| 411 | AND I WAS FILLED WITH |
| 412 | THIS, THIS GREAT RESPECT FOR LIFE. |
| 413 | YOU KNOW, I WANT TO EXPERIENCE EVERY MOMENT. |
| 414 | I WANT TO SEIZE EVERY OPPORTUNITY. |
| 415 | I AM SEEING EVERYTHING SO, SO CLEARLY NOW. |
| 416 | BECAUSE A CAR BACKFIRED? |
| 417 | OKAY, WHY ARE YOU HERE? |
| 418 | WELL, I DON'T KNOW HOW THIS FITS INTO YOUR WHOLE SEIZING THING |
| 419 | BUT, UM, EMILY CALLED YOU TODAY. |
| 420 | YOU TALKED TO HER? |
| 421 | NO, SHE LEFT A MESSAGE. |
| 422 | BUT IT KIND OF GOT ERASED. |
| 423 | I MEAN, THERE'S... |
| 424 | SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOUR MACHINE. |
| 425 | OKAY, WHAT DID SHE SAY? |
| 426 | WELL, UM, SOMETHING |
| 427 | ABOUT HAVING SECOND THOUGHTS ABOUT THE WEDDING |
| 428 | AND DID YOU GUYS MAKE A MISTAKE BREAKING UP, AND, UH |
| 429 | SHE WANTS YOU TO CALL HER. |
| 430 | WOW. |
| 431 | NOW THAT WAS A GOOD THING THAT I TOLD YOU, RIGHT? |
| 432 | HUH? YEAH. YES. |
| 433 | OF COURSE. |
| 434 | OKAY, THANK YOU. |
| 435 | THANK YOU, BECAUSE |
| 436 | I'M GOING TO JUST GO TELL MONICA THAT I WAS RIGHT. |
| 437 | BECAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 438 | SHE DIDN'T WANT... NOT IMPORTANT. |
| 439 | THE POINT IS, I WAS RIGHT. |
| 440 | YOUR DECISION. |
| 441 | OKAY? I WAS RIGHT. |
| 442 | YOUR DECISION. |
| 443 | RIGHT. |
| 444 | I GUESS I SHOULD CALL EMILY. |
| 445 | OKAY. NO, THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT DECISION. |
| 446 | THAT'S NOT RIGHT. |
| 447 | ROSS, COME ON. |
| 448 | I MEAN, THAT WOMAN MADE YOU MISERABLE. |
| 449 | OKAY, ROSS |
| 450 | DO YOU REALLY WANT TO GET BACK INTO THAT? |
| 451 | OKAY, LOOK, YESTERDAY |
| 452 | I WOULDN'T HAVE EVEN CONSIDERED CALLING HER BACK |
| 453 | BUT MY EX-WIFE CALLS |
| 454 | ON THE SAME DAY I HAVE A NEAR-DEATH EXPERIENCE? |
| 455 | I MEAN, THAT'S GOT TO MEAN SOMETHING, RIGHT? |
| 456 | ROSS, THAT WAS NOT A NEAR-DEATH EXPERIENCE. |
| 457 | THAT WAS BARELY AN EXPERIENCE. |
| 458 | YOU WEREN'T THERE. |
| 459 | OKAY, MAYBE THIS IS SOMETHING I'M SUPPOSED TO SEIZE, YOU KNOW? |
| 460 | OKAY. YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 461 | MAYBE THIS IS NOT ABOUT SEIZING STUFF. |
| 462 | MAYBE THIS IS ABOUT ESCAPING STUFF. |
| 463 | OKAY, I MEAN, LOOK AT TODAY. |
| 464 | I MEAN, YOU ESCAPED... |
| 465 | DEATH... |
| 466 | YOU KNOW? |
| 467 | AND MAYBE THIS IS A CHANCE FOR YOU TO ESCAPE |
| 468 | GETTING BACK TOGETHER WITH EMILY. |
| 469 | THAT DOES MAKE SENSE. |
| 470 | BECAUSE I DO |
| 471 | WANT TO SEIZE SOME OPPORTUNITY |
| 472 | BUT I REALLY DON'T WANT TO SEE OR TALK TO HER. |
| 473 | THEN, THERE YOU GO. |
| 474 | YEAH. |
| 475 | YEAH, MAYBE TODAY'S JUST... |
| 476 | CLOSE CALL DAY. |
| 477 | HEY, THANKS, RACH. |
| 478 | OH, HONEY, NO PROBLEM. |
| 479 | OKAY. WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. |
| 480 | THE MESSAGE IS BLINKING. |
| 481 | MAYBE YOU DIDN'T ERASE IT. |
| 482 | OH? |
| 483 | Hey, Ross, it's you. |
| 484 | OH, YEAH. |
| 485 | THAT'S AN OLD MESSAGE. |
| 486 | NOBODY NEEDS TO HEAR THAT. |
| 487 | HEY, UM, WAS MONICA HERE? |
| 488 | YEAH. |
| 489 | YEAH, I WANT MY MONEY BACK. |
| 490 | YEAH, UM, YOU PROBABLY NEED THAT FOR STAMPS, RIGHT? |
| 491 | HAS GARY EVER BEEN SHOT AT FOR REAL? |
| 492 | YES, ONCE. |
| 493 | YEAH. |
| 494 | A LITTLE. |
| 495 | HE KIND OF DID IT TO HIMSELF. |
| 496 | IT'S NOT REALLY A GOOD STORY. |
| 497 | I WONDER HOW I'D REACT UNDER FIRE, YOU KNOW? |
| 498 | AND NOT BACKFIRE, BUT HEAVY FIRE. |
| 499 | LIKE IF I WAS IN A WAR OR SOMETHING. |
| 500 | MAN, I WOULD BE GREAT IN A WAR. |
| 501 | I MEAN, I THINK I WOULD MAKE A FANTASTIC MILITARY LEADER. |
| 502 | I MEAN, I KNOW I WOULD MAKE GENERAL |
| 503 | BEFORE ANY OF YOU GUYS. |
| 504 | BEFORE OR AFTER YOU WERE SHOT BY YOUR OWN TROOPS? |
| 505 | I KNOW WHERE JOEY WOULD BE. |
| 506 | HE'D BE IN THE FOXHOLE |
| 507 | PROTECTING ALL OF US. |
| 508 | YES, IF THE FOXHOLE WAS LINED WITH SANDWICHES. |
| 509 | YEAH, HERO SANDWICHES. |
| 510 | WELL, YOU ALL KNOW THAT I'M A PACIFIST |
| 511 | SO I'M NOT INTERESTED IN WAR IN ANY WAY |
| 512 | BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 513 | WHEN THE REVOLUTION COMES, I WILL HAVE TO DESTROY YOU ALL. |
| 514 | NOT YOU, JOEY. |
| 515 | [Captioned by The Caption Center WGBH Educational Foundation] |
| 516 | |
| 1 | I'M GETTING COFFEE TO GO. BABY DOLL? |
| 2 | I'M FINE. THANKS. |
| 3 | YEAH, SEE, I CAN'T PULL OFF "BABY DOLL," CAN I? |
| 4 | NO. I THINK WE LEARNED THAT FROM |
| 5 | THE "SUGAR LIPS" INCIDENT. |
| 6 | I'M GOING TO MAKE SOME TEA. |
| 7 | HOW YOU DOING, PUNKIN'? |
| 8 | NOPE. |
| 9 | IT LOOKS LIKE IT'S GOING REALLY WELL FOR YOU TWO, HUH? |
| 10 | REALLY WELL. IN FACT... |
| 11 | I'M GOING TO ASK PHOEBE TO MOVE IN WITH ME. |
| 12 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 13 | WHAT DO YOU THINK? |
| 14 | THAT IS SO GREAT. |
| 15 | WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO ASK HER? |
| 16 | TONIGHT, BUT DON'T SAY ANYTHING, OKAY? |
| 17 | I SWEAR. I PROMISE, I PROMISE. |
| 18 | MY GOD, I'M SO EXCITED. |
| 19 | ALL RIGHT, BUT LISTEN, LET ME TELL YOU: |
| 20 | DO NOT GET HER FLOWERS, OKAY? |
| 21 | BECAUSE, YOU KNOW, SHE CRIES WHEN THEY DIE |
| 22 | AND THEN THERE'S THE WHOLE FUNERAL... |
| 23 | I'LL SEE YOU AFTER WORK, SWEETIE. |
| 24 | OKAY. BYE. |
| 25 | SO, WHAT MOVIE SHOULD WE SEE? |
| 26 | GARY'S GOING TO ASK YOU TO MOVE IN WITH HIM! |
| 27 | WHAT? REALLY? |
| 28 | HE JUST TOLD ME AT THE COUNTER. |
| 29 | HE MADE ME PROMISE NOT TO TELL |
| 30 | BUT I COULDN'T HOLD IT ANY LONGER. |
| 31 | I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS. |
| 32 | RIGHT, BUT BECAUSE IT'S FAST. |
| 33 | BECAUSE IT'S SO FAST. IT'S FAST. |
| 34 | RELAX. IT'S PHOEBE, NOT YOU. |
| 35 | OH. GOOD FOR YOU, PHEEBS. WAY TO GO. |
| 36 | BUT IT IS FAST, ISN'T IT? |
| 37 | OH... |
| 38 | I LIKE HIM A LOT, BUT I'M NOT READY. |
| 39 | WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO? |
| 40 | I DON'T KNOW. I'LL JUST HANDLE IT. |
| 41 | I'LL ASK YOU TO TALK TO HIM. |
| 42 | ME? WHY ME? |
| 43 | BECAUSE YOU ARE SO AFRAID OF COMMITMENT. |
| 44 | YOU TALK TO HIM. |
| 45 | MAKE HIM SCARED LIKE YOU. |
| 46 | MAKE HIM A-A MAN. |
| 47 | WELL, YOU KNOW, I'LL TRY |
| 48 | BUT I'M NOT SURE WHAT GOOD IT WOULD DO, YOU KNOW |
| 49 | BECAUSE I'M A LOT LESS AFRAID OF COMMITMENT |
| 50 | THAN I USED TO BE. |
| 51 | OH, THAT IS SO SWEET. |
| 52 | STILL TERRIFIED. |
| 53 | I'LL TAKE CARE OF IT. NO PROBLEM. |
| 54 | ( chuckling ) |
| 55 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 56 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 57 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 58 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 59 | ♪ WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY, YOUR WEEK ♪ |
| 60 | ♪ YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 61 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 62 | ♪ WHEN THE RAIN STARTS TO POUR ♪ |
| 63 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 64 | ♪ LIKE I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE ♪ |
| 65 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 66 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME, TOO. ♪ |
| 67 | HEY, ROSS, IS, UH... |
| 68 | IS STATEN ISLAND REALLY AN ISLAND? |
| 69 | UH-HUH. |
| 70 | THAT'S WHY THEY CALL IT STATEN ISLAND. |
| 71 | OH. I THOUGHT IT WAS LIKE LONG ISLAND. |
| 72 | ALSO AN ISLAND. |
| 73 | HEY, WHAT TIME IS IT? |
| 74 | 2:17. |
| 75 | WOW, YOU REALIZE WE'VE BEEN THROWING THIS BALL |
| 76 | WITHOUT DROPPING IT FOR, LIKE, AN HOUR? |
| 77 | ARE YOU SERIOUS? |
| 78 | I REALIZED IT A HALF HOUR AGO, BUT DIDN'T WANT TO SAY ANYTHING |
| 79 | 'CAUSE I DIDN'T WANT TO JINX IT. |
| 80 | OH. |
| 81 | WOW, WE ARE PRETTY GOOD AT THIS. |
| 82 | ( chuckling ): YEAH. |
| 83 | HEY... WE TOTALLY FORGOT ABOUT LUNCH. |
| 84 | OH. I THINK THAT'S THE FIRST TIME I'VE EVER MISSED A MEAL. |
| 85 | YEAH? |
| 86 | YEAH. I THINK MY PANTS ARE A LITTLE LOOSE. |
| 87 | HEY, YOU GUYS, UH... IS MONICA HERE? |
| 88 | NO. NO. ALL RIGHT, LISTEN |
| 89 | I JUST BOUGHT SOMETHING. |
| 90 | I'M NOT SURE SHE'S GOING TO LIKE IT |
| 91 | AND IT'S GOING TO SEEM A LITTLE CRAZY |
| 92 | BUT THIS IS SOMETHING I'VE WANTED |
| 93 | SINCE I WAS A LITTLE GIRL. |
| 94 | YOU BOUGHT SHAUN CASSIDY! |
| 95 | NO. I WISH. |
| 96 | OKAY... YOU READY? |
| 97 | YEAH. YEAH. |
| 98 | OKAY. |
| 99 | CHECK IT OUT. |
| 100 | OH, MY GOD! WHAT-WHAT IS... |
| 101 | WHAT THE HELL IS THAT? |
| 102 | IT'S-IT'S A CAT. |
| 103 | THAT IS NOT A CAT. |
| 104 | YES, IT IS. |
| 105 | WHY IS IT INSIDE OUT? |
| 106 | EXCUSE ME |
| 107 | BUT THIS IS A PUREBRED, SHOW-QUALITY SPHINX CAT. |
| 108 | HOW MUCH DID YOU PAY FOR THAT? |
| 109 | IT WAS EXTRAVAGANT, BUT I GOT A PRETTY GOOD DEAL. |
| 110 | YEAH? HOW MUCH? |
| 111 | A THOUSAND BUCKS. |
| 112 | ON A CAT?! |
| 113 | IT'S NOT A CAT. |
| 114 | WHAT...? |
| 115 | ALL RIGHT, LISTEN, BALL BOYS |
| 116 | MY GRANDMOTHER HAD ONE OF THESE WHEN I WAS A LITTLE GIRL |
| 117 | AND IT WAS THE SWEETEST THING. |
| 118 | I MEAN, IT WAS SO CUTE. |
| 119 | IT WOULD SIT IN MY LAP AND JUST PURR ALL DAY LONG |
| 120 | AND I WOULD DRAG A SHOESTRING ON THE GROUND |
| 121 | AND IT WOULD CHASE IT. |
| 122 | FREE CATS DO THAT, TOO, YOU KNOW. |
| 123 | IT'S NOT A CAT! |
| 124 | LOOK, YOU GUYS, I'M REALLY EXCITED ABOUT THIS, OKAY? |
| 125 | I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU THINK. |
| 126 | I'M GOING TO GO SET UP A LITTER BOX FOR MRS. WHISKERSON. |
| 127 | WELL, WHAT AM I GOING TO CALL HER-- FLUFFY? |
| 128 | YOU WANT TO GET SOMETHING TO EAT |
| 129 | OR TO SEE HOW LONG |
| 130 | WE CAN THROW THIS BALL BACK AND FORTH, HUH? |
| 131 | UH... THE BALL THING. |
| 132 | YEAH? |
| 133 | HEY, ROSS, WOULDN'T IT BE GREAT |
| 134 | IF WE COULD GO FOR, LIKE, TWO STRAIGHT HOURS |
| 135 | WITHOUT DROPPING IT? |
| 136 | UH... YEAH, IT WOULD. |
| 137 | LET'S DO IT. |
| 138 | OKAY. |
| 139 | UH-OH. |
| 140 | WHAT? |
| 141 | I HAVE TO PEE |
| 142 | AND RACHEL'S IN THE BATHROOM. |
| 143 | MAN, I DIDN'T THINK WE WERE GOING TO MAKE IT. |
| 144 | I KNOW. |
| 145 | DON'T SWITCH HANDS, OKAY? |
| 146 | HEY, LADIES, WHAT ARE YOU IN HERE FOR? |
| 147 | ( laughs ) |
| 148 | HEY, CHANDLER, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? |
| 149 | GARY, I AM HERE |
| 150 | TO REPORT A CRIME. |
| 151 | YEAH? IT IS A CRIME WE DON'T SPEND MORE TIME TOGETHER. |
| 152 | ( mock chuckle ): WHAT'S UP? |
| 153 | UH, WELL, I HEARD THAT YOU WERE THINKING ABOUT |
| 154 | ASKING PHOEBE TO MOVE IN WITH YOU |
| 155 | AND I THOUGHT MAYBE WE SHOULD HAVE A TALK |
| 156 | YOU KNOW, MAN-TO... WELL, ME. |
| 157 | SURE. OKAY. |
| 158 | OKAY. |
| 159 | UM, ARE YOU CRAZY? |
| 160 | ARE YOU INSANE? |
| 161 | IF YOU LIVE WITH PHOEBE |
| 162 | YOU TWO ARE GOING TO BE YOU KNOW, L-LIVING TOGETHER. |
| 163 | YEAH. I CONSIDERED THAT. |
| 164 | I JUST KNOW IT'D MAKE ME HAPPY. |
| 165 | ( laughs ): YOU MEAN SCARED. |
| 166 | NO, I MEAN HAPPY. |
| 167 | WELL, "SCARED HAPPY." |
| 168 | CHANDLER, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? |
| 169 | I AM TRYING TO OPEN YOUR EYES, MY MAN. |
| 170 | DON'T YOU SEE? |
| 171 | IF YOU LIVE WITH PHOEBE |
| 172 | SHE'S ALWAYS GOING TO BE THERE. |
| 173 | YOU'RE GOING TO GET HOME-- SHE'S THERE. |
| 174 | YOU GO TO BED-- SHE'S THERE. |
| 175 | YOU WAKE UP, AND, OH, YES-- SHE'S THERE. |
| 176 | I KNOW. I CAN'T WAIT. |
| 177 | WERE YOUR PARENTS HAPPY OR SOMETHING? |
| 178 | LISTEN, CHANDLER, THE WAY I SEE IT IS |
| 179 | I WAS LUCKY ENOUGH TO FIND SOMEONE I REALLY LOVE. |
| 180 | I JUST... I WANT TO BE AROUND HER AS MUCH AS I CAN. |
| 181 | WOW, YOU KNOW, WHEN YOU SAY IT |
| 182 | IT DOESN'T SOUND SO SCARY. |
| 183 | YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT. |
| 184 | YEAH, I THINK I DO. |
| 185 | YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 186 | YOU MOVE IN WITH HER. |
| 187 | YOU MOVE IN WITH HER RIGHT NOW. |
| 188 | MAYBE I SHOULD MOVE IN WITH MONICA. |
| 189 | NO, IT'S TOO SOON FOR YOU GUYS. |
| 190 | ( chuckling ): YOU'RE RIGHT ABOUT THAT. |
| 191 | NOW, WHEN THEY FOUND THE REMAINS |
| 192 | OF THE MESOZOIC MASTODON |
| 193 | THEY DISCOVERED WHAT APPEARED TO BE |
| 194 | THE REMAINS OF A PALEOZOIC AMPHIBIAN IN ITS JAWS. |
| 195 | HOW DID IT GET THERE? |
| 196 | MAYBE THIS SHOULD BE MORE OF A QUIET GAME. |
| 197 | HEY, GUYS. |
| 198 | HEY. |
| 199 | I LEFT MY WATCH ON THE COUNTER LAST NIGHT. |
| 200 | IT WAS RIGHT HERE. WHERE IS IT? |
| 201 | I DON'T KNOW. |
| 202 | ALL RIGHT, WELL, COME ON. I'M LATE FOR WORK. |
| 203 | HOW DO YOU KNOW? YOU DON'T HAVE A WATCH. |
| 204 | GUYS, COULD YOU PLEASE JUST STOP THROWING THE BALL FOR ONE MINUTE |
| 205 | AND JUST HELP ME FIND IT? |
| 206 | OH, I DON'T KNOW. |
| 207 | YEAH, CAN'T DO IT. |
| 208 | NO! D... |
| 209 | AAH! AAH! |
| 210 | WHAT? |
| 211 | MONICA, WHATEVER YOU DO, DO NOT DROP THAT BALL. |
| 212 | YEAH. WE HAVEN'T DROPPED IT IN... |
| 213 | TWO HOURS, 27 MINUTES. |
| 214 | REALLY? |
| 215 | I'M NOT GOING TO BE ABLE TO MAKE IT INTO WORK TODAY. |
| 216 | ( congested voice ): UM, I DON'T FEEL VERY GOOD. |
| 217 | YES! |
| 218 | WOW, UH, FOR A SECOND THERE |
| 219 | I THOUGHT I WAS FEELING BETTER, BUT I'M NOT. |
| 220 | BYE. |
| 221 | Ross: HEY, RACH. |
| 222 | HEY. |
| 223 | CHECK IT OUT-- |
| 224 | ALMOST THREE HOURS WITHOUT DROPPING IT. |
| 225 | WHOO. |
| 226 | OH, WOW. CONGRATULATIONS. |
| 227 | THAT'S QUITE A WASTE OF TIME. |
| 228 | RACH? YEAH? |
| 229 | YOU HAVE SCRATCHES ALL OVER. WHAT HAPPENED? |
| 230 | WELL, IT'S MY CAT. |
| 231 | WHAT? |
| 232 | OH, YEAH. I GOT A CAT. |
| 233 | I DON'T WANT A CAT. |
| 234 | OH, DON'T WORRY. IT'S NOT A CAT. |
| 235 | YEAH. |
| 236 | YOU GUYS |
| 237 | THIS CAT IS NOTHING LIKE MY GRANDMOTHER'S CAT. |
| 238 | I MEAN, IT'S NOT SWEET; IT'S NOT CUTE. |
| 239 | I EVEN DRAGGED THAT LITTLE STRING ON THE GROUND |
| 240 | AND IT J-JUST FLIPPED OUT AND SCRATCHED THE HELL OUT OF ME... |
| 241 | AND I SWEAR-- I KNOW THIS SOUNDS CRAZY-- |
| 242 | BUT EVERY TIME THIS CAT HISSES AT ME |
| 243 | I KNOW IT'S SAYING: |
| 244 | ( whispering ): "RACHEL." |
| 245 | DOESN'T SOUND AS CRAZY AS PAYING $1,000 FOR A CAT. |
| 246 | WHA...! YOU PAID $1,000 FOR A CAT |
| 247 | WHEN YOU OWE ME $300? |
| 248 | WELL, I... I WAS GOING TO LET YOU PLAY WITH IT. |
| 249 | HEY. |
| 250 | MM... DID YOU TALK |
| 251 | TO GARY ABOUT THE MOVING IN THING? |
| 252 | YES, I DID, AND I THINK YOU SHOULD DO IT. |
| 253 | WHAT? |
| 254 | HE'S A GREAT GUY, YOU KNOW, AND HE LOVES YOU A LOT. |
| 255 | YOU ARE A VERY LUCKY LADY. |
| 256 | YOU ARE USELESS. |
| 257 | FREAKING OUT ABOUT COMMITMENT IS THE ONE THING YOU CAN DO-- |
| 258 | THE ONE THING-- AND YOU CAN'T EVEN DO THAT RIGHT. |
| 259 | GOD. I'M SORRY. |
| 260 | IF HE ASKED ME, I'D MOVE IN WITH HIM. |
| 261 | OH! |
| 262 | GOD. |
| 263 | OOH, GET OUT OF HERE, YOU GOOD-FOR-NOTHING. |
| 264 | HEY, CHANDLER. |
| 265 | HEY, GAR. |
| 266 | HEY, SWEETIE. |
| 267 | HI. CAN I TALK TO YOU FOR A SECOND? |
| 268 | YEAH... 'KAY. |
| 269 | YOU LOOK VERY PRETTY TODAY. |
| 270 | THANKS. OKAY. |
| 271 | HERE'S THE THING-- YEAH? |
| 272 | I REALLY WANT THIS RELATIONSHIP TO MOVE FORWARD... MM-HMM. |
| 273 | BECAUSE IF YOU'RE NOT MOVING FORWARD |
| 274 | YOU KNOW, YOU'RE JUST MOVING BACKWARDS. |
| 275 | NOW, THAT'S NOT TRUE. |
| 276 | IF YOU'RE NOT MOVING FORWARD, YOU'RE JUST STAYING STILL |
| 277 | AND STAYING STILL IS GOOD. |
| 278 | WATCH THIS. |
| 279 | PHOEBE? |
| 280 | YEAH? |
| 281 | I WANT YOU TO MOVE IN WITH ME. |
| 282 | THAT IS SO SWEET |
| 283 | BUT DON'T YOU THINK THAT IT'S A LITTLE TOO SOON? |
| 284 | THERE'S JUST SO MUCH |
| 285 | THAT WE DON'T KNOW ABOUT EACH OTHER. |
| 286 | OH. |
| 287 | OH, OKAY, I GET IT. |
| 288 | I JUST... I DON'T WANT US TO JUMP INTO SOMETHING |
| 289 | YOU KNOW, THAT WE'RE NOT... READY FOR. |
| 290 | YOU KNOW? ( trembling voice ): UH-HUH. |
| 291 | I REALLY DON'T WANT TO MESS UP WHAT WE HAVE. |
| 292 | I'M JUST... I'M WORRIED IT'S GOING TO BE A BIG MISTAKE. |
| 293 | HUH. |
| 294 | WHICH IS WHY MY ANSWER IS YES! |
| 295 | REALLY? |
| 296 | UH-HUH. |
| 297 | OH, YOU'RE SO HAPPY. |
| 298 | MONICA, STOP THROWING IT SO HARD! |
| 299 | WE'RE ON THE SAME TEAM. |
| 300 | FOUR HOURS? |
| 301 | YOU GUYS HAVE BEEN DOING THIS FOR FOUR HOURS? |
| 302 | THAT'S RIGHT, BABY. |
| 303 | ALL RIGHT, LET ME IN. |
| 304 | NO, NO! DON'T DO IT! |
| 305 | DON'T! |
| 306 | WHAT? |
| 307 | HE'S A DROPPER. |
| 308 | OH, YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT! |
| 309 | I'M NOT A DROPPER! |
| 310 | IT'S REALLY A-A-A... THREE-PERSON GAME, YOU KNOW? |
| 311 | IT'S THROWING AND CATCHING. |
| 312 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 313 | OH, OH, IT'S SO HARD. |
| 314 | DON'T WORRY, GUYS. IT'S NOT A CAT. |
| 315 | OH, MY... OH, GOOD GOD. |
| 316 | I GIVE UP, YOU GUYS. |
| 317 | I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M GOING TO DO WITH THIS THING. |
| 318 | BAKING IT DIDN'T HELP, HUH? |
| 319 | SO WHY DON'T YOU |
| 320 | JUST TAKE IT BACK TO WHERE YOU GOT IT? |
| 321 | I TRIED. THEY WON'T TAKE HER BACK. |
| 322 | MAYBE THAT'S BECAUSE SHE'S A MINION OF THE ANTI-CHRIST. |
| 323 | RACH... |
| 324 | WHY WON'T THEY TAKE IT BACK? |
| 325 | WELL, THEY SAID THEY WOULD |
| 326 | BUT THEY WOULD ONLY GIVE ME STORE CREDIT |
| 327 | AND, I MEAN, WHAT AM I GOING TO DO? |
| 328 | GET A THOUSAND REGULAR CATS? |
| 329 | YOU CAN KEEP IT AT OUR PLACE |
| 330 | UNTIL YOU FIND OUT WHAT TO DO WITH IT. |
| 331 | NO, MON, THAT'S NOT THE POINT. |
| 332 | I AM OUT $1,000; I AM ALL SCRATCHED UP |
| 333 | AND I'M STUCK WITH THIS STUPID CAT THAT LOOKS LIKE A HAND. |
| 334 | ( sneezes ) |
| 335 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 336 | THE CAT'S MADE MY EYES WATER. |
| 337 | DON'T-DON'T THROW IT TO ME! |
| 338 | MY VISION'S BEEN COMPROMISED! |
| 339 | OH, GOD. OKAY, OKAY... |
| 340 | IT'S OKAY. |
| 341 | MAN, THAT WAS CLOSE. |
| 342 | YEAH. YOU ALMOST OVERREACTED TO SOMETHING. |
| 343 | HEY. HEY. |
| 344 | HEY. HEY. |
| 345 | WE HAVE GREAT NEWS. |
| 346 | WE'RE MOVING IN TOGETHER! |
| 347 | ISN'T IT GREAT? YAY! |
| 348 | YAY! |
| 349 | CONGRATULATIONS. THAT'S GREAT. |
| 350 | I KNOW. I'M SO EXCITED. |
| 351 | SO AM I. |
| 352 | WELL, YOU'RE NOT MORE EXCITED THAN I AM. |
| 353 | NO WAY. I'M THE MOST EXCITED. |
| 354 | OKAY, I'LL SEE YOU AT THE STATION LATER. |
| 355 | YEAH, I'LL SEE YOU LATER. |
| 356 | DON'T FORGET ABOUT THE MOVING IN. |
| 357 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 358 | YOU'RE MOVING IN WITH HIM? WHAT HAPPENED? |
| 359 | I COULDN'T TELL HIM NO-- HE GOT SO SAD. |
| 360 | BUT MAYBE IT'LL BE ALL RIGHT. |
| 361 | I DO REALLY LIKE HIM A LOT |
| 362 | AND WOULD PROBABLY DO IT EVENTUALLY ANYWAY... |
| 363 | AND, PLUS, THINK OF ALL THE MONEY I'LL SAVE ON STAMPS. |
| 364 | WHY, DO YOU WRITE HIM A LOT? |
| 365 | NO. I JUST HEARD WHEN PEOPLE LIVE TOGETHER |
| 366 | THEY SPLIT THE COST OF STAMPS, DON'T THEY? |
| 367 | YEAH. |
| 368 | THAT'S RIGHT. YEAH, YEAH. |
| 369 | OH! |
| 370 | OH... I'M SORRY. |
| 371 | THE OVEN MITTS REALLY FREAKED ME OUT. |
| 372 | HI, HONEY. HEY, HONEY. |
| 373 | DID YOU FIND ANY APARTMENTS IN BROOKLYN HEIGHTS? |
| 374 | NO. NOTHING. |
| 375 | OH. REALLY? |
| 376 | YEAH. |
| 377 | NOTHING AT ALL? NO. |
| 378 | AS SOON AS SOMETHING OPENS UP, WE'LL MOVE RIGHT IN. |
| 379 | UNLESS IT DOESN'T HAVE A POOL; I NEED A POOL. |
| 380 | PHOEBE, CAN I TALK TO YOU FOR A SECOND? |
| 381 | UH-HUH. |
| 382 | TAKE A SEAT. |
| 383 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 384 | YOU OKAY? |
| 385 | YOU FEELING ALL RIGHT? |
| 386 | YEAH, I FEEL GREAT, 'CAUSE WE'RE MOVING IN TOGETHER. |
| 387 | SO YOU, UH... |
| 388 | YOU CHECKED THE PAPER FOR LISTINGS |
| 389 | IN BROOKLYN HEIGHTS, RIGHT? |
| 390 | YOU-YOU CHECKED THE POST? |
| 391 | YEAH. UH-HUH. THERE WAS NOTHING. |
| 392 | COULD I GET SOME WATER? |
| 393 | IN A MINUTE. |
| 394 | YOU-YOU CHECKED TODAY'S POST? |
| 395 | UM, YEAH. TODAY'S. MM-HMM. |
| 396 | HMM... |
| 397 | 'CAUSE, UH, THIS IS TODAY'S POST |
| 398 | AND, UH, THESE ARE THE LISTINGS I FOUND. |
| 399 | "BROOKLYN HEIGHTS, TWO BEDROOMS." |
| 400 | "BROOKLYN HEIGHTS, ONE BEDROOM." |
| 401 | "BROOKLYN HEIGHTS," "BROOKLYN HEIGHTS," "BROOKLYN HEIGHTS." |
| 402 | OH, ARE THESE FOR RENT? |
| 403 | I THOUGHT PEOPLE WERE JUST BRAGGING. |
| 404 | LET ME TELL YOU WHAT I THINK MIGHT BE GOING ON HERE. |
| 405 | NO, NO. DON'T LOOK AT THE TABLE. |
| 406 | LOOK AT ME. |
| 407 | OKAY? |
| 408 | I THINK SOMEBODY ASKED SOMEONE TO MOVE IN WITH HIM |
| 409 | AND I THINK SOMEONE SAID YES |
| 410 | BUT NOW SHE'S HAVING DOUBTS 'CAUSE |
| 411 | MAYBE THINGS ARE MOVING TOO FAST FOR SOMEONE. |
| 412 | DOES THAT SOUND AT ALL |
| 413 | POSSIBLE TO YOU? |
| 414 | YES, YES, YES, FINE! |
| 415 | I AM SOMEONE! |
| 416 | YOU WANT ME TO SAY IT? |
| 417 | I HAVE DOUBTS. |
| 418 | I'M SORRY! |
| 419 | PHOEBE? |
| 420 | YEAH? |
| 421 | PHOEBE, IT'S OKAY THAT YOU FEEL THIS WAY. |
| 422 | I MEAN, IT IS SOON |
| 423 | AND THERE'S A LOT OF THINGS WE DON'T KNOW ABOUT EACH OTHER. |
| 424 | I FIGURED EVERYTHING I KNOW ABOUT YOU, I REALLY LIKE; |
| 425 | AND THE THINGS I DON'T KNOW, I'D GET TO LEARN ABOUT |
| 426 | IN A PLACE WITH BOTH OUR NAMES ON THE MAILBOX. |
| 427 | THAT'S SO SWEET. |
| 428 | SWEETHEART |
| 429 | BUT NONE OF THAT MATTERS IF IT'S TOO SOON FOR YOU. |
| 430 | IT'S FINE. WE DON'T HAVE TO MOVE IN TOGETHER. |
| 431 | I JUST... I WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY. |
| 432 | LIVING WITH YOU WOULD MAKE ME HAPPY. |
| 433 | YOU DON'T HAVE TO SAY THAT. |
| 434 | NO, I REALLY WANT TO LIVE WITH YOU. |
| 435 | I WANT TO MOVE IN WITH YOU. |
| 436 | ARE YOU SURE? |
| 437 | YES. DEFINITELY, YES. |
| 438 | LET'S LIVE IN AN APARTMENT THAT WE BOTH LIVE IN. |
| 439 | OH, THAT'S GREAT! |
| 440 | OH, WAIT. ONE SEC, ONE SEC. |
| 441 | HEY, YOU-- BEHIND THE GLASS-- WHO ARE YOU LOOKING AT?! |
| 442 | I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO SAY THAT |
| 443 | EVERY TIME I WAS IN ONE OF THESE ROOMS |
| 444 | WHICH WAS NEVER. |
| 445 | Rachel: SHOW CAT! |
| 446 | QUALITY SHOW CAT! |
| 447 | SHOW CAT! |
| 448 | OH, MY GOD! |
| 449 | WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOUR BABY? |
| 450 | NO, THAT'S NOT A BABY. |
| 451 | THAT'S A CAT. |
| 452 | EWW, IT'S CREEPY LOOKING. |
| 453 | OH, NO. |
| 454 | ACTUALLY, IT'S VERY SWEET. |
| 455 | IT'S VERY SWEET. LOOK. |
| 456 | ( vicious hissing ) |
| 457 | YEAH. DO YOU WANT IT? |
| 458 | ( chuckling ) |
| 459 | NO. I HATE CATS. |
| 460 | WELL, SO, THEN WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME? OKAY? |
| 461 | JUST GET OUT OF HERE, ALL RIGHT? MOVE ON. |
| 462 | SHEESH. |
| 463 | WOW, WHAT AN UNUSUAL CAT. |
| 464 | YES. THANK YOU. EXACTLY. |
| 465 | YOU WANT IT? |
| 466 | MAYBE. |
| 467 | I WAS THINKING ABOUT GETTING A CAT. |
| 468 | I WAS JUST GOING TO GO TO THE SHELTER, BUT... |
| 469 | OKAY, WHY NOT? |
| 470 | OH, TERRIFIC. |
| 471 | THAT'LL BE $2,000. |
| 472 | WHAT? |
| 473 | OKAY, $1,000. |
| 474 | I THOUGHT YOU WANTED ME TO ADOPT YOUR CAT. |
| 475 | WELL, I DO |
| 476 | BUT YOU'RE JUST GOING TO HAVE TO ACTUALLY LOOK AT THIS |
| 477 | AS MORE OF AN INVESTMENT THAN A CAT. |
| 478 | OKAY, YEAH. I JUST WANTED A CAT. |
| 479 | YEAH. OKAY, OKAY... |
| 480 | ( stammering ) |
| 481 | OBVIOUSLY, YOU KNOW HOW TO HAGGLE |
| 482 | SO I'M NOT GOING TO TRY AND TAKE YOU ON, OKAY? |
| 483 | SO $800 AND I DON'T CALL THE COPS, WHICH I SHOULD |
| 484 | BECAUSE YOU ARE ROBBING ME BLIND! BLIND! |
| 485 | JUST TAKE THE CAT, LEAVE THE MONEY AND RUN AWAY. |
| 486 | JUST RUN AWAY. |
| 487 | DAMN IT! |
| 488 | CAN'T YOU AT LEAST SMILE OR SOMETHING? |
| 489 | ( vicious hissing ) |
| 490 | OKAY, DID ANYBODY JUST HEAR THAT? |
| 491 | ANYBODY? |
| 492 | I'M STARVING. |
| 493 | COME ON, GUYS, SUCK IT UP. |
| 494 | WE'RE CLOSING IN ON TEN HOURS. |
| 495 | IT'S GUT-CHECK TIME. |
| 496 | I DON'T KNOW WHO MADE YOU THE BOSS, ALL RIGHT? |
| 497 | WE INVENTED THIS GAME. |
| 498 | Monica: PLEASE. |
| 499 | I MADE THIS GAME WHAT IT IS. |
| 500 | NOT FUN ANYMORE? |
| 501 | I'M STILL HUNGRY. |
| 502 | THERE'S PIZZA AT MY PLACE. |
| 503 | WE CAN ALL EAT WITH ONE HAND, RIGHT? |
| 504 | ARE YOU WITH ME? |
| 505 | I AM. |
| 506 | ALL RIGHT, LET'S GO! COME ON! COME ON! |
| 507 | LET'S GO, TEAM MONICA! |
| 508 | WE CAN WORK OUT THAT NAME LATER. |
| 509 | RACHEL... |
| 510 | WHAT IS YOUR CAT DOING IN ONE OF MY BOWLS? |
| 511 | IT'S NOT. I'M DEFROSTING A CHICKEN. |
| 512 | OH, I SOLD MRS. WHISKERSON. |
| 513 | OH, THANK GOD. |
| 514 | DID YOU GET YOUR MONEY BACK? |
| 515 | YEAH. $1,500. |
| 516 | I JUST CAME FOR THE RED VELVET PILLOW. |
| 517 | OH, YEAH. |
| 518 | THERE YOU GO. |
| 519 | THANKS, RACHEL, AND, UH, DON'T FORGET |
| 520 | YOU CAN COME VISIT HER ANYTIME YOU WANT. |
| 521 | OH, GOOD. GREAT. |
| 522 | I-I'LL KEEP THAT IN MIND. |
| 523 | HEY. |
| 524 | SO WHAT IS THIS, SOME KIND OF SNAKE OR SOMETHING? |
| 525 | ( bird chirping ) |
| 526 | I REALLY LIKE WAKING UP WITH YOU. |
| 527 | I LIKE WAKING UP WITH YOU, TOO. |
| 528 | OH, IT'S SUCH A BEAUTIFUL MORNING. |
| 529 | I COULD STAY HERE ALL DAY. |
| 530 | THAT WOULD BE GREAT. |
| 531 | WE COULD HAVE BREAKFAST IN BED... |
| 532 | WELL, JUST A SECOND. |
| 533 | OKAY. |
| 534 | OH! ( chirping stops ) |
| 535 | OH, NO. |
| 536 | ALL RIGHT, COME ON, MONICA! |
| 537 | LOOK ALIVE. |
| 538 | COME ON, LOOK ALIVE. |
| 539 | OH, GOOD, YOU'RE ALL UP. |
| 540 | HEY. HEY. |
| 541 | PHOEBE, IT'S 6:00 IN THE MORNING. |
| 542 | WHY AREN'T YOU AT GARY'S? |
| 543 | OH, YEAH. THAT'S OVER. WHAT? WHAT? |
| 544 | GARY'S SUCH A GREAT GUY. |
| 545 | WHATEVER THE PROBLEM IS, YOU CAN WORK IT OUT. |
| 546 | HE SHOT A BIRD. |
| 547 | OH, THAT IS OVER. |
| 548 | Rachel: OH, HONEY, I'M SORRY. |
| 549 | THAT'S TERRIBLE. |
| 550 | PHOEBE, ARE YOU OKAY? |
| 551 | YEAH, YEAH, I'LL BE ALL RIGHT. |
| 552 | WELL, HEY, HERE, PHEEBS. |
| 553 | OH. NAH, I DON'T FEEL LIKE PLAYING. |
| 554 | ( collective gasp ) |
| 555 | IT'S OKAY. |
| 556 | IT'S OKAY, OKAY? |
| 557 | LOOK... |
| 558 | JUST PRETEND THAT IT DIDN'T HAPPEN, OKAY? |
| 559 | NO ONE NEEDS TO KNOW. |
| 560 | PHOEBE... PHOEBE'S NOT AN OFFICIAL BALLPLAYER. |
| 561 | I MEAN, ONLY OFFICIAL BALLPLAYERS CAN DROP THE BALL. |
| 562 | ALL RIGHT, LET'S GO. OKAY. |
| 563 | Rachel: OKAY. |
| 564 | PHOEBE, WANT TO GET SOME BREAKFAST? |
| 565 | YEAH. OKAY. |
| 566 | OKAY, LET'S RACE. |
| 567 | FIRST ONE THERE WINS. |
| 568 | HA-HA! |
| 569 | YOU GUYS WANT TO EAT HERE? |
| 570 | YEAH. YEAH. YEAH. |
| 571 | OH, MAN, THAT WAS GREAT, HUH? |
| 572 | CAN YOU BELIEVE HOW LONG |
| 573 | WE THREW THAT BALL AROUND? |
| 574 | I KNOW. IT IS AMAZING IT LASTED THAT LONG. |
| 575 | I KNOW. MY ARM IS KILLING ME. |
| 576 | NO. I MEANT WITH THE DROPPER OVER HERE. |
| 577 | Ross: OH, YEAH. |
| 578 | HOW DID I GET THIS REPUTATION AS A DROPPER, OKAY? |
| 579 | I'M ANYTHING BUT A DROPPER. |
| 580 | ROSS. |
| 581 | [Captioned by The Caption Center WGBH Educational Foundation] |
| 582 | |
| 1 | WHAT'S GOING ON? |
| 2 | HUH? WELL, MY EYE IS A LITTLE ITCHY. |
| 3 | UH... MINE, TOO. YEAH. |
| 4 | WOW, IT'S REALLY RED. |
| 5 | YOU SHOULD GO SEE MY EYE DOCTOR. |
| 6 | RICHARD? I'M NOT GOING TO GO SEE YOUR EX-BOYFRIEND. |
| 7 | RICHARD-- THAT'S ALL I EVER HEAR. |
| 8 | RICHARD, RICHARD, RICHARD. |
| 9 | SINCE WE'VE BEEN GOING OUT |
| 10 | I THINK I'VE MENTIONED HIS NAME TWICE. |
| 11 | OKAY, SO RICHARD, RICHARD. |
| 12 | IT'S NOT RICHARD, OKAY? |
| 13 | IT'S THIS NEW GUY, AND HE'S REALLY GOOD. |
| 14 | WELL, I'M SORRY, I'M NOT GOING TO AN EYE DOCTOR. |
| 15 | OH, GOD, HERE WE GO. Chandler: WHAT? |
| 16 | ANYTIME ANYTHING COMES CLOSE TO TOUCHING HER EYE |
| 17 | OR ANYONE ELSE'S, SHE, LIKE, FREAKS OUT. |
| 18 | WATCH. WATCH. |
| 19 | ROSS! COME ON. THAT'S... ALL RIGHT, FINE, OKAY |
| 20 | I HAVE A WEIRD THING WITH MY EYE. |
| 21 | CAN WE JUST NOT TALK ABOUT IT, PLEASE? |
| 22 | All: ALL RIGHT. |
| 23 | HEY, RACHE, YOU KNOW THAT GREAT SONG |
| 24 | UM, "ME, MYSELF AND... EYE"? |
| 25 | AAH! MONICA! COME ON. |
| 26 | HEY, DOES ANYONE WANT TO GET SOME LUNCH? |
| 27 | ALL THOSE IN FAVOR, SAY "EYE." |
| 28 | ROSS! STOP IT! COME ON. |
| 29 | HOW MUCH DID I LOVE |
| 30 | THE KING AND EYE? |
| 31 | CHANDLER. ALL RIGHT... |
| 32 | ME, TOO! ME, TOO! ME, TOO! |
| 33 | ALL RIGHT, JUST STOP IT! |
| 34 | THAT'S ENOUGH! COME ON. |
| 35 | YOU OKAY THERE, MAN? |
| 36 | YEAH. I GOT TOO EXCITED. |
| 37 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 38 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 39 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 40 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 41 | ♪ WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY, YOUR WEEK ♪ |
| 42 | ♪ YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 43 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 44 | ♪ WHEN THE RAIN STARTS TO POUR ♪ |
| 45 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 46 | ♪ LIKE I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE ♪ |
| 47 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 48 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME, TOO. ♪ |
| 49 | ALL RIGHT, I GOT TO GO. |
| 50 | I'M TAKING BEN TO THE PARK. |
| 51 | OH, GIVE HIM A KISS FOR ME. |
| 52 | ALL RIGHT. BYE. |
| 53 | BYE. BYE. |
| 54 | LATER. |
| 55 | ( laughing ) |
| 56 | I AM SO SORRY YOU GOT CAUGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF THAT. |
| 57 | I DIDN'T MEAN TO BE SO OUT THERE BUT I AM FURIOUS WITH HIM. |
| 58 | WOW. UM... |
| 59 | CALM DOWN? |
| 60 | I'M TRYING, BUT, MAN, THAT GUY CAN PUSH MY BUTTONS. |
| 61 | WHY ARE YOU SO MAD AT HIM? |
| 62 | LOOK, I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT, OKAY? |
| 63 | IT JUST SEEMS... |
| 64 | YOU WANT TO BE ON MY LIST, TOO? KEEP TALKING. |
| 65 | HAS ANYONE SEEN MY LIST, BY THE WAY? |
| 66 | UH, NO, PHEEBS. WHAT'S IT LOOK LIKE? |
| 67 | IT'S A PIECE OF PAPER, AND IT SAYS "ROSS" ON IT. |
| 68 | I SEE. |
| 69 | HI. HEY. |
| 70 | I JUST GOT OFF THE PHONE WITH ESTELLE, AND GUESS WHAT? |
| 71 | I GOT THE LEAD IN A MOVIE! |
| 72 | CONGRATULATIONS! THAT'S AMAZING. |
| 73 | WHAT'S THE MOVIE ABOUT? |
| 74 | OH, UH, IT'S CALLED SHUTTER SPEED. |
| 75 | IT'S REALLY COOL. YEAH. |
| 76 | UM, WELL, I MEET THIS GIRL ON THE SUBWAY |
| 77 | AND WE FALL IN LOVE IN, LIKE, A DAY, RIGHT? |
| 78 | AND THEN, SHE DISAPPEARS |
| 79 | BUT I FIND OUT WHERE SHE LIVES, AND WHEN I GET THERE |
| 80 | THIS, LIKE, OLD LADY ANSWERS THE DOOR |
| 81 | AND I SAY, "WHERE'S BETSY?" |
| 82 | RIGHT? AND SHE SAYS, "BETSY'S BEEN DEAD FOR TEN YEARS." |
| 83 | OOH... CHILLING. |
| 84 | YEAH. |
| 85 | OH, AND THE BEST PART IS |
| 86 | WE'RE FILMING IN THE DESERT OUTSIDE OF VEGAS. |
| 87 | YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS, BUDDY? |
| 88 | I KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS, BUDDY. |
| 89 | ROAD TRIP! YEAH. WE CAN RENT A CAR. |
| 90 | I JUST HAVE TO BE THERE BY TUESDAY. |
| 91 | OOH, WAIT, MY GRANDMOTHER'S DEAD. |
| 92 | WELL, UH... WE CAN TALK ABOUT THAT, TOO, PHEEBS. |
| 93 | NO, NO. |
| 94 | HER CAB-- SHE PROBABLY WON'T BE USING IT. |
| 95 | YOU COULD DRIVE IT TO LAS VEGAS. |
| 96 | ALL RIGHT! THANKS, PHEEBS. |
| 97 | WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. |
| 98 | WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO ABOUT MY JOB? |
| 99 | OH, UH, NOT GO. |
| 100 | ALL RIGHT! GREAT! ROAD TRIP, BABY! |
| 101 | ( chortling ) |
| 102 | IS THIS OKAY WITH YOU? |
| 103 | CHANDLER, YOU DON'T HAVE TO ASK FOR MY PERMISSION. |
| 104 | YOU CAN GO. THANK YOU. |
| 105 | HEY, RACHE, COME ON. |
| 106 | YOU'LL BE LATE FOR THE EYE DOCTOR APPOINTMENT. |
| 107 | ALL RIGHT. LET'S GET THIS OVER WITH. |
| 108 | ( groans ) |
| 109 | OH... NO. |
| 110 | LOOK WHAT I DID. |
| 111 | OH... |
| 112 | I MEAN, LOOK AT THIS MESS. |
| 113 | I MEAN, WE'RE GOING TO PROBABLY HAVE TO CLEAN THIS UP, YOU KNOW? |
| 114 | I MEAN, WE'RE GOING TO HAVE TO RESCHEDULE. |
| 115 | IF YOU THOUGHT THAT THIS MESS WAS GOING TO BOTHER ME |
| 116 | YOU ARE WRONG. |
| 117 | ALL RIGHT, LET'S GO, BLINKY. ALL RIGHT. |
| 118 | ( Rachel groans in frustration) |
| 119 | CHANDLER... |
| 120 | OH, HEY, JOEY. |
| 121 | HEY. WHAT'S UP? |
| 122 | WELL, I CAN'T DECIDE WHICH ROUTE TO TAKE TO VEGAS. |
| 123 | HEY... YOU'VE TRAVELED A LOT, RIGHT? |
| 124 | YEAH, I'VE BEEN AROUND. OKAY... |
| 125 | SO... SO WHICH ROUTE SHOULD I TAKE |
| 126 | THE NORTHERN ROUTE OR THE SOUTHERN ROUTE? |
| 127 | OOH, IF YOU TAKE THE NORTHERN ROUTE |
| 128 | THERE'S A MAN IN ILLINOIS WITH A BEARD OF BEES. |
| 129 | ( gasps ) |
| 130 | GREAT! PROBLEM SOLVED. |
| 131 | BUT ON THE SOUTHERN ROUTE |
| 132 | THERE'S A CHICKEN THAT PLAYS TIC-TAC-TOE. |
| 133 | WELL, BACK TO SQUARE ONE. |
| 134 | OH, I KNOW A WAY THAT YOU CAN DECIDE. |
| 135 | ALL RIGHT, I'M GOING TO ASK YOU A SERIES OF QUESTIONS |
| 136 | AND YOU ANSWER AS QUICKLY AS YOU CAN. |
| 137 | ( quickly ): YES. |
| 138 | GOOD, BUT WAIT. |
| 139 | OKAY... ALL RIGHT |
| 140 | HERE WE GO. NOW, I WANT YOU TO RELAX... |
| 141 | TAKE A DEEP BREATH, CLEAR YOUR MIND... |
| 142 | WHICH DO YOU LIKE BETTER |
| 143 | PEANUT BUTTER OR EGG WHITES? PEANUT BUTTER. |
| 144 | WOULD YOU RATHER BE A FIREMAN OR A SWIMMER? A SWIMMER. |
| 145 | WOULD YOU RATHER SLEEP WITH MONICA OR RACHEL? MONICA. OH... |
| 146 | HUH. I ALWAYS THOUGHT IT'D BE RACHEL. |
| 147 | NO THINKING, NO THINKING. |
| 148 | TIE OR ASCOT? ASCOT. |
| 149 | NORTH ROUTE OR SOUTH ROUTE? NORTH ROUTE. |
| 150 | BAM! THERE YOU GO, HUH? |
| 151 | WOW. |
| 152 | THAT WAS INCREDIBLE. |
| 153 | BEARD OF BEES, HERE I COME. |
| 154 | HEY. |
| 155 | OH, THIS GUY AGAIN. |
| 156 | HEY, MAN, WHAT'S UP? |
| 157 | UH, NOT MUCH. |
| 158 | YOU GUYS WANT TO SEE A MOVIE TONIGHT? |
| 159 | SURE, WHAT DO YOU WANT TO SEE? |
| 160 | WELL, I DON'T KNOW. UM... |
| 161 | I KNOW HOW WE CAN DECIDE. |
| 162 | PHOEBE, SHOW HIM YOUR GAME. |
| 163 | UM, NO THANK YOU. |
| 164 | WHAT'S WITH HER? |
| 165 | I DON'T KNOW. |
| 166 | BUT, HEY, I KNOW HOW WE CAN DECIDE. |
| 167 | OKAY, I'M GOING TO ASK YOU QUESTIONS |
| 168 | AND YOU ANSWER REAL QUICK, OKAY? |
| 169 | OKAY. |
| 170 | ACTION OR COMEDY? ACTION. |
| 171 | WHO WOULD YOU RATHER SLEEP WITH, MONICA OR RACHEL? |
| 172 | DUDE, YOU ARE SICK. |
| 173 | OH, RIGHT, I'M SORRY. |
| 174 | I FORGOT YOU HAD THAT WHOLE RACHEL THING. |
| 175 | I'M SORRY. |
| 176 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 177 | WHAT DOES THAT THING DO? |
| 178 | HMM, IT'S AN EYE REMOVAL MACHINE. |
| 179 | ALL RIGHT, I'M OUT OF HERE. |
| 180 | I'M KIDDING, I'M KIDDING. |
| 181 | UH-OH. HI, RACHEL. HEY. |
| 182 | I'M DR. MILLER. |
| 183 | MONICA TOLD ME YOU WERE A LITTLE NERVOUS |
| 184 | BUT EVERYTHING'S GOING TO BE JUST FINE. |
| 185 | SO, WE'RE DONE THEN. |
| 186 | ALMOST-- FIRST WE GOT TO START. OKAY. |
| 187 | THIS IS THE GLAUCOMA TEST. |
| 188 | UH-HUH. |
| 189 | SIT DOWN. |
| 190 | OKAY. |
| 191 | PUT YOUR CHIN HERE. MM-HMM. |
| 192 | NOW, YOU'RE GOING TO FEEL |
| 193 | A SMALL PUFF OF AIR IN EACH EYE. |
| 194 | W-WH-WHAT? |
| 195 | A SMALL PUFF OF AIR. |
| 196 | ( sharply ): NOW, COME ON! |
| 197 | HERE WE GO. |
| 198 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 199 | ONE, TWO, THREE. |
| 200 | OKAY, I'M SORRY. |
| 201 | ALL RIGHT, JUST... |
| 202 | I'M STAYING HERE THIS TIME. |
| 203 | OKAY. |
| 204 | READY? UH-HUH. |
| 205 | ONE, TWO, TH... |
| 206 | I'M SORRY. |
| 207 | YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 208 | I'M GOING TO HOLD HER HEAD. |
| 209 | THAT'S OKAY. |
| 210 | OKAY. OKAY. |
| 211 | OKAY. |
| 212 | ONE... UH-HUH. |
| 213 | TWO... I'M SORRY. |
| 214 | YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU'RE YOUNG |
| 215 | YOU PROBABLY DON'T HAVE GLAUCOMA. |
| 216 | ( cheering ) |
| 217 | OKAY, SO... |
| 218 | IT'S WAS VERY, VERY NICE TO MEET YOU. |
| 219 | OH, HEY... WHAT, ARE YOU CRAZY? |
| 220 | OKAY, YOU HAVE A SMALL, MINOR INFECTION |
| 221 | IN THAT LEFT EYE. |
| 222 | I WANT YOU TO TAKE THESE DROPS |
| 223 | THREE TIMES A DAY FOR A WEEK |
| 224 | AND YOU'LL BE AS GOOD AS NEW. |
| 225 | NO, I DON'T PUT THINGS IN MY EYE. |
| 226 | OKAY, THEN, I GUESS WE'LL SEE YOU |
| 227 | BACK HERE IN THREE MONTHS. |
| 228 | GREAT. AND I'LL FIT YOU FOR A GLASS EYE. |
| 229 | OKAY, JUST GIVE ME THE DAMN DROPS. |
| 230 | DR. MILLER... |
| 231 | P-E-C-F-D. |
| 232 | VERY GOOD, MONICA. |
| 233 | YOU KNOW WHERE THEY ARE. |
| 234 | I SURE DO. |
| 235 | AND YOU DON'T GET ONE. |
| 236 | YOU KNOW, I GOT TO TELL YOU |
| 237 | THOSE EYE DROPS ARE A MIRACLE |
| 238 | MY EYE IS 100 PERCENT BETTER. |
| 239 | THEY'RE STILL IN MY COAT. |
| 240 | DAMN. |
| 241 | HEY. |
| 242 | HEY, YOU READY TO GO? |
| 243 | YEAH. HOW COLD IS IT GOING TO BE? |
| 244 | DO I NEED A COAT OR WILL ALL THESE SWEATER-VESTS BE ENOUGH. |
| 245 | WHAT? |
| 246 | I LOVE YOU. |
| 247 | MAN, I WISH ROSS WAS COMING WITH US, YOU KNOW. |
| 248 | I'M GOING TO MISS HIM. |
| 249 | THANKS A LOT. |
| 250 | I JUST GOT THAT JERK OUT OF MY MIND. |
| 251 | HEY, SO WHERE ARE WE STAYING? |
| 252 | IS THE MOVIE PUTTING US UP |
| 253 | IN A BIG HOTEL SUITE? |
| 254 | AH, NO, NOT REALLY. |
| 255 | IT'S AN INDEPENDENT FILM |
| 256 | SO WE DON'T HAVE A REAL BIG BUDGET. |
| 257 | I FIGURED I'D JUST STAY IN YOUR ROOM. |
| 258 | I SEE, BUT ONCE YOU GET YOUR FIRST PAYCHECK |
| 259 | YOU'LL BE SPRINGING FOR A BIG HOTEL SUITE, RIGHT? |
| 260 | I MEAN LEAD IN A MOVIE |
| 261 | THEY MUST BE PAYING YOU A LOT. |
| 262 | OH, YEAH, CHECK THIS OUT-- |
| 263 | FOR EVERY DOLLAR SHUTTER SPEED MAKES |
| 264 | ONE PENNY OF IT GOES RIGHT IN JOEY'S POCKET. |
| 265 | SO YOU DON'T GET PAID |
| 266 | UNLESS THE MOVIE MAKES MONEY? |
| 267 | DID YOU NOT HEAR THE PLOT OF THE MOVIE? |
| 268 | SHE'S BEEN DEAD FOR TEN YEARS. |
| 269 | I'M GOING TO BE A MILLIONAIRE! |
| 270 | HEY. HEY. |
| 271 | JUST WANTED TO SAY GOOD-BYE TO YOU GUYS |
| 272 | AND TO SEE IF MAYBE YOU GUYS |
| 273 | WILL PLACE A LITTLE BET FOR ME, HUH? |
| 274 | 20 BUCKS ON BLACK 15. |
| 275 | YOU GOT IT. ALL RIGHT. |
| 276 | ALL RIGHT, BYE-BYE NOW. |
| 277 | BYE, YOU GUYS. BYE. |
| 278 | I'LL SAY GOOD-BYE AT THE CAR. OKAY. |
| 279 | OH, ANYBODY WANT TO SAY GOOD-BYE TO ME AT THE CAR? |
| 280 | OH, HONEY, I'LL SAY GOOD-BYE TO YOU AT THE CAR |
| 281 | IF YOU DON'T MIND THE PUS. |
| 282 | SEE YA. |
| 283 | NO, WAIT A MINUTE. |
| 284 | THE PUS IS GOOD. |
| 285 | IT MEANS IT'S HEALING. |
| 286 | HEY, PHEEBS, WHATCHA READING? |
| 287 | PHEEBS? |
| 288 | HELLO. |
| 289 | PHOEBE? |
| 290 | PHEE... PHEE... PHOEBE. |
| 291 | PHOEBE, COME ON. |
| 292 | OH, I'M SORRY, I DIDN'T SEE YOU THERE. |
| 293 | PHEEBS, ARE YOU MAD AT ME OR SOMETHING? |
| 294 | 'CAUSE IF YOU ARE |
| 295 | PLEASE TELL ME WHAT IT IS I DID. |
| 296 | WELL, IF YOU DON'T KNOW, I CAN'T HELP YOU. |
| 297 | WELL, I DON'T KNOW. |
| 298 | WELL, I CAN'T HELP YOU. |
| 299 | OKAY, WELL, WHATEVER IT IS |
| 300 | I AM VERY, VERY SORRY, OKAY? |
| 301 | APOLOGY ACCEPTED. |
| 302 | OKAY. |
| 303 | SO, WE'RE GOOD? |
| 304 | UH-HUH. |
| 305 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 306 | THANKS. |
| 307 | I'LL SEE YOU LATER, OKAY? |
| 308 | BYE, FAT ASS. |
| 309 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 310 | PHOEBE, NOW COME ON |
| 311 | WOULD YOU PLEASE TELL ME WHAT IT IS |
| 312 | THAT MADE YOU SO MAD AT ME. |
| 313 | I DON'T KNOW. |
| 314 | I DON'T REMEMBER. |
| 315 | WELL, IF YOU CAN'T REMEMBER |
| 316 | CAN'T WE JUST FORGET ABOUT THIS? |
| 317 | OH, NO, I AM MAD AT YOU |
| 318 | I KNOW THAT MUCH. |
| 319 | BUT I AM SORRY ABOUT THE FAT ASS THING |
| 320 | 'CAUSE YOU ACTUALLY HAVE A VERY SWEET LITTLE HEINIE. |
| 321 | MAN, I'M GETTING PRETTY TIRED. |
| 322 | YOU MIGHT HAVE TO TAKE OVER SOON. |
| 323 | WE'VE BEEN DRIVING FOR A HALF HOUR. |
| 324 | AND YOU HAVEN'T LOOKED AT THE ROAD ONCE. |
| 325 | DON'T WORRY, IT'S OUT THERE. |
| 326 | MAYBE I JUST NEED LUNCH. YEAH. |
| 327 | YOU WANT TO EAT? |
| 328 | MY TREAT. |
| 329 | ISN'T THAT ROSS'S MONEY? |
| 330 | YEAH, OKAY, ROSS'S TREAT. |
| 331 | WHERE DO YOU WANT TO EAT? |
| 332 | I DON'T KNOW. |
| 333 | OH, HEY |
| 334 | I KNOW HOW WE CAN DECIDE. |
| 335 | I'M GOING TO ASK YOU A BUNCH OF QUESTIONS |
| 336 | AND THEN YOU HAVE TO ANSWER REAL FAST, OKAY? |
| 337 | SO, CLEAR YOUR MIND. |
| 338 | CLEAR IT RIGHT OUT. CLEAR IT OUT. CLEAR. |
| 339 | OKAY. |
| 340 | OKAY, WOULD YOU RATHER BE TOO WET OR TOO DRY? |
| 341 | TOO DRY. DO YOU BELIEVE IN GHOSTS? |
| 342 | NO. IS THE MOVIE MY BIG BREAK? |
| 343 | NO. |
| 344 | WHAT? |
| 345 | YES. |
| 346 | DUDE, YOU SAID NO. |
| 347 | WELL, I ALSO SAID YES. |
| 348 | WELL, YOU DON'T THINK THIS IS GOING TO BE A BIG BREAK FOR ME? |
| 349 | NO... ( choking ) |
| 350 | I DON'T BELIEVE THIS. |
| 351 | LOOK, JOE, I JUST... |
| 352 | I JUST DON'T WANT YOU TO GET YOUR HOPES UP TOO HIGH, YOU KNOW? |
| 353 | WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? |
| 354 | I'M THE LEAD IN A MOVIE. |
| 355 | THEY'RE NOT EVEN PAYING YOU. |
| 356 | THIS DOESN'T EVEN SOUND LIKE A REAL MOVIE. |
| 357 | I DON'T NEED THIS. |
| 358 | I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU'RE DUMPING ON MY BIG BREAK. |
| 359 | 'CAUSE, JOE, I DON'T THINK THIS IS GOING TO BE YOUR BIG BREAK. |
| 360 | IS THAT WHY YOU'RE ON THIS TRIP, HUH? |
| 361 | TO MAKE ME FEEL LIKE A LOSER? |
| 362 | 'CAUSE IF IT IS, I'D RATHER BE ALONE. |
| 363 | YOU DON'T WANT ME HERE? |
| 364 | NOT IF YOU'RE GOING TO BE LIKE THIS. |
| 365 | TELL YOU WHAT-- THE NEXT TIME YOU ASK ME |
| 366 | A QUESTION LIKE THAT, I'LL LIE. |
| 367 | YEAH, I DON'T WANT YOU ON THE TRIP. |
| 368 | ALL RIGHT, FINE, FINE. |
| 369 | WHY DON'T YOU PULL OVER, I'LL GET OUT RIGHT NOW. FINE. |
| 370 | GET OUT. |
| 371 | YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO STOP ON A BRIDGE. |
| 372 | GET OUT! |
| 373 | ALL RIGHT! |
| 374 | Chandler: WAIT! WAIT! THERE'S NO SIDEWALK! |
| 375 | YEAH, I'M GONNA DIE HERE. |
| 376 | ARE YOU MAD AT ME BECAUSE MY HAIR GEL SMELLS? |
| 377 | Phoebe: NO. |
| 378 | ARE YOU ANGRY WITH ME BECAUSE I SAID |
| 379 | YOUR HANDWRITING IS CHILDLIKE? |
| 380 | NO, THAT MADE ME FEEL PRECIOUS. |
| 381 | OH, I KNOW. |
| 382 | UM, IS IT BECAUSE HE'S ALWAYS CORRECTING PEOPLE'S GRAMMAR? |
| 383 | "WHOM, WHOM." |
| 384 | SOMETIMES IT'S "WHO." |
| 385 | YEAH, SOMETIMES IT'S... |
| 386 | OH, DID YOU BEAT HIM AT A BOARD GAME? |
| 387 | HE TURNS INTO SUCH A BABY WHEN HE STARTS TO LOSE. |
| 388 | OH, YEAH, I'M THE BABY. HEY, STOP IT! |
| 389 | HEY. |
| 390 | CHANDLER, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? |
| 391 | JOEY KICKED ME OUT OF THE CAR |
| 392 | ON THE GEORGE WASHINGTON BRIDGE. |
| 393 | All: WHY? |
| 394 | HE WENT CRAZY. |
| 395 | WE WERE PLAYING THAT GAME WHERE YOU ASK A QUESTION |
| 396 | AND YOU HAVE TO ANSWER REALLY FAST. |
| 397 | OH, THAT GAME SHOULD NOT BE PLAYED WITHOUT MY SUPERVISION. |
| 398 | WELL, I DON'T KNOW WHAT MADE HIM SO MAD. |
| 399 | ALL I SAID WAS THAT I DIDN'T THINK |
| 400 | THIS WAS GOING TO BE HIS BIG BREAK. |
| 401 | THAT THIS MOVIE WASN'T GOING TO DO ANYTHING FOR HIM |
| 402 | AND THAT IT DIDN'T SOUND LIKE A REAL MOVIE. |
| 403 | OKAY, HE SHOULD HAVE PUSHED ME OFF THE BRIDGE. |
| 404 | WHAT'S IN THE BAG? |
| 405 | OH, I FIGURED YOU GUYS WOULD ALL BE MAD AT ME |
| 406 | SO I GOT YOU SOME GIFTS THAT I FOUND ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD. |
| 407 | WHO WANTS THE TEDDY BEAR WITH ONE LEG? |
| 408 | I DO. |
| 409 | OKAY... |
| 410 | NOT EVEN CLOSE. |
| 411 | OKAY, THEN HELP ME. I NEED HELP. |
| 412 | I CAN'T DO THIS. |
| 413 | OKAY, COME ON, LET'S DO IT. |
| 414 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 415 | SIT DOWN. |
| 416 | ALL RIGHT, PUT YOUR HEAD BACK. |
| 417 | YES. |
| 418 | ALL RIGHT, NOW OPEN YOUR EYES. |
| 419 | OKAY, THEY ARE. |
| 420 | HOW MANY FINGERS AM I HOLDING UP? |
| 421 | FOUR. |
| 422 | OH, MY GOD, I WAS THINKING FOUR. |
| 423 | REALLY? |
| 424 | YES! |
| 425 | YOU KNOW WHAT? WHY DON'T WE START WITH A PRACTICE ONE, OKAY? |
| 426 | NO DROPS. |
| 427 | GREAT. |
| 428 | OKAY, ALL RIGHT, ON THREE. |
| 429 | ONE... TWO... THREE. |
| 430 | MY PILLOW'S ALL WET. |
| 431 | WELL, YOU SAID IT WAS PRACTICE. |
| 432 | THEN WHY DID YOU MOVE? |
| 433 | BECAUSE I KNEW YOU WERE LYING. |
| 434 | ALL RIGHT, COME HERE. |
| 435 | WHAT ARE YOU DOING? |
| 436 | GET... JUST GET... |
| 437 | MONICA, STOP IT! |
| 438 | OH, MY GOD! STOP IT! |
| 439 | I AM GOING... |
| 440 | TURN IT OVER! |
| 441 | NO! |
| 442 | I AM... I AM GOING TO GET... |
| 443 | GET THESE DROPS IN YOUR EYES. |
| 444 | OH, MY GOD! |
| 445 | YOU REALLY ARE FREAKISHLY STRONG. |
| 446 | ( screaming ) |
| 447 | MONICA, STOP IT! |
| 448 | ( coughs ) |
| 449 | DAMN, IT'S EMPTY! |
| 450 | WELL, IF JOEY AND CHANDLER WALKED IN RIGHT NOW |
| 451 | WE COULD MAKE A FORTUNE. |
| 452 | ( phone ringing ) |
| 453 | OH, THAT IS DEFINITELY CHANDLER, JOEY OR ROSS... |
| 454 | OR RACHEL. |
| 455 | HELLO. |
| 456 | IT'S JOEY. |
| 457 | I'M SO GLAD YOU CALLED. |
| 458 | CHANDLER TOLD ME WHAT HAPPENED. |
| 459 | YOU KNOW, HE'S REALLY UPSET ABOUT IT. |
| 460 | NOT AS UPSET AS HE'S GOING TO BE WHEN HE FINDS OUT WHAT I DID |
| 461 | WITH HIS SWEATER-VESTS. |
| 462 | WHAT DID YOU DO TO HIS SWEATER-VESTS? |
| 463 | LET'S JUST SAY THERE'S A WELL-DRESSED PACK OF DOGS IN OHIO. |
| 464 | Hey, Monica, is Phoebe there? |
| 465 | I'VE GOT TO ASK HER SOMETHING ABOUT THE CAR. |
| 466 | Yeah, she's here. Hold on one second. |
| 467 | HEY, DUDE. |
| 468 | Hey, Pheebs. |
| 469 | THIS BOX KEEPS SLIDING OUT FROM UNDER THE SEAT. |
| 470 | WHAT IS IT? |
| 471 | OH, THAT'S MY GRANDMA. |
| 472 | AND THANKS, JOEY. |
| 473 | SHE'S HAVING A REALLY GREAT TIME. |
| 474 | IS THAT JOEY? IS THAT JOEY? |
| 475 | LET ME TALK TO HIM. |
| 476 | OKAY, JOEY, CHANDLER'S HERE. HE WAS WONDERING IF... |
| 477 | ( line disconnects ) |
| 478 | OKAY, I GUESS HE RAN OUT OF CHANGE. |
| 479 | YOU KNOW, HE WON'T EVEN TALK TO ME. |
| 480 | HOW AM I GOING TO APOLOGIZE TO HIM |
| 481 | IF HE WON'T EVEN TALK TO ME? |
| 482 | MAYBE YOU SHOULD SEND HIM SOMETHING. |
| 483 | SO WHEN HE GETS TO LAS VEGAS HE'LL KNOW THAT YOU'RE SORRY. |
| 484 | THAT'S A GOOD IDEA. |
| 485 | I WONDER WHERE I COULD GET A BASKET OF PORN? |
| 486 | OH, NO, NO, DON'T SAY I'M SORRY WITH PORN. |
| 487 | NO? |
| 488 | YOU KNOW WHAT YOU SHOULD SEND HIM-- |
| 489 | A CARTON OF CIGARETTES. |
| 490 | 'CAUSE THAT WAY HE CAN TRADE IT FOR PROTECTION... |
| 491 | NO, THAT'S PRISON. |
| 492 | ( door opening ) |
| 493 | OKAY, PHEEBS, I KNOW HOW WE'RE GOING TO FIGURE THIS OUT. |
| 494 | OKAY, CLEAR YOUR MIND |
| 495 | AND ANSWER THE FIRST THING THAT COMES INTO YOUR HEAD, OKAY? |
| 496 | MM-HMM. |
| 497 | WHAT DO YOU LIKE BETTER, FLORA OR FAUNA? |
| 498 | FAUNA. SIMON OR GARFUNKLE? |
| 499 | GARFUNKLE. WHY ARE YOU MAD AT ME? |
| 500 | YOU SAID I WAS BORING. OH! |
| 501 | WHEN DID I SAY YOU WERE BORING? |
| 502 | OH, MY GOD! I REMEMBER NOW! |
| 503 | WE WERE PLAYING CHESS. |
| 504 | PHOEBE, YOU AND I HAVE NEVER PLAYED CHESS. |
| 505 | OH, COME ON, YES. |
| 506 | REMEMBER THAT TIME ON THE FROZEN LAKE |
| 507 | WE WERE PLAYING CHESS. |
| 508 | YOU SAID I WAS BORING |
| 509 | AND THEN YOU TOOK OFF YOUR ENERGY MASK |
| 510 | AND YOU WERE CAMERON DIAZ. |
| 511 | OKAY, THERE'S A CHANCE THIS MAY HAVE BEEN A DREAM. |
| 512 | HEY. |
| 513 | STANLEY! |
| 514 | HEY-HEY! |
| 515 | YOUR LEADING MAN IS HERE. LET'S GET TO WORK. |
| 516 | UM, SLIGHT CHANGE OF PLANS. |
| 517 | WE'VE SHUT DOWN. |
| 518 | WHA... WHAT? |
| 519 | WHY? |
| 520 | IT'S A MONEY THING. |
| 521 | WE DON'T HAVE ANY. |
| 522 | ( chuckling ) |
| 523 | YOU'RE KIDDING, RIGHT? NO. |
| 524 | WHAT? |
| 525 | IT'S PROBABLY JUST TEMPORARY. |
| 526 | WE'RE HOPING TO GET SOME MORE MONEY SOON. |
| 527 | SO IF YOU COULD JUST HANG OUT. |
| 528 | HANG OUT? |
| 529 | HOW LONG? |
| 530 | I DON'T KNOW, A WEEK, MAYBE TWO. |
| 531 | THE MONEY WILL TURN UP. |
| 532 | PEOPLE ALWAYS WANT TO INVEST IN MOVIES. |
| 533 | HEY, YOU'RE NOT RICH, ARE YOU? |
| 534 | NO. WORTH A SHOT. |
| 535 | LOOK, JOEY, LET ME KNOW WHERE YOU'RE STAYING, OKAY? |
| 536 | HEY, PAL. |
| 537 | ARE YOU JOEY TRIBBIANI? YEAH. |
| 538 | THESE GOT LEFT FOR YOU. THANKS. |
| 539 | "CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR BIG BREAK." |
| 540 | ( phone ringing ) |
| 541 | HELLO. |
| 542 | Hey, Monica, it's Joey. |
| 543 | HEY, JOEY. |
| 544 | OH, YOU REMEMBER ME EVEN THOUGH YOU'RE A BIG STAR. |
| 545 | Oh, come on. |
| 546 | It'll be years before I forget you. |
| 547 | JOEY, WHAT'S IT LIKE ON A MOVIE SET, HUH? |
| 548 | DO YOU HAVE A DRESSING ROOM? |
| 549 | DO YOU HAVE A CHAIR WITH YOUR NAME ON IT? |
| 550 | Yeah, yeah, I got all that going on, yeah. |
| 551 | Listen, I want you to make sure you tell Chandler |
| 552 | that he couldn't have been more wrong. |
| 553 | Uh-oh, I got to go, Monica. |
| 554 | My... my sushi's here. |
| 555 | SORRY ABOUT THAT. |
| 556 | THANKS FOR WAITING. |
| 557 | OKAY. |
| 558 | EVERYBODY SMILE. |
| 559 | OKAY. |
| 560 | THANKS A LOT. |
| 561 | ENJOY YOUR STAY AT CAESARS. |
| 562 | WE HOPE IT'S TOGA-RIFFIC. |
| 563 | KILL ME. KILL ME NOW. |
| 564 | RACHE, CAN YOU PASS ME THE TV GUIDE? |
| 565 | YEAH. |
| 566 | GO! |
| 567 | WHAT?! |
| 568 | GET AWAY! |
| 569 | OH, MY GOD! |
| 570 | Monica: HOLD HER. OKAY. |
| 571 | WE'LL SEE YOU IN ABOUT THREE OR FOUR HOURS. |
| 572 | AW. |
| 573 | |
| 1 | ( phone ringing ) |
| 2 | HELLO. |
| 3 | HEY, JOEY. |
| 4 | Hey, Pheebs. |
| 5 | LISTEN, CAN YOU DO ME A FAVOR? |
| 6 | I FORGOT THE PIN NUMBER TO MY ATM CARD. |
| 7 | CAN YOU GET IT FOR ME? |
| 8 | Sure. Where is it? |
| 9 | I SCRATCHED IT ON THE ATM MACHINE DOWN ON THE CORNER. |
| 10 | OH, SO YOU'RE 5639? |
| 11 | THAT'S IT. THANKS, PHEEBS. |
| 12 | HEY. |
| 13 | OH, DO YOU WANT TO TALK TO CHANDLER? |
| 14 | IS THAT JOEY? LET ME TALK TO HIM. |
| 15 | No, 'cause he didn't believe in my movie |
| 16 | WHICH IS A BIG MISTAKE, BECAUSE IT IS REAL. REAL. |
| 17 | I'VE BEEN TRYING TO APOLOGIZE TO HIM ALL WEEK. |
| 18 | IF HE'S NOT GOING TO LET ME DO IT ON THE PHONE |
| 19 | I'M GOING DOWN THERE, I'M GOING TO DO IT IN PERSON. |
| 20 | PHEEBS, I HEARD THAT. CAN YOU PUT HIM ON? |
| 21 | YEAH. |
| 22 | HEY. |
| 23 | DON'T COME OUT HERE. |
| 24 | NO, NO, NO, NO. I SUPPORT YOU 100% |
| 25 | AND I WANT TO PROVE THAT TO YOU IN PERSON. |
| 26 | I GOT THAT. I FORGIVE YOU. |
| 27 | DON'T COME OUT HERE. |
| 28 | YOU HAVEN'T BEEN TAKING MY CALLS FOR A WEEK. |
| 29 | I'M TOTALLY OVER IT, CHANDLER. |
| 30 | FRIENDS FOREVER. DON'T COME OUT HERE. |
| 31 | WOULD YOU MIND DOING A PICTURE WITH US? |
| 32 | WHAT WAS THAT? |
| 33 | UH, ENTERTAINMENT TONIGHT. |
| 34 | Yeah. Okay, so... |
| 35 | GOOD TALKING TO YOU, AND DON'T COME OUT HERE. |
| 36 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 37 | OKAY. |
| 38 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 39 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 40 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 41 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 42 | ♪ WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY, YOUR WEEK ♪ |
| 43 | ♪ YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 44 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 45 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME, TOO. ♪ |
| 46 | MONICA? |
| 47 | I'M SORRY I'M LATE. |
| 48 | MONICA? |
| 49 | PHOEBE? |
| 50 | OH, PHOEBE I'M SO SORRY. HAVE YOU BEEN HERE LONG? |
| 51 | THAT'S OKAY. |
| 52 | WHAT THE HELL TOOK YOU SO LONG? |
| 53 | OKAY, YOU CANNOT TELL CHANDLER, OKAY? |
| 54 | BUT I RAN INTO RICHARD. |
| 55 | WHICH RICHARD? THE RICHARD. |
| 56 | RICHARD SIMMONS? OH, MY GOD. |
| 57 | NO. MY EX-BOYFRIEND, RICHARD. |
| 58 | YOU KNOW, THE TALL GUY, MUSTACHE? |
| 59 | OH, OKAY. THAT ACTUALLY MAKES MORE SENSE. |
| 60 | SO HOW WAS IT? |
| 61 | IT WAS REALLY NICE. WE STARTED TALKING |
| 62 | AND THEN I-I ENDED UP HAVING LUNCH WITH HIM. |
| 63 | THAT IS SO WEIRD. I HAD A DREAM |
| 64 | THAT YOU HAD LUNCH WITH RICHARD. |
| 65 | REALLY? BUT AGAIN, RICHARD SIMMONS. |
| 66 | GO ON. THE STRANGE PART WAS, |
| 67 | HE WAS REALLY NICE AND HE LOOKS GREAT |
| 68 | BUT I DIDN'T FEEL ANYTHING AT ALL. |
| 69 | OOH. SO NOW, WHY CAN'T WE TELL CHANDLER? |
| 70 | BECAUSE IT'LL TOTALLY FREAK HIM OUT. |
| 71 | TOMORROW'S OUR ANNIVERSARY. I JUST DON'T WANT ANYTHING TO SPOIL THAT. |
| 72 | OH. I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU GUYS HAVE LASTED A WHOLE YEAR. |
| 73 | WOW, I OWE RACHEL 20 BUCKS. |
| 74 | WHAT? ON A TOTALLY DIFFERENT BET. |
| 75 | HEY. |
| 76 | IT'S ALMOST OUR ANNIVERSARY. |
| 77 | I KNOW. |
| 78 | CAN YOU BELIEVE IT? ONE YEAR AGO TODAY |
| 79 | I WAS JUST YOUR ANNOYING FRIEND, CHANDLER. |
| 80 | AW... NOW YOU'RE JUST MY ANNOYING FRIEND, CHANDLER. |
| 81 | HUH. I GOT YOU A PRESENT. |
| 82 | OH, BUT IT'S NOT TILL TOMORROW. |
| 83 | I KNOW, BUT YOU HAVE TO OPEN IT TODAY. |
| 84 | OKAY. |
| 85 | ( both tittering ) |
| 86 | ( tittering ) |
| 87 | OKAY! THERE YOU GO! |
| 88 | IT'S TWO TICKETS TO VEGAS! |
| 89 | WOW! YEAH, FOR THIS WEEKEND! |
| 90 | OH, GOSH, IT'LL BE PERFECT. YOU GET TO SEE JOEY. |
| 91 | PLUS, WE GET TO START OUR ANNIVERSARY CELEBRATION |
| 92 | ON THE PLANE. |
| 93 | WE CAN CALL IT OUR "PLANE-IVERSARY." |
| 94 | DO WE HAVE TO? |
| 95 | NO. OKAY, BUT THIS IS GREAT, |
| 96 | BUT JOEY SAID HE DIDN'T WANT ANY OF US OUT THERE. |
| 97 | OH, HE JUST DOESN'T WANT US TO GO THROUGH ANY TROUBLE. |
| 98 | THINK HOW EXCITED HE'S GOING TO BE |
| 99 | WHEN WE GO AND SURPRISE HIM. |
| 100 | PLUS, WE GET TO HAVE OUR OWN... |
| 101 | "ANNI-VEGAS-RY." |
| 102 | "AN-NEVADA-VERSARY"! |
| 103 | YEAH, I THINK WE SHOULD SEE OTHER PEOPLE. |
| 104 | BUT WE CAN GO, RIGHT? YES. |
| 105 | OKAY. IT'S A GREAT IDEA. |
| 106 | OKAY, I'M GOING TO GO, TOO. |
| 107 | YOU KNOW, PHEEBS, IT'S KIND OF OUR ANNIVERSARY. |
| 108 | PLEASE. YOU ARE NOT GOING TO DITCH ME AGAIN LIKE YOU DID WITH LONDON. |
| 109 | DITCH YOU? PHOEBE, YOU WERE PREGNANT WITH... |
| 110 | UH-HUH, GREAT STORY. I'M GOING. |
| 111 | HI. Phoebe: HEY. |
| 112 | HEY, YOU GUYS, LISTEN. |
| 113 | THIS WEEKEND WE'RE ALL GOING TO GO TO LAS VEGAS |
| 114 | TO SURPRISE JOEY-- |
| 115 | INCLUDING ME! |
| 116 | DO YOU WANT TO GO? |
| 117 | WELL, I GUESS I COULD TAKE A COUPLE DAYS OFF WORK. |
| 118 | OF COURSE YOU COULD TAKE A COUPLE DAYS OFF WORK |
| 119 | BECAUSE THIS TRIP INCLUDES ME! |
| 120 | OH, NO. WAIT A MINUTE. |
| 121 | WAIT. I'VE GOT A PRESENTATION TOMORROW. |
| 122 | I CAN'T MISS THAT. |
| 123 | OH, I'VE GOT TICKETS TO THE VAN GOGH EXHIBIT. |
| 124 | I'VE BEEN WAITING, LIKE, A YEAR FOR THIS. |
| 125 | SO, RACH, WHY DON'T YOU AND I FLY OUT TOGETHER SATURDAY? |
| 126 | THAT SOUNDS GREAT. |
| 127 | I'LL CALL THE AIRLINES. |
| 128 | OKAY. YEAH. |
| 129 | THAT'LL BE NICE, ACTUALLY |
| 130 | TO HAVE THE APARTMENT TO MYSELF FOR A NIGHT. |
| 131 | OH, YEAH, SO YOU CAN WALK AROUND NAKED. |
| 132 | NO. SO I CAN BE BY MYSELF. |
| 133 | YOU KNOW, HAVE A LITTLE ALONE TIME. |
| 134 | YEAH, NAKED ALONE TIME. |
| 135 | NO, PHOEBE. JUST BECAUSE I'M ALONE DOESN'T MEAN |
| 136 | I WANT TO WALK AROUND NAKED. |
| 137 | I MEAN, YOU LIVE ALONE. YOU DON'T WALK AROUND NAKED. |
| 138 | UH-HUH. WHY DO YOU THINK IT TAKES ME SO LONG TO ANSWER THE DOOR? |
| 139 | SO, SO FAR, IS THIS TRIP TO LAS VEGAS BETTER OR WORSE |
| 140 | THAN THE TRIP TO LONDON? |
| 141 | SO FAR, IT'S PRETTY MUCH THE SAME, PHEEBS. |
| 142 | OKAY. WHAT ABOUT AFTER I GIVE YOU THESE CANDIES? |
| 143 | YEAH, I GUESS IT'S A LITTLE BETTER NOW. |
| 144 | HA-HA. |
| 145 | OKAY, LAS VEGAS-- ONE; |
| 146 | LONDON-- ZERO. |
| 147 | I'LL BE RIGHT BACK. OOH. |
| 148 | HAPPY "PLANE-IVERSARY." |
| 149 | AW... I LOVE YOU. |
| 150 | CAN I GIVE YOU YOUR PRESENT NOW? |
| 151 | OKAY. OKAY. |
| 152 | OH, MAN. DON'T TELL ME I DID THIS. |
| 153 | I LOVE "I FORGOT THE PRESENT" FAKE OUT! |
| 154 | HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THE "I REALLY DID FORGET THE PRESENT |
| 155 | PLEASE FORGIVE ME" NOT FAKE OUT? |
| 156 | HONEY, THAT'S OKAY. DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT. |
| 157 | YOU CAN GIVE IT TO ME WHEN WE GET BACK. NO, THIS IS THE WORST THING |
| 158 | THAT CAN HAPPEN ON AN ANNIVERSARY EVER. |
| 159 | OH, GOOD, ALL RIGHT. YOU DECIDED TO TELL HIM |
| 160 | ABOUT THE RICHARD THING. |
| 161 | WHAT... WHAT "RICHARD THING"? |
| 162 | OH, NO. |
| 163 | WHAT "RICHARD THING"? |
| 164 | SIMMONS. GO WITH SIMMONS. |
| 165 | OKAY. I, UM... I RAN INTO RICHARD YESTERDAY |
| 166 | AND HE ASKED ME IF I WANTED TO GO FOR A BITE AND I DID. |
| 167 | THE ONLY REASON WHY I DIDN'T TELL YOU IS BECAUSE |
| 168 | I-I KNEW YOU'D GET MAD |
| 169 | AND I DIDN'T WANT TO SPOIL OUR ANNIVERSARY. |
| 170 | I'M NOT MAD. |
| 171 | REALLY? OH, YEAH. |
| 172 | YEAH, SO YOU BUMPED INTO RICHARD. |
| 173 | YOU GRABBED A BITE. |
| 174 | NO BIG DEAL. |
| 175 | GREAT. |
| 176 | OKAY, LONDON-- ONE. |
| 177 | OOH! |
| 178 | HMM. |
| 179 | ( gasps ) OH, LOOK WHAT HAPPENED. |
| 180 | HA, CHECK ME OUT. |
| 181 | I'M IN MY KITCHEN... NAKED. |
| 182 | I'M PICKING UP AN ORANGE. |
| 183 | I'M NAKED. |
| 184 | LIGHTING THE CANDLES NAKED |
| 185 | AND CAREFULLY... |
| 186 | OH, MY GOD, THAT'S RACHEL NAKED! |
| 187 | I CAN'T LOOK AT THAT. I AM LOOKING AT THIS. |
| 188 | OKAY, VIVID COLORS, EXPRESSIVE BRUSH STROKES... |
| 189 | UNLESS SHE WANTS ME TO BE LOOKING AT THAT. |
| 190 | SHE KNOWS I'M HOME. |
| 191 | SHE KNOWS I CAN SEE HER. |
| 192 | WHAT KIND OF GAME IS SHE PLAYING? |
| 193 | I THINK MAYBE SOMEONE'S LONELY TONIGHT. |
| 194 | ( chuckling ): OH, DR. GELLER, STOP IT. |
| 195 | YOU'RE BEING SILLY. |
| 196 | ( chuckles ) |
| 197 | OR AM I? |
| 198 | ♪ I... love to love you, baby ♪ |
| 199 | OW! |
| 200 | ♪ I... love to love you, baby ♪ |
| 201 | OW. ( knock on door ) |
| 202 | ♪ I... love to love you, baby ♪ |
| 203 | ( music stops ) |
| 204 | ♪ MMM... LOVE TO LOVE YOU, BABY ♪ |
| 205 | OW. DARN IT. |
| 206 | ( groans ) |
| 207 | HEY. |
| 208 | MAY I COME IN? |
| 209 | UH, YEAH, IF YOU WANT TO. |
| 210 | DO YOU WANT ME TO? |
| 211 | YEAH, SURE? |
| 212 | SO DO I. |
| 213 | OKAY, RACH, BEFORE ANYTHING HAPPENS |
| 214 | I JUST WANT TO LAY DOWN A COUPLE OF GROUND RULES. |
| 215 | THIS IS JUST ABOUT TONIGHT. |
| 216 | I DON'T WANT TO GO THROUGH WITH THIS |
| 217 | IF IT'S GOING TO RAISE THE QUESTION OF "US." |
| 218 | OKAY? I JUST WANT THIS TO BE... |
| 219 | ( shoe thumps ) |
| 220 | ABOUT WHAT IT IS. |
| 221 | AND, UM... ( clearing throat ) |
| 222 | W-WHAT IS THAT, ROSS? |
| 223 | THE PHYSICAL ACT OF LOVE. |
| 224 | WHAT? ARE YOU CRAZY? |
| 225 | OH, SO-SO YOU WEREN'T TRYING TO ENTICE ME JUST NOW |
| 226 | WITH YOUR, YOUR NAKEDNESS? |
| 227 | ( gasps ) |
| 228 | OH... GOD. |
| 229 | YOU SAW ME? |
| 230 | OH... |
| 231 | YOU WEREN'T TRYING TO ENTICE ME WITH YOUR NAKEDNESS. |
| 232 | NO, NO. |
| 233 | YOU THOUGHT... YOU ACTUALLY THOUGHT |
| 234 | I WANTED TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU? |
| 235 | OH, MY... |
| 236 | NO. |
| 237 | NO... NO. |
| 238 | NO, NO, NO, NO. |
| 239 | ♪ MONEY, MONEY, MONEY, MONEY ♪ |
| 240 | ♪ MONEY ♪ |
| 241 | ♪ MONEY, MONEY, MONEY, MONEY ♪ |
| 242 | ♪ MONEY ♪ |
| 243 | ♪ MONEY, MONEY, MONEY, MONEY ♪ |
| 244 | ♪ MONEY ♪ |
| 245 | ♪ MONEY, MONEY, MONEY, MONEY ♪ |
| 246 | HEY, YOU GUYS... WAIT. |
| 247 | YOU GUYS, THIS PLACE IS SO MUCH BETTER THAN LONDON, OKAY? |
| 248 | THIS LADY DRESSED LIKE CLEOPATRA |
| 249 | GAVE ME THIS COUPON-- |
| 250 | 99-CENT STEAK AND LOBSTER DINNER. HUH. |
| 251 | PHOEBE, YOU DON'T EAT ANIMALS. |
| 252 | FOR 99 CENTS, I'D EAT YOU. |
| 253 | OKAY. I COULD TOTALLY SETTLE DOWN HERE. |
| 254 | IT'S GOT EVERYTHING I COULD EVER WANT. |
| 255 | INCLUDING JOEY. LOOK! |
| 256 | OH, LOOK. HI! |
| 257 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 258 | HEY, JOEY! |
| 259 | HEY! HEY! |
| 260 | WOW. HI. |
| 261 | LOVE YOUR CONDOMS, MY MAN. |
| 262 | W-WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING HERE? |
| 263 | I-I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU NOT TO COME. |
| 264 | WHY ARE YOU DRESSED AS A GLADIATOR? |
| 265 | UH... BECAUSE... |
| 266 | I'M SHOOTING A SCENE RIGHT NOW. |
| 267 | YEAH, I, UH... I PLAY A GLADIATOR. |
| 268 | UH, YOU KNOW WHAT? HOLD ON A SECOND. |
| 269 | CAN WE CUT?! |
| 270 | YEAH, MY-MY FRIENDS ARE HERE. |
| 271 | I'M GOING TO TAKE A LITTLE BREAK. |
| 272 | WHO-WHO ARE YOU TALKING TO? |
| 273 | THE, UH... |
| 274 | DIRECTOR. |
| 275 | UH... HER. |
| 276 | ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. IT'S NOT A GLADIATOR MOVIE. |
| 277 | I WORK HERE. |
| 278 | WHY? WHAT HAPPENED? |
| 279 | WELL, THE MOVIE GOT SHUT DOWN |
| 280 | BECAUSE THEY RAN OUT OF MONEY |
| 281 | SO I'M WORKING HERE TILL IT STARTS UP AGAIN |
| 282 | IF IT EVER DOES. |
| 283 | OH, SUCH A DRAG. |
| 284 | LOOK, I'M SORRY I DIDN'T TELL YOU. I'M SORRY, MAN. |
| 285 | NO, NO, IT'S OKAY. APPARENTLY THERE'S A NEW POLICY |
| 286 | WHERE WE DON'T HAVE TO SHARE EVERYTHING WITH EVERYBODY. |
| 287 | I KNEW YOU WERE NOT OKAY WITH THAT. |
| 288 | SO YOU'RE A GLADIATOR? |
| 289 | YEAH, WHAT'S GOING ON? |
| 290 | MONICA HAD LUNCH WITH RICHARD. |
| 291 | DAWSON? |
| 292 | Phoebe: NO... |
| 293 | BUT THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN SO COOL. |
| 294 | NO, HER BOYFRIEND, RICHARD. |
| 295 | IT MEANT NOTHING, OKAY? |
| 296 | AFTER ALL THIS TIME, HOW CAN YOU NOT TRUST ME? |
| 297 | WHEN YOU GO LUNCHING WITH HUNKY MUSTACHE MEN |
| 298 | AND DON'T TELL ME ABOUT IT. |
| 299 | YOU'RE RIGHT. I'M SORRY, I SHOULD HAVE TOLD YOU. |
| 300 | THANKS. |
| 301 | AW, THERE WE GO. |
| 302 | I LOVE VEGAS. |
| 303 | I PROMISE YOU, NEXT TIME |
| 304 | I ABSOLUTELY WILL TELL YOU. |
| 305 | NEXT TIME? |
| 306 | OOH, SO CLOSE. |
| 307 | THERE'S NOT GOING TO BE A NEXT TIME. |
| 308 | YOU CANNOT SEE HIM EVER AGAIN. |
| 309 | I CANNOT SEE HIM? |
| 310 | I MEAN, YOU CAN'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO. |
| 311 | OH, THAT'S SO FUNNY, BECAUSE I THINK I JUST DID. |
| 312 | IF YOU'RE GOING TO BE ACTING LIKE THIS ALL NIGHT |
| 313 | I DON'T EVEN WANT TO BE AROUND YOU. |
| 314 | FINE WITH ME. FINE. HAPPY ANNIVERSARY. |
| 315 | WHOA, GUYS, GUYS, PLEASE. |
| 316 | COME ON, THIS IS OBVIOUSLY |
| 317 | JUST A BIG MISUNDERSTANDING. |
| 318 | NO, IT IS NOT. WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? |
| 319 | HEY, HEY! DON'T LOOK AT ME. |
| 320 | I JUST WORK HERE. |
| 321 | OKAY, UM... ROSS? |
| 322 | I'M A LITTLE WARM |
| 323 | SO I'M GOING TO BE TAKING OFF MY SWEATER. |
| 324 | NOW, I'M, I'M JUST LETTING YOU KNOW |
| 325 | THIS IS NOT AN INVITATION |
| 326 | TO THE PHYSICAL ACT OF LOVE. |
| 327 | YEP, THAT'S HILARIOUS. |
| 328 | I'M SORRY, I'M DONE. I'M DONE. |
| 329 | YOU KNOW, LAST NIGHT |
| 330 | WAS EMBARRASSING FOR YOU, TOO. |
| 331 | NO, NOT REALLY. |
| 332 | I JUST DON'T EMBARRASS THAT EASILY. |
| 333 | WHAT? YOU TOTALLY GET EMBARRASSED. |
| 334 | NO, I DON'T. ROSS, I THINK I'M JUST |
| 335 | A MORE SECURE PERSON THAN YOU ARE. |
| 336 | IS THAT SO? |
| 337 | YEAH. |
| 338 | HEY, LADY! |
| 339 | I DON'T CARE HOW MUCH YOU WANT IT, OKAY?! |
| 340 | I AM NOT GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU |
| 341 | IN THE BATHROOM! |
| 342 | HEY, YOU KNOW, IN ROMAN TIMES |
| 343 | THIS WAS MORE THAN JUST A HAT. |
| 344 | REALLY? |
| 345 | YEAH, SURE, SURE. |
| 346 | THEY WOULD SCRUB THE FLOORS WITH IT. |
| 347 | THEY WOULD USE IT TO GET THE MUD OFF THEIR SHOE |
| 348 | AND SOMETIMES, UNDERNEATH THE HORSE WOULD GET DIRTY |
| 349 | SO THEY WOULD STICK IT... JOEY! |
| 350 | I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS IS HOW |
| 351 | I'M SPENDING MY ANNIVERSARY. |
| 352 | ALL RIGHT, I'LL TAKE YOU SOMEPLACE NICE THEN. |
| 353 | LOOK. A GUY TIPPED ME 100 BUCKS TODAY. |
| 354 | WHOA. YEAH, YEAH. |
| 355 | HE WAS PLAYING BLACKJACK FOR LIKE AN HOUR |
| 356 | AND HE WON $5,000. |
| 357 | DO YOU BELIEVE THAT? $5,000. |
| 358 | YOU KNOW, IF I WON $5,000, I'D JOIN A GYM. |
| 359 | YOU KNOW, BUILD UP MY UPPER BODY |
| 360 | AND HIT RICHARD FROM BEHIND WITH A STICK. |
| 361 | WAIT A MINUTE. WHY DON'T I JUST DO WHAT THAT GUY DID? |
| 362 | I'LL TAKE THIS $100, TURN IT INTO $5,000 |
| 363 | AND THEN I'LL TURN THAT INTO ENOUGH MONEY |
| 364 | TO GET MY MOVIE GOING AGAIN. |
| 365 | GOOD LUCK. |
| 366 | CHANDLER, I DON'T NEED LUCK. |
| 367 | I HAVE THOUGHT THIS THROUGH. |
| 368 | I SEE. |
| 369 | THANK YOU. THANKS. |
| 370 | I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS. |
| 371 | THIS IS LIKE THE WORST NIGHT EVER. |
| 372 | YOU KNOW, MONICA, YOU HAD A MINOR SETBACK |
| 373 | IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH CHANDLER. |
| 374 | BIG DEAL. IT'S ONLY CHANDLER. |
| 375 | I AM SO SORRY. |
| 376 | THIS IS CRAZY. I MEAN, IT WAS SUCH A STUPID ARGUMENT. |
| 377 | I DIDN'T EVEN WANT TO SEE RICHARD AGAIN. |
| 378 | SO GO FIX IT. GO FIND CHANDLER. |
| 379 | HE'S PROBABLY UP IN YOUR ROOM. |
| 380 | TELL HIM THAT YOU'RE SORRY AND THAT YOU LOVE HIM. |
| 381 | YOU'RE RIGHT, PHOEBE. |
| 382 | YOU'RE RIGHT. THANK YOU. |
| 383 | SURE. |
| 384 | YEAH! LAS VEGAS-- NUMBER ONE! |
| 385 | DID ANYBODY LOSE THIS? |
| 386 | COMING OUT. PLACE YOUR BETS. |
| 387 | DICE ARE OUT. |
| 388 | YO, 11. |
| 389 | PAY THE FRONT LINE. |
| 390 | HMM. |
| 391 | SO, UH... |
| 392 | I'M ON MY WAY BACK TO THE BATHROOM. |
| 393 | YEAH, ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, JUST KEEP WALKING, ALL RIGHT? |
| 394 | ( chortling ) |
| 395 | ROSS, WHAT ARE YOU...? I'M SORRY, SIR. |
| 396 | I THINK HE JUST REALLY LIKES YOU. |
| 397 | HEY, YOU KNOW |
| 398 | THAT TEACHER WHO HAD A BABY WITH HER STUDENT? |
| 399 | ( humming tune ) |
| 400 | WHAT THE?! HI. |
| 401 | MAY I HELP YOU? YES, I'M SORRY. |
| 402 | DO YOU HAVE ANY EXTRA PANTS? |
| 403 | MY FRIEND SEEMS TO HAVE HAD A LITTLE "ACCIDENT." |
| 404 | CAN I CHANGE $100? |
| 405 | CHANGING $100. |
| 406 | GOOD LUCK, SIR. |
| 407 | THANKS. |
| 408 | THAT'S RIGHT. |
| 409 | THIRTEEN. |
| 410 | HIT ME. |
| 411 | OH, MAN! |
| 412 | WAIT. |
| 413 | CHANDLER, YOU ARE NOT GOING TO BELIEVE THIS. |
| 414 | I HAVE FOUND MY IDENTICAL HAND TWIN. |
| 415 | WHAT? |
| 416 | MY IDENTICAL HAND TWIN. |
| 417 | WHAT'S AN IDENTICAL HAND TWIN? |
| 418 | IT WAS INCREDIBLE. CHANDLER, THE DEALER'S HANDS |
| 419 | WERE EXACTLY LIKE MINE. |
| 420 | IT WAS LIKE LOOKING AT MY HANDS IN A MIRROR. |
| 421 | ARE YOU SURE YOU WEREN'T |
| 422 | LOOKING AT YOUR HANDS IN A MIRROR? |
| 423 | DON'T YOU SEE WHAT THIS MEANS? |
| 424 | I CAN FORGET ABOUT THAT STUPID MOVIE. |
| 425 | I'M GOING TO BE A MILLIONAIRE! |
| 426 | HOW? |
| 427 | LOOK, I DON'T HAVE IT ALL WORKED OUT YET |
| 428 | BUT IT'S GOT TO MEAN BIG MONEY. |
| 429 | COME ON, IDENTICAL HANDS. |
| 430 | AGAIN I MUST GO BACK TO... |
| 431 | HOW? |
| 432 | THIS IS VEGAS, MAN. |
| 433 | PEOPLE WILL PAY TO SEE FREAKY STUFF. |
| 434 | HOW MUCH WOULD YOU PAY TO SEE THIS HAND... |
| 435 | TWICE? |
| 436 | HUH? |
| 437 | YOU KNOW, I CAN'T REALLY PUT A PRICE ON THAT, JOE. |
| 438 | HEY, ARE YOU UNSUPPORTING ME AGAIN? |
| 439 | NO, NO. I SUPPORT YOU 100%. |
| 440 | I JUST DIDN'T... I DIDN'T GET IT RIGHT AWAY. |
| 441 | NOW I'M CAUGHT UP. |
| 442 | IDENTICAL HAND TWINS. |
| 443 | IT'S A MILLION-DOLLAR IDEA. |
| 444 | RIGHT? |
| 445 | ( knocking ) |
| 446 | HEY. PHEEBS... |
| 447 | YEAH? I FOUND MY IDENTICAL HAND TWIN! |
| 448 | OH, YOU'RE SO LUCKY. |
| 449 | HEY. |
| 450 | SO, WHERE'S MONICA? |
| 451 | DID YOU GUYS MAKE UP? |
| 452 | NO. |
| 453 | BUT SHE JUST CAME UP HERE. |
| 454 | THAT WAS JOEY. |
| 455 | I WONDER WHERE SHE IS. THAT'S SO WEIRD. |
| 456 | YEAH, WELL, SHE'S PROBABLY TALKING TO RICHARD. |
| 457 | WOULD YOU STOP THAT? |
| 458 | YOU WANT TO KNOW THE FIRST THING SHE SAID |
| 459 | WHEN SHE CAME BACK FROM HER LUNCH WITH RICHARD? |
| 460 | SHE DIDN'T FEEL ANYTHING FOR HIM. |
| 461 | SHE LOVES YOU. |
| 462 | REALLY? YES. |
| 463 | SHE FEELS TERRIBLE. |
| 464 | SHE REALLY WANTS TO MAKE UP. |
| 465 | YOU'VE GOT TO FIND HER. |
| 466 | OKAY. |
| 467 | GOOD. |
| 468 | I SHOULD REALLY START WEARING HATS. |
| 469 | YAY! |
| 470 | YES! YES! |
| 471 | COME ON! |
| 472 | WHERE ARE THE DICE? |
| 473 | WELCOME TO LAS VEGAS. |
| 474 | DID YOU ENJOY... YOUR FLIGHT? |
| 475 | YES, I DID. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. |
| 476 | IT WAS EXCELLENT. |
| 477 | HOPE YOU HAD A NICE FLIGHT. |
| 478 | OH, IT WAS THE BEST. |
| 479 | |
| 1 | Previously on "Friends"... |
| 2 | DON'T COME OUT HERE. |
| 3 | YOU CANNOT TELL CHANDLER, BUT I RAN INTO RICHARD. |
| 4 | WHICH RICHARD? |
| 5 | MY EX-BOYFRIEND RICHARD. |
| 6 | THIS IS THE WORST THING |
| 7 | THAT CAN HAPPEN ON AN ANNIVERSARY. |
| 8 | OH, GOOD. YOU DECIDED TO TELL HIM |
| 9 | ABOUT THE RICHARD THING. |
| 10 | OH, NO. |
| 11 | YOU CANNOT SEE HIM EVER AGAIN. |
| 12 | YOU CAN'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO. |
| 13 | THAT'S SO FUNNY. |
| 14 | I THINK I JUST DID. |
| 15 | I HAVE FOUND MY IDENTICAL HAND TWIN. |
| 16 | WHAT'S AN IDENTICAL HAND TWIN? |
| 17 | IT'S A GUY WITH MY IDENTICAL HANDS. |
| 18 | I'M GOING TO BE A MILLIONAIRE. |
| 19 | YAY! |
| 20 | YES, COME ON! |
| 21 | YOU ACTUALLY THOUGHT I WANTED TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU? |
| 22 | NO. |
| 23 | LAST NIGHT WAS EMBARRASSING FOR YOU, TOO. |
| 24 | I JUST DON'T EMBARRASS THAT EASILY. |
| 25 | I THINK THE CHECK-IN IS THAT WAY. |
| 26 | AH. |
| 27 | ( laughing ) |
| 28 | ( laughs ) |
| 29 | HELLO! |
| 30 | OH, KIDS LOVE ME. |
| 31 | HEY! |
| 32 | PHOEBE! |
| 33 | YOU GUYS ARE HERE! |
| 34 | YAY! |
| 35 | WHAT'D YOU DO, GO TO A COSTUME PARTY? |
| 36 | LET ME GUESS. |
| 37 | PANCHO VILLA. |
| 38 | ( chuckling ) |
| 39 | AND YOU'RE BOB SAGET. |
| 40 | "PANCHO VILLA"? |
| 41 | YEAH. |
| 42 | WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, PHEEBS? I DON'T... |
| 43 | ( gasps ) |
| 44 | OH, MY GOD! |
| 45 | YOU DREW ON ME? |
| 46 | HEY, YOU WET MY PANTS! |
| 47 | HEY... |
| 48 | WHOA, WHAT KIND OF PARTY WAS THIS? |
| 49 | ROSS, I HAVE BEEN WALKING AROUND LIKE THIS SINCE THE PLANE? |
| 50 | YOU HAVE SO CROSSED A LINE. |
| 51 | RACH, WAIT. |
| 52 | THE MEN'S ROOM IS THAT WAY. |
| 53 | ( coins clinking ) |
| 54 | OH! |
| 55 | WHAT? |
| 56 | THAT'S, LIKE, THE THIRD TIME THAT LADY'S WON |
| 57 | ON A MACHINE I WAS PLAYING. |
| 58 | OH, I BET SHE'S ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE. |
| 59 | M-M-MOLE PEOPLE? |
| 60 | WHAT? NO. NO, A LURKER. |
| 61 | OH. WHAT'S A LURKER? |
| 62 | OKAY, WHEN YOU'RE PLAYING A MACHINE |
| 63 | AND IT HASN'T PAID OUT |
| 64 | A LURKER WAITS FOR YOU TO GIVE UP AND THEN... |
| 65 | KILLS YOU? |
| 66 | NO, THEY SWOOP IN AND STEAL YOUR JACKPOT. |
| 67 | OH. MM-HMM. |
| 68 | HOW DO YOU KNOW ABOUT THIS? |
| 69 | MY NANA USED TO DO IT, MM-HMM. |
| 70 | THAT'S HOW SHE PAID FOR ALL MY DANCE... |
| 71 | KARATE LESSONS. |
| 72 | DANCE KARATE? |
| 73 | YES. IT'S A DEADLY BUT BEAUTIFUL SPORT. |
| 74 | OKAY |
| 75 | IT WON'T COME OFF. |
| 76 | WHAT? |
| 77 | IT WON'T COME OFF. |
| 78 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 79 | RACH, ARE YOU SURE? |
| 80 | NO. ACTUALLY, I TOOK IT OFF AND THEN I DREW IT BACK ON. |
| 81 | HEY, HEY! YOU MADE IT! |
| 82 | JOEY! HEY, HEY! |
| 83 | HI. |
| 84 | WHO'S YOUR FRIEND? HE'S HOT. |
| 85 | ( chuckles ) |
| 86 | THANKS, MAN. |
| 87 | HEY, LISTEN, I TALKED TO CHANDLER. |
| 88 | I'M SORRY ABOUT THE MOVIE. |
| 89 | DON'T BE SORRY. |
| 90 | I DON'T NEED IT ANYMORE. |
| 91 | I FOUND MY IDENTICAL HAND TWIN. |
| 92 | YOUR WHAT? |
| 93 | MY IDENTICAL HAND TWIN. |
| 94 | YEAH, THE PERSON WHOSE HANDS ARE EXACTLY LIKE MINE. |
| 95 | THIS THING IS A GOLD MINE. |
| 96 | WHAT? |
| 97 | WHA...? HOW...? |
| 98 | THAT'S NOT GOING TO MAKE YOU ANY MONEY. |
| 99 | OKAY. WELL, IF THAT'S HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT IT, FINE. |
| 100 | NONE OF YOU ARE GOING TO GET TO LIVE WITH ME |
| 101 | IN MY GREAT BIG HAND-SHAPED MANSION. |
| 102 | 'CEPT YOU, PHEEBS. |
| 103 | YOU CAN LIVE IN THE THUMB. |
| 104 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 105 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 106 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 107 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 108 | ♪ WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY, YOUR WEEK ♪ |
| 109 | ♪ YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 110 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 111 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME, TOO. ♪ |
| 112 | ALL RIGHT, BABY, COME ON! |
| 113 | YES! YES! YES! |
| 114 | I AM ON FIRE! |
| 115 | SEE YOU LATER, MON. |
| 116 | CHANDLER, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? |
| 117 | WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE? I'M GOING HOME. |
| 118 | WAIT. WHY? |
| 119 | CHANDLER? |
| 120 | CHANDLER, LOOK. |
| 121 | I'M SORRY. |
| 122 | I WAS JUST PLAYING FOR ONE SECOND. |
| 123 | I WAS TRYING TO FIND YOU AND TELL YOU THAT... |
| 124 | LOOK, IF YOU DON'T WANT ME TO SEE RICHARD AGAIN, I WON'T. |
| 125 | HE MEANS NOTHING TO ME. |
| 126 | OH, COME ON. |
| 127 | I WAS THERE. |
| 128 | I KNOW HE'S THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE. |
| 129 | NOT ANYMORE. |
| 130 | REALLY? |
| 131 | REALLY. |
| 132 | ALL RIGHT? |
| 133 | LET'S FORGET ABOUT THIS "GOING HOME" STUFF |
| 134 | AND START CELEBRATING OUR ANNIVERSARY. |
| 135 | OKAY, THIS IS EMPTY. |
| 136 | YEAH, I WANTED TO MAKE A DRAMATIC SCENE |
| 137 | BUT I HATE PACKING. |
| 138 | ( chuckles ) |
| 139 | UH, HEY, WHERE'S THE OTHER GUY? |
| 140 | WHICH GUY? |
| 141 | HE'S KIND OF TALL, DARK HAIR |
| 142 | HAND LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE THIS, SEE? |
| 143 | I DON'T KNOW ABOUT THE HANDS |
| 144 | BUT THE GUY WHO WAS HERE BEFORE ME |
| 145 | JUST WENT TO THE RESTROOM. |
| 146 | OKAY. |
| 147 | HOW YOU DOING? |
| 148 | VERY BUSY. |
| 149 | ALL RIGHT! OKAY! |
| 150 | YES, HELLO, I HAVE A QUESTION. |
| 151 | UM, I USED YOUR PEN TO DRAW ON MY FRIEND'S FACE. |
| 152 | A BEARD AND A MUSTACHE. |
| 153 | ( chuckles ) |
| 154 | THANK YOU. |
| 155 | NO, SHE DIDN'T THINK SO. |
| 156 | I KNOW. IT'S, LIKE... |
| 157 | ANYWAY, UM... |
| 158 | MAKEUP DIDN'T COVER IT AND WE'VE TRIED EVERYTHING |
| 159 | TO GET IT OFF AND NOTHING'S WORKED. |
| 160 | WHAT DO WE DO? |
| 161 | YEAH. |
| 162 | UH-HUH... YEAH. |
| 163 | OH, OKAY. |
| 164 | OKAY, THANK YOU. |
| 165 | YEAH, IT'S NOT COMING OFF. |
| 166 | WHAT? |
| 167 | WHAT ELSE DID HE SAY? |
| 168 | UM, HE SAID HE THOUGHT I WAS FUNNY, SO... |
| 169 | OKAY, LOOK, LOOK, LET'S JUST GO DOWNSTAIRS, WE'LL HAVE SOME FUN |
| 170 | AND YOU WILL FORGET ALL ABOUT IT. |
| 171 | ROSS, NO! |
| 172 | THERE IS NO WAY I AM LEAVING THIS ROOM LOOKING LIKE THIS. |
| 173 | OH, COME ON, RACH, IT'S NOT THAT BAD. |
| 174 | ROSS, I AM A HUMAN DOODLE! |
| 175 | LOOK, JUST BECAUSE SOME IDIOT DREW ON YOUR FACE |
| 176 | DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE ANY FUN, OKAY? |
| 177 | BESIDES-- HEY, HEY, HEY |
| 178 | NO ONE'S GOING TO EVEN LOOK AT YOU, OKAY? |
| 179 | THIS IS VEGAS, HELLO? |
| 180 | THERE ARE TONS OF OTHER FREAKS HERE. |
| 181 | THERE ARE TONS OF FREAKS HERE, NO OTHER. |
| 182 | COME ON. NO ONE WILL NOTICE, I SWEAR. |
| 183 | COME ON. |
| 184 | OKAY, THERE WAS SOME STARING AND POINTING. |
| 185 | OKAY, I NEED, I NEED A DRINK. |
| 186 | HEY, YOU KNOW, THEY REALLY OVERCHARGE YOU |
| 187 | FOR THAT STUFF. |
| 188 | BUT WHO CARES, BECAUSE IT'S ALL ON ME. |
| 189 | ( bottles clinking ) |
| 190 | THAT IS ONE BIG DRINK. |
| 191 | MACADAMIA NUT? |
| 192 | UM, WOW! |
| 193 | THAT'S, THAT'S SOME PRICEY NUT. |
| 194 | MM. |
| 195 | YOU REALLY LIKE THOSE MACADAMIA NUTS, HUH? |
| 196 | NOPE. |
| 197 | GET OUT OF HERE, YOU LURKER! |
| 198 | GO ON, GET! |
| 199 | ( coin clinks ) |
| 200 | HEY, PHEEBS. |
| 201 | YOU MADE UP. |
| 202 | YEAH, I COULDN'T BE MAD AT HIM FOR TOO LONG. |
| 203 | YEAH, SHE COULDN'T LIVE WITHOUT THE CHAND-LOVE. |
| 204 | OKAY, GET A ROOM. |
| 205 | WE HAVE ONE. |
| 206 | I KNOW. USE IT. |
| 207 | OH, YEAH. |
| 208 | THAT'S RIGHT. |
| 209 | YOU TAKE GOOD CARE OF THOSE BABIES. |
| 210 | EXCUSE ME? |
| 211 | IT'S ME, JOEY. |
| 212 | DO I KNOW YOU? |
| 213 | JOEY... |
| 214 | OH, YEAH. |
| 215 | YEAH, THE HAND GUY. |
| 216 | OKAY, SO, WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO |
| 217 | ABOUT THIS HAND TWIN THING? |
| 218 | NOTHING. |
| 219 | LOOK, YOU AND I HAVE BEEN GIVEN A GIFT, OKAY? |
| 220 | WE HAVE TO DO SOMETHING WITH IT |
| 221 | LIKE HAND MODELING, HUH? |
| 222 | OR MAGIC. |
| 223 | AND YOU KNOW NASA's GOING TO WANT TO TALK TO US. |
| 224 | I HAVE TO GET BACK TO WORK. |
| 225 | WHOA, WHOA, WHOA! |
| 226 | WE COULD HAVE OUR OWN SHOW, YOU KNOW? |
| 227 | WE COULD CLAP OUR HANDS TOGETHER. |
| 228 | PEOPLE WILL LOVE IT |
| 229 | HUH? |
| 230 | AND I WROTE A SONG FOR US. |
| 231 | ♪ THIS HAND IS YOUR HAND ♪ |
| 232 | ♪ THIS HAND IS MY HAND ♪ |
| 233 | ♪ OH, WAIT, THAT'S YOUR HAND ♪ |
| 234 | ♪ NO, WAIT. IT'S MY HAND. ♪ |
| 235 | SEE? |
| 236 | THAT'S OKAY. |
| 237 | BUT YOU HAVEN'T EVEN HEARD THE CHORUS! |
| 238 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 239 | I'M STARTING TO LOOK LIKE MY GREAT-AUNT MURIEL. |
| 240 | ALL RIGHT, YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 241 | WE DON'T HAVE TO GO DOWNSTAIRS. |
| 242 | WE CAN BRING VEGAS UP TO US. |
| 243 | ALL RIGHT, COME ON. COME ON. |
| 244 | LET'S GO. WE'LL PLAY SOME BLACKJACK. |
| 245 | HERE WE GO. 13. |
| 246 | HIT ME. |
| 247 | OOH, 23. |
| 248 | WHICH IS WHAT WE PLAY TO AT THIS CASINO. |
| 249 | YOU WIN TEN DOLLARS. |
| 250 | I BET $20. |
| 251 | RIGHT. |
| 252 | ( people clamoring ) |
| 253 | A NEW PAIR OF SHOES FOR THE CHAN-CHAN MAN. |
| 254 | YES! |
| 255 | I'VE NEVER SEEN A ROLL LIKE THIS IN MY LIFE! |
| 256 | THAT'S RIGHT, BABY! |
| 257 | OKAY, WHAT DO I WANT NOW? |
| 258 | OKAY, UH, AN EIGHT. |
| 259 | UH, A SIX. |
| 260 | PICK A NUMBER! |
| 261 | THAT IS YOUR ONLY JOB! |
| 262 | EIGHT, EIGHT. |
| 263 | THANK YOU. |
| 264 | OKAY, IF YOU GET THIS ONE |
| 265 | WE BUY EVERYBODY HERE A STEAK DINNER. |
| 266 | ( all cheer ) |
| 267 | Croupier: EIGHT AGAIN. |
| 268 | YES! YES! |
| 269 | WE AREN'T REALLY GOING |
| 270 | TO BUY THESE PEOPLE STEAK DINNERS, ARE WE? |
| 271 | NO. |
| 272 | OKAY, GOOD. |
| 273 | OKAY, WHAT DO I WANT NOW? |
| 274 | UH, TRY A HARD EIGHT. |
| 275 | WHAT? TWO FOURS. |
| 276 | OKAY. |
| 277 | Croupier: EIGHT THE HARD WAY. |
| 278 | YES! |
| 279 | DON'T YOU LET HER GO. |
| 280 | YOU'RE A LUCKY GUY. |
| 281 | THANK YOU, MR. DRUNKEN GAMBLER. |
| 282 | OKAY, YOU GET THIS |
| 283 | AND WE GET THE BIGGEST SUITE IN THE PLACE. |
| 284 | WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. |
| 285 | WE GET THE BIGGEST SUITE IN THE PLACE. |
| 286 | ( all groan ) |
| 287 | ALL RIGHT, THE BIGGEST SUITE IN THE PLACE. |
| 288 | COME ON. |
| 289 | YES! I LOVE YOU! |
| 290 | I CAN'T EVEN REMEMBER WHAT WE WERE FIGHTING ABOUT. |
| 291 | THAT'S 'CAUSE I HAD LUNCH WITH RI... |
| 292 | ME, NEITHER! |
| 293 | OKAY, WHAT DO I WANT NOW? |
| 294 | ANOTHER HARD EIGHT. |
| 295 | "HARD EIGHT"? |
| 296 | YOU SHOULD CALL IT "EASY EIGHT." |
| 297 | OKAY, OKAY, I'LL TELL YOU WHAT. |
| 298 | YOU ROLL ANOTHER HARD EIGHT... |
| 299 | AND WE GET MARRIED HERE TONIGHT. |
| 300 | COME ON, ROLL! |
| 301 | SHUT UP! |
| 302 | IT JUST GOT INTERESTING! |
| 303 | WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY? |
| 304 | YOU ROLL ANOTHER HARD EIGHT |
| 305 | AND WE GET MARRIED HERE TONIGHT. |
| 306 | ARE YOU SERIOUS? |
| 307 | YES. I LOVE YOU. |
| 308 | I'VE NEVER LOVED ANYBODY AS MUCH AS I LOVE YOU. |
| 309 | I'VE NEVER LOVED ANYBODY AS MUCH AS I LOVE YOU. |
| 310 | OKAY, SO IF AN EIGHT COMES UP |
| 311 | WE TAKE IT AS A SIGN AND WE DO IT. |
| 312 | WHAT DO YOU SAY? |
| 313 | OKAY! |
| 314 | OKAY. |
| 315 | HARD EIGHT. |
| 316 | ( everyone cheering ) |
| 317 | ( disappointed groans ) |
| 318 | OKAY, THAT'S A FOUR! |
| 319 | AND WHERE... WHERE... WHERE'S THE OTHER ONE? |
| 320 | IT WENT UNDER THE TABLE. |
| 321 | NOBODY MOVE! |
| 322 | OKAY, YOU LOOK THAT WAY, I'LL LOOK THIS WAY! |
| 323 | HERE IT IS. HERE IT IS. |
| 324 | THAT COULD BE A FOUR OR A FIVE. |
| 325 | IT'S YOUR CALL. |
| 326 | IT'S A FOUR. |
| 327 | I THINK SO, TOO. |
| 328 | OH, WELL. LOST AGAIN. |
| 329 | THAT'S IT! |
| 330 | YOU AND ME, OUTSIDE! |
| 331 | I WOULDN'T WANT TO SEE YOU LOSE |
| 332 | A CHUNK OF THAT PRETTY BLOND HAIR. |
| 333 | OH! |
| 334 | BE COOL. BE COOL. |
| 335 | ( quietly conversing ) |
| 336 | OKAY, LADY, YOUR LURKING DAYS ARE OVER. |
| 337 | WHAT?! YEAH. |
| 338 | FROM NOW ON, EVERYONE YOU LURK |
| 339 | I'M GOING TO LURK FIRST. |
| 340 | IF YOU MOVE ON TO SOMEONE ELSE |
| 341 | I'M GOING TO BE ONE STEP AHEAD OF YOU |
| 342 | EVERY SINGLE TIME. |
| 343 | AND THEN I'LL BE ON YOUR ASS EVERY HOUR OF EVERY DAY... |
| 344 | TILL MONDAY. |
| 345 | 'CAUSE THAT'S WHEN I GO HOME. |
| 346 | WHEN DO YOU LEAVE? |
| 347 | ALSO MONDAY. |
| 348 | WHAT TIME? |
| 349 | MAYBE WE CAN SHARE A CAB. |
| 350 | HIT ME. |
| 351 | HIT ME. |
| 352 | HIT ME. |
| 353 | HIT ME. |
| 354 | HIT ME. |
| 355 | HIT ME. |
| 356 | ( heavy sigh ) |
| 357 | WE NEED MORE CARDS. |
| 358 | YEAH, AND WE ALSO NEED MORE, UM, DRINKS. |
| 359 | HOLD ON A SECOND. |
| 360 | WOOP. OKAY. |
| 361 | HELLO, VEGAS? YEAH. |
| 362 | WE WOULD LIKE SOME MORE ALCOHOL AND YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE? |
| 363 | WE WOULD LIKE SOME MORE BEERS. |
| 364 | WHA...? HELLO? |
| 365 | OH, I FORGOT TO DIAL. |
| 366 | ( knocking on door ) |
| 367 | THAT MUST BE OUR ALCOHOL AND BEERS. |
| 368 | HEY. HEY, IT'S JOEY! |
| 369 | I LOVE JOEY! |
| 370 | Rachel: OH, I LOVE JOEY! |
| 371 | OH, JOEY LIVES WITH A DUCK. |
| 372 | HI! |
| 373 | OKAY. |
| 374 | ALL RIGHT, LOOK, LOOK, LOOK, YOU GUYS. |
| 375 | I NEED SOME HELP, OKAY? |
| 376 | SOMEONE HAS GOT TO HELP ME |
| 377 | CONVINCE MY HAND TWIN TO COOPERATE. |
| 378 | I'LL DO IT. |
| 379 | HEY, WHATEVER YOU NEED ME TO DO, I'M YOUR MAN. |
| 380 | HEY. |
| 381 | WHOA... WHOA... WHOA. |
| 382 | ARE YOU... ARE YOU OKAY? |
| 383 | YEAH. FINE. THANKS. |
| 384 | HEY, RACH. |
| 385 | HOW YOU DOIN'? |
| 386 | I'M DOIN' GOOD, BABY. HOW YOU DOIN'? |
| 387 | YEAH. |
| 388 | ROSS, DON'T LET HER DRINK ANYMORE. |
| 389 | OH... |
| 390 | HERE'S THAT MACADAMIA NUT. |
| 391 | OH. |
| 392 | NOPE. SOMETHING ELSE. |
| 393 | OOPS. |
| 394 | ( Rachel laughing ) |
| 395 | ALL RIGHT, SO WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO NOW? |
| 396 | I WANT TO GET OUT OF THE ROOM. |
| 397 | I... YOU KNOW, I... |
| 398 | I REALLY MISS DOWNSTAIRS. |
| 399 | MMM. |
| 400 | OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 401 | THERE IS ONLY ONE WAY I AM LEAVING THIS HOTEL ROOM. |
| 402 | WELL, HELLO. |
| 403 | HI. WELCOME TO VEGAS. |
| 404 | I'M ROSS. |
| 405 | GOOD LUCK TO YOU. |
| 406 | EXCUSE ME, SIR. |
| 407 | YOU'VE GOT A LITTLE SOMETHING RIGHT... |
| 408 | ( both laughing ) |
| 409 | OH. WOW. |
| 410 | HELLO. |
| 411 | HELLO. |
| 412 | HELLO. HELLO. |
| 413 | ( meowing ): HELLO. |
| 414 | NO! OH! |
| 415 | WHOO! |
| 416 | I WON! |
| 417 | I WON! I FINALLY WON! |
| 418 | I WON! THAT WAS MY QUARTER! |
| 419 | HERE. TAKE A HIKE, TOOTS. |
| 420 | ( gasping ) |
| 421 | EXCUSE ME, SIR. |
| 422 | THIS LADY PLAYED MY QUARTER. |
| 423 | THIS IS MY MONEY. |
| 424 | IS THAT TRUE, MISS? |
| 425 | ( mumbling ): UM... SELLS DRUGS TO KIDS. |
| 426 | WHAT? |
| 427 | SHE SELLS DRUGS TO KIDS. |
| 428 | IT WAS MY QUARTER. |
| 429 | WAS IT HER QUARTER? |
| 430 | HOW ABOUT WE TALK ABOUT THIS OVER DINNER, HUH? |
| 431 | OKAY, LADY, YOU'RE OUT OF HERE. |
| 432 | NO, NO, YOU CAN'T ARREST ME! |
| 433 | NO, I WON'T GO BACK! I WON'T GO BACK TO THAT HELLHOLE! |
| 434 | I'M JUST TAKING YOU OUTSIDE. |
| 435 | OH, OKAY. |
| 436 | Monica: OKAY, COME ON, I CAN'T GET MARRIED |
| 437 | UNTIL I GET SOMETHING OLD, SOMETHING NEW |
| 438 | SOMETHING BORROWED AND SOMETHING BLUE. |
| 439 | OKAY, OKAY. |
| 440 | ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. OKAY. |
| 441 | OKAY, HERE'S SOMETHING BLUE AND NEW. |
| 442 | YOU ARE SO EFFICIENT. |
| 443 | I LOVE YOU. |
| 444 | LET'S GO. |
| 445 | NO, NO, NO, WAIT! |
| 446 | WE NEED SOMETHING OLD. |
| 447 | UH, OKAY... I HAVE A CONDOM IN MY WALLET |
| 448 | THAT I'VE HAD SINCE I WAS 12. |
| 449 | THAT'LL WORK. |
| 450 | I DON'T THINK SO. |
| 451 | OKAY, NOW WE JUST NEED SOMETHING BORROWED. |
| 452 | HERE, JUST TAKE THIS. |
| 453 | THAT'S STEALING. |
| 454 | WE'LL... WE'LL BRING IT BACK. |
| 455 | JUST PUT IT UNDER YOUR DRESS. |
| 456 | AW. |
| 457 | OKAY, ONE THING AT A TIME. |
| 458 | ( groaning ) |
| 459 | ARE YOU GOING TO PLAY? |
| 460 | NO, NO. I DON'T REALLY HAVE ANY MONEY. |
| 461 | ( chuckling ) |
| 462 | NOT YET, ANYWAY. HUH? |
| 463 | CAN'T SIT HERE IF YOU'RE NOT GOING TO PLAY. |
| 464 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 465 | OH, YEAH. |
| 466 | OH, HOO-HOO-HOO-HOO. |
| 467 | OH... |
| 468 | HELLO. |
| 469 | MY NAME IS REGINA FILANGIE. |
| 470 | I'M A BUSINESSWOMAN IN TOWN ON BUSINESS. |
| 471 | WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE MY CARD? |
| 472 | OH, WHAT DID I DO WITH MY FILOFAX? |
| 473 | I MUST'VE LEFT IT IN CONFERENCE ROOM "B." |
| 474 | FOURTEEN. |
| 475 | HIT ME. |
| 476 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 477 | MAY I JUST SAY THAT YOU TWO GENTLEMEN |
| 478 | HAVE THE EXACT SAME HANDS? |
| 479 | ( Joey gasping ) |
| 480 | THEY'RE IDENTICAL. |
| 481 | NOW, I'VE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE THAT IN THE BUSINESS WORLD. |
| 482 | STOP IT. |
| 483 | MISS FILANGIE? |
| 484 | MAY I ASK YOU A QUESTION |
| 485 | AS AN IMPARTIAL PERSON AT THIS TABLE? |
| 486 | PLEASE STOP IT. |
| 487 | HUH... UH, WOULDN'T YOU PAY GOOD MONEY |
| 488 | TO SEE THESE IDENTICAL HANDS SHOWCASED |
| 489 | IN SOME TYPE OF A, UH, ENTERTAINMENT VENUE, HUH? |
| 490 | IF YOU LEAVE NOW, I WILL CHOP OFF MY HAND AND GIVE IT TO YOU. |
| 491 | DIDN'T I JUST THROW YOU OUT OF HERE? |
| 492 | NO, YOU THREW OUT PHOEBE. |
| 493 | I'M REGINA FILANGIE. |
| 494 | FILANGIE. |
| 495 | COME ON, LADY. |
| 496 | PLEASE... PLEASE TAKE HIM, TOO. |
| 497 | ME?! OH, COME ON, MAN. |
| 498 | FORGET ABOUT IT, BUDDY. COME ON. |
| 499 | WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA! |
| 500 | DON'T LET HIM DO THIS! COME ON! |
| 501 | I'M YOUR HAND TWIN! |
| 502 | HELLO. ONE MARRIAGE, PLEASE. |
| 503 | YEP. WE WANT TO GET MARRIED. |
| 504 | WELL, THERE'S A SERVICE IN PROGRESS. |
| 505 | HAVE A SEAT. |
| 506 | ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT. |
| 507 | ( humming "Pomp and Circumstance" ) |
| 508 | WHAT ARE YOU DOING? |
| 509 | UH, THAT'S "THE WEDDING MARCH." |
| 510 | DOES THAT FREAK YOU OUT? |
| 511 | NO, ONLY BECAUSE IT'S THE GRADUATION SONG. |
| 512 | ( wedding processional playing) |
| 513 | OKAY, THIS IS IT. |
| 514 | WE'RE GOING TO GET MARRIED. |
| 515 | ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO DO THIS? |
| 516 | ( both laughing ) |
| 517 | WELL, HELLO, MRS. ROSS. |
| 518 | WOO-HOO! WELL, HELLO, MR. RACHEL. |
| 519 | ( both laughing ) |
| 520 | WAIT! OKAY. |
| 521 | [Captioned by The Caption Center WGBH Educational Foundation] |
| 522 | |
| 1 | OKAY, THIS IS IT. |
| 2 | YOU SURE YOU WANT TO DO THIS? |
| 3 | ( laughing ) |
| 4 | HELLO, MRS. ROSS! |
| 5 | WHY, HELLO, MR. RACHEL! |
| 6 | WHOA! |
| 7 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 8 | ( rapid footsteps ) |
| 9 | HURRY! HURRY! HURRY UP! |
| 10 | YEAH, YEAH, OKAY. |
| 11 | HURRY! HURRY! |
| 12 | OH, MY GOD! |
| 13 | IS EVERYBODY GETTING MARRIED?! |
| 14 | NO RUNNING IN THE CHAPEL. |
| 15 | HEY, DON'T YOU GIVE ME ANY OF YOUR... |
| 16 | HEY! |
| 17 | HEY. |
| 18 | HEY, WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING HERE? |
| 19 | ROSS AND RACHEL LEFT US A MESSAGE |
| 20 | SAYING THEY WERE GETTING MARRIED. |
| 21 | ISN'T THAT WHY YOU GUYS ARE HERE? |
| 22 | YES. WELL, YES... |
| 23 | WHY ELSE WOULD WE BE HERE? |
| 24 | WELL, WHAT HAPPENED? |
| 25 | DID WE MISS IT? |
| 26 | WE ACTUALLY MISSED IT. |
| 27 | WELL, MAYBE YOU WOULDN'T HAVE |
| 28 | IF YOU COULD RUN IN THE CHAPEL! |
| 29 | THIS IS INSANE. |
| 30 | WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL? |
| 31 | YOU KNOW, IT'S NOT LIKE IT'S A REAL MARRIAGE. |
| 32 | WHAT? |
| 33 | IF YOU GET MARRIED IN VEGAS, YOU'RE ONLY MARRIED IN VEGAS. |
| 34 | Monica: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? |
| 35 | IF YOU GET MARRIED IN VEGAS, YOU'RE MARRIED EVERYWHERE. |
| 36 | REALLY? |
| 37 | YEAH. |
| 38 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 39 | EH, WELL. |
| 40 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 41 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 42 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 43 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 44 | ♪ WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY, YOUR WEEK ♪ |
| 45 | ♪ YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 46 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 47 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME, TOO. ♪ |
| 48 | ( clattering ) |
| 49 | HMM... |
| 50 | OH. |
| 51 | ( groans ) |
| 52 | ( gasps ) |
| 53 | ( both screaming ) |
| 54 | WHY ARE WE IN BED TOGETHER? |
| 55 | I DON'T KNOW. |
| 56 | DO YOU... DO YOU HAVE |
| 57 | ANY CLOTHES ON? |
| 58 | YES. |
| 59 | REALLY? |
| 60 | NO. |
| 61 | BUT WE DIDN'T HAVE... |
| 62 | SEX, DID WE? |
| 63 | I DON'T... |
| 64 | I DON'T REMEMBER MUCH ABOUT LAST NIGHT. |
| 65 | IT WAS SUCH A BLUR. |
| 66 | OH! |
| 67 | I REMEMBER LAUGHING. |
| 68 | I LAUGHED A LOT. |
| 69 | THEN WE DIDN'T HAVE SEX. |
| 70 | ( groans ) |
| 71 | OH, I MEAN, WE WERE REALLY DRUNK. |
| 72 | I'M GLAD WE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING STUPID. |
| 73 | TELL ME ABOUT IT. |
| 74 | MORNING, PHEEBS. |
| 75 | HEY. |
| 76 | WELL, MY MOVIE HAS BEEN OFFICIALLY CANCELED. |
| 77 | JOEY, I'M SO SORRY. |
| 78 | YOU WANT SOME OF MY BREAKFAST? |
| 79 | NAH. I'M TOO DEPRESSED TO EAT. |
| 80 | I'LL PROBABLY BE EATING IN, LIKE, FIVE MINUTES. |
| 81 | SO I GUESS I'LL JUST FLY HOME WITH YOU GUYS. |
| 82 | WHAT TIME'S YOUR FLIGHT? |
| 83 | WHAT ABOUT MY CAB? |
| 84 | I DON'T NEED THAT ANYMORE. |
| 85 | NO, JOEY, YOU BORROWED MY CAB. |
| 86 | YOU HAVE TO DRIVE IT BACK. |
| 87 | I DON'T WANT TO DRIVE ALL THE WAY BACK BY MYSELF. |
| 88 | I GET SO LONELY. |
| 89 | OH, OH, HOW ABOUT IF YOU COME WITH ME? |
| 90 | I DON'T KNOW, IT'S SUCH A LONG TRIP. |
| 91 | IT'LL BE GREAT. |
| 92 | WE CAN TALK AND PLAY GAMES, HUH? |
| 93 | THIS COULD BE OUR CHANCE TO, LIKE, RENEW OUR FRIENDSHIP. |
| 94 | ARE YOU ASKING ME TO HAVE A FRIEND-AISSANCE? |
| 95 | SURE? |
| 96 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 97 | ALTHOUGH I DON'T THINK WE REALLY NEED ONE, BABY. |
| 98 | I NEVER STOPPED LOVIN' YOU. |
| 99 | HEY. |
| 100 | Joey: HEY. |
| 101 | SO HAS ANYBODY TALKED TO DR. AND MRS. GELLER YET? |
| 102 | MM-HMM. YEAH. |
| 103 | THEY LEFT ME A MESSAGE. |
| 104 | THEY SHOULD BE HERE ANY MINUTE. |
| 105 | WHERE IS THE WAITRESS? |
| 106 | I'M STARVING. |
| 107 | IT'S A BUFFET, MAN. |
| 108 | OH, HERE'S WHERE I WIN ALL MY MONEY BACK. |
| 109 | LISTEN, I GOT TO TALK TO YOU. |
| 110 | SURE. WHAT'S UP? |
| 111 | MONICA AND I ALMOST GOT MARRIED LAST NIGHT. |
| 112 | OH, MY GOD! |
| 113 | THAT'S HUGE! |
| 114 | HEY! |
| 115 | WAIT A MINUTE. |
| 116 | WHY WASN'T I INVITED? |
| 117 | AND WHO WAS GOING TO BE |
| 118 | YOUR BEST MAN? |
| 119 | DON'T SAY ROSS. |
| 120 | DO NOT SAY ROSS. |
| 121 | LOOK, I JUST DON'T THINK THAT MONICA AND I |
| 122 | ARE READY TO GET MARRIED YET, YOU KNOW? |
| 123 | I MEAN, I LOVE HER AND EVERYTHING, BUT... |
| 124 | SEEING ROSS AND RACHEL COMING OUT OF THAT CHAPEL |
| 125 | WAS LIKE A... LIKE A WAKE-UP CALL |
| 126 | THAT MONICA AND I ARE MOVING SO FAST, YOU KNOW. |
| 127 | HOW DO I TELL HER WITHOUT CRUSHING HER? |
| 128 | OH. |
| 129 | TELL HER SHE'S NOT MARRIAGE MATERIAL. |
| 130 | WHAT? |
| 131 | GIRLS SAY IT TO ME ALL THE TIME. |
| 132 | AND BELIEVE ME |
| 133 | IF SHE'S ANYTHING LIKE ME |
| 134 | SHE'S JUST GOING TO BE RELIEVED. |
| 135 | HOW DO I TELL CHANDLER THAT IT'S TOO SOON? |
| 136 | IT'S GOING TO BREAK HIS HEART. |
| 137 | HE'S GOING TO THINK I DON'T LOVE HIM ANYMORE. |
| 138 | WELL, YOU DON'T. |
| 139 | YES, I DO. |
| 140 | WELL, GOOD, GOOD. I WAS JUST TESTING YOU. |
| 141 | Chandler: HI. |
| 142 | OH, HI, HI. |
| 143 | YOU KNOW, WE WERE JUST TALKING ABOUT BACON. |
| 144 | NO, WE WERE TALKING ABOUT TENNIS. |
| 145 | TENNIS IS MORE BELIEVABLE. |
| 146 | HEY. |
| 147 | HEY. HEY. |
| 148 | HI. |
| 149 | THANK YOU. |
| 150 | MM. |
| 151 | WHAT? |
| 152 | ARE WE GOING TO TALK ABOUT |
| 153 | WHAT YOU GUYS DID LAST NIGHT, OR...? |
| 154 | WHAT... WHAT DO YOU MEAN LAST NIGHT? |
| 155 | NOTHING-NOTHING... |
| 156 | NOTHING HAPPENED LAST NIGHT. |
| 157 | YEAH. |
| 158 | UH-HUH. |
| 159 | ROSS INVITED US ALL TO WATCH. |
| 160 | RACH, WE WEREN'T GOING TO MISS |
| 161 | OUR FRIENDS GETTING MARRIED. |
| 162 | ( gasps ): WHO GOT MARRIED?! |
| 163 | YOU DID? |
| 164 | WHAT? WHAT? |
| 165 | WE... WE... HELLO? |
| 166 | NO, WE DIDN'T. WE DIDN'T GET MARRIED. |
| 167 | THAT'S RIDICULOUS. |
| 168 | ( both gasp ) |
| 169 | WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. |
| 170 | I REMEMBER BEING IN A CHAPEL. |
| 171 | THEY WOULD NOT LET US GET MARRIED |
| 172 | WHEN WE WERE THAT DRUNK. |
| 173 | THEY LET YOU GET MARRIED WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK. |
| 174 | MOST PEOPLE GETTING MARRIED IN VEGAS ARE DRUNK. |
| 175 | I'M DRUNK RIGHT NOW. |
| 176 | WHAT, I CAN'T HAVE A MIMOSA WITH BREAKFAST? |
| 177 | I'M ON VACATION. |
| 178 | WHAT ARE YOU GUYS GOING TO DO? |
| 179 | I GUESS WE JUST FIND A DIVORCE LAWYER? |
| 180 | WELL, I THINK... |
| 181 | I THINK ROSS ALREADY HAS ONE. |
| 182 | THIS ONE'S FREE, RIGHT? |
| 183 | BECAUSE YOU PAID FOR THE FIRST TWO |
| 184 | SO YOU GET THE THIRD ONE FOR FREE. |
| 185 | LAUGH IT UP. |
| 186 | BUT THE JOKE'S ON YOU. |
| 187 | BECAUSE WE DON'T NEED TO GET DIVORCED, OKAY? |
| 188 | WE'RE JUST GOING TO GET AN ANNULMENT. |
| 189 | Joey: AN ANNULMENT? |
| 190 | ROSS, I DON'T THINK SURGERY'S THE ANSWER HERE. |
| 191 | OH, THAT'S YOUR THING. |
| 192 | WHAT? |
| 193 | YOUR THING, YOUR THING, YOU KNOW. |
| 194 | YOU'RE THE GUY WHO GETS DIVORCED. |
| 195 | OH, YEAH. |
| 196 | IT MIGHT BE TRUE. |
| 197 | IT'S NOT MY "THING." |
| 198 | I DO NOT LOVE GETTING DIVORCED. |
| 199 | YES, YOU DO. |
| 200 | THIS IS YOUR THIRD DIVORCE. |
| 201 | GOD, YOU LOVE DIVORCE SO MUCH |
| 202 | YOU'RE PROBABLY GOING TO MARRY IT |
| 203 | AND THEN... |
| 204 | AND THEN IT WON'T WORK OUT |
| 205 | SO YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO DIVORCE IT, DIVORCING GUY. |
| 206 | ( laughing ) |
| 207 | I'M SO DRUNK. |
| 208 | SO WHAT DO YOU THINK WE SHOULD DO? |
| 209 | I DON'T KNOW. |
| 210 | I-I-I KNOW I LOVE YOU. |
| 211 | I KNOW I LOVE YOU. |
| 212 | SO WHERE ARE WE ON THE WHOLE |
| 213 | GOING-BACK-TO-THE-PLACE- WHERE-THEY-HAVE-ALL- THE-MARRIAGES THING? |
| 214 | I LOVE YOU. |
| 215 | THAT'S A GOOD QUESTION. |
| 216 | WELL, LAST NIGHT WE LET THE DICE DECIDE. |
| 217 | MAYBE WE SHOULD LEAVE IT UP TO FATE AGAIN. |
| 218 | I LOVE YOU. |
| 219 | YES, WE DON'T GET MARRIED UNLESS THERE'S A SIGN, OKAY? |
| 220 | SO, SAY... SAY YOU ROLL ANOTHER EIGHT |
| 221 | THEN THERE IS A DEFINITE SIGN |
| 222 | THAT WE SHOULD GET MARRIED. |
| 223 | ALL RIGHT, EIGHT, WE GET MARRIED |
| 224 | BUT TWO, THREE, FOUR, FIVE, SIX, SEVEN, NINE, 10, 11, 12 |
| 225 | WE DON'T GET MARRIED. |
| 226 | SOUNDS GREAT. OKAY. |
| 227 | OKAY, WE GOT A SHOOTER. |
| 228 | MONEY, PLEASE. |
| 229 | YOU READY? |
| 230 | READY. |
| 231 | COME ON, EIGHT. |
| 232 | YES, YES, EIGHT. |
| 233 | Man: EIGHT, EASY EIGHT. |
| 234 | WOW, I CAN'T BELIEVE I ACTUALLY ROLLED AN EIGHT. |
| 235 | THAT WAS SO UNLIKELY. |
| 236 | WELL, LET'S GET MARRIED... |
| 237 | I GUESS. |
| 238 | THAT WASN'T A HARD EIGHT. |
| 239 | LAST NIGHT I ROLLED A HARD EIGHT. |
| 240 | THAT'S RIGHT, IT WAS THE WRONG KIND OF EIGHT. |
| 241 | NO WEDDING! DAMN IT! |
| 242 | ( both groaning ) |
| 243 | I WANTED IT SO BAD. |
| 244 | WANT TO GO PACK? |
| 245 | YEAH. |
| 246 | WE'RE DOING THE RIGHT THING, RIGHT? |
| 247 | OF COURSE WE ARE. |
| 248 | WE LEFT IT UP TO FATE. |
| 249 | IF WE WERE SUPPOSED TO GET MARRIED |
| 250 | THERE WOULD BE A CLEAR-CUT SIGN. |
| 251 | OKAY, YOU HAVE 19 QUESTIONS LEFT. |
| 252 | USE THEM WISELY. |
| 253 | ( mumbles ) |
| 254 | COME ON, JOEY, YOU CAN'T WIN |
| 255 | IF YOU DON'T ASK ANY... |
| 256 | ( shouts ): QUESTIONS! |
| 257 | I'M UP! WHAT?! |
| 258 | WHAT? |
| 259 | WELL, YOU PROMISED ME A FUN ROAD TRIP |
| 260 | AND WE'VE BEEN ON THE ROAD FOR SIX HOURS |
| 261 | AND YOU'VE BEEN ASLEEP FOR FIVE AND A HALF. |
| 262 | WE ARE SWITCHING AT THE NEXT REST STOP |
| 263 | AND YOU ARE GOING TO DRIVE THE WHOLE WAY BACK. |
| 264 | THAT WILL BE YOUR PUNISHMENT |
| 265 | YOU GREEDY SLEEPER. |
| 266 | ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. |
| 267 | AND UNTIL THEN, YOU ARE GOING TO SING TO ME. |
| 268 | BECAUSE THE RADIO'S BROKEN |
| 269 | AND YOU ARE SELFISH... |
| 270 | BUT YOU HAVE A NICE VOICE. |
| 271 | REALLY? I DON'T... |
| 272 | SING! |
| 273 | ♪ I WANNA ROCK 'N' ROLL ALL NIGHT... ♪ |
| 274 | Joey: MAN, THIS IS A LONG DRIVE. |
| 275 | ARE MY EYES OPEN? |
| 276 | NO! |
| 277 | ( screams ) |
| 278 | ( screams ) |
| 279 | GOOD MORNING. |
| 280 | ( screams ) |
| 281 | HEY. |
| 282 | HEY, HUBBY. |
| 283 | ( laughing ) |
| 284 | ACTUALLY, UM, I WANTED TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT |
| 285 | THAT WHOLE ANNULMENT THING. |
| 286 | UH-HUH? |
| 287 | YEAH, I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT. |
| 288 | ( both laughing ) |
| 289 | OKAY! |
| 290 | SO... WE'LL JUST STAY MARRIED. |
| 291 | YES, EXACTLY. |
| 292 | AND I WILL MAKE EVERYONE CALL ME MRS. GELLER. |
| 293 | WOW, THIS IS SO AMAZING. |
| 294 | I, UH... |
| 295 | I REALLY THOUGHT I'D HAVE TO TALK YOU INTO THIS MORE. |
| 296 | OKAY, SEE, NOW I'M SCARED |
| 297 | BECAUSE I DON'T ACTUALLY THINK YOU'RE KIDDING. |
| 298 | I'M-I'M NOT KIDDING. |
| 299 | LOOK, I-I... |
| 300 | I CAN'T HAVE THREE FAILED MARRIAGES. |
| 301 | I CAN'T, OKAY? |
| 302 | I-I-I AM NOT GOING TO BE THAT GUY. |
| 303 | WHAT? WELL, WH-WHAT... |
| 304 | SO... SO, WHAT, WE JUST STAY MARRIED FOREVER? |
| 305 | HOW-HOW IS THIS GOING TO AFFECT YOU, REALLY? |
| 306 | I MEAN, YOU FILL SOME FORM OUT ONCE IN A WHILE. |
| 307 | INSTEAD OF CHECKING THE BOX THAT SAYS "MISS" |
| 308 | YOU CHECK THE BOX THAT SAYS "MRS." |
| 309 | IT'S RIGHT NEXT TO IT. |
| 310 | OH, OKAY, I'M SORRY, YOU'RE RIGHT. |
| 311 | YOU KNOW WHAT? WE ABSOLUTELY CAN STAY MARRIED |
| 312 | BECAUSE I WAS UNDER THE IMPRESSION |
| 313 | THAT THE BOXES WERE FAR AWAY FROM EACH OTHER. |
| 314 | ALL RIGHT, LOOK, JUST... |
| 315 | PLEASE, TAKE A MOMENT HERE |
| 316 | AND THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU'RE ASKING OF ME, OKAY? |
| 317 | I AM ASKING YOU TO DO ME A FAVOR. |
| 318 | YOU ARE ASKING ME TO BE YOUR WIFE. |
| 319 | AND AS MY WIFE, I THINK YOU SHOULD GRANT ME THIS FAVOR. |
| 320 | THAT KID KICKED ME REALLY HARD ON THE PLANE. |
| 321 | WELL, YOU DID PULL HIS HAIR. |
| 322 | HE TOOK MY SNACK. |
| 323 | I'M NOT GETTING INTO THIS AGAIN! OKAY! |
| 324 | OH, GOD, YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 325 | IT HURTS REALLY BAD. |
| 326 | WELL, I TOLD YOU NOT TO WALK... |
| 327 | HERE. HERE. |
| 328 | OKAY. |
| 329 | THIS DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING, DOES IT? |
| 330 | NO. |
| 331 | OKAY. |
| 332 | HOW COULD YOU PICK UP A HITCHHIKER? |
| 333 | HE COULD BE A RAP... |
| 334 | HE COULD BE A RAPIST OR A KILLER OR SOMETHING. |
| 335 | DON'T YOU THINK I ASKED HIM THAT BEFORE HE GOT IN? |
| 336 | YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M NOT TALKING TO YOU. |
| 337 | YOU GO BACK TO SLEEP. AND YOU-- |
| 338 | ARE YOU A RAPIST? |
| 339 | NO. |
| 340 | DO YOU LIKE CAR GAMES? |
| 341 | YEAH. YOU KNOW, THE, UH, LICENSE PLATE GAME? |
| 342 | I LOVE THE LICENSE PLATE GAME. |
| 343 | OH, I'LL PLAY. I'LL PLAY. |
| 344 | NO, NO. YOU NEED YOUR SLEEP. NIGHT NIGHT. |
| 345 | SHH. |
| 346 | HEY. |
| 347 | HEY. LISTEN. |
| 348 | I KNOW YOU WANTED TO TALK TO ME |
| 349 | BUT I HAVE AN IDEA THAT MAY MAKE YOU WANT TO STAY MARRIED. |
| 350 | WE REGISTER, AND YOU GET TO KEEP ALL THE PRESENTS. |
| 351 | NO. |
| 352 | ROSS, COME ON. |
| 353 | NO. LISTEN. LOOK, I'VE THOUGHT A LOT |
| 354 | ABOUT HOW TO TELL YOU THIS AND, UM... |
| 355 | THE BOTTOM LINE, ROSS, IS WE CANNOT STAY MARRIED. |
| 356 | I DON'T KNOW IF THAT'S TRUE. |
| 357 | BUT IT-IT-IT IS. |
| 358 | OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT THIS IS? |
| 359 | THIS IS A DIFFERENCE OF OPINION. |
| 360 | AND WHEN THAT HAPPENS IN A MARRIAGE... |
| 361 | OH, ROSS, COME ON! THIS IS NOT A... |
| 362 | THIS IS NOT A MARRIAGE. |
| 363 | THIS IS THE WORLD'S WORST HANGOVER! |
| 364 | ROSS, LISTEN |
| 365 | IF YOU DO NOT GET THIS ANNULMENT, I WILL. |
| 366 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 367 | ALL RIGHT, I'LL DO IT. |
| 368 | THANK YOU. |
| 369 | HEY-HEY, UM... |
| 370 | UH, IS THERE ANY SUCH THING |
| 371 | AS AN ANNULMENT SHOWER? |
| 372 | Man: OH, WAIT, WAIT. |
| 373 | THERE'S THE TRAIN STATION. |
| 374 | THIS IS WHERE I GET OFF. |
| 375 | I HAVE YOUR ADDRESS AND PHONE NUMBER. |
| 376 | AND I HAVE YOUR NAME |
| 377 | AND THE FACT THAT YOU'RE A DRIFTER, SO... |
| 378 | BALL'S PRETTY MUCH IN YOUR COURT. |
| 379 | ALL RIGHT |
| 380 | SEE YOU, PHEEBS. |
| 381 | COME ON, PHEEBS. |
| 382 | I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE. |
| 383 | PLEASE TALK TO ME. |
| 384 | LET-LET ME MAKE IT UP TO YOU, HUH? |
| 385 | ♪ GROUND CONTROL TO MAJOR TOM ♪ |
| 386 | ♪ COMMENCING COUNTDOWN, ENGINES ON ♪ |
| 387 | ♪ TAKE YOUR PROTEIN PILLS AND PUT YOUR HELMET ON ♪ |
| 388 | ( makes buzzing noise ) |
| 389 | STOP IT! ♪ THIS IS GROUND... ♪ |
| 390 | STOP IT! NO! |
| 391 | THAT'S NOT FAIR. |
| 392 | YOU KNOW I CAN'T RESIST THAT BEAUTIFUL VOICE. |
| 393 | PHEEBS, LOOK, I'M SO SORRY. |
| 394 | I KNOW I PROMISED YOU A FUN ROAD TRIP WITH YOUR FRIEND |
| 395 | AND I DIDN'T DELIVER, OKAY, BUT-BUT-BUT NOW I KNOW |
| 396 | THAT YOU THINK BEING AWAKE |
| 397 | IS AN IMPORTANT PART OF FRIENDSHIP, SO... |
| 398 | SO... |
| 399 | SO I WILL STRIVE TO-TO STAY AWAKE |
| 400 | FOR AS LONG AS I KNOW YOU. |
| 401 | YOU CAN STILL, LIKE, SLEEP AT NIGHT AND STUFF. |
| 402 | WELL, THANK YOU. |
| 403 | SO, CAN WE PLAY 20 QUESTIONS NOW? |
| 404 | I GOT A REALLY GOOD ONE. |
| 405 | I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT IT SINCE KANSAS. |
| 406 | OKAY. |
| 407 | IS IT... A KIND OF HOT SANDWICH? |
| 408 | YES. |
| 409 | IS IT A MEATBALL SUB? |
| 410 | THAT IS INCREDIBLE. |
| 411 | YOU ARE THE MASTER. |
| 412 | ( shrieking ): BUG! |
| 413 | THAT'S FUNNY. |
| 414 | YOU LOOK LIKE YOU'RE GOING TO BE THE NEXT ONE... |
| 415 | DON'T SAY IT. |
| 416 | DON'T EVEN THINK IT. |
| 417 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 418 | OKAY, CHANDLER, ENJOY YOUR HANDFUL. |
| 419 | ALL RIGHT, SHOULD WE JUST... |
| 420 | SHOULD WE JUST GET MARRIED, YOU KNOW? |
| 421 | I MEAN, SHOULD WE JUST DO IT? |
| 422 | ALL THE SIGNS ARE TELLING US TO DO IT. |
| 423 | I'M SICK OF THE SIGNS. IT'S TOO FAST. |
| 424 | I'M HAPPY THE WAY THINGS ARE. |
| 425 | ME, TOO. |
| 426 | I DON'T WANT THINGS TO CHANGE; DO YOU? |
| 427 | NO. |
| 428 | ALL RIGHT, THEN. |
| 429 | THEN NOTHING CHANGES! |
| 430 | EVERYTHING IS GREAT! |
| 431 | EVERYTHING STAYS THE SAME! |
| 432 | NOW, YOU GO AND UNPACK 'CAUSE IT'S BEEN THREE DAYS |
| 433 | AND IT'S DRIVING ME INSANE. |
| 434 | AH, GEEZ, RELAX. |
| 435 | IT'S NOT LIKE WE'RE MA... |
| 436 | AH! AH! |
| 437 | ( door shuts ) |
| 438 | YOU KNOW, I WAS THINKING, WHAT IF I, UH, UNPACK HERE? |
| 439 | THEN ALL YOUR STUFF WOULD BE HERE. |
| 440 | WELL... |
| 441 | WHAT IF ALL MY STUFF WAS HERE? |
| 442 | THEN YOU'D BE GOING BACK AND FORTH ALL THE TIME. |
| 443 | I MEAN... |
| 444 | DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE. |
| 445 | OKAY. |
| 446 | WHAT IF WE LIVE TOGETHER |
| 447 | AND YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT I'M SAYING? |
| 448 | LIVE TOGETHER? |
| 449 | THERE HAVE BEEN NO SIGNS FOR THAT. |
| 450 | ME ASKING IS KIND OF A SIGN. |
| 451 | YES! |
| 452 | YES! OKAY! |
| 453 | YES! |
| 454 | YES! |
| 455 | YES. OKAY. OKAY, WAIT. |
| 456 | WAIT. WAIT. WAIT. |
| 457 | OKAY. |
| 458 | OKAY. HERE'S YOUR KEY. |
| 459 | OKAY. HERE'S YOUR KEY. |
| 460 | ALL RIGHT, NOW, YOU HAVE TO GO OUT AND CHRISTEN IT. |
| 461 | NOW, GO OUT AND THEN COME BACK IN. |
| 462 | THE DOOR HASN'T BEEN LOCKED IN FIVE YEARS, BUT OKAY. |
| 463 | READY? |
| 464 | READY! |
| 465 | OKAY, A LITTLE PROBLEM. |
| 466 | THE KEY BROKE IN THE LOCK AND I CAN'T GET IN. |
| 467 | OH, MY GOD. I CAN'T GET OUT. |
| 468 | THIS ISN'T A SIGN. |
| 469 | NO, NO, NO. IT'S NOT A SIGN. |
| 470 | IT'S A VERY OLD KEY. |
| 471 | IT'S JUST AN OLD KEY! |
| 472 | OH, MY GOD. IT'S OLD. |
| 473 | I LOVE YOU. |
| 474 | I LOVE YOU. |
| 475 | ARE YOU HUGGING THE DOOR RIGHT NOW? |
| 476 | NO. |
| 477 | YEAH, YEAH. ME, NEITHER. |
| 478 | HEY. |
| 479 | HEY. SO, DID EVERYTHING GO ALL RIGHT |
| 480 | WITH THE, UH, ANNULMENT? |
| 481 | OH, YEAH. |
| 482 | NO PROBLEMS. IT'S ALL TAKEN CARE OF. |
| 483 | ROSS, THANK YOU. AAH... |
| 484 | HEY, DO YOU GUYS WANT TO GO SEE A MOVIE? |
| 485 | OH, YEAH. WHY NOT? |
| 486 | YEAH. PHEEBS? |
| 487 | NO, THANKS. |
| 488 | I'VE ALREADY SEEN ONE. |
| 489 | OKAY. UM... |
| 490 | I'LL GET MY SWEATER. |
| 491 | OKAY. |
| 492 | YOU WANT-YOU WANT TO HEAR SOMETHING WEIRD? |
| 493 | ALWAYS. |
| 494 | I DIDN'T GET THE ANNULMENT. |
| 495 | WHAT? |
| 496 | WE'RE STILL MARRIED. |
| 497 | DON'T TELL RACHEL. |
| 498 | SEE YOU LATER. |
| 499 | WHAT ARE YOU DOING? |
| 500 | KEY'S STUCK IN THE LOCK. |
| 501 | I CAN FIX IT. HOLD ON. |
| 502 | WATCH OUT. WATCH OUT. |
| 503 | STILL DOESN'T WORK. |
| 504 | I'M NOT FINISHED. |
| 505 | OH. |
| 506 | [Captioned by The Caption Center WGBH Educational Foundation] |
| 507 | NICE JOB, JOE. |
| 508 | YOU'RE QUITE THE CRAFTSMAN. |
| 509 | |
| 1 | HEY. |
| 2 | HEY. SO, DID EVERYTHING GO OKAY |
| 3 | WITH THE ANNULMENT? |
| 4 | YEAH, NO PROBLEMS. IT'S ALL TAKEN CARE OF. |
| 5 | ROSS, THANK YOU. AAH... |
| 6 | HEY, DO YOU GUYS WANT TO GO SEE A MOVIE? |
| 7 | OH, YEAH. WHY NOT? |
| 8 | I'LL GET MY SWEATER. |
| 9 | OKAY. |
| 10 | YOU WANT... YOU WANT TO HEAR SOMETHING WEIRD? |
| 11 | ALWAYS. |
| 12 | I DIDN'T GET THE ANNULMENT. |
| 13 | WHAT? |
| 14 | WE'RE STILL MARRIED. |
| 15 | DON'T TELL RACHEL. |
| 16 | SEE YOU LATER. |
| 17 | HEY, DO YOU HAVE ANY GUM? |
| 18 | OH, YEAH. |
| 19 | WAIT! WAIT! |
| 20 | HI. LISTEN, ROSS, CAN I JUST TALK TO YOU |
| 21 | FOR JUST A SECOND? |
| 22 | PHOEBE, BUT WE'LL BE LATE FOR THE MOVIE. |
| 23 | OH, THERE'S A CAB! |
| 24 | TAXI! |
| 25 | OH, THAT'S LUCKY, HUH? |
| 26 | GOOD TIMING. |
| 27 | MY GOD, HUH... THERE YOU GO. |
| 28 | WE'RE ACTUALLY JUST GOING TO WALK |
| 29 | 'CAUSE IT'S RIGHT UP THERE AT THE ANGELIKA. |
| 30 | OH, THE ANGELIKA! GO! GO! |
| 31 | YOU DIDN'T GET THE ANNULMENT?! |
| 32 | I KNOW. |
| 33 | ROSS! |
| 34 | WELL, I TRIED, BUT WHEN I GOT TO MY LAWYER'S OFFICE |
| 35 | ALL I COULD HEAR WAS "THREE DIVORCES!" |
| 36 | "THERE DIVORCES!" |
| 37 | LOOK, I JUST DON'T WANT MY TOMBSTONE |
| 38 | TO READ "ROSS GELLER, THREE DIVORCES." |
| 39 | DON'T BE WORRIED ABOUT THAT. |
| 40 | YOUR TOMBSTONE CAN SAY WHATEVER YOU WANT IT TO SAY. |
| 41 | IT CAN SAY "ROSS GELLER, GOOD AT MARRIAGE." |
| 42 | YOU KNOW? |
| 43 | MINE'S GOING TO SAY, "PHOEBE BUFFAY, BURIED ALIVE." |
| 44 | LOOK, ALL I KNOW IS I CAN'T HAVE ANOTHER FAILED MARRIAGE. |
| 45 | SO, OKAY, WHAT? |
| 46 | YOU'RE GOING TO BE MARRIED TO A GIRL |
| 47 | WHO DOESN'T EVEN KNOW ABOUT IT. |
| 48 | WOMAN! SORRY. |
| 49 | WELL, OKAY, SO I DON'T HAVE IT ALL WORKED OUT QUITE YET. |
| 50 | JUST DON'T, DON'T SAY ANYTHING TO RACHEL, PLEASE. |
| 51 | RACHEL IS ONE OF MY CLOSEST FRIENDS. |
| 52 | ALTHOUGH, BEING THE ONLY ONE THAT KNOWS ABOUT THIS |
| 53 | DOES MAKE ME FEEL SPECIAL. |
| 54 | OKAY. |
| 55 | OKAY, STOP, STOP, STOP! |
| 56 | PHOEBE! |
| 57 | HEY, RACH! |
| 58 | WHAT WAS THAT?! |
| 59 | SORRY. MIX-UP. |
| 60 | HEY, HOW WAS THE MOVIE? |
| 61 | I HAVEN'T SEEN IT YET. |
| 62 | ROSS. |
| 63 | THEN YOU BETTER HURRY. |
| 64 | THE ANGELIKA! GO! GO! |
| 65 | WHAT?! NO! |
| 66 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 67 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 68 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 69 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 70 | ♪ WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY, YOUR WEEK ♪ |
| 71 | ♪ YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 72 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 73 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME, TOO. ♪ |
| 74 | YOU KNOW, WHEN WE MOVE IN TOGETHER |
| 75 | CAN I GET A GUMBALL MACHINE? |
| 76 | OF COURSE. |
| 77 | JOEY WOULDN'T LET YOU HAVE ONE? |
| 78 | NO. WHEN IT COMES TO SWEETS, HE'S SURPRISINGLY STRICT. |
| 79 | HEY, HAVE YOU FIGURED OUT A WAY |
| 80 | TO TELL HIM YOU'RE MOVING OUT? |
| 81 | NO, NO. I KEEP TRYING, YOU KNOW, AND I CAN GET OUT |
| 82 | "JOEY, I HAVE TO..." |
| 83 | BUT THEN I LOSE MY NERVE |
| 84 | AND I ALWAYS FINISH WITH "GO TO THE BATHROOM." |
| 85 | HE MAY THINK I'M SICK. |
| 86 | YOU KNOW, I REALLY HAVE TO TELL RACHEL |
| 87 | BUT I... WE JUST GOT TO GET IT OVER WITH. |
| 88 | YOU KNOW WHAT? THE NEXT TIME WE SEE THEM |
| 89 | WE'RE JUST GOING TO TELL THEM, OKAY? THAT'S IT. |
| 90 | IS THAT HOW THIS WILL WORK NOW? |
| 91 | YOU JUST ORDER ME AROUND ALL THE TIME? |
| 92 | PRETTY MUCH. |
| 93 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 94 | HEY, MONICA. HI. |
| 95 | HEY, MAN, YOU FEELING BETTER? |
| 96 | YEAH, I'M FINE. |
| 97 | UM, JOEY |
| 98 | WE HAVE SOMETHING TO TELL YOU. |
| 99 | OH, MY GOD! |
| 100 | YOU'RE PREGNANT! |
| 101 | NO. |
| 102 | NO. |
| 103 | NO. |
| 104 | NO! |
| 105 | LOOK, JOEY |
| 106 | HERE'S THE THING. |
| 107 | UM... |
| 108 | MONICA AND I HAVE DECIDED TO LIVE TOGETHER HERE |
| 109 | SO... I'M GOING TO BE MOVING OUT, MAN. |
| 110 | WOW. |
| 111 | WELL, UH, HEY... |
| 112 | I'M REALLY HAPPY FOR YOU GUYS. |
| 113 | CONGRATULATIONS. |
| 114 | SEE YOU LATER. |
| 115 | HEY, JOEY, JOEY. |
| 116 | ARE YOU OKAY? |
| 117 | YEAH. I GOT TO GO. |
| 118 | I'VE GOT AN ACTING JOB. |
| 119 | YEAH, LIKE YOU'D BELIEVE THAT. |
| 120 | THIS SUCKS. |
| 121 | LOOK, I'M-I'M JUST GOING TO BE RIGHT ACROSS THE HALL |
| 122 | AND I PROMISE YOU, THE MINUTE MONICA AND I BREAK UP |
| 123 | I'M MOVING RIGHT BACK IN WITH YOU. |
| 124 | OKAY, LOOK, LOOK, LOOK. |
| 125 | UH, IF YOU'RE GOING TO BE MOVING IN WITH HIM |
| 126 | I FEEL THAT IT IS MY RESPONSIBILITY |
| 127 | TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH ABOUT HIM, OKAY? |
| 128 | HE'S A TERRIBLE ROOMMATE. |
| 129 | TERRIBLE. HE, UH, FORGETS TO, UM... |
| 130 | UH... ALWAYS... |
| 131 | HE ALWAYS, UH... |
| 132 | OH, WHO AM I KIDDING? |
| 133 | HE'S THE BEST ROOMMATE EVER! |
| 134 | HEY, PHEEBS. HEY. |
| 135 | HEY, HAVE YOU SEEN RACHEL? |
| 136 | NO. WHY? |
| 137 | I HAVE PRETTY EXCITING NEWS. |
| 138 | YOU'RE PREGNANT. |
| 139 | NO! |
| 140 | CHANDLER AND I ARE MOVING IN TOGETHER. |
| 141 | OH, THAT'S GOOD. |
| 142 | WELL, BUT NOW, IF YOU WERE PREGNANT |
| 143 | WHAT WOULD YOU NAME IT? |
| 144 | HINT: PHOEBE. |
| 145 | HEY. |
| 146 | HEY. |
| 147 | WHAT'S UP? |
| 148 | WELL, UM... |
| 149 | CHANDLER AND I ARE MOVING IN TOGETHER. |
| 150 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 151 | OH, MY LITTLE SISTER AND MY BEST FRIEND |
| 152 | SHACKING UP. |
| 153 | THAT'S GREAT. |
| 154 | THAT'S GREAT. |
| 155 | GUYS, I'M HAPPY, TOO. |
| 156 | OKAY, COME HERE. |
| 157 | WOW, BIG DAY, HUH? |
| 158 | PEOPLE MOVING IN, PEOPLE GETTING ANNULLED. |
| 159 | ANYWAY, I GOT TO GO FIND RACHEL, BUT, UM, IF YOU GUYS SEE HER |
| 160 | WOULD YOU PLEASE TRY TO GIVE HER SOME REALLY BAD NEWS |
| 161 | SO MINE DOESN'T SEEM SO BAD. |
| 162 | OKAY, THANK YOU. OKAY. BYE. |
| 163 | HMM, SOMETHING BAD TO TELL RACHEL? |
| 164 | BAD NEWS FOR RACHEL. |
| 165 | WHAT COULD THAT BE? |
| 166 | CAN YOU JUST...? |
| 167 | CAN YOU JUST LAY OFF, PLEASE? |
| 168 | ALL RIGHT? MY LIFE IS AN EMBARRASSMENT. |
| 169 | I SHOULD JUST GO LIVE UNDER SOMEBODY'S STAIRS. |
| 170 | ROSS, IT'S NOT THAT BIG A DEAL. |
| 171 | SO, YOU'LL HAVE BEEN DIVORCED THREE TIMES. |
| 172 | YOU'LL STILL HAVE A LIFE. |
| 173 | YOU'LL GO ON DATES. |
| 174 | NO. NO. NO, I WON'T. |
| 175 | I'LL BE AT THE BOTTOM OF THE DATING BARREL NOW. |
| 176 | THE ONLY GUYS BELOW ME WILL BE FOUR-DIVORCE GUY |
| 177 | UH, MURDERER GUY AND... AND GEOLOGISTS. |
| 178 | ROSS, YOU'RE BEING RIDICULOUS, OKAY? |
| 179 | YOU ARE CUTE AND SMART AND SWEET |
| 180 | AND THAT IS MUCH MORE IMPORTANT THAN THREE STUPID DIVORCES. |
| 181 | OH, YEAH? HAVE YOU EVER DATED ANYONE |
| 182 | WHO'S BEEN DIVORCED THREE TIMES? |
| 183 | THAT'S NOT REALLY FAIR, YOU KNOW. |
| 184 | MOST GUYS WHO'VE BEEN DIVORCED THREE TIMES ARE LIKE 60. |
| 185 | ROSS, NOBODY CARES ABOUT THIS EXCEPT YOU. |
| 186 | YOU... THIS EMBARRASSMENT THING IS ALL IN YOUR HEAD. |
| 187 | HERE, I'LL SHOW YOU. |
| 188 | COME HERE. |
| 189 | WHAT? |
| 190 | HI. HI. LISTEN. |
| 191 | MY FRIEND ROSS IS ABOUT TO BE DIVORCED FOR THE THIRD TIME |
| 192 | BUT WOULDN'T YOU DATE HIM? |
| 193 | AND IF YOU WAIT RIGHT HERE |
| 194 | I'LL GO GET ROSS. |
| 195 | ( door opens ) |
| 196 | HI. |
| 197 | OH, I THOUGHT YOU WERE RACHEL. |
| 198 | WHAT GAVE ME AWAY? |
| 199 | I JUST GOT TO TELL HER. |
| 200 | I HAVE TO GET IT OVER WITH. |
| 201 | I'VE TOLD ROSS AND PHOEBE AND SHE'S THE ONLY ONE LEFT. |
| 202 | OKAY, THAT'S IT, SO EVERYBODY KNOWS. |
| 203 | IT'S OFFICIAL: WE'RE MOVING IN TOGETHER. |
| 204 | NO TURNING BACK. |
| 205 | ( growling ): ARE YOU SCARED? ARE YOU? |
| 206 | NO. |
| 207 | THAT WAS MY SCARIEST VOICE. YOU'RE VERY BRAVE. |
| 208 | AAH... |
| 209 | HEY. |
| 210 | HEY. OH... |
| 211 | THE WORST DAY. |
| 212 | YOU KNOW, YOU THINK YOU'RE FINALLY MAKING PROGRESS AT WORK |
| 213 | AND THEN YOUR BOSS CALLS YOU RAQUEL. |
| 214 | HEY, LISTEN, FOR THE FIRST FOUR YEARS OF MY WORK |
| 215 | EVERYBODY CALLED ME CHA-LA-LA... |
| 216 | SERIOUSLY. |
| 217 | I BELIEVE YOU. |
| 218 | SO, IT WAS RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF A STAFF MEETING |
| 219 | SO, OF COURSE, NO ONE ELSE WANTS TO CORRECT HER |
| 220 | SO EVERYONE ELSE IS CALLING ME RAQUEL. |
| 221 | BY THE END OF THE DAY |
| 222 | THE MAILROOM GUYS WERE CALLING ME ROCKY. |
| 223 | WELL, I STILL THINK |
| 224 | YOU'RE VERY, VERY NICE AND VERY PRETTY. |
| 225 | WHAT? |
| 226 | ALL YOURS, BABE. |
| 227 | RACHEL... |
| 228 | SWEETIE, HAVE A SEAT. |
| 229 | OKAY, LISTEN, UM... |
| 230 | CHANDLER AND I |
| 231 | ARE GOING TO LIVE TOGETHER. |
| 232 | HERE. |
| 233 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 234 | THAT'S SO GREAT! |
| 235 | OH! |
| 236 | I'M SO HAPPY FOR YOU GUYS! |
| 237 | REALLY? |
| 238 | OH, AND THAT WAS SO SWEET OF YOU TO ASK. |
| 239 | OH, MY GOD! |
| 240 | THE THREE OF US ARE GOING TO HAVE |
| 241 | SUCH A GOOD TIME LIVING TOGETHER! |
| 242 | YES, WE ARE. |
| 243 | AND CHANDLER |
| 244 | YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO WATCH THOSE LONG SHOWERS |
| 245 | YOU TAKE IN THE MORNING |
| 246 | 'CAUSE YOU KNOW RAQUEL CAN'T BE LATE. |
| 247 | RACH. |
| 248 | YEAH, HE'S GOING TO WORK ON THAT. |
| 249 | OH... |
| 250 | OH, THIS IS SO EXCITING. |
| 251 | OH, WOW. |
| 252 | ♪ COME AND KNOCK ON OUR DOOR ♪ |
| 253 | ♪ WE'LL BE WAITING FOR YOU... ♪ |
| 254 | ONCE YOU KNOW THE STORIES, IT'S NOT THAT BAD. |
| 255 | FIRST MARRIAGE, WIFE'S HIDDEN SEXUALITY-- |
| 256 | NOT MY FAULT. |
| 257 | SECOND MARRIAGE |
| 258 | SAID THE WRONG NAME AT THE ALTAR... |
| 259 | A LITTLE MY FAULT. |
| 260 | THIRD MARRIAGE-- |
| 261 | WELL, THEY REALLY SHOULDN'T ALLOW YOU |
| 262 | TO GET MARRIED WHEN YOU'RE THAT DRUNK |
| 263 | AND HAVE WRITING ALL OVER YOUR FACE-- NEVADA'S FAULT. |
| 264 | OKAY, SO WHAT DO YOU THINK, LADIES? |
| 265 | WHO WOULDN'T BE INTERESTED? |
| 266 | WHO WOULDN'T WANT TO DATE HIM? |
| 267 | WELL, THE DIVORCES DON'T BOTHER ME. |
| 268 | I'D DATE HIM, BUT NOT WHILE HE'S STILL MARRIED. |
| 269 | OKAY, WHAT ABOUT YOU? WOULDN'T YOU WANT A DATE? |
| 270 | ACTUALLY, I'M NOT DATING AT ALL. |
| 271 | SEE, I FIGURED OUT THAT I WAS ONLY DATING GUYS |
| 272 | THAT WERE, LIKE, BAD FOR ME. |
| 273 | SO I DECIDED THAT UNTIL I COULD WORK THAT OUT... |
| 274 | GOOD, GOOD, WHATEVER. |
| 275 | WHAT ABOUT YOU, MEG? |
| 276 | WELL, I DON'T CARE ABOUT THE DIVORCES EITHER |
| 277 | BUT I WOULDN'T DATE HIM. |
| 278 | IT'S JUST |
| 279 | THAT HE'S OBVIOUSLY STILL IN LOVE WITH THIS RACHEL GIRL. |
| 280 | WHAT? |
| 281 | SHE SAID |
| 282 | "HE'S OBVIOUSLY STILL IN LOVE WITH THIS RACHEL GIRL." |
| 283 | THIS IS CRAZY. |
| 284 | I MEAN, YES, YES, RACHEL IS MY GOOD FRIEND |
| 285 | AND I HAVE LOVED HER IN THE PAST |
| 286 | BUT NOW SHE IS JUST MY WIFE. |
| 287 | PHOEBE, WILL YOU HELP ME OUT HERE? |
| 288 | WELL, I THOUGHT YOU LOVED HER WHEN YOU MARRIED HER. |
| 289 | WE WERE DRUNK. |
| 290 | I WOULD HAVE MARRIED, UH, JOEY |
| 291 | WITH THAT AMOUNT OF ALCOHOL. |
| 292 | HEY! YOU COULD DO A LOT WORSE THAN JOEY TRIBBIANI. |
| 293 | I'M SORRY, BUT YOU GUYS ARE WRONG. |
| 294 | I JUST DON'T WANT TO BE DIVORCED THREE TIMES. |
| 295 | YES, AND NOW HE'S USING THIS THREE-DIVORCES REASON |
| 296 | BECAUSE HE WANTS TO STAY MARRIED TO HER |
| 297 | BECAUSE HE LOVES HER. |
| 298 | I MUST SAY, WELL DONE. |
| 299 | BRAVO, MEG. |
| 300 | OKAY, FINE, FINE. |
| 301 | IF THIS WHAT YOU THINK, FORGET |
| 302 | ABOUT THE WHOLE THREE-DIVORCE THING, OKAY? |
| 303 | I'LL GO TO MY LAWYER'S OFFICE RIGHT NOW |
| 304 | AND GET THIS MARRIAGE ANNULLED, OKAY? |
| 305 | SHE MEANS NOTHING TO ME. |
| 306 | NOTH... NOTHING! |
| 307 | OKAY, NOW I WOULDN'T DATE YOU |
| 308 | BECAUSE YOU SEEM A LITTLE CREEPY. |
| 309 | I AM SO ATTRACTED TO HIM RIGHT NOW. |
| 310 | OKAY, WHEN ARE WE GOING TO TELL RACHEL |
| 311 | WHAT ACTUALLY IS GOING TO HAPPEN? |
| 312 | SOON. I JUST COULDN'T BEFORE. |
| 313 | I MEAN, YOU SAW HOW UPSET JOEY GOT. |
| 314 | I COULDN'T DO THAT TO HER; SHE'S MY BEST FRIEND. |
| 315 | WELL, JOEY'S MY BEST FRIEND. |
| 316 | I'M NOT YOUR BEST FRIEND? |
| 317 | YOU JUST SAID...! |
| 318 | OF COURSE, YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND. |
| 319 | WOULD YOU PLEASE |
| 320 | TELL RACHEL, THOUGH? |
| 321 | ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT, AT LEAST I'M PREPARED. |
| 322 | OKAY. |
| 323 | OH, YES. HEY! |
| 324 | HEY, HEY. THESE AREN'T FOR YOU. |
| 325 | ARE YOU UPSET? |
| 326 | I AM NOW. |
| 327 | HEY, ROOMIE. |
| 328 | OKAY, BYE. |
| 329 | RACH? |
| 330 | ( clearing throat ) |
| 331 | THERE'S SOMETHING, UH, IMPORTANT I HAVE TO TELL YOU. |
| 332 | ARE YOU PREGNANT? |
| 333 | NO, BUT I'M THROWING THIS SHIRT AWAY. |
| 334 | I THINK THERE WAS A LITTLE |
| 335 | UH, MISUNDERSTANDING BEFORE. |
| 336 | UM, WHEN I SAID THAT, UH, THAT CHANDLER AND I WANTED |
| 337 | TO LIVE TOGETHER... |
| 338 | WE MEANT ALONE TOGETHER. |
| 339 | ( laughing ) |
| 340 | OH. OH, MY GOD. OH, THAT'S FUNNY. |
| 341 | I CAN'T BELIEVE I DID THAT. |
| 342 | OH, NO, SWEETIE. |
| 343 | NO, YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 344 | THIS IS MY FAULT. |
| 345 | I WASN'T CLEAR. |
| 346 | I'M REALLY SORRY. |
| 347 | AND-AND LISTEN. |
| 348 | YOU TAKE AS MUCH TIME AS YOU NEED TO MOVE OUT, OKAY? |
| 349 | THERE'S ABSOLUTELY NO RUSH. |
| 350 | OKAY. |
| 351 | OKAY. |
| 352 | DON'T YOU WANT A COOKIE? |
| 353 | SURE. |
| 354 | MAYBE DO YOU NEED A TISSUE? |
| 355 | MM-HMM. |
| 356 | MONICA, WHERE DID YOU GET THESE? |
| 357 | I MADE THEM. |
| 358 | OH... |
| 359 | GOD, THEY'RE SO YUMMY. |
| 360 | GOD, IT'S GOING TO BE WEIRD |
| 361 | LIKE WHEN I COME HOME AND YOU'RE NOT HERE, YOU KNOW? |
| 362 | NO MORE JOEY AND CHAN'S. |
| 363 | NO MORE J AND C's. |
| 364 | WANT TO GO OVER TO JOEY AND CHANDLER'S? |
| 365 | CAN'T. IT'S NOT THERE. |
| 366 | LOOK, I'M JUST GOING TO BE ACROSS THE HALL. |
| 367 | WE CAN STILL DO ALL THE SAME STUFF. |
| 368 | YEAH, BUT WE WON'T BE ABLE |
| 369 | TO LIKE GET UP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT |
| 370 | AND HAVE THOSE LONG TALKS ABOUT OUR FEELINGS |
| 371 | AND THE FUTURE. |
| 372 | NOT ONCE DID WE DO THAT. |
| 373 | HI. |
| 374 | HEY. HEY. |
| 375 | SO, I TOLD RACHEL THAT IT'S JUST GOING |
| 376 | TO BE THE TWO OF US. |
| 377 | OH, YEAH? |
| 378 | HOW'D SHE TAKE IT? |
| 379 | REALLY WELL, YEAH. |
| 380 | SURPRISINGLY WELL. |
| 381 | SHE DIDN'T CRY. |
| 382 | SHE WASN'T ANGRY OR SAD. |
| 383 | AND YOU'RE UPSET |
| 384 | BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T MAKE YOUR BEST FRIEND CRY? |
| 385 | I MEAN, ALL I'M ASKING FOR IS JUST A LITTLE EMOTION. |
| 386 | IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK AFTER SIX YEARS? |
| 387 | WHAT? ARE RACHEL AND I NOT AS CLOSE AS YOU GUYS? |
| 388 | I MEAN, DO WE NOT HAVE AS MUCH FUN? |
| 389 | DON'T I DESERVE A FEW TEARS? |
| 390 | WHEN WE TOLD JOEY, HE CRIED HIS EYES OUT. |
| 391 | HEY! I DID NOT CRY MY EYES OUT! |
| 392 | COME ON. |
| 393 | IT'S LIKE THE END OF AN ERA. |
| 394 | NO MORE J-MAN AND CHANNY'S. |
| 395 | OKAY, I GOT TO ASK. |
| 396 | WHO CALLS US THAT? |
| 397 | YOU GOT MARRIED AGAIN? |
| 398 | YES. |
| 399 | SO THAT'S YOUR SECOND MARRIAGE IN TWO YEARS. |
| 400 | YES. SECOND IN TWO YEARS. |
| 401 | THIRD OVERALL. |
| 402 | ROSS, I HAVE BEEN A DIVORCE ATTORNEY |
| 403 | FOR 23 YEARS AND NEVER HAVE I HAD |
| 404 | SO MUCH BUSINESS FROM ONE CLIENT. |
| 405 | WHY DON'T YOU TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED. |
| 406 | BASICALLY, RACHEL AND I WERE IN VEGAS AND WE GOT DRUNK... |
| 407 | I'M SORRY. |
| 408 | IS THIS THE SAME RACHEL WHOSE NAME YOU SAID AT THE ALTAR |
| 409 | IN THE SECOND MARRIAGE? |
| 410 | YES, YES, YES! |
| 411 | BUT I DO NOT LOVE HER. |
| 412 | OH. THAT'S BETTER THEN. |
| 413 | THIS WAS JUST A DRUNKEN MISTAKE AND I NEED TO GET IT ANNULLED. |
| 414 | I SEE. |
| 415 | HAVE YOU CONSIDERED THERAPY? |
| 416 | I THINK JUST THE ANNULMENT FOR TODAY. |
| 417 | THERE ARE A COUPLE OF FORMS TO FILL OUT. |
| 418 | EASY. |
| 419 | AND WE'LL NEED TO HAVE WITNESSES WHO CAN TESTIFY |
| 420 | THAT YOU WERE NOT OF SOUND MIND. |
| 421 | NO PROBLEM. |
| 422 | AND WE'LL NEED YOU AND RACHEL TO TESTIFY BEFORE A JUDGE. |
| 423 | OOH. |
| 424 | THERE'S NO WAY TO DO THIS WITHOUT HER? |
| 425 | 'CAUSE I KIND OF ALREADY TOLD HER IT WAS TAKEN CARE OF. |
| 426 | OF COURSE, YOU DID. |
| 427 | LOOK, ROSS. |
| 428 | YOU CAN'T GET AN ANNULMENT |
| 429 | UNLESS YOU AND RACHEL ARE BOTH THERE. |
| 430 | UH-HUH. |
| 431 | WHAT ABOUT SOMEONE WHO LOOKS LIKE RACHEL? |
| 432 | I WILL THINK ABOUT THE THERAPY. |
| 433 | HEY. HEY. |
| 434 | SO, UM, I WAS THINKING THAT MAYBE WE SHOULD START |
| 435 | DIVIDING UP OUR STUFF. |
| 436 | OKAY. |
| 437 | NO POINT IN DRAGGING IT OUT. |
| 438 | DRAGGING OUT THE LONG PROCESS OF YOU MOVING OUT |
| 439 | AND US NOT LIVING TOGETHER ANYMORE. |
| 440 | OKAY. |
| 441 | OKAY. |
| 442 | HEY, RACH. |
| 443 | YEAH? |
| 444 | WHAT ABOUT THIS? |
| 445 | WHO GETS THIS? |
| 446 | SEE, I DON'T KNOW IF I WANT IT |
| 447 | BECAUSE IT MIGHT BE TOO MANY MEMORIES. |
| 448 | WHAT THE HELL IS THAT? |
| 449 | I DON'T KNOW. |
| 450 | HEY, RACHEL |
| 451 | HOW ABOUT THE BIG PLATE? |
| 452 | I WANT YOU TO HAVE THE BIG PLATE. |
| 453 | WOW. MONICA, THANKS. |
| 454 | I LOVE THIS PLATE. |
| 455 | SOMETHING TO REMEMBER ME BY. |
| 456 | MON, HONEY, YOU'RE NOT DYING. |
| 457 | I'M JUST MOVING OUT. |
| 458 | WE'RE GOING TO SEE EACH OTHER ALL THE TIME. |
| 459 | STILL, IT'S A BIG CHANGE. |
| 460 | THE END OF AN ERA, YOU MIGHT SAY. |
| 461 | ARE YOU OKAY? |
| 462 | YOU'RE NOT BLINKING. |
| 463 | I'M FINE! |
| 464 | I WAS THINKING ABOUT HOW IT'S THE END OF AN ERA. |
| 465 | OH, ALL RIGHT. |
| 466 | BUT, YOU KNOW, I GOT TO SAY |
| 467 | I DON'T THINK SIX YEARS COUNTS AS AN ERA. |
| 468 | AND ERA IS DEFINED AS A SIGNIFICANT PERIOD OF TIME. |
| 469 | IT WAS SIGNIFICANT FOR ME. |
| 470 | MAYBE IT WASN'T SIGNIFICANT TO YOU! |
| 471 | WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU? |
| 472 | WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU?! |
| 473 | WHY AREN'T YOU MORE UPSET?! |
| 474 | AREN'T YOU GOING TO BE SAD |
| 475 | THAT WE'RE NOT LIVING TOGETHER ANYMORE? |
| 476 | AREN'T YOU GOING TO MISS ME AT ALL? |
| 477 | MON... ALL RIGHT. |
| 478 | BUT DON'T GET MAD AT ME. |
| 479 | IT'S JUST A LITTLE HARD TO BELIEVE. |
| 480 | WHAT'S HARD TO BELIEVE? |
| 481 | WELL, YOU KNOW, I MEAN, IT'S YOU GUYS. |
| 482 | YOU DO THIS KIND OF STUFF, YOU KNOW? |
| 483 | I MEAN, YOU WERE GOING TO GET MARRIED IN VEGAS |
| 484 | AND THEN YOU BACKED OUT. |
| 485 | I GUESS I'M NOT UPSET |
| 486 | BECAUSE I DON'T SEE YOU ACTUALLY GOING THROUGH WITH IT. |
| 487 | I'M SORRY. |
| 488 | RACHEL... |
| 489 | IT'S GOING TO HAPPEN. |
| 490 | CHANDLER IS GOING TO MOVE IN HERE. |
| 491 | BUT... |
| 492 | I KNOW. JUST LET ME FINISH, OKAY? |
| 493 | THIS ISN'T SOMETHING |
| 494 | THAT WE JUST IMPULSIVELY DECIDED TO DO IN VEGAS. |
| 495 | THIS IS SOMETHING WE BOTH REALLY WANT. |
| 496 | AND IT IS GOING TO HAPPEN. |
| 497 | IT IS? |
| 498 | REALLY? |
| 499 | YES, SWEETIE. |
| 500 | YOU MEAN WE'RE... |
| 501 | NOT GOING TO LIVE TOGETHER ANYMORE? |
| 502 | NO. |
| 503 | WHA...? |
| 504 | OH, MY GOD! |
| 505 | I'M GOING TO MISS YOU SO MUCH! |
| 506 | I'M GOING TO MISS YOU! |
| 507 | OH. |
| 508 | I MEAN, IT'S THE END OF AN ERA! |
| 509 | I KNOW! |
| 510 | Phoebe: OKAY, BYE. |
| 511 | OH, NO. |
| 512 | SO, DID YOU GET THE ANNULMENT? |
| 513 | I COULDN'T. |
| 514 | I KNEW IT. |
| 515 | BECAUSE YOU LOVE RACHEL. |
| 516 | IT'S NOT THAT, OKAY? |
| 517 | ANNULMENTS ARE MORE COMPLICATED THAN I... |
| 518 | YEAH, COMPLICATED 'CAUSE OF THE LOVE. |
| 519 | I DO NOT LOVE RACHEL. |
| 520 | I'M GOING TO TELL HER RIGHT NOW ABOUT THE WHOLE THING |
| 521 | SO WE CAN GET THIS MARRIAGE ANNULLED |
| 522 | AS FAST AS POSSIBLE, OKAY? |
| 523 | WOULD I DO THAT IF I LOVED HER? |
| 524 | I'VE NEVER BEEN MORE CONVINCED OF YOUR LOVE FOR HER. |
| 525 | I DO NOT HAVE FEELINGS FOR RACHEL, OKAY? |
| 526 | ( softly ): OH, WHAT'S WRONG? |
| 527 | MONICA AND CHANDLER ARE REALLY MOVING IN HERE |
| 528 | AND I HAVE TO MOVE OUT AND EVERYTHING IS CHANGING. |
| 529 | OH, MY... |
| 530 | COME HERE. COME HERE. |
| 531 | IT'S OKAY. |
| 532 | EVERYTHING'S GOING TO BE OKAY. |
| 533 | THANK YOU. |
| 534 | OF COURSE. |
| 535 | ( whimpers ) |
| 536 | SO, ROSS AND RACHEL GOT MARRIED. |
| 537 | MONICA AND CHANDLER ALMOST GOT MARRIED. |
| 538 | YOU THINK YOU AND I SHOULD HOOK UP? |
| 539 | WE DO. |
| 540 | BUT NOT JUST YET. |
| 541 | REALLY? |
| 542 | WHEN? |
| 543 | OKAY, UM, WELL |
| 544 | FIRST CHANDLER AND MONICA WILL GET MARRIED |
| 545 | AND BE FILTHY RICH, BY THE WAY |
| 546 | BUT IT WON'T WORK OUT. |
| 547 | WOW. |
| 548 | I KNOW. |
| 549 | THEN I'M GOING TO MARRY CHANDLER FOR THE MONEY |
| 550 | AND YOU'LL MARRY RACHEL AND HAVE THE BEAUTIFUL KIDS. |
| 551 | GREAT. |
| 552 | BUT THEN WE DITCH THOSE TWO AND THAT'S WHEN WE GET MARRIED. |
| 553 | WE'LL HAVE CHANDLER'S MONEY |
| 554 | AND RACHEL'S KIDS-- |
| 555 | AND GETTING CUSTODY WILL BE EASY |
| 556 | BECAUSE OF RACHEL'S DRINKING PROBLEM. |
| 557 | OH-OH. WHAT ABOUT ROSS? |
| 558 | I DON'T WANT TO GO INTO THE WHOLE THING |
| 559 | BUT, UM, WE HAVE WORDS AND I KILL HIM. |
| 560 | [Captioned by The Caption Center WGBH Educational Foundation] |
| 561 | |
| 1 | HEY. |
| 2 | HEY, CHECK IT OUT. THIS IS UNBELIEVABLE. |
| 3 | JOEY HAS BEEN HOLDING HIS BREATH |
| 4 | FOR ALMOST FOUR MINUTES. |
| 5 | DUDE, ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME? |
| 6 | PHEEBS. |
| 7 | I WANT TO ASK YOU SOMETHING. |
| 8 | UH-HUH. WHAT? |
| 9 | WELL, SINCE I'M MOVING OUT |
| 10 | AN-AND YOU'RE SO BEAUTIFUL.. |
| 11 | OH... HOW ABOUT |
| 12 | I MOVE IN WITH YOU? |
| 13 | WELL, THAT WOULD BE GREAT |
| 14 | BUT THEN WHAT DO WE DO ABOUT DENISE? |
| 15 | WHO'S DENISE? |
| 16 | MY ROOMMATE. |
| 17 | DO YOU HAVE A ROOMMATE? |
| 18 | YES, DENISE. DENISE. |
| 19 | WHAT IS WITH THE SECRECY, PHOEBE? |
| 20 | AND WHAT ABOUT THIS DENISE? |
| 21 | IS SHE CUTE? |
| 22 | PHEEBS, I DON'T UNDERSTAND. |
| 23 | HOW CAN YOU HAVE A ROOMMATE NONE OF US KNOW ABOUT? |
| 24 | MAYBE BECAUSE YOU NEVER LISTEN TO ANYTHING THAT I SAY. |
| 25 | I TALK ABOUT HER ALL THE TIME. |
| 26 | DENISE! |
| 27 | Joey: HEY, RACHE, LISTEN... |
| 28 | I WAS THINKING, UH, I'M GOING TO HAVE |
| 29 | AN EXTRA ROOM OVER AT MY PLACE. |
| 30 | OH, THAT'S TRUE. |
| 31 | YEAH, WHY DON'T YOU MOVE IN WITH ME? |
| 32 | WE CAN, LIKE, STAY UP LATE TALKING AND WATCH MOVIES... |
| 33 | AND YOU KNOW ABOUT NAKED THURSDAYS, RIGHT? |
| 34 | YEAH, YEAH, I THINK I'M GOING TO FIND MY OWN PLACE. |
| 35 | HEY, HEY! |
| 36 | I THOUGHT NAKED THURSDAYS |
| 37 | WAS JUST OUR THING, MAN. |
| 38 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 39 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 40 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 41 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 42 | ♪ WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY, YOUR WEEK ♪ |
| 43 | ♪ YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 44 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 45 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME, TOO. ♪ |
| 46 | HEY. |
| 47 | HI. |
| 48 | SO WHAT DID RACHEL SAY |
| 49 | WHEN YOU TOLD HER YOU WERE STILL MARRIED TO HER? |
| 50 | OH, THAT. UM... |
| 51 | SHE TOOK IT REALLY WELL. |
| 52 | OH. YOU DIDN'T TELL HER, DID YOU? |
| 53 | NO. |
| 54 | OF COURSE NOT, BECAUSE YOU'RE IN LOVE WITH HER. |
| 55 | I AM NOT IN LOVE WITH HER. |
| 56 | SHE WAS VERY UPSET |
| 57 | ABOUT HAVING TO MOVE OUT SO I-I DIDN'T TELL HER |
| 58 | WE WERE STILL MARRIED |
| 59 | 'CAUSE SHE'D ONLY GET MORE UPSET. |
| 60 | I-I-I JUST, I COMFORTED HER |
| 61 | AS A FRIEND. |
| 62 | WHAT DO YOU MEAN, COMFORTED HER? |
| 63 | IT WAS NOTHING, JUST GAVE HER A HUG. |
| 64 | UH-HUH! A CLASSIC SIGN OF LOVE, THE HUG. |
| 65 | IT'S ALSO A SIGN OF FRIENDSHIP. |
| 66 | YEAH, NOT IN YOUR CASE, LOVEY LOVERSON. |
| 67 | IT WAS A HUG. |
| 68 | ALL RIGHT, JUST TELL ME THIS. |
| 69 | DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT SMELL HER HAIR? |
| 70 | S-SM-SMELL HER HAIR? |
| 71 | WELL, WHAT IF I DID? |
| 72 | 90% OF A WOMAN'S PHEROMONES COME OUT THE TOP OF HER HEAD. |
| 73 | THAT'S WHY, THAT'S WHY WOMEN ARE SHORTER. |
| 74 | SO THAT MEN WILL FALL IN LOVE WHEN THEY HUG THEM. |
| 75 | OH, COME ON, ROSS, YOU'RE A SCIENTIST. |
| 76 | I WAS HUGGING HER AS A FRIEND, OKAY. |
| 77 | IT'S NOT MY FAULT HER, HER HAIR GOT IN MY FACE. |
| 78 | SHE'S GOT A LOT OF IT |
| 79 | AND IT SMELLS ALL, ALL, UH... |
| 80 | ( inhales ) |
| 81 | YOU KNOW, COCONUTTY. |
| 82 | WHAT? OH-- |
| 83 | THAT DOESN'T MEAN I HAVE FEELINGS FOR RACHEL. |
| 84 | MAYBE IT MEANS I HAVE FEELINGS FOR COCONUTS. |
| 85 | OKAY. WHATEVER YOU SAY |
| 86 | BUT JUST BE CAREFUL, ALL RIGHT? |
| 87 | RACHEL'S NOT IN THE SAME PLACE YOU ARE. |
| 88 | OKAY, IF THE PLACE YOU'RE REFERRING TO |
| 89 | IS BEING IN LOVE |
| 90 | THEN SHE IS IN THE SAME PLACE AS ME |
| 91 | BECAUSE I AM NOT IN THAT PLACE. |
| 92 | OKAY, I DIDN'T UNDERSTAND THAT |
| 93 | BUT, YOU KNOW |
| 94 | MAYBE THAT'S 'CAUSE YOU WERE SPEAKING |
| 95 | THE SECRET LANGUAGE OF LOVE. |
| 96 | HEY. HI. |
| 97 | DUDE, SOME GUY JUST CALLED FOR YOU. |
| 98 | WHO WAS IT? |
| 99 | I DON'T KNOW. |
| 100 | HOW ABOUT, "THANKS FOR TAKING THE MESSAGE"? GEEZ. |
| 101 | HEY, LISTEN, YOU KNOW |
| 102 | WHEN YOU MOVE IN, RACHEL'S ROOM'S |
| 103 | GOING TO BE EMPTY. |
| 104 | YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT |
| 105 | WHAT WE WANT TO DO WITH IT? |
| 106 | SURE. |
| 107 | OKAY. I WAS THINKING WE SHOULD HAVE |
| 108 | A BEAUTIFUL GUEST ROOM, RIGHT? |
| 109 | WITH A MAHOGANY SLEIGH BED |
| 110 | AND BEDSIDE TABLES WITH FLOWERS ON IT ALL THE TIME |
| 111 | AND THEN WE CAN HAVE |
| 112 | A ROLL-TOP DESK WITH LITTLE COMMENT CARDS |
| 113 | SO PEOPLE CAN TELL US HOW MUCH |
| 114 | THEY LOVED STAYING HERE. |
| 115 | OR WHATEVER, YOU KNOW. |
| 116 | I REALLY HAVEN'T THOUGHT ABOUT IT MUCH. |
| 117 | WELL, I LIKE THAT IDEA. OBVIOUSLY. |
| 118 | BUT I WAS THINKING MAYBE, MAYBE... MAYBE IT COULD BE |
| 119 | A GAME ROOM, YOU KNOW. |
| 120 | I MEAN, YOU CAN BUY OLD ARCADE GAMES |
| 121 | LIKE, UH, LIKE SPACE INVADERS AND ASTEROIDS FOR $200. |
| 122 | THE REAL ONES, THE BIG, BIG, BIG ONES. |
| 123 | NO. |
| 124 | OKAY, SO YOU MEAN "NO" |
| 125 | AS IN, "GEE, CHANDLER, WHAT AN INTERESTING IDEA |
| 126 | LET'S DISCUSS IT BEFORE WE REJECT IT COMPLETELY." |
| 127 | OH, I'M SORRY. OF COURSE. |
| 128 | YES, INTERESTING IDEA. |
| 129 | TALK ABOUT IT, BUT... NO. |
| 130 | SO THAT'S IT? |
| 131 | I JUST DON'T THINK THAT, YOU KNOW, ARCADE GAMES |
| 132 | GO IN THE BEAUTIFUL GUEST ROOM. |
| 133 | THE BEAUTIFUL GUEST ROOM'S |
| 134 | GOING TO BE FILLED WITH ANTIQUES. |
| 135 | WHICH IS WHY ASTEROIDS IS PERFECT. |
| 136 | IT'S THE OLDEST GAME. |
| 137 | WHAT DO YOU HAVE AGAINST THE BEAUTIFUL GUEST ROOM? |
| 138 | NOTHING. I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING AGAINST THE BEAUTIFUL GUEST ROOM |
| 139 | ESPECIALLY SINCE EVERYBODY THAT WE KNOW |
| 140 | LIVES ABOUT 30 SECONDS AWAY. |
| 141 | ARE YOU MOCKING ME? |
| 142 | NO, I'M NOT MOCKING YOU |
| 143 | OR YOUR "BEAUTIFUL GUEST ROOM." |
| 144 | HEY, WHAT'S UP? |
| 145 | OH, NOTHING. MONICA AND I HAD A STUPID FIGHT. |
| 146 | BUT YOU'RE STILL MOVING IN TOGETHER, RIGHT? |
| 147 | 'CAUSE MY AD CAME OUT TODAY. |
| 148 | "WANTED, FEMALE ROOMMATE, NONSMOKER, NON-UGLY." |
| 149 | NICE. |
| 150 | YEAH? |
| 151 | I JUST FIGURED AFTER LIVING WITH YOU |
| 152 | IT WOULD BE AN INTERESTING CHANGE OF PACE |
| 153 | TO HAVE A FEMALE ROOMMATE. |
| 154 | YOU KNOW? SOMEONE I COULD LEARN FROM. |
| 155 | SOMEONE... SOMEONE WHO'S DIFFERENT THAN ME |
| 156 | AND WHAT'S MORE DIFFERENT THAN ME-- A GUY WHO'S NOT 19-- |
| 157 | THAN, SAY, A GIRL WHO IS 19? |
| 158 | YEAH? |
| 159 | NOT JUST A HAT RACK, MY FRIEND. |
| 160 | PHEEBS, I HAVE TO ASK YOU... |
| 161 | SHH! I'M SWAMPED RIGHT NOW. |
| 162 | YOU'RE JUST STARING INTO SPACE. |
| 163 | UM, I'M TRYING TO MOVE THAT PENCIL. |
| 164 | THIS ONE? |
| 165 | IT WORKED! |
| 166 | PHEEBS. THIS WHOLE APARTMENT THING |
| 167 | IS A NIGHTMARE. |
| 168 | EVERY PLACE THAT I CAN AFFORD |
| 169 | COMES WITH A ROOMMATE WHO IS A FREAK. |
| 170 | I MEAN, LOOK AT THIS. |
| 171 | "WANTED. FEMALE ROOMMATE. NONSMOKER, NON-UGLY." |
| 172 | I MEAN, IT'S JUST THAT THERE'S NOTHING. |
| 173 | THIS CITY IS FULL. |
| 174 | WAIT, NO, LOOK AT THIS. |
| 175 | "TWO BEDROOM, TWO BATH, MUST BE NONSMOKER. |
| 176 | SATAN WORSHIPERS OKAY." |
| 177 | OH, YEAH, BUT IT'S ON THE GROUND FLOOR. |
| 178 | HEY. |
| 179 | HEY. |
| 180 | RACHE, UH, YOU STILL LOOKING FOR A PLACE? |
| 181 | YEAH, WHY? |
| 182 | OKAY, THERE'S THIS GUY, WARREN |
| 183 | FROM THE MUSEUM AND HE'S GOING ON A DIG FOR LIKE TWO YEARS |
| 184 | AND HE'S GOT THIS GREAT PLACE |
| 185 | HE NEEDS TO SUBLET, SO, UH... YOU INTERESTED? |
| 186 | THAT SOUNDS GREAT. |
| 187 | I'D LOVE TO LIVE AT WARREN'S. |
| 188 | I LOVE WARREN. |
| 189 | THANK YOU. |
| 190 | DON'T THANK ME. |
| 191 | YOU WANT TO THANK SOMEONE, THANK THE VOLCANO |
| 192 | THAT ERUPTED THOUSANDS OF YEARS AGO |
| 193 | KILLING, BUT PERFECTLY PRESERVING |
| 194 | AN ENTIRE CIVILIZATION. |
| 195 | HERE'S WARREN'S NUMBER. |
| 196 | OH, THIS IS GREAT. |
| 197 | I AM GOING TO CALL HIM RIGHT NOW! |
| 198 | THANK YOU. |
| 199 | OKAY. |
| 200 | YOU GO CALL HIM. |
| 201 | I SAW IT. |
| 202 | I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT. |
| 203 | UM, I'M TALKING ABOUT THAT |
| 204 | WHICH YOU ALREADY KNOW BUT WON'T ADMIT. |
| 205 | YOU KNOW, THAT YOU LOVE HER AGAIN. |
| 206 | YOU RE-LOVE HER. |
| 207 | LOOK, I DO NOT RE-LOVE HER. |
| 208 | I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WON'T JUST ADMIT IT. |
| 209 | OKAY, JUST PROMISE ME THAT YOU WON'T DO ANYTHING STUPID. |
| 210 | LOOK, WE'RE JUST FRIENDS NOW, OKAY? |
| 211 | WHY WOULD I DO ANYTHING STUPID? |
| 212 | ( growling ) |
| 213 | WELL, THE APARTMENT IS ALREADY SUBLETTED. |
| 214 | THIS IS JUST HOPELESS. |
| 215 | I'M NEVER GOING TO FIND ANYTHING. |
| 216 | YOU CAN LIVE WITH ME. |
| 217 | WHAT? |
| 218 | WHAT? |
| 219 | WHAT? |
| 220 | OH, MY GOD |
| 221 | ARE YOU SERIOUS? |
| 222 | I WOULD LOVE TO LIVE WITH YOU, ROSS. |
| 223 | TH-THAT'S GREAT. THANK YOU. |
| 224 | I-I'M JUST GLAD I COULD, YOU KNOW, HELP YOU OUT. |
| 225 | WOW, I'M, I'M SO HAPPY FOR YOU GUYS. |
| 226 | THIS IS SO, SO NOT STUPID. |
| 227 | ROSS, ROSS, YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THIS MEANS TO ME |
| 228 | I MEAN, I MEAN I WAS GOING TO BE HOMELESS. |
| 229 | YOU'VE JUST SAVED ME. |
| 230 | YOU'RE MY HERO. |
| 231 | HERO. I, I DON'T KNOW. |
| 232 | WELL, ALL RIGHT. |
| 233 | OH, I HAVE TO GO TELL MONICA |
| 234 | WHAT A WONDERFUL BROTHER SHE HAS. |
| 235 | OH, PLEASE... |
| 236 | YOU'RE GOING TO SAY THINGS NOW, AREN'T YOU? |
| 237 | NO. NO, I WON'T |
| 238 | BUT I SHOULD TELL YOU THIS: |
| 239 | THIS EXACT SAME THING HAPPENED TO MY ROOMMATE DENISE. |
| 240 | SHE MOVED IN WITH A GUY WHO WAS SECRETLY MARRIED TO HER |
| 241 | AND HE SAID HE DIDN'T LOVE HER BUT HE REALLY DID |
| 242 | AND IT JUST BLEW UP |
| 243 | AND THAT'S HOW SHE ENDED UP LIVING WITH ME. |
| 244 | OKAY, THAT'S A LIE. |
| 245 | HI. |
| 246 | HI. |
| 247 | HI, LISTEN, I'M SORRY ABOUT BEFORE. |
| 248 | I DON'T NEED TO HAVE A GAME ROOM. |
| 249 | I MEAN, WHEN I WAS A KID I ONLY PLAYED THOSE GAMES |
| 250 | BECAUSE I COULDN'T GET GIRLS |
| 251 | AND NOW I CAN GET 'EM. |
| 252 | NOW I HAVE YOU. |
| 253 | NO,-N-NOT THAT I THINK I HAVE YOU... |
| 254 | OR THINK OF YOU AS PROPERTY IN ANY SORT OF WAY. |
| 255 | I SEE WOMEN... |
| 256 | STOP IT, CHANDLER. |
| 257 | I'M SORRY, TOO. |
| 258 | REALLY? |
| 259 | YEAH. OH, YES... |
| 260 | LISTEN, WE DON'T HAVE |
| 261 | TO MAKE THAT A GUEST ROOM. |
| 262 | WE CAN THINK OF SOMETHING |
| 263 | TO DO WITH THE ROOM TOGETHER. |
| 264 | THAT'S A GREAT IDEA. |
| 265 | WE CAN EASILY THINK OF A WAY |
| 266 | FOR US BOTH TO ENJOY THE ROOM. |
| 267 | TOTALLY. |
| 268 | WE DON'T HAVE |
| 269 | TO COME UP WITH THIS NOW. |
| 270 | OH, GOOD. |
| 271 | HEY, WHY DON'T WE THINK ABOUT CHANGES |
| 272 | WE CAN MAKE IN THE LIVING ROOM. |
| 273 | CHANGES? |
| 274 | YEAH, I MEAN, WE'RE GOING TO HAVE |
| 275 | TO MOVE AROUND SOME FURNITURE |
| 276 | TO MAKE ROOM FOR MY CHAIR. |
| 277 | Y-Y-YOU'RE GOING TO BRING THE BARCALOUNGER OVER HERE? |
| 278 | IS THAT A PROBLEM? |
| 279 | WELL... IT'S JUST THAT THEY'RE A SET |
| 280 | AND THEY SHOULD PROBABLY STAY TOGETHER. |
| 281 | OH, THAT'S COOL. |
| 282 | THEN I'LL JUST, UH, BRING THEM BOTH OVER. |
| 283 | SEE, NOW, NOW, YOU'RE TAKING THEM AWAY FROM THEIR HOME. |
| 284 | OKAY. I GET IT. |
| 285 | SO I GET NOTHING. |
| 286 | NOTHING HERE IS MINE. |
| 287 | EVERYTHING IS YOURS. |
| 288 | I'LL GET UP IN THE MORNING |
| 289 | PUT ON YOUR CLOTHES, AND HEAD OFF TO WORK. |
| 290 | YEAH, YEAH, YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 291 | YEAH, THAT'S IT-- EVERYTHING WILL BE MINE. |
| 292 | NOTHING WILL BE YOURS. |
| 293 | THAT'S WHAT I SAID. |
| 294 | COME ON, I'M TALKING ABOUT THE BARCALOUNGER! |
| 295 | IT JUST, IT DOESN'T MATCH. |
| 296 | WHERE IS IT GOING TO GO? |
| 297 | IN THE GAME ROOM! |
| 298 | LOOK, IT IS NOT MY FAULT |
| 299 | THAT YOUR CHAIRS ARE INCREDIBLY UGLY. |
| 300 | ALL RIGHT, THAT'S FINE. THAT'S FINE. |
| 301 | I WON'T BRING THE CHAIRS. |
| 302 | I WON'T BRING ANYTHING. |
| 303 | I WOULDN'T WANT TO RUIN THE AMBIANCE |
| 304 | OVER HERE AT GRANDMA'S PLACE! |
| 305 | EVERYTHING ON YOUR APPLICATION |
| 306 | LOOKS REALLY GOOD. UH... |
| 307 | OH, JUST ONE LAST QUESTION. UH... |
| 308 | ARE YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS GOING TO BE OVER HERE |
| 309 | ALL THE TIME LIKE PARTYING AND HANGING OUT? |
| 310 | OH, DON'T WORRY, I'M NOT REALLY A PARTY GIRL. |
| 311 | WHOA. NOW, LOOK. |
| 312 | DON'T JUST BE BLURTING STUFF OUT. |
| 313 | I WANT YOU TO REALLY THINK ABOUT YOUR ANSWERS. |
| 314 | ( door opening ) |
| 315 | YOU CAN CALL OFF THE ROOMMATE SEARCH. |
| 316 | HI. I'LL BE LIVING HERE. |
| 317 | DON'T LISTEN TO HIM. |
| 318 | HE'S JUST SOME GUY WHO REALLY WANTS THE APARTMENT |
| 319 | BUT I DON'T THINK HE'S GOING TO GET IT. |
| 320 | WHY DID YOU TAKE THE SHOWER CURTAIN DOWN? |
| 321 | THAT THING WAS A HAZARD. |
| 322 | I'M VERY SAFETY-CONSCIOUS. |
| 323 | HEY. |
| 324 | HEY. |
| 325 | OH, I WAS JUST CLEARING SOME SPACE FOR YOUR STUFF. |
| 326 | OH, THANKS. |
| 327 | BUT, LISTEN, I WAS JUST AT MONICA'S |
| 328 | AND SHE AND CHANDLER HAD A BIG FIGHT |
| 329 | AND THEY'RE NOT MOVING IN. |
| 330 | WHAT DO YOU MEAN, THEY'RE NOT MOVING IN? |
| 331 | THEY'RE-THEY'RE STILL MOVING IN, RIGHT? |
| 332 | NO, NO. THEY JUST HAD A BIG BLOWOUT |
| 333 | OVER WHAT TO DO WITH MY ROOM. |
| 334 | WHAT? OVER A STUPID ROOM? |
| 335 | I KNOW. I FEEL KIND OF BAD FOR THEM |
| 336 | BUT I'M ALSO REALLY PSYCHED |
| 337 | 'CAUSE NOW I DON'T HAVE TO MOVE IN HERE. |
| 338 | OH. NO-NO, YEAH. |
| 339 | NO, THAT PART'S GREAT. |
| 340 | WHAT'S ALL THIS ABOUT YOU GUYS FIGHTING? |
| 341 | IS THIS REALLY OVER A ROOM? |
| 342 | I MEAN, THAT IS SO SILLY. |
| 343 | ROSS, WE CAN HANDLE THIS. |
| 344 | UH, APPARENTLY NOT |
| 345 | AND I CAN'T JUST STAND BY AND WATCH TWO PEOPLE |
| 346 | I CARE ABOUT SO MUCH BE HURT BY SOMETHING THAT IS SO SILLY. |
| 347 | I MEAN |
| 348 | ENOUGH OF THE SILLINESS. |
| 349 | WELL, WHY DON'T YOU |
| 350 | TELL HER TO STOP BEING SILLY? |
| 351 | ( babbling ) |
| 352 | ALL RIGHT, OKAY, OKAY. |
| 353 | TWO VERY GOOD POINTS. |
| 354 | LOOK... I'VE KNOWN YOU BOTH A LONG TIME |
| 355 | AND I'VE NEVER SEEN EITHER OF YOU ONE-MILLIONTH |
| 356 | AS HAPPY AS YOU'VE BEEN SINCE YOU GOT TOGETHER. |
| 357 | DO YOU REALLY WANT TO THROW |
| 358 | THAT ALL AWAY OVER A ROOM? |
| 359 | THAT IS SO SILLY. |
| 360 | I MEAN, WHAT'S MORE IMPORTANT-- |
| 361 | LOVE... OR SILLINESS? |
| 362 | WELL, WE ARE FOND OF THE SILLINESS |
| 363 | BUT WE ALSO HAVE A SOFT SPOT FOR THE LOVE. |
| 364 | LOVE IS THE BEST MEDICINE. THAT'S LAUGHTER. |
| 365 | WHY DO YOU DO IT? I DON'T KNOW. |
| 366 | OKAY, ALL RIGHT. |
| 367 | NOW, CHANDLER, YOU WANT TO LIVE WITH MONICA, RIGHT? |
| 368 | YEAH, I DO. |
| 369 | AND, MON, YOU WANT TO LIVE WITH CHANDLER, DON'T YOU? |
| 370 | YES. |
| 371 | GOOD. A VERBAL CONTRACT IS BINDING |
| 372 | IN THE STATE OF NEW YORK. |
| 373 | SO, I UNDERSTAND YOU'RE LOOKING FOR A PLACE. |
| 374 | NO, NO, I'M STAYING PUT. |
| 375 | OH. |
| 376 | I WAS GOING TO OFFER YOU MY APARTMENT. |
| 377 | WHY? WHERE ARE YOU GOING? |
| 378 | I DON'T KNOW. |
| 379 | HEY... RACH. |
| 380 | HI. |
| 381 | WELL, YOU'RE NEVER GOING TO BELIEVE IT. |
| 382 | UM, MONICA AND CHANDLER ARE MOVING IN AGAIN. |
| 383 | IT'S GREAT NEWS, RIGHT? |
| 384 | I MEAN, FOR THEM, RIGHT? |
| 385 | OH, WOW. |
| 386 | YEAH, BUT ON THE BRIGHT SIDE, WE GET TO BE ROOMMATES AGAIN. |
| 387 | YE... YEAH. |
| 388 | YOU KNOW, ABOUT THAT, UM... |
| 389 | ROSS, I... I REALLY APPRECIATE YOUR OFFER |
| 390 | TO LET ME MOVE IN AND EVERYTHING, BUT... |
| 391 | DON'T YOU THINK IT'S GOING TO BE WEIRD? |
| 392 | WH-WHY? |
| 393 | WHY-WHY WOULD IT-- WHY WOULD IT BE WEIRD? |
| 394 | WELL, YOU KNOW, BECAUSE OF US-- |
| 395 | BECAUSE OF OUR HISTORY. |
| 396 | ( high-pitched voice ): NO! |
| 397 | NO? |
| 398 | NO! NO! |
| 399 | IT WOULD ONLY BE WEIRD |
| 400 | IF WE WERE STILL IN THAT PLACE. |
| 401 | I MEAN, ARE YOU STILL IN THAT PLACE? |
| 402 | NO, NOT AT ALL. |
| 403 | GOOD. ME NEITHER. |
| 404 | SO IT'S NOT A PROBLEM. |
| 405 | AND WE'RE JUST TWO FRIENDS |
| 406 | WHO HAPPEN TO BE ROOMMATES. |
| 407 | OKAY, BUT, ROSS |
| 408 | EVENTUALLY YOU AND I ARE GOING TO BE DATING. |
| 409 | REALLY. WE ARE. |
| 410 | WELL, YEAH. I'M GOING TO HAVE A BOYFRIEND |
| 411 | AND YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE A GIRLFRIEND. |
| 412 | OHH. |
| 413 | THAT'D BE GREAT. |
| 414 | BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 415 | IF YOU THINK IT'S GOING TO BE OKAY |
| 416 | WE'LL JUST WORK OUT A SYSTEM. |
| 417 | YOU KNOW, IT'LL BE LIKE IN COLLEGE. |
| 418 | I'LL HANG A HANGER ON THE DOOR AND PUT A SIGN: |
| 419 | "COME BACK LATER. |
| 420 | I'M GETTING LUCKY." |
| 421 | ( cackling ) |
| 422 | YEAH, I DIDN'T THINK OF THAT. |
| 423 | SO ARE YOU SURE ABOUT THIS WHOLE MOVING IN THING? |
| 424 | I MEAN, IT'S A REALLY BIG STEP. |
| 425 | AND WHAT'S THE RUSH? |
| 426 | ( Chandler and Monica laughing ) |
| 427 | THAT'S VERY FUNNY. |
| 428 | HE'S BEING SILLY BECAUSE HE KNOWS |
| 429 | THAT WE ENJOY THE SILLINESS. |
| 430 | NO, I'M-I'M SERIOUS, OKAY? |
| 431 | I MEAN, THINK ABOUT IT. |
| 432 | YOU MOVE IN |
| 433 | UH, YOU START FIGHTING OVER STUPID GAME ROOMS. |
| 434 | NEXT THING YOU KNOW, YOU BREAK UP. |
| 435 | ROSS, YOU WERE RIGHT BEFORE. |
| 436 | IT WAS JUST A STUPID FIGHT ABOUT A ROOM. |
| 437 | LOOK, THERE ARE NO STUPID FIGHTS. |
| 438 | THIS ISN'T ABOUT THE ROOM. |
| 439 | THIS IS ABOUT WHAT THE ROOMREPRESENTS |
| 440 | AND UNFORTUNATELY, THIS ROOM COULD DESTROY YOU. |
| 441 | YEAH, I'M NOT SO WORRIED. |
| 442 | YEAH. NO, ME NEITHER. |
| 443 | FINE. IT'S YOUR LIFE. |
| 444 | I JUST DON'T WANT TO SEE YOU GUYS BREAK UP, YOU KNOW? |
| 445 | WHICH YOU WILL DO IF YOU MOVE IN TOGETHER. |
| 446 | BUT IF THAT'S WHAT YOU WANT, THERE'S NOTHING I CAN DO. |
| 447 | DON'T DO IT! |
| 448 | YOU STILL WANT TO MOVE IN TOGETHER, RIGHT? |
| 449 | OF COURSE. |
| 450 | ROSS DIDN'T SCARE YOU? |
| 451 | SCARED ME OUT OF EVER WANTING TO LIVE WITH HIM. |
| 452 | HEY, COME HERE. I GOT TO SHOW YOU SOMETHING. |
| 453 | OKAY. |
| 454 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 455 | SOMEONE'S KILLED SQUARE MAN. |
| 456 | THIS IS WHERE I THOUGHT THE BARCALOUNGER COULD GO. |
| 457 | YOU SEE, YOU CAN SEE THE TV |
| 458 | AND STILL, IT'S WALKING DISTANCE TO THE KITCHEN. |
| 459 | OH, THAT'S SO SWEET. |
| 460 | I WANT TO SHOW YOU SOMETHING, TOO. OKAY. |
| 461 | YOU KNOW THOSE BIG, BIG ROAD SIGNS |
| 462 | THAT SAY "MERGE"? |
| 463 | MM-HMM. |
| 464 | YOU KNOW? |
| 465 | SO I WAS THINKING THAT WE COULD GET |
| 466 | ONE OF THOSE SIGNS AND HANG IT OVER OUR BED... |
| 467 | BECAUSE THAT'S YOU AND I TOGETHER. |
| 468 | "MERGE." |
| 469 | OH, MY GOD, I LOVE THAT. |
| 470 | REALLY? |
| 471 | UH, NO. |
| 472 | ♪ I FOUND YOU IN MY BED ♪ |
| 473 | ♪ HOW'D YOU WIND UP THERE? ♪ |
| 474 | ♪ YOU ARE A MYSTERY ♪ |
| 475 | ♪ LITTLE BLACK CURLY HAIR ♪ |
| 476 | ♪ LITTLE BLACK CURLY HAIR ♪ |
| 477 | ♪ LITTLE BLACK, LITTLE BLACK, LITTLE BLACK, LITTLE BLACK ♪ |
| 478 | ♪ LITTLE BLACK CURLY HAIR. ♪ |
| 479 | ( applause ) |
| 480 | THANK YOU. |
| 481 | UM... NOW |
| 482 | IF YOU WANT TO RECEIVE E-MAILS ABOUT MY UPCOMING SHOWS |
| 483 | THEN PLEASE GIVE ME MONEY SO I CAN BUY A COMPUTER. |
| 484 | SO, UH... |
| 485 | ( clearing throat ) |
| 486 | WHERE ARE THE OTHER GUYS? UM, WELL, LET'S SEE. |
| 487 | MONICA AND CHANDLER ARE OCCUPIED. |
| 488 | FIGHTING? NO, THE OTHER THING. |
| 489 | I REALLY THINK IT'S GREAT THEY WORKED THINGS OUT. |
| 490 | YEAH, THERE'S NO BREAKING THEM UP, IS THERE? |
| 491 | HEY, CAN I BORROW THE KEY TO YOUR HOUSE |
| 492 | SO I CAN RUN ACROSS THE STREET AND MAKE A COPY? |
| 493 | SURE. HERE. |
| 494 | THANK YOU. |
| 495 | NOW, ARE YOU SURE? |
| 496 | BECAUSE ONCE I MAKE A COPY, THERE'S NO TURNING BACK. |
| 497 | YEAH, I'M SURE. |
| 498 | NOW, GET OUT OF HERE BEFORE I CHANGE MY MIND. |
| 499 | ( Rachel laughing ) |
| 500 | UH... |
| 501 | LISTEN, ROSS... YOU REALLY THINK |
| 502 | THIS MOVING IN WITH RACHEL IS A GOOD IDEA? |
| 503 | I'VE BEEN BACK AND FORTH. |
| 504 | YEAH, WELL, MAYBE YOU SHOULD GO BACK, OKAY? |
| 505 | RACHEL MOVES IN AND, BEFORE YOU KNOW IT |
| 506 | YOU'RE RIGHT WHERE YOU DON'T WANT TO BE-- |
| 507 | BACK TOGETHER. |
| 508 | YEAH, I DON'T THINK SO. |
| 509 | SHE'S ALREADY TALKING ABOUT, YOU KNOW |
| 510 | DATING OTHER GUYS. |
| 511 | THAT'S NOT GOING TO WORK OUT. |
| 512 | THEN SHE'S GOING TO COME HOME ALL WEEPY |
| 513 | AND YOU'LL BE TELLING HER, "OH, THAT'S OKAY. |
| 514 | YOU'LL FIND SOMEONE." |
| 515 | AND THEN BAM! SHE FINDS YOU. |
| 516 | WOW... |
| 517 | WELL, MAYBE YOU'RE RIGHT. |
| 518 | I AM TELLING YOU, ROSS, SHE IS DEFINITELY GOING |
| 519 | TO FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU AGAIN. |
| 520 | NOW, IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT? |
| 521 | AW, IS THAT WHAT I WANT. |
| 522 | ( loudly over microphone): YES. |
| 523 | OKAY, HOLD ON. I'M GOING TO MAKE YOUR LIFE MUCH EASIER. |
| 524 | ALL RIGHT, WELL, THE PLACE WAS CLOSED. |
| 525 | I'LL JUST COPY IT LATER. |
| 526 | OR NOT. |
| 527 | WELL, RACH, WHY DON'T YOU JUST MOVE IN WITH ME? |
| 528 | Ross: OH, WHOA |
| 529 | WHOA, JOEY. |
| 530 | OH, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, IT'S OKAY. |
| 531 | I MEAN, LOOK, RACH, I KNOW I SCARED YOU OFF |
| 532 | WITH THAT WHOLE NAKED THURSDAYS THING, BUT... |
| 533 | WE DON'T HAVE TO DO THAT. |
| 534 | WELL... IT WOULD BE EASIER TO MOVE JUST RIGHT ACROSS THE HALL. |
| 535 | WAIT A MINUTE-- |
| 536 | UNLESS YOU'RE THINKING ABOUT NAKED WEDNESDAYS. |
| 537 | THURSDAY'S CLEARLY NOT GOOD FOR YOU. |
| 538 | PICK A DAY. |
| 539 | ( scoffs ) |
| 540 | HI. COME ON IN. HI. |
| 541 | THANKS FOR COMING BACK. |
| 542 | UM, THERE'VE BEEN A LOT OF PEOPLE |
| 543 | INTERESTED IN THE ROOM, BUT I HAVE NARROWED IT DOWN |
| 544 | AND YOU ARE ONE OF THE FINALISTS. |
| 545 | GREAT. |
| 546 | OKAY, NOW, BEFORE I MAKE MY DECISION |
| 547 | I JUST WANT TO MAKE SURE |
| 548 | THAT OUR PERSONALITIES MATCH, OKAY? |
| 549 | SO I MADE UP A LITTLE TEST. |
| 550 | NOW, I'M GOING TO SAY A WORD |
| 551 | AND THEN YOU SAY THE FIRST THING THAT COMES TO MIND. |
| 552 | I CAN DO THAT. |
| 553 | OKAY, HERE WE GO. |
| 554 | PILLOW. |
| 555 | FIGHT. |
| 556 | VERY GOOD. |
| 557 | "G." |
| 558 | STRING? EXCELLENT. |
| 559 | OKAY |
| 560 | UM... |
| 561 | DOGGIE. |
| 562 | KITTEN? |
| 563 | OOH, SORRY. |
| 564 | ( making irritated sound ) |
| 565 | NO, NO, SO CLOSE, THOUGH BUT, YOU KNOW, OKAY, BYE-BYE. |
| 566 | [Captioned by The Caption Center WGBH Educational Foundation] |
| 567 | |
| 1 | MONICA, WHICH OF ALL OF THIS KITCHEN STUFF IS MINE? |
| 2 | THIS BOTTLE OPENER. |
| 3 | AND...? |
| 4 | AND IT'S A MAGNET. |
| 5 | GO ON. |
| 6 | LOOK AT THAT. |
| 7 | HOW WEIRD IS THAT? |
| 8 | YOU KNOW, YOU'RE MOVING IN WITH ME |
| 9 | AND YOU HAVE THE ONE THING I DON'T HAVE. |
| 10 | HUH? IT'S LIKE, UH... |
| 11 | IN A WAY YOU, YOU COMPLETE ME. |
| 12 | YOU KNOW? |
| 13 | KITCHEN. |
| 14 | WHAT? |
| 15 | YOU COMPLETE ME KITCHEN, MATEY. |
| 16 | ROSS, I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING. |
| 17 | WHAT? |
| 18 | THAT SHE'S GOING TO MOVE IN WITH YOU |
| 19 | AND THEN MAYBE SHE'LL FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU |
| 20 | AND THEN, WHEN SHE FINDS OUT YOU'RE ALREADY MARRIED |
| 21 | OH, SHE'LL JUST BE HAPPY, YOU KNOW? |
| 22 | YOU'RE JUST... YOU'RE VERY SAD. |
| 23 | OH... MY... GOD. |
| 24 | I... I SEE WHAT THIS IS. |
| 25 | YOU ARE IN LOVE WITH RACHEL. |
| 26 | WHAT?! OF COURSE. |
| 27 | IT ALL ADDS UP. I MEAN, YOU'RE OBSESSED WITH HER. |
| 28 | IT'S ALWAYS, "ROSS, WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT RACHEL?" |
| 29 | "ROSS, WHY ARE YOU MOVING IN WITH RACHEL?" |
| 30 | "WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO CONFESS |
| 31 | YOUR SECRET MARRIAGE TO RACHEL?" |
| 32 | YOU WANT HER. |
| 33 | NO! ( phone ringing ) |
| 34 | UH. OH, SAVED BY THE BELL. |
| 35 | HELLO? |
| 36 | HEY, RACH, |
| 37 | AREN'T THESE CANDLESTICKS MINE? |
| 38 | NO, NO, I BOUGHT THOSE. |
| 39 | OH, RIGHT. I FORGOT... |
| 40 | YEAH. |
| 41 | ( whispering ): THAT YOU'RE A LIAR. |
| 42 | Ross: NO, NO. |
| 43 | THAT'S GREAT. |
| 44 | I'LL BE THERE MONDAY. |
| 45 | AND THANK YOU AGAIN. OKAY. |
| 46 | UM, THAT WAS THE HEAD OF THE PALEONTOLOGY DEPARTMENT |
| 47 | AT "N"... UH, "Y"... UH, "U." |
| 48 | WOW. UH, WHAT... DID HE... UH, SAY? |
| 49 | WELL, REMEMBER THAT PAPER I HAD PUBLISHED LAST YEAR ON SEDIMENT |
| 50 | FLOW RATE? HUH? THEY LOVED IT. |
| 51 | WELL, WHO WOULDN'T? |
| 52 | I KNOW. |
| 53 | ANYWAY, THEY ASKED ME TO BE A GUEST LECTURER. |
| 54 | I MEAN, IT'S TEMPORARY, BUT, IF THEY LIKE ME |
| 55 | IT COULD LEAD TO A FULL-TIME JOB. |
| 56 | HOW GREAT WOULD THAT LOOK ON THE MAILBOX, HUH? |
| 57 | PROFESSOR GELLER. |
| 58 | YEAH, PROFESSOR AND MRS. |
| 59 | AND MRS.? |
| 60 | UH... |
| 61 | OH, YEAH. YOU KNOW, YOU AND ROSS ARE STILL MARRIED. |
| 62 | WHAT?! |
| 63 | JUST KIDDING. |
| 64 | OH, GOD! |
| 65 | CAN YOU IMAGINE?! |
| 66 | NO! |
| 67 | SAVED YOUR ASS. |
| 68 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 69 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 70 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 71 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 72 | ♪ WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY, YOUR WEEK ♪ |
| 73 | ♪ YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 74 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 75 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME, TOO. ♪ |
| 76 | HI. |
| 77 | ( dejected tone ): HI. |
| 78 | OH, WHAT'S THE MATTER? |
| 79 | WELL... YOU KNOW THAT PSYCHIC I SEE? YEAH. |
| 80 | WELL, SHE TOLD ME THAT I'M GOING TO DIE THIS WEEK, SO I'M KIND OF |
| 81 | BUMMED ABOUT THAT. WHAT? |
| 82 | YEAH, AND I KNOW YOU GUYS DON'T KNOW |
| 83 | A LOT ABOUT PSYCHIC READINGS |
| 84 | BUT THAT ONE IS PRETTY MUCH |
| 85 | THE WORST ONE YOU CAN GET. |
| 86 | PHOEBE, THAT'S CRAZY. |
| 87 | I CAN'T BELIEVE SHE WOULD SAY THAT TO YOU. |
| 88 | YEAH, HONEY, YOU DON'T BELIEVE HER, DO YOU? |
| 89 | I DON'T KNOW. |
| 90 | SHE, YOU KNOW, SAID THAT I'D HAVE TRIPLETS. |
| 91 | BUT SHE ALSO SAID ONE OF THEM WOULD BE BLACK. |
| 92 | JUST OUT OF CURIOSITY, |
| 93 | DID SHE TELL YOU HOW YOU'RE GOING TO GO? |
| 94 | NO, 'CAUSE SHE DIDN'T TELL ME I WAS GOING TO DIE |
| 95 | TILL THE VERY END OF THE SESSION |
| 96 | AND I WAS NOT GOING TO WASTE A WHOLE OTHER HOUR THERE. |
| 97 | I MEAN, I'VE ONLY GOT A WEEK LEFT, YOU KNOW? |
| 98 | I'VE REALLY GOT TO START LIVING NOW. |
| 99 | HEY, EVERYONE. |
| 100 | OH, HI. |
| 101 | HEY, UH, WELL, TODAY'S MY FIRST LECTURE |
| 102 | AND I KIND OF WANTED TO TRY IT OUT ON YOU GUYS. |
| 103 | DO YOU MIND? |
| 104 | NO, THAT'D BE GREAT. OKAY. ALL RIGHT. |
| 105 | SURE. |
| 106 | OKAY. |
| 107 | ( sighs ) |
| 108 | ( humming nervously ) |
| 109 | ( monotone voice ): "THERE ARE THREE PRIMARY THEORIES |
| 110 | "CONCERNING SEDIMENT FLOW RATE. |
| 111 | "EACH OF THESE THEORIES CAN BE FURTHER SUBCATEGORIZED..." |
| 112 | OH, THIS IS IT. THIS IS WHAT'S GOING TO KILL ME. |
| 113 | "SUBCATEGORIES: |
| 114 | "THE FIRST OF THESE SUBCATEGORIES... |
| 115 | Joey: UH, ROSS. |
| 116 | ARE THERE, UH, ARE THERE NAKED CHICKS ON THAT PIECE OF PAPER? |
| 117 | NO. WHY? |
| 118 | WELL, I JUST NEVER SEEN A GUY STARE SO HARD |
| 119 | AT A PIECE OF PAPER THAT DIDN'T HAVE NAKED CHICKS ON IT. |
| 120 | OH. |
| 121 | OKAY. |
| 122 | OKAY. |
| 123 | "THERE ARE THREE... |
| 124 | "PRIMARY THEORIES... |
| 125 | "CONCERNING SEDIMENT FLOW RATE. |
| 126 | "EACH OF THESE |
| 127 | "THEORIES CAN BE FURTHER SUBCATEGORIZED... |
| 128 | "INTO... |
| 129 | WHY DON'T YOU OPEN WITH A JOKE? |
| 130 | OPEN WITH A JOKE? |
| 131 | IT'S A UNIVERSITY, NOT A COMEDY CLUB. |
| 132 | WELL, WAIT A MINUTE. HOLD THE PHONE. |
| 133 | YOU'RE NOT TALKING ABOUT CHUCKLES UNIVERSITY? |
| 134 | OKAY. |
| 135 | WE'RE KIDDING. COME ON. |
| 136 | ROSS, HEY, YOU KNOW |
| 137 | WHAT MIGHT MAKE IT LESS BORING? |
| 138 | THANK YOU. |
| 139 | SOME, UM, SOME VISUAL AIDS. |
| 140 | OOH-OOH! YOU KNOW WHAT'S A GOOD VISUAL AID? |
| 141 | PLEASE DON'T SAY "NAKED CHICKS." |
| 142 | WHY NOT? |
| 143 | YOU KNOW, I DON'T EVEN KNOW |
| 144 | WHY I BOTHER TO EVEN TALK TO YOU GUYS ABOUT IT, YOU KNOW? |
| 145 | I'M JUST GOING TO DO IT ON MY OWN WITH NO NAKED CHICKS. |
| 146 | THAT'S THE WAY I DID IT UNTIL I WAS 19. |
| 147 | HI. HEY. |
| 148 | ANY GOOD MAIL? |
| 149 | YES. YOU GOT SOMETHING FROM THE SCREEN ACTORS GUILD. |
| 150 | OOH. IT'S PROBABLY A RESIDUAL CHECK. |
| 151 | HEY, CAN YOU OPEN IT FOR ME? I GOT A... |
| 152 | "BENEFITS LAPSED." |
| 153 | HMM. THAT'S WEIRD. |
| 154 | I DON'T REMEMBER BEING IN A MOVIE CALLED |
| 155 | "BENEFITS LAPSED." |
| 156 | IT'S NOT A CHECK. |
| 157 | THEY'RE SAYING YOUR HEALTH INSURANCE EXPIRED BECAUSE... |
| 158 | YOU DIDN'T WORK ENOUGH LAST YEAR. |
| 159 | LET ME SEE THAT. |
| 160 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 161 | OH, I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS. |
| 162 | THIS SUCKS. |
| 163 | WHEN I HAD INSURANCE, I COULD GET HIT BY A BUS OR... |
| 164 | OR CATCH ON FIRE, YOU KNOW? |
| 165 | AND IT WOULDN'T MATTER. |
| 166 | NOW I GOT TO BE CAREFUL? |
| 167 | I'M SORRY, MAN. |
| 168 | THERE'S NEVER A GOOD TIME TO HAVE TO... |
| 169 | STOP CATCHING ON FIRE. |
| 170 | ALL RIGHT, WELL... I GUESS I GOT TO GO GET A JOB. |
| 171 | I'M GOING TO GO SEE MY AGENT. |
| 172 | OKAY, AND MAKE SURE TO LOOK BOTH WAYS |
| 173 | BEFORE YOU CROSS THE STREET. |
| 174 | ( sarcastically ): MAKE SURE TO LOOK BOTH WAYS |
| 175 | BEFORE YOU CROSS THE STREET. |
| 176 | HEY. |
| 177 | HEY, PHEEBS, YOU'RE STILL ALIVE. |
| 178 | HOW ARE YOU FEELING? |
| 179 | OH, IT'S SO EXHAUSTING WAITING FOR DEATH. |
| 180 | OH, BY THE WAY, DO YOU THINK... |
| 181 | ( gasping ) |
| 182 | PHEEBS, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? |
| 183 | I WAS PREPARING YOU FOR MY DE... |
| 184 | DIDN'T YOU THINK I WAS DEAD? |
| 185 | DID THAT NOT COME OFF? |
| 186 | NO. YEAH, SCARED THE HELL OUT OF ME. |
| 187 | I THOUGHT WE'D LOST YOU FOREVER. |
| 188 | PHEEBS, YOU WANT TO LIE DOWN? |
| 189 | YEAH. THANKS. |
| 190 | AND, LISTEN, CAN YOU DO ME A FAVOR? |
| 191 | CAN YOU JUST, UH, WAKE ME UP IN A COUPLE HOURS-- |
| 192 | YOU KNOW, IF YOU CAN? |
| 193 | MONICA... |
| 194 | DID-DID YOU TAKE THESE BACK? |
| 195 | NO, NO. I JUST... I LIKED THEM SO MUCH |
| 196 | THAT I WENT OUT AND BOUGHT SOME FOR MYSELF. |
| 197 | OH. YEAH, THEY'RE REALLY GREAT, AREN'T THEY? |
| 198 | I LOVE THEM. |
| 199 | YEAH. |
| 200 | NICE TRY. |
| 201 | HELLO. |
| 202 | HEY. HOW'D THE LECTURE GO? |
| 203 | IT WENT GREAT. |
| 204 | AND I DIDN'T NEED ANY JOKES OR NAKED CHICKS EITHER. |
| 205 | WOW. THAT'S GREAT, ROSS. |
| 206 | I'M SORRY WE WEREN'T MORE SUPPORTIVE BEFORE. |
| 207 | I KNEW ALL I HAD TO DO WAS LET |
| 208 | THE MATERIAL SPEAK FOR ITSELF, HUH? |
| 209 | EVERYONE'S ALL, UH |
| 210 | "ROSS, YOU HAVE TO BE FUNNY AND SEXY." |
| 211 | WELL, I PROVED THEM WRONG. |
| 212 | AND NOW, |
| 213 | I'M GOING TO PASS THE NEWS ON TO JOEY AND CHANDLER. |
| 214 | THAT YOU'RE NOT FUNNY OR SEXY? |
| 215 | THAT'S RIGHT. |
| 216 | HEY, ESTELLE, LISTEN... |
| 217 | WELL, WELL, WELL. |
| 218 | JOEY TRIBBIANI. |
| 219 | SO YOU CAME BACK, HUH? |
| 220 | THEY THINK THEY CAN DO BETTER |
| 221 | BUT THEY ALL COME CRAWLING BACK TO ESTELLE. |
| 222 | WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? |
| 223 | I NEVER LEFT YOU. |
| 224 | YOU'VE ALWAYS BEEN MY AGENT. |
| 225 | REALLY? |
| 226 | YEAH. |
| 227 | OH, WELL. |
| 228 | NO HARM, NO FOUL. |
| 229 | LOOK, ESTELLE... |
| 230 | YOU GOT TO GET ME SOME WORK. |
| 231 | I LOST MY HEALTH INSURANCE. |
| 232 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 233 | FIRST THING WE GOT TO DO-- DAMAGE CONTROL. WHY? |
| 234 | WELL, I THINK, UH... |
| 235 | SOMEONE OUT THERE... |
| 236 | MAY HAVE BEEN BAD-MOUTHING YOU ALL OVER TOWN. |
| 237 | THAT BASTARD! |
| 238 | HI. |
| 239 | ( in strained voice ): HEY. |
| 240 | SO ESTELLE |
| 241 | LINED UP A BUNCH OF AUDITIONS FOR ME TOMORROW |
| 242 | AND I'LL HAVE MY HEALTH INSURANCE BACK IN NO TIME. |
| 243 | THAT'S GREAT, BUT... |
| 244 | SHOULDN'T YOU BE ON THE TOILET RIGHT NOW? |
| 245 | WHAT? |
| 246 | WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU? |
| 247 | NOTHING. |
| 248 | WELL, I GOT THIS BLINDING PAIN IN MY STOMACH |
| 249 | WHEN I WAS LIFTING WEIGHTS BEFORE |
| 250 | AND THEN I, UH, PASSED OUT |
| 251 | AND, UH, I HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO STAND UP SINCE. |
| 252 | ( weak chuckle ) |
| 253 | BUT, UH, I DON'T THINK IT'S ANYTHING SERIOUS, YOU KNOW? |
| 254 | THIS SOUNDS LIKE A HERNIA. |
| 255 | YOU HAVE TO... YOU GO TO THE DOCTOR. |
| 256 | NO WAY. OKAY, LOOK, IF I'M GOING TO GO TO THE DOCTOR FOR ANYTHING |
| 257 | IT'S GOING TO BE FOR THIS THING STICKING OUT OF MY STOMACH. |
| 258 | ( groaning ) |
| 259 | THAT'S A HERNIA. |
| 260 | WHY'D I HAVE TO START WORKING OUT AGAIN? |
| 261 | DAMN YOU 15s! |
| 262 | WELL, WE'RE A LITTLE EARLY. |
| 263 | THE LECTURE DOESN'T END FOR 15 MINUTES. |
| 264 | YEAH, BUT, YOU KNOW, WE COULD SNEAK IN AND WATCH. |
| 265 | YEAH. OH, HEY, LOOK. |
| 266 | THERE'S SOME KAPPA KAPPA DELTAS. |
| 267 | I WAS A KAPPA. |
| 268 | HEY, SISTERS. |
| 269 | WOW. WE REALLY ARE BITCHES. |
| 270 | ( speaking with confident British accent ) |
| 271 | RIGHT. SO WHEN RIGBY GOT HIS SAMPLES |
| 272 | BACK FROM THE LABORATORY |
| 273 | HE MADE A STARTLING DISCOVERY. |
| 274 | WHAT HE BELIEVED TO BE IGNEOUS WAS, IN FACT, SEDIMENTARY. |
| 275 | IMAGINE HIS CONSTERNATION WHEN... |
| 276 | OH, BLOODY 'ELL. |
| 277 | Monica: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING? |
| 278 | LOOK, I WAS NERVOUS. |
| 279 | YOU GUYS HAD ME ALL WORRIED I WAS GOING TO BE BORING. |
| 280 | I GOT UP THERE AND THEY WERE ALL, LIKE, STARING AT ME. |
| 281 | I OPENED MY MOUTH |
| 282 | AND THIS BRITISH ACCENT JUST CAME OUT. |
| 283 | YEAH, AND NOT A VERY GOOD ONE. |
| 284 | WILL YOU PLEASE...? |
| 285 | DR. GELLER, KURT RATHMAN. |
| 286 | I'M A PROFESSOR IN THE PALEONTOLOGY DEPARTMENT HERE. |
| 287 | DO YOU HAVE A MOMENT TO TALK ABOUT YOUR LECTURE? |
| 288 | ( British accent ): I'M SORRY, I'VE GOT PLANS WITH MY SISTER. |
| 289 | ( Irish accent ): MONICA GELLER-R-R-R.... |
| 290 | RIGHT. WILL YOU EXCUSE US FOR ONE MOMENT? |
| 291 | ( normal ): WHAT ARE YOU DOING? |
| 292 | ( normal): OH, YOU CAN HAVE AN ACCENT, BUT I CAN'T? |
| 293 | ( Irish ): TOP O' THE MORNIN' TO YE, LADDIES! |
| 294 | WILL YOU JUST PLEASE STOP? |
| 295 | ( Indian accent ): YES, YES, BOMBAY IS |
| 296 | VERY, VERY NICE THIS TIME OF YEAR. |
| 297 | ( grunting ) |
| 298 | ( sobbing ) |
| 299 | HEY, WILL YOU GRAB ME A CRULLER? |
| 300 | ( whining ) |
| 301 | SIT DOWN! |
| 302 | WILL YOU GO TO THE HOSPITAL? |
| 303 | DUDE, HERNIA OPERATIONS COST, LIKE... A LOT, PROBABLY, OKAY? |
| 304 | BESIDES, IT'S GETTING DARKER AND MORE PAINFUL. |
| 305 | THAT MEANS IT'S HEALING. |
| 306 | LOOK, I WILL LOAN YOU THE MONEY. |
| 307 | JUST GO TO THE HOSPITAL, AND LET'S JUST GET THAT THING... |
| 308 | PUSHED BACK IN? |
| 309 | THANK YOU, BUT IT WOULD TAKE ME FOREVER |
| 310 | TO PAY YOU THAT MONEY BACK, AND... |
| 311 | I DON'T WANT THAT HANGING OVER MY HEAD, OKAY? |
| 312 | AND BESIDES, AS SOON AS MY INSURANCE KICKS IN |
| 313 | I CAN GET ALL THE FREE OPERATIONS I WANT, OKAY? |
| 314 | I THINK I'LL PROBABLY START WITH THAT LASER EYE SURGERY THING. |
| 315 | HEY... HEY. |
| 316 | ( groaning ) HEY... WHAT'S GOING ON? |
| 317 | WELL, JOEY'S GOT A REALLY BAD HERNIA |
| 318 | BUT IT'S NOTHING THAT A LITTLE LASER EYE SURGERY WON'T FIX, |
| 319 | LOOK, I'M TELLING YOU-- |
| 320 | IF I PUT MY HAND ON MY STOMACH RIGHT HERE |
| 321 | IT DOESN'T HURT THAT BAD. |
| 322 | HEY! MAYBE YOU'LL DIE. |
| 323 | CHANDLER, I'M SCARED. |
| 324 | NO, WE CAN GO TOGETHER! |
| 325 | JUST DON'T WAIT TOO LONG, THOUGH, OKAY? |
| 326 | 'CAUSE I'M OUT OF HERE SOMETIME BEFORE FRIDAY. |
| 327 | YEAH, BUT I DON'T WANT TO DIE. |
| 328 | NO, NO, IT'LL BE FUN. |
| 329 | WE CAN COME BACK AND WE CAN HAUNT THESE GUYS. |
| 330 | GIVE ME THEM! |
| 331 | NO! THEY ARE MINE! |
| 332 | YOU STOLE THEM FROM ME! YOU STOLE THEM FROM ME! |
| 333 | GIVE ME THEM! GIVE ME THEM! |
| 334 | YOU JUST WANT TO EACH TAKE ONE? |
| 335 | YEAH, THAT SEEMS FAIR-- WE NEVER USE THEM. |
| 336 | LOOK, I REALLY NEED SOME HELP, OKAY? |
| 337 | WHY, WHY DID I HAVE TO SPEAK IN A BRITISH ACCENT? |
| 338 | WHAT DO I DO? |
| 339 | WELL... WHY DON'T YOU PHASE IT OUT? |
| 340 | YEAH, PHASE THE ACCENT OUT-- |
| 341 | PEOPLE WILL THINK THAT, YOU'RE, YOU KNOW |
| 342 | JUST ADJUSTING TO LIFE IN AMERICA. |
| 343 | Rachel: YEAH, COME ON, ROSS-- |
| 344 | NO ONE'LL EVEN NOTICE. |
| 345 | I MEAN, THEY'RE PROBABLY NOT EVEN LISTENING TO YOU. |
| 346 | THEY'RE NOT LISTENING TO ME? |
| 347 | OF COURSE THEY'RE LISTENING TO YOU. |
| 348 | EVERYBODY LISTENS TO YOU. |
| 349 | MONICA, UH, YOU REALLY THINK I SHOULD TRY |
| 350 | THIS "PHASING OUT" THING? |
| 351 | I THINK YOU LOOK FINE. |
| 352 | WHENEVER YOU'RE READY. |
| 353 | OKAY. |
| 354 | ( groaning ) |
| 355 | HEY, TIMMY... |
| 356 | I'VE GOT A... |
| 357 | SURPRISE... FOR YOU. |
| 358 | HOLD IT, I'M SORRY. |
| 359 | THE SURPRISE IS A NEW SWING SET. |
| 360 | IF YOU COULD PLAY IT A LITTLE LESS INTENSE? |
| 361 | YEAH, SURE. NO PROBLEM. |
| 362 | UH, JUST HOLD ON ONE SECOND. |
| 363 | ( groaning ) |
| 364 | HEY, TIMMY... |
| 365 | I'VE GOT A SURPRISE FOR YOU. |
| 366 | OH, MY GOD! |
| 367 | ...SO THAT'S WHY I FEED MY DOG PURINA ONE. |
| 368 | PICK UP A BAG TODAY. |
| 369 | THAT'S WHERE YOU PICK UP THE BAG. |
| 370 | EXACTLY. |
| 371 | NO, THE LINE IS "PICK UP A BAG," SO YOU NEED TO PICK UP THE BAG. |
| 372 | OR... |
| 373 | I COULD JUST POINT TO IT, HUH? |
| 374 | "BLAH-BLAH-BLAH, PURINA ONE. |
| 375 | POINT TO A BAG TODAY." |
| 376 | I DIDN'T GET IT, DID I? |
| 377 | NO. YEAH, OKAY. |
| 378 | HI. I'M, UH, JOEY TRIBBIANI. |
| 379 | I'M HERE TO AUDITION FOR "MAN." |
| 380 | ( groaning ) |
| 381 | YOU MEAN "DYING MAN"? |
| 382 | YES! |
| 383 | OKAY, COME ON-- DO IT ONE MORE TIME. REALLY? REALLY? |
| 384 | YES! OKAY. |
| 385 | ( Scottish accent ): HELLO, ROSS? THIS IS DR. McNEELY |
| 386 | FROM THE FAKE ACCENT UNIVERSITY. |
| 387 | WE'D LIKE YOU TO COME ONBOARD WITH US FULL-TIME. |
| 388 | ( squealing ) |
| 389 | HEY! |
| 390 | HEY! |
| 391 | LISTEN TO THIS-- |
| 392 | MY READING WAS WRONG; I'M NOT GOING TO DIE. |
| 393 | REALLY? HOW DO YOU KNOW? |
| 394 | BECAUSE MY PSYCHIC IS DEAD. |
| 395 | SHE MUST HAVE READ THE CARDS WRONG. |
| 396 | OH... WELL, I'M SORRY. |
| 397 | EH, BETTER HER THAN ME. |
| 398 | HEY, LET'S BAKE COOKIES! |
| 399 | LISTEN, I'M REALLY GLAD YOU GOT THE PART. |
| 400 | ( groaning ) |
| 401 | BUT ARE YOU SURE YOU CAN DO THIS? |
| 402 | YEAH! AND, HEY, MAN, THANKS FOR COMING WITH ME. |
| 403 | AND THANKS AGAIN FOR HELPING ME TAKE A SHOWER. |
| 404 | NOW, IS THAT "NEVER TALKING ABOUT IT AGAIN"? |
| 405 | HIYA. |
| 406 | HEY, JOEY, WE'RE READY FOR YOU. |
| 407 | UH, JOEY, THIS IS ALEX. |
| 408 | HE'S GOING TO BE PLAYING YOUR SON. |
| 409 | HI, ALEX. |
| 410 | AND, UH, AS YOU CAN SEE, MY HANDS-- NOT IN MY PANTS. |
| 411 | OKAY... |
| 412 | ALL RIGHT, UH, ALEX, NOW, WHEN JOEY SAYS HIS LINE |
| 413 | "TAKE GOOD CARE OF YOUR MAMA, SON"-- |
| 414 | THAT'S YOUR CUE TO CRY. |
| 415 | GOT IT? |
| 416 | ALL RIGHT, LET'S DO THIS. |
| 417 | SCENE FIVE, TAKE ONE. |
| 418 | AND... ACTION! |
| 419 | TAKE GOOD CARE OF YOUR MAMA, SON. |
| 420 | TAKE GOOD CARE OF YOUR MAMA, SON. |
| 421 | COME ON, SON... |
| 422 | YOUR MAMA'S GOOD PEOPLE. |
| 423 | CUT! |
| 424 | ALEX, REMEMBER... |
| 425 | YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO CRY. |
| 426 | CAN YOU CRY FOR US THIS TIME? |
| 427 | OKAY. |
| 428 | ALL RIGHT, FROM THE TOP. |
| 429 | SCENE FIVE, TAKE TWO. |
| 430 | TAKE 36 IS UP. |
| 431 | Director: ALL RIGHT, LET'S TRY THIS AGAIN. |
| 432 | ARE YOU READY, JOE? |
| 433 | UH, ONE THING-- |
| 434 | IS IT ALL RIGHT WITH YOU IF I... IF I SCREAM |
| 435 | RIGHT UP UNTIL YOU SAY "ACTION"? |
| 436 | UH, SURE. |
| 437 | ( screaming ) |
| 438 | ACTION! |
| 439 | TAKE GOOD CARE OF YOUR MAMA, SON. |
| 440 | CUT! ( screaming ) |
| 441 | I'M SORRY. |
| 442 | HEY, HEY, JOE, WHY DON'T YOU LIFT UP YOUR SHIRT? |
| 443 | TAKE A LOOK AT THIS, KIDDO. |
| 444 | ( crying ) |
| 445 | WE HAVE HIM CRYING, JOHN! |
| 446 | ROLL THE DAMN CAMERAS! |
| 447 | ( phone rings ) |
| 448 | ( ringing ) |
| 449 | HELLO? |
| 450 | HELLO, IS ROSS THERE? |
| 451 | UH, NO, HE'S NOT. |
| 452 | CAN I TAKE A MESSAGE? |
| 453 | Yes. This is Russell, Ross's divorce lawyer. |
| 454 | JUST TELL HIM THAT SINCE I HAVEN'T HEARD FROM HIM |
| 455 | I ASSUME HE'S DECIDED TO GIVE THE MARRIAGE A TRY. |
| 456 | ROSS GOT MARRIED AGAIN? |
| 457 | ( gasping ) |
| 458 | NO! |
| 459 | ALL RIGHT, KEEP GOING. |
| 460 | WE ARE PHASING THE ACCENT OUT-- PHASING IT OUT. |
| 461 | ( unaccented ): SO WITHOUT RETESTING THE RESULTS IN THE LA-BOR-ATORY |
| 462 | ( light accent ): THE TEAM WOULD NEVER HAVE I-DENTI-FIED... |
| 463 | ( unaccented ): THE INITIAL ERRORS IN THEIR... |
| 464 | ( accent ): CARBON-DATING ANAL-YSIS. |
| 465 | ( unaccented ): WERE THERE ANY QUESTIONS AT THIS POINT? |
| 466 | YES? |
| 467 | WHAT'S HAPPENING TO YOUR ACCENT? |
| 468 | ( accent ): COME AGAIN. |
| 469 | WHAT'S-WHAT'S THIS NONSENSE? |
| 470 | ( nervous tittering ) |
| 471 | ( unaccented ): ALL RIGHT, I'M-I'M NOT ENGLISH. |
| 472 | I'M FROM LONG ISLAND. |
| 473 | I WAS REALLY NERVOUS, AND THE ACCENT JUST, UH... |
| 474 | JUST CAME OUT. |
| 475 | ( accent ): I'M SORRY. |
| 476 | ( unaccented ): SO, IF WE COULD JUST GET BACK TO THE LECTURE. |
| 477 | UM... WERE THERE ANY QUESTIONS? |
| 478 | ABOUT PALEONTOLOGY? |
| 479 | ALL RIGHT, LOOK, I WAS JUST TRYING |
| 480 | TO MAKE A GOOD FIRST IMPRESSION. |
| 481 | OBVIOUSLY, I SCREWED UP. |
| 482 | BUT WHAT YOU GUYS THINK OF ME IS REALLY IMPORTANT |
| 483 | BECAUSE I'M-I'M HOPING TO GET A PERMANENT JOB HERE. |
| 484 | SO IF YOU JUST GIVE ME ANOTHER CHANCE |
| 485 | TO MAKE A GOOD IMPRESSION... |
| 486 | ROSS! ARE YOU CRAZY?! |
| 487 | I AM STILL YOUR WIFE?! |
| 488 | WHAT, WERE YOU JUST NEVER GOING TO TELL ME?! |
| 489 | WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!! |
| 490 | OH! I COULD JUST KILL YOU! |
| 491 | ( heavy accent ): WELL, 'ELLO, RACHEL! |
| 492 | SO, YOU'VE REALLY DONE THIS BEFORE? |
| 493 | YEAH, YEAH, YEAH. |
| 494 | YOU JUST TAKE A BIG, BIG SWING, OKAY? |
| 495 | NOW, DON'T HOLD BACK. OKAY. |
| 496 | HEY! |
| 497 | HEY! |
| 498 | WHAT ARE YOU DOING? |
| 499 | WE'RE JUST CELEBRATING |
| 500 | THAT JOEY GOT HIS HEALTH INSURANCE BACK. |
| 501 | OH, ALL RIGHT. |
| 502 | |
| 1 | I CANNOT BELIEVE THAT YOU DIDN'T TELL ME |
| 2 | WE ARE STILL MARRIED. |
| 3 | LOOK, I WAS GOING TO TELL YOU. |
| 4 | WHEN? AFTER THE BIRTH OF OUR FIRST SECRET CHILD? |
| 5 | ROSS DIDN'T |
| 6 | GET THE ANNULMENT. |
| 7 | WE ARE STILL MARRIED. |
| 8 | WHAT? |
| 9 | OH, MY GOD! |
| 10 | ROSS? |
| 11 | OKAY, MAYBE IT WASN'T MY BEST DECISION |
| 12 | BUT I JUST COULDN'T FACE ANOTHER FAILED MARRIAGE. |
| 13 | LET ME JUST JUMP IN AND ASK. |
| 14 | AT WHAT POINT DID YOU THINK |
| 15 | THIS WAS A SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE? |
| 16 | RACH, COME ON. |
| 17 | IF YOU THINK ABOUT IT, IT'S ACTUALLY KIND OF FUNNY. |
| 18 | MAYBE IT'S BEST NOT TO THINK ABOUT IT. |
| 19 | THIS IS INEXCUSABLE. |
| 20 | I AM SHOCKED TO MY VERY CORE. |
| 21 | PHOEBE, I TOLD HER YOU ALREADY KNEW. |
| 22 | ANOTHER LIE. |
| 23 | YOU HAVE A SICKNESS. |
| 24 | ROSS, JUST FOR MY OWN PEACE OF MIND |
| 25 | YOU'RE NOT MARRIED |
| 26 | TO ANY MORE OF US, ARE YOU? |
| 27 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 28 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 29 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 30 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 31 | ♪ WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY, YOUR WEEK ♪ |
| 32 | ♪ YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 33 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 34 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME, TOO. ♪ |
| 35 | YO, HEY, SOMEONE LEFT THEIR KEYS. |
| 36 | OOH! TO A PORSCHE, HUH? |
| 37 | HEY, GUNTHER, THESE YOURS? |
| 38 | YEAH, THAT'S WHAT I DRIVE. |
| 39 | I MAKE FOUR BUCKS AN HOUR. |
| 40 | I SAVED UP FOR 350 YEARS. |
| 41 | AW... |
| 42 | HEY, DID ANYBODY LOSE THEIR KEYS? |
| 43 | JOEY, WHY DON'T YOU PUT THEM |
| 44 | IN THE LOST AND FOUND? |
| 45 | THERE'S A LOST AND FOUND? |
| 46 | MY SHOE! |
| 47 | YOU LEFT A SHOE HERE? |
| 48 | WELL, I DIDN'T REALIZE TILL I GOT HOME. |
| 49 | I WASN'T GOING TO WALK ALL THE WAY |
| 50 | BACK DOWN HERE WITH ONE SHOE. |
| 51 | I'M GOING TO GO FIND THAT GUY'S CAR |
| 52 | AND LEAVE A NOTE ON THE WINDSHIELD. |
| 53 | WHEN HE COMES BACK FOR HIS KEYS |
| 54 | I'LL BE SURE TO GIVE HIM YOUR SHOE. |
| 55 | GREAT. THANKS. |
| 56 | OH, GOOD, GOOD. |
| 57 | YOU GUYS ARE HERE. |
| 58 | LISTEN. |
| 59 | HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO SPEND TOMORROW |
| 60 | TAKING CARE OF THREE INCREDIBLY CUTE LITTLE PUPPIES? |
| 61 | MY GOD! WHAT A FUN DAY. |
| 62 | THAT SOUNDS GREAT. |
| 63 | YEAH, ALL RIGHT. |
| 64 | OKAY. WELL, I'LL BRING THEM BY TOMORROW MORNING. |
| 65 | OKAY, AND, UM... BY THE WAY, THEIR NOT ACTUALLY PUPPIES. |
| 66 | THEY'RE FRANK AND ALICE'S TRIPLETS. |
| 67 | OKAY, SEE YA. |
| 68 | WHOA, WHOA, WHOA! WHAT? |
| 69 | PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, OH, PLEASE. |
| 70 | FRANK AND ALICE ASKED ME |
| 71 | TO BABY-SIT THE TRIPLETS, AND I'M NERVOUS. |
| 72 | I'VE NEVER DONE THAT BEFORE BY MYSELF. |
| 73 | DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT, PHEEB. |
| 74 | WE'LL ABSOLUTELY DO IT. |
| 75 | YEAH, I'M GOING TO PASS |
| 76 | 'CAUSE I WAS KIND OF IFFY WHEN IT WAS PUPPIES. |
| 77 | COME ON, CHANDLER, COME ON. |
| 78 | IT WILL GIVE US GREAT PRACTICE |
| 79 | FOR WHEN PEOPLE WITH BABIES COME TO VISIT. |
| 80 | NICE CAR. |
| 81 | YEAH. IT'S, UH... IT'S NOT MINE. |
| 82 | I LOVE YOUR CAR. |
| 83 | YEAH. IT'S... MINE. |
| 84 | I'LL BET IT'S FAST. |
| 85 | ME, TOO. YEAH. |
| 86 | AND COMFORTABLE. |
| 87 | DO YOU, UH... DO YOU LIKE LEATHER SEATS? |
| 88 | YEAH. |
| 89 | IT'S GOT 'EM. |
| 90 | SO, I STILL HAVE BOXES HERE |
| 91 | I STILL HAVE BOXES AT ROSS' |
| 92 | AND I HAVE NOWHERE TO LIVE. |
| 93 | WOW, I CAN SO EASILY FREAK OUT RIGHT NOW. |
| 94 | OKAY, WHAT ABOUT ME? |
| 95 | I JUST FOUND OUT DENISE IS LEAVING TOWN FOR A WHILE. |
| 96 | I DON'T HAVE A ROOMMATE. |
| 97 | WELL, MAYBE... |
| 98 | MAYBE I CAN BE YOUR ROOMMATE, PHEEBS. |
| 99 | MAYBE YOU COULD BE MY ROOMMATE. |
| 100 | WELL, THERE'S AN IDEA. |
| 101 | YEAH! |
| 102 | THAT WOULD BE GREAT! |
| 103 | WAIT. HOW LONG IS DENISE GONE FOR? |
| 104 | UM... SHE SAID SHE'D BE BACK DECEMBER 26. |
| 105 | OH, DECEMBER 26. |
| 106 | HA! MAYBE SHE'S SANTA CLAUS. |
| 107 | OH, LOOK WHO IT IS. |
| 108 | MY HUSBAND. |
| 109 | THE APPLE OF MY EYE. |
| 110 | OKAY, I GOT US A COURT DATE |
| 111 | FOR TOMORROW AT 2:00 |
| 112 | AND I PICKED UP ALL THE FORMS. |
| 113 | I'LL TAKE CARE OF EVERYTHING. |
| 114 | WELL, SURE. |
| 115 | IF YOU SAY YOU'RE GOING TO TAKE CARE OF EVERYTHING |
| 116 | I HAVE NO REASON TO DOUBT YOU. |
| 117 | GIVE ME THOSE FORMS. |
| 118 | ALL RIGHT, NOW, I'M GOING TO DO THIS MY WAY |
| 119 | AND I DON'T WANT TO HEAR A PEEP OUT OF YOU. |
| 120 | OKAY, RACH, BUT... |
| 121 | AH! YOU'RE PEEPING. |
| 122 | ( mumbling ) |
| 123 | ROSS, YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 124 | I JUST GOT... |
| 125 | WHY? WHY DID YOU DO THIS? |
| 126 | LOOK, I TOLD YOU I... |
| 127 | I DON'T WANT TO HEAR THREE FAILED MARRIAGES. |
| 128 | LOOK, IF YOU'D HAD TWO FAILED MARRIAGES |
| 129 | YOU'D UNDERSTAND. |
| 130 | WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 131 | THANKS TO YOU |
| 132 | I'M HALFWAY THERE. |
| 133 | OH! OH, I AM SO MAD, ROSS. |
| 134 | I DON'T THINK I'VE EVER BEEN THIS ANGRY. |
| 135 | WHAT ABOUT THE TIME I SAID WE WERE ON A BREAK? |
| 136 | OH! |
| 137 | PHEEB, HOW'S IT GOING? |
| 138 | I'M DOING OKAY. |
| 139 | IT'S GOING WELL. |
| 140 | YOU THINK THEY'RE HAVING FUN? |
| 141 | AM I TALKING TOO FAST? |
| 142 | NO. SOUND LIKE ME. |
| 143 | PHEEBS, IT'S GOING GREAT. |
| 144 | LOOK AT CHANDLER WITH LITTLE BABY GIRL CHANDLER. |
| 145 | LITTLE BABY GIRL CHANDLER? |
| 146 | WHERE HAVE I HEARD THAT BEFORE? |
| 147 | OH, RIGHT-- COACH RUBIN. |
| 148 | OOH! |
| 149 | YOU KNOW WHAT, PHEEBS? |
| 150 | WHEN YOU'RE DONE OVER THERE |
| 151 | WE'VE GOT A KIND OF SITUATION OVER HERE, TOO. |
| 152 | UH-UH. NO. |
| 153 | WE ARE ALL RESPONSIBLE FOR OUR OWN BABIES. |
| 154 | SEE, THAT'S WHERE I THINK THAT YOU'RE WRONG. |
| 155 | WE'VE BEEN PLAYING THESE BABIES MAN-TO-MAN. |
| 156 | WE SHOULD REALLY BE PLAYING A ZONE DEFENSE. |
| 157 | WHAT DO YOU MEAN? |
| 158 | I JUST THINK |
| 159 | THINGS WILL GO A LOT SMOOTHER |
| 160 | IF WE EACH HAVE OUR OWN ZONE. |
| 161 | PHOEBE, YOU CAN BE IN CHARGE OF WIPING. |
| 162 | AND, YOU KNOW, MON |
| 163 | YOU CAN BE IN CHARGE OF DIAPERING. |
| 164 | AND I CAN BE IN CHARGE OF LOOKING HOW CUTE THEY ARE |
| 165 | WHEN THEY PUT THEIR HANDS AROUND... |
| 166 | THAT SOUNDS REALLY GREAT. |
| 167 | MAYBE YOU SHOULD BE IN CHARGE OF WIPING. |
| 168 | OKAY, I'M A ROOKIE. |
| 169 | I SHOULD NOT BE IN THE END ZONE. |
| 170 | Monica: THIS IS SO GREAT. |
| 171 | THIS IS EXACTLY HOW WE SET THE PLATES AT THE RESTAURANT. |
| 172 | OH, YEAH? |
| 173 | WELL, THIS IS NOT WHAT I ORDERED. |
| 174 | HEY, GUYS. HI. HEY. |
| 175 | HEY, BABIES. |
| 176 | OH, I'M HAVING |
| 177 | THE BEST MORNING. |
| 178 | THAT PORSCHE I'VE GOT THE KEYS TO-- |
| 179 | IT'S STILL THERE. |
| 180 | SHOCKING, SINCE YOU STILL HAVE THE KEYS. |
| 181 | YOU SHOULD SEE THE TREATMENT I GET WHEN I'M WITH THAT CAR. |
| 182 | PEOPLE ARE FRIENDLY, THEY WANT TO TALK |
| 183 | AND NOT JUST ABOUT THE CAR. |
| 184 | ONE GUY GAVE ME ADVICE ABOUT MY EQUITY INVESTMENTS. |
| 185 | WHAT EQUITY INVESTMENTS? |
| 186 | THE ONES THAT GOT ME THE PORSCHE. |
| 187 | WILL YOU KEEP UP? |
| 188 | BUT I FIGURED IF PEOPLE KEEP SEEING ME JUST STANDING THERE |
| 189 | THEY'RE GOING TO START TO THINK I DON'T OWN IT |
| 190 | SO, I FIGURED I'LL WASH IT, RIGHT? |
| 191 | MONICA, YOU GOT A BUCKET AND SOME SOAP I CAN BORROW? |
| 192 | OH, YEAH. |
| 193 | I GOT SOAP AND SPONGES AND RAGS |
| 194 | AND CARNUBA WAX AND POLISHING COMPOUND. |
| 195 | YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE A CAR. |
| 196 | I KNOW, BUT ONE TIME THERE WAS THIS REALLY DIRTY CAR |
| 197 | PARKED IN FRONT OF THE BUILDING, SO I WASHED IT. |
| 198 | AND? |
| 199 | AND SIX OTHERS. |
| 200 | THERE YOU ARE. |
| 201 | YEAH, SHE TOPS OUT AT 130. |
| 202 | WOW. |
| 203 | AND THAT'S JUST |
| 204 | IN THE CITY. |
| 205 | I GET HER UP TO 160 WHEN I TAKE HER UPSTATE. |
| 206 | REALLY? |
| 207 | YOU GOT A PLACE UPSTATE? |
| 208 | SURE. |
| 209 | WELL, I'LL SEE YOU LATER. |
| 210 | OKAY. TAKE IT EASY. |
| 211 | HEY, THAT'S MY CAR. |
| 212 | REALLY? OH. UH... |
| 213 | JUST GIVE ME FIVE MORE MINUTES, WILL YOU? |
| 214 | WHAT... WHAT ARE YOU DOING? |
| 215 | OH, I... I FOUND THE KEYS |
| 216 | AND NOW I'M JUST POLISHING HER UP. |
| 217 | BUT IT'S MY CAR. |
| 218 | YEAH, BUT IT'S MY WAX. |
| 219 | LISTEN, I DON'T COME TO THE CITY MUCH |
| 220 | AND I DON'T KNOW IF YOU'RE CRAZY |
| 221 | OR IF THIS IS SOME KIND OF STREET THEATER... |
| 222 | BUT COULD |
| 223 | I HAVE MY KEYS? |
| 224 | SURE. HERE. |
| 225 | I'LL SAVE YOU A PARKING SPOT. |
| 226 | I'M NOT COMING BACK. |
| 227 | WHY NOT? |
| 228 | I LIVE UPSTATE. |
| 229 | YEAH, SO DID I. |
| 230 | I DON'T KNOW WHY I WAS SO NERVOUS ABOUT THIS. |
| 231 | AND I DON'T KNOW WHY FRANK AND ALICE ARE ALWAYS COMPLAINING. |
| 232 | THIS IS SO EASY. |
| 233 | YEAH, TWO HOURS, A LIFETIME-- THAT'S THE SAME. |
| 234 | CHECK IT OUT. CHECK IT OUT. |
| 235 | WHEN THE BABIES WAKE UP, THEY CAN MEET KROG. |
| 236 | CHANDLER, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? |
| 237 | THAT THING COULD PUT SOMEONE'S EYE OUT. |
| 238 | HE CAN DO MORE THAN THAT. |
| 239 | HE CAN DESTROY THE UNIVERSE. |
| 240 | NO. CHANDLER, THEY COULD SWALLOW ONE OF THOSE LITTLE PARTS. |
| 241 | AND ALSO, LOOK AT HIS SMOOTH AREA-- |
| 242 | THAT'S JUST GOING TO MESS THEM UP. |
| 243 | LOOK, THEY'RE NOT GOING TO SWALLOW ANYTHING. |
| 244 | YOU GUYS ARE BEING WAY TOO OVERPROTECTIVE. |
| 245 | WHEN I WAS A KID, MY MOM USED TO JUST THROW ME |
| 246 | INTO A PILE OF BROKEN GLASS. |
| 247 | WHAT? |
| 248 | GLASS, SAND, WHATEVER. |
| 249 | OH, LOOK AT LITTLE LESLIE STRETCHING IN HER SLEEP. |
| 250 | OH, IT'S SO CUTE. |
| 251 | I WONDER WHAT AGE IT IS THAT YOU STOP BEING ABLE |
| 252 | TO PUT BOTH LEGS BEHIND YOUR HEAD? |
| 253 | OH, I CAN STILL DO THAT. |
| 254 | HOW ARE YOU STILL SINGLE? |
| 255 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 256 | I'VE THOUGHT ABOUT IT AND MAYBE YOU'RE RIGHT. |
| 257 | MAYBE KROG IS NOT A SAFE TOY. |
| 258 | GOOD. WHAT CHANGED YOUR MIND? |
| 259 | I SWALLOWED HIS SONIC BLASTER GUN. |
| 260 | Phoebe: WHAT? |
| 261 | HOW DID THAT HAPPEN? |
| 262 | WELL, I WAS TRYING TO PROVE THAT I WAS RIGHT. |
| 263 | YOU KNOW, AND |
| 264 | IT TURNS OUT I WAS WRONG |
| 265 | AND... NOW IT'S LODGED IN MY THROAT. |
| 266 | DAMN IT. YOU KNOW, THIS WHOLE TIME |
| 267 | WE WERE CONCENTRATING ON THE BABIES |
| 268 | AND NO ONE WAS WATCHING CHANDLER. |
| 269 | ( gagging ) |
| 270 | OKAY, YOU TWO ARE ASKING THE COURT FOR AN ANNULMENT? |
| 271 | YES, YOUR HONOR |
| 272 | AND HERE ARE OUR FORMS, ALL FILLED OUT. |
| 273 | SO, BASED ON YOUR PETITION |
| 274 | YOU ARE SEEKING AN ANNULMENT ON THE GROUNDS |
| 275 | THAT MR. GELLER IS MENTALLY UNSTABLE? |
| 276 | FINE. I'M MENTALLY UNSTABLE. |
| 277 | AND BASED ON THE FACT THAT MR. GELLER |
| 278 | IS AN INTRAVENOUS DRUG USER? |
| 279 | WHAT? |
| 280 | UH, YES, HEROIN AND CRACK. |
| 281 | CRACK ISN'T EVEN AN INTRAVENOUS DRUG. |
| 282 | WELL, YOU WOULD KNOW. |
| 283 | NOW, IT ALSO SAYS HERE THAT YOU, UM |
| 284 | LIED ABOUT YOUR SEXUAL PREFERENCE BEFORE MARRIAGE. |
| 285 | OH, COME ON. |
| 286 | ROSS, PLEASE. I FOUND THE MAGAZINES. |
| 287 | AND FINALLY, THAT YOU WERE UNABLE |
| 288 | TO CONSUMMATE THE MARRIAGE. |
| 289 | WELL, THAT MAKES SENSE |
| 290 | SINCE YOU'RE GAY AND ADDICTED TO HEROIN. |
| 291 | OKAY, YOU KNOW, I'M SORRY... |
| 292 | THIS IS INSANE. |
| 293 | I'M NOT ADDICTED TO HEROIN. |
| 294 | I'M NOT GAY AND THERE IS NO PROBLEM |
| 295 | WITH MY ABILITY TO CONSUMMATE ANYTHING. |
| 296 | LOOK, I'LL CONSUMMATE THIS MARRIAGE RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW. |
| 297 | THAT WON'T BE NECESSARY. |
| 298 | AND WHEN WE WERE DATING, WE CONSUMMATED LIKE BUNNIES. |
| 299 | AH! |
| 300 | NOW, IF YOU TWO WERE INVOLVED IN A SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP |
| 301 | THAT REALLY CREATES A PROBLEM. |
| 302 | YOUR HONOR, REST ASSURED |
| 303 | THAT RELATIONSHIP ENDED TWO YEARS AGO |
| 304 | AND CAN YOU PLEASE STRIKE "CONSUMMATED LIKE BUNNIES" |
| 305 | FROM THE RECORD? |
| 306 | IS THERE ANYTHING IN THIS RECORD |
| 307 | THAT IS ACTUALLY TRUE? |
| 308 | WELL, YES, WE GOT MARRIED IN VEGAS |
| 309 | AND, UH... THE NAMES, I THINK. |
| 310 | WELL, BASED ON WHAT I'VE HEARD |
| 311 | YOU TWO CERTAINLY DON'T QUALIFY FOR AN ANNULMENT. |
| 312 | IF YOU DON'T WANT TO BE TOGETHER |
| 313 | YOU'LL HAVE TO FILE FOR DIVORCE. |
| 314 | THAT'S GREAT. YOU HAPPY NOW? |
| 315 | LOOK WHAT YOU DID WITH YOUR FUNNY, FUNNY FORM. |
| 316 | WHAT? ME? |
| 317 | WHAT ABOUT YOU |
| 318 | AND YOUR "CONSUMMATED LIKE BUNNIES" NONSENSE? |
| 319 | IT WAS... |
| 320 | WHAT ARE YOU TYPING THAT FOR? |
| 321 | SHE ALREADY SAID WE DON'T GET THE ANNULMENT. |
| 322 | DON'T TYPE THAT. |
| 323 | STOP TYPING. |
| 324 | HEY. STOP TYPING. |
| 325 | STOP TYPING! STOP TYPING! |
| 326 | OKAY. OKAY. DO YOU SEE? |
| 327 | DO YOU SEE WHAT YOU'RE KEEPING ME MARRIED TO? |
| 328 | YOU NEED TO GET OUT OF MY CHAMBERS. |
| 329 | ALL RIGHT, LOOK, LADY, HERE IS THE DEAL: |
| 330 | I CAME HERE FOR AN ANNULMENT |
| 331 | AND I AM NOT LEAVING HERE UNTIL I GET ONE. |
| 332 | WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT IN JAIL? |
| 333 | OKAY, THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME. |
| 334 | ( hoarse screech ) |
| 335 | ( gargles ) |
| 336 | ( hoarse screech ) |
| 337 | SO THAT PORSCHE GUY TOOK HIS CAR BACK. |
| 338 | BUT YOU FOUND THE KEYS TO HIS CLOTHES? |
| 339 | NO. I JUST, UH... |
| 340 | I JUST LOVE THE WAY IT FEELS |
| 341 | WHEN EVERYBODY THINKS I OWN A PORSCHE. |
| 342 | AND PEOPLE WILL THINK YOU OWN A PORSCHE |
| 343 | BECAUSE YOU'RE WEARING THE CLOTHES? |
| 344 | OF COURSE. |
| 345 | ONLY AN IDIOT WOULD WEAR THIS STUFF |
| 346 | IF HE DIDN'T HAVE THE CAR. |
| 347 | THAT IS TRUE. |
| 348 | YEAH, BUT ONLY A GENIUS WOULD SWALLOW A SONIC BLASTER GUN. |
| 349 | OH, I'VE BEEN THERE. |
| 350 | WELL, I AM GOING TO GO DRIVE MY PORSCHE. |
| 351 | JOEY, YOU KNOW YOU DON'T ACTUALLY HAVE ONE. |
| 352 | COME ON. WHAT ARE YOU DOING? |
| 353 | I'M IN CHARACTER. |
| 354 | WILL YOU TALK TO HER? |
| 355 | AH, I THINK IT JUST MOVED. |
| 356 | IT'S REALLY POKING ME. |
| 357 | ALL RIGHT, THAT'S IT. |
| 358 | WE'RE GOING TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM. |
| 359 | WHAT? NO, YOU CAN'T LEAVE ME HERE WITH THEM. |
| 360 | WE'RE BABY-SITTING. |
| 361 | THE BABIES ARE ASLEEP. |
| 362 | I'M SURE YOU'LL BE OKAY FOR A WHILE. |
| 363 | BUT YOU CAN'T LEAVE ME WITH THEM. |
| 364 | WE'RE A TEAM. WE'RE PLAYING A ZONE. |
| 365 | THEY'RE GOING TO TRIPLE-TEAM ME. |
| 366 | HE'S GOT SOMETHING PLASTIC LODGED INTO HIS THROAT. |
| 367 | WE'VE GOT TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL. |
| 368 | BUT, NO, BECAUSE A DOCTOR WON'T BE ABLE TO HELP HIM. |
| 369 | IT'S JUST GOING TO, YOU KNOW |
| 370 | NATURALLY PASS THROUGH HIS SYSTEM IN, LIKE, SEVEN YEARS. |
| 371 | I THINK THAT'S GUM. |
| 372 | I'M PRETTY SURE IT'S GUN. |
| 373 | OKAY, LISTEN, THIS REALLY HURTS. LET'S GO. |
| 374 | BUT NO, A REAL MAN WOULDN'T JUST RUN TO THE HOSPITAL. |
| 375 | NO... WHAT WOULD KROG DO? |
| 376 | OH, WHY ISN'T THAT VALET BACK WITH MY PORSCHE? |
| 377 | MAYBE BECAUSE YOU'VE GOT THE KEYS. |
| 378 | PORSCHE. |
| 379 | THAT WAS TOTALLY YOUR FAULT. |
| 380 | MY FAULT? |
| 381 | YOU THREATENED THE JUDGE. |
| 382 | WELL, YOU RIPPED THE PAPER |
| 383 | OUT OF THE COURT REPORTER'S MACHINE. |
| 384 | THAT WAS THE ONLY WAY I COULD GET HIM TO STOP TYPING! |
| 385 | OH. |
| 386 | HI. HOW ARE THE GELLERS? |
| 387 | DON'T CALL US THAT. |
| 388 | THE JUDGE WOULDN'T LET US GET AN ANNULMENT. |
| 389 | NOW WE GOT TO GET A DIVORCE! |
| 390 | DID A PORSCHE THROW UP ON YOU? |
| 391 | HEY, THAT'S PORSCH-AH! |
| 392 | LOOK AT ME TAKING CARE OF YOU WITH NO PROBLEM, HUH? |
| 393 | YOU GUYS FEEL SAFE, RIGHT? |
| 394 | OKAY, I'M GOING TO TAKE THAT SPIT-BUBBLE AS A "YEAH, I DO." |
| 395 | OKAY, LET'S GET RID OF THIS DIRTY DIAPER, LESLIE. |
| 396 | I'LL SET YOU UP WITH A NICE CLEAN ONE. |
| 397 | OKAY, I'M SORRY. |
| 398 | I DIDN'T MEAN TO SCARE YOU. |
| 399 | I JUST HAVE TO CLEAN THAT UP, OKAY? |
| 400 | 'CAUSE, LET'S FACE IT, WE'RE AT MONICA'S. |
| 401 | OKAY. I BROKE IT. |
| 402 | ALL RIGHT, WELL, THAT'S JUST THE WAY THINGS GO. |
| 403 | OKAY. GOOD. |
| 404 | WHY ARE THERE ONLY TWO OF YOU? |
| 405 | WHERE'S LESLIE? |
| 406 | WELL, YOU CAN'T ANSWER. |
| 407 | LESLIE, WHERE ARE YOU, LESLIE? |
| 408 | LESLIE, NOW WOULD BE A GOOD TIME FOR YOUR FIRST WORDS. |
| 409 | ( murmurs ) |
| 410 | WELL, LOOK AT YOU. |
| 411 | HEY... |
| 412 | YOU ARE A LITTLE BIT MISCHIEVOUS. |
| 413 | MY GOSH. |
| 414 | OH, YOU'RE A LOT MISCHIEVOUS. |
| 415 | WELL, IT'LL DRY. |
| 416 | ALL RIGHT, LET'S GO PLAY. |
| 417 | YOU SIT WITH YOUR BROTHER AND SISTER NOW |
| 418 | WHO AREN'T THERE. |
| 419 | HI. |
| 420 | HOW DO YOU FEEL? |
| 421 | WELL, I SHOULD SAY THAT KROG |
| 422 | WILL BE FULLY EQUIPPED |
| 423 | TO DESTROY THE UNIVERSE AGAIN IN 12 TO 14 HOURS. |
| 424 | OKAY. |
| 425 | SO, I TOTALLY TOOK CARE OF THE BABIES ALL BY MYSELF. |
| 426 | I FED THEM, BATHED THEM AND PUT THEM TO BED. |
| 427 | AND PROTECTED THEM FROM A TORNADO? |
| 428 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 429 | I KNOW. THE BABIES ARE ASLEEP. |
| 430 | PHOEBE, WHAT HAPPENED HERE? |
| 431 | I DID IT. |
| 432 | I TOOK CARE OF THE BABIES ALL BY MYSELF. |
| 433 | B-B-BUT MY APARTMENT? |
| 434 | WAS THE SETTING |
| 435 | OF PHOEBE'S TRIUMPH. |
| 436 | BUT THE MESS... |
| 437 | IS NOT AS IMPORTANT AS THE FACT |
| 438 | THAT PHOEBE TOOK CARE OF THE BABIES ALL BY HERSELF. |
| 439 | YOU'RE RIGHT. |
| 440 | YOU'RE RIGHT, I SHOULDN'T FREAK OUT |
| 441 | 'CAUSE THIS IS WHAT IT'S GOING TO BE LIKE |
| 442 | WHEN YOU AND I HAVE BABIES. |
| 443 | WHEN WILL THAT BE? |
| 444 | WOULD YOU TAKE A LOOK AT THIS MESS? |
| 445 | OH, HONEY, THANK GOD YOU'RE HOME. |
| 446 | I WAS GETTING WORRIED. |
| 447 | I PICKED UP THE DIVORCE PAPERS. |
| 448 | UH, I'VE ALREADY SIGNED EVERYTHING |
| 449 | AND I PUT LITTLE X's WHERE YOU NEED TO SIGN. |
| 450 | OH, LITTLE X's... GREAT. |
| 451 | THAT MAKES UP FOR EVERYTHING. |
| 452 | YOU KNOW, YOU'VE DONE A LOT OF STUPID STUFF, TOO, OKAY? |
| 453 | OH, NAME ONE STUPID THING THAT IS AS STUPID AS THIS ONE. |
| 454 | OKAY, HOW ABOUT YOU FLEW TO LONDON TO STOP MY WEDDING. |
| 455 | UH, HOW ABOUT YOU TOLD ME YOU LOVED ME |
| 456 | AFTER I WAS ALREADY MARRIED. |
| 457 | HEY, WAIT A MINUTE. |
| 458 | THAT WAS DIFFERENT. |
| 459 | I DID THOSE THINGS BECAUSE I WAS IN LOVE WITH YOU. |
| 460 | YEAH, RIGHT. |
| 461 | YOU'RE RIGHT. THAT'S VERY DIFFERENT. |
| 462 | SO, LET'S... LET'S JUST SIGN THE PAPERS. |
| 463 | WHAT? |
| 464 | NOTHING. |
| 465 | OKAY, CAN WE JUST SIGN, PLEASE? |
| 466 | MM-HMM. |
| 467 | CONGRATULATIONS. |
| 468 | OKAY, WAIT, ROSS. |
| 469 | WAIT A MINUTE. UM... |
| 470 | I, UH... |
| 471 | KIND OF HAVE A LITTLE CONFESSION. |
| 472 | WHAT? |
| 473 | UH, WELL, YOU KNOW THIS WHOLE MARRIAGE THING... |
| 474 | KIND OF MY IDEA. |
| 475 | EXCUSE ME? |
| 476 | UH, WELL, REMEMBER HOW WE WERE TOO DRUNK |
| 477 | TO REMEMBER ANYTHING THE NIGHT WE WERE MARRIED? |
| 478 | YEAH. |
| 479 | AND, UH... |
| 480 | YEAH, I DIDN'T WANT TO SAY ANYTHING |
| 481 | BUT IT JUST KEPT COMING BACK TO ME |
| 482 | AND, UM, REMEMBER WE WERE IN THE CASINO |
| 483 | AND FOR SOME REASON YOU THOUGHT |
| 484 | IT WOULD BE FUNNY TO EAT A LOT OF GRAPES? |
| 485 | AND, UH, AND I THOUGHT |
| 486 | IT WOULD BE FUNNIER IF WE GOT MARRIED. |
| 487 | SO, AS A COMPROMISE, WE DECIDED FIRST TO GET MARRIED |
| 488 | AND THEN... |
| 489 | Both: TO EAT A LOT OF GRAPES. |
| 490 | SO, UM, SORRY I GOT US INTO THIS WHOLE THING. |
| 491 | SO, THEN, I MEAN, IF YOU THINK ABOUT IT |
| 492 | THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT. |
| 493 | YEAH, DON'T PUSH IT THOUGH. |
| 494 | I GOT TO SAY, I KNOW I DIVORCE A LOT OF WOMEN. |
| 495 | NEVER THOUGHT I'D BE DIVORCING YOU. |
| 496 | I KNOW. |
| 497 | I ALWAYS THOUGHT IF YOU AND I GOT MARRIED |
| 498 | THAT WOULD BE THE ONE THAT STUCK. |
| 499 | AND IT WOULDN'T BE A SECRET. |
| 500 | AND WE WOULDN'T HAVE OUR WEDDING DINNER AT PIZZA HUT. |
| 501 | OH... DID I... DID I EVEN TREAT? |
| 502 | NO, IT WAS ON THE HOUSE. |
| 503 | IT WAS A NEWLYWED SPECIAL. |
| 504 | THAT MAY BE THE MOST DEPRESSING THING I'VE HEARD IN MY LIFE. |
| 505 | YEAH. |
| 506 | I SHOULD PROBABLY GET THESE TO MY LAWYER'S OFFICE. |
| 507 | YEAH-- HEY, THANKS, ROSS |
| 508 | FOR TAKING CARE OF ALL THIS. |
| 509 | AH, NO PROBLEM. |
| 510 | I'M GOING TO NEED A COPY OF THOSE. |
| 511 | TOTALLY. YEAH. |
| 512 | HEY! HEY! CAREFUL AROUND MY PORSCHE. |
| 513 | HI, JOEY. |
| 514 | HEY, HOW YOU DOING? |
| 515 | HE HAS THE MOST AMAZING PORSCHE UNDER THERE. |
| 516 | I'D LOVE TO SHOW YOU, BUT I JUST TUCKED HER IN. |
| 517 | SHE'S SLEEPING. |
| 518 | ( giggles ) |
| 519 | HEY, WOULD YOU TWO GIRLS LIKE TO GO FOR A DRINK? |
| 520 | [Captioned by The Caption Center WGBH Educational Foundation] |
| 521 | |
| 1 | OKAY... ( gasping ) |
| 2 | NOW, LISTEN, I'M GOING TO BE MOVING OUT |
| 3 | SO YOU ARE GOING TO BE IN CHARGE OF PAYING THE RENT. |
| 4 | RIGHT. AND WHEN IS THAT DUE? |
| 5 | FIRST OF THE MONTH. AND THAT'S EVERY MONTH? |
| 6 | NO, JUST THE MONTHS YOU ACTUALLY WANT TO LIVE HERE. |
| 7 | AH... |
| 8 | OKAY, HERE'S THE PHONE BILL. |
| 9 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 10 | THAT'S OUR PHONE NUMBER. |
| 11 | NOW, LOOK, I KNOW I KIND OF SPRUNG THIS WHOLE |
| 12 | "ME MOVING OUT ON YOU" THING, SO WHY DON'T I JUST... |
| 13 | WHY DON'T I JUST COVER YOU FOR A WHILE? |
| 14 | NO, NO, NO WAY. |
| 15 | JOEY TRIBBIANI DOES NOT TAKE CHARITY... |
| 16 | ANYMORE. |
| 17 | IT'S NOT CHARITY, JOE. |
| 18 | NO. FORGET IT, OKAY? I MEAN, THANKS, BUT I'M DONE |
| 19 | TAKING MONEY FROM YOU, ALL RIGHT? |
| 20 | I CAN TAKE CARE OF MYSELF. |
| 21 | NOW, WHAT'S NEXT? COME ON. |
| 22 | OKAY, ALL RIGHT, HERE'S THE ELECTRIC BILL. |
| 23 | THIS IS HOW MUCH WE PAY FOR ELECTRIC?! |
| 24 | WELL, YEAH. |
| 25 | ( muttering ) |
| 26 | SO WE'LL DO THE REST OF THE BILLS LATER, THEN? |
| 27 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 28 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 29 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 30 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 31 | ♪ WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY, YOUR WEEK ♪ |
| 32 | ♪ YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 33 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 34 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME, TOO. ♪ |
| 35 | IS JOEY GOING TO HAVE TO GIVE UP THE APARTMENT? |
| 36 | WELL, I HOPE NOT. I TRIED TO OFFER HIM |
| 37 | SOME MONEY, BUT HE WOULDN'T TAKE IT. |
| 38 | WELL, HOW MUCH DO YOU THINK HE NEEDS? |
| 39 | I FIGURED $1,500 WOULD COVER HIM |
| 40 | FOR A FEW MONTHS, YOU KNOW? |
| 41 | BUT I HAVE TO TRICK HIM INTO TAKING IT |
| 42 | SO I DON'T HURT HIS PRIDE. |
| 43 | YEAH, WELL, WHY DON'T YOU HIRE HIM AS AN ACTOR? |
| 44 | YOU COULD HAVE HIM DRESS UP |
| 45 | AND PUT ON LITTLE SKITS-- JUST WHATEVER YOU WANT. |
| 46 | WELL, THAT WOULD HELP THE PRIDE THING. |
| 47 | HEY. |
| 48 | HEY, WOW, YOU LOOK GREAT. |
| 49 | DO YOU WANT TO MOVE IN WITH ME TOMORROW? |
| 50 | OKAY. |
| 51 | OKAY. SO, WHAT DO YOU GIRLS |
| 52 | HAVE PLANNED FOR TONIGHT? |
| 53 | WELL, INSTEAD OF BEING SAD |
| 54 | THAT TONIGHT'S MY LAST THAT NIGHT WITH RACHEL |
| 55 | WE THOUGHT WE'D GO OUT TO DINNER |
| 56 | AND CELEBRATE THE FACT THAT RACHEL'S MOVING IN WITH PHOEBE. |
| 57 | AND ALSO, MY BIRTHDAY. |
| 58 | IT'S NOT YOUR BIRTHDAY. |
| 59 | WHAT A MEAN THING TO SAY. |
| 60 | I WOULD NEVER TELL YOU IT WAS NOT YOUR BIRTHDAY. |
| 61 | HEY. HEY. |
| 62 | Phoebe: HEY. |
| 63 | SO, YOU GUYS HAVE ANYTHING PLANNED |
| 64 | FOR THE BIG LAST NIGHT? |
| 65 | WELL, INSTEAD OF JUST HANGING OUT |
| 66 | WE FIGURED WE'D DO NOTHING. |
| 67 | WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA-- |
| 68 | KNICKS SEASON OPENER TONIGHT. |
| 69 | I THOUGHT MAYBE YOU GUYS WOULD COME OVER AND WATCH IT. |
| 70 | I DON'T KNOW, ROSS. |
| 71 | NOT IF YOU'RE GOING TO TALK ABOUT |
| 72 | HOW YOU GAVE UP A CAREER IN BASKETBALL |
| 73 | TO BECOME A PALEONTOLOGIST. |
| 74 | I DID GIVE UP A CAREER IN BASKETBALL |
| 75 | TO BECOME A PALEONTOLOGIST. |
| 76 | ( groaning ) |
| 77 | PHEEBS, I WAS WONDERING... |
| 78 | YOU'RE NOT DRESSED YET? |
| 79 | WE'RE SUPPOSED TO START HAVING FUN IN 15 MINUTES. |
| 80 | WELL, AND CLEARLY, NOT A MINUTE SOONER. |
| 81 | RACHEL, YOU ARE PACKED, THOUGH, RIGHT? |
| 82 | I MEAN, PLEASE TELL ME THAT YOU'RE PACKED. |
| 83 | OF COURSE I'M PACKED. |
| 84 | MONICA, RELAX. |
| 85 | I JUST WANTED TO ASK PHOEBE HER OPINION |
| 86 | ON WHAT I SHOULD WEAR TONIGHT. |
| 87 | MY GOD, I CANNOT GET A MINUTE OF PEACE AROUND HERE. |
| 88 | OH, MY GOD! |
| 89 | YOU'RE NOT PACKED YET. |
| 90 | MONICA'S JUST GOING TO KILL YOU. |
| 91 | YEAH, I-I KNOW. |
| 92 | WELL, WHAT YOU'RE WEARING IS FINE FOR THAT. |
| 93 | RACHEL, I NEED TO TALK... |
| 94 | YOU'RE NOT PACKED! |
| 95 | YOU'RE NOT PACKED EVEN A LITTLE BIT. |
| 96 | SURPRISE! WHAT? |
| 97 | DON'T GET MAD, 'CAUSE, LOOK |
| 98 | THIS IS WHAT HAPPENED-- SO I-I STARTED PACKING |
| 99 | AND THEN I REALIZED, "WHAT AM I DOING? |
| 100 | I AM LOUSY AT PACKING," RIGHT? |
| 101 | BUT YOU LOVE PACKING |
| 102 | SO AS A GIFT TO YOU ON OUR LAST NIGHT... |
| 103 | TA-DA. |
| 104 | RIGHT. I'LL BE COORDINATOR. |
| 105 | OH, MY GOD, I'M SO SORRY-- I DIDN'T GET YOU ANYTHING. |
| 106 | OKAY, LOOK, EVERYBODY HAS TO HELP, OKAY? |
| 107 | PHOEBE, YOU CAN HELP, CAN'T YOU? |
| 108 | I HAVE PLANS. |
| 109 | YOU HAVE PLANS WITH US. |
| 110 | THAT'S... RIGHT. |
| 111 | ALL RIGHT, CHANDLER CAN MAKE BOXES |
| 112 | ROSS CAN WRAP AND JOEY CAN LIFT THINGS. |
| 113 | NOW, PHOEBE, GO TELL THE GUYS THEY HAVE TO HELP OUT. |
| 114 | OKAY. OKAY. |
| 115 | MY GOD, THANK YOU! |
| 116 | HURRY. MONICA'S GOING |
| 117 | TO MAKE YOU PACK-- SHE'S GOT JOBS FOR EVERYONE. |
| 118 | NOW, IT'S TOO LATE FOR ME, BUT SAVE YOURSELVES. |
| 119 | Monica: OKAY, THE MOVERS WILL BE HERE |
| 120 | IN 11 HOURS. |
| 121 | RACHEL HAS NOT PACKED. |
| 122 | NOW, EVERYBODY HAS TO HELP. |
| 123 | CHANDLER, WE'RE GOING TO START... |
| 124 | NO, I-I-I HAVE PLANS WITH JOEY. |
| 125 | I THOUGHT YOU SAID |
| 126 | YOU WERE GOING TO DO NOTHING. |
| 127 | YES, BUT FOR THE LAST TIME. |
| 128 | ( sniffling ) |
| 129 | OKAY, FINE. |
| 130 | NOW, ROSS... |
| 131 | OH, BUT I-I CAN'T DO IT. |
| 132 | WHY NOT? |
| 133 | DON'T YOU HAVE BEN? |
| 134 | BECAUSE... I HAVE BEN. |
| 135 | IT'S ALMOST 8:00. IT'S ALMOST PAST HIS BEDTIME. |
| 136 | WHERE IS HE? |
| 137 | HE'S AT A DINNER PARTY. |
| 138 | IS HE REALLY COMING? BECAUSE I CAN SEE INTO YOUR APARTMENT. |
| 139 | OF COURSE HE IS. |
| 140 | UH, WHAT, YOU THINK I'D JUST USE MY SON AS-AS AN EXCUSE? |
| 141 | WHAT KIND OF FATHER DO YOU THINK I AM? |
| 142 | ALL RIGHT, SORRY. |
| 143 | I GOT TO GO MAKE A FAKE BEN. |
| 144 | HERE IT IS-- |
| 145 | OUR LAST PIZZAS TOGETHER AS ROOMMATES. |
| 146 | I WISH I'D KNOWN YOU WERE GOING TO DO THAT. I ORDERED CHINESE. |
| 147 | OH, WELL, THAT'S OKAY. |
| 148 | HEY, ACTUALLY, IN A WAY, IT'S KIND OF NICE. |
| 149 | YOU KNOW, OUR LAST DINNER TOGETHER-- |
| 150 | ME, BRINGING THE FOOD OF MY ANCESTORS |
| 151 | YOU, THE FOOD OF YOURS. |
| 152 | HUH? |
| 153 | ( chuckling ) |
| 154 | SAY, JOE, I HAD A STRANGE IDEA |
| 155 | FOR WHAT WE COULD DO FOR OUR LAST NIGHT. |
| 156 | WHAT DO YOU SAY WE PLAY A LITTLE FOOSBALL FOR MONEY? |
| 157 | ARE YOU CRAZY? |
| 158 | YOU HAVEN'T BEATEN ME ONCE SINCE MY INJURY-PLAGUED '97 SEASON. |
| 159 | IT'D BE EASIER IF YOU JUST GIVE ME YOUR MONEY. |
| 160 | YES, IT WOULD. |
| 161 | ( clears throat ) |
| 162 | WHAT DO YOU SAY TO $50? |
| 163 | OKAY, YOU'RE ON. |
| 164 | OKAY, LET'S PLAY. |
| 165 | THE BIG GAME-- ITALY VERSUS... |
| 166 | CHINA, APPARENTLY. |
| 167 | OH, LOOK... |
| 168 | IT'S THE ROLLERBLADES. |
| 169 | OH, GOD... |
| 170 | DO YOU REMEMBER WHEN WE GOT THESE? |
| 171 | NO. |
| 172 | AW, I GUESS YOU WEREN'T THERE. |
| 173 | YOU GUYS, WE SAID WE WERE GOING TO HAVE FUN. |
| 174 | COME ON, HEY. |
| 175 | REMEMBER THE TIME...? |
| 176 | ( laughing ) |
| 177 | YOU DON'T REMEMBER? |
| 178 | I'M SORRY, PHEEBS. |
| 179 | I GUESS I'M JUST REALLY SAD THAT I'M LEAVING. |
| 180 | I'M GOING TO MISS YOU SO MUCH. |
| 181 | WELL, THIS DOESN'T HAVE TO BE SO SAD, THOUGH, YOU KNOW? |
| 182 | MAYBE INSTEAD OF JUST THINKING ABOUT |
| 183 | HOW MUCH YOU'RE GOING TO MISS EACH OTHER |
| 184 | YOU SHOULD, LIKE, THINK ABOUT SOME OF THE THINGS |
| 185 | THAT YOU'RE NOT GOING TO MISS. |
| 186 | I DON'T THINK THERE'S ANYTHING. |
| 187 | COME ON, THERE'S GOT TO BE SOMETHING. |
| 188 | NOPE. |
| 189 | SHE'S PERFECT. |
| 190 | HMM. |
| 191 | I HAVE ONE. |
| 192 | GREAT. OKAY, YOU CAN GO FIRST. |
| 193 | UH, WELL, I GUESS I'M NOT GOING TO MISS THE FACT... |
| 194 | THAT YOU'RE NEVER ALLOWED TO MOVE THE PHONE PEN. |
| 195 | GOOD. THAT'S A GOOD ONE. |
| 196 | OKAY, MONICA, ANYTHING? |
| 197 | YOU KNOW, DOES RACHEL MOVE THE PHONE PEN? |
| 198 | AW, SOMETIMES... |
| 199 | ALWAYS, ACTUALLY. |
| 200 | OKAY, GOOD. THERE YOU GO. |
| 201 | DOESN'T EVERYONE FEEL BETTER? |
| 202 | IT'S NOT JUST THE PHONE PEN. |
| 203 | I NEVER GET MY MESSAGES. |
| 204 | YOU GET YOUR MESSAGES. |
| 205 | YEAH, WELL, I DON'T THINK IT REALLY COUNTS |
| 206 | IF YOU HAVE TO READ THEM OFF THE BACK OF YOUR HAND |
| 207 | AFTER YOU'VE FALLEN ASLEEP ON THE COUCH. |
| 208 | SO-SO, YOU MISSED A MESSAGE FROM WHO? |
| 209 | CHANDLER OR YOUR MOM? |
| 210 | OR CHANDLER? |
| 211 | OR YOUR MOM? |
| 212 | GREAT, IT WORKED. NO ONE'S SAD. |
| 213 | YES. ( groaning ) |
| 214 | I WIN AGAIN. |
| 215 | HA-HA, THAT'S, LIKE, 500 BUCKS YOU OWE ME. |
| 216 | WHOO-HOO-HOO. |
| 217 | YEAH. $500... |
| 218 | THAT IS A LOT OF ELECTRICITY, HUH? |
| 219 | WHOO-HOO-HOO. |
| 220 | OOH, I GOT TO BUY SOME FOOD. |
| 221 | OKAY, OKAY, GIVE ME A CHANCE TO WIN MY MONEY BACK, OKAY? |
| 222 | SUDDEN DEATH, ONE GOAL... |
| 223 | $1,000. |
| 224 | ARE YOU SERIOUS? |
| 225 | OH, YES. |
| 226 | OKAY... |
| 227 | GET READY TO OWE ME. |
| 228 | OKAY. |
| 229 | OKAY, HERE WE GO. READY? |
| 230 | NO, NO, NO. NO, NO, NO. |
| 231 | NO.... ONE CAN BEAT ME. ( groaning ) |
| 232 | SEE? NOW, THAT'S WHY |
| 233 | ONLY THE LITTLE FAKE MEN ARE SUPPOSED TO DO THE KICKING. |
| 234 | ( phone ringing ) |
| 235 | HELLO? |
| 236 | OH, HI, ROSS. |
| 237 | SEE? OTHER PEOPLE CALL ME. |
| 238 | OOH, YOUR BROTHER-- SCORE. |
| 239 | WHAT'S UP? |
| 240 | Oh, I'm just over here with Ben. |
| 241 | THOUGHT WE'D SAY HI. |
| 242 | OH, PUT HIM ON. |
| 243 | BEN, SAY HI TO AUNT MONICA. |
| 244 | OH, I GUESS HE DOESN'T FEEL LIKE TALKING RIGHT NOW. |
| 245 | UH, HE'S SMILING, THOUGH. |
| 246 | OKAY, TALK TO YOU LATER. |
| 247 | I THINK IT WAS BETTER WHEN YOU GUYS WERE SAD. |
| 248 | HEY, OH... |
| 249 | REMEMBER THE ROLLERBLADES? |
| 250 | ( sobbing ): OH... |
| 251 | YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE I'M NOT GOING TO MISS? |
| 252 | "I'M MONICA. I WASH THE TOILET 17 TIMES A DAY |
| 253 | EVEN IF PEOPLE ARE ON IT." |
| 254 | "HI, I'M RACHEL. IS MY SWEATER TOO TIGHT? |
| 255 | NO? OH, I BETTER WASH IT AND SHRINK IT." |
| 256 | "I'M MONICA. |
| 257 | I DON'T GET PHONE MESSAGES FROM INTERESTING PEOPLE. EVER." |
| 258 | HEY, I CALL HER. |
| 259 | "OH, MY GOD, I LOVE ROSS, I HATE ROSS. |
| 260 | I LOVE ROSS, I HATE ROSS." |
| 261 | "OH, MY GOD, I CAN'T FIND A BOYFRIEND |
| 262 | "SO I GUESS I'LL JUST STUMBLE ACROSS THE HALL |
| 263 | AND SLEEP WITH THE FIRST GUY I FIND IN THERE." |
| 264 | YEAH, WE SHOULD GET A MOVE ON |
| 265 | IF WE WANT TO MAKE THOSE DINNER RESERVATIONS. |
| 266 | STILL BROKEN? |
| 267 | IT SUCKS, MAN. |
| 268 | IT'S YOUR LAST NIGHT HERE AND I LOSE THE TWO MOST |
| 269 | IMPORTANT THINGS IN MY LIFE-- |
| 270 | THE FOOSBALL TABLE AND... |
| 271 | $500. |
| 272 | BUT, YOU KNOW, THERE ARE OTHER WAYS |
| 273 | YOU CAN WIN BACK YOUR MONEY. |
| 274 | HOW ABOUT A LITTLE, UH, A LITTLE BLACKJACK? |
| 275 | NAH, NOT MY GAME. |
| 276 | OKAY, UH, HOW ABOUT-- HOW ABOUT... |
| 277 | YOU KNOW, WE COULD PLAY A NEW GAME. |
| 278 | A NEW GAME-- IT'S FUN. |
| 279 | WELL, WHAT'S IT CALLED? |
| 280 | CUPS. |
| 281 | I DON'T KNOW HOW TO PLAY CUPS. |
| 282 | I'LL TEACH YOU. COME ON. |
| 283 | IT'S REAL EASY... REALLY, REALLY FUN. |
| 284 | ALL RIGHT. OKAY, HERE YOU GO. |
| 285 | I HAVE TWO QUEENS. |
| 286 | WHAT DO YOU HAVE? |
| 287 | A TWO AND A FIVE. |
| 288 | HO-HO, YOU WIN, $50. |
| 289 | REALLY? |
| 290 | OH, YEAH. OKAY, LET'S PLAY AGAIN. |
| 291 | READY? |
| 292 | ( chuckling ) |
| 293 | WHAT HAVE YOU GOT? |
| 294 | FOUR AND A NINE. |
| 295 | YOU'RE KIDDING, RIGHT? |
| 296 | NO. WHY? |
| 297 | WELL, THAT'S A FULL CUP. |
| 298 | DAMN, I AM GOOD AT CUPS. |
| 299 | I'M NOT TALKING TO HER. |
| 300 | ONE OF YOU HAS TO TAKE THE FIRST STEP |
| 301 | AND IT SHOULD BE YOU |
| 302 | BECAUSE SHE'S THE ONE WHO'S LEAVING. |
| 303 | IT'S HARDER FOR HER. |
| 304 | WELL, MAYBE YOU'RE RIGHT... |
| 305 | BUT SHE MADE FUN OF MY PHONE PEN! |
| 306 | I KNOW. |
| 307 | I TOOK IT HARD, TOO. |
| 308 | LISTEN, RACHEL, I FEEL REALLY BAD ABOUT WHAT HA... |
| 309 | WHAT ARE YOU DOING? |
| 310 | I'M UNPACKING. |
| 311 | WHAT?! I'M NOT MOVING. |
| 312 | IS THAT PICTURE STRAIGHT? |
| 313 | IT NEEDS TO GO ABOUT 20 BLOCKS TO THE LEFT. |
| 314 | HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT-- YOU'RE THE ONE WHO WANTS |
| 315 | TO MAKE THIS BIG CHANGE AND MOVE IN WITH CHANDLER. |
| 316 | YOU SHOULD BE THE ONE TO GO; WHY DO I HAVE TO LEAVE? |
| 317 | BECAUSE IT'S MY APARTMENT. |
| 318 | WELL, IT'S MINE, TOO. |
| 319 | WHAT ELSE YOU GOT? |
| 320 | HOW ABOUT... YOU'RE MOVING?! |
| 321 | WH... NO. NO-NO-NO. |
| 322 | YES, YES, YES-YES-YES. NO-NO-NO-NO. |
| 323 | YES. NO-NO-NO. |
| 324 | YES. NO-NO-NO. |
| 325 | OKAY, MONICA, WAIT! |
| 326 | COME ON. |
| 327 | COME ON. |
| 328 | THIS IS RIDICULOUS. |
| 329 | WE SHOULD BE PACKING YOU! |
| 330 | WH... |
| 331 | Phoebe: HEY, HOW YOU GUYS DOING? |
| 332 | GREAT. MONICA'S MOVING. |
| 333 | I AM NOT. |
| 334 | OH, REALLY? WELL, HOW COME ALL YOUR STUFF IS IN THIS BOX? |
| 335 | OKAY, YOU GUYS, YOU GUYS |
| 336 | I THINK I KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON, HERE, OKAY? |
| 337 | YOU GUYS... STOP! |
| 338 | I KNOW THAT... I KNOW THAT YOU'RE ACTING MAD |
| 339 | BECAUSE YOU THINK THAT'LL MAKE IT EASIER TO LEAVE |
| 340 | BUT DEEP DOWN, YOU'RE STILL REALLY SAD-- |
| 341 | DEEP, DEEP DOWN. |
| 342 | NO, PHOEBE, I AM MAD. |
| 343 | WELL, DEEP, DEEP, DEEP DOWN. YEAH, I'M JUST MAD. |
| 344 | THEN, KEEP RUNNING. |
| 345 | YOU WIN. |
| 346 | WELL, WHAT DID YOU HAVE? WELL, IT DOESN'T MATTER. |
| 347 | NOTHING BEATS A... THREE AND A SIX. |
| 348 | THAT, MY FRIEND, IS "D" CUP. |
| 349 | OKAY, NOW, HOW MUCH HAVE YOU WON SO FAR? |
| 350 | UH... WOW... |
| 351 | $700. |
| 352 | NOT $700 EXACTLY? |
| 353 | YEAH. |
| 354 | DOUBLE IT. |
| 355 | WHAT? |
| 356 | YEAH, SEE, IN CUPS |
| 357 | ONCE YOU GET $700, YOU HAVE TO DOUBLE IT. |
| 358 | REALLY? |
| 359 | HEY, I DIDN'T MAKE UP THE RULES. |
| 360 | OKAY, SO, NOW |
| 361 | AFTER YOU RECEIVE THE DOUBLING BONUS |
| 362 | YOU GET, UH, ONE CARD. |
| 363 | NOW, THAT ONE CARD COULD BE WORTH $100 |
| 364 | WHICH BRINGS YOUR TOTAL TO $1,500. |
| 365 | OH-HO... NO, WAIT. |
| 366 | DON'T GET TOO EXCITED |
| 367 | BECAUSE THAT'S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN |
| 368 | UNLESS YOU GET THE... NO WAY! |
| 369 | WELL, THIS IS THE LAST BOX OF YOUR CLOTHES. |
| 370 | I'M JUST GOING TO LABEL IT |
| 371 | "WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?" |
| 372 | HUH, THAT'S SO FUNNY |
| 373 | 'CAUSE I WAS JUST GOING TO GO ACROSS THE HALL |
| 374 | AND WRITE THAT ON CHANDLER. |
| 375 | OKAY, YOU GUYS, I DON'T MEAN TO MAKE THINGS WORSE |
| 376 | BUT, UM, I DON'T WANT TO LIVE WITH RACHEL ANYMORE. |
| 377 | WHAT? WHAT? |
| 378 | YOU'RE JUST SO MEAN TO EACH OTHER |
| 379 | AND I DON'T WANT TO END UP LIKE THAT WITH RACHEL. |
| 380 | I STILL LIKE YOU. |
| 381 | WELL, PHOEBE, THAT'S FINE BECAUSE I'M NOT MOVING. |
| 382 | WHOA-WHOA-WHOA-WHOA-WHOA. |
| 383 | PHOEBE, YOU GOT TO TAKE HER. |
| 384 | I KNOW I SAID SOME BAD STUFF ABOUT HER |
| 385 | BUT RACHEL DOES HAVE SOME GOOD QUALITIES |
| 386 | THAT MAKE HER A GOOD ROOMMATE. |
| 387 | OH, REALLY? LIKE WHAT, MONICA? |
| 388 | OKAY... |
| 389 | YOU KNOW HOW SHE HAS 147,000 PAIR OF BOOTS? |
| 390 | OH, YEAH, GOOD START, MON. |
| 391 | SHE LETS YOU BORROW THEM. |
| 392 | YEAH, AND YOU STRETCH THEM OUT WITH YOUR BIG OLD CLOWN FEET. |
| 393 | DO YOU WANT TO LIVE OUTSIDE? |
| 394 | BECAUSE IT'S GETTING COLD. |
| 395 | SHE GETS TONS OF CATALOGS |
| 396 | AND, UM, SHE'LL FOLD DOWN THE PAGES |
| 397 | OF THE THINGS THAT SHE THINKS THAT I'D LIKE. |
| 398 | WHAT ELSE? |
| 399 | WELL... |
| 400 | WHEN I TAKE A SHOWER... |
| 401 | SHE LEAVES ME LITTLE NOTES ON THE MIRROR. |
| 402 | YEAH, I DO. |
| 403 | I-I DO DO THAT. |
| 404 | THAT'S NICE. |
| 405 | I LIKE HAVING THINGS TO READ IN THE BATHROOM. |
| 406 | WHEN I FALL ASLEEP |
| 407 | ON THE COUCH AFTER READING... |
| 408 | SHE COVERS ME OVER WITH A BLANKET. |
| 409 | WELL, YOU KNOW... |
| 410 | I DON'T WANT YOU TO BE COLD. |
| 411 | ( voice breaking ): AND... WHEN I TOLD HER |
| 412 | THAT I WAS GOING TO BE MOVING IN WITH CHANDLER... |
| 413 | SHE WAS REALLY SUPPORTIVE. |
| 414 | ( crying ): YOU WERE SO GREAT. |
| 415 | YOU MADE IT SO EASY... |
| 416 | AND, NOW YOU HAVE TO LEAVE... |
| 417 | AND I HAVE TO LIVE WITH A BOY! |
| 418 | OH... |
| 419 | OH, HONEY... |
| 420 | ( crying ) |
| 421 | OH, IT'S GOING TO BE FINE. |
| 422 | OKAY, RACHEL, NOW I CAN'T WAIT TO LIVE WITH YOU... |
| 423 | AND YOU KNOW WHAT WE SHOULD DO? |
| 424 | BRING MONICA, AND, THEN WE COULD ALL LIVE THERE TOGETHER |
| 425 | AND WE'LL HAVE SO MUCH FUN! |
| 426 | BUT, HONEY, I THINK SHE'S MOVING IN WITH CHANDLER. |
| 427 | OH, THAT'S RIGHT. |
| 428 | YOU'RE STILL SET ON THAT? |
| 429 | ( sniffles ) |
| 430 | KIND OF. |
| 431 | OH, MY GOD! |
| 432 | ( phone rings ) |
| 433 | HELLO? |
| 434 | HEY, MON. |
| 435 | HOW'S THE PACKING GOING? |
| 436 | BEN? HE'S FINE. |
| 437 | YEAH, HE'S RIGHT... |
| 438 | OH, MY GOD! |
| 439 | WELL... |
| 440 | GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR SHIRT THERE, SON. |
| 441 | ( chuckles nervously ) |
| 442 | WHAT? |
| 443 | YEAH, IT'S A PUMPKIN. |
| 444 | I'LL COME PACK. |
| 445 | HEY. |
| 446 | WHAT'S WRONG? |
| 447 | ROSS AND I |
| 448 | WERE HELPING THE GIRLS PACK |
| 449 | TOOK A LITTLE BREAK... |
| 450 | I LOST $1,500 TO HIM AT CUPS. |
| 451 | WHA... |
| 452 | HOW DID YOU LOSE AT CUPS? |
| 453 | THE SAME WAY YOU LOST. |
| 454 | I STARTED OUT WITH A KING AND A QUEEN. |
| 455 | BAM! ROSS GETS A TWO AND A THREE. |
| 456 | THEN I GET A JACK AND A KING. |
| 457 | BOOM! ROSS GETS A FOUR AND FIVE. |
| 458 | ROSS WAS GETTING THE CUP CARD |
| 459 | TH-THE "D" CUP, THE-THE SITTING-DOWN BONUS... |
| 460 | MEANWHILE, I DIDN'T EVEN GET A HALF A CUP, NOTHING! |
| 461 | OH, MAN! |
| 462 | HE NEVER PLAYED BEFORE EITHER. YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK? |
| 463 | I THINK BEGINNER'S LUCK-- VERY IMPORTANT IN CUPS. |
| 464 | OKAY, I... LET'S JUST PLAY ONE MORE HAND-- |
| 465 | JUST ONE MORE HAND. |
| 466 | NO, NO, NO MORE-- I CANNOT LOSE ANOTHER DIME. |
| 467 | I'M SERIOUS THIS TIME. |
| 468 | I-IN FACT, LOOK, THERE'S, UH... |
| 469 | I WANT TO GIVE YOU SOMETHING, OKAY? |
| 470 | AND LET ME GIVE IT TO YOU NOW, BEFORE I PAWN IT FOR CUPS MONEY. |
| 471 | NOW... I WANT YOU TO HAVE |
| 472 | THE BIG WHITE DOG AS A... KIND OF A, YOU KNOW |
| 473 | LIKE A THANK YOU FOR... BEING SUCH A GREAT ROOMMATE. |
| 474 | I CAN'T TAKE THE BIG WHITE DOG. |
| 475 | YOU LOVE IT. |
| 476 | IT'S "HIM," NOT "IT." |
| 477 | NO, BUT WHAT-WHAT IF I BOUGHT IT |
| 478 | FROM YOU, YOU KNOW? |
| 479 | AND, THEN, YOUR-YOUR NICE GESTURE WOULD BE |
| 480 | GIVING IT TO ME AT A REASONABLE PRICE-- |
| 481 | ( voice cracking ): SAY, $1,500? |
| 482 | WAIT A SECOND. |
| 483 | I SEE WHAT YOU'RE TRYING TO DO HERE. |
| 484 | YOU'RE-YOU'RE-YOU'RE TRYING TO GIVE ME MONEY AGAIN. |
| 485 | WHEN DID I TRY TO GIVE YOU MONEY? |
| 486 | BEFORE, OVER THERE, WITH THE BILLS. |
| 487 | YOU TRIED TO GIVE ME CHARITY. |
| 488 | I SAID, "NO." YOU DROPPED IT. |
| 489 | OKAY, THEN, WE HAD A NICE LAST NIGHT TOGETHER. |
| 490 | WE HAD SOME FUN; WE GAMBLED. |
| 491 | NOBODY TRIED TO GIVE ANYBODY ANY MONEY. |
| 492 | NOW, OUT OF THE BLUE, YOU START WITH THE CHARITY THING AGAIN. |
| 493 | I'M JUST TRYING TO HELP YOU OUT, OKAY? |
| 494 | I WANT TO MAKE SURE THAT YOU'RE OKAY. |
| 495 | I WILL BE OKAY. |
| 496 | LOOK, CHANDLER, YOU GOT TO GET IT OUT OF YOUR HEAD |
| 497 | THAT I CAN'T TAKE CARE OF MYSELF, OKAY? |
| 498 | LOOK, I'M NOT GOING |
| 499 | TO MISS YOU HELPING ME OUT WITH MONEY. |
| 500 | THE ONLY THING THAT I'M GOING TO MISS... |
| 501 | IS YOU... |
| 502 | AND, NOW THE DOG. |
| 503 | HEY... |
| 504 | CALL ME WHEN YOU GET THERE, OKAY? |
| 505 | OKAY. |
| 506 | I'M REALLY GOING TO MISS YOU. |
| 507 | MMM. |
| 508 | ( both sigh ) |
| 509 | OH, I HAVE YOUR KEY. |
| 510 | HERE YOU GO. |
| 511 | THANKS. |
| 512 | OKAY. |
| 513 | OH, GOD, THIS IS SILLY. |
| 514 | I'M GOING TO SEE YOU IN A COUPLE OF HOURS. |
| 515 | MM-HMM. |
| 516 | BYE, HOUSE. |
| 517 | ( chuckling ) |
| 518 | BYE, BABE. BYE. |
| 519 | HI. |
| 520 | SHE REALLY LEFT. |
| 521 | I KNOW. |
| 522 | THANK YOU. |
| 523 | NO PROBLEM, ROOMIE. |
| 524 | CAN I ASK YOU A QUESTION? |
| 525 | SURE. |
| 526 | WHAT THE HELL IS THAT DOG DOING HERE? |
| 527 | I INVENTED CUPS AS A WAY TO GIVE JOEY MONEY. |
| 528 | AND, NOW YOU WANT THAT MONEY BACK. |
| 529 | EXACTLY. |
| 530 | CHANDLER, WHAT KIND OF IDIOT DO YOU TAKE ME FOR? |
| 531 | IT'S NOT A REAL GAME. |
| 532 | I MADE IT UP. |
| 533 | I'M SORRY YOU LOST YOUR MONEY, BUT I WON IT FAIR AND SQUARE. |
| 534 | AT A FAKE GAME! |
| 535 | NOW, IF YOU WANT TO TRY TO MAKE SOME OF IT BACK... |
| 536 | I'D BE GLAD TO PLAY YOU FOR IT, BUT I SHOULD WARN YOU-- |
| 537 | I AM VERY GOOD AT CUPS. |
| 538 | OKAY... |
| 539 | NOW, I ASSUME THE SAUCER CARD CAME UP |
| 540 | WHEN YOU PLAYED LAST. |
| 541 | NO. HMM... |
| 542 | LET'S SEE IF IT COMES UP THIS TIME. |
| 543 | |
| 1 | READY? YEAH. |
| 2 | OKAY. |
| 3 | HI. IT'S... |
| 4 | RACHEL... AND... |
| 5 | PHOEBE'S... PLEASE... |
| 6 | LEAVE... |
| 7 | LEAVE... |
| 8 | WAIT, I-I JUST SAID, "LEAVE." |
| 9 | YEAH, I KNOW, BECAUSE YOU HAVE |
| 10 | ALL THE GOOD WORDS. |
| 11 | WHAT DO I GET? I GET "IT'S," |
| 12 | "AND"-- OH, I'M SORRY, I HAVE "A." |
| 13 | FORGET IT. |
| 14 | PHOEBE, COME ON. THAT'S SILLY. |
| 15 | ALL RIGHT, SO, LET'S SWITCH. |
| 16 | NO, I HAVE ALL THE GOOD WORDS. |
| 17 | OKAY, FINE, FINE. WE CAN SWITCH. |
| 18 | OKAY. OKAY. |
| 19 | HI... |
| 20 | EVERYBODY... |
| 21 | IT'S... RACHEL... |
| 22 | AND... PHOEBE'S... |
| 23 | PLEASE... WAIT. |
| 24 | HOW DID YOU DO THAT? |
| 25 | WHAT? |
| 26 | OH... YOU'RE NO ORDINARY ROOMMATE, ARE YOU? |
| 27 | PH-PHOEBE, COME ON. CAN WE FINISH THIS LATER? |
| 28 | I WANT TO GO RUNNING BEFORE IT GETS DARK. |
| 29 | OH! WHY DON'T YOU COME WITH ME? |
| 30 | REALLY? YEAH. |
| 31 | OH, IT'LL BE FUN. WE'LL RUN IN THE PARK. |
| 32 | IT'LL BE, LIKE, OUR FIRST |
| 33 | YOU KNOW, ROOMMATE-BONDING THING. |
| 34 | OKAY, LET'S GO RUNNING. YEAH... |
| 35 | AND THERE'S REALLY CUTE GUYS. |
| 36 | LET'S RUN TOWARDS THEM! OKAY. |
| 37 | ALL RIGHT, WAIT JUST ONE MORE SECOND. |
| 38 | HI. IT'S PHOEBE AND RACHEL'S. |
| 39 | PLEASE LEAVE A MESSAGE. THANKS. |
| 40 | WELL, NOW, WAIT A MINUTE. |
| 41 | YOU JUST TOOK ALL THE WORDS. |
| 42 | UH-HUH, YOU'VE MET YOUR MATCH, RACHEL GREEN. |
| 43 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 44 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 45 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 46 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 47 | ♪ WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY, YOUR WEEK ♪ |
| 48 | ♪ YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 49 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 50 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME, TOO. ♪ |
| 51 | SO, I JUST FINISHED THIS FASCINATING BOOK. |
| 52 | BY THE YEAR 2030, THERE'LL BE COMPUTERS |
| 53 | THAT CAN CARRY OUT THE SAME AMOUNT OF FUNCTIONS |
| 54 | AS AN ACTUAL HUMAN BRAIN. |
| 55 | SO, THEORETICALLY, YOU COULD DOWNLOAD |
| 56 | YOUR THOUGHTS AND MEMORIES INTO THIS COMPUTER |
| 57 | AND-AND-AND LIVE FOREVER, AS A MACHINE. |
| 58 | AND I JUST REALIZED I CAN SLEEP WITH MY EYES OPEN. |
| 59 | ( door opening ) |
| 60 | HEY. |
| 61 | HEY. HEY. |
| 62 | HONEY, THAT'S A GREAT IDEA-- NAILING THE BOXES |
| 63 | TO THE FLOOR. |
| 64 | I DIDN'T NAIL THE BOXES TO THE FLOOR. |
| 65 | OH, SO YOU CAN MOVE THEM? |
| 66 | YES. YES, AND WHILE I'M DOING THAT |
| 67 | ROSS HAS A GREAT COMPUTER STORY FOR YOU. |
| 68 | HEY, EVERYBODY. UH, I'D LIKE YOU TO MEET JANINE. |
| 69 | SHE'S-SHE'S GOING TO BE MY NEW ROOMMATE. |
| 70 | HI. |
| 71 | HI. HI. |
| 72 | YEAH, SHE'S GOING TO LIVE WITH ME! |
| 73 | IT'S NICE TO MEET YOU. UH, JANINE... |
| 74 | LECROIX, JANINE LECROIX. |
| 75 | I DIDN'T KNOW THAT. |
| 76 | WH-WHAT A PRETTY LAST NAME. |
| 77 | SO, UH, WH-WHERE ARE YOU FROM? |
| 78 | AUSTRALIA. I JUST MOVED HERE A COUPLE OF WEEKS AGO. |
| 79 | FROM THE LAND DOWN UNDER? YEAH. |
| 80 | I DIDN'T KNOW THAT, EITHER. |
| 81 | SO, UH, WHAT, UH, WHAT DO YOU DO? |
| 82 | I'M A DANCER. |
| 83 | YOU'RE A DANCER? |
| 84 | SHE-SHE'S A DANCER. |
| 85 | Janine: WELL, I THINK |
| 86 | I'LL GO AND... UNPACK. |
| 87 | OH, HEY, LET ME. |
| 88 | THANKS. OKAY. |
| 89 | ( gasping ecstatically ) |
| 90 | JOEY... |
| 91 | YEAH? |
| 92 | DID YOU EVEN INTERVIEW THIS WOMAN |
| 93 | BEFORE YOU ASKED HER TO MOVE IN? |
| 94 | OF COURSE I DID. |
| 95 | WHAT EXACTLY DID YOU ASK HER? |
| 96 | "WHEN CAN YOU MOVE IN?" |
| 97 | THANK YOU FOR BRINGING HER INTO OUR LIVES. |
| 98 | UNBELIEVABLE. |
| 99 | OH... OH, SO, YOU LIKE HER, TOO, CHANDLER? |
| 100 | HEY, LOOK AT ALL THE BOXES. |
| 101 | OH, I CANNOT WAIT TO ASK HER OUT. |
| 102 | WAIT A MINUTE, JOEY. |
| 103 | JOEY, YOU CAN'T ASK HER OUT. SHE'S YOUR ROOMMATE. |
| 104 | YOU KNOW, IT'S... IT'LL BE WAY TOO COMPLICATED. |
| 105 | YEAH, YEAH, MAN, DON'T DO IT. |
| 106 | I MEAN, IF YOU DATE HER |
| 107 | THEN-THEN-THEN I CAN'T DATE HER. |
| 108 | Chandler: ALL RIGHT, THINK ABOUT IT. |
| 109 | NOW, REMEMBER WHEN YOU WENT OUT WITH THAT GIRL, DONNA |
| 110 | AND YOU GUYS BROKE UP? REMEMBER HOW HORRIBLE IT WAS |
| 111 | WHEN YOU GUYS BUMPED INTO EACH OTHER AT THE SUPERMARKET? |
| 112 | OH, GOD, YEAH. NOW, IMAGINE YOU LIVE... AT THE SUPERMARKET. |
| 113 | OKAY. |
| 114 | NO, NO. |
| 115 | OH. OH. OH, YOU'RE RIGHT. |
| 116 | I DON'T WANT THAT. I CAN'T DATE HER. |
| 117 | YEAH, AND YOU BETTER WATCH THE FLIRTING, TOO |
| 118 | BECAUSE IN SUCH CLOSE QUARTERS... IT COULD BE TROUBLE. |
| 119 | WELL, THAT'S GOING TO BE TOUGH, MON. I MEAN, |
| 120 | IT'S HARD FOR ME TO BE AROUND AN ATTRACTIVE WOMAN |
| 121 | AND NOT FLIRT. ( chuckles ) |
| 122 | WELL, YOU'RE AROUND ME ALL THE TIME |
| 123 | AND YOU DON'T FLIRT. |
| 124 | YOU A LITTLE SAD ABOUT THAT, SWEETHEART? |
| 125 | I HAVE TO TIE MY SHOE. YOU GO AHEAD. |
| 126 | I'LL CATCH UP. Both: OKAY. |
| 127 | ( panting ) |
| 128 | COME ON! THAT'S NOT RUNNING! |
| 129 | LET'S GO! |
| 130 | YOU GUYS, I'M TELLING YOU |
| 131 | WHEN SHE RUNS, SHE LOOKS LIKE |
| 132 | A CROSS BETWEEN KERMIT THE FROG AND THE SIX MILLION DOLLAR MAN. |
| 133 | MONICA HAD SUCH A CRUSH ON HIM. |
| 134 | ( laughing ) |
| 135 | YEAH, SHE USED TO KISS HIS POSTER |
| 136 | EVERY NIGHT BEFORE SHE WENT TO BED. |
| 137 | OH, I USED TO DO THAT, TOO. |
| 138 | DID YOU ALSO HAVE HIS ALBUM |
| 139 | IT'S NOT EASY BEING GREEN? |
| 140 | AW, MON... |
| 141 | ( chuckling ) |
| 142 | SO, PHOEBE RUNS WEIRD, HUH? |
| 143 | YEAH, YEAH, AND YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 144 | AND I KNOW SHE'S GOING TO WANT TO RUN AGAIN. |
| 145 | I JUST DON'T KNOW HOW TO GET OUT OF IT. |
| 146 | I MEAN, I LIVE WITH HER. |
| 147 | WHY DON'T YOU JUST BE STRAIGHT WITH HER? |
| 148 | TELL HER THE TRUTH. |
| 149 | YOU'RE RIGHT. |
| 150 | YOU'RE RIGHT, I SHOULD JUST TELL HER THE TRUTH. |
| 151 | HEY. HEY. |
| 152 | HEY, PHEEBS, MONICA TRIPPED ME. |
| 153 | I DON'T THINK I CAN EVER RUN AGAIN, EVER. |
| 154 | WHY? WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT? |
| 155 | I DON'T KNOW. |
| 156 | RACHEL, I'M-I'M SORRY THAT I HURT YOUR ANKLES. |
| 157 | ANKLE. |
| 158 | WE'LL SEE. |
| 159 | OKAY, I AM OFFICIALLY UNPACKED. |
| 160 | THANKS FOR HELPING ME, MAN. |
| 161 | JOE? |
| 162 | ( Joey chuckling ) |
| 163 | WELL, I GUESS JOEY WENT HOME. |
| 164 | OH, AND LOOK, THERE'S STILL ONE BOX |
| 165 | THAT I HAVE TO UNPACK. |
| 166 | ( Joey laughing ) |
| 167 | I GOTCHA! |
| 168 | ( laughing ) |
| 169 | OH, MY GOD! |
| 170 | YOU ALMOST GAVE ME A HEART ATTACK. |
| 171 | BOY, IT WAS SO HARD NOT TO LAUGH |
| 172 | I'LL TELL YOU. |
| 173 | OH, HEY-HEY... |
| 174 | THE PLACE LOOKS GREAT. |
| 175 | YEAH, NOT BAD, RIGHT? |
| 176 | MONICA'S GOING TO BE WORKING LATE. |
| 177 | SO, I'M GOING TO MAKE THIS PLACE SPOTLESS. |
| 178 | YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE I'M GOING TO DO? |
| 179 | I'M GOING TO GO DOWNSTAIRS. |
| 180 | I'M GOING TO GET HER SOME FLOWERS. |
| 181 | NOW, WHO WOULD NOT WANT TO LIVE WITH ME? |
| 182 | I DON'T. |
| 183 | NO, I WANT TO LIVE |
| 184 | WITH THE SUPER-HOT AUSTRALIAN DANCER. |
| 185 | OKAY, NOW, HOW'S THAT GOING NOW? |
| 186 | ARE YOU OKAY WITH THE NOT-FLIRTING THING? |
| 187 | UH, YEAH, BUT... SO FAR, YEAH BUT IT'S TOUGH, YOU KNOW? |
| 188 | I GOT ALL THIS-THIS BUILT-UP FLIRTING ENERGY |
| 189 | AND-AND I DON'T KNOW HOW TO GET RID OF IT. |
| 190 | HOW YOU DOIN'? |
| 191 | ( voice cracking ): OH, MAN. |
| 192 | SORRY, THERE'S JUST MORE ROOM OUT HERE. |
| 193 | OH, NO, NO, NO, IT'S-IT'S, UH... YOU JUST, UH, UH, REMINDED ME |
| 194 | THAT, UH, I HAVE TO DO MY STRETCHES, TOO, YEAH. |
| 195 | ( groaning painfully ) |
| 196 | WHY DON'T YOU TRY TO... ( yelping ) |
| 197 | WHAT'S WRONG? UH, UH, NOTHING. |
| 198 | I JUST, UH... I-I DIDN'T WANT YOU TO TOUCH ME |
| 199 | BECAUSE I'M-I'M ALL SWEATY |
| 200 | FROM THE WORKOUT. |
| 201 | I'M GOING TO HIT THE SHOWER. |
| 202 | OH, MY GOD! |
| 203 | OH, SORRY ABOUT THAT STUFF HANGING IN THERE. |
| 204 | IT'S JUST MY THONGS ARE TOO DELICATE FOR THE DRYER. |
| 205 | OH... |
| 206 | ( laughing nervously ) |
| 207 | ( whimpering ) |
| 208 | ( exhaling rhythmically ) |
| 209 | HI! ( startled yell ) |
| 210 | OH, YEAH, UH-HUH, IT'S ME. |
| 211 | I SAW YOU GRAB YOUR RUNNING SHOES THIS MORNING |
| 212 | AND SNEAK OUT. |
| 213 | YOU LIED SO YOU COULD RUN BY YOURSELF. |
| 214 | NO, PHOEBE, NO, I WAS... NO. YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 215 | I WAS... I WAS ACTUALLY JUST CHECKING... |
| 216 | TO SEE... IF I COULD RUN AND I CAN. |
| 217 | PLEASE, RACHEL, I AM NOT AN IDIOT. |
| 218 | NO, WAIT, PHOEBE. |
| 219 | WOW... COUPLES WHO LIVE TOGETHER DO START |
| 220 | TO LOOK ALIKE. |
| 221 | SO... MON-DLER... |
| 222 | UH... |
| 223 | WHAT, UH... WH... WHAT YOU DOING? |
| 224 | WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE? I AM CLEANING. |
| 225 | DID YOU GET MONICA'S AUTHORIZATION |
| 226 | TO MOVE ALL OF HER STUFF? |
| 227 | "AUTHORIZATION"-- I DON'T NEED THAT. |
| 228 | I'M GONNA PUT EVERYTHING BACK. |
| 229 | PUT IT BACK EXACTLY WHERE YOU FOUND IT? |
| 230 | YES, I'M GOING TO PUT IT BACK "EXACTLY" WHERE I FOUND IT. |
| 231 | OKAY, FIRST OF ALL, THAT ATTITUDE IS NOT HELPING. |
| 232 | OKAY, SHE IS NOT GOING TO CARE |
| 233 | IF I PUT HER STUFF BACK IN THE SAME STUPID PLACE. |
| 234 | OH, HELLO? DID YOU JUST MEET MONICA? |
| 235 | SHE'S GOING TO RECOGNIZE THAT I DID A NICE THING |
| 236 | AND-AND APPRECIATE IT. |
| 237 | HUH. YOU KNOW, ACTUALLY |
| 238 | THIS WILL WORK OUT WELL |
| 239 | BECAUSE WHEN YOU HAVE TO MOVE BACK IN WITH JOEY |
| 240 | JOEY'S HOT NEW ROOMMATE CAN COME LIVE WITH ME. |
| 241 | I SEE. I SEE. |
| 242 | Y-Y-YOU'RE TRYING TO FREAK ME OUT. |
| 243 | LOOK, CHANDLER, MONICA IS REALLY WEIRD |
| 244 | ABOUT THIS KIND OF STUFF, ALL RIGHT? |
| 245 | BELIEVE ME, I LIVED WITH HER FOR 16 YEARS. |
| 246 | SHE IS GOING TO FREAK OUT. |
| 247 | OH, MY GOD, SHE'S GOING TO SIT ON YOU. |
| 248 | NO, SHE'S NOT, OKAY? |
| 249 | YOU KNOW, I'LL PROVE IT TO YOU. |
| 250 | I'M GOING TO CALL HER RIGHT NOW. |
| 251 | PHONE'S DONE. ( chuckles sarcastically ) |
| 252 | HEY, MON, HOW'S IT GOING? |
| 253 | Monica: Terrible. |
| 254 | I TELL YOU, IF-IF-IF I WANT SOMETHING DONE RIGHT |
| 255 | I HAVE TO DO IT MYSELF. |
| 256 | Other people just wreck stuff. |
| 257 | I REALLY THINK I MIGHT KILL SOMEONE TONIGHT. |
| 258 | OH, COME ON, COME ON, IT CAN'T BE THAT BAD. |
| 259 | IT'S WORSE. |
| 260 | THE ONLY THING GETTING ME THROUGH IS |
| 261 | KNOWING I'M GONNA BE SEEING YOU SOON. |
| 262 | I think I might even try to get out of here early. |
| 263 | NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. |
| 264 | NO, IT SOUNDS LIKE THEY REALLY NEED YOU DOWN THERE. |
| 265 | AREN'T YOU JUST HANGING OUT WITH ROSS? |
| 266 | IT'S ALL GOOD. OKAY, BYE-BYE, MON. |
| 267 | SH-SHE'S GOING TO KILL ME. |
| 268 | YOU KNOW, THE PHONE WAS FACING THE OTHER WAY... |
| 269 | AND THAT GOES BACK UP THERE. |
| 270 | YOU KNOW WHAT WE SHOULD DO? WE SHOULD START WITH THE BIG STUFF, |
| 271 | YOU KNOW? THAT'LL BE THE EASIEST. |
| 272 | SO, UH, LET'S START WITH THE COUCH. |
| 273 | I GOT IT. |
| 274 | YEAH, THAT-THAT DOESN'T LOOK RIGHT. |
| 275 | WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? |
| 276 | THE COUCH IS PERFECTLY IN LINE WITH THE CARPET |
| 277 | AND THEN I COULD JUST WALK OVER HERE |
| 278 | AND CASUALLY JUST PUT MY FEET RIGHT UP ON... |
| 279 | OKAY, HERE'S WHAT WE DO-- WE JUST, UH, |
| 280 | MOVE THE COUCH CLOSER TO THE COFFEE TABLE. |
| 281 | WHOA, YEAH, BUT THEN THE BACK OF THE COUCH |
| 282 | WON'T LINE UP WITH THE BACK OF THE CARPET. |
| 283 | OKAY, WELL, HERE-- WE'LL JUST, UH... |
| 284 | WE'LL MOVE THE COFFEE TABLE CLOSER TO THE COUCH. |
| 285 | NO, WHOA! WHOA! |
| 286 | BUT THEN THE COFFEE TABLE |
| 287 | WON'T BE CENTERED IN THE SEATING AREA. |
| 288 | YES, BUT THE COFFEE TABLE DOESN'T HAVE TO... |
| 289 | ( blubbering ) ROSS! |
| 290 | ALL RIGHT, LOOK, WHAT AM I GOING TO DO? |
| 291 | I'M NOT FLIRTING, BUT STILL, I'M-I'M DRAWING HER TO ME |
| 292 | LIKE-LIKE-LIKE A MOTH TO A FLAME! |
| 293 | WHAT THE HELL'S GOING ON OVER HERE?! |
| 294 | MONICA'S GOING TO KILL YOU. |
| 295 | LOOK, I NEED YOUR HELP, OKAY? |
| 296 | I HAVE TO DO SOMETHING TO-TO REPEL THIS WOMAN. |
| 297 | WAIT A MINUTE, WAIT A MINUTE. |
| 298 | YOU GUYS REPEL WOMEN ALL THE TIME! |
| 299 | HEY, I'VE BEEN MARRIED THREE TIMES. |
| 300 | NO, NO, NO, NO, NO! |
| 301 | I'VE SEEN IT HAPPEN. |
| 302 | YOU GET A RAPPORT GOING WITH A WOMAN, |
| 303 | BUT SOMEHOW YOU MANAGE TO KILL IT. |
| 304 | WHAT'S YOUR SECRET? |
| 305 | LOOK, WE DO NOT REPEL WOMEN, OKAY? |
| 306 | THAT IS COMPLETELY UNTRUE. |
| 307 | UH, YES, WE DO, MY MAN. |
| 308 | REMEMBER WHEN WE WERE BACK IN COLLEGE |
| 309 | AND WE WENT TO THAT SPRING DANCE |
| 310 | AND YOU WALKED RIGHT UP TO THAT GIRL YOU LIKED |
| 311 | AND YOU COULD NOT STOP TALKING ABOUT |
| 312 | THE IRISH POTATO FAMINE? |
| 313 | WELL, WHAT ABOUT YOU? |
| 314 | YOU WEREN'T SO, YOU KNOW, HOT IN COLLEGE, EITHER. |
| 315 | AFTER EVERYTHING HE SAID, HE'D GO "BA-DUM-BUMP. CHSSH." |
| 316 | YEAH, MONICA DOESN'T LIKE THAT, EITHER. |
| 317 | MAYBE I SHOULD STOP DOING THAT. |
| 318 | WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT? GIRLS DON'T LIKE IT |
| 319 | WHEN I START TALKING ABOUT SCIENCE. |
| 320 | THAT'S NOT SPECIFIC TO GIRLS. |
| 321 | THIS IS GREAT, THIS IS GREAT! |
| 322 | WHAT-WHAT ELSE, WHAT ELSE? |
| 323 | UH... OH, THEY DON'T LIKE IT WHEN YOU CORRECT THEIR GRAMMAR. |
| 324 | AND THEY DON'T LIKE IT WHEN YOU EXPLAIN WHY YOUR JOKES ARE FUNNY. |
| 325 | YOU KNOW, THEY DON'T LIKE IT WHEN YOU KEEP ASKING THEM |
| 326 | IF THEY LIKE YOU. |
| 327 | MAN, I AM SO LUCKY I HAVE MONICA. |
| 328 | I'M NEVER GOING TO FIND LOVE AGAIN. |
| 329 | HEY. PHOEBE, CAN I TALK TO YOU FOR A SECOND? |
| 330 | SURE. |
| 331 | OKAY, UM, I... ALL RIGHT, PHOEBE, LOOK-- |
| 332 | I JUST WANTED TO SAY THAT I'M SORRY, OKAY? |
| 333 | I HANDLED THE SITUATION HORRIBLY |
| 334 | AND-AND I SHOULD NOT HAVE LIED TO YOU. |
| 335 | SO, WHAT SHOULD YOU HAVE DONE? |
| 336 | WELL, I-I SHOULD HAVE TOLD YOU THE TRUTH. |
| 337 | UH-HUH... |
| 338 | WHICH IS? |
| 339 | WELL, YOU KNOW... |
| 340 | THE REASON THAT I DIDN'T WANT TO GO RUNNING WITH YOU IS |
| 341 | BECAUSE, UH, WELL, YOU KNOW, THE WAY THAT YOU RUN |
| 342 | IS JUST A LITTLE... |
| 343 | SO? WELL, IT'S EMBARRASSING. |
| 344 | PEOPLE WERE LOOKING AT US LIKE WE WERE CRAZY. |
| 345 | WHY DO YOU CARE? |
| 346 | BECAUSE THEY'RE PEOPLE. |
| 347 | BUT PEOPLE THAT YOU DON'T KNOW AND WILL NEVER SEE AGAIN. |
| 348 | YES, BUT STILL, THEY ARE PEOPLE... |
| 349 | WITH EYES. |
| 350 | WELL, I DIDN'T GET EMBARRASSED RUNNING NEXT TO MISS... |
| 351 | ( panting ) |
| 352 | BUT, OH, OKAY. |
| 353 | NO, NO, I CAN SEE WHY RUNNING WITH ME |
| 354 | WOULD BE EMBARRASSING TO YOU. |
| 355 | YEAH, OKAY. |
| 356 | YOU'RE UPTIGHT. |
| 357 | WH...! |
| 358 | I... LIS... I AM NOT UPTIGHT... |
| 359 | ( laughing ): NO... |
| 360 | LISTEN, I AM NOT... |
| 361 | UPTIGHT, MAN. |
| 362 | THAT'S OKAY, RACHEL. |
| 363 | I'M NOT JUDGING YOU. |
| 364 | THAT'S JUST WHO YOU ARE. |
| 365 | ME, I'M MORE FREE, YOU KNOW? |
| 366 | I RUN LIKE I DID WHEN I WAS A KID |
| 367 | BECAUSE IT'S THE ONLY WAY IT'S FUN, YOU KNOW? |
| 368 | I MEAN, DIDN'T YOU EVER RUN SO FAST |
| 369 | YOU THOUGHT YOUR LEGS WERE GOING TO FALL OFF? |
| 370 | YOU KNOW, LIKE WHEN YOU WERE RUNNING TOWARD THE SWINGS |
| 371 | OR-OR RUNNING AWAY FROM SATAN? |
| 372 | THE NEIGHBORS' DOG. |
| 373 | OH. |
| 374 | OKAY, IS THIS LAMP IN THE RIGHT PLACE? |
| 375 | WHO CARES? I REPEL WOMEN. |
| 376 | NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO! YOU CAN'T COME IN HERE. |
| 377 | R-R-ROSS IS NAKED! |
| 378 | WHAT?! |
| 379 | WHAT?! |
| 380 | I COULDN'T SAY THAT I WAS NAKED |
| 381 | BECAUSE SHE'S ALLOWED TO SEE ME NAKED. |
| 382 | WHY DOES ANYONE HAVE TO BE NAKED? |
| 383 | WHY IS ROSS NAKED? |
| 384 | I... I HAD TO... SHOW CHANDLER SOMETHING. |
| 385 | NAKED? |
| 386 | YEAH, I-I, UH... |
| 387 | I GUESS I HAVE A, UH... |
| 388 | A GUY PROBLEM. |
| 389 | IS IT THE SAME THING THAT CHANDLER HAD? |
| 390 | LOOK, UH, JUST-JUST COME BACK LATER. |
| 391 | WE'LL GET EVERYTHING SQUARED AWAY |
| 392 | AND YOU CAN COME BACK LATER. OKAY. |
| 393 | HEY, LISTEN, THERE'S STILL SOME OF CHANDLER'S MEDICINE LEFT |
| 394 | UNDER THE SINK IN THE BATHROOM. BYE. |
| 395 | BYE-BYE. |
| 396 | THANK GOD. |
| 397 | DUDE, WHAT'D YOU HAVE? |
| 398 | LOOK, WE HAVE NO TIME, OKAY? |
| 399 | WE MUST FOCUS. WE GOT TO GET EVERYTHING BACK |
| 400 | INTO ITS ORIGINAL PLACE. THE PHOTO ALBUM. |
| 401 | THERE WERE MILLIONS OF PICTURES OF THE APARTMENT IN THE PHOTO ALBUM. |
| 402 | WE JUST GO THROUGH IT AND MATCH EVERYTHING TO THE PICTURES. |
| 403 | THAT'S PERFECT. |
| 404 | THAT'S BRILLIANT. |
| 405 | SO, REALLY, WHAT'D YOU HAVE? |
| 406 | HEY, JOEY, I GOT SOME BEER FOR YOU. |
| 407 | UH, DON'T-DON'T YOU MEAN, "FOR WHOM"? |
| 408 | SURE. |
| 409 | LISTEN, I WAS GOING TO ORDER SOME PIZZA. |
| 410 | YOU WANT TO SHARE ONE? |
| 411 | PIZZA? HA! IT'S NOT LIKE I'VE NEVER HAD THAT BEFORE. |
| 412 | BA-DUM-BUMP. CHSSH. |
| 413 | IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG? |
| 414 | ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. |
| 415 | LET'S JUST GET THIS OUT IN THE OPEN, OKAY? |
| 416 | YOU'RE HOT. |
| 417 | I'M LOVABLE. |
| 418 | CLEARLY, THERE'S A VIBE GOING ON BETWEEN US |
| 419 | BUT WE'RE ROOMMATES |
| 420 | AND IT'S A HUGE MISTAKE FOR US TO CONTINUE DOWN THIS ROAD. |
| 421 | JOEY... NO, NO, NO, I'M TELLING YOU. |
| 422 | IMAGINE YOURSELF LIVING IN A SUPERMARKET |
| 423 | AND YOU WILL UNDERSTAND. |
| 424 | OKAY, SO THE QUESTION IS, WHAT DO WE DO? |
| 425 | WELL, I DON'T THINK THERE IS ANYTHING TO DO. |
| 426 | I MEAN, I THINK YOU'RE REALLY SWEET |
| 427 | BUT I'M JUST NOT INTERESTED IN YOU LIKE THAT. |
| 428 | OH! NO, I MEAN... |
| 429 | ( sighing ): YOU'RE A REALLY NICE GUY |
| 430 | AND I'M HAPPY TO BE YOUR ROOMMATE |
| 431 | AND YOUR FRIEND. I'M JUST... |
| 432 | YOU KNOW, I JUST DON'T FEEL THAT WAY ABOUT YOU. |
| 433 | OH... I SEE WHAT HAPPENED. ( laughing ) |
| 434 | IT'S BECAUSE I WAS TRYING TO REPEL YOU, RIGHT? |
| 435 | BELIEVE ME, YOU'D FEEL A LOT DIFFERENT IF I TURNED IT ON. |
| 436 | I DON'T THINK SO. OH, I DO. |
| 437 | HOW YOU DOIN'? |
| 438 | I'M OKAY. |
| 439 | WHAT? |
| 440 | WHAT? |
| 441 | OH, DEAR GOD! |
| 442 | ( panting ) |
| 443 | ( both screaming ) |
| 444 | HEY! HEY! |
| 445 | PHEEBS! |
| 446 | OH, HONEY, I'M SO SORRY. |
| 447 | YOU WERE RIGHT-- THIS FEELS GREAT! |
| 448 | SEE? AND YOU DON'T CARE IF PEOPLE ARE STARING. |
| 449 | IT'S JUST FOR A SECOND, 'CAUSE THEN YOU'RE GONE! |
| 450 | GONE! |
| 451 | I MEAN, IT'S AMAZING, PHEEBS! |
| 452 | I FEEL SO FREE, AND SO GRACEFUL... |
| 453 | AAH! |
| 454 | HEY! LOOK OUT FOR THE HORSE. |
| 455 | SORRY. |
| 456 | IS IT OKAY FOR ME TO COME IN NOW? |
| 457 | UH-HUH. |
| 458 | WHY IS EVERYTHING DIFFERENT? |
| 459 | BYE. |
| 460 | NO, I DON'T SEE ANYTHING DIFFERENT |
| 461 | OTHER THAN THE FACT THAT THE ROOM GOT SO MUCH BRIGHTER |
| 462 | WHEN YOU CAME INTO IT. |
| 463 | ( forced laugh ) |
| 464 | WELL, THE END TABLE IS WRONG AND THE COUCH LOOKS BIZARRE |
| 465 | AND DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THE REFRIGERATOR MAGNETS. |
| 466 | OKAY, LOOK, DON'T... DON'T BE MAD, OKAY? |
| 467 | BUT AFTER I UNPACKED THE BOXES |
| 468 | I WANTED TO DO SOMETHING NICE FOR YOU |
| 469 | SO I-I-I CLEANED THE APARTMENT. |
| 470 | SO I MOVED EVERYTHING AROUND |
| 471 | AND THEN I-I FORGOT WHERE IT... WHERE IT WENT BACK. |
| 472 | AND I'M SORRY. I'M VERY SORRY, I'M SORRY, I'M SORRY. |
| 473 | THAT'S OKAY. |
| 474 | CHANDLER, ARE YOU AFRAID OF ME OR SOMETHING? |
| 475 | DO YOU WANT ME TO BE AFRAID OF YOU? |
| 476 | OF COURSE NOT. |
| 477 | OH, MY GOSH, CHANDLER, WHAT YOU DID-- |
| 478 | IT'S-IT'S SUCH A WONDERFUL THING AND I REALLY APPRECIATE IT. |
| 479 | I KNOW I HAVE THIS WEIRD THING |
| 480 | WHERE I WANT EVERYTHING TO BE IN THE PERFECT PLACE |
| 481 | BUT I WOULD NEVER EXPECT YOU TO WORRY ABOUT THAT. |
| 482 | REALLY? |
| 483 | OF COURSE. |
| 484 | OH, WELL, YOU'RE THE BEST. |
| 485 | YOU COME HERE TO ME. |
| 486 | ALL RIGHT, HOLD ON, OKAY? |
| 487 | FIRST THINGS FIRST. |
| 488 | OKAY, NOW... |
| 489 | DID ROSS SIT ANYWHERE WHILE HE WAS NAKED? |
| 490 | SO IT'S SAID THAT BY THE YEAR 2030 |
| 491 | THERE'LL BE COMPUTERS THAT CAN CARRY OUT |
| 492 | THE SAME NUMBER OF FUNCTIONS AS AN ACTUAL HUMAN BRAIN. |
| 493 | SO THEORETICALLY, YOU CAN DOWNLOAD |
| 494 | YOUR THOUGHTS AND YOUR MEMORIES |
| 495 | INTO THIS COMPUTER... |
| 496 | AND LIVE FOREVER AS A MACHINE! |
| 497 | UH, SO, JANINE, YOU-YOU-YOU KNOW WHAT... |
| 498 | YOU KNOW WHAT WE'RE DOING RIGHT NOW? |
| 499 | YOU AND I, WE'RE-WE'RE INTERFACING. |
| 500 | YEAH. I GOT TO GO. |
| 501 | BA-DUM-BUMP. CHSSH. |
| 502 | |
| 1 | ( knocking on door ) |
| 2 | HEY. HI. MY NAME'S CHANDLER. |
| 3 | I JUST MOVED IN NEXT DOOR |
| 4 | AND I WAS WONDERING IF YOU'D BE INTERESTED IN BATTLING ME |
| 5 | IN A POST-APOCALYPTIC WORLD FOR CONTROL |
| 6 | OF THE GALAXY'S LAST REMAINING ENERGY SOURCE? |
| 7 | SURE, NEIGHBOR. |
| 8 | COME ON IN. |
| 9 | SO, IS JANINE AROUND? |
| 10 | UH, NO, SHE'S AT DANCE CLASS. |
| 11 | CAN I SEE WHAT SHE DID WITH MY ROOM? |
| 12 | YEAH, BUT, HEY, DON'T GO THROUGH HER STUFF. |
| 13 | SHE GETS REALLY MAD. |
| 14 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 15 | WHAT IS THI... |
| 16 | IT'S LIKE A GUY NEVER LIVED IN HERE. |
| 17 | LOOK, YOU GOT TO BE CAREFUL. |
| 18 | THIS GIRL THING IS DANGEROUS. |
| 19 | IT'S SPREADING ALREADY. |
| 20 | IT IS? |
| 21 | YES, IS THIS YOUR PRETTY PINK PILLOW |
| 22 | ON THE COUCH? |
| 23 | NO. |
| 24 | IS THAT YOUR TINY LITTLE BOX |
| 25 | THAT'S TOO SMALL TO PUT ANYTHING IN? |
| 26 | NO. |
| 27 | NO. OKAY, THIS IS NOT GOOD. |
| 28 | YOU ARE A GUY, OKAY? |
| 29 | THIS IS A GUY'S PLACE. |
| 30 | IF YOU LET THIS GO, YOU'LL BE SITTING AROUND |
| 31 | WITH YOUR FINGERS SOAKING IN STUFF. |
| 32 | ALL RIGHT, YOU'RE RIGHT. |
| 33 | I'LL-I'LL-I'LL TALK TO HER. |
| 34 | YES, TALK TO HER-- BE A MAN. |
| 35 | I'M A MAN. DEFEND YOURSELF. |
| 36 | ( grunts ) |
| 37 | CHANDLER, COME ON. |
| 38 | WE HAVE TO HEM THE NEW DUST RUFFLE. |
| 39 | BE RIGHT THERE, SWEETUMS. |
| 40 | OKAY. |
| 41 | A TOTALLY DIFFERENT SITUATION. |
| 42 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 43 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 44 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 45 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 46 | ♪ WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY, YOUR WEEK ♪ |
| 47 | ♪ YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 48 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 49 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME, TOO. ♪ |
| 50 | HEY, GUYS. |
| 51 | HEY, HOW WAS YOUR BREAKFAST WITH HILLARY? IT WAS OKAY. |
| 52 | SHE'S STILL KINDA DEPRESSED |
| 53 | BECAUSE SHE BROKE UP WITH HER BOYFRIEND. |
| 54 | WELL, IS THIS HILLARY YOUR HOT ASSISTANT CHEF HILLARY? |
| 55 | YEAH. |
| 56 | THE ONE THAT ALWAYS STARES AT ME |
| 57 | WHEN I COME IN? |
| 58 | NO, THE ONE WHO LOOKED AT YOU ONCE |
| 59 | BECAUSE YOU GOT IN HER WAY. |
| 60 | STILL, I COULD TELL SHE WAS INTO ME. |
| 61 | WELL, WHY DON'T YOU SET US UP? |
| 62 | OOH, ARE YOU SETTING ROSS UP WITH SOMEONE? |
| 63 | DOES SHE HAVE A WEDDING DRESS? |
| 64 | HEY. HEY. |
| 65 | RACHEL? YEAH? |
| 66 | LISTEN, I'M, UM, MAKING UP FLYERS |
| 67 | TRYING TO GET NEW MASSAGE CLIENTS. |
| 68 | SO, CAN I COME TO BLOOMINGDALE'S AND USE THE COPY MACHINE? |
| 69 | WELL, SURE, BUT THEY MIGHT THINK IT'S KIND OF WEIRD |
| 70 | CONSIDERING I DON'T WORK THERE ANYMORE. |
| 71 | OH, MY GOD! |
| 72 | WHAT HAPPENED? |
| 73 | I-I GOT A JOB AT RALPH LAUREN. |
| 74 | WELL, THAT'S GREAT! |
| 75 | CONGRATULATIONS! |
| 76 | WOW! |
| 77 | ( chuckling ): A YEAR AGO. |
| 78 | YOU'VE LASTED A WHOLE YEAR. |
| 79 | GOOD FOR YOU. |
| 80 | OH. |
| 81 | ( chuckles ) |
| 82 | BUT, PHEEBS, YOU-YOU CAN STILL USE |
| 83 | THE COPY MACHINE WHERE I ACTUALLY WORK. |
| 84 | BUT JUST COME BY AT LUNCH |
| 85 | SO THAT MY BOSS DOESN'T SEE YOU |
| 86 | 'CAUSE KIM WILL JUST FREAK OUT |
| 87 | AND SHE ALREADY DOESN'T LIKE ME VERY MUCH. |
| 88 | I DON'T THINK MY BOSS LIKES ME, EITHER. |
| 89 | I DON'T THINK MINE LIKES ME, EITHER. |
| 90 | MAYBE IT'S A UNIVERSAL THING. |
| 91 | OR MAYBE... IT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE ALL HANGING AROUND HERE |
| 92 | AT 11:30 ON A WEDNESDAY. |
| 93 | YEAH, LET'S HEAD OFF TO WORK. WE SHOULD GO. |
| 94 | THANK YOU. |
| 95 | SURE. |
| 96 | NOW, YOU WILL NOT BELIEVE THIS |
| 97 | BUT I WAS IN THE COPY ROOM, MAKING COPIES |
| 98 | AND RALPH LAUREN CAME IN. |
| 99 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 100 | DID YOU TALK TO HIM? |
| 101 | YEAH, A LITTLE. |
| 102 | HE SEEMS REALLY NICE. |
| 103 | GOOD KISSER. |
| 104 | WHAT? |
| 105 | WHAT? |
| 106 | YOU KISSED HIM? TOTALLY. |
| 107 | ( gasps ) |
| 108 | PHOEBE, ARE YOU SERIOUS? |
| 109 | YEAH. I WAS JUST IN THERE. |
| 110 | HE CAME IN, HE INTRODUCED HIMSELF |
| 111 | AND, THEN, NEXT THING I KNOW, |
| 112 | WE'RE MAKING OUT, YOU KNOW. |
| 113 | PHOEBE, I MEAN, YOU DO KNOW HE'S MARRIED? |
| 114 | NO. PHOEBE... |
| 115 | WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO-- ASK EVERY GUY I MAKE OUT WITH |
| 116 | IF HE'S MARRIED? |
| 117 | NO, YEAH, I SHOULD, I SHOULD. |
| 118 | HEY, JOEY. |
| 119 | HEY. |
| 120 | UH, CAN I TALK TO YOU |
| 121 | FOR A SECOND? |
| 122 | THIS, UH, KID IN THIS PICTURE. |
| 123 | DO YOU, UH, YOU KNOW THIS KID? |
| 124 | IS THAT LIKE A RELATIVE OR SOMETHING? |
| 125 | NO, I JUST THOUGHT IT WAS CUTE. |
| 126 | YEAH, THAT'S WHAT I WAS AFRAID OF. |
| 127 | OKAY, UH... LOOK, JANINE, |
| 128 | I REALLY WANT YOU TO FEEL AT HOME HERE |
| 129 | BUT SOME OF THIS NEW STUFF, IT'S JUST... IT'S TOO GIRLIE. |
| 130 | OH. |
| 131 | LIKE WHAT? |
| 132 | LIKE THIS-- |
| 133 | PICTURES OF CUTE BABIES WE DON'T KNOW. |
| 134 | WE-WE CAN'T HAVE THAT. |
| 135 | JOEY, IT'S ANNE GEDDES. |
| 136 | SHE'S A FAMOUS ARTIST. |
| 137 | LOOK, I DON'T KNOW THIS BABY. |
| 138 | I DON'T KNOW IF SHE'S A FAMOUS ARTIST OR NOT |
| 139 | YOU KNOW, AND... |
| 140 | I DON'T WANT TO BE A JERK |
| 141 | BUT YOU'RE-YOU'RE CHANGING TOO MUCH AROUND HERE. |
| 142 | WELL, I'M SORRY, I JUST THOUGHT I'D TRY |
| 143 | AND MAKE THE PLACE A LITTLE NICER. |
| 144 | YEAH, BUT IT'S-IT'S TOO MUCH STUFF. |
| 145 | YOU KNOW, LIKE YOU GOT THE CANDLES |
| 146 | AND THE FOOFY SCHMOOFER THING HERE |
| 147 | AND, THEN, OVER HERE |
| 148 | YOU GOT A PICTURE OF A WATERING CAN. |
| 149 | WELL, I JUST THOUGHT... |
| 150 | I'M SURE IT'S A FAMOUS WATERING CAN, OKAY, |
| 151 | BUT, COME ON... |
| 152 | AND WHAT IS WITH THE REALLY HOT STICK |
| 153 | IN THE BATHROOM? |
| 154 | IT'S A CURLING IRON. |
| 155 | OH. |
| 156 | WELL-WELL, THAT'S OKAY, THEN... |
| 157 | BUT, OKAY, MY TOWELS FOR INSTANCE, OKAY. |
| 158 | I COME INTO THE BATHROOM HERE |
| 159 | AND MY TOWEL IS NOT ON THE FLOOR WHERE I KEEP IT. |
| 160 | IT'S UP HERE, ON SOME HOOK |
| 161 | AND... SMELLS DIFFERENT. |
| 162 | IT'S CLEAN. |
| 163 | YEAH, WELL, IT FEELS DIFFERENT. |
| 164 | IT'S DRY. |
| 165 | ALL RIGHT, I CAN MAKE MY PEACE WITH THE CLEAN, DRY TOWELS... |
| 166 | AND, OKAY, ALSO WHAT IS WITH THESE CHIPS YOU BOUGHT? |
| 167 | NO, NO, NO. IT'S POTPOURRI. |
| 168 | YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO SMELL IT. |
| 169 | ( voice cracking ): WELL, THAT'S LIKE SUMMER IN A BOWL. |
| 170 | OH. |
| 171 | KIM, HI. |
| 172 | UH-HUH. |
| 173 | ( clears throat ) |
| 174 | SO, YOU KNOW, I-I-I HANDED IN THAT MARKETING REPORT |
| 175 | AND I... AND I NEVER GOT TO HEAR WHAT YOU THOUGHT. |
| 176 | I DIDN'T READ IT. |
| 177 | AH. |
| 178 | ( sighs ) |
| 179 | SO, WOW, THE SPRING LINE-- |
| 180 | IT'S REALLY GOING TO BE GREAT THIS YEAR, HUH? |
| 181 | YEAH. |
| 182 | ( sighs ) |
| 183 | SO, I HEAR, UH, RALPH LAUREN FOOLED AROUND |
| 184 | WITH SOMEONE IN THE COPY ROOM. |
| 185 | TELL ME EVERYTHING. |
| 186 | HEY, GUYS. |
| 187 | HEY. |
| 188 | WHAT'S UP? |
| 189 | YOU KNOW... |
| 190 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 191 | WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR TEETH? |
| 192 | I WHITENED THEM. |
| 193 | REALLY? |
| 194 | YEAH. |
| 195 | WH-WHAT DO YOU THINK? |
| 196 | WELL, I THINK I SHOULDN'T LOOK DIRECTLY AT THEM. |
| 197 | COME ON, SERIOUSLY. |
| 198 | ROSS, THEY'RE REALLY, REALLY, REALLY WHITE. |
| 199 | YEAH, WHAT WAS WRONG WITH YOUR OLD... HUMAN TEETH? |
| 200 | OH, I-I DID LEAVE THE GEL ON A LITTLE LONGER THAN IT SAID TO. |
| 201 | HOW MUCH LONGER? |
| 202 | A-A-A DAY. |
| 203 | ROSS, YOU KNOW THAT TONIGHT IS YOUR DATE WITH HILLARY? |
| 204 | I KNOW. THAT'S WHY I DID IT. |
| 205 | COME ON, ARE THEY REALLY THAT BAD? |
| 206 | NO. NO, NO, NO, YOU'LL-YOU'LL BE FINE. |
| 207 | HILLARY'S BLIND, RIGHT? |
| 208 | SHE WILL BE AFTER TONIGHT. |
| 209 | YEAH. |
| 210 | OH, HEY, HEY, RACHE, UH |
| 211 | DO YOU NOTICE ANYTHING... |
| 212 | YEAH, YOUR TEETH? YES, I SAW THEM FROM OUTSIDE. |
| 213 | YOU GUYS ARE NEVER GOING TO BELIEVE THIS |
| 214 | BUT PHOEBE... MADE OUT... |
| 215 | WITH RALPH LAUREN. |
| 216 | WHAT? OH, MY GOD. |
| 217 | YEAH, I KNOW. SHE RAN INTO HIM AT MY OFFICE |
| 218 | AND THEY JUST... MADE OUT |
| 219 | AND THE CRAZIEST THING IS NOW MY BOSS LIKES ME |
| 220 | BECAUSE I TOLD HER ABOUT IT AND SHE SAID IT WAS |
| 221 | THE BEST GOSSIP SHE'D HEARD ALL YEAR. |
| 222 | I AM PROUD OF ALL MY FRIENDS TODAY. |
| 223 | MY GOD, RACHEL, I CAN'T BELIEVE |
| 224 | PHOEBE MADE OUT WITH RALPH LAUREN. |
| 225 | OH, I'M SO JEALOUS. |
| 226 | HI, I'M CHANDLER, YOUR LIVE-IN BOYFRIEND. |
| 227 | CHANDLER, PLEASE, COME ON. |
| 228 | LOOK AT HIM. |
| 229 | OH, I AM NO WOMAN, BUT THAT IS ONE TASTY DISH. |
| 230 | HEY. |
| 231 | HERE. |
| 232 | OOH, WHO'S THE SILVER FOX? |
| 233 | THAT-THAT IS YOUR MAKE-OUT BUDDY. |
| 234 | DON'T YOU RECOGNIZE HIM? |
| 235 | OH, WAIT. |
| 236 | OOH, PHOEBE, I LOVE YOU. |
| 237 | KISS ME, PLEASE. |
| 238 | THAT'S NOT RALPH LAUREN. |
| 239 | SOUNDS LIKE HIM, THOUGH. |
| 240 | WHAT? |
| 241 | YEAH, NO, RALPH'S... |
| 242 | DOESN'T LOOK ANYTHING LIKE THAT GUY. |
| 243 | HE'S-HE'S YOUNG |
| 244 | AND HE'S GOT LONG HAIR AND A BEARD AND A HACKY SACK. |
| 245 | OH, MY GOD, PHOEBE, THAT'S NOT RALPH LAUREN. |
| 246 | THAT'S KENNY THE COPY GUY. |
| 247 | WHAT? |
| 248 | OH, G... OH... AND I TOLD MY BOSS |
| 249 | THAT SOMEONE MADE OUT WITH RALPH LAUREN. |
| 250 | IF SHE FINDS OUT THAT I LIED TO HER |
| 251 | SHE IS GOING TO HATE ME EVEN MORE. |
| 252 | PHOEBE! |
| 253 | WHY WOULD THE COPY GUY |
| 254 | SAY THAT HE'S RALPH LAUREN? |
| 255 | TO GET YOU TO MAKE OUT WITH HIM. |
| 256 | OH. |
| 257 | OKAY, MAYBE THIS WILL MAKE |
| 258 | YOUR TEETH LOOK LESS WHITE. |
| 259 | NOPE. NOPE. |
| 260 | OKAY, SO, UH, COLORS THAT DON'T WORK ARE |
| 261 | BLUE, YELLOW, GREEN, RED |
| 262 | BLACK, WHITE, ORANGE AND PURPLE. |
| 263 | I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M GOING TO DO. |
| 264 | THE DATE STARTS IN, LIKE, AN HOUR. |
| 265 | HEY, ROSS, MAYBE IF YOUR SKIN WAS LIGHTER |
| 266 | YOUR TEETH WOULDN'T LOOK SO BRIGHT. |
| 267 | OH, GREAT. |
| 268 | SO, I ALL NEED TO DO IS GET SOME NEW SKIN. |
| 269 | THANK YOU. |
| 270 | I'M JUST SAYING IF WE PUT |
| 271 | JUST A LITTLE BIT OF MAKEUP ON YOU... |
| 272 | WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. |
| 273 | WE'RE NOT 13 ANYMORE. |
| 274 | ROSS, THIS IS THE ONLY THING LEFT |
| 275 | THAT HAS A SHOT AT WORKING. |
| 276 | BUT WON'T SHE NOTICE I HAVE MAKEUP ON? |
| 277 | PLEASE, HALF THE GUYS OUT THERE HAVE MAKEUP ON. |
| 278 | WHAT? |
| 279 | ALL RIGHT, HALF THE PEOPLE. |
| 280 | I MEAN... WILL YOU JUST TRY IT AND SEE? |
| 281 | NO, I AM NOT PUTTING ON MAKE-UP. |
| 282 | ( knocking at door ) |
| 283 | HELLO? OH, GOOD. |
| 284 | ROSS, COULD YOU PUT UP SOME OF THESE FLYERS FOR ME? |
| 285 | NO! DEMON! DEMON! |
| 286 | NOW OUR DRAWERS WILL SMELL NICE |
| 287 | AND WE DIDN'T WASTE THESE PANTYHOSE. |
| 288 | YES, GOD FORBID WE THROW OUT OLD UNDERWEAR. |
| 289 | YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 290 | I'M-I'M GOING TO... I'M GOING TO GO OVER TO JOEY'S. |
| 291 | WE'RE SUPPOSE TO ORGANIZE THE WRAPPING-PAPER DRAWER. |
| 292 | YES, BUT I FEEL LIKE I'VE REALLY GOTTEN IN TOUCH |
| 293 | WITH MY FEMININE SIDE ENOUGH TODAY, YOU KNOW. |
| 294 | IN FACT, I THINK WE'RE TWO SACHETS |
| 295 | AWAY FROM BECOMING A LESBIAN COUPLE. |
| 296 | YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 297 | THIS HAS BEEN KIND OF A GIRLIE DAY. |
| 298 | YOU'RE RIGHT. I'M SORRY. |
| 299 | NAH, NAH, THAT'S OKAY. |
| 300 | I-I FEEL LIKE I NEED TO BE IN A GUY PLACE... |
| 301 | YOU KNOW, DO KIND OF, LIKE, A MAN THING. |
| 302 | YEAH. GO OVER TO JOEY'S. |
| 303 | GO OVER TO JOEY'S AND-AND DRINK SOME BEER |
| 304 | AND HAMMER UP SOME DRYWALL. |
| 305 | YOU KNOW, WHEN GUYS HANG OUT |
| 306 | THEY DON'T JUST DRINK BEER AND HAMMER UP DRYWALL. |
| 307 | WHEN GIRLS HANG OUT, WE DON'T HAVE PILLOW FIGHTS |
| 308 | IN OUR UNDERWEAR. |
| 309 | I'M SORRY. |
| 310 | WE DO. |
| 311 | WE DO. |
| 312 | I DON'T KNOW WHY I SAID THAT. |
| 313 | HEY, CHANDLER. |
| 314 | COME ON IN. |
| 315 | WE'RE KNITTING POT HOLDERS. |
| 316 | NO THANKS, JOSEPHINE. |
| 317 | ( door shuts ) |
| 318 | HEY, ROSS, I WAS WONDERING IF... |
| 319 | OH, MY GOD! |
| 320 | WHERE ARE ALL THE MEN? |
| 321 | ( door closes ) |
| 322 | OH, HI, KIM. |
| 323 | HI, RACHEL. |
| 324 | REMEMBER THAT THING I TOLD YOU |
| 325 | THAT HAPPENED YESTERDAY? |
| 326 | WELL, IT DIDN'T HAPPEN. |
| 327 | YOU DIDN'T CANCEL THE FABRIC ORDER FROM TAIWAN? |
| 328 | OKAY, TWO THINGS DIDN'T HAPPEN. |
| 329 | BUT, NO, REMEMBER I TOLD YOU THAT SOMEONE MADE OUT WITH |
| 330 | RALPH LAUREN IN THE COPY ROOM? |
| 331 | WELL, IT TURNS OUT THAT'S NOT TRUE. |
| 332 | THAT'S NOT TRUE? |
| 333 | NO. OH, THAT'S INTERESTING |
| 334 | BECAUSE I CHECKED. |
| 335 | AND ONLY ONE KEY CARD WAS USED |
| 336 | TO ACCESS THE COPY MACHINE YESTERDAY DURING LUNCH |
| 337 | AND THAT KEY CARD BELONGED TO YOU, RACHEL. |
| 338 | OH, NO. NO, NO, NO, NO. |
| 339 | OH, GOD, YOU THINK I MADE OUT WITH HIM? |
| 340 | LISTEN TO ME. |
| 341 | IF YOU THINK SLEEPING WITH RALPH |
| 342 | IS GOING TO GET YOU MY JOB, YOU ARE SADLY MISTAKEN. |
| 343 | I DON'T WANT YOUR JOB. I DON'T! |
| 344 | THIS IS SUCH A MISTAKE. |
| 345 | I DID NOT MAKE OUT WITH HIM. |
| 346 | NOBODY MADE OUT WITH HIM. |
| 347 | I DID NOT USE MY KEY CARD YESTERDAY. |
| 348 | I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE MY KEY CARD. |
| 349 | HI, RALPH. |
| 350 | HI, KIM. |
| 351 | YEAH, NOTHING HAPPENED. |
| 352 | YOU COULD CUT THE SEXUAL TENSION IN HERE WITH A KNIFE. |
| 353 | AND AFTER THAT, WHAT COULD I DO EXCEPT BECOME A CHEF. |
| 354 | MM-HMM. |
| 355 | AND SOMEDAY SOON, I HOPE TO OPEN MY OWN RESTAURANT. |
| 356 | MMM. |
| 357 | YOU KNOW, YOU'RE A REALLY GREAT LISTENER. |
| 358 | MOST GUYS I GO OUT WITH, THEY JUST TALK AND TALK. |
| 359 | MM-HMM. |
| 360 | AFTER A WHILE, IT'S JUST, LIKE, SHUT YOUR MOUTH, YOU KNOW? |
| 361 | ( stifled chuckle): HMM-HMM! |
| 362 | I'VE PROBABLY BEEN TALKING TOO MUCH. |
| 363 | WHY DON'T WE TALK ABOUT YOU A LITTLE BIT? |
| 364 | MM-MMM. |
| 365 | COME ON, I WANT TO KNOW. |
| 366 | HMM-HMM-HMM. |
| 367 | OKAY. |
| 368 | I, UM, I'M FROM LONG ISLAND. |
| 369 | I CAME TO THE CITY FOR COLLEGE. |
| 370 | UM, I, UH, I HAVE A FIVE-YEAR-OLD SON. |
| 371 | AND IN MY SPARE TIME |
| 372 | I LIKE TO READ SPY NOVELS |
| 373 | BUT LET'S TALK MORE ABOUT YOU, HMM? |
| 374 | SO WHAT'S REALLY NEAT IS |
| 375 | IF YOU SEAR THE STEMS OF THE FLOWERS FIRST |
| 376 | IN A FRYING PAN, |
| 377 | YOU'RE ARRANGEMENT WILL LOOK FRESH MUCH LONGER. |
| 378 | OH, MY GOD, JOEY, THAT IS SUCH A GREAT TIP. |
| 379 | MONICA, CAN YOU EXCUSE US FOR A SECOND? |
| 380 | I NEED TO TALK TO THE GIRL WITH THE FLOWERS. |
| 381 | OKAY. |
| 382 | OH, JOEY, COME OVER LATER 'CAUSE I'M GOING TO TEACH YOU |
| 383 | HOW TO MAKE A BIRD FEEDER OUT OF JUST A PINECONE |
| 384 | AND SOME PEANUT BUTTER. |
| 385 | OH... I LOVE BIRDS. |
| 386 | WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU? |
| 387 | WHAT? |
| 388 | YOU'RE ARRANGING FLOWERS! |
| 389 | YOU GOT DEAD FLOWERS! |
| 390 | YOU GOT TO A PICTURE OF A BABY DRESSED LIKE FLOWERS! |
| 391 | THIS IS NOT JOEY. |
| 392 | HEY, HEY, LOOK, I AM STILL JOEY, OKAY? |
| 393 | FLOWERS, THEY'RE JUST |
| 394 | YOU KNOW, THEY'RE NICE TO LOOK AT. |
| 395 | AND THAT HAPPENS TO BE A PICTURE BY A FAMOUS ARTIST |
| 396 | OF A FAMOUS BABY. |
| 397 | YOU'RE TURNING INTO A WOMAN. |
| 398 | NO, I'M NOT. |
| 399 | WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT? |
| 400 | THAT'S JUST MEAN. |
| 401 | NOW I'VE UPSET YOU? |
| 402 | WHAT DID I SAY? |
| 403 | IT'S NOT WHAT YOU SAID |
| 404 | IT'S JUST THE WAY YOU SAID IT. |
| 405 | OH, MY GOD! |
| 406 | I'M A WOMAN! |
| 407 | SO NOW SHE THINKS THAT I MADE OUT WITH HIM |
| 408 | AND THAT I DID IT TO GET HER JOB. |
| 409 | WELL, WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST TELL HER THE TRUTH? |
| 410 | I DID. |
| 411 | BUT SHE DOESN'T THINK THAT ANYONE WOULD BE STUPID ENOUGH |
| 412 | TO CONFUSE KENNY THE COPY GUY WITH RALPH LAUREN. |
| 413 | WELL, HEY, WHAT IF KENNY WERE THE REAL BRAINS |
| 414 | BEHIND THE WHOLE COMPANY, YOU KNOW? |
| 415 | WHAT IF KENNY HIRED THAT RALPH LAUREN GUY |
| 416 | TO BE THE PRETTY FRONT MAN, HUH? |
| 417 | DID SHE EVER THINK OF THAT? |
| 418 | YOU WERE WITH KENNY TODAY, WEREN'T YOU? |
| 419 | JUST FOR A SECOND. |
| 420 | OH... PHOEBE, WHAT AM I GOING TO DO? |
| 421 | WELL, THE ONLY THING YOU CAN DO. |
| 422 | SLEEP WITH RALPH LAUREN. |
| 423 | I'M NOT GOING TO SLEEP WITH RALPH LAUREN. |
| 424 | I MEAN, I COULD, BUT I WOULDN'T. |
| 425 | OH, SLEEP WITH KENNY. |
| 426 | THAT WOULDN'T HELP ME. |
| 427 | OH, YES, IT WOULD. |
| 428 | I'VE HAD A REALLY GOOD TIME TONIGHT. MMM. |
| 429 | YOU KNOW, I RARELY CONNECT WITH SOMEONE |
| 430 | THIS MUCH ON THE FIRST DATE. |
| 431 | HMM-MM, HMM-MM. |
| 432 | ME, NEITHER. |
| 433 | I'VE HAD A REALLY GOOD TIME, TOO, YOU KNOW. |
| 434 | ARE YOU GOING TO EAT THAT BREAD? |
| 435 | OH, I-I-I JUST LIKE THE SMELL. |
| 436 | ( sniffs )...MMM. |
| 437 | YOU MAKE ME LAUGH. |
| 438 | HM-MMM. |
| 439 | WOULD YOU LIKE TO MOVE OVER TO THE COUCH? |
| 440 | MM-HMM. |
| 441 | MAYBE I'LL JUST TURN DOWN THE LIGHTS A LITTLE. |
| 442 | HOW ABOUT ALL THE WAY? |
| 443 | OKAY. |
| 444 | WOW, COOL POSTER. |
| 445 | OR, SHOULD I SAY GROOVY POSTER? |
| 446 | SO, UH, WHERE WERE WE? |
| 447 | ARE THOSE YOUR TEETH? |
| 448 | OH, YOU CAN SEE THEM, HUH? |
| 449 | YES. THEY'RE INSANELY WHITE. |
| 450 | YEAH, I DID THAT FOR YOU. |
| 451 | WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU? |
| 452 | WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH ME? |
| 453 | YOU'VE GOT A BLACK LIGHT! |
| 454 | IT'S 1999! |
| 455 | OH, GOOD. |
| 456 | KIM, HI. |
| 457 | HI, RACHEL. |
| 458 | OH, I'VE BEEN MEANING TO ASK YOU. |
| 459 | HAVE YOU SEEN THE NEW RALPH LAUREN SHEETS? |
| 460 | WHAT AM I THINKING? OF COURSE YOU HAVE. |
| 461 | OKAY-- OKAY, LOOK. |
| 462 | I'M SORRY THAT I LIED TO YOU BEFORE. |
| 463 | YOU WERE RIGHT. |
| 464 | RALPH AND I WERE AN ITEM, BUT WE'RE NOT ANYMORE. |
| 465 | OH, REALLY? |
| 466 | YEAH. HE DUMPED ME. |
| 467 | HE SAID, "RACHEL, I CAN'T DO THIS. |
| 468 | "EVEN THOUGH YOU'RE A VERY, |
| 469 | "VERY, VERY BEAUTIFUL WOMAN |
| 470 | "I CAN'T DO THIS. |
| 471 | I'M MARRIED AND I'M SORRY." |
| 472 | AND THEN-- I DON'T KNOW WHY-- |
| 473 | BUT HE SAID, "AND YOU WILL NEVER GET PROMOTED |
| 474 | "ESPECIALLY NOT ABOVE KIM, WHO IS AN INTEGRAL COG |
| 475 | IN THE RALPH LAUREN MACHINE." |
| 476 | YOU EXPECT ME TO BELIEVE THAT... |
| 477 | HI, RALPH. |
| 478 | HI, KIM. |
| 479 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 480 | HE JUST GAVE YOU THE COLDEST LOOK I HAVE EVER SEEN. |
| 481 | IT'S LIKE HE HATES YOU. |
| 482 | THEN IT IS TRUE? |
| 483 | OF COURSE IT'S TRUE. |
| 484 | AND IT HURTS SO BAD. |
| 485 | OH, HONEY, COME HERE. OH, IT'LL BE OKAY. |
| 486 | IT'S JUST WE'VE ALL BEEN THERE. |
| 487 | Y-Y-Y-YOU AND RALPH? |
| 488 | KENNY THE COPY BOY. |
| 489 | HEY! |
| 490 | HEY, UH... |
| 491 | I NEED TO TALK TO YOU. |
| 492 | WHAT'S THE MATTER? |
| 493 | ARE YOU UPSET? |
| 494 | I'M SORRY, BUT WE GOT TO GET RID |
| 495 | OF ALL THIS GIRLIE STUFF IN HERE. |
| 496 | I, UH, I GOT TO BE A MAN. |
| 497 | OKAY? |
| 498 | THE LIVING ROOM HAS TO REMAIN A GUY PLACE, OKAY? |
| 499 | THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT HAS TO BE. |
| 500 | WELL, IF THAT'S WHAT YOU WANT, I'LL JUST PUT IT ALL IN MY ROOM. |
| 501 | GOOD. GREAT... GREAT. |
| 502 | AND, UH, THANKS FOR BEING SO UNDERSTANDING. |
| 503 | I MEAN, I DIDN'T WANT TO MAKE A BIG DEAL OUT OF THIS, YOU KNOW. |
| 504 | WELL, BUT YOU COULD, UH, PUT THE PICTURE |
| 505 | OF THE FAMOUS BABY IN MY ROOM. |
| 506 | I MEAN, IF YOU WANT TO. |
| 507 | OKAY. |
| 508 | AND, UH, MAYBE THE WATERING CAN THERE. |
| 509 | SURE. |
| 510 | AND A COUPLE OF THESE LITTLE TINY BOXES. |
| 511 | JOEY, DO YOU WANT ME TO PUT IT ALL IN YOUR ROOM? |
| 512 | OKAY. |
| 513 | |
| 1 | OKAY, GREAT. BYE. |
| 2 | HEY. SO, GUESS WHO'S COMING TO THANKSGIVING DINNER? |
| 3 | SIDNEY POITIER. |
| 4 | ( laughing ) |
| 5 | I MISS RACHEL. |
| 6 | NO, MY PARENTS. OH, THAT'S GREAT. |
| 7 | THEY HAVEN'T SEEN THE PLACE SINCE I MOVED IN. |
| 8 | YEAH, AND YOU KNOW IF YOU COULD NOT MENTION TO THEM |
| 9 | THAT WE LIVE TOGETHER, THAT WOULD BE GREAT. |
| 10 | I WAS THINKING WE'D EAT AROUND 4:00. |
| 11 | WHY CAN'T I TELL THEM THAT WE LIVE TOGETHER? |
| 12 | BECAUSE THEY DON'T KNOW WE'RE DATING. |
| 13 | DO YOU THINK WE SHOULD EAT IN THE KITCHEN? |
| 14 | WHY HAVEN'T YOU TOLD THEM? |
| 15 | UM, WELL, I WAS GOING TO, I WAS REALLY WAS |
| 16 | BUT, UM, THEN, SOMEWHERE, JUST OUT OF NOWHERE, I DIDN'T. |
| 17 | WHY HAVEN'T YOU TOLD THEM? |
| 18 | WOULDN'T THEY BE HAPPY? |
| 19 | SO DINNER IN THE KITCHEN AROUND 4:00. |
| 20 | I'LL SEE YOU THEN. |
| 21 | WHY WOULDN'T THEY BE HAPPY? |
| 22 | WELL, UH, BECAUSE... |
| 23 | MAINLY, UH... |
| 24 | THEY DON'T LIKE YOU. |
| 25 | I'M SORRY. |
| 26 | WHAT? WHAT? WHY? |
| 27 | MAYBE BECAUSE YOU USED TO BE ALOOF, OR THAT YOU'RE |
| 28 | REALLY SARCASTIC, OR THAT, YOU KNOW |
| 29 | YOU JOKE AROUND ALL THE TIME |
| 30 | OR THAT YOU TAKE OFF YOUR CLOTHES |
| 31 | AND YOU THROW THEM ON THE COUCH. |
| 32 | IS THIS WHY THEY DON'T LIKE ME OR WHY YOU DON'T LIKE ME? |
| 33 | LOOK, I KNOW THAT I SHOULD HAVE TOLD THEM. |
| 34 | I KNOW I SHOULDN'T CARE WHAT THEY THINK. I'M SORRY. |
| 35 | YOU KNOW WHAT? IT'LL BE OKAY, IT'LL BE OKAY |
| 36 | BECAUSE WHEN THEY COME OVER, I WILL BE ALL CHARMING. |
| 37 | I WILL MAKE THEM FALL IN LOVE WITH ME |
| 38 | AND THEN WE'LL TELL THEM. |
| 39 | YOU REALLY THINK THAT'LL WORK? |
| 40 | HEY, I CAN BE PRETTY CHARMING, BABE. |
| 41 | WON YOU OVER, DIDN'T I? |
| 42 | I DON'T THINK YOU'LL EVER GET MY PARENTS THAT DRUNK. |
| 43 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 44 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 45 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 46 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 47 | ♪ WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY, YOUR WEEK ♪ |
| 48 | ♪ YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 49 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 50 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME, TOO. ♪ |
| 51 | HEY. OH, GOOD. ROSS, |
| 52 | YOUR PARENTS LIKE ME, RIGHT? |
| 53 | YES, OF COURSE THEY LIKE YOU. |
| 54 | WELL, MONICA JUST TOLD ME THAT THEY DON'T. |
| 55 | YEAH, THEY DON'T LIKE YOU. |
| 56 | DO YOU KNOW WHY? |
| 57 | I DON'T KNOW. MAYBE IT'S 'CAUSE YOU'RE REALLY SARCASTIC |
| 58 | OR, I DON'T KNOW, MAYBE IT'S 'CAUSE... |
| 59 | WELL, IF PEOPLE DON'T KNOW |
| 60 | THEY SHOULDN'T JUST GUESS. |
| 61 | THIS IS GREAT. ANOTHER THANKSGIVING |
| 62 | WITH NOTHING TO GIVE THANKS FOR. |
| 63 | MAYBE I GIVE THANKS FOR YOU SHUTTING UP, HUH? |
| 64 | MAYBE I GIVE THANKS |
| 65 | BY TAKING MY PLAYSTATION OVER TO MY NEW APARTMENT. |
| 66 | WELL, MAYBE I LOVE YOU. |
| 67 | ( sarcastic mimicking ) |
| 68 | HI. HI. |
| 69 | HEY, GUYS. |
| 70 | NO, I DON'T WANT TO PLAY VIDEO GAMES, JOE. |
| 71 | ARE YOU GUYS GOING TO CHANDLER'S FOR THANKSGIVING? |
| 72 | YEAH, YEAH, WHY? WHAT'S UP? |
| 73 | WELL, ME AND MY DANCER FRIENDS |
| 74 | ARE THINKING OF DOING THANKSGIVING UPTOWN. |
| 75 | I THOUGHT YOU GUYS MIGHT LIKE TO COME. |
| 76 | FOR REAL? |
| 77 | YOU SHOULD GO TO CHANDLER'S |
| 78 | BECAUSE NONE OF US KNOWS HOW TO COOK. |
| 79 | WE'LL PROBABLY JUST END UP DRINKING ALL DAY. |
| 80 | YEAH. WE GO TO YOURS, YEAH. |
| 81 | YEAH. SEE, WE HAVE TO STOP ACROSS THE HALL |
| 82 | 'CAUSE IT'S MY SISTER, BUT YOU KNOW, ACTUALLY |
| 83 | GROWING UP WITH A SISTER WAS NICE |
| 84 | BECAUSE IT REALLY HELPED ME UNDERSTAND WOMEN. |
| 85 | YOU SHOULD TELL YOUR FRIENDS THAT. |
| 86 | OKAY. |
| 87 | HOW YOU GOT THREE WOMEN TO MARRY YOU, I'LL NEVER KNOW. |
| 88 | HEY. |
| 89 | HEY, PHEEBS, CHECK IT OUT. |
| 90 | YEAH. FOR MY DESSERT |
| 91 | I HAVE CHOSEN TO MAKE A TRADITIONAL ENGLISH TRIFLE. |
| 92 | WOW, THAT SOUNDS GREAT. |
| 93 | AND WHAT ARE YOU MAKING, MONICA, YOU KNOW |
| 94 | IN CASE RACHEL'S DESSERT IS SO GOOD THAT I EAT ALL OF IT. |
| 95 | THERE'S NONE LEFT FOR ANYBODY ELSE. |
| 96 | NOTHING. |
| 97 | NOTHING? |
| 98 | YEAH, SWEETIE, I TRUST YOU. |
| 99 | SO IF I MESS THIS UP, THERE'S NOTHING ELSE FOR DESSERT? |
| 100 | YOU'RE NOT GOING TO MESS IT UP. |
| 101 | WOW, MONICA, I LOVE THAT. |
| 102 | YOU REALLY HAVE FAITH IN ME. THANK YOU. |
| 103 | TECHNICAL QUESTION. |
| 104 | HOW DO YOU KNOW WHEN THE BUTTER IS DONE? |
| 105 | WELL, IT'S DONE ABOUT TWO MINUTES BEFORE IT LOOKS THAT. |
| 106 | HEY. HEY. |
| 107 | OH, THE FOOD SMELLS GREAT, MON. |
| 108 | YEAH, AND THE PLACE LOOKS SO NICE. |
| 109 | HEY, HAPPY THANKSGIVING, EVERYBODY. |
| 110 | HAPPY THANKSGIVING. |
| 111 | All: HAPPY THANKSGIVING. |
| 112 | WELL, THIS HAS BEEN GREAT. |
| 113 | SEE YA. |
| 114 | WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. |
| 115 | WHERE ARE YOU GOING? OH, WE DID SAY |
| 116 | WE'D STOP BY THIS LITTLE THING JOEY'S ROOMMATE IS HAVING. |
| 117 | OH, JANINE, THE REALLY HOT DANCER GIRL? |
| 118 | SOME WOULD SAY SHE'S ATTRACTIVE, YES. |
| 119 | AND WHO ELSE IS GOING TO BE THERE? |
| 120 | SOME OF HER FRIENDS. |
| 121 | HER DANCER FRIENDS? |
| 122 | YES, ALL RIGHT? |
| 123 | ALL OF HER HOT DANCER FRIENDS ARE GOING TO BE THERE |
| 124 | AND THEY'LL BE DRINKING AND DANCING |
| 125 | AND WE REALLY WANT TO GO. |
| 126 | DUDE, WE WERE GOOD. |
| 127 | YOU'RE NOT GOING TO GO ANYWHERE. |
| 128 | YOU SAID YOU WERE GOING TO EAT HERE AND YOU'RE GOING TO EAT HERE. |
| 129 | AND LEAVING US TO GO SEE HOT DANCER GIRLS |
| 130 | IS NOT VERY THANKSGIVING-Y. |
| 131 | OH, BUT IT IS. |
| 132 | IT'S JUST LIKE THE FIRST THANKSGIVING |
| 133 | WHEN THE INDIANS AND THE PILGRIMS SAT DOWN TO DINNER. |
| 134 | YEAH, YEAH, AND THEN THE INDIANS TAUGHT THE PILGRIMS |
| 135 | WHAT IT MEANT TO BE HOT IN THE NEW WORLD. |
| 136 | HI. HELLO, EVERYBODY. |
| 137 | HI. |
| 138 | HI, DAD. MOM. |
| 139 | LOOK... LOOK WHO IT IS. |
| 140 | IT'S CHANDLER. |
| 141 | OH, YES, OF COURSE. |
| 142 | HELLO, CHANDLER. |
| 143 | MR. AND MRS. GELLER, YOU LOOK WONDERFUL. |
| 144 | IT IS GREAT TO HAVE YOU HERE. |
| 145 | LET US TAKE OFF YOUR COATS. |
| 146 | WHOA, SNOWING OUT THERE? |
| 147 | NO. |
| 148 | MONICA, ALL THIS FOOD LOOKS WONDERFUL. |
| 149 | YOU SHOULD THINK ABOUT DOING THIS FOR A LIVING. |
| 150 | OKAY. I HAVE DANDRUFF. |
| 151 | THERE'S NO NEED TO LAUGH AND POINT. |
| 152 | DAD, CHANDLER WAS JUST LAUGHING AT YOUR JOKE. |
| 153 | MY JOKE WASN'T FUNNY. |
| 154 | RACH, RACH... YEAH. |
| 155 | I JUST REMEMBERED. I HAD A DREAM ABOUT MR. GELLER LAST NIGHT. |
| 156 | REALLY? YEAH. |
| 157 | I DREAMT THAT HE SAVED ME FROM A BURNING BUILDING |
| 158 | AND HE WAS SO BRAVE AND SO STRONG |
| 159 | AND IT'S MAKING ME LOOK AT HIM TOTALLY DIFFERENTLY. |
| 160 | YOU KNOW? |
| 161 | I MEAN, HE USED TO BE JUST, YOU KNOW |
| 162 | JACK GELLER, MONICA AND ROSS'S DAD |
| 163 | AND NOW HE'S JACK GELLER, DREAM HUNK. |
| 164 | Rachel: I DON'T KNOW. |
| 165 | YOU KNOW, TO ME, HE'LL ALWAYS BE JACK GELLER-- |
| 166 | WALKS IN WHILE YOU'RE CHANGING. |
| 167 | YOU KNOW, DAD, CHANDLER IS ONE |
| 168 | OF ROSS'S VERY BEST FRIENDS. |
| 169 | YOU KNOW, ROSS SURE IS A GREAT GUY. |
| 170 | YOU KNOW, I'VE ALWAYS FELT |
| 171 | THAT HOW A YOUNG MAN TURNS OUT IS A REFLECTION ON HIS FATHER. |
| 172 | I ALWAYS THOUGHT THAT, TOO. |
| 173 | TELL ME, WHAT DOES YOUR FATHER DO? |
| 174 | HE'S A HEADLINER OF A... |
| 175 | GAY BURLESQUE SHOW. |
| 176 | RACH, YOU'RE KILLING US HERE. |
| 177 | WILL YOU SERVE THE DESSERT ALREADY? |
| 178 | THERE'S DRUNKEN DANCERS AWAITING. |
| 179 | WELL, LOOK AT IT. ISN'T IT BEAUTIFUL? |
| 180 | YEAH, YEAH, WHAT IS IT? |
| 181 | IT'S A TRIFLE |
| 182 | AND IT'S GOT ALL OF THESE LAYERS. |
| 183 | FIRST, THERE'S A LAYER OF LADYFINGERS |
| 184 | THEN A LAYER OF JAM |
| 185 | THEN CUSTARD, WHICH I MADE FROM SCRATCH. |
| 186 | THEN RASPBERRIES |
| 187 | MORE LADYFINGERS |
| 188 | THEN BEEF SAUTEED WITH PEAS AND ONIONS |
| 189 | AND THEN A LITTLE BIT MORE CUSTARD, AND THEN BANANAS |
| 190 | AND THEN I JUST PUT SOME WHIPPED CREAM ON TOP. |
| 191 | WHAT WAS THE ONE RIGHT BEFORE BANANAS? |
| 192 | THE BEEF? YEAH, THAT WAS WEIRD TO ME, TOO, BUT, THEN, YOU KNOW |
| 193 | I THOUGHT, WELL, THERE'S MINCEMEAT PIE. |
| 194 | I MEAN, THAT'S AN ENGLISH DESSERT. |
| 195 | THESE PEOPLE JUST PUT |
| 196 | VERY STRANGE THINGS IN THEIR FOOD, YOU KNOW? |
| 197 | OH, BY THE WAY, CAN I BORROW SOME RUM FROM YOUR PLACE? |
| 198 | YEAH, SURE, YEAH. |
| 199 | AND WHILE I'M GONE, DON'T YOU BOYS SNEAK A TASTE. |
| 200 | RIGHT. OKAY. |
| 201 | BEEF IN A DESSERT? |
| 202 | THERE... NO, NO, NO. THERE IS NO WAY. |
| 203 | I KNOW, AND ONLY ONE LAYER OF JAM? |
| 204 | WHAT IS UP WITH THAT? |
| 205 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 206 | THE PAGES ARE STUCK TOGETHER. |
| 207 | CHANDLER! |
| 208 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 209 | SHE... SHE MADE HALF AN ENGLISH TRIFLE AND... |
| 210 | HALF A SHEPHERD'S PIE. |
| 211 | OH, MAN. |
| 212 | NOW SHE'S GOING TO START ALL OVER. |
| 213 | WE'RE NEVER GOING TO GET TO INTRODUCE |
| 214 | THE HOT GIRLS TO THE NEW WORLD. |
| 215 | NO, NO, WE WILL. |
| 216 | WE JUST WON'T TELL HER SHE MESSED UP. |
| 217 | JUST LET HER SERVE THE BEEF CUSTARD THING? |
| 218 | YEAH. |
| 219 | IT WILL BE LIKE A FUNNY THANKSGIVING STORY. |
| 220 | VOMITING STORIES ARE FUNNY, I GUESS. |
| 221 | JOEY, GOD, YOUR APARTMENT IS, LIKE, A HUNDRED DEGREES. |
| 222 | DID IT MAKE YOU WANT TO WALK AROUND IN YOUR UNDERWEAR? |
| 223 | NO. |
| 224 | STILL NOT HOT ENOUGH. |
| 225 | YEAH. RACHEL. |
| 226 | OKAY. LOOK AT HIM. |
| 227 | LOOK AT THOSE STRONG HANDS. |
| 228 | OH, WHAT I WOULDN'T GIVE TO BE THAT CAN OF CONDENSED MILK. |
| 229 | MOM, CHANDLER WAS JUST SAYING |
| 230 | HOW BEAUTIFUL YOUR SWEATER IS. |
| 231 | OH, THANK YOU, CHANDLER. I JUST BOUGHT IT. |
| 232 | OH, YES. WELL, IT'S VERY BEAUTIFUL. |
| 233 | IT'S CREAM-COLORED AND TIGHT, AND... |
| 234 | I DON'T MEAN TIGHT. |
| 235 | IT'S NOT TOO TIGHT. |
| 236 | NOT THAT I WAS LOOKING AT... |
| 237 | WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH HIM? |
| 238 | I THINK HE'S STONED AGAIN. |
| 239 | WHAT? |
| 240 | WHAT? |
| 241 | DUDE, I NEED TO TALK TO YOU A SEC. |
| 242 | OKAY. |
| 243 | I THINK I MIGHT KNOW WHY MY PARENTS DON'T LIKE YOU. |
| 244 | YOU DO? WHY? |
| 245 | OKAY, REMEMBER-- WE WERE YOUNG... |
| 246 | SPRING BREAK, SOPHOMORE YEAR. |
| 247 | I GOT HIGH IN MY BEDROOM |
| 248 | AND MY PARENTS WALKED IN AND SMELLED IT |
| 249 | AND SO I TOLD THEM |
| 250 | THAT YOU HAD GOTTEN STONED AND JUMPED OUT THE WINDOW. |
| 251 | WHAT? WHY DID YOU DO THAT? |
| 252 | I DON'T KNOW. |
| 253 | YOURS WAS THE FIRST NAME THAT POPPED INTO MY HEAD. |
| 254 | I'M SORRY. I DIDN'T THINK IT WOULD MATTER. |
| 255 | HOW COULD IT NOT MATTER? |
| 256 | WELL, HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW |
| 257 | WE'D END UP BEING FRIENDS AFTER COLLEGE |
| 258 | LET ALONE YOU'D BE LIVING WITH MY SISTER? |
| 259 | WHAT ABOUT ALL THAT "FRIENDS FOREVER" STUFF? |
| 260 | I DON'T KNOW. |
| 261 | I WAS ALL HIGH. |
| 262 | MOM AND DAD JUST SENT ME IN HERE TO FIND OUT |
| 263 | IF YOU WERE TRYING TO GET ROSS STONED. |
| 264 | YOUR PARENTS CAUGHT ROSS SMOKING POT IN COLLEGE |
| 265 | AND HE BLAMED IT ON ME. |
| 266 | ROSS, I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'D DO THAT. |
| 267 | THE REASON WE HAVEN'T TOLD THEM WE'RE TOGETHER |
| 268 | IS BECAUSE THEY HATE ME. |
| 269 | OKAY? SO, WILL YOU FIX THIS? |
| 270 | OKAY. OKAY. |
| 271 | I'LL TELL THEM IT WASN'T CHANDLER WHO GOT HIGH. |
| 272 | NOW, WHO SHOULD I SAY IT WAS? |
| 273 | YOU! |
| 274 | IT'S NOT LIKE IT WAS A BIG DEAL. |
| 275 | YOU DON'T STILL DO IT OR ANYTHING. |
| 276 | ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. |
| 277 | NOW, WHO SHOULD I SAY "TRICKED" ME INTO DOING IT? |
| 278 | DAD. |
| 279 | DAD, PLEASE DON'T PICK YOUR TEETH OUT HERE. |
| 280 | ALL RIGHT, AND IF YOU'RE GOING TO PUT YOUR FEET UP... |
| 281 | MONICA, LEAVE HIM ALONE! |
| 282 | WILL YOU HURRY UP! |
| 283 | DID YOU NOT HEAR ME BEFORE |
| 284 | WHEN I TOLD YOU THAT ALL OF JANINE'S FRIENDS ARE DANCERS, HUH? |
| 285 | AND THAT THEY'RE GOING TO BE DRINKING A LOT? |
| 286 | NO, I DID, BUT TELL ME AGAIN 'CAUSE IT'S SO ROMANTIC. |
| 287 | YOU'RE WHIPPING SO SLOW. CAN'T YOU DO IT ANY FASTER? |
| 288 | JOEY, COME ON. I DON'T WANT TO MAKE ANY MISTAKES, ALL RIGHT? |
| 289 | THIS IS THE ONLY DESSERT AND IF I SCREW IT UP |
| 290 | EVERYBODY'S GOING TO BE, LIKE |
| 291 | "OH, REMEMBER THAT THANKSGIVING |
| 292 | WHEN RACHEL SCREWED UP THE TRIFLE?" |
| 293 | OKAY? |
| 294 | SO WHY DON'T YOU JUST LET ME WORRY ABOUT MAKING THE TRIFLE |
| 295 | AND YOU JUST WORRY ABOUT EATING IT, ALL RIGHT? |
| 296 | OH, I AM. |
| 297 | ROSS, IF YOU DON'T TELL THEM, THEN I WILL. |
| 298 | OKAY, FINE. |
| 299 | ROSS, CAN I TALK TO YOU FOR A SECOND? |
| 300 | OH, UH, CAN'T IT WAIT A SECOND, JOEY? |
| 301 | I HAVE TO TELL MY PARENTS SOMETHING. |
| 302 | NO, IT CAN'T? OKAY. |
| 303 | OKAY, LOOK, I THINK WE HAVE TO TELL RACHEL |
| 304 | SHE MESSED UP HER DESSERT. |
| 305 | WHAT? WHAT IS WITH EVERYBODY? |
| 306 | IT'S THANKSGIVING, NOT TRUTH DAY. |
| 307 | LOOK, WHEN EVERYONE EATS THAT BANANA MEAT THING |
| 308 | THEY'RE ALL GOING TO MAKE FUN OF HER. |
| 309 | DO YOU WANT THAT? |
| 310 | OKAY, OKAY, WE'LL JUST GET EVERYONE |
| 311 | TO ACT LIKE THEY LIKE IT. |
| 312 | THAT WAY, NO ONE MAKES FUN OF HER |
| 313 | AND WE STILL GET TO GO TO SWEET POTATO PIE. |
| 314 | DUDE, THEY'RE NOT OBJECTS. |
| 315 | JUST KIDDING. I'LL TALK TO THEM. |
| 316 | YOU DISTRACT HER. |
| 317 | HEY, RACH, CAN I TALK TO YOU OUTSIDE FOR A SEC? |
| 318 | OKAY. |
| 319 | WHAT'S UP, ROSS? |
| 320 | SO, UM... |
| 321 | THANKSGIVING. |
| 322 | THE HOLIDAY SEASON IS UPON US, HMM? |
| 323 | YEAH. |
| 324 | AND, UM, YOU LOOK NICE TODAY. |
| 325 | OH, NO. |
| 326 | NO, ROSS. DON'T DO THIS. |
| 327 | WHAT? |
| 328 | I JUST... I DON'T THINK |
| 329 | US GETTING BACK TOGETHER IS A GOOD IDEA. |
| 330 | HUH? |
| 331 | I THOUGHT THIS MIGHT HAPPEN TODAY. ROSS... |
| 332 | I KNOW THE HOLIDAYS CAN BE ROUGH, YOU KNOW? |
| 333 | AND IT'S PROBABLY REALLY HARD FOR YOU TO BE ALONE RIGHT NOW. |
| 334 | YOU'RE ALONE. |
| 335 | NO, I-I LIVE WITH PHOEBE. |
| 336 | I MEAN, YOU'RE ALONE ALONE. |
| 337 | YOU KNOW? AND I JUST... |
| 338 | IT'S JUST NOT THE TIME FOR US. |
| 339 | I'M SORRY. |
| 340 | OH, WELL. CAN'T BLAME A GUY FOR TRYING. |
| 341 | SO... |
| 342 | ( stutters ) |
| 343 | OKAY... |
| 344 | AND, UH, IF ANYONE NEEDS HELP |
| 345 | PRETENDING TO LIKE IT |
| 346 | I LEARNED SOME THINGS IN ACTING CLASS. |
| 347 | TRY RUBBING YOUR STOMACH. |
| 348 | OR, UH... |
| 349 | OR SAYING "MMM." |
| 350 | AND, UH, OOH, OHH-- SMILING. |
| 351 | OKAY. |
| 352 | I'M NOT GOING TO PAY FOR THOSE ACTING CLASSES ANYMORE. |
| 353 | Joey: RACHEL, THERE YOU ARE. |
| 354 | COME ON. LET'S SERVE THAT DESSERT ALREADY. |
| 355 | JOEY, YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO STOP RUSHING ME. |
| 356 | YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU DON'T GET ANY DESSERT. |
| 357 | REALLY? |
| 358 | NO, I'M JUST KIDDING. |
| 359 | I WOULD NEVER DO THAT TO YOU. |
| 360 | OKAY, EVERYBODY, IT'S TRIFLE TIME. |
| 361 | SO, NOW, RACH... |
| 362 | THIS IS A TRADITIONAL ENGLISH TRIFLE, ISN'T IT? |
| 363 | IT SURE IS. |
| 364 | WOW. SO, THEN, DID YOU MAKE IT WITH BEEF OR EGGPLANT? |
| 365 | BEEF. |
| 366 | I CAN'T HAVE ANY, YOU KNOW? |
| 367 | I DON'T EAT BEEF. |
| 368 | ( all groaning and sighing ) |
| 369 | ALL RIGHT, MONICA |
| 370 | I WANT YOU TO HAVE THE FIRST TASTE. |
| 371 | REALLY? |
| 372 | OH, WAIT-WAIT! |
| 373 | YOU ONLY GOT WHIPPED CREAM IN THERE. |
| 374 | YOU'VE GOT TO TAKE A BITE |
| 375 | WITH ALL THE LAYERS. |
| 376 | OKAY. |
| 377 | OOPS, YOU DROPPED A PEA. |
| 378 | WELL? |
| 379 | MMM... |
| 380 | IT'S GOOD. |
| 381 | REALLY? HOW GOOD? |
| 382 | IT'S SO GOOD THAT I FEEL REALLY SELFISH |
| 383 | BEING THE ONLY ONE WHO'S EATING IT. |
| 384 | AND I THINK WE SHOULD HAVE EVERYONE TASTE HOW GOOD IT IS. |
| 385 | ESPECIALLY ROSS. |
| 386 | MM-HMM. |
| 387 | All: MMM... |
| 388 | YEAH, THIS IS SO GOOD |
| 389 | THAT I'M GOING TO GO ENJOY IT ON THE BALCONY. |
| 390 | SO I CAN ENJOY THE VIEW WHILST I ENJOY MY DESSERT. |
| 391 | AND I'M GOING TO CALL MY FRIEND, MARY |
| 392 | AND TELL HER HOW GOOD THIS IS FROM MONICA'S ROOM. |
| 393 | I'LL HELP YOU DIAL. |
| 394 | AND I'M GOING TO GO INTO THE BATHROOM |
| 395 | SO I CAN LOOK AT IT IN THE MIRROR AS I EAT IT. |
| 396 | OKAY, NOW, WHAT WAS THAT ALL ABOUT? |
| 397 | IS IT... DOES IT NOT TASTE GOOD? |
| 398 | LET ME TRY THAT. |
| 399 | NO! NO! |
| 400 | ALL GONE. |
| 401 | SO GOOD. |
| 402 | MAYBE CHANDLER HAS SOME LEFT. |
| 403 | IT TASTES LIKE FEET. |
| 404 | I LIKE IT. |
| 405 | ARE YOU KIDDING? |
| 406 | WHAT'S NOT TO LIKE? |
| 407 | CUSTARD? GOOD. |
| 408 | JAM? GOOD. |
| 409 | MEAT? GOOD! |
| 410 | SO A BIRD JUST GRABBED IT AND THEN... |
| 411 | AND THEN TRIED TO FLY AWAY WITH IT AND... |
| 412 | AND THEN JUST DROPPED IT ON THE STREET? |
| 413 | YES, BUT IF IT'S ANY CONSOLATION |
| 414 | BEFORE THE BIRD DROPPED IT, HE SEEMED TO ENJOY IT. |
| 415 | RACHEL, COME HERE. |
| 416 | OKAY... |
| 417 | I WAS JUST STARTING TO TAKE MY THANKSGIVING NAP |
| 418 | AND I HAD ANOTHER DREAM ABOUT JACK. |
| 419 | UH, PHOEBE, DO I WANT TO HEAR THIS? |
| 420 | I DON'T KNOW. LET'S SEE. |
| 421 | SO... OKAY, I DREAMT |
| 422 | THAT WE WERE GOING TO GET MARRIED |
| 423 | AND HE LEFT BECAUSE HE HAD TO GO FIGHT A FIRE. |
| 424 | AND, UM, SO, OKAY, I WENT TO A NIGHTCLUB |
| 425 | AND I SAW HIM MAKING OUT WITH A GIRL. |
| 426 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 427 | HE DREAM-CHEATED ON YOU. |
| 428 | YEAH. BUT THEN JACQUES COUSTEAU CAME |
| 429 | AND HE KICKED HIS ASS FOR BETRAYING ME. |
| 430 | HE WAS SO COOL. |
| 431 | AND THEN, HE TOOK ME DIVING |
| 432 | AND HE INTRODUCED ME TO HIS PET SEA HORSE |
| 433 | WHO, BY THE WAY, WAS TOTALLY COMING ON TO ME |
| 434 | AND PLEASE, THAT IS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. |
| 435 | BOY, I'M GLAD I WORE THE BIG BELT TODAY. |
| 436 | WOW. |
| 437 | FIVE MINUTES AGO, A LINE LIKE THAT WOULD HAVE FLOORED ME. |
| 438 | NOW NOTHING. WELL, NOT NOTHING. |
| 439 | I AM STILL A WOMAN. |
| 440 | ROSS... |
| 441 | LET'S GO. |
| 442 | OH, YEAH, ABOUT TELLING MOM AND DAD |
| 443 | I WAS THINKING ABOUT MAYBE WRITING A LETTER. |
| 444 | YOU KNOW WHAT? THAT'S IT. |
| 445 | YOU'VE HAD YOUR CHANCE. |
| 446 | MOM, DAD, ROSS SMOKED POT IN COLLEGE. |
| 447 | WHAT? WHAT? |
| 448 | YOU ARE SUCH A TATTLETALE! |
| 449 | MOM, DAD... |
| 450 | YOU REMEMBER THAT... |
| 451 | THAT TIME YOU WALKED IN MY ROOM AND SMELLED MARIJUANA? |
| 452 | YES. YES. |
| 453 | WELL, I TOLD YOU IT WAS CHANDLER |
| 454 | WHO WAS SMOKING THE POT, BUT... |
| 455 | IT WAS ME. |
| 456 | I'M SORRY. |
| 457 | IT WAS YOU? |
| 458 | Monica: AND DAD |
| 459 | YOU KNOW THAT MAILMAN THAT YOU GOT FIRED? |
| 460 | HE DIDN'T STEAL YOUR PLAYBOYS. |
| 461 | ROSS DID. |
| 462 | OH... |
| 463 | YEAH, WELL, HURRICANE GLORIA DIDN'T BREAK THE PORCH SWING. |
| 464 | MONICA DID! |
| 465 | ROSS HASN'T WORKED AT THE MUSEUM FOR A YEAR! |
| 466 | MONICA AND CHANDLER ARE LIVING TOGETHER! |
| 467 | ROSS MARRIED RACHEL IN VEGAS AND GOT DIVORCED AGAIN! |
| 468 | I LOVE JACQUES COUSTEAU! |
| 469 | I WASN'T SUPPOSED TO PUT BEEF IN THE TRIFLE! |
| 470 | I WANT TO GO! |
| 471 | THAT'S A LOT OF INFORMATION TO GET IN 30 SECONDS. |
| 472 | ALL RIGHT |
| 473 | JOEY, IF YOU WANT TO LEAVE, JUST LEAVE. |
| 474 | RACHEL, NO, YOU WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO PUT BEEF IN THE TRIFLE. |
| 475 | IT DID NOT TASTE GOOD. |
| 476 | PHOEBE, I'M SORRY, BUT I THINK JACQUES COUSTEAU IS DEAD. |
| 477 | MONICA... |
| 478 | WHY YOU FELT |
| 479 | YOU HAD TO HIDE THE FACT |
| 480 | THAT YOU ARE IN AN IMPORTANT RELATIONSHIP IS BEYOND ME. |
| 481 | AND WE KIND OF FIGURED ABOUT THE PORCH SWING. |
| 482 | ROSS... |
| 483 | DRUGS, DIVORCED... AGAIN. |
| 484 | WHAT HAPPENED, SON? |
| 485 | I... I, UH, I GOT TRICKED INTO ALL THOSE THINGS. |
| 486 | CHANDLER, YOU'VE BEEN ROSS'S BEST FRIEND ALL THESE YEARS |
| 487 | STUCK BY HIM DURING THE DRUG PROBLEMS. |
| 488 | AND NOW YOU'VE TAKEN ON MONICA AS WELL. |
| 489 | WELL, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY. |
| 490 | YOU'RE A WONDERFUL HUMAN BEING. |
| 491 | THANK YOU. |
| 492 | NO! |
| 493 | THANK YOU. |
| 494 | AND MONICA AND ROSS |
| 495 | I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M GOING TO DO ABOUT THE TWO OF YOU. |
| 496 | I'LL TALK TO THEM. |
| 497 | YOU GUYS, IT WAS BANANAS |
| 498 | CREAM AND BEEF. |
| 499 | I JUST CANNOT BELIEVE THAT YOU ATE THAT |
| 500 | SO THAT I WOULDN'T FEEL BAD. |
| 501 | ACTUALLY, I DIDN'T EAT MINE. |
| 502 | IT'S STILL IN THE BATHROOM. |
| 503 | NO, IT ISN'T. I ATE THAT. |
| 504 | AND WE LEFT OURS IN MONICA'S BEDROOM. |
| 505 | NO. GOT IT AND GOT YOURS, TOO. |
| 506 | |
| 1 | WHY IS EVERYBODY USING |
| 2 | THESE TINY LITTLE LIGHTS NOWADAYS? |
| 3 | I REMEMBER WHEN PEOPLE USED TO USE BIG LIGHTS. |
| 4 | THAT'S A GOOD STORY, GRANDPA. |
| 5 | HEY. |
| 6 | All: HEY. |
| 7 | WOW. |
| 8 | MONICA'S LETTING OTHER PEOPLE HELP DECORATE HER TREE. |
| 9 | DID SOMEONE GET HER DRUNK AGAIN? |
| 10 | HAVING A PERFECTLY DECORATED TREE |
| 11 | IS NOT WHAT CHRISTMAS IS ABOUT. |
| 12 | IT'S ABOUT BEING WITH THE PEOPLE YOU LOVE. |
| 13 | THAT IS NICE |
| 14 | AND WE'RE DONE, TA-DA! |
| 15 | Chandler: I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS. |
| 16 | IT JUST DOESN'T QUITE FEEL LIKE CHRISTMAS TO ME. |
| 17 | OH, YEAH. |
| 18 | NOW IT FEELS LIKE CHRISTMAS. |
| 19 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 20 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 21 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 22 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 23 | ♪ WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY, YOUR WEEK ♪ |
| 24 | ♪ YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 25 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 26 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME, TOO. ♪ |
| 27 | AND THAT'S THE STORY OF THE DREIDEL. |
| 28 | NOW, SOME PEOPLE TRACE THE CHRISTMAS TREE |
| 29 | BACK TO THE EGYPTIANS |
| 30 | WHO USED TO BRING GREEN PALM BRANCHES |
| 31 | INTO THEIR HUTS ON THE SHORTEST DAY OF THE YEAR |
| 32 | SYMBOLIZING LIFE'S TRIUMPH OVER DEATH |
| 33 | AND THAT WAS, LIKE, 4,000 YEARS AGO. |
| 34 | SO PRETTY MUCH AROUND THE SAME TIME |
| 35 | YOU STARTED TELLING THIS STORY. |
| 36 | HEY, YOU GUYS. |
| 37 | HEY, JOE, WHAT'S UP? |
| 38 | I HAD TO GET OUT OF THE APARTMENT. |
| 39 | JANINE IS, LIKE, STRETCHING ALL OVER THE PLACE. |
| 40 | EVERYWHERE I LOOK, SHE'S, LIKE... |
| 41 | I CAN SEE WHY THAT'S HARD TO RESIST. |
| 42 | I LIKE HER SO MUCH! |
| 43 | I'M SORRY, SWEETIE |
| 44 | THAT SHE DOESN'T FEEL THE SAME WAY. |
| 45 | SHE'S SO SWEET. |
| 46 | I JUST WANT TO FEED HER GRAPES AND BRUSH HER HAIR. |
| 47 | YOU ARE AWARE THAT SHE'S NOT A MONKEY, RIGHT? |
| 48 | I AM SO OVER JANINE. |
| 49 | I MEAN... |
| 50 | AT FIRST, I THOUGHT SHE WAS HOT |
| 51 | BUT NOW, SHE'S LIKE, OLD NEWS. |
| 52 | HI, GUYS. |
| 53 | JANINE! |
| 54 | COFFEE TO GO, PLEASE. |
| 55 | I JUST GOT A CALL TO BE A DANCER |
| 56 | ON A TELEVISION SPECIAL FOR NEW YEAR'S EVE. |
| 57 | IT'S CALLED SOME SORT OF "DICKIN' ROCKIN' DICKIE EVE." |
| 58 | HOLD IT. |
| 59 | ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT |
| 60 | DICK CLARK'S NEW YEAR'S ROCKIN' EVE? |
| 61 | YEAH. THAT'S WHAT I SAID. |
| 62 | OH, MY GOD! |
| 63 | WE LOVE THAT SHOW. |
| 64 | ROSS AND I HAVE BEEN WATCHING IT |
| 65 | SINCE I CAN REMEMBER. |
| 66 | YOU'RE STILL JUST A LITTLE FAT GIRL INSIDE |
| 67 | AREN'T YOU? |
| 68 | I'LL BE ON IT THIS YEAR. |
| 69 | I'LL BE ONE OF THE PARTY PEOPLE. |
| 70 | YOU'RE GOING TO BE A PARTY PERSON?! |
| 71 | THOSE GUYS ROCK THE MOST! |
| 72 | THEY SAID I SHOULD BRING SOMEONE. |
| 73 | DO YOU WANT TO BE MY DANCE PARTNER? |
| 74 | TOTALLY! |
| 75 | I WOULD LOVE TO SPEND NEW YEAR'S WITH YOU. |
| 76 | ACTUALLY, THEY'RE TAPING TOMORROW. |
| 77 | I DON'T REALLY UNDERSTAND WHY. |
| 78 | HOW IT WORKS IS |
| 79 | THE PART WITH DICK CLARK IN TIMES SQUARE |
| 80 | IS ACTUALLY LIVE |
| 81 | BUT THEY TAPE SOME OF THE PARTY STUFF AHEAD OF TIME. |
| 82 | NOT A LOT OF PEOPLE KNOW THAT. |
| 83 | DO YOU GUYS WANT TO COME, TOO? |
| 84 | ARE YOU SERIOUS? |
| 85 | WE ARE THERE. |
| 86 | ( laughing ) |
| 87 | WHAT ARE YOU LAUGHING AT? |
| 88 | WELL, I USED TO DATE HIM |
| 89 | BUT YOU'RE STILL GOING OUT WITH HER. |
| 90 | OH, THANKS. |
| 91 | GREAT. SO WE CAN ALL GO TOGETHER. |
| 92 | WELL, I'LL CATCH YOU LATER. |
| 93 | BYE, JANINE. |
| 94 | DID SHE JUST ASK ME OUT ON A DATE? |
| 95 | I DON'T THINK SO. |
| 96 | SHE JUST INVITED HIM TO |
| 97 | THE BIGGEST PARTY OF THE MILLENNIUM. |
| 98 | YEAH, BUT SHE ALSO INVITED YOU AND ROSS. |
| 99 | HONEY, I'M SORRY |
| 100 | BUT I DON'T THINK THAT WAS A ROMANTIC THING. |
| 101 | I KNOW HOW I CAN FIND OUT. |
| 102 | WE'RE GOING TO A NEW YEAR'S EVE PARTY, RIGHT? |
| 103 | AT MIDNIGHT, I CAN KISS HER. |
| 104 | IF SHE KISSES ME BACK, GREAT. |
| 105 | BUT IF SHE SAYS, "DUDE, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?" |
| 106 | I CAN SAY, "IT WASN'T ME; IT WAS NEW YEAR'S." |
| 107 | THAT'S A LOT BETTER THAN ROSS TRYING TO KISS ME IN HIGH SCHOOL |
| 108 | AND SAYING THAT HE DID IT BECAUSE HE NEEDED CHAPSTICK. |
| 109 | IT WAS A DRY DAY. |
| 110 | WE ARE GOING TO |
| 111 | DICK CLARK'S NEW YEAR'S ROCKIN' EVE! |
| 112 | OH, MY GOD! |
| 113 | OH, MY GOD! |
| 114 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 115 | OKAY, NOW LISTEN UP. |
| 116 | I'VE BEEN ON SETS BEFORE. |
| 117 | LET ME GIVE YOU A LITTLE ADVICE. |
| 118 | IT'S A SHOW, BUT WE'RE JUST DANCING. |
| 119 | IT'S NO BIG DEAL. |
| 120 | THE IMPORTANT THING TO REMEMBER: |
| 121 | STAY COOL. |
| 122 | GOT IT. |
| 123 | OH, MY GOD, IT'S JUST LIKE I DREAMED IT! |
| 124 | OKAY, EVERYONE, GATHER UP. |
| 125 | Monica: EXCUSE US. |
| 126 | EXCUSE US. |
| 127 | HERE'S WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN. |
| 128 | THE MUSIC WILL START, YOU'LL DANCE. |
| 129 | WE'LL TAPE YOU; DON'T LOOK AT THE CAMERA. |
| 130 | ANY QUESTIONS? |
| 131 | YEAH, I HAVE A QUESTION. |
| 132 | WHEN IS THIS GOING TO AIR? |
| 133 | YEAH. |
| 134 | NOW, YOU GUYS, DANCE OVER THERE. |
| 135 | YOU GUYS, OVER THERE. |
| 136 | I WANT YOU TWO RIGHT AROUND HERE. |
| 137 | EVERYONE ELSE, SPREAD OUT. |
| 138 | ROSS. |
| 139 | SO WHEN IS IT GOING TO AIR? |
| 140 | OKAY, PHEEBS, YOU LOOK IN THE KITCHEN. |
| 141 | I WILL LOOK IN THE BACK CLOSET. |
| 142 | I CAN SAVE YOU TIME, LADIES. |
| 143 | I'M RIGHT HERE. |
| 144 | YEAH. |
| 145 | CHANDLER, WHY DON'T YOU TAKE A WALK? |
| 146 | THIS DOESN'T CONCERN YOU. |
| 147 | WE ARE LOOKING FOR |
| 148 | OUR CHRISTMAS PRESENTS FROM MONICA. |
| 149 | WHAT? THAT'S TERRIBLE. |
| 150 | NO, WE DO IT EVERY YEAR. |
| 151 | OH, WELL, THAT MAKES IT NOT TERRIBLE. |
| 152 | NO, YEAH. WE NEVER FIND THEM. |
| 153 | SHE'S ALWAYS BESTED US, THAT WILY... MINX. |
| 154 | DON'T WORRY. |
| 155 | WE'RE JUST GOING TO SEARCH HERE FOR AN HOUR |
| 156 | AND THEN WE'LL GO OVER TO JOEY'S AND SEARCH, OKAY? |
| 157 | NO, NOT OKAY. |
| 158 | YOU CAN'T LOOK FOR MONICA'S PRESENTS. |
| 159 | WE HAVE TO. |
| 160 | YOU DON'T HAVE TO, AND YOU CAN'T |
| 161 | BECAUSE I LIVE HERE, TOO. |
| 162 | WELL, THEN, YOU SHOULD LOOK WITH US. |
| 163 | WHY? |
| 164 | AREN'T YOU WORRIED ABOUT WHAT TO GET MONICA FOR CHRISTMAS? |
| 165 | I HAVE A GREAT IDEA FOR A PRESENT FOR HER. |
| 166 | ( scoffing ): THAT'S IT, "A GREAT IDEA"? |
| 167 | CHANDLER, THAT'S NOT ENOUGH. |
| 168 | WHAT IF SHE GETS YOU A GREAT PRESENT |
| 169 | TWO MEDIUM PRESENTS |
| 170 | AND THEN A BUNCH OF LITTLE PRESENTS |
| 171 | AND YOU'VE JUST GOTTEN HER ONE GREAT PRESENT? |
| 172 | THAT'S JUST GOING TO MAKE HER FEEL BAD. |
| 173 | WHY WOULD YOU |
| 174 | DO THAT TO HER, CHANDLER? |
| 175 | IF I HELPED |
| 176 | WE COULD FIND THEM FASTER. |
| 177 | THAT'S RIGHT. |
| 178 | OOH, WE HAVE A LIVE ONE. |
| 179 | IT'S A MACY'S BAG. |
| 180 | YEAH. |
| 181 | OOH, WHO'S IT FOR? |
| 182 | "DEAR LOSERS, DO YOU REALLY THINK |
| 183 | I'D HIDE PRESENTS UNDER THE COUCH?" |
| 184 | "P.S.: CHANDLER, I KNEW THEY'D BREAK YOU." |
| 185 | UH-OH. SHE MAY BE ON TO US. |
| 186 | WE ARE SO GOING TO FIND THEM THIS YEAR. |
| 187 | YOU SAID YOU WERE |
| 188 | GOING ACROSS THE HALL AND LOOK. |
| 189 | YOU DON'T DO THAT EVERY YEAR, DO YOU? |
| 190 | YEAH. |
| 191 | YOU DON'T, LIKE |
| 192 | GO INTO THE BACK OF MY CLOSET |
| 193 | AND LOOK UNDER MY GYM BAG OR ANYTHING. |
| 194 | NO. WE NEVER DO THAT. |
| 195 | BECAUSE THAT'S WHERE JOEY GAVE ME SOME STUFF TO STORE |
| 196 | THAT I'VE NEVER |
| 197 | SEEN BEFORE IN MY LIFE. |
| 198 | OKAY, THAT DID NOT JUST HAPPEN. |
| 199 | OKAY, HERE COMES ANOTHER CAMERA. |
| 200 | RIGHT. NO BIGGIE; STAY LOOSE. |
| 201 | WHY DO THEY KEEP DOING THAT? |
| 202 | IF WE WANT TO GET ON CAMERA |
| 203 | WE HAVE TO GET ON ONE OF THOSE PLATFORMS. |
| 204 | THEY'VE BEEN TAPING THOSE PEOPLE ALL DAY. |
| 205 | RIGHT. |
| 206 | HEY, WHAT DID YOU GUYS DO TO GET UP ON THERE? |
| 207 | WE LEARNED HOW TO DANCE. |
| 208 | OH, YEAH? |
| 209 | WHEN YOU LEARNED HOW TO DANCE |
| 210 | DID YOU FORGET HOW TO PUT ON UNDERPANTS? |
| 211 | YEAH. |
| 212 | HEY, YOU'RE A GOOD DANCER. |
| 213 | REALLY? |
| 214 | YOU'D BE BETTER IF YOU LOOSENED YOUR HIPS A LITTLE. |
| 215 | WHAT DO YOU MEAN? |
| 216 | WELL, LIKE THIS. |
| 217 | THAT'S IT. |
| 218 | JUST FEEL THE RHYTHM. |
| 219 | THAT'S BETTER. |
| 220 | ( falsetto ): UH-HUH. |
| 221 | YOU'RE DANCING WITH THAT GIRL THERE. |
| 222 | NO, NO, NO. |
| 223 | WE CAME TOGETHER. |
| 224 | I DON'T SEE IT. |
| 225 | YOU ARE DANCING WITH THE TALL GUY OVER THERE. |
| 226 | TALL GUY, RAISE YOUR HAND. |
| 227 | PLEASE LET ME DANCE WITH THAT GIRL. |
| 228 | I REALLY LIKE HER |
| 229 | AND I THINK I HAVE A SHOT. |
| 230 | REALLY? YOU THINK SO? I DON'T. |
| 231 | I COULDN'T FIND ANYTHING AT JOEY... |
| 232 | HEY, WHOA, WHOA. |
| 233 | WE FOUND THEM. |
| 234 | THEY WERE IN THE GUEST ROOM CLOSET BEHIND SOME COATS. |
| 235 | YEAH, AND YOU HAVE NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT |
| 236 | 'CAUSE THEY'RE ALL CRAP. |
| 237 | THOSE ARE MY GIFTS. |
| 238 | I GOT THOSE FOR YOU. |
| 239 | OH, THANKS, CHANDLER. |
| 240 | THEY'RE GREAT. |
| 241 | Rachel: WELL, CHANDLER |
| 242 | THEN WHAT IS THIS VERY WEIRD METAL "A," "Z" THING? |
| 243 | THOSE ARE BOOKENDS. |
| 244 | THAT'S A GREAT GIFT. |
| 245 | OH, OKAY, I'M SORRY. |
| 246 | THANK YOU FOR MY "AZ." |
| 247 | MAKE SURE YOU PUT ALL THAT STUFF BACK IN THE CLOSET, OKAY? |
| 248 | YES, OKAY. |
| 249 | OH, BY THE WAY, I JUST GOT TO SAY |
| 250 | I THINK IT'S REALLY NICE OF YOU THAT EVEN AFTER YOU'VE MOVED |
| 251 | YOU STILL KEEP STORING THAT STUFF FOR JOEY. |
| 252 | HEY, DANCING GIRL. |
| 253 | CAN I... CAN I GO TO THE BATHROOM? |
| 254 | OKAY, HERE WE GO. |
| 255 | YEAH. THERE YOU GO. |
| 256 | LOOKING GOOD, GELLERS. |
| 257 | WE KNOW. |
| 258 | HEY, LOOK. |
| 259 | YOU KNOW THAT SNIPPY GUY OVER THERE? |
| 260 | HE'S THE ONE WHO DECIDES WHO GETS ON THE PLATFORM. |
| 261 | WE SHOULD GO DANCE BY HIM. |
| 262 | OKAY. |
| 263 | OKAY, EVERYBODY HOLD. |
| 264 | NEXT ON THE PLATFORMS ARE... |
| 265 | YOU TWO. |
| 266 | AND... |
| 267 | YOU TWO. |
| 268 | EXCUSE ME, SIR. |
| 269 | WOULD IT HELP IF I WEREN'T WEARING UNDERPANTS? |
| 270 | MONICA! |
| 271 | WOULD IT? |
| 272 | HEY, TALL GUY. |
| 273 | LISTEN, I WANT TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT THAT GIRL |
| 274 | THAT YOU'RE DANCING WITH. |
| 275 | SHE'S NICE, HUH? |
| 276 | TO THINK I ALMOST BROUGHT MY WIFE TO THIS. |
| 277 | YEAH, YEAH. OKAY. |
| 278 | UH, LOOK, BUDDY, I CAME WITH THAT GIRL. |
| 279 | AND I HAD THIS PLAN TO KISS HER |
| 280 | AT THE NEW YEAR'S COUNTDOWN. |
| 281 | I'M TRYING TO WIN HER OVER, YOU KNOW? |
| 282 | SO I WAS WONDERING... |
| 283 | I DON'T THINK SO. |
| 284 | OH, COME ON, MAN. |
| 285 | YOU CAN DANCE WITH MY PARTNER. |
| 286 | SHE'S REAL MELLOW. |
| 287 | LOOK, YOU DATING THIS GIRL YOU CAME WITH? |
| 288 | WELL, I WAS HOPING AFTER TONIGHT |
| 289 | THAT MAYBE I COULD... |
| 290 | NO, NO, SHE'S FAIR GAME IF YOU ASK ME. |
| 291 | SORRY, BUDDY. |
| 292 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 293 | HEY, YOU KNOW, FAIR IS FAIR. |
| 294 | I MEAN, WHEN YOU'RE RIGHT YOU'RE RIGHT. |
| 295 | WHAT CAN I SAY, BUT... |
| 296 | HEY! |
| 297 | GOD! |
| 298 | WHAT, ARE YOU IN THE SECOND GRADE? |
| 299 | HEY, MAN, YOU'RE THE ONE WHO WET HIS PANTS. |
| 300 | HEY! HEY! |
| 301 | HEY! |
| 302 | MAN, THIS SUCKS. |
| 303 | IF MOM AND DAD DON'T SEE US ON TV |
| 304 | AFTER WE MADE THEM SO JEALOUS |
| 305 | WHO'S GOING TO BE THE LOSERS THEN? |
| 306 | HEY, I KNOW WHAT WILL GET US UP ON A PLATFORM. |
| 307 | WHAT? |
| 308 | THE ROUTINE. |
| 309 | ROSS, WE HAVEN'T DONE THE ROUTINE SINCE MIDDLE SCHOOL. |
| 310 | HEY, WHEN THE SNIPPY GUY SEES THE ROUTINE |
| 311 | HE'LL WANT TO BUILD US OUR OWN PLATFORM. |
| 312 | WAS IT REALLY THAT GOOD? |
| 313 | WE GOT HONORABLE MENTION |
| 314 | IN THE BROTHER/SISTER DANCE CATEGORY. |
| 315 | LOOK, IT'S ALMOST FAKE MIDNIGHT. |
| 316 | DO WE REALLY HAVE ANY OTHER CHOICE? |
| 317 | OKAY, LET'S DO IT. |
| 318 | MOM AND DAD ARE GOING TO BE SO FACED. |
| 319 | FIVE, SIX, SEVEN, EIGHT. |
| 320 | SO, DO WE REALLY NEED TO ASK |
| 321 | WHO'S GOING UP ON THE PLATFORM NEXT? |
| 322 | OH, NO. |
| 323 | GET UP THERE AND DO THAT AGAIN EXACTLY LIKE THAT. |
| 324 | YEAH! |
| 325 | MAKE SURE AND GET THIS. |
| 326 | DICK WILL WANT IT FOR THE BLOOPERS SHOW. |
| 327 | ALL RIGHT, CUT. |
| 328 | LISTEN UP, EVERYONE. |
| 329 | WHEN WE START AGAIN |
| 330 | IT'S GOING TO BE THE COUNTDOWN TO NEW YEAR'S |
| 331 | SO I WANT TO SEE EVERYBODY'S EXCITEMENT. |
| 332 | HEY, GUY, YOU'VE GOT ABOUT THREE SECONDS |
| 333 | TO GET AWAY FROM MY PARTNER. |
| 334 | WHAT'S GOING ON OVER HERE? |
| 335 | TAKE A LOOK AT THE GUY'S PANTS, HUH? |
| 336 | I MEAN, I KNOW YOU TOLD US TO SHOW EXCITEMENT |
| 337 | BUT DON'T YOU THINK HE WENT A LITTLE OVERBOARD. |
| 338 | WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU? |
| 339 | GET OUT OF HERE. |
| 340 | YEAH, TAKE A HIKE, WET PANTS. |
| 341 | CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS? |
| 342 | WE'RE GOING TO BE ON THE PLATFORM |
| 343 | FOR THE MILLENNIAL MOMENT. |
| 344 | I KNOW. |
| 345 | HEY, YOU HAVEN'T BEEN PRACTICING |
| 346 | THE ROUTINE, HAVE YOU? |
| 347 | NO. |
| 348 | ME, TOO. |
| 349 | HEY, WHEN THE MUSIC STARTS UP AGAIN |
| 350 | I WAS THINKING ABOUT MAYBE GOING INTO THE ROBOT, YOU KNOW. |
| 351 | ROSS, I THINK WE SHOULD STICK TO THE ROUTINE. |
| 352 | WE DON'T WANT TO LOOK STUPID. |
| 353 | ALL RIGHT, WE'RE BACK. |
| 354 | TEN SECONDS LEFT. HERE WE GO. |
| 355 | TEN... |
| 356 | All: NINE... |
| 357 | EIGHT... |
| 358 | SEVEN... |
| 359 | Joey: OKAY... |
| 360 | IT ALL COMES DOWN TO THIS. |
| 361 | WHATEVER HAPPENS, HAPPENS. |
| 362 | DESTINY. |
| 363 | THREE... |
| 364 | TWO... |
| 365 | ONE... |
| 366 | CUT! |
| 367 | NO! |
| 368 | YEAR! |
| 369 | HAPPY NO YEAR. |
| 370 | HERE'S WHERE WE GO TO THE LIVE SHOT OF TIMES SQUARE. |
| 371 | THAT'S A WRAP. |
| 372 | ( quacking ) |
| 373 | HEY, LOOK WHO I FOUND. |
| 374 | OH, HI, GUYS. |
| 375 | YOU KNOW, BIRDS HAVE A VERY GOOD SENSE OF DIRECTION. |
| 376 | I THOUGHT MAYBE THEY COULD HELP US FIND |
| 377 | WHERE THE PRESENTS ARE HIDDEN. |
| 378 | YES, IF THE PRESENTS ARE HIDDEN SOUTH FOR THE WINTER. |
| 379 | OR WE COULD JUST FOLLOW YOUR CLEVER JOKES. |
| 380 | ANY IDEAS? NO? DIDN'T THINK SO. |
| 381 | COME ON, GUYS. |
| 382 | SHOW US WHERE THE PRESENTS ARE. |
| 383 | THE DUCK SEEMS TO THINK THAT MONICA GOT ME GARBAGE. |
| 384 | HMM, I WONDER WHAT I CAN GET MONICA |
| 385 | THAT'S AS GOOD AS GARBAGE? |
| 386 | HMM, HOW ABOUT MY "AZ"? |
| 387 | ( knocking ) |
| 388 | HEY, THIS IS HOLLOW. |
| 389 | WHAT? |
| 390 | THIS BENCH, IT'S HOLLOW. |
| 391 | I CAN'T BELIEVE I NEVER KNEW THAT. |
| 392 | OH! THE PRESENTS! |
| 393 | NO, DON'T LOOK DIRECTLY AT THEM. |
| 394 | WHAT? |
| 395 | ALL RIGHT, NO, WE COULD LOOK AT THEM. |
| 396 | OH, THIS ONE'S FOR ME. |
| 397 | THIS ONE'S FOR CHANDLER. |
| 398 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 399 | AND THE BIG ONE'S FOR ME. |
| 400 | LET'S OPEN THEM. |
| 401 | OKAY, OKAY. |
| 402 | WAIT A MINUTE, WAIT A MINUTE. |
| 403 | WE CAN'T DO THIS. |
| 404 | WHY? WHY? |
| 405 | I DON'T WANT TO KNOW WHAT MONICA GOT ME. |
| 406 | I MEAN, LOOK, I'M SURE SHE WORKED REALLY HARD |
| 407 | AT GETTING ME A PRESENT AND WANTING TO SURPRISE ME |
| 408 | AND YOU GUYS ARE GOING TO RUIN THAT. |
| 409 | LOOK, WE HAVE TO PUT THESE BACK. |
| 410 | THIS IS NOT WHAT CHRISTMAS IS ABOUT. |
| 411 | WHATEVER, LINUS. |
| 412 | I'M OPENING MINE. |
| 413 | NOBODY IS OPENING ANYTHING, OKAY? |
| 414 | I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU GUYS |
| 415 | BUT I WANT TO SEE THE LOOK ON MONICA'S FACE |
| 416 | WHEN I GIVE HER MY PRESENT. |
| 417 | AND I'M SURE SHE WANTS TO SEE THE LOOK ON MY FACE |
| 418 | WHEN I GET MINE. |
| 419 | SO PLEASE, CAN WE JUST... CAN WE PUT THEM BACK? |
| 420 | WILL YOU GET US BETTER GIFTS? |
| 421 | FINE. |
| 422 | HEY, GUYS. |
| 423 | YOU FOUND THE PRESENTS? |
| 424 | CHANDLER, YOU LET THEM FIND THE PRESENTS? |
| 425 | GREAT. |
| 426 | DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG IT TOOK ME TO FIND YOU THAT WATER PURIFIER? |
| 427 | THAT'S WHAT YOU GOT ME? |
| 428 | YES, I SEE WHAT YOU MEAN. THAT LOOK IS PRICELESS. |
| 429 | HOME SWEET HOME, HUH? |
| 430 | NICE TO GET BACK TO REALITY. |
| 431 | PLUS, WE KNOW HOW THE NEW YEAR'S |
| 432 | GOING TO GO OFF. |
| 433 | I GUESS THERE'S NO REASON |
| 434 | FOR ALL THAT Y2K PANIC, YOU KNOW. |
| 435 | ANYWAY, GOOD NIGHT. |
| 436 | JOEY. |
| 437 | YEAH? |
| 438 | THREE... |
| 439 | TWO... ONE. |
| 440 | HAPPY NEW YEAR. |
| 441 | ( clearing throat ) |
| 442 | ( mumbling ) |
| 443 | WHAT WAS THAT FOR? |
| 444 | I DON'T KNOW. |
| 445 | TONIGHT WHEN THEY YELLED CUT |
| 446 | AND WE DIDN'T GET TO KISS |
| 447 | I WAS REALLY, REALLY DISAPPOINTED. |
| 448 | AND I JUST... |
| 449 | I JUST REALLY WANTED TO KISS YOU. |
| 450 | REALLY? |
| 451 | IN THE MOMENT |
| 452 | I REALLY WANTED TO KISS YOU, TOO. |
| 453 | IN THE MOMENT. |
| 454 | IN THE MOMENT, HUH? |
| 455 | BUT ONLY IN THE MOMENT. |
| 456 | SO, DO YOU... |
| 457 | WANT TO KISS AGAIN? |
| 458 | SURE. NEW YEAR'S EVE IS ONLY TWO WEEKS AWAY. |
| 459 | CAN YOU WAIT? |
| 460 | NO. |
| 461 | ME NEITHER. |
| 462 | THREE... TWO... |
| 463 | JOEY, YOU DON'T HAVE TO COUNTDOWN |
| 464 | EVERY TIME WE KISS. |
| 465 | OKAY. |
| 466 | EXCEPT THAT I SORT OF FELT LIKE I NEEDED |
| 467 | A COUPLE SECONDS TO GET READY. |
| 468 | WE WERE ON THE PLATFORM |
| 469 | READY TO DANCE THE WORLD INTO THE NEW MILLENNIUM |
| 470 | AND THE GUY YELLS "CUT." |
| 471 | WAIT A MINUTE, SO YOU GUYS ARE TELLING ME |
| 472 | THAT YOU ACTUALLY DID THE ROUTINE FROM EIGHTH GRADE? |
| 473 | YEAH. |
| 474 | BUT OF COURSE WE HAD TO UPDATE IT A LITTLE BIT. |
| 475 | HEY, BY THE WAY, QUICK THINKING ABOUT CATCHING ME. |
| 476 | YEAH, 'CAUSE I WAS GOING TO SAY |
| 477 | THERE'S NO WAY YOU COULD HAVE DONE THE END |
| 478 | THE WAY YOU GUYS DID IT BACK THEN. |
| 479 | WHAT? |
| 480 | WE COULD DO IT. |
| 481 | I DON'T KNOW. YOU WERE A LOT BIGGER... |
| 482 | I MEAN, STRONGER BACK THEN. |
| 483 | I CAN DO IT, OKAY. |
| 484 | [Captioned by The Caption Center WGBH Educational Foundation] |
| 485 | ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR, FIVE... |
| 486 | Both: SIX, SEVEN, EIGHT. |
| 487 | I CAN'T DO IT! |
| 488 | NOW, YOU DO THAT, YOU'RE ON TV. |
| 489 | |
| 1 | HEY! |
| 2 | HEY. |
| 3 | LISTEN, YOU GUYS THINK |
| 4 | I HAVE A CHANCE WITH JANINE? |
| 5 | OH, HONEY, WE HAVE BEEN THROUGH THIS BEFORE. |
| 6 | YEAH. DON'T DO THIS TO YOURSELF. |
| 7 | SHE MADE IT PRETTY CLEAR IT IS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. |
| 8 | WELL, ALL RIGHT, THEN. |
| 9 | I GUESS I SHOULDN'T GET TOO EXCITED ABOUT THE FACT |
| 10 | THAT I JUST KISSED HER! |
| 11 | ARE YOU SERIOUS?! |
| 12 | REALLY? |
| 13 | YEAH? WELL, WE'LL SEE. |
| 14 | YOU KISSED HER? |
| 15 | OH, WE KISSED IT UP REAL NICE. |
| 16 | SO YOU KISSED HER. |
| 17 | SO WHAT HAPPENED AFTER THAT? |
| 18 | I CAME OVER HERE TO TELL YOU GUYS. |
| 19 | SO SHE'S JUST WAITING OVER THERE FOR YOU? |
| 20 | YEAH. |
| 21 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 22 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 23 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 24 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 25 | ♪ WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY, YOUR WEEK ♪ |
| 26 | ♪ YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 27 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 28 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME, TOO. ♪ |
| 29 | I GOT TO GO. |
| 30 | OKAY. |
| 31 | I'M GOING TO BE REALLY LATE FOR DANCE CLASS. |
| 32 | OKAY. |
| 33 | OKAY, NOW I'M REALLY LEAVING. |
| 34 | OKAY. ALL RIGHT. OKAY. |
| 35 | BUT, HEY, CAN YOU JUST... JUST LEAVE YOUR LIPS? |
| 36 | BYE. |
| 37 | BYE. |
| 38 | HAVE YOU KISSED HER YET? |
| 39 | IT'S AWESOME. |
| 40 | YOU KNOW, I COULD DO IT FOREVER. |
| 41 | YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 42 | SHE KISSES BETTER THAN MY MOM COOKS. |
| 43 | I AM SO GLAD YOU SAID "COOKS." |
| 44 | OH, HEY, RACHEL, SWEETHEART |
| 45 | YOU HAVE GOT TO TELL THE POST OFFICE THAT YOU HAVE MOVED, OKAY? |
| 46 | WE'RE STILL GETTING ALL YOUR BILLS AND STUFF. |
| 47 | OH. |
| 48 | OOH, OOH, POTTERY BARN. |
| 49 | YOU CAN THROW THE REST AWAY. |
| 50 | I'M NOT YOUR GARBAGE MAN. |
| 51 | I'M YOUR MAILMAN. |
| 52 | MONICA, LOOK. |
| 53 | LOOK, LOOK, LOOK. |
| 54 | HERE IS THAT TABLE THAT I ORDERED. |
| 55 | AH... |
| 56 | YOU GOT IT FROM POTTERY BARN? |
| 57 | YEAH. |
| 58 | IT'S AN APOTHECARY TABLE. |
| 59 | DOES ANYONE EVEN KNOW WHAT AN APOTHECARY IS? |
| 60 | A PHARMACIST. |
| 61 | ( imitating mockingly ): "A PHARMACIST." |
| 62 | RACH, PHOEBE HATES POTTERY BARN. |
| 63 | I HATE POTTERY BARN, TOO. |
| 64 | THEY KICKED ME OUT OF THERE JUST BECAUSE I SAT ON A BED. |
| 65 | YOU TOOK OFF YOUR PANTS AND CLIMBED UNDER THE SHEETS. |
| 66 | I WAS TIRED. |
| 67 | PHOEBE HATES POTTERY BARN? |
| 68 | YEAH, SHE HATES ALL MASS-PRODUCED STUFF. |
| 69 | SHE THINKS HER FURNITURE SHOULD HAVE A HISTORY-- A STORY BEHIND IT. |
| 70 | THIS HAS A STORY BEHIND IT. |
| 71 | THEY HAD TO SHIP IT |
| 72 | ALL THE WAY FROM THE WHITE PLAINS STORE. |
| 73 | IT'S GOT TO BE ONE OF A KIND. |
| 74 | YOU KNOW, LIKE THE, UM.... |
| 75 | WHAT'S THAT GOD-AWFUL CERAMIC FRUIT BOWL |
| 76 | THAT SHE HAS ON HER COUNTER? |
| 77 | HEY, I MADE THAT FOR HER. |
| 78 | YOU MADE POTTERY? |
| 79 | YEAH. I MADE IT OUT OF THIS FRUIT BOWL |
| 80 | I FOUND IN THE GARBAGE. |
| 81 | I'M TELLING YOU |
| 82 | IF YOU PUT THAT IN HER APARTMENT |
| 83 | YOU WILL NEVER HEAR THE END OF IT. |
| 84 | OKAY, FINE, I'LL JUST TELL HER |
| 85 | THAT IT'S AN ANTIQUE APOTHECARY TABLE. |
| 86 | SHE DOESN'T HAVE TO KNOW WHERE IT CAME FROM. |
| 87 | OH, I LOVE THESE LITTLE DRAWERS. |
| 88 | OH, LOOK, LOOK, IT SAYS THAT IT HOLDS 300 CDs. |
| 89 | AH, JUST LIKE THE APOTHECARY TABLES OF YORE. |
| 90 | SO THEN THE FARMER SAYS |
| 91 | "THAT'S NOT A COW AND YOU'RE NOT MILKING." |
| 92 | I AM SO GLAD THAT YOU GUYS GOT TOGETHER. |
| 93 | CHANDLER AND I ARE ALWAYS LOOKING |
| 94 | FOR A COUPLE TO GO OUT WITH, AND NOW WE HAVE ONE. |
| 95 | LOOK AT US-- WE'RE A COUPLE OF COUPLES. |
| 96 | I HAD SO MUCH FUN TONIGHT. |
| 97 | AND WHAT A GREAT RESTAURANT. |
| 98 | YEAH, YEAH, AND CHANDLER |
| 99 | I CAN'T BELIEVE I LET YOU PAY FOR THIS ONE. |
| 100 | THANKS AGAIN, MAN. |
| 101 | SO IF YOU GUYS WANT TO COME OVER TOMORROW |
| 102 | I'LL MAKE THAT PASTA THING I WAS TELLING YOU ABOUT. |
| 103 | OH, THAT WOULD BE GREAT. |
| 104 | BUT, HEY, LOOK |
| 105 | AT LEAST LET US BRING THE WINE. |
| 106 | JOEY, YOU DON'T HAVE TO. |
| 107 | I INSIST. |
| 108 | YOU'LL GET THE WINE, RIGHT? |
| 109 | YEAH, OKAY. |
| 110 | OKAY, GOOD NIGHT, GUYS. |
| 111 | SEE YOU TOMORROW. |
| 112 | CAN'T WAIT. |
| 113 | HOW ARE WE GOING TO GET OUT OF THAT ONE? |
| 114 | WHAT? |
| 115 | I CAN'T HANDLE TWO NIGHTS IN A ROW WITH THEM. |
| 116 | WHAT'S WRONG WITH MONICA AND CHANDLER? |
| 117 | I DON'T KNOW, THEY'RE JUST A LITTLE... BLAH. |
| 118 | "BLAH"? |
| 119 | WELL, YOU KNOW, HE'S BLAH. |
| 120 | SHE'S JUST... |
| 121 | SHE'S VERY LOUD FOR SUCH A SMALL PERSON. |
| 122 | UH, THEY'RE, LIKE, MY BEST FRIENDS. |
| 123 | ARE YOU SAYING WE CAN'T HANG OUT WITH THEM |
| 124 | 'CAUSE THAT WOULD BE KIND OF A PROBLEM. |
| 125 | OF COURSE WE CAN STILL HANG OUT WITH THEM. |
| 126 | JUST, YOU KNOW, NOT TWO NIGHTS IN A ROW. |
| 127 | OKAY? |
| 128 | I GUESS. |
| 129 | THANK YOU. |
| 130 | HMM. |
| 131 | IF YOU WANT, I'LL SELL MY FRIENDS |
| 132 | AND USE THE MONEY TO BUY YOU PRESENTS. |
| 133 | HEY. |
| 134 | HEY. |
| 135 | OOH, WHAT A GREAT TABLE. |
| 136 | WHERE? WHERE DID YOU GET IT? |
| 137 | GUESS. |
| 138 | UM, A FLEA MARKET. |
| 139 | OH! |
| 140 | SEE, I KNEW. I KNEW YOU WOULD GET IT ON THE FIRST GUESS. |
| 141 | ISN'T IT COOL? |
| 142 | IT'S AN APOTHECARY TABLE. |
| 143 | WOW... |
| 144 | OH, YOU CAN JUST IMAGINE THAT THIS IS WHERE THEY KEPT ALL |
| 145 | THE STUFF TO MAKE THEIR POTIONS, YOU KNOW. |
| 146 | YES. |
| 147 | YOU CAN ALMOST SMELL THE OPIUM. |
| 148 | ALMOST. |
| 149 | OH, HOW MUCH WAS IT? |
| 150 | ONLY 500 BUCKS. |
| 151 | 500 BUCKS AT A FLEA MARKET? |
| 152 | OH, OKAY, SEE, I THOUGHT YOU MEANT |
| 153 | HOW MUCH WAS IT WHEN IT WAS NEW |
| 154 | YOU KNOW, LIKE BACK THEN? |
| 155 | OH, NO. |
| 156 | I MEAN, IT WAS AT A FLEA MARKET |
| 157 | SO IT WAS, YOU KNOW, IT WAS, LIKE, A DOLLAR. |
| 158 | A DOLLAR? |
| 159 | AND 50. |
| 160 | SO, YOU KNOW, IT WAS, LIKE, ONE AND 50 DOLLARS. |
| 161 | OH, OKAY, THEY GAVE YOU THE OLD-TIME PRICING. |
| 162 | YEAH. |
| 163 | WELL, WHAT PERIOD IS IT FROM? |
| 164 | UH, IT'S FROM YORE. |
| 165 | LIKE THE DAYS OF YORE, YOU KNOW. |
| 166 | YES, YES, I DO. |
| 167 | GOD... OH, IT'S JUST PERFECT. |
| 168 | WOW, I BET IT HAS A GREAT STORY BEHIND IT, TOO. |
| 169 | DID THEY TELL YOU ANYTHING? LIKE, YOU KNOW, WHERE IT'S FROM OR...? |
| 170 | OH, YES, THAT I KNOW. THIS IS FROM, UH, WHITE PLAINS. |
| 171 | ( gasps ) |
| 172 | WHITE PLAINS. |
| 173 | MM-HMM. |
| 174 | OH, IT SOUNDS LIKE SUCH A MAGICAL PLACE. |
| 175 | HEY! I'M HERE. |
| 176 | HEY. |
| 177 | OH... OH, MY GOD. |
| 178 | YOU LIKE IT? |
| 179 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 180 | IT'S MY NEW APOTHECARY TABLE. |
| 181 | ROSS, PHOEBE IS GOING TO BE HERE ANY SECOND. |
| 182 | SHE CANNOT SEE THIS. |
| 183 | WELL, WHY NOT? SHE'LL LOVE IT. |
| 184 | IT'S THE REAL THING. |
| 185 | I GOT IT AT POTTERY BARN. |
| 186 | I KNOW YOU DID. I BOUGHT THE SAME ONE. |
| 187 | AND IF SHE SEES YOUR TABLE, SHE'S GOING TO KNOW |
| 188 | THAT I LIED TO HER. |
| 189 | I TOLD HER THAT OURS WAS AN ORIGINAL. |
| 190 | WHY DID YOU DO THAT? |
| 191 | BECAUSE SHE HATES POTTERY BARN. |
| 192 | SHE HATES POTTERY BARN? |
| 193 | I KNOW, I KNOW. |
| 194 | SHE SAYS IT'S ALL MASS-PRODUCED; NOTHING IS AUTHENTIC |
| 195 | AND EVERYONE WINDS UP HAVING THE SAME STUFF. |
| 196 | SO, COME ON. SHE'S GOING TO BE HERE ANY SECOND. |
| 197 | CAN WE PLEASE JUST COVER THIS UP |
| 198 | WITH SOMETHING, PLEASE. |
| 199 | NO, NO. I AM NOT GOING TO HIDE IT FROM PHOEBE. |
| 200 | OH, ALTHOUGH I DID GET SOME GREAT POTTERY BARN SHEETS. |
| 201 | OOH! |
| 202 | OH, I FORGOT THEY MADE SHEETS. |
| 203 | YAH. |
| 204 | I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE SHE HATES POTTERY BARN. |
| 205 | ROSS, GET OVER IT. |
| 206 | IT'S NOT LIKE SHE HATES YOU. |
| 207 | YEAH, BUT POTTERY BARN. |
| 208 | YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK? |
| 209 | SHE'S WEIRD, YOU KNOW. |
| 210 | IT'S BECAUSE SHE'S A TWIN. |
| 211 | TWINS ARE WEIRD. |
| 212 | ROSS, SHE'S NOT WEIRD. |
| 213 | SHE JUST LIKES HER STUFF TO BE ONE OF A KIND. |
| 214 | YOU KNOW WHAT'S NOT ONE OF A KIND? |
| 215 | A TWIN. |
| 216 | HEY. |
| 217 | HEY. |
| 218 | OH, PHOEBE'S HERE. |
| 219 | SO LET'S TURN OUT ALL THE LIGHTS |
| 220 | AND WE'LL JUST WATCH THE MOVIE. |
| 221 | OKAY. HEY, OOH, COOL SHEET. |
| 222 | OH, YOU LIKE IT? |
| 223 | YOU WANT TO KNOW WHERE I GOT IT? |
| 224 | SURE. |
| 225 | HE GOT IT AT A FLEA MARKET. |
| 226 | YOU BOUGHT YOUR SHEETS AT A FLEA MARKET? |
| 227 | ROSS, YOU'VE GOT TO LOOSEN |
| 228 | THE PURSE STRINGS A LITTLE. |
| 229 | HEY. HEY. |
| 230 | DINNER WILL BE READY IN 20 MINUTES. |
| 231 | I'M SO EXCITED. |
| 232 | HERE IS THE BOTTLE OF WINE FOR YOU |
| 233 | TO BRING OVER TONIGHT. |
| 234 | YOU WERE GOING TO BUY MONICA FLOWERS |
| 235 | BUT YOU COULDN'T AFFORD IT |
| 236 | BECAUSE YOU PAID FOR DINNER LAST NIGHT. |
| 237 | THANKS, THANKS. |
| 238 | BUT, UH, ACTUALLY, IT'S JUST GOING TO BE ME TONIGHT. |
| 239 | WHAT HAPPENED TO JANINE? |
| 240 | WELL, SHE'S, UH, REALLY SICK. |
| 241 | OH, THAT'S TOO BAD. |
| 242 | YEAH, SHE'S BEEN IN THERE ALL DAY. |
| 243 | HIGH FEVER, NOSE PROBLEM... |
| 244 | IT'S... PHLEGM, PHLEGM, PHLEGM, PHLEGM, PHLEGM. |
| 245 | ( door opening ) |
| 246 | MONICA, CHANDLER. |
| 247 | I'M REALLY, REALLY SORRY ABOUT TONIGHT. |
| 248 | I DON'T KNOW IF JOEY TOLD YOU |
| 249 | BUT I JUST COULDN'T GET OUT OF GOING TO THIS PLAY. |
| 250 | I'M SORRY. |
| 251 | HAVE A GREAT TIME, HUH? |
| 252 | BYE. |
| 253 | THAT'S FUNNY. |
| 254 | I SAW NO PHLEGM. |
| 255 | NO, NO, SHE REALLY IS SICK. |
| 256 | THEN WHY IS SHE GOING TO A PLAY? |
| 257 | UH, WELL, YOU KNOW-- |
| 258 | STARVE A FEVER, GO TO A PLAY FOR A COLD. |
| 259 | JOEY, WHY IS JANINE NOT COMING OVER FOR DINNER? |
| 260 | WELL, UH |
| 261 | SHE DIDN'T WANT TO HANG OUT WITH YOU GUYS |
| 262 | TWO NIGHTS IN A ROW. |
| 263 | I'M SO SORRY. |
| 264 | WHY DOES SHE NOT WANT TO HANG OUT WITH US? |
| 265 | BECAUSE SHE, UH, SHE... SHE THINKS THAT YOU ARE BLAH |
| 266 | AND-AND THAT YOU |
| 267 | MONICA, ARE TOO LOUD. |
| 268 | ( loudly ): WHAT?! |
| 269 | ( hushed ): WHAT? |
| 270 | SO SHE WAS JUST PRETENDING |
| 271 | TO HAVE A GOOD TIME LAST NIGHT? |
| 272 | SHE WAS LYING TO OUR FACES? |
| 273 | Monica: I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS. |
| 274 | I MEAN, WHO IS SHE TO JUDGE US? |
| 275 | WE COULD NOT HAVE BEEN NICER TO HER. |
| 276 | AND I AM NOT BLAH. |
| 277 | I AM A HOOT. |
| 278 | I KNOW, I KNOW. |
| 279 | YOU GUYS, DON'T BE MAD. |
| 280 | I'M SURE SHE JUST SAID THAT STUFF |
| 281 | BECAUSE SHE WAS NERVOUS 'CAUSE |
| 282 | YOU GUYS ARE, LIKE, MY BEST FRIENDS. |
| 283 | YOU KNOW, AND IT WAS OUR FIRST DATE |
| 284 | PLUS, SHE'S REALLY SICK. |
| 285 | NO, NO, YOU SAID YOU MADE THAT UP. |
| 286 | I KNOW, BUT DON'T YOU THINK THE SICK THING |
| 287 | IS WAY BETTER THAN THE PLAY THING? |
| 288 | WELL, THEY'RE BOTH GOOD. |
| 289 | I GENERALLY JUST GO WITH MONICA'S DRUNK AGAIN. |
| 290 | COME ON, YOU GUYS, COME ON, PLEASE, PLEASE |
| 291 | JUST GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE, HUH? |
| 292 | SHE'LL COME AROUND, I PROMISE. |
| 293 | OF COURSE WE WILL. |
| 294 | COME ON, WE'VE GOT TO MAKE DINNER. |
| 295 | OKAY. |
| 296 | Monica: I DO NOT LIKE THAT WOMAN! |
| 297 | I CAN HEAR YOU! |
| 298 | Monica: I AM LOUD. |
| 299 | ( together) AW. |
| 300 | ( all laughing ) |
| 301 | HEY, PHEEBS, CAN YOU PLEASE NOT PUT YOUR FEET UP |
| 302 | ON MY NEW... |
| 303 | OLD SHEET? |
| 304 | OH, SURE. |
| 305 | OH! AAH! |
| 306 | MY APOTHECARY TABLE! |
| 307 | WHAT?! |
| 308 | NO! |
| 309 | ROSS, WHERE DID YOU GET THIS?! |
| 310 | I GOT IT AT POTTERY BARN, OKAY?! |
| 311 | OH, MY GOD! |
| 312 | PHOEBE, POTTERY BARN HAS RIPPED OFF |
| 313 | THE DESIGN OF OUR ANTIQUE! |
| 314 | ( gasping ): WOW! OH, MY GOD! |
| 315 | WELL, IF THEY'VE RIPPED OFF OUR TABLE |
| 316 | OURS MUST BE WORTH MUCH MORE THAN ONE AND 50 DOLLARS. |
| 317 | WOW, THIS DOESN'T EVEN SMELL LIKE OPIUM. |
| 318 | OF COURSE NOT, IT SMELLS LIKE WINE |
| 319 | WHICH YOU SPILLED. |
| 320 | AND THANKS FOR WRECKING MY SHEET, BY THE WAY. |
| 321 | OH, ROSS, CALM DOWN. |
| 322 | I'LL GIVE YOU THE 80 CENTS. |
| 323 | OKAY, ONE MORE TIME. |
| 324 | CHANDLER, WOULD YOU LIKE SOME MORE ORANGE JUICE? |
| 325 | PERFECT DECIBEL. |
| 326 | I KNOW! |
| 327 | HEY. |
| 328 | HEY. |
| 329 | SO, UH, WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING? |
| 330 | OH, NOTHING. |
| 331 | WE'RE JUST TALKING. |
| 332 | YOU KNOW, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH. |
| 333 | LOOK, COME ON, YOU GUYS. |
| 334 | YOU SAID YOU WERE GOING TO TRY. |
| 335 | ALL RIGHT, LOOK, I CAME OVER HERE |
| 336 | TO INVITE YOU GUYS TO A MOVIE WITH ME AND JANINE. |
| 337 | WHAT DO YOU SAY? |
| 338 | WELL, I'D LIKE TO, BUT I'M...( whispering ) |
| 339 | HA, HA, VERY FUNNY.... |
| 340 | LOOK, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. |
| 341 | I REALLY WANT YOU GUYS TO GET ALONG. |
| 342 | JUST, PLEASE, COME TO THE MOVIE WITH US. |
| 343 | YOU OWE ME. WE OWE YOU? |
| 344 | THAT'S RIGHT. |
| 345 | I HELPED YOU GUYS OUT A LOT |
| 346 | IN THE START OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP. |
| 347 | I HELPED YOU SNEAK AROUND FOR, LIKE, SIX MONTHS. |
| 348 | I LOOKED LIKE AN IDIOT... |
| 349 | AND-AND I WAS HUMILIATED. |
| 350 | AND I ONLY MADE $200. |
| 351 | WE DIDN'T GIVE YOU ANY MONEY. |
| 352 | YOU DON'T THINK I KNOW THAT?! |
| 353 | I CAN'T DECIDE WHETHER IT WOULD GO BETTER |
| 354 | NEXT TO THE NEW WICKER DINING CHAIR |
| 355 | THE SAHARA DESK |
| 356 | OR THE PARKER CONSOLE TABLE. |
| 357 | WOW, I DIDN'T KNOW |
| 358 | THERE WAS A POTTERY BARN UP HERE. |
| 359 | I KNOW, I KNOW, I WENT A LITTLE CRAZY. |
| 360 | A LITTLE? |
| 361 | YOUR PLACE LOOKS LIKE PAGE 72 OF THE CATALOG. |
| 362 | OH, LOOK AT THAT. |
| 363 | THE ORNAMENTAL BIRD CAGE, LARGE. |
| 364 | HEY. |
| 365 | HEY. HEY. |
| 366 | ROSS, BE CAREFUL. |
| 367 | THAT IS VERY OLD. |
| 368 | OKAY, EARLY COLONIAL BIRD MERCHANTS |
| 369 | USED TO BRING THEIR BIRDS TO MARKET IN THAT. |
| 370 | FASCINATING. |
| 371 | ( Phoebe gasping ) |
| 372 | ANOTHER AMAZING FIND. |
| 373 | WOW! |
| 374 | OH, I BET THIS HAS A GREAT STORY, TOO. |
| 375 | IT DOES, IT DOES. |
| 376 | IT IS A ROOM-SEPARATING APPARATUS FROM COLONIAL TIME. |
| 377 | AH. |
| 378 | HUH, A LOT OF THIS STUFF |
| 379 | IS FROM THE COLONIAL TIMES. |
| 380 | HEY, WHAT ARE SOME OTHER TIME PERIODS, RACHEL? |
| 381 | WELL, THERE'S YORE... |
| 382 | ( clears throat ): AND, UH... |
| 383 | YOU KNOW, YESTERYEAR. |
| 384 | YEAH... NO, I'M TELLING YOU |
| 385 | RACHEL HAS SUCH A GOOD EYE FOR THIS STUFF. |
| 386 | ROSS, YOU KNOW, IF YOU EVER DECIDE |
| 387 | TO REDECORATE-- AND I THINK THAT YOU SHOULD-- |
| 388 | YOU SHOULD ASK RACHEL TO HELP. |
| 389 | OH, HONEY, HE DOESN'T NEED MY HELP. |
| 390 | COME ON. I THINK HE'S READY TO GET RID OF THE... |
| 391 | WHAT DID YOU CALL IT? |
| 392 | THE "CHEAP KNOCKOFFS" AND "DINOSAUR JUNK." |
| 393 | REALLY? |
| 394 | HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 395 | SINCE YOU HAVE SUCH A GREAT SENSE |
| 396 | OF WHAT I NEED, UH, OH, HERE'S 60 BUCKS. |
| 397 | WHY DON'T YOU TAKE PHOEBE |
| 398 | DOWN TO THAT COLONIAL FLEA MARKET OF YOURS |
| 399 | AND GET ME SOME STUFF. |
| 400 | YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 401 | I DON'T REALLY THINK PHOEBE WANTS TO COME... |
| 402 | NO, I DO WANT TO. OH, SHE DOES WANT TO. |
| 403 | SHE DOES WANT TO. |
| 404 | PHEEBS, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY. |
| 405 | I GUESS THE FLEA MARKET |
| 406 | WAS JUST BETTER LAST TIME. |
| 407 | AT LEAST I GOT THESE SHEETS FOR ROSS. |
| 408 | YEAH. |
| 409 | UGH. LOOK AT THIS, POTTERY BARN. |
| 410 | YEAH, YOU KNOW WHAT? DON'T LOOK AT IT. |
| 411 | SERIOUSLY, DON'T LOOK AT IT. |
| 412 | LOOK, LOOK! THERE'S THE COFFEE TABLE |
| 413 | THEY STOLE FROM US. |
| 414 | AAH, THOSE BASTARDS! LET'S GO. |
| 415 | HEY, THAT FAN KIND OF LOOKS LIKE OURS |
| 416 | AND THE BIRD CAGE AND... |
| 417 | WAIT A SEC, THIS IS OUR EXACT LIVING ROOM. |
| 418 | NO, NO, NO, IT'S NOT. NO, IT'S NOT. |
| 419 | COME ON, PHOEBE, OURS IS TOTALLY DIFFERENT. |
| 420 | WE DON'T HAVE THE... |
| 421 | WE DON'T HAVE... |
| 422 | WE DON'T HAVE THAT LAMP. |
| 423 | AND THAT SCREEN IS, YOU KNOW |
| 424 | ON THE OTHER SIDE. |
| 425 | OH, MY GOD. THIS IS WHERE YOU GOT ALL OUR STUFF-- |
| 426 | POTTERY BARN, OH, MY GOD! |
| 427 | OKAY, OKAY, WAIT, I DID, ALL RIGHT, I'M SORRY... |
| 428 | IT'S JUST THAT, PHOEBE, I WANTED THIS STUFF |
| 429 | AND I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT POTTERY BARN. |
| 430 | SO JUST... COME ON, DON'T BE MAD. |
| 431 | BUT I AM MAD, I AM MAD |
| 432 | BECAUSE THIS STUFF IS EVERYTHING THAT IS WRONG WITH THE WORLD |
| 433 | AND IT'S ALL SITTING UP IN MY LIVING ROOM! |
| 434 | AND ALL I CAN THINK ABOUT IS |
| 435 | HOW I DON'T HAVE THAT LAMP! |
| 436 | WELL, THEN, HONEY, BUY THE LAMP. |
| 437 | HEY, WE HAVE THAT 60 BUCKS FROM ROSS. |
| 438 | I CAN'T, I CAN'T! |
| 439 | UNLESS... WELL, ARE YOU SAYING |
| 440 | THAT YOU WOULD MOVE OUT IF I DIDN'T BUY THAT LAMP? |
| 441 | WHA...? NO! I'M NOT GOING TO MOVE OUT. |
| 442 | ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU WOULD MOVE OUT |
| 443 | IF I DIDN'T BUY THAT LAMP?! |
| 444 | OH, YES! I WOULD SO MOVE OUT. |
| 445 | OKAY, THEN I DON'T HAVE A CHOICE! |
| 446 | I HAVE TO BUY THAT LAMP! |
| 447 | THAT'S RIGHT. |
| 448 | BUT AT LEAST THE APOTHECARY TABLE'S REAL. |
| 449 | WELL, THIS WAS GREAT. |
| 450 | DIDN'T EVERYBODY HAVE A GREAT TIME? |
| 451 | WELL, I DID. I REALLY DID. |
| 452 | YOU KNOW, GUYS, I GOT TO SAY |
| 453 | I'M SORRY IF I WAS A LITTLE WEIRD |
| 454 | AFTER THE LAST TIME WE WENT OUT. |
| 455 | I GUESS I WAS JUST NERVOUS OR SOMETHING. |
| 456 | THAT'S TOTALLY UNDERSTANDABLE. |
| 457 | YEAH, DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT. |
| 458 | SO WE CAN GO OUT AGAIN? |
| 459 | OH, YEAH. ABSOLUTELY. |
| 460 | OH, WELL, GOOD NIGHT. |
| 461 | GOOD NIGHT. GOOD NIGHT. |
| 462 | SEE, HUH? |
| 463 | WASN'T THAT FUN? |
| 464 | WE HAVE GOT TO MOVE. |
| 465 | WHAT? |
| 466 | I KNEW IT! |
| 467 | YOU KNOW, YOU'RE NOT SO QUIET YOURSELF, MISSY! |
| 468 | AND I'M BLAH? |
| 469 | LISTEN, THE ONLY THING THAT'S MORE BORING |
| 470 | THAN WATCHING MODERN DANCE |
| 471 | IS HAVING TO LISTEN TO YOU TALK ABOUT IT. |
| 472 | ( imitating Janine ): "OH, CHANDLER, I JUST LOST MYSELF IN THE MOVEMENT." |
| 473 | YOU KNOW, I KNOW YOU'RE TALKING |
| 474 | BUT ALL I HEAR IS, "BLAH, BLAH, BLAH |
| 475 | BLAH, BLAH." |
| 476 | ALL RIGHT, YOU AND ME, LET'S GO, RIGHT NOW! |
| 477 | ALL RIGHT, ENOUGH, ENOUGH! |
| 478 | ENOUGH, ENOUGH! |
| 479 | YOU TWO GO HOME. |
| 480 | I'VE GOT TO TALK TO JANINE. |
| 481 | I REALLY THINK YOU CAN TAKE HER. |
| 482 | YOU BETTER HOPE I DON'T SEE YOU IN THE HALLWAY! |
| 483 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 484 | ALL RIGHT, UH... |
| 485 | WE'VE GOT A LITTLE BIT OF A PROBLEM HERE. |
| 486 | THESE PEOPLE ARE MY FRIENDS. |
| 487 | YOU CAN'T TREAT THEM THAT WAY. |
| 488 | THEY SAID STUFF TO ME, TOO, YOU KNOW. |
| 489 | I KNOW, I KNOW, AND I'M GOING TO TALK TO THEM ABOUT IT. |
| 490 | BUT... THEY MEAN SO MUCH TO ME. |
| 491 | THEY'RE LIKE MY FAMILY, YOU KNOW. |
| 492 | IF YOU GUYS ARE GOING TO BE FIGHTING |
| 493 | ALL THE TIME... |
| 494 | I DON'T THINK WE CAN BE TOGETHER. |
| 495 | IT JUST CAN'T WORK, OKAY? |
| 496 | IT CAN'T. |
| 497 | I'M VERY UPSET. |
| 498 | OKAY, OKAY, WOULD IT HELP |
| 499 | IF I WENT OVER AND APOLOGIZED? |
| 500 | YEAH, YEAH, THAT WOULD BE VERY HELPFUL, YEAH. |
| 501 | WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT THE HALL? |
| 502 | I WAS JUST COMING OVER HERE TO APOLOGIZE FOR MY BEHAVIOR. |
| 503 | I WOULD REALLY LIKE IT IF WE COULD BE FRIENDS. |
| 504 | WELL, I KNOW THAT WOULD MAKE JOEY HAPPY |
| 505 | SO... I WOULD LIKE THAT, TOO. |
| 506 | GREAT. |
| 507 | COME ON. |
| 508 | WELL, I'M GLAD WE WORKED THINGS OUT. ME, TOO. |
| 509 | OKAY, I'LL SEE YOU. BYE. |
| 510 | OR I'LL HEAR YOU. |
| 511 | THAT'S IT, BIG GIRL, COME ON! |
| 512 | WAIT! |
| 513 | YOU BETTER RUN! |
| 514 | DID YOU HEAR THAT? |
| 515 | YEAH. |
| 516 | WHAT AM I GOING TO DO? |
| 517 | I DON'T KNOW, I'M SORRY, MAN. |
| 518 | YOU WANT TO GO WATCH? |
| 519 | YEAH. |
| 520 | HEY. HOW YOU DOING? |
| 521 | DID SHE MOVE OUT? |
| 522 | PRETTY MUCH. YEAH. |
| 523 | I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU BROKE UP WITH HER JUST LIKE THAT. |
| 524 | WELL, WHEN IT'S NOT RIGHT, YOU KNOW IT. |
| 525 | YOU OKAY? |
| 526 | YEAH, I'LL BE ALL RIGHT. |
| 527 | YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD CHEER YOU UP? |
| 528 | WHAT? |
| 529 | I'M GIVING THIS LECTURE |
| 530 | ON EROSION THEORIES TOMORROW NIGHT. |
| 531 | I THINK YOU SHOULD COME. |
| 532 | ( laughing ) |
| 533 | YOU'RE RIGHT, THAT DID CHEER ME UP. |
| 534 | |
| 1 | HEY, YOU'RE NOT GOING TO BELIEVE THIS. |
| 2 | I MADE UP A JOKE AND SENT IT IN TO PLAYBOY. |
| 3 | THEY PRINTED IT. |
| 4 | I DIDN'T KNOW PLAYBOY PRINTS JOKES. |
| 5 | YEAH, THEY PRINT JOKES, UH, INTERVIEWS |
| 6 | HARD-HITTING JOURNALISM. |
| 7 | IT'S NOT JUST ABOUT THE PICTURES. |
| 8 | IT DIDN'T WORK ON MOM. |
| 9 | IT'S NOT GOING TO WORK ON US. |
| 10 | HERE, CHECK IT OUT. |
| 11 | IT'S THE FIRST ONE, TOO. |
| 12 | RIGHT THERE. |
| 13 | ( all chuckling ) |
| 14 | THAT IS FUNNY. |
| 15 | IT WAS ALSO FUNNY WHEN I MADE IT UP. |
| 16 | WHAT? I MADE THAT JOKE UP. |
| 17 | UH, OH, NO, YOU DIDN'T. I DID. |
| 18 | UH-UH-OH, YES, I DID. |
| 19 | I TOLD IT TO DAN AT WORK AND HE SAID IT WAS |
| 20 | THE FUNNIEST JOKE HE'D EVER HEARD. |
| 21 | HEY, TELL DAN "THANKS." |
| 22 | WHAT? |
| 23 | I'M SORRY. I WAS JUST READING THE JOKE BELOW IT. |
| 24 | THAT ONE IS FUNNY. |
| 25 | MONICA, YOU REMEMBER ME TELLING YOU THAT JOKE, RIGHT? |
| 26 | NO. |
| 27 | SERIOUSLY? |
| 28 | WELL, YOU TELL A LOT OF JOKES. |
| 29 | LOOK, CHANDLER, IT'S MY JOKE. |
| 30 | HEY, IF IT MAKES YOU FEEL ANY BETTER |
| 31 | THEY DON'T PRINT THE NAME, SO IT DOESN'T REALLY MATTER |
| 32 | WHO GETS CREDIT, RIGHT? |
| 33 | I GUESS NOT. |
| 34 | HEY, GUYS. |
| 35 | HEY, JOEY! PLAYBOY PRINTED MY JOKE! |
| 36 | NO! NO! IT'S MY MINE! IT'S MY JOKE! |
| 37 | YOU CAN CALL THEM. THEY'LL TELL YOU. |
| 38 | IT'S MY JOKE. IT'S MY JOKE! |
| 39 | WHOA! WHOA! WHOA! |
| 40 | JOKES? |
| 41 | YOU GUYS KNOW THEY HAVE NAKED CHICKS IN THERE, RIGHT? |
| 42 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 43 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 44 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 45 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 46 | ♪ WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY, YOUR WEEK ♪ |
| 47 | ♪ YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 48 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 49 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME, TOO. ♪ |
| 50 | DUDE, DUDE, YOU HAVE GOT TO TURN ON BEHIND THE MUSIC. |
| 51 | THE BAND HEART IS HAVING A REALLY TOUGH TIME |
| 52 | AND I THINK THEY MAY BREAK UP. |
| 53 | HEY, LET'S GO WATCH THAT AT YOUR PLACE. |
| 54 | NO, NO, NO, MONICA'S WATCHING SOME COOKING SHOW. |
| 55 | COME ON, I DON'T WANT TO MISS WHEN THEY WERE SKINNY. |
| 56 | UH, HEY-HEY, CHANDLER, CHANDLER |
| 57 | YOU KNOW WHAT WE SHOULD DO? |
| 58 | YOU AND I SHOULD GO OUT AND GET SOME NEW SUNGLASSES. |
| 59 | WHAT? NO. I WANT TO WATCH THIS. |
| 60 | DID YOUR CABLE GO OUT? |
| 61 | NO, NO. THAT'S VH1. YEAH. |
| 62 | I GOT TO TELL YOU, THE MUSIC THESE KIDS LISTEN TO TODAY |
| 63 | IT'S LIKE A LOT OF NOISE TO ME. I DON'T KNOW. |
| 64 | JOEY, WHY IS YOUR CABLE OUT? UH... |
| 65 | OH, BECAUSE I HAVEN'T REALLY PAID THE BILL. |
| 66 | LOOK, IF YOU NEED MONEY WOULD YOU PLEASE, PLEASE |
| 67 | JUST LET ME LOAN YOU SOME MONEY? NO, CHANDLER. |
| 68 | LOOK, FORGET ABOUT IT, OKAY? |
| 69 | LOOK, I KNOW THINGS HAVE BEEN A LITTLE TIGHT |
| 70 | SINCE JANINE MOVED OUT-- GOD, WAS SHE HOT. |
| 71 | WHOA-HO. I KNOW. |
| 72 | BUT LOOK, I CAN HANDLE IT, ALL RIGHT? |
| 73 | I CAN... LISTEN TO THE RADIO, HUH? |
| 74 | AND, UH, HEY, ROSS GAVE ME THIS GREAT BOOK. |
| 75 | OKAY, FINE. YOU WANT TO SEE IF THE JOKE STEALER |
| 76 | WILL LET US WATCH THE SHOW AT HIS PLACE? |
| 77 | SURE. YEAH. |
| 78 | PAID YOUR PHONE BILL? NOT SO MUCH. |
| 79 | HEY. |
| 80 | IT'S ONLY YOU. |
| 81 | WH-WHAT ARE YOU DOING? |
| 82 | WE ARE LOOKING AT A PLAYBOY. |
| 83 | OH, I WANT TO LOOK, TOO. |
| 84 | YIKES! ( laughs ) |
| 85 | SO DO YOU THINK THAT THESE PICTURES... |
| 86 | ARE THEY TRYING TO TELL A STORY? |
| 87 | OH, WELL, YEAH, SURE. |
| 88 | I MEAN, LIKE IN THE CASE OF THIS YOUNG WOMAN |
| 89 | SHE HAS LOST HER CLOTHES, SO... |
| 90 | SO SHE RIDES NAKED ON THE HORSE, SHE'S CRYING OUT |
| 91 | "WHERE ARE THEY? WHERE ARE THEY?" |
| 92 | WELL, SHE'S NOT GOING TO FIND THEM |
| 93 | LYING IN THE GRASS LIKE THAT. |
| 94 | ( laughing ) |
| 95 | GOD... |
| 96 | OH... YEAH. |
| 97 | OH, REMEMBER THE DAYS |
| 98 | WHEN YOU USED TO GO OUT TO THE BARN |
| 99 | LIFT UP YOUR SHIRT AND BEND OVER? |
| 100 | YEAH. |
| 101 | YOU SEE, NOW... |
| 102 | SEE, NOW, I WOULD DATE THIS GIRL. |
| 103 | SHE'S CUTE; SHE'S OUTDOORSY. |
| 104 | YOU KNOW, AND SHE KNOWS HOW TO BUILD A FIRE. |
| 105 | I MEAN, THAT'S GOT TO COME IN HANDY. |
| 106 | HEY, I GOT A QUESTION. MM-HMM? |
| 107 | IF YOU HAD TO PICK ONE OF US TO DATE, WHO WOULD IT BE? |
| 108 | I DON'T KNOW. |
| 109 | ME, NEITHER. RACHEL. |
| 110 | WHAT? |
| 111 | I DON'T KNOW. |
| 112 | ME, NEITHER. |
| 113 | YOU KNOW, YOU FORGET HOW MANY GREAT SONGS HEART HAD. |
| 114 | YEAH. YEAH. |
| 115 | YOU KNOW, "BARRACUDA" WAS THE FIRST SONG I LEARNED TO PLAY ON THE KEYBOARD. |
| 116 | SO YOU HEARD IT, YOU REPEATED IT... |
| 117 | SO THAT MUST MEAN... YOU WROTE IT. |
| 118 | OH, YOU GUYS WITH THIS JOKE. |
| 119 | LOOK, I GOT TO SAY, I KNOW I CRACKED UP |
| 120 | BUT I'M NOT EVEN SURE I GOT IT. |
| 121 | WHAT? |
| 122 | YOU DIDN'T GET IT? |
| 123 | THE DOCTOR IS A MONKEY. |
| 124 | ( both laughing ) |
| 125 | AND MONKEYS CAN'T WRITE OUT PRESCRIPTIONS. |
| 126 | ( both laughing ) |
| 127 | YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO LAUGH AT MY JOKE. |
| 128 | YOUR JOKE? |
| 129 | WELL, I THINK THE HEF WOULD DISAGREE |
| 130 | WHICH IS WHY HE SENT ME A CHECK FOR $100. |
| 131 | SO YOU STOLE MY JOKE, AND YOU STOLE MY MONEY? |
| 132 | YOU KNOW... I WAS GOING TO STICK IT IN THE ATM |
| 133 | BUT NOW I THINK I'LL SHOW THE SEXY TELLER |
| 134 | THAT I AM A PUBLISHED WRITER. |
| 135 | WELL, SHE IS GOING TO KNOW THAT YOU STOLE THE JOKE. |
| 136 | WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO, FOLLOW ME DOWN THERE? YEAH. |
| 137 | WELL, I'M NOT GOING TO GO NOW ANYWAY. OKAY. |
| 138 | HERE YOU GO. OH. |
| 139 | UH... |
| 140 | UH, GUNTHER... |
| 141 | I CAN'T PAY FOR THIS RIGHT NOW |
| 142 | 'CAUSE, UH, I'M NOT WORKING |
| 143 | SO I'VE HAD TO CUT DOWN ON SOME LUXURIES LIKE, UH... |
| 144 | PAYING FOR STUFF, SO... |
| 145 | WELL... IF YOU WANT, YOU CAN WORK HERE. |
| 146 | UH, I DON'T KNOW. IT'S, UH, IT'S JUST... |
| 147 | SEE, I WAS A REGULAR ON A SOAP OPERA, YOU KNOW... |
| 148 | AND TO GO FROM THAT TO THIS, IT'S JUST... |
| 149 | AND PLUS, YOU KNOW, I'D HAVE TO WAIT ON ALL MY FRIENDS. |
| 150 | OKAY, BUT THE MONEY'S GOOD. |
| 151 | PLUS YOU GET TO STARE AT RACHEL AS MUCH AS YOU WANT. |
| 152 | WHAT? |
| 153 | FLEXIBLE HOURS. |
| 154 | OH. |
| 155 | MAYBE I COULD BE A WAITER. |
| 156 | COULD I USE THE PHONE? |
| 157 | SHE PICKED RACHEL. |
| 158 | I MEAN, SHE TRIED TO BACK OUT OF IT |
| 159 | BUT IT WAS OBVIOUS-- SHE PICKED RACHEL. |
| 160 | HE TOOK MY JOKE; HE J-JUST TOOK IT. |
| 161 | THAT'S WRONG. |
| 162 | YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE IS WRONG? |
| 163 | PHOEBE PICKING RACHEL. |
| 164 | YOU KNOW WHO ELSE PICKED RACHEL? |
| 165 | ROSS. YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE ROSS DID? |
| 166 | HE STOLE MY JOKE. |
| 167 | YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M GOING TO GET A JOKE JOURNAL, YOU KNOW? |
| 168 | AND DOCUMENT THE DATE AND TIME |
| 169 | OF EVERY SINGLE ONE OF MY JOKES. |
| 170 | THAT'S A GOOD IDEA. YEAH. |
| 171 | YOU KNOW WHAT'S A BAD IDEA? PICKING RACHEL. |
| 172 | THAT'S RIGHT. |
| 173 | DID YOU HEAR SOMETHING? |
| 174 | WELL, MAYBE IT'S THE SOUND OF ROSS |
| 175 | CLIMBING INTO MY BRAIN AND STEALING MY THOUGHTS. |
| 176 | I THINK IT'S COMING FROM THE LIVING ROOM. |
| 177 | I FINISHED MY BOOK. |
| 178 | ( knocking on door ) |
| 179 | HEY, YOU GUYS. |
| 180 | HEY. HEY. |
| 181 | OH, DON'T YOU GUYS LOOK CUTE. |
| 182 | YOU GUYS MAKE SUCH A CUTE COUPLE. |
| 183 | MONICA, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? |
| 184 | NOTHING. I'M JUST TRYING TO RECREATE SOME OF THE FUN |
| 185 | THAT WE HAD AT MY PLACE THE OTHER DAY. |
| 186 | REMEMBER? WHEN YOU PICKED RACHEL OVER ME? |
| 187 | ( laughing ): THAT WAS FUNNY. |
| 188 | YES, IT WAS KIND OF FUNNY. |
| 189 | IT WASN'T FUNNY AT ALL. |
| 190 | WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT? |
| 191 | WHY DIDN'T YOU PICK ME? |
| 192 | FINE. |
| 193 | THE REASON THAT I WAS LEANING |
| 194 | A LITTLE BIT MORE TOWARD RACHEL THAN YOU |
| 195 | IS JUST, YOU KNOW, YOU'RE... KIND OF HIGH MAINTENANCE. |
| 196 | OKAY, LET'S GO TO LUNCH. |
| 197 | THAT... THAT IS COMPLETELY UNTRUE. |
| 198 | YOU THINK I'M HIGH MAINTENANCE? |
| 199 | OKAY, PROVE IT-- I WANT YOU TO WRITE OUT A LIST |
| 200 | AND WE'RE GOING TO GO THROUGH IT POINT BY POINT. |
| 201 | NO, YOU'RE RIGHT-- YOU'RE EASYGOING. |
| 202 | YOU'RE JUST NOT AS EASYGOING AS RACHEL. |
| 203 | YOU KNOW, SHE'S JUST MORE... FLEXIBLE |
| 204 | AND-AND MELLOW, THAT'S ALL. |
| 205 | WELL, PEOPLE ARE DIFFERENT. YEAH, YOU KNOW, RACHEL-- |
| 206 | SHE'LL DO WHATEVER YOU WANT, YOU KNOW? |
| 207 | YOU CAN JUST WALK ALL OVER HER. |
| 208 | WHAT? WAIT A MINUTE. |
| 209 | WHAT, ARE YOU SAYING I'M A PUSHOVER? |
| 210 | I'M NOT A PUSHOVER. |
| 211 | OH, OKAY. YOU'RE NOT A PUSHOVER. |
| 212 | OH, MY... YOU THINK I'M A PUSHOVER. |
| 213 | WELL, WATCH THIS. YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 214 | YOU'RE NOT INVITED TO LUNCH. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THAT? |
| 215 | I THINK THAT'S PRETTY STRONG, IS WHAT I THINK. |
| 216 | COME ON, MONICA, LET'S GO TO LUNCH. |
| 217 | YOU START WORKING ON THAT LIST! |
| 218 | I CANNOT BELIEVE HER. I KNOW. |
| 219 | WHERE DO YOU WANT TO GO EAT? |
| 220 | OH... OH! I LOVE THAT JAPANESE PLACE. |
| 221 | I'M SICK OF JAPANESE. WE'RE NOT GOING THERE. |
| 222 | ALL RIGHT, WELL, WHEREVER YOU WANT TO GO IS COOL. |
| 223 | OH, HEY, GUNTHER |
| 224 | CHECK THIS OUT. |
| 225 | ( laughing ) |
| 226 | YEAH, THAT CHANDLER CRACKS ME UP. |
| 227 | HEY, ROSS, LISTEN, YOU WANT ANYTHING TO DRINK? |
| 228 | 'CAUSE I'M HEADING UP THERE. |
| 229 | UH, YEAH, I'LL TAKE A COFFEE. |
| 230 | THANKS, MAN. SURE. |
| 231 | COFFEE? NO. |
| 232 | COFFEE? 'CAUSE I'M GOING UP THERE. |
| 233 | OH, NO, THANK YOU. OKAY. |
| 234 | YOU GUYS NEED ANYTHING? 'CAUSE I'M HEADING UP THERE. |
| 235 | I'D LOVE A... ICE WATER. |
| 236 | ( chuckling ): YOU GOT IT. |
| 237 | JOEY... WHAT ARE YOU DOING? |
| 238 | ( chuckling ): JUST BEING FRIENDLY. |
| 239 | JOEY, I-I DON'T THINK YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO GO BACK THERE. |
| 240 | NO, NO, IT'S OKAY. RIGHT GUNTHER? |
| 241 | DON'T WINK AT ME. |
| 242 | AND PUT ON YOUR APRON. |
| 243 | ( chuckling ): OKAY. |
| 244 | I DON'T SEE YOU ASKING ANY OTHER PAYING CUSTOMERS |
| 245 | TO PUT ON APRONS. |
| 246 | JOEY... DO YOU WORK HERE? |
| 247 | NO. |
| 248 | WAITER? YEAH? |
| 249 | JOEY, WHAT'S GOING ON? |
| 250 | WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL US YOU WORK HERE? |
| 251 | WELL... |
| 252 | WELL... IT'S KIND OF EMBARRASSING, YOU KNOW? |
| 253 | I MEAN, I WAS AN ACTOR; NOW I'M A WAITER. |
| 254 | IT'S SUPPOSED TO GO IN THE OTHER DIRECTION. |
| 255 | SO IS YOUR APRON-- YOU'RE WEARING IT LIKE A CAPE. |
| 256 | I MEAN, THE JOB'S EASY, AND THE MONEY'S GOOD, YOU KNOW |
| 257 | AND I GUESS IF I'M GOING TO BE HANGING OUT HERE ANYWAY |
| 258 | I MIGHT AS WELL GET PAID FOR IT, RIGHT? |
| 259 | I JUST FEEL KIND OF WEIRD SERVING YOU GUYS, YOU KNOW? |
| 260 | IT'LL BE GREAT. OH... |
| 261 | JOEY, COME ON, I DID IT |
| 262 | AND IT WAS FINE. |
| 263 | YEAH. WHY WOULD IT BE WEIRD? |
| 264 | HEY, JOEY, UH, COULD I GET SOME COFFEE? |
| 265 | OKAY, I GUESS IT DOESN'T SEEM THAT WEIRD. |
| 266 | SERIOUSLY, I ASKED YOU BEFORE-- YOU STILL HAVEN'T GOTTEN IT. |
| 267 | SEE, NOW IT'S WEIRD AGAIN. |
| 268 | I THINK IT'S GREAT THAT YOU WORK HERE. |
| 269 | YOU'RE GONNA MAKE A LOT OF MONEY AND HERE'S YOUR FIRST TIP: |
| 270 | DON'T EAT YELLOW SNOW. |
| 271 | ( chuckling ) |
| 272 | 2:15. COFFEE HOUSE. |
| 273 | WELL, YOU KNOW, THIS IS GREAT-- FINALLY, I HAVE SOMEONE |
| 274 | I CAN PASS ON MY WISDOM TO. |
| 275 | LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT A COUPLE THINGS I LEARNED |
| 276 | WHILE WORKING AT THE COFFEE HOUSE. |
| 277 | UM, FIRST OF ALL, THE CUSTOMER IS ALWAYS RIGHT; |
| 278 | A SMILE GOES A LONG WAY; |
| 279 | AND IF ANYONE IS EVER RUDE TO YOU... |
| 280 | SNEEZE MUFFIN. |
| 281 | THANKS, RACH. |
| 282 | HEY, LOOK, YOU GUYS ARE JUST TERRIFIC, YOU KNOW? |
| 283 | NOW, HOW ABOUT CLEARING OUT OF HERE |
| 284 | SO I CAN GET SOME NEW CUSTOMERS, HUH? |
| 285 | IT'S ALL ABOUT TURNOVER. |
| 286 | ( laughs ) |
| 287 | JOEY... |
| 288 | SERIOUSLY, CAN I GET MY COFFEE? |
| 289 | OH, I'M SORRY, ROSS. |
| 290 | I'LL GET IT FOR YOU RIGHT NOW. |
| 291 | AND SINCE I MADE YOU WAIT, I'LL TOSS IN A FREE MUFFIN. |
| 292 | PHOEBE, WE WOULD LIKE TO TALK TO YOU FOR A SECOND. |
| 293 | OKAY. |
| 294 | SO... |
| 295 | MAYBE I AM A LITTLE HIGH MAINTENANCE |
| 296 | AND MAYBE RACHEL IS A LITTLE BIT OF A PUSHOVER |
| 297 | BUT YOU KNOW WHAT WE DECIDED THAT YOU ARE? |
| 298 | YES, WE ARE VERY SORRY TO TELL YOU THIS |
| 299 | BUT YOU, PHOEBE, ARE FLAKY. |
| 300 | HA! |
| 301 | THAT'S TRUE. I AM FLAKY. |
| 302 | SO, WHAT? YOU'RE JUST, UH, |
| 303 | YOU'RE JUST OKAY WITH BEING FLAKY? |
| 304 | YEAH, TOTALLY. |
| 305 | WELL, THEN I'M OKAY WITH BEING HIGH MAINTENANCE. |
| 306 | YEAH, AND I AM OKAY WITH BEING A PUSHOVER. |
| 307 | THAT'S GREAT. |
| 308 | GOOD FOR YOU GUYS! |
| 309 | I AM NOT HIGH MAINTENANCE! |
| 310 | AND I AM NOT A PUSHOVER! |
| 311 | WHO SAID YOU WERE?! |
| 312 | YOU DID! YOU DID! |
| 313 | I'M FLAKY. |
| 314 | I'LL SAY ANYTHING. |
| 315 | HEY, GUNTHER, CAN YOU COVER FOR ME? |
| 316 | I JUST GOT AN AUDITION. |
| 317 | NO, I'M LEAVING TO GET MY HAIR DYED. |
| 318 | REALLY? I LIKE YOUR NATURAL COLOR. |
| 319 | COME ON, IT'S A GREAT PART. |
| 320 | I'M THE LEAD GUY'S BEST FRIEND |
| 321 | AND I WAIT FOR HIM IN THIS BAR AND SAVE HIS SEAT. |
| 322 | LISTEN. LISTEN. |
| 323 | I'M SORRY. THAT SEAT'S SAVED. |
| 324 | THAT'S THE WHOLE PART? |
| 325 | OKAY, MAYBE HE'S NOT HIS BEST FRIEND, BUT... |
| 326 | OKAY, I'LL SEE YOU IN AN HOUR. |
| 327 | I COULD TOTALLY GET THAT PART. |
| 328 | I'M SORRY, THIS SEAT IS TAKEN. |
| 329 | OH, EXCUSE ME. NO, NO, NO, I... I DIDN'T MEAN YOU |
| 330 | BUT, UH, YOU BELIEVE ME, HUH? |
| 331 | I BELIEVED YOU WERE SAVING THIS SEAT FOR SOMEONE. |
| 332 | SO YOU'D HIRE ME, RIGHT? |
| 333 | FOR WHAT? |
| 334 | EXACTLY! ALL RIGHT, UH, |
| 335 | EVERYBODY, LISTEN UP. THE COFFEEHOUSE |
| 336 | IS GOING TO BE CLOSED FOR ABOUT AN HOUR. |
| 337 | All: WHAT?! |
| 338 | WE JUST GOT HERE. |
| 339 | YEAH, IT'S, UH, IT'S FOR THE KIDS. |
| 340 | YEAH, TO, UH, KEEP THE KIDS OFF DRUGS. |
| 341 | YUP, IT'S A VERY IMPORTANT ISSUE IN THIS MONTH'S PLAYBOY. |
| 342 | I'M SURE YOU ALL READ ABOUT IT. |
| 343 | THERE YOU GO. |
| 344 | IT'S MY JOKE. IT'S MY JOKE. |
| 345 | IT'S MY JOKE. IT'S MY JOKE. |
| 346 | YOU KNOW, I DON'T THINK WE'RE GOING TO SETTLE THIS. |
| 347 | NO. LET'S HAVE MONICA DECIDE. |
| 348 | YEAH. |
| 349 | YEAH. HEY, MON! |
| 350 | MON, GET OUT HERE! MONICA! |
| 351 | OKAY, OKAY. |
| 352 | YOU HAVE TO HELP US DECIDE WHOSE JOKE THIS IS. |
| 353 | WHY DO I HAVE TO DECIDE? |
| 354 | BECAUSE YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE THAT CAN BE FAIR. |
| 355 | I CAN'T BE FAIR. YOU'RE MY BOYFRIEND. |
| 356 | YEAH, BUT I'M YOUR BROTHER. WE'RE FAMILY. |
| 357 | THAT'S THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN THE WORLD. |
| 358 | DON'T TRY TO SWAY HER. |
| 359 | I'M YOUR ONLY CHANCE TO HAVE A BABY. |
| 360 | OKAY, LET'S GO. |
| 361 | ALL RIGHT, UM, OKAY, WE'LL EACH TELL YOU |
| 362 | HOW WE CAME UP WITH THE JOKE |
| 363 | AND THEN YOU DECIDE WHICH ONE OF US |
| 364 | IS TELLING THE TRUTH-- ME. |
| 365 | CHANDLER, YOU GO FIRST. |
| 366 | OKAY, I THOUGHT OF THE JOKE |
| 367 | TWO MONTHS AGO AT LUNCH WITH STEVE. |
| 368 | IS HE THE GUY I MET AT CHRISTMAS? |
| 369 | CAN I FINISH MY STORY? |
| 370 | DO YOU WANT ME TO PICK YOU? |
| 371 | SEE, I WOULD NEVER SNAP AT YOU LIKE THAT. |
| 372 | CONTINUE. |
| 373 | OKAY, SO STEVE SAID HE HAD TO GO TO THE DOCTOR |
| 374 | AND STEVE'S DOCTOR'S NAME IS DR. MOMPEY. |
| 375 | SO I SAID, "DR. MONKEY?" |
| 376 | AND THAT IS HOW THE WHOLE DR. MONKEY THING CAME UP. |
| 377 | ARE YOU KIDDING? |
| 378 | OKAY, LOOK, I STUDY EVOLUTION. |
| 379 | REMEMBER? EVOLUTION? |
| 380 | MONKEY INTO MAN. |
| 381 | PLUS, I'M A DOCTOR |
| 382 | AND I HAD A MONKEY. |
| 383 | I'M DR. MONKEY! |
| 384 | I'M NOT ARGUING WITH THAT. |
| 385 | I'VE HEARD ENOUGH. I HAVE MADE MY DECISION. |
| 386 | ( both grunting ) |
| 387 | YOU ARE BOTH IDIOTS. |
| 388 | THE JOKE IS NOT FUNNY AND IT'S OFFENSIVE TO WOMEN, |
| 389 | AND DOCTORS, AND MONKEYS. |
| 390 | YOU SHOULDN'T BE ARGUING OVER WHO GETS CREDIT |
| 391 | YOU SHOULD BE ARGUING OVER WHO GETS BLAMED |
| 392 | FOR INFLICTING THIS HORRIBLE JOKE UPON THE WORLD. |
| 393 | NOW, LET IT GO. |
| 394 | THE JOKE SUCKS! |
| 395 | IT'S YOUR JOKE. |
| 396 | IT IS NOT. |
| 397 | MY GOD, CHANDLER, THERE YOU ARE. |
| 398 | HI-I! |
| 399 | HEY, IT'S PHOEBE AND RACHEL. |
| 400 | WHY DON'T YOU TELL THEM |
| 401 | WHAT YOU WERE TELLING ME EARLIER |
| 402 | ABOUT ME NOT BEING HIGH MAINTENANCE. |
| 403 | MONICA IS A SELF-SUFFICIENT, TOGETHER LADY. |
| 404 | BEING WITH HER HAS BEEN LIKE BEING ON A VACATION. |
| 405 | AND WHAT MAY BE PERCEIVED AS HIGH MAINTENANCE |
| 406 | IS MERELY ATTENTION TO DETAIL AND... |
| 407 | ( mumbles ) |
| 408 | GENEROSITY OF SPIRIT. |
| 409 | WOW. YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 410 | THAT IS THE BEST FAKE SPEECH I THINK I'VE EVER HEARD. |
| 411 | REALLY? NO, I'VE HEARD BETTER. |
| 412 | WAIT. WAIT. HE CAME UP WITH THAT HIMSELF. |
| 413 | TELL THEM, CHANDLER. |
| 414 | I'M OUT OF WORDS. |
| 415 | SHOULD I JUST SAY THE WHOLE THING AGAIN? |
| 416 | I AM NOT HIGH MAINTENANCE. |
| 417 | I AM NOT. |
| 418 | CHANDLER! |
| 419 | YOU'RE A LITTLE HIGH MAINTENANCE. |
| 420 | ( gasps ) |
| 421 | YOU ARE ON MY LIST. |
| 422 | LOOK, I'M SORRY, BUT YOU'RE NOT EASYGOING |
| 423 | BUT YOU'RE PASSIONATE |
| 424 | AND THAT'S GOOD. |
| 425 | AND WHEN YOU GET UPSET ABOUT THE LITTLE THINGS |
| 426 | I THINK THAT I'M PRETTY GOOD |
| 427 | AT MAKING YOU FEEL BETTER ABOUT THAT. |
| 428 | AND THAT'S GOOD, TOO. |
| 429 | SO THEY CAN SAY THAT YOU'RE HIGH MAINTENANCE |
| 430 | BUT IT'S OKAY BECAUSE I LIKE... |
| 431 | MAINTAINING YOU. |
| 432 | I DIDN'T EVEN TELL HIM TO SAY THAT. |
| 433 | OKAY. |
| 434 | ALL RIGHT, YOU'RE OFF MY LIST. |
| 435 | I'M OFF THE LIST. |
| 436 | PHOEBE... |
| 437 | IT'S OKAY THAT YOU DON'T WANT ME TO BE YOUR GIRLFRIEND |
| 438 | BECAUSE I HAVE THE BEST BOYFRIEND. |
| 439 | YOU KNOW, SUDDENLY I FIND YOU VERY ATTRACTIVE. |
| 440 | HEY, BUDDY BOY, HOW DID THE AUDITION GO? |
| 441 | OH, NOT GOOD. |
| 442 | I DIDN'T GET THE PART AND, UH, LOST MY JOB HERE |
| 443 | SO... |
| 444 | WOW, THAT IS A BAD AUDITION. |
| 445 | HOW DID YOU LOSE YOUR JOB HERE? |
| 446 | WELL, I HAD THE AUDITION |
| 447 | BUT GUNTHER SAID I HAD TO STAY HERE AND BE IN CHARGE |
| 448 | SO HE COULD GO GET HIS HAIR DYED. |
| 449 | SO, I WENT ANYWAY AND THEN HE FIRED ME. |
| 450 | HE LEFT WORK IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DAY |
| 451 | TO DO A PERSONAL ERRAND AND LEFT YOU IN CHARGE |
| 452 | WHEN YOU'VE BEEN WORKING HERE FOR TWO DAYS. |
| 453 | THAT'S NOT RIGHT. |
| 454 | WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO? |
| 455 | WELL, JOEY YOU CAN'T LET HIM GET AWAY WITH THAT. |
| 456 | YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M NOT GOING TO LET HIM GET AWAY WITH THAT. |
| 457 | I'M GOING TO SAY SOMETHING TO... |
| 458 | NO, I REALLY SHOULDN'T SAY ANYTHING TO HIM. |
| 459 | NO, I SHOULD SAY SOMETHING TO HIM! |
| 460 | GUNTHER, I WANT YOU TO GIVE JOEY HIS JOB BACK. |
| 461 | THAT IS REALLY NOT FAIR THAT YOU HAVE TO FIRE... |
| 462 | OKAY. |
| 463 | WHAT? |
| 464 | HE CAN HAVE HIS JOB BACK. |
| 465 | THAT'S RIGHT HE CAN HAVE HIS... JOB BACK. |
| 466 | GLAD WE GOT THAT ALL STRAIGHTENED OUT. |
| 467 | THERE YOU GO, JOEY. |
| 468 | YOU GOT YOUR JOB BACK. |
| 469 | THAT'S GREAT. THANKS, RACH. |
| 470 | YEAH, PRETTY NICE, HUH? |
| 471 | NOW WHO'S A PUSHOVER? |
| 472 | RACH, YOU'RE IN MY SEAT. |
| 473 | I'M SORRY. |
| 474 | HEY, I NEVER GOT TO HEAR WHO YOU GUYS WOULD PICK |
| 475 | TO BE YOUR GIRLFRIEND. |
| 476 | OH, I'D PICK YOU, PHOEBE. |
| 477 | OH, YEAH. DEFINITELY YOU, PHEEBS. |
| 478 | YEAH, WELL, I KIND OF THOUGHT. |
| 479 | HEY. OH, HEY. |
| 480 | WAIT. I HAVE A QUESTION. |
| 481 | IF ONE OF YOU HAD TO PICK |
| 482 | ONE OF THE OTHER TWO GUYS TO GO OUT WITH |
| 483 | WHO WOULD YOU PICK? |
| 484 | NO WAY. I'M NOT ANSWERING THAT. |
| 485 | JOEY. |
| 486 | NO WAY. |
| 487 | I'M NOT ANSWERING THAT. |
| 488 | |
| 1 | OKAY, RACH, THAT'S MUFFIN AND ESPRESSO, $4.50 |
| 2 | ROSS, DOUBLE LATTE, $2.75 |
| 3 | CHANDLER, COFFEE AND SCONE, $4.25 |
| 4 | AND PHEEBS, HERBAL TEA, $1.25. |
| 5 | SO, ALL TOGETHER, THAT'S $12.75. |
| 6 | THIS COMING FROM THE MAN |
| 7 | WHO COULDN'T SPLIT OUR $80 PHONE BILL IN HALF. |
| 8 | HI. HI. |
| 9 | HOW MUCH DO I OWE FOR THE MUFFIN AND LATTE? |
| 10 | THAT'S ON THE HOUSE |
| 11 | COURTESY OF JOEY TRIBBIANI. |
| 12 | OH, GREAT. |
| 13 | WELL, TELL HIM THANKS. |
| 14 | AND SINCE, UH, JOEY SEEMS LIKE SUCH A NICE GUY |
| 15 | MAYBE WE COULD GO ON A DATE SOMETIME. |
| 16 | WELL, HE'S NOT USED TO WOMEN BEING SO FORWARD |
| 17 | BUT, UH, I COULD CHECK WITH HIM. |
| 18 | HE SAYS IT'S OKAY. |
| 19 | GREAT. THANKS. BYE-BYE. |
| 20 | HEY, JOEY, HOW COME OUR STUFF ISN'T FREE? |
| 21 | IT WILL BE WHEN YOU LOOK LIKE THAT |
| 22 | IN A TIGHT SKIRT. |
| 23 | THIS IS GREAT. I'M GETTING MORE DATES THAT EVER. |
| 24 | WAIT A MINUTE. |
| 25 | JOEY, YOU'RE ONLY GIVING AWAY FREE STUFF TO THE PRETTY GIRLS? |
| 26 | JOEY, THAT IS SO GROSS. |
| 27 | HOW ABOUT A SCONE ON THE HOUSE, BABY? |
| 28 | I'M PRETTY. |
| 29 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 30 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 31 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 32 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 33 | ♪ WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY, YOUR WEEK ♪ |
| 34 | ♪ YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 35 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 36 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME, TOO... ♪ |
| 37 | HEY, DOES ANYONE HAVE ANY GUM? |
| 38 | OH, I DO. |
| 39 | HERE, SORRY. |
| 40 | OH, YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 41 | NO. |
| 42 | WAIT A SECOND... |
| 43 | ( plastic bag rustling ) |
| 44 | I KNOW IT'S IN HERE SOMEWHERE. |
| 45 | YOU KNOW WHAT, I'M GOOD, I'M GOOD. |
| 46 | HEY. |
| 47 | HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? |
| 48 | SHOULDN'T YOU BE AT WORK? |
| 49 | UH, THEY SENT ME HOME. |
| 50 | THEY SAID I CAN'T WORK IF I'M SICK. |
| 51 | All: OH! |
| 52 | I'M SORRY YOU'RE SICK. |
| 53 | I'M NOT SICK! |
| 54 | I DON'T GET SICK. |
| 55 | GETTING SICK IS FOR WEAKLINGS. |
| 56 | IT'S FOR PANSIES. |
| 57 | HONEY, NO ONE THINKS THAT YOU'RE A PANSY. |
| 58 | BUT WE DO THINK THAT YOU NEED A TISSUE. |
| 59 | I HAVE NOT BEEN SICK IN OVER THREE YEARS. |
| 60 | ( sneezes ) |
| 61 | I'M GOING TO GRAB YOU SOME TISSUE. |
| 62 | I-I DON'T NEED |
| 63 | A TISSUE! |
| 64 | I'M FINE'D! |
| 65 | WHEN YOU PUT A "D" AT THE END OF "FINE" |
| 66 | YOU'RE NOT FINE. |
| 67 | I'M FINE... 'D. |
| 68 | I'M FINE... 'D. |
| 69 | OKAY. |
| 70 | YOU KNOW, IT'S A REALLY HARD WORD TO SAY. |
| 71 | ( knocking on door ) |
| 72 | YES? |
| 73 | HI. IS RACHEL HERE? |
| 74 | I'M HER SISTER. |
| 75 | OH, MY GOD! JILL! |
| 76 | OH, MY GOD! RACHEL! |
| 77 | HI! |
| 78 | OH, MY GOD! |
| 79 | INTRODUCE US. |
| 80 | WELL, THIS IS CHANDLER. |
| 81 | AND YOU KNOW MONICA AND ROSS. |
| 82 | AND THAT'S PHOEBE |
| 83 | AND THAT'S JOEY. |
| 84 | HEY, HOW YOU DOING? |
| 85 | DON'T! |
| 86 | HONEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? |
| 87 | WHICH-WHICH SISTER IS THIS? |
| 88 | IS THIS THE SPOILED ONE OR THE ONE THAT BIT HER? |
| 89 | DADDY CUT ME OFF. |
| 90 | NEVER MIND. I GOT IT. |
| 91 | AND YOU KNOW WHAT I SAID TO HIM? |
| 92 | I SAID, "I'M GOING TO HIRE A LAWYER |
| 93 | "AND I'M GOING TO SUE YOU |
| 94 | "AND TAKE ALL YOUR MONEY |
| 95 | AND THEN I'M GOING TO CUT YOU OFF!" |
| 96 | WOW, WHAT DID HE SAY? |
| 97 | HE SAID HE WOULDN'T PAY FOR MY LAWYER. |
| 98 | AND THEN HE TOLD ME TO COME HERE AND LEARN ABOUT THE VALUE OF MONEY |
| 99 | FROM THE ONE DAUGHTER HE'S ACTUALLY PROUD OF. |
| 100 | ( gasps ) |
| 101 | DID YOU HEAR THAT? |
| 102 | MY DAD'S PROUD OF ME. |
| 103 | MY DAD'S PROUD OF ME. |
| 104 | RACH... |
| 105 | OH, YEAH, SORRY. |
| 106 | OKAY, HONEY, SO WHAT DID YOU DO |
| 107 | THAT MADE DAD CUT YOU OFF? |
| 108 | OKAY, I BOUGHT A BOAT. |
| 109 | YOU BOUGHT A BOAT? |
| 110 | YEAH, BUT IT WASN'T FOR ME, IT WAS FOR A FRIEND. |
| 111 | BOY, DID WE MAKE FRIENDS WITH THE WRONG SISTER. |
| 112 | JILL, HONEY, I THINK THIS IS THE BEST THING |
| 113 | THAT COULD HAVE EVER HAPPENED TO YOU. |
| 114 | YOU'VE NEEDED TO GET OUT ON YOUR OWN, ANYWAY. |
| 115 | AND, YOU KNOW, WHEN I DID IT |
| 116 | I-I, AT FIRST I WAS SCARED, |
| 117 | BUT THEN, LOOK AT ME NOW. |
| 118 | I AM THE ONLY DAUGHTER |
| 119 | THAT DAD IS PROUD OF. |
| 120 | OKAY, THIS IS WHAT |
| 121 | YOU'RE GOING TO DO. |
| 122 | YOU'RE GOING TO GET A JOB. |
| 123 | YOU'RE GOING TO GET AN APARTMENT. |
| 124 | AND THEN I'LL HELP YOU |
| 125 | AND YOU CAN STAY WITH US. |
| 126 | RIGHT, PHEEBS? |
| 127 | OF COURSE, YEAH. |
| 128 | OH, THAT'S SO GREAT. |
| 129 | OKAY, I'M REALLY GOING TO DO THIS. |
| 130 | I DON'T KNOW HOW TO THANK YOU GUYS. |
| 131 | OH, I LIKE CARS. |
| 132 | UH, ARE YOU ALL FINISHED HERE? YES. |
| 133 | GREAT. |
| 134 | OKAY, HERE ARE THE TIPS FOR THIS MORNING. |
| 135 | MM. |
| 136 | JAN GETS $50, $50 FOR ME |
| 137 | AND JOEY OWES EIGHT DOLLARS. |
| 138 | WHAT? |
| 139 | FOR ALL THE FREE FOOD YOU GAVE AWAY. |
| 140 | WELL, IF IT'S FREE FOOD |
| 141 | HOW COME YOU'RE CHARGING ME FOR IT? |
| 142 | WE DON'T GIVE ANYTHING AWAY |
| 143 | UNLESS IT'S SOMEONE'S BIRTHDAY. |
| 144 | OH... WHA-WHAT IF THEY CAME IN THIRD IN A MODELING CONTEST? |
| 145 | NO. |
| 146 | HMM... |
| 147 | SORRY. |
| 148 | I JUST HAD THE HARDEST DAY. |
| 149 | SOME OF THESE ARE SO HEAVY. |
| 150 | JILL, HOW DID YOU PAY FOR ALL THIS? |
| 151 | I THOUGHT YOUR DAD TOOK AWAY YOUR CREDIT CARD. |
| 152 | OH, PLEASE. I MEMORIZED THOSE NUMBERS WHEN I WAS 15. |
| 153 | BUT, LOOK AT ALL THE COOL MAKE-IT-ON-MY-OWN STUFF I GOT. |
| 154 | THIS IS MY "PLEASE HIRE ME" SWEATER. |
| 155 | AND THESE ARE MY... |
| 156 | "DON'T YOU WANT TO RENT ME THIS APARTMENT?" PANTS. |
| 157 | I DON'T THINK CHARGING NEW CLOTHES TO YOUR DAD |
| 158 | QUALIFIES AS MAKING IT ON YOUR OWN. |
| 159 | OH, MR. SCIENTIST HAS TO GET ALL TECHNICAL. |
| 160 | SERIOUSLY, I DON'T THINK RACHEL'S GOING TO THINK IT'S SUCH A GOOD IDEA. |
| 161 | SO, WHO MADE HER QUEEN OF THE WORLD? |
| 162 | OH, I WOULD LOVE THAT JOB. |
| 163 | HEY, WHAT'S GOING ON? |
| 164 | HEY. |
| 165 | JILL... |
| 166 | DID YOU SHOP? |
| 167 | NO. |
| 168 | THEY DID. |
| 169 | Both: YEAH, WE WENT SHOPPING! |
| 170 | YOU WENT SHOPPING? |
| 171 | WHAT? AND THEN YOU JUST CAME IN HERE |
| 172 | AND PARADED IT RIGHT UNDER JILL'S NOSE |
| 173 | WHEN YOU KNOW SHE'S TRYING TO QUIT? |
| 174 | WOW, YOU GUYS, IT'S TERRIBLE. |
| 175 | SORRY, JILL. |
| 176 | SORRY-SORRY, JILL. |
| 177 | SO, WHAT |
| 178 | DID YOU GET? |
| 179 | OH, WELL, ALL RIGHT |
| 180 | I GOT... THANK YOU, I GOT THIS "I WANT A JOB" SWEATER. |
| 181 | OH. |
| 182 | AND THEN I GOT, UH, THESE... |
| 183 | ARE APARTMENT PANTS. |
| 184 | APARTMENT PANTS? |
| 185 | YEAH, YOU'VE NEVER HEARD OF THEM? |
| 186 | WELL, NO, OF COURSE, OF COURSE I'VE HEARD OF THEM. |
| 187 | ROSS, WHAT DID YOU GET? |
| 188 | HUH? |
| 189 | I GOT THIS... THIS. |
| 190 | A PASHMINA? |
| 191 | YEAH. |
| 192 | I-I LOVE THESE BABIES. |
| 193 | REALLY? |
| 194 | MM. |
| 195 | ROSS, WHAT'S A PASHMINA? |
| 196 | IT'S A RUG. |
| 197 | JILL. |
| 198 | ( fake crying and sobbing ) |
| 199 | I'M SORRY, RACHEL. |
| 200 | OH, COME ON. |
| 201 | YOU REALLY THINK THAT'S GOING TO WORK ON ME? |
| 202 | I INVENTED THAT. |
| 203 | RIGHT. |
| 204 | BUT I AM SORRY. |
| 205 | ALL RIGHT, IT'S OKAY. |
| 206 | ONE LITTLE SETBACK |
| 207 | IS OKAY. |
| 208 | BUT JUST DON'T LET IT HAPPEN AGAIN, ALL RIGHT? |
| 209 | OKAY. |
| 210 | NOW, SINCE DADDY PAID FOR ALL THIS STUFF |
| 211 | I SHOULD TAKE IT ALL AWAY |
| 212 | BUT I'M JUST GOING TO TAKE... |
| 213 | THE-THE PASHMINA. |
| 214 | AND THE-AND THE, UH, PANTS. |
| 215 | AND, YOU KNOW WHAT, I'M JUST GOING TO TAKE IT ALL AWAY |
| 216 | 'CAUSE THAT WAY, YOU'LL JUST REALLY LEARN THE LESSON, OKAY? |
| 217 | ALL RIGHTY. |
| 218 | WELL, I'M GOING |
| 219 | TO RUN A COUPLE OF ERRANDS |
| 220 | AND I WILL SEE YOU AT DINNER. |
| 221 | ( sighs ) |
| 222 | SHE TOOK ALL MY STUFF. |
| 223 | YEAH, EVERYTHING BUT... |
| 224 | THE LITTLE BLUE ONE. |
| 225 | ( gasps ) |
| 226 | OH! THAT'S THE BEST ONE! |
| 227 | OH, MY GOD! THANK YOU SO MUCH! |
| 228 | WELL, HEY... |
| 229 | OH, MY GOSH, THAT WAS SO LAME. |
| 230 | LIKE A PASHMINA COULD BE A RUG. |
| 231 | OH, YEAH, WELL, HOW ABOUT YOU WITH |
| 232 | "OH, I'M SORRY..." |
| 233 | OH, SHUT UP! IT WASN'T LIKE THAT AT ALL. |
| 234 | WHAT ABOUT- WHAT ABOUT WHAT I SAID |
| 235 | ABOUT THE APARTMENT PANTS? |
| 236 | HOW DUMB WAS I? HA! |
| 237 | WERE YOU THIS CUTE IN HIGH SCHOOL? |
| 238 | OH, STOP. |
| 239 | NO, YOU STOP. |
| 240 | NO, YOU STOP. |
| 241 | YOU STOP. |
| 242 | OKAY, OKAY, WHY DON'T I SIT HERE |
| 243 | AND THEN YOU'LL BOTH STOP IT. |
| 244 | OKAY, SO WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO? |
| 245 | LET'S DO SOMETHING CRAZY! |
| 246 | I KNOW. LET'S REST AND DRINK LOTS OF FLUIDS. |
| 247 | OKAY, I'LL REST, BUT, YOU KNOW, IF I'M GOING TO BED |
| 248 | THEN YOU'RE COMING WITH ME. |
| 249 | ( sniffs ) |
| 250 | SEE, THAT WOULD BE IMPOSSIBLE TO RESIST |
| 251 | IF YOU WEREN'T ALL DRIPPY HERE. |
| 252 | ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GET WITH THIS? |
| 253 | YEAH, I DON'T THINK YOU SHOULD SAY THAT |
| 254 | EVEN WHEN YOU'RE HEALTHY. |
| 255 | OH, COME ON. |
| 256 | ( coughing ) |
| 257 | DON'T TAKE THIS PERSONALLY, OKAY. |
| 258 | IT'S JUST THAT I JUST CAN'T HAVE SEX WITH A SICK PERSON. |
| 259 | I'M WITH YOU, CHANDLER. |
| 260 | I MEAN, I CAN'T HAVE SEX WITH A SICK PERSON, EITHER. |
| 261 | IT'S DISGUSTING. |
| 262 | BUT I'M NOT SICK. |
| 263 | LET ME PROVE IT TO YOU. |
| 264 | WE ARE TWO HEALTHY PEOPLE AT THE PRIBE OF LIBE. |
| 265 | SEE, THAT'S THE THING. |
| 266 | I WOULD LIKE TO STAY IN THE PRAHM-UB-LABH. |
| 267 | HEY. |
| 268 | HEY. WHAT'S UP? |
| 269 | UM... I THINK THERE'S SOMETHING YOU SHOULD MAYBE KNOW. |
| 270 | WELL, IT BETTER NOT BE ABOUT THE APARTMENT PANTS |
| 271 | BECAUSE I JUST PITCHED THE IDEA TO MY BOSS AT RALPH LAUREN |
| 272 | AND SHE LOVED IT. |
| 273 | OH, NO, NO, IT'S JUST... |
| 274 | I WAS, UM, I WAS WITH ROSS AND JILL |
| 275 | AFTER YOU LEFT AND, UM, I'M PRETTY SURE |
| 276 | I SAW A LITTLE SPARK BETWEEN THEM. |
| 277 | WHAT? |
| 278 | YEAH, I MEAN IT'S PROBABLY NOTHING |
| 279 | BUT I JUST WANTED TO WARN YOU |
| 280 | THAT THERE MIGHT BE SOMETHING THERE. |
| 281 | WITH ROSS AND JILL? |
| 282 | YEAH. |
| 283 | WITH ROSS AND MY SISTER? |
| 284 | YEAH. |
| 285 | WITH MY SISTER, JILL, AND MY EX-BOYFRIEND, ROSS? |
| 286 | YEAH. |
| 287 | OH, THERE IS NO WAY. |
| 288 | OKAY, THEN. |
| 289 | OH, MY GOD! |
| 290 | I CANNOT BELIEVE THAT! |
| 291 | I DON'T REALLY LIKE IT |
| 292 | WHEN ROSS GOES OUT WITH ANYONE |
| 293 | BUT MY SISTER?! |
| 294 | ISN'T THAT LIKE INCEST OR SOMETHING? |
| 295 | OH, MY GOD |
| 296 | AND THEY'RE GOING TO HAVE SEX. |
| 297 | OH, NO, AND WHAT IF HE MARRIES HER, TOO? |
| 298 | OH, THIS IS JUST TERRIBLE. |
| 299 | THIS IS JUST TERRIBLE. |
| 300 | AND I CAN'T STOP IT. |
| 301 | I DON'T OWN ROSS, YOU KNOW |
| 302 | AND JILL, SHE SHOULD BE ABLE |
| 303 | TO DO WHATEVER IT IS THAT SHE WANTS TO DO. |
| 304 | AND, OH, MY GOD, I CAN'T BELIEVE |
| 305 | ROSS IS MARRYING MY LITTLE SISTER. |
| 306 | OH, MY GOD. THIS IS JUST THE WORST THING |
| 307 | THAT COULD HAVE EVER HAPPENED TO ME. |
| 308 | BUT GREAT NEWS ABOUT THE APARTMENT PANTS, HUH? |
| 309 | THAT'LL BE $3.85. |
| 310 | WHAT DO YOU MEAN? YESTERDAY YOU SAID |
| 311 | I WAS TOO PRETTY TO PAY FOR STUFF. |
| 312 | IT'S JUST I CAN'T BECAUSE MY MANAGER SAID THAT... |
| 313 | ♪ HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU ♪ |
| 314 | ♪ HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU ♪ |
| 315 | ♪ HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR ANNIE... ♪ |
| 316 | AMY. |
| 317 | ♪ AMY ♪ |
| 318 | ♪ HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU ♪ |
| 319 | HEY, THAT'S WEIRD. |
| 320 | TODAY'S MY BIRTHDAY, TOO. |
| 321 | YEAH, NOT IN HERE IT ISN'T. |
| 322 | SORRY I'M LATE. |
| 323 | WHAT'S UP? |
| 324 | OH, HI. |
| 325 | UH, YOU KNOW, I JUST WANTED TO SEE |
| 326 | IF THERE WERE ANY LEADS ON THE OLD JOB FRONT. |
| 327 | OH, NO, BUT I JUST WALKED PAST THREE SALES AND I DIDN'T GO IN. |
| 328 | HOW STRONG AM I? |
| 329 | OH... |
| 330 | THAT IS GREAT. |
| 331 | HEY, YOU KNOW WHO DOESN'T HAVE TO JOB HUNT? |
| 332 | ROSS. |
| 333 | HE WORKS AT THE UNIVERSITY. |
| 334 | YEAH. |
| 335 | SO YOU KNOW THAT. YOU GUYS TALKED ABOUT THAT. |
| 336 | SO YOU GET ALONG. SO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING TO GO OUT? |
| 337 | ME GO OUT WITH ROSS? |
| 338 | NO. |
| 339 | GOD, NO! |
| 340 | WHAT WOULD MAKE YOU THINK THAT? |
| 341 | IT'S JUST... PHOEBE... SAID SHE, YOU KNOW |
| 342 | THOUGHT SHE SAW SOMETHING BETWEEN YOU GUYS. |
| 343 | NO. |
| 344 | I MEAN, HE'S NICE. |
| 345 | HE'S THE KIND OF GUY YOU'RE FRIENDS WITH |
| 346 | BUT HE'S NOT THE KIND OF GUY YOU DATE. |
| 347 | I MEAN, HE'S THE KIND OF GUY YOU DATE |
| 348 | 'CAUSE YOU DID, BUT... |
| 349 | ME... |
| 350 | NOT SO MUCH. |
| 351 | NOT SO MUCH. |
| 352 | UM, WHAT DO YOU MEAN? |
| 353 | I MEAN, IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG WITH ROSS? |
| 354 | OH, NO, NO, NO. |
| 355 | HE'S JUST... I DON'T KNOW. |
| 356 | YOU KNOW, HE'S JUST A LITTLE... BOOKISH. |
| 357 | ARE YOU SAYING HE'S A GEEK? |
| 358 | YOU THINK SO, TOO? |
| 359 | NO. NO, ROSS IS NOT A GEEK. |
| 360 | FINE. |
| 361 | THEN LET'S JUST SAY HE'S NOT MY TYPE. |
| 362 | HANDSOME IS NOT YOUR TYPE? |
| 363 | SMART, KIND, GOOD KISSER? |
| 364 | WHAT? THOSE THINGS AREN'T ON YOUR LIST? |
| 365 | ROSS IS A GREAT GUY. |
| 366 | YOU WOULD BE LUCKY TO BE WITH HIM. |
| 367 | WELL, OKAY, IF IT MEANS THAT MUCH TO YOU |
| 368 | THEN I'LL JUST ASK HIM OUT. |
| 369 | OH, NO, NO. |
| 370 | THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT. |
| 371 | I WAS JUST TRYING... |
| 372 | YOU KNOW WHAT, RACHEL. YOU'RE RIGHT. |
| 373 | YOU KNOW, HE HAS BEEN REALLY NICE TO ME. |
| 374 | YEAH, BUT HE'S NOT YOUR TYPE. |
| 375 | YEAH, BUT MAYBE THAT'S A GOOD THING. |
| 376 | YOU KNOW, I'M DOING ALL THESE DIFFERENT SORTS OF THINGS. |
| 377 | MAYBE I SHOULD JUST TRY DATING A GEEK, TOO. |
| 378 | YEAH, BUT YOU DON'T WANT TO TRY TOO MUCH, TOO FAST. |
| 379 | YOU KNOW, I MEAN |
| 380 | YOU DO REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED TO THE LITTLE GIRL |
| 381 | WHO TRIED TOO MUCH TOO FAST, DON'T YOU? |
| 382 | WHAT? |
| 383 | SHE-SHE DIED, JILL. |
| 384 | Monica: CHANDLER! |
| 385 | OH, WHAT IS IT, HONEY? |
| 386 | YOU NEED SOME TEA? |
| 387 | SOME SOUP? |
| 388 | OH, OH, OH! |
| 389 | CALLING DR. BING... |
| 390 | DR. BING, TO THE BED. |
| 391 | OH, GEEZ, HONEY, I THOUGHT... |
| 392 | I THOUGHT YOU WERE ASLEEP. |
| 393 | HOW CAN I BE ASLEEP |
| 394 | KNOWING THAT YOU WERE IN THE NEXT ROOM? |
| 395 | I WAS ASLEEP. |
| 396 | ( shivering ) |
| 397 | OH, NO, NO, NO, HONEY. |
| 398 | YOU KNOW WHAT'S SEXY? |
| 399 | LAYERS. |
| 400 | LAYERS ARE SEXY... AND BLANKETS ARE SEXY |
| 401 | AND, OH, HOT WATER BOTTLES ARE SEXY. |
| 402 | COME ON, GET INTO BED. |
| 403 | I WANT TO PROVE THAT I'M NOT SICK. |
| 404 | I WANT TO MAKE YOU FEEL... AS GOOD AS I FEEL. |
| 405 | ( sneezing ) |
| 406 | WOULD YOU PLEASE GET SOME REST? |
| 407 | I'M FINE... |
| 408 | ( coughing ) |
| 409 | ♪ HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU. ♪ |
| 410 | YOU'RE PAYING FOR THAT. |
| 411 | WHAT? NO, NO, IT'S HER BIRTHDAY. |
| 412 | YOU'VE SUNG HAPPY BIRTHDAY |
| 413 | TO 20 DIFFERENT WOMEN TODAY. |
| 414 | BUT IT REALLY... |
| 415 | YOU ARE NO LONGER AUTHORIZED |
| 416 | TO DISTRIBUTE BIRTHDAY MUFFINS. |
| 417 | DAMN IT! |
| 418 | RACH. |
| 419 | HI. HI. |
| 420 | DID YOU TELL YOUR SISTER TO ASK ME OUT? |
| 421 | WELL, YEAH... |
| 422 | OH, WOW! |
| 423 | I MEAN, WOW! |
| 424 | I THINK SHE'S CUTE |
| 425 | BUT I NEVER WOULD HAVE THOUGHT |
| 426 | OF GOING OUT WITH HER-- NEVER! |
| 427 | REALLY? |
| 428 | YEAH, BUT AFTER YOU SAID IT WAS OKAY, I FIGURED, WHY NOT? |
| 429 | OH, SO... SO, NOT REALLY NEVER? |
| 430 | I HAVE TO SAY |
| 431 | YOU ARE A MUCH BIGGER PERSON THAN I AM. |
| 432 | I MEAN, AFTER ALL WE'VE BEEN THROUGH |
| 433 | I JUST... |
| 434 | I WISH I HAD A BROTHER TO RECIPROCATE. |
| 435 | OH. |
| 436 | IF YOU EVER WANT TO GO OUT WITH MONICA |
| 437 | YOU HAVE MY BLESSING. |
| 438 | AND MINE. |
| 439 | CHANDLER? |
| 440 | I THINK I'M SICK. |
| 441 | REALLY? |
| 442 | STRUCK DOWN IN THE PRIB OF LIBE. |
| 443 | OKAY, FINE, I ADMIT IT. |
| 444 | I FEEL TERRIBLE. |
| 445 | WILL YOU PLEASE RUB THIS ON MY CHEST? |
| 446 | NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO! |
| 447 | YOU ARE NOT GETTING ME THIS WAY. |
| 448 | I REALLY NEED YOUR HELP. |
| 449 | NO, NO, NO, NO! |
| 450 | FINE, I'LL JUST RUB IT ON MYSELF. |
| 451 | OKAY. |
| 452 | SO, YOU'RE JUST... |
| 453 | KIND OF RUBBING IT ON YOURSELF? |
| 454 | YEAH? |
| 455 | IT'S NICE. |
| 456 | ARE YOU KIDDING ME? |
| 457 | IS THIS TURNING YOU ON? |
| 458 | YES. |
| 459 | WELL, I CAN'T BELIEVE IT. |
| 460 | WHAT IS IT? IS IT THE RUBBING OR THE SMELL? |
| 461 | IT'S ALL VERY, VERY GOOD. |
| 462 | OH... |
| 463 | SO, YOU WANT TO GO, UH... |
| 464 | MIX IT UP? |
| 465 | NOT NOW, I'M SICK. |
| 466 | OH, COME ON, YOU BIG FAKER! |
| 467 | WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR RULE |
| 468 | ABOUT NEVER SLEEPING WITH SICK PEOPLE? |
| 469 | WELL, THAT WAS BEFORE ALL THE... |
| 470 | VAPORIZING ACTION. |
| 471 | OKAY, IF YOU REALLY WANT TO HAVE SEX. |
| 472 | OKAY! |
| 473 | WORKED LIKE A CHARM. |
| 474 | HI. |
| 475 | HI. |
| 476 | WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? |
| 477 | THIS IS WHERE ROSS AND I ARE MEETING FOR OUR DATE. |
| 478 | SO, WHAT DO YOU THINK? |
| 479 | WELL, I... I DON'T LIKE IT. |
| 480 | REALLY? |
| 481 | IT'S KIND OF SLUTTY. |
| 482 | IT'S YOURS. |
| 483 | YEAH, WELL, I'M... I'M A SLUT. |
| 484 | ME, TOO. |
| 485 | HEY. |
| 486 | HI, JILL. |
| 487 | HI... |
| 488 | RACHEL! |
| 489 | RACHEL. |
| 490 | WELL... |
| 491 | YOU'RE NOT AT HOME. YOU'RE, YOU'RE RIGHT HERE. |
| 492 | YEAH, I KNOW. |
| 493 | I BET YOU THOUGHT IT WOULD BE WEIRD... |
| 494 | BUT IT'S NOT. |
| 495 | OKAY. |
| 496 | SO, WELL, I'LL, UM... |
| 497 | I'LL HAVE HER HOME BY MIDNIGHT. |
| 498 | ( forced laughter ) |
| 499 | ( crying ) |
| 500 | WHY AREN'T YOU HOME YET? |
| 501 | Monica: IS SOMEONE THERE? |
| 502 | OH, YEAH, IT'S ME. |
| 503 | SORRY. |
| 504 | Chandler: WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? |
| 505 | UH, I'M JUST... |
| 506 | I'M JUST LOOKING OUT YOUR WINDOW... |
| 507 | AT THE VIEW. |
| 508 | WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING? |
| 509 | WE GOT SOME VAPO-RUB IN SOME PLACES. |
| 510 | OH! |
| 511 | OH, HE BROUGHT HER BACK TO HIS APARTMENT. |
| 512 | WHO? |
| 513 | IS THAT YOUR SISTER? |
| 514 | OH, SHE IS A SLUT! |
| 515 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 516 | ROSS IS ON A DATE WITH YOUR SISTER? |
| 517 | HOW WEIRD IS THAT? |
| 518 | OH, MY GOD, LOOK, LOOK. |
| 519 | HE'S TAKING OFF HER CLOTHES. |
| 520 | HE'S TAKING OFF HER COAT. |
| 521 | Rachel: OH, THIS IS JUST TERRIBLE. |
| 522 | OH, NO, IT'S NOT. IT'S A FIRST DATE. |
| 523 | I'M SURE THAT NOTHING IS GOING TO... |
| 524 | OH! |
| 525 | OOH-HOO... |
| 526 | HE'S GOING TO GET SOME. |
| 527 | OF THE GLARE... |
| 528 | FROM THE STREETLIGHT... OUT OF HIS APARTMENT. |
| 529 | YOU KNOW, SO, UM... HE'S CLOSED THE DRAPES THERE |
| 530 | SO HE CAN HAVE A NICE, PLEASANT CONVERSATION |
| 531 | WITH YOUR LITTLE SISTER. |
| 532 | WELL, I'M OFF TO BED. |
| 533 | [Captioned by The Caption Center WGBH Educational Foundation] |
| 534 | |
| 1 | OH... UH, HEY, RACH. |
| 2 | UH, I WAS |
| 3 | JUST COMING OVER HERE TO, UH... |
| 4 | OH, WAIT. I DON'T HAVE TO LIE TO YOU. |
| 5 | YOU DON'T LIVE HERE ANYMORE. |
| 6 | UH... I'M EATING THEIR FOOD. |
| 7 | WHAT ARE YOU DOING? |
| 8 | ROSS IS ON A DATE WITH MY SISTER |
| 9 | AND THEY SHUT THE DRAPES TWO-AND-A-HALF HOURS AGO. |
| 10 | WHOA. I DIDN'T KNOW WE COULD DATE YOUR SISTER. |
| 11 | JOEY, WE KNOW YOU STEAL OUR FOOD. |
| 12 | I'M GOOD. |
| 13 | OH, ARE THE DRAPES STILL CLOSED, HONEY? |
| 14 | YEAH, YOU KNOW WHO SHOULD HAVE SHUT THEIR DRAPES |
| 15 | IS THAT PERVERTED OLD COUPLE TWO DOORS OVER. |
| 16 | IS THAT A SWING? |
| 17 | OH, DON'T EVEN ASK. |
| 18 | YECCH! |
| 19 | I CAN'T BELIEVE ROSS IS GOING OUT |
| 20 | WITH RACHEL'S SISTER. |
| 21 | WHEN CHANDLER MADE OUT WITH MY SISTER |
| 22 | I WAS MAD AT HIM FOR TEN YEARS. |
| 23 | THAT WAS, LIKE, FIVE YEARS AGO. |
| 24 | YEAH, YOU GOT FIVE YEARS LEFT. |
| 25 | JOEY... |
| 26 | YOU WANT TO MAKE IT SIX?! |
| 27 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 28 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 29 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 30 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 31 | ♪ WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY, YOUR WEEK ♪ |
| 32 | ♪ YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 33 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 34 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME, TOO. ♪ |
| 35 | OH, ROSS! HEY! HI, HOW ARE YOU? |
| 36 | THERE YOU ARE. HEY. |
| 37 | GIVE ME A CUP OF COFFEE. |
| 38 | SO HOW WAS YOUR BIG DATE LAST NIGHT? |
| 39 | UH, IT WAS OKAY. |
| 40 | IT WAS FUN. |
| 41 | YEAH? IT WAS FUN? MMM. |
| 42 | GREAT. |
| 43 | SO, UH... |
| 44 | SO, DID YOU GUYS HIT IT OFF? |
| 45 | I GUESS SO. |
| 46 | SO, D-DID ANYTHING HAPPEN? |
| 47 | BECAUSE RUMOR HAS IT YOU GUYS SHUT THE DRAPES. |
| 48 | NO, NO. NOTHING HAPPENED. |
| 49 | I SHUT THE DRAPES TO SHOW HER SLIDES |
| 50 | OF MY FAVORITE FOSSILS. |
| 51 | OH, SLIDES! |
| 52 | ( chuckling): SO REALLY NOTHING HAPPENED. |
| 53 | WELL... SOMETHING COULD HAVE HAPPENED, ALL RIGHT? |
| 54 | SHE REALLY DUG MY SLIDES |
| 55 | AND SHE WAS DEFINITELY GIVING ME THE VIBE. |
| 56 | WAS IT THE "PLEASE DON'T SHOW ME ANOTHER PICTURE |
| 57 | OF A TRILOBITE" VIBE? |
| 58 | ANYWAY... |
| 59 | IF SHE WASN'T INTO ME |
| 60 | WHY-WHY WOULD SHE ASK ME OUT AGAIN? |
| 61 | SHE ASKED YOU OUT AGAIN? |
| 62 | YEAH. UH-HUH. |
| 63 | TOMORROW NIGHT. |
| 64 | MMM. |
| 65 | VALENTINE'S DAY. |
| 66 | THE MOST ROMANTIC DAY OF THE YEAR. |
| 67 | WHO KNOWS WHAT COULD HAPPEN. |
| 68 | I MIGHT NOT BE SHUTTING MY DRAPES TO SHOW HER MY SLIDES, IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. |
| 69 | OKAY, OKAY, OKAY, OKAY! I GOT IT, I GOT IT. I CAN'T, I CAN'T, I CAN'T-- |
| 70 | I'M NOT GOOD WITH THE YOU-AND-MY-SISTER THING, OKAY? I JUST CAN'T. |
| 71 | IT'S JUST TOO WEIRD, ALL RIGHT? |
| 72 | I IMAGINE THE TWO OF YOU TOGETHER. |
| 73 | I JUST FREAK OUT! OKAY... |
| 74 | IT FREAKS ME OUT AND I CAN'T DO IT. NO, NO, IT'S OKAY. |
| 75 | IT'S OKAY. |
| 76 | HEY, IT'S TOO WEIRD FOR YOU. |
| 77 | I WON'T SEE HER AGAIN. THANK YOU. I... YEAH. |
| 78 | I MEAN, AFTER TOMORROW NIGHT. NO-NO-NO! NO-NO-NO! |
| 79 | PLEASE, ROSS, I CAN'T, I CAN'T DO ANYTHING. |
| 80 | IT'S GOING TO FREAK ME OUT! |
| 81 | OKAY, OKAY... OKAY. |
| 82 | I'LL TELL HER TONIGHT I CAN'T SEE HER ANYMORE. |
| 83 | ( sobbing ): OH, THANKS. |
| 84 | YOU WANT ME TO CALL HER RIGHT NOW? |
| 85 | OH, NO! |
| 86 | NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. |
| 87 | NO. I MEAN, COME ON. |
| 88 | THAT'S CRAZ... I MEAN, THAT'S CRAZY. |
| 89 | UH-HUH. |
| 90 | SO WHAT'S GOING ON WITH YOU? |
| 91 | WHAT IS GOING ON WITH YOU? |
| 92 | WELL, UM... |
| 93 | OH! I MAY BE TEACHING ANOTHER CLASS THIS SEMESTER. |
| 94 | YEAH, DO IT NOW. CALL HER RIGHT NOW. |
| 95 | ( sobbing ): THIS IS MY FAVORITE PART. |
| 96 | YEAH, ME, TOO. |
| 97 | OH, YOU KNOW WHAT'S SADDER THAN THIS? BAMBI. |
| 98 | I CRIED FOR THREE DAYS WITH THAT MOVIE. |
| 99 | NO, WAIT-- TWO. |
| 100 | 'CAUSE ON THE THIRD DAY, MY MOTHER KILLED HERSELF |
| 101 | SO I WAS PARTLY CRYING FOR THAT. |
| 102 | WELL, SEE, NOW, THAT, I CAN SEE CRYING OVER, |
| 103 | BUT BAMBI IS A CARTOON. |
| 104 | YOU DIDN'T CRY WHEN BAMBI'S MOTHER DIED? |
| 105 | YES, IT WAS VERY SAD |
| 106 | WHEN THE GUY STOPPED DRAWING THE DEER. |
| 107 | CHANDLER, THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH CRYING. |
| 108 | YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE SO MACHO ALL THE TIME. |
| 109 | I'M NOT MACHO. |
| 110 | YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT. |
| 111 | I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WAS THINKING. |
| 112 | NO, I GUESS I JUST NEVER REALLY CRIED, YOU KNOW? |
| 113 | I'M NOT A CRYING KIND OF GUY. |
| 114 | COME ON, MAN, THERE'S GOT TO BE SOMETHING |
| 115 | THAT GETS YOU CHOKED UP. |
| 116 | LIKE, UH... |
| 117 | UH, WHAT IF YOU SAW A THREE-LEGGED PUPPY. |
| 118 | I'D BE SAD, SURE... |
| 119 | BUT I WOULDN'T CRY. |
| 120 | OKAY, WHAT IF THE PUPPY SAID, "HELP ME, CHANDLER. |
| 121 | ALL THE OTHER PUPPIES PICK ON ME." |
| 122 | CRY? I JUST FOUND A TALKING PUPPY. |
| 123 | I'M RICH. |
| 124 | OH... I'VE GOT IT. |
| 125 | I HAVE GOT IT. |
| 126 | PICTURES FROM YOUR CHILDHOOD. |
| 127 | THIS'LL GET YOU GOING GOOD. OKAY... |
| 128 | ALL RIGHT, WHAT'S GOING ON THERE? |
| 129 | AH, THAT'S PARENTS DAY, FIRST GRADE. |
| 130 | THAT'S ME WITH THE JANITOR, MARTIN. |
| 131 | WHERE ARE YOUR PARENTS? |
| 132 | OH, THEY DIDN'T WANT TO COME. |
| 133 | OH, CHANDLER. POOR THING. |
| 134 | SO, THAT STORY DOESN'T MAKE YOU CRY? |
| 135 | NO! LOOK, I DON'T CRY. |
| 136 | IT'S NOT A BIG DEAL, OKAY? |
| 137 | NO, IT'S NOT OKAY! |
| 138 | ( voice cracking ): IT'S NOT OKAY AT ALL. |
| 139 | YOU'RE DEAD INSIDE! |
| 140 | EXCUSE ME. |
| 141 | YEAH? ARE YOU PHOEBE BUFFAY? |
| 142 | YEAH. |
| 143 | ( gasps ) |
| 144 | CAN I GET YOUR AUTOGRAPH? |
| 145 | I'M YOUR BIGGEST FAN. |
| 146 | OH, YOU'RE MY BIGGEST FAN? |
| 147 | I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO MEET YOU. HI. |
| 148 | SURE. YEAH. |
| 149 | WOW. |
| 150 | WOW, THANKS A LOT. |
| 151 | I JUST WANT TO SAY |
| 152 | I THINK YOU'RE REALLY TALENTED. |
| 153 | YOU'RE JUST SAYING THAT |
| 154 | 'CAUSE YOU'RE MY BIGGEST FAN. |
| 155 | JOEY, LISTEN |
| 156 | TAKE GOOD CARE OF THAT GUY, OKAY? |
| 157 | HE'S A FAN. |
| 158 | OH. |
| 159 | BYE. |
| 160 | SO... |
| 161 | YOU SAW ME ON DAYS OF OUR LIVES, HUH? |
| 162 | WANT ME TO DO A LITTLE DR. DRAKE RAMORAY FOR YOU? |
| 163 | I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT. |
| 164 | BUT I JUST GOT PHOEBE BUFFAY'S AUTOGRAPH. |
| 165 | OH. YOUR PHOEBE'S FAN. |
| 166 | OH, YEAH. I'VE SEEN ALL HER MOVIES. |
| 167 | MOVIES? |
| 168 | THAT WAS PHOEBE BUFFAY, THE PORN STAR. |
| 169 | ( chuckles ) |
| 170 | I DON'T THINK SO. |
| 171 | NO, NO, IT WAS. |
| 172 | SHE WAS IN SEX TOY STORY II. |
| 173 | LAWRENCE OF ALABIA. |
| 174 | AND I GOT HER AUTOGRAPH. |
| 175 | THE GUYS AT THE COMIC BOOK STORE |
| 176 | AREN'T GOING TO BELIEVE THIS. |
| 177 | GUNTHER. |
| 178 | HEY, DON'T LET THAT GUY IN HERE ANYMORE. |
| 179 | HE JUST SAID PHOEBE'S A PORN STAR. |
| 180 | WELL, I WOULDN'T CALL HER A STAR |
| 181 | BUT SHE'S REALLY GOOD. |
| 182 | YOU SHOULD CHECK OUT INSPECT HER GADGET. |
| 183 | HEY. HEY. |
| 184 | YOU'LL NEVER BELIEVE WHAT JUST HAPPENED. |
| 185 | ROSS JUST TOTALLY BLEW ME OFF |
| 186 | AND HE DIDN'T EVEN TELL ME WHY. |
| 187 | AH, WELL. |
| 188 | YOU KNOW WHAT, HONEY? |
| 189 | THE BEST THING TO DO TO GET OVER A GUY |
| 190 | IS TO START DATING SOMEONE ELSE. |
| 191 | OH! OH, THERE IS THIS GREAT GUY |
| 192 | YOU WILL JUST LOVE AT WORK NAMED BOB. |
| 193 | HE'S A REAL UP-AND-COMER IN HUMAN RESOURCES. |
| 194 | YOU KNOW, THANKS FOR TRYING TO CHEER ME UP |
| 195 | BUT I'M NOT GOING TO DATE |
| 196 | SOME RANDOM GUY FROM YOUR WORK. |
| 197 | NOT RANDOM. BOB. |
| 198 | OH... IT'S PROBABLY BECAUSE I'M NOT MATURE ENOUGH |
| 199 | OR SMART ENOUGH, OR... |
| 200 | MAYBE HE DOESN'T LIKE THE WAY I DRESS. |
| 201 | NO, THAT CAN'T BE IT. |
| 202 | IT'S REALLY GOT TO BE THE SMART THING. |
| 203 | OH, I'M SO STUPID. |
| 204 | I'M JUST THIS, LIKE, INCREDIBLY PRETTY, STUPID GIRL. |
| 205 | NO, HONEY... |
| 206 | OKAY. OKAY. DO YOU WANT TO KNOW |
| 207 | WHY ROSS CANCELED THE DATE? |
| 208 | BECAUSE I ASKED HIM TO. |
| 209 | YOU ASKED HIM TO? MM-HMM. |
| 210 | WHY? |
| 211 | BECAUSE YOU ARE MY SISTER |
| 212 | AND ROSS AND I HAVE THIS HUGE HISTORY... |
| 213 | I DON'T UNDERSTAND. YOU WANT TO GO OUT WITH ROSS? |
| 214 | NO. |
| 215 | YOU DON'T WANT HIM, BUT YOU |
| 216 | DON'T WANT ME TO HAVE HIM? |
| 217 | YOU KNOW BOB IN HUMAN RESOURCES? |
| 218 | OH! I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU DID THIS TO ME! |
| 219 | YOU HAD ME DOUBTING HOW SMART I WAS... |
| 220 | ( gasps ) |
| 221 | YOU HAD ME DOUBTING MY FASHION SENSE. |
| 222 | COME ON! THIS IS NOT THAT BIG A DEAL. |
| 223 | YOU JUST DON'T DATE ROSS. |
| 224 | THERE'S A MILLION OTHER GUYS OUT THERE. |
| 225 | HEY-- YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO TELL ME WHAT TO DO. |
| 226 | I'M NOT TELLING YOU WHAT TO DO. |
| 227 | I AM TELLING YOU WHAT NOT TO DO. |
| 228 | WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS SO JEALOUS OF ME? |
| 229 | OH, JILL, THIS IS NOT ABOUT ME BEING JEALOUS OF YOU. |
| 230 | THIS IS ABOUT YOU BEING A BRAT-- |
| 231 | WANTING WHAT YOU CAN'T HAVE. |
| 232 | "CAN'T HAVE"? |
| 233 | EXCUSE ME. THE ONLY THING I CAN'T HAVE IS DAIRY! |
| 234 | ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. |
| 235 | WELL, YOU JUST BLEW YOUR CHANCES AT DATING BOB. WHO? |
| 236 | ( screaming ): IN HUMAN RESOURCES! |
| 237 | I AM JEALOUS OF HER?! |
| 238 | I MEAN, WHO DOES SHE THINK SHE IS, PRINCESS CAROLINE? |
| 239 | YOU'RE JEALOUS OF PRINCESS CAROLINE? |
| 240 | DO I HAVE MY OWN CASTLE? |
| 241 | HEY, UH, PHOEBE'S NOT HERE, IS SHE? |
| 242 | NO. OH, GREAT. DID YOU GET A MOVIE? |
| 243 | UH... YEAH, YEAH. |
| 244 | BUT, UH... I DON'T THINK IT'S THE KIND |
| 245 | YOU'RE GOING TO LIKE. |
| 246 | YOU DIDN'T GET MORE MOVIES |
| 247 | THAT ARE GOING TO HAVE US REACHING FOR THE TISSUES |
| 248 | ALL NIGHT, DID YOU? |
| 249 | SORT OF. |
| 250 | GUYS, WHAT'S GOING ON? |
| 251 | UH... |
| 252 | PHOEBE'S A PORN STAR! |
| 253 | WHAT? WHAT? |
| 254 | Ross: YEAH! COME HERE. |
| 255 | WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? |
| 256 | "PHOEBE BUFFAY IN BUFFAY THE VAMPIRE LAYER." |
| 257 | OH, MY GOD! |
| 258 | THAT'S PHOEBE. WHERE DID YOU GET THAT? |
| 259 | WELL, DOWN AT THE ADULT VIDEO PLACE ON BLEEKER. |
| 260 | AND I SAW JOEY WAS ABOUT TO GO IN |
| 261 | SO I RAN IN AHEAD OF HIM |
| 262 | TO-TO SURPRISE HIM AND... AND THEN... |
| 263 | ( forced laugh ) |
| 264 | THEN I PRETENDED |
| 265 | THAT I DIDN'T KNOW HE WAS IN THERE. |
| 266 | WOW. I MEAN, I JUST... I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS. |
| 267 | YOU KNOW, I MEAN, YOU THINK YOU KNOW SOMEONE... |
| 268 | EVEN PHOEBE, WHO'S ALWAYS BEEN SOMEWHAT OF A QUESTION MARK. |
| 269 | MMM. |
| 270 | THIS IS SO BIZARRE. |
| 271 | I GUESS IT KIND OF MAKES SENSE, THOUGH. |
| 272 | YOU KNOW, SHE HAD SUCH A TERRIBLE CHILDHOOD. |
| 273 | I HAD A TERRIBLE CHILDHOOD AND I DON'T DO PORN. |
| 274 | YES, BUT YOU'RE DEAD INSIDE. OH. YEAH. |
| 275 | ALL RIGHT, WELL, I BETTER TAKE THAT BACK. |
| 276 | WH-WHY? |
| 277 | WE CAN'T WATCH THAT. |
| 278 | I MEAN, THAT'S PHOEBE. |
| 279 | YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT. |
| 280 | WE CAN'T. WE SHOULDN'T WATCH THIS. |
| 281 | ABSOLUTELY NOT. THAT GOES BACK. |
| 282 | YOU KNOW, MAYBE A LITTLE BIT. |
| 283 | HOW ABOUT JUST THE FIRST HALF? |
| 284 | NO... HEY, NO, THIS IS WRONG, YOU GUYS! |
| 285 | PHOEBE'S OUR FRIEND. |
| 286 | I'M NOT GOING TO WATCH IT. |
| 287 | YEAH! |
| 288 | GOOD FOR YOU, JOE. |
| 289 | Ah, I thought I'd find you here... |
| 290 | Nosferatool. |
| 291 | Buffay, are you going to plunge your stake into my dark places? |
| 292 | Actually, I was kind of hoping |
| 293 | it would be the other way around. |
| 294 | Monica: HOLD ON A SECOND. |
| 295 | WHAT IS THAT ON HER ANKLE? |
| 296 | HER ANKLE IS WHAT YOU'RE WATCHING? |
| 297 | WELL, IT'S HARD TO TELL... |
| 298 | OH, GOD, IF SHE WOULD JUST STOP MOVING. |
| 299 | SHE'S JUST DOING HER JOB. |
| 300 | YOU SICK BASTARDS. |
| 301 | OH, IT'S A TATTOO. |
| 302 | THAT'S WEIRD. PHOEBE DOESN'T... |
| 303 | WAIT, THAT'S URSULA! |
| 304 | THAT'S NOT PHOEBE. |
| 305 | THAT IS URSULA! |
| 306 | WAIT! WAIT! |
| 307 | THEN I CAN WATCH THAT. REWIND IT, REWIND IT. |
| 308 | HEY. |
| 309 | WHAT'S UP? |
| 310 | OH, MY GOD! WHAT AM I DOING?! |
| 311 | HEY, SWEETIE. HEY. |
| 312 | CHICKEN SOUP FOR THE SOUL? |
| 313 | THERE'S NO BACK TO THIS COUCH. |
| 314 | WHY ARE YOU READING THIS? YOU HATE THIS KIND OF STUFF. |
| 315 | YEAH, I KNOW, BUT I FIGURED I'D GIVE IT A SHOT. |
| 316 | MAYBE ONE OF THOSE STORIES WILL MAKE ME CRY |
| 317 | AND THEN YOU WOULDN'T THINK I WAS |
| 318 | YOU KNOW, ALL DEAD INSIDE. |
| 319 | AH, THAT'S SO SWEET. |
| 320 | BUT, CHANDLER, I DON'T CARE IF YOU CAN'T CRY. |
| 321 | I LOVE YOU. |
| 322 | AH, THAT MAKES ME FEEL SO WARM |
| 323 | IN MY HOLLOW TIN CHEST. |
| 324 | STOP IT. NO, I MEAN, COME ON, SERIOUSLY, THINK ABOUT IT. |
| 325 | WE GET MARRIED-- |
| 326 | I'M UP AT THE ALTAR, AND I'M LIKE THIS... |
| 327 | I WON'T CARE... |
| 328 | BECAUSE I KNOW THAT YOU'LL BE FEELING IT |
| 329 | ALL IN HERE. |
| 330 | YEAH? |
| 331 | YEAH. |
| 332 | AND IF WE HAVE A BABY ONE DAY |
| 333 | AND THE DOCTOR HANDS IT TO YOU |
| 334 | IN THE DELIVERY ROOM |
| 335 | AND YOU DON'T CRY... |
| 336 | SO WHAT? |
| 337 | AND IF WE TAKE HIM TO COLLEGE AND WE COME HOME |
| 338 | AND WE SEE HIS EMPTY ROOM FOR THE FIRST TIME |
| 339 | AND YOU GOT NOTHING... |
| 340 | WON'T MATTER TO ME. |
| 341 | OKAY. |
| 342 | WELL, I WON'T WORRY ABOUT THIS ANYMORE THEN. |
| 343 | YEAH, AND IF I DIE... |
| 344 | FROM A LONG ILLNESS |
| 345 | AND YOU'RE WRITING OUT MY EULOGY |
| 346 | AND YOU OPEN THE DESK DRAWER AND YOU FIND A NOTE FROM ME |
| 347 | THAT SAYS, "I WILL ALWAYS BE WITH YOU" |
| 348 | AND YOU STILL CAN'T SHED ONE TINY TEAR... |
| 349 | I KNOW YOU'LL BE CRYING A RIVER INSIDE. |
| 350 | OH, I LOVE YOU SO... |
| 351 | WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?! |
| 352 | WHAT? |
| 353 | YOU CAN'T SHED A TEAR FOR YOUR DEAD WIFE?! |
| 354 | NOW, I LEFT YOU A NOTE FROM THE BEYOND. |
| 355 | SO YOU DIDN'T MEAN ANY OF THAT? |
| 356 | NO, YOU ROBOT! |
| 357 | ( doorbell ringing ) |
| 358 | YOU DAMN KIDS. |
| 359 | YOU RING MY BELL ONE MORE TIME, I SWEAR TO... |
| 360 | OH, JILL. |
| 361 | UM, THAT'S JUST A LITTLE GAME |
| 362 | I PLAY WITH THE KIDS DOWN THE HALL. |
| 363 | UM... |
| 364 | THEY'VE REALLY TAKEN A LIKING TO ME. |
| 365 | UH, WHAT-WHAT-WHAT'S THE MATTER? |
| 366 | RACHEL AND I HAD A REALLY BIG FIGHT. |
| 367 | CAN I COME IN? |
| 368 | I KNOW WE'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO SEE EACH OTHER ANY MORE, |
| 369 | AND I'M OKAY WITH THAT. |
| 370 | IT'S JUST THAT I DON'T KNOW ANYBODY IN THE CITY |
| 371 | AND I REALLY NEED SOMEBODY TO TALK TO ABOUT IT. |
| 372 | OF COURSE. WHAT HAPPENED? |
| 373 | I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT. |
| 374 | OKAY, UM... |
| 375 | BUT YOU KNOW WHAT MIGHT REALLY CHEER ME UP? |
| 376 | WHAT? |
| 377 | SEEING SOME MORE OF YOUR SUPER COOL SLIDES. |
| 378 | WOW, REALLY? |
| 379 | TOTALLY. I LOVED THEM |
| 380 | AND MAYBE YOU COULD FINISH TELLING ME |
| 381 | ABOUT ALL THE DIFFERENT KINDS OF SAND. |
| 382 | WELL, I'D LOVE TO. |
| 383 | YOU WAIT RIGHT HERE. |
| 384 | I'LL GO GET THE PROJECTOR AND MY NOTES. |
| 385 | OH, GREAT. THANKS, ROSS. YOU'RE SUCH A GOOD FRIEND. |
| 386 | HEY, HAVE YOU GUYS SEEN JILL? |
| 387 | I CAN'T FIND HER ANYWHERE. |
| 388 | NO, I HAVEN'T. |
| 389 | WELL, IS ROSS HOME? |
| 390 | MAYBE I'LL CALL HIM AND SEE IF HE'S SEEN... |
| 391 | ( gasps ) |
| 392 | Ursula: WHO IS IT? |
| 393 | IT'S PHOEBE... |
| 394 | PHOEBE. |
| 395 | HEY. |
| 396 | OH, GOD. |
| 397 | SO-SO YOU'RE MAKING PORN MOVIES. |
| 398 | NO, I'M NOT. |
| 399 | Man: WE'RE STILL ROLLING. |
| 400 | YOU'RE MAKING ONE RIGHT NOW. |
| 401 | LET'S GO, PHOEBE. |
| 402 | AND YOU'RE USING MY NAME. |
| 403 | YEAH, CAN I HELP YOU WITH SOMETHING? |
| 404 | PHOEBE, COME ON. |
| 405 | LOOK, I'M TALKING RIGHT NOW. |
| 406 | YOU MEAN HER. |
| 407 | YOU KNOW... |
| 408 | TWIN STUFF IS ALWAYS A REAL BIG SELLER. |
| 409 | WHAT? |
| 410 | YEAH, I COULD TALK THEM INTO GIVING YOU LIKE... |
| 411 | $30. |
| 412 | NO. NO WAY. NO. |
| 413 | AND STOP USING MY NAME. |
| 414 | AND SHAME ON YOU |
| 415 | AND SHAME ON ALL OF YOU. |
| 416 | YOU'RE DISGUSTING... |
| 417 | ESPECIALLY YOU WITH... THAT. |
| 418 | SLIDES ARE ALMOST READY. |
| 419 | YEAH. |
| 420 | OOH, I KNOW WHAT THIS IS MISSING. |
| 421 | ALCOHOL. |
| 422 | UH, OKAY, WELL, THERE'S WINE IN THE KITCHEN. |
| 423 | OH, GREAT. |
| 424 | ( phone ringing ) |
| 425 | HELLO. |
| 426 | WHAT IS MY SISTER DOING THERE, |
| 427 | AND WHY ARE THE DRAPES SHUT? |
| 428 | OKAY, RACH, CALM DOWN, OKAY? |
| 429 | SHE'S... SHE'S REALLY UPSET. |
| 430 | WE'RE JUST TALKING. |
| 431 | I THINK SHE'S TRYING TO MAKE SOMETHING HAPPEN WITH YOU |
| 432 | TO GET BACK AT ME. |
| 433 | OH, SO THAT'S THE ONLY REASON SHE COULD BE HERE, HUH? |
| 434 | IT COULDN'T HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH THE FACT |
| 435 | THAT MAYBE I'M A GOOD LISTENER AND I PUT ON A GREAT SLIDE SHOW. |
| 436 | ROSS, I AM TELLING YOU |
| 437 | SHE IS USING YOU TO GET BACK AT ME. |
| 438 | YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 439 | I THINK I CAN TAKE CARE OF MYSELF. |
| 440 | I'LL TALK TO YOU LATER. GOOD-BYE. |
| 441 | WHOA. |
| 442 | UH, THAT WAS YOUR SISTER, ACTUALLY. |
| 443 | SHE... SHE THINKS YOU'RE JUST USING ME. |
| 444 | SO? |
| 445 | HEY. HEY. |
| 446 | SO, I JUST CAME FROM THE COMPANY URSULA WORKS FOR. |
| 447 | OH, NO, NOT YOU, TOO? |
| 448 | NO, I JUST WENT TO PICK UP PHOEBE BUFFAY'S CHECKS. |
| 449 | THERE WERE A LOT OF THEM. |
| 450 | NICE. |
| 451 | MM-HMM. |
| 452 | AND I WON'T HAVE TO GO BACK THERE ANYMORE |
| 453 | BECAUSE I GAVE THEM MY "CORRECT ADDRESS." |
| 454 | THAT'S GREAT, BUT ISN'T IT GOING TO BOTHER YOU |
| 455 | THAT PEOPLE STILL THINK YOU'RE A PORN STAR? |
| 456 | OH, NO, NO. |
| 457 | I KNOW HOW TO HANDLE IT. |
| 458 | WELL, GOOD. YEAH. |
| 459 | YOU'RE TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHERE YOU KNOW ME FROM? |
| 460 | I'LL GIVE YOU A HINT-- FROM PORN! |
| 461 | OKAY? |
| 462 | YEAH, YOUR PERVERT BOYFRIEND WATCHED ME IN A PORNO MOVIE! |
| 463 | SEE? |
| 464 | YEAH, YEAH. |
| 465 | HEY. |
| 466 | YOU, UH, YOU MAY HAVE BEEN RIGHT ABOUT JILL. |
| 467 | OH, I KNEW IT. |
| 468 | WHAT HAPPENED? |
| 469 | UM, SHE KISSED ME. |
| 470 | WHAT?! |
| 471 | YOU KISSED? |
| 472 | MAYBE WE SHOULD GIVE THEM SOME PRIVACY. |
| 473 | SHH! |
| 474 | LOOK, I, UH... |
| 475 | I TRIED NOT TO KISS HER, OKAY? |
| 476 | IT DOESN'T SOUND LIKE IT. |
| 477 | I MEAN, IT'S PRETTY EASY NOT TO KISS SOMEONE. |
| 478 | YOU JUST DON'T KISS THEM. |
| 479 | SEE, LOOK AT US RIGHT NOW, NOT KISSING. |
| 480 | LET ME FINISH, OKAY? |
| 481 | SHE STARTED KISSING ME, AND I... |
| 482 | DIDN'T STOP IT. |
| 483 | I GUESS I JUST WASN'T THINKING. |
| 484 | YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT, YOU WEREN'T THINKING. |
| 485 | I'LL GIVE YOU SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT. |
| 486 | HOLD ON. JUST... |
| 487 | BUT THEN I STARTED THINKING AND I STOPPED THE KISSING. |
| 488 | OH, WELL, THANK YOU FOR TAKING YOUR TONGUE |
| 489 | OUT OF MY SISTER'S MOUTH LONG ENOUGH TO TELL ME THAT. |
| 490 | LOOK, I REALIZED THAT, IF ANYTHING |
| 491 | WERE TO HAPPEN WITH ME AND JILL |
| 492 | THEN NOTHING COULD EVER HAPPEN WITH US. |
| 493 | WHAT? |
| 494 | NO, I MEAN... |
| 495 | LOOK, I DON'T KNOW IF ANYTHING |
| 496 | IS EVER GOING TO HAPPEN WITH US... |
| 497 | AGAIN EVER. |
| 498 | BUT I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THAT IT NEVER COULD. |
| 499 | SO I STOPPED IT. |
| 500 | AND... |
| 501 | SHE GOT MAD AND BROKE MY PROJECTOR. |
| 502 | WOW. |
| 503 | I-I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO SAY. |
| 504 | THANK YOU. |
| 505 | YOU'RE WELCOME. |
| 506 | ( sobbing ) |
| 507 | OH, MY GOD, ARE YOU CRYING? |
| 508 | I JUST DON'T SEE WHY THOSE TWO CAN'T WORK THINGS OUT. |
| 509 | ALL RIGHT, I'M LEAVING. |
| 510 | BECAUSE I'M NOT GONNA SPEND ONE MORE DAY WITH SOMEONE |
| 511 | WHO'S OUT TO SABOTAGE MY EVERY MOVE. |
| 512 | THAT'S YOU, RACHEL. |
| 513 | YEAH, I GOT THAT. |
| 514 | AND YOU... |
| 515 | I THROW MYSELF AT YOU |
| 516 | AND YOU SAY NO? |
| 517 | HOW GAY ARE YOU? |
| 518 | YOU TAKE CARE, JILL. |
| 519 | OKAY, SEE YOU. |
| 520 | BYE-BYE. |
| 521 | BYE. |
| 522 | ( sobbing ): I CAN'T BELIEVE JILL'S GONE. |
| 523 | I CAN'T HELP IT. |
| 524 | I OPENED A GATE. |
| 525 | |
| 1 | HEY, GUYS, GUESS WHAT? |
| 2 | BARRY AND MINDY ARE GETTING A DIVORCE. |
| 3 | ( exclamations ) |
| 4 | WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU?! |
| 5 | NO-- BARRY AND MINDY. |
| 6 | OH. SORRY. |
| 7 | I HEAR DIVORCE, I IMMEDIATELY GO TO ROSS. |
| 8 | WHO-WHO'S BARRY AND MINDY? |
| 9 | BARRY WAS THE GUY THAT I ALMOST MARRIED |
| 10 | AND MINDY WAS MY BEST FRIEND. |
| 11 | WASN'T HE CHEATING ON YOU WITH HER? |
| 12 | YEAH, BUT THAT JUST MEANS |
| 13 | THAT HE WAS FALLING ASLEEP ON TOP OF HER INSTEAD OF ME. |
| 14 | AH. |
| 15 | GOD, COULD YOU IMAGINE IF I'D ACTUALLY MARRIED HIM? |
| 16 | HOW DIFFERENT WOULD MY LIFE BE? |
| 17 | Ross: I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN. |
| 18 | I'VE ALWAYS WONDERED HOW DIFFERENT MY LIFE WOULD BE |
| 19 | IF I'D NEVER GOTTEN DIVORCED. |
| 20 | WHICH TIME? THE FIRST TIME. |
| 21 | NO, SERIOUSLY, IMAGINE IF CAROL |
| 22 | HADN'T REALIZED SHE WAS A LESBIAN. |
| 23 | I CAN'T. |
| 24 | I KEEP SEEING IT THE GOOD WAY. |
| 25 | I BET I'D STILL BE DOING MY KARA-TE. |
| 26 | TOWARDS THE END OF OUR MARRIAGE, I WAS DOING A LOT OF KARATE |
| 27 | AS A WAY OF RELEASING THE TENSION |
| 28 | FROM, YOU KNOW, NOT DOING ANYTHING ELSE PHYSICAL. |
| 29 | MAYBE THE PROBLEM WAS |
| 30 | YOU WERE PRONOUNCING IT "KARA-TE." |
| 31 | WHAT IF I WAS STILL FAT? |
| 32 | Y-YOU WOULDN'T BE DATING ME, THAT'S FOR SURE. |
| 33 | SURE I WOULD. |
| 34 | OH, YEAH. OH, COME ON. |
| 35 | WHAT? YOU GUYS REALLY THINK I'M THAT SHALLOW? |
| 36 | NO, I JUST THINK MONICA WAS THAT FAT. |
| 37 | HEY, IMAGINE IF I'D NEVER GOT FIRED |
| 38 | OFF DAYS OF OUR LIVES. |
| 39 | HEY, HEY, THERE'S CAROL AGAIN. |
| 40 | WHAT IF I HAD HAD THE GUTS TO QUIT MY JOB? |
| 41 | I'D PROBABLY BE WRITING FOR THE NEW YORKER-- |
| 42 | BEING PAID TO BE FUNNY. |
| 43 | BUT MY JOB'S FUN, TOO. |
| 44 | I MEAN... TOMORROW, I... I DON'T HAVE TO WEAR A TIE. |
| 45 | WHAT IF I HAD TAKEN THAT JOB AT MERRILL LYNCH? |
| 46 | WHAT? WHAT? |
| 47 | MERRILL LYNCH? |
| 48 | YEAH. I HAD A MASSAGE CLIENT WHO WORKED THERE |
| 49 | AND HE SAID I HAD A KNACK FOR STOCKS. |
| 50 | WHY DIDN'T YOU TAKE THE JOB? |
| 51 | BECAUSE AT THAT TIME, YOU SEE |
| 52 | I THOUGHT THAT EVERYTHING THAT RHYMED WAS TRUE. |
| 53 | SO, I THOUGHT, YOU KNOW, IF I WORKED WITH STOCKS |
| 54 | I'D HAVE TO LIVE IN A BOX AND ONLY EAT LOX |
| 55 | AND HAVE A PET FOX... |
| 56 | HEY, DO YOU GUYS THINK IF ALL THOSE THINGS HAPPENED |
| 57 | WE'D STILL HANG OUT? |
| 58 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 59 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 60 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 61 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 62 | ♪ WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY, YOUR WEEK ♪ |
| 63 | ♪ YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 64 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 65 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME, TOO. ♪ |
| 66 | OH, MY GOD. RACHEL GREEN? |
| 67 | ( gasping ) |
| 68 | ROB TILLMAN. |
| 69 | NO... |
| 70 | ( embarrassed chuckle ) |
| 71 | NO, NO, IT'S ME, ROSS. |
| 72 | OH! I'M SORRY-- ROSS TILLMAN. OH! |
| 73 | NO. NO, NO. |
| 74 | ROSS GELLER. |
| 75 | OH, OF COURSE! |
| 76 | MONICA'S BROTHER! |
| 77 | YEAH, RIGHT. |
| 78 | WOW! HOW ARE YOU?! |
| 79 | GOOD. GOO... I'M, I'M MARRIED. |
| 80 | OH. ME, TOO. |
| 81 | OH. WELL, OH... |
| 82 | ISN'T IT THE BEST? |
| 83 | OH, IT'S THE BEST. |
| 84 | ( sighing simultaneously ) |
| 85 | SO, UM, HOW'S MONICA? |
| 86 | OH, REALLY, REALLY GREAT. |
| 87 | ACTUALLY, SHE'S RIGHT DOWN THE STREET. |
| 88 | UM, DO YOU...? YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 89 | YOU SHOULD STOP BY AND SAY HI. |
| 90 | OH, I WOULD LOVE TO. |
| 91 | OH, OH, SHE'D BE SO EXCITED. |
| 92 | OH, OKAY. COME ON. |
| 93 | WAIT. DON'T YOU HAVE TO PAY FOR YOUR... BUSTY LADIES? |
| 94 | NO, NO, NO, T-THAT'S OKAY. |
| 95 | SOME, SOME KID ASKED ME TO PICK IT UP FOR HIM |
| 96 | ( laughing ): BUT I... |
| 97 | ( laughing ): OH, OKAY. |
| 98 | SO, MONICA |
| 99 | STILL GOING OUT WITH DR. BORING, HUH? |
| 100 | HE'S NOT BORING. |
| 101 | HE'S JUST... |
| 102 | HE'S JUST LOW KEY. |
| 103 | HERE WE GO. |
| 104 | ONE HAZELNUT LATTE. |
| 105 | THANK YOU. |
| 106 | YOU KNOW |
| 107 | THE HAZELNUT-- ACTUALLY NOT A NUT. |
| 108 | IT'S A SEED. |
| 109 | WOW. |
| 110 | CAN ANYONE ELSE NAME A WELL-KNOWN SEED |
| 111 | THAT'S BEEN MASQUERADING AS A NUT? |
| 112 | OH, DEAR GOD, LET ME THINK. |
| 113 | HEY. |
| 114 | Joey: HEY. |
| 115 | OH, NO. WHAT'S THE MATTER? |
| 116 | I JUST GOT ANOTHER REJECTION LETTER. |
| 117 | THEY SAID MY WRITING WAS FUNNY, JUST NOT "ARCHIE COMIC FUNNY." |
| 118 | YOU KNOW WHAT, HONEY? |
| 119 | I GOT TO GET BACK TO THE HOSPITAL. |
| 120 | ALL RIGHT. MMM. |
| 121 | OKAY. BYE. |
| 122 | OH, UH... |
| 123 | BY THE WAY, THE ANSWER IS... |
| 124 | THE BRAZIL NUT. |
| 125 | AH. |
| 126 | WAS HIS QUESTION "WHAT'S MORE BORING THAN HIM?" |
| 127 | HEY, MAN, LOOK, SORRY ABOUT THAT ARCHIE THING. |
| 128 | YOU NEED ME TO GIVE YOU SOME MONEY? |
| 129 | HEY, I MAY HAVE NO MONEY, BUT I STILL HAVE MY PRIDE. |
| 130 | REALLY? |
| 131 | EH... |
| 132 | HEY, MAYBE JOEY DOESN'T HAVE TO GIVE YOU THE MONEY. |
| 133 | TV STARS HAVE ASSISTANTS, RIGHT? |
| 134 | THAT'S AN IDEA. |
| 135 | HEY, IF I HIRED AN ASSISTANT, WOULD YOU TAKE MONEY FROM HER? |
| 136 | NO, JOEY. |
| 137 | CHANDLER COULD BE YOUR ASSISTANT. |
| 138 | SEE, HE COULD ANSWER ALL YOUR FAN MAIL AND STUFF. |
| 139 | THAT WOULD BE GREAT. |
| 140 | LET'S DO THAT. |
| 141 | IT COULD GIVE ME TIME TO WRITE. |
| 142 | ALL RIGHT, GREAT. WELCOME ABOARD. |
| 143 | OKAY. ALL RIGHT. |
| 144 | I NEED TO USE THE BATHROOM |
| 145 | AND SINCE I DON'T NEED ASSISTANCE IN THERE |
| 146 | TAKE A BREAK! |
| 147 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 148 | HEY. |
| 149 | Monica: HEY, PHOEBE. |
| 150 | GUESS WHAT? WHAT? |
| 151 | JOEY JUST HIRED CHANDLER TO BE HIS ASSISTANT. |
| 152 | OH, THAT'S SO SWEET. |
| 153 | ( phone ringing ) |
| 154 | OH! HANG ON! |
| 155 | HANG ON! |
| 156 | ( ringing continues ) |
| 157 | GO. |
| 158 | NO. NO, NO. |
| 159 | I SAID SELL WHEN IT HITS 50. |
| 160 | FIVE-"O". IT'S A NUMBER. |
| 161 | IT COMES AFTER FOUR-NINE. |
| 162 | OH, IT'S OKAY. IT'S OKAY. |
| 163 | YOU'RE ALLOWED ONE MISTAKE. |
| 164 | JUST KIDDING. |
| 165 | YOU ARE, OF COURSE, FIRED. |
| 166 | OH...! |
| 167 | HEY, MON. MON. |
| 168 | LOOK WHO I RAN INTO. |
| 169 | ( gasping ) |
| 170 | OH, MY GOD! RACHEL! |
| 171 | GOSH, YOU LOOK TERRIFIC! |
| 172 | OH, SO DO YOU! |
| 173 | ( laughing ) |
| 174 | DID YOU LOSE WEIGHT? |
| 175 | YOU'RE SO SWEET TO NOTICE! |
| 176 | YES, I LOST THREE-AND-A-HALF POUNDS! |
| 177 | AH! |
| 178 | ( laughing ) |
| 179 | AND, UH, YOU REMEMBER MY FRIEND CHANDLER. |
| 180 | AND, UH, AND THAT'S PHOEBE OVER THERE. |
| 181 | HI. |
| 182 | OH, MY GOD! SIT DOWN. |
| 183 | HOW LONG HAS IT BEEN SINCE WE'VE SEEN EACH OTHER? |
| 184 | 1987-- |
| 185 | THE DAY AFTER CHRISTMAS. |
| 186 | SHAUN McMAHAN'S PARTY. |
| 187 | I PLAYED YOU ONE OF MY SONGS-- |
| 188 | YOU KNOW, UH |
| 189 | "INTERPLANETARY COURTSHIP RITUAL." |
| 190 | OH, YEAH. |
| 191 | RIGHT. |
| 192 | SO, UH, DO YOU STILL DO MUSIC? |
| 193 | WELL, SOMETIMES. |
| 194 | YOU SHOULD COME OVER. |
| 195 | I'LL PLAY YOU ONE OF MY... |
| 196 | OH, MY GOD! |
| 197 | JOEY TRIBBIANI FROM DAYS OF OUR LIVES |
| 198 | JUST WALKED IN HERE. |
| 199 | RACH, HE'S A FRIEND OF OURS. |
| 200 | YOU ARE FRIENDS WITH DR. DRAKE RAMORAY? |
| 201 | MM-HMM. |
| 202 | WELL, IT'S KIND OF HARD TO BE FRIENDS WITH DRAKE |
| 203 | BECAUSE OF HIS BUSY SCHEDULE, AND THE FACT THAT HE'S NOT REAL. |
| 204 | HEY, HEY, OR I COULD BRING MY KEYBOARD HERE SOMETIME. |
| 205 | HE'S COMING OVER, HE'S COMING OVER. |
| 206 | JOEY... I KNOW. HERE, HERE. |
| 207 | OH...! |
| 208 | NO. |
| 209 | THIS IS MY FRIEND, RACHEL. |
| 210 | WE WENT TO HIGH SCHOOL TOGETHER. |
| 211 | ( hysterical laugh ) |
| 212 | HI. HI! |
| 213 | I LOVE YOU ON THAT SHOW! |
| 214 | OH... |
| 215 | I WATCH YOU EVERY DAY. |
| 216 | I MEAN, WHEN YOU TOOK OUT YOUR OWN KIDNEY |
| 217 | TO SAVE YOUR EX-WIFE |
| 218 | EVEN THOUGH SHE TRIED TO KILL YOU... |
| 219 | WELL, IT'S ALWAYS NICE TO MEET THE FANS. |
| 220 | AH...! |
| 221 | SHE'S NOT CRAZY, IS SHE? |
| 222 | NO, SHE'S COOL. |
| 223 | SO, UH... |
| 224 | HOW YOU DOING? |
| 225 | ( hysterical giggles ) |
| 226 | ( phone ringing ) |
| 227 | HANG ON. |
| 228 | HANG ON. |
| 229 | HANG ON. |
| 230 | GO. |
| 231 | WHO IS THIS? |
| 232 | OH, OKAY. YOU'RE GOING TO LIKE WORKING FOR ME. |
| 233 | WHAT'S YOUR NAME? |
| 234 | WHAT KIND OF NAME IS BRINDY? |
| 235 | I... WHATEVE... STOP TALKING. |
| 236 | ALL RIGHT, FROM NOW ON, YOUR NAME IS JOAN. |
| 237 | YOU CAN PICK YOUR OWN LAST NAME. |
| 238 | HEY, THERE YOU ARE. |
| 239 | UH-OH, IT'S MY BOSS. |
| 240 | ALL RIGHT, HERE'S A LIST OF THINGS |
| 241 | FOR YOU TO DO TODAY. |
| 242 | MAN, THIS IS GOING TO BE SO GREAT. |
| 243 | THANK YOU SO MUCH. |
| 244 | I GOT TO GO TO WORK. |
| 245 | I'M DELIVERING TWINS TODAY, BUT ONLY ONE OF THEM... IS MINE. |
| 246 | ( snaps fingers ) |
| 247 | ( door shuts ) |
| 248 | "DROP OFF MY DRY CLEANING, PICK UP MY VITAMINS... |
| 249 | "TEACH ME HOW TO SPELL VITAMINS... |
| 250 | WEAR IN MY NEW JEANS." |
| 251 | YOU REALIZE WHAT YOU ARE, DON'T YOU? |
| 252 | WHAT? YOU'RE HIS BITCH. |
| 253 | Phoebe: NO! NO! |
| 254 | NO! |
| 255 | WAIT. YOU DIDN'T JUST SIT ON MY KIT KATS, DID YOU? |
| 256 | NO. THERE WAS A LITTLE, LITTLE DIP IN THE MARKET |
| 257 | AND I LOST $13 MILLION. |
| 258 | BUT THE KIT KATS ARE ALL RIGHT? |
| 259 | WHAT AM I GOING TO DO? WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?! |
| 260 | I CAN'T CALL MY OFFICE-- THEY'LL KILL ME. |
| 261 | I CAN'T CALL MY CLIENTS-- THEY'LL KILL THEMSELVES. |
| 262 | GREAT. NOW MY CHEST HURTS. |
| 263 | WHAT? |
| 264 | MY CHEST HURTS. |
| 265 | OH... |
| 266 | YEAH, AND NOW I, I CAN'T BREATHE. |
| 267 | ARE YOU HAVING A HEART ATTACK? |
| 268 | IF I WERE, WOULD I HAVE SHOOTING PAINS UP AND DOWN MY LEFT ARM? |
| 269 | YES. |
| 270 | THEN, YES, THAT IS WHAT I'M HAVING. |
| 271 | OH, MY GOD! |
| 272 | COME ON, PHEEBS, IT'S NOT |
| 273 | THAT BAD. |
| 274 | MOST PEOPLE WOULD BE EXCITED |
| 275 | IF THEY DIDN'T HAVE TO WORK FOR A COUPLE OF WEEKS. |
| 276 | MOST PEOPLE DON'T LIKE THEIR JOBS. |
| 277 | I LOVE MY JOB. |
| 278 | I'VE BEEN NOT WORKING FOR THREE HOURS |
| 279 | AND I'M ALREADY GOING CRAZY. |
| 280 | I MISS JOAN. |
| 281 | HONEY, HAVING A HEART ATTACK IS NATURE'S WAY OF TELLING YOU |
| 282 | TO SLOW IT DOWN. |
| 283 | I ALWAYS THOUGHT HAVING A HEART ATTACK |
| 284 | WAS NATURE'S WAY OF TELLING YOU TO DIE. |
| 285 | BUT YOU'RE NOT GOING TO DIE. |
| 286 | I MEAN, YOU ARE GOING TO DIE |
| 287 | BUT YOU'RE NOT GOING TO DIE TODAY. |
| 288 | I WISH I WAS DEAD. |
| 289 | LET'S TAKE A WALK. |
| 290 | YOU KNOW, MAYBE YOU SHOULD CONSIDER WRITING |
| 291 | FOR TALKING OUT OF YOUR ASS MAGAZINE. |
| 292 | SO, WHAT'S GOING ON WITH YOU? |
| 293 | WELL, UM, I'VE BEEN DOING A LOT MORE OF MY KARA-TE. |
| 294 | STILL GOING THROUGH THAT DRY SPELL WITH CAROL? |
| 295 | YEAH. |
| 296 | HOW LONG HAS IT BEEN SINCE YOU'VE HAD SEX? |
| 297 | WELL... LAST WEEKEND... |
| 298 | OH, THAT'S NOT SO BAD. |
| 299 | ...WILL BE TWO MONTHS... |
| 300 | SINCE I STOPPED TRYING. |
| 301 | MAYBE YOU NEED TO SPICE THINGS UP A LITTLE. |
| 302 | WHAT DO YOU MEAN? I DON'T KNOW. |
| 303 | YOU COULD TIE HER UP, SHE COULD TIE YOU UP |
| 304 | YOU COULD EAT STUFF OFF EACH OTHER. |
| 305 | HUH. |
| 306 | YOU KNOW, DIRTY TALK, MENAGE A TROIS, TOYS... |
| 307 | WOW. |
| 308 | ROLE PLAYING. |
| 309 | YOU COULD BE THE WARDEN, SHE COULD BE THE PRISONER |
| 310 | YOU COULD BE THE PIRATE, SHE COULD BE THE WENCH... |
| 311 | OKAY, I THINK I GOT IT. |
| 312 | OR YOU COULD BE TWO STOCKBROKERS |
| 313 | AND YOU'RE ROLLING AROUND NAKED ON THE TRADING FLOOR, AND EVERYBODY'S WATCHING. |
| 314 | IT NEVER HAPPENED. |
| 315 | ALL RIGHT, AND OVER THERE |
| 316 | IS BRADY'S PUB, WHERE I LIKE TO UNWIND |
| 317 | AFTER A LONG DAY OF SURGEONING. |
| 318 | WOW! OH, THIS IS SO AMAZING. |
| 319 | WHAT ELSE? WHAT ELSE? |
| 320 | WELL, THAT IS A LARGE PIECE OF TELEVISION EQUIPMENT |
| 321 | AND, UH, THAT IS AN OLD MAN. |
| 322 | HEY, OLD MAN. HI. |
| 323 | ALL RIGHTY. |
| 324 | WHAT DO YOU SAY WE HEAD BACK TO MY PLACE? |
| 325 | WELL, WELL... |
| 326 | UM, YOU KNOW, I WOULD REALLY LOVE TO |
| 327 | BUT I-I SHOULDN'T. |
| 328 | WHY? WHY... CAN'T THE WORLD STOP TURNING... |
| 329 | JUST FOR A MOMENT? |
| 330 | JUST FOR US? |
| 331 | ISN'T THAT A LINE FROM THE SHOW? |
| 332 | UH... YEAH, BUT, UH... |
| 333 | I MAY HAVE SAID THOSE THINGS BEFORE, BUT... |
| 334 | I NEVER TRULY MEANT THEM... |
| 335 | UNTIL NOW. |
| 336 | THAT'S A LINE FROM THE SHOW, TOO. |
| 337 | OKAY, YOU WATCH TOO MUCH TV. |
| 338 | Chandler: HERE YOU GO, JOE. |
| 339 | HE'S THE FRESHLY SQUEEZED ORANGE JUICE YOU ASKED FOR. |
| 340 | THANKS. |
| 341 | YEAH, THERE'S PULP IN THAT. |
| 342 | YEAH. |
| 343 | ( chuckles ) |
| 344 | I THOUGHT WE TALKED ABOUT THIS. |
| 345 | I DON'T LIKE PULP. |
| 346 | NO PULP. |
| 347 | PULP ISN'T JUICE. |
| 348 | ALL JUICE, OKAY? |
| 349 | I'M SORRY. |
| 350 | I GUESS I JUST... LIKE THE PULP. |
| 351 | OH, MY GOD, I'M SOR... |
| 352 | I AM BEING SO RUDE. |
| 353 | RACHEL, WOULD YOU LIKE A SODA, OR SOMETHING? |
| 354 | BECAUSE... BECAUSE CHANDLER WILL RUN RIGHT OUT |
| 355 | AND GET IT FOR YOU. |
| 356 | YEAH, WELL, SURE. |
| 357 | ICED TEA WOULD BE GREAT. |
| 358 | OKAY. ICED TEA. |
| 359 | OKAY. ANYTHING FOR YOU, SIR? |
| 360 | DID I NOT JUST TELL HIM ABOUT THE...? |
| 361 | OKAY, LOOK, CHANDLER, IF THIS... IS GOING TO WORK |
| 362 | YOU HAVE GOT TO LISTEN. |
| 363 | YOU'RE GOING TO THROW THAT JUICE AT ME, AREN'T YOU? |
| 364 | IT'S NOT ALL JUICE. |
| 365 | SO, HONEY, THIS MORNING WAS FUN, HUH-- |
| 366 | ME HOPPING IN ON YOU IN THE SHOWER THERE? |
| 367 | YEAH, AND MAYBE SOMEDAY |
| 368 | WE COULD GET A PLACE WITH TWO BATHROOMS. |
| 369 | LOOK, CAROL, UM... |
| 370 | I WAS, I WAS THINKING, MAYBE, UH |
| 371 | MAYBE WE CAN SPICE THINGS UP A LITTLE. |
| 372 | WHAT DO YOU MEAN? |
| 373 | CAROL, OUR SEX LIFE-- IT'S JUST NOT... |
| 374 | DAD! |
| 375 | HEY, THERE, LITTLE FELLA! |
| 376 | HEY, WHY DON'T WE GET SOME SHOES ON YOU, HUH? |
| 377 | HEY, WHY DON'T YOU SHOW DAD HOW YOU CAN PUT YOUR SHOES ON |
| 378 | IN YOUR ROOM? YAY! |
| 379 | YAY! |
| 380 | YAY! |
| 381 | SERIOUSLY, OUR SEX LIFE... |
| 382 | I WAS THINKING MAYBE... |
| 383 | I DON'T KNOW, WE COULD TRY SOME NEW THINGS |
| 384 | YOU KNOW, FOR FUN. |
| 385 | LIKE WHAT? |
| 386 | WELL, I DON'T KNOW. UM... |
| 387 | WELL, WHAT IF WE, UH, WERE TO... |
| 388 | TIE EACH OTHER UP? |
| 389 | ( stifled chuckle ) |
| 390 | UM, SOME PEOPLE... EAT STUFF OFF ONE ANOTHER. |
| 391 | YEAH. |
| 392 | UM, YOU KNOW, WE COULD TRY DIRTY TALK. |
| 393 | ( forced chuckle ) |
| 394 | UM, WE COULD, WE COULD HAVE A THREESOME. |
| 395 | I LOVE THAT IDEA. |
| 396 | WHO SOLD A STORY TO ARCHIE COMICS? |
| 397 | OH, MY GOD! |
| 398 | THAT'S SO GREAT! |
| 399 | OH, WOW! |
| 400 | YOU'RE A PUBLISHED WRITER! |
| 401 | I WISH I HAD A PRESENT FOR YOU. |
| 402 | AW... WAIT A MINUTE. |
| 403 | MY LAST KIT KAT BAR. |
| 404 | YOU WANT TO SHARE IT? |
| 405 | OKAY! OKAY. |
| 406 | HEY. HEY. |
| 407 | OKAY, CHANDLER, LOOK |
| 408 | I KNOW YOU'RE MAD |
| 409 | BUT I JUST WANT TO SAY I'M SORRY. |
| 410 | I WAS A TOTAL JERK. |
| 411 | COMPLETELY OVER THE LINE. |
| 412 | I JUST... I HATE PULP |
| 413 | YOU KNOW? |
| 414 | YOU KNOW HOW MONICA FEELS ABOUT LOW-FAT MAYONNAISE? |
| 415 | IT'S NOT MAYONNAISE! |
| 416 | YEAH, OKAY, WELL, ANYWAY, I JUST WANTED TO SAY I'M SORRY |
| 417 | AND HERE. |
| 418 | WHAT'S THIS? |
| 419 | FRESH SQUEEZED ORANGE JUICE |
| 420 | WITH PULP, JUST THE WAY YOU LIKE IT. |
| 421 | OH, THANKS, MAN. |
| 422 | HEY, JOEY, CHANDLER SOLD A STORY TO ARCHIE COMICS. |
| 423 | OH, MY GOD, THAT'S GREAT! CONGRATULATIONS! |
| 424 | WHAT'S THE STORY? |
| 425 | OH, YOU WOULDN'T, UH, CARE. |
| 426 | IT'S JUST A STUPID COMIC BOOK STORY. |
| 427 | ARE YOU KIDDING ME? |
| 428 | I LOVE ARCHIE, AND THE WHOLE GANG! |
| 429 | WELL, UM, ARCHIE NEEDS MONEY TO FIX HIS JALOPY. |
| 430 | ( laughing ) |
| 431 | UH, BUT HE DOESN'T WANT REGGIE TO JUST GIVE HIM THE MONEY... |
| 432 | SO REGGIE HIRES HIM AS HIS ASSIS... |
| 433 | AS HIS BUTLER... |
| 434 | AND THEN MAKES HIM DO ALL THESE CRAZY THINGS |
| 435 | LIKE BRING HIM MILKSHAKES THAT CAN'T HAVE LUMPS IN THEM. |
| 436 | WAIT A MINUTE. |
| 437 | THAT SOUNDS A LITTLE FAMILIAR. |
| 438 | DID THEY ALREADY DO THAT ONE, 'CAUSE I THINK I READ IT. |
| 439 | OH, MONICA, LISTEN, I HAVE TO ASK. |
| 440 | OKAY, JOEY TRIBBIANI INVITED ME BACK TO HIS APARTMENT. |
| 441 | NOW, DOES HE DO THIS WITH A LOT OF GIRLS? |
| 442 | YEAH, A LOT. |
| 443 | A LOT, A LOT. |
| 444 | OH, AND I'M ONE OF THEM! |
| 445 | WOW! |
| 446 | OH, I JUST CANNOT BELIEVE THIS! |
| 447 | I MEAN, JOEY TRIBBIANI! |
| 448 | YOU KNOW, IT'S NONE OF MY BUSINESS |
| 449 | BUT AREN'T YOU MARRIED? |
| 450 | YEAH. |
| 451 | OH, I WISH WE COULD JUST NOT BE MARRIED |
| 452 | FOR A LITTLE BIT. |
| 453 | YOU KNOW, I JUST WISH WE COULD BE, LIKE, ON A BREAK. |
| 454 | WELL, YOU'RE NOT. |
| 455 | IT'S SO EASY FOR YOU. |
| 456 | YOU'RE NOT MARRIED. |
| 457 | YOU CAN HAVE SEX WITH WHOEVER YOU WANT. |
| 458 | YEAH, I CAN. |
| 459 | AND DON'T THINK I DON'T, BECAUSE I DO. |
| 460 | ALL THE TIME, YOU BETCHA. |
| 461 | MONICA? HMM? |
| 462 | YOU'VE... YOU'VE DONE IT, RIGHT? |
| 463 | ( chuckling ) |
| 464 | OF COURSE I HAVE. |
| 465 | WHAT DO YOU THINK, I'M, LIKE... |
| 466 | SOME 30-YEAR-OLD VIRGIN? |
| 467 | OH, MY GOD! |
| 468 | YOU'RE A 30-YEAR- OLD VIRGIN! |
| 469 | SAY IT LOUDER. |
| 470 | I DON'T THINK THE GUY ALL THE WAY IN THE BACK HEARD YOU. |
| 471 | Man: YEAH, I HEARD IT. |
| 472 | IT'S NOT LIKE I HAVEN'T HAD THE OPPORTUNITY. |
| 473 | I MEAN, YOU KNOW, JUST... |
| 474 | I'M JUST WAITING FOR THE PERFECT GUY. |
| 475 | MM-HMM. |
| 476 | I'M SEEING THIS GUY, ROGER. |
| 477 | I MEAN, HE'S NOT PERFECT, BUT, UH |
| 478 | I'M THINKING MAYBE I SHOULD JUST GET IT OVER WITH. |
| 479 | YOU KNOW, GIVE HIM MY FLOWER. |
| 480 | OH, MY GOD, DO IT. |
| 481 | HONEY, YOU'VE WAITED LONG ENOUGH. |
| 482 | YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU ARE RIGHT. |
| 483 | YES! |
| 484 | SEX DOES NOT HAVE TO BE A BIG DEAL. |
| 485 | THERE SHOULDN'T BE ALL THESE RULES AND RESTRICTIONS, YOU KNOW? |
| 486 | PEOPLE SHOULD BE ABLE TO SLEEP WITH WHOEVER THEY WANT |
| 487 | WHENEVER... RACHEL... |
| 488 | I'M NEVER GOING TO THINK IT'S OKAY |
| 489 | FOR YOU TO CHEAT ON YOUR HUSBAND. |
| 490 | OH, WHAT DO YOU KNOW, VIRGIN? |
| 491 | PHOEBE? |
| 492 | WHY IS SMOKE COMING OUT OF THE BATHROOM? |
| 493 | OH, YEAH, THE DOCTOR SAID |
| 494 | THAT COULD BE ONE OF THE SIDE EFFECTS. |
| 495 | PHOEBE, PUT THAT CIGARETTE OUT. |
| 496 | NO, IT'S NOT A CIGARETTE. |
| 497 | THE SMOKE IS COMING OUT OF ME. |
| 498 | PUT IT OUT! |
| 499 | OKAY, OKAY! |
| 500 | I'M SO GLAD YOU'RE HERE. |
| 501 | COME ON. |
| 502 | ( phone ringing ) |
| 503 | I GOT IT. GIVE IT TO ME. |
| 504 | I GOT IT. GIVE IT! |
| 505 | ( karate yell ) |
| 506 | HELLO. |
| 507 | NO, SHE CAN'T COME TO THE PHONE RIGHT NOW. |
| 508 | OH. RIGHT. |
| 509 | NO PROBLEM. OKAY, BYE-BYE. |
| 510 | WAS IT MY WORK? WERE THEY MAD? |
| 511 | WAS IT JACK? DID HE YELL? |
| 512 | JUST RELAX. |
| 513 | NOBODY YELLED. |
| 514 | JACK JUST WAS CALLING |
| 515 | TO MAKE SURE YOU WERE GETTING BETTER. |
| 516 | THANK GOD. |
| 517 | YEAH, SHE'S FIRED. |
| 518 | You've done all you can, Dr. Wesley. |
| 519 | You've got to let her go. |
| 520 | I suppose you're right, nurse. |
| 521 | Good-bye and Godspeed, Hope Brady. |
| 522 | Not so fast, Wesley. |
| 523 | Ramoray. |
| 524 | That's right, Wesley. |
| 525 | I just stopped by to say that... |
| 526 | you're not a real doctor... |
| 527 | and that woman's brain... |
| 528 | is fine. |
| 529 | OH, THANK GOD! |
| 530 | OH, THANK GOD. |
| 531 | Hope. |
| 532 | Hope. |
| 533 | Drake. |
| 534 | You're not dying, Hope. |
| 535 | You're going to live a long, healthy life... |
| 536 | with me. |
| 537 | Oh, Drake. |
| 538 | OKAY. HERE WE GO. |
| 539 | OKAY. |
| 540 | ( clears throat ) |
| 541 | MM... |
| 542 | HI, JOEY. |
| 543 | IT'S RACHEL. |
| 544 | UM, I AM FREE TOMORROW NIGHT. |
| 545 | YEAH, SURE. SURE, I COULD BRING SOME SANDWICHES. |
| 546 | [Captioned by The Caption Center WGBH Educational Foundation] |
| 547 | |
| 1 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 2 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 3 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 4 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 5 | ♪ WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY, YOUR WEEK ♪ |
| 6 | ♪ YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 7 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 8 | ♪ WHEN THE RAIN STARTS TO POUR ♪ |
| 9 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 10 | ♪ LIKE I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE ♪ |
| 11 | ♪ I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 12 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME, TOO. ♪ |
| 13 | SO, HONEY, THIS, UH... |
| 14 | THIS THREESOME THING, UH |
| 15 | I MEAN, HOW ARE WE EVEN GOING TO START TO FIND... |
| 16 | ACTUALLY, I'VE BEEN MAKING A LIST OF ALL THE WOMEN I KNOW |
| 17 | WHO MIGHT BE INTO DOING THIS. |
| 18 | OH. WOW. |
| 19 | HUH? |
| 20 | BOY. |
| 21 | WOW, SOMEONE'S BEEN DOING THEIR HOMEWORK. |
| 22 | YEAH. |
| 23 | OH, AND I KNOW GAIL ROSTEN IS IN THERE TWICE |
| 24 | BUT SHE IS SO... |
| 25 | OH, I KNOW. |
| 26 | YOU KNOW, JUST, JUST TALKING ABOUT IT IS... |
| 27 | GETTING ME KIND OF... |
| 28 | I KNOW, ME, TOO. |
| 29 | YEAH? |
| 30 | WELL, I THINK BEN'S ASLEEP. |
| 31 | OH, UM... |
| 32 | YOU KNOW, I THINK IT'LL BE BETTER |
| 33 | IF WE JUST SAVE IT. |
| 34 | YEAH. |
| 35 | RIGHT. SAVE IT-- I CAN DO THAT. |
| 36 | ( karate yell ) |
| 37 | HEY, PHEEBS. |
| 38 | HEY. |
| 39 | HOW'S IT GOING? |
| 40 | WELL, I GOT TO GET OUT OF THIS BED! |
| 41 | I'M GOING CRAZY HERE! |
| 42 | CRAZY! |
| 43 | HERE YOU GO, SWEETIE. |
| 44 | WHAT THE HELL IS THIS, HERBAL TEA? |
| 45 | I HATE HERBAL TEA. |
| 46 | I PUT SOME HONEY IN IT. |
| 47 | ( mockingly ): NYI, NYI, HONEY IN IT. |
| 48 | SHE DOESN'T KNOW SHE WAS FIRED YET, DOES SHE? |
| 49 | NO. THE DOCTORS SAY IT MAY KILL HER. |
| 50 | WHAT ARE YOU TWO GIRLS WHISPERING ABOUT OVER THERE? |
| 51 | BUT I THINK WE SHOULD TELL HER. |
| 52 | I MEAN, IT'S JUST SO REALISTIC. |
| 53 | YEAH, I KNOW. |
| 54 | YEAH. HIS NAME'S PAT. |
| 55 | PAT THE DOG. |
| 56 | OH! OH! I GET IT! |
| 57 | ( laughs ) |
| 58 | OH, GO... |
| 59 | ARE YOU, UH, YOU... |
| 60 | READY FOR A REFILL? |
| 61 | OH, I PROBABLY SHOULDN'T. |
| 62 | SO I WILL! |
| 63 | OH... WOW. |
| 64 | IT'S LIKE IT'S RAINING. |
| 65 | PRETTY COOL, HUH? |
| 66 | BUT IF YOU'RE THINKING YOU COULD PUT A FISH IN THERE |
| 67 | AND IT WOULDN'T GET SUCKED UP INTO THE MECHANISM |
| 68 | WELL, YOU'D BE WRONG. |
| 69 | UM, CAN I USE YOUR BATHROOM? |
| 70 | IT'S, UH, RIGHT THROUGH THERE. |
| 71 | OKAY. |
| 72 | ( sighs ) |
| 73 | YOU KNOW, I GOT TO TELL YOU |
| 74 | IF SOMEONE TOLD ME A WEEK AGO |
| 75 | THAT I WOULD BE PEEING IN JOEY TRIBIANNI'S APARTMENT... |
| 76 | YEAH, LIFE'S PRETTY GREAT, ISN'T IT? |
| 77 | I HOPE YOU'RE HUNGRY. |
| 78 | WE'RE STARTING WITH OYSTERS. |
| 79 | YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY ABOUT OYSTERS, DON'T YOU? |
| 80 | THEY HAVE PARASITES? |
| 81 | NO. |
| 82 | UM, WELL, SOME PEOPLE SAY THAT OYSTERS ARE... |
| 83 | AN APHRODISIAC. |
| 84 | WHAT PEOPLE? |
| 85 | PEOPLE. |
| 86 | PEOPLE SAY IT. |
| 87 | COME HERE. |
| 88 | SO, OYSTERS, HUH? |
| 89 | ( giggles ) |
| 90 | AND THEN WE'RE GOING TO HAVE |
| 91 | A LITTLE MIDDLE EASTERN COUSCOUS. |
| 92 | SOMETHING WE CAN EAT WITH OUR HANDS. |
| 93 | YOU KNOW, IT'S FUNNY |
| 94 | WHEN WE WERE STUDYING COMMUNICABLE DISEASES... |
| 95 | NO, NO, NO, NO. |
| 96 | IT'S SENSUAL. |
| 97 | OH. DIDN'T KNOW. OKAY. |
| 98 | OKAY. |
| 99 | ( beeper sounding ) |
| 100 | OH, NO! |
| 101 | I'M SORRY, SWEETIE, IT'S THE HOSPITAL. |
| 102 | THAT FOOD LOOKS GREAT. MAYBE SAVE ME SOME? |
| 103 | I CAN'T PROMISE ANYTHING. |
| 104 | WE'RE REALLY GOING TO DO THIS, HUH? |
| 105 | LOOKS LIKE IT. |
| 106 | YOU KNOW, IF... IF THIS IS TOO WEIRD FOR YOU |
| 107 | YOU CAN STILL BACK OUT, ANYTIME... |
| 108 | ( knocking on door ) I GOT IT. |
| 109 | OKAY. |
| 110 | SUSAN, HI. |
| 111 | HEY. |
| 112 | THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR COMING. |
| 113 | I WOULDN'T HAVE MISSED IT FOR THE WORLD. |
| 114 | I'M-I'M ROSS, BY THE WAY. |
| 115 | HELLO, ROSS. |
| 116 | I LOVE WHAT YOU'VE DONE WITH THIS SPACE. |
| 117 | THANK YOU SO MUCH. |
| 118 | ( both giggling ) |
| 119 | HOW HOT IS THIS?! |
| 120 | I'M SORRY YOU'RE HERE WITH ME |
| 121 | INSTEAD OF ROGER. |
| 122 | YEAH, ME, TOO. |
| 123 | WELL, I COULD MAKE IT SEEM LIKE HE'S HERE. |
| 124 | HERE'S SOME LITTLE-KNOWN FACTS ABOUT COUSCOUS: |
| 125 | THEY DIDN'T ADD THE SECOND COUS UNTIL 1979. |
| 126 | ( babbling ) |
| 127 | STOP IT! THAT'S NOT FUNNY. |
| 128 | OKAY. |
| 129 | I'M SORRY, OKAY. |
| 130 | IT'S JUST, TONIGHT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE, YOU KNOW... |
| 131 | WELL, IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A BIG DEAL. |
| 132 | WHAT WAS TONIGHT? |
| 133 | YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW WHAT TONIGHT WAS. |
| 134 | OKAY. |
| 135 | WHAT WAS TONIGHT? |
| 136 | WELL, TONIGHT WAS... |
| 137 | WAS GOING TO BE MY FIRST TIME. |
| 138 | WITH ROGER? |
| 139 | NOT JUST WITH ROGER? |
| 140 | OH, MY GOD! |
| 141 | ALL RIGHT, RELAX, MR. I'VE-HAD-SEX-FOUR-TIMES! |
| 142 | FOUR DIFFERENT WOMEN. |
| 143 | I'VE HAD SEX WAY MORE TIMES. |
| 144 | HOW MANY? |
| 145 | NINE. |
| 146 | I WAS WAITING FOR THE PERFECT GUY, YOU KNOW. |
| 147 | WELL, GOOD. GOOD FOR YOU. |
| 148 | YOU REALLY THINK THAT ROGER IS THE PERFECT GUY? |
| 149 | NO. HE'S NOT A HORRIBLE GUY. |
| 150 | HEY, THAT'S WHAT I TELL GIRLS ABOUT ME. |
| 151 | CHANDLER, I'M GOING TO DIE A VIRGIN! |
| 152 | NO, YOU ARE NOT. |
| 153 | YOU ARE SWEET AND WONDERFUL |
| 154 | AND THIS IS GOING TO HAPPEN FOR YOU. |
| 155 | REALLY? WHEN? |
| 156 | YOU WANT TO DO IT WITH ME? |
| 157 | OKAY. |
| 158 | I WAS KIDDING. |
| 159 | SO WAS I. |
| 160 | JOEY... |
| 161 | YOU'RE SUCH AN AMAZING ACTOR. |
| 162 | HOW DO YOU KNOW WHERE DR. DRAKE RAMORAY LEAVES OFF |
| 163 | AND JOEY TRIBIANNI BEGINS? |
| 164 | WELL, WITH DR. DRAKE |
| 165 | THEY ALWAYS TELL ME WHAT TO SAY. |
| 166 | AND WITH JOEY, I PRETTY MUCH HAVE TO MAKE IT UP ON MY OWN. |
| 167 | WOW. |
| 168 | HMM. |
| 169 | TELL ME SOMETHING, JOEY... |
| 170 | WHOA! |
| 171 | OH. |
| 172 | I JUST FELL RIGHT OFF THE COUCH THERE. |
| 173 | YEAH, YOU DID. |
| 174 | I'M OKAY. |
| 175 | OKAY, HERE YOU GO. WHOOPS. |
| 176 | LET ME ASK YOU A QUESTION. |
| 177 | YEAH? |
| 178 | WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME SOMEONE TOLD YOU |
| 179 | JUST HOW BEAUTIFUL YOU ARE? |
| 180 | WOW. |
| 181 | I CAN'T... I CAN'T FEEL MY HANDS. |
| 182 | OH, WELL, COME HERE. |
| 183 | HMM? |
| 184 | HUH? |
| 185 | OH? |
| 186 | OH? |
| 187 | ( retching ) |
| 188 | WE CAN'T DO THIS. |
| 189 | NO. |
| 190 | ( laughing ) |
| 191 | OYSTER? |
| 192 | YEAH. |
| 193 | OKAY, NOW, IF, IF, IF WE DID DO THIS |
| 194 | THERE'D BE A LOT OF PRESSURE ON ME, YOU KNOW? |
| 195 | BECAUSE YOU'VE BEEN WAITING FOR A VERY LONG TIME |
| 196 | AND I WOULDN'T WANT TO DISAPPOINT YOU. |
| 197 | YEAH, BUT SEE, I HAVE NOTHING TO COMPARE IT TO. |
| 198 | SO EVEN IF YOU WERE HORRIBLE, HOW WOULD I KNOW? |
| 199 | I DO LIKE THAT. |
| 200 | IT'S HARDER FOR ME-- |
| 201 | I'VE GOT THOSE FOUR OTHER WOMEN TO COMPETE WITH. |
| 202 | WELL, IF IT HELPS, THERE WERE ONLY THREE. |
| 203 | SO, IT WOULD JUST BE FOR TONIGHT, RIGHT? |
| 204 | ABSOLUTELY. IT WOULD JUST BE ONE FRIEND |
| 205 | HELPING OUT ANOTHER FRIEND. |
| 206 | STOP IT. WE'RE NOT DOING THIS. |
| 207 | LET'S DO IT. |
| 208 | NO. OKAY! |
| 209 | OKAY! |
| 210 | SO, UM... |
| 211 | DO YOU HAVE ANY, UH, MOVES? |
| 212 | I HAVE SOME MOVES. |
| 213 | I HAVE NO MOVES. |
| 214 | OKAY. |
| 215 | OKAY, WHAT YOU DOING THERE?! |
| 216 | OH, YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M SORRY, THIS IS JUST TOO WEIRD. |
| 217 | YEAH, LET'S JUST FORGET IT. |
| 218 | YEAH. WHAT IF I TURN OUT THE LIGHTS? |
| 219 | OKAY. |
| 220 | Chandler: OH, YEAH. |
| 221 | CHANDLER? |
| 222 | ( passionately ): YEAH? |
| 223 | THAT'S THE COUCH. |
| 224 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 225 | I KNOW! |
| 226 | I'LL TELL YOU SOMETHING-- |
| 227 | WE ARE GOING TO DO THAT AGAIN. |
| 228 | OH, OKAY! |
| 229 | ( laughs ) |
| 230 | MORNING. |
| 231 | OH, RIGHT. |
| 232 | YEAH. |
| 233 | OH, GOD. |
| 234 | OH, I CAN'T BELIEVE |
| 235 | JOEY TRIBBIANI HEARD ME THROW UP. |
| 236 | YEAH, I MEAN, HE ACTUALLY SAW YOU A LITTLE BIT, TOO. |
| 237 | NO. |
| 238 | OH, GOD, WE... HEY, WE... WE DIDN'T, UM... |
| 239 | NO, NO. NO. |
| 240 | NOT AFTER SEEING THAT. |
| 241 | GOD, I'M JUST A HORRIBLE PERSON. |
| 242 | WHY? |
| 243 | BECAUSE I'M MARRIED. |
| 244 | THAT'S RIGHT-- I'M A MARRIED WOMAN |
| 245 | AND I CAME TO A TV STAR'S APARTMENT |
| 246 | TO HAVE AN AFFAIR. UGH! |
| 247 | THAT'S RIDICULOUS. |
| 248 | I'M NOT A "STAR." |
| 249 | I'M JUST A REGULAR FAMOUS ACTOR. |
| 250 | YEAH, AND I'M A HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE PERSON. |
| 251 | RACHEL, WILL YOU STOP SAYING THAT? |
| 252 | HEY, HEY, LOOK... |
| 253 | REMEMBER ON THE SHOW WHEN CAPRI WAS DYING |
| 254 | AND SHE GAVE ME... |
| 255 | THE RING FROM THE CAVE, YEAH. |
| 256 | WOW. UH... |
| 257 | OKAY, WELL... UH... |
| 258 | ( gasps ) |
| 259 | OH, MY GOD! |
| 260 | THEY LET YOU KEEP THAT STUFF? |
| 261 | SURE. AS LONG AS THEY DON'T FIND OUT |
| 262 | YOU CAN KEEP WHATEVER YOU WANT. |
| 263 | AND I WANT YOU TO HAVE IT. |
| 264 | NO, NO, NO, I COULDN'T. YES, YES. |
| 265 | AND EVERY TIME YOU LOOK AT IT |
| 266 | I WANT YOU TO REMEMBER THAT YOU... ARE A GOOD PERSON. |
| 267 | OKAY, NOW, YOU HAD THE CHANCE TO CHEAT-- |
| 268 | AND... WITH ME-- |
| 269 | BUT YOU DIDN'T |
| 270 | AND THAT'S WHAT THIS RING STANDS FOR. |
| 271 | BUT I THOUGHT THAT RING |
| 272 | STOOD FOR CAPRI'S UNDYING LOVE HER BROTHER. |
| 273 | YOU WANT THE RING OR NOT? |
| 274 | YEAH. |
| 275 | HEY, YOU'RE UP. ALL RIGHT. LOOK AT YOU. |
| 276 | THOUGHT I'D TRY TO TAKE A WALK. |
| 277 | WILL YOU POUR ME SOME WATER? |
| 278 | I'LL BE BACK SOON. |
| 279 | WHOA. YOU'RE NOT GOING TO USE THE PAY PHONE |
| 280 | TO CALL WORK, ARE YOU? |
| 281 | NO. I'VE LEARNED MY LESSON. |
| 282 | OKAY. |
| 283 | THANKS. |
| 284 | LET'S GO. |
| 285 | COME ON, MOVE IT. |
| 286 | MOVE IT, PHOEBE, COME ON. |
| 287 | SHOES, BRIEFCASE. |
| 288 | THANKS, LOU. GOOD LUCK WITH THE GALLBLADDER. |
| 289 | HEY, JOEY, DID... |
| 290 | DID YOU EVER HAVE A THREESOME? |
| 291 | UH... UH... |
| 292 | LOOK, ROSS, I THINK CAROL'S GREAT |
| 293 | AND I'M SURE YOU'RE A VERY ATTRACTIVE MAN |
| 294 | BUT I... NO. |
| 295 | NO, THE REASON I'M ASKING IS THAT... |
| 296 | ( laughs ) |
| 297 | I SORT OF HAD ONE LAST NIGHT. |
| 298 | YOU? YEAH. |
| 299 | WOW. YEAH. |
| 300 | ALL RIGHT, SO... WAS IT AMAZING? |
| 301 | IT WAS... IT WAS... |
| 302 | OKAY. |
| 303 | JUST OKAY? DID YOU DO IT RIGHT? |
| 304 | LOOK, IT'S JUST... DID YOU EVER GO TO A PARTY |
| 305 | AND THINK "WOULD ANYONE REALLY MISS ME IF I WEREN'T HERE?" |
| 306 | HUH. |
| 307 | BUT STILL, ROSS... YOUR WORST DAY WITH TWO WOMEN |
| 308 | IS PRETTY MUCH BETTER THAN ANY OTHER DAY. |
| 309 | OH, OH, NO, ABSOLUTELY. |
| 310 | ( both laughing ) |
| 311 | YEAH. YEAH. |
| 312 | IT'S JUST... |
| 313 | MY PART SEEMED TO BE OVER PRETTY QUICKLY |
| 314 | AND THEN... AND THEN... |
| 315 | THERE WAS A LOT OF WAITING AROUND. |
| 316 | OH. |
| 317 | BUT YOU GOT TO BE WITH BOTH OF THEM, RIGHT? |
| 318 | NOT-NOT REALLY. |
| 319 | IT WAS JUST CAROL. |
| 320 | NOT THE OTHER ONE? |
| 321 | NO, SHE KEPT KICKING ME AWAY. |
| 322 | OH. YEAH, YOU DON'T WANT THAT. NO. |
| 323 | NO. WELL, HEY, AT LEAST YOU GOT TO SEE A LOT OF STUFF. |
| 324 | OH, I SAW A LOT OF STUFF. |
| 325 | YEAH. |
| 326 | YOU GET A LITTLE BORED? |
| 327 | A LITTLE. |
| 328 | YEAH. MADE A SNACK. |
| 329 | YEAH? WHAT... |
| 330 | WHAT'D YOU HAVE? |
| 331 | JUST A SANDWICH. YEAH. |
| 332 | TURKEY... |
| 333 | A LITTLE MUSTARD. |
| 334 | SOUNDS GOOD. |
| 335 | IT REALLY WAS. |
| 336 | HEY. |
| 337 | HEY. |
| 338 | LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT THIS CHICK I SCORED WITH LAST NIGHT. |
| 339 | OH, NO, WAIT A MINUTE-- THAT WAS YOU. |
| 340 | HEY, CHECK ME OUT. |
| 341 | I'M A SLUT! |
| 342 | SO YOU WANT TO DO SOMETHING TONIGHT? |
| 343 | OH, I CAN'T-- DR. ROGER'S COMING OVER AGAIN. |
| 344 | OH. |
| 345 | OH, RIGHT, RIGHT, BECAUSE YOU'RE STILL SEEING HIM |
| 346 | AND, UH, HE'S A GOOD GUY. |
| 347 | I MEAN, I REMEMBER A TIME... |
| 348 | ( snoring ) |
| 349 | ARE YOU OKAY? |
| 350 | ( chuckling ): YEAH. TOTALLY. |
| 351 | TOTALLY. ARE YOU? |
| 352 | GREAT. IT'S SO AMAZING. |
| 353 | I MEAN, LAST TIME DR. ROGER CAME OVER |
| 354 | I WAS SO NERVOUS |
| 355 | BUT THEN AFTER BEING WITH YOU |
| 356 | I'M ALL, LIKE, "CAN THE DOCTOR SEE ME NOW?" |
| 357 | I'LL BET HE CAN. |
| 358 | "YOU KNOW, I DON'T HAVE AN APPOINTMENT |
| 359 | BUT I SURE COULD USE A PHYSICAL." |
| 360 | ( chuckling ) |
| 361 | ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE OKAY? |
| 362 | OH, YEAH. DON'T WORRY ABOUT ME-- I'LL BE FINE. |
| 363 | ( karate yell ) |
| 364 | ( gasps ): OH! |
| 365 | MY GOD... BARRY! |
| 366 | Y-YOU SAID YOU WERE GOING TO BE AWAY ALL WEEKEND. |
| 367 | OH. THAT'S RIGHT. |
| 368 | I'M SORRY. I AM EARLY. |
| 369 | FINISH, PLEASE! |
| 370 | SURPRISE. LOOK WHO'S BACK. |
| 371 | HEY, PHEEBS. HEY. |
| 372 | CALL SECURITY. |
| 373 | PHEEBS, UH, DIDN'T YOU GET FIRED? |
| 374 | I DON'T THINK SO. |
| 375 | PHOEBE? |
| 376 | JACK! HEY. HEY. |
| 377 | WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? |
| 378 | ALL BETTER. BACK TO WORK. |
| 379 | EXCEPT THIS CLOWN FROM RESEARCH TOLD ME I WAS FIRED. |
| 380 | HE SHOULD DO HIS RESEARCH, HUH? |
| 381 | WELL, YOU WERE FIRED. |
| 382 | NUH-UH. |
| 383 | I TOLD THAT GUY WHO ANSWERED YOUR PHONE. |
| 384 | OH. OKAY, I DIDN'T GET THAT MESSAGE |
| 385 | SO THIS DOESN'T COUNT. |
| 386 | ANYWAY, I'LL BE IN MY OFFICE. |
| 387 | UH, PHOEBE, I... YOU-YOU DON'T HAVE AN OFFICE. |
| 388 | THAT'S ALL RIGHT-- I'LL-I'LL WORK RIGHT HERE. |
| 389 | THIS IS GOOD. NEXT TO THIS PLANT. |
| 390 | PHOEBE, LET'S NOT MAKE A SCENE. |
| 391 | YOU'RE IN MY OFFICE. |
| 392 | LOOK... |
| 393 | I HAVE MADE A LOT OF CASH FOR THIS COMPANY, OKAY? |
| 394 | I AM TALKING BIG BUCKS-- PESOS, YEN, RUBLES. |
| 395 | YOU MAKE ONE LITTLE MISTAKE... |
| 396 | YOU LOST $13 MILLION. |
| 397 | OH, SO NOW THIS IS ALL ABOUT MONEY? |
| 398 | YOU KNOW |
| 399 | IT'S BAD ENOUGH THAT... OW. |
| 400 | OH, YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING. |
| 401 | ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? |
| 402 | I'M HAVING ANOTHER HEART ATTACK. WHAT? |
| 403 | I'M HAVING ANOTHER HEART ATTACK! |
| 404 | CALL 9-1-1! |
| 405 | TAKE IT EASY, NOW. |
| 406 | DUMB-ASS! |
| 407 | HEY, PHEEBS. |
| 408 | HOW'S IT GOING? |
| 409 | THEY FIRED ME |
| 410 | AND I'M HAVING A HEART ATTACK. |
| 411 | OH. WELL, WELCOME BACK. YEAH. |
| 412 | HI, ROSS. HI, RACHEL. |
| 413 | IS JOEY TRIBIANNI HERE? |
| 414 | UM... NO. |
| 415 | WELL, IF YOU SEE HIM |
| 416 | WILL YOU PLEASE TELL HIM THAT I'M LOOKING FOR HIM |
| 417 | AND THAT THIS TIME, I AM NOT GOING TO THROW UP! |
| 418 | ARE YOU OKAY? |
| 419 | ME? I'M GREAT. |
| 420 | I'M FINE. I'M SO GOOD. |
| 421 | BUT... YOU KNOW WHO'S NOT GREAT? |
| 422 | MEN. |
| 423 | YOU'RE A MAN, RIGHT, ROSS? |
| 424 | YEAH. SIT DOWN. |
| 425 | OKAY. |
| 426 | LET ME, UH... LET ME ASK YOU SOMETHING. |
| 427 | DO WEDDING VOWS MEAN SQUAT TO YOU PEOPLE? |
| 428 | AND WHY IS IT THAT THE SECOND WE TELL YOU |
| 429 | WE ARE GOING OUT OF TOWN, BAM, THERE YOU ARE IN BED |
| 430 | WITH THE NEIGHBOR'S DOG-WALKER?! |
| 431 | WE'RE SORRY. |
| 432 | NO, SERIOUSLY. SERIOUSLY. |
| 433 | WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO THE SANCTITY OF MARRIAGE? |
| 434 | DIDN'T YOU SPEND LAST NIGHT AT JOEY'S? |
| 435 | OH, WHAT ARE YOU, A DETECTIVE? |
| 436 | LOOK, I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON WITH YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND |
| 437 | AND WHAT IS HOPEFULLY AN ADULT DOG-WALKER... |
| 438 | LOOK, CAN I JUST SAY |
| 439 | NOT ALL MEN ARE LIKE THAT. |
| 440 | OH... HEY... |
| 441 | THERE ARE SOME MEN |
| 442 | WHO WILL DO WHATEVER IT TAKES |
| 443 | TO MAKE THEIR MARRIAGE WORK. |
| 444 | 'KAY, THERE ARE SOME MEN |
| 445 | WHO WILL STAND BY AND WATCH AS THEIR WIVES |
| 446 | ENGAGE IN WHAT CAN ONLY BE DESCRIBED AS A TWOSOME... |
| 447 | WITH-WITH SOME WOMAN SHE BARELY KNOWS FROM THE GYM. |
| 448 | WHO ARE THESE MEN? |
| 449 | JUST-JUST MEN. |
| 450 | A GUY I KNOW. |
| 451 | WELL, YOU MIGHT WANT TO TELL HIM |
| 452 | IT SOUNDS LIKE HIS WIFE... IS GAY. |
| 453 | SHE IS NOT... |
| 454 | SHE'S GAY. |
| 455 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 456 | SHE IS SO GAY! |
| 457 | I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS. |
| 458 | GOOD DAY FOR MARRIED PEOPLE, HUH? |
| 459 | I'M SORRY YOUR HUSBAND CHEATED ON YOU. |
| 460 | I'M SORRY YOUR WIFE IS GAY. |
| 461 | I GUESS WOMEN AREN'T THAT GREAT, EITHER, HUH? |
| 462 | TRY TELLING MY WIFE THAT. |
| 463 | OKAY TO COME IN? |
| 464 | YEAH, COME IN, EAT, WHATEVER YOU WANT. |
| 465 | DR. ROGER GOT BEEPED AGAIN. |
| 466 | YEAH, I KNOW. GUESS WHO BEEPED HIM. |
| 467 | WHAT? |
| 468 | I'M THE RUPTURED SPLEEN. |
| 469 | ( laughs ) |
| 470 | WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT? |
| 471 | BECAUSE YOU SHOULDN'T BE WITH HIM. |
| 472 | YOU... |
| 473 | YOU SHOULD BE WITH ME. |
| 474 | REALLY? |
| 475 | YEAH. WHEN YOU WERE TALKING ABOUT ROGER |
| 476 | THAT WAS KILLING ME. LOOK... |
| 477 | THINGS LIKE LAST NIGHT |
| 478 | THEY DON'T JUST HAPPEN, YOU KNOW |
| 479 | OR AT LEAST NOT TO ME. |
| 480 | AND WITH THE OTHER TWO WOMEN... |
| 481 | IN THE MORNING, YOU KNOW, I WOULD JUST LIE THERE |
| 482 | AND I COULDN'T WAIT TO JUST GO HANG OUT WITH MY FRIENDS |
| 483 | BUT WITH YOU... |
| 484 | I WAS, YOU KNOW, ALREADY WITH A FRIEND. |
| 485 | CHANDLER... |
| 486 | I KNOW YOU PROBABLY DON'T WANT TO GO OUT WITH ME, YOU KNOW |
| 487 | 'CAUSE I MAKE TOO MANY JOKES |
| 488 | AND I'VE NEVER BEEN IN A SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP |
| 489 | AND I GUESS I'M NOT TECHNICALLY A "DOCTOR." |
| 490 | THERE WAS JUST ONE WOMAN, WASN'T THERE? |
| 491 | NO, THERE WERE TWO. |
| 492 | INCLUDING ME? OH, YEAH. |
| 493 | ♪ IT ONLY TAKES TWO HEART ATTACKS ♪ |
| 494 | ♪ TO FINALLY MAKE YOU SEE ♪ |
| 495 | ♪ ONE OF THEM WON'T DO IT ♪ |
| 496 | ♪ BUT THE SECOND'LL SET YOU FREE ♪ |
| 497 | ♪ TELL ALL YOUR HATE AND ANGER ♪ |
| 498 | ♪ IT'S TIME TO SAY GOOD-BYE ♪ |
| 499 | ♪ AND THAT IS JUST WHAT I WILL DO ♪ |
| 500 | ♪ SOON AS THOSE BASTARDS I WORKED FOR DIE... ♪ |
| 501 | Captioned by The Caption Center WGBH Educational Foundation] |
| 502 | |
| 1 | HEY, REMEMBER WHEN I HAD A MONKEY? |
| 2 | YEAH. MM-HMM. |
| 3 | YEAH, WHAT... WHAT WAS I THINKING? |
| 4 | HEY, SO... WHAT'S WITH THE 20% TIP? |
| 5 | DID I DO SOMETHING WRONG? |
| 6 | 20% IS A PRETTY GENEROUS TIP, JOE. |
| 7 | WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT'S MORE GENEROUS THAN THAT? 50%. |
| 8 | YOU KNOW WHAT'S |
| 9 | EVEN MORE GENEROUS THAN THAT? |
| 10 | I SEE WHERE YOU'RE GOING. |
| 11 | WHAT'S UP WITH THE GREED, JOE? |
| 12 | ALL RIGHT, LOOK, I'M SORRY, YOU GUYS |
| 13 | BUT IT'S JUST THAT I GOT TO GET |
| 14 | THESE NEW HEAD SHOTS MADE, AND THEY'RE REALLY EXPENSIVE |
| 15 | YOU KNOW? |
| 16 | I'M DOWN TO, LIKE, THREE. |
| 17 | ACTUALLY, TWO 'CAUSE ONE OF THEM |
| 18 | I KIND OF BLACKENED IN SOME TEETH. |
| 19 | WHY'D I DO THAT? |
| 20 | GOD! |
| 21 | WELL, ISN'T THERE SOMETHING YOU CAN DO |
| 22 | TO EARN A LITTLE EXTRA MONEY? |
| 23 | I MEAN, CAN'T YOU PICK UP... |
| 24 | I DON'T KNOW, AN EXTRA SHIFT HERE? |
| 25 | OR... YOU KNOW, I USED TO BEG FOR MONEY. |
| 26 | OF COURSE, IT HELPS |
| 27 | IF YOU'VE GOT A LITTLE OF THIS GOING ON. |
| 28 | WOW. I STILL HAVE IT. |
| 29 | Joey: YEAH. |
| 30 | OH, WAIT, WAIT. DON'T YOU HAVE AN AUDITION TODAY? |
| 31 | YEAH, MAYBE YOU'LL GET THAT JOB. |
| 32 | OH, HA, HA, HA. |
| 33 | OOH! |
| 34 | WAIT A MINUTE-- I USED TO GET MEDICAL EXPERIMENTS |
| 35 | DONE ON ME ALL THE TIME. |
| 36 | AH, FINALLY AN EXPLANATION. |
| 37 | NO, NO, I USED TO GET PAID |
| 38 | FOR ALL KINDS OF MEDICAL STUFF, REMEMBER? |
| 39 | LET'S SEE, UH... WELL, I DON'T WANT TO DONATE SPERM AGAIN. |
| 40 | I REALLY PREFER DOING THAT AT THE HOME OFFICE, YOU KNOW. |
| 41 | OOH, OOH! |
| 42 | MAYBE THEY WANT SOME OF MY BLOOD OR SPIT OR SOMETHING, HUH? JOEY. |
| 43 | YEAH. WHAT'D I TELL YOU ABOUT TALKING TO YOUR FRIENDS |
| 44 | WHILE YOU'RE WORKING? |
| 45 | UH... DO IT? |
| 46 | THAT GUY'S BEEN WAITING FOR HIS COFFEE FOR TEN MINUTES. |
| 47 | HE'S COMPLAINED ABOUT YOU THREE TIMES. |
| 48 | WELL, WHERE WAS I? |
| 49 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 50 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 51 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 52 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 53 | ♪ WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY, YOUR WEEK ♪ |
| 54 | ♪ YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 55 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 56 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME, TOO. ♪ |
| 57 | HI. HEY. |
| 58 | HEY, WHAT HAVE YOU GUYS BEEN UP TO? |
| 59 | OH, WE WENT TO A SELF-DEFENSE CLASS TODAY. |
| 60 | WOW. YEAH. |
| 61 | KICKING A GUY IN THE CROTCH ALL MORNING |
| 62 | REALLY TAKES IT OUT OF YOU. |
| 63 | TAKES IT OUT OF YOU? |
| 64 | NO, NOW WE CAN KICK ANYBODY'S ASS. |
| 65 | YEAH. |
| 66 | AFTER ONE CLASS? |
| 67 | I DON'T THINK SO. |
| 68 | WHAT? YOU WANT TO SEE ME SELF-DEFEND MYSELF? |
| 69 | GO OVER THERE AND PRETEND YOU'RE A SEXUAL PREDATOR. |
| 70 | GO ON, I DARE YOU! |
| 71 | WELL, OF COURSE, YOU CAN DEFEND YOURSELF |
| 72 | FROM AN ATTACK YOU KNOW IS COMING. |
| 73 | THAT'S NOT ENOUGH. |
| 74 | LOOK, I STUDIED KAR-ATEY FOR A LONG TIME |
| 75 | AND THERE'S A CONCEPT |
| 76 | YOU SHOULD REALLY BE FAMILIAR WITH. |
| 77 | IT'S WHAT THE JAPANESE CALL UNAGI. |
| 78 | ISN'T THAT A KIND OF SUSHI? |
| 79 | NO, IT'S A CONCEPT. |
| 80 | YEAH, IT IS. IT IS. IT'S FRESHWATER EEL. |
| 81 | ALL RIGHT, MAYBE IT MEANS THAT, TOO. |
| 82 | OH, I WOULD KILL |
| 83 | FOR A SALMON SKIN ROLL RIGHT NOW. |
| 84 | YOU KNOW, FINE, GET ATTACKED; I DON'T EVEN CARE. |
| 85 | ( sighs ) |
| 86 | COME ON, ROSS. WE'RE SORRY. |
| 87 | PLEASE TELL US WHAT IT IS. |
| 88 | UNAGI IS A STATE OF TOTAL AWARENESS, OKAY? |
| 89 | ONLY BY ACHIEVING TRUE UNAGI CAN YOU BE PREPARED |
| 90 | FOR ANY DANGER THAT MAY BEFALL YOU. |
| 91 | YOU MEAN, IN CASE SOMEONE'S TRYING TO STEAL |
| 92 | YOUR BAMBOO SLEEPING MAT OR YOUR KETTLE OF FISH? |
| 93 | ( mocking laughter ) |
| 94 | ALL I'M SAYING IS, IT'S ONE THING BEING PREPARED |
| 95 | FOR AN ATTACK AGAINST, LIKE, EACH OTHER. |
| 96 | WHOLE 'NOTHER STORY BEING PREPARED FOR AN ATTACK |
| 97 | I DON'T KNOW, LIKE, A SURPRISE! |
| 98 | ALL RIGHT, YOU KNEW THAT WAS COMING |
| 99 | BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU HAVE UNAGI. |
| 100 | OOH, YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 101 | IF WE MADE RESERVATIONS |
| 102 | WE COULD HAVE UNAGI IN ABOUT A HALF HOUR. |
| 103 | YOU KNOW WHAT...? |
| 104 | HEY, HEY, IS MONICA HERE? |
| 105 | NO. UH-UH. |
| 106 | LOOK, I NEED YOUR HELP-- I DON'T KNOW |
| 107 | WHAT TO GET HER FOR VALENTINE'S DAY. |
| 108 | WELL, VALENTINE'S DAY WAS TWO WEEKS AGO |
| 109 | SO I WOULDN'T GET HER A CALENDAR. |
| 110 | ( weak chuckle ) |
| 111 | SHE WAS WORKING ON VALENTINE'S DAY |
| 112 | SO WE'RE CELEBRATING IT TONIGHT. |
| 113 | OH, HEY, WHY DON'T YOU BOOK A DAY FOR BOTH OF YOU |
| 114 | AT ONE OF THOSE ROMANTIC SPAS? |
| 115 | OOH, JOEY, THAT'S ACTUALLY A REALLY GOOD IDEA. |
| 116 | YEAH, AND, OF COURSE, CROTCHLESS PANTIES. |
| 117 | WELL, AS APPEALING |
| 118 | AS THAT DOES SOUND TO HER BOYFRIEND... |
| 119 | AND HER BROTHER... |
| 120 | I CAN'T DO THAT. |
| 121 | WE PROMISED WE'D MAKE EACH OTHER GIFTS THIS YEAR. |
| 122 | OH, I LOVE THAT. YOU GUYS! |
| 123 | YOU CAN'T MAKE CROTCHLESS PANTIES? |
| 124 | YOU TAKE... |
| 125 | YOU TAKE A PAIR OF SCISSORS AND JUST CUT THE... |
| 126 | OKAY, OKAY, OKAY! |
| 127 | SO, MAKING THINGS-- THAT SOUNDS SO MUCH FUN. |
| 128 | YEAH, I THOUGHT SO, TOO |
| 129 | UNTIL I PAPIER-MACHE'D ONE OF MY EYES SHUT. |
| 130 | I LOVE PAPIER-MACHE. |
| 131 | WHAT DID YOU MAKE? |
| 132 | I MADE A ( gibberish ). |
| 133 | WHAT IS THAT? |
| 134 | NOTHING! OH. |
| 135 | SO WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO? |
| 136 | WELL, HAVE YOU GUYS MADE ANYTHING |
| 137 | THAT MAYBE I COULD TAKE CREDIT FOR? |
| 138 | OOH, I HAVE. I HAVE. |
| 139 | UM, I STARTED MAKING THESE LITTLE SOCK BUNNIES. |
| 140 | OH, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD. |
| 141 | LOOK. |
| 142 | HEY, WAIT A MINUTE. |
| 143 | THAT IS MY SOCK. |
| 144 | NOW IT'S YOUR LITTLE BUNNY FRIEND. |
| 145 | ( both laughing ) |
| 146 | OKAY. |
| 147 | THIS... THIS ACTUALLY IS A ( gibberish ). |
| 148 | HEY! |
| 149 | HEY. |
| 150 | HONEY, CAN I ASK YOU A QUESTION |
| 151 | ABOUT THE VALENTINE'S DAY GIFTS? |
| 152 | OH, YEAH. |
| 153 | DO WE HAVE TO MAKE THE ENTIRE THING? |
| 154 | YES. |
| 155 | WHY, DID YOU FORGET TO MAKE YOURS? |
| 156 | OF COURSE... OF COURSE NOT. |
| 157 | I JUST HAVE TO, UH... |
| 158 | GO OVER TO THE PLACE WHERE I MADE IT AND PICK IT UP. |
| 159 | OKAY. I CAN'T WAIT. |
| 160 | THIS IS GOING TO BE THE BEST VALENTINE'S DAY EVER. |
| 161 | ( nervous laughter ) |
| 162 | I CAN'T BELIEVE IT. |
| 163 | MAKE THE PRESENTS! |
| 164 | MAKE THE PRESENTS! |
| 165 | WHAT? |
| 166 | I'M JUST SO EXCITED TO MAKE THE PRESENTS! |
| 167 | ( nervous laughter ) |
| 168 | SHOOT! |
| 169 | HI. UH, I'M JOEY TRIBBIANI |
| 170 | AND, WITH ALL DUE RESPECT |
| 171 | I'D LIKE TO DONATE SOME FLUIDS. |
| 172 | WE'RE ACTUALLY AT THE END OF ONE OF OUR RESEARCH CYCLES |
| 173 | SO WE'RE NOT LOOKING FOR APPLICANTS RIGHT NOW. |
| 174 | OH, THAT'S TOO BAD; I KIND OF BEEN SAVING UP. |
| 175 | UH... ARE YOU SURE |
| 176 | THERE'S NO STUDIES I COULD PARTICIPATE IN? |
| 177 | WELL, HERE'S A SCHEDULE OF WHAT'S COMING UP. |
| 178 | AH, THANKS. |
| 179 | BUT THIS ONE STARTS NOW. |
| 180 | OH, THAT ONE IS AVAILABLE NOW |
| 181 | BUT ONLY IDENTICAL TWINS ARE ELIGIBLE; IT'S A TWIN STUDY. |
| 182 | BUT IT'S $2,000. |
| 183 | SORRY. |
| 184 | OH. |
| 185 | AND, WELL, HOW ABOUT THIS ONE? |
| 186 | "TESTING THE EFFECTS OF JOEY TRIBBIANI |
| 187 | ON ATTRACTIVE NURSE RECEPTIONIST." |
| 188 | WE ALREADY GOT THE RESULTS BACK ON THAT ONE |
| 189 | AND THEY'RE NOT GOOD. |
| 190 | ...BUT IT WAS GOOD. |
| 191 | THOSE LAST MOVES WERE... |
| 192 | DANGER! DANGER! |
| 193 | ROSS! |
| 194 | WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?! |
| 195 | A LESSON IN THE IMPORTANCE OF UNAGI. |
| 196 | OH! |
| 197 | YOU'RE A FREAK! |
| 198 | PERHAPS. |
| 199 | NOW, I'M CURIOUS-- |
| 200 | AT WHAT POINT DURING THOSE GIRLISH SCREAMS |
| 201 | WOULD YOU HAVE BEGUN TO "KICK MY ASS"? |
| 202 | ALL RIGHT, SO WE WEREN'T PREPARED. |
| 203 | I'M SORRY I HAD TO TAKE |
| 204 | SUCH DRASTIC MEASURES TO MAKE MY POINT |
| 205 | BUT, LOOK, I JUST WANT YOU GUYS TO BE SAFE. |
| 206 | OH. OH. |
| 207 | DANGER! |
| 208 | UH-HUH. |
| 209 | UNAGI. |
| 210 | 2,000 BUCKS IS A LOT OF MONEY. |
| 211 | BOY, I WISH I HAD A TWIN. |
| 212 | WHERE COULD I FIND SOMEONE... |
| 213 | WHO LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE ME? |
| 214 | HEY. |
| 215 | CHANDLER... |
| 216 | I SENSED IT WAS YOU. |
| 217 | WHAT? |
| 218 | UNAGI. |
| 219 | I'M ALWAYS AWARE. |
| 220 | OKAY, ARE YOU AWARE THAT UNAGI IS AN EEL? |
| 221 | WHAT'S UP? |
| 222 | I CAN'T FIGURE OUT WHAT TO MAKE MONICA. |
| 223 | WHY NOT MAKE HER ONE OF YOUR LITTLE JOKES? |
| 224 | I'M GOING CRAZY, OKAY? |
| 225 | DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING AROUND HERE |
| 226 | THAT LOOKS HOMEMADE? |
| 227 | OH, YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 228 | SHE'D LOVE THIS. |
| 229 | IT'S AN EXACT REPLICA OF APOLLO EIGHT. |
| 230 | I MADE IT IN THE SIXTH GRADE. |
| 231 | YEAH, I GUESS I COULD USE THAT. |
| 232 | I COULD SAY, "YOUR LOVE SENDS ME TO THE MOON." |
| 233 | YEAH, YEAH. |
| 234 | EXCEPT APOLLO EIGHT DIDN'T ACTUALLY LAND ON THE MOON. |
| 235 | BUT YOU COULD WRITE |
| 236 | "YOUR LOVE LETS ME ORBIT THE MOON TWICE |
| 237 | AND RETURN SAFELY." |
| 238 | WAIT A MINUTE, I CAN'T GIVE THIS TO HER. |
| 239 | WHY NOT? |
| 240 | BECAUSE IT SAYS "CAPTAIN ROSS" ON THE SIDE... |
| 241 | AND IT SAYS "I HATE MONICA" ON THE BOTTOM. |
| 242 | MM-HMM. |
| 243 | DANGER! DANGER! |
| 244 | ( high-pitched shriek ) |
| 245 | AH... |
| 246 | SALMON SKIN ROLL. |
| 247 | OKAY... OKAY... |
| 248 | YES, HONEY, I'VE MADE IT MYSELF. |
| 249 | I CAN'T DO IT. I CAN'T DO IT. |
| 250 | OH! OH! |
| 251 | A MIX TAPE! A MIX TAPE! |
| 252 | OKAY, HI. |
| 253 | UH, YOU READY TO EXCHANGE GIFTS? |
| 254 | SURE. |
| 255 | OKAY, YOU GO FIRST. |
| 256 | OKAY, COME HERE. COME HERE. |
| 257 | OKAY. NOW, IT'S NOT WRAPPED |
| 258 | BECAUSE I JUST, JUST FINISHED IT. |
| 259 | OKAY. |
| 260 | BUT I MADE YOU A TAPE |
| 261 | OF WHAT I THINK ARE ALL ROMANTIC SONGS. |
| 262 | ( gasping ) |
| 263 | WHAT A GREAT GIFT. |
| 264 | IS "THE WAY YOU LOOK TONIGHT" ON IT? |
| 265 | MAYBE. WE'LL HAVE TO LISTEN AND SEE. |
| 266 | OH, I LOVE IT. |
| 267 | THANK YOU SO MUCH. |
| 268 | OKAY. |
| 269 | OKAY. |
| 270 | YOU READY TO OPEN YOURS? |
| 271 | YEAH. OKAY. |
| 272 | IT'S A SOCK BUNNY. |
| 273 | YEAH, YEAH, YOU REMEMBER HOW I CALL YOU "BUNNY"? |
| 274 | NOT REALLY. |
| 275 | WELL, I DID ONE TIME |
| 276 | AND I WANT TO START DOING IT MORE. |
| 277 | SEE, THAT'S WHAT THIS IS ABOUT. I SEE. |
| 278 | YOU KNOW, UM... PHOEBE MAKES SOCK BUNNIES. |
| 279 | NO, NO, SHE DOESN'T. |
| 280 | PHOEBE, WHAT SHE MAKES, THEY'RE SOCK RABBITS. |
| 281 | THEY'RE COMPLETELY DIFFERENT. |
| 282 | OKAY! OKAY! |
| 283 | OKAY |
| 284 | I DIDN'T MAKE IT. |
| 285 | I'M SORRY. I TOTALLY FORGOT ABOUT TONIGHT |
| 286 | AND THE FACT THAT WE'RE SUPPOSED TO MAKE THE PRESENTS. |
| 287 | OH, IT'S OKAY. I DON'T, I... |
| 288 | NO, NO, IT'S NOT OKAY. IT'S NOT. |
| 289 | I MEAN, YOU WERE JUST... YOU'RE SO INCREDIBLE |
| 290 | AND YOU WENT THROUGH ALL THIS TIME AND EFFORT TO MAKE |
| 291 | THIS TAPE FOR ME; YOU KNOW, I'M JUST GOING TO... |
| 292 | I'M GOING TO HAVE TO MAKE THIS UP TO YOU-- I WILL. |
| 293 | I AM GOING TO... COOK YOU ANYTHING YOU WANT IN HERE |
| 294 | AND I'M GOING TO DO ANYTHING YOU WANT IN THERE. |
| 295 | WELL, I DID PUT A LOT OF THOUGHT INTO THE TAPE. |
| 296 | WOW. |
| 297 | YOU ARE WAY TOO YOUNG TO HAVE SEEN THAT. |
| 298 | YOU KNOW, YOUR BIRTHDAY'S IN A MONTH AND A HALF. |
| 299 | WHAT DO YOU SAY |
| 300 | I FORGET TO GET YOU A PRESENT FOR THAT TOO? |
| 301 | YOU ARE TOTALLY AND COMPLETELY 100% FORGIVEN. |
| 302 | WE HAVE GOT TO WASH THAT. |
| 303 | YEAH. |
| 304 | HEY. |
| 305 | DO YOU REMEMBER THAT JACKET THAT YOU LOVED SO MUCH |
| 306 | THAT YOU THOUGHT WAS TOO EXPENSIVE? |
| 307 | YOU HAVE DONE ENOUGH. |
| 308 | I'M GOING TO WAKE UP EARLY AND GO GET IT FOR YOU. |
| 309 | NO, YOU DON'T HAVE... GET IT IN BLACK, NOT BROWN. |
| 310 | ( bell dings ) |
| 311 | OOP! YOUR CAKE IS READY. |
| 312 | OOP. |
| 313 | WELL, IT'S LIKE THAT OLD SAYING-- |
| 314 | "HAVE SEX, EAT SOME CAKE." |
| 315 | HEY, MON. HEY, CHAN. |
| 316 | JUST GETTING A SODA. |
| 317 | WHO THE HELL ARE YOU? |
| 318 | I'M JOEY. |
| 319 | HOW ARE YOU DOIN'? |
| 320 | NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! |
| 321 | HOW YOU DOIN'? |
| 322 | HOW YOU DOIN'? |
| 323 | DAMN IT, CARL. GO WAIT IN THE HALL. |
| 324 | LOOK. |
| 325 | I'VE GOT TO APOLOGIZE ON BEHALF OF CARL. |
| 326 | WHO THE HELL IS CARL?! |
| 327 | OH, DID I NOT MENTION? |
| 328 | CARL |
| 329 | IS A GUY I HIRED TO BE MY IDENTICAL TWIN |
| 330 | FOR A MEDICAL RESEARCH PROJECT. |
| 331 | YOU KNOW, SOMETIMES THE GOOD IDEAS ARE |
| 332 | JUST RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU, AREN'T THEY? |
| 333 | I KNOW IT SOUNDS CRAZY, BUT I THINK IT MIGHT WORK |
| 334 | BUT THE ONLY PROBLEM IS, CARL'S ACTING IS... |
| 335 | THE ONLY PROBLEM? |
| 336 | YEAH, HE'S THE REASON I DIDN'T GET |
| 337 | THAT BIG MINUTE MAID COMMERCIAL |
| 338 | A COUPLE OF YEARS AGO, REMEMBER? |
| 339 | WE WERE SUPPOSED TO BE BROTHERS, BUT HE MESSED IT UP. |
| 340 | HEY. |
| 341 | UH, CAN I GET A LITTLE PIECE OF THAT CAKE? |
| 342 | PIZZA! WE LIKE PIZZA! |
| 343 | GET OUT! |
| 344 | PAT SAJAK? |
| 345 | YEAH. |
| 346 | ALEX TREBEK? |
| 347 | OH, OF COURSE. |
| 348 | CHUCK WOOLERY. |
| 349 | DEFINITELY, PHOEBE. |
| 350 | YOU WILL NOT FIND A SINGLE GAME SHOW HOST |
| 351 | WHOSE ASS I CANNOT KICK. |
| 352 | ( groaning in pain ) |
| 353 | SAY IT! |
| 354 | SAY "WE ARE UNAGI." |
| 355 | IT'S NOT SOMETHING YOU ARE; IT'S SOMETHING YOU HAVE. |
| 356 | SAY IT! |
| 357 | YOU KNOW, I COULD EASILY GET OUT OF THIS |
| 358 | BUT THERE'S A CHANCE YOU COULD GET VERY, VERYHURT. |
| 359 | ( screaming ) |
| 360 | ALL RIGHT, CARL, WE'RE NEXT. |
| 361 | NOW REMEMBER |
| 362 | WHAT IS THIS NOT GOING TO BE? |
| 363 | ANOTHER MINUTE MAID FIASCO. |
| 364 | THAT'S RIGHT. |
| 365 | AND WHAT ARE YOU NOT GOING TO DO? |
| 366 | I'M NOT GOING TO TALK BECAUSE... |
| 367 | THAT... DAMN IT, CARL! |
| 368 | ( warning grunt ) |
| 369 | CAN I HAVE THE NEXT ONE, PLEASE? |
| 370 | THANK YOU. |
| 371 | JOEY AND TONY TRIBBIANI. |
| 372 | THAT'S US. |
| 373 | BUT, UH... |
| 374 | THIS IS A STUDY FOR IDENTICAL TWINS. |
| 375 | THAT'S RIGHT-- $2,000. |
| 376 | BUT YOU'RE NOT IDENTICAL TWINS. |
| 377 | DAMN IT, CARL! |
| 378 | OH, MY GOOD GOD. |
| 379 | OKAY, CONTINUING THE COUNTDOWN |
| 380 | OF YOUR FAVORITE MEALS. |
| 381 | TONIGHT, NUMBER THREE: |
| 382 | MACARONI AND CHEESE WITH CUT-UP HOT DOGS. |
| 383 | LOOK, YOU HAVE DONE ENOUGH, OKAY? |
| 384 | YOU HAVE TO STOP THIS NOW. |
| 385 | I WILL BUT NOT TONIGHT. |
| 386 | AND FOR DINNER MUSIC, I THOUGHT |
| 387 | WE COULD LISTEN TO THAT TAPE THAT YOU MADE ME. |
| 388 | OH, THE MIX TAPE. |
| 389 | Tony Bennett: ♪ When I'm awfully low... ♪ |
| 390 | "THE WAY YOU LOOK TONIGHT" IS ON HERE. |
| 391 | DANCE WITH ME? |
| 392 | ♪ I will feel a glow just thinking of you ♪ |
| 393 | ♪ And the way you look tonight. ♪ |
| 394 | YOU ARE JUST THE SWEETEST... |
| 395 | Janice: I love the way you look |
| 396 | every night, Chandler. |
| 397 | That's why I made you this tape. |
| 398 | Happy Birthday! |
| 399 | Love, Janice. |
| 400 | ( kissing sound ) |
| 401 | NO, YOU'RE THE SWEETEST... |
| 402 | OKAY, LADIES, THAT ENDS TODAY'S CLASS, AND LET'S REMEMBER-- |
| 403 | LET'S BE SAFE OUT THERE. |
| 404 | IT'S A GREAT CLASS. |
| 405 | THANKS, MAN. |
| 406 | YEAH, YEAH, I WAS WATCHING. |
| 407 | UM, HEY, A COUPLE OF QUESTIONS, THOUGH. |
| 408 | UM, YOU KNOW, ABOUT THAT LAST MOVE |
| 409 | WHERE THAT WOMAN TRIPPED YOU AND THEN PINNED YOU |
| 410 | TO THE FLOOR? |
| 411 | WHAT WOULD YOU DO NEXT? |
| 412 | WELL, AND THEN SHE'D TAKE HER KEYS AND TRY TO JAM THEM... |
| 413 | NO, NO, WHAT WOULD YOU DO NEXT? |
| 414 | WHO, ME, THE ATTACKER? |
| 415 | YES, THAT'S RIGHT. |
| 416 | WHY? |
| 417 | I TRIED ATTACKING TWO WOMEN. |
| 418 | DID NOT WORK. |
| 419 | WHAT? |
| 420 | NO, I MEAN, IT'S OKAY. |
| 421 | I MEAN, THEY'RE MY FRIENDS. |
| 422 | IN FACT, I WAS MARRIED TO ONE OF THEM. |
| 423 | LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT. |
| 424 | YOU ATTACKED YOUR EX-WIFE? |
| 425 | OH, NO, NO, NO. |
| 426 | I TRIED |
| 427 | BUT I COULDN'T. |
| 428 | THAT'S WHY I'M HERE. |
| 429 | MAYBE WE COULD ATTACK THEM TOGETHER. |
| 430 | THAT'S A "NO." |
| 431 | I AM SO, SO, SO, SO SORRY. |
| 432 | UH-HUH. |
| 433 | OH! AND I WILL COOK ANYTHING YOU WANT IN HERE |
| 434 | AND DO ANYTHING YOU WANT IN THERE. |
| 435 | YEAH, YOU WILL, AND ARE YOU KIDDING ME? |
| 436 | OH, COME ON, MONICA, IT'S OUR VALENTINE'S DAY. |
| 437 | PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE? |
| 438 | OKAY. |
| 439 | OKAY? |
| 440 | Janice: ♪ My funny valentine... ♪ |
| 441 | SO ARE WE GOING IN THERE? |
| 442 | I AM. |
| 443 | AHA. |
| 444 | NOWHERE TO RUN. |
| 445 | I DON'T LIKE SITTING UP HERE. |
| 446 | I'M GOING OVER THERE. |
| 447 | NO, RACHEL, THEY GOT HERE FIRST. |
| 448 | WHAT? |
| 449 | WHY IS ROSS DOING THAT? |
| 450 | Ross: DANGER! |
| 451 | OH, MY GOD! |
| 452 | WHY IS HE JUMPING ON THOSE WOMEN? |
| 453 | WE SHOULD HELP THEM. |
| 454 | I... I DON'T THINK THEY NEED ANY HELP. |
| 455 | ( screaming ) |
| 456 | [Captioned by The Caption Center WGBH Educational Foundation] |
| 457 | |
| 1 | HEY, I JUST GOT MY, UH... TEACHER EVALUATIONS. |
| 2 | CHECK OUT WHAT THIS ONE STUDENT WROTE. |
| 3 | "I LOVED DR. GELLER'S CLASS. MIND-BLOWING LECTURES. |
| 4 | "DR. GELLER, YOU ARE DEFINITELY |
| 5 | THE 'HOTTIE' OF THE PALEONTOLOGY DEPARTMENT." |
| 6 | AH, "HOTTIES OF THE PALEONTOLOGY DEPARTMENT." |
| 7 | THERE'S A BIG SELLING CALENDAR, HUH? |
| 8 | WHO WROTE IT? |
| 9 | OH, I WISH I KNEW |
| 10 | BUT THE EVALUATIONS ARE ALL ANONYMOUS. |
| 11 | DO YOU STILL HAVE THEIR FINAL EXAMS? |
| 12 | YEAH. |
| 13 | OH. 'CAUSE YOU COULD JUST MATCH |
| 14 | THE EVALUATION TO THE EXAM |
| 15 | WITH THE SAME HANDWRITING AND, BOOM |
| 16 | THERE'S YOUR ADMIRER. |
| 17 | A HOT GIRL'S AT STAKE |
| 18 | AND ALL OF A SUDDEN, HE'S RAIN MAN. |
| 19 | HEY, WAIT A MINUTE, WAIT A MINUTE. |
| 20 | WHY ARE WE SO SURE THAT THIS IS A GIRL? |
| 21 | IT'S A GIRL. |
| 22 | ANYWAY, IT WOULDN'T MATTER, OKAY? |
| 23 | BECAUSE I'M A TEACHER, SHE'S A STUDENT. |
| 24 | OH, IS THAT AGAINST THE RULES? |
| 25 | NO, BUT IT IS FROWNED UPON. |
| 26 | I SEE. |
| 27 | BESIDES, THERE'S A BIG AGE DIFFERENCE. |
| 28 | WELL, THINK OF IT LIKE THIS |
| 29 | WHEN YOU'RE 90... |
| 30 | I KNOW. WHEN I'M 90, SHE'LL BE, LIKE, 80 |
| 31 | AND IT WON'T SEEM LIKE SUCH A BIG DIFFERENCE. |
| 32 | NO, THAT'S NOT WHAT I WAS GOING TO SAY AT ALL. |
| 33 | NO. WHAT I WAS GOING |
| 34 | TO SAY IS WHEN YOU'RE 90 YOU'LL STILL HAVE THE MEMORY |
| 35 | OF WHAT IT WAS LIKE TO BE |
| 36 | WITH A 20-YEAR-OLD. |
| 37 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 38 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 39 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 40 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 41 | ♪ WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY, YOUR WEEK ♪ |
| 42 | ♪ YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 43 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 44 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME, TOO. ♪ |
| 45 | HEY, CHANDLER, YOU KNOW THAT GIRL |
| 46 | YOU WENT TO COLLEGE WITH WHO BECAME A MOVIE DIRECTOR? |
| 47 | OH, YEAH, DANA KEYSTONE. |
| 48 | SHE WAS IN MY MOVEMENT CLASS. |
| 49 | WHAT'S A MOVEMENT CLASS? |
| 50 | IT'S CHANDLER'S WAY OF PRETENDING |
| 51 | HE DIDN'T TAKE MIME. |
| 52 | WELL, LISTEN, ANYWAY, SHE'S DIRECTING |
| 53 | THE NEW AL PACINO MOVIE. |
| 54 | YOU GOT TO GET ME AN AUDITION. |
| 55 | I HAVEN'T TALKED TO HER IN TEN YEARS. |
| 56 | OH, NO, NO, NO. PLEASE, PLEASE, CHANDLER? |
| 57 | I WOULD OWE YOU SO MUCH. |
| 58 | YOU DO OWE ME SO MUCH. |
| 59 | YOU OWE ME $3,400... |
| 60 | DUDE, WHY ARE YOU CHANGING THE SUBJECT? |
| 61 | WILL YOU MAKE THE CALL OR WHAT? |
| 62 | OKAY, I'LL TRY. ALL RIGHT. |
| 63 | THANKS. YOU'RE THE BEST. |
| 64 | NOW, LISTEN |
| 65 | THE LAST DAY OF AUDITIONS IS THURSDAY, OKAY? |
| 66 | SO I GOT TO GET IN THERE BY THURSDAY, OKAY? |
| 67 | JUST REMEMBER THURSDAY. THURSDAY. |
| 68 | CAN YOU REMEMBER THURSDAY? |
| 69 | YEAH, SO, TUESDAY? |
| 70 | THURSDAY. |
| 71 | LOOK, IF YOU NEED HELP REMEMBERING |
| 72 | JUST THINK OF IT LIKE THIS: |
| 73 | THE THIRD DAY, ALL RIGHT? |
| 74 | MONDAY, ONE DAY. |
| 75 | TUESDAY, TWO DAY. |
| 76 | WEDNESDAY, WHEN? HUH? WHAT DAY? |
| 77 | THURSDAY! |
| 78 | THE THIRD DAY, OKAY? |
| 79 | THANK YOU. |
| 80 | OKAY. GOOD. |
| 81 | HEY, MON, I'M GOING TO CHECK MY MESSAGES. |
| 82 | YOU JUST THOUGHT OF THAT IN THERE? |
| 83 | SURE. YOU KNOW, NATURE CALLED. |
| 84 | SHE WANTED TO SEE WHO ELSE DID. |
| 85 | HELLO? |
| 86 | UH, RACHEL. |
| 87 | YOU GUYS, SOMEONE IS IN OUR APARTMENT. |
| 88 | CALL THE COPS! |
| 89 | YOU'RE ON THE PHONE! |
| 90 | OH, MY GOD! |
| 91 | WHAT? |
| 92 | OH, MY GOD. THANK YOU. |
| 93 | THAT WAS THE FIRE DEPARTMENT. |
| 94 | THERE WAS A FIRE AT OUR PLACE! |
| 95 | OH, MY GOD! |
| 96 | HOW BAD WAS IT? |
| 97 | WELL, HE DIDN'T SAY, BUT IT WAS A FIRE. |
| 98 | I'M GUESSING NOT VERY GOOD. |
| 99 | COME ON. WE GOT TO GO. |
| 100 | YEAH, COME ON. |
| 101 | WHAT ARE YOU SMILING ABOUT? |
| 102 | WHAT IS SO FUNNY? |
| 103 | THE PART I WANT TO AUDITION FOR IS A FIREMAN. |
| 104 | THIS IS SO MEANT TO BE! |
| 105 | WOW! |
| 106 | LOOKS LIKE YOU WERE VERY GENEROUS |
| 107 | WITH YOUR GRADES THIS SEMESTER. |
| 108 | ( chuckles ) |
| 109 | PROFESSOR GELLER? |
| 110 | YEAH? |
| 111 | I WANTED TO SAY |
| 112 | HOW MUCH I ENJOYED YOUR CLASS. |
| 113 | OH, THANK YOU. |
| 114 | THANKS VERY MUCH. |
| 115 | OW. |
| 116 | UM, I'M A LITTLE EMBARRASSED |
| 117 | ABOUT CALLING YOU A HOTTIE ON MY EVALUATION. |
| 118 | THAT WAS YOU? |
| 119 | YEAH. |
| 120 | I FELT A LITTLE WEIRD ABOUT IT. |
| 121 | YOU'RE A TEACHER. |
| 122 | I'M A STUDENT |
| 123 | BUT WOULD YOU |
| 124 | MAYBE WANT TO GO OUT WITH ME SOMETIME? |
| 125 | OH, I DON'T THINK THAT WOULD BE THE BEST IDEA. |
| 126 | OH, 'CAUSE I WAS THINKING... THE SEMESTER IS OVER. |
| 127 | YOU'RE NOT MY TEACHER ANYMORE. |
| 128 | WHAT TIME? |
| 129 | OH, YOU KNOW WHAT? FORGET IT. |
| 130 | I SEE YOU ALREADY GAVE ME AN "A." |
| 131 | GOTCHA. |
| 132 | I'M KIDDING! GOD! |
| 133 | OH. |
| 134 | SO, SERIOUSLY, WHAT TIME? |
| 135 | Phoebe: COMING THROUGH. |
| 136 | OH! COMING THROUGH. |
| 137 | OH, HELLO. |
| 138 | HI. |
| 139 | NO. RIGHT. |
| 140 | COMING THROUGH. |
| 141 | OKAY, WELL, IT'S NOT SO BAD. |
| 142 | YEAH, MOST OF THE DAMAGE |
| 143 | IS PRETTY MUCH CONTAINED TO THE BEDROOMS. |
| 144 | OH! |
| 145 | HEY, BUDDY |
| 146 | YOU THINK I COULD BORROW YOUR UNIFORM THIS THURSDAY? |
| 147 | EXCUSE ME? |
| 148 | JOEY, HE'S WORKING. |
| 149 | YOU WOULD LOOK GOOD IN THAT. |
| 150 | HOW BAD IS IT? |
| 151 | OH, IT'S BAD. IT'S REALLY BAD. |
| 152 | THE ONLY THING THERE THAT ISN'T BURNED IS AN AX |
| 153 | WHICH I DO NOT REMEMBER BUYING. |
| 154 | HOW'S YOUR ROOM, RACH? |
| 155 | EVERYTHING'S RUINED: MY BED, MY CLOTHES. |
| 156 | LOOK AT MY FAVORITE BLUE SWEATER. |
| 157 | ISN'T THAT MINE? |
| 158 | FINE. I'M SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS. |
| 159 | SO, UH, YOU'RE NOT |
| 160 | GOING TO BE ABLE TO LIVE HERE FOR A WHILE. |
| 161 | YOU LADIES HAVE A PLACE TO STAY? |
| 162 | OH, WOW. OKAY. |
| 163 | LOOK, PAL, I AM NOT IN THE MOOD |
| 164 | TO BE HIT ON RIGHT NOW. |
| 165 | BUT IF YOU GIVE ME YOUR NUMBER |
| 166 | I WILL CALL YOU SOME OTHER TIME. |
| 167 | YES. THEY CAN STAY WITH US. |
| 168 | HAVE YOU FIGURED OUT |
| 169 | WHAT STARTED THE FIRE, MR. FIREMAN? |
| 170 | WELL, UH, DO EITHER OF YOU SMOKE? |
| 171 | NO, NOT USUALLY |
| 172 | BUT, YEAH, I COULD USE ONE RIGHT NOW. THANKS. |
| 173 | NO, NO, NO. DO YOU LIGHT CANDLES, BURN INCENSE? |
| 174 | YES, I DO ALL THE TIME. |
| 175 | I LOVE THEM! |
| 176 | OH, MY GOD. I DID IT. |
| 177 | IT'S ME, IT'S ME. |
| 178 | I BURNED DOWN THE HOUSE! I BURNED DOWN THE HOUSE! |
| 179 | OKAY, PHOEBE, CALM DOWN. THERE'S NO NEED |
| 180 | TO PLACE BLAME, OKAY? |
| 181 | I WARNED HER ABOUT THOSE CANDLES. |
| 182 | GOD, IT'S GREAT TO CATCH UP. |
| 183 | I CAN'T BELIEVE HOW LONG IT'S BEEN. |
| 184 | HEY, CHANDLER, IS THAT...? |
| 185 | OH, THAT'S GREAT. |
| 186 | GOOD FOR YOU. |
| 187 | HEY, HEY, HEY, IS IT...? |
| 188 | OKAY, SO, YEAH, MAYBE WE CAN GET TOGETHER, UM... |
| 189 | CAN YOU HOLD ON FOR ONE SECOND, PLEASE? |
| 190 | WHAT? |
| 191 | WHEN YOU'RE OFF THE PHONE, YOU WANT TO GET A PIZZA? |
| 192 | HI, I'M BACK. |
| 193 | YEAH, THAT SOUNDS GREAT. |
| 194 | OKAY, WELL, WE'LL DO IT THEN. |
| 195 | OKAY, BYE. |
| 196 | ( gasps ) |
| 197 | HEY, LISTEN, SO WHEN'S MY AUDITION? |
| 198 | I MEAN, I KNOW IT'S THURSDAY |
| 199 | BUT WHAT TIME? |
| 200 | HEY. HI. |
| 201 | WE DIDN'T GET TO THE AUDITION. |
| 202 | I'LL TAKE HER TO COFFEE AND THEN WE'LL DO IT THEN. |
| 203 | WOW. SO, NOW YOU'RE GOING |
| 204 | ON A DATE WITH THIS GIRL? |
| 205 | HONEY, IT IS NOT A DATE. |
| 206 | I HAVEN'T TALKED TO HER IN TEN YEARS. |
| 207 | YOU CAN'T CALL UP SOMEBODY |
| 208 | YOU HAVEN'T TALKED TO IN TEN YEARS |
| 209 | AND ASK THEM FOR A FAVOR. |
| 210 | THERE ARE RULES. |
| 211 | YOU GOT TO PUT IN SOME TIME. |
| 212 | YOU'RE RIGHT. I'M SORRY. |
| 213 | IT'S NOT LIKE, YOU KNOW |
| 214 | YOU'RE GOING OUT WITH AN EX-GIRLFRIEND. |
| 215 | NO, WE ONLY WENT OUT ONCE. |
| 216 | YOU DATED HER?! |
| 217 | NOT ONCE. |
| 218 | GREAT. WELL, WHY DON'T I JUST GO OUT WITH AN EX-BOYFRIEND |
| 219 | AND, YOU KNOW, DO JOEY A FAVOR? |
| 220 | HEY, YOU WANT TO DO JOEY A FAVOR? |
| 221 | MAYBE YOU GO OUT WITH JOEY. |
| 222 | ( gasps ) |
| 223 | OH, THAT'S GREAT. |
| 224 | MY FRIEND JOEY'S IN THE MOVIE BUSINESS. |
| 225 | MM, YOU KNOW WHO I RAN INTO FROM SCHOOL? |
| 226 | HOWIE. |
| 227 | MY FRIEND'S NAME IS JOEY. |
| 228 | APPARENTLY, HOWIE'S EDITING NOW. |
| 229 | YEAH. HE CALLS ME UP AND ASKS ME |
| 230 | IF HE CAN EDIT MY NEW MOVIE. |
| 231 | CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT? |
| 232 | YOU KNOW, I HAVEN'T SPOKEN TO HIM |
| 233 | IN WHAT, TEN YEARS, AND HE ASKS ME FOR A FAVOR? |
| 234 | YEAH, I'VE ALWAYS HATED THAT HOWIE. |
| 235 | NO, NO "HOW YOU DOING?" |
| 236 | MAN, I MEAN, NOT EVEN A CUP OF COFFEE FIRST. |
| 237 | THE NERVE, HUH? |
| 238 | YEAH. |
| 239 | REFILL? |
| 240 | NOW THIS IS LAST MINUTE |
| 241 | SO I WANT TO APOLOGIZE FOR THE MESS, OKAY? |
| 242 | WHO CARES? |
| 243 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 244 | SURE DIDN'T LOOK THIS WAY |
| 245 | WHEN I LIVED HERE. |
| 246 | I KNOW! |
| 247 | NOW, LOOK |
| 248 | THERE'S ONLY ONE PROBLEM. |
| 249 | THERE'S ONLY ROOM FOR ONE |
| 250 | SO I GUESS ONE OF YOU WILL HAVE TO STAY AT JOEY'S. |
| 251 | WELL, SINCE THE FIRE WAS KIND OF MY FAULT |
| 252 | I GUESS YOU SHOULD GET TO STAY HERE. |
| 253 | HEY, HEY, HEY, NOW, THIS WAS |
| 254 | NO ONE'S FAULT, PHEEBS, OKAY? |
| 255 | IT WAS AN ACCIDENT. |
| 256 | IT WAS MY FAULT, SO YOU SHOULD GET THE NICE ROOM. |
| 257 | OKAY! |
| 258 | WOO-WOO! |
| 259 | RACH, YOU'RE THE FIRST GUEST |
| 260 | AT HOTEL MONICA. |
| 261 | HOTEL MONICA! |
| 262 | JUST TELL ME HOW |
| 263 | YOU LIKE YOUR EGGS IN THE MORNING. |
| 264 | I THOUGHT I WOULD BRING THEM TO YOU, YOU KNOW, IN BED. |
| 265 | WELL, YOU'VE BEEN THROUGH SO MUCH. |
| 266 | I HAVE. |
| 267 | THIS RIGHT HERE IS WHERE I KEEP THE PIZZA |
| 268 | AND, UH, THAT'S WHERE THE NAPKIN IS. |
| 269 | WHAT'S THAT SMELL? |
| 270 | I KNOW. |
| 271 | OH, PLEASE. |
| 272 | IT WAS SUCH A BIG CLASS. |
| 273 | YOU NEVER EVEN NOTICED ME. |
| 274 | WHAT? OF COURSE, I DID. |
| 275 | YOU, UH, YOU SAT NEXT TO SLEEPY SLEEPERSON. |
| 276 | WHO? |
| 277 | OH, UH, I HAD TROUBLE |
| 278 | REMEMBERING EVERYONE'S NAME |
| 279 | SO I KIND OF CAME UP WITH NICKNAMES. |
| 280 | LIKE THE GUY ON THE OTHER SIDE OF YOU WAS |
| 281 | UH, SMELLY VON BROWN SHIRT. |
| 282 | OH, YEAH. |
| 283 | SO, UH, DID YOU HAVE A NICKNAME FOR ME? |
| 284 | OH, NO, NO. |
| 285 | YES, YOU DID. |
| 286 | WHAT WAS IT? |
| 287 | UM, IT'S CUTIE McPRETTY. |
| 288 | OH, THAT'S SO SWEET. |
| 289 | LISTEN, I GOT TO TELL YOU |
| 290 | I'M HAVING A GREAT TIME. |
| 291 | YOU KNOW HOW BEFORE YOU SAID |
| 292 | IT MIGHT BE WEIRD |
| 293 | THE WHOLE STUDENT-TEACHER THING? |
| 294 | AND TO BE FRANK |
| 295 | I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE, TOO, BUT IT'S NOT. |
| 296 | I MEAN, IT'S NOT AT ALL. |
| 297 | DR. GELLER! |
| 298 | BURT! |
| 299 | SO, DID YOU SLEEP WELL LAST NIGHT? |
| 300 | I DID. YEAH? |
| 301 | MONICA WAS SO SWEET. |
| 302 | SHE LEFT A LITTLE MINT ON MY PILLOW. |
| 303 | YOU KNOW WHAT JOEY LEFT ON MY PILLOW? |
| 304 | WHAT? |
| 305 | GUM. |
| 306 | WELL, WE DETERMINED THE CAUSE OF THE FIRE. |
| 307 | YEAH, I KNOW, I KNOW. |
| 308 | IT WAS MY CANDLE, MY CANDLE. |
| 309 | NO. THERE WAS AN APPLIANCE LEFT ON IN THE BATHROOM. |
| 310 | IT LOOKS LIKE A CURLING IRON. |
| 311 | I DON'T USE A CURLING IRON. |
| 312 | WELL, SOMEONE DOES. |
| 313 | DON'T LOOK AT ME. |
| 314 | MY HAIR'S STRAIGHT. STRAIGHT, STRAIGHT, STRAIGHT. |
| 315 | COULD HAVE BEEN A HAIR STRAIGHTENER. |
| 316 | OH. |
| 317 | THIS IS WHERE I KEEP THE PIZZA |
| 318 | AND... HEY, WHERE'D THE NAPKIN GO? |
| 319 | NOW, THERE YOU GO. |
| 320 | I WOULDN'T WANT MY BEST GUEST TO STRAIN HER EYES. |
| 321 | THANKS, MONICA. |
| 322 | DOES THAT SMELL BOTHER YOU? |
| 323 | THE SMELL FROM JOEY'S? |
| 324 | NO. I CAN HARDLY SMELL IT OVER HERE. |
| 325 | OKAY. |
| 326 | WELL, YOU LET ME KNOW IF YOU CAN. |
| 327 | 'CAUSE, YOU KNOW, I CAN BAKE A PIE TO COVER IT. |
| 328 | I CAN SMELL IT A LITTLE. |
| 329 | BAKE THE PIE. |
| 330 | OKAY. |
| 331 | ( phone ringing ) |
| 332 | HELLO. |
| 333 | OH, YES. ONE MINUTE, PLEASE. |
| 334 | IT'S FOR YOU. IT'S THE FIRE INSPECTOR. |
| 335 | OH. |
| 336 | HELLO. |
| 337 | YEAH, THIS IS PHOEBE. |
| 338 | REALLY? |
| 339 | ( slightly disguising voice): YEAH. |
| 340 | SO, IT TURNS OUT |
| 341 | THAT IT WASN'T THE HAIR STRAIGHTENER |
| 342 | THAT STARTED THE FIRE. |
| 343 | NO, NO. IT WAS THE CANDLES. |
| 344 | YEAH. |
| 345 | IT'S VERY NOT GOOD |
| 346 | LEAVING CANDLES UNATTENDED. |
| 347 | IN FACT, ONE OF THE FIRST THINGS |
| 348 | THEY TEACH YOU IN FIRE SCHOOL |
| 349 | IS, UH... |
| 350 | UH, OKAY. |
| 351 | WELL, I HAVE TO GO NOW. |
| 352 | WE HAD SUCH A GREAT TIME. |
| 353 | SHE'S INCREDIBLE. |
| 354 | I THOUGHT THE AGE DIFFERENCE MIGHT BE A PROBLEM |
| 355 | BUT IT WASN'T. |
| 356 | IT WASN'T AT ALL. |
| 357 | ELIZABETH IS VERY MATURE FOR HER AGE. |
| 358 | A CONCEPT LOST ON SOME PEOPLE. |
| 359 | SO, IT'S OKAY TO DATE A STUDENT? |
| 360 | WELL, NOT REALLY. |
| 361 | I MEAN, TECHNICALLY |
| 362 | IT'S NOT AGAINST THE RULES OR ANYTHING |
| 363 | BUT IT IS FROWNED UPON. |
| 364 | ESPECIALLY BY THAT PROFESSOR |
| 365 | WE RAN INTO LAST NIGHT-- |
| 366 | JUDGEY VON HOLIER-THAN-THOU. |
| 367 | WELL, ROSS, YOU JUST BE CAREFUL, OKAY. |
| 368 | YOU DON'T WANT TO GET A REPUTATION |
| 369 | AS, YOU KNOW, PROFESSOR McNAILS-HIS-STUDENTS. |
| 370 | YEAH. |
| 371 | WHAT SHOULD I DO? |
| 372 | WELL, ROSS, IT SEEMS PRETTY CLEAR. |
| 373 | WHAT'S MORE IMPORTANT-- |
| 374 | WHAT PEOPLE THINK OR HOW YOU FEEL? |
| 375 | ROSS, YOU GOT TO FOLLOW YOUR HEART. |
| 376 | JOEY, THAT IS SO SWEET. |
| 377 | HEY. |
| 378 | HEY, HEY, SO, HOW'D IT GO WITH DANA? |
| 379 | ANY REASON I SHOULD LEAVE A BLOCK OF TIME OPEN-- |
| 380 | SAY, THURSDAY? |
| 381 | I COULDN'T DO IT. |
| 382 | YOU COULDN'T DO IT? |
| 383 | RELAX. I JUST NEED MORE TIME. |
| 384 | WE'RE GOING TO DINNER TONIGHT. |
| 385 | WHAT? YOU'RE GOING OUT WITH HER AGAIN? |
| 386 | GOING OUT WITH WHO? |
| 387 | UH, DANA KEYSTONE FROM COLLEGE. |
| 388 | OH, YEAH. |
| 389 | WASN'T SHE...? |
| 390 | NO, THAT WAS DANA KAPLAN. |
| 391 | All: OH, YEAH. |
| 392 | JOEY, YOU DIDN'T EVEN KNOW HER. |
| 393 | AW, WHATEVER. |
| 394 | GREAT STORY AGAIN. |
| 395 | THE YARNS THAT YOU WEAVE. |
| 396 | WHOO-HOO. |
| 397 | YOU KNOW, I SHOULD GET GOING. |
| 398 | OH, NO, NO. |
| 399 | STAY, STAY, BECAUSE YOU SHOULD... |
| 400 | YOU SHOULD STAY. |
| 401 | WOW. |
| 402 | OH, I AM |
| 403 | REALLY FLATTERED |
| 404 | BUT I JUST, I DON'T FEEL THAT WAY ABOUT YOU. |
| 405 | OH, NO, NO, NO. THAT'S NOT... NO, NO, NO. |
| 406 | I'M SORRY, CHANDLER. |
| 407 | YOU KNOW, YOU ARE SUCH A SWEET GUY |
| 408 | AND I DON'T WANT TO HURT YOU. |
| 409 | OH, I WISH THERE WAS SOMETHING |
| 410 | I COULD DO TO MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER. |
| 411 | NO, NO... |
| 412 | REALLY? |
| 413 | OF COURSE. |
| 414 | WELL, IT JUST HURTS SO BAD. |
| 415 | I, UH... |
| 416 | OH, I'M SORRY. |
| 417 | WELL, MAYBE THERE IS ONE THING YOU CAN DO. |
| 418 | WHAT? ANYTHING. ANYTHING. |
| 419 | WELL, I MEAN, THIS IS |
| 420 | JUST OFF THE TOP OF MY HEAD NOW. |
| 421 | UM, BUT I HAVE THIS FRIEND-- |
| 422 | UH, THIS ACTOR FRIEND-- |
| 423 | AND HE WOULD KILL ME IF HE KNEW THAT I WAS DOING THIS. |
| 424 | UM, BUT, UM... |
| 425 | WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR HIM TO GET AN AUDITION |
| 426 | FOR YOUR MOVIE |
| 427 | SAY, ON THURSDAY? |
| 428 | ABSOLUTELY. |
| 429 | BUT YOU'D REALLY FEEL BETTER |
| 430 | ABOUT ME REJECTING YOU IF YOUR ACTOR FRIEND |
| 431 | CAN AUDITION FOR MY MOVIE? |
| 432 | THE HEART WANTS WHAT IT WANTS. |
| 433 | I'LL SEE YOU LATER. |
| 434 | HEY, HOW'S IT GOING? |
| 435 | WELL, NOT MUCH HAS CHANGED IN THE LAST FIVE MINUTES. |
| 436 | YES, IT HAS. |
| 437 | I MADE COOKIES. |
| 438 | I'M STILL FULL FROM YOUR HOMEMADE POTATO CHIPS. |
| 439 | BUT YOU SHOULD EAT THEM NOW |
| 440 | 'CAUSE THEY'RE HOT FROM THE OVEN. |
| 441 | OKAY. |
| 442 | OH, BUT NOT IN HERE. |
| 443 | YOU CAN'T EAT THEM IN BED, REMEMBER? |
| 444 | NO CRUMBIES. |
| 445 | OKAY. |
| 446 | I'LL BE OUT IN A SECOND. |
| 447 | OKAY. |
| 448 | WHAT ARE YOU DOING? |
| 449 | THIS DOESN'T LOCK, DOES IT? |
| 450 | OH, JOEY, I'M SORRY. |
| 451 | OH, THAT'S ALL RIGHT. |
| 452 | DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT. |
| 453 | NO. BUT LOOK. |
| 454 | OH, THAT'S GOING TO LEAVE A STAIN. |
| 455 | RACH, HEY, IT'S FINE. |
| 456 | YOU'RE AT JOEY'S. |
| 457 | REALLY? |
| 458 | YEAH. |
| 459 | LOOK. |
| 460 | I'VE NEVER LIVED LIKE THIS BEFORE. |
| 461 | I KNOW. |
| 462 | WELL, DON'T WASTE IT. IT'S STILL FOOD. |
| 463 | GEEZ. |
| 464 | WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO NOW, HUH? |
| 465 | YOU WANT TO GO GET A DRINK? |
| 466 | UH, I CAN'T. |
| 467 | YOU HAVE |
| 468 | SOME STUDYING TO DO? |
| 469 | NO, I HAVE SOME TURNING 21 TO DO. |
| 470 | OKAY. |
| 471 | YOU KNOW, I REMEMBER WHEN I WAS IN COLLEGE |
| 472 | WE USED TO... |
| 473 | WHAT ARE YOU DOING? |
| 474 | NOTHING. |
| 475 | I'M JUST, I'M SO COMFORTABLE WITH YOU. |
| 476 | DO YOU NOT WANT TO BE SEEN WITH ME? |
| 477 | OF COURSE, I DO. |
| 478 | ARE THEY GONE? |
| 479 | UH, NO, THEY'RE STILL HERE |
| 480 | BUT I THINK I'M ABOUT TO LEAVE. |
| 481 | WHAT? |
| 482 | NO, NO, WAIT. |
| 483 | YOU'RE RIGHT. |
| 484 | THIS IS STUPID. |
| 485 | WHO CARES WHAT PEOPLE THINK? |
| 486 | I MEAN, WE LIKE EACH OTHER, RIGHT? |
| 487 | THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT. |
| 488 | COME ON. |
| 489 | BURT. |
| 490 | LYDIA. |
| 491 | MEL. |
| 492 | THIS IS ELIZABETH. |
| 493 | HI. |
| 494 | AREN'T YOU IN MY POPULAR CULTURE CLASS? |
| 495 | Ross: THAT'S RIGHT, LYDIA. |
| 496 | ELIZABETH HERE IS A STUDENT |
| 497 | AND, UH, WE'RE DATING. |
| 498 | AND YOU MAY FROWN UPON THAT |
| 499 | BUT WE'RE NOT GOING TO HIDE IT ANYMORE. |
| 500 | YOU ARE SO FIRED. |
| 501 | WHAT? |
| 502 | THEY'RE GOING TO FIRE YOU. |
| 503 | YOU CAN'T DATE A STUDENT. |
| 504 | IT'S AGAINST THE RULES. |
| 505 | REALLY? |
| 506 | IT'S NOT JUST FROWNED UPON? |
| 507 | I LOVE IT AT JOEY'S. |
| 508 | HERE YOU GO. |
| 509 | NICE. |
| 510 | Rachel: THANKS. |
| 511 | SO, YOU BUSY THURSDAY? |
| 512 | OH, VERY FUNNY. |
| 513 | I DON'T KNOW IF YOU REMEMBER |
| 514 | BUT MY AUDITION WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THURSDAY. |
| 515 | YOU GOT ME THE AUDITION? |
| 516 | LET'S HUG! |
| 517 | OKAY. OKAY. |
| 518 | WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO TO ME |
| 519 | IF YOU GET THE PART? |
| 520 | HEY. |
| 521 | HEY. |
| 522 | LISTEN, UM... |
| 523 | YEAH, OKAY, I NEED TO TALK TO YOU. |
| 524 | NOW, I KNOW THAT THEY SAID |
| 525 | THAT THE, UM, THE HAIR STRAIGHTENER |
| 526 | STARTED THE FIRE |
| 527 | BUT I THINK I'M PARTLY AT FAULT. |
| 528 | YOU SEE, I DIDN'T TELL YOU |
| 529 | BUT, UM, BUT, UH... |
| 530 | I HAD RECENTLY REFILLED THE TISSUES. |
| 531 | AND, SO, LET'S FACE IT, THAT'S JUST KINDLING. |
| 532 | SO, YOU KNOW, I THINK IT'S BETTER |
| 533 | THAT I STAY AT JOEY'S. |
| 534 | NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. |
| 535 | PHOEBE, THIS WAS MY FAULT. |
| 536 | AND BESIDES, YOU KNOW WHAT, I'M FINE HERE. |
| 537 | OKAY. |
| 538 | CHANDLER, MONICA IS LOOKING FOR YOU. |
| 539 | REALLY? |
| 540 | YEAH. SHE SAID SOMETHING ABOUT CRUMBIES. |
| 541 | NO, NO, NO. I WAS SO CAREFUL. |
| 542 | OKAY, YOU HAVE TO SWITCH WITH ME. |
| 543 | MONICA IS DRIVING ME CRAZY. |
| 544 | Joey: THAT'S RIGHT. |
| 545 | ALL THE LADIES |
| 546 | WANT TO STAY AT JOEY'S. |
| 547 | NO, NO. |
| 548 | PHOEBE, I DON'T WANT TO SWITCH. |
| 549 | PLEASE, COME ON. |
| 550 | I CAN THROW WET PAPER TOWELS HERE. |
| 551 | NO, BUT AT MONICA'S, YOU CAN EAT COOKIES |
| 552 | OVER THE SINK. |
| 553 | I KNOW. |
| 554 | I'M SORRY. |
| 555 | ALL RIGHT, FINE. |
| 556 | THIS LOOKS LIKE SO MUCH FUN. |
| 557 | YEAH. |
| 558 | GOD, WHAT A MESS. |
| 559 | WOW. IT ACTUALLY IS IN THE HANDBOOK. |
| 560 | I CAN'T DATE YOU OR HAVE A HOT PLATE IN MY OFFICE. |
| 561 | OH, I CAN'T BELIEVE |
| 562 | WE HAVE TO STOP SEEING EACH OTHER. |
| 563 | FOR WHAT IT'S WORTH |
| 564 | I DID APPRECIATE YOU STANDING UP FOR ME. |
| 565 | IT FELT REALLY NICE. |
| 566 | KIND OF MADE ME LIKE YOU EVEN MORE. |
| 567 | I KNOW, I KNOW. |
| 568 | I REALLY LIKE YOU, TOO. |
| 569 | BUT WE CAN'T DATE. |
| 570 | IT'S AGAINST THE RULES. |
| 571 | IT'S FORBIDDEN. |
| 572 | WOW. |
| 573 | WHAT? |
| 574 | JUST HEARING YOU |
| 575 | DESCRIBE IT AS FORBIDDEN-- |
| 576 | IT'S REALLY HOT. |
| 577 | REALLY? |
| 578 | YEAH. |
| 579 | WELL... I-I DON'T CARE HOW HOT IT IS-- |
| 580 | IT'S.... IT'S WRONG. |
| 581 | STOP IT. |
| 582 | NO, NO. |
| 583 | IT'S WRONG. |
| 584 | IT'S-IT'S, IT'S NAUGHTY. |
| 585 | IT'S... |
| 586 | TABOO. |
| 587 | SHUT THE BOOK. |
| 588 | LET'S ALSO GET A HOT PLATE. |
| 589 | SO? |
| 590 | SO...? |
| 591 | IT'S THURSDAY. |
| 592 | HOW WAS THE AUDITION? |
| 593 | MONDAY, ONE DAY... |
| 594 | TUESDAY, TWO DAY... |
| 595 | WEDNESDAY... |
| 596 | THURSDAY... |
| 597 | ( gasps ) |
| 598 | OH! |
| 599 | [Captioned by The Caption Center WGBH Educational Foundation] |
| 600 | |
| 1 | WELL, THAT THING'S CLEARLY IN THE WAY. |
| 2 | ALL RIGHT. AHA! |
| 3 | ( electrical buzzing) ( screams ) |
| 4 | DAMN FRIDGE! |
| 5 | HEY, JOEY, HOW YOU DOING? |
| 6 | GREAT... |
| 7 | ROOMIE. |
| 8 | HUH. YEAH, I GUESS WE ARE ROOMMATES NOW. |
| 9 | NOW THAT YOU BRING IT UP |
| 10 | UH, OUR FRIDGE IS BROKEN. |
| 11 | WE HAVE TO GET A NEW ONE. |
| 12 | I CHECKED AROUND AND YOUR HALF IS $400. |
| 13 | THANKS A LOT, RACH. |
| 14 | I'M NOT PAYING FOR HALF OF THAT. |
| 15 | I'M ONLY STAYING HERE UNTIL MY APARTMENT GETS FIXED. |
| 16 | LOOK, RACH, MY PARENTS BOUGHT THIS FRIDGE |
| 17 | JUST AFTER I WAS BORN, OKAY? |
| 18 | NOW, I HAVE NEVER HAD A PROBLEM WITH IT. |
| 19 | THEN YOU SHOW UP AND IT BREAKS. |
| 20 | WHAT DOES THAT TELL YOU? |
| 21 | THAT REFRIGERATORS DON'T LIVE AS LONG AS PEOPLE. |
| 22 | ALL RIGHT, NOW, YOU KNOW THAT THE A.T.M. |
| 23 | WILL ONLY LET YOU TAKE OUT $300 AT A TIME |
| 24 | SO I'LL TAKE A CHECK FOR THE OTHER $100. |
| 25 | YOU'RE JOKING, RIGHT? |
| 26 | OF COURSE I'M JOKING. |
| 27 | I DON'T TAKE CHECKS. |
| 28 | THANK GOD YOU'RE PRETTY. |
| 29 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 30 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 31 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 32 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 33 | ♪ WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY, YOUR WEEK ♪ |
| 34 | ♪ YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 35 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 36 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME, TOO. ♪ |
| 37 | HEY. |
| 38 | HI. HEY. |
| 39 | DO YOU GUYS KNOW ANY CUTE GUYS? |
| 40 | WELL, OF COURSE I DO. |
| 41 | MY GOOD FRIEND JOEY OVER HERE. |
| 42 | OH, I'M SORRY. |
| 43 | THANK YOU, CHANDLER. |
| 44 | ANYWAY... |
| 45 | THERE'S THIS BIG CHARITY BALL THIS WEEKEND |
| 46 | AND RALPH LAUREN BOUGHT A TABLE, SO I KIND OF HAVE TO GO. |
| 47 | WHAT'S THE CHARITY? |
| 48 | I DON'T KNOW. |
| 49 | SOMETHING, EITHER TREES, OR... DISEASE... |
| 50 | RALPH MUMBLES A LOT. |
| 51 | DOES RALPH MUMBLE WHEN YOU'RE NOT PAYING ATTENTION? |
| 52 | YEAH, IT'S WEIRD. |
| 53 | BUT THE THING IS, I NEED TO FIND A DATE. |
| 54 | WHAT KIND OF GUY ARE YOU LOOKING FOR? |
| 55 | WELL, SOMEONE THAT HAS HIS OWN TUX |
| 56 | OR THE ABILITY TO RENT A TUX. |
| 57 | SO HE HAS TO BE A MALE WHO HAS AT LEAST $50. |
| 58 | OOH, SO CLOSE. |
| 59 | HEY, EVERYBODY. |
| 60 | HI. HI THERE. |
| 61 | THIS IS ELIZABETH. |
| 62 | All: HI. |
| 63 | I'M THE STUDENT. |
| 64 | OH, ISN'T SHE CUTE? |
| 65 | NO. |
| 66 | YOU KNOW, THIS IS PROBABLY NONE OF MY BUSINESS |
| 67 | BUT WEREN'T YOU GUYS SUPPOSED TO NOT BE SEEN IN PUBLIC TOGETHER? |
| 68 | OH, WE'RE NOT TOGETHER. |
| 69 | NO, WE'RE JUST TWO PEOPLE |
| 70 | WHO HAPPENED TO HAVE RUN INTO EACH OTHER |
| 71 | HERE AT THE COFFEE HOUSE. |
| 72 | ( giggling ) |
| 73 | OH, SLY. |
| 74 | I REALLY WANTED TO MEET YOU GUYS, BUT I HAVE TO RUN. |
| 75 | I'LL SEE YOU LATER? |
| 76 | All: OKAY. |
| 77 | BYE, ROSS. BYE. |
| 78 | OOPS. DIDN'T MEAN TO RUN INTO YOU LIKE THAT, SIR. |
| 79 | OH, THAT IS QUITE ALL RIGHT, MA'AM. |
| 80 | BYE. |
| 81 | SO, WHY IS SHE LEAVING? |
| 82 | IS IT A SCHOOL NIGHT |
| 83 | AND SHE HAS A LOT OF HOMEWORK TO DO? |
| 84 | YES, HER MOLECULAR EPIDEMIOLOGY PAPER IS DUE TOMORROW. |
| 85 | OH, TELL HER GOOD LUCK WITH THAT. |
| 86 | ANYONE ELSE? HUH? |
| 87 | BRING 'EM ON. |
| 88 | OH! WHEN'S HER BIRTHDAY? |
| 89 | I DON'T KNOW, RACHEL. WHY? |
| 90 | WELL, YOU KNOW, IT'S JUST BEEN SO LONG |
| 91 | SINCE I'VE BEEN TO CHUCK E. CHEESE. |
| 92 | ( groans ) |
| 93 | OH, I LIKE ELIZABETH. |
| 94 | WELL, THANKS. |
| 95 | YEAH, IN FACT, I LIKE HER SO MUCH |
| 96 | THAT YOU TELL HER I WANT MY COOKIES |
| 97 | EARLY THIS YEAR. |
| 98 | YOU KNOW... |
| 99 | A BOX OF THIN MINTS AND SOME TAGALONGS. |
| 100 | HEY, COME ON, GIVE HIM A BREAK. |
| 101 | ROSS, SERIOUSLY, HOW'S IT GOING WITH HER? |
| 102 | WELL, IT'S ACTUALLY BEEN GREAT. |
| 103 | SHE'S 20, SO SHE'S NOT LOOKING FOR ANYTHING TOO SERIOUS |
| 104 | WHICH IS PERFECT FOR ME RIGHT NOW. |
| 105 | WELL, THAT IS GREAT. |
| 106 | AND SERIOUSLY, SHE SEEMS VERY NICE. |
| 107 | THANKS. I KNOW YOU GUYS LIKE TO GIVE ME A HARD TIME AND ALL |
| 108 | BUT IT REALLY MEANS A LOT TO ME THAT YOU LIKE HER. |
| 109 | JUST KNOWING THAT YOU GUYS ARE LIKE... |
| 110 | OKAY, I GOT A GOOD ONE. |
| 111 | OKAY, UM... |
| 112 | WHAT IS SHE, LIKE, 12? |
| 113 | CHANDLER, DO YOU THINK |
| 114 | WE TALK ABOUT OUR RELATIONSHIP ENOUGH? |
| 115 | YEAH. DO WE HAVE ANY FRUIT ROLL-UPS? |
| 116 | HEY. |
| 117 | HEY. HEY. |
| 118 | OKAY, I JUST THOUGHT OF THE PERFECT GUY FOR RACHEL |
| 119 | TO TAKE TO HER THING. |
| 120 | OH, THAT'S SO FUNNY, BECAUSE WE FOUND SOMEONE, TOO. |
| 121 | OH, THAT'S GOOD. |
| 122 | I GUESS SHE'LL HAVE A CHOICE |
| 123 | BETWEEN MY GUY AND YOUR WEIRDO. |
| 124 | WHY WOULD OUR GUY BE A WEIRDO? |
| 125 | 'CAUSE THAT'S JUST YOUR TASTE. |
| 126 | ( fake laugh ) |
| 127 | SEE, RACHEL'S NOT GOING TO PICK YOUR STUPID GUY. |
| 128 | OH, YEAH? |
| 129 | YEAH. |
| 130 | MY GUY IS A LAWYER WHO DOES VOLUNTEER WORK |
| 131 | AND HE HAS ONE OF THESE. |
| 132 | A FACE ASS? |
| 133 | A CHIN DIMPLE. |
| 134 | WELL, UH, YOU KNOW, OUR GUY WORKS WITH CHANDLER |
| 135 | AND HE'S REALLY NICE AND SMART |
| 136 | AND HE'S A GREAT DRESSER. |
| 137 | HAVE YOU SEEN YOUR GUY'S BODY? |
| 138 | NO. OUR GUY'S JUST A FLOATING HEAD. |
| 139 | WELL, MY GUY IS SPECTACULAR, OKAY? |
| 140 | HE'S A MASSAGE CLIENT. |
| 141 | AND ONE TIME, WHEN HE WAS ON THE TABLE |
| 142 | I LOOKED AT IT, AND I MEAN ALL OF IT. |
| 143 | YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO LOOK. |
| 144 | OH, YEAH, LIKE THERE ARE POLICE FOR THAT. |
| 145 | YOU LOOK? YOU-YOU MASSAGE ME. |
| 146 | I KNOW. |
| 147 | ALL RIGHT, FINE. |
| 148 | YOUR GUY MAY HAVE A GREAT BODY |
| 149 | BUT OUR GUY IS REALLY FUNNY. |
| 150 | CHANDLER FUNNY? |
| 151 | OUR GUY'S A GREAT DANCER. |
| 152 | MY GUY'S WELL-READ. |
| 153 | OUR GUY HAS GREAT HAIR. |
| 154 | MY GUY HAS GREAT TEETH. |
| 155 | OUR GUY SMELLS INCREDIBLE. |
| 156 | DO YOU WANT OUR GUY TO BE YOUR GUY? |
| 157 | HEY. |
| 158 | UH... |
| 159 | WELL, YOU... |
| 160 | YOU DON'T LOOK GOOD, JOE. |
| 161 | WELL, THE FRIDGE BROKE |
| 162 | SO I HAD TO EAT EVERYTHING. |
| 163 | COLD CUTS, ICE CREAM, LIMES... |
| 164 | HEY, WHAT WAS IN THAT BROWN JAR? |
| 165 | THAT'S STILL IN THERE? |
| 166 | NOT ANYMORE. |
| 167 | SO, ANYWAY, HOW DO YOU WANT TO PAY ME? |
| 168 | IS THIS A SERVICE YOU'RE PROVIDING ME? |
| 169 | NO, NO, NO... FOR MY NEW FRIDGE-- |
| 170 | OUR NEW FRIDGE. |
| 171 | OUR NEW FRIDGE? |
| 172 | I DON'T LIVE HERE ANYMORE. |
| 173 | SO WHAT? |
| 174 | LOOK, OKAY, SUPPOSE WE WERE A DIVORCED COUPLE. |
| 175 | UH-HUH. |
| 176 | AND I GOT CUSTODY OF THE KID, RIGHT? |
| 177 | NOW, SUPPOSE THE KID DIES AND I GOT TO BUY A NEW KID. |
| 178 | OKAY. |
| 179 | GIVE ME $400. |
| 180 | PROFESSOR GELLER? |
| 181 | MM? OH, A STUDENT I DON'T KNOW. |
| 182 | I WAS WONDERING IF I COULD TALK TO YOU FOR A MOMENT? |
| 183 | YES, OF COURSE. |
| 184 | WHAT WOULD THIS BE REGARDING? |
| 185 | MAKING OUT IN YOUR OFFICE. |
| 186 | WH-- SHH... |
| 187 | OF-OF COURSE. |
| 188 | WHY DON'T WE GO INSIDE? |
| 189 | ( giggles ) |
| 190 | MM-MM... |
| 191 | OH, OH... |
| 192 | WHAT? DOORKNOB. |
| 193 | DOORKNOB. |
| 194 | SORRY. |
| 195 | UM, I ACTUALLY DO NEED TO TALK TO YOU. |
| 196 | OH, OKAY, WHAT ABOUT? |
| 197 | SPRING VACATION. |
| 198 | SPRING VACATION. |
| 199 | YEAH, WE HAVE TIME OFF |
| 200 | AND A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE GOING ON TRIPS, AND... |
| 201 | PROFESSOR GELLER? |
| 202 | YES, PROFESSOR FRIE-SEN... STIN-LINDER. |
| 203 | I'LL BE WITH YOU IN ONE MOMENT. |
| 204 | SO, I WILL TAKE ONE BOX OF THE THIN MINTS. |
| 205 | YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. |
| 206 | ELIZABETH WAS ABOUT TO ASK ME TO GO ON A TRIP WITH HER. |
| 207 | IS THAT TAKING IT SLOW? |
| 208 | I'M NOT READY FOR THIS, OKAY? |
| 209 | WHAT DO I TELL HER? |
| 210 | JUST TELL HER THE TRUTH. |
| 211 | TELL HER YOU'RE NOT READY. |
| 212 | I COULD DO THAT. |
| 213 | WHAT IF SHE GETS UPSET? |
| 214 | THEN YOU DISTRACT HER WITH A BARBIE DOLL. |
| 215 | OR... |
| 216 | YOU COULD JUST, YOU KNOW... |
| 217 | WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING? |
| 218 | WH... |
| 219 | WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING? |
| 220 | YOU JUST BROKE MY FRIDGE! |
| 221 | WHAT? HOW DO YOU KNOW IF... |
| 222 | HOW DO YOU KNOW IT'S EVEN BROKEN? |
| 223 | OH, YOU THINK I DON'T KNOW WHAT BREAKS MY FRIDGE? |
| 224 | EXCUSE ME. |
| 225 | WELL, WHAT DO YOU KNOW? |
| 226 | BROKEN. |
| 227 | THAT'LL BE $400. |
| 228 | JOEY, I SAW YOU PUSH HIM. |
| 229 | YOU PUSHED HIM. |
| 230 | JOEY, I DID NOT BREAK THIS, OKAY? |
| 231 | THAT HAS BEEN BROKEN FOR A WHILE. |
| 232 | CHANDLER, REMEMBER I TOLD YOU ABOUT OUR FRIDGE? |
| 233 | UH-HUH. |
| 234 | I STILL HAVEN'T GOTTEN |
| 235 | THE CHECK FOR YOUR HALF YET. |
| 236 | DO NOT GIVE HIM ANY MONEY. |
| 237 | I'M NOT TALKING TO YOU! |
| 238 | YOU BROKE MY FRIDGE! |
| 239 | YOU WANTED TO SEE ME, PROFESSOR GELLER? |
| 240 | YES. YES, PLEASE COME IN. |
| 241 | OOH-OOH... |
| 242 | DOORKNOB? |
| 243 | YEAH, IT KIND OF GROWS ON YOU. |
| 244 | ( chuckling ) |
| 245 | ACTUALLY, I WANTED TO FINISH TALKING TO YOU |
| 246 | ABOUT SPRING VACATION. |
| 247 | OH, GOOD. |
| 248 | LOOK, I... |
| 249 | LOOK, I'M HAVING A GREAT TIME WITH YOU |
| 250 | AND I JUST DON'T WANT US TO MOVE TOO FAST |
| 251 | OR PUT TOO MUCH PRESSURE ON US. |
| 252 | SO, I'M SORRY. |
| 253 | I JUST DON'T THINK WE SHOULD GO AWAY TOGETHER YET. |
| 254 | IT'S TOO SOON. |
| 255 | UM, ROSS, I THINK YOU MISUNDERSTOOD |
| 256 | WHAT I WAS SAYING. |
| 257 | I JUST WANTED TO TELL YOU |
| 258 | THAT I'M GOING TO FLORIDA FOR A COUPLE OF WEEKS. |
| 259 | NO. I THINK YOU MISUNDERSTOOD WHAT I WAS SAYING. |
| 260 | WHAT I MEANT WAS... |
| 261 | YOU ARE SO ADORABLE. |
| 262 | THAT... LET'S TALK ABOUT THAT. |
| 263 | ( giggles ) |
| 264 | HI. HEY. |
| 265 | HOW DID IT GO WITH ELIZABETH? |
| 266 | OH, OH, IT WAS FINE. |
| 267 | UH, IT WAS JUST A MISUNDERSTANDING. |
| 268 | SHE DIDN'T WANT ME TO GO WITH HER. |
| 269 | SHE JUST WANTED TO LET ME KNOW |
| 270 | THAT SHE'S GOING TO FLORIDA FOR SPRING VACATION. |
| 271 | WAIT A MINUTE. |
| 272 | IS SHE GOING FOR SPRING VACATION |
| 273 | OR IS SHE GOING FOR SPRING BREAK? WHOO-HOO! |
| 274 | WHAT'S-WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE? |
| 275 | WELL, A SPRING VACATION |
| 276 | YOU'RE DOING NICE THINGS WITH YOUR GRANDPARENTS. |
| 277 | SPRING BREAK, YOU'RE DOING FRAT GUYS. |
| 278 | HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 279 | NOT ALL SPRING BREAKS ARE LIKE THAT. |
| 280 | WHAT'D YOU DO ON YOURS? |
| 281 | I WENT TO EGYPT WITH MY DAD. |
| 282 | I CAN SEE IT NOW. |
| 283 | LOOK, DAD, IT'S THE SPHINX. |
| 284 | WHOO-WHOO! |
| 285 | I THINK ELIZABETH IS A LITTLE MORE SERIOUS |
| 286 | THAN SPRING BREAK... WHOO-HOO! |
| 287 | ALL RIGHT, I MEAN, COME ON. |
| 288 | SHE'S TAKING MY CLASS. |
| 289 | AND SLEPT WITH THE PROFESSOR. |
| 290 | I'M GOING TO CALL HER. |
| 291 | YEAH. |
| 292 | HEY. |
| 293 | YOU GUYS, UM, I WANT YOU TO MEET SEBASTIAN. |
| 294 | HI. |
| 295 | WE JUST MET AT THE NEWSSTAND. |
| 296 | WE BOTH GRABBED FOR THE LAST FIELD AND STREAM. |
| 297 | WHAT? I READ THAT. |
| 298 | CAN I GET YOU A CUP OF COFFEE? |
| 299 | OH, YES, THANK YOU. |
| 300 | RACHEL, WHAT THE HELL IS THIS? |
| 301 | WHAT? |
| 302 | YOU ASKED US TO FIND YOU A GUY |
| 303 | AND THEN YOU COME TRAIPSING IN HERE WITH A GUY OF YOUR OWN? |
| 304 | YOU FOUND ME A GUY? |
| 305 | YES, WE FOUND YOU A REALLY CUTE |
| 306 | AND FUNNY GUY FROM CHANDLER'S WORK. |
| 307 | YEAH, AND I FOUND YOU ONE, TOO |
| 308 | WHO IS NOT A WEIRDO. |
| 309 | WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT, THOUGH, YOU GUYS? |
| 310 | I REALLY APPRECIATE THAT |
| 311 | BUT I'M JUST GOING TO TAKE SEBASTIAN TO THE CHARITY. |
| 312 | ARE YOU SURE? |
| 313 | BECAUSE OUR GUY SMELLS INCREDIBLE. |
| 314 | WOULD YOU STOP IT WITH THAT ALREADY? |
| 315 | HERE YOU GO. |
| 316 | OH, THANK YOU. |
| 317 | SURE. |
| 318 | SO, SEBASTIAN |
| 319 | DO YOU DO ANY VOLUNTEER WORK? |
| 320 | UH, NO, NOT REALLY. WHY? |
| 321 | NO REASON; IT'S JUST I KNOW A SINGLE GUY |
| 322 | WHO DOES CARE ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE. |
| 323 | ARE YOU FUNNY? |
| 324 | EXCUSE ME? |
| 325 | WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING? |
| 326 | ARE YOU FUNNY? |
| 327 | TELL US A JOKE. |
| 328 | LOOK, I JUST WANTED TO HAVE COFFEE WITH RACHEL. |
| 329 | YEAH, WELL, SO DO A LOT OF PEOPLE. |
| 330 | ACTUALLY, UH, I GOT TO GET GOING. |
| 331 | OH... |
| 332 | GIVE ME A CALL SOMETIME. |
| 333 | YOU DIDN'T GIVE ME YOUR PHONE NUMBER. |
| 334 | OKAY, SEE YOU LATER. |
| 335 | TURNS OUT HE IS KIND OF FUNNY. |
| 336 | I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU GUYS. |
| 337 | HE WAS REALLY NICE |
| 338 | AND HE JUST LEFT BECAUSE OF YOU. |
| 339 | YEAH, BUT, SEBASTIAN? |
| 340 | WHAT IS THAT, A CAT'S NAME? |
| 341 | Phoebe: YEAH, YOU KNOW WHAT |
| 342 | I NOTICED, RACHEL? |
| 343 | HE SCARES EASY, YOU KNOW. |
| 344 | IS THAT THE KIND OF GUY YOU WANT TO TAKE TO A BALL? |
| 345 | "HEY, SEBASTIAN, WOULD YOU LIKE TO DANCE?" |
| 346 | "UH... OKAY, I GOT TO GO." |
| 347 | ALL RIGHT, GUYS, STOP IT. |
| 348 | RACHEL, WE'RE VERY SORRY. |
| 349 | THAT WAS A VERY INSENSITIVE THING FOR US TO DO |
| 350 | AND, YOU KNOW WHAT, LET US MAKE IT UP TO YOU. |
| 351 | WE HAVE TWO REALLY GREAT GUYS FOR YOU. |
| 352 | Phoebe: YEAH, WHAT HAVE YOU GOT TO LOSE? |
| 353 | YOU MIGHT EVEN END UP WITH SOMEONE REALLY SPECIAL |
| 354 | IF YOU PICK MINE. |
| 355 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 356 | OKAY, SO YOU WILL MEET OUR GUYS? |
| 357 | YES, I'LL MEET THEM. |
| 358 | IT DOESN'T MATTER WHICH ONE YOU CHOOSE. |
| 359 | IT'S COMPLETELY UP TO YOU. |
| 360 | OUR GUY IS PERFECT... |
| 361 | OR YOU COULD GO OUT WITH THE GUY |
| 362 | PHOEBE DEEMED NOT GOOD ENOUGH TO GO OUT WITH HERSELF. |
| 363 | PHOEBE, THERE YOU ARE. |
| 364 | OKAY, YOU BROKE MY FRIDGE. |
| 365 | YOU OWE ME 400 BUCKS. |
| 366 | OKAY, SURE. |
| 367 | REALLY? |
| 368 | YEAH, YEAH. |
| 369 | OOH, TECHNICALLY, YOU OWE ME $600 |
| 370 | FOR SENDING OUT HAPPY THOUGHTS ON YOUR LAST TEN AUDITIONS. |
| 371 | CALL IT EVEN? |
| 372 | OKAY. |
| 373 | WELL, THERE YOU ARE. |
| 374 | SO WHAT DID ELIZABETH SAY? |
| 375 | WELL, IT TURNS OUT SHE IS GOING TO DAYTONA FOR SPRING BREAK... |
| 376 | WHOO-HOO. |
| 377 | THAT MEANS WET T-SHIRT CONTESTS |
| 378 | GUYS DOING SHOTS OFF OF GIRLS' BODIES |
| 379 | WAKING UP NEXT TO PEOPLE YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW. |
| 380 | MAN, SHE IS GOING TO HAVE A GREAT TIME. |
| 381 | IS SHE STAYING AT THE HOTEL CORONA? |
| 382 | YOU KNOW THE HOTELS? |
| 383 | SURE. I WAS THERE. |
| 384 | SPRING BREAK '81. WHOO! |
| 385 | IN 1981, YOU WERE 13. |
| 386 | SO WHAT? |
| 387 | I DROVE DOWN, SOLD T-SHIRTS. |
| 388 | HAD A BLAST. |
| 389 | AND YOU KNOW WHO KNOWS HOW TO PARTY? |
| 390 | DRUNK COLLEGE CHICKS. |
| 391 | OKAY, SHE CAN'T GO. |
| 392 | ROSS, YOU CAN'T TELL HER NOT TO GO. |
| 393 | YOU JUST STARTED DATING. |
| 394 | WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO? |
| 395 | NOTHING. YOU JUST HAVE TO BE COOL WITH IT. |
| 396 | WELL, WHAT IF SHE GOES DOWN THERE |
| 397 | AND SLEEPS WITH A BUNCH OF GUYS? |
| 398 | WELL, MAYBE YOU DON'T MARRY THIS ONE. |
| 399 | I'M SO GLAD YOU'RE GOING ON THIS TRIP. |
| 400 | YEAH, I'VE BEEN WORKING SO HARD THIS SEMESTER. |
| 401 | I REALLY NEED TO GO CRAZY, YOU KNOW? |
| 402 | BLOW OFF SOME STEAM. |
| 403 | SURE, SURE. |
| 404 | LOOK, I DON'T KNOW |
| 405 | IF YOUR PLANS ARE FINALIZED YET, BUT... |
| 406 | HEY, I KNOW ANOTHER GREAT WAY TO BLOW OFF STEAM. |
| 407 | WHAT? |
| 408 | ARE YOU INTO CRAFTS AT ALL? |
| 409 | ROSS, ARE YOU OKAY? |
| 410 | YEAH, OF COURSE... I'M OKAY. |
| 411 | I'M JUST BEING... SUPPORTIVE. |
| 412 | SUPPORTIVE OF YOU AND THIS WHOLE TRIP, AND... |
| 413 | WHAT-WHAT IS... WHAT'S THIS? |
| 414 | IT'S A BATHING SUIT. |
| 415 | TO WEAR IN FRONT OF PEOPLE? |
| 416 | IS THAT SUPPORTIVE? |
| 417 | IS THIS? |
| 418 | HEY. |
| 419 | HEY. |
| 420 | WE'RE REALLY GLAD YOU DECIDED TO MEET OUR GUY. |
| 421 | YOU'RE GOING TO LIKE HIM SO MUCH. |
| 422 | WHEN DO YOU WANT TO MEET HIM? |
| 423 | I DON'T KNOW. |
| 424 | I DON'T WORK LATE TOMORROW NIGHT. |
| 425 | TOMORROW NIGHT IS GOOD. TOMORROW NIGHT IS GOOD. |
| 426 | BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 427 | WHY PUT OFF SOMETHING TILL TOMORROW |
| 428 | YOU COULD DO RIGHT NOW? |
| 429 | ELDAD, COME HERE. |
| 430 | ELDAD, THIS IS RACHEL. |
| 431 | HOW ARE YOU? |
| 432 | WELL, A LITTLE BLINDSIDED |
| 433 | BUT, YOU KNOW, GOOD. |
| 434 | ELDAD, SIT DOWN. |
| 435 | MOVE OVER. MOVE OVER NOW. |
| 436 | THERE YOU GO. THERE YOU ARE. |
| 437 | OKAY, OKAY, WE CAN TAKE A HINT. |
| 438 | WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? |
| 439 | THIS IS PATRICK. HI. |
| 440 | OKAY, YOU'RE TOO LATE, OKAY |
| 441 | BECAUSE SHE'S ALREADY WITH OUR GUY. |
| 442 | OH, MY GOD, YOU'RE RIGHT. |
| 443 | I AM TOO LATE. |
| 444 | THEY'RE SITTING ON THE COUCH AND TALKING. |
| 445 | COME ON. |
| 446 | RACHEL. |
| 447 | YEAH? |
| 448 | THIS IS PATRICK. |
| 449 | OH, HI. |
| 450 | THIS IS THE GUY I WAS TELLING YOU ABOUT. |
| 451 | AND BELIEVE ME, THIS SUIT DOES NOT DO JUSTICE |
| 452 | TO WHAT'S UNDERNEATH IT. |
| 453 | OKAY... |
| 454 | BUT, PHEEBS... |
| 455 | I'M JUST SORT OF IN THE MIDDLE OF SOMETHING. |
| 456 | OH, OKAY, YEAH, THAT'S OKAY. |
| 457 | HAVE A SEAT. |
| 458 | YOU CAN'T DO THAT. |
| 459 | MAYBE I SHOULD GO. |
| 460 | SIT DOWN. WE'RE WINNING. |
| 461 | OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT, MAYBE I SHOULD GO. |
| 462 | NO! NO! NO! NO! |
| 463 | YOU HAVE A SEAT. |
| 464 | RACHEL, RACHEL, YOU HAVEN'T TOUCHED |
| 465 | ELDAD'S HAIR. |
| 466 | IT IS THE SOFTEST HAIR. |
| 467 | I'M GOOD. |
| 468 | RACHEL, PATRICK IS REALLY RICH. |
| 469 | GIVE HER SOME MONEY. |
| 470 | WHAT? |
| 471 | UH... YOU KNOW WHAT, PHOEBE. |
| 472 | THIS ISN'T REALLY WORTH THE FREE MASSAGE. |
| 473 | THAT'S RIGHT, PATRICK. BYE-BYE. |
| 474 | ELDAD IS MUCH MORE COOPERATIVE |
| 475 | AND HE CAN DANCE. |
| 476 | YOU DANCE FOR RACHEL. |
| 477 | OH, MY GOD... |
| 478 | NO, NO, NO, DON'T DANCE FOR ME! |
| 479 | PLEASE, DON'T DANCE. |
| 480 | WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU GUYS? |
| 481 | YEAH, OKAY, LET'S TALK IT OUT. |
| 482 | AM I THE ONLY ONE THAT THIS IS EMBARRASSING FOR? |
| 483 | I'M EMBARRASSED. |
| 484 | SHH, SHH, SHH. |
| 485 | I'LL TELL YOU |
| 486 | WHO SHOULD BE EMBARRASSED-- IT'S YOU GUYS. |
| 487 | COME ON, THIS IS RIDICULOUS. |
| 488 | THANK YOU, BUT I DO NOT NEED YOU TO GET ME A DATE. |
| 489 | THEN WHY DID SHE ASK US...? |
| 490 | I AM STILL TALKING! |
| 491 | AND THEN YOU CHASE AWAY THE ONE GUY |
| 492 | THAT I ACTUALLY LIKED. |
| 493 | I MEAN, NO OFFENSE TO YOU GUYS, REALLY. |
| 494 | I MEAN, CONGRATULATIONS ON... ALL THE CASH. |
| 495 | AND... AND... YOU KNOW, YOU REALLY |
| 496 | WOW, YOU DO HAVE VERY SOFT HAIR. |
| 497 | BUT I WOULD MUCH RATHER GO TO THE BALL ALL BY MYSELF |
| 498 | THAN GO THROUGH ANY MORE OF THIS. |
| 499 | GOOD-BYE. |
| 500 | NOW, DO YOU USE SOME SORT |
| 501 | OF SPECIAL CONDITIONER ON THAT HAIR? |
| 502 | YES, PAPAYA EXTRACT. |
| 503 | THANK YOU. |
| 504 | SO, UH, HAVE A GREAT TIME DOWN THERE. |
| 505 | I WILL. |
| 506 | DID YOU PACK THAT BATHING SUIT? |
| 507 | YEAH. |
| 508 | IT WAS PRETTY FUNNY WHEN I HID IT FOR A WHILE, HUH? |
| 509 | ANYWAY, UM... |
| 510 | I AM WORRIED ABOUT THAT BATHING SUIT. |
| 511 | NOT BECAUSE IT'S REVEALING |
| 512 | WHICH I'M FINE WITH. |
| 513 | NO, I'M CONCERNED ABOUT YOUR HEALTH... |
| 514 | UM, SUN EXPOSURE. |
| 515 | OH, DON'T WORRY. |
| 516 | I HAVE PLENTY OF SUNBLOCK. |
| 517 | IT'S SPF-30. |
| 518 | WELL, IF WHAT'S IN THE BOTTLE |
| 519 | IS ACTUALLY 30. |
| 520 | I MEAN, SOMETIMES YOU GET 30 |
| 521 | SOMETIMES IT'S FOUR. |
| 522 | AND I SWEAR TO GOD |
| 523 | MORE OFTEN THAN NOT, IT'S JUST MILK. |
| 524 | ROSS, IT'S GOING TO BE OKAY. |
| 525 | I'M NOT GOING DOWN THERE |
| 526 | TO HOOK UP WITH A BUNCH OF GUYS. |
| 527 | I REALLY LIKE YOU. |
| 528 | I LIKE HOW THINGS ARE GOING BETWEEN US. |
| 529 | REALLY? |
| 530 | YEAH. I'M JUST GOING DOWN THERE TO RELAX |
| 531 | AND HANG OUT WITH MY FRIENDS. |
| 532 | OKAY. COOL. |
| 533 | OH, HEY, HERE THEY ARE. |
| 534 | HEY, ELIZABETH! |
| 535 | ( excited shouting ) |
| 536 | CALL ME. |
| 537 | RACHEL, WE'RE SORRY FOR PUSHING |
| 538 | THOSE GUYS ON YOU. |
| 539 | OH, THAT'S ALL RIGHT. |
| 540 | I ENDED UP HAVING A REALLY GOOD TIME. |
| 541 | THE CHARITY WAS A BIG SUCCESS |
| 542 | AND THEY RAISED A LOT OF MONEY AND AWARENESS. |
| 543 | SO WHAT WAS IT FOR, ANYWAY? |
| 544 | I WANT TO SAY A DISEASE. |
| 545 | HEY. |
| 546 | I GOT THIS REALLY WEIRD MESSAGE FROM ROSS. |
| 547 | HE SAID TURN ON MTV. |
| 548 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 549 | OH, MY GOD! LOOK! |
| 550 | THAT'S ELIZABETH! |
| 551 | OH, OH, PROFESSOR GELLER. |
| 552 | AH, TO BE 13 AGAIN. |
| 553 | [Captioned by The Caption Center WGBH Educational Foundation] |
| 554 | |
| 1 | WE'VE GOT THREE MINUTES TILL THE REACTOR BLOWS. |
| 2 | WE'RE NEVER GOING TO MAKE IT. |
| 3 | YOU'VE GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE! |
| 4 | SAVE YOURSELF. |
| 5 | NO, I WON'T LEAVE YOU. |
| 6 | DON'T WORRY ABOUT ME. |
| 7 | I'M A ROBOT. |
| 8 | I'M JUST A MACHINE! |
| 9 | NO, YOU'RE NOT. |
| 10 | NOT TO ME. |
| 11 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 12 | WHAT? |
| 13 | I AM EXTREMELY TALENTED. |
| 14 | YEAH, YEAH, YOU'RE GREAT. |
| 15 | OKAY, LET'S TAKE IT FROM... |
| 16 | NO, I MEAN I WAS REALLY ACTING MY ASS OFF. |
| 17 | WELL, I THOUGHT I WAS PRETTY GOOD, TOO. |
| 18 | OH, YEAH, YOU'RE SOLID. |
| 19 | YOU'RE JUST NO... ME. |
| 20 | YOU KNOW WHAT? I THINK THAT'S ENOUGH FOR NOW. |
| 21 | I DON'T WANT TO BE OVER-REHEARSED. |
| 22 | FINE! I'LL DO IT WITHOUT YOU! |
| 23 | I DON'T NEED YOU OR ANYBODY ELSE! |
| 24 | I'M GOING TO MAKE IT ON MY OWN! |
| 25 | YOU'LL SEE! |
| 26 | YOU'LL ALL SEE! |
| 27 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 28 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 29 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 30 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 31 | ♪ WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY, YOUR WEEK ♪ |
| 32 | ♪ YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 33 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 34 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME, TOO. ♪ |
| 35 | SO, WHAT'S THIS THING YOU'RE AUDITIONING FOR? |
| 36 | OH, IT'S A NEW TV SHOW. |
| 37 | I'M UP FOR THE PART OF MAC MACKAVELLI... |
| 38 | OR "MAC." |
| 39 | REALLY? |
| 40 | YEAH. |
| 41 | I'M A DETECTIVE AND I SOLVE CRIMES |
| 42 | WITH THE HELP OF MY ROBOT PARTNER. |
| 43 | HE'S A COMPUTERIZED HUMANOID |
| 44 | ELECTRONICALLY ENHANCED SECRET ENFORCER. |
| 45 | OR "CHEESE." |
| 46 | SO, MAC AND CHEESE. |
| 47 | THAT'S THE TITLE. |
| 48 | YEAH. |
| 49 | YOU KNOW, THEY REALLY LUCKED OUT |
| 50 | THAT THE INITIALS SPELL "CHEESE." |
| 51 | THAT IS LUCKY. |
| 52 | HUH. |
| 53 | SO, JOEY, IF YOU GET THIS |
| 54 | YOU'RE GOING TO BE, LIKE, THE STAR OF YOUR OWN TV SHOW. |
| 55 | I MEAN, YOU'LL BE LIKE THE BIG CHEESE. |
| 56 | OR THE BIG MAC. |
| 57 | HEY, YOU LOVE THOSE. |
| 58 | WELL, DON'T GET YOUR HOPES UP |
| 59 | BECAUSE IT'S PROBABLY NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. |
| 60 | NOW, NOW, WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT, JOSEPH? |
| 61 | COME ON, YOU GUYS. |
| 62 | MY OWN TV SHOW? |
| 63 | I JUST... I DON'T KNOW IF I'M GOOD ENOUGH. |
| 64 | I AM. |
| 65 | Rachel: WELL, JOEY |
| 66 | WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? |
| 67 | YOU'RE A TERRIFIC ACTOR. |
| 68 | YOU REALLY THINK SO? |
| 69 | HOW CAN YOU EVEN ASK THAT QUESTION? |
| 70 | WHOA, SHE'S PRETTY. |
| 71 | YEAH. |
| 72 | OH, AND SHE'S REALLY NICE, TOO. |
| 73 | SHE TAUGHT ME ALL ABOUT, YOU KNOW |
| 74 | HOW TO WORK WITH THE CAMERAS |
| 75 | AND "SMELL THE FART" ACTING. |
| 76 | HUH. |
| 77 | I'M SORRY... |
| 78 | WHAT? EXCUSE ME? |
| 79 | IT'S LIKE, YOU GOT SO MANY LINES |
| 80 | TO LEARN SO FAST |
| 81 | THAT SOMETIMES YOU NEED A MINUTE |
| 82 | TO REMEMBER YOUR NEXT ONE. |
| 83 | SO, WHILE YOU'RE THINKING OF IT |
| 84 | YOU TAKE THIS BIG PAUSE, WHERE YOU LOOK ALL INTENSE |
| 85 | YOU KNOW, LIKE THIS. |
| 86 | OKAY. MMM. OH. |
| 87 | ( rattling ) |
| 88 | OH, HERE'S MY SCENE! HERE'S MY SCENE! |
| 89 | Mrs. Wallace? |
| 90 | I'm Dr. Drake Ramoray |
| 91 | your sister's neurosurgeon. |
| 92 | Your sister is suffering from a... |
| 93 | ( with heavy accent ): YEAH, EVA... |
| 94 | WE'VE DONE SOME EXCELLENT WORK HERE |
| 95 | AND I WOULD HAVE TO SAY |
| 96 | YOUR PROBLEM IS QUITE CLEAR. |
| 97 | ( piano plays ) |
| 98 | ♪ ALL YOU WANT IS A DINKLE ♪ |
| 99 | ♪ WHAT YOU ENVY IS A SCHWANG ♪ |
| 100 | ♪ WHAT THING THROUGH WHICH YOU CAN TINKLE ♪ |
| 101 | ♪ OR PLAY WITH OR SIMPLY LET HANG. ♪ |
| 102 | I PLAY AL PACINO'S BUTT. |
| 103 | ALL RIGHT? |
| 104 | HE GOES INTO THE SHOWER AND THEN I'M HIS BUTT. |
| 105 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 106 | COME ON, YOU GUYS. |
| 107 | THIS IS A REAL MOVIE, AND AL PACINO'S IN IT |
| 108 | AND THAT'S BIG. |
| 109 | OH, NO, IT'S TERRIFIC. |
| 110 | YOU DESERVE THIS. |
| 111 | AFTER ALL YOUR YEARS |
| 112 | OF STRUGGLING, YOU'VE FINALLY BEEN ABLE TO CRACK |
| 113 | YOUR WAY INTO SHOW BUSINESS. |
| 114 | OKAY, FINE. MAKE JOKES. |
| 115 | I DON'T CARE. |
| 116 | THIS IS A BIG BREAK FOR ME. |
| 117 | YOU'RE RIGHT. IT IS. |
| 118 | SO, YOU GOING TO INVITE US ALL TO THE BIG OPENING? |
| 119 | ALL RIGHT, WELL, I'M OUT OF HERE. |
| 120 | WISH ME LUCK. |
| 121 | ♪ GOOD LUCK, GOOD LUCK ♪ |
| 122 | ♪ WE ALL WISH YOU GOOD LUCK. ♪ |
| 123 | YEAH, WHATEVER. |
| 124 | IT'S YOUR TURN. |
| 125 | OH, ARE WE PLAYING THIS? |
| 126 | HEY. |
| 127 | HEY. HOW'D THE AUDITION GO? |
| 128 | TERRIBLE. |
| 129 | I MESSED UP EVERY LINE. |
| 130 | I SHOULDN'T EVEN BE AN ACTOR. |
| 131 | WAIT A MINUTE. |
| 132 | ARE YOU DOING THAT THING |
| 133 | WHERE YOU PRETEND IT DIDN'T GO WELL |
| 134 | BUT IT REALLY DID GO WELL? |
| 135 | YEAH. DID I FOOL YOU? |
| 136 | TOTALLY. |
| 137 | SO IT DID GO WELL. |
| 138 | IT WENT AMAZINGLY WELL. |
| 139 | THAT'S GREAT. GREAT. |
| 140 | YEAH. IT'S DOWN TO ME AND TWO OTHER GUYS. |
| 141 | I KNOW BOTH OF THEM AND THEY'RE REALLY GOOD. |
| 142 | ONE OF THEM IS THE GUY FROM THOSE ALLERGY COMMERCIALS |
| 143 | WHO'S ALWAYS GETTING CHASED BY THOSE BIG FLOWERS. |
| 144 | OH, I LOVE THAT GUY. |
| 145 | WHAT ARE YOU DOING? |
| 146 | WHAT AM I DOING? |
| 147 | I'M SO NERVOUS, YOU KNOW. |
| 148 | THE CALLBACK ISN'T UNTIL TOMORROW AT 5:00. |
| 149 | I FEEL LIKE MY HEAD'S GOING TO EXPLODE. |
| 150 | WELL, IT IS OVERDUE. |
| 151 | LOOK, DON'T WORRY, OKAY? |
| 152 | YOU'RE GOING TO BE FINE. |
| 153 | THERE'S JUST SO MUCH PRESSURE. |
| 154 | NO OFFENSE, BUT WHAT YOU GUYS ALL DO IS VERY DIFFERENT. |
| 155 | I DON'T KNOW IF YOU'D UNDERSTAND. |
| 156 | YEAH, NONE OF THE REST OF US |
| 157 | HAVE TO DEAL WITH PRESSURE AT OUR JOBS. |
| 158 | YES, FRAN, I KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS |
| 159 | BUT I'M LOOKING AT THE WEENUS AND I'M NOT HAPPY. |
| 160 | WELL, I'M TEARING THE LETTUCE. |
| 161 | UH-HUH. IS IT DIRTY? |
| 162 | NO, DON'T WORRY, I'M GOING TO WASH IT. |
| 163 | DON'T. I LIKE IT DIRTY. |
| 164 | THAT'S YOUR CALL. |
| 165 | SO, UH... WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO NEXT? |
| 166 | WELL, I THOUGHT THAT I WOULD CUT UP THE TOMATOES. |
| 167 | ARE THEY, UH, FIRM? |
| 168 | THEY'RE ALL RIGHT. |
| 169 | YOU SURE THEY HAVEN'T GONE BAD? |
| 170 | YOU SURE THEY'RE NOT VERY, VERY BAD? |
| 171 | NO, REALLY, THEY'RE OKAY. |
| 172 | YOU GOING TO SLICE THEM UP REAL NICE? |
| 173 | ACTUALLY, I WAS GOING TO DO THEM JULIENNE. |
| 174 | ( moaning ) |
| 175 | I'M OUT OF HERE. |
| 176 | MONICA, I'M QUITTING. |
| 177 | I JUST HELPED AN 81-YEAR-OLD WOMAN PUT ON A THONG |
| 178 | AND SHE DIDN'T EVEN BUY IT. |
| 179 | I'M TELLING YOU, I'M QUITTING. |
| 180 | THAT'S IT. I'M TALKING TO MY BOSS RIGHT NOW. |
| 181 | YES, I AM. |
| 182 | YES, I AM. YES, I AM. |
| 183 | YES, I AM. YES, I AM. YES, I AM. |
| 184 | OKAY, BYE. CALL ME WHEN YOU GET THIS MESSAGE. |
| 185 | WHAT HAPPENED? |
| 186 | WELL, HE CAME IN FOR A MASSAGE... |
| 187 | AND EVERYTHING WAS FINE UNTIL... |
| 188 | OH... OH... OH, MY GOD. |
| 189 | AND ALL OF A SUDDEN, HIS HANDS WEREN'T THE PROBLEM ANYMORE. |
| 190 | WAS IT... |
| 191 | OH, BOY SCOUTS COULD HAVE CAMPED UNDER THERE. |
| 192 | YOU ATE MY SANDWICH? |
| 193 | IT WAS A SIMPLE MISTAKE. |
| 194 | IT COULD HAPPEN TO ANYONE. |
| 195 | OH, REAL-REALLY? |
| 196 | NOW, NOW, CALM DOWN. |
| 197 | COME LOOK IN MY OFFICE. |
| 198 | SOME OF IT MAY STILL BE IN THE TRASH. |
| 199 | WHAT? |
| 200 | WELL, IT WAS QUITE LARGE. |
| 201 | I HAD TO THROW MOST OF IT AWAY. |
| 202 | YOU... YOU... YOU... |
| 203 | YOU THREW MY SANDWICH AWAY? |
| 204 | MY SANDWICH?! |
| 205 | ( voice echoing ): MY SANDWICH?! |
| 206 | I WANT THIS PART SO MUCH, YOU KNOW. |
| 207 | IF I DON'T GET THIS PART |
| 208 | I'M NEVER GOING TO EAT MACARONI AND CHEESE AGAIN. |
| 209 | NO, I DIDN'T SAY THAT. THAT DOESN'T COUNT. |
| 210 | OH, COME ON, GUYS, IT'S NOT LIKE I MOVED TO EUROPE. |
| 211 | I JUST MOVED ACROSS THE HALL. |
| 212 | AND WE WOULD HAVE YOU OVER ALL THE TIME |
| 213 | IF IT WEREN'T FOR MONICA'S ALLERGIES. |
| 214 | ( quacks ) |
| 215 | YOU'RE RIGHT. |
| 216 | I COULD NEVER LIE TO YOU. |
| 217 | SHE HATES YOU. |
| 218 | ( phone ringing ) |
| 219 | SHOULD I GET THAT? |
| 220 | HELLO. |
| 221 | UH, NO, JOEY'S NOT HERE RIGHT NOW. |
| 222 | CAN I TAKE A MESSAGE? |
| 223 | YEAH, OKAY, SO THE AUDITION'S BEEN MOVED FROM 5:00 TO 2:30. |
| 224 | OKAY, GREAT. BYE. |
| 225 | ( gasps ) |
| 226 | AREN'T YOU DRESSED YET? |
| 227 | AM I NAKED AGAIN? |
| 228 | WE'RE SUPPOSED TO MEET MY PARENTS IN 15 MINUTES. |
| 229 | YEAH, OKAY, I WAS JUST TALKING TO THE GUYS. |
| 230 | LOOK AT THEM. |
| 231 | I MEAN, IS IT OKAY IF THEY COME VISIT? |
| 232 | WHAT ABOUT MY ALLERGIES? |
| 233 | OH, RIGHT. |
| 234 | YOUR ALLERGIES. |
| 235 | ALL HER. SHE HATES YOU. |
| 236 | OH, OH, OH, OH, OH, OH. |
| 237 | YES! HA-HA-HA! |
| 238 | HEY, HOW COOL WOULD IT BE |
| 239 | IF YOU COULD WATCH, LIKE, A REAL LIFE-SIZED VERSION OF THIS, HUH? |
| 240 | I MEAN, HOW CRAZY WOULD THAT BE? |
| 241 | AS CRAZY AS SOCCER? |
| 242 | ( phone ringing ) |
| 243 | HELLO. |
| 244 | WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? |
| 245 | THE AUDITION'S NOT TILL 5:00. |
| 246 | WELL, NOBODY TOLD ME. |
| 247 | WHO'D YOU TALK TO? |
| 248 | NEVER MIND. |
| 249 | YOU MEAN, YOU DIDN'T GET IT FROM THIS? |
| 250 | THE ALLERGY GUY GOT THE PART. THANKS. |
| 251 | WELL, MAYBE WE CAN FIX IT, YOU KNOW. |
| 252 | MAYBE WE CAN SEND HIM SOME, SOME BIG, BIG FLOWERS AND SCARE HIM. |
| 253 | HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME, CHANDLER? |
| 254 | THIS PART COULD HAVE TURNED MY WHOLE CAREER AROUND. |
| 255 | I MESSED UP, OKAY? |
| 256 | I'M SORRY. I REALLY MESSED UP. |
| 257 | YOU DON'T EVEN LIVE HERE ANYMORE. |
| 258 | WHY ANSWER MY PHONE? I HAVE A MACHINE. |
| 259 | WHICH I BOUGHT FOR YOU. |
| 260 | TAUGHT YOU HOW TO USE IT. |
| 261 | YOU THOUGHT IT WAS A COPIER. |
| 262 | LOOK, IF THERE WAS ANYTHING I COULD DO, I WOULD DO IT, OKAY? |
| 263 | BUT EVERYBODY'S ALLOWED ONE MISTAKE, RIGHT? |
| 264 | YOU KNOW, HE COULD HAVE GOT ME A VCR |
| 265 | OR A SET OF GOLF CLUBS. |
| 266 | BUT, NO, HE HAS TO GET ME THE WOMAN REPELLER. |
| 267 | THE EYESORE FROM THE LIBERACE HOUSE OF CRAP! |
| 268 | NOT THAT BAD. |
| 269 | OH, YEAH, EASY FOR YOU TO DAY. |
| 270 | YOU DON'T HAVE TO WALK AROUND |
| 271 | SPOTTING SOME REJECT FROM THE MR. T COLLECTION. |
| 272 | CHANDLER, CHANDLER... |
| 273 | I PITY THE FOOL WHO PUTS ON MY JEWELRY. |
| 274 | I DO! I DO! I PITY THE FOOL |
| 275 | IF I... |
| 276 | WHEN YOU WERE LATE LAST NIGHT, KATHY AND I GOT TO TALKING |
| 277 | AND... ONE THING LED TO ANOTHER, AND... |
| 278 | AND WHAT? |
| 279 | DID YOU SLEEP WITH HER? |
| 280 | NO, NO, NO. I JUST KISSED HER. |
| 281 | WHAT?! THAT'S EVEN WORSE! |
| 282 | HOW IS THAT WORSE? |
| 283 | I DON'T KNOW, BUT IT'S THE SAME. |
| 284 | YOU'RE RIGHT. I HAVE NO EXCUSES. |
| 285 | I WAS TOTALLY OVER THE LINE. |
| 286 | OVER THE LINE? |
| 287 | YOU'RE SO FAR PAST THE LINE |
| 288 | THAT YOU CAN'T EVEN SEE THE LINE. |
| 289 | THE LINE IS A DOT TO YOU. |
| 290 | LOOK, I'M NOT SAYING |
| 291 | YOU SHOULD MAGICALLY FORGIVE ME |
| 292 | BUT YOU'RE NOT PERFECT. |
| 293 | YOU'VE MADE SOME ERRORS IN JUDGMENT, TOO. |
| 294 | NAME ONE. |
| 295 | WHAT HAPPENED? |
| 296 | OH, MAN! HE PROMISED HE WOULDN'T TAKE THE CHAIRS. |
| 297 | WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED? |
| 298 | HOW WERE YOU LOCKED IN |
| 299 | AND WHERE THE HELL'S ALL OF OUR STUFF? |
| 300 | WELL, THIS GUY CAME BY TO LOOK AT THE UNIT |
| 301 | AND HE SAID HE DIDN'T THINK |
| 302 | IT WAS BIG ENOUGH TO FIT A GROWN MAN. |
| 303 | SO... YOU GOT IN VOLUNTARILY? |
| 304 | I WAS TRYING TO MAKE A SALE. |
| 305 | OH, MAN. IF I EVER RUN INTO THAT GUY AGAIN |
| 306 | YOU KNOW WHAT I'M GOING TO DO? |
| 307 | BEND OVER? |
| 308 | THERE'S LORRAINE. |
| 309 | OKAY, NOW, REMEMBER-- |
| 310 | NO TRADING. |
| 311 | YOU GET THE PRETTY ONE, I GET THE MESS. |
| 312 | HI, JOEY. |
| 313 | HEY. |
| 314 | WELL, WELL, LOOK WHAT YOU BROUGHT. |
| 315 | AND WHAT DID YOU BRING? |
| 316 | SHE'S CHECKING HER COAT. |
| 317 | JOEY, I'M GOING TO GO WASH THE CAB SMELL OFF MY HANDS. |
| 318 | WILL YOU GET ME A WHITE ZINFANDEL |
| 319 | AND A GLASS OF RED FOR JANICE. |
| 320 | JANICE? |
| 321 | JANICE? |
| 322 | OH... MY... GOD. |
| 323 | JOEY'S TAILOR... |
| 324 | TOOK ADVANTAGE OF ME. |
| 325 | WHAT? |
| 326 | NO WAY. |
| 327 | I'VE BEEN GOING TO THE GUY FOR 12 YEARS. |
| 328 | OH, COME ON. HE SAID HE WAS GOING TO DO MY INSEAM. |
| 329 | THEN HE RAN HIS HAND UP MY LEG |
| 330 | AND THEN, THERE WAS DEFINITE... |
| 331 | WHAT? |
| 332 | CUPPING. |
| 333 | THAT'S HOW THEY DO PANTS. |
| 334 | ROSS, WILL YOU TELL HIM? |
| 335 | ISN'T THAT HOW A TAILOR MEASURES PANTS? |
| 336 | YES, YES, IT IS-- IN PRISON! |
| 337 | I SAID, "NAME ONE." |
| 338 | ( door shuts ) |
| 339 | I CAN'T BELIEVE I DID THIS. |
| 340 | WHAT AN IDIOT. |
| 341 | OH, STOP BEATING YOURSELF UP. |
| 342 | PEOPLE MAKE MISTAKES. |
| 343 | THESE THINGS HAPPEN. |
| 344 | THERE AREN'T ANY MESSAGES |
| 345 | THAT YOU'VE FORGOTTEN TO GIVE ME, ARE THERE? |
| 346 | WELL, APPARENTLY, YOU'RE NOT VERY GOOD AT IT. |
| 347 | DO YOU THINK HE'LL EVER FORGIVE ME? |
| 348 | OF COURSE HE WILL, BUT, CHANDLER |
| 349 | THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IS THAT YOU FORGIVE YOURSELF. |
| 350 | YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 351 | I KIND OF HAVE. |
| 352 | ALREADY? |
| 353 | THAT WAS PRETTY BAD, WHAT YOU DID. |
| 354 | OH, YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 355 | HE WILL FORGIVE YOU |
| 356 | AND I LIKE TO BRING A PAD WITH ME |
| 357 | WHEN I GO ANSWER THE PHONE, JUST IN CASE. |
| 358 | OKAY. |
| 359 | YOU DIDN'T SEE HOW MAD HE WAS, YOU KNOW? |
| 360 | I'M SURE HE WILL FORGIVE YOU. |
| 361 | LOOK, WE'VE ALL BEEN THERE. |
| 362 | YOU KNOW, YOU FIGHT; YOU MAKE UP-- |
| 363 | THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT WORKS. |
| 364 | IT TOOK TWO PEOPLE |
| 365 | TO BREAK UP THIS RELATIONSHIP. |
| 366 | YEAH, YOU AND THAT GIRL FROM THE COPY PLACE |
| 367 | WHICH, YESTERDAY, YOU TOOK FULL RESPONSIBILITY FOR. |
| 368 | I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT I WAS |
| 369 | TAKING RESPONSIBILITY FOR, OKAY? |
| 370 | I DIDN'T FINISH THE WHOLE LETTER. |
| 371 | WHAT? |
| 372 | I FELL ASLEEP. |
| 373 | YOU FELL ASLEEP? |
| 374 | IT WAS 5:30 IN THE MORNING |
| 375 | AND YOU HAD RAMBLED ON FOR 18 PAGES. |
| 376 | FRONT AND BACK! |
| 377 | ( groans ) |
| 378 | OH-OH-OH, AND BY THE WAY |
| 379 | Y-O-U APOSTROPHE R-E |
| 380 | MEANS "YOU ARE." |
| 381 | Y-O-U-R MEANS "YOUR." |
| 382 | HA! YOU KNOW, I CAN'T BELIEVE |
| 383 | I EVEN THOUGHT OF GETTING BACK TOGETHER WITH YOU. |
| 384 | WE ARE SO OVER. |
| 385 | ( choked up ): OH... OH... OH... |
| 386 | FINE BY ME! |
| 387 | AND HEY, JUST SO YOU KNOW... |
| 388 | IT'S NOT THAT COMMON |
| 389 | IT DOESN'T HAPPEN TO EVERY GUY |
| 390 | AND IT IS A BIG DEAL! |
| 391 | I KNEW IT! |
| 392 | YOU HAD NO RIGHT TO GO OUT WITH HIM. |
| 393 | THAT IS THE MOST RIDICULOUS... |
| 394 | YOU SOLD ME OUT! |
| 395 | I DID NOT! |
| 396 | YES, YOU DID! |
| 397 | WOULD YOU LET ME TALK?! |
| 398 | DID YOU JUST FLICK ME? |
| 399 | OKAY, WELL, YOU WOULDN'T LET ME FINISH |
| 400 | AND I WAS JUST... |
| 401 | OW! THAT HURT! OW! |
| 402 | OH! ALL RIGHT. OKAY. |
| 403 | LET'S NOT DO THIS! LET'S NOT DO THIS! |
| 404 | ( shrieking ) |
| 405 | HAPPY THOUGHTS! |
| 406 | HAPPY THOUGHTS! |
| 407 | NO! NO! |
| 408 | Rachel: STOP IT! |
| 409 | OH! OH! |
| 410 | NOW I'M GOING TO KICK SOME ASS! |
| 411 | OW! |
| 412 | OW! |
| 413 | OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! |
| 414 | OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! |
| 415 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 416 | NOW, I WILL LET GO IF YOU BOTH STOP. |
| 417 | FINE. |
| 418 | FINE. |
| 419 | THERE WE GO. |
| 420 | YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 421 | IF WE WERE IN PRISON |
| 422 | YOU GUYS WOULD BE, LIKE, MY BITCHES. |
| 423 | OKAY, BUDDY BOY, HERE IT IS. |
| 424 | YOU HIDE MY CLOTHES, I'M WEARING EVERYTHING YOU OWN. |
| 425 | OH, MY GOD! |
| 426 | LOOK AT ME! |
| 427 | I'M CHANDLER! |
| 428 | COULD I BE WEARING |
| 429 | ANY MORE CLOTHES? |
| 430 | MAYBE IF I WASN'T GOING COMMANDO... |
| 431 | ( choked groaning ) |
| 432 | WHOO! I TELL YOU, IT'S HOT WITH ALL THIS STUFF ON. |
| 433 | I... I BETTER NOT DO ANY, I DON'T KNOW, LUNGES. |
| 434 | ♪ LIVIN' ALONE ♪ |
| 435 | ♪ I THINK OF ALL THE FRIENDS I'VE KNOWN ♪ |
| 436 | ♪ BUT WHEN I DIAL THE TELEPHONE ♪ |
| 437 | ♪ NOBODY'S HOME ♪ |
| 438 | ♪ ALL BY MYSELF ♪ |
| 439 | ♪ DON'T WANNA LIVE ♪ |
| 440 | ♪ ALL BY MYSELF ♪ |
| 441 | ♪ ANYMORE ♪ |
| 442 | ♪ ALL BY MYSELF... ♪ |
| 443 | JOEY... |
| 444 | GOT YOU THE JOEY SPECIAL-- |
| 445 | TWO PIZZAS. |
| 446 | JOE? |
| 447 | ( phone ringing ) |
| 448 | HELLO. |
| 449 | DAMN IT! |
| 450 | HELLO. |
| 451 | NO, JOEY'S NOT HERE RIGHT NOW |
| 452 | BUT I CAN TAKE A MESSAGE... I THINK. |
| 453 | HE'S STILL GOT A CHANCE FOR THE PART? |
| 454 | OH, THAT'S GREAT NEWS! |
| 455 | WELL, NO, OBVIOUSLY NOT FOR THE ACTOR |
| 456 | WHO WAS MAULED BY HIS DOG. |
| 457 | OH, WELL, THAT'S GREAT. |
| 458 | I WILL GIVE JOEY THE MESSAGE. |
| 459 | THANK YOU. |
| 460 | YES! |
| 461 | OKAY... MAC AUDITION |
| 462 | AT 2:00... |
| 463 | ALLERGY ACTOR ATTACKED... |
| 464 | BY DOG |
| 465 | NOT FLOWERS. |
| 466 | OKAY. |
| 467 | HEY. |
| 468 | PLEASE TELL ME YOU GOT THE MESSAGE. |
| 469 | WHAT MESSAGE? |
| 470 | THE ACTOR PLAYING MAC COULDN'T DO IT. |
| 471 | THEY NEEDED TO SEE YOU AT 2:00. |
| 472 | WHAT? |
| 473 | IT'S 6:00. |
| 474 | ( stammering ): I WROTE IT ON THE BOARD! |
| 475 | I WROTE IT ON THE BOARD |
| 476 | AND THEN I WENT ALL OVER NEW YORK CITY |
| 477 | LOOKING FOR YOU. |
| 478 | I WENT TO ROSS'S. |
| 479 | I WENT TO THE COFFEEHOUSE. |
| 480 | I WENT TO ANYPLACE THAT THEY MAKE SANDWICHES. |
| 481 | I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS, CHANDLER. |
| 482 | I'M SORRY. |
| 483 | I-I-I-I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY. |
| 484 | WELL, Y-YOU MIGHT SAY... |
| 485 | "CONGRATULATIONS." |
| 486 | I SAW THE BOARD. |
| 487 | I WENT TO THE AUDITION. |
| 488 | I GOT THE PART! |
| 489 | IS THAT SUPPOSED TO BE FUNNY? |
| 490 | I WAS REALLY WORRIED OVER HERE. |
| 491 | OH, WELL, I'M SORRY. |
| 492 | SOMETIMES THAT FAKE- OUT THING IS MEAN. |
| 493 | OH, WOW, OKAY, MAN, I'M SORRY. |
| 494 | I DID NOT MEAN TO MAKE YOU FEEL BAD. |
| 495 | WELL, THAT'S GOOD... |
| 496 | BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T... |
| 497 | AND I'M INCREDIBLY HAPPY FOR YOU. |
| 498 | THAT'S MEAN! |
| 499 | YOU REALLY |
| 500 | HAD ME GOING THERE. |
| 501 | OH, WE COULD DO THIS ALL DAY. |
| 502 | YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT. |
| 503 | OKAY, LOOK, LET'S TALK |
| 504 | ABOUT WHAT A HUGE STAR I'M GOING TO BE. |
| 505 | YOU ARE GOING TO BE A HUGE STAR. |
| 506 | I'M GOING TO HUG YOU. |
| 507 | YOU HUG ME. |
| 508 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 509 | HEY, DO WE DO THIS TOO MUCH? |
| 510 | I THINK SO. |
| 511 | YEAH, GET OFF ME. YEAH. |
| 512 | "COME ON, CHEESE. |
| 513 | "I'M NOT LEAVING WITHOUT YOU. |
| 514 | "TRY ROUTING YOUR BACKUP POWER SOURCE |
| 515 | THROUGH YOUR PRIMARY C.P.U." |
| 516 | "I CAN'T. |
| 517 | "MY CIRCUITS ARE FRIED. |
| 518 | THEY'RE FRIED, I TELL YOU!" |
| 519 | WOW. |
| 520 | "WELL, THEN, I'LL JUST HAVE TO CARRY YOU." |
| 521 | "THAT'LL BE A NEAT TRICK, WHEN YOU'RE... |
| 522 | WHEN YOU'RE DEAD!" |
| 523 | ROSS, YOU DON'T HAVE TO YELL. |
| 524 | THERE WAS JUST AN EXPLOSION, OKAY? |
| 525 | MY HEARING WOULD BE IMPAIRED. |
| 526 | I THOUGHT YOU WERE EXCELLENT. |
| 527 | IN FACT, FOR A MINUTE THERE |
| 528 | I WAS, LIKE, "OOH, WHERE'D ROSS GO?" |
| 529 | THANK YOU |
| 530 | AND I HAVE TO SAY, THAT FIRST SCENE |
| 531 | WHERE YOU MEET MAC... |
| 532 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 533 | I MEAN... |
| 534 | OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 535 | I THINK THAT'S ENOUGH FOR TODAY. |
| 536 | THANKS FOR YOUR HELP. |
| 537 | [Captioned by The Caption Center WGBH Educational Foundation] |
| 538 | HOLDING US BACK. |
| 539 | TOTALLY. |
| 540 | |
| 1 | OKAY, CHANDLER. OKAY. |
| 2 | AND YOUR HOROSCOPE SAYS |
| 3 | "ON THE FIFTH, A SPECIAL SOMEONE |
| 4 | IS GOING TO GIVE YOU A GIFT." |
| 5 | OH, WELL, THANK YOU IN ADVANCE. |
| 6 | OH, BUT THE 12th BRINGS A LOVERS' SPAT. |
| 7 | YOU'RE GOING TO MAKE A JOKE ABOUT MY SPECIAL PRESENT. |
| 8 | WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT? |
| 9 | OH, WAIT, AND ON THE 19th |
| 10 | "A SECRET CRUSH ANNOUNCES ITSELF." |
| 11 | HEY, GUYS. HEY! |
| 12 | OH, MY GOD, IT'S JOEY TRIBBIANI |
| 13 | OF MAC AND C.H.E.E.S.E.! |
| 14 | OH, THAT'S RIGHT. IT'S YOUR FIRST DAY. |
| 15 | SO, ARE YOU PSYCHED TO FIGHT FAKE CRIME |
| 16 | WITH YOUR ROBOT SIDEKICK? |
| 17 | AM I PSYCHED? |
| 18 | THE LEAD IN MY OWN TV SERIES? |
| 19 | I'VE DREAMED ABOUT THIS FOR YEARS! |
| 20 | WHY HAVE I NOT BEEN PREPARING? |
| 21 | NO, JOEY, YOU'RE GOING TO BE GREAT. |
| 22 | BUT I GOT TO ACT WITH A ROBOT, PHEEBS |
| 23 | AND I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT TECHNOLOGY. |
| 24 | I CAN'T EVEN USE CHANDLER'S COMPUTER, EXCEPT TO FIND PORN. |
| 25 | AND THAT'S ONLY 'CAUSE IT'S RIGHT THERE |
| 26 | WHEN YOU TURN IT ON. |
| 27 | I THINK OUR LOVERS' SPAT |
| 28 | WILL START A LITTLE EARLY THIS MONTH. |
| 29 | I'LL BE WAITING. |
| 30 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GOING TO BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 31 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 32 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 33 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 34 | ♪ WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY, YOUR WEEK ♪ |
| 35 | ♪ YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 36 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 37 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME, TOO. ♪ |
| 38 | ARE YOU JUDGING THEM BY THEIR COVERS? |
| 39 | 'CAUSE YOU'RE REALLY NOT SUPPOSED TO DO THAT. |
| 40 | NO, I'M JUST DECIDING WHICH ONE TO USE. |
| 41 | I'M GOING TO START WRITING ANOTHER BOOK. |
| 42 | B-BECAUSE THE LAST ONE WAS SUCH A BIG SELLER? |
| 43 | WELL, IF YOU MUST KNOW, I HAVE WRITTEN 14 BOOKS |
| 44 | AND, AS I'M THE ONLY ONE WHO HAS READ THEM |
| 45 | I CAN TELL YOU THAT THEY HAVE ALL BEEN VERY WELL-RECEIVED. |
| 46 | HEY. HEY. |
| 47 | WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING LATER? |
| 48 | OH, RACHEL AND I HAVE APPOINTMENTS |
| 49 | TO GET OUR HAIR CUT. |
| 50 | WE DO? |
| 51 | I WANT TO SEE WHAT HE WANTS. |
| 52 | OH. |
| 53 | I JUST FOUND OUT ELIZABETH'S DAD WANTS TO MEET ME. |
| 54 | WAIT A MINUTE; HOLD THE PHONE-- |
| 55 | YOU'RE NOT ELIZABETH'S DAD? |
| 56 | LOOK, COME ON, GUYS. |
| 57 | I REALLY WANT THIS GUY TO LIKE ME. |
| 58 | IT WOULD REALLY HELP ME OUT IF YOU GUYS COULD BE HERE |
| 59 | TO KIND OF MAKE ME LOOK GOOD. |
| 60 | WE CAN BE HERE. OH, OF COURSE! |
| 61 | THANKS. |
| 62 | WE KNOW HOW TOUGH |
| 63 | THOSE PARENT-TEACHER CONFERENCES CAN BE. |
| 64 | SO, HERE'S YOUR OFFICE SET. |
| 65 | WOW, HUH? |
| 66 | MAC MACAVELLI, PRIVATE INVESTIGATOR. |
| 67 | HUH? |
| 68 | LET'S, UH, GET YOU TO WARDROBE FOR A FITTING. |
| 69 | OKAY-- HEY, UH, WHEN DO I GET TO MEET THE ROBOT? |
| 70 | WHY DON'T WE DO THAT RIGHT NOW? |
| 71 | HE'S RIGHT HERE. |
| 72 | OKAY. |
| 73 | JOEY TRIBBIANI, THIS IS... |
| 74 | OH, MY... WOW! |
| 75 | HE'S SO LIFELIKE. |
| 76 | UNBELIEVABLE. THIS IS WAYNE. |
| 77 | THE MAN WHO CREATED AND OPERATES C.H.E.E.S.E. |
| 78 | HOW DO YOU DO, THERE, WAYNE? |
| 79 | I'LL LET YOU TWO GUYS GET ACQUAINTED, HUH? |
| 80 | OKAY. |
| 81 | SORRY ABOUT THAT. |
| 82 | UH, SO, WHERE'S C.H.E.E.S.E.? |
| 83 | C.H.E.E.S.E. IS RIGHT HERE. |
| 84 | ( electronic voice ): NICE TO MEET YOU, MAC. |
| 85 | ( laughing ) |
| 86 | THIS IS, LIKE, THE TEMPORARY ROBOT, RIGHT? |
| 87 | NO. WHY? |
| 88 | WELL, I JUST THOUGHT IT WAS GOING TO BE |
| 89 | LIKE, A REALLY COOL ROBOT, YOU KNOW? |
| 90 | LIKE THE TERMINATOR |
| 91 | OR, UH, WHEN I FIRST SAW YOU. |
| 92 | I SPENT TWO YEARS DEVELOPING THIS MACHINE. |
| 93 | IT'S ABSOLUTELY STATE-OF-THE-ART. |
| 94 | I'M SORRY, IT JUST... |
| 95 | IT DOESN'T REALLY LOOK LIKE |
| 96 | IT CAN DO ANYTHING. |
| 97 | IT CAN DO THIS. WHOO! |
| 98 | THIS IS MY FATHER, PAUL STEVENS. |
| 99 | DAD, THIS IS ROSS GELLER. |
| 100 | IT-IT-IT'S GREAT TO MEET YOU, PAUL. |
| 101 | I USUALLY PREFER LIZ'S BOYFRIENDS |
| 102 | TO ADDRESS ME AS MR. STEVENS. |
| 103 | WELL, OF COURSE, OF COURSE, MR. STEVENS. |
| 104 | SO, ROSS... |
| 105 | WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM? |
| 106 | EXCUSE ME? |
| 107 | WHY CAN'T YOU GET A GIRLFRIEND YOU OWN AGE? |
| 108 | OH, IT'S FUNNY. |
| 109 | UM... |
| 110 | IT'S NOT FUNNY. |
| 111 | I DON'T LIKE YOU GOING OUT WITH MY DAUGHTER, ROSS. |
| 112 | OKAY, UM... I CAN, I CAN SEE THAT. |
| 113 | UM, BUT I THINK IF YOU GIVE ME, UM, ONE CHANCE |
| 114 | I-I CAN CHANGE YOUR MIND. |
| 115 | OKAY. |
| 116 | WHAT? |
| 117 | OKAY, I'LL GIVE YOU ONE CHANCE |
| 118 | TO CHANGE MY MIND. |
| 119 | YOU GOT ONE MINUTE. |
| 120 | DADDY... FINE. |
| 121 | TWO MINUTES. |
| 122 | GO. |
| 123 | ( sputtering ) |
| 124 | ( chuckling ) |
| 125 | A MINUTE, 50 SECONDS. |
| 126 | OKAY, UM... |
| 127 | I WANT YOU TO KNOW I HAVE NEVER |
| 128 | DONE ANYTHING LIKE THIS BEFORE. |
| 129 | I MEAN, I'VE BEEN IN, UM, RELATIONSHIPS IN GENERAL, |
| 130 | BUT I'VE NEVER DONE IT WITH A STUDENT. |
| 131 | I MEAN, I... NOT... |
| 132 | NOT "IT"... I MEAN... I DON'T MEAN... |
| 133 | WE HAVEN'T DONE "IT." |
| 134 | UH, WE... I MEAN, WE'VE DONE STUFF, BUT I... |
| 135 | OKAY, OKAY. |
| 136 | A JOKE, A JOKE. |
| 137 | LIGHTEN THE MOOD. |
| 138 | UM, TWO GUYS GO INTO A BAR. |
| 139 | ONE OF THEM'S IRISH... |
| 140 | I'M IRISH. |
| 141 | AND THE IRISH GUY WINS THE JOKE. |
| 142 | ROSS! ROSS! |
| 143 | HOW CRAZY THAT WE WOULD RUN INTO YOU. |
| 144 | OH, MY GOD, THANK YOU. |
| 145 | UM, UH, MR. STEVENS, I'D LIKE YOU TO MEET MY FRIENDS. |
| 146 | THIS IS PHOEBE, MONICA AND CHANDLER. |
| 147 | SO YOU'RE ELIZABETH'S FATHER, HUH? |
| 148 | I CAN SEE NOW WHERE SHE GETS HER... |
| 149 | RUGGED HANDSOMENESS. |
| 150 | IS THERE A MRS. STEVENS? |
| 151 | THERE'S A MR. BING. |
| 152 | NO. |
| 153 | UNFORTUNATELY, LIZZY'S MOM PASSED AWAY |
| 154 | SHORTLY AFTER SHE WAS BORN. |
| 155 | I RAISED HER BY MYSELF. |
| 156 | OH! OH! |
| 157 | I GET THAT A LOT. |
| 158 | OKAY. |
| 159 | UM, WHY DON'T WE ALL TAKE A SEAT, YOU KNOW? |
| 160 | AND, UH, AND I'LL GET US ALL SOME COFFEES. |
| 161 | YEAH, WHY DON'T YOU...? |
| 162 | ( clears throat ) |
| 163 | UH, AND YOU GUYS CAN TALK ABOUT WHATEVER... |
| 164 | WHATEVER YOU WANT. |
| 165 | YOU KNOW, WHATEVER POPS INTO YOUR HEAD. |
| 166 | IT IS SO STRANGE SEEING ROSS HERE AT THIS TIME OF DAY |
| 167 | 'CAUSE USUALLY, WELL, HE'S AT THE CHILDREN'S HOSPITAL. |
| 168 | YEAH. |
| 169 | NOT LOOKING FOR DATES. |
| 170 | SO, UH, MONICA IS ROSS'S SISTER. |
| 171 | YEAH. HE'S A GREAT BROTHER. |
| 172 | I HAD A SISTER. |
| 173 | OH. SHE PASSED AWAY. |
| 174 | OH! OH! |
| 175 | OH, YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO THAT EVERY TIME. |
| 176 | BUT, UH, ROSS, ROSS IS A GREAT GUY. |
| 177 | I, UH, WAS ROOMMATES WITH HIM IN COLLEGE. |
| 178 | FUNNY STORY-- |
| 179 | YOUR ROOMMATE IN COLLEGE DIED, DIDN'T HE? |
| 180 | A PART OF HIM DID, YES. |
| 181 | OKAY, HERE WE ARE-- PAUL, ELIZABETH. |
| 182 | SO, I HOPE YOU GUYS |
| 183 | WERE FINDING SOMETHING TO TALK ABOUT. |
| 184 | YES. WE WERE JUST... |
| 185 | HI, SORRY I'M LATE, BUT I AM READY. |
| 186 | READY TO TALK YOU UP. |
| 187 | WHEN DOES LIZ'S FATHER GET HERE? |
| 188 | I'M ALREADY HERE. |
| 189 | OH! |
| 190 | ROSS IS SO GREAT. |
| 191 | HEY, HONEY, YOU GOT THE KIND WITH THE LITTLE GIRL. |
| 192 | YOU SAID WE'D GET THE KIND WITH THE BABY. |
| 193 | NO, YOU SAID THE BABY CREEPS YOU OUT. |
| 194 | NO, THE LITTLE GIRL CREEPS ME OUT. |
| 195 | YOU SAID THE BABY. |
| 196 | WHY WOULD THE BABY CREEP ME OUT? |
| 197 | WHY WOULD THE LITTLE GIRL CREEP YOU OUT? |
| 198 | GUYS, I'M SORRY, CAN YOU PLEASE TALK A LITTLE SLOWER? |
| 199 | THIS IS GOING IN YOUR BOOK? |
| 200 | YEAH. IT'S ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS. |
| 201 | YOU KNOW, THE TRAPS, THE PITFALLS, WHAT NOT TO DO. |
| 202 | KEEP GOING. THIS STUFF'S GREAT. |
| 203 | WHAT?! |
| 204 | EXCUSE ME... |
| 205 | AND HOW NONE OF IT MATTERS |
| 206 | WHEN THE PEOPLE REALLY LOVE EACH OTHER. |
| 207 | AND HOW PEOPLE WILL BELIEVE ANYTHING YOU TELL THEM |
| 208 | AS LONG AS IT'S A COMPLIMENT. |
| 209 | OH, HI. HI. |
| 210 | HI. HI. |
| 211 | I THINK I LEFT MY KEYS HERE SOMEWHERE. |
| 212 | OH, WELL, LET'S LOOK FOR THEM. |
| 213 | USUALLY UNDER HERE, THEY'RE... |
| 214 | OH, OH, HEY, HEY, ARE THESE THEM? |
| 215 | NO. |
| 216 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 217 | OH! |
| 218 | HERE THEY ARE RIGHT HERE. |
| 219 | OH, GOOD. THANKS FOR YOUR HELP. |
| 220 | YEAH-- WAIT! |
| 221 | OH, SORRY, MR. PAUL, MR. PAUL. |
| 222 | JUST CALL ME PAUL. PAUL. |
| 223 | UM, I JUST WANTED YOU TO KNOW |
| 224 | THAT, YOU KNOW, ROSS REALLY IS A GREAT GUY. |
| 225 | WELL, MAYBE YOU COULD DATE HIM, THEN. |
| 226 | THAT WOULD SAVE ME THE TROUBLE OF KILLING HIM. |
| 227 | ARE YOU OKAY? |
| 228 | YOU JUST DON'T LOOK OLD ENOUGH TO HAVE A 20-YEAR-OLD DAUGHTER. |
| 229 | WELL, WE WERE VERY YOUNG WHEN WE HAD HER. |
| 230 | OH, WE? |
| 231 | WELL, YEAH. IT USUALLY TAKES TWO PEOPLE TO... |
| 232 | OH, NO! YES! |
| 233 | OF COURSE... I KNOW THAT. |
| 234 | I MEANT, ARE YOU STILL "WE," OR ARE YOU JUST "YOU"? |
| 235 | I'M JUST ME, YEAH. |
| 236 | MY WIFE DIED SHORTLY AFTER LIZZY WAS BORN. |
| 237 | OH! |
| 238 | SO YOU RAISED HER ALL ON YOUR OWN? |
| 239 | YES, I DID. |
| 240 | OH! OH... |
| 241 | All: HEY. |
| 242 | HOW WAS YOUR FIRST DAY? PRETTY GREAT. |
| 243 | I DID GET A LITTLE ATTITUDE FROM THE ROBOT. |
| 244 | DAMN THOSE ROBOTS. |
| 245 | THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO BE OUR FAITHFUL SERVANTS! |
| 246 | ANYWAY, IT WASN'T THE ROBOT, IT WAS THE GUY WHO CONTROLS HIM. |
| 247 | YEAH, HE DOESN'T LIKE ME. |
| 248 | HE HAD C.H.E.E.S.E. KNOCK OVER THE SANDWICH TABLE |
| 249 | RIGHT WHEN I WAS REACHING FOR ONE-- OH! |
| 250 | SO WHY DON'T YOU JUST GET HIM FIRED? |
| 251 | I MAY HAVE TO. |
| 252 | I HATE TO DO IT, BUT I'M THE STAR, YOU KNOW? |
| 253 | THERE'S A LIMIT TO HOW MANY SANDWICHES |
| 254 | I CAN EAT OFF THE FLOOR. |
| 255 | ( cell phone rings ) |
| 256 | EXCUSE ME. |
| 257 | JOEY TRIBBIANI. |
| 258 | JOE! I'M GLAD I FOUND YOU! |
| 259 | I GOT AN AUDITION FOR YOU! |
| 260 | Wow! |
| 261 | The thing is, it's kind of on the Q.T. |
| 262 | THE ACTOR WHO HAS THE PART |
| 263 | DOESN'T KNOW HE MIGHT BE FIRED. |
| 264 | It's a lead in a series-- |
| 265 | MAC AND C.H.E.E.S.E. |
| 266 | I'M THE LEAD IN MAC AND C.H.E.E.S.E.! |
| 267 | UH-OH! |
| 268 | JOEY? |
| 269 | HI, ROSS. |
| 270 | I WAS JUST GETTING HIM TO LIKE YOU. |
| 271 | JOEY! |
| 272 | JOEY?! |
| 273 | HEY, ROSS. |
| 274 | ROSS, JOEY IS NOT HERE. |
| 275 | OKAY, I'LL JUST WAIT FOR HIM IN HERE. |
| 276 | ROSS, IT'S OKAY. |
| 277 | YOU CAN COME OUT. |
| 278 | YEAH, ROSS, IT'S OKAY. |
| 279 | IT'S ME, MR. STEVENS. |
| 280 | PAUL, I DIDN'T... |
| 281 | OH, MY GOSH, I DIDN'T EVEN SEE YOU. |
| 282 | SURE YOU DID. |
| 283 | YOU CAME IN, YOU GOT ALL AWKWARD. |
| 284 | YOU RAN TO THE BEDROOM. |
| 285 | YOU WERE SHOUTING "JOEY! JOEY!" |
| 286 | BYE, RACHEL. BYE. |
| 287 | I'LL CALL YOU LATER. |
| 288 | OKAY. SEE YOU. |
| 289 | BYE, ROSS. |
| 290 | WHAT... |
| 291 | WHAT... HOW... WHAT THE... HOW... WHAT? |
| 292 | WELL, YOU KNOW, HE LOST HIS KEYS |
| 293 | SO HE WAS LOOKING FOR THEM. |
| 294 | IN YOUR MOUTH? |
| 295 | NO... |
| 296 | DOWNSTAIRS, AND WE GOT TO TALKING, |
| 297 | YOU KNOW, FOR, LIKE, TWO HOURS |
| 298 | AND I REALLY LIKED HIM. |
| 299 | SO I INVITED HIM UP HERE FOR A CUP OF COFFEE. |
| 300 | YOU WERE AT THE COFFEE HOUSE. |
| 301 | ROSS, WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL? |
| 302 | SO I KISSED THE GUY. |
| 303 | HE'S MY GIRLFRIEND'S FATHER, OKAY? |
| 304 | IT'S... IT'S WEIRD. |
| 305 | YOU DATED MY SISTER. |
| 306 | THAT WAS DIFFERENT. |
| 307 | WHAT? WHY? |
| 308 | THIS IS WEIRD FOR ME. |
| 309 | ROSS, LOOK, LOOK... |
| 310 | THIS IS GOOD FOR YOU, OKAY? |
| 311 | LET'S FACE IT. |
| 312 | SO FAR, THE GUY'S NOT LOVING YOU |
| 313 | BUT I CAN TURN THAT AROUND. |
| 314 | I GOT THE INSIDE TRACK. |
| 315 | WE CAN ALL GO OUT TO DINNER. |
| 316 | YOU KNOW, AND I CAN TALK YOU UP. |
| 317 | PLUS, THE GUY IS A VERY, VERY SUCCESSFUL LAWYER. |
| 318 | HOW IS THAT IMPORTANT? |
| 319 | OH, IT'S IMPORTANT. |
| 320 | SO, APPARENTLY, THERE'S, LIKE, A MILLION GUYS OUT THERE |
| 321 | THAT CAN PLAY MAC. |
| 322 | AND THERE'S ONLY THIS ONE ROBOT |
| 323 | AND THIS ONE GUY WHO CONTROLS IT. |
| 324 | I DIDN'T KNOW HE COULD GET ME FIRED. |
| 325 | WHAT AM I GOING TO DO? |
| 326 | WELL, YOU KNOW, JOEY |
| 327 | YOU'RE A PRETTY CHARMING GUY. |
| 328 | THANKS, BUT I KIND OF HAVE A PROBLEM TO DEAL WITH HERE. |
| 329 | NO, SWEETIE, YOU'VE GOT TO WIN OVER THE GUY |
| 330 | WHO CONTROLS C.H.E.E.S.E. |
| 331 | YOU GOT TO GO BACK THERE |
| 332 | AND KISS SOME SERIOUS ROBOT ASS. |
| 333 | THAT'S NOT A BAD IDEA. |
| 334 | OKAY, BUT IF I GOT TO TURN ON THE CHARM TOMORROW |
| 335 | I'M NOT WASTING ANY MORE OF IT OVER HERE WITH YOU GUYS. |
| 336 | WELL, ACTUALLY, I GOT A LITTLE BIT SAVED FOR YOU, PHEEBS. |
| 337 | SO YOU DO YOU THINK, UH, JOEY'S MORE CHARMING THAN ME? |
| 338 | YEAH. THAT'S WHY I'M SLEEPING WITH HIM ON THE SIDE. |
| 339 | YEAH, YOU WISH. |
| 340 | "YOU WISH." |
| 341 | PHOEBE, STOP WRITING ABOUT US. |
| 342 | I'M NOT WRITING ABOUT YOU. |
| 343 | I'M WRITING ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE. |
| 344 | WHO? |
| 345 | MARSHA AND CHESTER. |
| 346 | OKAY, FINE, FINE. |
| 347 | THEN YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 348 | I WILL JUST WRITE ABOUT PHYLLIS. |
| 349 | "PHYLLIS IS SITTING IN A CHAIR." |
| 350 | OOH. |
| 351 | I SEE WHAT YOU'RE DOING. |
| 352 | "PHYLLIS SEES WHAT I'M DOING." |
| 353 | OOH-HOO. |
| 354 | OOH, I HAVE TASTED MY OWN MEDICINE AND IT IS BITTER. |
| 355 | MORNING. HEY... |
| 356 | HOW'S MY FAVORITE GENIUS AND HIS LITTLE ROBOT BUDDY? |
| 357 | DON'T TOUCH HIM. |
| 358 | OKAY. ALL RIGHT. |
| 359 | UH, ALL RIGHT, WAYNE... LOOK |
| 360 | LEVEL WITH ME, OKAY? |
| 361 | I KEEP HEARING ALL THESE RUMORS |
| 362 | THAT I MIGHT GET FIRED. |
| 363 | THEY EVEN HAVE ACTORS COMING IN |
| 364 | TO READ FOR MY PART. |
| 365 | COME ON, MAN. |
| 366 | YOU GOT TO GIVE ME A SECOND CHANCE. |
| 367 | I MEAN, I LOVE THIS LITTLE GUY... |
| 368 | OKAY. |
| 369 | THAT'S WHY YOU DIDN'T WANT ME TO TOUCH HIM, RIGHT? |
| 370 | HERE YOU GO. |
| 371 | STUPID... |
| 372 | I CAN'T BELIEVE IT. |
| 373 | GOD... |
| 374 | HEY, HOW YOU DOING? |
| 375 | SO, IT SEEMED THAT MY PROM DATE |
| 376 | HAD STOOD ME UP, SO ROSS SELFLESSLY |
| 377 | OFFERED TO TAKE ME. |
| 378 | WHAT A NICE STORY. |
| 379 | SO ROSS WAS IN COLLEGE |
| 380 | AND DECIDED TO JUMP AT THE CHANCE |
| 381 | TO TAKE A YOUNG GIRL TO HER HIGH SCHOOL PROM. |
| 382 | WOW... |
| 383 | I DEFINITELY DID NOT SEE THAT ONE BACKFIRING. |
| 384 | I'M GOING TO GO TO THE BATHROOM. |
| 385 | YEAH, TAKE YOUR TIME. |
| 386 | YOU KNOW, JUST SO YOU KNOW |
| 387 | I WAS A FRESHMAN AND SHE WAS A SENIOR. |
| 388 | SO IT WASN'T AS BAD AS... |
| 389 | ROSS, LOOK, I KNOW I HAVE BEEN GIVING YOU A LOT OF JABS |
| 390 | AND IT'S PARTLY BECAUSE I'M VERY PROTECTIVE OF LIZZY |
| 391 | AND PARTLY BECAUSE, WELL, |
| 392 | THEY JUST KEEP COMING TO ME. |
| 393 | BUT I HAVE TO ADMIT THAT AFTER |
| 394 | ALL THE WONDERFUL THINGS LIZZY HAS TOLD ME |
| 395 | AND THE MANY, MANY, MANY STORIES |
| 396 | THAT RACHEL HAS TOLD ME |
| 397 | THAT, WELL... |
| 398 | YOU'RE NOT... ALL BAD. |
| 399 | "NOT ALL BAD." |
| 400 | AND YOU KNOW, I'M SORRY I WAS SO HARSH BEFORE |
| 401 | BUT YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND |
| 402 | I STILL LOOK AT LIZZY |
| 403 | LIKE SHE'S A 12-YEAR-OLD GIRL. |
| 404 | YEAH, YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 405 | I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN. |
| 406 | I DO THAT, TOO. |
| 407 | I BEG YOUR PARDON. |
| 408 | NO, NO, I'M NOT... |
| 409 | I DON'T MEAN I SEE HER AS A 12-YEAR-OLD GIRL. |
| 410 | I MEAN, I HAVE A SON WHO'S SIX |
| 411 | AND I STILL THINK OF HIM AS A BABY. |
| 412 | YOU HAVE A SON? |
| 413 | WELL, MY EX-WIFE AND I |
| 414 | SHARE CUSTODY OF BEN |
| 415 | AND, UH, JUST SO YOU KNOW |
| 416 | CAROL AND I ARE ON EXCELLENT TERMS |
| 417 | AS I'M SURE YOU ARE WITH YOUR WIFE. |
| 418 | OH, I'M SORRY. |
| 419 | IT'S UNBELIEVABLE. |
| 420 | DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT. |
| 421 | I JUST DIDN'T REALIZE YOU WERE MARRIED. |
| 422 | OH, WE WERE, BUT THAT WAS JUST A... |
| 423 | I MEAN, THAT WAS JUST A BIG DRUNKEN MISTAKE. |
| 424 | YOU'RE BACK. |
| 425 | YOU TWO WERE MARRIED? |
| 426 | OH, WHOOPS, I'M SORRY. YOU WERE TALKING ABOUT EMILY. |
| 427 | CHANDLER, WE SAID WE WOULD MEET |
| 428 | AT THE COFFEE HOUSE AT 6:00. |
| 429 | WE SAID 7:00. |
| 430 | WE SAID 6:00. |
| 431 | THE ONLY WAY THAT I SAID 6:00 |
| 432 | WOULD BE IF I SAID THE SENTENCE: |
| 433 | "LET'S MEET AT 7:00, NOT AT 6:00." |
| 434 | YEAH, AND IF I HAD SAID 7:00 |
| 435 | MAYBE I WOULD HAVE SAID SOMETHING LIKE THIS: |
| 436 | "WOW, MY BOYFRIEND IS SUCH A WISE ASS, 7:00." |
| 437 | HI. |
| 438 | OH, MY GOOD GOD. |
| 439 | I KNOW WHAT TIME YOU SAID. |
| 440 | WHAT? |
| 441 | WELL, ACTUALLY, I KNOW WHAT TIME |
| 442 | CHESTER AND MARSHA SAID. |
| 443 | WHAT TIME? |
| 444 | HMM, QUITE AN INTERESTING TURN OF EVENTS. |
| 445 | SUDDENLY, IT'S MY BOOK TO THE RESCUE, HUH? |
| 446 | LET'S SEE. |
| 447 | OOH, VERY INTERESTING. |
| 448 | YEAH, WELL, THIS CERTAINLY CLEARS THINGS UP. |
| 449 | WHAT DOES IT SAY? |
| 450 | I WILL TELL YOU |
| 451 | AS SOON AS YOU THANK ME FOR WRITING MY BOOK. |
| 452 | THANK YOU FOR WRITING YOUR BOOK. |
| 453 | IT'S A GREAT BOOK |
| 454 | AND YOU ARE THE QUEEN OF EVERYTHING. |
| 455 | THANKS, SO ARE YOU. |
| 456 | TOLD YOU I SHOULD NOT WEAR THIS COLOR. |
| 457 | "MONICA... MARSHA AND CHESTER |
| 458 | "ARE PLANNING ON SEEING A MOVIE SUNDAY NIGHT. |
| 459 | "MARSHA THINKS THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO MEET AT 6:00. |
| 460 | CHESTER THINKS IT'S AT 7:00." |
| 461 | SO YOU KNEW WE WERE GOING TO MISS THE MOVIE? |
| 462 | THAT'S RIGHT. |
| 463 | INSTEAD OF TELLING US |
| 464 | YOU WROTE IT IN YOUR STUPID BOOK? |
| 465 | "MARSHA AND CHESTER ARE MAD AT PHYLLIS." |
| 466 | I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M GOING TO LOSE THIS JOB. |
| 467 | OH, I'M SO SORRY, MAN. |
| 468 | IS THERE ANYTHING I CAN DO? |
| 469 | YEAH. HELP ME GET THIS MINI FRIDGE |
| 470 | PAST THE SECURITY GUARD. |
| 471 | ( knocking ) |
| 472 | HEY, JOEY, I WANT TO TALK TO YOU. |
| 473 | YEAH, WELL, I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO YOU, WAYNE. |
| 474 | I HATE YOU. |
| 475 | YOU RUINED MY LIFE. |
| 476 | OH. CHANDLER, WAYNE. WAYNE, CHANDLER. |
| 477 | HI, HOW ARE YOU? |
| 478 | JOEY, JOEY, I'LL GET YOU YOUR JOB BACK IF YOU HELP ME OUT. |
| 479 | WHY SHOULD I HELP YOU OUT? |
| 480 | THE REASON HE JUST SAID. |
| 481 | WHAT DO YOU NEED? |
| 482 | I SAW YOU ON STAGE |
| 483 | TALKING TO THAT BEAUTIFUL WOMAN. |
| 484 | YOU KNOW, SARAH. |
| 485 | I WISH I COULD TALK TO HER. |
| 486 | WHAT? ARE YOU IN LOVE WITH HER OR SOMETHING? |
| 487 | YEAH... HER... ALL OF THEM... ANYONE. |
| 488 | YEAH, I'VE BEEN THERE, MY FRIEND. |
| 489 | LISTEN, I GUARANTEE YOU KEEP YOUR JOB |
| 490 | IF YOU CAN TEACH ME HOW TO TALK TO WOMEN LIKE YOU DO. |
| 491 | OH, WELL, WAYNE... |
| 492 | IT'S NOT REALLY SOMETHING YOU CAN TEACH, YOU KNOW? |
| 493 | IT'S PRETTY MUCH SOMETHING YOU'RE BORN WITH... |
| 494 | YOU CAN TEACH IT. |
| 495 | I CAN SHOW YOU HOW TO DO IT. |
| 496 | I MEAN, IF YOU THINK ABOUT IT |
| 497 | I MEAN, ROSS DID LEARN SOMETHING |
| 498 | FROM EACH MARRIAGE. |
| 499 | HOW TO MAKE THE NEXT ONE EVEN SHORTER? |
| 500 | NOW, WAIT A MINUTE. THAT'S NOT FAIR. |
| 501 | I MEAN, HE WAS MARRIED TO ME |
| 502 | A HELL OF A LOT LONGER THAN HE WAS MARRIED TO EMILY. |
| 503 | HE JUST DIDN'T TELL ME. |
| 504 | MAYBE I HAVE TO PEE AGAIN. |
| 505 | WELL, THIS IS FUN. |
| 506 | SO, ROSS, DID YOU KILL ANY OF THESE WIVES? |
| 507 | YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 508 | I HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS. |
| 509 | YOU KNOW, I CARE A GREAT DEAL ABOUT YOUR DAUGHTER |
| 510 | AND I HAVE TREATED HER WITH NOTHING BUT RESPECT. |
| 511 | SO, IF YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH ME, FRANKLY, I... |
| 512 | ARE YOU YELLING AT ME? |
| 513 | GOD, NO. |
| 514 | YOU KNOW WHAT, DADDY? |
| 515 | IF YOU DON'T LIKE ROSS, THAT'S FINE. |
| 516 | IT DOESN'T MATTER TO ME. |
| 517 | I'M GOING TO GO OUT WITH HIM ANYWAY. |
| 518 | REALLY? |
| 519 | WELL, IF IT DOESN'T MATTER TO HER |
| 520 | IT DOESN'T MATTER TO ME. |
| 521 | STILL NOT YELLING. |
| 522 | WELL... |
| 523 | WHAT CAN I SAY? |
| 524 | THIS DOESN'T MAKE ME LIKE YOU ANY BETTER. |
| 525 | THAT'S OKAY, I'M NOT SO CRAZY ABOUT MYSELF |
| 526 | RIGHT NOW, EITHER. |
| 527 | THEN WE AGREE? |
| 528 | YEAH, YEAH, I GUESS SO. |
| 529 | NEITHER OF US LIKE ROSS. |
| 530 | I LIKE ROSS. |
| 531 | OH... KIDS. |
| 532 | WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. I JUST THOUGHT OF ANOTHER STORY |
| 533 | ABOUT HOW NICE ROSS IS. |
| 534 | UH, IT'S OKAY, RACH. |
| 535 | WE'RE NOT LIKING ROSS RIGHT NOW. |
| 536 | OH, I GOT A LOT OF THOSE, TOO. |
| 537 | WELL, IT TURNS OUT |
| 538 | YOU WERE RIGHT, C.H.E.E.S.E. |
| 539 | THE SHIPMENT NEVER MADE IT THROUGH OMAHA? |
| 540 | YOU GOT IT. |
| 541 | AND THE RABBI'S BEARD-- |
| 542 | 100% HORSEHAIR. |
| 543 | NICE CATCH, C.H.E.E.S.E. |
| 544 | IT'S YOUR LINE, C.H.E.E.S.E. |
| 545 | WAYNE! |
| 546 | WAYNE! |
| 547 | |
| 1 | HI, YOU GUYS. HI. |
| 2 | WHAT'S THE MATTER? WELL, IT'S JUST... |
| 3 | IT'S ONE OF THESE SITUATIONS |
| 4 | THAT I JUST HATE. |
| 5 | YOU KNOW, A MASSAGE CLIENT GAVE ME THREE TICKETS |
| 6 | TO THE HELMUT PELTZ EXHIBIT AT THE MORGAN-CHASE MUSEUM. |
| 7 | NOW YOU'RE THINKING YOU'VE GOT TO SLEEP WITH HIM. |
| 8 | NO. NO, IT'S JUST THAT HE GAVE ME THREE TICKETS |
| 9 | AND THERE ARE SIX OF US. |
| 10 | I'LL GIVE UP MY TICKET. ME, TOO. |
| 11 | OKAY. THAT'S SO GENEROUS. |
| 12 | AND I THINK ROSS IS GENEROUS, TOO. |
| 13 | GREAT. OKAY, THEN IT'S JUST US GIRLS. |
| 14 | GREAT. GREAT. |
| 15 | SO WHAT-WHAT IS THE EXHIBIT? |
| 16 | IT'S MOSTLY JUST PHOTOGRAPHS OF, UM, LESBIAN LOVE SCENES |
| 17 | INTERSPERSED WITH VIDEO GAMES AND FREE SANDWICHES. |
| 18 | OH, MAN... |
| 19 | HEY. |
| 20 | HI THERE. HEY. |
| 21 | HEY, ROSS, LISTEN-- |
| 22 | CHANDLER GOT YOU OUT OF GOING |
| 23 | TO THE LESBIAN/SANDWICH MUSEUM THIS WEEKEND. |
| 24 | THANKS, BUT I HAVE PLANS. |
| 25 | UH, ELIZABETH AND I ARE GOING OUT OF TOWN. |
| 26 | OH, THAT'S GREAT-- THINK ABOUT ALL THE MONEY |
| 27 | THAT YOU'RE GOING TO MAKE. |
| 28 | WHY? WHAT? |
| 29 | WELL, HER FATHER PAYS YOU FOR BABY-SITTING, RIGHT? |
| 30 | NO. THAT'S FUNNY, BUT MAYBE IT'S TIME TO MOVE ON |
| 31 | YOU KNOW, LET IT GO, STOP IT. |
| 32 | BESIDES, RACHEL'S GOING OUT WITH ELIZABETH'S FATHER |
| 33 | SO, UH, HE'S MUCH OLDER THAN SHE IS. |
| 34 | LOOKS LIKE I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE INTERESTED IN FOSSILS, HUH? |
| 35 | ROSS, ALL THAT DOES IS REMIND US |
| 36 | THAT YOU ARE INTERESTED IN FOSSILS. |
| 37 | OKAY, OKAY. UH, WELL, UH |
| 38 | RACHEL'S GOING TO NEED TO YELLSWEET NOTHING'S IN HIS EAR, HUH? |
| 39 | ROSS... |
| 40 | OH, COME ON, YOU GUYS |
| 41 | THAT'S FUNNY, YOU KNOW, 'CAUSE HE'S GOING TO... |
| 42 | HE'S GOT, LIKE, A HEARING AID, YOU KNOW, 'CAUSE... |
| 43 | OH... |
| 44 | 'CAUSE HE'S ALL OLD, YOU KNOW? |
| 45 | ( Paul chuckling ) |
| 46 | 'KAY, LOOK, ROSS... |
| 47 | JUST SO YOU KNOW, |
| 48 | SINCE LIZZIE LIKES YOU SO MUCH |
| 49 | I'VE DECIDED TO ACCEPT THE FACT |
| 50 | THAT YOU'RE GOING OUT WITH HER. |
| 51 | REALLY? THAT... OKAY, THAT'S GREAT. |
| 52 | YEAH. BUT THEN I CHANGED MY MIND. |
| 53 | I'M FUNNY LIKE THAT. |
| 54 | SO I'VE TOLD LIZZIE |
| 55 | AND NOW I'M TELLING YOU-- |
| 56 | I DON'T WANT YOU SEEING MY DAUGHTER ANYMORE. |
| 57 | ALL RIGHT, LOOK, I-I REALIZE IT UPSETS YOU... |
| 58 | YES, IT DOES. |
| 59 | BUT... ELIZABETH AND I ARE BOTH ADULTS |
| 60 | AND SO I DON'T THINK THERE'S REALLY ANYTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT. |
| 61 | I'LL CALL THE UNIVERSITY AND TELL THEM ABOUT YOUR RELATIONSHIP |
| 62 | AND HAVE YOU FIRED. |
| 63 | OH! A MAN WITH A PLAN. |
| 64 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 65 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 66 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 67 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 68 | ♪ WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY, YOUR WEEK ♪ |
| 69 | ♪ YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 70 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 71 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME, TOO. ♪ |
| 72 | THIS IS SO EXCITING. |
| 73 | YOU GET YOUR PICTURE BACK UP THERE |
| 74 | ON THE WALL OF FAME. |
| 75 | I KNOW. |
| 76 | IT WAS SO COOL WHEN I WAS UP THERE BEFORE. |
| 77 | ME AND JIM BELUSHI WOULD BE |
| 78 | CRACKING UP ABOUT SOMETHING. |
| 79 | THEN I GET FIRED |
| 80 | OFF DAYS OF OUR LIVES |
| 81 | AND HE TAKES ME DOWN. |
| 82 | NOW HE'S JUST LAUGHING AT ME. |
| 83 | LOOK AT HIM, THAT SMUG BELUSHI BASTARD. |
| 84 | OH, OKAY, MAYBE WHEN THEY PUT YOUR PICTURE BACK UP |
| 85 | THEY COULD PUT YOU NEXT TO MATT LAUER. |
| 86 | LOOK AT HIM JUST SMILING AT ME. |
| 87 | ( giggles ) |
| 88 | YEAH, I KNOW, WE'D BE GREAT TOGETHER. |
| 89 | OH... PSST. |
| 90 | HEY. SO, I'M BACK. |
| 91 | ( foreign accent ): WHO ARE YOU? |
| 92 | JOEY TRIBBIANI. |
| 93 | FROM THE WALL? |
| 94 | OKAY, MAYBE THIS WILL JOG YOUR MEMORY, HUH? |
| 95 | HUH? |
| 96 | OKAY, ANYWAY, I'M READY TO GO BACK UP ON THE WALL. |
| 97 | I'M THE STAR OF A NEW TV SHOW. |
| 98 | SHOW ME IN THE TV BOOK. |
| 99 | WELL, IT'S NOT ON TV YET. |
| 100 | WELL, THEN IT'S NOT ON THE WALL YET. |
| 101 | OKAY, FINE. I WILL BRING YOU A TAPE, HUH? |
| 102 | SO, NOW, DO YOU HAVE |
| 103 | ANY OF MATT LAUER'S CLOTHES HERE, MAYBE? |
| 104 | JUST ONES THAT HAVEN'T BEEN CLEANED YET? |
| 105 | I LOVE MUSEUMS. |
| 106 | SOAKING UP ALL THE CULTURE. |
| 107 | YEAH. |
| 108 | WHERE DO YOU WANT TO START? |
| 109 | OH, THE GIFT SHOP! |
| 110 | YEAH! |
| 111 | HEY, AND THEN LUNCH. |
| 112 | OH, WAIT. YES |
| 113 | BUT I CAN'T EAT TOO MUCH. |
| 114 | PAUL'S TAKING ME OUT TO DINNER TONIGHT. |
| 115 | HE SAID HE HAS A BIG SURPRISE PLANNED. |
| 116 | OH, WOW. DO YOU THINK MAYBE HE'S GOING |
| 117 | TO TELL YOU HE'S GAY? |
| 118 | WHAT? NO. WHY? |
| 119 | NO REASON. |
| 120 | THAT WOULD JUST BE A REALLY BIG SURPRISE, RIGHT? |
| 121 | YOU CAN PUT THE AISLE OVER HERE |
| 122 | AND HAVE THE WEDDING CEREMONY RIGHT OVER HERE. |
| 123 | I DIDN'T KNOW YOU COULD GET MARRIED HERE. |
| 124 | THIS WOULD BE A BEAUTIFUL PLACE TO GET MARRIED. |
| 125 | BUT I WOULDN'T PUT THE AISLE THERE |
| 126 | AND I WOULD NEVER HAVE THE CEREMONY THERE. |
| 127 | YOU'D HAVE THE CEREMONY UNDER THIS BIG BEAUTIFUL ARCH. |
| 128 | MAY I HELP YOU? |
| 129 | OH, SORRY. |
| 130 | DIDN'T MEAN TO INTERRUPT. |
| 131 | IT'S JUST SUCH A BEAUTIFUL SPACE. |
| 132 | DO YOU DO A LOT OF WEDDINGS HERE? |
| 133 | YES, WE'RE VERY POPULAR. |
| 134 | THERE'S A TWO-YEAR WAITING LIST. SORRY. |
| 135 | MONICA, YOU SHOULD |
| 136 | TOTALLY PUT YOUR NAME DOWN FOR THIS PLACE. |
| 137 | WHAT? ARE YOU CRAZY? |
| 138 | I'M NOT GETTING MARRIED. |
| 139 | I'M NOT EVEN ENGAGED. |
| 140 | BUT THERE'S A TWO-YEAR WAIT |
| 141 | AND THEN WHAT IF YOU GET ENGAGED IN TWO YEARS |
| 142 | AND THEN YOU'VE GOT TO WAIT ANOTHER TWO YEARS FOR THIS PLACE? |
| 143 | THAT'S FOUR YEARS. |
| 144 | CHANDLER'S NOT GOING TO WAIT THAT LONG. |
| 145 | HE'S GOING TO FIND SOMEBODY ELSE, YOU KNOW? |
| 146 | SOMEONE WHO DID PUT |
| 147 | THEIR NAME ON THE LIST. |
| 148 | AND IT CAN'T HURT TO PUT YOUR NAME DOWN. |
| 149 | IF IN TWO YEARS YOU'RE NOT ENGAGED |
| 150 | YOU JUST DON'T USE IT. |
| 151 | WELL, I GUESS THERE IS NO HARM IN PUTTING MY NAME DOWN. |
| 152 | I'M GOING TO DO IT, TOO. |
| 153 | ME, TOO. |
| 154 | REALLY? WHO WOULD YOU MARRY? |
| 155 | I DON'T KNOW. |
| 156 | I DON'T HAVE ANYONE RIGHT NOW, YOU KNOW? |
| 157 | OH, PHEEBS. |
| 158 | DON'T FEEL TOO SORRY FOR ME. |
| 159 | AT LEAST MY BOYFRIEND ISN'T GAY. |
| 160 | PHOEBE, THAT'S NOT... |
| 161 | DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON YOURS. |
| 162 | HEY. |
| 163 | SO, DID YOU WATCH THE TAPE OF MY SHOW? |
| 164 | I DID. |
| 165 | ALL RIGHT. LET'S GET ME BACK UP THERE. |
| 166 | NO, YOU DON'T GO UP ON THE WALL. |
| 167 | WHAT? |
| 168 | BUT YOU SAW THE SHOW. |
| 169 | YES. IT WAS VERY OFFENSIVE TO MY PEOPLE. |
| 170 | DRY CLEANERS? |
| 171 | RUSSIANS. IT SHOWED THEM AS TERRORISTS AND VILLAINS. |
| 172 | OKAY, OKAY, LOOK |
| 173 | YOU GOT HARRISON FORD UP THERE. |
| 174 | THAT'S RIGHT. |
| 175 | MR. FORD IS A VERY GOOD CUSTOMER. |
| 176 | HE BRINGS US A LOT OF CLOTHES. |
| 177 | YOU BRING US NOTHING. |
| 178 | OKAY, WELL, THAT MAY BE TRUE |
| 179 | BUT IN AIR FORCE ONE, OKAY, THE RUSSIANS WERE TERRORISTS |
| 180 | AND EVIL, AND PLUS HE KILLS A BUNCH OF THEM. |
| 181 | THAT'S OFFENSIVE TO RUSSIANS. |
| 182 | I'VE NEVER SEEN IT. |
| 183 | OH, YOU SHOULD. IT'S GREAT. |
| 184 | THIS PLACE IS REALLY BEAUTIFUL. |
| 185 | YEAH, I'VE BEEN COMING HERE SINCE I WAS A KID. |
| 186 | THIS USED TO BE MY GRANDMA'S. |
| 187 | WOW. THE ONLY THING I GOT FROM MY GRANDMOTHER WAS HER EYES. |
| 188 | I MEAN, NOT HER ACTUAL EYEBALLS |
| 189 | BUT PEOPLE SAY THAT MY EYES... |
| 190 | DO YOU WANT TO MAKE OUT? |
| 191 | SURE. |
| 192 | MM. |
| 193 | ARE YOU OKAY? WHAT'S WRONG? |
| 194 | UH, I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT YOUR FATHER. |
| 195 | WELL, WHATEVER WORKS FOR YOU. |
| 196 | NO, NO. UH... |
| 197 | HE JUST REALLY FREAKED ME OUT BEFORE. |
| 198 | OH. WELL, SO WE HAVE TO HIDE OUR RELATIONSHIP |
| 199 | FROM ONE MORE PERSON, BIG DEAL. |
| 200 | BESIDES, WE'VE HAD FUN HIDING IT. |
| 201 | YEAH. |
| 202 | MM. |
| 203 | HEY, UM, YOU BROUGHT PROTECTION, RIGHT? |
| 204 | WHY? ARE THERE, LIKE, BEARS OR SOMETHING? |
| 205 | NO. |
| 206 | OH. OH! |
| 207 | OH, PROTECTION. |
| 208 | NO, YEAH. NO, THAT-THAT I FORGOT. |
| 209 | I'LL JUST RUN TO THE STORE AND GET SOME. |
| 210 | NO, HEY, HEY, I'M THE GUY. |
| 211 | I'LL GET IT. |
| 212 | DO YOU KNOW WHERE THE STORE IS? |
| 213 | NO. |
| 214 | DO YOU WANT TO RIDE AROUND TOWN |
| 215 | ON MY LITTLE PINK BICYCLE? |
| 216 | A LITTLE BIT. |
| 217 | [LAUGHS] |
| 218 | I'LL BE BACK IN TEN MINUTES. OKAY. |
| 219 | WHY DON'T YOU GET IN THE HOT TUB |
| 220 | AND I'LL MEET YOU THERE? |
| 221 | OKAY. |
| 222 | ( door opens ) |
| 223 | Rachel: OH, MY GOD, WHAT A GREAT SURPRISE. |
| 224 | THIS IS SUCH A BEAUTIFUL HOUSE. |
| 225 | Paul: THANK YOU. IT USED TO BE MY MOTHER'S. |
| 226 | THIS IS THE KITCHEN. |
| 227 | ( phone rings ) |
| 228 | Chandler: You've reached Monica and Chandler's. |
| 229 | If you're listening to this message, we're probably screening. |
| 230 | YEAH, WE ARE. ( machine beeps ) |
| 231 | Hi. This is Hildy from the Morgan-Chase museum. |
| 232 | I'm calling for Monica Geller. |
| 233 | I want to let her know that there was a cancellation |
| 234 | and if she's still interested |
| 235 | in having the Bing-Geller wedding in our facility |
| 236 | it is available... |
| 237 | THIS IS CHANDLER BING! THIS IS CHANDLER BING! |
| 238 | YES, THE GROOM. NO, NOT THE GROOM! |
| 239 | SO SECLUDED UP HERE. I KNOW. |
| 240 | THAT'S WHY I LIKE IT HERE. |
| 241 | MM-HMM. I FEEL LIKE WE'RE |
| 242 | THE ONLY TWO PEOPLE IN THE WORLD. |
| 243 | WHOOPS. |
| 244 | SORRY. |
| 245 | ( gasps ) |
| 246 | WHAT'S THE MATTER, HONEY? |
| 247 | DID YOU SEE A LITTLE MOUSE? |
| 248 | NO, NO. BIG BEAR. |
| 249 | BIG BEAR OUTSIDE. |
| 250 | I THOUGHT I HEARD A BEAR. |
| 251 | WOULD YOU GO CHECK ON THAT? |
| 252 | HONEY, WE DON'T HAVE |
| 253 | ANY BEARS HERE. |
| 254 | WELL, OKAY. |
| 255 | W-WOULD YOU GET ME A DIET COKE? |
| 256 | OKAY. |
| 257 | BE RIGHT BACK. OKAY. |
| 258 | OKAY. |
| 259 | WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? |
| 260 | WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? I CAME WITH PAUL. |
| 261 | YEAH, I RECOGNIZE THE ANKLES. |
| 262 | GET OUT. GET OUT. |
| 263 | HERE YOU GO, HONEY. |
| 264 | OH, THANK YOU. |
| 265 | DIET COKE. |
| 266 | OH... ICE. |
| 267 | I NEED ICE. |
| 268 | OKAY. |
| 269 | THANK YOU. BE RIGHT BACK. |
| 270 | OKAY. |
| 271 | YOU AND YOUR ICE. |
| 272 | OH! GET OUT! |
| 273 | GET OUT, GO. COME ON. |
| 274 | QUICK. |
| 275 | NO, NOT IN THERE. NOT IN THERE. |
| 276 | HE'S IN THERE. |
| 277 | DID YOU REALLY HEAR A BEAR? |
| 278 | GO! |
| 279 | HERE YOU GO, HONEY. |
| 280 | OH! |
| 281 | ONE DIET COKE WITH ICE. |
| 282 | OH, THANK YOU. |
| 283 | I AM... SO HAPPY THAT YOU'RE HERE. |
| 284 | HERE I AM! |
| 285 | ELIZABETH! |
| 286 | OH, LOOK! ELIZABETH'S HERE! |
| 287 | WHO ARE YOU TALKING TO? |
| 288 | YOU GUYS? |
| 289 | HOW DID YOU KNOW WE WERE HERE? |
| 290 | UM... |
| 291 | WELL, SHE OBVIOUSLY SAW THE TIRE TRACKS |
| 292 | THAT WERE LEADING UP TO THE CLOSED GARAGE. |
| 293 | OBVIOUSLY. |
| 294 | ELIZABETH... |
| 295 | WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? |
| 296 | DID-DID-DID YOU COME UP HERE |
| 297 | TO WORK ON THAT TERM PAPER OR SOMETHING? |
| 298 | YEAH, YEAH. |
| 299 | WELL, WHY DON'T YOU, YOU KNOW |
| 300 | GO IN THAT ROOM AND DO YOUR HOMEWORK? |
| 301 | OH, I WOULDN'T DO IT IN THERE, UM |
| 302 | THAT'S MY DAD'S BEDROOM. |
| 303 | THAT'S YOUR... THAT'S YOUR DAD'S BEDROOM. |
| 304 | ( loudly ): THAT'S YOUR DAD'S BEDROOM! |
| 305 | HO-HO! |
| 306 | WHY ARE YOU YELLING, RACHEL? |
| 307 | THAT DIET COKE, I THINK-- JUST STRAIGHT TO MY HEAD. |
| 308 | WHOO! |
| 309 | HI, HONEY. |
| 310 | SEE YA LATER. |
| 311 | WHAT, I-I BOUGHT GROCERIES. |
| 312 | I WAS GOING TO MAKE YOU DINNER. |
| 313 | WELL, NEXT TIME, ASK. |
| 314 | OR, AT LEAST, WAIT FOR ME TO ASK. |
| 315 | ( beeps ) |
| 316 | Hi, this is Hildy from the Morgan-Chase Museum. |
| 317 | I'm calling for Monica Geller. |
| 318 | OH, NO. |
| 319 | I want to let her know that there was a cancellation |
| 320 | and if she's still interested |
| 321 | in having the Bing-Geller wedding |
| 322 | in our facility... |
| 323 | OH, PLEASE. |
| 324 | OH, PLEASE, HE DIDN'T HEAR IT. |
| 325 | HE DIDN'T HEAR IT! |
| 326 | This is Chandler Bing! This is Chandler Bing! |
| 327 | NO! |
| 328 | CAN I HELP YOU? |
| 329 | UH... YEAH. WHERE'S THE GUY |
| 330 | WHO DECIDES WHOSE PICTURES GO UP ON THE WALL? |
| 331 | HE'S NOT HERE RIGHT NOW. |
| 332 | OH, YOU'RE KIDDING ME. |
| 333 | ALL RIGHT, MAKE SURE YOU TELL HIM THAT JOEY TRIBBIANI |
| 334 | STOPPED BY TO DROP OFF ALL THESE CLOTHES. I'M AN ACTOR. |
| 335 | I'M TRYING TO GET MY PICTURE UP THERE ON THE WALL. |
| 336 | YOU KNOW, THERE ARE TWO PEOPLE |
| 337 | WHO COULD GET YOUR PICTURE UP THERE. |
| 338 | OH, REALLY? |
| 339 | WELL, MAYBE YOU AND I GO OUT FOR DRINKS. |
| 340 | YOU'RE THE OTHER ONE, RIGHT? |
| 341 | SO, LIZZIE, ARE YOU PLANNING ON STAYING THE NIGHT? |
| 342 | OH, NO, NO. |
| 343 | BELIEVE ME, I'M LEAVING AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. |
| 344 | GOOD. GOOD. |
| 345 | NOT THAT WE DON'T WANT YOU TO STAY. |
| 346 | OBVIOUSLY, YOU'RE WELCOME. |
| 347 | HOW MUCH MORE HOMEWORK DO YOU HAVE? |
| 348 | UH, I JUST HAVE ONE PROBLEM LEFT |
| 349 | THAT I DO NOT KNOW HOW TO SOLVE. |
| 350 | UH, RACHEL, MAYBE YOU WANT TO COME UPSTAIRS |
| 351 | AND HELP ME FIGURE IT OUT? |
| 352 | ( shaky ): REALLY? |
| 353 | OKAY. |
| 354 | OKAY, I-I'LL GO UPSTAIRS... |
| 355 | IF-IF YOU... GET ME SOMETHING FROM THE CAR. |
| 356 | WHAT DO YOU NEED FROM THE CAR? |
| 357 | SURPRISE ME. |
| 358 | ( yelling ): SO, YOU'RE GOING TO BE IN THE CAR |
| 359 | I WILL BE UPSTAIRS |
| 360 | AND THAT'S WHERE EVERYBODY'S GOING TO BE! |
| 361 | ( heavy sigh ) |
| 362 | JUST RELAX, JUST RELAX. |
| 363 | PAUL, YOU'RE DOING GREAT. |
| 364 | SHE LIKES YOU. |
| 365 | SHE... |
| 366 | I THINK SHE LIKES YOU. |
| 367 | SHE LIKES YOU. |
| 368 | YOU KNOW WHY? |
| 369 | BECAUSE YOU'RE A... |
| 370 | NEAT GUY. |
| 371 | YOU ARE THE MAN. |
| 372 | YOU ARE THE MAN! |
| 373 | STILL GOT IT. |
| 374 | ( inhaling ) |
| 375 | STILL SEXY. |
| 376 | YOU'RE JUST A LOVE MACHINE. |
| 377 | ( high-pitched ): ♪ I'M JUST A LOVE MACHINE ♪ |
| 378 | ♪ AND I DON'T WORK FOR NOBODY BUT YOU ♪ |
| 379 | ♪ YEAH, BABY, HUH! ♪ |
| 380 | ( roaring ) |
| 381 | SHOW TIME. |
| 382 | ♪ I'M JUST A LOVE MACHINE ♪ |
| 383 | ♪ YEAH, BABY! ♪ |
| 384 | ♪ HUH! ♪ |
| 385 | PHOEBE... YEAH? |
| 386 | HAVE YOU SEEN CHANDLER? |
| 387 | NO, WHY? |
| 388 | THE WOMAN FROM THE MUSEUM CALLED |
| 389 | AND SAID THAT THERE WAS A CANCELLATION |
| 390 | AND THAT WE COULD MOVE UP OUR WEDDING |
| 391 | AND CHANDLER HEARD. |
| 392 | ( gasps ) I KNOW. |
| 393 | HOW BAD IS THIS? |
| 394 | WELL, WITH A REGULAR GUY, IT'S BAD. |
| 395 | WITH CHANDLER-- OH, DEAR GOD! |
| 396 | I KNOW, I KNOW. |
| 397 | AND HE TOTALLY FREAKED OUT |
| 398 | AND I CAN'T FIND HIM ANYWHERE. |
| 399 | WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO? |
| 400 | I'M NEVER GOING TO LISTEN TO YOU AGAIN |
| 401 | THAT'S FOR SURE. |
| 402 | ( whiny ): AND WHAT HARM CAN IT DO |
| 403 | IF YOU JUST PUT YOUR NAME DOWN? |
| 404 | RACHEL SAID THAT. |
| 405 | WELL, RACHEL'S NOT HERE! |
| 406 | OH, HERE IT IS! |
| 407 | OOH, JOEY, WHY DID YOU SIGN IT "SON OF A BITCH"? |
| 408 | I DIDN'T DO THAT. |
| 409 | WHO WOULD'VE DONE THAT? |
| 410 | SON OF A BITCH! |
| 411 | OKAY, MAYBE ASK THIS GUY. |
| 412 | YOU-- |
| 413 | GET OUT OF MY SHOP! |
| 414 | WHAT DID HE DO? |
| 415 | HE WENT OUT WITH MY WIFE! |
| 416 | JOEY! |
| 417 | WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA! |
| 418 | HEY, I DID NOT GO OUT WITH YOUR WIFE, OKAY? |
| 419 | I WENT OUT WITH HER. |
| 420 | THAT'S MY WIFE! |
| 421 | GET OUT! ( yelling in Russian ) |
| 422 | WELL, WE SHOULD GO. |
| 423 | YEAH. |
| 424 | ROSS? |
| 425 | ROSS? |
| 426 | ELIZABETH. |
| 427 | OKAY... OKAY... |
| 428 | I'M GOING TO GO OUT THIS WINDOW. |
| 429 | I'LL MEET YOU AT THE FRONT DOOR. |
| 430 | TELL THEM YOU'RE GOING HOME, OKAY? |
| 431 | OKAY. |
| 432 | Rachel: WAIT, WAIT, WAIT! |
| 433 | NO, DON'T GO IN THERE! |
| 434 | DON'T GO IN THERE! |
| 435 | I NEED ANOTHER SODA. |
| 436 | ROSS! |
| 437 | OH, MY GOD! ROSS! |
| 438 | WHAT IN HEAVEN'S NAME ARE YOU DOING HERE? |
| 439 | AND THAT IS WHY |
| 440 | WE CANNOT SEE EACH OTHER ANYMORE. |
| 441 | ROSS... |
| 442 | YOU AND I ARE GOING TO HAVE TO HAVE A LITTLE TALK. |
| 443 | DADDY, UH... YOU'RE NEXT! |
| 444 | OKAY. I DIDN'T KNOW HE WAS HERE. |
| 445 | LET ME JUST SEE IF I GOT THIS STRAIGHT. |
| 446 | I TELL YOU TO STAY AWAY FROM MY DAUGHTER |
| 447 | OR I'LL HAVE YOU FIRED. |
| 448 | WHAT YOU HEARD WAS: |
| 449 | "TAKE MY DAUGHTER, COME UP TO MY COUNTRY HOUSE |
| 450 | AND RUIN MY WEEKEND WITH RACHEL." |
| 451 | OKAY, PLEASE, PLEASE, PAUL. |
| 452 | JUST LET ME EXPLAIN... |
| 453 | NO, LET ME EXPLAIN! |
| 454 | FIRED! |
| 455 | OKAY, FINE, FINE. |
| 456 | HAVE ME FIRED. |
| 457 | BUT, UH, I WANT YOU TO KNOW |
| 458 | THAT YOU AND I ARE NOT ALL THAT DIFFERENT. |
| 459 | I MEAN... |
| 460 | I, TOO, AM A NEAT GUY. |
| 461 | WHAT? |
| 462 | AND I, TOO |
| 463 | AM JUST A LOVE MACHINE. |
| 464 | ( humming "Love Machine" ) |
| 465 | ( grunts ) |
| 466 | ROSS... |
| 467 | LET ME SHOW YOU WHERE THE GUEST ROOM IS. |
| 468 | I'M SO SORRY. |
| 469 | PLEASE STOP FREAKING OUT. |
| 470 | I'M NOT FREAKING OUT. |
| 471 | WHY WOULD I BE FREAKING OUT? |
| 472 | A WOMAN NAMED HILDY CALLED TO SAY WE WERE GETTING MARRIED |
| 473 | BUT THAT HAPPENS EVERY DAY. |
| 474 | WAH-AHHH-AHHH! |
| 475 | HONEY, WE WERE AT THIS BEAUTIFUL PLACE |
| 476 | AND I JUST PUT OUR NAMES DOWN FOR FUN. |
| 477 | I MEAN, WHAT'S THE HARM IN THAT? |
| 478 | RIGHT HERE. |
| 479 | ( clucking ) |
| 480 | CHANDLER, PLEASE DON'T THINK I WAS TRYING TO PRESSURE YOU. |
| 481 | PHOEBE AND RACHEL JUST THOUGHT THAT... |
| 482 | PHOEBE AND RACHEL... |
| 483 | SO THE PEOPLE THAT KNEW ABOUT OUR WEDDING BEFORE ME |
| 484 | WERE YOU, PHOEBE AND RACHEL |
| 485 | HILDY, AND APPARENTLY SOME BAND |
| 486 | CALLED THE STARLIGHT MAGIC SEVEN |
| 487 | WHO ARE AVAILABLE, BY THE WAY. |
| 488 | IT WAS A MISTAKE. |
| 489 | PLEASE DON'T TAKE THIS TO MEAN ANYTHING |
| 490 | BECAUSE IT DOESN'T. |
| 491 | OKAY. |
| 492 | REALLY? |
| 493 | YES, IF IT REALLY DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING |
| 494 | BECAUSE YOU KNOW THAT I'M JUST NOT READY... |
| 495 | I KNOW. I KNOW. |
| 496 | OKAY. |
| 497 | ALL RIGHT. |
| 498 | NOW I'M GOING TO GO TELL JOEY THAT YOU'RE BACK. |
| 499 | HE WAS REALLY WORRIED ABOUT YOU. |
| 500 | HEY, DID SHE BUY IT? |
| 501 | TOTALLY. |
| 502 | SO DID HILDY SHOW YOU THE PLACE? |
| 503 | YEAH, IT'S BEAUTIFUL. |
| 504 | I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE GOING TO ASK MONICA TO MARRY YOU. |
| 505 | I KNOW. |
| 506 | HEY, GUNTHER. |
| 507 | TAKE THESE CAPPUCCINOS TO TABLE ELEVEN |
| 508 | AND THAT GUY OVER THERE WANTS SOME BISCOTTI. |
| 509 | OH, UH, WELL, I JUST, ACTUALLY, CAME IN |
| 510 | FOR A CUP OF COFFEE TO GO. |
| 511 | DO YOU STILL WORK HERE? |
| 512 | NO, NO, I QUIT A LONG TIME AGO. |
| 513 | DID I FORGET TO TELL YOU THAT? I'M SORRY. |
| 514 | NO, THAT'S COOL. I WAS GOING TO FIRE YOU ANYWAY. |
| 515 | GREAT! |
| 516 | |
| 1 | PHEEBS, CAN YOU HELP ME PICK OUT |
| 2 | AN ENGAGEMENT RING FOR MONICA? |
| 3 | I CAN'T FIGURE THIS OUT. IT'S SO HARD. |
| 4 | SHOULD I GET HER A TIFFANY CUT OR A PRINCESS CUT OR A... OW! |
| 5 | PAPER CUT! |
| 6 | NOW, HAVE YOU TOLD ANYONE ELSE? |
| 7 | NO. I DON'T WANT TO TELL ANYBODY ELSE |
| 8 | BECAUSE I DON'T WANT MONICA TO FIND OUT. |
| 9 | YOU TOLD ME. |
| 10 | WELL, THAT'S BECAUSE I TRUST YOU |
| 11 | AND YOU'RE ONE OF MY BEST FRIENDS |
| 12 | AND YOU WALKED IN ON ME |
| 13 | WHILE I WAS LOOKING AT RING BROCHURES. |
| 14 | YEAH, WELL, ONCE AGAIN, NOT KNOCKING PAYS OFF. |
| 15 | I ONLY WISH YOU HADN'T BEEN ON THE TOILET. |
| 16 | ME, TOO. |
| 17 | HEY. HEY. HEY. |
| 18 | SO, CHANDLER, WANT TO GO TO THE COFFEE HOUSE? |
| 19 | OH, ALL RIGHT. YEAH, COFFEE HOUSE. |
| 20 | PERFECT. WE WERE JUST GOING TO SEE IF YOU WANTED TO GO. |
| 21 | OH, WELL, WE DON'T 'CAUSE WE GOT THE OTHER PLACE. |
| 22 | HOW RUDE. |
| 23 | OH, I'M SORRY. YOU WANT A BITE? |
| 24 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 25 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 26 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 27 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 28 | ♪ WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY, YOUR WEEK ♪ |
| 29 | ♪ YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 30 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 31 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME, TOO. ♪ |
| 32 | SO HOW ARE THINGS GOING WITH PAUL? |
| 33 | GOOD. |
| 34 | ALTHOUGH, YOU KNOW, HE'S A PRIVATE GUY. |
| 35 | YOU KNOW, I WISH I COULD GET HIM |
| 36 | TO OPEN UP A LITTLE BIT, SHARE SOME FEELINGS. |
| 37 | THAT'S EASY. YOU JUST HAVE TO THINK OF HIM |
| 38 | AS A JAR OF PICKLES THAT WON'T OPEN. |
| 39 | SO WHAT ARE YOU SAYING? |
| 40 | I SHOULD RUN HIM UNDER SOME HOT WATER |
| 41 | AND BANG HIS HEAD AGAINST THE TABLE? |
| 42 | NO. THAT'S WHAT YOU DO WHEN YOU WANT TO GET |
| 43 | THE TRUTH OUT OF SOMEONE. |
| 44 | ( chuckles ) |
| 45 | HI, HONEY. HI. |
| 46 | WATCH THIS. |
| 47 | OKAY. |
| 48 | HEY, PAUL. HI, PHOEBE. |
| 49 | SO, HOW ARE THINGS GOING WITH YOU? |
| 50 | CAN'T COMPLAIN. |
| 51 | ( clucks tongue ) |
| 52 | LET'S GO. OKAY. |
| 53 | HEY! HI! |
| 54 | ROSS, GOOD TO SEE YOU, TOO. |
| 55 | HOW YOU DOING? GOOD. BYE. |
| 56 | OKAY, YOU TAKE CARE. |
| 57 | YEAH! |
| 58 | EW. |
| 59 | HEY, PHEEBS, WHAT WAS THE DEAL |
| 60 | WITH YOU AND CHANDLER BLOWING US OFF BEFORE? |
| 61 | YEAH, IT WAS SO WEIRD, HUH? |
| 62 | PHOEBE, WHY'D YOU DO IT? |
| 63 | I DIDN'T DO IT. |
| 64 | IT WAS CHANDLER. |
| 65 | HE'S... HE'S MAD AT YOU. |
| 66 | WHA...? WHY? |
| 67 | PLEASE. I THINK YOU KNOW WHY. |
| 68 | CAN'T THINK OF ANYTHING. |
| 69 | COME ON, ROSS. |
| 70 | YOU'RE A PALEONTOLOGIST. |
| 71 | DIG A LITTLE DEEPER. |
| 72 | WAIT A MINUTE. IS IT 'CAUSE JOEY AND I |
| 73 | DIDN'T INVITE HIM TO THAT KNICKS GAME |
| 74 | A COUPLE OF WEEKS AGO? |
| 75 | DO YOU THINK THAT'S SOMETHING THAT HE'D BE MAD AT YOU FOR? |
| 76 | I GUESS IT COULD. |
| 77 | WELL, THEN, I THINK THAT'S IT. |
| 78 | WELL, IF HE'S ANGRY |
| 79 | HE REALLY SHOULDN'T JUST COVER IT UP. |
| 80 | I WISH HE WOULD JUST TELL ME THE TRUTH. |
| 81 | OH, IF THAT'S WHAT YOU WANT |
| 82 | THEN YOU REALLY SHOULD RUN HIM UNDER HOT WATER |
| 83 | AND BANG HIS HEAD AGAINST THE TABLE. |
| 84 | HONEY, I MADE A RESERVATION AT CHINA GARDEN. |
| 85 | IS THAT OKAY? |
| 86 | YEAH. NO, THAT'S GREAT. |
| 87 | BUT FIRST, WAIT. TALK TO ME, TALK TO ME. |
| 88 | TELL ME ABOUT YOUR DAY. |
| 89 | IT WAS FINE. |
| 90 | OKAY. ( chuckles ) |
| 91 | HEY, WHAT ARE YOU THINKING RIGHT NOW? |
| 92 | I'M THINKING THAT YOU ARE LOOKING REALLY FINE |
| 93 | IN THAT DRESS. |
| 94 | YOU KNOW, THAT'S GREAT, PAUL |
| 95 | BUT YOU KNOW, I WANT TO KNOW WHAT... |
| 96 | WOW, THOSE ARE REALLY GREAT. |
| 97 | UM... |
| 98 | UM, I JUST WANT TO KNOW WHAT IS |
| 99 | BEHIND THIS STRONG, SILENT EXTERIOR. |
| 100 | YOU KNOW, THEY SAY THAT STILL WATERS RUN DEEP |
| 101 | AND I WANT TO SWIM IN YOURS. |
| 102 | ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT HAVING SEX? |
| 103 | NO. PAUL, I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT YOU. |
| 104 | YOU KNOW, LIKE YOUR CHILDHOOD. |
| 105 | TELL ME ABOUT YOUR CHILDHOOD. |
| 106 | NORMAL. |
| 107 | OKAY. WELL, THEN HOW ABOUT PUBERTY? |
| 108 | COME ON. THAT'S ALWAYS A PAINFUL TIME. |
| 109 | YOU KNOW, WHEN YOUR FRIENDS INVITE YOU TO A SLUMBER PARTY |
| 110 | AND THEN THEY STICK YOUR HAND IN WARM WATER |
| 111 | WHILE YOU'RE SLEEPING SO THAT YOU |
| 112 | PEE IN YOUR SLEEPING BAG? |
| 113 | NOPE, THAT NEVER HAPPENED TO ME. |
| 114 | WELL, YOU'RE LUCKY YOU NEVER MET THAT BITCH SHARON MAJESKI. |
| 115 | ANYWAY, UM, THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. |
| 116 | YOU KNOW, ANY REGRETS? |
| 117 | NOPE. |
| 118 | ALL RIGHT, PAUL. YOU KNOW, I'M NOT ASKING |
| 119 | FOR A LOT HERE, OKAY? |
| 120 | JUST GIVE ME SOMETHING. |
| 121 | ANYTHING. |
| 122 | OKAY. OKAY. |
| 123 | WHEN I WAS SIX YEARS OLD... MM-HMM. |
| 124 | I WANTED A BIG WHEEL. |
| 125 | AND INSTEAD, MY PARENTS GOT ME |
| 126 | THIS LITTLE PLASTIC CHICKEN THAT YOU HOP AROUND ON. |
| 127 | IT WAS EMBARRASSING. |
| 128 | KIDS MADE FUN OF ME. OH. |
| 129 | THAT WAS A PRETTY TOUGH YEAR. |
| 130 | THAT'S GREAT. SEE? |
| 131 | I ALREADY FEEL LIKE I KNOW YOU |
| 132 | A LITTLE BETTER. |
| 133 | THANK YOU. |
| 134 | OKAY. COME ON. NOW WE CAN GO EAT. |
| 135 | LET'S GO. |
| 136 | IT WAS HORRIBLE. |
| 137 | THEY CALLED ME "CHICKEN BOY." |
| 138 | ( sobbing ) |
| 139 | AND IN FIFTH GRADE, I GOT INTO A FIGHT. |
| 140 | WELL, IT WASN'T REALLY A FIGHT. |
| 141 | RICHARD DARUMBULL BIT ME ON THE NOSE AND I FELL DOWN. |
| 142 | I STILL HAVE A LITTLE SCAR RIGHT HERE. |
| 143 | YOU CAN SEE IT. |
| 144 | YEAH, I SEE THE SCAR. |
| 145 | LISTEN, PAUL, I THINK THIS IS REALLY GREAT |
| 146 | THAT, YOU KNOW, YOU'VE SHARED YOUR FEELINGS. |
| 147 | IT'S REALLY BEAUTIFUL |
| 148 | BUT, UM, WHAT DO YOU SAY WE GO SHARE SOME FOOD? |
| 149 | OH, I COULDN'T EAT NOW. |
| 150 | WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? |
| 151 | YOU LOVE THEIR KUNG PAO CHICKEN. |
| 152 | "CHICKEN"? |
| 153 | "CHICKEN BOY!" |
| 154 | I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY. |
| 155 | I DIDN'T MEAN TO DO THIS. |
| 156 | ( mimics clucking ) |
| 157 | THIS IS THE NINE MILLIONTH RING STORE WE'VE BEEN TO |
| 158 | AND I CAN'T FIND THE PERFECT RING. |
| 159 | UGLY RING, UGLY RING, UGLY RING. |
| 160 | IT'S A BEAUTIFUL SELECTION. |
| 161 | OKAY, SO MAYBE YOU DON'T GET HER A RING. |
| 162 | MAYBE YOU DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT. |
| 163 | YOU KNOW, MAYBE YOU GET HER |
| 164 | AN ENGAGEMENT BRACELET, YOU KNOW? |
| 165 | OR AN ENGAGEMENT TIARA. |
| 166 | OH, AN ENGAGEMENT REVOLUTIONARY WAR MUSKET. |
| 167 | YOU KNOW, I'M SO GLAD I PICKED YOU TO HELP ME WITH THIS. HUH? |
| 168 | CAN'T YOU JUST IMAGINE GETTING DOWN ON ONE KNEE |
| 169 | AND HANDING HER THIS GORGEOUS PIECE OF WEAPONRY? |
| 170 | YEAH, I'M GOING TO STICK WITH THE RING. |
| 171 | OH, THIS ONE'S NICE. |
| 172 | I LIKE THIS ONE. |
| 173 | SIR, UH, KIND SIR. |
| 174 | CAN I SEE THIS ONE? |
| 175 | WAIT A MINUTE. THIS IS THE REASON YOU BROUGHT ME, OKAY? |
| 176 | I KNOW HOW TO HAGGLE |
| 177 | SO LET ME HANDLE THIS FROM HERE ON OUT. |
| 178 | CAN I HELP YOU? UH, YES. |
| 179 | I WOULD LIKE TO SEE THAT RING, PLEASE. |
| 180 | OR NOT. WHATEVER. |
| 181 | THIS RING IS FROM THE 1920s. |
| 182 | IT'S A 1h-CARAT DIAMOND |
| 183 | WITH SAPPHIRES ON EITHER SIDE. |
| 184 | SIR, COULD I ASK YOU TO, UM |
| 185 | COULD YOU HOLD OUT THAT RING AND ASK ME TO MARRY YOU? |
| 186 | OKAY. |
| 187 | WILL YOU MARRY ME? |
| 188 | OH, MY GOD. THAT'S IT. THAT'S THE RING. |
| 189 | HOW MUCH IS IT? CHANDLER, I WILL HANDLE THIS. |
| 190 | HOW MUCH IS IT? |
| 191 | $8,600. |
| 192 | WE WILL GIVE YOU TEN DOLLARS. |
| 193 | ARE YOU INTERESTED IN THIS RING? |
| 194 | YES. YES, BUT I CAN ONLY PAY $8,000. |
| 195 | OKAY. I CAN LET IT GO FOR $8,000. |
| 196 | WE STAND FIRM AT TEN DOLLARS. |
| 197 | HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO PAY? |
| 198 | UH, CREDIT CARD. |
| 199 | OH, NO. BUT I LENT MY CREDIT CARD TO JOEY. |
| 200 | OKAY, I'LL GO GET IT. |
| 201 | YOU GUARD THE RING. |
| 202 | OKAY. |
| 203 | LISTEN, I'M SORRY ABOUT BEFORE. |
| 204 | DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING HERE FOR TEN DOLLARS? |
| 205 | UH, YES. I HAVE THESE TWO |
| 206 | RATHER BEAUTIFUL FIVE DOLLAR BILLS. |
| 207 | I'LL GIVE YOU ONE DOLLAR FOR THEM. |
| 208 | HEY, REMEMBER HOW CHANDLER AND PHOEBE |
| 209 | BLEW US OFF YESTERDAY? |
| 210 | NO. |
| 211 | REMEMBER? YOU WERE EATING PIZZA. YEAH. |
| 212 | OKAY. |
| 213 | WELL, APPARENTLY, CHANDLER'S ANGRY AT US |
| 214 | FOR NOT GETTING HIM A TICKET |
| 215 | TO THAT KNICKS GAME A COUPLE OF WEEKS AGO. |
| 216 | WE WERE SUPPOSED TO JUST GET HIM A TICKET? |
| 217 | THAT GUY IS ALWAYS MOOCHING OFF OF US. |
| 218 | RIGHT. |
| 219 | ANYWAY, I STILL THINK WE SHOULD TRY TO PATCH THINGS UP. |
| 220 | YOU KNOW, LIKE, UH... |
| 221 | MAYBE WE CAN GET HIM TICKETS TO ANOTHER KNICKS GAME |
| 222 | AND INVITE HIM. OH, WOW, THAT'S A GREAT IDEA. |
| 223 | AND I STILL HAVE HIS CREDIT CARD. |
| 224 | HERE YOU GO. |
| 225 | HEY, HEY, HEY. HOLD ON. |
| 226 | I GOT THIS ONE. HERE YOU GO. |
| 227 | YOU KNOW, I GOT TO TELL YOU. |
| 228 | SOMETIMES I DON'T GET CHANDLER. |
| 229 | YOU KNOW, ME AND HIM DO STUFF |
| 230 | ALL THE TIME WITHOUT YOU |
| 231 | AND YOU DON'T GET ALL UPSET. |
| 232 | ALL THE TIME? |
| 233 | ALL THE TIME. |
| 234 | OH, MY GOD! OH, MY GOD! |
| 235 | STILL CRYING? |
| 236 | LIKE A LITTLE GIRL. |
| 237 | I KNOW, I KNOW, I KNOW. |
| 238 | THIS IS ALL MY FAULT. |
| 239 | I WANTED HIM TO OPEN UP. |
| 240 | BUT I DIDN'T KNOW I WAS GOING TO UNLEASH |
| 241 | THIS WEEPY, CLINGY, MOIST MONSTER. |
| 242 | YOU KNOW, I ONLY KNOW OF TWO SUREFIRE WAYS |
| 243 | TO SHUT A MAN UP AND ONE OF THEM IS SEX. |
| 244 | WHAT'S THE OTHER ONE? |
| 245 | I DON'T KNOW. I'VE NEVER HAD |
| 246 | TO USE THE OTHER ONE. |
| 247 | I'M JUST SAYING |
| 248 | YOU KNOW, IF WE'RE HAVING SEX, HE'S NOT GOING TO BE TALKING. |
| 249 | OH, THAT'S RIGHT. |
| 250 | YOU'RE THE TALKER. |
| 251 | ANYWAY, UH, GREAT IDEA. |
| 252 | UM, I GOT TO GO TO THE STORE. |
| 253 | I TOLD HIM THAT I WOULD BUY HIM SOME MORE TISSUES. |
| 254 | OH, WE HAVE SOME HERE. |
| 255 | NO, YOU DON'T! |
| 256 | OKAY. UM, I'D ALSO LIKE TO TRY ON THE TIARA. |
| 257 | OH, YEAH. OKAY. |
| 258 | WOW. WHAT DO YOU THINK? |
| 259 | TOO MUCH? |
| 260 | A TAD. |
| 261 | THEN TAKE THE TIARA BACK |
| 262 | AND LET ME HOLD THE MUSKET AGAIN. |
| 263 | SOMETHING'S MISSING. |
| 264 | IT'S NOT... |
| 265 | OKAY. OH, LET ME SEE THE RING |
| 266 | THAT MY FRIEND PICKED OUT. |
| 267 | WHERE'S THE 1920s |
| 268 | PRINCESS-CUT RING? |
| 269 | I JUST SOLD IT TO THAT GENTLEMAN. |
| 270 | OH, MY GOD! |
| 271 | WAIT! NO! |
| 272 | ( alarm blares ) |
| 273 | NO! WHAT?! HEY! |
| 274 | LET ME OUT |
| 275 | NOW! |
| 276 | RACHEL? |
| 277 | NO. |
| 278 | HOW ARE YOU, PAUL? |
| 279 | OKAY. |
| 280 | CHANDLER... |
| 281 | DID YOUR DAD EVER HUG YOU? |
| 282 | NO. |
| 283 | DID HE HUG YOU? NO. |
| 284 | NO, I... |
| 285 | IT'S JUST THAT... MY DAD NEVER DID. |
| 286 | I MISS MY DAD. |
| 287 | WELL, YOU CAN SEE MY DAD IN VEGAS |
| 288 | KISSING OTHER DADS. |
| 289 | HEY, CHANDLER? |
| 290 | YEAH? |
| 291 | WOULD YOU... |
| 292 | WOULD YOU HUG ME? |
| 293 | I'M A LITTLE BUSY HERE, PAUL. |
| 294 | ( crying ): THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT MY DAD USED TO SAY. |
| 295 | OKAY, A QUICK ONE. |
| 296 | COME ON, HUG IT OUT. |
| 297 | HEY! |
| 298 | THERE YOU GO. |
| 299 | OKAY. |
| 300 | FIVE MORE SECONDS. OKAY! |
| 301 | HEY. |
| 302 | JOEY! |
| 303 | WHAT, HEY, WHAT, HEY, WHAT... HEY. |
| 304 | HI. PAUL, IS IT? |
| 305 | DO YOU HAVE MY CREDIT CARD? |
| 306 | YEAH, IT'S IN MY... IN... IN MY POCKET. |
| 307 | MY BACK POCKET! |
| 308 | THANK GOD. |
| 309 | HEY, LISTEN, I GOT US TICKETS |
| 310 | TO A KNICKS GAME TONIGHT. |
| 311 | OH, I CAN'T GO. |
| 312 | COME ON, IT'LL BE FUN. |
| 313 | ME, YOU AND ROSS AND... PAUL, PROBABLY. |
| 314 | Phoebe: CHANDLER |
| 315 | I FOUND THE PERFECT RING. |
| 316 | OH, THAT'S-THAT'S PRETTY NICE |
| 317 | BUT I'M GOING TO GO WITH THE ONE I PICKED FIRST. |
| 318 | OH, WAKE UP, CHANDLER. |
| 319 | THE ONE YOU PICKED IS GONE. |
| 320 | IT'S OVER! |
| 321 | WHAT? |
| 322 | SOME GUY BOUGHT IT. I'M SORRY. |
| 323 | I TRIED TO STOP IT, BUT THEY PUT ME IN JAIL. |
| 324 | THEY PUT YOU IN JAIL? |
| 325 | THE LITTLE JAIL BETWEEN THE DOORS. |
| 326 | PHOEBE, I ASKED YOU TO GUARD THE RING. |
| 327 | I KNOW-- I'M SORRY... |
| 328 | BUT, YOU KNOW, THIS RING IS BETTER |
| 329 | AND MONICA NEVER EVEN SAW THE OTHER RING. |
| 330 | YEAH, BUT WHEN HE PROPOSED TO ME WITH THE RING |
| 331 | I GOT... GOOSEBUMPS. |
| 332 | MAYBE IT WAS THE GUY. |
| 333 | IT WAS THE RING. |
| 334 | HEY, SO, UH, WAS HE EXCITED ABOUT THE TICKETS? |
| 335 | NO. HE BLEW US OFF. |
| 336 | WHAT? I KNOW! |
| 337 | I CAN'T BELIEVE IT. |
| 338 | CAN I TELL YOU SOMETHING? |
| 339 | I'M A LITTLE MAD AT HIM NOW. |
| 340 | CAN I TELL YOU SOMETHING? |
| 341 | ME, TOO. YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 342 | HE DIDN'T WANT TO TALK TO US ABOUT BEING ANGRY. |
| 343 | WELL, MAYBE WE DON'T TALK TO HIM AT ALL. |
| 344 | OOH... |
| 345 | FREEZE HIM OUT. THAT'S RIGHT. |
| 346 | I LIKE IT. EH? WE'LL SHOW HIM. |
| 347 | FROM NOW ON, IT'S GOING TO BE JOEY AND ROSS-- |
| 348 | BEST FRIENDS. |
| 349 | OKAY. |
| 350 | WE'RE GOING TO BE THE NEW JOEY AND CHANDLER. |
| 351 | ( door opening ) |
| 352 | HI. I'M BACK. HEY, I HAVE |
| 353 | SO MUCH MORE TO TELL YOU. |
| 354 | I'VE WRITTEN IT ALL DOWN. |
| 355 | AH, THAT'S GREAT. |
| 356 | NO, ACTUALLY, THAT'S... |
| 357 | THAT'S GREAT. |
| 358 | THAT'S REALLY GREAT. |
| 359 | YOU KNOW, I GOT TO TELL YOU |
| 360 | WRITING |
| 361 | GETS ME, UH... |
| 362 | GETS ME KIND OF HOT. |
| 363 | WAIT, WAIT, LISTEN. |
| 364 | LISTEN TO THIS. |
| 365 | YOU KNOW WHAT I WANTED TO BE WHEN I WAS THAT AGE? |
| 366 | A LOVER? |
| 367 | SURFER. |
| 368 | OH, YEAH? SURFER? |
| 369 | I WANTED TO BE ONE WITH THE WAVES, YOU KNOW... |
| 370 | OKAY, HONEY, HOLD ON REAL QUICK. |
| 371 | HOLD ON A SECOND. |
| 372 | LET ME JUST, UH... |
| 373 | GET A LITTLE MORE COMFORTABLE, HERE. |
| 374 | OH, WAIT. NOW, WAIT A SECOND. |
| 375 | THIS ISN'T TOO REVEALING, IS IT? |
| 376 | NO. |
| 377 | "WHATEVER HAPPENED TO THAT LITTLE DUDE... |
| 378 | SO FULL OF DREAMS?" |
| 379 | I DON'T CARE ABOUT THE LITTLE DUDE! |
| 380 | I CAN'T... I CANNOT LISTEN TO ANY MORE OF THIS. |
| 381 | THE ONLY PERSON WHO WOULD WANT TO LISTEN |
| 382 | TO ANY MORE OF THIS IS A MENTAL HEALTH PROFESSIONAL |
| 383 | AND THAT IS ONLY BECAUSE THEY GET PAID $100 AN HOUR. |
| 384 | DO YOU MUCH HOW MONEY I COULD HAVE MADE |
| 385 | LISTENING TO YOU? |
| 386 | $2,000. |
| 387 | AND YOU KNOW WHEN I FIGURED THAT OUT? |
| 388 | WHILE YOU WERE TALKING. |
| 389 | I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE TRYING TO STIFLE ME |
| 390 | WHEN JUST 14 HOURS AGO, WE FIGURED OUT THAT THAT IS EXACTLY |
| 391 | WHAT MY MOTHER WAS TRYING TO DO TO ME. |
| 392 | OH, I'M SORRY. |
| 393 | I... I... I DON'T MEAN... DIDN'T MEAN TO STIFLE YOU. |
| 394 | I... THIS IS ALL JUST A LITTLE OVERWHELMING. |
| 395 | OH, RACHEL. |
| 396 | I'M... |
| 397 | SO SORRY. |
| 398 | OH... |
| 399 | I DIDN'T MEAN TO OVERWHELM YOU. |
| 400 | IT'S JUST THAT... WHEN THOSE GATES OPENED |
| 401 | IT WAS HARD TO... HARD TO CLOSE THEM... |
| 402 | BUT THEY ARE CLOSED NOW, BELIEVE ME. |
| 403 | I'M SO GLAD. |
| 404 | I'M SO GLAD... YOU SHARED... |
| 405 | AND I'M GLAD THAT YOU'RE DONE. |
| 406 | SO WHAT DO YOU SAY WE, UM... |
| 407 | I'D REALLY LIKE THAT. |
| 408 | MM-HMM. |
| 409 | ( moans softly ) |
| 410 | ( sighs ) |
| 411 | ( moans softly ) |
| 412 | THAT WAS... |
| 413 | ( crying ): SO GOOD. |
| 414 | ( sobbing ) |
| 415 | OH... OH... |
| 416 | YUCK! |
| 417 | HEY. I CAN'T BELIEVE |
| 418 | I LET YOU TALK ME INTO BUYING |
| 419 | THIS STUPID, GUMBALL-MACHINE-LOOKING RING. |
| 420 | IT'S NOT A STUPID, GUMBALL-MACHINE- LOOKING RING. |
| 421 | IT'S A BEAUTIFUL RING. |
| 422 | NO, IT'S NOT. |
| 423 | WHEN I LOOKED AT THE OTHER RING I COULD SEE MONICA'S FACE |
| 424 | WHEN I GAVE IT TO HER, YOU KNOW? |
| 425 | AND I COULD SEE HER SAYING, "YES." |
| 426 | WHEN I LOOK AT THIS RING, ALL I SEE IS A RING... |
| 427 | UNLESS I LOOK AT IT REALLY CLOSELY |
| 428 | AND THEN... I CAN SEE MY OWN EYE. |
| 429 | ( chuckling ) |
| 430 | LOOK, THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING |
| 431 | I'M GOING TO DO IN MY LIFE. |
| 432 | I WANT TO MAKE SURE IT'S PERFECT. |
| 433 | OKAY, THERE MAY BE A WAY |
| 434 | THAT WE COULD GET THE OTHER RING BACK |
| 435 | 'CAUSE I HEARD THE GUY TELL THE JEWELER |
| 436 | WHERE HE WAS GOING TO PROPOSE. |
| 437 | SO, MAYBE WE COULD GET HIM TO TRADE RINGS OR SOMETHING. |
| 438 | WE CAN'T DO THAT. |
| 439 | WELL, YOU CERTAINLY CAN'T GIVE HER |
| 440 | THAT STUPID GUMBALL RING. |
| 441 | THERE HE IS. |
| 442 | Chandler: OKAY, AND HE HASN'T PROPOSED YET |
| 443 | BECAUSE SHE HAS NO RING ON HER FINGER. |
| 444 | ( gasping ): WOW, YOU'RE GOOD. |
| 445 | AFTER THIS, WE SHOULD SOLVE CRIMES. |
| 446 | YEAH. |
| 447 | OKAY, GO-GO-GO GET HIM. |
| 448 | OH, OKAY. |
| 449 | EXCUSE ME, SIR. |
| 450 | COULD YOU COME WITH ME, PLEASE? |
| 451 | YOU HAVE A PHONE CALL. |
| 452 | WHO IS IT? |
| 453 | IT IS YOUR OFFICE. |
| 454 | DO YOU KNOW WHO AT MY OFFICE? |
| 455 | JOHN. OH, JOHN. GREAT. |
| 456 | HERE HE IS. HI, HI. |
| 457 | OKAY, THERE WAS A SLIGHT MIX-UP AT THE JEWELRY STORE. |
| 458 | THE RING YOU'RE ABOUT TO PROPOSE WITH |
| 459 | WAS SUPPOSED TO BE HELD FOR ME. |
| 460 | SO, I'M GOING TO NEED TO HAVE THAT BACK... |
| 461 | BUT IN EXCHANGE |
| 462 | I'M WILLING TO TRADE YOU |
| 463 | THIS BEAUTIFUL, MORE EXPENSIVE RING. |
| 464 | WOW. |
| 465 | I WOULD TRADE. |
| 466 | IT IS BEAUTIFUL |
| 467 | BUT I'M GOING TO USE THIS ONE. |
| 468 | NOW, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME. |
| 469 | NO, NO, SEE, THIS IS MY FIANCEE |
| 470 | AND HER HEART WAS SET ON THAT RING. |
| 471 | YOU DON'T WANT TO BREAK HER HEART, NOW, DO YOU? |
| 472 | YEAH, DO YOU WANT TO BREAK A DYING WOMAN'S HEART? |
| 473 | YOU'RE DYING? |
| 474 | ( coughing ) |
| 475 | YES, SHE'S DYING... |
| 476 | OF A COUGH, APPARENTLY. |
| 477 | Phoebe: YES... |
| 478 | AND IT IS MY DYING WISH TO HAVE THAT RING. |
| 479 | SEE, IF I'M NOT BURIED WITH THAT RING |
| 480 | THEN MY SPIRIT IS GOING TO WANDER THE NETHERWORLD |
| 481 | FOR ALL ETERNITY. |
| 482 | OKAY, THAT'S ENOUGH, HONEY. |
| 483 | UH... I DON'T KNOW. |
| 484 | LET ME SEE THE RING. GREAT. |
| 485 | OKAY, HERE. |
| 486 | ALL RIGHT, I'LL DO IT. |
| 487 | THANK YOU. THANK YOU. |
| 488 | THANK YOU, AND YOU ARE ABOUT TO MARRY A WONDERFUL MAN. |
| 489 | HEY, I'M MARRYING A DEAD WOMAN. |
| 490 | Announcer: Rebound, Ronaldson again. |
| 491 | Remember, Jamal Falkner was... |
| 492 | GUYS... |
| 493 | ( game continuing ) |
| 494 | The ball is blocked by Hendren. |
| 495 | I GOT SOMETHING IMPORTANT TO TELL YOU. |
| 496 | GUYS? |
| 497 | ...get up in the air. |
| 498 | Dent made a nice move. |
| 499 | GUYS? |
| 500 | GUYS? |
| 501 | Watch Mario Bennett, now. |
| 502 | He's going to take a nice sweep... |
| 503 | I'M GOING TO ASK MONICA TO MARRY ME. |
| 504 | ( TV stops playing ) |
| 505 | I THINK WE GOT TO END THE FREEZE-OUT. |
| 506 | WAIT A MINUTE. IS TH... IS THIS FOR REAL? |
| 507 | YEAH. CHECK OUT THE RING. |
| 508 | OH, MY GOD! |
| 509 | SO, YOU TWO ARE REALLY SERIOUS? |
| 510 | YEP, PRETTY MUCH. |
| 511 | Y-YOU'RE GOING TO GET MARRIED? |
| 512 | I MEAN... WE'RE GOING TO BE BROTHERS-IN-LAW. |
| 513 | COME HERE. ( laughing ) |
| 514 | A-A-A-A-A-AND-AND WE'RE GOING TO BE FRIENDS AGAIN. |
| 515 | HEY... |
| 516 | WHAT? |
| 517 | WATER UNDER THE BRIDGE. |
| 518 | OKAY. FORGET ABOUT IT. |
| 519 | I WAS GOING TO WAIT TILL, UH, IT WAS OFFICIAL, YOU KNOW |
| 520 | BUT I GOT SO EXCITED I JUST HAD TO TELL YOU GUYS |
| 521 | 'CAUSE YOU'RE MY BEST FRIENDS. |
| 522 | I THINK I'M GOING TO CRY. |
| 523 | OH, NO MORE CRYING... PLEASE. |
| 524 | I JUST DUMPED ONE CRYBABY. |
| 525 | I'LL DUMP YOU, TOO. |
| 526 | GO, GO, GO, GO. |
| 527 | I'M GOING TO ASK MONICA TO MARRY ME. |
| 528 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 529 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 530 | ( gasping ) |
| 531 | OH, CHANDLER! |
| 532 | YOU GUYS ARE GOING TO BE SO HAPPY. |
| 533 | I KNOW. |
| 534 | ( crying ): WHERE'S ALL THE TISSUE? |
| 535 | CHECK OUT THE RING. OH! |
| 536 | OH! |
| 537 | NICE. 1h CARAT, EASY. |
| 538 | HEY. Ross: CHANDLER'S GOING |
| 539 | TO ASK MONICA TO MARRY HIM. |
| 540 | OH, I KNOW. I HELPED PICK OUT THE RING. OH... |
| 541 | YOU TOLD HER BEFORE YOU TOLD US? |
| 542 | WELL, SHE WALKED IN |
| 543 | WHILE I WAS LOOKING AT THE RING BROCHURES. |
| 544 | YOU CAN UNDERSTAND THAT, RIGHT? |
| 545 | GUYS? |
| 546 | GUYS? |
| 547 | |
| 1 | God, that is the most beautiful |
| 2 | engagement ring ever. |
| 3 | Yeah, well, you should know. |
| 4 | You've bought, like, a billion of them. |
| 5 | Yeah, you didn't get one. |
| 6 | Okay. Well, tonight's the big night. |
| 7 | Hey, listen, how you going to ask her? |
| 8 | It is going to be perfect. |
| 9 | I am taking her to her favorite restaurant. |
| 10 | I'm going to get her a bottle of the champagne |
| 11 | that she really loves therefore knows how expensive it is. |
| 12 | Then, when the glasses are full |
| 13 | instead of proposing a toast, I'm just going to propose. |
| 14 | Oh-h. |
| 15 | - It sounds perfect. - Yeah. |
| 16 | You're going to mess it up. Let me do it. |
| 17 | I'm not going to mess it up. |
| 18 | If she says no, can I have the ring? |
| 19 | She's not going to say no. |
| 20 | If. |
| 21 | - Hey. - Hey. |
| 22 | [muffled] Hi, Monica. |
| 23 | - Give it. - It's gone. |
| 24 | Phoebe. |
| 25 | [muffled] Hey, Monica. |
| 26 | We're practically kissing. |
| 27 | [theme music] |
| 28 | ♪ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ♪ |
| 29 | ♪ Your job's a joke you're broke ♪ |
| 30 | ♪ Your love life's DOA ♪ |
| 31 | ♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪ |
| 32 | ♪ When it hasn't been your day your week ♪ |
| 33 | ♪ Your month or even your year ♪ |
| 34 | ♪ But I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 35 | ♪ 'Cause you're there for me too ♪♪ |
| 36 | - Hey. - Hey. |
| 37 | Are any of you guys free tonight? |
| 38 | My boss is hosting this charity event |
| 39 | for underprivileged kids |
| 40 | and the more people I bring, the better I look. |
| 41 | So, Monica, Chandler. |
| 42 | Well, Monica and Chandler can't go. |
| 43 | We're going to dinner, remember? |
| 44 | Oh, my God, I'm so sorry. |
| 45 | What's the big deal? |
| 46 | I just get mad when |
| 47 | Rachel doesn't remember where we're going. |
| 48 | Where are you going? |
| 49 | - How about you guys? - Open bar? |
| 50 | I think so. |
| 51 | I can do that for the kids. |
| 52 | Yeah, you know what? I'll come, too. |
| 53 | I'm making money now. |
| 54 | It's about time I give something back. |
| 55 | Well, you could also give back the money you owe me. |
| 56 | Okay...have a benefit. |
| 57 | Hey. |
| 58 | Hey, Ross, listen, can you |
| 59 | come to a charity event tonight? |
| 60 | Oh, no, I have plans with Elizabeth. |
| 61 | Oh, so you're already doing your part for the kids. |
| 62 | Sorry, it's just one of our last nights together |
| 63 | before she leaves for camp to be a counselor. |
| 64 | Ross, let me ask you a question. |
| 65 | All jokes aside, where is this relationship going? |
| 66 | Wait a minute. All jokes aside? |
| 67 | I didn't agree to that. |
| 68 | Do you really see this as a long-term thing? |
| 69 | I don't know. |
| 70 | You know, you are 12 years older than her. |
| 71 | Wait a minute, d-does everyone feel this way? |
| 72 | - Yeah. - Sort of. |
| 73 | - Yeah, - Sorry. |
| 74 | Oh, wow, uh. |
| 75 | I thought you guys were like just making jokes. |
| 76 | I had no idea. |
| 77 | Well, you know what? You guys are wrong. |
| 78 | Yes, there is a chronological age difference |
| 79 | but I never notice it. |
| 80 | You know why? Because she is very mature. |
| 81 | Besides, it doesn't really matter to me |
| 82 | what you guys think. |
| 83 | I mean I'm the one dating Elizabeth, not you. |
| 84 | Not what she said last night. |
| 85 | Yeah. See, now, he could date her. |
| 86 | Will you marry me? |
| 87 | Will you marry me? |
| 88 | Hey, you marry me. |
| 89 | What's going on, Little Elves? |
| 90 | It's the big night. We wanted to wish you good luck. |
| 91 | Yeah, yeah. You have the ring? |
| 92 | Yeah, right here in my pocket. |
| 93 | Oh. |
| 94 | - Pheebs. - What? Oh. O-op. |
| 95 | Okay, now, will you guys get out of here? |
| 96 | I want this to be a surprise |
| 97 | and she's going to know. |
| 98 | Yeah, yeah, you guys, get out of here. |
| 99 | Hey. Hi, guys. |
| 100 | - You look beautiful. - Mm. Thank you. |
| 101 | What's going on? |
| 102 | We're just really ex.. |
| 103 | ...excited about this charity event |
| 104 | that we have to go to. |
| 105 | - Here. - Oh, thank you. |
| 106 | So, now, what's going on here? |
| 107 | Uh, well, uh, this is a silent auction. |
| 108 | They lay out all the stuff here |
| 109 | and then you write down your offer |
| 110 | and then the highest bid gets it. |
| 111 | No, I know what a silent auction is. |
| 112 | I meant, what's going on with your hair? |
| 113 | Uh, w-why? |
| 114 | No, it's nice. |
| 115 | - Nice to see you, Rachel. - Oh. |
| 116 | So glad you brought someone. |
| 117 | Oh, someone? I brought people. |
| 118 | Mr. Thompson, this is Phoebe. |
| 119 | Phoebe, this is Mr. Thompson. |
| 120 | He's the head of my department. |
| 121 | And I also brought my friend Joey. |
| 122 | Oh, shrimp toast. |
| 123 | Uh, you know, I-I don't know where he is. |
| 124 | Well, I hope you're going to bid on some things, Rachel. |
| 125 | Well, you know what, actually I was about to bid |
| 126 | on this lovely trip to Paris. |
| 127 | - Oh, nice choice. - Yeah. |
| 128 | - Good luck. - Thank you. |
| 129 | Ha. Okay. |
| 130 | Twenty dollars. |
| 131 | Shut the door, shut the door. |
| 132 | W-What's going on? |
| 133 | The guys across the hall are throwing water balloons at us. |
| 134 | Oh, you have to call the police. |
| 135 | That's what I did to the kids in my building. |
| 136 | No, it's a water balloon fight. |
| 137 | - We started it. - Oh. Um...mmm. |
| 138 | Listen, um, I, I-I just stopped by |
| 139 | to see if you wanted to see this play tonight. |
| 140 | Um...it's supposed to be excellent. |
| 141 | The director is-- |
| 142 | Who drank all the kamikazes? |
| 143 | Nobody. We put 'em in here! |
| 144 | [squealing] |
| 145 | - You want some? - No. |
| 146 | Okay, okay. Okay. |
| 147 | Okay. Look, can I, can I just |
| 148 | just talk to you for a second? |
| 149 | Yeah, sure. |
| 150 | Um, so this play, um |
| 151 | what do you think? |
| 152 | I-It's gotten great reviews, you know the-- |
| 153 | Attack! |
| 154 | [girls screaming] |
| 155 | Put your balloons down. |
| 156 | You put your balloons down. |
| 157 | You put yours.. |
| 158 | Everybody! Put their balloons down! |
| 159 | Now, this is a nice suit. |
| 160 | Our next item is the romantic trip to Paris. |
| 161 | It goes to Emil Alexander, with a high bid of $2,300. |
| 162 | Oh. So close. |
| 163 | Heya, guys, look. |
| 164 | I got me some drinks. |
| 165 | What are you doing? |
| 166 | Open bar. |
| 167 | And finally our biggest item of the night. |
| 168 | The 22-foot gentleman's daysailer sailboat. |
| 169 | The winning bid was a whopping $20,000. |
| 170 | O-oh. |
| 171 | I won. |
| 172 | That was my guess. |
| 173 | What? What? What? |
| 174 | I guessed $20,000. |
| 175 | Joey, it is an auction. |
| 176 | You don't guess, you buy. |
| 177 | What? |
| 178 | I don't have $20,000. |
| 179 | Congratulations on your new boat, Joey Tribbiani. |
| 180 | Joey, sit down. |
| 181 | Forget her. You enjoy this. |
| 182 | Wow. Wow. |
| 183 | [sighing] |
| 184 | What are you doing? |
| 185 | One nation, under God |
| 186 | indivisible with liberty and justice for all. |
| 187 | [chuckling] I remembered it. |
| 188 | The champagne is here. |
| 189 | - Are you okay? - Yes, yes, I'm good. |
| 190 | Are you good? Are you good? |
| 191 | Is everything, are you are y-you perfect, perfect? |
| 192 | Yeah. I'm okay. |
| 193 | I'm actually, I'm a little cold, though. |
| 194 | Can I, can I have your jacket? |
| 195 | Oh, yeah. |
| 196 | Uh, no, you can't have my jacket. |
| 197 | Because then I would be cold. |
| 198 | If you thought that you were going to be cold |
| 199 | you should have brought your own jacket. |
| 200 | But, uh, other than that are you okay? |
| 201 | Are you okay? |
| 202 | [chuckling] You're sure you're okay? |
| 203 | Yes. I'm fine. |
| 204 | In fact, I've been fine for a long time now |
| 205 | and I think...the reason is you. |
| 206 | Mm, that's sweet. |
| 207 | Okay, um. |
| 208 | [clearing throat] |
| 209 | Before I met you, I had really little life |
| 210 | and I couldn't imagine growing old with-- |
| 211 | Oh, my God. |
| 212 | I know, but just let me say it. |
| 213 | Oh, my God, Richard. |
| 214 | What? I'm Chandler. |
| 215 | Oh, that's Richard. |
| 216 | Oh, God. Maybe he won't see us. |
| 217 | Richard! |
| 218 | Monica. Chandler. |
| 219 | Hey, hey. |
| 220 | I don't know why I did that. |
| 221 | Hey, it, it's good to see you. |
| 222 | You, too. You let your hair grow long. |
| 223 | Yeah, oh, that's right |
| 224 | you, you always wanted me to. |
| 225 | I see you got your mustache back. |
| 226 | Well, my nose got lonely. |
| 227 | And, uh, you don't have a mustache |
| 228 | which is good. |
| 229 | I'm Chandler, I make jokes |
| 230 | when I'm uncomfortable. |
| 231 | Oh, I'm sorry. Lisa. |
| 232 | Monica, Chandler. We used to date. |
| 233 | Richard, no one's supposed to know about us. |
| 234 | See, I did it again. |
| 235 | Chandler, w-why don't we sit down. |
| 236 | Yeah, I'll sit down. |
| 237 | It's good to see you. |
| 238 | Your table's ready, sir. |
| 239 | - Oh. Good to see you guys. - Yes. |
| 240 | Or, if you prefer this table's available. |
| 241 | That might be fun. |
| 242 | What were you thinking? |
| 243 | I didn't know it was an auction. |
| 244 | I figured I'd take a guess. |
| 245 | Help a charity, free boat. |
| 246 | Why would a charity give away a free boat? |
| 247 | I don't know...charity? |
| 248 | Oh. |
| 249 | Oh, just buy the damn boat. |
| 250 | Phoebe, don't you think you've had enough to drink? |
| 251 | I'm just helping the kids. |
| 252 | How is you drinking helping the kids? |
| 253 | Because the more I drink |
| 254 | the less there is for the kids to drink. |
| 255 | - Mr. Tribbiani. - Oh, hey. |
| 256 | Your generous contribution brings us a big step closer |
| 257 | to building the youth center. |
| 258 | Just out of curiosity |
| 259 | how, how much is that boat worth? |
| 260 | I think it was valued at $19,000. |
| 261 | I was pretty close. |
| 262 | Uh...so, bad news. |
| 263 | Um...I can't buy the boat. |
| 264 | I don't have any money. |
| 265 | [stifling laughter] |
| 266 | Joey...Joey, good one. |
| 267 | You're silly. |
| 268 | [laughing] Very good. Very good. |
| 269 | [laughing] |
| 270 | So, uh, listen I think I'm going to take off now. |
| 271 | Hey, y-you cannot leave, Joey. |
| 272 | You agreed to buy that boat, alright? |
| 273 | It is a contract. |
| 274 | Plus, if you leave, my boss is going to kill me. |
| 275 | What am I going to do, Rach? |
| 276 | I don't have that kind of money. |
| 277 | I know. Okay, okay, okay, okay. |
| 278 | Alright, alright. This is what we're going to do. |
| 279 | We are going to go to the next highest bidder |
| 280 | and we are just going to let them buy it |
| 281 | and then you're just going to pay the difference. |
| 282 | Okay, look, I don't know why the kids need |
| 283 | a youth center anyway, you know? |
| 284 | They should just watch TV after school, like I did |
| 285 | and I turned out fine. |
| 286 | Not great. |
| 287 | So we're hiding in the bathroom.. |
| 288 | And then I sneak out |
| 289 | but, before Monica can, her parents come in. |
| 290 | Yeah, so I hide in the shower and, the next thing you know |
| 291 | they're going at it right on the bathroom floor. |
| 292 | [laughing] Oh, my God. |
| 293 | I got a good one. I got a good one. |
| 294 | I once walked in on both my parents |
| 295 | making love to the same guy. |
| 296 | It's so great seeing you guys again. |
| 297 | I'd like to make a toast. |
| 298 | Uh...as a poet once said |
| 299 | "in the sweetness of friendship |
| 300 | "let there be laughter and sharing of pleasures |
| 301 | "for in the dew of little things |
| 302 | "the heart finds its morning |
| 303 | and is refreshed." |
| 304 | Oh. |
| 305 | What? |
| 306 | Oh, my God. You guys. |
| 307 | Before you say anything |
| 308 | have we got a story for you. |
| 309 | Guess who we bumped into at dinner. |
| 310 | - Who? - Richard. |
| 311 | Who? Oh. |
| 312 | Oh! |
| 313 | I thought you were going out with Elizabeth. |
| 314 | Yeah, I was, but she was a little busy |
| 315 | with a water balloon fight. |
| 316 | Oh, Ross, sometimes, grownups have commitments |
| 317 | they just can't get out of. |
| 318 | You know, maybe she is too young for me. |
| 319 | When I was over there and she was |
| 320 | running around with her friends |
| 321 | I felt like I was a baby-sitter. |
| 322 | I finally started to see |
| 323 | what you guys were talking about. |
| 324 | I don't know what to do. |
| 325 | Why don't you just weigh out |
| 326 | the good stuff about the relationship |
| 327 | against the bad stuff? |
| 328 | I mean that's what I did when I first started.. |
| 329 | ...weighing stuff. |
| 330 | Okay, bad stuff: |
| 331 | Well, I'm-I'm 12 years older than she is. |
| 332 | If the school finds out, you're fired. |
| 333 | She's leaving for three months. |
| 334 | For camp. |
| 335 | Okay, good stuff. |
| 336 | Um...well, she's...she's sweet and pretty and.. |
| 337 | Look, Ross, the only question you need to ask |
| 338 | is do you see a future? |
| 339 | I mean, like, do you see yourself marrying her? |
| 340 | Oh, my God, you did it already. |
| 341 | You married her, didn't you? |
| 342 | No, no, I didn't do that. |
| 343 | It's just.. |
| 344 | Okay, honestly, no. |
| 345 | I don't...I don't see a big future with her. |
| 346 | Okay, well, I-I think that's your answer. |
| 347 | I got to talk to her. |
| 348 | Oh, I hate this part. |
| 349 | You have to forget about Elizabeth. |
| 350 | I mean, if you're not careful |
| 351 | you may not get married at all this year. |
| 352 | Rachel, Rachel. |
| 353 | Okay, the next highest bidder is at table one. |
| 354 | - Oh, great. - Yeah. |
| 355 | Oh, and the guy who got the Paris trip is at table four. |
| 356 | Oh, okay. |
| 357 | Why do you care about the guy |
| 358 | who won the Paris trip? |
| 359 | It's a trip for two. |
| 360 | Excuse me. |
| 361 | Excuse me, is the person who won the Paris trip at this table? |
| 362 | - That was me. - Oh. Enchante. |
| 363 | Uh...excuse me. |
| 364 | Is there a Mr. Bowmont at this table? |
| 365 | - That's me. - Oh, yeah. |
| 366 | Well, hello. |
| 367 | This is your lucky day, Mr. Bowmont. |
| 368 | The gentleman daysailer |
| 369 | has just become available again. |
| 370 | And I believe that you made a bid of $18,000. |
| 371 | Y-You have to pay that. It's not just a guess. |
| 372 | Okay. |
| 373 | I was actually relieved, uh |
| 374 | I didn't win the boat. |
| 375 | My wife would have killed me. |
| 376 | Are you kidding me? She's going to love this boat. |
| 377 | - Yeah. What's your wife's name? - It's Pam. |
| 378 | Pam. Oh, God. Just imagine this, the Pam. |
| 379 | Oh...ho-ho. |
| 380 | I don't think she'd like that. |
| 381 | Okay, i-imagine this, the Mr. Bowmont. |
| 382 | O-oh. |
| 383 | I don't think so, dear. |
| 384 | Okay, look, let me paint you a little picture. |
| 385 | Alright, you are setting sail up the Hudson. |
| 386 | You got the wind in your ha-arms. |
| 387 | You, you get all the peace and quiet |
| 388 | that you've always wanted. |
| 389 | You get back to nature. |
| 390 | You can go fishing. |
| 391 | You c-can get one of those little hats |
| 392 | and have people call you "captain." |
| 393 | And then, when you're old, "cappy." |
| 394 | What the hell. It's for a good cause. Alright. |
| 395 | No way. It's mine. |
| 396 | What? What? |
| 397 | All that stuff you just said, I want that! |
| 398 | Joey, you don't have $20,000. |
| 399 | Who cares? I'll make payments. |
| 400 | Whatever it takes. I want the Mr. Bowmont. |
| 401 | Oh, my God, you're back. |
| 402 | Oh, let me see it. Let me see your hand. |
| 403 | Why do you want to see my hand? |
| 404 | I want to see what's in your hand. |
| 405 | I want to see the trash. |
| 406 | Ew-w. O-oh, it's all dirty. |
| 407 | - You should throw this out. - Yeah. |
| 408 | Okay. |
| 409 | What did you guys just do? |
| 410 | What happened? |
| 411 | Richard was there, so I couldn't do it. |
| 412 | - Oh, no. - Oh. |
| 413 | I was going to do it tomorrow, you know, and surprise her. |
| 414 | - But now you've ruined it. - Oh, we didn't ruin it. |
| 415 | Who walks into a room and asks to see a person's hands? |
| 416 | Well, a palm reader, a manicurist |
| 417 | a hand doctor. |
| 418 | Glove salesman. |
| 419 | Good one. Yeah. |
| 420 | This is terrible. What am I going to do? |
| 421 | Look, she only suspects something, okay? |
| 422 | She doesn't know for sure |
| 423 | so just throw her off the track. |
| 424 | That's right. I could throw her off. |
| 425 | I could make her think that, uh |
| 426 | marriage was the last thing on my mind. |
| 427 | Yeah, convince her t-that you're scared of commitment. |
| 428 | I can do that. I've had 30 years of practice. |
| 429 | Hey, being you is finally going to pay off. |
| 430 | Oh, I had to go all the way to the basement |
| 431 | because some idiot keeps stuffing the trash chute |
| 432 | with pizza boxes. |
| 433 | That guy still doing that? Huh. |
| 434 | Hey. Oh, my God, you're here. |
| 435 | - Let me see your hand. - No, you're too late. |
| 436 | She already took out the trash. |
| 437 | [Ross thinking] Wow. |
| 438 | I have never had |
| 439 | such a healthy breakup. |
| 440 | She was such |
| 441 | a grownup about it. |
| 442 | She didn't seem too |
| 443 | immature for me. |
| 444 | Did I just make a huge mistake? |
| 445 | Ross, wait. |
| 446 | Elizabeth...thank God. |
| 447 | I was just thinking about-- |
| 448 | You suck! |
| 449 | What? |
| 450 | Okay. |
| 451 | Breakup's still on. |
| 452 | Okay, okay, here she comes. How do I look? |
| 453 | Do I look like a guy who doesn't want to get married? |
| 454 | Yeah. And also a little like a French guy. |
| 455 | I never noticed that before. |
| 456 | Hey, guys. |
| 457 | - Hey. - Hey. |
| 458 | - What are you up to? - Oh, just hanging out. |
| 459 | Talking about websites. |
| 460 | Yeah. |
| 461 | Yeah, we saw this really interesting website |
| 462 | about marriage and how totally unnecessary it is |
| 463 | and how it's just a way for the government to keep tabs on you. |
| 464 | Yeah. Big brother. |
| 465 | Well, that's a little crazy. |
| 466 | Although I am, you know, glad to hear |
| 467 | that you're branching out on what you |
| 468 | look at on the internet. |
| 469 | You know, it just got me thinking, though. |
| 470 | Why would anybody ever want to get married, huh? |
| 471 | Why? To celebrate your relationship. |
| 472 | To solidify your commitment. |
| 473 | To declare your love for one another to the world. |
| 474 | Eh. |
| 475 | Okay, well, that's good to know. |
| 476 | Ah. The Mr. Bowmont's here! |
| 477 | Hey, Monica, there's a customer who wants |
| 478 | to compliment the chef. |
| 479 | - Shall I let him in? - Sure. I love this part. |
| 480 | Come on in. |
| 481 | Hi. |
| 482 | Richard. |
| 483 | Actually, I'm not here to compliment the chef. |
| 484 | Oh, that's okay. |
| 485 | I hate when people come back to compliment the chef. |
| 486 | Like I have nothing better to do. |
| 487 | So what's up? |
| 488 | Well, it was great seeing you the other night. |
| 489 | Yeah, it was good to see you, too. |
| 490 | Did you come down here to tell me that? |
| 491 | No. I came here to tell you something else. |
| 492 | I came here to tell you I still love you. |
| 493 | [theme music] |
| 494 | |
| 1 | WHAT, UH |
| 2 | WHAT DID YOU... |
| 3 | WHAT? |
| 4 | I STILL LOVE YOU... |
| 5 | AND I KNOW I PROBABLY SHOULDN'T EVEN BE HERE TELLING YOU THIS. |
| 6 | I MEAN, YOU'RE WITH CHANDLER, A GUY I REALLY LIKE... |
| 7 | AND IF YOU SAY HE'S STRAIGHT |
| 8 | I'LL BELIEVE YOU. |
| 9 | AFTER SEEING YOU THE OTHER NIGHT |
| 10 | I KNEW IF I DIDN'T TELL YOU |
| 11 | I'D REGRET IT FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. |
| 12 | LETTING YOU GO WAS THE STUPIDEST THING |
| 13 | I EVER DID. |
| 14 | YOU KNOW, YOU'RE REALLY NOT SUPPOSED TO BE BACK HERE. |
| 15 | UH, WELL, YOU KNOW, I'M SORRY. |
| 16 | I KNOW THIS IS THE WRONG TIME AND THE WRONG PLACE |
| 17 | BUT I HAD TO TELL YOU. |
| 18 | I WANT TO SPEND MY LIFE WITH YOU. |
| 19 | I WANT TO MARRY YOU. |
| 20 | I WANT TO HAVE KIDS WITH YOU. |
| 21 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 22 | WHY DON'T THEY PUT CHAIRS BACK HERE? |
| 23 | ( yelps ) |
| 24 | LOOK, I KNOW THIS IS CRAZY, BUT... AM I TOO LATE? |
| 25 | WELL, Y... |
| 26 | YES, YOU'RE TOO LATE. |
| 27 | I MEAN, WHERE WAS ALL THIS THREE YEARS AGO? |
| 28 | WELL, I KNOW, I WAS AN IDIOT... |
| 29 | AND I TRIED TO FORGET YOU. |
| 30 | I-I REALLY DID. |
| 31 | YOU KNOW, AFTER WE HAD LUNCH LAST YEAR |
| 32 | I SPENT SIX MONTHS IN AFRICA |
| 33 | TRYING TO GET YOU OUT OF MY HEAD. |
| 34 | WHAT WERE YOU DOING IN AFRICA? |
| 35 | WORKING WITH BLIND KIDS. |
| 36 | OH... WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME? |
| 37 | OH, LOOK... I'M SORRY, BUT, UM... IT'S... |
| 38 | THIS IS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. |
| 39 | OKAY, THAT'S FINE. |
| 40 | I'LL WALK AWAY, AND I'LL NEVER BOTHER YOU AGAIN |
| 41 | BUT ONLY... IF YOU TELL ME THAT CHANDLER'S WILLING |
| 42 | TO GIVE YOU EVERYTHING I AM. |
| 43 | WELL, HE IS. |
| 44 | YEAH, I MEAN... |
| 45 | MARRIAGE IS ALL HE TALKS ABOUT. |
| 46 | OH, MY GOODNESS. |
| 47 | IN FACT, I'M THE ONE THAT'S MAKING HIM WAIT. |
| 48 | YOU ARE? |
| 49 | YEAH. WHY? |
| 50 | WHY? |
| 51 | BECAUSE OF THE GOVERNMENT. |
| 52 | ♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪ |
| 53 | ♪ YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE ♪ |
| 54 | ♪ YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪ |
| 55 | ♪ IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR ♪ |
| 56 | ♪ WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY, YOUR WEEK ♪ |
| 57 | ♪ YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR ♪ |
| 58 | ♪ BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU ♪ |
| 59 | ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME, TOO. ♪ |
| 60 | ISN'T IT INCREDIBLE? |
| 61 | YEAH. |
| 62 | MONICA AND CHANDLER ARE GETTING MARRIED. |
| 63 | I KNOW. THEY'RE GOING TO BE SO HAPPY TOGETHER. |
| 64 | OH... I MEAN |
| 65 | TWO BEST FRIENDS FALLING IN LOVE-- |
| 66 | HOW OFTEN DOES THAT HAPPEN? |
| 67 | NOT THAT OFTEN. |
| 68 | NO. |
| 69 | I'M SO HAPPY FOR THEM. |
| 70 | ME, TOO-- |
| 71 | SO HAPPY FOR THEM. |
| 72 | I'M SO HAPPY AND NOT AT ALL JEALOUS. |
| 73 | OH, NO. |
| 74 | OH, GOD, DEFINITELY. |
| 75 | NOT JEALOUS. |
| 76 | MM-MMM. |
| 77 | ( chuckles ) |
| 78 | I MEAN, I'M PROBABLY 98% HAPPY |
| 79 | MAYBE TWO PERCENT JEALOUS... |
| 80 | AND, I MEAN, WHAT'S TWO PERCENT? |
| 81 | THAT'S NOTHING. |
| 82 | TOTALLY. |
| 83 | ( sighs ) |
| 84 | I'M LIKE 90%/10%. |
| 85 | YEAH, ME, TOO. |
| 86 | HEY, UH... |
| 87 | HAVE YOU GUYS SEEN CHANDLER? |
| 88 | WELL, NO, BUT YOU KNOW WHO DID STOP IN HERE |
| 89 | LOOKING FOR YOU? |
| 90 | UM, TENNILLE. |
| 91 | SO, THAT MARRIAGE STUFF |
| 92 | THAT YOU WERE SAYING YESTERDAY |
| 93 | YOU DON'T REALLY |
| 94 | BELIEVE THAT, DO YOU? |
| 95 | SURE, I DO. |
| 96 | IN FACT, I THINK |
| 97 | THE WHOLE CONCEPT OF MARRIAGE IS UNNATURAL. |
| 98 | I MEAN, LOOK AT PIGS. |
| 99 | LET'S TAKE A SECOND HERE AND LOOK AT PIGS. |
| 100 | OKAY, PIGS DON'T MATE FOR LIFE. |
| 101 | I MEAN, A PIG CAN HAVE, LIKE |
| 102 | A HUNDRED SEXUAL PARTNERS IN A LIFETIME |
| 103 | AND THAT'S JUST AN ORDINARY PIG |
| 104 | NOT EVEN A PIG THAT'S GOOD AT SPORTS. |
| 105 | WAIT A MINUTE. |
| 106 | ARE YOU HONESTLY TELLING ME |
| 107 | THAT-THAT YOU MAY NEVER WANT TO GET MARRIED? |
| 108 | WELL, NEVER SAY NEVER, BUT, YOU KNOW, PROBABLY, UM... |
| 109 | YEAH, NEVER. |
| 110 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 111 | TH-TH-THEN, WHAT ARE WE EVEN DOING? |
| 112 | WHAT IS THIS? |
| 113 | WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHAT IS ALL THIS PRESSURE? |
| 114 | IS THIS SOME NEW KIND OF STRATEGY? |
| 115 | WHY DON'T YOU PUT DOWN YOUR COPY OF THE RULES, HUH, MAN-TRAP? |
| 116 | YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 117 | I GOT TO GO. |
| 118 | ( Monica sighs exasperatedly) |
| 119 | IT'S OKAY. |
| 120 | I GOT A PLAN. |
| 121 | WE'RE GOING TO FIND LOVE. |
| 122 | DEFINITELY. |
| 123 | YEAH, I'M PRETTY CONFIDENT ABOUT THAT. |
| 124 | THAT'S WHAT MAKES IT SO EASY |
| 125 | FOR ME TO BE 80% HAPPY FOR MONICA AND CHANDLER. |
| 126 | IT'D BE NICE TO HAVE A LITTLE GUARANTEE, THOUGH. |
| 127 | WHAT DO YOU MEAN? |
| 128 | WELL, YOU KNOW, SOME PEOPLE MAKE DEALS WITH A FRIEND |
| 129 | LIKE, IF NEITHER OF THEM ARE MARRIED |
| 130 | BY THE TIME THEY'RE 40, THEY MARRY EACH OTHER. |
| 131 | YOU MEAN A BACKUP? |
| 132 | YEAH, EXACTLY. |
| 133 | YEAH, YEAH, I'VE GOT THAT. |
| 134 | YOU DO? |
| 135 | MM-HMM. |
| 136 | WHO? |
| 137 | JOEY. |
| 138 | JOEY? |
| 139 | YEAH. |
| 140 | ARE YOU SERIOUS? |
| 141 | YEAH, I LOCKED HIM IN YEARS AGO. |
| 142 | WAIT, SO, IF NEITHER OF YOU ARE MARRIED |
| 143 | BY THE TIME YOU'RE 40 |
| 144 | YOU'RE GOING TO MARRY JOEY? |
| 145 | YEP, WE SHOOK ON IT. |
| 146 | YEAH... BUT BELIEVE ME |
| 147 | THAT IS NOT HOW HE WANTED TO SEAL THE DEAL. |
| 148 | OH. SERIOUSLY? |
| 149 | OH, YEAH. |
| 150 | I THINK HIS EXACT WORDS WERE... |
| 151 | ( clicks tongue/kisses/growls) |
| 152 | CHARMING. |
| 153 | AH, HE'S JUST A BACKUP. |
| 154 | YEAH. |
| 155 | ( chuckles ) |
| 156 | HEY, MONICA. |
| 157 | HAVE YOU SEEN RACHEL... OR A MIRROR? |
| 158 | THIS IS FOR MY BOAT. |
| 159 | PRETTY COOL, HUH? |
| 160 | YEAH, IT'S GREAT. |
| 161 | WHOA, WHOA, WHAT'S THE MATTER? |
| 162 | TALK TO THE CAPTAIN. |
| 163 | I'M JUST HAVING ONE OF THOSE DAYS |
| 164 | WHERE YOU REALIZE YOU'RE IN A DEAD-END RELATIONSHIP. |
| 165 | CHANDLER GIVING YOU A HARD TIME, HUH? |
| 166 | IT'S NOT LIKE I WANT TO GET MARRIED TOMORROW. |
| 167 | IT'S JUST I'D LIKE TO BELIEVE |
| 168 | THAT I'M IN A RELATIONSHIP THAT'S GOING SOMEWHERE |
| 169 | THAT I'M NOT JUST WASTING MY TIME. |
| 170 | WELL, YOU KNOW CHANDLER. |
| 171 | NO, I DON'T KNOW CHANDLER... |
| 172 | NOT ANYMORE. |
| 173 | IT'S LIKE... |
| 174 | IT'S LIKE SOMETHING'S CHANGED. |
| 175 | MAYBE YOU CHANGED. |
| 176 | I DIDN'T CHANGE. |
| 177 | MAYBE THAT'S THE PROBLEM. |
| 178 | WHAT? |
| 179 | CHANDLER IS A COMPLEX FELLOW |
| 180 | ONE WHO IS UNLIKELY TO TAKE A WIFE. |
| 181 | WELL, WHAT DOES HE THINK? |
| 182 | DOES HE THINK I'M JUST GOING TO WAIT AROUND FOR NOTHING? |
| 183 | MONICA, FACE IT, CHANDLER IS AGAINST MARRIAGE |
| 184 | AN-AND ALWAYS WILL BE. |
| 185 | YEAH, WELL, THERE'S SOME PEOPLE |
| 186 | WHO DO WANT TO MARRY ME. |
| 187 | THERE ARE? |
| 188 | YEAH-- RICHARD. |
| 189 | RI-RI-RICHARD SAID HE WANTS TO MARRY YOU? |
| 190 | MM-HMM. |
| 191 | CHANDLER'S TELLING YOU HOW MUCH HE HATES MARRIAGE? |
| 192 | THAT'S RIGHT. |
| 193 | CHANDLER LOVES MARRIAGE! |
| 194 | YOU JUST TOLD ME THAT HE HATES MARRIAGE |
| 195 | TH-THAT HE'S A... A COMPLEX FELLOW WHO'S UNLIKELY TO TAKE A WIFE |
| 196 | TH-THAT HE'S AGAINST MARRIAGE |
| 197 | AND ALWAYS WILL BE. |
| 198 | YOU GOT THAT FROM WHAT I SAID? |
| 199 | RACH? |
| 200 | HEY, YOU. |
| 201 | HEY. |
| 202 | COME ON IN. OH, THANK YOU. |
| 203 | HEY, YOU KNOW, I'M SO SORRY TO HEAR ABOUT YOU AND ELIZABETH. |
| 204 | OH, THANKS. |
| 205 | YEAH, I REALLY THOUGHT |
| 206 | WE'D BE ABLE TO MAKE IT WORK |
| 207 | BUT, UH... I GUESS IT JUST WASN'T MEANT TO BE. |
| 208 | YEAH. |
| 209 | LOVE... |
| 210 | IT'S A TRICKY BUSINESS, ISN'T IT? |
| 211 | I GUESS SO. |
| 212 | SO, WHAT DO YOU SAY WE MAKE A PACT-- |
| 213 | IF YOU AND I ARE BOTH SINGLE BY THE TIME WE'RE 40 |
| 214 | WE GET MARRIED. |
| 215 | I MEAN, WE KNOW EACH OTHER, WE LIKE EACH OTHER... |
| 216 | I MEAN, WE'VE ALREADY SLEPT TOGETHER. |
| 217 | SO, YOU KNOW, THERE'LL BE NO SURPRISES THERE. |
| 218 | YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? |
| 219 | NO, LIKE, WHAT'S THAT? |
| 220 | ( laughing ) |
| 221 | SO, WHAT DO YOU THINK? |
| 222 | OH, YOU... YOU WANT ME TO BE YOUR BACKUP? |
| 223 | EXACTLY. |
| 224 | OH, YEAH... I ALREADY HAVE ONE. |
| 225 | WHAT? WHO? |
| 226 | PHOEBE. |
| 227 | PHOEBE? |
| 228 | WAIT A MINUTE. |
| 229 | BUT SHE... BUT SHE JUST... |
| 230 | SHE SAID JOEY IS HER BACKUP. |
| 231 | ( laughing ): OH, I DON'T THINK SO. |
| 232 | ROSS, I JUST HAD A CONVERSATION WITH HER |
| 233 | AND SHE SAID THAT SHE AND JOEY MADE A DEAL. |
| 234 | THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE. |
| 235 | I MEAN, WE HAVE HAD A DEAL FOR YEARS. |
| 236 | WE-WE-WE SHOOK ON IT... |
| 237 | ALTHOUGH, BELIEVE ME, SHE WANTED TO DO A LOT MORE THAN THAT. |
| 238 | WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN?! |
| 239 | I WAS MAKING A COCONUT PHONE WITH THE PROFESSOR. |
| 240 | ( stammering ) |
| 241 | RICHARD TOLD MONICA HE WANTS TO MARRY HER. |
| 242 | WHAT? YEAH, YEAH. |
| 243 | I'VE BEEN TRYING TO FIND YOU |
| 244 | TO TELL YOU STOP MESSING WITH HER |
| 245 | AND MAYBE I WOULD HAVE |
| 246 | IF THESE DAMN BOAT SHOES WOULDN'T KEEP FLYING OFF! |
| 247 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 248 | I KNOW, THEY SUCK! |
| 249 | HE'S NOT SUPPOSED TO ASK MY GIRLFRIEND TO MARRY HIM. |
| 250 | I'M SUPPOSED TO DO THAT. |
| 251 | I KNOW! |
| 252 | WELL, WHAT... |
| 253 | YOU KNOW WHAT I'M GOING TO DO? |
| 254 | I'M GOING TO GO OVER THERE, I'M GOING TO KICK HIS ASS! |
| 255 | WILL YOU HELP ME? |
| 256 | LOOK, CHANDLER, I DON'T THINK US GETTING OUR ASSES KICKED |
| 257 | IS A SOLUTION, OKAY? |
| 258 | JUST GO AND FIND MONICA. |
| 259 | YOU'RE RIGHT. OKAY. YEAH. |
| 260 | I'M GOING TO GET THE RING. |
| 261 | I'M GOING TO GET THE RING. |
| 262 | I'M GOING TO GO FIND HER |
| 263 | AND I'M JUST GOING TO PROPOSE. |
| 264 | OKAY. OKAY, GO GET HER. |
| 265 | DUDE, DUDE, DUDE. |
| 266 | HUH? |
| 267 | LET ME KNOW |
| 268 | ABOUT THAT COCONUT PHONE. |
| 269 | IT MIGHT BE GOOD FOR THE BOAT. |
| 270 | ( knocking ) |
| 271 | HI. |
| 272 | HI. |
| 273 | I DON'T WHY I'M HERE. |
| 274 | I DIDN'T ASK. |
| 275 | YOU WANT TO COME IN? |
| 276 | I DON'T KNOW. |
| 277 | OH, OKAY. |
| 278 | WELL, I'LL JUST LEAVE THE DOOR OPEN |
| 279 | AND GO SIT ON THE COUCH. |
| 280 | CHANDLER IS SUCH AN IDIOT. |
| 281 | DRINK? |
| 282 | YEAH. I'LL HAVE A SCOTCH ON THE... |
| 283 | ROCKS WITH A TWIST? |
| 284 | I REMEMBER. |
| 285 | YOU START SMOKING CIGARS? |
| 286 | UH... |
| 287 | NO, NO. THAT'S ART. |
| 288 | IF IT BOTHERS YOU, I CAN PUT MY ART OUT. |
| 289 | NO, THAT'S OKAY. |
| 290 | SO, MONICA... |
| 291 | LET ME ASK YOU A QUESTION. |
| 292 | YOU KNOW, SINCE WE BROKE UP |
| 293 | DO YOU EVER... THINK ABOUT ME? |
| 294 | YEAH, ACTUALLY, I THOUGHT ABOUT YOU A COUPLE MONTHS AGO. |
| 295 | OH, REALLY? |
| 296 | YEAH, BUT IT'S 'CAUSE |
| 297 | I HAD AN EYE EXAM |
| 298 | AND I DON'T LIKE MY NEW EYE DOCTOR. |
| 299 | WHO IS IT? |
| 300 | EDWARD NEVSKY. |
| 301 | YEAH, HE'S NO GOOD. |
| 302 | DO YOU EVER THINK ABOUT ME IN A... NON-EYE-DOCTOR WAY? |
| 303 | NO. |
| 304 | AH. |
| 305 | BECAUSE GETTING OVER YOU |
| 306 | IS THE HARDEST THING THAT I'VE EVER HAD TO DO |
| 307 | AND I NEVER LET MYSELF THINK ABOUT YOU. |
| 308 | ( no audio ) |
| 309 | PHOEBE, YOU PICKED JOEY AND ROSS? |
| 310 | YOU CANNOT HAVE TWO BACKUPS! |
| 311 | OF COURSE I CAN. |
| 312 | IT'S JUST GOOD SENSE TO BACK UP YOUR BACKUP. |
| 313 | LOOK, I'VE ALREADY LOST CHANDLER. |
| 314 | WHAT? |
| 315 | HEY, PHOEBE |
| 316 | WE'RE BOTH YOUR BACKUP? |
| 317 | PHOEBE, HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME? |
| 318 | I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE COMPLAINING ABOUT NOW. |
| 319 | YOU WERE BOTH AWARE OF THE SITUATION. |
| 320 | NO, WE WEREN'T. I WAS NOT! |
| 321 | OKAY, THIS KIND OF BACK TALK IS NOT GOING TO FLY |
| 322 | WHEN WE'RE MARRIED. |
| 323 | PHOEBE, YOU CAN'T HAVE BOTH OF THEM. |
| 324 | YOU HAVE TO PICK ONE. |
| 325 | PICK ME! |
| 326 | NO, PICK ME! |
| 327 | I DON'T WANT TO END UP AN OLD MAID. |
| 328 | ALL RIGHT. WELL, LET'S SEE. |
| 329 | ROSS IS A GOOD FATHER, BUT JOEY HAS A BOAT. |
| 330 | THIS IS HARD. |
| 331 | THIS IS CRAZY. |
| 332 | LOOK, I WANT TO SWITCH TO RACHEL. |
| 333 | OOH, I WANT TO SWITCH TO RACHEL, TOO. |
| 334 | NO, JUST WAIT! |
| 335 | YOU GUYS |
| 336 | WAIT, GUYS. |
| 337 | DON'T MAKE ANY RASH DECISIONS, OKAY? |
| 338 | JUST REMEMBER MY PROMISE: |
| 339 | IF WE GET MARRIED, THREE TIMES A WEEK. |
| 340 | OH, GOD, PHOEBE. |
| 341 | I'M TALKING ABOUT MASSAGES. |
| 342 | OH, ALL RIGHT. |
| 343 | ( no audio ) |
| 344 | ALL RIGHT, YOU KNOW WHAT? |
| 345 | I KNOW HOW TO SETTLE THIS. |
| 346 | ALL RIGHT, THIS IS WHAT WE'RE GOING TO DO. |
| 347 | I'M GOING TO WRITE "JOEY" ON ONE NAPKIN |
| 348 | AND I'M GOING TO WRITE "ROSS" ON THE OTHER NAPKIN |
| 349 | AND WE ARE GOING TO PICK ONE |
| 350 | AND THAT PERSON IS GOING TO BE OUR BACKUP, OKAY? |
| 351 | HERE WE GO. |
| 352 | THAT SOUNDS FAIR. FINE. |
| 353 | GOOD. |
| 354 | WOO-OO! |
| 355 | PICK ONE. |
| 356 | LEFT. |
| 357 | THANK YOU. |
| 358 | YOU'RE WELCOME. |
| 359 | "ROSS." |
| 360 | "JOEY." |
| 361 | HMM. |
| 362 | WE SHOULD JUST SWITCH. |
| 363 | YEAH, ABSOLUTELY. |
| 364 | I MISS THIS APARTMENT. |
| 365 | NOW, THIS IS A GROWN-UP'S APARTMENT. |
| 366 | I SHOULD BE WITH A GROWN-UP. |
| 367 | DO YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? |
| 368 | YEAH. YOU'RE SAYING YOU NEED TO BE WITH SOMEONE MORE MATURE. |
| 369 | MAYBE SOMEONE WITH |
| 370 | A LICENSE TO PRACTICE MEDICINE... |
| 371 | OR A MUSTACHE. |
| 372 | YOU KNOW, LET'S FACE IT. |
| 373 | I'M NOT A KID ANYMORE. |
| 374 | I NEED TO BE WITH SOMEONE |
| 375 | WHO WANTS THE SAME THINGS THAT I DO. |
| 376 | COMING TO MY PLACE OF WORK |
| 377 | AND TELLING ME THAT YOU LOVE ME-- |
| 378 | I WANT THAT! |
| 379 | TALKING ABOUT PIG SEX OVER LUNCH-- |
| 380 | I DON'T WANT THAT! |
| 381 | I THINK THAT'S FAIR. |
| 382 | "FAIR"? PLEASE, DON'T EVEN TALK TO ME ABOUT FAIR. |
| 383 | FAIR WOULD HAVE BEEN |
| 384 | YOU WANTING TO MARRY ME BACK THEN. |
| 385 | OR FAIR WOULD BE CHANDLER WANTING |
| 386 | TO MARRY ME NOW. |
| 387 | BELIEVE ME, NOTHING ABOUT THIS IS FAIR. |
| 388 | NOTHING, NOTHING |
| 389 | NOTHING. NOTHING, NOTHING, NOTHING, NOTHING, NOTHING! |
| 390 | IT'S OKAY. SHH, SHH. HEY, HEY, SHH. |
| 391 | NOTHING. |
| 392 | I DON'T KNOW. |
| 393 | I DON'T KNOW. UM... |
| 394 | I KNOW. |
| 395 | I-I... |
| 396 | I HAVE TO FIGURE SOME, YOU KNOW, SOME STUFF |
| 397 | BEFORE I CAN... |
| 398 | YEAH, I UNDERSTAND. |
| 399 | TAKE AS MUCH TIME AS YOU WANT. |
| 400 | TEN, EVEN 20 MINUTES IF YOU NEED IT. |
| 401 | I'LL BE HERE... |
| 402 | NOT SMOKING. |
| 403 | ( knocking ) |
| 404 | CHANDLER. |
| 405 | WHERE IS SHE? |
| 406 | I'M NOT SCARED OF YOU. |
| 407 | SHE'S NOT HERE AND PLEASE COME IN. |
| 408 | SCOTCH ON THE ROCKS, WITH A TWIST... |
| 409 | ON A COASTER-- |
| 410 | ( chuckles ) |
| 411 | MONICA? MONICA? |
| 412 | OKAY, SHE WAS HERE, BUT SHE LEFT. |
| 413 | WHERE DID SHE GO? |
| 414 | WELL, SHE SAID SHE HAD TO THINK THINGS OVER. |
| 415 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 416 | I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS, YOU KNOW? |
| 417 | I THOUGHT... I THOUGHT YOU WERE A GOOD GUY. |
| 418 | OH, HEY, LOOK, NOTHING HAPPENED. |
| 419 | NOTHING HAPPENED? NOTHING? |
| 420 | SO YOU DIDN'T TELL MY GIRLFRIEND THAT YOU LOVE HER? |
| 421 | WELL, ALL RIGHT, ONE THING HAPPENED. |
| 422 | YOU KNOW, I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS. |
| 423 | YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID? |
| 424 | MY GIRLFRIEND IS OUT THERE THINKING THINGS OVER. |
| 425 | YOU MADE MY GIRLFRIEND THINK! |
| 426 | WELL, I'M SORRY. |
| 427 | WHAT DOES SHE HAVE TO THINK ABOUT? |
| 428 | I LOVE HER. |
| 429 | WELL, APPARENTLY I'M WILLING TO OFFER HER THINGS |
| 430 | THAT YOU ARE NOT. |
| 431 | BUT I AM WILLING TO OFFER HER ALL THOSE THINGS. |
| 432 | THIS WAS JUST A PLAN, YOU KNOW? |
| 433 | A WAY TO THROW HER OFF COURSE |
| 434 | SO THAT WHEN I OFFERED HER ALL THESE THINGS |
| 435 | SHE'D BE SURPRISED. |
| 436 | WELL, IF IT HELPS, IT WORKED VERY WELL. |
| 437 | WELL, IT WAS WORKING UNTIL YOU SHOWED UP |
| 438 | YOU BIG TREE. |
| 439 | I MEAN, THIS ISN'T FAIR. |
| 440 | YOU HAD YOUR CHANCE WITH HER. |
| 441 | YOU HAD YOUR CHANCE AND YOU BLEW IT! |
| 442 | AND THIS IS MY CHANCE AND I'M NOT GOING TO BLOW IT |
| 443 | BECAUSE WE ARE MEANT FOR EACH OTHER. |
| 444 | AND THIS HAS ALL JUST BEEN ONE STUPID MISTAKE. |
| 445 | I WAS GOING TO PROPOSE TONIGHT. |
| 446 | YOU WERE GOING TO PROPOSE? |
| 447 | YEAH, I EVEN... GOT A RING. |
| 448 | DID YOU GET A RING? |
| 449 | NO, I DON'T HAVE A RING. |
| 450 | YOU GO GET HER, CHANDLER. |
| 451 | AND CAN I GIVE YOU A PIECE OF ADVICE? |
| 452 | IF YOU DO GET HER... |
| 453 | DON'T LET HER GO. |
| 454 | TRUST ME. |
| 455 | YOU KNOW, RICHARD... |
| 456 | YOU ARE A GOOD GUY. |
| 457 | I KNOW. |
| 458 | I HATE THAT. |
| 459 | DUDE... |
| 460 | I CAN'T TALK TO YOU NOW. I GOT TO FIND MONICA. |
| 461 | SHE'S GONE. |
| 462 | WHAT? |
| 463 | SHE HAD A BAG AND SHE LEFT. |
| 464 | WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? |
| 465 | SHE WAS ALL CRYING. |
| 466 | SHE SAID YOU GUYS WANT DIFFERENT THINGS |
| 467 | AND THAT SHE NEEDED TIME TO THINK. |
| 468 | WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL HER IT WAS A PLAN? |
| 469 | I DID. I TOLD HER EVERYTHING, CHANDLER |
| 470 | BUT SHE WOULDN'T BELIEVE ME. |
| 471 | WELL, WHERE...? |
| 472 | WHERE DID SHE GO? |
| 473 | TO HER PARENTS, I THINK |
| 474 | AND SHE SAID THAT YOU SHOULDN'T CALL HER |
| 475 | BUT IF I WERE YOU, I WOULD. |
| 476 | I CAN'T BELIEVE I RUINED THIS. |
| 477 | I AM SO SORRY, MAN. |
| 478 | DAMN. |
| 479 | YOU WANTED IT TO BE A SURPRISE. |
| 480 | OH, MY GOD. |
| 481 | CHANDLER, IN ALL MY LIFE |
| 482 | I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD BE SO LUCKY... |
| 483 | ( voice breaking ): AS TO FALL IN LOVE WITH MY BEST... |
| 484 | MY BEST... |
| 485 | THERE'S A REASON WHY GIRLS DON'T DO THIS! |
| 486 | OKAY, OKAY. |
| 487 | I'LL DO IT. |
| 488 | I THOUGHT... |
| 489 | I CAN DO THIS. |
| 490 | ( chuckles ) |
| 491 | I THOUGHT THAT IT MATTERED WHAT I SAID |
| 492 | OR WHERE I SAID IT. |
| 493 | THEN I REALIZED |
| 494 | THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERS IS THAT YOU... |
| 495 | YOU MAKE ME HAPPIER |
| 496 | THAN I EVER THOUGHT I COULD BE. |
| 497 | AND IF YOU LET ME |
| 498 | I WILL SPEND THE REST OF MY LIFE |
| 499 | TRYING TO MAKE YOU FEEL THE SAME WAY. |
| 500 | ( chuckles ) |
| 501 | MONICA... |
| 502 | WILL YOU MARRY ME? |
| 503 | YES. |
| 504 | I KNEW YOU WERE LIKELY TO TAKE A WIFE! |
| 505 | Joey: CAN WE COME IN YET?! |
| 506 | WE'RE DYING OUT HERE! |
| 507 | COME IN! COME IN! |
| 508 | WE'RE ENGAGED! |
| 509 | ( all cheering ) |
| 510 | OH, THIS IS THE LEAST JEALOUS I'VE EVER BEEN! |
| 511 | OH, NO, WAIT! NO! THIS IS WRONG! |
| 512 | ROSS ISN'T HERE! |
| 513 | OH. OH. |
| 514 | OH, HELL, HE'S DONE THIS THREE TIMES! |
| 515 | HE KNOWS WHAT IT'S ABOUT! |
| 516 | YEAH! YEAH! |
| 517 | COME ON, BABY! |
| 518 | HEY, HEY, HEY! |
| 519 | Captioned by The Caption Center WGBH Educational Foundation] |
| 520 | |
| 1 | Hey, what's going on? |
| 2 | I found a note on my door: "Come to Monica's quick. |
| 3 | Bring champagne and a 3 Musketeers Bar." |
| 4 | Yeah, I'll take that. |
| 5 | What's up? |
| 6 | Monica and I are engaged. |
| 7 | Oh, my God. |
| 8 | Congratulations. Thanks. |
| 9 | Where is she? |
| 10 | I'm engaged! |
| 11 | I'm engaged! |
| 12 | Yeah. She's been out there 20 minutes. |
| 13 | I'm surprised you didn't hear her on the way over. |
| 14 | I thought it was just a kid yelling |
| 15 | "I'm gay! I'm gay!" |
| 16 | Can I bring her in? |
| 17 | No, no. Let her stay out there. |
| 18 | It's sweet. |
| 19 | I'm getting married! |
| 20 | I'm going to be a bride! |
| 21 | Man: Shut up! |
| 22 | No, I will not shut up because I'm engaged! |
| 23 | Man: Just shut up! |
| 24 | Oh, big talk, huh? |
| 25 | Why don't you come over here and say that to me, huh, buddy? |
| 26 | Yeah, my fiancé will kick your ass! |
| 27 | Come on! Apartment 20! |
| 28 | Apartment 20! |
| 29 | Okay, you get her in here. |
| 30 | You bolt the door. I'll be in the closet. |
| 31 | ♪ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ♪ |
| 32 | ♪ Your job's a joke, you're broke ♪ |
| 33 | ♪ Your love life's D.O.A. ♪ |
| 34 | ♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪ |
| 35 | ♪ When it hasn't been your day, your week ♪ |
| 36 | ♪ Your month, or even your year ♪ |
| 37 | ♪ But I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 38 | ♪ 'Cause you're there for me, too. ♪ |
| 39 | Okay, wait, wait, wait. Okay. Shh! Okay. |
| 40 | Um... I just want to say that |
| 41 | I love you guys so... so much |
| 42 | and... and thank you for being here |
| 43 | on my special night. |
| 44 | ( clears throat ) |
| 45 | Our special night. |
| 46 | I mean, it just |
| 47 | wouldn't be my night... |
| 48 | our... our night |
| 49 | if you all weren't here to celebrate with me. |
| 50 | Us. Damn it! |
| 51 | It's okay. I want this to be your night, too. |
| 52 | To Monica. |
| 53 | No, come on. |
| 54 | Will you stop it? |
| 55 | Okay. To Monica! |
| 56 | All: To Monica! |
| 57 | So have you decided on a band for the wedding? |
| 58 | 'Cause, you know, I'm kind of musical. |
| 59 | Pheebs, honey, she just got engaged a couple of hours ago. |
| 60 | I doubt she's even had time to think about... |
| 61 | Speaking of chiming in, remember the time |
| 62 | you burned down my apartment? |
| 63 | Yeah, you're on your own. |
| 64 | You know what we should do? We should all get dressed up |
| 65 | and go to have champagne at the Plaza. |
| 66 | Oh, okay. Yeah! |
| 67 | But I can't stay too long. |
| 68 | I got to get up early for a commercial audition tomorrow |
| 69 | and I got to look good. |
| 70 | I'm supposed to be playing a 19-year-old. |
| 71 | What? |
| 72 | So when you said, "Get up early" |
| 73 | did you mean 1986? |
| 74 | You guys don't think I look 19? |
| 75 | Oh, 19. |
| 76 | We thought you said 90. |
| 77 | Right. Yes. |
| 78 | Okay, everybody, let's go, let's go! |
| 79 | Okay. |
| 80 | Hey, is the rest of my candy bar around here? |
| 81 | Oh, honey, no. You ate it all. |
| 82 | Oh, I was afraid of that. |
| 83 | Hmm. |
| 84 | You know what shoes would look great with this ring? |
| 85 | Diamond shoes. |
| 86 | You're not getting dressed? |
| 87 | Know what I mean? |
| 88 | Yeah, but I don't think we have time. |
| 89 | There's going to be a wedding. |
| 90 | You're going to be the bride. |
| 91 | 200 people are going to be looking at you |
| 92 | in a clean, white dress. |
| 93 | Let's do it. |
| 94 | Chandler, it happens to lots of guys. |
| 95 | You-you... you were probably tired. |
| 96 | You had a lot of champagne. Don't worry about it. |
| 97 | I'm not worried. |
| 98 | I'm, uh... I'm fascinated. |
| 99 | You know, it's, uh... it's like biology |
| 100 | which is funny because, in high school, I, uh... |
| 101 | I... I failed Biology, and tonight, biology failed me. |
| 102 | Check it out. Okay, I could play this |
| 103 | while the guests are coming in. Okay... |
| 104 | ♪ First time I met Chandler, I thought he was gay ♪ |
| 105 | ♪ But here I am singing ♪ |
| 106 | ♪ On his wedding day... ♪ |
| 107 | Phoebe! |
| 108 | If you would have let me finish |
| 109 | it goes on to say that he's probably not gay. |
| 110 | Sure, you guys don't have this problem. |
| 111 | You're made of wood. |
| 112 | Hey. You look great. |
| 113 | Oh, thanks. |
| 114 | You okay over there? |
| 115 | I don't know, you know? |
| 116 | I feel a little, um... |
| 117 | No, you know what? Never mind. |
| 118 | I'm going to be fine. |
| 119 | Oh, don't worry about it. I mean, you were probably tired. |
| 120 | You'd had a lot of champagne. |
| 121 | It happens to everybody. |
| 122 | Hey. Hi. |
| 123 | Wow. Happy Monica's night! |
| 124 | Well, thank you. |
| 125 | You, too. Thanks. |
| 126 | Can you believe this? |
| 127 | Can you believe they are actually getting married? |
| 128 | Well, sure, but I get married all the time, so... |
| 129 | Oh... |
| 130 | You okay? |
| 131 | Yeah, I guess. |
| 132 | I-I... |
| 133 | I mean, you... Do you think we're ever going to have that? |
| 134 | You mean "we," you and me? |
| 135 | Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. |
| 136 | "We"-- you with someone and me with someone. |
| 137 | Oh, good. You scared me a minute. |
| 138 | I know. Shake it off. |
| 139 | I mean, no... It's just... It's just 'cause you and I |
| 140 | we were, you know... like a nightmare... |
| 141 | ( screams ) |
| 142 | No, but there were some good times. |
| 143 | No, absolutely, you know? |
| 144 | Like, there was, um... |
| 145 | Surely you can think of something good. |
| 146 | Yeah, just give me a minute. |
| 147 | Oh, well, yes. |
| 148 | I can think of one good thing. |
| 149 | What? |
| 150 | Well, you, um... You were always really good at the, um... |
| 151 | at the, uh... stuff. |
| 152 | Yeah? I was... |
| 153 | I was good at the stuff, huh? |
| 154 | Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yep. |
| 155 | Yeah, and I really liked your hands. |
| 156 | My hands? |
| 157 | Yeah. |
| 158 | Yeah? |
| 159 | ( chuckling ): Uh-huh. |
| 160 | Way to go, guys. |
| 161 | You know, you... you were really good at the stuff, too. |
| 162 | Oh, I know. |
| 163 | Hey, you know what we never did? |
| 164 | Oh, no, not that. |
| 165 | Uh... we never... we never had a bonus night. |
| 166 | A what? You know, a bonus night. |
| 167 | You know, when two people break up |
| 168 | but then they get back together |
| 169 | just for one night. |
| 170 | One night, just... just sex? |
| 171 | No strings attached? |
| 172 | Yeah, yeah, we never had that. |
| 173 | No. |
| 174 | No. |
| 175 | Okay, this is getting a little crazy. |
| 176 | So, uh... I mean, I'm... |
| 177 | I'm sure it would be amazing |
| 178 | but I got to say, I really, really don't think |
| 179 | it would be a good idea, you know? |
| 180 | I really... |
| 181 | really... |
| 182 | don't. |
| 183 | ( video game sounds and music) |
| 184 | S'up? |
| 185 | S'up, dude? |
| 186 | Take whatever you want. |
| 187 | Just please don't hurt me. |
| 188 | So, you're playin' a little PlayStation, huh? |
| 189 | That's wack. |
| 190 | PlayStation is wack. |
| 191 | S'up with the wack PlayStation, s'up? |
| 192 | Huh? |
| 193 | Come on. |
| 194 | Am I 19, or what? |
| 195 | Yes. On a scale from one to ten-- |
| 196 | ten being the dumbest a person can look-- |
| 197 | you are definitely 19. |
| 198 | Come on, man, really. How old? |
| 199 | Young. You're a man-child, okay? |
| 200 | Now go get changed because everybody's ready |
| 201 | and please, oh, please, keep my underwear. |
| 202 | Well, thanks. |
| 203 | Okay. |
| 204 | Joe? |
| 205 | Yeah? |
| 206 | Uh... |
| 207 | you've had a lot of sex, right? |
| 208 | When? Today? |
| 209 | Some. Not a lot. |
| 210 | Well, it's just the reason I'm asking |
| 211 | is because I had kind of a... uh... |
| 212 | I... I was unable to... |
| 213 | I mean, I really wanted to, but I couldn't... |
| 214 | There... huh, hmm... |
| 215 | There was-there was an incident. |
| 216 | Don't worry about that, man. |
| 217 | That happens. |
| 218 | It's happened to you? |
| 219 | Yeah. Once. |
| 220 | Well, what'd you do? |
| 221 | I did it anyway. |
| 222 | Phoebe, come on! Let's go! |
| 223 | Come on! |
| 224 | Why aren't you dressed yet? |
| 225 | I'm sorry, but I just wrote |
| 226 | the best dance song for your wedding. |
| 227 | Check this out. You know what, Pheebs? |
| 228 | I'll tell you what. If you get ready now |
| 229 | I'll let you play it at the wedding. |
| 230 | Really? Yes. |
| 231 | Oh, that's so exciting! |
| 232 | Thank you. Thanks, Mon. |
| 233 | Oh, but, Mon |
| 234 | if you touch my guitar again |
| 235 | I'm going to have to pound on you a little bit. |
| 236 | Fair enough. Now go get ready. Okay. |
| 237 | I'll get everybody else. Finally, we can start celebrating my... |
| 238 | ( gasps ) |
| 239 | I'm sorry. Apparently I've opened the door to the past. |
| 240 | Okay, uh, Monica, Mon... |
| 241 | Okay, what-what you just saw... |
| 242 | Can I ask you just a little question, huh? |
| 243 | Why tonight? |
| 244 | What? See, I've been waiting my whole life to be engaged |
| 245 | and unlike some people, I'm only planning |
| 246 | on doing this once. |
| 247 | So, uh, you know, maybe this is selfish and I'm-I'm sorry about it |
| 248 | but I-I-I was kind of hoping |
| 249 | tonight could just be about that. |
| 250 | Oh, honey, but it is. It is. |
| 251 | No, it's not. Now it's about |
| 252 | you and Ross getting back together. |
| 253 | Rachel: What? See, yeah-- |
| 254 | you kind of stole my thunder. |
| 255 | Okay, ho-ho, we did not steal your thunder |
| 256 | because we are not getting back together. |
| 257 | Yeah-- no, and-and you know what? |
| 258 | Nobody even saw. |
| 259 | Yeah. |
| 260 | That's true. |
| 261 | Honey, I swear, we just kissed. |
| 262 | Ross: It was just a kiss. |
| 263 | You guys kissed?! |
| 264 | What does this mean?! |
| 265 | Are you-are you getting back together?! |
| 266 | Can I sing at your wedding? |
| 267 | Huh. Thunder being stolen! |
| 268 | Phoebe, it's nothing. Monica, come on. |
| 269 | Look, let's not make a big deal out of this. |
| 270 | It was a one- time thing. |
| 271 | It doesn't even matter. |
| 272 | Oh, my God. |
| 273 | I cannot believe you guys are talking about this. |
| 274 | The problems in the bedroom |
| 275 | are between a man and a woman! |
| 276 | All right? Now, Chandler is doing the best he can! |
| 277 | I don't think that's what |
| 278 | they were talking about, Joe! |
| 279 | What a great night. |
| 280 | Chandler can't do it. |
| 281 | These guys kissed. |
| 282 | What? What? You guys kissed? |
| 283 | Oh, this is huge. |
| 284 | No, no. It's really not huge. |
| 285 | And people thinking it's huge has led Monica |
| 286 | to believe that we are stealing her thunder which we are not. |
| 287 | Well, we're still talking about it, aren't we? |
| 288 | Well, yeah, that and Chandler's problem. |
| 289 | All right, all right. |
| 290 | Monica, Monica, Monica, listen, listen, listen. |
| 291 | Would it make you feel better |
| 292 | if we all stopped talking about Ross and Rachel? |
| 293 | Yeah, that would be lovely. |
| 294 | You got it. Okay. Now-- |
| 295 | I can pass for 19, right? |
| 296 | Yes, you can pass for 19. |
| 297 | Really? Yes. |
| 298 | Seriously. |
| 299 | Seriously? |
| 300 | Seriously, no, okay? |
| 301 | You can play your own age, which is 31. |
| 302 | ( gasps ) |
| 303 | I'm 30! |
| 304 | Joey, you are not; you're 31. |
| 305 | Aw, crap. |
| 306 | Okay, so the Plaza, okay? |
| 307 | We'll get us some mai tais. |
| 308 | Maybe no more for you, though. |
| 309 | You know what? I think that |
| 310 | I don't feel like going to the Plaza. |
| 311 | Why? Monica, this is ridiculous. |
| 312 | I-I don't want to talk about it. |
| 313 | I don't, I don't-- especially with you. |
| 314 | That is wack. |
| 315 | ( guitar playing repetitively) |
| 316 | Yeah? |
| 317 | Okay... I think I'll play it at the wedding. |
| 318 | Yeah. Well, |
| 319 | we'll see if they actually let you play, huh? |
| 320 | I mean, they tell you anything you want to hear |
| 321 | like, like, "You look 19" |
| 322 | and then they just take it away, like, like-- |
| 323 | "No, you don't." |
| 324 | Um, I don't think Monica's going to take this away. |
| 325 | Wouldn't she? |
| 326 | Would she? |
| 327 | Would she? |
| 328 | ( sniffing ) |
| 329 | ( gasping ) You ate my candy bar! |
| 330 | ( knocking ) |
| 331 | Guess who? |
| 332 | Hey. |
| 333 | Hey, I just realized |
| 334 | we kind of left some stuff up in the air. |
| 335 | What do you think Monica meant when she said |
| 336 | "I don't want to talk," especially with me? |
| 337 | I mean, why not especially you and me? |
| 338 | We were both out there kissing. |
| 339 | Still thinking about it, huh? |
| 340 | Come on, seriously, seriously-- what did she mean by that? |
| 341 | "Especially you." |
| 342 | Who cares? |
| 343 | I care. |
| 344 | And so do I. |
| 345 | You know what? |
| 346 | I-I have to go talk to her. |
| 347 | Will you let me just get changed? |
| 348 | Okay, sure. |
| 349 | Am I going to let you watch me undress? |
| 350 | No. |
| 351 | I can't believe her, you know? |
| 352 | It's-it's just, it's so typical. |
| 353 | Now, Monica, I know you're upset |
| 354 | but don't forget, there is going to be a wedding. |
| 355 | You are going to throw the bouquet |
| 356 | and then there's going to be a honeymoon... |
| 357 | maybe in Paris. |
| 358 | Paris? |
| 359 | We will take a moonlit walk |
| 360 | on the Rue de la Blehblehblehbloo. |
| 361 | Keep talking. |
| 362 | Then we will sprinkle rose petals |
| 363 | on the bed and make love |
| 364 | not just because it's romantic |
| 365 | but because I can. |
| 366 | I love you. |
| 367 | Bonjour, monsieur. |
| 368 | Okay, don't say anything. |
| 369 | You might scare it away. |
| 370 | ( knocking ) |
| 371 | It's Paris. Who knows we're here? |
| 372 | Hi, Pheebs. What's up? |
| 373 | Okay. You said I could sing at your wedding. |
| 374 | So, I'm just going to need a small deposit. |
| 375 | What? You know, just some |
| 376 | good-faith money to hold the date. |
| 377 | Pheebs, we're not giving you a deposit for our wedding. |
| 378 | Oh. I see. |
| 379 | They break your heart, don't they? |
| 380 | You know... |
| 381 | I don't really need their permission. |
| 382 | Yeah. If you want to sing at their wedding |
| 383 | well, you sing at their wedding. |
| 384 | And if you want to look 19, then you... |
| 385 | You got to do something about your eyes. |
| 386 | What? W-What's wrong with my eyes? |
| 387 | They give you away. There's just... |
| 388 | there's too much wisdom in there. |
| 389 | Just put some tea bags on them for, like, 15 minutes. |
| 390 | That'll get rid of my wisdom? |
| 391 | Maybe just ten minutes for you. |
| 392 | ( knocking on door ) |
| 393 | Oh, give her the deposit. |
| 394 | Give her the ring-- I don't care. |
| 395 | Yes? Monica... |
| 396 | what did you mean before when you said you didn't want |
| 397 | to talk to anyone, especially me? |
| 398 | What a great apology |
| 399 | and you accepted. Bye-bye. |
| 400 | No, no, seriously, seriously |
| 401 | what was the "especially me" part about? |
| 402 | Well, let's just say it's not the first time |
| 403 | you've stolen my thunder. |
| 404 | What? |
| 405 | Hey, here's a thought... |
| 406 | Monica, what are you talking about? |
| 407 | My sweet 16-- remember? |
| 408 | You went to third base with my cousin Charlie? |
| 409 | Ah, third base. |
| 410 | It's all everybody at the party could talk about. |
| 411 | Monica, you know what? The only reason I did that |
| 412 | is because your party was so boring! |
| 413 | ( gasps ) |
| 414 | We had a caricaturist! |
| 415 | Oh! |
| 416 | ♪ Whenever I get married, guess who won't be asked to sing ♪ |
| 417 | ♪ Somebody named Geller and somebody else named Bing! ♪ |
| 418 | Monica, your sweet 16 was, like, a million years ago. |
| 419 | And yet, here we are doing it again. |
| 420 | Oh, Monica, I don't want to steal your stupid thunder! |
| 421 | Please. Why else would you have made out with Ross? |
| 422 | Got me. |
| 423 | All right. Easy, Mimey. |
| 424 | The moment has passed. |
| 425 | It ain't going to happen. |
| 426 | I just thought it'd be nice if I could have just this one night. |
| 427 | I swear, I never wanted any part of your night. |
| 428 | No one was supposed to see us kissing. |
| 429 | Oh, is that why you did it in the secret hallway |
| 430 | where nobody ever goes? |
| 431 | Uh, Rachel, I've been thinking. |
| 432 | I don't think us getting together tonight |
| 433 | is such a good idea. |
| 434 | I'm calling it off. |
| 435 | Way to save your dignity, my man. |
| 436 | Monica, why, why, would I |
| 437 | ever want to take away from your night? |
| 438 | I don't know, I don't know. Maybe you're feeling a little resentful. |
| 439 | Maybe, uh... maybe you thought that you'd get married first. |
| 440 | Maybe you can't stand the fact |
| 441 | that your formerly fat friend |
| 442 | is getting married before you. |
| 443 | Oh, wow, that... |
| 444 | You know what? that is so unfair. |
| 445 | You know what? Now I want to steal your thunder. |
| 446 | Come on, Ross, let's go have sex. |
| 447 | ( scoffing ) |
| 448 | I can't believe you're |
| 449 | going to have sex on my engagement night! |
| 450 | Well, somebody should. |
| 451 | Look, uh... if we're going to do this... |
| 452 | We are not going to do this. |
| 453 | She's just going to think that we are. |
| 454 | I see, so everybody wins. |
| 455 | ( knocking on door ) Who is it? |
| 456 | It's Monica, open up. |
| 457 | Okay, wait-- Ross, stop it, please. |
| 458 | Wait a minute! |
| 459 | Ow! |
| 460 | Yeah, you like that, baby? |
| 461 | May we help you? |
| 462 | I just wanted to say that I hope you do have sex tonight |
| 463 | and I hope that you guys get back together |
| 464 | but I must warn you, the night that you |
| 465 | announce your engagement, I'm going to announce |
| 466 | that I'm pregnant. |
| 467 | How is that ever going to happen? |
| 468 | Monica, do you want to know |
| 469 | why I was with Ross tonight? |
| 470 | I know why! No, you don't know why! |
| 471 | Okay, why? |
| 472 | Because. Because I was sad. |
| 473 | What do you mean? |
| 474 | Look, I am so, |
| 475 | so happy for you guys |
| 476 | but you getting married |
| 477 | just reminds me of the fact that I'm not. |
| 478 | I'm not even close |
| 479 | and I don't know, maybe I just wanted |
| 480 | to make myself feel better |
| 481 | and I know that that's dumb but, oh, my God |
| 482 | you were so depressed when Ross got married |
| 483 | that you slept with Chandler. |
| 484 | I don't care-- she slept with me. |
| 485 | Anyway, sweetie, I-I'm so sorry I ruined your night. |
| 486 | I'm sorry I almost made you sleep with Ross. |
| 487 | Well, I'm going to take off. |
| 488 | Congratulations, man. |
| 489 | Thanks. |
| 490 | And, uh... Rachel. |
| 491 | Yeah? Ross: What can I say? |
| 492 | You missed your chance. |
| 493 | From now on, the only person |
| 494 | who's going to enjoy these bad boys... is me. |
| 495 | ♪ We thought Phoebe would leave ♪ |
| 496 | ♪ But she just stayed and stayed ♪ |
| 497 | ♪ That's right, I'm here all night ♪ |
| 498 | ♪ And Chandler will never get... ♪ |
| 499 | Hey! |
| 500 | Here is a dollar. |
| 501 | Consider it a deposit. |
| 502 | Please sing at our wedding. |
| 503 | Oh, thank you. |
| 504 | Okay... Thank you. |
| 505 | Oh, now... |
| 506 | ♪ Who will perform the ceremony? ♪ |
| 507 | ♪ Who will perform the ceremony? ♪ |
| 508 | Oh-oh-oh. |
| 509 | All right, I'll pound on him in the morning. |
| 510 | |
| 1 | Hey. Hi. |
| 2 | Who wants French toast? |
| 3 | Oh, I'll have some. Me, too. |
| 4 | Eggs and milk in the fridge. Thanks. |
| 5 | Ow! |
| 6 | What's the matter, honey? |
| 7 | My hand feels weird. |
| 8 | I guess it's because I'm engaged! |
| 9 | How long before |
| 10 | that starts getting annoying? |
| 11 | Starts? |
| 12 | So, let's actually get started on the wedding plans. |
| 13 | Okay. |
| 14 | Already? |
| 15 | Yeah, we got a lot to do. |
| 16 | We got to think about flowers, the caterers, the music. |
| 17 | I have thoughts on that. |
| 18 | Oh, Chandler, too many cooks. |
| 19 | Take it from me. As the groom |
| 20 | all you have to do is show up and try to say the right name. |
| 21 | Okay. |
| 22 | What in God's name is that? |
| 23 | Oh, my God. The wedding book? |
| 24 | I haven't seen that since the fourth grade. |
| 25 | Monica: This baby has got everything. |
| 26 | Take, you know, locations, for instance: |
| 27 | first organized alphabetically, then geographically |
| 28 | then by square footage. |
| 29 | That is so smart. |
| 30 | ( softly ): Break it off. |
| 31 | ( coughs ): Break it off now. |
| 32 | ♪ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ♪ |
| 33 | ♪ Your job's a joke, you're broke ♪ |
| 34 | ♪ Your love life's DOA ♪ |
| 35 | ♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪ |
| 36 | ♪ When it hasn't been your day ♪ |
| 37 | ♪ Your week, your month, or even your year ♪ |
| 38 | ♪ But I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 39 | ♪ 'Cause you're there for me, too. ♪ |
| 40 | And that should conclusively prove |
| 41 | that I had the idea for Jurassic Park first. |
| 42 | Now, let's... Hey, Ross. |
| 43 | Phoebe, oh, my God. |
| 44 | What are you doing here? |
| 45 | I need to talk to you. It's pretty urgent. |
| 46 | It's about Monica and Chandler. |
| 47 | Oh, my God. |
| 48 | Of course. |
| 49 | Would you please excuse me for a moment? |
| 50 | Do you know each other's hometowns? |
| 51 | Why don't you...? |
| 52 | What's going on? |
| 53 | Well, not much, but I was just thinking |
| 54 | that since those guys just got engaged |
| 55 | that maybe it'd be nice if they had some privacy, you know? |
| 56 | So, could I just move in with you |
| 57 | for a couple days? |
| 58 | Um, okay. Yeah, sure |
| 59 | but what's wrong with Monica and Chandler? |
| 60 | Nothing. Why? |
| 61 | Phoebe, you said it was urgent. |
| 62 | Oh, yeah, it is. I'm going to the movies |
| 63 | and it starts in, like, five minutes. |
| 64 | Do you realize |
| 65 | I have a classroom full of students? |
| 66 | Oh, I'm sorry. I'm so rude. |
| 67 | Does anyone want to come to the movies? |
| 68 | All right, I haven't cleared the budget with my parents yet |
| 69 | but tell me how this is for music. |
| 70 | Okay. |
| 71 | A string quartet for the processional |
| 72 | a jazz trio for cocktails |
| 73 | the Bay City Rollers for dancing... wait. |
| 74 | That was for my sixth-grade wedding. |
| 75 | Well, you couldn't get them, anyway. |
| 76 | I mean, Ian doesn't even play anymore and Derek... |
| 77 | Well, Derek is a name I shouldn't know. |
| 78 | Hey, Mon, do you have another pillow? |
| 79 | You know, something a little snugglier? |
| 80 | Why are you napping over here instead of over at your place? |
| 81 | The duck. |
| 82 | What? The duck? |
| 83 | What the hell did the damn duck do now? |
| 84 | Uh, well, he did not get sick somewhere in there |
| 85 | and it was immediately found and properly cleaned up. |
| 86 | Now do I get to look at this book |
| 87 | or is it just for people |
| 88 | who are actually involved in the wedding? |
| 89 | Of course you can look at it. |
| 90 | Yeah, I want your opinion, too. |
| 91 | Okay. |
| 92 | Here you go. |
| 93 | What do you think about centerpieces? |
| 94 | Centerpieces. Yeah. |
| 95 | Roses... or lilies? |
| 96 | Definitely roses. |
| 97 | Well, I just think they're a little bit more weddingy. |
| 98 | But lilies are the clear choice. |
| 99 | Oh, my God. It's like one mind. |
| 100 | Uh-huh. |
| 101 | Guys, guys... |
| 102 | you got to let me nap. |
| 103 | I'm going to get cranky. |
| 104 | Joey, there is a perfectly good couch across the hall. |
| 105 | Yes, it is perfectly good... |
| 106 | and it is not one of the places the duck got sick. |
| 107 | What? |
| 108 | All right, I'm going to go. |
| 109 | Joey |
| 110 | what did the duck do? |
| 111 | I don't know, but he did not eat your face cream. |
| 112 | Hey, little buddy. |
| 113 | How you feeling? Ah! |
| 114 | What the hell is in that face cream? |
| 115 | That's so soft. |
| 116 | Pillowcases. |
| 117 | Oh, yeah... |
| 118 | Oh, oh... oh... |
| 119 | What the...? |
| 120 | "Zelda looked at the chimney sweep. |
| 121 | Her father, the vicar..." |
| 122 | Vicar? Hmm. |
| 123 | "...wouldn't be home for hours. |
| 124 | "Her loins were burning. |
| 125 | "She threw caution to the wind |
| 126 | and reached out and grabbed his..." |
| 127 | Whoa! |
| 128 | Whoa. |
| 129 | This is a dirty book. |
| 130 | Uh, Phoebe? |
| 131 | ( deep, sultry voice ): Oh, Ross, hi. |
| 132 | Phoebe, what are you doing? |
| 133 | I'm sorry. |
| 134 | I'm with a client right now. |
| 135 | Phoebe! |
| 136 | Okay, let's talk outside. |
| 137 | Phoebe, you can't massage people |
| 138 | in my apartment. |
| 139 | What's the big deal? |
| 140 | I did it at Monica and Chandler's. |
| 141 | And they knew about it? |
| 142 | Okay, look, Ross, what is this really about? |
| 143 | Look, this is my home |
| 144 | and I want to be able to come and go whenever I want. |
| 145 | Okay, I will find someplace else |
| 146 | to do the rest of my appointments. |
| 147 | I just don't know what the big deal is. |
| 148 | The big deal is, I don't want naked, greasy strangers |
| 149 | in my apartment when I want to kick back with a puzzle... |
| 150 | beer-- cold beer. |
| 151 | Hey. |
| 152 | Hey, Joey. What are you doing? |
| 153 | Sweeping. |
| 154 | Why? Does it turn you on? |
| 155 | No. |
| 156 | Hmm... |
| 157 | What if I was, uh, sweeping a chimney? |
| 158 | Joey, did you eat my face cream? |
| 159 | Where you going? |
| 160 | The vicar won't be home for hours. |
| 161 | Joey... where did you learn that word? |
| 162 | Where do you think... |
| 163 | Zelda? |
| 164 | ( gasps ) |
| 165 | You found my book? |
| 166 | Yeah, I did! |
| 167 | Joey, what-what are you doing |
| 168 | going into my bedroom? |
| 169 | Okay, I'm sorry. |
| 170 | I went in there to take a nap |
| 171 | and I know I shouldn't have, but you got porn. |
| 172 | Oh! You... hey, you know what? |
| 173 | I don't care. |
| 174 | I'm not ashamed of my book. |
| 175 | There's nothing wrong with a woman enjoying a little... |
| 176 | erotica. |
| 177 | It's just a healthy expression of female sexuality |
| 178 | which, by the way, is something that you will never understand. |
| 179 | You got porn. |
| 180 | ( laughing ) |
| 181 | ( yells ) |
| 182 | ( knocking at door ) |
| 183 | Hello. |
| 184 | Hi. |
| 185 | Is, uh, Phoebe here? |
| 186 | Uh, no, no. Sh-she's out for the night. |
| 187 | Oh, great. |
| 188 | Can I... can I help you with something? |
| 189 | Oh, I don't know. |
| 190 | Are you a masseur? |
| 191 | Yes, I am. |
| 192 | Great. |
| 193 | Dad? |
| 194 | Thank you so much. |
| 195 | I'll be back to pick him up in an hour. |
| 196 | So, Chandler, your parents must have been thrilled |
| 197 | when you told them you were engaged. |
| 198 | Oh, yeah, I should probably call them. |
| 199 | I remember when we first got engaged. |
| 200 | Oh, I don't think |
| 201 | I've ever heard that story. |
| 202 | Dad, really, you don't need... |
| 203 | Well, I had gotten Judy pregnant. |
| 204 | I still don't know |
| 205 | how that happened. |
| 206 | You don't know how that happened? |
| 207 | Your dog thought my diaphragm was a chew toy. |
| 208 | What a sweet story. |
| 209 | Well, at least you're not hearing it |
| 210 | for the first time at your fifth-grade Halloween party. |
| 211 | What? They wanted a scary story. |
| 212 | ( chuckling ) |
| 213 | Anyway, we're really excited about our wedding plans |
| 214 | and I guess pretty soon we'll be making a big withdrawal |
| 215 | from the Monica wedding fund. |
| 216 | ( Monica and Chandler chuckle) |
| 217 | Uh-oh. |
| 218 | What? |
| 219 | You tell her, Jack, I can't do it. |
| 220 | You still have the Monica wedding fund, don't you? |
| 221 | We have it. |
| 222 | Only now we call it "the beach house." |
| 223 | I can't believe you spent my wedding fund |
| 224 | on the beach house! |
| 225 | We're sorry, honey |
| 226 | but we just assumed if you got married |
| 227 | after you turned 30, you'd pay for it yourself. |
| 228 | You bought the beach house when I was 23. |
| 229 | Which means you had seven years of beach fun |
| 230 | and you can't put a price on that, sweetie. |
| 231 | We really do feel bad about this, though. |
| 232 | We started saving again when you were dating Richard |
| 233 | but then that went to hell, so we re-did the kitchen. |
| 234 | What about when I started dating Chandler? |
| 235 | Well, it was Chandler. |
| 236 | We didn't think he'd ever propose. |
| 237 | Clearly, I did not start drinking enough |
| 238 | at the start of the meal. |
| 239 | ( chuckling ) |
| 240 | I can't believe it. |
| 241 | There is no money for my wedding? |
| 242 | We might still have some money |
| 243 | if your father hadn't thought it was a good idea |
| 244 | to sell ice over the Internet. |
| 245 | It seemed like such a simple idea. |
| 246 | "Stupid," Jack. |
| 247 | The word is "stupid." |
| 248 | All right, enough. |
| 249 | I don't want to hear about it anymore. |
| 250 | Good luck, Chandler. |
| 251 | Okay. |
| 252 | Now, I'm going to... |
| 253 | touch you. |
| 254 | Oh, that's soft. |
| 255 | I can't believe this. |
| 256 | Do you think |
| 257 | that your parents can help pay for it? |
| 258 | I don't know. |
| 259 | My mother spent most of her money |
| 260 | on her fourth wedding |
| 261 | and she's saving the rest for her divorce. |
| 262 | And any extra cash my father has |
| 263 | he saves for his yearly trips to... Dollywood. |
| 264 | Well, what happened at dinner? |
| 265 | My parents spent the money for our wedding. |
| 266 | ( gasps ) |
| 267 | My God! |
| 268 | What did you order? |
| 269 | Wait, but... there's no money? |
| 270 | Well, this is terrible! |
| 271 | You guys are going to have to get married in, like |
| 272 | a rec center. |
| 273 | Honey, it's going to be okay. |
| 274 | No, no, it's not. It's not going to be okay. |
| 275 | It sucks! |
| 276 | No swing band, no lilies... |
| 277 | No, you know what? |
| 278 | It's going to be okay. |
| 279 | I mean, you don't need to have this... |
| 280 | rustic Italian feast, you know? |
| 281 | And-and you don't need this custom-made, empire-waisted |
| 282 | duchess satin gown. |
| 283 | You can wear off-the-rack. |
| 284 | Look, it really is |
| 285 | going to be okay. |
| 286 | The important thing is that we love each other |
| 287 | and that we're going to get married. |
| 288 | Do you even understand what "off-the-rack" means? |
| 289 | Look, why don't you |
| 290 | just pay for it yourself? |
| 291 | How? I don't have any money. |
| 292 | Well, I have some. |
| 293 | How much? |
| 294 | Well, close to... |
| 295 | Wow! Are you kidding me? |
| 296 | Well, what? How-how much is it? |
| 297 | It's enough for wedding scenario "A." |
| 298 | ( gasping ): Really? |
| 299 | How great are you, you little saver?! |
| 300 | I mean, the amount you have is exactly the budget |
| 301 | of my dream wedding. |
| 302 | Oh! You guys are so made for each other. |
| 303 | Well, you're not suggesting that we spend all of the money |
| 304 | on the wedding? |
| 305 | Uh, yeah! Uh, yeah! |
| 306 | Look... Mon, I've been saving this money for six years |
| 307 | and I kind of had some of it earmarked for the future |
| 308 | not just for a party. |
| 309 | Wow! Hello, Mr. Chandler. |
| 310 | Sweetie, this is the most special day of our lives. |
| 311 | No, I realize that, honey |
| 312 | but I'm not going to spend all the money on one party. |
| 313 | Honey, um, I-I love you... |
| 314 | ( giggles ) |
| 315 | ...but, um, if you call our wedding a "party" one more time |
| 316 | you may not get invited, okay? |
| 317 | Listen... |
| 318 | we can always earn more money, okay |
| 319 | but we're only going to get married once. |
| 320 | Look, I understand |
| 321 | but I have to put my foot down, okay? |
| 322 | The answer is no. |
| 323 | You-you're going to have to "put your foot down"? |
| 324 | Yes, I am. |
| 325 | Wow. |
| 326 | Money and a firm hand. |
| 327 | Finally a Chandler I can get on board with. |
| 328 | Hi, Rach. |
| 329 | Joey. |
| 330 | Hey, Rach. |
| 331 | Do you smell smoke? |
| 332 | Uh-huh. I get it. Smoke, chimney |
| 333 | chimney sweep-- very funny. Ha, ha. |
| 334 | No, no, no. I'm serious. |
| 335 | You don't smell it? |
| 336 | Something's on fire. |
| 337 | No, I don't smell anything. |
| 338 | Oh, you know what? |
| 339 | It's probably just your burnin' loins. |
| 340 | Hey, what are you guys talking about? |
| 341 | Nothing. |
| 342 | Hmm. Dang, this coffee's cold. |
| 343 | Hey, Rach, do you mind if I heat this up on your loins? |
| 344 | You know, I cannot believe |
| 345 | you told him. |
| 346 | Joey... |
| 347 | So, I guess you bought that book after we broke up, huh? |
| 348 | Uh-huh. Yeah, I did |
| 349 | because I wore out my first copy when I was with you. |
| 350 | Oh, yeah, yeah? |
| 351 | Well, uh, when we were going out |
| 352 | I read tons of porno magazines! |
| 353 | Whassup? |
| 354 | Ross, how could you do that to an old man?! |
| 355 | Excuse me, ladies. |
| 356 | I'm sorry? |
| 357 | My massage client, Arthur? |
| 358 | His daughter called |
| 359 | and said that some guy that worked for me |
| 360 | gave him a really weird massage this afternoon. |
| 361 | I gave him an extremely professional massage. |
| 362 | He said you poked at him with wooden spoons. |
| 363 | Well, okay, so it wasn't, a-a traditional massage. |
| 364 | But I did give him acupressure with a pair of chopsticks. |
| 365 | And, and, I gently exfoliated him with-with a mop. |
| 366 | Well, he's never coming back. |
| 367 | Okay, you just cost me $80 a week! |
| 368 | Hey, you know what? This is your fault. |
| 369 | You're the one who didn't move his appointment. |
| 370 | Oh, it's my fault? |
| 371 | You didn't have to massage him. |
| 372 | You could've sent him away. |
| 373 | You could've not rolled Tonka trucks |
| 374 | up and down his back! |
| 375 | He said he liked that! |
| 376 | Oh, you're right, you're right. |
| 377 | I'm sorry. |
| 378 | Dude... |
| 379 | What are you massaging an old man for? |
| 380 | His daughter was hot. |
| 381 | Gotcha. |
| 382 | ( door opens ) |
| 383 | Hey. |
| 384 | Hey. |
| 385 | Listen, um... |
| 386 | I've been thinking and... |
| 387 | It's not fair for me to ask you |
| 388 | to spend all of your money on our wedding. |
| 389 | I mean, you work... you work really hard for that. |
| 390 | Yeah. |
| 391 | Well, you worked for that. |
| 392 | Look, I've thought about it, too |
| 393 | and I'm sorry. |
| 394 | I think we should spend all of the money |
| 395 | on the wedding. |
| 396 | You do? |
| 397 | Yeah, I'm putting my foot down. |
| 398 | ( chuckling ) |
| 399 | Yeah, look. |
| 400 | When I proposed, I told you |
| 401 | that I would do anything to make you happy... |
| 402 | and if having the perfect wedding makes you happy |
| 403 | then... then that's what we're going to do. |
| 404 | You are so sweet. |
| 405 | Oh, but wait. |
| 406 | What about, what about the future and stuff? |
| 407 | Ahh, forget about the future and stuff. |
| 408 | So we only have two kids. |
| 409 | You know, we'll pick our favorite |
| 410 | and that one will get to go to college. |
| 411 | I mean, you've thought about that? |
| 412 | Yeah. |
| 413 | How many kids were we gonna have? |
| 414 | Uh, four: a boy, twin girls, and another boy. |
| 415 | What else did you think about? |
| 416 | Well, stuff like where we'd live. |
| 417 | You know, like a small place |
| 418 | outside the city |
| 419 | where our kids could learn to ride their bikes and stuff. |
| 420 | You know, we could have a cat |
| 421 | that had a bell on its collar |
| 422 | and we could hear it every time |
| 423 | it ran through the little kitty door. |
| 424 | Of course, we'd have an apartment over the garage |
| 425 | where Joey could grow old. |
| 426 | You know what? |
| 427 | I-I don't want a big, fancy wedding. |
| 428 | Sure you do. |
| 429 | No. |
| 430 | I want everything that you've just said. |
| 431 | I want a marriage. |
| 432 | You sure? |
| 433 | Mm-hmm. |
| 434 | I love you so much. |
| 435 | I love you. |
| 436 | Hey, listen, um |
| 437 | when you were talking about our future |
| 438 | when you said cat, but you meant dog, right? |
| 439 | Yeah, totally. |
| 440 | Oh, good. |
| 441 | Hello, Zelda. |
| 442 | Who are you supposed to be? |
| 443 | The vicar! |
| 444 | Do you even know what a vicar is? |
| 445 | It's like a goalie, right? |
| 446 | Yeah. |
| 447 | Look, Joey, it's enough, all right? |
| 448 | You're making these stupid jokes and these sleazy innuendoes |
| 449 | and it's, I'm not... It's just not funny anymore! |
| 450 | All right, I'm sorry. |
| 451 | Rach, I'm sorry. |
| 452 | Okay, I'm sorry. |
| 453 | Maybe I can make it up to you by... |
| 454 | taking you roughly in the barn. |
| 455 | Aah! |
| 456 | All right, you know what? That's it. |
| 457 | You want to do it? Let's do it. |
| 458 | Huh? |
| 459 | That's right. |
| 460 | I want to do it with you. |
| 461 | Been trying to fight it |
| 462 | but you've just said all the right things. |
| 463 | I-I-I did? |
| 464 | Yeah. |
| 465 | Oh, I've been waiting so long to get on that body. |
| 466 | This body? |
| 467 | Yeah, that's right. |
| 468 | Come on, Joey. Sex me up. |
| 469 | Hey, hey, you're starting to sound like |
| 470 | the butcher's wife there in chapter seven. |
| 471 | Oh, come on, now. Don't keep me waiting. |
| 472 | Get those clothes off. |
| 473 | But I would keep that helmet on |
| 474 | 'cause you're in for a rough ride. |
| 475 | I don't want to. I'm scared. |
| 476 | [Captioned by The Caption Center WGBH Educational Foundation] |
| 477 | |
| 1 | Hey, guys. |
| 2 | All: Hey. |
| 3 | So... what do you think? |
| 4 | About what? |
| 5 | Yeah, what? What? |
| 6 | Huh? |
| 7 | Are you kidding? |
| 8 | Okay, I'll give you a hint. |
| 9 | I'll give you a hint. |
| 10 | Eyes. |
| 11 | No, no. Your eyes. |
| 12 | No. Chandler's eyes! |
| 13 | I got glasses. |
| 14 | You-you always had glasses. |
| 15 | No, I didn't. |
| 16 | Are you sure? |
| 17 | Yeah. Didn't, didn't you used to have a pair |
| 18 | that were really round and burgundy |
| 19 | and they made you look kind of, um... |
| 20 | Feminine. |
| 21 | Yes. |
| 22 | No. |
| 23 | Sweetie, I think the glasses look great. |
| 24 | They make you look really sexy. |
| 25 | Really? |
| 26 | Yeah. |
| 27 | You didn't think |
| 28 | I used to wear glasses, right? |
| 29 | Of course. |
| 30 | ( mouthing ): I didn't know it. |
| 31 | ♪ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ♪ |
| 32 | ♪ Your job's a joke, you're broke ♪ |
| 33 | ♪ Your love life's D.O.A. ♪ |
| 34 | ♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪ |
| 35 | ♪ When it hasn't been your day, your week ♪ |
| 36 | ♪ Your month, or even your year ♪ |
| 37 | ♪ But I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 38 | ♪ When the rain starts to pour ♪ |
| 39 | ♪ I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 40 | ♪ Like I've been there before ♪ |
| 41 | ♪ I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 42 | ♪ 'Cause you're there for me, too. ♪ |
| 43 | So, what do you guys want for an engagement present? |
| 44 | That's okay, Pheebs. |
| 45 | We're not having a party or anything |
| 46 | so you don't have to get us... |
| 47 | Bup-bup-bup! |
| 48 | Someone wants to give us a present |
| 49 | we don't want to deprive them of that joy. |
| 50 | Oh, you know what you should get them? |
| 51 | One of those little portable CD players. |
| 52 | Oh, I already have one. |
| 53 | Not unless someone borrowed it and left it at the gynecologist. |
| 54 | Yeah, and-and by "someone," she means Joey. |
| 55 | Hey, I know what I want. |
| 56 | What we want, honey. |
| 57 | No, no, you don't want this. |
| 58 | No, I want to have |
| 59 | your grandmother's cookie recipe. |
| 60 | You mean the chocolate chip cookie recipe? |
| 61 | Uh-huh, yeah. |
| 62 | You mean the one |
| 63 | that my grandmother made me swear on her deathbed |
| 64 | that I would never let out of our family? |
| 65 | Dying people say the craziest things. |
| 66 | I've wanted it for years. |
| 67 | I was going to make cookies for my children. |
| 68 | Well, break my heart. |
| 69 | Oh, all right. |
| 70 | Okay. I'm going to be the mom |
| 71 | who makes the world's best chocolate chip cookies. |
| 72 | Our kids are going to be fat, aren't they? |
| 73 | Ahoy! |
| 74 | All: Hey. |
| 75 | How's the boat? |
| 76 | Great. I'm really getting into this sailing stuff. |
| 77 | Oh, so you finally took it out of the marina, huh? |
| 78 | Why would I do that? |
| 79 | It took three guys to get the thing in there. |
| 80 | Well, if you don't sail your boat, what do you do on it? |
| 81 | Well, it's great. |
| 82 | It's a great place |
| 83 | to just kind of sit, hang around |
| 84 | drink a few beers, eat some chips. |
| 85 | Well, it's good that you finally have a place to do that. |
| 86 | You know, Joey, I could teach you |
| 87 | to sail if you want. |
| 88 | You could? |
| 89 | Yeah. I've been sailing my whole life. |
| 90 | When I was 15, my dad bought me my own boat. |
| 91 | What? |
| 92 | Your own boat? |
| 93 | What? What? |
| 94 | He was trying to cheer me up. |
| 95 | My pony was sick. |
| 96 | You know what I was thinking? |
| 97 | What? |
| 98 | Nothing. I just like to go like this. |
| 99 | Hey, Chandler, what are you doing tonight? |
| 100 | Uh, Why? Do you have a lecture? |
| 101 | No. Why? |
| 102 | Then free as a bird. |
| 103 | What's up? |
| 104 | My dad wanted to know |
| 105 | if you want to play racquetball with us. |
| 106 | Wow, that's great. |
| 107 | Dad must really like you. |
| 108 | He doesn't ask just anyone to play. |
| 109 | Yeah, and he didn't really ask for you. |
| 110 | He asked for Chauncey. |
| 111 | I assumed he meant you. |
| 112 | Well, did-did you correct him? |
| 113 | No. I-I thought it'd be more fun this way. |
| 114 | That is so cool. |
| 115 | Maybe this is something you could do every week. |
| 116 | Or you could sit with him on the front porch |
| 117 | and make sure no one steals the trash cans. |
| 118 | He does that every week, too. Hmm. |
| 119 | Oh, just so you know, y-you have to let him win. |
| 120 | He hates to lose. |
| 121 | Oh, no problem. |
| 122 | Maybe I'll play with my left hand. |
| 123 | You're not a lefty? |
| 124 | Does anybody know me? |
| 125 | ( sighs irately ) |
| 126 | What's wrong, Phoebe? |
| 127 | I just went to my old apartment to get you the-the cookie recipe |
| 128 | and that stupid fire burned it up. |
| 129 | No! Why didn't you make a copy |
| 130 | and-and keep it in a fireproof box |
| 131 | and keep it at least a hundred yards |
| 132 | away from the original? |
| 133 | Because I'm normal. |
| 134 | But that was the one legacy my grandmother left me |
| 135 | and I know you wanted it as an engagement present. |
| 136 | What? We have to get you an engagement present? |
| 137 | Don't worry about it, Pheebs. |
| 138 | No one got me an engagement present. |
| 139 | Okay, here. I don't have the recipe, but... |
| 140 | Here, I wish you health and happiness. |
| 141 | An old cookie? |
| 142 | See, this is what happens |
| 143 | when you don't register for gifts. |
| 144 | See, no, I-I made a batch and I froze it |
| 145 | and this is the only one left. |
| 146 | We can't accept this. |
| 147 | Why not? |
| 148 | Because it's gross. |
| 149 | No... wait. |
| 150 | I think I can figure out the recipe from this cookie. |
| 151 | I do stuff like this at work all the time. |
| 152 | Really? Yeah. I think I can do it. |
| 153 | Oh, yay! |
| 154 | Okay, Ross, we owe you a present. |
| 155 | Two! I've been engaged twice. |
| 156 | Look at this clown. |
| 157 | Just 'cause he got a bigger boat |
| 158 | he thinks he can take up the whole river. |
| 159 | Get out of the way, jackass! |
| 160 | Who names their boat Coast Guard, anyway, geez. |
| 161 | That is the Coast Guard. |
| 162 | What are they doing out here? |
| 163 | Coast is all the way over there. |
| 164 | Joe-Joey, just ignore the boats, all right? |
| 165 | All right. We're not finished with our lesson yet. |
| 166 | I'm just going over the basic points one more time. Ready? |
| 167 | Oh, come on, Rach, not again. I got it, okay? |
| 168 | Let's start sailing, and I want to go over there |
| 169 | where that boatload of girls is. Yeah! Ho-ho! |
| 170 | Oh, okay. Is that what you want to do? |
| 171 | Want to go over |
| 172 | and give a little shout out to the old hot chicas, huh? |
| 173 | Okay. Let's do that, Sailor Joe. |
| 174 | Quick question, though. |
| 175 | What's this called? |
| 176 | Uh... boat rope? |
| 177 | Wrong. |
| 178 | How do you get the main sail up? |
| 179 | Uh... |
| 180 | Rub it? |
| 181 | No. |
| 182 | What do you do if I say we are coming about? |
| 183 | I'd say... come again? |
| 184 | No, no. I-I know this one, I know this one. Uh... |
| 185 | ( air horn honks ) |
| 186 | Time's up. Now you're dead. |
| 187 | And deaf. |
| 188 | Okay, you just go on and make your little jokey jokes |
| 189 | but if you do not know what you are doing out at sea |
| 190 | you will die at sea. |
| 191 | Am I getting through to you, sailor?! |
| 192 | Yes. |
| 193 | Don't just say yes. |
| 194 | This isn't a game. |
| 195 | Joey, you could really get hurt out here. |
| 196 | Okay, so you want to pay attention or do you want to die? |
| 197 | I want to make a ship-to-shore call to Chandler. |
| 198 | I-I definitely taste nutmeg. |
| 199 | You do? |
| 200 | You don't? |
| 201 | Huh. Well, that's the difference |
| 202 | between a professional and a layman. |
| 203 | Yeah. That and arrogance. |
| 204 | Hey. |
| 205 | Hey. How was sailing? |
| 206 | I don't want to talk about it. |
| 207 | Oh, you know, you could have |
| 208 | at least saved me a whole cookie. |
| 209 | Both: No, no, no, no! |
| 210 | Women are mean! |
| 211 | I can't believe that. |
| 212 | Well, now the only thing that's left |
| 213 | of my grandmother's legacy is... this crumb. |
| 214 | I wish you a long and happy marriage. |
| 215 | Hey. |
| 216 | Hey. How was it? |
| 217 | Well, I had a great time. |
| 218 | Um, Chauncey, on the other hand... |
| 219 | I will tell the story. |
| 220 | It was going great. |
| 221 | I let him win. |
| 222 | We were bonding. |
| 223 | He even said that I could call him Dad. |
| 224 | And what did he ask you not to call him? |
| 225 | Daddy. |
| 226 | All right, look, here's the story. |
| 227 | Well, we had just finished playing racquetball |
| 228 | and we were going to take a steam. |
| 229 | I walk into the steam room |
| 230 | and it's really steamy. |
| 231 | So I take off my glasses and that's when it happened. |
| 232 | Guys? |
| 233 | Over here. |
| 234 | Have a seat, son. |
| 235 | Hey! |
| 236 | Oh, my God, Chandler. |
| 237 | I can't believe it. I know. |
| 238 | You gave my father a lap dance. |
| 239 | Why do they put so much steam in there? |
| 240 | 'Cause otherwise they'd have to call it the... room room. |
| 241 | Why, okay? |
| 242 | Why? |
| 243 | Why did that have to happen? |
| 244 | Come on. It's not that big a deal. |
| 245 | Not that big a deal? |
| 246 | There... there was touching of things. |
| 247 | Chandler, I-I know you wanted to bond with my dad |
| 248 | but did you really have to bond to that part? |
| 249 | Listen, I'm sure that Dad doesn't care. |
| 250 | He probably thought this was really funny. |
| 251 | He'll be telling this story for years. |
| 252 | I don't want him to tell this story for years. |
| 253 | Oh, but he will. |
| 254 | ( chuckles ) |
| 255 | He still tells the story |
| 256 | about how Monica tried to escape from fat camp. |
| 257 | I wasn't escaping. |
| 258 | Then how did you get caught in the barbed wire? |
| 259 | I was trying to help out a squirrel. |
| 260 | You were trying to eat it. |
| 261 | ( phone rings ) |
| 262 | If that is your father calling to tell this story |
| 263 | then the marriage is off. |
| 264 | Come on. |
| 265 | Hello? |
| 266 | I'm sorry. You have the wrong number. |
| 267 | Okay. I'll call you later, Dad. I love you. |
| 268 | All right. I'm off to see your dad. |
| 269 | Whoa. Whoa! |
| 270 | Aren't you a little overdressed? |
| 271 | ( laughs ) |
| 272 | Yeah. And-and you better make sure he tips you this time. |
| 273 | ( laughing ) |
| 274 | Oh, look. I figured I would try to convince him |
| 275 | not to tell the story anymore |
| 276 | and I figured the best way to do that was face-to-face. |
| 277 | And by face... |
| 278 | I don't mean his lap. |
| 279 | And by face, I don't mean my ass. |
| 280 | Hey, are you getting Monica and Chandler |
| 281 | an engagement present? |
| 282 | I don't know. You know, they didn't get us anything. |
| 283 | Thank you. |
| 284 | Hey. |
| 285 | Hey. |
| 286 | Well, hello. |
| 287 | So, when are we getting back out on the water, matey? |
| 288 | Oh, uh... |
| 289 | Well, I don't know the boat way to say this, but, uh... never. |
| 290 | Why not? |
| 291 | Because you're mean on the boat. |
| 292 | What? I was just trying to teach you. |
| 293 | Well, lesson learned. |
| 294 | Rachel is mean. |
| 295 | Yup. Yup-yup-yup-yup-yup. |
| 296 | I remember when she took me out on her dad's boat. |
| 297 | She wouldn't let me help out at all. |
| 298 | Oh... excuse me. |
| 299 | I wanted you to help, but you couldn't move your arms |
| 300 | because you were wearing three life jackets. |
| 301 | You have to respect the sea. |
| 302 | Look, Joey, I'm sorry if-if you thought that was mean |
| 303 | but I got to tell you something: that was not mean, okay? |
| 304 | My father is mean. |
| 305 | He used to yell at me all the time on the boat. |
| 306 | I mean, it was horrible. |
| 307 | I was just being a really good teacher. |
| 308 | Does a good teacher say, "Put down the beer, Pinhead"? |
| 309 | Well, does a good student |
| 310 | drink seven beers during his first lesson? |
| 311 | Six and a half. |
| 312 | You knocked that last one out of my hand, remember? |
| 313 | Yeah. I didn't want you to get hit by the boom. |
| 314 | Well, it hit me anyway. |
| 315 | And it would have hurt a lot less |
| 316 | if I'd have finished that last beer. |
| 317 | All right. You know what? |
| 318 | I'm sorry. |
| 319 | I will try to tone it down, and, uh... stop yelling. |
| 320 | You won't boss me around anymore? |
| 321 | I won't boss you around. |
| 322 | And you'll be nice? |
| 323 | And I'll be nice. |
| 324 | And you'll be topless? |
| 325 | And... Joey! |
| 326 | You want me to learn? |
| 327 | Okay. Here's batch 22. |
| 328 | Oh, maybe these will taste like your grandmother's. |
| 329 | This has a little bit of orange peel, but no nutmeg. |
| 330 | Let's give it a shot. Okay. Well... |
| 331 | I have not made this many cookies |
| 332 | since I was in the ninth grade. |
| 333 | What was that for, like, a bake sale? |
| 334 | No. Just a Friday night. |
| 335 | Mmm. |
| 336 | These are pretty good. |
| 337 | Yup. But not as good as batch 17. |
| 338 | Which one was that? |
| 339 | The ones we had right after you almost threw up. |
| 340 | Oh, yeah. |
| 341 | Batch 17 was good. |
| 342 | I did not like batch 16. |
| 343 | ( voice croaks ): I'm okay. |
| 344 | Are there any more from the good batch? |
| 345 | 'Cause we could just work off of those. |
| 346 | Yeah... well, yeah, I think there's one |
| 347 | from batch 17 left, uh... |
| 348 | It's batch 16. |
| 349 | 16, people. |
| 350 | Get out of the way! |
| 351 | Okay, Joey, honey. |
| 352 | You're doing really good. |
| 353 | All right, now. I'm just going to need you |
| 354 | to step to the port side. |
| 355 | Remember? Remember how we talked about the port side? |
| 356 | Oh, yeah. |
| 357 | Right? |
| 358 | No. |
| 359 | It's left, sweetie, but that's okay. |
| 360 | That's a tough one. |
| 361 | I wonder why you don't just say left. |
| 362 | Okay. Go to the left. |
| 363 | ( forced laughing ) |
| 364 | ( clears throat ) |
| 365 | The left. Huh? |
| 366 | ( yells ): Just sit over there! |
| 367 | Okay. Okay. You're yelling again. See that? |
| 368 | No. No. No, no, no, no. |
| 369 | Very quiet, said with love, no yelling. |
| 370 | Well, you know what? |
| 371 | Since I'm here, I think I'm going to have me |
| 372 | a little beer on the port side. |
| 373 | See what I did there? |
| 374 | Uh-huh. |
| 375 | ( forced chuckle ) |
| 376 | Okay, Joey, we're luffing a little bit |
| 377 | so will you tighten up the cunningham? |
| 378 | All right, whoa. |
| 379 | You just said a bunch of stuff I don't know there. |
| 380 | Joey, come on! We just went over this. |
| 381 | Oh. Oh-oh, you know that... when we did that |
| 382 | was when that bird |
| 383 | was flying overhead with the fish in his mouth. |
| 384 | Did you see it? It was gross. |
| 385 | No! All right. |
| 386 | I did not see the bird. |
| 387 | I did not see the fish. |
| 388 | I did not see the piece of Styrofoam |
| 389 | that was shaped like Mike Tyson. |
| 390 | I did not because I was trying to teach you how to sail a boat |
| 391 | which obviously is an impossible thing to do. |
| 392 | All right. That's it. |
| 393 | You're yelling, and I don't see you taking your top off. I quit! |
| 394 | Well...! |
| 395 | What do you mean, you quit? |
| 396 | You can't quit! |
| 397 | Why not? |
| 398 | Because you're not finished yet |
| 399 | and I won't have it. |
| 400 | Greens do not quit. |
| 401 | "Greens"? |
| 402 | I'm a Tribbiani, and Tribbianis quit. |
| 403 | Oh, my God! Wait! |
| 404 | Did I... did I... |
| 405 | I just said, "Greens don't quit," didn't I? |
| 406 | Did I just say, "Greens don't quit?!" |
| 407 | Yes. Yes. |
| 408 | Oh, my God. You did, and you're still yelling at me. |
| 409 | No. No, no. I'm not yelling at you. |
| 410 | I'm just yelling near you. |
| 411 | Oh, God, Joey! |
| 412 | Oh, I'm my father. |
| 413 | Oh, my God! This is horrible! |
| 414 | I've been trying so hard not to be my mother |
| 415 | I did not see this coming. |
| 416 | Oh, Joey... |
| 417 | I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. |
| 418 | I just wanted you to learn. |
| 419 | Oh. |
| 420 | Hey... I did learn. |
| 421 | Really? |
| 422 | Yeah. Come on. |
| 423 | No. |
| 424 | Yeah. It's okay. |
| 425 | I know what a mainsail is. |
| 426 | Yeah. |
| 427 | Huh? I know... I know to duck when the boom comes across. |
| 428 | I-I know port is right. |
| 429 | Left. |
| 430 | Damn it! |
| 431 | You know, I bet it would actually make |
| 432 | my grandma really happy |
| 433 | to know that we're trying to figure out her recipe. |
| 434 | I bet she's looking up at us, and smiling right now. |
| 435 | Looking up? |
| 436 | Oh, yeah. |
| 437 | No, she was really nice to me, but she's in hell for sure. |
| 438 | Well, I've tried everything. |
| 439 | I give up. I guess I'm not going to be |
| 440 | the mom who makes the world's best chocolate chip cookies. |
| 441 | I do make the best... duck confit with broccoli rabe. |
| 442 | ( voice breaks ): Kids love that, right? |
| 443 | Oh, Pheeb, come on. |
| 444 | Isn't there any relative that would have the recipe? |
| 445 | What about... what about your sister? |
| 446 | Oh, no, no. No. |
| 447 | I made a promise to myself that the next time I would talk |
| 448 | to Ursula is over my dead body. |
| 449 | And that's not happening until October 15, 2032. |
| 450 | That's the day you're going to die? |
| 451 | See? Darn it. I've got shuffleboard that day. |
| 452 | That's what you think. |
| 453 | Well, what about friends of your grandmother's? |
| 454 | Wouldn't they have the recipe? |
| 455 | Well, you know, I may... |
| 456 | I may have relatives in France who would know. |
| 457 | My grandmother said she got the recipe |
| 458 | from her grandmother, Nestle Toulous. |
| 459 | What was her name? |
| 460 | Nestle Toulous. |
| 461 | Nestle Tollhouse? |
| 462 | Uh! |
| 463 | You Americans always butcher the French language. |
| 464 | Phoebe, is this the recipe? |
| 465 | Yes! |
| 466 | Oh! Oh... |
| 467 | I cannot believe that I just spent |
| 468 | the last two days trying to figure out that recipe |
| 469 | and it was in my cupboard the whole time. |
| 470 | I know! |
| 471 | You see, it is stuff like this |
| 472 | which is why you're burning in hell! |
| 473 | Chandler: Just so you understand |
| 474 | I'd feel a lot more comfortable |
| 475 | if you didn't tell people what happened, you know? |
| 476 | I'm a little... I'm a little embarrassed about it. |
| 477 | I understand completely. |
| 478 | There's nothing more horrifying than embarrassing yourself |
| 479 | in front of your in-laws. |
| 480 | As a matter of fact, when I started dating Judy |
| 481 | I was unemployed, and her father asked me |
| 482 | what I did for a living, and I told him I was a lawyer. |
| 483 | What-what did you do when they found out? |
| 484 | They never did. |
| 485 | If you ever see me giving them legal advice, just nod along. |
| 486 | Shall we? |
| 487 | So... I guess we wear swimsuits in here. |
| 488 | Well, Joey, I hate to admit it |
| 489 | but your way of sailing is a lot more fun. |
| 490 | Yup. Yup. |
| 491 | Hey, why don't you give a pull on that rope? |
| 492 | Oh, we're not sailing. |
| 493 | Just pull on it. |
| 494 | All right. |
| 495 | Hey! |
| 496 | Huh? |
| 497 | Sandwiches! |
| 498 | What else? |
| 499 | ( chuckles ) |
| 500 | Here you go. |
| 501 | Thank you. |
| 502 | Oh, wow! |
| 503 | Oop.... |
| 504 | What are you doing? |
| 505 | Sorry. |
| 506 | What... don't hold it like that. |
| 507 | You're letting all the good stuff fall out. |
| 508 | Oh. Oop. Careful! |
| 509 | You're wasting good pastrami! |
| 510 | ( gasps ) |
| 511 | Oh, my God! |
| 512 | I'm my dad! |
| 513 | |
| 1 | Well, if we learned |
| 2 | one thing today, Cheese, it's that cheerleaders |
| 3 | and high explosives don't mix. |
| 4 | Cheese: You can say that again, Mac. |
| 5 | Well, I couldn't have done it without you, buddy. |
| 6 | You're a genius. |
| 7 | Oh, yeah? Well, then how come |
| 8 | I can't get my VCR to stop blinking 12:00? |
| 9 | ( laughter ) |
| 10 | So, what'd you guys think? |
| 11 | ( phone rings ) |
| 12 | I got it, I got it! The phone, the phone! |
| 13 | Hello. |
| 14 | Hold on, please-- Joey, it's your mom. |
| 15 | It's your mommy. Oh, that's nice. |
| 16 | Ma, so what did you think? |
| 17 | Well |
| 18 | that was, um |
| 19 | okay. |
| 20 | It wasn't the best. |
| 21 | That was one of the worst things ever. |
| 22 | And not just on TV. |
| 23 | What are we going to tell him? |
| 24 | Well, the-the lighting was okay. |
| 25 | Oh, no, you don't-- you got lighting last time. |
| 26 | Lighting is mine. |
| 27 | I have costumes. |
| 28 | Oh, great. |
| 29 | That means I'm stuck with |
| 30 | "So, we were watching you in there |
| 31 | and you were sitting right here. Whoa." |
| 32 | What are you going to do, Pheebs? |
| 33 | I don't know, I don't know. |
| 34 | I can't lie to him again. |
| 35 | Oh, no, I'm-- |
| 36 | No, I'm just going to press my breasts up against him. |
| 37 | And say nothing? |
| 38 | Uh-huh. Yeah, that's right. |
| 39 | All right, bye. |
| 40 | Wow, well, my folks really liked it. |
| 41 | So, what did you guys think? |
| 42 | Well, it wasn't that good. |
| 43 | ♪ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ♪ |
| 44 | ♪ Your job's a joke, you're broke ♪ |
| 45 | ♪ Your love life's D.O.A. ♪ |
| 46 | ♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪ |
| 47 | ♪ When it hasn't been your day, your week ♪ |
| 48 | ♪ Your month, or even your year ♪ |
| 49 | ♪ But I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 50 | ♪ 'Cause you're there for me, too. ♪ |
| 51 | Phoebe, do you think that your favorite animal |
| 52 | says very much about you? |
| 53 | What, you mean behind my back? |
| 54 | Oh! You guys, oh, my God, you're never going to believe |
| 55 | what happened to me today. |
| 56 | I am sitting in my office... |
| 57 | You guys, you guys, you're not going |
| 58 | to believe what my agent just told me. |
| 59 | Joey, in the middle of a story, here. |
| 60 | Oh, sorry, sorry, you finish. |
| 61 | Okay, so anyway, I'm sitting in my office |
| 62 | and guess who walks in? |
| 63 | I'm going to be on two TV shows! |
| 64 | Oh, that's great! Really? |
| 65 | Joey. |
| 66 | You weren't finished? Yeah |
| 67 | "Guess who walks into my office" is the end of my story. |
| 68 | It was Ralph Lauren. |
| 69 | Ralph Lauren walked into my office. |
| 70 | Uh, Rach. |
| 71 | If you're going to start another story, at least |
| 72 | let me finish mine. It's the same story. |
| 73 | Well, it's really long. |
| 74 | Oh, my God. Anyway, Ralph just came in |
| 75 | to tell me that he's so happy with my work |
| 76 | that he wants me to be |
| 77 | the new merchandising manager for Polo retail. |
| 78 | Ooh. Still get a discount on wedding dresses? |
| 79 | Yeah. |
| 80 | I'm so happy for you! |
| 81 | I'm so glad. |
| 82 | Well, these really are "the days of our lives." |
| 83 | What? |
| 84 | Well, since you ask... |
| 85 | they want me back on Days of our Lives. |
| 86 | Oh, my God. |
| 87 | I get... I get a big pay raise! |
| 88 | Oh, great! |
| 89 | I'll be playing Drake Ramoray's twin brother, Stryker. |
| 90 | Oooh. |
| 91 | I get to hire my own assistant. |
| 92 | ( squeals ) |
| 93 | Well... |
| 94 | I got a head rush from standing up too fast. |
| 95 | And you were at this job for four years? |
| 96 | That's right. Okay. |
| 97 | Well, this is all very impressive, Hilda. |
| 98 | Um, I just have one last question for you. |
| 99 | How did I do? |
| 100 | Was this okay? |
| 101 | What? |
| 102 | I've never interviewed anyone before. |
| 103 | I've actually never had anyone work for me before. |
| 104 | Although when I was a kid we did have a maid |
| 105 | but this isn't the same thing. |
| 106 | No, dear. It's not. |
| 107 | No. Yeah. |
| 108 | And I know that. |
| 109 | All right, well, thank you so much for coming in. |
| 110 | It was nice to meet you. |
| 111 | Good meeting you. |
| 112 | All right. |
| 113 | I'm a total pro. |
| 114 | Hello? |
| 115 | Wow. |
| 116 | Um. |
| 117 | Hi, yes, I'm sorry |
| 118 | the models are actually down the hall. |
| 119 | Actually, I'm here about the assistant job. |
| 120 | Really? |
| 121 | Okay. Well, then... |
| 122 | All right |
| 123 | well, just have a seat there. |
| 124 | Um, so, what's... what is... |
| 125 | what's your name? |
| 126 | Tag Jones. |
| 127 | Uh-huh. Go on. |
| 128 | That's it. |
| 129 | That's my whole name. |
| 130 | That's your whole name. |
| 131 | Okay, of course it is. |
| 132 | Okay, well, let's just have a look-see here. |
| 133 | I know I haven't worked in an office before |
| 134 | and I really don't have a lot of experience. |
| 135 | Oh, come on, now, what are you talking about? |
| 136 | You've got three years painting houses. |
| 137 | Two whole summers at T.G.I. Friday's. |
| 138 | It's lame, I know. |
| 139 | But I'm a goal-oriented person, very eager to learn. |
| 140 | Okay, just hold on a second, please. |
| 141 | Sorry, it's for Human Resources. |
| 142 | Everybody has to do it. |
| 143 | Would you just stand up, please? |
| 144 | No, no, no, no, no. |
| 145 | Hey. |
| 146 | Ch-ch-ch-ch! |
| 147 | Anyway, I should go. |
| 148 | Okay. Bye. |
| 149 | Hey, sweetie. |
| 150 | Hi, sweetie. |
| 151 | So what was with all the whispering? |
| 152 | I can't tell you. |
| 153 | It's a secret. |
| 154 | Secret? |
| 155 | Married people aren't |
| 156 | supposed to have secrets between one another. |
| 157 | We have too much love and respect for one another. |
| 158 | Aww. |
| 159 | But still, no. |
| 160 | No, I'm serious. |
| 161 | We should tell each other everything. |
| 162 | I do not have any secrets from you. |
| 163 | Really? |
| 164 | Okay, so why don't you tell me |
| 165 | what happened to Ross junior year at Disneyland? |
| 166 | Oh, no, no. I can't do that. |
| 167 | If you tell me |
| 168 | I'll tell you what Phoebe said. |
| 169 | Okay. |
| 170 | Okay. |
| 171 | So, Ross and I are going to Disneyland |
| 172 | and we stop at this restaurant for tacos. |
| 173 | And when I say restaurant, I mean a guy, a hibachi |
| 174 | and the trunk of his car. |
| 175 | So Ross has about ten tacos |
| 176 | and anyway, we're on Space Mountain |
| 177 | and Ross starts to feel a little... iffy. |
| 178 | Oh, my God, he threw up? |
| 179 | No, he visited a town a little south of throw up. |
| 180 | ( laughing ) |
| 181 | So, what was Phoebe's secret? |
| 182 | Nancy Thompson, from Phoebe's old massage place |
| 183 | is getting fired. |
| 184 | Oh. |
| 185 | That's it? |
| 186 | I gave up my Disneyland story for that? |
| 187 | That's right. |
| 188 | You lose, sucker. |
| 189 | Please still marry me. |
| 190 | Chandler, you have an assistant, right? |
| 191 | Did she call? |
| 192 | You-you told her I was sick, right? |
| 193 | Always tell her I am sick. |
| 194 | No, I just don't know... |
| 195 | how do you decide who to hire? |
| 196 | I mean, I've got it narrowed down to two people |
| 197 | One of them has great references and a lot of experience |
| 198 | and then there's this guy... |
| 199 | What about him? |
| 200 | I love him. |
| 201 | He's so pretty |
| 202 | I want to cry. |
| 203 | I don't know what to do. |
| 204 | Tell me what to do. |
| 205 | Come on, you know what to do. |
| 206 | You hire the first one. |
| 207 | You don't hire an assistant because they're cute |
| 208 | you hire them because they're qualified. |
| 209 | Uh-huh. |
| 210 | No, I hear what you're saying, and that makes a lot of sense |
| 211 | but can I just say one more thing? |
| 212 | Look how pretty. |
| 213 | Let me see. |
| 214 | Oh, my God. |
| 215 | Oh... |
| 216 | But no. |
| 217 | No, you can't hire him 'cause it's not professional. |
| 218 | Um, this is for me, yes? |
| 219 | Okay, you're right. |
| 220 | I'll hire Hilda tomorrow. |
| 221 | Dumb old perfect-for-the-job Hilda. |
| 222 | Let me see this guy. |
| 223 | Wow. |
| 224 | Don't show this to Monica. |
| 225 | And don't tell her about the "wow." |
| 226 | ( knocking ) |
| 227 | Hey, Joey. Hey, Terry. |
| 228 | Nice to see you again. |
| 229 | It's been awhile, huh? |
| 230 | Boy, it's funny. |
| 231 | These halls look smaller than they used to. |
| 232 | It's a different building. |
| 233 | So... |
| 234 | Stryker Ramoray, huh? |
| 235 | When do you want me to start? |
| 236 | Why don't we start right now? |
| 237 | Okay. |
| 238 | Here are the audition scenes. |
| 239 | Audition? |
| 240 | I thought you were going to offer me the part. |
| 241 | Why would you think that? |
| 242 | Well, I was Dr. Drake Ramoray, Stryker's twin brother. |
| 243 | Who looks more like me than me, right? |
| 244 | Everybody has to audition. |
| 245 | You know, Terry |
| 246 | I don't really need to do this. |
| 247 | I got my own cable TV series. |
| 248 | With a robot. |
| 249 | I'm sorry, Joey, that's the way it is. |
| 250 | Well... |
| 251 | I guess you think you're pretty special, huh? |
| 252 | Sitting up here in your fancy small-hall building. |
| 253 | Making stars jump through hoops for you, huh? |
| 254 | Well, you know what? |
| 255 | This is one star whose hoop... |
| 256 | this is a star that the hoop... this hoop |
| 257 | I was Dr. Drake Ramoray! |
| 258 | Hi, Tag. |
| 259 | What are you doing here? |
| 260 | I just wanted to come by |
| 261 | and thank you for not laughing in my face yesterday. |
| 262 | And I noticed there aren't any plants in your office |
| 263 | so I wanted to bring you your first. |
| 264 | There is a plant in your office. |
| 265 | Kinda. |
| 266 | Right. |
| 267 | So, I guess I shouldn't put "good at noticing stuff" |
| 268 | on my resume. |
| 269 | Thank you. |
| 270 | Anyway, I'm guessing you hired somebody. |
| 271 | Well... |
| 272 | Gotcha. |
| 273 | Thanks again for meeting with me. |
| 274 | But I hired you. |
| 275 | What? |
| 276 | Yeah, you got the job. |
| 277 | You're my new assistant. |
| 278 | I am? |
| 279 | Yeah. |
| 280 | I can't believe it. |
| 281 | Me either. |
| 282 | Um... |
| 283 | All right, first thing I need you to do |
| 284 | is go downstairs and find a woman named Hilda |
| 285 | and tell her to go home. |
| 286 | Hey. |
| 287 | Hey, good. You're home. |
| 288 | Oh, that's always nicer to hear than |
| 289 | "Aw, crap, you again." |
| 290 | Hey, sweetie. Mmm... |
| 291 | Hey. |
| 292 | I made you a surprise. |
| 293 | Oh, yeah? |
| 294 | Yeah. Tacos! |
| 295 | Ever since you told me that story |
| 296 | I've had such a craving for them. |
| 297 | Did you not understand the story? |
| 298 | Hey. |
| 299 | Ross! Hey, what's up? |
| 300 | Nothing much. Just trying to figure out |
| 301 | what I'm going to do for dinner. |
| 302 | Huh. You know? |
| 303 | Hey, whoo, what's... |
| 304 | What's that, uh, dinner stuff? |
| 305 | Y-you making dinner? |
| 306 | ( timer dings ) No. Shh! |
| 307 | What you got over there, tacos? |
| 308 | No. No. |
| 309 | They, um... they're just, uh... |
| 310 | They're... they're ground beef smilies. |
| 311 | Uh... those are tacos. |
| 312 | Excuse me, Mr. Mexico! |
| 313 | Uh, either way, I'll pass. |
| 314 | Still can't eat those. |
| 315 | ( wry chuckle ) |
| 316 | ( Monica stifling laughter ) |
| 317 | ( laughing ) |
| 318 | What's so funny? |
| 319 | I'm not laughing. |
| 320 | You told her! |
| 321 | Nancy Thompson's getting fired. |
| 322 | Okay, okay. |
| 323 | I had food poisoning. |
| 324 | It's not like I chose to do it. |
| 325 | It's not like... it's not like |
| 326 | I said, "Oh, what would make this ride more fun?" |
| 327 | You're right. You're right. I'm sorry. |
| 328 | I shouldn't be laughing. |
| 329 | I should be laying down papers for you. |
| 330 | ( stifling laughter ) |
| 331 | ( laughing derisively ) |
| 332 | How could you tell her? |
| 333 | I had to, okay? We're getting married. |
| 334 | Married couples can't keep secrets from one another. |
| 335 | Oh, really? Well, I... |
| 336 | I guess Monica should know about Atlantic City. |
| 337 | Du-ude! |
| 338 | What happened in Atlantic City? |
| 339 | Well, Chandler and I were in a bar... |
| 340 | Did you not hear me say, "Du-ude!"? |
| 341 | And this girl is making eyes at Chandler. Okay? |
| 342 | So, after a while, he... he goes over to her |
| 343 | and, uh... after a minute or two, I see them kissing. |
| 344 | Now, I know what you're thinking. |
| 345 | Chandler's not type of guy who just goes to bars |
| 346 | and makes out with girls. |
| 347 | And you're right, Chandler's not the type of guy |
| 348 | who just goes to bars and makes out with girls. |
| 349 | You kissed a guy?! Oh! |
| 350 | Oh, my God! |
| 351 | In my defense, it was dark, and he was a very pretty guy. |
| 352 | ( laughing harder ) |
| 353 | Oh, Mon, I laughed so hard. |
| 354 | Ho-ho! So hard we had to throw out your underwear again? |
| 355 | Whatever, dude, you kissed a guy. |
| 356 | Hi. Hey. Hey. |
| 357 | Ooh, how's Hilda? She working out? |
| 358 | Oh, my new assistant is... working out, yes. |
| 359 | Was she happy you gave her the job? |
| 360 | Oh, my-my new assistant was very happy |
| 361 | that I hired my new assistant. |
| 362 | ( phone ringing ) |
| 363 | Hello. |
| 364 | Oh, hey. |
| 365 | Can you, uh, can you hang on a second? |
| 366 | It's the producers over at Mac and Cheese. |
| 367 | If you'll excuse me for a minute. |
| 368 | Hey, funny you should call. |
| 369 | I was just looking over next week's script. |
| 370 | Canceled?! |
| 371 | Like they're taking it off the air? |
| 372 | Joey: Oh. |
| 373 | All right. |
| 374 | I'll see you Monday. |
| 375 | We're not even shooting them anymore?! |
| 376 | Well, all right. |
| 377 | Bye. |
| 378 | They canceled Mac and Cheese! |
| 379 | I'm sorry. Oh, Joey, sorry, Joey. |
| 380 | Why would they do that? |
| 381 | That was a good show, right? |
| 382 | You want to tell secrets? Okay, okay. |
| 383 | In college, Ross used to wear leg warmers. |
| 384 | ( laughs ) |
| 385 | All right. All right. |
| 386 | Chandler entered a Vanilla Ice look-alike contest and won. |
| 387 | Ross came in fourth and cried! |
| 388 | ( laughing ): Oh, my God! |
| 389 | Oh, is that funny? |
| 390 | Oh, you-you find that funny? |
| 391 | Well, maybe Chandler should know some of your secrets, too. |
| 392 | ( laughing ): I... I already told him everything. |
| 393 | You shush! |
| 394 | Once, Monica was sent to her room without dinner |
| 395 | so she ate the macaroni off a jewelry box she'd made. |
| 396 | Aah! |
| 397 | Um... |
| 398 | Ross used to stay home every Saturday night |
| 399 | to watch Golden Girls. |
| 400 | Monica couldn't tell time until she was 13. |
| 401 | It's hard for some people. |
| 402 | Of course it is. |
| 403 | Chandler one time wore my underwear to work! |
| 404 | Hey! |
| 405 | I'm sorry I couldn't think of any more for Ross. |
| 406 | Ross: Oh, oh! |
| 407 | In college, Chandler got drunk |
| 408 | and slept with the lady who cleaned our dorm. |
| 409 | ( laughs ) |
| 410 | That was you. |
| 411 | ( Monica laughs ) |
| 412 | Whatever, dude, you kissed a guy. |
| 413 | How could this happen to me? |
| 414 | Yesterday I had two TV shows. |
| 415 | Today I've got nothing. |
| 416 | Well, wait a minute. |
| 417 | What happened to Days of Our Lives? |
| 418 | Uh, well, they might be a little mad at me over there. |
| 419 | Wh-wh-what happened? |
| 420 | Well, maybe I got a little upset |
| 421 | and maybe I told them where they could go. |
| 422 | Joey, why would you do that? |
| 423 | Because they wanted me to audition. |
| 424 | You?! An actor?! |
| 425 | That's madness! |
| 426 | Rachel Green's office. |
| 427 | Tag? |
| 428 | Hi. Who was that? |
| 429 | Nobody. |
| 430 | I was just practicing. |
| 431 | Really? |
| 432 | ( tittering ) |
| 433 | Hi. |
| 434 | Hi. Rachel Green's office. |
| 435 | You must be Hilda. |
| 436 | Yeah, this is Tag. |
| 437 | Tag, this is Phoebe. |
| 438 | Phoebe, could I see you for a second? |
| 439 | Phoebe... Mm-hmm. |
| 440 | That's a great name. |
| 441 | Oh, you like that? |
| 442 | You should hear my phone number. |
| 443 | Okay. We'll be right back. |
| 444 | Mmm... |
| 445 | So, you hired yourself a little treat, did ya? |
| 446 | All right, I know. |
| 447 | I know how it looks, Pheebs, but I'm telling you... |
| 448 | But-but you know you cannot get involved with your assistant. |
| 449 | Yes, I know that. I know that. |
| 450 | And I know that hiring him |
| 451 | was probably not the smartest thing that I've ever done |
| 452 | but I'm telling you, from this moment on |
| 453 | I swear, this is strictly professional. |
| 454 | ( knock on door ) Yes? |
| 455 | Rachel: Hi. Hey Rachel. |
| 456 | Cute assistant. |
| 457 | What's his story? |
| 458 | Is he...? |
| 459 | Gay? Yeah. |
| 460 | ( knock on door ) |
| 461 | Hey... |
| 462 | Terry. |
| 463 | Joey Tribbiani! |
| 464 | Surprised your big head could fit through our small halls. |
| 465 | I got to go, Joey. |
| 466 | Wait, Terry, look, wait, uh... |
| 467 | I'm really sorry about before. |
| 468 | I was an idiot, thinking I'm too big to audition for you. |
| 469 | You got to give me another chance. |
| 470 | I can't help you, Joey. |
| 471 | Wait, Terry, please! |
| 472 | Look... |
| 473 | I just lost my other job, okay? |
| 474 | You have no idea how much I need this. |
| 475 | Please, help me out. |
| 476 | For old times' sake. |
| 477 | This poor guy's been in a coma for five years. |
| 478 | It's hopeless. |
| 479 | It's not hopeless. |
| 480 | Dr. Stryker Ramoray's a miracle worker. |
| 481 | Look, here he comes. |
| 482 | Good morning. |
| 483 | Drake, it's your brother, Stryker. |
| 484 | Can you hear me? |
| 485 | Director: And... cut! |
| 486 | I'm back, baby! Ha, ha, ha! |
| 487 | You know, in my defense, um... |
| 488 | there was no glitter on the macaroni and very little glue. |
| 489 | And in my defense, the cleaning lady came on to me. |
| 490 | You have no trouble telling time now, right? |
| 491 | No. |
| 492 | Quick, what time is it? |
| 493 | I don't know. Time to kiss a guy, maybe? |
| 494 | ( chuckling ) |
| 495 | What are you laughing at, Pampers? |
| 496 | You know, when I said that because we're getting married |
| 497 | we should share everything and not have any secrets? |
| 498 | Yeah. |
| 499 | Yeah, that was stupid. |
| 500 | Let's not do that. |
| 501 | Oh. Absolutely. |
| 502 | And we should keep all the stuff we told each other secret |
| 503 | from everybody else. |
| 504 | Yeah, definitely. |
| 505 | ( chuckling ) |
| 506 | Okay, if you'll excuse me |
| 507 | I'm going to go hang out |
| 508 | with some people who don't know the Space Mountain story. |
| 509 | Then I'd steer clear of Phoebe. |
| 510 | Man! |
| 511 | Well. |
| 512 | Yeah, not that you would |
| 513 | but I wouldn't go hang out with all the guys at my office. |
| 514 | ( knock at door ) |
| 515 | Hi. |
| 516 | Do you have a minute? |
| 517 | Oh, yeah, sure. What's up? |
| 518 | I got asked out twice today while I was at lunch... |
| 519 | by guys. |
| 520 | Really? |
| 521 | Yeah. |
| 522 | Did you tell someone that I was gay? |
| 523 | Oh, did you not want people to know that? |
| 524 | No, I'm not gay. |
| 525 | And I especially wouldn't want you to think I was gay. |
| 526 | Why's that? |
| 527 | I don't think I should say. |
| 528 | Oh, you can say. |
| 529 | Come on. |
| 530 | I don't want you to feel like you can't tell me things. |
| 531 | Okay. |
| 532 | 'kay. |
| 533 | Well? |
| 534 | Yeah. |
| 535 | I'd love to ask out your friend Phoebe. |
| 536 | Yeah, she's gay. |
| 537 | [Captioned by The Caption Center WGBH Educational Foundation] |
| 538 | |
| 1 | Hey. |
| 2 | What's the matter? |
| 3 | Somebody on the subway licked my neck-- licked my neck! |
| 4 | Oh! Willy's still alive. |
| 5 | What are you guys doing? |
| 6 | My mom called. They're going to run our engagement announcement |
| 7 | in the local paper, so I'm looking |
| 8 | for a good picture of us. |
| 9 | Ooh, I'm afraid that does not exist. |
| 10 | That's not true. There are great pictures of us. |
| 11 | No, there are great pictures of you |
| 12 | standing next to a guy who's going like this. |
| 13 | Oh, my God! That's the creep that you're with |
| 14 | at the Statue of Liberty! |
| 15 | I don't know what it is. |
| 16 | I just can't take a good picture. |
| 17 | Hmm, here's a great one. |
| 18 | Yeah. I'm not in that. |
| 19 | I know, but look at me, all tan. |
| 20 | Hey, why don't you guys go get portraits done |
| 21 | by a professional photographer? |
| 22 | That's a great idea! |
| 23 | I bet they have one of those wind machines-- |
| 24 | you know, like... |
| 25 | ( imitating wind ) |
| 26 | Yeah, that's great. |
| 27 | Next to that, Chandler won't look so stupid. |
| 28 | So, Chandler, what do you say? |
| 29 | All right, but I should warn you: I'm not going. |
| 30 | I'm going. |
| 31 | ♪ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ♪ |
| 32 | ♪ Your job's a joke, you're broke ♪ |
| 33 | ♪ Your love life's D.O.A. ♪ |
| 34 | ♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪ |
| 35 | ♪ When it hasn't been your day, your week ♪ |
| 36 | ♪ Your month, or even your year ♪ |
| 37 | ♪ But I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 38 | ♪ 'Cause you're there for me, too. ♪ |
| 39 | Dude, that reverse lay-up... |
| 40 | Oh! And how about those three-pointers? |
| 41 | Amazing! |
| 42 | And those guys were this close |
| 43 | to letting us play this time, too. |
| 44 | Hey, look, look-- Phoebe's talking to, uh, "cute coffeehouse guy." |
| 45 | Oh, you guys call him "Cute Coffeehouse Guy"? |
| 46 | We call him "Hums While He Pees." |
| 47 | Yes, and we call Ross "Lingers in the Bathroom." |
| 48 | Hey, you guys? |
| 49 | "Hums While He Pees" just asked me out. |
| 50 | Wait, I thought that guy was married. |
| 51 | He is, but he's getting divorced. |
| 52 | Ross, maybe you know him. |
| 53 | It's not a club. |
| 54 | Phoebe, if this guy's going through a divorce |
| 55 | is it such a good idea to start going out with him? |
| 56 | Hey, divorced men are not bad men. |
| 57 | They have that on the napkins at the club. |
| 58 | Oh, I got to get back to work. |
| 59 | You don't have to be back for a half hour. |
| 60 | Yeah, but my assistant Tag |
| 61 | does sit-ups in the office during lunch. |
| 62 | ( sighing ) |
| 63 | Oh, I could just spread him on a cracker. |
| 64 | Rach, if you have a crush on this guy, why would you hire him? |
| 65 | I mean, you know can't date him, right? |
| 66 | Oh, no, I know that, I know that... |
| 67 | although we made a joke, though |
| 68 | that we spend so much time together |
| 69 | he should call me his work wife. |
| 70 | Soon he'll be able to call you |
| 71 | "That Lady He Knew That Got Fired." |
| 72 | I'm not going to get fired |
| 73 | because I'm not going to act on it. |
| 74 | So, then, you wouldn't mind if he was dating someone else? |
| 75 | Why? Is he? |
| 76 | He is, isn't he? |
| 77 | He's dating that slut in marketing. |
| 78 | Maybe I should open a divorced men's club. |
| 79 | Dude, that's so sad. |
| 80 | I can put a basketball court in the back. |
| 81 | ( laughing ) |
| 82 | Could I play? |
| 83 | Oh. |
| 84 | No sit-ups today, Tag? |
| 85 | I just did them. |
| 86 | Oh... Well, drop and give me ten more. |
| 87 | What? |
| 88 | I-I had a drink with lunch. |
| 89 | Did those, um... |
| 90 | Did those cost reports come in? |
| 91 | Yeah. I filled them out last night. |
| 92 | Oh, great. Could you make me four copies of those? |
| 93 | Sure. |
| 94 | Great. Thank you. |
| 95 | Mmm... |
| 96 | Huh. |
| 97 | Oh... |
| 98 | Hey, Rachel. |
| 99 | ( gasping ): Oh, hi. Hi, Melissa, what's up? |
| 100 | I'm just, uh, I'm just about to, uh... |
| 101 | go out to the store |
| 102 | and get some stuff to put in my backpack-- |
| 103 | you know, like, dried fruit and granola |
| 104 | and stuff like that. |
| 105 | Uh, what's up? |
| 106 | Is Tag here? |
| 107 | No. Why? |
| 108 | Oh, well, I was going to talk to him about doing |
| 109 | something tonight, mm-hmm. |
| 110 | You got a little crush on Tag there, do ya? |
| 111 | Well, we've been flirting back and forth |
| 112 | but I was hoping tonight it would turn into something |
| 113 | a little more than that. |
| 114 | Oh, okay. Whoa, whoa, easy there, Melissa. |
| 115 | This ain't a locker room, okay? |
| 116 | But, you know, I remember him saying |
| 117 | that-that he had plans tonight. |
| 118 | Oh, no. |
| 119 | Oh, yeah. |
| 120 | All right, back to work. |
| 121 | Hey, isn't that Tag's backpack? |
| 122 | Yeah. Melissa, you know, I don't want to be known |
| 123 | as the, uh, office bitch, but I will call your supervisor. |
| 124 | Great. |
| 125 | That's great, Monica. |
| 126 | Great. |
| 127 | Now, Chandler, you want to give us |
| 128 | a smile? |
| 129 | Okay. |
| 130 | I'm sorry, is the seat uncomfortable? |
| 131 | No. I am. |
| 132 | Chandler, sweetie, I know you can do this, okay? |
| 133 | You have a beautiful smile. |
| 134 | I do? |
| 135 | Yeah! |
| 136 | All right, maybe you don't have to smile. |
| 137 | Let's try something else. |
| 138 | Let's try, um... try looking sexy. |
| 139 | Okay. |
| 140 | Or not. |
| 141 | Hi, Joey! What are you doing here? |
| 142 | Uh, well, I got an audition down the street |
| 143 | and I spilled sauce all over the front of my shirt. |
| 144 | You got an extra one? |
| 145 | Yeah, sure. |
| 146 | Uh... |
| 147 | Here. |
| 148 | Great. |
| 149 | You got anything that's not Ralph Lauren? |
| 150 | Yeah, I-I don't think so, Joe. |
| 151 | All right, I guess this'll be fine. |
| 152 | Hey, listen, what are you doing tonight? |
| 153 | Nothing. Why? |
| 154 | How would you feel about taking out my assistant, Tag? I'll pay. |
| 155 | Rach, I gotta say, it's gonna take a lot of money |
| 156 | for me to go out on a date with a dude. |
| 157 | I'm not asking you to go out on a date with him. |
| 158 | Really? 'Cause I could kind of use the money. |
| 159 | Joey, just-just, he's new in town |
| 160 | and I know he doesn't have any guy friends. |
| 161 | Just take him to, like, a ballgame or something. |
| 162 | I'd really appreciate it. |
| 163 | Yeah, okay, sure, no problem. |
| 164 | Thank you. |
| 165 | Ooh! Hey, doughnuts. |
| 166 | Yeah. |
| 167 | Okay. |
| 168 | I know. |
| 169 | Let's try a look of far-off wonderment, okay? |
| 170 | We'll gaze into our future |
| 171 | and we'll think about our marriage |
| 172 | and the days to come. |
| 173 | Chandler, what is the matter with your face?! |
| 174 | This picture is supposed to say |
| 175 | "Geller and Bing to be married" |
| 176 | not "Local woman saves drowning moron." |
| 177 | ( chuckling ) |
| 178 | Hey, don't laugh at him. |
| 179 | He's my drowning moron. |
| 180 | Aw... |
| 181 | That's it! That's it! Take it, take it. |
| 182 | I like this one. |
| 183 | It seems to say |
| 184 | "I love you, and that's why I have to kill you.' |
| 185 | They can't all be bad. |
| 186 | Find the one where you make your bedroom eyes. |
| 187 | Oh, there it is. |
| 188 | Oh, my God, those are my bedroom eyes? |
| 189 | Why did you ever sleep with me? |
| 190 | Do you really want to pull at that thread? |
| 191 | ( laughing ): I'm having a really good time. |
| 192 | Me, too. |
| 193 | Sorry that guy on the subway licked your neck. |
| 194 | Oh, no, that's okay. |
| 195 | He's a friend. |
| 196 | Hey, uh, I don't mean to be presumptuous |
| 197 | but I have these two tickets |
| 198 | to the Ballroom Dancing Finals tomorrow night |
| 199 | if you want to go. |
| 200 | Yeah. |
| 201 | I... well, you know, I missed the semifinals |
| 202 | so I think I would just be lost. |
| 203 | Look, I know that it's really lame |
| 204 | but I got these tickets from my boss, and... |
| 205 | Oh, no, no, no. My God... |
| 206 | Okay, don't freak out. I'll go. |
| 207 | My ex-wife Whitney is out there. |
| 208 | I cannot deal with her right now. |
| 209 | That woman is crazy. |
| 210 | Okay, I know. Hold on. |
| 211 | Hey, Ross? |
| 212 | Yeah? |
| 213 | Um, that's Whitney, Kyle's ex-wife, out there. |
| 214 | Now, do you think you could, you know, divert her |
| 215 | so we could slip out? |
| 216 | What?! No. |
| 217 | Well, okay. |
| 218 | But I have two tickets to the Ballroom Dance Finals... |
| 219 | Look, I don't think so, Pheebs. |
| 220 | ( sighing ): All right, I'll do it. |
| 221 | Oh. |
| 222 | But just because you're a friend. |
| 223 | Okay. |
| 224 | D-ohh! |
| 225 | Hi, Ginger. |
| 226 | All right, I want my key back. |
| 227 | I don't have it. |
| 228 | It's right there. |
| 229 | ( groaning ) |
| 230 | Okay, Sherlock. |
| 231 | All right, I'm sorry, but you'd better go, Pheebs. |
| 232 | All right. I just wanted to say thank you, though |
| 233 | for diverting Kyle's ex. |
| 234 | Oh, yeah, no, you're welcome. |
| 235 | We'll talk about it later. |
| 236 | Okay. |
| 237 | Hi, Whitney. |
| 238 | Hi, Ross. |
| 239 | You... ready for breakfast? |
| 240 | Yep... oops. |
| 241 | Kyle's ex-wife? |
| 242 | You were supposed to divert her, not date her. |
| 243 | Hi. I'm sorry. |
| 244 | Can you give me a second while I talk to this woman |
| 245 | uh, who, by the way, did not spend the night? |
| 246 | Sure. |
| 247 | Okay. |
| 248 | I did divert her, and we ended up having a great time, okay? |
| 249 | Watching ballroom dancing? |
| 250 | Yes. That's where we realized we were both supercool people. |
| 251 | Well, look, okay, Ross. |
| 252 | Kyle just told me some really bad stuff about her. |
| 253 | Like, like what? |
| 254 | Like she's really mean |
| 255 | and she's overly critical, and, and... |
| 256 | no, she will paint a room a really bright color |
| 257 | without even checking with you. |
| 258 | Okay...? |
| 259 | And she uses sex as a weapon. |
| 260 | Fine. Thank you for warning me. |
| 261 | At breakfast, I'll be on full alert |
| 262 | for room-painting and sex weapons. |
| 263 | You're still going to go out with her? |
| 264 | Yeah! |
| 265 | Well, didn't you hear what I just said? |
| 266 | Pheebs, come on... |
| 267 | I mean, consider the source. |
| 268 | Of course her ex-husband's going to say that stuff. |
| 269 | Now, if you'll excuse me... |
| 270 | No, listen to me! She is crazy! |
| 271 | Uh, your door isn't soundproof. |
| 272 | You see? |
| 273 | Nothing is good enough for her. |
| 274 | Good morning. |
| 275 | Hi, Tag! |
| 276 | So, did you have fun with, uh, with Joey last night? |
| 277 | Oh, yeah. We went to the Knicks game. |
| 278 | Oh, that's nice. |
| 279 | Then we went out to this bar |
| 280 | and he hooked us up with all these women. |
| 281 | W-women? |
| 282 | You mean, like, old women? |
| 283 | Oh, kind of old, like, 30? |
| 284 | Oh. |
| 285 | And I never used to able to just talk to girls in bars |
| 286 | but I got, like, 20 phone numbers last night. |
| 287 | Oh, that's great! |
| 288 | Wow, man, so Joey |
| 289 | must have really taught you some stuff, huh? |
| 290 | A little. |
| 291 | ( imitating Joey): How you doin'? |
| 292 | Joey: See, that's a great smile. |
| 293 | Easy, natural... |
| 294 | Now, pretend I have a camera. |
| 295 | You're changing it. |
| 296 | I can't help it. |
| 297 | All right, all right, all right. |
| 298 | You want to know what I do |
| 299 | when I take resume shots? |
| 300 | Borrow money from me? |
| 301 | ( weak laugh ) |
| 302 | Okay, first of all |
| 303 | you want to make it look spontaneous, right? |
| 304 | Okay, so here's what I do. |
| 305 | I look down... |
| 306 | look down... |
| 307 | keep looking down... then I look up. |
| 308 | See? All right, now you try it. |
| 309 | Look down... |
| 310 | you're looking down... |
| 311 | keep looking down... |
| 312 | Why is there jelly on your shoe? |
| 313 | I had a doughnut. |
| 314 | Hi. Hey. Hey. |
| 315 | So, I heard you had some fun |
| 316 | with Tag last night. |
| 317 | Yeah, that guy's all right. |
| 318 | Yeah, and you had fun teaching him to be all Joey. |
| 319 | What? |
| 320 | You know, all the women. |
| 321 | Hey, you can't teach someone to be good with women. |
| 322 | That's why I never had any luck with Chandler. |
| 323 | I'm right here. |
| 324 | Right. Well, would you mind |
| 325 | just not going out with him again? |
| 326 | Just the idea of you and he and all these women, it just... |
| 327 | and I know he's my assistant and I can't date him |
| 328 | ba-la-la... but it just bothers me, all right? |
| 329 | Hey, no, no, no |
| 330 | you can't take him away from me. |
| 331 | I got a great partner to pick up girls with, finally! |
| 332 | I'm still right here! |
| 333 | All right, will you at least talk to him |
| 334 | and tell him how hollow and unsatisfying |
| 335 | this "dating tons of women" thing is? |
| 336 | What? |
| 337 | I just don't want him to meet anybody |
| 338 | until I'm over my crush. |
| 339 | And I will get over it. |
| 340 | It's not like I love him. |
| 341 | It's just physical. |
| 342 | But, you know, I mean |
| 343 | I get crushes like this all the time. |
| 344 | I had a crush on you when I first met you. |
| 345 | I know. Monica told me. |
| 346 | Did you have a crush on me |
| 347 | when you first met me? |
| 348 | Yeah, sure. |
| 349 | Can you people not see me? |
| 350 | So, will you talk to him? |
| 351 | I don't know, Rach. |
| 352 | Oh, come on. |
| 353 | I'll give you ten free Ralph Lauren shirts. |
| 354 | One. |
| 355 | No, ten. You said ten. |
| 356 | You can't take that back. |
| 357 | Hey, Joey. |
| 358 | You wanted to talk to me? |
| 359 | I don't know. |
| 360 | You got something for me? |
| 361 | Oh, yeah, this is from Rachel. |
| 362 | Ten... |
| 363 | Okay. |
| 364 | Now, Tag, there's such a thing as too many women. |
| 365 | Really? |
| 366 | Yeah, for you. |
| 367 | Hey, there you are. |
| 368 | There I am. |
| 369 | You okay? |
| 370 | Yeah. Joey said I needed to relax |
| 371 | so he gave me an antihistamine. |
| 372 | What? |
| 373 | Yeah, then I fell asleep on the subway |
| 374 | and went all the way to Brooklyn. |
| 375 | Brooklyn is f... far. |
| 376 | Chandler, what were you thinking? |
| 377 | No, no, but don't worry, don't worry |
| 378 | because I know how to take a picture now. |
| 379 | Okay, see? |
| 380 | Look down... |
| 381 | You look down... |
| 382 | Look down... |
| 383 | Chandler? |
| 384 | Yeah! |
| 385 | Hi. |
| 386 | Hi. |
| 387 | So how are things going |
| 388 | with Crazy? |
| 389 | Has she cooked your rabbit yet? |
| 390 | Listen, you are hearing one side of the story. |
| 391 | And FYI, she must have shown Kyle |
| 392 | over 30 paint samples |
| 393 | before she painted that room. |
| 394 | And his response |
| 395 | to each one was, "I don't give a tiny rat's ass." |
| 396 | Yeah, well, maybe she should have spent |
| 397 | a little less time decorating |
| 398 | and a little more time in the bedroom. |
| 399 | Well, I don't think we are going to have that problem |
| 400 | but maybe that's just because I am not emotionally unavailable. |
| 401 | You think he's emotionally unavailable? |
| 402 | I think he can be. |
| 403 | Well, maybe he wouldn't be |
| 404 | if she didn't bring the office home with her every night. |
| 405 | Well, excuse her for knowing |
| 406 | what she wants to do with her life. |
| 407 | Yeah, well, she certainly knew what she was doing |
| 408 | New Year's Eve 1997. |
| 409 | I knew you were going to throw that in my face. |
| 410 | That was three years ago. |
| 411 | She apologized and apologized. |
| 412 | What more do you want?! |
| 413 | We want the last six years back! |
| 414 | So do we! So do we! |
| 415 | I'm sorry you had to see that. |
| 416 | Morning, Rachel. |
| 417 | Hi. |
| 418 | Hey, so what'd you do last night? |
| 419 | Went out with Joey. |
| 420 | Oh, yeah? |
| 421 | Another night of bird-dogging the chicas? |
| 422 | No. We had a really good talk. |
| 423 | I don't think I'm going |
| 424 | to do that bar scene anymore. |
| 425 | Wow. I did not see that coming. |
| 426 | It's just not really who I am. |
| 427 | You know, I've always been happier when... |
| 428 | Why am I telling you this? |
| 429 | You don't care about this stuff. |
| 430 | Yes, I do, I do. |
| 431 | Tell me... |
| 432 | Go on. You were saying "I am happier when I'm..." |
| 433 | When I'm in a relationship. |
| 434 | I love having a girlfriend. |
| 435 | Really? |
| 436 | Yeah. Someone I can spoil, you know? |
| 437 | Spoil? |
| 438 | Uh-huh. |
| 439 | Let me ask you something. |
| 440 | Uh-huh. |
| 441 | Do you believe there's one perfect person |
| 442 | for everyone? |
| 443 | I-I'm starting to. |
| 444 | If that person's |
| 445 | already in your life |
| 446 | you should do something about it, right? |
| 447 | Yes. Hell, yes. |
| 448 | All right, then, it's settled. |
| 449 | Okay. |
| 450 | I'm getting back together with my ex-girlfriend. |
| 451 | I would love to. |
| 452 | What? |
| 453 | Hello? |
| 454 | Oh, yeah... |
| 455 | This is going to be a while. |
| 456 | Excuse me. |
| 457 | Okay. |
| 458 | Yeah. |
| 459 | Yuck! |
| 460 | ( spoon clanking ) |
| 461 | My God! |
| 462 | Oh, I'm sorry. Is that annoying? |
| 463 | Oh, and speaking of being selfish in bed, how's Whitney? |
| 464 | Well, maybe she wouldn't have to be selfish in bed |
| 465 | if someone else knew where everything was. |
| 466 | Oh, he knows. |
| 467 | For the most part. |
| 468 | Oh, hey. |
| 469 | Good, you're both here. |
| 470 | We kind of need to talk. |
| 471 | Both of you together? |
| 472 | What's up? |
| 473 | Well, I went over to Kyle's last night |
| 474 | to pick up a few things |
| 475 | and... we got to reminiscing. |
| 476 | Kyle: We talked through most of the night |
| 477 | and we realized that the reason |
| 478 | we're so angry with each other |
| 479 | is because there's still feelings there. |
| 480 | So... |
| 481 | Oh, just say it, Kyle! |
| 482 | We're going to give it another try. |
| 483 | What about her whining |
| 484 | and her constant need for attention? |
| 485 | I'm going to work on that. |
| 486 | Oh, right, 'cause you're so capable of change. |
| 487 | You know, he hums when he pees. |
| 488 | I do know. |
| 489 | Makes him miss the bowl, but whatever. |
| 490 | We're so sorry. |
| 491 | Ross: That's all right. |
| 492 | We don't need you. |
| 493 | In fact, I'm over it already. |
| 494 | And you know what? |
| 495 | I don't even give a tiny rat's ass. |
| 496 | Yeah. We're going to go. |
| 497 | I'm sorry. |
| 498 | Pheebs, you were right about her. |
| 499 | You know, she did try to use sex as a weapon. |
| 500 | I hurt my back a little. |
| 501 | You know, he hums while he does other stuff, too. |
| 502 | Yeah, we're better off without them. |
| 503 | And you know |
| 504 | even if they break up again |
| 505 | you better not let him in your Sad Men's Club. |
| 506 | Divorced Men's Club. |
| 507 | Potato, Potahto. |
| 508 | Hey, guys, check it out. |
| 509 | My mom sent me the paper. |
| 510 | Ooh, let's see it. |
| 511 | Okay. |
| 512 | Oh, yeah, that looks good. |
| 513 | You guys make a very attractive couple. |
| 514 | Yeah, we look great together. |
| 515 | We really do. |
| 516 | Okay. |
| 517 | Imagine what our kids would look like. |
| 518 | You know, we don't have to imagine. |
| 519 | I'm marrying her. |
| 520 | We'll just see. |
| 521 | |
| 1 | Okay, the reason why |
| 2 | I asked you guys out to brunch today is |
| 3 | because I've been doing some thinking |
| 4 | about who should be my Maid of Honor. |
| 5 | Oh, my God, this is it! |
| 6 | Oh! |
| 7 | I really hope it's you. |
| 8 | I hope it's you. |
| 9 | Me, too. |
| 10 | First of all, I love you both so much |
| 11 | and you're both so important to me... |
| 12 | Okay, blah-la-la-la. Who is it? |
| 13 | Well, I was thinking that |
| 14 | maybe we could come up with a system |
| 15 | where we trade off being Maid of Honor for each other. |
| 16 | Like, hypothetically, if Phoebe were mine... |
| 17 | Yes! Oh! |
| 18 | Hypothetically. |
| 19 | Still. |
| 20 | If Phoebe were my Maid of Honor, Rachel would be Phoebe's. |
| 21 | I would be Rachel's. |
| 22 | That way we all get to do it once and no one would get upset. |
| 23 | Uh-hmm. No, that's actually a pretty good idea. |
| 24 | Yeah, I'll do that. |
| 25 | So, who gets to be yours? |
| 26 | Well, this is the best part. |
| 27 | You guys get to decide. |
| 28 | Why is that the best part? |
| 29 | Because then I don't have to. |
| 30 | Well, of course we will help you decide. |
| 31 | We will do anything we can to help you. |
| 32 | Okay, now, I'd like to make a toast: |
| 33 | To the future Mrs. Chandler Bing |
| 34 | my best friend |
| 35 | and truly one of the nicest people that... |
| 36 | Really not deciding. |
| 37 | Fine! |
| 38 | Excuse me. |
| 39 | I couldn't help overhearing. |
| 40 | You're marrying Chandler Bing? |
| 41 | Yeah, that's right. |
| 42 | Huh... |
| 43 | Good luck! |
| 44 | Oh, and good luck to you, too. |
| 45 | What a nice lady. |
| 46 | ♪ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ♪ |
| 47 | ♪ Your job's a joke, you're broke ♪ |
| 48 | ♪ Your love life's D.O.A. ♪ |
| 49 | ♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪ |
| 50 | ♪ When it hasn't been your day, your week ♪ |
| 51 | ♪ Your month, or even your year ♪ |
| 52 | ♪ But I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 53 | ♪ 'Cause you're there for me, too. ♪ |
| 54 | Both: Yeah! Woo-hoo! |
| 55 | Die Hard-- still great. |
| 56 | Yup. |
| 57 | Hey, what do you say we make it a double feature? |
| 58 | What else did you rent? |
| 59 | Die Hard II! |
| 60 | Joey, this is Die Hard I again. |
| 61 | Oh... |
| 62 | Well, we watch it a second time |
| 63 | and it's Die Hard II! |
| 64 | Joey, we just saw it. |
| 65 | And? |
| 66 | And it would be cool to see it again. Yeah! |
| 67 | Both: Die Hard! |
| 68 | Dude, you didn't say "Die Hard." |
| 69 | Is everything okay? |
| 70 | Yeah, I just got, uh, I got plans. |
| 71 | Well, John McClain had plans. |
| 72 | No, you see, the thing is, I want to get out of here |
| 73 | before Joey gets all worked up |
| 74 | and starts calling everybody "bitch." |
| 75 | What are you talking about, bitch? |
| 76 | Yeah? Hey, Rachel. |
| 77 | When I get married, will you be my Maid of Honor? |
| 78 | Really? |
| 79 | Oh, my God, Phoebe. I mean, I'm just... |
| 80 | Wait a minute. |
| 81 | If I'm your Maid of Honor |
| 82 | that means that you are Monica's. |
| 83 | Oh... |
| 84 | Well, if that's what you want. |
| 85 | Oh! |
| 86 | No! Wait, Phoebe. |
| 87 | I want to be Monica's. |
| 88 | But why does it even matter? |
| 89 | Why does it matter so much to you? |
| 90 | Because this one is now! |
| 91 | And, and it's two of our best friends. |
| 92 | Who knows what you're going to marry? |
| 93 | What, what if I marry Ross? |
| 94 | Or Joey? |
| 95 | ( gasps ) |
| 96 | You wouldn't. |
| 97 | Okay, look, Rachel |
| 98 | I know you really want to do this |
| 99 | but I've never been Maid of Honor |
| 100 | to anyone before |
| 101 | and I know you've done it at least twice. |
| 102 | Yeah, but, Phoebe... |
| 103 | Please, oh, please, let me finish. |
| 104 | Oh, I guess that was it. |
| 105 | Okay. |
| 106 | Okay, since you've never done it before |
| 107 | you can be Monica's Maid of Honor. |
| 108 | Oh, thank you so much! |
| 109 | Yay. |
| 110 | ( sighs ) |
| 111 | I'm going to marry someone good, you know. |
| 112 | Oh, I know. |
| 113 | Better than Chandler. |
| 114 | ( scoffs ) |
| 115 | ( both scream ) |
| 116 | What happened?! |
| 117 | I don't know. |
| 118 | We fell asleep, that is all. |
| 119 | Yeah, yeah, yeah. |
| 120 | All right. |
| 121 | Well, uh, I better go. |
| 122 | Yeah, I think that would be best. |
| 123 | Yeah, all right. I'll talk to you later. |
| 124 | Okay. |
| 125 | But not about this. |
| 126 | No, never! |
| 127 | Never! |
| 128 | So, uh... |
| 129 | Bye. |
| 130 | No touch! No touch! |
| 131 | No. |
| 132 | Hey, you know, a weird thing happened today |
| 133 | when I was at brunch. |
| 134 | This woman overheard that I was marrying you |
| 135 | and she wished me good luck. |
| 136 | That's sweet. |
| 137 | No, it was more like a "good luck!" |
| 138 | So, uh, what did this woman look like? |
| 139 | She was, like, 30, dark hair, attractive. |
| 140 | Well, is there any chance you were looking |
| 141 | into a bright, shiny thing called a mirror? |
| 142 | Come on. |
| 143 | Was it someone you dated in college? |
| 144 | No, no, I only dated two girls in college |
| 145 | both blonde, both not attractive... |
| 146 | Hold on one second. |
| 147 | Let me check this out. |
| 148 | What are you doing? |
| 149 | Well, let's see. |
| 150 | Okay, uh, is that her? |
| 151 | Oh, my God, yes! |
| 152 | Who is she? |
| 153 | Julie Graff, my camp girlfriend. |
| 154 | Did you break up with her? |
| 155 | No, we're still together. |
| 156 | ( chuckles ) |
| 157 | Yeah, we went out for two summers |
| 158 | and then I broke up with her. |
| 159 | Why? |
| 160 | Well, because she came back the third summer |
| 161 | and she had gotten really fa...aaaa...aaaa... |
| 162 | Fat? |
| 163 | I did not say fat. |
| 164 | I said fa...aaaa...aaaa... |
| 165 | You broke up with a girl because she was fat? |
| 166 | Yeah, yeah, but it was a really, really |
| 167 | long time ago. |
| 168 | Does she still feel bad? |
| 169 | Apparently, she does. |
| 170 | Well, you know what they say, elephants never forget. |
| 171 | Seriously, good luck marrying me. |
| 172 | Hey, what's going on? |
| 173 | Hey, Phoebe is going to be Monica's Maid of Honor. |
| 174 | Hey, well I hope it goes better |
| 175 | than the last time you did it |
| 176 | for that girl downstairs, remember? |
| 177 | What? Hey! |
| 178 | You have been Maid of Honor before? |
| 179 | You see, this is exactly why you shouldn't lie. |
| 180 | All right, that's it. |
| 181 | I am Maid of Honor. |
| 182 | No, I am! |
| 183 | How come you are? |
| 184 | Because I cared enough to lie. |
| 185 | Hey, hey, hey. |
| 186 | I can help you decide who should do it. |
| 187 | Yeah, we could have, like, an audition |
| 188 | and see how you'd handle Maid-of-Honor-type situations. |
| 189 | What are you talking about? |
| 190 | Like when I want a job, I go to an audition. |
| 191 | And if I'm the best of the people they see |
| 192 | they give me the part. |
| 193 | Okay, so after this audition |
| 194 | who decides who gets it? |
| 195 | Oh, uh, me and Ross could be the judges. |
| 196 | Well, it's better than us deciding. |
| 197 | Oh, come on, this is crazy. Can't we just flip a coin? |
| 198 | No, coins hate me. |
| 199 | Okay, fine. You know what? |
| 200 | We will let Ross and Joey decide. |
| 201 | All right. |
| 202 | ( seductively ): Hi, Ross |
| 203 | sweetie. |
| 204 | Hey, there, handsome thing. |
| 205 | Wow, this cologne really is every bit as good as Georgio. |
| 206 | Hey. |
| 207 | Just, uh, brought back your videos. |
| 208 | Hey, uh, Ross, look, uh, I think we need to talk about before. |
| 209 | No. No, we don't. |
| 210 | Yes, we do. |
| 211 | Now, look |
| 212 | that was the best nap I ever had! |
| 213 | I don't, I don't know what you're talking about. |
| 214 | Come on. Admit it. |
| 215 | That was the best nap you ever had! |
| 216 | I've had better. |
| 217 | Okay. When? |
| 218 | All right, all right! |
| 219 | It was the best nap ever! |
| 220 | Uh-huh. |
| 221 | I said it, okay! |
| 222 | But it's over, Joey! |
| 223 | I want to do it again. |
| 224 | We can't do it again. |
| 225 | Why not? |
| 226 | Because it's weird! |
| 227 | Fine. |
| 228 | You want something to drink? |
| 229 | Sure, what do you got? |
| 230 | Warm milk and Excedrin P.M. |
| 231 | Chandler. |
| 232 | Chandler, I just figured out who you are. |
| 233 | Can you figure out what I'm doing? |
| 234 | You're Louis Posin. |
| 235 | Who? |
| 236 | Louis Posin. He was my best friend in fifth grade |
| 237 | and then one day I asked him to be my boyfriend |
| 238 | and he said no. |
| 239 | Do you know why? |
| 240 | Because you kept talking to him |
| 241 | while he was trying to go to the bathroom? |
| 242 | No, but because he thought I was too "fa...aaaa..." |
| 243 | And every time I think about it |
| 244 | it makes me feel as bad as I did in fifth grade. |
| 245 | You know, I really think that you should |
| 246 | apologize to Julie. |
| 247 | Honey, are you kidding? |
| 248 | That was, like, 16 years ago. |
| 249 | I know, but, you know, it would make me feel better |
| 250 | if Louis apologized to me. |
| 251 | Okay, I will do it, but I have to warn you |
| 252 | this may make me a better person, and that is not the man |
| 253 | you fell in love with. |
| 254 | All right, this is how it's going to work. |
| 255 | We're going to give you |
| 256 | hypothetical Maid of Honor situations |
| 257 | and you'll be scored on a scale of one to ten |
| 258 | one being the highest. |
| 259 | No, ten is the highest. |
| 260 | Why is ten the highest? |
| 261 | Because it's the highest. |
| 262 | Okay, Rachel |
| 263 | you're up first. |
| 264 | Situation #1. |
| 265 | You're with Monica. |
| 266 | The wedding is about to start |
| 267 | when Monica gets cold feet. Go! |
| 268 | I don't want to marry Chandler! |
| 269 | Okay, um... |
| 270 | I've got cold feet. |
| 271 | It's going to be okay. |
| 272 | One man the rest of my life? |
| 273 | I don't know if I can do it. |
| 274 | This means I'll never get to sleep with Joey! |
| 275 | Look, Monica, getting cold feet is very common, you know? |
| 276 | It's just because of all the anticipation. |
| 277 | And you just have to remember that you love Chandler. |
| 278 | And also, I ran out on a wedding. |
| 279 | You don't get to keep the gifts. |
| 280 | Very good. Drawing on your own experience. |
| 281 | Thanks, cool. |
| 282 | Okay, good. |
| 283 | Yes, very nice, Rachel. |
| 284 | Thank you, judges. |
| 285 | Oh, kiss ass. |
| 286 | Uh! |
| 287 | Okay, Phoebe. |
| 288 | Yes, Your Honor. |
| 289 | We're now in the ceremony. |
| 290 | Monica is about to say "I do" |
| 291 | when her drunk uncle starts yelling. |
| 292 | What do you do? Go! |
| 293 | When Monica was a little girl |
| 294 | I remember that... |
| 295 | ( yells ) |
| 296 | Oh! |
| 297 | Ow! |
| 298 | Very good! |
| 299 | Yes, excellent. Perfect score. |
| 300 | Wait a minute. |
| 301 | She just made a scene |
| 302 | in the middle of the ceremony. |
| 303 | Hey, you want a little taste of Pheebs? |
| 304 | It is time for you |
| 305 | to give your Maid of Honor speech. |
| 306 | Oh, wait a minute, we haven't even prepa... |
| 307 | Go! |
| 308 | Okay, okay, um... |
| 309 | Webster's dictionary defines marriage as a... |
| 310 | No, no, forget that! That sucks! |
| 311 | Okay, never mind. Forget it. |
| 312 | Um, um, okay. |
| 313 | Uh, I met Monica when we were just a couple of six-year-olds |
| 314 | and, uh, became friends with Chandler when he was 25... |
| 315 | although he seemed like a six-year-old. |
| 316 | Oh, that was nice. |
| 317 | Thank you. Thank you very much. |
| 318 | Um, I've known them separately and I've known them together |
| 319 | and to know them as a couple is |
| 320 | to know that you are truly in the presence of love. |
| 321 | So, I would like to raise my glass to Monica and Chandler |
| 322 | and the beautiful adventure |
| 323 | they are about to embark upon together. |
| 324 | I can think of no two people better prepared for the journey. |
| 325 | Wow. |
| 326 | Great speech. |
| 327 | Yeah, it really was. |
| 328 | Oh, thanks. |
| 329 | Okay, Phoebe, I guess you're next... |
| 330 | although I really |
| 331 | don't see the point. |
| 332 | Yeah. |
| 333 | Okay. |
| 334 | ( clears throat ) |
| 335 | I can't believe that |
| 336 | Monica and Chandler are getting married. |
| 337 | I remember talking about this day with Rachel |
| 338 | while we were showering together... naked. |
| 339 | And she's back in the game! |
| 340 | Julie, hi. |
| 341 | Chandler Bing. |
| 342 | I, uh, guess you remember me. |
| 343 | Hello, Skidmark. |
| 344 | It's a nickname. |
| 345 | I'll explain later. |
| 346 | It's pretty clear. |
| 347 | Uh, I owe you a long-overdue apology. |
| 348 | I never should've broken up with you |
| 349 | because you were overweight. |
| 350 | That's why you broke up with me? |
| 351 | Y-y-you didn't know that? |
| 352 | Well, I guess my work here is done. |
| 353 | Well, first of all, I would like to say |
| 354 | that you both performed very well, okay? |
| 355 | You should be proud of yourselves. |
| 356 | And I'd also like to say |
| 357 | that in this competition, there are no losers... |
| 358 | Well, except Rachel... |
| 359 | Damn it! |
| 360 | Really? I won? |
| 361 | What? |
| 362 | I'm sorry, Rach. |
| 363 | It was really close. |
| 364 | Well, then, I demand a recount! |
| 365 | Actually it wasn't that close. |
| 366 | No! You know what? |
| 367 | No. Your thing was so stupid anyway. |
| 368 | We're going to flip a coin. |
| 369 | ( gasps ) |
| 370 | All right? Heads. |
| 371 | Oh! |
| 372 | The coins have finally forgiven me. |
| 373 | Well, you know what? |
| 374 | I hope Monica forgives you after you throw her |
| 375 | her vegetarian, voodoo, goddess-circle-y shower. |
| 376 | Rach, it's going to be okay. |
| 377 | You guys are the best. |
| 378 | Boy, I'll tell you |
| 379 | that judging stuff took a lot out of me. |
| 380 | Yeah? |
| 381 | Yeah, I was thinking about maybe going upstairs |
| 382 | and taking a little nap on my couch... |
| 383 | Wh-why would I care about that? |
| 384 | No reason. |
| 385 | I'm just saying that, uh... |
| 386 | ...that's where I'll be. |
| 387 | As bad as that went |
| 388 | I actually enjoyed myself. |
| 389 | I think that I am going |
| 390 | to apologize for all the stupid things that I do. |
| 391 | Why don't you just stop doing stupid things? |
| 392 | Then you wouldn't have to apologize. |
| 393 | I'd really love it if I could do both. |
| 394 | All right, I have to ask... |
| 395 | What? |
| 396 | Are you going to break up with me |
| 397 | if I get fat again? |
| 398 | What? |
| 399 | You broke up with Julie Graff. |
| 400 | How much weight could she have gained? |
| 401 | 145 pounds. |
| 402 | In one year? |
| 403 | My God, what did she eat, her family? |
| 404 | That's not the point. |
| 405 | Look, I know it was a stupid reason |
| 406 | to break up with somebody, but I was 15. |
| 407 | That's not the only time this was an issue. |
| 408 | You remember when you spent Thanksgiving with us? |
| 409 | You called me fat. |
| 410 | Okay, okay, now, wait a minute. |
| 411 | That was totally different. |
| 412 | How? |
| 413 | You were not supposed to hear that. |
| 414 | I said that behind your back. |
| 415 | What if I have babies, okay? |
| 416 | I mean, I'm going to look different. |
| 417 | I'm okay with that, but I'm not sure that you are. |
| 418 | You have to realize |
| 419 | I don't think of you as a thin, beautiful woman. |
| 420 | See, this is one of the things that I can apologize for later. |
| 421 | What I mean is, you're Monica, okay |
| 422 | and I am in love with Monica. |
| 423 | Keep going. |
| 424 | So you can balloon up or you can shrink down |
| 425 | and I will still love you. |
| 426 | Even if I shrink down to two inches tall? |
| 427 | I'd carry you around in my pocket. |
| 428 | I love you. |
| 429 | Skidmark's still got a way with the ladies. |
| 430 | Hi, Pheebs. |
| 431 | Hi. |
| 432 | Hi. |
| 433 | I just want to apologize. |
| 434 | I'm really sorry I was a baby. |
| 435 | That's ridiculous, Rachel. |
| 436 | We were all babies once. |
| 437 | Oh, you mean today. |
| 438 | Yeah, and you know, you deserve to win. |
| 439 | And, you know, I was thinking about it-- |
| 440 | if you're Monica's Maid of Honor |
| 441 | that means that I get to be yours. |
| 442 | Oh, yeah! Yeah. |
| 443 | Oh, um, when Monica and Chandler got engaged |
| 444 | I started putting some stuff together |
| 445 | you know, just in case. |
| 446 | Oh, that's so sweet. Thanks. |
| 447 | Here is a book of poetry that I know Monica loves. |
| 448 | And, uh, oh, God |
| 449 | this is funny. |
| 450 | Look, here's a picture from one Halloween |
| 451 | where she dressed up as a bride. |
| 452 | And look, she made me carry her train |
| 453 | which was weird, because I was Wonder Woman. |
| 454 | Oh, and here's a little purse |
| 455 | that I found. |
| 456 | You know, I just thought they could maybe hold the rings in there. |
| 457 | Oh, yeah. |
| 458 | And, um, here are some |
| 459 | vintage handkerchiefs, you know |
| 460 | because people cry at weddings. |
| 461 | ( voice breaking ): I'm just going to grab a couple of these. |
| 462 | This stuff is great. |
| 463 | Oh, I forgot this was in here. |
| 464 | Um, this was the garter that I was saving |
| 465 | for my wedding... |
| 466 | And I wanted it to be Monica's something borrowed... |
| 467 | And it's blue... |
| 468 | You know, Rach, I think that you should be |
| 469 | Monica's Maid of Honor. |
| 470 | You do? |
| 471 | Why? |
| 472 | Because I think it means more to you. |
| 473 | But Pheebs, you know, you earned it. |
| 474 | It's fine. |
| 475 | I mean, this is something |
| 476 | that you've been thinking about |
| 477 | since you were, what, 14? |
| 478 | No, I was ten. |
| 479 | I just developed early. |
| 480 | Man alive! |
| 481 | Hey, what's going on? |
| 482 | Hey! |
| 483 | Well, we just decided that Rachel |
| 484 | is going to be your Maid of Honor. |
| 485 | Oh, that's great! |
| 486 | Oh, wow, okay, we really have to start planning. |
| 487 | I have a lot of really specific ideas. |
| 488 | We should probably get together, like, four times a week. |
| 489 | You can come over to my place. |
| 490 | We'll get together before work... |
| 491 | What do you say, 6:30, my place? |
| 492 | So excited! |
| 493 | Yeah, okay, you laugh now... |
| 494 | She's going to be yours. |
| 495 | ( sniffing ) |
| 496 | Mm, great nap. |
| 497 | It really was. |
| 498 | ( clears throat ) |
| 499 | Dude, what the hell are you doing?! |
| 500 | God...! |
| 501 | Excuse me. |
| 502 | |
| 1 | Morning. |
| 2 | Hi. |
| 3 | Oh, how was your date last night? |
| 4 | Pretty good. |
| 5 | Oh, good. |
| 6 | ( screams ) |
| 7 | Oh, my God. Sorry. |
| 8 | Okay. Really good. |
| 9 | Anyway, I've got to go. I'm late for work. |
| 10 | You're going to leave this person with me? |
| 11 | Hey, don't worry. She's a terrific girl. |
| 12 | And hey, listen. |
| 13 | You do me a favor? When she comes out, could you just mention |
| 14 | that I'm not looking for a serious relationship? That'd be great. |
| 15 | Whoa! What, are you kidding? |
| 16 | Just casually slip it in, you know? |
| 17 | Lay the groundwork. |
| 18 | Tell her... I'm a loner. No, an outlaw. |
| 19 | She doesn't want to get mixed up with the likes of me. |
| 20 | You know what, that's a lot to remember. |
| 21 | Can't I just tell her that you're a pig? |
| 22 | Hey, I'm going to call her later myself. |
| 23 | Honest. |
| 24 | Look, come on, Chandler used to do it. |
| 25 | He'd even make the girl pancakes. |
| 26 | Plus he'd make extras and leave them for me. |
| 27 | Well, forget it, I'm not telling that girl anything. |
| 28 | That is not my responsibility. |
| 29 | Fine. |
| 30 | Now, where did we land on those pancakes? |
| 31 | Get out. |
| 32 | Hi. Hi. |
| 33 | Sorry about that |
| 34 | but I couldn't get that lock to work on the door. |
| 35 | Yeah, Joey kind of disabled it when I moved in. |
| 36 | You must be Rachel, I'm Erin. |
| 37 | Hi. Hi. |
| 38 | I don't mean this to sound like high school |
| 39 | but did he say anything about me? |
| 40 | Would you like some pancakes? |
| 41 | Yeah. |
| 42 | ♪ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ♪ |
| 43 | ♪ Your job's a joke, you're broke ♪ |
| 44 | ♪ Your love life's D.O.A. ♪ |
| 45 | ♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪ |
| 46 | ♪ When it hasn't been your day, your week ♪ |
| 47 | ♪ Your month, or even your year ♪ |
| 48 | ♪ But I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 49 | ♪ 'Cause you're there for me, too. ♪ |
| 50 | Come on, why are we here? |
| 51 | Okay, okay, take a guess. |
| 52 | The hot chicks. |
| 53 | Okay, okay, I was typing names into the library computer |
| 54 | earlier, you know, you know, for fun... |
| 55 | and I typed mine in and, uh, guess what came up? |
| 56 | My doctoral dissertation. |
| 57 | It's here. |
| 58 | Yeah, it's right down here |
| 59 | in the biggest library in the university. |
| 60 | Wow, that's actually pretty cool. |
| 61 | Yeah. Oh, um... |
| 62 | There's also a book here by a woman named Wendy Bagina. |
| 63 | ( ecstatic moaning ) |
| 64 | What is that? |
| 65 | Sounds like two people |
| 66 | are really enjoying the Dewey decimal system. |
| 67 | We're so sorry. |
| 68 | Excuse us. |
| 69 | You didn't bring me here to do that, did you? |
| 70 | She sent the chicken back again? |
| 71 | She said it's too dry now, and she wants to come back here |
| 72 | and explain to you exactly how she wants it. |
| 73 | Hmm... Well, fine, I'd like to meet this chicken expert. |
| 74 | Send the Colonel in. |
| 75 | Oh... |
| 76 | my... God! |
| 77 | Lucky bastard! |
| 78 | Janice! |
| 79 | How are you... |
| 80 | Miss Hot Shot Chef at the big, fancy restaurant |
| 81 | with the best chicken ever? |
| 82 | ( laughs ) |
| 83 | I'm fine. |
| 84 | Oh, what is that on your finger? |
| 85 | I'm blind. |
| 86 | Oh, uh... |
| 87 | So? Who's the lucky guy? |
| 88 | Oh... my... God! |
| 89 | I am so sorry, sweetie. |
| 90 | Are you okay? |
| 91 | You didn't tell her we're getting married, did you? |
| 92 | Well, she saw the ring. |
| 93 | Did she freak out? |
| 94 | Well, she was shocked when I told her |
| 95 | but, then again, so were most people. |
| 96 | Right. |
| 97 | She actually has a boyfriend, you know, herself. |
| 98 | Name's Clark. |
| 99 | Uh, she also kind of invited herself to our wedding. |
| 100 | Clark, too. |
| 101 | You said no, right? |
| 102 | Huh? |
| 103 | You said no, right? |
| 104 | Well, she cornered me, I mean... |
| 105 | she asked me if the wedding was in town. |
| 106 | I mean, what was I supposed to do? |
| 107 | Lie. |
| 108 | How hard is that? |
| 109 | Your check's in the mail. |
| 110 | Oh, your baby is so cute. |
| 111 | I can't wait to read your book, Ross. |
| 112 | So she'll come to the wedding. |
| 113 | Maybe it won't be so bad. |
| 114 | What, do you think she's just going to sit there quietly? |
| 115 | You don't think she's going to want to make a toast? |
| 116 | You don't think she's going to want to grab the microphone |
| 117 | and sing "Part-time Lover"? |
| 118 | Oh, my God! |
| 119 | She's not going to like the chicken |
| 120 | that night either, is she? |
| 121 | You know what? |
| 122 | It's going to be okay. You know what? |
| 123 | She's probably not going to even want to come. |
| 124 | Really? |
| 125 | No, that was a lie. |
| 126 | See how easy that was? |
| 127 | So, so... |
| 128 | You would have just lied? |
| 129 | Yes. |
| 130 | It would have really been that easy? |
| 131 | Yes. |
| 132 | Good, so do it Saturday night |
| 133 | 'cause we're going to dinner with her and Clark. |
| 134 | ( giggles ) |
| 135 | Hey, what's up? |
| 136 | Hey! Hey! |
| 137 | Oh, hey, who's your friend? |
| 138 | Hey! |
| 139 | Hey, Joey. |
| 140 | Erin, you're still here. |
| 141 | Yeah, we ended up spending the day together |
| 142 | and had such a great time. |
| 143 | Why wouldn't you? |
| 144 | Erin is great. |
| 145 | And then there's you guys. |
| 146 | Well, listen, I'd better get going. |
| 147 | Today was great, thanks. |
| 148 | I know. Okay. |
| 149 | And Joey... |
| 150 | Last night was fun. |
| 151 | Yeah. |
| 152 | I'll, uh, I'll call you. |
| 153 | Oh, and I'll call you, too. |
| 154 | Or I'll call you. |
| 155 | And call me. |
| 156 | Okay. |
| 157 | Okay, good to see you again. |
| 158 | Bye. Bye-bye. |
| 159 | Rachel: Bye. |
| 160 | So, system kind of broke down, huh? |
| 161 | Oh, Joey, I'm sorry. |
| 162 | I just couldn't tell her |
| 163 | all those things you wanted me to tell her. |
| 164 | And, you know, we got to talking, and... |
| 165 | We want you to marry her. |
| 166 | What? |
| 167 | She is so amazing, you have no idea. |
| 168 | No idea? Who do you think brought her here? |
| 169 | Cupid. |
| 170 | Joey, she's so cool. |
| 171 | She speaks four languages. |
| 172 | Man, do you know what guys want! |
| 173 | No, Joey, come on. |
| 174 | She's so perfect for you. |
| 175 | I mean, she's sweet, she, she likes baseball... |
| 176 | and she, she had two beers at lunch. |
| 177 | My beers? |
| 178 | Look, you guys, she's a very nice girl, okay? |
| 179 | We had a good time. |
| 180 | But I just... I don't see it going anywhere. |
| 181 | Yeah, but you always say that. |
| 182 | Yeah, maybe if you gave this girl a chance |
| 183 | it would go somewhere. |
| 184 | Look, I'm sorry, you guys. |
| 185 | I just don't think so. |
| 186 | Whatever. |
| 187 | Fine. |
| 188 | Hey, don't start judging me. |
| 189 | Huh? You're the one who's in love with her assistant, huh? |
| 190 | And you, you're the one who's having the affair |
| 191 | with the guy who keeps the pigeons on the roof. |
| 192 | Phoebe! |
| 193 | Secret affair. |
| 194 | People are doing it in front of my book. |
| 195 | I'm sorry? |
| 196 | My doctoral dissertation is in the library at school. |
| 197 | I went to see it, and there were students making babies... |
| 198 | right in the middle of the paleontology section. |
| 199 | Oh, my God! Did you get to see anything good? |
| 200 | Let me ask you something. |
| 201 | At your school, was there, like, a place on campus |
| 202 | where students went to, to fool around? |
| 203 | Yeah, there was. |
| 204 | In the corner of the library where all these dusty books were |
| 205 | that nobody ever read, yes, there was. |
| 206 | Great, 'cause people kept showing up. |
| 207 | I think it's like a thing. |
| 208 | Wait, hold on a second. |
| 209 | Fifth floor, against that back wall? |
| 210 | Oh, for crying out loud! |
| 211 | All right, so we should go catch our movie. |
| 212 | Well, now, what's the rush? |
| 213 | I like to see the previews. |
| 214 | The candy. |
| 215 | Oh, hey. |
| 216 | Well, look who's here. |
| 217 | Hey, Joey. Hey, Erin. |
| 218 | Hey, Rachel. Hi. |
| 219 | Well, we were just about to take off and see a movie. |
| 220 | Yeah. Oh. |
| 221 | Oh, no. |
| 222 | What's wrong? |
| 223 | Oh, Phoebe, we forgot that party we have to go to. |
| 224 | Oh, no. |
| 225 | What party? |
| 226 | A birthday party. |
| 227 | Oh, whose birthday party? |
| 228 | Both: Allison's birthday party. |
| 229 | Oh? And how old is Allison? |
| 230 | Both: Thirty-two. |
| 231 | Wait a minute... |
| 232 | Why don't you guys do something? |
| 233 | Yeah, look how that worked out. |
| 234 | Excuse me? |
| 235 | Hi. I'm a professor here. |
| 236 | Do you know the Paleontology section |
| 237 | fifth floor, stack 437? |
| 238 | Well, yes. |
| 239 | Just give me five minutes. |
| 240 | I just have to find someone to cover my shift. |
| 241 | No, no, no. |
| 242 | Can I speak to someone in charge, please? |
| 243 | How can I help you? |
| 244 | Hi. I was wondering, is it possible |
| 245 | to increase security |
| 246 | in the Paleontology section? |
| 247 | See, I-I wrote a book that's up there |
| 248 | and instead of reading it, people are-are... |
| 249 | well, they're rolling around in front of it. |
| 250 | We are aware of the problem you're referring to. |
| 251 | But as far as increasing |
| 252 | security, I'm afraid the library is very understaffed. |
| 253 | I-I can't help you. |
| 254 | Well, fine. Fine. |
| 255 | If-if I'm the only person |
| 256 | with, uh, any appreciation of the sanctity |
| 257 | of the written word, then I'll go up there |
| 258 | and defend it myself. |
| 259 | And don't you follow me. |
| 260 | Hey. |
| 261 | Oh, hey. Hey. |
| 262 | How did it go with Erin? |
| 263 | Oh, unbelievable. |
| 264 | We had the best time. |
| 265 | Yeah! Yeah! |
| 266 | Oh, so you're not mad at us anymore? |
| 267 | No. no. no. You guys were totally right. |
| 268 | This was so much better than the first time we went out. |
| 269 | That was so awkward. |
| 270 | We were both really nervous. |
| 271 | Didn't you sleep together? |
| 272 | Yeah. That really calms me down. |
| 273 | And... we have so much in common. |
| 274 | She-she loves sandwiches. |
| 275 | Sports... although, she is a Met fan. |
| 276 | Not much of an issue now, but if were ever to have kids... |
| 277 | Oh, my God! |
| 278 | Listen to you talking about having kids. |
| 279 | Oh. |
| 280 | Oh, my Joey. |
| 281 | Oh! |
| 282 | Please don't get married before I do. |
| 283 | Oh. |
| 284 | Okay? |
| 285 | Oh. I just |
| 286 | cannot believe that Clark stood me up. |
| 287 | He may still show up. |
| 288 | Oh, what are you, stupid? |
| 289 | It's been three hours! |
| 290 | Is that all? |
| 291 | Let's just go on to happier things, okay? |
| 292 | Um, why don't you tell me about your lovely wedding? |
| 293 | Well, actually, uh, there was something |
| 294 | that we wanted to tell you about the wedding, um... |
| 295 | ( clears throat ) |
| 296 | It's going to be a-a small ceremony. |
| 297 | Uh, tiny. |
| 298 | We're not even sure why we're having it. |
| 299 | It's actually going to be just family. |
| 300 | Oh... wait. |
| 301 | You two think of me as family? |
| 302 | Oh, I have to ask you something now, and be honest. |
| 303 | Do you want me to sing |
| 304 | "Careless Whisper" or "Lady in Red"? |
| 305 | How can you say that? |
| 306 | The Mets have no closer. |
| 307 | What about Benitez? |
| 308 | What about game one of the series? |
| 309 | What about, shut up? |
| 310 | You shut up. |
| 311 | I love arguing with her. |
| 312 | I'll be right back. |
| 313 | Okay. |
| 314 | So, how's it going with Joey? |
| 315 | Uh... okay. |
| 316 | Okay? |
| 317 | Wait, okay. |
| 318 | Tell me that you like him, please? |
| 319 | I mean, tell me that you like him. |
| 320 | Look, he's a really great guy, and I know |
| 321 | that you really want this to work out |
| 322 | but... I just don't see this having a future. |
| 323 | What? |
| 324 | But you said that you liked him. |
| 325 | I mean, what happened? |
| 326 | Did you just change your mind? |
| 327 | Kind of. |
| 328 | Then change it back! |
| 329 | I'm sorry. |
| 330 | I... it's just, there's no real spark. |
| 331 | No spark? Didn't you sleep together? |
| 332 | Yeah. |
| 333 | Uh, tramp! |
| 334 | Does Joey have any idea? |
| 335 | I really don't think he does. |
| 336 | And you know what? |
| 337 | Maybe you guys could help clue him in. |
| 338 | You know, tell him I'm not interested |
| 339 | in a serious relationship or something. |
| 340 | Yeah. You mean, like, that you're kind of a loner? |
| 341 | Yeah. That'd be great. |
| 342 | Yeah, and maybe that you're a real stronzo. |
| 343 | I'm sorry? |
| 344 | Well, I guess Italian |
| 345 | isn't one of the four languages you speak. |
| 346 | Hey... want to go? |
| 347 | Yeah, let's go. |
| 348 | Okay. See you guys later. |
| 349 | Bye, guys. See ya. |
| 350 | Hey, thank you so much. |
| 351 | Wow! |
| 352 | Well, I guess it wasn't Cupid that brought her here. |
| 353 | No. Just regular old flying dwarf. |
| 354 | Yes? Yes? |
| 355 | How can I help you? |
| 356 | Uh, we were just looking around. |
| 357 | Oh. Oh. You're-you're fellow scholars. |
| 358 | What exactly were you looking for? Hmm? |
| 359 | Perhaps, uh... |
| 360 | Perhaps... Dr. Chester Stock's musings |
| 361 | on the Smilodon Californicus? |
| 362 | Uh... |
| 363 | "Uh, uh..." Get out of here! |
| 364 | Hi. Meeting someone? |
| 365 | Or-or are you just here to brush up |
| 366 | on Merriam's views on evolution? |
| 367 | Actually, I find Merriam's views far too progressionist. |
| 368 | I find Merriam's views far too progressionist. |
| 369 | I'm sorry. |
| 370 | Who are you? |
| 371 | I'm a professor here. |
| 372 | Uh, Ross Geller. |
| 373 | Ross Geller? |
| 374 | Why do I know that name? |
| 375 | It's a... wait. |
| 376 | Did you write this? |
| 377 | Yes. |
| 378 | You're the person who checked out my book? |
| 379 | You know, you look nothing like I would have thought. |
| 380 | You're-you're so young. |
| 381 | Well, I, uh... I skipped fourth grade. |
| 382 | Uh-huh. |
| 383 | I am very, very sorry. |
| 384 | Hey. |
| 385 | Hey. |
| 386 | Hi. |
| 387 | So how was your date? |
| 388 | Oh, it was great. |
| 389 | I mean, we walked |
| 390 | all around the village. |
| 391 | We-we went to this ice cream place |
| 392 | split a milk shake. |
| 393 | 70-30, but still. |
| 394 | And guess what? |
| 395 | I'm thinking of taking her upstate |
| 396 | to one of those bed and breakfasts. |
| 397 | She said she wants to go away with you? |
| 398 | No, no, no, no, no. |
| 399 | It's a surprise, but it's going to be tricky |
| 400 | because she's going to be pretty busy at work for a while. |
| 401 | Oh, yeah. |
| 402 | Hey, Joey-Joey, look, honey, we-we need to talk, okay? |
| 403 | Um... |
| 404 | I kind of got the feeling from her today |
| 405 | that, uh... |
| 406 | that she's not looking for a serious relationship. |
| 407 | Where are you getting this? |
| 408 | Well, she told me. |
| 409 | She said she's kind of a loner. |
| 410 | Oh. |
| 411 | Oh. |
| 412 | Joey... |
| 413 | Hey, Rach, it's cool, you know? |
| 414 | I'm a loner, too, right? |
| 415 | Hey, Joey. |
| 416 | You know what? You are way too good for her. |
| 417 | Yeah, and I promise, next time I will just say good-bye |
| 418 | and tell them you are not looking for a relationship. |
| 419 | No. |
| 420 | No. Don't do that. |
| 421 | Just... |
| 422 | Next time, make sure she really likes me. |
| 423 | Well, that, too. |
| 424 | Joey? |
| 425 | Yeah. |
| 426 | Do you want some pancakes? |
| 427 | Finally. |
| 428 | Okay. |
| 429 | What are we going to do? |
| 430 | I say we go with "Careless Whisper." |
| 431 | ( knocking ) |
| 432 | Chandler? |
| 433 | Did she see us yet? Did she see us? |
| 434 | Janice, what are you doing here? |
| 435 | Well, um... |
| 436 | I thought I was going to go back to my apartment |
| 437 | but then I just felt like |
| 438 | I really couldn't be alone tonight. |
| 439 | I was just wondering if I could maybe stay here with you. |
| 440 | Just, I really feel like I need to be with family. |
| 441 | Our kids are going to call her Aunt Janice, aren't they? |
| 442 | Please? |
| 443 | It's just otherwise, I really don't know what I might do. |
| 444 | Aren't you just a teensy bit curious? |
| 445 | Ah! Do you have any tissues? |
| 446 | In the bathroom. |
| 447 | Okay. |
| 448 | Just... just let her stay. |
| 449 | No, no, no, no, no. |
| 450 | If we let her stay, she will stay forever. |
| 451 | Kind of like your Barcalounger. |
| 452 | Is that what you're thinking of right now? |
| 453 | I never stop thinking about it. |
| 454 | Hey, you guys? |
| 455 | Do either one of you want to get in there |
| 456 | before I take my bath? |
| 457 | Janice, I'm sorry, but, uh... |
| 458 | ( clears throat ) |
| 459 | you can't stay here tonight. |
| 460 | Why not? |
| 461 | Honestly? |
| 462 | Our apartment is a hotbed |
| 463 | for electromagnetic activity. |
| 464 | Now, Monica and I have been immunized |
| 465 | but, sadly, you have not. |
| 466 | ( guffawing ) |
| 467 | Okay, I'm going to need a comforter |
| 468 | but do you have a hypo-allergenic one? |
| 469 | Because otherwise I get very nasal. |
| 470 | ( honks ) Do you have a cat? |
| 471 | ( honks ) 'Cause it's already happening. |
| 472 | ( honks ) You hear that? Listen. |
| 473 | ( honking ) |
| 474 | ( honking angrily ) |
| 475 | Oh, my God! Oh, my God! |
| 476 | You have to go! |
| 477 | Why? |
| 478 | Because Chandler still has feelings for you. |
| 479 | He does?! |
| 480 | Say again? |
| 481 | That's right. That's right. |
| 482 | And that is why you can't stay here tonight |
| 483 | and probably why you shouldn't come to the wedding. |
| 484 | Feelings. Such strong feelings. |
| 485 | I mean... |
| 486 | I realize that his feelings may never completely go away... |
| 487 | but you can. |
| 488 | Oh... my God. |
| 489 | I understand. |
| 490 | I'm so sorry. |
| 491 | I'll go. |
| 492 | Good-bye, Monica. |
| 493 | I wish you a lifetime of happiness with him. |
| 494 | Chandler... |
| 495 | You call me when this goes in the pooper. |
| 496 | Don't sweat it. |
| 497 | I got this section covered. |
| 498 | Yeah, in fact, I got this little baby |
| 499 | to shine in people's eye... okay, see you later. |
| 500 | I just wanted to show Monica your book. |
| 501 | |
| 1 | Hey, everybody. Happy Thanksgiving. |
| 2 | No, no, no. Shh. |
| 3 | Are we keeping Thanksgiving a secret this year? |
| 4 | No, we're playing this game I learned at work. |
| 5 | You have to name all the states in six minutes. |
| 6 | What? That's like insanely easy. |
| 7 | No, it's a lot harder than it sounds. |
| 8 | You always forget at least one, or in some cases, fourteen. |
| 9 | It's a stupid game, and I wasn't playing against other people |
| 10 | so, technically, I didn't lose. |
| 11 | You forgot 14 states? |
| 12 | Nobody cares about the Dakotas. |
| 13 | ( timer dinging ) |
| 14 | Oop. Okay, time's up. |
| 15 | All right, I got 48. |
| 16 | That's not bad. Pheebs? |
| 17 | Well, I got tired of naming states |
| 18 | so I decided to list the types of celery. |
| 19 | And I have one-- regular celery. |
| 20 | Okay, so Rachel's got 48 |
| 21 | and Phoebe has the lead in... vegetables. |
| 22 | Joey? |
| 23 | Say hello to the new champ of Chandler's dumb states game. |
| 24 | Wow, how many do you got? |
| 25 | Fifty-six. |
| 26 | ♪ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ♪ |
| 27 | ♪ Your job's a joke, you're broke ♪ |
| 28 | ♪ Your love life's D.O.A. ♪ |
| 29 | ♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪ |
| 30 | ♪ When it hasn't been your day, your week, your month ♪ |
| 31 | ♪ Or even your year ♪ |
| 32 | ♪ But I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 33 | ♪ 'Cause you're there for me, too. ♪ |
| 34 | Hey, how is New England not a state? Huh? |
| 35 | They have a sports team. |
| 36 | Does South Oregon have a sports team? |
| 37 | There you go. |
| 38 | How come there's one extra place setting? |
| 39 | Because you invited your assistant. |
| 40 | Oh. Right. Sorry. |
| 41 | Tag's not coming. |
| 42 | His girlfriend came into town |
| 43 | so he's spending Thanksgiving with her. |
| 44 | Oh, why didn't you tell me? |
| 45 | I made him his own individual sweet potato stuffed pumpkin. |
| 46 | Oh, well, I was going to, but then I figured |
| 47 | you know, your food is so delicious and perfect |
| 48 | you can't ever have too many of those pumpkin things. |
| 49 | You'd think I wouldn't enjoy that |
| 50 | because it is so fake, but I still do. |
| 51 | Regular celery. |
| 52 | Oh, I already have that. |
| 53 | Oh... |
| 54 | Done... with time to spare. |
| 55 | Ooh, this may be a new world's record. |
| 56 | You know, I hate to lecture you guys |
| 57 | but it's kind of disgraceful |
| 58 | that a group of well-educated adults |
| 59 | and Joey... |
| 60 | can't name all the states. |
| 61 | You ever see a map? |
| 62 | Or one of those round, colorful things called a globe? |
| 63 | Hmm? |
| 64 | Uh, Magellan? |
| 65 | You got 46 states. |
| 66 | What? |
| 67 | That's impossible. |
| 68 | Forty-six. |
| 69 | Well, who's well educated now, Mr. I-forgot-ten-states? |
| 70 | I'm out of oven space. |
| 71 | I'm going to go turn on Joey's. |
| 72 | Please watch him. |
| 73 | Do not let Joey eat any of the food. |
| 74 | I am only one man. |
| 75 | ( timer beeping ) |
| 76 | Okay, Ross, time is up. |
| 77 | No, just give me another minute. |
| 78 | Look, Ross, if you don't know them by now |
| 79 | you will never know them, okay? |
| 80 | That is the beauty of this game. |
| 81 | It makes you want to kill yourself. |
| 82 | But th-th-this is crazy. |
| 83 | I can do this. |
| 84 | All right, uh, I bet I can get all 50 before dinner. |
| 85 | Okay, but if you can't, no dinner. |
| 86 | You're on. |
| 87 | All right. Don't look at my list, Ross |
| 88 | 'cause there's a lot on there that you don't have. |
| 89 | Hey, did you guys know that your oven doesn't work? |
| 90 | But the drawer full of take-out menus is okay, right? |
| 91 | Ross, I'm going to use yours, okay? |
| 92 | Shh. |
| 93 | Chandler, give me a hand. |
| 94 | Sure. And, Joey, do not let Ross look |
| 95 | at any of the maps |
| 96 | or the globe in your apartment. |
| 97 | Don't worry, Chandler. |
| 98 | It's not a globe of the United States. |
| 99 | Hey, you guys, I'm going to go out and take a walk. |
| 100 | Phoebe, why is your bag moving? |
| 101 | Oh. It's not. |
| 102 | Seriously. It's moving. |
| 103 | What the hell's in there? |
| 104 | It's just my knitting, that's all. Ooh. |
| 105 | Yes, I knit this. |
| 106 | I'm very good. |
| 107 | You know, Ross's apartment is nice. |
| 108 | How come we don't hang out here more often? |
| 109 | I don't know. |
| 110 | Maybe because it smells so weird. |
| 111 | It's like old pumpkins or something. |
| 112 | That's my pie. |
| 113 | Which smells delicious. |
| 114 | Uh-oh. Uh-oh. |
| 115 | What? |
| 116 | We left Joey alone with the food. |
| 117 | Yep. Yep. I knew it. |
| 118 | There he is... feeding stuffing to a dog! |
| 119 | ( phone ringing ) |
| 120 | Geller-Bing residence. |
| 121 | How can I help? |
| 122 | Phoebe, why is there a dog in our apartment? |
| 123 | I'm sorry. Who's this? |
| 124 | Phoebe, there's a dog |
| 125 | sitting on my couch. |
| 126 | Tell her I am allergic, and I will sue. |
| 127 | No, there's no dog here. |
| 128 | Yes, there is. |
| 129 | He's black and white and shaggy |
| 130 | and he's sitting next to Rachel and licking Rachel's hand. |
| 131 | Oh, my God, where are you?! |
| 132 | I'll be right there. |
| 133 | ( knocking ) |
| 134 | ( gasping ) |
| 135 | They're here already? |
| 136 | How are they doing this?! |
| 137 | Hi, Tag. |
| 138 | What are you doing here? |
| 139 | I, uh, wanted to see if your offer |
| 140 | to spend Thanksgiving with you was still good. |
| 141 | Well, sure. Come on in. |
| 142 | Well, what happened to your girlfriend? |
| 143 | We, uh, kind of broke up this morning. |
| 144 | Oh, I'm sorry. |
| 145 | Yeah, so she went back to Ohio. |
| 146 | Ohio! Thank you. |
| 147 | Huh. Where's the dog? |
| 148 | What dog? There's no... there's no dog here. |
| 149 | Yeah, that dog left. |
| 150 | Phoebe? Phoebe, open up. |
| 151 | Phoebe: Th-there's no dog in here. |
| 152 | ( barking ) |
| 153 | Phoebe, we can hear |
| 154 | the dog barking. |
| 155 | No, that's just me coughing. |
| 156 | ( forced coughing ) |
| 157 | ( barking ) |
| 158 | Oh, good. There you are. |
| 159 | Listen, um, I have a dog in my room. |
| 160 | What is it doing here? |
| 161 | Well, I'm watching it for some friends who went out of town. |
| 162 | Wait. |
| 163 | Hello. My name is Clunkers. |
| 164 | May I please stay with you nice people? |
| 165 | Oh, oh, oh, oh... |
| 166 | I wish you could stay here but Chandler's allergic. |
| 167 | Extremely allergic, okay? |
| 168 | If I am anywhere near a dog for more than five minutes |
| 169 | my throat will just close up. |
| 170 | That's odd, 'cause this dog's been living here |
| 171 | for the past three days. |
| 172 | ( hoarsely ): Really? |
| 173 | Chandler, if the dog has been here that long |
| 174 | and you haven't had a reaction |
| 175 | maybe you're not allergic to this dog. |
| 176 | Well, it still has to go, right? |
| 177 | Why? Why? |
| 178 | Okay, it's, um... |
| 179 | Don't do it! |
| 180 | Don't do what? |
| 181 | I have to. Okay? It's time. |
| 182 | Okay, I hate dogs. |
| 183 | What? What? |
| 184 | Are you out of your mind? |
| 185 | Phoebe: That's crazy. Why? |
| 186 | Told you. |
| 187 | They are needy. |
| 188 | They are jumpy. |
| 189 | And you can't tell what they are thinking |
| 190 | and that scares me a little bit. |
| 191 | You're right, they are scary. |
| 192 | ( screaming ) |
| 193 | She just ate a treat out of my hand! |
| 194 | Wait a minute. |
| 195 | Do you not like all dogs? |
| 196 | I mean, not even puppies? |
| 197 | Is there a puppy here? |
| 198 | You don't like puppies? |
| 199 | Okay, you are new. |
| 200 | Look, Chandler, I told you. |
| 201 | Never tell anyone about this dog thing. |
| 202 | It's like Ross not liking ice cream. |
| 203 | You don't like ice cream? |
| 204 | It's too cold! |
| 205 | Okay, it's just that dogs make me a little uncomfortable. |
| 206 | Hurts my teeth. |
| 207 | And I don't want to say this |
| 208 | and I don't want you guys to hate me, but, uh... |
| 209 | I don't think I can be around that dog anymore, okay? |
| 210 | So either the dog goes, or I go. Huh. |
| 211 | Oh, my God! |
| 212 | How can I not get this? |
| 213 | I'm a college professor. |
| 214 | I got 1450 on my S.A.T.s. |
| 215 | 1250. |
| 216 | Damn. I forgot you were here. |
| 217 | All right, we're going to take Clunkers to Ross's. |
| 218 | We'll be back in a minute. |
| 219 | Oh, wait. Before you guys go, can I just ask you a question? |
| 220 | Yeah. |
| 221 | Um, when a guy breaks up with his girlfriend |
| 222 | what is an appropriate amount of time to wait |
| 223 | before you make a move? |
| 224 | Oh, I'd say about a month. |
| 225 | Really? I'd say three to four. |
| 226 | Half hour. |
| 227 | Interesting. |
| 228 | When it's your assistant, I would say never. |
| 229 | Rach, the big question is, does he like you? Right? |
| 230 | Because if he doesn't like you, this is all a moo point. |
| 231 | Huh. A "moo" point? |
| 232 | Yeah. It's like a cow's opinion. |
| 233 | You know, it just doesn't matter. |
| 234 | It's moo. |
| 235 | Have I been living with him for too long |
| 236 | or did that all just make sense? |
| 237 | Please don't listen to Joey. |
| 238 | Would you look at him? |
| 239 | He's obviously depressed. |
| 240 | He's away from his family. |
| 241 | He's spending Thanksgiving with strangers. |
| 242 | What he needs right now is for you to be his friend. |
| 243 | Oh, you're right. |
| 244 | I'm sorry. Thank you. |
| 245 | Okay, that's what I'm going to do. |
| 246 | Fine. Take their advice. |
| 247 | No one ever listens to me. |
| 248 | When the package is this pretty |
| 249 | no one cares what's inside. |
| 250 | Hey. |
| 251 | Hey. |
| 252 | How you holding up? |
| 253 | Not bad. |
| 254 | Yeah? I'm sorry about your girlfriend. |
| 255 | Thanks. |
| 256 | So were you guys together a long time? |
| 257 | A year, on and off. |
| 258 | I kind of thought we'd end up together. |
| 259 | I don't anymore. |
| 260 | Now that she broke up with you? |
| 261 | Yeah. Yeah. |
| 262 | Hmm... |
| 263 | It's weird. I always used to assume |
| 264 | that I would meet someone |
| 265 | and fall in love and be happy |
| 266 | and that all that was just a given. |
| 267 | But lately, it's like what if it's not? |
| 268 | Do you ever have that feeling? |
| 269 | No. |
| 270 | Yeah. |
| 271 | All the time. Constantly. |
| 272 | It's terrifying. |
| 273 | But you know, I figure, it has to work out. |
| 274 | Why? |
| 275 | Because it has to. |
| 276 | You really have all the answers, don't you? |
| 277 | Yeah. No, I do. I really do. |
| 278 | Hey, thanks for talking to me. |
| 279 | Come on, what are bosses for? |
| 280 | Hug it out. |
| 281 | All right, he likes you back. |
| 282 | Huh? Told you you should go for it. |
| 283 | What? |
| 284 | Street noise drown any of that out? |
| 285 | No? All right, I'll see you later. Okay. |
| 286 | What did Joey say? |
| 287 | I like you back? |
| 288 | Um, well, you... see... |
| 289 | Joey knows that I'm very... |
| 290 | insecure about my back |
| 291 | and... you were hugging me |
| 292 | so obviously you are not repulsed by it. |
| 293 | Yeah! |
| 294 | Wait a minute. |
| 295 | That doesn't make any sense. |
| 296 | No? |
| 297 | All right. |
| 298 | Here's the truth. |
| 299 | Um... Joey said what he said |
| 300 | because, um... |
| 301 | I'm attracted to you. |
| 302 | Wow. |
| 303 | Yeah, I admit it. |
| 304 | I have a crush on you |
| 305 | and, uh... and I know that's crazy |
| 306 | because we work together |
| 307 | and nothing could ever happen |
| 308 | and the last thing I wanted to do |
| 309 | is to freak you out |
| 310 | or make you feel uncomfortable. |
| 311 | Which is why it would be really great |
| 312 | if you said something right about now. |
| 313 | Oh, my God. |
| 314 | Those guys are stealing my car. |
| 315 | What? |
| 316 | Right there! |
| 317 | That's my car! |
| 318 | Oh... |
| 319 | Hey! |
| 320 | Okay, well, that's going to take one minute. |
| 321 | Do you have anything else |
| 322 | you want to get off your chest? |
| 323 | I can't believe this. |
| 324 | We still have time to talk. |
| 325 | And they're not even in the car yet. |
| 326 | Oh, look, there they go. Okay. |
| 327 | Okay, Phoebe, we should probably go back now. |
| 328 | ( high-pitched voice ): Please don't leave me. |
| 329 | I'll be lonely. |
| 330 | Stop it. |
| 331 | Stop. |
| 332 | Okay, let's go. |
| 333 | We can be strong. |
| 334 | Yeah, okay. |
| 335 | ( whimpering ) |
| 336 | Oh, my God, did you hear that? |
| 337 | She said "Monica!" |
| 338 | Oh, I can't leave her. |
| 339 | You know, if you want |
| 340 | we could sneak the dog back in and Chandler wouldn't even know. |
| 341 | That's not going to work. |
| 342 | I've had that dog there |
| 343 | for three days and Chandler had no idea. |
| 344 | He's not so smart... |
| 345 | Hey. |
| 346 | I didn't know either. |
| 347 | Yeah, but you kind of knew |
| 348 | that something was going on, didn't you? |
| 349 | Yeah, I knew. |
| 350 | Where's Chandler? |
| 351 | Here I am. |
| 352 | Wash your hands! |
| 353 | How did you know? |
| 354 | Hey, what's she doing back here? |
| 355 | Relax, Ross. |
| 356 | She's not made of ice cream. |
| 357 | Hey, look, Phoebe, I laid out the states geographically. |
| 358 | We don't really have time for this right now. |
| 359 | We have to keep Chandler away from my bedroom. |
| 360 | Yeah, but look what I did... |
| 361 | See? This is exactly what we do not have time for. |
| 362 | Where's Monica? |
| 363 | In Phoebe's room. |
| 364 | You can't go in there. |
| 365 | Why not? |
| 366 | ( dog whimpering ) |
| 367 | Monica's crying. |
| 368 | She's very upset about this whole Clunkers thing. |
| 369 | Well, I... I should go in there. |
| 370 | No. No. No, she doesn't want |
| 371 | to see you right now. |
| 372 | Why not? |
| 373 | Because you sent away the dog. |
| 374 | That's ridiculous. |
| 375 | Oh, is it? Is it?! |
| 376 | Look, when Monica and I were kids |
| 377 | we had a dog named Rover |
| 378 | and, uh, one day my dad decides he doesn't like dogs |
| 379 | so Monica and her friend... Phyllis... |
| 380 | take away the dog |
| 381 | and that was the last time we ever saw him. |
| 382 | Don't you see? This is just like that |
| 383 | only with a few details changed. |
| 384 | ( door opens ) |
| 385 | Okay, I'm in my sweatpants. |
| 386 | Bring on the food. |
| 387 | What's the matter? |
| 388 | Monica is all upset |
| 389 | because I sent Clunkers away. |
| 390 | So? Bring the dog back. |
| 391 | You're a hero. |
| 392 | Yeah, I can be a hero. |
| 393 | I could do that. |
| 394 | I could... I could do... |
| 395 | W-what if it attacks me? |
| 396 | Chandler, it's like a big gerbil. |
| 397 | And that doesn't scare you? |
| 398 | Ross, you need some help? |
| 399 | From you? |
| 400 | ( chuckles, sobs ) |
| 401 | ( voice breaking ): Yes, please. |
| 402 | First of all... Utah? |
| 403 | Dude, you can't just make stuff up. |
| 404 | I hate America! |
| 405 | When I finish this game, I swear I am moving. |
| 406 | Mmm. |
| 407 | Joey: Hey. |
| 408 | Tag still talking to the police? |
| 409 | Yeah. Oh, damn it! Why did I open my mouth? |
| 410 | ( whining ): "I have a crush on you." |
| 411 | "I'm attracted to you." |
| 412 | I know that I freaked him out. |
| 413 | If you said it like that, you probably did, yeah. |
| 414 | Hey, is Chandler here? |
| 415 | Uh, no. No, he went for a walk. |
| 416 | Okay, well, you cannot tell him, but look who's back! |
| 417 | ( Rachel gasps ) |
| 418 | Oh! Hi! |
| 419 | No, no, no, no-no-no-no. |
| 420 | He went over to Ross's |
| 421 | to bring the dog back here. |
| 422 | Oh, no! The dog's not going to be there. |
| 423 | You think? |
| 424 | Hi, honey. |
| 425 | Please, please, please don't be mad at me. |
| 426 | What? Wh-why would... |
| 427 | Shh. Wait and see. |
| 428 | Maybe we will, maybe we won't. |
| 429 | Okay, I went over to Ross's apartment |
| 430 | to bring back Clunkers, you know |
| 431 | for you, and, uh, I left the door open |
| 432 | and she must have... gotten out |
| 433 | and I looked everywhere |
| 434 | all over the apartment, including the roof |
| 435 | which, FYI, Ross, one of your neighbors? |
| 436 | Growing weed. |
| 437 | I couldn't find him |
| 438 | and I am so, so, so sorry, but... I do know |
| 439 | where we can all go ease the pain. |
| 440 | We have good news. |
| 441 | Look who's back. |
| 442 | Hey! |
| 443 | Clunkers! Oh, my God! |
| 444 | Monica: That's right. |
| 445 | She came back all by herself. |
| 446 | It's a Thanksgiving miracle! |
| 447 | It is so good to see you! |
| 448 | Yeah, she came all the way back from Ross's building. |
| 449 | Oh, the things she must have seen! |
| 450 | And she climbed up the fire escape |
| 451 | and she tapped on the window with her teeny little paw |
| 452 | and then we ran to let her in. |
| 453 | I went too far, didn't I? |
| 454 | When should I have stopped? |
| 455 | Okay, maybe this is so hard |
| 456 | because there aren't 50 states. |
| 457 | Let me tell you something-- |
| 458 | I had 49 states |
| 459 | and there are no more! |
| 460 | Now, I think I should be able to eat something. |
| 461 | It's up to you. |
| 462 | ( cries ) |
| 463 | Oh, hi. How are you doing? |
| 464 | I'm okay. |
| 465 | I got to go down to the police station |
| 466 | and look at mug shots. |
| 467 | Thanks for having me over, you guys. |
| 468 | Tag, you're going? |
| 469 | We didn't, uh... |
| 470 | We didn't even get a chance to talk. |
| 471 | So, where did you say you were from again? |
| 472 | Colorado. |
| 473 | Aw, what good are you? |
| 474 | Look, um, I think we should talk about |
| 475 | what happened on the terrace. |
| 476 | Okay. |
| 477 | Uh, I never should've said what I said. |
| 478 | You know what, it just doesn't matter how I feel. |
| 479 | We work together, so nothing could really |
| 480 | ever happen between us. |
| 481 | And what I would love |
| 482 | is just to go to work on Monday |
| 483 | and never talk about this again. |
| 484 | Okay, big day Monday, lots to do. |
| 485 | So, we okay? |
| 486 | Um, I'm not. |
| 487 | Oh, God, I knew it. I freaked you out. |
| 488 | No, you didn't. |
| 489 | The only thing that freaked me out |
| 490 | was you saying that nothing could ever happen between us. |
| 491 | Really? |
| 492 | Yeah. |
| 493 | So please don't fire me for doing this. |
| 494 | Okay, well, that's one less thing |
| 495 | we have to do on Monday. |
| 496 | ( knocking on door ) |
| 497 | Delaware. |
| 498 | ( cries ): Delaware. |
| 499 | All right. |
| 500 | I want my turkey now. |
| 501 | You got it. |
| 502 | You got Nevada twice. |
| 503 | I know. |
| 504 | [Captioned by The Caption Center WGBH Educational Foundation] |
| 505 | |
| 1 | I'm ready. |
| 2 | You sure? Uh-huh. |
| 3 | Okay, let me just straighten out your helmet there. |
| 4 | Thanks, Daddy. |
| 5 | No, no. One daddy, two mommies. |
| 6 | All right... |
| 7 | it's all yours. |
| 8 | Okay. Okay. |
| 9 | There you go! There you go! There you go! |
| 10 | Phoebe: Ben's first |
| 11 | big kid's bike-- This is so exciting. |
| 12 | Oh, yeah. I remember mine. |
| 13 | It was my sixth birthday, my dad took me to the park |
| 14 | and I got on it and... |
| 15 | it bent. |
| 16 | Yeah. |
| 17 | I never had a bike of my own. |
| 18 | What?! |
| 19 | Well, we didn't have |
| 20 | a lot of money, you know. |
| 21 | But the girl across the street had the best bike. |
| 22 | It was pink, and it had rainbow-colored tassels |
| 23 | hanging off the handle grips, and-and-and a bell |
| 24 | and this big, white wicker basket |
| 25 | with those plastic daisies stuck on... ooh! |
| 26 | Oh, that sounds like my first bike. |
| 27 | My dad gave me his old one. |
| 28 | Did the girl ever let you ride it? |
| 29 | No. |
| 30 | But she gave me the box that it came in. |
| 31 | It had a picture of the bike on the front. |
| 32 | So I would sit on it |
| 33 | and my stepdad would drag me around the backyard. |
| 34 | That is so unfair. |
| 35 | Not really. I got to drag him around, too. |
| 36 | ♪ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ♪ |
| 37 | ♪ Your job's a joke, you're broke ♪ |
| 38 | ♪ Your love life's D.O.A. ♪ |
| 39 | ♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪ |
| 40 | ♪ When it hasn't been your day, your week ♪ |
| 41 | ♪ Your month, or even your year ♪ |
| 42 | ♪ But I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 43 | ♪ 'Cause you're there for me, too. ♪ |
| 44 | Hey, what are you guys doing? |
| 45 | Making holiday candy for the neighbors. |
| 46 | I'm sorry, who? |
| 47 | I'm going to hang this basket on the door |
| 48 | and then when the neighbors walk by, they can all take a piece. |
| 49 | But we don't know the neighbors. |
| 50 | I do. |
| 51 | There's, uh... let's see, Guy With a Mustache |
| 52 | Smokes-A-Lot Lady... |
| 53 | some kids I've seen... |
| 54 | and a red-haired guy who does not like to be called "Rusty." |
| 55 | See? This is exactly why I'm making this candy. |
| 56 | We can learn their names and get to know our neighbors. |
| 57 | Wouldn't it be easier if we just moved? |
| 58 | Good morning. |
| 59 | Ah, somebody's in a good mood. |
| 60 | Well, why shouldn't I be? |
| 61 | I have great friends |
| 62 | I have a wonderful job-- |
| 63 | Where you can make out with your assistant. |
| 64 | Oh... |
| 65 | Come on, it's not a big deal. |
| 66 | We stayed up all night coming up with a plan |
| 67 | so that us dating will not be a problem. |
| 68 | Oh, yeah? What's the plan? |
| 69 | ( exhales ) |
| 70 | We... |
| 71 | we are not... |
| 72 | going to let it... |
| 73 | be a problem. |
| 74 | Wow, it took you all night to come up with that plan? |
| 75 | Oh, well |
| 76 | you know, we did other stuff, too. |
| 77 | ( snickering ) |
| 78 | Did you two... |
| 79 | Oh, Monica, come on. |
| 80 | I don't sleep with guys on the first date. |
| 81 | Matt Wire, Mark Lynn, Ben Wyatt... |
| 82 | Anymore! |
| 83 | Okay. |
| 84 | Hi. Tag, um... |
| 85 | I have a conference call today. Is that correct? |
| 86 | Yes, at 4:00. |
| 87 | Okay, thank you. That'll be all. |
| 88 | Wait. Wait. |
| 89 | ( restrained giggle ) |
| 90 | Did you see that? |
| 91 | That mail guy had no idea |
| 92 | there was something going on between us. |
| 93 | I'm going to get back to my desk. |
| 94 | Okay, hard worker. |
| 95 | I'll remember to put that in your evaluation. |
| 96 | My what? |
| 97 | Well, you've been here for two months now |
| 98 | and your boss is required |
| 99 | to hand in a performance evaluation. |
| 100 | But, you know... |
| 101 | there is one thing that I have yet to evaluate. |
| 102 | ( laughs ) |
| 103 | Are you serious? |
| 104 | No. I've just always wanted to do that. |
| 105 | Can you help me clean this up? |
| 106 | The basket is totally empty! |
| 107 | My God, the neighbors ate all the candy! |
| 108 | Well, either that, or, uh... |
| 109 | Joey! |
| 110 | Did you eat Yeah. |
| 111 | all the neighbor candy? |
| 112 | Uh, well, yeah, that was the plan |
| 113 | but by the time I got to it |
| 114 | there was only a couple pieces left. |
| 115 | Yeah, they've been coming by all day. They love it. |
| 116 | They love my candy? |
| 117 | Oh, man! I got to go make more! |
| 118 | Hey, Mon... |
| 119 | you might want to make some more lasagna, too |
| 120 | because something might have happened |
| 121 | to a huge chunk of it. |
| 122 | Ross, the neighbors ate all my candy. |
| 123 | Mine stole my newspaper. |
| 124 | It's like a crime wave. |
| 125 | Pheebs, you, uh... you got a second? |
| 126 | Sure. Yeah... |
| 127 | ever since you, uh... told me that story about that bike |
| 128 | I couldn't stop thinking about it. |
| 129 | I mean, everyone should have a first bike, you know? |
| 130 | So... |
| 131 | ( gasping ) |
| 132 | Oh, my God, Ross! |
| 133 | You like it? |
| 134 | I love it! |
| 135 | Yeah? |
| 136 | Oh! |
| 137 | Oh... And I love you. |
| 138 | Not that way. |
| 139 | But the bike got you a lot closer. |
| 140 | Ah! |
| 141 | Well, take it downstairs. |
| 142 | You know, give it a... test drive. |
| 143 | Okay. |
| 144 | Oh, my God. |
| 145 | My first bike! |
| 146 | Thank you for the best present I've ever gotten. |
| 147 | You're welcome. |
| 148 | ( laughing ) |
| 149 | Oh, and Chandler's about to cry. |
| 150 | ( trembling ): Am not. |
| 151 | ( knocking at door ) |
| 152 | Monica: Who is that? |
| 153 | Don't worry, I'm brave. |
| 154 | I am brave. |
| 155 | I... I am brave. |
| 156 | ( rhythmic knocking on door ) |
| 157 | No, no, no, no, no. |
| 158 | ( weakly ): Can you tell me who is there, please? |
| 159 | My name's Gary. I live upstairs. |
| 160 | Well... |
| 161 | Hi. |
| 162 | Hi. Do you know what time it is? |
| 163 | It's candy time. |
| 164 | My roommate says that they taste like little drops of heaven. |
| 165 | Oh, please. |
| 166 | Did you hear that? |
| 167 | "Little drops of heaven." |
| 168 | ( both laughing ) |
| 169 | 4:00 A.M. |
| 170 | So... |
| 171 | can I get some candy? |
| 172 | I am sorry, but some of us |
| 173 | have to get up early and go to work. |
| 174 | He does not know that I am not "some of us." |
| 175 | Um, listen, I'm sorry |
| 176 | but I'll put some out first thing in the morning. |
| 177 | Well, okay, I'll swing by later. |
| 178 | You live in this building? |
| 179 | Mm-hmm. |
| 180 | Mmm! |
| 181 | Seems like I would have remembered you. |
| 182 | Mmm! Night, Gare. |
| 183 | So did you read your evaluation yet? |
| 184 | No. It was marked "confidential." |
| 185 | I just sent it down to Human Resources. |
| 186 | Okay, please. You're kidding, right? |
| 187 | I wrote that one as a joke for you. |
| 188 | A joke they would appreciate? |
| 189 | I'm thinking "no." |
| 190 | Well, what did you say? |
| 191 | Um... |
| 192 | I said that I thought you were a good kisser |
| 193 | and that I liked your teeny-tiny tushy. |
| 194 | No, not my tushy. |
| 195 | Well, it gets worse. |
| 196 | When asked if you take initiative |
| 197 | I wrote, "Yes, he was able to unhook my bra |
| 198 | with minimal supervision..." |
| 199 | And under "Problems with performance" |
| 200 | I wrote "Dear God, I hope not." |
| 201 | And then, uh... and then I drew a little smiley face |
| 202 | and then a small pornographic sketch. |
| 203 | Ross, that is so sweet of you to get Phoebe that bike. |
| 204 | When I heard the story |
| 205 | I almost cried. |
| 206 | Almost cried, huh? |
| 207 | Hear that, Chandler? Almost cried. |
| 208 | Hey, you cry every time somebody talks about Titanic. |
| 209 | ( trembling ): Those two had only each other. |
| 210 | Phoebe really likes the bike, huh? |
| 211 | Oh, yeah. |
| 212 | I saw her walking it down the street the other day. |
| 213 | She had these flowers in the basket. |
| 214 | It was so cute. |
| 215 | Yeah, I saw her this morning walking it by the park. |
| 216 | ( quiet laugh ) |
| 217 | Wait a minute. She was walking the bike? |
| 218 | Both times? |
| 219 | Hey, Pheebs. |
| 220 | Oh, hi! |
| 221 | Hi. So, you enjoying the bike? |
| 222 | Oh, uh-huh. |
| 223 | So much. |
| 224 | Pheebs, you, uh... |
| 225 | you do know how to ride a bike, don't you? |
| 226 | Of course. |
| 227 | ( uncomfortable laughter ) |
| 228 | Can we see you ride it? |
| 229 | Okay. |
| 230 | ( uncomfortable laughter ) |
| 231 | See? |
| 232 | See, this is why I told you |
| 233 | never get involved with your assistants. |
| 234 | And there is no such thing |
| 235 | as keeping secrets when it comes to having affairs. |
| 236 | Did you hear that, Chandler? |
| 237 | No such thing. |
| 238 | What happened? I'm just eating candy. |
| 239 | Maybe it's not as bad as I think, you know? |
| 240 | Maybe they didn't take it the way I meant it. |
| 241 | Absolutely, you know? |
| 242 | Because "tushy" can mean both "ass" and "good worker." |
| 243 | Oh, I just got to get the thing back. |
| 244 | Hey, Rach? Yeah? |
| 245 | That sketch you mentioned |
| 246 | might it've looked a little something like this? |
| 247 | Oh, my God-- Joey! |
| 248 | What is the matter with you? |
| 249 | ( sighs ) |
| 250 | Well, I tell you |
| 251 | this little talent came in handy before I could afford porn. |
| 252 | ( knocking ) |
| 253 | Hi, I'm sorry. |
| 254 | I know it's after hours, but I really need candy. |
| 255 | I'm sorry, I can't help you. See, rules are rules. |
| 256 | Please, I have people coming from out of town today |
| 257 | and I told them all about your candy. |
| 258 | You're kidding? Out-of-towners, huh? |
| 259 | What'd you tell them? |
| 260 | I told them your candy was absolutely indescribable. |
| 261 | Well, some people have been saying it's, you know |
| 262 | little drops of heaven, but whatever. |
| 263 | Please, can't you help me out? |
| 264 | Hey, Chandler, do we know that lady? |
| 265 | Maybe. |
| 266 | Isn't she the woman who lives below you |
| 267 | and has sex really loud? |
| 268 | All right, I'll do it just this once |
| 269 | but you can't tell anybody. |
| 270 | Yes, yes, please, just give it to me. |
| 271 | Both: Yeah, that's her. |
| 272 | It's unbelievable. |
| 273 | I can't believe that sign didn't work. |
| 274 | You know what would work? |
| 275 | Hmm? |
| 276 | Stop making candy. |
| 277 | But they like it. |
| 278 | You mean they like you. |
| 279 | Maybe. |
| 280 | Is that why you became a chef so that people would like you? |
| 281 | You really want to talk about getting people |
| 282 | to like you, huh, funny man? |
| 283 | Okay, now, just remember everything I taught you |
| 284 | and you'll be fine, okay? |
| 285 | Here we go. Ready? Set... |
| 286 | Wait, this seat is really uncomfortable. |
| 287 | Maybe, before we start, we should just get another one? |
| 288 | Perhaps like an airplane seat |
| 289 | or a beanbag chair! |
| 290 | Phoebe, you can't get out of this, okay? |
| 291 | You have to learn how to ride a bike. |
| 292 | Why? Why do I have to learn? |
| 293 | Well, in case of an emergency. |
| 294 | What kind of emergency? |
| 295 | Well, what if a man comes along and puts a gun to your head |
| 296 | and says "You ride this bike or I'll sh-- |
| 297 | I'll shoot you." |
| 298 | Okay. I would ring the bell to distract him |
| 299 | and then I would knock the gun out of his hand |
| 300 | with a Chinese throwing star. |
| 301 | Okay, Phoebe, just, just... |
| 302 | get on the bike and, hey, I'll hold you up |
| 303 | and push you, okay? |
| 304 | You won't let go? |
| 305 | No. |
| 306 | You swear? |
| 307 | I swear. |
| 308 | Okay. |
| 309 | Come on. |
| 310 | All right, here we go. |
| 311 | Yeah, but hold on. |
| 312 | All right? All right. |
| 313 | All right? Mm-hmm. |
| 314 | Feel good? Well... |
| 315 | All right, try peddling. |
| 316 | Okay. That's it. |
| 317 | You're doing great. Yes, yes, yes. |
| 318 | Take control. |
| 319 | Yes? Whee! |
| 320 | Yes! Yes! Yay! |
| 321 | Oh! Oh! Oh, no! |
| 322 | You swore! |
| 323 | I just thought you were doing so well... |
| 324 | I am shocked. Shocked! |
| 325 | It's a legitimate learning technique. |
| 326 | Wow. |
| 327 | ( crowd talking ) |
| 328 | Hey... |
| 329 | there's some people outside asking about candy. |
| 330 | Well, they're just |
| 331 | going to have to wait, aren't they? |
| 332 | I've only got two hands! |
| 333 | Need some help? |
| 334 | No! You don't know the system! |
| 335 | Don't need nobody messing with the system! |
| 336 | By the way, the week before your wedding |
| 337 | you may not see a lot of me. |
| 338 | ( knocks ) |
| 339 | Oh, hello, liar. |
| 340 | Look, I'm, I'm really sorry I let go of the bike. |
| 341 | I could've been killed, I hope you know. |
| 342 | I know, I know. |
| 343 | But can we please try it again, huh? |
| 344 | I mean, you were so close, Phoebe. |
| 345 | Well, I would love to, but the bike got stolen |
| 346 | and the police have no suspects. |
| 347 | Phoebe? |
| 348 | What? |
| 349 | ( bell ringing ) |
| 350 | What the hell?! |
| 351 | All right, you know what? |
| 352 | If you are not going to learn how to ride this bike |
| 353 | then I'm sorry, I'm just going to have to take it back. |
| 354 | What? Why? |
| 355 | Because, because it's... |
| 356 | it'd be like you having |
| 357 | this guitar |
| 358 | and, and never playing it. |
| 359 | Okay, this guitar wants to be played |
| 360 | and this bike wants |
| 361 | to be ridden and, and |
| 362 | if you don't ride it, you're... you're killing its spirit. |
| 363 | The bike is dying. |
| 364 | All right. |
| 365 | If you care enough to make up that load of crap, okay. |
| 366 | Great, great. |
| 367 | You're making the bike very happy. |
| 368 | ( patronizing ): Okay, Ross. |
| 369 | ( whispers ): Please don't die. |
| 370 | I think we can get the evaluation back |
| 371 | before they see it |
| 372 | but we'll have to get into Mr. Zelner's office. |
| 373 | Now, he doesn't get in until 10:00 |
| 374 | so he's no problem, but his assistant Betty |
| 375 | she comes in early to eat her breakfast at her desk. |
| 376 | That's kind of sad. |
| 377 | Yeah, well, Betty's kind of sad. |
| 378 | Which is why I believe I can lure her away |
| 379 | with these chocolates. |
| 380 | Now, while I distract her, you go in the office. |
| 381 | Got it. |
| 382 | Let's roll. |
| 383 | Hello, Rachel. You got a minute? |
| 384 | Yeah, sure Mr. Zelner. For you, anything... a minute. |
| 385 | Okay, great. |
| 386 | Abort the plan. Abort the plan, abort... |
| 387 | Actually, I'd like to speak to both of you. |
| 388 | Okay. |
| 389 | Uh, well, can we get you anything, Mr. Zelner? |
| 390 | Maybe some chocolates? |
| 391 | Um, no, thanks, but I'll give these to Betty. |
| 392 | So I ready your evaluation of Tag. |
| 393 | Or to use his full name, Tag "Sweet Cheeks" Jones. |
| 394 | Something going on with you two? |
| 395 | Oh, my God! |
| 396 | Can you imagine if there was? |
| 397 | I mean, what would happen, exactly? |
| 398 | Well, I'd be forced to file a report. |
| 399 | I'd have to consult with the legal department |
| 400 | and your future at the company would be in jeopardy. |
| 401 | Well... |
| 402 | Uh, Mr. Zelner |
| 403 | I'm the one who filled in that evaluation. |
| 404 | Oh, no, no, no. |
| 405 | Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. |
| 406 | I thought it would be funny. |
| 407 | You wrote that you have "a cute tushy"? |
| 408 | Yes. |
| 409 | I have a weird sense of humor |
| 410 | and I'm kind of strangely proud of my butt. |
| 411 | It's kind of a risky joke, Tag. |
| 412 | And what is this drawing? |
| 413 | I can't figure out what this is. |
| 414 | You're looking at it upside-down. |
| 415 | You know what? Doesn't matter. |
| 416 | Hey, it's not like I don't have a sense of humor, huh? |
| 417 | Hell, I even enjoy a naughty limerick every now and then. |
| 418 | But there's a time and a place, huh? |
| 419 | Mmm. |
| 420 | Unless you had a limerick right now. |
| 421 | No? |
| 422 | Okay. |
| 423 | Well, you've got my fax number. |
| 424 | Mmm. |
| 425 | ( both chuckle ) |
| 426 | Can't believe you did that. That was really sweet. |
| 427 | Ah, don't worry about it. |
| 428 | No, you could have lost your job. |
| 429 | Are you kidding me? |
| 430 | With a cute butt like this, I'd find work. |
| 431 | Thank you. You're great. |
| 432 | You know what? |
| 433 | What? |
| 434 | I feel great. |
| 435 | In fact... |
| 436 | What? |
| 437 | I... it just... it took me so long |
| 438 | to get that desk organized. |
| 439 | Oh, I'm sorry. |
| 440 | There it is. |
| 441 | What is going on? |
| 442 | We're waiting for the candy. |
| 443 | Bring out the candy! |
| 444 | Yeah, lady, give us candy! |
| 445 | ( all yelling ) |
| 446 | Candy? |
| 447 | What's up, buddy? |
| 448 | What are you doing? |
| 449 | Getting candy. |
| 450 | Get in here. |
| 451 | Hey, and you cannot smoke in here. |
| 452 | Merry Christmas. |
| 453 | Okay, guys, the candy is coming. |
| 454 | I just need another 15 minutes |
| 455 | for the chocolate to cool! |
| 456 | ( all clamoring ) |
| 457 | All right, everybody, just be quiet, be quiet, be quiet! |
| 458 | Pipe, pipe, pipe down! |
| 459 | What is the matter with you people? |
| 460 | This woman was trying to do a nice thing for you. |
| 461 | She was making candy |
| 462 | so she could try to get to know all of you |
| 463 | and I'll bet that not one of you can tell me her name. |
| 464 | Am I right? |
| 465 | Candy Lady? |
| 466 | No, not "Candy Lady." |
| 467 | If we know her, can we have candy? |
| 468 | All right, you know what? Forget it. |
| 469 | All of you forget it. You've ruined it! |
| 470 | Go home! You've ruined it! You've ruined it! |
| 471 | ( clamoring ) |
| 472 | Go on, you guys ruined everything! You ruined it! |
| 473 | Thank you. |
| 474 | You're welcome. |
| 475 | Did you smoke? |
| 476 | No. |
| 477 | Smokes-a-lot Lady blew smoke |
| 478 | directly into my mouth. |
| 479 | Are you okay? |
| 480 | I'm fine now |
| 481 | but it was really scary there for a while. |
| 482 | I mean, someone slipped a threatening note under the door. |
| 483 | Oh, yeah. Sorry about that. |
| 484 | Mob mentality or whatever. I don't know. |
| 485 | ( chuckles ) |
| 486 | Wow! Ooh! |
| 487 | I can't believe it. |
| 488 | I did it. I rode a bike! |
| 489 | I never thought I'd be able to do that. |
| 490 | Thank you, Ross. |
| 491 | Oh, hey. Don't thank me. |
| 492 | Thank yourself. |
| 493 | You're the one who faced your fears |
| 494 | and ultimately overcame them. |
| 495 | Don't be so corny, Ross. |
| 496 | It's not an After School Special. |
| 497 | ( laughs ) |
| 498 | ( bell ringing ) |
| 499 | |
| 1 | Bye-bye. |
| 2 | I just got us reservations at Michel's |
| 3 | and tickets to The Music Man to celebrate |
| 4 | our first holiday season as a be-troth-ed couple. |
| 5 | "Betrothed." |
| 6 | Betrothed couple. |
| 7 | Hey. |
| 8 | Hi. |
| 9 | Ah... |
| 10 | Oh... |
| 11 | Pheebs? Huh? |
| 12 | Skull? |
| 13 | Oh, yeah, it's my mom's. |
| 14 | Oh, my God! |
| 15 | No, no, no, it's not, it's not my mom. |
| 16 | It belonged to my mom. |
| 17 | Yeah, no, she used to put it out every Christmas |
| 18 | to remind us that even though it's Christmas |
| 19 | people still die... |
| 20 | and, you can put candy in it. |
| 21 | ( giggles ) |
| 22 | Hey. Hey. |
| 23 | Licorice? |
| 24 | Sure. |
| 25 | Hey, I just found out |
| 26 | I get Ben for the holidays this year. |
| 27 | Oh. That's great. |
| 28 | You going to dress up as Santa? |
| 29 | Nope. |
| 30 | I mean, I know Susan does every year |
| 31 | but I think I want to take this year |
| 32 | to teach him all about Hanukkah. |
| 33 | And maybe I could teach Ben about the Christmas skull |
| 34 | and how people die. |
| 35 | You may need to use this year to teach Ben about Phoebe. |
| 36 | Hmm. |
| 37 | Hey. |
| 38 | Did you know he was in there? |
| 39 | No. |
| 40 | How long have we been home? |
| 41 | About a half an hour. |
| 42 | Lovely. |
| 43 | ♪ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ♪ |
| 44 | ♪ Your job's a joke, you're broke ♪ |
| 45 | ♪ Your love life's DOA ♪ |
| 46 | ♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪ |
| 47 | ♪ When it hasn't been your day, your week ♪ |
| 48 | ♪ Your month, or even your year ♪ |
| 49 | ♪ But I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 50 | ♪ 'Cause you're there for me, too. ♪ |
| 51 | Hey, you know what I was thinking? |
| 52 | When we get married, are you going to, uh... |
| 53 | Change your last name to Bing? |
| 54 | No. |
| 55 | Why not? |
| 56 | Bing's weird. |
| 57 | Oh, hey, you guys. |
| 58 | Hi. |
| 59 | Can I have one to go? |
| 60 | Guess what? |
| 61 | My landlord just called |
| 62 | and my apartment's going to be ready soon |
| 63 | so I guess I'll be moving out. |
| 64 | Aw, Phoebe, I'm going to miss you. |
| 65 | Yes, you will be very sad. |
| 66 | All right, well... |
| 67 | I got to go tell Rachel the good news. |
| 68 | Oh, you guys going to be living together again? |
| 69 | Yeah, why not? |
| 70 | Well, she's having so much fun with Joey |
| 71 | I just assumed she'd still be living with him. |
| 72 | Why do you think she's having so much fun living with Joey? |
| 73 | No reason except... she... told me. |
| 74 | Really? |
| 75 | So she said she didn't want to live with me anymore? |
| 76 | No, no, she didn't say that. |
| 77 | I think you should talk to Monica now. |
| 78 | Phoebe, don't worry about it. |
| 79 | I'm sure she wants to live with you. |
| 80 | You're sure? You're absolutely sure? |
| 81 | Well, no, but she probably does. |
| 82 | Oh, probably? |
| 83 | Yeah, I don't like that word. |
| 84 | Look, I know what "probably" really means. |
| 85 | Yeah, uh-huh, yeah. |
| 86 | Oh, your mom probably won't kill herself, you know? |
| 87 | Oh, you know |
| 88 | I'm sorry, but I'm not hanging all my hopes |
| 89 | of Rachel and I living together on-on-on "probably," you know? |
| 90 | You got to take care of yourself in this world, you know? |
| 91 | If history teaches us nothing. |
| 92 | "Bing" doesn't seem so weird now, does it? |
| 93 | ( door opening ) |
| 94 | Hey, great, you're home. |
| 95 | Guess what Phoebe got me for Christmas? |
| 96 | ( cymbal crash ) |
| 97 | Drums? |
| 98 | No, drums! |
| 99 | Hi. |
| 100 | Could we get two burritos to go, please? |
| 101 | I'm sorry-- but not that sorry |
| 102 | because you don't have to live with it. |
| 103 | We have a reservation under the name Chandler Bing. |
| 104 | Okay, we'll have a table for you in about 45 minutes. |
| 105 | 45 minutes? |
| 106 | We have tickets to The Music Man at 8:00. |
| 107 | I'm sorry. Christmas is a very busy time, sir. |
| 108 | Is this because of the burrito thing? |
| 109 | You need to give him money. |
| 110 | Give him money? It was a joke. |
| 111 | No, to get a table. |
| 112 | Places like this are always shaking you down. |
| 113 | Everybody wants a payoff. |
| 114 | All right, calm down, O'Malley. |
| 115 | I'll slip him some money. |
| 116 | All right, but you've got to be smooth about it. |
| 117 | Hey, I can be smooth. |
| 118 | Listen, we're in a little bit of a hurry, so if you could |
| 119 | get us a table a little quicker, I'd appreciate it. |
| 120 | Of course, sir. |
| 121 | Okay. |
| 122 | How'd it go? |
| 123 | Had the money in the wrong hand. |
| 124 | Whoo... |
| 125 | ( laughing ) |
| 126 | Hey, you don't feel |
| 127 | like you're going to throw up, do you? |
| 128 | No. |
| 129 | Well, I do, so let's... |
| 130 | So, Ben, you, uh... |
| 131 | you know what holiday is coming up, don't you? |
| 132 | Christmas. |
| 133 | Yeah, and you know |
| 134 | what other holiday is coming up? |
| 135 | Christmas Eve. |
| 136 | Yes, but also...? |
| 137 | Hanukkah. |
| 138 | See, you're part Jewish |
| 139 | and-and Hanukkah is a Jewish holiday. |
| 140 | Santa has reindeers that can fly. |
| 141 | Right, but on Hanukkah... |
| 142 | Hanukkah's the celebration of a miracle. |
| 143 | See, years and years ago |
| 144 | there were these people called the Maccabees. |
| 145 | ♪ Jingle bells, jingle bells... ♪ |
| 146 | Okay. |
| 147 | That's right, yes, but on Hanukkah, we sing, uh... |
| 148 | ♪ Dreidel, dreidel, dreidel, I made you out of clay... ♪ |
| 149 | ♪ Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer...♪ |
| 150 | Okay, it's not a contest. |
| 151 | When is Santa coming? |
| 152 | Well, how about this year, instead of Santa |
| 153 | we have fun celebrating Hanukkah? |
| 154 | No Santa? |
| 155 | Was I bad? |
| 156 | No. Oh, no, no. Hey. |
| 157 | You weren't bad. |
| 158 | You've been very good, Ben. |
| 159 | Santa's mad at me. |
| 160 | Hey, hey. Come on. |
| 161 | Ben, Santa is not mad at you, okay? |
| 162 | Hey, you're his favorite little guy. |
| 163 | So Santa's coming? |
| 164 | Yes. |
| 165 | Santa's coming. |
| 166 | It's easy. Just keep it casual. |
| 167 | Give him a kind word |
| 168 | shake his hand and give him the money. |
| 169 | How do you know so much about this? |
| 170 | I don't know. |
| 171 | Richard used to do it, didn't he? |
| 172 | We'd be eating our soup right now. |
| 173 | Mustache bastard. |
| 174 | Okay, those people just left. |
| 175 | Come on. Quick, give him the money. |
| 176 | We'll get their table. |
| 177 | Excuse me. |
| 178 | We're in a bit of a hurry. |
| 179 | Certainly, right this way. |
| 180 | Ah, ha-ha-ha. |
| 181 | ( drums and cymbals playing ) |
| 182 | Ha! |
| 183 | So you like the drums? |
| 184 | That's... that's great. |
| 185 | You know, I was worried that you know, they would create |
| 186 | maybe an unbearable living situation, but... |
| 187 | okay, well, apparently not, so, yay! |
| 188 | Hey, hey, Pheebs, check it out. |
| 189 | We already learned a song. Ready? |
| 190 | One, two, three, four. |
| 191 | Tequila! Tequila! |
| 192 | That's fun. |
| 193 | Here you go. Thank you, Gunther. |
| 194 | Put her there. |
| 195 | ( coins clanking ) |
| 196 | Definitely not easier with coins. |
| 197 | Thank you. |
| 198 | Thank you. |
| 199 | Oh, hey, Pheebs. |
| 200 | Here. |
| 201 | Now I only owe you $49.50. |
| 202 | Thanks. |
| 203 | Hey. Hey, Pheebs. |
| 204 | If you want to get Joey a Christmas present |
| 205 | that disrupts the entire building |
| 206 | why not get him something a little bit more subtle |
| 207 | like a wrecking ball or a vial of small pox |
| 208 | to release in the hallway? |
| 209 | It's not just the drum noise. |
| 210 | Every five minutes |
| 211 | Joey throws his sticks in the air |
| 212 | and I have to hear, "Oh, my eye! |
| 213 | Oh, God, my eye!" |
| 214 | I mean, it is so annoying. |
| 215 | Yes, thank you. |
| 216 | You see, this is how normal people |
| 217 | are supposed to react to drums. |
| 218 | Wait a minute... |
| 219 | Phoebe, you got Joey drums to annoy Rachel |
| 220 | so she wouldn't want to live there anymore? |
| 221 | Maybe on some level. |
| 222 | Joey, you know |
| 223 | that you could just not |
| 224 | throw the sticks up in the air. |
| 225 | What is rock 'n' roll about that? |
| 226 | Hey, Joey. |
| 227 | I got you another present. |
| 228 | Oh, wait, before you tell me what it is... |
| 229 | ( drum roll ) |
| 230 | ( cymbals crash ) |
| 231 | Okay, what is it? |
| 232 | It's a... tarantula! |
| 233 | Oh... |
| 234 | God. |
| 235 | Rachel, what... I'm sorry. |
| 236 | What was I thinking |
| 237 | giving Joey this big, gross, scary spider |
| 238 | in such a poorly constructed cage? |
| 239 | What are you talking about? |
| 240 | I love them. |
| 241 | I had a tarantula when I was a kid |
| 242 | but it died because my cat ate it, and then... |
| 243 | then my cat died, but, Joey, isn't this cool? |
| 244 | Is it on me? |
| 245 | I feel like it's on me. |
| 246 | I got, I got... |
| 247 | Oh, isn't that adorable? |
| 248 | Joey is afraid of the tarantula. |
| 249 | Oh, God. |
| 250 | He's so adorable. |
| 251 | God, he's just so much fun. |
| 252 | Joey's the best. |
| 253 | I'm glad you're having so much fun here. |
| 254 | Whoa, wait, wait a minute. |
| 255 | What...? Phoebe, what's the matter? |
| 256 | Our apartment is ready. |
| 257 | And that makes you angry because...? |
| 258 | Because you would rather live here with Joey. |
| 259 | Where did you get that? |
| 260 | Monica and Chandler said that you were having so much fun here |
| 261 | and apparently no amount of drums or tarantulas |
| 262 | is going to change that. |
| 263 | Phoebe... |
| 264 | Hmm? |
| 265 | Did you get all this stuff for Joey |
| 266 | to try and drive me out of the apartment? |
| 267 | Honey, if you wanted |
| 268 | to do that, you might as well just have gotten him a fish. |
| 269 | You know how fish freak me out. |
| 270 | Ah... fish. |
| 271 | But it wouldn't |
| 272 | have mattered anyway, Phoebe. |
| 273 | You and I are going to live together. |
| 274 | We're roommates-- that's the deal. |
| 275 | Yes, but I wanted you to want to live with me |
| 276 | but, okay, if you're having so much fun over here... |
| 277 | Oh, it's so much more fun with you. |
| 278 | We did have fun, didn't we? |
| 279 | We did. Yeah. |
| 280 | Well, anyway, they say |
| 281 | if we want, we could see it tonight. |
| 282 | Oh, I would love to. |
| 283 | Yeah, okay. |
| 284 | Oh, good, great. |
| 285 | All right, good. |
| 286 | Oh, and, Monica asked me to make the drumming stop. |
| 287 | Um... |
| 288 | Hmm... |
| 289 | Done. |
| 290 | Hey. |
| 291 | Hello, sir. |
| 292 | You here to return those pants? |
| 293 | No, these are my pants. |
| 294 | Oh. |
| 295 | Okay. |
| 296 | How can I help you? |
| 297 | Do you have a Santa outfit left? |
| 298 | Two days before Christmas? |
| 299 | Sorry, man. |
| 300 | Okay, look, do you have anything, uh, Christmas-y? |
| 301 | I promised my son |
| 302 | and I really don't want to disappoint him. |
| 303 | Um... come on... |
| 304 | you got to have something. |
| 305 | I'm the Holiday Armadillo! |
| 306 | I'm a friend of Santa's |
| 307 | and he sent me here to wish you a merry Christmas. |
| 308 | What happened to Santa, Holiday Armadillo? |
| 309 | Santa was unavailable so close to Christmas. |
| 310 | Oh, well, come in, have a seat. |
| 311 | You must be exhausted coming all the way from... |
| 312 | Texas. |
| 313 | Texas? |
| 314 | That's right, Ben. |
| 315 | I'm Santa's representative for all the southern states |
| 316 | and... Mexico! |
| 317 | But Santa sent me here |
| 318 | to give you these presents, Ben. |
| 319 | Maybe the lady will help me with these presents. |
| 320 | Wow, thanks. |
| 321 | You're welcome, Ben. |
| 322 | Merry Christmas. |
| 323 | Ooh, and Happy Hanukkah. |
| 324 | Are you for Hanukkah, too? |
| 325 | Because I'm part Jewish. |
| 326 | ( gasps ): You are? Me, too! |
| 327 | Because armadillos also wandered in the desert? |
| 328 | You want to wander in the hall? |
| 329 | Hey, Ben, what if the Holiday Armadillo |
| 330 | told you all about the Festival of Lights? |
| 331 | Cool! |
| 332 | Come on, Ben. |
| 333 | Years and years ago |
| 334 | there were these people called the Maccabees. |
| 335 | Ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas. |
| 336 | Santa! |
| 337 | Hey. |
| 338 | What are you doing here, Santa? |
| 339 | Well, I'm here to see my old buddy, Ben. |
| 340 | What are you doing here... |
| 341 | weird... turtle man? |
| 342 | I'm the Holiday Armadillo |
| 343 | your part Jewish friend. |
| 344 | You sent me here |
| 345 | to give Ben some presents, remember? |
| 346 | What? |
| 347 | Did you bring me any presents, Santa? |
| 348 | You bet I did, Ben. |
| 349 | Put her there. |
| 350 | Well, it would've worked this time |
| 351 | if his hands weren't so damned small. |
| 352 | Ho, ho, ho! |
| 353 | Ben, why don't you open more presents |
| 354 | and Santa, the Armadillo and I |
| 355 | will have a little talk in the kitchen. |
| 356 | There's a sentence I never thought I'd say. |
| 357 | What are you doing? |
| 358 | You called everyone and said |
| 359 | you were having trouble finding a Santa costume |
| 360 | so I borrowed one from a guy at work. |
| 361 | Thank you, but-but you got to leave. |
| 362 | Why? |
| 363 | Because I'm finally getting him excited about Hanukkah |
| 364 | and you're wrecking it. |
| 365 | But I didn't get to shake my belly |
| 366 | like a bowlful of jelly. |
| 367 | I'm sorry, Chandler |
| 368 | but this... this is really important to me. |
| 369 | Okay, fine. |
| 370 | I'll give the suit back. |
| 371 | Hey. |
| 372 | You think you can keep it another night? |
| 373 | Santa? Really? |
| 374 | Yeah, is that okay? |
| 375 | Did your dad ever dress up like Santa? |
| 376 | No. |
| 377 | Then it's okay! |
| 378 | Okay, Ben, Santa has to go. |
| 379 | Say good-bye. |
| 380 | No, why does he have to go? |
| 381 | Because if Santa and the Holiday... Armadillo... |
| 382 | are ever in the same room for too long |
| 383 | the universe will implode. |
| 384 | Merry Christmas! |
| 385 | No, why can't the Armadillo leave? |
| 386 | I want Santa. |
| 387 | Fine, I give up. |
| 388 | Santa, Santa can stay. |
| 389 | Well, I'll stay |
| 390 | but only because I want to hear about Hanukkah. |
| 391 | Ben |
| 392 | will you sit here with Santa and learn about Hanukkah? |
| 393 | Okay, Santa. |
| 394 | ( whispers ): Thank you. |
| 395 | You're welcome. |
| 396 | All right... |
| 397 | it's time for the story of Hanukkah. |
| 398 | Years and years ago |
| 399 | there were these people called the Maccabees. |
| 400 | Merry Christmas! |
| 401 | Oh, wow. |
| 402 | Look at this place. |
| 403 | Oh, this is terrible. |
| 404 | Oh, they've made so many changes |
| 405 | I can't even feel my grandmother's presence anymore. |
| 406 | Ooh, new sconces. |
| 407 | Oh, my God! |
| 408 | What? |
| 409 | Okay, remember, uh, remember how you told me |
| 410 | that your grandmother put up that wall |
| 411 | to make that into two bedrooms? |
| 412 | Yeah? |
| 413 | And remember |
| 414 | you said you were afraid |
| 415 | the landlord would find out and tear it down? |
| 416 | Yeah? |
| 417 | Do you really not know |
| 418 | where I'm going with this? |
| 419 | It left. |
| 420 | It's one huge room. |
| 421 | Oh, no. |
| 422 | ( gasps ) |
| 423 | Wow! |
| 424 | See? |
| 425 | Well, I guess we'll just have to put the wall back up. |
| 426 | You can't, because of the new skylight. |
| 427 | There's a skylight? |
| 428 | Wow! |
| 429 | Oh, so what should we do? |
| 430 | Should we start looking for a new place? |
| 431 | You know, I'm sensing that my grandmother |
| 432 | would not be comfortable with that. |
| 433 | Oh, yeah? |
| 434 | Starting to feel her again there, are we? |
| 435 | A little bit, yeah. |
| 436 | Yeah... |
| 437 | Pheebs, is your grandmother maybe saying |
| 438 | that you should live here alone? |
| 439 | You heard it, too? You have the gift. |
| 440 | Phoebe, it's okay. |
| 441 | I like living with Joey. |
| 442 | Are you sure? |
| 443 | Oh, please-- I hate packing, it's closer to work |
| 444 | and we do have fun. |
| 445 | Although, I'm really going to miss living with you. |
| 446 | Oh, me, too. |
| 447 | I know. |
| 448 | Oh, oh, wait, did you hear that? Listen... |
| 449 | Huh? I'm getting something from your grandmother. |
| 450 | She said that since |
| 451 | you get to keep the one-bedroom apartment |
| 452 | you should give Rachel the purple chair? |
| 453 | No, I do not hear that. |
| 454 | And the miracle was that that little bit of oil |
| 455 | that should have lasted just one day |
| 456 | burned for... |
| 457 | Eight whole days. |
| 458 | That's right. |
| 459 | And that's why we celebrate Hanukkah. |
| 460 | The end. |
| 461 | Awesome. |
| 462 | My favorite part was when Superman |
| 463 | flew all the Jews out of Egypt. |
| 464 | The armadillo was actually |
| 465 | not so thrilled about that part. |
| 466 | Okay, Ben |
| 467 | it's time to light the Hanukkah candles! |
| 468 | Oh, ho, ho. |
| 469 | Hey... |
| 470 | Oh, wow. |
| 471 | Looks like the Easter Bunny's funeral in here. |
| 472 | Come on, come on, we're lighting the candles. |
| 473 | Come on. |
| 474 | Oh. Oh. |
| 475 | Okay, I understand why Superman is here |
| 476 | but why is there a porcupine at the Easter Bunny's funeral? |
| 477 | Joey: Did you get it? |
| 478 | I got it. |
| 479 | Is it back in the cage? |
| 480 | It's back in the cage. |
| 481 | Is the cage closed? |
| 482 | Joey, will you just come out here |
| 483 | and stop being such a baby?! |
| 484 | [Captioned by The Caption Center WGBH Educational Foundation] |
| 485 | |
| 1 | Mmm. |
| 2 | Hey. Hi. |
| 3 | You have to got to try this cheesecake. |
| 4 | Oh, you know |
| 5 | I'm not that much of a sweet tooth. |
| 6 | ( mumbling ) |
| 7 | Oh, my God, it's so creamy. |
| 8 | Oh, my God |
| 9 | that is the best cheesecake I've ever had. |
| 10 | Where did you get this? |
| 11 | It was at the front door when I got home. |
| 12 | Somebody sent it to us. |
| 13 | Chandler, this is not addressed to you. |
| 14 | This is addressed to Mrs. Braverman downstairs. |
| 15 | ( gasps ) |
| 16 | Thief. |
| 17 | I... I didn't read the box before I opened it |
| 18 | and you can't return a box |
| 19 | after you've opened the box. |
| 20 | Why not? |
| 21 | Because it's too delicious. |
| 22 | Chandler, you stole this cheesecake. |
| 23 | That is wrong. |
| 24 | No, no, no, it is going to be okay |
| 25 | because Mrs. Braverman is going to send away for a free one |
| 26 | and that way we all win. |
| 27 | The only losers are the big cheesecake conglomerate... |
| 28 | "Mama's Little Bakery." |
| 29 | I feel terrible. |
| 30 | I'm a horrible, horrible, horrible person. |
| 31 | Mmm... I'm sorry, what? |
| 32 | ♪ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ♪ |
| 33 | ♪ Your job's a joke, you're broke ♪ |
| 34 | ♪ Your love life's DOA ♪ |
| 35 | ♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪ |
| 36 | ♪ When it hasn't been your day, your week ♪ |
| 37 | ♪ Your month, or even your year ♪ |
| 38 | ♪ But I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 39 | ♪ 'Cause you're there for me, too. ♪ |
| 40 | All right, I should get going. |
| 41 | Big day at work. |
| 42 | You know I'm in coma? |
| 43 | Well, today they do this test on me |
| 44 | and turns out I'm not brain-dead. |
| 45 | So... |
| 46 | Ah, ah, ah, Mr. Smarty-Pants |
| 47 | it's just my character that's not brain-dead. |
| 48 | So, Pheebs, we still on for tonight? |
| 49 | Absolutely. |
| 50 | All right, I'll see you at 8:00. Okay. |
| 51 | Oh, what's at 8:00? |
| 52 | Oh, I have dinner plans with Joey. |
| 53 | We get together about once a month |
| 54 | to discuss the rest of you guys. |
| 55 | Wow, did not know that. |
| 56 | May I say how lovely you look today? |
| 57 | Duly noted. |
| 58 | Oh, so for tomorrow |
| 59 | do you want to rent a car |
| 60 | and drive down together, or what? |
| 61 | What are you talking about? |
| 62 | Cousin Frannie's wedding; it's tomorrow night. |
| 63 | You were invited? |
| 64 | No. |
| 65 | Oh, my God, I can't believe this. |
| 66 | I knew that mom and dad were invited |
| 67 | but I thought that was it. |
| 68 | I mean, from the ages of seven to nine |
| 69 | Frannie and I were inseparable. |
| 70 | Well, maybe since the age of nine |
| 71 | Frannie's made some new friends. |
| 72 | Well... it's probably just a mistake. |
| 73 | Let me call Aunt Cheryl, okay? |
| 74 | Maybe you are invited |
| 75 | and the invitation just got lost in the mail. |
| 76 | Yeah... you call her and tell her that |
| 77 | you know, when we were kids |
| 78 | her precious little Frannie |
| 79 | tried to undress me several times, okay? |
| 80 | And if I hadn't have stopped her |
| 81 | there probably wouldn't even be a wedding to go to. |
| 82 | She tried to undress me, too. |
| 83 | I used to undress my cousin Glenn. |
| 84 | ( chuckles ) |
| 85 | Joseph Francis Tribbiani |
| 86 | are you home yet? |
| 87 | Um, I think he's still out. What's wrong? |
| 88 | Well, I'll tell you, Rachel Karen Green. |
| 89 | I had plans |
| 90 | with Joey tonight |
| 91 | and he left me this note. |
| 92 | "Pheebs, can't make it. |
| 93 | "Got a date. Talk to you later. |
| 94 | Big Daddy." |
| 95 | Big Daddy? |
| 96 | Oh, that's a nickname we were trying out. |
| 97 | Hey, you know what nickname never caught on? |
| 98 | "The Ross-a-tron." |
| 99 | Hey. |
| 100 | Oh, here's Joseph Francis. |
| 101 | Hey, way... oh... |
| 102 | What are you middle naming me for? |
| 103 | I left you a note. |
| 104 | So, what? That doesn't give you the right to ditch me. |
| 105 | Hey, you can cancel plans with friends |
| 106 | if there's a possibility for sex. |
| 107 | Phoebe, he's right. That is the rule. |
| 108 | I don't accept this rule. |
| 109 | When we make plans, I expect you show up. |
| 110 | Okay? I can't just be a way to kill time |
| 111 | till you meet someone better. |
| 112 | You know, boyfriends and girlfriends |
| 113 | are going to come and go, but this is for life. |
| 114 | Wow... I'm so sorry. |
| 115 | I had no idea it would bother you this much. |
| 116 | Well, it does. |
| 117 | Okay, can I make it up to you, huh? |
| 118 | I'm sorry. |
| 119 | How about dinner tomorrow night? |
| 120 | I'll pay for myself. |
| 121 | Okay, you wore me down. |
| 122 | Hey, Joe, while you're over there |
| 123 | how about another beer for "The Ross-a-tron." |
| 124 | The Ross... is that back? |
| 125 | Hi. |
| 126 | The other cheesecake came. |
| 127 | They delivered it to the wrong address again. |
| 128 | So, just bring it back downstairs. |
| 129 | What's the problem? |
| 130 | I can't seem to say good-bye. |
| 131 | Are you serious? |
| 132 | Chandler, we ate an entire cheesecake two days ago |
| 133 | and you want more? |
| 134 | Well, I've forgotten what it tastes like, okay? |
| 135 | It was cheesecake. |
| 136 | It was fine. |
| 137 | It had a buttery, crumbly, graham cracker crust |
| 138 | with a very... rich |
| 139 | yet light... cream cheese filling. |
| 140 | Well, my whole mouth just filled with saliva. |
| 141 | Okay, you know what? |
| 142 | Forget it. |
| 143 | We are just hungry. |
| 144 | We have not had lunch. |
| 145 | We are just light-headed. |
| 146 | So, let us go out and have lunch |
| 147 | and forget about the cheesecake. |
| 148 | Yeah, we'll drop it off downstairs |
| 149 | so we're not tempted. |
| 150 | Good idea. Where do you want to go to lunch? |
| 151 | Mama's Little Bakery, Chicago, Illinois. |
| 152 | Oh... Mel Torme died. |
| 153 | Joey, that paper's, like, a year old. |
| 154 | Oh, does that mean the Sam Goody sale is over? |
| 155 | Hey. |
| 156 | Hey. Hey. |
| 157 | So, I finally heard back from Aunt Cheryl |
| 158 | and apparently it wasn't a mistake. |
| 159 | Uh, there's-there's limited seating in the hall... |
| 160 | Limited seating? |
| 161 | I am just one tiny person. |
| 162 | Well, yeah, but she doesn't know that. |
| 163 | I mean, the last time she saw you |
| 164 | you would have turned |
| 165 | one of those little wedding chairs |
| 166 | into kindling. |
| 167 | Uh... "limited seating." |
| 168 | Oh, that is such a lame excuse. |
| 169 | That's not the reason why she's not inviting me. |
| 170 | What's the big deal? |
| 171 | I wasn't even invited to the ceremony |
| 172 | just the reception, and you know what? |
| 173 | If it makes you feel any better |
| 174 | Joan and I will just make an appearance |
| 175 | and then, and then |
| 176 | we'll-we'll leave early as a sign of protest. |
| 177 | Joan? Yeah, Joan Tedeschi. |
| 178 | My date. |
| 179 | She's an assistant professor |
| 180 | in the linguistics department. |
| 181 | Tall, very beautiful |
| 182 | and despite what some people say |
| 183 | not broad-backed. |
| 184 | Wait a minute. |
| 185 | You got "Ross Geller and guest"? |
| 186 | I wasn't invited, and you got "and guest"? |
| 187 | Uh, excuse me... |
| 188 | I do have to interrupt on Ross's behalf. |
| 189 | I think the rule applies here. |
| 190 | Since he has a chance to get on broad-back... |
| 191 | Not broad-back! |
| 192 | MONICA: Wait a minute. |
| 193 | You're bringing me. |
| 194 | Well, I can't cancel on Joan. |
| 195 | Why not? |
| 196 | Because-- did you not hear me?-- |
| 197 | she's an assistant professor |
| 198 | in the linguistics department, okay? |
| 199 | They're wild. |
| 200 | Why do you want to come anyway? |
| 201 | Because... |
| 202 | she's my cousin. |
| 203 | I mean, we grew up together. |
| 204 | We're family, you know |
| 205 | and that's... that's important to me. |
| 206 | Okay, all right, I'll take you. |
| 207 | I'll go call Joan. |
| 208 | Oh, that's nice. |
| 209 | Family should be there, huh? |
| 210 | This is her wedding; happiest day of her life. |
| 211 | We'll see. |
| 212 | ( Chandler sighs ) |
| 213 | Well, thank you for lunch. |
| 214 | Wait a minute. I didn't pay. I thought you paid. |
| 215 | So, apparently we just don't pay for food anymore. |
| 216 | ( chuckles ) |
| 217 | Do you see what I see? |
| 218 | ( gasps ) |
| 219 | It's still there. |
| 220 | Mrs. Braverman must be out. |
| 221 | She could be out of town. |
| 222 | Maybe she'll be gone for months. |
| 223 | By then, the cheesecake may have gone bad. |
| 224 | We don't want her to come back to bad cheesecake. |
| 225 | No, that could kill her. |
| 226 | Well, we don't want that. |
| 227 | No, so we're protecting her. |
| 228 | We should take it. |
| 229 | We should move quick. Why? |
| 230 | Because I think I just heard her |
| 231 | moving around in there. |
| 232 | Go, go, go, go, go, go. |
| 233 | ( gasps ) |
| 234 | Oh, my God, that's David. |
| 235 | David who? |
| 236 | PHOEBE: David, the scientist guy. |
| 237 | David that I was in love with. |
| 238 | David who went to Russia and broke my heart David. |
| 239 | Oh, my God. |
| 240 | You say someone's name enough |
| 241 | they turn around. |
| 242 | Phoebe. |
| 243 | David. |
| 244 | What's... what are you doing here? |
| 245 | Aren't you supposed to be in Russia? |
| 246 | Yeah, I'm just in town for a conference. |
| 247 | Oh. Um, God... |
| 248 | You look phenomenal. |
| 249 | Well... yeah. |
| 250 | You look great, too. |
| 251 | Did you get a haircut? |
| 252 | Yeah, well, I-I-I got, like, 30 of them. |
| 253 | Yeah. |
| 254 | Um, look, I-I-I got a confession to make. |
| 255 | Uh-huh. |
| 256 | I-I was hoping to run into you here. |
| 257 | I didn't know whether I should call or not. |
| 258 | I was only in town for a few days |
| 259 | and, you know, I didn't want to intrude on your life |
| 260 | or anything like that |
| 261 | but I really wanted to see you |
| 262 | but I didn't know if you wanted to see me. |
| 263 | Well... of course I would want to see you. |
| 264 | I... I think about you all the time. |
| 265 | Really? |
| 266 | Because I think about you all the time. |
| 267 | Really? |
| 268 | There's a statue in Minsk that reminds me of you so much. |
| 269 | I mean, um, it's actually of Lenin |
| 270 | but-but, you know... |
| 271 | Yeah. at certain angles... |
| 272 | Um... anyway |
| 273 | do you want to have dinner tonight? |
| 274 | Yes. |
| 275 | Oh, no. |
| 276 | Oh, uh, what? |
| 277 | I can't. |
| 278 | I can't believe I have plans. I can't. |
| 279 | Can you do it tomorrow night, though? |
| 280 | Uh, no, I have to go in a few hours. |
| 281 | I have to be on the red-eye. |
| 282 | Well, listen, you know, next time you're in Minsk, um... |
| 283 | Phoebe, can I talk to you for a second? |
| 284 | Uh-huh. |
| 285 | What are you doing? |
| 286 | Well, I have plans with Joey tonight. |
| 287 | So? He'll understand. |
| 288 | No, he won't, and that's not even the point. |
| 289 | Monica, I made a whole speech |
| 290 | about how you do not cancel plans with friends |
| 291 | and now, you know, what? |
| 292 | Just because potentially the love of my life |
| 293 | comes back from Russia just for one night |
| 294 | I should change my beliefs? |
| 295 | I should change my beliefs. |
| 296 | No. |
| 297 | No, no. If I don't have my principles |
| 298 | I don't have anything. |
| 299 | God, you are so strong. |
| 300 | Or, I should rush through dinner with Joey |
| 301 | and I can meet David at 9:00. |
| 302 | Oh, my God, that is so good. |
| 303 | I'm full. |
| 304 | And yet I know, if I stop eating this |
| 305 | I'll regret it. |
| 306 | Hey. |
| 307 | Hey, what have you got there? |
| 308 | Oh, it's, um... |
| 309 | It's tofu cake. |
| 310 | Do you want some? |
| 311 | ( groans ) |
| 312 | ( sighs ) |
| 313 | What are you doing tonight? |
| 314 | Huh? Dude, dude. |
| 315 | Oh! |
| 316 | Sorry. |
| 317 | Uh, I got those plans with Phoebe. Why? |
| 318 | Oh, really? |
| 319 | Monica said she had a date at 9:00. |
| 320 | What? Tonight? |
| 321 | That's what Monica said. |
| 322 | After she gave me that big speech |
| 323 | she goes and makes a date with a guy |
| 324 | on the same night she has plans with me? |
| 325 | I think she's trying to pull a fast one on Big Daddy. |
| 326 | Oh, here-- I think this is us. |
| 327 | Limited seating, my ass. |
| 328 | Let's just see who made the cut. |
| 329 | Hi. Hi. |
| 330 | I'm Monica Geller. |
| 331 | How do you know the bride and groom? |
| 332 | Oh, I used to work with Frannie. |
| 333 | Used to work with her. |
| 334 | Used to. |
| 335 | I'm a relative and I didn't get invited. |
| 336 | A blood relative. |
| 337 | Blood. |
| 338 | Stop saying blood to strangers. |
| 339 | So, how about you, hmm? |
| 340 | How do you know the happy couple? |
| 341 | We went to college with |
| 342 | both of them, and now we live next door. |
| 343 | Okay, you're fine. |
| 344 | Hey. Hey. |
| 345 | Are you guys ready? |
| 346 | Yes, I will have a green salad |
| 347 | house dressing, and water's fine. |
| 348 | Okay. Okay. |
| 349 | And for you, sir. |
| 350 | Yeah-- |
| 351 | this slow-roasted salmon. |
| 352 | Just how slow are we talking? |
| 353 | It's already been roasted. |
| 354 | Oh, then no. |
| 355 | Maybe I should hear those specials again. |
| 356 | Oh, Joey, we've heard the specials |
| 357 | three times, okay? |
| 358 | There's prime rib, mahi-mahi |
| 359 | and a very special lobster ravioli. |
| 360 | Actually, we're out of the lobster ravioli. |
| 361 | Oh, well, that changes everything. |
| 362 | You know what, Pheebs? Huh? |
| 363 | You were right before. |
| 364 | Mm-hmm. Friends are so important. |
| 365 | Yeah, I'm very wise, I know. |
| 366 | You know what I really want? |
| 367 | What? |
| 368 | Is to have a long, long talk. |
| 369 | You know, get Joey out on the open road |
| 370 | and really open him up. |
| 371 | Any progress? |
| 372 | Yes. |
| 373 | I will have the lobster ravioli. |
| 374 | Oh, my God, Joey. |
| 375 | This is taking forever. |
| 376 | What's the rush, what? |
| 377 | ( stuttering ): Well, I just... |
| 378 | I have, you know, I have an appointment |
| 379 | and it's very important. |
| 380 | Oh, well, what is it? |
| 381 | Well... |
| 382 | It's a date. |
| 383 | A date? |
| 384 | No, no, Pheebs. |
| 385 | You must be mistaken |
| 386 | because I know you wouldn't schedule a date |
| 387 | on the same night you have plans with a friend. |
| 388 | Come on, Joey, don't make me feel badly about this. |
| 389 | No, I'm gonna. |
| 390 | That's right, yeah. |
| 391 | You made me feel really guilty |
| 392 | about going out with that girl |
| 393 | like I did something terrible to you. |
| 394 | Now, Pheebs, you're doing the same thing. |
| 395 | It's not the same thing. |
| 396 | This is totally different. |
| 397 | This is with David. |
| 398 | Remember David? |
| 399 | The scientist guy? |
| 400 | He's very special to me. |
| 401 | Okay, well, my girl from the other night was special. |
| 402 | She was a scientist, too. |
| 403 | She was? |
| 404 | Well, she graduated high school. |
| 405 | Okay, whatever. |
| 406 | You know what? |
| 407 | I don't have time to convince you |
| 408 | because he's only here for four hours |
| 409 | and I'm going to go see him. |
| 410 | Fine! Yeah. |
| 411 | Yeah. Fine! |
| 412 | What are you still doing here? |
| 413 | I told you, lobster ravioli! |
| 414 | Hey. |
| 415 | Hey, I was just about to leave. |
| 416 | I didn't think you were coming. |
| 417 | Oh, I wouldn't have missed this. |
| 418 | Well, I'm very glad you're here. |
| 419 | Oh, you're such a gentleman. |
| 420 | Come on, we're going to my place. |
| 421 | Mmm. |
| 422 | Are you eating the cheesecake without me? |
| 423 | Uh-uh. |
| 424 | I will give you $100 to whistle right now. |
| 425 | How could you eat the cheesecake without me? |
| 426 | Oh, what are you going to do? |
| 427 | You going to go run |
| 428 | and tell Monica? |
| 429 | Are you going to tell Joey? |
| 430 | No, because you'd have to tell them what we did. |
| 431 | We are dessert stealers. |
| 432 | We are living outside of the law. |
| 433 | You know what? |
| 434 | I don't trust you with this cake anymore. |
| 435 | And I got it first. |
| 436 | And I'm taking it back. What? |
| 437 | What? |
| 438 | No, no, no, you don't. |
| 439 | Oh, yes! You think I trust you with it? |
| 440 | No, we're going to split it. |
| 441 | You take half and I take half. |
| 442 | That's not fair. |
| 443 | You've already had some. |
| 444 | Oh, then, you know what? |
| 445 | I think Monica would be very interested to know |
| 446 | that you called her cheesecake dry and mealy. |
| 447 | What do we use to split it? |
| 448 | Okay. |
| 449 | All right, pick a half. |
| 450 | Okay. |
| 451 | Well, this side looks bigger. |
| 452 | Mm-hmm. |
| 453 | But there's more crust on this side. |
| 454 | You know? |
| 455 | So, maybe if I measured... |
| 456 | For God's sake, just pick a piece! |
| 457 | I pick that one. |
| 458 | Ha, so the smaller piece. |
| 459 | Okay. |
| 460 | There you go. |
| 461 | Enjoy your half, my friend. |
| 462 | But that is it. |
| 463 | No sharing, no switching |
| 464 | and don't come crying to me |
| 465 | if you eat your piece too fast. |
| 466 | ( screams ) |
| 467 | Oh... |
| 468 | Oh! |
| 469 | All right, you got to give me some of your piece. |
| 470 | Oh, no, no. |
| 471 | No switching, no sharing, and don't come crying to me! |
| 472 | Ha, ha, ha. |
| 473 | I may just sit here and have my cake all day. |
| 474 | Just sit here in the hallway and eat my... |
| 475 | Ross, sweetheart! |
| 476 | Oh, hey, Aunt Millie. |
| 477 | Isn't it a beautiful wedding? |
| 478 | Yes, yes it is. |
| 479 | Every time on the lips. |
| 480 | Why, why on the lips? |
| 481 | ( applause ) |
| 482 | There's Frannie. |
| 483 | Won't she be happy to see me? |
| 484 | Now, wait a minute. |
| 485 | You be nice, all right? |
| 486 | I didn't bring you here so you could ambush her. |
| 487 | Frannie was the one who found your Playboys |
| 488 | and showed them to Mom. |
| 489 | That bitch. |
| 490 | Monica! |
| 491 | What... |
| 492 | Am I doing here? |
| 493 | Why? Surprised to see me? |
| 494 | Ross brought me. |
| 495 | How do you like that? |
| 496 | Hi, Frannie, congratulations. |
| 497 | You invite my brother |
| 498 | you invite my whole family and not me? |
| 499 | Why? |
| 500 | Why wouldn't you want me at your wedding? |
| 501 | What could I have possibly done? |
| 502 | Stuart. |
| 503 | I believe you know my husband. |
| 504 | So it's really a question of |
| 505 | who could you have possibly done? |
| 506 | Oh, I hate this, but I have to go. |
| 507 | I can't miss my flight. |
| 508 | Are you sure? |
| 509 | I bet there's another flight to Minsk in... July. |
| 510 | ( speaking Russian ) |
| 511 | That's really beautiful. |
| 512 | What does it mean? |
| 513 | Please clean my beakers. |
| 514 | I don't get out of the lab much. |
| 515 | ( giggles ) |
| 516 | I thought it meant... |
| 517 | something else. |
| 518 | Yeah, I, well, I really, actually |
| 519 | wanted to say, um, that. |
| 520 | But I figured I probably shouldn't |
| 521 | because, you know |
| 522 | I have to leave. |
| 523 | No, you're right, you're right. |
| 524 | Don't say it. |
| 525 | I do, though. |
| 526 | I do, too. |
| 527 | Bye, Phoebe. |
| 528 | Bye. |
| 529 | Okay, now's not the time, Joey, all right? |
| 530 | You can yell at me tomorrow. |
| 531 | No, no, no, Pheebs. |
| 532 | I'm not going to yell at you. |
| 533 | I just, you know, started thinking about you and David |
| 534 | and I remember how bummed you were the first time he left. |
| 535 | I just... |
| 536 | Oh, Pheebs, come here. |
| 537 | Are you okay? |
| 538 | No, I'm not okay. |
| 539 | The only guy I've ever been crazy about |
| 540 | is going to Minsk and I may never see him again. |
| 541 | Hey, you know, you could always visit him. |
| 542 | Oh, right-- like they're |
| 543 | going to let me have a passport. |
| 544 | Is there anything I can do? |
| 545 | Whatever you need. |
| 546 | Well, but now |
| 547 | if you could achieve positronic distillation |
| 548 | of subatomic particles, you know |
| 549 | before he does, then he could come back. |
| 550 | I could give it a shot. |
| 551 | Oh, yeah. Okay. |
| 552 | Oh, yay, look. |
| 553 | There's a piece that doesn't have floor on it. |
| 554 | Stick to your side. |
| 555 | Come on, now. |
| 556 | All right, what are we having? |
| 557 | Oh, wait. |
| 558 | I forgot my wrap. |
| 559 | Okay, wait here. |
| 560 | Hi, sweetie! |
| 561 | Are you leaving? |
| 562 | Well... Give us a kiss. |
| 563 | Come on. |
| 564 | ( groans ) |
| 565 | Come on. |
| 566 | Why?! |
| 567 | Why on the lips?! |
| 568 | |
| 1 | Ross, when's this comet thing start? |
| 2 | Well, technically, it started seven billion years ago... |
| 3 | No, no! Whoa! |
| 4 | Okay, okay, fine, I'll stop. |
| 5 | No teaching, okay? |
| 6 | We'll just watch the pretty lights |
| 7 | streaking across the sky. |
| 8 | Okay? Okay. |
| 9 | Whose official name is Bapstein-King... |
| 10 | Oh, come on! Okay, okay! |
| 11 | There it is! |
| 12 | Oh, look at that. |
| 13 | Isn't Mother Nature amazing? |
| 14 | That's a plane. |
| 15 | Well, all right |
| 16 | 1,700 bags of peanuts flying that high |
| 17 | that's pretty amazing, too. |
| 18 | Hey, I wonder if you can see my apartment from up here. |
| 19 | Oh, no, you can't. |
| 20 | What? |
| 21 | I don't... I don't know. |
| 22 | Wow, look at all those stars. |
| 23 | Infinite space. |
| 24 | Really... really makes you wonder, doesn't it? |
| 25 | Yeah. |
| 26 | You know what else makes you wonder? |
| 27 | Huh? |
| 28 | Check out the rack on this chick! |
| 29 | ♪ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ♪ |
| 30 | ♪ Your job's a joke, you're broke ♪ |
| 31 | ♪ Your love life's D.O.A. ♪ |
| 32 | ♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪ |
| 33 | ♪ When it hasn't been your day, your week ♪ |
| 34 | ♪ Your month, or even your year ♪ |
| 35 | ♪ But I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 36 | ♪ 'Cause you're there for me, too. ♪ |
| 37 | Okay, we've been out here for two hours |
| 38 | and we haven't seen any stupid comets. |
| 39 | Can we go now? |
| 40 | I mean, Chandler's getting chilly. |
| 41 | No, I'm n-not. |
| 42 | Then why are you wearing Monica's jacket? |
| 43 | Because it's flattering. |
| 44 | Come on, Monica, come on, Monica. |
| 45 | Yeah, you know what? |
| 46 | I think we're going to take off. We rented a movie. |
| 47 | Oh, I won't say no to a movie. |
| 48 | Oh, Pheebs, we just actually kind of wanted to be alone. |
| 49 | Shh. Get me out of here. Oh, okay. |
| 50 | Hey, Ross... What? |
| 51 | Come here, check this out. What, is it the comet? |
| 52 | No, no... look, |
| 53 | there's a bug stuck in tar right here. |
| 54 | Joey, I can't believe it. |
| 55 | I bring you here to see the Bapstein-King Comet |
| 56 | one of nature's most spectacular phenomena |
| 57 | and all you care about are bugs stuck in tar |
| 58 | and some woman. |
| 59 | You know, there's two women, dude. |
| 60 | Show me where? |
| 61 | Right up here. |
| 62 | Joey, where's the pipe |
| 63 | that was holding the door open? |
| 64 | I don't know. |
| 65 | Yeah, I do. |
| 66 | Joey! |
| 67 | What? All right... Hey, don't look at me. |
| 68 | You're the one who wanted to come up here |
| 69 | and look for some stupid... Burger King Comet! |
| 70 | It's called the Bapstein-King Comet, okay? |
| 71 | Oh... Hey, hey! |
| 72 | Bapstein was a very well-respected astronomer... |
| 73 | No-no! No! |
| 74 | No! |
| 75 | ( whispering ): Monica... |
| 76 | ( whispering ): She's sleeping. |
| 77 | I know, just quick question. Quick question. |
| 78 | Which one was Deep Impact |
| 79 | and which one was Armageddon? |
| 80 | Deep Impact was the one with Robert Duvall. |
| 81 | Armageddon is what's going to happen to you |
| 82 | if you wake me up. |
| 83 | Sorry, I just... can't sleep. |
| 84 | Ooh! |
| 85 | ( groans ) |
| 86 | Where is that book that you were reading |
| 87 | with the two women who were ice-skating |
| 88 | and wearing those hats with the flowers on it? |
| 89 | Because every time I look at that cover, I'm like... |
| 90 | ( snoring noises ) |
| 91 | It is in the living room, where there is also a light. |
| 92 | And no one will kick you in the shin. |
| 93 | What? |
| 94 | Ow! |
| 95 | ( beeping ) |
| 96 | Please don't be a spaceship. Please don't be a spaceship. |
| 97 | ( beeping continues ) |
| 98 | Oh, thank God. |
| 99 | ( beeping ) |
| 100 | ( grunts ) |
| 101 | ( beeping ) |
| 102 | How could you be beeping? |
| 103 | I just disconnected you! |
| 104 | I took out your battery! |
| 105 | ( beeps ) How can-- |
| 106 | Don't interrupt me! |
| 107 | Rachel! |
| 108 | Monica! |
| 109 | Come on! |
| 110 | I can't believe this! |
| 111 | All right, well, you know. |
| 112 | I guess we know what we have to do to get down. |
| 113 | Yeah... |
| 114 | I guess we don't have a choice. |
| 115 | Help us! Please, help us! |
| 116 | We're stuck up on the roof and we can't get down! |
| 117 | Ross... |
| 118 | I was thinking we'd just go down the fire escape. |
| 119 | I know, I wasn't finished. |
| 120 | But don't worry! |
| 121 | We're going to go down the fire escape! |
| 122 | ( loud clattering ) |
| 123 | Shh! |
| 124 | I'm sorry. I thought maybe I'd make some warm milk |
| 125 | and it would help me sleep. |
| 126 | With a wok? |
| 127 | I thought you were going to read my boring book |
| 128 | to put you to sleep? |
| 129 | It got interesting. |
| 130 | Damn you, Oprah! |
| 131 | Here, let me make the milk. |
| 132 | I'm up anyway. |
| 133 | Hey, you know what we could do, |
| 134 | you know, now that we're up? |
| 135 | We could just, like, talk to each other all night long. |
| 136 | You know, like we did when we were first going out. |
| 137 | It'd be fun. |
| 138 | Okay, that does sound fun. Yeah. |
| 139 | So, how bummed were you |
| 140 | when the second sister died, huh? |
| 141 | The second sister dies?! |
| 142 | No... |
| 143 | No, I-I was, I was talking about the book I was reading. |
| 144 | The second sister dies |
| 145 | in Archie and Jughead Double Digest? |
| 146 | That's correct. |
| 147 | You want to go in the bedroom? |
| 148 | A little more comfortable. |
| 149 | Sure. Okay. |
| 150 | Oh, wait, um... |
| 151 | Did you send those contracts to Milan? |
| 152 | If this is your idea of sexy talk... |
| 153 | ( chuckles ) |
| 154 | No, seriously. |
| 155 | You know the contracts I gave you? |
| 156 | did you overnight them? What contracts? |
| 157 | Okay, please tell me this is just one of your jokes |
| 158 | that you do that I don't get. |
| 159 | Like what? |
| 160 | You know, like the thing |
| 161 | when you put the phone in your pants? |
| 162 | ( laughs ) |
| 163 | Tag, I'm serious. |
| 164 | This isn't funny. |
| 165 | Those contracts absolutely had to go out today. |
| 166 | Rach, I'm sorry, but you didn't give me any contracts. |
| 167 | Yes, I did and I put a little Post-it on it |
| 168 | that said, "Must go out today" |
| 169 | and I underlined "today" three times |
| 170 | and then I put a little heart in the corner |
| 171 | 'cause I didn't want to seem too bossy. |
| 172 | I'm telling you, you never gave them to me. |
| 173 | You know what, Tag, if we went down to the office |
| 174 | you would see those contracts sitting on your desk. |
| 175 | No, I would see you looking embarrassed |
| 176 | because they are not on my desk. |
| 177 | Or maybe you would see me looking embarrassed |
| 178 | because you are talking on the phone with your crotch. |
| 179 | Look, do you want to go down to the office right now? |
| 180 | No, come on, it's late. |
| 181 | We're not going to go down to the office. |
| 182 | Yeah, I understand. |
| 183 | I wouldn't want to be proved wrong either. |
| 184 | All right, get your coat! |
| 185 | Oh! When did you unhook this? |
| 186 | Nice work. |
| 187 | ( grunting ) |
| 188 | It won't go down any further, it's stuck. |
| 189 | ( sighs ) |
| 190 | Well, we're just going to have to jump. |
| 191 | Yeah. |
| 192 | Now, we're going to have to make sure |
| 193 | to land to the right |
| 194 | of that patch of ice, okay? |
| 195 | Not hit the Dumpster on the other side |
| 196 | and try to avoid that-that... |
| 197 | weird brownish-red stuff in the middle. |
| 198 | So, when you get down there... |
| 199 | you go up to the roof |
| 200 | and you let me in. |
| 201 | Whoa, wait a minute, I have to do it? |
| 202 | Yeah, oh, yeah. You'll be fine. |
| 203 | It'll be, uh... |
| 204 | just like bungee jumping, you know? |
| 205 | But instead of bouncing back up |
| 206 | you... you won't. |
| 207 | But what if I smack my head on the concrete? |
| 208 | Well, I'm not going to lie to you, Joey. |
| 209 | It's a possibility. |
| 210 | I don't know, Ross. |
| 211 | I tell you what |
| 212 | let's flip to see who does it, okay? |
| 213 | You call it in the air, all right? |
| 214 | Oh, all right. Tails... |
| 215 | Ooh! |
| 216 | Can you... can you see what it is? |
| 217 | No. |
| 218 | Okay, well, you be careful. |
| 219 | Wha... no-no, Ross. |
| 220 | No, no... stop. |
| 221 | I'm not jumping! Well... |
| 222 | Okay, look, I have an audition tomorrow |
| 223 | and I can't go if I break my leg. |
| 224 | Well, I'm not jumping. |
| 225 | I have a son, okay? |
| 226 | He won't have a father if I die. |
| 227 | Well, all right, so it looks like we're even. |
| 228 | Okay, so this wire is connected to this wire |
| 229 | which plugs into here. |
| 230 | Okay, so to get the beeping to stop, |
| 231 | all I have to do... |
| 232 | Well done, Pheebs. |
| 233 | ( rapid beeping ) |
| 234 | What do you want from me?! |
| 235 | Okay, here's your milk. |
| 236 | What do you want to talk about? |
| 237 | ( slams door ) What? What? |
| 238 | Oh, were you sleeping, sweetie? |
| 239 | I'm sorry... here. |
| 240 | Okay, feel free to look, but I'm telling you |
| 241 | those contracts are not on this desk. |
| 242 | How could you possibly know? Look at this mess, Tag. |
| 243 | I mean, this is what I'm talking about. |
| 244 | You have to be more organized. |
| 245 | You've got newspapers, you've got magazines, |
| 246 | you've... oh! |
| 247 | And who's this chippy? |
| 248 | A little young for you, Tag, but whatever. |
| 249 | It's my sister? |
| 250 | Really? Very cute braces. |
| 251 | Anyway, you know what? |
| 252 | The point is, Tag, start looking |
| 253 | because you are going to find those contracts on your desk. |
| 254 | So when do you imagine |
| 255 | you gave them to me? |
| 256 | In the morning or in the afternoon? |
| 257 | In the afternoon. |
| 258 | Mr. Zelner came into my office after lunch |
| 259 | he put them on my desk |
| 260 | and then I put a Post-it on it... |
| 261 | that said... |
| 262 | "Must go out today." |
| 263 | So you just keep looking in there, all right? |
| 264 | They're not here. |
| 265 | Puzzler. |
| 266 | Bit of a puzzle. |
| 267 | Why don't you, um, check the copy room? |
| 268 | Maybe you left the contracts in there. |
| 269 | How could I have left them in the copy room? |
| 270 | I don't know, Tag-- how can your genitals make phone calls? |
| 271 | Okay, it's not a perfect world. |
| 272 | Just go, please. |
| 273 | Fine. Thank you. |
| 274 | Hello. |
| 275 | I still don't get it. |
| 276 | You still awake? |
| 277 | Yeah. You? |
| 278 | You do know that was me |
| 279 | that just said that, right? |
| 280 | Hey, as long as we're both up... |
| 281 | Yeah? |
| 282 | Mmm-hmm. |
| 283 | I hope you're not thinking about |
| 284 | cleaning the living room. |
| 285 | Man, I'm starving. |
| 286 | What the hell was I thinking at dinner-- |
| 287 | "Do you want soup or salad?" |
| 288 | Both. Always order both. |
| 289 | You know, you know, I'm looking... |
| 290 | and I don't think anyone's home here. |
| 291 | I say we just break the window, crawl through, |
| 292 | and-and, you know, explain later. |
| 293 | Really? No one's home? |
| 294 | I don't think so. |
| 295 | Hello? ( pounding ) |
| 296 | ( dog growling and barking ) |
| 297 | So, when you get in there... |
| 298 | ( beeping ) |
| 299 | Okay, this is where you and I part ways... |
| 300 | Noisy bitch. |
| 301 | Oh... what? |
| 302 | What are you doing? |
| 303 | Do you know what just happened? |
| 304 | Yeah. We-we had sex, then we fell asleep. |
| 305 | No, we were in the middle of sex... |
| 306 | and you fell asleep. |
| 307 | No... |
| 308 | No, that's not true. |
| 309 | No, best time ever. |
| 310 | Yeah, you rocked my world. |
| 311 | Monica? What? |
| 312 | I was giving you some of my best moves |
| 313 | and you missed it |
| 314 | so please wake up so we can do it right. |
| 315 | Okay, okay, I'm ready. |
| 316 | Come on, big fella. Okay... |
| 317 | Give me the good stuff. Yeah! |
| 318 | No, no, no, don't fall asleep. |
| 319 | Oh... |
| 320 | Okay, I am going to make you some coffee. |
| 321 | Uh, I probably won't spill coffee grounds |
| 322 | all over the kitchen floor. |
| 323 | Okay, I'm up, I'm up. |
| 324 | Hi. Hi. |
| 325 | I got you some coffee. |
| 326 | Two, uh... |
| 327 | So, do you got anything for me? |
| 328 | Still no luck. |
| 329 | Oh, my God! |
| 330 | Did you check your entire desk? |
| 331 | Did you check all the drawers? |
| 332 | You want me to check again? |
| 333 | Well, yeah, I wish you would. |
| 334 | Well, no, it's not in there. |
| 335 | How about that drawer? |
| 336 | Well, it's not out here. |
| 337 | Is there any chance it could be in your office? |
| 338 | I don't... I don't know. |
| 339 | Let me... let me check. |
| 340 | Any luck? |
| 341 | Tag, can I see you in my office for a minute? |
| 342 | Yeah? |
| 343 | You found them! |
| 344 | You know what? I'm not even going to gloat. |
| 345 | I'm just really relieved this whole thing is over. |
| 346 | You put these on my desk. |
| 347 | I did not. Oh, really? |
| 348 | So you're saying they just slid |
| 349 | out of your bottom drawer, |
| 350 | crawled across the floor, then jumped onto my desk? |
| 351 | How did you know they were in my bottom drawer? |
| 352 | I am so hot for you right now. |
| 353 | ( knocking ) |
| 354 | ( extended beeping ) |
| 355 | Oh, my God! |
| 356 | How did you get back here?! |
| 357 | Man: Phoebe Buffay? |
| 358 | ( beeping continues ) |
| 359 | Fire Alarm? |
| 360 | Oh, hi, Officer Fireman. Can-can I help you? |
| 361 | We found your fire alarm in the trash chute. Mmm-hmm, that's not mine. |
| 362 | Yes, it is. How do you know? |
| 363 | The next time you want to dump a fire alarm in the trash cute, |
| 364 | don't wrap it in a blanket that says |
| 365 | "Property of Phoebe Buffay, not Monica." |
| 366 | Okay, do you... Okay, do you have a search warrant? |
| 367 | Because the last time I checked, |
| 368 | this was still America. |
| 369 | Please reattach this. |
| 370 | It's against the law to disconnect them. |
| 371 | Fine. But please, God, tell me |
| 372 | how to stop it from going off. |
| 373 | Press the reset button under the plastic cover. |
| 374 | There's a reset button? |
| 375 | Oh, thank you, thank you. |
| 376 | Oh, there's a reset button! |
| 377 | My God! why didn't I see that? |
| 378 | Reset button, reset button... |
| 379 | Where is there a reset button? |
| 380 | Oh, here it is. |
| 381 | Oh! |
| 382 | Oh... |
| 383 | God! |
| 384 | Okay, you... you have a good grip? |
| 385 | Yeah. |
| 386 | Okay, I'm gonna start to climb down you now. |
| 387 | All right, just hurry up. Okay. |
| 388 | Now-now-now, should I climb down your front |
| 389 | so we're face-to-face, |
| 390 | or should I climb down your back, so we're... we're... |
| 391 | butt-to-face? |
| 392 | Face-to-face. Face-to-face. |
| 393 | I think face-to-face, yeah. |
| 394 | Okay, here I come. |
| 395 | All right. |
| 396 | Oh, my... how much do you weigh, Ross?! |
| 397 | I'd prefer not to answer that right now. |
| 398 | I'm still carrying a little holiday weight. |
| 399 | Uh... |
| 400 | ( grunting ) |
| 401 | Uh, you know, when we talked about face-to-face, |
| 402 | I don't think we thought it all the way through. |
| 403 | Well, what do you want me to do?! |
| 404 | Just shimmy down me and drop. |
| 405 | Oh! |
| 406 | Hi. |
| 407 | Hi. |
| 408 | You know, m-maybe I should hang |
| 409 | and you should climb down me. |
| 410 | Yeah? Maybe we should talk about that for a little while! |
| 411 | It still looks pretty far. |
| 412 | It's not that far. |
| 413 | Just drop. |
| 414 | Do not rush me! |
| 415 | Go! |
| 416 | ( groaning ) |
| 417 | Oh, Ross, you should know |
| 418 | that my pants are starting to come down |
| 419 | and I'm not wearing any underwear. |
| 420 | ( screaming ) |
| 421 | Oh! My ankle! |
| 422 | I really hurt my ankle! |
| 423 | I think I twisted it... |
| 424 | Ooh, a quarter! |
| 425 | That really was some of your best work. |
| 426 | Mmm, I told you. |
| 427 | ( snaps fingers ) |
| 428 | Wow, I can't believe it, I've only got two hours |
| 429 | until I call in sick for work. |
| 430 | I have to be up in seven minutes. |
| 431 | Well, you're not gonna to believe this, |
| 432 | but if you have seven minutes... |
| 433 | Really? |
| 434 | You wanna? |
| 435 | Okay! You get the vacuum cleaner |
| 436 | and I'll get the furniture polish! |
| 437 | |
| 1 | Hey. |
| 2 | Hi. |
| 3 | What are you doing? |
| 4 | Well, you know, I was thinking of moving the couch over here. |
| 5 | Why would you want to do that? |
| 6 | So that there would be a decent place for me to sit. |
| 7 | Rach... |
| 8 | There is a decent place... |
| 9 | And your lap does not count. |
| 10 | Okay, come on, help me move this. |
| 11 | No, no, no. |
| 12 | No? |
| 13 | No. Rosita does not move. |
| 14 | I'm sorry. |
| 15 | Rosita? |
| 16 | As in...? |
| 17 | As in Rosita does not move. |
| 18 | Joey, it's just a chair. |
| 19 | What's the big deal? |
| 20 | The big deal is that it is the exact equal distance |
| 21 | from the bathroom to the kitchen and it's at the perfect angle |
| 22 | so you don't get any glare coming off of Stevie. |
| 23 | Stevie the TV? |
| 24 | Is there a problem? |
| 25 | No. |
| 26 | Oh, what does he know? |
| 27 | Come on, Rosita. |
| 28 | Us chicas got to stick together. |
| 29 | ( grunting ) |
| 30 | Oh! |
| 31 | ( gasps ) |
| 32 | You bitch. |
| 33 | [Captioning sponsored by WARNER BROS. TELEVISION] |
| 34 | ♪ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ♪ |
| 35 | ♪ Your job's a joke, you're broke ♪ |
| 36 | ♪ Your love life's D.O.A. ♪ |
| 37 | ♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪ |
| 38 | ♪ When it hasn't been your day, your week ♪ |
| 39 | ♪ Your month, or even your year ♪ |
| 40 | ♪ But I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 41 | ♪ 'Cause you're there for me, too. ♪ |
| 42 | Hey, Ross, so, I was checking out |
| 43 | the real estate section... |
| 44 | Yeah? |
| 45 | Look at this. |
| 46 | It looks like Mom and Dad's house. |
| 47 | It even has a tree |
| 48 | with a broken limb out front. |
| 49 | And the, uh... |
| 50 | the window in the attic... |
| 51 | Oh, my God! |
| 52 | What? What happened |
| 53 | to the window in the attic? |
| 54 | I can't believe Mom and Dad |
| 55 | are selling the house. |
| 56 | I can't believe they didn't even tell us. |
| 57 | I can't believe I still don't know what happened |
| 58 | to the window in the attic. |
| 59 | Okay, come on, Joey |
| 60 | I'll buy you a new one, all right? |
| 61 | We'll go down to the store right now |
| 62 | and we'll get you a new chair. |
| 63 | She's not even cold yet. |
| 64 | But don't you think Rosita would have wanted you to move on? |
| 65 | I mean, she did always put your comfort first. |
| 66 | Well, that's true. |
| 67 | I can't believe we have to say good-bye |
| 68 | to the house we grew up in. |
| 69 | Man, some stranger's going to be living in my room. |
| 70 | Well, after 15 years of Mom and Dad keeping it as a shrine to you |
| 71 | it's time the velvet ropes came down. |
| 72 | They kept your room for awhile. |
| 73 | Oh, please. |
| 74 | Dad turned my room into a gym |
| 75 | 20 minutes after I moved out. |
| 76 | I got to say, a tanning bed |
| 77 | and a stack of Victoria's Secret catalogs-- |
| 78 | not a gym. |
| 79 | Come on. |
| 80 | You know they love you. |
| 81 | As much as they love you? |
| 82 | I was their firstborn. |
| 83 | They thought she was barren. |
| 84 | It's not my fault. |
| 85 | I hate this year. |
| 86 | What's wrong with this year? |
| 87 | Well, okay, it's already February |
| 88 | and I've only given two massages |
| 89 | and they were both the worst tippers in the world. |
| 90 | That was me and Ross. |
| 91 | Oh, that's right. |
| 92 | Hey, you know, if you want to pick up some extra cash |
| 93 | some friends of mine made good money in college |
| 94 | doing telemarketing. |
| 95 | Yeah, and it'll probably be better |
| 96 | than the last telephone job I had. |
| 97 | I probably won't have to say "spank" as much. |
| 98 | What? |
| 99 | Oh, yeah, like you never called. |
| 100 | So, basically this is very easy. |
| 101 | You read from the script |
| 102 | and you try to sell as much toner |
| 103 | as you possibly can. |
| 104 | Okay, I can do that. |
| 105 | Oh, by the way, I love my office. |
| 106 | Why don't we do a trial run. |
| 107 | Oh, okay. |
| 108 | Um... all right. |
| 109 | Hi, this is Phoebe from Empire Office Supplies. |
| 110 | Can I speak to your supply manager, please? |
| 111 | I'm the supply manager. |
| 112 | Okay, I'd like to talk to you about your toner needs. |
| 113 | We don't need any toner. |
| 114 | Oh, okay, well, I'm sorry to bother you. Bye-bye. |
| 115 | Yeah, you're right, this is easy. |
| 116 | Okay, what was wrong with that call? |
| 117 | Oh, well, all right. |
| 118 | Um, no offense, but you were kind of rude. |
| 119 | They're always going to tell you they don't need toner |
| 120 | but that's okay. |
| 121 | Because whatever they say, you can find the answer to it |
| 122 | here in the script. |
| 123 | Oh. |
| 124 | So I think you're ready to sell toner. |
| 125 | Any last questions? |
| 126 | No. |
| 127 | Oh, wait, yes, I do. |
| 128 | I do have one question. |
| 129 | What is toner? |
| 130 | Joey. |
| 131 | Joe? |
| 132 | Full bag? |
| 133 | Beer's still cold. |
| 134 | Something terrible must have happened here. |
| 135 | Oh, no, no, no, no... |
| 136 | Stevie, I was never here. |
| 137 | ROSS: Dad? |
| 138 | I'm here. |
| 139 | Hey. |
| 140 | Hi. |
| 141 | God, it seems like just yesterday |
| 142 | you guys used to come out to watch me work. |
| 143 | Dad, we can't believe you're selling the house. |
| 144 | Well, it's time for a new family to start their memories here. |
| 145 | And hopefully, their check will clear |
| 146 | before they find the crack in the foundation |
| 147 | and the asbestos in the ceiling. |
| 148 | Let's just grab our stuff-- |
| 149 | get the hell out of here. |
| 150 | I'm sorry we can't store your childhood things anymore. |
| 151 | I can't wait to see everything again. |
| 152 | All the memories. |
| 153 | I don't know what's in the boxes down here |
| 154 | but I do know there are six or seven Easy Bake Ovens |
| 155 | in the attic. |
| 156 | I used to love to play "restaurant." |
| 157 | Not as much as you loved to play "uncooked batter eater." |
| 158 | Hey, it is unreasonable to expect a child |
| 159 | to wait for a light bulb to cook brownies. |
| 160 | So, I think your boxes are over here. |
| 161 | Oh, great. |
| 162 | Hey, Dad, whose cigarettes are these? |
| 163 | I don't know. |
| 164 | They... they must be your mother's. |
| 165 | But please, please don't ask her. |
| 166 | I'll throw these away. |
| 167 | Cool, Dad! |
| 168 | My report cards! |
| 169 | Hey, check this out, Dad... |
| 170 | Math, "A," Science, "A" |
| 171 | History, "A," Gym... |
| 172 | Ooh, my rock polisher! |
| 173 | Uh-oh. |
| 174 | What? |
| 175 | You know how the garage floods every spring? |
| 176 | How are you ever going to sell this place? |
| 177 | I think I accidentally used Monica's boxes |
| 178 | to keep the water away from the Porsche. |
| 179 | Oh, no, Dad. |
| 180 | Dad... |
| 181 | What the...? |
| 182 | Oh... Everything's ruined. |
| 183 | Dad, she's going to be crushed. |
| 184 | You don't secretly smoke, do you? |
| 185 | No. |
| 186 | So it's just your mother then. |
| 187 | Hi. |
| 188 | This is Phoebe from Empire Office Supplies. |
| 189 | Can I speak to your supply manager, please? |
| 190 | Earl. Thanks. |
| 191 | Hi, Earl. |
| 192 | This is Phoebe from Empire Office Supplies. |
| 193 | I'd like to talk to you about your toner needs. |
| 194 | ( speaking in monotone ): I don't need any toner. |
| 195 | I'm hearing what you're saying |
| 196 | but at our prices, everyone needs toner. |
| 197 | Not me. |
| 198 | May I ask why? |
| 199 | You want to know why... |
| 200 | You want to know why? |
| 201 | I surely do. |
| 202 | Okay. |
| 203 | I don't need any toner... |
| 204 | because I'm going to kill myself. |
| 205 | Um... |
| 206 | Is-is that because you're out of toner? |
| 207 | Okay, so... no toner today. |
| 208 | Thanks, anyway. Bye-bye. |
| 209 | No! No! Wait! Wait! |
| 210 | I can't just let you hang up. |
| 211 | Just... please talk to me. |
| 212 | Well... |
| 213 | I only had one thing to do today. |
| 214 | Guess I could push it back. |
| 215 | Yeah. Now... |
| 216 | why do you want to kill yourself? |
| 217 | I've been working for ten years now |
| 218 | at this meaningless, dead-end job |
| 219 | and nobody here even knows that I exist. |
| 220 | Chandler? |
| 221 | I'm-I'm sorry? |
| 222 | No. |
| 223 | Oh... look... |
| 224 | I'm-I'm sure that people know you exist. |
| 225 | Oh, yeah? |
| 226 | I work in a cubicle |
| 227 | surrounded by people. |
| 228 | I've been talking to you |
| 229 | for five minutes now about killing myself... |
| 230 | and no one's even looked up from their desk. |
| 231 | Hang on. |
| 232 | Hey, everybody, uh... |
| 233 | I'm going to kill myself. |
| 234 | I got nothing. |
| 235 | Good chair. |
| 236 | Now, if anybody asks, your name is Rosita. |
| 237 | RACHEL: Joey, you're going to like it. |
| 238 | JOEY: No, I won't. |
| 239 | How do you even know? |
| 240 | I know what I like and what I don't like |
| 241 | and it's not the same chair. |
| 242 | Joey, you didn't even sit in it. |
| 243 | I'm telling you, it's such a nice chair. |
| 244 | I feel bad sitting in it so soon. |
| 245 | Poor thing. |
| 246 | Cut down in her prime. |
| 247 | Joey, the new chair will be here in an hour. |
| 248 | Maybe we should actually move Rosita out of here, you know? |
| 249 | Start the healing process? |
| 250 | Yeah, I guess you're right. |
| 251 | She's healed! |
| 252 | That's weird. |
| 253 | No, it's not weird, it's a miracle! |
| 254 | It's not a miracle, Joey. |
| 255 | I'm sure there's some explanation. |
| 256 | Oh, there is. |
| 257 | If you want something enough |
| 258 | and your heart is pure, wondrous things can happen! |
| 259 | Well, she'll understand, right? |
| 260 | It's not like I did it on purpose. |
| 261 | Dad, that won't matter to her. |
| 262 | Look, all my stuff is safe and dry |
| 263 | and all her stuff is-is... is growing new stuff. |
| 264 | See, this is exactly the kind of thing |
| 265 | that makes her think you guys love me |
| 266 | more than you love her. |
| 267 | Oh, my God! Does she really think that? |
| 268 | Well, can you blame her? |
| 269 | Well, I don't know. |
| 270 | I-I suppose we may have favored you unconsciously. |
| 271 | You were a medical marvel! |
| 272 | The doctors said your mother could never... |
| 273 | Dad, Dad, I don't want to hear about it. |
| 274 | Really? |
| 275 | Well, not right now. |
| 276 | Okay, look-- Monica came here for some memories |
| 277 | and, damn it, we're going to give her some! |
| 278 | Okay, grab... |
| 279 | Grab some empty boxes, okay? |
| 280 | We'll-we'll take stuff from mine |
| 281 | and whatever we can pass off as hers |
| 282 | we'll-we'll put them in there. |
| 283 | Great. |
| 284 | Like, uh... |
| 285 | you know, like this. |
| 286 | This-- she could've made this, right? |
| 287 | Sure. |
| 288 | And this, she-she could've won this. |
| 289 | This could've been hers. |
| 290 | Sure. |
| 291 | You know, if you want to tell the medical marvel |
| 292 | story while we work, that'd be fine. |
| 293 | Oh! I am so psyched I kept this chair for myself! |
| 294 | Oh! |
| 295 | Yeah, me, too. |
| 296 | Wow! |
| 297 | You know that this thing has speakers |
| 298 | in the headrest? |
| 299 | No. Really? |
| 300 | Yeah! |
| 301 | You can hook it up to your TV, and you get radio. |
| 302 | My chair heals itself. |
| 303 | All right, so, Earl |
| 304 | let's just forget about the people at the office, okay? |
| 305 | There-there's got to be someone else in your life |
| 306 | that's worth sticking around for. |
| 307 | What about... what about your family or friends |
| 308 | or maybe a girlfriend? |
| 309 | ( laughing ): Yeah. Right. |
| 310 | Oh, sorry. Boyfriend. |
| 311 | Okay, I should... |
| 312 | I should probably be getting back to my thing now. |
| 313 | See you. |
| 314 | No... |
| 315 | I'm not finished yet! |
| 316 | Don't you dare hang up on me! |
| 317 | The new girl's good. |
| 318 | Okay, so, which boxes are mine? |
| 319 | Oh, these are yours right here. |
| 320 | Okay. |
| 321 | Oh! A coloring book! Yeah, yeah. |
| 322 | Oh, you loved that thing. |
| 323 | You always had it with you. |
| 324 | You never went anywhere without that coloring book. |
| 325 | Really? Wow. |
| 326 | Looks like I had some trouble staying inside the lines. |
| 327 | Nuh-uh! |
| 328 | Wow, look at this! |
| 329 | I can't believe I even fit into this shirt. |
| 330 | Oh... |
| 331 | This is yours. |
| 332 | I don't know how that got in there. |
| 333 | ( nervous chuckle ) |
| 334 | Hey, this... this isn't my stuff. |
| 335 | Ross, these are your boxes. |
| 336 | Where are my boxes? |
| 337 | Well, the garage flooded, sweetie |
| 338 | and it ruined everything in your boxes. |
| 339 | I'm sorry. |
| 340 | Just mine? |
| 341 | I'm afraid so. |
| 342 | So why... why wasn't Ross's stuff ruined? |
| 343 | I used your boxes to divert water away from the Porsche. |
| 344 | So, wait-- Ross's stuff is fine, but I have no memories |
| 345 | because you wanted to keep |
| 346 | the bottom two inches of your car away from water? |
| 347 | There was also leaves and gook and stuff. |
| 348 | I can't believe this! |
| 349 | Screw it. I'm having one. |
| 350 | Hey, Chandler. |
| 351 | Hey. |
| 352 | How would you like to sit |
| 353 | in a chair that fully reclines |
| 354 | has a rolling massage, and speakers in the headrest? |
| 355 | Yeah, I'd love to |
| 356 | but I've tried that so many times |
| 357 | they won't even let me in the store anymore. |
| 358 | Well, what if I told you |
| 359 | that you could do it in my apartment? |
| 360 | Are you telling me that you bought the chair |
| 361 | that is making all other lounge systems obsolete |
| 362 | the chair that Sit Magazine called, "Chair of the Year"? |
| 363 | Mm-hmm. |
| 364 | I just purchased the La-Z-Boy Ecliner 3000. |
| 365 | But that's awesome. That's great. |
| 366 | What made you do it? |
| 367 | Well, it's a long story, but, um, I broke Joey's chair. |
| 368 | Whoa, whoa, whoa. |
| 369 | You broke Joey's chair? |
| 370 | Yeah. I thought I broke Joey's chair. |
| 371 | That's why I replaced it with mine. |
| 372 | Oh... |
| 373 | that's how it got fixed. |
| 374 | Well, what did you think |
| 375 | that-that elves came in and fixed it? |
| 376 | No... |
| 377 | ( laughs ) |
| 378 | angels. |
| 379 | I'm getting my chair back. |
| 380 | Wha... w... hey. |
| 381 | Well, looks like it wasn't healed after all. |
| 382 | Yeah. |
| 383 | So... |
| 384 | I guess this chair's mine now. |
| 385 | ( clears throat ) |
| 386 | ( sighs pleasurably ) |
| 387 | Joey, you broke my chair! |
| 388 | Your chair? |
| 389 | Yeah, he thought he broke your chair |
| 390 | so he switched the chairs. |
| 391 | So, there was no miracle? |
| 392 | No, Joe, no miracle. |
| 393 | Oh, no, this is devastating. |
| 394 | My faith is shaken. |
| 395 | I'm so glad I have the new chair to get me |
| 396 | through this difficult time in my life. |
| 397 | Excuse me, could you tell me where I could find Earl? |
| 398 | He's the supply manager here. |
| 399 | Sorry, I don't know any Earl. |
| 400 | I'm right here! |
| 401 | Earl... |
| 402 | I'm Phoebe. |
| 403 | Phoebe? |
| 404 | The lady who sells toner? |
| 405 | Look, you can't kill yourself. |
| 406 | Look, um... I really appreciate you coming down... |
| 407 | No-no, I can't... I can't let you do it. |
| 408 | Why? |
| 409 | Because it was fate that made me call you today. |
| 410 | I thought it was toner. |
| 411 | No. |
| 412 | Think about it, okay? |
| 413 | This isn't even my regular job, okay? |
| 414 | And my first day on the job, you're my first call |
| 415 | an-and somebody else might've hung up on you |
| 416 | but I wouldn't do that, because I know about this stuff. |
| 417 | My mom killed herself. |
| 418 | Really? |
| 419 | Yes. How? |
| 420 | I'm not going to give you tips. |
| 421 | Look, don't you see? |
| 422 | Th-This-This... this all came together |
| 423 | so that I could stop you from doing this. |
| 424 | Couldn't it just be a coincidence? |
| 425 | No, it's fate. |
| 426 | That doesn't really seem like enough to be fate. |
| 427 | Oh, well... um, okay, here's a weird thing-- |
| 428 | my mother was also a supply manager. |
| 429 | Well, I'm actually the office manager. |
| 430 | Oh, my God, so was she! |
| 431 | And, get this, okay? |
| 432 | Your-Your name is Earl, right? |
| 433 | Her name was Pearl, Puh-earl. |
| 434 | W-Was there anything else? |
| 435 | Sure. |
| 436 | Um... |
| 437 | where you from? |
| 438 | Philadelphia. |
| 439 | Oh, my God! |
| 440 | So was she! |
| 441 | ( laughing ) |
| 442 | So, I've got goose... I've got goose bumps. |
| 443 | ( chuckling ): Really? |
| 444 | Well, you know, I'm wearing layers |
| 445 | and it's warm, so... Yeah, yeah. |
| 446 | But it... look... |
| 447 | Okay, these jerks might not care about you |
| 448 | but the universe does and that says a lot. |
| 449 | Did you hear that? |
| 450 | I don't need you guys to care about me |
| 451 | because the universe cares! |
| 452 | The whole universe! |
| 453 | ( laughing tauntingly ) |
| 454 | I really wish they'd care just a little bit, though. |
| 455 | Oh, this is terrible. |
| 456 | Everything is destroyed. |
| 457 | Look at this. |
| 458 | It obviously meant enough for me to save it |
| 459 | and I don't even know what it is. |
| 460 | Oh... it's still soft. |
| 461 | What do you think this is? |
| 462 | Mon, I-I think it was a mouse. |
| 463 | ( screams ) |
| 464 | ( thuds ) |
| 465 | Oh! Oh, my God! |
| 466 | How are you, honey? |
| 467 | MONICA: How do you think I am? |
| 468 | You've wrecked all my childhood memories... |
| 469 | you love Ross more than me... |
| 470 | and I just rubbed a dead mouse on my face. |
| 471 | Sweetheart, we love you just as much as Ross. |
| 472 | Now, I'm sorry about everything that happened |
| 473 | and I'll probably never be able to make it up to you |
| 474 | but... here's a start. |
| 475 | What's this? |
| 476 | It's the key to my Porsche. |
| 477 | Well... the key to your Porsche. |
| 478 | What? |
| 479 | What?! |
| 480 | I've been thinking of getting rid of it |
| 481 | and I was driving it the other day |
| 482 | and I saw my reflection in a store window. |
| 483 | Your mother's right-- I do look like an ass. |
| 484 | You're giving me your Porsche? |
| 485 | You're kidding me, right? |
| 486 | W-W-Wai... W-Wai-Wait a minute. |
| 487 | I mean, a couple of stupid boxes get wet |
| 488 | and she gets a Porsche?! |
| 489 | Why don't we take it for a spin? |
| 490 | All right! |
| 491 | Wh-What about me?! |
| 492 | I'm a medical marvel! |
| 493 | [Captioned by The Caption Center WGBH Educational Foundation] |
| 494 | Oh, yeah. |
| 495 | ( both sighing pleasurably ) |
| 496 | Hey, guys. BOTH: Hey. |
| 497 | Do you know what happened |
| 498 | to Chandler's Barcalounger? |
| 499 | Oh, yeah, Joey broke it. |
| 500 | He had to get rid of it. |
| 501 | Are you kidding? |
| 502 | I get a Porsche and the Barcalounger's gone? |
| 503 | This is the best day ever! |
| 504 | |
| 1 | ( blowing noisemakers ) |
| 2 | ALL: Happy Birthday! |
| 3 | Come on. Rach, come on. |
| 4 | Rach... It's your birthday. |
| 5 | Hey. |
| 6 | She's not as pretty |
| 7 | as she was when she was 29. |
| 8 | Miss Green would like to establish some ground rules |
| 9 | before she comes out. |
| 10 | She would appreciate it |
| 11 | if you didn't use the words "old" or "downhill" |
| 12 | or "they still look pretty damn good." |
| 13 | They do! |
| 14 | Rachel... |
| 15 | come on out! |
| 16 | Monica made breakfast. |
| 17 | Chocolate chip pancakes! |
| 18 | We've got presents. |
| 19 | Good ones? |
| 20 | They all came from the list |
| 21 | you handed out to us two weeks ago. |
| 22 | Well, can I keep the presents and still be 29? |
| 23 | Come on, Rach. |
| 24 | Look, turning 30's not that big a deal. |
| 25 | Oh, really? |
| 26 | Is that how you felt when you turned 30? |
| 27 | Why, God, why? |
| 28 | We had a deal. |
| 29 | Let the others grow old, not me. |
| 30 | ( sobbing ) |
| 31 | Oh, come on, you guys, is it just me? |
| 32 | Am I overreacting to this? |
| 33 | No, Rach, it's not just you. |
| 34 | My 30th birthday certainly wasn't that much fun. |
| 35 | And now Chandler. |
| 36 | We're all getting so old. |
| 37 | Why are you doing this to us? |
| 38 | ♪ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ♪ |
| 39 | ♪ Your job's a joke, you're broke ♪ |
| 40 | ♪ Your love life's D.O.A. ♪ |
| 41 | ♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪ |
| 42 | ♪ When it hasn't been your day, your week ♪ |
| 43 | ♪ Your month, or even your year ♪ |
| 44 | ♪ But I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 45 | ♪ 'Cause you're there for me, too. ♪ |
| 46 | Rach, you're in a great place in your life. |
| 47 | You have an amazing job, good friends. |
| 48 | Yeah. |
| 49 | Your roommate's a soap opera star. |
| 50 | Your character's in a coma. |
| 51 | I promised myself |
| 52 | I wasn't going to cry at this one. |
| 53 | RACHEL: Look, you know |
| 54 | I know my life's going pretty well |
| 55 | but I look around and I just see |
| 56 | so many people who have accomplished |
| 57 | so many of their goals by the time they're 30. |
| 58 | Yeah, but you shouldn't compare yourself to me. |
| 59 | Come on, Phoebe! |
| 60 | You can do it, Phoebe! |
| 61 | Come on, Phoebe, come on. |
| 62 | There you go! |
| 63 | ( cheering ) |
| 64 | Yay! Yay! Whoo-hoo! |
| 65 | There you go. |
| 66 | I did it! |
| 67 | Look, one mile on a hippity-hop. |
| 68 | Ha-ha! That's it. |
| 69 | That's everything I wanted to do before I was 30. |
| 70 | Oh! Except I wanted to patch things up with my sister. |
| 71 | Oh, well, but... yay! |
| 72 | ( cheering ) |
| 73 | PHOEBE: And-and girls-- |
| 74 | this thing is a godsend |
| 75 | if you know what I mean. |
| 76 | ( whooping ) |
| 77 | Whoo. |
| 78 | Whoo. |
| 79 | Come on, let's have some fun, huh? |
| 80 | What do you want to do today? |
| 81 | Nothing. I don't want to do anything. |
| 82 | Doing nothing on your 30th |
| 83 | is better than doing something stupid... |
| 84 | like Ross. |
| 85 | Hey, that was a practical purchase. |
| 86 | I needed that car for transportation, okay? |
| 87 | I-I have a child. |
| 88 | How hot do I look in this,huh? |
| 89 | Ross, a sports car? |
| 90 | Wouldn't it have been cheaper |
| 91 | to just stuff a sock down there? |
| 92 | That's not what this is about, okay? |
| 93 | I-I am a sports car enthusiast. |
| 94 | I've always been into cars. |
| 95 | Hey, what's... |
| 96 | the horsepower on this thing? |
| 97 | I don't know, but-but look how shiny. |
| 98 | I can't believe you bought this. |
| 99 | Hey, could I have a ride, stud? |
| 100 | Hop in. |
| 101 | Get ready for the smoothest ride of your life. |
| 102 | ( engine revving ) |
| 103 | ( tires squeaking ) |
| 104 | Damn it! |
| 105 | Okay, who's next? |
| 106 | You know what? |
| 107 | I am going to do something today. |
| 108 | I'm not just going to sit around |
| 109 | like some old lady. |
| 110 | I'm going to get something pierced... mm-hmm. |
| 111 | Like my, uh... |
| 112 | like my nose or my tongue, or something. |
| 113 | Really? 'Cause, you know, that hurts. |
| 114 | So what? You know what, the way I see it... |
| 115 | Ow! Son of a bitch! |
| 116 | TAG: Look, Rachel. |
| 117 | I know what you're going through. |
| 118 | I'm totally freaked out about turning 25. |
| 119 | Get out... get out of my apartment. |
| 120 | MONICA: All right, Rach, for what it's worth |
| 121 | I think that you're doing great. |
| 122 | I mean, you know, let's face it. |
| 123 | No one handles this well. |
| 124 | Hmm, least of all you. |
| 125 | Hmm. |
| 126 | JOEY: Ah... |
| 127 | Would you put that back on? |
| 128 | Monica's going to be here any minute. |
| 129 | But it hurts my Joey's apple. |
| 130 | Okay, for the last time-- |
| 131 | it's not named after each individual man. |
| 132 | You've done a wonderful job with this party, Chandler. |
| 133 | Everything looks so lovely. |
| 134 | Oh, well, not as lovely as you. |
| 135 | I mean, I can't believe |
| 136 | that you would have a 30-year-old daughter. |
| 137 | And you, I can't believe that you would have |
| 138 | a tux that's 30 years old. |
| 139 | It's older than that. |
| 140 | Ross was actually conceived right near this tuxedo. |
| 141 | Oh. |
| 142 | Okay, everybody hide. I saw her; she's coming. |
| 143 | Okay, okay. |
| 144 | Everybody down. Everybody down! |
| 145 | ( loud fumbling noise ) |
| 146 | ( noise ceases ) |
| 147 | Okay, everybody stay here. |
| 148 | I will find out what's going on. |
| 149 | Hey! |
| 150 | You got the door open! |
| 151 | Hey-hey, are you drunk? |
| 152 | No. |
| 153 | ( laughs ) |
| 154 | Okay. |
| 155 | Whoa! |
| 156 | Okay. |
| 157 | Okay. |
| 158 | See... |
| 159 | see, I wa... I was a little nervous about turning... |
| 160 | thirty. |
| 161 | Huh. |
| 162 | So, the busboys |
| 163 | took me out for some drinks. |
| 164 | I'm going to puke on you later. |
| 165 | Okay, here's the thing. |
| 166 | We have thrown a very formal surprise party |
| 167 | for you in there. |
| 168 | All your friends are in there |
| 169 | and your parents. |
| 170 | No! Yes! |
| 171 | Yes! No! |
| 172 | Oh, no, my parents have never seen me drunk. |
| 173 | That they know of. |
| 174 | Okay, here's the thing. |
| 175 | We're going to get you some coffee |
| 176 | and they will never know that you're drunk. |
| 177 | Really? You promise? |
| 178 | Yes. I'll take care of it. |
| 179 | Mmm, I love you so much. |
| 180 | Okay. |
| 181 | We have to do something about your breath. |
| 182 | What about your breath? |
| 183 | That's still yours. |
| 184 | Okay, now remember |
| 185 | it's a surprise party |
| 186 | so when you go in, act surprised. |
| 187 | Okay. |
| 188 | Okay. Shh. Ready? |
| 189 | Shh. |
| 190 | ALL: Surprise! |
| 191 | ( screaming ) |
| 192 | Okay, forward, forward. |
| 193 | Stop! |
| 194 | Okay, back... stop! |
| 195 | Okay, forwa... |
| 196 | Stop, stop, stop! |
| 197 | Okay, okay, here's what we're going to do, okay? |
| 198 | I'm going to break into this mini-van |
| 199 | and put it in neutral. |
| 200 | You guys push it forward |
| 201 | so Ross can drive out of the spot. |
| 202 | Okay. Okay? |
| 203 | All right, here we go. |
| 204 | ( alarm sounding ) |
| 205 | Haul ass! |
| 206 | Happy 30th birthday. |
| 207 | Here. |
| 208 | It's for the child in you. |
| 209 | And the woman. |
| 210 | Happy 30th. |
| 211 | Right, why do you keep saying that? |
| 212 | Because it's our 30th birthday. |
| 213 | Yeah, no. We're not 30, we're 31. |
| 214 | Okay. |
| 215 | Uh... wait! |
| 216 | Oh, it's you. |
| 217 | Yeah. What? |
| 218 | Yeah, we're not 30, we're 31. |
| 219 | Nuh-uh! |
| 220 | Yuh-huh! That's what it says |
| 221 | on my birth certificate. |
| 222 | You have your birth certificate? |
| 223 | Yeah. I got a big box of family stuff |
| 224 | when my mom died. |
| 225 | Our mom. |
| 226 | Right. Okay. |
| 227 | Do you have my birth certificate? |
| 228 | No. I sold it to a Swedish runaway. |
| 229 | Okay. |
| 230 | Oh, my God. |
| 231 | Oh, my God, we are 31. |
| 232 | Yeah. |
| 233 | I just lost a whole year of my life. |
| 234 | Okay. |
| 235 | Your middle name is Pamela? |
| 236 | Yes. |
| 237 | Oh. I never knew mine. |
| 238 | Do you remember what it is? |
| 239 | Yes. "Phoebe." |
| 240 | That's my first name. |
| 241 | Right. Okay. Then, no. |
| 242 | Okay, look at that-- we made it |
| 243 | all the way across the room. |
| 244 | You're doing great. |
| 245 | What's going on? |
| 246 | Monica's a little drunk. |
| 247 | Yay! I love drunk Monica. |
| 248 | Shh. |
| 249 | Oh, she's so much more fun than regular Monica. |
| 250 | She doesn't want her parents to know she's drunk. |
| 251 | Oh. All right, all right. |
| 252 | Here's what we'll do. |
| 253 | I'll get twice as drunk as Monica |
| 254 | and then no one's even going to notice her. |
| 255 | What... |
| 256 | What's going on? |
| 257 | ( sighs ) |
| 258 | Monica's wasted. |
| 259 | Maybe that'll liven up this party. |
| 260 | Okay, will you just go help her get changed, please? |
| 261 | Okay, but taking care of a drunk, naked woman |
| 262 | seems like a job for Joey. |
| 263 | Yep. |
| 264 | This one's from me. |
| 265 | Ah! |
| 266 | It wasn't on your list, but hopefully |
| 267 | you'll think it's really fun. |
| 268 | A scooter! |
| 269 | Stick to the list. |
| 270 | Always stick to the list. |
| 271 | No! No, no, I love it. Thank you. |
| 272 | CHANDLER: Okay, open ours next. |
| 273 | Open ours next. |
| 274 | Okay. |
| 275 | Now that you're a couple |
| 276 | we don't get two presents from you guys? |
| 277 | For my last birthday, you gave me a hug. |
| 278 | Okay, read the card, read the card. |
| 279 | Okay. |
| 280 | "Happy Birthday, Grandma. |
| 281 | "It's better to be over the hill... |
| 282 | Ah! |
| 283 | "than buried under it. |
| 284 | "All our love, Monica and Chandler." |
| 285 | That's funny. |
| 286 | No, no, no, no... |
| 287 | That was a joke. |
| 288 | No, I know, I get it. |
| 289 | It's funny. |
| 290 | No, because you're not a grandmother. |
| 291 | I know, because to be a grandmother |
| 292 | you have to be married and have children |
| 293 | and I don't have any of those things. |
| 294 | That's why it's so funny. |
| 295 | I'm just going to go... |
| 296 | ( choking up ) |
| 297 | ( door shuts ) |
| 298 | All you had to do was buy the card. |
| 299 | Okay, you know what? |
| 300 | I realized it was stupid to get upset |
| 301 | about not having a husband and kids. |
| 302 | All I really needed was a plan. |
| 303 | See, I want to have three kids. |
| 304 | Well, let me guess-- |
| 305 | and you want to have them all at the same time |
| 306 | and you want to have them for your brother. |
| 307 | As I was saying... |
| 308 | I should probably have the first of the three kids |
| 309 | by the time I'm 35, right? |
| 310 | Which gives me five years. |
| 311 | Oh. |
| 312 | So if I want to have a kid when I'm 35 |
| 313 | I don't have to get pregnant until I'm 34 |
| 314 | which gives Prada four years |
| 315 | to start making maternity clothes. |
| 316 | Oh, wait, but... |
| 317 | now, I do want to be married for a year |
| 318 | before I get pregnant. |
| 319 | Really! That long? |
| 320 | Look all you want, it's happening. |
| 321 | So I don't have to get married until I'm 33. |
| 322 | That's three years! That's three whole years! |
| 323 | Oh, wait a minute, though-- |
| 324 | I'll need a year-and-a-half to plan the wedding... |
| 325 | and I'd like to know the guy |
| 326 | for, like, a year, year-and-a-half |
| 327 | before we get engaged... |
| 328 | which means I need to meet the guy by the time I'm 30... |
| 329 | Which is fine, because you just turned... |
| 330 | twenty-eight! |
| 331 | No, Ross, no! It is not fine! |
| 332 | According to my plan |
| 333 | I should already be with the guy that I'm gonna marry! |
| 334 | TAG: Woo-hoo! |
| 335 | Mmm! |
| 336 | Will you quit hogging it! |
| 337 | Oh, I'm telling you |
| 338 | it's like watching Bambi learn how to walk. |
| 339 | You're drunk. |
| 340 | ( both giggling ) |
| 341 | Mom and Dad are gonna be mad. |
| 342 | Maybe I'm a little drunk now. |
| 343 | Hey, are those crab cakes? |
| 344 | Yeah. |
| 345 | Did I not tell you to come straight to me |
| 346 | when more crab cakes were ready? |
| 347 | Okay... |
| 348 | How you feeling? |
| 349 | You are so handsome! |
| 350 | Mmm! |
| 351 | I want to make love to you right here, right now! |
| 352 | ( growls ) |
| 353 | I really wish that you wouldn't. |
| 354 | Now all you have to do |
| 355 | is just get through a little bit more, okay? |
| 356 | Then we can put you in bed, okay? |
| 357 | Just smile and don't talk to anyone. |
| 358 | Speech! Speech! |
| 359 | Let's hear from the birthday girl, huh? |
| 360 | Pheebs! |
| 361 | You see, everybody's looking at me. |
| 362 | The plan's working. |
| 363 | I didn't even have to take off my top yet. |
| 364 | Speech! Come on, Monica! |
| 365 | CROWD: Speech! Speech! |
| 366 | Hey, Chandler, you can't |
| 367 | keep your hands off her for one second! |
| 368 | Oh, I think it's nice. |
| 369 | I think it's necessary. |
| 370 | I-I-I want to thank you all for coming-- |
| 371 | my family and my friends. |
| 372 | Woo... hoo! |
| 373 | I'd really like to say that I'm, um... |
| 374 | you know what I'd really like to say? |
| 375 | I'm drunk! |
| 376 | That's right, Mom and Dad |
| 377 | your little Harmomica is hammered! |
| 378 | And guess what? I've been drunk before. |
| 379 | ( laughing ) |
| 380 | And I've smoked a cigarette. |
| 381 | But you know what? You know what? |
| 382 | ( laughing ): It's all okay. |
| 383 | It's okay because I turned 30 today |
| 384 | and I can do anything I want... |
| 385 | ( laughing ) |
| 386 | because I... am a grown-up. |
| 387 | Oh, quick... quick, help me get this off. |
| 388 | Yeah! |
| 389 | I lost a whole year! |
| 390 | I can believe it! This is so unfair! |
| 391 | Come on, Pheebs, it'll be okay. |
| 392 | Will it? Will it? |
| 393 | How would you feel |
| 394 | if you found out you were 31? |
| 395 | That's not gonna happen-- no-- |
| 396 | because we have a new deal. |
| 397 | Plus, it totally ruined my schedule. |
| 398 | I haven't done any of the things I wanted to do |
| 399 | by the time I was 31. |
| 400 | Like what? |
| 401 | Like, okay, I-I... |
| 402 | I haven't met any Portuguese people |
| 403 | I... I haven't had the perfect kiss |
| 404 | and I haven't been to sniper school. |
| 405 | Phoebe, you know what? |
| 406 | Why don't we just go upstairs and have some birthday cake. |
| 407 | No, I just feel like being by myself for awhile, all right? |
| 408 | I'll see you guys later. Thanks. |
| 409 | Oh, poor Pheebs. |
| 410 | Hey, you know what, you guys? |
| 411 | I think I'm going to go walk her home. |
| 412 | Okay. |
| 413 | Oh, man! |
| 414 | What? |
| 415 | He's gonna eat the cake! |
| 416 | Pheebs! |
| 417 | Wait up. |
| 418 | Listen, uh... |
| 419 | Close your eyes. |
| 420 | Maybe that's one thing you can cross off your list. |
| 421 | Oh, yeah. |
| 422 | Oh, and plus, I'm one-sixteenth Portuguese. |
| 423 | Oh! |
| 424 | Okay, is everybody clear? |
| 425 | We're gonna pick it up... |
| 426 | and move it. |
| 427 | Now, all we need is teamwork, okay? |
| 428 | We're gonna lift the car... |
| 429 | and slide it out. |
| 430 | Lift... |
| 431 | and slide. |
| 432 | Ross, I really don't think-- |
| 433 | Lift... |
| 434 | and slide. |
| 435 | Okay, here we go. |
| 436 | ROSS: All right, everyone-- |
| 437 | Lift... |
| 438 | and slide! |
| 439 | Hey, Joey... |
| 440 | Aw, come on, Rach, my turn just started! |
| 441 | Actually, I just want to talk to Tag. |
| 442 | Oh. Okay. |
| 443 | Hey! Can I ride this outside? |
| 444 | Whatever, okay? I'm not your mother. |
| 445 | Not in the street! |
| 446 | Yeah! |
| 447 | Hi. Hi. Hey. |
| 448 | How you doing? You feeling any better? |
| 449 | Yeah, I'm doing okay. I'm... um... |
| 450 | Let's talk. |
| 451 | Okay. |
| 452 | Um... |
| 453 | What's up? |
| 454 | Uh... Tag, um... |
| 455 | you're such a great guy |
| 456 | and we have so much fun together, but I don... |
| 457 | Wait... |
| 458 | I think I see where you're going. |
| 459 | But before you say anything else, can I just say one more thing? |
| 460 | Well said... |
| 461 | and a good example of the fun I was referring to... |
| 462 | Uh... but... |
| 463 | ( nervous chuckle ) |
| 464 | I just think I'm past the point |
| 465 | where I can, you know, just have fun. |
| 466 | Rachel, don't do this. |
| 467 | This is just because you're turning 30. |
| 468 | Yeah, it is. |
| 469 | But you're just a kid. |
| 470 | I mean, you're... you're 25. |
| 471 | 24, actually. |
| 472 | Oh, God. |
| 473 | You know what I wish? |
| 474 | I wish you were six years older. |
| 475 | Well, actually, if I'm wishing for stuff |
| 476 | I actually wish I was six years younger. |
| 477 | Me, too. |
| 478 | Yeah. I'm sorry. |
| 479 | Hey. How'd it go? |
| 480 | Oh... if I only want two kids |
| 481 | can I keep him for another year? |
| 482 | You did the right thing. |
| 483 | ( groans ) |
| 484 | I don't like this anymore. |
| 485 | Well, here we are, just a bunch of 30-year-olds. |
| 486 | Do you realize, in ten years, we're going to be 40? |
| 487 | Why, God? |
| 488 | Why are you doing this to us? |
| 489 | Yes! My baby's finally free! |
| 490 | All right! |
| 491 | Start it up! Let's go! |
| 492 | ( engine starts ) |
| 493 | Hoo-hoo! |
| 494 | How hot are we? |
| 495 | ( turns off engine ) |
| 496 | You want to buy a car? |
| 497 | |
| 1 | So, thanks for coming by, guys. |
| 2 | We just wanted to bounce |
| 3 | some ideas off of you |
| 4 | about the wedding ceremony. |
| 5 | Oh... |
| 6 | What's the matter? Are you okay? |
| 7 | Yeah, it's just, you know... |
| 8 | Monica said, "Wedding." |
| 9 | MONICA: Uh, so, we wanted to know if one of you |
| 10 | would like to read something at the ceremony. |
| 11 | Okay, yeah |
| 12 | I guess... I guess I could do that, too. |
| 13 | "Too"? |
| 14 | Yeah, I kind of, uh |
| 15 | ( clearing throat ): have something else planned for you guys. |
| 16 | Oh. Do you mind telling us what it is? |
| 17 | Sorry, I'm kind of keeping this one on the QT. |
| 18 | Well, whatever it is, I hope it involves winking. |
| 19 | Hey! |
| 20 | OTHERS: Hey. |
| 21 | I just talked to one of the DOOL writers... |
| 22 | What is DOOL? |
| 23 | Days of our Lives. |
| 24 | Oh. |
| 25 | Anyway, you're not going to believe it-- |
| 26 | my character is coming out of his coma! |
| 27 | Hey, that's great! |
| 28 | That's great! Joey! |
| 29 | And-And-And not only that |
| 30 | I'm getting a new brain! |
| 31 | So, great things are happening at work |
| 32 | and in your personal life. |
| 33 | RACHEL: Wait. |
| 34 | What do you mean you're getting a new brain? |
| 35 | Well-Well, they're killing off |
| 36 | one of the characters on the show |
| 37 | and when she dies, her brain is being transplanted |
| 38 | into my body. |
| 39 | Wh-What? |
| 40 | A brain transplant? |
| 41 | It's ridiculous! |
| 42 | Well, I think it's ridiculous |
| 43 | that you haven't had sex in three and a half months. |
| 44 | It's winter. |
| 45 | There are fewer people on the street. |
| 46 | Who are they killing off? |
| 47 | Uh, Cecilia Monroe. |
| 48 | She plays Jessica Lockhart. |
| 49 | No... No... |
| 50 | She is so good |
| 51 | at throwing drinks in people's faces. |
| 52 | I mean, I don't think |
| 53 | I've ever seen her finish a beverage. |
| 54 | MONICA: And the way |
| 55 | she slaps people all the time. |
| 56 | Wouldn't you love to do that just once? |
| 57 | Don't do it. |
| 58 | And she's been on the show forever. |
| 59 | It's going to be really hard to fill her shoes. |
| 60 | Yeah, yeah. Help me out here. |
| 61 | When you... when you come out of the "brain transplant" |
| 62 | you are going to be her? |
| 63 | Yes, but in Drake Ramoray's body. |
| 64 | ( mumbles incredulously ) |
| 65 | Why is it so hard for you to get? |
| 66 | I thought you were a scientist. |
| 67 | ♪ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ♪ |
| 68 | ♪ Your job's a joke, you're broke ♪ |
| 69 | ♪ Your love life's D.O.A. ♪ |
| 70 | ♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪ |
| 71 | ♪ When it hasn't been your day, your week ♪ |
| 72 | ♪ Your month, or even your year ♪ |
| 73 | ♪ But I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 74 | ♪ 'Cause you're there for me, too. ♪ |
| 75 | Rach, so, that guy there... |
| 76 | straight or gay? |
| 77 | RACHEL: Oh... |
| 78 | ( laughing ): Oh, yeah, he's too cute to be straight. |
| 79 | Ooh, Knockers will help us figure it out. |
| 80 | Oh. |
| 81 | All right, straight... |
| 82 | and not subtle. |
| 83 | Ooh, he left his cell phone. Oh. |
| 84 | Well, we can give it to Gunther |
| 85 | and he'll put it in lost and found. |
| 86 | Or we could use it to call China |
| 87 | see how those guys are doing. |
| 88 | What if, um, if he calls his own cell phone to find out who found it |
| 89 | and I answer and we start talking |
| 90 | and we fell in love? |
| 91 | I mean, wouldn't that be a great story? |
| 92 | Kind of like a fairy tale for the digital age. |
| 93 | Yeah... that does sound great. |
| 94 | I'm going to get the phone. |
| 95 | What? Wait! |
| 96 | Wh-Why... why do you get the story? |
| 97 | I don't know. |
| 98 | I haven't been out on a date in so long. |
| 99 | Phoebe, you had a date three days ago. |
| 100 | That wasn't a date. |
| 101 | That was... that was just friends |
| 102 | getting together... having sex. |
| 103 | Okay. Great. |
| 104 | See? I get the phone. |
| 105 | No way. No way. |
| 106 | You just broke up with Tag a week ago. |
| 107 | Yeah, and until now... |
| 108 | ( voice breaking ): I didn't think I would love again. |
| 109 | Nice try. |
| 110 | Well, hey, wait, wait. |
| 111 | How do we fairly decide who gets the phone? |
| 112 | I don't know. |
| 113 | Well, um... |
| 114 | maybe we could... uh... |
| 115 | Aha, too slow! |
| 116 | ( laughing cockily ) |
| 117 | Aha! |
| 118 | Too cocky. |
| 119 | I'm going to keep dating him, Mother |
| 120 | and there's nothing you can do about it. |
| 121 | Oh, yes, there is. |
| 122 | What are you going to do, kill him |
| 123 | like you did Charles? |
| 124 | Oh, my baby! |
| 125 | ( sobs once ) |
| 126 | MAN: Cut. |
| 127 | ( scattered applause ) |
| 128 | That was a great scene. |
| 129 | An-And that slap looked so real. |
| 130 | How do you do that? |
| 131 | Oh, just years of experience. |
| 132 | ( crying ): Can I get some ice here? |
| 133 | Well, anyway, I just wanted |
| 134 | to say how wonderful I think you are. |
| 135 | You're not the fan who's dying, are you? |
| 136 | Uh, no. |
| 137 | No, I'm Joey Tribbiani. |
| 138 | We did a scene together yesterday. |
| 139 | I'm the guy in the coma. |
| 140 | Oh, that was a real person? |
| 141 | ( stammers softly ) |
| 142 | A-A-Anyway, I just wanted to say |
| 143 | that since I'm getting your brain when you leave the show |
| 144 | I was wondering if there's any tips... |
| 145 | Wait. I-I'm leaving the show? |
| 146 | I don't know. Why? Did you hear something. |
| 147 | Who told you that? |
| 148 | Uh... uh... one of the writers. |
| 149 | Which writer? |
| 150 | Was it bald or was it tall? |
| 151 | Uh, you know, uh... You know what? |
| 152 | It doesn't matter, because it is not true. |
| 153 | Okay. |
| 154 | And if it were true, how dare you come to me |
| 155 | and ask me for tips about a character |
| 156 | that I've been playing for 20 years. |
| 157 | I'll give you a tip. |
| 158 | Miss Monroe... |
| 159 | Oh, there you go. |
| 160 | Okay, look, I have an idea. |
| 161 | Why don't we... why don't we see |
| 162 | what kind of numbers he has on his speed dial? |
| 163 | And, then, from that, we can tell who has more in common with him |
| 164 | and, then, whoever does, gets the phone. |
| 165 | Fine. All right. |
| 166 | All right. |
| 167 | First name on the speed dial is "Mom." |
| 168 | Oh... |
| 169 | I lost my mom to suicide. |
| 170 | Okay, no way. |
| 171 | You cannot use that to get the cute guy |
| 172 | and the last blueberry muffin. |
| 173 | Did I use that already today? Yes. |
| 174 | I'm sorry. Okay. |
| 175 | "Ben... Carlos... |
| 176 | David..." |
| 177 | Oh, I win. |
| 178 | He's got Barney's on his speed dial. |
| 179 | So, you don't know that it's Barney's, the store. |
| 180 | That could be, you know, his friend's house or a bar. |
| 181 | Who has Barney's, the store, on their speed dial? |
| 182 | His new girlfriend. |
| 183 | ( bagpipes droning dissonantly) |
| 184 | What is that? |
| 185 | I think it's the Dying Cat Parade. |
| 186 | It sounds like it's coming from across the street. |
| 187 | Oh, my God. |
| 188 | What? |
| 189 | You know that thing that Ross was going to do at our wedding? |
| 190 | He was hanging out with me yesterday |
| 191 | and he turned to me and he said |
| 192 | "You're half- Scottish, right?" |
| 193 | No. There is no way... |
| 194 | It cannot be Ross. |
| 195 | Unbelievable! |
| 196 | Why is your family Scottish? |
| 197 | Why is your family Ross? |
| 198 | He cannot play at our wedding. |
| 199 | I mean, everyone will leave. |
| 200 | I mean, come on, that is just noise! |
| 201 | It's not even a song! |
| 202 | If you listen very carefully, I think... |
| 203 | it's "Celebration" by Kool and the Gang. |
| 204 | ( bagpipes continue ) |
| 205 | Well, you're absolutely right. |
| 206 | They are writing me out of the show. |
| 207 | I don't know exactly when it's going to happen |
| 208 | but apparently it's going to be very soon |
| 209 | and then that's... it. |
| 210 | I'm so sorry. |
| 211 | Look, if it was up to me |
| 212 | you would never leave the show. |
| 213 | Yeah, thanks. |
| 214 | No, I mean it. |
| 215 | I can't believe they would do this to you |
| 216 | and to your fans. |
| 217 | I mean, they're going to be devastated, heartbroken. |
| 218 | They love you so much. |
| 219 | Oh, you're right. |
| 220 | Thank you. |
| 221 | What's your name again? |
| 222 | Joey. |
| 223 | Joey. Well, thank you. |
| 224 | That is so sweet. |
| 225 | Lo-lo-lo-look, the only reason |
| 226 | I came up to you before was because... |
| 227 | well, because I'm really nervous about-about being you. |
| 228 | You know, if you could |
| 229 | help me capture the-the essence of the character, you know? |
| 230 | Help me keep Jessica alive. Please? |
| 231 | All right, Joey, I will help you... |
| 232 | not because I-I owe it to this stupid show |
| 233 | but because... I owe it to Jessica. |
| 234 | Oh, that's great. Oh, thank you so much. |
| 235 | You're so welcome. |
| 236 | Now, I've been watching some tapes. How's this? |
| 237 | ( with British accent): Jessica Lockhart will never step foot in this place again! |
| 238 | Ever! |
| 239 | Well, but... Jessica doesn't have an English accent. |
| 240 | I can do an English accent? |
| 241 | That baby's going on my resume. |
| 242 | ( knocking ) |
| 243 | Hi, Pheebs. |
| 244 | How are you? Good. |
| 245 | Uh, Pheeb, remember when we were |
| 246 | in the coffeehouse, we decided |
| 247 | that I was going to keep the cute guy's cell phone? |
| 248 | Yeah. |
| 249 | And remember how I said |
| 250 | I would keep it in my purse |
| 251 | so that if it rang I could just pick it up? |
| 252 | Yeah! Right? |
| 253 | Um, and, then, do you remember |
| 254 | going into my purse and stealing the phone? |
| 255 | Ooh, now you lost me. |
| 256 | You stole the phone! |
| 257 | No, I didn't! |
| 258 | No? So you're saying that if I called it... |
| 259 | it wouldn't ring? |
| 260 | Nope. |
| 261 | Mmm. Okay. |
| 262 | But while you dial, let me show you the features |
| 263 | of my new ringing handbag. |
| 264 | Mmm. |
| 265 | ( phone ringing ) |
| 266 | Oh, it does work! |
| 267 | Oh, Phoebe! |
| 268 | That is a different phone. |
| 269 | Oh, is it? |
| 270 | Uh, hello. |
| 271 | Yes, hi, is Rachel there? |
| 272 | Yes, she is. Just one moment please. |
| 273 | It's for me! |
| 274 | Yeah, that is damning evidence. |
| 275 | ( phone ringing ) |
| 276 | Oh, my God! |
| 277 | I bet that's him. |
| 278 | My digital fairy tale is about to begin. |
| 279 | Would you stop doing that? |
| 280 | Hello. |
| 281 | Yes, I'm the one who found your phone. |
| 282 | Phoebe, you can't...! |
| 283 | I'm on a call. |
| 284 | Oh... |
| 285 | I mean, yeah, you could pick it up tonight |
| 286 | at, say, 8:30... at... at my apartment. |
| 287 | It's, um, it's, um, 5 Morton Street, Apartment 14. |
| 288 | And then, maybe, you know, after |
| 289 | we could grab a bite to eat or whatever. |
| 290 | Okay, well, okay, I'll see you then. Bye. |
| 291 | You do know that I will be here when he comes over. |
| 292 | Oh, and how will you know what time to come over? |
| 293 | You just said it. |
| 294 | Oh. |
| 295 | The essence of the character |
| 296 | is rooted in her confidence. |
| 297 | So, when Jessica enters a room, for instance |
| 298 | she owns everything |
| 299 | and every person in that room. |
| 300 | You try it. |
| 301 | Okay. |
| 302 | Right. Well, he's not mad at the room. |
| 303 | Try it again. |
| 304 | He owns it. |
| 305 | He owns the room. |
| 306 | It is his. |
| 307 | He owns, owns, owns the room! |
| 308 | He owns it! |
| 309 | All right, it's a little weird, but it's getting better. |
| 310 | Oh, I'm going to miss this woman so much. |
| 311 | I-I don't know what I'm going to do. |
| 312 | I mean, it's been 20 years of my life. |
| 313 | Oh, then... |
| 314 | Hey, hey! |
| 315 | Maybe... maybe, uh |
| 316 | maybe this is a good thing, you know? |
| 317 | It'll give you a chance to shake things up... |
| 318 | play different characters. |
| 319 | You're so talented. |
| 320 | I probably should've just left years ago |
| 321 | when the offers were pouring in |
| 322 | but, you know, I just got so comfy here and... |
| 323 | Oh, I turned down some amazing work. |
| 324 | Like what? |
| 325 | Well... |
| 326 | let's just say if I left 15 years ago |
| 327 | the landscape of Mexican cinema would be very different today. |
| 328 | Wow. |
| 329 | But... well, now... |
| 330 | now is a different time for me. |
| 331 | Oh, hey, come on. |
| 332 | Don't... don't do this. |
| 333 | Um... Look, let me tell you something, okay? |
| 334 | Now, when I watch you do a scene |
| 335 | I'm thinking, "Boy, she-she is a great actress" |
| 336 | but... but... I'm also thinking, "She is hot!" |
| 337 | You think I'm hot? |
| 338 | You own the room. |
| 339 | We should probably get... get, uh... |
| 340 | Oh, yeah, yeah. |
| 341 | We should get... |
| 342 | So, when Jessica... |
| 343 | kisses a man... |
| 344 | she usually puts, um... both her hands on the... |
| 345 | man's face. |
| 346 | Yeah, I noticed that. |
| 347 | Is that 'cause she's so passionate? |
| 348 | No, it's because that way the camera only sees her. |
| 349 | Oh. |
| 350 | You want to try it? |
| 351 | Yeah. Okay. |
| 352 | That was good. |
| 353 | That was really good... |
| 354 | but I-I think that maybe your hands are |
| 355 | just a little off. |
| 356 | They should be, maybe, like, right... right... |
| 357 | ( grunting ) |
| 358 | Well, I feel like a snack. |
| 359 | Do you want some shortbread? |
| 360 | It's Scottish, like you are. |
| 361 | Oh, no, thanks. |
| 362 | I don't like anything from my Scottish heritage. |
| 363 | What? |
| 364 | Well, it's just that my entire family |
| 365 | was run out of Scotland by... |
| 366 | Vikings. |
| 367 | Oh, it sounds to me like your family is ready |
| 368 | to, uh, rediscover its Scottish roots. |
| 369 | You can't play bagpipes at the wedding. |
| 370 | How did you know about that? |
| 371 | We heard you play all the way from your apartment. |
| 372 | Were you the ones who called the cops? |
| 373 | That's not really important right now. |
| 374 | ( clears throat ) |
| 375 | What is important is while we appreciate the gesture |
| 376 | we just don't feel that bagpipes are appropriate for our wedding. |
| 377 | Why not? |
| 378 | Because we hate them. |
| 379 | Just-Just give me a chance to perform for you |
| 380 | and then decide whatever you want... |
| 381 | and I'm not going to tell you what song I'm going to play, either |
| 382 | but, uh, let's just say, when it's over |
| 383 | I'll bet there'll be a wee bit o' celebration. |
| 384 | Hey! Hey! |
| 385 | ( knocking on door) BOTH: Who is it? |
| 386 | Hi. It's Tom. I'm here to pick up the phone. |
| 387 | Well, why do you get to answer the door? |
| 388 | Well, why shouldn't I? |
| 389 | 'Cause it's my apartment. |
| 390 | Well, then I get to give him the cell phone. |
| 391 | Okay. Good luck explaining all the calls to China. |
| 392 | Hi. |
| 393 | Wow, how long were we arguing for? |
| 394 | Um... |
| 395 | ( chuckles ) |
| 396 | You're not the man who left the cell phone. |
| 397 | No. That's my assistant. |
| 398 | Is-is he coming? |
| 399 | Uh... no. |
| 400 | Could you... could you, uh, give us one second? |
| 401 | Sure. We'll we be right back, sir. |
| 402 | Well, what do we do? |
| 403 | I don't know. |
| 404 | Can you believe that? |
| 405 | We're waiting for a hot guy |
| 406 | and then an even hotter one shows up. |
| 407 | I know. |
| 408 | What? |
| 409 | Rachel, listen... |
| 410 | if you let me have him |
| 411 | then I will really owe you one. |
| 412 | All right. |
| 413 | All right, Phoebe, I will let you have him |
| 414 | but you owe me-- you owe me big. |
| 415 | So, which one of you lovely ladies |
| 416 | am I going to take to dinner, huh? |
| 417 | Oh, that'd be me... sir. |
| 418 | After you. |
| 419 | Okay, thank you. Okay. |
| 420 | ( whispering ): Nice. |
| 421 | Well, you certainly owned that room. |
| 422 | Actually, I rent the whole place |
| 423 | and I... just got what you meant. Thank you. |
| 424 | ( laughing ) |
| 425 | Hi. JOEY: Hey. |
| 426 | Oh, my God. |
| 427 | Oh, my God! |
| 428 | Oh! Jessica Lockhart! |
| 429 | In my apartment! |
| 430 | I am such a huge fan. I am such a huge fan. |
| 431 | Well, it's nice to know that you... |
| 432 | Monica! Monica! |
| 433 | That, uh, that's my roommate Rachel. |
| 434 | Oh, that explains all the women's underwear. |
| 435 | Sure. |
| 436 | Oh, my God, it's true! |
| 437 | Oh, my God. Can I just ask you to do me... just one favor? |
| 438 | Certainly. |
| 439 | Would you slap me? |
| 440 | Would you slap me right here in the face? |
| 441 | I'd love to, but my lawyer said I can't do that anymore. |
| 442 | All right, here we go. |
| 443 | All right, just one more thing. |
| 444 | One-one more thing. Um... |
| 445 | You're a stupid bitch. |
| 446 | I really can't slap you. Oh! |
| 447 | JOEY: Here you go. |
| 448 | My God, you're great! |
| 449 | Thanks for stopping by. |
| 450 | See you. |
| 451 | I-I am so sorry. |
| 452 | Oh, no-no-no-no. Being adored-- I'm used to it. |
| 453 | Don't worry about it. |
| 454 | Oh, my God. What? |
| 455 | They sent me today's script. |
| 456 | They never send me the script. |
| 457 | They don't? |
| 458 | Well, no. I'm just in a coma. |
| 459 | This must mean I have lines. |
| 460 | Oh. |
| 461 | How does it happen? |
| 462 | Ooh. You get thrown from a horse into an electric fence. |
| 463 | ( gasps ) |
| 464 | What? |
| 465 | Jessica hates horses. |
| 466 | Yeah, well, I'm guessing after this |
| 467 | she's not going to be crazy about electricity, either. |
| 468 | Oh... |
| 469 | Loosening the saddle on Mother's horse was brilliant, Frederick. |
| 470 | And the electric fence, inspired. |
| 471 | Thank you, sweetheart. |
| 472 | I can't believe she's really gone. |
| 473 | Look around you-- all of this is ours. |
| 474 | I don't think so. |
| 475 | Who are you? |
| 476 | What's the matter, Dina? |
| 477 | Don't you recognize your own... |
| 478 | mother? |
| 479 | MAN: Cut. That was great, everybody. Thank you. |
| 480 | That was so wonderful! |
| 481 | Oh, I think that you're a better Jessica than I ever was. |
| 482 | Oh, no. |
| 483 | Well, of course not, but you were very good. Thanks. |
| 484 | And guess what? Good news-- I got another job. |
| 485 | Great! Hey, all right! |
| 486 | Wha-What is it? |
| 487 | A film in Guadalajara. |
| 488 | The airport? |
| 489 | No, that's La Guardia. |
| 490 | Ah. |
| 491 | This is... Mexico. |
| 492 | Oh. Whoa. |
| 493 | Well, how-how long will you be gone? |
| 494 | Eight months. |
| 495 | That's a really long time. |
| 496 | Yeah, but you could come and visit me. |
| 497 | I bet that you could, uh, own a few places down there. |
| 498 | You know, I'll tell you, I should probably buy a place in the city first. |
| 499 | And I just got what you meant again. |
| 500 | That is a... I'll tell you |
| 501 | that's a tricky one. It's a tricky one. |
| 502 | Well... |
| 503 | Good luck. |
| 504 | You, too. |
| 505 | Okay, now, uh, remember... |
| 506 | I'm still learning. |
| 507 | ( bagpipe squeaking and groaning ) |
| 508 | One, two, three, four! |
| 509 | ( squeaky notes over cacophonous groaning ) |
| 510 | You know the song-- sing along! |
| 511 | ( bagpipe resumes ) |
| 512 | ( screeching "Celebration" by Kool & the Gang ) |
| 513 | So? |
| 514 | No. No. |
| 515 | |
| 1 | Hi. Hi. Hi, Ben. |
| 2 | Hi. Hi, we have a little bathroom emergency. |
| 3 | Oh, yeah, go ahead. Uh, but before we do, |
| 4 | uh, are any of Joey's special romance magazines in there? |
| 5 | No, no. |
| 6 | Okay, all clear. |
| 7 | Thanks, Phoebe. |
| 8 | Yeah, it's Rachel... |
| 9 | but whatever. |
| 10 | Hey, listen, can you do me a big favor? |
| 11 | The Dean's office called |
| 12 | and said there's an urgent meeting. |
| 13 | Can you watch Ben for, |
| 14 | I don't know, like, an hour? |
| 15 | Wh-What about Monica? |
| 16 | She isn't home. |
| 17 | So, it would just be me alone? |
| 18 | Well, Ben would be there. |
| 19 | No. Huh, um... |
| 20 | What's the matter? You know... |
| 21 | it's just, uh, I've never done that before-- |
| 22 | me and him, alone. |
| 23 | Rach, he's not an ex-con. |
| 24 | Okay, okay, okay. |
| 25 | What do I do with him? |
| 26 | I don't know-- just talk to him. |
| 27 | Entertain him. |
| 28 | Keep him alive. |
| 29 | Okay. |
| 30 | Okay, Ben, come here. |
| 31 | All right, I'm going to leave you here |
| 32 | with Aunt Rachel for about an hour. |
| 33 | Okay? You going to be okay? |
| 34 | Yeah, I think so. |
| 35 | I wasn't talking to you. |
| 36 | ♪ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ♪ |
| 37 | ♪ Your job's a joke, you're broke ♪ |
| 38 | ♪ Your love life's D.O.A. ♪ |
| 39 | ♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪ |
| 40 | ♪ When it hasn't been your day, your week ♪ |
| 41 | ♪ Your month, or even your year ♪ |
| 42 | ♪ But I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 43 | ♪ 'Cause you're there for me, too. ♪ |
| 44 | What about the second minister we met with? |
| 45 | I kind of liked him. |
| 46 | You mean the spitter? |
| 47 | Come on, he wasn't that bad. |
| 48 | Easy for you to say. You'd be wearing a veil. |
| 49 | What about the third guy? |
| 50 | You mean the guy that kept staring at your chest? |
| 51 | Can you blame him? |
| 52 | Sorry, I just don't like the idea of when I'm saying, "I do" |
| 53 | he's thinking, "Yeah, I'd do her, too." |
| 54 | Well, then we still have a problem. |
| 55 | With what? |
| 56 | Well, we're trying to find someone |
| 57 | to perform our wedding |
| 58 | and they're all either boring or annoying |
| 59 | or, you know, can't stop staring at the ladies. |
| 60 | Ooh, you should have one of us do it. |
| 61 | Phoebe, we're getting married married |
| 62 | not sixth-grade married. |
| 63 | No, no, it's-it's a real thing. |
| 64 | Anyone can get ordained on the Internet |
| 65 | and perform, like, weddings and stuff. |
| 66 | I call it. |
| 67 | What? No, it was my idea. |
| 68 | Guys, thank you very much |
| 69 | but neither of you is marrying us. |
| 70 | Does "calling it" not mean anything anymore? |
| 71 | We are going to have |
| 72 | a legitimate member of the clergy, |
| 73 | and when I say "legitimate," |
| 74 | I mean gay and in control of his saliva. |
| 75 | Ben, you know |
| 76 | when you were a baby |
| 77 | you and I used to hang out all the time. |
| 78 | I was your daddy's girlfriend. |
| 79 | But you're not anymore. |
| 80 | No, I'm not. |
| 81 | Because you guys were on a break. |
| 82 | Hey, we were not on a-- Okay. |
| 83 | When's my daddy coming back? |
| 84 | 52 minutes. |
| 85 | So, no brothers or sisters, huh? |
| 86 | But you know, I had two sisters |
| 87 | and we just tortured each other. |
| 88 | Really, like how? |
| 89 | Well, you know, we would, um... |
| 90 | we'd repeat everything the other said |
| 91 | or, uh, we'd jump out of closets to scare each other |
| 92 | or switch the sugar for the salt |
| 93 | so they put salt on their cereal. |
| 94 | That's a good one. |
| 95 | ( chuckles ) |
| 96 | Yeah? You like that one? |
| 97 | Yeah, you're funny. |
| 98 | I'm funny? |
| 99 | Oh, thank God. |
| 100 | Well, I got a ton of these. |
| 101 | You take a quarter... |
| 102 | take a quarter and you blacken the edge, right? |
| 103 | And then you say to a person |
| 104 | "I bet you can't roll this quarter |
| 105 | "from your forehead to your chin |
| 106 | without it leaving your face," |
| 107 | and then when they do it, they're left with |
| 108 | a big, black, pencil line |
| 109 | right down the center of their face. |
| 110 | Can I do it to you? |
| 111 | Yeah, I'm funny, Ben, |
| 112 | but I'm not stupid, okay? |
| 113 | So, did you find anyone to marry you guys yet? |
| 114 | No, but horny-for-Monica minister called... |
| 115 | wanting to know if we were still together. |
| 116 | We're never going to find anybody. |
| 117 | Well, then, let me do it. |
| 118 | Joe... No, I've been thinking about it. |
| 119 | I'm an actor, right? |
| 120 | So, I won't get nervous in front of people. |
| 121 | I won't spit, and I won't stare at Monica's breasts. |
| 122 | You know, everyone knows I'm an ass man. |
| 123 | That is true. |
| 124 | Yeah, and the most important thing is |
| 125 | it won't be some, like, stranger up there who barely knows you. |
| 126 | It'll be me. |
| 127 | And, I swear, I'll do a really good job. |
| 128 | Plus, I love you guys, and it would really mean a lot to me. |
| 129 | Might be kind of cool. |
| 130 | So, I can do it? |
| 131 | Yeah, you can do it. |
| 132 | All right! |
| 133 | Okay! |
| 134 | Whoo! All right! |
| 135 | Okay, okay, I got to get started on my speech. |
| 136 | Wait a minute. |
| 137 | Internet ministers can still have sex, right? |
| 138 | Yeah. |
| 139 | ( knock on door ) |
| 140 | Coming. |
| 141 | I have a bone to pick with you. |
| 142 | Uh-oh. Yes. |
| 143 | Ben learned a little trick. |
| 144 | Oh yeah, did he pull the old... |
| 145 | That's right |
| 146 | that's right. |
| 147 | Saran Wrap on the toilet seat |
| 148 | so the pee goes everywhere. |
| 149 | Oh, that. |
| 150 | Yeah, that. |
| 151 | You know I hate practical jokes. |
| 152 | They're mean and they're stupid |
| 153 | and I don't want my son learning them. |
| 154 | Oh, come on... |
| 155 | Saran Wrap on the toilet seat? |
| 156 | You don't think that's just a little funny? |
| 157 | I was barefoot. |
| 158 | Oh. |
| 159 | ( laughing ) Now, tell me, |
| 160 | The toilet thing is the only thing |
| 161 | you taught him, right? |
| 162 | Yes. |
| 163 | Hey. Hey. |
| 164 | Say, "Hello," to Reverend Joey Tribbianni. |
| 165 | You did it. You got ordained? |
| 166 | Yeah. Just got off the Internet. |
| 167 | Man, there is a lot of porn out there. |
| 168 | Our minister. |
| 169 | Hey, anyway, I started working on what I'm going to say |
| 170 | for the ceremony, you want to hear it? Yeah! |
| 171 | Now, listen, this is just a first draft, so... |
| 172 | "We are gathered here today on this joyous occasion |
| 173 | "to celebrate the special love |
| 174 | that Monica and Chandler share." |
| 175 | Huh? |
| 176 | "It is a love based on giving and receiving |
| 177 | "as well as having and sharing |
| 178 | "and the love that they give and have is shared and received |
| 179 | "and through this having |
| 180 | "and giving and sharing and receiving... |
| 181 | "...we, too, can share... |
| 182 | "and love...and have... |
| 183 | and receive." |
| 184 | Should we call the spitter? |
| 185 | ( knocking at door ) |
| 186 | Hey, Rachel. |
| 187 | Hi. |
| 188 | What a nice surprise. |
| 189 | What are you doing here? |
| 190 | Well, you know |
| 191 | I was just in the neighborhood |
| 192 | and I passed by your building and I thought to myself |
| 193 | "What's up with Carol... and sweet little Ben?" |
| 194 | Oh, that's nice. Come on in. |
| 195 | Okay. |
| 196 | I'll make some coffee and we can chat. |
| 197 | I'd love that. I would love that. |
| 198 | So, uh, so where is sweet little Ben? |
| 199 | I would love to have a little-- |
| 200 | ( yells ) ( yelps ) |
| 201 | I found him! |
| 202 | Very funny. Come here. |
| 203 | That is exactly why |
| 204 | I've come here to talk to you, okay? |
| 205 | Rach, you want some sugar in your coffee? |
| 206 | Yes, but... Do I want sugar in my coffee? |
| 207 | No, just some milk would be good, Carol, thanks. |
| 208 | Okay, do you remember |
| 209 | all that stuff I taught you yesterday? |
| 210 | Remember all that stuff I taught you yesterday? |
| 211 | Don't do that. |
| 212 | Don't do that. Seriously-- |
| 213 | your dad doesn't like pranks. |
| 214 | Seriously, your dad doesn't like pranks. |
| 215 | Oh, damn it. Oh, damn it. |
| 216 | No, don't, don't say that, don't say that. |
| 217 | Damn it. No, go back to repeating. |
| 218 | Damn it. Oh, crap. |
| 219 | Oh, crap. |
| 220 | Oh... |
| 221 | Okay, you guys, I got a little more written. |
| 222 | You ready? |
| 223 | Yeah, o-okay. |
| 224 | "When I think of the love |
| 225 | "that these two givers and receivers share, |
| 226 | "I cannot help but envy the lifetime ahead |
| 227 | "of having and loving |
| 228 | and giving and..." |
| 229 | And then I can't think of a good word for right here. |
| 230 | How about "receiving"? |
| 231 | Yes. |
| 232 | See, Joe, not that that's not great... |
| 233 | but one of the cool things |
| 234 | about having somebody we know perform the ceremony |
| 235 | is that it can be about us. |
| 236 | You know, it can be more personal. |
| 237 | You can tell stories about us. |
| 238 | Ooh! Ooh! |
| 239 | Uh... okay! |
| 240 | Maybe I'll talk about London |
| 241 | you know, when you two hooked up, only... |
| 242 | only I won't say, "Hooked up." |
| 243 | I'll say, "Began their beautiful journey..." |
| 244 | There you go. |
| 245 | "...by doing it." |
| 246 | Joe... |
| 247 | Okay, all right. |
| 248 | Um, so, uh, so, how did it happen? |
| 249 | Did your eyes meet across the room |
| 250 | and then the next thing you know |
| 251 | you're in the bathtub together |
| 252 | and she's feeding you strawberries? |
| 253 | Isn't that what happened with you and the bridesmaid? |
| 254 | Yeah. |
| 255 | I call that "London style." |
| 256 | No, that is not what happened with us. |
| 257 | Ooh, but maybe you should say it is |
| 258 | because London-style sounds nice. |
| 259 | Yeah. |
| 260 | Okay, uh... |
| 261 | Well, I was, um, really sad that night |
| 262 | because this guy thought that I was Ross's mom. |
| 263 | Ah. And Chandler was... |
| 264 | he was really sweet and he consoled me. |
| 265 | Well, we drank too much... |
| 266 | Yeah, baby. |
| 267 | And I was a perfect gentleman |
| 268 | and I walked her to her hotel room |
| 269 | and said, "Good night." |
| 270 | Oh. |
| 271 | But then later that night... |
| 272 | Yeah, baby. |
| 273 | ( knocking at door ) |
| 274 | Hey. Cute PJ's. |
| 275 | You're really living it up here in London, huh? |
| 276 | Well, I wasn't exactly expecting company after... |
| 277 | 9:15. |
| 278 | Is Joey here? |
| 279 | Well, the last time I saw him |
| 280 | he was heading out the door |
| 281 | with a bridesmaid and a bucket of strawberries. |
| 282 | So, uh, you're not still upset |
| 283 | about what that guy told you, are you? |
| 284 | Wouldn't you be? Well, look, |
| 285 | It's been a really emotional time, you know? |
| 286 | And you've had a lot to drink |
| 287 | and you've just got to let that go, okay? |
| 288 | I mean, you were |
| 289 | the most beautiful woman in the room tonight. |
| 290 | Really? |
| 291 | Are you kidding? You're the most beautiful woman |
| 292 | in most rooms. |
| 293 | ( moaning passionately ) |
| 294 | Whoa, whoa, whoa, what's going on? |
| 295 | You and I just made out. |
| 296 | You and I are making out? |
| 297 | Well, not anymore. |
| 298 | But we don't do that. |
| 299 | I know, I just thought it'd be fun. |
| 300 | How drunk are you? |
| 301 | Drunk enough that I know I want to do this. |
| 302 | Not so drunk that you should feel guilty |
| 303 | about taking advantage. |
| 304 | That's the perfect amount. |
| 305 | You know what's weird? What? |
| 306 | This doesn't feel weird. |
| 307 | I know. |
| 308 | You're a really good kisser. |
| 309 | Well, I have kissed over four women. |
| 310 | You want to get under the covers? |
| 311 | Mm-hmm. Okay. |
| 312 | Wow, you are really fast. |
| 313 | It bodes well for me that speed impresses you. |
| 314 | We're going to see each other naked. |
| 315 | Yep. |
| 316 | You want to do it at the same time? |
| 317 | Count of three? |
| 318 | BOTH: One, two, three. |
| 319 | Well, I think it's safe to say |
| 320 | that our friendship is effectively ruined. |
| 321 | Eh, we weren't that close anyway. |
| 322 | Eh! |
| 323 | ( door rattling ) |
| 324 | Joey, Joey, Joey, it's Joey... |
| 325 | Hey. |
| 326 | Hey, Joe. |
| 327 | I was just watching a movie... |
| 328 | Oh, dude, I'm so sorry. |
| 329 | No, no. Hey, no, no, no. |
| 330 | It's cool. It's cool. I'll only be a second. |
| 331 | I'm still with my bridesmaid. |
| 332 | Where are all those condoms you brought? |
| 333 | They're in my bag over there. |
| 334 | Oh. |
| 335 | Uh, could you leave me one? |
| 336 | For just you? |
| 337 | Yeah. |
| 338 | All right, there you go, buddy. |
| 339 | Go nuts. |
| 340 | That's what that was? |
| 341 | Can you imagine |
| 342 | if I hadn't left you that last one? |
| 343 | You two might have never gotten together. |
| 344 | Ooh, ooh-- can you imagine |
| 345 | if I had sent that hooker up to the room |
| 346 | like I was going to? |
| 347 | It's like it was in the stars. |
| 348 | PHOEBE: Oh, yeah, it was totally meant to be. |
| 349 | Tell him who you originally wanted |
| 350 | to hook up with that night. |
| 351 | What? What? |
| 352 | What? |
| 353 | Who did you originally want to hook up with? |
| 354 | Okay, fine, but please, don't be upset, okay? |
| 355 | I was really depressed, okay? |
| 356 | And really drunk. |
| 357 | I just wanted something stupid and meaningless. |
| 358 | I just wanted, just sex. |
| 359 | So, when I went to your room that night |
| 360 | I was actually looking for Joey. |
| 361 | Yeah, baby. |
| 362 | No, baby. |
| 363 | Oh, my God. |
| 364 | You came to the room looking for Joey? |
| 365 | Were you ever planning on telling me this? |
| 366 | No, because I didn't think it was important. |
| 367 | It's not important? It's not important? |
| 368 | If it wasn't for a bridesmaid |
| 369 | you'd be marrying him, not me. |
| 370 | No, do you know how unbelievably glad I am |
| 371 | that Joey was not there that night? |
| 372 | Hey! |
| 373 | I'm a man of the cloth, but I still have feelings. |
| 374 | Look, there is no way |
| 375 | you're doing this wedding now, okay? |
| 376 | What?! That's not fair. |
| 377 | It's not my fault. |
| 378 | I was off with my bridesmaid. |
| 379 | And who's to say I would have even said yes? |
| 380 | I mean, I would have said yes. |
| 381 | Chandler, look, you are making |
| 382 | way too big a deal out of this. |
| 383 | Everything worked out okay. |
| 384 | It's just weird, okay? |
| 385 | I don't want to be standing there saying my vows |
| 386 | and then having the mental image of you and Monica. |
| 387 | I need... |
| 388 | I don't know what I need. I need a walk. |
| 389 | Wait, Chandler, come on. |
| 390 | It's not a big deal. |
| 391 | Well, it is to me. |
| 392 | You wanted to sleep with Batman |
| 393 | and, instead, you had to settle for Robin. |
| 394 | This is crazy. |
| 395 | I know. Robin is so gay. |
| 396 | So, now, what have we agreed? |
| 397 | No more pranks. |
| 398 | And what else? |
| 399 | That you and Daddy were not on a break. |
| 400 | Very good. |
| 401 | Rachel. |
| 402 | What are you doing here? |
| 403 | I'm just visiting my good friend Carol. |
| 404 | Your "good friend"? |
| 405 | Yeah. |
| 406 | What's her last name? |
| 407 | Carol... |
| 408 | Lesbian? |
| 409 | Nice. |
| 410 | And by the way, that... that line down my face... |
| 411 | The line that prompted a student |
| 412 | in my last class of the day to say, uh |
| 413 | "Dude, don't you ever wash your face?" |
| 414 | All right, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I didn't tell you. |
| 415 | Listen, I don't want you teaching my son |
| 416 | that stuff anymore, okay? |
| 417 | Fine, fine, but I'll have you know |
| 418 | that once I taught him that stuff |
| 419 | he called me Fun Aunt Rachel |
| 420 | and I loved being Fun Aunt Rachel. |
| 421 | I'm glad you guys were bonding, but... |
| 422 | Look, he doesn't have any brothers or sisters. |
| 423 | Somebody's going to have |
| 424 | to teach him this stuff. |
| 425 | And I haven't taught him anything |
| 426 | that a normal six-year-old doesn't know anyway. |
| 427 | BEN: Crap! |
| 428 | I got to go. |
| 429 | JOEY: Hey. |
| 430 | Hey. You want this scone? |
| 431 | It came from me, but it would probably rather sleep with you. |
| 432 | Come on, nothing even happened. |
| 433 | I just... I don't want you to be upset. |
| 434 | How can I not be upset, okay? |
| 435 | I finally fall in love with this fantastic woman |
| 436 | and it turns out that she wanted you first. |
| 437 | Yeah, for like a half an hour one night. |
| 438 | Chandler, she wants you for the rest of her life. |
| 439 | We look at you |
| 440 | and we see you together and it just... |
| 441 | it fits, you know? |
| 442 | And you just know it's going to last forever. |
| 443 | That's what you should say. |
| 444 | What? |
| 445 | When you're marrying us, that's what you should say. |
| 446 | Really? I can do it? |
| 447 | I'd love it if you'd do it. |
| 448 | Hey. |
| 449 | But those are the words, those exact words. |
| 450 | Well, I don't remember exactly, but... |
| 451 | it's pretty much about having and giving |
| 452 | and sharing and receiving. |
| 453 | Hey. Hey. |
| 454 | So you guys doing okay? |
| 455 | Yeah, we talked and Monica made me see |
| 456 | that I overreacted a little bit |
| 457 | and some things in life are more important. |
| 458 | Yeah, baby. |
| 459 | I'm really glad you guys are okay |
| 460 | but I just keep thinking what would happen |
| 461 | if you two actually had hooked up. |
| 462 | Honey, dinner's ready. |
| 463 | What's my little chef got for me tonight? |
| 464 | Your favorite. |
| 465 | JOEY: Ho, ho, ho. |
| 466 | Fried stuff with cheese. |
| 467 | Yep... and lots of it. |
| 468 | Thanks, sweetheart. |
| 469 | In you go. |
| 470 | In we go, in we go, in we go, in we go. |
| 471 | Ah... |
| 472 | How you doing? |
| 473 | Hey. Hey. |
| 474 | Hey, I'm sorry to do this to you again |
| 475 | but is there any way |
| 476 | you can look after Ben for a little bit? |
| 477 | I've got this meeting at school |
| 478 | and he-he asked for his "Fun Aunt Rachel." |
| 479 | Aw, well, of course I will watch him. |
| 480 | We have fun, don't we, Ben? |
| 481 | ROSS: Okay. |
| 482 | I'll see you later, pal. |
| 483 | Okay. |
| 484 | ( laughs ) |
| 485 | Wait a minute. |
| 486 | Ben, I can't do it. |
| 487 | You've got something on your back. |
| 488 | What? |
| 489 | That's great. That is great. |
| 490 | What did we just finish talking about, Ben? |
| 491 | What did we just finish talking about, Ben? |
| 492 | All right, that's it. |
| 493 | Come here... You... No... |
| 494 | You are in big trouble, young man. |
| 495 | No, wait... |
| 496 | Ben, come here. I am not kidding. |
| 497 | You guys... |
| 498 | ( Ross screaming ) |
| 499 | Oh, my God! |
| 500 | Oh, my God! Ross! |
| 501 | Oh, my God! Ross! |
| 502 | |
| 1 | So, the wedding caterer sent me this list |
| 2 | of 12 appetizers |
| 3 | and I have to narrow it down to six. |
| 4 | Food? Gimme. |
| 5 | So, did Monica tell you about this great band |
| 6 | called the Swing Kings |
| 7 | that we're trying to get to play for the wedding? |
| 8 | Since when are you into swing music? |
| 9 | Since forever. |
| 10 | I used to go all over town listening to bands. |
| 11 | Chandler... |
| 12 | Gap commercial. |
| 13 | So, did you book them? Did you call? |
| 14 | I will. |
| 15 | Do you want me to call? |
| 16 | No, I'll do it. |
| 17 | You just stick to your job. |
| 18 | What is your job? |
| 19 | Staying out of the way. |
| 20 | This is impossible, Monica. |
| 21 | Why don't you just pick all 15? |
| 22 | There were only 12. |
| 23 | Oh, yeah. I added three. |
| 24 | What are "peanut butter fingers"? |
| 25 | ♪ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ♪ |
| 26 | ♪ Your job's a joke, you're broke ♪ |
| 27 | ♪ Your love life's D.O.A. ♪ |
| 28 | ♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪ |
| 29 | ♪ When it hasn't been your day, your week ♪ |
| 30 | ♪ Your month, or even your year ♪ |
| 31 | ♪ But I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 32 | ♪ 'Cause you're there for me, too. ♪ |
| 33 | Well, hello. |
| 34 | She's cute. |
| 35 | Should we go try to talk to her? |
| 36 | Sure. It's one of the great things |
| 37 | about being engaged. |
| 38 | I'm not nervous talking to pretty girls anymore. |
| 39 | Could you guys help me? |
| 40 | ( stammers ) |
| 41 | Uh, yeah. |
| 42 | Let me get that for you. |
| 43 | It's really heavy. |
| 44 | ( scoffs ) |
| 45 | I got it. |
| 46 | ( groans ) |
| 47 | So, hi, I'm Ross |
| 48 | and this is my friend Chandler. |
| 49 | I'm Kristen. |
| 50 | Kristen, hi. |
| 51 | Are you new to the area? |
| 52 | 'Cause if you are |
| 53 | I'd love to show you around sometime. |
| 54 | I actually just moved from four blocks over. |
| 55 | Ah. |
| 56 | But this block is like a whole other world. |
| 57 | Actually, it does have a very interesting history. |
| 58 | This street is the first street in the city |
| 59 | to have an underground sewer system. |
| 60 | Before that, sewage and waste would just flow |
| 61 | right down the street. |
| 62 | Sometimes, ankle deep. |
| 63 | Smooth. |
| 64 | Excuse me? |
| 65 | Um, say, you're going to be starving |
| 66 | after all this moving. |
| 67 | What do you say I take you to dinner tonight? |
| 68 | I'd like that. |
| 69 | Yeah? Great. |
| 70 | Let me take this up for you. |
| 71 | After you. |
| 72 | No, no. After you. |
| 73 | Oh, my god! |
| 74 | Am I crazy or does this totally go? |
| 75 | Oh, my god! |
| 76 | You look so beautiful! |
| 77 | Thank you, Rachel, but look at Monica. |
| 78 | This is it. |
| 79 | Yep, this is the one. |
| 80 | I can't believe I found it. |
| 81 | Wow, you look so beautiful. |
| 82 | If I knew you, I'd cry. |
| 83 | Well, I'm Monica Geller. |
| 84 | Bawl like a baby. |
| 85 | I'm Megan Bailey. |
| 86 | Have you found your dress yet? |
| 87 | Oh, no. These dresses are all so amazing |
| 88 | but there is no way I could afford one. |
| 89 | No, I can't afford this, either. |
| 90 | No. I'm just here to figure out |
| 91 | which one I want. |
| 92 | Then I'm going to get it at Kleinman's |
| 93 | this discount place in Brooklyn. |
| 94 | Day after tomorrow they're having a huge sale. |
| 95 | Oh, thanks for the tip. |
| 96 | Yeah. So when are you getting married? |
| 97 | Oh, I'm not. |
| 98 | I just like to try these on. |
| 99 | I do the same thing. |
| 100 | ( chuckles ) |
| 101 | I'm just kidding. |
| 102 | I'm getting married July 25th. |
| 103 | I'm just kidding, too. |
| 104 | ( laughs ) |
| 105 | I'm getting married in December. |
| 106 | So, when are you getting married? |
| 107 | May 15th. |
| 108 | Ooh, it's getting close. |
| 109 | Yeah. |
| 110 | So, who's your photographer? |
| 111 | Jeffrey. |
| 112 | We met with him. |
| 113 | Did he show you the photos of the nude wedding he did? |
| 114 | Best man? Wow. |
| 115 | I know. I almost called off my wedding. |
| 116 | Oh, who's your band? |
| 117 | Oh, my fiancé wants the Swing Kings. |
| 118 | Oh, you're so lucky. |
| 119 | My fiancé wants the heavy metal band Carcass. |
| 120 | Ooh, is that spelled with a "C" or a "K"? |
| 121 | Oh, my god! It doesn't matter! |
| 122 | They're both great! Oh! |
| 123 | Oh, you know what? Don't buy that here |
| 124 | Now that you know what you want you should go to Kleinman's. |
| 125 | You can get it half off. |
| 126 | This place is overpriced. |
| 127 | I own this store. |
| 128 | So, does this come in another color or...? |
| 129 | Hi. |
| 130 | Are you moving in or moving out? |
| 131 | Moving in. |
| 132 | Oh. Can I give you a hand? |
| 133 | Okay, but be careful |
| 134 | 'cause the guy who was helping me before |
| 135 | had to leave because he hurt his back. |
| 136 | Boyfriend? |
| 137 | No. |
| 138 | I'm Joey. |
| 139 | Kristen. |
| 140 | Oh, wow, what a beautiful name. |
| 141 | What is it again? |
| 142 | Kristen. |
| 143 | Ah, that's it. |
| 144 | You live around here? |
| 145 | Yeah, yeah. Right down there. |
| 146 | Listen, let me give you a little tip. |
| 147 | Do not take a nap on this stoop |
| 148 | or you could wake up with your shoes gone. |
| 149 | I'll remember that. |
| 150 | Okay. |
| 151 | Listen, would you like to have dinner |
| 152 | with me tonight? |
| 153 | I have plans tonight. |
| 154 | But how about tomorrow? |
| 155 | Sounds great. |
| 156 | Okay, all right. Well, where does this go? |
| 157 | You look strong. |
| 158 | Why don't I take that and you grab one of the boxes? |
| 159 | Okay. Yeah. |
| 160 | I'll get this one. |
| 161 | So, this is Brooklyn. |
| 162 | All right |
| 163 | listen up. |
| 164 | There's usually only one dress in each size |
| 165 | so when they open those doors, fan out. |
| 166 | Now, this is what you're looking for. |
| 167 | Memorize it. |
| 168 | When you locate the dress, blow on these, all right? |
| 169 | Three sharp blasts. |
| 170 | When you hear it, come running. |
| 171 | Okay. Got it. |
| 172 | All right. |
| 173 | Oh, they're pushing! They're pushing! |
| 174 | Hey, don't be a baby! |
| 175 | Well, I don't... |
| 176 | Let's go! |
| 177 | ( yells ) |
| 178 | Hey! Rachel, come on! |
| 179 | No. No, not it. Not it. Not it. |
| 180 | Uh! |
| 181 | Don't crowd me! |
| 182 | This is it! |
| 183 | This is the dress! |
| 184 | Oh, my god. It's perfect. |
| 185 | I'm sorry. This one's taken. |
| 186 | Whoa! |
| 187 | Megan! |
| 188 | Monica! |
| 189 | You came! |
| 190 | Yeah. |
| 191 | This is my dress. |
| 192 | No. |
| 193 | Yes, it is. You saw me wearing it. |
| 194 | And now you'll see me buying it. |
| 195 | You freak! |
| 196 | You wouldn't have even known about this place |
| 197 | if it wasn't for me. |
| 198 | Look, you don't want to fight me. |
| 199 | Maybe I do. |
| 200 | I'm pretty feisty. |
| 201 | I'm coming! I'm coming! |
| 202 | ( whistle blows thrice ) |
| 203 | Okay. |
| 204 | ( whistle blows ) |
| 205 | Hey! What do I do?! |
| 206 | ( whistling continues ) |
| 207 | What are you doing? |
| 208 | Did you find the dress? Did you find the dress? |
| 209 | No. You've got to get me out of here, Phoebe. |
| 210 | These bargain shoppers are crazy! |
| 211 | We got to get Monica! |
| 212 | No, you got to hold my hand! |
| 213 | Oh, my god! |
| 214 | ( whistle continues blowing ) |
| 215 | Excuse me! Excuse me! |
| 216 | Go! Go! Go! |
| 217 | Hey! Go! |
| 218 | ( whistling continues ) |
| 219 | So, Ross, how was your date the other night? |
| 220 | Did you tell her about the magical ride |
| 221 | that starts with the flush of every toilet? |
| 222 | Laugh all you want |
| 223 | but she actually left me a message saying |
| 224 | she'd like to go out again. |
| 225 | In fact |
| 226 | I'm going to go call her right now |
| 227 | and I'll make sure to tell her my friend Chandler says... |
| 228 | ( stammers ) |
| 229 | Hey, Chandler. Hey. |
| 230 | Listen, sorry I didn't stop by last night |
| 231 | but I had a date. |
| 232 | Joe, when it's 1:00 in the morning |
| 233 | and you don't come by, that's okay. |
| 234 | Check it out. |
| 235 | It was with this really hot girl |
| 236 | who just moved in right across the street. |
| 237 | Really? |
| 238 | Right across the street? |
| 239 | Yeah. |
| 240 | When did you meet her? |
| 241 | Two days ago. |
| 242 | Excellent. |
| 243 | You know, Ross met somebody, too. |
| 244 | Oh, yeah? |
| 245 | Hey. Hi. How'd it go? |
| 246 | Oh, great. We're going out again Saturday. |
| 247 | But I just found out |
| 248 | she's also seeing some other guy. |
| 249 | Really? |
| 250 | Joe, what would you do if you were in Ross's situation? |
| 251 | I sorta am. I mean, yeah. |
| 252 | I'm dating this girl who's also seeing another guy |
| 253 | but I'm not too worried about it. |
| 254 | Well, you shouldn't be. |
| 255 | Believe me, I wouldn't want to be the guy |
| 256 | who's up against you. |
| 257 | I mean, that doofus is going to lose. |
| 258 | So, this is nice. |
| 259 | I wish I didn't have to go, believe me. |
| 260 | But, unfortunately, I have to. |
| 261 | Oh, by the way |
| 262 | what's the name of the girl you're dating? |
| 263 | Kristen Lang. Kristen Lang. |
| 264 | Bye! |
| 265 | Well, obviously, only one of us |
| 266 | can keep dating her. |
| 267 | Obviously. So how do we decide? |
| 268 | Well, now, let's, let's look at this objectively. |
| 269 | I think I should date her. |
| 270 | Uh-huh, uh-huh |
| 271 | or, or... I'm the one who dates her. |
| 272 | That's interesting, but check this out. |
| 273 | I date her. |
| 274 | Yeah, yeah, I like that |
| 275 | but just to go in another direction... |
| 276 | Okay, okay, this can go on for a while. |
| 277 | Yeah, well, we should order some food then. |
| 278 | No, Joey. |
| 279 | Look, why don't, why don't we just let her decide? |
| 280 | Okay, hey, hey, we'll each go out with her |
| 281 | one more time, and, and we'll see |
| 282 | who she likes best. |
| 283 | That sounds fair. |
| 284 | Maybe I'll take her |
| 285 | to that new French restaurant down the street. |
| 286 | Hey, wait a second, now. |
| 287 | Look, we're going to have to set |
| 288 | a spending limit on the date. |
| 289 | I don't have the money to take her to a fancy place like that. |
| 290 | Well, sorry, that's what I do on dates. |
| 291 | All right, well, I guess I'll just |
| 292 | have to do what I do on dates. |
| 293 | So let's decide on a spending limit. |
| 294 | Yeah. |
| 295 | Uh... umm... |
| 296 | Hmm... |
| 297 | and a slice... |
| 298 | Six dollars? |
| 299 | I was thinking more like a hundred? |
| 300 | Okay. Can I borrow $94? |
| 301 | ( gasps ) |
| 302 | I know. |
| 303 | Could you hand me a tissue? |
| 304 | ( three whistle blasts ) |
| 305 | What? |
| 306 | You're out of Diet Coke. |
| 307 | ( telephone ringing ) |
| 308 | Hello. |
| 309 | What?! |
| 310 | You what?! |
| 311 | Hey, you listen here, missy. |
| 312 | What? |
| 313 | Wha...? |
| 314 | What? |
| 315 | That was that girl Megan. |
| 316 | She booked the Swing Kings on the day of our wedding |
| 317 | and said I couldn't have them back |
| 318 | unless I gave her the dress. |
| 319 | ( gasps ) |
| 320 | Does that mean Carcass is available? |
| 321 | What am I going to do? |
| 322 | That is the dress. |
| 323 | That is the dress. |
| 324 | Well... |
| 325 | Chandler wants the band. |
| 326 | What do I do? |
| 327 | Figure out a way to talk him out of it. |
| 328 | How? |
| 329 | ( three whistle blasts ) |
| 330 | You're out of toilet paper! |
| 331 | ( loud knocking ) |
| 332 | Hey. |
| 333 | What's up? |
| 334 | I just wanted to come by |
| 335 | and wish you good luck on your date. |
| 336 | Thanks. |
| 337 | Yeah. What time you meeting her? |
| 338 | We have 8:00 reservations at Gramercy Bistro. |
| 339 | That's in, like, 20 minutes. |
| 340 | You better get dressed. |
| 341 | I am dressed. |
| 342 | Oh. Oh, well good. |
| 343 | For me. |
| 344 | What is this? |
| 345 | Did you give yourself a facial? |
| 346 | I have an oily "T" zone. |
| 347 | Okay, dude. |
| 348 | Hey, you, uh, you sent Kristen flowers. |
| 349 | That's right. |
| 350 | You spent a hundred dollars. |
| 351 | That's the limit. You're screwed. |
| 352 | Actually, I sent the flowers before the actual date |
| 353 | so technically, technically, I didn't break any rules. |
| 354 | Thanks for stopping by, though. |
| 355 | Oh, oh, so that's the way it's going to be, huh? |
| 356 | Yeah, I can break the rules too. |
| 357 | What are you going to do? |
| 358 | I don't know. |
| 359 | Why am I not surprised? |
| 360 | I'm not going to let you get away with this. |
| 361 | You don't have much choice. |
| 362 | We'll see. |
| 363 | Bye-bye. |
| 364 | Yeah, bye-bye. |
| 365 | Hey! So, just a light layer...? |
| 366 | Yeah, just here... and there. |
| 367 | Joey got meat sauce on the banister again. |
| 368 | Yeah, swing music is so out. |
| 369 | Phoebe, he's got to be in the room for that to work. |
| 370 | What are you guys talking about? |
| 371 | We were just |
| 372 | talking about the, you know |
| 373 | the Swing Kings and just wondering |
| 374 | whether, you know, they were the right way to go. |
| 375 | Yeah, I went to a wedding once where they had swing music |
| 376 | and, uh, two months later the couple got divorced. |
| 377 | I'm not saying that there's any connection here, you know |
| 378 | but they did tell me that's why they got divorced. |
| 379 | But I love swing music. |
| 380 | Yeah, but the Swing Kings? |
| 381 | You know, they suck so much |
| 382 | that people actually die at their concerts. |
| 383 | They just stop living. |
| 384 | All I know is, when Monica and I went to see them, we had fun |
| 385 | and there's another reason, too. |
| 386 | Well, what is the other reason? |
| 387 | I don't want to say. |
| 388 | Well, you have to because maybe it's stupid. |
| 389 | Well, it's just while Monica and I were dancing to them |
| 390 | it was... the first time I knew that... |
| 391 | you were the woman |
| 392 | that I wanted to dance all my dances with. |
| 393 | Oh, crap. |
| 394 | ( sighs ) |
| 395 | So they said our table |
| 396 | will be ready in just a few minutes. |
| 397 | Oh, great. |
| 398 | Is your back feeling better? |
| 399 | Oh, yeah, that's fine. |
| 400 | I guess... the more muscles you have |
| 401 | the more they can spasm out of control. |
| 402 | Kristen? |
| 403 | Joey. |
| 404 | Hi. Hi. |
| 405 | What are you doing here? |
| 406 | Oh, I like this place, yeah |
| 407 | and technically, technically |
| 408 | I'm not breaking any rules, so... you know. |
| 409 | Uh, Ross, this is Joey. |
| 410 | Joey... Ross. |
| 411 | Hi. |
| 412 | Hi. It's nice to meet you. |
| 413 | Yeah. I used to have a friend named Joey. |
| 414 | I don't anymore. |
| 415 | Our table will be ready in a couple of minutes. |
| 416 | Yeah, so... |
| 417 | Sure. I would love to wait with you guys. |
| 418 | Thanks. |
| 419 | So, Joey, um, you look familiar. |
| 420 | Are, uh... are you on TV or something? |
| 421 | Well, Joey doesn't like to talk about it |
| 422 | but he's one of the stars of Days of Our Lives. |
| 423 | That's right. That's right. |
| 424 | Don't you play a woman? |
| 425 | A woman in a man's body. |
| 426 | Much better. |
| 427 | So, you know, Ross, it's funny |
| 428 | 'cause you look familiar to me, too. |
| 429 | Have you ever been married? |
| 430 | Why, yes, yes, I have. |
| 431 | In fact, um... just the other day |
| 432 | Kris and I were talking about how I've been married |
| 433 | and how I have a son. |
| 434 | Yeah. Little Eric. |
| 435 | That's right. Wait. No, Ben. |
| 436 | So you've just been married the one time then? |
| 437 | Well, um... |
| 438 | You've been married twice? |
| 439 | Yes |
| 440 | and... |
| 441 | another time after that. |
| 442 | Boy, I'm getting hungry. |
| 443 | Uh, hey, Joey |
| 444 | have you ever been so hungry on a date |
| 445 | that when the girl goes to the bathroom |
| 446 | you eat some of her food? |
| 447 | You said the waiter ate my crab cake. |
| 448 | ( laughing ) |
| 449 | Yeah. So, uh, Ross, that, now.. |
| 450 | why did that first marriage break up, hmm? |
| 451 | Was it because the woman was straight |
| 452 | or because she was a lesbian? |
| 453 | Do you two know each other? |
| 454 | No. |
| 455 | No, no. |
| 456 | It just seems like Ross is the kind of guy |
| 457 | who would marry a woman on the verge of being a lesbian |
| 458 | and then push her over the edge. |
| 459 | Wait a minute. |
| 460 | Were you on a poster for gonorrhea? |
| 461 | Have you ever slept in the same bed with a monkey? |
| 462 | Hey! You leave Marcel out of this! |
| 463 | Fine. Have you ever got stuck |
| 464 | in a pair of your own leather pants? |
| 465 | Hey, hey, have you ever locked yourself |
| 466 | in a TV cabinet, VD Boy? |
| 467 | Monkey lover! |
| 468 | Where do you think we lost her? |
| 469 | Probably around gonorrhea. |
| 470 | Hi, honey, I'm home! |
| 471 | MONICA: Don't come in here! |
| 472 | Why? Do you have another boyfriend in there or something? |
| 473 | No. We only mess around at his place. |
| 474 | You know, it's funny. |
| 475 | I started it, but now it's scaring me |
| 476 | so could you come out here, please? |
| 477 | No, I'm wearing a wedding dress. |
| 478 | Oh, you got a wedding dress? That's great. |
| 479 | Yeah, but I'm not keeping it. |
| 480 | Well, then, why can't I see it? |
| 481 | Oh. |
| 482 | I guess you can. |
| 483 | Okay, but I-I have to return it |
| 484 | so you can't like it. |
| 485 | Okay, I promise, I'll-I'll hate it. |
| 486 | Wow, you, you look... |
| 487 | hideous. |
| 488 | Really? |
| 489 | Yeah, that's like the most ugliest dress I've ever seen. |
| 490 | Why do you have to return it? |
| 491 | Oh, because it doesn't really fit. |
| 492 | Oh, by the way, I... I booked the Swing Kings. |
| 493 | Oh, that's great. Great. Thanks. |
| 494 | But that dress, I mean, it's like, ugh. |
| 495 | It's terrible. It makes me want to just rip it right off you. |
| 496 | Okay. |
| 497 | But you can't rip it. |
| 498 | Well, maybe a little. |
| 499 | Okay. |
| 500 | Hey, guys. |
| 501 | You want to look at the song list for the wedding? |
| 502 | Guys? |
| 503 | I thought you were going to be gone all day. |
| 504 | All right, what's going on? |
| 505 | I'm sorry. I'm sorry. |
| 506 | I-I should probably leave you girls alone. |
| 507 | Yeah, laugh all you want |
| 508 | but in ten minutes we're going to have younger-looking skin. |
| 509 | Yeah. |
| 510 | You know, she could use a little ( whistles ). |
| 511 | I was going to say. |
| 512 | Oh, nice shot! Yeah! |
| 513 | Hoop! Hoop! Hoop! Yeah! Yeah! |
| 514 | |
| 1 | You guys are not going to believe this. |
| 2 | I just got off the phone with my agent. |
| 3 | Oh, my God! |
| 4 | I'm sorry. Too soon. |
| 5 | You go. |
| 6 | Okay. |
| 7 | I got nominated for my part |
| 8 | on Days of Our Lives. |
| 9 | Oh, Joey! |
| 10 | Good for you! |
| 11 | Congratulations. |
| 12 | I can't believe |
| 13 | you're nominated for an Emmy. |
| 14 | No, no. |
| 15 | Soap Opera Digest Award. |
| 16 | No. I'm up for a Soapie. |
| 17 | Honey. Is that something you're making up? |
| 18 | No, no, no, it's real |
| 19 | and it has been since 1998. |
| 20 | Hey, Rach, Rach. |
| 21 | I'm up for a Soapie. |
| 22 | ( gasps ) |
| 23 | Oh, my God. |
| 24 | Oh, my God! |
| 25 | That is, like, the third most-prestigious |
| 26 | soap opera award there is. |
| 27 | Thank you. |
| 28 | Well, I guess now we know |
| 29 | who I'm taking to the awards. |
| 30 | Oh, stop that. |
| 31 | Don't kid about that. |
| 32 | Will all the stars be there? |
| 33 | Many are scheduled to appear. |
| 34 | Oh, my God. |
| 35 | Oh, my God, I can't go. |
| 36 | I'm going to be too nervous. |
| 37 | Okay, I'll go. |
| 38 | No! |
| 39 | You're getting married. This is all I have. |
| 40 | ♪ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ♪ |
| 41 | ♪ Your job's a joke, you're broke ♪ |
| 42 | ♪ Your love life's D.O.A. ♪ |
| 43 | ♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪ |
| 44 | ♪ When it hasn't been your day, your week ♪ |
| 45 | ♪ Your month, or even your year ♪ |
| 46 | ♪ But I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 47 | ♪ 'Cause you're there for me, too. ♪ |
| 48 | And it was Ernst Molbrat who first hypothesized |
| 49 | that the velociraptor, when threatened |
| 50 | would expand its collar |
| 51 | and emit a high-pitched noise to frighten off its predator. |
| 52 | Yes, Mr. Lewis? |
| 53 | What kind of noise? |
| 54 | Just a high-pitched, intimidating noise. |
| 55 | Like how? |
| 56 | Well, we, we don't know for sure |
| 57 | but in my head, it, it sounded something like this... |
| 58 | Uh... |
| 59 | ( shrill falsetto squeaking): Ah-ah-ahh! Ah-ah-ahh! |
| 60 | Ah! |
| 61 | Of course, this is just conjecture. |
| 62 | ( voice breaking ): Okay, that's... that's all for today. |
| 63 | Oh, Mr. Morse |
| 64 | can I see you for a moment? |
| 65 | Yes, sir? |
| 66 | Mr. Morse, I need to talk to you |
| 67 | about your midterm exam. |
| 68 | I'm afraid I-I had to fail you. |
| 69 | Why? |
| 70 | Well, you need 60% to pass. |
| 71 | What'd I get? |
| 72 | Seven. |
| 73 | That's not so good. |
| 74 | No, no, it's not. |
| 75 | What happened there, Ned? |
| 76 | Well, maybe you can cut me some slack. |
| 77 | I'm sort of in love. |
| 78 | Well, I'm sorry, but that's, that's |
| 79 | really not my problem. |
| 80 | I'm in love with you. |
| 81 | Well, that brings me in the loop a little. |
| 82 | See, that's why I did so bad on this test. |
| 83 | I'm having a hard time concentrating. |
| 84 | When you're up there... |
| 85 | and you're teaching |
| 86 | and your face gets all serious |
| 87 | it looks so good |
| 88 | and when you wear that tight little |
| 89 | turtleneck sweater... |
| 90 | Okay. |
| 91 | Ned, uh... |
| 92 | I, uh... I'm your teacher. |
| 93 | I'm sorry. You're... |
| 94 | You're a student, and I, and I like women |
| 95 | in spite of what may be written |
| 96 | on the backs of some of these chairs. |
| 97 | Oh, my God. |
| 98 | That guy at the counter is totally checking you out. |
| 99 | Really? |
| 100 | My God, he's really cute. |
| 101 | Go for it. |
| 102 | Phoebe, I'm engaged. |
| 103 | I'm just saying, get his number just in case. |
| 104 | No, if Chandler |
| 105 | is in an accident and can't perform sexually, you know |
| 106 | then he would want you to take a lover |
| 107 | to satisfy the needs that he can no longer fulfill. |
| 108 | Hi, I'm... |
| 109 | Oh. Could I just tell you something? |
| 110 | Um... I'm very flattered, but, uh... I'm engaged. |
| 111 | Wow, uh... |
| 112 | This is kind of embarrassing. |
| 113 | I was actually coming over to talk to your friend. |
| 114 | Well, you should be embarrassed. |
| 115 | I thought you knew I was looking at you. |
| 116 | I did, but that was really fun. |
| 117 | And the winner is... |
| 118 | Joey Tribbiani. |
| 119 | Oh! |
| 120 | Oh. |
| 121 | Wow. I... |
| 122 | honestly never expected this. |
| 123 | I, uh, I haven't even prepared a speech |
| 124 | but, uh... |
| 125 | I'd like to thank my parents |
| 126 | who've always been there for me. |
| 127 | I'd also like to thank my friends-- |
| 128 | Chandler... Monica... |
| 129 | Phoebe, Rachel. |
| 130 | I'm fourth? |
| 131 | Geez! |
| 132 | Look at you with your little maple syrup award. |
| 133 | Yeah, may-maybe you don't tell anyone about this. |
| 134 | What? |
| 135 | No, it's not a big deal. |
| 136 | I do that, too-- with my shampoo bottle. |
| 137 | Really? Yeah. |
| 138 | What award are you practicing for? |
| 139 | Grammy. |
| 140 | Best New Artist. |
| 141 | Ooh. |
| 142 | Oh, hey, listen-- the Soapies people called today |
| 143 | and I also get present an award. |
| 144 | Oh, that's great. |
| 145 | Yeah. |
| 146 | So you'll definitely get onstage |
| 147 | even if you don't win. |
| 148 | Y-y-you don't think I'm going to win? |
| 149 | But of course I do. |
| 150 | Oh. Well... |
| 151 | But, you know, Favorite Returning Character |
| 152 | is a tough category, Joey. |
| 153 | I mean, you're up against the guy |
| 154 | who survived his own cremation. |
| 155 | Mm-hmm. Yeah. |
| 156 | No, I know I might not win |
| 157 | but it's just... |
| 158 | I've never even been nominated before. |
| 159 | I want it so much. |
| 160 | Well, you know, and you'll probably get it |
| 161 | but you should probably start practicing |
| 162 | your-your "gracious loser" face. |
| 163 | You know, when, like, the cameras are on you |
| 164 | and you want to look disappointed |
| 165 | but also that your colleague |
| 166 | deserved to win, you know? |
| 167 | So it's sort of like... |
| 168 | ( gasps ) |
| 169 | Good. |
| 170 | You know? |
| 171 | You practice losing at the Grammys, too? |
| 172 | Oh, no. At the Grammys, I always win. |
| 173 | Ah. |
| 174 | Oh, hey! Hey. |
| 175 | Oh, how'd your date go with Jake? Great. |
| 176 | We couldn't keep our eyes off each other all night |
| 177 | and then, every once in a while |
| 178 | he'd kind of just lean over |
| 179 | and stroke my hair and then touch my neck. |
| 180 | Okay, stop it, Phoebe, you're getting me all tingly. |
| 181 | All I could think of was |
| 182 | "Is he going to kiss me? |
| 183 | Is he going to kiss me?" |
| 184 | And did he? |
| 185 | I'm a lady, Monica. |
| 186 | I don't kiss and tell |
| 187 | but this hickey speaks for itself. |
| 188 | Okay, okay. |
| 189 | I got it. I got it. |
| 190 | I just like him so much that I just feel |
| 191 | like I've had ten drinks today-- |
| 192 | and I've only had six. |
| 193 | Oh. You know, I haven't had that feeling |
| 194 | since I first started going out with Chandler. |
| 195 | Well. I'm never going to have that feeling again, am I? |
| 196 | You sound like a guy. |
| 197 | No, a guy would be saying |
| 198 | "I'm never going to get to sleep with anyone else." |
| 199 | Oh, my God, I'm never going to get to sleep with anyone else. |
| 200 | I've been so busy planning the wedding |
| 201 | that I forgot about all the things I'd be giving up. |
| 202 | I'm never going to have a first kiss again. |
| 203 | You'll have a last kiss. |
| 204 | Can I ask you something? |
| 205 | You ever had a guy have a crush on you? |
| 206 | Is that why you wanted to tie my tie? |
| 207 | There's this kid in my class |
| 208 | who said he's in love with me. |
| 209 | Whoa. |
| 210 | Whoa, what? |
| 211 | Ross has a boyfriend. |
| 212 | I do... I do not have a boyfriend. |
| 213 | There's a guy in one of my classes |
| 214 | who, who has a crush on me. |
| 215 | Really? Yeah. |
| 216 | I don't know. I mean, last year Elizabeth. |
| 217 | Now, now this kid. |
| 218 | What-what, what is it? |
| 219 | Am I giving out some kind of a... sexy-professor vibe? |
| 220 | Not right now. |
| 221 | The point is, my natural charisma |
| 222 | has made him fail his midterm. |
| 223 | See, now I feel bad for the kid. |
| 224 | I had a crush on a teacher once and it was so hard, you know. |
| 225 | I couldn't concentrate |
| 226 | and I blushed every time he looked at me. |
| 227 | Come on, you remember what it's like to be 19 and in love. |
| 228 | Okay. |
| 229 | Guess I can cut him some slack. |
| 230 | Yeah. |
| 231 | So how'd you get over that teacher? |
| 232 | I didn't. |
| 233 | I got under him. |
| 234 | Problem solved. |
| 235 | Bye, Phoebe. |
| 236 | Okay, bye. |
| 237 | All right. |
| 238 | Bye. |
| 239 | Bye. |
| 240 | ( sighs ) |
| 241 | We said good-bye at the door |
| 242 | so as not to flaunt our new love. |
| 243 | Oh, Phoebe |
| 244 | it's okay, you don't have to tiptoe around me. |
| 245 | I've been thinking about it and... you know what? |
| 246 | I'm okay about not having that new relationship feeling. |
| 247 | I miss you already! |
| 248 | ( loudly ): I miss you, too! |
| 249 | See, that's what I mean. |
| 250 | I mean, that, that's great |
| 251 | but I wouldn't trade in what I have for that. |
| 252 | I mean, I'm going to be with Chandler |
| 253 | for the rest of my life |
| 254 | and that's what makes me happy. |
| 255 | Hey, sweetie, come here. |
| 256 | Come sit down. |
| 257 | Hey, Phoebe and I were just talking |
| 258 | about how our relationship is deep and meaningful. |
| 259 | It really is, don't you think? |
| 260 | Oh, totally. |
| 261 | Pull my finger. |
| 262 | This is it, this is it. |
| 263 | This is my category. |
| 264 | Do you have your speech? |
| 265 | Yeah, got my speech. |
| 266 | You got your "gracious loser" face? |
| 267 | Yeah. Very nice. |
| 268 | Now, remember, if you win, you have to hug me. |
| 269 | You hug me. Okay. |
| 270 | Can I squeeze your ass? |
| 271 | On TV? |
| 272 | Yeah. |
| 273 | Yeah. |
| 274 | Okay! |
| 275 | In the category of Favorite Returning Male Character |
| 276 | the nominees are... |
| 277 | John Wheeler from General Hospital |
| 278 | Gavin Graham from The Young and the Restless |
| 279 | Duncan Harrington from Passions |
| 280 | and Joey Tribbiani from Days of our Lives |
| 281 | and the Soapie goes to... |
| 282 | Gavin Graham |
| 283 | from The Young and the Restless. |
| 284 | What the...?! |
| 285 | ( music playing ) |
| 286 | for Favorite Supporting Actress |
| 287 | is Joey Tribbiani from Days of Our Lives. |
| 288 | Whoo! |
| 289 | ( applause and music ) |
| 290 | ( in a monotone ): Any one of the brilliant actresses |
| 291 | nominated for this award tonight |
| 292 | deserves to take it home. |
| 293 | Unfortunately, only one can. |
| 294 | ( scoffing softly ) |
| 295 | The nominees for Favorite Supporting Actress are... |
| 296 | from Passions, Erin Gough... |
| 297 | from One Life to Live, Mary Lauren Bishop... |
| 298 | ( cutting off applause): from All My Children, Sarah Renee... |
| 299 | and from Days of Our Lives, Jessica Ashley. |
| 300 | And the winner is... |
| 301 | Jessica Ashley from Days of Our Lives. |
| 302 | Oh, uh, unfortunately |
| 303 | Jessica couldn't be with us tonight |
| 304 | so I'll be accepting this award |
| 305 | on her behalf. |
| 306 | And I'm sure that Jessica... |
| 307 | would like to thank my parents |
| 308 | who always believed in me. |
| 309 | She'd also like to thank my friends |
| 310 | Chandler, Monica, Ross, Phoebe and Rachel |
| 311 | who's sitting right there. |
| 312 | ( microphone goes dead ) |
| 313 | Joey, why did we have to rush out of there so fast? |
| 314 | Rach, we had to get out of there because... |
| 315 | look what I won! Ha-ha-ha-ha! |
| 316 | Oh, my God, you stole her award. |
| 317 | No, no, oh, no. I'm accepting it on her behalf. |
| 318 | Well... Joey, I don't think you know |
| 319 | what "behalf" means. |
| 320 | Sure I do. |
| 321 | It's a verb, as in "I behalf'n it." |
| 322 | Joey... |
| 323 | you have got to take this back. Why? |
| 324 | I should've won one, and I really wanted it. |
| 325 | She didn't even care enough to come to the thing. |
| 326 | It could also be a Grammy. |
| 327 | No, Joey. |
| 328 | Come on, Rach. No one saw me take it. |
| 329 | There was a whole table full of them. |
| 330 | Do you really want an award that you didn't win? |
| 331 | No. I want an award I did win |
| 332 | but nobody's given me any of those. |
| 333 | Plus, okay, Rach, if I put it up there-- right?-- |
| 334 | when people come over, they'll see it |
| 335 | and they'll think I won it. |
| 336 | Joey, it says "Best Supporting Actress." |
| 337 | I can scratch that right off. |
| 338 | Joey, no, this is wrong. |
| 339 | You have to take it back. |
| 340 | Okay? You don't want to win an award this way. |
| 341 | You're very talented |
| 342 | and someday you're going to win one of these for real |
| 343 | and that one is going to mean something. |
| 344 | All right. All right? |
| 345 | Thank you. |
| 346 | I'll take it back tomorrow. |
| 347 | Thank you. |
| 348 | If I can't have it, you can't have it. |
| 349 | ( grunts angrily ) |
| 350 | Professor Geller? |
| 351 | Yes, Mr. Lewis, how can I help you? |
| 352 | I know I didn't do well on my midterms and stuff, but... |
| 353 | I was kind of hoping you could change my grade. |
| 354 | And why exactly would I do that? |
| 355 | 'Cause I'm in love with you. |
| 356 | What? |
| 357 | Yeah. I'm all... in love with you and stuff. |
| 358 | So could you change my grade? |
| 359 | No! |
| 360 | Well, why not? You changed Ned's grade. |
| 361 | Well, that's different, okay? |
| 362 | Because he was actually in love with me. |
| 363 | No, he's not. |
| 364 | He's totally yanking your chain. |
| 365 | He's done this with three other teachers. |
| 366 | What? |
| 367 | He's got a girlfriend. |
| 368 | I can't believe someone would do that for a grade. |
| 369 | I know. It's awful. |
| 370 | I love you. |
| 371 | Hey, have you seen Chandler? |
| 372 | No. Why? |
| 373 | 'Cause I just keep thinking |
| 374 | about all these things |
| 375 | that I'm not going to have, and it's freaking me out. |
| 376 | I don't know what to do about it. |
| 377 | Okay, don't sweat it. |
| 378 | Chandler is nowhere around |
| 379 | so go ahead, get it out of your system. |
| 380 | That guy's cute. |
| 381 | Phoebe, come on, I'm serious. |
| 382 | I've just got to talk to him about all this. |
| 383 | That is the last thing you want to do. |
| 384 | Why? |
| 385 | Because you're marrying him. |
| 386 | You got to help me out here, Pheebs. |
| 387 | All right, I've never been engaged |
| 388 | and I've never really been married |
| 389 | but I can only tell you what my mother told me. |
| 390 | Whenever you have doubts or fears |
| 391 | or anxieties about a relationship |
| 392 | do not communicate them to your husband. |
| 393 | So, I'm not supposed to share my doubts and fears |
| 394 | with the guy I'm going to spend the rest of my life with? |
| 395 | That is correct. |
| 396 | Yes, you're supposed to take all that stuff |
| 397 | and put it in a little box in your mind |
| 398 | and then lock it up tight. |
| 399 | Your mother told you this? Yes. |
| 400 | The woman that got married a bunch of times |
| 401 | and killed herself when you were 13? |
| 402 | Oh, my God, you're right. All right, go. |
| 403 | Go tell Chandler. |
| 404 | Hurry, before it's too late. |
| 405 | Wait! No! |
| 406 | Does this also mean |
| 407 | that putting out doesn't get you love? |
| 408 | I cannot believe I'm going to meet Jessica Ashley. |
| 409 | Wait, wait. Please... |
| 410 | be cool, okay? |
| 411 | I work with this woman. |
| 412 | Okay, I'm totally cool. |
| 413 | Okay. |
| 414 | Come in. |
| 415 | Hey, Jessica. |
| 416 | Hey, Jess. |
| 417 | Uh, this is my friend Rachel. |
| 418 | Hi. |
| 419 | What's up? |
| 420 | Uh, listen, here's your trophy. |
| 421 | I accepted it for you. |
| 422 | Oh, my God, I won? |
| 423 | Do you have any idea what this means? |
| 424 | Wow, that-that's it? You're not going... |
| 425 | you're not going to put it on your shelf or anything? |
| 426 | No. I try to save that for real awards. |
| 427 | Now, if you'll excuse me. |
| 428 | Hmm... |
| 429 | Take it back? Absolutely. |
| 430 | Yeah, you do. |
| 431 | Honey? Hmm? |
| 432 | As we get closer to the wedding |
| 433 | is there anything that you'd like to talk about or share? |
| 434 | Okay, well, I think the centerpieces are too big. |
| 435 | You're wrong. The centerpieces are fine. |
| 436 | Do you ever get scared at all? |
| 437 | Kind of. They're really big. |
| 438 | I mean, does it ever freak you out that-that... |
| 439 | you're never going to be with anybody new again? |
| 440 | What? |
| 441 | Just... I love you so much. |
| 442 | It's just that sometimes it bothers me |
| 443 | that I'm never going to have that feeling... |
| 444 | you know, when you meet someone for the first time |
| 445 | and it's new and exciting. |
| 446 | You know that rush? |
| 447 | No. |
| 448 | Now, see, when I first meet somebody |
| 449 | it's, uh, it's mostly panic, anxiety and a... |
| 450 | great deal of sweating. |
| 451 | Okay, but, all right, you're a guy. |
| 452 | Does it not freak you out |
| 453 | that you're never going to sleep with anybody else? |
| 454 | Sleeping with somebody new. |
| 455 | Anxiety, panic and, I'm afraid, even more sweating. |
| 456 | Even with me? |
| 457 | I was dangerously dehydrated |
| 458 | during the first six months of our relationship. |
| 459 | Look... |
| 460 | for me, the rush is knowing |
| 461 | that we are going to be together for the rest of our lives. |
| 462 | Really? Well, yeah. |
| 463 | But now that I know that you're having these thoughts |
| 464 | we're back to panic, anxiety, and, uh |
| 465 | I'm definitely going to need some kind of sports drink. |
| 466 | Come here. |
| 467 | Come here. |
| 468 | Sweetie, you don't have to worry. |
| 469 | No. Besides, you know what? |
| 470 | I'm going to have a lot of new things with you: |
| 471 | the first time we buy a house, our first kid |
| 472 | our first grandkid. |
| 473 | Water! Water! Water! |
| 474 | Uh, Mr. Morse, can I speak to you for a moment? |
| 475 | That was a great lecture today. |
| 476 | Did you get a little haircut? |
| 477 | Mm-hmm, yeah, yeah. Do you like it? |
| 478 | Do you love it? |
| 479 | I just want you to know that I'm changing your grade back. |
| 480 | What? Why? |
| 481 | Because I know what you're trying to pull here, okay? |
| 482 | It's not going to work. |
| 483 | I'm not trying to pull anything. |
| 484 | Look, I love you, dude. |
| 485 | You know what? I'm not even going to talk about this, okay? |
| 486 | This little thing is over. |
| 487 | I know you have a girlfriend. |
| 488 | Okay? Yeah, and I know about the other professors. |
| 489 | How do you think that makes me feel, Ned? |
| 490 | You used me! |
| 491 | You don't love me, and you never did! |
| 492 | Ah, Professor Winston, Professor Frederickson. |
| 493 | I'll be right with you. |
| 494 | Don't make this worse, and I'll give you a "C." |
| 495 | Shall we? |
| 496 | Rach? |
| 497 | I'll be out in a second. |
| 498 | Mmm. |
| 499 | It's just so unexpected. |
| 500 | ( laughing ): I... I, uh... |
| 501 | Well, it's... I'll tell you, it's just such an honor |
| 502 | to just be nominated... |
| 503 | for a Nobel prize. |
| 504 | And, you know, to win one for a massage, oh... |
| 505 | especially after having just won a Tony award for Best Actress... |
| 506 | We have to go. Our reservations are at 8:00. |
| 507 | In Reservations at 8:00... |
| 508 | by Neil Simon. |
| 509 | Thank you, thank you, Neil. |
| 510 | Thank you for the words. |
| 511 | Okay, honey, you can finish this later. |
| 512 | We're going to be late. We got to go. |
| 513 | No, please, don't play the music. |
| 514 | I just have one more thing. Okay. |
| 515 | Live from New York, it's Saturday Night! |
| 516 | |
| 1 | Oh, hey. |
| 2 | How was your audition? |
| 3 | I'm sorry, do I know you? |
| 4 | What are you doing? |
| 5 | I'm just practicing blowing you off |
| 6 | 'cause I'm going to be a big movie star. |
| 7 | Oh! You got it? |
| 8 | No, not yet, but the audition went really good. |
| 9 | What was it for? |
| 10 | Oh, it's this big-budget period movie |
| 11 | about these three Italian brothers |
| 12 | who come to America around the turn of the century. |
| 13 | It's really classy. |
| 14 | Oh, and the director is supposed to be |
| 15 | the next next Martin Scorsese. |
| 16 | The next next? |
| 17 | Yeah, there's this guy from Chicago |
| 18 | who's supposed to be the next Martin Scorsese, right? |
| 19 | But then this guy is right after him. |
| 20 | ( phone ringing ) |
| 21 | Hello. |
| 22 | Joey, it's Estelle. |
| 23 | I just talked to the casting people. |
| 24 | They loved you. |
| 25 | They loved me. |
| 26 | Yeah, and they want to see you again tomorrow. |
| 27 | Oh, my God. |
| 28 | There's just one thing. |
| 29 | Do you have a problem with full-frontal nudity? |
| 30 | Are you kidding me? |
| 31 | I never rent a movie without it. |
| 32 | Oh. |
| 33 | Uh, okay, uh, let me call you back. |
| 34 | What's the matter? |
| 35 | They want me to be totally naked in the movie. |
| 36 | Wow. I know. |
| 37 | My grandmother's going to see this. |
| 38 | Grandma's going to have to get in line. |
| 39 | ♪ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ♪ |
| 40 | ♪ Your job's a joke, you're broke ♪ |
| 41 | ♪ Your love life's D.O.A. ♪ |
| 42 | ♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪ |
| 43 | ♪ When it hasn't been your day, your week ♪ |
| 44 | ♪ Your month, or even your year ♪ |
| 45 | ♪ But I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 46 | ♪ 'Cause you're there for me, too. ♪ |
| 47 | Hey, the wedding is so close. |
| 48 | Are you getting nervous? |
| 49 | Yeah... |
| 50 | but a part of me also can't |
| 51 | wait till it's over. |
| 52 | Chandler and I have this pact |
| 53 | not to have sex again until the wedding. |
| 54 | A "no sex" pact, huh? |
| 55 | I actually have one of those going on |
| 56 | with every woman in America. |
| 57 | Hey, Phoebe, will you give me a hand? |
| 58 | Sure. I've got to make up the guest bedroom. |
| 59 | Hey, Cousin Cassie's coming to stay with us for a few days. |
| 60 | Cassie? Mm-hmm. |
| 61 | I haven't seen her in, like, forever. |
| 62 | I wonder if she still carries that Barbie everywhere she goes. |
| 63 | Ross, she's 25 years old. |
| 64 | So what? I still ha-- |
| 65 | No, you're probably right. |
| 66 | Hi. Hey. |
| 67 | Hey, Pheebs. |
| 68 | Can I talk to you over here for a second? Yeah. |
| 69 | Subtle, guys. |
| 70 | What? |
| 71 | I know you're planning my surprise bridal shower. |
| 72 | Okay, well, don't ruin it. |
| 73 | Just play along, at least. |
| 74 | Okay. Sorry. |
| 75 | Oh, my God, we have to throw her a shower? |
| 76 | Hey. |
| 77 | What'd you decide to do about the movie? |
| 78 | I don't know, I mean... |
| 79 | it's not like it's porn. |
| 80 | This is a serious, legitimate movie, you know? |
| 81 | And the nudity is really important to the story. |
| 82 | That's what you say about porn. |
| 83 | Yeah, you're right. |
| 84 | Maybe I shouldn't even go on the callback. |
| 85 | No. No, you should. |
| 86 | A lot of major actors do nude scenes. |
| 87 | And the chance to star in a movie? Come on. |
| 88 | Well, that's true. |
| 89 | And I am only naked in one scene. |
| 90 | Plus it sounds really great. |
| 91 | My character's Catholic |
| 92 | and he falls in love with this Jewish girl. |
| 93 | We run away together and get caught in this big rainstorm |
| 94 | so we go into this barn |
| 95 | and we undress each other and hold each other. |
| 96 | It's really sweet and tender. |
| 97 | Plus, everyone's going to see your thing. |
| 98 | ( laughing ) |
| 99 | So when can we have this shower? |
| 100 | She has got so much going on |
| 101 | we have, we have only two options. |
| 102 | We have Friday... |
| 103 | Well, that's just two days away. |
| 104 | What is the other option? |
| 105 | Yesterday. |
| 106 | If we make it yesterday, whoo-hoo, we're done. |
| 107 | My God, Phoebe |
| 108 | this is impossible. |
| 109 | We can't do this by Friday. |
| 110 | We have to find a place |
| 111 | we have to invite people |
| 112 | we have to get food-- |
| 113 | There's just too much to do. |
| 114 | It's impossible. |
| 115 | We cannot do it. Calm down! |
| 116 | Okay. |
| 117 | I'm sorry. You're right. |
| 118 | You're right. I'm sorry. |
| 119 | Just calm down, woman! |
| 120 | Phoebe, I already, I already did. |
| 121 | Oh, okay, then I need to calm down a little. Okay. |
| 122 | Okay, I think we can do this |
| 123 | if we just get organized, all right? |
| 124 | We have two days to plan this party. |
| 125 | We just need to make fast decisions. |
| 126 | Okay! |
| 127 | Okay. Where are we going to have it? |
| 128 | Here. What time? 4:00. Food-- |
| 129 | Finger sandwiches and tea. |
| 130 | Whoo! Great! Very Monica. |
| 131 | And chili. |
| 132 | Ah, you went one too far. |
| 133 | Uh, flowers or balloons? |
| 134 | Both. |
| 135 | We're paying for this. |
| 136 | Neither. |
| 137 | Okay. Um... what shall we do for the theme? |
| 138 | Lusts of the flesh. |
| 139 | What? |
| 140 | I don't know. Cowboy theme? |
| 141 | ( door opening ) |
| 142 | Hey. |
| 143 | Hey. |
| 144 | You know, I'm... I'm really glad |
| 145 | we decided not to sleep together before the wedding. |
| 146 | Oh, boy. Me, too. |
| 147 | But, you know, I was thinking, if we had a big fight |
| 148 | and we broke up for a few hours |
| 149 | Yeah. |
| 150 | Technically... we could have sex again. |
| 151 | What do you think, bossy and domineering? |
| 152 | The wedding is off, sloppy and immature. |
| 153 | That's me. Come on. |
| 154 | Oh, wait. We can't. My cousin Cassie's |
| 155 | in the guest room. |
| 156 | We're supposed to have lunch. |
| 157 | Well, get rid of her, obsessive and shrill. |
| 158 | Shrill? |
| 159 | The wedding is back on. |
| 160 | I thought I heard voices. |
| 161 | You must be Chandler. |
| 162 | Hi. Nice to meet you. |
| 163 | Nice to meet you, too. |
| 164 | So, you ready to go? |
| 165 | Yeah. |
| 166 | BARRY WHITE: ♪ It feels so good ♪ |
| 167 | ♪ You lying here next to me. ♪ |
| 168 | Chandler?! |
| 169 | He'll be right with you. |
| 170 | Cassie needs to stay at your place. |
| 171 | W-Why? |
| 172 | Because Pervy Perverson over here |
| 173 | can't stop staring at her. |
| 174 | What?! |
| 175 | Chandler, she's our cousin. |
| 176 | I was not staring at her, okay? |
| 177 | I was just listening intently. |
| 178 | It's called being a good conversationalist. Watch. |
| 179 | Say something. |
| 180 | You were staring about eight inches south of there. |
| 181 | Fine. She can stay at my place. |
| 182 | By the way, what does Cassie even look like now? |
| 183 | She looks exactly like Aunt Marilyn. |
| 184 | Hmm. |
| 185 | So this Aunt Marilyn. |
| 186 | I-is she coming to the wedding? |
| 187 | Wafer-thin ice. |
| 188 | Hey. I'm back. |
| 189 | Hi, Joey. |
| 190 | Uh, so... |
| 191 | will I be reading the same scene again? |
| 192 | Actually, I tried to call you. |
| 193 | You didn't need to come down here today. |
| 194 | Oh, great. |
| 195 | You know, I would have been perfect |
| 196 | for this part, but whatever. |
| 197 | You know, thanks for making a bad decision |
| 198 | and ruining your movie. Good day. |
| 199 | Wait, Joey. You didn't need to come down |
| 200 | because the director saw your tape |
| 201 | from yesterday and loved it. |
| 202 | And... scene. |
| 203 | Huh? |
| 204 | Wasn't that fun? |
| 205 | We did a little improv there. |
| 206 | Yeah. Okay. |
| 207 | So, y-you were saying? |
| 208 | The director thinks |
| 209 | you're really right for the part |
| 210 | and wants to meet you tomorrow. |
| 211 | Wow. Sure. That's great. |
| 212 | Oh, and your agent said you're okay with the nudity. |
| 213 | Yeah. Yeah, sure, just as long as it's handled tastefully |
| 214 | and that barn is not too cold, you know. |
| 215 | Terrific. Well, uh, there's one more thing. |
| 216 | Uh... Um... |
| 217 | It's really important to the director |
| 218 | that everything in this movie is authentic |
| 219 | you know |
| 220 | and so... in your love scene with Sarah |
| 221 | she talks about how she's never seen a naked man |
| 222 | who wasn't Jewish. |
| 223 | So... |
| 224 | So... what? |
| 225 | So, uh, well, the director is insisting |
| 226 | that whoever played that part be authentically |
| 227 | uh... anatomically... not Jewish. |
| 228 | You know what I'm saying? |
| 229 | Yes. Okay. |
| 230 | No. What? |
| 231 | An Italian Catholic immigrant at this time would not be... |
| 232 | Bar Mitzvahed? |
| 233 | So, to get this part, you can't be...? |
| 234 | No. But you are? Yeah. |
| 235 | But you told them you weren't. |
| 236 | That's right. |
| 237 | Wow. Wow. |
| 238 | And it's definitely all gone? |
| 239 | There's nothing there to work with? |
| 240 | Then what were you thinking? |
| 241 | I don't know. |
| 242 | I really want this part, you know? |
| 243 | And they tell you no matter what you get asked |
| 244 | during an audition, you say yes. |
| 245 | Like, if they want you to ride a horse |
| 246 | you tell them you can |
| 247 | and you just figure out how to do it later. |
| 248 | Joey, this is not like learning to ride a horse. |
| 249 | This is like learning to grow a turtleneck. |
| 250 | I know, I know. Okay? |
| 251 | And apparently, tomorrow |
| 252 | when I go in to meet the director |
| 253 | I have to take off my clothes |
| 254 | so that they can see what my body looks like. |
| 255 | Oh, my God, what are you going to do? |
| 256 | I just have to call my agent and tell her I can't do the part. |
| 257 | ( sighs ) |
| 258 | Unless... |
| 259 | Unless what? |
| 260 | Well, this may sound crazy, but... |
| 261 | there may be something that we could fashion. |
| 262 | Like what? |
| 263 | Well, I'm not sure yet |
| 264 | but, um... off the top of my head, I'm thinking... |
| 265 | double-sided tape and some sort of luncheon meat. |
| 266 | Hey. |
| 267 | I've got a great idea. |
| 268 | For party favors for the shower. |
| 269 | Okay, we get some mahogany boxes |
| 270 | and carve everyone's names in them |
| 271 | and then inside is each person's |
| 272 | individual birthstone. |
| 273 | Okay. |
| 274 | Okay. |
| 275 | All right, you take care of that... |
| 276 | Okay. |
| 277 | And... |
| 278 | Meanwhile, the party is tomorrow |
| 279 | and we still don't have a guest list. |
| 280 | Okay, okay, well, okay, who do we know that's coming? |
| 281 | Me... Are you? |
| 282 | Hey. |
| 283 | Hey. What's up, Mon? |
| 284 | I'm trying to make something for Joey. |
| 285 | Mind if I raid your fridge? |
| 286 | Have at it. |
| 287 | All right... turkey. |
| 288 | That won't work. |
| 289 | Cheese. That won't work. |
| 290 | Olive loaf?! |
| 291 | I hope that won't work. |
| 292 | Are you making him a sandwich? |
| 293 | No, it's more like a wrap. |
| 294 | Okay, so, uh... |
| 295 | I'm going to go, guys |
| 296 | so you can get back to... |
| 297 | deciding on what to get me for a present. |
| 298 | We have to get her a present? |
| 299 | Okay, but look. |
| 300 | ♪ Look at what I got. ♪ |
| 301 | It's her address book. |
| 302 | We have a guest list. Ah. |
| 303 | Oh, my God, you're amazing. |
| 304 | Did you just pull that out of her purse? |
| 305 | Uh-huh. And, a little seed money for the party. |
| 306 | Oh, nice... Nice. |
| 307 | ( loud knocking ) |
| 308 | Cassie? |
| 309 | Hey, Ross. |
| 310 | Hi. |
| 311 | It's been so long. |
| 312 | Last time I saw you |
| 313 | you were setting up your tent in line |
| 314 | to see Return of the Jedi. |
| 315 | ( stuttering ) |
| 316 | So you did see me that day |
| 317 | because it seemed like you didn't. |
| 318 | ( nervous laughter ) |
| 319 | Oh, yeah. Sorry about that. |
| 320 | It's okay. Come on in. |
| 321 | Thanks for letting me stay here. |
| 322 | I mean, Monica's place was nice |
| 323 | but her fiancé sure stares a lot. |
| 324 | Ah... |
| 325 | BARRY WHITE: ♪ It feels so good ♪ |
| 326 | ♪ You lying here next to me. ♪ |
| 327 | Oh, my God. |
| 328 | You do a great Chandler. |
| 329 | Uh-huh. |
| 330 | Yeah, I-I have a knack for impressions. |
| 331 | Well, maybe after we get reacquainted |
| 332 | uh, you could do me. |
| 333 | Yeah... No! |
| 334 | Cassie... |
| 335 | how you... how you doing on that... |
| 336 | hot dog? |
| 337 | I'm all done. |
| 338 | Thank God. |
| 339 | I guess the last time we really hung out |
| 340 | was when our parents |
| 341 | rented that beach house together. |
| 342 | Oh, right, right... |
| 343 | Oh, remember the time I, uh, I pinned you down and tickled you |
| 344 | until you cried? |
| 345 | We're probably too old to do that now. |
| 346 | I'll always remember that summer because it's when I got |
| 347 | all these freckles. |
| 348 | Uh-huh. Uh-huh. |
| 349 | And-and... |
| 350 | I'll always remember that summer |
| 351 | because that's when I realized that we are related. |
| 352 | It took you that long to figure it out, huh? |
| 353 | Um... I'm a little slow. |
| 354 | Just as our children would be. |
| 355 | Hi. |
| 356 | How are you? |
| 357 | Good. |
| 358 | Hi, thanks for coming. |
| 359 | Thank you. |
| 360 | No? All right. |
| 361 | Oh, so nice to see you. |
| 362 | Do you want-- Okay. |
| 363 | Hey, Rach. |
| 364 | Yeah? |
| 365 | Who the hell are all these people? |
| 366 | Well, I don't know. |
| 367 | I called all the people in Monica's phone book |
| 368 | and these are the only ones that could show up |
| 369 | on 24 hours notice. |
| 370 | Huh. |
| 371 | You know, there's another word |
| 372 | for people like that. |
| 373 | Losers. |
| 374 | Hi. I'm Rachel. |
| 375 | This is Phoebe. |
| 376 | I'm the Maid of Honor. |
| 377 | How do you know Monica? |
| 378 | I was her accountant four years ago. |
| 379 | Oh. Mmm. |
| 380 | I'm very interested to find out |
| 381 | who's been doing her taxes |
| 382 | the last four years. |
| 383 | That's great. |
| 384 | So, what time is Monica supposed to get here? |
| 385 | I don't know. I don't know. |
| 386 | Excuse us for sec. |
| 387 | You didn't tell her to come? |
| 388 | You were supposed to tell her. |
| 389 | No, I wasn't. |
| 390 | You were supposed to tell her. |
| 391 | I was supposed to bring the cake. |
| 392 | Fine. I'll go call her. |
| 393 | Yes, and please tell her to bring a cake. |
| 394 | Okay, we have a lot of options here. |
| 395 | A number of prototypes for you to try on. |
| 396 | Wow, those look great. |
| 397 | Yeah. |
| 398 | Okay, this one's a mushroom cap. |
| 399 | Uh, this one is made of bologna. |
| 400 | And-and the toothpicks? |
| 401 | Oh, just until the glue dries. |
| 402 | Thank God. |
| 403 | Now these are more realistic, but perishable. |
| 404 | Oh. Okay? |
| 405 | Over here, we have |
| 406 | pink suede, which is nice |
| 407 | but, um, if it gets wet |
| 408 | then, you know, it's going to shrink. |
| 409 | Yeah, maybe we just take that one away. |
| 410 | I also did a little something in fur |
| 411 | but, um, that's really just for me. |
| 412 | Okay, um... |
| 413 | So why don't you go into your room |
| 414 | and try these on and we'll see-- |
| 415 | we'll get a better idea of what's going to work. |
| 416 | Thanks. You are such a good friend |
| 417 | and this is so weird. |
| 418 | Ow! |
| 419 | Toothpick? |
| 420 | Yeah. |
| 421 | What are you trying on now? |
| 422 | The fruit roll-up. |
| 423 | And? |
| 424 | Delicious. |
| 425 | Joey... |
| 426 | Wait a minute. Wait a minute. |
| 427 | We have a winner. |
| 428 | What? Which one? |
| 429 | The Silly Putty. |
| 430 | Not so silly anymore. |
| 431 | She's your cousin. |
| 432 | She's your cousin. |
| 433 | If she knew what was going on in your head |
| 434 | she'd think you were sick. |
| 435 | Or would she? |
| 436 | Let's back up for a second. |
| 437 | She was the one who suggested opening a bottle of wine. |
| 438 | She was the one who turned down the lights. |
| 439 | She was the one that wanted to rent |
| 440 | Logan's Run, the sexiest movie ever. |
| 441 | Oh, I know that look. |
| 442 | Forget it. I want it. |
| 443 | She wants it. |
| 444 | I'm going in. |
| 445 | ( gasps ) |
| 446 | What the hell are you doing? |
| 447 | Say something clever. |
| 448 | Okay, doesn't have to be clever. |
| 449 | Just has to be words. |
| 450 | Say some words. |
| 451 | Any words will do. |
| 452 | Oh, my God. |
| 453 | This is the longest that anyone has not... talked... ever. |
| 454 | There is nothing you could say to make this worse |
| 455 | so just say something! |
| 456 | I-I-I haven't had sex in a very long time. |
| 457 | Yeah, you really shouldn't have said anything. |
| 458 | Phoebe, Rachel... it's Monica. |
| 459 | I wonder what you could possibly need me for |
| 460 | in such short notice. |
| 461 | Oh. |
| 462 | Oh, Monica, we are so sorry. |
| 463 | For what? |
| 464 | Well, first, for forgetting to throw you a bridal shower. |
| 465 | And then, for forgetting to invite you to it. |
| 466 | You already had it? |
| 467 | Yeah, well, we called everyone in your phone book |
| 468 | and a bunch of people came |
| 469 | but it took us so long to get you here |
| 470 | that they had to leave. |
| 471 | RACHEL: Yeah, we wanted to throw you |
| 472 | a big surprise and a great shower |
| 473 | and... and now you don't have either. |
| 474 | We ruined everything. |
| 475 | Well, no, wait a minute. |
| 476 | That's not true. |
| 477 | No, what you did, that was really sweet. |
| 478 | And it kind of works out for the best. |
| 479 | What do you mean? |
| 480 | Well, now I get to spend my shower |
| 481 | with the only people I really love. |
| 482 | I mean, I get all those presents |
| 483 | without having to talk to a bunch of people |
| 484 | I don't even like. |
| 485 | S-surprise. Surprise, Monica. |
| 486 | And what's cool is, the character |
| 487 | is from Naples, right? |
| 488 | Yeah. |
| 489 | My whole family's from Naples. |
| 490 | Oh, that's great. |
| 491 | Okay, well, I've heard everything I need to hear... |
| 492 | we just need to, uh... Leslie? |
| 493 | Uh, Joey, this is the awkward part. |
| 494 | Oh, hey, right. |
| 495 | Not a problem. |
| 496 | I totally understand. |
| 497 | You need to, you know |
| 498 | make sure I don't have any horrible scars or tattoos. |
| 499 | Don't you worry |
| 500 | I have nothing to hide. |
| 501 | So, there you go. |
| 502 | That's me. |
| 503 | 100% natural. |
| 504 | ( putty bounces and rolls ) |
| 505 | I tell you that has never happened before. |
| 506 | Cassie, are you finding everything okay in there? |
| 507 | Yeah. Thank you so much |
| 508 | for letting me stay here. |
| 509 | Oh, it's no problem. I've... |
| 510 | BARRY WHITE: ♪ It feels so good ♪ |
| 511 | ♪ You lying here next to me ♪ |
| 512 | ♪ Oh, what a groove... ♪ |
| 513 | ( music stops ) What? |
| 514 | Say something. |
| 515 | Say anything. |
| 516 | Ask her out, she's not your cousin. |
| 517 | |
| 1 | Hey, out of all of us |
| 2 | who do you think's going to get married next? |
| 3 | Probably Monica and Chandler. |
| 4 | Hi, could I have a pack of Newport Lights, please? |
| 5 | Uh, we don't sell cigarettes, but they have them |
| 6 | at the newsstand across the street. |
| 7 | That'd be great. Thanks. |
| 8 | Oh, my God. |
| 9 | Melissa Warburton. |
| 10 | I don't think I have the energy for this. |
| 11 | ( theatrical gasp ) |
| 12 | Oh, my God. |
| 13 | Ray-Ray Green? |
| 14 | ( screaming ) |
| 15 | Melissa! |
| 16 | ( laughing ) |
| 17 | You have been MIA |
| 18 | for the past seven sorority newsletters. |
| 19 | What's up with you? |
| 20 | ( laughing ): Well... |
| 21 | Why don't I tell you over here? |
| 22 | So, last I heard, you were going to get married. |
| 23 | Oh... poor Ray-Ray. |
| 24 | Oh, no, no, no. |
| 25 | That's good; it's all good. |
| 26 | I actually work at Ralph Lauren. |
| 27 | Shut up! |
| 28 | I will not. |
| 29 | I'm the Divisional Head of Men's Sportswear. |
| 30 | Oh, shut up more! |
| 31 | Are you friends with Ralph? |
| 32 | Oh, please. |
| 33 | Are you? |
| 34 | No. |
| 35 | Listen |
| 36 | we-we have to have dinner. |
| 37 | What are you doing tomorrow night? |
| 38 | Oh, tomorrow, I... I don't know. Um... |
| 39 | You're having dinner with me. |
| 40 | Shut up. |
| 41 | I've got to go. |
| 42 | This has been so great, Ray-Ray. |
| 43 | Oh, there you are. |
| 44 | Um, so, listen, just call me. |
| 45 | Here's my card. |
| 46 | Oh, wow, thanks. |
| 47 | Oh, you're in real estate. |
| 48 | Oh, no, that's... that's an old card. |
| 49 | Um, I wanted to get out of that and do something |
| 50 | where I could really help people |
| 51 | and make a difference. |
| 52 | Wow. So, what do you do now? |
| 53 | I'm a party planner. |
| 54 | I'll see you tomorrow. |
| 55 | Okay. |
| 56 | Hey, guys, look who's back. |
| 57 | It's Ray-Ray. |
| 58 | That was my friend Melissa from college. |
| 59 | She seems really, really fun! |
| 60 | She's actually very sweet, and we used to be very close. |
| 61 | Wait a minute. |
| 62 | She isn't... she's not the one who you...? |
| 63 | Who you what? Who you what? |
| 64 | Yes. |
| 65 | Wow. |
| 66 | Wow-wow what? Wow what? |
| 67 | Who you what?! |
| 68 | Oh, it's not a big deal. |
| 69 | They were lovers. |
| 70 | What? What? |
| 71 | No, we weren't. |
| 72 | It was nothing. |
| 73 | It was one night senior year. |
| 74 | We went to a party... |
| 75 | had a lot of sangria, and, you know, ended up... |
| 76 | kissing for a bit. |
| 77 | So, that's two of my wives. |
| 78 | ♪ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ♪ |
| 79 | ♪ Your job's a joke, you're broke ♪ |
| 80 | ♪ Your love life's D.O.A. ♪ |
| 81 | ♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪ |
| 82 | ♪ When it hasn't been your day, your week ♪ |
| 83 | ♪ Your month, or even your year ♪ |
| 84 | ♪ But I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 85 | ♪ 'Cause you're there for me, too. ♪ |
| 86 | Okay, so, this is where the band is |
| 87 | and this is where the bar is, and all these pins |
| 88 | have people's names on them. |
| 89 | Rach, here you are. |
| 90 | Oh, wow. |
| 91 | Well, why don't we just take me |
| 92 | and put me with a Manhattan in my hand |
| 93 | talking to the cute bartender? |
| 94 | ( chuckling ) |
| 95 | These pins aren't for playing, are they? |
| 96 | Okay, the red ones are my guests and the blue pins are yours. |
| 97 | This is so sad. |
| 98 | I mean, I only have, like, ten pins. |
| 99 | Chandler, relax. |
| 100 | It's not a contest. |
| 101 | It's certainly not a close one. |
| 102 | Hello. |
| 103 | Hey. |
| 104 | Hey, Rach. |
| 105 | Stop picturing it! |
| 106 | Okay, I think that's it. |
| 107 | The seating chart is done. |
| 108 | This is our wedding. |
| 109 | Wow. They all look like they're having fun, don't they? |
| 110 | Hey, so, where are my parents going to be? |
| 111 | Oh, let's see, well, if this is the wedding hall |
| 112 | then, um, your parents would be |
| 113 | over here at home in Queens. |
| 114 | What? They're not invited? |
| 115 | Oh, no, that's terrible. |
| 116 | They're going to be crushed. |
| 117 | Why would they think they're invited? |
| 118 | You got me. I... |
| 119 | Joey... |
| 120 | Well, I'm sorry. |
| 121 | Look, I thought parents were coming, you know? |
| 122 | Your parents are coming, Chandler's parents are coming |
| 123 | Ross' parents are coming. |
| 124 | Ross' parents are my parents. |
| 125 | Well, see? Parents are coming. |
| 126 | You know, I think we should invite them. |
| 127 | Oh, please. You just want more blue pins. |
| 128 | Well, this is just sad. |
| 129 | All right, all right. |
| 130 | Maybe I can fit them in |
| 131 | if I just do some rearranging. |
| 132 | Now Rachel may actually have to sit at the bar. |
| 133 | That is not a problem. |
| 134 | Maybe you'll order a little sangria. |
| 135 | Oh, get out of here! |
| 136 | So, now, these are all the tuxedos that we make |
| 137 | and if there's anything that you like |
| 138 | we can make you a deal. |
| 139 | Anything at all. |
| 140 | But these are the three that Monica pre-approved. |
| 141 | Ah, well, thanks a lot for hooking me up, Rach |
| 142 | and I want you to know that I want you |
| 143 | to attend our wedding as my guest. |
| 144 | I'm Monica's maid of honor, okay? |
| 145 | Don't try to blue-pin me. |
| 146 | Well, what's the deal with these? |
| 147 | These look nice. |
| 148 | Oh, they are nice. |
| 149 | We, we custom-make tuxedos for celebrities |
| 150 | and when they're done with them |
| 151 | they send them back. |
| 152 | You mean, like, for awards shows? |
| 153 | Some of them. |
| 154 | You mean these tuxes have been |
| 155 | down the red carpet with people yelling, uh |
| 156 | "Who are you wearing? |
| 157 | You look fabulous!" |
| 158 | Honey, might I suggest watching |
| 159 | a little more ESPN and a little less E? |
| 160 | Okay, who wore those? |
| 161 | Um... well, let's see. |
| 162 | Uh, this one's Tom Brokaw. |
| 163 | Not bad. |
| 164 | This one is, uh, Paul O'Neill. |
| 165 | Who is that? |
| 166 | He plays for the Yankees. |
| 167 | Seriously, ESPN. |
| 168 | Just once in a while. |
| 169 | Have it on in the background. |
| 170 | Ooh, this one was Pierce Brosnan. |
| 171 | Pierce Brosnan? |
| 172 | Uh-huh. |
| 173 | Are you serious? 007? |
| 174 | This is James Bond's tux? |
| 175 | Oh, I have to get married in James Bond's tux. |
| 176 | It's a pretty cool tux. |
| 177 | Ah, it's not just that. |
| 178 | I would be England's most powerful weapon. |
| 179 | A jet-setting heartbreaker |
| 180 | on Her Majesty's Secret Service. |
| 181 | A man who fears no one, with a license to kill. |
| 182 | Would Monica let me wear this? |
| 183 | We should really learn how to play the real way. |
| 184 | No, I like our way. Oh... |
| 185 | Ooh, ah, hey. |
| 186 | Chess! |
| 187 | Nice move. |
| 188 | Yeah. |
| 189 | Hey. |
| 190 | Hey. Hey. |
| 191 | So, Joey, I just hooked Ross and Chandler up |
| 192 | with some tuxedos for the wedding. |
| 193 | Do you need one? |
| 194 | No. I'm performing the ceremony. |
| 195 | I'm not wearing a tux. |
| 196 | What are you going to wear? |
| 197 | Multi-colored robes. |
| 198 | Ooh, and maybe a hat. |
| 199 | Huh. |
| 200 | Does Monica know about this? |
| 201 | I don't think so. |
| 202 | Can I be there when you tell her? |
| 203 | Hey, oh, Rach, wait. |
| 204 | Do you want to go to a movie tonight? |
| 205 | I have to have dinner with that Melissa girl. |
| 206 | Can I come? |
| 207 | I won't even talk. |
| 208 | You'll just hear the noise from my video camera. |
| 209 | What is this? What's going on? |
| 210 | Can I tell her, can I tell her? |
| 211 | Do you want to hear what actually happened |
| 212 | or Joey's lewd version? |
| 213 | Joey's. |
| 214 | Okay. |
| 215 | No, hey, come on. |
| 216 | I have this friend from college |
| 217 | and I made the stupid mistake of telling Joey |
| 218 | that one time... she and I, you know... |
| 219 | kissed a little bit. |
| 220 | ( chuckling ) |
| 221 | Yeah, I'm sure that happened. |
| 222 | It... it did. |
| 223 | Sure. |
| 224 | Hey, it happened. |
| 225 | Yeah, it was senior year in college. |
| 226 | It was after the Sigma Chi luau |
| 227 | and Melissa and I got very drunk |
| 228 | and we ended up kissing... |
| 229 | for several minutes. |
| 230 | Which means she had a couple spritzers |
| 231 | and a quick peck on the cheek. |
| 232 | Why are you taking this away from me? |
| 233 | Yeah, why is it so hard for you to believe? |
| 234 | Okay, I just, I didn't know that you were lesbian. |
| 235 | I'm not saying that I am a lesbian. |
| 236 | I'm just saying that this happened. |
| 237 | Okay. It just seems pretty wild |
| 238 | and you're, you know, so... vanilla. |
| 239 | ( muffled squeak ) |
| 240 | Vanilla? I'm not vanilla. |
| 241 | I've done lots of crazy things. |
| 242 | I mean, I got drunk and married in Vegas. |
| 243 | To Ross. |
| 244 | All right, you know what? |
| 245 | If you don't want to believe me about this |
| 246 | why don't you just come with me to dinner tonight |
| 247 | and she will tell you. |
| 248 | Okay. |
| 249 | All right, yeah. |
| 250 | 'Cause I just can't picture it. |
| 251 | Oh, you should get inside my head. |
| 252 | Hey. |
| 253 | Guess what I got for your wedding? |
| 254 | A freakishly thin date with a hanger for a head? |
| 255 | No, Rachel hooked me up with a tux. |
| 256 | But not just any tux. |
| 257 | Batman's tux. |
| 258 | What? |
| 259 | That's right. |
| 260 | Made expressly for Val Kilmer |
| 261 | and worn by him in the hit film... |
| 262 | that Batman film he was in. |
| 263 | You can't wear that. |
| 264 | I'm wearing the famous tux-- James Bond's tux. |
| 265 | So? |
| 266 | So, if you wear that, it'll make mine less special. |
| 267 | You need something to make this day special? |
| 268 | Hello. You have the most special thing of all. |
| 269 | You are marrying the woman you love. |
| 270 | ( sarcastic gobbling ) |
| 271 | Please don't take away my cool thing. |
| 272 | Please? Pretty please? |
| 273 | "Pretty please?" |
| 274 | Not very, uh, 007. |
| 275 | Look, it's my wedding day, okay? |
| 276 | If you were getting married |
| 277 | I would never do anything to upset you. |
| 278 | When I got married, you slept with my sister. |
| 279 | That was pretty 007. |
| 280 | Hey. |
| 281 | Hey. Oh, good, good, you're here. |
| 282 | All right, I figured it out. |
| 283 | I'm going to take two tables of eight. |
| 284 | I'm going to add your parents. |
| 285 | And I'm going to turn them into three tables of six, okay? |
| 286 | Then I called the caterer. |
| 287 | I added two extra meals. We are good to go. |
| 288 | Yeah, they're not coming. |
| 289 | What?! |
| 290 | Somehow, they got the idea |
| 291 | that you only invited them because of me. |
| 292 | They feel a little unwanted. |
| 293 | Oh, that's too bad. |
| 294 | It's true. But too bad. |
| 295 | Mon, if you could just call my mom... |
| 296 | Oh, Joey. |
| 297 | Come on, look, just, just to let her know |
| 298 | that you really want them to be there. |
| 299 | Let's not forget, this is a woman |
| 300 | who has sent you many lasagnas over the years. |
| 301 | No, she hasn't. |
| 302 | Is it her fault |
| 303 | if some of them didn't make it to you? |
| 304 | Well, what am I going to say? |
| 305 | I don't know. Just... just tell them there was |
| 306 | a mix-up with the invitations. |
| 307 | Or... no, no, no. |
| 308 | Blame it on the post office. |
| 309 | They hate the post office. |
| 310 | And the Irish. |
| 311 | But I don't think you can blame it on them, so... |
| 312 | Hello? Yeah, hi, uh, Mrs. Tribbiani? |
| 313 | Hi, this is Monica Geller. |
| 314 | Yeah, I'm, I'm just calling |
| 315 | to say that Chandler and I really hope |
| 316 | that you can make it to the wedding. |
| 317 | Yeah, apparently a bunch of the invitations that we sent |
| 318 | weren't delivered. |
| 319 | Um, I guess there was some screw-up |
| 320 | at the damn post office. |
| 321 | Tell me about it! |
| 322 | Yeah, yeah, the U.S. Post Office. |
| 323 | No, more like U.S. Lost Office. |
| 324 | What are they, Irish? |
| 325 | Anyway, his name's Alan |
| 326 | and we've been going out for three years. |
| 327 | He was my first client when I became a party planner. |
| 328 | Mmm! |
| 329 | He was actually planning a party |
| 330 | for his girlfriend at the time. |
| 331 | Oh, well! |
| 332 | Um... |
| 333 | And he was |
| 334 | Theta Beta Pi at Syracuse. |
| 335 | Oh, oh, that's great. |
| 336 | Mm-hmm. |
| 337 | Mmm, Phoebe, were you ever in a sorority? |
| 338 | Of course, yeah. |
| 339 | I was a... a Thigh Mega Tampon. |
| 340 | Uh... what one? |
| 341 | Yeah, you know, we were really huge, too |
| 342 | but then they had to shut us down |
| 343 | when Regina Filange died of alcohol poisoning. |
| 344 | Oh, isn't it a shame |
| 345 | when one girl ruins it for the whole bunch? |
| 346 | Mmm! Mm-hmm. |
| 347 | Mmm. Oh! |
| 348 | Anyway... |
| 349 | speaking of drinking too much... |
| 350 | I was telling, uh, telling Phoebe |
| 351 | about that one crazy night after the Sigma Chi luau |
| 352 | where you and I, uh... we made out. |
| 353 | What? |
| 354 | Remember, we...? Come on, we both-- |
| 355 | We had the sarongs on and we had the coconut bikini tops. |
| 356 | Yeah... |
| 357 | We went back to the house, and we got really silly. |
| 358 | Then we... we made out. |
| 359 | Oh, wow. |
| 360 | Ray-Ray, I have no idea what you're talking about. |
| 361 | Really! |
| 362 | Ross is Batman. |
| 363 | Well, he did manage |
| 364 | to keep his identity secret for a long time. |
| 365 | Rachel got Ross the tuxedo that Val Kilmer wore in Batman. |
| 366 | Okay, Batman is so much cooler than James Bond. |
| 367 | What are you talking about? |
| 368 | 007 has all those gadgets. |
| 369 | Batman has a utility belt. |
| 370 | 007 has a fancy car. |
| 371 | Batman has the Batmobile. |
| 372 | 007 gets all the ladies. |
| 373 | Batman has Robin. |
| 374 | We get ESPN, right? |
| 375 | How about you go put on your 007 tuxedo |
| 376 | and I'll make you a nice martini? |
| 377 | Actually, I don't like martinis. |
| 378 | Well, how about a Yoo-Hoo with the funny straw? |
| 379 | Ooh, yum! |
| 380 | Hey. Hey. |
| 381 | Listen, I know the invitation says 6:00 |
| 382 | but does that mean you want people to get there |
| 383 | at 6:00, or the show's going to start right at 6:00? |
| 384 | "The show"? |
| 385 | Right. |
| 386 | Right. |
| 387 | The wedding. Gotcha. |
| 388 | But, I mean, it's going to start a little late, right? |
| 389 | I mean, weddings start late, right? |
| 390 | Have you ever been to one of my weddings? |
| 391 | Ah, yeah, well, look-- the thing is, is |
| 392 | it's the same day as my niece's christening |
| 393 | and I really want my parents to be there in time to see me |
| 394 | 'cause my part's just in the beginning. |
| 395 | I'm not even in the rest of the show-- wedding. |
| 396 | The wedding starts at 6:00. |
| 397 | Okay, okay, I totally hear you. |
| 398 | Ooh! How about this? |
| 399 | I vamp a little till they get there? |
| 400 | You'll "vamp"?! |
| 401 | Yeah, yeah, you know |
| 402 | like, warm up the crowd, ask them where they're from |
| 403 | 'cause in Joey Tribbiani |
| 404 | you get a minister and you get an entertainer. |
| 405 | I'm a "minis-tainer." |
| 406 | All right? |
| 407 | ( rapping ): There's no one better. |
| 408 | There's no one greater. |
| 409 | Huh? |
| 410 | How can you not remember us kissing? |
| 411 | I don't know. |
| 412 | I don't remember a lot of things that never happened. |
| 413 | But... |
| 414 | Come on, remember? |
| 415 | We were on the sleeping porch. |
| 416 | We couldn't stop giggling. |
| 417 | And our coconuts kept knocking together. |
| 418 | Oh, somewhere, Joey's head is exploding. |
| 419 | Listen, I'm sorry. |
| 420 | I don't want to make you uncomfortable |
| 421 | but I told Phoebe that it happened and she doesn't believe me. |
| 422 | I'm sorry, Ray-Ray. |
| 423 | I mean, if I thought it happened, I would say it. |
| 424 | Maybe I passed out |
| 425 | and you did stuff to me while I was sleeping. |
| 426 | No! |
| 427 | Rachel, it's okay. |
| 428 | You don't have to do this, all right? |
| 429 | I believe you. |
| 430 | Okay, if you say that you kissed Melissa |
| 431 | then you kissed Melissa. |
| 432 | Thank you, Phoebe. |
| 433 | Okay. |
| 434 | But she didn't. |
| 435 | No, I know. |
| 436 | Hey. |
| 437 | CHANDLER: Hey. |
| 438 | Do you just carry that around? |
| 439 | Yes, I find it to be something of a conversation piece. |
| 440 | Between you and...? |
| 441 | Gunther. |
| 442 | Hey, hey. |
| 443 | Why don't we put them on? |
| 444 | You know, get a picture |
| 445 | of Batman and James Bond together. |
| 446 | I would, but mine doesn't fit. |
| 447 | The pants are a little tight. |
| 448 | A little tight? |
| 449 | I could see double-O and seven in those things. |
| 450 | Well, that stinks. |
| 451 | I was looking forward to us |
| 452 | wearing our celebrity tuxes together. |
| 453 | Does that mean you're not wearing yours? |
| 454 | What, are you kidding? |
| 455 | It's Batman's tux! |
| 456 | Let me try it on. |
| 457 | Okay, but just the jacket. |
| 458 | Double-O and seven are not getting in there. |
| 459 | Okay. |
| 460 | Holy double-vented comfort, Batman. |
| 461 | What's this? |
| 462 | Huh? |
| 463 | An invitation to the At First Sightpremier? |
| 464 | Oh, my God. |
| 465 | Val Kilmer didn't wear this in Batman. |
| 466 | He wore it to the premier of some tutti-fruitti love story |
| 467 | where he played a blind guy. |
| 468 | What? Let me see that. |
| 469 | Oh, man! |
| 470 | The only superpower you have |
| 471 | is a slightly heightened sense of smell. |
| 472 | Hey, uh... Monica, Chandler |
| 473 | can I talk to you guys for a sec? |
| 474 | All right, that's it. I give up. |
| 475 | Whatever you want, you can have it. |
| 476 | You want to sing a song |
| 477 | you want to do a dance |
| 478 | you want your mom to stand at the altar |
| 479 | and scream racial slurs? |
| 480 | I don't care. |
| 481 | No, no. |
| 482 | I-I just wanted to thank you guys |
| 483 | for what you did for my parents. |
| 484 | That was really sweet. |
| 485 | They're so happy they get to be a part of your special day. |
| 486 | Oh. |
| 487 | Well, you're welcome. |
| 488 | And tell them we're really glad they're coming. |
| 489 | Okay, I will. |
| 490 | Oh! Check out what they got me |
| 491 | to wear for the ceremony. |
| 492 | Huh? |
| 493 | I'll wear it like this when I marry you guys |
| 494 | and then this is for party time. |
| 495 | It happened. I am telling you, it happened. |
| 496 | PHOEBE: Okay. |
| 497 | Well, it was great meeting you. |
| 498 | And, uh, Rachel, I don't think I'll be calling you |
| 499 | because, um, you know, you've gotten weird. |
| 500 | MELISSA: Um... |
| 501 | Take care, you guys. |
| 502 | W-Wait a minute! No! Wait a minute. |
| 503 | Okay, look-- that night |
| 504 | was the one wild thing |
| 505 | I have ever done in my entire life. |
| 506 | and I'm not going to let you take that away from me. |
| 507 | Okay, so if you don't remember that |
| 508 | maybe you will remember this. |
| 509 | Oh, my God! |
| 510 | You love me. |
| 511 | What? |
| 512 | Of course I remember our kiss. |
| 513 | I think about it all the time. |
| 514 | I can still hear the coconuts knocking together, I... |
| 515 | I just didn't want to tell you |
| 516 | 'cause I didn't think you'd return my love. |
| 517 | And now that you have, I... |
| 518 | Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! |
| 519 | Oh, look who's being suddenly shy! |
| 520 | You can't tell me you don't feel what I feel. |
| 521 | Nobody can kiss that good and not mean it. |
| 522 | I'm, I'm, I'm just, I'm just a good kisser. |
| 523 | Shut up. |
| 524 | I'm sorry. |
| 525 | Oh, you don't have to be sorry. |
| 526 | I'm... |
| 527 | I'm obviously kidding. |
| 528 | I'm not in love with you. |
| 529 | I'm not in love with her, I... |
| 530 | I don't... |
| 531 | hear coconuts banging together. |
| 532 | You know, I don't picture your face |
| 533 | when I make love to my boyfriend. |
| 534 | Anyway, I've got to go. |
| 535 | Kiss good-bye? |
| 536 | No? Okay. |
| 537 | Wow... I mean |
| 538 | I had no idea that that was... |
| 539 | What the hell was that? |
| 540 | I just wanted to see what all the fuss was about. |
| 541 | And? |
| 542 | I've had better. |
| 543 | [Captioned by The Caption Center WGBH Educational Foundation] |
| 544 | CHANDLER: I found one that fits. |
| 545 | Well, you know what they say: |
| 546 | Twenty-third time's a charm. |
| 547 | ( door opens ) |
| 548 | Oh... |
| 549 | Look at you, all handsome. |
| 550 | Whose is it? |
| 551 | Oh, does it matter? |
| 552 | All that matters is that you look so handsome. |
| 553 | Whose is it? |
| 554 | I don't want to say. |
| 555 | Oh, come on, I don't care. |
| 556 | Come on, whose is it? |
| 557 | Diane Keaton. |
| 558 | |
| 1 | Do you realize that four weeks from today |
| 2 | we're getting married? |
| 3 | Four weeks, baby! |
| 4 | Four weeks! |
| 5 | Do you realize that you get louder each week? |
| 6 | There's still so much to do. |
| 7 | Hey, have you written your vows yet? |
| 8 | I figured I'd just buy those. |
| 9 | "Pat, I'd like to buy a vow." |
| 10 | Sweety, you know I have no sense of humor |
| 11 | when it comes to the wedding. |
| 12 | Right. |
| 13 | So... have you written yours yet? |
| 14 | No, but I know exactly what I'm going to say. |
| 15 | Do you happen to know exactly |
| 16 | what I'm going to say? |
| 17 | You know what? |
| 18 | Let's just do it right now, okay? |
| 19 | It won't be hard. |
| 20 | Just say what's in your heart. |
| 21 | CHANDLER: Look at her go. |
| 22 | She must love me more than I love her. |
| 23 | What's wrong with me? |
| 24 | Ooh, don't open that door. |
| 25 | ♪ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ♪ |
| 26 | ♪ Your job's a joke, you're broke ♪ |
| 27 | ♪ Your love life's D.O.A. ♪ |
| 28 | ♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪ |
| 29 | ♪ When it hasn't been your day, your week ♪ |
| 30 | ♪ Your month, or even your year ♪ |
| 31 | ♪ But I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 32 | ♪ 'Cause you're there for me, too. ♪ |
| 33 | ( exhales sharply ) |
| 34 | "Monica, there are no words..." |
| 35 | There are no words. |
| 36 | This should not be this hard. |
| 37 | All right. |
| 38 | Uh, oh, hey |
| 39 | you've done this before, Ross. |
| 40 | What did you say when you made up your vows? |
| 41 | Well, with Carol, I promised never to love another woman |
| 42 | until the day I die. |
| 43 | She made no such promise. |
| 44 | I am so pathetic. |
| 45 | Monica knows what she wants to say. |
| 46 | You should've seen her writing and writing and writing. |
| 47 | Monica, what? |
| 48 | What? What is the emergency? |
| 49 | You have to help me. |
| 50 | I'm supposed to be writing my vows |
| 51 | and all I have is this. |
| 52 | Well... I like the pretty little drawing |
| 53 | of you in the wedding dress. |
| 54 | Thank you. |
| 55 | Yeah, except your breasts look kind of small. |
| 56 | Those are my eyes. |
| 57 | Those are my breasts. |
| 58 | Oh, yeah! Okay. |
| 59 | Why don't you just start with something simple |
| 60 | like, um... "Monica, from the moment I met you |
| 61 | I knew I loved you." |
| 62 | Yeah, I'm not sure I can do that. |
| 63 | Everyone, this is Chandler. |
| 64 | Hi, I'm, uh, Ross's little sister. |
| 65 | Okay. |
| 66 | Okay, okay, okay. |
| 67 | Um, maybe you could start with |
| 68 | "Chandler, even though we were friends |
| 69 | "there was a part of me that always knew |
| 70 | I wanted more." |
| 71 | All right, there's a nuclear holocaust. |
| 72 | I'm the last man on Earth. |
| 73 | Would you go out with me? |
| 74 | Eh. |
| 75 | Ooh, are we allowed to lie in the vows? |
| 76 | Or maybe you don't talk |
| 77 | about your feelings back then. Yeah. |
| 78 | Maybe you just say something about, you know |
| 79 | all the things that he's taught you. |
| 80 | Like... |
| 81 | Or all the things you've taught him. |
| 82 | Mmm. |
| 83 | Now, everybody knows the basic erogenous zones. |
| 84 | You got one, two, three... |
| 85 | four... |
| 86 | five... |
| 87 | six and seven. |
| 88 | There are seven? |
| 89 | That's one? |
| 90 | ( chuckling ) |
| 91 | Kind of an important one. |
| 92 | Oh, you know... |
| 93 | You know what? I was looking at it upside down. |
| 94 | ( laughs ) |
| 95 | Well, you know, sometimes that helps. |
| 96 | Okay, now |
| 97 | start out with a-a little one... |
| 98 | A two... |
| 99 | A one, two, three... |
| 100 | A three... |
| 101 | A five... |
| 102 | A four... |
| 103 | A three, two... |
| 104 | Two... |
| 105 | A two, four, six... |
| 106 | Two, four, six... |
| 107 | Four... |
| 108 | Two... |
| 109 | Two... |
| 110 | Four, seven... |
| 111 | Five, seven... |
| 112 | Six, seven... |
| 113 | Seven... |
| 114 | Seven... |
| 115 | Seven, seven, seven... |
| 116 | Seven, seven, seven... |
| 117 | Seven! |
| 118 | Oh! I got it. |
| 119 | How about saying something like |
| 120 | "Monica... "Monica... |
| 121 | when I look back over our time together..." |
| 122 | Yeah? |
| 123 | I can't do everything. |
| 124 | Look back over your time together. |
| 125 | Oh, look, twins. |
| 126 | No fair. |
| 127 | I don't even have one. |
| 128 | How come they get two? |
| 129 | You'll get one. |
| 130 | Oh, yeah? When? |
| 131 | All right, I'll tell you what. |
| 132 | When we're 40, if neither of us are married |
| 133 | what do you say you and I get together and have one? |
| 134 | Why won't I be married when I'm 40? |
| 135 | Oh, no, no. No. |
| 136 | I-I just meant hypothetically. |
| 137 | Okay. Hypothetically, why won't I be married when I'm 40? |
| 138 | No. No, no. |
| 139 | No, what is it? |
| 140 | Seriously, is there something |
| 141 | fundamentally unmarriable about me? |
| 142 | Uh... uh... |
| 143 | Well? |
| 144 | Dear God, this parachute is a knapsack. |
| 145 | I'm getting married today! |
| 146 | Wahoo! |
| 147 | Do you think he knew I was here? |
| 148 | Nice try. |
| 149 | Wait, wait, wait, wait. |
| 150 | Look, Monica... Look! |
| 151 | This is not going to work. |
| 152 | I bet this'll work. |
| 153 | ( chuckling ) |
| 154 | You are so great. |
| 155 | I love you. |
| 156 | What? |
| 157 | Nothing. |
| 158 | I said, I said "you're so great" |
| 159 | and then I just, I just stopped talking. |
| 160 | You said you loved me. |
| 161 | I can't believe this. |
| 162 | No, I didn't. |
| 163 | Yes, you did. |
| 164 | No, I didn't. |
| 165 | You love me! |
| 166 | No, I don't. |
| 167 | Stop it, stop it, stop it, stop it. |
| 168 | ( screams ) |
| 169 | You know, I was thinking, what if I, uh... unpack here? |
| 170 | Then all your stuff would be here. |
| 171 | Well.... |
| 172 | What if all my stuff was here? |
| 173 | Then you'd be going back and forth all the time. |
| 174 | I mean... doesn't make any sense. |
| 175 | Okay. |
| 176 | What if we live together and you understand what I'm saying. |
| 177 | You wanted it to be a surprise. |
| 178 | Oh, my God. |
| 179 | Chandler... in all my life |
| 180 | I never thought I would be so lucky... |
| 181 | as to fall in love with my best... my best... |
| 182 | There's a reason why girls don't do this. |
| 183 | Okay, okay, okay. |
| 184 | I'll do it. |
| 185 | I thought... |
| 186 | ( stammering ): I-I can do this. |
| 187 | I thought that it mattered |
| 188 | what I said or where I said it. |
| 189 | Then I realized |
| 190 | the only thing that matters is that you... |
| 191 | you make me happier than I ever thought I could be. |
| 192 | And if you let me |
| 193 | I will spend the rest of my life |
| 194 | trying to make you feel the same way. |
| 195 | Monica...? |
| 196 | Yeah? |
| 197 | Will you marry me? |
| 198 | Yes. |
| 199 | JOEY: Can we come in yet? |
| 200 | We're dying out here. |
| 201 | Come in! Come in! |
| 202 | We're engaged! |
| 203 | ( all cheering ) |
| 204 | Hey. Hey. Hey. |
| 205 | Hi. What've you guys been up to? |
| 206 | Oh, we were helping Chandler write his vows |
| 207 | but he kicked us out |
| 208 | because Joey kept making inappropriate suggestions. |
| 209 | How is "Monica, I love your sweet ass" inappropriate? |
| 210 | How's Monica coming along with her vows? |
| 211 | Let's just say it's lucky she's got a sweet ass |
| 212 | 'cause she's not so good at the writing. |
| 213 | I can't believe in four weeks they're going to be married. |
| 214 | Well, let's just hope it works. |
| 215 | You know, nine out of ten marriages end in divorce. |
| 216 | Phoebe, that's not true. |
| 217 | Yeah, you're right. |
| 218 | How's the missus? |
| 219 | I can't believe they've been together for three years. |
| 220 | Has it been that long? |
| 221 | Maybe it seems like less because they hid it from us for so long. |
| 222 | ( knocking ) |
| 223 | JOEY: Hey, it's me. I'm coming in. |
| 224 | ( takes deep breath ) |
| 225 | ( bubbling ) |
| 226 | I've had a very long, hard day. |
| 227 | I'm going to go get some chicken. |
| 228 | You want some? |
| 229 | Uh, no thanks. No chicken. Bye-bye, then. |
| 230 | ( gasping ) |
| 231 | Are you okay? |
| 232 | I'm so sorry. He wouldn't leave. |
| 233 | He kept asking me if I wanted chicken. |
| 234 | Chicken? |
| 235 | I could eat some chicken. |
| 236 | Hey, Joe! |
| 237 | Yeah, could I get a three-piece |
| 238 | some coleslaw and some beans and a coke. |
| 239 | Ah-ah-ah-ah! Diet coke. |
| 240 | I don't know why they didn't just tell us. |
| 241 | I know. It's not like we weren't cool about it. |
| 242 | You... and-and you? |
| 243 | Yes, but you cannot tell anyone. |
| 244 | No one knows. |
| 245 | How? When? |
| 246 | It happened in London. |
| 247 | In London?! |
| 248 | ( stammers ) |
| 249 | The reason we didn't tell anyone |
| 250 | was because we didn't want to make a big deal out of it. |
| 251 | But it is a big deal. |
| 252 | I have to tell someone. |
| 253 | No, no, no, no. You can't. |
| 254 | Please, please. |
| 255 | We just don't want to deal |
| 256 | with telling everyone, okay? |
| 257 | Just promise you won't tell. |
| 258 | All right. |
| 259 | MONICA ( on phone ): I can't wait to be with you. |
| 260 | I'll just tell Rachel |
| 261 | I'm going to be doing laundry for a couple hours. |
| 262 | CHANDLER ( on phone): Laundry, huh, is that my new nickname? |
| 263 | MONICA: Ah, you know what your nickname is, Mr. Big... |
| 264 | ( screams ) |
| 265 | Oh, look. There's Monica and Chandler. |
| 266 | Hey! |
| 267 | Hey, you guys! Hey! |
| 268 | Oh! |
| 269 | Aah! Aah! |
| 270 | What? |
| 271 | Aah! Chandler and Monica! |
| 272 | Chandler and Monica! |
| 273 | Oh, my God. |
| 274 | Aah! Chandler and Monica! |
| 275 | Oh, my God! |
| 276 | Aah! Oh, my eyes! |
| 277 | My eyes! |
| 278 | Oh, Phoebe, Phoebe. |
| 279 | Oh! |
| 280 | Okay, it's okay! It's okay! |
| 281 | No, they're doing it! I know. |
| 282 | They're doing... I know. I know. |
| 283 | You know?! Yes, I know |
| 284 | and Joey knows, but Ross doesn't know |
| 285 | so you have to stop screaming! |
| 286 | Hey, what's going on? |
| 287 | ( screaming ) |
| 288 | What? What? Hi! Nothing. |
| 289 | Oh, God, we were just so excited |
| 290 | that you might get this apartment. |
| 291 | Actually, it looks really good. |
| 292 | It looks pretty good! |
| 293 | Get in here! |
| 294 | Come on! |
| 295 | ( all screaming and cheering) |
| 296 | Okay, so now they know you know |
| 297 | and they don't know that Rachel knows? |
| 298 | Yes. |
| 299 | But you know what? |
| 300 | It doesn't matter who knows what. |
| 301 | Now enough of us know |
| 302 | that we can just tell them we know. |
| 303 | Now all the lying and the secrets |
| 304 | will finally be over. |
| 305 | Or we could not tell them we know |
| 306 | and have a little fun of our own. |
| 307 | All right, honey, we better go |
| 308 | if we're going to catch that movie. |
| 309 | ( all saying "bye" ) |
| 310 | Bye, Chandler. |
| 311 | I miss you already. |
| 312 | Okay, did you see that |
| 313 | with the inappropriate-- and the pinching? |
| 314 | Actually, I did. |
| 315 | Okay, so now do you believe |
| 316 | that she's attracted to me? |
| 317 | Oh, my God. |
| 318 | Oh, my God, she knows about us. |
| 319 | Phoebe knows about us. |
| 320 | Well, I didn't tell them. |
| 321 | Them? Who's them? |
| 322 | Uh... Phoebe... and Joey. |
| 323 | Joey? |
| 324 | And Rachel. |
| 325 | I would've told you |
| 326 | but they made me promise not to tell. |
| 327 | Oh, man, they think they are so slick messing with us. |
| 328 | But see, they don't know |
| 329 | that we know that they know. |
| 330 | So... |
| 331 | Ah, yes... |
| 332 | the messers become the messies. |
| 333 | Oh, my God, he wants me to come over |
| 334 | and feel his bicep and more. |
| 335 | Are you kidding? |
| 336 | No. |
| 337 | I cannot believe he would do that to Mon... |
| 338 | W... |
| 339 | Joey, do they know that we know? |
| 340 | No. |
| 341 | Joey? |
| 342 | They know you know. |
| 343 | Oh, I knew it! |
| 344 | Oh, I cannot believe those two. |
| 345 | They thought that they could mess with us? |
| 346 | They're trying to mess with us? |
| 347 | Oh... |
| 348 | They don't know that we know they know we know. |
| 349 | Oh... |
| 350 | And, Joey, you can't say anything. |
| 351 | Couldn't if I wanted to. |
| 352 | Listen, this is totally getting out of hand, okay? |
| 353 | She wants me to put lotion on her. |
| 354 | She's bluffing. |
| 355 | Look, she's not backing down. |
| 356 | She went like this... |
| 357 | H-He's not backing down. |
| 358 | He went to get lotion. |
| 359 | ( door opens ) |
| 360 | Oh, man, aren't you guys done yet? |
| 361 | Joey, look, just look at it this way-- |
| 362 | the sooner Phoebe breaks Chandler |
| 363 | the sooner this is all over and out in the open. |
| 364 | Ooh, I like that. |
| 365 | Oh, okay... show him your bra. |
| 366 | He's afraid of bras-- can't work them. |
| 367 | Joey! |
| 368 | Wow, you didn't rip off any buttons. |
| 369 | It's not my first time. |
| 370 | You go back out there |
| 371 | and you seduce her till she cracks. |
| 372 | Okay, give me a second. |
| 373 | Did you clean up in here? |
| 374 | Of course. |
| 375 | Oh, you're going. |
| 376 | Um, not without you, lover. |
| 377 | So... this is my bra. |
| 378 | It's very, very nice. |
| 379 | Well, come here. |
| 380 | I'm very happy we're going to have all the sex. |
| 381 | You should be. |
| 382 | I'm very bendy. |
| 383 | I'm going to kiss you now. |
| 384 | Not if I kiss you first. |
| 385 | Well, I guess there's nothing left |
| 386 | for us to do but... but kiss. |
| 387 | Here it comes. |
| 388 | Our first kiss. |
| 389 | Okay, okay, okay, okay, fine, you win! |
| 390 | I can't have sex with you. |
| 391 | And why not? |
| 392 | Because I'm in love with Monica. |
| 393 | You're... you're what? |
| 394 | Love her. |
| 395 | That's right. I... love... her. |
| 396 | I... love... her. |
| 397 | I love you, Monica. |
| 398 | I love you, too, Chandler. |
| 399 | I just... I thought you guys were doing it. |
| 400 | I didn't know you were in love. |
| 401 | So that's it. |
| 402 | It's over. Everybody knows. |
| 403 | Well, actually, Ross doesn't. |
| 404 | Yes, and we'd appreciate it if no one told him yet. |
| 405 | No. |
| 406 | Wha-Wha... |
| 407 | What are you doing?! |
| 408 | Get off my sister! |
| 409 | You know, your friends getting married |
| 410 | it's got to change things. |
| 411 | You really think it'll be that different? |
| 412 | How could it not be? |
| 413 | I mean, pretty soon they're going to be having kids |
| 414 | and then they're just going to be hanging out |
| 415 | with other couples who have kids |
| 416 | and then maybe they're going to have to leave the city |
| 417 | to be near a Volvo dealership. |
| 418 | Well... things change. |
| 419 | But I don't want them |
| 420 | to move to a Volvo dealership. |
| 421 | It'll be okay, Joe. |
| 422 | Sorry. I just... |
| 423 | I like things the way they are. |
| 424 | Hey, who's this little naked guy? |
| 425 | Uh, that little naked guy would be me. |
| 426 | Ah, ha, look at the little thing. |
| 427 | Yes. |
| 428 | Yes, fine, that is my penis. |
| 429 | Can we be grownups now? |
| 430 | Who are those people? |
| 431 | Got me. |
| 432 | Oh, that's Nana right there in the middle. |
| 433 | Wow. |
| 434 | Yeah, let's see. |
| 435 | "Me and the gang at Java Joe's." |
| 436 | Wow, Monica, you look just like your grandmother. |
| 437 | How old was she there? |
| 438 | Let's see... "1939." |
| 439 | Uh, 24, 25. |
| 440 | Yeah. |
| 441 | Huh. |
| 442 | Looks like a fun gang. |
| 443 | Ooh, look, look, look, look, look... |
| 444 | I got Monica naked. |
| 445 | Let me see. |
| 446 | No, no, that would be me again. |
| 447 | Hey, you guys. |
| 448 | Hey. Hey. |
| 449 | What's going on? |
| 450 | Well, we were just talking |
| 451 | about you guys getting married |
| 452 | and how great it is. |
| 453 | Yeah, you could get a Volvo. |
| 454 | If that's what you really want. |
| 455 | Oh, that's so sweet. Hmm. |
| 456 | So, we both finished our vows. |
| 457 | Oh, can we read them? |
| 458 | As long as I don't hear Chandler's |
| 459 | and he doesn't hear mine. |
| 460 | Okay. Okay. |
| 461 | Oh... Oh... |
| 462 | ( laughing ) |
| 463 | Oh, that's beautiful. |
| 464 | Funny one. That's a good one. |
| 465 | Monica, will you marry me? |
| 466 | ( laughing ) |
| 467 | What? I don't get it. |
| 468 | Oh... ( laughing ) |
| 469 | Oh, man, this is hilarious. |
| 470 | Chandler! |
| 471 | Don't worry, honey, we'll make yours funnier. |
| 472 | Okay. What do you guys think? |
| 473 | Dude... |
| 474 | I have never known love like this. |
| 475 | You really like it? |
| 476 | Dude... |
| 477 | How-how did you write this? |
| 478 | I stole Monica's and changed the name. Shh. |
| 479 | You can't do that. If he goes first, he can. |
| 480 | [Captioned by The Caption Center WGBH Educational Foundation] |
| 481 | |
| 1 | Hey. Hey. Hey. |
| 2 | Hey, uh, Mon, I saw the Porsche parked out front. |
| 3 | Can I get the keys? |
| 4 | I thought I'd take that bad boy out for a little spin. |
| 5 | Wait, you let Ross drive the Porsche? |
| 6 | And when I ask, you say you're the only one |
| 7 | who's allowed to drive it. |
| 8 | Yeah, well, he's my brother. |
| 9 | And plus, he drives so slow, he could never hurt it. |
| 10 | It's a car, Monica, not a rocket ship. |
| 11 | Whatever, Ross. |
| 12 | Just replace the bulbs in the brake lights |
| 13 | after you're done. |
| 14 | Hey. |
| 15 | Hi. |
| 16 | Saw the Porsche out there, Mon. |
| 17 | Looking good. |
| 18 | When do I get to take that baby out again? |
| 19 | You let Joey drive it? |
| 20 | I've never driven it, okay? |
| 21 | Not once. |
| 22 | Okay, once. |
| 23 | Okay, I drive it all the time. |
| 24 | Nice work, everybody. |
| 25 | So much for the "you can drive it, but don't tell Rachel" plan. |
| 26 | Wow. |
| 27 | Can't believe you lied to me. |
| 28 | Okay, I can fix this. |
| 29 | Okay, Monica, Rachel thinks all you can talk about |
| 30 | is the wedding. |
| 31 | Really? |
| 32 | Well, Rachel, the reason I won't let you drive the Porsche |
| 33 | is because you're a terrible driver. |
| 34 | There, that wasn't about the wedding. |
| 35 | Look, Rach, if you want to go for a ride in the Porsche |
| 36 | I'll be glad to take you for a quick spin around the block. |
| 37 | Yeah, you got a couple hours? |
| 38 | ♪ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ♪ |
| 39 | ♪ Your job's a joke, you're broke ♪ |
| 40 | ♪ Your love life's D.O.A. ♪ |
| 41 | ♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪ |
| 42 | ♪ When it hasn't been your day, your week ♪ |
| 43 | ♪ Your month, or even your year ♪ |
| 44 | ♪ But I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 45 | ♪ 'Cause you're there for me, too. ♪ |
| 46 | Whoo! |
| 47 | That was a brisk ride. |
| 48 | Take the top down, did you? |
| 49 | Only way to fly. |
| 50 | Come on, Ross, give me the keys. |
| 51 | Monica does not know what she's talking about. |
| 52 | I'm an excellent driver. |
| 53 | You're fast and irresponsible. |
| 54 | That adds up to a bad driver. |
| 55 | Well, in high school, that added up to head cheerleader. |
| 56 | Did you see the look that girl just gave me? |
| 57 | Huh? |
| 58 | She must've seen me cruisin' in the bad boy. |
| 59 | I think she's checking out your beehive, Ross. |
| 60 | What? |
| 61 | Give me a brush. |
| 62 | Give me the keys. No way. |
| 63 | Well, no brush. Fine. |
| 64 | You know what? It doesn't matter. |
| 65 | Because, if I remember correctly |
| 66 | there is a comb on the floor of the bathroom. |
| 67 | Alimony. |
| 68 | Chandler, we still haven't gotten an RSVP from your dad. |
| 69 | Oh, right. |
| 70 | Um... maybe that's because I didn't send him an invitation. |
| 71 | Chandler, he's your father. |
| 72 | He should be at your wedding. |
| 73 | I don't even know the man, okay? |
| 74 | We're not that close. |
| 75 | I haven't seen him in years. |
| 76 | What are you going to do |
| 77 | when he finds out he wasn't asked? |
| 78 | He doesn't have to know. |
| 79 | It's not like we run in the same circles. |
| 80 | I hang out with you guys |
| 81 | and he... stars in a drag show in Vegas. |
| 82 | Ooh, I think I want to trade circles. |
| 83 | Look, trust me, you don't want him there, either, okay? |
| 84 | Nobody's going to be staring at the bride |
| 85 | when the father of the groom is wearing a backless dress. |
| 86 | So what? |
| 87 | As long as he's not wearing a white dress and a veil |
| 88 | I don't care. |
| 89 | Okay, I think I need to do some shopping. |
| 90 | Ah. |
| 91 | Ooh, nice. |
| 92 | Aah! |
| 93 | My, God! |
| 94 | What do you think you're doing? |
| 95 | Just washing the windshield. |
| 96 | Ow! |
| 97 | There is no way |
| 98 | I am letting you drive this car. |
| 99 | So why don't you just hand over the keys? |
| 100 | Oh. Hmm. |
| 101 | Wha... ah-ah-ah, do-do not start this car. |
| 102 | ( engine starts ) |
| 103 | Okay, okay. |
| 104 | I will give you 20 bucks |
| 105 | if you get out of this car right now. |
| 106 | Look, Ross, if you're so freaked out |
| 107 | just get in the car. |
| 108 | With you? Yeah, right. |
| 109 | All right. |
| 110 | Okay, okay, okay. |
| 111 | What are you doing? |
| 112 | Get in the front. |
| 113 | In the death seat?! |
| 114 | Hey, guys. |
| 115 | Hey. Hey, sweetie. |
| 116 | Ready to go? Yeah, sure. |
| 117 | Ooh, I left my purse up at Monica's. |
| 118 | I'll be right back. |
| 119 | Wait a minute. What? |
| 120 | Oh. |
| 121 | Ooh. |
| 122 | ( giggles ) |
| 123 | Ooh. |
| 124 | Whoa, that one kept going. |
| 125 | So, you and Phoebe, huh? |
| 126 | How long you been going out? |
| 127 | Over a month. Wow. |
| 128 | Maybe you and I ought to get to know each other a little better. |
| 129 | Sure, I'd like that. |
| 130 | Yeah. |
| 131 | So, uh... |
| 132 | what's your name? |
| 133 | It's Jake. |
| 134 | Joey. |
| 135 | Hey, Jake, do you like the Knicks? |
| 136 | Yeah. Big fan. Me, too. |
| 137 | There's a game on Tuesday. |
| 138 | You want to go? |
| 139 | Yeah, that'd be great. Let me make sure |
| 140 | I'm not doing anything Tuesday. |
| 141 | Here. |
| 142 | What's this? |
| 143 | It's your suitcase. |
| 144 | We're going to Las Vegas. |
| 145 | Are you serious? Mm-hmm. |
| 146 | You mean, like, eloping? |
| 147 | No more stupid wedding stuff? |
| 148 | No more "these flowers or these flowers or these flowers?" |
| 149 | Think of the money we'll save. |
| 150 | We're not eloping. I love the flowers. |
| 151 | Can our wedding be bigger, please? |
| 152 | We're going to Las Vegas to see your dad. |
| 153 | It's time you two talked |
| 154 | and I want to get to know my father-in-law. |
| 155 | We already went over this, and I won. |
| 156 | No, you didn't. |
| 157 | Oh, and, honey, just so you know |
| 158 | now that you're marrying me |
| 159 | you don't get to win anymore. |
| 160 | Look, forget it, okay? I don't want to go. |
| 161 | I don't want to see him. I don't want to. |
| 162 | Chandler, look, I know that your dad embarrassed you. |
| 163 | I know... No, no, no. |
| 164 | All kids are embarrassed by their parents. |
| 165 | You'd have to come up with a whole new word |
| 166 | for what I went through. |
| 167 | When I was in high school |
| 168 | he used to come to all of my swim meets |
| 169 | dressed as a different |
| 170 | Hollywood starlet. |
| 171 | You know, it's hard enough to be 14. |
| 172 | You're skinny, you're wearing Speedos |
| 173 | that your mom promised you would grow into. |
| 174 | And you look up into the stands, and there's your dad |
| 175 | cheering you on dressed as Carmen Miranda. |
| 176 | He's wearing a headdress with real fruit |
| 177 | that he will later hand out to your friends as a healthy snack. |
| 178 | Hey, look, the point is |
| 179 | that he was at every one of your swim meets |
| 180 | and he was there cheering you on. |
| 181 | Okay, that's a pretty great dad. |
| 182 | He had sex with Mr. Garibaldi. |
| 183 | Who's Mr. Garibaldi? |
| 184 | Does it matter? |
| 185 | Look, Chandler... |
| 186 | you're not 14 anymore, okay? |
| 187 | Maybe it's time that you let that stuff go. |
| 188 | If your father's not at your wedding |
| 189 | you're going to regret it for the rest of your life. |
| 190 | Yeah, o-okay. |
| 191 | But I'm just doing this for you. |
| 192 | Yes! |
| 193 | So I really never get to win anymore? |
| 194 | How much did you ever really win before? |
| 195 | Hey, Pheebs. |
| 196 | Hey. |
| 197 | Listen, you know how, uh |
| 198 | when you're wearing pants and you lean forward |
| 199 | I check out your underwear? |
| 200 | Yeah. |
| 201 | Well, when Jake did it, I saw that... |
| 202 | he was wearing women's underwear. |
| 203 | I know-- they were mine. |
| 204 | Oh... |
| 205 | ( chuckles ) |
| 206 | No, no, wait, that's weird. |
| 207 | No, it's not. |
| 208 | We were just goofing around |
| 209 | and I dared him to try them on. |
| 210 | That's weird. |
| 211 | I'm wearing his briefs right now. |
| 212 | That's... kind of hot. |
| 213 | I think so, too. |
| 214 | And that little flap? |
| 215 | Great for holding my lipstick. |
| 216 | Yeah, I wouldn't know about that. |
| 217 | And you know, Jake says |
| 218 | that women's underwear is actually more comfortable. |
| 219 | And he loves the way the silk feels against his skin. |
| 220 | Well, next thing you know he'll be telling you that |
| 221 | your high heels are good for his posture. |
| 222 | There is nothing wrong with Jake, okay? |
| 223 | He is all man. |
| 224 | I'm thinking even more than you. |
| 225 | Oh, yeah, he looked like a real lumberjack |
| 226 | in those pink lacies. |
| 227 | I'm just saying that only a man |
| 228 | completely secure with his masculinity |
| 229 | could walk around in women's underwear. |
| 230 | I don't think you could ever do that. |
| 231 | Hey, I am secure with my masculinity. |
| 232 | Okay, whatever. |
| 233 | You've seen my huge stack of porn, right? |
| 234 | God, I forgot how much I love driving. |
| 235 | I have got to get my license renewed. |
| 236 | You don't have a valid driver's license? |
| 237 | Okay, that is it. Pull over right now. |
| 238 | Oh, Ross, you're so tense. |
| 239 | You've just got to relax. |
| 240 | Okay? |
| 241 | Just need to relax, all right? |
| 242 | You just need to relax. |
| 243 | Wh-What are you cra... Okay, that's not funny. |
| 244 | Just stop horsing around. |
| 245 | I am not horsing around, okay? |
| 246 | I am "Porsche-ing" around. |
| 247 | ( police siren wailing ) |
| 248 | Uh-oh. |
| 249 | Okay, stay calm. |
| 250 | Nothing's going to happen to you. |
| 251 | You are not in that much trouble. |
| 252 | Really? You think so? |
| 253 | I was talking to myself. |
| 254 | You're going down. |
| 255 | Nah. |
| 256 | Has someone taken your order yet? |
| 257 | Oh, yeah, uh, she did. |
| 258 | Uh, he did. |
| 259 | She? |
| 260 | I-I'm sorry, I'm new. I don't... |
| 261 | Mm-hmm. |
| 262 | Yeah, I just ordered a beer. |
| 263 | You're straight-- I get it. |
| 264 | I still say that if we had called your dad |
| 265 | we could've gotten better seats. No, no |
| 266 | I don't want him to know we're here yet. |
| 267 | I'm not sure if I'm ready for that. |
| 268 | And besides, he's not going to be too happy to see me, either. |
| 269 | Why not? |
| 270 | Well, I don't know if I've told you this |
| 271 | but he's kind of tried to get in contact with me |
| 272 | a lot over the last few years. |
| 273 | What? |
| 274 | Yeah |
| 275 | he's made phone calls, written letters |
| 276 | even came to New York. |
| 277 | But I always said I was too busy to see him. |
| 278 | It's all very "Cat's in the Cradle." |
| 279 | I don't want to get into it. |
| 280 | Here we go. |
| 281 | ( piano plays chord ) |
| 282 | Hello, darlings. |
| 283 | And there's Daddy. |
| 284 | Okay, switch places with me. |
| 285 | Switch places with me! |
| 286 | I'll go under, you go over. |
| 287 | Yeah, I'll get right on that. |
| 288 | Come on, Ross! |
| 289 | No, hey, Rach... |
| 290 | Come on. Yeah, I'm sure |
| 291 | we won't get arrested for this. |
| 292 | Hi, Officer. Was I going a little too fast? |
| 293 | Oh, my God. |
| 294 | Can I see your license, please? |
| 295 | Oh, yes, absolutely. |
| 296 | You know, it's weird |
| 297 | but, uh, I had a dream last night |
| 298 | that I was stopped by a policeman. |
| 299 | And then, he, um, well... |
| 300 | I probably shouldn't tell you the rest. |
| 301 | Your license. |
| 302 | ( clearing throat ): Yes. Here you go. |
| 303 | Officer, uh... Handsome. |
| 304 | It's Hanson. |
| 305 | Oops, sorry. My mistake. |
| 306 | Dear Lord. |
| 307 | Wow. |
| 308 | Here it comes. |
| 309 | This is a great picture. |
| 310 | Oh! |
| 311 | Really, you think so? |
| 312 | You know, I had just rolled right out of bed. |
| 313 | Well, you look phenomenal. |
| 314 | Well, she should-- it was taken ten years ago. |
| 315 | You know what? |
| 316 | You're-you're probably, um... |
| 317 | probably wondering about the old date on there. |
| 318 | Yes, I am. |
| 319 | You're an Aquarius, huh? |
| 320 | I bet you're a Gemini. |
| 321 | Nope. Taurus? |
| 322 | Nope. |
| 323 | Virgo? |
| 324 | Nope. |
| 325 | Sagittarius? |
| 326 | Yep. I knew it! I knew it! |
| 327 | Well, I'll tell you what. Yeah? |
| 328 | You won't speed anymore? |
| 329 | I won't speed. And you promise |
| 330 | you'll take care of this? I promise. |
| 331 | In the meantime, let him drive. He have a license? |
| 332 | Yeah. |
| 333 | Can he handle a stick? |
| 334 | Uh, well... |
| 335 | I can handle a stick! |
| 336 | ♪ I feel pretty ♪ |
| 337 | ♪ Oh, so pretty ♪ |
| 338 | ♪ I feel pretty and witty and... ♪ |
| 339 | ALL: ♪ Gay! ♪ |
| 340 | Wait, that can't be your father. |
| 341 | Believe me, I've been saying that for years. |
| 342 | Oh, my God. |
| 343 | What? |
| 344 | That's Mr. Garibaldi playing the piano. |
| 345 | ♪ For I'm loved by a pretty ♪ |
| 346 | ♪ Wonderful boy. ♪ |
| 347 | ( applause and hooting ) |
| 348 | Hello, and welcome to the show. |
| 349 | I see some of our regulars in the audience. |
| 350 | And a couple of irregulars. |
| 351 | ( laughter ) |
| 352 | He's coming into the audience. |
| 353 | He's coming into the audience. |
| 354 | Relax, you'll be fine. |
| 355 | Ooh, much better. |
| 356 | You're invisible now. |
| 357 | And where are you from? |
| 358 | Bakersfield. |
| 359 | I'm sorry? |
| 360 | Bakersfield. |
| 361 | No, no, I heard. |
| 362 | I'm just sorry. |
| 363 | It can't happen like this, okay? |
| 364 | I'll meet you back at the hotel. |
| 365 | Oh, look, a standing ovation already, so early in the show. |
| 366 | Oh, turn around, darling. |
| 367 | Let me see your pretty face. |
| 368 | Can we have our drinks, please? |
| 369 | Uh, waiter... uh, -tress. |
| 370 | Hey, Pheebs. |
| 371 | Hey. |
| 372 | Check it out. |
| 373 | Huh? |
| 374 | How much of a man am I? |
| 375 | Wow, nice. |
| 376 | Manly and also kind of a slut. |
| 377 | You know, I'm beginning to see what Jake was talking about. |
| 378 | Uh-huh. |
| 379 | The silk feels really good. |
| 380 | Yeah. |
| 381 | And-and things aren't as smashed down |
| 382 | as I thought they were going to be. |
| 383 | That's great, Joe. |
| 384 | Yeah, and you have so many more choices |
| 385 | than you do with men's underwear. |
| 386 | Bikini, French cut, thong. |
| 387 | And the fabrics-- you got cotton, silk, lace. |
| 388 | And you know what I've always wondered about? |
| 389 | Pantyhose. |
| 390 | You know, the way they start at your toe |
| 391 | and then they go all the way up to... |
| 392 | I should go take these off, shouldn't I? |
| 393 | I think it's important that you do. |
| 394 | Mmm. |
| 395 | So, what's your name? |
| 396 | Chandler. |
| 397 | HELENA: Chandler. |
| 398 | What an unusual name. |
| 399 | You must've had terribly fascinating parents. |
| 400 | Oh, they're a hoot. |
| 401 | And who is your friend? |
| 402 | I'm-I'm Monica. |
| 403 | Monica. |
| 404 | Where are you from? |
| 405 | New York. |
| 406 | I'm not very fond of New York. |
| 407 | Queens, I like. |
| 408 | Ooh, what is this sparkling something, honey, huh? |
| 409 | ( ooh-ing and ah-ing ) |
| 410 | Actually, Monica and I are engaged. |
| 411 | Really? |
| 412 | Congratulations. |
| 413 | When's the big day? |
| 414 | In-in two weeks. |
| 415 | I see. |
| 416 | Well, I wish you both a lifetime of happiness. |
| 417 | So, you're bald. |
| 418 | Wait, wait. |
| 419 | We'd really love it if you could be there. |
| 420 | Really? |
| 421 | I know it would make me happy... Ma'am. |
| 422 | Then I wouldn't miss it for the world. |
| 423 | Oh, I'm getting all misty here. |
| 424 | You'd think I was having my legs waxed or something. |
| 425 | Are you okay? |
| 426 | Yeah. |
| 427 | Thanks for making me do this. |
| 428 | Before we go on with the show |
| 429 | I just want to say |
| 430 | to the bride and groom |
| 431 | how lucky they are to have found each other. |
| 432 | Into every life a little rain must fall. |
| 433 | Fortunately, in my life... |
| 434 | ♪ It's raining men ♪ |
| 435 | ♪ Hallelujah ♪ |
| 436 | ♪ It's raining men ♪ |
| 437 | ♪ Uh-huh ♪ |
| 438 | ♪ Hallelujah... ♪ |
| 439 | When I was growing up |
| 440 | I played the one on the far left. |
| 441 | ♪ It's raining men ♪ |
| 442 | ♪ Amen... ♪ |
| 443 | You know what? |
| 444 | Remind me to introduce you to someone. |
| 445 | Who? |
| 446 | Fourth gear. |
| 447 | ( siren blaring ) |
| 448 | What?! |
| 449 | What does he want? |
| 450 | I wasn't doing anything. |
| 451 | Well, maybe he saw your hand slip briefly |
| 452 | from the ten and two o'clock position. |
| 453 | Maybe it's, uh, Sergeant Sagittarius |
| 454 | coming back to flirt some more. |
| 455 | It's a different guy. |
| 456 | Good evening, Officer. |
| 457 | Do you know how fast you were traveling back there? |
| 458 | Uh, no, I don't, but it could not have been more than 60. |
| 459 | You're right. It was 37. |
| 460 | I mean, you're not going to give me a ticket |
| 461 | for driving too slow, are you? |
| 462 | That's right. |
| 463 | You know, Officer |
| 464 | I, uh, I had the weirdest dream last night. |
| 465 | Oh, my God. |
| 466 | Your license, please? |
| 467 | You don't... you don't want to hear about my dream... |
| 468 | Officer Pretty? |
| 469 | It's Petty. |
| 470 | I'll be right back with your ticket. |
| 471 | You have a son. |
| 472 | I know. I know. |
| 473 | Feel better? |
| 474 | Yeah, much. |
| 475 | Listen, uh |
| 476 | not that I'm insecure about my manhood |
| 477 | or anything, you know. |
| 478 | But, uh, I think I need to hook up with a woman, like, right now. |
| 479 | Yeah, I understand. Yeah. |
| 480 | Okay. |
| 481 | Hey. Hi. |
| 482 | Hi. |
| 483 | You look familiar. |
| 484 | Do I know you from somewhere? |
| 485 | I don't think so. |
| 486 | Oh, maybe it's because I'm on television. |
| 487 | I'm an actor on Days of Our Lives. |
| 488 | Wow. Really? |
| 489 | Mm-hmm. |
| 490 | $4.50, please. |
| 491 | Oh, let me get this. |
| 492 | These are for you. |
| 493 | |
| 1 | Do you realize this is probably |
| 2 | the last time we're all going to be here |
| 3 | in the coffee house as six single people. |
| 4 | Why, what's happening to the coffee house? |
| 5 | Oh... okay. |
| 6 | Yep, from now on it's going to be |
| 7 | the four of you guys, and me and the missus. |
| 8 | The little woman, the wife, |
| 9 | the old ball and chain. |
| 10 | Ha, old? |
| 11 | The young, hot ball and chain. |
| 12 | That's much better. |
| 13 | Oh, we got to go. Where are you guys going? |
| 14 | We're going to pick up the wedding dress, |
| 15 | then we're going to have lunch with Mom. |
| 16 | Oh... Joey, you're |
| 17 | having lunch with my mom? |
| 18 | No, I just heard "lunch." |
| 19 | But, yeah, I can go, sure. |
| 20 | You know, actually, I'm kind of glad they're leaving |
| 21 | 'cause I need to talk to you about something. |
| 22 | What's up? |
| 23 | Well, this may be a little awkward... |
| 24 | Listen, if you want to borrow money, it's kind of a bad time. |
| 25 | I'm buying dinner for 128 people tomorrow night. |
| 26 | It's not that. |
| 27 | Um, now, what I'm going to say to you |
| 28 | I'm not saying as your friend, okay? |
| 29 | I'm saying it as Monica's older brother. |
| 30 | But you're still my friend. |
| 31 | Not for the next few minutes. |
| 32 | During this time, are you still my best man? |
| 33 | Nope. |
| 34 | Do I still call you Ross? |
| 35 | Okay... |
| 36 | You guys are getting married tomorrow |
| 37 | and-and I couldn't be more thrilled for both of you. |
| 38 | But as Monica's older brother |
| 39 | I have to tell you this: |
| 40 | If you ever hurt my little sister... |
| 41 | if you ever cause her |
| 42 | any unhappiness of any kind, |
| 43 | I will hunt you down |
| 44 | and kick your ass. |
| 45 | ( laughing ) |
| 46 | What? I'm serious. |
| 47 | Hey, dude, stop it, okay? I'm not kidding, here. |
| 48 | Hey, I hear what you're saying, okay? |
| 49 | And thanks for the warning. |
| 50 | No problem. |
| 51 | So are we friends again? |
| 52 | Yeah. Okay. |
| 53 | You won't believe what Monica's older brother just said to me. |
| 54 | ♪ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ♪ |
| 55 | ♪ Your job's a joke, you're broke ♪ |
| 56 | ♪ Your love life's D.O.A. ♪ |
| 57 | ♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪ |
| 58 | ♪ When it hasn't been your day, your week ♪ |
| 59 | ♪ Your month, or even your year ♪ |
| 60 | ♪ But I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 61 | ♪ 'Cause you're there for me, too. ♪ |
| 62 | Whatcha doing, Mon? |
| 63 | I'm making a list of all the things |
| 64 | that are most likely to go wrong at the wedding. |
| 65 | That way I can be prepared. |
| 66 | What are they? Well, so far I have: |
| 67 | my bridesmaids' dresses won't get picked up, |
| 68 | my veil gets lost, |
| 69 | or I don't have my "something blue." |
| 70 | Hey, those are all the things that I'm responsible for. |
| 71 | I had to go with the odds, Rach. |
| 72 | Hey, you guys! |
| 73 | Remember that audition I had awhile ago |
| 74 | and I didn't get the part? |
| 75 | The commercial? No. |
| 76 | That play? No. |
| 77 | That other play? No. |
| 78 | The movie? |
| 79 | Yes! Ooh! |
| 80 | The one about the pilot and his dog who flies planes. |
| 81 | No, no, but, man, that one hurt. Yeah. |
| 82 | No, this is the one about the soldiers |
| 83 | who fight in World War I. |
| 84 | Oh, yeah, mm-hmm. |
| 85 | Back then, you know, we called it The Great War. |
| 86 | It really was. |
| 87 | Well, anyway, the guy they wanted backed out |
| 88 | and now they want me. |
| 89 | I start shooting today! |
| 90 | Congratulations! |
| 91 | Wait, you can't start today. |
| 92 | Today is the rehearsal dinner. |
| 93 | Oh, no, I'll be done by then. |
| 94 | Oh, well, then, way to go, you big movie star! |
| 95 | I know. All right, I'll see you guys over there. |
| 96 | I'm off to fight the Nazis. |
| 97 | Oh, wait, Joey! |
| 98 | We fought the Nazis in World War II |
| 99 | not World War I. |
| 100 | Whoa, okay. |
| 101 | Who was in World War I? |
| 102 | Go ahead. |
| 103 | You're going to be late, go, go! |
| 104 | Yeah, see you! |
| 105 | Who did we fight in World War I? |
| 106 | Mexico? Yes, very good. |
| 107 | Of course. |
| 108 | Hey, Joey, we're ready. |
| 109 | Yeah, me, too. |
| 110 | Richard, we're ready for you. |
| 111 | Joey Tribbiani. |
| 112 | This is Richard Crosby. He's playing Vincent. |
| 113 | I'm doing my scenes with you? |
| 114 | Nice to meet you, Joey. |
| 115 | Wow, I can't believe this. |
| 116 | This is incredible. |
| 117 | I mean, you just won an Oscar. |
| 118 | No, I didn't. |
| 119 | I think you did. |
| 120 | I think I lost, three times. |
| 121 | Uh, um, cookie, would you... |
| 122 | Okay, we're about an hour away |
| 123 | from getting the scene lit |
| 124 | so, uh, if you guys don't mind |
| 125 | can we run it a couple of times? |
| 126 | Yeah, sure. |
| 127 | Okay, all right, let's do it. |
| 128 | ( clearing throat ) |
| 129 | And... action! |
| 130 | We have to find the rest of the platoon. |
| 131 | Forget the platoon, the platoon is gone! |
| 132 | What? |
| 133 | The platoon is dead. |
| 134 | Face facts, Tony. |
| 135 | So what are we going to do? |
| 136 | We have no reinforcements, no food. |
| 137 | No, we still have food in the basement. |
| 138 | I saw potatoes and some dry pasta. |
| 139 | Hang on a minute. |
| 140 | Joey, you keep touching your face. |
| 141 | Is something wrong? |
| 142 | No, no... |
| 143 | I, uh, I thought it might be |
| 144 | kind of a cool character thing, you know? |
| 145 | He's a-- he's a face-toucher. |
| 146 | ( no audio ) |
| 147 | I don't think so. |
| 148 | Let's take it back to Richard's last line. |
| 149 | Action! |
| 150 | We may not have any weapons |
| 151 | but we still have food in the basement. |
| 152 | I saw potatoes and some dry pasta |
| 153 | and a few tins of tuna. |
| 154 | Honey, we got to go! |
| 155 | Okay, here's a question |
| 156 | you never want to have to ask. |
| 157 | My dad just called and wanted to know |
| 158 | if he could borrow one of your pearl necklaces. |
| 159 | Did he say what kind of neckline he'd be wearing? |
| 160 | No. |
| 161 | Well, I've only met him once |
| 162 | but I'm guessing "plunging." |
| 163 | Yeah, he is more of a "if you got it, flaunt it" |
| 164 | kind of... father. |
| 165 | I don't have anything like that |
| 166 | but let me go see if Rachel does. |
| 167 | Yes, include more people in this. |
| 168 | Hey, do you realize that at this time tomorrow |
| 169 | we're going to be getting married? |
| 170 | Wait a minute, I have a date tomorrow night. |
| 171 | I just, I can't believe that we made it. |
| 172 | Well, you don't have to sound so surprised. |
| 173 | I'm sorry, but... |
| 174 | Nothing. |
| 175 | What? |
| 176 | Well, honestly |
| 177 | ever since we got engaged, I've been waiting |
| 178 | for something to flip you out. |
| 179 | Honestly... me, too. |
| 180 | Really? |
| 181 | Yeah, you know, I keep thinking |
| 182 | that something stupid is going to come up |
| 183 | and I'll go all... well, Chandler. |
| 184 | But nothing has. |
| 185 | Oh, I'm so glad. |
| 186 | Thank you so much for staying so calm during this. |
| 187 | I mean, it's really, it's made me stay calm. |
| 188 | I could have been worse. |
| 189 | Okay. |
| 190 | I'll be right there. |
| 191 | ( phone ringing ) |
| 192 | MONICA: Hi, if you're calling before Saturday |
| 193 | you've reached Monica and Chandler. |
| 194 | But if you're calling after Saturday |
| 195 | you've reached Mr. and Mrs. Bing! |
| 196 | Please leave a message for the Bings! |
| 197 | Hey, Maureen, hi! |
| 198 | Gosh, Chandler, this is my cousin Maureen. |
| 199 | We're the Bings. |
| 200 | Hi, oh, you guys look so beautiful. |
| 201 | Mr. and Mrs. Bing. |
| 202 | Wow, Monica... |
| 203 | Hey, just so you know |
| 204 | I had my "older brother talk" with Chandler. |
| 205 | What is that? |
| 206 | Well, I told him that if he ever hurt you |
| 207 | I would hunt him down and kick his ass. |
| 208 | ( laughter ) |
| 209 | What, what is the matter with everybody? |
| 210 | I'm serious, I would kick his ass. |
| 211 | ( screaming laughter ) |
| 212 | Oh, Ross, please, my makeup! |
| 213 | Hi... Chandler! |
| 214 | ...Mom. |
| 215 | Thanks for wearing... something. |
| 216 | Oh, honey, this is so exciting. |
| 217 | I thought we'd screwed you up so bad |
| 218 | this day would never come. |
| 219 | And just think-- |
| 220 | soon there'll be lots of little Bings. |
| 221 | I can't believe I have to go back to work after this |
| 222 | and get spit on again. |
| 223 | Well, you're lucky. |
| 224 | At least the people that spit on you are famous. |
| 225 | Who spits on you? |
| 226 | I don't want to talk about work. |
| 227 | Mrs. Bing, these are my parents |
| 228 | Judy and Jack Geller. |
| 229 | It's lovely to meet you. |
| 230 | So, are you his mother or his father? |
| 231 | Jack! |
| 232 | What, I've never seen one before. |
| 233 | Dad, there's Ross. Why don't you go talk to him? |
| 234 | I didn't even have a chance to act as though I'm okay with it. |
| 235 | Hello, all. |
| 236 | Hi, Dad. |
| 237 | Hi, Mr. Bing. |
| 238 | Nora. |
| 239 | Charles. |
| 240 | It's so great to see you both here. |
| 241 | Yes. |
| 242 | Although I think we may be seeing |
| 243 | a little too much of some people. |
| 244 | Aren't you a little old to be wearing a dress like that? |
| 245 | Don't you have a little too much penis |
| 246 | to be wearing a dress like that? |
| 247 | Oh, my God. |
| 248 | Of course you can kick his ass, son. |
| 249 | You could kick anyone's ass you want to. |
| 250 | Thanks, you guys. |
| 251 | Oh, Rach, Rach... |
| 252 | Hey, could you do me a favor |
| 253 | and would you talk to Chandler's dad |
| 254 | and try to keep him away from Chandler's mom? |
| 255 | Yeah, but I don't know what he looks like. |
| 256 | He is the man in the black dress. |
| 257 | Man in the black... |
| 258 | Oh... |
| 259 | Hi, I'm Rachel. |
| 260 | I'm a friend of Monica and Chandler's. |
| 261 | I'm Amanda. |
| 262 | Oh, I get it. |
| 263 | A-man-duh! |
| 264 | ( laughing ) |
| 265 | ( clinking glass ) |
| 266 | Could I have everyone's attention, please? |
| 267 | Uh, I'm, uh, I'm Ross Geller. |
| 268 | Dr. Ross Geller! |
| 269 | Dad, please. |
| 270 | As I was saying, |
| 271 | I'm Dr. Ross Geller |
| 272 | uh, and I'm the best man |
| 273 | and this marriage |
| 274 | is doubly special for me |
| 275 | because not only is the groom my best friend |
| 276 | but the bride |
| 277 | is my little sister... |
| 278 | and she's the greatest sister a guy could ask for. |
| 279 | So if you'd all please join me in raising a glass |
| 280 | to the couple we're here to celebrate... |
| 281 | To the Bings. |
| 282 | ALL: To the Bings! |
| 283 | I'm going to go steam my wedding dress, okay? |
| 284 | Who wants the responsibility of making sure |
| 285 | nothing happens to it? |
| 286 | I'll do it. |
| 287 | Who wants it? Anybody? |
| 288 | I said I'll do it. |
| 289 | Nobody wants to do it? |
| 290 | All right, I'll do it myself. |
| 291 | Monica, I'm not going to screw it up. |
| 292 | You know what? You're right, I'm sorry. |
| 293 | Actually, you were a big help tonight. |
| 294 | Yeah, and thanks for putting my grandmother in the cab |
| 295 | and making sure she got to the hotel safely. |
| 296 | Well, of course, that is what I'm here for. |
| 297 | Okay, sorry. |
| 298 | Oh... |
| 299 | What grandmother? |
| 300 | Hey, where have you been? |
| 301 | Taking my parents back to the hotel. |
| 302 | Are you going back to work? |
| 303 | Yeah. |
| 304 | Nice shades. |
| 305 | Thanks, I figure if I wear these in my scenes |
| 306 | at least I won't get spit in my eyes, you know? |
| 307 | And, if I remember correctly |
| 308 | Ray-Ban was the official sponsor of World War I. |
| 309 | Great! |
| 310 | All right. |
| 311 | I'll see you later. All right. |
| 312 | Hey, where's Chandler? |
| 313 | I think he's in Rachel's room. See you. |
| 314 | Chandler. |
| 315 | Chandler? |
| 316 | ( knocking ) |
| 317 | Hey, is, uh... is Monica here? |
| 318 | She's steaming her dress. |
| 319 | Why, what's up? |
| 320 | I think Chandler's gone. |
| 321 | What? |
| 322 | He left that. |
| 323 | "Tell Monica I'm sorry." |
| 324 | Oh, my God. |
| 325 | What's up? |
| 326 | "Tell Monica I'm sorry." |
| 327 | Tell her yourself. |
| 328 | Oh, my God. |
| 329 | Chandler just left though? |
| 330 | Yeah, but maybe it's not what we think. |
| 331 | Maybe it's... "Tell Monica I'm sorry... |
| 332 | I drank the last of the milk." |
| 333 | Or maybe he was writing to tell her that... |
| 334 | that he's changed his name, you know. |
| 335 | "Tell Monica I'm Sorry." |
| 336 | I think it means he freaked out and left. |
| 337 | Don't be so negative. |
| 338 | Good God, isn't it possible |
| 339 | that Sorry is sitting in there right now? |
| 340 | Okay, Phoebe... |
| 341 | I think Ross is right. |
| 342 | What are we going to do? |
| 343 | Look, okay, I'm just going to... |
| 344 | I'm going to have to go find him |
| 345 | and bring him back, okay? |
| 346 | You make sure Monica does not find out, okay? |
| 347 | Okay, but if you don't find him and bring him back |
| 348 | I am going to hunt you down |
| 349 | and kick your ass. |
| 350 | I will... I will find him. |
| 351 | Joey, can you go through these lines with me? |
| 352 | Oh, man, they just redid my makeup. |
| 353 | Just the last two pages. |
| 354 | All right. |
| 355 | I found the picture. |
| 356 | The picture? What picture? |
| 357 | The picture of my wife I found in your pack. |
| 358 | Could you, uh... could you lower the script? |
| 359 | I don't want to. |
| 360 | I need to see your face so I can play off your reaction. |
| 361 | Okay, look, um... |
| 362 | I know you're this great actor |
| 363 | and you play all those Shakespeare guys and stuff |
| 364 | but you're spitting all over me, man. |
| 365 | Well, of course I am. |
| 366 | You know you've been spitting on me? |
| 367 | That's what real actors do. |
| 368 | Enunciation is the mark of a good actor. |
| 369 | And when you enunciate... you spit. |
| 370 | Wow. Didn't know that. |
| 371 | Thanks. |
| 372 | Okay, okay, check it out. |
| 373 | Picture? What picture? |
| 374 | ( spits ) |
| 375 | Huh? |
| 376 | Gunther, have you, uh, have you seen Chandler? |
| 377 | No, no, I haven't seen him. |
| 378 | Oh, damn. |
| 379 | He's getting married tomorrow, right? |
| 380 | Yes, yes. Don't worry, everything's fine. |
| 381 | We'll see you tomorrow at the wedding. |
| 382 | I wasn't invited. |
| 383 | Well, then, we'll see you the day after tomorrow. |
| 384 | Mom? Dad? |
| 385 | Wha-what are you guys doing here? |
| 386 | Well, you kids talk about this place so much |
| 387 | we thought we'd see what the fuss is all about. |
| 388 | I certainly see why the girls like coming here. |
| 389 | Why? |
| 390 | The sexy blonde behind the counter. |
| 391 | Gunther? |
| 392 | Your mother just added him to her list. |
| 393 | What? Your list? |
| 394 | Yeah, the list of people we're allowed to sleep... |
| 395 | No, no, I know, I know what the list is. |
| 396 | Come on, sit down, have a cup of joe. |
| 397 | Dad, I can't. I'm sorry. |
| 398 | Look, if you see Chandler |
| 399 | could you just let him know that I'm looking for him? |
| 400 | And if you see Rita Moreno |
| 401 | let her know I'm looking for her. |
| 402 | MAN: Action. |
| 403 | I found the picture. |
| 404 | What picture? |
| 405 | The picture of my wife |
| 406 | in your pack. |
| 407 | You went through my personal property? |
| 408 | Why do you have a picture of Paulette in your pack? |
| 409 | Because, Vincent, we were lovers... |
| 410 | for two years. |
| 411 | Cut. Wonderful. |
| 412 | Great scene, huh? |
| 413 | You were awesome, man. And that last speech, |
| 414 | you soaked me. |
| 415 | Thanks a lot. |
| 416 | Here's your call sheet for tomorrow. |
| 417 | Oh, I'm not working tomorrow. |
| 418 | You are now. |
| 419 | Oh, no, I can't. You got to get me out of it. |
| 420 | I have plans, important plans. |
| 421 | Ross said there's still no word from Chandler. |
| 422 | Oh, man. |
| 423 | Oh, but he did say that they found |
| 424 | the grandmother wandering down Fifth Avenue. |
| 425 | Okay, well, there's one down. |
| 426 | I'm getting married today...! |
| 427 | Think I just cracked a rib. |
| 428 | But I don't care because today's my wedding day! |
| 429 | My day is finally here! |
| 430 | You know, she might not even notice he's gone. |
| 431 | I'm going to start getting ready! |
| 432 | We can't let her start getting ready. |
| 433 | This is too awful. |
| 434 | Shh. |
| 435 | Oh, God, but wait, she'll be in the gown, |
| 436 | and then he won't show up, and then she's going to have |
| 437 | to take off the gown, and it's just... |
| 438 | Stop it, stop it, Rachel. You can't do this here. |
| 439 | I'm sorry, I'm sorry. |
| 440 | It's just... it's just so sad. |
| 441 | You've got to pull yourself together. |
| 442 | Monica can't see you like this. |
| 443 | Then she'll know something's wrong. |
| 444 | I know, I know. |
| 445 | There's no tissue. |
| 446 | Can you grab me some toilet paper? |
| 447 | Oh, that's gone, too. |
| 448 | This is Monica's bathroom, right? |
| 449 | Oh, I found one. |
| 450 | Okay. |
| 451 | Oh, thank you. |
| 452 | Oh, God. |
| 453 | Can I have another one? |
| 454 | Sure. |
| 455 | Do you need some floss? |
| 456 | Oh, God, I just cannot imagine |
| 457 | what is going to happen if Chandler doesn't show up. |
| 458 | Oh, here's a whole bunch. |
| 459 | I mean, she's going to be at the wedding |
| 460 | waiting for him |
| 461 | and people will be whispering, |
| 462 | "Oh, that poor girl." |
| 463 | You know, and then she'll have to come back here |
| 464 | and live all alone. |
| 465 | Oh, my God. |
| 466 | What? |
| 467 | There was a pregnancy test in the garbage |
| 468 | and it's positive. |
| 469 | Monica's pregnant. |
| 470 | So I guess she won't be totally alone. |
| 471 | Next time on Friends... |
| 472 | We've got to tell her that he's gone. |
| 473 | No! Hey, hey, we can't! |
| 474 | She's going to start getting ready soon. |
| 475 | Can't you at least stall her a little? |
| 476 | I'm never gonna get married! |
| 477 | We've just got one short scene |
| 478 | it's just you and Richard |
| 479 | and, God knows, he's a pro. |
| 480 | Are you drunk? |
| 481 | No! |
| 482 | Yes, you are. |
| 483 | All right. |
| 484 | Hey, how's Chandler doing? Great. |
| 485 | Where are you? I'm still on the set. |
| 486 | This is turning into the worst wedding day ever. |
| 487 | |
| 1 | Oh, my God. |
| 2 | I know. |
| 3 | Monica's going to have a baby. |
| 4 | Hey, can this count as her "something new"? |
| 5 | Oh, my God. |
| 6 | Hey, do you think this is why Chandler took off? |
| 7 | No, she had to have just taken that test |
| 8 | because I took out the trash last night. |
| 9 | Oh, God, this is turning into the worst wedding day ever. |
| 10 | The bride is pregnant, the groom is missing |
| 11 | and I'm still holding this. |
| 12 | Okay, Phoebe, we cannot tell anyone about this. |
| 13 | Okay? Right. Yeah, okay. |
| 14 | Hey, wait. |
| 15 | Do you know what kind of birth control she was using? |
| 16 | No. Why? |
| 17 | Just for the future. |
| 18 | This is hardly a commercial for it. |
| 19 | ♪ I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 20 | ♪ Like I've been there before ♪ |
| 21 | ♪ I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 22 | ♪ 'Cause you're there for me, too. ♪ |
| 23 | Anything? |
| 24 | No. I talked to Joey on the set. |
| 25 | He hasn't heard from him. |
| 26 | I talked to Chandler's parents again. |
| 27 | You told them he was missing? |
| 28 | No. I made it seem like I was just calling to chat. |
| 29 | I'm pretty sure they both think |
| 30 | I'm interested in them. |
| 31 | All right, we've got to tell her that he's gone. |
| 32 | No, hey, hey, we can't. |
| 33 | She's going to start getting ready soon. |
| 34 | Can't you at least stall her a little? |
| 35 | I'll go back to some of the places I went last night. |
| 36 | Well, how much time do you need? |
| 37 | How much time before |
| 38 | she absolutely has to start getting ready? |
| 39 | One hour. |
| 40 | Give me two. |
| 41 | Then why do you ask? |
| 42 | Okay, wish me luck. |
| 43 | Okay. I'm going with you. |
| 44 | Why? |
| 45 | Ross, you're tired. |
| 46 | You've been looking all night |
| 47 | and clearly, you suck at this. |
| 48 | I'll see you guys later. |
| 49 | Do you know how you're going to stall her? |
| 50 | I'll figure something out. |
| 51 | All right, good luck. |
| 52 | Hey. |
| 53 | Okay, so I thought we'd start |
| 54 | with my makeup and then do my hair. |
| 55 | Okay, uh, but before you do that |
| 56 | I-I need you to talk to me. |
| 57 | About what? |
| 58 | Um... |
| 59 | ( voice breaking ): I'm never going to get married. |
| 60 | Yeah, you will. |
| 61 | The right guy's just around the corner. |
| 62 | Okay, are we done with that? |
| 63 | No, Monica, I'm serious. |
| 64 | Oh, maybe I should just forget about it. |
| 65 | Become a lesbian or something. |
| 66 | Any woman would be lucky to have you. |
| 67 | Well, maybe it would make me feel better |
| 68 | if I slept with Joey. |
| 69 | Rachel, are you okay? |
| 70 | Excuse me, Aaron? |
| 71 | Hi. Um... |
| 72 | I have a little problem with the schedule. |
| 73 | See, originally, I wasn't supposed to work today |
| 74 | and I have this wedding that I really have to be at. |
| 75 | It's my best friend's and I'm officiating |
| 76 | so I really can't work past 4:00. |
| 77 | Joey, you've got to stay until the end. |
| 78 | We can't stop filming just for you. |
| 79 | It's not like it's your wedding. |
| 80 | I'm having surgery. |
| 81 | What? |
| 82 | Yeah, I just made up the stuff about the wedding |
| 83 | because I didn't want you to worry about me. |
| 84 | But I'm having surgery today. |
| 85 | What kind of surgery? |
| 86 | Transplant. |
| 87 | But you're supposed to work on Monday. |
| 88 | Hair transplant. |
| 89 | But you're not bald. |
| 90 | It's not on my head. |
| 91 | Look, Joey, there's nothing I can do. |
| 92 | Besides, you're probably going to be out by 4:00 anyway. |
| 93 | We've just got one short scene. |
| 94 | It's just you and Richard |
| 95 | and God knows he's a pro. |
| 96 | You'll be fine. |
| 97 | Morning, Richard. |
| 98 | Hey, you're here. |
| 99 | Great, great, great. |
| 100 | Let's get going, buddy. |
| 101 | We've got a scene to shoot. |
| 102 | I'm wearing two belts. |
| 103 | Are you drunk? |
| 104 | No. |
| 105 | Yes, you are. |
| 106 | All right. |
| 107 | So this is your office. |
| 108 | How did you guys find me? |
| 109 | I knew I should have hid at the gym. |
| 110 | What the hell are you doing? |
| 111 | Panicking... |
| 112 | and using the Internet to try to prove |
| 113 | that I'm related to Monica. |
| 114 | How is she? |
| 115 | ROSS: She's fine. |
| 116 | She doesn't know you're gone. |
| 117 | And she doesn't have to know, okay? |
| 118 | Now come on, we're going home. |
| 119 | No, no, I can't do that. |
| 120 | Why not? |
| 121 | Because if I go home |
| 122 | we're going to become the Bings. |
| 123 | I can't be the Bings. |
| 124 | What's wrong with being the Bings? |
| 125 | The Bings have horrible marriages. |
| 126 | They yell, they fight |
| 127 | and they use the pool boy as a pawn in their sexual games. |
| 128 | Chandler, have you ever put on a black cocktail dress |
| 129 | and asked me up to your hotel room? |
| 130 | No. |
| 131 | Then you are neither of your parents. |
| 132 | It's not just their marriage. |
| 133 | I mean, look at yours. |
| 134 | Look at everybody's. |
| 135 | The only person that can make marriage work |
| 136 | is Paul Newman. |
| 137 | And I have met me-- I am no Paul Newman. |
| 138 | I don't race cars, I don't make popcorn. |
| 139 | None of my proceeds go to charity. |
| 140 | But look, Chandler |
| 141 | right now, no one has a lower opinion |
| 142 | of you than I do. |
| 143 | But I totally believe you can do this. |
| 144 | I want to. |
| 145 | I love her so much. |
| 146 | But I'm afra... |
| 147 | This is too huge. |
| 148 | You know, okay, you're right |
| 149 | it is huge. |
| 150 | So why don't we take it just a little bit at a time. |
| 151 | Okay, forget getting married for a second. |
| 152 | Just forget about it. |
| 153 | Can you just come home and take a shower? |
| 154 | That's not scary, right? |
| 155 | Depends on what you mean by "we." |
| 156 | Okay. |
| 157 | The nights are the hardest. |
| 158 | But then the day comes |
| 159 | and that's every bit as hard as the night. |
| 160 | And then the night comes again. |
| 161 | The days and nights are hard, I get it, okay? |
| 162 | Look, Rachel, I'm sorry. |
| 163 | I have to start getting ready. |
| 164 | I'm getting married today. |
| 165 | I know. |
| 166 | At dusk. |
| 167 | That's such a hard time for me. |
| 168 | Okay. |
| 169 | I'm going to go put my makeup on. |
| 170 | We have to be at the hotel in an hour. |
| 171 | Okay. Wait. |
| 172 | What? |
| 173 | Let's go to lunch. |
| 174 | I can't go to lunch! |
| 175 | Right. |
| 176 | Oh, good God, I've fallen down! |
| 177 | What's going on? |
| 178 | Okay. |
| 179 | All right, honey, listen. |
| 180 | When I tell you what I'm about to tell you |
| 181 | I need you to remember that we are all here for you |
| 182 | and that we love you. |
| 183 | Okay, you're really freaking me out. |
| 184 | We can't find Chandler. |
| 185 | ...s vest. |
| 186 | We can't find Chandler's vest. |
| 187 | How can that be? |
| 188 | Wait, are you serious? |
| 189 | Found the vest. |
| 190 | I mean, we're going to have to keep an eye on it. |
| 191 | You know, make sure we don't lose it again. |
| 192 | Oh. |
| 193 | Oh, well, okay. |
| 194 | Don't scare me like that, okay? |
| 195 | I mean, for a minute there |
| 196 | I was like, Oh, my God, the worst has happened. |
| 197 | Oh, whoo! |
| 198 | So-so, you two were married, huh? |
| 199 | What happened, you just drift apart? |
| 200 | Here comes the bride. |
| 201 | Oh. |
| 202 | ( gasps ) |
| 203 | Oh, my God, Monica! |
| 204 | ( gasping ) |
| 205 | I want to wear this every day. |
| 206 | You look so beautiful. |
| 207 | I'm so happy for me. |
| 208 | ( phone rings ) |
| 209 | Hello. |
| 210 | Hey. Did Chandler show up yet? |
| 211 | Yeah. We got him back; everything's fine. |
| 212 | Damn it! |
| 213 | What? Why? Where are you? |
| 214 | I'm still on the set. |
| 215 | Joey, the wedding is in less than an hour. |
| 216 | I know. I'm sorry. |
| 217 | The guy's drunk. |
| 218 | They won't let me go until we get this. |
| 219 | Oh, my God. |
| 220 | I'm going to have to find another minister. |
| 221 | No! No, I'm the minister. |
| 222 | All right, look, look, put them both on the phone. |
| 223 | I'll marry them right now. |
| 224 | Oh! Joey, I have to go. |
| 225 | Hey, don't you hang up on me. |
| 226 | I'll marry you and me right now-- I have the power. |
| 227 | There you go. |
| 228 | You put on a tuxedo. |
| 229 | Now, that wasn't so scary, was it? |
| 230 | No. |
| 231 | I'm telling you, just a little bit at a time. |
| 232 | Yeah, okay, wh-what's the next little bit? |
| 233 | Getting married. |
| 234 | ( gasps ) |
| 235 | Okay, okay, but you can... |
| 236 | you can do that, too. |
| 237 | just like you've done everything else. |
| 238 | Yeah, you're right. |
| 239 | I... I-I can do that. |
| 240 | Yeah. |
| 241 | Okay, excuse me for a minute. |
| 242 | Where... where are you going? |
| 243 | Ross, I'm not going to run away again. |
| 244 | I just want to get a little fresh air. |
| 245 | Okay. Okay. |
| 246 | Oh, fresh air. |
| 247 | RACHEL: Okay, Phoebe, you're going to have to cover for me. |
| 248 | PHOEBE: Wait. Maybe, maybe you're overreacting. |
| 249 | You do that, you know? |
| 250 | Oh. Well, Phoebe, we got to do something. |
| 251 | You know? I mean, there's no way |
| 252 | Joey's going to make it in time |
| 253 | so I'm going to go through the hotel |
| 254 | and see if there's any other weddings going on. |
| 255 | Okay. Oh, but don't tell them Monica's pregnant |
| 256 | 'cause they frown on that. |
| 257 | Okay. |
| 258 | Okay. |
| 259 | "Anastassakis Papasifakis wedding." |
| 260 | Excellent. |
| 261 | Congratulations. |
| 262 | Mazel tov. |
| 263 | Hi. Oh, great hat. |
| 264 | Come here. |
| 265 | Listen, I need you to perform another wedding. |
| 266 | Can you do that? |
| 267 | I don't know. |
| 268 | Are they Greek Orthodox? |
| 269 | Yeah, yeah, they're... |
| 270 | They're my friends, uh, Monica Stephanopolous |
| 271 | and, uh... and Chandler... Acidophilus. |
| 272 | Hi. |
| 273 | Hi. |
| 274 | Hi. |
| 275 | Has, um, anyone seen Chandler? |
| 276 | I thought he was with you. |
| 277 | He was with me. |
| 278 | Um, we're playing a little game; you know, hide-and-seek. |
| 279 | You can't ask us, son. |
| 280 | That's cheating. |
| 281 | You're right. |
| 282 | Thanks for keeping me honest, Dad. |
| 283 | Well, he better not come by here. |
| 284 | He can't see the bride in her wedding dress. |
| 285 | As I recall, when we got married |
| 286 | I saw the groom in the wedding dress. |
| 287 | That was after the wedding. |
| 288 | It's not bad luck then. |
| 289 | Honey, it isn't good luck. |
| 290 | Oh, my God! |
| 291 | Monica! |
| 292 | I know. |
| 293 | Hey, how's Chandler doing? |
| 294 | Great. |
| 295 | He's doing great. |
| 296 | Don't you worry about Chandler. |
| 297 | Uh, Phoebe, can I see you for a second? |
| 298 | Yeah. |
| 299 | What's going on? |
| 300 | Chandler's gone again. |
| 301 | Oh, my God! |
| 302 | Why would you play hide-and-seek with someone |
| 303 | you know is a flight risk? |
| 304 | Aaron, you got to let me go. |
| 305 | The guy's hammered. |
| 306 | I'm sorry, Joey. |
| 307 | As long as he's here and he's conscious |
| 308 | we're still shooting. |
| 309 | You wouldn't happen to have a very big fork? |
| 310 | So I, uh, I just talked to the director. |
| 311 | That's it. |
| 312 | We're done for the day. |
| 313 | Have we finished the scene? |
| 314 | Yeah, you were wonderful. |
| 315 | As were you. |
| 316 | So I got your car. |
| 317 | It's right outside. |
| 318 | Thank you. You're welcome. |
| 319 | No, no, no, we got to go. |
| 320 | Come on. |
| 321 | Here we go. |
| 322 | Is that my ass? |
| 323 | There he is! |
| 324 | What? |
| 325 | Hey, no! |
| 326 | You're not getting away this time, mister |
| 327 | unless you want that ass-kicking we talked about! |
| 328 | Ross! |
| 329 | Hi-ya! |
| 330 | I'm serious. |
| 331 | You're not walking out on my sister. |
| 332 | That's right; I'm not. |
| 333 | Then where the hell have you been? |
| 334 | I know about Monica. |
| 335 | You know? |
| 336 | What? |
| 337 | I heard you and Rachel talking. |
| 338 | What, what, talking about what? |
| 339 | You don't know? |
| 340 | If someone doesn't tell me what's going on right now... |
| 341 | What, you'll "hi-ya"? |
| 342 | Monica's pregnant. |
| 343 | Oh, my God. |
| 344 | Oh, my God! |
| 345 | And you're not... you're not freaking out? |
| 346 | Well, I was. |
| 347 | Then I went down to the gift shop |
| 348 | 'cause I was out of cigarettes. |
| 349 | Cigarettes?! |
| 350 | Big picture, please. |
| 351 | So when I was in the gift shop |
| 352 | that's when I, uh... |
| 353 | saw this. |
| 354 | And I thought |
| 355 | anything that can fit into this can't be scary. |
| 356 | You obviously didn't see Chucky III. |
| 357 | No, but come on. |
| 358 | Look how cute and small this is. |
| 359 | So I got it to give Monica so she'd... know I was okay. |
| 360 | Dude. |
| 361 | Way to go, son. |
| 362 | I knew you'd find him. |
| 363 | Our little boy is getting married. |
| 364 | Oh, look at you. |
| 365 | So handsome. |
| 366 | You look beautiful, Mom. |
| 367 | ( clears throat ) |
| 368 | You look beautiful, too, Dad. |
| 369 | I love you both. |
| 370 | I'm so glad you're here. |
| 371 | Are you Chandler? |
| 372 | Are you Joey? |
| 373 | Huh, this is nice. |
| 374 | What? |
| 375 | I've never walked down the aisle knowing it can't end in divorce. |
| 376 | ( sighs ) |
| 377 | I wish your grandmother had lived to see this. |
| 378 | She's right there. |
| 379 | Not that old crone. |
| 380 | My mother. |
| 381 | Congratulations, darling. |
| 382 | We love you, sweetheart. |
| 383 | You look beautiful. |
| 384 | Is this new? |
| 385 | Not now. |
| 386 | Okay. |
| 387 | Who is this? |
| 388 | I am Father Karamessos. |
| 389 | He's Greek Orthodox. |
| 390 | As are you. |
| 391 | Let us begin. |
| 392 | Dearly beloved... |
| 393 | That's my line. |
| 394 | I can take it from here, thanks. |
| 395 | Dearly beloved, I'm sorry I'm a little late. |
| 396 | You may be confused by this now |
| 397 | but you won't be Memorial Day weekend, 2002. |
| 398 | Well, let's get started before the groom takes off again, huh? |
| 399 | We are gathered here today |
| 400 | to join this man and this woman in the bonds of holy matrimony. |
| 401 | I've known Monica and Chandler for a long time |
| 402 | and I cannot imagine two people more perfect for each other. |
| 403 | And now... |
| 404 | as I've left my notes in my dressing room |
| 405 | we shall proceed to the vows. |
| 406 | Monica. |
| 407 | He took off? |
| 408 | Go on, go on. |
| 409 | Chandler, for so long, I... |
| 410 | I wondered if I would ever find my prince. |
| 411 | My soul mate. |
| 412 | Then three years ago, at another wedding |
| 413 | I turned to a friend for comfort |
| 414 | and instead |
| 415 | I found everything that I'd ever been looking for |
| 416 | my whole life. |
| 417 | And now, here we are, with our future before us... |
| 418 | and I only want to spend it with you. |
| 419 | My prince, my soul mate, my friend. |
| 420 | Unless you don't want to. |
| 421 | You go. |
| 422 | Chandler. |
| 423 | Uh, that's okay. |
| 424 | Monica, I thought this was going to be |
| 425 | the most difficult thing I ever had to do. |
| 426 | But when I saw you walking down that aisle |
| 427 | I realized how simple it was. |
| 428 | I love you. |
| 429 | Any surprises that come our way |
| 430 | it's okay, because I will always love you. |
| 431 | You are the person |
| 432 | I was meant to spend the rest of my life with. |
| 433 | You want to know if I'm sure? |
| 434 | You may now kiss the bride. |
| 435 | So... |
| 436 | I guess by the powers vested in me |
| 437 | by the state of New York and the Internet guys... |
| 438 | I now pronounce you husband and wife. |
| 439 | Oh, wait. |
| 440 | Do you take each other? |
| 441 | I do. |
| 442 | I do. |
| 443 | Yeah, you do. |
| 444 | Rings. |
| 445 | Oh, crap. Okay, um... |
| 446 | Let's do the rings. |
| 447 | We good? |
| 448 | Okay. |
| 449 | Once again, I pronounce you husband and wife. |
| 450 | Kiss her again. |
| 451 | I love you. |
| 452 | And I know about the baby. |
| 453 | What baby? |
| 454 | Our baby. |
| 455 | We have a baby? |
| 456 | Phoebe found your pregnancy test in the trash. |
| 457 | I didn't take a pregnancy test. |
| 458 | Then who did? |
| 459 | Look at them. |
| 460 | Oh, and they're going to have a baby. |
| 461 | Uh-huh. |
| 462 | |
| 1 | Great. |
| 2 | Great. Just give me a sec to change film. |
| 3 | I know I'm not supposed to know |
| 4 | but I do. |
| 5 | I'm so excited for you. |
| 6 | What's going on? |
| 7 | Monica's pregnant! |
| 8 | Oh, my God. |
| 9 | Is that why you guys had to get married? |
| 10 | Guys, I'm not pregnant. |
| 11 | Oh. Slow swimmers? |
| 12 | What? What do you mean? |
| 13 | You're not pregnant? |
| 14 | You didn't tell anybody I was, did you? |
| 15 | No. I'll be right back. |
| 16 | Now, why don't we get a shot |
| 17 | of just Monica and the bloody soldier? |
| 18 | About that, Joey, you have to change before the party. |
| 19 | I can't. I don't have any other clothes here. |
| 20 | Find some, please? |
| 21 | Anything that doesn't say, "I died tragically in France." |
| 22 | Then why don't we see the bride |
| 23 | and the groom and the bridesmaids? |
| 24 | Okay. |
| 25 | Hey, Mon, why'd you tell the guys |
| 26 | that you weren't pregnant? |
| 27 | Because I'm not. |
| 28 | We found your test in the trash. |
| 29 | If you're not pregnant... |
| 30 | ...it's because I am. |
| 31 | What are you talking about? |
| 32 | What are you talking about? |
| 33 | Yes, I am... |
| 34 | I am with child. |
| 35 | And I didn't want to say anything |
| 36 | because it's your day. |
| 37 | I didn't want to steal your thunder. |
| 38 | Wait a minute. |
| 39 | So you told people I was pregnant? |
| 40 | Does this look like a conversation |
| 41 | I want to remember? |
| 42 | Who's the father? |
| 43 | Yeah. |
| 44 | I can't say. |
| 45 | Why? Why not? |
| 46 | I can't say because he's famous. |
| 47 | Oh, my God. Who is it? |
| 48 | Phoebe, come on. |
| 49 | You have to tell us. |
| 50 | Okay, okay. |
| 51 | It's James Brolin. |
| 52 | James Brolin is the father of my baby. |
| 53 | As in Barbra Streisand's husband James Brolin? |
| 54 | What? Well, he never said that to me. |
| 55 | ♪ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ♪ |
| 56 | ♪ Your job's a joke, you're broke ♪ |
| 57 | ♪ Your love life's D.O.A. ♪ |
| 58 | ♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪ |
| 59 | ♪ When it hasn't been your day ♪ |
| 60 | ♪ Your week, your month, or even your year ♪ |
| 61 | ♪ But I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 62 | ♪ 'Cause you're there for me too. ♪ |
| 63 | Monica, if you could step away |
| 64 | we'll get Chandler and the bridesmaids. |
| 65 | How about just the bridesmaids? |
| 66 | You know, I am the groom. |
| 67 | I was told it was kind of a big deal. |
| 68 | It is. |
| 69 | Oh, my God. |
| 70 | Thank you for doing that. |
| 71 | I just can't deal |
| 72 | with this stress quite yet. |
| 73 | So instead you told me Monica was pregnant? |
| 74 | You said that she was. |
| 75 | I just didn't disagree with you. |
| 76 | Sneaky. |
| 77 | Yeah. |
| 78 | Smile, ladies. |
| 79 | Oh, by the way, James Brolin? |
| 80 | Oh, I know. |
| 81 | I could only think of two names. |
| 82 | Him and Ed Begley, Jr. and then... |
| 83 | I remembered he's gay, so... |
| 84 | Ed Begley, Jr. is not gay. |
| 85 | Really? |
| 86 | Thank you very much. |
| 87 | Ladies and gentlemen, it gives me great pleasure |
| 88 | to introduce to you for the very first time |
| 89 | Mr. and Mrs. Chandler Bing. |
| 90 | Listen, before we go out there |
| 91 | I got a present for you. |
| 92 | Honey, I'm not going |
| 93 | to put my hand in your pocket. |
| 94 | No. No? |
| 95 | I've been taking dancing lessons. |
| 96 | What? |
| 97 | Yeah, for the last six weeks. |
| 98 | I wanted this to be a moment you would never forget. |
| 99 | That is so sweet. |
| 100 | So, would you care to join me |
| 101 | in our first dance as husband and wife? |
| 102 | Yes. Okay. |
| 103 | What's the matter? |
| 104 | It's these new shoes. |
| 105 | They're all slippery. |
| 106 | Are you going to be able to do this? |
| 107 | Not well. |
| 108 | Well, the good news is |
| 109 | I don't think anyone's looking at us. |
| 110 | So, you ready to talk about it? |
| 111 | No. |
| 112 | Now? |
| 113 | No. |
| 114 | Okay, we'll talk about something else, then. |
| 115 | Okay. |
| 116 | Who's the father? |
| 117 | Oh! |
| 118 | Look, honey, I haven't told him yet |
| 119 | so until I do |
| 120 | I don't think I should tell anybody else. |
| 121 | Yeah. That's fine. That's fair. |
| 122 | Thank you. |
| 123 | Is it Tag? |
| 124 | Oh! Phoebe! |
| 125 | Okay, I'm sorry. I'll stop. |
| 126 | Okay. |
| 127 | Is it Ross? It's Ross, isn't it? |
| 128 | Oh, my God! It's Joey! |
| 129 | Honey, stop it, okay? |
| 130 | I am not going to tell you |
| 131 | until I tell him. |
| 132 | Aha! At least we know it's a him. |
| 133 | Oh, sweet Lord. |
| 134 | I'm sorry, okay? |
| 135 | I went down to the gift shop |
| 136 | and it was either this or a bathrobe. |
| 137 | Look, what's more important: |
| 138 | the way I'm dressed |
| 139 | or me being with you on your special day? |
| 140 | Honey, I'm not going |
| 141 | to even pretend I was listening. |
| 142 | Hey, hey. |
| 143 | Hi. |
| 144 | I'm Ross. I don't believe we met. |
| 145 | I'm Monica's older brother. |
| 146 | Oh, hi. I'm Mona from her restaurant. |
| 147 | Oh. |
| 148 | Hello, Mona from her restaurant. |
| 149 | Mona, what a beautiful name. |
| 150 | You think so? |
| 151 | I always kind of hated it. |
| 152 | Aw, come on. Mona Lisa? |
| 153 | Uh-huh. |
| 154 | Mona... Kleckklecken. |
| 155 | The famous botanist, huh? |
| 156 | Oh, no, she's... |
| 157 | Well, she's dead now, but... |
| 158 | Supposedly she was once quite the hottie |
| 159 | of the plant world. |
| 160 | Really? |
| 161 | Well, see, I never knew about her. |
| 162 | Linda Kleckklecken. |
| 163 | So what.. what table are you at? |
| 164 | Oh, me, too. |
| 165 | Good. Now there'll be someone there who likes my name. |
| 166 | Yes, there will. |
| 167 | Oh, guess what, Molly Gilbert. |
| 168 | You've just been bumped up to table one |
| 169 | and if it's all right with you |
| 170 | I'm going to take your place at table six. |
| 171 | Martin Kleckklecken. |
| 172 | That's better. |
| 173 | Now bend you arms a little bit. |
| 174 | There you go. Okay. |
| 175 | Look straight ahead. |
| 176 | Now, this time I want you |
| 177 | to really put your ass into it. |
| 178 | Yeah. |
| 179 | Chandler, darling, look, my date has finally arrived. |
| 180 | I'd like you to meet Dennis Phillips. |
| 181 | Congratulations. |
| 182 | Thank you. |
| 183 | Yes, Dennis, is a dear old friend |
| 184 | and a fantastic lover. |
| 185 | Bravo, Dennis. |
| 186 | Thanks for pleasing my mother so. |
| 187 | Oh, I'm so sorry I missed the ceremony. |
| 188 | I was stuck at auditions. |
| 189 | Oh, yes. Dennis is directing a new Broadway show. |
| 190 | I don't believe we've met. Joey Tribbiani. |
| 191 | Dennis Philipps. |
| 192 | Oh, wow, I've admired your work for years. |
| 193 | You've done some really amazing stuff. |
| 194 | Oh, thank you. |
| 195 | Well, if you'll excuse me |
| 196 | I'm going to go get myself a drink. |
| 197 | I'll be back in a moment. |
| 198 | Wow, Dennis Phillips. |
| 199 | That's great. How did you guys meet? |
| 200 | Well, you know, it's a funny story. |
| 201 | Funny ha-ha or funny... |
| 202 | ( imitates gunshot ) |
| 203 | Uh-oh! |
| 204 | Thank you. Thank you very much. |
| 205 | Now if everyone will please take your seats |
| 206 | dinner will be served. |
| 207 | Hey, I thought you were at table six. |
| 208 | Uh, no, nine. |
| 209 | Oh, see |
| 210 | before when you showed it to me |
| 211 | you held it that way, which... |
| 212 | ( chuckles ) |
| 213 | ...which was misleading. |
| 214 | Well... |
| 215 | Hello. |
| 216 | Hey, Chandler. |
| 217 | Hey. |
| 218 | Will you see if your mom |
| 219 | will give my resume to Dennis Phillips? |
| 220 | 'Cause if I could get in a Broadway show |
| 221 | then I would have done it all: film, television and theater. |
| 222 | The only thing left would be radio |
| 223 | and that's just for ugly people. |
| 224 | What size shoes do you wear? |
| 225 | Uh, 11... 11 1/2. |
| 226 | Great, because my shoes are giving me a little problem. |
| 227 | Could I borrow the boots from your costume? |
| 228 | I don't even really know |
| 229 | where I left those. Huh. Sorry. |
| 230 | Those aren't 11 1/2. |
| 231 | Okay, fine. I'm a 7. |
| 232 | All right? I have surprisingly small feet. |
| 233 | But the rest of me is good. I'll show you. |
| 234 | Can you believe Phoebe got pregnant? |
| 235 | Oh, you know what, honey? |
| 236 | Let's not talk about that right now. |
| 237 | This is so huge! |
| 238 | Sure, but come on, as big as your wedding? |
| 239 | Of course not. Nothing is. |
| 240 | Well, between me and you? |
| 241 | Yeah. |
| 242 | In this day and age |
| 243 | how dumb do you have to be to get pregnant? |
| 244 | Hey, you know, sometimes you can do everything right. |
| 245 | Everyone can wear everything they're supposed to wear |
| 246 | and one of those little guys just gets through. |
| 247 | How? |
| 248 | I don't know. Maybe they have tools. |
| 249 | Well, I-I talked to her |
| 250 | and, uh, she's definitely going to have this baby. |
| 251 | You know, she said she's going to raise it on her own. |
| 252 | Well, maybe that's... maybe that's really brave. |
| 253 | Maybe. |
| 254 | I just hope she realizes how hard it's going to be. |
| 255 | Maybe she hasn't really |
| 256 | thought it through that much. |
| 257 | Well, there's a lot to think about. |
| 258 | I mean, how is she... |
| 259 | how is she going to handle this financially? |
| 260 | How is she going to juggle work? How...? |
| 261 | Does she realize she's not going |
| 262 | to have a date again for the next, like, 18 years? |
| 263 | I don't know. |
| 264 | Are you okay? |
| 265 | Mm-hmm. |
| 266 | I'm just thinking about Phoebe. |
| 267 | Poor, knocked-up Phoebe. |
| 268 | Champagne? |
| 269 | Oh, yes, thank you very much. Ooh! |
| 270 | Oh, th-th-that's actually how the French drink it. |
| 271 | ( gasps ) |
| 272 | Well... |
| 273 | I just got off the phone with my lover, James Brolin. |
| 274 | Oh, really? |
| 275 | Yes. And apparently he is married to some singer. |
| 276 | But he said he would leave her for me |
| 277 | and I said, "James, James Brolin, are you sure?" |
| 278 | And James Brolin said... |
| 279 | "Rachel's really |
| 280 | the one who's pregnant"? |
| 281 | What?! |
| 282 | Why bother? |
| 283 | ( sighs ) |
| 284 | How do you feel? |
| 285 | I don't know. I don't know how I feel. |
| 286 | This is all happening so fast. |
| 287 | I have to make all these decisions |
| 288 | that I don't want to make. |
| 289 | Mm! Oh, someone just take this away from me! |
| 290 | Calm down. |
| 291 | Maybe you're not pregnant. What?! |
| 292 | When I got pregnant with the triplets |
| 293 | I took that test, like, three times just to make sure. |
| 294 | Yes, maybe it's a false positive. |
| 295 | Are you sure you peed on the stick right? |
| 296 | How many ways are there to do that? |
| 297 | I'm-I'm just saying |
| 298 | don't freak out until you're 100% sure. |
| 299 | All right, I'll-I'll take it again when I get home. |
| 300 | You-you got to take it now. |
| 301 | Now, come on, do it as a present to me. |
| 302 | Okay, thank you. |
| 303 | Okay. |
| 304 | I'll run out and get you one. |
| 305 | Oh, you girls are so great. |
| 306 | Oh, wait a minute. |
| 307 | Who's the father? |
| 308 | Oh, no, she won't tell us. |
| 309 | Come on. It's my wedding. |
| 310 | That could be my present. |
| 311 | Wait. Hey, I just gave you peeing on a stick. |
| 312 | See, this is why you register. |
| 313 | ( farting ) |
| 314 | ( giggling ) |
| 315 | It was the chair again, okay? |
| 316 | I'm not doing it. |
| 317 | Hey, what, look, I don't... |
| 318 | You know what? |
| 319 | ( chuckles ) |
| 320 | Hi. Hi. |
| 321 | Um, would you like to dance? |
| 322 | Sure. Huh? |
| 323 | Oh, great. |
| 324 | ( chuckles ) |
| 325 | Dr. Geller? |
| 326 | I wasn't farting! |
| 327 | Uh, a little game from our table. |
| 328 | Oh. |
| 329 | Yes? |
| 330 | Dr. Geller, will you dance with me? |
| 331 | Oh. Um... well, uh, maybe-maybe later. |
| 332 | Right now, I'm about to dance with this lady. |
| 333 | ( softly ): Okay. |
| 334 | Oh... |
| 335 | Well, uh-uh... unless, um... unless... |
| 336 | uh, this lady wouldn't mind letting you go first. |
| 337 | I'd be happy to. |
| 338 | You are very sweet. |
| 339 | ( chuckling ): Oh... yes, I-I am. |
| 340 | In fact, um, hey, why don't we try it my special way |
| 341 | and you could dance on my feet? |
| 342 | Sure! Yeah? |
| 343 | Hop on. |
| 344 | Is the pretty lady looking? |
| 345 | Uh-huh. |
| 346 | Keep dancing. |
| 347 | And the world will never know. |
| 348 | Hey, did you talk to Dennis about me yet? |
| 349 | Yes. I told him |
| 350 | how talented you were. |
| 351 | I told him all about Days of Our Lives. |
| 352 | No, no, no, no! |
| 353 | You don't tell a Broadway guy that! |
| 354 | Now he thinks I'm just a soap actor. |
| 355 | But you're not just a soap actor. |
| 356 | You are a soap actor with freakishly tiny feet. |
| 357 | Hey! |
| 358 | Thank you. |
| 359 | No, no, thank you, Miranda. |
| 360 | Melinda. |
| 361 | All right. |
| 362 | How cute was that? |
| 363 | Oh, oh, were you... were you watching? |
| 364 | ( chuckling ) |
| 365 | Can I go next? |
| 366 | Uh... of course you can. |
| 367 | Hop on. |
| 368 | Okay, but I get to hop on after her. |
| 369 | ( under breath ): I am so going to score. |
| 370 | What? |
| 371 | I like your bow. |
| 372 | ( clinking ) |
| 373 | I'd, uh... I'd like to propose a toast. |
| 374 | To Monica and Chandler-- |
| 375 | the greatest couple in the world... |
| 376 | and my best friends. |
| 377 | Now, when I first found out they were getting married |
| 378 | I was... |
| 379 | I was a little angry. |
| 380 | I was, like, "Why, God, why?! |
| 381 | How can you take them away from me?!" |
| 382 | But then I thought back |
| 383 | over all our memories together. |
| 384 | Some happy memories. |
| 385 | ( chuckling ) |
| 386 | And-and there was |
| 387 | some sad memories. |
| 388 | ( sniffles ) |
| 389 | I'm sorry. |
| 390 | And-and some scared memories. |
| 391 | Whoa! |
| 392 | Huh? |
| 393 | And then... and then I realized I'll always be their friend-- |
| 394 | their friend who can speak in many dialects |
| 395 | and has training in stage combat |
| 396 | and is willing to do partial nudity. |
| 397 | Oh, to the happy couple. |
| 398 | All right. |
| 399 | ( applause ) |
| 400 | That was very nice, Ashley. |
| 401 | Can we do it again? |
| 402 | No, no. |
| 403 | So... is it my turn now? |
| 404 | I'm next. |
| 405 | Oh! |
| 406 | Uh... |
| 407 | that's okay. |
| 408 | You can dance with her first. |
| 409 | Oh, you're-you're sure? |
| 410 | Okay. |
| 411 | Okay, so what's, uh, what's your name? |
| 412 | Gert. |
| 413 | That's-that's pretty. |
| 414 | Yes. |
| 415 | Wa...? |
| 416 | Whoa, whoa, whoa. |
| 417 | ( chuckling ) |
| 418 | What are you doing there, Gert? |
| 419 | Dancing on your feet |
| 420 | like the other girls did it. |
| 421 | Okay. |
| 422 | Hop on, Gert. |
| 423 | ( crunching ) |
| 424 | Why aren't you moving your feet? |
| 425 | I'm trying. |
| 426 | Faster! |
| 427 | You're not going fast enough! |
| 428 | Maybe I should stand on your feet! |
| 429 | So, did you, uh |
| 430 | happen to catch my toast up there? |
| 431 | Oh, my God. That was for my benefit? |
| 432 | Well, I like to think there was a little something for everyone |
| 433 | but I know you're casting for this new show... |
| 434 | Look, um |
| 435 | Joey, I-I don't think you're quite right for this project. |
| 436 | Oh, see, that's where you're wrong. |
| 437 | Whatever it is, I can do it. |
| 438 | And if you didn't see it up there |
| 439 | just-just try me. |
| 440 | It's an all-Chinese cast. |
| 441 | Can you be Chinese? |
| 442 | Well, I'm not proud of this, but.. |
| 443 | Oh, my God, no, no, no, please, please don't, don't...! |
| 444 | ( laughter ) |
| 445 | Hey. You ready to get back on the dance floor? |
| 446 | Did it turn into sand? |
| 447 | Oh, come on. I love this song. |
| 448 | Come on. You'll be fine. |
| 449 | No, no... I won't. |
| 450 | Do you know why I took all those lessons? |
| 451 | See, for the first time |
| 452 | I didn't want you to be embarrassed |
| 453 | to be seen on the dance floor with some... clumsy idiot. |
| 454 | Oh, sweetie, you could never embarrass me. |
| 455 | ( snickers ) |
| 456 | Okay. |
| 457 | You could easily embarrass me |
| 458 | but come on, it doesn't matter. |
| 459 | All right? |
| 460 | I married you. |
| 461 | So, I want to dance on my wedding night |
| 462 | with my husband, come on. |
| 463 | Just try not to move your feet at all. |
| 464 | Oh. |
| 465 | There you go. |
| 466 | Chandler, I'm going to have you arrested. |
| 467 | Why? |
| 468 | You stole my moves! |
| 469 | How much longer? |
| 470 | 30 seconds. |
| 471 | 30 seconds, okay. |
| 472 | Did I miss it? |
| 473 | Rachel? |
| 474 | I-I want you to know that... |
| 475 | if it's positive, we're going to... |
| 476 | Oh, I know, I know. |
| 477 | You do? |
| 478 | Mm-hmm. |
| 479 | It's time. |
| 480 | Oh, boy. |
| 481 | ALL: No! |
| 482 | ( door closes ) |
| 483 | All right. Go ahead, Rach. |
| 484 | Oh, wait, you know what? |
| 485 | I can't... I can't look at it. |
| 486 | I can't look at it. |
| 487 | Somebody else tell me. |
| 488 | Somebody tell me. |
| 489 | Okay. Okay. |
| 490 | Um... |
| 491 | It's negative. |
| 492 | What?! |
| 493 | It's negative. |
| 494 | Oh? |
| 495 | Oh. |
| 496 | ( chuckles ) |
| 497 | Well, there you go. |
| 498 | Whew! |
| 499 | That is... that's great. |
| 500 | That is really great, great news. |
| 501 | ( Rachel sighs ) |
| 502 | You know, 'cause the whole... uh, not being ready |
| 503 | and kind of financial aspects, all that's... |
| 504 | ( sighs ) |
| 505 | Wow, this is so just the way that this was supposed to be. |
| 506 | ( sighs ) |
| 507 | Well... then great. |
| 508 | Mm-hmm. |
| 509 | Here. |
| 510 | Thanks. God, this is so stupid! |
| 511 | How can I be upset over something I never had? |
| 512 | It's negative? |
| 513 | No, it's positive. |
| 514 | What?! |
| 515 | It's-It's not negative. It's positive. |
| 516 | Are you sure? |
| 517 | Well, yeah, I lied before. |
| 518 | Oh...! |
| 519 | Oh. |
| 520 | Oh, my God. ( whimpering ) |
| 521 | Now you know how you really feel about it. |
| 522 | Oh, that's a risky little game. |
| 523 | ( Rachel laughs ) |
| 524 | Are you really going to do this? |
| 525 | Yeah. |
| 526 | I'm going to have a baby. |
| 527 | I'm going to have a baby. |
| 528 | ( chuckles ) |
| 529 | I'm going to have a baby! |
| 530 | Yeah! |
| 531 | Oh! |
| 532 | With who? |
| 533 | Oh, it's still not the time. |
| 534 | ( giggling ) |
| 535 | I just didn't see the fast song coming. |
| 536 | Shh, shh, don't try to talk. |
| 537 | We'll get you up to your room. |
| 538 | We'll soak your feet. |
| 539 | You'll be okay. |
| 540 | Ah, thank you. |
| 541 | That is so sweet. |
| 542 | Yeah. |
| 543 | No, I mean it. |
| 544 | There are so few genuinely nice guys out there. |
| 545 | Oh, tell me about it. |
| 546 | I feel like I'm holding down the fort |
| 547 | all by myself. |
| 548 | It's Joey, right? |
| 549 | Yeah. |
| 550 | Wait a minute! No! |
| 551 | I'm the nice one! |
| 552 | I'm the one who danced with the kids all night! |
| 553 | I... |
| 554 | How small are your feet?! |
| 555 | |
| 1 | Listen, you know what, sir? |
| 2 | For the last time |
| 3 | I don't care what the computer says. |
| 4 | We did not take a bag of Meshuga nuts |
| 5 | from the mini-bar |
| 6 | and we did not watch Doctor Do Me a Little. |
| 7 | Hey. |
| 8 | Oh, Joey, were you in our room last night? |
| 9 | No. |
| 10 | I was told the name of the movie would not appear on the bill. |
| 11 | Hi. |
| 12 | We're checking out of the bridal suite. |
| 13 | That's right. |
| 14 | I'm no longer a bride. |
| 15 | I'll never be a bride again. |
| 16 | Now I'm just someone's wife. |
| 17 | And I'm the happiest guy in the world. |
| 18 | Oh, come on, honey. |
| 19 | Don't be upset. |
| 20 | We still have so much to look forward to. |
| 21 | Oh, yeah, right. |
| 22 | We've got the honeymoon. |
| 23 | Oh, that's not till Thursday. |
| 24 | The wedding pictures. |
| 25 | Those won't be ready for weeks. |
| 26 | Not the disposable cameras from the tables. |
| 27 | That's true. |
| 28 | I knew I married you for a reason. |
| 29 | I'll tell you what. |
| 30 | I will got get them developed, and you can go home. |
| 31 | Okay. |
| 32 | ( chuckling ) |
| 33 | What? What did you take a picture of? |
| 34 | Nothing. |
| 35 | It was something, huh? |
| 36 | Okay, Ross has the cameras. |
| 37 | Has he checked out yet? |
| 38 | Are you joking? |
| 39 | No. |
| 40 | Checkout is not till noon |
| 41 | and he has a good 11 minutes left. |
| 42 | So? |
| 43 | So, Ross has never checked out of a room |
| 44 | a minute before he had to. |
| 45 | Yeah. One time when we were dating |
| 46 | we got a late checkout. |
| 47 | He got so excited, it was the best sex we ever had. |
| 48 | Until, you know |
| 49 | he screamed out "Radisson" at the end. |
| 50 | Okay, well, I'm going to get Ross |
| 51 | get the cameras, and get them developed. |
| 52 | ( chuckles ) |
| 53 | 32, Joe. |
| 54 | You're 32. |
| 55 | Here's a copy of your bill. |
| 56 | Oh, thanks. |
| 57 | Champagne, strawberries. |
| 58 | Oh, my God! |
| 59 | I can't believe |
| 60 | Chandler ordered porn on our wedding night. |
| 61 | Yeah, that's sad. |
| 62 | Meshuga nut? |
| 63 | ♪ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ♪ |
| 64 | ♪ Your job's a joke, you're broke ♪ |
| 65 | ♪ Your love life's DOA ♪ |
| 66 | ♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪ |
| 67 | ♪ When it hasn't been your day, your week ♪ |
| 68 | ♪ Your month, or even your year ♪ |
| 69 | ♪ But I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 70 | ♪ 'Cause you're there for me, too. ♪ |
| 71 | ( knocking at door ) |
| 72 | Hi. Hi. |
| 73 | Soaps, shampoos? |
| 74 | Are you really taking all this stuff? |
| 75 | Why not? |
| 76 | It's-it's built into the price of the room. |
| 77 | Yeah, but you don't need... |
| 78 | What is this? |
| 79 | Thread. |
| 80 | Score. |
| 81 | Where are the disposable cameras? |
| 82 | What disposable cameras? |
| 83 | The cameras. Remember last night |
| 84 | I asked you to take them. |
| 85 | No, you didn't. |
| 86 | Yes. Remember? Right before we cut the cake |
| 87 | I went up to you and I said... |
| 88 | Oh, yeah. You came up to me |
| 89 | and asked me if I could do you a favor |
| 90 | and then my Uncle Murray came up to you |
| 91 | and handed you a check |
| 92 | and then you said, "Why do they call it a check? |
| 93 | Why not a Yugoslavian?" |
| 94 | ( laughs ) |
| 95 | Yeah, then you did that. |
| 96 | So, you don't have the cameras? |
| 97 | No. Sorry, man. |
| 98 | So what? What? They're gone? |
| 99 | Monica's going to freak. Well, I'm sure |
| 100 | they're still somewhere here in the hotel. |
| 101 | I'll help you look for them. |
| 102 | Great. Yeah, in-in three minutes. |
| 103 | Hey. |
| 104 | Hey. |
| 105 | Are you going to open the presents without Chandler? |
| 106 | No. |
| 107 | It's just, you know, that... |
| 108 | Well, they're calling out to me. |
| 109 | I mean, this little guy even crawled up in my lap. |
| 110 | Oh, come on, Chandler wouldn't mind |
| 111 | if I open just one present. |
| 112 | What do you think it is? |
| 113 | A little mirror that when you look into it |
| 114 | you see yourself as an old woman. |
| 115 | A tiny salt shaker! |
| 116 | Oh! |
| 117 | My God, for tiny salt. |
| 118 | Oh, wow. Okay. |
| 119 | Well, that was fun. |
| 120 | Oh, yeah. That was fun. |
| 121 | Okay, I'm just going to wait for Chandler |
| 122 | to open up the rest of them. |
| 123 | Okay. Whew! |
| 124 | Although, you know |
| 125 | this is part of a... salt and pepper set. |
| 126 | I guess, you know, it may just count as half a present. |
| 127 | What do you think? |
| 128 | Well, I guess it's okay to open one more |
| 129 | if it's part of a set. |
| 130 | You know, it's probably this one. |
| 131 | Or this one. |
| 132 | Hi. |
| 133 | MONICA: Hey, how are you feeling? |
| 134 | Do you have any morning sickness? |
| 135 | Shh! The guys don't know yet |
| 136 | do they? No. |
| 137 | Joey and Ross don't know anything |
| 138 | and Chandler still thinks that Phoebe's pregnant. |
| 139 | Oh. PHOEBE: That's right. |
| 140 | Chandler does still think I'm pregnant. |
| 141 | He hasn't asked me how I'm feeling |
| 142 | or offered to carry my bags. |
| 143 | Oh, I feel bad for the woman who ends up with him. |
| 144 | After you, of course. |
| 145 | RACHEL: Well, don't worry. |
| 146 | I promise that you will |
| 147 | only have to be pregnant for a few more hours |
| 148 | 'cause I'm going to tell the father today. |
| 149 | Ooh, is it someone in this building? |
| 150 | Is it that tall guy from the first floor? |
| 151 | Ooh, no! |
| 152 | What? I think he's cute. |
| 153 | Well, then, you have his baby. |
| 154 | Believe me, I'm trying. |
| 155 | Well, you know, it is so weird. |
| 156 | I mean, you're going to tell this guy today |
| 157 | and he has no idea what's going to happen. |
| 158 | No. PHOEBE: Yeah. |
| 159 | Yeah, you're just going to knock on his door |
| 160 | and change his life forever. |
| 161 | You're like Ed McMahon except without the big check... |
| 162 | or the raw sexual magnetism. |
| 163 | Yeah, well, I guess it is pretty big news. |
| 164 | Pretty big? It's huge. |
| 165 | God, this guy doesn't have a clue. |
| 166 | He's just walking down the street thinking |
| 167 | "I had sex with Rachel Green. |
| 168 | I rock." |
| 169 | Then, bam! |
| 170 | He's a father, everything's different. |
| 171 | Well, it's only different if he wants it to be. |
| 172 | I mean, I'm not going to ask him for anything. |
| 173 | Okay, then, he still has this huge decision to make. |
| 174 | Now he's walking around thinking |
| 175 | "Do I want to be a dad?" |
| 176 | And then, bam! |
| 177 | What was that bam? |
| 178 | I don't know. |
| 179 | He-he's hit by a bus or something. |
| 180 | Hey. RACHEL: Hi. |
| 181 | Hey, Joey, what would you do |
| 182 | if someone that you slept with |
| 183 | told you that she was pregnant? |
| 184 | Who called here? |
| 185 | Did she sound blonde? |
| 186 | Huh? Did she have a accent? |
| 187 | I got to make a call. |
| 188 | I should never walked into that sun glass hut. |
| 189 | RACHEL: Joey... Joey |
| 190 | It's not you. You didn't get anybody pregnant. |
| 191 | Oh. |
| 192 | Why would you scare me like that? |
| 193 | What the hell's going on? |
| 194 | Is somebody pregnant? |
| 195 | Oh, yeah, that's me. |
| 196 | Oh, my God, Pheebs! |
| 197 | You're going to have a baby? |
| 198 | Yes, yes, I am. |
| 199 | Oh, my God |
| 200 | I'm going to have a baby! |
| 201 | Wait a minute. |
| 202 | Who's the father? |
| 203 | You don't know him. |
| 204 | It's not important. |
| 205 | He wants nothing to do with me or the baby. |
| 206 | Well, who is this guy, huh? |
| 207 | Who is he? |
| 208 | 'Cause I will track him down and kick his ass. |
| 209 | David Lynn. |
| 210 | David Lynn. |
| 211 | David Lynn. |
| 212 | David Lynn. |
| 213 | ( door closes ) |
| 214 | Who's David Lynn? |
| 215 | Oh, some guy from my gym. |
| 216 | A little annoying. |
| 217 | Chandler? |
| 218 | Hey, did you find the cameras? |
| 219 | No. Did you? Yes. |
| 220 | That's why I'm under the table-- celebrating. |
| 221 | Well, I checked in the lost and found. |
| 222 | I talked to the manager. |
| 223 | No one's turned them in. |
| 224 | Well, this is great. |
| 225 | Those cameras were the only thing |
| 226 | that was going to cheer Monica up today. |
| 227 | She's really depressed. |
| 228 | Now, you guys just got married. |
| 229 | Why is she so depressed? |
| 230 | All my energy is going into not asking that question. |
| 231 | I can't believe I screwed this up. |
| 232 | I'm sorry, man. |
| 233 | Here's a thought. |
| 234 | This is the same ballroom. |
| 235 | There's a band. |
| 236 | There's going to be plenty of dressed-up people. |
| 237 | Are you suggesting we dance our troubles away? |
| 238 | No, no, no. |
| 239 | I'm saying we-we buy more of these at the gift shop |
| 240 | throw our tuxes back on and take a few pictures. |
| 241 | All we have to do is make sure not to get anybody else's faces. |
| 242 | Are you serious? |
| 243 | I'm just thinking |
| 244 | about your new bride at home, okay? |
| 245 | Do you really want to start your life together |
| 246 | by letting her down? |
| 247 | Marriage advice? |
| 248 | Really? |
| 249 | I'm telling you, this looks exactly like your wedding. |
| 250 | Aren't these the same flowers? |
| 251 | I don't know. Monica picked out the flowers. |
| 252 | Well, what about the chairs? |
| 253 | She picked those out, too. |
| 254 | How about the place settings? |
| 255 | That was her. |
| 256 | What did you do? |
| 257 | I was in charge of the cameras. |
| 258 | Gift shop? |
| 259 | Hmm. |
| 260 | Hey. |
| 261 | Ooh, did you do it yet? |
| 262 | Not yet. |
| 263 | Oh. |
| 264 | Well, then what are you doing here? |
| 265 | Are you about to do it? |
| 266 | Is it Gunther? |
| 267 | No. |
| 268 | Phoebe, it's not Gunther. |
| 269 | Thank God, 'cause that hair on a baby... |
| 270 | Phoebe, the father is not here, okay? |
| 271 | I haven't told him yet |
| 272 | and I don't think I can tell him at all now. |
| 273 | Why not? Well, I don't know. |
| 274 | Let me think. |
| 275 | I was walking down the street, thinking |
| 276 | "I'm going to tell the father today," and then, bam! |
| 277 | Bus? |
| 278 | No, you. |
| 279 | Phoebe, you freaked me out. |
| 280 | You kept saying how huge this all is. |
| 281 | Well, but it is huge. |
| 282 | I know |
| 283 | but I was just thinking |
| 284 | about how huge it was for me. |
| 285 | I didn't even go |
| 286 | to how huge this is going to be for the father. |
| 287 | You're thinking about this way too much. |
| 288 | Just tell him and get it over with. |
| 289 | It's like ripping off this Band-Aid. |
| 290 | Quick and painless. Watch. |
| 291 | Ow, mother of... |
| 292 | See? |
| 293 | Ooh. Are we opening presents? |
| 294 | No, no. |
| 295 | I shouldn't have even opened these. |
| 296 | Joey, I am out of control! |
| 297 | Joey, you have to do me a favor. |
| 298 | No matter what I say, no matter what I do |
| 299 | please do not let me open another present, okay? |
| 300 | Okay. |
| 301 | Give me one more. |
| 302 | Okay. |
| 303 | Hey. |
| 304 | Oh, good-- |
| 305 | you're here. |
| 306 | Uh, Pheebs, listen, uh |
| 307 | sit down. |
| 308 | I got something I want to say. |
| 309 | All right. |
| 310 | Um... |
| 311 | it's a scary world out there-- |
| 312 | especially for a single mom. |
| 313 | Now, I've always felt that you and I have a special bond, so... |
| 314 | Phoebe Buffay, will you marry me? |
| 315 | Oh, my God. |
| 316 | Joey... |
| 317 | Oh, yeah, I'll marry you. |
| 318 | You can't marry him. |
| 319 | Hey, lady, your day's over. |
| 320 | It's my turn. |
| 321 | Phoebe... |
| 322 | What? Why can't she marry me? |
| 323 | I can and I will. |
| 324 | She's not pregnant. |
| 325 | It's Rachel. |
| 326 | Rachel's the one who's pregnant, okay? |
| 327 | Oh, my God. |
| 328 | Hey! |
| 329 | I think he would notice |
| 330 | when you didn't have a baby in nine months. |
| 331 | It's Joey. |
| 332 | ( no audio ) |
| 333 | I can't believe it. |
| 334 | Rachel's pregnant? |
| 335 | Mm-hmm. Yeah. |
| 336 | Well, who's the father? |
| 337 | We don't know. |
| 338 | Oh... I wonder if it's that dude? |
| 339 | There's a dude? |
| 340 | Who? Who is it? |
| 341 | About a month ago, this guy spent the night with Rachel. |
| 342 | Now, I didn't see who it was, but... |
| 343 | Was that story over? |
| 344 | The guy left this. |
| 345 | ( gasping ) |
| 346 | Oh, my God. |
| 347 | I know who the father is. |
| 348 | People have got to finish their stories. |
| 349 | Uh, excuse me. |
| 350 | Could you take a picture of us, please? |
| 351 | Oh, of course. |
| 352 | Uh, would you take one of us? |
| 353 | Uh, yeah. Sure. |
| 354 | Click. |
| 355 | It didn't click. |
| 356 | I heard it. See? |
| 357 | But there was no flash. |
| 358 | Why won't you take our picture? |
| 359 | Oh, yeah, I'll-I'll take, I'll take your picture. |
| 360 | Um, your finger was covering the lens. |
| 361 | Who are you, Ansel Adams?! |
| 362 | Get out of here! |
| 363 | Look, I feel really bad |
| 364 | about how I freaked you out before |
| 365 | so, I called the father |
| 366 | and asked him to meet you here |
| 367 | so you could tell him. Go. |
| 368 | Wha... hey, wait a minute. |
| 369 | Phoebe, how do you even know who the father is? |
| 370 | I may play the fool at times, but... |
| 371 | I'm a little more than just a pretty blonde girl |
| 372 | with an ass that won't quit. |
| 373 | I believe this |
| 374 | belongs to the father of your baby. |
| 375 | Oh, God. |
| 376 | Oh, he's in there right now? |
| 377 | Uh-huh. |
| 378 | Now, you can turn around |
| 379 | or you can go in there and rip the Band-Aid off. |
| 380 | What do you want to do? |
| 381 | Uh... |
| 382 | Let's rip. |
| 383 | Really? Are you sure? |
| 384 | Oh, Phoebe. |
| 385 | Okay, sorry. Yeah. |
| 386 | Hey, Rach. |
| 387 | Why don't you go up on stage? |
| 388 | I'll get a picture of you doing the speech. |
| 389 | Okay, okay. |
| 390 | ( glasses tinkling ) |
| 391 | Will the owner of a 1995 Buick LeSabre |
| 392 | please see the front desk? |
| 393 | Your car is about to be towed. |
| 394 | That's my car. |
| 395 | A '95 LeSabre? |
| 396 | Yes. |
| 397 | A green LeSabre? |
| 398 | Yes. |
| 399 | I'm sorry, I meant a blue LeSabre. |
| 400 | Yes, green-blue. |
| 401 | Well, go. |
| 402 | Go move it! |
| 403 | Okay. Ready for the last picture? |
| 404 | Yeah. |
| 405 | Get ready to run. |
| 406 | Congratulations on your wedding. |
| 407 | So, what's this about? |
| 408 | Rachel has something that she wants to tell you |
| 409 | and, um, I believe that this is your red sweater? |
| 410 | No. This is my red sweater. |
| 411 | Oh, no. |
| 412 | Can I get anyone a coffee, or... |
| 413 | poison? No? Just for me? |
| 414 | Okay. |
| 415 | What's going on, Rach? |
| 416 | Nothing. Phoebe kind of made a mistake. |
| 417 | But, you know, you do wear that sweater a lot. |
| 418 | Are you involved in some kind of dare? |
| 419 | You know, I'm actually glad Phoebe called. |
| 420 | I know we broke up |
| 421 | 'cause you thought I wasn't mature enough |
| 422 | but I've really grown up |
| 423 | and I think we should get back together. |
| 424 | Oh, it's just not the right time. |
| 425 | It is the right time. |
| 426 | Okay. |
| 427 | I'm ready for more. |
| 428 | Tag... |
| 429 | Come on, Rach, let's give it another try. |
| 430 | I'm having a baby. |
| 431 | Oh. |
| 432 | You can go. |
| 433 | Thank you. |
| 434 | I don't know how any of these got opened! |
| 435 | You opened them all? |
| 436 | I know, I know! |
| 437 | I am a terrible person. |
| 438 | Chandler's never going to trust me |
| 439 | with anything ever again. |
| 440 | Oh, hey, you got my parents' gift. |
| 441 | Yeah, what is that? |
| 442 | I think it does something to salami. |
| 443 | Hey |
| 444 | how did it go? |
| 445 | Yeah, what did Tag say? |
| 446 | Tag is not the father. |
| 447 | And Joey knows now? |
| 448 | I do, Rach, I do, and I am so happy for you. |
| 449 | ( chuckles ) |
| 450 | Oh, wow, you didn't even try to unhook my bra. |
| 451 | So, are you ever going to tell whoever it is? |
| 452 | Yeah, I will. |
| 453 | I'm just not up for it tonight. |
| 454 | Hey, Rach, listen, no matter what this guy says |
| 455 | I want you to know you're not going to be alone in this. |
| 456 | I'm not? |
| 457 | No. |
| 458 | Listen, I, uh... |
| 459 | It's a scary world out there, especially for a single mom. |
| 460 | Aw... Joey... |
| 461 | Uh, I've always felt |
| 462 | like you and I have this special bond, you know? |
| 463 | So, Rachel Green, will you marry me? |
| 464 | What? |
| 465 | What? What?! |
| 466 | Pheebs, give me the ring back. |
| 467 | No! |
| 468 | Joey, oh, you're so sweet. |
| 469 | You are so, so sweet, honey. |
| 470 | But I'm not looking for a husband. |
| 471 | I understand. |
| 472 | Now, if you will excuse me |
| 473 | I'm going to go and lie down. |
| 474 | I can't say that didn't hurt. |
| 475 | But I'll take you back, Joey Tribbiani. |
| 476 | Uh, yeah, Pheebs, listen, about that. |
| 477 | Ooh, a Salami Buddy! |
| 478 | There you go. |
| 479 | We're back. |
| 480 | Great! We're hanging in the kitchen. |
| 481 | Let's stay in the kitchen. |
| 482 | It's picture time. |
| 483 | Now, you are going to love these. |
| 484 | Here's a picture of Ross... |
| 485 | and that's me... |
| 486 | and that's me and Ross. |
| 487 | Oh, and here's a picture of our first kiss |
| 488 | as a married couple. |
| 489 | Wow, that is a great picture. |
| 490 | Huh? Yeah. |
| 491 | And interesting |
| 492 | because I found the cameras in one of our bags. |
| 493 | Huh. Didn't see that coming. |
| 494 | Okay, so, this isn't a picture of our first kiss |
| 495 | but it is a picture of my first kiss with, with this lady. |
| 496 | ( clearing throat ) |
| 497 | Which, by the look on your face |
| 498 | I'm sure you'll remember |
| 499 | so we don't need... there's no need... |
| 500 | if we can just... |
| 501 | How about I take the real pictures |
| 502 | and get them developed right now? |
| 503 | That would be a good idea. |
| 504 | Okay. |
| 505 | You opened all the presents without me? |
| 506 | I thought we were supposed to do that together. |
| 507 | You kissed another woman? |
| 508 | Call it even? |
| 509 | Okay. |
| 510 | Well, I'm going to go get these in some water. |
| 511 | You stole those from these people's wedding? |
| 512 | No, I took them from the hotel lobby. |
| 513 | They think they can charge me for some dirty movie |
| 514 | and a bag of Meshuga Nuts, they got another thing coming. |
| 515 | Hey, my sweater. |
| 516 | I've been looking for this for, like, a month. |
| 517 | Oh, my God! Oh, my God! |
| 518 | Oh, my God! |
| 519 | Hey. How you doing? |
| 520 | Good. Good. Long time no see. |
| 521 | Yeah. |
| 522 | I like your sweater. |
| 523 | Oh, hey, right back at you. |
| 524 | ( both chuckling ) |
| 525 | It's crazy about Rachel, huh? |
| 526 | Yeah. Well, she's one crazy lady. |
| 527 | So, whose is it? |
| 528 | Um, I, I don't know, some Italian guy. |
| 529 | Come on, read your own label. |
| 530 | See you later. Okay. |
| 531 | ( sotto voce ): He is so weird. |
| 532 | |
| 1 | Hey, babe, aren't you excited we're going on our honeymoon? |
| 2 | Yeah, I am. |
| 3 | ♪ Bermuda, Bahamas, come on, pretty mama. ♪ |
| 4 | That's right, get it out your system while we're alone. |
| 5 | Hey. |
| 6 | We came to say good-bye. |
| 7 | Yeah, have a great honeymoon. |
| 8 | Thanks. |
| 9 | I better go pack. Oh, no, I already packed. |
| 10 | The only thing I couldn't find though was your Speedo. |
| 11 | Speedo? |
| 12 | I don't have a Speedo. |
| 13 | I'm going to go pack my regular long bathing suit. |
| 14 | Oh, good, you're still here. |
| 15 | I wanted to tell you to have a good honeymoon. |
| 16 | Oh, thank you. |
| 17 | Oh, and I also wanted you guys to know |
| 18 | that I am telling the father today. |
| 19 | What, what, what? |
| 20 | We know it's Ross. |
| 21 | How? How do you know? |
| 22 | It was his sweater. |
| 23 | But, oh, my God! |
| 24 | Wow, I so wanted Ross to know first |
| 25 | but I am so relieved that you guys know. |
| 26 | That's so great and I'm going to be your baby's aunt. |
| 27 | I know. |
| 28 | Me, too. |
| 29 | I'm going to be an uncle. Come here. |
| 30 | You're all going to be aunts and uncles. |
| 31 | Yeah, but I'm the only one related by blood. |
| 32 | Okay, great. |
| 33 | So now that you guys all know |
| 34 | you can help me, give me some advice |
| 35 | on how I'm going to tell Ross. |
| 36 | Well, what were you going to say? |
| 37 | Well, I was going to tell him I'm going to have the baby |
| 38 | and he can be as involved as he wants. |
| 39 | Well, that sounds good. |
| 40 | Yeah, but, you know, how do I start? |
| 41 | I mean, what's the first thing that I say? |
| 42 | Okay, great. Thanks. |
| 43 | Hey, good luck. |
| 44 | Yeah, bye. |
| 45 | Hey, what was that all about? |
| 46 | Well, I guess there's no harm in telling you now. |
| 47 | Rachel and Ross are going to have a baby. |
| 48 | ( high-pitched ): What?! |
| 49 | I didn't even know that... |
| 50 | Why didn't you tell me? |
| 51 | Why am I talking like this? |
| 52 | I didn't think you could keep it a secret. |
| 53 | ( high-pitched ): What?! |
| 54 | ( normal voice ): I am an excellent secret keeper. |
| 55 | I have kept all of our secrets. |
| 56 | What secrets? |
| 57 | Oh, no, no, Joey. I'm not going to tell you |
| 58 | because I am an excellent secret keeper. |
| 59 | Psst. You tell me later. |
| 60 | You already know. |
| 61 | ♪ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ♪ |
| 62 | ♪ Your job's a joke, you're broke ♪ |
| 63 | ♪ Your love life's DOA ♪ |
| 64 | ♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪ |
| 65 | ♪ When it hasn't been your day, your week ♪ |
| 66 | ♪ Your month, or even your year ♪ |
| 67 | ♪ But I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 68 | ♪ 'Cause you're there for me, too. ♪ |
| 69 | Oh, it's so romantic |
| 70 | to send people off on their honeymoon. |
| 71 | You know, Monica and Chandler are married. |
| 72 | Ross and Rachel are having a baby. |
| 73 | Maybe you and I should do something. |
| 74 | All in good time, my love. |
| 75 | All in good time. |
| 76 | Oh, shoot, I left my guitar in their apartment. |
| 77 | Well, you can let me in later, right? |
| 78 | No, I don't have a key. |
| 79 | They took mine to give to you. |
| 80 | What? They took mine to give to you. |
| 81 | Why would they take away our keys? |
| 82 | Maybe they don't trust us. |
| 83 | No, that's not it. They let me keep my key |
| 84 | the last time they were out of town. |
| 85 | You mean the time you broke the ketchup bottle |
| 86 | and cleaned it up with Monica's guest towels? |
| 87 | Hey, I washed those. |
| 88 | No, you didn't. |
| 89 | Yeah, that didn't sound like me. |
| 90 | Well, what am I going to do? |
| 91 | I really need my guitar. |
| 92 | Yeah, I have stuff in there, too. |
| 93 | What stuff? |
| 94 | Monica's chicken parm! |
| 95 | I'll take care of this. |
| 96 | Hey, Mr. Treeger, it's Joey Tribbiani. |
| 97 | Listen, I need to get into Monica and Chandler's apartment. |
| 98 | It's an emergency. |
| 99 | Uh, uh, gas leak. |
| 100 | Yeah, oh, and bring garlic bread. |
| 101 | Hey. Hey. |
| 102 | Did Rachel find you? |
| 103 | No, why? |
| 104 | Oh, she was looking for you. |
| 105 | Oh, well, I guess I'll catch up with her later. |
| 106 | Well, she really wanted to talk to you now. |
| 107 | Yeah, it seemed pretty important. |
| 108 | Oh, no. |
| 109 | What? |
| 110 | I think I might know what this is about. |
| 111 | Really? |
| 112 | Yeah, uh... |
| 113 | We promised we weren't going to tell anybody this |
| 114 | but, uh... |
| 115 | about a month ago, Rachel and I slept together. |
| 116 | And? |
| 117 | Wow, I thought you'd be a little more shocked. |
| 118 | Oh, sorry. |
| 119 | And? |
| 120 | Well, we said we'd just do it that one time |
| 121 | but now I think she may want to start things up again. |
| 122 | Yeah, I don't think that's what it is. |
| 123 | Why, what else could it be? |
| 124 | Oh, wow, I don't feel well. |
| 125 | No, I'm telling you, I'm telling you |
| 126 | that's what it is. |
| 127 | No wonder she was looking at me all funny during the wedding. |
| 128 | She didn't say anything to you? |
| 129 | Maybe it's something you ate. |
| 130 | Please, just go and talk to Rachel. |
| 131 | Yeah, I guess I should. |
| 132 | Man... you know what I have to realize? |
| 133 | Maybe I'm not the type of guy |
| 134 | women can have just one night with. |
| 135 | You know, they always seem to want a little bit more. |
| 136 | I should remember that. |
| 137 | Next. |
| 138 | They're kissing, let's just go around them. |
| 139 | Oh, honey, leave them alone. They're in love. |
| 140 | I'm in love, too. |
| 141 | But in an orderly fashion. |
| 142 | Next. |
| 143 | Hi. Can you do that and walk? |
| 144 | Because she said "next." |
| 145 | Oh. |
| 146 | Sorry. |
| 147 | We didn't hear you. |
| 148 | We're on our honeymoon. |
| 149 | Oh. |
| 150 | Let me see what I can do. |
| 151 | There are some first class seats available. |
| 152 | Did you hear that? |
| 153 | They bumped them up to first class |
| 154 | because they're on their honeymoon. |
| 155 | Come on, let's act like we're on our honeymoon. |
| 156 | We are on our honeymoon. |
| 157 | Grab my ass. |
| 158 | Next. |
| 159 | Hi. Sorry. |
| 160 | I almost didn't hear you because, you know |
| 161 | I'm just so in love with my new husband. |
| 162 | We're on our honeymoon. |
| 163 | Congratulations. Thanks. |
| 164 | Mr. Bing |
| 165 | you'll be in 25J |
| 166 | and Mrs. Bing, you're in 25K. |
| 167 | Uh, no, you see, we're on our honeymoon. |
| 168 | So, um, can you do your little thing |
| 169 | and bump us up to first class? |
| 170 | I'm sorry, all the first class seats are taken. |
| 171 | That couple got the last two. |
| 172 | You see? If we'd gone around them like I said |
| 173 | then she would've given us those tickets. |
| 174 | Damn it. |
| 175 | 25J and K. |
| 176 | Any chance those aren't together? |
| 177 | I still can't believe they took away my key. |
| 178 | You trust me with yours. |
| 179 | Of course I do. |
| 180 | And I'm going to get it back to you |
| 181 | just as soon as they're done with it |
| 182 | at the key shining place. |
| 183 | ( banging ) |
| 184 | What the hell is that? |
| 185 | Whoa, whoa, whoa. |
| 186 | Treeger, what are you doing? |
| 187 | Said there was a gas leak in here. |
| 188 | Well, why don't you use your key? |
| 189 | Because by the time I found it on this thing |
| 190 | the whole place might have exploded. |
| 191 | If that happens at another building that I manage |
| 192 | people are going to start asking questions. |
| 193 | Come on, hurry up. |
| 194 | Oh! |
| 195 | We could've done that. |
| 196 | Look at that, look at that. |
| 197 | They're going into the first class lounge. |
| 198 | Do you know what they have in there? |
| 199 | No. Me, neither. We have to get in! |
| 200 | Just act like you belong. |
| 201 | Oh, my God, oranges! Shh! |
| 202 | Nice to see you again. |
| 203 | Uh, sir. |
| 204 | May I see your tickets, please? |
| 205 | Yes, of course. |
| 206 | I'm sorry, would you move your thumb? I can't see the seat number. |
| 207 | Oh, that's all right, I have it memorized. It's 1A. |
| 208 | Sir, this is not a first class ticket. I'm sorry. |
| 209 | Apology accepted. Excuse us. |
| 210 | Sir, I'm afraid |
| 211 | I'm going to have to ask you to leave. |
| 212 | Fine. |
| 213 | Go! Go! Go! |
| 214 | Hi. Hi. |
| 215 | Hi. |
| 216 | Um... |
| 217 | I think there's something that we really need to talk about. |
| 218 | I think we do. |
| 219 | Why don't we go inside? |
| 220 | Okay. |
| 221 | Look, uh... |
| 222 | I know why you're here. |
| 223 | You do? Yeah. |
| 224 | And to save you from any embarrassment |
| 225 | I think maybe I should talk first. |
| 226 | Okay. |
| 227 | Okay? |
| 228 | Ross and Rachel... |
| 229 | Rachel and Ross... |
| 230 | That's been one heck of a seesaw, hasn't it? |
| 231 | What? |
| 232 | I mean, look, that... |
| 233 | that one night we had was fun |
| 234 | and certainly passionate. |
| 235 | But don't you think it's better if we just stay friends? |
| 236 | Seriously, what? |
| 237 | Okay, okay. |
| 238 | You know what? |
| 239 | If you want to... |
| 240 | we can do it one more time. |
| 241 | I mean, I'd be okay with that. |
| 242 | In fact, I have some time right now. |
| 243 | Okay, Ross. |
| 244 | You know what? |
| 245 | Can I talk now? |
| 246 | Oh, sure. |
| 247 | I'm pregnant. |
| 248 | Ross? |
| 249 | Ross? |
| 250 | Okay. |
| 251 | Whenever you're ready. |
| 252 | And you're the father, by the way, but you go. |
| 253 | Can I get you some water? |
| 254 | No, I'm good, I'm good. |
| 255 | Ross, there is no pressure on you, okay? |
| 256 | I mean, you can be as involved as you want. |
| 257 | Yeah, I, uh... |
| 258 | I'm just, I don't know. |
| 259 | I don't understand... |
| 260 | um... how this happened. |
| 261 | We-we used a condom. |
| 262 | I know, I know |
| 263 | but, you know, condoms only work |
| 264 | like, 97% of the time. |
| 265 | Wh-what? |
| 266 | What?! |
| 267 | Well, they should put that on the box! |
| 268 | They do. |
| 269 | No, they don't! |
| 270 | Well, they should put it in huge block letters! |
| 271 | Okay, Ross, come on. Let's forget about the condoms. |
| 272 | Oh, well, I may as well have! |
| 273 | Listen, you know what? I was really freaked out, too, when I found out... |
| 274 | Freaked out, hey, I'm not freaked out. |
| 275 | I'm indignant as a consumer. |
| 276 | You know what, let's talk later. |
| 277 | No, no, I want to talk now, okay? |
| 278 | In fact, I want to talk |
| 279 | to the president of the condom company. |
| 280 | Okay, you know what? Maybe I should come back. |
| 281 | Shh! Okay. |
| 282 | Yeah, I'll press one! |
| 283 | I looked everywhere. There's no gas leak. |
| 284 | Huh. So, then I can heat this up? |
| 285 | Anyway, I'll get moving on that new door. |
| 286 | Oh, great, and listen, could you do us a favor |
| 287 | and not tell Chandler and Monica about this |
| 288 | 'cause, you know, they don't... |
| 289 | they don't have any kids of their own |
| 290 | and this door was... |
| 291 | like a child to them. |
| 292 | Well, I'm going to have to put on a new lock. |
| 293 | They'll find out anyway. |
| 294 | Oh, no. |
| 295 | This looks like an all-day job. |
| 296 | I'm going to have to cancel my yoga class. |
| 297 | Hey, Ross. Hey. |
| 298 | Would you tell Jasmine I can't make it to yoga class today? |
| 299 | Sure. Namaste. |
| 300 | Namaste. |
| 301 | Oh, my God, what happened to the door? |
| 302 | So it's noticeable, huh? |
| 303 | Look, is Rachel here? I really need to talk to her. |
| 304 | Didn't you two already talk? |
| 305 | Yeah, but... |
| 306 | Okay, okay, look-- you guys know |
| 307 | that Rachel and I slept together |
| 308 | but there's something else. |
| 309 | Rachel's pregnant. |
| 310 | Holy mother of God! Oh, my God, can't believe it! |
| 311 | With my child. |
| 312 | That is brand-new information! |
| 313 | You already know, don't you? |
| 314 | Little bit. |
| 315 | How you doing? |
| 316 | Okay, okay. |
| 317 | I mean, I'll be okay. |
| 318 | It's just, I don't think I handled it very well. |
| 319 | Well, what'd you say to her? |
| 320 | Nothing. |
| 321 | But the complaint department at the condom company |
| 322 | got an earful. |
| 323 | And then, when I turned around, she was gone. |
| 324 | Oh, Ross. |
| 325 | But, hey, in my defense, I just found out |
| 326 | that condoms are only, like, 97% effective. |
| 327 | What? |
| 328 | I got to go find her. |
| 329 | Whoa, hey, hold on! |
| 330 | Are you serious? |
| 331 | So, like, three percent of the time |
| 332 | they don't even work? |
| 333 | Huh? They should put that on the box! |
| 334 | Evidently, they do. |
| 335 | What? |
| 336 | I can't believe we're here. |
| 337 | Oh, you got to be kidding me. What? |
| 338 | ( gasps ) |
| 339 | As a wedding gift to you, the hotel would like |
| 340 | to give you the honeymoon suite. |
| 341 | No, you have been screwing us all day! |
| 342 | Who are you? |
| 343 | We're you, |
| 344 | just ten seconds later! |
| 345 | You already got the first class tickets. You got the lounge. |
| 346 | I mean, we should get free stuff, too! |
| 347 | I mean, you're not the only ones on your honeymoon! |
| 348 | Well, you can have the suite if you want. |
| 349 | We don't care about where we stay. |
| 350 | We're here to celebrate our love for each other. |
| 351 | We don't have to get free stuff. |
| 352 | We just want to be together. |
| 353 | We need the stuff. |
| 354 | Hey, Monica, it's Joey. |
| 355 | Listen, Phoebe and I |
| 356 | smell gas coming from your apartment. |
| 357 | What, are you serious? |
| 358 | Joey smells gas. |
| 359 | What else is new? |
| 360 | Yeah, and we'd go check it out, but you took away our keys. |
| 361 | Well, do something. |
| 362 | Get in there! |
| 363 | How? |
| 364 | I guess I could break down your door. |
| 365 | Yeah, do that! |
| 366 | And you won't blame us for any damage? |
| 367 | No! |
| 368 | Are you doing it? I don't hear anything, come on! |
| 369 | Uh, okay, I'll break it down. |
| 370 | Okay, hi, he's doing it. |
| 371 | He's breaking down the door. |
| 372 | Okay, we're in. |
| 373 | Okay, Rachel, you comfortable? |
| 374 | If I said I was, would you judge me? |
| 375 | The doctor will be here in a minute |
| 376 | to do your sonogram. |
| 377 | Okay. |
| 378 | ( sighs ) |
| 379 | Oh, man, I swear |
| 380 | if they sold these at Pottery Barn... |
| 381 | Hi. Hi. |
| 382 | We need to talk. |
| 383 | R-right now? 'Cause I kind of got |
| 384 | an alfresco situation going on over here. |
| 385 | Please, please, I really... I want to apologize |
| 386 | for the way I acted earlier today. |
| 387 | Okay, Ross, that's fine, but can you please stay up near my head? |
| 388 | What, oh, yeah, sorry. |
| 389 | I mean, I think I went a little crazy. |
| 390 | I was thinking about myself |
| 391 | when I really, I should have been thinking about you. |
| 392 | Head, Ross, head, Ross, head, Ross. |
| 393 | Right. I just-- |
| 394 | I want you to know that I'm going to be there |
| 395 | through this whole thing, okay, okay? |
| 396 | The doctor's appointments |
| 397 | the Lamaze classes, |
| 398 | baby-proofing the apartment-- |
| 399 | although we could probably worry about that |
| 400 | till after we get married. |
| 401 | Married? Well, yeah. |
| 402 | I think we should get married. |
| 403 | What, because that's your answer to everything? |
| 404 | No, because that's the right thing to do. |
| 405 | Yeah, maybe, if you're in love. |
| 406 | But Ross, we are not in love, are we? |
| 407 | No, but... |
| 408 | But still, I mean, you can't possibly do this alone. |
| 409 | Excuse me? |
| 410 | Come on, Rach. |
| 411 | I mean, you can't even eat alone in a restaurant. |
| 412 | What? |
| 413 | I'm just saying, if you can't eat by yourself |
| 414 | how do you expect to have a baby by yourself? |
| 415 | I can too eat by myself. |
| 416 | When have you ever? |
| 417 | When certain people leave the table |
| 418 | and I am not finished. |
| 419 | Well, certain other people |
| 420 | take two hours to eat a bowl of soup. |
| 421 | Oh, please, you inhale your food. |
| 422 | I grew up with Monica. |
| 423 | If you didn't eat fast, you didn't eat! |
| 424 | ( knocking ) |
| 425 | Am I interrupting? Oh, no, Dr. Long. |
| 426 | Please come in. This is Ross. He is the father. |
| 427 | But not the husband because evidently, she can do this alone. |
| 428 | Oh, nice to meet you. |
| 429 | I'll get started on this. |
| 430 | I don't know why you can't admit that you need me. |
| 431 | I do need you-- I need you to stay near my head! |
| 432 | Okay, everything looks good. |
| 433 | Here it is on the screen. |
| 434 | There's your uterus |
| 435 | and right here... |
| 436 | is your baby. |
| 437 | Oh, my God. |
| 438 | Wow. |
| 439 | There it is, I see it. |
| 440 | Congratulations. |
| 441 | I'll give you two a minute. |
| 442 | Thank you. |
| 443 | Pretty amazing, huh? |
| 444 | I don't see it! |
| 445 | ( crying ) |
| 446 | What? What? |
| 447 | I can't see it! |
| 448 | You-you just said that you did. |
| 449 | I know. I lied. |
| 450 | I didn't want her to think I was a terrible mother. |
| 451 | I can't even see my own baby! |
| 452 | Oh, sure, come here. |
| 453 | Sure you can. |
| 454 | Come here, look. |
| 455 | It-it's right there. |
| 456 | Oh. |
| 457 | Oh, it's beautiful. |
| 458 | I see it now. |
| 459 | Do you really? |
| 460 | No, I don't see it! |
| 461 | Okay, come on, come on. |
| 462 | Okay, okay, you see this-this tiny thing |
| 463 | that looks like a peanut? |
| 464 | Yeah. |
| 465 | Sweetie, that's it. |
| 466 | That's it? |
| 467 | Well, I saw that! |
| 468 | ( giggles ) |
| 469 | Oh, thank you. |
| 470 | You're welcome. |
| 471 | Wow. |
| 472 | I can't believe that's our baby. |
| 473 | Yeah, that's our baby. |
| 474 | Hi. Hey. |
| 475 | So, how was the doctor? |
| 476 | Oh, everything went great. |
| 477 | Oh, good. Oh, hey, |
| 478 | show them the picture of your uterus. |
| 479 | Aw. |
| 480 | I don't see the baby. Where is it? |
| 481 | Oh, no, I know. I couldn't see it either at first |
| 482 | but it's right, um... |
| 483 | Ross, I lost it again. |
| 484 | Oh... |
| 485 | |
| 1 | Wait. |
| 2 | Before we go in |
| 3 | I just want you to know that... I love you |
| 4 | and I had a great time on our honeymoon |
| 5 | and I can't wait to go in there |
| 6 | and spend the rest of our life together. |
| 7 | You're really sticking with the shell necklace, huh? |
| 8 | Hey, you're back! |
| 9 | Hey, sweetie. Hey. |
| 10 | Come on in! |
| 11 | Yeah, come on! |
| 12 | So how was the honeymoon? |
| 13 | Oh, it was so much fun, but the best part is |
| 14 | we met this incredible couple on the flight back. |
| 15 | That was the best part? |
| 16 | Good honeymooning, tiger. |
| 17 | No, they were really cool |
| 18 | and they were on their honeymoon, too. |
| 19 | They're terrific, and they live right here in the city. |
| 20 | Yeah, can we go call them? |
| 21 | I want to call. |
| 22 | I'm sorry, we're just kind of excited |
| 23 | 'cause we finally have a couple to hang out with. |
| 24 | A couple? |
| 25 | Like two people? |
| 26 | Like one, two people? |
| 27 | This is different. |
| 28 | Greg and Jenny are in a relationship. |
| 29 | Ugh, Greg and Jenny, ugh. |
| 30 | "Hi, Greg, I'm Chandler, this is Monica. |
| 31 | "Hi, Monica, this is Jenny. |
| 32 | Hi, Jenny. Hi, Greg." |
| 33 | Listen, they are really great. |
| 34 | If you just got a chance to... |
| 35 | You know what? |
| 36 | Why don't you just |
| 37 | give us our souvenirs |
| 38 | and get the hell out of here? |
| 39 | Yeah, we didn't get a chance to... |
| 40 | You've got to be kidding me! |
| 41 | We didn't get anything for anyone. |
| 42 | Mm-hmm, yeah-- nice necklace. |
| 43 | That you can have. |
| 44 | ♪ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ♪ |
| 45 | ♪ Your job's a joke, you're broke ♪ |
| 46 | ♪ Your love life's D.O.A. ♪ |
| 47 | ♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪ |
| 48 | ♪ When it hasn't been your day, your week ♪ |
| 49 | ♪ Your month, or even your year ♪ |
| 50 | ♪ But I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 51 | ♪ 'Cause you're there for me, too. ♪ |
| 52 | Hi! |
| 53 | Hello. |
| 54 | Welcome home. |
| 55 | So, how was the honeymoon? |
| 56 | It was great, it was great. |
| 57 | But how about you? |
| 58 | I mean, you're having a baby. |
| 59 | Oh, look, I have a sonogram picture. |
| 60 | Oh, good. |
| 61 | Ross |
| 62 | it's got your wavy black lines. |
| 63 | All right |
| 64 | so now that Ross knows, can you tell us how it happened? |
| 65 | I mean, when did it happen? |
| 66 | How many times did it happen? |
| 67 | Monica, that's not right. |
| 68 | Start with "where." |
| 69 | Okay. Well, it happened about six weeks ago |
| 70 | and I had just gotten home from work |
| 71 | and Ross was already there |
| 72 | because I guess he'd been hanging out with Joey. |
| 73 | You're welcome, buddy. |
| 74 | Yeah, thanks. |
| 75 | And so, I had a lot of work to do |
| 76 | and Ross, nice guy that he is |
| 77 | offered to help me out |
| 78 | and then we had a little wine, we got to talking. |
| 79 | The next thing you know, out of nowhere |
| 80 | Ross comes on to me. |
| 81 | Um, that's, that's a little misleading. |
| 82 | What is? |
| 83 | The lie you just told. |
| 84 | That you came on to me? |
| 85 | There's the one. |
| 86 | But you did. |
| 87 | I mean, let's be honest. |
| 88 | Yes, let's. |
| 89 | You know what, uh, it's not important. |
| 90 | What's important is that we're having a baby. |
| 91 | it doesn't matter who came on to who. |
| 92 | Whom. |
| 93 | That's right. |
| 94 | You know you kissed me first. |
| 95 | W-what?! You were begging me |
| 96 | to kiss you. |
| 97 | You, you, you were sending me signals all over the place. |
| 98 | I was sending you signals? Yeah. |
| 99 | Okay, anyone in this room think |
| 100 | that I would actually send Ross begging signals |
| 101 | please, show of hands. |
| 102 | You know what? it doesn't matter. |
| 103 | It doesn't matter what people believe. |
| 104 | What matters is what happened. |
| 105 | Okay. Well, so these signals... |
| 106 | Ross, explain this 'cause maybe I need to be more careful. |
| 107 | I mean, am I sending you these signals right now? |
| 108 | You know what? You know what? |
| 109 | Rachel, just drop it. |
| 110 | No, please-- show me how I begged you. |
| 111 | I can show you. |
| 112 | I have it on videotape. |
| 113 | It's an expression. |
| 114 | I can't believe he taped the two of them having sex. |
| 115 | Yeah. |
| 116 | You got to tell the girl before you tape her. |
| 117 | Such a rookie mistake. |
| 118 | You know who has a great video camera? |
| 119 | Greg and Jenny? |
| 120 | Do you still want to call them? |
| 121 | I want to call them. |
| 122 | Let's call them. |
| 123 | Yeah, ask them if they brought |
| 124 | their friends any souvenirs. |
| 125 | Hello? Eighth Street Deli? |
| 126 | Hey, hang up. |
| 127 | You get food poisoning just talking to that place. |
| 128 | Uh, sorry. Wrong number. |
| 129 | Here you go, babe. |
| 130 | Hello? |
| 131 | It's the deli again. |
| 132 | All right, I'll have a sandwich. |
| 133 | I don't think this number's right. |
| 134 | ( laughing ) |
| 135 | What? |
| 136 | You got fake numbered. |
| 137 | People don't do that. |
| 138 | Oh, I think we do. |
| 139 | They gave us a fake number? |
| 140 | Why would they do that? |
| 141 | I don't know. |
| 142 | You were a delight to talk to. |
| 143 | You asked those insightful, great questions. |
| 144 | And you've never been funnier. |
| 145 | I mean-- joke, joke, joke, joke. |
| 146 | I mean, you were a hoot. |
| 147 | You know what-- don't worry about it. |
| 148 | You still got me and Phoebe. |
| 149 | Excuse me, I don't want Greg and Jenny's rejects. |
| 150 | Rachel won't talk to me. |
| 151 | She won't even open the door. |
| 152 | Mm, I wonder why, pervert? |
| 153 | Okay, listen, I am not a pervert. |
| 154 | That's like the pervert motto. |
| 155 | Yeah, they have you raise your right hand |
| 156 | put your left hand down your pants, and repeat that. |
| 157 | Look, filming Rachel was not something I planned. |
| 158 | Okay look, here's what happened |
| 159 | and Joey, you can back me up on this. |
| 160 | All right, about a month and a half ago |
| 161 | remember I came to you with a problem? |
| 162 | Um, uh, a personal thing? |
| 163 | What personal thing? |
| 164 | About... about sex? |
| 165 | That I hadn't had sex in months. |
| 166 | Yeah, I knew what you were talking about. |
| 167 | Hey. |
| 168 | Hey. |
| 169 | Do you have a minute? |
| 170 | I'd like to talk to you about something |
| 171 | I'm really uncomfortable talking about. |
| 172 | Sure. |
| 173 | How about, uh, you showering with your mom? |
| 174 | I actually had a topic in mind. |
| 175 | I'm kind of going through a dry spell... sex-wise. |
| 176 | Oh, for like, months? |
| 177 | Five, to be... lying. Six. |
| 178 | Six months? |
| 179 | Whoa, that's rough. |
| 180 | Well, I mean, it's not all bad. |
| 181 | I'm learning to appreciate |
| 182 | the, uh, smaller things in life |
| 183 | like the sound of a bird... and the color of the sky. |
| 184 | The sky's blue, Ross, and I had sex yesterday. |
| 185 | Please help me. |
| 186 | I have a date tonight. |
| 187 | It has to go well, okay? |
| 188 | I'm scared for my health. |
| 189 | Okay, okay. Um, ooh, oh, I got something. |
| 190 | Okay, it's this story that I came up with. |
| 191 | Very romantic. |
| 192 | I swear, any woman that hears it, they're like putty. |
| 193 | Really, well, then, tell it to me. |
| 194 | Okay. Now you're going |
| 195 | to want to have sex with me when you hear it |
| 196 | but you have to remember, it is just the story. |
| 197 | I'll try to control myself. |
| 198 | Okay. |
| 199 | ( clearing throat ) |
| 200 | Years ago, when I was backpacking |
| 201 | across Western Europe... |
| 202 | You were backpacking across Western Europe? |
| 203 | Have a nice six more months, Ross. |
| 204 | Okay, okay! I'm sorry. |
| 205 | Please, please, you were in Western Europe and...? |
| 206 | I was just outside of Barcelona |
| 207 | hiking in the foothills of Mount Tibidabo. |
| 208 | I was at the end of this path |
| 209 | and I came to a clearing |
| 210 | and there was a lake, very secluded |
| 211 | and there were tall trees all around. |
| 212 | It was dead silent, gorgeous. |
| 213 | And across the lake |
| 214 | I saw a beautiful woman bathing herself |
| 215 | but she was crying. |
| 216 | Why? |
| 217 | Mmm, this is great wine. |
| 218 | It's from France. |
| 219 | In Europe. |
| 220 | Western Europe. |
| 221 | You know, um, a few years ago |
| 222 | uh, actually I was backpacking |
| 223 | across Western Europe. |
| 224 | Really? Mm-hmm, wait. |
| 225 | It gets better. |
| 226 | Um, yeah, I was in, um, Barcelona. |
| 227 | I studied for a year in Barcelona. |
| 228 | Anyway, um, so I was, um, I was hiking... |
| 229 | I love hiking. |
| 230 | Ahhh! That's great! |
| 231 | I was hiking along the foothills |
| 232 | of Mount Tibidabo... |
| 233 | I think it's Tiba-DAH-bo. |
| 234 | Okay, do you want to tell the story?! |
| 235 | Whoa. |
| 236 | What are you doing here? How'd your date go? |
| 237 | Great. I'm across the street having sex with her right now. |
| 238 | Your story sucks! |
| 239 | Hey, look, if it didn't work |
| 240 | it's 'cause you didn't tell it right. |
| 241 | Show me how you did it. |
| 242 | No. No, I don't want to. |
| 243 | How long since you've seen a girl naked? |
| 244 | I was backpacking across Western Europe... |
| 245 | No, I'm not feeling it. |
| 246 | I was just outside of Barcelona, hiking... |
| 247 | No, no, Ross-- I'm not hot. |
| 248 | Are you hot? |
| 249 | It's been six months. |
| 250 | I'm always hot. |
| 251 | Well, you're not selling the story. |
| 252 | It's like you don't believe it. |
| 253 | Look, I've got to go. |
| 254 | I've got a date. |
| 255 | But try this-- do what I do |
| 256 | when I'm preparing for an audition, okay? |
| 257 | I'll set you up with my video camera |
| 258 | and you can record yourself, and see what you're doing wrong. |
| 259 | I'll try that. |
| 260 | All right, now... |
| 261 | you're all set up. |
| 262 | Just hit "record," all right? Good luck. |
| 263 | Thanks. |
| 264 | And, hey, Joe, listen-- |
| 265 | If you ever have any problems with the ladies |
| 266 | you know I'll help you out. |
| 267 | That means a lot to me, man. |
| 268 | ( sighs ) |
| 269 | Hello. |
| 270 | Can I get you anything, huh? |
| 271 | Lens cleaner? Your battery okay? |
| 272 | Rachel? |
| 273 | Oh, Ross. |
| 274 | Hi. |
| 275 | Thank God you're here. |
| 276 | You have to help me. |
| 277 | Were you just talking to yourself? |
| 278 | That's less embarrassing. |
| 279 | Yes, yes, I was. |
| 280 | So when she came in, I got distracted |
| 281 | and totally forgot about the camera. |
| 282 | It kept rolling and recorded everything. |
| 283 | Yeah, we're going to need to see that tape. |
| 284 | Yeah. Yeah. |
| 285 | What a great idea. |
| 286 | That'll get Rachel to forgive me. |
| 287 | You know what? This is not fair to her. |
| 288 | Let's just forget the tape. |
| 289 | Thank you. |
| 290 | No. |
| 291 | You're right. |
| 292 | Joey, no. |
| 293 | Loud and clear. |
| 294 | I still don't get why |
| 295 | Greg and Jenny would give us a fake number. |
| 296 | You know, if they knew what they were doing |
| 297 | they probably didn't give you real names, either. |
| 298 | Okay, maybe people give out fake numbers |
| 299 | but they don't give out fake names. |
| 300 | Oh, yeah? |
| 301 | Hi, Ken Adams. Nice to meet you. |
| 302 | Regina Phelangie. |
| 303 | I just don't get it. We didn't do anything wrong. |
| 304 | MONICA: I know. |
| 305 | Although, you did tell an awful lot of jokes. |
| 306 | I thought you said those jokes were funny. |
| 307 | Joke, joke, joke, joke. |
| 308 | Joke, joke, blah, blah. |
| 309 | Well, maybe it was all of your questions. |
| 310 | What about my questions? |
| 311 | The sheer volume. |
| 312 | It was like flying with the Riddler. |
| 313 | Oh, I'm sorry, was that another joke? |
| 314 | Was that another question? |
| 315 | Hey, is Ross still here? |
| 316 | Uh, no, Rach, he's gone, but listen-- |
| 317 | he told us what happened |
| 318 | and it does, it sounds like an honest mistake. |
| 319 | Oh, really? |
| 320 | Well, how would you like it |
| 321 | if I had sex with you and I taped it? |
| 322 | Oh, forget it. |
| 323 | Oh, and there he is now, the father of my child |
| 324 | the porn king of the West Village. |
| 325 | Look, it was an accident, okay? |
| 326 | I feel bad that it happened |
| 327 | but I swear I didn't even watch it. |
| 328 | Anyway... here. |
| 329 | I thought you might be more comfortable |
| 330 | destroying it yourself. |
| 331 | Thank you. |
| 332 | ALL: No! No! No! No! |
| 333 | What? |
| 334 | ALL: You can't do it! |
| 335 | You don't want to see this, do you? |
| 336 | Hell, yeah! |
| 337 | I am not going |
| 338 | to show you this. |
| 339 | No, not the sex part. |
| 340 | Just the stuff leading up to it. |
| 341 | Forget it. She's destroying it. |
| 342 | Okay, fine! Fine! |
| 343 | We'll just have to think of some other way |
| 344 | to put the whole "Who came on to who" |
| 345 | thing to rest. |
| 346 | Come on now, think! |
| 347 | Look, forget it, Phoebe, okay? |
| 348 | It's Rachel's tape |
| 349 | and she can do whatever she wants with it |
| 350 | and she wants to destroy it. |
| 351 | So, end of story. |
| 352 | I want to see it. |
| 353 | What? |
| 354 | Clearly you don't want people to see this tape. |
| 355 | Now I don't want people to see this tape either |
| 356 | but you so badly don't want people to see it |
| 357 | that it makes me want to see it, do you see? |
| 358 | Are we watching the tape or not?! |
| 359 | I don't want people to see it for your sake. |
| 360 | Oh, I don't believe you. |
| 361 | I think you don't want them to see you begging me. |
| 362 | Rachel, please. |
| 363 | Ah, a little preview. |
| 364 | Fine. |
| 365 | Fine, but I want the record to show |
| 366 | that I tried to take the high road |
| 367 | because in about five minutes |
| 368 | I'm going to be saying... ( laughing ) |
| 369 | Okay, here we go. |
| 370 | I'm so happy. |
| 371 | Oh, thank God you're here, Ross. |
| 372 | I need you to help me. |
| 373 | Were you just talking to yourself? |
| 374 | Yup, there I am. |
| 375 | ( singsong ): You're going to get pregnant. |
| 376 | I screwed up so bad. |
| 377 | I told Monica that I would stuff |
| 378 | and send all these wedding invitations |
| 379 | like, weeks ago, and I... |
| 380 | You didn't do it? |
| 381 | I, I, I had put them in my desk at work |
| 382 | and I completely forgot about them until today. |
| 383 | ROSS: See? Once you get a rhythm going |
| 384 | this isn't hard at all. |
| 385 | Sweetie, sweetie, it's okay. |
| 386 | Everybody made it to the wedding. I'm fine. |
| 387 | Kind of hurting my hand, though. |
| 388 | I know. |
| 389 | I cannot believe that I did this |
| 390 | especially after Monica just went |
| 391 | on and on and on about it. |
| 392 | "Okay, Rachel. Here are the invitations, Rachel. |
| 393 | "Now be very careful, Rachel. |
| 394 | Please, drinking no liquids around the invitations, Rachel." |
| 395 | Whoa, oh, oh, oh, oh... oh, oh, oh... |
| 396 | Did you do it on our invitations? |
| 397 | Not on the ones we sent out. |
| 398 | Oh, so, just the ones you gave back to us and we had framed? |
| 399 | Can you believe this is already happening? |
| 400 | I mean, it seems like yesterday |
| 401 | they just got engaged. |
| 402 | I know. Hey, remember |
| 403 | remember the night they got engaged? |
| 404 | How you and I almost... |
| 405 | Oh, I remember how we almost... |
| 406 | Do you think we would have gone through with it |
| 407 | you know, if we hadn't gotten caught? |
| 408 | Do you think we would have done it? |
| 409 | I mean, I... I know I wanted to |
| 410 | I just wasn't sure if you wanted to. |
| 411 | Oh, I wanted to. |
| 412 | So we... |
| 413 | we both wanted to. |
| 414 | Interesting. |
| 415 | Yeah. |
| 416 | Mm. Anyway, um... |
| 417 | probably worked out for the best. |
| 418 | Yeah, sure. |
| 419 | Okay, in about ten seconds, you're going to see him kiss me. |
| 420 | And in about five seconds, you're going to see why. |
| 421 | Ross, did I ever tell you |
| 422 | about the time that I went backpacking |
| 423 | through Western Europe? |
| 424 | It was just outside Barcelona |
| 425 | in the foothills of Mount Tibidabo. |
| 426 | Okay, get ready to see some begging. |
| 427 | I'd been riding a donkey all day. |
| 428 | Oh, you came on to Ross. |
| 429 | What? |
| 430 | Now I'm so happy. |
| 431 | What are you talking about? |
| 432 | You used the Europe story. |
| 433 | That's the magic story you use when you want to have sex! |
| 434 | How do you know about that story?! |
| 435 | How do you know about that story? |
| 436 | I heard it from my friend Irene, who heard it from some guy. |
| 437 | Some guy! |
| 438 | No, no. She told me that his name was Ken Adams. |
| 439 | Ken Adams! |
| 440 | ( knocking ) |
| 441 | Hi. |
| 442 | So, apparently, people are familiar with the Europe story? |
| 443 | Yeah, listen, about that-- |
| 444 | the whole "Who came on to who" thing |
| 445 | really doesn't matter. |
| 446 | I mean, I think it would have happened either way. |
| 447 | I mean, if you hadn't initiated it |
| 448 | I know I would have. |
| 449 | It was an amazing night. |
| 450 | It was. It was an amazing night. |
| 451 | Do you think it looked amazing? |
| 452 | I, uh, I don't know. |
| 453 | I mean, I honestly didn't watch it. |
| 454 | Yeah, me neither... yet. |
| 455 | Uh, that, that may be weird. |
| 456 | Yeah, it would be really weird. |
| 457 | Good luck. |
| 458 | Good luck to you. |
| 459 | Mind if I mute? |
| 460 | Oh, please. |
| 461 | Oh. There, there go the clothes. |
| 462 | You are undressing awfully quickly. |
| 463 | Six months, Rachel, six months. |
| 464 | Right. |
| 465 | ( both sigh ) |
| 466 | Hey. Huh. |
| 467 | We, we look pretty good. |
| 468 | I was going to say. |
| 469 | Whoa, nice tan. |
| 470 | Thank you. |
| 471 | I had just gone to the beach that weekend. |
| 472 | Ah. |
| 473 | Oh. Have you been working out? |
| 474 | I had been working out. |
| 475 | Well, this is so much better than I ever... |
| 476 | Oh. Oh. |
| 477 | Ew. Ew. |
| 478 | Oh, that's not pretty. |
| 479 | Oh. Oh. Oh, God. Oh! Oh, no! |
| 480 | Oh, make it stop. |
| 481 | No, no! |
| 482 | Make it stop! |
| 483 | No! Make it stop! |
| 484 | Hello, Greg? |
| 485 | Hi, this is Monica from the plane. |
| 486 | Listen, the number that you gave me, 853-5... |
| 487 | That is their old number! |
| 488 | Jenny's been giving it out since they moved. |
| 489 | Jenny. That is so Jenny. |
| 490 | I know. |
| 491 | Hey, listen |
| 492 | how would you like to get together |
| 493 | say, next Saturday? |
| 494 | Okay, how about Sunday? |
| 495 | Okay, um, the week after that? |
| 496 | The week after that? |
| 497 | You know what, Greg? You know what? |
| 498 | We are good, interesting, funny people |
| 499 | with good questions |
| 500 | and if you and your precious Jenny |
| 501 | can't see that, then... |
| 502 | January 15th? |
| 503 | We'll see you then. |
| 504 | [Captioned by The Caption Center WGBH Educational Foundation] |
| 505 | |
| 1 | Okay, this one's rare. |
| 2 | This one is medium well. |
| 3 | Now go, go, go! |
| 4 | Hey, Phoebe! Hey! |
| 5 | Hey, how was dinner?! |
| 6 | Dinner was good! |
| 7 | Just saying hi! Now I'm going to go! |
| 8 | Oh. Well, hello there. |
| 9 | Hi. |
| 10 | I didn't see this on the menu. |
| 11 | Oh, uh, Tim |
| 12 | this is Phoebe, Phoebe, this is Tim |
| 13 | my new sous-chef. |
| 14 | Oh, so your Monica's boss? |
| 15 | Actually, she's my boss. |
| 16 | "Sous" is French for "under." |
| 17 | Ah! I sous-stand. |
| 18 | Hey, Tim. |
| 19 | I need a calamari and a Caesar salad |
| 20 | and could you give me the pesto? |
| 21 | Yeah. |
| 22 | You-you made pesto? |
| 23 | Yes, I did. |
| 24 | Would you say your pesto is the best-o? |
| 25 | I don't know, but I would say it's pretty good-o. |
| 26 | ( laughing ) |
| 27 | All right, I still need the calamari and the Caesar salad. |
| 28 | I like your necklace. |
| 29 | Oh, I made it myself. |
| 30 | You are so talented. |
| 31 | Well, it's no pesto. |
| 32 | All right, all right, let's just cut to the chase, okay? |
| 33 | You're single, you're single. |
| 34 | He gets off work at 11:00. |
| 35 | She'll be waiting for your call. |
| 36 | I'll give him your number |
| 37 | if I could just get one calamari and one Caesar salad! |
| 38 | I did not yell. |
| 39 | I am not putting a dollar in the jar. |
| 40 | ♪ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ♪ |
| 41 | ♪ Your job's a joke, you're broke ♪ |
| 42 | ♪ Your love life's D.O.A. ♪ |
| 43 | ♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪ |
| 44 | ♪ When it hasn't been your day, your week ♪ |
| 45 | ♪ Your month, or even your year ♪ |
| 46 | ♪ But I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 47 | ♪ 'Cause you're there for me, too. ♪ |
| 48 | Wow, Bing. |
| 49 | Burning the midnight oil. |
| 50 | You know me, sir. |
| 51 | Oh, uh, I do have a question for you. |
| 52 | Do you know how I can get around the office computer network |
| 53 | so I can access the really good Internet porn? |
| 54 | ( laughing ) |
| 55 | You're a joker, Bing. |
| 56 | What's funny about that? |
| 57 | Hey, sorry I kept you waiting so long. |
| 58 | Hey, that's okay. |
| 59 | So, where do you want to go? |
| 60 | Oh, uh, I think you know where I want to go. |
| 61 | The Hard Rock Cafe? |
| 62 | Yeah. |
| 63 | Again? |
| 64 | Yeah! |
| 65 | I'm telling you, I like the food. |
| 66 | You like the Purple Rain display. |
| 67 | Hey, Bob. |
| 68 | Hey, Toby, have a good night. |
| 69 | Did that guy just call you Toby? |
| 70 | Yeah, he thinks that's my name. |
| 71 | Well, why don't you correct him? |
| 72 | Oh, it's been going on way too long now. |
| 73 | I mean, the first time he said it |
| 74 | we were just passing each other in the hallway |
| 75 | so I didn't say anything |
| 76 | and then the next time he said |
| 77 | "Hey, Toby, you want a doughnut?" |
| 78 | and, I-I wanted a doughnut. |
| 79 | And now it's five years later |
| 80 | the doughnut's gone and I'm still Toby. |
| 81 | Five years? Chandler, you have to tell him. |
| 82 | No, that would be so awkward. |
| 83 | Look, besides, we work in different departments. |
| 84 | He's on the sixth floor, you know. |
| 85 | So he calls me Toby once in a while. |
| 86 | What's the big deal? |
| 87 | Could be worse. |
| 88 | It's not like he's calling me Muriel. |
| 89 | Muriel. |
| 90 | Why would he call you Muriel? |
| 91 | Oh, my God. |
| 92 | Chandler M. Bing. |
| 93 | It's not just an "M." |
| 94 | Your middle name is Muriel! |
| 95 | Shh! |
| 96 | It is a family name. |
| 97 | Chandler Muriel Bing. |
| 98 | Boy, your parents never even gave you a chance, did they? |
| 99 | Drake, I've discovered the reason for all |
| 100 | your headaches and memory loss. |
| 101 | What is it? |
| 102 | Apparently your brain transplant was not entirely successful. |
| 103 | It seems your body is rejecting Jessica's brain. |
| 104 | Is it serious? |
| 105 | Not if we extract tissue from the original host body |
| 106 | synthesize antibodies, and introduce them into your system |
| 107 | which could stop it from rejecting the brain. |
| 108 | Well, that sounds simple enough. |
| 109 | Let's just do that. |
| 110 | We would |
| 111 | but when we went to exhume Jessica's body |
| 112 | it was gone. |
| 113 | DIRECTOR: Cut! Very nice, people. |
| 114 | Okay, let me just get changed, then we can go to dinner. |
| 115 | Well, what happened to Jessica's body? |
| 116 | I'm not telling. You'll have to see it on TV. |
| 117 | You don't know, do you? |
| 118 | No. Couldn't care less. |
| 119 | Hey, good scene, man. |
| 120 | Hey, you, too. |
| 121 | All right. |
| 122 | ( clearing throat ) |
| 123 | What? You weren't in it. |
| 124 | Oh! |
| 125 | Oh, sorry. |
| 126 | Uh, Cash, this is my friend Rachel. |
| 127 | Rachel, Cash. Cash, Rachel. |
| 128 | Hi. Hi. |
| 129 | So how come I haven't seen you here before? |
| 130 | Well, Joey probably just thinks I'll embarrass him. |
| 131 | He thinks I'm some kind of a soap opera nut. |
| 132 | Which I'm not, I'm not. |
| 133 | ( laughing ) |
| 134 | Although, I do know |
| 135 | that your favorite ice cream flavor is butter pecan |
| 136 | and, uh, and that your dog's name is Wally. |
| 137 | Well, look at that, I'm just stroking your arm. |
| 138 | Here we go! Here we go. |
| 139 | Oh, we're leaving. |
| 140 | Bye, Cash. Bye. |
| 141 | Say hi to Wally. |
| 142 | Ooh, Monica. |
| 143 | Hi. |
| 144 | Oh, my God. |
| 145 | I had the best time with Tim last night. |
| 146 | He is so sweet. |
| 147 | Oh, I can't wait to get sous-neath him. |
| 148 | Uh... |
| 149 | I, I have to fire him. |
| 150 | But why? |
| 151 | Because he's terrible. Okay? |
| 152 | He's slow, he burns things. |
| 153 | Last night he lit my pastry chef on fire. |
| 154 | Maybe he was just nervous. |
| 155 | You know, you can be very intimidating. |
| 156 | Besides, I've met your pastry chef |
| 157 | and she can stand to be taken down a peg or two. |
| 158 | Well, now she has no eyebrows. |
| 159 | Mission accomplished. |
| 160 | But Monica, he loves his job so much. |
| 161 | Can't you just give him another chance, please? |
| 162 | All right, but if he lights someone else on fire |
| 163 | he is out of there! |
| 164 | That's fair. |
| 165 | Thank you so much. Thanks. |
| 166 | Oops. Looks like when he got the pastry chef |
| 167 | he got you a little bit, too. |
| 168 | I paid to have this done. |
| 169 | Love it! |
| 170 | Hey. Hi. |
| 171 | Oh, you know, Cash really liked you the other day. |
| 172 | He said he thought you were charming. |
| 173 | Oh, I thought I was a complete idiot. |
| 174 | Hey, I'm with you. |
| 175 | He even asked me |
| 176 | if I thought you'd go out with him. |
| 177 | Oh, Oh, I think I'm going to throw up a little bit. |
| 178 | What did you say? |
| 179 | I said no. |
| 180 | What?! |
| 181 | I just figured since you're pregnant |
| 182 | you're not going to be seeing people. |
| 183 | Okay, Joey... |
| 184 | First of all |
| 185 | Cash Ford-- not people. |
| 186 | Second of all, what did he say |
| 187 | when you told him I was pregnant? |
| 188 | I didn't tell him. |
| 189 | I didn't know if you were telling people. |
| 190 | This is back when I thought Cash was still people. |
| 191 | Okay, don't tell him, |
| 192 | Just have him call me, okay? |
| 193 | I really don't think that's a great... |
| 194 | Okay, You go do it! I'll come back |
| 195 | and meet more actors. I'll meet them all! |
| 196 | Yup. |
| 197 | Hey, Bob. |
| 198 | Hey, how's my pal Toby doing today? |
| 199 | If I see him, I'll ask. |
| 200 | Toby! |
| 201 | No, no, no, no, no. |
| 202 | Hey, hey, Bing. |
| 203 | Was that Bob from Six you were just talking to? |
| 204 | Yeah, that was him. |
| 205 | Well, then you know each other. |
| 206 | We're on a semi first-name basis. |
| 207 | What do you think of adding him to our team? |
| 208 | Bob? |
| 209 | Ooh. Working here with us? |
| 210 | Every day? |
| 211 | Yeah, I don't know if he has what it takes. |
| 212 | Really? |
| 213 | They love him down on Six. |
| 214 | But this is 11. |
| 215 | It's almost twice as hard up here. |
| 216 | Okay, I hear you loud and clear. |
| 217 | Bob will stay put. |
| 218 | I think it's best, sir. |
| 219 | But we really do need to find someone up here. |
| 220 | The work is starting to pile up. |
| 221 | I've got a stack of documents on my desk this high. |
| 222 | You know what you should do? |
| 223 | Just toss them in the shredder and claim you never got them. |
| 224 | ( laughing ) |
| 225 | That's a good one, Bing. |
| 226 | What does a guy have to do |
| 227 | to be taken seriously around here? |
| 228 | Hey. Hey. |
| 229 | Okay, I gave him another chance |
| 230 | but Tim has got to go. |
| 231 | But... No. No, no. |
| 232 | He is totally incompetent. |
| 233 | Okay, I called the chef who recommended him to me. |
| 234 | He said, "Ha, ha! Gotcha!" |
| 235 | Okay, okay, but you can't fire him today. |
| 236 | Why not? |
| 237 | Because I'm dumping him today. |
| 238 | What? You said he was so sweet. |
| 239 | He is sweet. |
| 240 | He's too sweet! |
| 241 | He calls me all the time. |
| 242 | "So, did you get home from work okay?" |
| 243 | "Did you get out of the shower okay?" |
| 244 | Well, just don't pick up your phone. |
| 245 | Then he comes over. |
| 246 | "I'm so worried about you." |
| 247 | Ugh, be a man! |
| 248 | What? So now I'm not allowed to fire him? |
| 249 | We can't fire him and dump him in the same day. |
| 250 | He'll kill himself. |
| 251 | I'll fire him today and you go out |
| 252 | with him for another week. |
| 253 | Are you kidding? |
| 254 | Another week with that simp, I'll kill myself. |
| 255 | Okay, well, then we'll both do it today |
| 256 | and he'll just have to deal with it. |
| 257 | Okay, but the question is, who's going to go first? |
| 258 | 'Cause whoever goes second is the bitch. |
| 259 | What do you mean? |
| 260 | Come on. |
| 261 | The boss that fires a guy |
| 262 | that's just been dumped? Bitch! |
| 263 | And the woman who dumps a guy that's just been fired? |
| 264 | Blonde bitch! |
| 265 | I wanted to do this days ago |
| 266 | so I think I should go first. |
| 267 | Ugh, that makes sense. |
| 268 | Errgh, but... |
| 269 | Screw you, I'm going first! |
| 270 | Hey, Toby, you got a sec? |
| 271 | Sure, what's up? |
| 272 | I just had a meeting. |
| 273 | I was actually hoping to get transferred up here |
| 274 | but I just found out it's not going to happen. |
| 275 | Apparently somebody thinks I'm not 11th floor material. |
| 276 | Say, uh... |
| 277 | Who the hell is this Chandler? |
| 278 | Hey, what do you think is a better excuse |
| 279 | for why I'm not drinking on this date tonight-- |
| 280 | I'm a recovering alcoholic |
| 281 | I'm a Mormon |
| 282 | or I got so hammered last night, I'm still a little drunk? |
| 283 | Hey. |
| 284 | Hi. Hey. |
| 285 | So, what do you want to do tonight? |
| 286 | There's a Ukrainian film at the Angelica |
| 287 | that's supposed to be very powerful. Interested? |
| 288 | No. No, but I'll go see a normal-person movie with you. |
| 289 | Rach, you want to come? |
| 290 | Oh, no, I can't. I got a date. |
| 291 | A date? |
| 292 | Yeah. Why, is that weird for you? |
| 293 | Why, no, it's the opposite of weird. |
| 294 | It's, it's, uh, regular. |
| 295 | It's, it's uh... mundane. |
| 296 | It's, it's actually a little dull. |
| 297 | It's no Ukrainian film, I tell you. |
| 298 | Ooh, earrings! |
| 299 | A date? |
| 300 | She's got a date? With who? |
| 301 | I set her up with this actor on my show. |
| 302 | You set her up? |
| 303 | No. |
| 304 | Joey, what were you thinking? |
| 305 | I was thinking that it'd probably be okay |
| 306 | because Ross hasn't gone out with Rachel in five years. |
| 307 | Joey, I'm not worried about her. |
| 308 | I'm worried about my baby. |
| 309 | Whoever she dates, my baby dates. |
| 310 | Now, now, where is this "actor" taking them? |
| 311 | Hey! I'm an "actor" too. |
| 312 | I'm not sure. I think they're taking the ferry |
| 313 | out to some Italian place on Staten Island. |
| 314 | A ferry? My baby is going on a ferry. |
| 315 | Do you have any idea how dangerous those are?! |
| 316 | Aren't we talking about those big boats that carry cars? |
| 317 | They go like five miles an hour? |
| 318 | Why don't they just jump out of an airplane, huh? |
| 319 | That's a fun date. |
| 320 | Or burn each other with matches. |
| 321 | That's fun, too. Woo! |
| 322 | ( knocking ) |
| 323 | Hey, Joey. |
| 324 | Hey, Cash. Uh, hey, this is Ross. |
| 325 | Ross, this is Cash. |
| 326 | Hey. Hey. |
| 327 | I hear you're going on a ferry tonight. |
| 328 | Yeah. Yeah. |
| 329 | Bit of a daredevil, are we? |
| 330 | Hey, you guys. |
| 331 | Do you think this is too slutty? Hi, Cash. |
| 332 | Hey, Rachel. Hi. |
| 333 | Ready to go? |
| 334 | Yeah. All right, I'll see you guys later. |
| 335 | Okay. Have a great time, you guys. |
| 336 | Thank you. Thank you. |
| 337 | Yes, it is too slutty! |
| 338 | Hi. |
| 339 | ( gasps ) |
| 340 | Hi. |
| 341 | I'm so glad you called. |
| 342 | I feel like it's always me calling you. |
| 343 | So, what's up? |
| 344 | Is everything okay with Phoebe? |
| 345 | It will be, in a minute. |
| 346 | Listen-- Tim, you're a really great guy. |
| 347 | That's because I'm with you. |
| 348 | Aww. |
| 349 | I'm just, I'm in a place in my life right now where I... |
| 350 | ( loud beeping ) |
| 351 | Oops. I'm so sorry. |
| 352 | This just in. |
| 353 | ( laughing ) |
| 354 | Oh, it's 911 from the restaurant. |
| 355 | That means Monica needs me right away. |
| 356 | Oh, oh, no, she doesn't! |
| 357 | I know what that is; you can stay. |
| 358 | Aww. I'll miss you, too, Pheebs. |
| 359 | And I will be holding you... |
| 360 | right here. |
| 361 | So, what movie do you want to see? |
| 362 | And not another one I have to read, okay? |
| 363 | I get enough of that from books. |
| 364 | Books? |
| 365 | All right, car magazines, cereal boxes... |
| 366 | but it's, like, enough! |
| 367 | Well, I'll tell you what, why don't we, uh... |
| 368 | why don't we just stay here? |
| 369 | Let's not see a movie; we'll just hang. |
| 370 | And just wait for Rachel to come back from her date? |
| 371 | Hey, if that's what you want to do, I'm not going to say no. |
| 372 | Dude, what is going on? |
| 373 | I just... I have to find out how it went. |
| 374 | Why? |
| 375 | This guy could be my baby's stepfather. |
| 376 | They go on one date |
| 377 | and you're worried about them getting married? |
| 378 | He's not you! |
| 379 | I just... I... |
| 380 | I can't believe she's... she's dating. |
| 381 | Well, Ross, what did you think she was going to do? |
| 382 | I don't know. |
| 383 | I guess I just can't believe any of this is happening. |
| 384 | Wh-What do you mean? |
| 385 | It's just that I always thought |
| 386 | when I had another kid, it'd be different. |
| 387 | You know, I-I love Ben |
| 388 | but every time I have to drop him off at Carol and Susan's... |
| 389 | it's like, it breaks my heart a little. |
| 390 | I mean, I-I've always had this picture of me and my next wife |
| 391 | in bed on Sunday |
| 392 | and my kid comes running in and leaps up onto the bed |
| 393 | and we all read the paper together, you know? |
| 394 | Maybe fight over the Science Section. |
| 395 | That's a nice picture. |
| 396 | Maybe you could still have that. |
| 397 | No, no, I can't. |
| 398 | I mean, Rachel's out with some guy. |
| 399 | My baby went with her. |
| 400 | Well, if anything, that picture keeps moving further away. |
| 401 | Hey, can I ask you something? |
| 402 | In this... in this picture of you and your wife... |
| 403 | is your wife Rachel? |
| 404 | It used to be. |
| 405 | Now-now she doesn't really have a face. |
| 406 | Smokin' body, though. |
| 407 | Yeah, good call. |
| 408 | Yeah, but the face, Ross, the face isn't Rachel. |
| 409 | No, but... aah, how much easier would it be if it were. |
| 410 | Yeah, I know, but I don't think that's what she wants. |
| 411 | No, it's not what I want, either. |
| 412 | I mean, I can't force myself to fall in love with her again. |
| 413 | Okay, Ross, maybe you need a new picture. Okay? |
| 414 | It's not going to be what you thought, but no matter what |
| 415 | there's going to be a brand-new little baby. |
| 416 | Your baby. |
| 417 | Who cares what the picture looks like. |
| 418 | Yeah. |
| 419 | Hey, tell you what. |
| 420 | Let's you and me go out and have some fun, huh? |
| 421 | Whatever you want. Come on. |
| 422 | We can still catch that Ukrainian film. |
| 423 | No, I said fun. |
| 424 | Hey, Toby. |
| 425 | Hey, Bobby. |
| 426 | It's "Bob," actually. |
| 427 | Hey, you work up here. |
| 428 | Can you tell me where this Chandler Bing's office is? |
| 429 | Uh... yeah. |
| 430 | Yeah, it's... it's right-right-right down... |
| 431 | Yeah. |
| 432 | Right there. |
| 433 | Yeah. Let me ask you, why? |
| 434 | I want to talk to that bastard, see what his problem is. |
| 435 | Okay, Bob, listen, uh... |
| 436 | I'm the reason you didn't get the job up here. |
| 437 | Toby, don't. |
| 438 | Bob... |
| 439 | Toby, I'm not going to let you cover for him. |
| 440 | Anything you say right now |
| 441 | will just get me more upset with Chandler. |
| 442 | Well, that puts me in a difficult position. |
| 443 | Hey. Hey. |
| 444 | I got your page. |
| 445 | Is everything okay? |
| 446 | Uh, well, th-that depends. |
| 447 | How are things with Phoebe? |
| 448 | Oh, it's great. It's great. |
| 449 | Thank you so much for introducing us. |
| 450 | Oh, my pleasure. |
| 451 | Okay, I'm afraid I've got some bad news. |
| 452 | Phoebe! |
| 453 | Monica! |
| 454 | PHOEBE: I'm... |
| 455 | I'm breaking up with you! You're fired! |
| 456 | What? |
| 457 | I'm-I'm breaking up with you. |
| 458 | You're fired. |
| 459 | Wh-Why? |
| 460 | I'm sorry, I'm just, I'm... |
| 461 | I'm just not ready for a relationship right now. |
| 462 | An-And I'm sorry, too, but... |
| 463 | Well, I just, I like things done a certain way |
| 464 | and the chemistry's just not right. |
| 465 | Ooh, that's good. |
| 466 | The chemistry thing for us, too. |
| 467 | Wow. |
| 468 | Um, okay. |
| 469 | Um... |
| 470 | I-I-I-I realize I came on a little strong |
| 471 | but it's only because I think you're so amazing. |
| 472 | And, uh, I-I just want to... |
| 473 | I want to tell you how much I appreciate you |
| 474 | giving me an opportunity here because I... |
| 475 | You're the most talented chef I ever worked for. |
| 476 | Anyway... |
| 477 | Tim, wait. |
| 478 | Yeah? |
| 479 | Um... |
| 480 | I think I spoke too quickly. |
| 481 | Th-There's a learning curve with this job, and... |
| 482 | maybe we could try it again. |
| 483 | Really? Yeah. |
| 484 | Thank you so much, because I know I can be better. |
| 485 | Okay. |
| 486 | And, Tim... I just want to say good luck here. |
| 487 | Hello. |
| 488 | Hi. |
| 489 | ( chuckles ) |
| 490 | How was the date? |
| 491 | Well, I'm alone |
| 492 | and I just bought $15 worth of candy bars. |
| 493 | What do you think? |
| 494 | Uh-huh. |
| 495 | What happened? |
| 496 | Made the mistake of telling him that I was pregnant. |
| 497 | Oh, he didn't, uh, take it so well? |
| 498 | Well, better than you. |
| 499 | But, you know, still not what you want. |
| 500 | Oh? |
| 501 | Yeah, he got all weird and sputtery |
| 502 | and then he said, uh |
| 503 | "Yeah, I hear those hemorrhoids are a bitch." |
| 504 | He sounds swell. |
| 505 | Doesn't he? Mm. |
| 506 | Hey, you want a... you want a little cheering up? |
| 507 | Yes. |
| 508 | Sit down. |
| 509 | Okay. |
| 510 | Guess whose middle name is Muriel. |
| 511 | ( gasps ) |
| 512 | Chandler M. Bing. |
| 513 | Yeah-uh. |
| 514 | Oh, my God. |
| 515 | ( chortles ) |
| 516 | Hmm... |
| 517 | I'm sorry about your date. |
| 518 | Aw, it's all right. |
| 519 | I guess I'm just done with the whole dating thing. |
| 520 | It's just one more thing in my life |
| 521 | that is suddenly completely different. |
| 522 | This is hard. |
| 523 | Yeah, I know. |
| 524 | On the other hand, in, uh... in about seven months |
| 525 | you're going to have something that you're going to love |
| 526 | more than any guy you've ever gone out with. |
| 527 | Just wait. |
| 528 | Wait until, uh... |
| 529 | Wait until the first time your baby grabs your finger. |
| 530 | You have no idea. |
| 531 | Thanks, sweetie. |
| 532 | Mm-mm. |
| 533 | You, uh, you want to grab some coffee? |
| 534 | Oh, no. I think I'm going to go home and eat ten candy bars. |
| 535 | Hey, I-I thought I cheered you up. |
| 536 | Oh, you did-- there are 20 in here. |
| 537 | Right. |
| 538 | Good night. |
| 539 | Good night. |
| 540 | Ross? |
| 541 | Yeah? |
| 542 | Hey, it's Mona. |
| 543 | From the wedding. |
| 544 | Oh, hi! |
| 545 | Hi. |
| 546 | Wow, uh... how are you? |
| 547 | I'm good, except, um, you still owe me a dance. |
| 548 | Oh, that's right. Mm. |
| 549 | Well, uh, would you be interested |
| 550 | in seeing a Ukrainian film? |
| 551 | ( cracking up ) |
| 552 | Oh, you're serious. Sure. |
| 553 | ROSS: Great, well, um... |
| 554 | I-I think I might need one more cup of coffee. |
| 555 | Sure. Let me get it for you. |
| 556 | Okay. |
| 557 | Bob. |
| 558 | Bob! |
| 559 | Bob! |
| 560 | What the hell are you doing?! |
| 561 | I just found out this is Chandler's office. |
| 562 | Come on, Toby, give me a hand. |
| 563 | [Captioned by The Caption Center WGBH Educational Foundation] |
| 564 | |
| 1 | Hey, guys, guess what? |
| 2 | What? |
| 3 | I know it's last minute |
| 4 | but we've decided to have a Halloween party. |
| 5 | Oh, good. Great. |
| 6 | And everybody has to wear costumes. |
| 7 | ( all disagreeing ) |
| 8 | Come on, it'll be fun. |
| 9 | Well, I'll be there. |
| 10 | I mean, I have to wear a costume |
| 11 | to all of my classes that day anyway, so... |
| 12 | Please tell me you're not going to dress up |
| 13 | like a dinosaur. |
| 14 | Not two years in a row. |
| 15 | I'll come to the party, but I'm not dressing up. |
| 16 | You have to. |
| 17 | No way. |
| 18 | Look, Halloween is so stupid. |
| 19 | Dressing up and pretending to be someone you're not? |
| 20 | You're an actor. |
| 21 | So, Ross, are you going to bring Mona? |
| 22 | Yeah, yeah, I think I will. |
| 23 | The hot girl from their wedding? |
| 24 | Yeah. |
| 25 | Well, hey, if she needs any ideas for costumes |
| 26 | she could be a bikini model or a slutty nurse |
| 27 | or a sexy cheerleader. |
| 28 | Or, ooh, ooh, Leatherface from Texas Chain Saw Massacre. |
| 29 | No, no, no. |
| 30 | Slutty Leatherface. |
| 31 | Wasn't Joey hitting on her at the wedding, too? |
| 32 | That's right. |
| 33 | He was hitting on her. |
| 34 | And I got her. |
| 35 | I guess the better man won. |
| 36 | Please don't take her from me. |
| 37 | ♪ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ♪ |
| 38 | ♪ Your job's a joke, you're broke ♪ |
| 39 | ♪ Your love life's D.O.A. ♪ |
| 40 | ♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪ |
| 41 | ♪ When it hasn't been your day, your week ♪ |
| 42 | ♪ Your month, or even your year ♪ |
| 43 | ♪ But I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 44 | ♪ 'Cause you're there for me, too. ♪ |
| 45 | Oh. Ursula. |
| 46 | Oh. |
| 47 | Wait. It's... it's me-- Phoebe. |
| 48 | Oh. I thought there was a mirror there. |
| 49 | Okay. Bye-bye. |
| 50 | Wait a second now. |
| 51 | Um, so what's new with you? |
| 52 | Um, nothing. |
| 53 | I mean, I'm getting married next week. |
| 54 | What? |
| 55 | Yeah, yeah. It's going to be a small ceremony. |
| 56 | Just family. |
| 57 | His. |
| 58 | Huh. |
| 59 | Okay. |
| 60 | Well, I'm really happy for you. |
| 61 | Wait. |
| 62 | If... |
| 63 | If you want to come, I guess that'd be okay. |
| 64 | Really? |
| 65 | Sure. Why not? |
| 66 | You could be my "sister" for the day. |
| 67 | Yeah. Okay. |
| 68 | Um, you know, my friends are having |
| 69 | a Halloween party tonight |
| 70 | at my old apartment, so you could come. |
| 71 | Maybe I could meet the guy you're marrying. |
| 72 | Huh. Well, I'm supposed to be working |
| 73 | at the restaurant tonight. |
| 74 | I'm supposed to be working right now. |
| 75 | So, who cares? |
| 76 | Okay. |
| 77 | By the way, it's a costume party. |
| 78 | Oh, okay, so that's why you're... |
| 79 | No. |
| 80 | But thanks. |
| 81 | Hi. |
| 82 | Wait. You're supposed to wear a costume. |
| 83 | I am. |
| 84 | I am a woman who spent a lot of money on a dress |
| 85 | and she wants to wear it |
| 86 | because soon she won't be able to fit into it. |
| 87 | Oh, I'm Catwoman... |
| 88 | who wants to borrow the dress |
| 89 | when you're too big for it. |
| 90 | Okay. |
| 91 | ( knock at door ) |
| 92 | CHILDREN: Trick or treat. |
| 93 | Oh, oh, can I give out the candy? |
| 94 | I really want to be with the kids right now. |
| 95 | Ever since I got pregnant |
| 96 | I have the strongest maternal instincts. |
| 97 | CHILDREN: Trick or treat! |
| 98 | ( yelling ): Just a minute! |
| 99 | ( gasps ) |
| 100 | Look at you guys! |
| 101 | Wow. You are a very scary witch. |
| 102 | And you are a very funny clown. |
| 103 | And you... |
| 104 | are so in style right now. |
| 105 | You know |
| 106 | I work at Ralph Lauren and the whole fall line |
| 107 | has got this, like, equestrian theme going on. |
| 108 | I don't suppose you saw the cover of British Vogue... |
| 109 | Can I just have a candy? |
| 110 | Yeah. |
| 111 | Sure. |
| 112 | Ah, Catwoman, so we meet again. |
| 113 | So we do, Supergirl. |
| 114 | It's me, Phoebe. |
| 115 | Monica, can I talk to you for a second? |
| 116 | Listen, I appreciate you getting me the costume. |
| 117 | You did this to him? |
| 118 | What? |
| 119 | I thought he'd love it. |
| 120 | His favorite kid's book was The Velveteen Rabbit. |
| 121 | The Velveteen Rabbit was brown and white. |
| 122 | Well, it was either a pink bunny |
| 123 | or no bunny at all. |
| 124 | No bunny at all. Always no bunny at all! |
| 125 | Hey. |
| 126 | You didn't dress up, either? |
| 127 | Yes, I did. I'm Chandler. |
| 128 | Dude, what happened? |
| 129 | How is that me? |
| 130 | CHANDLER: Okay. |
| 131 | ( clears throat ) |
| 132 | I'm Chandler. |
| 133 | ( whines loudly ) |
| 134 | Oh, that is so you! |
| 135 | When have I ever done that? |
| 136 | When have I ever done that? |
| 137 | ( whines loudly ) |
| 138 | ( knock at door ) |
| 139 | GIRL: Trick or treat. |
| 140 | Oh! |
| 141 | Oh, well, you're just |
| 142 | the prettiest ballerina I've ever seen. |
| 143 | Thank you. |
| 144 | Oh, wow. |
| 145 | That deserves another piece of candy. |
| 146 | Thank you. |
| 147 | ( laughs ) |
| 148 | Well, I have to say that earns |
| 149 | "tutu" pieces of candy. |
| 150 | I love you. |
| 151 | Oh, oh! |
| 152 | Aw... |
| 153 | Oh, honey, here, take it all. |
| 154 | Monica, we need more candy. |
| 155 | What? There's only been, like, four kids. |
| 156 | Yeah, I know, but one of them just said that she loved me |
| 157 | so I just gave her everything. |
| 158 | No wonder you're pregnant. |
| 159 | Hey. |
| 160 | What are you supposed to be? |
| 161 | Remember the Russian satellite Sputnik? |
| 162 | Well, I'm a potato or a "spud" |
| 163 | and these are my antennae. |
| 164 | So, Sputnik becomes... |
| 165 | Spudnik! Spudnik. |
| 166 | Wow. I don't have the worst costume anymore. |
| 167 | Hey, all right! |
| 168 | Ross came as Doody. |
| 169 | No, I'm not Doody. |
| 170 | No. Space Doody. |
| 171 | God! |
| 172 | Hey, sweetie. |
| 173 | Oh. |
| 174 | Aren't you going to give me a kiss? |
| 175 | Okay, I will, but right after |
| 176 | you have to tell me who the hell you are. |
| 177 | Ursula? |
| 178 | Ursula's fiancée. |
| 179 | Oh, my God, you're the sister. Yeah. |
| 180 | Okay, I just slapped my future sister-in-law's ass. |
| 181 | Yeah. |
| 182 | I'm an idiot. Is you're mother here? |
| 183 | Maybe I can give her a little slap on the butt. |
| 184 | My mother killed herself. |
| 185 | See, and I knew that and... |
| 186 | now I'm sweating. |
| 187 | Look, look at me-- I'm really sweating. |
| 188 | I mean, now I'm saying: |
| 189 | Look at me-- I'm getting even sweatier. |
| 190 | I think I should probably just go. |
| 191 | No, that's okay. We'll just start over. |
| 192 | Okay, hi, I'm Phoebe. |
| 193 | Uh, Eric. |
| 194 | Why are you looking at me like that? |
| 195 | Because the sweat's in my eyes and it's burning. |
| 196 | Thank you. |
| 197 | There. |
| 198 | So what are you? |
| 199 | I don't think they have a name for it. |
| 200 | I get nervous and I start sweating like crazy. |
| 201 | No, I meant your costume. |
| 202 | Oh, I'm... I'm a solar system. |
| 203 | My students helped me make it. |
| 204 | I teach the second grade. |
| 205 | I love the second grade! |
| 206 | Really? |
| 207 | Yeah. It's so much better than first grade |
| 208 | where you don't know what's going on |
| 209 | and definitely better than third grade |
| 210 | you know, with all the politics and the mind games and... |
| 211 | So, what do you do? |
| 212 | Um, I'm a masseuse... by day. |
| 213 | Good. |
| 214 | You don't have to stand here with me. |
| 215 | No, I'm having fun. |
| 216 | And I'm really, really excited for you and Ursula. |
| 217 | I feel very lucky. She's great. |
| 218 | I think she's the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. |
| 219 | Thank you. |
| 220 | Yeah? Hey, Joey. |
| 221 | You read comic books, right? |
| 222 | Exclusively. |
| 223 | Who do you think would win in a fight, |
| 224 | Catwoman or Supergirl? |
| 225 | Catwoman, hands down. |
| 226 | Yeah. |
| 227 | But between you and Phoebe |
| 228 | I'd have to give the edge to Phoebe. |
| 229 | What? Really? |
| 230 | Are you kidding? |
| 231 | Phoebe lived on the street, okay? |
| 232 | Plus she's got this crazy temper. |
| 233 | She... she's not standing right behind me, is she? |
| 234 | No. You're fine. |
| 235 | Do you think I could take Rachel? |
| 236 | I'm not sure. |
| 237 | What?! |
| 238 | Come on! I am tough! |
| 239 | Punch right here as hard as you can! |
| 240 | Okay, will you... |
| 241 | Will you relax? |
| 242 | What are you taking this so seriously for? |
| 243 | It doesn't matter. Oh, really? |
| 244 | Okay. What would you say if I told you |
| 245 | that I thought Ross or Chandler could beat you up? |
| 246 | I would say, "Woman, please." |
| 247 | Hey, Ursula's fiancée is really sweet. |
| 248 | He's a teacher; he does all this volunteer work. |
| 249 | You know, normally, you know, I don't like really sweaty guys |
| 250 | but this one I could just mop him up. |
| 251 | Oh, my God, Phoebe. |
| 252 | What? |
| 253 | You're getting a crush |
| 254 | on your sister's fiancée. |
| 255 | No, I'm not. You are! |
| 256 | Here comes the temper. |
| 257 | ( knock at door ) |
| 258 | Trick or treat. |
| 259 | Hi. You know what? |
| 260 | We're actually out of candy right now |
| 261 | but someone just went out to get some |
| 262 | and I... have been giving out money, but I'm out of that, too. |
| 263 | Hey, can I write you a check? |
| 264 | Okay. |
| 265 | What's your name? |
| 266 | Leilani Meeholanofavich. |
| 267 | Okay, I'm just going to write this out to cash. |
| 268 | Okay? |
| 269 | Hi, Mona. Hey. |
| 270 | Hi. Oh, hey. |
| 271 | Joey's going to be thrilled. |
| 272 | He was hoping you'd come by as a slutty nurse. |
| 273 | Um, actually, I'm just a nurse. |
| 274 | You'd think that would embarrass me |
| 275 | but you see, I'm maxed out. |
| 276 | MONA: Hi. Hey, you made it. |
| 277 | Wait, wait. You're, um... you're a potato. |
| 278 | Well, I'm a spud... |
| 279 | And the antennae... |
| 280 | Oh, my God, you're Sputnik! |
| 281 | Yes! |
| 282 | Marry her. |
| 283 | Okay, here's a good one for you. |
| 284 | Who do you think would win in a fight |
| 285 | between Ross and Chandler? |
| 286 | I can't answer that-- Chandler is my husband. |
| 287 | So, Ross? |
| 288 | Yeah. |
| 289 | Hey, beautiful. |
| 290 | Hello, handsome. |
| 291 | Oh, God. |
| 292 | Oh, look at you two. |
| 293 | So, when did you guys meet? |
| 294 | Two weeks ago. |
| 295 | Two weeks, that's it? |
| 296 | Yeah, I know it sounds crazy |
| 297 | and it's not like me to do something so impulsive |
| 298 | but she's just so perfect, and we have so much in common. |
| 299 | Oh, really? |
| 300 | We're both teachers. |
| 301 | Huh? |
| 302 | And we were both in the Peace Corps. |
| 303 | Peace Corps, really? |
| 304 | In fact, when we were building houses in Uruguay |
| 305 | we were just two towns apart and we never met. |
| 306 | Yeah. It wasn't a town when I got there |
| 307 | but it was a town when I left. |
| 308 | Shall we get me really drunk? |
| 309 | Sure. |
| 310 | ( forced chuckle ) |
| 311 | Howdy, Doody. |
| 312 | That's funny, yeah. |
| 313 | You know, you're the funniest man here |
| 314 | in a pink bunny costume his wife made him wear. |
| 315 | Relax, man, relax. |
| 316 | You're looking a little flushed. |
| 317 | I think we might find out |
| 318 | the answer to our question. |
| 319 | What question? |
| 320 | Monica and I were talking about |
| 321 | who could kick whose ass in a fight, you or Ross. |
| 322 | There's no question. |
| 323 | So you think Ross, too? |
| 324 | You picked Ross?! |
| 325 | Ross is really strong. |
| 326 | He's the strongest out of all three of you |
| 327 | except for Joey. |
| 328 | I cannot believe you didn't pick me. |
| 329 | In her defense, she's right. |
| 330 | I am stronger; I would destroy you. |
| 331 | Oh, really? You think you're stronger? |
| 332 | Why don't you prove it? |
| 333 | Oh, I'll prove it! |
| 334 | I'll prove it like a theorem! |
| 335 | MONICA: Wait, wait, wait! |
| 336 | Okay, stop it! |
| 337 | Stop it! Stop! |
| 338 | Now, no one's going to fight in this apartment! |
| 339 | Hey, Monica, people came to see a fight. |
| 340 | Let's give them what they came for. |
| 341 | Yeah! |
| 342 | You guys could arm wrestle. |
| 343 | Yeah, listen to the slutty nurse. |
| 344 | You're going down. |
| 345 | You're going further down-- downtown! |
| 346 | Seriously, guys, the trash talk is embarrassing. |
| 347 | Oh, Gunther, you brought candy. |
| 348 | Thank you so much for picking this up. |
| 349 | You are so sweet. |
| 350 | Really? Yeah. |
| 351 | Someday you are going to make some man |
| 352 | the luckiest guy in the world. |
| 353 | ( knock at door ) Got to go. |
| 354 | BOY: Trick or treat. |
| 355 | Hi! |
| 356 | Wow. |
| 357 | There you go. |
| 358 | My friend Louis told me you were giving out money. |
| 359 | Oh, yeah, well, we were, but now we've got candy. |
| 360 | I'd rather have the money. |
| 361 | Well, that-that's not your choice. |
| 362 | Happy Halloween. |
| 363 | This isn't fair. |
| 364 | Well, is it fair that all you did was put on a cape |
| 365 | and I got to give you free stuff? |
| 366 | Shut up. |
| 367 | You shut up. |
| 368 | You can't tell me to shut up. |
| 369 | Uh... I think I just did |
| 370 | and, uh-oh, here it comes again: Shut up. |
| 371 | Uh, Rache. |
| 372 | Yeah. I got it. I'm good. I got it. |
| 373 | Now, wait a minute, I had one more thing |
| 374 | I had to say to you: Oh, right. Shut up. |
| 375 | You're a mean old woman. |
| 376 | Oh, wait. No. Shut up-- I mean, don't cry. |
| 377 | Let me get my checkbook. |
| 378 | Look, honey, you don't have to do this, okay? |
| 379 | It's the strength you have inside |
| 380 | that means the most to me. |
| 381 | I mean, you're loyal and you're honest |
| 382 | and you have integrity. |
| 383 | That's the kind of strength I want in the man I love. |
| 384 | That means nothing to me. |
| 385 | Come on! |
| 386 | Aah. |
| 387 | Hi, liar. |
| 388 | Hey. |
| 389 | You know... |
| 390 | the only reason he's marrying you |
| 391 | is because he thinks all the things |
| 392 | you were saying about yourself were true. |
| 393 | Well, they could be true. |
| 394 | But they're not. |
| 395 | Yeah. It's a fine line, huh? |
| 396 | Why are you lying to him? |
| 397 | I don't know. |
| 398 | He said he did all this stuff |
| 399 | and then I said I did it, too |
| 400 | and he got so excited, it was really fun. |
| 401 | Honey? |
| 402 | It's a filthy, disgusting habit |
| 403 | and I want you to quit now. |
| 404 | She's helped so many people quit smoking. |
| 405 | You know, we really better get going. |
| 406 | You have a church group meeting tonight. |
| 407 | Right. |
| 408 | Well, it was nice meeting you. |
| 409 | You, too. |
| 410 | And, Ursula, it was really nice meeting you tonight! |
| 411 | Phebes, come on. |
| 412 | Bunny versus Doody. |
| 413 | We're waiting. |
| 414 | Okay. Okay, guys. |
| 415 | One match, winner take all. |
| 416 | Wait, wait. |
| 417 | What does the winner get? |
| 418 | Pride. |
| 419 | And dignity. |
| 420 | Okay, if you say so. |
| 421 | All right, ready? |
| 422 | Set, go. |
| 423 | ( crowd cheering ) |
| 424 | Doody! Bunny! |
| 425 | Wow, they're both really strong. |
| 426 | Or equally weak. |
| 427 | Oh, my God. |
| 428 | Chandler's making his sex face. |
| 429 | So, are you getting tired? |
| 430 | Nope. I can do this all day. |
| 431 | Yeah, me, too. |
| 432 | I'm getting a little tired, though. |
| 433 | God, I'm exhausted. |
| 434 | Look, this is starting to look really bad for me. |
| 435 | Okay, Mona... Mona's standing right over there. |
| 436 | Oh, God, she's talking to Joey. |
| 437 | You got to let me win. |
| 438 | Wait, if anything, you've to let me win. |
| 439 | My wife thinks I'm a wimp. |
| 440 | Hey, at least you have a wife. |
| 441 | I keep getting divorces and knocking people up. |
| 442 | And I'm dressed as Doody. |
| 443 | You're Spudnik. |
| 444 | Come on, who are we kidding? |
| 445 | I'm Doody. |
| 446 | Please, she's watching. |
| 447 | ( sighs ) |
| 448 | Fine. |
| 449 | ( grunts loudly ) |
| 450 | Oh, no. Oh, no. |
| 451 | Oh, yeah! |
| 452 | Yay! |
| 453 | My hero. |
| 454 | You're a weird lady. |
| 455 | Hey, Ursula said she left her purse. |
| 456 | Oh. |
| 457 | Oh, what a relief. |
| 458 | It has all the numbers of the people in the prayer chain. |
| 459 | Sure it does. Yeah, yeah. |
| 460 | Well, I guess I'll see you at the wedding. |
| 461 | Um, listen, I don't think... |
| 462 | I don't think I'm going to make it to the wedding, so... |
| 463 | I just want to wish you all the luck in the world. |
| 464 | I think we'll be okay. |
| 465 | Besides, it's so perfect and... |
| 466 | ( whispering ): she's been saving herself for me. |
| 467 | Okay, I can't let you do this. |
| 468 | She's lying to you. |
| 469 | What? |
| 470 | She is lying, and I bet I can prove it. |
| 471 | Excuse me. |
| 472 | Okay. Okay. |
| 473 | Yeah. Not a prayer chain |
| 474 | but what looks like a detailed drawing |
| 475 | of a bank floor plan. |
| 476 | Okay, here's the name tag |
| 477 | from the restaurant |
| 478 | where she works as a waitress. |
| 479 | Not a teacher, a waitress. |
| 480 | All right, here's her driver's license. |
| 481 | This ought to be good. |
| 482 | She always lies about this. |
| 483 | How old did she say she was? |
| 484 | She told me she was 25. |
| 485 | Oh. I almost don't want to show you this. |
| 486 | Just remember, I'm a minute younger. |
| 487 | I am so stupid. |
| 488 | Of course she was lying. |
| 489 | She's not a teacher. |
| 490 | There's no such thing as the top secret elementary school |
| 491 | for the children of spies. |
| 492 | No, you're not, you're not stupid. |
| 493 | I'm not smart. |
| 494 | I just wanted so much to be impulsive for once. |
| 495 | To be romantic. |
| 496 | That's good. |
| 497 | You should be impulsive |
| 498 | and you should be romantic. |
| 499 | Just... you did it with the wrong person. |
| 500 | What? |
| 501 | It's so weird, two people look so much alike... so different. |
| 502 | Eric, let's go! |
| 503 | I better go deal. |
| 504 | Yeah, you should. |
| 505 | Hurry up! I got to pray! |
| 506 | Hey. Hey. |
| 507 | Well, I had to give the kid 50 bucks to stop crying. |
| 508 | Well, that's not so bad. |
| 509 | I also had to go to a couple houses with him |
| 510 | as his girlfriend. |
| 511 | Oh, I'm just awful with children. |
| 512 | Come on. You're good with kids. |
| 513 | They're just crazy on Halloween. |
| 514 | You know, they're all greedy |
| 515 | and hopped up on sugar. |
| 516 | Really? You think that's all it is? |
| 517 | Absolutely. Halloween is the worst. |
| 518 | Except for Christmas. |
| 519 | And their birthdays. |
| 520 | Mm-hmm. |
| 521 | They kind of get a little crazy |
| 522 | during the summer, too. |
| 523 | And any time they're hungry or sleepy. |
| 524 | Yeah, kids are tough. |
| 525 | Good luck with that. |
| 526 | Look, I wanted to tell you, I'm, I'm sorry you lost. |
| 527 | Oh. Listen, I got a secret for you: I let him win. |
| 528 | Is that a secret or a lie? |
| 529 | No, I let him... Ross. |
| 530 | Would you tell her that I let you win, please? |
| 531 | Oh, yeah. |
| 532 | Uh, Chandler "let" me win. |
| 533 | No, Chandler's really strong. |
| 534 | Oh, my arm is so sore. |
| 535 | Oh, nurse! |
| 536 | I am strong. |
| 537 | I'll show you. |
| 538 | Chandler, please. |
| 539 | Oh, what's the matter? |
| 540 | Are you scared? |
| 541 | Let's go, Big Bunny! |
| 542 | One, two, three. Go. |
| 543 | I'm going to kill myself. |
| 544 | |
| 1 | Hey. |
| 2 | Oh, my God, you cleaned. |
| 3 | Look at these floors. |
| 4 | You did the windows! |
| 5 | I have been begging you for months and you did... |
| 6 | you cleaned. |
| 7 | And nagging works. |
| 8 | You know, uh... |
| 9 | I didn't actually do this. |
| 10 | Oh, no. Was I cleaning in my sleep again? |
| 11 | No, it wasn't you. |
| 12 | Well, then, who? |
| 13 | I got a maid. Yay. |
| 14 | Oh, well, I hope by "maid" you mean "mistress" |
| 15 | because if some other woman was here cleaning, then... |
| 16 | Now, honey... |
| 17 | I know you don't like to relinquish control. |
| 18 | Oh, relinquish is just a fancy word for lose. |
| 19 | Look she's really nice, okay? |
| 20 | And she mentioned that she adored |
| 21 | the way that you arranged the sponges. |
| 22 | Did she really say that? |
| 23 | Yes, I distinctly remember |
| 24 | 'cause I thought it was a joke. |
| 25 | Now, just give her a chance, okay? |
| 26 | Fine, I can do it. |
| 27 | ( sighs ) |
| 28 | What's the matter? |
| 29 | Well, usually when I'm this anxious I clean. |
| 30 | ♪ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ♪ |
| 31 | ♪ Your job's a joke, you're broke ♪ |
| 32 | ♪ Your love life's D.O.A. ♪ |
| 33 | ♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪ |
| 34 | ♪ When it hasn't been your day, your week ♪ |
| 35 | ♪ Your month, or even your year ♪ |
| 36 | ♪ But I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 37 | ♪ 'Cause you're there for me, too. ♪ |
| 38 | Whose cell phone is that? |
| 39 | It's so annoying. Everywhere you go. |
| 40 | I think it's coming from your bag. |
| 41 | I never get calls. |
| 42 | Hello? |
| 43 | Phoebe, hi, it's Eric... |
| 44 | from the Halloween party. |
| 45 | Ursula's fiancee. |
| 46 | Oh, my God. Eric, hi. |
| 47 | Wait, how did you get this number? |
| 48 | I have a friend who's a cop and he got it for me. |
| 49 | Wow, what an incredible violation |
| 50 | and wonderful surprise. |
| 51 | Uh, listen, I just... |
| 52 | I thought you should know I broke up with Ursula. |
| 53 | Oh, you did? |
| 54 | He did it. He did it. |
| 55 | Wow! What did he do? |
| 56 | Shh, I'm talking. |
| 57 | Anyway, I was wondering if you were the sort of person |
| 58 | who eats lunch? |
| 59 | Are you asking me out? |
| 60 | Because it would be kind of weird |
| 61 | since you just broke up with my sister. |
| 62 | Yeah, um, okay. |
| 63 | I'm-I'm sorry. Bye. |
| 64 | No, wait, I was just saying that |
| 65 | so you'd think I was a good person. |
| 66 | Fight for me. |
| 67 | Uh... I won't take no for an answer. |
| 68 | Not great, but we can work on it at lunch. |
| 69 | Okay, um, I can be at your apartment in two hours. |
| 70 | Great. Uh... how do you know where I live? |
| 71 | I've got friends, too. |
| 72 | Okay, Bye. |
| 73 | Bye. |
| 74 | Oh, my God. I'm going out with Eric. |
| 75 | Ooh, this day is really going to be |
| 76 | so much better than I thought it was going to be. |
| 77 | Oh, Ross, I can't make lunch. |
| 78 | So, apparently I'm available for lunch. |
| 79 | I can't, I'm busy. |
| 80 | I'm apartment hunting. |
| 81 | You're moving? |
| 82 | Yeah. I can't live with Joey once the baby comes. |
| 83 | I don't want my child's first words to be |
| 84 | ( childlike ): "How you doin'?" |
| 85 | So, does Joey know you're moving? |
| 86 | Well, I haven't discussed it with him yet |
| 87 | but I know he's going to be relieved. |
| 88 | Last week he brought this girl over |
| 89 | and I started talking to her about morning sickness |
| 90 | and then I should her pictures from my pregnancy book. |
| 91 | That's not really porn. |
| 92 | Not so much. |
| 93 | Hey, you know what? |
| 94 | Wait, if you're looking for a place |
| 95 | I just heard in the elevator this morning |
| 96 | that a woman in my building died. |
| 97 | Oh, my God. |
| 98 | Was she old? |
| 99 | Does she have a view? |
| 100 | Well, I don't know, but how great would that be, huh? |
| 101 | You living in my building. |
| 102 | I could help take care of the baby. |
| 103 | I could come over whenever I want. |
| 104 | With your permission. |
| 105 | Wow, that really would be great. |
| 106 | Yeah. |
| 107 | Well, can we see it? |
| 108 | Oh, maybe we shouldn't. |
| 109 | I mean, if she just died this morning, out of respect. |
| 110 | Yeah, no... no, you're right. |
| 111 | Shall we? |
| 112 | Yeah. |
| 113 | Yes? |
| 114 | Hi, I'm Ross Geller. |
| 115 | I live in the building. |
| 116 | And I'm Rachel, an admirer of the building. |
| 117 | I-I heard about Mrs. Verhoven passing away |
| 118 | and I'm so sorry for your loss. |
| 119 | She didn't pass away. |
| 120 | What? |
| 121 | My mother's still alive. |
| 122 | Oh, thank God. |
| 123 | It looked like we were going to lose her this morning |
| 124 | but she's a tough old bird. |
| 125 | Oh, yeah. |
| 126 | Are you close with her? |
| 127 | Of course. |
| 128 | Uh, yeah, she and I would talk all the time |
| 129 | in the laundry room. |
| 130 | You speak Dutch? |
| 131 | Zeer veererd een vriend van mijn moeder te ontmoeten. |
| 132 | You know, I would but it's just too painful. |
| 133 | So, she's really not dead? |
| 134 | No. She's hanging in there. |
| 135 | Mmm... |
| 136 | Do you think you-- could you tell me |
| 137 | is she hanging in, in a one bedroom or a two? |
| 138 | Mrs. Bing... |
| 139 | this tile cleaner is incredible. |
| 140 | Where did you get it? |
| 141 | Oh, well, um... I make it myself. |
| 142 | It's two parts ammonia and one part lemon juice. |
| 143 | The secret ingredient is... |
| 144 | You know what? |
| 145 | We just met. |
| 146 | Okay, uh, I'm going to get |
| 147 | the clothes from the laundry room now |
| 148 | and when I come back |
| 149 | I'll clean behind the refrigerator. |
| 150 | I love her. |
| 151 | I'll be back in a minute. |
| 152 | Okay. |
| 153 | ( door closes ) |
| 154 | See? I told you. |
| 155 | She stole my jeans. |
| 156 | What? |
| 157 | I have been looking for them all week |
| 158 | and she is wearing them. |
| 159 | So, she stole your pants |
| 160 | and then she came back and wore them in front of you? |
| 161 | Don't you see? It's the perfect crime. |
| 162 | She must have been planning this for years. |
| 163 | I will prove it to you, okay? |
| 164 | About a week ago, I was wearing those jeans |
| 165 | and it dropped a pen in my lap |
| 166 | and it left an ink stain on the crotch. |
| 167 | Now, when she comes back |
| 168 | I will find it and show you that stain. |
| 169 | Honey, isn't it possible that the company that sold the jeans |
| 170 | made more than just the one pair? |
| 171 | I guess. |
| 172 | So, shouldn't we give her the benefit of the doubt |
| 173 | before we go snooping around her crotch? |
| 174 | Fine, I'm just glad I didn't give her my secret ingredient. |
| 175 | Out of curiosity, what is your secret ingredient? |
| 176 | Yeah... |
| 177 | ( knocking on door ) |
| 178 | Hi. |
| 179 | Come in. I'm so glad you're here. |
| 180 | Yeah, me, too. |
| 181 | Not in the shaky, angry way that you are though. |
| 182 | Sorry, I just saw Ursula. |
| 183 | I had to get the engagement ring back. |
| 184 | Oh. |
| 185 | Just seeing her brought it all back. |
| 186 | All the lies... the way she used me. |
| 187 | I just... I get so angry just looking at her... |
| 188 | ...face. |
| 189 | Yeah, yeah. |
| 190 | I'm sorry, it's just when I look at you |
| 191 | I see her. |
| 192 | And when I see her |
| 193 | I get a little bit angry. |
| 194 | Maybe this is too weird. |
| 195 | No, wait. |
| 196 | There's only a problem when I look at you. |
| 197 | I got it. I got it. |
| 198 | No, don't tear out your eyes! |
| 199 | I was just going to take out my lenses. |
| 200 | Oh, yeah, try that. |
| 201 | So, is that better? |
| 202 | Not really. |
| 203 | You... you're blurry |
| 204 | but you still look like Ursula. |
| 205 | You're Blur-sula. |
| 206 | Okay, wait. |
| 207 | Maybe... if I, if I just |
| 208 | don't look at you for a while. |
| 209 | See? It works. |
| 210 | I'm not angry at all anymore. |
| 211 | This is a great date. |
| 212 | Look, Eric, turn around. |
| 213 | Look, I like you |
| 214 | but it shouldn't be this hard, you know? |
| 215 | This is our first date. |
| 216 | You know, first dates are supposed to be about |
| 217 | excitement and electricity |
| 218 | and, ooh, he just touched my hand. |
| 219 | Did he mean to touch my hand? |
| 220 | And, you know, first kisses, and... |
| 221 | second kisses. |
| 222 | Thanks for the coffee, or, uh... |
| 223 | Bedankt voor de koffie, Gunther. |
| 224 | ( speaks Dutch ) |
| 225 | Yeah, we're done. |
| 226 | Aisel. |
| 227 | Aisel? |
| 228 | Aisel... aisel... |
| 229 | Hey, Ross, listen |
| 230 | you want to go see that new IMAX movie on tide pools? |
| 231 | Really? |
| 232 | No. |
| 233 | But I got Knicks tickets for you, me and Chandler, huh? |
| 234 | Sweet. |
| 235 | Finish your coffee. Let's go. |
| 236 | Okay, I just have to stop by my place first. |
| 237 | To tape the game? |
| 238 | You do this every time, Ross. |
| 239 | You're not going to be on TV. |
| 240 | No, no, I have to see if this apartment became available. |
| 241 | You're switching apartments? |
| 242 | It's not for me, it's for Rachel. |
| 243 | Rachel has an apartment. |
| 244 | But when the baby comes |
| 245 | she's going to want to move. |
| 246 | She is? Yeah. |
| 247 | You don't expect her to live there with a baby, did you? |
| 248 | I guess I didn't really think about it. |
| 249 | Aisel. |
| 250 | Hey, Gunther, you're an aisel. |
| 251 | And I have... |
| 252 | ( speaks Dutch ) |
| 253 | Damn it. |
| 254 | Nice jeans. |
| 255 | Oh, thanks. |
| 256 | I like your top. |
| 257 | Oh. |
| 258 | ( to herself ): You're not getting it. |
| 259 | What happened? |
| 260 | Oh, I fell asleep. |
| 261 | I was thinking about taking my lunch break. |
| 262 | Will you do the top of the cabinets? |
| 263 | That would really work up your appetite for lunch. |
| 264 | All right. |
| 265 | Hello. |
| 266 | What's going on? |
| 267 | I'm sorry, I've never had a maid before. |
| 268 | Is this not okay? |
| 269 | Hey. Hey. |
| 270 | How was your game? |
| 271 | Uh, it was okay. |
| 272 | I... I ate way too much. |
| 273 | Oh. |
| 274 | Ooh. |
| 275 | So, um, I was talking to Ross |
| 276 | and he said that you're looking for a new place? |
| 277 | Oh, yeah. |
| 278 | Hopefully, across the street |
| 279 | if certain Dutch people would just let go. |
| 280 | I was kind of hoping you'd stay. |
| 281 | But, Joey, I have to go. |
| 282 | There's no room for a baby here. |
| 283 | No room? |
| 284 | It's a baby. |
| 285 | It's, like, this big. |
| 286 | You know, I, uh... y-y-you could... |
| 287 | You could put it over here... |
| 288 | or-or-or we could put it right here. |
| 289 | Aw, it's cute, right? |
| 290 | Or-Or we could put it over here. |
| 291 | You wouldn't even notice it. |
| 292 | "Where's the baby?" |
| 293 | "Oh, it's right over..." ( chuckling ) |
| 294 | Honey, it's not just a matter of where you put it. |
| 295 | I mean, a baby changes everything. |
| 296 | They cry all the time. |
| 297 | I mean, imagine bringing home some girl |
| 298 | and trying to score when there's a screaming baby around. |
| 299 | I could use a challenge. |
| 300 | It's getting pretty easy. |
| 301 | Honey, it's so sweet that you want me to stay |
| 302 | but I-I can't do that to you. |
| 303 | I mean, it would disrupt your entire life. |
| 304 | It's just... I... |
| 305 | I love living with you so much. |
| 306 | You know, it's just |
| 307 | I wish things didn't have to change. |
| 308 | I know. |
| 309 | You know, I blame Ross for this. |
| 310 | I do, too, a little bit. |
| 311 | Yeah. |
| 312 | I'm going to miss you. |
| 313 | You're the hottest roommate I ever hard. |
| 314 | Oh... |
| 315 | ( moans softly ) |
| 316 | Ooh. |
| 317 | Oh, no, I-I have to go. |
| 318 | Oh, I have a massage appointment. |
| 319 | Oh, no, stay here. |
| 320 | We'll keep doing this. |
| 321 | I'll pay you. |
| 322 | No, I've gotten in trouble for that before. |
| 323 | I'll see you later? |
| 324 | Absolutely. |
| 325 | Okay. |
| 326 | I love the way you kiss. |
| 327 | Really? |
| 328 | That's the thing I'm worst at. |
| 329 | You'll see. |
| 330 | Hey. |
| 331 | Hey, um, I think Brenda needs a raise. |
| 332 | How come? |
| 333 | Because I put my head between her legs. |
| 334 | Were you... To see her pants? |
| 335 | They're my pants. |
| 336 | Are you sure? |
| 337 | Did you see the stain? |
| 338 | No, I was just getting into position |
| 339 | and, then, everything went dark. |
| 340 | Look, oh, my God, she is not stealing from us, okay? |
| 341 | Will you let this go? |
| 342 | Fine. |
| 343 | ( door closes ) |
| 344 | She's wearing my bra. |
| 345 | Oh, dear God. |
| 346 | My pink flowered bra. |
| 347 | I recognize the strap. |
| 348 | And yet, you don't recognize that you're crazy? |
| 349 | Here's the plan, okay? |
| 350 | I'm going to leave |
| 351 | and you're going to get a look at Brenda's bra. |
| 352 | Here's another plan. |
| 353 | No. |
| 354 | I would do it |
| 355 | but she thinks I'm attracted to her. |
| 356 | Why? |
| 357 | Did you not hear where my head was? |
| 358 | Come on, come on, we're a team. |
| 359 | We're in this together. |
| 360 | I fear a jury will see it the same way. |
| 361 | Do this for me? |
| 362 | Come on, I catch you looking at women's breasts all the time. |
| 363 | You see that? |
| 364 | Do you see this? |
| 365 | Uh... |
| 366 | All right, yes, okay, I get your point |
| 367 | but if it's not her bra |
| 368 | will you just let the woman clean the apartment? |
| 369 | Yes, absolutely, okay? |
| 370 | Now, look, you'll know it's mine |
| 371 | because on the right cup, the lacy part |
| 372 | there's a very noticeable rip. |
| 373 | You need new clothes. |
| 374 | ( knocking at door ) |
| 375 | Hi. |
| 376 | How is she? |
| 377 | It's not looking good. |
| 378 | Oh! Oh... oh. |
| 379 | Yeah... |
| 380 | Well, I, uh... I brought her some... bloemen. |
| 381 | That's so sweet. |
| 382 | Oh. |
| 383 | Would you like to come in and say good-bye? |
| 384 | I'm sure it would mean a lot to her. |
| 385 | Oh, I don't know that it would. |
| 386 | ( chuckles ) |
| 387 | Well, her memory is pretty much gone. |
| 388 | All right, then. |
| 389 | ( mouthing ) |
| 390 | Hey. |
| 391 | Welcome back. |
| 392 | Shall we pick up from where we left off? |
| 393 | Oh, I don't know. |
| 394 | I'm still pretty tired out from this afternoon. |
| 395 | Why? |
| 396 | Uh, the sex. |
| 397 | What sex? |
| 398 | Our sex. |
| 399 | We didn't have sex. |
| 400 | Well, if I didn't have sex with you |
| 401 | I had sex with somebody that looked an awful lot like... |
| 402 | Ew. Ew. Oh, no. |
| 403 | Oh, no. Ew, ew, ew. |
| 404 | Oh, no, no, no, no. |
| 405 | You-You... |
| 406 | You had sex with Ursula? |
| 407 | A-A little bit. |
| 408 | Sh-Sh... When she walked in |
| 409 | I thought she was you and I kissed her and... |
| 410 | You didn't notice she was wearing different clothes? |
| 411 | Well, I was just so excited to see you. |
| 412 | Aw. |
| 413 | Ew, ew, ew! |
| 414 | Ugh! |
| 415 | You know what? |
| 416 | This is too weird. |
| 417 | No, no, it's not. I don't want to lose you. |
| 418 | It's-It's like I was saying to Ursula |
| 419 | when I was making love to her and I thought she was you... |
| 420 | No, it's too weird. |
| 421 | So, I guess this is it. |
| 422 | Yeah. |
| 423 | Well... |
| 424 | maybe it's for the best. |
| 425 | You smell just like her. |
| 426 | Yeah, so do you. |
| 427 | What are you doing? |
| 428 | I'm leaning. |
| 429 | This is where I lean. |
| 430 | Okay. |
| 431 | Brenda, a bee. |
| 432 | What? |
| 433 | Yes, it's flown into your blouse |
| 434 | and you better undo your buttons lest it sting you. |
| 435 | I think I know what's going on here. |
| 436 | You do? |
| 437 | Look, I know it must be hard that your wife is a lesbian... |
| 438 | but it's wrong. |
| 439 | You're married. |
| 440 | I totally understand. |
| 441 | Good. |
| 442 | Could I just see your bra? |
| 443 | Hey. Hi. |
| 444 | Where did you get those jeans? |
| 445 | You gave them to me. |
| 446 | No, I didn't. |
| 447 | All right, I took them. |
| 448 | But I figured it would be okay |
| 449 | because you've got a big ink stain on the crotch. |
| 450 | Oh, no. |
| 451 | Did you take my bra, too? |
| 452 | What bra? |
| 453 | The pink one with the flowers. |
| 454 | You mean the one that you're wearing? |
| 455 | I quit. |
| 456 | Sounds about right. |
| 457 | What is this? |
| 458 | Hey. |
| 459 | This is just to give you an idea. |
| 460 | We can put screens here |
| 461 | so that the baby has privacy. |
| 462 | And maybe a mobile, you know, over the crib. |
| 463 | And, uh... oh, look, here's a baby monitor |
| 464 | which till the baby comes we can use as walkie-talkies. |
| 465 | Right? |
| 466 | Oh, you're so sweet. |
| 467 | Oh, my God, and you gave the baby Hugsie! |
| 468 | ( laughs ) |
| 469 | Uh... |
| 470 | That-That's really just to show where the baby would go. |
| 471 | You know, why don't I hold on to him |
| 472 | so there's no confusion. |
| 473 | But, Joey, the baby is going to be crying. |
| 474 | It's going to be loud. |
| 475 | I'm loud. |
| 476 | It's going to be up all night. |
| 477 | I'm up all night. |
| 478 | It's going to poop. |
| 479 | Hello? |
| 480 | What about all the women you want to bring home? |
| 481 | Look, if I'm bringing home a woman |
| 482 | who can't stand being around a baby |
| 483 | then maybe I don't want to be with that woman. |
| 484 | Or maybe we'll just do it in the bathroom of the club. |
| 485 | Joey, are you sure? |
| 486 | Yeah. |
| 487 | Look, I know sometimes it'll be hard, okay? |
| 488 | But... it'll also be really... really great. |
| 489 | Please, Rachel. |
| 490 | I really want you to stay. |
| 491 | I want me to stay, too. |
| 492 | Oh... Thank you. |
| 493 | Joey, and look at this crib. |
| 494 | It's so cute. |
| 495 | I know, I found it on the street. |
| 496 | Are you...? Really? |
| 497 | It's in such good condition. |
| 498 | Yeah. Wow. |
| 499 | Whoa, whoa, what's under the cover? |
| 500 | I don't know. |
| 501 | It's moving. Ooh. |
| 502 | It's still... Oh, it's got a tail! |
| 503 | Get it out of here! |
| 504 | Okay! Get it out of here! |
| 505 | Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. |
| 506 | Well... |
| 507 | The old lady died. |
| 508 | And how do I know? |
| 509 | Because her dying wish was for one last kiss. |
| 510 | But I don't care because you got the apartment. |
| 511 | Yes! |
| 512 | Ooh, yeah. |
| 513 | Um... I think I'm going to stay here. |
| 514 | Isn't that great? |
| 515 | Wha...? Y... |
| 516 | ( stammering ) |
| 517 | Aisels! |
| 518 | [Captioned by The Caption Center WGBH Educational Foundation] |
| 519 | |
| 1 | [instrumental music] |
| 2 | - Hey, Pheebs? - Huh? |
| 3 | I'm having dinner with my dad tomorrow night. |
| 4 | Do you wanna come? |
| 5 | Sure, yeah. He's kind of sexy. |
| 6 | Oh, no. No, I'll be there too. |
| 7 | Okay. So, we'll just come up with some kind of signal. |
| 8 | If it's going well, you can take off. |
| 9 | No, Pheeb, I just need you there for support. |
| 10 | I haven't told him that I'm pregnant yet. |
| 11 | Oh. Why not? |
| 12 | Because I know he's gonna flip out |
| 13 | and I hate it when he gets angry. |
| 14 | Oh, Rachel, this is all so "Papa Don't Preach." |
| 15 | What? Pheeb, wait. He's a scary guy. |
| 16 | I mean, one time he caught me smoking |
| 17 | he said if he ever saw me doing that again |
| 18 | he would make me eat the entire pack. |
| 19 | - Wow. Well, I will be there. - Okay. |
| 20 | Gosh, I'm not gonna let that man make you eat your baby. |
| 21 | Oh, hey, who is that guy? I think I know him. |
| 22 | - No, you don't. - No, you don't. |
| 23 | Oh, my God! |
| 24 | Monica, he's the stripper from your bachelorette party! |
| 25 | Her what? |
| 26 | Your secret bachelorette party. |
| 27 | You had a bachelorette party? |
| 28 | She untied his G-string with her teeth. |
| 29 | [chuckles] |
| 30 | Somebody stop me! |
| 31 | I thought we weren't gonna have bachelor-bachelorette parties. |
| 32 | You know, we-we agreed that it was a silly tradition. |
| 33 | It's a grand tradition. |
| 34 | I'm sorry. They surprised me. |
| 35 | There was nothing I could do. |
| 36 | Well, you could have untied it with your hands. |
| 37 | Oh, for.. |
| 38 | This is so unfair. |
| 39 | The one thing I wanted to do was throw my best friend |
| 40 | a bachelor party, but, oh, I wasn't allowed to. |
| 41 | All I got was a stupid steak dinner. |
| 42 | You went home with the waitress. |
| 43 | Oh, yeah, that was a pretty good night. |
| 44 | I can't believe you didn't tell me. |
| 45 | You know that the two pillars of marriage |
| 46 | are openness and honesty. |
| 47 | Oh, I knew giving you that book |
| 48 | was gonna come back and bite me in the ass. |
| 49 | [theme song] |
| 50 | ♪ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ♪ |
| 51 | ♪ Your job's a joke you're broke ♪ |
| 52 | ♪ Your love life's DOA ♪ |
| 53 | ♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪ |
| 54 | ♪ When it hasn't been your day ♪ |
| 55 | ♪ Your week your month or even your year ♪ |
| 56 | ♪ But I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 57 | ♪ 'Cause you're there for me too ♪♪ |
| 58 | [instrumental music] |
| 59 | How about I order everyone the Moroccan chicken? |
| 60 | Oh, I-I don't eat meat. |
| 61 | It's chicken. |
| 62 | Yeah, I don't eat that, either. |
| 63 | I'll never understand you lesbians. |
| 64 | So, baby, tell me, what is new with you? |
| 65 | - Well, actually, um.. - 'Ahem.' |
| 66 | Your '74 Lafite, sir. |
| 67 | '74? I ordered the '75. |
| 68 | That's a magnificent wine. The '74 is sewage. |
| 69 | Why would you bring me sewage? |
| 70 | Is that a hard question? |
| 71 | Are you an idiot? Is that why you're a waiter? |
| 72 | This is why I told the manager I wouldn't wait on you tonight. |
| 73 | Oh, come on! Don't be such a baby. |
| 74 | [clears throat] |
| 75 | In case you didn't notice, that is a scary man. |
| 76 | He's right, though. The '74 is absolute piss. |
| 77 | This was such a huge mistake. I can't tell him, Phoebe. |
| 78 | - I can't, I can't, I can't-- - Rachel-- |
| 79 | No, it's okay. This is what's gonna happen. |
| 80 | I'm gonna wait a couple of years |
| 81 | and then the baby will tell him. |
| 82 | Why, so he can get mad at the baby? |
| 83 | Hey, that is the...baby's problem. |
| 84 | Oh, everything okay with the waiter? |
| 85 | I have no idea. I went to the bathroom. |
| 86 | So, sweetie, you were starting to tell me what is, uh |
| 87 | what is new with you. |
| 88 | Well.. |
| 89 | I'm.. |
| 90 | I got TiVo. |
| 91 | - What's TiVo? - It's slang for pregnant. |
| 92 | Phoebe! |
| 93 | Are you really pregnant? |
| 94 | Well, uh, yes and no. |
| 95 | Except not no. |
| 96 | So, to sum it up, yeah. |
| 97 | Who is the father? |
| 98 | Oh, no. Please don't tell me it's her. |
| 99 | No, it's Ross. |
| 100 | It's Ross. You like Ross. |
| 101 | Oh, daddy, I hope you're okay with all this. |
| 102 | I mean, think about it. This is a good thing. |
| 103 | You're gonna.. This is your first grandchild. |
| 104 | You're gonna be a poppy. |
| 105 | - That's true. - Yeah. |
| 106 | A poppy. |
| 107 | - I'm gonna be a poppy! - Oh.. |
| 108 | [all laughing] |
| 109 | Oh! So, when is the wedding? |
| 110 | Uh, hmm, the who? |
| 111 | The wedding. There's going to be a wedding. |
| 112 | Young lady, don't you sit there and tell me |
| 113 | that my first grandchild is gonna be a bastard. |
| 114 | Rachel Karen Green, tell me there's gonna be a wedding! |
| 115 | February 2nd. |
| 116 | [instrumental music] |
| 117 | So, it was really cool seeing you lecture today. |
| 118 | Oh, thanks. |
| 119 | Although, uh, you kinda seemed |
| 120 | like you were falling asleep there a little. |
| 121 | Oh, no, no, I-I had my eyes closed so I could concentrate |
| 122 | and, you know, take it all in. |
| 123 | Yeah, a lot of my students do that. |
| 124 | Mmm. |
| 125 | So, um, I gotta get going. |
| 126 | Okay, I-I'll see you tonight? |
| 127 | - Yeah. Okay. - Okay. Bye. |
| 128 | Oh, hey, thanks again for showing me |
| 129 | your semiprecious stone collection. |
| 130 | It was amazing. |
| 131 | My God! You must be good in bed. |
| 132 | So, you and Mona? |
| 133 | It's been a while now. How's it goin'? |
| 134 | Uh, it's good. It's going, it's going good. |
| 135 | I mean, we-we get along great. |
| 136 | - She's, she's so.. - Hot? |
| 137 | Well, I-I was gonna say sweet, but yeah-huh. |
| 138 | And she's okay with Rachel and the baby? |
| 139 | Well, I haven't actually told her yet. |
| 140 | I-I don't wanna scare her off, you know? |
| 141 | Well, you have to be honest with her. |
| 142 | Otherwise you may think that you're going down the same path |
| 143 | but you're really going down different ones. |
| 144 | I'm gonna take that book and I'm gonna beat you |
| 145 | to death with it. |
| 146 | Oh, my God! You are gonna love me so much. |
| 147 | I felt really bad about the whole bachelorette party thing |
| 148 | so tonight you're gonna have a bachelor party. |
| 149 | - What? - Yeah. |
| 150 | I got this number from this guy at work |
| 151 | and I hired a stripper to come dance for you. |
| 152 | [chuckles] |
| 153 | Am I going in the Wife Hall of Fame or what? |
| 154 | [chuckles] |
| 155 | Honey, that's crazy. I don't want you to get me a stripper. |
| 156 | Will you let the lady talk? |
| 157 | Come on. Come on, it'll be fun. |
| 158 | It'll make me feel so much better. |
| 159 | [scoffs] Look, I appreciate it |
| 160 | but, uh.. |
| 161 | ...it's a little creepy, you know? |
| 162 | I'm not a bachelor anymore. |
| 163 | So don't think of it as a bachelor party. |
| 164 | Th-think of it as a |
| 165 | a two-month anniversary present. |
| 166 | Sure. One year is paper, but two months is lap dance. |
| 167 | Please. I feel so bad. |
| 168 | Just watch the hot woman get naked. |
| 169 | Alright, fine. But I'm only doing this for you. |
| 170 | Yeah! |
| 171 | And Joey. |
| 172 | Thank you. Alright. Now, who else do you wanna invite? |
| 173 | Uh, no, no, no, just, uh, Ross.. |
| 174 | Ross and Joey is embarrassing enough. |
| 175 | Uh, actually, sorry, I-I can't even make it. |
| 176 | - I'm seeing Mona again tonight. - I understand. |
| 177 | I mean, who would cancel an actual date |
| 178 | just to go to a fake bachelor party. |
| 179 | I'm sorry, I gotta cancel tonight, baby. |
| 180 | I'm sorry I won't be able to make it to your |
| 181 | imaginary wedding, but I'm-I'm really busy that day. |
| 182 | I-I already have a unicorn baptism |
| 183 | and a leprechaun bar mitzvah. |
| 184 | I know, I know. I panicked. I panicked. |
| 185 | I didn't want him to start yelling at me like I was some.. |
| 186 | ...'74 Latour. |
| 187 | It's Lafite. |
| 188 | The '74 Latour is actually drinking quite nicely. |
| 189 | Alright, here he comes. I'm gonna do this. |
| 190 | I'm gonna tell him. I'm gonna be strong. |
| 191 | I just called a friend of mine. |
| 192 | Yeah? |
| 193 | I think I may be able to book |
| 194 | The Plaza on short notice. |
| 195 | Really? |
| 196 | The Plaza? |
| 197 | Oh, daddy! Oh, my.. |
| 198 | Right. Daddy, I need to talk to you. |
| 199 | - Please, sit down. - What is it, sweetie? |
| 200 | There's not gonna be a wedding. |
| 201 | Ross and I are not getting married. |
| 202 | - What? - I'm sorry, daddy. |
| 203 | I don't believe this! |
| 204 | Uh.. Daddy, stay calm. Please. |
| 205 | Stay calm? How do you expect me to stay calm? |
| 206 | This is unacceptable, Rachel. |
| 207 | And I wanna know why? |
| 208 | Is it because that punk Ross won't marry you? |
| 209 | - That's it. Is that it? - Yes, yes. |
| 210 | He says I'm damaged goods. |
| 211 | [instrumental music] |
| 212 | So, you, uh, nervous about getting married? |
| 213 | What are you doing? |
| 214 | Look, let's pretend it's a real bachelor party, okay? |
| 215 | You know, before your wedding. It'll be more fun. |
| 216 | Alright. |
| 217 | I can't believe tomorrow's the big day. |
| 218 | How does it feel knowin' you're |
| 219 | never gonna be with another woman again, huh? |
| 220 | Knowing you're gonna have to wake up to the same face |
| 221 | every day until you finally have |
| 222 | the sweet release of death. |
| 223 | You're right. This is more fun. |
| 224 | [knock at door] |
| 225 | That's her. Okay, come on. |
| 226 | - Hi. - Hi. |
| 227 | [blows party horn] |
| 228 | So, which one of you lucky boys is Chandler? |
| 229 | Uh, that-that's me. |
| 230 | That's me. |
| 231 | Joey Tribbiani. Big fan. |
| 232 | So, is that a bedroom? |
| 233 | Yeah. Yeah, right over there. |
| 234 | Alright, whenever you're ready. |
| 235 | That was weird. |
| 236 | W-why would she go in the bedroom? |
| 237 | (stripper) 'I'm waiting.' |
| 238 | - So, she's a-- - Yep, that's one naked hooker. |
| 239 | I love your place. Where's this guy from? |
| 240 | Uh, that's an 18th century Indian artifact from Calcutta. |
| 241 | - Oh. Wow! - Yeah. |
| 242 | So...you're more than just dinosaurs. |
| 243 | - So much more. - Mm. |
| 244 | [both chuckles] |
| 245 | Oh! Oh, my God! |
| 246 | Oh, my God, I am so sorry. |
| 247 | Uh, forget it. It's from Pier One. |
| 248 | [knock at door] |
| 249 | Sorry. |
| 250 | You think you can knock up my daughter |
| 251 | and then not marry her? |
| 252 | I ought to kill you! |
| 253 | You know, this is actually not a great time for me. |
| 254 | So? Come on! |
| 255 | Explain yourself, Geller. |
| 256 | First, you get my Rachel pregnant. |
| 257 | You got Rachel pregnant? |
| 258 | - Who did? - You did! |
| 259 | Yes. |
| 260 | Yes, yes, I did, but-but it was, it was just a one night thing. |
| 261 | - It meant nothing. - Oh? Really? |
| 262 | That's what my daughter means to you? Nothing? |
| 263 | No, no, sir. Um, she means a lot to me. |
| 264 | I mean, I-I care.. I-I love Rachel. |
| 265 | - What? - Oh, but not that way. I mean.. |
| 266 | I mean, I'm not in love with her. |
| 267 | I love her like a-like a friend. |
| 268 | Oh, really? That's how you treat a friend? |
| 269 | You get her in trouble |
| 270 | and then you refuse to marry her? |
| 271 | Hey, I offered to marry her. |
| 272 | - What? - But I didn't want to. |
| 273 | Well, why not? |
| 274 | So you could spend your time with this tramp? |
| 275 | - Tramp? - Oh, I'm sorry. |
| 276 | Dr. Green, Mona. Mona, Dr. Green. |
| 277 | I can't believe there is a naked hooker in there. |
| 278 | Wait, wait, maybe she's a hooker and a stripper |
| 279 | but she got confused about what she's supposed to do. |
| 280 | Could be. I mean, technically, she did strip. |
| 281 | We just, we just missed it. |
| 282 | Ma'am? |
| 283 | Are you also a stripper? |
| 284 | (stripper) 'Uh, no, but I can pretend to strip.' |
| 285 | 'But that's gonna cost extra.' |
| 286 | 'Okay, here's the extras. Handcuffs, spanking..' |
| 287 | Nah-na-ma-huh! |
| 288 | Maybe Monica's playin' a joke on ya. |
| 289 | You know, gettin' her own husband a hooker. |
| 290 | That's pretty funny. |
| 291 | That is funny. |
| 292 | Maybe for my birthday, she'll murder someone. |
| 293 | And I bet Ross was in on it too. |
| 294 | I mean, he was conveniently busy. |
| 295 | (stripper) 'Do you mind if I smoke in here?' |
| 296 | Oh, actually, I'd rather.. |
| 297 | [clears throat] Yeah, go ahead. |
| 298 | We're gonna have to burn that room down anyway. |
| 299 | How could you have kept all of this from me? |
| 300 | - I was going to tell you, but-- - But what? |
| 301 | You figured you'd get what you wanted |
| 302 | then you'd dump her like you did Rachel. |
| 303 | Hey, I did not dump Rachel. |
| 304 | Nor are we still together. |
| 305 | [telephone ringing] |
| 306 | Oh, um.. |
| 307 | Can I.. |
| 308 | Why don't we just let the machine get that? |
| 309 | (Joey on phone) 'Hey, Ross, it's Joey.' |
| 310 | 'There's a hooker over here, and we thought maybe' |
| 311 | 'you'd know somethin' about it.' |
| 312 | No, no, no! |
| 313 | No, no! I-I-I need to lie down. |
| 314 | [instrumental music] |
| 315 | So, tonight's the night of the big bachelor party? |
| 316 | Yeah. Hey, thanks for giving me that girl's number. |
| 317 | No problem. So, who's the party for? |
| 318 | Uh, my husband. |
| 319 | You hired your husband a hooker? |
| 320 | - She's a stripper. - No, she's a hooker. |
| 321 | Is-is that what they call strippers sometimes? |
| 322 | When they're hookers. |
| 323 | Oh, my God, Stu. I-I can't believe you did this. |
| 324 | Now, you're absolutely sure she's a hooker? |
| 325 | Either that or she's just the best |
| 326 | most expensive date I ever had. |
| 327 | [instrumental music] |
| 328 | Maybe she meant to get you a hooker. |
| 329 | Why would she do that? |
| 330 | Maybe she wants you to learn something. |
| 331 | Huh? Now, is there anything you're really bad at? |
| 332 | You know, sexually? |
| 333 | This is the worst bachelor party ever. |
| 334 | (stripper) 'What's taking you boys so long?' |
| 335 | - In a minute. - In a minute? |
| 336 | What's gonna happen in a minute? |
| 337 | Alright, alright. Maybe.. |
| 338 | Maybe you should just ask her to leave. |
| 339 | - Why me? - Hey, it's your bachelor party. |
| 340 | Which is why you should do it. |
| 341 | I don't want to. You do it. |
| 342 | - You do it. - You do it. |
| 343 | Alright, Rock, Paper, Scissors |
| 344 | for who has to tell the whore to leave. |
| 345 | - What? - I miss this. |
| 346 | I don't think we've actually done this before. |
| 347 | No, no, no. |
| 348 | No, I-I miss hangin' out with you. |
| 349 | Well, we, we still hang out. |
| 350 | Yeah, but not like we used to. |
| 351 | Remember? You and me used to be inseparable. |
| 352 | You know, and now it's like.. |
| 353 | ...things are...different. |
| 354 | Well, you know, things are different. |
| 355 | I'm, I'm married now. |
| 356 | Yeah, sure. And hey, don't get me wrong. |
| 357 | I am so happy for you guys. |
| 358 | But I just...I miss.. |
| 359 | ...hangin' out...just-just us. You know? |
| 360 | - Yeah, I miss that too. - Right? |
| 361 | I'll tell you what, from now on, we'll make time |
| 362 | to hang out with each other. |
| 363 | You got it. Come here. |
| 364 | [chuckles] |
| 365 | Oh, God. |
| 366 | Listen, I am this close to robbin' you guys. |
| 367 | She's a hooker! She's a hooker! |
| 368 | She's a.. |
| 369 | Hi. Uh, we spoke on the phone. |
| 370 | [instrumental music] |
| 371 | So your dad dropped by. |
| 372 | He's a pleasant man. |
| 373 | - Oh, no. - I better go. |
| 374 | Just over here. I don't wanna miss the fight. |
| 375 | Ross, I'm so sorry. |
| 376 | Okay, I-I promise, I will straighten this out |
| 377 | with him tomorrow in person. |
| 378 | Or via e-mail. |
| 379 | I don't care about your dad. I care about Mona. |
| 380 | She was there and now she's totally freaked out. |
| 381 | Oh, okay, I'll fix that too. What's her e-mail address? |
| 382 | Rachel? |
| 383 | Alright, I promise, I'll fix this. I swear. |
| 384 | I'll-I'll-I'll talk to her. |
| 385 | - Okay. Thank you. - Okay. |
| 386 | That's it? |
| 387 | You call that a fight? Come on. "We were on a break." |
| 388 | "No, we weren't." What happened to you two? |
| 389 | [instrumental music] |
| 390 | [knock at door] |
| 391 | Thank you so much for coming back over. |
| 392 | Oh, good. You're here. |
| 393 | Yeah, and I was worried that it was going to be uncomfortable. |
| 394 | I know, Mona, just hear me out. |
| 395 | First of all, I am so sorry |
| 396 | about my father yelling at you. |
| 397 | But I heard that you totally held your own. |
| 398 | You're gonna have to tell me how you did that. |
| 399 | - Focus. - Okay. Uh, but, okay. |
| 400 | Yes, Ross and I used to date. |
| 401 | And, yes, we are gonna have...a baby |
| 402 | but we are definitely not getting back together. |
| 403 | How can I be sure of that? |
| 404 | Oh, because we drove each other crazy. |
| 405 | - Yeah. - I mean, he was possessive. |
| 406 | He was jealous. He could never just let the little things go. |
| 407 | - Trying to date this woman. - Right. |
| 408 | But none of that compared to how kind |
| 409 | and, and gentle and thoughtful he is. |
| 410 | Probably shouldn't touch me. |
| 411 | You know, I-I-I just.. |
| 412 | I don't wanna get in the middle |
| 413 | of something so complicated. |
| 414 | I-I get it, but-but, Mona |
| 415 | what relationship is not complicated? |
| 416 | I mean, we all have our baggage. |
| 417 | You must too. |
| 418 | Why else would you still be single? |
| 419 | I'm so gonna leave right now. |
| 420 | [sighs] |
| 421 | Should I leave this open for you too? |
| 422 | I'm not sure yet. |
| 423 | Why didn't you just tell me about all this? |
| 424 | Because what's going on with Rachel has nothing to do |
| 425 | with how I feel about you. |
| 426 | Yeah, well, you still should have told me. |
| 427 | I know, and I was going to |
| 428 | but...I thought it was better |
| 429 | that you heard it from Rachel's father. |
| 430 | Look, I, I made a mistake. |
| 431 | But it's only 'cause I really, really like you. |
| 432 | Really. |
| 433 | Okay. |
| 434 | I guess you can...close the door now. |
| 435 | [knock at door] |
| 436 | Forgot my purse. |
| 437 | Oh. You guys made up. |
| 438 | He's a good kisser, isn't he? |
| 439 | I'm going! |
| 440 | [instrumental music] |
| 441 | I swear I didn't know she was a hooker. |
| 442 | I mean.. |
| 443 | Did you let her smoke in here? |
| 444 | Her ass print is still on your grandmother's quilt. |
| 445 | Do you really want to talk about smoking? |
| 446 | You know what? |
| 447 | I'm gonna make this up to you. |
| 448 | I promised you a stripper.. |
| 449 | ["Let Me Blow Ya Mind" over stereo] |
| 450 | ...and you're gonna get a stripper. |
| 451 | Monica, wait. |
| 452 | What? |
| 453 | Carry on. |
| 454 | ♪ I had to give you up ♪ |
| 455 | ♪ It's only been a year ♪ |
| 456 | ♪ I got my foot through the door ♪ |
| 457 | ♪ And I ain't going nowhere ♪ |
| 458 | ♪ It took a while to get me in ♪ |
| 459 | ♪ And I'm gonna take my time ♪ |
| 460 | ♪ Don't fight that good shit.. ♪ |
| 461 | Ooh, these tennis shoes are so tight. |
| 462 | I think I'll take them off. |
| 463 | Could you not narrate? |
| 464 | Gotcha, sailor. |
| 465 | ♪ Snakes in my path wanna smile up at me ♪ |
| 466 | ♪ They wanna bank up makes me dizzy ♪ |
| 467 | ♪ Shank up haters wanna.. ♪♪ |
| 468 | (Dr. Green on phone) 'Just because you're not |
| 469 | in love with the guy..' |
| 470 | Oh, you told your dad the truth? |
| 471 | About an hour ago. |
| 472 | - Wanna go see a movie? - Yes. |
| 473 | Bye, daddy. |
| 474 | (Dr. Green on phone) '...there's gonna be a wedding!' |
| 475 | 'That's unacceptable, Rachel.' |
| 476 | 'What the hell does love have to do with it anyway?' |
| 477 | 'There are more important things in a marriage than love.' |
| 478 | [indistinct chatter over telephone] |
| 479 | 'You have to think about the consequences of your decision.' |
| 480 | Hey, I do too think about the consequences |
| 481 | of my decisions. |
| 482 | Well, what gives you the right to.. |
| 483 | Go to hell! |
| 484 | Stupid guy on my phone. |
| 485 | [theme music] |
| 486 | |
| 1 | Hey, Rach, listen. |
| 2 | Did you know that during pregnancy |
| 3 | your fingers swell up to twice their size |
| 4 | and never go back? |
| 5 | Oh, my God. |
| 6 | Let me see that. |
| 7 | You fall for it every time. |
| 8 | Hey. |
| 9 | Look, I brought you my old maternity clothes. |
| 10 | Oh, Pheebs, that's so sweet. |
| 11 | Oh, those are so cute. |
| 12 | And look. |
| 13 | See how they expand as the baby grows? |
| 14 | And then, after the baby's born |
| 15 | they're great for shoplifting melons. |
| 16 | Oh, good, you're all here. |
| 17 | Okay, Thanksgiving tomorrow, 4:00. |
| 18 | Oh. |
| 19 | And guess who I invited? |
| 20 | Remember that guy, Will Colbert from high school? |
| 21 | No. |
| 22 | He was in Ross's class. |
| 23 | Marching band, was kind of overweight. |
| 24 | Well, really overweight. |
| 25 | I mean, I was his thin friend. |
| 26 | Wow, I don't remember him. |
| 27 | Honey, are you sure you're not talking |
| 28 | about your imaginary boyfriend? |
| 29 | No, that was Jarod. |
| 30 | Wow. Haven't thought about him in a long time. |
| 31 | Anyway, Will's... Will's here on business |
| 32 | and he didn't haves a place to go |
| 33 | so I invited him here. |
| 34 | Well, that's nice. |
| 35 | Oh, and by the way he's lost a bunch of weight. |
| 36 | I mean, he looks good. |
| 37 | Okay, I mean really, really gorgeous. |
| 38 | ( clearing throat ) |
| 39 | I still love Chandler. |
| 40 | Wouldn't hurt you to say it once in a while. |
| 41 | All right, okay, also, just so you'll know-- |
| 42 | I'm not going to make a turkey this year. |
| 43 | What? Well... |
| 44 | Phoebe doesn't eat turkey. |
| 45 | Phoebe! |
| 46 | Turkeys are beautiful, intelligent animals. |
| 47 | No, they're not. They're ugly, and stupid and delicious. |
| 48 | All right, it's not just Phoebe. Will's still on a diet. |
| 49 | Chandler doesn't eat Thanksgiving food |
| 50 | and Rachel's having her aversion to poultry. |
| 51 | She is? Yeah. Don't you remember I had to leave the room the other day |
| 52 | when you had that roast chicken? |
| 53 | Yeah, but I thought that was just 'cause |
| 54 | I put the whole thing on my hand |
| 55 | and made it walk across the table. |
| 56 | Anyway, it just doesn't seem worth it |
| 57 | to make a whole turkey for just three people, okay? |
| 58 | It's a lot of work. |
| 59 | But you got to have turkey on Thanksgiving. |
| 60 | I mean, Thanksgiving with no turkey is like, like... |
| 61 | Fourth of July with no apple pie |
| 62 | or, or Friday with no two pizzas. |
| 63 | All right, fine, if it means that much to you |
| 64 | but there's going to be a ton left over. |
| 65 | No, there won't. I promise I will finish that turkey. |
| 66 | All right, you're telling me |
| 67 | you can eat almost an entire turkey |
| 68 | in one sitting? |
| 69 | That's right. |
| 70 | 'Cause I'm a Tribbiani. |
| 71 | This is what we do. |
| 72 | I mean, we may not be great thinkers |
| 73 | or world leaders. |
| 74 | We don't read a lot or run very fast |
| 75 | but, damn it, we can eat! |
| 76 | ♪ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ♪ |
| 77 | ♪ Your job's a joke, you're broke ♪ |
| 78 | ♪ Your love life's D.O.A. ♪ |
| 79 | ♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪ |
| 80 | ♪ When it hasn't been your day, your week ♪ |
| 81 | ♪ Your month, or even your year ♪ |
| 82 | ♪ But I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 83 | ♪ 'Cause you're there for me, too. ♪ |
| 84 | Isn't it weird to think about |
| 85 | how next year at this time |
| 86 | there'll be a little baby at the table? |
| 87 | Rachel's |
| 88 | but good to know where you're at. |
| 89 | Hey! Hey. |
| 90 | Happy Thanksgiving. You, too. |
| 91 | Anything I can do to help? Actually there is. |
| 92 | Chandler usually helps me with this, but he's really into the game, |
| 93 | so I don't want to bother him. |
| 94 | Could you help me fold these napkins? Sure. |
| 95 | I'm going to go across the hall to check on the yams. Okay. |
| 96 | Oh, no, no, no, sweetie. |
| 97 | No, not like that. |
| 98 | We're not at a barn dance. |
| 99 | You want to fold them like swans |
| 100 | like I showed you at Christmastime, remember? |
| 101 | Yeah, it all just came screaming back to me. |
| 102 | So, how's the game? |
| 103 | I have no idea. |
| 104 | What? |
| 105 | Yeah. I'm just pretending to watch the game |
| 106 | so I don't have to help out with stuff. |
| 107 | I don't believe you. |
| 108 | That is... brilliant. |
| 109 | And Monica has no idea? Nope. |
| 110 | Every once in a while, I just yell and scream stuff at the TV. |
| 111 | Hey! Oh, hey! |
| 112 | Is your team winning, hon? |
| 113 | Yeah, Anderson just scored again. |
| 114 | There's no Anderson. |
| 115 | Well, I want to get in on this. |
| 116 | Hey, Mon, I don't think I can help you after all. |
| 117 | I didn't realize this game was on. |
| 118 | Oh. I didn't know you liked football. |
| 119 | Well, normally I don't, but, you know... |
| 120 | Green Bay is playing. |
| 121 | You like Green Bay? |
| 122 | Well, it's only, like, my favorite bay. |
| 123 | ( knocking ) |
| 124 | Hey. Hey. |
| 125 | Happy Thanksgiving. Oh, thanks. |
| 126 | God, Will, I'm so glad that you came. |
| 127 | You look great. |
| 128 | You must have lost, like... |
| 129 | 150 pounds. |
| 130 | Yeah, I'm going to be in one of those Subway sandwich commercials. |
| 131 | A pie. All right. |
| 132 | It's no fat, it's no sugar, it's no dairy. |
| 133 | It's no good. Throw it out. |
| 134 | You want to meet some people? |
| 135 | This is, uh, this is my husband Chandler. |
| 136 | Chandler, this is Will. Hi. |
| 137 | Oh, hey. I'd shake your hand |
| 138 | but I'm really into the game. |
| 139 | Plus, I think it would be better for my ego |
| 140 | if we didn't stand right next to each other. |
| 141 | This is Phoebe. |
| 142 | Hi. |
| 143 | Hey. |
| 144 | Wow. |
| 145 | ( gasps ) |
| 146 | Well done. |
| 147 | Want to give me a hand? Sure. |
| 148 | Monica, I can't get over how great you look. |
| 149 | You look stunning. |
| 150 | You look incredible, too. You're so fit. |
| 151 | I'm watching the game, but I'm not deaf. |
| 152 | Oh, um, I meant to tell you-- Ross is coming. |
| 153 | Ross is coming? Great. I love Ross. |
| 154 | Good, and Rachel Green, too. |
| 155 | Ooh. |
| 156 | Is there a problem? |
| 157 | No. Uh... |
| 158 | It's okay. It's just, uh... |
| 159 | God, I hated her. |
| 160 | What? |
| 161 | Yeah, I hated her. |
| 162 | She was horrible to me in high school... |
| 163 | but, hey, it was a long time ago. |
| 164 | I'm in a good place. |
| 165 | It might be actually fun to see her again. |
| 166 | Okay. |
| 167 | Got any cakes or cookies or something? |
| 168 | No, Will. No. |
| 169 | You know, it's been a while since we've screamed something. |
| 170 | Maybe we should. |
| 171 | Oh, okay. |
| 172 | Oh, come on! No! |
| 173 | Damn you, ref! You burn in hell! |
| 174 | Hey, what are you doing? |
| 175 | You got to save room. You've got almost an entire turkey to eat. |
| 176 | Let me explain to you how the human body works. |
| 177 | I have to warm up my stomach first. |
| 178 | Eating chips is like stretching. |
| 179 | Okay. |
| 180 | Yeah. Don't worry, Tribbianis never get full. |
| 181 | I actually know what you're talking about |
| 182 | and I'm here to tell you something, friend. |
| 183 | You can eat and eat and eat |
| 184 | but nothing will ever fill that void. |
| 185 | Who the hell is this guy? |
| 186 | Will, from high school. Joey. |
| 187 | Oh, hey. Hello. |
| 188 | Will! Ross. |
| 189 | Hey, you came. |
| 190 | Man, you look incredible. |
| 191 | Hot stuff! |
| 192 | "Hot stuff"? |
| 193 | It's good to see you, man. |
| 194 | Yeah, you, too. |
| 195 | Man, so, what are you up to? |
| 196 | I'm a commodities broker. |
| 197 | Really? Yeah, that-that sounds interesting. |
| 198 | Yeah, it's not. |
| 199 | Oh. |
| 200 | But I'm rich and thin. |
| 201 | Oh. |
| 202 | Man, I don't think I've seen you |
| 203 | since Lance Davis's graduation party. |
| 204 | That was such a fun night. Yeah. |
| 205 | Would have been good if we'd gotten in |
| 206 | but still, real fun. |
| 207 | Yeah. Yeah. |
| 208 | God, we were lame back then. |
| 209 | Do you remember how into dinosaurs we were? |
| 210 | Yeah. |
| 211 | So, what do you... what do you do now? |
| 212 | So, how long are you in town? |
| 213 | Hi. |
| 214 | MONICA: Hey, sweetie. |
| 215 | MONICA: Oh, good. RACHEL: There you go. |
| 216 | Rachel Green. |
| 217 | Oh, oh, that's right. |
| 218 | Are you going to be okay? |
| 219 | Oh, I-I'll be fine. It's just... |
| 220 | God, I hate her, Ross. I hate her. |
| 221 | Okay. |
| 222 | Will, high school was a long time ago. |
| 223 | Look at her standing there with those yams. |
| 224 | My two greatest enemies, Ross-- |
| 225 | Rachel Green and complex carbohydrates. |
| 226 | Oh, my God, Monica, who is that? |
| 227 | That's Will, from high school. |
| 228 | Oh. I do not remember him. |
| 229 | Wow, really got that sexy, smoldering thing going on. |
| 230 | Oh, my God. He's... |
| 231 | Look at the way he's just staring at me. |
| 232 | I think he's trying to mouth something at me |
| 233 | but I can't make it out. |
| 234 | Okay, dinner's ready. |
| 235 | Good game. Yeah. |
| 236 | Yeah, solid effort, solid effort. |
| 237 | Oh, so who won? |
| 238 | Green Bay. Detroit. |
| 239 | What? |
| 240 | Well, the Lions technically won |
| 241 | but it was a moral victory for the Green Bay... Mermen. |
| 242 | Hi. |
| 243 | Will, right? Right. |
| 244 | Right. Hi, I'm Rachel Green. |
| 245 | Oh, I remember you. |
| 246 | Really? Mm-hmm. |
| 247 | Aren't you sweet? |
| 248 | I got to tell you, though, I am... |
| 249 | I am having the hardest time placing you. |
| 250 | Oh, oh, hang on. |
| 251 | I think I remember you. |
| 252 | Did we, um... |
| 253 | Did we fool around |
| 254 | at Lance Davis's graduation party? |
| 255 | You are unbelievable. |
| 256 | Thank you. |
| 257 | Rachel, Rachel-- |
| 258 | why don't you sit here? |
| 259 | And, Will, you sit way over there. |
| 260 | That's it? |
| 261 | Even if nobody helps me |
| 262 | I can eat that, no problem. |
| 263 | At least give me a challenge. |
| 264 | ( chuckling ) |
| 265 | This is Chandler's chicken. |
| 266 | Ah. |
| 267 | This... |
| 268 | is the turkey. |
| 269 | Oh. |
| 270 | H-H-How big is that? |
| 271 | It's about 19 pounds. |
| 272 | That's like me when I was born. |
| 273 | All right, who would like some yams? Will? |
| 274 | Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you? |
| 275 | What? |
| 276 | No. You know what? Can we please keep |
| 277 | the chicken and the turkey and everything |
| 278 | on the other side of the table? |
| 279 | The smell is just... yuck. |
| 280 | ( coughs ): Typical. |
| 281 | I'm sorry, what? |
| 282 | I said it was typical. |
| 283 | Typical of you, Rachel Green, Queen Rachel. |
| 284 | Does whatever she wants in little Rachel Land. |
| 285 | Seriously, who is this guy? |
| 286 | ( Rachel clears throat ) |
| 287 | Sorry, uh, do you... do you have a problem with me? |
| 288 | I don't know. Do I? Do I? |
| 289 | I think you do. |
| 290 | Apparently, you were a little mean to him in high school. |
| 291 | "A little mean"? You made my life miserable. |
| 292 | I'm-I'm s... I had no idea. I'm sorry. |
| 293 | Well, you should be. |
| 294 | Screw it. Bring on the yams. |
| 295 | Oh, Will, but you've worked so hard... |
| 296 | Yams! Okay. |
| 297 | RACHEL: Uh, Will, I just want to say that I'm real sorry |
| 298 | for whatever I-I did to you in high school. |
| 299 | Oh, it wasn't just me. We had a club. |
| 300 | You had a club? |
| 301 | That's right. The I Hate Rachel Green Club. |
| 302 | Whoa, my God. So, what, you all just joined together to hate me? |
| 303 | Who else was in this club? |
| 304 | Me... and Ross. |
| 305 | No need to point. |
| 306 | She knows who Ross is. |
| 307 | So, you were in an "I Hate Rachel" Club? |
| 308 | Yes, he was. |
| 309 | No, no. |
| 310 | So, who else was in this "club"? |
| 311 | Actually, there was also that exchange student from Thailand |
| 312 | but I don't think he knew what it was. |
| 313 | So, Ross, we went out for two years |
| 314 | and you never told me you were in an "I hate Rachel" club. |
| 315 | You went out with her? |
| 316 | We had a pact. |
| 317 | That was in high school. |
| 318 | It's not like it was binding forever. |
| 319 | Then why did it have the word "eternity" in it? |
| 320 | Okay, Monica, did you know about this? |
| 321 | I swear I didn't. Hey, is that why you guys |
| 322 | used to go up to your bedroom and lock the door? |
| 323 | Yeah. Yeah. |
| 324 | Mm, a little relieved, I got to say. |
| 325 | Look, Rach, I'm sorry, okay? |
| 326 | I was a stupid kid, okay? |
| 327 | The only reason I joined... |
| 328 | Cofounded. |
| 329 | Cofounded... |
| 330 | Cofounded the club |
| 331 | was that I was insanely in love with you. |
| 332 | Obviously, I didn't handle it very well. |
| 333 | But if you think about it |
| 334 | the I Hate Rachel Club |
| 335 | was really the I Love Rachel Club. |
| 336 | Uh, except that it was really |
| 337 | the I Hate Rachel club. |
| 338 | Okay, so, what? You guys would like get together |
| 339 | and like just say mean things about me? |
| 340 | Well, we did a little more than that. |
| 341 | No, no, no, no, no, no. |
| 342 | What, Will? What else did you do? |
| 343 | We started a rumor. |
| 344 | What rumor? |
| 345 | Oh, come on, Will, just take off your shirt and tell us. |
| 346 | Ross? |
| 347 | It's no big deal. |
| 348 | We-we... said that... |
| 349 | the rumor was that, um... |
| 350 | you had both... |
| 351 | male and female reproductive parts. |
| 352 | Ha! |
| 353 | What? |
| 354 | That's right. We said your parents |
| 355 | flipped a coin |
| 356 | decided to raise you as a girl |
| 357 | but you still had a hint of a penis. |
| 358 | Oh, my God! |
| 359 | You started that? |
| 360 | What? You heard that? |
| 361 | Everyone in our school heard it. |
| 362 | Everybody at my school heard it. |
| 363 | You were the hermaphrodite cheerleader from Long Island? |
| 364 | Oh, no! |
| 365 | Oh, my God. This is all making so much sense to me now. |
| 366 | This is why Adam Carter wouldn't go out with me. |
| 367 | This is why Billy Trate would just stay in this region. |
| 368 | Actually, Billy Trate is gay now |
| 369 | so that one's not really our fault. |
| 370 | Monica, how come you never told me this? |
| 371 | I thought it might be true |
| 372 | and I was afraid that you were going to cry |
| 373 | and then show it to me. |
| 374 | Joey, stop staring. |
| 375 | There's nothing there! It's not true! |
| 376 | I'm afraid I'm going to need proof. |
| 377 | Oh...! |
| 378 | ( groans ) |
| 379 | You are my Everest. |
| 380 | Joey, you don't have to finish that. |
| 381 | Oh, yes, I do. |
| 382 | Otherwise what's next? |
| 383 | You know, today I'm just a guy who can't finish a turkey |
| 384 | but tomorrow I'm the guy who eats half a power bar |
| 385 | wraps up the rest and puts it in the fridge? |
| 386 | No... no, I just... |
| 387 | I just got to change my pants. |
| 388 | What was I thinking? Jeans have no give. |
| 389 | Okay, okay, listen to what |
| 390 | Sean McMann wrote in my yearbook senior year. |
| 391 | "Dear Rach, you're such a great person." |
| 392 | Not girl. "Person." |
| 393 | Rach, I think you're reading a little too much into it. |
| 394 | "Dear Rach, you're a great person. |
| 395 | Sorry about your teeny weenie." |
| 396 | ( laughing ) |
| 397 | Look, what do you want me to do? |
| 398 | You want me to call everyone in the entire school |
| 399 | and tell them it wasn't true? |
| 400 | Yes. Could you also tell them |
| 401 | I'm skinny now? |
| 402 | Oh, me, too! |
| 403 | Well, look, I'm not calling anybody, okay? |
| 404 | It was like a million years ago. |
| 405 | I don't care how long ago it was. |
| 406 | You told people that I was half-and-half. |
| 407 | You know what? I just want to point out |
| 408 | I never did anything |
| 409 | to hurt you in high school. |
| 410 | That's not totally true. |
| 411 | What? What? |
| 412 | Well, you did start that rumor |
| 413 | about Ross making out with Mrs. Altman |
| 414 | our 50-year-old librarian. |
| 415 | How did you know that?! |
| 416 | It's true? |
| 417 | No. |
| 418 | Yes, it is. I saw you guys going at it behind the card catalog. |
| 419 | ( stammers ) |
| 420 | Mrs. Altman? |
| 421 | She also made out with Taka Ki Kek |
| 422 | the night before he went back to Thailand. |
| 423 | I'm sorry, when you were in high school |
| 424 | you made out with 50-year-old woman? |
| 425 | Hey, she didn't look 50. |
| 426 | Did she look 16? |
| 427 | Oh, there's a picture of her in the yearbook actually. |
| 428 | Oh. |
| 429 | Wow. |
| 430 | She didn't photograph well. |
| 431 | Well, she probably wasn't familiar with the process |
| 432 | having spent most of her life |
| 433 | sitting for oil paintings. |
| 434 | So, how did this happen? |
| 435 | Did she... did she lure you to an early-bird dinner? |
| 436 | I was working late in the library one afternoon. |
| 437 | It was just the two of us. |
| 438 | She needed some help with her word jumble. |
| 439 | And... |
| 440 | one thing led to another. |
| 441 | If you must know, |
| 442 | Anita was very gentle and tender. |
| 443 | May she rest in peace. |
| 444 | Didn't she walk with a cane? |
| 445 | Only when it was damp! |
| 446 | I can't believe you-you told people about this. |
| 447 | Everybody knew? |
| 448 | You know what? I'm back in the club. |
| 449 | Yeah! |
| 450 | I want to join! |
| 451 | What? Phoebe! |
| 452 | I'm sorry. I'm sorry. |
| 453 | But I never got to be in a club. |
| 454 | I didn't go to high school. |
| 455 | But three of us would meet |
| 456 | behind a dumpster to learn French. Bonjour. |
| 457 | All right, fine. |
| 458 | You guys can have your stupid little club |
| 459 | but I would just like to say that what you did to me |
| 460 | is way worse than what I did to you. |
| 461 | You gave me a teeny weenie. |
| 462 | ( chuckling ) |
| 463 | All right, listen. |
| 464 | You're just being silly. Rachel, even with that rumor |
| 465 | you were one of the most popular girls in school |
| 466 | and everyone wanted to be like you. |
| 467 | One girl wanted to be like you so much |
| 468 | she stuffed her pants with a Tootsie Roll. |
| 469 | Wow... |
| 470 | And, Ross, if it weren't for Rachel's rumor |
| 471 | no one in high school would've even known who you were. |
| 472 | She put you on the map. |
| 473 | As a romancer of the elderly. |
| 474 | Hey, Mrs. Altman was the kind of woman |
| 475 | you could tell she used to be pretty. |
| 476 | The eyes... they'd still sparkle. |
| 477 | Guys, this stuff is just so way in the past. |
| 478 | You've been through so much since then. |
| 479 | And right now you've got so more important stuff |
| 480 | going on in your lives. |
| 481 | Can't you just let this go? |
| 482 | ( sighs ) She's right. |
| 483 | Yeah, I mean, we are having a baby together. |
| 484 | Hold on. |
| 485 | You got her pregnant? |
| 486 | Yeah. |
| 487 | Are you getting married? |
| 488 | No. |
| 489 | So, you knocked her up, but you're not going |
| 490 | to marry her? |
| 491 | Dude... |
| 492 | Anybody? |
| 493 | Okay. |
| 494 | It's exactly how I imagined it would be. |
| 495 | All right, where's that turkey? |
| 496 | Joey, those are my maternity pants. |
| 497 | No, no, these are my Thanksgiving pants. |
| 498 | Well, that's it. I'm done. |
| 499 | Whoo... |
| 500 | Oh, here come the meat sweats. |
| 501 | Well, Joey, we're all... |
| 502 | we're all very proud of you. |
| 503 | Yes, I believe we can expect a call |
| 504 | from the president any moment now. |
| 505 | Is there anything we can do for you? |
| 506 | No, just nobody press on my stomach. |
| 507 | You can keep those pants, by the way. |
| 508 | Ooh, w-w-what do you got there? |
| 509 | Is that pie? |
| 510 | Yeah. You want some? |
| 511 | Ah, just cut me a little sliver. |
| 512 | A little bigger. |
| 513 | Bigger... |
| 514 | What? Are you afraid you're going to run out? |
| 515 | Cut me real piece! |
| 516 | |
| 1 | Hey. Hey. |
| 2 | So, what do you think? |
| 3 | New haircut? |
| 4 | Necklace? |
| 5 | Dress. |
| 6 | Boots? |
| 7 | Boots! |
| 8 | Yes! Now, they're a little more than I usually spend |
| 9 | on boots, um... or rent. |
| 10 | Oh, my God. |
| 11 | I know. |
| 12 | I'm going to miss being able to afford food. |
| 13 | I'm sorry. |
| 14 | They just looked so good. |
| 15 | And the saleswoman was looking at me like |
| 16 | "These are way too expensive for you." |
| 17 | She had a point. |
| 18 | ( knocking on door ) |
| 19 | Hi. Hey. |
| 20 | Oh, my God. |
| 21 | Oh, Monica. |
| 22 | Those boots are amazing! |
| 23 | They're mine! |
| 24 | Yeah, well, too bad we're going to have to return them. |
| 25 | Return them?! Shh! |
| 26 | They're going to hear you! |
| 27 | Honey, I'm not returning them, okay? |
| 28 | I mean, I know they cost a lot |
| 29 | but I'm going to wear them all the time-- you'll see. |
| 30 | And besides, I love the compliments. |
| 31 | I mean, have you ever had something that was so beautiful |
| 32 | that everyone wants it? |
| 33 | I have you. |
| 34 | Nice try. I'm keeping the boots. |
| 35 | Anyway, look... |
| 36 | ♪ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ♪ |
| 37 | ♪ Your job's a joke, you're broke ♪ |
| 38 | ♪ Your love life's D.O.A. ♪ |
| 39 | ♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪ |
| 40 | ♪ When it hasn't been your day, your week ♪ |
| 41 | ♪ Your month, or even your year ♪ |
| 42 | ♪ But I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 43 | ♪ 'Cause you're there for me, too. ♪ |
| 44 | That's right, I love you... |
| 45 | and I'm going to play with you all the time. |
| 46 | How can you let him talk to your crotch like that? |
| 47 | He's talking to the baby. |
| 48 | Oh, okay! |
| 49 | Okay, 'cause when he said |
| 50 | "I can't wait to hear your first words." |
| 51 | I thought, "There's a trick." |
| 52 | Okay... well, I got to go, you guys. |
| 53 | I'll see you later. |
| 54 | Okay. Okay. Bye. |
| 55 | Bye. |
| 56 | Oh, hey, Rach, listen-- hi. |
| 57 | Hi. |
| 58 | Um, can you do me a favor? |
| 59 | I was talking to my sister |
| 60 | and she knows you work at Ralph Lauren-- |
| 61 | Forget it-- no way-- I am not sending |
| 62 | any more Ralph Lauren clothes to prison; it is a waste. |
| 63 | No, no, no, no. Not her, not her. |
| 64 | My youngest sister, Deena-- |
| 65 | she's really interested in fashion |
| 66 | and she wants to talk to someone successful |
| 67 | to, you know, give her some advice. |
| 68 | I guess she could talk to one of my supervisors. |
| 69 | No, no, no, she wants to talk to you. |
| 70 | Really? |
| 71 | Oh, my God! |
| 72 | I'm successful. |
| 73 | So, will you meet with her? |
| 74 | Yes, I'd love to. Have her come by the office. |
| 75 | Great. Thanks. You're going to love her so much. |
| 76 | And, oh, she's the smartest of all the Tribbiani children. |
| 77 | Yeah, you know the SATs? |
| 78 | Yeah. |
| 79 | She took them. |
| 80 | Hey, Ross, doesn't Ben go to Smithfield Day School? |
| 81 | Yeah, why? |
| 82 | Sting has a son that goes there, too. |
| 83 | Yeah, I know. He's in Ben's class. |
| 84 | You knew this and you never said anything? |
| 85 | With all the stupid dinosaur stuff you tell us? |
| 86 | Fine. No more dinosaur stuff. |
| 87 | Can I talk about fossils? |
| 88 | ( groans ) |
| 89 | "Sting's son, seven years old." |
| 90 | And there's a picture. |
| 91 | What are you reading |
| 92 | The Kidnapper's Guide to Manhattan Private Schools? |
| 93 | No, it's New York magazine. |
| 94 | It's an article about the best schools in the city. |
| 95 | So, how well do you know Sting? |
| 96 | I actually haven't even met him. |
| 97 | Uh-huh. Yeah. That's too bad. |
| 98 | I really want to go to his concert Friday night |
| 99 | but it's totally sold out. |
| 100 | I know! |
| 101 | Why don't you meet him... |
| 102 | and get tickets! |
| 103 | If you get two, I'll take you. |
| 104 | Well, actually, I'm picking Ben up tomorrow. |
| 105 | Maybe he'll be there. |
| 106 | There you go! |
| 107 | Oh, you're so lucky. |
| 108 | You might actually get to meet Sting tomorrow. |
| 109 | That's why you have kids. |
| 110 | Hey, guys. Hey. |
| 111 | Hi, Monica. Hi. |
| 112 | Hi, boots. |
| 113 | See, Chandler, I'm getting a lot of use |
| 114 | out of them already. |
| 115 | They're very practical. |
| 116 | See, you can wear them with dresses |
| 117 | with skirts, with pants... |
| 118 | You can wear them with shorts on the street corner |
| 119 | and earn the money to pay for them. |
| 120 | Wow. They're beautiful. |
| 121 | They hurt so much! |
| 122 | What?! |
| 123 | The guy who made these |
| 124 | hates feet and wants to see them die. |
| 125 | Well, give them to me. |
| 126 | I haven't felt my feet in years. |
| 127 | I can't. I spent so much money on them |
| 128 | and I told Chandler that I wear them all the time. |
| 129 | I can't just give them away. |
| 130 | Well, then get your money back and return them. |
| 131 | I can do that, either. |
| 132 | The soles are already a little scuffed up |
| 133 | and the insides are filled with my blood. |
| 134 | Oh. |
| 135 | Hi. Hey. |
| 136 | Hey, I just picked up Ben from school. |
| 137 | Oh. |
| 138 | I don't think you did a very thorough job. |
| 139 | I dropped him off at Carol's. |
| 140 | Anyway, it turns out |
| 141 | I'm not going to get those tickets, though. |
| 142 | Oh, no! Why not? |
| 143 | Well, it turns out Ben and Sting's son do not get along. |
| 144 | How come? |
| 145 | Apparently, Sting's son |
| 146 | made fun of the fact |
| 147 | that Ben's moms are "lesbinems." |
| 148 | Wait, but, Ross, if they don't get along |
| 149 | then you should smooth things over. |
| 150 | Make them be friends. |
| 151 | Phoebe, you can't force kids to be friends. |
| 152 | Sure you can. |
| 153 | Give them some blocks. Put them in a playpen. |
| 154 | Playpen?! Ben's seven. |
| 155 | Your kid is seven?! |
| 156 | He's really small. |
| 157 | Please, please get the tickets. |
| 158 | I'm sorry, Pheebs. |
| 159 | I just can't do it. |
| 160 | Yes, you can. |
| 161 | Sting says so himself. |
| 162 | What? |
| 163 | ( to tune of "Roxanne" ): ♪ Ross can! ♪ |
| 164 | Look, Phe-- I'm sorry, it's just that-- |
| 165 | ♪ Ross can! ♪ |
| 166 | Phoebe, I... |
| 167 | ♪ Ross can, get me the tickets! ♪ |
| 168 | ♪ Ross can get me the tickets! ♪ |
| 169 | Here she is-- |
| 170 | future fashion superstar. |
| 171 | Oh, Joey, I'm hardly-- |
| 172 | My little sister Deena! |
| 173 | Right. Hi, Deena. |
| 174 | Nice to meet you. Hi. |
| 175 | Thanks so much for meeting with me. |
| 176 | Joey's told me so much about you. |
| 177 | This is so exciting for her. |
| 178 | Well, I'll let you two fash... ists |
| 179 | get down to business. |
| 180 | All right... okay... |
| 181 | Okay. |
| 182 | All right, Deena. |
| 183 | Well, let's talk about the different areas of fashion |
| 184 | that you could get involved in. |
| 185 | Let's see, there's design-- |
| 186 | but you may need a whole other degree for that-- |
| 187 | uh, there's sales, which is great |
| 188 | because you get to travel... |
| 189 | I don't care about fashion. |
| 190 | I'm pregnant, and I know you are, too |
| 191 | so you got to help me. |
| 192 | And there's marketing. |
| 193 | Oh, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow! |
| 194 | Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh! |
| 195 | Okay. |
| 196 | ( yelping in pain ) |
| 197 | What's wrong? |
| 198 | Oh, nothing, I just... I just was yawning. |
| 199 | ( yelping yawn ) |
| 200 | Oh, don't forget, my office holiday party is tonight. |
| 201 | Honey, we don't really have to go to this thing tonight, do we? |
| 202 | Now, sweetie, I know that you don't like my office parties |
| 203 | but you could wear your new boots. |
| 204 | See, every cloud has a supple leather lining. |
| 205 | I don't think that I want to wear the boots tonight. |
| 206 | Why not? |
| 207 | Well, you know, I'm just worried |
| 208 | that your bosses will see them |
| 209 | and think they pay you too much money. |
| 210 | Or your assistant will see them and want a raise. |
| 211 | Do you think I work at some kind of boot-pricing company? |
| 212 | Well, anyway, I've picked out this outfit that I want to wear |
| 213 | and the boots don't really go with it. |
| 214 | You said that you paid all that money |
| 215 | because those boots go with skirts, dresses and pants. |
| 216 | Fine. And if you want me to wear the boots |
| 217 | I'll wear the boots. |
| 218 | In fact, I'll go into my room right now |
| 219 | and, you know, try the outfit on. |
| 220 | Okay. |
| 221 | Ooh-wee! |
| 222 | ( giggling ) |
| 223 | Christmas party in my boots! |
| 224 | ( pained laughter ) |
| 225 | I can't go in there. |
| 226 | I can't tell him. |
| 227 | Honey, it's going to be okay. |
| 228 | He has been incredibly supportive of me. |
| 229 | And if he gets a little upset |
| 230 | that's what the meatball sub is for. |
| 231 | Thank you. |
| 232 | Hey! |
| 233 | It's my fashion girls! |
| 234 | What's wrong? |
| 235 | Honey, why don't you sit down? |
| 236 | Deena has something that she wants to tell you. |
| 237 | Oh. What... what's going on? |
| 238 | Is it Mom? Is she sick? |
| 239 | Is it Dad's heart? |
| 240 | Is that a sandwich? |
| 241 | Joe, Mom and Dad are fine. |
| 242 | Is that a sandwich?! |
| 243 | Joey, there's something that you should know. |
| 244 | Deena? |
| 245 | I'm pregnant. |
| 246 | What?! |
| 247 | Now-- give him the sandwich. |
| 248 | Give him the sandwich! |
| 249 | Well, obviously, this is a mistake. |
| 250 | You can't be pregnant |
| 251 | because you have to have sex to get pregnant. |
| 252 | Joe, I tried to wait until I was 25, like you did. |
| 253 | What?! Deena... |
| 254 | Oop! |
| 255 | Sh-- |
| 256 | I can't believe this! |
| 257 | You're the good one! |
| 258 | You went to college! |
| 259 | Both years! |
| 260 | Who did this to you? |
| 261 | Bobby Corso. |
| 262 | But he's a real nice guy. |
| 263 | I like him a lot. He's real funny. |
| 264 | You got pregnant for funny? |
| 265 | Deena, if he's funny, laugh! |
| 266 | I'll be back in a little while. You stay here. |
| 267 | Why? Where you going? |
| 268 | I can't look at you right now. |
| 269 | ( heavy sigh ) |
| 270 | Wow. |
| 271 | I know. |
| 272 | Oh, there you are, Ben. |
| 273 | Aunt Phoebe |
| 274 | what are you doing here? |
| 275 | Well, I heard you're having a problem |
| 276 | with one of the boys in your class |
| 277 | and so I thought I would just come down here |
| 278 | and sit you both down, have a little talk |
| 279 | and make it all okay. |
| 280 | Now, the boy's name is Sting's Son. |
| 281 | Jack? I hate him. He's a jerk. |
| 282 | Now, Ben, sometimes people may seem like jerks on the outside |
| 283 | but they have famous fathers. |
| 284 | I have to go. |
| 285 | My friend Doug is waiting for me over there. |
| 286 | Him you're friends with. |
| 287 | Excuse me. |
| 288 | Can I help you with something? |
| 289 | Yes. Yes, you can. |
| 290 | I'm looking for Jack's parents. |
| 291 | Are you with one of the students? |
| 292 | Uh-huh, I'm with Ben. |
| 293 | Are you one of Ben's mothers? |
| 294 | I am one of Ben's mothers. |
| 295 | I'm a lesbian. |
| 296 | It was difficult coming out to my parents. |
| 297 | Well, hi. |
| 298 | I'm Jenny Boone. |
| 299 | I'm a new teacher here. |
| 300 | I've only met your partner Carol. |
| 301 | Ah, okay, so that would make me Susan. |
| 302 | Right. |
| 303 | Are you looking for Jack's parents |
| 304 | to discuss the problems he's having with Ben? |
| 305 | Yeah, because I really do think |
| 306 | the parents should sit down together |
| 307 | and have a conversation. |
| 308 | Yeah! Let's do that! |
| 309 | That... that sounds good. |
| 310 | We should sit down and talk. |
| 311 | Just me, my lover Carol and the Stings. |
| 312 | Um, now, how... how will I get in touch with them? |
| 313 | Oh, their number's on the contact sheet. |
| 314 | Uh-huh, uh-huh. |
| 315 | Could I get a copy of that |
| 316 | 'cause Carol threw it out. |
| 317 | She lost ours. |
| 318 | She's such a scatterbrain. |
| 319 | But what a hot piece of ass. |
| 320 | You know, that party wasn't bad. |
| 321 | Yeah. |
| 322 | I didn't know there'd be dancing. |
| 323 | That was a fun surprise. |
| 324 | I don't see any cabs. |
| 325 | Maybe we should just walk. |
| 326 | No, no, we can't walk. |
| 327 | It's, like, 15 blocks to the subway. |
| 328 | Let's go. |
| 329 | Hey, do you think we can get the subway right there |
| 330 | if we climb down through that manhole cover? |
| 331 | What's going on? |
| 332 | I can't walk, okay? |
| 333 | Okay, these boots were a huge mistake. |
| 334 | What? |
| 335 | Okay, you were right, all right? |
| 336 | I never should have bought them. |
| 337 | They're killing me one toe at a time. |
| 338 | So I was right. |
| 339 | This is what it feels like to be right. |
| 340 | It's oddly unsettling. |
| 341 | How are we going to get home? |
| 342 | Maybe a piggyback ride? |
| 343 | Hop on. |
| 344 | Okay, just give me a second. |
| 345 | Let me just get my boots off first. |
| 346 | Oh. Oh... |
| 347 | Oh... oh, God. |
| 348 | Oh... oh... oh... |
| 349 | Honey, I know you're in pain right now |
| 350 | but I'm a little turned on. |
| 351 | Do you ever worry that you'll be walking |
| 352 | and your baby will just, like, slip out? |
| 353 | What college was that, Deena? |
| 354 | Oh, my God. |
| 355 | Bobby? |
| 356 | Hi, Deena. Good to see you. |
| 357 | Joey, what are you doing? |
| 358 | Just what needs to be done. |
| 359 | Dearly beloved, we are gathered here to join... |
| 360 | Joey, this is crazy. |
| 361 | Don't interrupt me when I'm talking to God. |
| 362 | Now, where were we? |
| 363 | Oh, right, okay, do you, Deena, take this man... |
| 364 | No! |
| 365 | Oh, you'll take him. |
| 366 | No, I won't. |
| 367 | You don't get a say in this. |
| 368 | Yes, I do. |
| 369 | I heard "I do." |
| 370 | We're halfway there. Okay, you... |
| 371 | All right, Joey |
| 372 | that is enough. |
| 373 | Listen, as beautiful and moving as this ceremony is |
| 374 | this is not legal, okay? |
| 375 | They don't have a marriage license |
| 376 | they don't have any witnesses |
| 377 | and the groom only has on one shoe. |
| 378 | Yeah, he took the other one off and hit me with it. |
| 379 | Well, what am I supposed to do? |
| 380 | You're supposed to realize |
| 381 | that they are adults |
| 382 | and that they can make their own decisions. |
| 383 | No, they can't. |
| 384 | They were stupid enough |
| 385 | to get knocked up. |
| 386 | Hey. |
| 387 | Contraceptives are not always effective. |
| 388 | Right? |
| 389 | Yeah... we kind of didn't use any. |
| 390 | Oh, come on, kids, a little help here. |
| 391 | Wow. This place is incredible. |
| 392 | ( gasps ) |
| 393 | Sting's pen... |
| 394 | that he gave to Phoebe. |
| 395 | ( gasps ) |
| 396 | Come on, secret passageway. |
| 397 | Hi. |
| 398 | Hi. |
| 399 | I'm Trudy. |
| 400 | You must be Ben's mum. |
| 401 | Why else would I be here? |
| 402 | Do sit down. |
| 403 | Uh-huh. |
| 404 | I gather Jack and Ben |
| 405 | haven't been getting along lately. |
| 406 | Yeah. |
| 407 | I'm sure there are two sides to this story |
| 408 | but all I've heard is that Ben's a bit of a poo-poo head. |
| 409 | Um, I'm sorry. |
| 410 | Won't Jack's father be joining us? |
| 411 | Well, I'm sorry. Jack's father's not available. |
| 412 | Mm-hmm. |
| 413 | Okay. |
| 414 | Well, then could we reschedule |
| 415 | for say, Friday night, perhaps at 8:00? |
| 416 | Oh, no, I know that wouldn't work. |
| 417 | My husband's in concert. |
| 418 | Concert. Yeah. |
| 419 | That just put us in quite a pickle. |
| 420 | Because you see, I'm very busy before and after the concert |
| 421 | and he's obviously busy during. |
| 422 | So, I guess you and I |
| 423 | should talk about Jack and Ben right now. |
| 424 | Unless... unless, um... |
| 425 | okay, I would be willing to go to the concert. |
| 426 | All the while, thinking about the children, of course. |
| 427 | Are you here for tickets? |
| 428 | Thank you. |
| 429 | Four would be great. |
| 430 | Wow. I'm not giving concert tickets |
| 431 | to someone who'd use their son like this. |
| 432 | Oh, then you're in luck. |
| 433 | Ben's not my son. |
| 434 | Look, I've just pressed a button |
| 435 | triggering a silent alarm. |
| 436 | Any minute now the police will be here. |
| 437 | The Police... here? |
| 438 | A reunion? Ooh. |
| 439 | Okay, ten blocks down, five to go. |
| 440 | Oh, wait. Stop, stop, stop. |
| 441 | Oh, I'm sorry. Do you need a break? |
| 442 | My boots in tan. |
| 443 | Hey, can you get a little closer |
| 444 | so I can see the price? |
| 445 | I can see it from right here. |
| 446 | It'll cost you one husband. |
| 447 | Okay, I'm sorry. |
| 448 | I think I can walk the rest of the way now. |
| 449 | Just give me my boots. |
| 450 | I don't have your boots. |
| 451 | Well, I don't have them, either. |
| 452 | Where are they? |
| 453 | Well, why don't you check in one of my saddlebags |
| 454 | while I chew on a bale of hay. |
| 455 | Okay... |
| 456 | We've got to go back and get them. |
| 457 | Honey, are you seriously |
| 458 | ever going to wear the boots again? |
| 459 | I'm never going to wear them again. |
| 460 | I just didn't get a chance to say good-bye. |
| 461 | You know what? |
| 462 | You can say good-bye to the tan ones. |
| 463 | Okay. |
| 464 | All right. |
| 465 | Okay. |
| 466 | Bye, boots. |
| 467 | Wait! |
| 468 | Half off?! |
| 469 | Joey, just because |
| 470 | they're not getting married |
| 471 | doesn't mean that this is going to be a disaster. |
| 472 | Maybe they have a plan. |
| 473 | Oh, oh, okay. |
| 474 | Okay, let's hear their plan. |
| 475 | Now, what's the future look like for Deena and Bobby? |
| 476 | Well... I really have high hopes for my band. |
| 477 | You were right. |
| 478 | He is funny. |
| 479 | RACHEL: Hey, wait a minute. |
| 480 | I bet when you told people at first |
| 481 | that you wanted to be an actor they laughed at you. |
| 482 | Come on, Bobby |
| 483 | why don't you tell us a little bit about your band. |
| 484 | It's just me and my pal Rooster. |
| 485 | The band's name is Numb Nuts. |
| 486 | Really? |
| 487 | Deena, if you're having a baby |
| 488 | you should be married. |
| 489 | Even if it is to Bobby. |
| 490 | Dude, that's not a compliment. |
| 491 | You know, Joey, I knew you wouldn't be supportive. |
| 492 | So, what, what are you going to do? |
| 493 | You going to have the baby |
| 494 | and raise it by yourself? |
| 495 | Without a husband? |
| 496 | You can't be a single mother alone. |
| 497 | You're going to ruin your life. |
| 498 | Well, excuse me. |
| 499 | Am I ruining my life? |
| 500 | No, no, no, it's different for you. |
| 501 | You're so strong and together. |
| 502 | You're not some dumb kid |
| 503 | who doesn't know what she's doing. |
| 504 | Excuse me? |
| 505 | One pregnant woman at a time, please. |
| 506 | I just want you to be okay. |
| 507 | So forcing her to marry Bobby |
| 508 | is going to make that happen? |
| 509 | Maybe. |
| 510 | So, what kind of music does Numb Nuts...? |
| 511 | Aw, forget it. I can't. |
| 512 | Joey... |
| 513 | I am scared to death about this. |
| 514 | But I really think I can do it. |
| 515 | I'm just going to need some help. |
| 516 | And Bobby's going to be here the whole time. |
| 517 | You bet I am. |
| 518 | And to answer your earlier question |
| 519 | we're straight-up gangsta rap. |
| 520 | Look, Rachel's told me how much easier |
| 521 | you've made all this on her. |
| 522 | Why can't you do that for me? |
| 523 | Because... because... because you're my baby sister. |
| 524 | And you're my big brother. |
| 525 | I mean, you're my favorite guy |
| 526 | in the whole world. |
| 527 | I'm not even scared to tell Mom and Dad. |
| 528 | I was scared of telling you. |
| 529 | Well, I'd be scared of them, but all right. |
| 530 | Joey, I can't stand the thought of having this baby |
| 531 | with you mad at me. |
| 532 | I want him to have his uncle. |
| 533 | Is my baby going to have his Uncle Joey? |
| 534 | Of course he's going to have his Uncle Joey. |
| 535 | We're going to be all right. |
| 536 | I mean, even if we're not married |
| 537 | this baby is going to be so loved. |
| 538 | And not just by us. |
| 539 | That's right. |
| 540 | By his uncle, too. |
| 541 | And by you. |
| 542 | Okay, Bobby, why don't we just come over here |
| 543 | and let them have a little moment, okay? |
| 544 | Come here. |
| 545 | No, seriously, what's wrong with you? |
| 546 | You're going to love me so much. I got Sting tickets! |
| 547 | Oh, my God, I do love you! |
| 548 | How did you do it? |
| 549 | Well, let's just say... |
| 550 | ♪ Ross can! ♪ |
| 551 | Where are the seats? |
| 552 | Middle balcony. |
| 553 | Okay, would you say that that's more |
| 554 | than 50 yards away from Sting |
| 555 | his wife or a member of his family? |
| 556 | Yeah. |
| 557 | Then that's not breaking the law. I'm there! |
| 558 | Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org |
| 559 | |
| 1 | Phoebe. Yeah? |
| 2 | Look at that guy by the window. |
| 3 | Wow. |
| 4 | He's awfully short. |
| 5 | And I think he's talking to himself. |
| 6 | And to be completely honest, he's not that good in bed. |
| 7 | Oh, what is wrong with me lately? |
| 8 | I mean, it's like every guy I see... |
| 9 | I mean, okay, look at that guy for example. |
| 10 | I mean, normally that's not someone I would be attracted to |
| 11 | but right now, with the way I'm feeling |
| 12 | all I want to do is rip off his sweatpants and fanny pack. |
| 13 | Wait a second. |
| 14 | This is about the fourth month of your pregnancy, right? |
| 15 | Yeah. This is completely normal. |
| 16 | Around the fourth month, your hormones start going crazy. |
| 17 | Really? So this has happened to you? |
| 18 | Oh, absolutely, yeah. |
| 19 | Oh, and keep in mind now, I was carrying triplets. |
| 20 | So, you know, in medical terms |
| 21 | I was thrice as randy. |
| 22 | Wow, this explains so much. |
| 23 | Last weekend, I went from store to store |
| 24 | sitting on Santa's laps. |
| 25 | Yeah, yeah, I remember trying to steal a cardboard cutout |
| 26 | of Evander Holyfield from a Foot Locker. |
| 27 | Uh. Yeah, oh. |
| 28 | Well, you know what, I go see my doctor tomorrow. |
| 29 | I'll ask her about this. |
| 30 | Maybe she can give me a pill or something. |
| 31 | Yeah, yeah, that's what you need, a good pill. |
| 32 | ♪ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ♪ |
| 33 | ♪ Your job's a joke, you're broke ♪ |
| 34 | ♪ Your love life's D.O.A. ♪ |
| 35 | ♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪ |
| 36 | ♪ When it hasn't been your day, your week ♪ |
| 37 | ♪ Your month, or even your year ♪ |
| 38 | ♪ But I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 39 | ♪ 'Cause you're there for me, too. ♪ |
| 40 | Hey. Hi. Hey. |
| 41 | Hi. Hi. |
| 42 | I got our pictures developed from Rockefeller Center. |
| 43 | Oh, great. Hey, Joey |
| 44 | want to check out pictures of me and Mona ice skating? |
| 45 | Oh, uh... ordinarily I would love to |
| 46 | but I am just swamped right now. |
| 47 | Where are the pictures that that creepy pretzel vendor |
| 48 | took of us together? |
| 49 | Oh, yeah, probably at the end. |
| 50 | Oh, my god. |
| 51 | All he took were pictures of my breasts. |
| 52 | I'm missing picture time? |
| 53 | You know |
| 54 | she has a face, Ross. |
| 55 | Okay, okay, here's a good one of us. |
| 56 | Wow, that is a good one. |
| 57 | Wow, looks like a holiday card. |
| 58 | You know, with the tree in the middle |
| 59 | and the skaters and the snow. |
| 60 | You know, every year I say |
| 61 | I'm going to send out holiday cards and I never do it. |
| 62 | Do you want to send this one out together? |
| 63 | Together? L-Like to people? |
| 64 | Yeah, you know, "Happy Holidays from Mona and Ross." |
| 65 | It'll be cute, okay? |
| 66 | Okay. |
| 67 | Oh, I got to get to work. |
| 68 | So call me later? Oh, sure. |
| 69 | Bye, guys. |
| 70 | Bye. |
| 71 | Congratulations, you just got married. |
| 72 | I know, can you believe that? |
| 73 | Wait, I'm sorry |
| 74 | what's the big deal about a holiday card? |
| 75 | Married couples send out cards. |
| 76 | Families send out cards. |
| 77 | People who've been dating for a couple of months |
| 78 | do not send out cards. |
| 79 | What, is she crazy? |
| 80 | Hey, hey, that's your wife you're talking about. |
| 81 | Bing! |
| 82 | Oh, and the Bingette. |
| 83 | Oh, honey, you remember my boss Doug, right? |
| 84 | Yes, hi. |
| 85 | Hi. So, good news-- |
| 86 | the divorce is final. I sign the papers this a.m. |
| 87 | Oh, I didn't know you and Carol |
| 88 | were getting a divorce. I'm sorry. |
| 89 | Sorry? |
| 90 | Finally chewed my leg out of that bear trap. |
| 91 | Hey |
| 92 | congratulations to you guys, though. |
| 93 | Well, no leg chewing for us, sir. |
| 94 | Well, give it time. |
| 95 | So, the divorce, the marriage |
| 96 | we got a lot to celebrate. |
| 97 | How about we all go out to dinner tomorrow night? |
| 98 | I can't think of anything we're doing. |
| 99 | Why can't I think of anything we're doing? |
| 100 | Tomorrow night it is then. |
| 101 | I should be out of court by 6:00. |
| 102 | They keep throwing these sexual harassment cases at me |
| 103 | and I keep knocking them out of the park. |
| 104 | Okay, see you tomorrow. |
| 105 | Just so you know, we're not seeing him tomorrow. |
| 106 | I cannot spend another evening with that man. |
| 107 | Do you remember how he behaved at our wedding? |
| 108 | No. |
| 109 | That's because he wasn't invited. |
| 110 | Because of the way he behaved at our engagement party. |
| 111 | Oh, yeah. |
| 112 | Boy, urine cuts right through |
| 113 | an ice sculpture, doesn't it? |
| 114 | ( knocking on door ) |
| 115 | Hi. Hey. |
| 116 | Hey, I went by the photo shop. |
| 117 | Take a look. |
| 118 | Here is a mock-up of our card. |
| 119 | What do you think? |
| 120 | Huh. Wow, that's great. |
| 121 | Now do you think it should say, "Love, Ross and Mona"? |
| 122 | Well, we haven't said that to each other yet |
| 123 | but... I guess it's okay to say it to other people. |
| 124 | How many did you want? I'm getting 100. |
| 125 | A hundred? |
| 126 | Well, I, uh, I guess I'll take, uh... |
| 127 | Mona... |
| 128 | I-I don't... I'm not sure about the whole, uh... |
| 129 | the card thing. |
| 130 | Really, why not? |
| 131 | Sending out a holiday card together... |
| 132 | I just don't know if we're really quite there yet. |
| 133 | You know, I didn't think of it that way. |
| 134 | You're right... you're right. |
| 135 | So can I ask you a question? |
| 136 | Yeah. |
| 137 | Where are we? |
| 138 | Huh? |
| 139 | You know... |
| 140 | like where are we? |
| 141 | Where is this relationship going? |
| 142 | Hmm. |
| 143 | I mean, I love spending time with you, you know? |
| 144 | I just hope we're moving forward. |
| 145 | We should probably talk about that, don't you think? |
| 146 | Let's do the card. |
| 147 | What? |
| 148 | The card. |
| 149 | I think we're there. |
| 150 | Okay. |
| 151 | But I still think we should have this conversation. |
| 152 | ( squeaks ): Really? |
| 153 | I mean... even with the card? |
| 154 | ( knocking on door ) |
| 155 | Hi. Hi. |
| 156 | Just so you know |
| 157 | Dr. Long can't be here today |
| 158 | she was called to the hospital. |
| 159 | So Dr. Schiff will be seeing you. |
| 160 | Oh, okay. |
| 161 | Hey, can I ask you a question? |
| 162 | Was it me or was the guy who took my blood sample |
| 163 | really cute? |
| 164 | You know who I'm talking about, bowl haircut, hairy fingers. |
| 165 | ( knocking ) |
| 166 | Hi, Rachel? |
| 167 | I'm Dr. Schiff. |
| 168 | Yes, you are. |
| 169 | So how's it going? |
| 170 | Oh, it's really, really good. |
| 171 | But enough about me, come on. |
| 172 | Where are you from? What do you do? |
| 173 | I'm a doctor. |
| 174 | Right... right. Actually, I meant |
| 175 | you know, in your spare time. |
| 176 | Do you cook? Do you ski? |
| 177 | Or just hang out with your wife or girlfriend? |
| 178 | Uh, I don't have a wife or a girlfriend |
| 179 | but I do like to ski. |
| 180 | Oh, I love to ski. |
| 181 | How amazing is this? |
| 182 | So, are you experiencing any discomfort? |
| 183 | No, I'm very comfortable. |
| 184 | Any painful gas? |
| 185 | No. |
| 186 | Ooh, Dr. Schiff, what kind of question is that? |
| 187 | Okay then. |
| 188 | Would you like to lie down on the table? |
| 189 | Well, would you like me to lie down on the table? |
| 190 | I'm sorry, is there something going on here? |
| 191 | Do you feel it, too? |
| 192 | Hi. |
| 193 | Oh, hey, so? |
| 194 | How did your doctor's appointment go? |
| 195 | Well, let's see |
| 196 | uh, they gave me cute boy doctor today. |
| 197 | And in the middle of the exam |
| 198 | I put my pinkie in his chin dimple. |
| 199 | Oh, my god. |
| 200 | Why did you do that? |
| 201 | Okay, remember that little problem I was having |
| 202 | during my fourth month of pregnancy? |
| 203 | Oh, yeah, the Evander Holyfield phase. |
| 204 | Oh, man, you were so hard up |
| 205 | you practically came on to me. |
| 206 | You wish. |
| 207 | Hey, I could've had you if I wanted you. |
| 208 | Oh, yeah? Come and get it. |
| 209 | Okay, even this is turning me on. |
| 210 | Hey. |
| 211 | Oh, hey. Hey, Ross. |
| 212 | Hey, how's it going with you and Mona? |
| 213 | Are you guys still together? |
| 214 | Oh, yeah, yeah, we're moving forward. |
| 215 | You'll be getting our card. |
| 216 | You and Mona are doing a holiday card together? |
| 217 | Yeah, we're not just doing a card. |
| 218 | She also wants to have the conversation |
| 219 | about where the relationship is going. |
| 220 | Ugh, women. |
| 221 | I know, I know. |
| 222 | Why do you guys need to have this conversation, huh? |
| 223 | I mean, no self-respecting man would ask a woman |
| 224 | "So where's this going?" |
| 225 | Uh, Ross, you asked me that. |
| 226 | Hey, you were a closed book, okay? |
| 227 | I'm not a mind reader. |
| 228 | Besides, I hate those conversations. |
| 229 | I'm horrible at them, really. |
| 230 | Maybe I need some kind of a gesture. |
| 231 | You know, something that says we're moving forward |
| 232 | without having to talk about it. |
| 233 | Like asking her to move in with you? |
| 234 | Wh-ha... |
| 235 | Smaller than that. |
| 236 | Making her a mix tape? |
| 237 | Uh, bigger than that. |
| 238 | Give her a key to your apartment. |
| 239 | Whoa, hello? |
| 240 | We were closer with the mix tape. |
| 241 | Have you said "I love you"? |
| 242 | You could say "I love you." |
| 243 | Yeah, I don't... I don't think I'm quite there yet. |
| 244 | But, oh! I could say "I love spending time with you." |
| 245 | No, we hate that. That is a slap in the face. |
| 246 | Oh, forget it. |
| 247 | You know what, I'll just... I'll have the conversation. |
| 248 | I'll just say "I like things the way they are" |
| 249 | and hope for the best. |
| 250 | What do you think, Rach? |
| 251 | I think if it was a little colder in here |
| 252 | I could see your nipples through that sweater. |
| 253 | Bing. We're all set for tonight. 8:00. |
| 254 | Oh, uh, as it turns out, we can't do it. |
| 255 | Monica has to work. |
| 256 | Oh. My ex-wife didn't work. |
| 257 | Unless you call turning into her mother work. |
| 258 | Yeah. Fine. Tomorrow night, then. |
| 259 | Oh, uh, well, tomorrow's no good for her, either. |
| 260 | Oh? Why not? |
| 261 | It's the semifinals... |
| 262 | of her... bocci ball tournament. |
| 263 | What's going on, Bing? |
| 264 | Does, uh, your wife have a... problem |
| 265 | with me or something? |
| 266 | Well, now you're... you're just talking crazy. |
| 267 | Then why can't the three of us go out together? |
| 268 | Because we-we-we split up. |
| 269 | Monica and I split up. |
| 270 | Hold me. |
| 271 | Good... good God, Bing, I... |
| 272 | Well, I can't say I'm altogether surprised. |
| 273 | I saw the way she looked at you, and... |
| 274 | there was no love there. |
| 275 | And the way she looked at me. Pure lust. |
| 276 | You know what would really help me |
| 277 | through this tough time is choking someone. |
| 278 | Can I choke ya? |
| 279 | Mmm. Bing, my boy |
| 280 | we're going to get you over this. |
| 281 | Now, here's the plan. |
| 282 | Grab your coat. |
| 283 | We're going to a strip club. |
| 284 | Oh, no, no, no. |
| 285 | Monica would freak. |
| 286 | But to hell with that bitch. |
| 287 | Here we go. |
| 288 | Mona, um |
| 289 | I think it's time we had a conversation |
| 290 | about where things are with us. |
| 291 | Yeah, I think I suggested that. |
| 292 | Oh, we-we are so... |
| 293 | So, um... |
| 294 | Well, I-I really like you |
| 295 | and I love, um, you know, hanging out with you |
| 296 | and, I mean, I'm having a lot of fun. |
| 297 | Okay... |
| 298 | I mean, there's no point in spending time with someone |
| 299 | if it's just fun. |
| 300 | I mean, it's got to be... |
| 301 | it's got to be going somewhere, right? |
| 302 | ( nervous chuckle ) |
| 303 | So, where is it going? |
| 304 | Ah! |
| 305 | That's... that's the real question. |
| 306 | And the answer is... |
| 307 | it's going somewhere... fun. |
| 308 | Now, I, I know |
| 309 | what you're thinking. |
| 310 | Fun was fine for you, like, ten years ago |
| 311 | you know, but you're not getting any younger. |
| 312 | No-- I mean |
| 313 | you know, not you, you are getting younger. |
| 314 | I mean, you, you look like you're getting younger |
| 315 | by the... by the second. |
| 316 | What's your secret? |
| 317 | I'm sorry. So, uh... |
| 318 | So where are we? |
| 319 | Well, well, to sum up... |
| 320 | We're having fun. |
| 321 | You look young. |
| 322 | Okay... |
| 323 | But that's not enough. |
| 324 | So... so... |
| 325 | Here's a key to my apartment. |
| 326 | Really? |
| 327 | Really. |
| 328 | You don't think this is too fast? |
| 329 | ( tortured, falsetto grunt): Mm-mm! |
| 330 | Not just a key. |
| 331 | I gave her the only key. |
| 332 | I am now a homeless person in a very serious relationship. |
| 333 | Hey... oh, Ross. How'd the conversation go? |
| 334 | Oh, great. I live on the street. |
| 335 | Where? |
| 336 | Hey. RACHEL: Hi. |
| 337 | Okay, Monica, Rachel. |
| 338 | This is my friend, Roger. |
| 339 | Hi, Roger. Hi, Roger. |
| 340 | So, um, I'm going to get us some drinks. |
| 341 | Could you help me out? |
| 342 | Yeah. Okay. |
| 343 | Um... he's here to have sex with you. |
| 344 | What? What? |
| 345 | You're welcome. |
| 346 | Phoebe, no! |
| 347 | It's okay. |
| 348 | He's a virgin. |
| 349 | Rachel, um, I was just talking to this guy |
| 350 | and I think he'll have sex with you. |
| 351 | Okay, um... |
| 352 | Yeah, okay, let's leave these two alone. |
| 353 | ( spluttering ) |
| 354 | No! You guys, I don't care what my hormones are doing. |
| 355 | I am not going to just do it with some random guy. |
| 356 | Fine. Then you tell Roger |
| 357 | because he was really looking forward to this. |
| 358 | Excuse me. |
| 359 | Oh, baby. |
| 360 | Look at those twin sisters dancing together. |
| 361 | Let me buy you a lap dance |
| 362 | with those girls, huh? |
| 363 | Oh, that's all right, sir. |
| 364 | And that's just one girl. |
| 365 | Bing... what's this? |
| 366 | It's a hand. |
| 367 | It's a thing you use as a Jack-and-coke holder. |
| 368 | No. It's a wedding ring. |
| 369 | You gotta get rid of it. |
| 370 | We're going to go to the East River right now and throw it in there! |
| 371 | Oh, no, no, no. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. |
| 372 | I did and then I felt a hell of a lot better |
| 373 | and if you whip it just right |
| 374 | you might hit a seagull in the head. |
| 375 | Okay. Oh, and I'm going to need a bunch of extra keys. |
| 376 | Uh, apparently, I give them away for no reason at all. |
| 377 | Hey, Ross. |
| 378 | What's going on? |
| 379 | You changing the lock? |
| 380 | No. That guy is. |
| 381 | I don't understand. |
| 382 | Y-you give me a key to your apartment |
| 383 | and then you change the lock. |
| 384 | Um... |
| 385 | Good luck, buddy. |
| 386 | Um, I... I thought we were moving forward |
| 387 | and now you're, you're sending me all these mixed signals. |
| 388 | What are you trying to tell me? |
| 389 | I'm trying to tell you |
| 390 | I made you a mix tape. |
| 391 | What? |
| 392 | I love you. |
| 393 | Oh... Oh! |
| 394 | And I love spending time with you. |
| 395 | ( door opens ) |
| 396 | Hi, honey, I'm home. |
| 397 | From the tequila factory? |
| 398 | It was awful. |
| 399 | To get out of going to dinner with Doug |
| 400 | I told him that you and I split up |
| 401 | so then he took me to all these strip clubs |
| 402 | and sleazy bars. |
| 403 | And then, when I wouldn't give him my wedding ring |
| 404 | he threw a soda can at a bird. |
| 405 | Come here. |
| 406 | I can breathe through my mouth. |
| 407 | Oh, sweetie. |
| 408 | You know what the worst part was? |
| 409 | I got to see what my life would be like without you. |
| 410 | You know, it was like |
| 411 | It's a Wonderful Life with lap dances. |
| 412 | Please promise me that you will never leave me |
| 413 | that we will grow old together |
| 414 | and be with each other for the rest of our lives. |
| 415 | I promise. |
| 416 | Hey, speaking of together |
| 417 | how about we send out a holiday card this year. |
| 418 | Ooh. I don't know if we're there yet. |
| 419 | Yes, hi. I'd like to order a pizza. |
| 420 | Oh, hey, can I ask you a question? |
| 421 | Is the cute blond guy delivering tonight? |
| 422 | Very Abercrombie & Fitch? |
| 423 | I'll call you back. |
| 424 | Who was that? |
| 425 | It's just the pizza place. |
| 426 | Y-you hung up on the pizza place? |
| 427 | I don't hang up on your friends. |
| 428 | Sorry, honey, I'm just having a... |
| 429 | having a rough day. |
| 430 | Oh. What's wrong? |
| 431 | Oh, you really... |
| 432 | you really just don't want to hear about it. |
| 433 | Then why did I ask? |
| 434 | Okay, it's just... and this is really embarrassing |
| 435 | but lately, with this whole pregnancy thing |
| 436 | I'm just finding myself... |
| 437 | how do I put this? |
| 438 | Um... |
| 439 | Erotically charged. |
| 440 | Is that college talk for "horny?" |
| 441 | Yeah. |
| 442 | So, you know, I have all of these feelings |
| 443 | and I don't know what to do about them |
| 444 | because I can't date like a normal person |
| 445 | which is fine, because I don't need a relationship. |
| 446 | I mean, all I really want is one great night. |
| 447 | Just sex, you know? |
| 448 | No strings attached, no relationship |
| 449 | just... with someone that I feel comfortable with |
| 450 | and who knows what he's doing. |
| 451 | For just one great night. |
| 452 | I mean, is that really so... hard... to find? |
| 453 | Well, so how was your day? |
| 454 | G-Good. I, uh, saw a pretty big pigeon. |
| 455 | Well, I got to get up early and it's almost 7:00, so... |
| 456 | Yeah, I got to go to my room, too. |
| 457 | Okay, good night. |
| 458 | Good night. |
| 459 | I can't do it! |
| 460 | I didn't ask you to do it! |
| 461 | You're Rachel! |
| 462 | You're Joey! |
| 463 | You're my friend! |
| 464 | Right back at ya! |
| 465 | Yeah... plus, it would be wrong |
| 466 | and weird and bad. |
| 467 | And so bad. But I don't even know what you're talking about |
| 468 | because I didn't ask you to do anything! |
| 469 | I know! |
| 470 | You want to do it? |
| 471 | No! |
| 472 | Me, neither! |
| 473 | I'm just testing you! |
| 474 | Hey, well, that's the end of this conversation. |
| 475 | This conversation never happened. |
| 476 | Never happened. |
| 477 | Good night. |
| 478 | Good night. |
| 479 | Get back in there! |
| 480 | Hi. |
| 481 | Listen, I'm sorry about that whole thing with Roger. |
| 482 | It really wasn't right |
| 483 | and I want to make it up to you |
| 484 | so, um, I brought you something that I think |
| 485 | you'll really enjoy. Okay. |
| 486 | Now, this is just a loan, okay? |
| 487 | I'm going to want him back, so. |
| 488 | I'm going to go now. |
| 489 | I'm sorry. I thought I could do it, and I can't. |
| 490 | Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org |
| 491 | |
| 1 | Hey! I got you a present! |
| 2 | Oh, my goodness, where did you hide it? |
| 3 | I got it for your wedding and I ordered it weeks ago |
| 4 | and it finally got here. |
| 5 | You didn't have to get us anything. |
| 6 | You already did so... |
| 7 | I love it! It's huge! Let's open it! |
| 8 | Open it! |
| 9 | It's a Ms. Pac-Man machine! |
| 10 | Oh, my God! |
| 11 | I didn't know where to put it |
| 12 | so I left it here for now. |
| 13 | Maybe we can put it in the guest bedroom. |
| 14 | Yeah, okay. |
| 15 | I kind of like it here. |
| 16 | So do you really like it? |
| 17 | Are you kidding? I practically spent |
| 18 | my entire childhood at the arcade. |
| 19 | This is like... oh, my God. |
| 20 | This is like my second-favorite game. |
| 21 | Oh, really, what was your first? |
| 22 | Well, I don't really remember the name of it. |
| 23 | Well, what'd it do? |
| 24 | Well, just... you put a quarter in and, you know |
| 25 | pull some handles and you win like, a candy bar or something. |
| 26 | A vending machine? |
| 27 | Hey, don't feel bad for me. |
| 28 | I won every time. |
| 29 | ♪ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ♪ |
| 30 | ♪ Your job's a joke, you're broke ♪ |
| 31 | ♪ Your love life's D.O.A. ♪ |
| 32 | ♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪ |
| 33 | ♪ When it hasn't been your day, your week ♪ |
| 34 | ♪ Your month, or even your year ♪ |
| 35 | ♪ But I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 36 | ♪ 'Cause you're there for me, too. ♪ |
| 37 | Hey. |
| 38 | I'm so glad you guys are here. |
| 39 | I've been dying to tell someone what happened |
| 40 | in the Paleontology department today. |
| 41 | You think he saw us or can we still slip out? |
| 42 | Professor Newman, the head of the department is retiring so... |
| 43 | They made you head of the department. |
| 44 | No, I get to teach one of his advanced classes. |
| 45 | Why didn't I get head of the department? |
| 46 | Oh, hey, Rach, listen, I got a big date coming up. |
| 47 | Do you know of a good restaurant? |
| 48 | Uh, Paul's Cafe. |
| 49 | It's got great food and it's really romantic. |
| 50 | Ooh, great, thanks. |
| 51 | Ooh, and then afterwards you could take her |
| 52 | to the Four Seasons for drinks. |
| 53 | Or go downtown and listen to some jazz. |
| 54 | Or dancing. Oh, take her dancing. |
| 55 | You sure are naming a lot of ways |
| 56 | to postpone sex, I'll tell you. |
| 57 | Oh, I miss dating. |
| 58 | Getting all dressed up, going to a fancy restaurant. |
| 59 | I'm not going to be able to do that for so long. |
| 60 | And it's so much fun. |
| 61 | I mean, not that sitting at home |
| 62 | worrying about giving birth |
| 63 | to a 16-pound baby is not fun. |
| 64 | Hey, you know what? |
| 65 | Why don't I take you out. |
| 66 | Joey, you don't want to go on a date with a pregnant lady. |
| 67 | Yes, I do. |
| 68 | And we're going to go out |
| 69 | we're going to have a good time. |
| 70 | I'm going to take your mind off of childbirth |
| 71 | and C-sections and... |
| 72 | and giant baby heads stretching out... |
| 73 | Okay, okay, I'll go with you, I'll go. I'll go with you. |
| 74 | It'd be fun. All right? |
| 75 | No, no. Yes! |
| 76 | Ah. |
| 77 | Oh, would you look at that, Monica. |
| 78 | I just knocked off all your top scores. How sad. |
| 79 | Okay, I'm next. |
| 80 | Don't start another game. |
| 81 | I said I was next. Phoebe. |
| 82 | Oh, I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you over all the winning. |
| 83 | Chandler, Phoebe's hogging the game. |
| 84 | Who cares? It's a stupid game. |
| 85 | You only think it's stupid because you suck at it. |
| 86 | I don't suck. It sucks. |
| 87 | You suck. |
| 88 | Wait, okay, if this game |
| 89 | is going to cause problems between the two of you |
| 90 | then maybe I should just keep it. |
| 91 | No, no, no. No, I love it. |
| 92 | It is a great present. |
| 93 | In fact, why don't you go home |
| 94 | and wait for the thank-you card. |
| 95 | Why do you want to play so badly? |
| 96 | Yeah, it's not like it spits out a Clark bar after every game. |
| 97 | Okay, Phoebe, that's it, get out of the chair. |
| 98 | Come on, out of the chair. |
| 99 | Oh! Phoebe... |
| 100 | ( knocking on door ) |
| 101 | Joey, could you get that? |
| 102 | ( knocking on door ) |
| 103 | What are you doing here? |
| 104 | I thought you were in your room. |
| 105 | No, I'm picking you up for our date. |
| 106 | These are for you. |
| 107 | Oh... Lilies. |
| 108 | Joey, they're my favorite. Thank you. |
| 109 | And... |
| 110 | a brownie. |
| 111 | ( gasps ) |
| 112 | Well, half a brownie. |
| 113 | Actually, it's just the bag. |
| 114 | It was a long walk from the flower shop |
| 115 | and I was starting to feel faint, so... |
| 116 | Oh, man. This is so great. |
| 117 | I actually feel like I'm going on a real date. |
| 118 | Although I have a hint of morning sickness |
| 119 | and I'm wearing |
| 120 | underwear that goes up to about... ( snaps ) there. |
| 121 | Hey, come on now, this is a real date. |
| 122 | So, nice place you got here. |
| 123 | Foosball, huh. |
| 124 | Pizza box. |
| 125 | Oh, a subscription to Playboy. |
| 126 | My kind of woman. |
| 127 | Yeah, actually, that's my roommate's. |
| 128 | I would like to meet him. |
| 129 | He sounds like a standup guy. |
| 130 | Ah, yes, but he's very protective of me |
| 131 | so you better watch yourself. |
| 132 | Hey, so this roommate of yours, is he good-looking? |
| 133 | Mm-hmm. |
| 134 | It must be tough to keep your hands off him, huh? |
| 135 | ( chuckles ) |
| 136 | Yeah, but I'm pretty sure he's gay. |
| 137 | No, no, no, he's not. |
| 138 | No, why are you trying to ruin the game? |
| 139 | Come on. ( chuckling ) |
| 140 | ...which brings us back, of course |
| 141 | to Greeley's theory of dominance. |
| 142 | Okay, that's it for today. |
| 143 | Oh, uh, does anyone know where the Freeman Building is? |
| 144 | Yeah, it's the new building on Avenue "A." What? |
| 145 | That's all the way across town. |
| 146 | I'm supposed to teach a graduate seminar there in ten minutes. |
| 147 | Ooh, dude, that's not going to happen. |
| 148 | Move it, move it! |
| 149 | Move it! |
| 150 | Hey! I'm the teacher! |
| 151 | ( panting ) |
| 152 | ( wheezing ) |
| 153 | Hello. |
| 154 | ( wheezing ) |
| 155 | ( panting ) |
| 156 | I'm sorry I'm a little late. |
| 157 | Uh, whoa, a lot late. |
| 158 | Well, let me start by, uh... by introducing myself. |
| 159 | I'm Professor Geller. |
| 160 | ( bell rings ) |
| 161 | So, to sum up... |
| 162 | I'm Professor Geller. |
| 163 | Good job today. |
| 164 | Now the filet mignon, what comes with that? |
| 165 | There's a side of steamed vegetables. |
| 166 | Mm... |
| 167 | Now instead of the vegetables |
| 168 | is there any way that I could substitute |
| 169 | the, um... three-pound lobster? |
| 170 | You know what, bring her both. |
| 171 | And I'll have the same. |
| 172 | Wow, this is shaping up to be a pretty good date. |
| 173 | Oh, I almost forgot, I didn't pay you the rent check. |
| 174 | Whoa, whoa, whoa, no roommate stuff, okay? |
| 175 | We're on a date. |
| 176 | Okay. |
| 177 | Wow, so I get to see what Joey Tribbiani |
| 178 | is like on a date. |
| 179 | So do you have any moves? |
| 180 | No... no, I'm just myself. |
| 181 | And if they don't like me for... |
| 182 | ( laughs ) |
| 183 | I'm sorry, I couldn't even get through that. |
| 184 | ( laughing ) |
| 185 | I knew it, I knew it. |
| 186 | Come on, tell me your moves. |
| 187 | All right, um... |
| 188 | well, okay, I usually start by having a bottle of wine |
| 189 | sent to my table from a fan. |
| 190 | Oh, my God. |
| 191 | And that works? |
| 192 | Well, it does when you combine it with |
| 193 | "This is so embarrassing. |
| 194 | I just want to have a normal life." |
| 195 | Oh, you poor little famous man. |
| 196 | Oh, okay, how about this one: |
| 197 | I was going to wait until the end of the night to kiss you |
| 198 | but you're just so beautiful... |
| 199 | I don't think I can. |
| 200 | Oh, my God. |
| 201 | That was fantastic. I almost leaned in. |
| 202 | I really almost did. |
| 203 | All right, so tell me one of your moves. |
| 204 | All right... ( clears throat ) |
| 205 | So where'd you grow up? |
| 206 | That's your move? |
| 207 | Boy, Rach, you're lucky you're hot. |
| 208 | Come on, just answer the question. |
| 209 | Queens. |
| 210 | And so were you close to your parents? |
| 211 | Yeah, with my mom, yeah. Not so much with my dad. |
| 212 | Why not? I don't know. |
| 213 | I guess there's just always been this distance, you know. |
| 214 | I mean, we both try to pretend it's not there |
| 215 | but... but it is. |
| 216 | ( sighs ) |
| 217 | That's got to be rough. |
| 218 | It is, yeah, it's really tough. |
| 219 | You know sometimes I think... |
| 220 | Wow. |
| 221 | Nice move. |
| 222 | Uh-huh. |
| 223 | "Where'd you grow up?" So simple. |
| 224 | Thank you. |
| 225 | Now if you'll excuse me |
| 226 | I'm going to go to the restroom. |
| 227 | And now you're watching me walk away. |
| 228 | Yes, I am. Again, so simple. |
| 229 | Hey. |
| 230 | You are not going to believe what I did today. |
| 231 | Well, it clearly wasn't showering or shaving. |
| 232 | I got good. |
| 233 | I played this game all day and now I rule at it. |
| 234 | They should change the name of it to Ms. Chandler. |
| 235 | Although I hope they don't. |
| 236 | Wait a minute. |
| 237 | You stayed home all day and played Ms. Pac-Man |
| 238 | while I went off to work like some kind of chump? |
| 239 | Uh-huh, and I got all the top ten scores. |
| 240 | I erased Phoebe off the board. High five. |
| 241 | What is the matter with your hand? |
| 242 | Well, I've been playing it for like, eight hours. |
| 243 | It'll loosen up. |
| 244 | Come on, check out the scores. |
| 245 | And also look at the initials. |
| 246 | They're dirty words. |
| 247 | Chandler, why would you do that? |
| 248 | Because it's awesome. |
| 249 | You think this is clever? |
| 250 | Well, they only give you three letters |
| 251 | so after A-S-S, it is a bit of a challenge. |
| 252 | Wait a minute, this one's not dirty. |
| 253 | Well, it is when you put it together with that one. |
| 254 | Oh. |
| 255 | Well, if you don't clear this off |
| 256 | you won't be getting one of those from me. |
| 257 | Ben's coming over tomorrow to play this game. |
| 258 | This can't be there. |
| 259 | Come on, he won't even know what they mean. |
| 260 | Chandler, he's seven, he's not stupid. |
| 261 | Have you talked to him lately? |
| 262 | All right, look, I'm just going to unplug it... No, no, no |
| 263 | if you unplug it I'll have nothing to show for my day. |
| 264 | It'll be like I was at work. |
| 265 | No. |
| 266 | Hey, look at that. |
| 267 | Look at that, it's still there. |
| 268 | This thing must have some kind of primitive |
| 269 | wrong chip in it or something. |
| 270 | Honey, you got to beat your scores. |
| 271 | With the claw? |
| 272 | All right, fine. Fine, I'll do it. |
| 273 | Just got to get this off the screen. |
| 274 | Carol and Susan are still upset |
| 275 | that you taught him "Pull My Finger." |
| 276 | Pull my finger. |
| 277 | My hand is messed up. |
| 278 | I am not going to answer that. |
| 279 | Oh, come on, just pick one. |
| 280 | Between Monica, Phoebe, Chandler and Ross |
| 281 | if you had to-- if you had to-- |
| 282 | who would you punch? |
| 283 | No one. They are my friends. |
| 284 | I wouldn't punch any of them. |
| 285 | Chandler? |
| 286 | Yeah, but I don't know why. |
| 287 | We're having such a wonderful time. |
| 288 | Me, too. |
| 289 | Hey, Rach, can I just say |
| 290 | I think this is the best date I ever had. |
| 291 | I know. |
| 292 | I've never laughed so hard that... |
| 293 | Did you see the wine come out of my nose? |
| 294 | Yes. Joey, I think everybody |
| 295 | saw the wine come out of your nose. |
| 296 | Yeah. I got to say |
| 297 | I never knew I could enjoy |
| 298 | the non-sex part of a date so much. |
| 299 | Well, that is because you have never been |
| 300 | on a date with me before. |
| 301 | Oh. |
| 302 | Huh. |
| 303 | All right, now don't judge me. |
| 304 | I normally wait till my date leaves, but you live here. |
| 305 | I'm ripping into this one. |
| 306 | Okay, well, then, you don't judge me. |
| 307 | I'm going to suck on the cellophane |
| 308 | from the brownie I had before. |
| 309 | Mm. Mmm. |
| 310 | So tell me-- |
| 311 | What are Joey Tribbiani's end-of-the-night moves? |
| 312 | Uh... |
| 313 | Well. |
| 314 | If I want the girl to kiss me |
| 315 | the first thing I do |
| 316 | is make my lips look irresistible. |
| 317 | How do you do that? |
| 318 | You can't tell anyone, but, uh... |
| 319 | I put on a shiny lip balm. |
| 320 | Oh, my God. |
| 321 | Yeah. Like a moth to a flame, I'm telling you. |
| 322 | Okay, all right, so... now you go. |
| 323 | No, I don't want to tell you. |
| 324 | Why not? |
| 325 | 'Cause it's embarrassing. |
| 326 | More embarrassing than shiny raspberry lip balm? |
| 327 | I didn't say "raspberry" before, did I? |
| 328 | Just tell me, Rach-- just tell me. |
| 329 | Okay. |
| 330 | All right. Stand up. |
| 331 | Well, when we're at the door... |
| 332 | I lightly press my lips against his |
| 333 | and then move into his body, just for a second |
| 334 | and then I make this sound... |
| 335 | ( low moan ) |
| 336 | Okay, I know |
| 337 | it doesn't sound like anything |
| 338 | but I swear-- it works. |
| 339 | Yo, ah, well, that would work, yeah. |
| 340 | All right, I got to go to bed. |
| 341 | I had such a wonderful time. |
| 342 | Yeah. |
| 343 | Me, too. |
| 344 | You were 50 minutes late to the class? |
| 345 | What, did you crawl there? |
| 346 | No, I ran, okay? |
| 347 | It's really far |
| 348 | and when did people stop understanding the phrase |
| 349 | "Get the hell out of my way"? |
| 350 | Well, why didn't you just take a cab? |
| 351 | Between the traffic that time of day |
| 352 | and all the one-way streets, it would take me twice as long. |
| 353 | Besides, I teach the class three times a week. |
| 354 | Who am I, Rockefeller? |
| 355 | Well, you're not going to be able to keep doing this. |
| 356 | Well, I have to, okay? |
| 357 | If I don't, they'll take the class away from me |
| 358 | and I already put it in my family newsletter. |
| 359 | Your what? |
| 360 | You've seen it-- the Geller Yeller. |
| 361 | Right. |
| 362 | Wow. |
| 363 | Besides, I think I figured out a much faster route. |
| 364 | I'm sure I can make it this time. |
| 365 | I just, just can't be afraid |
| 366 | to get a little bit... hit by cars. |
| 367 | Hey. |
| 368 | Hi. Hey. |
| 369 | Remember last night how we were talking |
| 370 | about that movie Cujo? |
| 371 | Oh, yeah. I still can't believe |
| 372 | you haven't seen Cujo. |
| 373 | What is wrong with you? |
| 374 | Relax. It's not like it's Citizen Kane. |
| 375 | Have you ever tried to sit through Citizen Kane? |
| 376 | Yeah, I know, it's really boring |
| 377 | but it's like a big deal. |
| 378 | Yeah. |
| 379 | Anyway... |
| 380 | I was thinking about renting Cujo sometime. |
| 381 | Oh, yeah. All right. |
| 382 | Well, let's do it tonight. |
| 383 | Well, don't you have that big date tonight? |
| 384 | Oh, right. |
| 385 | Hey, Joey, can I ask you something? |
| 386 | Yeah. |
| 387 | After our date last night |
| 388 | did you feel a little weird? |
| 389 | Oh, my God, you did, too? |
| 390 | It totally freaked me out. |
| 391 | What was that? |
| 392 | I don't know. |
| 393 | I'm-I'm kind of thinking it was the lobster. |
| 394 | Oh, yeah, yeah. |
| 395 | The lobster. |
| 396 | Yeah, I was up sick all night. |
| 397 | Yeah, me, too. All night. |
| 398 | Really? |
| 399 | How come we didn't cross paths? |
| 400 | Yeah, well, that's because, uh... |
| 401 | I stayed in my room. |
| 402 | Yeah, you don't want to look in my hamper. |
| 403 | Okay, I got that. |
| 404 | I'll escape over there |
| 405 | and back over here... |
| 406 | All right, come on, Ms. Pac-Man. |
| 407 | It's got right... |
| 408 | ( "game over" tones ) |
| 409 | Well, you're just a little bitch, aren't you? |
| 410 | Hey, you guys? |
| 411 | Listen, I'm sorry |
| 412 | that I was hogging the game before. |
| 413 | Oh, my God. |
| 414 | Your friends have some unfortunate initials. |
| 415 | They're all Chandler. |
| 416 | Chandler sucks. |
| 417 | He couldn't have gotten this good. |
| 418 | I did, but it came at a price. |
| 419 | Well, Ben's coming over tonight and he can't see this. |
| 420 | Come on, by age seven |
| 421 | kids have already seen orgies. |
| 422 | Was it just me? |
| 423 | ( gasping for air ) |
| 424 | ( growling ) |
| 425 | Ah, yes, I made it. |
| 426 | I'm on time. |
| 427 | Okay. |
| 428 | Why don't we all, uh... |
| 429 | ( gasps ) |
| 430 | ...open our books to page 23, where... |
| 431 | ( gasps ) |
| 432 | where you will see a, uh... |
| 433 | ...a bunch of red spots. |
| 434 | Okay, why don't you all start to read while I...? |
| 435 | Hey. |
| 436 | Are you all right? |
| 437 | You seem a little distracted. |
| 438 | No, no. I'm fine. |
| 439 | It's just... Hey. |
| 440 | Can I ask you something? |
| 441 | Have you ever looked at someone that you've known for a while... |
| 442 | and, and suddenly... suddenly seen them in a different way? |
| 443 | You mean, like from behind? |
| 444 | Yeah. Yeah, that's exactly it. Yeah. |
| 445 | You know what? One time I saw this guy from behind |
| 446 | and he seemed like a totally normal guy |
| 447 | and then you turned around and it was Stephen Baldwin. |
| 448 | Whoo. Yeah. |
| 449 | So, yeah. So you know exactly what I'm talking about. |
| 450 | Totally. |
| 451 | Wow. |
| 452 | Would you excuse me for a sec? |
| 453 | Sure. |
| 454 | Eh. |
| 455 | Oh, my God, Phoebe, you're on fire. I know. |
| 456 | One more score to go. You can do it. |
| 457 | Don't touch me! |
| 458 | Don't touch her! |
| 459 | All right, go left. Go left. |
| 460 | Go right! Go right! |
| 461 | I can't! I can't! |
| 462 | ( "game over" tones ) |
| 463 | No! You son of a b...! |
| 464 | ( opera music playing ) |
| 465 | Phoebe! |
| 466 | Oh. Hi, Ben. |
| 467 | No, don't look at the machine. |
| 468 | ( door opens ) |
| 469 | ( shrieks ) |
| 470 | God! Thank God you're home. |
| 471 | I'm watching Cujo. |
| 472 | Alone? |
| 473 | Yes. |
| 474 | Well, what is wrong with this dog? |
| 475 | Hey, did you get to the part |
| 476 | where they're trapped in the car and Cujo's |
| 477 | throwing himself at the windshield? |
| 478 | No. No, seriously, what's wrong with the dog? |
| 479 | Wait a minute-- what are you doing home so early? |
| 480 | What happened to your date? |
| 481 | Oh, uh... didn't work out. |
| 482 | Well, you want to watch |
| 483 | the rest of the movie with me? |
| 484 | Oh, uh... okay. Yeah. |
| 485 | You know, I never thought I would ever |
| 486 | say this about a movie but I really hope this dog dies. |
| 487 | What are you doing over there? |
| 488 | Come sit here. You protect me. |
| 489 | Oh, sure. Yeah. Why not? |
| 490 | Okay. |
| 491 | Okay, that's him, that's him. |
| 492 | That's Cujo, that's Cujo. |
| 493 | All right, all right, I know, I know. |
| 494 | It's going to be okay. |
| 495 | Oh, my God... |
| 496 | What's he going to do now? |
| 497 | I can't watch! |
| 498 | ( whimpering ) |
| 499 | Oh... seriously, how can you watch this? |
| 500 | Aren't you scared? |
| 501 | Terrified. |
| 502 | So, is everybody here? |
| 503 | I got here a little early, myself. |
| 504 | Let us begin. |
| 505 | Now, the hadrosaurids have been unearthed |
| 506 | in two main locations... |
| 507 | Here. |
| 508 | And... |
| 509 | here. |
| 510 | Now, as for the hydrosaurs... |
| 511 | ( wood cracking ) |
| 512 | Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org |
| 513 | |
| 1 | All right. It's a new day. |
| 2 | All that stuff about Rachel, you don't feel that now. |
| 3 | It was crazy. You're fine. |
| 4 | You're better than fine. |
| 5 | You are, as your friend Tony would say |
| 6 | Grrreat! |
| 7 | Everything's normal. |
| 8 | She's just your friend Rachel. |
| 9 | Your friend Rachel. |
| 10 | Your friend Rachel. |
| 11 | Hi, sweetie. |
| 12 | Hey, it's your girlfriend Rachel! |
| 13 | ♪ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ♪ |
| 14 | ♪ Your job's a joke, you're broke ♪ |
| 15 | ♪ Your love life's D.O.A. ♪ |
| 16 | ♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪ |
| 17 | ♪ When it hasn't been your day, your week ♪ |
| 18 | ♪ Your month, or even your year ♪ |
| 19 | ♪ But I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 20 | ♪ 'Cause you're there for me, too. ♪ |
| 21 | Hi. |
| 22 | Are you... are you high? |
| 23 | I just had the most amazing bath. |
| 24 | Really? I don't like baths. |
| 25 | Wait, you like them with me. |
| 26 | Honey, it's not the bath I enjoy. |
| 27 | It's the wet, naked lady. |
| 28 | ( sighs ) |
| 29 | Baths are so relaxing. |
| 30 | Really? What do you do? |
| 31 | You just sit in there stewing in your own filth. |
| 32 | How dirty do you think I am? |
| 33 | I'm telling you |
| 34 | if you had some candles and some bubbles and some music |
| 35 | you would love it. |
| 36 | It would take all of your stress away. |
| 37 | Honey, it's 2:00 on a Wednesday, and I'm watching Road Rules. |
| 38 | How stressed do you think I am? |
| 39 | Hey, Chandler. |
| 40 | Hey. |
| 41 | You got a minute? I really need to talk to you. |
| 42 | Oh, uh, yeah. |
| 43 | Is this a cold pizza talk or a leftover meat loaf talk? |
| 44 | Well, neither. |
| 45 | Oh, my God, what's up? |
| 46 | I don't know. It's just... |
| 47 | Lately, I've been feeling... |
| 48 | Okay, here's what it is. |
| 49 | You know what? I feel a lot better, thanks. |
| 50 | No, no, no. |
| 51 | Just come back. |
| 52 | All right. |
| 53 | Um... |
| 54 | You and Monica, friends for a long time |
| 55 | and sure, there are rules. |
| 56 | But then you went to London. |
| 57 | No, but that's different. |
| 58 | I mean, there are rules there, too. |
| 59 | You know what I mean? |
| 60 | Do you? |
| 61 | It was different for you guys. |
| 62 | I mean, you were both in the same place, right? |
| 63 | In London? Yeah. |
| 64 | Yes, when Monica and I were in London |
| 65 | we were both in London. |
| 66 | You know what, this is a bad idea. |
| 67 | Forget it. Forget all about it. |
| 68 | And listen, do me a favor, this conversation-- |
| 69 | between you and me. |
| 70 | If that. |
| 71 | Hi. Oh, Ross, don't forget |
| 72 | we have that doctor's appointment tomorrow. |
| 73 | Right. |
| 74 | Hey, you going to find out the sex of the baby? |
| 75 | No, no. We talked about it, and we don't want to know. |
| 76 | All we care about is that it's happy and healthy. |
| 77 | Yup, happy and healthy |
| 78 | and cute. And smart. |
| 79 | And popular. With an aptitude for science. |
| 80 | Are you two talking about the same baby? |
| 81 | Hey, have you started thinking of names yet? |
| 82 | Oh, yeah. |
| 83 | I've come up with a bunch of ideas. |
| 84 | Really? Me, too. |
| 85 | Me, too! |
| 86 | Really? Uh-huh. |
| 87 | If it's a girl, Phoebe, and if it's a boy, Phoebo. |
| 88 | Maybe. But it wouldn't hurt to have a backup, you know? |
| 89 | Uh, Rach, Rach, what were you thinking? |
| 90 | Okay. Um, I was thinking, if it's a girl, how about... |
| 91 | Sandrine? It's French. |
| 92 | Huh. |
| 93 | That's a really pretty name for an industrial solvent. |
| 94 | ( clears throat ) |
| 95 | Okay, fine. What do you have? |
| 96 | All right, it's for a boy. |
| 97 | I know it's a little out there, but... |
| 98 | Darwin. |
| 99 | Wow. |
| 100 | My God, our child will be beaten to death |
| 101 | in the schoolyard. |
| 102 | Yeah, by Sandrine. |
| 103 | You're just saying that 'cause I said no to your name. |
| 104 | I'm really, really not. |
| 105 | How about you each get five vetoes? |
| 106 | All right. That sounds fair. All right. Yeah. |
| 107 | I don't think you're going to need it, though. |
| 108 | Okay, check this out. |
| 109 | If it's a girl, Rain. |
| 110 | Veto. |
| 111 | Why? |
| 112 | Rain? "Hi, hi, my name is Rain. |
| 113 | "I have my own kiln |
| 114 | and my dress is made out of wheat." |
| 115 | I know her! |
| 116 | I bought homemade soap from her at a Dead show. |
| 117 | Okay, how about for a guy, Thatcher? |
| 118 | Ross, why do you hate our child? |
| 119 | Fine, you go. |
| 120 | Okay. James. |
| 121 | Huh. |
| 122 | But only if it's a girl. |
| 123 | Oh, veto. |
| 124 | Uh, how about... |
| 125 | Ooh, I like Ruth. What about Ruth? |
| 126 | Oh, I'm sorry. |
| 127 | Are we having an 89-year-old? |
| 128 | How about Dayton? |
| 129 | Veto. Stewart? |
| 130 | Veto. Sawyer? |
| 131 | Veto. Helen? |
| 132 | Veto. |
| 133 | Is it me |
| 134 | or is "veto" starting to sound really good? |
| 135 | Hey. |
| 136 | Boy, do I have a surprise for you. |
| 137 | Sex on the balcony? |
| 138 | No, but someone's really not going |
| 139 | to get over that idea, are they? |
| 140 | What is it? |
| 141 | I drew you a bath. |
| 142 | Honey, I don't like baths. |
| 143 | Could you draw me a picture of us having sex on the balcony? |
| 144 | Please, will you just try it for me? |
| 145 | Come on, I used all my best stuff. |
| 146 | I lit some candles, I put on some music. |
| 147 | I used bath salts plus bubble bath. |
| 148 | And got you this little plastic navy ship. |
| 149 | So it's a boy bath. |
| 150 | Well, this does butch it up a bit. |
| 151 | I swear, if you try it, you will love it. |
| 152 | All right, if I do this |
| 153 | can we at least discuss sex on the balcony? |
| 154 | Absolutely. |
| 155 | Bet I know how |
| 156 | that discussion's going to go. |
| 157 | ( soft music playing ) |
| 158 | Oh, this isn't so bad. |
| 159 | I like the flower smell. |
| 160 | Which is okay, because I've got my boat. |
| 161 | ( knocking ) |
| 162 | So? |
| 163 | Oh, my God. |
| 164 | I told you you were a bath person. |
| 165 | Hey, when you get out, maybe I can give you a facial. |
| 166 | I'm going to need a bigger boat. |
| 167 | I don't think you had an open mind |
| 168 | about the name Ruth. |
| 169 | I mean, come on. |
| 170 | Little Ruthie Gellar? How cute is that? |
| 171 | Oh, oh, my God. |
| 172 | I can practically hear the mahjong tiles. |
| 173 | DOCTOR: Okay. |
| 174 | All your tests look fine. |
| 175 | Now, are you two interested in knowing |
| 176 | the sex of the baby? |
| 177 | Uh, no. No, we're not. |
| 178 | But you have it right there in that file? |
| 179 | You could tell us whether it's a boy or a girl? |
| 180 | Dayton or Sandrine? Phoebe or Phoebo? |
| 181 | That's right. But if you don't want to know... |
| 182 | No, no, we want to wait, right? |
| 183 | Right. Right. |
| 184 | ( beeping ) |
| 185 | Oh, I'll be right back. |
| 186 | And, uh, I know |
| 187 | it's really not my place |
| 188 | but please don't name your child Phoebo. |
| 189 | So, which of these babies |
| 190 | do you think is the ugliest? What? |
| 191 | Rach, come on. That's terrible. |
| 192 | They're, uh, they're babies. They're all beautiful. |
| 193 | Third one from the left? |
| 194 | Yeah, why is it staring at me? |
| 195 | I think it knows I'm talking about it. |
| 196 | Don't-don't you... Wha... wha?! |
| 197 | What?! You're looking! |
| 198 | I didn't. |
| 199 | I saw you! |
| 200 | Okay, fine, I did. |
| 201 | But I didn't see anything, I swear. |
| 202 | Shame on you! Ugly baby judges you! |
| 203 | Okay, but, Ross, just listen to me... |
| 204 | No, no, no, no! Don't tell me! |
| 205 | I don't want to know! |
| 206 | But I couldn't even if I wanted to |
| 207 | because I don't know. |
| 208 | I swear, I didn't see anything, and I don't want to know. |
| 209 | It was just a momentary lapse. |
| 210 | Momentary lapse. |
| 211 | Don't you have any self-control? |
| 212 | Okay, a couple months late on the lecture, Ross. |
| 213 | Hello? |
| 214 | CHANDLER: I'm in the bathroom. Can you come in here? |
| 215 | I think there's something wrong. |
| 216 | You know what? I think I'll wait out here. |
| 217 | I'm in the bathtub. |
| 218 | Oh. |
| 219 | Hey, what's wrong? |
| 220 | I drew my own bath, but I did it wrong. |
| 221 | The water's tepid, the salt didn't dissolve |
| 222 | and is now... lodged places. |
| 223 | And the scents I used don't complement each other. |
| 224 | Eucalyptus and chamomile? |
| 225 | Oh! |
| 226 | What? |
| 227 | The bath salts... they're starting to effervesce. |
| 228 | It's different. |
| 229 | It's interesting. |
| 230 | Okay, let's talk about something else. |
| 231 | Yeah, sure, sure. |
| 232 | So, what was going on with you today? |
| 233 | Oh-oh-oh! |
| 234 | Well, I actually had the weirdest conversation with Joey. |
| 235 | He was talking about rules and right and wrong and... |
| 236 | I had the exact same conversation. |
| 237 | You did? What was he talking about? |
| 238 | I don't know, Joey hasn't had this much trouble |
| 239 | getting out words since we saw him in Macbeth. |
| 240 | Uh. That was a long night. |
| 241 | All right, let's break this down. |
| 242 | What exactly did he say to you? |
| 243 | Okay. He was talking about rules |
| 244 | and looking at people differently. |
| 245 | He didn't say anything about that to me. |
| 246 | What'd he tell you? |
| 247 | He was asking all these questions |
| 248 | about you, me and London, and, of course |
| 249 | the glue that holds this all together, the rules. |
| 250 | Okay, so you, me and London, looking at people differently. |
| 251 | Maybe he wants to do |
| 252 | what you and I did in London with someone. |
| 253 | But what did he mean by "rules"? |
| 254 | Wait a minute. |
| 255 | He stopped talking the minute Phoebe came in. |
| 256 | Because he was looking at her differently. |
| 257 | And Phoebe is his friend |
| 258 | so he thinks that would be breaking the rules. |
| 259 | My God! He wants to do it with Phoebe in London! |
| 260 | PHOEBE: You guys? |
| 261 | Just a minute. |
| 262 | That's Mrs. Tribbiani. |
| 263 | You don't say anything. |
| 264 | Why would I say anything? |
| 265 | That two of our best friends could start |
| 266 | the greatest love affair of their lives |
| 267 | and they would have me to thank |
| 268 | and then we could all start having babies? |
| 269 | I'm not going to let you say anything. |
| 270 | You just stay here. |
| 271 | Oh, God! |
| 272 | Oh, hey, Monica, I brought back your iron. |
| 273 | Oh, you had that? I thought I lost it. |
| 274 | I got a new one, like, a month ago. |
| 275 | Oh, just as well. I broke this one. |
| 276 | What? |
| 277 | Nothing. |
| 278 | Okay. |
| 279 | I mean, I really shouldn't say. |
| 280 | I mean, I'm really not supposed to. |
| 281 | Fine. |
| 282 | It's a humdinger. |
| 283 | Well, then it's really too bad that you can't tell me. |
| 284 | Somebody likes you. |
| 285 | ( groans ) |
| 286 | Is it Chandler? |
| 287 | No. |
| 288 | Well, then tell him to stop staring. |
| 289 | It's Joey. |
| 290 | Really? Joey? |
| 291 | You don't say. |
| 292 | Is it something you'd be interested in? |
| 293 | I don't know, I don't know, I don't know. |
| 294 | You know, I mean, on the one hand |
| 295 | Mother, may I? |
| 296 | But on the other hand... |
| 297 | No. No, I can't. |
| 298 | We're friends. No. Oh, no. |
| 299 | I don't want to risk what we have. |
| 300 | I guess that makes sense. |
| 301 | So, you think you're going to talk to him? |
| 302 | Sure, yeah. I mean, it's Joey. |
| 303 | I don't want him to get hurt. |
| 304 | Well, I must say I am on fire. |
| 305 | First Chandler, now Joey. |
| 306 | No, no. Not Chandler, just Joey. |
| 307 | Sure. |
| 308 | Hi. |
| 309 | Hey. |
| 310 | You know what? I've been thinking about it. |
| 311 | I'm really coming around on the name Ruth. |
| 312 | I think I would actually consider naming our child that. |
| 313 | Rach, I can't tell you how much that means to me. |
| 314 | Oh... |
| 315 | Wait a minute. |
| 316 | Wait a minute. |
| 317 | You-you hated the name Ruth. |
| 318 | Why... why would you change your mind? |
| 319 | Unless... |
| 320 | you know we're never going to have to use it. |
| 321 | You did see the folder. |
| 322 | You know it's a boy! |
| 323 | I didn't see anything. |
| 324 | I actually changed my mind about the name. |
| 325 | Oh, I don't think so. |
| 326 | You're just giving me Ruth |
| 327 | so you'll get to name him when it's a boy. |
| 328 | And then that's when you'll swoop in |
| 329 | and name him Heath |
| 330 | or Blaine or... Sequoia. |
| 331 | I would... Sequoia? |
| 332 | Veto. |
| 333 | Fine. |
| 334 | ( laughs sarcastically ) |
| 335 | Unless... |
| 336 | ( groans ) |
| 337 | you anticipated that I would figure all this out |
| 338 | and you know that it actually |
| 339 | is a girl, and... |
| 340 | and you really do want her to be named Ruth. |
| 341 | Well, I'm not falling for that! |
| 342 | Okay, Ruth is off the table! |
| 343 | But, Ross, you want the name Ruth. |
| 344 | Not like this. |
| 345 | Hey. |
| 346 | Hey. |
| 347 | Well, what's up? |
| 348 | Um, Joey, I know. |
| 349 | What? |
| 350 | I know. |
| 351 | What...? |
| 352 | I know about your feelings. |
| 353 | Oh, my God. You do? |
| 354 | Yes, and I'm sorry. |
| 355 | I know things worked out for Chandler and Monica |
| 356 | but that's very rare. |
| 357 | I know, I know. |
| 358 | And this is so much more complicated |
| 359 | than it was for those guys. |
| 360 | I mean, it's Rachel, for God sakes. |
| 361 | For God sakes, it's Rachel! |
| 362 | I know, I know. |
| 363 | And she's not only my friend |
| 364 | she's my pregnant friend. |
| 365 | She's my pregnant friend who's Ross's ex. |
| 366 | Yeah, that's Rachel. |
| 367 | Beat me over the head with it. |
| 368 | What... what am I going to do? |
| 369 | You know, and I keep trying |
| 370 | to get rid of these feelings, you know? |
| 371 | I stayed up all last night |
| 372 | and made a list of everything I don't like about her. |
| 373 | You want to hear it? |
| 374 | Yeah. |
| 375 | She made me switch to light mayo. |
| 376 | That's it! That's all I got! |
| 377 | And you know what? |
| 378 | Tastes the same, and my pants fit better. |
| 379 | Joey, I think you're just getting upset for nothing. |
| 380 | This is probably just a crush. |
| 381 | You think? |
| 382 | Absolutely. |
| 383 | You know, you get this rush of feelings |
| 384 | but then it goes away. |
| 385 | Yeah, just a crush. |
| 386 | That's all this is. |
| 387 | It's a crush. |
| 388 | I'm Joey. I don't get deep feelings. |
| 389 | That's right. There you go. |
| 390 | Yeah, crushes happen all the time. |
| 391 | I know I've had them for all you guys. |
| 392 | Well, except for Ross and Chandler. |
| 393 | Well... |
| 394 | You know... |
| 395 | and I'm sure you've had them for us. |
| 396 | Not really. |
| 397 | Mm-hmm. |
| 398 | Throw me a bone here. |
| 399 | So, I, uh... I called the doctor |
| 400 | and now we both know the sex of the baby. |
| 401 | What? That's right. |
| 402 | The student has become the master. |
| 403 | Ross, I swear, I don't know. |
| 404 | Oh, come on, you know it's a girl. |
| 405 | A what? |
| 406 | You... you really didn't know? |
| 407 | We're having a girl? |
| 408 | No. |
| 409 | That's what you just said. |
| 410 | No. |
| 411 | You said girl. |
| 412 | Yes. I'm... I'm sorry. |
| 413 | I'm so sorry. |
| 414 | I'm not. |
| 415 | We're having a girl! |
| 416 | Sometimes I can't believe it's with you. |
| 417 | But still... we're having a girl! |
| 418 | Oh! I know. I know. |
| 419 | You know what? I'm putting Ruth back on the table. |
| 420 | Oh... yes, we'll have ourselves a little baby Ruth. |
| 421 | Permission to veto. |
| 422 | Yes, please. |
| 423 | Hey. |
| 424 | Do I smell essential oils? |
| 425 | Yeah, I'm going to take a bath. |
| 426 | I was just going to get a magazine. |
| 427 | Okay. |
| 428 | What do you think you're doing? |
| 429 | Leaving my troubles behind? |
| 430 | All right, look, I know that you're new at this |
| 431 | but this is completely unacceptable bath decorum. |
| 432 | Oh, it's so hard to care when you're this relaxed. |
| 433 | Okay, fine. |
| 434 | You can have the bath |
| 435 | but I am taking your boat. |
| 436 | Now you're just a girl in a tub. |
| 437 | Ooh... oh. |
| 438 | Hey! |
| 439 | Hi, Bubbles. Manly. |
| 440 | Well, I just thought I would drop by |
| 441 | and let you know how it went with Joey. |
| 442 | You told her?! |
| 443 | She pulled it out of me. |
| 444 | She's like a conversational wizard. |
| 445 | How did it go? |
| 446 | Well, you were wrong. He doesn't like me. |
| 447 | What? Yeah. |
| 448 | How would you like it if I sent you to Lee Majors' house |
| 449 | and I told you that he liked you |
| 450 | and you went down there, and you found out |
| 451 | that he didn't like you-- how would you feel? |
| 452 | I don't think I'd care. |
| 453 | Really? Lee Majors is hot. |
| 454 | JOEY: Hello? |
| 455 | We're in the bathroom. |
| 456 | Why? |
| 457 | Because it's a relaxing and enjoyable time. |
| 458 | What are guys doing in here? |
| 459 | Oh, my God. |
| 460 | A friend he's looking at differently |
| 461 | but it's wrong... it's Rachel. |
| 462 | You like Rachel?! |
| 463 | Look, it's no big deal, okay? |
| 464 | Phoebe and I talked about it. |
| 465 | It's just a crush. It's going to go away. |
| 466 | Dude, you got to rearrange your bubbles. Whoa. |
| 467 | Mazel tov. |
| 468 | Yeah. |
| 469 | Hey. Ooh... Hi. |
| 470 | Hey. Hey. |
| 471 | Ross and I were looking for you. |
| 472 | What are we all doing in here? |
| 473 | Oh, my. |
| 474 | Honey, cover it up with the boat. |
| 475 | ROSS: Hello? |
| 476 | Yes, we're all in here, and we'd love for you to join us. |
| 477 | Hi. |
| 478 | Well, hey... |
| 479 | what's going on? |
| 480 | Ooh, cool boat. |
| 481 | Oh, no. |
| 482 | Hey, did you tell them? |
| 483 | No, I was waiting for you. |
| 484 | Tell us what? |
| 485 | We're having a girl. |
| 486 | Oh, wow! Really? |
| 487 | ( all talking excitedly ) |
| 488 | I'll get you later. |
| 489 | All right, it's a new day, and it's just a crush, that's all. |
| 490 | Just a little crush. |
| 491 | All that worrying I was doing-- that was crazy... crazy! |
| 492 | Like my friend the bird here would say |
| 493 | "It was cuckoo." |
| 494 | Everything's going to be fine. |
| 495 | It's just a crush. |
| 496 | Hi, sweetie. |
| 497 | I love you. |
| 498 | It's nice to do this together, isn't it? |
| 499 | Yeah. |
| 500 | And what you're doing feels so good. |
| 501 | I'm not touching you. |
| 502 | You're not? |
| 503 | It's the salts. |
| 504 | Oh, sweet Lord, new realms of pleasure. |
| 505 | Whatever keeps you off the balcony, big guy. |
| 506 | Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org |
| 507 | |
| 1 | Hey, what's up? |
| 2 | I left my guitar here again. |
| 3 | Oh, okay, no problem. |
| 4 | Okay. |
| 5 | Okay. Here you go. |
| 6 | Oh, okay. Okay. |
| 7 | Okay, uh... |
| 8 | What? |
| 9 | So you want to hang out or something? |
| 10 | Phoebe, y-y-you kind of caught me at a bad time. |
| 11 | Oh, are you and Chandler...? |
| 12 | Yes, exactly. Okay. |
| 13 | Do you guys want me to play for you? No. |
| 14 | Hey, Pheebs, what's up? |
| 15 | You're asking an intriguing question, Chandler Bing. |
| 16 | ( gasps ) |
| 17 | Oh, my God! You're getting a massage? |
| 18 | You never let me massage you. |
| 19 | Phoebe, I can explain. |
| 20 | You told me you hate massages. |
| 21 | "Buy stamps, pick up dry cleaning... |
| 22 | don't let Phoebe in." |
| 23 | I can't believe this. |
| 24 | How long has this been going on? |
| 25 | Well, uh, Alexandra is... |
| 26 | Oh, it has a name. |
| 27 | Phoebe, don't get upset. |
| 28 | Okay. Oop, too late. |
| 29 | I'm leaving. |
| 30 | Come on, Chandler, let's go. |
| 31 | Well, Pheeb, I thought I... |
| 32 | Yeah, what the hell. |
| 33 | ♪ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ♪ |
| 34 | ♪ Your job's a joke, you're broke ♪ |
| 35 | ♪ Your love life's D.O.A. ♪ |
| 36 | ♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪ |
| 37 | ♪ When it hasn't been your day, your week ♪ |
| 38 | ♪ Your month, or even your year ♪ |
| 39 | ♪ But I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 40 | ♪ 'Cause you're there for me, too. ♪ |
| 41 | Oh, okay, okay, come on, one more push, one more push. |
| 42 | Oh! Come on, honey, we're almost there, almost there. |
| 43 | Oh, Joey, I'm so happy things worked out for us |
| 44 | and we're having this baby together. |
| 45 | I love you so much. |
| 46 | Oh, I love you, too. |
| 47 | And I hope it's not an inappropriate time to say this |
| 48 | but you're the best sex I've ever had. |
| 49 | Oh, that's always appropriate. |
| 50 | Oh, okay, okay, come on. |
| 51 | One more push, one more push. |
| 52 | ( grunting ) |
| 53 | WOMAN: There we go. Oh... |
| 54 | Here is your beautiful baby. |
| 55 | Congratulations. |
| 56 | Aw... |
| 57 | ( crying like a baby ) |
| 58 | ( sobs ) |
| 59 | I hope you are a better father than you are a friend! |
| 60 | ( bawling ) |
| 61 | ( gasping ) |
| 62 | Oh! Ooh! |
| 63 | ( knock at door ) |
| 64 | Joey. Joey. What-what's going on? |
| 65 | Come feel this, come feel my belly. |
| 66 | Uh... |
| 67 | Joey, the baby |
| 68 | is kicking for the first time. |
| 69 | Will you please come and feel this? |
| 70 | Really? |
| 71 | Yes. |
| 72 | You know what, maybe, uh, you... |
| 73 | Maybe you should come to me. |
| 74 | I'm not wearing any bottom, so... |
| 75 | Oh. Okay. |
| 76 | Oh, my, oh, my God. |
| 77 | Oh! Oh, it's unbelievable. |
| 78 | Well, she is kicking so much. |
| 79 | Oh, she's like, um... |
| 80 | Oh, who's that kind of annoying girl soccer player? |
| 81 | Mia Hamm. |
| 82 | Mia Hamm! |
| 83 | Wow, it's amazing. |
| 84 | Oh, whoa! One hand on the sheet, Joey. |
| 85 | Hey! Oh, sorry. |
| 86 | Hey, babe. Hey, honey. |
| 87 | So we just got a wedding gift from Bob and Faye Bing. |
| 88 | They don't like us, do they? |
| 89 | Who says you can't get a nice punch bowl for under six bucks? |
| 90 | Maybe we can take it back. |
| 91 | No, it doesn't say where it came from. |
| 92 | Where would we return it? |
| 93 | How about to the street? |
| 94 | Say, from the balcony? |
| 95 | Why don't we just find a place for it? |
| 96 | ( grunts ) |
| 97 | How about in that cabinet? |
| 98 | No. That's where we keep the canned goods. |
| 99 | Have you completely forgotten everything |
| 100 | you learned at orientation...? |
| 101 | How about the closet by the bathroom? |
| 102 | Oh, okay. |
| 103 | Why don't you let me do it. |
| 104 | No, no, no, no, no. I will do it. |
| 105 | Honey, you have to learn to sit down and relax |
| 106 | and let your husband take care of things once in a while. |
| 107 | It's locked. You have to help me. |
| 108 | Why is it locked? |
| 109 | No reason. I-I-I keep private things in there. |
| 110 | Well, you know, I've been living here for a while |
| 111 | and I've never seen what's inside that closet. |
| 112 | What is in there? |
| 113 | Feminine stuff. |
| 114 | Don't try to make me uncomfortable with feminine stuff! |
| 115 | Chandler, there is nothing in there that concerns you. |
| 116 | If you love me, you'll just... you'll let it go. |
| 117 | Fine. |
| 118 | Thank you. |
| 119 | Love you. |
| 120 | Hi, Chandler. |
| 121 | Lovely day, huh? |
| 122 | You. |
| 123 | Phoebe, if it helps, Alexandra's only |
| 124 | been massaging Monica for, like, three years. |
| 125 | "If." I said if it helps. |
| 126 | Why won't you let me massage you? |
| 127 | Well, it's... I mean, I was just... I'd be self-conscious. |
| 128 | I mean, you're my friend; I'd be naked. |
| 129 | Monica, we lived together for years. |
| 130 | I've seen you naked. |
| 131 | That's different. |
| 132 | We were roommates, and when? |
| 133 | I'm curious about the human body. |
| 134 | Hey, come on, Phoebe |
| 135 | you can understand why this would be weird for me. |
| 136 | But I'm a professional, and I'm really good. |
| 137 | Look, if you're uncomfortable, we can stop. |
| 138 | Just give me a chance, okay, please? |
| 139 | Okay, if it means that much to you. |
| 140 | It does. |
| 141 | How would you feel if you couldn't share your cooking? |
| 142 | Or imagine how Ross would feel |
| 143 | if he couldn't teach us about dragons. |
| 144 | Dinosaurs. |
| 145 | Potato, "potahto." |
| 146 | Hey. |
| 147 | Hey, Ross. |
| 148 | The baby's kicking. |
| 149 | Wh... It is? |
| 150 | It's not kicking right now. |
| 151 | Although we would love to see you do that again! |
| 152 | When-when was it kicking? What happened? |
| 153 | Last night. I just felt it, then I went into Joey's room |
| 154 | and he was sleeping... |
| 155 | A dreamless sleep. |
| 156 | My God, the baby is kicking. |
| 157 | That's great. |
| 158 | Although I kind of wish I would have been there |
| 159 | to feel the kicking for the first time, you know. |
| 160 | Well, I've got some stuff going on in here |
| 161 | if you want to feel it. |
| 162 | Look, I don't want to miss any more baby stuff |
| 163 | so here, here's my new pager number, okay? |
| 164 | Anytime anything pregnancy-related happens, use it. |
| 165 | I'll be there, okay? |
| 166 | I don't care if it's 3:00 in the morning |
| 167 | and all you want is some ice cream. |
| 168 | Wow. Can I get a copy of that? |
| 169 | Phoebe: Are you under the sheet? |
| 170 | Yes. |
| 171 | Great. Let's begin. |
| 172 | How's the pressure? |
| 173 | Ah... it's nice. |
| 174 | Well, Phoebe, you are good. |
| 175 | Stating the obvious, but thank you. |
| 176 | And it's not weird, is it? |
| 177 | No. |
| 178 | Oh... |
| 179 | That's right, you just enjoy. |
| 180 | Oh... |
| 181 | Oh, yeah! |
| 182 | Oh... |
| 183 | Oh! |
| 184 | Oh, yeah! |
| 185 | Okay. |
| 186 | Oh, God, Phoebe! |
| 187 | Oh, that's it! |
| 188 | That's it, right there! |
| 189 | Oh! |
| 190 | Oh-ooh... |
| 191 | Ooh, ooh, ooh. |
| 192 | Oh... |
| 193 | ( door closes ) |
| 194 | I wasn't trying to open your closet! |
| 195 | I wasn't trying to open your closet, I swear! |
| 196 | Wow, Monica runs a pretty tight ship around here, doesn't she? |
| 197 | What are you doing? |
| 198 | Monica has a secret closet |
| 199 | and she won't let me see what's in it. |
| 200 | Why not? I don't know! |
| 201 | What could she possibly be hiding in here |
| 202 | that I can't see? |
| 203 | I don't know. |
| 204 | Ooh... |
| 205 | I'll bet it's Richard. |
| 206 | Why would Monica be keeping Richard in here? |
| 207 | Well, off the top of my head, uh... |
| 208 | maybe she's having her cake and eating it, too-- |
| 209 | you being the cake, Richard being the too. |
| 210 | Or... |
| 211 | And here we go. |
| 212 | I saw this movie once where there was a door |
| 213 | and nobody knew what was behind it. |
| 214 | And when they finally got it open, millions |
| 215 | and millions and millions of bugs came pouring out |
| 216 | and they feasted on human flesh. |
| 217 | You know, it wouldn't kill you to respect your wife's privacy! |
| 218 | Stupid closet full of bugs, man. |
| 219 | Joey... |
| 220 | Joey, something feels weird and not "good weird." |
| 221 | I don't know... Whoa! |
| 222 | Do not worry, okay? |
| 223 | When my sisters were pregnant |
| 224 | they got every weird feeling in the book. |
| 225 | It was always nothing. |
| 226 | Really? Absolutely. |
| 227 | But we're going to stop by the hospital just to be sure, okay? |
| 228 | I'll page Ross on the way. |
| 229 | Okay. Oh, God, ow, ooh! |
| 230 | O-okay, Rach, Rach look at me. |
| 231 | Look at me. Everything's going to be fine. |
| 232 | Okay. Trust me, okay? Come on. |
| 233 | Take my hand. Here we go. |
| 234 | I've got, ow, crossing bones! |
| 235 | Okay, good thing we're going to the hospital. |
| 236 | Hey. So? |
| 237 | She's fine. She was experiencing |
| 238 | Braxton-Hicks contractions-- mild discomfort |
| 239 | caused by contractions in the uterine wall. |
| 240 | Hmm. Mild Discomfort? |
| 241 | So I take it you've had one of these Braxton thingies? |
| 242 | So, so... |
| 243 | But everything is normal? |
| 244 | DOCTOR: Absolutely. |
| 245 | No. And there's no danger to her or the baby? |
| 246 | Contractions can be unnerving if you don't know what they are |
| 247 | but she's fine. |
| 248 | Thank you, Doctor. |
| 249 | Aw... thank you for being so nice and calm. |
| 250 | Calm? I wasn't calm. |
| 251 | I'd never been more scared in my entire life! |
| 252 | But wait, you just said everything was going to be okay. |
| 253 | What do I know? I'm not a doctor. |
| 254 | But it, oh, but everything is okay; I'm fine. |
| 255 | You sure? |
| 256 | Yes, yes. |
| 257 | I got half a mind to contract that doctor's uterus, though. |
| 258 | "Mild discomfort"? |
| 259 | What is he talking about? |
| 260 | Is everything okay? Oh, hey, hey. |
| 261 | Yeah, everything is fine. |
| 262 | Your page said "Come to the hospital." |
| 263 | What, what was it? What happened? |
| 264 | Something called Braxton-Hicks contraction. |
| 265 | Oh. Oh. Thank God. |
| 266 | That's no big deal. |
| 267 | Most women don't even feel them. |
| 268 | Okay, no uterus, no opinion. |
| 269 | Hey, uh, what's with the candy? |
| 270 | Oh, when you beeped me, I was on the line |
| 271 | at the concession stand at the movie theater. |
| 272 | Oh, you went to the movies by yourself? |
| 273 | No-- Mona! |
| 274 | Oh, I got to go back in there. |
| 275 | Why? What's wrong? |
| 276 | Everything's fine. I just got to go back there. |
| 277 | No, really, tell me, wh-what's up? |
| 278 | ( whispering ): I-I forgot my underwear. |
| 279 | So, thanks so much for-for bringing her to the hospital. |
| 280 | Oh, hey, don't worry about it, man. |
| 281 | Don't worry about it. No big deal. |
| 282 | Yeah, but still, I mean, it should have been me. |
| 283 | I'm the dad. |
| 284 | If you have any questions |
| 285 | here's some information on Braxton-Hicks. |
| 286 | Oh, thanks. |
| 287 | Oh, and by the way, you did the right thing by bringing her in. |
| 288 | You're going to make a wonderful father. |
| 289 | Oh, uh... |
| 290 | Hey, not as good as this guy. |
| 291 | He brought Twizzlers. |
| 292 | There's got to be a way! |
| 293 | Easy there, Captain Kirk. |
| 294 | Oh, do you have a bobby pin? |
| 295 | Yeah. |
| 296 | Oh, no, wait. I'm not a nine-year-old girl. |
| 297 | Then why do you throw like one? |
| 298 | Maybe Monica has a bobby pin. |
| 299 | Oh, sure, "Monica." |
| 300 | So, how's the hideously inappropriate crush |
| 301 | on Rachel coming? |
| 302 | Really good, really good, yeah. |
| 303 | I should be ready to kill myself any day now. |
| 304 | You sure found that quick. |
| 305 | I wish I didn't feel this way about Rachel anymore. |
| 306 | I wish things could go back to normal. |
| 307 | I mean, I love living with her |
| 308 | and helping out with the baby is just amazing |
| 309 | but now I think Ross feels left out, you know? |
| 310 | When I had to take Rachel to the hospital |
| 311 | the doctor thought I was the father. |
| 312 | God, you should have seen the look on Ross's face. |
| 313 | By the way, I have no idea what I'm doing here. |
| 314 | For all I know, I'm just locking it more. |
| 315 | Oh, hey, did you try opening it with a credit card? |
| 316 | That's a good idea. |
| 317 | So, Ross is kind of bummed, huh? |
| 318 | ( sighs ) |
| 319 | I feel terrible. |
| 320 | It's not your fault. |
| 321 | What are you going to do |
| 322 | not take her to the hospital, you know? |
| 323 | You're doing nothing wrong... |
| 324 | except for harboring an all-consuming love |
| 325 | for the woman that's carrying his baby. |
| 326 | Richard, if you're in there |
| 327 | could you pass me my credit card? |
| 328 | Hey. Hey. |
| 329 | I got to tell you, yesterday was amazing. |
| 330 | That massage felt so good. |
| 331 | No, I got that. |
| 332 | So, what do you say |
| 333 | we make it a weekly appointment? |
| 334 | Okay. You should know, though |
| 335 | I've raised my rates to $200 an hour. |
| 336 | Oh, okay. |
| 337 | I mean $500. |
| 338 | What? |
| 339 | $600. |
| 340 | What's going on? |
| 341 | You make sex noises when you get massaged. |
| 342 | Yeah, and it really freaked me out |
| 343 | and after a while I even tried to hurt you |
| 344 | and it just spurred you on. |
| 345 | What? You're crazy. |
| 346 | There's nothing sexual about the noises I make. |
| 347 | Really, there's nothing sexual about this? |
| 348 | Oh! Oh, God! |
| 349 | Oh-oh-oh! |
| 350 | What are you looking at? |
| 351 | I mean, hi. |
| 352 | This is so embarrassing. |
| 353 | Oh, my God, I'm never going to get massaged again. |
| 354 | No, you can't let this stop your from getting massages. |
| 355 | Look, I have lots of clients that make the same noise as you do. |
| 356 | Really? |
| 357 | Well, not clients, lovers. |
| 358 | Let's just... You know, we'll try it again. |
| 359 | Come back and we'll work through it. |
| 360 | You sure? |
| 361 | Yes. |
| 362 | I guess. |
| 363 | Great. |
| 364 | Okay, now if you'll just excuse me. |
| 365 | So, did you hear something you liked? |
| 366 | Hey, Ross, check it out. I learned a new trick, huh? |
| 367 | Hey. I brought you some lunch. |
| 368 | Oh, that's so sweet of you. |
| 369 | Eh. |
| 370 | Oh, yum. |
| 371 | ( garbled ): Did you put pickles on this? |
| 372 | Well, yeah. |
| 373 | Oh, Ross! |
| 374 | What? What? |
| 375 | Rach, what? |
| 376 | What's going on? |
| 377 | I made her favorite, tuna sandwich with pickle. |
| 378 | Pickle? Pickle makes her sick. |
| 379 | Giving her pickles is like giving me salad. |
| 380 | I'm sorry, Rach. I didn't know. |
| 381 | Are you going to be okay? |
| 382 | Yeah, I'll be fine. |
| 383 | But can someone make sure that sandwich is gone |
| 384 | when I get out there? |
| 385 | I'm on it! |
| 386 | I can't believe this. |
| 387 | I shouldn't be the one making her throw up. |
| 388 | Relax, Ross, it could happen to anyone. |
| 389 | Yeah? Not to you 'cause you know this stuff. |
| 390 | I don't know any of it and I'm the father. |
| 391 | I wish I was more involved, you know? |
| 392 | ( groans ) |
| 393 | Well, if anyone is keeping score |
| 394 | I no longer eat tuna. |
| 395 | Hey, can I talk to you guys for a second? |
| 396 | Yeah. What's up? |
| 397 | Sit down. |
| 398 | I want to talk about our situation. |
| 399 | Are you breaking up with us? |
| 400 | The thing is... |
| 401 | because I live with Rachel I'm here for a lot of the stuff |
| 402 | and Ross... Ross is missing everything. |
| 403 | So... |
| 404 | Yeah? |
| 405 | Maybe you two should live together. |
| 406 | Are you asking me to move out? |
| 407 | You don't want me here? |
| 408 | No, no, I love living with you. It just seems that... |
| 409 | if you're going to have a roommate |
| 410 | it might as well be the father. |
| 411 | But, Joey, I don't think Ross wants me |
| 412 | to move into his apartment and disrupt his life like that. |
| 413 | Or he does. |
| 414 | Well, I would love to be around |
| 415 | for you and the baby |
| 416 | and we can just try it, like, on a temporary basis. |
| 417 | But, Ross, it's you and me. |
| 418 | So? Sure. But it wouldn't be anything romantic |
| 419 | and I'm dating Mona. |
| 420 | Damn it! Mona! |
| 421 | I was supposed to meet her, like, an hour ago. |
| 422 | What is wrong with me? |
| 423 | So, what do you think? |
| 424 | I don't know Is it crazy? |
| 425 | No, no. |
| 426 | Joey, this is a smart idea. |
| 427 | Well, I was due. |
| 428 | Okay, let's do it. I'll move in. |
| 429 | Really? Yeah. |
| 430 | Oh, Rach, that's great. That's great. |
| 431 | ( cooing ) |
| 432 | Not too shabby. |
| 433 | I got this all off myself... |
| 434 | using my wife's tools. |
| 435 | Oh, my God! |
| 436 | ( gasps ) |
| 437 | How did you get in there?! |
| 438 | ( goofy laugh ) |
| 439 | You're messy. |
| 440 | No! You weren't supposed to see this! |
| 441 | I married Fred Sanford! |
| 442 | No, Chandler, you don't understand. |
| 443 | ( hums Sanford and Son theme) |
| 444 | Okay, okay, fine. Now you know, okay? |
| 445 | I'm sick. |
| 446 | No, honey, you're not sick. |
| 447 | Look, I don't love you because you're organized. |
| 448 | I love you in spite of that. |
| 449 | Really? |
| 450 | You promise you won't tell anyone? |
| 451 | Yes. |
| 452 | Look, now that I know |
| 453 | if I've got some extra stuff lying around |
| 454 | can we share the closet? |
| 455 | Oh, well, it's just, um... |
| 456 | I'm afraid you might mess it up. |
| 457 | Hey. |
| 458 | What's up? Hey. |
| 459 | Rachel's all moved out, huh? |
| 460 | How you taking it? |
| 461 | I want to have a few beers, but I got rid of those |
| 462 | because Rachel couldn't stand the smell of them. |
| 463 | So, I've thrown back a lot of orange juice |
| 464 | with calcium, though. |
| 465 | And it's a couple weeks past its expiration date |
| 466 | so it's got a bit of a kick. |
| 467 | Are you okay? |
| 468 | You kidding me? |
| 469 | I'm great. |
| 470 | Yeah, I'm better than great. I am good. |
| 471 | And now that she's gone |
| 472 | I can do all this stuff around there |
| 473 | that I couldn't do before, you know? |
| 474 | Like, um, I can walk around naked again, you know? |
| 475 | I can watch porn in the living room |
| 476 | right? |
| 477 | This is good for me, you know? I like being on my own. |
| 478 | I'm better off this way. |
| 479 | I'm a lone wolf, a loner. |
| 480 | Alone. |
| 481 | All alone... |
| 482 | forever. |
| 483 | What's a wolf got to do to get a hug around here?! |
| 484 | Oh! |
| 485 | That's it. Just relax. |
| 486 | Oh! Oh-oh! |
| 487 | Come on. More. |
| 488 | Oh, God! |
| 489 | You like that, don't you? |
| 490 | Yeah, right there. |
| 491 | You want it there, you take it there, baby. |
| 492 | Uh, Phoebe? |
| 493 | Yeah, say my name. Say it. |
| 494 | And now I'm going to cover you back up |
| 495 | and won't be speaking with you for several weeks. |
| 496 | Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org |
| 497 | |
| 1 | Oh, hey, Rach. |
| 2 | Hi. Hey. |
| 3 | Happy Valentine's Day. |
| 4 | Oh, you, too. |
| 5 | Oh, so how's it going living over at Ross's? |
| 6 | It's good |
| 7 | except he makes us watch |
| 8 | The Discovery Channel all day long. |
| 9 | Did you know that something really boring |
| 10 | happened to someone really ugly in the Middle Ages? |
| 11 | Oh, thank you. |
| 12 | I'll see you guys later. |
| 13 | Okay. Bye. |
| 14 | There's one lucky to-go cup of coffee. |
| 15 | ( sighs ) |
| 16 | Honey, I wish you would get over her. |
| 17 | I hate seeing you like this. |
| 18 | Is there anything I can do for you? |
| 19 | Do you want to look down my top? |
| 20 | Thanks, but maybe later, okay? |
| 21 | Oh, Gunther. |
| 22 | Could I get a scone? |
| 23 | Do you want anything? |
| 24 | You know what I want? |
| 25 | I want a lot of things. |
| 26 | I want to be with the woman I love on Valentine's Day |
| 27 | and I want her to love me back |
| 28 | and I want just one moment of relief |
| 29 | from the gut-wrenching pain |
| 30 | of knowing that's never going to happen. |
| 31 | We have red bagels. |
| 32 | Oh, okay. |
| 33 | ♪ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ♪ |
| 34 | ♪ Your job's a joke, you're broke ♪ |
| 35 | ♪ Your love life's D.O.A. ♪ |
| 36 | ♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪ |
| 37 | ♪ When it hasn't been your day, your week ♪ |
| 38 | ♪ Your month, or even your year ♪ |
| 39 | ♪ But I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 40 | ♪ 'Cause you're there for me, too. ♪ |
| 41 | How does Mona feel |
| 42 | about you two living together? |
| 43 | Oh, I'm actually on my way to tell her right now. |
| 44 | Yeah, she's been away all week visiting her parents |
| 45 | but she'll be cool. |
| 46 | I mean, she's been so supportive. |
| 47 | She-she even got the baby a tiny T-shirt |
| 48 | that says, "Fossils are my friends." |
| 49 | Ugh. |
| 50 | Come on, Mona, don't kiss ass. |
| 51 | So, I'm going to take off. |
| 52 | All right. Oh. |
| 53 | Shoot. Oh, shoot. |
| 54 | Uh, Rachel wanted to see this tape. |
| 55 | What is it? |
| 56 | It's a video of my friend giving birth. |
| 57 | Could you just bring it back to your apartment? |
| 58 | All right. |
| 59 | "Candy and Cookie"? |
| 60 | Yeah. |
| 61 | Candy's the mother, Cookie's the daughter. |
| 62 | The father's name is also Cookie. |
| 63 | Why am I friends with these people? |
| 64 | Phoebe, come here. |
| 65 | I want to show you something in the bathroom. |
| 66 | Oh, Monica, grow up. |
| 67 | Hey, what have you got behind your back? |
| 68 | Nothing. Just... Just something |
| 69 | I want to get Phoebe's opinion on |
| 70 | for Valentine's Day. |
| 71 | You don't want my opinion? |
| 72 | Not really. |
| 73 | Oh, come on, I'm your older brother-- ask me. |
| 74 | Oh, okay, big brother. |
| 75 | Which one of these do you think |
| 76 | would make your little sister look hotter |
| 77 | so your best friend would want to do her? |
| 78 | The red one. |
| 79 | ( door opening ) |
| 80 | Hey. |
| 81 | Look, I know you've been really depressed lately |
| 82 | so I've brought someone over to cheer you up. |
| 83 | Right outside this door is a real, live, furry playmate. |
| 84 | No, I'm not sleeping with your friend Jane again. |
| 85 | He-hee! |
| 86 | Hey, a dog. |
| 87 | Oh, hi. |
| 88 | Who, you got to admit, looks a lot like Jane. |
| 89 | This is the happiest dog in the world. |
| 90 | I borrowed him from my friend Wendy |
| 91 | so you can keep him till he cheers you up |
| 92 | and he will cheer you up. |
| 93 | Thanks so much, Pheebs. |
| 94 | We are going to have so much fun, yes, we are. |
| 95 | Oh, not that kind of fun. |
| 96 | Happy Valentine's! |
| 97 | Hey! |
| 98 | I'll be right out. |
| 99 | I'm slipping into something |
| 100 | a little less comfortable |
| 101 | and a little more slutty. |
| 102 | "Candy and Cookie"? |
| 103 | "Candy and Cookie"? |
| 104 | Monica got me porn? |
| 105 | Girl-on-girl porn? |
| 106 | She really must love me! |
| 107 | ( woman breathing hard ) |
| 108 | MAN: Yeah, just relax. |
| 109 | I love you, St. Valentine. |
| 110 | ( woman breathing, moaning ) |
| 111 | Whoa, whoa, that's not pretty. |
| 112 | MAN: Now, push. |
| 113 | ( woman yelling ) |
| 114 | Worst porn ever, worst porn ever! |
| 115 | ( screaming ): Oh, make it stop! |
| 116 | I am trying. |
| 117 | Get the ball. Get the ball. |
| 118 | Ready? Get the ball. |
| 119 | Well, you're cute, but you're not too smart. |
| 120 | Did I just throw this? |
| 121 | Hi. |
| 122 | Hi. I accidentally packed these |
| 123 | with my stuff. |
| 124 | ( gasps ) |
| 125 | Who is this? |
| 126 | That's Phoebe's friend's dog. Yeah. |
| 127 | I don't know what is real name is, but I call him Mozzarella. |
| 128 | Oh... You are so cute. |
| 129 | I wish I could play with you more |
| 130 | but I've got to go to work. |
| 131 | I hope I stop talking like this |
| 132 | before my marketing meeting, yes, I do. |
| 133 | Yes, I do. |
| 134 | Bye-bye, Joey. |
| 135 | I seriously can't stop it. |
| 136 | Come here. Hey. |
| 137 | Hey... |
| 138 | That's Rachel. |
| 139 | She's the one who used to live here. |
| 140 | Might as well be honest with you-- |
| 141 | We love her |
| 142 | but we can't have her. |
| 143 | I really miss her. |
| 144 | Well, hey, you understand, right? |
| 145 | You're a guy. |
| 146 | Well... you used to be. |
| 147 | So, what do you think? |
| 148 | I've still got it. |
| 149 | Why did you get me this? |
| 150 | What is it? |
| 151 | It's yelling... bleeding... |
| 152 | dilating... |
| 153 | Oh, the dilating. |
| 154 | Is this the video of the baby being born? |
| 155 | Sweetie, this is Phoebe's. |
| 156 | Why were you even watching it? |
| 157 | I thought maybe you got me porn for Valentine's Day. |
| 158 | Chandler, if you thought I was |
| 159 | going to get you porn for Valentine's Day... |
| 160 | You were right. |
| 161 | Apparently it's about a young girl |
| 162 | who moves to the big city |
| 163 | you know, in search of stardom |
| 164 | but ends up having sex with a lot of guys. |
| 165 | Mm-hmm. |
| 166 | Yeah, it got four stars. |
| 167 | Oh, wait a minute-- those aren't stars. |
| 168 | Anyway, you want to take a look? |
| 169 | Well... |
| 170 | I'm not really in a sexy mood right now. |
| 171 | Hey, what's going on? |
| 172 | Well... |
| 173 | Remember the first time you saw Jaws? |
| 174 | Mm-hmm. |
| 175 | How long it took to go back in the water? |
| 176 | Chandler, we can't let this tape wreck Valentine's Day. |
| 177 | You don't know. |
| 178 | You didn't see it. |
| 179 | Childbirth, it-it's a natural thing. |
| 180 | It's beautiful. |
| 181 | Oh, b-beautiful? Really? |
| 182 | Oh, really? You think this is beautiful? |
| 183 | ( screaming ) |
| 184 | Oh, my God. No wonder my mother hates me. |
| 185 | See, honey, there's... |
| 186 | Don't touch me. |
| 187 | Hi. |
| 188 | Hey. Hi. |
| 189 | Hi. |
| 190 | So? How was Atlantic City? |
| 191 | Good. Yeah? |
| 192 | I brought you back a present. |
| 193 | What? Oh, come on. |
| 194 | You didn't have to... salt water taffy?! |
| 195 | Thanks. |
| 196 | You know, it's interesting. |
| 197 | Most people think this is made with seawater |
| 198 | but it's actually made with, uh... salted fresh water. |
| 199 | That's not interesting. |
| 200 | I think it's interesting. |
| 201 | I do, too. |
| 202 | I missed you. |
| 203 | Oh, me, too. |
| 204 | So, how was your week? |
| 205 | Oh, it was good, it was good. |
| 206 | Actually, the baby started kicking. |
| 207 | How exciting. |
| 208 | Yeah, I know. Oh... It was amazing. |
| 209 | The sad thing is, I wasn't around |
| 210 | when it happened for the first time. |
| 211 | Oh, no. |
| 212 | Yeah, I know. |
| 213 | I was missing out on all this other stuff, too |
| 214 | so Joey suggested Rachel move in with me. |
| 215 | Yeah, right. |
| 216 | What? |
| 217 | Joey cracks me up. |
| 218 | It's like, "Yeah, why don't you |
| 219 | "have your ex-wife move in with you? |
| 220 | That wouldn't be awkward at all." |
| 221 | Huh. |
| 222 | Hey, could you imagine? |
| 223 | I go away for a few days. |
| 224 | I come back, and my boyfriend |
| 225 | is living with some woman he got pregnant. |
| 226 | So, what did you tell him? |
| 227 | Mm-mmm-mmm. |
| 228 | How could you not tell Mona |
| 229 | that Rachel is living with you? |
| 230 | I don't know. |
| 231 | She seemed to think it was such a crazy idea. |
| 232 | Plus, she, uh... she got me taffy. |
| 233 | Taffy? Really? I've never had any. |
| 234 | Ever? |
| 235 | My mother was too busy |
| 236 | planning her suicide |
| 237 | to provide saltwater treats. |
| 238 | Thank you. |
| 239 | So, what, are you just never going to tell her? |
| 240 | Oh, no, no, no. I will. |
| 241 | I just want to butter her up first. |
| 242 | I'm going to take her |
| 243 | to an amazing Valentine's dinner |
| 244 | do all this romantic stuff |
| 245 | and then, just when she thinks |
| 246 | I'm the best boyfriend in the world |
| 247 | then I'm going to tell her |
| 248 | that my pregnant ex-girlfriend |
| 249 | is living with me. |
| 250 | If I haven't said it before |
| 251 | she's a lucky, lucky lady. |
| 252 | So where you going to...? |
| 253 | What the mother of crap is up with this stuff? |
| 254 | Oh, God! |
| 255 | Is it gum? Is it food? |
| 256 | What... what's the deal? |
| 257 | Oh, it's nice. |
| 258 | May I try a pink one? |
| 259 | So, between her and me being friends |
| 260 | and her history with Ross |
| 261 | it just isn't going to happen. |
| 262 | It would be like you falling in love with a cat. |
| 263 | Hey. Hey. |
| 264 | Hey, Buddy. |
| 265 | How's my favorite dog, huh? |
| 266 | How's my favorite dog? |
| 267 | You're subdued. |
| 268 | Did you give him a beer? |
| 269 | No. |
| 270 | Will you excuse us? |
| 271 | We need to talk for a moment. |
| 272 | Yeah, sure. Go... |
| 273 | Oh, me. Right. |
| 274 | He's miserable. |
| 275 | What happened to him? |
| 276 | Nothing. |
| 277 | Just talked about stuff. |
| 278 | What stuff? |
| 279 | Rachel stuff. |
| 280 | Oh, Joey, you bummed him out. |
| 281 | This was the happiest dog in the world. |
| 282 | He spends half a day with you |
| 283 | and look at him. |
| 284 | He's breathing. |
| 285 | Okay, I'm going |
| 286 | to take him back to Wendy's. |
| 287 | No, no, no. He's fine. |
| 288 | Look, look, look. |
| 289 | Here's your ball. Get the ball. |
| 290 | Get your ball. Get your ball! |
| 291 | Get your ball! Get... |
| 292 | My God, what have I done to you? |
| 293 | Huh? I broke the dog. |
| 294 | I broke the dog! |
| 295 | Well, I'm going to pick up Mona. |
| 296 | What have you got going on tonight? |
| 297 | Oh, I got big Valentine's plans. |
| 298 | I got my Chinese food on the way |
| 299 | and the rest of your saltwater taffy. |
| 300 | You know, it's interesting. |
| 301 | Most people think that's made with seawater, when, in fact... |
| 302 | Ross, we actually watched the documentary together. |
| 303 | ( knocking on door ) |
| 304 | Oop! My Chinese food. |
| 305 | I'll get my cash. |
| 306 | Mona? |
| 307 | You're, uh... |
| 308 | What are...? Hi. |
| 309 | Hi. |
| 310 | What are you doing here? |
| 311 | I'm supposed to pick you up. |
| 312 | Change of plans. |
| 313 | I made you a special Valentine's dinner. |
| 314 | Surprise! |
| 315 | ( yells ) |
| 316 | Oh. Hey, Mona. |
| 317 | Hi. Hi. Hi, Rachel. |
| 318 | What's she doing here? |
| 319 | I have no idea. |
| 320 | Um... I'll be watching TV |
| 321 | if anybody needs me. |
| 322 | Seriously, what is she doing here? |
| 323 | Uh... you know, lately |
| 324 | she just likes hanging out here. |
| 325 | Why? |
| 326 | I think she's lonely. |
| 327 | Okay, but it's Valentine's Day. |
| 328 | Can't we just ask her to go? |
| 329 | Well, no, no. |
| 330 | She's way too emotional. |
| 331 | And, by emotional, I mean... |
| 332 | ( doorbell rings ) |
| 333 | I'm not here. |
| 334 | That's just my Chinese food. |
| 335 | Oh, my God. She has food delivered here? |
| 336 | Yes. She's... she's emotional |
| 337 | but... but ballsy. |
| 338 | You know what I'm going to do? |
| 339 | I'm going to get in my sweats and eat this in bed. |
| 340 | And you thought she was going to be in our way. |
| 341 | So, okay, why don't you |
| 342 | open the champagne |
| 343 | and I will be right back. |
| 344 | I've got a surprise for you. |
| 345 | You got another ex-wife back there? |
| 346 | Oh... you... please start drinking. |
| 347 | I just came to grab the phone. |
| 348 | Oh, Rachel, wait. Hey. |
| 349 | Um... I hope |
| 350 | you don't take this the wrong way |
| 351 | but... but, um... what are you doing? |
| 352 | Oh, I'm sorry. Do you need the phone? |
| 353 | No. No. Listen |
| 354 | Ross is too nice to say anything |
| 355 | but this is his apartment |
| 356 | and we... we got to have some boundaries |
| 357 | so why don't you just go back to your place |
| 358 | and give us some privacy. |
| 359 | But, Mona, I... I live here. |
| 360 | Happy Valentine's Day! |
| 361 | Or something to remember me by. |
| 362 | How long has it been this time? |
| 363 | 90 seconds. |
| 364 | That's better. |
| 365 | 90 seconds is a long time |
| 366 | not to think about it |
| 367 | except all I did was think about it. |
| 368 | I know. It haunts me. |
| 369 | Up till now, the worst thing I ever saw |
| 370 | was my father doing tequila shots |
| 371 | off the naked houseboy. |
| 372 | After this, I would gladly |
| 373 | make that my screen saver. |
| 374 | We have to get past this. |
| 375 | Why don't we just get rid of the tape |
| 376 | and pretend it never existed. |
| 377 | I could do that. |
| 378 | All right. |
| 379 | Okay, now all we got to do is get rid of this chair. |
| 380 | ( knocking on door ) |
| 381 | Oh, thank God! |
| 382 | Oh, I know! |
| 383 | Come in. |
| 384 | Hi. I'm so sorry |
| 385 | to barge in on your Valentine |
| 386 | but I had to get away from all the yelling. |
| 387 | Mona is dumping Ross. |
| 388 | Oh, my God. |
| 389 | Poor Ross. |
| 390 | Oh, great. |
| 391 | We have to watch him do yoga in his underwear |
| 392 | but for this he closes the drapes. |
| 393 | Rach, you know |
| 394 | that birthing tape that you wanted to see? |
| 395 | It's here. |
| 396 | Oh, and we should warn you |
| 397 | before you watch it... |
| 398 | Don't watch it. |
| 399 | Why? You saw it? Is it scary? |
| 400 | Well, let's just say that it's ironic |
| 401 | how footage of someone being born |
| 402 | can make you want to kill yourself. |
| 403 | Well... well, now, wait. |
| 404 | I'm all freaked out. |
| 405 | Come on. You guys will watch it with me. |
| 406 | No, but I will leave a sweater |
| 407 | that smells like me right next to you. |
| 408 | Come on, seriously, you guys. |
| 409 | You're not going to make me watch this alone. |
| 410 | She's right. |
| 411 | Of course not. |
| 412 | Honey, get the tape. |
| 413 | This reminds me of a very specific part of the tape. |
| 414 | Okay... |
| 415 | here we go. |
| 416 | Okay. |
| 417 | ( clears throat ) |
| 418 | Ooh, my! |
| 419 | ( woman screaming ) |
| 420 | Oh, why is that baby torturing that woman?! |
| 421 | Why have I seen this thing three times? |
| 422 | It's still beautiful. |
| 423 | Ah! It's horrible! |
| 424 | I know! I know! |
| 425 | I'm so sorry for you! |
| 426 | Oh, my God! |
| 427 | You guys... you guys, look! |
| 428 | What? What? Did her ass explode? |
| 429 | No. The baby's out. Look. It's a girl. |
| 430 | Oh, look at those little fingers and toes. |
| 431 | And look how happy the mom is now. |
| 432 | Oh, Rach... |
| 433 | Oh, screw you guys! |
| 434 | You don't have to do it. |
| 435 | Hey. |
| 436 | Hey. |
| 437 | What's up? |
| 438 | Uh... Mona just dumped me. |
| 439 | Oh, man, I'm sorry. Why? |
| 440 | Well, with everything that's been going on lately |
| 441 | I haven't exactly been the perfect boyfriend. |
| 442 | You know, I mean, I didn't tell her |
| 443 | I got Rachel pregnant. |
| 444 | Then I gave her a key to my apartment |
| 445 | and then I had the locks changed. |
| 446 | And then... |
| 447 | I lied to her about Rachel moving in with me. |
| 448 | In a way, I... I actually judge her |
| 449 | for not breaking up with me sooner, you know? |
| 450 | Still, that really sucks, man. |
| 451 | Especially on Valentine's Day. |
| 452 | Yeah. Wait a minute. |
| 453 | What are you doing here? |
| 454 | Joey Tribbiani without a date on Valentine's Day? |
| 455 | What's going on, man? |
| 456 | Girl trouble? |
| 457 | Sort of. Yeah. |
| 458 | Really? |
| 459 | You don't have |
| 460 | to seem so happy about it. |
| 461 | Oh, sorry. |
| 462 | Well, look, maybe I can help. |
| 463 | Oh, I... I don't... |
| 464 | Hey, hey, hey, whatever it is |
| 465 | I am sure it has happened to me. |
| 466 | You know |
| 467 | actually, once... once I got dumped during sex. |
| 468 | So, anyway... so what is it? |
| 469 | Oh, forget about it. It's no big deal. |
| 470 | Hey, come on, Joey. What is it? |
| 471 | It's nothing. |
| 472 | Hey, hey, it's me. |
| 473 | Why can't you tell me? |
| 474 | Okay. Uh... sit down. |
| 475 | Um... |
| 476 | There's this woman that I like... a lot... |
| 477 | but, uh... it can't happen. |
| 478 | She's not a Tribbiani? |
| 479 | No! |
| 480 | I knew it. |
| 481 | So, uh... so is she, uh... someone from work? |
| 482 | Yes. |
| 483 | Well, uh... does she like you? |
| 484 | Sometimes I think maybe she could. |
| 485 | But it doesn't matter |
| 486 | because I can't do anything about it. |
| 487 | Why not? |
| 488 | It's complicated. |
| 489 | Um... she was with this other guy... for a long time-- |
| 490 | someone from work, too-- |
| 491 | and, uh, I could never do that to the guy, you know |
| 492 | 'cause we're really good friends. |
| 493 | Okay, so this... this guy she used to go out with... |
| 494 | Is, uh... is he still in love with her? |
| 495 | No. I don't think so. |
| 496 | Okay, um... |
| 497 | Is he a good guy? |
| 498 | Yeah, he's the best. |
| 499 | Then talk to him. |
| 500 | He might be fine with it. |
| 501 | Oh, I don't know. |
| 502 | Joey, come on. It's worth finding out. |
| 503 | I mean, if you really like her. |
| 504 | I do... so much I can't stop thinking about her. |
| 505 | I can't sleep, I... |
| 506 | Okay, Joey, you know what? |
| 507 | You... you have to go for it. |
| 508 | How often does this happen to you, huh? |
| 509 | I mean, you owe it to yourself. |
| 510 | Here's your warm milk. |
| 511 | I'm-I'm going to get... |
| 512 | I'm going to put the bourbon in it at home. |
| 513 | Yeah. |
| 514 | Anyway, seriously |
| 515 | just... just talk to the guy, okay? |
| 516 | And let me know how it goes. |
| 517 | It's Rachel. |
| 518 | and you need to be prepared. |
| 519 | Now, you're going to make yourself watch the whole thing. |
| 520 | Just do it. |
| 521 | WOMAN: I came to the big city to become a star. |
| 522 | I'll do anything to make that happen. |
| 523 | MAN: Anything? |
| 524 | RACHEL: Huh. Maybe it starts with how she gets pregnant. |
| 525 | Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org |
| 526 | |
| 1 | D-Did... I'm sorry |
| 2 | did you just say it's Rachel? |
| 3 | Yes. |
| 4 | Um, you-you like Rachel? |
| 5 | Yes. I like Rachel. |
| 6 | Rachel?! |
| 7 | Yeah, okay |
| 8 | ( stammering ) |
| 9 | Hey, you know... you know who else I like? |
| 10 | You. And-and it doesn't get said enough. |
| 11 | I like you, Ross. |
| 12 | R-R-Rachel Rachel? |
| 13 | Yeah. It's not a big deal. |
| 14 | It's not a big deal? |
| 15 | Oh, I'm sorry. I just... |
| 16 | Um, I... What about all the stuff you-you just said? |
| 17 | I mean, how about, uh, like |
| 18 | you can't stop thinking about her. |
| 19 | Like, how you can't sleep. |
| 20 | I-I'm an actor, you know. |
| 21 | As-As a group we tend to be overdramatic. |
| 22 | But Rachel-who's-carrying- my-baby Rachel? |
| 23 | Look, no, I-I know it's bad and I know it's wrong, okay? |
| 24 | But-But it's not like anything's ever going to happen, you know. |
| 25 | These-These are just feelings. |
| 26 | They-They're going to go away. |
| 27 | You know, I-I got to go. |
| 28 | Aw, come on, Ross. |
| 29 | Hey, Ross, Ross... I don't... |
| 30 | I just... you know |
| 31 | I-I just have one... Rachel?! |
| 32 | ( sighs ) |
| 33 | ( no audio ) |
| 34 | ( sighs ) |
| 35 | Rachel?! |
| 36 | ♪ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ♪ |
| 37 | ♪ Your job's a joke, you're broke ♪ |
| 38 | ♪ Your love life's D.O.A. ♪ |
| 39 | ♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪ |
| 40 | ♪ When it hasn't been your day, your week ♪ |
| 41 | ♪ Your month, or even your year ♪ |
| 42 | ♪ But I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 43 | ♪ 'Cause you're there for me, too. ♪ |
| 44 | Yeah. Oh, oh! |
| 45 | Okay, she's kicking. Oh. |
| 46 | She's growing inside you. |
| 47 | Whoa! Ooh. Oh! |
| 48 | Wow, that was a big one. |
| 49 | I think that's the youngest girl ever to reject me. |
| 50 | Oh, hey, you guys. |
| 51 | Oh, hey, there. Hi. |
| 52 | Hey, listen, let me ask you. |
| 53 | Do you believe in soul mates? |
| 54 | Oh, yes, I do. |
| 55 | I do. I believe that there |
| 56 | is one perfect person out there for everyone. |
| 57 | And you know how you find him? |
| 58 | You stop looking for him. |
| 59 | That's why I've stopped looking for Russell Crowe. |
| 60 | He'll find me. |
| 61 | Uh-huh, uh-huh. And you? |
| 62 | No. I mean, I believe that, uh |
| 63 | certain people are more suited for each other |
| 64 | and I believe in falling in love |
| 65 | but soul mates-- I don't think they exist. |
| 66 | Okay, good. |
| 67 | Why? |
| 68 | Well, last night, I met Monica's. |
| 69 | ( gasps ) |
| 70 | What? |
| 71 | Yeah. I-I had a date with this guy |
| 72 | and I swear to God he is her other half. |
| 73 | Come on, don't be crazy. |
| 74 | You don't think there's somebody out there |
| 75 | better suited for Monica |
| 76 | than me, do you? |
| 77 | Well, what's he like? |
| 78 | Well, he's tall. Uh-huh. |
| 79 | He has brown hair. |
| 80 | Of course, of course. |
| 81 | A tall guy with hair similar to mine. |
| 82 | Oh, unknowable universe. |
| 83 | He works with food. |
| 84 | Oh, sure. Older? |
| 85 | Obviously. And he's British. |
| 86 | Oh, I was just going to ask! |
| 87 | Yeah? |
| 88 | And he's-he's so centered and mature |
| 89 | and confident. Oh... |
| 90 | it's so sad they never had a chance to meet. |
| 91 | Luckily the guy she settled for |
| 92 | can't hear what you're talking about. |
| 93 | Oh, I'm so sorry. |
| 94 | Um, and maybe I'm wrong. |
| 95 | I... but, you know what? |
| 96 | I'm going to go out with him again and I'll find out more. |
| 97 | You believe that this guy is destined for somebody else |
| 98 | and you're still going to date him? |
| 99 | Well, he may not be my soul mate but a girl's got to eat. |
| 100 | ( knocking ) |
| 101 | Hey. Hey. |
| 102 | I just talked to Joey and I just... |
| 103 | I wanted to see how you were. |
| 104 | You know what, I still... I can't believe it. |
| 105 | Joey and Rachel? I mean it... |
| 106 | It's like you and me going out, only weirder. |
| 107 | All right, I know you're hurting and-and I want to be supportive |
| 108 | but don't say that again. |
| 109 | Oh, my God, what if-if they get married? |
| 110 | Then he'd be the step-father of my child. |
| 111 | Oh, honey |
| 112 | I don't think that's something you need to worry about. |
| 113 | First of all, he-he's never going to tell her how he feels about her. |
| 114 | And even if he did, you have no idea how she would react. |
| 115 | Sure, 'cause women never like Joey. |
| 116 | You know, I think he's a virgin. |
| 117 | But Joey... |
| 118 | he's not even thinking about going after Rachel. |
| 119 | He's not? No. |
| 120 | All he's thinking about is how you're taking this. |
| 121 | I mean, listen, it-it's completely freaking him out. |
| 122 | He's talking about moving to Vermont. |
| 123 | Why? |
| 124 | He says he wants to leave the country. |
| 125 | He thinks you hate him. |
| 126 | Hate him? I... |
| 127 | No, I don't hate him. |
| 128 | It's just, it's Rachel, you know? |
| 129 | Honey, I can't even imagine how hard this must be for you. |
| 130 | But I don't want you to lose Joey over it. |
| 131 | Right now he just needs to know that you're still his friend. |
| 132 | Okay. Okay, I'll talk to him. |
| 133 | Okay. |
| 134 | And do it soon. |
| 135 | He just asked me how he could convert his dollars |
| 136 | into Vermont money. |
| 137 | ( Phoebe chuckling ) |
| 138 | Oh! Hey. |
| 139 | Oh. Hi. |
| 140 | Hi. Um... |
| 141 | Chandler, Monica, this is Don. |
| 142 | Hey. Hello. |
| 143 | Nice to meet you. |
| 144 | Nice to meet you. |
| 145 | ( coughs ): Soul mate. |
| 146 | So, what have |
| 147 | you guys been doing? |
| 148 | Well, we just had a terrible lunch at Adriatica. |
| 149 | What is with all the sun-dried tomatoes at that place? |
| 150 | I know. What is this, 1985? |
| 151 | That's exactly what I said. |
| 152 | Phoebe, isn't that strange? |
| 153 | Not really. |
| 154 | What's wrong with sun-dried tomatoes? |
| 155 | On a barbecue chicken pizza? |
| 156 | No? |
| 157 | So, Don, wh-what other |
| 158 | restaurants do you like? |
| 159 | Well, Octovio, 27 and 7. |
| 160 | Oh, there's this great little place, Alessandro's. |
| 161 | Oh, my God, that's my restaurant. |
| 162 | I'm the chef there. |
| 163 | You're kidding me. No. |
| 164 | Y-Your food is fantastic. |
| 165 | Wow, I really want to talk to you about your menu. |
| 166 | I'm just going to get some coffees first. |
| 167 | Um, anyone want anything? |
| 168 | Oh, I'd like a latte. |
| 169 | You know what, if you're going to talk about me |
| 170 | I'm going to go with you. |
| 171 | What are you doing?! |
| 172 | Nothing. |
| 173 | I swear to God, I didn't know you guys would be here. |
| 174 | The good news is, you don't even believe in soul mates, so... |
| 175 | I believe in tall, handsome strangers who hit on my wife. |
| 176 | They're just talking. |
| 177 | And you know what, just 'cause I think they're soul mates |
| 178 | doesn't mean anything's going to happen. |
| 179 | Phoebe? Huh? |
| 180 | Good work. Yeah? |
| 181 | Yeah, I mean, he's great. |
| 182 | I love him. |
| 183 | Don't worry, we'll find you someone else. |
| 184 | ( knocking ) |
| 185 | Hey. |
| 186 | Hey. |
| 187 | Look, I understand if you came by to hit me. |
| 188 | I deserve it. |
| 189 | No, I-I don't want to hit you. |
| 190 | Oh, what then? Kick me? |
| 191 | No. |
| 192 | Bite me? |
| 193 | No. No, I don't-I don't want to do anything to you. |
| 194 | I just want to tell you that I'm not mad at you, and... |
| 195 | and that I certainly do not hate you. |
| 196 | I just came here to say that. |
| 197 | Hey, wait, Ross, Ross. |
| 198 | You want-you want to come in for a beer or something? |
| 199 | I don't know. |
| 200 | Yeah, sure. |
| 201 | You, uh, you got any beer? |
| 202 | All-all I got is this, uh, melon stuff |
| 203 | that Rachel left. |
| 204 | Okay. |
| 205 | Hey, look, Ross, you need to understand something, okay. |
| 206 | I, uh... |
| 207 | I am never going to act on this Rachel thing, okay? |
| 208 | I-I wouldn't want to do anything |
| 209 | to jeopardize my friendship with you. |
| 210 | Thank you. |
| 211 | Mmm. |
| 212 | ( groans ) |
| 213 | ( groans ) |
| 214 | Anyway, it, uh... |
| 215 | Look, it-it'll just... |
| 216 | take me a while to get over her, that's all. |
| 217 | I'm not even sure how to do that. |
| 218 | I mean, I've never been in love before |
| 219 | so... |
| 220 | What? You're...? ( sighs ) |
| 221 | You're in love with her? |
| 222 | Well, yeah. |
| 223 | I thought you knew that. |
| 224 | Um, no. |
| 225 | Well, hey, look, if-if it helps |
| 226 | I don't want to feel this way. |
| 227 | Honest. |
| 228 | I just keep thinking |
| 229 | "Aah, I'll get over this, you know." |
| 230 | But... God, it just keeps getting harder, and I... |
| 231 | I don't... I don't know what to do, you know. |
| 232 | I don't... What do I do? |
| 233 | I think you-you need to tell her how you feel. |
| 234 | Okay, that's the green stuff talking. |
| 235 | No, I'm serious. |
| 236 | You... you need to find out where she is |
| 237 | because if she's not where you are |
| 238 | then you can start to move past this. |
| 239 | But what if, uh... |
| 240 | and I'm not saying she will be... |
| 241 | If-if she is where you are, then, uh... |
| 242 | then my feeling weird about it shouldn't stand in the way. |
| 243 | Are you sure? |
| 244 | Yeah. |
| 245 | Look, if-if she's going to end up with somebody else |
| 246 | the truth is, she couldn't find a better guy, so... |
| 247 | Hey, thanks. |
| 248 | So when do you think you're going to talk to her? |
| 249 | Oh, my God, I have to tell her. |
| 250 | I haven't even thought about what I would say. |
| 251 | What should I say? |
| 252 | I'm understanding, but let's not get carried away. |
| 253 | Right, right. Sorry, sorry. |
| 254 | ( sighs ): What am I going to say? |
| 255 | Oh! |
| 256 | Yeah, tell me about it. |
| 257 | So, I've been slowly phasing out the wine importing |
| 258 | and focusing more on the, um, cheese side of things. |
| 259 | Cheese, you say? |
| 260 | That's some pretty smelly work, huh, Don? |
| 261 | Excuse me? |
| 262 | Cheese, it's... smelly. |
| 263 | You must smell a lot of the time, too. |
| 264 | Uh, not really. |
| 265 | But when it comes to cheese, I'm one of those people |
| 266 | who thinks the smellier, the better. |
| 267 | Me, too. |
| 268 | Yeah, Chandler can't stand it. |
| 269 | He won't even allow me to have blue cheese in the house. |
| 270 | And you're still married to him? |
| 271 | ( laughing ) |
| 272 | ( feigns laughter ) |
| 273 | You know what I'd love to do? |
| 274 | Hmm? |
| 275 | I would like to go to France |
| 276 | and eat nothing but bread and cheese. |
| 277 | Hmm! |
| 278 | No, not even bread. Just cheese. |
| 279 | Hmm. |
| 280 | No, I want the bread, yeah. |
| 281 | And pastries. |
| 282 | Mmm... |
| 283 | And paté. |
| 284 | Oh, I'm really not high. |
| 285 | It's just that I used to be fat. |
| 286 | Oh! Well, if ever you're in the Loire Valley, let me know. |
| 287 | I've got a great little villa you could stay at. |
| 288 | Is it made of cheese? |
| 289 | No. |
| 290 | But God, a house made of cheese! |
| 291 | Wouldn't that be incredible? |
| 292 | I'd move in tomorrow. |
| 293 | Oh, come on! |
| 294 | Are you listening to this? |
| 295 | I'm so sorry. |
| 296 | What do I do? |
| 297 | I don't know. |
| 298 | They both want to live in a house of cheese. |
| 299 | I don't know how you fight that. |
| 300 | Okay, okay. I can do this. |
| 301 | I can tell her how I feel. |
| 302 | Just, uh... |
| 303 | Okay, stand up straight. |
| 304 | Take a couple deep breaths. |
| 305 | ( exhaling ) |
| 306 | Look confident. |
| 307 | Oh! |
| 308 | Geez! |
| 309 | Oh, Joey! Hey. |
| 310 | What's up? |
| 311 | I, uh... |
| 312 | I just came by because I-I want to talk to you about something. |
| 313 | Okay. What's up? |
| 314 | Here? In the hall? |
| 315 | What are we, animals? |
| 316 | Oh, well, honey, I'm late for a meeting |
| 317 | so could you just make it quick? |
| 318 | Yeah, okay, um, I just came by to tell you that... |
| 319 | I... want to have dinner with you tonight. |
| 320 | That's all. |
| 321 | Sure. Sounds great. |
| 322 | Just leave me a message |
| 323 | and tell me where to meet you, okay? |
| 324 | Okay... Great. |
| 325 | Okay. That's good. Yeah. |
| 326 | Okay, that gives you a couple of hours |
| 327 | to prepare what you're going to say. |
| 328 | Good, yeah. |
| 329 | Oh! |
| 330 | Don't you people ever knock? |
| 331 | I'd like to have Don and Phoebe over. |
| 332 | Wouldn't that be nice? |
| 333 | Sure. Why don't you set it up? |
| 334 | I'll just be over here, browsing through the personals. |
| 335 | Are you okay? |
| 336 | You've been acting weird all afternoon. |
| 337 | Yeah, fine, fine. |
| 338 | Not perfect! |
| 339 | But good enough. |
| 340 | Geez, what is with you? |
| 341 | I'm sorry. |
| 342 | Did you say "cheese"? |
| 343 | All right, what's going on? |
| 344 | Phoebe thinks that you and Don are soul mates. |
| 345 | And I don't believe in that kind of stuff |
| 346 | but then you two totally get along. |
| 347 | So look, I won't stand in your way |
| 348 | if you want to run off with Don |
| 349 | and live in a house of cheese. |
| 350 | Chandler, you don't believe in soul mates? |
| 351 | No, but I'm sure "to-mah-toes" does. |
| 352 | I don't believe in soul mates, either. |
| 353 | You don't? |
| 354 | No. |
| 355 | I don't think that you and I |
| 356 | were destined to end up together. |
| 357 | I think that we fell in love |
| 358 | and we work hard at our relationship. |
| 359 | Some days, we work really hard. |
| 360 | So, you don't want to live with Don in a cheese house? |
| 361 | No, I've had second thoughts about that. |
| 362 | Do you realize how hard that would be to clean? |
| 363 | I love you. |
| 364 | I know. |
| 365 | You know what? |
| 366 | I'm going to take you out to dinner tonight. |
| 367 | I found this place that makes the greatest |
| 368 | mozzarella sticks and jalapeno poppers. |
| 369 | No? Really? They taste so good. |
| 370 | I mean, I know Chandler was kidding |
| 371 | but it happens every time he touches my stomach. |
| 372 | I mean, I'm really worried |
| 373 | the baby's not going to like him. |
| 374 | Are you okay? |
| 375 | Well, yeah, sure. |
| 376 | Uh... |
| 377 | Look, the, uh, the reason... |
| 378 | Is it hot in here? |
| 379 | No, not for me. |
| 380 | But why don't you take off your sweater? |
| 381 | I would, but this is a nice place |
| 382 | and my T-shirt has a picture |
| 383 | of Calvin doing Hobbes. |
| 384 | Oh, my God! |
| 385 | Really? |
| 386 | Can I see it? |
| 387 | Yeah, sure. Yeah. |
| 388 | Huh! |
| 389 | Wow, I wouldn't think Hobbes would like that so much. |
| 390 | Uh... |
| 391 | How long have we known each other? |
| 392 | Um... seven, eight... |
| 393 | eight years. |
| 394 | Wow. |
| 395 | Uh-huh. Long time. |
| 396 | Yeah. |
| 397 | But over the past few weeks... |
| 398 | I... |
| 399 | Okay! |
| 400 | ( sighs ): Sorry about the wait |
| 401 | but it is megajammed in here. |
| 402 | We have a couple specials tonight. |
| 403 | Actually, uh, could you give us a second? |
| 404 | Sure. Sure. |
| 405 | Second's up. |
| 406 | Not... that kind of table. |
| 407 | ( Rachel clears her throat ) |
| 408 | So, you were saying? |
| 409 | I'm not quite sure. |
| 410 | Okay, well, you had asked me how long we knew each other |
| 411 | and I said eight years. |
| 412 | And then the, um, waiter came over |
| 413 | and cut his tip in half. |
| 414 | And, um, now here we are. |
| 415 | Yeah. |
| 416 | Here we are. |
| 417 | Uh... |
| 418 | I... |
| 419 | I think I'm falling in love with you. |
| 420 | What? |
| 421 | I'm falling in love with you. |
| 422 | Who you talking to? |
| 423 | Oh, you're kidding. |
| 424 | Oh, it's a joke. |
| 425 | ( silverware clanging ) |
| 426 | Oh, that's funny. It's funny. |
| 427 | I don't get it. |
| 428 | Oh. |
| 429 | Okay. |
| 430 | Um... |
| 431 | Uh, wow. |
| 432 | Are you, um...? |
| 433 | How did, um...? |
| 434 | When? |
| 435 | Does it really matter? |
| 436 | Wow, wow, wow. |
| 437 | Wow, it is hot in here. |
| 438 | Okay, look, look, Rach, I know this is a lot, okay? |
| 439 | You don't have to say anything. |
| 440 | You-you, uh... |
| 441 | You take as much time as you need. |
| 442 | Okay, you got to say something. |
| 443 | Joey, Joey... |
| 444 | I love you so much. |
| 445 | But I... |
| 446 | But... |
| 447 | Joey? |
| 448 | Yeah, right. |
| 449 | Hey, that's, um... |
| 450 | That's okay. That's fine. |
| 451 | That's, um... |
| 452 | pretty much what I was expecting, you know. |
| 453 | So, uh, it's no big deal, all right? |
| 454 | I think I'm going to go. |
| 455 | No! Yeah. |
| 456 | No, Joey, please, don't... |
| 457 | Please don't leave like this. Now, come on. |
| 458 | ( sobbing ): You cannot do this to a pregnant woman. |
| 459 | Don't start doing that. |
| 460 | You can't do that, Rach |
| 461 | ( sobbing ): 'cause then you're going to make me do... |
| 462 | And... oh, there we go! |
| 463 | Can I...? |
| 464 | Oh... |
| 465 | Aw, Joey, honey |
| 466 | I don't want... I don't want to lose... |
| 467 | Hey, hey, hey, hey. |
| 468 | You can't, okay? |
| 469 | Ever. |
| 470 | I'm so sorry. |
| 471 | No, no, no, Rach. |
| 472 | Please, don't be sorry. |
| 473 | Okay? |
| 474 | Don't be sorry. |
| 475 | ( sniffles ) |
| 476 | ( sighs ) |
| 477 | ( whispers ): It's all right. |
| 478 | You know what? I was only kidding. |
| 479 | ( giggles ) |
| 480 | Yeah, that was a real good one. |
| 481 | Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org |
| 482 | Is this your table? |
| 483 | Yeah. |
| 484 | God, you're going to be here |
| 485 | all night. I know. |
| 486 | I haven't even read them the specials yet. |
| 487 | What's the matter with them? |
| 488 | ( sighing ): I don't know. |
| 489 | I think maybe one of them is dying. |
| 490 | Man... |
| 491 | Hmm, I kind of hope it's the girl. |
| 492 | The guy is really cute. |
| 493 | |
| 1 | Joey? |
| 2 | Are you in there? |
| 3 | God, that's Rachel! |
| 4 | Joey, you have to talk to her. |
| 5 | Oh, no, I can't, I can't. |
| 6 | Not after the other night. |
| 7 | It's too weird, okay? |
| 8 | Don't tell her I'm here. |
| 9 | Don't eat that! |
| 10 | Hi. Hey, Rachel. |
| 11 | Is Joey here? |
| 12 | I don't see him. Do you see him? |
| 13 | I don't see him. |
| 14 | Hey, maybe he's in the sugar bowl. |
| 15 | Joey? No. |
| 16 | ( both laugh ) |
| 17 | Well, at least you make each other laugh. |
| 18 | What's up? |
| 19 | Well, I haven't seen him |
| 20 | since the night that he told me how he, you know... |
| 21 | I don't know, I think he's avoiding me. |
| 22 | Why is that bagel on the floor? |
| 23 | We were playing a game. |
| 24 | Ew, was Chandler naked? |
| 25 | Sort of like a ring-toss kind of situation? |
| 26 | Sure. |
| 27 | What? No... no! |
| 28 | All right, well, listen, if you see Joey |
| 29 | will you just tell him that, uh... I miss him. |
| 30 | ( door closes ) |
| 31 | Okay, did you hear that? |
| 32 | Yeah, that naked bagel game? |
| 33 | Dude, I don't know. |
| 34 | That's a pretty small hole. |
| 35 | Honey, you've got to talk to her. |
| 36 | I can't. |
| 37 | You guys don't know what it's like |
| 38 | to put yourself out there like that |
| 39 | and then just get shot down. |
| 40 | I don't know what that's like? |
| 41 | Up until I was 25 |
| 42 | I thought the only response to "I love you" |
| 43 | was, "Oh, crap." |
| 44 | And hello-- |
| 45 | no rejection? |
| 46 | I got shot down at fat camp. |
| 47 | Boy, kids are mean when they're hungry. |
| 48 | All right, so what do I do? |
| 49 | This is Rachel. |
| 50 | What are you going to do-- never talk to her again? |
| 51 | I know it's weird, it's awkward |
| 52 | but you got to at least try. |
| 53 | Yeah, okay. |
| 54 | Whoa! Almost forgot this was on your... |
| 55 | We didn't play it! |
| 56 | ♪ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ♪ |
| 57 | ♪ Your job's a joke, you're broke ♪ |
| 58 | ♪ Your love life's D.O.A. ♪ |
| 59 | ♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪ |
| 60 | ♪ When it hasn't been your day, your week ♪ |
| 61 | ♪ Your month, or even your year ♪ |
| 62 | ♪ But I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 63 | ♪ 'Cause you're there for me, too. ♪ |
| 64 | Okay, so when you're done with your tea |
| 65 | I'll look at the leaves and tell you your fortune. |
| 66 | I didn't know you read tea leaves. |
| 67 | Oh, yeah. I've done it for years. |
| 68 | I actually stopped because I was so accurate. |
| 69 | You know and... you know |
| 70 | one of the great joys of life |
| 71 | is its wondrous unpredictability, you know. |
| 72 | And also tea tends to give me the trots. |
| 73 | Okay, I'm done. Read mine. |
| 74 | Okay... Ooh. |
| 75 | I see a ladder... |
| 76 | which can mean either a promotion |
| 77 | or a violent death. |
| 78 | I'm a head chef. |
| 79 | I can't get promoted. |
| 80 | Mm-hmm, Mm-hmm... who's next? |
| 81 | Okay, I'm done. |
| 82 | Do mine. |
| 83 | Okay. |
| 84 | Um... oh, okay. |
| 85 | I see a circle. |
| 86 | Oh, which can either mean you're having a baby |
| 87 | or you're going to make a scientific discovery. |
| 88 | Well, I have been spending a lot of time in the lab. |
| 89 | What does yours say, Pheebs? |
| 90 | Well, all right. |
| 91 | Wow... yay! |
| 92 | Oh, I'm going to meet a guy! |
| 93 | And really soon! |
| 94 | And he's going to be the man of my dreams. |
| 95 | Probably not the guy I had a dream about last night. |
| 96 | Hey, has anyone seen my shirt? |
| 97 | It's button-down, like a faded salmon color. |
| 98 | You mean your pink shirt? |
| 99 | Faded salmon color. |
| 100 | No, I haven't seen your pink shirt. |
| 101 | Great, great. |
| 102 | I must have left it at Mona's. |
| 103 | I knew it. |
| 104 | I'm sure you can get another one at Ann Taylor's. |
| 105 | That's my favorite shirt, okay? |
| 106 | I love that shirt. |
| 107 | Just ask Mona to give it back. |
| 108 | I don't know. |
| 109 | I mean, I guess I could. |
| 110 | It's just, we didn't really end things on such good terms. |
| 111 | And if I went over there |
| 112 | I'd be ignoring the one thing she asked me to do |
| 113 | when we broke up: jump up my own ass and die. |
| 114 | Oh, wait a second, you guys. |
| 115 | For the last couple of weeks |
| 116 | I've been seeing that guy everywhere I go. |
| 117 | We take the same bus, we go to the same bookstores |
| 118 | same dry cleaners... |
| 119 | May be he's the tea guy. |
| 120 | Pheebs, did you see that? |
| 121 | He totally checked you out and he is so cute! |
| 122 | Mine is a picture of the Village People. |
| 123 | What does that mean? |
| 124 | Hi. |
| 125 | Hey. |
| 126 | Hi. |
| 127 | Hi. |
| 128 | Tea gives Phoebe the trots. |
| 129 | So, I thought Joey and I |
| 130 | would be okay once we hung out |
| 131 | but it's like we don't even know |
| 132 | how to be with each other anymore. |
| 133 | I know it's tough now, but things'll get better. |
| 134 | How do you know that? |
| 135 | What if it just gets worse and worse and worse |
| 136 | to the point where |
| 137 | we can't even be in the same room with each other? |
| 138 | I'm not great at the advice. |
| 139 | Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment? |
| 140 | Some cheese? |
| 141 | Honey... |
| 142 | why is the Bruce Springsteen CD in the Cat Stevens case? |
| 143 | Let's just say if I can't find the right CD case |
| 144 | I just put it in the nearest one. |
| 145 | Okay, well, where is the Cat Stevens CD? |
| 146 | In the James Taylor case. |
| 147 | Where's the James Taylor CD? |
| 148 | Honey, I'm going to save you some time. |
| 149 | 200 CDs, not one of them in the right case. |
| 150 | Okay, no need to panic. |
| 151 | Deep breaths everyone. |
| 152 | Okay, um, we're just going to have to spend some time |
| 153 | and put the CDs in the right cases. |
| 154 | Then we should come up with some kind of order. |
| 155 | You know, like alphabetically or by genre. |
| 156 | Mmm, I don't know. I think we're going |
| 157 | to have to talk this through. |
| 158 | Oh, my God, you guys have such problems. |
| 159 | I feel so terrible for you. |
| 160 | Okay, I-I'm sorry. |
| 161 | Look, you and Joey |
| 162 | you're both focusing on this uncomfortable thing. |
| 163 | What you need to do is change the subject. |
| 164 | Next time you see him |
| 165 | try to get him talking about something else. |
| 166 | Oh, yeah, that makes sense. |
| 167 | Yeah, like, I don't know maybe you have |
| 168 | a work problem that you need his advice on. |
| 169 | Ooh, I could do that. Good. |
| 170 | I could do that. |
| 171 | Honey, the Miami Vice soundtrack? Really? |
| 172 | They were just giving those away at the store. |
| 173 | In exchange for money. |
| 174 | Hey. |
| 175 | Hi. |
| 176 | I really don't know what to tell you, Rach. |
| 177 | I really don't. |
| 178 | I mean, maybe Joey could help you out |
| 179 | with your big work problem. |
| 180 | What? |
| 181 | Yeah, Joey, she's... |
| 182 | Rachel's got this really big work problem. |
| 183 | It is a head-scratcher. |
| 184 | Wow, you know what? |
| 185 | If we're going to make dinner |
| 186 | we're going to have to leave. Yeah. |
| 187 | So, you, uh, have a big work problem? |
| 188 | Yeah, it's, um... |
| 189 | Yeah... it's, uh... |
| 190 | It's noth... you know, it's nothing. |
| 191 | Oh, okay. |
| 192 | So, uh, I think I'm going to take off. |
| 193 | No, wait, Joey, no, wait. |
| 194 | It is. It's something. |
| 195 | It's-it's, um... |
| 196 | It's my boss. |
| 197 | Yeah? |
| 198 | Yeah, and, um... |
| 199 | and my baby. |
| 200 | Yeah? |
| 201 | My boss wants to buy my baby. |
| 202 | What? |
| 203 | Oh, my... oh, my God. |
| 204 | I know, I told you it's a really big problem. |
| 205 | What... he wants to buy your baby? |
| 206 | Can you believe that? |
| 207 | That's crazy. |
| 208 | That's what I told him. |
| 209 | Okay, how did this even happen? |
| 210 | Well, I'll tell you... |
| 211 | See, my-my boss and, uh... |
| 212 | and his wife, they can't have children |
| 213 | so, um, and then when we were at the Christmas party |
| 214 | and he got drunk and he said to me |
| 215 | "Rachel, I want to buy your baby." |
| 216 | Man. When you said it was a problem |
| 217 | about your boss and the baby |
| 218 | I figured it was something about maternity leave. |
| 219 | Oh... yeah... |
| 220 | Yeah, that would have been a much simpler problem. |
| 221 | Oh, hello. Oh. |
| 222 | It's you. |
| 223 | I see you everywhere. |
| 224 | Mm-hmm. |
| 225 | I'm Jim. Jim Nelson. |
| 226 | Oh, Jim-Jim Nelson, I'm Phoebe-Phoebe Buffay. |
| 227 | We certainly have been seeing |
| 228 | a lot of each other lately. |
| 229 | We have. |
| 230 | Maybe we'll be seeing each other |
| 231 | at dinner tomorrow night. |
| 232 | Say around 8:00? |
| 233 | Well, maybe we will. |
| 234 | Oh! |
| 235 | Mona? |
| 236 | ( falsetto yelp ) |
| 237 | Okay, if I were a salmon shirt, where would I be? |
| 238 | ( keys rattling ) |
| 239 | I am so sorry I spilled wine all over your shirt. |
| 240 | Oh, it's okay. |
| 241 | No, it's still wet. You know what? |
| 242 | Let me get it out before it sets. |
| 243 | Oh, I have something you could wear. |
| 244 | Here. |
| 245 | Oh, uh... |
| 246 | I don't know if I want to wear a woman's shirt. |
| 247 | No, no, that's a man's shirt. |
| 248 | Awfully pink. |
| 249 | Oh, my God, honey |
| 250 | we are so meant to be together. |
| 251 | Look, we both have copies of the Annie soundtrack. |
| 252 | Honey, both yours. |
| 253 | Hey, great advice on that Joey thing. |
| 254 | Yeah? The work problem? |
| 255 | Oh, it was perfect. |
| 256 | I mean, it really felt like he was my friend again. |
| 257 | What problem did you tell him you have? |
| 258 | Oh, that's-that's not important. |
| 259 | The point is, I really... |
| 260 | I think everything's going to be okay. |
| 261 | May I help you? |
| 262 | You think you can just buy my friend's baby? |
| 263 | Isn't it funny |
| 264 | how we kept running into each other? |
| 265 | It's as if someone really wants us to be together. |
| 266 | Someone does. |
| 267 | Me. |
| 268 | Ooh, witty banter. Well done. |
| 269 | Thank you. |
| 270 | So tell me a little bit about yourself. |
| 271 | Oh, okay. |
| 272 | Well, I'm a masseuse. |
| 273 | And I used to work at this place... |
| 274 | Do you like to... party? |
| 275 | I... I... I like parties. |
| 276 | You're wild, aren't you? |
| 277 | I gue... Yeah, I guess a little. |
| 278 | That ain't no thing. |
| 279 | I'm wild, too. |
| 280 | So, um, anyway... |
| 281 | I-I I've lived in New York somewhat wildly, I guess |
| 282 | for, um... well, since I was 14. |
| 283 | I'm sorry. I'm staring. |
| 284 | It's just that you have the most beautiful eyes. |
| 285 | Oh, stop it. |
| 286 | And your breasts... Mm! |
| 287 | Okay, look, you're coming on a little strong. |
| 288 | But I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt |
| 289 | because it seems the universe really wants us to be together. |
| 290 | So why don't we just start over, okay? |
| 291 | You can just tell me about yourself. |
| 292 | All right. |
| 293 | Okay. |
| 294 | I write erotic novels... |
| 295 | for children. |
| 296 | What? |
| 297 | They're wildly unpopular. |
| 298 | Oh, my God. |
| 299 | Oh, also |
| 300 | you might be interested to know that I have a PhD. |
| 301 | Wow, you do? |
| 302 | Yep, a pretty huge... |
| 303 | All right. |
| 304 | ♪ The sun will come out tomorrow ♪ |
| 305 | ♪ Bet... your bottom dollar that tomorrow... ♪ |
| 306 | ( with manly voice ): ♪ There'll be sun. ♪ |
| 307 | Hey. |
| 308 | ALL: Hey. |
| 309 | Oh, Joey, hey, listen |
| 310 | thank you for talking to me yesterday |
| 311 | about that thing with my boss. |
| 312 | That really meant a lot. |
| 313 | Not a problem. |
| 314 | Oh, and just so you know |
| 315 | that guy's not going to be bothering you |
| 316 | about that baby thing anymore. |
| 317 | What? |
| 318 | Let's just say I took care of it. |
| 319 | Oh, let's say more. |
| 320 | What? Don't worry. Don't worry. |
| 321 | I just told him, very nicely |
| 322 | you don't go buying people's babies |
| 323 | so back off. |
| 324 | What?! |
| 325 | What?! What?! |
| 326 | No, no, no, no, no. |
| 327 | Joey, he doesn't want to buy my baby. |
| 328 | I made that up. |
| 329 | What?! |
| 330 | Why? |
| 331 | So that we would have something to talk about. |
| 332 | So it wouldn't be awkward. |
| 333 | And you couldn't think of anything else? |
| 334 | You said your boss wants to buy your baby? |
| 335 | I can't believe you yelled at my boss. |
| 336 | I'm going to lose my job. |
| 337 | What am I going to do? |
| 338 | You could always sell your baby. |
| 339 | Joey, I cannot believe you brought |
| 340 | my boss into this. |
| 341 | I'm going to get fired. |
| 342 | You lied to me. |
| 343 | Well, she told me to. |
| 344 | Chandler has two copies of Annie. |
| 345 | Huh. |
| 346 | Oh, my God! |
| 347 | Ross! |
| 348 | Hello! |
| 349 | Ross, what are you doing? |
| 350 | Not touching myself |
| 351 | if that makes anyone less uncomfortable. |
| 352 | ( knocking ) |
| 353 | Good morning. |
| 354 | You wanted to see me? |
| 355 | Please, come in. |
| 356 | Have a seat. |
| 357 | Okay, look, Mr. Zelner... |
| 358 | Oh, I think it's best that I speak first. |
| 359 | I've asked Lee from Human Resources |
| 360 | to be here as a witness to our conversation. |
| 361 | Oh, God. |
| 362 | If I in any way implied |
| 363 | that I wanted to buy your baby... |
| 364 | I am sorry, okay? |
| 365 | Last week when I asked you when your due date was |
| 366 | I certainly did not mean |
| 367 | that I felt that I was due your baby. |
| 368 | Yeah, I want to be |
| 369 | very clear that I understand |
| 370 | that it's your baby |
| 371 | and that it's not mine to purchase. |
| 372 | Well, as long as we are clear about that. |
| 373 | Oh, there it is. |
| 374 | That's not your regular dry cleaners. |
| 375 | I know, but that creep |
| 376 | I went on that date with goes there |
| 377 | so I had to find a new one. |
| 378 | I also have to find a new video store |
| 379 | a new bank, a new adult bookstore |
| 380 | a new grocery store... |
| 381 | What? |
| 382 | A new grocery store. |
| 383 | The universe said I was going to meet a nice guy |
| 384 | and that's what they gave me? |
| 385 | When I get up there |
| 386 | I'm going to kick some ass. |
| 387 | Don't worry, Phoebe. |
| 388 | You're going to meet the one. |
| 389 | If I can meet a great guy so can you. |
| 390 | Yeah, we both can. |
| 391 | And we both will. |
| 392 | Well, you didn't have to come in with me. |
| 393 | Are you kidding? |
| 394 | This is where they get out stains. |
| 395 | This is like Disneyland for me. |
| 396 | I'm going to be over here |
| 397 | watching "The Dance of the Clean Shirts. |
| 398 | Oh, excuse me. |
| 399 | I think you dropped... |
| 400 | Wow. |
| 401 | What? |
| 402 | I'm sorry, it's just |
| 403 | that you're so incredibly beautiful. |
| 404 | Oh, yeah, well, I'm sorry about that, too |
| 405 | but what are you going to do? |
| 406 | I hope you don't think I'm crazy |
| 407 | but I feel like I was meant to pick this up. |
| 408 | Do you believe in that kind of thing? |
| 409 | A little. |
| 410 | Now you're talking. |
| 411 | Would you like to go have a cup of coffee? |
| 412 | I'd-I'd love to. |
| 413 | Let me just tell my friend. |
| 414 | Ooh, an ink stain. |
| 415 | Hey, can I watch how you get this out? |
| 416 | She must have left. |
| 417 | Hi. |
| 418 | So, what happened? |
| 419 | It's all going to be okay. |
| 420 | They are just so happy that |
| 421 | I'm not suing them that they gave me |
| 422 | one extra month paid maternity leave. |
| 423 | So long as I understand |
| 424 | that the money should not be construed as a down payment |
| 425 | on this, or any other child that I may bear. |
| 426 | Wow, Ralph Lauren is really going out of their way |
| 427 | to show that they're not in the baby buying business. |
| 428 | Chandler, can you give us a minute? |
| 429 | Oh, I'm sorry. |
| 430 | You're going to kick me out |
| 431 | of my own living room? |
| 432 | Yeah. |
| 433 | I'll be in there. |
| 434 | ( clearing throat ) |
| 435 | Joey, I'm really sorry that I lied to you. |
| 436 | I was just trying to make things... |
| 437 | I know. |
| 438 | I know. |
| 439 | But it kind of worked. |
| 440 | I mean, you know, I don't know about you |
| 441 | but I haven't thought about our thing since all this. |
| 442 | Yeah, you're right. |
| 443 | Yeah, it's kind of been like us again |
| 444 | a little bit. |
| 445 | Yeah, I know. |
| 446 | I miss that. |
| 447 | Me, too. |
| 448 | I mean, I haven't thought at all |
| 449 | about how I put myself out there |
| 450 | and said all that stuff |
| 451 | and how you didn't feel the same way about me |
| 452 | and... and how it was... really awkward. |
| 453 | My gynecologist tried to kill me. |
| 454 | Item J-4-3-7-A. |
| 455 | Color-- winterberry. |
| 456 | ( knocking ) |
| 457 | Hi. |
| 458 | Um, listen, come here... come... |
| 459 | I'm so, so sorry about yesterday. |
| 460 | I'm really really sorry. |
| 461 | It's just I... |
| 462 | Listen, Ross, you don't have to apologize. |
| 463 | I understand why you were there. |
| 464 | You do? |
| 465 | Yeah. You still have feelings for me |
| 466 | and... and to be honest |
| 467 | I still have feelings for you too |
| 468 | and I wish we could work it out, Ross |
| 469 | but we can't. |
| 470 | It's too complicated with you |
| 471 | and Rachel and the baby. |
| 472 | I just... |
| 473 | It just wasn't meant to be. |
| 474 | Oh, God, you're right. |
| 475 | Ross, we... we have to be strong. |
| 476 | Mm-hmm. |
| 477 | Okay, I'm going to go. |
| 478 | Can I... to remember you? |
| 479 | No. |
| 480 | Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org |
| 481 | |
| 1 | Oh, Ross, Mon, is it okay if I bring someone |
| 2 | to your parents' anniversary party? |
| 3 | Sure. Sure, yeah. |
| 4 | Who's the guy? |
| 5 | Well, his name's Parker |
| 6 | and I met him at the dry cleaners. |
| 7 | Ooh, did he put a little starch in your bloomers? |
| 8 | Who said that? |
| 9 | No, he's really great, though. |
| 10 | He has this incredible zest for life. |
| 11 | And he treats me like a queen. |
| 12 | Except at night |
| 13 | when he treats me like the naughty girl I am. |
| 14 | Oh, by the way. |
| 15 | Would it be okay if I give the toast |
| 16 | to Mom and Dad this year? |
| 17 | Uh, yeah. You sure you want to |
| 18 | after what happened at their 20th? |
| 19 | Yeah, I'd really like to. |
| 20 | Okay. |
| 21 | Hopefully this time Mom won't boo you. |
| 22 | Yes! |
| 23 | Every year Ross makes a toast |
| 24 | and it's always really moving and always makes them cry. |
| 25 | Well this year, I'm going to make them cry. |
| 26 | And you, you wonder why Ross is their favorite? |
| 27 | No, really, anytime Ross makes a toast |
| 28 | everyone cries and hugs him and pats him on the back |
| 29 | and they all come up to me and say |
| 30 | "God, your brother." |
| 31 | You know what they're going to say this year? |
| 32 | "God, you." |
| 33 | Well, I can promise you at least one person will be crying. |
| 34 | You know, I'm an actor |
| 35 | and any actor worth his salt can cry on cue. |
| 36 | Really, you can do that? |
| 37 | Oh, are you kidding me? Watch. |
| 38 | Well, I can't do it with you guys watching me. |
| 39 | ♪ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ♪ |
| 40 | ♪ Your job's a joke, you're broke ♪ |
| 41 | ♪ Your love life's D.O.A. ♪ |
| 42 | ♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪ |
| 43 | ♪ When it hasn't been your day, your week ♪ |
| 44 | ♪ Your month, or even your year ♪ |
| 45 | ♪ But I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 46 | ♪ 'Cause you're there for me, too. ♪ |
| 47 | What are you doing? |
| 48 | Oh, I'm working on my toast for the party. |
| 49 | Or as I like to call it |
| 50 | "Sob-Fest 2002." |
| 51 | Hey, check this out. |
| 52 | It's a dog. |
| 53 | It's a dead dog. |
| 54 | That's Chi-Chi. |
| 55 | She died when I was in high school. |
| 56 | It's your parents anniversary and you're |
| 57 | going to talk about their dead pet? |
| 58 | It's good stuff, huh? |
| 59 | Hi. |
| 60 | Hey. |
| 61 | Aw, Joey, you got a present for my parents? |
| 62 | That's so sweet. |
| 63 | Yeah, yeah, look. |
| 64 | In honor of their 35th wedding anniversary |
| 65 | I had a star named after them. |
| 66 | Oh, that is so cool. |
| 67 | And |
| 68 | I got them a book on Kama Sutra for the elderly. |
| 69 | Hey, do you guys have any extra ribbon? |
| 70 | Oh, yeah, sure. What do you need? |
| 71 | We've got, uh, lace, satin, satiné, raffia |
| 72 | gingham, felt... |
| 73 | And I think my testicles may be in here, too. |
| 74 | Oh, Chi-Chi. |
| 75 | Oh, I love this dog. |
| 76 | You know, uh, Monica couldn't get braces |
| 77 | because Chi-Chi needed knee surgery. |
| 78 | Oh. |
| 79 | What? |
| 80 | You were the 200 pound 11-year-old who rode her. |
| 81 | Hey. |
| 82 | Everybody, this is Parker. |
| 83 | Parker, this... |
| 84 | No, no, wait, don't tell me. |
| 85 | Let me guess. |
| 86 | Joey, Monica |
| 87 | Ross, Rachel, and... |
| 88 | I'm sorry, Phoebe didn't mention you. |
| 89 | Chandler! I'm kidding. Already you're my favorite. |
| 90 | ( laughs ) |
| 91 | Why don't each of you |
| 92 | tell me a little bit about yourselves? |
| 93 | Uh, actually, I'm sorry. |
| 94 | We probably should get going. |
| 95 | ( laughs ) |
| 96 | Classic Ross. |
| 97 | Rachel |
| 98 | Rachel, look how you glow. |
| 99 | May I? |
| 100 | Well... I think you already are. |
| 101 | ( chuckles ) |
| 102 | Rachel, you have life growing inside you. |
| 103 | Is there anything in this world more miraculous |
| 104 | than... ooh, a picture of a dog. |
| 105 | Whose is this? |
| 106 | That's my old dog. |
| 107 | He passed away years ago. |
| 108 | Oh, well, at least you were lucky to have him. |
| 109 | Bow-wow, old friend. |
| 110 | Bow-wow. |
| 111 | So, where's the party? |
| 112 | It's out on the island. |
| 113 | It's in Massapequa. |
| 114 | Mmmm-assapequa. |
| 115 | It sounds like a magical place. |
| 116 | Tell me about Massapequa. |
| 117 | Is it steeped in Native American history? |
| 118 | Well, there is an Arby's in the shape of a tepee. |
| 119 | Okay, I've got my note cards. |
| 120 | Um, you got the presents? Yeah. |
| 121 | And I've got the car keys. |
| 122 | We're driving? Yeah. |
| 123 | Aces! |
| 124 | Ooh. |
| 125 | So, uh, he seems like a nice guy. |
| 126 | Yeah, yeah. |
| 127 | I like him a lot. |
| 128 | You want to hang back and take our own cab? |
| 129 | Yeah, otherwise, I'm not going. |
| 130 | Oh! |
| 131 | Hey! |
| 132 | You look so great. |
| 133 | Hey, Ma. |
| 134 | This is such a great party. |
| 135 | 35 years. |
| 136 | Very impressive. |
| 137 | Do you guys have any pearls of wisdom? |
| 138 | Jack? |
| 139 | Why would you serve food on such a sharp stick? |
| 140 | It's a good question, Dad. |
| 141 | It's a good question. |
| 142 | Congratulations, you two. |
| 143 | BOTH: Oh, thank you. |
| 144 | We're so excited. |
| 145 | And also, congratulations on your wedding. |
| 146 | What? |
| 147 | Can we talk to you for just a minute? |
| 148 | Yeah. |
| 149 | It's just a little thing. |
| 150 | While we think it's simply marvelous |
| 151 | that you're having this baby out of wedlock... |
| 152 | some of our friends are less open-minded. |
| 153 | Which is why we've told them all you're married. |
| 154 | BOTH: What?! |
| 155 | Thanks for going along with this. |
| 156 | Ma... |
| 157 | Dad, what? |
| 158 | We have to pretend that we're married?! |
| 159 | Son, I had to shave my ears for tonight. |
| 160 | You can do this. |
| 161 | Can you believe that? |
| 162 | Yeah, I know. |
| 163 | If you're going to do the ears |
| 164 | you may as well take a pass at the nosal area. |
| 165 | No, no. |
| 166 | I don't want to have to lie about us being married. |
| 167 | Oh, no, I know. I don't either. |
| 168 | But you know what, it's their party, and it's one night |
| 169 | and we don't even have to lie. |
| 170 | We just won't say anything. |
| 171 | If it comes up again, we'll just... |
| 172 | we'll smile, we'll nod along. |
| 173 | Ross. Rachel. |
| 174 | Hi, Aunt Lisa. |
| 175 | Uncle Dan. |
| 176 | Congratulations on the baby. |
| 177 | And on the wedding. |
| 178 | BOTH: Mm. |
| 179 | Here's a little something to get you started. |
| 180 | Oh. |
| 181 | So how's married life treating you? |
| 182 | Unbelievable. |
| 183 | Love marriage. |
| 184 | Great. |
| 185 | We'll see you later. |
| 186 | Hey. |
| 187 | Hey. Hey. |
| 188 | What a beautiful place. |
| 189 | What a great night. |
| 190 | I have to tell you |
| 191 | being here with all of you in Event Room C... |
| 192 | I feel so lucky. |
| 193 | To think of all the good times that have happened here: |
| 194 | the birthdays, the proms, the mitzvahs-- |
| 195 | both bar and bat. |
| 196 | But none of it will compare with tonight. |
| 197 | My God, I don't want to forget this moment. |
| 198 | It's like I want to take a mental picture of you all. |
| 199 | Click! |
| 200 | I don't think the flash went off. |
| 201 | ( laughs ) |
| 202 | I'm going to go find the men's room. |
| 203 | I'll be right back. I'll go with you. |
| 204 | Somewhere there is someone |
| 205 | with a tranquilizer gun and a huge butterfly net |
| 206 | looking for that man. |
| 207 | I have to go to the bathroom, too |
| 208 | but I don't want him complimenting my thing. |
| 209 | I'm so glad we weren't in the car. |
| 210 | Did he ever let up? |
| 211 | He called the Long Island Expressway |
| 212 | a concrete miracle. |
| 213 | ( groaning ) |
| 214 | ( mockingly ): This room, this night! |
| 215 | That waiter! |
| 216 | His shoes! |
| 217 | I must take a mental picture. |
| 218 | Oops, sorry. |
| 219 | Were you guys making fun of Parker? |
| 220 | That depends. |
| 221 | How much did you hear? |
| 222 | Well, he's a little enthusiastic. |
| 223 | What's wrong with that? |
| 224 | It's just, it's, it's so much. |
| 225 | Well, so what? I like him. |
| 226 | Do I make fun of the people that you've dated? |
| 227 | Tag? |
| 228 | Janice? Mona? |
| 229 | No, because friends don't do that. |
| 230 | But do you want my opinion? You want it? |
| 231 | 'Cause in my opinion, your collective dating record |
| 232 | reads like a "Who's Who" of human crap. |
| 233 | Oh, I feel terrible. |
| 234 | I know. |
| 235 | What was wrong with Mona? |
| 236 | Open it, open it, open it. |
| 237 | Yeah, baby. |
| 238 | So, we never got to hear about your wedding. |
| 239 | We were surprised we weren't invited. |
| 240 | Oh, no, no, no. |
| 241 | It was just our parents, and one or two fri... |
| 242 | It was a small wedding. |
| 243 | But it was beautiful. |
| 244 | I mean, it was small, but kind of spectacular. |
| 245 | Where did you have it? |
| 246 | On a cliff in Barbados. |
| 247 | At sunset. |
| 248 | And Stevie Wonder sang "Isn't She Lovely" |
| 249 | as I walked down the aisle. |
| 250 | Really? |
| 251 | Yeah, Stevie's an old family friend. |
| 252 | Oh, my God. |
| 253 | That sounds amazing. |
| 254 | I'd love to see pictures. |
| 255 | Yeah, so would I. |
| 256 | You wouldn't think that Annie Leibowitz |
| 257 | would forget to put film in the camera. |
| 258 | ( chuckles ) |
| 259 | Would you, would you excuse for a second? |
| 260 | Um, what are you doing? |
| 261 | What? I'm not you. |
| 262 | This may be the only wedding I ever have. |
| 263 | And I want it to be amazing. |
| 264 | Okay, okay... ooh! |
| 265 | Ooh, maybe I rode in on a Harley. |
| 266 | Okay, Ross, it has to be realistic. |
| 267 | Say, uh, are you okay? |
| 268 | You seem... kind of quiet. |
| 269 | No, I'm fine. |
| 270 | I'm great. I'm with you. |
| 271 | And I'm with you. |
| 272 | What a great time to be alive. |
| 273 | Look at this plate bouncy thing. |
| 274 | What an inspired solution to man's plate dispensing problems. |
| 275 | Mm-hmm, yeah. |
| 276 | Ah! |
| 277 | Oysters. |
| 278 | Let me feed you one. |
| 279 | Oh, that's not necessary. |
| 280 | Please. |
| 281 | No, actually, I don't... |
| 282 | I won't quit until you try one. |
| 283 | Okay, fine. Fine. |
| 284 | Mmm. Mm-hmm. |
| 285 | That was good. |
| 286 | What are they like? I've never had one. |
| 287 | Why don't you just try one? |
| 288 | Nah, they look too weird. |
| 289 | What are you doing? |
| 290 | Just going over my toast. |
| 291 | Those two will never know what hit them. |
| 292 | I can't wait. |
| 293 | They're going to be crying so hard |
| 294 | they'll be fighting for breath. |
| 295 | You know, if you want to |
| 296 | I can just hold them down |
| 297 | and you can just... |
| 298 | ( grunting ) |
| 299 | And my-my veil was lace |
| 300 | made by blind Belgian nuns. |
| 301 | Blind? |
| 302 | Well, not at first-- but it |
| 303 | was very intricate work |
| 304 | and they said even though |
| 305 | they lost their sight |
| 306 | it was all worth it. |
| 307 | I bet you looked beautiful. |
| 308 | Oh, well, I-I don't know about that |
| 309 | but there were some people that said |
| 310 | I looked like a floating angel. |
| 311 | How did you propose? |
| 312 | Oh! Yeah, that's a great story. |
| 313 | Well, um, actually I-I took her to the planetarium. |
| 314 | That's-that's where we had our first date. |
| 315 | Um, she walked in and I had the room filled with lilies |
| 316 | her favorite flower. |
| 317 | Oh, that is so sweet. |
| 318 | Ssh! I want to hear the rest! |
| 319 | Then Fred Astaire singing "The Way You Look Tonight" |
| 320 | came on the sound system |
| 321 | and the lights came down |
| 322 | and I-I got on one knee |
| 323 | and written |
| 324 | across the dome in the stars |
| 325 | were the words |
| 326 | "Will you marry me?" |
| 327 | ( group sighing ) |
| 328 | And the ring was the size of my fist. |
| 329 | Hey, uh, Phoebe... |
| 330 | look, um... |
| 331 | I want to apologize about before, okay? |
| 332 | We were being jerks. |
| 333 | Parker's a nice guy |
| 334 | and I'd like to get to know him. |
| 335 | Then you better do it now. Why? |
| 336 | I'm going to kill him. What? |
| 337 | You guys were right; he's just |
| 338 | too excited about everything. |
| 339 | I mean, I'm all for living life |
| 340 | but this is the Gellers' 35th anniversary, okay? |
| 341 | Let's call a spade a spade: this party stinks. |
| 342 | I know-- I'm having the worst time. |
| 343 | There was a 15-minute line for the buffet |
| 344 | and when I finally got up to the plates |
| 345 | I slipped on a giant booger. |
| 346 | Are you sure it wasn't an oyster? |
| 347 | I guess it could've been. |
| 348 | I didn't really look at it, you know? |
| 349 | I just wiped it on Chandler's coat |
| 350 | and got the hell out of there. |
| 351 | I just thought he was such a great guy. |
| 352 | I was so excited about him. |
| 353 | Well, hey, you know, you should be excited about him. |
| 354 | There's nothing wrong with him. He's a good guy. |
| 355 | You think? |
| 356 | Yeah, you know what I think? |
| 357 | I think we were all just being too negative. |
| 358 | You're right... you're right. |
| 359 | He's just embracing life. |
| 360 | We could all stand to be a little more like Parker. |
| 361 | You know what, I am like him. |
| 362 | I'm a sunny, positive person. |
| 363 | Uh, actually, you have a little bit of an edge. |
| 364 | What's that, now? |
| 365 | Oh, it's Parker. |
| 366 | Look... the bunny hop. |
| 367 | ( gasps ): Oh, I love it! |
| 368 | You do? |
| 369 | Are you kidding? |
| 370 | People acting like animals to music? Come on! |
| 371 | ( ringing glass ) |
| 372 | Okay, it's time for the toast. |
| 373 | I know that normally Ross gives the toast |
| 374 | but this year I'm going to do it. |
| 375 | ( audience groaning ) |
| 376 | No, no, it-it |
| 377 | it's going to be great, really. |
| 378 | Um, okay. |
| 379 | Um, Mom, Dad, uh, when I got married |
| 380 | one of the things that made me sure that I could do it |
| 381 | was the amazing example the two of you set for me. |
| 382 | For that, and for so many other things |
| 383 | I want to say thank you. |
| 384 | I know I probably don't say it enough, but... |
| 385 | I love you. |
| 386 | Uh... w-when I look around this room |
| 387 | I'm-I'm saddened by the thought |
| 388 | of those who could not be with us. |
| 389 | Nana, my beloved grandmother, who would so want to be here |
| 390 | but she can't... |
| 391 | because she's dead. |
| 392 | As... |
| 393 | is our dog, Chi-Chi. |
| 394 | Look how cute she is... was. |
| 395 | Do me a favor and pass this to my parents? |
| 396 | Remember, um, she's dead, okay? Her and Nana, gone. |
| 397 | Wow. |
| 398 | ( sighing ) |
| 399 | Um... |
| 400 | Hey-- |
| 401 | does anybody remember when Debra Winger |
| 402 | had to say good-bye to her children |
| 403 | in Terms of Endearment? |
| 404 | Didn't see that? |
| 405 | No movie fans? |
| 406 | Uh, y-you want to hear something sad? |
| 407 | Um, the other day I was watching 60 Minutes |
| 408 | and there was this piece on these orphans in Romania |
| 409 | who had been so neglected |
| 410 | that they were incapable of love. |
| 411 | You people are made of stone! |
| 412 | Here's to Mom and Dad. Whatever. |
| 413 | Thank you, Monica. That was, uh, interesting. |
| 414 | Wasn't that interesting, Jack? |
| 415 | Why don't I remember this dog? |
| 416 | Ross, why don't you give us your toast now? |
| 417 | Oh, no, Mom, it's just Monica this year. |
| 418 | You're not |
| 419 | going to say anything |
| 420 | on our 35th wedding anniversary? |
| 421 | No, of-of course. um... |
| 422 | Um, everybody? |
| 423 | ( clears throat): Um... |
| 424 | I-I just wanted to say |
| 425 | uh, on behalf of my new bride, Rachel... |
| 426 | and myself, um... |
| 427 | that if... |
| 428 | if in 35 years we're half as happy as you guys are |
| 429 | we'll count ourselves the luckiest people in the world. |
| 430 | ( crying ): Oh, Ross. |
| 431 | I just wish Nana were alive to hear Ross's toast. |
| 432 | My God |
| 433 | what a fantastically well-lit hallway. |
| 434 | Can I, um, get you something to drink? |
| 435 | Like a water and Valium? |
| 436 | I must say, you know |
| 437 | this apartment, it's-it's... |
| 438 | There are no words. |
| 439 | Oh, thank God. |
| 440 | It's a haven. |
| 441 | A third-floor paradise, a modern-day Eden |
| 442 | in the midst of... |
| 443 | Yeah, I know, I know, uh-huh. |
| 444 | I got you, oh, yeah. |
| 445 | Listen, let's, um... |
| 446 | Why don't we just sit and relax? |
| 447 | You know, just be with each other quietly? |
| 448 | Yeah. |
| 449 | That sounds great. |
| 450 | My God, this is the most comfortable couch |
| 451 | I've ever sat on in my entire life. |
| 452 | All right, let's try something else. |
| 453 | Let's play a game. |
| 454 | I love games. |
| 455 | Shocking. |
| 456 | Um, let's play the game of... |
| 457 | ( chuckling ): who can stay quiet the longest? |
| 458 | Ah... or Jenga. |
| 459 | Let's play this one first. |
| 460 | And remember, whoever talks first loses. |
| 461 | I lose, now Jenga. |
| 462 | Oh, my God, my God. |
| 463 | Is something wrong? |
| 464 | Wrong? Really, you know the word wrong? |
| 465 | Everything isn't perfect, everything isn't magical? |
| 466 | Everything isn't aglow |
| 467 | with the light of a million fairies? |
| 468 | They were just break lights, Parker! |
| 469 | Well, excuse me for putting a good spin on a traffic jam. |
| 470 | Okay, but-but, you don't have |
| 471 | to put a good spin on everything. |
| 472 | I'm sorry, that's who I am-- |
| 473 | I'm a positive person. |
| 474 | No. |
| 475 | I'm a positive person. |
| 476 | You are like Santa Claus on Prozac... |
| 477 | at Disneyland... getting laid. |
| 478 | So, what do you want me to do? |
| 479 | You want me to be more negative? |
| 480 | You want me to be less happy? |
| 481 | Be much less happy. |
| 482 | Fine. |
| 483 | Well, then to quote Ross, "I'd better be going." |
| 484 | So long. |
| 485 | Hey, don't let |
| 486 | the best door in the world |
| 487 | hit you in the ass on your way out. |
| 488 | ( knocking ) |
| 489 | Isn't this the most incredible fight you've ever had |
| 490 | in your entire life? |
| 491 | ( slams door ) |
| 492 | And then we could have gone from the ceremony |
| 493 | to the reception with you in the sidecar. |
| 494 | Ross, it just wouldn't have been feasible. |
| 495 | But having a dove place the ring on your finger |
| 496 | would have been no problem. |
| 497 | It was really fun being married to you tonight. |
| 498 | Yeah, and it was the easiest 400 bucks I ever made. |
| 499 | ( laughs ) |
| 500 | Okay, Ross, can I, um, can I ask you something? |
| 501 | Yeah. |
| 502 | That proposal at the planetarium? |
| 503 | I know |
| 504 | I know, it was stupid. |
| 505 | Are you kidding? |
| 506 | With the... with the lilies |
| 507 | and the song and the stars? |
| 508 | It was... |
| 509 | It was really wonderful. |
| 510 | You just make that up? |
| 511 | No. Actually, I thought about it |
| 512 | when we were going out. |
| 513 | That's how I imagined I would ask you to marry me. |
| 514 | Wow. |
| 515 | Well, that would have been... |
| 516 | that would have been very hard to say no to. |
| 517 | Well, it's a good thing I didn't do it |
| 518 | because it sounds like it would have been |
| 519 | a very expensive wedding. |
| 520 | ( laughs ) |
| 521 | Mmm. |
| 522 | Okay. |
| 523 | Good night. Good night. |
| 524 | Uh, even if the sidecar had a windscreen |
| 525 | so your hair wouldn't get messed up? |
| 526 | I will think about it. |
| 527 | That's all I'm asking. |
| 528 | Okay, that's it, I give up-- |
| 529 | at Mom and Dad's 40th anniversary |
| 530 | you're the one giving the speech. |
| 531 | You know, I don't understand why they didn't cry. |
| 532 | It was a beautiful speech. |
| 533 | Oh, come on. Hey-- |
| 534 | all that stuff you said about true love? |
| 535 | You were right. |
| 536 | I mean, we did learn a lot |
| 537 | from Mom and Dad. |
| 538 | And that picture of Chi-Chi |
| 539 | with her mischievous grin... |
| 540 | And what you said about Nana? |
| 541 | Oh, yeah, she really would have wanted |
| 542 | to be there. |
| 543 | And you know what? |
| 544 | I think she was. |
| 545 | Oh, good God, Ross-- how the hell do you do it? |
| 546 | Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org |
| 547 | |
| 1 | Hi. Hey. |
| 2 | So, I'm in my apartment doing |
| 3 | the Soap Opera Digest crossword puzzle |
| 4 | and guess who is the clue for three down? |
| 5 | Hmm, "Three, down-- |
| 6 | Days of Our Lives star 'blank' Tribbiani." |
| 7 | That's me! I'm "blank!" |
| 8 | Uh-huh. Hey. |
| 9 | How cool is this? We know three down. |
| 10 | I'm touching three down. |
| 11 | Yeah, you are, baby. |
| 12 | Three down knows I'm married. |
| 13 | What's three down doing? |
| 14 | Did they call you to tell you your name's going to be in this? |
| 15 | No. They really like me over there, though. |
| 16 | They wanted to do a big profile on me, but I said no. |
| 17 | Why'd you say no? |
| 18 | Remember what happened the last time |
| 19 | I did an interview for them? |
| 20 | I said I write a lot of my own lines |
| 21 | and then the writers got mad |
| 22 | and made my character fall down the elevator shaft? |
| 23 | So, who knows what I might say this time. |
| 24 | If only there was something in your head |
| 25 | to control the things you say. |
| 26 | Oh, come on |
| 27 | Joey, you will totally keep it in check this time. |
| 28 | And plus, the publicity |
| 29 | would be really good for your career. |
| 30 | And you deserve that. |
| 31 | And if you do the interview, you could mention... |
| 32 | oh, I don't know, "galpal Rachel Green"? |
| 33 | Is that "galpal" spelled L-O-S-E-R? |
| 34 | Don't listen to him. Please? |
| 35 | Fine, all right, I'll do it. |
| 36 | But hey-- you guys |
| 37 | have to be at the next table so you can stop me |
| 38 | if I, you know, start to say something stupid. |
| 39 | Just then, or-or all the time? |
| 40 | 'Cause we have jobs, you know? |
| 41 | Come on, we will be there for you the whole time. |
| 42 | Just remember, "galpal Rachel Green." |
| 43 | ( giggles ) |
| 44 | I'm going to be in Soap Opera Digest! |
| 45 | And not just in the dumb crossword puzzle. |
| 46 | Seriously, proud of you. |
| 47 | Yeah. |
| 48 | ♪ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ♪ |
| 49 | ♪ Your job's a joke, you're broke ♪ |
| 50 | ♪ Your love life's D.O.A. ♪ |
| 51 | ♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪ |
| 52 | ♪ When it hasn't been your day, your week ♪ |
| 53 | ♪ Your month, or even your year ♪ |
| 54 | ♪ But I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 55 | ♪ 'Cause you're there for me, too. ♪ |
| 56 | I really appreciate |
| 57 | you taking the time to do this. |
| 58 | Oh, not at all-- happy to do it. |
| 59 | Do you think we're being obvious? |
| 60 | No, we're just four people |
| 61 | with neck problems who talk like this. |
| 62 | I think it's great that you wanted to meet here. |
| 63 | You know, when most people hear |
| 64 | that the magazine is paying for it |
| 65 | they want to go to a big, fancy restaurant. |
| 66 | Actually, I didn't know the magazine was paying. |
| 67 | Wouldn't have mattered. |
| 68 | I'm doing this for the fans, not for the free food. |
| 69 | ( chuckling ) |
| 70 | Can I get you anything? |
| 71 | Um, I'll have a cup of coffee. |
| 72 | And, uh, I'll have all the muffins. |
| 73 | Hey. |
| 74 | Shh. We're not talking. |
| 75 | Oh, finally. |
| 76 | ( sighs ) |
| 77 | So, according to your bio |
| 78 | you've done quite a bit of work before Days of Our Lives. |
| 79 | Anything that you're particularly proud of? |
| 80 | ( with German accent ): ♪ All you vant is a dinkle ♪ |
| 81 | ♪ Vat you envy's a scwhang ♪ |
| 82 | ♪ A thing through which you can tinkle ♪ |
| 83 | ♪ Or play with, or simply let hang ♪ |
| 84 | ( piano interlude ) |
| 85 | Folks, this ever happen to you? |
| 86 | You go to the refrigerator |
| 87 | to get a nice glass of milk |
| 88 | but these darn cartons are so flingin' |
| 89 | flangin' hard to open! |
| 90 | Well, you said it, Mike. |
| 91 | Oh, oh. |
| 92 | There's got to be a better way. |
| 93 | And there is, Kevin. |
| 94 | This is his first time. |
| 95 | He's never used this product before. |
| 96 | You'll see how easy this is to do. Go ahead. |
| 97 | ( popping ) |
| 98 | This works in any milk carton. |
| 99 | Oh, it is easy. |
| 100 | Now I can have milk... every day. |
| 101 | ( audience oohs and ahs ) |
| 102 | So, this is it, Victor? |
| 103 | Yeah, I guess it is. |
| 104 | And so... |
| 105 | I'm going to get on this spaceship... |
| 106 | ( science fiction sound effects ) |
| 107 | ( engine revs ) |
| 108 | And I'm going to go to Blargon 7 |
| 109 | in search of alternative fuels. |
| 110 | But when I return... 200 years from now? |
| 111 | You'll be long gone. |
| 112 | But I won't have aged at all. |
| 113 | So you tell your great, great granddaughter |
| 114 | to look me up. |
| 115 | Because Adrian, baby... |
| 116 | I'm going to want to meet her. |
| 117 | ( science fiction sound effects ) |
| 118 | Shh, Shh. Okay, here I come, here I come. |
| 119 | See, I'm coming to fix the copier. |
| 120 | I can't get to the copier. |
| 121 | I'm thinking, "What do I do, what do I do?" |
| 122 | ( sounds of passion ) |
| 123 | So I just watch them have sex. |
| 124 | And then I say-- wait, here's my line. |
| 125 | JOEY: You know, that's bad for the paper tray. |
| 126 | Nice work, my friend. |
| 127 | Thank you. Wait, wait, wait, you see me again. |
| 128 | Hang on, the guy's butt's blocking me. |
| 129 | There I am. There I am. There I am. |
| 130 | Oh, well, there's so many things |
| 131 | it's hard to pick just one. |
| 132 | I'm going to get some coffee. |
| 133 | Does anyone want anything? |
| 134 | Oh, yeah, I'd actually love |
| 135 | a blueberry muffin, and a chamomile tea. |
| 136 | Uh, double latte, extra foam. |
| 137 | And a bagel with only a... |
| 138 | I was just being polite. |
| 139 | Okay, how about when you're not working? |
| 140 | What do you do in your spare time? |
| 141 | ( foghorn blows ) |
| 142 | Look at this clown. |
| 143 | Just because he got a bigger boat |
| 144 | he thinks he can take up the whole river. |
| 145 | Get out of the way, jackass! |
| 146 | Who names their boat Coast Guard, anyway? |
| 147 | That is the Coast Guard. |
| 148 | What are they doing out here? |
| 149 | The coast is all the way over there. |
| 150 | Hey. Check it out. |
| 151 | This is unbelievable. |
| 152 | Joey has been holding his breath |
| 153 | for almost four minutes. |
| 154 | Dude, what-- you trying to kill me? |
| 155 | Well, I see you've had a very productive day. |
| 156 | Don't you think the cowboy hat's a little much? |
| 157 | Come on, it's fun. |
| 158 | All right. |
| 159 | Isn't this a woman's hat? |
| 160 | Dude, stop talking crazy and make us some tea. |
| 161 | You know what? Huh? |
| 162 | We have to turn off the porn. |
| 163 | I think you're right. |
| 164 | ( moaning ) |
| 165 | All right, ready? |
| 166 | BOTH: One, two, three. |
| 167 | That's kind of nice. |
| 168 | Yeah, that's kind of a relief. |
| 169 | Yeah. |
| 170 | ( sighs ) |
| 171 | You want to see if we still have it? |
| 172 | Yeah. |
| 173 | Free porn! We have free porn! Yes! Yes! |
| 174 | In my spare time, I read to the blind |
| 175 | and I'm also a mento for kids. |
| 176 | A "mento?" |
| 177 | Yeah, you know, a mento-- a role model. |
| 178 | A "mento"? |
| 179 | Right. |
| 180 | Like the candy? |
| 181 | As a matter of fact, I do. |
| 182 | ( chuckles ) |
| 183 | Well, another thing that |
| 184 | our readers always want to know |
| 185 | is how soap stars stay in such great shape. |
| 186 | Do you have some kind of a fitness regime? |
| 187 | Uh, we stars usually just try to eat right |
| 188 | and get lots of exercise. |
| 189 | Wow, you realize we've been throwing this ball |
| 190 | without dropping it for, like, an hour? |
| 191 | Are you serious? |
| 192 | Yeah, I realized it a half hour ago |
| 193 | but I didn't want to say anything |
| 194 | because I didn't want to jinx it. |
| 195 | Oh. |
| 196 | Wow, we are pretty good at this. |
| 197 | Yeah. |
| 198 | Hey, we totally forgot about lunch. |
| 199 | I think that's the first time I've ever missed a meal. |
| 200 | Yeah-- I think my pants are a little loose. |
| 201 | What's wrong with you? |
| 202 | Well, I got this blinding pain in my stomach |
| 203 | when I was lifting weights before |
| 204 | and then I, uh, passed out. |
| 205 | And uh, haven't been able to stand up since. |
| 206 | ( chuckles ): But, uh, I don't think it's anything serious. |
| 207 | This sounds like a hernia. |
| 208 | You have to... you-you go to the doctor. |
| 209 | No way! Hey, look, if I'm going to go |
| 210 | to the doctor for anything, it's going to be |
| 211 | for this thing sticking out of my stomach! |
| 212 | Eww... |
| 213 | I'm going to have to start working out again. |
| 214 | Damn you fifteens! |
| 215 | What is it? It's a trifle. |
| 216 | It's got all of these layers. |
| 217 | First, there's a layer of ladyfingers |
| 218 | then a layer of jam. |
| 219 | Then custard... which I made from scratch. |
| 220 | Mmm. |
| 221 | Then raspberries, more ladyfingers |
| 222 | then beef sautéed with peas and onions |
| 223 | more custard... |
| 224 | It tastes like feet. |
| 225 | I like it. |
| 226 | Are you kidding? |
| 227 | What's not to like? Custard? Good. Jam? Good. |
| 228 | Meat? Good. |
| 229 | Well, you... you don't look good, Joe. |
| 230 | Well, the fridge broke, so I had to eat everything. |
| 231 | Cold cuts, ice cream, limes. |
| 232 | Hey, what was in that brown jar? |
| 233 | That's still in there? |
| 234 | Not anymore. |
| 235 | Hey, look. |
| 236 | There's a piece that doesn't have floor on it. |
| 237 | Stick to your side! |
| 238 | Come on, now. |
| 239 | All right, what are we having? |
| 240 | Uh, I don't believe in these crazy diets, you know? |
| 241 | Just everything in moderation. |
| 242 | Your muffins. |
| 243 | Uh... |
| 244 | I'll take those to go. |
| 245 | For the kids. ( chuckles ) |
| 246 | Oh, I know what I wanted to ask you. |
| 247 | You were on the show years ago |
| 248 | and then they killed you off. |
| 249 | What happened there? |
| 250 | Oh, it's so stupid. |
| 251 | I said some stuff in an interview |
| 252 | that I really shouldn't have said. |
| 253 | But believe me, that is not going to happen today. |
| 254 | ( laughter ) |
| 255 | Understood. |
| 256 | So, what'd you say back then? |
| 257 | Oh, I said that I... |
| 258 | ( all shouting at once ) |
| 259 | Hey, man, what's up? |
| 260 | What's happening? |
| 261 | Hi. |
| 262 | You guys, this is Shelly. |
| 263 | She's interviewing me for Soap Opera Digest. |
| 264 | Shelly, these are my friends. |
| 265 | Hi. I'm gal-pal Rachel Green. |
| 266 | Um, and, uh, if you want the dirt |
| 267 | I'm the one you come to. |
| 268 | This might be Joey's baby. Who knows? |
| 269 | ( laughing ): I'm just kidding. |
| 270 | Seriously, gal-pal, Rachel Green. |
| 271 | Who just lost the respect of her unborn child. |
| 272 | Um, I'm going to just go get this warmed up. |
| 273 | Okay. |
| 274 | Joey, you're doing great. |
| 275 | Yeah, so far, nothing stupid. |
| 276 | "Mento"? |
| 277 | No, thanks. |
| 278 | So, as Joey's friends |
| 279 | is there anything that you guys think our readers ought to know? |
| 280 | Uh, no, just, just that he is a great guy. |
| 281 | ( scoffs ): Yeah. |
| 282 | That's going to get you into Soap Opera Digest. |
| 283 | Well, I, well, oh... |
| 284 | I would just like to say that Joey truly has enriched |
| 285 | the days of our lives. |
| 286 | Um, I, I just think that you don't expect |
| 287 | someone so hot to be so sweet. |
| 288 | SHELLY: Ooh... |
| 289 | I like that. |
| 290 | Oh. What's your name? |
| 291 | Um, Phoebe Buffay. |
| 292 | How do you spell that? |
| 293 | So we can get it right. |
| 294 | Oh, okay, it's, um, "P" as in "Phoebe" |
| 295 | "H" as in "Heebee," "O" as in "O-bee" |
| 296 | "E" as in "Eebee" |
| 297 | "B" as in "Beebee" |
| 298 | and "E" as in "'Ello, there, mate." |
| 299 | SHELLY ( chuckling ): Great. |
| 300 | Well, it was nice meeting all of you. |
| 301 | Yeah, you, too. You, too. |
| 302 | JOEY: Thanks, you guys. |
| 303 | MONICA: Bye. |
| 304 | So it seems like you have a lot of friends. |
| 305 | Who would you say is your best friend? |
| 306 | JOEY: Ooh... |
| 307 | How come you have two? |
| 308 | Well, this one's for you. |
| 309 | Get out. |
| 310 | No, I can't. |
| 311 | No, no, listen |
| 312 | I know how much this means to you |
| 313 | and I also know that this is about more than just jewelry. |
| 314 | It's about you and me |
| 315 | and the fact that we're "best buds." |
| 316 | Wow. |
| 317 | Is this friendship? I think so. |
| 318 | Check it out. We're bracelet buddies. |
| 319 | That's what they'll call us. |
| 320 | ( TV plays ) |
| 321 | Oh! Joey... |
| 322 | I'm sorry. |
| 323 | Oh, it's all right. Don't worry about it. |
| 324 | Oh, no, but look. |
| 325 | Aah, that's going to leave a stain. |
| 326 | Rach, hey, it's fine. You're at Joey's. |
| 327 | Really? |
| 328 | Yeah, look. |
| 329 | Huh. |
| 330 | Yeah. |
| 331 | I've never lived like this before. |
| 332 | I know. |
| 333 | Whoo! |
| 334 | ( laughing ) |
| 335 | All right, well, don't waste it. |
| 336 | I mean, it's still food, jeez. |
| 337 | I've been feeling incredibly guilty about this |
| 338 | because I want to be a good friend |
| 339 | and damn it, I am a good friend |
| 340 | so just-just shut up and close your eyes. |
| 341 | Yeah, uh... |
| 342 | Wow. |
| 343 | You are a good friend. |
| 344 | Of course, the audition was this morning |
| 345 | and I didn't get it. |
| 346 | But that was a hell of a kiss. |
| 347 | Rachel is a very lucky girl. |
| 348 | Let's get the contestants out of their isolation booths. |
| 349 | And, they're off. |
| 350 | ( clucking ) Whoa. |
| 351 | Get your foot off my contestant. Judge. |
| 352 | Judge rules... |
| 353 | No violation. |
| 354 | Aw. |
| 355 | And the duck gets a Nutter Butter! |
| 356 | No! |
| 357 | Oh, hey, that's not a Nutter Butter. |
| 358 | That's just an old wanton. |
| 359 | Well, judge rules... |
| 360 | Nutter Butter. |
| 361 | Oh... |
| 362 | Tough call. Yeah. |
| 363 | I'd seen this thing on the Discovery Channel. |
| 364 | Wait a minute. I saw that |
| 365 | on the Discovery Channel. |
| 366 | Yeah, about jellyfish, and how if you... |
| 367 | Eww! |
| 368 | You peed on yourself? |
| 369 | Eww! Eww! |
| 370 | You can't say that. |
| 371 | You-you don't know! |
| 372 | I mean, I thought |
| 373 | I was going to pass out from the pain. |
| 374 | Anyway, I-I, I tried |
| 375 | but I-I couldn't... bend that way. |
| 376 | So? |
| 377 | Eww! Eww! Eww! |
| 378 | That's right, I stepped up. |
| 379 | She's my friend, and she needed help. |
| 380 | If I had to, I'd pee on any one of you. |
| 381 | Um, nope. No best friend, no. |
| 382 | Just, uh, a lot of close friends, yeah. |
| 383 | So, um, now back to the show... |
| 384 | How does it feel to have a huge gay fan base? |
| 385 | Really? |
| 386 | Me? |
| 387 | Wow. I don't even know any huge gay people. |
| 388 | It hurts me. It physically hurts me. |
| 389 | Now, off the record |
| 390 | you're not...? |
| 391 | What? Are you referring to my man's bag? |
| 392 | At first, I thought it just looked good |
| 393 | but it's practical, too. |
| 394 | Check it out. |
| 395 | It's got compartments for all your stuff. |
| 396 | Your wallet, your keys, your address book... |
| 397 | Your makeup. |
| 398 | Now, now, now, should I climb down your front |
| 399 | so we're face-to-face |
| 400 | or-or should I climb down your back |
| 401 | so we're-we're... butt-to-face? |
| 402 | Face-to-face. I... Face-to-face, yeah. |
| 403 | Okay, here I come. All right. |
| 404 | Oh, my... |
| 405 | ( straining ): How much do you weigh, Ross? |
| 406 | I prefer not to answer that right now. |
| 407 | I'm still carrying a little holiday weight. |
| 408 | ( grunts ) |
| 409 | Oh... |
| 410 | You know, when we talked about face-to-face |
| 411 | I don't think we thought it all the way through. |
| 412 | Hey, Pheebs. |
| 413 | Hey. |
| 414 | Check it out. |
| 415 | Huh? |
| 416 | How much of a man am I? |
| 417 | Wow. Nice. |
| 418 | Manly, and also kind of a slut. |
| 419 | You're turning into a woman. |
| 420 | No, I'm not. |
| 421 | Why would you say that? |
| 422 | That's just mean. |
| 423 | Now I've upset you? |
| 424 | What did I say? |
| 425 | Not what you said; it's just the way you said it. |
| 426 | Oh, my God! |
| 427 | I'm a woman! |
| 428 | ( sniffs ) |
| 429 | Mmm. Great nap. |
| 430 | It really was. |
| 431 | ( chuckles ) |
| 432 | ( clears throat ) |
| 433 | Uh, me? Gay? No. No. No. |
| 434 | Uh, but I have a number of close friends who are. |
| 435 | So, then let's talk about women. |
| 436 | I'm sure our female readers will be interested to know |
| 437 | about your romantic life. |
| 438 | Oh, oh, well, what I do is, uh |
| 439 | I look a woman up and down |
| 440 | and I say, "Hey, how youdoin'?" |
| 441 | Oh, please. |
| 442 | Hey, how you doin'? |
| 443 | ( giggles ) |
| 444 | Hey... how you doin'? |
| 445 | He has the most amazing Porsche under there. |
| 446 | I'd love to show you, but I just tucked her in. |
| 447 | She's sleeping. |
| 448 | ( both giggle ) |
| 449 | Hey, uh, would you two girls like to go for a drink? |
| 450 | Is Rachel here? I'm her sister. |
| 451 | Oh, my God! Jill! |
| 452 | Oh, my God! Rachel! |
| 453 | Oh! |
| 454 | ( mockingly ): Oh, my God! Introduce us. |
| 455 | Well, this is Chandler. Hi. Hi. |
| 456 | And you know Monica and Ross. |
| 457 | And that's Phoebe. |
| 458 | And that's Joey. |
| 459 | Hey, how you doin'? |
| 460 | Don't! |
| 461 | You're a really nice guy |
| 462 | and I'm happy to be your roommate |
| 463 | and your friend |
| 464 | I'm just, you know, I just... |
| 465 | don't feel that way about you. |
| 466 | Oh. I see what happened. |
| 467 | It's because I was trying to repel you. Right? |
| 468 | Believe me, you'd feel a lot different |
| 469 | if I turned it on. |
| 470 | I don't think so. |
| 471 | Oh, I do. |
| 472 | How you doin'? |
| 473 | I'm okay. |
| 474 | ( voice breaks ): Well... |
| 475 | Oh, dear God! |
| 476 | Well, not much to tell there. |
| 477 | I'm... really shy. |
| 478 | So, that's it. |
| 479 | I guess that's all I need. |
| 480 | Thank you, so much. |
| 481 | I think they will be |
| 482 | running this in the beginning of next month. |
| 483 | Oh, great. |
| 484 | Great. |
| 485 | Thank you. Bye. |
| 486 | Bye-bye. |
| 487 | I did it. |
| 488 | Amazing. Yeah. |
| 489 | Amazing. |
| 490 | Oh, wait. I almost forgot. |
| 491 | We have to ask everybody this. |
| 492 | Other than Days of Our Lives |
| 493 | what's your favorite soap opera? |
| 494 | Oh... I don't watch soap operas. |
| 495 | Excuse me, I have a life. |
| 496 | ( chuckling ): You know? |
| 497 | Thank you. |
| 498 | The readers at Soap Opera Digest will be happy to learn that. |
| 499 | Oh, good enough. |
| 500 | So close. |
| 501 | Wow, I can't believe |
| 502 | they didn't put in the part where you said |
| 503 | you didn't watch soap operas. |
| 504 | Yeah, I called the lady about that. |
| 505 | I told her I was just joking. |
| 506 | She was pretty nice about it. |
| 507 | You slept with her, didn't you? |
| 508 | Little bit, yeah. |
| 509 | Wow. This picture of you sure is steamy. |
| 510 | Oh, yeah, that's just a little something |
| 511 | for my huge gay fan base. |
| 512 | Did you just wink at me? |
| 513 | Hey, you're the one who loves the picture. |
| 514 | Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org |
| 515 | |
| 1 | Hi. |
| 2 | Hey. Hey. |
| 3 | So, what's the final head count on my baby shower? |
| 4 | About 20. A couple people from work |
| 5 | who had something else to do. |
| 6 | Both of your sisters called |
| 7 | and neither can make it. |
| 8 | What? You mean they're not coming |
| 9 | to a social event where there's no men and no booze? |
| 10 | That's shocking! |
| 11 | Well, I don't care. |
| 12 | As long as my mom's here. |
| 13 | Oh, my God-- your mother. |
| 14 | What, my mom's not going to be here? |
| 15 | Well, given that we forgot to invite her |
| 16 | it would be an awfully big coincidence if she was. |
| 17 | My God! |
| 18 | It wasn't my fault. |
| 19 | Phoebe was in charge of invitations. |
| 20 | Well, I don't, I don't have a mother |
| 21 | so often I forget that... |
| 22 | Oh, give it a rest. |
| 23 | So, my mother is not coming to my baby shower? |
| 24 | No. |
| 25 | Neither is mine. |
| 26 | Hey, you know what? |
| 27 | Don't worry, okay? |
| 28 | We'll take care of it. |
| 29 | We'll call her. |
| 30 | You just go home and get ready. |
| 31 | Please make sure she comes. |
| 32 | It's really important to me. |
| 33 | I mean, it's my mom. |
| 34 | I know, I know. What's her number? |
| 35 | I don't know. |
| 36 | Go. I have it in my book. |
| 37 | Go. |
| 38 | ( door shuts ) |
| 39 | Wait a minute. |
| 40 | If you're in charge of invitations |
| 41 | why am I the one who has to call her? |
| 42 | Hello, Mrs. Green. |
| 43 | Hi. Uh, it's Monica Geller. |
| 44 | Oh, hello, Monica. |
| 45 | Hi, um, I know this is last minute |
| 46 | but we've decided to throw an impromptu |
| 47 | baby shower for Rachel today. |
| 48 | I know. |
| 49 | My daughters told me about it when they received |
| 50 | their impromptu invitations a month ago. |
| 51 | ( weak chuckle ) |
| 52 | Okay, I'm sorry. |
| 53 | I-I'm so sorry. |
| 54 | For what, dear? |
| 55 | For not inviting me, or for lying about it? |
| 56 | Oh, my God, my ass is sweating. |
| 57 | Oh, please, please... |
| 58 | can you come? |
| 59 | It's today at 4:00. |
| 60 | Well, all right. |
| 61 | I'll see you at 4:00. |
| 62 | Thank you. |
| 63 | Isn't it at 3:00? |
| 64 | Son of a bitch! |
| 65 | ♪ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ♪ |
| 66 | ♪ Your job's a joke, you're broke ♪ |
| 67 | ♪ Your love life's D.O.A. ♪ |
| 68 | ♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪ |
| 69 | ♪ When it hasn't been your day, your week ♪ |
| 70 | ♪ Your month, or even your year ♪ |
| 71 | ♪ But I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 72 | ♪ 'Cause you're there for me, too. ♪ |
| 73 | Hey, Joe, want to shoot some hoops? |
| 74 | Oh, I can't go. |
| 75 | I'm practicing. |
| 76 | I got an audition |
| 77 | to be the host of a new game show. |
| 78 | Oh, cool! That's great. |
| 79 | Yeah, yeah, and if I get it, by day, I'll be |
| 80 | ( lowers voice ): Dr. Drake Remoray |
| 81 | but by night, I'll be |
| 82 | ( loud and excited ): Joey Tribbiani! |
| 83 | You'll be perfect for this. |
| 84 | That's already your name. |
| 85 | The audition's in a couple of hours |
| 86 | and I don't even understand the game. |
| 87 | Well, do you want some help? |
| 88 | Really? That would be great. |
| 89 | Hey, you guys could be the contestants. |
| 90 | Awesome. |
| 91 | Okay, I guess we can lose to junior high girls |
| 92 | some other time. |
| 93 | All right-- |
| 94 | let's play Bamboozled! |
| 95 | Bamboozled? |
| 96 | Yeah, isn't that a cool name? |
| 97 | Yeah. No. |
| 98 | All right. |
| 99 | Uh, okay. |
| 100 | Our first contestant is Ross Geller. |
| 101 | Why don't you tell us a little bit |
| 102 | about yourself, Ross? |
| 103 | Well, uh |
| 104 | I-I'm a paleontologist. |
| 105 | Um, I-I live in New York. |
| 106 | I have a son, Ben. |
| 107 | Uh, hi, Ben. |
| 108 | And, uh... |
| 109 | I said a little bit, Ross. |
| 110 | Now, how about you, Chandler? |
| 111 | Well, Joey, I'm a headhunter. |
| 112 | I hook up out-of-work Soviet scientists |
| 113 | with rogue Third World nations. |
| 114 | Hi, Rasputin. |
| 115 | Excellent. Let's play Bamboozled. |
| 116 | Chandler, you'll go first. |
| 117 | "What is the capital of Colombia?" |
| 118 | Bogota. |
| 119 | It's "Bagoda," but close enough. |
| 120 | Uh... now, oh, now |
| 121 | you can either pass your turn to Ross |
| 122 | or pick a Wicked Wango card. |
| 123 | What does a Wicked Wango card do? |
| 124 | I should know that. |
| 125 | Let's see-- just one moment, please. |
| 126 | Um... here we are. |
| 127 | "A Wicked Wango card |
| 128 | determines whether you go higher or lower." |
| 129 | Higher or lower than what? |
| 130 | ( phony host voice ): This is embarrassing. |
| 131 | Can you believe how lame this is? |
| 132 | I'm sorry, I don't believe contestants |
| 133 | are allowed to talk to each other. |
| 134 | Oh, I told the stripper to be here at 5:00. |
| 135 | That's good, right? |
| 136 | You ordered a stripper for the shower? |
| 137 | That is totally inappropriate. |
| 138 | Why? He's going to be dressed as a baby. |
| 139 | Oh, hi, Mrs. Green. |
| 140 | I'm so glad you could make it. |
| 141 | Yes, thank you so much. |
| 142 | And again, we're so sorry. |
| 143 | We could not feel worse about it. |
| 144 | Try. |
| 145 | Oh, there's my little girl. |
| 146 | She's still mad. |
| 147 | Yeah, I know. |
| 148 | Isn't it great-- one less person |
| 149 | we have to make small talk with? |
| 150 | Phoebe, Sandra's mad at you, too. |
| 151 | It doesn't bother you? |
| 152 | Well, we've apologized twice |
| 153 | and I can't do any more than that. |
| 154 | I know you hate it when people are mad at you |
| 155 | but, you know, you just have to be okay with it. |
| 156 | Okay. I can do that. |
| 157 | ( chuckling ) |
| 158 | I got to go powder my ass. |
| 159 | Look at that face. |
| 160 | Just like when you were in high school. |
| 161 | If I didn't know better |
| 162 | I'd say you were a cheerleader in trouble. |
| 163 | ( both chuckling ) |
| 164 | Come on, let's get some tea. |
| 165 | My, look at that. |
| 166 | Only three weeks to go. |
| 167 | Now, have you picked your nanny yet? |
| 168 | Now, honey, I don't want you to just use your housekeeper |
| 169 | 'cause it will just split her focus. |
| 170 | Oh, well, actually |
| 171 | I'm not going to use a nanny |
| 172 | and, uh, I don't even have a housekeeper. |
| 173 | It's like you're a cave person. |
| 174 | Rachel |
| 175 | you must get a nanny. |
| 176 | You don't know how overwhelming |
| 177 | this is going to be. |
| 178 | I mean, when you were a baby |
| 179 | I had full-time help-- I had Mrs. Kaye. |
| 180 | Mrs. Kaye-- oh, she was sweet. |
| 181 | She taught me Spanish. |
| 182 | I actually think I remember some of it. |
| 183 | Tu madre es loca. |
| 184 | Such a sweet woman. |
| 185 | Yeah. |
| 186 | Well, however great she was, I just can't afford that. |
| 187 | Oh, Rachel! |
| 188 | What? I just had the greatest idea. |
| 189 | I'm going to come live with you. |
| 190 | Wh-Wh-What? What? |
| 191 | Oh, I'm so happy I'm going to do this for my little girl. |
| 192 | Oh, look at you. |
| 193 | You have tears in your eyes. |
| 194 | Yes, yes, I do. |
| 195 | All right, Ross, you're in the lead. |
| 196 | Would you like to take another question |
| 197 | or spin the Wheel of Mayhem? |
| 198 | The Wheel has not been my friend tonight, Joey. |
| 199 | Uh... I'll take another question. |
| 200 | Okay. This is going to be tough. |
| 201 | Hold your breath. |
| 202 | It's okay; I'm ready. |
| 203 | No, dude, you got to hold your breath |
| 204 | till you're ready to answer the question. |
| 205 | It's part of the game. This is ridiculous. |
| 206 | He's not going to... ( inhaling loudly ) |
| 207 | Okay. |
| 208 | "What do you have a fear of |
| 209 | "if you suffer from this phobia? |
| 210 | Tris... ka..." |
| 211 | Holy cow, that's a big word. |
| 212 | "Trisk..." |
| 213 | Seriously, look at this thing. |
| 214 | Chandler, how do you say that? |
| 215 | Let me see that. |
| 216 | This one right here. |
| 217 | ( high-pitched mumble ) |
| 218 | "Triskaidekaphobia." |
| 219 | ( loud exhale ): Fear of Triscuits. |
| 220 | No, fear of the number 13. |
| 221 | Fear of Triscuits? |
| 222 | It's possible. |
| 223 | They have really sharp edges. |
| 224 | All right, Chandler, you're up. |
| 225 | Wait a minute. I believe I'm entitled |
| 226 | to use my Angel Pass for a free turn. |
| 227 | This game makes no sense! |
| 228 | You know, you're just upset |
| 229 | 'cause you're losing. |
| 230 | Oh, come on, Ross. |
| 231 | I think we're all losers here. |
| 232 | All right, Chandler |
| 233 | you can either spin the wheel |
| 234 | or pick a Google card. |
| 235 | Let me think, let me think. |
| 236 | Oh, uh, I don't care. |
| 237 | ( chuckling ) |
| 238 | You must choose, Mr. Bing. |
| 239 | Either. It makes no difference. |
| 240 | Choose, you jackass. |
| 241 | I'll take a card. |
| 242 | Okay. |
| 243 | You picked the Gimme card. |
| 244 | You get all of Ross's points. |
| 245 | What?! |
| 246 | This game is kind of fun. |
| 247 | You don't think it's a little crazy |
| 248 | that you get all my points...? |
| 249 | I don't think the contestants |
| 250 | are supposed to speak to each other. |
| 251 | Why did you invite my mother?! |
| 252 | What? |
| 253 | She wants to move in with me and Ross |
| 254 | to help take care of the baby. |
| 255 | For how long? |
| 256 | Eight weeks. |
| 257 | I mean, I love my mother |
| 258 | but, my God, a long lunch with her is taxing. |
| 259 | I personally would be honored |
| 260 | if she wanted to live with me. |
| 261 | She can't hear you. |
| 262 | You guys, come on, what am I going to do? |
| 263 | Well, if you don't want your mother to move in with you |
| 264 | just tell her. |
| 265 | You're right. You're right. |
| 266 | I mean, I'm about to have a baby. |
| 267 | I can tell my mother |
| 268 | that I don't want her to be sleeping on my couch. |
| 269 | Oh, my God, she's going to want to sleep in my bed with me. |
| 270 | This cannot happen. |
| 271 | That's right. That is right. |
| 272 | You go over there and tell her |
| 273 | you do not want her to live with you. |
| 274 | Do not take no for an answer. |
| 275 | Okay. |
| 276 | This is great. |
| 277 | Now she's going to be mad at Rachel. |
| 278 | You know what? And I'm just going to swoop in there |
| 279 | and be like the daughter she never had. |
| 280 | I have new respect for Chandler. |
| 281 | All right, everybody, it's time to open the presents! |
| 282 | Yes, yes, and I think |
| 283 | that the first gift that Rachel opens |
| 284 | should be from the grandmother of the baby. |
| 285 | Because you're the most important person |
| 286 | in this room. |
| 287 | And in the world. |
| 288 | Well, uh, I don't have a gift |
| 289 | because I wasn't invited until the last minute |
| 290 | but thank you so much, dear |
| 291 | for bringing that to everybody's attention. |
| 292 | How about you less important people? |
| 293 | Let's open your presents. |
| 294 | Hey, Mom, that's okay that you didn't get me a gift. |
| 295 | Well, I kind of did. Me. |
| 296 | Eight weeks of me. |
| 297 | Yeah. Okay, see, Mom, the truth is |
| 298 | I can do this on my own. |
| 299 | Sweetheart |
| 300 | I know you're going to be a terrific mom. |
| 301 | I just think you need a little help |
| 302 | especially at the beginning. |
| 303 | But, Mom, I really know what I'm doing. |
| 304 | I can handle this. |
| 305 | Really? Remember Twinkles? |
| 306 | He was a hamster. |
| 307 | I am not going to vacuum up my baby. |
| 308 | Okay |
| 309 | come on, Rach. |
| 310 | It's present time. |
| 311 | You know, you're the glue |
| 312 | holding this whole party together. |
| 313 | It's kind of falling apart here. |
| 314 | Ooh, look. |
| 315 | Wow. |
| 316 | This is from your friends at work. |
| 317 | Ooh! My gosh! |
| 318 | Oh, wow! |
| 319 | Oh, I know what this is. |
| 320 | Wait a minute. |
| 321 | That can't be right. |
| 322 | Is that a beer bong for a baby? |
| 323 | Darling, that's a breast pump. |
| 324 | ( coughing chuckle ) |
| 325 | Did I say I was done guessing? |
| 326 | Okay, thank you for that. |
| 327 | Ooh, wow. |
| 328 | What's this? |
| 329 | It's a Diaper Genie. |
| 330 | Oh, it dispenses clean diapers. |
| 331 | No, it's where you put the dirty ones. |
| 332 | Well, that's gross. |
| 333 | Why don't you just take it outside |
| 334 | and throw it in a Dumpster? |
| 335 | Oh, you're going to do that ten times a day? |
| 336 | What, it goes ten times a day?! |
| 337 | What are we feeding this baby, Indian food? |
| 338 | No, dear, that's what babies do. |
| 339 | Rachel, listen to your mother. |
| 340 | She is very smart. |
| 341 | Plus, what are you planning on doing with the baby |
| 342 | while you're trotting out to the garbage ten times a day? |
| 343 | I don't know. |
| 344 | Leave it on the changing table? |
| 345 | ( women gasping ) |
| 346 | What? What'd I do? What'd I do? |
| 347 | You can't leave a baby alone. |
| 348 | ( sputtering ) |
| 349 | Of course. I know that. |
| 350 | I mean, of course you never leave a baby alone. |
| 351 | ( laughing ): She wouldn't be safe. |
| 352 | You know, not as safe |
| 353 | as she would be with me, the baby dummy. |
| 354 | Ooh, God, okay, you know what? |
| 355 | Opening the presents |
| 356 | is a little overwhelming right now |
| 357 | so I think, um, I'm just going to maybe |
| 358 | open them all a little bit later |
| 359 | but thank you all for coming and for these beautiful gifts |
| 360 | and this basket is beautiful. |
| 361 | It's actually a bassinet. |
| 362 | Okay, Mommy, don't ever leave me. |
| 363 | "In what John Huston film would you hear this line-- |
| 364 | "'Badges? We don't need no stinking badges'? |
| 365 | Treasure of the Sierra Madre! |
| 366 | Correct. There's a possible backwards bonus. |
| 367 | Madre Sierra the of Treasure! |
| 368 | Yes! |
| 369 | I'd like to go up the Ladder of Chance |
| 370 | to the Golden Mud Hut, please. |
| 371 | Wise choice. How many rungs? |
| 372 | Six. |
| 373 | ( cackles like monkey ) |
| 374 | That noise can only mean one thing. |
| 375 | Hungry monkey! Ha! Hungry monkey. |
| 376 | I'd like a Wicked Wango card. |
| 377 | Okay. |
| 378 | It's an audio question. |
| 379 | "Name this television theme song." |
| 380 | ( sings I Dream of Jeannie theme ) |
| 381 | Oh... |
| 382 | Oh. Oh, my God. |
| 383 | Okay, I know this. Give me a second. |
| 384 | Tell it to the Time Turtle! |
| 385 | Shut up! |
| 386 | I Dream of Jeannie! Yes. |
| 387 | You're back in the lead. |
| 388 | I'd like to spin the wheel. |
| 389 | Rat-tat-tat-tat-tat... |
| 390 | tat... tat... tat... |
| 391 | tat... tat... |
| 392 | tat... |
| 393 | Oh, come on! Oh, come on! |
| 394 | Uh, Super-Speedy Speed round. |
| 395 | Is there a hopping bonus? |
| 396 | Of course. |
| 397 | "Who invented bifocals?" |
| 398 | Ben Franklin. Correct. |
| 399 | "Which monarch has ruled Great Britain the longest?" |
| 400 | Queen Victoria. Correct again. |
| 401 | But you forgot to switch legs between questions |
| 402 | so no Hopping Bonus. Oh! No! Every time! |
| 403 | Now, over to Chandler. |
| 404 | I'd like a Google card. |
| 405 | Are you sure? |
| 406 | Yes. |
| 407 | No! |
| 408 | Google! |
| 409 | Oh, my God. |
| 410 | Congratulations, Ross. |
| 411 | Because, Chandler, you've been Bamboozled! |
| 412 | No! |
| 413 | Yes! |
| 414 | This is the best game ever! |
| 415 | So, um, you're going to stay with me |
| 416 | as long as I need you? |
| 417 | Of course I am. |
| 418 | Oh, Mom, I swear, I'm not an idiot. |
| 419 | I read all kinds of books on pregnancy and giving birth |
| 420 | but I just didn't think to read the part |
| 421 | about what to do when the baby comes. |
| 422 | And-and... guess what-- the baby's coming |
| 423 | and I don't know what to do. |
| 424 | Oh. |
| 425 | Could I throw up in my Diaper Genie? |
| 426 | Oh, sweetie, you're going to be fine. |
| 427 | Wait, where you going? Where you going? |
| 428 | I'm going to the bathroom. Oh, okay. |
| 429 | Now, don't worry. |
| 430 | Everything's going to be okay. |
| 431 | It is going to be okay. |
| 432 | Worth a shot. |
| 433 | Hey. Hey. |
| 434 | Why are you all red and sweaty? |
| 435 | I just Bamboozled Chandler. |
| 436 | Which is not a sexual thing. |
| 437 | That was a quick shower. |
| 438 | Not if you were here. |
| 439 | Wow, looks like we got a lot of good stuff. |
| 440 | Oh, we did. |
| 441 | But my mom got us the greatest gift of all. |
| 442 | A Play-Doh barber shop? |
| 443 | No. |
| 444 | She's going to live with us for eight weeks. |
| 445 | Wh-What? |
| 446 | Yeah, she's going to help us take care of the baby. Whoo. |
| 447 | You're not serious. |
| 448 | I mean, she's a very nice woman |
| 449 | but there's no way we can take eight weeks of her. |
| 450 | She'll drive us totally crazy... |
| 451 | Hi, Ross. |
| 452 | Hey, roomie! |
| 453 | Hey, Joey, hi. |
| 454 | I'm Ray, I'm the producer of the show. |
| 455 | ( phony host voice ): It's a pleasure to meet you, Ray. |
| 456 | And this is Duncan and Erin. |
| 457 | They're going help us out with the audition. |
| 458 | So, let's get the camera rolling. |
| 459 | Righty-o, Ray. |
| 460 | Whenever you're ready. |
| 461 | Hello, I'm Joey Tribbiani. |
| 462 | Let's play Bamboozled. |
| 463 | Erin, you get the first question. |
| 464 | "In hockey, who is known as the Great One?" |
| 465 | Wayne Gretzky. Correct. |
| 466 | Now, would you like to pick a Wicked Wango card |
| 467 | or spin the Wheel of Mayhem? |
| 468 | Uh, Joey, didn't your agents give you the revised rules? |
| 469 | We've eliminated all that. |
| 470 | No wheel, no cards. |
| 471 | Wh-Why? |
| 472 | Uh, well, the game was too complicated |
| 473 | and research showed people didn't follow it. |
| 474 | What's complicated? |
| 475 | You spin the Wheel of Mayhem to go up the Ladder of Chance |
| 476 | you go past the Mud Hut through the Rainbow Ring |
| 477 | to get to the Golden Monkey |
| 478 | you yank his tail, and boom, you're in Paradise Pond. |
| 479 | Yeah. |
| 480 | All that's gone. |
| 481 | It's basically just a simple question-and-answer game now. |
| 482 | Well, what's fun about that? |
| 483 | You expect me to be the host of some boring game |
| 484 | that's just people standing around answering questions? |
| 485 | Well, there'll be women in bikinis holding up the scores. |
| 486 | Let's play Bamboozled. |
| 487 | And all those dinosaur knickknacks you have |
| 488 | Ross, I thought they might be more at home in the garage. |
| 489 | Well, we don't have a garage. |
| 490 | Did I say garage? |
| 491 | I meant garbage. |
| 492 | You know what, Mrs. Green |
| 493 | maybe it's not absolutely vital |
| 494 | that you live with us. |
| 495 | But Rachel needs help with the baby. |
| 496 | I do, I really do. |
| 497 | I don't know anything. |
| 498 | I'm sure that's not true. |
| 499 | Oh, no? |
| 500 | Pheebs, Monica, do I know anything about babies? |
| 501 | Nope, not a thing. |
| 502 | It's frightening. |
| 503 | Well, you know what |
| 504 | even if she doesn't know anything, I do. |
| 505 | I have a son, and his mother and I didn't live together |
| 506 | and whenever he was with me |
| 507 | I took care of him all the time, by myself. |
| 508 | That's true. |
| 509 | You do have another child. |
| 510 | Yeah. |
| 511 | With another woman. |
| 512 | Have you no control, Ross? |
| 513 | That's a different issue. |
| 514 | The point is, when the baby comes |
| 515 | I will be there to feed her and bathe her and change her |
| 516 | and, more than that, I want to do all those things. |
| 517 | Well, then you really don't need me to live with you. |
| 518 | Yes! |
| 519 | Yes, you're going to be so missed. |
| 520 | You're going to be a great father. |
| 521 | Well, you're going to be a wonderful grandma. |
| 522 | Hello? |
| 523 | I still don't know what the hell I'm doing. |
| 524 | Oh, come on, every first-time mother feels that way. |
| 525 | You'll... you're going to pick it up. |
| 526 | Hey, you will. |
| 527 | Look, you know when you first came to the city |
| 528 | you were this spoiled helpless little girl |
| 529 | who still used daddy's credit cards, remember? |
| 530 | I hope you're going somewhere with this. |
| 531 | Look at you, would you? |
| 532 | You're this big executive. |
| 533 | You are much more capable |
| 534 | than you give yourself credit for. |
| 535 | I have no doubt you're going to be an incredible mother. |
| 536 | Really? |
| 537 | I'm telling you. |
| 538 | Thank you. |
| 539 | All right, you two |
| 540 | I'm going to get going. |
| 541 | Oh, no, no, sweetheart. |
| 542 | You stay put. |
| 543 | I'll let myself out. |
| 544 | It's like I'm not here. |
| 545 | Which I almost wasn't. |
| 546 | ( laughs loudly ) |
| 547 | You're still so funny. It's so funny. |
| 548 | What do I do? |
| 549 | Nothing. |
| 550 | You have apologized to her, like, a million times |
| 551 | and she's been nothing but terrible to you. |
| 552 | And don't forget |
| 553 | you just threw her daughter a lovely |
| 554 | albeit slightly boring, shower. |
| 555 | And she hasn't even thanked you for it. |
| 556 | You know what, you're right. |
| 557 | Yeah, I mean, if you want |
| 558 | to say anything to her, I'd tell her off. |
| 559 | Really? |
| 560 | Uh-huh. |
| 561 | Okay, I will. |
| 562 | Mrs. Green. |
| 563 | Mrs. Green. |
| 564 | It is rude to leave a party |
| 565 | without saying good-bye to the host. |
| 566 | And also, when someone apologizes to you |
| 567 | the decent thing to do is to accept it. |
| 568 | Because what I did to you, it wasn't on purpose |
| 569 | but what you're doing to me now, it's just plain spiteful. |
| 570 | Spiteful? That's right. |
| 571 | Maybe it's time you took a good hard look |
| 572 | in the mirror, young lady. |
| 573 | Old lady. |
| 574 | Lady. |
| 575 | Wrap it up, wrap it up, wrap it up. |
| 576 | So, whenever you're ready to apologize to me |
| 577 | I will forgive you. |
| 578 | Good day. |
| 579 | I can't feel my legs. |
| 580 | But you were fantastic. |
| 581 | I'm so proud of you. |
| 582 | Yeah? |
| 583 | I'm proud of me, too. |
| 584 | You should be. |
| 585 | Could you get me something to drink? |
| 586 | You got it. |
| 587 | Okay. |
| 588 | Mrs. Green! |
| 589 | Okay, I'm really sorry! I apologize! |
| 590 | If you could... |
| 591 | ( screams ) |
| 592 | ( thudding ) |
| 593 | Okay, I bit my tongue... |
| 594 | ( lisping ): but I'm thtill really thorry! |
| 595 | Okay, I'm ready. |
| 596 | You sure? Yes. |
| 597 | I've done my studying |
| 598 | and I really know my stuff. |
| 599 | All right, then. |
| 600 | Rachel Green, let's play Bamboozled. |
| 601 | "How do you test the temperature of the baby's bath water?" |
| 602 | Uh, put your elbow in it. |
| 603 | Excellent. |
| 604 | "How do you put a baby down for a nap?" |
| 605 | Full, dry, on it's back, and no loose covers. |
| 606 | That's correct. |
| 607 | This is an audio question. |
| 608 | "What do you do when the baby makes this sound?" |
| 609 | ( high-pitched crying ) |
| 610 | Check if it's wet, check if it's hungry, burp it. |
| 611 | Excellent! Excellent! |
| 612 | Now, now, do you want another question |
| 613 | or a Wicked Wango card? |
| 614 | A card, a card, I pick a card. |
| 615 | Oh, I'm sorry, you've been Bamboozled. |
| 616 | You're going to be a terrible mother. |
| 617 | ( phony host voice ): I've lost sight of why we're doing this. |
| 618 | Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org |
| 619 | |
| 1 | Hey, you guys, I got some bad news. What? |
| 2 | Well, that's no way to sell newspapers. |
| 3 | Try, "Extra, extra, read all about it!" |
| 4 | No, Monica's restaurant got a horrible review in the Post. |
| 5 | Oh, no! Oh, no! |
| 6 | Yeah, I didn't want her to see it, so I ran around |
| 7 | the neighborhood and bought all the copies I could find. |
| 8 | Man, this is bad. |
| 9 | And I've had my share of bad reviews. |
| 10 | I still remember my first good one, though. |
| 11 | "Everything else in this production of Our Town |
| 12 | "was simply terrible. |
| 13 | Joey Tribbiani was abysmal." |
| 14 | Hey... Oh, my God. |
| 15 | Look at all the newspapers. |
| 16 | It must be a good review. |
| 17 | Is it great? |
| 18 | Um... |
| 19 | Oh, dear God. |
| 20 | But the good news is |
| 21 | no one in a two-block radius will ever know. |
| 22 | What about the rest of Manhattan? |
| 23 | Yeah, they all know. |
| 24 | Oh, my God, this is horrible. |
| 25 | I'm so sorry, honey. I'm so humiliated. |
| 26 | Yeah, but you know what they say, Mon: |
| 27 | there is no such thing as bad press. |
| 28 | You don't think that, um |
| 29 | "The chef's mahi-mahi was awful awful" is bad press? |
| 30 | I didn't write it. |
| 31 | Oh, my God, is he right? |
| 32 | Am I really... am I awful? |
| 33 | ALL: No. |
| 34 | Hey, Monica, you listen to me, okay? |
| 35 | And I'm not just saying this 'cause I'm your friend. |
| 36 | I'm saying it 'cause it's the truth. |
| 37 | Your food is abysmal. |
| 38 | ♪ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ♪ |
| 39 | ♪ Your job's a joke, you're broke ♪ |
| 40 | ♪ Your love life's D.O.A. ♪ |
| 41 | ♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪ |
| 42 | ♪ When it hasn't been your day, your week ♪ |
| 43 | ♪ Your month, or even your year ♪ |
| 44 | ♪ But I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 45 | ♪ 'Cause you're there for me, too. ♪ |
| 46 | Ross?! |
| 47 | What? What? |
| 48 | I am freaking out. |
| 49 | Are you? |
| 50 | My due date is in one week. |
| 51 | What are you doing up? |
| 52 | That is seven days. |
| 53 | Okay, look, I had a lot of water before I went to bed. |
| 54 | Can we do this after...? |
| 55 | No, no, no, no, no, Ross. |
| 56 | Please, come on-- |
| 57 | we do not have any of the big stuff that we need. |
| 58 | We do not have a changing table. |
| 59 | We do not have a crib. |
| 60 | We do not have a diaper service. |
| 61 | It's funny you should mention diapers. |
| 62 | I'm serious. |
| 63 | Okay, look, there's nothing to worry about. |
| 64 | We have plenty of time. |
| 65 | There's a great baby furniture store on West Tenth. |
| 66 | Tomorrow we will go there |
| 67 | and we'll get you everything we need, okay? |
| 68 | Okay. Thank you. |
| 69 | That's great. Thank you. |
| 70 | Wait, wait, where on West Tenth? |
| 71 | 'Cause there's a really cute shoe store that has, like... |
| 72 | Okay, okay, if, uh, if you're going to do this |
| 73 | then I'm going to go do that, so... |
| 74 | Oh, wait, Ross, I'm sorry. |
| 75 | One more thing. |
| 76 | Yeah?! |
| 77 | Um, our situation, you know? |
| 78 | Um, what we mean to each other? |
| 79 | And, I mean |
| 80 | we're having this baby together, you know |
| 81 | and we live together. |
| 82 | ( sighing ) |
| 83 | Isn't that... isn't that weird? |
| 84 | Well, uh... |
| 85 | I'm just kidding; you can go pee. |
| 86 | Hey, uh, Monica, I can't remember. |
| 87 | Did we say we were going to meet here or at the movie? |
| 88 | At the movies, but... |
| 89 | Okay, I'll see you there. |
| 90 | Joey... now that you're here... |
| 91 | Sure, I can hang out till I have to meet you. |
| 92 | But how come you're not going? |
| 93 | I can't. I've got a job interview |
| 94 | I got to get ready for. |
| 95 | I thought you already have a job. |
| 96 | And people say you don't pay attention. |
| 97 | No, no, this is a much better job. |
| 98 | It's vice-president of the company |
| 99 | that does data reconfiguration |
| 100 | and statistical factoring for other companies. |
| 101 | Wow. How do you know how to do that? |
| 102 | That's what I do now. |
| 103 | Hey, Joey, come taste this. |
| 104 | What is it? |
| 105 | Remember that guy that gave me a bad review? |
| 106 | Well... |
| 107 | I'm getting my revenge. |
| 108 | You cooked him? |
| 109 | No. He teaches a course on food criticism at the New School. |
| 110 | Before we go to the movies, I'm going to go there |
| 111 | and make him try my bouillabaisse again. |
| 112 | Oh, I can't wait to read the front page of the Post tomorrow. |
| 113 | "Restaurant reviewer admits |
| 114 | 'I was wrong about Monica.'" |
| 115 | The front page? |
| 116 | MONICA: Mm-hmm. |
| 117 | You really do live in your own little world, don't you? |
| 118 | Do you, uh, want these things delivered, Mr. and Mrs. Geller? |
| 119 | Oh, no, no, no. |
| 120 | No, no, no, we're not married. |
| 121 | We are having a baby together, but we're not involved. |
| 122 | I mean, uh, we, we, we were seeing each other a while ago |
| 123 | but then we were just friends |
| 124 | and then there was one drunken night... |
| 125 | Or, "Yes, stranger, we'd like this delivered, please." |
| 126 | Why don't you fill out this address card? |
| 127 | Oh, okay. |
| 128 | I noticed you've picked out a lot of our dinosaur items. |
| 129 | RACHEL: Oh, yeah. |
| 130 | Actually, that's one of the reasons why we are not a couple. |
| 131 | I chose those. |
| 132 | I'm a paleontologist. |
| 133 | Really? |
| 134 | That is so cool. |
| 135 | Oh, oh, yeah, don't get too worked up over it. |
| 136 | I mean, it sounds like he's a doctor, but he's not. |
| 137 | Oh, no, no. |
| 138 | I'm fascinated by paleontology. |
| 139 | Have you read the new Walter Alvarez book? |
| 140 | I teach it in my class. |
| 141 | Oh, my God. |
| 142 | I'm standing at a cash register |
| 143 | I'm holding a credit card, and I'm bored. |
| 144 | Oh, I love your neighborhood. |
| 145 | There's a great gym right around the corner from your building. |
| 146 | That's my gym. |
| 147 | I could tell you work out. |
| 148 | A paleontologist who works out. |
| 149 | You're like Indiana Jones. |
| 150 | I am like Indiana Jones. |
| 151 | Hi, Pheebs. |
| 152 | Hey. Oh, how did baby shopping go? |
| 153 | Oh, it was great. |
| 154 | We got everything that we needed. |
| 155 | Oh, and Ross almost got something |
| 156 | that wasn't on the list. |
| 157 | ( clearing throat ) |
| 158 | A whore. |
| 159 | What? |
| 160 | Well, we were paying for our stuff |
| 161 | and this saleswoman just started flirting with him. |
| 162 | Can you believe that? |
| 163 | Well, did she know you two weren't married? |
| 164 | Yeah. |
| 165 | Oh, my God. |
| 166 | Well, the idea-- a woman flirting with a single man-- |
| 167 | we must alert the church elders. |
| 168 | No, you don't understand. |
| 169 | You didn't see how brazen she was. |
| 170 | It sounds like you're a little jealous. |
| 171 | No, I'm not. |
| 172 | I-I-I just think it's wrong. |
| 173 | It, I mean, here I am about to pop |
| 174 | and he's out picking up some shop girl |
| 175 | at Sluts 'R Us? |
| 176 | Is that a real place? |
| 177 | Are they hiring? |
| 178 | Hey, Phoebe. Fatty. |
| 179 | Hey, Chandler, why so fancy? |
| 180 | Well, I got a job interview. |
| 181 | It's kind of a big deal, too. |
| 182 | It's a lot more money |
| 183 | and I'd be doing data reconfiguration |
| 184 | and statistical factoring. |
| 185 | Wait, I think I know someone who does that. |
| 186 | Me. I do that. |
| 187 | So, seriously, do I, do I look okay? |
| 188 | I'm a little nervous. |
| 189 | Oh, yeah, you really, you look great. |
| 190 | Just don't get your hopes up. |
| 191 | Why not? |
| 192 | Well, the interview. |
| 193 | What about it? |
| 194 | You know. You don't make a very good first impression. |
| 195 | What? |
| 196 | Oh, you don't know. |
| 197 | Are you serious? |
| 198 | Yes. When I first met you |
| 199 | you were, like... ( speaking gibberish ) |
| 200 | It was, like... |
| 201 | Shh! |
| 202 | What is it that I do? |
| 203 | Well, it's just like you're trying too hard-- |
| 204 | always making jokes, you know? |
| 205 | You come off a little needy. |
| 206 | Did you like me when we first met? |
| 207 | Chandler, I'm not going to lie to you. |
| 208 | But I am going to run away from you. |
| 209 | Hi. |
| 210 | Um, I'm Monica Geller. |
| 211 | I'm the chef at Alesandro's. |
| 212 | Still? |
| 213 | I think the things |
| 214 | that you said about me were really unfair |
| 215 | and I would like for you |
| 216 | to give my bouillabaisse another chance. |
| 217 | I don't see any reason |
| 218 | why I would do that to myself again. |
| 219 | Either eat it or be in it. |
| 220 | Spoon? |
| 221 | ( clearing throat ) |
| 222 | So, what do you think? |
| 223 | I'm torn... between my integrity |
| 224 | and my desire to avoid a beating. |
| 225 | But I must be honest. |
| 226 | Your soup... is abysmal. |
| 227 | Attagirl! |
| 228 | Huh?! |
| 229 | We should get out of here. |
| 230 | There's a new class coming in. |
| 231 | Welcome to "Introduction to Cooking." |
| 232 | Now, before we start |
| 233 | can anyone tell me the difference |
| 234 | between a hollandaise and a béarnaise sauce? |
| 235 | I can. |
| 236 | Okay. Go ahead. |
| 237 | Well, they both have |
| 238 | an egg yolk and butter base |
| 239 | but a béarnaise has shallots, chervil |
| 240 | and, most importantly, tarragon. |
| 241 | Oh, that's very good. |
| 242 | What's your name? |
| 243 | Monica. Monica |
| 244 | you go to the head of the class. |
| 245 | Okay. |
| 246 | Wow, all this stuff takes up a lot of room. |
| 247 | Hey, how serious are you |
| 248 | about keeping Ben in your life? |
| 249 | My son? |
| 250 | Pretty serious. |
| 251 | ( knock on door ) |
| 252 | Well, hey, Katie. |
| 253 | What are you doing here? |
| 254 | Well, the delivery went out to you |
| 255 | and I realized they forgot this. |
| 256 | Must have been fairly obvious |
| 257 | since it was the only thing left in your store. |
| 258 | Listen... to be honest |
| 259 | home deliveries aren't really part of my job description. |
| 260 | Oh. |
| 261 | KATIE: Oh, um... |
| 262 | I actually came here to ask you out. |
| 263 | Oh, wow, uh... yeah, sounds great. |
| 264 | Um, I'm just going to put this |
| 265 | back in my pocket... |
| 266 | Pretend that didn't happen. |
| 267 | Uh, yeah, actually, I'm free now. |
| 268 | You want to grab some coffee? |
| 269 | Sure. |
| 270 | Horny bitch. |
| 271 | No, you're a horny bitch. |
| 272 | No, you're a horny bitch. |
| 273 | No, you're a horny bitch... |
| 274 | So you guys go. |
| 275 | Have a really good time. |
| 276 | Okay, I'm just going to grab my coat. |
| 277 | And, uh, and my whip. |
| 278 | You know, because of Indiana Jones. |
| 279 | ( chuckling ) |
| 280 | Not, not because I'm into S&M. |
| 281 | I'm not into anything weird. |
| 282 | Just, just normal sex. |
| 283 | So, I'm going to grab my coat. |
| 284 | So, you had a good day, huh? |
| 285 | Big commission, picked up a daddy. |
| 286 | Are you okay with this? |
| 287 | Oh, yeah. |
| 288 | Yeah, please, you guys have fun. |
| 289 | Okay. |
| 290 | It was nice to see you. |
| 291 | Oh, and it was great to see you, too. |
| 292 | And you look fantastic. |
| 293 | Although you missed a button. |
| 294 | Oh, uh, actually I, um... |
| 295 | Oh, okay, I see what you're doing there. |
| 296 | I can't even believe this. |
| 297 | I really come off that badly? |
| 298 | Oh, it's okay. |
| 299 | You calm down after a while and then people can see |
| 300 | how really sweet and wonderful you really are. |
| 301 | Oh, good, good. |
| 302 | Because I'm sure this interview |
| 303 | is going to last a couple of weeks. |
| 304 | All right, don't freak out, okay? |
| 305 | I, I will help you. |
| 306 | How long before you have to leave? |
| 307 | An hour. |
| 308 | I can't help you. |
| 309 | Phoebe... |
| 310 | All right, all right |
| 311 | we'll just do our best, okay? |
| 312 | So let's say that I'm the interviewer |
| 313 | and I'm meeting you for the first time. |
| 314 | Okay-- hi, come on in. |
| 315 | I'm Regina Fellangi. |
| 316 | Chandler Bing. |
| 317 | Oh, Bing. |
| 318 | What an unusual name. |
| 319 | Well, you should meet my uncle, Bada. |
| 320 | I'll let myself out. |
| 321 | Hi. |
| 322 | Your fettuccine Alfredo looks a little dry. |
| 323 | Did you use all your cheese? |
| 324 | When you say "use" |
| 325 | do you mean eat as a pre-cooking snack? |
| 326 | And the cream? |
| 327 | Cheese makes me thirsty. |
| 328 | Okay, let's move on. |
| 329 | All right. |
| 330 | Ooh, something smells good over at Monica's station. |
| 331 | Oh, my God! |
| 332 | This is absolutely amazing! |
| 333 | You've never made this before? |
| 334 | Oh, no. I don't know anything about cooking. |
| 335 | I had to ask someone what it was called |
| 336 | when the water makes those little bubbles. |
| 337 | Well, hats off to the chef. |
| 338 | I'm sorry, your mouth was full. |
| 339 | I didn't hear what you said. |
| 340 | Hats off to who, now? |
| 341 | The chef. |
| 342 | That's right. |
| 343 | I think you'll find if I come to work here |
| 344 | that I don't micromanage. |
| 345 | I don't shy away from delegating. |
| 346 | Mm-hmm, that's good to know. |
| 347 | But let's stop focusing on what you don't do |
| 348 | and focus on what you do do. |
| 349 | What I do do... |
| 350 | is manage to create an atmosphere of support |
| 351 | for the people working with me. |
| 352 | I see. |
| 353 | Nice sidestep on the do do thing, by the way. |
| 354 | Hardest thing I've ever done in my life. |
| 355 | You got to go! |
| 356 | Okay, don't worry. You're ready. |
| 357 | Really? |
| 358 | Absolutely. Just fight all your natural instincts |
| 359 | and you'll be great. |
| 360 | Ah, Monica, my star student. |
| 361 | You know, you called me that before |
| 362 | so I took the liberty of fashioning a star |
| 363 | out of aluminum foil. |
| 364 | Now, no pressure. |
| 365 | You like my cookies, you give me the star. |
| 366 | Mmm-mm-mm... |
| 367 | Wow, a star! |
| 368 | I know you all hate me |
| 369 | and I'm sorry, but I don't care. |
| 370 | Okay, Joey, you're up next. |
| 371 | Oh, my God! |
| 372 | This is amazing. |
| 373 | You get an A. |
| 374 | I got an A? In school? |
| 375 | Hey, I'm a dork! |
| 376 | Joey, I'm so proud of you. |
| 377 | I think you should give him your star. |
| 378 | Excuse me? |
| 379 | He doesn't even know what he's doing. |
| 380 | We're all beginners here. |
| 381 | Nobody knows what they're doing. |
| 382 | I do. I'm a professional chef. |
| 383 | ( all gasping ) |
| 384 | Oh, relax. It's not a courtroom drama. |
| 385 | If you're a professional chef |
| 386 | what are you doing taking Introduction to Cooking? |
| 387 | Yeah. |
| 388 | I'm sorry. |
| 389 | It's just that, um... |
| 390 | I cook at this restaurant, Alesandro's |
| 391 | and I just got a really bad review. |
| 392 | Oh, Alesandro's! |
| 393 | I love that place. |
| 394 | You do? |
| 395 | Oh, yes. You're an excellent chef. |
| 396 | As a person, you're a little... |
| 397 | Oh, totally crazy, but you like the food? |
| 398 | Very much. Okay, then. |
| 399 | I don't stink. |
| 400 | I'm a good chef. Okay. |
| 401 | Whoa, whoa, whoa, I don't want to go. |
| 402 | I'm having fun. |
| 403 | Actually, did either of you pay for this class? |
| 404 | Hey, hey, hey, if my friend says |
| 405 | it's time to go, it's time to go. |
| 406 | Also, I was the point person on my company's transition |
| 407 | from the KL-5 to GR-6 systems. |
| 408 | You must have had your hands full. |
| 409 | That I did. That I did. |
| 410 | So, let's talk a little bit about your duties. |
| 411 | My doodies? |
| 412 | All right. |
| 413 | You'll be heading a whole division |
| 414 | so you'll have a lot of duties. |
| 415 | I see. |
| 416 | But there'll be perhaps 30 people under you |
| 417 | so you can dump a certain amount on them. |
| 418 | Good to know. |
| 419 | We could go into detail... |
| 420 | No, don't, I beg of you. |
| 421 | All right, then. |
| 422 | We'll have a definite answer for you on Monday |
| 423 | but I think I can say with some confidence |
| 424 | you'll fit in well here. |
| 425 | Really? |
| 426 | Absolutely. |
| 427 | You can relax. |
| 428 | You did great. |
| 429 | I got to say thank you. |
| 430 | I was really nervous. |
| 431 | I've been told I come on too strong |
| 432 | make too many jokes |
| 433 | and then it was really hard to sidestep that duty thing. |
| 434 | Duties. |
| 435 | ( singsong ): Duties. |
| 436 | Poo. |
| 437 | Poo? |
| 438 | Oh, my God, this doesn't count, okay? |
| 439 | The interview was over. |
| 440 | That was the real Chandler Bing in there. |
| 441 | This is just some crazy guy out in the hall. |
| 442 | Call security! |
| 443 | There's a crazy guy out in the hall! |
| 444 | Poo? |
| 445 | I'll look forward to your call. |
| 446 | Hi. |
| 447 | Hey, you're back from your date. |
| 448 | How are you? |
| 449 | I'm fine, but that's not important. |
| 450 | What's important is how was she? |
| 451 | Uh, it was fun. |
| 452 | We just had coffee. |
| 453 | Oh, uh-huh, uh-huh. |
| 454 | Coffee, a little rub-rub-rub under the table. |
| 455 | What's going on? |
| 456 | Do you not like Katey? |
| 457 | No, no, she-she was nice. |
| 458 | I mean, she was a little slutty, but who isn't? |
| 459 | I liked her. |
| 460 | Of course you did, Ross. |
| 461 | You would date a gorilla if it called you Indiana Jones. |
| 462 | Did you get, like, a fresh batch of pregnancy hormones today? |
| 463 | No, it's just that... |
| 464 | Katey bothered me. |
| 465 | Why? What was wrong with her? |
| 466 | There was nothing wrong with her, all right? |
| 467 | She was perfectly lovely. |
| 468 | Okay, so what's the matter? |
| 469 | I don't want you to date her. |
| 470 | Why? What, are you jealous? |
| 471 | Yes. |
| 472 | And not because I want you to go out with me |
| 473 | because I don't want you to go out with anybody. |
| 474 | Okay? |
| 475 | I know it's a terrible thing to even think this |
| 476 | and it's completely inappropriate |
| 477 | but I want you to be at my constant beck and call |
| 478 | 24 hours a day. |
| 479 | I'm very sorry |
| 480 | but that is just the way that I feel. |
| 481 | Okay. |
| 482 | What? |
| 483 | I won't date. |
| 484 | I'll be here with you, all the time. |
| 485 | Really? |
| 486 | But I'm being so unreasonable. |
| 487 | True, but you're allowed to be unreasonable. |
| 488 | You're having our baby. |
| 489 | Oh... |
| 490 | Ross, thank you, thank you. |
| 491 | You feel better? |
| 492 | No, not really. |
| 493 | You're pressing the baby into my bladder |
| 494 | and now I have to pee. |
| 495 | Sorry. |
| 496 | Uh, Rach? |
| 497 | Yeah? |
| 498 | Just one thing. |
| 499 | We live together, you're having our baby... |
| 500 | I'm not going to see anybody else. |
| 501 | Are you sure you don't want something more? |
| 502 | Wow. |
| 503 | I don't know. Maybe. |
| 504 | Rach, I was just messing around. |
| 505 | Like you did last night when I had to pee. |
| 506 | I knew that, I knew that. |
| 507 | I was just messing with you, too. |
| 508 | Okay, okay, because for a minute you seemed... |
| 509 | No, no, no, no! |
| 510 | That's just 'cause I'm such a good messer. |
| 511 | ( laughs ) |
| 512 | Rach? Yeah? |
| 513 | The bathroom? |
| 514 | Right. |
| 515 | I had a great time. |
| 516 | Learned how to bake, ate great food. |
| 517 | It's the first A I've gotten since seventh grade |
| 518 | and I didn't have to sleep with the teacher this time. |
| 519 | Oh, look, acting for beginners. |
| 520 | Hey, want to feel good about yourself? |
| 521 | What the hell. |
| 522 | Okay. |
| 523 | All right, let's start with some basics. |
| 524 | Can anybody tell me what the difference |
| 525 | between upstage and downstage is? |
| 526 | Yeah, this was a stupid idea. |
| 527 | Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org |
| 528 | |
| 1 | Hey, what are you guys looking at? |
| 2 | Oh, it's a poster |
| 3 | for that World War I movie that I'm in. |
| 4 | Check it out. |
| 5 | Yeah? |
| 6 | Wow, it looks really violent. |
| 7 | Uh-huh. |
| 8 | I know. |
| 9 | I'm coming soon to a theater near you. |
| 10 | I'm in THX. |
| 11 | I'm unsuitable for children. |
| 12 | Man, I cannot wait to see this. |
| 13 | Yeah, yeah, it's already generating Oscar buzz. |
| 14 | I started that. |
| 15 | I thought I did. |
| 16 | Oh, hey, guess what? |
| 17 | I just talked to my agent, and the premiere is next week |
| 18 | and you're all invited. |
| 19 | ( gasps ) That's great. |
| 20 | Are we going to take a limo? |
| 21 | Sure, why not? |
| 22 | I love taking limos when nobody died. |
| 23 | Well, obviously, I won't be able to come. |
| 24 | For those of you who haven't checked their calendars |
| 25 | today's my due date. |
| 26 | Well, you know |
| 27 | I just want to take a moment and thank you guys |
| 28 | for how great you've been during this time. |
| 29 | I really couldn't have done it without you. |
| 30 | And I have loved these last nine months. |
| 31 | And even though I am so looking forward to the next part |
| 32 | I am really going to miss being pregnant. |
| 33 | That's right, still no baby. |
| 34 | Come on, people |
| 35 | please make some room. |
| 36 | Uh, sweetie, maybe you'd be more comfortable here. |
| 37 | ( deep sigh ) |
| 38 | You. |
| 39 | Like you haven't done enough. |
| 40 | Look, I know how miserable you are. |
| 41 | I wish there was something I could do. |
| 42 | I mean, I wish I were a sea horse. |
| 43 | Because with sea horses |
| 44 | it's the male... they carry the babies. |
| 45 | And then also, um, I'd be far away in the sea. |
| 46 | Oh, God. |
| 47 | ( moans ) |
| 48 | I have never been so uncomfortable |
| 49 | in my entire life. |
| 50 | Oh, I know, I've been there. |
| 51 | I remember toward the end... |
| 52 | Oh, Phoebe, that's a great story. |
| 53 | Could you tell it to me while you're getting me some iced tea? |
| 54 | ( groans ) |
| 55 | Oh, God... |
| 56 | Get out! |
| 57 | Get out, get out, get out! |
| 58 | Let's. |
| 59 | ♪ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ♪ |
| 60 | ♪ Your job's a joke, you're broke ♪ |
| 61 | ♪ Your love life's D.O.A. ♪ |
| 62 | ♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪ |
| 63 | ♪ When it hasn't been your day, your week ♪ |
| 64 | ♪ Your month, or even your year ♪ |
| 65 | ♪ But I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 66 | ♪ 'Cause you're there for me, too. ♪ |
| 67 | ( groans ) |
| 68 | Hey, did you have the baby yet? |
| 69 | Do you want me to come over there and sit on you? |
| 70 | 'Cause I'll do it. |
| 71 | What are you doing here so early? |
| 72 | They sent me home from work. |
| 73 | They were, like |
| 74 | "Start your maternity leave now. |
| 75 | Just rest. Get ready for the baby." |
| 76 | Well, you know what? Screw 'em. |
| 77 | They don't want me there, I'll just hang out with you guys. |
| 78 | Or you could do volunteer work. |
| 79 | ( phone rings ) |
| 80 | Hello? |
| 81 | Joey, it's Estelle. Great news. |
| 82 | I was able to get you and one guest tickets to your premiere. |
| 83 | One guest? You told me I could have six tickets. |
| 84 | Well, I sold four of them on eBay. |
| 85 | ( groans ) |
| 86 | You'll be sitting next to HotGuy372. |
| 87 | Oh, my God. So that's it? |
| 88 | I only get to bring one guest? |
| 89 | Yeah, what time do you want to pick me up? |
| 90 | Hello? |
| 91 | Did you hear that? |
| 92 | I only get one extra ticket to my premiere. |
| 93 | So somehow I have to pick between you three and Ross. |
| 94 | Wait. Wh-What about me? |
| 95 | Well, you said you didn't want to go. |
| 96 | I don't, but I would still like to be acknowledged. |
| 97 | What, just because I'm pregnant, I'm invisible? |
| 98 | Definitely not invisible. |
| 99 | Well, you know, Ross didn't care enough to be here |
| 100 | so I think he's out. |
| 101 | You know, you snooze, you lose. |
| 102 | He's not snoozing; he's teaching a class. |
| 103 | Well, then somebody's snoozing. |
| 104 | And, Joey, not that this should affect you at all |
| 105 | but, um, if you were to pick me |
| 106 | I was planning on wearing a sequin dress cut down to here. |
| 107 | I haven't seen this dress. |
| 108 | Star in a movie. |
| 109 | Joey, you pick whoever you want, okay? |
| 110 | You just listen to your heart. |
| 111 | What does it tell you? |
| 112 | Phoebe, Phoebe, Phoebe. |
| 113 | Well, uh... |
| 114 | I think I want to take Chandler. |
| 115 | Phoebe, Phoebe, Phoebe, Phoebe, Phoebe... |
| 116 | ( imitating flat-line tone ) |
| 117 | You really want to take me? |
| 118 | Yeah. Yeah. |
| 119 | I mean, I'm sorry, I wish I could take everybody |
| 120 | but, you know, Chandler's always supported my career. |
| 121 | He's paid for acting classes and headshots and stuff |
| 122 | and, well, this would be my way of paying you back. |
| 123 | So, you're never actually going to pay me back? |
| 124 | Hey, just because he paid for your headshots |
| 125 | you're going to take him? |
| 126 | Joey, I don't think you're comprehending |
| 127 | just how slutty this dress is. |
| 128 | It's not just the stuff he paid for. |
| 129 | I mean, it's-it's everything, you know? |
| 130 | He... he read lines with me. |
| 131 | He went with me on auditions when I was really nervous. |
| 132 | And then he consoled me |
| 133 | after I didn't get parts that I really wanted. |
| 134 | You always believed in me, man. |
| 135 | Even-even when I didn't believe in myself. |
| 136 | I always knew you were going to make it. |
| 137 | I'm so proud of you. |
| 138 | Thanks. That... |
| 139 | that means a lot to me. |
| 140 | Mon, maybe one of these guys wants to wear your dress. |
| 141 | All right, I'm going to go shave. |
| 142 | ( clears throat ) |
| 143 | Yeah, well, I'm going to go, uh, spit. |
| 144 | ( Rachel groans ) |
| 145 | Oh, I have to pee. |
| 146 | If I don't come out in five minutes |
| 147 | it's because I've choked to death |
| 148 | on the potpourri stink. |
| 149 | When she comes out |
| 150 | you hold her nose, I'll blow in her mouth |
| 151 | and the kid will just ( pops ) right out of her. |
| 152 | She's over a week late. |
| 153 | She's got to have it today, right? |
| 154 | I don't know. |
| 155 | I think it's still going to be a while. |
| 156 | Mmm. Care to make it interesting? |
| 157 | I bet you that she'll have it by this time tomorrow. |
| 158 | You're on. |
| 159 | Okay, how much? |
| 160 | $100,000. |
| 161 | How about 50 bucks? |
| 162 | Fine. I'll call Zurich and move some money around. |
| 163 | RACHEL: All right, whose turn is it to help me get up? |
| 164 | ( clears throat ) |
| 165 | No one's here! |
| 166 | Oh, damn it. |
| 167 | ( cheering and applause ) |
| 168 | This is so exiting. |
| 169 | So glamorous-- people taking our picture. |
| 170 | GIRL: Joey! |
| 171 | How do I look? |
| 172 | A little tall. |
| 173 | What? |
| 174 | Do you mind crouching down a little bit |
| 175 | so I look taller? |
| 176 | ( cheering continues ) |
| 177 | There you go. |
| 178 | It's just so glamorous. |
| 179 | GIRL: I love you, Joey! |
| 180 | ( groans ) |
| 181 | Oh, hey, Mon, Rach is here. |
| 182 | And you're still pregnant. |
| 183 | ( Rachel continues groaning ) |
| 184 | Oh, I'm sorry. |
| 185 | I know how uncomfortable you are. |
| 186 | You know what? You look great. Oh... |
| 187 | Yeah, like 50 bucks. |
| 188 | Oh, I have to go pee. |
| 189 | Apparently, this baby thinks |
| 190 | that my bladder is a squeeze toy. |
| 191 | Oh, damn it. Damn it. |
| 192 | Here's your 50 bucks. |
| 193 | That's interesting that you lost. |
| 194 | Now, I forget, do you like to lose? |
| 195 | All right, stop it. |
| 196 | Double or nothing that she has it by tomorrow. |
| 197 | Fine. You're on. Okay. |
| 198 | Until then, General Grant |
| 199 | why don't you set up camp right there. |
| 200 | Hey, is Rachel here? |
| 201 | We have a doctor's appointment. |
| 202 | She's in the bathroom. |
| 203 | Rach, we got to go. |
| 204 | RACHEL: In a minute! |
| 205 | People ask me why we're not together. |
| 206 | I just don't know what to tell them. |
| 207 | RACHEL: All right, all right |
| 208 | let's go. |
| 209 | ROSS: Uh, do you want to go change first? |
| 210 | Doctor's keeping the office open late for us |
| 211 | but if you hurry... |
| 212 | No, I'm fine. |
| 213 | Really? You don't think that's a little inappropriate? |
| 214 | What? |
| 215 | Good God, man, don't anger it. |
| 216 | Ross, it is 100 degrees outside. |
| 217 | For the first time in weeks, I am somewhat comfortable. |
| 218 | Fine, fine, you know what? |
| 219 | Whatever you want, okay? |
| 220 | You're the mommy. |
| 221 | Uh-uh-uh, pal. Don't call me mommy. |
| 222 | It's bad enough you call your own mother that. |
| 223 | I'm actually with her on this one. |
| 224 | JOEY ( in movie ): I thought I knew |
| 225 | who the enemy was, but it was you all along. |
| 226 | You led them right to us, didn't you? |
| 227 | Okay, this is it-- this is my big fight scene coming up. |
| 228 | ...but I'm fighting for every man in the 82nd Ground Division. |
| 229 | Ross? |
| 230 | Yeah? |
| 231 | Can I ask you something? Uh-huh. |
| 232 | When Carol was pregnant with Ben... |
| 233 | Mm-hmm. |
| 234 | Were you this irritating? |
| 235 | Wow. |
| 236 | Excuse me? |
| 237 | Uh, nothing, nothing. |
| 238 | You were just, uh... |
| 239 | you've been a little short with me lately. |
| 240 | I'm not trying to irritate you. |
| 241 | Well, then you just must have a natural talent for it. |
| 242 | You know what? The doctor will be in soon. |
| 243 | Why don't we not speak until then. |
| 244 | Okay. |
| 245 | ( sighs ) |
| 246 | Seriously, breathe louder, Ross. That's great. |
| 247 | You know, we should probably ask the doctor |
| 248 | if she even knows how to deliver a baby |
| 249 | that's half human, half pure evil. |
| 250 | Hello. Hi, Dr. Long, how are you? |
| 251 | Oh, you're nice to her. |
| 252 | She has the drugs. |
| 253 | We'll do a quick check. |
| 254 | Okay. |
| 255 | So, eight days late, huh? Yeah. |
| 256 | You must be getting a little uncomfortable. |
| 257 | Yeah, just a tad. |
| 258 | Well, you're about 80% effaced, so you're on your way. |
| 259 | It still could last a little while longer. |
| 260 | If you're anxious, there are a few ways to help things along. |
| 261 | Do them. |
| 262 | Actually they are things that you can do. |
| 263 | Just some home remedies. |
| 264 | But in my experience, I've found that |
| 265 | some of them are very effective. |
| 266 | Well, we are ready to try anything. |
| 267 | Okay, there's an herbal tea you can drink. |
| 268 | You can take some castor oil. |
| 269 | There's eating spicy foods. |
| 270 | Great. We will do all of those. |
| 271 | Taking a long walk. |
| 272 | Good. Done. |
| 273 | And there's the one that's proved most effective: sex. |
| 274 | You've got to be kidding me. |
| 275 | Good job, Joe. |
| 276 | Well done. Top-notch. |
| 277 | You liked it? You really liked it? |
| 278 | Oh, yeah! |
| 279 | Well, which part exactly? |
| 280 | The whole thing! Can't we go? |
| 281 | Oh, no, no, no. |
| 282 | Hold it. Give me some specifics. |
| 283 | I loved the specifics. |
| 284 | The specifics were the best part! |
| 285 | Hey, what about the scene with the kangaroo? |
| 286 | Did you... did you like that part? |
| 287 | I was surprised to see a kangaroo... |
| 288 | in a World War I epic. |
| 289 | You fell asleep! |
| 290 | There was no kangaroo. |
| 291 | They didn't take any of my suggestions. |
| 292 | Thanks a lot for coming, buddy. |
| 293 | See you later. |
| 294 | Don't go. I'm sorry. |
| 295 | I'm so sorry. |
| 296 | Look! This guy fell asleep! |
| 297 | He fell asleep, too! Be mad at him! |
| 298 | Or... call an ambulance. |
| 299 | Hey. |
| 300 | Hey. Hi! |
| 301 | What did the doctor say? |
| 302 | Any news on when the baby's going to come? |
| 303 | No. But she did give us some ideas |
| 304 | on how to induce labor. |
| 305 | Yeah. We tried them all. |
| 306 | We went for a walk. |
| 307 | Uh, we tried special tea, castor oil, spicy food. |
| 308 | Nothing has worked. |
| 309 | Well, there is one thing that we didn't try |
| 310 | but someone thinks that that will open up a can of worms. |
| 311 | Well, what is it? What is it? |
| 312 | If it's going to help bring the baby here |
| 313 | like, today, I mean, I think you should do it. |
| 314 | It's sex. |
| 315 | Do it! |
| 316 | Monica... |
| 317 | I'm just saying it's been a really long time for you. |
| 318 | I mean, women have needs. |
| 319 | Do it. Get yours. |
| 320 | Oh, I... I don't know about that. |
| 321 | No, I think |
| 322 | if the two of you had sex |
| 323 | the, the, the repercussions would be catastrophic. |
| 324 | All right, let's be practical. |
| 325 | If Ross isn't willing to do it |
| 326 | I mean, he's not the only guy in the world |
| 327 | you can have sex with. |
| 328 | You could borrow Chandler. Chandler is good! |
| 329 | Monica, what is the matter with you? |
| 330 | Nothing. I just want the baby to be born today. |
| 331 | Why? Why today? |
| 332 | Okay, fine. |
| 333 | I keep betting Phoebe that you're going to have the baby |
| 334 | and... I don't want to lose again. |
| 335 | What?! |
| 336 | While she's been going through this hell |
| 337 | you've been making money? |
| 338 | You're betting on your friend staying in this misery? |
| 339 | I'll take that bet. |
| 340 | What?! |
| 341 | Well, I'm miserable here. |
| 342 | I may as well make some money out of it. |
| 343 | Can I get some of that action? |
| 344 | Wait a minute. |
| 345 | Now I'm betting against all three of you? |
| 346 | Oh, honey, don't worry-- I really do feel |
| 347 | like tomorrow it's going to happen. |
| 348 | Oh, okay. |
| 349 | ( no audio ) |
| 350 | ( door opens ) |
| 351 | Hey. |
| 352 | Sleeping beauty. |
| 353 | Where have you been? I tried to call you. |
| 354 | I want to talk to you. I still feel so bad. |
| 355 | ( baby talk ): Oh, no! Were you upset? |
| 356 | Did you lose sleep? |
| 357 | I'm so sorry. |
| 358 | Look, the only reason I came over here |
| 359 | is to settle things between us, okay? |
| 360 | You've done a lot for me and my career. |
| 361 | I wanted to pay you back by taking you to the premiere |
| 362 | but you missed it! |
| 363 | Okay, so, how much do I owe ya? |
| 364 | What?! Give me a number. |
| 365 | I don't want to owe you anything. |
| 366 | You don't owe me anything. |
| 367 | I don't want your... |
| 368 | Ah-ah-ah! We're doing this. |
| 369 | Okay, now you got me |
| 370 | my first set of head shots, right? |
| 371 | How much were those? |
| 372 | I don't know. Uh... $500. |
| 373 | Okay, $500. What else? |
| 374 | Well, then there was the second set... |
| 375 | the infamous "booger" head shots. |
| 376 | Okay, so that's another $500. |
| 377 | That's $500 and $500... |
| 378 | ( muttering softly ) |
| 379 | You want a calculator? |
| 380 | Please. |
| 381 | Here. |
| 382 | Oh. Okay. All right, what else? |
| 383 | Well, uh, there's acting classes |
| 384 | stage combat classes... tap classes... |
| 385 | Which we're still keeping under our hats. |
| 386 | Uh, then there was that dialect coach |
| 387 | who helped you with the play |
| 388 | where you needed a Southern accent. |
| 389 | Which, after 20 hours of lessons |
| 390 | still came out Jamaican. |
| 391 | What the hell are you talking about? |
| 392 | ( Jamaican accent ): Da South will rise again, mon. |
| 393 | Yes. Money well spent. |
| 394 | Okay, what else? Rent. |
| 395 | Okay. Uh, two, three years of rent, utilities, food. |
| 396 | Okay, okay. |
| 397 | So I'm writing you a check for... |
| 398 | So you fell asleep during my movie. |
| 399 | Big deal, right? |
| 400 | How do you clear this thing? |
| 401 | Come on. Finish your enchilada. |
| 402 | Ah... Ross, we've tried all the spicy food. |
| 403 | It's not working. |
| 404 | Okay, here. Have one of these peppers. |
| 405 | Oh... oh-ha! |
| 406 | Oh, God. So hot. |
| 407 | Oh, my God... |
| 408 | ( whimpering ) |
| 409 | By the way, you don't want to touch the pepper |
| 410 | and then touch your eye. |
| 411 | I am feeling nothing. |
| 412 | Oh... oh... |
| 413 | ( whimpering continues ) |
| 414 | Speaking of hot |
| 415 | watching you do that |
| 416 | really makes me want to have sex with you. |
| 417 | Stop it. |
| 418 | Oh, come on, Ross! Why are we wasting our time |
| 419 | with all this other stuff? |
| 420 | We know it's going to work. |
| 421 | It's doctor-recommended! |
| 422 | I'm sorry |
| 423 | but we have to have some boundaries. |
| 424 | Oh...! |
| 425 | My God, I'm dying. |
| 426 | Oh, come on, Ross! |
| 427 | I mean, we've done it before, we'll do it again. |
| 428 | It'll be a nice way to bookend the pregnancy! |
| 429 | This is insane! |
| 430 | I'm not going to make love to you |
| 431 | just so you'll go into labor. |
| 432 | "Make love"? What are you, a girl? |
| 433 | Always a great way to get into a man's pants. |
| 434 | What? You would be performing a service, okay? |
| 435 | Just think of me as, like, a ketchup bottle. |
| 436 | You know, sometimes you have to bang on the end of it |
| 437 | just to get something to come out. |
| 438 | I love when you talk dirty to me. |
| 439 | Ugh. I know it. You're right. |
| 440 | That's not sexy. |
| 441 | Oh... oh... |
| 442 | Whoops! Oh, I seem to have dropped my fork. |
| 443 | Let me just bend over and get it. |
| 444 | Oh, God! |
| 445 | ( groaning ) |
| 446 | Okay, enough! |
| 447 | This is not going to happen. |
| 448 | Oh, come on, Ross. I'm miserable here. |
| 449 | Come on, you started this. Now you finish it. |
| 450 | Come on, wuss. |
| 451 | Make love to me. |
| 452 | You know what? |
| 453 | What? |
| 454 | Forget it. |
| 455 | Oh, well, what now, Ross? |
| 456 | You're not going to talk? |
| 457 | How on earth will you ever annoy me? |
| 458 | Oh, wait a minute. I know. |
| 459 | ( snores ) |
| 460 | I mean, you'd think the damn jalapeño |
| 461 | would have cleared up your sinuses, but no! |
| 462 | That's not enough... |
| 463 | What are you doing? |
| 464 | I'm getting that baby out of you! |
| 465 | Oh, God! |
| 466 | Oh, I know... |
| 467 | Oh, no, no... |
| 468 | Oh... I think my water just broke. |
| 469 | I am good! |
| 470 | Okay, okay, I got the pillow... |
| 471 | uh, I got the bag. You got the keys? |
| 472 | I got the keys. |
| 473 | Okay, okay. |
| 474 | ( laughing ) |
| 475 | Hey... |
| 476 | Yeah? |
| 477 | We're having a baby. |
| 478 | I didn't, uh, really have time to read |
| 479 | this part of the books |
| 480 | but do you think we have time...? |
| 481 | Not so much. |
| 482 | Okay. |
| 483 | $200 -Thank you. |
| 484 | That's it. I'm done. |
| 485 | I don't care when the baby comes-- no more betting. |
| 486 | Okay. |
| 487 | ( phone rings ) |
| 488 | Hello? |
| 489 | Uh-huh. Uh-huh. |
| 490 | Okay. |
| 491 | I guess we can bet one more time. |
| 492 | Is Rachel having the baby? |
| 493 | How did you know that?! |
| 494 | Joey, Chandler! It's time! |
| 495 | They're at the coffeehouse. |
| 496 | You know everything! |
| 497 | Oh, wait... double or nothing. |
| 498 | I bet you the baby is over seven pounds. |
| 499 | I bet you it has hair! |
| 500 | I bet you it's a girl. |
| 501 | We know it's a girl. |
| 502 | I'll give you really good odds. |
| 503 | Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org |
| 504 | |
| 1 | Alright. |
| 2 | Yes! From home to the hospital |
| 3 | in under seven minutes. |
| 4 | - We did it. - Yes. |
| 5 | The hard part is truly over. |
| 6 | No, but come on, we're off to a great start, aren't we? |
| 7 | I knew I'd get you here fast, but this has gotta be |
| 8 | some kind of a record. |
| 9 | - Oh, you made it. - Hi. |
| 10 | - How're you doing? - How.. |
| 11 | How the hell did you beat us here? |
| 12 | We took a cab. Did you guys walk? |
| 13 | No.. No, we took a cab too. |
| 14 | But I-I did test runs. |
| 15 | - Hi. - Hey, you made it. |
| 16 | Okay, is there...some kind of magic tunnel |
| 17 | to this hospital? |
| 18 | Ross, you stay here and talk. I'm gonna go have a baby. |
| 19 | Okay, okay. |
| 20 | Um, hi, hi, this is Rachel Green, I'm Ross Geller. |
| 21 | - We-we called from the car. - Right. |
| 22 | We have a semiprivate labor room waiting for you-- |
| 23 | Whoa, whoa, whoa! Whoa, I'm sorry, semiprivate? |
| 24 | We-we, uh.. |
| 25 | We asked for a private room. |
| 26 | Yes, I see that here. |
| 27 | Unfortunately, we can't guarantee a private room |
| 28 | and currently, they're all unavailable. |
| 29 | Man, if only you'd gotten here sooner. |
| 30 | I'm sorry, semiprivate rooms are all we have. |
| 31 | Okay, uh, just give us a second. |
| 32 | Ross? |
| 33 | Yeah? |
| 34 | Give her some money. |
| 35 | I really think they're out of rooms. |
| 36 | They're not, Ross, they're just saving them |
| 37 | for the important people, okay? |
| 38 | What-what if I was the President? |
| 39 | Well, then we'd be in a lot of trouble. |
| 40 | You don't know where any countries are. |
| 41 | Okay. |
| 42 | Let's say, would you, um, would you mind checking again? |
| 43 | See if any, uh, private rooms may have opened up. |
| 44 | This is a hospital. |
| 45 | Okay, you know what, I have to say |
| 46 | I don't really care for your tone |
| 47 | and this is not the only hospital in the city |
| 48 | and we have no problem to.. |
| 49 | Whoa! Oh, gosh, whoa. |
| 50 | - What? What? - Oh, ow! Contraction. |
| 51 | - Ow, ow. - Oh. |
| 52 | [groaning] |
| 53 | Would you like to see a semiprivate room? |
| 54 | Yeah, it couldn't hurt to look. |
| 55 | [theme song] |
| 56 | ♪ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ♪ |
| 57 | ♪ Your job's a joke you're broke ♪ |
| 58 | ♪ Your love life's DOA ♪ |
| 59 | ♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪ |
| 60 | ♪ When it hasn't been your day ♪ |
| 61 | ♪ Your week your month or even your year ♪ |
| 62 | ♪ But I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 63 | ♪ 'Cause you're there for me too ♪♪ |
| 64 | Well, you're only two centimeters dilated |
| 65 | and we need to get to ten. |
| 66 | - It'll be a while. - Uh, okay. |
| 67 | I'll be back in an hour to check you again. |
| 68 | - 'Okay, thank you.' - 'Thank you.' |
| 69 | Well, I guess we have some time to kill. |
| 70 | Yeah. Guess so. |
| 71 | - Whew! Check these out. - Oh! |
| 72 | Never done this before. |
| 73 | Yeah. Well, it looks great. |
| 74 | Thank you very much. |
| 75 | I think we're ready to.. |
| 76 | Hi, I'm, uh, I'm Ross. |
| 77 | I'm-I'm here to ruin this magical day for you. |
| 78 | - Oh, no, no. Not at all. - Don't worry about it. |
| 79 | Marc Coregar. This is my wife, Julie. |
| 80 | - Hi, Julie. This is Rachel. - Hi. |
| 81 | - Oh, hi, Rachel. - Hi. How are you? |
| 82 | - Is this your first? - Yeah, it is. |
| 83 | Well, little Jamie here is our third. |
| 84 | So, if you have any questions |
| 85 | or you need anything at all, just holler. |
| 86 | - That's so sweet. - Yeah. |
| 87 | Aww. |
| 88 | Um, say, I-I opened this earlier |
| 89 | but let me give you guys some privacy. |
| 90 | No, nonsense, we're all in this together. |
| 91 | Yeah, we are gonna share every moment of this with you |
| 92 | and I think we're gonna have some fun. |
| 93 | - Yeah. - O-okay, I-I guess. |
| 94 | - Hey, smile. - Oh, no. I really don't want.. |
| 95 | - I-I don't know if we.. - Oh! Thank you. |
| 96 | - Oh, Ross. - What? |
| 97 | Here comes another contraction. |
| 98 | - Oh. - Ooh. |
| 99 | - Okay, just breathe. - Ooh. Whoa! |
| 100 | Oh, oh, honey, I think I'm having one too. |
| 101 | Oh. |
| 102 | - Oh. Oh. - Ow. Ow. |
| 103 | Oh.. |
| 104 | Oh, hey-hey! Look at this. Huh? Huh? |
| 105 | - Here we go. - Oh, no, no! No, no, no! |
| 106 | [instrumental music] |
| 107 | Oh, wow, three hours and still no baby. Ugh! |
| 108 | The miracle of birth sure is a snooze fest. |
| 109 | Hey, you wanna see something? |
| 110 | Sure, what? |
| 111 | Okay, um, this is gonna be fun. |
| 112 | - Watch me freak out Chandler. - Uh-huh. |
| 113 | - Honey? - Yeah? |
| 114 | Listen, uh.. |
| 115 | ...I-I've been doing some thinking |
| 116 | and I don't know whether it's because we're here |
| 117 | or...Rachel's giving birth.. |
| 118 | ...but, um.. |
| 119 | I think we should try to have a baby. |
| 120 | Okay. |
| 121 | Wh-what's that now? |
| 122 | Okay. I've been thinking about it too |
| 123 | and I-I think we're ready. |
| 124 | Wha.. |
| 125 | Are you kidding me? |
| 126 | You-you-you think we're ready to have a baby now? |
| 127 | Oh, this is fun. |
| 128 | You're ready to have a baby? |
| 129 | My boy's all grown up. |
| 130 | You said you were ready, too. |
| 131 | Yeah, but I was just screwing with you |
| 132 | t-to try to get your voice all high |
| 133 | and weird like mine is now. |
| 134 | Yes, but haven't you wanted a kid, like, forever? |
| 135 | Okay, just back off, mister. |
| 136 | 'Cause I am ready to have a baby. |
| 137 | I just want Joey to be the father. |
| 138 | What? Are you crazy? |
| 139 | That's it, right there. That's all I wanted. |
| 140 | I am so sorry, the doctor insisted |
| 141 | on closing the curtain for the exam. |
| 142 | Oh, that's very, really, very, very okay. |
| 143 | Julie's cervix is dilated seven centimeters. |
| 144 | That's about four fingers. |
| 145 | Doctor let me feel it myself. |
| 146 | Have you felt Rachel's cervix, Ross? |
| 147 | - No, I don't know if-- - No, we won't be doing that. |
| 148 | Well, if you like, you could feel Rachel's |
| 149 | then feel mine to compare. |
| 150 | Am I interrupting? |
| 151 | - Uh, yes. Thank you. - Oh, no. No. |
| 152 | - Uh, later. - No, wait.. |
| 153 | You can't leave me alone with these people. |
| 154 | Oh, uh, I'm sorry. |
| 155 | No, Ross. Ross. Ross. |
| 156 | My child has no father. |
| 157 | Hi. Oh. Mwah. |
| 158 | I'm so glad you're here, but it's gonna be a while. |
| 159 | I wish you'd called first. |
| 160 | Well, that's alright, I'm coming back later with your father. |
| 161 | Oh, good. |
| 162 | I actually needed to talk to you before the birth. |
| 163 | Okay. What's up? |
| 164 | I've brought something that I want to give you.. |
| 165 | ...assuming, of course, that you want it. |
| 166 | Ma, you're asking me to marry you? |
| 167 | This is your grandmother's engagement ring. |
| 168 | I want you to give it to Rachel. |
| 169 | Mom, no. Come on. Thank you. |
| 170 | - Just hear me out. - No-no, okay? |
| 171 | We've been through this, we're not gonna get married |
| 172 | just because she's pregnant, okay? |
| 173 | Honestly, Ross, this isn't just some girl |
| 174 | you picked up in a bar and.. |
| 175 | ...humped. |
| 176 | - A child should have a family. - Ma, you know what? |
| 177 | I-I can't deal with this right now. |
| 178 | - I'm sorry-- - Just think about it. |
| 179 | If you don't, I'll talk more about humping. |
| 180 | Give me that. |
| 181 | - Hi, dear. - Oh, hi. |
| 182 | Oh, thank you so much for coming. |
| 183 | Ross, get in here. |
| 184 | [instrumental music] |
| 185 | She came and dragged me out of the labor room |
| 186 | to ask me why I'm not with Rachel. |
| 187 | Yeah. |
| 188 | Why aren't you with Rachel? |
| 189 | Are you kidding? |
| 190 | Well, look, we're not gonna be together |
| 191 | just because we're havin' a baby, okay? |
| 192 | But, you know, it just seems that you two belong together. |
| 193 | Okay, stop it. I can't deal with this right now. |
| 194 | - I have to go have a baby. - Right. |
| 195 | And with who again? |
| 196 | God! He's crazy. |
| 197 | Why doesn't he want to be with Rachel? |
| 198 | - I know. - I-I mean, seriously. |
| 199 | She's like the perfect woman. |
| 200 | I mean, I know she turned me down but if she hadn't |
| 201 | and she wanted to be with me |
| 202 | I would take her in my arms and.. |
| 203 | I haven't bummed you guys out like this in a while, have I? |
| 204 | - Hey. - Hey. |
| 205 | - Who's that? - New people. |
| 206 | What happened to the Disgustingtons? |
| 207 | They're having their baby. |
| 208 | It's not fair, Ross, I got here first. |
| 209 | Right after you left, they wheeled her off into delivery. |
| 210 | Oh, but not before she gave me a nice juicy shot |
| 211 | of little Jamie just crownin' away. |
| 212 | Wow. Sorry. |
| 213 | So, uh, how are the new people? |
| 214 | Well, they have, uh, some unusual pet names |
| 215 | for each other, including, um, evil bitch |
| 216 | and, uh, sick bastard. |
| 217 | - Oh, gosh, oh, contraction. - Yeah? |
| 218 | - Ooh. - Okay, okay. |
| 219 | - Ow! - Just breathe. |
| 220 | - Are you looking at her? - No! |
| 221 | Don't you look at her, you sick bastard. |
| 222 | Honey, I swear, I wasn't lookin' at her. |
| 223 | She's in labor. |
| 224 | You like that, you sick son of a bitch? |
| 225 | Uh, I'm just gonna.. |
| 226 | See, see, it's because you were lookin', you fat pervert. |
| 227 | No, no, I'm-I'm sure no one was looking. |
| 228 | Just want some privacy. |
| 229 | (evil bitch) 'You miss your girlfriend?' |
| 230 | - Just ignore them, okay? - Aah. |
| 231 | - Here, you okay? - Yeah. |
| 232 | - Ross, Ross. - What? What? |
| 233 | - He's looking at me. - What? What? |
| 234 | Hey! You want to live to see your baby? |
| 235 | Don't you talk to my husband like that, you stupid bastard. |
| 236 | [instrumental music] |
| 237 | Oh, good God! |
| 238 | If you want a baby so bad, just go steal it. |
| 239 | What is going on with you? |
| 240 | Since when are you so crazy about babies? |
| 241 | I'm not crazy about babies. |
| 242 | I'm crazy about us. |
| 243 | - What? - Look.. |
| 244 | We've always talked about having babies someday. |
| 245 | I'm not saying it has to be right now, but I'm.. |
| 246 | ...starting to think that we can handle it. |
| 247 | We're good. |
| 248 | We're really good. |
| 249 | We are pretty good. |
| 250 | But nothing has to happen till you're ready. |
| 251 | Well, maybe I'm ready now. |
| 252 | I mean, it's a little scary, but...maybe it's right. |
| 253 | What? It's not right. |
| 254 | We're not ready to have a kid now. |
| 255 | - What? - I'm kidding. |
| 256 | This is gonna be fun. |
| 257 | So, we're gonna try? I mean, we're trying? |
| 258 | We're trying to get pregnant. |
| 259 | Mm.. |
| 260 | You know what, I'm not really comfortable doing this |
| 261 | in front of the babies. |
| 262 | So, when do you wanna start tryin'? |
| 263 | Alright, hold on a sec. |
| 264 | - Period math? - Yeah. |
| 265 | Yeah. |
| 266 | Well, we could start trying...now. |
| 267 | Right here? |
| 268 | No, not here. |
| 269 | Maybe here. |
| 270 | Wait a minute, it's perfect, we've got a lot of time to kill |
| 271 | and we're in a building that's full of beds. |
| 272 | And it's so clean. |
| 273 | Come on, you stupid machine. Come on! |
| 274 | Oh, it ate your money? |
| 275 | No. |
| 276 | Alright, I'll see you downstairs, then. |
| 277 | - Alright. - Alright. |
| 278 | Hey, I got one! I got one! |
| 279 | - Hi. - Hi. |
| 280 | Oh, uh, up or down? |
| 281 | Oh, down, please. |
| 282 | I-I hate to be a ball buster, but can I just do it? |
| 283 | Yeah. |
| 284 | [clears throat] |
| 285 | - Could you press up, too? Yeah. - Sure. |
| 286 | I feel so bad for you. I broke my leg once, too. |
| 287 | Yeah? How'd yours happen? |
| 288 | Well, it's a long story. It's kind of embarrassing. |
| 289 | Let's just say there was a typographical error |
| 290 | with a sex manual. |
| 291 | [laughs] |
| 292 | - How about you? - Car accident. |
| 293 | Oh, let me guess, some idiot on a cell phone |
| 294 | wasn't paying attention? |
| 295 | Yeah, me. |
| 296 | - Uh, hey, that's me. - Okay. |
| 297 | Hey, uh, I take it you're just visiting someone. |
| 298 | Uh-huh. Yeah. |
| 299 | Well, um, if you have some time |
| 300 | you know, and maybe |
| 301 | you might wanna visit someone else.. |
| 302 | - Yeah, I-I would like that. - Great. I'm in the room.. |
| 303 | Wait! What? No! |
| 304 | Elevator! No! |
| 305 | Uh, you-you gotta press the button. |
| 306 | [instrumental music] |
| 307 | The nurse said they're bringing in another woman. |
| 308 | [groans] Is she pregnant yet? |
| 309 | She doesn't need to be. |
| 310 | She'll still have the baby before I do. |
| 311 | Oh. Oh, Ross, another contraction. |
| 312 | - Uh, okay. Uh, here, here. - Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! |
| 313 | - That's it, that's it. - Ooh! Ow! Ow! |
| 314 | Oh, that sounded like a bad one. |
| 315 | Yeah, it was. |
| 316 | Mine haven't been so bad. |
| 317 | Oh! Here comes one now. |
| 318 | Mmm. Mmh! |
| 319 | Whoa. That was a big one. Ugh! |
| 320 | Excuse me. Could you help me with something? |
| 321 | The patient I'm looking for has a broken leg |
| 322 | and he's in a wheelchair and, um, he's like |
| 323 | early to mid-30s, very attractive. |
| 324 | I think I know who you're talkin' about. |
| 325 | Oh, yay! Great. Okay, what room number is he in? |
| 326 | I'm sorry, that information is restricted to hospital staff. |
| 327 | Uh, she's with me Dr. Drake Ramoray. |
| 328 | Dr. Drake who? |
| 329 | Ramoray. It's Portuguese. |
| 330 | We need that information. I'm a doctor. |
| 331 | - A doctor at this hosp-- - Damn it, woman! |
| 332 | We're losing precious time. |
| 333 | Now, do you want this man's blood on your head? |
| 334 | - Hands. - Hands? |
| 335 | It is absolutely essential that you tell me what room the man |
| 336 | my assistant described is staying in. |
| 337 | He's a patient of mine. I've been treating him for years. |
| 338 | - He's in room 816. - 816. Thank you. |
| 339 | Thank you. |
| 340 | - And what is his name? - No! |
| 341 | [instrumental music] |
| 342 | - I think we found a place. - Okay. |
| 343 | [both moaning] |
| 344 | Wait. Don't we want to set the mood a little? |
| 345 | Oh, okay, uh.. |
| 346 | We'll dim the lights, dim the lights. |
| 347 | (Monica) 'Okay.' |
| 348 | Or turn them out altogether. |
| 349 | Uh, no scented candles. |
| 350 | Okay, here. There we go. |
| 351 | Uh, okay, okay. |
| 352 | Make me sterile, but okay. |
| 353 | Okay. That's right. |
| 354 | Oh, wait. Do we have a condom? |
| 355 | Oh, right. |
| 356 | [door opens] |
| 357 | Yes, 98.6. |
| 358 | You're gonna be fine. |
| 359 | Ooh, this is it. |
| 360 | [gasps] That's him, that's him. |
| 361 | Great. Well, go get him. |
| 362 | Wait a second. |
| 363 | Or maybe you could go in first. |
| 364 | Yeah, he's not really my type. |
| 365 | No, not you. Dr. Drake Ramoray. |
| 366 | You could ask him questions and see what he's like. |
| 367 | People tell doctors everything. |
| 368 | But you said he was this great guy. |
| 369 | But lately all the guys I meet seem really nice at first |
| 370 | and then they turn out to be the biggest jerks. |
| 371 | - You do attract some stinkers. - Yeah, I know. |
| 372 | Dr. Long, I've been at this for 17 hours. |
| 373 | Three women have come and gone with their babies. |
| 374 | You got to give me some good news. |
| 375 | How many centimeters am I dilated, eight? |
| 376 | - Nine? - Three. |
| 377 | Just three? |
| 378 | I'm dilated three. |
| 379 | We are moving along, just slowly. |
| 380 | Don't worry, you're doing great. |
| 381 | I'll be back soon. |
| 382 | Thank you. |
| 383 | Hey, you know what? I'm not waiting. |
| 384 | I'm gonna push this baby out. |
| 385 | I'm doing it. I mean, it's what, three centimeters? |
| 386 | That's gotta be like this, right? |
| 387 | Actually, it's, it's more like this. |
| 388 | Ah, stupid metric system. |
| 389 | [woman screaming] |
| 390 | Oh, my. We're gonna need to take you |
| 391 | straight to the delivery room. |
| 392 | Oh, for the love of God! |
| 393 | Hi, I'm Dr. Drake Ramoray. |
| 394 | I have a few routine questions I need to ask you. |
| 395 | Really? I've been dealing with Dr. Wells. |
| 396 | I know, but I'm a neurologist, and just to be on the safe side |
| 397 | Dr. Wells wanted a more comprehensive overview |
| 398 | of your status, so...he sent me. |
| 399 | Dr. Wells is a woman. |
| 400 | That was a test. Good response. |
| 401 | [clears throat] Alright, uh, full name? |
| 402 | Clifford Burnett. |
| 403 | Date of birth? |
| 404 | November 16th, 1968. |
| 405 | Age? |
| 406 | Can't you figure that out based on my date of birth? |
| 407 | I'm a doctor, Cliff, not a mathematician. |
| 408 | - I'm 33. - Okay. |
| 409 | - And, uh, are you married? - No. |
| 410 | Oh, really? So, 33 and single. |
| 411 | Would you say you have commitment issues? |
| 412 | Are all the questions this personal? |
| 413 | Yes. |
| 414 | Well, uh, if you must know, I'm a widower. |
| 415 | Oh, that's terrible. I'm-I'm really sorry. |
| 416 | - Yeah. - Mm. |
| 417 | Do you sleep with women and never call them again? |
| 418 | - No. - Excellent. Excellent. |
| 419 | And, uh, finally, are you into any weird stuff |
| 420 | you know, sexually? |
| 421 | [scoffs] Wha.. No. |
| 422 | Ooh, wrong answer. |
| 423 | [instrumental music] |
| 424 | - What else? What else? - Uh, well, he's 33. |
| 425 | - Um, uh-huh. - A widower. |
| 426 | - Oh. - He seemed like a stand-up guy. |
| 427 | Oh, and he's not into anything weird, sexually. |
| 428 | Enter Pheebs. |
| 429 | - This room's available. - Okay, okay. |
| 430 | Wait, you listen to me, you listen to me. |
| 431 | Since I have been waiting, four women, that's four |
| 432 | one higher than the number of centimeters that I am dilated |
| 433 | have come and gone with their babies! |
| 434 | I'm next. It's my turn! It's only fair! |
| 435 | And if you bring in one more woman and she has |
| 436 | her baby before me, I'm going to sue you. |
| 437 | Not this hospital, I'm gonna sue you. |
| 438 | And my husband, he is a lawyer. |
| 439 | Uh, Rach. |
| 440 | You get back on that case, honey! |
| 441 | I don't think the next patient is very far along. |
| 442 | Okay, well, then, bring her in. |
| 443 | Oh...my.. |
| 444 | ...God! |
| 445 | [instrumental music] |
| 446 | I...can't...believe this. |
| 447 | And yet somehow it's true. |
| 448 | I mean, this is so great. We're gonna be baby buddies. |
| 449 | [grating laugh] |
| 450 | Squeeze your legs together and cover the baby's ears. |
| 451 | - Hey, sweetie. - Hi. Hi, sweetheart. |
| 452 | This is my husband Sid. I don't think you've met him. |
| 453 | - Ross, Rachel, this is Sid. - Hi. |
| 454 | I nabbed him a year ago at the dermatologist's office. |
| 455 | Thank God for adult acne, huh? |
| 456 | [grating laugh] |
| 457 | I still can't believe it. |
| 458 | I'm the luckiest guy in the world. |
| 459 | Really? |
| 460 | - What'd he say? - You know what? |
| 461 | You have to speak very loudly when you're talking to Sid |
| 462 | 'cause he's almost completely deaf. |
| 463 | - Oh, of course, he is. - Oh, there you go. |
| 464 | So, congratulations, you two. |
| 465 | I didn't even know you got married. |
| 466 | - Oh, we didn't. - No, no, we.. |
| 467 | - What? - Oh, uh.. |
| 468 | We're-we're just having this baby together |
| 469 | but, uh, uh, that's all, you know? |
| 470 | Why? |
| 471 | Uh, well, um.. |
| 472 | ...we're just not in that place, you know |
| 473 | but we're very excited about this. |
| 474 | Oh. Well, then shut me up. |
| 475 | Just tell me how. |
| 476 | Uh-oh. Oh, I feel another one coming. |
| 477 | [groaning] |
| 478 | [theme music] |
| 479 | |
| 1 | Previously, on Friends: |
| 2 | 17 hours I have been at this. |
| 3 | How many centimeters am I dilated? |
| 4 | Three. |
| 5 | Just three? |
| 6 | I'm dilated three. |
| 7 | We've always talked about |
| 8 | having a baby someday. |
| 9 | So, we're going to try? |
| 10 | Right here? |
| 11 | No, not here. |
| 12 | Maybe here. |
| 13 | This is your grandmother's engagement ring. |
| 14 | I want you to give it to Rachel. |
| 15 | Mom, no. |
| 16 | Ross, this isn't just some girl |
| 17 | you picked up in a bar and... humped. |
| 18 | Hey, uh, I take it you're just visiting someone? Uh-huh, yeah. |
| 19 | Want to visit someone else? |
| 20 | Oh, yeah, I would like that. |
| 21 | ( gasps ) |
| 22 | That's him. |
| 23 | Great. Well, go get him. |
| 24 | Or maybe you could go in first. |
| 25 | Hi. |
| 26 | I'm Dr. Drake Ramoray. |
| 27 | I have a few routine questions. |
| 28 | Do you sleep with women and never call them again? |
| 29 | Oh... |
| 30 | my... God! |
| 31 | ( gasps ) |
| 32 | Oh. |
| 33 | ( both moaning ) |
| 34 | Should we tell Rachel |
| 35 | there's an empty private room right next door to hers? |
| 36 | We could... |
| 37 | or we could have sex in it. |
| 38 | Well, let me think about that... |
| 39 | while I remove my pants. |
| 40 | Okay, mister. |
| 41 | Fertilize me. |
| 42 | ( Janice laughing ) |
| 43 | Does that sound like Janice? |
| 44 | If it's not, then there's two of them |
| 45 | and that would mean it's the end of the world. |
| 46 | ♪ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ♪ |
| 47 | ♪ Your job's a joke, you're broke ♪ |
| 48 | ♪ Your love life's D.O.A. ♪ |
| 49 | ♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪ |
| 50 | ♪ When it hasn't been your day, your week ♪ |
| 51 | ♪ Your month, or even your year ♪ |
| 52 | ♪ But I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 53 | ♪ 'Cause you're there for me, too. ♪ |
| 54 | Hey. |
| 55 | ROSS: Hey. |
| 56 | Oh, hi. |
| 57 | I can't believe this is taking so long. |
| 58 | How are you doing? |
| 59 | Oh, not bad. |
| 60 | You know that feeling when you're trying |
| 61 | to blow a Saint Bernard out your ass? |
| 62 | The weirdest thing. |
| 63 | Did I hear...? |
| 64 | Mother of God, it's true. |
| 65 | Chandler Bing! |
| 66 | ( laughs ) |
| 67 | J-Janice. |
| 68 | Not just Janice. |
| 69 | Janice in labor. |
| 70 | Contracting and everything. |
| 71 | Oh, this should be easy. |
| 72 | I have a very wide pelvis. |
| 73 | You remember, Chandler? |
| 74 | ( laughs ) |
| 75 | Janice, I didn't even know you were pregnant. |
| 76 | Who's the... unwitting human whose essence you've stolen? |
| 77 | It's you. |
| 78 | This is yours. |
| 79 | What?! |
| 80 | ( laughs ) |
| 81 | Look how nervous he gets. |
| 82 | We haven't slept together in years. |
| 83 | ( laughs ) |
| 84 | That's funny. |
| 85 | Does it hurt? |
| 86 | Does the labor hurt? |
| 87 | Okay, I've got one for you. |
| 88 | Yeah. |
| 89 | If you had to, which would you rather eat-- |
| 90 | a seeing eye dog, or a talking gorilla? |
| 91 | That's a good one. |
| 92 | Mm-hmm. |
| 93 | I'd have to say... |
| 94 | the talking gorilla |
| 95 | 'cause at least I could explain to him |
| 96 | that you're making me eat him. |
| 97 | Oh. Somebody went to college. |
| 98 | Yeah. |
| 99 | What is it? I'm sorry. |
| 100 | Oh, I'm sorry. It's just |
| 101 | my foot itches like crazy. |
| 102 | Oh. I'll get it. |
| 103 | Wow. |
| 104 | I usually get to know a girl better |
| 105 | before I let her spoon me. |
| 106 | Relax. It's not like we're forking. |
| 107 | Ow, ow, ow, ow!! |
| 108 | Oh, that's five, Ross. |
| 109 | Five women have had five babies, and I have had no babies. |
| 110 | Why doesn't she want to come out? |
| 111 | You know what I think it is? |
| 112 | I think you made such a nice home for her |
| 113 | over the last nine months |
| 114 | that she just doesn't want to leave. |
| 115 | Oh. |
| 116 | Look at you making up crap for me. |
| 117 | Oh, God. |
| 118 | Ooh, ooh. Okay, okay. |
| 119 | Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. Oh. |
| 120 | 21 hours. |
| 121 | You're a hero. |
| 122 | Doctor, you got to do something. |
| 123 | You got to give me drugs |
| 124 | or you got to light a fire up in there |
| 125 | and just smoke it out. |
| 126 | Actually |
| 127 | I think you're ready to go to the delivery room. |
| 128 | What? |
| 129 | Ten centimeters. |
| 130 | You're about to become a mom. |
| 131 | Oh, my God. |
| 132 | Okay. |
| 133 | Ha, ha, ha. Beat you, sucker. |
| 134 | Oh, my God. |
| 135 | That's the doctor who was in my room before. |
| 136 | Huh. |
| 137 | Okay, Mr. Percocet. |
| 138 | I'm telling you |
| 139 | the guy from that show was here in my room |
| 140 | asking me all these weird questions. |
| 141 | Cliff |
| 142 | do you really believe |
| 143 | that a character from a TV show was here |
| 144 | in your room? |
| 145 | Rachel's having her baby! |
| 146 | That-that's him. |
| 147 | You know him? |
| 148 | Okay, okay. |
| 149 | I... okay. |
| 150 | Um, this... |
| 151 | I-I sent my friend Joey in here |
| 152 | to find out stuff about you. |
| 153 | Um, but, you know, if it helps |
| 154 | you came off great. |
| 155 | A lot better than I'm coming off right now. |
| 156 | I don't believe this. |
| 157 | You got him to pretend he was some fake doctor? |
| 158 | Fake? |
| 159 | Oh, excuse me. Hello. |
| 160 | And then you tried to make me think |
| 161 | that I was crazy? |
| 162 | You're right. |
| 163 | That was wrong. |
| 164 | I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. |
| 165 | It's just that I liked you so much. |
| 166 | Can we just... can we just start over? |
| 167 | I don't think so. |
| 168 | If I may. |
| 169 | Um, look, Cliff. |
| 170 | You told me a lot of personal stuff |
| 171 | about you, right? |
| 172 | Now, maybe-maybe it would help |
| 173 | if-if you knew some personal stuff about her. |
| 174 | Uh, she was married to a gay ice dancer. |
| 175 | Uh... she gave birth to her brother's triplets. |
| 176 | Uh... |
| 177 | Oh, oh. |
| 178 | Her twin sister used to do porn. |
| 179 | Yeah. Uh... |
| 180 | Joey, we're trying to dial down the crazy. |
| 181 | Right. |
| 182 | Um... |
| 183 | Look, we don't... |
| 184 | we don't really know each other |
| 185 | so it would be really easy to just forget about this, but |
| 186 | there seems to be something between us |
| 187 | and I don't know about you |
| 188 | but that doesn't happen to me a lot. |
| 189 | It doesn't happen to me, either. |
| 190 | Me neither. |
| 191 | Push. |
| 192 | ( groaning ): Oh. |
| 193 | That's it. Push. |
| 194 | We're going to push for five more seconds. |
| 195 | Five, four |
| 196 | three, two, one. |
| 197 | Oh! |
| 198 | ( breathing heavily ) |
| 199 | Okay, the next contraction should be |
| 200 | in about 20 seconds. |
| 201 | I can't. |
| 202 | I can't push anymore. I can't. |
| 203 | Sweetie, you're doing great. |
| 204 | Oh, God! |
| 205 | 20 seconds, my ass! |
| 206 | There we go. |
| 207 | Okay, keep pushing. |
| 208 | Come on, come on. |
| 209 | Push. Wait. |
| 210 | I see something. |
| 211 | What? You do, you do? |
| 212 | Oh, my God! |
| 213 | Don't say, "Oh, my God." |
| 214 | "Oh, my God," what? |
| 215 | What is that? |
| 216 | It's the baby's buttocks. |
| 217 | She's breech. |
| 218 | Oh, thank God. |
| 219 | I thought she had two heads. |
| 220 | Is she going to be okay? |
| 221 | She's going to be fine. Yeah, yeah. |
| 222 | She's in a more difficult position |
| 223 | so you're going to have to push even harder now. Go. |
| 224 | Go, go. |
| 225 | That's it. Push, push. |
| 226 | Rachel, you're going to have to push even harder. |
| 227 | Nothing's happening. I'm sorry, I can't. |
| 228 | Yes, you can. No, I can't. |
| 229 | Hey, hey, come on, you can. |
| 230 | I know you can do this. Let's go. |
| 231 | I can't. No, I can't. |
| 232 | Please, you do it for me. |
| 233 | No. Come on. |
| 234 | Let's go. One more time. |
| 235 | One final push. Ready? |
| 236 | One, two, three. |
| 237 | Oh. |
| 238 | Good. |
| 239 | ROSS: Keep pushing! |
| 240 | Are you okay? |
| 241 | Oh. You have no idea how much this hurts. |
| 242 | Keep going. Keep going. |
| 243 | Oh. |
| 244 | Here we go. |
| 245 | Oh. |
| 246 | Oh, oh, she's upside down |
| 247 | but she's coming, she's coming. |
| 248 | Oh, God. Oh, oh. |
| 249 | Oh, my God. |
| 250 | Oh, my God, she's here. |
| 251 | Hi. |
| 252 | ( Rachel crying and laughing ) |
| 253 | Oh, she's... she's perfect. Oh. |
| 254 | RACHEL: Wow! |
| 255 | Oh, she's so tiny. |
| 256 | Oh. |
| 257 | Where did she go? |
| 258 | Oh, it's okay. |
| 259 | They're just wrapping her up. |
| 260 | Okay. Well, be careful with her. |
| 261 | She's really tiny. |
| 262 | Here she is. |
| 263 | ( crying ) |
| 264 | Hi. |
| 265 | Oh, hi, you. |
| 266 | Oh, thanks for coming out of me. |
| 267 | ( crying ) |
| 268 | I know. |
| 269 | Oh. |
| 270 | Yes. Oh. |
| 271 | Oh, oh. |
| 272 | Oh, she's looking at me. |
| 273 | Hi. |
| 274 | I know you. |
| 275 | Do we have a name yet? |
| 276 | No. Not yet. |
| 277 | That's fine. |
| 278 | For now we'll just call her Baby Girl Green. |
| 279 | Oh, no. |
| 280 | Baby Girl Geller-Green. |
| 281 | Hello, baby girl. |
| 282 | PHOEBE: Can we come in? |
| 283 | Oh, come on in. Hi. |
| 284 | Oh, there she is. |
| 285 | PHOEBE: Oh, she's so beautiful. |
| 286 | Here. |
| 287 | Oh, my God. |
| 288 | She's amazing. |
| 289 | Oh... oh, I'm so glad you guys got drunk and had sex. |
| 290 | It's incredible. |
| 291 | I mean, one minute she's inside you |
| 292 | and then, 47 hours later, here she is. |
| 293 | Hi. |
| 294 | She looks so real. |
| 295 | You know what I mean. |
| 296 | Okay, my turn, my turn. |
| 297 | Aunt Phoebe. |
| 298 | Yes. Oh, baby. |
| 299 | Ooh, oh, you're so cute. |
| 300 | Oh, I could squeeze your little head. |
| 301 | I won't. |
| 302 | ( crying ) |
| 303 | Honey, what's the matter? |
| 304 | Nothing. I'm sorry. |
| 305 | I just can't stop crying. |
| 306 | The doctor said it's completely normal |
| 307 | with all the hormones. |
| 308 | Plus, you're sleep-deprived. |
| 309 | So? You guys are all sleep-deprived. |
| 310 | I don't see you weeping |
| 311 | because you put your slippers on the wrong feet. |
| 312 | Oh, God. |
| 313 | What's the matter now? |
| 314 | I was reliving it. |
| 315 | So, do you know what you're going to call her yet? |
| 316 | Oh, wait a minute. |
| 317 | It's not going to be Baby Girl? |
| 318 | I thought that was so original. |
| 319 | Uh, actually, we've narrowed it down to two names. |
| 320 | Yeah, and you know what? |
| 321 | I love them both. |
| 322 | So why don't you just pick one and that'll be it. |
| 323 | Wow. |
| 324 | Um... |
| 325 | okay. |
| 326 | Uh... everyone |
| 327 | this is Isabella. |
| 328 | Oh, I love it. Hi, Isabella. |
| 329 | ( whimpering ) |
| 330 | What? |
| 331 | That's not her name. |
| 332 | I'm sorry, she just doesn't feel like an Isabella. |
| 333 | What was the other one, Ross? |
| 334 | Um, Delilah. |
| 335 | Oh, great. |
| 336 | Suddenly she sounds like a Biblical whore. |
| 337 | So, I guess we're back to, uh, Baby Girl. |
| 338 | Yay! |
| 339 | What, what are we going to do? |
| 340 | It's okay, honey. |
| 341 | You'll find a name. |
| 342 | Ugh, easy for you to say. |
| 343 | You already know what your kids' names are going to be. |
| 344 | You do? |
| 345 | Yeah, I had them picked out since I was 14. |
| 346 | Oh, no, it's going to be named after |
| 347 | some snack or baked good, isn't it? |
| 348 | Well, tell us, what are they? |
| 349 | Um, okay. |
| 350 | If it's a boy, it's Daniel. |
| 351 | And if it's a girl? |
| 352 | I don't want to say. |
| 353 | Oh, just tell us. |
| 354 | We're not going to want it. |
| 355 | Okay. |
| 356 | It's Emma. |
| 357 | ( gasps ): Emma. |
| 358 | See, I don't want it. |
| 359 | Take it. |
| 360 | What? |
| 361 | She's clearly an Emma. |
| 362 | Oh, honey, but you love that name. |
| 363 | Yeah, but I love you more. |
| 364 | Besides, you know |
| 365 | nothing goes with Bing, so I'm screwed. |
| 366 | Yoo-hoo. |
| 367 | Aaron Litman-Garelnick |
| 368 | would like to say hello |
| 369 | to his future bride. |
| 370 | Oh. |
| 371 | ( gasps ) |
| 372 | Wow, he kind of takes your breath away, doesn't he? |
| 373 | He's a keeper. |
| 374 | How you feeling? |
| 375 | Oh, you know, I'm fi-ne. |
| 376 | Can I just say |
| 377 | I really admire what you're doing. |
| 378 | Just raising her all alone. |
| 379 | Oh, I'm not doing it alone. |
| 380 | I have Ross. |
| 381 | Oh, sure, now. |
| 382 | But what happens when he meets somebody else |
| 383 | and he gets married? |
| 384 | Well, then he gets a divorce. |
| 385 | It's Ross. |
| 386 | I'm telling you, Rachel, listen to Janice. |
| 387 | They all say they're going to be there |
| 388 | until they start their real family. |
| 389 | Well, I... I... |
| 390 | that's never going to happen with Ross. |
| 391 | That's what I thought about my first husband. |
| 392 | Now I'm lucky if my kid gets to spend the weekend |
| 393 | with her father and the twins and little Miss New Boobs. |
| 394 | Really? |
| 395 | Yeah. |
| 396 | I hate to be the one to say it |
| 397 | but, honey, you two are on your own. |
| 398 | Well... that's, you know, that's... |
| 399 | we've been alone for the last 20 minutes and we're doing okay. |
| 400 | Besides, you know what? |
| 401 | Maybe we won't be alone 'cause lately |
| 402 | things have been happening between me and Ross, you know? |
| 403 | And right before I went into labor |
| 404 | we, we had this kiss. |
| 405 | You know? |
| 406 | So, it might be the beginning of something. |
| 407 | Hey, Janice. |
| 408 | Oh, hi. Oh. |
| 409 | Who's this little guy-ah-y? |
| 410 | Say hello to Aaron. |
| 411 | Your future son-in-law. |
| 412 | Oh, no, no. |
| 413 | I'm going to leave you three alone. |
| 414 | Oh, okay. |
| 415 | Bye, Janice. |
| 416 | Man, you see the kid on that nose? |
| 417 | Uh-huh. |
| 418 | ( groaning ) |
| 419 | You know what I was, uh, I was thinking about? |
| 420 | Huh? |
| 421 | Um... |
| 422 | that kiss before we left the apartment. |
| 423 | That was, that was something, huh? |
| 424 | Yeah. |
| 425 | Yeah, it really was. |
| 426 | But we, we got to be careful. |
| 427 | We, you know, we can't let that happen again, you know? |
| 428 | Right. |
| 429 | I mean, we don't want to go down that road, do we? |
| 430 | No, no, of course not, no. |
| 431 | That's why I brought it up. |
| 432 | They didn't have any sodas? |
| 433 | Oh, my God. |
| 434 | I'm sorry. |
| 435 | I was talking to this nurse, completely forgot. |
| 436 | And so it begins. |
| 437 | She in there? |
| 438 | Yeah, she's putting her down now. |
| 439 | That's her. |
| 440 | Look at Emma. |
| 441 | I just can't decide |
| 442 | who she looks more like-- you or Rachel. |
| 443 | What are you kidding? |
| 444 | She's gorgeous. |
| 445 | It's all Rachel. |
| 446 | I'm sorry. |
| 447 | For the last time |
| 448 | why aren't you two together again? |
| 449 | ( sighs ) |
| 450 | No, I know, I know. |
| 451 | Because you're not "in that place." |
| 452 | Which would be fine, except you totally are. |
| 453 | It's, it's complicated, okay? |
| 454 | Yeah, that's true. |
| 455 | You love her, you always have |
| 456 | you have a child together. |
| 457 | There's no right answer. |
| 458 | Look, we've been together, okay? |
| 459 | And then apart, and then together. |
| 460 | And then apart. |
| 461 | And now we have a baby. |
| 462 | Mm-hmm. |
| 463 | It's just, if-if we got together again |
| 464 | and it didn't work out... |
| 465 | I can never do that to Emma. |
| 466 | ( crying ): I mean, she, she came into this world |
| 467 | thinking everything... |
| 468 | Oh, now me. |
| 469 | What, do they put something |
| 470 | in the water in this place? |
| 471 | It's just, Rachel and I, we're doing... |
| 472 | we're doing really well right now. |
| 473 | I know, I know. |
| 474 | I know. |
| 475 | And if you try to make it more |
| 476 | you might wreck it. |
| 477 | Yeah, exactly. |
| 478 | Or you might get everything you've wanted since you were 15. |
| 479 | ( knocking at door ) |
| 480 | Hey. |
| 481 | Hi. |
| 482 | I just saw a woman breast-feeding |
| 483 | both of her twins at the same time. |
| 484 | It is like a freak show up here. |
| 485 | What's the matter? |
| 486 | Nothing. |
| 487 | What is it, hey? |
| 488 | Really, it's nothing. |
| 489 | Rach, come on, what? |
| 490 | I've just been thinking |
| 491 | about how my baby and I are going to be all alone. |
| 492 | What are you talking about, alone? |
| 493 | What about Ross? |
| 494 | Oh, please. |
| 495 | He'll be with his real family-- |
| 496 | the twins and little Miss New Boobs. |
| 497 | Okay, how long was I watching that woman? |
| 498 | I'm just saying that, you know... |
| 499 | someday Ross is going to meet somebody |
| 500 | and he's going to have his own life. |
| 501 | Right? |
| 502 | I guess so. |
| 503 | Yeah. |
| 504 | I just never thought |
| 505 | I'd be raising this baby all by myself. |
| 506 | ( sighs ) |
| 507 | That's pretty dumb, huh? |
| 508 | Hey, you listen to me. |
| 509 | Listen to me. |
| 510 | You are never, ever going to be alone. |
| 511 | Okay, I promise. |
| 512 | I won't let that happen. |
| 513 | Oh, Joey. |
| 514 | Oh, sweetie, what would I do without you? |
| 515 | Hey, you don't have to worry about that, okay? |
| 516 | Oh, honey |
| 517 | could you grab me my other box of tissues? |
| 518 | They're right on that chair under Ross' coat. |
| 519 | Sure. |
| 520 | Oh, my God. |
| 521 | Joey. |
| 522 | Oh, my God! |
| 523 | Okay. |
| 524 | Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH |
| 525 | ( both sighing ) |
| 526 | That was amazing. |
| 527 | I know. |
| 528 | ( sighs ) |
| 529 | Hey... do you realize that... |
| 530 | we may have just changed our lives forever? |
| 531 | We may have just started our family. |
| 532 | Nine months from now, we could be here |
| 533 | having our own baby. |
| 534 | And if not, we got to do it on a bucket. |
| 535 | |
| 1 | Joey...? |
| 2 | Oh, my God. |
| 3 | Okay. |
| 4 | So, uh... |
| 5 | ( sighs ) |
| 6 | I guess we should make it official, huh? |
| 7 | Uh, look Rach, I... |
| 8 | Hey, Ross is here! |
| 9 | Hey, look, it's my good friend Ross! |
| 10 | Hey, Ross. |
| 11 | Hey, Joey. |
| 12 | ROSS: Hey, you. |
| 13 | Hey, you. |
| 14 | Look, and he brought flowers. |
| 15 | Oh, thanks, Ross. |
| 16 | I'm really more of a candy kind of guy. |
| 17 | ( exaggerated chuckle ) |
| 18 | You're weird today. |
| 19 | Listen, I, uh... |
| 20 | I wanted to talk to you about something. |
| 21 | Yeah, actually |
| 22 | I kind of need to talk to you, too. |
| 23 | Uh, Joey, can you give us just a minute? |
| 24 | No. |
| 25 | What? |
| 26 | I'm sorry. I meant... no. |
| 27 | Hey. |
| 28 | Look who's here. |
| 29 | Where's my granddaughter? |
| 30 | I've been practicing my magic tricks. |
| 31 | He pulled a quarter out of my ear. |
| 32 | Hey, where's Mom? |
| 33 | She went to pick up Aunt Liddy. |
| 34 | Oh, Aunt Liddy's coming? |
| 35 | That means we get five dollars each! |
| 36 | So when do I get to meet Emma |
| 37 | and show her this? |
| 38 | Okay, wow. |
| 39 | Uh, Dad, Emma's in the nursery. |
| 40 | I'll take you now if you want. |
| 41 | But I really want to talk to you. |
| 42 | I know. I still need to talk to you. |
| 43 | But before you guys do that |
| 44 | I need to talk to you |
| 45 | and, Ross, I need to talk to you. |
| 46 | Oh, and I need to talk to you. |
| 47 | About what? |
| 48 | See if you know what these guys |
| 49 | are talking about. |
| 50 | ♪ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ♪ |
| 51 | ♪ Your job's a joke, you're broke ♪ |
| 52 | ♪ Your love life's D.O.A. ♪ |
| 53 | ♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪ |
| 54 | ♪ When it hasn't been your day, your week ♪ |
| 55 | ♪ Your month, or even your year ♪ |
| 56 | ♪ But I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 57 | ♪ When the rain starts to pour ♪ |
| 58 | ♪ I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 59 | ♪ Like I've been there before ♪ |
| 60 | ♪ I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 61 | ♪ 'Cause you're there for me, too. ♪ |
| 62 | MONICA: Isn't she beautiful? |
| 63 | Look at her. |
| 64 | My first grandchild. |
| 65 | What about Ben? |
| 66 | Well, of course Ben. |
| 67 | I meant my first granddaughter. |
| 68 | ( mouthing ) |
| 69 | Oh, Ross. |
| 70 | Hmm? |
| 71 | Have you thought any more about you and Rachel? |
| 72 | Oh, yeah, actually I was going to talk |
| 73 | to her when you guys all came in the room. |
| 74 | Yay! That's so exciting. |
| 75 | You could have done that with us there. |
| 76 | Yeah, right. |
| 77 | Oh, sure, okay. |
| 78 | You can touch yourself in front of us |
| 79 | but you can't talk to Rachel. |
| 80 | What?! |
| 81 | When have I ever touched myself |
| 82 | in front of you guys? |
| 83 | Oh, please. |
| 84 | Just before when you were asleep in the lounge. |
| 85 | That Armenian family |
| 86 | was watching you instead of the TV. |
| 87 | That reminds me-- |
| 88 | that Mr. Hosmigian still has my Gameboy. |
| 89 | ( whispering ): Hey, Chandler, can I talk to you for a second? |
| 90 | Sure. |
| 91 | Dude, I just did something terrible. |
| 92 | That was you? |
| 93 | I thought it was Jack. |
| 94 | No, no, that was Jack. |
| 95 | No. Rachel thinks I asked her to marry me. |
| 96 | What? Why does she think that? |
| 97 | Because it kind of looked like I did. |
| 98 | Again, what? |
| 99 | Okay, well, I was down on one knee |
| 100 | with the ring in my hand... |
| 101 | As we all are at some point during the day. |
| 102 | It wasn't my ring. |
| 103 | It fell out of Ross's jacket |
| 104 | and when I knelt down to pick it up |
| 105 | Rachel thought I was proposing. |
| 106 | Ross had a ring? |
| 107 | And he was going to propose? |
| 108 | I guess. |
| 109 | And you did it first? |
| 110 | This is going to kill him. |
| 111 | You know how much he loves to propose. |
| 112 | I know, I know. |
| 113 | It's awful. |
| 114 | Well, what did she say? |
| 115 | She said yes. |
| 116 | Does Ross know? |
| 117 | Oh, my God. |
| 118 | What the hell am I going to tell him? |
| 119 | Well, maybe you don't have to tell him anything. |
| 120 | Ooh, I like that. Yeah. |
| 121 | If you clear things up with Rachel |
| 122 | then Ross never needs to find out |
| 123 | but you have to do it now before he hears about it |
| 124 | and kicks your ass. |
| 125 | Let's not get carried away. |
| 126 | I want a baby. |
| 127 | Honey, we've been over this. |
| 128 | I need to be facing the other way. |
| 129 | Come on. |
| 130 | Come on. |
| 131 | If we have sex again |
| 132 | it'll double our chances of getting pregnant. |
| 133 | I think that closet's still available. |
| 134 | I am so tired. |
| 135 | Yeah, okay, but no foreplay. |
| 136 | Deal. |
| 137 | Dad, seriously! |
| 138 | You know, you really should |
| 139 | see someone about that. |
| 140 | Noted. |
| 141 | I want to go talk to Rachel for a minute. |
| 142 | Are you going to be okay alone for a bit? |
| 143 | Are you kidding me? |
| 144 | I could stay and look at her forever. |
| 145 | Actually, uh... |
| 146 | Hey. |
| 147 | Hi. |
| 148 | Are you all right? |
| 149 | Um... I... |
| 150 | I think I just got engaged. |
| 151 | Oh, my God! He did it? |
| 152 | Did you know he was going to ask me? |
| 153 | Are you kidding? |
| 154 | I'm like the one who talked him into it. |
| 155 | I like to think of myself |
| 156 | as the puppet master of the group. |
| 157 | And you really think this is a good idea? |
| 158 | I just talked him into it. |
| 159 | Don't tell me I have to do you, too. |
| 160 | The puppet master gets tired, people. |
| 161 | I don't know. |
| 162 | It just doesn't feel right. |
| 163 | Why? You two are so meant to be together. |
| 164 | Everybody thinks so. |
| 165 | Really? |
| 166 | Even Ross? |
| 167 | Especially Ross. |
| 168 | Oh, uh, hey, Pheebs. |
| 169 | You know what? |
| 170 | I'll... I'll come back later. |
| 171 | Wow, kind of a full house here. |
| 172 | I guess I'll just... |
| 173 | I'll come back. |
| 174 | There he goes. |
| 175 | Your fiancé. |
| 176 | I guess so. |
| 177 | Although he does play with himself in his sleep. |
| 178 | Can't say I'm surprised. |
| 179 | Dad, what are you doing? |
| 180 | I think there are people in there having sex. |
| 181 | Can't be me. |
| 182 | I'm standing right here. |
| 183 | Want to peek? No! |
| 184 | Come on! |
| 185 | You know what? |
| 186 | I don't like you without Mom. |
| 187 | Come on. |
| 188 | We're not peeking? |
| 189 | Well, I'm peeking. |
| 190 | Oh, my God! |
| 191 | CHANDLER: Hello, sir. |
| 192 | You know Monica. |
| 193 | ( mouthing ) |
| 194 | Hey, uh, is it okay to come in? |
| 195 | Of course. |
| 196 | Oh, Joey, this ring... |
| 197 | I... it's beautiful. |
| 198 | I love it. |
| 199 | Yeah, uh, look, Rach |
| 200 | there's something I got to tell you. |
| 201 | ( knocking ) |
| 202 | Hey. |
| 203 | Hi. |
| 204 | Are you ready to try nursing again? |
| 205 | Yeah. |
| 206 | Hi, Emma. |
| 207 | Hey, why do you think she won't take my breast? |
| 208 | It's all right, honey. |
| 209 | Takes some babies a while to get it. |
| 210 | But don't worry, it'll happen. |
| 211 | Yowza. |
| 212 | RACHEL: Okay, sweetie |
| 213 | you can do it. |
| 214 | Just open up and put it in your mouth. |
| 215 | Dear Lord. |
| 216 | I'm sorry, honey, what were you saying? |
| 217 | Uh, uh, yeah, look, I-I think that... |
| 218 | Oh, 'cause look, she's pulling away again. |
| 219 | Do you think my nipples are too big for her mouth? |
| 220 | She looks scared. |
| 221 | Doesn't she look scared? |
| 222 | You know, I don't really know her. |
| 223 | Why don't we try massaging the breast to stimulate the flow. |
| 224 | Are you kidding me? |
| 225 | Oh, it's just so frustrating. |
| 226 | She doesn't she want my breast? |
| 227 | I don't know, maybe she's crazy! |
| 228 | Oh, hey, wait up. |
| 229 | Hi. |
| 230 | Congratulations. |
| 231 | I didn't want to say anything in front of Joey |
| 232 | 'cause I didn't know if he knew yet. |
| 233 | What, that we had a baby? |
| 234 | Let's give him a little credit. |
| 235 | Although he did eat a piece of plastic fruit earlier. |
| 236 | No, no, that you and Rachel are engaged. |
| 237 | What? |
| 238 | Oh, it's a secret? |
| 239 | Oh, goody. Yes. |
| 240 | Ooh, we haven't done the secret thing in a long time. |
| 241 | Phoebe, there is no secret, okay? |
| 242 | I didn't propose. |
| 243 | Are you lying? |
| 244 | Is this like that time you tried to convince us |
| 245 | you were a doctor? |
| 246 | I am a doctor! |
| 247 | You know what? |
| 248 | I'm just going to go and talk to Rachel myself. |
| 249 | All right, me, too. |
| 250 | Shh. |
| 251 | Should we wake her up? |
| 252 | No, no. Come on, let her sleep. |
| 253 | She's so exhausted. |
| 254 | And so engaged. |
| 255 | ( hums dramatic phrase ) |
| 256 | Oh, my God! |
| 257 | She... she thinks we're engaged! |
| 258 | Why, why, why would she think we're engaged? |
| 259 | Perhaps because you gave her an engagement ring? |
| 260 | You know, Ross, doctors are supposed to be smart. |
| 261 | I didn't give her that ring. |
| 262 | You didn't? No. |
| 263 | So whose ring is it? |
| 264 | It's mine. |
| 265 | Is it an engagement ring? |
| 266 | Yes. |
| 267 | But you didn't give it to her? |
| 268 | No. |
| 269 | But you were going to propose? |
| 270 | No! |
| 271 | Huh. I might be losing interest in this. |
| 272 | Look... look, my mom gave me that ring |
| 273 | because she wanted me to propose to Rachel |
| 274 | but all I wanted to do is see if |
| 275 | she maybe kind of wanted to start things up again. |
| 276 | Oh, what beautiful lukewarm sentiment. |
| 277 | Look, I didn't want to rush into anything. |
| 278 | And it seemed like she didn't want to either. |
| 279 | But I don't understand how... |
| 280 | how any of this happened. |
| 281 | What, did she find the ring in my jacket-- |
| 282 | assume I was going to propose-- |
| 283 | throw it on and just start telling people? |
| 284 | No, no, she said you actually proposed to her. |
| 285 | Well, I didn't! |
| 286 | I didn't propose! |
| 287 | Unless... |
| 288 | Did I? |
| 289 | I haven't slept in 40 hours |
| 290 | and... |
| 291 | ...it does sound like something I would do. |
| 292 | Look, we can't stay in here forever. |
| 293 | Oh, I still can't believe that |
| 294 | my dad saw us having sex. |
| 295 | He didn't make it to one of my piano recitals |
| 296 | but this, he sees. |
| 297 | This is okay. |
| 298 | We're all adults here. |
| 299 | There's nothing to be ashamed of. |
| 300 | Now let's put our underwear in our pockets |
| 301 | and walk out the door. |
| 302 | Hi, Dad. |
| 303 | I can still call you that, right? |
| 304 | Of course. I'll always be your dad. |
| 305 | I just want you to know |
| 306 | that what you witnessed in there |
| 307 | that wasn't for fun. |
| 308 | It wasn't fun? |
| 309 | Why, why, why would you...? |
| 310 | Look, I just don't want you to think that |
| 311 | we're animals who do it whenever we want. |
| 312 | I don't think that. |
| 313 | Before today, I never thought of you two having sex at all. |
| 314 | It was a simpler time. |
| 315 | The truth is, Dad, we're trying. |
| 316 | What? |
| 317 | We're trying to get pregnant. |
| 318 | Oh, my God, this is so exciting! |
| 319 | Well, get back in there! I'll guard the door! |
| 320 | It's okay, Dad. |
| 321 | We can wait until later. |
| 322 | Whoa, whoa, whoa. |
| 323 | I don't think so. Aren't you ovulating? |
| 324 | Daddy?! |
| 325 | Well, you got to get at it, Princess. |
| 326 | When your mother and I were trying to conceive you |
| 327 | whenever she was ovulating, bam, we did it. |
| 328 | That's how I got my bad hip. |
| 329 | That's funny. This conversation's how |
| 330 | I got the bullet hole in my head. |
| 331 | This one time I had my knee up on the sink |
| 332 | and your mother, she was... |
| 333 | Daddy, I don't think we need to hear |
| 334 | about the specific positions you and mom had sex. |
| 335 | You're right. This is about your positions. |
| 336 | Now, what I saw in the closet is not the optimum position |
| 337 | for conceiving a child, although it might feel good. |
| 338 | I don't feel good right now. |
| 339 | But pleasure is important |
| 340 | and it helps if the woman has an orgasm. |
| 341 | You up to the task, sailor? |
| 342 | Seriously, sir, my brains? All over the wall. |
| 343 | Hey. Hey. |
| 344 | I need to tell you something. |
| 345 | Well, now's a good time. |
| 346 | I'm on my way to have my ears cut off. |
| 347 | Joey asked me to marry him. |
| 348 | What? |
| 349 | Joey proposed to me. |
| 350 | Is he crazy? You just had Ross's baby. |
| 351 | I said yes. |
| 352 | What, are you crazy? You just had Ross's baby. |
| 353 | It's so inappropriate. |
| 354 | It's worse than that. It is wrong. |
| 355 | It's... It is bigger than mine. |
| 356 | I know. |
| 357 | Days of Our Lives, thank you very much. |
| 358 | You can't marry him. |
| 359 | Why not? |
| 360 | I don't want to do this alone |
| 361 | and he's such a sweet guy and he loves me so much. |
| 362 | Do you love him? |
| 363 | Sure. |
| 364 | Sure? |
| 365 | Yeah, I mean, whatever. |
| 366 | Honey, the question is... |
| 367 | do you really want to marry Joey? |
| 368 | No. No, I don't. |
| 369 | Could you be a dear and go tell him? |
| 370 | You still haven't told Rachel you weren't really proposing? |
| 371 | No. She had the ring on |
| 372 | she seemed so excited |
| 373 | and then she took her breast out. |
| 374 | Joey, you have to tell her what's going on. |
| 375 | And what did it look like? |
| 376 | I didn't look at it. |
| 377 | Stupid baby's head was blocking most of it. |
| 378 | Go and tell Rachel right now |
| 379 | before Ross finds out. |
| 380 | It's not that easy. |
| 381 | She said she wanted to marry me. |
| 382 | I don't want to hurt her. |
| 383 | Okay, look, just do it gently. |
| 384 | You're right. You're right. |
| 385 | I'll go tell her now before Ross finds out |
| 386 | and I'll be gentle. I can do that. |
| 387 | I am a gentle person. |
| 388 | Oh, by the way |
| 389 | two people screwing in there |
| 390 | if you want to check that out. |
| 391 | Hey. |
| 392 | Hey. |
| 393 | Listen, I, um... |
| 394 | I heard about the engagement. |
| 395 | Surprised? |
| 396 | And confused. |
| 397 | Rach, sweetie, I, um... |
| 398 | I didn't propose to you. |
| 399 | I know. |
| 400 | I don't think you do. |
| 401 | You didn't propose to me. |
| 402 | Joey did. |
| 403 | Poor baby, you're so tired. |
| 404 | Rach, I didn't propose to you |
| 405 | Joey didn't propose to you |
| 406 | and Chandler didn't propose to you. |
| 407 | Uh... |
| 408 | you didn't propose to me |
| 409 | Chandler didn't propose to me |
| 410 | but Joey did. |
| 411 | Joey proposed to you? |
| 412 | I can come back. |
| 413 | Hey, wait, wait, wait. |
| 414 | Joey, did you propose to her? |
| 415 | No. |
| 416 | Yes, you did. |
| 417 | Actually, technically, I didn't. |
| 418 | Well, then why did you give me a ring? |
| 419 | Wait. You gave her the ring? |
| 420 | No, no, and I did not ask her to marry me. |
| 421 | Yes, you did! |
| 422 | No, I didn't. Yes, you did. |
| 423 | No, I didn't. |
| 424 | Yes, you did |
| 425 | and don't you say you didn't! |
| 426 | ( groans ) He was right there. |
| 427 | He got down on one knee and he proposed. |
| 428 | Whoa, you were down on one knee? |
| 429 | Yeah, yeah, that looks bad. |
| 430 | But I didn't... |
| 431 | I didn't propose. |
| 432 | Then what did happen? |
| 433 | Yeah, what did happen? |
| 434 | The ring fell on the floor |
| 435 | and I went down to pick it up |
| 436 | and you thought I was proposing. |
| 437 | Yeah, but you said, "Will you marry me?" |
| 438 | No, I didn't. |
| 439 | Yes, you did! |
| 440 | No, I didn't. |
| 441 | Yes, you did. |
| 442 | Oh, my God, you didn't! |
| 443 | ( shouts ) |
| 444 | Then why didn't you tell me that before?! |
| 445 | I tried, but people kept coming in |
| 446 | and then you took your breast out. |
| 447 | Whoa! Hey! |
| 448 | Whoa, whoa, whoa. You saw her breast? |
| 449 | ( whispers ): I'll tell you about it later. Be cool. |
| 450 | Then, Joey, what the hell were you doing |
| 451 | with an engagement ring?! |
| 452 | It wasn't my ring. |
| 453 | It's Ross's ring. |
| 454 | That's why I felt so bad, Rach |
| 455 | because he was going to propose. |
| 456 | What? |
| 457 | You were going to propose to me? |
| 458 | Uh... |
| 459 | No. |
| 460 | Well, this is awkward. |
| 461 | But I was going to see if you maybe wanted |
| 462 | to start dating again |
| 463 | but I mean, that was all, Rach. |
| 464 | Dude, step up. I proposed. |
| 465 | No, you didn't. |
| 466 | Oh, that's right. |
| 467 | There's a lot going on here |
| 468 | and I think I ate some bad fruit earlier. |
| 469 | ( knocking ) |
| 470 | Hey, she just woke up. She's hungry. |
| 471 | Why don't we give this another try? |
| 472 | Okay. |
| 473 | I can't believe you told her |
| 474 | I was going to propose. |
| 475 | I can't believe you're not going to propose. |
| 476 | Hey, I'm not going to rush into anything. |
| 477 | Oh, yeah, dude, I totally understand. |
| 478 | Usually after I have a baby with a woman |
| 479 | I like to slow things down! |
| 480 | Oh, my God! What? |
| 481 | She's doing it! She's breast-feeding, look. |
| 482 | Oh, it's beautiful. |
| 483 | I'll come back for her later. |
| 484 | Okay. Thank you. |
| 485 | Oh, wow, this feels weird. |
| 486 | Good weird? |
| 487 | Wonderful weird. |
| 488 | You know what, you guys? |
| 489 | I'm going to go, too. |
| 490 | I'm sorry about everything. |
| 491 | Honey, don't worry. |
| 492 | It was my mistake. |
| 493 | No, Rach, I should have told you sooner. |
| 494 | It's just that... |
| 495 | Man, that kid is going to town! |
| 496 | She's perfect. |
| 497 | We're so lucky. |
| 498 | We really are. |
| 499 | Look, I know it's not a proposal |
| 500 | and I don't know where you are |
| 501 | but with everything that's been going on and with Emma... |
| 502 | I've been feeling... |
| 503 | I know. I know. |
| 504 | I'm feeling. |
| 505 | Yeah? |
| 506 | ( laughs nervously ) |
| 507 | Okay, well, that... |
| 508 | Wow, okay, well, um... |
| 509 | then, maybe, at least we can talk about us again. |
| 510 | Yeah, maybe. |
| 511 | Well, good, okay. |
| 512 | I-I, kind of think, you know, if we... |
| 513 | You're wearing the ring. |
| 514 | Wh-What's that? |
| 515 | And you told Phoebe you were engaged. |
| 516 | I'm sorry. What? |
| 517 | When you thought Joey proposed, did... |
| 518 | did you say yes? |
| 519 | Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org |
| 520 | Kids, I spoke to a doctor |
| 521 | and picked up these pamphlets on how to get pregnant. |
| 522 | Hey, Dad. |
| 523 | Sorry to bother you again |
| 524 | but could you pass my pamphlets back? |
| 525 | Thank you. |
| 526 | |
| 1 | You said you'd marry Joey? |
| 2 | You have to realize I was exhausted |
| 3 | I was emotional... |
| 4 | I would have said yes to anybody. |
| 5 | Like the time when you and I got married. |
| 6 | I'm not helping. |
| 7 | So you said yes to him |
| 8 | and you just had our baby. |
| 9 | That is right. |
| 10 | And traditionally, the daddy is supposed to give the mommy a present |
| 11 | but I am prepared to let that go. |
| 12 | So when I came in here |
| 13 | to see if you wanted to maybe start things up again |
| 14 | you were engaged to my best friend. |
| 15 | Well... really? |
| 16 | I thought Chandler was your best friend. |
| 17 | Chandler's my oldest friend. |
| 18 | Joey's more... No. uh-uh-uh! |
| 19 | Hey, guys, I'm gonna take off. |
| 20 | I just wanted to say good-bye. |
| 21 | Rachel said she'd marry you? |
| 22 | This isn't the right room. Sorry, folks. |
| 23 | ♪ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ♪ |
| 24 | ♪ Your job's a joke, you're broke ♪ |
| 25 | ♪ Your love life's D.O.A. ♪ |
| 26 | ♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪ |
| 27 | ♪ When it hasn't been your day, your week ♪ |
| 28 | ♪ Your month, or even your year ♪ |
| 29 | ♪ But I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 30 | ♪ When the rain starts to pour ♪ |
| 31 | ♪ I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 32 | ♪ Like I've been there before ♪ |
| 33 | ♪ I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 34 | ♪ 'Cause you're there for me, too. ♪ |
| 35 | Okay, I don't want to be negative |
| 36 | so I'll say that most of the signs you bought are good. |
| 37 | No, they ran out of "It's a girl." |
| 38 | But I can fix this one. |
| 39 | You see? |
| 40 | Mm-hmm. |
| 41 | So sexy. |
| 42 | Honey? |
| 43 | Yeah? |
| 44 | Honey, why don't you go lie down? |
| 45 | No, no, it's okay-- Ross and Rachel will be back soon |
| 46 | and then I got to go to the office. |
| 47 | Am I producing them? |
| 48 | Why are you so tired? |
| 49 | I couldn't sleep last night. |
| 50 | And then I start worrying |
| 51 | about this big divisional meeting I have later today. |
| 52 | The more I worried about it, the more I couldn't sleep. |
| 53 | You know, I was like |
| 54 | "If I fall asleep now, I'll get six hours' sleep." |
| 55 | Then, "If I fall asleep now, I'll get five hours' sleep." |
| 56 | No matter what I did, I couldn't fall asleep. |
| 57 | You know what you should have done? |
| 58 | You should have told yourself that little story. |
| 59 | Hi. |
| 60 | Welcome home. |
| 61 | Phoebe did the signs. |
| 62 | RACHEL: Oh, you guys. |
| 63 | Thanks for doing this. |
| 64 | Look at all stuff people sent. |
| 65 | Ohh... ah! |
| 66 | Oh, my gosh. Look, there's something every mother needs. |
| 67 | A giant stuffed gorilla |
| 68 | that takes up the entire apartment. |
| 69 | What are people think... |
| 70 | Oh, you guys, I love it. |
| 71 | And so, where's Ross? |
| 72 | He's downstairs getting the stuff out of the cab. |
| 73 | Uh, is he still mad at us? |
| 74 | Well, you more than me. |
| 75 | But he can't stay too mad at me. |
| 76 | I mean, I just had his baby. |
| 77 | That's not fair. I can't do that. |
| 78 | Yeah, and I'm not so sure you should be here when he comes up. |
| 79 | See, this is what I was afraid of. |
| 80 | I didn't think I should be here either |
| 81 | but somebody said he'd be over it by now. |
| 82 | Hey, what do I know? |
| 83 | I wanted to get a bigger gorilla. |
| 84 | The numbers we're seeing |
| 85 | in Chicago, New York and London |
| 86 | are consistently solid |
| 87 | but many of our field offices |
| 88 | have reported disappointing yields. |
| 89 | Boston is down, Atlanta is down |
| 90 | Houston is down-- I could go on and on |
| 91 | but instead of boring you |
| 92 | I'll go straight to my 42-point plan. |
| 93 | Walter. |
| 94 | PHOEBE: She's just so cute. |
| 95 | Oh, I just want to bite her ear off |
| 96 | and use it as a sucking candy. |
| 97 | Phoebe! |
| 98 | But I could take one of those little feet |
| 99 | and put it in a pita pocket. |
| 100 | Okay, I put most of the stuff away. |
| 101 | Oh, great. The pacifiers? |
| 102 | Uh, it's in the cupboard. |
| 103 | The burping cloths? |
| 104 | Uh, linen closet. |
| 105 | The diapers? |
| 106 | In the hospital. |
| 107 | You guys got a hospital? Fancy. |
| 108 | Well, I, uh, left the diapers at the hospital. |
| 109 | There's some in the bag, but I'll run out and get some more. |
| 110 | All right, thanks. |
| 111 | Could you stop at the coffee house and get me a muffin? |
| 112 | Oh, sure. What kind? |
| 113 | Uh, let me think. |
| 114 | What do I want? |
| 115 | What do I want? |
| 116 | Please, take your time. |
| 117 | It's an important decision. |
| 118 | Not like, say, I don't know, deciding to marry someone. |
| 119 | This is about a muffin. |
| 120 | Blueberry. |
| 121 | Blueberry it is. Thank you. |
| 122 | Wow, he's really not letting this go, is he? |
| 123 | How long do you think that's going to last? |
| 124 | Well, I don't know-- he got over |
| 125 | the "we were on a break" thing really quickly. |
| 126 | You know, I can't even worry about it right now. |
| 127 | 'Cause I've got the cutie little baby. |
| 128 | Oh, I can't believe how much I love her. |
| 129 | I mean, I can't get enough of her. |
| 130 | Like, right now, I miss her. |
| 131 | I actually miss her. |
| 132 | You know, that's... that's her. |
| 133 | Oh, God, look at her sleeping. |
| 134 | Oh, I love you so much. |
| 135 | I think I'm going to wake her up. |
| 136 | No, no, Rach. You know, you're never supposed |
| 137 | to wake a sleeping baby. |
| 138 | I can do whatever I want. |
| 139 | I made her. |
| 140 | Come on, little girl, oh, yes. |
| 141 | Hello, Emma, hi. |
| 142 | ( Emma crying ) |
| 143 | Oh... |
| 144 | Oh, I'm sorry. |
| 145 | I would say "I told you so" |
| 146 | but she's kind of doing that for me. |
| 147 | I'm sorry. |
| 148 | Oh, Mommy's so sorry. |
| 149 | Go back to sleep... shh-shh-shh. |
| 150 | Go back to sleep. |
| 151 | It really breaks your heart, doesn't it? |
| 152 | It really does. |
| 153 | How long do you think we have to stay? |
| 154 | Okay, if everyone's on board, it's settled. Chandler! |
| 155 | Chandler! |
| 156 | Yeah? |
| 157 | Are you on board? |
| 158 | Yes. |
| 159 | Then problem solved. |
| 160 | Chandler will be running our office in Tulsa. |
| 161 | You're going to love Oklahoma. |
| 162 | ( Emma crying ) |
| 163 | All right, we already tried |
| 164 | feeding her, changing her, burping her... |
| 165 | Oh, try this one. |
| 166 | Go back in time and listen to Phoebe. |
| 167 | All right, here's something. |
| 168 | It says to try holding the baby close to your body |
| 169 | and then swing her rapidly from side to side. |
| 170 | Okay. |
| 171 | ( crying stops ) |
| 172 | It worked. |
| 173 | Oh... no... just stopped to throw up a little bit. |
| 174 | Oh, what am I going to do? |
| 175 | It's been hours and it won't stop crying. |
| 176 | Uh, "she," Rach. |
| 177 | Not "it"-- "she." |
| 178 | Yeah, I'm not so sure. |
| 179 | God, I'm losing my mind. |
| 180 | Yeah, no kidding. |
| 181 | This just proves no good can come |
| 182 | from having sex with Ross! |
| 183 | Hey, Gunther, could I get a couple of blueberry muffins to go? |
| 184 | Diapers, huh? |
| 185 | Yep. |
| 186 | So I guess Rachel had your baby. |
| 187 | Yep. Can you believe it? |
| 188 | Nope. |
| 189 | I can't even believe she slept with you in the first place. |
| 190 | Huh? |
| 191 | Oh, oh, you mean like, uh... |
| 192 | Huh? |
| 193 | Hey. |
| 194 | Your muffins. |
| 195 | Ross, I know you're pissed at me |
| 196 | but we have to talk about this. |
| 197 | Uh, actually, uh, we don't. |
| 198 | Fine, okay, fine, but I got to say |
| 199 | technically, I didn't even do anything wrong. |
| 200 | What? You didn't do anything wrong? |
| 201 | I-I said I didn't technically. |
| 202 | Well, let's put aside the fact that you |
| 203 | "accidentally" picked up my grandmother's ring |
| 204 | and you "accidentally" proposed to Rachel... |
| 205 | Can I just stop you right there for a second? |
| 206 | When people do this... |
| 207 | I don't really know what that means. |
| 208 | You were saying? |
| 209 | And I can even understand that you couldn't tell Rachel |
| 210 | but why couldn't you tell me, huh? |
| 211 | You had all day to, and you didn't. |
| 212 | I know. I should have. |
| 213 | I'm "sorry." |
| 214 | Not using it right, Joe. |
| 215 | I'm going to go. |
| 216 | No. Come on, look, Ross. |
| 217 | We have to get past this. |
| 218 | Give me the bag. |
| 219 | No. I don't know what else to do. |
| 220 | I said I'm sorry. |
| 221 | Joey... |
| 222 | Now you should scream at me |
| 223 | or curse me or hit me. |
| 224 | I'm not going to hit you. |
| 225 | Why not? |
| 226 | You'll feel better. I'll feel better. |
| 227 | And you know you want to. |
| 228 | I can see it in your eyes. |
| 229 | No, I don't. |
| 230 | A little bit. |
| 231 | No. |
| 232 | A little bit. |
| 233 | No. |
| 234 | A little bit more. |
| 235 | Give me the bag. No, hit me. |
| 236 | Give me the bag. Hit me. |
| 237 | Joey, give me the bag. Hit me. Hit me. |
| 238 | Joe, I'm not kidding. Hit me! Hit me! Hit me! |
| 239 | You ducked! |
| 240 | I'm sorry. It was a reflex. |
| 241 | Oh, my God! |
| 242 | This really hurts! |
| 243 | I couldn't help it. |
| 244 | When a fist comes at your face, you duck. |
| 245 | Look. |
| 246 | What is the matter with you?! |
| 247 | You were supposed to duck. Why didn't you duck? |
| 248 | Why don't we talk about this on the way to the hospital. |
| 249 | Good, good, yeah. |
| 250 | Maybe while we're there, they can check your reflexes. |
| 251 | "Oops." |
| 252 | ( Emma crying ) |
| 253 | Try feeding her again. |
| 254 | I already fed her. |
| 255 | I know. That's why I said "again." |
| 256 | You guys, we can't turn on each other, okay? |
| 257 | That's just what she wants. |
| 258 | Hi. MONICA: Hey. |
| 259 | Monica, can I talk to you outside for a minute? |
| 260 | Oh, no, you guys just stay here. |
| 261 | I'm going to go check her diaper. |
| 262 | Pheebs, you want to come? |
| 263 | Oh, I'm kind of part of this. |
| 264 | Actually, Pheebs |
| 265 | it's more of a husband and wife kind of thing. |
| 266 | I knew I should have married Chandler. |
| 267 | Okay, what's up? |
| 268 | Okay, um... |
| 269 | You know how we always said it would be fun |
| 270 | to move to Paris for a year? |
| 271 | You could study French cooking |
| 272 | and I could write, and we could picnic |
| 273 | along the Seine |
| 274 | and go wine tasting in Bordeaux? |
| 275 | Oh, yes. |
| 276 | Okay, you know how people say that Tulsa... |
| 277 | is the Paris of Oklahoma? |
| 278 | What? Who says that? |
| 279 | People who have never been to Paris. |
| 280 | Wh-What's going on? |
| 281 | We're moving to Tulsa. |
| 282 | Excuse me? |
| 283 | Okay, Ms. McKenna |
| 284 | she kind of, uh, works above my boss. |
| 285 | She asked me to move to Tulsa |
| 286 | and be the president of our office there |
| 287 | and I was sleeping and apparently said yes. |
| 288 | Tulsa, Oklahoma?! |
| 289 | The Sooner state. |
| 290 | Whatever that is. |
| 291 | Chandler, I don't even want to see the musical Oklahoma! |
| 292 | Really? "Oh, What a Beautiful Morning"? |
| 293 | "Surrey With The Fringe On Top"? |
| 294 | Are you trying to tell me that we're moving to Oklahoma |
| 295 | or that you're gay? |
| 296 | Not that this matters |
| 297 | but did they at least offer you a huge raise? |
| 298 | No, no. |
| 299 | But they are going to lease us a Ford Focus. |
| 300 | I'll get out of it. |
| 301 | Thank you. |
| 302 | ( Emma crying ) |
| 303 | What is wrong with Emma? |
| 304 | Oh, she misunderstood. |
| 305 | She thought she was moving to Tulsa. |
| 306 | Ma'am, do you have a minute? |
| 307 | I kind of have some bad news. |
| 308 | I don't think I can move to Tulsa. |
| 309 | What? |
| 310 | Uh, it's a funny story, actually. |
| 311 | ( clears throat ) |
| 312 | Uh, I kind of fell asleep in the meeting this morning. |
| 313 | So when I said I'd move to Tulsa |
| 314 | I didn't really know what I was saying. |
| 315 | You fell asleep? |
| 316 | But only because I was up all night |
| 317 | worried about this meeting. |
| 318 | Isn't that funny? |
| 319 | Irony. Not a fan? All right. |
| 320 | See, here's the thing. |
| 321 | I went home and told my wife about Tulsa, a-and she won't go. |
| 322 | See, me? I love Tulsa. |
| 323 | Tulsa is heaven. Tulsa is Italy. |
| 324 | Please don't make me go there. |
| 325 | Chandler, I... No, now, now |
| 326 | look, Carol... Can I call you Carol? |
| 327 | Why would I when your name is Elaine? |
| 328 | Oh, what a great picture of your son. Strapping! |
| 329 | That's a picture of your daughter, isn't it? |
| 330 | Well, she's lovely. |
| 331 | I-I like a girl with a strong jaw. |
| 332 | I'll call you from Tulsa. |
| 333 | Hey. So, uh, how is it? |
| 334 | I broke my thumb. |
| 335 | Your thumb? |
| 336 | That's weird. |
| 337 | Are you sure you're punching right? |
| 338 | Make a fist. |
| 339 | Maybe later. |
| 340 | Ross, I feel terrible. |
| 341 | You know what, you can go. |
| 342 | I just have to fill out some forms. |
| 343 | You, uh, y-you want me to help you with that? |
| 344 | Why, does it look like I'm having trouble |
| 345 | with my misshapen claw? |
| 346 | "Name." |
| 347 | I know "Ross," but what's it short for? |
| 348 | You know, like, Rossell. |
| 349 | Or Rosstopher. |
| 350 | Just Ross. |
| 351 | Oh. |
| 352 | It's pretty. |
| 353 | Okay, "Date of birth." |
| 354 | You know my birthday. |
| 355 | Sure. |
| 356 | May... |
| 357 | tember? |
| 358 | October 18th. |
| 359 | "Occupation." Dinosaurs. |
| 360 | Actually, I'm a paleo... |
| 361 | Dinosaurs is fine. |
| 362 | The drawing is not. |
| 363 | All right, uh, w-who do you want as your emergency contact? |
| 364 | Uh, Rachel, I guess. |
| 365 | Okay. "Relationship"? |
| 366 | Whoo, boy, this could take a while. |
| 367 | Just, uh... just put "roommate." |
| 368 | Come on. |
| 369 | You guys are more than that. |
| 370 | I mean, you're going to get together, right? |
| 371 | I don't think that we are. |
| 372 | But... you two are supposed to be together. |
| 373 | Well, I thought so, too |
| 374 | but then she said she'd marry you. |
| 375 | Come on, Ross, that didn't mean anything. |
| 376 | She-she'd just had the baby. |
| 377 | She was all freaked out about doing it alone. |
| 378 | Sh-She would have said yes to anybody. |
| 379 | Yeah, th-that's what she said. |
| 380 | So? |
| 381 | So, I don't want to be just anybody. |
| 382 | Wow. |
| 383 | You know what? |
| 384 | It's-it's better this way anyway. |
| 385 | I mean, I don't know what I was thinking |
| 386 | going down that road again with us. |
| 387 | It's just much easier if we're... |
| 388 | if we're just friends who have a kid. |
| 389 | Really? Yeah. |
| 390 | A-And you're okay with that? |
| 391 | Yes. I mean, it's what we always planned. |
| 392 | And if you have a plan, you should stick to it. |
| 393 | That's-that's why they call them "plans." Hello? |
| 394 | I'm fine. |
| 395 | Hey, for what it's worth |
| 396 | with Rachel, I don't think you'll ever be just "anybody." |
| 397 | Hey, there you go. |
| 398 | "Thanks." |
| 399 | ( Emma crying ) |
| 400 | Oh, my God. How long has she been crying? |
| 401 | About a week and a half. |
| 402 | Well, it looks like you guys got it under control |
| 403 | so I'm just going to go. |
| 404 | No? Really? |
| 405 | Misery really does love company? All right. |
| 406 | Try holding her a different way. |
| 407 | Look, you guys, I'm doing the best I can. |
| 408 | Anyone else is welcome to try. |
| 409 | All right, I'll try. Fine. Yes. |
| 410 | Okay. Okay. |
| 411 | Here you go. |
| 412 | Oh, gosh. |
| 413 | Shh... ( crying stops ) |
| 414 | Nothing works with this child! ( crying starts again ) |
| 415 | Oh, God, what am I going to do, you guys? |
| 416 | I can't even comfort my own baby. |
| 417 | I'm the worst mother ever. |
| 418 | No, you're just new at this. |
| 419 | You'll get better. |
| 420 | Think about your first day at work. |
| 421 | That couldn't have been easy, but you figured that out. |
| 422 | Yeah, I don't think dressing provocatively |
| 423 | is going to help me here. |
| 424 | ( sighs ): Oh, God. Just please take her. |
| 425 | Okay, I'll take her. |
| 426 | I have to go to the bathroom. |
| 427 | I have to go scream into a pillow. |
| 428 | Bouncy... |
| 429 | ♪ Bouncy baby ♪ |
| 430 | ♪ Bouncy baby ♪ |
| 431 | ♪ Oh, baby, baby... ♪ |
| 432 | ♪ Oh, baby, baby... ♪ |
| 433 | ♪ Oh, baby, baby... ♪ ( crying stops ) |
| 434 | Have I gone deaf? |
| 435 | It worked. |
| 436 | ♪ Oh, baby, baby, baby... ♪ |
| 437 | ♪ Oh, baby, baby, baby... ♪ |
| 438 | You must be a fireball in bed. |
| 439 | ( whispers ): I can't believe it. |
| 440 | She's asleep. |
| 441 | I got her to go to sleep. |
| 442 | I have actual magical powers. |
| 443 | I can hear traffic and birds. |
| 444 | I can hear the voices in my head again. |
| 445 | I'm kidding. |
| 446 | Oh, my God. |
| 447 | You got her to stop crying. |
| 448 | Yes, I did. |
| 449 | I'm Monica, Super Aunt. |
| 450 | You are the official baby-crier-stopper. |
| 451 | Yes, I am. |
| 452 | You're never leaving the apartment. |
| 453 | Say what? |
| 454 | That's your new job. |
| 455 | Day or night, she starts crying, I need you here. |
| 456 | Oh, no, no, no. |
| 457 | All right, well, uh, thankfully |
| 458 | you don't need me at all, so... |
| 459 | Hey, Super Aunt, see you later. |
| 460 | Rachel, let's give it six to eight months. |
| 461 | Okay, so listen, I'm going to go lay down. |
| 462 | What? |
| 463 | You know, the book says that whenever she's sleeping |
| 464 | I should be sleeping. So... oh... |
| 465 | Hey. |
| 466 | Shh! We just got her to go to sleep. |
| 467 | Oh, so th-there can't be any yelling? |
| 468 | No. |
| 469 | We're moving to Tulsa. |
| 470 | What?! Shh! |
| 471 | Shh! |
| 472 | Shh! |
| 473 | I can't... I can't hear. |
| 474 | Hey. |
| 475 | Hey. |
| 476 | Where have you been? |
| 477 | ( gasps ) |
| 478 | What happened to you? |
| 479 | I had a little thing with Joey. |
| 480 | If you think this is bad, you should see him. |
| 481 | No, Ross, this is not good. |
| 482 | Please, we have to talk about this Joey thing. |
| 483 | Please sit. |
| 484 | All right, you have got to get over this Joey thing. |
| 485 | Okay, I never really wanted to marry Joey, okay? |
| 486 | Okay. |
| 487 | You know what I really, really want? |
| 488 | What, Rach? |
| 489 | I want to sleep. |
| 490 | I want to eat. |
| 491 | I want to take a shower. |
| 492 | I mean, before she wakes up |
| 493 | and we got to do this all over again. |
| 494 | Right. |
| 495 | I mean, 'cause I got news for you, mister. |
| 496 | Emma? Not easy. |
| 497 | Well... that's what I'm here for. |
| 498 | ( Emma crying ) |
| 499 | Want me to get that? |
| 500 | No, that's really okay. |
| 501 | Monica! |
| 502 | I got it, got it, got it. |
| 503 | You know, uh, I've been thinking about this |
| 504 | and I got to tell you, it's not my fault. |
| 505 | It's a natural instinct. |
| 506 | What are you guys talking about? |
| 507 | Hey, okay, what would you do if I did this? |
| 508 | Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org |
| 509 | |
| 1 | Oh, hi. Hey. |
| 2 | Hey. |
| 3 | So, uh, what's the big news |
| 4 | you had us rush all the way over here for? |
| 5 | Okay, our news... my company has asked me |
| 6 | to head up our office in Tulsa. |
| 7 | So, as of Monday, I'm being officially relocated. |
| 8 | What? Monday? Oh, my God. |
| 9 | Well, how long do you have to go for? |
| 10 | Well, they said it could be up to a year. |
| 11 | A year? Oh, my God. |
| 12 | Do you have to go? |
| 13 | Well, I kind of have to, don't I? |
| 14 | 'Cause of this stupid thing. |
| 15 | There's nothing like the support of your loving wife, huh? |
| 16 | Wait a minute, wait... you can't go to Tulsa. |
| 17 | Maybe you forgot, but we have tickets |
| 18 | to the Jets game next week. |
| 19 | Well, I'm sorry, buddy |
| 20 | but I don't think I'm going to be able to make it. |
| 21 | W-W-We were going to go see the Jets. |
| 22 | You-You can't go. |
| 23 | I mean, you're the glue that holds this group together. |
| 24 | Really? |
| 25 | Not you. |
| 26 | God, I can't believe you guys are moving. |
| 27 | I call their apartment! |
| 28 | Oh, no. No. |
| 29 | Yeah! Come on. |
| 30 | ♪ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ♪ |
| 31 | ♪ Your job's a joke, you're broke ♪ |
| 32 | ♪ Your love life's D.O.A. ♪ |
| 33 | ♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪ |
| 34 | ♪ When it hasn't been your day, your week ♪ |
| 35 | ♪ Your month, or even your year ♪ |
| 36 | ♪ But I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 37 | ♪ 'Cause you're there for me, too. ♪ |
| 38 | Here you go, Rach. |
| 39 | Oh, thank you, Joey. |
| 40 | Oh, you know what? |
| 41 | I'm not even sure I can have caffeine. |
| 42 | I went through this with Ben and Carol. |
| 43 | One cup of coffee won't affect your milk. |
| 44 | Yeah, well, just to be sure, I'm going to call Dr. Wiener. |
| 45 | ( chuckling ) |
| 46 | Every time? |
| 47 | Uh-huh. |
| 48 | Rach, you don't have to call him |
| 49 | whenever you have a little question, okay? |
| 50 | Trust me. I know this. |
| 51 | All right, I trust you. |
| 52 | Rachel, I can see you dialing. |
| 53 | I don't understand why... |
| 54 | Shh, I'm on the phone. Dr. Wiener? |
| 55 | ( chuckles ) |
| 56 | It's so weird seeing Ross and Rachel with a baby. |
| 57 | It's just so grown up. |
| 58 | I know, yeah. |
| 59 | I feel like we're all growing up. |
| 60 | Uh-huh. |
| 61 | A person named Wiener. |
| 62 | God that kills me. |
| 63 | Look at you all grown up. |
| 64 | Yeah, well, actually-- actually, you know what? |
| 65 | I am. |
| 66 | You know... Yeah. |
| 67 | Yeah, well, that whole thing with Rachel |
| 68 | made me realize that maybe I'm ready |
| 69 | for a more serious relationship, you know? |
| 70 | Like, I'd like to meet a nice, mature, commitment-minded lady. |
| 71 | And looks aren't important as... |
| 72 | Nah, she's got to be hot. |
| 73 | Well, you know, I might know somebody. |
| 74 | Hey, how about you setting me up with someone |
| 75 | and we double-date? |
| 76 | I can do that. |
| 77 | Yeah, how's Friday? |
| 78 | Done. All right. |
| 79 | Oh, good, really? Yeah. |
| 80 | Okay, let's see... |
| 81 | ( little-girl giggle ) |
| 82 | All right... um... |
| 83 | ooh, you know who's great? Sandy Poopack. |
| 84 | ( chuckles ) |
| 85 | Poo-pack. |
| 86 | Yeah, all right. |
| 87 | Well, that rules out Lana Titwiller. |
| 88 | ( laughing ) |
| 89 | Hey. Hey. |
| 90 | I've got good news. |
| 91 | You got out of the whole Tulsa thing? |
| 92 | Okay, I have news. |
| 93 | You don't have to move to Tulsa. |
| 94 | You can stay here and keep your job. |
| 95 | That's great. How? |
| 96 | Well, my boss and I worked out a deal |
| 97 | where I only have to be in Tulsa four days a week. |
| 98 | So, the other three I can be here with you. |
| 99 | So, you're going to be gone four days a week? |
| 100 | No. |
| 101 | I'm sorry, are you just used to saying that? |
| 102 | No. I can't be away from you for that long. |
| 103 | Really? |
| 104 | Yeah, you're my husband. |
| 105 | I'm not going to live in a different state than you |
| 106 | for 208 days out of the year. |
| 107 | That's fast math. |
| 108 | We could use you in Tulsa. |
| 109 | Honey, thanks for trying to figure out a way |
| 110 | but if you're going to Tulsa |
| 111 | I want to go with you. |
| 112 | Hey, you said that without gagging. |
| 113 | I know. |
| 114 | Well, excuse me? |
| 115 | Oh, yeah? |
| 116 | Well, up yours, too. |
| 117 | Who the hell was that? |
| 118 | Dr. Wiener. |
| 119 | Rach, you can't call people at 3:00 in the morning. |
| 120 | You know what? You sound just like his wife. |
| 121 | Was there anything even wrong with Emma? |
| 122 | Yes, of course there is. |
| 123 | Okay, I'm not insane. |
| 124 | Well, what was it? |
| 125 | Hiccups. |
| 126 | Rach, I told you, you can't call him |
| 127 | every time any little thing comes up. |
| 128 | Yeah, well, not anymore I can't. |
| 129 | He fired us. |
| 130 | God, what are we going to do? |
| 131 | We have to find a pediatrician. |
| 132 | Wait, wait, wait. |
| 133 | Monica said that when you guys were growing up |
| 134 | you really liked your doctor. |
| 135 | What was his name? |
| 136 | Dr. Gettleman? |
| 137 | Uh, yeah, no, I don't... |
| 138 | I don't think that's a good idea. |
| 139 | In fact I think he's-- I think he's dead. |
| 140 | Ach, why does everything happen to me? |
| 141 | Look, Rach, I promise |
| 142 | first thing tomorrow we'll find another doctor |
| 143 | but I got to get up early |
| 144 | and I'm not feeling all that well. |
| 145 | What? Wh-Wh-What you're not feeling well? |
| 146 | What do you have? Is it rubella? |
| 147 | Because don't go near Emma, she has not had that shot. |
| 148 | You know, come to think of it, it does feel rubella-like. |
| 149 | Weeennneeer! |
| 150 | Wiener! |
| 151 | Wiener, Wiener, Wiener... |
| 152 | Rachel! |
| 153 | Great. Now he's going to know it was me. |
| 154 | Hey. Hey. |
| 155 | So, how is this for our big double-date tonight? |
| 156 | Oh, my God. |
| 157 | Ooh, great. |
| 158 | Just the reaction I was hoping for. |
| 159 | Yeah, yes, so you, uh, you found someone for me? |
| 160 | You didn't forget? |
| 161 | Of course not. |
| 162 | And you are going to love Mary Ellen. |
| 163 | She's really smart and cute and funny and... |
| 164 | I can't tell you how I know this |
| 165 | but she is not opposed to threesomes. |
| 166 | Oh, really? |
| 167 | ( mumbles ) |
| 168 | Yeah. |
| 169 | So, tell me something about my guy. |
| 170 | No. |
| 171 | Come on, give me something. |
| 172 | What's his name? |
| 173 | Mike. |
| 174 | Mike? Yeah. |
| 175 | Okay. What's his last name? |
| 176 | Damn it, is there no mystery |
| 177 | left in romance anymore? |
| 178 | All right, we'll see you and Mike |
| 179 | at the restaurant in couple of hours. |
| 180 | Okay. All right, great. |
| 181 | All right. Yeah. See you. Bye-bye. |
| 182 | Why did I have to say Mike? |
| 183 | I don't know a Mike. |
| 184 | Why couldn't I have said... |
| 185 | There's no guys in there. |
| 186 | Oh, it's impossible to find a good doctor. |
| 187 | I mean, how do you know the good ones from the ones |
| 188 | who are going to push their penis against your knee? |
| 189 | Excuse me? |
| 190 | I know what she's talking about. |
| 191 | Uh, yeah. |
| 192 | Well, we've got to find a new pediatrician. |
| 193 | Ross was getting sick last night |
| 194 | and I think Emma may have caught it. |
| 195 | Why don't you go see Dr. Gettleman? |
| 196 | Ross said he died. |
| 197 | He didn't die. |
| 198 | I just saw his daughter last week. |
| 199 | Said he was fine. |
| 200 | Her, on the other hand, much Botox. |
| 201 | Oh, great. |
| 202 | Well, then I'm going to take Emma to see him. |
| 203 | I wonder why Ross said that he died? |
| 204 | Oh, maybe he was getting him confused |
| 205 | with his childhood therapist. |
| 206 | He saw a therapist? |
| 207 | Mm-hmm. Yeah, he used to have this recurring nightmare. |
| 208 | Just really freaked him out. |
| 209 | Why? What was it? |
| 210 | That I was going to eat him. |
| 211 | Mike! |
| 212 | Yeah? |
| 213 | Okay. |
| 214 | MIKE: I got to tell you |
| 215 | I can't believe I'm doing this with you. |
| 216 | Although, yeah, I did just get out of a nine-year relationship. |
| 217 | So, I guess I should be open to taking some risks. |
| 218 | Everything's going to be fine. |
| 219 | Just follow my lead, okay? |
| 220 | All you have to do is pretend to be Mike. |
| 221 | I am Mike. |
| 222 | That a boy. |
| 223 | Okay, here they come. |
| 224 | Hi, I'm Phoebe. Hey, Phoebe, Mike. |
| 225 | Nice to meet you. |
| 226 | Joey, this is Mary Ellen Jenkins. |
| 227 | So, Mike, how do you and Joey know each other anyway? |
| 228 | How do I and Joey know each other? Wow. |
| 229 | If I had a nickel for every time somebody's asked me that. |
| 230 | ( laughing ) |
| 231 | From-from school. |
| 232 | Yeah, we met in college. |
| 233 | I mean high school. |
| 234 | Wow, you guys go way back, then. |
| 235 | So, what are you up to these days? |
| 236 | Well, I'm a lawyer. |
| 237 | Mike, Attorney-at-Law. |
| 238 | Actually, I just gave up my practice. |
| 239 | What? |
| 240 | That's the kind of thing you usually run by me. |
| 241 | Well, I always wanted to play piano professionally |
| 242 | and I figured if I don't do this now I never will. |
| 243 | Wow, that's great. |
| 244 | I like that better than the lawyer thing. So... |
| 245 | Which is why I waited until now to introduce you to Mike. |
| 246 | I thought you thought he was still a lawyer? |
| 247 | No, no, no. That's not what I meant. |
| 248 | Let's-let's get you a cocktail. |
| 249 | ( snaps his fingers ) |
| 250 | Hey. Hey. |
| 251 | What are you doing? |
| 252 | Looking for restaurant jobs for you in Tulsa. |
| 253 | Oh, that's so sweet. |
| 254 | Did you find anything? |
| 255 | Slim Pickins'. |
| 256 | Nothing, huh? |
| 257 | No. Slim Pickins'. |
| 258 | It's a barbecue joint. |
| 259 | They're looking for a cook. |
| 260 | Actually "cook" may be a bit of a stretch. |
| 261 | They're looking for somebody to shovel mesquite. |
| 262 | Slim Pickins'. That is so cheesy. |
| 263 | So Cheesy also has an opening. |
| 264 | Well, honey, that's okay. |
| 265 | I actually know this woman, Nancy |
| 266 | who's a-- she's a restaurant biz headhunter. |
| 267 | Maybe she'll know something. |
| 268 | Can I just say how much I appreciate you coming with me. |
| 269 | When we get to Tulsa |
| 270 | I am taking you for a great dinner at Slim Pickins'. |
| 271 | So Cheesy? |
| 272 | Whole Hog? |
| 273 | It's going to be tough to keep kosher in Tulsa? |
| 274 | Hi, Nancy? |
| 275 | Hi, it's Monica Geller. |
| 276 | I'm good. |
| 277 | Listen, I'm looking for a job in Tulsa. |
| 278 | Well, my husband's been relocated. |
| 279 | Because I love him. |
| 280 | No, no, I don't want a job in New York. |
| 281 | Javu's looking? |
| 282 | Oh, my God. |
| 283 | He asked for me personally? Oh, my God! |
| 284 | Oh, wow, this is really, really flattering. |
| 285 | But, um, I'm moving to Tulsa. |
| 286 | Yeah, so, just if you would tell Javu... |
| 287 | I'll take it! |
| 288 | Hi, my name's Rachel Green. |
| 289 | I have an appointment for Emma. |
| 290 | Dr. Gettleman is finishing up with a patient. |
| 291 | He should be out shortly. Okay, thank you. |
| 292 | I think you just have a cold. |
| 293 | It's definitely not strep. |
| 294 | Thanks, doctor. |
| 295 | Would you like a lollipop? |
| 296 | Even have to ask? |
| 297 | He is alive! |
| 298 | You know, it's so surprising |
| 299 | that you and Joey have known each other for so long |
| 300 | and I've never heard about you. |
| 301 | Oh, that's... that's because |
| 302 | we had a bit of a falling out. |
| 303 | Mike... hit my mom with a car. |
| 304 | No, I didn't. |
| 305 | It's okay, Mike. |
| 306 | I have forgiven you. |
| 307 | And now we're friends again, and everything's great. |
| 308 | Wait. Is your mom okay? |
| 309 | Please, we're trying to have a conversation. |
| 310 | Wow, you're a lot nicer on Days of Our Lives. |
| 311 | Days of Our Lives. |
| 312 | That's why you look so familiar. |
| 313 | What? |
| 314 | What? |
| 315 | What? |
| 316 | Do you not know each other? |
| 317 | ( chuckling ) |
| 318 | Of course we do. |
| 319 | Mike is playing a game |
| 320 | that we used to play in high school. |
| 321 | Yeah, where we pretend we don't know each other. |
| 322 | We played all kinds of games. |
| 323 | Hey, you remember that one where I punch you in the face |
| 324 | for not being cool? |
| 325 | Mike, let me ask you something. |
| 326 | How many sisters does Joey have? |
| 327 | Six. |
| 328 | What are you doing? I said seven! |
| 329 | Oh! |
| 330 | Joey, why did you set me up with a stranger? |
| 331 | Because I... I forgot about our date. |
| 332 | I'm so sorry. |
| 333 | I'm sorry, too. |
| 334 | And just to be clear |
| 335 | I didn't hit his mother with a car. |
| 336 | You are unbelievable. |
| 337 | I spent so much time finding the perfect girl for you, you know? |
| 338 | Mary Ellen is really smart and cute and loose. |
| 339 | Hey! |
| 340 | Oh, who are you kidding? |
| 341 | You just find some guy off the street for me? |
| 342 | God, this is humiliating. |
| 343 | Phoebe, I'm so sorry. |
| 344 | Hey, look, if you don't like this guy |
| 345 | I can find you a better one. |
| 346 | Mike? Mike? |
| 347 | I'm out of here. |
| 348 | It was nice meeting you. |
| 349 | You're leaving, too? |
| 350 | I'll stay if you can tell me my name. |
| 351 | Have a good night. |
| 352 | Honey, we're leaving tomorrow |
| 353 | and you've still got a lot of packing to do. |
| 354 | You're right. |
| 355 | Maybe I shouldn't go. |
| 356 | What? |
| 357 | Um... So Nancy told me about this... this job |
| 358 | at this great restaurant, Javu. |
| 359 | But it's just a little outside of Tulsa. |
| 360 | Well, how far outside? |
| 361 | Manhattan. |
| 362 | And, uh, you're thinking of taking it? |
| 363 | So, before you said that being with me |
| 364 | was more important than any job |
| 365 | but I guess now it's old job... me... new job. |
| 366 | I'm going to miss this hand. |
| 367 | Okay, I know this is a lot to ask |
| 368 | but, oh, my God, Chandler |
| 369 | this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. |
| 370 | What happened to |
| 371 | "you can't live without me four days a week"? |
| 372 | Well, if you really think about it |
| 373 | I mean four days is just not that long. |
| 374 | I mean... |
| 375 | I see you Monday before you go to work |
| 376 | and then I see you Thursday when you get back |
| 377 | and I always work late on Tuesdays |
| 378 | so really if you think about it... |
| 379 | it's really just one day. |
| 380 | And, um, if we can't make it one day |
| 381 | we got real problems, my friend. |
| 382 | I think you should take the job. |
| 383 | Really? |
| 384 | Yeah. I know it must be important to you |
| 385 | when you start chattering like a monkey. |
| 386 | That's the nicest thing anybody's ever said to me. |
| 387 | Hey. |
| 388 | How was the pediatrician? |
| 389 | Oh, I really liked him. |
| 390 | Yeah, yeah, it was really, really, really good. |
| 391 | You promised you wouldn't say anything. |
| 392 | I know. |
| 393 | Ross still sees his pediatrician! |
| 394 | I don't care. |
| 395 | Are you serious? |
| 396 | You still see Dr. Gettleman? |
| 397 | He is a brilliant diagnostician. |
| 398 | Diagnostician or... |
| 399 | boo-boo fixer? |
| 400 | Ross, seriously, you've got to go to an appropriate doctor. |
| 401 | Why? Why? |
| 402 | I know it's a little weird |
| 403 | but, hey, he is a great doctor, okay? |
| 404 | He knows my medical history |
| 405 | and every time I go in there he makes a big deal. |
| 406 | "Oh, look, it's my favorite patient." |
| 407 | Does he say that |
| 408 | before he sticks his thermometer in your tushie? |
| 409 | Hey, I seem to remember |
| 410 | someone bringing his security blanket to college. |
| 411 | That was not a security blanket. |
| 412 | That was a wall hanging. |
| 413 | It didn't spend much time on the wall! |
| 414 | Oh, excuse me. |
| 415 | Hi. |
| 416 | I was hoping to run into you. |
| 417 | Uh, can we talk? |
| 418 | Sure. |
| 419 | I'm sorry. |
| 420 | Really, I'm so embarrassed. |
| 421 | Really, I'm a pretty nice guy. |
| 422 | Just ask my parole officer. |
| 423 | Apparently, I'm not a funny guy. |
| 424 | Well, why did you go along with it? |
| 425 | Because I was told that I'd get a free dinner. |
| 426 | Which I didn't. |
| 427 | And that I'd meet a pretty girl. |
| 428 | Which I did. |
| 429 | That's true. |
| 430 | Well... is anything |
| 431 | you told me about yourself true? |
| 432 | My name is Mike. |
| 433 | And I do play piano. |
| 434 | Oh, uh-huh, uh-huh. Prove it. |
| 435 | There isn't a piano here. |
| 436 | That wouldn't stand in the way of a true pianist. |
| 437 | Okay. |
| 438 | You are really good. |
| 439 | Wow. |
| 440 | I'm... I play a little guitar myself. |
| 441 | Really? |
| 442 | Uh-huh. |
| 443 | That's great. Yeah. |
| 444 | What kind of music do you play? |
| 445 | Well, um... like acoustic folksy stuff, you know. |
| 446 | But right now I'm working on a couple Iron Maiden covers. |
| 447 | Do you think that maybe... |
| 448 | sometime I could...? |
| 449 | It's okay. |
| 450 | Go ahead, ask me out. |
| 451 | Okay. |
| 452 | You think maybe sometime I could take you out? |
| 453 | Oh, you just caught me off guard. |
| 454 | Yes. That would be nice, yeah. |
| 455 | Look at this-- |
| 456 | my two best friends. |
| 457 | Excuse me. |
| 458 | I don't mean to be a jerk |
| 459 | but the baby with the rash came in after me. |
| 460 | The doctor will be right with you, sir. |
| 461 | Mommy, I can't find Waldo. |
| 462 | What? The circus? |
| 463 | He's behind the elephant. |
| 464 | Wow. So your child's a big fan |
| 465 | of the Waldo books, too? |
| 466 | Yeah, that's how I know. |
| 467 | I'm Ross, by the way. |
| 468 | Hi. I'm Sally. |
| 469 | Hi. |
| 470 | So, no ring. |
| 471 | Can I assume you're also a single parent? |
| 472 | I am a single parent. |
| 473 | It's hard, isn't it? |
| 474 | There's almost no time for a social life. |
| 475 | I mean, where are you going to meet someone? |
| 476 | Well, uh... let's say, I don't know |
| 477 | you met someone in the... |
| 478 | pediatrician's office. |
| 479 | Rossie, we're ready for you. |
| 480 | Um, yeah. |
| 481 | Come on, Ross Jr. |
| 482 | It's time to go in. |
| 483 | Mommy, what's wrong with that man? |
| 484 | Hey, I helped you find Waldo! |
| 485 | ( door opening ) |
| 486 | Oh, good, you haven't left yet. |
| 487 | Where have you been? |
| 488 | I got held up at Dr. Gettleman's office. |
| 489 | Uh, there was some guy that, uh... |
| 490 | freaked everybody out. |
| 491 | Well, you got here just in time. |
| 492 | I really have to go, buddy. |
| 493 | Oh, man. |
| 494 | Honey, promise to call me when you land? |
| 495 | Of course I will call you. |
| 496 | I love you. |
| 497 | I love you, too. |
| 498 | Okay, whoa, whoa. whoa, whoa. |
| 499 | Whoa, watch the tongue, people. |
| 500 | We got a baby over here. |
| 501 | Bye, Chandler. |
| 502 | Oh, bye. |
| 503 | Bye, honey. |
| 504 | Bye. |
| 505 | What's the matter, Joe? |
| 506 | I'm mad at you for leaving. |
| 507 | You're nothing but a big leaver. |
| 508 | A big leaver with a stupid suitcase. |
| 509 | Any chance you're trying to pick a fight |
| 510 | to make all of this easier? |
| 511 | Oh, dude, you see right through me. |
| 512 | Okay, well, bye, Mon... |
| 513 | Bye, Ross, Rachel... |
| 514 | Bye, Emma... |
| 515 | Okay, bye-bye. |
| 516 | Have a good trip. |
| 517 | Okay. |
| 518 | Oh, my God. |
| 519 | Chandler... |
| 520 | Wait. |
| 521 | It goes, old job... |
| 522 | new job... |
| 523 | and you. |
| 524 | This is just something I have to do. |
| 525 | I know. |
| 526 | I love you so much. |
| 527 | I know that, too. |
| 528 | Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org |
| 529 | Don't worry. |
| 530 | I'll be back before you know it. |
| 531 | Yes, it will be the same. |
| 532 | Because I know, that's how. |
| 533 | I promise. |
| 534 | You double promise? |
| 535 | Well, call me when you land. |
| 536 | Can I talk now? |
| 537 | Okay, bye. |
| 538 | Joey?! |
| 539 | He had to board. |
| 540 | |
| 1 | Oh, hey, Ross. |
| 2 | I'm so glad someone's here. |
| 3 | Could you zip me up? |
| 4 | Uh... sure. |
| 5 | Thank you. |
| 6 | Can you believe no one |
| 7 | between my apartment and here |
| 8 | offered to do that for me? |
| 9 | People. |
| 10 | So, uh... why are you so dressed up? |
| 11 | Oh, um, Mike's picking me up for a date. |
| 12 | Oh, yeah? Now, how is that going? |
| 13 | Is it getting serious? |
| 14 | Oh, I don't know, I don't know. |
| 15 | I mean, you know, I like him... |
| 16 | but, you know, am I ready |
| 17 | to take my Grade A loins off the meat market? |
| 18 | I'm not quite sure. |
| 19 | Yeah. |
| 20 | You know, I really admire your whole dating attitude. |
| 21 | It's so healthy. |
| 22 | I'm always, like, "Is this moving too fast? |
| 23 | "Is this moving too slow? |
| 24 | Where is this going?" |
| 25 | Yeah, I know. You are a bit of a drama queen. |
| 26 | Well, you, you're so much better off, you know. |
| 27 | You just go from guy to guy having fun and not worrying |
| 28 | that it never turns into anything serious. |
| 29 | I wouldn't say "never." |
| 30 | You know, there was that guy. |
| 31 | Okay, well, what about...? |
| 32 | Okay, well, there's got to be someone. |
| 33 | There isn't. |
| 34 | That's what I'm saying. |
| 35 | Oh, my God, you're right. |
| 36 | I know, and yet, here you are, all ready for the next date. |
| 37 | I can't believe I never realized this before. |
| 38 | I'm in my 30s, and I've never been |
| 39 | in a long-term relationship? |
| 40 | Oh, my God! What's wrong with me? |
| 41 | No, no-no. No. Uh... |
| 42 | There's, there's nothing wrong with you. |
| 43 | I mean, you don't strike me as the type of person |
| 44 | that wants to get married anyway. |
| 45 | I want to get married. |
| 46 | Oh, my God, please, please don't cry because of me. |
| 47 | Phebes, I don't know what I'm talking about. |
| 48 | I've been divorced three times. |
| 49 | Yeah, well, at least you've been married. |
| 50 | Oh, my God, I want to trade lives with Ross? |
| 51 | Phoebe. |
| 52 | What's wrong? |
| 53 | Nothing. I'm excited about our date. |
| 54 | Mike, this is Ross Geller. |
| 55 | Ross, this is Mike... ( sobs) |
| 56 | I'm sorry, I didn't catch your... |
| 57 | It's Mike Hanigan. |
| 58 | Oh, Ross Geller. |
| 59 | Hey. |
| 60 | Uh, so are you sure you're ready to go? |
| 61 | Uh-huh. |
| 62 | How do I look? |
| 63 | Do you have a compact in your purse? |
| 64 | No. |
| 65 | You look great. |
| 66 | ♪ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ♪ |
| 67 | ♪ Your job's a joke, you're broke ♪ |
| 68 | ♪ Your love life's D.O.A. ♪ |
| 69 | ♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪ |
| 70 | ♪ When it hasn't been your day, your week ♪ |
| 71 | ♪ Your month, or even your year ♪ |
| 72 | ♪ But I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 73 | ♪ 'Cause you're there for me, too. ♪ |
| 74 | Hey, Joey. |
| 75 | Hey. |
| 76 | This girl won't turn around. |
| 77 | I can't tell whether she's hot or not. |
| 78 | What do you think? |
| 79 | Joey, I am not going |
| 80 | to objectify women with you. |
| 81 | but if her face is as nice as her ass, whoo, mama. |
| 82 | All right, thanks. |
| 83 | Oh, hey, have you talked to Chandler? |
| 84 | Yeah, he has to stay in Tulsa this weekend. |
| 85 | How come? |
| 86 | I don't know-- he has to work. |
| 87 | There's some big rush on the... |
| 88 | Uh... |
| 89 | Damn it, one of these days I'm going to have to start listening |
| 90 | when he talks about his job. |
| 91 | Yeah. Oh, hey, why don't you |
| 92 | fly out there and surprise him? |
| 93 | Maybe I will go. |
| 94 | Yeah. We'll have a little second honeymoon |
| 95 | at the Tulsa Ramada. |
| 96 | Oh, and you now what |
| 97 | you should bring? |
| 98 | Your black, see-through teddy with the attached garters. |
| 99 | How do you know I have one of those? |
| 100 | Didn't until just now. |
| 101 | Ugh. Hot... not hot. |
| 102 | Hot. |
| 103 | Excuse me? |
| 104 | Uh... |
| 105 | I said that I think you're hot |
| 106 | and, uh, now I'm embarrassed. |
| 107 | Oh, I thought you said, "Hi." |
| 108 | That would have been better. |
| 109 | I'll try that. |
| 110 | Hi. |
| 111 | I'm Joey. |
| 112 | I'm Hayley. |
| 113 | Oh. Uh, look, I don't normally ask out women |
| 114 | that I meet in coffee houses. |
| 115 | Ha! |
| 116 | Gesundheit. |
| 117 | But, uh... |
| 118 | I would love to go out with you. |
| 119 | Really? |
| 120 | Great. |
| 121 | Did I... did I actually ask you? |
| 122 | Oh, um, that's just where you were going. |
| 123 | I figured I'd help you out. |
| 124 | You don't seem like the kind of guy who does this a lot. |
| 125 | Ha! |
| 126 | Seriously, Gunther, you should see someone about that cold. |
| 127 | If it gets much worse, you could die. |
| 128 | So how'd the date go? |
| 129 | Well, it was awful. |
| 130 | Every time I thought about what you said |
| 131 | I started crying. |
| 132 | So he hasn't called? |
| 133 | Would you call this girl? |
| 134 | ( sobbing ): Thanks for... a lovely... evening. |
| 135 | Oh. Now I feel terrible. |
| 136 | This is all my fault. |
| 137 | Well, you know what you should feel terrible about? |
| 138 | This could have been my serious guy. |
| 139 | He was... he was sweet and smart and funny. |
| 140 | Do you know how hard it is to meet a guy like that? |
| 141 | We are a rare breed. |
| 142 | What a great dinner! |
| 143 | Yeah, and, hey |
| 144 | thanks again for letting me have |
| 145 | that last piece of cake at the restaurant. |
| 146 | ( laughing ) |
| 147 | You're welcome, again. |
| 148 | I'm going to go make some coffee. |
| 149 | Can I get you anything? |
| 150 | Uh... do you have any cake? |
| 151 | ( laughing ) |
| 152 | So, this is going pretty good. |
| 153 | Dinner was nice. |
| 154 | We've got a lot in common. |
| 155 | Mmm. Victoria's Secret. |
| 156 | Huh. |
| 157 | We even like the same books. |
| 158 | Ooh. |
| 159 | There's a scary painting. |
| 160 | Wait a minute. |
| 161 | I think I've been scared by that painting before. |
| 162 | You know what? |
| 163 | This whole place looks familiar. |
| 164 | I have definitely been in this apartment. |
| 165 | I know I've seen this weird plant before. |
| 166 | Ow. |
| 167 | It did that the last time. |
| 168 | Oh, my God, I've gone out with this girl before. |
| 169 | Yeah. We had sex on this couch |
| 170 | and then on that chair and... |
| 171 | No, wait, we didn't do it here. |
| 172 | Which is weird because it seems like a perfectly good place. |
| 173 | Ow. That's why. |
| 174 | ( knocking ) |
| 175 | Hey, Mike. Uh... |
| 176 | sorry to just drop by like this. |
| 177 | Can I come in? |
| 178 | Sure. |
| 179 | Who are you? |
| 180 | Uh, I'm-I'm Ross. |
| 181 | Phoebe's friend f-from the coffee house. |
| 182 | Yeah. |
| 183 | Yeah, I really, really need |
| 184 | to talk to you about something. |
| 185 | Okay. |
| 186 | Unless... you're not going to try to get me |
| 187 | to join a cult, are you? |
| 188 | No. |
| 189 | Oh. No, it's just... |
| 190 | You have that look. |
| 191 | Damn Super Cuts. |
| 192 | What's up? |
| 193 | Is Phoebe okay? |
| 194 | Oh, yeah, yeah. |
| 195 | No. Oh, Phoebe is great |
| 196 | but, um... |
| 197 | I'm an idiot. Okay? Look. |
| 198 | Right before you guys went out |
| 199 | I accidentally got her all upset. |
| 200 | Oh. That's why she was weird. |
| 201 | Yes. Yeah. |
| 202 | I-I said something stupid |
| 203 | about her never having had a serious relationship |
| 204 | but you should know |
| 205 | she is so much fun, a wonderful person. |
| 206 | Please, don't blow her off. |
| 207 | I'm not going to blow her off. |
| 208 | I actually just got off the phone with her. |
| 209 | We're going out tomorrow night. |
| 210 | I hope that's okay with you... |
| 211 | stranger from the coffee house. |
| 212 | Well, then, I-I didn't need to bother you. |
| 213 | You... or the four other Mike Hanigans I bothered. |
| 214 | Hey, wait, wait, wait, wait. |
| 215 | Is that true what you said? |
| 216 | That Phoebe's never had a serious relationship? |
| 217 | Of course she has. |
| 218 | If she's never had a serious relationship |
| 219 | do you think I'd go around broadcasting it |
| 220 | like some kind of... unstoppable moron? |
| 221 | But you did say it. |
| 222 | Yes. Yes, I did. |
| 223 | And I will also say... |
| 224 | what I'm about to say |
| 225 | vis-a-vis... the following. |
| 226 | Phoebe has never had a serious relationship |
| 227 | since... |
| 228 | her super-serious relationship |
| 229 | with.... Vikram. |
| 230 | Vikram? |
| 231 | What? That's a real name! |
| 232 | ♪ Oklahoma, where the wind ♪ |
| 233 | ♪ Comes sweeping down the plain... ♪ |
| 234 | Stop it! |
| 235 | Why couldn't they have sent me to Texas? |
| 236 | 7:00. |
| 237 | Maybe I'll hit the gym. |
| 238 | Oh... who am I kidding? |
| 239 | Pay-Per-View porn. |
| 240 | Do not disturb! Do not disturb! |
| 241 | Surprise! |
| 242 | Monica. |
| 243 | Is everything all right? |
| 244 | Yeah, everything's great. |
| 245 | I was just watching some regular television there. |
| 246 | Oh, what a... what a pleasant surprise. |
| 247 | I'm going to go freshen up, okay? |
| 248 | Okay, honey. |
| 249 | Ooh. That was close. |
| 250 | ( phone ringing ) |
| 251 | Hello. |
| 252 | Hey, Rache, it's me. |
| 253 | Okay, I just got to Chandler's room |
| 254 | and I caught him... molesting himself. |
| 255 | Oh. That couldn't have been pretty |
| 256 | but you know, guys do that. |
| 257 | Yeah? Well, the weird part is... |
| 258 | he was getting off to a shark-attack show. |
| 259 | No. |
| 260 | Yes. Chandler watches shark porn. |
| 261 | While watching sharks? |
| 262 | Uh-huh. |
| 263 | Are you sure that's what he was doing? |
| 264 | Do you know how many times I've seen him jump up like that? |
| 265 | Believe me, I know what he was doing. |
| 266 | Oh, man... sharks. |
| 267 | I know. |
| 268 | I always knew there was something weird about that dude. |
| 269 | But you promised to love him no matter what. |
| 270 | "What" means like if he gets a disease |
| 271 | or kills someone. |
| 272 | Not if he gets his jollies to Jaws. |
| 273 | You know what, though, honey |
| 274 | guys are just different. |
| 275 | They like things that we can't understand. |
| 276 | You know, I once dated |
| 277 | this guy who wanted to pretend that he was an archaeologist |
| 278 | and that I was this naughty cave woman |
| 279 | who he unfroze from a block of ice. |
| 280 | ( chuckles ) |
| 281 | Ooh, are you talking about my brother? |
| 282 | Yeah, I didn't disguise that very well, did I? |
| 283 | Hey. |
| 284 | Hi. Listen to this: |
| 285 | I went out with this girl last night. |
| 286 | Halfway through our date I realized |
| 287 | I already slept with her. |
| 288 | So basically you've slept |
| 289 | with all the women in New York |
| 290 | and now you're just going around again? |
| 291 | Yeah, but that's not even the weird part. |
| 292 | I don't think she remembered sleeping with me! |
| 293 | Like you don't remember sleeping with her. |
| 294 | But she should remember sleeping with me. |
| 295 | I am very memorable. |
| 296 | You guys know. |
| 297 | How do we know?! We've never slept with you. |
| 298 | And whose fault is that? |
| 299 | What's the big deal? |
| 300 | You forgot, she forgot. |
| 301 | Maybe you were having an off night. |
| 302 | Hey! |
| 303 | I never have an off night, okay |
| 304 | although sometimes if I'm a little bloated |
| 305 | I don't feel that sexy |
| 306 | but even then, I'm better than most. |
| 307 | Honey, why don't you just let it go |
| 308 | and ask her out again? |
| 309 | Yeah, you're both so slutty |
| 310 | you don't even remember who you slept with. |
| 311 | You're made for each other. |
| 312 | Oh, interesting. |
| 313 | Yeah. |
| 314 | All right, well, I'll go out with her again |
| 315 | and I'll try to get past it. Yeah. |
| 316 | Oh, salt! Bloating! |
| 317 | Joey, Joey What? |
| 318 | you don't think sharks are sexy, do you? |
| 319 | No. |
| 320 | Wait a minute-- what was the Little Mermaid? |
| 321 | ( knock on door ) |
| 322 | It's open! |
| 323 | Hey. |
| 324 | Hey... Michael-- we're going out again. Yay! |
| 325 | Yay! |
| 326 | Quick thing-- I went to talk to Mike. |
| 327 | What? |
| 328 | What... what did you... what did you do, Ross? |
| 329 | Oh, boy-- you got mad at that part. |
| 330 | I-I... |
| 331 | I went over there, you know, to tell him |
| 332 | how great you are, but... |
| 333 | well, you know me... blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah. |
| 334 | And I ended up telling him, um, that... |
| 335 | What? |
| 336 | Um, you had a six-year-long relationship |
| 337 | with a guy named Vikram. |
| 338 | What? Why? |
| 339 | Well, he seemed to bum hard |
| 340 | when I told him you'd never been |
| 341 | in a serious relationship. |
| 342 | If you hadn't just had a baby with my best friend |
| 343 | I swear to Lucifer... |
| 344 | a rabid dog would be feasting on your danglers right now. |
| 345 | Well, Phoeb, I think you'll feel differently |
| 346 | when you know a little bit about Vikram. |
| 347 | Okay... |
| 348 | he's um... he's a kite designer. |
| 349 | And he used to date Oprah. |
| 350 | No, I'm not going along |
| 351 | with some lie you made up, Ross. |
| 352 | No, I'm just going to be honest with him. |
| 353 | Good. |
| 354 | Yeah, just be honest with him. |
| 355 | Yeah, I have nothing to be ashamed of. |
| 356 | No. |
| 357 | Okay, so, all right |
| 358 | I haven't been in a relationship |
| 359 | that lasted longer than a month. |
| 360 | Okay, I-I-I haven't had a real boyfriend. |
| 361 | You know, if he can't handle it |
| 362 | then he can leave. |
| 363 | Which he will. |
| 364 | And, you know... that's... |
| 365 | okay, so I'll just be alone forever. |
| 366 | You know, it'll be fine. |
| 367 | It'll be fine. |
| 368 | I'll go on walking tours with widows and lesbians. |
| 369 | ( knock on door ) Oh... |
| 370 | I'll get it. |
| 371 | Okay. |
| 372 | You know, I'm trying to remember the last time I opened a door |
| 373 | and you weren't there. |
| 374 | Phoebe |
| 375 | are you okay? |
| 376 | Hm-mm, yeah. |
| 377 | Yeah, there's just, um... |
| 378 | Uh... there's something you should know. |
| 379 | Vikram just called. |
| 380 | So it was really a shock |
| 381 | after 25 years of marriage |
| 382 | my parents-- the perfect couple-- |
| 383 | getting divorced. |
| 384 | I took it the hardest 'cause I was youngest. |
| 385 | Hm-mm, hm-mm, sure, yeah. |
| 386 | How can you not remember me?! |
| 387 | What? |
| 388 | How could you not remember that we slept together? |
| 389 | What? When? |
| 390 | I don't know. |
| 391 | I really, really think |
| 392 | I would remember sleeping with you. |
| 393 | Come on, come on, search your brain, all right? |
| 394 | It was... a certain amount of time ago. |
| 395 | Okay, I was here. |
| 396 | You were here. |
| 397 | We had sex... here... here... here... |
| 398 | Not there. |
| 399 | Anything? |
| 400 | No, it's not ringing any bells. |
| 401 | My God, woman! |
| 402 | How many people do you have to have been with |
| 403 | not to remember any of this? |
| 404 | Hey, Hayley. |
| 405 | We really got to fix that doorknob. |
| 406 | Joey? |
| 407 | Oh... |
| 408 | I slept with you. |
| 409 | And you obviously remember me. |
| 410 | Hey, I still got it! |
| 411 | So we're good. |
| 412 | I'll let myself out. |
| 413 | And I said, "Okay, Vikram |
| 414 | "you can't just call every time |
| 415 | "you get lonely, you know. |
| 416 | You-you gave up that right when you slept with Rachel." |
| 417 | Wait, Rachel-- |
| 418 | I thought she just had a baby with Ross. |
| 419 | Yeah... well... yeah. |
| 420 | You know, but Emma's birth certificate |
| 421 | might say "Geller" |
| 422 | but her eyes say "Mukherjee." |
| 423 | God, that is so wrong. |
| 424 | And on top of that, he's a glue sniffer? |
| 425 | Hmm. I know |
| 426 | but he calls, and my heart goes to him. |
| 427 | You know, that bastard |
| 428 | is one smooth-talking freelance kite designer. |
| 429 | I just think there's somebody better out there for you. |
| 430 | You know, I'm not saying me but... |
| 431 | Maybe me. |
| 432 | Oh. |
| 433 | And you don't have to worry about glue sniffing with me. |
| 434 | Although I do smell the occasional Magic Marker. |
| 435 | Yeah, uh, anyway, I just... |
| 436 | I think I can make you happy. |
| 437 | Okay, I can't do this. |
| 438 | What's wrong? |
| 439 | Well, there is no Vikram. |
| 440 | Ross made him up because I-I... |
| 441 | I really never have been in a long-term relationship. |
| 442 | I've never... I've never lived with a guy. |
| 443 | I've never even celebrated an anniversary, so... |
| 444 | you know, if that's... if that's too weird for you |
| 445 | and-and you want to leave, I totally understand. |
| 446 | In fact, I'll close my eyes and make it less awkward. |
| 447 | You kissed me. |
| 448 | Uh-huh. |
| 449 | So you don't think I'm a total freak. |
| 450 | No... |
| 451 | well... |
| 452 | Look, can I... |
| 453 | can I think you're a little weird |
| 454 | and also cool for telling me the truth |
| 455 | and also want to kiss you? |
| 456 | I guess so. |
| 457 | Can I... can I think it's cool that you kissed me |
| 458 | and also wanted to kiss you again? |
| 459 | And, um, be a little concerned |
| 460 | about the Magic Markers? |
| 461 | Oh, definitely. |
| 462 | ( phone ringing ) |
| 463 | ( beep ) |
| 464 | ( Ross with Indian accent): This is Vikram. |
| 465 | Hi, honey. |
| 466 | I'm home. |
| 467 | Hi. |
| 468 | How was your flight? |
| 469 | Oh, it was great. |
| 470 | Here, why don't you sit down. |
| 471 | Get yourself comfortable. |
| 472 | Because I have a little... |
| 473 | surprise for you. |
| 474 | Well, well, well. |
| 475 | Must be 5:00 in Tulsa |
| 476 | 'cause it's sex o'clock in NYC. |
| 477 | Okay... |
| 478 | This is how much I love you. |
| 479 | Honey... |
| 480 | why am I watching a bunch of sharks swimming around? |
| 481 | Oh, is this... is this not the good part? |
| 482 | Do you want me to fast-forward |
| 483 | to something... toothier? |
| 484 | No, I'm just not sure |
| 485 | that you got the right movie, that's all. |
| 486 | Oh, this is the only one they had at our video store. |
| 487 | But they did have something called Crocodile Killers. |
| 488 | Or does it always have to be sharks? |
| 489 | Does what always have to be sharks? |
| 490 | Honey, look |
| 491 | we could do something else. |
| 492 | Do you want me to get into the tub |
| 493 | and thrash? |
| 494 | What's going on? |
| 495 | Sweetie, it's okay. |
| 496 | It's okay. I still love you. |
| 497 | Let me be a part of this. |
| 498 | Let me be a part of this. |
| 499 | I saw what you were doing in Tulsa. |
| 500 | Angry sharks turn you on. |
| 501 | No, they don't. |
| 502 | Then why were you watching them and giving yourself a treat? |
| 503 | Oh, my God. |
| 504 | When you came in, I switched the channel. |
| 505 | I was just watching regular porn. |
| 506 | Really? |
| 507 | Yes, just some good old-fashioned |
| 508 | American girl-on-girl action. |
| 509 | I cannot tell you how happy that makes me. |
| 510 | Oh, honey. |
| 511 | ( chuckles ) |
| 512 | You are an amazing wife. |
| 513 | No, really. You are amazing. |
| 514 | I mean, you were actually going to do this for me? |
| 515 | I mean, where do you find |
| 516 | the strength and the understanding |
| 517 | for something like that? |
| 518 | I'm very, very drunk right now. |
| 519 | Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org |
| 520 | See, ordinarily I would talk to her |
| 521 | but my confidence is shaken. |
| 522 | Did I sleep with her, did I not sleep with her? |
| 523 | You know, maybe this is a wake-up call. |
| 524 | You know, about your whole dating attitude. |
| 525 | You're in your 30s, and you have never been |
| 526 | in a long-term relationship. |
| 527 | You know, you go |
| 528 | from woman to woman |
| 529 | meaningless experience, to meaningless experience. |
| 530 | Never even worrying that it doesn't turn |
| 531 | into something more serious. |
| 532 | You're right. |
| 533 | I love my life. |
| 534 | Actually, did sleep with her. |
| 535 | |
| 1 | Oh, hey, you guys |
| 2 | I couldn't get a reservation |
| 3 | for the night of my birthday |
| 4 | so we'll have to do dinner Thursday night instead. |
| 5 | Thursday? |
| 6 | But that's Halloween. |
| 7 | So? |
| 8 | It's just spooky, that's all. |
| 9 | Uh... So, is Mike coming to dinner? |
| 10 | No. It's my first birthday with a boyfriend |
| 11 | and he has to work. |
| 12 | I'd get mad at him, but I think |
| 13 | it's a little too soon to show my true colors. |
| 14 | I would make the reservation for 5:00 |
| 15 | because one of us has to stay home and watch Emma. |
| 16 | Which one of us should go to dinner? |
| 17 | Oh, Rachel! |
| 18 | Uh, actually, I was thinking |
| 19 | maybe both of us could go. |
| 20 | Oh, yay. |
| 21 | Thanks, I'll put a lot |
| 22 | of extra thought into your gift. |
| 23 | All right, so, great, we can all go now. |
| 24 | That is fun. Hey! |
| 25 | You know what? |
| 26 | We all haven't been together |
| 27 | the six of us, in such a long time. |
| 28 | What are you talking about? |
| 29 | We're all together right now. |
| 30 | Uh, Mon, Chandler's not here. |
| 31 | Oh, dear God. |
| 32 | ♪ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ♪ |
| 33 | ♪ Your job's a joke, you're broke ♪ |
| 34 | ♪ Your love life's D.O.A. ♪ |
| 35 | ♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪ |
| 36 | ♪ When it hasn't been your day, your week ♪ |
| 37 | ♪ Your month, or even your year ♪ |
| 38 | ♪ But I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 39 | ♪ 'Cause you're there for me, too. ♪ |
| 40 | Hello, everyone. |
| 41 | It's nice to see our team together |
| 42 | for the first time. |
| 43 | Now, before we get started, are there any questions? |
| 44 | Yes. Ken, is it? |
| 45 | That's right. |
| 46 | Is it true that the reason |
| 47 | you're here in Tulsa is that you fell asleep |
| 48 | in a meeting and took the job |
| 49 | without realizing what you were saying yes to? |
| 50 | ( laughs ) |
| 51 | Well, don't believe everything you hear, Ken |
| 52 | but, yeah, that's true. |
| 53 | All right |
| 54 | let's get started by taking a look |
| 55 | at last quarter's figures. |
| 56 | Uh, Claudia, aren't you supposed |
| 57 | to blow smoke up the boss's ass? |
| 58 | I'm sorry, does the smoke bother you? |
| 59 | No. No, no, no. |
| 60 | I smoked for years, then I quit. |
| 61 | Right now, I can't remember why. |
| 62 | You're not allowed to smoke in this office, though, right? |
| 63 | Yes, in Oklahoma it's legal |
| 64 | to smoke in offices with 15 people or less. |
| 65 | Would you like one? |
| 66 | All right, look-- I don't smoke anymore |
| 67 | but if the rest of you want to light up, go ahead. It's fine. |
| 68 | So you all smoke, then? |
| 69 | It's almost rude that I'm not smoking. |
| 70 | Well, that's not true. |
| 71 | If you don't want to smoke... |
| 72 | Ken, please! |
| 73 | No, I can't smoke. |
| 74 | If I smoke, my wife would kill me. |
| 75 | I'm sorry, but isn't your wife back in New York? |
| 76 | I've always liked you, Ken. |
| 77 | ( knocking ) |
| 78 | Trick or treat? |
| 79 | Hey. |
| 80 | Ooh, a treat it is. |
| 81 | Wow. So glad I changed. |
| 82 | I almost wore my threadbare robe that can't contain mybreasts. |
| 83 | This is not what I'm wearing. |
| 84 | I'm ovulating and Chandler's going to be home any minute |
| 85 | so I thought we would "try" before dinner. |
| 86 | Oh... Oh, wait! |
| 87 | You guys won't be late for my dinner, will you? |
| 88 | Believe me, Chandler and I |
| 89 | have not seen each other in over a week. |
| 90 | We'll probably be the first ones there. |
| 91 | Okay, see you there. Happy humping. |
| 92 | Hey. Hey. |
| 93 | Hey. |
| 94 | Ooh. Wow, somebody smoked out here? |
| 95 | Oh, my God, don't people know |
| 96 | you're not allowed to smoke in public spaces? |
| 97 | Actually, in Oklahoma, smoking is legal |
| 98 | in all common areas in offices with fewer than 15 people. |
| 99 | Oh. You smoked. |
| 100 | No. I just happen to know a lot of trivia |
| 101 | about smoking in different states. |
| 102 | For example, in Hawaii |
| 103 | cigarettes are called "lei-lana-lukus." |
| 104 | Oh, Chandler, you stink of cigarettes. |
| 105 | Do you think Monica's going to be able to smell it? |
| 106 | Are you kidding? That woman has the nose of a bloodhound |
| 107 | and the breasts of a Greek goddess. |
| 108 | Pheebs? |
| 109 | I'm going to go. |
| 110 | Okay. Something to cover the smell. |
| 111 | Oven cleaner. |
| 112 | Unscented. |
| 113 | Welcome home. |
| 114 | I've missed you. |
| 115 | You want to join me in the bedroom? |
| 116 | No, thanks, I'm good. |
| 117 | Okay. |
| 118 | So, you want to play it that way, do you? |
| 119 | Right. You know what? |
| 120 | Actually, I just got off a plane so I'm feeling |
| 121 | kind of gross. Maybe I should just take a shower. |
| 122 | You don't need a shower. |
| 123 | All right, the truth is... |
| 124 | I soiled myself during some turbulence. |
| 125 | What do I smell? |
| 126 | I smell smoke. |
| 127 | ( gasps ) Did you smoke? |
| 128 | Yes, but I just had one. |
| 129 | Two. |
| 130 | Two tiny cigarettes-- okay, five. |
| 131 | A pack. Two pac... a carton. |
| 132 | Three big, fat cartons in two days! |
| 133 | But it's over. |
| 134 | I've made a decision and I'm not going to smoke anymore. |
| 135 | Well, those are for you. |
| 136 | All right, well, we'll just see you when you get here. Bye. |
| 137 | Oh, that was my mom. |
| 138 | She's stuck in terrible traffic. |
| 139 | Okay, well, that is now the third sign |
| 140 | that I should not leave Emma. |
| 141 | Well, what are the other two? |
| 142 | Well, let's see-- the first one is |
| 143 | I don't want to, and the second one-- I'm not going. |
| 144 | Rach |
| 145 | I know this is the first time |
| 146 | we're leaving the baby, and, hey, I know |
| 147 | how hard it is for you, but everything's going to be fine. |
| 148 | I mean, my mom is going to be with her. |
| 149 | She's great with kids. |
| 150 | She is? |
| 151 | Yeah. |
| 152 | What about Monica? |
| 153 | Hey, you only hear Monica's side of that. |
| 154 | Okay? That little fatso was a terror. |
| 155 | I just don't think I can do it. |
| 156 | Rach, you know what? |
| 157 | You can and you should. |
| 158 | Really, it'll be good for you. |
| 159 | In fact, you know what? |
| 160 | Why don't you go ahead to the restaurant and I |
| 161 | will wait for my mom and then I'll meet you there. |
| 162 | No, no, really. You should go. |
| 163 | Just go. Go, really, the world is your oyster. |
| 164 | Kick up your heels. |
| 165 | Paint the town red. |
| 166 | You need to learn some new slang. |
| 167 | I'm serious. Come on, you should go. |
| 168 | Uh-uh-uh. |
| 169 | Just go. Oh! |
| 170 | No, no. You know what? |
| 171 | You're not getting back in there. |
| 172 | The baby's fine, now scram. |
| 173 | Yeah, tell your story walking. |
| 174 | I was just going to say that I left my keys. |
| 175 | Oh. |
| 176 | Holy moley, are we in a pickle now. |
| 177 | Where is everyone? |
| 178 | They're 40 minutes late. |
| 179 | I know... |
| 180 | I'm starving. |
| 181 | I knew we were coming here tonight. |
| 182 | I ate nothing all day. |
| 183 | How about me? I only had one lunch today. |
| 184 | So, are we expecting the rest of our party shortly? |
| 185 | Yes, they are expected presently. |
| 186 | Yeah. Their arrival is in the offing. |
| 187 | Right. Well, we do have a table for two available. |
| 188 | Perhaps you'd be more comfortable... |
| 189 | No, they're coming. |
| 190 | We're waiting right here. |
| 191 | Joseph. |
| 192 | One needn't worry-- they shan't be long. |
| 193 | It's just that we do have some large parties waiting. |
| 194 | Oh, one really does have a stick up one's ass, doesn't one? |
| 195 | How can you smoke in this day and age? |
| 196 | Have you not seen that ad? Huh? |
| 197 | Where the little kid walks through Grandpa? It's chilling. |
| 198 | I messed up. It was a meeting. |
| 199 | Everybody was smoking. |
| 200 | So what? Don't you have any willpower? |
| 201 | Willpower? I've watched home movies |
| 202 | of you eating Ding-Dongs without taking the tinfoil off. |
| 203 | You said that was sexy! |
| 204 | Okay, look. |
| 205 | Can we just drop this? |
| 206 | I'm not going to smoke again. |
| 207 | That's right. |
| 208 | Because I forbid you to smoke again. |
| 209 | You forbid me? |
| 210 | Mm-hmm. |
| 211 | You know, I've flown a long way to see my loving wife. |
| 212 | Is she here, by the way? |
| 213 | Oh, Chandler, don't joke with me, okay? |
| 214 | I'm very, very upset right now. |
| 215 | Oh. Would you |
| 216 | say this is the most upset you could be? |
| 217 | I think so. |
| 218 | Well, then I might as well... |
| 219 | do this. |
| 220 | Not really sure what to do now. |
| 221 | Well, I'll tell you |
| 222 | what we're going to do. |
| 223 | We're already late for Phoebe's birthday dinner. |
| 224 | So you're going to put out that cigarette. |
| 225 | We're going to put this fight on hold, and go have sex. |
| 226 | Fine! |
| 227 | What? |
| 228 | Sex! This is the last day I'm ovulating |
| 229 | and if we don't do it now |
| 230 | then we're going to have to wait till next month! |
| 231 | You're serious. |
| 232 | Oh, yeah. |
| 233 | All right, fine. |
| 234 | I'll do it. But no talking. |
| 235 | ( gasps ) And no cuddling. |
| 236 | And no kissing your neck. |
| 237 | Oh, good, I hate it when you do that. |
| 238 | And lots of kissing your neck. |
| 239 | Okay, the super's not home, but, you know what? |
| 240 | My mom is going to be here in a minute |
| 241 | and she has the key. |
| 242 | I can't wait that long. |
| 243 | You have to do something. |
| 244 | Knock that door down. |
| 245 | I would, but I bruise like a peach. |
| 246 | Besides, you know, |
| 247 | everything's going to be fine. |
| 248 | The baby's sleeping. |
| 249 | What if she jumped out of the bassinet? |
| 250 | Can't hold her own head up, but, yeah, jumped. |
| 251 | Oh, my God! I left the water running. |
| 252 | Rach, you did not leave the water running. |
| 253 | Please, just pull yourself together, okay? |
| 254 | Did I leave the stove on? |
| 255 | You haven't cooked since 1996. |
| 256 | Is the window open? |
| 257 | Because if a window's open |
| 258 | a bird could fly in there. |
| 259 | Oh, my God, you know what? |
| 260 | I think you're right. |
| 261 | I think... you know what? Listen. |
| 262 | Listen, a pigeon, no, no, wait, no, no. |
| 263 | An eagle flew in |
| 264 | landed on the stove and caught fire. |
| 265 | The baby, seeing this, jumps across the apartment |
| 266 | to the mighty bird's aid. |
| 267 | The eagle, however, misconstrues this as an act of aggression |
| 268 | and grabs the baby in its talon. |
| 269 | Meanwhile, the faucet |
| 270 | fills the apartment with water. |
| 271 | Baby and bird |
| 272 | still ablaze, are locked in a death grip |
| 273 | swirling around the whirlpool that fills the apartment. |
| 274 | Boy are you going to be sorry if that's true. |
| 275 | Hello. |
| 276 | Hi. Hi. |
| 277 | It's been an hour. |
| 278 | The maitre d' has asked if you'd be willing |
| 279 | to reconsider switching to a smaller table. |
| 280 | Maybe we should just eat now. |
| 281 | You can't order |
| 282 | until the entire party has arrived. |
| 283 | Restaurant policy. |
| 284 | Well, how about this? |
| 285 | Another table leaves, right? |
| 286 | But there's still some food left on their plates. |
| 287 | Okay? What's the restaurant's policy about people eating that? |
| 288 | It's frowned upon. |
| 289 | But it happens. |
| 290 | All right, I got to go to the bathroom. |
| 291 | No, you can't go. |
| 292 | No, no, no. I can't hold this table on my own. |
| 293 | If they ask me to move, I'll cave. |
| 294 | Well, if you ask me to stay, I'll pee. |
| 295 | Okay. |
| 296 | Good evening, miss. |
| 297 | Miss. |
| 298 | Miss. |
| 299 | Miss. |
| 300 | Okay, fine, I'll move. |
| 301 | All right, you don't have to manhandle me. |
| 302 | Where? |
| 303 | Okay. |
| 304 | Thank you. |
| 305 | Well. |
| 306 | Finally, you guys made it. |
| 307 | Pheebs, who the hell... ah! |
| 308 | Oh... spend more time with the tie. |
| 309 | That'll make a baby. |
| 310 | Look, I can't do this. |
| 311 | I can't make love to you while we're fighting this way. |
| 312 | Oh, sure-- now you're Mr. Sensitivity. |
| 313 | But when you wanted to have sex |
| 314 | right after my uncle's funeral... |
| 315 | That was a celebration of life! |
| 316 | All right, look-- I'm not going to do this. |
| 317 | All right-- is this really |
| 318 | the way you want our baby to be conceived? |
| 319 | No, you're right. |
| 320 | Yeah, we shouldn't do it like this. |
| 321 | ( sighs deeply ) |
| 322 | For what it's worth, I'm sorry. |
| 323 | I shouldn't have come down on you so hard about the smoking. |
| 324 | So you had a few cigarettes. |
| 325 | It's not the end of the world. |
| 326 | Really? |
| 327 | Yeah. |
| 328 | You are incredible. |
| 329 | And listen, I'm not going to smoke again. |
| 330 | And if I do, I promise-- |
| 331 | I will hide it so much better from you. |
| 332 | Do you want to? |
| 333 | Yeah, let's celebrate life! |
| 334 | Okay. |
| 335 | Whoa, God! |
| 336 | Oh, thank God |
| 337 | you're okay. |
| 338 | Oh, I'm so sorry we left you. |
| 339 | Mommy will never leave you again. |
| 340 | Never, ever, ever again. |
| 341 | ( sighs ) |
| 342 | Great, so let's get going. |
| 343 | Oh, no, I mean it. |
| 344 | After what just happened, I'm never leaving her again. |
| 345 | I understand. |
| 346 | Separation is hard. |
| 347 | One time, I was about to leave Ross |
| 348 | to go to the beauty parlor |
| 349 | and he got so upset |
| 350 | he took off all his clothes |
| 351 | tucked his willy between his legs and cried out |
| 352 | "Mommy, I'm a girl. |
| 353 | Take me with you." |
| 354 | Somehow, over time |
| 355 | it got easier to be apart from you. |
| 356 | Ahh... |
| 357 | You are welcome. |
| 358 | You know what? |
| 359 | Let's not talk. |
| 360 | What? |
| 361 | I am still so mad at you for smoking. |
| 362 | But you said you forgave me. |
| 363 | It was just a couple of cigarettes-- no big deal. |
| 364 | Blah-blah-a-blah-blah-blah- |
| 365 | blah-blah. |
| 366 | I just said that because I was ovulating |
| 367 | and you said you wouldn't have sex with me |
| 368 | if we were fighting. |
| 369 | You tricked me to get me into bed? |
| 370 | That's right. |
| 371 | I got mine. |
| 372 | I feel so used. |
| 373 | Well, I guess they're not coming. |
| 374 | Want to just order? |
| 375 | Thank you. |
| 376 | Waiter! |
| 377 | This is going to go fast so try to keep up. |
| 378 | Risotto with the shaved truffles |
| 379 | and the roasted rib steak with golden chanterelles |
| 380 | and the bordelaise sauce |
| 381 | unless any of that stuff I just said means "snails." |
| 382 | It does not. |
| 383 | Tomato tart |
| 384 | and which of the pastas would you recommend? |
| 385 | Oh, well, they're both... |
| 386 | Both it is. Thank you. |
| 387 | Oh, can I make a special request? |
| 388 | Can you bring everything as soon as it's ready? |
| 389 | Appetizers, entrees, we don't care... |
| 390 | Hi... hi... |
| 391 | Oh... |
| 392 | I'll just wait to put your order in. |
| 393 | You guys are over an hour late. |
| 394 | What happened to you two? |
| 395 | So sorry. |
| 396 | We got locked out of the apartment... |
| 397 | That's a great story. |
| 398 | Can I eat it? |
| 399 | And then Rachel wasn't sure |
| 400 | she could leave the baby. |
| 401 | Yeah, it wasn't easy, but it's your birthday |
| 402 | and I did what I had to do. |
| 403 | And that's Judy over there at the bar with Emma? |
| 404 | But honey, this is for the best. |
| 405 | This way I'm not distracted |
| 406 | worrying about Emma, how she's doing at home. |
| 407 | And I'm going to be completely here with you... |
| 408 | And, oh, she spit up. |
| 409 | What? She spit up. |
| 410 | Judy, she spit... |
| 411 | Judy, look alive, Judy! |
| 412 | Thanks. |
| 413 | Whoo, everything looks delicious. |
| 414 | What should I have? |
| 415 | What should I have? |
| 416 | Never hit a woman, never hit a woman... |
| 417 | I know what you mean. |
| 418 | This looks incredible. |
| 419 | Ross bruises like a peach. |
| 420 | He bruises like a peach. |
| 421 | Okay, I'll have the fig salad and the duck. |
| 422 | Yeah, I'll have the soup and the salmon. |
| 423 | And remember, whatever comes up first, okay... |
| 424 | and hurry, because... |
| 425 | Happy birthday. |
| 426 | Son of a bitch! |
| 427 | Where have you been? |
| 428 | Well, we had a little fight. |
| 429 | I would never lie to get someone into bed. |
| 430 | You used to tell girls you were a Kennedy. |
| 431 | ( laughing ) |
| 432 | Thank you. |
| 433 | Thanks. Ooh... |
| 434 | Thanks. |
| 435 | Well, it's a little tight, isn't it? |
| 436 | Why didn't you get a bigger table? |
| 437 | You... you had a big table, but they made you move. |
| 438 | Shut up, Monica. |
| 439 | Oh, well, I suppose |
| 440 | that Chandler will have the smoked duck. |
| 441 | And I suppose that Monica will have |
| 442 | the manipulative shrew. |
| 443 | I'll give you another minute. |
| 444 | Where are you going? |
| 445 | He said she wanted the shrew! |
| 446 | Rachel, come on. |
| 447 | Emma's fine. |
| 448 | You're turning into an obsessive mother, okay? |
| 449 | You need to stop. |
| 450 | You guys ever hear the story |
| 451 | about when Ross's mom went to the beauty salon? |
| 452 | Ah... You mean the willy story? |
| 453 | ♪ Ha-ha, they already know it. ♪ |
| 454 | You guys, we've been waiting for you for a long time. |
| 455 | Maybe you should order. |
| 456 | I already told the waiter what they want. |
| 457 | Why would you do that? |
| 458 | Chandler, control your woman! |
| 459 | Okay, well, everybody has ordered. |
| 460 | I would like to start the celebration and make a toast. |
| 461 | To Phoebe... |
| 462 | she dropped her sock. |
| 463 | Oh... what? |
| 464 | No, Emma dropped her sock. |
| 465 | MONICA: Mom's here? |
| 466 | I wanted to have lunch with her today. |
| 467 | She told me she was out of town. |
| 468 | Wait, Ross, she still has not noticed |
| 469 | that the baby's sock is on the ground. |
| 470 | It's a good toast. |
| 471 | Come on, will you please get her attention? |
| 472 | Oh... |
| 473 | Mommy? |
| 474 | Oh, for God's sake, Judy, pick up the sock! |
| 475 | Pick up the sock, pick up the sock! |
| 476 | I'm sorry. |
| 477 | Was that rude? |
| 478 | D-did my little outburst |
| 479 | blunt the hideousness that is this evening? |
| 480 | Look, I know you all have a lot going on |
| 481 | but all I wanted to do was have dinner |
| 482 | with my friends on my birthday. |
| 483 | And you were all so late |
| 484 | and you didn't even have the courtesy to call. |
| 485 | ( cell phone ringing ) |
| 486 | Well... it's too late now. |
| 487 | Yeah, Pheebs, I don't think that's us. |
| 488 | Oh. |
| 489 | Well, this is... this is... this is not over. |
| 490 | Hello? |
| 491 | And what is going on with you two? |
| 492 | Well, you see, I'm ovulating. |
| 493 | Oh, yeah. |
| 494 | That's what she says! |
| 495 | But maybe you're not ovulating at all. |
| 496 | Maybe this is all just a clever ruse |
| 497 | to get me into bed. |
| 498 | Yeah, Smokey. |
| 499 | That's what it was. |
| 500 | I just can't get enough! |
| 501 | You're not going to believe this. |
| 502 | She lied. |
| 503 | She tricked me into having sex with her. |
| 504 | So? |
| 505 | You got to have sex, right? |
| 506 | What's the matter with me? |
| 507 | Why am I such a girl? |
| 508 | Okay, that was Mike. |
| 509 | Phoebe, honey, we are so sorry. |
| 510 | You are totally right. |
| 511 | We are here 100% |
| 512 | and we love you and we are ready |
| 513 | to start your birthday celebration. |
| 514 | Oh, guys, that means the world to me. |
| 515 | Okay, I'm going to take off. |
| 516 | What? |
| 517 | Oh, I love you guys, too, but Mike got off work early. |
| 518 | Wait... wait... |
| 519 | I'm not the kind of girl |
| 520 | that just ditches her friends to be with her boyfriend. |
| 521 | Know what? I am. |
| 522 | Bye, guys. |
| 523 | Judy... bye. |
| 524 | Oh, thank God. |
| 525 | If Phoebe's gone, can we please take Emma home? |
| 526 | You know, I think that's a good idea. |
| 527 | Our baby-sitter pounded another chardonnay. |
| 528 | Oh, God! |
| 529 | Bye, you guys. Bye. |
| 530 | See you. |
| 531 | Well, guess it's just us. |
| 532 | So, I'm probably still ovulating. |
| 533 | Do you want to give it another try? |
| 534 | So, you've never had sex with a Kennedy, have you? |
| 535 | You're going to go do it now? |
| 536 | We don't have much time. |
| 537 | Once the egg descends into the fallopian... |
| 538 | Whoa, whoa... get out of here. |
| 539 | I sincerely hope |
| 540 | the rest of your party is returning. |
| 541 | No, just me. |
| 542 | All alone. |
| 543 | Dinner for six for one. |
| 544 | Well, you boys are about to see |
| 545 | something really special. |
| 546 | How was everything, sir? |
| 547 | Excellent. |
| 548 | The shrew, in particular, was exquisite. |
| 549 | Well, I hope you've got some room left. |
| 550 | ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪ |
| 551 | ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪ |
| 552 | ♪ Happy birthday, dear... ♪ |
| 553 | Joey, Joey... |
| 554 | ♪ Joey ♪ |
| 555 | ♪ Happy birthday to you. ♪ |
| 556 | Best birthday ever. |
| 557 | Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org |
| 558 | |
| 1 | ( phone rings ) |
| 2 | ( hoarsely ): Hello? |
| 3 | ( coughs ) |
| 4 | ( hoarsely ): Hello? |
| 5 | I love my new job! |
| 6 | Honey, you're screaming. |
| 7 | You bet your ass I am! |
| 8 | I just had the best first day ever. |
| 9 | The kitchen? Twice as big as Allesandro's. |
| 10 | Oh, that's great. |
| 11 | Yeah, and clean? |
| 12 | Not just Health Department clean |
| 13 | Monica clean! |
| 14 | Awesome. |
| 15 | Oh, and the people are so nice. |
| 16 | There's this one guy, Jeffrey-- |
| 17 | he's the maitre d'. |
| 18 | Chandler, you will love him. |
| 19 | He is without a doubt the funniest guy I have ever met. |
| 20 | Captioning sponsored by NBC |
| 21 | and WARNER BROS. TELEVISION |
| 22 | ♪ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ♪ |
| 23 | ♪ Your job's a joke, you're broke ♪ |
| 24 | ♪ Your love life's D.O.A. ♪ |
| 25 | ♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪ |
| 26 | ♪ When it hasn't been your day, your week ♪ |
| 27 | ♪ Your month, or even your year ♪ |
| 28 | ♪ But I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 29 | ♪ When the rain starts to pour ♪ |
| 30 | ♪ I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 31 | ♪ Like I've been there before ♪ |
| 32 | ♪ I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 33 | ♪ 'Cause you're there for me, too. ♪ |
| 34 | This is nice. |
| 35 | I know. |
| 36 | You need both hands for that? |
| 37 | Yeah, I kind of do. |
| 38 | Well, how's this? |
| 39 | Yeah? |
| 40 | Well, look at you two, holding hands. |
| 41 | Huh? Is this getting serious? |
| 42 | ( both stammering ) |
| 43 | Have you not talked about it yet? |
| 44 | Am I making you uncomfortable?! |
| 45 | If you were bigger, you'd hit me, huh? |
| 46 | Ah! |
| 47 | I'm sorry. |
| 48 | So sorry. It's obviously way too early |
| 49 | for us to be having that conversation. |
| 50 | Is it? |
| 51 | Maybe not. Is it? |
| 52 | Okay |
| 53 | when I got divorced, I-I didn't think I'd feel this way |
| 54 | about someone for a really long time. |
| 55 | Mm-hmm. Then again, I didn't think I'd meet someone like you |
| 56 | and... this may be crazy soon |
| 57 | but I want you to have this. |
| 58 | No, not... that's gum. |
| 59 | Oh, five bucks. |
| 60 | I love it when that happens, you know? |
| 61 | It's like you don't know it's there... |
| 62 | I know, Mike. Why don't you keep digging? |
| 63 | Oh, sorry. |
| 64 | Oh, it's a key. |
| 65 | To be honest, I think I'd prefer the five dollars. |
| 66 | It's to my apartment. |
| 67 | Oh, wow. Ooh. |
| 68 | Big step for Phoebe and Mike. |
| 69 | Yeah, look, and I don't want you to feel like |
| 70 | you have to give me your key just because... |
| 71 | Oh, no, I want to. |
| 72 | Oh, thank God. |
| 73 | Yeah. Ooh. Wow. |
| 74 | I was starting to think that I'd never meet someone |
| 75 | that, you know, I wanted to... do this with. |
| 76 | Here you go. |
| 77 | This is cool, huh? |
| 78 | It really is. |
| 79 | Oh, I know it. |
| 80 | It is amazing. |
| 81 | These little things open doors. |
| 82 | So, I don't go back to work for another four weeks |
| 83 | but we would like our nanny to start right away |
| 84 | so that Emma could get a chance to know her. |
| 85 | I think that's really smart. |
| 86 | The easier we can make the transition |
| 87 | for her, the better. |
| 88 | That's great! Great. |
| 89 | So do you have any questions for us? |
| 90 | Not really. All right. |
| 91 | Well, thank you so much for coming. |
| 92 | Thank you. |
| 93 | Really nice to meet you |
| 94 | and we will call you. |
| 95 | Oh, you know, wait. |
| 96 | I do have one question. |
| 97 | Do you guys do random drug testing? |
| 98 | Boy, we, uh... |
| 99 | hadn't really thought of that. |
| 100 | That's cool. |
| 101 | But if you do |
| 102 | I'm gonna need three days notice. |
| 103 | Okeydokey! |
| 104 | Wow. We're never going to find a nanny. |
| 105 | Oh, come on, Rach. |
| 106 | We will. I promise. |
| 107 | We have more interviews. |
| 108 | Oh... |
| 109 | And, worse comes to worst |
| 110 | we can always reconsider the first one we met with. |
| 111 | What, the blond with no bra?! |
| 112 | She was blond? |
| 113 | ( knocking on door ) |
| 114 | Just a sec! |
| 115 | Okay, okay. |
| 116 | This one's name is Sandy. |
| 117 | Okay. She's got a degree in Early Childhood Education. |
| 118 | Uh, she worked for her last family |
| 119 | for three years. |
| 120 | Okay. |
| 121 | Hi. I'm Sandy. |
| 122 | And she's a little mannish. |
| 123 | ( knocking on door ) |
| 124 | ( gasps ) |
| 125 | Oh, my God! David! |
| 126 | Hi. I-Is this a bad time? |
| 127 | No, it's a great time. Come in! |
| 128 | Wow! Hi! |
| 129 | Oh, my gosh! |
| 130 | What are you doing here? |
| 131 | Are you back from Minsk? |
| 132 | Well, just for a couple of days. |
| 133 | I'm here to explain |
| 134 | to the people who gave us our grant |
| 135 | why it's a positive thing that we've spent all their money |
| 136 | and, uh... uh, accomplished, uh, nothing. |
| 137 | Who cares? It got you here! |
| 138 | Well, it got me to New York, anyway |
| 139 | and then I got in a cab at the airport |
| 140 | and the guy said, "Where to?" |
| 141 | and I just... gave him your address. |
| 142 | I-I didn't even think about it. |
| 143 | Wow. Where's your luggage. |
| 144 | Damn it. |
| 145 | All right. So I'll call the cab company. |
| 146 | W-Wait. We can call them later. |
| 147 | Can I just... you just stand there for a moment? |
| 148 | ( laughs nervously ) |
| 149 | Boy. Y-You... There's an old Russian expression. |
| 150 | Um, it goes... |
| 151 | Shtoa yazdeez vizshu: oi. |
| 152 | Um, roughly translated, that means, um |
| 153 | "This thing I'm looking at: wow." |
| 154 | Thank you. |
| 155 | God, no, you should see me when... |
| 156 | Oh, actually, no, I look pretty good. |
| 157 | Are... A-Are you kidding? |
| 158 | You know when you don't see someone for a long time |
| 159 | and you kind of build them up in your head |
| 160 | and then you start thinking, "Come on, don't be crazy. |
| 161 | Nobody's that beautiful." |
| 162 | But... well, you are. |
| 163 | Ooh. |
| 164 | Well, so, uh... |
| 165 | well, are you seeing anyone? |
| 166 | No. |
| 167 | I'm just... I'm the worst person ever! |
| 168 | How can I not tell David that I'm seeing Mike?! |
| 169 | Maybe he didn't give you a chance. |
| 170 | He said, "Are you seeing someone?" |
| 171 | And I said, "No." |
| 172 | Oh, well, that would've been your window. |
| 173 | Yeah. I mean |
| 174 | I don't know, I was looking... |
| 175 | I was looking in his eyes, and I was just thinking |
| 176 | "Oh, my God, it's David. David's here." |
| 177 | He's just, he's so irresistible. |
| 178 | Really? |
| 179 | The scientist guy? |
| 180 | Really? Chandler? |
| 181 | Continue. |
| 182 | Okay, then it gets worse. |
| 183 | 'Cause then I told him |
| 184 | that I would see him tomorrow night. |
| 185 | Phoebe! |
| 186 | I know! Evil! |
| 187 | And-And-And... |
| 188 | I like Mike so much, you know. |
| 189 | It's just going really well. |
| 190 | Oh, my God! |
| 191 | Wow. Isn't it ironic that David would show up |
| 192 | on the same day that you and Mike exchange keys? |
| 193 | Uh-huh. |
| 194 | Yeah, you know, and given my lifelong search for irony |
| 195 | you can imagine how happy I am. |
| 196 | What are you going to do? |
| 197 | I mean, I guess I just have to... tell David |
| 198 | that nothing can happen between us. |
| 199 | Unless I don't. |
| 200 | You know, complicated moral situation-- no right, no wrong. |
| 201 | You have to tell David. |
| 202 | Okay, I knew |
| 203 | I should've had this conversation with Joey. |
| 204 | Funniest guy she's ever met. |
| 205 | I'm funny, right? |
| 206 | What do you know? You're a door. |
| 207 | You just like "knock-knock" jokes. |
| 208 | Save it for inside. |
| 209 | Hey! Hey! Hey! |
| 210 | So, Oklahoma's a crazy place. |
| 211 | You know, they call it the Sooner State. |
| 212 | Frankly, I'd sooner be in any other state. |
| 213 | And what's with Oklahoma having a panhandle? |
| 214 | Can all states have stuff like that? |
| 215 | "Hey, yeah, I'm from the, uh, waistband of Wyoming... |
| 216 | But when I was seven, we headed over to the crotch." |
| 217 | Was your cabin pressurized? |
| 218 | ( chuckles ) |
| 219 | And don't get me started |
| 220 | on the way the people from Tulsa talk. |
| 221 | Okay. |
| 222 | What's with the word "y'all"? |
| 223 | You know, just, two words |
| 224 | just pushed together? |
| 225 | Are we all allowed to do that? |
| 226 | Because if so, I say why stop there? |
| 227 | You know, your-your "new poodle" could be your "noodle." |
| 228 | And "fried chicken," could be "fricken." |
| 229 | Waiter! Waiter, excuse me. "I'll have the fricken." |
| 230 | See, that's, that's funny with the fricken, right? |
| 231 | No, it just reminded me of something |
| 232 | this guy did today at work. |
| 233 | I-I told you about that funny guy, Jeffrey, right? |
| 234 | Yeah, he came up. |
| 235 | Well, he did this bit... |
| 236 | You probably had to be there, but it was, uh, Liza Minelli |
| 237 | locked in our freezer, eating a raw chicken. |
| 238 | Oh! |
| 239 | ( laughing ) |
| 240 | Were you there? |
| 241 | No, but it sounds like it was fricken funny. |
| 242 | I really do understand how hard it's got to be |
| 243 | to leave your child with another person. |
| 244 | I mean... it's like leaving behind a piece of your heart. |
| 245 | Sandy, that's exactly what it is. |
| 246 | Are you gay? |
| 247 | Ross! |
| 248 | It's okay. I get that a lot doing what I do. |
| 249 | But I am straight. |
| 250 | I'm engaged, actually. |
| 251 | Her name's Delia. |
| 252 | Oh, that's pretty. |
| 253 | So you're-you're just... like, a... |
| 254 | guy who's a nanny? |
| 255 | I realize how it's a bit unorthodox for some people |
| 256 | but I really believe |
| 257 | the most satisfying thing you can do with your life |
| 258 | is take care of a child. |
| 259 | Okay. |
| 260 | Like at my last job |
| 261 | I met Daniel when he was three weeks old |
| 262 | and I got to watch him grow into this awesome person. |
| 263 | When I left, I said, "I'll see you soon" |
| 264 | and he said to me, "Skadandy..." |
| 265 | That was his name for me. |
| 266 | ( laughs ): Oh... |
| 267 | "I'll see you |
| 268 | every day, right in..." |
| 269 | ( suppressed crying ) |
| 270 | Oh... |
| 271 | Yeah, kids say all kinds of crap. |
| 272 | ( Emma crying ) |
| 273 | Oh, God, she must need her diaper changed. |
| 274 | Oh, oh, no, I can take care of that if you want. |
| 275 | Oh, that would be great. Oh... |
| 276 | Okay. |
| 277 | I love him, I love him, I love him. |
| 278 | Oh, come... |
| 279 | He's a guy. |
| 280 | So what? He's smart, he's qualified. |
| 281 | Give me one good reason we shouldn't try him out. |
| 282 | Because it's weird. |
| 283 | Why? |
| 284 | What kind of job is that for a man? A nanny? |
| 285 | It's like if a woman wanted to be... |
| 286 | Yes? |
| 287 | King? |
| 288 | I, uh, I hope you don't mind. |
| 289 | I used some of my homemade lotion on Emma. |
| 290 | It's a mixture of calendula and honey cream. |
| 291 | It'll dry that rash right up. |
| 292 | Plus, it keeps the hands young. |
| 293 | Yes! Sandy, you're hired! |
| 294 | That's great! |
| 295 | I'm sorry. |
| 296 | It's just such an emotional thing |
| 297 | when you're welcomed into a new family. |
| 298 | Oh, come on, come here. |
| 299 | You got to be at least bi. |
| 300 | Hey. |
| 301 | I need you to set me up for a joke. |
| 302 | Later, when Monica's around |
| 303 | I need you to ask me about fire trucks. |
| 304 | Ooh, I don't know, Chandler. |
| 305 | I'm not so good with remembering lines. |
| 306 | Well, thank God your livelihood doesn't depend on it. |
| 307 | I know, right? |
| 308 | Why-Why-Why are we doing this? |
| 309 | Monica says that her maitre d' |
| 310 | is the funniest guy she's ever met. |
| 311 | Seriously? |
| 312 | She actually said that? Yes. |
| 313 | Am I crazy to be this upset? |
| 314 | No. Being funny's your thing. |
| 315 | Yeah. |
| 316 | Without that, you've just got |
| 317 | "lame with women." Ye... |
| 318 | Hi. |
| 319 | There you are. Fire trucks! |
| 320 | Wow, you-you look even more beautiful |
| 321 | than you did yesterday. |
| 322 | Ooh. In fact, um |
| 323 | I'm going to kiss you now. Oh, wait, wait. |
| 324 | Yeah, I can't get away with stuff like that. |
| 325 | It-It sounded sexy in my head, so I... |
| 326 | No, no, it's not that. Here. |
| 327 | Um, remember when you asked me if I was seeing someone |
| 328 | and I said no? |
| 329 | Well, um, I am-- his name's Mike. |
| 330 | Oh. |
| 331 | Oh. Yeah. |
| 332 | I should have told you. |
| 333 | No. |
| 334 | Well, yeah. Yeah. |
| 335 | I'm sorry. I'm sorry. |
| 336 | No, it-it's okay. |
| 337 | I-I understand. Mm-hmm. |
| 338 | Well, are you happy with this guy? |
| 339 | I am happy. Damn it. |
| 340 | I-I'm sorry. I don't mean that. |
| 341 | I want you to be happy. |
| 342 | But only with me. No. That's not fair. |
| 343 | Uh, who cares? Leave him. |
| 344 | I don't mean that. Yes, I do. |
| 345 | I'm sorry. Um... |
| 346 | I-I think I... should probably, uh, go. |
| 347 | Well... |
| 348 | But if, David, just... I just want you to know |
| 349 | that-that, you know... telling you this |
| 350 | is one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. |
| 351 | Well, just so you know |
| 352 | hearing it wasn't exactly a Vladnik carnival, either. |
| 353 | Can we at least hug good-bye? |
| 354 | Of course, yeah. |
| 355 | You know, a kiss on the cheek |
| 356 | wouldn't be totally inappropriate. |
| 357 | No, no. I mean... |
| 358 | In Minsk... Yeah? |
| 359 | it's, um, it's two on each cheek... Mm-hmm. |
| 360 | and, uh, and one on the lips. |
| 361 | Well, if that's what they do in Minsk... |
| 362 | In New York, it's... |
| 363 | ( crying ) |
| 364 | Oh, boy. |
| 365 | Hi. |
| 366 | Is everything all right? |
| 367 | Oh, yeah, it's fine, it's fine. |
| 368 | Sandy was just... was just telling me |
| 369 | about how he proposed to his fiancée |
| 370 | and it was so beautiful. |
| 371 | Well, her favorite flower's the camellia. |
| 372 | From the poem... |
| 373 | I can't... I can't hear it again. |
| 374 | You know, I can't tell it again. |
| 375 | And I'm fine never having heard it. |
| 376 | Rach, can I... can I see you for a sec? |
| 377 | Yeah. Excuse me. |
| 378 | ( Rachel sighs ) |
| 379 | Do you realize |
| 380 | that man has cried in our apartment three times. |
| 381 | Huh? I haven't cried that many times since I moved in. |
| 382 | Oh, God. |
| 383 | Look, Ross, he's just... Sandy's just sensitive, that's all. |
| 384 | Okay, okay. See? That is the problem. |
| 385 | He is too sensitive. |
| 386 | Too sensitive to take care of our baby? Yeah. |
| 387 | I mean, all I'm saying is, that... |
| 388 | These are amazing. |
| 389 | Sandy made madeleines. |
| 390 | This-This is exactly what I'm talking about. |
| 391 | What kind of a guy makes-makes... |
| 392 | delicate French cookies? Huh? |
| 393 | They're not even butch, manly cookies with... |
| 394 | you know, with- with-with chunks. |
| 395 | Well, you know, I-I don't know what to say. |
| 396 | I mean, I never thought of you |
| 397 | as a guy who needed his men to be men. |
| 398 | You know? 'Cause I got to tell you, Ross |
| 399 | it's not like you just came in from branding cattle. |
| 400 | Hey, there's sensitive and there's too sensitive. |
| 401 | Okay, what? What is too sensitive? |
| 402 | ( recorder playing "Greensleeves" ) |
| 403 | Mm, no, I can't. I can't do this. |
| 404 | It's bad. |
| 405 | But it's nice. |
| 406 | And n... nice is good. Mm-hmm. |
| 407 | And good is not bad. |
| 408 | Ergo... we should keep kissing. |
| 409 | No, no, no. |
| 410 | But... |
| 411 | ergo. |
| 412 | Look, David, if you had never left |
| 413 | then, yeah, we'd probably still be together right now |
| 414 | but... but you did leave, and I'm-I'm with Mike |
| 415 | and I really care about him. |
| 416 | Um, good-bye. Uh... |
| 417 | Shtoa yazdeez vizshu: oi. |
| 418 | Well, hey, the key works. |
| 419 | You-- thanks for the face massage. |
| 420 | Thank you. |
| 421 | Did Rachel tell you we hired a male nanny? |
| 422 | Yeah. |
| 423 | I think that's great. Oh, really? |
| 424 | Did she tell you he plays the recorder |
| 425 | recites poetry and bakes madeleines? |
| 426 | Oh. How are they? |
| 427 | Lighter than air, but that's not the point. |
| 428 | Hey. |
| 429 | Hey. |
| 430 | Rachel and I hired a male nanny. |
| 431 | Really? Guys do that? |
| 432 | That's... weird. |
| 433 | Thank you. |
| 434 | Yeah, that's like a woman wanting to be a... |
| 435 | A what? A what? What's the end of that sentence? |
| 436 | Yes. What is the end of that sentence? |
| 437 | Uh... |
| 438 | a penis model. |
| 439 | Look, anyway, hey, did you tell Chandler |
| 440 | that some guy from work is the funniest guy you ever met? |
| 441 | Yeah. So? |
| 442 | Wow. |
| 443 | Really? Do you not know Chandler? |
| 444 | Is that why he's acting so weird? |
| 445 | He's jealous? |
| 446 | My God, that is crazy. |
| 447 | It's not like I'm attracted to Jeffrey. |
| 448 | So what? |
| 449 | Being funny is Chandler's thing. |
| 450 | You know? Like Ross's thing is... |
| 451 | Science? |
| 452 | Academia? |
| 453 | Being a good father? |
| 454 | No... |
| 455 | I can't believe he's that upset about this. |
| 456 | Monica, you have to do some damage control here, okay? |
| 457 | 'Cause he's feeling... |
| 458 | Hey. Hey, hey. |
| 459 | What are you guys talking about? |
| 460 | Uh... Rachel and I, uh, hired a male nanny. |
| 461 | You got a man who's a nanny? |
| 462 | You got a manny? |
| 463 | ( hysterical laughter ) |
| 464 | You know, I don't mind a male nanny |
| 465 | but I do draw the line at male wet nurse. |
| 466 | ( gasping and guffawing ) |
| 467 | Oh... oh... you are on a roll, mister! |
| 468 | If I had known you guys were coming over |
| 469 | I would have brought more pizza. |
| 470 | ( hysterical laughter ) |
| 471 | Okay! Okay! Stop it, you! You stop it! |
| 472 | ( gasping ) |
| 473 | What is so funny about that? |
| 474 | I don't know. It's... |
| 475 | Well, just the way you say it. |
| 476 | I mean, you're funny. |
| 477 | You got that funny thing. You're a funny guy. |
| 478 | Did you tell her what we talked about? |
| 479 | ( laughing hysterically ) |
| 480 | Yeah. |
| 481 | So those were pity laughs? |
| 482 | Pity laughs?! |
| 483 | Honey... |
| 484 | listen. |
| 485 | You have nothing to worry about with Jeffrey. |
| 486 | Oh, yeah? Is he funnier than me? |
| 487 | Well, you're-you're different funny. |
| 488 | I mean, you're more sarcastic |
| 489 | and-and... well, he does bits and impressions and limericks. |
| 490 | I-I do limericks. |
| 491 | Uh, there once was a man named Chandler |
| 492 | whose wife made him die inside. |
| 493 | Honey, you know I think you're hilarious. |
| 494 | Come on, you know that joke you told me last week? |
| 495 | The one about Jerry Lewis and the girl with the lazy eye. |
| 496 | Slayed me. |
| 497 | Hey... |
| 498 | I made up that joke and told it to you. |
| 499 | Not knowing when to shut up. |
| 500 | Yep, that's my thing. Yeah. |
| 501 | So... |
| 502 | how many guys have your key? |
| 503 | No, no, no, no. It's not... it's not... |
| 504 | it's not as bad as it looks, really. |
| 505 | I was just... I was saying good-bye to an old friend. |
| 506 | Your lipstick's on his mouth. |
| 507 | Oh, uh... we just, uh, happen to wear the same shade. |
| 508 | No, um... David and I did used to go out. |
| 509 | But years ago, and he lives in Minsk. |
| 510 | He's only... he's only in town for a couple of days. |
| 511 | Did you, uh... No, no. |
| 512 | Kiss him? |
| 513 | Oh, well, yeah. |
| 514 | Yes, but you should know she really likes you. |
| 515 | In fact, I don't think you realize |
| 516 | just how lucky you are, fella. |
| 517 | Don't point your finger at me. |
| 518 | Why? Wh-What are you going to do about it? |
| 519 | Well... I'll just show you |
| 520 | what I'm going to do about it. |
| 521 | You want some of that, huh? Oh, really? |
| 522 | Well, shall we fight? I can... okay. |
| 523 | Stop it! Stop it before someone gets really hurt. |
| 524 | Here, David, you should just go. |
| 525 | All right. |
| 526 | But... if I ever do come back from Minsk |
| 527 | well, you'd just better watch out. |
| 528 | Well, if I ever go to Minsk, you'd better watch out. |
| 529 | Oh, you're going to Minsk? |
| 530 | Well, I might. |
| 531 | Really? |
| 532 | Well, if you do, come in the spring. |
| 533 | It's just lovely there. |
| 534 | Okay, well, guys... |
| 535 | Well... good-bye, Phoebe. |
| 536 | Bye. |
| 537 | Hey, what, are you kidding me? |
| 538 | Right-o, right-o. |
| 539 | Um... |
| 540 | Take good care of her. |
| 541 | I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. |
| 542 | If you want your key back, I totally understand. |
| 543 | It's never going to happen again, right? |
| 544 | Right. Never, never, I swear. |
| 545 | Uh... oh, I just want to say, if you, uh... |
| 546 | if you do ever come to Minsk, that's my number. |
| 547 | Um... we'll, uh... we'll party up Vladnik style. |
| 548 | ( recorders playing "Hot Cross Buns" ) |
| 549 | Yeah, all right. |
| 550 | Hey, hey, Ross, check it out. |
| 551 | Sandy taught me "Hot Cross Buns." |
| 552 | Really? |
| 553 | Sounded like "Three Blind Mice." |
| 554 | No, "Three Blind Mice" goes like this. |
| 555 | I swear to God... |
| 556 | Who's up for puppets? |
| 557 | Me. I'm up for puppets. |
| 558 | Well, please welcome |
| 559 | the Snufflebumps. |
| 560 | Who wants to be Mr. Wigglemunch |
| 561 | and who's going to be the Grumpus? |
| 562 | ROSS: Okay, okay... |
| 563 | how exactly is a two-month-old supposed to appreciate puppets? |
| 564 | Actually, studies have shown that the movement and colors |
| 565 | help their cerebral development. |
| 566 | The whimsical characters are just for us. |
| 567 | I want to be Mr. Wigglemunch. |
| 568 | Oh, my God. |
| 569 | Well, I guess we know who's going to be the Grumpus. |
| 570 | ( laughing ) |
| 571 | Well, that was kind of rude. |
| 572 | Oh, I'm sorry. |
| 573 | Please apologize to Sandy and the Snufflebumps for me. |
| 574 | You know, he was just doing his job. |
| 575 | You know what? |
| 576 | I'm... I'm sorry I'm the only one |
| 577 | who isn't in love with "Gary Poppins" out there... |
| 578 | But I-I-I just... I can't, I can't go through with this. |
| 579 | Come on, Ross. No. Hey, you know what? |
| 580 | I'm sorry, I would never force you |
| 581 | to hire someone you were this uncomfortable with. |
| 582 | ( sighs ) |
| 583 | Oh, that's true. |
| 584 | Thank you. |
| 585 | Well, you're the one who wants to fire him |
| 586 | so you're going to have to go do it. |
| 587 | ( chuckles ) |
| 588 | So, you see, Wigglemunch |
| 589 | that's why it's important to share. |
| 590 | I am learning so much from you. |
| 591 | Well, I'm off to Tulsa |
| 592 | so if your maitre d' friend has any funny Oklahoma jokes |
| 593 | tell him to e-mail me at www.hahanotsomuch.com. |
| 594 | Honey, you can relax. |
| 595 | Last night at work, Jeffrey told this really sexist joke. |
| 596 | After that, not so funny anymore. |
| 597 | Really? Mm-hmm. |
| 598 | See, that's the thing. |
| 599 | You got to keep it smart, people. |
| 600 | Okay... don't miss that flight. |
| 601 | You know I love you. |
| 602 | I love you, too. |
| 603 | And I like you as a friend. |
| 604 | Right. |
| 605 | See you later. |
| 606 | See ya. |
| 607 | Did that guy really make that joke? |
| 608 | No, he still kills me. |
| 609 | Last night he had me laughing so hard |
| 610 | I swear a little pee came out. |
| 611 | Here it goes. |
| 612 | I can't watch. |
| 613 | It's like firing Elmo. |
| 614 | Sandy, hi. |
| 615 | Hi. |
| 616 | We, uh... we kind of need to talk. |
| 617 | I'm afraid it's... it's not working out. |
| 618 | Oh... Yeah, um... |
| 619 | I mean, Rachel and I think you are great with Emma. |
| 620 | Um... we just feel... |
| 621 | RACHEL: You. You feel. |
| 622 | I... |
| 623 | just feel that the... |
| 624 | the chemistry isn't right. |
| 625 | I'm-I'm sorry. |
| 626 | We're... We're more than happy |
| 627 | to give you a good recommendation, and... |
| 628 | No, no, that's okay. |
| 629 | I've... had a lot of offers from other families. |
| 630 | I... just picked you guys, 'cause I liked you the best. |
| 631 | RACHEL: Oh, damn you, Geller. |
| 632 | Anyway, uh, well, I'm glad there's no hard feelings. |
| 633 | No, none at all. |
| 634 | You need to be happy with whoever's in your home. |
| 635 | Although, if you don't mind telling me... |
| 636 | Hmm? |
| 637 | What was your problem? |
| 638 | Maybe it's something I can work on in the future. |
| 639 | No... you know, it's-it's, uh, nothing you did. |
| 640 | It's... it's, uh... it's my issue. |
| 641 | What is it? |
| 642 | ( chuckles uncomfortably ) |
| 643 | Please? |
| 644 | You know, I'm just not, um... that comfortable with a guy |
| 645 | who's as sensitive as you. |
| 646 | ( sighs ) |
| 647 | That's fair. |
| 648 | Although, can I ask... |
| 649 | why do you think that is? |
| 650 | Why? I-I don't know. |
| 651 | Um... uh... |
| 652 | maybe... maybe because of my father? |
| 653 | Mmm. |
| 654 | I mean, um, you know, when I was growing up |
| 655 | he was kind of a tough guy. |
| 656 | And as a kid I wasn't the athlete I am now. |
| 657 | ( Rachel guffaws ) |
| 658 | I play squash! |
| 659 | Anyway... I, um... |
| 660 | I always got the feeling he thought I was too sensitive. |
| 661 | That must have been hard. |
| 662 | It was hard. |
| 663 | No, I remember I was in my bedroom |
| 664 | playing with my dinosaurs-- |
| 665 | playing and learning-- |
| 666 | and my father walks in and he says... |
| 667 | he says, "What are you doing with those things? |
| 668 | "What's wrong with you? |
| 669 | "Why aren't you... |
| 670 | Why aren't you outside playing like a... like a real boy?" |
| 671 | But you are a real boy. |
| 672 | ( crying ): I know I am. |
| 673 | And when it's summer and it's hot |
| 674 | why can't you wear a tank top? |
| 675 | It's all right. |
| 676 | Crying is good. |
| 677 | It lets the boo-hoos out. |
| 678 | Here comes some more. |
| 679 | Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org |
| 680 | And what's the one kind of boat |
| 681 | that can never ever sink? |
| 682 | What kind? |
| 683 | A friendship. |
| 684 | Wow, you blow my mind. |
| 685 | Oh, I got to go. |
| 686 | Oh... how much do I owe you? |
| 687 | 20 bucks. |
| 688 | Oh, it's like the cheapest college ever. |
| 689 | |
| 1 | And that's why no matter what Mommy says |
| 2 | we really were on a break. |
| 3 | Yes, we were. Yes, we were. |
| 4 | Come here, gorgeous. |
| 5 | Oh, look at you. |
| 6 | You are the cutest little baby ever. |
| 7 | You're just a little-bitty baby, you know that? |
| 8 | But you've got... you've got big, beautiful eyes. |
| 9 | Yes, you do. |
| 10 | And a big, round belly. |
| 11 | A big, baby butt. |
| 12 | I like big butts. |
| 13 | ♪ I like big butts and I cannot lie ♪ |
| 14 | ♪ You other brothers can't deny ♪ |
| 15 | ♪ When a girl walks in with an itty-bitty waist ♪ |
| 16 | ♪ And a round thing in your face, you get... ♪ |
| 17 | Oh, my God, Emma. |
| 18 | You're laughing. |
| 19 | Oh, my God, you've never done that before, have you? |
| 20 | You've never done that before. |
| 21 | Daddy made you laugh, huh? |
| 22 | Well, Daddy and Sir Mix-A-Lot. |
| 23 | What? What? You want to hear some more? |
| 24 | ♪ My anaconda don't want none ♪ |
| 25 | ♪ Unless you got buns, hon... ♪ |
| 26 | I'm a terrible father. |
| 27 | ♪ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ♪ |
| 28 | ♪ Your job's a joke, you're broke ♪ |
| 29 | ♪ Your love life's D.O.A. ♪ |
| 30 | ♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪ |
| 31 | ♪ When it hasn't been your day, your week ♪ |
| 32 | ♪ Your month, or even your year ♪ |
| 33 | ♪ But I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 34 | ♪ When the rain starts to pour ♪ |
| 35 | ♪ I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 36 | ♪ Like I've been there before ♪ |
| 37 | ♪ I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 38 | ♪ 'Cause you're there for me, too. ♪ |
| 39 | Hey. Hey. |
| 40 | Listen, what do you guys know about investments? |
| 41 | How come? |
| 42 | I'm starting to make good money on the show |
| 43 | and I'm thinking I should probably do something with it. |
| 44 | What do you do with your money now? |
| 45 | It's taped to the back of my toilet tank. |
| 46 | I didn't say that. |
| 47 | It's in a bank, guarded by robots. |
| 48 | Do you have any ideas? |
| 49 | Yeah, this guy at work got me excited |
| 50 | about going in on an emu farm. |
| 51 | That'd be kind of cool, huh? |
| 52 | Pitching in on the weekends, helping to plant the emus. |
| 53 | Joe, emus are birds. |
| 54 | You raise them for meat. |
| 55 | ( laughs ): Yuh, right. |
| 56 | People eat birds. |
| 57 | Bird meat. |
| 58 | Now do they just fly into your mouth? |
| 59 | Or do you go into a restaurant and say |
| 60 | "Excuse me, I'll have a bucket of fried bird"? |
| 61 | Or "maybe just a wing or a..." |
| 62 | Joey, I think you should consider |
| 63 | something a little less risky. |
| 64 | I think in this market |
| 65 | real estate is your best investment. |
| 66 | The Fed just lowered the rates |
| 67 | and the interest on your mortgage |
| 68 | is totally deductible. |
| 69 | That's right, I know some stuff. |
| 70 | Real estate, huh? |
| 71 | Oh, and you know who's selling a great apartment? Richard. |
| 72 | And you know whose knowledge of her ex-boyfriend is shocking? |
| 73 | Monica. |
| 74 | My dad told me. They play golf together. |
| 75 | Oh, well, maybe I'll join them sometime. |
| 76 | I just hope the club doesn't slip out of my hand |
| 77 | and beat the mustache off his face. |
| 78 | Hi. Hi. |
| 79 | Listen, you have to help me pick a dress |
| 80 | 'cause I'm meeting Mike's parents tonight. |
| 81 | Wow, the boyfriend's parents. That's a big step. |
| 82 | Really? That hadn't occurred to me. |
| 83 | Sweetie, they're going to love you-- just be yourself. |
| 84 | They live on the Upper East Side on Park Avenue. |
| 85 | Oh, yeah, she can't be herself. |
| 86 | Okay, so... |
| 87 | all right, which dress? |
| 88 | You can say neither. |
| 89 | Neither. Oh, God, neither. |
| 90 | I'm sorry, honey. |
| 91 | We'll take you shopping. It's going to be fine. |
| 92 | Yeah, totally. You are in such good hands. |
| 93 | And I am so good with meeting parents. |
| 94 | With the father, you know, you want to flirt a little bit |
| 95 | but not in a gross way. |
| 96 | Just kind of like, "Oh, Mr. Pinzer |
| 97 | I can see where Wallace gets his good looks." |
| 98 | You went out with Wallace Pinzer? |
| 99 | Oh, he took the SATs for me. |
| 100 | I knew you didn't get a 1,400. |
| 101 | Well, duh! |
| 102 | So, now, what about with Mike's mom? |
| 103 | Oh, well, with the mother |
| 104 | just constantly tell her how amazing her son is. |
| 105 | Take it from me. Moms love me. |
| 106 | Ross's mom one time actually said |
| 107 | I am like the daughter that she never had. |
| 108 | She said what? |
| 109 | That she's like the daughter she never had. |
| 110 | Listen. |
| 111 | Hi. Hi. |
| 112 | I just finished getting Phoebe all dressed |
| 113 | to meet Mike's parents. |
| 114 | She's so nervous. It's so sweet. |
| 115 | Guess what. I made Emma laugh today. |
| 116 | You what?! |
| 117 | And I missed it? |
| 118 | Because I was giving a makeover |
| 119 | to that stupid hippie?! |
| 120 | Yeah, and it was... it was like |
| 121 | a real little person laugh, too. |
| 122 | It was like, um... |
| 123 | ( screechy giggling ) |
| 124 | Only... only not creepy. |
| 125 | What did you do to make her laugh? |
| 126 | I, um... well, I sang. |
| 127 | Actually, I rapped... |
| 128 | um... "Baby Got Back." |
| 129 | You what? |
| 130 | You sang to our baby daughter |
| 131 | a song about a guy who likes to have sex |
| 132 | with women with giant asses?! |
| 133 | But you know what? If you think about it |
| 134 | it actually promotes a healthy body image. |
| 135 | Because even big butts or "juicy doubles" are... |
| 136 | ( groans ) |
| 137 | Please don't take her away from me. |
| 138 | Oh, hi. Come on in. |
| 139 | I'm Catherine, the listing agent. |
| 140 | Hi, I'm Joey, this is Chandler. |
| 141 | So, how come Richard's selling the place? |
| 142 | Went bankrupt? Medical malpractice? |
| 143 | Choked on his own mustache? |
| 144 | Actually, he's buying a much bigger place. |
| 145 | It's got a great view of Central Park... |
| 146 | Ah, that's enough out of you. |
| 147 | Is there anything we should know about the apartment? |
| 148 | All of the appliances are included. |
| 149 | There's a lot of light, a new kitchen. |
| 150 | I think you guys would be very happy here. |
| 151 | ( chuckling ) Oh, no, no, no. No, no, no. |
| 152 | No! |
| 153 | No, no, we're not together. |
| 154 | We're not a couple. We're definitely not a couple. |
| 155 | Oh, okay, sorry. |
| 156 | Wow, you seemed pretty insulted by that. |
| 157 | What, I'm not good enough for you? |
| 158 | We are not going to have this conversation again. |
| 159 | Look at this place. |
| 160 | Why am I so intimidated by this guy? |
| 161 | Pretentious art... |
| 162 | this huge, macho couch. |
| 163 | When we know all he does is sit around all day |
| 164 | crying about losing Monica to a real man. |
| 165 | You don't think he's here, do you? |
| 166 | You know, it's a nice place. |
| 167 | But I got to say, I don't know if I see myself living here. |
| 168 | Well, let me see. |
| 169 | Yeah, I can see it. |
| 170 | Look at these videos. |
| 171 | I mean, who does he think he is? |
| 172 | Magnum Force, Dirty Harry, Cool Hand Luke... |
| 173 | Oh, my God. What? |
| 174 | There's a tape here with Monica's name on it. |
| 175 | Ooh, a tape with a girl's name on it. |
| 176 | It's probably a sex tape. |
| 177 | Wait a minute. This says "Monica." |
| 178 | And this is Richard's apartment. |
| 179 | Get there faster! |
| 180 | ( gasps ) |
| 181 | Wow. |
| 182 | You look... |
| 183 | like my mom. |
| 184 | I'm wearing pantyhose. |
| 185 | Great. |
| 186 | Come on in. |
| 187 | Hi. Hi. |
| 188 | Thank you. |
| 189 | Oh. |
| 190 | Oh, my God, you're rich. |
| 191 | No, my parents are rich. |
| 192 | So? They got to die someday. |
| 193 | Hello. |
| 194 | Mom, Dad, this is Phoebe. |
| 195 | Phoebe, these are my parents, Theodore and Bitsy. |
| 196 | ( affected manner ): Theodore, Bitsy. |
| 197 | What a delight. |
| 198 | It's so nice to finally meet you. |
| 199 | And you. |
| 200 | Your home is lovely. |
| 201 | Thank you. I'll give you a tour later. |
| 202 | It's actually three floors. |
| 203 | ( still affected ): Holy crap. |
| 204 | Phoebe, why don't you come in the living room |
| 205 | and meet our friends? |
| 206 | Try and stop me. |
| 207 | Hey, what are you doing? |
| 208 | I'm trying to get your parents to like me. |
| 209 | Yeah, I'm sure they will. |
| 210 | But you don't have to do this. |
| 211 | I want them to get to know Phoebe, not... |
| 212 | ( affected ): Phoebe. |
| 213 | ( still affected ): You got it. |
| 214 | It's hard to stop. |
| 215 | Well, come on. |
| 216 | Phoebe, these are our friends |
| 217 | Tom and Sue Engel. |
| 218 | Phoebe, come sit. |
| 219 | Tell us a little bit about yourself. |
| 220 | So where are you from? |
| 221 | Um... okay. |
| 222 | ( normal voice ): Well, all right, um... |
| 223 | Originally I'm from upstate. |
| 224 | But then my mom killed herself |
| 225 | and my step-dad went to prison. |
| 226 | So I just... |
| 227 | moved to the city |
| 228 | where I actually lived |
| 229 | in a burned out Buick LeSabre for a while. |
| 230 | Which was okay, that was okay |
| 231 | until I got hepatitis |
| 232 | you know, 'cause... |
| 233 | this pimp spit in my mouth, and... |
| 234 | But I got over it. |
| 235 | And, um... anyway, now I'm a freelance massage therapist |
| 236 | which, you know, isn't always steady money |
| 237 | but at least I don't pay taxes, you know? |
| 238 | ( affected manner ): So where does everyone summer? |
| 239 | Oh, God, this is not going well. |
| 240 | No, no, you're doing fine, really. |
| 241 | Why don't you go talk to my dad. |
| 242 | Okay, okay, okay. |
| 243 | Still sure about me being myself? |
| 244 | Absolutely. |
| 245 | Maybe just... a little less pimp spit. |
| 246 | Okay. |
| 247 | So, Theodore... |
| 248 | I can see where Mike gets his good looks from. |
| 249 | Oh, well... |
| 250 | And that physique. |
| 251 | You must work out all the time. |
| 252 | No, not all the time. |
| 253 | I do the best I can. |
| 254 | Yeah, I bet. Look out. |
| 255 | Oh, ow! |
| 256 | Oh, my God. Are you okay? |
| 257 | ( groaning ): I... recently had surgery. |
| 258 | I'm so sorry. |
| 259 | No, I'll be fine. |
| 260 | I just... should check the stitches. |
| 261 | I really, really am sorry. |
| 262 | How could you know? |
| 263 | Why wouldn't you punch me in the stomach? |
| 264 | Um, did you just hit my dad? |
| 265 | Yes. |
| 266 | I'm sorry. |
| 267 | I've never met a boyfriend's parents before. |
| 268 | But you have met humans before, right? |
| 269 | Look, why don't you go talk to my mom. |
| 270 | Yeah, okay, yeah, your mom, okay. |
| 271 | She looks nice. I can talk to her. |
| 272 | You do that and then I'm going |
| 273 | to go check my dad for signs of internal bleeding. |
| 274 | Yeah. Okay. |
| 275 | Oh, Bitsy, hi. |
| 276 | Listen, I just wanted to thank you again |
| 277 | for having me here tonight. |
| 278 | Well, not at all. |
| 279 | Also I just want you to know what a wonderful man your son is. |
| 280 | Thank you. I think so, too. |
| 281 | Well, and it really is a testament to how he was raised. |
| 282 | Especially to you |
| 283 | because he's very respectful of women. |
| 284 | Is he really? |
| 285 | Are you kidding? |
| 286 | He is so considerate of my feelings |
| 287 | and, you know, I think you'd also like to know |
| 288 | that he is a very gentle lover. |
| 289 | Excuse me? |
| 290 | Oh, no, no, no, no. |
| 291 | Don't get me wrong. |
| 292 | No, not in like a sissy way. |
| 293 | No, no, no. |
| 294 | When he gets going, he can rattle a headboard |
| 295 | like a sailor on leave. |
| 296 | That's... my boy. |
| 297 | Awesome. |
| 298 | I'm not going to watch it. |
| 299 | I don't need to watch it. |
| 300 | I mean, what good could possibly come from watching it? |
| 301 | Well, we know I'm going to watch it. |
| 302 | Hey, dude, what's up? |
| 303 | Don't judge me. I'm only human! |
| 304 | Did you take that tape? |
| 305 | I had to. Okay, imagine you were married |
| 306 | and you found a tape of your wife in another guy's apartment. |
| 307 | Wouldn't you need to know to know what was on it? |
| 308 | I don't know. Who am I married to? |
| 309 | Some girl. |
| 310 | She hot? |
| 311 | Yeah. |
| 312 | How did she get me to settle down? |
| 313 | All right, I'm going to watch it. |
| 314 | I mean, look, it's probably not even what I think it is. |
| 315 | And even if it is, it can't possibly be as bad |
| 316 | as what I'm picturing in my head. |
| 317 | Can it? |
| 318 | I don't know. |
| 319 | In my experience, if a girl says yes to being taped |
| 320 | she doesn't say no to much else, I'll tell you. |
| 321 | Then you're going to have to watch it for me. |
| 322 | What? Whoa. What? |
| 323 | Just for a few seconds |
| 324 | so I can know what it is. Please? |
| 325 | All right, fine. |
| 326 | But if I enjoy this |
| 327 | you have only yourself to blame. |
| 328 | ( crowd cheering ) |
| 329 | Why am I hearing cheering? |
| 330 | Well, it's okay. |
| 331 | It's just a football game. |
| 332 | Football? It's just football? |
| 333 | Yeah. See? You were all worried for nothing. |
| 334 | It's football! It's just football! |
| 335 | This is great. |
| 336 | This is the first time I've ever enjoyed football. |
| 337 | I think it may be customary to get a beer. |
| 338 | ( erotic moaning ) |
| 339 | What the...? |
| 340 | What are you doing?! |
| 341 | You don't want to see what I just saw! |
| 342 | What are you guys doing? |
| 343 | Oh, my God! Is that Richard?! |
| 344 | Okay. |
| 345 | Please laugh for Mommy. Please. |
| 346 | Please laugh for Mommy. |
| 347 | ( blowing raspberry ) |
| 348 | Not funny, huh? |
| 349 | Well, so is it... only offensive novelty rap? |
| 350 | Or maybe just. you know, rap in general? |
| 351 | 'Cause Mommy can rap. |
| 352 | ♪ My name is Mommy ♪ |
| 353 | ♪ And I'm here to say ♪ |
| 354 | ♪ That all the babies... ♪ |
| 355 | Oh, I can't rap. |
| 356 | All right, sweetheart. |
| 357 | This is only because I love you so much |
| 358 | and I know that you're not going to tell anybody. |
| 359 | ♪ I like... big butts and I cannot lie ♪ |
| 360 | ♪ You other brothers can't deny ♪ |
| 361 | ♪ When a girl walks in with an itty-bitty waist ♪ |
| 362 | ♪ And a round thing in your face... ♪ |
| 363 | Yes, yes, yes. |
| 364 | Yes! |
| 365 | ♪ I like big butts ♪ |
| 366 | ♪ And I cannot lie ♪ |
| 367 | ♪ You other brothers can't deny... ♪ |
| 368 | Oh, Emma, you're laughing. |
| 369 | Oh, you are. |
| 370 | You really do like big butts, don't you? |
| 371 | Oh, you beautiful little weirdo. |
| 372 | Hey. |
| 373 | You missed it. |
| 374 | She was laughing. |
| 375 | Oh, it was amazing. |
| 376 | It was amazing. |
| 377 | It was the most beautiful, beautiful sound. |
| 378 | Oh, I know. Isn't it? |
| 379 | What'd you do to get her to laugh? |
| 380 | Uh... you know, I just... |
| 381 | a couple of things, I tried... different thing. |
| 382 | "Itsy Bitsy Spider." |
| 383 | You sang "Baby Got Back," didn't you? |
| 384 | Nothing else works. |
| 385 | That girl is all about the ass. |
| 386 | And then it goes back to the chorus-- |
| 387 | ♪ Smelly cat, smelly cat ♪ |
| 388 | ♪ It's not your fault. ♪ |
| 389 | And that's the end of the song. |
| 390 | I realize you hadn't asked to hear it, but, um... |
| 391 | no one had spoken in 17 minutes. |
| 392 | So, Phoebe writes lots of great songs. |
| 393 | What was that one you sang the other night |
| 394 | that everybody just loved? |
| 395 | Oh, "Pervert Parade"? |
| 396 | No... |
| 397 | Oh, "Ode to a Pubic Hair"? |
| 398 | Stop. |
| 399 | Oh, God. |
| 400 | Is that veal? |
| 401 | Mom, I thought I told you, Phoebe's a vegetarian. |
| 402 | Oh... |
| 403 | Oh, no, no, that's okay. That's okay. |
| 404 | I mean, I am a vegetarian, except for veal. |
| 405 | Yeah... no, veal I love. |
| 406 | Phoebe, you don't have to eat that. |
| 407 | Actually, it's any baby animals. |
| 408 | Kittens, fish babies. |
| 409 | But, you know, especially veal. |
| 410 | And this... this nice vein of fat running through it. |
| 411 | Mm, yummy. |
| 412 | So... |
| 413 | what do you think? |
| 414 | So you stole that tape from Richard's apartment? |
| 415 | Oh, listen to the judgment from the porn star. |
| 416 | That tape was never meant to be seen by... |
| 417 | Joey, I would feel more comfortable |
| 418 | if I was having this conversation in private. |
| 419 | Monica, look, I don't think you and I have any secrets anymore. |
| 420 | Not ready to joke about it yet. |
| 421 | Okay, I'll see you later. |
| 422 | Why in the world would you take this tape? |
| 423 | And why would you watch it? |
| 424 | Because that's who I am, okay? |
| 425 | I'm sure |
| 426 | a mature man like Richard |
| 427 | could see a tape like that and it wouldn't bother him. |
| 428 | Just be another saucy anecdote |
| 429 | for him to share at his men's club |
| 430 | over brandy and mustaches. |
| 431 | Is all of this about |
| 432 | you not being able to grow a mustache? |
| 433 | This is about you and Richard. |
| 434 | He's clearly not over you. |
| 435 | He keeps a tape so he can look at it |
| 436 | whenever he wants. |
| 437 | Isn't that sad? |
| 438 | I mean, can you see how pathetic that is? |
| 439 | You shouldn't be jealous. |
| 440 | You should feel bad for him. |
| 441 | Oh, yeah, well, poor Richard. |
| 442 | I can grow a mustache. |
| 443 | Chandler, this is not our problem. |
| 444 | We've got each other. |
| 445 | That's all that matters. |
| 446 | Yeah, but I just keep picturing you |
| 447 | rolling around with him |
| 448 | with your cowboy boots in the air. |
| 449 | Cowboy boots? |
| 450 | I've never worn cowboy boots in my whole life. |
| 451 | Good, good, play more. |
| 452 | 'Cause I want to see how it ends. |
| 453 | That's not me. |
| 454 | What? |
| 455 | That's not you! |
| 456 | Life is good again. |
| 457 | Ride 'em, cowgirl! |
| 458 | That bastard taped over me. |
| 459 | Is that a problem? |
| 460 | Well, it's just so insulting. |
| 461 | I mean, spring for a new blank tape, Doctor. |
| 462 | I can't imagine what he sees in her. |
| 463 | She actually makes me miss |
| 464 | that pill-popping ex-wife of his. |
| 465 | Oh, hello, dear. |
| 466 | Hey. |
| 467 | What's going on? |
| 468 | We were just chitchatting. |
| 469 | How's your friend? |
| 470 | A little better. |
| 471 | By the way, do you know who's moving back into town? |
| 472 | Tom and Sue's daughter Jen. |
| 473 | You remember her, Michael. |
| 474 | She's lovely and well-behaved and single. |
| 475 | I'm not interested. |
| 476 | Oh, please, darling, let's be honest. |
| 477 | You can have all the sailor fun you want with that one |
| 478 | but let's be real. |
| 479 | All right, stop. |
| 480 | You know, all Phoebe has done tonight |
| 481 | is try and get you to like her. |
| 482 | Maybe that hasn't been clear all the time |
| 483 | but she did her best. |
| 484 | And yeah, she's a little different than you are. |
| 485 | Michael, a pimp spit in her mouth. |
| 486 | MIKE: So what? |
| 487 | I mean, if I can get past that |
| 488 | it shouldn't bother you. |
| 489 | And you don't have to like her. |
| 490 | You just have to accept the fact that I do. |
| 491 | I mean, if you can't even be civil to the woman I love... |
| 492 | The woman you what? |
| 493 | Yeah, the woman you what? |
| 494 | The woman I love. |
| 495 | I love you. |
| 496 | Which is probably something I shouldn't say |
| 497 | for the first time in front of my parents... |
| 498 | and Tom and Sue... |
| 499 | who are, by the way, the most |
| 500 | sinfully boring people I've ever met in my life. |
| 501 | I love you, too. |
| 502 | You do? |
| 503 | Yeah. |
| 504 | How great is this? |
| 505 | Want to get out of here? |
| 506 | Okay. |
| 507 | Mom, Dad, thanks for dinner. |
| 508 | I had a great time. |
| 509 | ( affected ): It was really top drawer. |
| 510 | And here's something rich-- |
| 511 | 13 bathrooms in this place-- I threw up in the coat closet. |
| 512 | Ta-ta. |
| 513 | ♪ So, fellas ♪ ♪ Yeah? ♪ |
| 514 | ♪ Fellas ♪ ♪ Yeah? ♪ |
| 515 | ♪ Has your girlfriend got the butt? ♪ ♪ Hell, yeah ♪ |
| 516 | ♪ So shake it ♪ ♪ Shake it ♪ |
| 517 | ♪ Shake it ♪ ♪ Shake it ♪ |
| 518 | ♪ Shake that nasty butt ♪ |
| 519 | ♪ Baby got back ♪ |
| 520 | ♪ One more time from the top ♪ |
| 521 | ♪ I like big butts and I cannot lie... ♪ |
| 522 | ♪ You other broth... ♪ |
| 523 | Rachel, please, that is so inappropriate. |
| 524 | |
| 1 | MONICA: Hey, hon? |
| 2 | Would you help me get the plates down? |
| 3 | Yeah. Hey, here's an idea. |
| 4 | Why don't we use our wedding china today? |
| 5 | No. I think we should save our china |
| 6 | for something really special. |
| 7 | Like... if the Queen of England comes over. |
| 8 | Honey, she keeps canceling on us. |
| 9 | Take the hint. |
| 10 | What... what if something gets broken? |
| 11 | They're so expensive. |
| 12 | What is the point of having them if we never use them? |
| 13 | Okay, but if something gets broken |
| 14 | and then the Queen comes over... |
| 15 | I will explain it to her. |
| 16 | Oh, yeah. Like I'm going to let you talk to the Queen. |
| 17 | Wow, the parade is really good this year. |
| 18 | Man, those horses can crap. |
| 19 | TV ANNOUNCER: Next up is a marching band |
| 20 | from Muskogee, Oklahoma. |
| 21 | Muskogee? That's, like, four hours from Tulsa! |
| 22 | Whoo-hoo! |
| 23 | ANNOUNCER: And here comes the float |
| 24 | with the stars of the popular daytime soap |
| 25 | Days of Our Lives. |
| 26 | Oh, my God! |
| 27 | Aren't you one of the stars |
| 28 | of the popular daytime soap Days of Our Lives? |
| 29 | Yeah! |
| 30 | I totally forgot, I'm supposed to be there. |
| 31 | I can't believe I forgot. |
| 32 | I usually write stuff like this down on my arm. |
| 33 | Oh! |
| 34 | Stupid long sleeves! |
| 35 | What are you going to do? |
| 36 | I guess I'm going to have to come up |
| 37 | with a really good reason why I wasn't there. |
| 38 | The producers are going to be so mad at me. |
| 39 | They sat us all down yesterday |
| 40 | and said, "Everyone has to be there 6:00 a.m. sharp. |
| 41 | That means you, Tribbiani." |
| 42 | Like... like I was some kind of idiot. |
| 43 | Well, you proved them wrong. |
| 44 | Yeah. |
| 45 | ♪ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ♪ |
| 46 | ♪ Your job's a joke, you're broke ♪ |
| 47 | ♪ Your love life's D.O.A. ♪ |
| 48 | ♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪ |
| 49 | ♪ When it hasn't been your day, your week ♪ |
| 50 | ♪ Your month, or even your year ♪ |
| 51 | ♪ But I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 52 | ♪ When the rain starts to pour ♪ |
| 53 | ♪ I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 54 | ♪ Like I've been there before ♪ |
| 55 | ♪ I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 56 | ♪ 'Cause you're there for me, too. ♪ |
| 57 | Oh, Emma. |
| 58 | This is your first Thanksgiving. |
| 59 | What are you thankful for? |
| 60 | Mommy's boobies? |
| 61 | A lot of people are thankful for those. |
| 62 | ( knocking on door ) |
| 63 | WOMAN: Hello? Rachel? |
| 64 | Who is it? |
| 65 | It's your favorite sister. |
| 66 | Jill? Jill? |
| 67 | Amy. |
| 68 | Hide my rings. |
| 69 | ( groans ) |
| 70 | Amy! |
| 71 | Happy Thanksgiving. |
| 72 | Do you have a hair straightener? |
| 73 | Um... hi. |
| 74 | Oh. |
| 75 | Aw... Hi... |
| 76 | Hair straightener. |
| 77 | ( chuckles ) |
| 78 | I haven't see you in, like, a year. |
| 79 | Oh, I know, I know. |
| 80 | I've just been crazed. |
| 81 | Oh, well, yeah, me, too. |
| 82 | Um, I had a baby. |
| 83 | I decorated Dad's office. |
| 84 | Oh, yeah? |
| 85 | Well, unless you pushed a desk out of your vagina |
| 86 | not the same thing. |
| 87 | Listen, um, about that hair straightener, honey |
| 88 | I really need one-- I'm going to have dinner |
| 89 | at my boyfriend's house. |
| 90 | Oh, my God. Mm-hmm. |
| 91 | Is this Emmet? |
| 92 | Uh, it's Emma. |
| 93 | It's a girl? |
| 94 | Hey, Amy. |
| 95 | Oh, Amy, you remember Ross. |
| 96 | Uh... not really. |
| 97 | But... you are much cuter than that geeky guy she used to date. |
| 98 | That was me. No. |
| 99 | He was this creepy guy from high school |
| 100 | who had this huge crush on her |
| 101 | since, like, the ninth grade. |
| 102 | Still me. |
| 103 | No, I'm not talking about you. |
| 104 | Come on, it was your fat friend's brother |
| 105 | with that bad afro, do you remember? |
| 106 | Okay, Amy, I'm going to save you some time, okay? |
| 107 | All me. |
| 108 | Careful. |
| 109 | Careful. |
| 110 | Careful! Sorry. |
| 111 | I'll tell you what. |
| 112 | For the rest of our lives |
| 113 | I'll be careful until told otherwise. |
| 114 | Wait a minute, this isn't the china we picked out. I know. |
| 115 | After you left the store, I chose different ones. |
| 116 | Why? |
| 117 | Well, no offense, honey |
| 118 | but your taste is a little feminine for me. |
| 119 | Oh, suddenly flowers are feminine? |
| 120 | Hey, everybody! |
| 121 | Happy Thanksgiving. Hey, happy Thanksgiving. Pheebs... |
| 122 | Hey, what's going on, Joe? |
| 123 | I-I-I need a good lie. |
| 124 | Oh. Okay. |
| 125 | How about the whole "man walking on the Moon" thing, you know? |
| 126 | You-you could... you could see the strings, people. |
| 127 | No, no, no. I need a good lie to explain |
| 128 | why I wasn't at a work thing today. |
| 129 | Ooh, honey, you stink at lying. |
| 130 | I do not. |
| 131 | Oh, really? Okay, let me ask you something. |
| 132 | Yesterday at the coffee house |
| 133 | I went to the bathroom, and when I came back |
| 134 | my muffin was gone-- who took it? |
| 135 | Somebody opened the door to the coffee house |
| 136 | and a raccoon came running in |
| 137 | and went straight for your muffin. |
| 138 | I said, "Hey, don't eat that-- that's Phoebe's." |
| 139 | And he said... |
| 140 | He said, "Joey, you stink at lying." |
| 141 | What am I going to do? |
| 142 | Don't worry, don't worry. |
| 143 | We'll come up with a good lie. |
| 144 | I'll help you practice it. |
| 145 | Oh, great, that'd be great. Thank you. |
| 146 | Sure. What-what was the work thing? |
| 147 | Uh... |
| 148 | "Pick up Grandma at the airport"? |
| 149 | Oh, man... |
| 150 | Oh, she's precious. |
| 151 | Do you ever worry that she's going to get your real nose? |
| 152 | Amy... |
| 153 | Yes, I do. |
| 154 | I really do. |
| 155 | ( cell phone rings ) |
| 156 | Hello? |
| 157 | Yeah. Um, hang on one sec. |
| 158 | Can I take this upstairs? Sure. |
| 159 | We don't live there, but... |
| 160 | AMY: Seriously? |
| 161 | It's-it's just these rooms? |
| 162 | I thought you were a doctor. |
| 163 | Yeah, no, Ross has a PhD. |
| 164 | Ew. |
| 165 | God, she is unbelievable. |
| 166 | I know. I mean, a PhD is just as good as an MD. |
| 167 | Oh, sure, Ross, yeah. |
| 168 | If I have a heart attack in a restaurant |
| 169 | I want you there with your fossil brush. |
| 170 | Stupid Thanksgiving. |
| 171 | What? What? What happened? |
| 172 | My boyfriend canceled on me. |
| 173 | I mean, I... I finally find a real relationship |
| 174 | I mean, someone that I can spend this day with |
| 175 | and then his wife comes back into town. |
| 176 | I swear, it's almost not even worth dating married guys. |
| 177 | Don't say that. |
| 178 | Oh, I was so looking forward to this. |
| 179 | It was going to be such a beautiful Thanksgiving. |
| 180 | ( sobbing ): We were going to have sushi. |
| 181 | Oh, Amy, don't cry. |
| 182 | Um... Ross, could I talk to you in private? |
| 183 | Sure. You want to go upstairs? |
| 184 | Um... |
| 185 | look, I was thinking, if it's okay with Monica |
| 186 | I would like to invite Amy to Thanksgiving. |
| 187 | You know, I think that's a great idea. |
| 188 | It'll be like the pilgrims bringing the Indians syphilis. |
| 189 | Look, I know she's a little tough to take... |
| 190 | ( groans ) |
| 191 | but she has nowhere else to go |
| 192 | and she's my sister, all right? |
| 193 | And she's Emma's aunt. |
| 194 | And I would like them to bond. |
| 195 | Okay, fine, but I don't want them bonding too much. |
| 196 | I don't want her telling Emma she needs a nose job. |
| 197 | Ross, you know what? She may need one. |
| 198 | We're just going to have to make our peace with that! |
| 199 | ( sighs ) |
| 200 | Hi. |
| 201 | Hi. Hey. |
| 202 | Hey, you guys. |
| 203 | This is my sister Amy. |
| 204 | This is Chandler, Joey, Phoebe, and you know Mon. |
| 205 | Hi. Hi. |
| 206 | Oh, my God. |
| 207 | You're on Days of Our Lives. |
| 208 | ( chuckles ): Yeah. |
| 209 | Wow. |
| 210 | They must put a lot of makeup on you. |
| 211 | Hap-Hap-Happy Thanksgiving. |
| 212 | Hey. Hi. |
| 213 | Hi, you. |
| 214 | So, welcome. |
| 215 | Is this the first time you're seeing Emma? |
| 216 | Yeah, I-I think so. |
| 217 | It's nice to meet you, Emma. |
| 218 | Phoebe. |
| 219 | Oh. That's a funny noise. |
| 220 | I still need some help here. |
| 221 | Oh, right. Okay, um... |
| 222 | Okay, so it's not just the lie you tell |
| 223 | but it's the way you tell it. |
| 224 | For example, if you look down at the ground when you're talking |
| 225 | people know you're lying. |
| 226 | Oh. I don't why this is so hard for me. |
| 227 | You know, I mean, lying is basically just acting |
| 228 | and I am a terrific actor. |
| 229 | You are a terrific actor. |
| 230 | Hey. |
| 231 | Where's the baby? |
| 232 | Oh, we just put her down for her nap. |
| 233 | Listen, I was just thinking. |
| 234 | You know what would be incredible? |
| 235 | If you guys died. |
| 236 | Thank you, Amy. |
| 237 | No, no, then I would get the baby. |
| 238 | I mean, you know, it would be just like a movie. |
| 239 | Like, at first, I wouldn't know what to do with her |
| 240 | and then I would rise to the occasion |
| 241 | and then-then I'd get a makeover |
| 242 | and then I'd get married. |
| 243 | That's a great movie! |
| 244 | Now, listen, not that you guys could stop me or anything |
| 245 | 'cause, you know, you'd be dead, but... |
| 246 | I was thinking about changing her name. |
| 247 | I'm just not really a big fan of Emily. |
| 248 | Emma. |
| 249 | Emma, Ross wants you. |
| 250 | Phoebe! |
| 251 | Why does she keep making that noise? |
| 252 | Honey, I don't know how to tell you this |
| 253 | but, um, if something were to happen to Ross or myself... |
| 254 | um, you wouldn't get the baby. |
| 255 | Well, who would? |
| 256 | Well, we haven't officially asked them yet |
| 257 | but we would want Monica and Chandler. |
| 258 | I can't believe you'd want us to raise Emma. |
| 259 | Yeah, oh, my God, I'm so moved. |
| 260 | I don't believe this. Hold on a second. |
| 261 | You guys die, and I don't get your baby? |
| 262 | Look, Amy, see, we're a lot closer to Monica and Chandler. |
| 263 | We see them every day, and truthfully, honey |
| 264 | you don't seem very connected to the baby. |
| 265 | Connected? I mean... to what? |
| 266 | She's a lump. |
| 267 | You know, guys, I got to say |
| 268 | this means so much to me. |
| 269 | I mean, that you would trust me with your child. |
| 270 | I mean, we all know that Monica and I |
| 271 | have been trying to have a baby of our own, and... |
| 272 | you know, I've had my doubts |
| 273 | about my skills as a father, but... |
| 274 | that you two... that you two... |
| 275 | This guy? |
| 276 | Seriously? |
| 277 | Okay! It's time for dinner. |
| 278 | Everyone, we're using our fancy china |
| 279 | and it's very expensive, so please be careful. |
| 280 | Whoa. |
| 281 | Whoa... |
| 282 | Whoa. |
| 283 | Okay, just to be clear-- |
| 284 | comedy with the plates will not be well received. |
| 285 | Hey. |
| 286 | How come my plate's |
| 287 | less fancy than everyone else's? |
| 288 | Do you not trust me with a fancy plate? |
| 289 | No, honey, that's a special plate. |
| 290 | See, it's a game. |
| 291 | Whoever gets that plate wins. |
| 292 | I can't believe I won. |
| 293 | This is such a slap in the face. |
| 294 | I mean, I'm your sister |
| 295 | and you would give your baby to these strangers over me. |
| 296 | Monica is Ross's sister. |
| 297 | No, Ross's sister was really fat. |
| 298 | That was me. |
| 299 | No, she was this really dorky girl in high school |
| 300 | used to follow Rachel around like a puppy dog. |
| 301 | Amy! You've got to stop doing that. |
| 302 | Okay, uh, listen, I know that you're having |
| 303 | a little bit of a family crisis |
| 304 | but you don't have to take it out on the plates. |
| 305 | In fact, I think that everyone |
| 306 | should cut their food like this. |
| 307 | Now, see? |
| 308 | This way, you protect the plates |
| 309 | and, let's face it, you have fun. |
| 310 | Okay, how about this? |
| 311 | If you guys die |
| 312 | and the crazy plate lady dies... |
| 313 | then do I get the baby? |
| 314 | No, if crazy plate la... |
| 315 | If Monica dies |
| 316 | then I would get Emma, right? |
| 317 | Well, actually... |
| 318 | Actually what? |
| 319 | Uh... It's just that in that case |
| 320 | then, um... Emma would go to my parents. |
| 321 | What? |
| 322 | Hurts, doesn't it? |
| 323 | Uh... |
| 324 | Who has to die for me to get her? |
| 325 | So, if Monica's not around |
| 326 | I'm not good enough to raise Emma? |
| 327 | No, that, that is not what we're saying. |
| 328 | Yeah, he's lying. |
| 329 | He looked down. |
| 330 | Well, what is wrong with me? |
| 331 | Am I incompetent? |
| 332 | Because I managed to survive |
| 333 | whatever it is that killed the three of you. |
| 334 | You're taking this the wrong way. |
| 335 | We think you are going to be a wonderful parent. |
| 336 | It's just, you're more the, you know "fun" parent. |
| 337 | Yeah, and we'd want to make sure |
| 338 | Emma has someone like Monica, who's more of a disciplinarian |
| 339 | someone who can be firm and strict. |
| 340 | That's not how you see me, is it? |
| 341 | No, you're all about the fun. |
| 342 | Look, I may not know a lot about babies |
| 343 | but do you really think I'm not capable? |
| 344 | No, you both are equally capable. |
| 345 | It's just, you're strongest when you're together. |
| 346 | Okay, so if we both had Emma |
| 347 | and I died... |
| 348 | ( knocks on table ) |
| 349 | she'd have to give her up. |
| 350 | Sure. Monica would have to give her up. |
| 351 | I lie better than that, right? |
| 352 | So let me get this straight. |
| 353 | So my two friends die, I get Emma. |
| 354 | Then my wife dies, then Emma-- |
| 355 | the one tiny ray of hope left in my life-- |
| 356 | gets taken away from me? |
| 357 | There's your movie. |
| 358 | Hey. |
| 359 | There you are. |
| 360 | You disappeared after dinner. |
| 361 | Oh, did somebody miss me? |
| 362 | Is there a child to raise poorly? |
| 363 | Ross and Rachel don't know what |
| 364 | they're talking about. |
| 365 | I mean, it's not like they're so responsible. |
| 366 | Emma is the product of a bottle of merlot |
| 367 | and a five-year-old condom. |
| 368 | Yeah, but they're right. |
| 369 | I'm not a strong father figure |
| 370 | and I never will be. |
| 371 | No, you learn these things. |
| 372 | You grow into it. |
| 373 | Yeah, but it's not who I am, you know. |
| 374 | Everything they said is exactly why I was worried |
| 375 | about having a kid-- and it's true |
| 376 | and, look, everybody knows it. |
| 377 | I don't know it. |
| 378 | I want to have a kid with you |
| 379 | because I think you're going |
| 380 | to be an amazing dad |
| 381 | at the fun parts and at the hard parts. |
| 382 | Oh, yeah, well, can you picture me saying |
| 383 | "Go to your room-- you're grounded." |
| 384 | Can you hear me say, "You're grounded"? |
| 385 | You said that to me last week. |
| 386 | How hard is it? |
| 387 | No shoes on the furniture! |
| 388 | ( groans ) |
| 389 | The producer from Days |
| 390 | left a message on my machine |
| 391 | asking why I wasn't at the parade. |
| 392 | They said everybody's pissed off at me |
| 393 | and they all got to meet Santa. |
| 394 | It's okay. I thought of the perfect lie for you. |
| 395 | It's easy to remember |
| 396 | and it doesn't invite a lot of questions. |
| 397 | You weren't at the parade |
| 398 | because you had a family emergency. |
| 399 | Oh, I like that, yeah. |
| 400 | Wasn't at the parade because I had a family emergency. |
| 401 | Ooh, what happened? |
| 402 | Uh... my sister's raccoon... |
| 403 | Nothing with a raccoon! |
| 404 | All right, I'll take care of it. |
| 405 | Oh, wait, what are you doing? |
| 406 | Setting the table. |
| 407 | Yeah, we thought it might be nice |
| 408 | to use the fancy china for dessert, too. |
| 409 | Oh, how nice. |
| 410 | Maybe later we can all |
| 411 | go blow our noses on my wedding dress. |
| 412 | Hey, dude, you okay? |
| 413 | Sorry about before. |
| 414 | Oh, no, that's okay. |
| 415 | You're totally right. |
| 416 | I don't know anything about disciplining a child |
| 417 | but it did hurt my feelings |
| 418 | and I want you to know that if I die |
| 419 | you don't get Joey. |
| 420 | Uchh. |
| 421 | Uchh. |
| 422 | In case you hadn't noticed |
| 423 | I'm not talking to you. |
| 424 | Uchh. |
| 425 | You know, this is, this is classic Rachel. |
| 426 | Oh, yeah, yeah, right. |
| 427 | Remember in high school |
| 428 | when I died and didn't give you my baby? |
| 429 | This might be my one chance to have a child, Rachel. |
| 430 | I mean, you know that I have been so busy |
| 431 | focusing on my career... |
| 432 | What?! |
| 433 | What career?! |
| 434 | Um... I'm a decorator. |
| 435 | You decorate Dad's office and now you're a decorator? |
| 436 | Okay, I went to the zoo yesterday. |
| 437 | Now I'm a koala bear. |
| 438 | Why can't you ever be supportive? |
| 439 | Sup... You want to talk supportive? |
| 440 | You didn't even come and visit me |
| 441 | when I was in the hospital having the baby. |
| 442 | Oh, yeah, well, you didn't come to see me in the hospital |
| 443 | when I was getting my lips done. |
| 444 | Oh! |
| 445 | I did the first time. |
| 446 | Oh. Oh. |
| 447 | And you know what? |
| 448 | You want to know why I am not giving Emily to you? |
| 449 | Emma. |
| 450 | Whose side are you on? |
| 451 | I'm not giving you Emma |
| 452 | because there is no way you could handle |
| 453 | the responsibility of a child. |
| 454 | Well, how hard could it be? |
| 455 | You do it. |
| 456 | Ooh-hoo-hoo-hoo. |
| 457 | Do you want to know why |
| 458 | you don't want me to have the baby? |
| 459 | Uh-huh. |
| 460 | Because you don't want me to be happy. |
| 461 | You have always been jealous of me. |
| 462 | Jealous of what? |
| 463 | Of your lack of responsibility? |
| 464 | Your, your immaturity? |
| 465 | Your total disregard for other people's feelings? |
| 466 | Uh, to name a few. |
| 467 | You know |
| 468 | you just, you've always been like this. |
| 469 | You had to have everything and I couldn't have anything. |
| 470 | Like in junior high, when you stole Timmy from me. |
| 471 | I mean, do you even realize how much that hurt me? |
| 472 | Timmy was my boyfriend and you made out with him! |
| 473 | Oh, come on, that was 20 years ago. Get over it. |
| 474 | Oh. I cannot believe it! |
| 475 | I cannot believe that I invited you here today! |
| 476 | Yeah, well, you know what I cannot believe? |
| 477 | That my so-called sister |
| 478 | gets a 30% discount from Ralph Lauren |
| 479 | and I still have to pay retail? |
| 480 | Ha-ha-ha. A-ha-ha. |
| 481 | It's for 45. |
| 482 | You bitch. |
| 483 | You just think you're so perfect |
| 484 | with your new baby |
| 485 | and your, your small apartment. |
| 486 | Well, let me tell you something. |
| 487 | Your baby isn't even that cute. |
| 488 | Too far, Amy. |
| 489 | Too far. |
| 490 | You take that back. |
| 491 | No. |
| 492 | Take it back. No! |
| 493 | What are you going to do, make me? |
| 494 | Hey, man, I work out. |
| 495 | So do I. |
| 496 | I do Pilates. |
| 497 | I do yoga. |
| 498 | Bring it on! |
| 499 | Put the plates back in the boxes! |
| 500 | Put the plates back in the boxes! |
| 501 | Did you just push me? |
| 502 | Uh, yeah. I think I did. |
| 503 | All right, that's it. |
| 504 | Okay, forget the bubble wrap! There isn't time! |
| 505 | Frizzy, frizzy, frizzy, frizzy! |
| 506 | Oh, my God! Shouldn't we stop this?! |
| 507 | What are you, out of your mind? |
| 508 | Let's throw some Jell-O on them. |
| 509 | ( spitting ) |
| 510 | Ew! Gross! |
| 511 | All right, that is it! |
| 512 | This is our apartment |
| 513 | and you cannot behave this way. |
| 514 | Now, if you can't act your age |
| 515 | then you shouldn't be here at all. |
| 516 | Now, those plates may not be as nice |
| 517 | as the pretty pink ones that I picked out... |
| 518 | but they're very important to Monica |
| 519 | and I want you to apologize |
| 520 | to her right now. |
| 521 | I'm sorry. |
| 522 | Mon, I'm so sorry. |
| 523 | Okay. That's better. |
| 524 | Now, I want you to apologize to each other |
| 525 | and mean it. |
| 526 | Sorry. Sorry. |
| 527 | By the way, that fight was totally arousing. |
| 528 | Dude. Well done. |
| 529 | You know what? |
| 530 | If I die, and Rachel dies and Monica dies |
| 531 | you can totally take care of Emma. |
| 532 | Oh, yeah? Well, thanks. |
| 533 | So, so... now do I get Joey? |
| 534 | Okay, but you should know |
| 535 | he eats five times a day |
| 536 | and shoves pennies up his nose. |
| 537 | Are you okay, Mon? |
| 538 | Uh-huh. |
| 539 | I mean, these things happen. |
| 540 | I mean, it's just a plate. |
| 541 | It's not like somebody died. |
| 542 | It's all right, you can mourn. |
| 543 | Thank you, it was so beautiful. |
| 544 | I'm going to go to Joey's and get the pies. |
| 545 | Actually, not pies. |
| 546 | It's just pie. |
| 547 | I don't care. |
| 548 | Oh, my God, I've lost the will to scold. |
| 549 | Look, Amy. |
| 550 | I got a little, uh... |
| 551 | a little out of control over there. |
| 552 | Um... |
| 553 | And I'm sorry. |
| 554 | You're my sister, and if it really means |
| 555 | that much to you... |
| 556 | So you're going to give me the baby? |
| 557 | No, I was going to let you use |
| 558 | my Ralph Lauren discount. |
| 559 | You are not going to regret this. |
| 560 | ( baby crying ) |
| 561 | Oh, she needs changing. |
| 562 | Oh, no, no, no. I'll get her. |
| 563 | I am super-competent, totally responsible |
| 564 | and fourth in line to raise Emma. |
| 565 | I'll be right there, Emma. |
| 566 | Just let me get my trusty diaper bag here. |
| 567 | Well, what do you know? |
| 568 | I guess I'll be the one who dies first. |
| 569 | Hey, does Monica know |
| 570 | about her broken plates yet? |
| 571 | No. |
| 572 | Broke them all, huh? |
| 573 | Yup. |
| 574 | You going to tell her? |
| 575 | Nope. |
| 576 | Hey. |
| 577 | So I'm going to put the plates back. |
| 578 | You know, I think you were right. |
| 579 | I don't think we should |
| 580 | use these plates again for a long time. |
| 581 | Like only if the queen comes? |
| 582 | Maybe not even then. |
| 583 | Hey, I did it. |
| 584 | I called my producer. |
| 585 | I told him I had a family emergency. |
| 586 | He totally bought it. |
| 587 | Thanks for teaching me how to lie, Pheebs. |
| 588 | No problem. |
| 589 | Next week, stealing. |
| 590 | 'Bye, plates. |
| 591 | Oh, you told her |
| 592 | you broke all the plates, huh? |
| 593 | What?! |
| 594 | Something happened with the plates? |
| 595 | Uh... yeah, this, uh... |
| 596 | raccoon came in... |
| 597 | Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org |
| 598 | |
| 1 | This kitty is Mittens, this one is Fitzhugh |
| 2 | and this little guy in the cat condo is Jinkies. |
| 3 | Yep, that's a lot of cats, Jo Lynn. |
| 4 | Single, are you? |
| 5 | ( phone ringing ) |
| 6 | Chandler Bing. |
| 7 | JOEY: Hey. |
| 8 | How come you're answering your own phone? |
| 9 | Where's your crazy assistant? |
| 10 | What's up, Joe? |
| 11 | Okay, what have we always wanted to do together? |
| 12 | Braid each other's hair and ride horseback on the beach? |
| 13 | No, no, no. |
| 14 | When you get home tomorrow night |
| 15 | you and I are going to be at the Wizards-Knicks game... |
| 16 | courtside! |
| 17 | Courtside? Oh, my God. |
| 18 | Yeah, maybe Michael Jordan will dive for the ball |
| 19 | and break my jaw with his knee. |
| 20 | That is so cool. |
| 21 | I'll let Monica know. |
| 22 | ( phone ringing ) |
| 23 | Hello? |
| 24 | Joey just called. |
| 25 | He's got courtside Knicks tickets |
| 26 | for him and me tomorrow night. |
| 27 | Really? |
| 28 | But tomorrow night's the only night |
| 29 | I get off from the restaurant. |
| 30 | If you go to the game |
| 31 | then we won't have a night together for another week. |
| 32 | But hey, it's courtside. |
| 33 | The cheerleaders are going to be right in fr... |
| 34 | That's not the way to convince you. |
| 35 | Chandler, look. |
| 36 | I don't want to be one of those wives that says |
| 37 | "You can't go to the game. |
| 38 | You have to spend time with me." |
| 39 | So if you could just realize it on your own... |
| 40 | I-I know, you're right. |
| 41 | I want to see you, too. |
| 42 | I just got to figure out a way to tell Joey, you know? |
| 43 | He's really looking forward to this. |
| 44 | Tell him that you haven't seen your wife in a long time. |
| 45 | Tell him that having a long-distance relationship |
| 46 | is really difficult. |
| 47 | Tell him that what little time we have together is precious. |
| 48 | Eh, eh... I'll think of something. |
| 49 | ♪ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ♪ |
| 50 | ♪ Your job's a joke, you're broke ♪ |
| 51 | ♪ Your love life's D.O.A. ♪ |
| 52 | ♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪ |
| 53 | ♪ When it hasn't been your day, your week ♪ |
| 54 | ♪ Your month, or even your year ♪ |
| 55 | ♪ But I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 56 | ♪ 'Cause you're there for me, too. ♪ |
| 57 | Wow. |
| 58 | Wow, you look, uh... |
| 59 | I mean, it's just, uh.... |
| 60 | That, that dress, uh... |
| 61 | Well I hope the ends of these sentences are good. |
| 62 | Well, they're good. |
| 63 | It's just been a while since I've seen you like this. |
| 64 | You, you clean up good. |
| 65 | Oh, well... well thank you. |
| 66 | Okay, stop. Stop looking at me like that. |
| 67 | Last time that happened, that happened. |
| 68 | Oh, right, right. |
| 69 | So, are you, uh... |
| 70 | You excited about your, your first night away from Emma? |
| 71 | Yeah, yeah. |
| 72 | Phoebe and I are going to have so much fun. |
| 73 | And thank you for watching the baby, by the way. |
| 74 | Oh, it's fine. |
| 75 | Actually, I invited Mike over. |
| 76 | Phoebe's Mike? Yeah. |
| 77 | I didn't know that you guys hung out. |
| 78 | We don't |
| 79 | but I thought it'd be nice |
| 80 | to get to know him. |
| 81 | You know, maybe have a little dinner |
| 82 | drinks, conversation. |
| 83 | Oh, that's so cute. |
| 84 | Ross and Mike's first date. |
| 85 | Is that going to be awkward? |
| 86 | I mean, what are you guys going to talk about? |
| 87 | I don't know. |
| 88 | But, you know, we have a lot in common, you know? |
| 89 | Um, he plays piano, I played keyboards in college. |
| 90 | He's been divorced, I have some experience in that area. |
| 91 | ( knocking at door ) |
| 92 | Yeah. |
| 93 | Hi. |
| 94 | Hey. |
| 95 | Ooh, girls' night out, indeed. |
| 96 | Okay, so now, I think Emma |
| 97 | is probably down for the night |
| 98 | but if you need anything, Ross... |
| 99 | Rach, Rach, we'll be fine, all right? You go have fun. |
| 100 | Okay, you, too. And I hope you score. |
| 101 | Bye. |
| 102 | Bye. |
| 103 | So... |
| 104 | Welcome. |
| 105 | I got beer. |
| 106 | I got bottled breast milk. |
| 107 | Eh, why don't we start with the beer. |
| 108 | Okay. |
| 109 | So, um, Phoebe tells me you, uh, you play piano. |
| 110 | Yeah. |
| 111 | You know, I used to play keyboards in college. |
| 112 | Oh, do you have one here? |
| 113 | No. |
| 114 | Okay. |
| 115 | ( chuckles ) |
| 116 | Um, you know, I'm divorced. |
| 117 | Uh, Phoebe, Phoebe says that you've been divorced? |
| 118 | Yeah, yeah. |
| 119 | Yeah, I'm sorry, I don't |
| 120 | I don't really like to talk about it. |
| 121 | That's okay, we'll talk about something else. |
| 122 | So you're a paleontologist, right? |
| 123 | Yeah. My cousin's a paleontologist. |
| 124 | Ah. |
| 125 | Well, he and I would probably have a lot to talk about. |
| 126 | Hi. Hey. |
| 127 | Welcome home. |
| 128 | Oh, well, look at you. |
| 129 | Yeah, what do you think? |
| 130 | Well, it's great. It's just... |
| 131 | well, I'm wearing the same thing underneath, so... |
| 132 | See what I... |
| 133 | ( thudding and grunting ) |
| 134 | JOEY: Hey?! How come your door's locked? |
| 135 | Just a second. |
| 136 | No, no, no, no, no. |
| 137 | Joey can't know that I'm here. |
| 138 | Why not? |
| 139 | Because I didn't know how to tell him |
| 140 | I couldn't go to the Knicks game |
| 141 | so I told him I had to stay in Tulsa. |
| 142 | So you lied to him? |
| 143 | It's always better to lie |
| 144 | than to have the complicated discussion. |
| 145 | Except with you. |
| 146 | Hey, open the door! |
| 147 | What's going on? |
| 148 | ( knocking ) |
| 149 | What are you... |
| 150 | Why are you dressed like that? |
| 151 | Oh, because, um... |
| 152 | well, Chandler's going to be home in a couple of days |
| 153 | so I thought I would just, uh, you know |
| 154 | practice the art of seduction. |
| 155 | Oh, I thought I heard a man's voice before. |
| 156 | No, I was just doing Chandler's side of the conversation. |
| 157 | You know, like, "Hi, how do I look?" |
| 158 | ( deeper ): "Really sexy. |
| 159 | Could I be any more turned on?" |
| 160 | Okay... whoa, whoa. |
| 161 | Why are there two glasses of wine out? |
| 162 | Because one of them is for you. |
| 163 | Cheers. |
| 164 | Okay, bye-bye. |
| 165 | You know, it's funny. |
| 166 | I've been, uh, practicing the art of seduction myself. |
| 167 | Hi-ya... |
| 168 | You might want to keep practicing. |
| 169 | ( cell phone ringing ) |
| 170 | It's Joey. |
| 171 | What? |
| 172 | Hey, Joe. |
| 173 | Dude, come home. |
| 174 | What? Why? |
| 175 | Come... home. |
| 176 | Look, I can't. |
| 177 | What's going on? |
| 178 | I don't know how to tell you this, but, uh... |
| 179 | I think Monica's cheating on you. |
| 180 | I told you you shouldn't have married |
| 181 | someone so much hotter than you. |
| 182 | All right, look. |
| 183 | If you can't come home and deal with this, then I'm gonna. |
| 184 | No! |
| 185 | I just heard him. |
| 186 | Can you... hear him... now? |
| 187 | No. |
| 188 | All right, I'm going in. |
| 189 | No, wait! |
| 190 | I heard him again. |
| 191 | All right, look. Just stay there. |
| 192 | I'm coming home. |
| 193 | Okay, great. I'll see you when you get here. |
| 194 | I'm going to wait out in the hall |
| 195 | in case the dude comes out. |
| 196 | Is that really necessary? |
| 197 | Absolutely. |
| 198 | You'll do it for me. |
| 199 | Not that you ever have to |
| 200 | because I know how to keep my women satisfied. |
| 201 | ( blowing note ) |
| 202 | Shouldn't the pizza be here by now? |
| 203 | I mean, they said 30 minutes or less. |
| 204 | How long has it been? |
| 205 | Eleven minutes. |
| 206 | And now 12. |
| 207 | So, you like the beer? |
| 208 | I do, I do. |
| 209 | Although it's actually a lager. |
| 210 | Oh. |
| 211 | What's the difference between beer and lager? |
| 212 | I don't know. |
| 213 | We could look it up. |
| 214 | Things are about to get wild. |
| 215 | Oh, God, remember the girls' nights we used to have? |
| 216 | Sitting around talking about you and Ross? |
| 217 | Oh, God, that seems like forever ago. |
| 218 | I know. |
| 219 | Oh... |
| 220 | So what's going on with you and Ross? |
| 221 | Well, um, I don't know. |
| 222 | I mean, for a long time, nothing. |
| 223 | But you know, actually, right before you picked me up |
| 224 | Ross and I had a, uh, little thing. |
| 225 | Oh, my God, I love things. What happened? |
| 226 | Well, um, first he told me he liked how I looked |
| 227 | and, uh, then we had a little, um... |
| 228 | eye contact. |
| 229 | Eye contact? Mm-hmm. |
| 230 | I hope you were using protection. |
| 231 | MAN: Excuse me, um... |
| 232 | these are from the two gentleman |
| 233 | at the end of the bar. |
| 234 | Oh, should we send them something back? |
| 235 | Ooh, let's do. |
| 236 | Let's send them mashed potatoes. |
| 237 | No, wait, don't do that. |
| 238 | Then that's going to make them think they can come over here. |
| 239 | So, what if they do? |
| 240 | Well, we're not here to meet guys. |
| 241 | You have a boyfriend, I have a... |
| 242 | baby and a Ross. |
| 243 | Yeah, but... nothing has to happen. |
| 244 | We're just having fun. |
| 245 | You know, not everything has to go as far as "eye contact." |
| 246 | Chandler, you have to tell Joey |
| 247 | that you're not in Tulsa. |
| 248 | Don't you think it's better for him to think |
| 249 | that you're cheating on me than for him to think |
| 250 | that I'm cheating on him? |
| 251 | I heard it. |
| 252 | I don't want him to think that I'm having an affair. |
| 253 | All right, I've got a plan. |
| 254 | I'll go down the fire escape... |
| 255 | Yes, because all good plans start with |
| 256 | "I'll go down the fire escape." |
| 257 | Hear me out, woman! |
| 258 | I'll go down the fire escape, then I'll wait for a while. |
| 259 | Then when I come up the stairs |
| 260 | it'll be like I just got back from Tulsa. |
| 261 | Then Joey and I will come in |
| 262 | and see that there's no guy in here. |
| 263 | Aren't you afraid that Joey's going to figure all this out? |
| 264 | I heard it. |
| 265 | I'm just going to wait for a little while. |
| 266 | Scary pigeon's back? |
| 267 | It's huge. |
| 268 | ( making lip flapping noises ) |
| 269 | ( noises continue ) |
| 270 | ( lip flapping noises ) |
| 271 | Oh, my God, I can't believe you live in that building. |
| 272 | My grandmother lives in that building. |
| 273 | Ida Green? |
| 274 | No sense of personal space. |
| 275 | Kind of smells like chicken. |
| 276 | Looks like a potato. |
| 277 | "Spuds" is your grandmother? |
| 278 | That's my bubby! |
| 279 | ( both chuckling ) |
| 280 | So, we're on our way to a couple of parties. |
| 281 | Um, maybe we could get your numbers |
| 282 | and give you guys a call if we find something fun. |
| 283 | Yeah. I'm sorry, we weren't really looking |
| 284 | for anything to happen with you guys. |
| 285 | I... I have a boyfriend. |
| 286 | All right. |
| 287 | It's no big deal. |
| 288 | So, she has a boyfriend. |
| 289 | And what is your situation? |
| 290 | Oh, well, it's complicated. |
| 291 | I don't actually have a boyfriend, but, uh... |
| 292 | Then can I have your number? |
| 293 | I'm sorry, no. |
| 294 | Okay. |
| 295 | Oh, sure. |
| 296 | Oh, my God, you're giving your real number. |
| 297 | Okay, thanks. |
| 298 | I'll give you a call later tonight. |
| 299 | Great. |
| 300 | Bye. |
| 301 | Bye. |
| 302 | Wow. So, that's great. |
| 303 | You, Bill, Ross and Emma |
| 304 | are going to be so happy together. |
| 305 | What were you thinking? |
| 306 | I don't know. |
| 307 | He was cute and he liked me. |
| 308 | It was an impulse. |
| 309 | What about Ross? What about your moment? |
| 310 | Don't you want to talk to Ross about it? |
| 311 | No, no, 'cause I know exactly |
| 312 | how the conversation's going to go. |
| 313 | "Hey, Ross, you know, I think we had a moment before." |
| 314 | "Yeah... |
| 315 | ( clearing throat ): me, too." |
| 316 | "Well, but I'm not sure I really want to do anything about it." |
| 317 | "Yeah. |
| 318 | ( clearing throat ): Me neither." |
| 319 | ( clearing throat ) |
| 320 | "Well, should we just continue to live together |
| 321 | and not really tell each other how we're really feeling?" |
| 322 | "Yeah, that works for me." |
| 323 | ( clearing throat ) |
| 324 | Yeah, I see what you mean. |
| 325 | By the way, nice Ross imitation. |
| 326 | Oh, thanks. |
| 327 | But your Rachel wasn't whiny enough. |
| 328 | Wha... hey! Better. |
| 329 | Well, the point is |
| 330 | maybe I should just stop waiting around |
| 331 | for moments with Ross, you know? |
| 332 | I should just move on with my life. |
| 333 | So, really? You're moving on from Ross? |
| 334 | I don't know. |
| 335 | Do I have to decide right now? |
| 336 | Well, you kind of just did. |
| 337 | That guy's going to call you tonight. |
| 338 | Ross is going to pick up the phone |
| 339 | and that's a pretty clear message. |
| 340 | Oh, my God-- Ross. |
| 341 | Ross is going to pick up the phone. |
| 342 | Oh, I have to get my number back. |
| 343 | Oh, my God, he's gone. |
| 344 | "Oh, I have to get my number back. |
| 345 | Oh, my God, he's gone." |
| 346 | Dead on. |
| 347 | ( sighing softly ) |
| 348 | ( air whooshing out ) |
| 349 | You know, I'm going to take off. |
| 350 | So soon? |
| 351 | Well, yeah. |
| 352 | Okay. Well, thanks, uh, thanks for the beer. |
| 353 | You mean lager. |
| 354 | Ah, yeah. |
| 355 | Good times. |
| 356 | ( groaning ) |
| 357 | ( phone ringing ) |
| 358 | Hello. |
| 359 | Hey, Mike, it's me. |
| 360 | Listen, is Ross near you? |
| 361 | Uh, no, I just left. |
| 362 | Well, you have to go back in. |
| 363 | Wha... go back? |
| 364 | To "the land where time stands still?" |
| 365 | I'm so sorry, honey, but, okay, Rachel gave this guy her number |
| 366 | and, um, she doesn't want Ross to answer the phone |
| 367 | so, you have to intercept all his calls. |
| 368 | I can't do that. |
| 369 | He says he can't do that. |
| 370 | Oh, give me... |
| 371 | Hi, Mike. |
| 372 | Hi, listen, I know that this is a lot to ask |
| 373 | but you know what? |
| 374 | If you do this, I... |
| 375 | Phoebe will do anything you want. |
| 376 | Seriously, I'm talking dirty stuff. |
| 377 | All right. |
| 378 | Thank you. |
| 379 | Hello? Hi. |
| 380 | I'm sorry about her. |
| 381 | But she wasn't wrong about the dirty stuff. |
| 382 | All right, I'll do it. |
| 383 | But, really |
| 384 | how much dirtier can it get? |
| 385 | ( chuckling ): Oh, Mike... |
| 386 | Bye. |
| 387 | ( knock at door ) |
| 388 | Hey, buddy. |
| 389 | Uh... hi. |
| 390 | Um |
| 391 | can I come back in? |
| 392 | Why? |
| 393 | Well, I, I was just thinking |
| 394 | about how much more we have to talk about. |
| 395 | But you left. |
| 396 | Wow, that didn't take long. |
| 397 | I thought you said Tulsa was a three-hour flight. |
| 398 | Well, you're forgetting about the time difference. |
| 399 | ( gasping ): Chandler, you're home! |
| 400 | That's right. |
| 401 | Your husband's home, so now the sex can stop. |
| 402 | What are you saying? |
| 403 | Joey said that you're in here with another man. |
| 404 | There's no man in here. |
| 405 | How dare you accuse me of that? |
| 406 | ( gasping ) |
| 407 | All right, all right, then maybe you won't mind |
| 408 | if me and my friend take a look around, huh? |
| 409 | Mwa-ha-ha! |
| 410 | ( thumping noises ) |
| 411 | What's he doing? |
| 412 | I arranged some pillows on the bed to look like a guy. |
| 413 | Bedroom's clear. |
| 414 | Although you might need some new pillows. |
| 415 | All right, well, I'll check the guest room. |
| 416 | ( sniffing ) |
| 417 | Why do I smell men's cologne? |
| 418 | ( sniffing ) |
| 419 | I think that's you. |
| 420 | ( sniffing ) |
| 421 | Oh, yeah, I rubbed a magazine on myself earlier. |
| 422 | There's nobody here, Joe. |
| 423 | I guess not. |
| 424 | I can't believe you thought I was cheating. |
| 425 | You owe me an apology. |
| 426 | Yeah, right, Monica, I'm so sorry. |
| 427 | It's an honest mistake. |
| 428 | It could happen to anybody. |
| 429 | All right, see ya. |
| 430 | Whoa, whoa, wait a minute, wait a minute. |
| 431 | If you just got back from Tulsa |
| 432 | how did your suitcase beat you here? |
| 433 | I climbed down the fire escape |
| 434 | and you can't put that in the closet? |
| 435 | So, with the exception of the fermentation process |
| 436 | beer and ale are basically the same thing. |
| 437 | Fascinating, isn't it? |
| 438 | Maybe you should look up "fascinating." |
| 439 | ( phone ringing ) |
| 440 | I'll get it. |
| 441 | Hello, Ross's place. |
| 442 | Mike speaking. |
| 443 | It's for you. |
| 444 | I don't understand what just happened here. |
| 445 | What's going on? |
| 446 | I'm sorry. |
| 447 | I, I told you I was in Tulsa |
| 448 | because I wanted to spend the night with Monica |
| 449 | and I, I didn't know, I didn't think you'd understand. |
| 450 | What, you think I'm too dumb to understand |
| 451 | that a husband needs to be with his wife, huh? |
| 452 | You think I'm, like, "Duh!" |
| 453 | Joey. |
| 454 | Yeah? |
| 455 | I don't know what to say. |
| 456 | We shouldn't have lied to you. |
| 457 | Yeah, I feel so bad. |
| 458 | Is there anything I can do to make it up to you? |
| 459 | Yeah, you could go to the game with me. |
| 460 | Even though I know you said you couldn't. |
| 461 | But then you lied to me and tricked me |
| 462 | and gave me a bump on the head. |
| 463 | I'm sorry, that's the one thing I can't do. |
| 464 | I promised I'd be with Monica. |
| 465 | All right. |
| 466 | You can go. |
| 467 | What? |
| 468 | You should go to the game. |
| 469 | It's okay; I want you to. |
| 470 | Really? You going to be okay? |
| 471 | Yeah, I'll be fine. |
| 472 | You know, maybe I'll stay here |
| 473 | and practice the art of seduction. |
| 474 | You're going to put sweats on and clean, aren't you? |
| 475 | It's going to be so hot. |
| 476 | Okay, bye. Have fun. |
| 477 | Thanks. |
| 478 | Okay, here's your ticket. |
| 479 | Thanks. Hey, listen. |
| 480 | I'm never going to lie to you again, okay? |
| 481 | And I want you to know that nobody thinks you're stupid. |
| 482 | Thanks, man. |
| 483 | Where you going? |
| 484 | Game's tomorrow night, Joe. |
| 485 | ( door shuts ) |
| 486 | Hi. |
| 487 | ( greetings all around ) |
| 488 | Oh, God. |
| 489 | I'm so glad you're back. |
| 490 | Wow. So, what did you guys do? |
| 491 | Oh, you know, we just drank some beer. |
| 492 | Mike played with the boundaries of normal social conduct. |
| 493 | ( sheepish chuckle ) |
| 494 | It's true, I did. |
| 495 | Well, good-bye. |
| 496 | Okay. |
| 497 | Okay. Bye. |
| 498 | That was fun, Pheebs. |
| 499 | I know, that was fun. |
| 500 | See you, guys. |
| 501 | Rachel, lock the door. |
| 502 | Lock the door, seriously. |
| 503 | Oh, shoot, I forgot to pay Phoebe for the drinks. |
| 504 | Wait, wait. |
| 505 | Sorry. Did he call? |
| 506 | Did that guy call? |
| 507 | No, just his mom. |
| 508 | Oh. Around 8:30? |
| 509 | Yeah. Then again at 9:00? |
| 510 | Uh-huh. Yeah, sure. |
| 511 | ( phone ringing ) |
| 512 | Hello. |
| 513 | Uh, no, she's not here right now. |
| 514 | Can I take a message? |
| 515 | "Bill from the bar." |
| 516 | Okay, Bill from the bar |
| 517 | I'll make sure she gets your number. |
| 518 | ( door opens ) |
| 519 | Ah. |
| 520 | So, uh, so, how was it? |
| 521 | Uh, did you guys have a good time? |
| 522 | Oh, we had so much fun. |
| 523 | It felt so good to be out. |
| 524 | Uh, Rach? |
| 525 | Yeah? |
| 526 | Never mind. |
| 527 | Hey, you guys. |
| 528 | Hey. Hey. |
| 529 | I'll be right back. |
| 530 | I got to go to the bathroom. |
| 531 | Stout. That's a kind of beer. |
| 532 | Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org |
| 533 | |
| 1 | "He sprang to his sleigh |
| 2 | "To his team gave a whistle |
| 3 | "And away they all flew like the down of a thistle. |
| 4 | "But I heard him exclaim ere he drove out of sight |
| 5 | 'Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!'" |
| 6 | Wow! That was great! |
| 7 | You really wrote that? |
| 8 | Uh-huh. |
| 9 | Say good-bye, elves, I'm off to Tulsa. |
| 10 | Oh, I can't believe you're not going to be here for Christmas. |
| 11 | You're really not coming back? |
| 12 | Yeah. We have all this paperwork |
| 13 | that needs to be filed by the end of the year. |
| 14 | If I don't get it done, I'll be fired. |
| 15 | Just, it's so unfair. |
| 16 | You don't even like your job. |
| 17 | So, who does? |
| 18 | Oh, I like my job. I love my job. |
| 19 | I can't wait to go back to work. |
| 20 | I can't get enough dinosaurs. |
| 21 | I'm sorry I won't be here. |
| 22 | It's hard enough not seeing you during the week |
| 23 | but for Christmas... |
| 24 | But if this is what you have to do, I understand. |
| 25 | Thanks. |
| 26 | I'll see you New Year's Day. |
| 27 | You're not going to be here New Year's Eve?! |
| 28 | Did I not mention that? |
| 29 | No. |
| 30 | And to all a good night! |
| 31 | ♪ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ♪ |
| 32 | ♪ Your job's a joke, you're broke ♪ |
| 33 | ♪ Your love life's D.O.A. ♪ |
| 34 | ♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪ |
| 35 | ♪ When it hasn't been your day, your week ♪ |
| 36 | ♪ Your month, or even your year ♪ |
| 37 | ♪ But I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 38 | ♪ When the rain starts to pour ♪ |
| 39 | ♪ I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 40 | ♪ Like I've been there before ♪ |
| 41 | ♪ I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 42 | ♪ 'Cause you're there for me, too. ♪ |
| 43 | All right, everybody |
| 44 | I know that it is Christmas Eve |
| 45 | and you'd rather be with your families. |
| 46 | But there is no call |
| 47 | for writing "Screw You, Mr. Bing" |
| 48 | on the back of my chair. |
| 49 | By the way, you can all call me Chandler. |
| 50 | Hey. |
| 51 | Hey, where've you been? |
| 52 | Oh, I was checking out that insurance company's |
| 53 | Christmas party on three. |
| 54 | I mean, it was really beautiful. |
| 55 | They have all these decorations and this huge tree |
| 56 | and I just thought, "To hell with them, we have to work." |
| 57 | So I stole their ham. |
| 58 | You hear that? |
| 59 | You may not be with your families |
| 60 | but at least it's going to smell like ham in here. |
| 61 | My kid's in a play right now. |
| 62 | You know what, I know what will cheer you guys up. |
| 63 | Had a little talk with the boys in New York |
| 64 | told them about all the hard work you've been doing |
| 65 | and that a little Christmas bonus may be in order. |
| 66 | "A donation has been made in your name |
| 67 | to the New York City Ballet." |
| 68 | Well, that's like money in your pocket. |
| 69 | All right, look, you want me to say it? |
| 70 | This sucks. Being here sucks. This work sucks! |
| 71 | Now it feels like Christmas. |
| 72 | I'm sorry. |
| 73 | Hey, at least you guys get to go home |
| 74 | and be with your families tonight. |
| 75 | I have to go back to an empty hotel room |
| 76 | and lay down on a very questionable bedspread. |
| 77 | And then tomorrow morning |
| 78 | you get to have Christmas morning in your own houses |
| 79 | which by the way, none of you have invited me to. |
| 80 | You can come to my house. |
| 81 | ( chuckles ): No, thanks. |
| 82 | That's a nice pep talk. |
| 83 | Oh, thanks. |
| 84 | I'm actually thinking about becoming a motivational speaker. |
| 85 | So, if you were home right now, what would you be doing? |
| 86 | Typical Christmas Eve stuff, you know. |
| 87 | Our holidays are pretty traditional. |
| 88 | Um, so here's a very special holiday song |
| 89 | that I wrote for some very important people to me. |
| 90 | ( guitar strums ) |
| 91 | ♪ Went to the store, sat on Santa's lap ♪ |
| 92 | ♪ Asked him to bring my friends all kinds of crap ♪ |
| 93 | ♪ Santa, all you need is to write them a song ♪ |
| 94 | ♪ They haven't heard it yet, so don't try to sing along ♪ |
| 95 | ♪ No, don't sing along ♪ |
| 96 | ( guitar playing ) |
| 97 | ♪ Monica, Monica, have a happy Hanukkah ♪ |
| 98 | ♪ Saw Santa Claus, he said hello to Ross ♪ |
| 99 | ♪ And please tell Joey, Christmas will be snowy! ♪ |
| 100 | ♪ And Rachel and Chandler, how's the... handler? ♪ |
| 101 | Happy holidays, everybody. |
| 102 | ( applause ) |
| 103 | Okay, Pheebs, you look in the kitchen |
| 104 | I will look in the back closet, okay? |
| 105 | I can save you time, ladies. |
| 106 | I'm right here. |
| 107 | Yeah. |
| 108 | Chandler, why don't you take a walk. |
| 109 | This doesn't concern you. |
| 110 | We are looking for our Christmas presents |
| 111 | from Monica. |
| 112 | What? That's terrible. |
| 113 | No, no, we do it every year. |
| 114 | Oh, well, that-that makes it not terrible. |
| 115 | No. Yeah, we never find them. |
| 116 | She's always bested us, that wily... minx. |
| 117 | Yeah, don't worry. |
| 118 | We're just going to search here for an hour |
| 119 | and then we're going to go over to Joey's and search, okay? |
| 120 | No, not okay. |
| 121 | You can't look for Monica's presents. |
| 122 | Oh, no, we have to. |
| 123 | No, you don't have to. |
| 124 | And you can't because I-I live here, too. |
| 125 | Well, then, you should look with us. |
| 126 | Why? |
| 127 | Chandler, aren't you worried |
| 128 | about what to get Monica for Christmas? |
| 129 | No, I have a great idea for a present for her. |
| 130 | Oh, that's it? "A great idea." Oh, yeah. |
| 131 | Chandler, that's not enough. |
| 132 | What if she gets you a great present |
| 133 | two medium presents, and a bunch of little presents |
| 134 | and you've just gotten her one great present? |
| 135 | I mean, that's just going to make her feel bad. |
| 136 | Why would you do that to her, Chandler? Why? Why? |
| 137 | If I help, we could find them faster! |
| 138 | That's right. |
| 139 | Ooh! |
| 140 | Ooh, we have a live one. |
| 141 | Oh! It's a Macy's bag! |
| 142 | Yeah. |
| 143 | Oh! |
| 144 | Ooh, who's it for? |
| 145 | "Dear losers, do you really think |
| 146 | I'd hide presents under the couch?" |
| 147 | "P.S. Chandler, I knew they'd break you." |
| 148 | Rach, these are for you. |
| 149 | Wiper blades. |
| 150 | I don't even have a car. |
| 151 | No, but with this new car smell, you'll think you do. |
| 152 | Okay, Pheebs, your turn. |
| 153 | Oh! |
| 154 | Toilet seat covers! |
| 155 | Is that what you were doing while I was getting gas? Uh-huh. |
| 156 | You guys... |
| 157 | JOEY: Okay, and for Ross |
| 158 | Mr. Sweet Tooth... |
| 159 | You got me a cola drink? |
| 160 | And... a lemon lime! |
| 161 | Well... well, this... this is too much. |
| 162 | I feel like I should get you another sweater. |
| 163 | And last, but not least... |
| 164 | They're ribbed for your pleasure. |
| 165 | Hey, Ben |
| 166 | what if the Holiday Armadillo |
| 167 | told you all about the Festival of Lights? |
| 168 | Cool! Right. |
| 169 | Come on, Ben. |
| 170 | Years and years ago |
| 171 | there were these people called the Maccabees! |
| 172 | Ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas! |
| 173 | Santa! |
| 174 | Hey! |
| 175 | What are you doing here, Santa? |
| 176 | Well, I'm here to see my old buddy Ben. |
| 177 | What are you doing here, weird... turtle... man? |
| 178 | I'm the Holiday Armadillo |
| 179 | your part-Jewish friend. |
| 180 | You sent me here to give Ben some presents. |
| 181 | Remember? |
| 182 | What? |
| 183 | Ben, why don't you come open some more presents. |
| 184 | And Santa, the Armadillo and I |
| 185 | will have a little talk in the kitchen. |
| 186 | There's a sentence I'd never thought I'd say. |
| 187 | What are you doing?! |
| 188 | You called everyone and said |
| 189 | you were having trouble finding a Santa costume. |
| 190 | So I borrowed one from a guy at work. |
| 191 | Thank you, but-but... you got to leave. |
| 192 | Why? |
| 193 | Because I'm finally getting him excited about Hanukkah |
| 194 | and then you're... you're wrecking it. |
| 195 | But I didn't get to shake my belly |
| 196 | like a bowl full of jelly. |
| 197 | I'm sorry, Chandler, but this, this is really important to me. |
| 198 | Fine, I'll, I'll give the suit back. |
| 199 | Hey... |
| 200 | you think you can keep it another night? |
| 201 | Santa? Really? |
| 202 | Yeah, is that okay? |
| 203 | Did your Dad ever dress up like Santa? |
| 204 | No. |
| 205 | Then it's okay! |
| 206 | You know what? Everybody, go home. |
| 207 | You should be with your families. |
| 208 | It's bad enough that we're working New Year's Eve. |
| 209 | Did I not tell anyone about New Year's Eve? |
| 210 | Oh, all right, look, go. Go home, okay. |
| 211 | Merry Christmas. |
| 212 | Go. |
| 213 | ALL: Merry Christmas. Peace on Earth. |
| 214 | Bye. Good. |
| 215 | God speed, good people. |
| 216 | You're not going to go? |
| 217 | Nah. I couldn't leave you alone. |
| 218 | Ah, thanks. |
| 219 | Besides, I can't leave |
| 220 | until that Christmas party downstairs clears out. |
| 221 | There are some pissed-off insurance people |
| 222 | looking for that ham. |
| 223 | Ah. ( telephone rings ) |
| 224 | Chandler Bing. |
| 225 | Hi, honey, we're all here. |
| 226 | We just want to wish you a Merry Christmas. |
| 227 | Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas! |
| 228 | Blah, blah! |
| 229 | Oh, Merry Christmas. I miss you guys. |
| 230 | So is it horrible? |
| 231 | Is everybody working really hard? |
| 232 | Ah, well, no. It's just me and Wendy. |
| 233 | Wendy? That sounds like a girl's name. |
| 234 | It is. |
| 235 | Did I not tell you about her? |
| 236 | Mm-hmm, mm-hmm |
| 237 | about the time you told me about New Year's Eve. |
| 238 | Where is everybody else? |
| 239 | I sent them home. |
| 240 | Oh, you are such a good boss. |
| 241 | Is she pretty? |
| 242 | Uh, uh... |
| 243 | Answer faster, answer faster. |
| 244 | I don't know. |
| 245 | Answer better, answer better. |
| 246 | I don't think of her that way, you know. |
| 247 | She's a... she's a colleague. |
| 248 | What does she do there? |
| 249 | Oh, she's Regional Vice President. |
| 250 | She's just below me. |
| 251 | She did what?! |
| 252 | Be-low me. |
| 253 | Oh, wait, is Wendy the runner-up Miss Oklahoma? |
| 254 | What? |
| 255 | Well, sh-she didn't win. |
| 256 | All right, well, maybe I should let you |
| 257 | and the second prettiest girl in Oklahoma get back to work. |
| 258 | Well, second prettiest that year. |
| 259 | I mean, of all the girls in Oklahoma, she's probably... |
| 260 | Oh, Chandler, stop talking. |
| 261 | Honey, there's really nothing to worry about. |
| 262 | Okay. |
| 263 | I'm serious. |
| 264 | Okay. |
| 265 | Merry Christmas. |
| 266 | Merry Christmas. |
| 267 | Merry Christmas, you guys. |
| 268 | Merry Christmas. Blah-blah gla, bla gla. |
| 269 | The wife says hi. |
| 270 | Ah, fun conversation? |
| 271 | Oh, well, she's just got this weird idea |
| 272 | that just because you and I are alone |
| 273 | that something's going to happen. |
| 274 | Uh? Really? |
| 275 | Hmm, would that be so terrible? |
| 276 | This is probably the wrong thing to be worrying about |
| 277 | but you're getting ham on my only tie. |
| 278 | Whoa, whoa, back off, Missy. |
| 279 | ( chuckles ) |
| 280 | Missy? |
| 281 | I don't know-- |
| 282 | I'm not used to girls making passes at me. |
| 283 | Wait a minute. |
| 284 | Am I sexy in Oklahoma? |
| 285 | You are to me. |
| 286 | No... no... |
| 287 | No! |
| 288 | Look, I'm... I'm married. |
| 289 | So? I'm married. |
| 290 | I'm happily married. |
| 291 | Oh. What's that like? |
| 292 | Right. so, I'm sorry, but... |
| 293 | Seriously? |
| 294 | Happily married? |
| 295 | So that phone call before, that was happy? |
| 296 | Well, look, it's not easy |
| 297 | to spend this much time apart. |
| 298 | She's entitled to be a little paranoid. |
| 299 | Or in this case, right on the money. |
| 300 | But look, you know, she's amazing |
| 301 | and beautiful and smart. |
| 302 | And if she were here right now |
| 303 | she'd kick your ass. |
| 304 | Look, you're a really nice person-- |
| 305 | ham stealing and adultery aside-- |
| 306 | but what I have |
| 307 | with my wife is pretty great. |
| 308 | So, nothing's ever going to happen between us. |
| 309 | Okay, let me ask you something. |
| 310 | If what you and your wife have is so great |
| 311 | then why are you spending Christmas with me? |
| 312 | You were the most beautiful woman in the room tonight. |
| 313 | Really? |
| 314 | Are you kidding? |
| 315 | You're the most beautiful woman |
| 316 | in most rooms. |
| 317 | Whoa, whoa, whoa, what's going on? |
| 318 | You and I just made out. |
| 319 | You and I are making out? |
| 320 | Well, not anymore. |
| 321 | But we don't do that. |
| 322 | I know. I just thought it would be fun. |
| 323 | How drunk are you? |
| 324 | Drunk enough that I know I want to do this. |
| 325 | Not so drunk that you should feel guilty |
| 326 | about taking advantage. |
| 327 | That's the perfect amount. |
| 328 | You know what's weird? |
| 329 | What? |
| 330 | This doesn't feel weird. |
| 331 | I know. |
| 332 | You're a really good kisser. |
| 333 | Well, I have kissed over four women. |
| 334 | You want to get under the covers? |
| 335 | Uh-huh. Okay. |
| 336 | Wow, you are really fast. |
| 337 | It bodes well for me that speed impresses you. |
| 338 | We're going to see each other naked. |
| 339 | Yup. |
| 340 | You want to do it at the same time? |
| 341 | Count to three? |
| 342 | One... |
| 343 | Two, three. two, three. |
| 344 | Well, I think it's safe to say |
| 345 | that our friendship is effectively ruined. |
| 346 | Ah, we weren't that close anyway. |
| 347 | Yeah. |
| 348 | So, are you really going to go out with that nurse man? |
| 349 | Well, you and I are just goofing around. |
| 350 | I thought, why not just goof around with him? |
| 351 | You know, I don't know |
| 352 | if you've ever looked up the term "goofing around" in the dictionary. |
| 353 | Well, I have. |
| 354 | And the technical definition is: |
| 355 | Two friends who care a lot about each other |
| 356 | and have amazing sex... |
| 357 | and just... |
| 358 | want to spend more time together. |
| 359 | But if you have this newfangled dictionary |
| 360 | that gets you mad at me |
| 361 | then we have to, you know, get you my original dictionary. |
| 362 | I am so bad at this. |
| 363 | I think you're better than you think you are. |
| 364 | Really? |
| 365 | Okay... So, if... |
| 366 | Know when to stop. |
| 367 | You know, I sense that I should stop. |
| 368 | So we're okay? |
| 369 | Yeah. |
| 370 | Don't do the dance. |
| 371 | Right. |
| 372 | Okay, come on. I can't get married |
| 373 | until I get something old, something new |
| 374 | something borrowed and something blue. |
| 375 | Okay, okay, okay. |
| 376 | Here's something... |
| 377 | Here's something blue and new. |
| 378 | You're so efficient. |
| 379 | I love you. |
| 380 | Let's go. |
| 381 | No, no, no, wait! |
| 382 | We need something old. |
| 383 | Uh, okay, I have a condom in my wallet |
| 384 | that I've had since I was 12. |
| 385 | That'll work. |
| 386 | I don't think so. |
| 387 | Okay, now we just need something borrowed. |
| 388 | Here, just take this. |
| 389 | That's stealing. |
| 390 | We'll bring it back. |
| 391 | Just put it under your dress. |
| 392 | Oh... |
| 393 | Okay, one thing at a time. |
| 394 | Listen, um... |
| 395 | I've been thinking. |
| 396 | It's not fair of me to ask you |
| 397 | to spend all of your money on our wedding. |
| 398 | I mean, you work... you work really hard for that. |
| 399 | Well... |
| 400 | Well, you work for that. |
| 401 | Look, I've thought about it, too, and... |
| 402 | I'm sorry. |
| 403 | I think we should spend all of the money on the wedding. |
| 404 | You do? |
| 405 | Yeah. I'm putting my foot down. |
| 406 | ( chuckles ) |
| 407 | Yeah, look, when I proposed |
| 408 | I told you that I would do anything to make you happy. |
| 409 | And if having the perfect wedding makes you happy |
| 410 | then... then that's what we're going to do. |
| 411 | Hmm, you are so sweet. |
| 412 | Oh... |
| 413 | What about... what about the future and stuff? |
| 414 | Ah, forget about the future and stuff. |
| 415 | So we only have two kids. |
| 416 | You know, we'll pick our favorite |
| 417 | and that one will get to go to college. |
| 418 | You've thought about that? |
| 419 | Yeah. |
| 420 | How many kids were we going to have? |
| 421 | Ah, four. |
| 422 | A boy, twin girls and another boy. |
| 423 | What else did you think about? |
| 424 | Well, stuff like where we'd live, you know. |
| 425 | Like a small place outside the city |
| 426 | where our kids could learn to ride their bikes and stuff. |
| 427 | And, you know, we could have a cat |
| 428 | that had a bell on its collar, and we could hear it |
| 429 | every time it ran through the little kitty door. |
| 430 | 'Course, we'd have an apartment over the garage |
| 431 | where Joey could grow old. |
| 432 | You know what? |
| 433 | I don't want a big, fancy wedding. |
| 434 | Sure you do. |
| 435 | No. |
| 436 | I want everything that you just said. |
| 437 | I want a marriage. |
| 438 | You sure? |
| 439 | Mm-hmm. |
| 440 | I love you so much. |
| 441 | I love you. |
| 442 | ( gasps ) |
| 443 | Aw... I love it! |
| 444 | Really? You're not going to return it? |
| 445 | Well, not this second. |
| 446 | Hey, look, you guys, it's snowing! |
| 447 | Hey. |
| 448 | Oh, wow, it's so beautiful. |
| 449 | Wow, it really is. |
| 450 | Oh... |
| 451 | Wendy's a fat girl name. |
| 452 | Aren't we done with that? |
| 453 | Okay, fine... fine. |
| 454 | Let's talk about snow. |
| 455 | You think it's snowing in Tulsa |
| 456 | where my husband's having sex on a copying machine? |
| 457 | Hey! |
| 458 | Oh, my God! Hey. |
| 459 | Oh... Hey. |
| 460 | Look at that, it's a Christmas miracle! |
| 461 | What are you doing here? |
| 462 | I wanted to be with you. |
| 463 | I missed you so much. |
| 464 | Hey, hey, who'd you miss the most? |
| 465 | Monica. |
| 466 | Gotcha. |
| 467 | I never want to leave you again. |
| 468 | But I thought if you left, you'd get fired. |
| 469 | Turns out they can't fire me... because I quit. |
| 470 | What? |
| 471 | What? You... you really quit your job? |
| 472 | Yeah. It's a stupid job and I could not stand leaving you. |
| 473 | And why should I be the only one |
| 474 | who doesn't get to do what he really wants to do? |
| 475 | Well, what do you really want to do? |
| 476 | I have not thought this through! |
| 477 | Oh, my God. |
| 478 | I know, I should've talked to you first about it. |
| 479 | No. I think if this is what you want to do, I think it's great. |
| 480 | Thanks. |
| 481 | Chandler, your being here |
| 482 | is the best Christmas present I could've ever imagined. |
| 483 | Aw. |
| 484 | Now give me my real gift. |
| 485 | Thank you. |
| 486 | Here, pass these around. |
| 487 | Oh! |
| 488 | Oh, thanks. |
| 489 | "A donation has been made in your name |
| 490 | to the New York City Ballet." |
| 491 | How did you know? |
| 492 | What? Are you kidding? |
| 493 | I can't return this. |
| 494 | I thought it was time we started thinking about other people. |
| 495 | Besides, this gift still says I love you guys. |
| 496 | Mine says, "To Lillian Meyers." |
| 497 | I don't have a job! |
| 498 | Actuary? No. |
| 499 | Bookkeeper? No. |
| 500 | Topless dancer? |
| 501 | Hey, you know what I just realized? |
| 502 | You are the sole wage earner. |
| 503 | You are the head of the household. |
| 504 | I don't do anything. |
| 505 | I'm a kept man! |
| 506 | You are. |
| 507 | Hey, here's 20 bucks. |
| 508 | Why don't you go buy yourself something pretty |
| 509 | while I'm at work tomorrow. |
| 510 | Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org |
| 511 | |
| 1 | Hi. Good morning, tiger. |
| 2 | I'm making you a nice big breakfast |
| 3 | so you can keep up your strength for tonight. |
| 4 | You're going to get me good and pregnant. |
| 5 | I've got nowhere to go this morning. |
| 6 | I'm unemployed. |
| 7 | I don't know what I'm going to do with my life. |
| 8 | Well, I just lost my erection. |
| 9 | No, I mean, what am I supposed to do with myself? |
| 10 | You're supposed to find your passion in life. |
| 11 | You can be whatever you want to be now. |
| 12 | It's exciting. |
| 13 | Yeah, it's also overwhelming. |
| 14 | I mean, I don't know where to start. |
| 15 | Hey, wait a second. |
| 16 | I can help you with this. |
| 17 | You just need to be organized. |
| 18 | We can make a list of your qualifications |
| 19 | and categorize jobs by industry. |
| 20 | There could be folders and files... |
| 21 | Hey, this is where your hyper-organized |
| 22 | pain-in-the-ass stuff pays off. |
| 23 | I know! |
| 24 | My erection is back. |
| 25 | ♪ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ♪ |
| 26 | ♪ Your job's a joke, you're broke ♪ |
| 27 | ♪ Your love life's D.O.A. ♪ |
| 28 | ♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪ |
| 29 | ♪ When it hasn't been your day, your week ♪ |
| 30 | ♪ Your month, or even your year ♪ |
| 31 | ♪ But I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 32 | ♪ 'Cause you're there for me, too. ♪ |
| 33 | Thank you. |
| 34 | Joey, could I have a sip of your coffee |
| 35 | and a bite of your muffin? |
| 36 | Okay. |
| 37 | Thank you. |
| 38 | Uh, Pheebs, have you ever been bitten by a hungry Italian? |
| 39 | I'm sorry. |
| 40 | It's just, I'm a little short on cash. |
| 41 | If you want, I could loan you some money. |
| 42 | Oh, no, no, no. |
| 43 | I learned never borrow money from friends. |
| 44 | No, that's why Richard Dreyfuss and I don't speak anymore. |
| 45 | Ooh, hey, how about this? |
| 46 | Want to be an extra on my show? |
| 47 | You could do that? Yeah, yeah. |
| 48 | The pay is pretty good |
| 49 | and you could do it for as long as you need. |
| 50 | Oh, my God, I'm going to be on TV. |
| 51 | Okay, now, I got to tell you |
| 52 | being on TV isn't as glamorous and exciting as you think. |
| 53 | Oh, really? |
| 54 | No, it is awesome. |
| 55 | Hey, guys. |
| 56 | Hey. Hey. |
| 57 | Oh, wow. |
| 58 | Hey, why are you all dressed up? |
| 59 | Rachel and I are bringing Emma to Ralph Lauren today |
| 60 | to introduce her to everyone. |
| 61 | Doesn't she look cute? |
| 62 | She sure does. |
| 63 | Why does she have a pink bow taped to her head? |
| 64 | Well, because if one more person says "What a cute little boy" |
| 65 | I'm going to whip them with a car antenna. |
| 66 | I think she's going to be the hit of the office, huh? |
| 67 | She's going to be hotter than peasant blouses |
| 68 | and A-line skirts. |
| 69 | Can I get a blue bow? |
| 70 | Okay, I have looked through a bunch of career guides |
| 71 | photocopied and highlighted key passages |
| 72 | and put them into alphabetical folders |
| 73 | so you can make an informed decision. |
| 74 | How long was I in there? |
| 75 | Okay, let's start with the As. |
| 76 | Advertising. |
| 77 | Wait. |
| 78 | Advertising. That's a great idea. |
| 79 | Well, don't you want to look through the rest? |
| 80 | I don't think I have to hear the rest. |
| 81 | Advertising makes perfect sense. |
| 82 | Sorry you had to waste all this time, though. |
| 83 | You call eight hours alone with my label maker wasted time? |
| 84 | Ooh, now I'll get to use my shredder. |
| 85 | I mean, I could write slogans. |
| 86 | How hard could it be, right? |
| 87 | Cheese. |
| 88 | It's milk... that you chew. |
| 89 | Crackers. |
| 90 | Because your cheese needs a buddy. |
| 91 | A grape. |
| 92 | Because who can get a watermelon in your mouth? |
| 93 | I got one. |
| 94 | Socks. Because your family's feet deserve the best. |
| 95 | Honey, leave it to the pros. |
| 96 | I actually know someone in advertising. |
| 97 | I grew up with this guy who is a vice president |
| 98 | at a big agency. |
| 99 | Maybe I can get him to meet you. |
| 100 | Give me the phone. |
| 101 | The phone. |
| 102 | Bringing you closer to people who have phones. |
| 103 | Marriage. It's not for everybody. |
| 104 | Well, that went well. |
| 105 | Almost everybody knew that she was a girl. |
| 106 | Yeah, after you punched that one guy who got it wrong, word spread. |
| 107 | All right, well, I'm just going to go in my office |
| 108 | and pick up some stuff. |
| 109 | Who the hell are you? |
| 110 | Who the hell are you? |
| 111 | I'm the hell person whose office this is. |
| 112 | Good one, Rach. |
| 113 | I'm Gavin Mitchell, the person who's taken over your job. |
| 114 | Excuse me? |
| 115 | Oh, your baby's so cute. |
| 116 | Why would you put a pink bow on a boy? |
| 117 | Hey, Joey, look at me. |
| 118 | I'm a nurse. |
| 119 | Yes, you are. |
| 120 | Think it might be time for my sponge bath. |
| 121 | Sorry, I'm just so used to hitting on the extras. |
| 122 | So are you excited about your scene? |
| 123 | Yeah, but I'm a little shaky and nervous. |
| 124 | Oh, relax, don't be. You'll be fine. |
| 125 | They'll probably just make you stand in the background. |
| 126 | Okay, okay, okay, you. |
| 127 | Here, come here. |
| 128 | You're going to take this tray, stand on this yellow mark. |
| 129 | You're going to move on "action." |
| 130 | You're going to walk over to the operating table |
| 131 | stop on that blue mark, put the tray down. |
| 132 | Don't walk too fast. |
| 133 | But don't dawdle. |
| 134 | Okay, now, what? |
| 135 | And... action! |
| 136 | ( rattling ) |
| 137 | Cut! Cut! |
| 138 | I'm sorry, I'm sorry. |
| 139 | I'm just a little nervous. |
| 140 | Yeah, well, don't be. |
| 141 | Okay, that helps. |
| 142 | And... action! |
| 143 | ( rattling ) |
| 144 | ( clanging ) Cut! |
| 145 | Hey, don't worry about it, Pheebs. |
| 146 | Usually takes me three takes, too. |
| 147 | All right, eight. |
| 148 | And... |
| 149 | Action! |
| 150 | ( rattling ) |
| 151 | ( clanging ) |
| 152 | So, do you have any other questions about advertising? |
| 153 | No, no. |
| 154 | But let me show you what I can do. |
| 155 | Bagels and doughnuts. |
| 156 | Round food for every mood. |
| 157 | Monica warned me you might do that. |
| 158 | I actually think we might have something for you at the agency. |
| 159 | Really? That's great. |
| 160 | It's an unpaid internship. |
| 161 | That's funny. When you said "unpaid" |
| 162 | it sounded like you said "unpaid." |
| 163 | Come on, now, Monica has a good job. |
| 164 | And it's not like you have a family to support. |
| 165 | Well, actually, we're trying. |
| 166 | And I don't think Monica's going to want to postpone it. |
| 167 | We're supposed to have sex tonight. |
| 168 | Actually, she's probably at home naked right now. |
| 169 | I tend to keep talking until somebody stops me. |
| 170 | You can just picture her on the bed right now... |
| 171 | Stop! Okay. |
| 172 | Wait a minute. |
| 173 | What do you mean you're taking over my job? |
| 174 | Well, while you were on your baby vacation |
| 175 | I was doing your job. |
| 176 | A vacation? |
| 177 | My idea of a vacation does not involve |
| 178 | something sucking on my nipples until they are raw. |
| 179 | Clearly you've never been to Sandals Paradise Island. |
| 180 | Well, don't get too comfortable there |
| 181 | because I'm back in two weeks. |
| 182 | And I want everything back to the way it was. |
| 183 | I can't say that I care too much |
| 184 | for the way that you've rearranged my office. |
| 185 | I can't say I care too much |
| 186 | for that smell you've brought in with you. |
| 187 | Excuse me? |
| 188 | Uh, Rach... |
| 189 | we have a Code Brown situation. |
| 190 | Well, could you please, please take care of it for me? |
| 191 | All right, but you have to do one some time. |
| 192 | Let me just get this straight. |
| 193 | So I go have a baby and they send some guy in to do my job? |
| 194 | Well, there was talk of shutting down Ralph Lauren altogether. |
| 195 | You're very cheeky for a temp. |
| 196 | I'm not a temp. |
| 197 | I was transferred here from another department. |
| 198 | Oh, yeah, and what department was that |
| 199 | the jerk department? |
| 200 | Oh, they didn't tell me about your quick wit. |
| 201 | Ah, well, did they mention |
| 202 | that I'm rubber and you're glue? |
| 203 | Gavin, Ralph loved your ideas. |
| 204 | Oh, hi, Mr. Zelner. |
| 205 | Ah, Rachel. I see you've met Gavin. |
| 206 | You know, I must say when you left us |
| 207 | we weren't sure what we were going to do. |
| 208 | But then, Gavin to the rescue. |
| 209 | Super Gavin. |
| 210 | Well, that's great, that's great. |
| 211 | So now, Super Gavin, when I come back |
| 212 | where do you plan on flying off to? |
| 213 | Well, that's up to Mr. Zelner. |
| 214 | I'm sure he'll make the right decision. |
| 215 | ( sotto ): Oh, wow, Super Ass Kissing Power. |
| 216 | Incidentally, when are you coming back? |
| 217 | Uh, today. |
| 218 | You said two weeks. |
| 219 | No, I said today. |
| 220 | See, for a super hero, not so much with the listening. |
| 221 | Hey. So what'd he say? |
| 222 | Uh... |
| 223 | well, he can be a little rough around the edges. |
| 224 | So I'm going to replace a word he used a lot |
| 225 | with the word "puppy." |
| 226 | Okay? |
| 227 | So he said, "If your puppy friend |
| 228 | "doesn't get her puppy act together |
| 229 | I am going to fire her mother puppy ass." |
| 230 | I'm sorry. I can't do this. |
| 231 | I'm just not an actor. |
| 232 | That's right, you're not. |
| 233 | You're a nurse. You're Nurse With Tray. |
| 234 | Joey... |
| 235 | No, no, Nurse With Tray doesn't know Joey. |
| 236 | She doesn't have time for friends. |
| 237 | She gets in that operating room |
| 238 | and she carries that tray to the doctor |
| 239 | because if she doesn't, people die. |
| 240 | Who dies? |
| 241 | Man With Eye Patch. |
| 242 | Now you get in there and you do your job. |
| 243 | Yes, doctor. Okay. |
| 244 | ( claps ): Okay. |
| 245 | Let's try this one more time. |
| 246 | Hang in there, Man With Eye Patch |
| 247 | your tray is coming. |
| 248 | And... action. |
| 249 | Yes! I did it! I nailed it! |
| 250 | Whoo! |
| 251 | What's next? |
| 252 | The rest of the scene. |
| 253 | Okay, from the top, people. |
| 254 | Listen, sudden change in plans. |
| 255 | My maternity leave just ended. |
| 256 | They told me that if I didn't come back today |
| 257 | they were going to fire me. |
| 258 | What the...? That's illegal. |
| 259 | I'm going to have the Labor Department |
| 260 | down here so fast, they won't even... |
| 261 | All right, calm down, Norma Rae. |
| 262 | They didn't actually say that. |
| 263 | I'm just afraid if I don't come back right now |
| 264 | this guy's going to try to squeeze me out. |
| 265 | But what about Emma? |
| 266 | We don't have a nanny. |
| 267 | I know. |
| 268 | You know what-- we're just going |
| 269 | to have to figure out a plan tonight. |
| 270 | Can you please just take care of her for today? |
| 271 | Absolutely. |
| 272 | Just give me your breasts and we'll be on our way. |
| 273 | Come on, I don't know what else to do. |
| 274 | Fine. Fine. |
| 275 | We'll have fun, won't we? |
| 276 | Yes, we will... |
| 277 | ( kissing sound ) |
| 278 | Ross... |
| 279 | Huh? |
| 280 | You're pretty. |
| 281 | Whatever I decide to do |
| 282 | I'm going to be starting an new career from scratch. |
| 283 | It's going to be a while before I make a living at it. |
| 284 | Maybe now is not the right time |
| 285 | to be starting a family. |
| 286 | So you have to tell Monica |
| 287 | you don't want to have a baby right now? |
| 288 | Yeah. |
| 289 | Good-bye. |
| 290 | Okay, it's baby time. |
| 291 | Pants off, Bing. |
| 292 | Didn't see you there, Geller. |
| 293 | Yeah, Ross is here, so... |
| 294 | Yeah, uh-huh, yeah. |
| 295 | And I was really hoping that maybe I could hang out. |
| 296 | Hmm. |
| 297 | You know, what do you feel like doing? |
| 298 | Well, we're going to have sex. |
| 299 | I don't feel like having sex. |
| 300 | Uh, maybe, uh, I don't know |
| 301 | maybe we can watch a movie or something. |
| 302 | Let me put it this way-- |
| 303 | we're having sex whether you're here or not. |
| 304 | Pants off, Bing. |
| 305 | All right, now that I'm back |
| 306 | why don't you just fill me in on |
| 307 | what you've been up to. |
| 308 | Well, I changed your screen saver |
| 309 | from that picture of NSYNC. |
| 310 | Hey, they were popular when I left. |
| 311 | But mostly I've just been working on |
| 312 | this big presentation for tomorrow. |
| 313 | Well, I should be involved in that |
| 314 | so why don't you get me up to speed? |
| 315 | That's going to take weeks. |
| 316 | Why don't you let me take care of the presentation? |
| 317 | Oh, no, no, no. |
| 318 | I see what you're doing here, all right? |
| 319 | Listen, this is my job, buddy. |
| 320 | Okay, I've had it for five years |
| 321 | and I know how it works. |
| 322 | So why don't you just catch me up. |
| 323 | Fine. |
| 324 | Oh, God. |
| 325 | You totally messed with the back support on my chair. |
| 326 | How do you fix this? |
| 327 | Hey, you've been here five years, you figure it out. |
| 328 | Fine, I will. |
| 329 | All right, fill me in. |
| 330 | Hey. |
| 331 | Hey. |
| 332 | Do you have a blue tie that would go with this? |
| 333 | Emma spit up on mine. |
| 334 | Yeah, but you have |
| 335 | to give it back if I get a job. |
| 336 | Of course, by that time in the future |
| 337 | ties will be obsolete |
| 338 | and we'll be wearing silver jumpsuits. |
| 339 | Hey, good morning, lover. |
| 340 | I've got to say |
| 341 | after last night, I'm a little weak in the knees. |
| 342 | Here's an idea: |
| 343 | you walk into a room, take a quick scan. |
| 344 | Sorry. |
| 345 | But I kind of have this feeling |
| 346 | that we may have made a baby last night. |
| 347 | Oh, God, I have to tell you something. |
| 348 | You're not pregnant. |
| 349 | What are you talking about? |
| 350 | Well, that thing that I have to do to make a baby... |
| 351 | I faked it. |
| 352 | What?! |
| 353 | You faked it?! |
| 354 | You know what? |
| 355 | I don't need a tie. |
| 356 | It's... it's better open collar, you know. |
| 357 | It's... more casual. |
| 358 | Joey. |
| 359 | Listen, I can't do this. |
| 360 | It doesn't make any sense. |
| 361 | Yesterday I was a nurse |
| 362 | and today I'm a waitress in a cafe? |
| 363 | Oh, well, sometimes we use the same extras for different parts. |
| 364 | It's okay. |
| 365 | Well, it's not okay |
| 366 | because I gave a very memorable performance as the nurse. |
| 367 | And now, suddenly I'm the waitress? |
| 368 | That's going to confuse my fans. |
| 369 | Um, uh... |
| 370 | Maybe... you are a nurse |
| 371 | but you moonlight as a waitress. |
| 372 | Oh. |
| 373 | Uh-huh. |
| 374 | Because I'm a single mother supporting my two children. |
| 375 | Nice. |
| 376 | Yeah. |
| 377 | Wait a minute. |
| 378 | Dr. Drake Ramoray and I work at the same hospital. |
| 379 | Wouldn't I come over to say hi to him? |
| 380 | No, no. |
| 381 | See, you and Drake are having a fight. |
| 382 | About what? |
| 383 | He slept with you and then never called you. |
| 384 | And I just wanted a new daddy for Davey and Becky. |
| 385 | Okay, okay, from the top. |
| 386 | And... action. |
| 387 | So, I'm surprised you agreed to have lunch with me. |
| 388 | I'm surprised, too, but yet here I am. |
| 389 | Cut! Cut! |
| 390 | What... what are you doing?! |
| 391 | Yeah, well, I'm very angry at him |
| 392 | because he slept with me and never called me back. |
| 393 | Me, too. |
| 394 | Me, too. |
| 395 | Oh, calm down. |
| 396 | She means on the show. |
| 397 | We need some new extras around here. |
| 398 | Wow, you're here already. |
| 399 | Yes. Emma and I came in a little early |
| 400 | to do research on the presentation. |
| 401 | Actually, I made a few changes |
| 402 | but I think I'm caught up on everything. |
| 403 | So ask me anything. |
| 404 | How do you fix the chair? |
| 405 | Except that! |
| 406 | Oh, hello |
| 407 | Mr. Zelner. |
| 408 | We are all ready for our presentation this afternoon. |
| 409 | Good, because it's in ten minutes. |
| 410 | RACHEL: What? |
| 411 | I can't do that. |
| 412 | I have the baby |
| 413 | and Ross is not going to pick her up for another hour. |
| 414 | Well, then Gavin can give the presentation, okay? |
| 415 | We have to do it now. |
| 416 | Ralph needs to leave early today. |
| 417 | He's going helicopter shopping. |
| 418 | All right, well, there you go, you win. |
| 419 | You win. You get to do the presentation. |
| 420 | You'll knock 'em dead. |
| 421 | No one will ever remember that I worked here. |
| 422 | And then Ralph will buy his helicopter |
| 423 | and Super Gavin will just fly right alongside of him. |
| 424 | You can do the presentation. |
| 425 | No, I can't. I have a baby. |
| 426 | I'll watch her. |
| 427 | Why would you do that? |
| 428 | Because you worked really hard |
| 429 | and it's your job and you're a little crazy. |
| 430 | ( voice breaking ): That's really nice. |
| 431 | I should tell you that crying women |
| 432 | make me very uncomfortable. |
| 433 | Well, you're not going to like what's coming. |
| 434 | ( sobbing ) |
| 435 | I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. |
| 436 | Thank you. |
| 437 | Thank you. |
| 438 | I'm really fine. |
| 439 | Don't worry, I'm great with children. |
| 440 | Gavin Mitchell. Pleased to meet you. |
| 441 | Please don't fire my friend. |
| 442 | Just let me talk to her. |
| 443 | Okay, okay, but this is her last chance. |
| 444 | Thank you, thank you. |
| 445 | How about I do something for you? |
| 446 | Tomorrow I'll bring you hat-- cover up the bald. |
| 447 | Hey, listen, Pheebs, I was just talking to the director |
| 448 | and he was thinking maybe this time |
| 449 | you don't hit Drake-- you just wait on the tables. |
| 450 | I can't do that. |
| 451 | I'm an actor. I have a process. |
| 452 | You're a masseuse. |
| 453 | You have a table with a hole in it. |
| 454 | Wait a minute, I see what's happening here. |
| 455 | You're threatened. |
| 456 | What? |
| 457 | Yeah, I'm so good in the scene |
| 458 | that I'm stealing focus from you. |
| 459 | Well, rise to the challenge, Tribbiani |
| 460 | 'cause I just raised the bar. |
| 461 | Come join me up here. |
| 462 | ( chuckling ) |
| 463 | Yeah, you can fire her |
| 464 | but I would call security. |
| 465 | She won't go easy. |
| 466 | You faked it? |
| 467 | You couldn't have faked it. |
| 468 | Oh, yes, you can. |
| 469 | You just make the faces and the noises. |
| 470 | Guys can fake it? |
| 471 | Unbelievable. |
| 472 | The one thing that's ours. |
| 473 | Besides, why would you fake it |
| 474 | when we're trying to have a baby? |
| 475 | Well, that's actually why. |
| 476 | Look, I'm starting a whole new career now. |
| 477 | And I'm not saying I don't want to have a baby. |
| 478 | I'm just saying, maybe we could wait a little while. |
| 479 | Like... like a month? |
| 480 | Or a year? |
| 481 | Really? You want to wait a year? |
| 482 | Well, it could be less than a year. |
| 483 | I mean, you've heard my stuff. |
| 484 | Pants... |
| 485 | like shorts, but longer. |
| 486 | It'll probably be more than a year. |
| 487 | Wow, I... really want to have a baby. |
| 488 | Yeah, me, too. |
| 489 | Look, I'll just get my old job back. |
| 490 | No, I want you to have a job that you love. |
| 491 | Not statistical analysis and data reconfiguration. |
| 492 | I quit and you learn what I do? |
| 493 | I just... I think there's never going to be |
| 494 | a right time to have a baby. |
| 495 | I mean, now you're unemployed |
| 496 | and in a little while, you'll find a new job |
| 497 | that'll keep you really busy. |
| 498 | There's always going to be a reason not to do this |
| 499 | but once the baby comes |
| 500 | we'll forget about all those reasons. |
| 501 | I guess. |
| 502 | I mean, it's always going to be scary |
| 503 | when we have a baby. |
| 504 | It's going to be really scary. |
| 505 | But I mean, God, when we have a baby |
| 506 | there's going to be so much that we're not able to control. |
| 507 | The apartment's going to be a mess. |
| 508 | I won't have time to clean it. |
| 509 | What if the baby gets into the ribbon drawer? |
| 510 | Messes up all the ribbons? |
| 511 | What if there's no room for a ribbon drawer |
| 512 | because the baby's stuff takes up all the space? |
| 513 | Where will all the ribbons go?! |
| 514 | Should we go make a baby right now before you change your mind? |
| 515 | Yes, please. |
| 516 | Oh, and I promise |
| 517 | I will not fake it this time. |
| 518 | I wish I could say the same. |
| 519 | I'm a little shook up. |
| 520 | I know you botched that operation on purpose. |
| 521 | I can't prove it yet |
| 522 | but when I do, you'll be going to jail for murder. |
| 523 | I don't care if you are my brother. |
| 524 | I'm not your brother. |
| 525 | What about my children, Drake, huh? |
| 526 | No! No! |
| 527 | No! |
| 528 | No! |
| 529 | God! |
| 530 | Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org |
| 531 | |
| 1 | Hey. |
| 2 | Hey. |
| 3 | Where's Mon? |
| 4 | She's at home putting up decorations |
| 5 | for Rachel's birthday party tonight. |
| 6 | And you're not helping? |
| 7 | I tried, but apparently singing "I Will Survive" |
| 8 | in a helium voice-- not helping. |
| 9 | Hey, you guys. |
| 10 | Hey, come on in. |
| 11 | ♪ Happy birth... ♪ |
| 12 | Shh! Don't say that loud. |
| 13 | Gunther's going to want to hug me. |
| 14 | Good news, everyone. |
| 15 | We finally found a nanny. |
| 16 | This is Molly. |
| 17 | Molly... Chandler, Joey. |
| 18 | Hi. |
| 19 | ( baby crying ) |
| 20 | Oops, somebody's getting a little fussy. |
| 21 | You're damn right I am. |
| 22 | I've been waiting for a cookie for seven minutes. |
| 23 | Okay. You know what? |
| 24 | I'm just going to take her outside. |
| 25 | No, you stay. I'll do it. |
| 26 | Okay, thank you. |
| 27 | Nice to meet you guys. |
| 28 | JOEY: Yeah, you, too. |
| 29 | Wow, Molly's just great. |
| 30 | Yes, bravo on the hot nanny. |
| 31 | What? |
| 32 | You really think she's hot? |
| 33 | Are you kidding? |
| 34 | If I wasn't married, she'd be rejecting me right now. |
| 35 | Joey? |
| 36 | How do you think she's doing? |
| 37 | Am I the only one |
| 38 | that doesn't think that she's hot, Ross? |
| 39 | Eh. I mean, I mean she's not unattractive |
| 40 | but, but, hot? Eh. |
| 41 | Thank you. |
| 42 | Now that Rachel's gone? |
| 43 | So hot, I cried myself to sleep last night. |
| 44 | ♪ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ♪ |
| 45 | ♪ Your job's a joke, you're broke ♪ |
| 46 | ♪ Your love life's D.O.A. ♪ |
| 47 | ♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪ |
| 48 | ♪ When it hasn't been your day, your week ♪ |
| 49 | ♪ Your month, or even your year ♪ |
| 50 | ♪ But I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 51 | ♪ When the rain starts to pour ♪ |
| 52 | ♪ I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 53 | ♪ Like I've been there before ♪ |
| 54 | ♪ I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 55 | ♪ 'Cause you're there for me, too. ♪ |
| 56 | Hey, Mike, what's the capital of Peru? |
| 57 | Lima. |
| 58 | No. |
| 59 | Um, it starts with a V and ends with an X |
| 60 | and hopefully with a T, O in the middle. |
| 61 | You know, come to think of it |
| 62 | the capital of Peru is VTOX. |
| 63 | What? Oh, God! |
| 64 | Okay, I don't want to freak you out or anything |
| 65 | but I think I just saw a rat in your cupboard. |
| 66 | Oh, yeah. No, that's Bob. |
| 67 | He's your pet rat? |
| 68 | Well, not so much a pet |
| 69 | as, you know, an occasional visitor |
| 70 | who I put food out for, you know. |
| 71 | Kind of like Santa. |
| 72 | Except Santa doesn't poop on the plate of cookies. |
| 73 | You can't keep a rat in your apartment. |
| 74 | They're extremely unsanitary. |
| 75 | They transmit leptospirosis and hantavirus. |
| 76 | What are those? |
| 77 | I don't know, but they don't |
| 78 | sound like spa treatments. |
| 79 | You have to get rid of it. |
| 80 | Okay, fine. |
| 81 | If it means that much to you, I'll get rid of Bob. |
| 82 | Thank you. |
| 83 | It's just so weird that you think he's so gross |
| 84 | yet you're willing to eat his crackers. |
| 85 | Hello. |
| 86 | Hello. |
| 87 | Gavin, I just want to say thank you again |
| 88 | for watching Emma yesterday during the presentation. |
| 89 | I really owe you an apology. |
| 90 | For what? |
| 91 | Well, when we first met, you know, |
| 92 | I thought you were pompous and arrogant and obnoxious. |
| 93 | Is this your first apology? |
| 94 | I just mean that, you know, |
| 95 | first impressions don't mean anything. |
| 96 | I think you're really a good guy |
| 97 | and I'm sorry that I misjudged you. |
| 98 | Good morning. |
| 99 | Hello. |
| 100 | But you know what? |
| 101 | Hey, new day, new leaf. |
| 102 | I am just really, really happy... |
| 103 | I'm sorry. |
| 104 | Obviously, Heather's ass has something |
| 105 | more important to say |
| 106 | so I'll just wait till it's finished. |
| 107 | What? |
| 108 | I was giving you an apology |
| 109 | and you were totally checking her out. |
| 110 | I wasn't checking her out. |
| 111 | I'm in fashion. I was looking at her skirt. |
| 112 | Or was it pants? |
| 113 | I didn't really see what happened below the ass area. |
| 114 | Oh, you are really, really a creep. |
| 115 | What do you even care if I was looking at her? |
| 116 | Are you jealous? |
| 117 | Oh, yeah, I'm jealous. |
| 118 | Oh, Gavin, please, please look at my ass. |
| 119 | Stop looking at my ass! |
| 120 | I mean, I just think |
| 121 | you are totally inappropriate, okay? |
| 122 | This is a work environment. |
| 123 | She's your subordinate. |
| 124 | But it was okay when you slept |
| 125 | with your old assistant Tag? |
| 126 | That is totally different, for two reasons: |
| 127 | One-- I didn't know that you knew that; |
| 128 | and two-- I wasn't some creep staring at his ass. |
| 129 | We had a, we had a deep, meaningful relationship. |
| 130 | Huh? What was Tag's last name? |
| 131 | It was... |
| 132 | Oh, my God. |
| 133 | He didn't, he didn't have a last name. |
| 134 | It was just Tag. |
| 135 | You know, like Cher or... |
| 136 | you know, Moses. |
| 137 | But it was a deep, meaningful relationship. |
| 138 | Oh, you know what? |
| 139 | My first impression of you was absolutely right. |
| 140 | You are arrogant, you are pompous. |
| 141 | Morgan! Morgan! Tag's last name was Morgan! Ha! |
| 142 | It was Jones. |
| 143 | What are you, his boyfriend? |
| 144 | Man, I wish I had a nanny like you. |
| 145 | You mean, when you were a baby? |
| 146 | Sure. |
| 147 | Would you stop staring at her? |
| 148 | I wasn't staring. |
| 149 | I was leering. |
| 150 | What's the big deal with her? |
| 151 | Maybe she's attractive in an obvious kind of way. |
| 152 | Yeah, obvious beauty's the worst. |
| 153 | You know, when it's right there in your face? |
| 154 | Me, I like to have to work to find someone attractive. |
| 155 | Makes me feel like I earned it. |
| 156 | Looks like Joey's doing all right with her. |
| 157 | Yeah. Hey that was nice of you guys to back off |
| 158 | and let Joey get the girl for once. |
| 159 | I'm going to take her back to the apartment. |
| 160 | Okay, I'll be home right after work. |
| 161 | Okay. |
| 162 | Okay, bye, Emma wemma demma. |
| 163 | I luvvy wuvvy duv you. |
| 164 | Bye. Bye. |
| 165 | They elected me to talk to you about the baby talk. |
| 166 | It's not so good. |
| 167 | I think it's sweet. |
| 168 | ALL: Bye, Emma wemma demma! |
| 169 | Hey, listen, Joey, about Molly. |
| 170 | I would really prefer if you didn't go after her. |
| 171 | Why not? |
| 172 | Because it took us months to find a good nanny |
| 173 | and I wouldn't want anything to, you know, drive her away. |
| 174 | So, what, you think I'm just going to sleep with her |
| 175 | and never call her again |
| 176 | and things are going to get uncomfortable? |
| 177 | Yeah, that sounds about right. |
| 178 | Come on. |
| 179 | There are plenty of other women out there, okay? |
| 180 | Just forget about her, okay? |
| 181 | She's off-limits. |
| 182 | Oh, man. Why'd you have to go and say that for? |
| 183 | Now that you told me I can't have her |
| 184 | it makes me want her even more. |
| 185 | What are you, a child? |
| 186 | Yes. |
| 187 | Joey, come on now. |
| 188 | For me, please? |
| 189 | Just try to focus your sexual energy on someone else. |
| 190 | All right. |
| 191 | Take me home. |
| 192 | Hey, Mikey. |
| 193 | Hey, Pheeb. |
| 194 | What are you doing? |
| 195 | Setting rat traps. |
| 196 | To kill Bob? |
| 197 | No, no. To test his neck strength. |
| 198 | But no, Mike, I don't want to kill him. |
| 199 | I thought we were just going to capture him |
| 200 | and, you know, set him free in the countryside |
| 201 | where he could maybe meet, you know, a friendly possum |
| 202 | and a wisecracking owl. |
| 203 | Okay, okay. |
| 204 | I'll throw away the traps. |
| 205 | All right. I'll find Bob. |
| 206 | I'll get him. |
| 207 | Bob? |
| 208 | Bob?! |
| 209 | Robert! |
| 210 | ( squeaking ) |
| 211 | Oh, wait. I think I hear him. |
| 212 | Oh, my God! Bob had babies! |
| 213 | Bob's a mom! |
| 214 | We'll have to think of a new name for her. |
| 215 | Oh, I don't know. |
| 216 | I kind of like "Bob" for a girl. |
| 217 | I'm not sure... |
| 218 | ( loud snap ) |
| 219 | Oh, my God, we killed Bob? |
| 220 | Well, maybe it wasn't Bob. |
| 221 | Maybe it was a mouse. |
| 222 | Suzy?! |
| 223 | Wassup! |
| 224 | Seriously, dude, three years ago. |
| 225 | Okay. |
| 226 | Listen, can you do me a favor? |
| 227 | I'm going to be out today. |
| 228 | Can you just keep an eye on Joey? |
| 229 | Make sure nothing happens between him and Molly? |
| 230 | You don't trust him? |
| 231 | No. |
| 232 | Some woman who sounded a lot like Joey called earlier |
| 233 | and asked for her daughter, "The hot nanny." |
| 234 | Is this really your long-term plan |
| 235 | for me to run interference? |
| 236 | Because I could get a job any day now. |
| 237 | You do appear right on the cusp of something. |
| 238 | Look, come on, man. |
| 239 | I'm sure he'll lose interest in a week or two |
| 240 | but for now, could you please just do this for me? |
| 241 | All right, fine. |
| 242 | But don't blame me if it doesn't work. |
| 243 | 'Cause you know as well as I do |
| 244 | once Joey sets him mind on something |
| 245 | more often than not, he's going to have sex with it. |
| 246 | Well, we got to do something, okay? |
| 247 | Nannies like her don't grow on trees. |
| 248 | Picturing that tree? |
| 249 | I am, yes. |
| 250 | Where you going, Joe? |
| 251 | For a walk. |
| 252 | Oh, you mind if join you? |
| 253 | Actually, I'd rather be alone, you know? |
| 254 | I really need to organize my thoughts. |
| 255 | Your thoughts? |
| 256 | Plural? |
| 257 | All right, fine. |
| 258 | I only have one thought. |
| 259 | It's about the hot nanny! |
| 260 | I got to see her! |
| 261 | I'm afraid I can't let you do that, Joe. |
| 262 | Now you're telling me I can't see her. |
| 263 | You guys are killing me. |
| 264 | She's forbidden fruit. |
| 265 | It's like, like... |
| 266 | like she's the princess and I'm the stable boy. |
| 267 | Why are you doing this, huh? |
| 268 | Did Ross tell you not to let me go over there? |
| 269 | Yes, as a matter of fact he did |
| 270 | so I can't let you go. |
| 271 | Huh, interesting. |
| 272 | Now there are obstacles. |
| 273 | Hot nanny and me against the world. |
| 274 | This is the kind of stuff great novels are made of. |
| 275 | Great novels? |
| 276 | Fine. Mediocre porn. |
| 277 | ( phone rings ) |
| 278 | Gavin Mitchell's office. |
| 279 | Rachel Green's office. |
| 280 | Give me that phone. |
| 281 | Hello, this is Rachel Green. |
| 282 | How can I help you? |
| 283 | Uh-huh. Okay then. |
| 284 | I'll pass you back to your son. |
| 285 | Hey, Mom. |
| 286 | No, that's just my secretary. |
| 287 | Um, excuse me, Gavin. |
| 288 | I have a question I need to ask you. |
| 289 | Mom, I'll call you later. |
| 290 | Yes? |
| 291 | If you like looking at butts so much |
| 292 | why don't you just go look in a mirror? |
| 293 | Thank God, you finally said that. |
| 294 | I saw you make a note on your pad three hours ago. |
| 295 | You know what? |
| 296 | Man, I really bug you, don't I? |
| 297 | Oh, no, please. |
| 298 | I don't care about you enough to bug me. |
| 299 | In fact, from now on, I'm going to take the high road |
| 300 | and I'm going to be very, very nice to you |
| 301 | you mama's boy, starting right now. |
| 302 | ( knocking ) |
| 303 | Hey, Rach. |
| 304 | Hey, you ready for your birthday lunch? |
| 305 | I am, I am. |
| 306 | Oh, but first, Monica |
| 307 | I would like to introduce you |
| 308 | to my very talented colleague |
| 309 | and more importantly, |
| 310 | my wonderful friend, Gavin Mitchell. |
| 311 | Pleased to meet you. |
| 312 | Pleased to meet you. |
| 313 | So are you coming to Rachel's party tonight? |
| 314 | Oh, no, no, no. Gavin can't. |
| 315 | He already has plans. |
| 316 | Most likely with his mother. |
| 317 | Well, I don't mind. I'll cancel them. |
| 318 | I would never miss my secretary's birthday. |
| 319 | ( hushed ): God! Why did you invite him?! |
| 320 | I can't stand that guy! |
| 321 | You were just being so nice to him. |
| 322 | I was faking it. |
| 323 | Can't you tell when I'm being fake? |
| 324 | Hey, Mr. Phillips. Nice suit. |
| 325 | Right there! That was so fake! |
| 326 | Shh... shh! |
| 327 | Oh, hi. |
| 328 | I still can't believe you invited Gavin. |
| 329 | I mean, he is just the last person I want to see. |
| 330 | Well, you're welcome for the party. |
| 331 | I'm glad you're having a good time. |
| 332 | God, I hope he doesn't show up. |
| 333 | Of course he's not going to show up. |
| 334 | The guys hates me. |
| 335 | Does he? |
| 336 | What? |
| 337 | Maybe he keeps bothering you so much |
| 338 | because he likes you. |
| 339 | Like in first grade when Skippy Lange |
| 340 | would always push me on the playground |
| 341 | because he secretly had a crush on me. |
| 342 | Oh, Monica, you think Skippy liked you? |
| 343 | Honey, all those boys had a bet |
| 344 | to see if he could knock you over. |
| 345 | She' out. I'm going to take her home. |
| 346 | Oh, okay, thank you. |
| 347 | Bye, sweetheart. |
| 348 | Do you see what all the guys see in her? |
| 349 | Wouldn't kick her out of bed. |
| 350 | No more vodka for me. |
| 351 | Hey, Rach. Yeah. |
| 352 | So can I sing "Happy Birthday" to you now? |
| 353 | Yeah, sure. |
| 354 | Ah, all right. |
| 355 | ♪ Happy birth... ♪ |
| 356 | See you later. |
| 357 | Hey, Rach. Yeah? |
| 358 | Somebody got you shoes. |
| 359 | Oh, gimme! |
| 360 | Wow! Wow... |
| 361 | ( screams ) |
| 362 | Oh, my God! |
| 363 | Careful, careful. |
| 364 | These are my rat babies. |
| 365 | Yeah, we have rat babies now. |
| 366 | Oh, you brought rats to my birthday party? |
| 367 | So this is what a stroke feels like. |
| 368 | I had to bring them. |
| 369 | We killed their mother. |
| 370 | They're our responsibility now. |
| 371 | You know, they require constant care. |
| 372 | You should know that, Rachel. |
| 373 | You're a mother. |
| 374 | Are you comparing my daughter to a rat? |
| 375 | No, seven rats. |
| 376 | I think we should take them home. |
| 377 | We need to feed them. |
| 378 | You're going to leave my party to take care of a box of rats? |
| 379 | I'm sorry, Rachel, but I'm not like you, okay? |
| 380 | Not everyone can afford help. |
| 381 | Hey, where the hell are Joey and Molly? |
| 382 | I asked you to watch them. |
| 383 | ( helium voice ): I'm sorry. I got a little preoccupied. |
| 384 | Look, we have to stop them before something happens. |
| 385 | Right behind you, big guy. |
| 386 | So, you see, Molly, what people don't understand |
| 387 | is that acting is a discipline. |
| 388 | It takes a lot of hard work. |
| 389 | So where'd you study? |
| 390 | Oh, I didn't go to college. |
| 391 | No, where'd you study acting? |
| 392 | Molly... people don't study acting. |
| 393 | ROSS: Molly, uh... |
| 394 | uh, do you mind giving us just a minute? |
| 395 | Sure. I'll go check on Emma. |
| 396 | Thanks. |
| 397 | Will the stable boy never get the princess? |
| 398 | So, what? |
| 399 | What did you think you were going to do, huh |
| 400 | have sex with her right here on my couch? |
| 401 | No. |
| 402 | The leather sticks to my ass. |
| 403 | This isn't fair. |
| 404 | What makes you think |
| 405 | that I'm just going to sleep with her |
| 406 | and then blow her off, huh? |
| 407 | Can't you guys open your minds |
| 408 | to the possibility that I actually like her |
| 409 | and might want something real? |
| 410 | Look, the truth is |
| 411 | I haven't felt this way about anyone since Rachel. |
| 412 | I didn't think I could ever love again. |
| 413 | Come on! Joey! |
| 414 | All right. |
| 415 | ( knocking ) |
| 416 | Hi. |
| 417 | Is Molly here? |
| 418 | Uh, yeah, yeah. Come on in. Molly. |
| 419 | Oh, hey. |
| 420 | Guys, this is Tabitha. |
| 421 | I'll see you tomorrow. |
| 422 | Okay. |
| 423 | Uh, well, Joey, I... I guess we have no problem. |
| 424 | It's like my favorite fairy tale come true. |
| 425 | The princess, the stable boy and the lesbian. |
| 426 | Okay, you start preparing the formula |
| 427 | and I'll start changing the box |
| 428 | and then we've got to put them straight to bed. |
| 429 | Hey, when did we become one of those couples |
| 430 | whose lives revolve around their rats? |
| 431 | Well, you know what, they're our responsibility now. |
| 432 | Okay, fine. |
| 433 | These rats are our responsibility. |
| 434 | But what happens when they mate and there are hundreds of them? |
| 435 | Mate? They're all brothers and sisters. |
| 436 | Yeah, not such a problem with rats. |
| 437 | They're more of a "love the one your with" |
| 438 | kind of animal. |
| 439 | No. Really? |
| 440 | Oh, get off your sister! |
| 441 | Ew. |
| 442 | Oh, my God, what are we going to do? |
| 443 | We have seven rats. |
| 444 | Mm-hmm. |
| 445 | So what if... what if each of them has seven rats |
| 446 | and then each of those has seven rats? |
| 447 | That's like... |
| 448 | That's math I can't even do. |
| 449 | What are we going to do? |
| 450 | I know this is going to sound crazy-- |
| 451 | but we could not let the box of rats ruin our lives. |
| 452 | Yeah, okay. I guess you're right. |
| 453 | All right, so we should just give them away. |
| 454 | But to nice families, with children |
| 455 | and Reduced Fat Wheat Thins. |
| 456 | Those are Bob's favorite. |
| 457 | It's going to be okay. |
| 458 | You must think I'm crazy. |
| 459 | No, I think you're sweet. |
| 460 | Good. |
| 461 | It's just so hard. |
| 462 | It's hard for me to let them go. |
| 463 | I guess it just brings back memories |
| 464 | you know from... |
| 465 | when I gave birth to my brother's triplets |
| 466 | and I had to give them up. |
| 467 | I haven't told you about that yet, have I? |
| 468 | Hey. |
| 469 | Hi. |
| 470 | Thanks for the party, honey. |
| 471 | Should I help you clean up? |
| 472 | No, way. |
| 473 | You had your party, now I have mine. |
| 474 | Is everything all right? |
| 475 | Yeah, I just get a little bummed |
| 476 | when my birthday's over. |
| 477 | Well, at least you have one thing to be happy about. |
| 478 | Hmm? |
| 479 | That jerk Gavin from your office |
| 480 | didn't show up. |
| 481 | Yeah, I hate him. |
| 482 | Oh, we weren't talking about you. |
| 483 | No. No way to recover. |
| 484 | Uh-uh. |
| 485 | Okay. |
| 486 | Fun party. |
| 487 | Well, it was. |
| 488 | And you would have seen it |
| 489 | if you didn't show up at... |
| 490 | 9:30? |
| 491 | God, this party was lame. |
| 492 | Again, you're welcome. |
| 493 | Look, I'll just give you this and go. |
| 494 | Oh, you bought me a present. Why? |
| 495 | Let me explain how birthday parties usually work. |
| 496 | There are presents and a cake |
| 497 | perhaps a fourth or fifth person. |
| 498 | No. Okay.... |
| 499 | I got you the present to make up for being |
| 500 | such a jerk to you. |
| 501 | Ah. |
| 502 | Well, okay, well, that's very nice. |
| 503 | And you wrote a card. |
| 504 | "From Gavin." |
| 505 | I really mean it. |
| 506 | Oh. Oh. |
| 507 | Oh, it's beautiful. |
| 508 | If you don't mind, let me... |
| 509 | Well... |
| 510 | what do you know? It fits. |
| 511 | See, Gavin, you're capable of being a nice guy. |
| 512 | Why do you give me such a hard time? |
| 513 | I'm not sure. |
| 514 | Well, Monica seems to think |
| 515 | it's because you have feelings for me. |
| 516 | I do have feelings for you. |
| 517 | You do? |
| 518 | Yes, I feel that you're a little annoying. |
| 519 | See, why, Gavin, why? |
| 520 | Right when I'm about to change my opinion of you |
| 521 | you go and you... |
| 522 | ...and you do that. |
| 523 | ( helium voice ): ♪ First I was afraid ♪ |
| 524 | ♪ I was petrified... ♪ |
| 525 | Hey. |
| 526 | Listen, I think I left something here. |
| 527 | Oh, well |
| 528 | somebody left this. |
| 529 | Is this yours? |
| 530 | Ooh, no, but I like it. |
| 531 | No, I think I left one of rat babies. |
| 532 | Oh, uh, no, I haven't seen it |
| 533 | but if I do, I'll let you know. |
| 534 | Rat baby! |
| 535 | Rat baby! Rat baby! |
| 536 | Rat baby! |
| 537 | Oh, maybe that's him. |
| 538 | Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org |
| 539 | |
| 1 | Hey. |
| 2 | Yeah. Oh... yeah, okay. Sure. |
| 3 | Look, can we, can we talk |
| 4 | about what happened here last night? |
| 5 | Sure, just give me a second |
| 6 | to get all huffy and weird like you. |
| 7 | Hmm. |
| 8 | Do you believe that whoever did something |
| 9 | over here last night did what they did or didn't do? |
| 10 | I mean, come on! |
| 11 | Oh, okay, you really... |
| 12 | you really don't know what I'm talking about? |
| 13 | No. |
| 14 | Okay. Last night, |
| 15 | after the party, I saw Rachel |
| 16 | kissing that jerk from her office out on your balcony. |
| 17 | Our balcony? |
| 18 | Seriously? |
| 19 | That's so funny because I told Monica |
| 20 | we should put lights on our balcony, |
| 21 | and she said "No, no, it's too cold. |
| 22 | Nobody'll go out there." |
| 23 | And I said, "Maybe |
| 24 | if we put some lights out there, they will." |
| 25 | Right, that's what I came over to talk about. |
| 26 | Um, I saw Rachel kissing some guy on your balcony |
| 27 | even though there were no lights. |
| 28 | ( sighs ) |
| 29 | So are you going talk to her? |
| 30 | What? Why? Why should I? |
| 31 | I mean, if she wants to move on, that's fine. |
| 32 | You know when "that's fine" sounds true? |
| 33 | When someone yells it and spits. |
| 34 | No, I'm, I'm serious. |
| 35 | I mean, if she wants to date people, I... |
| 36 | Fine, I don't care, but she... |
| 37 | at least she could have told me. |
| 38 | You know, I-I've been putting my life on hold |
| 39 | and just concentrating on Emma. |
| 40 | But if she wants to go out there |
| 41 | kissing guys she barely knows, well, then, so will I. |
| 42 | Very funny. |
| 43 | Ross is gay. |
| 44 | Ha, ha. |
| 45 | Oh, no, no. |
| 46 | Good. So you're moving on. |
| 47 | Do you have any idea where you're moving on to? |
| 48 | I don't know. |
| 49 | I've got plenty of opportunities. |
| 50 | I mean, just, just now |
| 51 | just now there was some woman |
| 52 | at the coffeehouse smiled at me. |
| 53 | And then, uh, the other day on the subway, |
| 54 | a woman "accidentally" sat on my hand. |
| 55 | Dude, don't rub my face in your crazy single life. |
| 56 | Well, and then, how about this? |
| 57 | There's an anthropologist at school |
| 58 | who totally came on to me |
| 59 | during the interdepartmental pot luck dinner. |
| 60 | Why did I get married?! |
| 61 | ♪ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ♪ |
| 62 | ♪ Your job's a joke, you're broke ♪ |
| 63 | ♪ Your love life's D.O.A. ♪ |
| 64 | ♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪ |
| 65 | ♪ When it hasn't been your day, your week ♪ |
| 66 | ♪ Your month, or even your year ♪ |
| 67 | ♪ But I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 68 | ♪ When the rain starts to pour ♪ |
| 69 | ♪ I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 70 | ♪ Like I've been there before ♪ |
| 71 | ♪ I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 72 | ♪ 'Cause you're there for me, too. ♪ |
| 73 | Hey, uh... |
| 74 | let me ask you guys something. |
| 75 | I'm having new headshots taken tomorrow, right? |
| 76 | And the photographer said that she thinks |
| 77 | I should have my eyebrows waxed. |
| 78 | Is that weird for a guy? |
| 79 | Well, it depends. |
| 80 | On? |
| 81 | On how far along he is |
| 82 | in the sex change process. |
| 83 | No, I totally disagree. |
| 84 | No, I think it's fine |
| 85 | for a guy to do something like that. |
| 86 | Especially an actor. |
| 87 | I mean, not that you need to. |
| 88 | Your eyebrows are... |
| 89 | What? Okay, stop it, you guys. |
| 90 | Stop staring. You're freaking me out. |
| 91 | Wow, your knuckles are kind of hairy, too. |
| 92 | Oh, man, now, I have to get those done, too? |
| 93 | Wow. Talk about high maintenance. |
| 94 | Hey, hey, hey. You dye your hair. |
| 95 | I'm a woman. |
| 96 | Ah, double standards. |
| 97 | Oh, before I forget, |
| 98 | are you coming to Mike's piano bar tonight? |
| 99 | Only if I don't have to get up and sing. |
| 100 | But everybody sings. |
| 101 | It's so much fun. |
| 102 | Last time this adorable old man got up there. |
| 103 | Forgot all the words, flipped out, |
| 104 | everyone booed him off the stage. |
| 105 | It was so funny. |
| 106 | I'm just, I'm not good at singing. |
| 107 | Oh, what's the matter? |
| 108 | You scared? |
| 109 | Huh? You afraid I'm a better singer? |
| 110 | You afraid I'm going to beat you at singing? |
| 111 | Nope, nope. It's not working on me. |
| 112 | Wow. |
| 113 | I must be growing up. |
| 114 | Okay, fine. |
| 115 | Just please come and support Mike. |
| 116 | You don't have to sing. |
| 117 | Okay, so I don't have to sing, |
| 118 | and I can just sit there and pass judgment on others? |
| 119 | While drinking. |
| 120 | Ha! I'm there. |
| 121 | Hi, you guys. |
| 122 | Listen, I really need your help. |
| 123 | I think I did something really stupid. |
| 124 | Well, yes, Rachel, but you got something |
| 125 | so beautiful out of it. |
| 126 | No, not that! |
| 127 | You guys, I kissed Gavin last night. |
| 128 | Oh, my God! You kissed him? |
| 129 | Yep. It was after the party. We were on the balcony, and... |
| 130 | Wait, wait, wait. I was at home the whole time. |
| 131 | How did I miss that? |
| 132 | Well, it was the end of the party. |
| 133 | You were probably ironing wrapping paper. |
| 134 | Oh, yeah. |
| 135 | So how did you end up kissing? |
| 136 | Well, we were all alone, and he was being really nice to me... |
| 137 | and oh, and he gave me this scarf. |
| 138 | I thought you hated him. |
| 139 | Well, you know, honey, |
| 140 | there is a thin line between love and hate, |
| 141 | and, uh, it turns out that line is a scarf. |
| 142 | So are you thinking |
| 143 | of starting something up with this guy? |
| 144 | I don't know. It's so complicated. |
| 145 | I work with this guy, you know? |
| 146 | I have the baby, and I have Ross |
| 147 | and I just, I don't know what to do |
| 148 | and I have to be at the office and see Gavin in ten minutes. |
| 149 | Wow. |
| 150 | Sounds like you need to think about what you want |
| 151 | and talk to Gavin, and you definitely should talk to Ross. |
| 152 | Or... |
| 153 | I could call in sick and not deal with it at all. |
| 154 | Wow. |
| 155 | Five month's maternity leave, you're back for four days |
| 156 | kiss a coworker and call in sick. |
| 157 | They are lucky to have you. |
| 158 | Hi. |
| 159 | Hi. |
| 160 | I, uh, I'm here |
| 161 | for my eyebrow appointment. |
| 162 | Name? |
| 163 | Chandler Bing. |
| 164 | Okay, very good. |
| 165 | Have a seat right over here, Mr. Bing, |
| 166 | and Sonya will be right with you. |
| 167 | Okay, thanks. |
| 168 | Mm-hmm. |
| 169 | Ooh. |
| 170 | Ooh, ooh, ooh. |
| 171 | Ooh. Ooh. |
| 172 | Uh-oh. |
| 173 | I, uh, I touched the stuff. |
| 174 | I'll take care of it. |
| 175 | Thanks. |
| 176 | So do you, uh... |
| 177 | do you get a lot of guys in here? |
| 178 | Oh, absolutely. |
| 179 | Oh, good. |
| 180 | Yeah. You looking to meet somebody? |
| 181 | All right, let's just do this, okay? |
| 182 | Okay, uh, we'll get to the wax in minute. |
| 183 | First, I want to tweeze some of the strays, okay? |
| 184 | Now, this may sting just a little bit... |
| 185 | Please, I have an extremely high threshold for... |
| 186 | Holy Mother of God! |
| 187 | Oh! My face! |
| 188 | My face! Oh! |
| 189 | Hah. |
| 190 | I'm all right. I'm all right. |
| 191 | I'm all right. |
| 192 | Just a, uh, bit of a shock is all... |
| 193 | but, uh, I'll be fine. |
| 194 | You can go again, I'm okay. |
| 195 | Okay. |
| 196 | Sorry. |
| 197 | Damn it, woman! |
| 198 | Ow! |
| 199 | Ow! |
| 200 | Ow, ow! |
| 201 | Oh! |
| 202 | Oh, ow... |
| 203 | Okay, okay. |
| 204 | Hey. |
| 205 | Hey, it's the most eligible man in New York. |
| 206 | How's the moving on going? |
| 207 | Not well. |
| 208 | I went on the subway again, and someone did sit on my hand, |
| 209 | but that person was neither female nor wearing pants. |
| 210 | Well, maybe you're going about this the wrong way. |
| 211 | You know, I mean think about it. |
| 212 | Single white male, divorced three times, |
| 213 | two illegitimate children. |
| 214 | The personal ad writes itself. |
| 215 | You know, that's funny. |
| 216 | Yeah, do you, so do you think you'll ever work again? |
| 217 | What are you doing? |
| 218 | You know I can only dish it out. |
| 219 | I can't believe Rachel just moved on |
| 220 | and-and didn't say anything to me. |
| 221 | Look, maybe she didn't move on, you know? |
| 222 | I mean, maybe that kiss was just an impulsive |
| 223 | one-time birthday thing. |
| 224 | No. About a month ago |
| 225 | she gave her number to some guy in a bar. |
| 226 | Did she go out with him? |
| 227 | No. When he called, I threw the message away. |
| 228 | Ah, the high road. |
| 229 | All right, you know what? Enough, enough talking. |
| 230 | I, I have to get moving. |
| 231 | Hey, check out those two blondes over there. |
| 232 | Hey, come with me. |
| 233 | Are you trying to get everybody divorced? |
| 234 | Come on. You don't have to do anything. |
| 235 | It'll just be easier if it's the two of us. |
| 236 | Like college, remember? |
| 237 | First, you, uh, break the ice with some kind of a joke |
| 238 | so they know you're the funny one, then I swoop in |
| 239 | with some interesting conversation |
| 240 | so they'll see that I'm the brilliant, brooding sexy one. |
| 241 | I thought I got to make the jokes. |
| 242 | Don't you have to be at work? |
| 243 | Oh, come on! |
| 244 | Ah, hello. |
| 245 | Hi. |
| 246 | Uh, my name's Chandler. |
| 247 | This is my friend Ross right here. |
| 248 | Hi. |
| 249 | And, uh, we were wondering, |
| 250 | you know, if you're up for it. |
| 251 | We only need six more people for a human pyramid. |
| 252 | Swoop, swoop! |
| 253 | Uh, so, um... |
| 254 | Oh, hey, I notice you're reading the paper. |
| 255 | Uh, another flood in Europe, huh? |
| 256 | Um, here's a question. |
| 257 | Would you, would you rather drown or be burned alive? |
| 258 | Uh, sorry. |
| 259 | We're just leaving. |
| 260 | Okay. |
| 261 | We still got it. |
| 262 | ( knock at door ) |
| 263 | Who is it? |
| 264 | Gavin. |
| 265 | I brought you some soup. |
| 266 | Why? |
| 267 | Uh, uh, I heard you were sick. |
| 268 | Oh, right. |
| 269 | Yeah. Hold on, let me just clean up |
| 270 | in here a little bit. |
| 271 | ( weakly ): Hello, Gavin. |
| 272 | I missed you at work today. How you feeling? |
| 273 | I'm not going to lie to you. |
| 274 | I'm pretty sick. |
| 275 | Oh, good, because I was having a totally paranoid moment |
| 276 | where I thought you called in sick to avoid me. |
| 277 | Oh, no, no, no, no. |
| 278 | ( coughs ) |
| 279 | No. |
| 280 | So... I had fun last night. |
| 281 | So did I. |
| 282 | Exactly how contagious is this thing you have? |
| 283 | I mean, is it a cold from standing on the balcony |
| 284 | or did a monkey bite ya? |
| 285 | It's just a cold. |
| 286 | You have a fever? |
| 287 | Let me see. |
| 288 | Mm. |
| 289 | Mmm... |
| 290 | Um... |
| 291 | What? What is it? What's the matter? |
| 292 | What's Ross doing to you in that picture? |
| 293 | Oh, he's dusting me with a fossil brush. |
| 294 | He thought it would be funny. |
| 295 | Right. |
| 296 | Right. |
| 297 | Ross. |
| 298 | Yeah. |
| 299 | So what's the deal with you guys? |
| 300 | I don't want to get in the middle of anything. |
| 301 | Oh... you're not. You're not. |
| 302 | You're not getting in the middle of anything. |
| 303 | Don't worry about Ross. Really, really... |
| 304 | Oh, hide! That's Ross. |
| 305 | Hide. |
| 306 | Hide, hide. |
| 307 | Yeah, but you said not to worry about... |
| 308 | I lied, and I'm not sick either. |
| 309 | Just stay behind the curtain! |
| 310 | Hi. |
| 311 | Oh, Molly. |
| 312 | You're not Ross. |
| 313 | No. I'm here to take Emma to your mother's, remember? |
| 314 | Right. Yes, yes. |
| 315 | Don't panic. |
| 316 | What? |
| 317 | There's a man behind your curtain. |
| 318 | I have mace in my purse... |
| 319 | No, that's okay, that's okay... |
| 320 | No, no, no, no, no, no. |
| 321 | This is my business associate Gavin. |
| 322 | He's just being silly. |
| 323 | Gavin, come out from behind the curtain, you silly... |
| 324 | Hi. |
| 325 | Gavin. Pleased to meet you. |
| 326 | It was my idea to stand there. |
| 327 | Well, hello. |
| 328 | I'll, uh, I'll just go get Emma. |
| 329 | Okay. |
| 330 | ( clears throat ) |
| 331 | So, um... |
| 332 | why did I have to hide? |
| 333 | I thought it was Ross. |
| 334 | So what if it was? |
| 335 | I thought there was nothing going on between you two. |
| 336 | There isn't. |
| 337 | There totally isn't. |
| 338 | You hear keys in the hall and you jump like a young bronco |
| 339 | coming out of the chute for the first time. |
| 340 | I used to be a rodeo clown. |
| 341 | Wow. |
| 342 | Uh, all right, look. |
| 343 | Gavin... |
| 344 | I... |
| 345 | I guess I-I felt guilty that you were here. |
| 346 | Which I shouldn't. |
| 347 | You know, Ross and I are not in a relationship. |
| 348 | But... |
| 349 | he is the father of my child. |
| 350 | And you know, we-we do live together |
| 351 | and plus there's just so much history, you know? |
| 352 | It's just... I, I don't know. |
| 353 | I'm sorry. |
| 354 | I-I'm just all over the place. |
| 355 | It's okay. |
| 356 | Now, I know it's probably not my place, |
| 357 | but can I give you a piece of advice? |
| 358 | Yes. |
| 359 | I think you should talk to Ross about all this. |
| 360 | People keep saying that. |
| 361 | Oh, I'm sorry, Gavin. |
| 362 | Don't be. |
| 363 | It's just bad timing. |
| 364 | Mm. |
| 365 | So seriously, rodeo clown? |
| 366 | One of the best, ma'am, one of the best. |
| 367 | ( piano playing "We Are the Champions" ) |
| 368 | ♪ No time for ♪ |
| 369 | ♪ Losers, 'cause we are the champions ♪ |
| 370 | ♪ Of the world! ♪ |
| 371 | Oh, she's my girlfriend. |
| 372 | That's not just how we do it here. |
| 373 | Uh, all right, I'm going to take a little break |
| 374 | and, uh, when we come back, |
| 375 | we've got Kenneth singing "I Touch Myself." |
| 376 | I'm not here to judge. |
| 377 | ( giggles ) |
| 378 | Oh, you have got to sing. |
| 379 | No, I told you I can't. |
| 380 | But you would have so much fun! |
| 381 | And you have a really nice voice. |
| 382 | When have you heard me sing? |
| 383 | All the time when you're cooking. |
| 384 | What? |
| 385 | Yeah, you're always singing |
| 386 | "Yummy, yummy, yummy, I've got love in my tummy." |
| 387 | Yeah, I do rock that one. |
| 388 | Okay, so isn't there just a little part of you |
| 389 | that wants to get up there? |
| 390 | Oh, just a little. |
| 391 | But it's just, God, it's so scary. |
| 392 | I mean, I don't even know what I would sing. |
| 393 | Well, I've got a book around... |
| 394 | "Delta Dawn." |
| 395 | Hi. I, uh, I couldn't help but notice, uh, but that's |
| 396 | that's an unusual necklace. |
| 397 | You already hit on me an hour ago. |
| 398 | Right. |
| 399 | So that's a firm no. |
| 400 | I don't believe this. |
| 401 | I just keep striking out. |
| 402 | I don't get it either. |
| 403 | I mean, you're obviously desperate. |
| 404 | You're asking women how they want to be killed. |
| 405 | Oh, this is great. |
| 406 | Rachel's going to keep kissing guys |
| 407 | until she find the one she wants, |
| 408 | and I'm, I'm going to die alone. |
| 409 | By drowning, or... |
| 410 | Why would he break up with me? |
| 411 | Oh, I don't know, sweety. |
| 412 | All I ever wanted was to just love him |
| 413 | and have him love me back. |
| 414 | I mean, am I so unlovable? |
| 415 | ( sobs ) |
| 416 | Wow. |
| 417 | I know! |
| 418 | ( piano plays ending flourish) |
| 419 | MIKE: All right. |
| 420 | That was Kenneth |
| 421 | with his much too literal rendition of "I Touch Myself." |
| 422 | Coming up next, we've got Monica singing "Delta Dawn." |
| 423 | Oh, wait, wait. |
| 424 | I can't sing in front of all these people. |
| 425 | Well, just pretend they're not even here. |
| 426 | It's okay. |
| 427 | Monica, once that spotlight hits you, |
| 428 | it's so bright, you won't see anyone anyway. |
| 429 | Oh... |
| 430 | Hi, I'm Monica |
| 431 | and I'm going to be singing "Delta Dawn." |
| 432 | ( applause ) |
| 433 | Ooh! |
| 434 | ♪ Delta Dawn, what's that flower you have on? ♪ |
| 435 | ♪ Could it be a faded rose from days gone by? ♪ |
| 436 | Can you totally see through her shirt? |
| 437 | Like an X ray. |
| 438 | ( men cheering and applauding ) |
| 439 | Bad day not to wear a bra. |
| 440 | ♪ ...Take you to that mansion in the sky ♪ |
| 441 | ♪ She's 41, and... ♪ |
| 442 | Hey. |
| 443 | I need your help. |
| 444 | Wow, it seems serious. |
| 445 | What seems to be the problem, Ashley Judd? |
| 446 | Okay, look-- I'm getting new headshots taken, all right? |
| 447 | So I went to get my eyebrows shaped.... |
| 448 | I'm sorry. |
| 449 | Moment to make fun of that, please. |
| 450 | Okay, I may be a sissy, but I'll still pound you into the ground. |
| 451 | Okay, all right, look. |
| 452 | It hurt so bad, |
| 453 | I could only let her do one eyebrow and now... |
| 454 | they don't match! |
| 455 | Huh? |
| 456 | It's like a baby caterpillar chasing its mama. |
| 457 | All right, all right, look. |
| 458 | You've got to help me out, okay? |
| 459 | Look I have a magic marker. |
| 460 | I want you to fill in the skinny one |
| 461 | so I don't look stupid for my pictures. |
| 462 | Okay, first of all, this is green. |
| 463 | Oh! |
| 464 | Well, what the hell am I supposed to do? |
| 465 | All right, I will help you out |
| 466 | but you have to promise me |
| 467 | you will not tell anyone what I am about to tell you. |
| 468 | What? What? |
| 469 | Okay. |
| 470 | You know how most kids get their allowance |
| 471 | from mowing the lawn or taking out the garbage? |
| 472 | Well, I earned mine by plucking the eyebrows |
| 473 | of my father and his... |
| 474 | "business partners." |
| 475 | ( laughs ) |
| 476 | Oh, my God. |
| 477 | Yeah, well, I guess you don't need my help, Victor/Victoria. |
| 478 | Okay, all right, no, no, no, I do. |
| 479 | I do. I do. I need your help. |
| 480 | But, Chandler, I don't know if I can take any more plucking. |
| 481 | It hurt so bad. |
| 482 | Oh, not with my combination of ice cubes, aloe vera, |
| 483 | and my gentle... |
| 484 | self-loathing touch. |
| 485 | ♪ To take you to that mansion in the sky! ♪ |
| 486 | ( disappointed groans ) |
| 487 | I'm sorry. |
| 488 | The song's over. |
| 489 | ( disappointed groans ) |
| 490 | Did you see me up there? |
| 491 | Every little bit of you. |
| 492 | Oh! I, I can't believe I did it! |
| 493 | I can't believe I sang in front of people and they liked me. |
| 494 | Hey, did you hear that one guy shouting "Look at those tips"? |
| 495 | I mean, did I really help you get a lot of tips? |
| 496 | Sure. |
| 497 | Wow. |
| 498 | Okay, Mon. |
| 499 | Not that you didn't sound good... |
| 500 | Good? Didn't you hear them? |
| 501 | I was great! |
| 502 | Oh, thank you so much for making me do this. |
| 503 | That is the best gift ever. |
| 504 | Also good gift-- underwear. |
| 505 | Thank you so much for letting me do this. |
| 506 | Public bathrooms freak me out. |
| 507 | I can't even pee, let alone do anything else. |
| 508 | But what's great is you don't mind talking about it. |
| 509 | God, it's so amazing that I met you |
| 510 | on the same day that Eric broke up with me, |
| 511 | 'cause it's, like, you lose a boyfriend, you get a boyfriend. |
| 512 | Uh-huh. |
| 513 | Look, no, no, no. Don't worry. |
| 514 | This is not some rebound thing. |
| 515 | I am totally over Eric. |
| 516 | Phew! |
| 517 | Okay. |
| 518 | Good choice, Ross. |
| 519 | Oh, hey! |
| 520 | Hi. There you are. |
| 521 | I've been looking for you everywhere. |
| 522 | Oh, yeah, hello. |
| 523 | Well, here, here I am. |
| 524 | Hey, listen, my mom |
| 525 | is not bringing the baby back until 9:00. |
| 526 | So I was hoping you and I could have a chance to kind of talk... |
| 527 | ( toilet flushes ) |
| 528 | Somebody here? |
| 529 | Oh, yeah, yeah, that's Michelle. |
| 530 | Who? |
| 531 | Oh, just this woman I've been seeing. |
| 532 | You've been seeing someone? |
| 533 | Yeah. Didn't I mention that? |
| 534 | Yeah, uh, yeah. Uh, uh... |
| 535 | I mean, we haven't been going out too long, but, uh, |
| 536 | there's this amazing connection between us. |
| 537 | Um, I-I-I mean, even just before you came in |
| 538 | she called me her boyfriend. |
| 539 | I thought it was a little too soon, |
| 540 | but also, you know, it felt kind of nice. |
| 541 | What are you taking amoxicillin for? |
| 542 | How great is this? |
| 543 | You, you're already comfortable enough |
| 544 | to look through my stuff. |
| 545 | Uh, I'm sorry. |
| 546 | Michelle, this is my roommate, Rachel. |
| 547 | Hi, and I'm also Emma's mother. |
| 548 | Oh, who's Emma? |
| 549 | Oh, I-I told you about my daughter. |
| 550 | This is your daughter? |
| 551 | Yeah, I could be your new mommy. |
| 552 | And done. |
| 553 | Oh, my God! |
| 554 | I didn't feel a thing. |
| 555 | Hey, are you still looking for a job? |
| 556 | 'Cause you could tweeze circles |
| 557 | around that sadistic bitch at the salon. |
| 558 | Thanks. |
| 559 | You want to see what it looks like? |
| 560 | Yeah, yeah. |
| 561 | Hey, they totally match. |
| 562 | They look great. They look great. |
| 563 | How you doing? |
| 564 | Yeah, yeah, I think it looks pretty good. |
| 565 | I was a little bit worried |
| 566 | that I was, uh, uncovering a birthmark right about there. |
| 567 | But it turned out to be a little piece of chocolate. |
| 568 | Huh. |
| 569 | Hey, Chandler, thank you so much. |
| 570 | No problem. |
| 571 | Listen, uh... |
| 572 | that was a pretty girly hour we just spent. |
| 573 | We should probably do something manly to make up for it. |
| 574 | Yeah. |
| 575 | Curl my eyelashes. |
| 576 | Yeah! |
| 577 | Okay, for my next song, I think I'll sing something |
| 578 | a little more upbeat. |
| 579 | All right, um... |
| 580 | Oh, how about the Pointer Sisters "I'm So Excited"? |
| 581 | And make it bouncy. |
| 582 | Well, you'll probably take care of that on your end. |
| 583 | I'm sorry I'm late. |
| 584 | You'll understand when you see Joey. |
| 585 | Honey, |
| 586 | honey, you're just in time. |
| 587 | I'm about to sing another song. |
| 588 | Really? In front of all these people? |
| 589 | And they love me! |
| 590 | Oh, my God. |
| 591 | Yeah, she gives the people what they want. |
| 592 | Okay! |
| 593 | All right, watch! |
| 594 | ( hooting and applauding ) |
| 595 | ♪ Tonight, tonight, we're gonna make it happen ♪ |
| 596 | ♪ Tonight, we'll put all other things aside ♪ |
| 597 | ♪ Get in this time and show me some affection ♪ |
| 598 | Are those my wife's nipples? |
| 599 | ♪ We're going for those pleasures... ♪ |
| 600 | Oh, isn't that funny? I didn't see that before. |
| 601 | I wouldn't have let her go up again. |
| 602 | Well, I've got to stop this. |
| 603 | ♪ To love you... ♪ |
| 604 | ( booing ) |
| 605 | ( cheering ) |
| 606 | Ah, who cares? |
| 607 | They still love me. |
| 608 | ( cheers and applause ) |
| 609 | ♪ I'm so excited... ♪ |
| 610 | You! |
| 611 | Touching yourself! |
| 612 | Out! |
| 613 | ( toilet flushes ) |
| 614 | Wow. She does that a lot. |
| 615 | Ross, you didn't tell me you were a doctor! |
| 616 | Whoa-whoa, wait a minute. |
| 617 | You haven't even told her that you were a doctor yet? |
| 618 | How long have you know her? Like an hour? |
| 619 | Actually, about an hour and a half. |
| 620 | I, I told you it wasn't long, but, uh... |
| 621 | there's an amazing connection between us. |
| 622 | You feel that, too? |
| 623 | Oh! |
| 624 | I thought that that was just me! |
| 625 | Well, are-are you kidding? |
| 626 | Um, hey, do you want to go away this weekend? |
| 627 | We'll see. |
| 628 | Okay, Ross, what's going on here? |
| 629 | Are we just bringing strange women back to the apartment now? |
| 630 | I don't know. |
| 631 | Are we just kissing guys on balconies? |
| 632 | What? How do you know about that? |
| 633 | Through the magic of sight! |
| 634 | I was here putting our child to sleep... |
| 635 | Emma. |
| 636 | When I happened to look through the window |
| 637 | and see you kissing a guy you've known for what? |
| 638 | A week? |
| 639 | Oh, God, is that what this is all about? |
| 640 | Did you bring her up here to get back at me? |
| 641 | No, actually, see, I had to pee, |
| 642 | 'cause I can't use public bathrooms |
| 643 | because of the doody parasites... |
| 644 | Okay, Michelle, it's time to go. |
| 645 | Well, call me. |
| 646 | Okay. |
| 647 | No wait! You don't have my phone number. |
| 648 | Um, you know what? |
| 649 | If it's meant to be, I'll guess it. |
| 650 | Bye-bye. |
| 651 | Score. |
| 652 | Oh, I'm sorry. |
| 653 | Did you not like her? |
| 654 | Because I was hoping maybe we could come |
| 655 | to one of your kissing parties on the balcony. |
| 656 | Oh, God, you know, I can't believe |
| 657 | you're making such a big deal about this. |
| 658 | It was one kiss, one guy, one time. |
| 659 | Oh, really? |
| 660 | Yeah. |
| 661 | Oh, really? |
| 662 | Oh, yeah. |
| 663 | What about the guy from the bar? |
| 664 | What, who? |
| 665 | The guy you gave your number to. |
| 666 | How do you know about that? |
| 667 | Because he called here looking for you. |
| 668 | So don't tell me this-this kissing this guy from work |
| 669 | is a one-time thing, okay? |
| 670 | 'Cause you been out there in-in bars and on balconies |
| 671 | for over a month now, |
| 672 | and you didn't even have the courtesy to tell me. |
| 673 | Why didn't I get that message? |
| 674 | What? |
| 675 | From the guy in the bar. |
| 676 | Why didn't I get that message? |
| 677 | Because I folded it up and put it in my pants pocket. |
| 678 | Do you, do you not look there? |
| 679 | Ross. |
| 680 | I never gave it to you. |
| 681 | Why? |
| 682 | I, I don't know. |
| 683 | Oh, God, you know what? I don't... |
| 684 | Who do you think you are? |
| 685 | Who are you to decide what messages I should |
| 686 | or should not get? |
| 687 | Who am I? Yes! |
| 688 | I'm the guy who's taking care of our baby |
| 689 | while you're out at bars meeting guys. |
| 690 | Oh, my God, I cannot believe you. |
| 691 | You know, I actually came in here hoping |
| 692 | to have a mature conversation with you |
| 693 | about us, but I can't do that |
| 694 | with someone who hides my messages |
| 695 | and brings crazy women back to my apartment. |
| 696 | Hey! None of the sane ones wanted to come back with me. |
| 697 | That's not... it's not the point! |
| 698 | Okay? The point is you-you |
| 699 | are the one who moved on and didn't tell anyone. |
| 700 | Oh, God, Ross, this is just so messed up! |
| 701 | What is wrong with us? |
| 702 | You know, when people hear |
| 703 | about our situation, they always ask, |
| 704 | "What, you live together, but you're not a couple? |
| 705 | And yet you have a baby? Isn't that weird?" |
| 706 | Ands I say "You know, you know what? |
| 707 | It's not, because it works for us." |
| 708 | But you know what? This doesn't work. |
| 709 | In fact, this is the-the opposite of working. |
| 710 | Ah, clearly. |
| 711 | And you know... |
| 712 | we said that we would, we would live together |
| 713 | as long as this makes sense. |
| 714 | And maybe this, you know, just doesn't make sense anymore. |
| 715 | Yeah, maybe not. |
| 716 | So what do you want to do? |
| 717 | ( knocking at door ) |
| 718 | Hey. |
| 719 | Hi. |
| 720 | Can Emma and I live here for a while? |
| 721 | God, uh... |
| 722 | Of course. |
| 723 | Thank you. |
| 724 | Oh. |
| 725 | Your eyebrows look weird. |
| 726 | ♪ Jeremiah was a bullfrog ♪ |
| 727 | ♪ Was a good friend of mine ♪ |
| 728 | ♪ Never understood a single word he said ♪ |
| 729 | ♪ but I helped him drink his wine... ♪ |
| 730 | So you'll just touch yourself for anything, then. |
| 731 | Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org |
| 732 | |
| 1 | Morning, roomie. |
| 2 | Hey, you remembered to put clothes on this morning. |
| 3 | Fifth day's a charm. |
| 4 | Oh... |
| 5 | Oh, Joey, it's so great to be back here. |
| 6 | I got to tell you, |
| 7 | you're making it so easy on me and Emma. |
| 8 | Hey, it's great having you back, you know. |
| 9 | Stay as long as you want. |
| 10 | And when does she stop crying all night? |
| 11 | Hey, you're not naked. |
| 12 | So, hey, Rach, when will we expect to see you tonight? |
| 13 | Well, I'll probably be back to pick her up around 6:00. |
| 14 | But she's in the bedroom all ready to go. |
| 15 | But she did actually fall back to sleep, so... |
| 16 | She's probably exhausted |
| 17 | from all that adorable screaming she did last night. |
| 18 | Well, bye. Bye. |
| 19 | Hey, I hope Emma isn't making it too hard on you. |
| 20 | No, hey, it's been great. |
| 21 | Yeah? Yeah. |
| 22 | And, look, I just want you to know |
| 23 | that with Rachel staying here and everything... |
| 24 | all my feelings from before are totally over, okay? |
| 25 | And even if they weren't, |
| 26 | when you accidentally walk in |
| 27 | on a woman using a breast pump... |
| 28 | Yeah, that'll do it. Wow. |
| 29 | So, uh, how are you? |
| 30 | I'm okay. |
| 31 | Really? |
| 32 | Sure. I mean, do I wish me and Rachel living together |
| 33 | would have worked out? Of course. |
| 34 | You know, I'm disappointed, |
| 35 | but it's not like it's a divorce. |
| 36 | Well, actually... |
| 37 | No, it's not a divorce. It is not a divorce! |
| 38 | Anyway, I think Rachel and I need to, you know |
| 39 | get on with our lives. |
| 40 | Maybe... maybe start seeing other people. |
| 41 | Wow. Really? |
| 42 | Yeah, sure. Why not? |
| 43 | In fact, if you know anyone that'd be good for me... |
| 44 | Sure, I know lots of girls. |
| 45 | Yeah? Any names come to mind? |
| 46 | Ooh, names? |
| 47 | ♪ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ♪ |
| 48 | ♪ Your job's a joke, you're broke ♪ |
| 49 | ♪ Your love life's D.O.A. ♪ |
| 50 | ♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪ |
| 51 | ♪ When it hasn't been your day, your week ♪ |
| 52 | ♪ Your month, or even your year ♪ |
| 53 | ♪ But I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 54 | ♪ 'Cause you're there for me, too. ♪ |
| 55 | Hey. |
| 56 | Hey. I was just going to get something to eat. |
| 57 | You want something? Whatcha got? |
| 58 | Okay, let's see. |
| 59 | We got strained peas. |
| 60 | Strained carrots. |
| 61 | Ooh, strained plums. |
| 62 | We haven't tried that yet. |
| 63 | Goodie! All right. |
| 64 | Thanks. |
| 65 | Hey... so, |
| 66 | how is it living with Rachel again? |
| 67 | I mean, apart from the great food. |
| 68 | I'm fine. I'm fine. |
| 69 | It's just... it's just |
| 70 | weird what's happening with her and Ross. |
| 71 | You know, yesterday, |
| 72 | he asked me to fix him up with somebody. |
| 73 | Oh, my God. Rachel asked me |
| 74 | if I knew anyone for her, too. |
| 75 | Why are they doing this? |
| 76 | I don't know. |
| 77 | They're so perfect for each other. |
| 78 | It's crazy. |
| 79 | You know what's crazy, these jars. |
| 80 | What is it, like two bites in here? |
| 81 | I just wish they'd realize they should be together. |
| 82 | I know, I know. And when they moved back in together, |
| 83 | I figured, you know, that's where things were headed. |
| 84 | I know. They should be a family. |
| 85 | They should get married and have more children. |
| 86 | Yes. And they should name one of their kids Joey. |
| 87 | Tell you what, |
| 88 | I may not have kids. |
| 89 | Someone's got to carry on the family name. |
| 90 | You know what? |
| 91 | Maybe once they start dating and they see what's out there, |
| 92 | they'll realize how good they are for each other. |
| 93 | Yeah, because it is slim pickin's. |
| 94 | You know, I had this date last night... yuck! |
| 95 | But we should probably keep it down. |
| 96 | She's still in the bedroom. |
| 97 | So what are we going to do? |
| 98 | We just going to go ahead and set them up with people? |
| 99 | I know. That just pushes them further and further apart. |
| 100 | Yeah. |
| 101 | Oh, I know what we can do. |
| 102 | We could set Ross and Rachel up on horrible dates |
| 103 | so that they'll realize how good they are together. |
| 104 | Oh, that's a great plan. |
| 105 | Yeah, you know what the best part of it is? |
| 106 | I get to do my "plan laugh." |
| 107 | ( maniacal laughter ) |
| 108 | Ooh, yeah... |
| 109 | ( maniacal laughter ) |
| 110 | ( both laughing ) |
| 111 | Okay, shh... shh... |
| 112 | Not so loud. |
| 113 | We don't want to wake up, uh... |
| 114 | Hi. |
| 115 | Hey. |
| 116 | You guys aren't doing anything tonight, are you? |
| 117 | See, now, why would you assume that? |
| 118 | Just because we're married? |
| 119 | I mean, I will have you know |
| 120 | that we are very hip, happening people. |
| 121 | Now, if you'll excuse me, |
| 122 | I have to get back to reading the obituaries. |
| 123 | I was just asking 'cause I need someone to watch Emma tonight. |
| 124 | Sure, we'll do that. What are you up to? |
| 125 | Well, Phoebe set me up on a date. |
| 126 | Oh, my God. Wow. |
| 127 | Why? What's the big deal? |
| 128 | Oh, just figured, 'cause you and Ross are... |
| 129 | What? Slept together a year and a half ago? |
| 130 | Yeah, I'm all set. |
| 131 | Well, I think it's great |
| 132 | that you're going on a date, you know? |
| 133 | I mean, it sounds healthy. |
| 134 | I mean, you have needs. |
| 135 | Embrace your womanhood. |
| 136 | You want a job? |
| 137 | Turn off Oprah and send out a resume. |
| 138 | So, I'll bring her by around 7:00. Is that okay? |
| 139 | That's perfect. |
| 140 | Oh, you guys are going to have so much fun. |
| 141 | She's at such a cute age. |
| 142 | Oh, a couple things. |
| 143 | Now that she's eating solid food, |
| 144 | she poops around the clock. |
| 145 | And watch out for your hair, 'cause she likes to grab at it. |
| 146 | And, oh, she's also in this phase |
| 147 | where if you leave the room, she screams bloody murder. |
| 148 | But... thanks, you guys, have fun. |
| 149 | Suddenly, I wish I was reading my own name. |
| 150 | Ooh, Joey. |
| 151 | Hey. Hey. |
| 152 | I am so excited. |
| 153 | I just set Rachel up with the worst guy tonight. |
| 154 | All right, who is he? |
| 155 | Well, it's this guy I used to massage. |
| 156 | And by massage, I mean, hold down |
| 157 | so he wouldn't turn over and flash me. |
| 158 | Okay, come here. |
| 159 | Wait till you hear who I got for Ross. |
| 160 | Oh, yeah. |
| 161 | She's this really boring woman. |
| 162 | She's a teacher. |
| 163 | A teacher? Yeah, yeah. |
| 164 | She's really into history and foreign movies. |
| 165 | Oh, oh, and she loves puzzles, huh? |
| 166 | Come on, who loves puzzles? |
| 167 | Well, Ross does. |
| 168 | What... you... you're ruining the plan. |
| 169 | Joey, you fixed him up with his perfect woman. |
| 170 | Oh, my God, you're right. Yeah. |
| 171 | She even reads for pleasure. |
| 172 | Oh... |
| 173 | How do you even know a woman like that? |
| 174 | What? I'm not allowed to know smart women? |
| 175 | Joey. |
| 176 | I met her at the library. |
| 177 | I went in to pee. |
| 178 | So, now what do we do? |
| 179 | Well, okay, I'll just call her |
| 180 | and tell her the date's canceled |
| 181 | and find him somebody else. |
| 182 | What if we don't find him somebody else? |
| 183 | We'll just tell her the date's off, |
| 184 | but we don't tell Ross |
| 185 | and he goes to the restaurant and gets stood up. |
| 186 | Ooh, I hear that's bad. |
| 187 | Ooh, so this is great. |
| 188 | Rachel's going to have a terrible date, |
| 189 | Ross gets stood up, |
| 190 | and then they'll realize how good they have it together. |
| 191 | Ah, yes, the plan. |
| 192 | Ho, ho, ho. |
| 193 | It's not Santa's plan. |
| 194 | No, it's... |
| 195 | ( maniacal laughter ) |
| 196 | ( maniacal laughter ) |
| 197 | Yeah, you know, it's not that fun. |
| 198 | No, I think we killed it. |
| 199 | Emma, Emma, look at me. |
| 200 | Well, I think I'll go downstairs for a while. |
| 201 | ( crying ) |
| 202 | No, no, no. |
| 203 | No, no, no, it's okay. |
| 204 | It's okay. I didn't go. |
| 205 | Don't cry. It's just a bit. |
| 206 | I'm your Uncle Chandler. |
| 207 | Funny is all I have. |
| 208 | Okay, just so you know, |
| 209 | I'm going to be ovulating from tomorrow until the sixth. |
| 210 | So, don't touch yourself in the next 48 hours. |
| 211 | I don't do that. |
| 212 | I'll try to stop. |
| 213 | Wait, did you say until the sixth? |
| 214 | Yeah. |
| 215 | Today is the sixth. |
| 216 | No, it's not. |
| 217 | Look. |
| 218 | Yeah, see, it's also 2003. |
| 219 | Oh, my God. Today's the sixth! |
| 220 | I'm nearly done ovulating. |
| 221 | I may have also served some very questionable meat |
| 222 | at the restaurant. |
| 223 | It's okay, go take the test. |
| 224 | See if we're okay. |
| 225 | Okay. |
| 226 | Hello... lo. |
| 227 | ( blubbering ) |
| 228 | Tough crib. |
| 229 | Hey, where are all my ovulation sticks? |
| 230 | There's only one here. |
| 231 | I might have checked to see |
| 232 | if I was ovulating a couple times. |
| 233 | Chandler... |
| 234 | I am not working. |
| 235 | There's not much to do around here. |
| 236 | Excuse me, um... |
| 237 | Is there a woman waiting at the bar? |
| 238 | Um, someone average height, dark hair, |
| 239 | perhaps doing a puzzle? |
| 240 | Uh, there's a drunk Chinese guy. |
| 241 | Well, if I'm still here in an hour, |
| 242 | buy him a drink on me. |
| 243 | Um, can I get you another glass of wine? |
| 244 | Uh, I don't know if I should. |
| 245 | I don't want to be drunk when I... |
| 246 | go home alone tonight. |
| 247 | Got stood up, huh? |
| 248 | Yeah, it's no big deal. |
| 249 | It's just a blind date. |
| 250 | Are you worried your date came, saw you and left? |
| 251 | No! |
| 252 | We're okay. |
| 253 | I'm still ovulating. |
| 254 | Oh, good, because as of 4:00 this afternoon, I am not. |
| 255 | So, let's do this. |
| 256 | I don't think I can. |
| 257 | Oh, come on. |
| 258 | I know you're not 18 anymore, but give it a minute. |
| 259 | Because of Emma. |
| 260 | Oh, my God, Emma. |
| 261 | Oh, sweetie, I forgot you were here. |
| 262 | Oh, you're right, we can't do this. |
| 263 | We can't leave her alone. |
| 264 | Sorry. |
| 265 | Unless... |
| 266 | Maybe we do it here. |
| 267 | I mean, how much can she even be aware of at this age? |
| 268 | Well, she's aware when we leave a room. |
| 269 | She may notice if we start... |
| 270 | canoodling in it. |
| 271 | Canoodling? |
| 272 | Well, I can say hump or screw in front of the b-a-b-y. |
| 273 | I don't know. I mean... |
| 274 | I guess having sex in front of a baby isn't so... |
| 275 | Horrifying? |
| 276 | Scarring? |
| 277 | Something people go to jail for? |
| 278 | I guess you're right. |
| 279 | You guess I'm right? |
| 280 | When we stayed at that bed and breakfast, |
| 281 | you wouldn't have sex with me |
| 282 | because you thought a deer was staring through the window. |
| 283 | Well, what kind of a sick bastard |
| 284 | wants to do it in front of deer? |
| 285 | Wow, everything looks so good. |
| 286 | I think I'm going to have the chicken. |
| 287 | I-I-I just have to say this: |
| 288 | You're really beautiful. |
| 289 | Oh, well, that's... that's very sweet. |
| 290 | Thank you. |
| 291 | I'm kind of funny-looking. |
| 292 | What? |
| 293 | Look, I mean, come on, |
| 294 | you're way out of my league. |
| 295 | Everybody in here knows it. |
| 296 | Be that guy over there is probably saying, |
| 297 | "Ooh, why she out with him? |
| 298 | He must be rich." |
| 299 | Well, I'm not. |
| 300 | ( nervous laughter ) |
| 301 | So, what do you think you want to order? |
| 302 | I'm real excited about that chicken. |
| 303 | I'm not funny, either. |
| 304 | So, if you were thinking |
| 305 | well, he's not that good-looking, |
| 306 | but maybe we'll have some laughs. |
| 307 | That ain't gonna happen. |
| 308 | Well, come on, Steve, |
| 309 | let's not rule out nervous laughter. |
| 310 | Hey, now, wait a minute. |
| 311 | Phoebe told me that you owned your own restaurant. |
| 312 | That's impressive. |
| 313 | I lost it... to drugs. |
| 314 | I silk-screen T-shirts now. |
| 315 | Really? |
| 316 | What's that like? |
| 317 | It's really fulfilling doing something you hate for no money. |
| 318 | That's right. |
| 319 | I have no money, |
| 320 | I'm not funny, I live in a studio apartment, |
| 321 | with two other guys, |
| 322 | and I'm pretty sure I'm infertile. |
| 323 | Now, come on, come on, Steve. |
| 324 | There must be something that you like about yourself. |
| 325 | I do like my hair. |
| 326 | Really? |
| 327 | I mean... I... |
| 328 | Hello. |
| 329 | Phoebe, it's me. |
| 330 | I'm going to hunt you down and kill you. |
| 331 | Hey, Rach. |
| 332 | This is the worst date ever. |
| 333 | How could you set me up with this creep? |
| 334 | You know you are talking |
| 335 | about one of my dear, dear friends. |
| 336 | I don't care. |
| 337 | This guy is a nightmare. |
| 338 | All right, so he gets a little crazy when he's stoned. |
| 339 | He's not stoned. |
| 340 | Did he go out for a cigarette? |
| 341 | Yeah, four times. |
| 342 | My dear sweet Rach. |
| 343 | Well, our plan is working. |
| 344 | Rachel's having a miserable time, |
| 345 | and Ross is just stood up somewhere |
| 346 | at a restaurant all alone. |
| 347 | Oh, great. Pretty soon they'll be back together. |
| 348 | By the time anyone's figured out what we've done, |
| 349 | we'll be in sunny Mexico. |
| 350 | Oh, wait, that's the end of a different plan. |
| 351 | Oh, she's asleep. |
| 352 | Chandler. |
| 353 | What are you doing? |
| 354 | Emma was doing it. |
| 355 | She's asleep. |
| 356 | Ooh. If she's asleep, |
| 357 | that means we can... Yes. |
| 358 | But we have to be fast. |
| 359 | Oh, okay, I'll try. |
| 360 | And you can't make any noise. |
| 361 | Okay, I'll try. |
| 362 | Hello. |
| 363 | Emma? |
| 364 | Hey. |
| 365 | Hi. |
| 366 | How are you? How are you? |
| 367 | Where are your baby-sitters, huh? |
| 368 | Why's the bedroom door closed? |
| 369 | You can't have S-E-X |
| 370 | when you're taking care of the B-A-B-I-E. |
| 371 | I've got bad news. |
| 372 | The Chinese guy left. |
| 373 | If was meant to be, it's meant to be. |
| 374 | Look, you got stood up. |
| 375 | Who cares? |
| 376 | We're going to show you a good time. |
| 377 | Sit and relax. |
| 378 | In fact, let me bring you |
| 379 | a crab cake appetizer on the house. |
| 380 | Wow, free crab cakes. |
| 381 | Well, that's nice. |
| 382 | Although, I was hoping to have sex tonight. |
| 383 | Ooh. |
| 384 | Just the crab cakes. |
| 385 | What are you doing? |
| 386 | Are you trying to get him to stay? |
| 387 | Because you can't do that. |
| 388 | Just get out of here, okay? |
| 389 | What's... what's going on? |
| 390 | Uh, okay, um... |
| 391 | The waiters have a little pool going. |
| 392 | We have a bet on how long it will take |
| 393 | before you... give up and go home. |
| 394 | What?! |
| 395 | You... you're making money off my misery? |
| 396 | Well, if you stay till 9:20 I am. |
| 397 | This is unbelievable. |
| 398 | I have never been so insulted in my life. |
| 399 | Now if you'll wrap up my free crab cakes, |
| 400 | I'll be on my way. |
| 401 | Well, that was weird. |
| 402 | You were loud, and I was fast. |
| 403 | I think we may have really done it this time. |
| 404 | I wish I didn't have to wait to take a pregnancy test. |
| 405 | You might want to get some more of those, too. |
| 406 | Where's Emma? |
| 407 | Oh, my God, where's Emma? |
| 408 | Where's Emma?! |
| 409 | Don't ask me. |
| 410 | I was in there canoodling you. |
| 411 | Okay, okay, I'm sure that Rachel came home early |
| 412 | and picked up Emma. |
| 413 | You go look across the hall, |
| 414 | and I'll call her cell. |
| 415 | Okay. |
| 416 | You better hope that we're pregnant. |
| 417 | Because one way or another, |
| 418 | we're giving a baby back to Rachel. |
| 419 | ( sobbing ): I can't believe I'm crying in front of you. |
| 420 | You must think I'm so pathetic. |
| 421 | No, no, no. |
| 422 | I admire a man who can cry. |
| 423 | Really? |
| 424 | Don't touch my coat! |
| 425 | ( phone ringing ) |
| 426 | Oh, sorry. That's my phone. |
| 427 | Hello. |
| 428 | Hey, Rach, how's it going? |
| 429 | Oh, God, this is the worst date ever. |
| 430 | ( loud sob ) |
| 431 | Oh, come on... |
| 432 | Look, you know what, I'm sorry, |
| 433 | but did you really think that this was going well? |
| 434 | What's up? |
| 435 | Hey, did you stop by here? |
| 436 | No. |
| 437 | Oh, my God! |
| 438 | Oh, thank God. |
| 439 | Emma, there you are! |
| 440 | What... what do you mean "there you are"? |
| 441 | Where was she? |
| 442 | Oh, we were playing peek-a-boo. |
| 443 | She loves it when I'm dramatic. |
| 444 | What...? |
| 445 | Why the hell did you take her? |
| 446 | Because you two were having sex. |
| 447 | No, we weren't. |
| 448 | Don't you lie to me. |
| 449 | I can tell by Chandler's hair. |
| 450 | You are so lazy. |
| 451 | Can't you get on top for once? |
| 452 | All right, all right. |
| 453 | We were... we were trying to make a baby. |
| 454 | Monica's ovulating. |
| 455 | It is unacceptable that you two would have sex |
| 456 | with Emma in the next room. |
| 457 | And I'm going to have to tell Rachel about it. |
| 458 | No, no, no. |
| 459 | No, please don't. Joey, she will kill us. |
| 460 | Hey, I gotta. |
| 461 | Unless... |
| 462 | Unless what? |
| 463 | Unless you name your firstborn child Joey. |
| 464 | What? Why? |
| 465 | Hey, I may never have kids |
| 466 | and somebody's got to carry on my family name. |
| 467 | Your family name is Tribbiani. |
| 468 | Oh, you almost had me. |
| 469 | Look... |
| 470 | I think I know the answer to this question, but... |
| 471 | Would you like to make love to me? |
| 472 | Really, really not. |
| 473 | Oh, it's just as well. |
| 474 | Doesn't work anyway. |
| 475 | All right, well, that's good to know. |
| 476 | Good night, Steve. |
| 477 | ( shudders and groans ) |
| 478 | Hey, what's wrong? |
| 479 | I just had a rough night. |
| 480 | Oh, crab cake? |
| 481 | Ew! |
| 482 | So what happened? |
| 483 | Oh, well, I... it's kind of weird |
| 484 | to talk to you about this, but... |
| 485 | Monica told me you had a blind date. |
| 486 | Yeah. |
| 487 | I did, too. |
| 488 | Oh. |
| 489 | But it is it technically a date |
| 490 | if the other person doesn't show up? |
| 491 | Oh, oh, no. |
| 492 | Do you think she walked in, saw you and left? |
| 493 | Why does everyone keep saying that? |
| 494 | Well, if it makes you feel any better, |
| 495 | I wish my date hadn't shown up. |
| 496 | That bad? |
| 497 | Well, he makes T-shirts for a living, |
| 498 | and he thought it would |
| 499 | be appropriate to give me... this. |
| 500 | Female Body Inspector? |
| 501 | What size is that? |
| 502 | Now, wait a minute. |
| 503 | So they're going to name their first child Joey? |
| 504 | Uh-huh. |
| 505 | How do I get them to name the next one after me? |
| 506 | It's easy. |
| 507 | You just walk in on them having sex. |
| 508 | Oh, so they owe me like three Phoebes. |
| 509 | Oh, my God! |
| 510 | Look. It's Ross and Rachel. |
| 511 | Oh, the plan is working. |
| 512 | ( maniacal laughter ) |
| 513 | Don't do the plan laugh. |
| 514 | The first dates we've had in months, |
| 515 | and they were both such disasters. |
| 516 | Huh. |
| 517 | You know, it is weird |
| 518 | that Phoebe would set me up on a date that was awful, |
| 519 | on the same night that Joey set you up |
| 520 | on a date that didn't even show. |
| 521 | Wait a minute. |
| 522 | You don't think it was intentional? |
| 523 | I mean, that's just stupid. |
| 524 | We're geniuses. |
| 525 | Look at 'em. Look at 'em. |
| 526 | They're really bonding. |
| 527 | Oh, yeah. They're falling in love all over again. |
| 528 | Oh, they see us. |
| 529 | Oh, they look mad. |
| 530 | Oh, they figured it out. |
| 531 | They're coming this way. Run. |
| 532 | Where? Mexico! |
| 533 | Can you believe they're still not here? |
| 534 | I know. |
| 535 | A double blind date and we both get stood up. |
| 536 | What are the chances? |
| 537 | I know. I'm so bummed. |
| 538 | Could we have our free crab cakes now? |
| 539 | What? |
| 540 | We've been stood up, |
| 541 | and we want our free crab cakes. |
| 542 | Guys, give it a rest. |
| 543 | Nobody's betting on you tonight. |
| 544 | Although we do have a pool going |
| 545 | to see how long it takes that guy to cry. |
| 546 | I have such fat hands! |
| 547 | Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org |
| 548 | |
| 1 | Guys, guys, I've got great news. |
| 2 | Guess what. |
| 3 | Uh... Monica's pregnant. |
| 4 | Really? |
| 5 | Let's get past the moment. |
| 6 | What-what's your news? |
| 7 | Thank you. |
| 8 | I got a job in advertising. |
| 9 | Hey! |
| 10 | Honey, that's incredible! |
| 11 | Gosh, what's the pay like? |
| 12 | Oh, come on, people. |
| 13 | Come on now. |
| 14 | If I don't know who makes the most, |
| 15 | how do I know who I like the most? |
| 16 | Hi, Joey. |
| 17 | Well, actually it pays nothing. It's an internship. |
| 18 | Oh, that's cool. We have interns at Days of Our Lives. |
| 19 | Right, so it'll be the same, except less sex with you. |
| 20 | ROSS: So, uh, what kind of stuff |
| 21 | do you think they'll have you do there? |
| 22 | Well, it's a training program, |
| 23 | but at the end, they hire the people they like. |
| 24 | That's great. |
| 25 | Yeah, I mean, there's probably going to be some gruntwork, |
| 26 | which will probably stink. |
| 27 | You know, a grown man getting people coffee |
| 28 | is a little humiliating. |
| 29 | Humiliating and noble. |
| 30 | Thank you. |
| 31 | You know, if-if I didn't already have a job, |
| 32 | I think I would have been really good in advertising. |
| 33 | Ross, you did not come up with "Got Milk?" |
| 34 | Yes, I did! I did! |
| 35 | I should have written it down. |
| 36 | ♪ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ♪ |
| 37 | ♪ Your job's a joke, you're broke ♪ |
| 38 | ♪ Your love life's D.O.A. ♪ |
| 39 | ♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪ |
| 40 | ♪ When it hasn't been your day, your week ♪ |
| 41 | ♪ Your month, or even your year ♪ |
| 42 | ♪ But I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 43 | ♪ When the rain starts to pour ♪ |
| 44 | ♪ I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 45 | ♪ Like I've been there before ♪ |
| 46 | ♪ I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 47 | ♪ 'Cause you're there for me, too. ♪ |
| 48 | ( knocking ) |
| 49 | Hey. Hey. |
| 50 | Where's Chandler? |
| 51 | I want to wish him good luck |
| 52 | on his first day. |
| 53 | And I smelled bacon. Ha-ha. |
| 54 | He just left. |
| 55 | Who did? |
| 56 | Joey, you're never going to believe it. |
| 57 | She called. |
| 58 | She did? You got it! |
| 59 | I did?! |
| 60 | What is she talking about? |
| 61 | I don't know, but it sounds great! |
| 62 | No, your agent called. |
| 63 | You got that audition! |
| 64 | With Leonard Hayes? Yes! |
| 65 | Oh, my God, that is great! |
| 66 | That is great. |
| 67 | It's for a play on Broadway. |
| 68 | And in a real theater. |
| 69 | Not that little one |
| 70 | underneath the deli like last time. |
| 71 | Is it a good play? |
| 72 | Well, it must be, because I read it, |
| 73 | and I didn't understand a single word! |
| 74 | And Leonard Hayes is starring in it. |
| 75 | Yeah, yeah, and directing. |
| 76 | Oh, he was so good in that movie of Macbeth. |
| 77 | You saw that? |
| 78 | No, but I saw the previews. |
| 79 | They played it right before Jackass. |
| 80 | Oh. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. |
| 81 | He has. Yeah, he's done some amazing work. |
| 82 | Oh, yeah. Oh, I loved him in those cell phone commercials. |
| 83 | I know. When the monkey hits him |
| 84 | in the face with giant rubber phone. |
| 85 | Hey, maybe the monkey will be at the audition. |
| 86 | Don't make me more nervous than I already am. |
| 87 | Good morning, everybody. |
| 88 | Can I get you a cup of coffee, sir? |
| 89 | Oh, no, no, no. |
| 90 | I'm an intern, just like you guys, |
| 91 | except for the tie, the briefcase, and... |
| 92 | the fact that I can rent a car. |
| 93 | Seriously, you're an intern? |
| 94 | Yeah, well, I'm kind of heading |
| 95 | in a new career direction, and, you know, |
| 96 | you got to start at the bottom. |
| 97 | Dude. |
| 98 | All right, look, I know |
| 99 | I'm a little bit older than you guys, |
| 100 | but it's not like I'm Bob Hope. |
| 101 | The comedian? |
| 102 | USO? |
| 103 | Uh, it's USA, sir. |
| 104 | This is Joey Tribbiani. |
| 105 | Joey, these are the producers, |
| 106 | and as you probably already know, |
| 107 | this is Leonard Hayes. |
| 108 | Hi. |
| 109 | Wow. |
| 110 | It is so amazing to meet you. |
| 111 | I am such a big fan of your work. |
| 112 | Well, I've, uh, |
| 113 | I've been blessed with, uh, a lot of... |
| 114 | a lot of great roles. |
| 115 | Oh, tell me about it, huh. |
| 116 | Unlimited nights and weekends. |
| 117 | Are you making fun of me? |
| 118 | Because I am not a sellout. |
| 119 | I didn't do that for the money. |
| 120 | I believe in those phones. |
| 121 | I almost lost a cousin because of bad wireless service. |
| 122 | No, no. I-I wasn't making fun of you, honestly. |
| 123 | I-I think you were great in those commercials. |
| 124 | Really? Yeah. |
| 125 | Well, I do |
| 126 | bring a certain credibility to the role. |
| 127 | It's true. |
| 128 | Are you kidding? |
| 129 | When they shoot you out of that cannon... |
| 130 | Hang up that phone. |
| 131 | One take. |
| 132 | Wow. |
| 133 | We did that in one take. |
| 134 | So, shall we, uh, read? |
| 135 | Oh, yeah, sure. |
| 136 | Top of act two. |
| 137 | This is my entrance. |
| 138 | You got it? |
| 139 | Mm-hmm. |
| 140 | What the hell are you still doing here? |
| 141 | Ooh! |
| 142 | Uh... |
| 143 | I think you know. |
| 144 | Bastard! |
| 145 | I am what you made me. |
| 146 | You know what? |
| 147 | I could go right now. |
| 148 | Go, go. |
| 149 | I can't. |
| 150 | Oh, I want to, Long Pause. |
| 151 | But I can't. |
| 152 | I'm so sorry. |
| 153 | You-you... you're not supposed to say "Long Pause." |
| 154 | Oh. |
| 155 | Oh, I thought that was your character's name. |
| 156 | You know? |
| 157 | I thought you were, like, an Indian or something. |
| 158 | You know with the... |
| 159 | Sorry. |
| 160 | Long Pause. No. |
| 161 | Thank you so much for coming in. |
| 162 | We appreciate it. Thank you. |
| 163 | Well, are you sure |
| 164 | you don't want me to do it again? |
| 165 | I could do it... with an accent? |
| 166 | You know, Southern. |
| 167 | ( Jamaican accent ): I could go right now, mon. |
| 168 | Huh? |
| 169 | My God in heaven. |
| 170 | Joey, hang on for a second. |
| 171 | Leonard, can we talk to you for a moment? |
| 172 | Yes. |
| 173 | Listen, I'm going to bring him back. |
| 174 | You... you've got to be kidding. |
| 175 | He-he can't act. |
| 176 | I can work with him and... |
| 177 | Hey, I-I don't care if you think he's hot. |
| 178 | You know, if you want to sleep with him, |
| 179 | do it on your own time. |
| 180 | This is a play. |
| 181 | Leonard, I'm bringing him back. |
| 182 | No, listen. |
| 183 | If you insist on this, I will call my agent |
| 184 | so fast on a cell phone |
| 185 | that has a connection that is so clear, |
| 186 | he's going to think I'm next door. |
| 187 | Uh, hi. Uh... |
| 188 | thank you so much for whispering for my benefit, |
| 189 | but, um, look. |
| 190 | If you just tell me what I did wrong, |
| 191 | I would love to work on it and come back |
| 192 | and try it again for you. |
| 193 | And-and, also, how you doin'? |
| 194 | ( laughs ) |
| 195 | If you please, just-just give me another chance. |
| 196 | I really want to get better. |
| 197 | Please. |
| 198 | Well... well, |
| 199 | if you want to come back at the end of the day today, |
| 200 | here are my notes. Ready? |
| 201 | Yeah, yeah. |
| 202 | Um, you're in your head. |
| 203 | You're-you're thinking way too much. |
| 204 | I really doubt that. |
| 205 | No, no, no, no, no. |
| 206 | It's that... it's that you're not connected |
| 207 | with anything in your body. |
| 208 | There's no urgency. |
| 209 | The scene is a struggle. Uh-huh. |
| 210 | It's a... it's a race. Uh-huh. |
| 211 | Also, what you did was horizontal. |
| 212 | Don't be afraid to explore... |
| 213 | the vertical, you know? |
| 214 | Uh-huh. And don't learn the words. |
| 215 | Let the words learn you. |
| 216 | Couldn't I just sleep with the producer? |
| 217 | Hey, do you want to go to dinner tonight? |
| 218 | Oh, I can't. |
| 219 | I've-I've got a date with that waitress, uh, Katie. |
| 220 | Yeah. I-I know |
| 221 | we've only gone out, like, twice, |
| 222 | but I don't know. |
| 223 | I have a really good feeling about her. |
| 224 | Oh, I hear divorce bells. |
| 225 | Uh. |
| 226 | All right, just give me your wallets, |
| 227 | and there won't be a problem. |
| 228 | What? |
| 229 | I have a gun. |
| 230 | Okay, just-just relax, Phoebe. |
| 231 | Just stay calm. |
| 232 | Oh, my God, I can't find my wallet! |
| 233 | All right, lady, now give me your purse. |
| 234 | No. |
| 235 | What do you mean, no? |
| 236 | I knew you'd be my death, Phoebe Buffay! |
| 237 | Lowell, is that you? |
| 238 | Phoebe? |
| 239 | Oh, my God! Unbelievable. |
| 240 | Oh, my God. |
| 241 | Oh. Well, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. |
| 242 | Ross, this is my old friend Lowell from the streets. |
| 243 | ( laughs ) |
| 244 | Lowell, Ross. |
| 245 | Ross, nice to meet you. |
| 246 | Yeah, a real pleasure. |
| 247 | Oh. It's been so long. |
| 248 | Oh, so long. |
| 249 | I can't believe you're still doing this. |
| 250 | Uh, I know... but I quit smoking. |
| 251 | Good for you. |
| 252 | So, you look |
| 253 | like you're doing really well. |
| 254 | I guess your mugging days are behind you. |
| 255 | Oh. |
| 256 | Oh, my God! |
| 257 | Phoebe, you used to mug people? |
| 258 | Excuse me, Ross. |
| 259 | Old friends catching up. |
| 260 | ( laughing ) |
| 261 | Hey. |
| 262 | Hey. How did the audition go? |
| 263 | Well, they want to see me again this afternoon, |
| 264 | but, uh, boy, Leonard Hayes did not like me. |
| 265 | What happened? |
| 266 | Uh, he said I wasn't urgent enough, you know, |
| 267 | and that everything I did was horizontal, |
| 268 | and I should be more vertical. |
| 269 | Oh, and he said that I should think less. |
| 270 | Well, so far, so good. |
| 271 | Honey, I'm old. |
| 272 | What's wrong? |
| 273 | I am so much older than other these interns. |
| 274 | I can't compete with them. |
| 275 | So, you're a little older. |
| 276 | Try to look at the positive. |
| 277 | You have all this life experience. |
| 278 | Yes, but I don't think |
| 279 | life experience is going to help me... |
| 280 | with these. |
| 281 | Wow! |
| 282 | It's like they're on fire. |
| 283 | What are they? |
| 284 | They're these prototype sneakers, |
| 285 | and I have to come up with ideas |
| 286 | on how to sell them, which I can't do, |
| 287 | because no self-respecting adult would ever wear these. |
| 288 | I'll give you $500 for them. |
| 289 | What am I supposed to do with these? |
| 290 | All right, come on. Sneakers are easy. |
| 291 | You wear sneakers all the time. |
| 292 | Well, first of all, |
| 293 | they're not called sneakers anymore. |
| 294 | Apparently, they're called "kicks" or "skids." |
| 295 | And I think heard somebody say "slorps." |
| 296 | Here, look. |
| 297 | They got these wheels that pop out from the bottom |
| 298 | so you can roll around, |
| 299 | because, apparently, walking is too much exercise. |
| 300 | Kids, kids, roll your way to childhood obesity. |
| 301 | Would you help me try to sell these? |
| 302 | Okay, have you considered using a girl with huge knockers? |
| 303 | I-I don't think that's the kind of thing they're looking for. |
| 304 | Hey, that'd work on me. |
| 305 | Why do you think I buy Mrs. Butterworth's? |
| 306 | Hey. |
| 307 | Hey. Hey. |
| 308 | Hey, you'll never guess what just happened. |
| 309 | ( groans ) Phoebe and I got mugged! |
| 310 | Are you okay? |
| 311 | Yeah, because Phoebe knew the mugger. |
| 312 | How do you know a mugger? |
| 313 | I'm sorry I have friends outside the six of us. |
| 314 | You want to know how she knew him? |
| 315 | Because Phoebe used to mug people. |
| 316 | Seriously? |
| 317 | Well, I'm not proud of it. |
| 318 | But, you know, sometimes, when I was living on the street |
| 319 | and I needed money for food and stuff, I... |
| 320 | Phoebe, that is awful. |
| 321 | Well, okay, I wasn't rich like you guys, okay? |
| 322 | I didn't eat gold and have a flying pony. |
| 323 | I had a hard life. |
| 324 | My mother was killed by a drug dealer. |
| 325 | Your mother killed herself. |
| 326 | She was a drug dealer! |
| 327 | Well, anyway, it was a good thing Phoebe knew him |
| 328 | because I was about to do some serious damage. |
| 329 | ( chuckling ): Okay. |
| 330 | Wow, this must have brought back |
| 331 | some really bad memories for you, Ross. |
| 332 | Why? |
| 333 | Well, Ross was mugged as a kid. |
| 334 | You were? Yeah. |
| 335 | And it was pretty traumatic. |
| 336 | It was outside St. Mark's Comics. |
| 337 | You know, I was just there minding my own business, |
| 338 | you know, seeing what kind of trouble |
| 339 | Spider-Man got into that week. |
| 340 | ( coughing ): Wonder Woman. |
| 341 | Anyway, I was heading towards this bakery, you know, |
| 342 | to pick up a couple of dozen Linzertortes for someone. |
| 343 | When out of nowhere, this-this thug with a pipe jumps out |
| 344 | and says, "Give me your money, punk!" |
| 345 | Oh, my God. I know. |
| 346 | Yeah, and the worst part was they took my backpack |
| 347 | which had all the original artwork I had done |
| 348 | for my own comic book, Science Boy. |
| 349 | Oh, yeah. |
| 350 | What was his superpower again? |
| 351 | A superhuman thirst for knowledge. |
| 352 | I-I better get to class. |
| 353 | Are there any more of your friends |
| 354 | I should look out for on my way, Phoebe? |
| 355 | No. Actually, you might want to stay away from Jane Street. |
| 356 | That's where Stabby Joe works. |
| 357 | Okay, I think we have a problem here. |
| 358 | What? |
| 359 | Well, um, back in my mugging days, you know, |
| 360 | I, um, I worked St. Mark's Comics. |
| 361 | Yeah? |
| 362 | Well, a pipe was my weapon of choice. |
| 363 | And, um, preteen comic book nerds were my meat. |
| 364 | So? |
| 365 | Well, there was this one kid |
| 366 | who had a sticker on his backpack that said, |
| 367 | "Geology rocks." "Geology rocks." |
| 368 | Oh, my God. |
| 369 | I know! I mugged Ross! |
| 370 | You're late. |
| 371 | I know, I'm sorry. |
| 372 | But can I just have a quick second |
| 373 | to run to the bathroom? |
| 374 | No. Leonard doesn't wait. |
| 375 | But I am bursting with Yoo-hoo. |
| 376 | Joey, here we go. |
| 377 | Let's go, very quickly. |
| 378 | Actually, I really need... |
| 379 | We must go now, quickly, please. |
| 380 | Okay, yes, sir. |
| 381 | Aah... |
| 382 | Ready? |
| 383 | What the hell are you still doing here? |
| 384 | I think you know. |
| 385 | Oh, you sick bastard. |
| 386 | I am what you made me. |
| 387 | You know what? What? |
| 388 | I could go right now. |
| 389 | Then go, go. |
| 390 | Oh, I-I can't. |
| 391 | I want to, but I can't. |
| 392 | Cut. |
| 393 | That was good. |
| 394 | That was very good. |
| 395 | You did everything I asked for. |
| 396 | I did? Yes, plus, what, you've got this, |
| 397 | I don't know what you got going-- |
| 398 | this squirmy quality |
| 399 | Well, I... that you're bringing to the character |
| 400 | that I couldn't have even imagined. |
| 401 | Wow. Hey, here's what we're going to do. |
| 402 | Come back tomorrow for the final call-backs |
| 403 | with the backers, do all of this-- |
| 404 | what you got going now-- but you know what? More. More. |
| 405 | Can you do that? |
| 406 | Sure, yeah. I-I don't have time |
| 407 | to say thank you because I really got to go. |
| 408 | Look at that. |
| 409 | Still in character. |
| 410 | I like it. |
| 411 | I plant seeds... |
| 412 | I can't explain it. |
| 413 | I don't know. |
| 414 | Hey. |
| 415 | Hey. What are you doing? |
| 416 | Putting on the sneakers. |
| 417 | Thought I'd get in the younger mindset. |
| 418 | You know, see if it sparked anything. |
| 419 | Oh, anything yet? |
| 420 | Yes, how's this? |
| 421 | "They're so uncomfortable, |
| 422 | it's like getting kicked in the nuts for your feet." |
| 423 | Hey. |
| 424 | Hi. Hey. |
| 425 | ( humming ) ( rummaging ) |
| 426 | Probably wondering what I'm doing. |
| 427 | No, that seems about right. |
| 428 | Yesterday, at my audition, I really had to pee |
| 429 | and apparently, having to pee makes me a really good actor. |
| 430 | I got a call-back, so I'm drinking everything. |
| 431 | Oh, hey, by the way. Mm-hmm. |
| 432 | That eggnog in our fridge was great. |
| 433 | Joey, that was formula. |
| 434 | We got to get more of that. |
| 435 | You know what, these aren't half bad. |
| 436 | You should suggest |
| 437 | something like these to Ralph Lauren. |
| 438 | Okay, first of all, that's stupid. |
| 439 | And second of all, I'm not allowed to talk to Ralph. |
| 440 | All right. |
| 441 | I feel younger already. |
| 442 | Yeah, I think I broke my hip. |
| 443 | Hey, you. |
| 444 | Hey. |
| 445 | Hey. |
| 446 | How was class? |
| 447 | No one ever asks me that. |
| 448 | What's wrong? |
| 449 | Nothing. |
| 450 | I really want to know. |
| 451 | Oh, uh... |
| 452 | Well, um, it was actually a rather lively discussion |
| 453 | about the Pleistocene... |
| 454 | All right, nothing is worth this. |
| 455 | Um, I have a... I have a confession to make. |
| 456 | Um, okay, you know that, um, that girl that mugged you |
| 457 | when you were a kid? |
| 458 | What-what are you talking about? |
| 459 | It wasn't a girl. |
| 460 | It was this-this huge dude. |
| 461 | You don't have to lie anymore, Ross. |
| 462 | I know that it was a 14-year-old girl. |
| 463 | No, it wasn't. |
| 464 | Yes, it was! |
| 465 | No, it wasn't! |
| 466 | You don't think I would have defended myself |
| 467 | against a 14-year-old... |
| 468 | Give your money, punk. |
| 469 | Oh, my God, it was you! |
| 470 | I can't believe it. |
| 471 | You... you mugged me?! |
| 472 | Yeah. |
| 473 | And I'm so, so sorry, Ross. |
| 474 | I'm sorry. |
| 475 | But, you know, if you think about it, it's kind of neat. |
| 476 | I mean, |
| 477 | well, it-it's just that |
| 478 | I've always felt kind of like an outsider. |
| 479 | You know, the rest of you |
| 480 | have these connections that go way back. |
| 481 | And, you know, now you and I have... have a great one. |
| 482 | It's not the best. |
| 483 | I know. I'm s... |
| 484 | Please, forgive me. |
| 485 | I don't know what to say. |
| 486 | There's nothing you can say. |
| 487 | That was the most humiliating thing that ever happened to me. |
| 488 | Really? Even more humiliating than...? |
| 489 | Let's not do this. |
| 490 | ...and then, at the end of the commercial, |
| 491 | the girls get out of the hot tub, |
| 492 | start making out with each other. |
| 493 | Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? |
| 494 | That's interesting. |
| 495 | Just one thought. |
| 496 | You didn't mention the shoes. |
| 497 | Who's next? |
| 498 | Chandler. |
| 499 | Okay. You start on the image of a guy putting on the shoes. |
| 500 | He's about my age. |
| 501 | ( scoffs ): Your age? |
| 502 | Uh-huh! |
| 503 | So, he's rolling down the street |
| 504 | and he starts to lose control. |
| 505 | You know, maybe he falls. |
| 506 | Maybe he hurts himself. |
| 507 | Just then, a kid comes flying by wearing the shoes. |
| 508 | He jumps over the old guy and laughs. |
| 509 | And the line reads, "Not suitable for adults." |
| 510 | Chandler, that's great. |
| 511 | Ah, thank you, sir. |
| 512 | Or man-who's-two-years-younger- than-me. |
| 513 | You see, that has a clear selling point. |
| 514 | It appeals to our key demographic. |
| 515 | How did you come up with that? |
| 516 | I don't know, I don't know, I don't know! |
| 517 | I was just... I tried to get in the young mindset |
| 518 | and, you know, stuff started to flow. |
| 519 | Well, that is great. |
| 520 | Good work. |
| 521 | Thank you. |
| 522 | We'll see all of you tomorrow. |
| 523 | Okay. |
| 524 | The cold weather hurts my hip. |
| 525 | Hey, Ross. |
| 526 | Okay, look, |
| 527 | I know you're still mad at me |
| 528 | but can I just talk to you for a sec? |
| 529 | Sure, go ahead. |
| 530 | Oh, sorry. |
| 531 | Sure, go ahead. |
| 532 | I just really wanted to apologize again. |
| 533 | And-and also show you something |
| 534 | I think you'll find very exciting. |
| 535 | Oh, my God! |
| 536 | "Crap from the street"! |
| 537 | Look, Ross, in this box are all the things I got from mugging |
| 538 | that I thought were too special to sell... or smoke. |
| 539 | Anyway, I was looking through it and I found... |
| 540 | Science Boy. |
| 541 | ( quietly ): Oh, my God. |
| 542 | I never thought I'd see this again. |
| 543 | What...? Uh... |
| 544 | It's all here. |
| 545 | Oh, I-I... Wha...? |
| 546 | What made you save it all these years? |
| 547 | I guess I just thought it was really good. |
| 548 | And-and maybe it would be worth something one day. |
| 549 | You really thought Science Boy was worth saving? |
| 550 | Well, yeah. |
| 551 | But you should know, I also have a jar of Vaseline |
| 552 | and a cat skull in here. |
| 553 | Still, this-this is amazing. |
| 554 | Oh, my God. |
| 555 | Thank you, Phoebe. |
| 556 | Oh, you're welcome. |
| 557 | And thank you, for Science Boy. |
| 558 | I learned a lot from him. |
| 559 | You're welcome. |
| 560 | I need an answer! |
| 561 | I-I can't tell you something I don't know. |
| 562 | You know! |
| 563 | I don't know. |
| 564 | I need an answer, now! |
| 565 | All right, all right. |
| 566 | Here, you want an answer? |
| 567 | The answer is... |
| 568 | Oh...! |
| 569 | She never loved me. |
| 570 | She only loved you. |
| 571 | You knew this all along and you never told me? |
| 572 | You never told me? |
| 573 | I can never forgive you. I can never forgive myself. |
| 574 | I have nothing to live for. Bang, end scene. |
| 575 | ( breathing deeply ) |
| 576 | Absolutely amazing. |
| 577 | The part is yours. |
| 578 | Oh, thanks. |
| 579 | Thanks. Now I really have to get going... |
| 580 | Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. |
| 581 | Congratulations. |
| 582 | You did it. You did it. |
| 583 | Oh, you can relax now. |
| 584 | Yeah. |
| 585 | ( sighing with relief ) |
| 586 | Huh. You don't have a job, |
| 587 | but you have no problem ordering porn. |
| 588 | On a Saturday afternoon? |
| 589 | I was in the house. |
| 590 | Hey, uh, Phoebe didn't by any chance mention that...? |
| 591 | She was the huge guy that mugged you? Yeah. |
| 592 | I see. |
| 593 | You didn't happen to tell...? |
| 594 | Everybody we know? Yeah. |
| 595 | Great. Thanks. |
| 596 | Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org |
| 597 | |
| 1 | Have you seen our bank statement? |
| 2 | Can this be right? |
| 3 | I know. |
| 4 | God, I haven't seen my savings take a hit like this |
| 5 | since I was a kid and they came up with Doublestuf Oreos. |
| 6 | What happened to all of our money? |
| 7 | Well, I'm not sure exactly what they did, |
| 8 | but I'm inclined to blame Enron. |
| 9 | Well, I guess with you |
| 10 | doing the internship, |
| 11 | we're just spending more than we're bringing in. |
| 12 | Yeah, maybe I should quit and get a job that pays. |
| 13 | But you're finally doing something that you love. |
| 14 | I can't ask you to give that up. |
| 15 | Although it would be nice if the thing that you loved |
| 16 | is, you know, finding gold. |
| 17 | You know what, you know what? |
| 18 | I think we're making too big a deal out of this. |
| 19 | Okay, so we pay our bills a little late this month, |
| 20 | and maybe next month we cut back on a few things. |
| 21 | And maybe we start eating |
| 22 | out of Joey's refrigerator for a change. |
| 23 | You're a chef. |
| 24 | What can you make out of baking soda and beer? |
| 25 | All right, worst case scenario, |
| 26 | is we borrow some money from my parents. |
| 27 | No. We're not borrowing money. |
| 28 | Why not? Because we don't do that. |
| 29 | We are Bings. |
| 30 | If there's one thing |
| 31 | my father taught me it was... |
| 32 | well, to always knock before going into the pool house. |
| 33 | But the other thing was never borrow money. |
| 34 | Wow, I had no idea you had this much pride. |
| 35 | That's right, I do. I am your man. |
| 36 | And I am going to get us through this situation, |
| 37 | even if it means you working twice as hard. |
| 38 | ♪ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ♪ |
| 39 | ♪ Your job's a joke, you're broke ♪ |
| 40 | ♪ Your love life's D.O.A. ♪ |
| 41 | ♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪ |
| 42 | ♪ When it hasn't been your day, your week ♪ |
| 43 | ♪ Your month, or even your year ♪ |
| 44 | ♪ But I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 45 | ♪ 'Cause you're there for me, too. ♪ |
| 46 | I'm going to go. |
| 47 | Why? |
| 48 | I haven't been home in a couple days |
| 49 | and I need to get some more clothes. |
| 50 | You don't have to go. |
| 51 | I have something that will fit you. |
| 52 | I put that tube top on as a joke. |
| 53 | I want you to stay. |
| 54 | I want to stay too, but I've gotten about |
| 55 | as much use out of these boxers as I can. |
| 56 | Why don't you turn them inside...? |
| 57 | Done it. |
| 58 | I'll be back in a couple of hours. |
| 59 | I'll miss you. |
| 60 | Me, too. |
| 61 | You know what? |
| 62 | I just realized something. |
| 63 | I don't want to go home. |
| 64 | Great. Okay, I'll go get the tube top. |
| 65 | No, no. |
| 66 | What I mean is, |
| 67 | I hate going back to my apartment now. |
| 68 | Partly because I live above a known crack den, but... |
| 69 | you know, mostly because |
| 70 | when I'm there, I really miss you. |
| 71 | So... |
| 72 | do you want to move in together? |
| 73 | Wow, Mike Hanigan. |
| 74 | You sure know how to make a girl say, "Hell, yeah." |
| 75 | So we're doing it? |
| 76 | Yeah, let's do it. |
| 77 | Let's live together. |
| 78 | Wow, we're really going to move in together. |
| 79 | Yeah. |
| 80 | I've always wanted to live with a guy. |
| 81 | "You pick up your socks." |
| 82 | "Put down the toilet seat." |
| 83 | "No, we are not having sex anymore!" |
| 84 | It's going to be fun. |
| 85 | Hey, Joey. |
| 86 | Hey. |
| 87 | Listen, I need to know that... |
| 88 | that what I'm about to ask you, |
| 89 | will never get back to Chandler. |
| 90 | I'd be lying if I said |
| 91 | I hadn't thought about it myself. |
| 92 | But Chandler is my best friend. |
| 93 | It would be wrong. |
| 94 | Good, but wrong. |
| 95 | Okay, first of all, it would be great. |
| 96 | But that's not what I'm here to talk to you about. |
| 97 | I need to borrow some money. |
| 98 | Oh, I don't know, Monica. |
| 99 | You know |
| 100 | lending friends money is always a mistake. |
| 101 | But Chandler lent you money. |
| 102 | And I think he would tell you it was a mistake. |
| 103 | Come on, I need it for some rent |
| 104 | and some other bills. |
| 105 | Oh, uh... how much? |
| 106 | $2,000. |
| 107 | $2,000?! |
| 108 | What do you think I am, a soap opera star? |
| 109 | Yeah. |
| 110 | That's right, I am. |
| 111 | Hi, you guys. |
| 112 | Hey. Hey. |
| 113 | What's in the bag? |
| 114 | Oh, well, you know how Emma |
| 115 | started crawling? |
| 116 | I realized that this place is very unsafe for a baby. |
| 117 | So I went to the store and I got some stuff |
| 118 | to baby-proof the apartment. |
| 119 | Oh, God. Baby-proofing. |
| 120 | Why is this such a big deal now? |
| 121 | You know, when I was a kid, |
| 122 | it was like, "Oops, Joey fell down the stairs." |
| 123 | Or, "Oops, Joey electrocuted himself again." |
| 124 | Anyway, um... |
| 125 | Are you going to get a handyman |
| 126 | to install this stuff? |
| 127 | No, I was just going do it myself. |
| 128 | ( chuckles ) |
| 129 | You're going to do it? |
| 130 | Yeah. Why? |
| 131 | You don't think a woman can do this? |
| 132 | Oh, women can. |
| 133 | You... can't. |
| 134 | Monica, will you please tell Joey |
| 135 | that he is a pig. |
| 136 | You're a pig. |
| 137 | And you can't do this. |
| 138 | Wha...?! |
| 139 | What? Come on, I found the hardware store |
| 140 | all by myself. |
| 141 | The hardware store's right down the street. |
| 142 | There is a hardware store right down the street? |
| 143 | Okay, you guys... |
| 144 | Okay, we've got great news. |
| 145 | Phoebe and I are moving in together. |
| 146 | Congratulations! That's great. |
| 147 | That's great news. |
| 148 | I know. It's so exciting. |
| 149 | You know, I've never lived with a guy before. |
| 150 | It's just like living with a girl, |
| 151 | only they don't steal your makeup. |
| 152 | Unless they're playing |
| 153 | "this-is-what-my-sister- would-look-like. |
| 154 | Yeah, she's not so cute. |
| 155 | I'm going to go to the bathroom. |
| 156 | Okay, well, you put down the toilet seat. |
| 157 | Yes, dear. |
| 158 | Is that a bit you guys do? |
| 159 | Uh-huh. We're playing you two. |
| 160 | We don't do that. |
| 161 | Tell her we don't do that. |
| 162 | Yes, dear. |
| 163 | I can't believe you guys are moving in together. |
| 164 | I'm happy for you guys. |
| 165 | I hear wedding bells. |
| 166 | Monica, slow down, okay? |
| 167 | I'm just excited to be living with him. |
| 168 | You know, I mean, I don't know-- |
| 169 | can I see someday being married to Mike? |
| 170 | Sure. Yeah. |
| 171 | You know, I could picture myself walking down the aisle |
| 172 | in a wedding dress that highlights my breasts |
| 173 | in an obvious yet classy way. |
| 174 | You know, but do I want |
| 175 | that house in Connecticut? |
| 176 | You know, near the good schools |
| 177 | where Mike and I could send little Sophie and Mike, Jr.? |
| 178 | Oh, my God, I do. |
| 179 | Phoebe, I had no idea you were so conventional. |
| 180 | I know. I guess I am. |
| 181 | Oh, my God, load up the Volvo. |
| 182 | I want to be a soccer mom. |
| 183 | You ready to go? |
| 184 | Yeah, you bet, roomie. |
| 185 | Don't you mean "groomie"? |
| 186 | What are you talking about? |
| 187 | Please. These guys. |
| 188 | We haven't even moved in yet |
| 189 | and they have us picking out china patterns. |
| 190 | ( nervous laugh ) |
| 191 | I know. |
| 192 | We should go. |
| 193 | China patterns! |
| 194 | This is easy. |
| 195 | Can't do this. |
| 196 | Wow, seriously, can't do this. |
| 197 | CHANDLER: Hey, Joe. |
| 198 | Listen, um... I need to ask you a favor |
| 199 | and we can't tell Monica anything about it. |
| 200 | I thought you didn't have secrets from Monica. |
| 201 | And that will remain the official party line. |
| 202 | Look, Monica and I are having a little financial trouble. |
| 203 | Yeah, I know. |
| 204 | What? What do you mean you know? |
| 205 | Uh... |
| 206 | I just figured it out, you know. |
| 207 | I mean, you're not working |
| 208 | and the economy is bad. |
| 209 | Oh, right. |
| 210 | ( quietly ): That is the fastest I have ever thought. |
| 211 | Anyway, uh... |
| 212 | I need to borrow some money. |
| 213 | Oh, sure. How much? |
| 214 | $2,000? |
| 215 | Yes. $2,000 exactly. |
| 216 | How did you know that? |
| 217 | Uh, well, I, uh... I know how much you used to make |
| 218 | and I know how much your rent is. |
| 219 | Oh, okay. |
| 220 | I am on fire. |
| 221 | Listen, this is really nice. |
| 222 | Di... did you write a check to Monica for $2,000? |
| 223 | Did Monica borrow money from you? |
| 224 | Uh... kind of. |
| 225 | I can't believe her. |
| 226 | Did she tell you we were having money problems? |
| 227 | Oh, no, no, no, no. |
| 228 | It wasn't... it wasn't because of your money problems. |
| 229 | It was for something for her. |
| 230 | What? |
| 231 | Something personal. |
| 232 | What would she get for herself for $2,000 |
| 233 | that she wouldn't tell me about? |
| 234 | Excuse me. |
| 235 | Boob job. |
| 236 | I don't want her to get a boob job. |
| 237 | That's crazy. |
| 238 | It's not that crazy, okay? |
| 239 | Making them smaller-- that would be crazy. |
| 240 | Oh, hey, I wanted to ask you |
| 241 | about Monica's little "groomie" joke. |
| 242 | Oh, all right. |
| 243 | Well, I think the reason people laughed |
| 244 | is it's a play on the word "roomie." |
| 245 | No. I get the joke. |
| 246 | Sophisticated as it was. |
| 247 | No, the thing I want to say is... |
| 248 | Maybe we should have talked about this before. |
| 249 | Us living together-- |
| 250 | you're not expecting a proposal, right? |
| 251 | Oh, no, no, not at all. |
| 252 | Okay. |
| 253 | We're just moving in right now. |
| 254 | We'll see where it goes. |
| 255 | Yeah, well, that's the thing. |
| 256 | For me, it's as far as it can ever go. |
| 257 | What do you mean? |
| 258 | Look, Phoebe, I... I love you very much. |
| 259 | But I never want to get married again. |
| 260 | Oh. |
| 261 | Wow. |
| 262 | It's just, my first marriage was... |
| 263 | you know, such a disaster |
| 264 | that I kind of lost faith in the whole idea. |
| 265 | Was it really that bad? |
| 266 | At one point near the end, she deliberately defecated on... |
| 267 | Okay, well, that's bad, yeah. |
| 268 | But don't you think |
| 269 | it might be different with someone else? |
| 270 | Perhaps a blonde who always uses a toilet. |
| 271 | Except for once in the ocean. |
| 272 | Look, it's not about who I would marry. |
| 273 | I was certain the first time I got married |
| 274 | it would last forever, and I was totally wrong. |
| 275 | But it just... |
| 276 | Look, Phoebe, it's not about you. |
| 277 | I just never want to get married again. |
| 278 | Huh. |
| 279 | I'm sorry. |
| 280 | Are you okay with that? |
| 281 | Because if not, maybe us moving in together |
| 282 | isn't the best idea. |
| 283 | No. Oh, I definitely don't want to get married. |
| 284 | No, I just wanted to make sure |
| 285 | you didn't want to, too. |
| 286 | Whew. |
| 287 | Okay. |
| 288 | 'Cause, you know, if we move in |
| 289 | and you start changing your mind, |
| 290 | there's going to be hell to pay, mister. |
| 291 | Trust me, I will never... |
| 292 | Yeah, I get that, yeah. |
| 293 | Hey. |
| 294 | Hi. |
| 295 | So, you gave in and decided to call someone? |
| 296 | Yeah. I don't know who I was kidding. |
| 297 | I can barely use chopsticks. |
| 298 | You're all set. |
| 299 | Oh, thank you so much. |
| 300 | Oh, oh, wait. You forgot your, um... |
| 301 | your game. |
| 302 | Thank you. |
| 303 | Hey, Rach. |
| 304 | There she is, my perfectly proportioned wife. |
| 305 | Don't look at me. |
| 306 | I never get his jokes. |
| 307 | Thank you. |
| 308 | No, no, don't thank me, thank you. |
| 309 | Do you know there is not one thing |
| 310 | that I would change about you? |
| 311 | Not one single thing. |
| 312 | And definitely not... |
| 313 | two single things. |
| 314 | Okay, you're being weird. |
| 315 | Do you want sex or did you do something bad? |
| 316 | No, no, no. |
| 317 | I just love the way you look. |
| 318 | I am warm for your form. |
| 319 | Okay, um, you know the old classics, like, you know, |
| 320 | "you look nice"? |
| 321 | They're still okay. |
| 322 | Well, yes, yes, but "you look nice" |
| 323 | can mean that I'm saying, like, your face looks nice. |
| 324 | I want to compliment your body. |
| 325 | I mean, |
| 326 | I wouldn't change it at all. |
| 327 | And more specifically, |
| 328 | I wouldn't want anything to get any bigger. |
| 329 | Okay. |
| 330 | I mean, you wouldn't want any part of me |
| 331 | to get any bigger, would you? |
| 332 | Don't answer that. |
| 333 | Just when you thought that dude couldn't get any weirder. |
| 334 | I know. I know, why do you think |
| 335 | he was so worried about me getting bigger? |
| 336 | I don't know. |
| 337 | I mean, what brought that on? |
| 338 | Oh, my God. |
| 339 | Oh, my God, you know, we're trying to get pregnant, |
| 340 | so he's probably starting to freak out about the fact |
| 341 | that my body's going to change. |
| 342 | No, you really think that's what it is? |
| 343 | You heard him? |
| 344 | "No bigger, you're perfect. |
| 345 | Just don't get any bigger." |
| 346 | My God, he sounded just like my high school wrestling coach. |
| 347 | You know what? |
| 348 | I'm going to have to talk to Chandler. |
| 349 | Yeah. If you don't, I will. |
| 350 | Of course your body's going to change. |
| 351 | Your breasts are going to get bigger. |
| 352 | Your ass is going to get bigger. |
| 353 | You're going to lose bladder control. |
| 354 | God, it's just such a magical time. |
| 355 | ( knocking ) |
| 356 | Hi. Hey. |
| 357 | Listen, I wanted to ask you something about marriage. |
| 358 | Oh, great, now you're seeking me out to make jokes? |
| 359 | I mean, I can see if we're all hanging out, |
| 360 | but to come to my home. |
| 361 | No. |
| 362 | No, I really want to know how you feel about it. |
| 363 | Why? |
| 364 | Mike doesn't ever want to get married. |
| 365 | Never? |
| 366 | Never. |
| 367 | Wow. |
| 368 | Well, are you still going to move in with him? |
| 369 | Well, I want to, but... I just wanted you to tell me |
| 370 | that marriage really isn't that big a deal, you know? |
| 371 | That I won't be missing out on anything. |
| 372 | That marriage stinks. |
| 373 | Yeah... marriage stinks. |
| 374 | I mean |
| 375 | if you want to see a man gain weight |
| 376 | and a woman stop shaving, get them married. |
| 377 | That's not how you really feel, is it? |
| 378 | No, I'm sorry. |
| 379 | Look, I know it's not what you want to hear right now, |
| 380 | but I can't help it-- I love marriage. |
| 381 | Seriously, you divorce-o? |
| 382 | If you have to call me a name, I prefer Ross, the Divorcer. |
| 383 | It's just cooler. |
| 384 | Look, look... |
| 385 | I know my marriages didn't exactly work out, but... |
| 386 | you know, I loved being that committed |
| 387 | to another person. |
| 388 | And Carol and I had some good times |
| 389 | before she became a lesbian... |
| 390 | and once afterward. |
| 391 | Anyway, I-I'm sorry. |
| 392 | Oh, that's okay. |
| 393 | That's how you feel. |
| 394 | But, come on, I mean, living together will be great. |
| 395 | I mean, you guys have so much fun, and you love Mike. |
| 396 | I do love Mike. |
| 397 | Yeah, see? |
| 398 | And you were so excited about moving in together before, |
| 399 | and you know what, you should be; it's a big deal. |
| 400 | Yeah, I guess you're right. |
| 401 | Yeah, thanks. |
| 402 | This helped. Thanks. |
| 403 | The Divorcer to the rescue. |
| 404 | It's not cooler. |
| 405 | Yeah, I just heard it. |
| 406 | ( chuckling excitedly ) |
| 407 | Rach? |
| 408 | Rachel! |
| 409 | So, I can't do anything I like?! |
| 410 | Hey, Rach. |
| 411 | Aah... perfection. |
| 412 | Wouldn't change a thing, not a thing. |
| 413 | Yeah, honey? |
| 414 | Yeah? |
| 415 | About that. |
| 416 | Um... I'm going to change. |
| 417 | Yes, but, honey, you... you don't have to. |
| 418 | I'm going to get bigger. |
| 419 | Honey, I... |
| 420 | I love your breasts the way they are. |
| 421 | Uh, fascist. |
| 422 | Well, my breasts are going to get bigger |
| 423 | whether you like it or not. |
| 424 | And you know what? It's not just my breasts. |
| 425 | My ass is going to get bigger, too. |
| 426 | Your ass? |
| 427 | Yeah, and don't be surprised |
| 428 | if her hands and her feet get bigger, too. |
| 429 | They do that? |
| 430 | It's kind of a package deal. |
| 431 | God, why... why would you want to do that to yourself? |
| 432 | I thought it was something that we both wanted. |
| 433 | ( sighs ) |
| 434 | All right, look, if it means that much to you, |
| 435 | I may be able to get on board with the big boobs, |
| 436 | but the giant ass and the big clown feet? |
| 437 | Oh, my God, Chandler. |
| 438 | If you can't handle this, |
| 439 | what are you going to be like in the hospital |
| 440 | with the blood and the screaming |
| 441 | and the little person that's shooting out of her? |
| 442 | What? |
| 443 | Joey, why did you tell Chandler |
| 444 | that Monica was getting a boob job? |
| 445 | Because she is. |
| 446 | Joey, Chandler knows I borrowed the money. |
| 447 | Mm-hmm, for your boob job. |
| 448 | Joe. Stop it. It's over. |
| 449 | Okay, so, I'm out $4,000 |
| 450 | and nobody's boobs are getting any bigger? |
| 451 | Hey, hey, what do you guys think about this: |
| 452 | Ross, the Divorce Force. |
| 453 | Better. |
| 454 | Yeah? |
| 455 | Very cool. |
| 456 | Hey, Pheebs, you know, I-I'm really glad you came |
| 457 | to talk to me the other day |
| 458 | and I hope I was a little helpful. |
| 459 | Oh, yeah, you were helpful. |
| 460 | Yeah. No, thank you. |
| 461 | Good, good. |
| 462 | Yeah, 'cause the more I thought about it, the more I realized |
| 463 | I don't think marriage is necessarily |
| 464 | the right path for you. |
| 465 | What do you mean? |
| 466 | Well, I know the other day |
| 467 | in the coffeehouse |
| 468 | you were all caught up in the whole soccer-mom thing, |
| 469 | but... is that really you? |
| 470 | I mean, can you honestly picture yourself in a Volvo? |
| 471 | They are awfully boxy. |
| 472 | I mean, |
| 473 | I don't know, you'd be so bored with marriage. |
| 474 | I mean, it's so... normal. |
| 475 | Uh-huh. Yeah. |
| 476 | Hey, hey, can I help? |
| 477 | CHANDLER: Well, we climbed up |
| 478 | four flights of stairs, maneuvered a narrow hallway, |
| 479 | dodged a rabid pit bull, |
| 480 | but these last feet are where it gets really tricky. |
| 481 | You know, sometimes your words-- they hurt. |
| 482 | Hey, uh, where do you guys want this? |
| 483 | Yeah, seriously, 'cause this is really heavy. |
| 484 | I mean, not for me, |
| 485 | because I'm only pretending to hold it, |
| 486 | but for these guys. |
| 487 | Just one last time, um, the marriage thing, |
| 488 | there's no wiggle room? |
| 489 | None at all? |
| 490 | No, but you don't want to get married either, right? |
| 491 | Right. |
| 492 | Except that I do want to get married. |
| 493 | Couldn't have had this conversation |
| 494 | down at the truck, huh? |
| 495 | What? You want to get married? |
| 496 | Someday. |
| 497 | And... hernia. |
| 498 | I haven't exactly had a normal life |
| 499 | and I never really felt |
| 500 | like I was missing out on anything, |
| 501 | but... it just, |
| 502 | it feels like now it's my turn |
| 503 | to have some of the regular stuff. |
| 504 | If you wanted to get married, |
| 505 | why didn't you say something before? |
| 506 | Because I just didn't know how much I wanted it, |
| 507 | and I-I love you and I wanted to live with you. |
| 508 | I want to live with you, too. I mean, let's do that. |
| 509 | But I-I don't think I can. |
| 510 | It was-it was okay to move in |
| 511 | when I didn't know what was going to happen, |
| 512 | but I-I can't move in |
| 513 | knowing nothing is ever going to happen. |
| 514 | Can you at least try living together? |
| 515 | I mean, you might change your mind about marriage. |
| 516 | Are you going to change yours? |
| 517 | No. |
| 518 | Me neither. |
| 519 | Um... I think I need to be with someone |
| 520 | who wants what I want. |
| 521 | But I don't want this to end. |
| 522 | Well, I don't want it to end, either. |
| 523 | I can't believe this is going to end. |
| 524 | I guess I'll have my stuff picked up. |
| 525 | Yeah, okay. |
| 526 | Okay, so, uh... |
| 527 | Good-bye. |
| 528 | Take it easy, Mike. |
| 529 | Good luck. Bye, Mike. |
| 530 | See you later, Mike. Bye-bye, now. |
| 531 | I'm so sorry, Pheebs. |
| 532 | We're all sorry. |
| 533 | Look on the bright side, |
| 534 | I mean, at least you won't have to live with this ugly chair. |
| 535 | That was here already, huh? |
| 536 | I love you. |
| 537 | ( kissing ) |
| 538 | Aah! I did it! |
| 539 | I did it! Ha-ha! |
| 540 | All right. |
| 541 | I better take all I can carry. |
| 542 | Who knows when I'll be able to get in here again, huh? |
| 543 | Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org |
| 544 | |
| 1 | Hey, you ready to go? |
| 2 | Oh, yeah. Let me just finish this. |
| 3 | JOEY: Hey, Ross. |
| 4 | Check this out. |
| 5 | Yeah, I can't do that. |
| 6 | What are you doing? |
| 7 | Hey, have you seen this? |
| 8 | It's our new alumni Web site for college. |
| 9 | It's cool. You can post messages for people, |
| 10 | let everyone know what you're up to. |
| 11 | Oh, great, a faster way to tell people |
| 12 | that I'm unemployed and childless. |
| 13 | It's, it's actually kind of interesting |
| 14 | to find out what people are doing. |
| 15 | Remember Andrea Rich? |
| 16 | That tall girl that wouldn't sleep with you? Uh-huh, uh-huh. |
| 17 | Well, her Internet company went under, |
| 18 | and she lost an ear in a boating accident. |
| 19 | Bet she'd sleep with you now. |
| 20 | No, I already e-mailed her. |
| 21 | Let me see what you wrote about yourself. |
| 22 | Oh. |
| 23 | "Doctor Paleontology, two kids..." |
| 24 | Wait a second, you split with Carol |
| 25 | because you had different interests? |
| 26 | I think you split with Carol |
| 27 | because you had one very similar interest. |
| 28 | You know what? I'm going to finish this later, okay? |
| 29 | Let me just grab my coat. |
| 30 | Okay. |
| 31 | What, did you think you learned how to do it |
| 32 | in the last two minutes? |
| 33 | Maybe we finish this for him. |
| 34 | "Also, I cloned a dinosaur in my lab. |
| 35 | "She's now my girlfriend. |
| 36 | "I don't care what society says, |
| 37 | it's the best sex I've ever had." |
| 38 | ( snickers ) |
| 39 | And.... send. |
| 40 | No, no, whoa! You can't do that to him. |
| 41 | All right, let's go. |
| 42 | Dude. |
| 43 | I think you made it clear |
| 44 | you can't be trusted with the ball inside the house. |
| 45 | And... send. |
| 46 | ♪ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ♪ |
| 47 | ♪ Your job's a joke, you're broke ♪ |
| 48 | ♪ Your love life's D.O.A. ♪ |
| 49 | ♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪ |
| 50 | ♪ When it hasn't been your day, your week ♪ |
| 51 | ♪ Your month, or even your year ♪ |
| 52 | ♪ But I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 53 | ♪ 'Cause you're there for me, too. ♪ |
| 54 | Hey... how was basketball? |
| 55 | Well, it was a lot of fun. |
| 56 | Yeah, right up until Chandler got a finger in the eye. |
| 57 | Oh, no. Who did that? |
| 58 | Chandler, yeah. |
| 59 | Hey. |
| 60 | Uh, Rach. Yeah? |
| 61 | What's Huggsy doing in the crib with Emma? |
| 62 | Oh, well, she was just crawling around and she found him. |
| 63 | So, I just let her sleep with him. |
| 64 | That's all right, isn't that? |
| 65 | Oh, oh, of course. Yeah. |
| 66 | It's a stuffed animal, you know. |
| 67 | It's for kids, not for adults. |
| 68 | I know that. |
| 69 | Joey, you-you sure? |
| 70 | I mean, I know how much you love him. |
| 71 | Rachel, let's, let's be clear, okay? I do not love Huggsy. |
| 72 | I like him a normal amount. |
| 73 | RACHEL: All right. |
| 74 | Well, Emma loves him. |
| 75 | Yeah, well, why wouldn't she? He's a wonderful person. |
| 76 | ( door shuts ) |
| 77 | Hi. Oh, hey, Phoebe. |
| 78 | How you doing? |
| 79 | You feeling better? |
| 80 | Breaking up sucks. |
| 81 | Oh, I really miss Mike. |
| 82 | Oh, I'm so sorry. |
| 83 | I've tried everything to make myself feel better; |
| 84 | even tried writing a song about it, |
| 85 | but I can't think of anything that rhymes with... |
| 86 | ( pained wail ) |
| 87 | Hey, Monica, I'm going to need your help getting through this. |
| 88 | Hey, you're not going to need my help? |
| 89 | Well, no, when I get to the point where I'm ready to hear |
| 90 | cruel mocking jokes about Mike, I'm going to come to you. |
| 91 | Oh, great, 'cause I've already thought of three-- four! |
| 92 | I just thought of a fourth. |
| 93 | Okay, I mean I know I did the right thing. |
| 94 | You know, Mike never wants to get married, |
| 95 | and I shouldn't be in a relationship that has no future. |
| 96 | But pretty soon I'm going to miss him so much, |
| 97 | I'm going to want to see him again, |
| 98 | and you have to stop me from doing that. |
| 99 | Okay, you got it. |
| 100 | Unless... Am I being too crazy about this? |
| 101 | All right, so, you know, there's no future, |
| 102 | but that doesn't mean we still can't have fun. |
| 103 | You know what? Forget what I said. |
| 104 | Really? All right, if that's what you want. |
| 105 | That was a test, and you just failed. |
| 106 | Damn it! Rookie mistake. |
| 107 | I have sex with dinosaurs?! |
| 108 | I believe I read that somewhere. |
| 109 | Not only is it not funny, it's physically impossible. |
| 110 | Okay? Depending on the species, |
| 111 | I'd have to have a six-foot long-- |
| 112 | It's not funny! |
| 113 | I respectfully disagree. |
| 114 | I can't believe you put that on my alumni page. |
| 115 | Who cares? Nobody reads those things. |
| 116 | Well, you better hope not, |
| 117 | because I just read what you put on your page today. |
| 118 | I don't have a page. |
| 119 | Oh, oh, oh, I respectfully disagree! |
| 120 | JOEY ( thinking ): Look at you, |
| 121 | all sweet and innocent, sleeping like an angel... |
| 122 | with Emma's chubby little hands wrapped around you. |
| 123 | It's okay, Emma, you stay asleep. |
| 124 | ( cries ) |
| 125 | Step away from the crib! |
| 126 | I have a weapon! |
| 127 | It's okay! |
| 128 | It's okay, Rach, it's me! |
| 129 | Put down the scrunchie. |
| 130 | What are you doing? |
| 131 | Well, I heard Emma stirring, |
| 132 | so-so I came in to make sure she could reach Huggsy. |
| 133 | Oh. |
| 134 | Oh, thanks. |
| 135 | All right, well, now that I'm up, |
| 136 | I'm going to go to the bathroom. |
| 137 | Okay, there you go, sweetie, oh... |
| 138 | This isn't over. |
| 139 | All right, wait a second. |
| 140 | Why would Ross tell everyone in your class |
| 141 | that you are "as gay as the day is long"? |
| 142 | Because I told everyone he slept with dinosaurs. |
| 143 | Well, that's clearly a joke. |
| 144 | This could easily be true. |
| 145 | ( phone ringing ) |
| 146 | Would you get that, please? |
| 147 | People have been calling to congratulate me all day. |
| 148 | Hello? |
| 149 | No, he's not here. |
| 150 | Yeah, this is his wife. |
| 151 | Yeah, well, it came as quite a shock to me, too. |
| 152 | Well, I guess I should have known. |
| 153 | Yeah, I mean he just kept making me watch Moulin Rouge. |
| 154 | Hang up. |
| 155 | Hang up! |
| 156 | And that was a great movie. |
| 157 | I'm so going to get back at Ross. |
| 158 | Oh, yeah, this will show him. |
| 159 | Here we go. |
| 160 | What are you doing? |
| 161 | Oh, you'll see, my friend! |
| 162 | I'm dead?! |
| 163 | And so young. |
| 164 | Posting that I died? |
| 165 | That really isn't funny. |
| 166 | Well, how you died was funny. |
| 167 | Oh, please. Hit by a blimp? |
| 168 | It kills over one Americans every year. |
| 169 | Unbelievable. |
| 170 | My classmates are going to think I'm dead. |
| 171 | My professors, my.... my parents are going to get phone calls. |
| 172 | You're messing with people's feelings here. |
| 173 | Oh, you want to talk about people's feelings? |
| 174 | You should have heard how hurt Professor Stern was yesterday |
| 175 | when I told him I wouldn't be able to go with him to Key West! |
| 176 | You've really crossed the line here, but that's okay. |
| 177 | That's okay, 'cause I'm on my way |
| 178 | to buy some Photoshop software and a stack of gay porn. |
| 179 | That's right, your coming out is about to get real graphic! |
| 180 | Oh, God, I wish Mike were here. |
| 181 | Okay, if Mike were here, |
| 182 | what would the two of you be doing? |
| 183 | What are you, animals? |
| 184 | It's 4:00 in the afternoon. |
| 185 | I got to call him. |
| 186 | Just-just to talk to him. |
| 187 | There's no harm in that. |
| 188 | Phoebe, that's how it starts. |
| 189 | "I don't need to eat the cake, I'll just smell the icing. |
| 190 | Why not just a little sliver," |
| 191 | or, "Okay, just a-a slice or two." |
| 192 | You know, the next thing you know, you're 210 pounds, |
| 193 | and you get wedged in going down the tunnel slide. |
| 194 | Phoebe, honey, I know this is hard. |
| 195 | Look, if you talk to him, |
| 196 | then you're really going to want to see him. |
| 197 | And if you see him, |
| 198 | you're going to want to get back together with him. |
| 199 | I know that's not what you want. |
| 200 | Give me your phone. |
| 201 | Here. |
| 202 | And now your cell. |
| 203 | Okay. |
| 204 | Here you go. |
| 205 | This is your cell phone? |
| 206 | Yes. |
| 207 | This is your current cell phone? |
| 208 | Yes. |
| 209 | It reminds me of a simpler time. |
| 210 | Phoebe, where's your purse? |
| 211 | Hey! No, no! |
| 212 | Give it to me! |
| 213 | You can't have it. |
| 214 | Give it to me! |
| 215 | No. |
| 216 | I'll go in there. |
| 217 | Oh, yeah, right. Phoebe, come here! |
| 218 | No. Give it to me! |
| 219 | Whoa! You're craz... |
| 220 | It's gone. Whoa, whoa, whoa! |
| 221 | Ah, Aha! |
| 222 | Damn you, Monica Geller hyphen Bing! |
| 223 | Hey, hey, look who's here. |
| 224 | It's Joey, and he brought home a friend. |
| 225 | Joey, Emma's right here. |
| 226 | You promised not to bring girls home |
| 227 | in the middle of the day anymore. |
| 228 | No, no, no, no, it's not a girl. |
| 229 | It's... a brand-new Huggsy! |
| 230 | Aw... |
| 231 | That's so great. |
| 232 | Now Emma has two Huggsies. |
| 233 | No, no, no, no, no. |
| 234 | No, Emma has one Huggsy. |
| 235 | The new Huggsy, huh? |
| 236 | The other Huggsy, I don't know, I guess I'll just take him back. |
| 237 | Oh... oh, you know what? |
| 238 | When I was a little girl, I had a little pink pony named Cotton. |
| 239 | Oh, I loved her so much, I took her everywhere. |
| 240 | I would braid her tail and... |
| 241 | Make the transfer. |
| 242 | Now, should I be concerned |
| 243 | that a button fell off the old Huggsy, and I can't find it? |
| 244 | Oh, no, don't worry about it, I swallowed that years ago. |
| 245 | Hey, hey. |
| 246 | ( crying ) Oh, what? |
| 247 | I don't think she likes the new Huggsy. |
| 248 | But it's the same. |
| 249 | I think she wants the old one back. |
| 250 | Yeah, but he's the same. |
| 251 | Joey, come on. |
| 252 | But he's the same. |
| 253 | Joey... |
| 254 | You're not the same. |
| 255 | Aha! |
| 256 | You know, it's a lot less surprising to do that |
| 257 | after I've buzzed you into the building. |
| 258 | So, Phoebe... |
| 259 | why are there men's shoes by the door? |
| 260 | Those are my shoes. |
| 261 | Oh. Well, when you get over this breakup, we need to go shopping. |
| 262 | Look, Monica, |
| 263 | I really appreciate you checking in on me, |
| 264 | but I'm actually feeling a lot better. |
| 265 | Really? Yeah. |
| 266 | I just kind of want to be alone right now. |
| 267 | ( knock on door ) |
| 268 | Who's that? |
| 269 | I ordered Chinese food. |
| 270 | What are the chances?! |
| 271 | One billion Chinese people, and they send Mike! |
| 272 | What are you doing here? Phoebe called me. |
| 273 | Phoebe! |
| 274 | I'm sorry, I broke down. |
| 275 | I wanted to see him. |
| 276 | Damn it, Phoebe, how did you even call him? |
| 277 | There's a speaker phone on the base unit. |
| 278 | Base unit! |
| 279 | Think, Monica, think! |
| 280 | Look, if I want to see Phoebe, and she wants to see me-- |
| 281 | This doesn't concern you. |
| 282 | Sorry. I guess I was thrown off by the mention of my name. |
| 283 | Look, guys, you can't do this. |
| 284 | It's just going to make getting |
| 285 | over each other that much harder. |
| 286 | Not if nothing happens. |
| 287 | Why can't... why can't we just hang out as friends? |
| 288 | Sure. |
| 289 | If you're just going to hang out as friends, |
| 290 | then, then maybe I'll join you. |
| 291 | Yeah, I'm your friend and Mike's friend. |
| 292 | Yeah. |
| 293 | Sit down. |
| 294 | MONICA: Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. |
| 295 | Make room for your friend. |
| 296 | There you go. Ah. |
| 297 | So how have you been? |
| 298 | I've been pretty good. |
| 299 | You look really beautiful. |
| 300 | Thanks. |
| 301 | You look good, too. |
| 302 | No, no, no, no, no, no. |
| 303 | This is dangerous territory. |
| 304 | Keep it clean. |
| 305 | So how's the piano playing going? |
| 306 | Actually, I've been playing |
| 307 | a lot of love songs lately. |
| 308 | I've missed you. |
| 309 | I've missed you, too. |
| 310 | You know, on the way over here, |
| 311 | I saw this drunk guy throw up... |
| 312 | and then a pigeon ate it. |
| 313 | Hey. Ross. |
| 314 | Look, I just wanted to apologize for... |
| 315 | Don't tell me you actually made |
| 316 | those gay pictures of me. |
| 317 | Uh-huh, uh-huh. |
| 318 | Check this out. |
| 319 | Huh. |
| 320 | So, that's what I'd look like if I worked out... |
| 321 | and was being serviced by a policeman. |
| 322 | You're not going to actually send these out, are you? |
| 323 | Uh, actually, no, I don't need to |
| 324 | because your little "Ross is dead" joke didn't work, okay? |
| 325 | There were no responses. |
| 326 | Nobody posted anything on the Web site. |
| 327 | Nobody called my parents. |
| 328 | So, the joke, my friend, is on you. |
| 329 | Nobody called, nobody wrote anything. |
| 330 | Nobody cares that I'm dead. |
| 331 | Oh, my God. |
| 332 | Nobody cares that I'm dead? |
| 333 | Oh, come on, you know that's not true. |
| 334 | What are you talking about? |
| 335 | You get 60 responses just for coming out of the closet. |
| 336 | I didn't get one response, and-and I'm dead. |
| 337 | Well, the gay community |
| 338 | is a lot more vocal than the dead community. |
| 339 | I can't believe this. |
| 340 | Not even my geology lab partner? |
| 341 | And I carried that guy! |
| 342 | All right, look, let's think about this, okay? |
| 343 | Do you really think that people are going to |
| 344 | disturb your family at this tragic time? |
| 345 | That people are going to post condolences on a Web site? |
| 346 | This isn't about people not caring that you're dead. |
| 347 | This about people not having a decent outlet for their grief. |
| 348 | You're right, there isn't a decent outlet. |
| 349 | Right, I mean, come on. |
| 350 | I'm sure if you had a funeral or memorial service, |
| 351 | tons of people would come. |
| 352 | Exactly! |
| 353 | Ross, what are you, |
| 354 | what are you, what are you doing? |
| 355 | You're having a memorial service for yourself? |
| 356 | What? |
| 357 | No. That would be stupid. |
| 358 | You're having it for me. |
| 359 | Ross, don't press that. |
| 360 | Don't press that! |
| 361 | Too late, too late. It's sent. |
| 362 | Oops, sorry, so's that picture of you and the policeman. |
| 363 | I'm trying to put Emma down for a nap. |
| 364 | Have you seen Huggsy? |
| 365 | Uh, original or crappy? |
| 366 | Original. |
| 367 | No, sorry, haven't seen him. |
| 368 | Then what's that big lump under your covers? |
| 369 | It's Monica, okay? |
| 370 | That is not Monica. |
| 371 | All right, fine! |
| 372 | It's original Huggsy. |
| 373 | I know Emma wants him, but he's mine, and I need him. |
| 374 | She's being unreasonable. |
| 375 | Joey, there is a reason that |
| 376 | Emma loves that stupid penguin so much! |
| 377 | ( gasps ) |
| 378 | Oh, don't cover its ears! |
| 379 | It's because it reminds her of her Uncle Joey. |
| 380 | It does? |
| 381 | Yeah, and she's comforted |
| 382 | by him because she loves her Uncle Joey so much. |
| 383 | Really? She, she loves me? |
| 384 | Oh, yeah. |
| 385 | But you know what? |
| 386 | If you need Huggsy, don't worry. |
| 387 | Emma will totally understand. |
| 388 | I won't, but whatever. |
| 389 | Okay, wait, wait, w-wait, wait a minute, wait a minute, Rach. |
| 390 | I mean if, if... if Huggsy means that much to Emma, then... |
| 391 | Well, she can have him. |
| 392 | Aw... oh, sweet, I knew Uncle Joey would step up. |
| 393 | Look, Emma, look who's back... |
| 394 | No, forget it, forget it, I can't do it. |
| 395 | Are you kid-- you're going to take Huggsy |
| 396 | away from a little child? |
| 397 | How do you think I got him in the first place? |
| 398 | All right, you two, |
| 399 | I'm going to go to the bathroom. |
| 400 | Now, I don't want anything going on while I'm gone. |
| 401 | All right, here's a few things you can discuss: |
| 402 | Mucus, fungus, and the idea of me and Ross doing it. |
| 403 | I've missed you so much. |
| 404 | No, I'm not going to ask you to get back together |
| 405 | because I know we want different things, |
| 406 | but just to be with you one more night. |
| 407 | I know, I want that too, |
| 408 | but is that going to make it too hard? |
| 409 | It can't be any harder than this. |
| 410 | I mean, if I had known the last time I saw you |
| 411 | would be the last time I... |
| 412 | I would have stopped to memorize your face, |
| 413 | the way you move... everything about you. |
| 414 | If I had known the last time I kissed you |
| 415 | would be the last time... |
| 416 | I never would have stopped. |
| 417 | Kiss him, you fool! |
| 418 | What? |
| 419 | Didn't you hear that speech? |
| 420 | If you don't kiss him, then I will. |
| 421 | I've missed you so much. |
| 422 | I knew you'd be here! |
| 423 | Aah, crap. |
| 424 | Who, who is this? |
| 425 | It's my friend Manny. |
| 426 | I asked him to keep me away from you. |
| 427 | Hey, that's what I'm doing for Phoebe. |
| 428 | Well, you're not doing a very good job. |
| 429 | Excuse me? |
| 430 | What's with the kissing? |
| 431 | Hey, at least I knew where my guy was. |
| 432 | Oh, yeah, yeah, thank God you were here |
| 433 | to oversee all the kissing! |
| 434 | You didn't hear the speech. |
| 435 | I've heard the speech. |
| 436 | If he knew it was going to be |
| 437 | the last time he saw her... |
| 438 | Hey, it was very moving. |
| 439 | You're just heartless. |
| 440 | You're weak. |
| 441 | You're... weird. |
| 442 | Your pants are undone. |
| 443 | Oh! |
| 444 | Where'd they go? |
| 445 | Oh. Damn it! |
| 446 | Oh, we blew it. |
| 447 | I blame myself. |
| 448 | And I blame you, too. |
| 449 | It's been an hour, and not one |
| 450 | of my classmates has shown up? |
| 451 | I tell you, when I actually die, |
| 452 | some people are going to get seriously haunted. |
| 453 | ( knock on door ) |
| 454 | There you go. |
| 455 | Someone came. |
| 456 | Okay, okay, I'm, I'm going to go hide. |
| 457 | Oh, this is so exciting, my first mourner. |
| 458 | Hi. |
| 459 | Glad you could come. |
| 460 | Please come in. |
| 461 | Hi. |
| 462 | You're Chandler Bing, right? |
| 463 | I'm Tom Gordon. |
| 464 | I was in your class. |
| 465 | Oh, yes, yes. Let me take your coat. |
| 466 | Thanks. |
| 467 | Uh, I'm, I'm so sorry about Ross. It's... |
| 468 | Well, at least he died doing what he loved. |
| 469 | Watching blimps. |
| 470 | Who is it? |
| 471 | I don't know-- some guy, Tom Gordon. |
| 472 | I don't remember him. |
| 473 | But, then again, I touched so many lives. |
| 474 | So did you know Ross well? |
| 475 | Oh, actually, I barely knew him. |
| 476 | Yeah, I came because I heard Chandler's news. |
| 477 | You know if he's seeing anyone? |
| 478 | Yes, he is. Me. |
| 479 | What? ( stuttering ) |
| 480 | Oh. Oh, can I ask you a personal question? |
| 481 | How, how do you shave your beard so close? |
| 482 | Okay, Tommy, that's enough mourning for you. |
| 483 | Here we go. |
| 484 | Bye-bye. |
| 485 | All right. All right. |
| 486 | Hey, listen... call me. |
| 487 | Okay. |
| 488 | I'm dead and no one cares? |
| 489 | I look like a man? |
| 490 | Please, one ridiculous problem at a time. |
| 491 | This isn't ridiculous. |
| 492 | Look around. No one's here. |
| 493 | You gave them one day's notice. |
| 494 | Not everyone in our class |
| 495 | checks the Web site every day, |
| 496 | and Monica, it's probably the way you stand. |
| 497 | All right. |
| 498 | Still, somebody must have seen it. |
| 499 | I mean, I went to that school for four years |
| 500 | and I didn't have an impact on anyone? |
| 501 | Well, that's not true. |
| 502 | You had an impact on me. |
| 503 | I mean it's 15 years later |
| 504 | and we're still best friends. |
| 505 | Doesn't that count for something? |
| 506 | Man. |
| 507 | ( knock on door ) |
| 508 | Oh, great, more party boys for Chandler. |
| 509 | I'm sure it's somebody for you. |
| 510 | Now go hide. |
| 511 | Hi. |
| 512 | I'm here for Ross Geller's memorial service. |
| 513 | Kori? |
| 514 | Kori Weston? |
| 515 | Yeah. |
| 516 | You look amazing. |
| 517 | And you are? |
| 518 | Chandler. Chandler Bing. |
| 519 | I'm not gay, I'm not gay at all. |
| 520 | You are married, though. |
| 521 | Don't listen to him. |
| 522 | He's in a really bad mood. |
| 523 | I can't believe |
| 524 | that Ross is gone. |
| 525 | It is just so sad. |
| 526 | Oh, I didn't know Ross and you were so close. |
| 527 | Oh, we weren't, but we had one class together. |
| 528 | He was such a great guy, |
| 529 | and he talked so passionately about science. |
| 530 | I always remembered him. |
| 531 | I'm sure that would mean a lot to him |
| 532 | and if heaven has a door, |
| 533 | I'm sure he's pressing his ear up against it |
| 534 | and listening intently. |
| 535 | I thought so many times about calling him and asking him out. |
| 536 | I guess I really missed my chance. |
| 537 | No, you didn't! |
| 538 | I'm still alive! |
| 539 | Kori, I, I |
| 540 | know this is a big surprise for you. |
| 541 | It's a long story, but the things you just said |
| 542 | really made my day. |
| 543 | I mean, the fact that you are here means more to me |
| 544 | than, than if this room were filled with people. |
| 545 | You sick freak! Who does that? |
| 546 | I can't believe I had a crush on you! |
| 547 | ( door slams ) |
| 548 | Did you hear that? |
| 549 | Kori Weston had a crush on me. |
| 550 | Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org |
| 551 | No, Mom, I am not dead. |
| 552 | No, I know it's not something to kid about. |
| 553 | Anyway, it was just a practical joke between Chandler and me, |
| 554 | but it's over, okay? |
| 555 | Actually, no, even if I had died, |
| 556 | you would not be left childless. |
| 557 | Monica? |
| 558 | |
| 1 | Monica. |
| 2 | Hey, can I borrow the Porsche? |
| 3 | Okay. |
| 4 | All right! |
| 5 | But, uh... |
| 6 | what is it not? |
| 7 | A place to entertain my lady friends. |
| 8 | And what else is it not? |
| 9 | A place to eat spaghetti. |
| 10 | Very good. Thanks. |
| 11 | What do you need it for anyway? |
| 12 | Oh, the Powerball Lottery is up to $300 million |
| 13 | and they don't sell tickets here in New York, so... |
| 14 | Oh, so you're driving up to Connecticut? |
| 15 | Yeah, Connecticut, not... West Virginia. |
| 16 | Hey, maybe I'll drive you up there. |
| 17 | I'd like to buy some tickets myself. |
| 18 | Yeah, with Chandler |
| 19 | not getting paid, |
| 20 | we could really use $300 million. |
| 21 | Yes, because if I was at my old job, |
| 22 | we'd say, "$300 million? No, thank you." |
| 23 | Hey, will you get me tickets, too? |
| 24 | Yeah, me, too. |
| 25 | Sure. |
| 26 | Ooh! I have an idea. |
| 27 | Why don't we all pitch in 50 bucks, |
| 28 | we'll pool our money together, |
| 29 | and then if we win, we'll split it. |
| 30 | ( all agreeing ) |
| 31 | That's a great idea. |
| 32 | No, thanks. |
| 33 | You don't want to win the lottery? |
| 34 | Uh, sure I do. |
| 35 | I also want to be king of my own country |
| 36 | and find out what happened to Amelia Earhart. |
| 37 | Still on Amelia Earhart? |
| 38 | The woman just vanished. |
| 39 | Seriously, Ross, you don't want in on this? |
| 40 | No. Do you know what your odds are of winning the lottery? |
| 41 | I mean, you have a better chance |
| 42 | of being struck by lightning 42 times. |
| 43 | Yes, but there's six of us, |
| 44 | so we'd only have to get struck |
| 45 | by lightning seven times. |
| 46 | I like those odds. |
| 47 | Seriously, you guys, I can't believe |
| 48 | you're going to spend $250 on the lottery. |
| 49 | I mean, that's such a bunch of boohockey. |
| 50 | I'll ask. |
| 51 | Boohockey? |
| 52 | Oh, oh, we think Emma's about to start talking |
| 53 | so we're trying to be careful |
| 54 | about what words we use in front of her. |
| 55 | Yeah, so get ready to hear a lot of "boohockey," "gosh darn it" |
| 56 | and "brother pucker." |
| 57 | How do you know she's going to start talking? |
| 58 | Well, when I talk to her, I almost feel |
| 59 | like she understands what I'm saying. |
| 60 | Kinda like Joey. |
| 61 | What's that now? |
| 62 | ♪ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ♪ |
| 63 | ♪ Your job's a joke, you're broke ♪ |
| 64 | ♪ Your love life's D.O.A. ♪ |
| 65 | ♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪ |
| 66 | ♪ When it hasn't been your day, your week ♪ |
| 67 | ♪ Your month, or even your year ♪ |
| 68 | ♪ But I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 69 | ♪ When the rain starts to pour ♪ |
| 70 | ♪ I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 71 | ♪ Like I've been there before ♪ |
| 72 | ♪ I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 73 | ♪ 'Cause you're there for me, too. ♪ |
| 74 | God, look at all these tickets. |
| 75 | It's so exciting. |
| 76 | I haven't won anything since the sixth grade. |
| 77 | Pie-eating contest? |
| 78 | Oh, you assume because I was heavy |
| 79 | that's the only way I could win something? |
| 80 | No, I saw a picture of you covered in blueberries. |
| 81 | That was a good day. |
| 82 | They're towing your car! |
| 83 | They're towing your car! |
| 84 | I parked in a garage on Morton. |
| 85 | They're towing a car |
| 86 | and I am... |
| 87 | seeing spots. |
| 88 | Oh, my God, Ross, you don't have Emma. |
| 89 | And Rachel, you don't have Emma. |
| 90 | Where is Emma? Who has Emma?! |
| 91 | Joey, relax. My mother picked her up two hours ago. |
| 92 | You were there. |
| 93 | I was? |
| 94 | Yes, and you talked to her. |
| 95 | I did? |
| 96 | She dropped off a casserole. |
| 97 | Oh, yeah, the casserole lady. |
| 98 | So, did you come by |
| 99 | to watch us win the big bucks? |
| 100 | Yeah, and then I figured, after you win, |
| 101 | we can all go out to the balcony and see a night rainbow |
| 102 | with gremlins dancing on top of it. |
| 103 | ( telephone ringing ) |
| 104 | Don't touch the phone! |
| 105 | I'll get it, I'll get it, I'll get it! |
| 106 | Hello. |
| 107 | You think he washed his hands? |
| 108 | Hey, Charlie, what do you know? |
| 109 | What's going on? |
| 110 | Chandler's supposed to find out |
| 111 | if he's getting an assistant job at his ad agency |
| 112 | but out of 15 interns, they're only hiring three. |
| 113 | Ooh, tough odds. |
| 114 | Yeah, if only it were a sure thing |
| 115 | like your 24-state lottery. |
| 116 | Yeah, look who's coming around. |
| 117 | Damn it. All right, call me when you know more. |
| 118 | JOEY: Did you get it? |
| 119 | One of the slots got filled. |
| 120 | By you? |
| 121 | Sense the tone. |
| 122 | No, that kid Nate got it. |
| 123 | Oh, I hate that guy. |
| 124 | Come on, kid, pull up your pants! |
| 125 | I know. |
| 126 | Well, there's two spots left, right? |
| 127 | Yeah. I mean, I want this so much. |
| 128 | I mean, I want to get one, |
| 129 | I want my friend Charlie to get one... |
| 130 | Except I don't care about Charlie. |
| 131 | Hey, you guys! ALL: Hey! |
| 132 | Okay, you are not going to believe this. |
| 133 | I just saw my psychic and she said I was definitely |
| 134 | going to win the lottery tonight. |
| 135 | Hey, that reminds me. |
| 136 | I thought we could use some extra luck, |
| 137 | so I brought a wishbone home from work. |
| 138 | A psychic and a wishbone? |
| 139 | Guys, give someone else a chance. |
| 140 | All right, who wants to do it? |
| 141 | Oh, can I? |
| 142 | Vegetarians never get to do the wishbone. |
| 143 | It's really not fair either, |
| 144 | because, you know, just because we don't eat the meat |
| 145 | doesn't mean we don't like to play with the carcasses. |
| 146 | All right. Hey, Rach? |
| 147 | No, I'm good-- I don't want to get |
| 148 | that turkey smell all over my hands. |
| 149 | I'll do it! |
| 150 | Got to get the casserole stink off of mine. |
| 151 | Okay. |
| 152 | I hope I win. |
| 153 | Well, it doesn't really matter. |
| 154 | You're both wishing for the same thing, right? |
| 155 | I can't tell you what I'm wishing for, or else, you know, |
| 156 | it won't come true. |
| 157 | Right, but we know what you're wishing for. |
| 158 | I can't really say. |
| 159 | I understand, but you're wishing |
| 160 | for what we think you're wishing for, aren't you? |
| 161 | I'm not really comfortable with these questions. |
| 162 | Please! Just do it. |
| 163 | Okay, ready: one, two... |
| 164 | three! |
| 165 | I won. Hey! |
| 166 | You know what? |
| 167 | I'm sure your wish is gonna come true, |
| 168 | but, you guys, just in case, maybe a genie will come out |
| 169 | if we rub this lamp... Ow! |
| 170 | That thing gets hot! |
| 171 | You know, Ross, just keep making your jokes. |
| 172 | How are you going to feel |
| 173 | if we actually do win? |
| 174 | Uh, you're not gonna win. |
| 175 | Oh, I know, I know, the odds are against us, |
| 176 | but somebody has to win, and it could be us |
| 177 | and then how you gonna feel? |
| 178 | You know, we're gonna be all like, "Oh, everybody |
| 179 | let's take our helicopters up to the Cape," |
| 180 | and you're gonna, and you're gonna be all like, |
| 181 | "Oh, I can't, guys, I'll have to meet you up there. |
| 182 | I gotta gas up the Hyundai." |
| 183 | Okay, I've heard myself on tape and I sound nothing like that. |
| 184 | I can see the headline now. |
| 185 | "Lottery Winners' Friend, Filled With Regret, |
| 186 | Eats Own Arm." |
| 187 | Why would I eat my own arm? |
| 188 | You wouldn't, but we own the paper. |
| 189 | We can print whatever we want. |
| 190 | You know what, Ross? |
| 191 | I'm going to throw in 50 bucks for you. |
| 192 | Why? |
| 193 | Because I know |
| 194 | that you think |
| 195 | that the lottery is boohockey... |
| 196 | but we're all here and we're gonna |
| 197 | watch the numbers and have fun. |
| 198 | And you're my brother |
| 199 | and I want you to be a part of this. |
| 200 | You don't have to do that. |
| 201 | I mean, I'll pay for myself, |
| 202 | but just the fact that |
| 203 | you want me to have fun with you guys, |
| 204 | that's so sweet. Come here. |
| 205 | Get a room. |
| 206 | Okay, so, now that you're in, |
| 207 | what are you gonna do if we win? |
| 208 | I don't know. I'll probably just invest it. |
| 209 | Ooh, calm down. |
| 210 | Seriously, that's your fantasy? |
| 211 | To invest it? |
| 212 | Oh, I'm sorry. Did I say invest it? |
| 213 | I meant be cool and piss it all away. |
| 214 | Ooh! Ooh! I know. |
| 215 | We should pool all our money |
| 216 | and buy the Knicks. |
| 217 | I don't really care about the Knicks. |
| 218 | Oh, you will when I pick you as starting forward. |
| 219 | You would do that? |
| 220 | I never get picked. |
| 221 | You know, I'm not sure a sports team is the way to go. |
| 222 | You're not going to let me buy the Knicks? |
| 223 | I can't believe you're taking this away from me. |
| 224 | You're right, it has been your dream for over 15 seconds. |
| 225 | Uh, how long until they announce the numbers, Mommy? |
| 226 | I'll take this one, too. |
| 227 | Uh... "Mommy"? |
| 228 | Oh, I've gotten into the habit |
| 229 | of calling Rachel "Mommy" when we're around Emma, |
| 230 | which, I now realize, we are not. |
| 231 | I'm hoping that if she hears it enough, |
| 232 | it'll be her first word. |
| 233 | Although, if we're going to do that, |
| 234 | we should probably call me Daddy, too. |
| 235 | Ooh. I like that, Daddy. |
| 236 | I, uh... I was just talking about Rachel. |
| 237 | Ooh, is Daddy getting angry? |
| 238 | Is Daddy going to spank me? |
| 239 | Well, that depends. |
| 240 | Have you been a bad g... |
| 241 | No, I can't. I can't. |
| 242 | ( telephone ringing ) |
| 243 | Hello. Hello. |
| 244 | Hey, Charlie, did anybody else hear? |
| 245 | What? Susan got it? |
| 246 | How? |
| 247 | Oh, man, I would have slept with him. |
| 248 | All right. Bye. |
| 249 | Dude, I'm sorry, |
| 250 | but, hey, there's one spot left, right? |
| 251 | Well, Charlie's gonna get that. |
| 252 | Hey, don't say that. |
| 253 | You got just as good a chance |
| 254 | as anybody else of getting that job. |
| 255 | He is the boss's son. |
| 256 | Come on, lottery! |
| 257 | Yeah! Yeah! Oop! Ooh, you guys, |
| 258 | it starts in, like, 20 minutes. |
| 259 | Okay, all right, here we go. |
| 260 | So, we need to sort through the tickets |
| 261 | as quickly as possible to see if we've won. |
| 262 | So does anybody have any ideas how to organize this? |
| 263 | Okay, how about this? |
| 264 | We divide them into six groups of 40 |
| 265 | and the remaining ten can be read |
| 266 | by whoever finishes their pile first. |
| 267 | Oh, I have another idea. |
| 268 | I'm sorry-- idea time is over. |
| 269 | Okay, well, |
| 270 | are all the tickets in the bowl? |
| 271 | Yeah. |
| 272 | What about the ones you have on the nightstand? |
| 273 | There are no tickets on the nightstand. |
| 274 | Yes, there are. I just saw them |
| 275 | a few minutes ago. |
| 276 | Uh, no, you didn't. |
| 277 | You must be mistaken. |
| 278 | Honey, there are |
| 279 | like 20 tickets on the nightstand. |
| 280 | Chandler, sense the tone. |
| 281 | Well, well, well. |
| 282 | Look what Mommy found. |
| 283 | Okay, fine. |
| 284 | I bought 20 extra tickets for me and Chandler. |
| 285 | ( gasps ) |
| 286 | The psychic also said that I would be betrayed. |
| 287 | I can't believe this. |
| 288 | I thought we were all in this together. |
| 289 | Hey, you just got in five minutes ago. |
| 290 | Three minutes ago. |
| 291 | I don't know why that's important. |
| 292 | Oh, look, hey, I was with you |
| 293 | the whole time we were in Connecticut. |
| 294 | When did you even get those? |
| 295 | When you were reading the dirty magazines |
| 296 | without taking off the plastic. |
| 297 | I'll show you how. |
| 298 | Okay, well, Monica, suppose one of your special tickets wins. |
| 299 | How are you going to feel when you win the lottery |
| 300 | and you lose all your friends? |
| 301 | Please, if I win the lottery, you guys are not gonna leave me. |
| 302 | Someone gave me a basket of mini-muffins last week |
| 303 | and I couldn't get rid of you for three days. |
| 304 | Chandler, would you just tell her |
| 305 | what she did was wrong? |
| 306 | She's right. You shouldn't have bought tickets |
| 307 | just for us. |
| 308 | Let me finish. However... |
| 309 | it doesn't look like I'm gonna get this job |
| 310 | so I can't afford to have principles. |
| 311 | So screw you! The tickets are ours! |
| 312 | ( gasps ) |
| 313 | There's the man I married. |
| 314 | All right. Believe me, if you win the lottery |
| 315 | it's the last you're gonna hear from us. |
| 316 | Fine. Don't be my friends. |
| 317 | I'll buy new friends. |
| 318 | Yeah, and then I'll pay for their plastic surgery |
| 319 | so they'd look just like you. |
| 320 | All right, you know what? That's it. |
| 321 | I want my share of the tickets. |
| 322 | Yeah, I want my tickets, too-- |
| 323 | and I'm buying the Knicks... |
| 324 | and Steffi Graf! |
| 325 | ( chortles ) |
| 326 | Hold it-- then I want |
| 327 | mine, too, and if I win, |
| 328 | I'm going to put it all into a very low-yield bond. |
| 329 | No! You guys, we got to keep |
| 330 | all the tickets together. |
| 331 | MONICA: No, no! |
| 332 | We should divide them up, and I should get extra |
| 333 | because we used my car to buy them! |
| 334 | Hey! Hey! If anybody gets extra tickets, it should be me! |
| 335 | This whole thing was my idea! |
| 336 | Oh, yeah, thanks for inventing the lottery. |
| 337 | RACHEL: That's it. |
| 338 | Just give them to me and I'll split them up. |
| 339 | Ow! ( shrieks ) |
| 340 | Hey, hey. |
| 341 | ( shrieks ) |
| 342 | I can't take it anymore! |
| 343 | I'm putting an end to this! |
| 344 | Okay, if she jumps, I get her tickets. |
| 345 | Wait! No, no! Hey, hey! |
| 346 | If we're not doing this together, |
| 347 | we're not doing it at all. |
| 348 | Say good-bye to your tickets. |
| 349 | No! No! No! |
| 350 | Do not come any closer! |
| 351 | Can I come a little bit closer? |
| 352 | Valuable things are getting squished. |
| 353 | Now, what's more important? |
| 354 | Your friends, or money? |
| 355 | Friends! Friends! Money! |
| 356 | Friends. |
| 357 | And, Monica, what about your extra tickets? |
| 358 | They're all in there. |
| 359 | Even these five that I hid in my bra. |
| 360 | Monica! |
| 361 | Okay. Good. |
| 362 | You guys were so scared. |
| 363 | There was no way I was gonna dump this thing... |
| 364 | ( shrieks ) |
| 365 | God! No! |
| 366 | I think I broke your bowl. |
| 367 | Go! Go! Go! |
| 368 | Go! Go! |
| 369 | What a beautiful night |
| 370 | to be running around the street looking for tickets. |
| 371 | And the wind sure made it fun. |
| 372 | Phoebe, we lost half of them. |
| 373 | So what? Monica, we have the winning ticket. |
| 374 | My psychic said I was going to win, remember? |
| 375 | Weird your psychic didn't mention anything about the scary pigeon. |
| 376 | As a matter of fact, she said that's how I'm going to die. |
| 377 | So excuse me for being a little skittish. |
| 378 | Hey, there's two messages. |
| 379 | This could be from work. |
| 380 | Play them. Okay. |
| 381 | Here we go. |
| 382 | ( beep ) |
| 383 | PHOEBE: Hello? This is the pigeon from the balcony |
| 384 | calling to apologize. |
| 385 | I shouldn't have knocked the tickets |
| 386 | out of the pretty lady's hand. |
| 387 | It was all my fault-- not hers. |
| 388 | Bye. Coo. |
| 389 | Well, I bet that was very hard for him to do. |
| 390 | ( beep ) |
| 391 | Hey, Chandler, it's Charlie. |
| 392 | This is it. Shh! |
| 393 | Listen, um, it turns out I got the last spot. |
| 394 | I'm really sorry, man. |
| 395 | It was a lot of fun working with you. |
| 396 | Give me a call if you want. |
| 397 | Gosh, I'm so sorry, honey. |
| 398 | Sorry about that, man. |
| 399 | That is so unfair. |
| 400 | It's like that time they promoted Sandra over me at work. |
| 401 | Oh, was she related to Ralph Lauren? |
| 402 | No, she was just much better at her job than me. |
| 403 | Guys, the drawing's about to start. |
| 404 | We should call my mom's house |
| 405 | and say good night to Emma before she goes down. |
| 406 | Oh, yeah, it's a good idea. |
| 407 | Honey, you're being very strong about this. |
| 408 | I know how badly you wanted that job. |
| 409 | Yeah, you know, I really thought I deserved it. |
| 410 | But let's go win the lottery. |
| 411 | I mean, we still have 130 chances to win, right? |
| 412 | 131. |
| 413 | Good night, sweetheart. I love you. |
| 414 | And remember, you're Daddy's little girl. |
| 415 | Phoebe's totally ruined that for me. |
| 416 | Hi, Mom. Oh, put her back on. ( TV plays ) |
| 417 | Rach, come on, they're announcing the numbers. |
| 418 | My God, I can already feel myself changing. |
| 419 | Here are your official Powerball numbers. |
| 420 | We have 53. |
| 421 | I've got that. |
| 422 | Ooh, ooh, ooh, we have one, too. |
| 423 | We are on the road, people. |
| 424 | Check those tickets carefully. |
| 425 | Come on! |
| 426 | Mom, please. I know you love your new lips. |
| 427 | But I can barely understand you. |
| 428 | Would you please just let me say good night to my daughter? |
| 429 | ...and here we go, the Powerball is seven. |
| 430 | All right, check your numbers! |
| 431 | Make me rich. |
| 432 | Have a safe, happy holiday. Good night. |
| 433 | Oh, guys, you're not going to believe this. |
| 434 | I was just saying good night to Emma |
| 435 | and she said her first words. |
| 436 | What? Really? |
| 437 | What did she say? |
| 438 | She said "gleba." |
| 439 | Make me rich! |
| 440 | Isn't that amazing? |
| 441 | Yeah, no, no, no. That's great. |
| 442 | Why aren't you more excited? |
| 443 | Uh, Rach, "gleba" is not a word. |
| 444 | Well, of course it is. |
| 445 | Okay, what does it mean? |
| 446 | Well, I don't know all the words. |
| 447 | You know, I'm just glad I didn't miss my daughter's first word. |
| 448 | Well, yes, you did. |
| 449 | "Gleba" is a word. |
| 450 | Okay, use it in a sentence. |
| 451 | Okay. Uh, "Emma just said gleba." |
| 452 | It's not a word. |
| 453 | Okay, okay, okay, fine. |
| 454 | I'm going to look it up. |
| 455 | Oh, oh, okay, great. |
| 456 | You know what, while you're at it, |
| 457 | she said another word the other day. |
| 458 | Why don't you look up... ( sputters ) |
| 459 | All right, okay, okay, gleba. |
| 460 | Gleba, gleba... gleba! Ah, here it is. |
| 461 | "The fleshy, spore-bearing inner mass of a certain fungi." |
| 462 | She's going to be a scientist. |
| 463 | Damn it. |
| 464 | Anybody got anything? No. |
| 465 | I'm still looking through mine. |
| 466 | Just double checking. |
| 467 | No. No. No. |
| 468 | No! |
| 469 | ( telephone rings ) |
| 470 | Hello? |
| 471 | Hold on. |
| 472 | It's your boss. |
| 473 | Ah, the I'm-sorry- I-rejected-you phone call. |
| 474 | Not used to getting these from guys. |
| 475 | Hey, Steve. |
| 476 | Chandler, hi. |
| 477 | I'm sure you've heard we filled the three positions. |
| 478 | We just felt that with your maturity and experience, |
| 479 | you wouldn't be happy being someone's assistant. |
| 480 | Well, no, no, I'd love to be somebody's assistant. |
| 481 | Answering phones, getting coffee, I live for that stuff. |
| 482 | And I'm not too mature. |
| 483 | Farts, boobies, butt cracks. |
| 484 | Chandler, you were the strongest person in the program. |
| 485 | We're offering you the position of junior copywriter. |
| 486 | Me? The guy who just said "butt cracks"? |
| 487 | Yes, that's right. |
| 488 | We're excited about the level of sophistication |
| 489 | you'll be bringing to the job. |
| 490 | Okay, well, thanks. You won't regret it. |
| 491 | I'll see you tomorrow. |
| 492 | What? |
| 493 | Oh, yeah, I'm going to be a junior copywriter. |
| 494 | Wow! That's great! Congratulations. |
| 495 | Sweetie, I'm so proud of you. |
| 496 | Does that mean I get the good loving tonight? |
| 497 | You bet. |
| 498 | No TV or anything. |
| 499 | Hey, that is so great about the job. |
| 500 | Thanks, man. |
| 501 | And I'd like to think I had a little something to do with it. |
| 502 | Really, why? |
| 503 | Well, before, with the wishbone... |
| 504 | I, uh... I didn't wish we would win the lottery. |
| 505 | I wished you'd get the job. |
| 506 | Oh, yeah? |
| 507 | Listen, don't tell Monica. She'll rip your heart right out. |
| 508 | Oh, yeah. |
| 509 | Wow, you know what? |
| 510 | There was a little part of me |
| 511 | that really thought we were going to win. |
| 512 | Me, too. |
| 513 | So much for my dinosaur-slash-Amelia Earhart theme park. |
| 514 | You guys... |
| 515 | what was the Powerball number again? |
| 516 | Seven. |
| 517 | We won. |
| 518 | What? |
| 519 | We won! What?! Let me see! |
| 520 | Let me see! |
| 521 | Don't tear it. |
| 522 | Phoebe, you don't have any of the first five numbers. |
| 523 | I know that. |
| 524 | But look, we got the Powerball number. |
| 525 | We won three dollars! |
| 526 | Wow, you think we should get that over 20 years |
| 527 | or go for the big payout? |
| 528 | I don't care, I've never won anything before. |
| 529 | I can't believe this! |
| 530 | So, Pheebs, what are you going to do with your three dollars? |
| 531 | Well, it's not all mine. |
| 532 | We all get 50 cents. |
| 533 | You know what, you can have mine. |
| 534 | Me, too. |
| 535 | Me, too. |
| 536 | Me, too. |
| 537 | Well, I guess if everybody else is. |
| 538 | Hey, guys. |
| 539 | I just called the Powerball hotline. |
| 540 | Can you believe it? Nobody won. |
| 541 | I beg to differ. |
| 542 | Maybe nobody won the jackpot, |
| 543 | but there was this guy in here earlier |
| 544 | and he found a ticket on the street, right outside, |
| 545 | and won $10,000. |
| 546 | Coo. Again... |
| 547 | don't blame the pretty lady. |
| 548 | It was not her fault. |
| 549 | It was me, the pigeon. Coo. |
| 550 | Seriously, stop staring at her. |
| 551 | Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org |
| 552 | |
| 1 | God, you're beautiful. |
| 2 | Why are we fighting this? |
| 3 | You know you want it to happen as much as I do. |
| 4 | I want you. |
| 5 | I need you. |
| 6 | Let me make love to you. |
| 7 | Now, I don't want to stand in the way |
| 8 | of true love or anything, |
| 9 | but I think a cantaloupe might hurt less. |
| 10 | No, I'm, uh... |
| 11 | I'm rehearsing my lines. |
| 12 | They're giving me a big romantic story on Days of Our Lives. |
| 13 | It's the first time my character's gotten one. |
| 14 | I'm so nervous, you know? |
| 15 | I really want it to be good. |
| 16 | Wow. |
| 17 | I haven't seen you this worked up |
| 18 | since you did that dog food commercial |
| 19 | and you thought you were going to be with a real talking dog. |
| 20 | Yeah, that was a disappointment. |
| 21 | Ooh, hey. |
| 22 | You want to come down to the set |
| 23 | and tell me if I'm doing okay? |
| 24 | Are you serious? Yeah, yeah. |
| 25 | You just have to promise not to get yourself |
| 26 | thrown out again. |
| 27 | That was an honest mistake. |
| 28 | Right. |
| 29 | "Oh, my God. Is this the men's room? |
| 30 | "I feel so foolish. |
| 31 | Have you always known you wanted to be an actor?" |
| 32 | Yeah, that was an awesome day. |
| 33 | ♪ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ♪ |
| 34 | ♪ Your job's a joke, you're broke ♪ |
| 35 | ♪ Your love life's D.O.A. ♪ |
| 36 | ♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪ |
| 37 | ♪ When it hasn't been your day, your week ♪ |
| 38 | ♪ Your month, or even your year ♪ |
| 39 | ♪ But I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 40 | ♪ 'Cause you're there for me, too. ♪ |
| 41 | Hey. |
| 42 | Hey. |
| 43 | Hi. |
| 44 | So, do you guys want to come and eat dinner |
| 45 | at the restaurant sometime in the next few weeks? |
| 46 | Sure, yeah. Oh, we'd love to. |
| 47 | Well, you can't. |
| 48 | We're booked solid for the next month. |
| 49 | Well, I can't give you a massage |
| 50 | because my license has been revoked again. |
| 51 | Phoebe, what happened? |
| 52 | Well, it was an accident. |
| 53 | You know, it's a lot of oil |
| 54 | and sometimes the hand just slips. |
| 55 | Have I got a surprise for you. |
| 56 | Pack your bags. |
| 57 | Oh, no. |
| 58 | You guys aren't supposed to get divorced for seven years. |
| 59 | What? No. |
| 60 | I'm taking Monica to a romantic inn in Vermont. |
| 61 | Oh, good. |
| 62 | Okay. Good for you. |
| 63 | Trying to recapture the magic. Good. |
| 64 | So, what do you say? |
| 65 | Can you get out of work? |
| 66 | Oh, honey, I can't. |
| 67 | I was just telling these guys |
| 68 | that things are crazy at the restaurant. |
| 69 | You're really that busy? |
| 70 | Yeah. I'm sorry, I really am. |
| 71 | Well, that's okay. |
| 72 | I'll just, uh, try and reschedule. |
| 73 | Hi, this is Chandler Bing. |
| 74 | I made a reservation there and I need to change it. |
| 75 | Well, what do you mean it's nonrefundable? |
| 76 | Well, can I just come some other time? |
| 77 | Well, can't you make an exception? |
| 78 | Tell them I'm a chef at a big New York restaurant. |
| 79 | And tell them that in two weeks, |
| 80 | I will once again be a masseuse in good standing. |
| 81 | Look, this is ridiculous. |
| 82 | I'm not paying for that room, okay? |
| 83 | Well thank you very much. |
| 84 | Yeah, I'm going to Vermont. |
| 85 | Oh, don't worry about it. |
| 86 | Just use your travel insurance. |
| 87 | I don't have travel insurance. |
| 88 | Well, this is what happens |
| 89 | when people live on the edge. |
| 90 | Why don't you take Ross? |
| 91 | Don't you think that'll be a little weird? |
| 92 | I mean, two guys in a romantic inn? |
| 93 | No, not if the room has two beds. |
| 94 | I guess. |
| 95 | Still seems a little... |
| 96 | Moonlight boat ride! |
| 97 | Hey, Joey, is this the bed |
| 98 | where Olivia lost her virginity? |
| 99 | I don't know, but one of the extras sure did. |
| 100 | Hey, listen, Rach. |
| 101 | Thanks again for coming down to watch my scenes. |
| 102 | Oh, please, honey. |
| 103 | Just the fact that you want me here to support you... |
| 104 | Oh, my God. |
| 105 | Is that Christian Saunders? |
| 106 | He is so gorgeous. |
| 107 | Also, so gay. |
| 108 | Well... |
| 109 | in my head, he's done some pretty not-gay stuff. |
| 110 | Well, at the Christmas party, |
| 111 | him and Santa did some definitely-gay stuff. |
| 112 | MAN: Joey. |
| 113 | Joey, we're ready for you. |
| 114 | Okay. |
| 115 | All right, wish me luck. |
| 116 | Okay. |
| 117 | Well, not that you need it, but good... |
| 118 | God! Is that Chase Lassiter? |
| 119 | Oh, now he's straight, right? |
| 120 | Rach, I got to say, |
| 121 | if you weren't here wondering if these guys were gay, |
| 122 | I don't know if I could do this. |
| 123 | I'm sorry, you're right. |
| 124 | I'm sorry. Good luck. |
| 125 | Thanks. |
| 126 | And... action! |
| 127 | Drake, what are you doing here? |
| 128 | Stopping you |
| 129 | from marrying the wrong man |
| 130 | and making the biggest mistake of your life. |
| 131 | Get out. |
| 132 | You don't love him. |
| 133 | What do you know about love? |
| 134 | I know what I felt that night when we kissed under the bridge. |
| 135 | That kiss never happened. |
| 136 | Well what about this one? |
| 137 | ( gasps ) |
| 138 | Now I told you to get out. |
| 139 | Fine, I'll go. |
| 140 | But let me ask you one question. |
| 141 | You look real familiar. |
| 142 | Have we... Shh! |
| 143 | He's asking her a question. |
| 144 | Can you really live the rest of your life |
| 145 | never knowing what we could have been? |
| 146 | I don't have a choice. |
| 147 | Yes, you do. |
| 148 | Yes, you do. |
| 149 | I'm the one who doesn't have a choice because I... |
| 150 | because I can't stop loving you. |
| 151 | Don't say that. |
| 152 | Tell me to stop. |
| 153 | Just... tell me to stop. |
| 154 | Cut! No! |
| 155 | Or cut, you know, that's your call. |
| 156 | Everything was delicious. |
| 157 | Thank you. It was. |
| 158 | The duck in particular was superb. |
| 159 | Thank you. |
| 160 | You haven't said anything. |
| 161 | Actually, I do have one small complaint. |
| 162 | Oh. Well, please, I... I welcome criticism. |
| 163 | Your musician-- right outside the restaurant-- |
| 164 | is kind of a mood-killer. |
| 165 | What musician? |
| 166 | ♪ And there's a country called Argentina ♪ |
| 167 | ♪ It's a place I've never seen ♪ |
| 168 | ♪ But I'm told for 50 pesos ♪ |
| 169 | ♪ You can buy a human spleen ♪ |
| 170 | ♪ Human spleen... ♪ |
| 171 | ♪ Olé! ♪ |
| 172 | What are you doing here? |
| 173 | Well, you said you had customers lined up in the streets, |
| 174 | so I'm here to entertain. |
| 175 | Oh, great. Yeah! |
| 176 | It really has been great, too. |
| 177 | You know, some of these people must have seen me play before, |
| 178 | because they were requesting a bunch of my songs. |
| 179 | Yeah, "You Suck" and, um... "Shut Up and Go Home." |
| 180 | Um, listen, Phoebe... Yeah? |
| 181 | You know how much I love listening to your music. |
| 182 | You know, but... |
| 183 | But what? |
| 184 | Um, well, this is kind of a classy place. |
| 185 | Okay, say no more. |
| 186 | ♪ It wasn't just that she was fat ♪ |
| 187 | ♪ The woman smelled like garbage ♪ |
| 188 | Everyone! |
| 189 | ♪ It wasn't just that she was fat ♪ |
| 190 | ♪ The woman smelled like garbage. ♪ |
| 191 | Classy, huh? |
| 192 | Hi. Chandler Bing. |
| 193 | I have a reservation. |
| 194 | Welcome to the Chestnut Inn, Mr. Bing. |
| 195 | So where are you joining us from? |
| 196 | New York. |
| 197 | The Big Apple! |
| 198 | I'm sorry. |
| 199 | He's a little bit wound up. |
| 200 | We had to stop at every maple candy stand on the way here. |
| 201 | I ate all my gifts for everybody! |
| 202 | I'm sorry, Mr. Bing, there's no record |
| 203 | of your reservation in the computer. |
| 204 | Well, that's impossible. |
| 205 | Can you check again, please? |
| 206 | ( falsetto ): Can you check again, please? |
| 207 | I'm sorry. It's not here. |
| 208 | It's not there. |
| 209 | Let me get this straight. |
| 210 | I called yesterday to try to cancel my reservation |
| 211 | and was told it's not refundable. |
| 212 | Then we drove six hours all the way up here, |
| 213 | and now you're telling me that we don't have a reservation? |
| 214 | I don't know what to say. |
| 215 | She doesn't know what to say. |
| 216 | Just give us the cheapest room you have. |
| 217 | Well, unfortunately, the only thing |
| 218 | we have available is our deluxe suite. |
| 219 | The rate is $600. |
| 220 | That's insane! |
| 221 | That is totally insane. |
| 222 | Dude, let's drive home. |
| 223 | We'll hit all the maple candy stores on the way back, |
| 224 | and if they're closed, |
| 225 | maybe we'll tap a tree and make some ourselves. |
| 226 | Does that room have a closet I can lock him in? |
| 227 | We'll take it. |
| 228 | Great. |
| 229 | They are totally ripping us off! |
| 230 | Dude, don't worry about it. |
| 231 | I know how we can make your money back. |
| 232 | This is a nice hotel, you know. |
| 233 | Plenty of amenities. |
| 234 | We just load up on those. |
| 235 | Like those apples. |
| 236 | Instead of taking one, um... I take six. |
| 237 | Great. At $100 an apple, we're there. |
| 238 | Come on, you get the idea. |
| 239 | You know, we'll make our money back in no time. |
| 240 | Dude, you're shaking. |
| 241 | I think it's the sugar. |
| 242 | Can you hold the apple? |
| 243 | Hi. |
| 244 | Hey. |
| 245 | Joey, I got to tell you: |
| 246 | I have been thinking all day about that scene you did. |
| 247 | I mean, you were amazing. |
| 248 | Oh, you know, the writing was good, |
| 249 | you know, and the director's good, |
| 250 | and-and my co-star's good, |
| 251 | but they're not as good as me! |
| 252 | Come on, you have to tell me what happens tomorrow. |
| 253 | Oh, just going over the script now. |
| 254 | Do you want to read lines with me? |
| 255 | Me? Oh, I... I'm not an actress. |
| 256 | Oh, well, I can ask Monica. |
| 257 | Screw her! That part is mine. |
| 258 | Right. |
| 259 | Okay, so, uh, so just from the top of the page, right here. |
| 260 | Okay. |
| 261 | ( inhales deeply ) |
| 262 | "Hello, Drake. |
| 263 | I'm surprised to see you here." |
| 264 | "I can't believe you married him." |
| 265 | "Well, what choice did I have? |
| 266 | He was keeping my sister in a dungeon." |
| 267 | So what about us? |
| 268 | Everything we feel for each other?" |
| 269 | "It's over. |
| 270 | You have to accept that." |
| 271 | "How can I? |
| 272 | "Knowing I'll never hold you in my arms again? |
| 273 | "Or touch your skin or feel your lips? |
| 274 | "Knowing I'll never make love to you? |
| 275 | How can I accept that" |
| 276 | "I can never kiss you again |
| 277 | when it's all I can do not to kiss you right now?" |
| 278 | Kiss me. |
| 279 | What? |
| 280 | Kiss me. |
| 281 | Uh, Rach, it doesn't say that. |
| 282 | No, I'm saying it. |
| 283 | But... but... |
| 284 | Just... don't talk. |
| 285 | ( gasping ): Oh! |
| 286 | Well, that's new. |
| 287 | Hi. |
| 288 | This is Ross Geller in suite 206. |
| 289 | Um, I seem to have forgotten a couple of things. |
| 290 | Could-could you have some complimentary toiletries |
| 291 | sent up to my room? |
| 292 | Thank you. |
| 293 | Okay, um, toothbrush, toothpaste, |
| 294 | razor, mouthwash, deodorant, |
| 295 | dental floss, Band-Aids, |
| 296 | shaving cream, aftershave... |
| 297 | and I feel like I'm forgetting something. |
| 298 | Um, is there anything else you have |
| 299 | that I haven't asked for already? |
| 300 | Yeah. Go ahead. |
| 301 | Send up some tampons. |
| 302 | Thank you. |
| 303 | ( catching his breath ) |
| 304 | What did you get? |
| 305 | USA Today. |
| 306 | Nice. Put it with the others. |
| 307 | And I also got... |
| 308 | two more apples. |
| 309 | We're four short of a bushel. |
| 310 | God, I feel so alive! |
| 311 | I love being in the country. |
| 312 | I also got |
| 313 | these great salt and pepper shakers |
| 314 | from the restaurant. |
| 315 | Ooh, that's not cool. |
| 316 | Dude, none of this is cool. |
| 317 | Look, Chandler, you have to find the line |
| 318 | between stealing and-and taking what the hotel owes you. |
| 319 | Um, for example, a hair dryer-- no, no, no. |
| 320 | But shampoos and conditioners-- |
| 321 | oh, yes, yes, yes. |
| 322 | Now, the-the salt shaker |
| 323 | is off-limits. Uh! |
| 324 | But the salt... |
| 325 | I wish I'd thought this through. |
| 326 | I think I get what you mean, though. |
| 327 | Like, the lamp is, uh, |
| 328 | is the hotel's, but the bulbs... |
| 329 | Oh, you already got that? |
| 330 | Not my first time in a hotel, my friend. |
| 331 | Okay, uh, |
| 332 | how about this? |
| 333 | No, no, no. |
| 334 | You can't take the remote control. |
| 335 | Yes, but the batteries. |
| 336 | Thank you. |
| 337 | Thank you very much. |
| 338 | Ooh, ooh. Let's-let's celebrate with some maple candy. |
| 339 | No! |
| 340 | At least tell me where you hid it. |
| 341 | Can I ask you a question? |
| 342 | Yeah. |
| 343 | Have you ever had any... |
| 344 | weird... romantic... dreams? |
| 345 | Hmm. Let me think. |
| 346 | Oh. |
| 347 | When I was younger, I used to dream |
| 348 | that I got married to Mayor McCheese. |
| 349 | And-and on our wedding night, I ate his head. |
| 350 | Okay. |
| 351 | Well, this is like that... |
| 352 | in no way. |
| 353 | I had a... |
| 354 | I had a dream last night that I wanted to kiss Joey. |
| 355 | Wow. |
| 356 | You mean, like, like, "kiss him" kiss him? |
| 357 | Oh, yeah. |
| 358 | I mean, it was pretty intense. |
| 359 | Wow. |
| 360 | What do you think brought that on? |
| 361 | I don't know. |
| 362 | Maybe it has something to do with the fact |
| 363 | that I saw him do a love scene yesterday. |
| 364 | A love scene? With-with who? |
| 365 | Olivia. |
| 366 | Olivia?! |
| 367 | I thought she was marrying Connor? |
| 368 | Oh. Oh, right. |
| 369 | Real life more important. |
| 370 | So, do you think that my dream means anything? |
| 371 | I don't know. |
| 372 | I mean, you saw him do a love scene. |
| 373 | So, maybe you don't have a thing for Joey. |
| 374 | Maybe you have a thing for Drake. |
| 375 | Huh. |
| 376 | Well, it was Joey reading Drake's lines |
| 377 | in the dream. |
| 378 | Of course it was. |
| 379 | Trust me. |
| 380 | When it comes to psychology, |
| 381 | I know what I'm talking about. |
| 382 | I took two psych classes in college. |
| 383 | Oh. |
| 384 | You took the same class twice. |
| 385 | It was hard. |
| 386 | I... |
| 387 | Hey. |
| 388 | Hi. |
| 389 | Hey. |
| 390 | Here, Monica. Look what I got to wear |
| 391 | when I play at your restaurant. |
| 392 | Ha! |
| 393 | Uh, uh. |
| 394 | Wait. |
| 395 | Right? |
| 396 | I think this might even class up |
| 397 | "The Ballad of the Uncircumcised Man." |
| 398 | Um... Phoebe? |
| 399 | Hmm? |
| 400 | Maybe I wasn't clear before. |
| 401 | But I really love listening to your music here, |
| 402 | but my restaurant-- it's sort of an upscale place. |
| 403 | Right, yeah, okay. |
| 404 | I'll ask the butler to fetch my diamonds out of the vault. |
| 405 | Phoebe, it's not what you wear... |
| 406 | it's sort of your songs. |
| 407 | I just don't think you should play at the restaurant anymore. |
| 408 | Oh. |
| 409 | Okay. |
| 410 | Fine, I'll just... I'll... |
| 411 | I'll take the hat back. |
| 412 | There. |
| 413 | Hey. |
| 414 | So, you guys, the funniest thing happened at work... |
| 415 | What, my songs aren't good enough for your restaurant? |
| 416 | Okay, we're still on that. |
| 417 | I didn't say your songs weren't good enough. |
| 418 | Well, then what's wrong with them? |
| 419 | What, they don't go with |
| 420 | your tiny portions of pretentious food? |
| 421 | Tiny portions? |
| 422 | Yeah, well, um, "Excuse me, |
| 423 | "I ordered the smoked salmon appetizer. |
| 424 | But I can't see it. I can't see it." |
| 425 | Phoebe, it's not about quantity. |
| 426 | Well, it's not about quality. |
| 427 | Oh... oh, really? |
| 428 | You want to talk about quality? |
| 429 | Have you ever heard of "a key"? |
| 430 | It's what some people sing in. |
| 431 | Well, at least all my songs don't taste like garlic. |
| 432 | Yeah, there are other ingredients, Monica. |
| 433 | Oh, okay, so that's what we're doing. |
| 434 | Well, you know what, when I'm in the coffeehouse |
| 435 | bopping along to one of your songs, |
| 436 | I'm wearing ear plugs. |
| 437 | Ear plugs? Or cloves of garlic? |
| 438 | You know what? You know what? |
| 439 | I take back what I said before. |
| 440 | You keep playing at the restaurant. |
| 441 | Because with your music driving people inside, |
| 442 | my bar sales have gone up like crazy. |
| 443 | What are people having, the garlic martini?! |
| 444 | Here's your copy of the bill. |
| 445 | We hope you enjoyed your stay. |
| 446 | Oh, we did. |
| 447 | And you still have all your lamps. |
| 448 | Well, I didn't factor in the room tax. |
| 449 | Oh, dude, don't worry about it. |
| 450 | I found an unattended maid's cart. |
| 451 | We're way ahead of the game. |
| 452 | Oh, my God. |
| 453 | What? |
| 454 | There's something new in the bowl. |
| 455 | Look, we have enough. Just walk away. |
| 456 | But I-I want... I want the pine cones. |
| 457 | There's a forest right outside. |
| 458 | It's not the same. |
| 459 | Okay, go quick. |
| 460 | ( caws ) |
| 461 | Thank you for a delightful stay. |
| 462 | Oh, my maple candy! |
| 463 | ♪ The food here at Javu ♪ |
| 464 | ♪ Will kill you ♪ |
| 465 | ♪ The food here at Javu ♪ |
| 466 | ♪ Will kill you ♪ |
| 467 | Oh, thank God it's just you. |
| 468 | I thought someone was swinging a bag of cats against the wall. |
| 469 | You better get back in that kitchen, Monica. |
| 470 | The garlic's not going to overuse itself. |
| 471 | Okay, you have to stop playing now. |
| 472 | Why? The only person my playing is bothering is you. |
| 473 | Oh, yeah? |
| 474 | Okay, let's settle this. Come on. |
| 475 | Get your garlic peelers off me. |
| 476 | Excuse me. Excuse me. |
| 477 | Hi, I'm Monica Gellar. I'm the head chef here. |
| 478 | Okay, I was actually expecting a little applause there, |
| 479 | but whatever. Okay. |
| 480 | Okay, quick question: By a show of hands, |
| 481 | how many of you were bothered by this woman's singing outside? |
| 482 | Okay, okay. |
| 483 | How many of you enjoyed the music outside? |
| 484 | Ha. |
| 485 | All right. |
| 486 | Let me ask you this question. |
| 487 | How many of you thought the music was fine |
| 488 | but not in keeping with the tone of the restaurant? |
| 489 | Okay, well... |
| 490 | who identified the tone of this restaurant |
| 491 | as pretentious comma garlicky? |
| 492 | Okay. Who thinks the food is delicious |
| 493 | and a little pretension never hurt anyone? |
| 494 | Okay, well, all right. |
| 495 | Who thinks the food is fine, the music was fine, |
| 496 | but your evening was ruined by this incessant poll taking? |
| 497 | Excuse us. |
| 498 | All right, here's a question. |
| 499 | Who was so worried about her restaurant being fancy |
| 500 | that she made a big deal about her friend playing her music |
| 501 | and feels really bad about it now? |
| 502 | Oh. |
| 503 | Well, who was so stupid and stubborn |
| 504 | that she lashed out against her friend's cooking |
| 505 | which she actually thinks is pretty great? |
| 506 | I'm sorry. I'm sorry, too. |
| 507 | Hey, you want to stick around |
| 508 | and I'll whip you up some dinner? |
| 509 | Yeah, as long as it's free. |
| 510 | Food here is ridiculously overpr... |
| 511 | Who's hoping the hand-raising thing is still cute enough |
| 512 | that you won't hate me? |
| 513 | Hey. Hey. |
| 514 | Joey... |
| 515 | do you have peanut butter on the back of your head? |
| 516 | Oh, man, I thought I got it all. |
| 517 | How...? |
| 518 | How? |
| 519 | Well, I was making a peanut butter smoothie, right. |
| 520 | And I couldn't find the... |
| 521 | this little plastic thingy that goes in the top of the blender. |
| 522 | And I thought, well, you know, "How important can be, right?" |
| 523 | It turns out, very. |
| 524 | Wow. |
| 525 | Definitely just Drake. |
| 526 | What? |
| 527 | How's it going with Drake? |
| 528 | Oh. |
| 529 | I don't think it's going very well. |
| 530 | What? |
| 531 | That scene I saw was so good. |
| 532 | Well, I'm feeling really insecure about the one we're shooting tomorrow. |
| 533 | Joey, is this that thing that you do when you say you're bad, |
| 534 | so I'll give you a compliment? |
| 535 | A little. |
| 536 | No, but I really am worried. |
| 537 | I mean, I have to make it convincing that... |
| 538 | that I'm in love with Olivia. |
| 539 | So? |
| 540 | So, I've never played that. |
| 541 | Oh, honey, it can't be that hard. |
| 542 | I mean, you've been in love before. |
| 543 | Uh, well... just once. |
| 544 | With you. |
| 545 | Okay. |
| 546 | This could be a little awkward. |
| 547 | I'm just going to blow past it. |
| 548 | Well, can't you just use that method, that actor thing |
| 549 | where you use your real-life memories |
| 550 | to help you in your performance? |
| 551 | What the hell are you talking about? |
| 552 | All right. All right, look, just, um... |
| 553 | just try to remember how you felt when you were in love |
| 554 | and think about that when you're playing the scene. |
| 555 | Oh. |
| 556 | Okay. |
| 557 | Yeah. |
| 558 | I think I can do that. |
| 559 | Yeah, okay. |
| 560 | There's this party scene coming up |
| 561 | and Olivia and her husband are there |
| 562 | and all Drake wants to do is grab her and kiss her, |
| 563 | but he can't. |
| 564 | And that makes me think about all those times |
| 565 | I wanted to grab you and kiss you, but you didn't know, |
| 566 | so I would just pretend everything was cool, |
| 567 | but really it was killing me. |
| 568 | Joey, you never... |
| 569 | you never talked about that before. |
| 570 | Hey, you know what else I could use? |
| 571 | There's this scene where Drake sneaks into Olivia's bedroom |
| 572 | and she doesn't know he's there-- |
| 573 | which never happened with us. |
| 574 | He knows he shouldn't be there, |
| 575 | but he just wants to look at her, you know. |
| 576 | And I remember all those mornings |
| 577 | before you even put on your makeup |
| 578 | when I would think to myself, "My God, she is beautiful." |
| 579 | And it hurt so much because I knew |
| 580 | I could never tell you. |
| 581 | But it was worth it just to be there looking at you. |
| 582 | Thanks, dude. This is great! |
| 583 | ( door closes ) |
| 584 | Besides tampons and salt? |
| 585 | Oh. Oh, my God. |
| 586 | Maple candy. |
| 587 | That's so sweet of you. |
| 588 | Mmm... |
| 589 | That's weird; it's empty. |
| 590 | Hi, you guys. |
| 591 | What's going on? |
| 592 | You-you guys want to hang out or...? |
| 593 | Do you, do you guys hear a buzzing? |
| 594 | Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org |
| 595 | |
| 1 | Hey, you guys, what are you doing tomorrow night? |
| 2 | Well, let me see. |
| 3 | I believe I'm... |
| 4 | yes, falling asleep in front of the TV. |
| 5 | My agent hooked me up with six tickets |
| 6 | to a great play. |
| 7 | I could fall asleep at a play. |
| 8 | What is it? |
| 9 | It's a one-woman play called, |
| 10 | Why Don't You Like Me? |
| 11 | A Bitter Woman's Journey Through Life. |
| 12 | That sounds interesting. |
| 13 | That does sound interesting. |
| 14 | I mean, to listen to a woman complain for two hours. |
| 15 | I don't think it gets bett... |
| 16 | ( snoring ) |
| 17 | I know, I know. |
| 18 | We can drive, we can vote, we can work. |
| 19 | What more do these broads want? |
| 20 | Well, you guys are going to have a great time, I promise. |
| 21 | What? How come you don't have to go? |
| 22 | I wish I could, but I just found out |
| 23 | that I have to be at work really early the next day. |
| 24 | So I can't go. |
| 25 | But, you know, take the extra ticket |
| 26 | and invite whoever you want. |
| 27 | Ooh, let's see, who do I hate? |
| 28 | Oh, sorry. |
| 29 | Oh, sorry. |
| 30 | Hey, up we go. |
| 31 | All right. |
| 32 | Oh. |
| 33 | Can I ask you a question? |
| 34 | Yeah. |
| 35 | Do you think it's possible |
| 36 | for two friends to fool around |
| 37 | and not have it be a big deal? |
| 38 | No, I don't think that ever works. |
| 39 | Why? |
| 40 | No reason. |
| 41 | No, no. Rachel? |
| 42 | Yeah? |
| 43 | Who do you want to fool around with? |
| 44 | Nobody. Forget it. |
| 45 | ( whispers ): Maybe. |
| 46 | You can't. |
| 47 | Why? |
| 48 | ( whispering ) |
| 49 | Seriously, I did not understand a word you just said. |
| 50 | In the hall. |
| 51 | All right. |
| 52 | You want to fool around with Joey? |
| 53 | Yeah. You know what? |
| 54 | Ever since I had that dream about him, |
| 55 | I can't get it out of my head. |
| 56 | I mean, what's the big deal? |
| 57 | People do it all time. |
| 58 | Who? Who do you know that are friends |
| 59 | that just fool around? |
| 60 | Okay, off the top of my head... |
| 61 | Don and Janet. |
| 62 | Who are they? |
| 63 | I, uh, I know them from work. |
| 64 | Both of them? |
| 65 | No, one of them. |
| 66 | Which one? |
| 67 | I don't know. |
| 68 | What were the names I just said? |
| 69 | Rachel, things could get incredibly complicated. |
| 70 | All right, all right, all right. You're right. |
| 71 | I won't do anything with Joey. |
| 72 | I just thought it would... |
| 73 | Okay, that would be two cups of tarragon, |
| 74 | one pound of baking soda and one red onion? |
| 75 | What the hell are you cooking? |
| 76 | ♪ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ♪ |
| 77 | ♪ Your job's a joke, you're broke ♪ |
| 78 | ♪ Your love life's D.O.A. ♪ |
| 79 | ♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪ |
| 80 | ♪ When it hasn't been your day, your week ♪ |
| 81 | ♪ Your month, or even your year ♪ |
| 82 | ♪ But I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 83 | ♪ When the rain starts to pour ♪ |
| 84 | ♪ I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 85 | ♪ Like I've been there before ♪ |
| 86 | ♪ I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 87 | ♪ 'Cause you're there for me, too. ♪ |
| 88 | Hey. |
| 89 | Hey. |
| 90 | You guys won't believe |
| 91 | what I have to do for work today. |
| 92 | Yes, but Ross, you chose a career |
| 93 | of talking about dinosaurs. |
| 94 | There are these two professors |
| 95 | who are joining my department, |
| 96 | and I have to meet them here and show them around campus. |
| 97 | What's so bad about that? |
| 98 | Well, I just know they're going to be couple of old windbags |
| 99 | wearing tweed jackets with suede elbow patches. |
| 100 | Ross... |
| 101 | These aren't suede. |
| 102 | Excuse me. |
| 103 | I'm looking for someone. |
| 104 | You don't by any chance |
| 105 | know a Ross Geller? |
| 106 | No. |
| 107 | Hi. |
| 108 | Hi. I'm Ross Geller. |
| 109 | Oh, hi. |
| 110 | I'm Professor Wheeler. |
| 111 | Oh... oh, that's... |
| 112 | that's, that's nice. |
| 113 | It's good to meet you. |
| 114 | Thank you so much for taking the time out |
| 115 | to show me around. |
| 116 | Oh, no, it's no big deal. |
| 117 | I mean, if I weren't doing this, I'd just, you know, |
| 118 | be at the gym working out. |
| 119 | Is he going to introduce us? |
| 120 | I think we're just blurry shapes to him now. |
| 121 | By the way, I really enjoyed your paper |
| 122 | on the connection between geographic isolation |
| 123 | and rapid mutagenesis. |
| 124 | Oh... |
| 125 | I wrote that in one night. |
| 126 | 20 bucks says they're married within the month. |
| 127 | We should probably get going. |
| 128 | Um, you know, we've got a lot of ground to cover. |
| 129 | Oh, isn't there another professor |
| 130 | that's supposed to come with us? |
| 131 | I don't think so. |
| 132 | I'm pretty sure a Professor Spafford from Cornell? |
| 133 | Well, he's obviously late |
| 134 | and the rule in my class is, if you can't come on time, |
| 135 | then don't come at all. |
| 136 | An option that many of my students use. |
| 137 | Shall we? |
| 138 | You don't think we should wait for him? |
| 139 | Oh, you know what? He's a big boy. |
| 140 | I'm sure he'll find us, okay? |
| 141 | Professor Geller? |
| 142 | Aw, damn it. |
| 143 | ( beep ) |
| 144 | WOMAN: Hi, Joey. It's Jan Rogers. |
| 145 | Can't wait for your party tonight. |
| 146 | Listen, I forgot your address. |
| 147 | Can you give me a call? |
| 148 | Thanks. Bye. |
| 149 | ( humming tune ) |
| 150 | Hey. |
| 151 | Hey. |
| 152 | What's happening? |
| 153 | Yeah, it's a real shame you can't make it |
| 154 | to that one-woman show tonight. |
| 155 | Oh, I'd love to, but I got to get up so early the next day. |
| 156 | You know me, work comes first. |
| 157 | Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. |
| 158 | Hi, Joey. It's Jan Rogers. |
| 159 | Can't wait for your party tonight... |
| 160 | Stupid Jan Rogers! |
| 161 | You are having a party tonight?! |
| 162 | Kind of having a thing |
| 163 | for the Days of Our Lives people. |
| 164 | And you weren't going to tell us? |
| 165 | How did you think you were going to get away with that? |
| 166 | I do it every year. |
| 167 | You do that every year?! |
| 168 | I didn't have to tell you that. |
| 169 | God, I'm stupider than Jan Rogers. |
| 170 | ( gasps ) |
| 171 | That's why you got us tickets to that play. |
| 172 | To get rid of us. |
| 173 | Yeah. |
| 174 | And last year, is that why you sent us to that |
| 175 | Medieval Times restaurant? |
| 176 | Yeah. |
| 177 | And the year before that |
| 178 | when you set up that nighttime tour of that button factory? |
| 179 | I can't believe you guys went for that one. |
| 180 | Joey, why wouldn't you invite us to your parties? |
| 181 | You're fine, okay? |
| 182 | But everyone else acts like an idiot |
| 183 | around famous people. |
| 184 | Well, then so just invite me. |
| 185 | Please, I was trying to be nice. |
| 186 | You're the worst one. |
| 187 | Oh, Joey, come on, please, please, let me come. |
| 188 | I will behave, I promise. |
| 189 | I will behave. Please, please, please... |
| 190 | Okay, okay, fine, you can come. |
| 191 | But don't tell anybody else. |
| 192 | It's up on the roof at 8:00. |
| 193 | A soap opera roof party?! |
| 194 | I'm going to a soap opera roof party?! |
| 195 | Oh, my God! Oh, my God! |
| 196 | And it's out of my system. |
| 197 | ( speaking slowly ): And then my wife and I went on a cruise |
| 198 | to the Galapagos. |
| 199 | There was a seafood buffet you wouldn't believe. |
| 200 | There were clams... |
| 201 | and mussels... |
| 202 | and oysters... |
| 203 | and cracked crab... |
| 204 | and snow crab... |
| 205 | and king crab. |
| 206 | It's a pity I'm allergic to shellfish. |
| 207 | So where did you get your undergraduate degree? |
| 208 | And that's not all I'm allergic to. |
| 209 | Oh, it's not over. |
| 210 | I'm also allergic to peanuts and cashews |
| 211 | and almonds and filberts... |
| 212 | So, basically all nuts. |
| 213 | Interestingly, no. |
| 214 | Kind of playing it fast and loose |
| 215 | with the word "interesting." |
| 216 | If you'll excuse me, I'm going to use the restroom. |
| 217 | Oh, my God! |
| 218 | I've lost the will to live. |
| 219 | Let's ditch him. |
| 220 | What? |
| 221 | Come on, while he's still in the bathroom. |
| 222 | I'm begging you. |
| 223 | Okay, okay, fine. |
| 224 | But I just have one question for you. |
| 225 | ( imitating Spafford ): When we exit, should we walk or run |
| 226 | or prance, or stroll...? |
| 227 | Stop it! Stop it! |
| 228 | He talks slow, but he might pee fast, okay? Let's go. |
| 229 | Oh, hey, you guys, this is Charlie. |
| 230 | Charlie, this is Phoebe and my sister Monica. |
| 231 | Hi. |
| 232 | Charlie's going to be joining my department. |
| 233 | Oh, you're a paleontologist, too? |
| 234 | Oh, okay, now, what do you think of Renyard's new theory |
| 235 | of species variegation in segmented arthropods? |
| 236 | Well, I think he's a little out there, |
| 237 | but he does have some interesting ideas. |
| 238 | Uh-huh. |
| 239 | ( phone ringing ) |
| 240 | Oh, I'm sorry. |
| 241 | I have to take this. Excuse me. |
| 242 | Renyard's theory of species variegation? |
| 243 | Yeah, I saw the article on your coffee table |
| 244 | and memorized the title to freak you out. |
| 245 | So, did you two have fun? |
| 246 | Oh, my God, she's-she's great. |
| 247 | I mean, we have so much in common, |
| 248 | and she's just cool, you know, and funny. |
| 249 | I don't know if you've noticed, but she's a... ♪ hottie. ♪ |
| 250 | ♪ Hi. ♪ |
| 251 | Hey. Hi, you guys. |
| 252 | Listen, you know what? |
| 253 | I'm not feeling really well, |
| 254 | and I don't think I'm going to get to go to the play. |
| 255 | Really? What's wrong? |
| 256 | I don't know. |
| 257 | I think it's kind of serious. |
| 258 | Um, you know, I was watching this thing on TV this morning |
| 259 | about Newcastle Disease, |
| 260 | and I think I might have it. |
| 261 | Newcastle Disease is a secretion-borne virus |
| 262 | that only affects chickens and other poultry. |
| 263 | Okay, who's this? |
| 264 | I'm sorry. Rachel, this is Charlie Wheeler. |
| 265 | She's a colleague. |
| 266 | Oh, hi. |
| 267 | I would shake your hand, |
| 268 | but I'm sure you don't want to get my chicken disease. |
| 269 | Rachel, can I see you for a second? |
| 270 | Sure. |
| 271 | You're not sick. |
| 272 | What? Yes, I am. |
| 273 | Okay, then why are you... all dressed up? |
| 274 | Becau... when you're sick you do whatever you can |
| 275 | to make yourself feel better. |
| 276 | You just want to stay home |
| 277 | so you can make a move on Joey. |
| 278 | Oh, no, no. |
| 279 | I heard you before. |
| 280 | That is so not what this is. |
| 281 | Okay, then what is this? |
| 282 | Okay... |
| 283 | Joey is having a secret Days of Our Lives party |
| 284 | up on the roof, and he sent you guys to the play |
| 285 | to get rid of you. |
| 286 | What?! |
| 287 | What-what's going on? |
| 288 | Joey is having a secret Days of Our Lives party up on the roof. |
| 289 | And he didn't want you guys to know about it, |
| 290 | but I came over here to tell you. |
| 291 | I thought you came to say you were sick. |
| 292 | All right, professor or detective? |
| 293 | Wait. Joey's having a party |
| 294 | and he wasn't going to invite us? |
| 295 | Yeah, he does it every year. |
| 296 | That's why he's sending you to the play, |
| 297 | that's why he sent us to that Medieval Restaurant |
| 298 | and to that button factory. |
| 299 | And that horrible museum tour? |
| 300 | No, I arranged that. |
| 301 | ( knocking ) |
| 302 | Hey, you guys, I'm turning in. Have fun. |
| 303 | We know about your party, Joey. |
| 304 | What party? |
| 305 | The game's over. |
| 306 | Take off your robe. |
| 307 | Okay, I mean... |
| 308 | No! No! No! |
| 309 | Close it up! |
| 310 | Close it! |
| 311 | Nice to meet you. |
| 312 | Hey, you made it. All right. |
| 313 | Hey, glad you could make it. Thanks for coming. |
| 314 | Oh, my God, Kyle Lowder. |
| 315 | Hi. |
| 316 | I love you! |
| 317 | Hey, that's why I didn't invite you. |
| 318 | You have to calm down, all right? |
| 319 | Just... go get yourself a drink or something. |
| 320 | Oh, yeah, that's what you want. |
| 321 | My inhibitions lowered. |
| 322 | Hey. Oh, my God, |
| 323 | can you believe we're surrounded by all this? |
| 324 | I can barely control myself. |
| 325 | Monica, you might |
| 326 | want to remember that you're married. |
| 327 | Where is Chandler anyway? |
| 328 | Oh, my God, Chandler. |
| 329 | Where the hell is everybody? |
| 330 | Why don't you like me? |
| 331 | Chapter One: My First Period. |
| 332 | Hey, Joey said no autographs. |
| 333 | But if she's getting one, I want one, too. |
| 334 | "To Monica," and none of this "best wishes" crap. |
| 335 | I want "love." |
| 336 | Actually, Mon, |
| 337 | Matthew was giving me his phone number. |
| 338 | Oh, man... |
| 339 | If I had known I was coming to this party, |
| 340 | I never would've gotten married. |
| 341 | It's nice to meet you, Rachel. |
| 342 | Nice to meet you. Call me. |
| 343 | We will. |
| 344 | Look at you, with all the guys. |
| 345 | Guess you've forgotten all about Joey. |
| 346 | Yeah, well. |
| 347 | I guess I have forgotten about Joey. |
| 348 | And clearly, you've forgotten about Chandler. |
| 349 | Oh, please. |
| 350 | Chandler's the love of my life. |
| 351 | Whoa, leather pants. Have mercy. |
| 352 | So, uh... it's probably going to be hard |
| 353 | for you to leave Boston, huh? |
| 354 | Actually, I'm kind of happy to be leaving. |
| 355 | I just broke up with someone. |
| 356 | Oh, so sad. |
| 357 | Still, it can't be easy for you to leave Harvard. |
| 358 | Especially after working alongside |
| 359 | a Nobel prize winner like Albert Wintermeyer. |
| 360 | Actually, Albie's the guy I broke up with. |
| 361 | You dated Albert Wintermeyer? |
| 362 | Yeah. |
| 363 | And you called him "Albie"? |
| 364 | I mean, that's like calling Albert Einstein, uh... |
| 365 | Albie. |
| 366 | Yeah, well, he is a brilliant man. |
| 367 | Ya think? I mean, you went out with |
| 368 | the guy who improved the accuracy of radiocarbon dating |
| 369 | by a factor of ten. Yes. |
| 370 | And while that is everything one looks for in a boyfriend, |
| 371 | he had a lot of issues. |
| 372 | Oh, like what? |
| 373 | I'm sorry, I don't mean to pry. |
| 374 | It's just that this must be what regular people experience |
| 375 | when they watch Access Hollywood. |
| 376 | Okay, you want the dirt? |
| 377 | Albie was seriously insecure. |
| 378 | I mean, he was really intimidated by the guy I dated before him. |
| 379 | Who's intimidating to a guy who won the Nobel prize? |
| 380 | A guy who won two. |
| 381 | Two? |
| 382 | Don't tell me you dated Benjamin Hobart? |
| 383 | Yeah, for three years. |
| 384 | Oh, my God. |
| 385 | Have you ever been in a relationship with someone |
| 386 | who hasn't won the Nobel prize? |
| 387 | No. |
| 388 | But there was my first boyfriend Billy. |
| 389 | Oh, yeah, no Nobel prizes for him? |
| 390 | No. |
| 391 | But he did just win the MacArthur Genius Grant. |
| 392 | ( snorts ): What a loser. |
| 393 | Some more wine? |
| 394 | Hey, Ross. Hey. |
| 395 | How's it going with Charlie? |
| 396 | Oh, great. After I finish my wine |
| 397 | I'm going to blow my average-sized brains out. |
| 398 | What's the matter? |
| 399 | She only dates geniuses and Nobel prize winners. |
| 400 | Oh, my God, at the Chinese restaurant earlier today |
| 401 | I put chopsticks in my mouth |
| 402 | and pretended to be a woolly mammoth. |
| 403 | I always loved that. |
| 404 | Of course you would, your brains are smaller than mine. |
| 405 | I can't compete with the guys she goes out with. |
| 406 | They're so out of my league. |
| 407 | Oh, my God. |
| 408 | Worse? |
| 409 | Oh, much, much worse. |
| 410 | I did my impression of Joan Rivers |
| 411 | as one of the earliest amphibians. |
| 412 | "Can we walk?" |
| 413 | ( giggles ) |
| 414 | Oh, you like that? |
| 415 | No. What? |
| 416 | Come on. |
| 417 | I think that's funny. |
| 418 | Woolly mammoth. |
| 419 | Come on. |
| 420 | ( applause ) |
| 421 | Well, I bet you're all thinking |
| 422 | that now would be a really great time |
| 423 | for an intermission, huh? |
| 424 | ( sighs ): Oh, yes. God, yes. |
| 425 | Well, you're not going to get one. |
| 426 | 'Cause in life there are no intermissions, people. |
| 427 | Now, Chapter Seven: |
| 428 | Divorce is a Four-Letter Word. |
| 429 | How could he leave me?! |
| 430 | I-I don't know, you seem lovely. |
| 431 | Hey, Ross. |
| 432 | This is one of my co-stars, Dirk. |
| 433 | Dirk, this is my good friend Ross. |
| 434 | Nice to meet you. Hey. |
| 435 | So what show you on? |
| 436 | Oh, I'm not an actor. |
| 437 | I'm a professor of paleontology. |
| 438 | That's science. |
| 439 | Oh. |
| 440 | Hey, well, listen, I play a scientist on Days. |
| 441 | My character just won a Nobel prize. |
| 442 | Hey, Ross, listen, |
| 443 | Dirk was wondering about the woman that you brought. |
| 444 | And if you guys are together or...? |
| 445 | Oh, um, well, no, but... |
| 446 | she only goes out with really, really smart guys. |
| 447 | Hey, I got a 690 on my SATs. |
| 448 | I'd lead with that. |
| 449 | That's it, just sign right on the bra. |
| 450 | Monica! |
| 451 | Don't worry, Joe, I won't come next year. |
| 452 | What do you got there? |
| 453 | Oh, just some boys gave me their phone numbers. |
| 454 | Really? Let me see. |
| 455 | Oh. |
| 456 | Damn, that's a lot of guys. |
| 457 | Are you a little slutty? |
| 458 | I think I am. |
| 459 | Let me see if I approve of any of these clowns. |
| 460 | Oh, this guy wears a rug. |
| 461 | This guy's Canadian. |
| 462 | And this guy is in a cult, okay? |
| 463 | It'll cost you $5,000 to get to level three. |
| 464 | And I don't feel any different. |
| 465 | Pass... oh, pass. Pass. |
| 466 | Why? Why? What's wrong with these guys? |
| 467 | Well, nothing major. |
| 468 | It's just that, you know, |
| 469 | they're not really good enough for you. |
| 470 | And you deserve the best. |
| 471 | Joey, you're so sweet. |
| 472 | It's true. |
| 473 | But it doesn't matter because I already know |
| 474 | who you're going to go home with tonight. |
| 475 | Who? |
| 476 | Me. |
| 477 | What? |
| 478 | Really? |
| 479 | Yeah, because we live together. |
| 480 | It's a joke. |
| 481 | Oh, I get it! |
| 482 | Right, that's funny. I get it. |
| 483 | Got ya. You're funny, Joey. |
| 484 | ( sighs ) |
| 485 | So, how did you enjoy the play? |
| 486 | Oh, my God, honey, |
| 487 | I am so, so, so, so, so, so sorry. |
| 488 | Well, you should be. |
| 489 | You missed the most powerful three hours |
| 490 | in the history of the theater. |
| 491 | You really liked it? Oh, yeah. |
| 492 | I mean, at first I hated it. But why wouldn't I? |
| 493 | Because as a man, I've been trained not to listen! |
| 494 | But after Chapter 16: |
| 495 | Fat, Single and Ready to Mingle, |
| 496 | I was uplifted. |
| 497 | Wow, really? |
| 498 | Oh, yeah, I had no idea of the amazing journey |
| 499 | you go through as a woman. |
| 500 | Tell me... tell me about your first period. |
| 501 | No. |
| 502 | Did somebody sign your bra? |
| 503 | So I got it when I was 13. |
| 504 | Very difficult and it... |
| 505 | Hey, Ross. |
| 506 | So, listen, about you and the dinosaur girl... |
| 507 | Are you really just going to let |
| 508 | a couple of Nobel prizes scare you off? |
| 509 | What is that? Come on, a piece of paper? |
| 510 | It's actually a million dollar prize. |
| 511 | Go, Charlie. |
| 512 | But my point is... |
| 513 | okay, so she dated them, |
| 514 | but she also broke up with them. |
| 515 | Maybe she's looking to, you know, |
| 516 | slum it with some average Joe PhD. |
| 517 | Yeah, maybe. |
| 518 | And I do have my whole career in front of me. |
| 519 | I mean, I-I could still win a Nobel prize. |
| 520 | Although, the last two papers I've written |
| 521 | were widely discredited. |
| 522 | You're so much more than just brains. |
| 523 | You are sweet and kind and funny. |
| 524 | And sexy. |
| 525 | Okay, well, give her a chance to see all that. |
| 526 | Yeah. Yeah. |
| 527 | You're right. Thanks, Pheebs. |
| 528 | I'm going to go find her. |
| 529 | Good for you. |
| 530 | Hey, and I thought your paper on punctuated equilibrium |
| 531 | in the Devonian Era was top notch. |
| 532 | Stop going through my stuff. |
| 533 | Hey. Hey. |
| 534 | I just wanted to let you know, |
| 535 | I've changed my mind. |
| 536 | I'm going to do it, I'm going to kiss Joey. |
| 537 | No. You can't. |
| 538 | Friends hooking up is a bad idea. |
| 539 | Please, what about you and Chandler? |
| 540 | That's different. I was drunk and stupid. |
| 541 | Well, hello! |
| 542 | What about all the guys |
| 543 | that you got the phone numbers from? |
| 544 | Why don't you just kiss one of them? |
| 545 | I could, I could, but I don't want to. |
| 546 | I want to kiss Joey. |
| 547 | All right. |
| 548 | I think it's a big mistake, but it's your decision. |
| 549 | I'm going to do it. |
| 550 | And I can't stop you. |
| 551 | No. |
| 552 | Hey, Rach, |
| 553 | have you seen Charlie anywhere? |
| 554 | I'm smarter than him! |
| 555 | Thank you so much for these tickets, Chandler. |
| 556 | This was a really important experience for me |
| 557 | and I wanted to share it with you. |
| 558 | You're so wonderful. |
| 559 | Why don't you like me? |
| 560 | Chapter One: My First Period. |
| 561 | Can't believe you guys bought that. |
| 562 | Enjoy your slow death. |
| 563 | Captioned by Media Access Group at WGH access.wgbh.org |
| 564 | |
| 1 | It's so weird. |
| 2 | How did Joey end up kissing Charlie last night? |
| 3 | I thought you'd end up kissing Charlie. |
| 4 | Hey, I thought I'd end up kissing Charlie, too, okay? |
| 5 | But surprise! |
| 6 | I missed most of the party. |
| 7 | Charlie's a girl, right? |
| 8 | Yes, she's this new professor in my department |
| 9 | that I did not kiss. |
| 10 | I don't know why Joey had to kiss her. |
| 11 | I mean, of all the girls at the party, God! |
| 12 | Why do you care so much? |
| 13 | Yes, Rachel... |
| 14 | why do you care so much? |
| 15 | Because Ross is the father of my child... you know, |
| 16 | and I want him to hook up with lots of women. |
| 17 | Look, I just, all I'm saying |
| 18 | is I don't think that Joey and Charlie |
| 19 | have anything in common. |
| 20 | I don't know, they seemed to have a shared interest |
| 21 | in each other's tonsils. |
| 22 | Wow. Joey and a professor. |
| 23 | Can you imagine if they had kids? |
| 24 | And if the kids got her intelligence |
| 25 | and Joey's raw sexual magnetism? |
| 26 | Those nerds would get laid. |
| 27 | All right, so, Ross, you're okay with all this? |
| 28 | Yeah, it's no big deal. |
| 29 | I mean, I just met her. I'm fine with it. |
| 30 | Oh, I forgot how hot she was. |
| 31 | I'm going to get some more coffee. |
| 32 | Oh, you know, I'll come with you. |
| 33 | Okay. |
| 34 | So, a professor, huh? |
| 35 | Yeah. |
| 36 | She is cool. |
| 37 | And she's so smart. |
| 38 | Her mind is totally acrimonious. |
| 39 | Guess that's not how she used it. |
| 40 | I feel like I owe you an explanation. |
| 41 | I don't ordinarily go around kissing guys at parties. |
| 42 | I'm, uh... |
| 43 | well, I'm kind of embarrassed. |
| 44 | I really hope you don't think less of me. |
| 45 | Think less of you? No. |
| 46 | I don't think less of you. |
| 47 | I mean, you saw someone you liked and you kissed them. |
| 48 | Those people who like someone and don't kiss them, |
| 49 | those people are stupid. |
| 50 | I hate those people. |
| 51 | You know, actually, I'm a little surprised at myself. |
| 52 | I mean, Joey is so different from the guys I usually date. |
| 53 | I mean, they're all professors, intellectuals, |
| 54 | paleontologists mostly. |
| 55 | You know, very cerebral... |
| 56 | Yeah, I know the type. |
| 57 | Hey, if we want to grab a bite before work, |
| 58 | we'd better get acrimonious. |
| 59 | No? |
| 60 | Am I getting close? |
| 61 | ♪ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ♪ |
| 62 | ♪ Your job's a joke, you're broke ♪ |
| 63 | ♪ Your love life's D.O.A. ♪ |
| 64 | ♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪ |
| 65 | ♪ When it hasn't been your day, your week ♪ |
| 66 | ♪ Your month, or even your year ♪ |
| 67 | ♪ But I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 68 | ♪ When the rain starts to pour ♪ |
| 69 | ♪ I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 70 | ♪ Like I've been there before ♪ |
| 71 | ♪ I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 72 | ♪ 'Cause you're there for me, too. ♪ |
| 73 | Hey. |
| 74 | RACHEL: Hi. |
| 75 | Hey, you guys, look what I just got. |
| 76 | RACHEL: Oh, wow, I love those. |
| 77 | Where did you get them? |
| 78 | I bought them off eBay. |
| 79 | They used to belong to the late Shania Twain. |
| 80 | Phoebe, Shania Twain is still alive. |
| 81 | Oh, then I overpaid. |
| 82 | Hey, what's this? |
| 83 | Oh, it's a gift certificate to this new spa in Soho. |
| 84 | Well, you can't show Phoebe this. |
| 85 | She hates those corporate massage chains. |
| 86 | Oh, now I can't get a massage? |
| 87 | There are so many things that she disapproves of. |
| 88 | I can't eat veal. |
| 89 | I can't wear fur. |
| 90 | I can't go hunting. |
| 91 | Do you want to go hunting? |
| 92 | Well, I would like to have the option. |
| 93 | Oh, what's that? |
| 94 | Hey, Rachel. |
| 95 | What? |
| 96 | No, you can't go there. |
| 97 | You know how I feel about these big massage places. |
| 98 | They're putting people like me out of business. |
| 99 | And she wants to go hunting, too. |
| 100 | Phoebe, come on, I don't want to waste it. |
| 101 | It would be like throwing away a hundred bucks. |
| 102 | Okay, this is not about the money, okay? |
| 103 | It's about... it's about corporate greed |
| 104 | destroying our hearts and leaving us hollow shells. |
| 105 | I don't care about any of that. |
| 106 | Well, do you care about friendship? |
| 107 | I feel really strongly about this, Rachel. |
| 108 | Please don't use this gift certificate. |
| 109 | I'm asking you as a friend. |
| 110 | Oh, not as a friend, Phoebe... |
| 111 | Fine, I won't use it. |
| 112 | Promise? |
| 113 | I promise. |
| 114 | Thank you. |
| 115 | Well, I am going hunting. |
| 116 | Hey, honey. |
| 117 | I missed you today. |
| 118 | Oh, yeah? |
| 119 | What do you want to do tonight? |
| 120 | Oh, well, maybe we could, uh... |
| 121 | Okay, trying to turn me on by making a mess? |
| 122 | Know your audience. |
| 123 | Besides, tomorrow we're doing those fertility tests. |
| 124 | And until then, |
| 125 | you need to keep your tadpoles in the tank. |
| 126 | Do we really need to take those tests? |
| 127 | Honey, we've been trying to have a baby for over a year. |
| 128 | I just think it's a good idea |
| 129 | to find out if everything's okay. |
| 130 | Just a few routine tests. |
| 131 | But I don't want to do it in a cup. |
| 132 | What is the big deal? |
| 133 | It's weird. |
| 134 | You're in a doctor's office. |
| 135 | It's not okay to do it in a doctor's office, |
| 136 | but it is okay to do it in a parked car behind a Taco Bell? |
| 137 | I cannot believe Ross told you that. |
| 138 | And in my defense, it was a Wendy's. |
| 139 | Look, I don't want to do these tests either, |
| 140 | but I really do think it's a good idea. |
| 141 | Yeah, okay, I'm sure a doctor's office can't be worse |
| 142 | than on a class trip to the Hershey factory. |
| 143 | ( gasps ) |
| 144 | Oh, yeah! Rachel talks, too! |
| 145 | Who says wine has to cost more than milk? |
| 146 | ( knocking at door ) |
| 147 | Hey. Hi. |
| 148 | Come on in. How are you? |
| 149 | I'm good. |
| 150 | Can I offer you a drink? |
| 151 | Please. |
| 152 | I have been crazed all day. |
| 153 | I had a meeting with the dean, |
| 154 | and my syllabus for summer school is due, |
| 155 | and I'm writing the foreword for a friend's book. |
| 156 | Yeah, I had a pretty hectic day at work, too. |
| 157 | Today I had to open a door and go... |
| 158 | ( gasps ) |
| 159 | So I am just so excited to be here. |
| 160 | I mean, I cannot wait to start exploring the city. |
| 161 | Hey, if you need a tour guide... |
| 162 | Oh, you mean it? |
| 163 | That would be so fun. |
| 164 | Oh, yeah, definitely. |
| 165 | Definitely, okay. |
| 166 | Uh, what do you want to see first? |
| 167 | Uh, well... |
| 168 | we could go see the Kronos Quartet |
| 169 | at Avery Fisher Hall. |
| 170 | Okay. |
| 171 | And, uh... |
| 172 | Oh, there's a collection of Walt Whitman letters on display |
| 173 | at the public library. |
| 174 | I know. |
| 175 | But first, |
| 176 | I have to see the Met. |
| 177 | Okay, let me stop you right there. |
| 178 | The Mets suck, okay? |
| 179 | You want to see the Yankees. |
| 180 | No, no, not the Mets. |
| 181 | The Met. Singular. |
| 182 | Which one? They all suck. |
| 183 | The museum. |
| 184 | I don't think so. |
| 185 | Hi, there. |
| 186 | Hello. |
| 187 | ( calm tone ): Welcome to Lavender Day Spa. |
| 188 | How may I help you? |
| 189 | Um, hi. |
| 190 | I have a massage appointment under Rachel Green. |
| 191 | And here is my gift certificate. |
| 192 | This has been torn up. |
| 193 | And taped back together. |
| 194 | Okay, well, I'll call you |
| 195 | as soon as your massage therapist is ready. |
| 196 | Okay. |
| 197 | Have a seat through the glass doors. |
| 198 | ( calm tone ): Through the glass doors. |
| 199 | ( same tone ): Through the glass doors. |
| 200 | All righty then. |
| 201 | Phoebe, |
| 202 | your next client's in the waiting room. |
| 203 | Okay. |
| 204 | Do we have to talk like that |
| 205 | when they're not around? |
| 206 | Oh. |
| 207 | Oh, no, no, no. |
| 208 | Listen... |
| 209 | is there someone who can fill in for me? |
| 210 | Sorry, everyone is booked. |
| 211 | But that woman can't know that I work here. |
| 212 | She's a friend of mine and I made this big stink |
| 213 | about how awful these massage chains are. |
| 214 | Then why do you work here? |
| 215 | Because it's good money. |
| 216 | But that doesn't change the fact |
| 217 | that this is an evil, bloodsucking corporate machine. |
| 218 | Well, I think this is a great place to work. |
| 219 | ( whispering ): Are they listening? |
| 220 | Ross, hey. |
| 221 | Hi. |
| 222 | I, uh... I need to talk to you about Charlie. |
| 223 | Oh, do you? Do you really? |
| 224 | Yeah, I'm kind of having a little problem. |
| 225 | Look, if you don't know what the word "acrimonious" means |
| 226 | just don't use it. |
| 227 | No, look. |
| 228 | You know Charlie, right? |
| 229 | She's cool, she's funny. |
| 230 | Her body is so... |
| 231 | Get to the problem. |
| 232 | Right. |
| 233 | She's just so much smarter |
| 234 | than all the girls I've ever dated. |
| 235 | Combined. |
| 236 | You know, and I just... |
| 237 | I don't want her to think I'm stupid. |
| 238 | Are you wearing two belts? |
| 239 | Hey, what do you know? |
| 240 | You were saying you didn't want to seem stupid. |
| 241 | Right, right, right. |
| 242 | Well, she... like, she wants to go |
| 243 | to all these cultural places |
| 244 | and I don't know how to talk about that stuff. |
| 245 | You got to help me out. |
| 246 | You know, I really don't want to get involved |
| 247 | in your guys' relationship. |
| 248 | Oh, dude, please. Come on. |
| 249 | You're the smartest person I know. |
| 250 | And I really like this girl. |
| 251 | I don't want to lose her. |
| 252 | Fine. |
| 253 | Thanks. |
| 254 | Okay, let's see. |
| 255 | Oh-- you should take her to the Met. |
| 256 | The Mets. |
| 257 | No, no, no. The Met. |
| 258 | The Metropolitan Museum of Art. |
| 259 | Oh, that's what she meant. |
| 260 | You know what, if they're gonna shorten it |
| 261 | they should call it the "Muse," you know, |
| 262 | short for "museum" and avoid all the confusion. |
| 263 | Yeah, yeah, most days the place is packed |
| 264 | with confused, angry baseball fans. |
| 265 | Okay. |
| 266 | All right, so I'll take her to the Met. |
| 267 | Yeah. |
| 268 | Ooh, ooh, okay. |
| 269 | There's this great rare bookstore on Madison Avenue. |
| 270 | You know what, she loves architecture. |
| 271 | You know what you should do? |
| 272 | You should take a walk down Fifth |
| 273 | to the St. Patrick's Cathedral. |
| 274 | And there, there's this great little pastry shop |
| 275 | that she'd love. |
| 276 | Geez, Ross, sounds like you should be going on this date. |
| 277 | But I'm not. |
| 278 | And you know what? |
| 279 | Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. |
| 280 | Slow down. |
| 281 | You're going way too fast, okay? |
| 282 | Go back to the Met. |
| 283 | You got to tell me exactly what to do there. |
| 284 | Okay, when you walk into the museum, take a right. |
| 285 | That's the antiquities wing. |
| 286 | Ancient Egypt, Mesopotamia up to the Byzantine Empire. |
| 287 | Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. |
| 288 | Okay, so I walk in the door, I make a right. |
| 289 | I have a weird feeling about this place. |
| 290 | How do I know they're not going |
| 291 | to secretly videotape me |
| 292 | and put it all over the Internet? |
| 293 | Because, honey-- |
| 294 | and I mean this in the sweetest way possible-- |
| 295 | nobody's going to want to watch that. |
| 296 | Mr. Bing, here you are. |
| 297 | You'll go into that room |
| 298 | and deposit your specimen into the container. |
| 299 | Deposit my specimen. |
| 300 | You know, I usually have to call a 900 number |
| 301 | for that kind of talk. |
| 302 | Thanks. Got it. |
| 303 | All right, honey, my tests are down the hall. |
| 304 | Are you sure you're going to be okay? |
| 305 | Yeah, I guess. |
| 306 | Look, I know this is embarrassing, |
| 307 | but nobody cares. |
| 308 | No one here even knows you. |
| 309 | Oh... |
| 310 | my... God! |
| 311 | Oh, come on! |
| 312 | ( braying laughter ) |
| 313 | How great is this? |
| 314 | We're probably fertile. |
| 315 | Let's go home. |
| 316 | Why are you here? |
| 317 | Well, Sid and I are trying again, |
| 318 | and we had trouble last time, |
| 319 | because apparently... |
| 320 | No, no, no, I mean, why, why is she here? |
| 321 | Oh, someone's a little cranky today |
| 322 | 'cause they have to do it in a cup. |
| 323 | Oh, they gave you the kiddie size. |
| 324 | What? |
| 325 | ( braying laughter ) |
| 326 | This, this was fun, |
| 327 | but I've got an invasive vaginal exam to get to. |
| 328 | I'd love to stay, but I've got a hot date. |
| 329 | Please, go. |
| 330 | Just let me know if you need a hand. |
| 331 | ( laughs ) |
| 332 | I think it just fell off. |
| 333 | ( Swedish accent ): Hello, ya. |
| 334 | It's time for your massage, ya. |
| 335 | Put your face in the hole. |
| 336 | Well, a Swedish massage from a real Swedish person. |
| 337 | Okay, then I'm Swedish. |
| 338 | So, what's your name? |
| 339 | It's a normal Swedish name-- Ikea. |
| 340 | Whoa, what an interesting name. |
| 341 | Ya. |
| 342 | You know, I kind of... |
| 343 | Time for your scalp massage. |
| 344 | Wow, |
| 345 | I really love your... |
| 346 | ( gasps ) |
| 347 | Is something wrong? |
| 348 | No, it just, um... |
| 349 | it feels so good, Ikea. |
| 350 | Hey, say, you'll know this. |
| 351 | What's the capital of Sweden? |
| 352 | Um, Stockholm. |
| 353 | Damn, I wish I knew if that was right. |
| 354 | Note the painterly lines |
| 355 | and subtle impasto on this canvas. |
| 356 | Monet painted quickly and usually outdoors |
| 357 | as his elusive subject was light itself. |
| 358 | Do you have any idea what you just said? |
| 359 | No, no. My mouth says the words, |
| 360 | my brain is thinking monster trucks. |
| 361 | Okay, now remember, when you get to the museum, |
| 362 | Monet is not spelled M-O-N-A-Y. |
| 363 | I wrote that out phonetically for you. |
| 364 | Phonetically? |
| 365 | Yeah, yeah, that mea-- |
| 366 | You know, we don't have time for this, okay. |
| 367 | But I got to say, I'm really impressed |
| 368 | that you were able to memorize all this so quickly. |
| 369 | I'm an actor. |
| 370 | I can memorize anything. |
| 371 | Last week on Days |
| 372 | I had to say "Frontal temporal zygomatic craniotomy." |
| 373 | Wow. What does that mean? |
| 374 | No idea. |
| 375 | But the guy I said it to dies in the next scene, |
| 376 | so I guess it means you're going to get eaten by a bear. |
| 377 | Okay. |
| 378 | Um, so let's move on to the Renaissance. |
| 379 | Okay. |
| 380 | Caravaggio uses chiaroscuro here |
| 381 | to highlight the anguish of the central figure. |
| 382 | Touch it. It's really bumpy. |
| 383 | Uh-uh. Uh-uh. |
| 384 | No, no, no. |
| 385 | No ad-libbing, and, dude, |
| 386 | you can't touch the paintings. |
| 387 | Come on. |
| 388 | No! |
| 389 | My specimen's in the room. |
| 390 | And I just want to thank whoever knocked on the door |
| 391 | while I was in there. |
| 392 | Really helps speed the process along. |
| 393 | Janice... |
| 394 | you're not gone? |
| 395 | Oh, Sid is still in his room. |
| 396 | I don't allow porn at home, |
| 397 | so this is like a vacation for him. |
| 398 | ( laughs ) |
| 399 | So, did you do it? |
| 400 | Did you make your deposit? |
| 401 | Yeah, yeah. Hard part's over. |
| 402 | That's not the hard part, honey. |
| 403 | The hard part is what comes next. |
| 404 | Aren't you a little worried about the results? |
| 405 | I haven't even thought about the results. |
| 406 | I just assumed everything was going to be okay. |
| 407 | Oh, well, you know what? |
| 408 | It probably is. |
| 409 | Yeah, but what if it's not? |
| 410 | What if there's a reason we can't have a baby? |
| 411 | Oh, Chandler, look, |
| 412 | you and Monica are meant to have children. |
| 413 | I'm sure it's going to be just fine. |
| 414 | Yeah, yeah, okay. Thanks. |
| 415 | I can't believe I didn't even think of that. |
| 416 | I guess I was so worried |
| 417 | about having to come here and do that. |
| 418 | You can do it in the parking lot of a Taco Bell, |
| 419 | but you can't do it at a doctor's office? |
| 420 | It was a Wendy's! |
| 421 | ( Swedish accent ): ♪ Eepan, streepan, gloopy, gloppy. ♪ |
| 422 | And that's the Swedish national anthem. |
| 423 | Thank you for asking. |
| 424 | Wow, Ikea, what a rich culture. |
| 425 | Um, you know what? |
| 426 | I have a friend who's a masseuse. |
| 427 | Oh, ya, ya? |
| 428 | Ya. She's not very good, though. |
| 429 | Uh-huh, uh-huh. |
| 430 | And why do you think that is? |
| 431 | I don't know. |
| 432 | Maybe it's because she's got |
| 433 | such callus-y fingers |
| 434 | from playing crummy guitar. |
| 435 | ( feigned laughter ) |
| 436 | Or, maybe she has trouble loosening your knots |
| 437 | because you're such a high-maintenance tight ass. |
| 438 | Phoebe! |
| 439 | You know it's me? |
| 440 | Well, for like a half an hour. |
| 441 | Man, you can lie about Sweden. |
| 442 | How-how can you come here? |
| 443 | How could you not tell me you worked here?! |
| 444 | I don't have to tell you everything. |
| 445 | Yes, you do |
| 446 | if you're going to make me feel guilty |
| 447 | for getting a free massage. |
| 448 | Tip's not included. |
| 449 | Oh! |
| 450 | Phoebe, why did you lie to me |
| 451 | about working here? |
| 452 | Because I was ashamed, okay? |
| 453 | I sold out for the cash. |
| 454 | And they give me benefits |
| 455 | like medical and dental and a four-oh-wunk. |
| 456 | But, you know, you pay a price. |
| 457 | Now I'm this corporate stooge |
| 458 | and-and punching a clock, and... |
| 459 | ( groans with disgust): paying taxes. |
| 460 | Phoebe, honey, if you hate it so much, |
| 461 | you should walk out there right now and quit. |
| 462 | Be true to what you believe in. |
| 463 | Honey, you have principles and I so admire that. |
| 464 | I don't have any! |
| 465 | You know what? You're right. |
| 466 | I am going to quit. |
| 467 | It's time I took my life back. |
| 468 | Good for you, Pheebs. |
| 469 | Okay. |
| 470 | ( whispering ): If you guys have microphones in there, too, |
| 471 | I didn't mean any of that. |
| 472 | I love you. |
| 473 | Aha! Gotcha. |
| 474 | Die! Die! |
| 475 | Die! |
| 476 | "Respectively, Professor R. Geller." |
| 477 | Hey. |
| 478 | Hi. |
| 479 | Hey, how was the Met? |
| 480 | Oh, the museum was amazing. |
| 481 | Yeah? |
| 482 | Yeah, Joey really knows his art, huh? |
| 483 | Not so much, no. |
| 484 | He had clearly memorized all this stuff to say |
| 485 | and some of it didn't even make any sense. |
| 486 | What do you mean? |
| 487 | Well, for one, |
| 488 | he was talking about paintings |
| 489 | that were nowhere around. |
| 490 | Wait a minute. Wh...? |
| 491 | When you guys walked into the Met, |
| 492 | did-did you go to the right? |
| 493 | No, we went to the left. |
| 494 | Oh, Joey, Joey, Joey. |
| 495 | Well, still, I mean, |
| 496 | seems like you guys are having a great time together. |
| 497 | Yeah... |
| 498 | Yeah, it's fun. |
| 499 | What? |
| 500 | Uh, actually, you know, Joey's your friend |
| 501 | and-and you don't really know me that well. |
| 502 | It would be weird. |
| 503 | Well, I mean, a little, but no, what, go on. |
| 504 | Well, um, |
| 505 | I'm just thinking that maybe Joey isn't the right guy |
| 506 | for me to be with right now. |
| 507 | You know, maybe I should... |
| 508 | be with someone... |
| 509 | ( sighs ) |
| 510 | ...I have more in common with. |
| 511 | You know what I mean? |
| 512 | Yeah. |
| 513 | Well, but you know what? |
| 514 | Um... I don't know, |
| 515 | I think you should give Joey a chance. |
| 516 | I mean, he's a great guy. |
| 517 | And sure, he doesn't know that much about art, |
| 518 | but, you know, you could always talk about that |
| 519 | with someone else. |
| 520 | Yeah, I guess that's true. |
| 521 | And if you think about it, |
| 522 | I mean, the reason he memorized all that stuff, |
| 523 | because he thought it was important to you. |
| 524 | You know, that's the kind of guy Joey is. |
| 525 | He is very sweet. |
| 526 | Plus he is hot! |
| 527 | That-that was going to be my next argument. |
| 528 | Hey. |
| 529 | Hey. Hey. |
| 530 | You ready? |
| 531 | Yeah, let's go. |
| 532 | Wow. |
| 533 | ( giggling ) |
| 534 | CHARLIE: Thanks, Ross. |
| 535 | Yep. |
| 536 | JOEY: Hey, Ross. |
| 537 | That art stuff worked. |
| 538 | You hooked me up. |
| 539 | Glad I could help, man. |
| 540 | Although some of the stuff |
| 541 | wasn't where you said it was going to be, but I made it work. |
| 542 | It is not okay that I am aroused by this now. |
| 543 | ( phone rings ) |
| 544 | Hello? |
| 545 | Oh, hi, Dr. Connelly. |
| 546 | Uh, no, well, she's not here, |
| 547 | but, uh, you know, I can tell her. |
| 548 | Should I be sitting down for this? |
| 549 | Oh. |
| 550 | Uh-huh. |
| 551 | Uh-huh. |
| 552 | Well, so, what does that mean? |
| 553 | Okay. Uh... okay, thank you. |
| 554 | Thanks. |
| 555 | Hey, sweetie. |
| 556 | Dr. Connelly just called. |
| 557 | Oh, with good news? |
| 558 | Of course it's not good news. |
| 559 | You just said "Dr. Connelly just called." |
| 560 | If it was good news you would have said, |
| 561 | "Dr. Connelly just called!" |
| 562 | But, um, so, what-what is it? |
| 563 | Is it, um... is there a problem? |
| 564 | Is there a problem with me or... or with you? |
| 565 | Actually, it's both of us. |
| 566 | What? |
| 567 | Apparently, my sperm have low motility |
| 568 | and you have an "inhospitable environment." |
| 569 | Oh. |
| 570 | Well, uh, what does that mean? |
| 571 | It means that my guys won't get off their Barcaloungers |
| 572 | and you have a uterus |
| 573 | that is prepared to kill the ones that do. |
| 574 | It means... |
| 575 | Chandler... |
| 576 | It means that we can keep trying. |
| 577 | But there's a good chance this may never happen for us. |
| 578 | Oh, my God. |
| 579 | I'm sorry. |
| 580 | I'm sorry, too. |
| 581 | ( sniffling ) |
| 582 | Well... |
| 583 | Well, we're going to figure this out. |
| 584 | Yeah. |
| 585 | I know. |
| 586 | Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org |
| 587 | Good morning, Phoebe. |
| 588 | Good morning, receptionist. |
| 589 | Here's your schedule for the day. |
| 590 | Your first client is in room number one. |
| 591 | "R... Rachel Green." |
| 592 | Son of a bitch! She came back?! |
| 593 | ( scoffs ) |
| 594 | ( Scottish accent ): Are you ready for your Scottish massage? |
| 595 | Put your face in the hole, lassie. |
| 596 | |
| 1 | Ah! Ah, that feels so good! |
| 2 | Oh, lucky me. |
| 3 | Coffee and a live sex show. |
| 4 | Oh, I'm sorry, what? Huh? |
| 5 | Oh, I'm sorry. Nothing. |
| 6 | I was just reading to Emma. |
| 7 | From Cosmo? |
| 8 | Yeah, yeah, it's, uh... |
| 9 | "Climax Your Way to Better Skin." |
| 10 | So, I have to go shopping today, |
| 11 | which is my least favorite thing. |
| 12 | I'm so bad at picking out clothes. |
| 13 | So, you need someone who knows fashion |
| 14 | to, uh, tell you what looks good. |
| 15 | Not me, not me, not me, not me, not me... |
| 16 | Oh, hey, Rach? Yeah? |
| 17 | Maybe you could take Charlie shopping. |
| 18 | Oh, well... |
| 19 | I'm sure you have better things to do. |
| 20 | Are you kidding? |
| 21 | Rachel loves to shop. |
| 22 | And she has great taste. |
| 23 | Yeah, she's the one that taught me |
| 24 | you don't wear white after Labor Day, |
| 25 | and that you always, always, always have to put on underwear |
| 26 | when you're trying on clothes. |
| 27 | If you have the time, |
| 28 | I'd really appreciate the help. |
| 29 | Okay, yeah, let's, let's shop. |
| 30 | Okay, you are going to come back |
| 31 | with some very classy clothes. |
| 32 | ( chuckling ) |
| 33 | And some slutty lingerie-- slutty. |
| 34 | ( chuckling ): Okay, great. |
| 35 | All right, bye. |
| 36 | Pain in the ass. |
| 37 | That's off, right? |
| 38 | What's the matter, Pheebs? |
| 39 | Oh, Mike's sister just invited me to a party tonight, |
| 40 | and he's going to be there. |
| 41 | And she was, like, "Oh, don't worry. |
| 42 | I asked him, and he's totally okay with seeing you." |
| 43 | So, now I have to go so he'll think |
| 44 | that I'm totally okay with seeing him. |
| 45 | Which you're not because you're totally hung up on him. |
| 46 | Exactly. |
| 47 | And you're going to want him |
| 48 | to eat his heart out, |
| 49 | so you're going to have to look fabulous. |
| 50 | I didn't even think about that. |
| 51 | Ah, sexual politics! |
| 52 | Hey, Pheebs, I'm taking Charlie shopping. |
| 53 | Why don't you come, |
| 54 | and I'll help you find something? |
| 55 | Okay, that would be great. |
| 56 | Oh, isn't that nice? |
| 57 | The three of you trying on slutty lingerie together. |
| 58 | That's not what we're going to do. |
| 59 | Why would you ruin it? |
| 60 | Who was I hurting? |
| 61 | ♪ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ♪ |
| 62 | ♪ Your job's a joke, you're broke ♪ |
| 63 | ♪ Your love life's D.O.A. ♪ |
| 64 | ♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪ |
| 65 | ♪ When it hasn't been your day, your week ♪ |
| 66 | ♪ Your month, or even your year ♪ |
| 67 | ♪ But I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 68 | ♪ 'Cause you're there for me, too. ♪ |
| 69 | Wow. |
| 70 | Fortunately, she has a very pretty face. |
| 71 | Oh, I still can't believe this. |
| 72 | My uterus is an inhospitable environment? |
| 73 | I've always tried so hard to be a good hostess. |
| 74 | Well, I can't believe my sperm have low motility, |
| 75 | because let me tell you, while I was growing up, |
| 76 | they sure seemed to be in a hurry to get places. |
| 77 | Hi, there. |
| 78 | Hi. Hi. |
| 79 | I'm sorry there wasn't better news from your tests last week, |
| 80 | but I wanted to talk to you about your options. |
| 81 | Okay. |
| 82 | Well, first of all, |
| 83 | even though your chances of conceiving |
| 84 | through natural means aren't great, you never know, |
| 85 | so keep having sex on a regular basis. |
| 86 | Aw, damn it! |
| 87 | Don't worry, |
| 88 | after a while, you'll tune it out. |
| 89 | Well, given your situation, |
| 90 | the options with the greatest chances for success |
| 91 | would be surrogacy |
| 92 | or insemination using a sperm donor. |
| 93 | Okay. |
| 94 | And of course, |
| 95 | if you feel that neither of those is right for you, |
| 96 | you could always adopt. |
| 97 | Is that a hint? |
| 98 | Because we love you, Dr. Connolly, |
| 99 | but we don't think we want you to be our child. |
| 100 | Wow, talk about an inhospitable environment. |
| 101 | Hi. |
| 102 | Okay, are you ready to go pick up Phoebe and go shopping? |
| 103 | Oh, yeah. Let's do it. |
| 104 | All right, have a good time. |
| 105 | Not going to find any clothes in there. |
| 106 | Hey, you guys. Hi. |
| 107 | Guess who's up for keynote speaker |
| 108 | at the National Paleontology Conference? |
| 109 | Uh... Chris Bailey. |
| 110 | Yeah, right. |
| 111 | When was the last time |
| 112 | he made a submission deadline for an abstract? |
| 113 | ( laughing ) |
| 114 | Why were you laughing? |
| 115 | Just seeing what it would be like |
| 116 | to be a paleontologist. |
| 117 | It's fun. Yeah. |
| 118 | So, you're up for keynote speaker. |
| 119 | Yeah. |
| 120 | Who's making the decision? |
| 121 | Professor Sherman. |
| 122 | I'm meeting with him today. |
| 123 | He's a pretty tough guy to impress. |
| 124 | Yeah, well, I think I know how to dazzle him. |
| 125 | Oh? You're not going to do a magic trick, are you? |
| 126 | ( derisive snort ) |
| 127 | No. |
| 128 | Hey, guys. |
| 129 | Wait a minute, you guys. |
| 130 | I want to ask you something. |
| 131 | I may get to speak at this paleontology convention. |
| 132 | If I do, I'd love for you guys to come and hear me. |
| 133 | I think I can safely say |
| 134 | that we all have family issues, |
| 135 | work stuff, and/or are sick. |
| 136 | It's in Barbados. |
| 137 | But you come first. I'm there. |
| 138 | See you later. |
| 139 | Okay, bye. |
| 140 | Bye. See you. |
| 141 | All right, so, |
| 142 | how did it go at the fertility clinic? |
| 143 | Not as much fun as last time. |
| 144 | Apparently, you only get porn if you're giving a sperm sample. |
| 145 | So, uh, so, what did the doctor say? |
| 146 | Well, there's surrogacy, |
| 147 | but Monica's dreamt her whole life of carrying a child, |
| 148 | and she just felt that watching a surrogate |
| 149 | would be too hard for her. |
| 150 | So, you're ruling out surrogacy? |
| 151 | Yeah. |
| 152 | So I don't have to learn what that means? |
| 153 | Aside from adoption, |
| 154 | the only other choice is insemination, |
| 155 | so we're talking about sperm donors. |
| 156 | Enough said; I'm there for you, man. |
| 157 | Where is she? Upstairs? |
| 158 | Ah... |
| 159 | How do you feel about all this? |
| 160 | Well, I wish there was an easier way for us |
| 161 | to have a child, but I don't think there is one. |
| 162 | Come on, Ross. |
| 163 | Be a good guy. |
| 164 | Step up and do it. |
| 165 | What? |
| 166 | What? No! |
| 167 | I'm not going to give them Ben. |
| 168 | The data we're receiving from MRI scans |
| 169 | and DNA testing of these fossils are staggering. |
| 170 | Mm-hmm. |
| 171 | I mean, we've been accepting |
| 172 | Leakey's dates as a given, |
| 173 | but if they're off by even 100,000 years or so, |
| 174 | then you can, you can just throw |
| 175 | most of our assumptions, you know, |
| 176 | right in the trash. |
| 177 | So... so, what I'm saying, is... is... |
| 178 | is that... |
| 179 | uh... rah... repercussions could... could be huge. |
| 180 | I mean, not just in paleontology, |
| 181 | but if you think about it in-in evolutionary biology, |
| 182 | uh... genetics, uh... geology. |
| 183 | I mean, truly, th-the mind boggles. |
| 184 | ( snoring ) |
| 185 | Well, that's not what you want. |
| 186 | Incentive for Men? |
| 187 | Oh, I'll take some of that. |
| 188 | Pheebs, it's for men. |
| 189 | No, I know, |
| 190 | but this way when I go to the party later, |
| 191 | Mike will know I'm over him |
| 192 | 'cause I'm going to smell like another guy. |
| 193 | Yeah. |
| 194 | Okay. |
| 195 | ( sniffing ) |
| 196 | Oh, good. |
| 197 | I'm dating a Russian cabdriver. |
| 198 | Seriously, does anyone buy this? |
| 199 | I smell like beets. |
| 200 | So, you know what? I really like those jackets |
| 201 | with the shoulder pads in them. |
| 202 | Where do you think those would be? |
| 203 | Um, on Melanie Griffith in Working Girl. |
| 204 | Um, I think what you want is over here. |
| 205 | See? I told you I needed someone. |
| 206 | Oh, you know, by the way |
| 207 | as a thank you, |
| 208 | I would really love to take you out. |
| 209 | Really? Yeah. |
| 210 | Actually, Joey and I are going to a movie tonight. |
| 211 | Want to come? Oh, I can't. |
| 212 | Because I-I... I've seen them. |
| 213 | You've seen... all the movies? |
| 214 | Yeah. I'm a big fan... of the movies. |
| 215 | You know, motion pictures. |
| 216 | The talkies. |
| 217 | Hey, Rach, will you come with me to a dressing room? |
| 218 | Sure. Okay. |
| 219 | Well, um, you know, maybe we can do something else. |
| 220 | Well, you know, that depends on what it is. |
| 221 | I've done a lot of stuff. |
| 222 | So, now what were you doing out there? |
| 223 | Do you not like Charlie? |
| 224 | She's... she's okay. |
| 225 | I just... I don't know. |
| 226 | I just don't get a really good vibe from her. |
| 227 | Why? |
| 228 | I don't know. |
| 229 | You know, just the way she waltzed in here |
| 230 | all smart and... tall, you know |
| 231 | and just swept Joey off his feet. |
| 232 | I mean, nobody else has a chance. |
| 233 | Who else? |
| 234 | Anybody. |
| 235 | You... me... |
| 236 | you know, Monica's mom. |
| 237 | You like Joey?! |
| 238 | Shh... Phoebe. |
| 239 | Oh, all right, I have a little thing for him. |
| 240 | Just a little. |
| 241 | Oh, my God! |
| 242 | It's just physical |
| 243 | and I have it totally under control, okay? |
| 244 | It's just... when I see them together sometimes, |
| 245 | I... I just get a little jealous. |
| 246 | Well, isn't it ironic that he liked you |
| 247 | and now you like... |
| 248 | I get it! |
| 249 | All right, as long as it's under control, you know. |
| 250 | I mean, you can't do anything about it. |
| 251 | He's already dating her and she is a nice person. |
| 252 | That wouldn't be right. |
| 253 | I know, I know. |
| 254 | So, it's just not a big deal. Yeah. |
| 255 | So, can we keep this between us? |
| 256 | Sure, sure. Okay, great, |
| 257 | 'cause I got to get out of here. |
| 258 | The smell of beets is killing me. |
| 259 | Any-any chance Charlie has a deaf twin? |
| 260 | ( groans ) |
| 261 | Hi, honey. Hey. |
| 262 | Look, I brought a friend home for dinner. |
| 263 | This is Zack from work. |
| 264 | Oh, of course. |
| 265 | It's so nice to see you again, Zack. |
| 266 | You, too. |
| 267 | You guys haven't actually met before, |
| 268 | but, boy, are you both polite. |
| 269 | Why don't you have a seat, Zack. |
| 270 | I'll get you a beer. |
| 271 | I got it. Thanks. |
| 272 | So, Zack's pretty nice, huh? |
| 273 | Yeah, I guess. |
| 274 | So, how would you like to have a baby |
| 275 | that's half yours and half his? |
| 276 | Excuse me? |
| 277 | Well, we're talking about sperm donors |
| 278 | and Zack may be the guy. |
| 279 | I mean, look, |
| 280 | he's intelligent, he's healthy, |
| 281 | he's athletic... |
| 282 | I mean, he's sperm-tastic. |
| 283 | What...? Chandler, this is crazy. |
| 284 | What did you even say to him? |
| 285 | "Come up. Meet my wife. |
| 286 | Give us your sperm." |
| 287 | You know, I invited him to dinner |
| 288 | so you could get a chance to get to know him, you know. |
| 289 | I mean, if we go through a sperm bank, you never meet the guy, |
| 290 | get to check him out. |
| 291 | Chandler... |
| 292 | I'm telling you, he's great. |
| 293 | I mean, even if my sperm worked fine, |
| 294 | I think he'd be the way to go. |
| 295 | Look, I'm not going to be a part of this. |
| 296 | You can't just bring some random guy home |
| 297 | and expect him to be our sperm donor. |
| 298 | ( mockingly ): O-kay. |
| 299 | Zack. |
| 300 | Thanks. |
| 301 | Do you... do you have a coaster? |
| 302 | I don't want to make a ring. |
| 303 | Tell me about yourself, Zack. |
| 304 | Oh, God, do you think she heard? |
| 305 | Oh, it'd be so bad if she heard. |
| 306 | Well maybe she didn't hear. |
| 307 | I'm going to go into that dressing room, |
| 308 | you stay in here and I'll talk. |
| 309 | See if you can hear me. |
| 310 | Okay, great. |
| 311 | Oh, thank God, |
| 312 | I can't hear a word that you're saying. |
| 313 | I didn't say anything yet. |
| 314 | Well, get back in there and talk. |
| 315 | I'm Rachel. |
| 316 | It's so annoying when I put Emma on the phone |
| 317 | to talk with my friends. |
| 318 | What?! |
| 319 | Well, some things are just hard to say to your face. |
| 320 | Okay, well, I heard that, |
| 321 | which means that she heard it, too. |
| 322 | We have a problem. |
| 323 | Oh, what are we going to do? |
| 324 | Just be honest with her. |
| 325 | Oh, my God. |
| 326 | And it is annoying when parents put their babies on the phone. |
| 327 | All right, enough out of you! |
| 328 | ( phone ringing ) |
| 329 | Hello? |
| 330 | ( whispering ): Joey, hey. |
| 331 | I need to talk to Charlie. |
| 332 | Is she there? |
| 333 | No. She went shopping with Rachel. |
| 334 | Why? What's up? |
| 335 | Well, I'm meeting with Professor Sherman |
| 336 | about my being the keynote speaker... |
| 337 | Oh. How's it going? |
| 338 | It could be better. |
| 339 | He, um, he fell asleep. |
| 340 | What?! |
| 341 | But I already bought my ticket to Bermuda. |
| 342 | Barbados. |
| 343 | Fine, I'll rent a car and drive. |
| 344 | Look, Ross, you have to get that job. |
| 345 | What am I supposed to do? |
| 346 | He's out cold. |
| 347 | In fact, he was just talking in his sleep before |
| 348 | and evidently, he wants someone named Fran to spank him harder. |
| 349 | Well, just wake him up. |
| 350 | I can't. |
| 351 | If he realizes that I'm the one who put him to sleep |
| 352 | I won't get the job. |
| 353 | Ooh, that's a tough one. |
| 354 | Oh, wait a minute. |
| 355 | This happened to me before. |
| 356 | Yeah, I was auditioning for a play |
| 357 | and the producer fell asleep. |
| 358 | No... wait a minute. |
| 359 | It was me who fell asleep. |
| 360 | Yeah, I mean, |
| 361 | hey, Shakespeare, how 'bout a chase scene once in a while? |
| 362 | Hey, guys, dinner's ready. |
| 363 | I'm going to go wash up first. |
| 364 | Thanks. |
| 365 | So, what do you think? |
| 366 | I want this guy's genes for my kid. |
| 367 | Those eyes, those cheekbones. |
| 368 | Okay, there's enthusiastic and there's just plain gay. |
| 369 | You don't like him. |
| 370 | I think he's fine, |
| 371 | it's just that we don't know anything real about him. |
| 372 | I wish we could get more information. |
| 373 | All right, just follow my lead. |
| 374 | You guys have such a great place here. |
| 375 | Oh, thanks, I'm crazy about our place. |
| 376 | Hey, speaking of crazy, |
| 377 | do you have a history of mental illness in the family? |
| 378 | Um, no. |
| 379 | Although I did have an uncle who voted for Dukakis. |
| 380 | That's really not the kind of thing we're looking for, Zack. |
| 381 | Okay. |
| 382 | So, um, so tell me, how'd you guys meet? |
| 383 | Oh, friends first, drunk in London, you know the story. |
| 384 | I've got a better question for you. |
| 385 | Do you or any of your blood relatives have diabetes? |
| 386 | No. |
| 387 | Uh, heart disease, Alzheimer's, gout? |
| 388 | You guys don't have people over for dinner a lot, huh? |
| 389 | Oh, we're just making conversation. |
| 390 | Oh, okay. |
| 391 | Oh, I heard a joke today, it's pretty funny. |
| 392 | You know what's not funny-- male pattern baldness. |
| 393 | All right, listen. |
| 394 | You guys have shown |
| 395 | a lot of interest in me tonight and I'm flattered, |
| 396 | and quite frankly, a little frightened. |
| 397 | Can we just talk about something else? |
| 398 | Sure. All right. |
| 399 | This ravioli's delicious. |
| 400 | I notice you're enjoying that ravioli |
| 401 | with a beautiful set of teeth. |
| 402 | Did you have braces as a child? |
| 403 | No, I didn't. |
| 404 | Yes! |
| 405 | We're teeth people, Zack. |
| 406 | All right, let's just do it. |
| 407 | Let's just go over there and just see if she heard. |
| 408 | Good plan. Okay. |
| 409 | What? Where... where are you going? |
| 410 | Oh, I'm sorry, Rachel. |
| 411 | I don't have time for your childish games, okay? |
| 412 | I still have to go find something |
| 413 | incredible to wear so I can beat Mike at who's more over who. |
| 414 | Hey, hi, hey, where have you been? |
| 415 | Oh, trying on clothes. |
| 416 | Oh, re... in the dr... in the dressing room? |
| 417 | Well, that's so weird. |
| 418 | Phoebe and I were just trying on clothes in the dressing room. |
| 419 | Gosh, it's such a small world. |
| 420 | Rachel, I heard you two guys whispering. |
| 421 | Oh, God, you did, you heard. |
| 422 | Okay, let me explain. |
| 423 | No, there's nothing to explain, I heard you. |
| 424 | Phoebe likes Joey. |
| 425 | Yeah. |
| 426 | I just, I don't understand it. |
| 427 | I mean, Phoebe likes Joey |
| 428 | and then she comes here to buy a dress to impress another guy? |
| 429 | Yeah, that's Phoebe, that's Phoebe. |
| 430 | You know, she just wants them all. |
| 431 | It's like... she's nympho. |
| 432 | Wow. Yeah. |
| 433 | You know, by the way, |
| 434 | I heard you tell her not to do anything. |
| 435 | Thanks for sticking up for me. |
| 436 | You are such a nice person. |
| 437 | I try. |
| 438 | ( snoring ) |
| 439 | ( loud creaking ) |
| 440 | Ooh! |
| 441 | Oh, my God. |
| 442 | You really want me to be the keynote speaker? |
| 443 | Thank you. |
| 444 | You're welcome. |
| 445 | Wow. |
| 446 | You look... stop eating hot. |
| 447 | Which is, like, the highest level of hotness. |
| 448 | Okay. Are you sure? |
| 449 | 'Cause I am really dreading going to this party. |
| 450 | Then don't go. |
| 451 | Mike knows I'm coming. |
| 452 | If I don't show up, he'll think it's 'cause of him. |
| 453 | And then I'm going to lose face. |
| 454 | That's a very serious thing in my culture. |
| 455 | All right. |
| 456 | Then you go to that party and you pretend to be over Mike. |
| 457 | And afterward, you come to my place |
| 458 | and I'll get you good and drunk. |
| 459 | You got it. Okay. |
| 460 | But not on the wine that you made, okay? |
| 461 | 'Cause I just don't want to go want to the emergency room. |
| 462 | Okay. |
| 463 | David? |
| 464 | Phoebe. Hi. |
| 465 | Oh, my God. |
| 466 | Wow. |
| 467 | You look unbelievable. |
| 468 | Oh, yeah, well... |
| 469 | Wha... what are you doing here? |
| 470 | Well, I'm back from Minsk. Permanently. |
| 471 | What happened? |
| 472 | Well, remember how I was trying to achieve |
| 473 | the positronic distillation of subatomic particles? |
| 474 | Yeah. |
| 475 | Well, after eight years of research, |
| 476 | I discovered that... it can't be done. |
| 477 | Well, it's great that you're back. |
| 478 | How are you? |
| 479 | Good, good. Life is good. |
| 480 | Good. |
| 481 | Um, well, I'm... I'm seeing someone. |
| 482 | Oh, good for you. |
| 483 | Yeah. She's also a scientist. |
| 484 | So she's very smart and pretty, and... |
| 485 | Well, it's actually because of you, really, |
| 486 | that we're together. |
| 487 | I saw what you had with that Mike guy, |
| 488 | and I just said, boy, I want that. |
| 489 | Mike and I broke up. |
| 490 | You're kidding me. |
| 491 | Because I'm not seeing anybody. |
| 492 | I just totally made that up. |
| 493 | Really? |
| 494 | Yeah. |
| 495 | I don't know why. |
| 496 | I'm sorry. I guess I just didn't want to lose face. |
| 497 | I understand. |
| 498 | Yeah. |
| 499 | Okay, so then, okay... |
| 500 | So we're both living in New York... |
| 501 | not seeing anyone. |
| 502 | That's so not like us. |
| 503 | I know. |
| 504 | Well... well, this is probably a stupid question, |
| 505 | seeing that you look like that, |
| 506 | but, um, do you have someplace that you need to be right now? |
| 507 | Well... no. |
| 508 | Do you want to get a drink? |
| 509 | I'd love to. |
| 510 | Great. |
| 511 | Okay. |
| 512 | Do you smell beets? |
| 513 | Oh, all right, stay upwind of me. |
| 514 | Yeah, okay. |
| 515 | Hey, there's Phoebe. |
| 516 | Is that Mike she's with? |
| 517 | No, that's David. |
| 518 | There's a third guy? |
| 519 | Tip of the iceberg. |
| 520 | Oh... |
| 521 | I'm going to take off now. |
| 522 | You're going to let me go home, aren't you? |
| 523 | You sure you don't want to stick around a little longer? |
| 524 | No, no, I should get home. |
| 525 | I'm kind of tired. |
| 526 | Are you just tired now, |
| 527 | or are you always tired? |
| 528 | 'Cause that could be a sign of clinical depression. |
| 529 | No, it's just tiring having to figure out the age |
| 530 | at which all my grandparents died. |
| 531 | I'll see you tomorrow. |
| 532 | Okay. |
| 533 | Bye. |
| 534 | I think we found our sperm. |
| 535 | He does seem pretty perfect. |
| 536 | Yeah? You think so? |
| 537 | Well, should I ask him? |
| 538 | No. |
| 539 | Why not? |
| 540 | Just because his great-grandmother was obese? |
| 541 | Our kid's going to get that from you anyway. |
| 542 | No, that's not it. |
| 543 | It's just that when we were asking him |
| 544 | all those questions before, I just... |
| 545 | I just realized I don't care |
| 546 | if he is the most perfect guy in the world. |
| 547 | He's not you. |
| 548 | Yeah! He's better! |
| 549 | No, he's not. |
| 550 | And if I can't get pregnant with you, |
| 551 | then I don't want to get pregnant by him |
| 552 | or anyone else. |
| 553 | Really? |
| 554 | Are you sure? |
| 555 | Yeah, I'm sure. |
| 556 | Thank God. |
| 557 | Because I don't want to do this either. |
| 558 | I was just doing it because I thought |
| 559 | that was what you wanted to do. |
| 560 | I'm the husband-- I'm supposed to bring the sperm. |
| 561 | That is so sweet. |
| 562 | I love you. |
| 563 | So, you know, this leaves us with... |
| 564 | Adoption. |
| 565 | How do you feel about that? |
| 566 | I think I feel okay about it. |
| 567 | Actually I think I feel really good about it. |
| 568 | Me, too. |
| 569 | I want to find a baby that needs a home, |
| 570 | and I want to raise it with you. |
| 571 | And I want to mess it up in our own specific way. |
| 572 | So this... this is it? |
| 573 | We're really going to adopt? |
| 574 | Yeah. |
| 575 | Oh, my God, we're going to be parents! |
| 576 | We are going to be great parents. |
| 577 | And it could be soon. |
| 578 | I mean, think about it. |
| 579 | Right now, somewhere out there, |
| 580 | our baby could be being conceived. |
| 581 | Wait. If we're lucky |
| 582 | and we're really, really, really quiet, |
| 583 | we may be able to hear the sound of a condom breaking. |
| 584 | Hey, Zack. |
| 585 | Hey, Chandler. |
| 586 | Look, I just wanted to apologize for last night. |
| 587 | I got the feeling we made you a little uncomfortable. |
| 588 | No, you didn't. |
| 589 | Really? |
| 590 | No, you did. |
| 591 | Yeah, well, my wife and I have some boundary issues, you know. |
| 592 | Sometimes we ask inappropriate questions. |
| 593 | We're working on it. |
| 594 | Here are the boards for Friday's pitch. |
| 595 | Oh, thank you. |
| 596 | You wouldn't know if Jeanette's planning |
| 597 | on keeping her baby, would you? |
| 598 | Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org |
| 599 | |
| 1 | Hey, I'm all packed and ready to go. |
| 2 | That's right. |
| 3 | Daddy and Uncle Joey are going on a trip today. |
| 4 | We're going to a conference in Barbados. |
| 5 | Right? Uh-huh. |
| 6 | Can you say Barbados? |
| 7 | Barbados. |
| 8 | I got to say, it means so much to me |
| 9 | that you guys are coming all the way over there |
| 10 | to hear me give my speech. |
| 11 | Ooh, and I have a surprise. |
| 12 | I had to pull some strings, but I was able to get everyone |
| 13 | passes to the entire conference. |
| 14 | That's right! |
| 15 | These babies will get you into all |
| 16 | the paleontology lectures and seminars. |
| 17 | Do you have anything that will get us out of them? |
| 18 | CHANDLER: Yeah, Ross, I mean, |
| 19 | we're excited to hear the speech, |
| 20 | but the rest of the time, we're going to want |
| 21 | to do, you know, island stuff. |
| 22 | I think David will probably want to hear a few lectures. |
| 23 | Oh, right, because he's a scientist. |
| 24 | No, no, well, because, you know, |
| 25 | he's been in Minsk for eight years, |
| 26 | and if he gets too much direct sunlight, he'll die. |
| 27 | Okay, we better go. |
| 28 | So we'll see you guys tomorrow. |
| 29 | All right, let's do it. |
| 30 | Five-hour flight with Charlie, |
| 31 | have a couple drinks, get under that blanket |
| 32 | and do what comes natural. |
| 33 | It's a blanket, Joe, not a cloak of invisibility. |
| 34 | ♪ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ♪ |
| 35 | ♪ Your job's a joke, you're broke ♪ |
| 36 | ♪ Your love life's D.O.A. ♪ |
| 37 | ♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪ |
| 38 | ♪ When it hasn't been your day, your week ♪ |
| 39 | ♪ Your month, or even your year ♪ |
| 40 | ♪ But I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 41 | ♪ When the rain starts to pour ♪ |
| 42 | ♪ I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 43 | ♪ Like I've been there before ♪ |
| 44 | ♪ I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 45 | ♪ 'Cause you're there for me, too. ♪ |
| 46 | Wow. This place is beautiful. |
| 47 | Look at all these paleontologists! |
| 48 | I know. There are going to be some pasty folks |
| 49 | by the pool tomorrow. |
| 50 | Oh, my God, I can't believe you're here. |
| 51 | I think I've been recognized. |
| 52 | This happens all the time. |
| 53 | Dr. Geller, I am such a huge fan. |
| 54 | That never happens. |
| 55 | I've been following your career for years. |
| 56 | I can't wait for your keynote speech. |
| 57 | Wow. This is very flattering. |
| 58 | I would love your autograph. |
| 59 | Uh... sure. |
| 60 | Um... Dear... |
| 61 | Sarah. |
| 62 | Sarah... |
| 63 | I... dig you. |
| 64 | Dr. Ross Geller. |
| 65 | Oh, thank you so much. |
| 66 | Sure. Oh, and, Sarah, |
| 67 | like to introduce you |
| 68 | to my colleague, Professor Wheeler. |
| 69 | And this is Joey Tribbiani. |
| 70 | Are you a paleontologist? |
| 71 | Oh, God, no, no. |
| 72 | No, no, I'm an actor. |
| 73 | You probably recognize me |
| 74 | from a little show called The Days of Our Lives. |
| 75 | Dude, it's just Days of Our Lives. |
| 76 | There's no "the." |
| 77 | ( chuckling ): Okay, Ross. Boy, this guy... yeah. |
| 78 | No, I play Dr. Drake Ramoray. |
| 79 | I'm sorry, I don't own a TV. |
| 80 | You don't own a TV? |
| 81 | What's all your furniture pointed at? |
| 82 | David, can you help me? |
| 83 | I'm trying to explain to Chandler |
| 84 | how a plane stays in the air. |
| 85 | Oh, certainly. |
| 86 | that's a combination of Bernoulli's Principle |
| 87 | and Newton's Third Law of Motion. |
| 88 | See? |
| 89 | Yeah, that's the same as |
| 90 | "it has something to do with wind." |
| 91 | All right, I'm going to go |
| 92 | pick up a few things for the trip. |
| 93 | Oh, I should go, too. |
| 94 | Tomorrow-- do you guys want to share a cab to the airport, |
| 95 | or should Mike and I just meet you there? |
| 96 | ( laughing ): Mike? Who's Mike? |
| 97 | Mike's your-your ex, uh, boyfriend. |
| 98 | That's right! Oh, yeah. |
| 99 | Wow. I had totally forgotten about him. |
| 100 | That's a... that's a blast from the past. |
| 101 | It's okay. |
| 102 | Honest mistake. |
| 103 | It really doesn't mean anything. |
| 104 | I mean, you know... |
| 105 | Monica refers to Chandler as Richard all the time. |
| 106 | She does? |
| 107 | Let's get you out of here. |
| 108 | Well, at least you took me down with you. |
| 109 | I'm so sorry. |
| 110 | I just... I keep thinking about Mike. |
| 111 | I'm crazy about David, |
| 112 | and we're having so much fun together. |
| 113 | Why-why do I miss Mike? |
| 114 | That's just... that's-that's going to go away, right? |
| 115 | I guess, in time. Yeah. |
| 116 | I mean, my feelings for Richard are certainly gone. |
| 117 | You just did it again. |
| 118 | Chandler-- your feelings for Chandler are certainly gone. |
| 119 | Boy, Phoebe's still pretty hung up |
| 120 | on that Mike, huh? |
| 121 | I wouldn't read too much into it. |
| 122 | Still, you know, |
| 123 | a girl calls you by her ex-boyfriend's name, |
| 124 | that's not a good thing, right? |
| 125 | David, let me stop you there, |
| 126 | 'cause I think I see where this is going. |
| 127 | I'm not very good at giving advice. |
| 128 | See, if you want advice, go to Ross, Monica |
| 129 | or Joey if the thing you want advice about |
| 130 | is pizza toppings |
| 131 | or a burning sensation when you pee. |
| 132 | Sorry, I just... wish there was something I could do, you know? |
| 133 | Well-well, you know Phoebe... |
| 134 | Seriously, we're going to do this? |
| 135 | I'm sorry. |
| 136 | I just wish I could make her forget |
| 137 | about Mike already, you know? |
| 138 | Why did Phoebe and Mike break up? |
| 139 | Because his penis was too big. |
| 140 | ( chuckles ) |
| 141 | I'm sorry. That's the kind of thing I do. |
| 142 | They broke up because Mike didn't want to get married. |
| 143 | Hey, what if you just let Phoebe know |
| 144 | you'd be open to marriage? |
| 145 | That's great. |
| 146 | That's... that's great. |
| 147 | I'll propose to her. |
| 148 | What? |
| 149 | Well, I was probably going to do it at some point. |
| 150 | I didn't mean now. |
| 151 | Well, why not? It's brilliant. |
| 152 | Good-bye, Mike. |
| 153 | We'll see you at the wedding, fella. |
| 154 | Well, we probably won't invite you to the wedding, but... |
| 155 | Thank you, Chandler. Sincerely, thank you. |
| 156 | Well, you're welcome. |
| 157 | Glad I could help. |
| 158 | How do you think I should propose? |
| 159 | David, I'm pretending to read here. |
| 160 | I'm sorry. |
| 161 | Yeah. How you doing? Uh-huh. |
| 162 | Hey, hey. |
| 163 | You said you were going to wear a thong. |
| 164 | Where's the thong? |
| 165 | I didn't mean a thong. |
| 166 | I meant thongs. |
| 167 | You really should have been more clear about that. |
| 168 | ( knocking ) |
| 169 | Hey. Hey. |
| 170 | You're never going to guess who I just saw downstairs. |
| 171 | Oh, uh, Britney Spears. |
| 172 | Yeah, she never misses these conferences. |
| 173 | No, I just saw Dr. Kenneth Schwartz! |
| 174 | Oh, my God! |
| 175 | I know. |
| 176 | Did you talk to him? |
| 177 | Yeah. What am I going to say to Kenneth Schwartz? |
| 178 | You could say, "Hey, Kenny, |
| 179 | how come you're not Britney Spears?" |
| 180 | You ready to go? |
| 181 | You-you going to go now? |
| 182 | I thought we could hang out. |
| 183 | Oh, I can't. I have seminars all day, |
| 184 | and I promised Ross I'd look at his speech. |
| 185 | But maybe we could have dinner later. |
| 186 | Out on the balcony? |
| 187 | It would be romantic. |
| 188 | Will you wear a thong? |
| 189 | I will if you will. |
| 190 | You got yourself a very weird deal. |
| 191 | I'm good. I have dinner plans, so... |
| 192 | So, you going to be okay? |
| 193 | Yeah, yeah. |
| 194 | I got tons of stuff I could do. |
| 195 | I'm going to hit the beach, go swimming... |
| 196 | Joe, have you looked outside? |
| 197 | No. Why? |
| 198 | Oh, man! |
| 199 | There's an indoor pool. |
| 200 | You could swim there. Yeah. |
| 201 | I wasn't going to swim. |
| 202 | I was going to dig a hole. |
| 203 | Wow, that "Mike" thing was interesting. |
| 204 | I don't know what's going to happen with Phoebe and David. |
| 205 | I do. |
| 206 | Want a hint, huh? |
| 207 | I do. |
| 208 | I do. |
| 209 | Okay, I'm sensing this is some kind of wordplay, |
| 210 | because you are pink with barely controlled glee. |
| 211 | David's going to propose to Phoebe. |
| 212 | What?! |
| 213 | Why?! |
| 214 | Because we were talking about ways |
| 215 | that he could beat Mike, |
| 216 | and I told him that Phoebe wanted to get married. |
| 217 | Chandler, we have talked about this. |
| 218 | You are not supposed to give people advice. |
| 219 | Now, couldn't you have made |
| 220 | some sort of inappropriate joke? |
| 221 | I did! |
| 222 | A penis one. |
| 223 | Just so I know, what was so wrong about what I said? |
| 224 | They've only been going out for a few weeks. |
| 225 | Phoebe is completely hung up on Mike. |
| 226 | She'll say no, David's heart will be broken, |
| 227 | it'll be too hard for them to recover from, |
| 228 | and then Phoebe will end up alone again. |
| 229 | Man, that's some bad advice. |
| 230 | Oh, hey. |
| 231 | Thank God you guys are here. |
| 232 | What-what's going on? |
| 233 | Everything is upside down here. |
| 234 | It rains all day long, nobody watches TV, |
| 235 | and Ross is famous. |
| 236 | All right, I don't want to alarm anybody, |
| 237 | but Monica's hair is twice as big as it was when we landed. |
| 238 | Okay, when I go places with high humidity, |
| 239 | it gets a little extra body, okay? |
| 240 | That's why our honeymoon photos look like me and Diana Ross. |
| 241 | Come on, I'll show you guys where to check in. |
| 242 | Oh, honey... make sure we get a king-size bed. |
| 243 | Oh, David, get one for us, too. |
| 244 | Oh, and see if they have a heart-shaped one. |
| 245 | And with mirrors on the ceiling. |
| 246 | And make sure our room isn't next to theirs. |
| 247 | Oh, you guys are so lucky you're here with people. |
| 248 | You know, it's just such a romantic place. |
| 249 | That's all-- I just wish I could... |
| 250 | share it with a guy. |
| 251 | Not Joey. |
| 252 | Not Joey, no. |
| 253 | I was... I was just lusting after Chandler. |
| 254 | Yeah, right. |
| 255 | So, um... |
| 256 | I'm proposing to Phoebe tonight. |
| 257 | Tonight? |
| 258 | Isn't an engagement ring supposed to have a diamond? |
| 259 | Oh, there it is. |
| 260 | Yes, well, being a failed scientist |
| 261 | doesn't pay quite as well as you might think. |
| 262 | That's um, that's 1/70 of a karat. |
| 263 | And the clarity is... |
| 264 | is quite poor. |
| 265 | Nice. |
| 266 | Monica, can I talk to you for a second? |
| 267 | Okay. |
| 268 | David's going to propose to Phoebe tonight. |
| 269 | See what happens when you give people advice? |
| 270 | I hope you told him not to. |
| 271 | That would be advice! |
| 272 | Okay, fine. I'll handle this. |
| 273 | Phoebe. |
| 274 | Yes? |
| 275 | I need to talk to you. |
| 276 | Are you leaving the Supremes? |
| 277 | Okay, my husband |
| 278 | just gave your boyfriend some very bad advice. |
| 279 | David's going to propose to you tonight. |
| 280 | Wow. Really? |
| 281 | That's fantastic. |
| 282 | What? Are you serious? |
| 283 | You want to marry him? |
| 284 | What about Mike? |
| 285 | Oh, okay, you want me to marry Mike? |
| 286 | All right, well, let's just gag him and handcuff him |
| 287 | and force him down the aisle, okay? |
| 288 | I mean, I can just see it. |
| 289 | "Mike, do you take Phoebe?" |
| 290 | ( muffled protest ) |
| 291 | You know, it's every girl's dream. |
| 292 | Do you really think that marrying someone else |
| 293 | is the right answer? |
| 294 | Sure. |
| 295 | Look, okay, bottom line-- I love Mike... David! |
| 296 | Uh... David. |
| 297 | I love David. |
| 298 | Don't look at me that way, Roseanne Roseannadanna. |
| 299 | "By using CT scans and computer imaging, |
| 300 | "we can, in a very real way, bring the Mesozoic Era |
| 301 | into the 21st century." |
| 302 | It's great. |
| 303 | You're going to be the hit of the conference. |
| 304 | Oh, and you know what? It'll be even better tomorrow |
| 305 | because I won't be constantly interrupted by Joey |
| 306 | checking to see if they put chocolates on my pillow yet. |
| 307 | ( knocking ) |
| 308 | Hey, guys. |
| 309 | The chocolates aren't here yet. |
| 310 | Damn it! |
| 311 | Ross just read me his speech. |
| 312 | It's fantastic. |
| 313 | Oh, is it on the computer? |
| 314 | 'Cause I'd love to give it a read. |
| 315 | If you want to check your e-mail, just ask. |
| 316 | What? May I? |
| 317 | What's with the rain, Geller? |
| 318 | I mean, when I signed up for dino week, |
| 319 | nobody said anything about it being monsoon season. |
| 320 | Actually, the wet season is June to December. |
| 321 | It's not the time, Charlie. |
| 322 | No, no! Dear God, no! |
| 323 | Oh, what, did someone outbid you for the teapot? |
| 324 | Secret teapot? |
| 325 | Your computer, I don't know wha... |
| 326 | Everything's gone. |
| 327 | What do you mean? |
| 328 | It must be a virus. |
| 329 | I think it erased your hard drive. |
| 330 | What? |
| 331 | Oh, my God. What did you do? |
| 332 | Someone I don't know sent me an e-mail, and I opened it. |
| 333 | Why? Why would you open it? |
| 334 | Well, it didn't say "This is a virus." |
| 335 | What did it say? |
| 336 | "Nude... |
| 337 | pictures of Anna Kournikova." |
| 338 | I'm so sorry. |
| 339 | What am I going to do? |
| 340 | My speech is gone, Chandler. |
| 341 | It's not gone. |
| 342 | I mean, I'm sure you printed out a copy. |
| 343 | You have a hard copy, right? |
| 344 | No, I don't! |
| 345 | Well, you must be pretty mad |
| 346 | at yourself right now. |
| 347 | It's really gone? |
| 348 | Yep. |
| 349 | I'd like to thank you guys for coming down here |
| 350 | to complain about the rain and ruin my career. |
| 351 | I just feel awful. |
| 352 | Yeah, you should. |
| 353 | Nude pictures of Anna Kournikova? |
| 354 | She's never even won a major tournament. |
| 355 | Well, I tried Billie Jean King, but... |
| 356 | You know, you and Monica have |
| 357 | the same "I'm going to kill you" look. |
| 358 | I can usually make it go away by kissing her. |
| 359 | Get out. |
| 360 | You know, this happens all the time |
| 361 | to my computer at work. |
| 362 | Well, what do you do? |
| 363 | Well, I usually go play Tetris |
| 364 | on somebody else's computer. |
| 365 | I can't believe this. |
| 366 | I can't believe this is happening. |
| 367 | I have to give the keynote speech tomorrow, okay? |
| 368 | I have to stand up in front of all these people. |
| 369 | What am I going to say? |
| 370 | I could teach you a speech |
| 371 | that I memorized for auditions. |
| 372 | I don't think your monologue from Star Wars |
| 373 | is going to help me right now, Joe. |
| 374 | Ross, Ross, we can solve this. |
| 375 | I just heard your speech. |
| 376 | We can recreate it. |
| 377 | We've got all night. |
| 378 | You really think we can do that? |
| 379 | Oh, wait. |
| 380 | Joey and I are supposed to have dinner. |
| 381 | Hey, don't worry about that. |
| 382 | I mean, Ross needs you, you know? |
| 383 | And Rachel and I will stay and help any way we can. |
| 384 | ( groans ) |
| 385 | All right. |
| 386 | Okay, let's do it. |
| 387 | Um, I know we start |
| 388 | by discussing the shortcomings of carbon dating. |
| 389 | And then, then I move on to what is clearly |
| 390 | the defining moment of the Mesozoic Era-- |
| 391 | the breakup of Pangaea-- hello. |
| 392 | And then there's the overview of the Triassic. |
| 393 | Ooh, ooh, any chance any of this happened |
| 394 | in a galaxy far, far away? |
| 395 | ( sputtering ) |
| 396 | ( phone rings ) |
| 397 | Hello? |
| 398 | Okay, Mike, |
| 399 | enough is enough. |
| 400 | Now, you love Phoebe and she loves you, |
| 401 | so you need to get over your whole |
| 402 | "I never want to get married" thing and step up! |
| 403 | Who is this? |
| 404 | This is Monica. I'm Phoebe's friend. |
| 405 | Listen, Phoebe is back with David, |
| 406 | and he's going to propose to her, |
| 407 | and she's going to say yes, |
| 408 | but I know she really wants to be with you. |
| 409 | He's, he's going to propose? |
| 410 | I'm sorry. Did you say something? |
| 411 | I can't hear through all this damned hair! |
| 412 | Look, if Phoebe wants to marry David, she should. |
| 413 | I'm not going to stand in the way of that. |
| 414 | Neither should you. |
| 415 | You don't tell me what to do. |
| 416 | I tell you what to do. |
| 417 | Just call her. |
| 418 | She's at the Paradise Hotel in Barbados. |
| 419 | And while I've got you, you've got curly hair. |
| 420 | What do you do in the humidity? |
| 421 | Damn it! |
| 422 | Well, I hope you're happy. |
| 423 | Aw, I hope you're happy too, honey. |
| 424 | Phoebe's going to say yes to David. |
| 425 | See? That's what happens when you meddle in people's lives. |
| 426 | Phoebe's going to say yes? That's great. |
| 427 | No, it's not! Because she's still in love with Mike! |
| 428 | And there's no chance that will work? |
| 429 | No, I called him. |
| 430 | It's not going to happen. |
| 431 | ( gasps ): Meddler! Meddler! |
| 432 | Well, if you hadn't meddled to start with, |
| 433 | then I wouldn't have had to go in there |
| 434 | and meddle myself! |
| 435 | Now no matter how much we meddle, |
| 436 | we'll never be able to unmeddle the thing |
| 437 | that you meddled up in the first place! |
| 438 | This vacation sucks! |
| 439 | I'm so bored. |
| 440 | Mm. |
| 441 | Stupid rain. |
| 442 | We can't do anything. |
| 443 | Well, I brought some books. |
| 444 | We could read. |
| 445 | Hey, it hasn't come to that yet, okay? |
| 446 | Hey, hey, hey, don't mind if I do. |
| 447 | I'm sorry, sir. |
| 448 | These are for the pharmaceutical convention. |
| 449 | Hey, Rach, you feel like going to a convention? |
| 450 | We can't. We're not pharmacists. |
| 451 | I know we're not, but, uh... |
| 452 | Frank Madeo and... |
| 453 | Ava Churara... wumba... wum... |
| 454 | "Kate Miller." |
| 455 | Kate Miller it is. |
| 456 | Okay. |
| 457 | And that's the most sex |
| 458 | I'm going to have this weekend. |
| 459 | Well, in that case, |
| 460 | should I make sure it's on real good? |
| 461 | Thank you. You're welcome. |
| 462 | Uh, and then, and then you said that thing |
| 463 | about, about bringing the Mesozoic Era |
| 464 | into the 21st century. |
| 465 | Well, yeah. That's it? |
| 466 | Yeah. |
| 467 | Oh, my God! We did it! |
| 468 | Actually, I did it, Ross. |
| 469 | You remembered shockingly little of your own speech. |
| 470 | Yes, but I did make a pyramid |
| 471 | out of the bath products. |
| 472 | This is, this is amazing. |
| 473 | Thank you. Thank you so much. |
| 474 | That, that's a pretty necklace. |
| 475 | Thank you. |
| 476 | Hey, what do you say we celebrate? |
| 477 | Champagne? |
| 478 | Oh, yeah! Hey, save the cork, |
| 479 | and that way, we can fill the bottle with water |
| 480 | and put it back so they don't charge you. |
| 481 | Oh, my God, I love you. |
| 482 | Oh, this is such a cute picture of Emma. |
| 483 | And is this your son |
| 484 | or just some kid whose picture you bring on vacation? |
| 485 | Yeah, that's Ben, my son from my first marriage. |
| 486 | Your first marriage? Yeah. |
| 487 | You've been married more than once? |
| 488 | No, no. |
| 489 | So, why'd you break up? |
| 490 | Oh, it was... |
| 491 | Oh, it was... |
| 492 | complicated, you know? |
| 493 | She, uh, she was... |
| 494 | gay. |
| 495 | Oh, my God! |
| 496 | This is so cool! |
| 497 | Okay, odd thing to get excited about. |
| 498 | No, it's just that I was engaged to a guy |
| 499 | who turned out to be gay. |
| 500 | Hey! High five! |
| 501 | Didn't you feel so stupid |
| 502 | that you didn't see the signs? |
| 503 | My fiance was always going away on these long weekends |
| 504 | with his tennis partner. |
| 505 | My wife had a workout friend |
| 506 | she went to the gym with |
| 507 | every day for a year. |
| 508 | She didn't get any fitter. |
| 509 | Right, and everybody finds out, |
| 510 | and they're, like, "Oh, I knew all along." |
| 511 | I know. If you knew, |
| 512 | why didn't you tell me, you know? |
| 513 | I mean, call, leave a note. |
| 514 | "Hi, just dropped by to say your wife's gay." |
| 515 | I know! |
| 516 | And then you try to make the best of a bad situation |
| 517 | so you float the idea of a threesome. |
| 518 | I didn't do that. |
| 519 | Me, neither. |
| 520 | Well, who knew? Pharmacists are fun. |
| 521 | I know. |
| 522 | That old lady at the end |
| 523 | was ready to take you home. |
| 524 | Not enough pills in the world, Rach. |
| 525 | But what about you, huh? |
| 526 | You're the single one. |
| 527 | See anybody in there you like? |
| 528 | Well, let's see. |
| 529 | There was that really big guy |
| 530 | that I was talking to |
| 531 | with the really nice breasts. |
| 532 | But what about back home? |
| 533 | Anything going on there? |
| 534 | Anybody you like? |
| 535 | No. |
| 536 | No. |
| 537 | There is. |
| 538 | You're blushing. |
| 539 | No, I'm not blushing. |
| 540 | I'm sunburned. |
| 541 | From, you know, the rain. |
| 542 | You like someone. |
| 543 | Tell me who it is. Who is it? |
| 544 | No. Joey! |
| 545 | Come on, who? Who do you like? Tell me. |
| 546 | You're not getting away that easy. |
| 547 | Stop it. |
| 548 | Joey, come on! |
| 549 | It doesn't matter, you know? |
| 550 | It's not like anything's going to happen. |
| 551 | What? |
| 552 | Why not? |
| 553 | Rach, who can you not get? |
| 554 | ( scoffs ) |
| 555 | Okay, okay. |
| 556 | You really want to know who it is? |
| 557 | Yeah. Who is it? |
| 558 | Do you? Yeah. |
| 559 | Hey. |
| 560 | Hey. |
| 561 | I just left you a message. |
| 562 | Ross and I were going to go grab a bite, |
| 563 | but now that you're here, |
| 564 | maybe we could go have that dinner. |
| 565 | Right. Of course. |
| 566 | Hey, did you guys finish the speech? |
| 567 | Yep, we got it. We got it. |
| 568 | Thank you so much. |
| 569 | I had a great time. |
| 570 | Yeah. Yeah. |
| 571 | Hey, look, and this isn't over, |
| 572 | because I really want to know who... |
| 573 | Later, later. |
| 574 | So, um, shall we? |
| 575 | Yeah. |
| 576 | Okay. Bye. |
| 577 | Okay, good night. |
| 578 | Night. |
| 579 | ( sighs ) |
| 580 | Okay, good night. |
| 581 | Night, Ross. |
| 582 | I can't believe she's going to say yes to David |
| 583 | when she's clearly in love with Mike. |
| 584 | You know, it's very hard to take you seriously |
| 585 | when you look like that. |
| 586 | Um... |
| 587 | Phoebe, um, I have, uh, something I want to say. |
| 588 | Oh, my God, he's going to do it now. |
| 589 | Please, I cannot watch this. Let's go. |
| 590 | I think we have some time. |
| 591 | Have you ever heard him talk? |
| 592 | "Uh, Phoebe, um, I would be honored if, uh, uh..." |
| 593 | Spit it out, David! |
| 594 | Um, Phoebe, um... |
| 595 | Well, you're an amazing woman, |
| 596 | and the time we spent apart was, was... unbearable. |
| 597 | Of course, the sanitation strikes in Minsk didn't help. |
| 598 | Sure, okay, yeah. |
| 599 | But, um, well, now that we're together again, |
| 600 | I don't ever want to be apart. |
| 601 | So to that end... |
| 602 | Oh, my God, Mike. |
| 603 | It's David, actually. |
| 604 | No, Mike's here. |
| 605 | Oh, hey, Mike. |
| 606 | Hi, David. |
| 607 | Chandler. |
| 608 | Moni... Oh. |
| 609 | It's the humidity! |
| 610 | Hi, Phoebe. |
| 611 | What are you doing here? |
| 612 | I have a question I need to ask you. |
| 613 | I have a question I was kind of going |
| 614 | to ask her myself. |
| 615 | Yeah, I understand, but before you do, |
| 616 | she really needs to hear this. |
| 617 | Okay. |
| 618 | Would you care for my seat as well? |
| 619 | Actually, yeah, that'd be great. |
| 620 | Well, that's fair. |
| 621 | You've had a long trip. |
| 622 | Phoebe, I love you. |
| 623 | I've missed you so much these last few months. |
| 624 | And I thought we were apart for a good reason. |
| 625 | But then, I suddenly realized |
| 626 | that there was no reason good enough |
| 627 | to keep me from spending the rest of my life with you. |
| 628 | Uh... I-I... this kind of steps on the toes |
| 629 | of what I was going to say. |
| 630 | I'm sorry, David. |
| 631 | But she really has to know this. |
| 632 | All right, but after this, I want to see you outside. |
| 633 | If the rain stops. |
| 634 | You're the most incredible woman I've ever met. |
| 635 | How could I lose you? |
| 636 | Now, I don't actually have a ring. |
| 637 | I-I-I have a ring. |
| 638 | I wouldn't brag too much about that thing, big guy. |
| 639 | Phoebe... |
| 640 | will you marry me? |
| 641 | No. |
| 642 | Um... ha-ha. |
| 643 | I love you. |
| 644 | But I never needed a proposal from you. |
| 645 | I just needed to know that we were headed somewhere. |
| 646 | You know, that we had a future. |
| 647 | We can have any future you want. |
| 648 | Okay, well, I'm, uh... I'm gonna take off. |
| 649 | Oh, God, David, |
| 650 | I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. |
| 651 | Just so I know, uh... |
| 652 | if I had asked first... |
| 653 | Yeah, I-I... I might have said yes. |
| 654 | But that would've been wrong. I mean... |
| 655 | Please, you don't have to explain. |
| 656 | Perhaps if I hadn't gone to Minsk, |
| 657 | things would've worked out for us. |
| 658 | And I wouldn't have ruined my career... |
| 659 | or lost that toe to frostbite. |
| 660 | It was a good trip. |
| 661 | Is it okay if I hug you now? |
| 662 | Yes. |
| 663 | Because of our meddling! |
| 664 | Oh, isn't this nice? |
| 665 | So quiet, I could just lie here all day. |
| 666 | Oh, I know. |
| 667 | ( door opens ) |
| 668 | Open your drapes! |
| 669 | Open your drapes! |
| 670 | So glad we got adjoining rooms. |
| 671 | The sun is out! Look! |
| 672 | Hey, remember when I had corneas? |
| 673 | You go down to the pool and reserve the chairs, |
| 674 | and I'll get the magazines and the lotion. |
| 675 | Uh, ladies, Ross's speech is in 45 minutes. |
| 676 | No! Damn it! |
| 677 | ROSS: Walls are pretty thin, guys. |
| 678 | Then we have to weigh the data |
| 679 | from recent MRI scans and DNA testing, |
| 680 | which call into question information gathered from years |
| 681 | of simple carbon dating. |
| 682 | Look at that woman sitting out by the pool getting tan. |
| 683 | She's all leathery and wrinkled. |
| 684 | I'm so jealous! |
| 685 | Finally, factor in |
| 686 | the profusion of new species recently discovered: |
| 687 | Giganotosaurus. |
| 688 | Argentinosaurus. |
| 689 | Not to mention "Coldsaurus." |
| 690 | And that's just the herbivores. |
| 691 | I'm not even going to discuss the carnivores. |
| 692 | Their heads are already too big. |
| 693 | Which is ironic |
| 694 | considering their stunted cerebral development. |
| 695 | ( laughing ) |
| 696 | ( laughing heartily ) |
| 697 | Really? |
| 698 | But all kidding aside... |
| 699 | In much the same way that Homo ergaster |
| 700 | is now thought to be a separate species from Homo erectus... |
| 701 | ( laughs ) |
| 702 | What? |
| 703 | He said "erectus." |
| 704 | You're kidding, right? |
| 705 | No, he really said it. |
| 706 | And while there are certainly vast differences |
| 707 | between these Mesozoic fossils |
| 708 | and the example of Homo erectus... |
| 709 | ( laughs ) |
| 710 | Erectus? |
| 711 | Homo. |
| 712 | ( laughs ) |
| 713 | In a very real way, we can bring the Mesozoic Era |
| 714 | into the 21st century. |
| 715 | Thank you. |
| 716 | ( applause ) |
| 717 | Congratulations. Great. |
| 718 | Really? Really great. |
| 719 | Oh, thanks, guys. |
| 720 | I thought it was wonderful. Oh. |
| 721 | Jarvis Oberblau. Cornell. |
| 722 | I mean, the ideas you put forth. |
| 723 | And from someone so young and... |
| 724 | Okay, now we're just holding hands. |
| 725 | All right. |
| 726 | Well, um, we're gonna hit the beach. |
| 727 | It was really great. |
| 728 | Oh, thank you so much. |
| 729 | And so funny. |
| 730 | Take it easy. |
| 731 | Okay. All right, thanks. |
| 732 | Thanks so much. |
| 733 | I can't tell you how much it means to me that you were here. |
| 734 | What, are you kidding? We wouldn't have missed it. |
| 735 | Oh. |
| 736 | I'm back. |
| 737 | Okay. |
| 738 | Excuse me. |
| 739 | Hey. |
| 740 | Well? |
| 741 | You were incredible. |
| 742 | I mean, you blew them away. |
| 743 | I can't tell you how great it was |
| 744 | to look out into the crowd and see your face. |
| 745 | I mean... did you know you were |
| 746 | mouthing the words along with me? |
| 747 | I was not. |
| 748 | No, it's okay. It made me feel like a rock star. |
| 749 | Oh, my God, I'm your groupie. |
| 750 | I better not find you naked in my hotel room. |
| 751 | Look, I took it too far. |
| 752 | Oh, I can't believe it's raining again. |
| 753 | It's so unfair. |
| 754 | Well, on the bright side, now we won't have to see |
| 755 | all these paleontologists with their shirts off. |
| 756 | Not you guys. |
| 757 | You've got it going on. |
| 758 | So what are we gonna do today? |
| 759 | They have a game room downstairs. |
| 760 | I think they have like, ping-pong and stuff. |
| 761 | Ping-pong?! |
| 762 | Honey, they have ping-pong. Let's play. |
| 763 | I don't think so. |
| 764 | Why not? |
| 765 | Because you know how competitive you get. |
| 766 | And while I say it's cute, |
| 767 | others disagree and I'm lying. |
| 768 | I'm not always that bad. |
| 769 | Oh, yeah? |
| 770 | What happened when we played last time? |
| 771 | I punched you. |
| 772 | And...? |
| 773 | Phoebe. |
| 774 | And...? |
| 775 | I clunked your heads together. |
| 776 | ( blows ) |
| 777 | ( chuckles ) |
| 778 | Hey. There you are. |
| 779 | Hey, listen, as soon as it stops raining, |
| 780 | we have got to go snorkeling. |
| 781 | Some kid told me about this sea turtle |
| 782 | and if you blow bubbles in his face, he chases you. |
| 783 | I'm sorry, I can't. |
| 784 | I'm running a discussion group all afternoon. |
| 785 | Oh. Well, that's okay. |
| 786 | I'll find someone else to do it. |
| 787 | I'd do it alone, but, uh... |
| 788 | I don't know what happens if the sea turtle catches you. |
| 789 | God, you know, I feel so bad. |
| 790 | I haven't seen you this whole trip. |
| 791 | Especially last night. |
| 792 | Hey, don't worry about it. It was fine. |
| 793 | I ended up having the best time with Rachel. |
| 794 | I just felt bad for you, |
| 795 | stuck in that room working on Ross's speech. |
| 796 | Actually, it turned out to be a lot of fun. |
| 797 | Oh. |
| 798 | Well, at least we're both having fun. |
| 799 | Is it weird that it's not with each other? |
| 800 | Yeah. |
| 801 | A little bit, yeah. |
| 802 | I think we need to talk. |
| 803 | Yeah, I think we do. |
| 804 | About what? |
| 805 | Come on, you guys, it'll be fun. |
| 806 | All right, all right, |
| 807 | I'll play if we don't keep score. |
| 808 | Well, then how do we know who wins? |
| 809 | Nobody wins. |
| 810 | So we're just four losers. |
| 811 | Super! |
| 812 | Well, I'm not playing with her. |
| 813 | I'm out. |
| 814 | I'll play you. Okay. |
| 815 | Mike, you don't know what you're doing. |
| 816 | She gets crazy. |
| 817 | This scar is from Pictionary. |
| 818 | I think I'll be all right. |
| 819 | You want to volley a bit for serve? |
| 820 | Sure if you want to. |
| 821 | Oh! |
| 822 | Oh, by the way, um, I'm awesome. |
| 823 | Oh, dear God, there's two of them. |
| 824 | You ready to play? |
| 825 | Hell, yeah. |
| 826 | Did you know this about him? |
| 827 | No idea. |
| 828 | I thought he was soft like you. |
| 829 | You want to make it more interesting? |
| 830 | How much were you thinking? |
| 831 | Ten bucks a game. |
| 832 | Make it 50. |
| 833 | I'll make it a hundred. |
| 834 | One thousand... Okay! |
| 835 | We'll flip to see who goes first. |
| 836 | You got a quarter? |
| 837 | No. |
| 838 | Either of you girls got a quarter? |
| 839 | Honey, try to focus the trash talk on him. |
| 840 | Monica, you call it. Heads. |
| 841 | No, tails! Heads! Tails. |
| 842 | Oh, what are the chances?! |
| 843 | Ha! My point! |
| 844 | Oh, no, I don't think so. |
| 845 | According to standard table tennis rules, |
| 846 | if at any time a player uses his non-racquet-bearing hand |
| 847 | to touch the playing surface, he or she forfeits the point. |
| 848 | He was a lawyer. |
| 849 | All of the East Coast is having beautiful weather. |
| 850 | In New York it's 72 and sunny. |
| 851 | Weather bitch. |
| 852 | ( knocking on door ) |
| 853 | It's open. |
| 854 | Hi, Joe. Hey. |
| 855 | What, is everything okay? |
| 856 | Charlie and I broke up. |
| 857 | No. Why? |
| 858 | Well, she said we have nothing in common. |
| 859 | That's crazy. |
| 860 | No, it's not. We have nothing in common. |
| 861 | Yeah, that's true. |
| 862 | I mean, she should be with someone more like... Ross. |
| 863 | You know, he uses all those big words, too. |
| 864 | Man, smart people are dull. |
| 865 | Hey! |
| 866 | ( chuckles ) Okay, Rach. |
| 867 | I feel so stupid, you know. |
| 868 | Why do I keep going after the wrong girls? |
| 869 | Well, what are you talking about? |
| 870 | Come on, I mean, there's you, |
| 871 | then there's Charlie... |
| 872 | That's like... |
| 873 | ( sighs ) |
| 874 | What the hell's my problem? |
| 875 | ( sighs ) |
| 876 | Okay. Um... |
| 877 | maybe you're not always going after the wrong girl. |
| 878 | I'm telling you, Rach, Charlie is not right for me. |
| 879 | Yeah, I'm not talking about her. |
| 880 | Well, then who? |
| 881 | The waitress I went out with last month? |
| 882 | You know what? Forget it. |
| 883 | No, no, no, no, |
| 884 | Who are you talking about? |
| 885 | I-I-I don't... I don't... |
| 886 | I actually don't know who I'm talking about. |
| 887 | Okay. |
| 888 | All right, well... |
| 889 | I'm gonna go see if I can get a room for tonight. |
| 890 | And, uh, I'll see you later. |
| 891 | Yeah, sure. Okay. |
| 892 | You like me? |
| 893 | Okay... |
| 894 | let's not make a big thing about this. |
| 895 | It's a huge thing. |
| 896 | Okay, not working with me, Joe. |
| 897 | Look, here's the thing. |
| 898 | Lately, I have been having thoughts. |
| 899 | Musings, if you will. |
| 900 | Wha... For how long? |
| 901 | Only like a month. |
| 902 | A month?! |
| 903 | Dial it down. |
| 904 | Listen, okay, and maybe they're crazy thoughts, |
| 905 | but sometimes I do. |
| 906 | I've been thinking about, you know, us. |
| 907 | Okay, dial it up a little. |
| 908 | Okay... I just have one question. Shoot. |
| 909 | What the hell are you doing?! |
| 910 | I'm not trying to do anything. |
| 911 | It's just, we have such a good time |
| 912 | when we're together, you know. |
| 913 | Aren't you just a little curious |
| 914 | what it would be like? |
| 915 | Am I curious? |
| 916 | I'm as curious as... as... |
| 917 | George. |
| 918 | Who? |
| 919 | Curious George. |
| 920 | You know, the monkey and the guy with the yellow hat? |
| 921 | Yes, of course. I remember him. |
| 922 | He had a paper route. |
| 923 | Yeah, he did. |
| 924 | See, this is what I'm talking about. |
| 925 | Yeah, I know we're great, |
| 926 | but, Rach, no, this... this can't happen. |
| 927 | Can't it just happen a little bit? |
| 928 | Well... |
| 929 | No! No! It can't happen at all! |
| 930 | Why? Why not? |
| 931 | Because, look, no one wants this to happen |
| 932 | more than me, okay? |
| 933 | I have gone over this moment |
| 934 | in my head a hundred times |
| 935 | and not once did I ever say no. |
| 936 | But... |
| 937 | ( sighs ) |
| 938 | I couldn't do it to Ross. |
| 939 | But that wasn't going to stop you before. |
| 940 | I know. |
| 941 | I know, but I've thought about it a lot since then, |
| 942 | and it just wouldn't be right. |
| 943 | I'm sorry. |
| 944 | I'm sorry, too. |
| 945 | Oh, God. |
| 946 | I shouldn't have said anything. |
| 947 | No, no. No, no, no. |
| 948 | Hey, hey, we'll be fine. |
| 949 | Like you said, it's no big deal. It's not a big deal. |
| 950 | No big deal. It's so not a big deal. |
| 951 | Yeah. I'll see you later. Okay. |
| 952 | Hey. |
| 953 | ( sighs ) |
| 954 | Oh! |
| 955 | Oh! I'm sorry, I think... |
| 956 | I think that may have missed the table. |
| 957 | Oh, do you? |
| 958 | Uh, yeah. |
| 959 | Do you? |
| 960 | Uh, yeah. |
| 961 | Do ya? |
| 962 | Uh, yeah. |
| 963 | You really find this attractive on him? |
| 964 | Oh, yeah. |
| 965 | Are you telling me you're not even |
| 966 | a little turned on by Monica right now? |
| 967 | I think this is the first time in our marriage |
| 968 | that I felt like the more attractive one. |
| 969 | PHOEBE: All right, come on, Mike. |
| 970 | You can beat her. |
| 971 | Knock that dog off her head. |
| 972 | Damn it! |
| 973 | I sleep with him. |
| 974 | Game point. |
| 975 | Don't get too cocky. |
| 976 | Remember, I won the last one. |
| 977 | Oh, by the way, how did that feel losing to a girl? |
| 978 | You know, you should really look in mirror |
| 979 | before you call yourself that. |
| 980 | No! No! No! |
| 981 | And that's how it's done. |
| 982 | CHANDLER: Okeydokey. |
| 983 | You've each won a game |
| 984 | and I've lost what's felt like a year of my life. |
| 985 | So everybody goes home a winner. |
| 986 | Best out of three? |
| 987 | That's what I'm thinking. |
| 988 | Should I use my invisibility |
| 989 | to fight crime or for evil? |
| 990 | Serve the ball, chump. |
| 991 | ( imitating Monica ): "Serve the ball, chump." |
| 992 | Okay, better comebacks, Mike. Better comebacks. |
| 993 | I'm just saying I have a cabin in the Adirondacks. |
| 994 | And if you ever want to get away from the city, |
| 995 | well, that'd be... |
| 996 | just nifty. |
| 997 | Ooh, well, um... |
| 998 | I've kind of got a lot on my plate right now. |
| 999 | Not that I wouldn't love a weekend in the country |
| 1000 | with a strange man. |
| 1001 | Jarvis? |
| 1002 | Oh, you're back. |
| 1003 | Um, this is my wife Nancy. |
| 1004 | Get out. |
| 1005 | Ross, can I talk to you for a minute? |
| 1006 | Yes, please. |
| 1007 | Um, so what's going on? |
| 1008 | Um... |
| 1009 | Well... |
| 1010 | Joey and I broke up. |
| 1011 | Oh, my God. |
| 1012 | What... what happened? |
| 1013 | Joey is a great guy, |
| 1014 | but we're just... we're so different. |
| 1015 | I mean, like during your speech |
| 1016 | he kept laughing at Homo erectus. |
| 1017 | I knew that was him. |
| 1018 | Anyway, I just... |
| 1019 | I think it's for the best. |
| 1020 | Hey. Hey, you okay? |
| 1021 | I guess. |
| 1022 | There was, um... |
| 1023 | there was another reason |
| 1024 | that I thought it was time to end it with Joey. |
| 1025 | I started to realize that I was having feelings |
| 1026 | for someone else. |
| 1027 | Okay, Geller, last day of the conference. |
| 1028 | You know what happens to the keynote speaker. |
| 1029 | Uh, Professor Klarik, we're kind of in the middle |
| 1030 | of a conversation here. |
| 1031 | Yeah. Can't you guys just throw him in the pool later? |
| 1032 | Or we could throw you both in now. |
| 1033 | Okay, gentlemen, please. |
| 1034 | Aren't we a little old for this? |
| 1035 | I mean, |
| 1036 | we're scientists, all right? |
| 1037 | We're academics, |
| 1038 | and most importantly, |
| 1039 | you will have to catch us first. |
| 1040 | Go! Go! Go! |
| 1041 | Okay, so it's tied again: 41 to 41. |
| 1042 | Okay, look, enough is enough. |
| 1043 | No, I just have two more points to beat him. |
| 1044 | Monica, that was also true an hour ago. |
| 1045 | I mean, please, look at you. |
| 1046 | Your hand is blistered. You can barely stand. |
| 1047 | Your hair is inexplicable. |
| 1048 | Okay, you've already proven you're just as good as he is. |
| 1049 | Now we've missed our dinner reservations. |
| 1050 | So now let's just go upstairs, order room service, |
| 1051 | take a shower and shave your head. |
| 1052 | I can't just walk away. |
| 1053 | I've put in four hours. |
| 1054 | But... |
| 1055 | Look, you knew this about me when you married me. |
| 1056 | You agreed to take me in sickness and in health. |
| 1057 | Well, this is my sickness. |
| 1058 | What about the obsessive cleaning? |
| 1059 | That's just good sense. |
| 1060 | Ow! |
| 1061 | ( stifled moan ) |
| 1062 | You okay? |
| 1063 | No, no, honey, I'm okay. |
| 1064 | I shake it off. |
| 1065 | Oh, God, no shaking! No shaking! |
| 1066 | No shaking. |
| 1067 | Oh, my God. |
| 1068 | I can't play. |
| 1069 | So you forfeit? |
| 1070 | Mike wins? |
| 1071 | I can't believe it. |
| 1072 | I lost. |
| 1073 | No, you didn't. |
| 1074 | What? |
| 1075 | Because I'm going to play for you. |
| 1076 | You can't do that. |
| 1077 | It's okay. |
| 1078 | I don't care which of them I beat. |
| 1079 | Okay, we're taking that paddle home, mister. |
| 1080 | Honey, you don't have to do this. |
| 1081 | Yes, I do. |
| 1082 | Now, I may not understand why you have to win so badly, |
| 1083 | but if it's important to you, then it's important to me. |
| 1084 | Because I love you. |
| 1085 | But... you suck. |
| 1086 | You're welcome, sweetheart. |
| 1087 | All right, Mike, let's get this over with. |
| 1088 | Sudden death. |
| 1089 | Whoever wins this point, wins. |
| 1090 | Okay. |
| 1091 | Oh, my God. |
| 1092 | You're good. |
| 1093 | It's like watching porn. |
| 1094 | And that's how it's done. |
| 1095 | Oh, my God! Oh, my God! |
| 1096 | That was so amazing. |
| 1097 | When did you...? |
| 1098 | Hold on, I almost forgot. |
| 1099 | Loser! |
| 1100 | When did you stop sucking? |
| 1101 | I never sucked. |
| 1102 | I just didn't want you to know how good I was. |
| 1103 | Why? I don't know. |
| 1104 | This is so great. |
| 1105 | Now we can enter into doubles tournaments. |
| 1106 | That's why. |
| 1107 | Are they still looking for us? |
| 1108 | Yeah, yeah, the bartender said they split up |
| 1109 | into two search parties-- |
| 1110 | the herbivores and the carnivores. |
| 1111 | You know, we as a group, are not the coolest. |
| 1112 | Oh! |
| 1113 | I don't think they saw us. |
| 1114 | I don't think they did. |
| 1115 | Um, so... |
| 1116 | I started to tell you something earlier. |
| 1117 | There... there was another reason |
| 1118 | I realized it was time to end it with Joey. |
| 1119 | I, um, I kind of realized I was starting to have |
| 1120 | feeling for someone else. |
| 1121 | Huh. |
| 1122 | Can I... can I ask who? |
| 1123 | I think you know. |
| 1124 | I think I know too, but I've been really wrong |
| 1125 | about this stuff in the past, so... |
| 1126 | I'm sorry. |
| 1127 | We, uh... we can't. |
| 1128 | All right, all right. |
| 1129 | I mean, you just went out with my best friend, you know. |
| 1130 | I just think it would be a really, really bad idea. |
| 1131 | Or not. |
| 1132 | What? |
| 1133 | Oh. |
| 1134 | |
| 1 | Oh, the way you crushed Mike at Ping-Pong |
| 2 | was such a turn-on. |
| 3 | You want to...? |
| 4 | You know, I'd love to, but I'm a little tired. |
| 5 | I'll put a pillowcase over my head. |
| 6 | You're on. |
| 7 | Hey. |
| 8 | What's up? |
| 9 | Well, okay, Mike's taking a shower, |
| 10 | which, by the way, there's no law against. |
| 11 | And then we're going to grab some food. |
| 12 | So, if you want... ( door closing ) |
| 13 | ROSS: Finally we have some privacy. |
| 14 | Is that Ross? |
| 15 | Yeah, you can hear everything |
| 16 | through these stupid walls. |
| 17 | ...just wanted to kiss you... |
| 18 | Sounds like he's with someone. |
| 19 | He could be alone. |
| 20 | This morning I heard him do push-ups |
| 21 | and then talk to his triceps. |
| 22 | Wait a minute, I think Phoebe's right. |
| 23 | Yeah, I hear someone else in there with him. |
| 24 | ( moaning ) |
| 25 | Dr. Geller. |
| 26 | God, you're amazing. |
| 27 | I didn't even have to ask you to call me that. |
| 28 | Oh, my God. That's Charlie. |
| 29 | She's cheating on Joey with Ross. |
| 30 | Oh, that tart, floozy... giant. |
| 31 | I'm not sure about this. |
| 32 | Yeah, you're right; this is none of our business. |
| 33 | No, I'm not sure that was the best way |
| 34 | to hear everything. |
| 35 | Someone get me a glass. |
| 36 | No, I'm not going to do this, okay? |
| 37 | I'm not going to eavesdrop on my friend. |
| 38 | RACHEL: Oh, Joe, I am really starting to love Barbados. |
| 39 | ( both moaning softly ) |
| 40 | I can't believe I'm kissing you. |
| 41 | I'm kissing Rachel! |
| 42 | I know. I'm her. |
| 43 | Rachel and Joey-- it's Rachel and Joey! |
| 44 | What?! |
| 45 | Get over here! |
| 46 | RACHEL: Ah. |
| 47 | Whoa. |
| 48 | Oh, my God. |
| 49 | I love how thin these walls are! |
| 50 | Thank you. |
| 51 | ♪ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ♪ |
| 52 | ♪ Your job's a joke, you're broke ♪ |
| 53 | ♪ Your love life's D.O.A. ♪ |
| 54 | ♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪ |
| 55 | ♪ When it hasn't been your day, your week ♪ |
| 56 | ♪ Your month, or even your year ♪ |
| 57 | ♪ But I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 58 | ♪ When the rain starts to pour ♪ |
| 59 | ♪ I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 60 | ♪ Like I've been there before ♪ |
| 61 | ♪ I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 62 | ♪ 'Cause you're there for me, too. ♪ |
| 63 | Hey, you know, before you said |
| 64 | that nothing could happen between us. |
| 65 | What changed? |
| 66 | Well, I only said that because of Ross. |
| 67 | Mm. You know, then I saw him kissing Charlie... |
| 68 | What? |
| 69 | Ross and Charlie? |
| 70 | Wow, she's really making her way |
| 71 | through the group, huh? |
| 72 | Eh, who am I to talk? |
| 73 | I can't believe this. |
| 74 | Rachel and Joey? |
| 75 | How about the dinosaur twins in the other room? |
| 76 | No one is manning that wall. |
| 77 | I'm on it. |
| 78 | Anything? |
| 79 | I think I hear curtains closing. |
| 80 | We've got shoes being kicked off over here. |
| 81 | Bedsprings... unmistakable. |
| 82 | You do realize that's your brother? |
| 83 | Not until you said it. Somebody switch! |
| 84 | Wow. |
| 85 | Wait a minute. |
| 86 | Ross and Charlie, Joey and Rachel, |
| 87 | Phoebe and Mike. |
| 88 | We're the only people leaving |
| 89 | with the same person we came with. |
| 90 | That's not true. |
| 91 | I came with Monica, and I'm leaving with Weird Al. |
| 92 | Okay, I've had it with the hair jokes. |
| 93 | Tomorrow morning, before we leave, I'm going to the salon. |
| 94 | Okay, Buckwheat. |
| 95 | ( exasperated sigh ) |
| 96 | You-you got to hear this. |
| 97 | It's great. It's like, it's like free porn. |
| 98 | Wa... |
| 99 | Is everything okay? |
| 100 | Yeah, it's just I-I don't think I can do this. |
| 101 | Oh... |
| 102 | Is it because of what might be on the bedspread, |
| 103 | 'cause I saw that news report too |
| 104 | with the infrared, and we could just... |
| 105 | No, no. |
| 106 | No, uh... |
| 107 | Look, I-I need to talk to Joey. |
| 108 | I mean, you guys just broke up. |
| 109 | Before anything more happens between us, |
| 110 | I need to know he's okay with it. |
| 111 | I, uh... I completely understand. |
| 112 | All right, I'm going to go find him. |
| 113 | I just need a second before I can... you know. |
| 114 | Grandma, Grandma, Grandma... |
| 115 | Okay, I'll see you later. |
| 116 | Okay. |
| 117 | ( door closes ) |
| 118 | That's the door. He's gone. |
| 119 | And she's turning on the TV, |
| 120 | and watching... |
| 121 | Miss Congeniality. |
| 122 | Honey, if you know it through a wall, |
| 123 | you know it too well. |
| 124 | Hey, what are you guys doing? |
| 125 | Oh, we're just... we're sad to go, |
| 126 | so we're just saying good-bye to the hotel. |
| 127 | I love you.... |
| 128 | Paradise hotel, golf resort and spa. |
| 129 | Yep, we had a great time. Thank you. |
| 130 | Bye. |
| 131 | Okay. |
| 132 | Um, hey, have you guys seen Joey anywhere? |
| 133 | He's probably in his room |
| 134 | with his current girlfriend Charlie. |
| 135 | That's the situation as we know it. |
| 136 | Well, if you see him, can you please tell him |
| 137 | I'm looking for him? |
| 138 | You got it. Thanks. |
| 139 | Thank you. |
| 140 | Other wall, people, other wall. |
| 141 | ( knocking ) |
| 142 | Rach, you there? |
| 143 | Oh, my God. That's Ross. |
| 144 | What are we going to do? |
| 145 | Okay, just be calm, just be calm. |
| 146 | For all he knows we're just... |
| 147 | we're just hanging out together. |
| 148 | All right, so just be nonchalant. |
| 149 | That's not nonchalant. |
| 150 | I have no idea what it means. |
| 151 | Oh! |
| 152 | Okay, just hide. |
| 153 | ( knocking ) |
| 154 | Rach? |
| 155 | Coming. |
| 156 | Try under the bed, try under the bed. |
| 157 | There's no room under the bed. |
| 158 | Is everything okay? |
| 159 | Yeah. |
| 160 | Hey. |
| 161 | Hi. |
| 162 | Do you know where Joey is? |
| 163 | I really don't. |
| 164 | Can I talk to you for a minute? |
| 165 | Yeah, sure. |
| 166 | I don't believe this. |
| 167 | Have you guys been...? |
| 168 | Shh. This is the listening side of the wall. |
| 169 | And then she told me that she and Joey had broken up, |
| 170 | and that part of the reason |
| 171 | was that she had feelings for me. |
| 172 | Uh-huh, right. Yeah. |
| 173 | And you know I've wanted to ask Charlie out |
| 174 | since the day I met her. |
| 175 | I know, I know. |
| 176 | It's been really hard for you. |
| 177 | Anyway, one thing |
| 178 | led to another, and... |
| 179 | before you know it, we were kissing. |
| 180 | How angry do you think Joey's going to be? |
| 181 | That is hard to say, Ross. |
| 182 | That's hard to say. |
| 183 | You know, I got to go find him. |
| 184 | He's got to be here someplace. |
| 185 | You would think. |
| 186 | Joey? |
| 187 | JOEY: Is he gone? |
| 188 | How are you doing this?! |
| 189 | Psst. |
| 190 | Hey. What are you...? |
| 191 | What is this? |
| 192 | Have you guys been listening this entire time? |
| 193 | Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. |
| 194 | Now, what is this? |
| 195 | What is this? |
| 196 | Well, let's see... |
| 197 | we kissed for ten minutes |
| 198 | and now we're talking to our friends about it, |
| 199 | so I guess this is sixth grade. |
| 200 | No, no. |
| 201 | Have you thought about |
| 202 | how complicated this could get? |
| 203 | What about Ross? |
| 204 | Look, he's with Charlie now. |
| 205 | Yeah, but he wants to talk to you |
| 206 | before anything really happens with her. |
| 207 | And as his friend, I mean, don't you think |
| 208 | he deserves the same from you? |
| 209 | You're a pain in my ass, Geller. |
| 210 | All right, look, you guys, |
| 211 | look, we appreciate all the advice, |
| 212 | but this is between Joey and me |
| 213 | and I think we can handle it. |
| 214 | Okay, we'll go back in there, |
| 215 | but will you do one thing for us-- |
| 216 | the people that care about you? Sure. |
| 217 | Enunciate. |
| 218 | ( distinctly ): Get out. |
| 219 | Are they right? |
| 220 | Probably, yeah. |
| 221 | I mean, maybe we should... |
| 222 | hold off until we talk to Ross. |
| 223 | Yeah. |
| 224 | Yeah. It can wait. |
| 225 | We don't have to do anything tonight. |
| 226 | Yeah, I-I think that'd be best. |
| 227 | So... so... |
| 228 | I'm going to... I'm going to take off. |
| 229 | Although... |
| 230 | I like although. |
| 231 | I mean, you know... |
| 232 | Ross and I haven't dated in like... |
| 233 | six years. |
| 234 | Six years? |
| 235 | Wow. That's almost as long as high school. |
| 236 | Plus, you know, he is with Charlie now. |
| 237 | Absolutely. |
| 238 | He's not thinking about you. |
| 239 | No. |
| 240 | I'm thinking about you. |
| 241 | Yeah. |
| 242 | Let's forget about Ross. |
| 243 | It's forgotten. |
| 244 | What's wrong? Nothing. |
| 245 | ( Joey's voice ): Seriously, what is it? |
| 246 | Nothing. It's really... it's nothing. |
| 247 | Come here, come here. |
| 248 | What's wrong? |
| 249 | Sorry, I just, um... |
| 250 | I can't seem to get Ross out of my head. |
| 251 | Well, maybe I can help. |
| 252 | ( Rachel's voice ): Ah, your lips are so soft. |
| 253 | Do that again. |
| 254 | ( gasping ) |
| 255 | Yeah, we... we... we need to talk to Ross. |
| 256 | Yeah. Yeah. |
| 257 | Hey. |
| 258 | Hey. You guys ready to go? |
| 259 | Not quite. Monica's still at the salon, |
| 260 | and I'm just finishing packing. |
| 261 | Dude, you're not taking your Bible? |
| 262 | You're not supposed to take that. |
| 263 | Besides, it's a New Testament. |
| 264 | What are you gonna do with it? |
| 265 | Learn about Jesus. |
| 266 | Hey. |
| 267 | So, did you talk to Joey? |
| 268 | Uh, no, no. I couldn't find him. |
| 269 | Uh, I'm just gonna talk to him on the plane. |
| 270 | Okay. |
| 271 | Sounds like a good idea... |
| 272 | Dr. Geller. |
| 273 | Stop it. |
| 274 | Ph.D... |
| 275 | You're filthy. |
| 276 | Hey, have you guys seen Monica? |
| 277 | Uh, actually, I think she went to the salon. |
| 278 | Oh, yeah. Oh, she went to the salon, all right. |
| 279 | Check it out! |
| 280 | Whose day just got better? |
| 281 | Chandler! |
| 282 | Hey... |
| 283 | Ah...! |
| 284 | What do you think? |
| 285 | I think... |
| 286 | I think I can see your scalp. |
| 287 | Don't you just love it? |
| 288 | Y-Yeah, yeah. |
| 289 | Y-You got shellfish in your head. |
| 290 | It's, uh... it's something. |
| 291 | You go, girlfriend! |
| 292 | You've never said that in your life, have you? |
| 293 | Not once. I thought so. |
| 294 | Oh! And listen to this. |
| 295 | ( shells rattling ) |
| 296 | What do you know? |
| 297 | It's a treat for the eyes and the ears. |
| 298 | Ooh! |
| 299 | Wow, it's, uh... kind of weird. |
| 300 | I'm sitting next to Charlie after we broke up. |
| 301 | Yeah, it's almost as if Air Barbados |
| 302 | doesn't care about your social life. |
| 303 | Hey, look, does someone mind switching |
| 304 | and sitting with Charlie? |
| 305 | Oh, I mean, I... Dude, I spent |
| 306 | the whole conference with Charlie. |
| 307 | I understand. |
| 308 | No, I'll do it. |
| 309 | Wish I could switch with someone. |
| 310 | I really don't want to sit with Allen Iverson over there. |
| 311 | Um, you know, once we're in the air, |
| 312 | and the captain turns off the seat-belt sign, |
| 313 | you feel free to roam about my cabin. |
| 314 | You should be careful |
| 315 | when checking your overhead bins... |
| 316 | 'cause items may shift during... |
| 317 | Aw, you're not good at this. |
| 318 | Hey, you don't have to go home tonight, do you? |
| 319 | No, I think I could come over. It's Saturday, right? |
| 320 | Oh... |
| 321 | What? |
| 322 | Um, I can't do anything tonight. |
| 323 | Why not? |
| 324 | I have a date. |
| 325 | You have a... |
| 326 | You have a date? |
| 327 | With who? |
| 328 | Oh, it's... |
| 329 | my girlfriend. |
| 330 | You have... |
| 331 | you have a girlfriend? |
| 332 | Yeah. |
| 333 | Well, when you and I broke up, I started seeing someone. |
| 334 | Well, for how long? |
| 335 | Three months. |
| 336 | Three months? |
| 337 | Okay. |
| 338 | This is probably none of my business, |
| 339 | but how long do you think you're gonna keep seeing her? |
| 340 | I'll tell her that it's over tonight at dinner. |
| 341 | I promise. |
| 342 | Oh, okay, good. You do that. |
| 343 | And then when you get home, maybe there'll be |
| 344 | a special delivery package waiting for you. |
| 345 | Then maybe I'll sign for it... |
| 346 | tear it open... |
| 347 | pull out the packing material... |
| 348 | You know what? |
| 349 | We're gonna have sex. Let's just leave it there. |
| 350 | All right. |
| 351 | I'm gonna go talk to Joey. |
| 352 | I think this is the right time. |
| 353 | He's always in a good mood |
| 354 | after the flight attendant says "duty-free." |
| 355 | Okay. |
| 356 | Good luck. |
| 357 | Ross is coming over. |
| 358 | I think now would be a really good time to talk to him. |
| 359 | Well, I guess so. |
| 360 | I'm just... really nervous. |
| 361 | Okay, well, keep in mind that by the time you're done, |
| 362 | they'll probably be serving dinner. |
| 363 | Ooh. |
| 364 | Still nervous? |
| 365 | I'm gonna get the lasagna. |
| 366 | Hey, Rach? |
| 367 | Yeah? |
| 368 | Do you mind if I sit here for a sec? |
| 369 | Yeah. Yeah. Oh, sure! |
| 370 | Yeah. |
| 371 | ( sighs ) |
| 372 | Hey. |
| 373 | Hey. |
| 374 | So, I, um... |
| 375 | I kinda need to talk to you about Charlie. |
| 376 | Yeah? |
| 377 | Okay, last night, after you guys broke up-- |
| 378 | so sorry to hear about that, by the way-- |
| 379 | well, Charlie and I were talking, and... |
| 380 | Well... |
| 381 | You kissed? |
| 382 | ( sputtering laugh ) |
| 383 | What?! |
| 384 | Wha-Wha-What would give you that idea? |
| 385 | I saw you. |
| 386 | Yeah, we kissed. |
| 387 | But... nothing else, |
| 388 | nothing else happened, okay? |
| 389 | Ross, Ross... |
| 390 | It's okay. |
| 391 | What? |
| 392 | It's okay. |
| 393 | Look, I totally understand, all right? |
| 394 | You guys make way more sense |
| 395 | than her and I ever did, you know, and... |
| 396 | I want you to be happy. |
| 397 | Are you serious? |
| 398 | Yeah. |
| 399 | Now, I have something... |
| 400 | I am speechless. |
| 401 | I mean, the fact |
| 402 | that you would put my happiness first like that? |
| 403 | I mean, you-you... |
| 404 | you're an incredible friend, you know that? |
| 405 | Well, look, before you go... |
| 406 | No, I-I mean it. |
| 407 | I mean, you are so... |
| 408 | you're so loyal, man, and-and selfless |
| 409 | and generous. |
| 410 | I am those things, yeah. |
| 411 | You know, I've known Chandler longer, |
| 412 | so I always think of him as my best friend. |
| 413 | But now... |
| 414 | I'm gonna have to rethink some stuff. |
| 415 | Oh, dude! |
| 416 | Hey, if there is ever anything I can do for you... |
| 417 | I can't think of anything. |
| 418 | ROSS: Thanks. |
| 419 | Yeah. |
| 420 | So, hi. |
| 421 | Hi. |
| 422 | So, you, uh, so, you talked to Joey? |
| 423 | Oh, yeah. |
| 424 | We had a really good talk. |
| 425 | Oh, that's great. |
| 426 | Yeah. |
| 427 | Oh, so, everything's okay? |
| 428 | Oh, no, it's great. It's great. |
| 429 | He's an amazing guy. |
| 430 | Ah, well, obviously, I think so, too. |
| 431 | Well, I am so excited about this. |
| 432 | Really? |
| 433 | Excited? |
| 434 | Are you kidding? |
| 435 | I have had some very dirty dreams about this. |
| 436 | Excuse me. |
| 437 | You didn't tell him, did you? |
| 438 | I couldn't. |
| 439 | He was saying all these really nice things about me. |
| 440 | I didn't want him to get mad and take them all back. |
| 441 | I'm gonna edge out Chandler. |
| 442 | Oh, God! |
| 443 | All right, fine. You know what, Joey? |
| 444 | Forget it. When we go back to New York, |
| 445 | I will tell him. Thank you. |
| 446 | Yeah, I appreciate that. |
| 447 | Ha-ha-ha-ho-ho! |
| 448 | Ho-ho... |
| 449 | ( phone ringing ) |
| 450 | Hi, Mike's place. |
| 451 | Hey, it's Mike. |
| 452 | Ooh, that was fast. |
| 453 | Oh, no, she's not here yet. |
| 454 | You know, I think I'm just going to take off |
| 455 | and break up with her over the phone. |
| 456 | You can't do that. |
| 457 | Oh, come on, Mike, strap on a pair. |
| 458 | Why don't you just tell her that we got back together? |
| 459 | You know, women appreciate honesty. |
| 460 | We also appreciate a gentle spanking once in a while, |
| 461 | just FYI. |
| 462 | Oh, um... |
| 463 | one more thing. |
| 464 | There might be a picture of Precious on my coffee table. |
| 465 | Her name's Precious? |
| 466 | Is she a purebreed, or did you pick her up at the pound? |
| 467 | Anyway, I just wanted to give you a heads up. |
| 468 | Okay... Oh, and you know, if she gets upset, |
| 469 | just scratch her tummy and give her a Liva Snap. |
| 470 | ( laughs ) |
| 471 | ( knocking at door ) |
| 472 | Hi, I'm Precious. Who are you? |
| 473 | I'm-I'm Phoebe. |
| 474 | Phoebe? |
| 475 | Mike's ex-girlfriend Phoebe? |
| 476 | The love of his life? |
| 477 | That Phoebe? |
| 478 | Enchantée. |
| 479 | Oh, I can't wait for everyone at work to see these. |
| 480 | Ow! |
| 481 | You go back to work tomorrow night, right? |
| 482 | Yeah. |
| 483 | So, if you want people to see them, |
| 484 | then by definition you're not having them taken out, |
| 485 | say at that break of dawn? |
| 486 | Well, if I had them taken out, |
| 487 | then I wouldn't be able to do this. |
| 488 | ( groans ) |
| 489 | You like that, right? |
| 490 | ( humming ) |
| 491 | What are you singing? |
| 492 | It's "Bolero," from Ten. |
| 493 | It's "Ride of the Valkyries" from Apocalypse Now. |
| 494 | See, here's the thing. |
| 495 | The corn rows were really a solution |
| 496 | to your frizzy hair problem, and now that we're home |
| 497 | you don't have that problem anymore. |
| 498 | So if you think about it, I hate them. |
| 499 | What? |
| 500 | You said you liked them. |
| 501 | Did I? |
| 502 | Let's refresh. |
| 503 | I believe what I said was that I could see your scalp. |
| 504 | Well, fine, so you don't like them. |
| 505 | Everybody else does. |
| 506 | Again, let's journey back. |
| 507 | As I recall, |
| 508 | what Rachel said was, she had never noticed |
| 509 | the shape of your skull before. |
| 510 | And Joey... |
| 511 | Well, Joey didn't realize there was anything different. |
| 512 | Well, you know what, I don't care. |
| 513 | I like it like this and I'm going to keep it. |
| 514 | You're just jealous because your hair can't do this. |
| 515 | Ow! |
| 516 | Get yourself in the tooth? |
| 517 | And the eye. |
| 518 | ( knocking at door ) |
| 519 | ( gasping ) |
| 520 | BOTH: Hi. |
| 521 | There she is. Hi, Emma. |
| 522 | Oh, my God, I missed you. |
| 523 | Oh, Emma, I missed you so much. |
| 524 | Hi. |
| 525 | Did you have a good time with Grandma Green, huh? |
| 526 | Did she give you a bottle of antidepressants again |
| 527 | to use as a rattle? |
| 528 | That was one time, Ross, |
| 529 | and they were only, like, five milligrams. |
| 530 | Ooh, hey, Emma, Daddy has some presents for you. |
| 531 | Okay, okay, I want you to wait right here. |
| 532 | Come here, sweetie. |
| 533 | Ross, um, actually there's something that, uh, |
| 534 | I really need to talk to you about. |
| 535 | Okay, shoot. |
| 536 | Okay. |
| 537 | Um, all right, here's the deal. |
| 538 | Oh, no! |
| 539 | What, what is it? |
| 540 | Oh, major shampoo explosion. |
| 541 | All right, look. |
| 542 | Uh, look, Ross, this really isn't easy. |
| 543 | Oh, it's all over everything! |
| 544 | Why? Why me? |
| 545 | Because you took 300 bottles of shampoo? |
| 546 | I'm sorry, I'm sorry. You were saying? |
| 547 | Well, yeah, okay, look. |
| 548 | It's about me and... |
| 549 | Oh, not another one! |
| 550 | Oh, my... and this moisturizer. |
| 551 | It's even harder to clean! |
| 552 | Why? Why do bad things happen to good people? |
| 553 | Wow. |
| 554 | Well, clearly this is not a good time. |
| 555 | Uh, you think?! |
| 556 | Okay, bye. |
| 557 | All right, so Mike's on his way over. |
| 558 | See, you thought you guys were meeting here |
| 559 | and he thought you were meeting at the restaurant, so, you know, |
| 560 | doesn't really matter who's right or wrong. |
| 561 | The point is... I'm going to take off. |
| 562 | Wait, no. |
| 563 | I'm not letting you leave |
| 564 | until you tell me what's going on here. |
| 565 | I mean, are you guys getting back together or something? |
| 566 | All right. |
| 567 | Susie... can I call you Susie? |
| 568 | My name is Precious. |
| 569 | I can't say that. |
| 570 | Um, Susie, I'm going to be straight with you. |
| 571 | Mike and I are back together, |
| 572 | and, um, unfortunately that effectively ends |
| 573 | your relationship with him, |
| 574 | and he's very sorry about that |
| 575 | and wishes you the best of luck in all your endeavors. |
| 576 | I just can't believe this. |
| 577 | Why? |
| 578 | Well, I don't... Why would he do this? |
| 579 | I mean, what's wrong with me? |
| 580 | Nothing, there's nothing wrong with you. |
| 581 | I mean, what the hell am I supposed to do now? |
| 582 | Damn it, woman, pull yourself together. |
| 583 | Have some pride, for the love of God! |
| 584 | ( crying ) |
| 585 | Okay, not a fan of the tough love. |
| 586 | I just can't believe |
| 587 | that Mike didn't give me any warning. |
| 588 | But he didn't really know, you know? |
| 589 | He wasn't planning on coming to Barbados |
| 590 | and proposing to me. |
| 591 | He proposed to you? |
| 592 | This is the worst birthday ever. |
| 593 | Look... Precious. |
| 594 | Mike's not worth this. |
| 595 | You're an attractive, intelligent woman, |
| 596 | and let's face it, Mike's kind of a wang. |
| 597 | And he proposed to me while he was still seeing you. |
| 598 | He was going to break up with you on your birthday? |
| 599 | And-- I don't like to kiss and tell-- |
| 600 | but he cheated on you a lot this weekend. |
| 601 | Oh, my God, you know, maybe you're right. |
| 602 | Maybe I don't need him. |
| 603 | I deserve to be treated with respect. |
| 604 | Screw you, Mike. |
| 605 | You're a coward and a bastard, |
| 606 | and I hope you rot in hell. |
| 607 | You're welcome. |
| 608 | Honey, you've been in there for a long time. |
| 609 | Is everything okay? |
| 610 | Not really. |
| 611 | I have a problem. |
| 612 | Really? |
| 613 | What happened? |
| 614 | Well, I was dancing around and singing "No Woman, No Cry," |
| 615 | and, uh... I got stuck. |
| 616 | You can't move at all? |
| 617 | Oh, I can move. |
| 618 | If I untangle you, will you please get rid of the corn rows? |
| 619 | I guess so. |
| 620 | Some of these look a little frayed. |
| 621 | Yeah, I tried to gnaw myself free. |
| 622 | Hey. |
| 623 | Hi. |
| 624 | So, did you, uh, did you tell Ross? |
| 625 | Well, I tried, |
| 626 | but then he had a shampoo-related emergency. |
| 627 | So I guess now it's your turn again. |
| 628 | No, no, no, no, no, no, no. |
| 629 | I think it's better if you tell him, you know? |
| 630 | And it's easier for a woman. |
| 631 | That way if he gets mad, all you have to do is go, |
| 632 | "I didn't mean it. |
| 633 | I'm so sorry." |
| 634 | Yeah, 'cause that's what we do. |
| 635 | All right, all right, okay. |
| 636 | Um, how about this, how about this. |
| 637 | Tomorrow... Mm-hmm. |
| 638 | Tomorrow we'll both go and we'll tell him together. |
| 639 | Okay, that sounds fair. |
| 640 | That just means though... |
| 641 | I know, I know. |
| 642 | But that's okay. |
| 643 | I mean, we can control ourselves. |
| 644 | We're not animals. |
| 645 | ( scoffs ): No. |
| 646 | Of course, we can wait. |
| 647 | All right, so I guess that means good night then. |
| 648 | Yep. Good night. |
| 649 | Good night. |
| 650 | Good night. |
| 651 | Seriously, good night. |
| 652 | Stop saying good night. |
| 653 | Okay. |
| 654 | I'm so sorry. |
| 655 | Look what I found in the drawer. |
| 656 | And you said I'd never wear this. |
| 657 | Now that I untangled you, |
| 658 | how about you do a little something for me? |
| 659 | Sure. What do you have in mind? |
| 660 | I think you know. |
| 661 | Really? |
| 662 | I don't really feel like it. |
| 663 | This is what I want to do. |
| 664 | Okay. |
| 665 | I just don't get why you like it so much. |
| 666 | She's an FBI agent posing as a beauty contestant. |
| 667 | Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org |
| 668 | |
| 1 | O-Okay, Ross, I realize that you didn't expect |
| 2 | to walk in and see that, but let me explain, okay? |
| 3 | We weren't doing anything! |
| 4 | Rach, he just saw us. |
| 5 | Shh... |
| 6 | But what you saw, that is the extent of it, okay? |
| 7 | One kiss. |
| 8 | No, come on. That is a lie. |
| 9 | We also kissed in Barbados. |
| 10 | Dude, chill! |
| 11 | Okay, we also kissed in Barbados, |
| 12 | but we didn't plan it, okay? |
| 13 | And the only reason that that happened was-was |
| 14 | because I saw you kissing Charlie. |
| 15 | Yeah, you started it! |
| 16 | I have got to chill! |
| 17 | Look, we-we probably should've talked to you about this |
| 18 | before it ever happened... but... |
| 19 | Oh, we feel so terrible about this, Ross. |
| 20 | Yeah, but it did... happen. |
| 21 | So... |
| 22 | Ross? |
| 23 | Ross? |
| 24 | Can we just close the door? |
| 25 | ♪ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ♪ |
| 26 | ♪ Your job's a joke, you're broke ♪ |
| 27 | ♪ Your love life's D.O.A. ♪ |
| 28 | ♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪ |
| 29 | ♪ When it hasn't been your day, your week ♪ |
| 30 | ♪ Your month, or even your year ♪ |
| 31 | ♪ But I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 32 | ♪ 'Cause you're there for me, too. ♪ |
| 33 | Ross, say something... |
| 34 | anything. |
| 35 | So, you two are...? |
| 36 | Yeah. Yeah. |
| 37 | And have you... had...? |
| 38 | No, no. No. |
| 39 | No, no, no, no, no. |
| 40 | But if I hadn't walked in here, would you...? |
| 41 | Probably... |
| 42 | No! No. |
| 43 | Ross, this is not |
| 44 | how we wanted you to find out about this. |
| 45 | You have every right to go nuts. |
| 46 | I'm not going nuts. |
| 47 | Do you see me going nuts? |
| 48 | No, but... you know what I mean. |
| 49 | Hey, hey, hey. |
| 50 | ( laughing ) |
| 51 | If you two are happy, then I'm happy for you. |
| 52 | I'm fine! |
| 53 | Really? |
| 54 | Absolutely. |
| 55 | ( squeaky ): I'm fine! |
| 56 | Totally fine. |
| 57 | ( laughing ): I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, |
| 58 | 'cause really... |
| 59 | ( deep-pitched ): I'm fine. |
| 60 | I'm not saying I wasn't a little surprised... |
| 61 | to... see you guys kissing. |
| 62 | I mean, at first I was like... ( screams ) |
| 63 | ...but now that I've had time to absorb it... |
| 64 | loving this. |
| 65 | Ross... |
| 66 | It's all working out. |
| 67 | Me and Charlie, and you two. |
| 68 | You know what we should do? |
| 69 | Calm ourselves? |
| 70 | No... |
| 71 | We should all have dinner. |
| 72 | Yes, we'll do it tomorrow night. |
| 73 | I'll cook! |
| 74 | Wow, uh, look, don't-don't you think |
| 75 | that'll be a little weird? |
| 76 | Weird? What? What's weird? |
| 77 | The only thing weird would be |
| 78 | if someone didn't like Mexican food |
| 79 | because I'm making fajitas! |
| 80 | I do like fajitas. |
| 81 | Oh, God, this adoption stuff is so overwhelming. |
| 82 | There's intercountry adoption, dependency adoption. |
| 83 | There's so many ways to go |
| 84 | and this is, like, the biggest decision of our lives. |
| 85 | There's a hair in my coffee. |
| 86 | Hey, guys. |
| 87 | Hey. |
| 88 | Hey, have you seen Frank Junior? |
| 89 | 'Cause he's meeting me here with the triplets. |
| 90 | You know, it's funny, every time you say "triplets," |
| 91 | I immediately think of three hot, blond, 19-year-olds. |
| 92 | That's sweet. |
| 93 | Drink your hair. |
| 94 | Hey, what's all this stuff? |
| 95 | Oh, they're brochures from different adoption agencies. |
| 96 | Ooh, babies. |
| 97 | Oh, this one is so cute. |
| 98 | Get this one. |
| 99 | That's not really how it works. |
| 100 | Oh, how does it work? |
| 101 | I don't know! |
| 102 | Well, if you're having a hard time, |
| 103 | you should talk to my friends, Bill and Pauline. |
| 104 | They adopted a kid. |
| 105 | I'm sure they'd help you. |
| 106 | MONICA: Thanks, that would be great. |
| 107 | Yeah. |
| 108 | Hey, honey, wouldn't that be great? |
| 109 | ( gagging ) |
| 110 | All right, all right, all right, remember what we talked about. |
| 111 | When we're in a public place, there are certain rules. |
| 112 | ( screaming ) |
| 113 | Those aren't the rules! |
| 114 | Hi. |
| 115 | It's good to see you. |
| 116 | It's good to see you, too. |
| 117 | Hi. Hi. How you doing? |
| 118 | They've all gotten so big. |
| 119 | Which one is which again? |
| 120 | Oh, uh, uh, uh, uh... that's, uh, Frank Junior, Jr. |
| 121 | pulling the tampons out of the lady's purse. |
| 122 | And, uh, that's, uh, Chandler |
| 123 | playing around Chandler. |
| 124 | And, uh, that's Leslie throwing bagels on him. |
| 125 | "Willing to adopt triplets?" |
| 126 | No. |
| 127 | Uh, can I just say I know we're doing this for Ross |
| 128 | and that's cool, but if it was up to me, |
| 129 | this is not what we'd be doing on our first date. |
| 130 | Well, what would we be doing? |
| 131 | I'd take you out for a romantic night-- |
| 132 | some champagne, fancy dinner... |
| 133 | feel you up on the carriage ride home. |
| 134 | Feel me up? |
| 135 | In a carriage. |
| 136 | Hey, Charlie. Hi. |
| 137 | Hi. |
| 138 | So... dreading this? |
| 139 | Oh, you bet. |
| 140 | So, did you, uh, bring a little something for Ross? |
| 141 | Actually, uh, it's some stuff you left at my apartment. |
| 142 | Oh. Oh. |
| 143 | Thanks. |
| 144 | And you know, you can just give me my stuff whenever you want. |
| 145 | Yeah, I didn't throw any of that out. |
| 146 | ( squeaky ): I thought I heard voices. |
| 147 | What...? |
| 148 | Hi, Charlie. |
| 149 | Hey, Joey. |
| 150 | Well, hey. |
| 151 | And, uh... oh, you're going to have to introduce me |
| 152 | to your new girlfriend. |
| 153 | ( laughing ) |
| 154 | I'm just kidding. |
| 155 | I know Rachel. |
| 156 | I know. |
| 157 | ( grunting indistinctly ) |
| 158 | Come. |
| 159 | Please, come in, come in. |
| 160 | Okay. Uh, well, we brought you some wine. |
| 161 | Oh... |
| 162 | That is so thoughtful. |
| 163 | She's a keeper. |
| 164 | ( laughing ) |
| 165 | Oh, and what did you bring me, huh? |
| 166 | Uh, actually, that's, uh... |
| 167 | Underwear, a toothbrush and a Van Halen CD. |
| 168 | I can use all these things! |
| 169 | Gosh, Ross, you know, you seem a little, uh... |
| 170 | What? Fine? Because I am. |
| 171 | Huh? Aren't you? Aren't you? Aren't...? |
| 172 | Who-Who else is fine? |
| 173 | Come on. |
| 174 | Okay, listen, hey, Ross, |
| 175 | why don't you, uh, try to relax, okay? |
| 176 | Maybe have a drink. |
| 177 | You know what? That is a very good idea. |
| 178 | I'm going to go make a pitcher of margaritas. |
| 179 | Oh, God... |
| 180 | So adorable. |
| 181 | Look at them sleeping there like angels. |
| 182 | Yeah, I really cherish these moments, |
| 183 | 'cause, uh... before you know it, |
| 184 | they're going to be awake again. |
| 185 | Well... they may be a handful, but they're so cute. |
| 186 | Yeah. Oh, God, last time I baby-sat them, |
| 187 | they did the funniest thing. |
| 188 | I haven't slept in four years. |
| 189 | That's a long time. |
| 190 | You just don't know how hard it is, Phoebe. |
| 191 | There's just so many of them. |
| 192 | You know, two I could handle. Two's great. |
| 193 | You just hold one in each hand. |
| 194 | But what do I do when the third one runs at me |
| 195 | with his bike helmet on? |
| 196 | I got no more hands to protect my area. |
| 197 | There's three of them, Phoebe, three. |
| 198 | Yeah, I know, Frank. |
| 199 | I counted them when they were coming out of my area. |
| 200 | Sometimes I think that I... |
| 201 | Oh, no, no, no, I can't say it. |
| 202 | It's too horrible, no. |
| 203 | What? |
| 204 | ( mumbling ): No, no, I can't. |
| 205 | Oh, my God, Frank, are you thinking of leaving? |
| 206 | Because I didn't have those triplets |
| 207 | so you could just run out on them. |
| 208 | Oh, no, I would never do that. No. |
| 209 | I just was thinking that, you know, |
| 210 | maybe you could take one. |
| 211 | What?! |
| 212 | You can't separate them. |
| 213 | That's terrible. |
| 214 | Which one? |
| 215 | Thank you so much for seeing us. |
| 216 | Phoebe has told us such great things about you guys. |
| 217 | Oh, please, we're happy to help. |
| 218 | We went through the same thing when we were adopting. |
| 219 | So, a lot of malfunctioning wee-wees and hoo-hoos in this room, huh? |
| 220 | I mean, you have a lovely home. |
| 221 | Well, we appreciate anything you can tell us. |
| 222 | Well, actually, I think this might help. |
| 223 | It's pretty much all the information you need. |
| 224 | Oh, my God. |
| 225 | Everything is broken down into categories |
| 226 | and then cross-referenced... and then color-coded |
| 227 | to correspond with the forms in the back. |
| 228 | Thank you. |
| 229 | I think I just had a tiny orgasm. |
| 230 | I know the process is frustrating, |
| 231 | but it's so worth it. |
| 232 | Adopting Owen was the best thing that ever happened to us. |
| 233 | That's great. |
| 234 | Can I see the book? |
| 235 | You want me to wash my hands first, don't you? |
| 236 | Well, it's just so pretty and white. |
| 237 | Bathroom is down the hall to your left. |
| 238 | I would've told him to do it, too. |
| 239 | Can I adopt you? |
| 240 | Hey, you must be Owen. |
| 241 | Yeah. |
| 242 | I'm Chandler. |
| 243 | Hey, I was in the Scouts, too. |
| 244 | You were? |
| 245 | Yeah. In fact, my father was a den mother. |
| 246 | Huh? |
| 247 | You know how to use a compass? |
| 248 | I have a badge in it. |
| 249 | You do? That's fantastic. |
| 250 | You want to see it? |
| 251 | I'd love to, but I got to get back to talking your parents. |
| 252 | They're telling us all about |
| 253 | how they adopted you. |
| 254 | What? |
| 255 | What? |
| 256 | I'm adopted? |
| 257 | I got nothing. |
| 258 | Well, that first batch of margaritas |
| 259 | was not so great, |
| 260 | but this second batch is good. |
| 261 | Well, maybe the next batch, we could all get some. |
| 262 | Oh, God, this is fun, isn't it, you know? |
| 263 | Just the four us, just hanging. |
| 264 | Dude, are you okay? |
| 265 | And when are the fajitas going to be ready? |
| 266 | I'm fine, okay? |
| 267 | I'm great. |
| 268 | I'm just, I'm just proud of us, you know? |
| 269 | There's no weirdness, no tension. |
| 270 | No awareness. |
| 271 | You know, we make a great foursome. |
| 272 | We should do more stuff together. |
| 273 | ( gasps ) |
| 274 | Let's take a trip. |
| 275 | Okay, where do you think |
| 276 | we-we can go? |
| 277 | ( dinging ) My fajitas! |
| 278 | Look, Charlie. |
| 279 | I just want you to know, |
| 280 | Ross is just having a little trouble |
| 281 | adjusting to the thought of Joey and me. |
| 282 | You know, he normally doesn't drink like this. |
| 283 | Oh, you know what, this is nothing. |
| 284 | My father is a raging alcoholic. |
| 285 | Oh, I'm sorry. |
| 286 | Have I made this evening uncomfortable? |
| 287 | Fajitas! |
| 288 | Be careful, very hot plate. Very hot. |
| 289 | Ross, you don't even have oven mitts on. |
| 290 | ( chuckles ) |
| 291 | That is going to hurt tomorrow. |
| 292 | Okay, well, this is crazy. |
| 293 | We can't seriously be talking |
| 294 | about me taking one of your kids, can we? |
| 295 | Oh, no, of course we're not. |
| 296 | It's insane. |
| 297 | I know. |
| 298 | Alice would never go for it, right? |
| 299 | I don't know. She's pretty tired, too. |
| 300 | I think we could get her on board. |
| 301 | Well, just, you know, for argument's sake, |
| 302 | you know, hypothetically, |
| 303 | which one would you be willing to give up? |
| 304 | Huh... |
| 305 | Frank Junior Jr. |
| 306 | Uh, you'd be getting a really good one. |
| 307 | I mean, you know, he's really funny. |
| 308 | Like, the other day, he made up this joke. |
| 309 | What's green and says, "Hey, I'm a frog"? |
| 310 | ( laughs ): A talking frog. |
| 311 | Oh, no, you can't have him. He's too funny. |
| 312 | Well, all right, that's fine. |
| 313 | What about, um, Leslie? |
| 314 | Oh, no, no, not Leslie, no. |
| 315 | She's, she's the only one that knows how to burp the alphabet. |
| 316 | All right, so that leaves Chandler. |
| 317 | Oh, no, you can't have Chandler. |
| 318 | No, no, no, no. |
| 319 | She's my little genius. |
| 320 | I got big hopes for her. |
| 321 | She's going to be a doctor or... Realtor. |
| 322 | Wow, Frank, I think we just ran out of kids. |
| 323 | Oh, I think you're right. |
| 324 | Oh, wow. |
| 325 | Phoebe, I don't think I can give one of them up. |
| 326 | I mean, you know, they drive me crazy, |
| 327 | but they're my babies. |
| 328 | I'm sorry, Frank, I didn't realize things were so bad. |
| 329 | You know, I'll help out more. |
| 330 | I can baby-sit any time you want. |
| 331 | You name the day and I'll be there. |
| 332 | How 'bout tomorrow? |
| 333 | Well, that's not good. |
| 334 | But, you know, |
| 335 | I can move some stuff around and I'll be there. |
| 336 | You and Alice just take the whole day together. |
| 337 | You'd do that for us? |
| 338 | Are you kidding? That's what sisters are for. |
| 339 | Oh... |
| 340 | Oh, look at them. |
| 341 | I love you so much. |
| 342 | Oh, crap, don't wake up. Don't wake up. |
| 343 | Where are Bill and Colleen? |
| 344 | They're in the kitchen getting us something to eat. |
| 345 | Can you believe how nice they are? |
| 346 | We have to leave. |
| 347 | Why? What did you do in the bathroom? |
| 348 | I didn't get to the bathroom. |
| 349 | I bumped into Owen on the way, |
| 350 | and he didn't know he was adopted. |
| 351 | And there's a slight chance I may have told him. |
| 352 | Oh, my God. Where's my purse? |
| 353 | No, you know what, I can replace everything in there. |
| 354 | Get that binder and let's go. |
| 355 | Hey. |
| 356 | BILL: Some little snacks |
| 357 | for everybody. |
| 358 | Oh, you don't have to eat the sour worms. |
| 359 | Those are for Owen. |
| 360 | COLLEEN: I'll go get him in a second. |
| 361 | By the way, you should know, |
| 362 | we haven't told him he's adopted yet. |
| 363 | But kids are so intuitive. |
| 364 | Don't you think on some level he already knows? |
| 365 | I'm adopted?! |
| 366 | See, intuitive. |
| 367 | What? |
| 368 | Where did you hear that? |
| 369 | He told me. |
| 370 | And he paid me $50 not to tell. |
| 371 | Which technically now you should give back. |
| 372 | You told him he's adopted? |
| 373 | I'm so sorry, but you should have |
| 374 | a sign out there or something. |
| 375 | Or at least whisper it to people |
| 376 | when they come in the door. |
| 377 | ( whispering ): Owen doesn't know he's adopted. |
| 378 | And he also thinks Santa is real. |
| 379 | He isn't? |
| 380 | We have to get out of here, baby. |
| 381 | Everyone, I would like to make a toast. |
| 382 | To Rachel and Joey. |
| 383 | Oy. |
| 384 | And... |
| 385 | to love. |
| 386 | Ah, love. |
| 387 | L-O-V-E, love. |
| 388 | "L" is for life. |
| 389 | And what is life without love? |
| 390 | Oh, my God. Are we supposed to answer? |
| 391 | "O" is for... |
| 392 | "Oh, wow." |
| 393 | The "V" is for this very surprising turn of events. |
| 394 | Which I am still fine with, by the way. |
| 395 | ( screeching ): "E..." |
| 396 | is for how extremely normal I find it |
| 397 | that you two... |
| 398 | are together. |
| 399 | And that one day you might get married. |
| 400 | And have children of your own. |
| 401 | Dude, are you okay? |
| 402 | Totally. |
| 403 | Ross, you don't seem okay. |
| 404 | I'm sorry. It must be the pressure of entertaining. |
| 405 | I think everyone would feel better if we had some flan. |
| 406 | Wait, Ross. |
| 407 | Ross, I, um, I have to take off. |
| 408 | No. I'm sorry. |
| 409 | I have a really early class in the morning. |
| 410 | This has been lovely. |
| 411 | Wasn't it? |
| 412 | And you thought it would be awkward with Joey, |
| 413 | and that you never really liked Rachel. |
| 414 | You are on fire. |
| 415 | I'll call you in the morning, okay? |
| 416 | Okay. All right. |
| 417 | Oh, God, Rachel, what Ross just said, this is just... |
| 418 | Oh, that's okay. Girls tend not to like me. |
| 419 | Bye. |
| 420 | Okay, I guess it's just flan for three. |
| 421 | Hey... hey, that rhymes. |
| 422 | You know what, Ross? |
| 423 | I think we're going to take off, too. |
| 424 | Oh, oh... |
| 425 | of course. |
| 426 | God, I'm so stupid. |
| 427 | You guys are a couple now. |
| 428 | I mean, you probably just want to be alone. |
| 429 | No, no, it's just it's getting late... |
| 430 | Hey, hey, hey. It's fine. |
| 431 | It's totally fine. |
| 432 | I've got plenty of margaritas. |
| 433 | It's all good. |
| 434 | ( dinging ) |
| 435 | I don't even know what that's for. |
| 436 | You know what? |
| 437 | I think I'm going to stay here |
| 438 | and make sure he's okay. |
| 439 | Yeah, that's probably a good idea. |
| 440 | Just, I'll see you in the morning. |
| 441 | Uh-huh. Okay. |
| 442 | Hey, you know, Joey, |
| 443 | I don't think he's ever going to be okay with this. |
| 444 | Doesn't look good, does it? |
| 445 | JOEY: Morning. |
| 446 | Here you go. |
| 447 | Thanks. |
| 448 | Did you, you stay here all night? |
| 449 | Yeah. |
| 450 | So you took off my pants and shoes? |
| 451 | No, no, no, no. |
| 452 | You actually did that |
| 453 | when you were dancing to the Chicago soundtrack. |
| 454 | Look, uh, Ross, about, about Rachel and I. |
| 455 | Listen, you don't have to worry about that, okay, |
| 456 | because nothing's going to happen. |
| 457 | What do you mean? |
| 458 | Well, she and I said from the beginning |
| 459 | that we weren't going to do anything |
| 460 | unless you were okay with it. |
| 461 | And clearly... |
| 462 | What are you talking about? I'm fine. |
| 463 | It's okay, Ross. |
| 464 | You know, I, I totally understand. |
| 465 | Of course you're not fine. |
| 466 | You're... |
| 467 | You're Ross and Rachel. |
| 468 | Yeah, except we're not. |
| 469 | I mean, we haven't been a couple in, like... |
| 470 | six years. |
| 471 | Oh, my God, is that right? |
| 472 | Has it been that long? |
| 473 | That's what I hear, yeah. |
| 474 | This is crazy. |
| 475 | I mean, six years, and because of me |
| 476 | you guys aren't going to be together? |
| 477 | Can I ask you something? |
| 478 | Really, what... |
| 479 | what is this thing with you and Rachel? |
| 480 | Come on, I mean, you know me. |
| 481 | ( chuckling ): You know... |
| 482 | Joey. |
| 483 | I'm crazy about her. |
| 484 | And she feels the same way? |
| 485 | I think so. |
| 486 | Well, then, maybe it's time we all moved on. |
| 487 | Yeah, but, Ross, I mean, you're not okay with it. |
| 488 | No, but... I want to be. |
| 489 | And, hey, I will be. |
| 490 | Besides, I'm with Charlie, right? |
| 491 | Oh, my God. |
| 492 | I'm still with Charlie, aren't I? |
| 493 | I mean, she didn't see the dance, did she? |
| 494 | No, no, no. |
| 495 | No, that was, uh, that was just for me. |
| 496 | Are you, uh, are you sure about this? |
| 497 | Yeah, I'm sure. |
| 498 | And... we're okay? |
| 499 | ( chuckles ) |
| 500 | ( gasps ) |
| 501 | Hey, Pheebs, |
| 502 | um, we just want to give you a heads-up. |
| 503 | Bill and Colleen hate us. |
| 504 | Owen didn't know he was adopted |
| 505 | and Monica told him. |
| 506 | What? |
| 507 | Still, he had to find out sometime. |
| 508 | Yeah, but how would you like it |
| 509 | if someone told the triplets that you gave birth to them? |
| 510 | I'm going to go tell Emma she was an accident. |
| 511 | Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org |
| 512 | |
| 1 | So, you and Rachel tonight, huh? |
| 2 | Yeah, yeah. |
| 3 | It's actually our first official date. |
| 4 | Wow, so tonight may be the night. |
| 5 | You nervous? |
| 6 | Nah. No. |
| 7 | This is the part I'm actually good at. |
| 8 | What must it be like |
| 9 | not to be crippled by fear and self-loathing? |
| 10 | It's okay. |
| 11 | How can you be so confident? |
| 12 | Well, I-I know exactly what I'm going to do. |
| 13 | Really, like you have a routine? |
| 14 | No, no, no, no, no. |
| 15 | See, each woman is different. |
| 16 | You have to appreciate their uniqueness. |
| 17 | Really? |
| 18 | No, I do six things. |
| 19 | First, I look deep into her eyes, |
| 20 | then I kiss her. |
| 21 | Next, I take my hand, and I softly graze her thigh. |
| 22 | You mean, like this? |
| 23 | No, not like that. |
| 24 | No. No, like this. |
| 25 | Ah, I see what you mean. |
| 26 | That's quite nice. |
| 27 | ( clearing throat): Foosball? |
| 28 | And beer. |
| 29 | Yeah. |
| 30 | ♪ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ♪ |
| 31 | ♪ Your job's a joke, you're broke ♪ |
| 32 | ♪ Your love life's D.O.A. ♪ |
| 33 | ♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪ |
| 34 | ♪ When it hasn't been your day, your week ♪ |
| 35 | ♪ Your month, or even your year ♪ |
| 36 | ♪ But I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 37 | ♪ When the rain starts to fall ♪ |
| 38 | ♪ I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 39 | ♪ Like I've been there before ♪ |
| 40 | ♪ I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 41 | ♪ 'Cause you're there for me, too. ♪ |
| 42 | Hey. |
| 43 | Hey. Hey. |
| 44 | Hey, sweetie. |
| 45 | Wow. |
| 46 | Hey, stop staring at my wife's legs. |
| 47 | No, no. |
| 48 | Stop staring at your sister's legs. |
| 49 | I'm sorry, it's just... |
| 50 | How'd you get so tan? |
| 51 | She went to one of those spray-on tan places. |
| 52 | You got a spray-on tan? |
| 53 | Chandler gets pedicures. |
| 54 | Wh-What, you do? |
| 55 | Like with the-the toe separators? |
| 56 | Why? W-Why? |
| 57 | Still, I can't believe that's sprayed on. |
| 58 | I mean, it looks really good. |
| 59 | I wonder if I should get one. |
| 60 | Sure, and then you should get a miniskirt |
| 61 | so you can really show it off. |
| 62 | So do you get colors or just French tips? |
| 63 | Here. |
| 64 | Here's their card. |
| 65 | Thanks. |
| 66 | Hey, I know where this place is. |
| 67 | It used to be an X-rated video... |
| 68 | Florist. |
| 69 | Hey. |
| 70 | Hey, Pheebs. Hey, Phoebe. |
| 71 | Oh, you won't believe who moved back to town. |
| 72 | I know, Amanda. |
| 73 | She called me, too. |
| 74 | She's the worst. |
| 75 | Who's Amanda? |
| 76 | She's this girl who used to live |
| 77 | in the building before you did. |
| 78 | And then she moved to England, |
| 79 | and she picked up this fake British accent. |
| 80 | On the machine, this is her message: |
| 81 | ( strange accent ): "Monica, darling, it's Amanda calling." |
| 82 | Are you trying to do a British accent? |
| 83 | Chandler gets pedicures. |
| 84 | Just so I know, how many more of those can I expect? |
| 85 | So you know what Amanda said to me |
| 86 | when she got me on the phone? |
| 87 | ( British accent ): "Oh, so sorry to catch you |
| 88 | on your mobile." |
| 89 | If you... if you didn't want to get me on my mobile, |
| 90 | then don't call me on my mobile. |
| 91 | I know. |
| 92 | And she's always bragging |
| 93 | about all the famous people she's met. |
| 94 | Oh, I know. |
| 95 | ( accent ): "Uh, I slept with Billy Joel." |
| 96 | All right, who hasn't? |
| 97 | Oh, what are we going to do? |
| 98 | I don't want to see her. |
| 99 | Oh, let's just cut her out. |
| 100 | What? |
| 101 | Cut her out of our lives. |
| 102 | Just ignore her calls and dodge her till she gets the point. |
| 103 | Well, I-I guess we could try that, |
| 104 | but it seems so harsh. |
| 105 | Have you ever done that? |
| 106 | Nope, had it done to me, though. |
| 107 | Feels good. |
| 108 | All right, Mr. Geller, right this way. |
| 109 | So, how dark do you want to be? |
| 110 | We have one, two or three. |
| 111 | Well, uh, I like how you look. What are you? |
| 112 | Puerto Rican. |
| 113 | Two, I think a two. |
| 114 | You're going to face the red light. |
| 115 | When the red light goes on, the spray's about to start, |
| 116 | so close your eyes. |
| 117 | When the spraying stops, count to five. |
| 118 | Pat yourself down to avoid drip marks, |
| 119 | then turn around so we can get your back. |
| 120 | You got it? |
| 121 | Spray, count, pat and turn. |
| 122 | Spray, count and pat. |
| 123 | Wow, you catch on quick. |
| 124 | Well, I have a Ph.D, so... |
| 125 | One Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Miss... |
| 126 | Wait! Wait! |
| 127 | I'm not... I'm not finished counting! |
| 128 | You sprayed my front twice! |
| 129 | You never turned? |
| 130 | No, I barely even got to three Mississippi. |
| 131 | Mississippi? |
| 132 | I said count to five. |
| 133 | Mississippi-lessly? |
| 134 | Well, how-how bad is it? |
| 135 | Not that bad, yet, |
| 136 | but it keeps getting darker for the next four hours. |
| 137 | So, how dark is it going to get? |
| 138 | Well, you got sprayed with two two's and... |
| 139 | I'm a four? |
| 140 | Yeah, but your back's a zero. |
| 141 | You're going to want to even that out. |
| 142 | Really? |
| 143 | You might want to get back in there. |
| 144 | Oh, okay. |
| 145 | Wait, wait a minute. |
| 146 | There's no light on the back wall. |
| 147 | How do I know when it's going to start? |
| 148 | Hello? |
| 149 | Ow! My eye! Ow, ah... |
| 150 | Ah! |
| 151 | ( spitting ) |
| 152 | ( grunting ) |
| 153 | The same thing happened again. |
| 154 | You got two more two's? |
| 155 | I'm an eight! |
| 156 | Thanks for dinner. |
| 157 | I thought you paid. |
| 158 | Huh, guess we won't be going back there. |
| 159 | ( chuckles ) |
| 160 | So... |
| 161 | Yeah. |
| 162 | Hey, what do you say |
| 163 | we, uh, move this onto the likes of the couch? |
| 164 | I say, cheesy line, but okay. |
| 165 | What's the matter? |
| 166 | I-I-I don't know. I'm sorry. |
| 167 | I don't know why I did that. |
| 168 | Okay. Okay. |
| 169 | Sorry. |
| 170 | I'm sorry. Again. |
| 171 | I don't know... don't know what happened. |
| 172 | I must be nervous. |
| 173 | I don't get it. Chandler loved it. |
| 174 | Okay. |
| 175 | I promise, I promise, I promise. |
| 176 | I won't do it again, I really do, I promise. |
| 177 | This is going to be great. |
| 178 | Okay. |
| 179 | Okay. |
| 180 | Uh, w-was that good for you? |
| 181 | ( phone ringing ) |
| 182 | No, no, don't get it. |
| 183 | Let the machine pick up. |
| 184 | Oh, yeah, it could be Rachel |
| 185 | asking if someone could baby-sit again. |
| 186 | It could be Amanda. |
| 187 | Oh, you're right. Oh! |
| 188 | I was just kidding about Rachel. |
| 189 | Baby-sitting's a gas. |
| 190 | AMANDA ( on machine ): Hello, Monica. |
| 191 | It's Amanda calling again. |
| 192 | I'm in the neighborhood hoping I could |
| 193 | pop by your flat. |
| 194 | You're from Yonkers! |
| 195 | Your last name is Bouvamonteezy. |
| 196 | Let's see. |
| 197 | So should you get this directly, |
| 198 | ring me back on my mobile. |
| 199 | Okay, don't hold thy breath. |
| 200 | ( dialing ) |
| 201 | CHANDLER: Hello? Is someone on the line? |
| 202 | AMANDA: Yes, I-I was looking for Monica. |
| 203 | CHANDLER: Hang on. |
| 204 | She's right here. |
| 205 | Someone's on the phone for you. |
| 206 | We weren't picking up. It's Amanda. |
| 207 | I get pedicures. |
| 208 | Hi, Amanda. |
| 209 | Uh... actually, now is-is not a good time. |
| 210 | Dinner tomorrow night? |
| 211 | Okay, Phoebe and I will see you then. |
| 212 | Why? Why? Why didn't you just say no? |
| 213 | Well, I said no to her coming over now. |
| 214 | I couldn't say no twice. |
| 215 | I've got this uncontrollable need to please people. |
| 216 | Fine. Fine. |
| 217 | You would not hold up well under torture. |
| 218 | Oh, and you would? |
| 219 | I did. |
| 220 | Uh... Rach, are you sure you want to do this? |
| 221 | Absolutely. Absolutely. I... it's just |
| 222 | a little weird-- it's you, and it's me. |
| 223 | It's just going to take some getting used to. Okay. |
| 224 | Okay, well, uh... |
| 225 | h-how can we make it easier? |
| 226 | Okay, let's work from the top down. |
| 227 | Just work the bra, Joe! |
| 228 | Okay, got it, yeah. Okay. |
| 229 | Absolutely. All right. |
| 230 | Mm. |
| 231 | Okay. Okay, uh... |
| 232 | Mm. |
| 233 | This thing welded shut? Okay. |
| 234 | All right. |
| 235 | Turn around-- I got to get a look at this thing. |
| 236 | ( sighs ): Okay. |
| 237 | ( snaps ) |
| 238 | Ow! |
| 239 | Sorry. |
| 240 | Well, this is romantic. |
| 241 | ( sighs ): I'm sorry! |
| 242 | This had never happened to me before. |
| 243 | I'm an expert at taking off bras. |
| 244 | I can do it with one hand. |
| 245 | I can do it with my eyes closed. |
| 246 | One time, I just looked at one, and it popped open. |
| 247 | I blame your bra. |
| 248 | It's a standard issue bra clasp. |
| 249 | Well, then, I blame you. Yeah. |
| 250 | That's right. You threw me off with all your slappin'. |
| 251 | Okay, look... |
| 252 | Well, I'm really... I'm sorry about that, Joey, |
| 253 | but do you think maybe on-on some level, |
| 254 | you-you... you don't want to take off my bra? |
| 255 | No, I don't have another level! |
| 256 | CHANDLER: Hold on. |
| 257 | There's something different. |
| 258 | I went to that |
| 259 | tanning place your wife suggested. |
| 260 | Was that place... the sun? |
| 261 | Oh. And it gets worse. |
| 262 | Oh, my God, you can do a duet |
| 263 | of "Ebony and Ivory" all by yourself. |
| 264 | How could you mess this up? |
| 265 | It's so easy. |
| 266 | You go into the booth, you count to five, |
| 267 | and you turn around. |
| 268 | How do you count to five? |
| 269 | One, two, three... |
| 270 | Damn it! |
| 271 | ( gasps ) |
| 272 | I know! |
| 273 | ( laughs ) |
| 274 | Oh, what is up with Miss Hawaiian Tropic? |
| 275 | How was your date with Joey? |
| 276 | Well, |
| 277 | it was... good |
| 278 | until we got back to our apartment, |
| 279 | and then we were fooling around, |
| 280 | and he started to put his hand up my leg, |
| 281 | and I kept slapping it away. |
| 282 | You didn't like that? |
| 283 | Well, it wasn't just me, |
| 284 | all right? |
| 285 | He freaked out, too. |
| 286 | He couldn't even undo my bra. |
| 287 | Wow, really? |
| 288 | One time he just looked at my bar, and it popped open. |
| 289 | I do not know what's wrong with us. |
| 290 | I mean, we-we've kissed before, and that's been great. |
| 291 | But this time it was leading somewhere, |
| 292 | and I was very aware of the fact that it was Joey touching me. |
| 293 | Well, you guys have been friends forever. |
| 294 | Remember the first time that you kissed Ross, |
| 295 | how weird that was? |
| 296 | Mm-hmm. You couldn't stop laughing? |
| 297 | You got through that. |
| 298 | Mm-hmm. Okay. |
| 299 | That's true. That's true. |
| 300 | We can do this. |
| 301 | You're right, you're right, we can do this. |
| 302 | We're just going to power through. |
| 303 | Hey. Ah, Chandler, can I talk to you for a second? |
| 304 | No need, problem solved-- |
| 305 | we are powering through. |
| 306 | Chandler, stop. |
| 307 | It's not going to pop open. |
| 308 | You don't know. |
| 309 | Hi, Phoebe. |
| 310 | Hey. |
| 311 | Okay. Is Amanda here yet? |
| 312 | No. Oh, good. |
| 313 | Hey, look, I am so sorry |
| 314 | for screwing up that cutting-her-out plan, |
| 315 | but I have a new plan. |
| 316 | Chandler agreed to call here |
| 317 | in a few minutes with an emergency. |
| 318 | Oh, well, okay, what kind of emergency gets us both out of here? |
| 319 | Well, what do you think of Mike and Chandler |
| 320 | being in a car accident? |
| 321 | Are you kidding? I love it! |
| 322 | Here she comes. |
| 323 | Hi! Hi! |
| 324 | ( laughing ) |
| 325 | Hello! Hi! |
| 326 | It's so nice to see you. |
| 327 | Both of you, look at me. |
| 328 | Look how young I look. |
| 329 | Oh, gosh, we have so much to catch up on. |
| 330 | But first things first. |
| 331 | Touch my abs. |
| 332 | I don't exercise at all. |
| 333 | Oh, gosh. So Monica, you're married. |
| 334 | Yeah. Yeah, his name is Chandler, and he's... |
| 335 | Oh, smell my neck. |
| 336 | It's not perfume, it's me! |
| 337 | It's my natural scent. |
| 338 | M-Musty. |
| 339 | Oh... |
| 340 | Gosh, this is brilliant. |
| 341 | Gosh, it's just like old times. |
| 342 | I'm so happy you two are friends again. |
| 343 | When were we not friends? |
| 344 | Well, it was 1992, and I remember, |
| 345 | because that was the year I had sex with Evel Knievel. |
| 346 | ( giggling ) |
| 347 | Oh... uh, we were friends in 1992. |
| 348 | No, I distinctly remember you were dodging her calls |
| 349 | and trying to avoid seeing her. |
| 350 | Wait, you were going to cut me out? |
| 351 | Well, kind of. |
| 352 | Oh, my God. |
| 353 | Oh, bugger. Should I not have said that? |
| 354 | Oh! I feel like a perfect arse! |
| 355 | Well, in America you're just an ass. |
| 356 | Oh. |
| 357 | ( cell phone ringing ) |
| 358 | Hello? |
| 359 | Chandler, what's wrong? |
| 360 | Oh, my God, are you all right? |
| 361 | Uh, yeah. I'll be right there. |
| 362 | Oh, I'm so sorry, |
| 363 | but Chandler was in a car accident. |
| 364 | Oh. |
| 365 | Oh, my God! Yeah. |
| 366 | Was Mike with him? |
| 367 | Nope! |
| 368 | Hey! RACHEL: Hey! |
| 369 | Got champagne? |
| 370 | Yes, ma'am. Ready to power through. |
| 371 | Excellent! Okay, stick it in the ice bucket, |
| 372 | the phone is off the hook, |
| 373 | and in the interest of powering through... |
| 374 | Ooh... ooh! |
| 375 | Okay, |
| 376 | sexy, sexy. |
| 377 | Very sexy, sexy... |
| 378 | All right, let's do it! |
| 379 | Okay, okay, you're scaring me a little bit. |
| 380 | Oh, get over it, soldier, we gotta do this! |
| 381 | Okay. |
| 382 | Okay, ha-ha, you like that, huh? |
| 383 | ( mischievous chuckling): Oh, yeah! |
| 384 | You like that? |
| 385 | Let's kick this into high gear, huh? |
| 386 | Oh, oh! |
| 387 | Ooh! |
| 388 | Yeah, baby, I'll show you how we do it. |
| 389 | ( whimpering ): No, no, no! You kneed me in my misters! |
| 390 | What? |
| 391 | Oh, my God! I'm so sorry. |
| 392 | Joey... are you okay? |
| 393 | ( voice cracking ): Soldier down! |
| 394 | We are not friends with Phoebe anymore. |
| 395 | If she asks, I protested a little, but... okay. |
| 396 | ( door opens ) |
| 397 | Oh, Chandler, thank God you're alive. |
| 398 | Monica, can I talk to you outside for a minute? |
| 399 | I have nothing to say to you. |
| 400 | Wow, my flat is twice this size. Ooh. |
| 401 | Please, Monica, in the hall? |
| 402 | Ooh, that accident must have been terrible! |
| 403 | You look positively ghastly. |
| 404 | Well, aren't you a treat? |
| 405 | I can't believe you tried to cut me out. |
| 406 | Why, Phoebe, why? |
| 407 | It was... it was right after we were living together, |
| 408 | and you were driving me crazy. |
| 409 | Okay, you were really controlling and compulsive |
| 410 | and shrill. |
| 411 | Well, I'm still all those things! |
| 412 | You're also so generous and kind and scrappy. |
| 413 | I am scrappy. |
| 414 | Exactly. |
| 415 | L-Look, no matter what I tried to do, |
| 416 | I couldn't keep you out of my life. |
| 417 | Of all the people I've cut out, |
| 418 | you were the only one who ever clawed her way back in. |
| 419 | That's because I'm scrappy. |
| 420 | Yeah, you are, |
| 421 | and I'm so glad that you fought your way back in, |
| 422 | because I don't know what I would do without you. |
| 423 | Well, I don't know what I would do without you. |
| 424 | Ah... |
| 425 | ( Phoebe chuckles ) |
| 426 | Well, I guess we should go back in. |
| 427 | I mean, you gave me another chance. |
| 428 | I guess we should do the same for Amanda. |
| 429 | Yeah, I guess you're right. |
| 430 | All right. |
| 431 | Can you believe it? |
| 432 | I've never had any professional dance training. |
| 433 | Now, let me explain how this works. |
| 434 | You go into the booth, and you push the... |
| 435 | I'm going to stop you right there, Linda. |
| 436 | Okay? |
| 437 | Does it look like this is my first time? Huh? |
| 438 | Now, I want four two's, and I want 'em all on my back. |
| 439 | Okay. |
| 440 | Wait a minute. |
| 441 | There's two sets of nozzles! |
| 442 | Which one is it?! |
| 443 | Which-which-which-which one is it? |
| 444 | Oh... |
| 445 | son of a bitch! |
| 446 | What is the matter with us? |
| 447 | Well, I know what's the matter with me. |
| 448 | No... |
| 449 | No, I mean with us, you know? |
| 450 | I mean, is it supposed to be this... |
| 451 | difficult? |
| 452 | ( sighs softly ) |
| 453 | I don't know. |
| 454 | That fake British woman's a real bitch, but she sure can dance. |
| 455 | Hey. |
| 456 | Hi. |
| 457 | Hey, listen, can we ask you a question? |
| 458 | When you and Monica first hooked up, |
| 459 | was it weird going from friends to... more than that? |
| 460 | Kind of. You know, sneaking around, |
| 461 | having to hide from you guys. |
| 462 | RACHEL: No, no, no. |
| 463 | No, I mean... sexually. |
| 464 | Yeah, uh-uh, was there a part of you that-that felt like |
| 465 | it was... really wrong? |
| 466 | Actually, no. |
| 467 | No, it felt right, you know? |
| 468 | It felt like, uh, |
| 469 | "I can't believe we haven't been doing this the whole time." |
| 470 | I can tell |
| 471 | from your expressions |
| 472 | that's the good news you were hoping for. |
| 473 | Well, I'm going to go continue to spread the joy. |
| 474 | ( sighs ) |
| 475 | Well, just because it happened that way for them |
| 476 | doesn't mean it has to happen that way for us. |
| 477 | Yeah, yeah, absolutely. |
| 478 | I mean, just because something's difficult |
| 479 | doesn't mean that you quit. |
| 480 | Right, totally. |
| 481 | Yeah. And so we'll just |
| 482 | keep trying and trying |
| 483 | until we... do it. |
| 484 | Yeah, and if it doesn't work, |
| 485 | then we'll just be one of those couples |
| 486 | that never has sex. |
| 487 | ( weakly ): That's a plan. |
| 488 | ( sighs ) |
| 489 | Wow... |
| 490 | I did not see this coming. |
| 491 | I know. |
| 492 | I... I don't get it. |
| 493 | I mean, |
| 494 | I was so sure this was what I wanted. |
| 495 | Mm-hmm. |
| 496 | Me, too. |
| 497 | ( sighs contentedly ) |
| 498 | Well, how come Monica and Chandler could do it? |
| 499 | I guess they weren't as good friends as we are. |
| 500 | Wow. |
| 501 | I bet you're right. |
| 502 | Mm. |
| 503 | So... |
| 504 | Yeah. |
| 505 | I love ya. |
| 506 | Love ya, too. |
| 507 | All right, I'm going to bed. |
| 508 | Yeah, me, too. |
| 509 | ( groaning ): Ooh, yeah. |
| 510 | I'm not going anywhere for a while. |
| 511 | ( knocking ) Dude, it's Chandler. |
| 512 | Let me in. Go away. |
| 513 | I don't want to see anybody. |
| 514 | I know. |
| 515 | I went to the tanning place, |
| 516 | and the same thing happened to me. |
| 517 | You have to let me in. |
| 518 | Really?! |
| 519 | Did you count Mississippily? |
| 520 | You-you're not tanned. |
| 521 | No, I just had to get a picture of this. |
| 522 | ( laughing ): I'll see you later. |
| 523 | Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org |
| 524 | |
| 1 | Hey, guys. |
| 2 | Hey. Honey, I got us that room |
| 3 | at the Woodford Inn this weekend. |
| 4 | That place in Vermont? |
| 5 | You can take a hint! |
| 6 | Wait, you can't go away this weekend. |
| 7 | It's Emma's birthday. Yeah. |
| 8 | We're having a party. |
| 9 | Well, can't you just have the party when we get back? |
| 10 | No. No. |
| 11 | Then it won't be her real birthday. |
| 12 | Gee, if only she were one and had no idea |
| 13 | what the hell a birthday was. |
| 14 | Come on, you guys, this is really important to us. |
| 15 | Well, I'm sorry, |
| 16 | but Chandler and I could really use a weekend away, |
| 17 | you know, to reconnect emotionally. |
| 18 | There's this thing I really want us to do. |
| 19 | I read about it in Maxim. |
| 20 | Well, can't you just go to Vermont the next day? |
| 21 | Yeah, we want everyone to be there, |
| 22 | as much as I hate to delay |
| 23 | your doing weird sex stuff to my little sister. |
| 24 | RACHEL: And I mean, you know, |
| 25 | you guys, this is a big deal. |
| 26 | I mean, how can we have her first birthday party |
| 27 | without her aunt and her uncle? |
| 28 | All right, we'll stay. |
| 29 | We can just drive up after the party. |
| 30 | Fine. But if we end up |
| 31 | not doing this Maxim thing because of this party... |
| 32 | Believe me, that is not why we won't be doing that. |
| 33 | ♪ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ♪ |
| 34 | ♪ Your job's a joke, you're broke ♪ |
| 35 | ♪ Your love life's D.O.A. ♪ |
| 36 | ♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪ |
| 37 | ♪ When it hasn't been your day, your week ♪ |
| 38 | ♪ Your month, or even your year ♪ |
| 39 | ♪ But I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 40 | ♪ 'Cause you're there for me, too. ♪ |
| 41 | You know, Pheebs, when I was little, |
| 42 | on my birthday, my daddy would hide a present |
| 43 | in every room of the house. |
| 44 | And then he would draw a treasure map |
| 45 | to help me find them all. |
| 46 | Oh. I love family traditions like that. |
| 47 | When, um... when Ursula and I were kids, |
| 48 | on our birthday, our stepdad would sell his blood |
| 49 | to buy us food. |
| 50 | Hey, you guys. |
| 51 | Hi. Hey. |
| 52 | Hi. I brought the camera for Emma's video. |
| 53 | Oh, good, good. We had this idea |
| 54 | to make a birthday video for Emma, |
| 55 | and we'll give it to her when she's 18. |
| 56 | Oh, cool. Wow! |
| 57 | It's like a time capsule. |
| 58 | ROSS: Yeah. |
| 59 | Oh, just think, she's going to being watching that video |
| 60 | on a TV that hasn't even been invented yet. |
| 61 | With friends who, right now, are just, like, babies. |
| 62 | And they'll live in a floating city |
| 63 | that the humans built to escape the Ant People. |
| 64 | That's the hope. |
| 65 | So, is, uh, Emma awake yet? |
| 66 | Oh, no, it's still nap time, but she'll be up soon. |
| 67 | Oh. Where's Joey? |
| 68 | I said it's still nap time. |
| 69 | ROSS: Hey. |
| 70 | There's Uncle Joey. |
| 71 | Hey. |
| 72 | Hey, say something to Emma |
| 73 | on her eighteenth birthday. |
| 74 | 18, huh? |
| 75 | Joey, no! |
| 76 | What? |
| 77 | What? It's for her hot friends. |
| 78 | When they see this, you'll be 52. |
| 79 | And starting to think about settling down. |
| 80 | Hey, Joey, |
| 81 | will you please set this up |
| 82 | for people to put Emma's presents on? |
| 83 | Love to, yeah. |
| 84 | We were supposed to bring presents? |
| 85 | Yeah. I wrote Emma a song. |
| 86 | Oh, yeah. How was I supposed to know? |
| 87 | Well, Joey, it's a birthday party. |
| 88 | Yeah, but for a one-year-old. |
| 89 | What's the point? |
| 90 | The other day she laughed for, like, an hour at a cup. |
| 91 | Just a cup with a picture of Elmo on it |
| 92 | dressed as a farmer. |
| 93 | And he's standing next to this cow, |
| 94 | and the cow says, "El-mooo!" |
| 95 | Man... |
| 96 | that's a funny cup. |
| 97 | Hey. |
| 98 | Hey. Where's the birthday girl? |
| 99 | Oh, she's still napping. |
| 100 | Oh, sure, she was probably up all night |
| 101 | excited about the party she knows is happening. |
| 102 | Look, I know that you guys really want to get to Vermont, |
| 103 | and this isn't a really big deal to you. |
| 104 | But it really is to us, okay? |
| 105 | Emma will never have a first birthday again. |
| 106 | All right, you're right. |
| 107 | We're sorry. |
| 108 | Now, let's wake up Emma and get the fun times started! |
| 109 | No, really, she didn't sleep well last night, |
| 110 | so we can't wake her up. |
| 111 | Are you friggin' kidding me, Green? |
| 112 | ( knock at door ) |
| 113 | Hi. Hi. |
| 114 | Hey. Glad you came. |
| 115 | I can't believe |
| 116 | Emma's already one. |
| 117 | Oh. I remember your first birthday. |
| 118 | Ross was jealous of all the attention |
| 119 | we were giving you. |
| 120 | He pulled on his testicles so hard, |
| 121 | we had to take him to the emergency room. |
| 122 | There's something you didn't know about your dad. |
| 123 | Hey, Mr. and Mrs. Geller! |
| 124 | Let me help you with that. |
| 125 | Thank you. |
| 126 | Oh, man, this is great, huh? |
| 127 | The three of us together again. |
| 128 | You know what would be fun? |
| 129 | If we gave this present to Emma from all of us. |
| 130 | Which one are you? |
| 131 | I can't believe Emma's still asleep. |
| 132 | I know. What are we going to do? |
| 133 | I've got a plan, I've got a plan. |
| 134 | I'm going to ram this platter really hard |
| 135 | into your ribs, okay? |
| 136 | You're going to scream out, |
| 137 | and that will wake her up! |
| 138 | I'm not going to Vermont with this Monica. |
| 139 | Hey, Pheebs, |
| 140 | you know what? |
| 141 | I was thinking, since you wrote a song, |
| 142 | maybe I could do something for Emma using my talents. |
| 143 | So, you're going to... hit on her? What... |
| 144 | No, no, no. |
| 145 | My talents as an actor. Oh. |
| 146 | You know, I could, like, maybe... |
| 147 | I could do a dramatic reading of one of her books. |
| 148 | Or you could stick a fork in an apple. |
| 149 | Hey, I think Emma might like it. |
| 150 | Oh, Emma might like what? |
| 151 | Um... my present. |
| 152 | What did you get her? |
| 153 | Actually, we prepared performances. |
| 154 | Well, separate performances. |
| 155 | But equally real. |
| 156 | Well, that sounds like fun. |
| 157 | Well, you now what, actually? |
| 158 | People are getting a little antsy |
| 159 | waiting for Emma to wake up from her nap, |
| 160 | so would you mind performing them once now? |
| 161 | Sure. Yeah. Yeah? |
| 162 | Okay. Okay, okay? All right. |
| 163 | Everybody, let's get this party started, huh? |
| 164 | Joey and Phoebe are going |
| 165 | to perform a little something for us. |
| 166 | Oh, great. |
| 167 | Aren't you going to be embarrassed |
| 168 | going up there having nothing prepared? |
| 169 | Hey, I do it every week |
| 170 | with three cameras pointing at me |
| 171 | and a whole crew waiting. |
| 172 | RACHEL: So, Joey, |
| 173 | what are you going to do for us? |
| 174 | Uh, I will be doing a dramatic reading |
| 175 | of one of Emma's books. |
| 176 | Oh. Okay. |
| 177 | Which one? |
| 178 | Uh, well, it's, uh, one of her favorites. |
| 179 | Riding the Storm Out: |
| 180 | Coping With Postpartum Depression. |
| 181 | Yeesh! |
| 182 | ( chuckling ) |
| 183 | Love You Forever. |
| 184 | Love You Forever by Robert Munsch. |
| 185 | Published by Firefly Books. |
| 186 | Printed... in Mexico. |
| 187 | ( Joey clears his throat ) |
| 188 | "A mother held her new baby, and very slowly |
| 189 | "rocked him back and forth, |
| 190 | "back and forth, back and forth. |
| 191 | "And while she held him, she sang, |
| 192 | "I'll love you forever. |
| 193 | "I'll like you for always. |
| 194 | "As long as I'm living, my baby you'll be. |
| 195 | "And while he rocked her, he sang |
| 196 | "I'll love you forever. |
| 197 | "I'll like you for always. |
| 198 | As long as I'm living, my baby you'll be." |
| 199 | Wow. |
| 200 | ( crying ): That was amazing. |
| 201 | Thank you so much for that gift. |
| 202 | ( crying ): I was not ready for this today. |
| 203 | Amazing. Amazing. |
| 204 | RACHEL: Oh, Phoebe, I'm sorry. |
| 205 | Phoebe's prepared something as well. |
| 206 | PHOEBE: That's right. |
| 207 | I've prepared a song for Emma, from my heart to hers, |
| 208 | for there is no greater gift... than the gift of music. |
| 209 | ♪ Emma ♪ |
| 210 | ♪ Your name poses a dilemma ♪ |
| 211 | ♪ 'Cause not much else rhymes with Emma ♪ |
| 212 | ♪ Maybe the actor Richard Crenna ♪ |
| 213 | ♪ He played the commanding officer in Rambo ♪ |
| 214 | ♪ Happy birthday, Emma. ♪ |
| 215 | ( chuckling ) |
| 216 | Is that it? |
| 217 | No, of course not. |
| 218 | RACHEL: Okay. |
| 219 | No, I've also, you know, prepared a reading. |
| 220 | Um... Sex and the Single Mother. |
| 221 | "Finding your G spot." |
| 222 | No! No, no, no! Now, wait. Whoa, whoa, hey. |
| 223 | Hello, Emma. |
| 224 | Happy eighteenth birthday. |
| 225 | Right now that seems so far away, 17 years. |
| 226 | Yes, you'll be all grown up by then and we'll be... |
| 227 | Well, your grandfather and I might not be here. |
| 228 | That's true. |
| 229 | This message could be coming to you from beyond the grave, Emma. |
| 230 | After all, my parents died very young. |
| 231 | And my cholesterol's off the charts. |
| 232 | Remember, Emma, heart disease kills women, too. |
| 233 | Okay, cut! |
| 234 | Great. Great. |
| 235 | That was... that was just... yeah. |
| 236 | Ross, um, don't forget to get a shot of Emma's cake. |
| 237 | It's in a box in the fridge. |
| 238 | Okay, sure. Oh, you're going to love this cake. |
| 239 | I got it from a bakery in New Jersey-- Carino's. |
| 240 | Oh, my God, that place has the creamiest frosting! |
| 241 | I used to hitchhike there when I was a kid! |
| 242 | Well, anyway, they make these great novelty cakes |
| 243 | in all different shapes, |
| 244 | and if you give them a photo, they'll copy it in icing. |
| 245 | Aw, did you do a picture of Emma? |
| 246 | Yes, on a cake shaped like a bunny! |
| 247 | Uh, Rach, does this bakery, by any chance, |
| 248 | also bake... erotic cakes? |
| 249 | Say, for bachelorette parties? |
| 250 | Ross, what are you talking...? |
| 251 | Oh, my God! |
| 252 | They put my baby's face on a penis! |
| 253 | ( gasps ) |
| 254 | Now it's a party! |
| 255 | Wait, you guys, this isn't funny, all right? |
| 256 | If I wanted the cake to be a disaster, |
| 257 | I would have baked it myself. |
| 258 | Uh... is it okay that I still think it looks delicious? |
| 259 | Jack, look at this. |
| 260 | I know what you're thinking, Judy. |
| 261 | The resemblance is uncanny. |
| 262 | I am this close to tugging on my testicles again. |
| 263 | No, no, this is not what I ordered, okay? |
| 264 | I went all the way to New Jersey |
| 265 | so that I could have the perfect cake |
| 266 | for my daughter's birthday, |
| 267 | and I need a bunny cake right now! |
| 268 | Ask them if it would be faster |
| 269 | if we cut the baby's face off the penis |
| 270 | so we could put it on the bunny. |
| 271 | That is a weird sentence. |
| 272 | Oh, believe you me, I am going to bring this cake back. |
| 273 | I don't even want it in my home. |
| 274 | Joey, don't touch it! |
| 275 | I'm so confused! |
| 276 | Yes, yes, I still want my daughter's picture, |
| 277 | but on a bunny cake. |
| 278 | Yellow cake, chocolate frosting, with nuts. |
| 279 | To be fair, this one does have nuts. |
| 280 | Hey, Mon, it was really nice of you to loan Rachel |
| 281 | your car so she could go get the cake. |
| 282 | It was so nice of her to pull my hair |
| 283 | till I dropped the key. |
| 284 | Well, you know what, while we're waiting, |
| 285 | you guys could tape your message to Emma |
| 286 | for her 18th birthday, huh? |
| 287 | Okay... |
| 288 | Hi, Emma. |
| 289 | It's the year 2020. |
| 290 | Are you still enjoying your nap? |
| 291 | We're Aunt Monica and Uncle Chandler by the way. |
| 292 | You may not recognize us |
| 293 | because we haven't spoken to your parents in 17 years. |
| 294 | We used to be married. |
| 295 | But we missed a weekend away together |
| 296 | and things kind of unraveled. |
| 297 | Because of you. |
| 298 | Happy birthday. |
| 299 | MONICA: Ross, Rachel promised us |
| 300 | it would be over by now. |
| 301 | We seriously have to go if we want to get to Vermont. |
| 302 | I called and the last train leaves in a half hour. |
| 303 | You know, I have a massage client soon. |
| 304 | You guys, |
| 305 | just please, a little bit longer. |
| 306 | I promise Rachel will be back with the cake any minute. |
| 307 | Monica, remember the frosting? |
| 308 | All right, five more minutes. |
| 309 | ( phone ringing ) |
| 310 | Hello. |
| 311 | Oh, no. What happened? |
| 312 | Okay, okay, where are you? |
| 313 | Okay, I'll be right there. |
| 314 | Was that Emma? Is she up? |
| 315 | Rachel got pulled over for speeding. |
| 316 | She forgot her license, so now I have to bring it to her. |
| 317 | Well, if you're leaving, I'm definitely going to go. |
| 318 | Wait, if anybody gets to go, it's us. |
| 319 | We've been complaining the longest. |
| 320 | Wait, you guys, you can't leave, okay. |
| 321 | Rachel already |
| 322 | feels bad that the cake's messed up. |
| 323 | How do you think she's going to feel |
| 324 | when she comes back here and all you guys are gone? |
| 325 | I don't know. |
| 326 | You'll tell us on Monday. |
| 327 | Joey, you're in charge, |
| 328 | okay? |
| 329 | Make sure nobody leaves. |
| 330 | Got it. |
| 331 | Hey, hey, hey, where do you think you're going? |
| 332 | To the bathroom? |
| 333 | All right. Well, the rest of you get comfortable, okay? |
| 334 | Because we're going to be here for... Wait a minute... |
| 335 | There's a window in there. |
| 336 | Oh, no. He's not getting away that easy. |
| 337 | CHANDLER: What are you doing?! Get the hell out of here! |
| 338 | Well, that one did not have Emma's face on it. |
| 339 | No, it did not. |
| 340 | No. |
| 341 | Well, we'd better get going. |
| 342 | It's late. |
| 343 | Jack's not allowed to drive at night anymore. |
| 344 | He has trouble staying in his lane. |
| 345 | Last winter I went up on a church lawn |
| 346 | and drove right through a manger scene. |
| 347 | The papers thought it was a hate crime. |
| 348 | Anyway, it was lovely |
| 349 | seeing you. |
| 350 | Okay. Bye. |
| 351 | Nighty-night. |
| 352 | Nighty-night. |
| 353 | Joey, how could you just let them leave? |
| 354 | Hey, hey, hey, I'm not going to mess with Jack. |
| 355 | He's a great man. He fought for our country. |
| 356 | No, he didn't. |
| 357 | He pretended to be a Quaker to get out of Korea. |
| 358 | ( gasps ) |
| 359 | Well, that's it. |
| 360 | He's the last one to go. |
| 361 | I'm locking you guys in! |
| 362 | You do know I can just turn them the other way around, right? |
| 363 | Oh, I forgot you used to live here. |
| 364 | ( phone ringing ) |
| 365 | Hello. |
| 366 | Joey, it's Estelle. |
| 367 | Hey. |
| 368 | So how'd your audition go today? |
| 369 | What audition? |
| 370 | The one I told you about last week. |
| 371 | What?! You never said anything about an audition! |
| 372 | Let me start over. |
| 373 | I just got a call about an audition. |
| 374 | I think you can still make it. |
| 375 | It's down at the Astor Theater. |
| 376 | And you need to have a monologue prepared. |
| 377 | A monologue? I don't have a... |
| 378 | I got it. |
| 379 | Uh, so... I'm going to take off. |
| 380 | PHOEBE: What?! |
| 381 | No way. You don't get to leave! |
| 382 | I've got a massage client |
| 383 | waiting outside my door any minute. |
| 384 | And we paid for a room that we're supposed to be in right now! |
| 385 | Okay, now. |
| 386 | Only one of us has to stay with Emma. |
| 387 | Okay, and as the person who realized that, I get to go. |
| 388 | No, no, no. |
| 389 | Let's figure out a fair way to decide who's staying. |
| 390 | Oh, I got it. |
| 391 | Okay, everyone pick a number from one to ten. |
| 392 | All right, whoever gets the highest number, |
| 393 | gets to go first. |
| 394 | Okay, ten. |
| 395 | Okay, Monica's picks ten. I call nine. |
| 396 | Anyone else? |
| 397 | Let's just... let's just draw straws. |
| 398 | Or we flip a coin, and then multiply the answer... |
| 399 | I'm begging you, stop. |
| 400 | Okay. |
| 401 | Okay, how about this? |
| 402 | We got wind-up toys for Emma for her birthday. |
| 403 | We can make them race |
| 404 | and whoever comes in last, stays. |
| 405 | Yeah! Let's do that! |
| 406 | That sounds more fun |
| 407 | than the thing we were going to do in Vermont. |
| 408 | Okay, everybody pick a toy. |
| 409 | Okay. |
| 410 | I want the dolphin! |
| 411 | That's a bear. |
| 412 | I'm too excited! |
| 413 | Okay, Phoebe, you get the bear, |
| 414 | Joey, you get the robot, |
| 415 | and Chandler and I get the dog. |
| 416 | And the race |
| 417 | is going to go from here to here. |
| 418 | Now the one who comes in last |
| 419 | stays. |
| 420 | Okay, ladies and gentlemen, wind your toys. |
| 421 | On your mark... |
| 422 | get set... go! |
| 423 | Go! Go! |
| 424 | Come on, robot! |
| 425 | ( mechanical barking ) |
| 426 | What are you barking at?! |
| 427 | Well, how is that going to help?! |
| 428 | I bought you! |
| 429 | How did I forget that that's all you do?! |
| 430 | Way to go, robot! |
| 431 | Good job, Alan! |
| 432 | Hey, good race, you guys. |
| 433 | Yeah. See you later. |
| 434 | Oh, no, no, no. Wait. |
| 435 | We didn't lose. |
| 436 | The rules clearly stated that the last one |
| 437 | to cross the finish line was the loser. |
| 438 | Well, our dog never crossed the finish line, |
| 439 | so technically... |
| 440 | They left. |
| 441 | No, there isn't time to go to the bakery. |
| 442 | We're just going to come home. |
| 443 | Everybody left? |
| 444 | All right, well, just tell Emma |
| 445 | that we'll be there as soon as we can. |
| 446 | Bye. |
| 447 | Rachel! |
| 448 | Oh, God! Sorry. |
| 449 | I can't believe they gave you a ticket. |
| 450 | You're such a good driver. |
| 451 | Emma's awake. |
| 452 | Yeah? |
| 453 | I can't believe this. |
| 454 | It's her first birthday, she's awake, |
| 455 | we're not even there. |
| 456 | Everybody left. |
| 457 | We've still have this stupid, obscene cake. |
| 458 | Well, maybe I can fix that. |
| 459 | You know, try to turn it into something else. |
| 460 | Oh, don't even bother. |
| 461 | We've already ruined her first birthday. |
| 462 | Do you know how important these early experiences are, Ross? |
| 463 | Very, according to the back cover of that book |
| 464 | that you gave me. |
| 465 | Rach, she's not going to remember this. |
| 466 | I just had such an idea |
| 467 | of what this day would be like, you know. |
| 468 | Emma laughing and everybody gathered around her cake, |
| 469 | singing "Happy Birthday," |
| 470 | And then we would all go into... |
| 471 | Get off the road, you stupid student driver! |
| 472 | ( horn honking ) |
| 473 | They have to learn! |
| 474 | Hey. |
| 475 | What? |
| 476 | It isn't that bad. |
| 477 | Oh my God. |
| 478 | You made it into a bunny. |
| 479 | How did you do that? |
| 480 | Well, I just made these two |
| 481 | things cheeks. |
| 482 | And then I... |
| 483 | I split this to make ears. |
| 484 | Well, I'm very impressed. |
| 485 | Some can sing, some can dance, |
| 486 | I, apparently, can turn phallic cakes into woodland creatures. |
| 487 | Now, another way to organize your stuffed animals is by size. |
| 488 | I'm sorry, is this a game for Emma or for Monica? |
| 489 | Game? |
| 490 | Emma, |
| 491 | do you even know it's your birthday today? |
| 492 | You're one. One year old. |
| 493 | That's little. |
| 494 | ( gurgling ) |
| 495 | ( gasps ) |
| 496 | That's my girl. |
| 497 | That's how old you are. |
| 498 | Did I teach her that? |
| 499 | Did I just impart wisdom? |
| 500 | I want one. |
| 501 | Me, too. |
| 502 | There's no one around. |
| 503 | Why don't we just take this one? |
| 504 | And head to Canada. |
| 505 | I was kidding. |
| 506 | I wasn't. Let's get going. |
| 507 | Hey, are Ross and Rachel back? |
| 508 | No, not yet. |
| 509 | Oh good, I didn't miss the party. |
| 510 | What about your massage client? |
| 511 | I just felt so bad missing this, |
| 512 | so I just slipped him a little something, you know. |
| 513 | As long as I'm back in five or six hours, |
| 514 | it'll be all right. |
| 515 | Okay, if Ross and Rachel ask, I've been here the whole time. |
| 516 | The whole time. |
| 517 | I've been here the whole time. |
| 518 | Joey, we just saw you come in. |
| 519 | You ran past us on the stairs. |
| 520 | RACHEL: I don't care |
| 521 | that you left. |
| 522 | I'm just glad that you're here. |
| 523 | Thanks, you guys. |
| 524 | Hey, guys, come on. |
| 525 | You got to see what Emma just did. |
| 526 | What? |
| 527 | Emma, how old are you? |
| 528 | How old are you today? |
| 529 | ( all gasp ) |
| 530 | Oh, Emma, that's right. |
| 531 | You're that many. |
| 532 | Oh, my God, our daughter's a genius. |
| 533 | Rach, this means... |
| 534 | No, no science camp! |
| 535 | Damn it. |
| 536 | I'll put a candle on the cake. |
| 537 | Oh, and, Emma, look at your stuffed animals |
| 538 | lined up so neatly. |
| 539 | Thanks. |
| 540 | Okay, here we go. |
| 541 | Emma's first birthday cake. |
| 542 | What's wrong? Are you okay? |
| 543 | Oh, yeah, nothing. |
| 544 | These are happy tears. |
| 545 | This is just what I wanted. |
| 546 | Hey, you made it into a bunny. |
| 547 | What is wrong with me? |
| 548 | It looked more delicious when it was a penis. |
| 549 | Okay. |
| 550 | Okay, you ready? Yeah. |
| 551 | And... record. |
| 552 | Okay. |
| 553 | Hi, Emma. |
| 554 | Well, your first birthday is over. |
| 555 | ( loud shouting ) |
| 556 | CHANDLER: No! No! No! |
| 557 | Go! Go! Go, Alan! |
| 558 | Run you hairy bastard! |
| 559 | Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org |
| 560 | |
| 1 | You know, I'm thinking |
| 2 | about letting Emma have her first cookie. |
| 3 | Her first cookie? |
| 4 | She has cookies all the time. |
| 5 | I've never given her a cookie. |
| 6 | Have you? |
| 7 | No. |
| 8 | No. And for the record, |
| 9 | I've also never given her frosting from a can. |
| 10 | MONICA: Hey, Rach, |
| 11 | the adoption agency needs letters of recommendation, |
| 12 | and we were wondering if you would write one for us. |
| 13 | Of course. I'd be honored. |
| 14 | Thanks. Thank you. |
| 15 | ( clearing throat ) |
| 16 | I think there's been an oversight. |
| 17 | Joe, we would have asked you. |
| 18 | We just thought you wouldn't be interested. |
| 19 | Yeah, it's just that we don't think of you |
| 20 | as really being so much with the words. |
| 21 | Wha-wha, hey, wai-hey, whoa, hey! |
| 22 | Clearly, we were wrong. |
| 23 | Look, I got a lot of nice stuff to say about you guys, okay? |
| 24 | And I know how much you want to have a baby, |
| 25 | and I would love to help you get one. |
| 26 | You know what? |
| 27 | Then, Joey, we want you to do it. |
| 28 | Thank you. |
| 29 | All right, let me see how I'm going to start. |
| 30 | "Dear Baby Adoption Decider People..." |
| 31 | So excited about your letter. |
| 32 | Hey. |
| 33 | ( greetings all around ) |
| 34 | MONICA: Wow, don't you look nice? |
| 35 | Yes, I do. |
| 36 | Today's, uh, Mike and my one-year anniversary. |
| 37 | Oh, what's it the anniversary of? |
| 38 | Your first, uh, date, your first kiss, |
| 39 | first time you had sex? |
| 40 | Yeah! |
| 41 | So, you must be going somewhere fancy to celebrate. |
| 42 | Uh-huh. |
| 43 | Um, a Knicks game. |
| 44 | Uh... aren't you a little overdressed? |
| 45 | Hey, you know what? |
| 46 | I've never had a one-year anniversary before, |
| 47 | so no matter where we go, |
| 48 | I'm wearing something fancy-pants, |
| 49 | and I'm going to put on my finest jewelry, |
| 50 | and we're going to have sex in a public restroom. |
| 51 | You guys do that? |
| 52 | Chandler won't even have sex in our bathroom. |
| 53 | That's where people make number two. |
| 54 | ♪ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ♪ |
| 55 | ♪ Your job's a joke, you're broke ♪ |
| 56 | ♪ Your love life's D.O.A. ♪ |
| 57 | ♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪ |
| 58 | ♪ When it hasn't been your day, your week ♪ |
| 59 | ♪ Your month, or even your year ♪ |
| 60 | ♪ But I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 61 | ♪ When the rain starts to pour ♪ |
| 62 | ♪ I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 63 | ♪ Like I've been there before ♪ |
| 64 | ♪ I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 65 | ♪ 'Cause you're there for me, too. ♪ |
| 66 | Hey. Hey, hey. |
| 67 | Mmm... ( chuckling ) |
| 68 | So, you know, I have a little time |
| 69 | if you, uh, if you want to... |
| 70 | Oh. |
| 71 | Oh, I'd love to, |
| 72 | but I really have to grade these papers. |
| 73 | Oh! |
| 74 | Fine. That's fine. |
| 75 | I'll just shower by myself. |
| 76 | "B, B, B, B, B." |
| 77 | ( chuckling ) |
| 78 | Uh, Ross, you gave a "B" to a Pottery Barn catalogue. |
| 79 | Well, it had some good ideas. |
| 80 | Take off your shirt. |
| 81 | ( chuckling ) |
| 82 | ( knock at door ) Damn it. |
| 83 | AMY: Rachel? Open up. |
| 84 | It's your sister. |
| 85 | ( knocking ) |
| 86 | I have to talk to you. |
| 87 | Hi, Amy. |
| 88 | You're not Rachel. |
| 89 | Still sharp as a tack. |
| 90 | Um, Charlie, this is Rachel's sister, Amy, |
| 91 | Amy, this is Charlie. |
| 92 | Hi, nice to meet you. |
| 93 | Hi. And you are...? |
| 94 | Ross. |
| 95 | I, uh, I grew up on your block. |
| 96 | We had Thanksgiving together last year. |
| 97 | I had a baby with your sister. |
| 98 | No... |
| 99 | Did I buy a falafel from you yesterday? |
| 100 | Yes, yes, you did. |
| 101 | Hi, Rachel. |
| 102 | Here's your sister, Amy. |
| 103 | She thinks I need pec implants. |
| 104 | Amy? Hi! |
| 105 | ( chuckling ) |
| 106 | Oh, you remember Joey? |
| 107 | Yeah. Hey, sure-- |
| 108 | The Days of Our Lives guy. |
| 109 | That's right, yeah. |
| 110 | You are not good. |
| 111 | Always nice to meet a fan. |
| 112 | So, now, what are you doing here? |
| 113 | Well, I have huge news. |
| 114 | ( Emma crying ) |
| 115 | Oh, sorry, hold on, let me just check on the baby. |
| 116 | Wait, this is important. Can't Ella wait? |
| 117 | Uh, her name is Emma. |
| 118 | Why did you change it? |
| 119 | Ella was so much prettier. |
| 120 | What do I know? |
| 121 | I just sell Middle-Eastern food from a cart. |
| 122 | Hey, your English is getting better. |
| 123 | Oh, my God. I know. |
| 124 | She may be the hottest girl I've ever hated. |
| 125 | What you... what you working on? |
| 126 | Oh, Monica and Chandler's recommendation. |
| 127 | I want it to sound smart, |
| 128 | but I don't know any big words, or anything, so... |
| 129 | Well, why don't you use your thesaurus? |
| 130 | What'd I just say? |
| 131 | Watch. |
| 132 | Here, you, uh, you highlight |
| 133 | the word you want to change, |
| 134 | go under "tools," |
| 135 | and the thesaurus generates-- gives-- |
| 136 | ...gives a whole list of choices. |
| 137 | You can pick the word that sounds smartest. |
| 138 | Oh. Oh, my God, that's great. |
| 139 | I'm smart! |
| 140 | No, no, I'm... brainy, bright, clever. |
| 141 | I love this thing! |
| 142 | Look out, ladies, |
| 143 | Joey Tribbiani's got the whole package! |
| 144 | God-- |
| 145 | so beautiful. |
| 146 | Oh, I know, isn't she? |
| 147 | No, I was talking about your bedding. |
| 148 | Oh... gosh. |
| 149 | All right, what's your news, Amy? |
| 150 | Oh... |
| 151 | ( clearing throat ) |
| 152 | Well, I'm getting married. |
| 153 | Wha...? |
| 154 | Oh, my God! To who? |
| 155 | This guy. |
| 156 | Oh, oh... |
| 157 | He has a killer apartment. |
| 158 | And...? |
| 159 | And it's on Fifth. |
| 160 | And the elevator opens up right into the living room. |
| 161 | No, what's he... what's he like? |
| 162 | Oh, he's okay. |
| 163 | Do you remember my old boyfriend, Mark? |
| 164 | Yeah. It's his dad. |
| 165 | Huh. |
| 166 | Wow, so, he's got to be... |
| 167 | Old? Yeah. |
| 168 | But he travels a lot, so he's hardly ever there. |
| 169 | Sweetie, I got to tell you, |
| 170 | it sounds a little bit like you like the apartment |
| 171 | more than you like... |
| 172 | Myron. |
| 173 | Yeah, I told you he was old. |
| 174 | Oh... sit down, sit down. |
| 175 | What? |
| 176 | Oh, honey, you know, |
| 177 | I once also almost married somebody that I didn't love. |
| 178 | Do you remember Barry? |
| 179 | Remember him? |
| 180 | God, we used to make out all the time |
| 181 | after you went to sleep. |
| 182 | Yeah, sometimes just nodding is okay. |
| 183 | Um, but anyway, listen. |
| 184 | Not marrying Barry |
| 185 | was the best decision that I ever, ever made. |
| 186 | Honey, Amy, you-you deserve true love. |
| 187 | Your-your soul mate is out there somewhere-- |
| 188 | someone that is your age, that is smart, |
| 189 | that is fun, and that-that you care about. |
| 190 | You're right. You're right. |
| 191 | I'm-I'm going to do it. Okay. |
| 192 | I'm going to marry Myron and keep looking for Mr. Right. |
| 193 | Okay. |
| 194 | Okay, let's keep talking. |
| 195 | Excuse me. |
| 196 | Our anniversary. |
| 197 | Excuse me. Anniversary. |
| 198 | Um, yeah. Sir, |
| 199 | could you... could you move your nachos? |
| 200 | They're in my seat. |
| 201 | It's my anniversary. |
| 202 | Here we are. |
| 203 | Can't believe it's been a whole year. |
| 204 | I know. This has been the best year... |
| 205 | ( crowd cheering ) |
| 206 | ( yelling ): This has been the best year of my life! |
| 207 | ( yelling ): Me, too! |
| 208 | I never thought I could love someone this much! |
| 209 | I feel the same way! |
| 210 | You're so generous and kind, |
| 211 | ( cheering dies down ) and you're amazing in bed! |
| 212 | It's... It's our anniversary. |
| 213 | ANNOUNCER: Knick fans, |
| 214 | can you please turn your attention to the scoreboard? |
| 215 | Someone has a very special question to ask. |
| 216 | ( crowd groans sympathetically and applauds ) |
| 217 | Oh, how lame. |
| 218 | Oh, it's so tacky and impersonal. |
| 219 | Really? |
| 220 | Oh, it's the worst way to propose. |
| 221 | Excuse me. |
| 222 | Hey, I finished my recommendation. Here. |
| 223 | Uh, I think |
| 224 | you'll be very, very happy. |
| 225 | It was the longest I ever spent on a computer |
| 226 | without looking at porn. |
| 227 | I don't, uh, understand. |
| 228 | Some of the words a little too sophisticated for you? |
| 229 | It doesn't make any sense. |
| 230 | Of course it does. |
| 231 | It's smart. |
| 232 | I used a thesaurus. |
| 233 | On every word? |
| 234 | Yup. |
| 235 | All right, what was this sentence originally? |
| 236 | Oh, "They are warm, nice people with big hearts." |
| 237 | And that became, "They are humid, |
| 238 | prepossessing Homo Sapiens... with full-sized aortic pumps." |
| 239 | Yeah, yeah, and hey, I really mean it, dude. |
| 240 | Hey, Joey, I don't think we can use this. |
| 241 | Why not? Well, because |
| 242 | You signed it "Baby Kangaroo" Tribbiani. |
| 243 | Honey, why don't you stop worrying |
| 244 | about sounding smart and just be yourself? |
| 245 | You know what? |
| 246 | you don't need a thesaurus. |
| 247 | Just write from here-- your full-sized aortic pump. |
| 248 | Amy, hi. |
| 249 | I took your advice. |
| 250 | I left Myron. |
| 251 | Oh, good for you! |
| 252 | I know. |
| 253 | I'm Erin Brockovich! |
| 254 | Yes, you are. |
| 255 | Oh, I'm so proud of you. |
| 256 | Oh, thank you. |
| 257 | So, can I stay with you? |
| 258 | But... Erin Brockovich had her own house. |
| 259 | Please? |
| 260 | ( chuckling ): Uh, look who's back. |
| 261 | Why do you have bags? |
| 262 | Rach, why does she have bags?! |
| 263 | Well, I'm staying with you guys. |
| 264 | What?! |
| 265 | We're going to be roomies! |
| 266 | Come on. |
| 267 | You slept out here? |
| 268 | Well, Amy kept kicking me in her sleep, |
| 269 | yelling, "Myron, get off." |
| 270 | But, uh, we're getting rid of her, right? |
| 271 | Rach, please tell me we're getting rid of her. |
| 272 | Joey, I can't do that. |
| 273 | Oh, come on! |
| 274 | Last night I was finishing off a pizza, |
| 275 | and she said, "A moment on the lips, |
| 276 | forever on the hips." |
| 277 | I don't need that kind of talk in my house! |
| 278 | Well, Joey, |
| 279 | look, I know that she's difficult, |
| 280 | but I think it's really good that she's here. |
| 281 | 'Cause we'll appreciate it more when she's gone? |
| 282 | I, wh...? |
| 283 | No, it's just, look, you know, |
| 284 | when I first moved to this city, I was a lot like her. |
| 285 | I was spoiled, self-centered, |
| 286 | and you guys really took care of me. |
| 287 | Yeah, Monica made us. |
| 288 | Well, whatever, I really appreciate it, |
| 289 | 'cause I don't think I would be the person that I am today |
| 290 | if it wasn't for you guys. |
| 291 | See, I want to help Amy |
| 292 | the way you guys helped me, |
| 293 | and I know it's going to take patience, but that's okay. |
| 294 | Good morning. |
| 295 | ( groans ) |
| 296 | RACHEL: Amy, |
| 297 | that what I was supposed to wear today. |
| 298 | That's why I hung it on the door. |
| 299 | Oh, sweetie, you can't pull this off. |
| 300 | Amy, you know what, I was thinking that, um, |
| 301 | maybe now would be a good time for us to sit down |
| 302 | and, uh, you know, talk about your future. |
| 303 | Oh, I can't, honey. |
| 304 | I'm going to go get my eyebrows shaped. |
| 305 | I am not happy. |
| 306 | Uh. |
| 307 | Sure you want to eat that? |
| 308 | I'm curvy and I like it! |
| 309 | Hi. |
| 310 | Hi. Hey. |
| 311 | I just I had the worst anniversary ever. |
| 312 | CHANDLER: I doubt that. |
| 313 | Tell her about us last year. |
| 314 | Oh, well, I bought Chandler a $500 watch, |
| 315 | and he wrote me a rap song. |
| 316 | Seriously? |
| 317 | Word. |
| 318 | Well, mine was worse than that. |
| 319 | Well, what happened? |
| 320 | We were at the game, and this guy proposed to his girlfriend |
| 321 | on the big screen thing. |
| 322 | Oh, that is so tacky. |
| 323 | Well, that's what I said. |
| 324 | But it turns out Mike was planning on proposing to me |
| 325 | that same way last night. |
| 326 | Oh, my God. |
| 327 | Mike was going to propose? |
| 328 | Phoebe, that's huge. |
| 329 | Well, do you want to marry him? |
| 330 | Yeah, I really do, yes. |
| 331 | But after I dumped on the way he was going to propose to me, |
| 332 | I don't think he's ever going to ask again. |
| 333 | I mean, I said no in Barbados, and now this. |
| 334 | She's right. If I were a guy and... |
| 335 | Did I just say, "If I were a guy"? |
| 336 | Maybe you don't need him to propose to you. |
| 337 | Maybe you could propose to him. |
| 338 | Oh, I don't know. I don't know. |
| 339 | Isn't that a little desperate? |
| 340 | I proposed to Chandler. |
| 341 | All right, moving on. |
| 342 | Well, I don't think it was desperate. |
| 343 | I think it was amazing. |
| 344 | Thank you. |
| 345 | Well, do you think I should propose? |
| 346 | I think it could be kind of great. |
| 347 | Absolutely. |
| 348 | You'll love the feeling. |
| 349 | There's nothing like it. |
| 350 | Okay. Okay. |
| 351 | So, how should I do it? |
| 352 | How about at a game on the big screen? |
| 353 | ( gasps ): How about at a Foot Locker? |
| 354 | What? What, he obviously thinks |
| 355 | that's a nice way to be proposed to. |
| 356 | Plus, he'd never suspect it. |
| 357 | Yeah, that does make sense. Okay. |
| 358 | Now, would-would you two like that? |
| 359 | Sounds good to me. |
| 360 | But what would a guy think? |
| 361 | Uh, Nana's on the phone. |
| 362 | Oh, that's interesting, since she died seven years ago. |
| 363 | She did? |
| 364 | Who got her condo in Boca? |
| 365 | Hello. |
| 366 | Oh. |
| 367 | It's our nanny. |
| 368 | Hi. |
| 369 | Oh, God, I hope you feel better. |
| 370 | Okay, bye. |
| 371 | That's Molly, she's sick. |
| 372 | Can you watch Emma today? |
| 373 | I can't. I have back-to-back classes. |
| 374 | Did Molly say what she had |
| 375 | because my throat's been hurting. |
| 376 | Menstrual cramps. |
| 377 | I don't think that's what this is. |
| 378 | Can any of you watch Emma? |
| 379 | No, sorry. No, sorry, sweetie. |
| 380 | No, I've got work, and then I'm proposing and... |
| 381 | Oh, great. |
| 382 | Shoot! What are we going to do? |
| 383 | Well, I could do it. |
| 384 | Well, actually... |
| 385 | Uh, can I talk to you for a sec? |
| 386 | Yeah. |
| 387 | Um, I do not want her baby-sitting our child. |
| 388 | Why not? |
| 389 | Well, for one thing, she keeps calling her "Ella." |
| 390 | Ella's a nice name. |
| 391 | Fine, we'll call the next one Ella! |
| 392 | Next, the next one? |
| 393 | Okay, uh... |
| 394 | Um, I don't want her watching our baby. |
| 395 | Ross, I am trying to help her become a better person. |
| 396 | This is a huge breakthrough for her. |
| 397 | She just offered to do something |
| 398 | for another human being. |
| 399 | Look, look, I-I don't know... |
| 400 | Ross, I'm telling you, |
| 401 | she's giving up getting her eyebrows shaped |
| 402 | to do this, all right? |
| 403 | Do you understand how important that is |
| 404 | in our world? |
| 405 | Um, listen, I... I couldn't help but overhear |
| 406 | 'cause I was trying to. |
| 407 | Listen, let me do this. |
| 408 | I-I really want to help you guys out, |
| 409 | and plus, Rachel's been so wonderful to me. |
| 410 | Absolutely. |
| 411 | Oh, great. |
| 412 | So, how much does it pay? |
| 413 | Hey, Joe. |
| 414 | How's the second draft of the letter coming? |
| 415 | Great. I'm finished. |
| 416 | In fact, I just dropped it off |
| 417 | at the agency. |
| 418 | You dropped it off? |
| 419 | Yeah. |
| 420 | Can we read it? |
| 421 | Can you print out another copy? |
| 422 | No can do, amigo. |
| 423 | No, I didn't use a computer. |
| 424 | It felt more personal to handwrite it. |
| 425 | ( groans ) |
| 426 | You handwrote it? |
| 427 | Yeah, and don't worry. |
| 428 | I didn't try to sound smart at all. |
| 429 | See you later. |
| 430 | Oh, my God. Oh, my God. |
| 431 | That letter is going to go in our file. |
| 432 | We're never going to get a kid. |
| 433 | No, we're gonna... we're gonna be |
| 434 | one of those old couples that collects orchids or-or has a lot of birds. |
| 435 | It's okay. It's okay. |
| 436 | You know what, I will just call the agency |
| 437 | and tell them to throw out the letter. |
| 438 | Okay, good. |
| 439 | Hello. This is Chandler Bing. |
| 440 | Somebody just dropped off |
| 441 | a handwritten recommendation letter and... |
| 442 | Uh-huh. Uh-huh. |
| 443 | Okay. |
| 444 | Thank you. Good-bye. |
| 445 | Oh, we're screwed, aren't we? |
| 446 | You know what, just tell me on the way to the bird store. |
| 447 | They loved it. |
| 448 | What? |
| 449 | They thought it was very smart of us |
| 450 | to have a child write the recommendation letter. |
| 451 | They thought Joey was a child? |
| 452 | She guessed eight, nine, based on his drawings. |
| 453 | AMY: Hi. |
| 454 | MONICA: Hey, what did you guys do today? |
| 455 | Ella wanted to go out, |
| 456 | so we went shopping and got some sushi. |
| 457 | That sounds like fun. |
| 458 | Yeah, not really. |
| 459 | Babies are dull. |
| 460 | Hey. |
| 461 | Hi. How's my girl? |
| 462 | I'm fine. |
| 463 | And... |
| 464 | I got you a present for letting me stay with you. |
| 465 | Ready? |
| 466 | Yes. |
| 467 | Ta-da! |
| 468 | You pierced her ears? |
| 469 | Doesn't it make her nose look smaller? |
| 470 | ( shrieks ) |
| 471 | How could you do this without telling me? |
| 472 | Well, if I had told you, then it wouldn't have been |
| 473 | a surprise, now, would it? |
| 474 | ( moans ) |
| 475 | I think she looks cute. |
| 476 | But I am wrong. |
| 477 | Oh, my God. |
| 478 | Oh, my God, here comes Ross. |
| 479 | He is going to flip out. |
| 480 | Why, did something happen to his falafel cart? |
| 481 | Hey, guys. Hi, Ross. |
| 482 | Ross. Hi, Emma. |
| 483 | Oh, why is she wearing her hat so low? |
| 484 | She can barely see. |
| 485 | I don't really want her to see. |
| 486 | Why not? |
| 487 | MONICA: Well, because |
| 488 | there's so many terrible sights in this world. |
| 489 | Like war. |
| 490 | Or that thing in Joey's refrigerator, remember? |
| 491 | It was in a milk carton, but it looked like meat? |
| 492 | Come here. Come here. |
| 493 | ( gasps ) |
| 494 | There she is. |
| 495 | Hi. |
| 496 | What? |
| 497 | Nothing. |
| 498 | Hi. |
| 499 | Wh...? |
| 500 | ( gasping ) |
| 501 | Please tell me those are clip-ons. |
| 502 | Oh, they're real. |
| 503 | Did she do this to her? |
| 504 | I told you we shouldn't |
| 505 | have left Emma with her. I know, I know, |
| 506 | and you were right, Ross, okay? |
| 507 | You are so irresponsible! |
| 508 | I am never letting you baby-sit ever again! |
| 509 | Hey, you know, what, this kid needs me, okay? |
| 510 | She needs to have a cool, fun aunt. |
| 511 | I'm a cool, fun aunt. |
| 512 | Okay. |
| 513 | Hey! |
| 514 | Monica can be cool and fun at organized, indoor projects! |
| 515 | I cannot believe this. |
| 516 | All I wanted to do was help you try to figure out |
| 517 | what to do with your life, |
| 518 | and this is how you repay me?! |
| 519 | Well, I don't need you to help me |
| 520 | because I already know what I'm going to do with my life. |
| 521 | Oh, yeah? Since when? |
| 522 | Since today. |
| 523 | I am going to be a baby stylist. |
| 524 | What? |
| 525 | That's not a thing! |
| 526 | Well, it should be. |
| 527 | I'm going to help babies learn how to accessorize, |
| 528 | what colors to wear, what clothes are slimming. |
| 529 | Babies don't care if they're slim! |
| 530 | Enter Amy. |
| 531 | Amy, I j... I just... I just want to... |
| 532 | What? What are you doing to do? |
| 533 | No more falafel for you! |
| 534 | Oh, great game, huh? |
| 535 | Uh-huh, uh-huh. |
| 536 | Why do you keep looking at the screen? |
| 537 | I'm not. |
| 538 | I-I'm praying. |
| 539 | Please, let the Knicks win. |
| 540 | Thank you, Thor. |
| 541 | Where are you going? |
| 542 | Going to go to the bathroom. |
| 543 | Well, I think you should wait. |
| 544 | Why? |
| 545 | Well, if you don't... if you don't hold it in, |
| 546 | you don't... you don't get all the nutrients. |
| 547 | ANNOUNCER: Knicks fans, |
| 548 | can we turn your attention to the big screen. |
| 549 | Someone has a special question to ask. |
| 550 | Mike Hannigan, will you marry me? |
| 551 | ANNOUNCER Get a load of this. |
| 552 | She's proposing to him. |
| 553 | Guess we know who wears the pants in that family. |
| 554 | Well, that's not very enlightened! |
| 555 | ( crowd booing ) |
| 556 | Wuss! Wimp! |
| 557 | Hey! Hey! |
| 558 | Boo us? Boo you! |
| 559 | ( crowd booing ) |
| 560 | ( phone rings ) |
| 561 | Hello? |
| 562 | Yeah, this is Joey Tribbiani. |
| 563 | Oh, hi. |
| 564 | Well, I'm glad you liked my letter. |
| 565 | No, my mommy and daddy aren't home right now. |
| 566 | Okay, bye-bye. |
| 567 | She was nice. |
| 568 | Joey, get Amy's bags. |
| 569 | She is moving out. |
| 570 | Whoo-hoo! |
| 571 | You're kicking me out? |
| 572 | You put holes in my baby's ears. |
| 573 | Yeah, well, at least now people will know she's a girl. |
| 574 | ( gasps ) |
| 575 | I can't believe I ever even tried |
| 576 | to help you. |
| 577 | You are so beyond help. |
| 578 | You know what, ever since I got here, |
| 579 | you have been nothing but negative. |
| 580 | Excuse me? |
| 581 | You didn't want me to marry the old guy |
| 582 | with the great apartment. |
| 583 | Then, I try to help your daughter |
| 584 | de-emphasize her flaws... |
| 585 | ...and suddenly I'm the bad guy? |
| 586 | Joey, where are those bags? |
| 587 | JOEY: She has a lot of crap! |
| 588 | ( groans ) |
| 589 | You know what? |
| 590 | When I moved in here, I thought, this is going to be so great. |
| 591 | Just us sisters, back together again, |
| 592 | like when we were kids, except without that stupid Jill. |
| 593 | Oh, who has gotten fat, by the way. |
| 594 | Seriously? |
| 595 | Mm-hmm. |
| 596 | Mom said she gained, like, 15 pounds. |
| 597 | Hips or thighs? |
| 598 | Ass and face. |
| 599 | Oh! |
| 600 | Oh, my God. |
| 601 | I thought she was on Atkins. |
| 602 | She was. |
| 603 | Carbs found her. |
| 604 | See? |
| 605 | This is what I wanted. |
| 606 | Two sisters talking about real stuff. |
| 607 | Oh, I can give you that. |
| 608 | You can? |
| 609 | Yeah. |
| 610 | I kept trying to make you a better person, |
| 611 | but you're, you're already a pretty perfect version |
| 612 | of what you are. |
| 613 | Thank you. |
| 614 | And you've got to admit, Emma does look cute. |
| 615 | Did you just say "Emma"? |
| 616 | Oh, I'm sorry. Ella. |
| 617 | That woman at the game didn't know |
| 618 | what she was talking about, Mike. |
| 619 | Obviously, you have balls. |
| 620 | Well, please, let's just forget the whole thing. |
| 621 | I would love it. |
| 622 | Consider it forgotten. |
| 623 | Thank you. |
| 624 | But just so you know, |
| 625 | however and whenever you decide to propose, |
| 626 | I promise I'll say yes. |
| 627 | Whether-whether, you know, it's at a basketball game |
| 628 | or in skywriting |
| 629 | or, you know, like some lame guy in a cheesy movie |
| 630 | who hides it in the cake. |
| 631 | It's in the cake, isn't it? |
| 632 | Where else would lame, Mr. No Balls hide it? |
| 633 | What's the matter with me? |
| 634 | Why do I keep ruining this? |
| 635 | I'm sorry. I'm sorry. |
| 636 | No, it's my fault. |
| 637 | I keep trying to propose in these stupid ways, |
| 638 | and all I want to do is tell you that I love you, |
| 639 | and that I want to spend the rest of my life with you and... |
| 640 | I'm going to do this now. |
| 641 | Oh, my God. |
| 642 | Phoebe, I... |
| 643 | Wait, oh, wait. |
| 644 | Oh, no. |
| 645 | Okay. Ooh. |
| 646 | Ready? |
| 647 | Uh-huh. |
| 648 | Okay. |
| 649 | Phoebe, I love you. |
| 650 | There's no one else in the world |
| 651 | I would ask to marry me three times. |
| 652 | But I want to take care of you, |
| 653 | have babies with you... |
| 654 | ...and grow old with you. |
| 655 | Phoebe Buffay, will you marry me? |
| 656 | Yes. |
| 657 | I love you. |
| 658 | I love you more. |
| 659 | Not possible. |
| 660 | She's going to be Mrs. No Balls. |
| 661 | So, how's the, uh, baby-styling business going? |
| 662 | Not that great. |
| 663 | It's... it's almost as if people |
| 664 | don't want to hear that their babies are ugly. |
| 665 | That's shocking. |
| 666 | I know. |
| 667 | Uh, there's Ross. |
| 668 | Hey, Ross. |
| 669 | Hello! Ross! |
| 670 | ( scoffs ) He's rude. |
| 671 | Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org |
| 672 | |
| 1 | Hey. Hi, everyone. |
| 2 | Hey. Hi. |
| 3 | Pheebs, what's wrong? |
| 4 | I'm just so exhausted from dragging around |
| 5 | this huge engagement ring! |
| 6 | Oh, my God! |
| 7 | Congratulations. |
| 8 | So did he get on one knee? |
| 9 | Did he have a speech prepared? |
| 10 | Oh, did he cry? |
| 11 | Yeah, big surprise-- I like proposals. |
| 12 | It was really sweet, |
| 13 | and like the most romantic thing ever. |
| 14 | Well, hey, well, here's to Phoebe-- |
| 15 | who's found the greatest guy in the world. |
| 16 | To Phoebe and... |
| 17 | I want to say... Mike? |
| 18 | To Phoebe and Mike! |
| 19 | Thank you. |
| 20 | Oh, and I have something for you. |
| 21 | Yeah, it's my little black book. |
| 22 | It's got the numbers of all the guys I've dated. |
| 23 | Oh, Pheeb... |
| 24 | That's nice, but you know what, |
| 25 | I think I'm okay. |
| 26 | Why don't you give it |
| 27 | to one of your other single girlfriends. |
| 28 | I would, but you're the last one. |
| 29 | Give me the book! |
| 30 | Pablo Diaz... |
| 31 | Grady Smith... |
| 32 | Guy in van...? |
| 33 | Ah, my first love. |
| 34 | Ah. |
| 35 | What is the red "X" next to Bob Greenmore's name mean? |
| 36 | Dead. |
| 37 | Oh, it's okay. |
| 38 | No, he was old. Yeah. |
| 39 | And he lived a full life. |
| 40 | He was in the first wave at Omaha Beach. |
| 41 | I'm sorry, I should have given you guys my black book |
| 42 | when I got married. |
| 43 | Although it wasn't |
| 44 | so much a book as a napkin. |
| 45 | With Janice's phone number on it. |
| 46 | RACHEL: Phoebe, |
| 47 | isn't Jethro Tull a band? |
| 48 | Oh, yes they are. |
| 49 | ♪ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ♪ |
| 50 | ♪ Your job's a joke, you're broke ♪ |
| 51 | ♪ Your love life's D.O.A. ♪ |
| 52 | ♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪ |
| 53 | ♪ When it hasn't been your day, your week ♪ |
| 54 | ♪ Your month, or even your year ♪ |
| 55 | ♪ But I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 56 | ♪ 'Cause you're there for me, too. ♪ |
| 57 | Hey, honey. |
| 58 | Hey, sweetie. |
| 59 | Is Monica not here? |
| 60 | No. |
| 61 | Then I'll tell you. |
| 62 | My agency was bidding for a big account and they got it. |
| 63 | It's my first national commercial. |
| 64 | Cool. |
| 65 | Yeah, and I don't want to brag, |
| 66 | but a lot of the ideas were mine. |
| 67 | Hell, you weren't there. |
| 68 | All the ideas were mine. |
| 69 | That's great. |
| 70 | Hey, can you cast me in it? |
| 71 | Oh, I don't know. |
| 72 | I really don't think you're right for the part. |
| 73 | What do you mean? |
| 74 | I can do anything. |
| 75 | I'm a chameleon. Huh? |
| 76 | ( with gravelly voice ): I'm old. |
| 77 | ( yawning ): I'm tired. |
| 78 | I am hot. |
| 79 | I'm cold. |
| 80 | Huh, come on, what can't I do? |
| 81 | First of all, bravo. |
| 82 | But I really don't think you're right for this. |
| 83 | The part calls for a stuffy college professor. |
| 84 | I can do that. |
| 85 | ( with haughty tone ): Hello. I'm your professor. |
| 86 | When I'm not busy thinking of important things or... |
| 87 | professing... |
| 88 | I like to use... |
| 89 | Oh, what's the product? |
| 90 | Software that facilitates |
| 91 | inter-business networking E solutions. |
| 92 | I'm cold. |
| 93 | Hey. |
| 94 | Hey! |
| 95 | Guess who's a finalist |
| 96 | for a huge research grant? |
| 97 | I'll give you a hint. |
| 98 | He's looking right at you. |
| 99 | Huh. Well, unless it's the creepy guy |
| 100 | with his hand up his kilt, |
| 101 | I'm going to say congratulations. |
| 102 | I'm so excited. |
| 103 | Apparently, I beat out hundreds of other applicants. |
| 104 | Including five guys I went to graduate school with. |
| 105 | Not that I'm keeping score or anything. |
| 106 | Five. |
| 107 | Wow, that's great. Yeah. |
| 108 | So, tell me about the grant. |
| 109 | Well, okay, it's for $25,000, |
| 110 | and if I get it, I'll finally be able |
| 111 | to complete my field research. |
| 112 | And there will be an article about me |
| 113 | in the Paleontology Review. |
| 114 | Yeah, it'll be the first time my name is in there |
| 115 | without people raising serious questions about my work. |
| 116 | Wait. Are you talking about the Dewer Grant? |
| 117 | Yeah, why? |
| 118 | Benjamin Hobart is administering that grant. |
| 119 | Your ex-boyfriend? |
| 120 | Yeah. |
| 121 | So your ex-boyfriend is going to determine |
| 122 | if your new boyfriend gets this grant? |
| 123 | Wow, your new boyfriend is screwed. |
| 124 | No, no. |
| 125 | We ended on great terms. |
| 126 | I mean, if anything, I think this could help you. |
| 127 | You know what? |
| 128 | Why don't we all go out to dinner together |
| 129 | and I can introduce you. |
| 130 | Well, if you think it would help. |
| 131 | Absolutely. I'll call him. |
| 132 | Okay, now, is there anything I can do to butter him up? |
| 133 | Anything he really likes? |
| 134 | Hmm... he does have a pretty serious latex fetish. |
| 135 | We'll see how dinner goes. |
| 136 | ( knocking ) |
| 137 | Hey. |
| 138 | Hey. You want to go see a movie? |
| 139 | Well, I told you I had to spend all day |
| 140 | clearing out stuff so Mike could move in. |
| 141 | Oh, right. |
| 142 | Oh, well. |
| 143 | Now that I'm here, I might as well help you |
| 144 | with your cleaning and organizing. |
| 145 | I just happen to have my label maker. |
| 146 | Oh, it's so hard to get rid of stuff. |
| 147 | Did you and Chandler have to make compromises |
| 148 | when you first moved in together? |
| 149 | Chandler did. |
| 150 | What does he want you to give up? |
| 151 | A bunch of stuff. |
| 152 | And the worst one-- |
| 153 | he wants me to get rid of Gladys. |
| 154 | Who's Gladys? |
| 155 | ( gasps ) |
| 156 | Wow. |
| 157 | What a tragic loss. Mm-hmm. |
| 158 | Yeah, I really hate to give her up. |
| 159 | Oh, I know! |
| 160 | Oh, you should take her! |
| 161 | I... I... I don't know. |
| 162 | What, you don't like her? |
| 163 | Well, of course I do. |
| 164 | What's not to like? |
| 165 | I'd take her in a minute. |
| 166 | But, you know, I think that you're giving up |
| 167 | too easy, honey. |
| 168 | I think that you need to fight for her. |
| 169 | Really, do you think? |
| 170 | Absolutely. |
| 171 | Yes, you say to him, "I'm sorry, Mike, |
| 172 | "I can't live without her. |
| 173 | She means too much to me." |
| 174 | Okay, I'll fight for her. |
| 175 | Okay. |
| 176 | Oh, wait, oh, I just realized, if I do that, |
| 177 | that means you don't get her. |
| 178 | Damn it, I did not think this through. |
| 179 | Hey, guys. |
| 180 | Hi. |
| 181 | Oh, any word on casting yet? |
| 182 | Joe, I told you, you're just not right for the part. |
| 183 | What do you mean? |
| 184 | Rach, don't I seem like a professor |
| 185 | you'd buy some kind of E crap from? |
| 186 | I'm sorry, this sounds like something |
| 187 | I'm never going to be interested in. |
| 188 | Look, come on, please. |
| 189 | It's not like I'm asking you for some crazy favor. |
| 190 | This is what I do for a living. |
| 191 | I am a professional actor. |
| 192 | Oh, man, I'm two hours late for work. |
| 193 | Look, here's a copy of my reel. |
| 194 | It's got all the commercials that I've been in. |
| 195 | Joe... |
| 196 | Just watch it. |
| 197 | And if you don't like it, |
| 198 | you don't pass it on to your bosses. |
| 199 | Fine. |
| 200 | Thank you. |
| 201 | Work, Joe. |
| 202 | Damn it! |
| 203 | What am I going to do now? |
| 204 | Just pass the tape along. |
| 205 | He's not right for the part. |
| 206 | So if I suggest to my bosses, |
| 207 | they're going to think I'm an idiot. |
| 208 | And that's something they should learn on their own. |
| 209 | Well, just tell Joey |
| 210 | that you watched the tape and you liked it, |
| 211 | but your bosses didn't. |
| 212 | Then, that way, you're the good guy |
| 213 | and they're the bad guy. |
| 214 | That's good. |
| 215 | I liked it, they didn't. |
| 216 | Joey, for God's sake, go to work! |
| 217 | I can't believe I'm about to meet Benjamin Hobart. |
| 218 | I've always thought of him as one of the people |
| 219 | I'd invite to my fantasy dinner party. |
| 220 | You think there's any chance |
| 221 | he'll bring Christy Brinkley or C3PO? |
| 222 | Sorry, looks like it's just him. |
| 223 | Charlie. |
| 224 | My God, you look absolutely stunning. |
| 225 | Well, I am having a good hair day. |
| 226 | It's so good to see you. |
| 227 | You, too. |
| 228 | ( clearing throat ) |
| 229 | I'm okay. |
| 230 | Um, I'm sorry. |
| 231 | Ross Geller, Benjamin Hobart. |
| 232 | It's an honor to meet you. |
| 233 | I mean, I can't tell you how long I've been |
| 234 | an admirer of your work. |
| 235 | I mean, that Nobel Prize... Whoo! |
| 236 | I mean, I have to tell you |
| 237 | that you're one of the reasons I got into the field. |
| 238 | Oh, well, likewise. |
| 239 | Uh, actually, |
| 240 | not likewise. |
| 241 | I'd never heard of you until this morning, |
| 242 | but it's nice to be nice. |
| 243 | Oh, shall we? |
| 244 | Yeah. |
| 245 | Thank you. |
| 246 | I can't believe that you chose this restaurant. |
| 247 | Do you remember the night? |
| 248 | Oh, my God. |
| 249 | I completely forgot. |
| 250 | Oh, my God. |
| 251 | I can't believe they let us back in this place. |
| 252 | ( all chuckling ) |
| 253 | ( shrill laughter ) |
| 254 | You weren't there. |
| 255 | No, but... |
| 256 | you know, it's just a funny image, you know, |
| 257 | the two of you in this restaurant |
| 258 | with... with the... hmm. |
| 259 | Ross, why don't you tell Benji about your proposal |
| 260 | while I go to the ladies' room. |
| 261 | Okay? |
| 262 | So, tell me about it. |
| 263 | Okay, well, |
| 264 | I would like to do a dig in the Painted Desert. |
| 265 | Mm-hmm. |
| 266 | See, there are still several areas |
| 267 | that haven't been fully excavated. |
| 268 | Break up with Charlie. |
| 269 | What? |
| 270 | What? |
| 271 | Did... did you just say "break up with Charlie"? |
| 272 | Well, yes and no. |
| 273 | Yes, I did say it, and no, I didn't not say it. |
| 274 | Um, kind of inappropriate, don't you think? |
| 275 | Listen... I'm sorry. |
| 276 | I just haven't seen her for so long. |
| 277 | All these feelings are rushing back. |
| 278 | I'm starting to realize how much I missed her |
| 279 | and I'm going to need you to break up with her. |
| 280 | Are you serious? |
| 281 | If you say yes, then I'm serious. |
| 282 | If you say no, then I'm joking. |
| 283 | No. |
| 284 | Joking it is. |
| 285 | Hi. Sorry I'm late. |
| 286 | Hey. How'd it go with Mike? |
| 287 | Is he going to let you keep the painting? |
| 288 | No. He really hates it. |
| 289 | But he's going to let me keep my box of human hair. |
| 290 | So, you got to pick your battles. |
| 291 | But the good news is, Gladys is yours. |
| 292 | Wow, what's the bad news? |
| 293 | Who's Gladys? |
| 294 | Oh, she's that work of art I made-- |
| 295 | you know, with the woman coming out of the frame. |
| 296 | Oh, and Monica gets to keep her? |
| 297 | In her house? |
| 298 | I am so jealous. |
| 299 | Oh, I didn't know you wanted her, too. |
| 300 | Well, I mean, sure, of course. |
| 301 | But... you already gave that to Monica, so... |
| 302 | No, no, I would give her up for you. |
| 303 | No, I couldn't let you do that. |
| 304 | But I want to. |
| 305 | But I don't want you to. |
| 306 | But I insist. |
| 307 | But I insist harder. |
| 308 | Okay, girls, girls, stop. |
| 309 | Okay, we'll flip a coin. |
| 310 | Heads she's Rachel's, tails she's Monica's. |
| 311 | Tails. Monica, she's yours. |
| 312 | That landed in your food. |
| 313 | No, no, that's okay. |
| 314 | You won fair and square. |
| 315 | I'm so sad. |
| 316 | Hey, Joe. |
| 317 | What's up? Bad news. |
| 318 | I watched the tape and passed it along to my bosses, |
| 319 | and they weren't interested. |
| 320 | Oh. |
| 321 | Sorry, man. |
| 322 | Well... |
| 323 | But, uh, you watched the tape? |
| 324 | Yeah. I-I-I liked it. |
| 325 | But, uh, |
| 326 | my bosses didn't go for it. |
| 327 | Stupid sons of bitches! |
| 328 | You didn't watch the tape. |
| 329 | What? Of course I did. |
| 330 | Look, it's one thing not to cast me, |
| 331 | but to lie to me? |
| 332 | I'm not lying to you-- I watched it. |
| 333 | There, you lied again. |
| 334 | I watched it! |
| 335 | Keep going, Pinocchio! |
| 336 | I did! |
| 337 | No, you didn't! I'm telling you, |
| 338 | I watched the tape! |
| 339 | Did you watch the tape? |
| 340 | No. |
| 341 | So, the selection committee has chosen the three of you |
| 342 | as our finalists today. |
| 343 | The ultimate decision will be based |
| 344 | upon the answers you give to the questions I ask here. |
| 345 | We're going to start with Dr. Li. |
| 346 | Dr. Li, you claim the field is too reliant |
| 347 | on the Linnaen taxonomic system. |
| 348 | How do you propose to correct this problem? Well, I believe |
| 349 | that the answers lie in the osteological evidence. |
| 350 | I plan to begin there. |
| 351 | Interesting. |
| 352 | ( quietly ): I guess. |
| 353 | Dr. Biely, your proposal includes some field work. |
| 354 | Where might that take place? Primarily |
| 355 | in the Pierre-Shale region of South Dakota. |
| 356 | Certainly. Very well. |
| 357 | And, Dr. Geller, when is my birthday? |
| 358 | What? I... I... |
| 359 | Care to venture a guess? |
| 360 | May 12? |
| 361 | That's not even kind ofclose. |
| 362 | Dr. Li, how many graduate students |
| 363 | will you be needing? |
| 364 | Half a dozen. I see. And Dr. Biely? |
| 365 | Three for excavation and two for analysis. Certainly. |
| 366 | Dr. Geller, which 1965 Shirelles hit |
| 367 | was later covered by a popular British Invasion band? |
| 368 | Wha...? I need six graduate students. |
| 369 | No, I'm sorry, we were looking for "Baby, It's You." |
| 370 | "Baby, It's You." |
| 371 | Wha... Wait, wait, wait just a minute. |
| 372 | None of my questions have anything to do with paleontology. |
| 373 | You're right. I apologize. |
| 374 | Scratch the last question. |
| 375 | Spell "Boscodictiasaur." |
| 376 | Um... I've never heard of a Bosco... dictiasaur. |
| 377 | Yeah, I just made it up. Spell it. |
| 378 | Okay. B-O... |
| 379 | No, it starts with a silent "M." |
| 380 | Oh, come on! |
| 381 | I can't believe Joey. |
| 382 | I hate being called a liar. |
| 383 | But you are a liar. |
| 384 | What did I just say? |
| 385 | You still here? Yes, |
| 386 | and I have to say, I am not just hurt, I am insulted. |
| 387 | When I tell somebody I did something... Okay, hold on, |
| 388 | let me just stop you right there, okay? |
| 389 | First you lied, right? |
| 390 | Then you lied about lying, okay? |
| 391 | Then you lied about lying about lying, okay? |
| 392 | So before you lie about lying about lying |
| 393 | about lying about... lying about... |
| 394 | Stop lying! |
| 395 | Why are you so sure I didn't watch this tape? |
| 396 | You know what? You want to know why? |
| 397 | Well, this is going well. |
| 398 | Here's how I know you didn't watch the tape, okay? |
| 399 | If you had seen what was on this tape, |
| 400 | believe me, you would have some comments. |
| 401 | All right, now, |
| 402 | remember, I got paid a lot of money for this, |
| 403 | and it only aired in Japan. |
| 404 | Icheban. |
| 405 | Icheban. Lipstick for men. |
| 406 | Icheban. Lipstick for men. |
| 407 | Seiko. |
| 408 | And that's how I know you didn't watch the tape! |
| 409 | ( door slams ) |
| 410 | He really is a chameleon. |
| 411 | Well, Gladys, say hello to your new home. |
| 412 | Oh, my. |
| 413 | Wow. Oh. |
| 414 | She's so nice and big. |
| 415 | Oh, Monica, where are you going to display Gladys, oh, so proudly? |
| 416 | Haven't really settled on a spot yet. |
| 417 | Oh, hey, how about right above the TV? |
| 418 | That way, it will be the first thing that you see |
| 419 | when you walk in the door. |
| 420 | Yeah! Yeah! |
| 421 | And you can get rid of that French poster. |
| 422 | I like that poster. Really? |
| 423 | It doesn't have anything coming out of it. |
| 424 | Or maybe |
| 425 | there's someplace for her in your bedroom. |
| 426 | Oh! There's nothing above your bed! |
| 427 | Are you still here?! |
| 428 | Oh, hi. |
| 429 | Hello. Uh, have you come to ask me |
| 430 | some more paleontology-related questions? |
| 431 | Um, your grandmother's nickname, perhaps? |
| 432 | Ann-Margaret's pant size? |
| 433 | I've come here to apologize. |
| 434 | I think I may have let my feelings for Charlie |
| 435 | interfere with the interview process. |
| 436 | No. Stop. |
| 437 | Anyway, I decided to offer you the grant. |
| 438 | Really? |
| 439 | Well, there is just one small stipulation. |
| 440 | I have to break up with Charlie? |
| 441 | Hey, you got one right. |
| 442 | You're crazy. |
| 443 | Crazy or romantic? |
| 444 | Crazy. |
| 445 | Or...? |
| 446 | Get out! |
| 447 | Oh, my God! |
| 448 | ( gasps ) |
| 449 | What-what? Joey, |
| 450 | what is this thing doing here? |
| 451 | I got it from Monica. |
| 452 | She sold it to me for a very reasonable price. |
| 453 | Joey, we're not keeping this. |
| 454 | But it's an original Buffay. |
| 455 | All right, fine, you can keep it. |
| 456 | As long as you don't mind |
| 457 | that she's haunted. |
| 458 | Wha-What? Whoa, what? What? |
| 459 | Well, legend has it, Joey, |
| 460 | that she comes alive when you're asleep. |
| 461 | She climbs |
| 462 | out of the frame |
| 463 | and then drags her half a body across the floor |
| 464 | just looking for legs to steal. |
| 465 | And then |
| 466 | with her one good hand, |
| 467 | she slowly reaches up |
| 468 | and turns your doorknob... |
| 469 | Get that legless witch out of here! |
| 470 | Hey, I sold that to Joey. Yeah? |
| 471 | Well, I told him it's haunted. |
| 472 | Two can play at this game. No, too late. |
| 473 | You can't give it back. Yes, I can. |
| 474 | No, you can't-- she's yours! She's yours! |
| 475 | She's yours! She's yours! |
| 476 | Hey. |
| 477 | She's mine! She's mine! |
| 478 | She's mine! She's mine! |
| 479 | You guys, you guys, you don't have to fight over her anymore. |
| 480 | Whoever doesn't get Gladys gets Glynnis. |
| 481 | ( gasps ) |
| 482 | I want Gladys! |
| 483 | She's mine! She's mine! |
| 484 | She's mine! |
| 485 | Look, I'm sorry |
| 486 | I didn't give them your tape, |
| 487 | and I promise next time to submit you |
| 488 | whether I think you're right for the part or not. |
| 489 | That's not the point, Chandler. |
| 490 | The point is that you lied. I know. |
| 491 | You're right. |
| 492 | What's it going to take for you to forgive me? |
| 493 | Oh, my God. |
| 494 | Excellent. |
| 495 | Now, what do you say? |
| 496 | Lying is wrong. |
| 497 | And? |
| 498 | And? |
| 499 | I'm a pretty little girl. |
| 500 | I knew it. |
| 501 | Your ex-boyfriend is insane. |
| 502 | Did you get the grant? No, I didn't, |
| 503 | and you want to know why? |
| 504 | Because your ex-boyfriend is still in love with you. |
| 505 | What? Yeah. |
| 506 | He wouldn't give me the grant |
| 507 | because I wouldn't give you up. |
| 508 | Benji isn't in love with me. |
| 509 | I mean, he broke up with me. |
| 510 | And besides, he's a very ethical man. |
| 511 | Really? |
| 512 | Is it ethical to ask someone in a grant review, |
| 513 | who was the voice of Underdog? |
| 514 | I'm sure he was just joking, Ross. |
| 515 | If you don't believe me, |
| 516 | let's go talk to him, okay? |
| 517 | I'm telling you, he didn't ask me |
| 518 | onepaleontological question. |
| 519 | Seriously? No, oh, I'm sorry, |
| 520 | no, he did ask me one. |
| 521 | Uh, how do you spell "Boscodictiasaur"? |
| 522 | Well, if it's like the Lake Bosco in Congo, |
| 523 | then M-B-O... |
| 524 | Damn it! |
| 525 | Dr. Geller? |
| 526 | Charlie. What are you... what are you doing here? |
| 527 | I want you to tell her everything-- |
| 528 | about the deal you tried to make with me, |
| 529 | about the-the crazy questions you... |
| 530 | Wally Cox. |
| 531 | That's the voice of Underdog. |
| 532 | Like I tried to tell you in the interview, Ross, |
| 533 | this grant is not based on your knowledge |
| 534 | of pretty useless trivia. No, no, no, don't do that. |
| 535 | I want you to look her in the eyes and tell her the truth. |
| 536 | Benji? |
| 537 | All right, it's true. |
| 538 | I behaved horribly, but it's only because I still love you, |
| 539 | and I would do anything to have you back in my life. |
| 540 | Too little too late, Benji! |
| 541 | I can't believe this. |
| 542 | I never should have broken up with you. |
| 543 | I think about you all the time. |
| 544 | I mean, |
| 545 | do you ever still think about me? |
| 546 | No. |
| 547 | Yes. What? |
| 548 | I don't know what to say, Benji. |
| 549 | This is all so... romantic. |
| 550 | Or...? |
| 551 | Listen, I know I may be way out of bounds here, |
| 552 | but is there any chance you would take me back? |
| 553 | Maybe. |
| 554 | Sweetie, this conversation's |
| 555 | starting to make me a little uncomfortable. |
| 556 | Oh, God. |
| 557 | I am so sorry. |
| 558 | I mean... |
| 559 | there's so much history between us, you know? |
| 560 | I'm sorry, too. |
| 561 | I-I love you. |
| 562 | I love you, too. |
| 563 | Okay, that's it-- we are seeing other people! |
| 564 | ( fabric ripping slowly ) |
| 565 | ( ripping continues ) |
| 566 | Gladys? |
| 567 | ( screaming ) |
| 568 | Ha-ha! |
| 569 | Third time this week. |
| 570 | Man, this does not get old. |
| 571 | ( panting ): You're mean! |
| 572 | Aw, don't be such a baby. Please. |
| 573 | ( screams ) |
| 574 | ( shouts ) |
| 575 | Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org |
| 576 | |
| 1 | Hey, you guys. |
| 2 | Hey. |
| 3 | Hey. What are you doing? |
| 4 | Oh, figuring out our wedding plans. |
| 5 | That's funny. We were doing the same thing. Yeah. |
| 6 | It's really crazy. |
| 7 | The hall, |
| 8 | the dress, the food-- |
| 9 | I-I had no idea how expensive this stuff was. |
| 10 | Yeah, it's really pricey. |
| 11 | I mean, I freaked when I first heard the numbers. |
| 12 | So what did you two do about it? |
| 13 | It's pretty simple actually. |
| 14 | I came up with a couple cost-cutting solutions, |
| 15 | wrote out a list, and Monica told me to go to hell. |
| 16 | ROSS: There is no way around it. |
| 17 | Pheebs, you're just going have to accept the fact |
| 18 | that this is going to cost you a lot of money. |
| 19 | I heard the weddings are like a $40-billion-a-year industry. |
| 20 | Yeah, and I'm responsible for just like half of that. |
| 21 | But, really, it does seem like this money |
| 22 | could be put to better use. |
| 23 | Are you serious? |
| 24 | Yeah. Now, how would you feel |
| 25 | if we gave all the wedding money |
| 26 | to charity, and-and we just got married at City Hall? |
| 27 | I figured it would make me want to marry you even more. |
| 28 | I've got to say, you guys, |
| 29 | that's, that's an incredible gesture. |
| 30 | Maybe you'd do that next time you get married. |
| 31 | No, no, no. |
| 32 | The next time it's going to be Hawaii at sunset. |
| 33 | But maybe the time after that. |
| 34 | Captioning sponsored by WARNER BROS. TELEVISION |
| 35 | and NBC |
| 36 | ♪ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ♪ |
| 37 | ♪ Your job's a joke, you're broke ♪ |
| 38 | ♪ Your love life's D.O.A. ♪ |
| 39 | ♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪ |
| 40 | ♪ When it hasn't been your day, your week ♪ |
| 41 | ♪ Your month, or even your year ♪ |
| 42 | ♪ But I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 43 | ♪ 'Cause you're there for me, too. ♪ |
| 44 | Hey. |
| 45 | Hey. Hey. |
| 46 | What's going on? |
| 47 | Our adoption social worker's coming by today, |
| 48 | so we're cleaning the apartment. |
| 49 | "We"? |
| 50 | You know you don't want me to help. |
| 51 | You can't have it both ways. |
| 52 | Hey, is this the person who decides |
| 53 | whether or not you get a baby? |
| 54 | Kind of. She's coming by |
| 55 | to interview us and see where we live. |
| 56 | And it has to go perfectly |
| 57 | because if she doesn't like something about us, |
| 58 | she can keep us off every adoption list in the state. |
| 59 | Hey, maybe I should stop by. |
| 60 | She could be a soap opera fan. |
| 61 | It's very impressive when the little people know a celebrity. |
| 62 | Little people? |
| 63 | Celebrity. |
| 64 | Okay, so I think I'm just about done here, |
| 65 | unless you have any bad stuff hidden somewhere, |
| 66 | like porn or cigarettes? |
| 67 | What?! |
| 68 | No! |
| 69 | Chandler? |
| 70 | I don't, and I'm offended by the insinuation. |
| 71 | Okay. |
| 72 | So there's not a magazine under the couch? |
| 73 | Or a pack of cigarettes taped to the back of a toilet tank? |
| 74 | Or a filthy video in the VCR? |
| 75 | I'll admit to the cigarettes and the magazine, |
| 76 | but that tape is not mine. |
| 77 | Well, it isn't mine. |
| 78 | Oh, I guess we'll never know whose it is. |
| 79 | May I help you? |
| 80 | Yes. We're here to make a rather |
| 81 | sizable donation to the children. |
| 82 | Well, any contribution large or small is always appreciated. |
| 83 | Well, I think you're going to appreciate |
| 84 | the crap out of this one. |
| 85 | Well, this is very generous. |
| 86 | And we don't want any recognition. |
| 87 | This is completely anonymous. |
| 88 | Completely anonymous. |
| 89 | From two kind strangers. |
| 90 | Mr. X and Phoebe Buffay. |
| 91 | Oh, if you like, we can include your names in our newsletter. |
| 92 | Not necessary. |
| 93 | Buffay is spelled B-U-F-F-A-Y. |
| 94 | And X is spelled... Mike Hannigan. |
| 95 | All right, well, on behalf of the children, |
| 96 | thank you both very much. |
| 97 | Sure. I'm so glad we did this. |
| 98 | It feels so good. |
| 99 | It does, it feels really good. |
| 100 | Oh, look, |
| 101 | and we get these free T-shirts! |
| 102 | Actually, that's the shirt I wore to the gym. |
| 103 | Mm, it's moist. |
| 104 | Rach. Hi! |
| 105 | Emma will be up in a minute. |
| 106 | Oh, good. |
| 107 | Oh, hey, Ross, listen, I heard about you and Charlie. |
| 108 | I'm really sorry. |
| 109 | Aw, that's okay. I'm sure there are |
| 110 | tons of other beautiful paleontologists out there. |
| 111 | Absolutely. |
| 112 | There was one! She's it! |
| 113 | All the rest look like they should live under a bridge! |
| 114 | So, uh, what are you going to do today? |
| 115 | Oh, I was thinking of taking Emma to the playground. |
| 116 | Oh, my God. What? |
| 117 | Like I said, I was thinking |
| 118 | of taking Emma to the Museum of Knives and Fire. |
| 119 | Okay, look, Ross, I do not |
| 120 | want Emma going to the playground. |
| 121 | Because... |
| 122 | All right, well, if you must know, |
| 123 | I had a traumatic swing incident when I was little. |
| 124 | Seriously? |
| 125 | Yes. I was four years old, |
| 126 | and I was on the swing, and then all of a sudden, |
| 127 | my hair got tangled in the chain... |
| 128 | And to get me out, my mom had to, |
| 129 | had to cut a big chunk of my hair. |
| 130 | ( choked up ): And it was uneven for weeks. |
| 131 | ( sniffling ) |
| 132 | And you made it through that? |
| 133 | I wonder who's going to play you in the movie. |
| 134 | Okay, fine, you can make fun of me, |
| 135 | I do not want Emma going there. |
| 136 | And I was thinking Claire Danes. |
| 137 | Look, I'm sorry to hear about your tragedy, |
| 138 | okay, but the swings are perfectly safe. |
| 139 | And besides, Emma loves them. |
| 140 | You know what? You should come with us and you'll see. |
| 141 | Ross, those things go, like, 40 miles an hour! |
| 142 | Okay, when you're at this moment, when you're at the top, |
| 143 | when you just don't know |
| 144 | if you're going to return back to Earth. |
| 145 | Space is filled with orbiting children. |
| 146 | Look, please, just... just come on. |
| 147 | You know what? When you see the look on Emma's face, |
| 148 | I swear, you won't regret it. |
| 149 | All right. |
| 150 | Good. |
| 151 | You know, you don't want to be one of those mothers |
| 152 | who pass on their irrational fears to their children, do you? |
| 153 | Irrational, huh? |
| 154 | All right, well, I'll remember that the next time |
| 155 | you freak out about a spider in your apartment. |
| 156 | Oh, yeah, that's the same. |
| 157 | I'm sure there are 30 different species of poisonous swings. |
| 158 | ( knock at door ) |
| 159 | Oh, my God, the adoption lady's early. |
| 160 | Okay, okay. |
| 161 | Here we go, here we go. Okay. |
| 162 | Stand up straight. |
| 163 | Big smile. |
| 164 | Hello. Is this the Creepy residence? |
| 165 | We're waiting for the adoption lady. |
| 166 | But hey, I'm glad you're here. |
| 167 | I was cleaning this morning, and I found this. |
| 168 | Now, I don't know if you want to use it, but... |
| 169 | Oh, this is so sweet of you. |
| 170 | Oh, but you know what? I won't be needing a veil. |
| 171 | I actually won't be wearing a dress at all. |
| 172 | I told you, I am not coming to a naked wedding. |
| 173 | No, no, no, |
| 174 | we're just... we're not having a big reception. |
| 175 | We took the money we're gonna spend on the wedding, |
| 176 | and we donated it to a children's charity. |
| 177 | That's crazy! |
| 178 | I'm sorry. I just... |
| 179 | I can't imagine giving up my one wedding day like that. |
| 180 | Yeah, well, we're different, you know. |
| 181 | I don't care about having a huge party. |
| 182 | This is really nice for you, |
| 183 | but, oh, please, I put this on |
| 184 | and ugh, I just look like... |
| 185 | well, radiant. |
| 186 | All right, but who cares? |
| 187 | You know, I don't need a pretty veil and a fancy dress. |
| 188 | That's right, you're making a commitment and, you know, |
| 189 | that's the same whether you do it at the Plaza or... |
| 190 | Where are you going to do it? |
| 191 | City Hall. |
| 192 | Oh! |
| 193 | Oh, that sounds nice. |
| 194 | Well, I was just there for jury duty. |
| 195 | They really spruced that place up. |
| 196 | Okay. No, it's okay. |
| 197 | It's okay, it's okay. |
| 198 | I made my decision. |
| 199 | What I really want is a great big wedding. |
| 200 | Yay! |
| 201 | But you already gave all the money to charity. |
| 202 | Well, just ask for it back. |
| 203 | I don't think you can do that. |
| 204 | Why not? |
| 205 | This is her wedding day. |
| 206 | That's way more important than some stupid kids. |
| 207 | That's sweet, honey, but save something for the adoption lady. |
| 208 | RACHEL: Okay. |
| 209 | Here we go. |
| 210 | All right, okay, be careful. |
| 211 | Okay. Be careful. |
| 212 | Watch her hair. |
| 213 | Watch her hair! |
| 214 | Rach, she's got, like, three hairs. |
| 215 | I know. |
| 216 | I know, but they're just so beautiful. |
| 217 | Oh, my God, I just pulled one out! |
| 218 | I promise you, she's safe, okay? |
| 219 | Now watch. Watch how much she loves this. |
| 220 | Okay, okay. Are you ready, sweetie? |
| 221 | Here we go. |
| 222 | Okay, careful. |
| 223 | ( cooing ) 'Kay. |
| 224 | ( cooing ) Oh. |
| 225 | ( cooing ) Oh! |
| 226 | She's smiling. |
| 227 | Oh, look at that! She just likes it. |
| 228 | See? I told you. |
| 229 | Oh... oh. |
| 230 | Oh! |
| 231 | ( giggling ) |
| 232 | Oh, my God! |
| 233 | Look at her, she's a little daredevil! |
| 234 | Oh, God, oh, let me push. Can I push? |
| 235 | Oh, absolutely. Okay. |
| 236 | Oh, gosh. |
| 237 | Okay, get the camera. |
| 238 | It's in the diaper bag. |
| 239 | Okay. |
| 240 | See? |
| 241 | Scared of the swings. |
| 242 | I bet you'll feel pretty silly. |
| 243 | ( screams ) ( yells ) |
| 244 | We're seriously asking for the money back? |
| 245 | It's for our wedding day. |
| 246 | All right, now, is this guy gay or straight? |
| 247 | 'Cause one of us's gonna have to start flirting. |
| 248 | Wow! You're here to make another donation the same day? |
| 249 | I don't think that's ever happened before. |
| 250 | Gay. Go. |
| 251 | Oh, my God, I love your shirt. |
| 252 | All right. |
| 253 | The donation we made earlier, |
| 254 | um, well, we... we want, we want it back. |
| 255 | Excuse me? |
| 256 | Yeah, see, okay, that money was for, um, |
| 257 | a big wedding that we thought we didn't want. |
| 258 | But it turns out we do. |
| 259 | So, you're asking us to refund your donation to the children? |
| 260 | Yeah. |
| 261 | This feels really good. |
| 262 | Yeah, I'm sor... I'm sorry, I am, but you know, |
| 263 | this wedding's just really important to me. |
| 264 | It's none of my business. |
| 265 | Besides, this is probably a good thing. |
| 266 | We've really been spoiling the children, |
| 267 | what with all the food and warm clothing. |
| 268 | That's not fair. |
| 269 | A person's wedding is important, and especially to me. |
| 270 | Okay? I-I didn't have a graduation party |
| 271 | and I didn't go to prom. |
| 272 | And I spent my sweet 16 being chased around a tire yard |
| 273 | by an... escaped mental patient |
| 274 | who, in his own words, wanted to kill me or whatever. |
| 275 | So, I deserve a real celebration, |
| 276 | and-and-and I'm not gonna let some sweaty little man |
| 277 | make me feel badly about it. |
| 278 | She could have been talking about either one of us. |
| 279 | ( knock at door ) |
| 280 | Hi. I'm Laura. |
| 281 | I'm here for your adoption interview. |
| 282 | Hi. I'm Monica. |
| 283 | And this is Chandler. |
| 284 | Hi. Please come in. |
| 285 | Thank you. |
| 286 | Would you like something to drink? |
| 287 | Oh, water would be fine. |
| 288 | Okay, great. |
| 289 | We're so glad that you're here. |
| 290 | We're really excited about getting this process started. |
| 291 | Because we love kids. |
| 292 | Love 'em to death. |
| 293 | Well, not actually to death. |
| 294 | That's just a figure of speech. |
| 295 | We love kids the appropriate amount. |
| 296 | As allowed by law. |
| 297 | Your place is just lovely. |
| 298 | Oh, thank you. |
| 299 | Yes, this building does have a wholesome family feel to it. |
| 300 | You know, I-I feel like I've been here before. |
| 301 | Are any other couples in the building adopting? |
| 302 | Is that-that couple on the first floor? |
| 303 | Because we should get a baby before them. |
| 304 | Yeah, that guy tried to sell me drugs! |
| 305 | But other than that, wholesome... |
| 306 | wholesome building. |
| 307 | Oh... |
| 308 | What? |
| 309 | I just realized why I remember this place. |
| 310 | Really? What is it? Oh, it's nothing. |
| 311 | I went on a date with a guy who lived in this building. |
| 312 | It didn't end very well. |
| 313 | That wouldn't by any chance be Joey Tribbiani? |
| 314 | Yes! |
| 315 | Of course it was. |
| 316 | Yeah, we had a really great night |
| 317 | and in the morning, he promised he would call me and he didn't. |
| 318 | Rat bastard! |
| 319 | So you're not friends with him? |
| 320 | Oh, God, no! |
| 321 | Nope. No, no, no. No. |
| 322 | No, nope. Nope. |
| 323 | No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no. |
| 324 | No! |
| 325 | No. |
| 326 | Well, I'm sorry I brought it up. |
| 327 | So, are either one of you planning on staying at home? |
| 328 | ( knock at door ) |
| 329 | JOEY: Hello?! |
| 330 | Anybody in there? |
| 331 | Order a celebrity? |
| 332 | Ow! |
| 333 | Wh-What's that? |
| 334 | Oh, it's just some crazy guy who roams the halls here. |
| 335 | He's great with kids, though. |
| 336 | Oh, God, Ross! |
| 337 | Oh, my God! Are you okay? |
| 338 | Son of a bitch! |
| 339 | Oh, relax. I didn't say the F-word! |
| 340 | Ross, see? |
| 341 | I told you those swings are evil! |
| 342 | All right, that is it. |
| 343 | That is the last time |
| 344 | Emma is getting on one of those things |
| 345 | for her entire life. |
| 346 | No! No, no, no, no. |
| 347 | Okay, it wasn't the swing's fault. |
| 348 | It was my fault... and kind of |
| 349 | that kid's fault. |
| 350 | Who is still laughing. Nice. |
| 351 | Ross, come on, please. |
| 352 | Could we just get out of here |
| 353 | before somebody else gets hurt? |
| 354 | No, wait-- okay, okay, I have an idea. |
| 355 | I want you to get on the swing, okay, |
| 356 | and you'll see that there's nothing to be afraid of. |
| 357 | I know what this is all about. |
| 358 | You've always been jealous of my hair. |
| 359 | Look, I just think you're an adult, okay? |
| 360 | And you should get over your silly fears. |
| 361 | All right, fine. I'll do it. |
| 362 | Good. If you hold a spider. |
| 363 | What?! Where?! Where?! |
| 364 | If you hold a spider. |
| 365 | I know. |
| 366 | ( groans ) |
| 367 | JOEY: Guys! Is everything okay? |
| 368 | It's me, Joey! |
| 369 | ( screams ) |
| 370 | Aah... gumption! |
| 371 | What's going on? |
| 372 | Oh, just like I said, that crazy... |
| 373 | Bert... |
| 374 | roaming the halls. |
| 375 | ( pounding ) Guys! |
| 376 | Keep on roaming, Bert! |
| 377 | We don't want any crazy today! |
| 378 | JOEY: What's going on? |
| 379 | We'll talk to you later, Bert. |
| 380 | Everything's fine! |
| 381 | Everything doesn't sound fine. |
| 382 | Is he all right, out there by himself? |
| 383 | Oh, yeah. He has a caretaker. |
| 384 | His older brother... |
| 385 | Ernie. |
| 386 | Bert and Ernie. |
| 387 | You can't make this stuff up. |
| 388 | You never told me about that guy and your Sweet 16. |
| 389 | Ugh! I'm sorry about that. |
| 390 | Oh, it ended okay. |
| 391 | One of my friends shot him. |
| 392 | Well, hey, at least you're getting a proper wedding. |
| 393 | I mean, you really deserve that. |
| 394 | Yeah, I really do. |
| 395 | You know, I had nothing growing up. |
| 396 | Just like the kids I took the money from. |
| 397 | No. |
| 398 | No, no, I see where this is going. |
| 399 | Don't make me go back there. |
| 400 | Look, I can't have a wedding with this money now. |
| 401 | It's tainted. |
| 402 | All right, fine. We'll give the money back. |
| 403 | And if that guy at the charity gives us a hard time, |
| 404 | my friend hasn't shot anyone in a really long time. |
| 405 | Well, I must say this seems like |
| 406 | a lovely environment to raise a child in. |
| 407 | Oh, by the way, you are more than welcome |
| 408 | to look under any of the furniture, |
| 409 | because, believe me, |
| 410 | you won't find any porn or cigarettes under there. |
| 411 | Oh, thanks. |
| 412 | Well, actually, before we look around, |
| 413 | let me make sure I have everything I need up to here. |
| 414 | Why don't I show you the baby's room? |
| 415 | What the hell are you doing? |
| 416 | Well, you wouldn't let me in, |
| 417 | so I thought you were in trouble! |
| 418 | Well, we're not! |
| 419 | But you called me Bert! |
| 420 | That's our code word for "danger." |
| 421 | We don't have a code word. |
| 422 | We don't?! |
| 423 | We really should. |
| 424 | From now on, "Bert" will be our code word for danger. |
| 425 | So that was the baby's room... |
| 426 | Uh, what room should we see next? |
| 427 | Any room that isn't behind this couch. |
| 428 | ( forced laughter ) |
| 429 | Some people don't get him, |
| 430 | but I think he's really funny. |
| 431 | I did not care for that. |
| 432 | You have to get out of here. |
| 433 | You slept with our social worker, |
| 434 | and you never called her back, |
| 435 | and she is still pissed, so she can't see you. |
| 436 | Oh, okay, okay, okay. |
| 437 | What?! |
| 438 | I forgot my bat. |
| 439 | Oh, my God! |
| 440 | And for the last time, |
| 441 | we do not want to be friends with you! |
| 442 | And we don't want to buy your bat! |
| 443 | What are you doing here? |
| 444 | Bert, Bert, Bert, Bert... |
| 445 | Are you friends with him? |
| 446 | I can explain. |
| 447 | Joey? |
| 448 | Uh, okay, uh... |
| 449 | Oh, yeah... you have got some nerve coming back here. |
| 450 | I can't believe you never called me. |
| 451 | Excuse me?! |
| 452 | Oh! Yeah! |
| 453 | Probably don't even remember my name! |
| 454 | It's Joey, by the way. |
| 455 | And don't bother telling me yours, |
| 456 | because I totally remember it... lady. |
| 457 | Yeah. |
| 458 | I waited weeks for you to call me! |
| 459 | I gave you my number; you never called me. |
| 460 | Don't try to turn this around on me, okay? |
| 461 | I am not some... kind of... |
| 462 | social work, okay, that you can just... do. |
| 463 | Well, I'm pretty sure I gave you my number. |
| 464 | Really? |
| 465 | Think about it. Come on. |
| 466 | You're a beautiful woman, smart, |
| 467 | funny. |
| 468 | We had a really good time, huh? |
| 469 | If I had your number, why wouldn't I call you? |
| 470 | I don't know. |
| 471 | Well, maybe I'm wrong. I'm sorry. |
| 472 | No, no, hey, no. Too late for apologies, okay? |
| 473 | You broke my heart. |
| 474 | You know how many women I had to sleep with to get over you? |
| 475 | Joey, wait! |
| 476 | No! |
| 477 | I waited a long time. I can't wait anymore. |
| 478 | I'm sorry that you had to see that. |
| 479 | I'm so embarrassed. |
| 480 | Oh, that's really okay. |
| 481 | Yeah, and we totally understand. |
| 482 | Dating is hard! |
| 483 | Boy, you people are nice. |
| 484 | ( laughs ) |
| 485 | And I've got to say... |
| 486 | I think you're going to make excellent parents. |
| 487 | Laura! |
| 488 | ( door slams ) |
| 489 | We're back. |
| 490 | Are you here to take more money? |
| 491 | Because I think what you're looking for is an ATM. |
| 492 | No, no, we're here to give the money back. |
| 493 | Yeah, 'cause, you know what, it's... |
| 494 | it's all about the children. |
| 495 | Although... |
| 496 | it's also about the wedding. |
| 497 | Ugh. All right. Here. |
| 498 | No. Oh, God! Oh... |
| 499 | If I haven't said so already, sir-- congratulations. |
| 500 | Okay, look, enough. All right? |
| 501 | I'm stepping in. I'm putting my foot down. |
| 502 | As your future husband, I'm going to make this decision for us. |
| 503 | Okay. |
| 504 | W-What do you think we should do? |
| 505 | You know what? It's not your decision anymore. |
| 506 | What?! On behalf |
| 507 | of the children of New York, |
| 508 | I reject your money. |
| 509 | B-But we're giving you this. |
| 510 | Yeah, and I'm giving it back to you. |
| 511 | Come on. Consider it a contribution. |
| 512 | Well, this is very generous. |
| 513 | Please, take the check. |
| 514 | Go have a great wedding and a wonderful life together. |
| 515 | Well, I mean, it sounds good to me. |
| 516 | And that way, we can save up, come back in a few years, |
| 517 | and make an even bigger donation. Absolutely. |
| 518 | And when you do, make sure you ask for Brian. |
| 519 | Oh, is that you? |
| 520 | No. |
| 521 | ( phone rings ) |
| 522 | Hello. |
| 523 | Oh, hi. |
| 524 | Oh, my God! |
| 525 | Really? |
| 526 | I can't wait to tell Chandler. |
| 527 | Okay. Good-bye. |
| 528 | Wrong number? |
| 529 | That was Laura. |
| 530 | She gave us a great report |
| 531 | and we are officially on the waiting list. |
| 532 | That's great! Now we just have to wait for a call |
| 533 | and someone tells us there's a baby waiting for us. |
| 534 | Oh! Aw... |
| 535 | ( phone ringing ) |
| 536 | Hello? |
| 537 | Have you seen Joey's bat? |
| 538 | Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org |
| 539 | Okay. I got a spider. |
| 540 | There were two. I picked the bigger one. |
| 541 | Okay... Okay. |
| 542 | ( gasps ) |
| 543 | This feels perfectly normal. |
| 544 | Okay, get on the swing. |
| 545 | Okay... |
| 546 | O... kay... |
| 547 | Okay. |
| 548 | Oop. Okay. |
| 549 | ( whimpers ) |
| 550 | Oh! |
| 551 | See? |
| 552 | Oh, all right. I can do this. |
| 553 | There you go! |
| 554 | Good for you! |
| 555 | And you know what? |
| 556 | I'm actually getting used to this little guy. |
| 557 | I don't really even feel him in here anymore. |
| 558 | That's 'cause he's on your neck. |
| 559 | ( shrieking ) |
| 560 | Oh, my God! |
| 561 | Oh! Ross! Ross! |
| 562 | |
| 1 | Hey, guys. |
| 2 | ( all greeting ) |
| 3 | We need to talk to you about something. |
| 4 | Yeah, we don't feel |
| 5 | like we can host Thanksgiving this year. |
| 6 | What?! Are you kidding? |
| 7 | Well, it's just with, uh, work and the stress of adoption, |
| 8 | we don't feel like we have the energy. |
| 9 | Plus, we don't think it's fair |
| 10 | that every year the burden falls on us. |
| 11 | That doesn't sound like you. |
| 12 | That's Monica talking! |
| 13 | No, no. |
| 14 | We made this decision together. |
| 15 | She's putting words in your mouth! |
| 16 | Don't you put words in people's mouths. |
| 17 | You put turkey in people's mouths. |
| 18 | I can't believe this. |
| 19 | This is Emma's first Thanksgiving. |
| 20 | No, it's not. |
| 21 | It's not? |
| 22 | When was she born? |
| 23 | Well, personally, I think it's great |
| 24 | you're giving yourself a break. |
| 25 | Thank you, Pheebs. |
| 26 | Sure. It's just as well. |
| 27 | I mean, last year wasn't very good. |
| 28 | I think she's losing her touch. |
| 29 | What?! You are way off, lady! |
| 30 | Am I? Really? |
| 31 | Am I? |
| 32 | Well, why don't you cook Thanksgiving dinner |
| 33 | and prove me wrong? |
| 34 | Well, think about it. |
| 35 | You'd be trying to top what you did last year. |
| 36 | You'd be in a competition with yourself. |
| 37 | That's my favorite kind. |
| 38 | Okay, we are doing this! |
| 39 | Don't let yourself get manipulated this way. |
| 40 | Stay out of this, Chandler! |
| 41 | This is between me and me! |
| 42 | We are supposed to make these decisions together. |
| 43 | Did you not watch the Dr. Phil I taped for you? |
| 44 | ♪ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ♪ |
| 45 | ♪ Your job's a joke, you're broke ♪ |
| 46 | ♪ Your love life's D.O.A. ♪ |
| 47 | ♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪ |
| 48 | ♪ When it hasn't been your day, your week ♪ |
| 49 | ♪ Your month, or even your year ♪ |
| 50 | ♪ But I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 51 | ♪ When the rain starts to pour ♪ |
| 52 | ♪ I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 53 | ♪ Like I've been there before ♪ |
| 54 | ♪ I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 55 | ♪ 'Cause you're there for me, too. ♪ |
| 56 | Hey. Hi. |
| 57 | Happy Thanksgiving! |
| 58 | Oh, yeah, happy Needless Turkey Murder Day. |
| 59 | Hey, guys, I ordered some chocolate pies |
| 60 | from that bakery on Bleeker. |
| 61 | Could you pick them up for me? |
| 62 | You're not making the pies yourself? |
| 63 | No, I don't make chocolate pies. |
| 64 | When I was younger, |
| 65 | I entered this pie eating contest |
| 66 | and I ate so many |
| 67 | that just the thought of them makes me sick. |
| 68 | Did you at least win the contest? |
| 69 | Two minutes, 12 pies, and a part of one tin. |
| 70 | Okay, I'll see you guys at 4:00. |
| 71 | Can't wait. |
| 72 | This dinner is going to be so great. |
| 73 | In your face, Last Year Me! |
| 74 | Hey, Rach, what's Emma doing today? |
| 75 | Well, let's see, uh, I know |
| 76 | that she has a meeting with her lawyer, |
| 77 | and then she has to make a very big poop. |
| 78 | Why? |
| 79 | Well, I want to enter her in a baby beauty pageant. |
| 80 | Oh, my God. |
| 81 | That's the creepiest thing I've ever heard. |
| 82 | Okay, but |
| 83 | before you say no, my friend Suzanne |
| 84 | is entering her kid and compared to Emma, |
| 85 | she's a real dog. |
| 86 | Oh! Phoebe, all babies are beautiful. |
| 87 | Uh, okay. |
| 88 | Just the idea |
| 89 | of pitting one baby against another, |
| 90 | I mean, you know, judging who's cuter |
| 91 | just for a trophy... |
| 92 | And $1,000. |
| 93 | ...is something I'm very interested in. |
| 94 | Oh, please, do not tell Ross. |
| 95 | He still believes |
| 96 | that what's on the inside is important. |
| 97 | Okay. Ooh, Emma needs a cowgirl outfit |
| 98 | for the competition. |
| 99 | Where am I going to get a cowgirl outfit |
| 100 | on Thanksgiving? |
| 101 | Well, I was thinking... |
| 102 | Take the clothes off Joey's Cabbage Patch Kid! |
| 103 | Yeah. |
| 104 | ( marching band playing ) |
| 105 | ( laughing ) |
| 106 | Did someone drop the baton again? |
| 107 | Why come all the way from Kansas to do that? |
| 108 | I don't get older, I just get better. |
| 109 | You know what just occurred to me? |
| 110 | This could be our last Thanksgiving |
| 111 | just the two of us. |
| 112 | I mean, we could be getting a baby soon. |
| 113 | You don't know that. |
| 114 | Somebody's going to pick us. |
| 115 | Yeah, but we haven't heard a thing |
| 116 | from the adoption agency, and it's been weeks. |
| 117 | I'm telling you, it's going to happen. |
| 118 | Next year, it's going to be you, me |
| 119 | and little Hemingway Bing. |
| 120 | What? He's my favorite author. |
| 121 | Name one of his books. |
| 122 | The Firm? |
| 123 | Okay, let's see. |
| 124 | Okay, the turkey's in the oven; the stuffing is ready... |
| 125 | You know, you always cook this meal all by yourself. |
| 126 | Let me help this year. |
| 127 | Aw, Chandler, that's sweet. |
| 128 | But you don't have to do everything |
| 129 | Dr. Phil tells you to do. |
| 130 | I'm serious. |
| 131 | Let me do something. |
| 132 | Just not the turkey or the stuffing. |
| 133 | Nothing high-profile. |
| 134 | Okay, let's see. |
| 135 | Oh, the cranberry sauce. |
| 136 | It's easy to make, |
| 137 | and no one really cares about it. |
| 138 | Tell me more. |
| 139 | Okay, I'm going to go check on something across the hall. |
| 140 | You start by washing these. |
| 141 | Not with soap! |
| 142 | You obviously haven't tasted my Palmolive potatoes. |
| 143 | Hey, hey, guess what Joey has? |
| 144 | Three tickets to today's Rangers game! |
| 145 | Dude, I wanted him to guess. |
| 146 | Oh. |
| 147 | Oh, my God! |
| 148 | Yeah, they're great seats, too. |
| 149 | Guess where they are. |
| 150 | Center ice. |
| 151 | Did I do something to you? |
| 152 | Mmm, the game's at 1:00. |
| 153 | ROSS: So? |
| 154 | Dinner's at 4:00. We'll never make it back. |
| 155 | We'll leave before it's over. |
| 156 | We'll be back in time. |
| 157 | You say that now, |
| 158 | but it could take us a long time to get back home. |
| 159 | Plus, Joey could get lost |
| 160 | and they could have to page us to go pick him up. |
| 161 | Dude, two times that happened! |
| 162 | Look, Monica's been working hard all day. |
| 163 | She didn't want to host this thing in the first place. |
| 164 | We shouldn't go. |
| 165 | He's right, man. |
| 166 | Yeah, I guess. |
| 167 | All right, so we'll see you at 4:00. |
| 168 | Okay. |
| 169 | And get ready to taste my very special cranberries. |
| 170 | Or should I say... Chanberries. |
| 171 | That's some gentle comedy, dude. |
| 172 | We're still going to the game, right? |
| 173 | Yeah. Yeah. |
| 174 | Our next contestant |
| 175 | is a two-year-old. |
| 176 | Her name is Jacqueline, and she comes from Mount Kisco. |
| 177 | Oh, Phoebe, listen, |
| 178 | I think we got to go. |
| 179 | This place is really freaking me out. |
| 180 | I've been watching this guy over there. |
| 181 | I don't think he came with a kid. |
| 182 | But we can't leave now. |
| 183 | There was this one baby, Hayley, who was favored to win, |
| 184 | and she got croup, so she had to stay home. |
| 185 | This competition just blew wide open, folks. |
| 186 | Phoebe, it's just too weird. |
| 187 | I just saw a one-year-old |
| 188 | running around with pantyhose on. |
| 189 | I know. We should have been more prepared. |
| 190 | It's okay. |
| 191 | Now, the way I see it, |
| 192 | our real competition now is Cameron. |
| 193 | Oh, my God. |
| 194 | They just took her sweater off. |
| 195 | Look at those arms. |
| 196 | Hello, Michelin man. |
| 197 | Oh, Phoebe! |
| 198 | Come on! |
| 199 | You know, it's already 3:00. |
| 200 | They haven't even gotten to Emma's group. |
| 201 | We got to go. We got dinner. |
| 202 | But Emma's got what it takes! |
| 203 | She could go all the way! |
| 204 | Phoebe, you have to calm down. |
| 205 | Okay, Rachel, the hottest babies in the tri-state area |
| 206 | are in this room right now. |
| 207 | I overheard one of the judges say |
| 208 | that not one of them holds a candle to Emma. |
| 209 | Really? Yeah. |
| 210 | You heard him say that? |
| 211 | Yeah. |
| 212 | All right. Okay. |
| 213 | All right, let's give these babies |
| 214 | something to cry about. |
| 215 | Good! Okay! Let's get down to business. |
| 216 | Emma needs some makeup. |
| 217 | What?! |
| 218 | She's going to look all washed out |
| 219 | next to the other contestants. |
| 220 | Phoebe, I am not letting you put makeup on my baby. |
| 221 | Why not? Because I already did! |
| 222 | Oh! You bum! Oh, you suck! |
| 223 | Get off the ice! You idiot! |
| 224 | What a game! |
| 225 | I know! |
| 226 | I can't believe Chandler is missing this. |
| 227 | Yeah, I'm sorry he's not here too, but I got to say, |
| 228 | I am really enjoying Nacho Chair. |
| 229 | Yeah, I'd probably enjoy it more |
| 230 | if you didn't keep batting my hand away. |
| 231 | ( yelling ) Oh, yeah! |
| 232 | These seats are great! |
| 233 | I know, I know. |
| 234 | When I was here for Holidays on Ice... |
| 235 | I was sitting so far away, |
| 236 | Michelle Kwan couldn't read my banner. |
| 237 | Whoa, hey, we better get going. |
| 238 | If we don't leave right now, |
| 239 | we're going to be late for dinner. |
| 240 | Oh, but it's a tie game. |
| 241 | So, we're a little late, you know? |
| 242 | The girls will be there. |
| 243 | Let's just stay for one more goal. |
| 244 | I don't know. |
| 245 | One more fight. Okay. |
| 246 | Where is everybody? |
| 247 | They're 45 minutes late. |
| 248 | I can't believe they're not here. |
| 249 | I slaved and I slaved for what? |
| 250 | They've ruined Cranberry Day! |
| 251 | How late are we? |
| 252 | 45 minutes. |
| 253 | Wow. Here. |
| 254 | Okay. |
| 255 | Rachel and Phoebe are already there, okay? |
| 256 | So, they probably started without us. |
| 257 | We can just slip in, |
| 258 | and no one needs to know where we were. |
| 259 | You may want to lose the foam finger. |
| 260 | Oh, no, no, no, no, no. |
| 261 | You just want to put it on your hand. |
| 262 | Hey. ( gasping ) |
| 263 | Oh! |
| 264 | You're not at Thanksgiving? |
| 265 | No! |
| 266 | No, we're late! |
| 267 | What are you doing here?! |
| 268 | We're late, too! |
| 269 | ( gasping and squealing ) |
| 270 | We figured we could be late |
| 271 | because you guys would be on time. |
| 272 | Don't point that thing at me, Tribbiani. |
| 273 | So, nobody's here?! |
| 274 | Monica's going to kill us. |
| 275 | Yeah, where were you? |
| 276 | ROSS: Yeah, what's with the trophy? |
| 277 | Um, well, uh... |
| 278 | We were at a spelling bee. |
| 279 | And I won! |
| 280 | You won an adult Thanksgiving Day spelling bee? |
| 281 | Yes. Y-E-S-- yes. |
| 282 | Let me see this. |
| 283 | "Grand Supreme Little Darling, New York Division"? |
| 284 | That's me. |
| 285 | You entered Emma in a beauty pageant?! |
| 286 | And it looks like she put makeup on her. |
| 287 | Wait a second, wait a second. |
| 288 | Where have I seen that cowgirl outfit before? |
| 289 | I can't believe this. |
| 290 | She's our daughter. |
| 291 | That you would treat her like some kind of show dog |
| 292 | is inexcusable! |
| 293 | She won $1,000! |
| 294 | So, this is an annual thing? |
| 295 | ( gasping ) |
| 296 | That's Alicia May Emory's outfit! |
| 297 | You guys, there are people in there |
| 298 | who are not getting any happier. |
| 299 | Yeah, what are we going to do? |
| 300 | I don't know. You guys figure it out. |
| 301 | I got to put Emma down for her nap. |
| 302 | And Rach, while you're in there, |
| 303 | throw something on Alicia May! |
| 304 | All right, what are we going to say? |
| 305 | Ooh! We'll say that we were mugged. |
| 306 | You can't get mad at someone who's been mugged. |
| 307 | Good, that's good. |
| 308 | But you don't look like you were mugged. |
| 309 | No. Here. |
| 310 | Hey! |
| 311 | Do you hear something? |
| 312 | They're out there! |
| 313 | ( gasping ) |
| 314 | Let me see! |
| 315 | Oh, my God, I can't believe this. |
| 316 | They're an hour late, |
| 317 | and they're just standing out there talking! |
| 318 | Everything's so distorted. |
| 319 | It looks like Joey has a giant hand. |
| 320 | That says Rangers on it. |
| 321 | They went to the game! ( gasping ) |
| 322 | Oh, they are in for a world of pain. |
| 323 | Ross' shirt is torn. |
| 324 | They're late, and they're sloppy! |
| 325 | All right, Emma's napping. |
| 326 | What happened to your shirt? |
| 327 | I got mugged, and they stole my pocket. |
| 328 | We're trying to figure out an excuse. |
| 329 | Hey, oh, how about this? |
| 330 | We could say that Monica told us 5:00, not 4:00. |
| 331 | That way, we're right on time. |
| 332 | Or...! |
| 333 | we could plant PCP in the apartment |
| 334 | and call the cops on her. |
| 335 | That would be a good way |
| 336 | to get rid of all the PCP we have lying around. |
| 337 | We'll just say that she said it was 5:00. |
| 338 | We'll just act casual. |
| 339 | We're not late. |
| 340 | We're right on time. |
| 341 | "We know you're out there." |
| 342 | ( gasping ) |
| 343 | ( sotto voce ): Who do you think it's from? |
| 344 | Oh, God, this is bad. |
| 345 | This is so bad. |
| 346 | Well, let's just go in there and face them. |
| 347 | Well, I'm not going in first. |
| 348 | I bet that vein on Monica's forehead |
| 349 | is popping like crazy. |
| 350 | Yeah, I hate that thing. |
| 351 | It's like a bolt of lightning. |
| 352 | Oh, hey, I have an idea. |
| 353 | Why don't we play Rock, Paper, Scissors, |
| 354 | and whoever loses goes in first. |
| 355 | Okay. All right, I'm in. |
| 356 | Ready? |
| 357 | Ha, ha! I win! |
| 358 | What is that? |
| 359 | That's fire. Beats everything. |
| 360 | Oh, really? Does it beat water balloon? |
| 361 | ( puncturing noise and hissing ) Oh... |
| 362 | Well played, Phoebe Buffay, well played. |
| 363 | All right, enough, come on. |
| 364 | Let's just go in at the same time. |
| 365 | ALL: Okay, okay. |
| 366 | It's locked. |
| 367 | Wha...? Oh, sure, |
| 368 | now they lock it, but when they're having sex |
| 369 | on the couch, it's like, |
| 370 | "Come on in. My butt is surprisingly hairy." |
| 371 | All right, come on. |
| 372 | All right, you guys! |
| 373 | We're so sorry we're late! |
| 374 | Please let us in so we can have dinner together. |
| 375 | No! |
| 376 | Everything's cold. |
| 377 | The turkey's dried out, |
| 378 | and the-the stuffing's all soggy! |
| 379 | Yeah, and there's a bowl of cranberry sauce that's... |
| 380 | What happens to cranberry sauce? |
| 381 | Nothing. It's fine. |
| 382 | Oh, thank God! |
| 383 | Come on, you guys. We're sorry. |
| 384 | Our-our subway broke down. |
| 385 | That's a lie! You went to the game. |
| 386 | I can see Joey's hand. |
| 387 | For the love of God, take it off! |
| 388 | You guys, come on. |
| 389 | It doesn't matter |
| 390 | why we're late. |
| 391 | We're all here now. |
| 392 | Please let us in so we can have some of your delicious turkey. |
| 393 | ( laughs ) |
| 394 | I had a dream once about a fax machine that did that. |
| 395 | That's all the turkey you're going to get! |
| 396 | How are we going to decide who gets this? |
| 397 | Water balloon! |
| 398 | What are we going to do? |
| 399 | I'm starving. |
| 400 | ( gasps ): Oh, I just remembered! |
| 401 | We do have something to eat. |
| 402 | Monica put something in our oven this morning. |
| 403 | Hey, you touch that, and you will be sorry. |
| 404 | Guys, I'd listen to her. |
| 405 | The vein is bigger than I've ever seen it! |
| 406 | Voila. ( laughs ) |
| 407 | Oh, my God, it's Brussels sprouts! |
| 408 | That's worse than no food! |
| 409 | Ha, ha! All you got was Monica's stinky Brussels sprouts! |
| 410 | Stinky? |
| 411 | Please let me stay on this side of the door. |
| 412 | Oh, I know! I still have my old key. |
| 413 | Ooh. |
| 414 | We can just unlock the door. |
| 415 | Well, I don't know if that's such a good idea. |
| 416 | They clearly don't want to be with us. You know what? |
| 417 | I don't want to be with them either, but it's Thanksgiving, |
| 418 | and we should not want to be together together! |
| 419 | If I could just get in there |
| 420 | and make a face-to-face apology, |
| 421 | you know, look 'em in the eye, |
| 422 | I know can I get 'em to forgive us. |
| 423 | I don't know... I'm telling you... |
| 424 | I can do it. |
| 425 | Yeah, he can do it. |
| 426 | RACHEL: Oh. |
| 427 | JOEY: All right. |
| 428 | Oh... |
| 429 | It all looks so beautiful. |
| 430 | The turkey, the stuffing... |
| 431 | The cranberries. ( scoffs ) |
| 432 | Enough! A monkey could've made 'em! |
| 433 | Hey, listen, guys, we feel really terrible. |
| 434 | He's doing that weird eye-contact thing. |
| 435 | Don't look at him. Don't look at him. |
| 436 | Come on, you guys. |
| 437 | We want you to know we're very, very sorry. |
| 438 | Right, guys? |
| 439 | ROSS: I feel terrible. So sorry. |
| 440 | But let's not ruin this day. |
| 441 | You've worked so hard. |
| 442 | Let's move past this, |
| 443 | and try to have a nice meal all together, huh? |
| 444 | The floating heads do make a good point. |
| 445 | Yeah, they do seem to feel pretty bad. |
| 446 | So bad. So bad. |
| 447 | So bad. |
| 448 | Okay. |
| 449 | Okay, you two go get the dessert, |
| 450 | and I'll let you in. |
| 451 | Dessert? |
| 452 | Yeah, I asked you and Phoebe to pick up the pies. |
| 453 | You did remember, right? |
| 454 | Pies. Oh, we thought you said "prize." |
| 455 | Here. |
| 456 | Grand Supreme Little Darling? |
| 457 | Congratulations! |
| 458 | Oh, my God, you forgot the pies?! |
| 459 | Well, I can't believe this! |
| 460 | You forced me to make dinner, |
| 461 | then you're an hour late, |
| 462 | and you forget the one little thing |
| 463 | that I asked you to do! |
| 464 | Really, girls, not cool. |
| 465 | Well, you man-heads aren't any better. |
| 466 | You lied about going to the game. |
| 467 | You knew it would make you late, and you still went anyway. |
| 468 | Hey! I'm getting a little tired of this, okay. |
| 469 | We said we're sorry! |
| 470 | It's Thanksgiving, for Pete's sakes! |
| 471 | A day of forgiveness! |
| 472 | It's a day to be thankful. |
| 473 | Don't make me come up there. |
| 474 | Fine. It's too late for apologies. |
| 475 | Let's just go. I don't need your stupid dinner. |
| 476 | That would be a lot more convincing if you weren't drooling. |
| 477 | Ew! Is that what that is? |
| 478 | Sorry. |
| 479 | Come on, you guys. |
| 480 | Let's just do our own Thanksgiving. |
| 481 | Yeah, I'll cook. |
| 482 | Yeah, let's go out. |
| 483 | Hey! |
| 484 | Yeah, you three have a nice Thanksgiving. |
| 485 | Yeah. The three of us? |
| 486 | You, Chan, and the vein! |
| 487 | ( gasps ) |
| 488 | ( scoffs ) |
| 489 | ( gags ) |
| 490 | Uh-oh. I'm stuck. |
| 491 | Joey, that is not going to work. No, seriously. |
| 492 | I'm really wedged in here. |
| 493 | I'll pull you through. Okay. |
| 494 | Ow, ow, ow, ow! Stop, stop! |
| 495 | I'm worried about damaging my head. |
| 496 | It's a little late for that. |
| 497 | Well, hurry up. You got to do something. |
| 498 | All right, well, |
| 499 | this does not change anything. |
| 500 | Okay, we need to get something |
| 501 | to grease the sides of his face. |
| 502 | Uh, we got turkey grease. |
| 503 | Bring it. |
| 504 | I just want to say that I'm sorry |
| 505 | I referred to the vein as a separate person. |
| 506 | All right, here you go. |
| 507 | Okay. |
| 508 | Ooh, that smells good. |
| 509 | Mm-hmm. |
| 510 | Okay. Okay, try it. |
| 511 | It isn't working! |
| 512 | All right, we're going to have to unscrew the chain. |
| 513 | Well, hurry. I can't feel my ears. |
| 514 | Can you ever feel your ears? |
| 515 | Interesting. |
| 516 | Chandler, where are your tools? |
| 517 | Ooh, I left them on my bulldozer. |
| 518 | I don't have tools. |
| 519 | Well, I do, but Rachel borrowed them. |
| 520 | I lent them to Ross. |
| 521 | I gave them to Joey. |
| 522 | I left them at the park. |
| 523 | I'm finding it really hard not to mess with him. |
| 524 | I've already stuffed a bunch of Brussels sprouts down his pants. |
| 525 | Nice. |
| 526 | ( phone ringing ) |
| 527 | Okay... I have to get that. |
| 528 | Now, when I get back, |
| 529 | I want you and your friends to be gone. |
| 530 | Thanksgiving is over! |
| 531 | The vein has spoken! |
| 532 | It's really starting to hurt. |
| 533 | Okay, look, I'm... I'm going to pull on the door, |
| 534 | and you guys push as hard as you can. |
| 535 | Maybe we can get enough room to wiggle him out, okay? |
| 536 | Okay, so push! |
| 537 | PHOEBE: Just a sec. |
| 538 | We're kind of in the middle of something here. |
| 539 | Oh! Stop putting things down my pants! |
| 540 | Come on, guys, push! |
| 541 | Yeah, come on! |
| 542 | Push! Push! Push! Push! Push! Push! |
| 543 | ( grunts ) ( screams ) |
| 544 | RACHEL: Oh! |
| 545 | My cranberries! |
| 546 | Oh, man, I got food all over me! |
| 547 | Ah! I can't believe what you did! |
| 548 | Monica's going to kill you! |
| 549 | Look, look, look what the... look what... |
| 550 | look, look, look what floating heads did! |
| 551 | I don't care. |
| 552 | What's going on? |
| 553 | That was the adoption agency. |
| 554 | And...? |
| 555 | We're getting a baby! |
| 556 | Are you serious?! |
| 557 | There's a pregnant woman in Ohio, and she picked us. |
| 558 | ( all cheering ) |
| 559 | I'm so happy for you. |
| 560 | This Thanksgiving kicks last Thanksgiving's ass! |
| 561 | Whoo! |
| 562 | To Monica and Chandler... |
| 563 | and that knocked-up girl in Ohio. |
| 564 | Hear, hear. |
| 565 | I'm just so happy you guys are finally getting a kid. |
| 566 | PHOEBE: I know. |
| 567 | Have you considered pageanting? |
| 568 | I can't believe they called. |
| 569 | We're actually getting a baby. |
| 570 | Oh, I know how you feel. |
| 571 | Really? |
| 572 | Sure. I went through the exact same thing |
| 573 | with Alicia May Emory. |
| 574 | The waiting, the wondering... |
| 575 | then one day, I get that call from Toys "R" Us. |
| 576 | She was in stock. |
| 577 | That is the exact same thing. |
| 578 | Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org |
| 579 | |
| 1 | Hey. |
| 2 | Hey. Hey. |
| 3 | We're just here to say goodbye. |
| 4 | We're off to Ohio. |
| 5 | Oh, right, your adoption interview. |
| 6 | Yep. We're going to meet the lady |
| 7 | who could be carrying our baby. |
| 8 | I can't believe it. |
| 9 | When you guys come back you're gonna have a baby. |
| 10 | That is so weird. |
| 11 | And so incorrect. |
| 12 | She's only a couple months pregnant. |
| 13 | And she liked our application, |
| 14 | but who knows if she's gonna like us. |
| 15 | Oh, come on. She's going to love you guys. |
| 16 | Thank you, but we're really trying not to get our hopes up. |
| 17 | And a lot could still get in our way. |
| 18 | Yeah, I mean, this girl could decide against adoption, |
| 19 | or she could like another couple better... |
| 20 | What are you going to name the baby? |
| 21 | I could develop a condition in which I talk and talk |
| 22 | and no one hears a word. |
| 23 | But just think, okay? |
| 24 | What if everything goes right? |
| 25 | What if this woman does pick you guys? |
| 26 | Oh, my God. |
| 27 | She's gonna pick us. |
| 28 | So we're standing firm on the not getting our hopes up? |
| 29 | No, I know things could still go wrong. |
| 30 | But if they don't, if this works out, |
| 31 | we're gonna have a baby, Chandler. A baby! |
| 32 | Yes, but... |
| 33 | Oh, my God, it's gonna work! |
| 34 | We're gonna make it work! |
| 35 | I'm gonna be a mommy and you're gonna be a daddy! |
| 36 | I'll see you, suckers. I'm gonna go get me a baby! |
| 37 | Aw, screw it. I'm gonna be a daddy! |
| 38 | ♪ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ♪ |
| 39 | ♪ Your job's a joke, you're broke ♪ |
| 40 | ♪ Your love life's D.O.A. ♪ |
| 41 | ♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪ |
| 42 | ♪ When it hasn't been your day, your week ♪ |
| 43 | ♪ Your month, or even your year ♪ |
| 44 | ♪ But I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 45 | ♪ 'Cause you're there for me, too. ♪ |
| 46 | Hey, who's Phoebe with? |
| 47 | I want to say someone I'm gonna have sex with. |
| 48 | Hey. Hey. |
| 49 | So, uh, who's your friend? |
| 50 | Oh, that's Sarah. |
| 51 | No, don't you get any ideas, okay? |
| 52 | I'm not setting you up with any more of my friends. |
| 53 | Whoa, whoa, why? Because |
| 54 | you'll date her once, sleep with her, |
| 55 | and then forget she exists. |
| 56 | Name one friend of yours that I did that with. |
| 57 | Mandy. Mandy, huh? |
| 58 | Uh... |
| 59 | Really hot blonde, big boobs? |
| 60 | No. |
| 61 | Maybe why I don't remember her, huh? |
| 62 | Do you think I'm someone else? |
| 63 | Okay, I may not have treated your friends well in the past. |
| 64 | But I have grown up a lot. |
| 65 | Really. Honest. Rach? |
| 66 | Yeah, believe it or not, it's true. |
| 67 | When Joey and I were together, he was wonderful. |
| 68 | He was thoughtful and mature. |
| 69 | And for the one week that we went out, |
| 70 | he didn't sleep with anybody else. |
| 71 | Growth. |
| 72 | Fine. I'll give you her number. |
| 73 | Okay, thank you. |
| 74 | And I promise you I will not forget this one. |
| 75 | Mandy. |
| 76 | Sarah! Sarah. |
| 77 | Hey. Hi. |
| 78 | Hey, you guys, I need some fashion advice. |
| 79 | How does this look? |
| 80 | Well, it's a little low. |
| 81 | Pick it up a little. |
| 82 | Little bit more. |
| 83 | Little bit more. |
| 84 | There you go. |
| 85 | Now throw it away. |
| 86 | Come on, this looks good. |
| 87 | Ross, please. Trust me. |
| 88 | I buy 30 fashion magazines a month. |
| 89 | Now, I don't know who's running for President |
| 90 | or who that NATO guy is, but I do know |
| 91 | you have to get as far away as you can from that hat. |
| 92 | Damn it. |
| 93 | I have this date tomorrow night and I have to look cool. |
| 94 | You know, if you want fashion help, |
| 95 | Rachel and I are going shopping tomorrow. |
| 96 | You're more than welcome to come with us. |
| 97 | Really? That would be great. |
| 98 | I mean, I have to do something. |
| 99 | She kind of teased me about how I dress. |
| 100 | I can see why. Nice shirt. |
| 101 | You're wearing the same shirt. |
| 102 | Stupid Gap on every corner! |
| 103 | Please make yourselves comfortable |
| 104 | and I'll be back in a moment with Erica. |
| 105 | Okay, thank you. |
| 106 | Well, this is it. |
| 107 | Are you okay? |
| 108 | Yeah. It's just weird, you know? |
| 109 | It's like, uh, "Hi, I'm Chandler. |
| 110 | May I have the human growing inside you?" |
| 111 | You're going to be great. |
| 112 | You're going to be great. |
| 113 | Well, obviously. |
| 114 | Monica, Chandler, I'd like you to meet Erica. |
| 115 | Hi. It is so, so nice to meet you. |
| 116 | Thank you so much for agreeing to see us. |
| 117 | I'll let you get acquainted. |
| 118 | Okay. Thanks. |
| 119 | So it's Monica and Chandler? |
| 120 | I only know you as file CRW 33815-D. |
| 121 | That's what our friends call us. |
| 122 | Gosh, you know, you're just such an amazing couple. |
| 123 | It's kind of intimidating. |
| 124 | I don't know about that. |
| 125 | Are you kidding me? |
| 126 | I mean, it's enough that you're a doctor... |
| 127 | but on top of it, you're married to a reverend. |
| 128 | I don't think that's exactly... |
| 129 | Let her finish, Doctor. |
| 130 | Hey. Hey. |
| 131 | Oh, my friend Sarah had a great time last night. |
| 132 | Yeah, so you going to call this one back? |
| 133 | No. |
| 134 | But what are you talking about? Sarah's great. |
| 135 | Oh, really? |
| 136 | You want to know what your "great" friend did? |
| 137 | We were out to dinner, okay? |
| 138 | We were getting along, having a really nice time. |
| 139 | I was thinking she was really cool. |
| 140 | And then, out of nowhere... |
| 141 | ( spooky music plays ) |
| 142 | That's it? |
| 143 | That's why you won't go out with her again? |
| 144 | So she took a few fries. Big deal. |
| 145 | Hey, look, it's not about a few fries. |
| 146 | It's about what the fries represent. |
| 147 | What? All food! |
| 148 | Well, I'm sorry. |
| 149 | I can't believe I set you up with such a monster. |
| 150 | Hey, look, I take a girl out, |
| 151 | she can order whatever she wants. |
| 152 | The more, the better, all right? |
| 153 | Just don't order a garden salad and then eat my food. |
| 154 | That's a good way to lose some fingers. |
| 155 | Oh, thank God you're here. |
| 156 | Listen to this. |
| 157 | So, Joey and my friend are out last night, |
| 158 | they're having dinner. |
| 159 | And she reaches over and takes a few of his fries... |
| 160 | ( gasps ): Oh, no. |
| 161 | What? |
| 162 | You know about the plate thing? |
| 163 | Oh, yeah, yeah. |
| 164 | Joey doesn't share food. |
| 165 | I mean, just last week we were having breakfast |
| 166 | and he had a couple of grapes on his plate... |
| 167 | You wouldn't let her have a grape? |
| 168 | Oh, no, not me. Emma. |
| 169 | Joey doesn't share food! |
| 170 | Well, I still think that is a stupid reason |
| 171 | not to call someone again. |
| 172 | You are calling her. |
| 173 | And if you need to, |
| 174 | then just get an extra plate of fries for the table. |
| 175 | I like that. |
| 176 | A sharing buffer. |
| 177 | Yeah, I'll order some extra fries, |
| 178 | maybe a plate of onion rings. |
| 179 | Yeah. Yeah. |
| 180 | And a shrimp cocktail. |
| 181 | And some buffalo wings. |
| 182 | And maybe, maybe an individual pizza. |
| 183 | And some mozzarella sticks... |
| 184 | What were we talking about? |
| 185 | Wow, this place is awesome. |
| 186 | You know what, we should just go. |
| 187 | I'm not going to find anything here. |
| 188 | This stuff is ridiculous. |
| 189 | Oh, this place is great! |
| 190 | Wow. |
| 191 | Rach, come on, I'm not going to wear any of this. |
| 192 | Nothing silver. |
| 193 | Wha...? |
| 194 | Nothing with hair. |
| 195 | ( gasps ) |
| 196 | And nothing with padlocks on it. |
| 197 | Ross, look, okay? |
| 198 | I know that some of this stuff is out there, |
| 199 | but I mean, come on, look at this. |
| 200 | Look at this sweater. |
| 201 | I mean, this is just beautiful. |
| 202 | Wow. This is really soft. |
| 203 | $350?! |
| 204 | Down from $700. |
| 205 | You're saving, like, 200 bucks. |
| 206 | Both logic and math are taking a serious hit today. |
| 207 | Hey, check this out. |
| 208 | It's totally you. |
| 209 | Wow. |
| 210 | Wow, actually, this looks pretty good. |
| 211 | Yeah. |
| 212 | "Boys will be boys"? |
| 213 | What? They will be. |
| 214 | All right, that's it. I'm getting out of here. |
| 215 | No, no, Ross, wait. |
| 216 | Come on, all right? |
| 217 | You know what, there's other stuff here. |
| 218 | Some nice shirts, look at these nice pants. |
| 219 | Actually, these might look pretty good on me. |
| 220 | Yes, they will. |
| 221 | You know what you should do? |
| 222 | Just go take a walk. |
| 223 | I know your size, |
| 224 | and I'm gonna pick out some really good stuff for you. |
| 225 | Really? |
| 226 | Yes. And I know what looks sexy on guys. |
| 227 | Please, just wear what I suggest |
| 228 | and she is gonna go nuts for you. |
| 229 | So you're saying if I wear these pants |
| 230 | I might be getting into hers? |
| 231 | Why do men keep talking to me like this? |
| 232 | So, the fact that I'm a doctor and my wife is a reverend, |
| 233 | that's important to you? |
| 234 | Yeah, I read some great applications. |
| 235 | But then I thought, |
| 236 | who better than a minister to raise a child? |
| 237 | Amen. |
| 238 | Plus, I thought the baby would be in good hands with a doctor. |
| 239 | Good hands. |
| 240 | Healing hands. |
| 241 | Reverend, can I ask? |
| 242 | Does the Bible say anything about adoption? |
| 243 | It says do it. |
| 244 | "And behold, she did adopt unto them a baby. |
| 245 | And it was good." |
| 246 | Wow. |
| 247 | Yeah. Wow. |
| 248 | I was wondering, you both have such serious jobs. |
| 249 | Would you have time to take care of a baby and your flock? |
| 250 | No, my flock... my flock is good. |
| 251 | Yeah, my flock pretty much |
| 252 | takes care of themselves by this point. |
| 253 | Good flock. |
| 254 | Flock, flock, flock. |
| 255 | But being a doctor, that must take up a lot of time. |
| 256 | Not for me, it doesn't. |
| 257 | So, how's everything going in here? |
| 258 | We're great. |
| 259 | I think I may have asked all my questions. |
| 260 | Well, do you have any questions for Erica? |
| 261 | Yeah, actually. |
| 262 | So, you read a file that you liked, |
| 263 | and then you gave the agency the serial number, |
| 264 | and they contacted us? |
| 265 | Yes, our system insures total anonymity. |
| 266 | We're very proud of it. |
| 267 | You should be. |
| 268 | You're really on top of stuff. |
| 269 | Well, then if there's nothing else, |
| 270 | then the two of us should talk. |
| 271 | I actually... |
| 272 | I don't think we have to. |
| 273 | You don't? |
| 274 | Yeah, when I read about you two |
| 275 | I was pretty sure I wanted you. |
| 276 | But I just thought we should meet face to face. |
| 277 | I've made my decision. |
| 278 | I choose them. |
| 279 | Oh, my God, this is great. |
| 280 | This is so great. Did you hear that? |
| 281 | Yeah. I did. |
| 282 | Thank you. Thank you so much. |
| 283 | You are so going to heaven! |
| 284 | We got some really great stuff. |
| 285 | Yeah. Yeah, but I'm not sure about some of the bras I got. |
| 286 | Oh, really? Do you want to try some of them on for me? |
| 287 | Oh, okay. |
| 288 | Wait, are we in Joey's imagination? |
| 289 | Oh, no. |
| 290 | I took one of Ross' bags by mistake. |
| 291 | And one of mine is missing. |
| 292 | Oh, well, Ross probably has it. |
| 293 | You can get it from him later. |
| 294 | So... what do you think? |
| 295 | I think we're not wearing the same shirt anymore. |
| 296 | Yeah. Yeah, Rachel picked it out for me. |
| 297 | She told me to trust her, |
| 298 | and you know what, I'm glad I did. |
| 299 | I turned quite a few heads on my way over here. |
| 300 | Dude, I really don't think you should be wearing that. |
| 301 | Oh, I see. |
| 302 | Somebody's afraid of little competition with the ladies? |
| 303 | Looks like someone is the ladies. |
| 304 | You're just jealous because you couldn't pull this off. |
| 305 | Yeah. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a date. |
| 306 | See, all eyes on me. |
| 307 | We are not signing those papers. |
| 308 | Why not? |
| 309 | It's wrong. |
| 310 | They made a mistake. |
| 311 | They think we're somebody else. |
| 312 | God works in mysterious ways. |
| 313 | You have got to stop. |
| 314 | But she liked us. |
| 315 | She likes Dr. Chandler and Reverend Monica. |
| 316 | If you think about it, I'm kind of like a reverend. |
| 317 | I mean, as a chef, |
| 318 | I serve God by feeding the hungry and poor. |
| 319 | Your veal chop is $34.95. |
| 320 | Come on, Chandler, I think we've been given an opportunity. |
| 321 | The mistake has already been made. |
| 322 | They're writing up the papers right now. |
| 323 | But we're not the one she chose. |
| 324 | How can you feel okay about this? |
| 325 | Because... |
| 326 | We may not be who she thinks we are, |
| 327 | but no one will ever love that baby more than us. |
| 328 | I know. |
| 329 | I mean, who knows how long it's going to take |
| 330 | for someone else to give us a baby? |
| 331 | What if no one ever picks us? |
| 332 | Oh, honey... |
| 333 | Please. |
| 334 | Please, we are so close. |
| 335 | Monica, I want a baby, too, |
| 336 | but this woman is giving away her child. |
| 337 | She deserves to know who it's going to. |
| 338 | Okay, you're right. |
| 339 | So, we'll tell the truth, and who knows, |
| 340 | you know, maybe she'll like us for us. |
| 341 | Maybe she will. |
| 342 | Why couldn't I have been a reverend? |
| 343 | You're Jewish. |
| 344 | Technicality. |
| 345 | Garden salad for the lady. |
| 346 | Oh, that looks great. |
| 347 | Good ordering. |
| 348 | Seafood platter for the gentleman, |
| 349 | and extra fries. |
| 350 | Enjoy. |
| 351 | Mm, those fries look delicious. |
| 352 | Oh, I didn't know you liked French fries. |
| 353 | Help yourself. What's mine is yours. |
| 354 | Oh, wow, are those stuffed clams? |
| 355 | Uh, yes they are my stuffed clams. |
| 356 | How about those fries, though, huh? |
| 357 | They're delicious. |
| 358 | You are beautiful, you know that? |
| 359 | That is so sweet. |
| 360 | Okay, yeah. |
| 361 | Now look what you did! |
| 362 | What is the matter with you? |
| 363 | I don't like it when people take food off of my plate, okay? |
| 364 | But you just said what's mine is yours. |
| 365 | Well, I didn't mean it! |
| 366 | Fine. Sorry. |
| 367 | I didn't think it was that big a deal. |
| 368 | No, I'm sorry. |
| 369 | I'm overreacting, okay? |
| 370 | It's just... when it comes to food I have certain rules, okay? |
| 371 | I mean, |
| 372 | there are things you do and, you know, things that you don't do. |
| 373 | Wow. This place looks great. |
| 374 | Oh, you are going to love it. |
| 375 | And I'm glad we're finally doing this. |
| 376 | Me, too. |
| 377 | Here. |
| 378 | So this was fun. |
| 379 | Look, I really am sorry about, you know, before, |
| 380 | and I just want to make sure you know |
| 381 | that I really do like you. |
| 382 | Sure. Just not as much as clams. |
| 383 | Well, stuffed clams. |
| 384 | Chocolate torte for the lady. |
| 385 | Cheesecake for the gentleman. |
| 386 | Excuse me, sir. |
| 387 | There seems to be some sort of red crap on my cheesecake. |
| 388 | Oh, yes, that's a raspberry coulis. |
| 389 | I'm so stupid ordering cheesecake. |
| 390 | Trying to be healthy. |
| 391 | Oh, my God. Mm! |
| 392 | All right, I'll just have what she's having instead. |
| 393 | Oh, I'm sorry, sir. That was our last piece. |
| 394 | Mm, mm. |
| 395 | ( beeping ) |
| 396 | Oh, no. |
| 397 | This is work. |
| 398 | I should call in. |
| 399 | Can you excuse me? |
| 400 | Oh, yeah, sure, no problem. |
| 401 | What are you doing? |
| 402 | I thought you don't share food. |
| 403 | Sure I do. |
| 404 | Coulis? |
| 405 | No. |
| 406 | If I can't have your clams, you can't have my dessert. |
| 407 | This is a two-way street. |
| 408 | ( chuckles ) |
| 409 | Really? |
| 410 | Really. |
| 411 | Now this all better be here when I come back. |
| 412 | Yeah, of course. |
| 413 | I can control myself. |
| 414 | Stop staring at me! |
| 415 | Oh, just a tiny little... |
| 416 | Uh-oh. |
| 417 | I'm not even sorry. |
| 418 | Hi. |
| 419 | Hey. |
| 420 | So these are the preliminary forms |
| 421 | for an open adoption. |
| 422 | There's a lot to go over, |
| 423 | but I'll explain everything as we go through. |
| 424 | Is that... is that a picture? |
| 425 | Yeah, it's a sonogram they took of the baby last week. |
| 426 | I thought you might want to see it. |
| 427 | Look, Doctor. |
| 428 | Look, before we sign anything, |
| 429 | we really have to talk. |
| 430 | We're not who you think we are. |
| 431 | I don't understand. |
| 432 | The agency must have made some mistake. |
| 433 | My wife is not a reverend, |
| 434 | and I'm not a doctor. |
| 435 | What? |
| 436 | That's impossible. |
| 437 | I could perform an operation on you |
| 438 | and prove it if you'd like. |
| 439 | I have to check your file. |
| 440 | Excuse me. |
| 441 | So, who are you? |
| 442 | Well, our names really are Monica and Chandler. |
| 443 | We're from New York. |
| 444 | But the important thing to know about us |
| 445 | is how much we would care for this little baby. |
| 446 | So, you lied to me before? |
| 447 | Well, we "bore false witness." |
| 448 | See? I could be a reverend. |
| 449 | I can't believe this. |
| 450 | We were hoping that since we told you the truth, |
| 451 | that you still might consider... |
| 452 | Giving you my baby? |
| 453 | You think I'd give you my child after this?! |
| 454 | You don't have to decide right now. |
| 455 | But if you could just look at our file... |
| 456 | I don't want to look at your file! |
| 457 | This is over. |
| 458 | Erica, wait. |
| 459 | I have nothing to say to you. |
| 460 | You have every reason to be upset. |
| 461 | We did lie, |
| 462 | but only because we've been waiting |
| 463 | and trying to have baby for so long. |
| 464 | And we don't know how long it's going to be |
| 465 | before we get another chance again. |
| 466 | Why don't you ask the reverend to pray on it. |
| 467 | Erica, please. |
| 468 | Just consider us. |
| 469 | Ask them to see our file. |
| 470 | Our last name's Bing. |
| 471 | My wife's a chef and I'm in advertising. |
| 472 | Oh, yeah. |
| 473 | I actually liked you guys. |
| 474 | It doesn't matter, because what you did was wrong. |
| 475 | But you did like us. |
| 476 | And you should. |
| 477 | My wife's an incredible woman. |
| 478 | She's loving and devoted and caring. |
| 479 | And don't tell her I said this, but the woman's always right. |
| 480 | I love my wife more than anything in this world. |
| 481 | And it... it kills me that I can't give her a baby. |
| 482 | I really want a kid. |
| 483 | And when that day finally comes, |
| 484 | I'll learn how to be a good dad. |
| 485 | But my wife... |
| 486 | she's already there. |
| 487 | She's a mother... |
| 488 | without a baby. |
| 489 | Please. |
| 490 | You still want that baby? |
| 491 | God bless you, Chandler Bing! |
| 492 | Turns out this sweater is made for a woman. |
| 493 | So, why are you still wearing it? |
| 494 | Because it's soft. |
| 495 | Hey, so how was your date? |
| 496 | Not so good. |
| 497 | Well, looks like |
| 498 | it's just the two of us tonight, huh, buddy? |
| 499 | Yeah, and you know what? |
| 500 | We could do a lot worse. |
| 501 | Yeah. |
| 502 | Yeah. |
| 503 | Joey doesn't share food! |
| 504 | Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org |
| 505 | |
| 1 | Mmm. Mmm. |
| 2 | Mmm. This cake is amazing. Mmm. |
| 3 | My God, get a room. |
| 4 | Mmm. |
| 5 | I would get a room with this cake. |
| 6 | I think I could show this cake a good time. |
| 7 | If you had to, what would you give up-- food or sex? |
| 8 | Sex. |
| 9 | Seriously, answer faster. |
| 10 | Oh, I'm sorry, honey. |
| 11 | No, when she said sex, |
| 12 | I wasn't thinking about sex with you. |
| 13 | It's like a giant hug. |
| 14 | Ross, how 'bout you? |
| 15 | Which would you give up-- sex or food? |
| 16 | Food. |
| 17 | Okay, how 'bout sex or dinosaurs? |
| 18 | Oh, my God. |
| 19 | It's like Sophie's Choice. |
| 20 | What about you, Joe? |
| 21 | What would you give up-- sex or food? |
| 22 | Uh... ooh... uh. |
| 23 | I don't know. It's too hard. |
| 24 | No, you gotta pick one. |
| 25 | ( sighs ) |
| 26 | Uh... food. |
| 27 | No, sex. |
| 28 | Food. |
| 29 | Sex. |
| 30 | Food. Se... I don't know. |
| 31 | Oh, God, I want both. |
| 32 | I want... I want girls on bread. |
| 33 | ♪ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ♪ |
| 34 | ♪ Your job's a joke, you're broke ♪ |
| 35 | ♪ Your love life's D.O.A. ♪ |
| 36 | ♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪ |
| 37 | ♪ When it hasn't been your day, your week ♪ |
| 38 | ♪ Your month, or even your year ♪ |
| 39 | ♪ But I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 40 | ♪ 'Cause you're there for me, too. ♪ |
| 41 | Okay, you've got to see |
| 42 | these latest pictures of Emma. |
| 43 | Oh, how cute. |
| 44 | Oh, she looks just like a little doll. |
| 45 | Oh, no, no. That is a doll. |
| 46 | Oh, thank God, 'cause that thing's really creepy. |
| 47 | Yeah. |
| 48 | Oh, there's Chandler. |
| 49 | Oh. Who's the blonde? |
| 50 | She's pretty. |
| 51 | ( gasps ): He's having an affair. |
| 52 | He is not having an affair. |
| 53 | You know I'm always right about these things. |
| 54 | No, you're not. |
| 55 | Last week you thought Ross was trying to kill you. |
| 56 | Well, I'm sorry, but it's hard to believe |
| 57 | that anyone would tell a story that dull just to tell it. |
| 58 | I swear there's something going on with them. Look. |
| 59 | He's getting into the car with her. |
| 60 | Oh, that doesn't mean anything. |
| 61 | Oh, yeah? Well, let's see. |
| 62 | Huh? |
| 63 | Okay, duck down. |
| 64 | Oh. |
| 65 | ( phone ringing ) |
| 66 | Hello. |
| 67 | Oh, Hi, Chandler, it's Phoebe. |
| 68 | I know that Monica is working today |
| 69 | so I was wondering if you wanted |
| 70 | to come to the movies with me and Rachel. |
| 71 | Oh, uh... I have to work, too. |
| 72 | Yeah, I'm stuck here at the office all day. |
| 73 | Uh, well, it's a shame that you'll, |
| 74 | that you'll miss the movie |
| 75 | 'cause we were gonna see, you know, |
| 76 | either, um, Liar, Liar or, um... Betrayal |
| 77 | or An Affair to Remember. |
| 78 | Those are all really old. |
| 79 | Okay, then maybe it'll be, um... |
| 80 | Dude, Where's My Car? |
| 81 | What? |
| 82 | They're in a car. |
| 83 | Okay, well, all right, talk to you later. |
| 84 | Okay, 'bye. |
| 85 | Sheesh. |
| 86 | Okay, quick. We got to find |
| 87 | a cab and follow them. |
| 88 | Oh, yeah, okay, let me just grab |
| 89 | my night-vision goggles and my stun gun. |
| 90 | I got 'em. |
| 91 | Hey. |
| 92 | Hey. Hey, sweetie. |
| 93 | Hey, you smell like perfume and cigarettes. |
| 94 | I was in the car with Nancy all day. |
| 95 | Nancy doesn't smoke. |
| 96 | Well, at least the perfume's not mine. |
| 97 | Be thankful for that. |
| 98 | So? |
| 99 | What did you think of the house? |
| 100 | It's perfect. It's everything we've been looking for. |
| 101 | Isn't it? |
| 102 | And what about the, the amazing wainscoting |
| 103 | and the crown molding |
| 104 | and the dormer windows in the attic? |
| 105 | And the wigglewoms and the zipzorps? |
| 106 | What were the things you said? |
| 107 | Don't you love the huge yard? |
| 108 | And the fireplace in the bedroom. |
| 109 | And Nancy said |
| 110 | it's really under-priced |
| 111 | because the guy lost his job |
| 112 | and has to move in with his parents. |
| 113 | This is bringing out a lovely color in you. |
| 114 | So... Do you think we should get it? |
| 115 | I don't know. What do you think? |
| 116 | I think we should. |
| 117 | I do, too. |
| 118 | This is huge. I know. |
| 119 | How bad do you want to smoke right now? |
| 120 | I don't know what you mean... giant talking cigarette. |
| 121 | Oh, by the way, Phoebe called just as I was getting |
| 122 | into Nancy's car, so if she asks you, |
| 123 | I was at work all day. |
| 124 | Gotcha. |
| 125 | When do we tell them about this? |
| 126 | We don't. Not until |
| 127 | it's a hundred percent. |
| 128 | Why upset everybody over nothing? |
| 129 | Okay. Right. |
| 130 | Oh, my God, that is going to be so hard. |
| 131 | I know. Good luck with it. |
| 132 | I just can't see Chandler cheating. |
| 133 | I'm telling you guys, |
| 134 | we followed them out to a house in Westchester. |
| 135 | They went in for like 45 minutes |
| 136 | and then they came out looking pretty happy. |
| 137 | Chandler? Mm-hmm. |
| 138 | 45 minutes? |
| 139 | Well, something's not right. |
| 140 | I just can't believe he would do this to Monica. |
| 141 | I know and, and with the baby coming. |
| 142 | So, should we tell her? I don't know. |
| 143 | Phoebe, if, if one of us saw Mike with another woman, |
| 144 | would you want us to tell you? |
| 145 | Why, who'd you see him with? |
| 146 | No one. I'm just saying, if we... |
| 147 | Tell me what you know! |
| 148 | ( shrieking ) |
| 149 | Ow. No, nothing. |
| 150 | Mike's a great guy. |
| 151 | It was hypothetical. |
| 152 | All right. |
| 153 | He is a good guy. |
| 154 | You're right. |
| 155 | He wouldn't cheat. |
| 156 | Believe me, if I did see him with someone, |
| 157 | there's no way I... |
| 158 | Who did you see him with?! |
| 159 | ( shrieking ) |
| 160 | ( humming ) |
| 161 | Oh, look at her. |
| 162 | So happy. |
| 163 | If only there were a smaller one to clean this one. |
| 164 | Hey, is, uh, is-is Chandler here? |
| 165 | No, he's picking up dinner. |
| 166 | Why, what's up? |
| 167 | Well... |
| 168 | Look, whatever happens, |
| 169 | we're here for you, and we love you. |
| 170 | All right. |
| 171 | We think Chandler might be having an affair. |
| 172 | What? |
| 173 | Phoebe and I saw Chandler with a blonde woman today |
| 174 | outside on the street |
| 175 | and then we followed them to a house in Westchester. |
| 176 | They went in together. |
| 177 | So sorry. |
| 178 | Oh, my God. |
| 179 | Oh, my God, that's awful. |
| 180 | What did you think of the house? |
| 181 | What? |
| 182 | Monica, you understand what we're saying, right? |
| 183 | Yeah. Sure. |
| 184 | And I'm devastated, obviously. |
| 185 | Did you think the neighborhood was homey? |
| 186 | All right. |
| 187 | You son of a bitch. |
| 188 | Is it me, or have the greetings |
| 189 | gone downhill around here? |
| 190 | Phoebe and Rachel saw you with Nancy today |
| 191 | and, um, they think you're having an affair. |
| 192 | Rachel, who's Nancy? |
| 193 | What's going on? |
| 194 | Uh... Okay. |
| 195 | All right, guys, you better sit down. |
| 196 | This is, this is pretty big. |
| 197 | Yeah. |
| 198 | I'm not having an affair. |
| 199 | Nancy... is our Realtor. |
| 200 | I knew he couldn't be with a woman for 45 minutes! ( laughs ) |
| 201 | I knew it. I knew it. |
| 202 | Why... w-why do you have a Realtor? |
| 203 | Um... She's been showing us houses outside of the city. |
| 204 | What? |
| 205 | Are you serious? |
| 206 | When we found out |
| 207 | that we were going to get this baby, |
| 208 | Chandler and I started talking |
| 209 | and we decided that we didn't want |
| 210 | to raise a kid in the city. |
| 211 | So you're, so you're gonna move? |
| 212 | Oh, my God. |
| 213 | Shouldn't we all vote on stuff like this? |
| 214 | What is wrong with raising a kid in the city? |
| 215 | I'm doing it. |
| 216 | Ross is doing it. |
| 217 | Sarah Jessica Parker is doing it. |
| 218 | And that's great for you guys, |
| 219 | but we want a lawn and a swing set. |
| 220 | And a street where our kids can ride their bikes |
| 221 | and maybe an ice cream truck can go by. |
| 222 | So you want to buy a house in the '50s. |
| 223 | Have you thought about what you're giving up? |
| 224 | You can't move out of the city. |
| 225 | What if... what if you want Chinese food at 5:00 a.m.? |
| 226 | or a fake Rolex that breaks as soon as it rains? |
| 227 | Or an Asian hooker sent right to your door? |
| 228 | ROSS: You know what? |
| 229 | If you want to look for a house, that's okay. |
| 230 | No, no, it's not. |
| 231 | Don't listen to him. |
| 232 | I'm gonna thump you. |
| 233 | It's okay |
| 234 | because they have to get it out of their system. |
| 235 | Okay? But, |
| 236 | you're gonna realize, |
| 237 | this is the only place you want to be. |
| 238 | Actually... |
| 239 | we already found a house we love. |
| 240 | What? |
| 241 | And about an hour ago, we made an offer. |
| 242 | Bet you wish I was having |
| 243 | an affair now, huh? |
| 244 | You put an offer on a house? |
| 245 | It's so sweet. |
| 246 | It really is. |
| 247 | It has this big yard that leads down to this stream. |
| 248 | And then there's these old maple trees. |
| 249 | Oh, again with the nature! |
| 250 | What are you, beavers? |
| 251 | Look, I know this is really hard, and we're really sorry. |
| 252 | Is this because I come over here without knocking |
| 253 | and eat your food? |
| 254 | Because I can stop doing that. |
| 255 | I... I really, really think I can. |
| 256 | You know that's not the reason, Joe. |
| 257 | MONICA: I think if you saw it, you'd understand. |
| 258 | I mean, you guys were there. It's-it's beautiful, isn't it? |
| 259 | Yeah, it is. |
| 260 | What the hell are you doing?! |
| 261 | Well... it is, all right? |
| 262 | When we were out there today, all I keep thinking was, |
| 263 | "I can't believe Chandler is screwing this woman, |
| 264 | but man, this would be a nice place to live!" |
| 265 | Yeah, but so is this. |
| 266 | Yeah, I mean, if you move there, you have to leave here. |
| 267 | I mean, how can you leave this place? |
| 268 | Come on, Daddy, listen to me! |
| 269 | It's like all of my life, everyone has always told me, |
| 270 | "You're a shoe! |
| 271 | You're a shoe, you're a shoe, you're a shoe!" |
| 272 | And then today, I just stopped and I said, |
| 273 | "What if I don't want to be a shoe? |
| 274 | What if I want to be a-a purse?" |
| 275 | You know, or-or-or a hat? |
| 276 | No, I don't want you to buy me a hat. |
| 277 | I'm saying that I am a ha... It's a metaphor, Daddy. |
| 278 | You can see where he'd have trouble. |
| 279 | Well, maybe I'll just stay here with Monica. |
| 280 | Well, I guess we've established who's staying here with Monica. |
| 281 | Your money's mine, Green. |
| 282 | Your fly is open, Geller. |
| 283 | Oh, do you know what I just realized? |
| 284 | "Joker" is "poker" with a "J." |
| 285 | Coincidence? |
| 286 | Hey, that's "Joe-incidence" with a "c." |
| 287 | Ooh, look! |
| 288 | Ugly Naked Guy lit a bunch of candles. |
| 289 | ALL: Ew! |
| 290 | ( all gasping ) |
| 291 | That had to hurt. |
| 292 | Aw... Aw... Aw... |
| 293 | Hey, it's your Thanksgiving, too, you know? |
| 294 | Instead of watching football, you could help. |
| 295 | GUYS: We know. |
| 296 | Rachel, you want to put the marshmallows |
| 297 | in concentric circles. |
| 298 | No, Mon, you want to put them in concentric circles. |
| 299 | I want to do this. |
| 300 | Every year. |
| 301 | ( gasps ) |
| 302 | JOEY: It's stuck! |
| 303 | Well... |
| 304 | step... |
| 305 | How did it get on?! |
| 306 | I put it on to scare Chandler. |
| 307 | Oh, my God! |
| 308 | Monica's going to totally freak out! |
| 309 | Plus, it smells really bad in here. |
| 310 | Yeah, of course it smells bad. |
| 311 | You have your head inside a turkey's ass. |
| 312 | Oh, oh! Monica. |
| 313 | Oh! |
| 314 | Hey, did you get the turkey...? Oh, my God! |
| 315 | Oh, my God! |
| 316 | Who is that? |
| 317 | It's Joey! |
| 318 | I got it. |
| 319 | How 'bout, if we win, |
| 320 | they have to get rid of the rooster? |
| 321 | Ooh, that's interesting. |
| 322 | If you win, we give up the bird. |
| 323 | ( shudders ) |
| 324 | But if we win... |
| 325 | we get your apartment. |
| 326 | ( Rachel scoffs ) |
| 327 | JOEY: Ooh-hoo-hoo hoo-hoo! |
| 328 | Deal! Wha...? |
| 329 | What?! |
| 330 | What was Monica's nickname when she was a field hockey goalie? |
| 331 | Big Fat Goalie. |
| 332 | Correct. |
| 333 | Rachel claims this is her favorite movie. |
| 334 | Dangerous Liaisons. |
| 335 | Correct. Her actual favorite movie is? |
| 336 | Weekend at Bernie's. |
| 337 | Correct. |
| 338 | Monica categorizes her towels. |
| 339 | How many categories are there? |
| 340 | Okay, Everyday Use. |
| 341 | Fancy. Guest. |
| 342 | Fancy Guest. |
| 343 | Two seconds. |
| 344 | Ah... eleven?! |
| 345 | 11, unbelievable. |
| 346 | 11 is correct. |
| 347 | Yes! |
| 348 | ( Joey cackles ) |
| 349 | Chandler was how old when he first touched a girl's breast? |
| 350 | Fourteen? |
| 351 | No, 19. |
| 352 | Thanks, man. |
| 353 | Joey had an imaginary childhood friend. |
| 354 | His name was? |
| 355 | Maurice. Correct. |
| 356 | His profession was...? |
| 357 | Oh, space cowboy! Correct. |
| 358 | What is Chandler Bing's job? |
| 359 | Uh... |
| 360 | Oh... |
| 361 | Oh, gosh. |
| 362 | Ten seconds. You need this, or you lose the game. |
| 363 | Oh! It's, um... |
| 364 | it has something to do with transponding... |
| 365 | Oh, oh, oh, he's a transpons... transponster! |
| 366 | That's not even a word! |
| 367 | Oh! No, I-I... |
| 368 | Oh, my... |
| 369 | Noooooo...! |
| 370 | ( chuckles ) |
| 371 | RACHEL: You know what? |
| 372 | You are mean boys who are just being mean. |
| 373 | Hey, don't get mad at us. |
| 374 | No one forced you to raise the stakes. |
| 375 | That is not true. |
| 376 | She did. She forced me. |
| 377 | Hey, we'd still be living here, |
| 378 | if you hadn't gotten the question wrong. |
| 379 | Well, it was a stupid, unfair question. |
| 380 | Don't blame the questions. |
| 381 | Would you all stop yelling in our apartment? |
| 382 | You are ruining moving day for us. |
| 383 | Chandler! |
| 384 | Chandler! |
| 385 | I saw what you were doing through the window! |
| 386 | I saw what you were doing to my sister. |
| 387 | Now, get out here! |
| 388 | Listen, we had a good run. |
| 389 | You know, what was it? Four-five months? |
| 390 | I mean, that's more than most people have in a lifetime, |
| 391 | so good-bye, take care, bye-bye, then. |
| 392 | Hey, Ross. What's up, bro? |
| 393 | What... |
| 394 | the hell are you doing?! |
| 395 | Hey, wh-what's going on? |
| 396 | Well, I think-- I think-- |
| 397 | Ross knows about me and Monica. |
| 398 | ( half-whispers ): Dude, he's right there... |
| 399 | I thought you were my best friend. |
| 400 | This is my sister. |
| 401 | My best friend and my sister-- I-I cannot believe this. |
| 402 | Look, we're not just messing around. |
| 403 | I love her, okay? |
| 404 | I'm in love with her. |
| 405 | I am so sorry that you had to find out this way. |
| 406 | I'm sorry, but it's true. |
| 407 | I-I love him, too. |
| 408 | My best friend and my sister! |
| 409 | I cannot believe this! |
| 410 | Well, this is the last box of your clothes. |
| 411 | I'm just gonna label it |
| 412 | "What were you thinking?" |
| 413 | Funny, 'cause I was just gonna go across the hall |
| 414 | and write that on Chandler. |
| 415 | Okay, you guys, I don't mean to make things worse, |
| 416 | but, um... I don't want to live with Rachel anymore. |
| 417 | What?! What?! |
| 418 | You're just so mean to each other. |
| 419 | And I don't want to end up like that with Rachel. |
| 420 | I still like you. |
| 421 | Well, Phoebe, that's fine, because I'm not moving. |
| 422 | Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. |
| 423 | Phoebe, you gotta take her. |
| 424 | You know, I know I said some really bad stuff about her, |
| 425 | but you know, Rachel does have some good qualities |
| 426 | that make her a good roommate. |
| 427 | She gets tons of catalogs. |
| 428 | And she'll fold down the pages |
| 429 | of the things that she thinks that I'd like. |
| 430 | What else? |
| 431 | Well... |
| 432 | When I take a shower, |
| 433 | she leaves me little notes on the mirror. |
| 434 | Yeah, I do. |
| 435 | I do do that. |
| 436 | That's nice. |
| 437 | I like having things to read in the bathroom. |
| 438 | When I fall asleep on the couch |
| 439 | after reading, |
| 440 | she covers me over with a blanket. |
| 441 | Well, you know, I don't want you to be cold. |
| 442 | And... |
| 443 | when I told her that I was going to be moving in with Chandler, |
| 444 | she was really supportive. |
| 445 | ( voice breaking ): You were so great. |
| 446 | You made it so easy. |
| 447 | ( sobbing ): And now you have to leave... |
| 448 | and I have to live with a boy! |
| 449 | Oh... |
| 450 | honey! |
| 451 | Hey. |
| 452 | She really left. |
| 453 | Yeah, I know. |
| 454 | Thank you. |
| 455 | No problem, roomie. |
| 456 | Thanks. |
| 457 | Can I ask you a question? |
| 458 | Sure. |
| 459 | What the hell is that dog doing here? |
| 460 | Little toast here. Ding-ding... |
| 461 | I know this isn't exactly the kind of Thanksgiving |
| 462 | that all of you planned, |
| 463 | but for me, this has been really great, you know? |
| 464 | I think because it didn't involve divorce |
| 465 | or projectile vomiting. |
| 466 | Anyway, I was just thinking, I mean, if you'd gone to Vail, |
| 467 | or if you guys had been with your family, |
| 468 | or if you didn't have... |
| 469 | syphilis and stuff... |
| 470 | ...we wouldn't be all together, you know? |
| 471 | So, I guess what I'm trying to say is |
| 472 | that I'm very thankful |
| 473 | that all of your Thanksgivings sucked. |
| 474 | That's so sweet. |
| 475 | Thank you... |
| 476 | Mmm! |
| 477 | And, hey, here's to a lousy Christmas. |
| 478 | And a crappy New Year. |
| 479 | Hear, hear! |
| 480 | You can't move. |
| 481 | You just... you just can't. |
| 482 | Rachel's right. |
| 483 | This is where you guys belong. |
| 484 | Yeah, you don't want to live in Westchester. |
| 485 | That's like the worst of the Chesters. |
| 486 | ROSS: You know, sometimes, |
| 487 | when I'm alone in my apartment, I look over here, |
| 488 | and you guys are just having dinner |
| 489 | or watching TV or something, but... |
| 490 | it makes me feel better. |
| 491 | And now when I look over, who am I gonna see? |
| 492 | The Gottliebs? |
| 493 | The Yangs? |
| 494 | They don't make me feel so good. |
| 495 | Yeah, so-so don't move, okay? |
| 496 | Just stay here, and... |
| 497 | maybe close your blinds at night. |
| 498 | Hey. |
| 499 | ( phone rings ) |
| 500 | ( sighs ) |
| 501 | Hello? |
| 502 | It's Nancy. They responded to our offer. |
| 503 | And? |
| 504 | Okay, thanks. |
| 505 | They passed. |
| 506 | They said they wouldn't go a penny under the asking price. |
| 507 | We can't afford that. |
| 508 | I know. |
| 509 | Well, there you go. |
| 510 | JOEY: I'm really sorry, you guys. |
| 511 | Yeah, I'm sorry, too. |
| 512 | I'm even more sorry that that phone call |
| 513 | didn't come before I told you |
| 514 | about looking through the window. |
| 515 | RACHEL: Yeah, well, |
| 516 | we're going to let you be alone. |
| 517 | You going to be okay? |
| 518 | Yeah, we'll be okay. |
| 519 | I love you guys. |
| 520 | Hey, you know, |
| 521 | I'm really sorry I wasn't more supportive before. |
| 522 | Oh, it's okay. We understand. |
| 523 | Yeah, and about this Nancy... |
| 524 | if you're not sleeping with her, should I? |
| 525 | I know there'll be other houses, but I just... |
| 526 | I love that one so much. |
| 527 | Yeah. |
| 528 | Well, it's a good thing we got it, then. |
| 529 | What?! |
| 530 | We got the house! |
| 531 | Oh, my God! |
| 532 | I just didn't want to tell you in front of them. |
| 533 | Oh, my God! We got it? We got the house?! |
| 534 | We're getting the house! |
| 535 | Oh! |
| 536 | Mmm! |
| 537 | We're getting a house. |
| 538 | And a baby! |
| 539 | We're growing up. |
| 540 | We sure are. |
| 541 | So, who's gonna tell them? |
| 542 | Not it! Not it. Damn it! |
| 543 | And Rachel, this is yours. |
| 544 | ( screams ): What are these for?! |
| 545 | You'll see. All right. |
| 546 | Everybody open them. Okay. |
| 547 | ( gasps ) |
| 548 | Oh, wow, this is so beautiful! |
| 549 | Oh, these are the ones I was looking at in the store. |
| 550 | I know. |
| 551 | I love this. |
| 552 | A meatball sub!? |
| 553 | Thanks! |
| 554 | Seriously, you guys. What's going on? |
| 555 | What are these for? |
| 556 | Well, I didn't know how to tell you before, but... |
| 557 | we got the house. |
| 558 | Enjoy! |
| 559 | Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org |
| 560 | What did they say? |
| 561 | |
| 1 | Hey, guys... |
| 2 | Wait, let me tell them. |
| 3 | Sure. |
| 4 | Joey's going to be |
| 5 | a celebrity guest on a game show. |
| 6 | Oh. Really? Which one? |
| 7 | Fish. Seaweed. A sunken ship. |
| 8 | Things you find in the ocean. |
| 9 | You're going to be on Pyramid! |
| 10 | Oh, it was our favorite game show ever. |
| 11 | Except for Match Game. |
| 12 | Or Win, Lose or Draw. |
| 13 | What did I marry into? |
| 14 | Well, do you guys want to come down tomorrow |
| 15 | and watch me tape the show? |
| 16 | Oh, we can't. |
| 17 | We're throwing Phoebe a bachelorette party. |
| 18 | Yeah, sorry, boys. |
| 19 | This ride's closing. |
| 20 | Well, and Chandler and I have |
| 21 | this stupid college alumni thing. |
| 22 | I can't believe you get to meet Donny Osmond. |
| 23 | Seriously? |
| 24 | Yuh-huh! |
| 25 | Ross and I always wanted to be Donny and Marie. |
| 26 | You guys just keep getting cooler and cooler. |
| 27 | We used to perform for our family and friends. |
| 28 | Oh, God, that's right. |
| 29 | I blocked that out. |
| 30 | ♪ I'm a little bit country ♪ |
| 31 | ♪ And I'm a little bit rock and roll. ♪ |
| 32 | I'm leaving you. |
| 33 | ♪ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ♪ |
| 34 | ♪ Your job's a joke, you're broke ♪ |
| 35 | ♪ Your love life's D.O.A. ♪ |
| 36 | ♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪ |
| 37 | ♪ When it hasn't been your day, your week ♪ |
| 38 | ♪ Your month, or even your year ♪ |
| 39 | ♪ But I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 40 | ♪ When the rain starts to pour ♪ |
| 41 | ♪ I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 42 | ♪ Like I've been there before ♪ |
| 43 | ♪ I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 44 | ♪ 'Cause you're there for me, too. ♪ |
| 45 | It's so weird to see all these people again. |
| 46 | Oh, my God, look, there's Jeffrey Klarik. |
| 47 | Who? |
| 48 | He was roommates with John Rosoff? |
| 49 | He went out with Andrea Tamborino? |
| 50 | She dumped him for Michael Skloff? |
| 51 | Did I go to this school? |
| 52 | Hey, there's Missy Goldberg. |
| 53 | You got to remember her. |
| 54 | Sure. Nice. |
| 55 | Dude, you're married to my sister. |
| 56 | You're right. By saying "nice," |
| 57 | I'm virtually licking her. |
| 58 | Hey, I hear she's single again. |
| 59 | Think I should ask her out? |
| 60 | Are you asking permission to break the pact? |
| 61 | Yes, please. |
| 62 | Hey. |
| 63 | Hey, check out the fliers for the band. |
| 64 | I made them on a Macintosh in the computer room. |
| 65 | Awesome. The name really stands out. |
| 66 | Thanks to a little something called Helvetica Bold 24 point. |
| 67 | Man, we're going to rock that Asian Student Union! |
| 68 | Hey, guys. |
| 69 | Hey, Missy. |
| 70 | Hey, Missy. |
| 71 | You know, our band is playing on Friday. |
| 72 | Yeah, yeah, you should come check us out. |
| 73 | We're called "Way/No Way." |
| 74 | No way. |
| 75 | Way! Way! |
| 76 | Great. I'll be there. |
| 77 | Fresh. Boss. |
| 78 | Mint. She's gone. |
| 79 | I know it. |
| 80 | You know, I'm totally going to ask her out. |
| 81 | Dude, I was going to ask her out. |
| 82 | I said it first, bro. |
| 83 | Oh, I thought it first, Holmes. |
| 84 | Look, if you think... |
| 85 | Wait, wait. What are we doing? |
| 86 | What we have is too important |
| 87 | to mess it up over some girl. |
| 88 | I mean, we can get laid anytime we want. |
| 89 | Totally. |
| 90 | I had sex in high school. |
| 91 | Me, too. |
| 92 | I'm good at it. |
| 93 | All right, I say we make a pact. |
| 94 | Neither of us will go out with Missy Goldberg. |
| 95 | You got it. |
| 96 | All right, so that's Missy Goldberg, Phoebe Cates |
| 97 | and Molly Ringwald who neither of us can go out with. |
| 98 | Those are the pacts. |
| 99 | Oh, and Sheena Easton. |
| 100 | But we probably couldn't get her anyway. |
| 101 | Huh! Huh! Maybe not you. |
| 102 | Well, I officially |
| 103 | give you permission to break the pact. |
| 104 | Thank you. |
| 105 | All right, here I go. |
| 106 | Now, remember how scary it used to be |
| 107 | going up to girls in college? |
| 108 | Your hands are shaking. |
| 109 | I know, and I can't stop sweating. |
| 110 | ...four, three, applause! |
| 111 | ( cheering ) |
| 112 | Yeah! |
| 113 | Welcome. |
| 114 | It is Soap Opera Week here on Pyramid. |
| 115 | Let's meet our contestants. |
| 116 | First, Gene Lester is a database specialist. |
| 117 | He's going to be playing with Days of Our Lives star, |
| 118 | Joey Tribianni! |
| 119 | ( applause and cheers ) |
| 120 | And over here, |
| 121 | we have Henrietta Cherry... |
| 122 | Listen, I know it can be intimidating |
| 123 | for regular people to be around celebrities, |
| 124 | but relax, I'm just like you, |
| 125 | only better-looking and richer. |
| 126 | ...she'll be playing |
| 127 | with star of General Hospital, Leslie Charleson... |
| 128 | ( applause ) |
| 129 | Welcome, everybody. |
| 130 | Good luck to all of you. |
| 131 | Let's play Pyramid. |
| 132 | All right. |
| 133 | Now, we flipped |
| 134 | a coin before the show. |
| 135 | Gene, you won the toss, so you're going to start. |
| 136 | Which category would you like? |
| 137 | I'll take "You Crossed the Line." |
| 138 | "You Crossed the Line." |
| 139 | Joey, describe for Gene these things that have lines. |
| 140 | Give me 20 seconds on the clock, please. |
| 141 | Ready. Go. |
| 142 | Uh, okay, it's a store like a supermarket... |
| 143 | ( buzzer ) |
| 144 | Oh, I see what I did there. |
| 145 | Okay, okay. |
| 146 | I'm writing in my... |
| 147 | Diary? |
| 148 | No, more like a notebook-- |
| 149 | ( buzzer ) |
| 150 | Damn it! |
| 151 | Um... oh, if I'm building a house, |
| 152 | the plan isn't called a shmooprint... |
| 153 | ( buzzer ) |
| 154 | I can't do that either? |
| 155 | Oh, in high school, I once had sex with a girl |
| 156 | right in the middle of the... |
| 157 | Cafeteria. |
| 158 | Yeah, but that's not |
| 159 | what they're looking for. |
| 160 | ( buzzer ) Oh! |
| 161 | Thank you so much for this. |
| 162 | Aw... you like it? |
| 163 | Oh, my God, it's all so elegant. |
| 164 | When's the dirty stuff starting? |
| 165 | What? |
| 166 | You know, the strippers and the guys dancing |
| 167 | and, you know, pee-pees flying about. |
| 168 | Oh! |
| 169 | Pheebs, I... There isn't going to be any "flying about." |
| 170 | We actually thought |
| 171 | we were a little too mature for stuff like that. |
| 172 | Oh, okay. |
| 173 | I see what you're doing. That's fine. |
| 174 | This is all there is. |
| 175 | Just tea. Okay. |
| 176 | Mmm... Raunchy. |
| 177 | It's okay. |
| 178 | Seriously, Pheebs, |
| 179 | it's not going to be that kind of a party. |
| 180 | Really? |
| 181 | So th-this is... |
| 182 | this is my big send-off into married life? |
| 183 | Rachel, this is the only bachelorette party |
| 184 | I'm ever going to have. |
| 185 | I've, I've got a big wad of ones in my purse. |
| 186 | Really? I mean really? It's just tea? |
| 187 | No! |
| 188 | Phoebe, of course there's more. |
| 189 | Okay. |
| 190 | I mean, let me just go talk to Monica |
| 191 | and get an ETA on the pee-pees. |
| 192 | Gene, I must remind you, |
| 193 | you need all six of these to stay in the game, all right? |
| 194 | Describe for Joey things you find in your refrigerator. |
| 195 | They might as well just give us the points. |
| 196 | ( chuckles ) |
| 197 | Give me 20 seconds on the clock. |
| 198 | Ready. Go. |
| 199 | You put this in your coffee. |
| 200 | A spoon! Your hands! Your face! |
| 201 | It's white. |
| 202 | Paper! Snow! A ghost! |
| 203 | It's heavier than milk. |
| 204 | A rock. A dog. The Earth. |
| 205 | Pass. You put this on a sandwich. |
| 206 | Salami. Anchovies. Jam. |
| 207 | It's white. |
| 208 | Paper! Snow! A ghost! |
| 209 | It's made from eggs. |
| 210 | Chickens! |
| 211 | Pass! Oh... |
| 212 | You put it on a hamburger. |
| 213 | Ketchup! Yes. |
| 214 | Relish! Stop! |
| 215 | ( buzzer ) Oh. |
| 216 | Oh, time's up. |
| 217 | Joey, you were almost on a roll there. |
| 218 | Gene, you're going to have a chance |
| 219 | to go to the Winner's Circle in the second half, |
| 220 | but right now, Henrietta, |
| 221 | you are going to the Winner's Circle |
| 222 | to try your luck for $10,000 right after this. |
| 223 | Don't go away. |
| 224 | And we're out. |
| 225 | Oh, so we didn't win. |
| 226 | But it's fun to play the game, right? |
| 227 | Hey, I got a kid starting college. |
| 228 | I have to get surgery on my knee. |
| 229 | You just lost me ten grand. |
| 230 | Oh, wow. |
| 231 | I'm so sorry. |
| 232 | Okay, I promise, we'll do better next time. |
| 233 | Well, I will, because I won't be playing with you. |
| 234 | You know, some of those were pretty hard. |
| 235 | Like, why would there be a ghost in my fridge? |
| 236 | Yeah. |
| 237 | So, Saturday night? |
| 238 | I'd love to. |
| 239 | Great. |
| 240 | So how come it took you so long to ask me out? |
| 241 | Oh, well, uh, this is going to sound kind of silly, but... |
| 242 | Do you remember my roommate Chandler Bing? |
| 243 | Sure. He was in your "band." |
| 244 | It's been 16 years, but the air quotes still hurt. |
| 245 | Sorry. |
| 246 | That's okay. |
| 247 | Anyway, well, he and I both really liked you a lot, um, |
| 248 | but we didn't want anything to jeopardize your friendship, |
| 249 | so we kind of made a pact that neither of us could ask you out. |
| 250 | Really? |
| 251 | Yeah. Why? |
| 252 | Well, Chandler and I used to make out... a lot. |
| 253 | You did? |
| 254 | Yeah. We'd go to the science lab after hours. |
| 255 | And on my turf?! |
| 256 | Hey, where is this guy? |
| 257 | It's been over an hour. |
| 258 | Well, he's coming from Jersey. |
| 259 | He said he would get here as fast as he could. |
| 260 | ( pounding on door ) |
| 261 | Who is it? |
| 262 | It's the police. |
| 263 | The police! |
| 264 | Oh! |
| 265 | That's right, it's Officer Goodbody. |
| 266 | What's the matter, Officer, has someone been bad? |
| 267 | ( coughing ) |
| 268 | Whoo, that's a lot of stairs. |
| 269 | Hoo, boy. |
| 270 | You should warn people there's no elevator. |
| 271 | ( groaning ): Whoa, oh... |
| 272 | I should not have had that Mexican food for lunch. |
| 273 | Are-are you gonna be okay, Officer, uh... |
| 274 | Goodbody. |
| 275 | If you say so. |
| 276 | So, where's the young lady |
| 277 | who I am supposed to take... |
| 278 | downtown? |
| 279 | Oh, God. |
| 280 | All right, |
| 281 | somebody show me where to plug in my box, |
| 282 | and we'll get this party started. |
| 283 | Wah! |
| 284 | Where? All right. |
| 285 | Rachel? |
| 286 | Yeah? Um, |
| 287 | are you kidding? All right, look, |
| 288 | we did not know that you wanted a stripper, |
| 289 | so we went to the phone book, |
| 290 | and we got the first name we could find. |
| 291 | How old's your phone book?! |
| 292 | Oh, my God, this man is gonna get naked in my apartment. |
| 293 | Oh, no, I don't want to see him take his clothes off. |
| 294 | Are you talking about me? |
| 295 | Oh, no. |
| 296 | I mean, obviously, we want to see you take your clothes off... |
| 297 | you big piece of eye candy. |
| 298 | Okay, okay, ladies, |
| 299 | can I have your attention, please? |
| 300 | Oh, yeah. |
| 301 | Did someone call |
| 302 | for the long arm of the law? |
| 303 | I should warn you, |
| 304 | I have a concealed weapon. |
| 305 | I hope you're familiar with this state's... |
| 306 | penal code. |
| 307 | Okay, okay, |
| 308 | enough teasin'. |
| 309 | Now for some pleasin'. |
| 310 | ( Soft Cell's "Tainted Love" playing ) |
| 311 | ♪ Sometimes I feel I've got to ♪ |
| 312 | ♪ Run away, I've got to ♪ |
| 313 | ♪ Get away from ♪ |
| 314 | ♪ The pain you drive into the heart of me ♪ |
| 315 | ♪ The love we share ♪ |
| 316 | ♪ Seems to go no... ♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa. |
| 317 | She cringed! |
| 318 | This is how I look when I'm turned on. |
| 319 | You were talking about me before. |
| 320 | Look, I don't need this. |
| 321 | I'm out of here. Where's my hat? |
| 322 | Look, I've been in this business for a long time. |
| 323 | Shocking. |
| 324 | Now if you'll just pay me my $300, |
| 325 | I'll be on my way. |
| 326 | $300? Are you kidding? |
| 327 | No, that's okay, let me just get my checkbook. |
| 328 | No, you're not gonna pay him-- he didn't do anything. |
| 329 | Didn't do anything? |
| 330 | I took a bus all the way from Hoboken. |
| 331 | I climbed, I don't know, like, a billion stairs. |
| 332 | And it's not like I can take them two at a time. |
| 333 | I don't care, we're not paying you $300 for this. |
| 334 | Well, look, it's not my fault if you're too uptight |
| 335 | to appreciate the male form in all its glory. |
| 336 | Oh, yeah, okay, I'm uptight. |
| 337 | Yeah, that's why I don't want to watch |
| 338 | a middle-aged guy dance around in what |
| 339 | I can only assume is a child's Halloween costume. |
| 340 | I may have borrowed this from my nephew... |
| 341 | but let me assure you, |
| 342 | what's underneath is all man. |
| 343 | I'm sorry, did you say "all man" or "old man"? |
| 344 | ( groans ): Oh... you're mean. |
| 345 | Uh, look, Officer, uh, sir... |
| 346 | Damn it! Oh... ( groans ) |
| 347 | Big surprise: the hunk of beef has feelings. |
| 348 | Okay, Henrietta, you picked |
| 349 | "Jack and Jill Went Up the Hill." |
| 350 | My friend Rachel has a kid. |
| 351 | I totally know nursery rhymes. |
| 352 | Joey, describe these things |
| 353 | associated with the United States Congress. |
| 354 | Give me 20 seconds on the clock, please. |
| 355 | Ready... go. |
| 356 | Uh... uh... |
| 357 | Pass. |
| 358 | Pass. |
| 359 | Pass. |
| 360 | Okay, the little thing that hangs down |
| 361 | in the back of your throat. |
| 362 | A uvula. |
| 363 | Oh. Then pass. |
| 364 | ( buzzer) ( groans ): Oh! |
| 365 | OSMOND: Okay. |
| 366 | Henrietta, you didn't get all the points |
| 367 | you needed, so that means, Gene, |
| 368 | you are going to the Winner's Circle to try for $10,000, |
| 369 | and you're gonna be going there with Joey Tribbiani! |
| 370 | You made out with Missy Goldberg? |
| 371 | How could you do that after you promised me? |
| 372 | Excuse me. |
| 373 | That didn't make us sound gay at all. |
| 374 | You broke the pact! |
| 375 | Ross, that was 16 years ago. That doesn't matter. |
| 376 | We're talking about the foundation of our friendship. |
| 377 | I believe the foundation of our friendship |
| 378 | was unfortunate hair. |
| 379 | All right, look, if we're really gonna do this, |
| 380 | it's not like you never broke one of the pacts. |
| 381 | I didn't. ( chuckles ): Oh, really? |
| 382 | No. Oh, really? |
| 383 | No! Adrienne Turner! |
| 384 | Yes? |
| 385 | Hey, Adrienne. Hi, Adrienne. |
| 386 | I never did anything with Adrienne Turner. |
| 387 | Oh, please-- and you knew how much I liked her. |
| 388 | I don't know what you're talking about. |
| 389 | Really? Remember that big party freshman year, |
| 390 | a week before Christmas vacation? |
| 391 | I do. You had some visitors. |
| 392 | I can't believe we're at a real college party. |
| 393 | I have to pee so bad. |
| 394 | This is so awesome. |
| 395 | College guys are so cute. |
| 396 | Hey, you've got a boyfriend. I know. |
| 397 | But if some guy who looks like Corey Haim |
| 398 | wants to kiss me tonight, I am so gonna let him. |
| 399 | Oh, hey, look. |
| 400 | There's Chandler. |
| 401 | You know, that stupid friend of Ross's |
| 402 | who said I was fat. |
| 403 | You know, I've already lost four pounds. |
| 404 | You can so totally tell. |
| 405 | I know! |
| 406 | Well, let's see, maybe he knows where Ross is. |
| 407 | Hey, how's it going? |
| 408 | Aren't you... Yeah, Rachel. |
| 409 | And this is Ross's sister Monica. |
| 410 | We met at Thanksgiving. |
| 411 | ( chuckles ): Right. So, how you doing? |
| 412 | Bitchin'. |
| 413 | Hi, Monica. Hi, Chandler. |
| 414 | It's really nice to see you. |
| 415 | Not. ( snickers ) |
| 416 | Okay. |
| 417 | I'll see if I can find Ross. |
| 418 | Okay. |
| 419 | Oh, my God, Rach, beanbag chairs. |
| 420 | Oh. Do not let me sit in one of those. |
| 421 | We'll be here for days. |
| 422 | Listen, Adrienne, |
| 423 | you can't tell Chandler about this. |
| 424 | Oh, believe me, Ross, |
| 425 | I won't be telling anybody about this. |
| 426 | Cool. |
| 427 | I didn't know you knew about that. |
| 428 | Well, I did, and it hurt. |
| 429 | That's when I wrote the song, "Betrayal in the Common Room." |
| 430 | ( sighs ) |
| 431 | Man, I... I'm sorry. |
| 432 | Look... it was a long time ago. |
| 433 | So, uh... |
| 434 | I made out with Adrienne, and you made out with Missy. |
| 435 | Well, I guess we're even. |
| 436 | Mm-hmm. |
| 437 | We are even, right? |
| 438 | ( sighs ) |
| 439 | Just one more thing. |
| 440 | I was so pissed at you that night |
| 441 | that I wanted to get back at you, |
| 442 | so I thought, who does Ross like more than anybody? |
| 443 | What did you do to my mom? |
| 444 | Not her. |
| 445 | ( dance music playing ) |
| 446 | ♪ Talk about, talk about ♪ |
| 447 | ♪ Talk about movin' ♪ |
| 448 | ♪ Gotta move on ♪ |
| 449 | I am so drunk. |
| 450 | That's weird-- I've had the same number of beers as you, |
| 451 | and I don't feel anything at all. |
| 452 | So, you girls having fun? |
| 453 | For your information, assmunch... |
| 454 | ...I've lost four pounds. |
| 455 | Maybe even five, with all the dancing. |
| 456 | Did somebody order a pizza? |
| 457 | Oh, that's me! |
| 458 | I am so not gonna do good on my SATs tomorrow. |
| 459 | Well, maybe you could go to school here next year, |
| 460 | and we could totally hang out. |
| 461 | Oh, yeah, there's a plan. |
| 462 | Why don't I just start taking my smart pills now. |
| 463 | Well, maybe you could get in on a beauty scholarship. |
| 464 | ( laughs ): What a line. |
| 465 | So, where are you applying to? |
| 466 | Um, well, you know, I think it's kind of really important |
| 467 | that I go somewhere where there's sun, |
| 468 | so I'm sort of... |
| 469 | Hey! |
| 470 | I'm in college, and I'm in a band. |
| 471 | Yeah, okay. |
| 472 | ♪ Gotta move on... ♪ |
| 473 | What's the matter? |
| 474 | You never saw a 50 year-old stripper cry before? |
| 475 | You know, it's fine. |
| 476 | We'll pay you. |
| 477 | No, no, you're right. |
| 478 | Who am I kidding? |
| 479 | I should've hung up that break-away jock strap years ago. |
| 480 | What am I gonna do? |
| 481 | I mean, this has been my life for 32 years. |
| 482 | Taking my clothes off in front of people is all I know. |
| 483 | Well, wait, no, there's got to be |
| 484 | something else that you can do. |
| 485 | I mean, what skills do you have? |
| 486 | I don't know. |
| 487 | I can make my pecs dance. |
| 488 | I can pick up a dollar bill with my butt cheeks. |
| 489 | I can go to that special place inside me |
| 490 | where I feel no shame. |
| 491 | So maybe something in an office? |
| 492 | Or you could, you could teach stripping. |
| 493 | You know, share your gift. |
| 494 | Pass the torch. |
| 495 | You know, actually that's not a bad idea. |
| 496 | I could do it out of my apartment. |
| 497 | I don't think my mom would mind. |
| 498 | All right, there you go. |
| 499 | Okay, you think you're going to be okay? |
| 500 | Yeah. Yeah, yeah. |
| 501 | This is so weird. |
| 502 | You never know when it's gonna be your last dance. |
| 503 | And I didn't even get a chance to finish it. |
| 504 | Finish it. |
| 505 | What? |
| 506 | Your last dance-- do it for us. |
| 507 | Really? |
| 508 | Really? |
| 509 | Yeah. Yeah. |
| 510 | He deserves to do the thing he loves one last time. |
| 511 | Okay. All right. |
| 512 | Get ready, ladies. |
| 513 | Okay. |
| 514 | ( upbeat dance music plays ) |
| 515 | ( whooping ) |
| 516 | ( screaming ) |
| 517 | ( whooping ) |
| 518 | Oh, this is so hot! |
| 519 | Oh, no, no, don't stop. |
| 520 | ( panting ) |
| 521 | Have to. Oh. |
| 522 | Well, welcome to the Winner's Circle. |
| 523 | Joey, Gene, you guys ready? |
| 524 | Yeah. |
| 525 | Sure. |
| 526 | Okay. Give me 60 seconds |
| 527 | on the clock, please. |
| 528 | Ready. Go. |
| 529 | Oak, maple, elm, birch. |
| 530 | I dunno... Types of trees. |
| 531 | ( bell rings ) |
| 532 | Uh... Buenos dias. Enchilada. Por favor. |
| 533 | Oh, I'm sorry. |
| 534 | I don't know any Spanish words. |
| 535 | ( bell rings ) |
| 536 | Wow. |
| 537 | A match. A candle. |
| 538 | Things that go "tsss" when you put them out. |
| 539 | A torch. A bonfire. |
| 540 | Uh... Your pee. |
| 541 | Things that burn! |
| 542 | "I'd like to go for a walk." |
| 543 | "Scratch my belly." |
| 544 | Dude, dude, I think you're losing it. |
| 545 | "I have fur." |
| 546 | "I like to bark." |
| 547 | Oh, oh, oh. What a dog says. |
| 548 | Peppero... |
| 549 | Pizza toppings! Next! |
| 550 | Cindy Crawford. Christie Brinkley. Heidi Klum. |
| 551 | Claudia Schiffer. |
| 552 | Oh, oh, oh, oh! |
| 553 | Christy Turlington. |
| 554 | Uh, Kate Moss. |
| 555 | Girls Chandler could never get? |
| 556 | ( buzzer ) |
| 557 | Supermodels. |
| 558 | Where? |
| 559 | Hey. Where's Rachel? |
| 560 | She and Phoebe took the stripper to the hospital. |
| 561 | Did you know Chandler kissed Rachel? |
| 562 | What? When, when was this?. |
| 563 | 1987. |
| 564 | The weekend you guys visited me at school. |
| 565 | Oh, my God. That's wild. |
| 566 | Yeah, but it was like |
| 567 | a million years ago, |
| 568 | so it doesn't matter. |
| 569 | Well, it matters to me. |
| 570 | Why? |
| 571 | Because the night you kissed Rachel |
| 572 | was the night I kissed Rachel |
| 573 | for the very first time. |
| 574 | You kissed her that night, too? |
| 575 | Two guys in one night? |
| 576 | Oh, I thought she became a slut |
| 577 | after she got her nose fixed. |
| 578 | Seriously, where did this happen? |
| 579 | Okay, after you told me she was passed out in our room, |
| 580 | I went in there to make sure she was all right. |
| 581 | She was lying on my bed, all buried in people's coats. |
| 582 | Well, I-I went to kiss her on the forehead, |
| 583 | you know, but it was so dark I accidentally got her lips. |
| 584 | I started to pull away, |
| 585 | but then I felt her start to kiss me back. |
| 586 | It was only for a second, but... |
| 587 | it was amazing |
| 588 | and now, now I find out that you kissed her first. |
| 589 | Wait-- what bed did you say she was on? |
| 590 | Mine. |
| 591 | I'm pretty sure I put her on my bed. |
| 592 | No, she was definitely on my bed. |
| 593 | Why would I kiss a girl and then put her on your bed? |
| 594 | Well, then, who was on my bed? |
| 595 | Oh! Oh! Oh! |
| 596 | No! No, no! |
| 597 | Yes! |
| 598 | You were under the pile of coats? |
| 599 | I was the pile of coats. |
| 600 | Oh, my God! |
| 601 | You were my mystery midnight kisser?! |
| 602 | You were my first kiss with Rachel?! |
| 603 | You were my first kiss ever?! |
| 604 | What did I marry into?! |
| 605 | ( dance music playing ) |
| 606 | Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org |
| 607 | Aw, crap. |
| 608 | |
| 1 | Oh, hey, Joey. |
| 2 | Mmm. Hey. |
| 3 | Listen, um, I need to ask you something. |
| 4 | Okay, you know how my stepdad's in prison? |
| 5 | Yeah. Yeah, well, |
| 6 | um, listen, he was supposed to get a weekend furlough |
| 7 | so he could come to the wedding tomorrow, |
| 8 | but he just called and, well, apparently, stabbing "Iceman" |
| 9 | in the exercise yard |
| 10 | just couldn't wait until Monday, so... |
| 11 | So, he can't come? |
| 12 | No. |
| 13 | And so there's no one to walk me down the aisle, |
| 14 | and, well, I would just really love it if you would do it. |
| 15 | Seriously? |
| 16 | Yeah. You've, you know, sort of been like a dad to me. |
| 17 | I mean, you've always, you know, looked out for me |
| 18 | and shared your wisdom. |
| 19 | I am pretty wisdomis. |
| 20 | So, what do you say? |
| 21 | Are you kidding? Phoebe, I would be honored. |
| 22 | Oh... thank you. |
| 23 | Ooh... |
| 24 | I hope... |
| 25 | I hope you know how much you mean to me. |
| 26 | Listen. I hope... |
| 27 | I hope that you know... |
| 28 | I don't want you to see your father cry. |
| 29 | Go to your room! |
| 30 | ♪ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ♪ |
| 31 | ♪ Your job's a joke, you're broke ♪ |
| 32 | ♪ Your love life's D.O.A. ♪ |
| 33 | ♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪ |
| 34 | ♪ When it hasn't been your day, your week ♪ |
| 35 | ♪ Your month, or even your year ♪ |
| 36 | ♪ But I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 37 | ♪ When the rain starts to pour ♪ |
| 38 | ♪ I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 39 | ♪ Like I've been there before ♪ |
| 40 | ♪ I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 41 | ♪ 'Cause you're there for me, too. ♪ |
| 42 | Oh, here. |
| 43 | Oh, no, no, no. Let your dad get this. |
| 44 | Ah... |
| 45 | ( phone rings ) |
| 46 | Oh... |
| 47 | It's my wedding planner. She's driving me crazy. |
| 48 | Hello. |
| 49 | Hey, okay, stop screaming. |
| 50 | Okay, so halibut. |
| 51 | All right, so salmon, either way, I don't... |
| 52 | It doesn't matter to me! |
| 53 | Well, it matters to me! |
| 54 | Well... |
| 55 | I don't care, so you pick. |
| 56 | Did you just hang up on me? |
| 57 | All right, look, I need you at the rehearsal dinner |
| 58 | tonight at 1800 hours. |
| 59 | Uh-huh. Okay. What time is that? |
| 60 | You don't know military time? |
| 61 | I must have been in missile training |
| 62 | the day they taught that. |
| 63 | Just subtract 12. |
| 64 | Okay, so, 1,800 minus 12 is... |
| 65 | 1,788... |
| 66 | Six o'clock! Okay. |
| 67 | ( phone rings ) |
| 68 | Hold on. Yeah. Geller here. |
| 69 | No, I said it has to be there by 4:00. Good-bye. |
| 70 | God, how hard is it to make an ice sculpture? |
| 71 | Ice sculpture? That sounds really fancy. |
| 72 | I told you, I just want a simple wedding. |
| 73 | Please. Honey, leave the details to me. |
| 74 | Now, I want to make this day as special for you as I can. |
| 75 | Now, okay, I was thinking |
| 76 | that the harpist should wear white. |
| 77 | Well, harpist? |
| 78 | My friend Marjorie is playing the steel drums. |
| 79 | Oh, she backed out. |
| 80 | She did? Why? |
| 81 | I made her. |
| 82 | Steel drums don't really say elegant wedding, |
| 83 | nor does Marjorie's overwhelming scent. |
| 84 | Hey. She will shower when Tibet is free. |
| 85 | Hey. You look great. |
| 86 | Hey. You, too. |
| 87 | I'm so glad we're having this rehearsal dinner. |
| 88 | You know, I so rarely get to practice my meals |
| 89 | before I eat them. |
| 90 | Okay, what did we say was your one gift to us? |
| 91 | No stupid jokes. |
| 92 | But I thought that was for the actual wedding. |
| 93 | Rehearse it. |
| 94 | Hi. |
| 95 | Thanks for coming, you guys. |
| 96 | Oh, yeah. Oh. |
| 97 | I, uh, I was, uh, I was going |
| 98 | for a handshake. |
| 99 | Is that why your hand is pressed against my crotch? |
| 100 | That is why. Yeah. |
| 101 | Rach? Yeah? |
| 102 | Where's Emma? |
| 103 | Oh, Monica made me send her |
| 104 | to my mother's. |
| 105 | Apparently, babies and weddings don't mix. |
| 106 | Are you still crying about your damn baby? |
| 107 | Phoebes... |
| 108 | you got to keep the line moving. |
| 109 | Remember, 20 seconds per person. |
| 110 | You see these clowns all the time. |
| 111 | Hey, you're Mike's parents, right? |
| 112 | Yes, we are. |
| 113 | Gosh, our little ones are growing up fast, huh? |
| 114 | How's that? |
| 115 | You know, on the one hand, you're happy for them, |
| 116 | but on the other hand, it's hard to let go. |
| 117 | Who in God's name are you? |
| 118 | Hey, I'm not that fond of you either, okay, buddy, |
| 119 | but I'm just trying to be nice for the kids. |
| 120 | You know what I just realized? |
| 121 | We have no idea what we're doing |
| 122 | in the wedding tomorrow. |
| 123 | Yeah, I thought we'd be groomsmen, |
| 124 | but wouldn't they have asked us by now? |
| 125 | When did they ask you to be a bridesmaid? |
| 126 | Uh, November. |
| 127 | I want to say it's not looking good. |
| 128 | Hey, Phoebes? |
| 129 | Sorry? |
| 130 | You haven't told these guys what their doing |
| 131 | in the wedding yet. |
| 132 | Um, well, they're not in the wedding. |
| 133 | What? |
| 134 | Well... |
| 135 | this is really awkward. |
| 136 | Oh, and I can leave. |
| 137 | I'm sorry, you guys, |
| 138 | but, you know, Mike's got his brother |
| 139 | and his friends from school, so, you know, you were... |
| 140 | If it helps, you were next in line. |
| 141 | You just missed the cut. |
| 142 | Oh, man. |
| 143 | This is like figure skating team all over again. |
| 144 | I mean, synchronized swimming. |
| 145 | I mean... I mean, the balance beam. |
| 146 | Help me. Football. |
| 147 | Thank you. |
| 148 | Oh, Phoebes. Spit that out. That has pork in it. |
| 149 | Oh! |
| 150 | I thought the pot stickers were supposed to be vegetarian. |
| 151 | Yeah. I changed them. I sent you a fax about it. |
| 152 | I don't have a fax machine. |
| 153 | Huh. Well, then there are going to be a few surprises. |
| 154 | I can't believe we're going to be |
| 155 | the only people that aren't in this wedding. |
| 156 | I know. I hate being left out of things. |
| 157 | And it's a wedding. |
| 158 | It'll be weird if I'm not in it. |
| 159 | Hey, guys. How's it going? Fine. |
| 160 | We're just sitting here, alone, doing nothing. |
| 161 | It's our rehearsal for tomorrow. |
| 162 | Yeah, look, about tomorrow, I've got a question for you. |
| 163 | I just found out that one of my groomsman |
| 164 | had an emergency and can't make it. |
| 165 | What happened? |
| 166 | Who cares? And? |
| 167 | And I was wondering if, you know, maybe one of you guys... |
| 168 | I'll do it. Me, me! |
| 169 | You both want to do it? There's only room for one. |
| 170 | Pick me. I look great in a tux and I will not steal focus. |
| 171 | No. Mike, no, no. You want to pick me. |
| 172 | I mean... watch. |
| 173 | Eh?! |
| 174 | You know, I really don't feel very comfortable |
| 175 | making this decision. |
| 176 | You know, Phoebe knows you better. |
| 177 | I'm going to let her choose. |
| 178 | Well, if Phoebe is choosing, then say hello |
| 179 | to Mike's next groomsman. |
| 180 | Oh, I will. But I will need a mirror... |
| 181 | as he is me. |
| 182 | Please. You're going down. |
| 183 | You are going downer. |
| 184 | Is that what they say on the figure skating team? |
| 185 | I wouldn't know, I didn't make it. |
| 186 | So, you know I'm filling in for Phoebe's stepdad |
| 187 | tomorrow, right? |
| 188 | Yeah, yeah. Thanks for doing that. |
| 189 | Oh, hey, my pleasure. |
| 190 | So what are your intentions with my Phoebe? |
| 191 | I intend to marry her. |
| 192 | Oh... a wiseacre. |
| 193 | So, I understand |
| 194 | you plan to support your wife by playing the piano? |
| 195 | Isn't that kind of unstable? |
| 196 | No more so than acting. |
| 197 | Strike two. |
| 198 | You're right. |
| 199 | She probably will support me. |
| 200 | Hey, unless we move in with you, Dad. |
| 201 | Strike three. |
| 202 | You only get one more, Mike. |
| 203 | So, what, uh, what did you decide? |
| 204 | I decided to pee. |
| 205 | Mike didn't tell you? |
| 206 | You have to choose one of us to be |
| 207 | in your wedding. |
| 208 | One of his groomsmen fell out. |
| 209 | Oh, no, no. I can't choose between you two. |
| 210 | I love you both so much. |
| 211 | Just not enough to put us |
| 212 | in the original wedding party. |
| 213 | Oh... |
| 214 | But I don't want to choose. |
| 215 | It's... Oh, okay, wait. Rach! |
| 216 | Yeah? |
| 217 | Um, Listen, I have a very special |
| 218 | bridesmaid task for you to do. |
| 219 | Oh! Goodie! What is it? |
| 220 | Well, there's a spot open for only one groomsman |
| 221 | and you have to choose between Ross and Chandler. |
| 222 | So, good luck with that. |
| 223 | What? What? No, no. I don't-- don't want to do that. |
| 224 | All right. I guess I have to find a new bridesmaid. |
| 225 | I'll do it! |
| 226 | Okay, it's 2100 hours. Time for your toasts. |
| 227 | Do I have a minute to go to the bathroom? |
| 228 | You had a bathroom break at 2030. |
| 229 | Pee on your own time, Mike! |
| 230 | Now... in regards to the toast, okay, |
| 231 | you want to keep them short. |
| 232 | Nothing kills a rehearsal dinner |
| 233 | like long speeches. |
| 234 | Okay, you just get in, do your thing and get out. |
| 235 | Is that what you say to Chandler? |
| 236 | It's 2101 and I am not amused. |
| 237 | Okay, the bride and groom have a few words |
| 238 | they'd like to say. |
| 239 | Okay. Hello, everyone. |
| 240 | And thank you all for being here tonight. |
| 241 | So tomorrow's the big event. |
| 242 | And some of you might not know, |
| 243 | but Mike and I didn't get off to the best start. |
| 244 | Um, yeah, my, um... my friend Joey and I, |
| 245 | decided to fix each other up with friends, so... |
| 246 | I-I... |
| 247 | Oh, okay. I, um... |
| 248 | I-I gave it a lot of thought and I fixed him up |
| 249 | with my friend Mary Ellen, |
| 250 | who couldn't be here tonight because... |
| 251 | It's not... |
| 252 | not important. Well, she's in rehab. |
| 253 | Anyway, so okay, yeah. |
| 254 | So, Joey said that he was fixing me up with his friend Mike, |
| 255 | only he didn't have a friend Mike, |
| 256 | so he just brought, uh, my Mike. |
| 257 | And, and... ( clears throat ) |
| 258 | But despite, you know, it got, it got good. |
| 259 | Okay, I want to take a moment to mention my mother |
| 260 | who couldn't be here. |
| 261 | Oh, God. |
| 262 | And... and moment's over. |
| 263 | So, okay. Um... |
| 264 | Oh, no. Forget that. |
| 265 | I can forget that, and, oh, this is funny... |
| 266 | But you need to know that to... |
| 267 | to get that, so... |
| 268 | Oh, well, okay, um... |
| 269 | I... okay... |
| 270 | There... Okay, Monica, I can't do it like this! |
| 271 | This is my wedding, okay? |
| 272 | I don't want, I don't want this. |
| 273 | Or this. Or this. |
| 274 | Okay? |
| 275 | I just wanted a simple wedding where my fiancé |
| 276 | can go to the bathroom anytime he wants! |
| 277 | You know what, you're done. |
| 278 | What? You're fired! |
| 279 | Cheers. |
| 280 | Hey. |
| 281 | Happy wedding day! |
| 282 | Oh, happy my wedding day to you. |
| 283 | Okay, now, Joey, listen. |
| 284 | This is going to be bridesmaid central, all right? |
| 285 | We're going to have hair and makeup going on |
| 286 | in the bathroom and, uh, oh, I had to move |
| 287 | a couple things in the fridge to make room for the corsages. |
| 288 | Oh, man. I wouldn't have had breakfast |
| 289 | if I knew there was going to be corsages. |
| 290 | Hi. |
| 291 | Um... about last night. |
| 292 | I know you're under a lot of stress, |
| 293 | and, uh, well, even though |
| 294 | the things you said hurt me a little bit... |
| 295 | Uh, my point is, uh, |
| 296 | well, I'm willing to take my job back. |
| 297 | Oh, well, that's okay. |
| 298 | I think, I think you and I will do much better |
| 299 | if you're just, you know, here as a bridesmaid. |
| 300 | Oh. |
| 301 | Is that so? |
| 302 | Okay. |
| 303 | If that's really what you want, then, here. |
| 304 | I give you the headset. |
| 305 | Well, I don't really want to give you the headset. |
| 306 | Yeah, well, I guess |
| 307 | if you're taking over, |
| 308 | then you should probably return these messages. |
| 309 | Oh, this is a lot. |
| 310 | Uh-huh. |
| 311 | But I-I'm sure you can handle this. |
| 312 | I mean, I have won awards for my organizational skills, |
| 313 | but I'm sure you'll do fine. |
| 314 | You've won awards? |
| 315 | Mm-hmm. |
| 316 | I printed them out on my computer. |
| 317 | Hey. Hi. |
| 318 | Where's Rach? |
| 319 | She's in her room. Why? |
| 320 | Oh, I have to talk to her |
| 321 | about this groomsman situation, okay? |
| 322 | I'm not gonna watch Chandler up there |
| 323 | while I'm sitting in the seats like some chump. |
| 324 | ( knocking ) |
| 325 | ( gasps ) |
| 326 | My God, you're breathtaking. |
| 327 | What do you want? |
| 328 | You haven't, by any chance, chosen |
| 329 | a groomsman yet, have you? |
| 330 | Oh, Ross, come on, please. |
| 331 | Don't make this harder than it already is. |
| 332 | I'm not. I'm making it easier. Pick me. |
| 333 | Well, Chandler said that it's really important to him, too. |
| 334 | Listen, listen. |
| 335 | Whoever you pick is going to walk down the aisle with you. |
| 336 | Now, I promise, I won't say a word, but if you pick Chandler, |
| 337 | he's going to be whispering stupid jokes |
| 338 | in your ear the whole time. |
| 339 | Oh, you are the lesser of two evils. |
| 340 | Yes! |
| 341 | Sven, I don't understand what you're saying. |
| 342 | What is wrong with the flowers? |
| 343 | Lorkins? What the hell are lorkins? |
| 344 | ♪ I know. ♪ |
| 345 | Hey. Listen, Mike, |
| 346 | if you were Swedish |
| 347 | and you were saying the word "lorkins," |
| 348 | what flower would that be? |
| 349 | Orchids? |
| 350 | Right there. |
| 351 | That's why I'm marrying you. |
| 352 | I... |
| 353 | Hello, Michael. |
| 354 | Joseph. |
| 355 | May I have a word with you, please? |
| 356 | This is... is great. |
| 357 | Have a seat. |
| 358 | Last night... |
| 359 | ( Italian accent ): I tried to welcome you into my family. |
| 360 | Instead, you disrespect me. |
| 361 | I cannot allow this. |
| 362 | Are you rehearsing |
| 363 | for some really bad Mafia movie? |
| 364 | More back talk. |
| 365 | And yes, I may be borrowing a few lines |
| 366 | from my recent unsuccessful audition |
| 367 | for Family Honor 2: This-a Time, It's-a Personal. |
| 368 | Joey, I kind of have a lot to do today. |
| 369 | What do you, what do you want? |
| 370 | I want you to take this seriously. |
| 371 | Phoebe is very, very important to me, okay? |
| 372 | And I want to make sure that you |
| 373 | are going to take care of her. |
| 374 | Well... Joe, |
| 375 | I love Phoebe. |
| 376 | She's the single most important thing in my life. |
| 377 | I'd die before I'd let anything happen to her. |
| 378 | That's what I wanted to hear, |
| 379 | because she's family, okay? |
| 380 | And now you're gonna be family, |
| 381 | and there's nothing more important in the whole world |
| 382 | than family. |
| 383 | That must have been one lousy movie. |
| 384 | That was me! |
| 385 | Hi. |
| 386 | Hey. Can I talk to you |
| 387 | about this groomsman thing? |
| 388 | If you pick Ross, you know, |
| 389 | he'll walk you down the aisle just fine, |
| 390 | but if you choose me, you'll be getting some comedy. |
| 391 | Even so... |
| 392 | I think I'm going to pick Ross. |
| 393 | Let me tell you why you need to pick me. |
| 394 | Okay. |
| 395 | ( sighs ) |
| 396 | See, when I was a kid, you know, I was always |
| 397 | left out of everything, you know, |
| 398 | and it really made me feel... insecure, you know. |
| 399 | I was always picked last in gym, |
| 400 | even behind that big, fat exchange student |
| 401 | who didn't even know the rules to baseball. |
| 402 | I mean, this guy would strike out and then run to third. |
| 403 | Anyway, if I'm the only one left out of this wedding, I just know |
| 404 | that all those feelings are going to come rushing back. |
| 405 | All right, fine, I pick you. |
| 406 | Y-Y-Yes! |
| 407 | Make groom for Chandler. |
| 408 | Oh, my. |
| 409 | No, we're gonna do it my way. |
| 410 | Because your way is stupid. |
| 411 | All right, I gotta go. |
| 412 | I have another call, Reverend. |
| 413 | Hello. |
| 414 | I'm glad we had this little talk. |
| 415 | Yes. Yeah, |
| 416 | and thanks for all the wedding night advice. |
| 417 | That didn't make me uncomfortable at all. |
| 418 | All right, and so, I-I'll see everybody tonight. |
| 419 | Okay. Bye. |
| 420 | Uh, did you guys know that there's |
| 421 | a giant ice sculpture in the hall? |
| 422 | Oh, my God, what's it doing here? |
| 423 | I guess it got sent to the billing address |
| 424 | as opposed to the shipping address. |
| 425 | Oh! What a pickle. |
| 426 | My God. Everything's such a mess. |
| 427 | Why is this happening to me?! |
| 428 | How bad do you want to stick your tongue on that? |
| 429 | How's it going? |
| 430 | Good. |
| 431 | I'm just getting some coffee |
| 432 | so I'm alert for the wedding. |
| 433 | That's what I was doing, too. |
| 434 | Well, uh... |
| 435 | you have fun tonight. |
| 436 | You, too. |
| 437 | Oh, I will. |
| 438 | Me, too. |
| 439 | Wait a minute. |
| 440 | I know why I'm being such an ass. |
| 441 | Why are you? |
| 442 | I'm not supposed to tell you. |
| 443 | I'm not supposed to tell you. |
| 444 | You told us both we could be in the wedding? |
| 445 | Well... |
| 446 | In my defense... |
| 447 | you weren't supposed to tell each other. |
| 448 | Rachel, only one of us can do it. |
| 449 | You have to choose. |
| 450 | You and me together again. |
| 451 | Rach, Rach, knock-knock. |
| 452 | Who's there? |
| 453 | I'll tell you at the wedding. |
| 454 | Hey, I forgot my scarf. |
| 455 | You know what? I can't do this. |
| 456 | I don't know which one of you guys to pick. |
| 457 | Oh, you haven't picked yet? |
| 458 | Oh, good, 'cause I had, I had an idea. |
| 459 | I thought it would be fun |
| 460 | if the third groomsman was my family dog, Chappy. |
| 461 | What? A dog? No. |
| 462 | Rachel gets to choose. |
| 463 | Wow, this is a tough one. |
| 464 | I think I'm gonna have to go with the dog. |
| 465 | All right, wait, wait. So, what, what you're saying |
| 466 | is that-that the chef is at the Hamilton Club, |
| 467 | but the food is not, |
| 468 | and the drinks are there, but the bartender is not? |
| 469 | Are-are-are you freaking kidding me?! |
| 470 | How's it going? |
| 471 | Help me. What? |
| 472 | I want you to be crazy bitch again. |
| 473 | Really? |
| 474 | Please. |
| 475 | You really want me to come back? |
| 476 | More than I want to get married. |
| 477 | Okay, people, we are back in business! |
| 478 | We have missed you so much. |
| 479 | Okay. Go get your hair and makeup done |
| 480 | and I'll take care of everything. |
| 481 | Hey, what are you guys gonna do? |
| 482 | About what? |
| 483 | The blizzard. |
| 484 | I just saw on the news. |
| 485 | It's like the worst snowstorm in 20 years. |
| 486 | They already closed all the bridges and tunnels. |
| 487 | What? But... |
| 488 | ( gasps ) But the band |
| 489 | and the photographer are coming |
| 490 | all the way in from New Jersey. |
| 491 | I don't think they are. |
| 492 | Ha-ha. Looks like you're not going |
| 493 | to be in the wedding either. |
| 494 | So sorry, Pheebs. |
| 495 | Well, the club lost its power. |
| 496 | Yeah, according to the news, most of the city did. |
| 497 | Since when do you watch the news? |
| 498 | Uh, for your information, |
| 499 | since they hired a very hot weather girl. |
| 500 | I can't believe you guys |
| 501 | aren't going to be able to get married today. |
| 502 | I know. |
| 503 | RACHEL: Well, you know, it's so beautiful out there. |
| 504 | You always wanted to get married outside. |
| 505 | Why don't you guys just do it on the street? |
| 506 | What? |
| 507 | Well, look, it's hardly snowing anymore. |
| 508 | I mean, you couldn't ask for a more romantic setting. |
| 509 | This could be the simple wedding you've always wanted. |
| 510 | What do you think? |
| 511 | I think I want to get married to you today. |
| 512 | Me, too. |
| 513 | Monica, do you think we could do it? |
| 514 | Affirmative. |
| 515 | Okay, let's get these chairs out here. |
| 516 | Gunther, |
| 517 | hit the Christmas lights. |
| 518 | Ah... |
| 519 | Okay, who left the ice sculpture |
| 520 | on the steam grate?! |
| 521 | Michael. |
| 522 | Hey, you made it. Great. Chappy! |
| 523 | There you go. Hi. |
| 524 | Hi. |
| 525 | Mom, I know getting married in the street |
| 526 | isn't something you approve of... |
| 527 | No, it's lovely. |
| 528 | The lights and the snow... |
| 529 | I could look at them forever. |
| 530 | I crushed a pill and put it in her drink. |
| 531 | ( chuckling ) |
| 532 | Come on, sweetheart. |
| 533 | You know, Chappy's too small |
| 534 | to handle all this snow. |
| 535 | Someone's going to have to walk him down the aisle. |
| 536 | So, technically, would this person be in the wedding? |
| 537 | I guess. |
| 538 | BOTH: I'll do it. |
| 539 | Wait, no, but, Chandler, hello? |
| 540 | I mean, aren't you, aren't you scared of dogs? |
| 541 | I'm not scared. |
| 542 | I'll just take little Chappy and... |
| 543 | He can sense my fear! My throat is exposed! |
| 544 | Well, I guess I'm |
| 545 | in the wedding, then. |
| 546 | Ha, ha! |
| 547 | He stinks. |
| 548 | Level one alert! |
| 549 | I repeat, level one! |
| 550 | This is not a drill. |
| 551 | Okay, we've got a situation. |
| 552 | The minister just called. |
| 553 | He's snowed in, he can't make it. Oh, no. |
| 554 | JOEY: Oh, hey, don't worry. |
| 555 | I'm still ordained from your wedding. |
| 556 | Really? Yeah. |
| 557 | You think I'd give up being a minister |
| 558 | and start paying to ride the subway? |
| 559 | Uh, ministers don't ride the subway for free. |
| 560 | I had to read the Bible pretty carefully, |
| 561 | but, yeah, we do. |
| 562 | Okay, if Joey does the ceremony, |
| 563 | then we have to find someone else |
| 564 | to walk Phoebe down the aisle. |
| 565 | I'll do it! |
| 566 | ( laughs mockingly ) |
| 567 | Ha, ha! |
| 568 | Okay, Mike and Joey, get in position. |
| 569 | Chandler, come with me. |
| 570 | Okay, Joey's doing the ceremony, |
| 571 | and Chandler's giving you away. |
| 572 | Oh, okay. |
| 573 | Hi, New Dad. |
| 574 | So, you ready to do this? |
| 575 | Uh-huh, uh-huh. Oh, my God. |
| 576 | This is really happening. |
| 577 | Mm-hmm. |
| 578 | Oh, Phoebe, I'm so happy for you, honey. |
| 579 | Oh, thank you. |
| 580 | I love you. Oh... |
| 581 | Wait, wait, wait, wait, no, no hugs. |
| 582 | The dresses. |
| 583 | Oh, what the hell. |
| 584 | Oh, come on. |
| 585 | ( moaning ) |
| 586 | I love you guys. |
| 587 | Love you. Love you. |
| 588 | Okay, it's zero hour. |
| 589 | All teams execute on my count. |
| 590 | Let's get this bad boy on the road. |
| 591 | Is it okay that I want you |
| 592 | to wear that headset in bed tonight? |
| 593 | Uh, I have you scheduled for nudity at 2300 hours. |
| 594 | Oh, yeah. |
| 595 | Okay, Marjorie, hit it. |
| 596 | ( steel drums playing "Can't Help Falling In Love") |
| 597 | Geez, Ross, you could have showered. |
| 598 | It's the dog. |
| 599 | Groomsmen, why are you just standing there? |
| 600 | Where is your bridesmaid? |
| 601 | We've got a broken arrow. Bridesmaid down. |
| 602 | Oh, it's me. |
| 603 | Ready? |
| 604 | Okay. Okay. |
| 605 | Wait. Oh, no. Wait. |
| 606 | Wow. |
| 607 | But aren't you going to be cold? |
| 608 | I don't care. |
| 609 | I'll-I'll-I'll be my "something blue." |
| 610 | You look beautiful. |
| 611 | Thank you. |
| 612 | ( steel drum music continues) |
| 613 | ( steel drum music continues) |
| 614 | ♪ ♪ |
| 615 | Oh, my God. |
| 616 | Aren't you freezing? |
| 617 | Nuh-uh. |
| 618 | ( music stops ) |
| 619 | ( clears throat ) |
| 620 | Friends, family, dog... |
| 621 | ...thank you all for being here to witness this blessed event. |
| 622 | The cold has now spread to my special place... |
| 623 | ...so I'm going to do the short version of this. |
| 624 | Phoebe and Mike |
| 625 | are perfect for each other, |
| 626 | and I know I speak for everyone here |
| 627 | when I wish them a lifetime of happiness. |
| 628 | Who has the rings? |
| 629 | Okay. |
| 630 | When I was growing up, |
| 631 | I didn't have a normal mom and dad, |
| 632 | or a regular family like everybody else. |
| 633 | And I always knew that something was missing. |
| 634 | But now I'm standing here today, |
| 635 | knowing that I have everything I'm ever going to need. |
| 636 | You are my family. |
| 637 | Phoebe, you are so beautiful. |
| 638 | You're so kind, you're so generous. |
| 639 | You're so wonderfully weird. |
| 640 | Every day with you is an adventure, |
| 641 | and I can't believe how lucky I am, |
| 642 | and I can't wait to share my life with you forever. |
| 643 | Oh, wait. Oh, I forgot. |
| 644 | And, um, I love you. |
| 645 | And you have nice eyes. |
| 646 | I love you, too. |
| 647 | Uh, Joey. Yeah? |
| 648 | Chappy's heart rate has slowed way down. |
| 649 | Oh, okay. |
| 650 | Uh, uh, Phoebe, |
| 651 | do you take this man to be your husband? |
| 652 | I do. |
| 653 | ( softly giggles ) |
| 654 | Uh, Mike, |
| 655 | do you take this woman to be your wife? |
| 656 | I do. |
| 657 | I now pronounce you husband and wife. |
| 658 | ( cheers and applause ) |
| 659 | I got married! |
| 660 | But could someone get me a coat? I'm frigging freezing. |
| 661 | Thank you. |
| 662 | ( steel drums play recessional ) |
| 663 | That really was an incredible wedding. |
| 664 | It was, yeah. |
| 665 | I kind of don't want it to end. |
| 666 | Hey, you want to come in for a drink |
| 667 | and a bite of corsage? |
| 668 | I'd love to, but it's 2300 hours, |
| 669 | and I'm about to have the most organized sex anyone's ever had. |
| 670 | Nice-- oh, hey, whatever happened to Ross? |
| 671 | I don't know, maybe he hooked up |
| 672 | with that hot girl he was talking to. |
| 673 | Come on, Chappy, do your business. |
| 674 | Make! |
| 675 | Make! |
| 676 | I did not sign on for this. |
| 677 | |
| 1 | Hi. |
| 2 | Hey! Oh, my God! |
| 3 | Welcome back. How was the honeymoon? |
| 4 | Oh, incredible. |
| 5 | Oh, champagne, candlelit dinners, |
| 6 | moonlight walks on the beach. |
| 7 | It was so romantic. |
| 8 | So where's Mike? |
| 9 | Oh, he's at the doctor. |
| 10 | He didn't poop the whole time we were there. |
| 11 | Well, anyway, I'm glad you're back. |
| 12 | I really need your help. Oh, why? What's up? |
| 13 | Well, I have an audition for this play, |
| 14 | and for some of it, I have to speak French. |
| 15 | Which, according to my resume, I'm fluent in. |
| 16 | Joey, you shouldn't lie on your resume. |
| 17 | Yeah, you really shouldn't. |
| 18 | By the way, how was that yearlong dig in Cairo? |
| 19 | ( softly ): It was okay. |
| 20 | I did not know you spoke French. |
| 21 | Oui, bien sur je parle francais. |
| 22 | ( continues speaking French ) |
| 23 | Oh. You're so sexy. |
| 24 | JOEY: So will you help me? |
| 25 | I really want to be in this play. Sure. |
| 26 | ( speaking French ) |
| 27 | Seriously, stop it or I'm gonna jump on you. |
| 28 | ♪ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ♪ |
| 29 | ♪ Your job's a joke, you're broke ♪ |
| 30 | ♪ Your love life's D.O.A. ♪ |
| 31 | ♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪ |
| 32 | ♪ When it hasn't been your day, your week ♪ |
| 33 | ♪ Your month, or even your year ♪ |
| 34 | ♪ But I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 35 | ♪ 'Cause you're there for me, too. ♪ |
| 36 | Hey. Hey. |
| 37 | Why are you wearing my apron? |
| 38 | I'm making cookies for Erica. |
| 39 | By the way, we have to leave for the airport soon. |
| 40 | Her plane comes in in about an hour. |
| 41 | Oh, hey, when she gets here, is it okay if I introduce you two |
| 42 | as my wife, and the woman who's carrying my child? |
| 43 | No? |
| 44 | Divorce? |
| 45 | Hey. Hey. |
| 46 | You guys know where Rachel is? |
| 47 | I haven't seen her since this morning. |
| 48 | It's unbelievable. |
| 49 | She was supposed to meet me a half hour ago with Emma. |
| 50 | Hey. |
| 51 | Hey! |
| 52 | These are for Erica. |
| 53 | What, she's going to eat all those cookies? |
| 54 | Well, I want the baby to come out all cute and fat. |
| 55 | So why is Erica coming to visit? |
| 56 | Because we want to get to know her better, and, uh... |
| 57 | Plus, she's never been to New York, |
| 58 | so she's wants to see all the tourist spots: |
| 59 | the Statue of Liberty and Empire State Building... |
| 60 | Those places, there's always so many people, |
| 61 | and they're being corralled like cattle. |
| 62 | And there's always some idiot who goes "moo." |
| 63 | Well, if it annoys you so much, then why do you do it? |
| 64 | Oh, hi. Hi. |
| 65 | Thanks for showing up 30 minutes late. |
| 66 | Ross... No, no, no, I'm sure you have a great excuse. |
| 67 | What was it, a hair appointment? |
| 68 | A mani-pedi? |
| 69 | Was there a sale at Barney's? |
| 70 | My father had a heart attack... |
| 71 | while I was at Barney's. |
| 72 | Oh, my God. Honey... |
| 73 | I'm so sorry. |
| 74 | Is he okay? |
| 75 | Yeah, they said he's going to be fine, |
| 76 | but he's still heavily sedated. |
| 77 | Okay, okay, I'm going to come out |
| 78 | to Long Island with you. |
| 79 | I mean, you can't be alone right now. |
| 80 | No, come on, I'm totally okay. |
| 81 | ( cries ): I don't need you to come. |
| 82 | I can totally handle this on my own. |
| 83 | Still, still, let me come... for me. |
| 84 | Okay, if you really need to. |
| 85 | I bet someone could use |
| 86 | one of Monica's freshly baked cookies. |
| 87 | ( gasps ): Oh, I really could. |
| 88 | All right, this seems pretty simple. |
| 89 | Your first line is, "My name is Claude." |
| 90 | So just repeat after me. |
| 91 | Je m'appelle Claude. |
| 92 | Je de coup, plau. |
| 93 | Well, let's just... let's try it again. |
| 94 | Okay. |
| 95 | Je m'appelle Claude. |
| 96 | Je de ple, mloo. |
| 97 | Huh. |
| 98 | It's not quite what I'm saying. |
| 99 | Really? |
| 100 | Sounds exactly the same to me. |
| 101 | It does, really? |
| 102 | Yeah. |
| 103 | All right, let's just try it again. |
| 104 | Really listen. Got it. |
| 105 | ( slowly ): Okay. Je m'appelle Claude. |
| 106 | Je da flup, flee. |
| 107 | Oh, mon dieu. |
| 108 | Oh, de foof. |
| 109 | Hey, you guys. |
| 110 | Hi. Hi. Hey. |
| 111 | I want you to meet someone really special. |
| 112 | Phoebe, this is Erica. |
| 113 | And this is the baby. |
| 114 | Joey... Erica. Baby. |
| 115 | Hi. Hi. |
| 116 | Everyone... Erica. Baby. |
| 117 | Monica. Calm. Self. |
| 118 | JOEY: Hey, sit down. |
| 119 | There you go. Thank you. |
| 120 | It's really nice to meet you guys. |
| 121 | I can't believe I'm here. |
| 122 | Welcome to New York City. |
| 123 | Or should I say... |
| 124 | Gue de floof, New York City. |
| 125 | Why would you say that? |
| 126 | Okay, what are you going to be doing today? |
| 127 | Well, I want to see everything: |
| 128 | Times Square, Coney Island, Rockefeller Center. |
| 129 | Oh, you know what you should do? |
| 130 | You should walk all the way to the top |
| 131 | of the Statue of Liberty. |
| 132 | Oh, yeah, let's do that. |
| 133 | Great. |
| 134 | This baby better be really good. |
| 135 | Hi. Excuse me, I'm here to see my father. |
| 136 | My name is Rachel Green. |
| 137 | And I'm Dr. Ross Geller. Ross, |
| 138 | please, this is a hospital, okay. |
| 139 | That actually means something here. |
| 140 | So can we please go in? |
| 141 | Absolutely. |
| 142 | Rach, I think I'm gonna wait out here because, uh... |
| 143 | my throat is feeling a little scratchy. |
| 144 | I don't want to infect him. |
| 145 | Ross, please, don't be so scared of him. |
| 146 | I'm not scared of him, I'm really sick. |
| 147 | He's under sedation, so he's pretty much out. |
| 148 | I'm feeling better. |
| 149 | ( gasps ) |
| 150 | Oh, my God. |
| 151 | Oh. Oh, wow, |
| 152 | that ear and nose hair trimmer I got him |
| 153 | was just money down the drain, huh? |
| 154 | Ms. Green, your father's doctor is on the phone |
| 155 | if you'd like to speak to him. |
| 156 | Oh, great. Are you going to be okay? |
| 157 | He's unconscious. I think we'll be just fine. |
| 158 | Okay. |
| 159 | ( horses neigh, dinosaur roars) |
| 160 | ( roars ) |
| 161 | ( chuckles ) |
| 162 | Um, did... did the TV wake you? |
| 163 | No. |
| 164 | When you put your feet up on my bed, |
| 165 | you tugged on my catheter. |
| 166 | Ouchie. |
| 167 | What are you doing here, Geller? |
| 168 | I came with Rachel, who should be back any second. |
| 169 | So what's new? |
| 170 | Oh, I had a little heart attack. |
| 171 | Right. Is it painful? |
| 172 | What, the heart attack, or sitting here talking to you? |
| 173 | ( chuckles nervously ) |
| 174 | Let's see if we can get that Rachel back here. |
| 175 | So what's new with you? |
| 176 | Knocked up any more of my daughters lately? |
| 177 | Nope. Just the one. Rach! |
| 178 | Je m'appelle Claude. |
| 179 | Je dup kol, mlu. |
| 180 | No! |
| 181 | Okay. |
| 182 | Maybe if we just break it down. |
| 183 | Okay, let's just... let's try it one syllable at a time. |
| 184 | Okay, so repeat after me. |
| 185 | Je. |
| 186 | Je. |
| 187 | M'a. M'a. |
| 188 | Pelle. Pelle. |
| 189 | Great. Okay, faster. |
| 190 | Je. Je. |
| 191 | M'a. M'a. |
| 192 | Pelle. Pelle. |
| 193 | Je m'appelle. Me poo poo. |
| 194 | Okay, it's too hard. |
| 195 | I can't teach you. |
| 196 | What are you doing? |
| 197 | I have to go before I put your head through a wall. |
| 198 | No, no! Don't go. I need you. |
| 199 | My audition is tomorrow. |
| 200 | Ja blu bla! |
| 201 | Me la pee! |
| 202 | Oom blah! |
| 203 | Poo. |
| 204 | Hey. Hi. |
| 205 | I was going to make us some dinner, |
| 206 | but all I found in your dad's fridge |
| 207 | was bacon and heavy cream. |
| 208 | I think we solved the mystery of the heart attack. |
| 209 | Did you call your parents? |
| 210 | Oh, yeah. Emma's doing great. |
| 211 | Oh, good. |
| 212 | Wow. |
| 213 | What? |
| 214 | Just can't believe I'm in Rachel Green's room. |
| 215 | What do you mean? You've been in my room before. |
| 216 | Yeah, sure, right. |
| 217 | Like I'd ever be in Rachel Green's room. |
| 218 | Okay, I gotta tell you, it's really weird |
| 219 | when you use my whole name. |
| 220 | Sorry. |
| 221 | You okay? |
| 222 | Yeah. |
| 223 | You had a rough day, huh? |
| 224 | Yeah. |
| 225 | Just so weird seeing him like that, you know? |
| 226 | I mean, he's a doctor. |
| 227 | You don't expect doctors to get sick. |
| 228 | But we do. |
| 229 | You know, he's going to be okay, Rach. |
| 230 | Oh, I don't want him to wake up alone. |
| 231 | I should go to the hospital. |
| 232 | No, no. Hey, hey, hey, look. |
| 233 | What? They gave him a lot of medication, okay? |
| 234 | He wouldn't even know if you were there. |
| 235 | We'll go see him first thing in the morning, okay? |
| 236 | Really? I shouldn't feel guilty? |
| 237 | No. Hey, Rach, you've been an amazing daughter, okay? |
| 238 | Right now you just need to get some rest. |
| 239 | Okay, maybe you're right. |
| 240 | Good night. |
| 241 | Wait, wait, wait, wait. |
| 242 | Would you stay here with me for a little while? |
| 243 | Sure. |
| 244 | Okay. |
| 245 | Thank you for coming with me today. |
| 246 | Oh, of course. |
| 247 | Rachel Green is very happy you're in her room. |
| 248 | Me, too. |
| 249 | Come here. |
| 250 | I just don't want to be alone tonight. |
| 251 | Okay, well, um... |
| 252 | I can maybe grab a sleeping bag or... |
| 253 | Oh... |
| 254 | Oh. |
| 255 | No, Rach! |
| 256 | I'm sorry, I just... |
| 257 | I just don't think this... this is a good idea. |
| 258 | Well, we won't know that until we do it, will we? |
| 259 | Uh, look, um, you are upset about your father |
| 260 | and you're feeling vulnerable. |
| 261 | And I just don't feel it would be right. |
| 262 | I feel like I'd be, you know, taking advantage of you. |
| 263 | Taking advantage? |
| 264 | I'm giving you the advantage. |
| 265 | Enjoy. |
| 266 | Look, I'm sure it would be great. |
| 267 | But I think one of us has to be thinking clearly. |
| 268 | So I'm going to go. |
| 269 | Wow. Okay. |
| 270 | I'll see you in the morning. Mm-hmm. |
| 271 | Haven't had sex in four months. |
| 272 | I should get a medal for that. |
| 273 | Thanks so much for taking me to all those places. |
| 274 | I had a great time. |
| 275 | Oh, I'm glad. |
| 276 | Listen, I want to apologize about Chandler, though. |
| 277 | I just did not see this coming. |
| 278 | New York is awesome! |
| 279 | What is with you? |
| 280 | You know, I've been to these places before, |
| 281 | but I've never really seen them, you know? |
| 282 | Yeah, you miss a lot when you're mooing. |
| 283 | Thanks so much for showing me around. |
| 284 | Oh, it was our pleasure. |
| 285 | We're so much enjoying getting to know you. |
| 286 | Well, if there's anything else you want to know... |
| 287 | Oh. Uh... |
| 288 | okay. |
| 289 | Um, do you mind if we ask you some questions about the father? |
| 290 | Oh, sure. Yeah. |
| 291 | He was my high school boyfriend. |
| 292 | Captain of the football team. Really cute. |
| 293 | And he got a scholarship and went off to college. |
| 294 | That's great. |
| 295 | Yeah, it's almost definitely him. |
| 296 | How's that now? |
| 297 | Well, there's a chance it's another guy. |
| 298 | I mean, I've only ever been with two guys, |
| 299 | but they sort of overlapped. |
| 300 | So what does the other guy do? |
| 301 | Does he go to college, too? |
| 302 | No, he's in prison. |
| 303 | Oh. Was he falsely accused of something? |
| 304 | No, he killed his father with a shovel. |
| 305 | But other than that, he's a great guy. |
| 306 | I'll bet his dad doesn't think so. |
| 307 | Are you awake? |
| 308 | Of course I'm awake! |
| 309 | Assume from now on that I'm always awake! |
| 310 | All right. |
| 311 | We don't know that it's him. |
| 312 | I mean, it could be the football guy. |
| 313 | Honey, it's us! |
| 314 | Of course it's the shovel killer! |
| 315 | All right, let's say that it is him. |
| 316 | Would we not want the baby? No. |
| 317 | Would you treat him any differently? |
| 318 | I'd keep an eye on him! |
| 319 | We have to find out which one the father is. |
| 320 | How? |
| 321 | I don't know. |
| 322 | They have tests for these things, right? |
| 323 | Yeah, but maybe we're just overreacting. |
| 324 | Easy for you to say. |
| 325 | He's a father killer. |
| 326 | He probably loves his mommy. |
| 327 | He's probably got a tattoo then says "Mom" |
| 328 | on his shovel-wielding arm. |
| 329 | MAN: We'll now count from one to five. |
| 330 | Un, deux, trois, quatre, cinq. |
| 331 | Enh, bluh, blah, fluh, flank. |
| 332 | Good job. |
| 333 | Thank you. |
| 334 | Hey. Hey, Joey. |
| 335 | Listen, I feel really badly about yesterday. |
| 336 | And I thought about it a lot. |
| 337 | I was too impatient. |
| 338 | So let's try it again. |
| 339 | No, that's okay. |
| 340 | I don't need your help. I worked on it myself. |
| 341 | And I gotta say I am pretty good. |
| 342 | Really? Can I hear some of it? |
| 343 | Sure, sure. |
| 344 | Okay. |
| 345 | ( clears throat ) |
| 346 | Blay de la blay de blu blah blay! |
| 347 | See? |
| 348 | You're not... You're not... |
| 349 | Again, you're not speaking French! |
| 350 | Oh, well, I think I am! |
| 351 | Yeah. And I think I'm definitely going to get the part. |
| 352 | How could you possibly think that? |
| 353 | For one thing, the guy on the tape |
| 354 | said I was doing a good job! |
| 355 | Hey, Rach, could you grab me a cup of coffee? |
| 356 | Sure. |
| 357 | You've been quiet all morning. |
| 358 | Is everything okay? |
| 359 | Mm-hmm. |
| 360 | You sure you're all right? |
| 361 | Yep. |
| 362 | Okay. |
| 363 | Um, well, I'm going to go grab us some breakfast. |
| 364 | FYI... |
| 365 | There it is. |
| 366 | In the future, |
| 367 | when a girl asks for some ill-advised sympathy sex, |
| 368 | just do it. |
| 369 | Wait, wait. |
| 370 | You're mad at me about last night? |
| 371 | I was just trying to do the right thing. |
| 372 | Really? |
| 373 | Well, it seems to me if you'd done the right thing, |
| 374 | I would not have woken up today |
| 375 | feeling stupid and embarrassed. |
| 376 | I would have woken up feeling comforted and satisfied. |
| 377 | Well... |
| 378 | Oh, stop that! |
| 379 | I can't believe this. What do you... I... |
| 380 | I was just being a good guy. |
| 381 | I treated you with respect and understanding. |
| 382 | Oh, that's so hot. |
| 383 | Hey, I was looking out for you! |
| 384 | Oh, really? |
| 385 | Well, Ross, you know what? |
| 386 | I am a big girl. |
| 387 | I don't need someone telling me |
| 388 | what is best for me. |
| 389 | I got to say |
| 390 | I've not had sex a lot of times before. |
| 391 | This is the worst ever. |
| 392 | Oh, really? Really? |
| 393 | Well, it wasn't very good for me, either. |
| 394 | Oh, okay. |
| 395 | Hey, hey, you know what? You know what? |
| 396 | To avoid this little thing in the future, |
| 397 | let's just say-- you and me? |
| 398 | Never having sex again. |
| 399 | What? That's right. |
| 400 | Sex is off the table. |
| 401 | I am never having sex with you again. |
| 402 | Dr. Green, are you feeling better? |
| 403 | Hey. |
| 404 | How was lunch? |
| 405 | We had a good time. |
| 406 | By the way, I wanted to ask you something. |
| 407 | It would really mean a lot to me-- |
| 408 | if the baby was a boy-- that you name him |
| 409 | after my father, Jiminy Billy Bob. |
| 410 | Oh, really? |
| 411 | No! |
| 412 | You were right. That was fun. |
| 413 | I'm going to go finish packing. |
| 414 | Okay. |
| 415 | So, is she going to take the test? |
| 416 | Nope. She doesn't have to. |
| 417 | I found out who the father is. |
| 418 | Oh, God. |
| 419 | It's Shovely Joe, isn't it? |
| 420 | No, it's not. How do you know? |
| 421 | Well, it turns out |
| 422 | that Erica didn't pay much attention is sex ed class |
| 423 | 'cause the thing she did with that prison guy? |
| 424 | It'd be pretty hard to make a baby that way. |
| 425 | Oh, God, what was it? |
| 426 | The thing we hardly ever do, |
| 427 | or the thing we never do? |
| 428 | The thing we never do. |
| 429 | Shovely Joe. |
| 430 | Whenever you're ready, Joey. |
| 431 | Right. |
| 432 | Jai boo boo, Claude. |
| 433 | Uh, sle poo. Laylu blah blu. |
| 434 | I'm sorry. What's going on? |
| 435 | Dude, come on. |
| 436 | French it up. |
| 437 | Joey, |
| 438 | do you speak French? |
| 439 | Toot de la smor! |
| 440 | Blu, blu ay, blu blah. Foo... |
| 441 | You know what? |
| 442 | I think this audition is over. |
| 443 | ( French accent ): Excuse me. |
| 444 | I am Regine Filange. |
| 445 | I was passing by when I heard this man |
| 446 | speaking the, the regional dialect |
| 447 | of my French town of Estee Lauder. |
| 448 | You really think this man is speaking French? |
| 449 | Oh, sa sa! |
| 450 | ( speaking French ) |
| 451 | ( continues speaking French ) |
| 452 | Good job, little buddy. |
| 453 | That was some really good French. |
| 454 | But I think we're going to go |
| 455 | with someone else for the part. |
| 456 | Oh. All right. |
| 457 | But my French was good? |
| 458 | It was great. |
| 459 | See? |
| 460 | Merci, au revoir. |
| 461 | Tout de la fruit. |
| 462 | Emma's down for the night. |
| 463 | Oh, good. |
| 464 | So I guess I'm going to take off. |
| 465 | Okay. |
| 466 | Hey, listen, just before you go. |
| 467 | Again, I just want to say thank you for coming with me. |
| 468 | Oh, no problem. |
| 469 | And also, you know, I, uh, I was thinking |
| 470 | about what you said, you know, |
| 471 | about the whole sex thing, and... |
| 472 | probably not a great idea to go down that road again. |
| 473 | Thank you. |
| 474 | I'm glad, I'm glad you agree. |
| 475 | It's a shame, though. |
| 476 | I mean, when we did it, it was pretty good. |
| 477 | Yeah, yeah, that's true. |
| 478 | Hey, do you remember that one really great time? |
| 479 | Oh, yeah. |
| 480 | You know, it was your birthday. |
| 481 | Valentine's Day. |
| 482 | Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. |
| 483 | Well, I guess that's all in the past now. |
| 484 | Mm-hmm. |
| 485 | Not even one more time. |
| 486 | Not even once. |
| 487 | No matter how much we want it. |
| 488 | Even if we want it really bad. |
| 489 | That's what we decided. |
| 490 | That's right. |
| 491 | It's kinda hard, though, |
| 492 | Yeah. you know? |
| 493 | When two people have a connection, you know |
| 494 | that's... just seems like such a... waste. |
| 495 | I hate waste. |
| 496 | Ross? |
| 497 | Yes? |
| 498 | Just so you know... |
| 499 | with us... |
| 500 | it's never off the table. |
| 501 | Damn it. It's never off the table. |
| 502 | Okay, can you really tap dance? |
| 503 | No. |
| 504 | It's off the resume. |
| 505 | Archery? |
| 506 | Nope. |
| 507 | Horseback riding? |
| 508 | Would fall off a lot. |
| 509 | You can drink a gallon of milk in ten seconds? |
| 510 | That I can do. |
| 511 | Come on. |
| 512 | You can drink a gallon of milk in ten seconds? |
| 513 | All right, watch me. |
| 514 | Okay, you time me. Ready? |
| 515 | Ready. |
| 516 | Go! |
| 517 | You did it! |
| 518 | Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org |
| 519 | |
| 1 | Thank you guys for having us over. |
| 2 | Yeah, this is fun. Couples night. |
| 3 | Yeah, I don't know why we don't hang out |
| 4 | with married couples more often. |
| 5 | Well, because every time we do, |
| 6 | you make jokes about swinging and scare them away. |
| 7 | You mean that Portuguese couple? |
| 8 | Yeah, like you wouldn't have done it. |
| 9 | Hey, you guys, I have great news. |
| 10 | Ross, we're kind of in the middle of dinner here. |
| 11 | Oh, well, uh, I already ate, but sure. |
| 12 | Guess what happened at work today. |
| 13 | A dinosaur died a million years ago? |
| 14 | Uh, try 65 million years ago, |
| 15 | and then try shh! |
| 16 | My, uh, tenure review board met today, |
| 17 | and I hear it's looking really good. |
| 18 | Wow. That's great. |
| 19 | Do you have any idea |
| 20 | what this means in academic circles, huh? |
| 21 | I am going to get laid. |
| 22 | Hi, you guys. |
| 23 | Hey. Ooh, Italian. |
| 24 | Uh, no one... no one wanted seconds, right? |
| 25 | No, I'm-I'm good. |
| 26 | Hey, you guys, |
| 27 | you're never going to believe it. |
| 28 | This headhunter called me. |
| 29 | I have a meeting tomorrow with Gucci. |
| 30 | Gucci wants me. |
| 31 | I'm up for tenure. |
| 32 | Congratulations. |
| 33 | You too. What are the odds? Oh... |
| 34 | Guess what?! |
| 35 | I finally got that seed out of my teeth! |
| 36 | I don't know who I'm happiest for. |
| 37 | I do. He's been working on that all day! |
| 38 | ♪ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ♪ |
| 39 | ♪ Your job's a joke, you're broke ♪ |
| 40 | ♪ Your love life's D.O.A. ♪ |
| 41 | ♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪ |
| 42 | ♪ When it hasn't been your day, your week ♪ |
| 43 | ♪ Your month, or even your year ♪ |
| 44 | ♪ But I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 45 | ♪ When the rain starts to pour ♪ |
| 46 | ♪ I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 47 | ♪ Like I've been there before ♪ |
| 48 | ♪ I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 49 | ♪ 'Cause you're there for me, too. ♪ |
| 50 | Hey, Mon, was it weird changing your name to Geller-Bing? |
| 51 | No. No, it felt nice to acknowledge this. |
| 52 | Where did you go to do it? |
| 53 | Um, the, uh... the-the Ministry of Names... |
| 54 | Bureau. |
| 55 | You never did it! |
| 56 | I'm sorry. It's just the idea of-of being an official Bing... |
| 57 | Hey, I will have you know that... |
| 58 | Aw, who am I kidding? Let's call the kid Geller |
| 59 | and let Bing die with me. |
| 60 | Here you go. Thanks. |
| 61 | Honey, would you want me to take your name? |
| 62 | Oh, it's up to you. |
| 63 | It's your name. You've got to live with it. |
| 64 | All right, let's see. Call me "Mrs. Hannigan." |
| 65 | Mrs. Hannigan? |
| 66 | What?! Can't you see |
| 67 | I'm in the middle of something?! |
| 68 | Ooh, I like it. |
| 69 | Hey, guys. Hey, Joe. |
| 70 | We got a couple things we got to check out |
| 71 | at the new house. |
| 72 | You want to come with us? |
| 73 | No, thank you. |
| 74 | Joey, I know you're not happy about us moving, |
| 75 | but you're the only one who hasn't seen the house. |
| 76 | Yeah, come with us. You'll see how close it is to the city. |
| 77 | But, no, it's not close. |
| 78 | You said it was in Escrow. |
| 79 | I couldn't even find that on the map. |
| 80 | Joey, please come. |
| 81 | It would mean so much to us. |
| 82 | You know what? |
| 83 | You are my friends. |
| 84 | I want to be supportive. |
| 85 | I will come with you. Shotgun. |
| 86 | Damn it! |
| 87 | All right, see you guys later. |
| 88 | Okay. We'll pick you up at 11:00. |
| 89 | I'm so glad you're coming. |
| 90 | Good for you. That was really mature. |
| 91 | No. The only reason I'm going |
| 92 | to their stupid new house is so I can point out |
| 93 | everything that's wrong with it so they don't move. |
| 94 | I'm going to make 'em stay here! |
| 95 | You're a strange kind of grownup. |
| 96 | Joey, you can't make someone do something they don't want to do. |
| 97 | Believe me, there's something I've been trying |
| 98 | to get Mike to do in bed, and there's... |
| 99 | Whoa, whoa, whoa, hey, hey. |
| 100 | Could we not talk about that now? |
| 101 | All right, prude. |
| 102 | Look, Monica and Chandler really love this house. |
| 103 | You are not going to talk them into staying here. |
| 104 | Hey, hey, I can convince people to do anything. |
| 105 | You know, I bet you I could even get Mike to do that thing. |
| 106 | What is it? |
| 107 | I am not going to help you do that! |
| 108 | Oh, my... God! |
| 109 | Hi, um, I'm here to see Mr. Campbell with Gucci. |
| 110 | The reservation's probably under Gucci. |
| 111 | It's-it's spelled like "Gucky," which can be confusing. |
| 112 | Mr. Campbell's not here yet. |
| 113 | Let me show you to his table. |
| 114 | Oh, my God, that's my boss! |
| 115 | You have to seat us somewhere else. |
| 116 | I'm sorry, that's always Mr. Campbell's table. |
| 117 | No, but my... but my boss cannot see me. |
| 118 | I'm interviewing for another job. |
| 119 | I know... with "Gucky." |
| 120 | Shh! |
| 121 | Rachel? |
| 122 | Hi, I'm on a date! |
| 123 | That's... great. |
| 124 | Yeah, it is, yeah. |
| 125 | You know, it's tough. Single mom, career. |
| 126 | You got to get out there! |
| 127 | Well... you've got a good energy. |
| 128 | Oh... |
| 129 | Rachel? Yes, hi. |
| 130 | James Campbell. |
| 131 | Hi. Hi. |
| 132 | Excuse us. Please. |
| 133 | Okay. Oh... |
| 134 | Well, now, he's cute. |
| 135 | So... your resume is quite impressive. |
| 136 | My... my resume? |
| 137 | I wouldn't... I wouldn't call |
| 138 | my-my online dating profile a resume. |
| 139 | Dating profile? No, no, I'm... |
| 140 | I'm talking about the work resume... |
| 141 | ♪ La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la... ♪ |
| 142 | Whatever happened to just singing for no reason? |
| 143 | Maybe people found it weird. |
| 144 | So... |
| 145 | why do you want to leave Ralph Lauren? |
| 146 | What?! I-I-I don't. |
| 147 | You don't? No, I-I love... I love it there! |
| 148 | If you don't want to leave, why are we having this lunch? |
| 149 | ( whispering ): That is my boss. |
| 150 | What? |
| 151 | That is my boss. |
| 152 | That's Hugo Boss? No... |
| 153 | God, this place is so depressing. |
| 154 | If I had to work here, I'd kill myself. |
| 155 | But you obviously haven't. |
| 156 | How can I help you? |
| 157 | Um, I need to change my name, please. |
| 158 | See, I need to change it, 'cause I'm-I'm hiding from the law. |
| 159 | You're fun. |
| 160 | You need to fill out this form. |
| 161 | Okay, well, just so I know-- I don't know how it works exactly. |
| 162 | See, my name is, um, Buffay, and my husband's name is Hannigan, |
| 163 | so is it supposed to be Buffay-Hannigan or Hannigan-Buffay? |
| 164 | It can be anything you want. |
| 165 | Well, not anything. |
| 166 | Yeah. Anything. |
| 167 | Oh, this could take a while. |
| 168 | Get out of my line. Okay. |
| 169 | Hey. Hey, Pheebs. |
| 170 | Ooh, not anymore. I changed it today. |
| 171 | Oh, I'm sorry, "Mrs. Hannigan." |
| 172 | Wrong again. |
| 173 | Apparently, you can change it to anything you want, |
| 174 | so I thought, all right, here's an opportunity |
| 175 | to be creative... |
| 176 | so, meet... Princess Consuela Bananahammock. |
| 177 | That's what we were going to name the baby. |
| 178 | Phoebe... |
| 179 | Uh, Princess Consuela. |
| 180 | You seriously changed your name to that? Uh-huh. |
| 181 | Okay, so from now on, we have to call you Princess Consuela? |
| 182 | Um, no, I-I'm going to have my friends call me Valerie. |
| 183 | Hey, how'd the interview go? |
| 184 | Oh... not good. |
| 185 | You know, I always feel that way after an interview. |
| 186 | I'll bet it went better than you think. |
| 187 | Well, I didn't get |
| 188 | the job at Gucci, and I got fired from Ralph Lauren. |
| 189 | That is a bad interview. |
| 190 | What are you...? Well, what are you talking about? |
| 191 | How'd this happen? Well, my boss |
| 192 | was at the same restaurant where I was having my interview, |
| 193 | and he heard everything, so later, |
| 194 | he calls me into his office and he tells me |
| 195 | that he's going to have to let me go |
| 196 | because I'm not a team player, |
| 197 | and I say, "Wait a minute. |
| 198 | No, yes, I am," |
| 199 | and then I had to sit there for 45 minutes |
| 200 | while he proved that that, in fact... was true. |
| 201 | Oh, God, I'm so sorry. |
| 202 | ( sighs ) |
| 203 | Hey. |
| 204 | What? Ooh, wh-what's this? |
| 205 | Why, it's... it's a bottle of champagne. |
| 206 | Well, why is this here? |
| 207 | Ross... |
| 208 | I guess it's here because... |
| 209 | I got tenure! |
| 210 | Wow. Congratulations. |
| 211 | This is the single greatest day of my professional career. |
| 212 | Gunther, six glasses! |
| 213 | Six? |
| 214 | You-you want me to join you? |
| 215 | Oh, I thought Joey was here. Five is good. |
| 216 | Wow, I'm going to have a loogie in my coffee tomorrow. |
| 217 | Ooh, Israeli champagne... |
| 218 | and it's vanilla. |
| 219 | I got tenure. I didn't win the lottery. |
| 220 | Hey, Rach, so, uh, how did your thing go? |
| 221 | Oh, it went good, yeah, but I'm not going to hear |
| 222 | about that for a couple of days. |
| 223 | Oh, you know what? You're going to get it. I-I-I-I can feel it. |
| 224 | Can you? |
| 225 | Well, everybody, here's to Ross. |
| 226 | And-and to years of hard work finally paying off. |
| 227 | And to knowing that your career doesn't mean everything. |
| 228 | But also knowing it means |
| 229 | a lot. |
| 230 | But more importantly, |
| 231 | to full, well-rounded lives. |
| 232 | That center around work. |
| 233 | To Ross! To Ross! |
| 234 | You know what the best part about this is? |
| 235 | I can never be fired. |
| 236 | Oh, God... No, seriously. |
| 237 | I have job security for life. |
| 238 | You know, I mean, I never have to worry. |
| 239 | Oh, oh, look at you. |
| 240 | Look how happy you are for me. |
| 241 | ( sniffles ): No, it's not that. |
| 242 | I got fired today... |
| 243 | and I didn't get the other job. |
| 244 | Oh, my God. |
| 245 | Rach, I'm so sorry. |
| 246 | Oh... |
| 247 | Great. I feel like an idiot. |
| 248 | No, it's okay. You didn't know. Oh... |
| 249 | A little heads-up would've been nice. |
| 250 | Thank you for letting us see the house again. |
| 251 | And thank you for explaining to us what escrow means. |
| 252 | I've already forgotten what you said, but thank you. |
| 253 | Take as long as you want. |
| 254 | Just let me know when you're through. |
| 255 | Oh, I'm so glad you decided to come. |
| 256 | Me, too. |
| 257 | Yeah, this place is great. |
| 258 | I'm so happy for you guys. |
| 259 | Although, you know, I hope you like fungus. |
| 260 | What? |
| 261 | Fungus. |
| 262 | Yeah, the place is full of it. |
| 263 | No, it's not. |
| 264 | We had an inspection |
| 265 | and they didn't find anything. |
| 266 | Okay, then I guess I have dry eyes |
| 267 | and a scratchy throat for no reason. |
| 268 | Maybe it's because you hung your head |
| 269 | out of the window like a dog the whole ride here. |
| 270 | Maybe. |
| 271 | So this is the, uh, living room, huh? |
| 272 | Ooh, it's pretty dark. |
| 273 | No, it's not. |
| 274 | Are you kidding? |
| 275 | I think I just saw a bat in the corner. |
| 276 | When your head was hanging out the window, |
| 277 | it didn't hit a mailbox, did it? |
| 278 | Maybe. |
| 279 | I just think you guys |
| 280 | could do better than this house, you know? |
| 281 | Or any other house, for that matter. |
| 282 | Oh, Joey, look. |
| 283 | We know you're having a hard time with this, |
| 284 | but we really, we love it here. |
| 285 | Fine, okay, if you love this house so much, |
| 286 | then you should just live here, okay? |
| 287 | I just hope you get used to that weird humming sound. |
| 288 | ( humming ) |
| 289 | Joey, we know that's you. |
| 290 | Nope... it's not. |
| 291 | ( humming ) |
| 292 | Hey. Hey. |
| 293 | Welcome back. |
| 294 | Oh, I missed you. |
| 295 | Oh, me, too. |
| 296 | So what's new? |
| 297 | Well, I'm no longer Phoebe Buffay. |
| 298 | That's great. You changed your name? |
| 299 | Yes, I did. |
| 300 | Meet Princess Consuela Bananahammock. |
| 301 | You're kidding, right? |
| 302 | Nope. |
| 303 | You really did that? |
| 304 | Yup. |
| 305 | You can't do that. |
| 306 | Why? Why? |
| 307 | It's fun, it's different |
| 308 | and no one else has a name like it. |
| 309 | All right, then I'm going to change my name. |
| 310 | Great, okay. |
| 311 | What are you going to change it to? |
| 312 | Crap Bag. |
| 313 | Mike Crapbag? |
| 314 | No. No Mike. No, just Crap Bag. |
| 315 | First name Crap. Last name Bag. |
| 316 | You're not serious, right? |
| 317 | Yeah, I'm serious. |
| 318 | It's fun, it's different, |
| 319 | and no one else has a name like that. |
| 320 | Well, then great! |
| 321 | If you love it, I love it. |
| 322 | I do love it. |
| 323 | And I love your name. |
| 324 | I love Princess Consuela. |
| 325 | And I love Crap. |
| 326 | ( groans ) |
| 327 | Who are you? |
| 328 | Oh, hi. I'm Joey. |
| 329 | My stupid friends are buying this house. |
| 330 | Who are you? |
| 331 | I'm MacKenzie. |
| 332 | My stupid parents are selling this house. |
| 333 | Oh... |
| 334 | I hate my parents. |
| 335 | I hate my friends. |
| 336 | All right, look. |
| 337 | There's got to be a way |
| 338 | that we can stop this from happening. |
| 339 | Like what? |
| 340 | Uh... |
| 341 | Ooh! Okay. |
| 342 | You come with me and you tell them |
| 343 | that the house is haunted. |
| 344 | What are you, eight? |
| 345 | Oh, ooh, okay. Let's hear your great idea. |
| 346 | I don't have any great ideas. |
| 347 | I am eight. |
| 348 | ( grumbles ) |
| 349 | There's got to be a way. |
| 350 | I mean, if Monica and Chandler move out here, |
| 351 | and now Phoebe's married to Mike, |
| 352 | that just leaves me and Ross and Rach. |
| 353 | You know what I mean? |
| 354 | I really don't. |
| 355 | What am I going to do? |
| 356 | I feel like I'm losing my friends. |
| 357 | My parents say I'm going to make new friends. |
| 358 | Oh, yeah, sure. |
| 359 | Easy for you. You're young. |
| 360 | Me, I'm set in my ways. |
| 361 | This is what my mom was talking about. |
| 362 | Whiners are wieners. |
| 363 | Look, you want your friends to be happy, right? |
| 364 | Yeah, yeah, I guess. Yeah. |
| 365 | Well, if moving here is going to make them happy, |
| 366 | don't you want them to do it? |
| 367 | Yeah. Maybe. |
| 368 | Then you got to let them go. |
| 369 | ( grumbles ) |
| 370 | I hate to admit it, but you're... |
| 371 | you're probably right. |
| 372 | How'd you get to be so smart? |
| 373 | I read a lot. |
| 374 | Just when I thought we could be friends. |
| 375 | Oh, hey, Rach. I just heard. |
| 376 | I'm so sorry. |
| 377 | Oh, thank you... |
| 378 | You still don't know my name, do you? |
| 379 | Well, now I don't have to. |
| 380 | Ross, what is taking you so long? |
| 381 | I'm sorry. |
| 382 | It's almost as if |
| 383 | this wasn't built for a quick getaway. |
| 384 | Rachel? |
| 385 | Mark? |
| 386 | Oh, my God. |
| 387 | How have you been? |
| 388 | Fantastic. |
| 389 | You remember Ross. |
| 390 | Sure, sure. |
| 391 | What's with the chair? |
| 392 | Uh, you know, you can't always get |
| 393 | a seat on the subway, so... |
| 394 | Clever. |
| 395 | So, how are you? |
| 396 | Well, you're not catching me on my best day. |
| 397 | Yeah, a box full of your desk stuff |
| 398 | doesn't exactly say "big promotion." |
| 399 | No, but it's good. |
| 400 | You know, I'm going to take some time off |
| 401 | and... some charity work. |
| 402 | Are you sure, because we may have something |
| 403 | at Louis Vuitton. |
| 404 | Well, screw charity work. What do you got? |
| 405 | Why don't we have dinner tonight and talk about it? |
| 406 | Great. |
| 407 | I'll call you. |
| 408 | Okay. Nice to see you again. |
| 409 | Yeah, yeah. I got tenure. |
| 410 | Oh, my God! |
| 411 | See, I told you |
| 412 | something good would come along. |
| 413 | And he seemed really nice. |
| 414 | I've met him before? |
| 415 | Ross, that's Mark. |
| 416 | From Bloomingdale's? |
| 417 | You were insanely jealous of him. |
| 418 | That is Mark?! Yes. |
| 419 | I hate that guy! |
| 420 | No, no, no, no. |
| 421 | You cannot go to dinner with him. |
| 422 | What? You don't want me to get a job? |
| 423 | Oh, yeah, I'm sure he's going to give you a job. |
| 424 | Maybe make you his sex-retary. |
| 425 | I'm serious. |
| 426 | I just don't trust that guy, okay? |
| 427 | Ross, you know what? |
| 428 | Okay, let's talk about it later. |
| 429 | There comes security. |
| 430 | Oh, I love this street. |
| 431 | The trees and the big front yards, |
| 432 | and the actual picket fences. |
| 433 | Man, those two dogs are going at it. |
| 434 | Hey. |
| 435 | Hey, where you been? |
| 436 | Oh, just, uh, you know, looking around. |
| 437 | But you know what? |
| 438 | This house is great. |
| 439 | Really? What changed your mind? |
| 440 | Oh, well, the little girl |
| 441 | who lives here made me feel a lot better |
| 442 | about the whole thing. |
| 443 | Joey, there was a little girl who lived here, |
| 444 | but she died, like, 30 years ago. |
| 445 | What? |
| 446 | Ha! I'm just messing with you. |
| 447 | That's not funny. |
| 448 | You know I'm afraid of little girl ghosts. |
| 449 | Joey, now that you're okay with the house, |
| 450 | do you want to go see your room? |
| 451 | What? |
| 452 | I get my own room? |
| 453 | You don't think we'd buy a house |
| 454 | and not have a Joey room, do you? |
| 455 | Oh, my God. |
| 456 | CHANDLER: Hey. |
| 457 | Oh, oh. |
| 458 | Hey, can I have an aquarium? |
| 459 | And a sex swing? |
| 460 | No. No. |
| 461 | Why not? |
| 462 | I'll keep the tank clean. |
| 463 | After you, Ms. Bananahammock. |
| 464 | Thank you, Mr. Bag. |
| 465 | Hmm. |
| 466 | Oh, hey. |
| 467 | Oh, hi, Rita! How are you? |
| 468 | Good. |
| 469 | Oh, Rita's a massage client. |
| 470 | Yeah. Oh. |
| 471 | Why don't you introduce me? |
| 472 | Uh, Rita, this is my husband. |
| 473 | Oh. |
| 474 | Yeah. Why don't you tell her my name? |
| 475 | ( laughs ) |
| 476 | Okay, I will. |
| 477 | This is, um... |
| 478 | This is my husband, um, |
| 479 | Crap Bag. |
| 480 | Crap Bag? |
| 481 | If you need an easy way to remember it, |
| 482 | just think of a bag of crap. |
| 483 | Okay. |
| 484 | Excuse me. |
| 485 | Yeah. |
| 486 | Oh. Okay, fine. |
| 487 | You made your point. |
| 488 | Can you please just be Mike Hannigan again? |
| 489 | Only if you'll be Phoebe Buffay. |
| 490 | How about, um...? |
| 491 | How about Buffay-Hannigan? |
| 492 | Really? |
| 493 | Yeah. |
| 494 | I'm Phoebe Buffay-Hannigan Bananahammock. |
| 495 | Do you even know what a bananahammock is? |
| 496 | It's a funny word? |
| 497 | It's a Speedo. |
| 498 | Oh, crap. |
| 499 | Hey, is Rachel here? |
| 500 | MONICA: Hey. No. |
| 501 | She's still at dinner? |
| 502 | I guess. |
| 503 | Why, who's she with? |
| 504 | That guy Mark. |
| 505 | From Bloomingdale's? |
| 506 | She thinks he's just being nice to her. |
| 507 | But I know he really wants to sleep with her. |
| 508 | It's seven years ago. |
| 509 | My time machine works! |
| 510 | We ran into him on the street today, |
| 511 | and he said he might have a job for her, |
| 512 | but I know he just wants to get into her pants. |
| 513 | So what if he wants to sleep with her? |
| 514 | I mean, |
| 515 | she's single, and he's cute. |
| 516 | Excuse me? |
| 517 | Oh, please. |
| 518 | Yesterday on the subway, you couldn't stop staring |
| 519 | at that woman with the big breasts |
| 520 | the whole time. |
| 521 | For your information, |
| 522 | I was staring at her baby. |
| 523 | We're about to be parents. |
| 524 | Oh. Sorry. |
| 525 | Hi, you guys. |
| 526 | Hi. So, uh... Hi. |
| 527 | how was dinner? |
| 528 | Oh, it was great. |
| 529 | Mark is so sweet. |
| 530 | Oh, yeah? |
| 531 | Yeah. I wonder why. |
| 532 | What could that smarmy letch possibly want? |
| 533 | Oh, Ross. |
| 534 | Come on. |
| 535 | He is happily married. |
| 536 | His wife just had twins. |
| 537 | Should we send something? |
| 538 | How did the job stuff go? |
| 539 | He offered me one. |
| 540 | That's great. Oh, my God! |
| 541 | Congratulations. |
| 542 | I know. It's amazing. |
| 543 | It's amazing. |
| 544 | It's so much better than what I had at Ralph Lauren. |
| 545 | The money is great. |
| 546 | Can we... Can we just stop for a second? |
| 547 | Who said something better would come along, huh? |
| 548 | You didn't believe me. |
| 549 | I told you everything was going to work out. |
| 550 | ( gasps ) |
| 551 | You know what? |
| 552 | This calls for a bottle of Israel's finest! |
| 553 | The job is in Paris. |
| 554 | Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org |
| 555 | I mean, the soap opera's a great gig, |
| 556 | but am I missing opportunities? |
| 557 | You know, I've always thought of myself as a serious actor. |
| 558 | I mean, should I be trying to do more independent movies? |
| 559 | I don't know. |
| 560 | But you know what? |
| 561 | I'm going to put you on with my bear. |
| 562 | Hold on. |
| 563 | Hey, bear, I need some career advice. |
| 564 | |
| 1 | Previously, on Friends... |
| 2 | How did the job stuff go? |
| 3 | He offered me one. |
| 4 | You know what? This calls for a bottle of Israel's finest. |
| 5 | The job is in Paris. |
| 6 | Oh God, please, somebody say something. |
| 7 | So, if you take this job, you'll be... |
| 8 | you'll be moving to Paris? |
| 9 | Or facing a bitch of a commute. |
| 10 | I know, I know... |
| 11 | It's huge, and it's scary |
| 12 | and it's really far, far away from you guys. |
| 13 | But this is such an incredible opportunity for me. |
| 14 | And I've already talked to them |
| 15 | about our situation with Emma. |
| 16 | And they said they'll do |
| 17 | whatever we need to make us feel comfortable. |
| 18 | Okay. |
| 19 | I mean, I'll fly back and forth. |
| 20 | They'll fly you out, anything we want. |
| 21 | My boss said I might be getting a new lamp in my cubicle. |
| 22 | All right. |
| 23 | We'll work it out. |
| 24 | Oh, thank you! |
| 25 | Thank you! |
| 26 | Yeah. |
| 27 | Oh! |
| 28 | You sure this is what you want? |
| 29 | I think it is. |
| 30 | ( chuckles ) |
| 31 | Ooh, what's going on? |
| 32 | I got a really incredible job offer. |
| 33 | Hey, great! Good for you! |
| 34 | All right! |
| 35 | It's in Paris. |
| 36 | What?! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! |
| 37 | Too much is changing, okay? |
| 38 | First Phoebe getting married! |
| 39 | Congratulations. |
| 40 | And then... and then these two |
| 41 | moving to a stupid house in the stupid suburbs! |
| 42 | Hey! This afternoon, you said you'd be supportive. |
| 43 | Well, it comes and goes! I wouldn't trust it! |
| 44 | Well, you guys, this is really, really important to me, |
| 45 | and it means a lot if you can try to get on board. |
| 46 | Of course we can. Congratulations. |
| 47 | Thank you. Yay! |
| 48 | Oh! |
| 49 | Joey? |
| 50 | No, no, no! No, no. |
| 51 | My hugs are reserved for people staying in America! |
| 52 | Joey, it would mean... |
| 53 | Hey, no, hey, get your France-going arms away from me! |
| 54 | Are you okay with this? |
| 55 | Well, it makes me feel sad, but... |
| 56 | Talking to Ross. I see. |
| 57 | Well, Rachel moving to another country? |
| 58 | Not being able to see her every day? |
| 59 | How could I be okay with this? |
| 60 | I know, but what are we gonna do? |
| 61 | She really needs this job. |
| 62 | Do you think if, uh... if the Ralph Lauren people |
| 63 | offered her her old job back, she would take it? |
| 64 | Well, how is that going to happen? |
| 65 | Is this the best way to use one of your three magic wishes? |
| 66 | Like, I don't know. I could talk to her boss. |
| 67 | Yeah! |
| 68 | I met him at that Christmas party. |
| 69 | I mean, we really hit it off. |
| 70 | You mean, the guy who kept calling you "Ron"? |
| 71 | I didn't say we were brothers! |
| 72 | ♪ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ♪ |
| 73 | ♪ Your job's a joke, you're broke ♪ |
| 74 | ♪ Your love life's D.O.A. ♪ |
| 75 | ♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪ |
| 76 | ♪ When it hasn't been your day, your week ♪ |
| 77 | ♪ Your month, or even your year ♪ |
| 78 | ♪ But I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 79 | ♪ 'Cause you're there for me, too. ♪ |
| 80 | Hey, Phoebe? Hi! |
| 81 | Hey, um, tell me what you think. |
| 82 | All right, the house next door to the one |
| 83 | that we're buying in Westchester just went on the market. |
| 84 | Now, I want to take a look at it, but Chandler doesn't. |
| 85 | We close escrow tomorrow, so seeing another house can only confuse us. |
| 86 | And we're easily confused. We're not very bright. |
| 87 | But what if it's better than ours? |
| 88 | Shouldn't we at least look? |
| 89 | What do you think, Pheebs? |
| 90 | Well, I think that shirt makes you look |
| 91 | like you should work at a Baskin-Robbins. |
| 92 | Anyway... |
| 93 | Hey, isn't Joey's agent Estelle Leonard? |
| 94 | Yeah. |
| 95 | She died. |
| 96 | You're kidding. |
| 97 | That's terrible. |
| 98 | Yeah, last Saturday. |
| 99 | Wow! She was the first black man to fly solo across the Atlantic! |
| 100 | Oh, wait a minute. I read the wrong one. |
| 101 | Oh, yeah? |
| 102 | Yeah, she was just an agent. |
| 103 | Joey's going to be so upset. |
| 104 | I know. He always wanted to be the first black man to cross the Atlantic. |
| 105 | Well, we cannot tell Joey about this. |
| 106 | He's already flipping out about everything that's changing. |
| 107 | This'll push him over the edge. |
| 108 | Seriously, you don't think we should tell him? |
| 109 | Well, not for a little while. |
| 110 | Let's just give him a few days to get used to everything else. |
| 111 | Well, what if he reads it in the paper? |
| 112 | Unless Snoopy says it to Charlie Brown, I think we're okay. |
| 113 | May I help you? |
| 114 | Yeah. I'm a friend of Rachel Green's. |
| 115 | Um, actually, we-we met at the Christmas party |
| 116 | about two years ago. |
| 117 | Oh, right. Uh, Don? |
| 118 | Close. Ron. |
| 119 | Well, uh... what can I do for you? |
| 120 | Um, well, I'm here to see |
| 121 | if-if, uh, you'll give Rachel her job back. |
| 122 | Ah, did she ask you to come here and do this? |
| 123 | Oh, no. First, I have to get you to agree. |
| 124 | Then we'll see if she wants to come back. |
| 125 | Wow. That is tempting. |
| 126 | Look, she loved her job here. |
| 127 | And let's face it, you're not going to find anyone |
| 128 | who did it as well as she did. |
| 129 | Isn't that true? |
| 130 | She is good. |
| 131 | Huh. I took a shot there. |
| 132 | But I'm sorry, there's nothing I can do. |
| 133 | Well, that's not true. There's nothing I want to do. |
| 134 | I see. |
| 135 | Thanks very much. |
| 136 | Mm-hmm. |
| 137 | Is this your son? |
| 138 | Yeah. His name is Ross. |
| 139 | What? |
| 140 | Uh, nothing. It's just... it's, uh... |
| 141 | it's close to "Ron". |
| 142 | Does he, um... |
| 143 | does little Ross like dinosaurs, by any chance? |
| 144 | Yeah, they're all he talks about. Why? |
| 145 | How would he like to come with me |
| 146 | to the Museum of Natural History, |
| 147 | after everyone else has left-- just the two of us-- |
| 148 | and he can touch anything he wants? |
| 149 | I just heard it how you must have heard it, |
| 150 | and that's not good. |
| 151 | Um, let me start again. |
| 152 | I'm a paleontologist. |
| 153 | Uh, you'll be there with us. |
| 154 | And the touching refers only to bones-- fossils! |
| 155 | You could really arrange that? |
| 156 | You let Rachel come back, and it's done. |
| 157 | Well... |
| 158 | I guess having Rachel back |
| 159 | wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. |
| 160 | Yes! Oh, thank you! |
| 161 | This is great. Thank you so much. |
| 162 | And I swear, your kid's going to have the time of his life. |
| 163 | That's great. I worry about little Ross. |
| 164 | He's always reading, he's collecting rocks, |
| 165 | and he's obsessed with dinosaurs. |
| 166 | He'll be fine! |
| 167 | Hey, Pheebs. |
| 168 | Hey. |
| 169 | Everything okay? |
| 170 | I'm just mad at my agent. |
| 171 | Estelle? Why? |
| 172 | Well, there's a part in this TV movie |
| 173 | that I would be perfect for, |
| 174 | and I didn't even get put up for it. |
| 175 | She better have a good reason. |
| 176 | I'm guessing she does. |
| 177 | Yeah, well... I wanna hear it, because she keeps doing this. |
| 178 | Well, no, wait, wait, wait! |
| 179 | I... all right, I-I got to go. |
| 180 | Just listen. Promise me |
| 181 | that you will wait a minute before you call her. |
| 182 | Oh, okay. Why? |
| 183 | Because a promise between friends |
| 184 | means never having to give a reason. |
| 185 | I love that saying! |
| 186 | ( muttering ) |
| 187 | ( cell phone rings ) |
| 188 | Hello? |
| 189 | ( in gruff voice ): Joey, it's Estelle. |
| 190 | I was just gonna call you. |
| 191 | That's weird. |
| 192 | It's a little coincidental, but believable. |
| 193 | Listen, I'm sure you're wondering |
| 194 | why I didn't get you an audition for that TV movie. |
| 195 | Yeah, actually, I am. |
| 196 | I guess I dropped the ball there. |
| 197 | Whoopsy! |
| 198 | That's it?! |
| 199 | You know, it seems like all you do lately is drop the ball. |
| 200 | Don't take that tone with me. |
| 201 | Who do you think you are? |
| 202 | Alan Lemon, the first black man to fly solo across the Atlantic? |
| 203 | No-No. Look, all I'm saying is, you're my agent, okay? |
| 204 | And you're not getting me into any auditions, |
| 205 | and I'm tired of it! |
| 206 | What are you saying? |
| 207 | I'm saying that... |
| 208 | this isn't working for me anymore. |
| 209 | Okay, Estelle? You're fired. Good-bye. |
| 210 | Man! Tough week for Estelle. |
| 211 | Hi. |
| 212 | Hi. |
| 213 | Emma left her stuffed T-rex at my house. |
| 214 | You know she can't sleep without it. |
| 215 | Ah, well, she's asleep now. |
| 216 | Stop forcing that thing on her. |
| 217 | Okay. |
| 218 | Oh! You're not gonna believe |
| 219 | what happened to me today! |
| 220 | Ralph Lauren called and gave me my job back. |
| 221 | No! |
| 222 | Yeah! |
| 223 | I mean, it was the weirdest thing. |
| 224 | They fire me, and then out of nowhere, |
| 225 | they just hire me back. |
| 226 | I mean, that place must just be falling apart without me. |
| 227 | So, you're not going to Paris? |
| 228 | No, I'm still going! |
| 229 | What?! |
| 230 | Ooh! |
| 231 | ( chuckling ) |
| 232 | What?! |
| 233 | Well, when the Louis Vuitton people found out |
| 234 | that Ralph Lauren wanted me back, |
| 235 | they offered me more money. |
| 236 | Isn't that great?! |
| 237 | Yay! |
| 238 | Whoo! |
| 239 | ( knocking at door ) |
| 240 | Hi. We're buying the house next door, |
| 241 | and we were wondering if we could just take a look around. |
| 242 | Oh, sure! I'm showing it to someone else right now, but please, look around. |
| 243 | Thanks. |
| 244 | I feel like we're cheating on our house. |
| 245 | And if we're gonna cheat, shouldn't it be with, like, |
| 246 | a hot, younger house that does stuff that our house won't do? |
| 247 | Wow! |
| 248 | Ours is so much better. |
| 249 | This living room is smaller. |
| 250 | The dining room looks like a cave. |
| 251 | What a hole! |
| 252 | So... what do you think? |
| 253 | Love it! Yeah. |
| 254 | Well, we already have one offer on it, |
| 255 | and I think the lady upstairs is going to make another one. |
| 256 | They could be our neighbors. What are they like? |
| 257 | Oh, the woman upstairs is very nice. |
| 258 | She and her husband have two kids. |
| 259 | Uh he's on Wall Street, and she's... |
| 260 | Oh... my... God! |
| 261 | Sure. |
| 262 | ( knocking on door ) |
| 263 | Hey, Joey, you want to come with me to... |
| 264 | Are you okay? |
| 265 | Yeah, I just... |
| 266 | I just feel bad about firing Estelle. |
| 267 | This has got to be killing her. |
| 268 | ( clears throat ) |
| 269 | No. That wouldn't kill her. |
| 270 | A coronary embolism might. |
| 271 | I don't know. She's got to be taking it hard. |
| 272 | I was, like, her only client. |
| 273 | Mm-hmm. |
| 274 | Except for this guy who eats paper. |
| 275 | And I'm guessing he eats more money than he makes. |
| 276 | Look, I know she's not a great agent, |
| 277 | but she did stick with me for ten years. |
| 278 | I'm gonna call her and hire her again. |
| 279 | No, no, no! |
| 280 | Don't-Don't call her. |
| 281 | You wait for her to call you. |
| 282 | Why? |
| 283 | Because patience is the road to understanding... |
| 284 | which is the key to a happy heart. |
| 285 | You blow me away. |
| 286 | All, right, so promise you're going to wait |
| 287 | for her to call you? |
| 288 | I promise. Okay. |
| 289 | And that means... never having to give a reason. |
| 290 | What a small world. |
| 291 | And yet I never run into Beyonce. |
| 292 | You two know each other? |
| 293 | Oh, we go way back. |
| 294 | Before Monica made an honest man out of him, |
| 295 | Chandler used to be my little love muffin. |
| 296 | ( braying laughter ) |
| 297 | So, are you guys thinking of getting this house, too? |
| 298 | Ooh, are we going to have a bidding war? |
| 299 | I better warn you, I'm a toughie. |
| 300 | ( braying laughter) Don't... Don't... |
| 301 | Don't! |
| 302 | No, actually, we're buying the house next door. |
| 303 | ( delighted gasp ) |
| 304 | Why? |
| 305 | I don't know why. |
| 306 | Ooh, that decides it then. |
| 307 | I was on the fence, |
| 308 | but knowing that you two would be our neighbors... |
| 309 | ( shrieks )... now we have to get it! |
| 310 | Ellen, |
| 311 | we're going to talk numbers. |
| 312 | ( braying chuckle ) |
| 313 | This cannot be happening. |
| 314 | Okay, the Realtor said |
| 315 | another couple made an offer. |
| 316 | Maybe the Janices won't get it. |
| 317 | Maybe the other couple will. |
| 318 | The only way that that is going to happen is |
| 319 | if the other couple are the Hitlers. |
| 320 | Okay, okay. |
| 321 | All right, what if we get both houses? |
| 322 | Huh? We can turn this house into a guest house. |
| 323 | That's a great idea. |
| 324 | And, by the way, and I don't mean to be distasteful, |
| 325 | but when did you start crapping money? |
| 326 | Okay, you come up with an idea. |
| 327 | All right, all right, all right. |
| 328 | We've still got three hours |
| 329 | until escrow closes on our house. |
| 330 | We can still get out. |
| 331 | But we love our house. |
| 332 | Will we love it so much with her next door? |
| 333 | And she's going to be louder out here, too. |
| 334 | Just the crickets and "Oh... my... God!" |
| 335 | Okay. But if we don't get this house, |
| 336 | she's still going to show up wherever we go. |
| 337 | I mean, at least if she's here, |
| 338 | it eliminates the element of surprise. |
| 339 | I mean, never again will you have to hear the three words |
| 340 | that make your balls jump back up inside your body. |
| 341 | Well, we have to do something. |
| 342 | We can't have her living next door. |
| 343 | ( braying laughter ) |
| 344 | Ah, that does it, too. |
| 345 | ( knocking on door ) |
| 346 | Who is it? |
| 347 | It's me... Ron. |
| 348 | ( sighs ) |
| 349 | Look, I, uh, I know Rachel turned you down, |
| 350 | but I think there's a way |
| 351 | you might be able to get her to come back. |
| 352 | This may surprise you, |
| 353 | but rehiring fired employees is not my main job. |
| 354 | Well... |
| 355 | Just hear me out. |
| 356 | How would you feel about offering her a raise? |
| 357 | Not good, Ron. |
| 358 | Perhaps I can persuade you. |
| 359 | What if you could give your son this... |
| 360 | genuine pterodactyl egg replica? |
| 361 | Wow. That's, uh, that's pretty cool. |
| 362 | Yeah? So... do we have a deal? |
| 363 | Okay, you got it. |
| 364 | Yes! Yes. |
| 365 | This is going to make me very popular. |
| 366 | Oh... ( chuckles ) |
| 367 | Believe me, the ladies, they love it. |
| 368 | I meant with my son. |
| 369 | Good, 'cause the ladies, not so much. |
| 370 | MAN ( on machine ): Joey, this is Al Zeebooker, |
| 371 | the guy who eats paper. |
| 372 | I'm sure you've heard that Estelle passed away. |
| 373 | I wanted to let you know there's a memorial for her, |
| 374 | at the Westside Chapel, tomorrow at 10:00. |
| 375 | Hope you can make it. |
| 376 | Oh, my God. |
| 377 | ( phone rings ) |
| 378 | ( beeps ) |
| 379 | Hello. |
| 380 | ( Estelle's voice ): Joey, it's Estelle. |
| 381 | Estelle? |
| 382 | Yeah. |
| 383 | I wanted to call and tell you |
| 384 | that there's no hard feelings for firing me. |
| 385 | Okay. |
| 386 | I just, I can't believe you're calling me. |
| 387 | Well, I didn't think I should just drop by. |
| 388 | No, no! Don't drop by! Don't drop by! |
| 389 | Don't, don't, no, no... |
| 390 | Anyway, |
| 391 | you did what you had to do. |
| 392 | I'm okay. |
| 393 | Uh, c-can I ask you something? |
| 394 | Um... |
| 395 | What's it like there? |
| 396 | It's all right. |
| 397 | Look, kiddo, |
| 398 | I got to go. Good luck with the career. |
| 399 | You're gonna be huge. |
| 400 | Thanks for everything, Estelle. |
| 401 | Bye. |
| 402 | ( beeps ) |
| 403 | "Out of area." |
| 404 | Boy, I'll say! |
| 405 | Well... I just talked to Sid. |
| 406 | We are definitely putting in an offer on the house. |
| 407 | And I'll bet we get it! |
| 408 | The Hitlers will be so disappointed. |
| 409 | All right, I-I got to run. |
| 410 | Tell Monica I say good-bye. |
| 411 | And... I'll see you later. |
| 412 | Neighbor... ( braying laughter ) |
| 413 | Wait! |
| 414 | I just want you to know that... |
| 415 | I'm so happy you're going to be here. |
| 416 | Oh! Me too! |
| 417 | ( laughs ) |
| 418 | Because! |
| 419 | That way... we can pick up where we left off. |
| 420 | Huh? |
| 421 | I never stopped loving you. |
| 422 | Oh... my... |
| 423 | Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. |
| 424 | I want you... I need you. |
| 425 | I must have you, Janice Litman-Goralnik nee Hosenstein. |
| 426 | Chandler, what are you talking about? |
| 427 | Now that you live next door, we can be together every day. |
| 428 | Sid and Monica never have to know a thing. |
| 429 | I don't know what to say. |
| 430 | I mean, you know, obviously... |
| 431 | we have this... heat between us. |
| 432 | Obviously. |
| 433 | But I love my husband. |
| 434 | And I know you love your wife. |
| 435 | I-I don't think we should get this house now |
| 436 | Don't say that. Don't dangle the dream, then take it away. |
| 437 | Chandler, |
| 438 | one of us has got to be strong. |
| 439 | I understand. |
| 440 | Although... |
| 441 | maybe just... one last moment of weakness. |
| 442 | ( grunts ) |
| 443 | ( sighs ) |
| 444 | Good-bye, Chandler Bing. |
| 445 | ( strained ): They're never coming down now. |
| 446 | ( knocking ) Hi. |
| 447 | Hi. |
| 448 | You are never going to believe |
| 449 | what happened to me today. |
| 450 | What? |
| 451 | Ralph Lauren called, |
| 452 | again, and they offered me more money. |
| 453 | They did?! |
| 454 | Yes. |
| 455 | It was the weirdest thing. |
| 456 | Zelner called me and he said, |
| 457 | "We will do anything we can to get you back," |
| 458 | and that I should thank some Ron. |
| 459 | I don't even know what department that guy's in. |
| 460 | ( stammers ) |
| 461 | So, what are you, what are you going to do? |
| 462 | Well, I took it. |
| 463 | That's great. So you're staying in New York. |
| 464 | ( both cheering ) |
| 465 | Yay... uh... |
| 466 | You're-You're excited, right? |
| 467 | Yeah... Yeah. |
| 468 | The money's great. |
| 469 | It's certainly the easier choice. |
| 470 | Right. |
| 471 | But you know, was I looking forward to going to Paris? Sure. |
| 472 | You know, was I excited about working |
| 473 | in the fashion capital of the world? |
| 474 | Oh, absolutely! |
| 475 | ( sighs ) |
| 476 | Yeah, but, you know, this is... it's fine. |
| 477 | I'm fine going back to a job where I've pretty much gotten |
| 478 | everything out of it that I possibly can. |
| 479 | ( sighs ) |
| 480 | Um... I had no... |
| 481 | I had no idea you were, you were so excited about Paris. |
| 482 | Um, I mean, you said you were scared. |
| 483 | Well, yeah, I mean, it was good-scared, though, you know. |
| 484 | Like when I-moved-to-New-York scared. |
| 485 | Or, uh, when I-found-out- I-was-going-to-have-Emma scared. |
| 486 | But this is... fine. |
| 487 | This is going to be good. |
| 488 | You should go. |
| 489 | What? |
| 490 | It's what you want; you should go. |
| 491 | Do you really think so? |
| 492 | I really do. |
| 493 | But I already told Zelner that I would come back. |
| 494 | I'm sure he'll understand. |
| 495 | All right. |
| 496 | All right. I'm going to do it. |
| 497 | I'm going to go to Paris. |
| 498 | Yeah. |
| 499 | Yeah! |
| 500 | I'm going to Paris! |
| 501 | Thank you, Ross. |
| 502 | Yeah, yeah. |
| 503 | Aw. |
| 504 | Oh, I'm so happy. |
| 505 | ( sighs ) |
| 506 | Then I'm happy, too. |
| 507 | Aw. |
| 508 | Thank you all for coming. |
| 509 | We're here today to pay our respects to a wonderful agent |
| 510 | and a beautiful woman. |
| 511 | Inside. |
| 512 | As Estelle's only two clients, |
| 513 | we would like to say a few words. |
| 514 | Dude, where's my speech? |
| 515 | ( gulps ) |
| 516 | That is entertaining. |
| 517 | Al Zeebooker, everybody! |
| 518 | ( scattered applause ) |
| 519 | Yeah. |
| 520 | Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org |
| 521 | |
| 1 | All right, all right, all right. |
| 2 | Let's play one more time, okay? |
| 3 | And remember, if I win, |
| 4 | you do not move to Paris. |
| 5 | Okay. Can't believe I'm risking this again, |
| 6 | but you're on. |
| 7 | All right, Joe, you remember the rules-- |
| 8 | heads I win, tails you lose. |
| 9 | Just flip. |
| 10 | Uh! Tails! |
| 11 | Damn it! |
| 12 | Hey! |
| 13 | So we thought we'd throw you a little going-away party |
| 14 | around 7:00. |
| 15 | Oh, that sounds good. |
| 16 | Hey, Rache, you're leaving tomorrow. |
| 17 | Shouldn't you be packing? |
| 18 | It's all done. |
| 19 | Oh, yeah, right. |
| 20 | And after I took a shower this morning, |
| 21 | I just threw my towel on the floor. |
| 22 | Oh, God, it hurts to even joke about it. |
| 23 | I know. |
| 24 | Honey, seriously, I did it all. |
| 25 | The luggage that I'm taking is in the bedroom. |
| 26 | This is Emma's Paris stuff. |
| 27 | These are the boxes that I'm having shipped, |
| 28 | and that's the sandwich that I made for the plane. |
| 29 | Okay, so you've done good work. |
| 30 | Yeah. |
| 31 | What about your carry-ons? |
| 32 | Oh, well, everything that I need is in here, |
| 33 | and my travel documents are on the counter, |
| 34 | organized in the order that I will be needing them. |
| 35 | Oh, my God. |
| 36 | I have nothing left to teach you. |
| 37 | Oh... |
| 38 | Where's your passport? It should be |
| 39 | right next to my plane ticket. |
| 40 | Well, it-it's not. |
| 41 | What? |
| 42 | Well, maybe I put it in here? |
| 43 | Oh. Oh, it's not in there. |
| 44 | Oh, no. I must have packed it in one of these boxes. |
| 45 | Here, let me help you. |
| 46 | Shoot. |
| 47 | RACHEL: I can't believe I did this. |
| 48 | Uh, at one point does it stop being funny |
| 49 | that I took the passport? |
| 50 | ♪ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ♪ |
| 51 | ♪ Your job's a joke, you're broke ♪ |
| 52 | ♪ Your love life's D.O.A. ♪ |
| 53 | ♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪ |
| 54 | ♪ When it hasn't been your day, your week ♪ |
| 55 | ♪ Your month, or even your year ♪ |
| 56 | ♪ But I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 57 | ♪ When the rain starts to pour ♪ |
| 58 | ♪ I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 59 | ♪ Like I've been there before ♪ |
| 60 | ♪ I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 61 | ♪ 'Cause you're there for me, too. ♪ |
| 62 | Oh, wow, can you believe |
| 63 | you're only three weeks away? |
| 64 | I know. |
| 65 | You don't mind me touching |
| 66 | your belly, do you? |
| 67 | No, I don't mind you touching my belly, |
| 68 | but right now your hand's kind of |
| 69 | blocking the part where the baby's gonna come out. |
| 70 | Hey. |
| 71 | Hi. |
| 72 | Hey, Erica, welcome back to town. |
| 73 | Wow, look how big you've gotten. |
| 74 | That's because I'm pregnant. |
| 75 | Right. |
| 76 | No, I-I understand. |
| 77 | Oh. Okay. I'm just always afraid |
| 78 | that people think I'm just fat with big breasts. |
| 79 | No, no. I knew. |
| 80 | Great. Well, stop staring at them. |
| 81 | Well, she brought them up. |
| 82 | I didn't realize you were coming back so soon. |
| 83 | Yeah, well, in a couple of weeks, |
| 84 | I won't be able to travel. |
| 85 | Yeah, and I wanted her to get to know the doctors |
| 86 | and get settled into the hotel. |
| 87 | Hotel? Why isn't she staying with you guys? |
| 88 | Well, because we're moving |
| 89 | in a couple of days and it just didn't make sense. |
| 90 | Plus, hotels are fun. |
| 91 | My room has this little fridge full of free snacks. |
| 92 | Erica, those things aren't free. |
| 93 | In fact, they have one of the highest markups |
| 94 | of any consumer product. |
| 95 | Ross, |
| 96 | she's giving us her baby. |
| 97 | She can eat you if she wants. |
| 98 | Be right back. |
| 99 | Oh, man, I can't believe you guys are leaving this place. |
| 100 | I know, I know. |
| 101 | Hey, you know you could take it if you want. |
| 102 | The lease is still in Nana's name. |
| 103 | No, no, this will always be your place. |
| 104 | It would be too sad. |
| 105 | Plus, how much a month does it cost to feed Joey? |
| 106 | Yeah, it takes two incomes. |
| 107 | Yeah. Hey, is, uh, Chandler here? |
| 108 | We talked about catching a movie. |
| 109 | Oh, no, he doesn't have time for that. |
| 110 | But if you want, you can go help |
| 111 | him and Joey pack up the guest room. |
| 112 | Hmm... packing... |
| 113 | sexy cheerleader comedy. |
| 114 | Hmm... helpful brother... creepy loner at teen movie. |
| 115 | ( gibbering ) |
| 116 | What are you guys doing? |
| 117 | Try it. I can't feel a thing. |
| 118 | Are-are you kidding? |
| 119 | This is packing? |
| 120 | We're taking a break. |
| 121 | From...? |
| 122 | Jumping on the bed. |
| 123 | All right. All right. |
| 124 | Rachel's party is in a couple of hours, and there's a lot to do. |
| 125 | Now, Ross, you've got Geller blood. |
| 126 | You're in charge of these ya-hoos. |
| 127 | You got it. All right. |
| 128 | All right, she's right, we gotta get serious. |
| 129 | Let's put Styrofoam peanuts down his pants and kick him. |
| 130 | No, no, no, guys, she's right. |
| 131 | We should get to work. |
| 132 | I'll take stuff out of the closet. |
| 133 | Joey, you pack them, and Ross, you repack whatever Joey packs. |
| 134 | You guys hear a ringing? |
| 135 | What the hell is this? |
| 136 | Hey, handcuffs. |
| 137 | And fur-lined. Nice. |
| 138 | I didn't know you guys had it in ya. |
| 139 | Chandler, you don't have a sister, so you can't understand |
| 140 | how much this bums me out. |
| 141 | I didn't know Monica had these. |
| 142 | Oh. Maybe she used them with another boyfriend. |
| 143 | Maybe Richard. Yeah. |
| 144 | Why would she use them with Richard and not me? |
| 145 | I can be kinky. |
| 146 | I once did a naked dance for her... with scarves. |
| 147 | Bumming hard, guys. Bumming hard. |
| 148 | ( knock at door ) |
| 149 | Hey. Hey. |
| 150 | Where's Mike? |
| 151 | Oh, he has a gig. |
| 152 | It's kind of like being married |
| 153 | to a rock star, you know. |
| 154 | "My husband has a gig." |
| 155 | Yeah? Where, where is it? |
| 156 | Oh, he's playing organ |
| 157 | for a children's roller-skating party. |
| 158 | Rock on. |
| 159 | Wow, this is quite a spread. |
| 160 | What is all this stuff? |
| 161 | Well, I thought this would be |
| 162 | a great opportunity to use up all the food |
| 163 | that I don't want to move to the new house with me. |
| 164 | So... enjoy. |
| 165 | Smoked oyster casserole |
| 166 | with a breakfast cereal crust. |
| 167 | Kidney beans in their own juices, |
| 168 | and for dessert, |
| 169 | a questionable orange. |
| 170 | Hey. Hey. |
| 171 | Hey, where's Rache? |
| 172 | Oh, she's, uh, she's putting Emma down. |
| 173 | She'll be over in a second. |
| 174 | Now, it just hit her that she's leaving |
| 175 | and she's kind of emotional, |
| 176 | so no one say anything to set her off, okay? |
| 177 | Yeah. |
| 178 | ALL: Hey. |
| 179 | Hey, Rach. |
| 180 | There she is. |
| 181 | ( gasps ) |
| 182 | Hi, you guys. |
| 183 | What did I just say? |
| 184 | Oh, no, no, no. It's okay, it's okay. |
| 185 | I'm gonna be fine. |
| 186 | Come here, I'll make you a drink. |
| 187 | Okay. |
| 188 | Oh, man, I can't believe she's actually leaving. |
| 189 | How am I gonna say good-bye to Rachel? |
| 190 | I know, she's been such a big part of my life. |
| 191 | I mean, it feels like when Melrose Place got canceled. |
| 192 | I mean... |
| 193 | Ah, forget it. |
| 194 | I miss Melrose Place. |
| 195 | Well, I had a chance to stop her, too. |
| 196 | Yeah? Yeah? |
| 197 | Who loses 57 coin tosses in a row? |
| 198 | You know? |
| 199 | Heads she wins, tails I lose. |
| 200 | Wait a minute. |
| 201 | Yes, Joe? |
| 202 | I forgot to pick up my dry cleaning. |
| 203 | So, you doing okay? |
| 204 | Well, I've been better. |
| 205 | Mm-hmm. |
| 206 | You guys are gonna come and visit me, right? |
| 207 | Yes. You know, in six months, |
| 208 | the statute of limitations runs out |
| 209 | and I can travel internationally again. |
| 210 | I'm gonna miss you so much. |
| 211 | I know. |
| 212 | You know what? |
| 213 | I have some good-bye stuff that I wanted to say to each of you, |
| 214 | and I was gonna save it till the end of the night, |
| 215 | but come here. |
| 216 | Come. |
| 217 | ( door closes ) |
| 218 | Hey, what do you think they're doing in there? |
| 219 | Well, if I had to guess, I'd say... |
| 220 | Rachel's putting on the bubble wrap |
| 221 | and Phoebe's doing the punching. |
| 222 | Oh, Phoebes, I don't even know where to start. |
| 223 | Okay, well, before you do... Mm-hmm. |
| 224 | I know we weren't supposed |
| 225 | to get you going-away presents, but... |
| 226 | I do have something for you. |
| 227 | Oh, Oh! Oh... What is it? |
| 228 | Well, it's a cotton swab with a bit of my saliva on it. |
| 229 | So that... if they perfect the cloning process |
| 230 | while you're over there, you can use the DNA |
| 231 | to create your own Pheebs. |
| 232 | I'm gonna throw this away. |
| 233 | But thank you so much for the gesture. |
| 234 | Chandler? |
| 235 | Um... I was just in our bedroom |
| 236 | and I found these on my pillow. |
| 237 | Oh, yes, I decided to leave those out for you |
| 238 | in case Richard stops by and you want to engage |
| 239 | in a little light bondage and mustache play. |
| 240 | What are you talking about? |
| 241 | These aren't mine. |
| 242 | Oh, yeah. Right. |
| 243 | Good luck getting another scarf dance from me. |
| 244 | That would be a terrible punishment. |
| 245 | But I'm serious. I've never seen these before. |
| 246 | Really? |
| 247 | Then what are they doing in our guest room? |
| 248 | Rachel used to live in that room. |
| 249 | Rachel. |
| 250 | With handcuffs. |
| 251 | Interesting. |
| 252 | Joey's bare ass. |
| 253 | Well played. |
| 254 | I love you, Phoebe. |
| 255 | I love you, too. |
| 256 | Please. |
| 257 | Please don't... |
| 258 | don't turn into |
| 259 | you know, a French bitch. |
| 260 | All right. |
| 261 | Well, if I'm gonna do this, |
| 262 | I'd better keep going. |
| 263 | Great. |
| 264 | Okay. Monica. |
| 265 | Yeah? |
| 266 | Will you come here with me for a minute? |
| 267 | Sure. |
| 268 | Are you wearing waterproof mascara? |
| 269 | No. |
| 270 | Oh, you're so screwed. |
| 271 | Hey. |
| 272 | What was that all about? |
| 273 | She's gonna say good-bye to each of us individually. |
| 274 | Are you kidding? |
| 275 | Oh, my God. |
| 276 | Yeah, I know. |
| 277 | It's gonna be even worse for you. God. |
| 278 | Well, just get ready to do some serious crying. |
| 279 | Oh, man, I'm not going to be able to handle this. |
| 280 | Now I know how my students feel at the end of each year. |
| 281 | And why they act out by giving me such bad evaluations. |
| 282 | Okay. I'd better... |
| 283 | just say what it is I'm gonna say. |
| 284 | None of the amazing things |
| 285 | that have happened to me in the last ten years |
| 286 | would have happened if it wasn't for you. |
| 287 | No one has been... |
| 288 | more like a sister to me. |
| 289 | I know what you mean. |
| 290 | You're like a sister to me, too. |
| 291 | ( sniffling ) |
| 292 | ( choked up ): I don't know what I'm going to do without you. |
| 293 | ( indecipherable ) |
| 294 | ( indecipherable ) |
| 295 | What? |
| 296 | I... said... I... |
| 297 | ( indecipherable ) |
| 298 | That is so sweet. |
| 299 | Oh, no, she took down Monica. |
| 300 | And I'm the cryer in the family. |
| 301 | ROSS: Oh, God, I could be next. |
| 302 | Maybe she won't talk to me |
| 303 | if it looks like we're deep in conversation. |
| 304 | Okay. |
| 305 | Oh, so that thing you said about that thing, |
| 306 | it really made me think about that other thing. |
| 307 | Uh, Rach... Yeah? |
| 308 | It's okay. Chandler's talking to her. |
| 309 | Really made you think about that thing, huh? |
| 310 | Uh, Rach, I think I have something |
| 311 | that belongs to you. |
| 312 | Oh, I'm sure going to miss pretending |
| 313 | to laugh at your weird jokes that I don't get. |
| 314 | No, no. They're really yours. |
| 315 | We found them in your old room. |
| 316 | Well, these aren't mine. |
| 317 | Maybe Monica used to use them with... |
| 318 | Don't say Richard. |
| 319 | Well, if they're not Monica's and they're not yours, |
| 320 | then whose are they? |
| 321 | I think you're forgetting |
| 322 | the kinkiest former resident of that room. |
| 323 | Pheebs! |
| 324 | Yeah? |
| 325 | I think these are yours. |
| 326 | These are not mine. |
| 327 | Look at how flimsy they are. |
| 328 | Come on. |
| 329 | My God. You try to hang a guy from a water pipe with these, |
| 330 | they'll snap like a piece of licorice. |
| 331 | Can I talk to you alone for a minute? |
| 332 | Sure. |
| 333 | You don't really handcuff guys |
| 334 | to water pipes, do you? |
| 335 | Where do you think Mike really is? |
| 336 | Oh, honey... |
| 337 | Let me just say something. |
| 338 | Because once we get into this, |
| 339 | I'm going to get all uncomfortable |
| 340 | and probably make some stupid joke. |
| 341 | I just want to say that I... I love you... |
| 342 | and I'm going to miss you. |
| 343 | And I'm so sad that you're leaving. |
| 344 | Oh, you know what? |
| 345 | Let's not say anything else. |
| 346 | I love you. |
| 347 | Not so tight. |
| 348 | ( blows raspberry ) |
| 349 | Oh! |
| 350 | Chandler... |
| 351 | I'm sorry. Just give me one more chance. |
| 352 | Okay. Okay. |
| 353 | Oh... |
| 354 | ( blows raspberry ) |
| 355 | Oh! I'm sorry. |
| 356 | Just go. Just go. |
| 357 | I can't. I can't. |
| 358 | So I guess you're next. |
| 359 | You ready? |
| 360 | I don't think so. |
| 361 | Oh, you're definitely not. |
| 362 | I haven't cried like that in years. |
| 363 | You cried yesterday at the 6:00 news. |
| 364 | That old woman was being scammed by her mechanic. |
| 365 | God, I can't believe she saved me for last. |
| 366 | Why are they taking so long? |
| 367 | I don't know, but, God, Joey seems |
| 368 | to be handling it surprisingly well. |
| 369 | ALL: No! No, wait! |
| 370 | Okay, here we go. |
| 371 | ( sighs ) |
| 372 | Well. |
| 373 | Yeah. |
| 374 | I think I'm going to take off. |
| 375 | Huh? |
| 376 | Oh, you guys, this was an amazing night. |
| 377 | Thank you so much. |
| 378 | I love you. |
| 379 | Good night. |
| 380 | ( door opens ) |
| 381 | ( door shuts ) |
| 382 | What?! |
| 383 | I don't get a good-bye?! |
| 384 | Lucky bastard. |
| 385 | Unbelievable. |
| 386 | She says good-bye to everyone but me. |
| 387 | Well, maybe she thought that with all of your history, |
| 388 | it could be, you know, implicit. |
| 389 | Well, it needs to be plicit! |
| 390 | Let's think about this. |
| 391 | I mean, there's got to be an explanation. |
| 392 | Did you do anything to make her mad? |
| 393 | No, I don't think so. |
| 394 | You know, maybe she was just really spent from our talk. |
| 395 | It was pretty intense. |
| 396 | Yeah, mine, too. |
| 397 | Mine was a humdinger. |
| 398 | Okay! |
| 399 | I mean, don't I deserve anything? |
| 400 | I mean, a... a few tears, a... a cursory hug? |
| 401 | Not from you! |
| 402 | Ross, if you're this upset, you should go and talk to her. |
| 403 | And say what? |
| 404 | "You owe me a good-bye"? |
| 405 | He's got more pride than that. |
| 406 | The hell I do! |
| 407 | I don't get a good-bye?! |
| 408 | What? |
| 409 | Everyone gets a good-bye but me? |
| 410 | What do I got to do to get a good-bye, huh? |
| 411 | Uh, be best friends with you? |
| 412 | Uh, go out with you? |
| 413 | Have-have a baby with you? |
| 414 | Oh, wait a minute! Wait a minute! |
| 415 | I did all those things! |
| 416 | Ross, I... Or maybe... |
| 417 | Maybe I'm just not giving you enough credit. |
| 418 | Uh, I mean, it is difficult to say good-bye to fivepeople. |
| 419 | Uh, "Good-bye. Good-bye, Good-bye. Good-bye. |
| 420 | ( choking up ): Goo..." |
| 421 | It's physically impossible! |
| 422 | You know what, after all we've been through, I can't believe |
| 423 | this is how you want to leave things between us. |
| 424 | Have a... have a good time in Paris. |
| 425 | I hope Ross isn't too upset. |
| 426 | I'm sure he's not more bummed out than I am. |
| 427 | Tell me about it. |
| 428 | Well, you can't say |
| 429 | we don't know how to throw a party. |
| 430 | All right, I think I'm going to head out. |
| 431 | Uh, where do you think you're going? |
| 432 | I thought I was going home to go to bed, but I'm sensing |
| 433 | there's something less fun for me to do here. |
| 434 | Well, we're moving in a couple of days, |
| 435 | and we got a lot of packing to do. |
| 436 | It'd be great if you guys could pitch in. |
| 437 | Joey and I can finish up in the guest room. |
| 438 | Oh, yeah, yeah. Good idea. |
| 439 | Oh, no. |
| 440 | You and Phoebe are going to help me in here. |
| 441 | You couldn't be cool. |
| 442 | Okay, we're going to start in the kitchen. |
| 443 | Plates get put into plate protectors |
| 444 | and get stacked ten to a box. |
| 445 | The silverware gets bundled in rubber bands |
| 446 | and then bubble-wrapped. Got it? |
| 447 | Yeah. Yeah. Good. |
| 448 | Now I need you to be careful and efficient. |
| 449 | And remember, if I am harsh with you, |
| 450 | it's only because you're doing it wrong. |
| 451 | Hey, Mon, I think I figured out whose handcuffs they are. |
| 452 | You did? How? |
| 453 | Well, I was cleaning out the closet |
| 454 | and I found some pictures of them... being used. |
| 455 | Oh, my God. Let me see. |
| 456 | ( gasps ) |
| 457 | Who's that dirty old lady? |
| 458 | Monica's grandmother. |
| 459 | God, Nana liked it rough! |
| 460 | Hi. |
| 461 | Hey. Hey. |
| 462 | Here, have a seat. Have a seat. |
| 463 | How was your night? |
| 464 | Oh, it was okay. I went to a movie |
| 465 | with my cousin and then out for dinner. |
| 466 | We went to this place that had... |
| 467 | Ooh! |
| 468 | Ooh. |
| 469 | ( sighs ) |
| 470 | Anyway, they had these really amazing cheeseburgers. |
| 471 | Erica, are you okay? |
| 472 | Yeah. You know, maybe I ate too much. |
| 473 | I keep getting these stomachaches. |
| 474 | The come and go like every few minutes. |
| 475 | Oh, my God! |
| 476 | Relax, we'll just get her some antacids. |
| 477 | She doesn't have a stomachache! |
| 478 | She's in labor! |
| 479 | On, my God! |
| 480 | Yeah, you got to get to the hospital! |
| 481 | Okay, Chandler, get the coats! |
| 482 | Erica, let's go! |
| 483 | Phoebe and Joey, keep packing! |
| 484 | Oh, my God, we're going... |
| 485 | We're going to have a baby! |
| 486 | Oh, my God! |
| 487 | We're going to have a baby! |
| 488 | Oh, God, I've got to sit down! |
| 489 | I got to sit down. Oh! |
| 490 | ( labored breathing ) |
| 491 | Honey, it's going to be okay. |
| 492 | You can do this! Just breathe. |
| 493 | Okay, okay. |
| 494 | Okay, I feel... I feel a little better. |
| 495 | Oh! |
| 496 | Are you sure? |
| 497 | Oh, yes, I'm sure. |
| 498 | Oh, honey, let's go. |
| 499 | Okay. Come on. |
| 500 | Okay, bye, everyone! |
| 501 | Bye-bye. We're having a baby! |
| 502 | Chandler, wait, wait, wait! |
| 503 | What? |
| 504 | If you get a second, |
| 505 | find out where she got that cheeseburger. |
| 506 | ( door slams ) |
| 507 | You really think I didn't say good-bye to you |
| 508 | because I don't care? |
| 509 | That's what it seemed like. |
| 510 | I cannot believe that after ten years, |
| 511 | you do not know one thing about me. |
| 512 | Fine. Then why didn't you say something? |
| 513 | Because it is too damn hard, Ross. |
| 514 | I can't even begin to explain to you |
| 515 | how much I am going to miss you. |
| 516 | When I think about not seeing you |
| 517 | every day, it makes me not want to go, |
| 518 | okay? |
| 519 | So if you think that, that |
| 520 | I didn't say good-bye to you |
| 521 | because you don't mean as much to me as everybody else, |
| 522 | you're wrong. |
| 523 | It's because you mean more to me. |
| 524 | So there, all right?! |
| 525 | There's your good-bye! |
| 526 | Rach. What? |
| 527 | You ca... you can't... |
| 528 | What?! |
| 529 | A little more. Okay. |
| 530 | A little more. A little more. |
| 531 | All right. |
| 532 | A little more. |
| 533 | Okay. |
| 534 | All right. Okay. |
| 535 | All right, let's do this. |
| 536 | All right, ready? |
| 537 | Yep. Now give me your best shot. |
| 538 | All right, here goes. |
| 539 | ( strained voice ): Doesn't work. |
| 540 | Oh! |
| 541 | Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org |
| 542 | |
| 1 | Previously on Friends... |
| 2 | Erica, are... are you okay? |
| 3 | Yeah. You know, maybe I ate too much. |
| 4 | I keep getting these stomachaches. |
| 5 | They come and go, like, every few minutes. |
| 6 | Oh, my God! |
| 7 | Relax. We'll just get her some antacids. |
| 8 | She doesn't have a stomachache! |
| 9 | She's in labor! |
| 10 | Oh, my God! |
| 11 | So if you think |
| 12 | that I didn't say good-bye to you |
| 13 | because you don't mean as much to me |
| 14 | as everybody else, you're wrong. |
| 15 | It's because you mean more to me. |
| 16 | Rach! |
| 17 | What? |
| 18 | Hey. |
| 19 | Shh! Go back to sleep. |
| 20 | I have to go home. |
| 21 | Oh, God. |
| 22 | This was amazing. |
| 23 | It really was. |
| 24 | You've learned some new moves. |
| 25 | Yeah, well, this guy at work |
| 26 | gave me Sex For Dummies as a joke. |
| 27 | Who's laughing now? |
| 28 | I know. |
| 29 | ♪ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ♪ |
| 30 | ♪ Your job's a joke, you're broke ♪ |
| 31 | ♪ Your love life's D.O.A. ♪ |
| 32 | ♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪ |
| 33 | ♪ When it hasn't been your day, your week ♪ |
| 34 | ♪ Your month, or even your year ♪ |
| 35 | ♪ But I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 36 | ♪ When the rain starts to pour ♪ |
| 37 | ♪ I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 38 | ♪ Like I've been there before ♪ |
| 39 | ♪ I'll be there for you ♪ |
| 40 | ♪ 'Cause you're there for me, too. ♪ |
| 41 | Okay, breathe. breathe, breathe. |
| 42 | Oh! |
| 43 | Okay, good. |
| 44 | Next time, can I say breathe? |
| 45 | No. Last time, you said it like Dracula, and it scared her. |
| 46 | Can I get you anything? |
| 47 | You want some more ice chips? |
| 48 | No. I'm okay. |
| 49 | All right, I'll be right back. |
| 50 | Where you going? |
| 51 | To use the bathroom. |
| 52 | You can't leave me alone with her. |
| 53 | What? |
| 54 | This is exactly the kind of social situation |
| 55 | that I am not comfortable with. |
| 56 | What kind of social situation are you comfortable with? |
| 57 | It's just that we've never spent |
| 58 | any time, you know, alone together. |
| 59 | You'll be fine. |
| 60 | Nah, you won't, but I'll be back in two minutes. |
| 61 | Okay. |
| 62 | So, uh... any plans for the summer? |
| 63 | I don't know. |
| 64 | Maybe church camp. |
| 65 | Hah! |
| 66 | May not want to mention this. |
| 67 | So, you ever wonder which is worse? |
| 68 | You know, going through labor or getting kicked in the nuts? |
| 69 | What? |
| 70 | Oh, it's just interesting, you know? |
| 71 | Because no one will ever know, |
| 72 | because no one can experience both. |
| 73 | One of life's great unanswerable questions. |
| 74 | I mean, who knows? |
| 75 | Maybe there's something |
| 76 | even more painful than those things. |
| 77 | Like this. |
| 78 | ( knocking ) Come in. |
| 79 | Morning. |
| 80 | Hey. |
| 81 | What's that? |
| 82 | It's my housewarming present for Monica and Chandler. |
| 83 | ( chirping ) |
| 84 | Oh! Oh, it's a baby chick and duck. |
| 85 | Uh-huh. And I named them Chick Jr. and Duck Jr. |
| 86 | I did not see that coming. |
| 87 | Yeah, yeah. |
| 88 | I figured they'd love it at the new house, you know? |
| 89 | It has that big backyard. |
| 90 | And then, when they get old, |
| 91 | they can go to that special farm |
| 92 | that Chandler took the other chick and duck to. |
| 93 | Yes. |
| 94 | You know, it's a shame people can't visit there. |
| 95 | That is the rule though. |
| 96 | Yeah. |
| 97 | Guess what! |
| 98 | You're almost an uncle. |
| 99 | What? Yeah. Erica went |
| 100 | into labor last night; |
| 101 | Monica and Chandler are at the hospital right now. |
| 102 | Oh, my God! |
| 103 | And I have a definite feeling |
| 104 | it's going to be a girl. |
| 105 | Phoebe, you were sure |
| 106 | Ben was going to be a girl. |
| 107 | Have you seen him throw a ball? |
| 108 | Is Rachel here? |
| 109 | Uh, I think she's still asleep. |
| 110 | Hey, hey, hey. How did it go with you guys last night? |
| 111 | She seemed pretty pissed at you. |
| 112 | We, uh... you know, we worked things out. |
| 113 | What's that smile? |
| 114 | Did something happen with you two? |
| 115 | Hey, I'm not one to kiss and tell. |
| 116 | But I'm also not one to have sex and shut up. |
| 117 | We totally did it! |
| 118 | Oh, my God! |
| 119 | You and Rachel? |
| 120 | I know. Isn't this pretty great? |
| 121 | So what does that mean? |
| 122 | Are you guys getting back together? |
| 123 | Oh, I don't know. |
| 124 | I mean, we didn't really get to talk. |
| 125 | But do you want to get back together? |
| 126 | I don't know. |
| 127 | It was incredible. |
| 128 | I mean, it just felt so right. |
| 129 | When I was holding her, |
| 130 | I mean, I... I never wanted to let her go. |
| 131 | You know what? Yeah, I do. |
| 132 | I want to be together. |
| 133 | Yay! |
| 134 | Shh! |
| 135 | Yay! |
| 136 | Hey, hey, hey. |
| 137 | So... so, is she still going to Paris? |
| 138 | Well, I haven't thought of that. |
| 139 | I... I hope not. |
| 140 | This is like the best day ever. Ever! |
| 141 | You guys might get back together. |
| 142 | Monica and Chandler are getting their baby. |
| 143 | There are chicks and ducks in the world again. Oh! |
| 144 | I feel like I'm in a musical. |
| 145 | ( humming intro ) |
| 146 | ♪ When the sun comes up bright and beaming ♪ |
| 147 | ♪ And the moon comes... ♪ Morning. |
| 148 | Guess you'll never know how it ends. |
| 149 | Hey. |
| 150 | Hi. |
| 151 | How did you sleep? |
| 152 | Good. You? |
| 153 | Good. |
| 154 | I'll bet you did. |
| 155 | Uh... would you guys mind giving us a minute? |
| 156 | Sure. Yeah. Will you just keep an eye |
| 157 | on the chick and the duck? |
| 158 | Chick and the duck? Didn't they die? |
| 159 | Dive. |
| 160 | Yeah, they dove... |
| 161 | headfirst into fun on the farm. |
| 162 | So... |
| 163 | Morning. |
| 164 | You, too. |
| 165 | Last night was just wonderful. |
| 166 | It really was. |
| 167 | I woke up today |
| 168 | with the biggest smile on my face. |
| 169 | Yeah. Me, too. It was... |
| 170 | You know, it was, like, one of those things |
| 171 | you think is never going to happen, and then it does, |
| 172 | and it's everything you want it to be. |
| 173 | Mm-hmm. I know. |
| 174 | It was just... |
| 175 | Oh, just the perfect way to say good-bye. |
| 176 | ( groaning ) |
| 177 | Just a little bit more, honey. |
| 178 | Hell, man, this hurts! |
| 179 | Really? That bad? |
| 180 | Uh-huh. I think it's time |
| 181 | to kick you in the nuts and see which is worse. |
| 182 | The baby's head is crowning. |
| 183 | Oh, my God! |
| 184 | That is the most beautiful top of a head I have ever seen. |
| 185 | Chandler, you have to see this. |
| 186 | I'm okay. |
| 187 | Chandler, you don't want to miss this. |
| 188 | This is the birth of your child. |
| 189 | It's the miracle of life. |
| 190 | All right. |
| 191 | Wow. That is one disgusting miracle. |
| 192 | Start pushing. There you go. |
| 193 | Here come the shoulders. |
| 194 | ( baby crying ) |
| 195 | It's a boy. |
| 196 | Wow. |
| 197 | Is he okay? |
| 198 | He's just fine. |
| 199 | You did it. |
| 200 | It's a baby. |
| 201 | A beautiful little baby. |
| 202 | And some other stuff |
| 203 | I'm going to pretend I don't see. |
| 204 | Would you like to cut the umbilical cord? |
| 205 | Well, that's spongy. |
| 206 | Oh... |
| 207 | Hey, handsome. |
| 208 | Oh, I'm going to love you so much |
| 209 | that no woman is ever going |
| 210 | to be good enough for you. |
| 211 | Oh, we're so lucky. |
| 212 | I know. |
| 213 | He has your eyes. |
| 214 | I mean, I know that's not possible, |
| 215 | but he does. |
| 216 | We'll just get him cleaned up a bit. |
| 217 | MONICA: Oh, my God. |
| 218 | He's beautiful. |
| 219 | Thank you so much. |
| 220 | I'm really happy for you guys. |
| 221 | How do you feel? |
| 222 | I'm tired. |
| 223 | You don't have that much time to relax. |
| 224 | The other one will be along in a minute. |
| 225 | I... I'm sorry? |
| 226 | Who should be along in a what, now? |
| 227 | The next baby should be along in a minute. |
| 228 | We only ordered one. |
| 229 | You know it's twins, right? |
| 230 | Oh, yeah. These are the faces of two people in the know. |
| 231 | I can't believe you didn't know it's twins. |
| 232 | This has never happened before. |
| 233 | Well, gosh, that makes me feel so special and good. |
| 234 | Wait. Did you know it was twins? |
| 235 | Yeah. It's here in the paperwork we got from the clinic in Ohio. |
| 236 | Did anybody tell you? |
| 237 | I don't think so. |
| 238 | Although they did mention something about two heartbeats. |
| 239 | But I thought that was just mine and the baby's. |
| 240 | They kept saying both heartbeats are really strong. |
| 241 | And I thought, well, that's good, 'cause I'm having a baby. |
| 242 | This is unbelievable. |
| 243 | Twins actually run in my family. |
| 244 | Interesting. |
| 245 | Can I see you for a second? |
| 246 | What do we do? |
| 247 | What do you mean, what do we do? |
| 248 | Twins. |
| 249 | Twins. |
| 250 | Chandler, you're panicking. |
| 251 | Uh-huh. Join me, won't you? |
| 252 | Okay, what do you say we keep one |
| 253 | and then just, like, have an option on the other one? |
| 254 | Chandler, we can't split them up. Why not? |
| 255 | We could give each of them half a medallion. |
| 256 | And then, years later, they'll find each other... |
| 257 | and be reunited. |
| 258 | I mean, that's a great day for everybody. |
| 259 | Okay, what if the person |
| 260 | who adopts the other one is horrible? |
| 261 | What if they're not? |
| 262 | What if it's adopted by a king? |
| 263 | Yeah, because I hear the king is looking to adopt. |
| 264 | Monica, we're not ready to have two babies. |
| 265 | That doesn't matter. |
| 266 | We have waited so long for this. |
| 267 | I don't care if it's two babies. |
| 268 | I don't care if it's three babies. |
| 269 | I don't care if the entire cast |
| 270 | of Eight is Enough comes out of there. |
| 271 | We are taking them home because they are our children. |
| 272 | Okay. Shh! |
| 273 | Okay. Okay! |
| 274 | Okay! |
| 275 | It looks like we're about ready over here. |
| 276 | Come on, Erica, start pushing again now. |
| 277 | Oh! Oh! |
| 278 | Here she comes. |
| 279 | She? It's a girl? |
| 280 | Yeah. |
| 281 | Well, now we have one of each! |
| 282 | And that's enough. |
| 283 | And then she said it was |
| 284 | the perfect way to say good-bye. |
| 285 | Oh, my God. |
| 286 | What did you say? |
| 287 | Nothing. |
| 288 | What do you say to that? |
| 289 | Ross, you've got to tell her how you feel. |
| 290 | No way. |
| 291 | You can't just give up. |
| 292 | Is that what a dinosaur would do? |
| 293 | What? |
| 294 | Dude, I'm just trying to speak your language. |
| 295 | Ross, Rachel doesn't know |
| 296 | that you even want to get back together. |
| 297 | If she did, she might feel differently. |
| 298 | She might not even go. |
| 299 | You really think so? |
| 300 | I'm telling you. |
| 301 | Oh! Okay, |
| 302 | this is the part of the musical |
| 303 | where there'd be a really good, convincing song. |
| 304 | ♪ Bum-bum-bum-bum ♪ |
| 305 | ♪ Don't take no for an answer bum-bum-bum ♪ |
| 306 | ♪ Don't let love fly away, bum-bum-bum-bum. ♪ |
| 307 | Hi. |
| 308 | Can't a girl finish a song around here? |
| 309 | Hey. |
| 310 | Hi. So I just dropped Emma off at my mom's. |
| 311 | Okay. |
| 312 | You're not taking her with you tonight? |
| 313 | No, we decided that I would go ahead |
| 314 | and set up first, |
| 315 | and then my mom would bring Emma to Paris on Sunday. |
| 316 | Wow, eight-hour flight with a one-year-old. |
| 317 | Good luck, mom. |
| 318 | Eight hours with my mother talking about Atkins? |
| 319 | Good luck, Emma. |
| 320 | All right, you know what? You're right. |
| 321 | I should at least tell her how I feel. |
| 322 | Ross, wait, wait. |
| 323 | What? What? |
| 324 | Could you get me a muffin? |
| 325 | Rachel? |
| 326 | Yeah? |
| 327 | I-I know you're leaving tonight, |
| 328 | but I just have to tell you... |
| 329 | I love you. |
| 330 | I don't know if that changes your plans at all, but... |
| 331 | I thought you should know. |
| 332 | Gunther... |
| 333 | Oh, I love you, too. |
| 334 | Probably not in the same way, |
| 335 | but I do. |
| 336 | And when I'm in a cafe having coffee, |
| 337 | or I see a man with hair brighter than the sun, |
| 338 | I'll think of you. |
| 339 | Oh. |
| 340 | Oh! |
| 341 | Bye, you guys. |
| 342 | Bye. |
| 343 | Oh, my God! |
| 344 | Unbelievable. |
| 345 | Hey, you know what might help? |
| 346 | I'm not getting you a muffin! |
| 347 | Do you think they recognize each other from in there? |
| 348 | Maybe. |
| 349 | Unless they're like two people |
| 350 | who've lived in apartments |
| 351 | next to each other for years |
| 352 | and then one day |
| 353 | they're pushed through a vagina and they meet. |
| 354 | We're going to take Erica to recovery now. |
| 355 | MONICA: There's something that we wanted to tell you. |
| 356 | We decided to name the girl baby Erica. |
| 357 | Oh, my God. |
| 358 | That's just like my name! |
| 359 | Son of a gun, it is. |
| 360 | Anyway, I'm going to go get some rest. |
| 361 | I'm really glad I picked you guys. |
| 362 | You're going to make great parents. |
| 363 | Even Chandler. |
| 364 | Okay, well bye. |
| 365 | Bye. |
| 366 | We'll call you. |
| 367 | Okay. |
| 368 | Have fun at church camp. |
| 369 | Oh, look at these little buddies. |
| 370 | I know. |
| 371 | You ready to trade? |
| 372 | Okay. Okay. |
| 373 | Oh, wait, let's see. |
| 374 | Take this little baby... |
| 375 | Okay... |
| 376 | We could trade later. |
| 377 | Yeah, I'm good. |
| 378 | Hey, what are you working on? |
| 379 | Oh, it's a welcome-home sign for the baby. |
| 380 | How sweet. |
| 381 | Oh, is that the baby? |
| 382 | No, I sat in the paint. |
| 383 | Hey. |
| 384 | So did you talk to Rachel? |
| 385 | No, and I'm not going to. |
| 386 | What? Why not? |
| 387 | Because, she's just going to shoot me down. |
| 388 | You guys saw what happened with Gunther. |
| 389 | That did not look like fun. |
| 390 | How can you compare yourself to Gunther? |
| 391 | I mean, sure, he's sexy in a more obvious way. |
| 392 | But you have a relationship with her. |
| 393 | You slept together last night. |
| 394 | Yeah, and she still wants to go. |
| 395 | It's pretty clear where she is. |
| 396 | Yeah, I know what you mean. I mean, sometimes... |
| 397 | Uh, Joe. |
| 398 | Damn it! |
| 399 | Look, even if I were going to tell her, |
| 400 | I don't have to do it now. |
| 401 | Okay, I'll be seeing her again; we've got time. |
| 402 | No, you don't. |
| 403 | She's going to Paris. |
| 404 | She is going to meet somebody. |
| 405 | Do you know how many hot guys there are in Paris? |
| 406 | It's a city of Gunthers. |
| 407 | Hey. PHOEBE: Hey. |
| 408 | What do you have there? |
| 409 | Oh, I made a little something. |
| 410 | If I had more time to work on it, |
| 411 | it'd be better, but... |
| 412 | Oh, my God. You did that yourself? |
| 413 | Honey, that's gorgeous. |
| 414 | You know, the baby can't read, Mike. |
| 415 | Hi! You guys, the car service just got here. |
| 416 | I can't believe they're not home yet. |
| 417 | I have to catch my stupid plane. I want to see the baby. |
| 418 | Monica just called from the cab. |
| 419 | She said they should be here any minute. |
| 420 | And apparently there's some big surprise. |
| 421 | Yeah, but does she sound happy about it? |
| 422 | Because my friend Ethel's baby was born |
| 423 | with a teeny-tiny beard. |
| 424 | Oh! Oh! Oh, my God! |
| 425 | Hi. |
| 426 | Oh, my gosh. |
| 427 | Hey. |
| 428 | Hi. Hey. |
| 429 | ( gasps ) |
| 430 | Hey, so what is the big surprise? |
| 431 | Oh! |
| 432 | ( gasps ) |
| 433 | Oh, my God. |
| 434 | Okay, okay, okay, awkward question: |
| 435 | The hospital knows you took two, right? |
| 436 | Yes. It's twins. |
| 437 | Oh, they're so cute. |
| 438 | Now, what kinds are they? |
| 439 | This is a boy and that's a girl. |
| 440 | Her name is Erica. |
| 441 | Hey, that pregnant girl's name was Erica. |
| 442 | Yeah. It's a shame |
| 443 | you two didn't get to spend more time together. |
| 444 | We named the boy Jack after Dad. |
| 445 | Oh, he's going to be so happy. |
| 446 | Jack Bing-- I love that. |
| 447 | Ooh, it sounds like a '40s newspaper guy, |
| 448 | you know, Jack Bing, Morning Gazette. |
| 449 | "I'm going to blow this story wide open." |
| 450 | Wow. |
| 451 | Oh, my gosh. |
| 452 | So beautiful. |
| 453 | I want one. |
| 454 | Oh, yeah? |
| 455 | Well, tell me which one, |
| 456 | I'll try to slip it in my coat. |
| 457 | Seriously. |
| 458 | Want to make one of those? |
| 459 | One? How about a whole bunch? |
| 460 | Really? Yeah. |
| 461 | Oh, we can teach them to sing |
| 462 | and we can be like the von Trapp family. |
| 463 | Only without the Nazis. |
| 464 | Although, that sounds kind of dull. |
| 465 | Oh, you guys. I can't believe this. |
| 466 | If I don't leave now I'm going to miss my plane. |
| 467 | I'm just so glad you got to see the babies. |
| 468 | Me, too. |
| 469 | I'm just sorry I'm not going to be around |
| 470 | to watch you two attempt to handle this. |
| 471 | All right. |
| 472 | I can't say good-bye to you guys again. |
| 473 | I love you all so much. |
| 474 | Love you. Love you. |
| 475 | Call us when you get there. |
| 476 | I will. |
| 477 | Ross, come here. |
| 478 | I just want you to know, |
| 479 | last night... |
| 480 | I'll never forget it. |
| 481 | And neither will I. |
| 482 | All right, now I really have to go. |
| 483 | Okay. |
| 484 | Au revoir. |
| 485 | Oh! |
| 486 | They're going to really hate me over there. |
| 487 | So you just let her go? |
| 488 | Yeah. |
| 489 | Hey, maybe that's for the best. |
| 490 | Yeah? |
| 491 | Yeah. |
| 492 | You know, you just-- look, you got to... |
| 493 | you got to think about last night the way she does, okay? |
| 494 | You know, maybe... |
| 495 | maybe sleeping together was the perfect way |
| 496 | to say good-bye. |
| 497 | Now she'll never know how he feels. |
| 498 | But maybe that's okay, you know? |
| 499 | Maybe... Maybe it is better this way. |
| 500 | I mean, now... now you can move on. |
| 501 | I mean, you've been trying to for so long. |
| 502 | Maybe now that you're on different continents... |
| 503 | Right? |
| 504 | Maybe now you can actually do it, you know? |
| 505 | You can... |
| 506 | You can finally get over her. |
| 507 | Yeah, that's true. |
| 508 | Except... |
| 509 | I don't want to get over her. |
| 510 | What? |
| 511 | I don't. I want to be with her. |
| 512 | Really? |
| 513 | Yeah, I'm going to go after her. |
| 514 | Yeah, you are! |
| 515 | PHOEBE: Hey, wait. |
| 516 | Get your coat! Get your coat! |
| 517 | My coat. |
| 518 | This is so cool! |
| 519 | I have no idea what's going on, but I am excited! |
| 520 | Ross, Ross! What do you think she's going to say? |
| 521 | I don't know. |
| 522 | But look, even if she shoots me down, |
| 523 | at least I won't spend the rest of my life |
| 524 | wondering what would have happened. |
| 525 | Where is my coat?! |
| 526 | You didn't bring one! |
| 527 | My cab's downstairs. I'll drive you to the airport. |
| 528 | Wish me luck. |
| 529 | Hurry! |
| 530 | Good luck! |
| 531 | Okay. |
| 532 | There's no seat belt. |
| 533 | That's okay. |
| 534 | If we hit anything, the engine will explode, |
| 535 | so, you know, it's better if you're thrown from the car. |
| 536 | All right, all right. Let's do this. |
| 537 | Okay. |
| 538 | Hey. |
| 539 | 80th and East End. |
| 540 | No, I don't take passengers. |
| 541 | Hey, the law says you have to accept any fare. |
| 542 | No, you don't understand. This isn't a real cab. |
| 543 | I'm going to report you. What's your medallion number? |
| 544 | My medallion number is "Get out of the cab!" |
| 545 | What? |
| 546 | Get out of the cab! |
| 547 | Get out of the cab! |
| 548 | ( yelling ) |
| 549 | Oh, hey, hey. |
| 550 | Can I give you guys your housewarming present now? |
| 551 | Now that you can do. |
| 552 | All right. |
| 553 | Ah... |
| 554 | Chick, Jr.? |
| 555 | Duck, Jr... |
| 556 | Don't hide from Mama! |
| 557 | ( groans ) |
| 558 | You can open your eyes now. |
| 559 | Are we off the bridge? |
| 560 | Yes. |
| 561 | Is the old woman on the bicycle still alive? |
| 562 | Yeah, she jumped right back up. |
| 563 | Oh, my God. Phoebe, slow down! |
| 564 | Do you want to get to Rachel in time? |
| 565 | Yes, but I don't want to die in your cab. |
| 566 | You should have thought of that before you got in. |
| 567 | Toll booth. |
| 568 | What? Toll booth! |
| 569 | Four bucks. |
| 570 | There are quarters in the glove compartment. |
| 571 | Hurry! ( startled yell ) |
| 572 | Okay. |
| 573 | ( yells ) |
| 574 | Damn, that window's clean. |
| 575 | Quack, quack. Tweet, tweet. |
| 576 | Quack, quack. |
| 577 | Tweet, tweet. |
| 578 | Quack, quack. |
| 579 | Tweet, tweet. Quack, quack. |
| 580 | Tweet, tweet. Quack, tweet, quack. |
| 581 | We were wondering what was taking so long with the gift, |
| 582 | but now we understand you were doing this. |
| 583 | Okay, I wanted to surprise you, but... |
| 584 | for your housewarming gift, |
| 585 | I got you a baby chick and a baby duck. |
| 586 | Really? You got us a chick and a duck? |
| 587 | Oh, great. |
| 588 | Just what you want for a new house with infants-- |
| 589 | bird feces. |
| 590 | But they must have jumped off the table, |
| 591 | 'cause now they're gone. |
| 592 | Don't worry, we'll find them. |
| 593 | Actually, I'm going to go check on the twins. |
| 594 | Oh, God! |
| 595 | What did I just step on? |
| 596 | It's okay, it's just an egg roll. |
| 597 | Oh. |
| 598 | You stepped on my egg roll?! |
| 599 | I'm sorry. |
| 600 | I didn't know to look for Chinese food on the floor. |
| 601 | Just put it on a plate and leave. |
| 602 | Okay. Let's find these birds. |
| 603 | All right. |
| 604 | ( chirping ) |
| 605 | Wait, you hear that? |
| 606 | ( chirping ) |
| 607 | ( gasps ) |
| 608 | They're in the table! |
| 609 | Well, that can't be good. |
| 610 | We've got to get them out of there. How? |
| 611 | Oh. Oh. Maybe we can lure them out. |
| 612 | You know any bird calls? |
| 613 | Oh, tons. I'm quite the woodsman. |
| 614 | Well, uh... |
| 615 | maybe we can just tip the table a little. |
| 616 | Joey, wait! The ball! Oh! |
| 617 | ( ball clanging ) |
| 618 | ( clanks ) |
| 619 | ( chirping ) |
| 620 | Oh, God! ( sighs ) |
| 621 | So what do we do? |
| 622 | I don't know, maybe we can open this up somehow. |
| 623 | Okay. |
| 624 | No. |
| 625 | It's all glued together. |
| 626 | That mean we have to bust it open? |
| 627 | I don't know, maybe. |
| 628 | Oh, my God. |
| 629 | I know, it's... |
| 630 | it's the foosball table. |
| 631 | All right, you know what? We don't have a choice. |
| 632 | It's like I would have said in that sci-fi movie |
| 633 | if had gotten the part... |
| 634 | Those are our men in there. We have to get them out. |
| 635 | Even if I have to sacrifice |
| 636 | the most important thing in my life-- |
| 637 | my time machine. |
| 638 | Did that movie ever get made? |
| 639 | It did not. |
| 640 | Ross, where you going? |
| 641 | To talk to Rachel. |
| 642 | Isn't that why we took a ride in the death cab? |
| 643 | What are you gonna do, just walk up to her at the gate? |
| 644 | Have you never chased anyone through the airport before? |
| 645 | Not since my cop show got canceled. |
| 646 | You have to get a ticket to get past security. |
| 647 | What? We're never gonna make it. |
| 648 | Not with that attitude. Now haul ass. |
| 649 | Okay, if you could all walk slower that'd be great. |
| 650 | Madame. Your passport, please? |
| 651 | Oh, my God. |
| 652 | I was so afraid I wasn't going to remember |
| 653 | any of my high school French, |
| 654 | but I understood every word you just said. |
| 655 | Your boarding pass, please? |
| 656 | Oh. |
| 657 | Oh. |
| 658 | Shoot, I had it. |
| 659 | Oh, I can't believe this. |
| 660 | Madame, if you don't have... |
| 661 | I have it, I have it! I have it! |
| 662 | Oh. |
| 663 | Okay, I can't find it. |
| 664 | But I remember that I was in seat 32C... |
| 665 | because that's my bra size. |
| 666 | Madame, you must have your boarding pass. |
| 667 | Okay, fine. But you know what? |
| 668 | If I was in 36D we would not be having this problem. |
| 669 | Hi, I need a ticket. |
| 670 | Just one? |
| 671 | I drive you all the way down here, |
| 672 | I don't get to see how it works out? |
| 673 | Fine, two tickets. I need two tickets. |
| 674 | We're on our honeymoon. |
| 675 | And the destination? |
| 676 | I don't care, whatever's the cheapest. |
| 677 | I'm so lucky I married you. |
| 678 | Oh, shoot! |
| 679 | Damn it. Where is it? |
| 680 | Oh, oh. I found it! I found it! |
| 681 | Ha! Ha! I found it! |
| 682 | I told you I would find it. In your face! |
| 683 | You're a different person. |
| 684 | Okay. Flight 421 to Paris. |
| 685 | I don't see it. |
| 686 | Do you see it? No, did we miss it? |
| 687 | No, no, no. It's impossible. |
| 688 | It doesn't leave for another 20 minutes. |
| 689 | Well, we have the flight number wrong. |
| 690 | ( phone rings ) |
| 691 | Hello? |
| 692 | Hey, it's me. Here's Ross. |
| 693 | Hey. Hey, listen... |
| 694 | Oh, my God. Ross, you wouldn't believe |
| 695 | the cute little noises the twins are making. |
| 696 | Listen. |
| 697 | Monica... |
| 698 | Monica. |
| 699 | Monica. Monica. |
| 700 | Monica. |
| 701 | Oh, I'm sorry. |
| 702 | Shoot, they were doing it before. |
| 703 | That's all right. Listen, listen... |
| 704 | Wait, wait. Here they go again. |
| 705 | Monica. Monica. |
| 706 | Monica. Monica. |
| 707 | Monica? Isn't that cute? |
| 708 | That was precious! Listen. |
| 709 | I need Rachel's flight information. |
| 710 | Oh, okay. |
| 711 | All right, it's Flight 421. Leaves at 8:40. |
| 712 | Yes, that's what I have. It's not on the board. |
| 713 | That's what it says here. Flight 421 leaves at 8:40. |
| 714 | Newark Airport. |
| 715 | What? |
| 716 | Newark Airport. |
| 717 | Why, where are you? |
| 718 | JFK. |
| 719 | ( shouting ): Don't worry, you guys! |
| 720 | We're going to get you out of there! |
| 721 | And we're also going to buy you tiny bird hearing aids. |
| 722 | Okay... |
| 723 | here goes. |
| 724 | What's the matter? |
| 725 | I need to say good-bye to the table first. |
| 726 | I understand. |
| 727 | Okay... |
| 728 | ( sighs ) |
| 729 | Table... |
| 730 | you have given us so many great times. |
| 731 | And you guys, |
| 732 | Jordan, Victor, Joel, all of you guys... |
| 733 | what can I say? |
| 734 | You guys make us look good. |
| 735 | You want to say anything? |
| 736 | I don't know. |
| 737 | ( sighs ) |
| 738 | Except that, for one last time... |
| 739 | Good game. Good game. |
| 740 | Good game. Good game. |
| 741 | Good game. Good game. Good game. |
| 742 | Yeah, yeah. |
| 743 | Good game. |
| 744 | Okay, here we go. |
| 745 | I can't do it. |
| 746 | Well, I can't do it, either. |
| 747 | Hey, did you find them? |
| 748 | Yeah, they're stuck inside the table. |
| 749 | Yeah, and we have to bust it open, |
| 750 | but neither of us can do it. |
| 751 | Aw... well, sure. |
| 752 | It's got to be so hard. |
| 753 | I'll do it. Give me! |
| 754 | ROSS: Phoebe! |
| 755 | PHOEBE: Whoa! |
| 756 | No, no, no, no, no! |
| 757 | ( high pitched squeals ) |
| 758 | I've never gone this fast before. |
| 759 | Phoebe, forget it. Okay? |
| 760 | Newark is like, an hour away. |
| 761 | There's no way we're going to make it in time. |
| 762 | She's got her cell. You could call her. |
| 763 | I am not doing this over the phone. |
| 764 | You don't have any other choice. |
| 765 | ( screams ) |
| 766 | ( cell phone rings ) |
| 767 | Hello? |
| 768 | Rachel. Oh, good! |
| 769 | Hey, by the way, did you just get on the plane? |
| 770 | Yeah. For what it's worth, we would've caught her |
| 771 | if we were at the right airport. |
| 772 | Yay. |
| 773 | Rach, hang on. |
| 774 | ( mouthing words ) |
| 775 | Phoebe, is everything okay? |
| 776 | Um... actually, no. |
| 777 | No, you have to get off the plane. |
| 778 | What? Why? |
| 779 | I have this feeling that something's wrong with it. |
| 780 | Something is wrong with the left, filangee. |
| 781 | Oh, honey, I'm sure there's nothing wrong with the plane. |
| 782 | All right, look, I have to go. |
| 783 | I love you, and I will call you |
| 784 | the minute I get to Paris. |
| 785 | Um... what was that? |
| 786 | Oh, that was just my crazy friend. |
| 787 | She told me I should get off the plane |
| 788 | because she had a feeling that there was something wrong |
| 789 | with the left filangee. |
| 790 | Okay, that doesn't sound good. |
| 791 | I wouldn't worry about it. |
| 792 | She's always coming up with stuff like this. |
| 793 | And you know what, she's almost never right. |
| 794 | But she is sometimes? |
| 795 | Well...? |
| 796 | What are you doing? |
| 797 | Well, I can't take this plane now. |
| 798 | Excuse me, sir? Where you going? |
| 799 | I have to get off this plane, okay? |
| 800 | Her friend has a feeling |
| 801 | something's wrong with the left filangee. |
| 802 | Could I get some peanuts? |
| 803 | What's wrong with the plane? |
| 804 | There's nothing wrong with the plane. |
| 805 | The left filangee. |
| 806 | There's no filangee. |
| 807 | Oh, my God. |
| 808 | This plane doesn't even have a filangee. |
| 809 | Well, then I'm not flying on it. |
| 810 | Ma'am, please sit down. |
| 811 | What's going on? |
| 812 | We're all getting off. |
| 813 | There is no filangee! |
| 814 | This is ridiculous. I... |
| 815 | Yeah, okay. |
| 816 | ( chirping ) |
| 817 | ( sighing ): All right. |
| 818 | My job here is done. |
| 819 | That was... impressive. |
| 820 | Y-Yeah. You didn't even use the tools for most of it. |
| 821 | Eh, they were just slowing me down. |
| 822 | All right, I got to get back to the babies. |
| 823 | See you girls later. |
| 824 | Sorry about the table, man. |
| 825 | Yeah. |
| 826 | You going to buy a new one? |
| 827 | Probably not. |
| 828 | No. |
| 829 | I don't know how much I'm going to want to play after you go. |
| 830 | Well, at least we got these little guys out. |
| 831 | Yeah. |
| 832 | Oh! We were worried about you. |
| 833 | Hmm. |
| 834 | Guess I better get used to things crapping in my hand, huh? |
| 835 | Oh, I'm going to miss these little guys. |
| 836 | It was nice having birds around again. |
| 837 | Hey, you know what? |
| 838 | Maybe we should keep them here with you. |
| 839 | What? |
| 840 | Yeah. I mean, we've got a lot going on right now. |
| 841 | And plus, here, they'd have their own room. |
| 842 | I could get a goose! |
| 843 | You know, I think you're set with the poultry. |
| 844 | Thanks, man. |
| 845 | You hear that, you guys? |
| 846 | You're going to get to stay here. |
| 847 | And-and it's good, you know? |
| 848 | 'Cause, uh... |
| 849 | 'cause now you have a reason to come visit. |
| 850 | I think there may be another reason. |
| 851 | So, uh... |
| 852 | awkward hug or lame, cool-guy handshake. |
| 853 | ( clears throat ): Yeah, well, you know, |
| 854 | lame, cool-guy handshake. |
| 855 | Doo-doo-doo-doo! Doo-doo-doo-doo! |
| 856 | Ma'am I assure you, the plane is fine. |
| 857 | And you fixed the filangee? |
| 858 | Yes, the filangee is fixed. |
| 859 | As a matter of fact, we put a whole lot |
| 860 | of extra filangees on board, just in case. |
| 861 | Where is she? |
| 862 | I don't see her. |
| 863 | Rachel! Rachel Greene! There she is! |
| 864 | Rachel! Rachel! |
| 865 | Whoa, whoa, excuse me, sir. Do you have a boarding pass? |
| 866 | No, no, I just have to talk to someone |
| 867 | that's getting on the plane. I'm sorry, sir. |
| 868 | You cannot go any further without a boarding pass. |
| 869 | No, no, no. But I... |
| 870 | You don't understand... Rachel! |
| 871 | What? |
| 872 | Oh, my God. What are you...? What are you guys doing here? |
| 873 | Okay. You're on. |
| 874 | What? What, Ross? Okay, you're scaring me. |
| 875 | What's going on? |
| 876 | Okay. |
| 877 | The thing is... |
| 878 | Yeah? |
| 879 | Don't go. |
| 880 | What? |
| 881 | Please, please stay with me. |
| 882 | I am so in love with you. |
| 883 | Please don't go. |
| 884 | Oh, my God. |
| 885 | I know. I know. |
| 886 | I shouldn't have waited till now to say it, |
| 887 | but, um... that was stupid, okay? |
| 888 | I'm sorry, but I'm telling you now. |
| 889 | I love you. |
| 890 | Do not get on this plane. |
| 891 | Miss? I... |
| 892 | Are you boarding the plane? |
| 893 | Hey, hey. |
| 894 | I know you love me. |
| 895 | I know you do. |
| 896 | Miss? |
| 897 | I... I... |
| 898 | I have to get on the plane. |
| 899 | No, you don't. |
| 900 | Yes, I do. No, you don't. |
| 901 | I do. They're waiting for me, Ross. |
| 902 | I can't do this right now. |
| 903 | I'm sorry. I'm sorry. |
| 904 | Rachel? |
| 905 | ( half-whispers ): I'm so sorry. |
| 906 | I really thought she'd stay. |
| 907 | I know. |
| 908 | I'm sorry. |
| 909 | Oh! |
| 910 | ( sobs ) |
| 911 | Well... |
| 912 | that's it. |
| 913 | Everything's packed. |
| 914 | Wow. |
| 915 | This is weird. |
| 916 | I know. |
| 917 | Yeah. |
| 918 | Uh, does this mean there's nothing to eat? |
| 919 | I put three lasagnas in your freezer. |
| 920 | I love you. |
| 921 | Hey. Hey. |
| 922 | Hey, so, did you guys make it in time? |
| 923 | Yeah, yeah. He talked to her. |
| 924 | But, um, she got on the plane, anyway. |
| 925 | Where's Ross? |
| 926 | He went home. He didn't want to see anybody. |
| 927 | Oh. |
| 928 | ( beeps ) |
| 929 | RACHEL: Ross, hi. |
| 930 | It's me. |
| 931 | I just got back on the plane, and I just feel awful. |
| 932 | That is so not how I wanted things to end with us. |
| 933 | It's... it's just that I... wasn't expecting to see you, |
| 934 | and then all of a sudden you're there |
| 935 | and saying these things. |
| 936 | And... now I'm just sitting here and thinking |
| 937 | of all the stuff I should have said and I didn't. |
| 938 | I mean, I didn't even get to tell you that I love you, too. |
| 939 | Because of course I do. I love you. |
| 940 | I love you. |
| 941 | I love you. |
| 942 | What am I doing? |
| 943 | I love you. |
| 944 | ( sighs ): I've got to see you. |
| 945 | I've got to get off this plane. |
| 946 | Oh, my God. |
| 947 | RACHEL: Okay, ex-excuse me. |
| 948 | WOMAN: Miss, please, sit down! |
| 949 | No, I'm sorry, I'm really sorry. |
| 950 | But I need to get off the plane, okay? |
| 951 | I need to just tell someone that I love them. |
| 952 | Miss, I can't let you off the plane. |
| 953 | Let her off the plane! |
| 954 | I am afraid you are going to have to take your seat. |
| 955 | Oh, please. Miss, you don't understand. |
| 956 | Try to understand! |
| 957 | Oh, come on, Miss. Isn't there any way |
| 958 | that you can just let me off the...? |
| 959 | ( beeps ) |
| 960 | No, no! |
| 961 | Oh, my God. Did she get off the plane? |
| 962 | Did she get off the plane? |
| 963 | I got off the plane. |
| 964 | You got off the plane. |
| 965 | I do love you. |
| 966 | Oh! |
| 967 | I love you, too, and I am never letting you go again. |
| 968 | Okay, 'cause this is where I want to be. |
| 969 | Okay? No more messing around. |
| 970 | I don't want to mess this up again. |
| 971 | Me, neither. Okay? We are... we're done being stupid. |
| 972 | Okay. |
| 973 | It's you and me, all right? This is it. |
| 974 | This is it. |
| 975 | Unless we're on a break. |
| 976 | Don't make jokes now. |
| 977 | Okay, please be careful with that. |
| 978 | It was my grandmother's. Be careful. |
| 979 | Thank you. |
| 980 | Uh, if that falls off the truck, it wouldn't be the worst thing. |
| 981 | Wow. |
| 982 | I know. |
| 983 | It seems smaller somehow. |
| 984 | Hmm. |
| 985 | Has it always been purple? |
| 986 | Look around, you guys. |
| 987 | This was your first home. |
| 988 | And it was a happy place-- |
| 989 | filled with love and laughter, |
| 990 | but more important, because of rent control, |
| 991 | it was a friggin' steal. |
| 992 | Hey, do you realize that at one time or another, |
| 993 | we all lived in this apartment? |
| 994 | Oh, yeah, that's true. |
| 995 | Uh, I haven't. |
| 996 | Wait a minute. |
| 997 | What about that summer |
| 998 | during college that you lived with Grandma |
| 999 | and you tried to make it as a dancer? |
| 1000 | Do you realize we almost made it ten years |
| 1001 | without that coming up? |
| 1002 | Oh, honey, I forgot. |
| 1003 | I promised Trigger that we'd leave our keys. |
| 1004 | Oh, okay. |
| 1005 | ( sighs ) |
| 1006 | So, I guess this is it. |
| 1007 | Yeah. |
| 1008 | I guess so. |
| 1009 | ( voice breaking ): This is harder |
| 1010 | than I thought it would be. |
| 1011 | Oh, it's going to be okay. |
| 1012 | Okay. |
| 1013 | ( sniffling ) |
| 1014 | Do you guys have to go to the new house right away, |
| 1015 | or do you have some time? |
| 1016 | We got some time. |
| 1017 | Okay, should we get some coffee? |
| 1018 | Sure. |
| 1019 | Okay. |
| 1020 | Where? |
| 1021 | ( half-whispers ): Oh, thanks, guys. |
| 1022 | Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org |
| 1023 | |
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